#oh i think i need to stop introspecting right now

[gumy-shark]

looking at my own enjoyment of certain tropes like. wait a second is that a kink

[adesqueen]

“About knowledges and feelings”

Pairing: Sebastian x F!Reader

Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic, and also my first time writing something in English, as it’s not my first language. I hope you all enjoy it! _________

“I should’ve known this was a chance. I’m so sorry.” “It was my choice to stay and help pick up. You hosted us, after all. And it’s not like you can control the weather, can you?”

Sebastian reassured you with his calm voice. The heavy snow seemed endless in its fall, a white hug to the quiet town, a cold reminder that winter wasn’t over.

“I know. But now you’re trapped here. Maybe you should’ve gone when Abby and Sam decided to leave.” “Am I… like, bothering you or something?” “Oh, no, I… I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean to say something like that,” you stuttered a little. The only thing uncomfortable was that insane speed your heart seemed to activate every time you dared to look at the ivory-skinned guy in front of you, especially when those dark, infinite pits he called eyes stopped on you. “I just want to be sure… I just want you to… be comfortable, I mean.”

The ghost of a smirk appeared on his face while he poked your cheek, saying he was fine. Damn, that was weird. Everything was since that Solarion Chronicles game, when you shyly healed his character to defeat the dark wizard. Your blushed cheeks, his hard swallow (was it? Was it just your mind? It could’ve been your mind. The world knows it hasn’t functioned properly since you first saw Sebastian), Sam’s face, Abigail’s gasps, the way time seemed to slow for you. And everything felt even weirder when you headed to the saloon after the game to clear your head a little.

“What’s the matter, (reader)? You seem… worried?” “Oh, just a little… introspective, I guess.” “Do you need to talk about something? You know you can count on me, right?” “I do. Thanks. Uh, actually, I… Can I ask you something?” “Sure thing!” “Let’s say you’re doing something with friends, you know? Like bonding. And it’s funny and chill. But one time, you look at one of your friends and it feels… different from the others. Like time’s flow and goosebumps different. What would you do?” “I think I would be honest with myself,” Emily started with a soft voice, her eyes full of compassion and affection. “And admit that this friend is something… more intimate to me. Or at least that something inside me is craving that.” “You think I’m in lo… You think you'd be in love with said friend?” “Love is such a strong, powerful word! Don’t you think?” “May I say something?” Gus asked. “Sure,” you said. “Bring your insight. God knows I need it.” “I believe you should think about all the moments with, let’s call this friend Said. How long have you known Said? How much time do you spend together? How exactly do you feel? And how do they see you? Not in endearment or social relationship terms. What do their eyes say?” “I don’t know,” you sighed, defeated. “He’s so reserved.” “Oh, so, it’s a he,” Emily smiled. Gus smiled too, but the door of the saloon interrupted him. The first clients of the night had arrived. Better leave the talk for another day.

But their words got stuck in your mind.

“… to do.” Sebastian’s voice brings you back from the flashback. “What? Sorry.” “I said I was good, and in the meantime, we can find something to do.” “Um, sure. I don’t really have much to do around here, but I’m sure we’ll find something. Errr… want some coffee?” “Yeah, that sounds fine.”

“His smile could really enlighten an entire room,” you think, while walking to the kitchen.

“You know, I was about to bring the game, but since we ended on a cliffhanger last time, I thought a one-shot or something might get confusing, so I opted not to. It’d be better if we finish the current adventure first.” “Oh, yeah,” you smiled. Cool, this was neutral talk. You’d survive. "Do you think Abby’s character will confess her love to Sam’s?” “I’d gladly pay to see it,” he laughed, “only to see Sam’s reaction. Especially now that he’s getting into something with Penny. We should invite Maru next time. Then Abby would confess, you know, properly.” “Then I’ll be the one paying, for sure! And speaking of Sam and Penny, I caught them hiding at the top of the tree near Sam’s house. Like teenagers, you know? Must be funny to feel like that again.” “How were you as a teenager?” he asked suddenly. “Boring,” you simply smiled. “I was kind of lonely, and since my father left, I put the weight of the house on my shoulders so my mom could work to feed my siblings and me.” “I didn’t know you had a bigger family.” “I kind of don’t. We… went no contact some time ago. I received some letters from my dad… stepdad when I just moved. But that’s it.” “I… I’m sorry, (reader). I didn’t mean to make you remember something hurtful. I know how it feels to be an outsider in your own family.” “It’s okay. You didn’t know. Now you do. And I’m not hurt. Things… just work as they should, I guess. And it felt nice to be able to tell you.” “I’m glad you feel that way.” Why were his eyes so bright? Why did his expression seem to… soften? “You… you’ve been there for me in hard moments, and I’m here for you too. You’ve been a great friend.”

“Friend.” Why did that hurt? Was Emily right? When his smile cheered you up so many times, when the wind brought you the forest scent and you smiled thinking about him, when he tried to teach you to play pool and your skin seemed to burn under his touch while he aligned your shot… You gave him a quick glance. Emily was right.

“Yeah, that… thanks. So… how’s work anyway?” “Oh, it’s fine, actually. I just finished this big project, you know. It was a lot of work, but the payment was worth it.” “Good for your savings. You’ll need it in the city.” “I guess…”

His eyes seemed to elude you abruptly. He started fidgeting with the cord of his hoodie.

“Is everything okay? Did I say something?” “I… I’ve been thinking, and I’m doubting myself about moving to the city.” “What do you mean?” you asked, while pouring the coffee. You always gave him your favorite cup. “Well, I’ve been thinking about what you said, the city being so noisy, crowded, smelly, and… gray.” He seemed ashamed with that last part. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle it.” “I didn’t mean to crush your dreams.” “Don’t be silly.” “Seriously. I didn’t…” “It’s nothing like that. I… maybe I wasn’t, like, really dreaming about moving to the city, but just… leaving.Being here last night, with our friends, in the silence of your farm… I don’t know. It felt… right. I doubt I’ll be able to replicate that feeling in Zuzu. Or anywhere.” “Well, Sam won’t be there. Neither Abby. So, yeah, it makes sense.” “Neither will you.” “Oh, God, no.” “You really hate the city, don’t you?” “I mean…” “I’m starting to understand, anyway. It feels better. I mean, here. But you were lucky enough to get this, your place. Although, I’d never call someone in your very first place lucky. You really left your soul working here. And… it shows.”

His smile as he recognized your hard work was something you thought you could only dream about. Your heart drank every word, dumb with love for the man in front of you.

“Thank you, Sebastian. I was lucky, though. The land is good and generous, people have been nothing but kind, maybe a little hard at first, but I don’t blame them. I kind of felt for this place.” “It’s a shame you can’t put a mermaid pendant on the foundational documents that Gunther has.” “I mean, I can try.”

You both laughed. Maybe you were in love, maybe he wasn’t, but moments like this were worth the effort to hold your feelings.

“What about you? How were you as a teenager?” “I’d love to say I was different.”  and you both laughed again. “They dance,” Sebastian thought. “When she laughs, in the light of the fire, her eyes dance. How can she be so beautiful? My heart is killing me. What am I gonna do? And, why does it feel so good?”

“I guess Pelican Town doesn’t give that many options.”

You both got back to the couch in front of the fireplace and talked. And talked. The hours passed, and every word was easier than the last; your lives before you met each other, frogs, the farm, life itself, even the people of the town. You were quite shocked at how invested was in gossiping someone who wasn’t particularly a fan of people, as he was.

“You know, (reader)? This has been one of the funniest nights of my life. I didn’t know I needed to talk about all of this.” “You needed to talk about the lovely middle-aged woman who lives on the ranch’s love life?” “I still think she should give Marlon a chance. But, besides that, I really felt comfortable tonight. And I appreciate that.” “I’m glad you did. I was afraid that being trapped here would make you feel bad.” “You… Look, this is… awkward.” He was fidgeting with the blanket on your lap. “I mean, yeah, maybe when we just met, but now, I feel… I feel good here. I’m sorry, this is your house, I shouldn’t make myself so comfortable around you.” “I hope you do, actually. I like when you’re around.”

Something in his stutter, in the flush of his cheeks, in the soft sigh of his eyes, in the candid smile. Maybe it was something in Sebastian’s voice. But it felt right. It was more than that. Both heart and brain were on the same page. You knew it was right. You felt it too. Then, it happened. A force above you, maybe fate, maybe God, maybe simply being honest with yourself. Maybe all of that? Whatever it was, your hand, on its own, reached his, rubbing Sebastian’s hand with your thumb. It was just a second, but it felt like an eternity. The soft skin, the warmth, the wind howling outside, the melody of the fire, the soft snore of your pet. You were suddenly conscious of all of this, your memory trying to etch this moment forever. It was like a slice of the cake of time being served just for you. Sebastian smiled, and his fingers laced with yours.

“Do you understand what you’re asking for?” “Do you know,” you smiled back, “when people talk about a home? About how it feels, what makes one?”The eternal weight on Sebastian’s shoulders seemed to disappear. All the anxiety, all the fears, all doubts leaving his body. It was then when you realized, as his affirmative answer caressed your ears, and he gently pulled you toward him, settling you on his chest, while the moon shone in all of its splendor, celebrating you. You knew everything about home.

[rius-cave]

Ok but imagine adamsapple in bed and Adam is like " why don't i top for once"

And Luci raises his eyebrows

Adam " I'm the original dick, i know how to use it!"

Luci " considering I've stolen both your wives, i severely doubt that" adam huffs. Luci sighs. " You've been bottoming for a while, would you trust YOURSELF yo top you?"

And Adam blue screens

( does this lead to angsty self introspection or to luci riding him? Who knows)

Anon I hate myself. Somehow my response to this turned into a full on drabble 🙈 I'm so sorry I don't know how this happened. Here it is I guess. I'm putting it under a cut because the language gets a little explicit skfjdgfd

"Come on. What? You think I really couldn't do it? Do you not want me to fuck you that badly?"

Lucifer glared at him in judging silence, an eyebrow raised.

"Would it really kill your ego to let me do it just once? I mean seriously I'm sure I could have you screaming in no time." Adam stated, anger obvious on his voice.

"Mm-hm," Lucifer hums, reclining his back on the headboard and closing his eyes. "You could."

"Oh please! You haven't even let me try! If you gave me the chance to- wait what did you say?" Adam's mouth gaped, his brain just now catching up with his ears.

"I said you could," the hellborn replied, a smug smile on his face. "We've been doing this for weeks now, haven't we? You think I've never wanted to feel your cock inside of me?"

Adam choked on his own saliva before sitting up on the bed, astonishment plastered across his face. It wasn't weird for Lucifer to talk directly like this, but hearing him just… admit that he wanted it was not something Adam ever expected to hear. To be frank he was half waiting for Lucifer to chuck him out to the next ring.

"Wait really?"

"Really," Lucifer affirmed without a tint of shame in his voice. "I may be more skilled than you," he began again, earning a brief glare from Adam. "But I could teach you how to do it, show you where I like it, actually top someone properly for once."

"I…" The sinner began, still not believing his hearing. Suddenly, a smile crept up his face, excitement pouring from his eyes as well as starting to fill up his cock. "Oh! Okay! Fuck yeah, let's go!" He cheered in anticipation, already lifting up the sheets from both his body and Lucifer before his wrist was firmly stopped.

"Uh, what?"

"Not now, you idiot. We just did it. I'm tired and we need to get to the hotel early tomorrow," Lucifer explained with a little sharpness in his voice.

"What? But I… we… you…" He fumbled, a rapid sequence of anger, frustration and disappointment flashing across his features.

"That's not fair! Come on, I…!" He couldn't come up with any good reason. They did have to meet up with Charlie tomorrow (or today, at this point), and they did go at it for about an hour and a half that night. He couldn't say that his own eyes weren't closing before the conversation started.

He growled in frustration like a kid having been promised a candy only for it to be snatched from his hands right as he was about to take a bite. His wings fell to his sides and his mouth closed in a tight line.

A chuckle caught his attention once more.

"Aww, don't be sad, love," the king cooed as he leaned forward, taking one of Adam's cheek in his hand. I promise the next opportunity we have, that'll be the first thing we do, okay?" His voice was soothing and alluring, calming down Adam's anger immediately.

"… Fine," Adam finally grumbled, a small blush creeping up his face at the intimate touch. Those kinds of gestures still threw him for a loop every time. He was used to bites, scratches and pulls from the King of Hell, but any time the demon showed his softer side to him, Adam couldn't help but feel his brain short circuit.

"That's a good little lamb," Lucifer grinned, before leaning in to capture Adam's lips in a soft kiss, meant to seal the promise that he just made.

The recently fallen angel melted into the kiss with a sigh, all his frustration completely gone now. It was still embarrassing how he would just turn to putty under Lucifer's touch. If his soldiers could see him now his reputation would never recover. But still, it felt good to let go of his control when it was Lucifer who slowly, methodically, stripped it away from him.

"Mhm, very well. Let's go to sleep now," Lucifer gently broke the kiss, holding Adam's cheek lightly and dedicating him a smile.

"Okay," Adam replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Don't worry sweetheart. I'll make sure to prepare my little ass so well for your cock, so that you can slide in easily. I'll ride your dick so good and milk it so hard that you won't be able to feel it by the fifth time I make you cum inside of me."

Lucifer grinned innocently, patting Adam's cheek before finally laying down again and getting comfortable under the covers.

With each word Adam felt his insides get hotter and hotter, to the point that by the end of Lucifer's promise, there was no doubt that he was properly hard now.

A couple seconds later, he could hear the quiet snores coming from the demon next to him.

Adam growled loudly. The frustration was back a hundredfold.

[monstrousmuse]

*rubs hands together* Right. We're doing this.

or, My Very Serious Attempt At Analysing The Billentines.

"BILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" - Gods, he's even worse than Stan. Jack of NO Trades, Master of PUN. (Not the actual intent here, but if you add a comma, it almost sounds like someone else is asking him out. In cute-sy speak. "Bill, you go out with me?!?! Pwease?")

"I'VE GOT MY ❤️EYE❤️ ON YOU" - Aww, his eye is so expressive. Also love the way he's just... sitting on the ground like that. His base is so thin, it's no wonder why he needs to prop himself up with his little noodle leg. Like a reverse kickstand.

"YOU'RE ACUTE-Y" - Bill torments his friends with terrible, nerdy geometry puns Confirmed. Stanford Filbrick Pines PhD x 12's dream partner amiright？

"I LIKE YOU FOR SOME REASON" - *apologetically glances towards Ford* What reason, Bill? You can confide in us. Or perhaps you don't know...

"LET'S GET ILLUMINAUGHTY" - HE REMOVED HIS BOWTIE WTF-I-I didn't even think that was possible. Welp, you learn something new every day. ...And, are those his cheeks? I’ve always assumed that his whole surface changes colour whenever he is feeling a particularly strong emotion. Huh.

"I'M BROKEN. WANNA FIX ME?" - ...now you're just mocking us. If this ends up spreading to the wider fandom- Oh. Oh dear. It already has. Well played, Hirsch. In all seriousness though, this one is surprisingly introspective of Bill. Has he been doing some postmortem soul-searching? Read a few self-help books? Perhaps Frills was the one who first suggested that he write his own book as a means of reaching a state of inner catharsis...Or maybe it’s just a reference to how Stan literally shattered his face before killing him.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE" - See my previous post. Long story short, he stopped time for a reason. But. Also. He looks depressed. No offence, of course. (Is the floor comfortable? From data gathered during the period of my life that I spent as a Weird Human Child With Weird Human Quirks, I have come to the conclusion that the floor is not, in fact, the most comfortable of places to lie down and ponder one’s existence, but you do you I guess.)

"I SECRETLY COLLECTED YOUR SWEAT IN A JAR AND ACCORDING TO EXTENSIVE LAB TESTING. WE HAVE AN 88.3% PHEROMONE COMPATIBILITY MATCH" - Bill has pheromones. 88.3%...Is there a significance to this number? Does Bill Cipher even know, or care, about basic lab safety and scientific accuracy these days? The answer is a resounding “No. Definitely not. Absolutely not.”

"THEY CALL ME...THE LOVE TRIANGLE" - How To Become Besties With Mabel Pines In One (1) Quick & Easy Step. But you better watch out Bill, the Love God will probably be filing a lawsuit against you for Stealing His Look...and a minor case of Very Intentional And Blasphemous Blasphemy.

…

Whew. Done. Overanalysis is to me what Ichor is to the Greek Gods.

[evita-shelby]

Perhaps

sequel to Look Both Ways and Wreckage, Tommy and Eva spend New Year’s Eve together and consider giving each other a second chance

cw: mental illness, pregnancy, angst, a lot of introspection, suicide, guilt, 1920s divorce laws

Lucy Winters belongs to @mischievouslittlecreature

venor tag: @justrainandcoffee @zablife @call-sign-shark @thegreatdragonfruta @hoodeddreams13

Happy New Years, i hope you get a good cry out of this, i know I did.

oh and one more thing

⚠️Spam Likers will all be blocked from this blog starting January 3, 2025⚠️

“When I said I wanted to greet 1921 with you, this wasn’t what I meant.” Tommy puts out his cigarette knowing how little she can stand it in her condition.

“You should’ve specified then.” the witch retorts not liking how he’s intruded on her out here and yet wishing they’d be as close as they used to be a year ago. “Now you have me here by force.”

There is a strange delight she has in hurting him in retaliation for hurting her. While Eva dislikes regressing to her bitchy ways, when her pride and her heart are injured, that venom comes out along with her forked tongue.

Tommy Shelby learned that day he will die unforgiven no matter what he does to prove he is sorry for even letting that thought form in his fucked-up mind. Not that he will ever admit defeat, he thinks that because Lucy’s gone, and Eva was vulnerable enough to let him into her last night he stands a chance.

And while Eva still yearns for him and that beautiful future she saw when they made love that morning alone in Brighton, she stands by her words: Never Again.

He chose Lucy and will chose her again and again no matter how many children, how much wealth and power and how much love Eva would give him if he had made the right choice. The moment the red head comes back, the witch will lose her only chance at happiness to her.

In her worst moments, Eva almost regrets stopping her from taking her own life. But the witch said no more killing in 1918 and her biggest regret in this tragedy is that she didn’t make Tommy choose from the beginning.

Then Tommy would’ve stopped pursuing her allowing Eva to find a man who did not expect her to be content with whatever crumbs his other lover left.

Or he could’ve chosen Eva and all would have been bliss between them, as her unnatural abilities love to taunt her now.

“You didn’t think that last night.” His tone is hurt, soft and reminding her how damnably weak she was beneath the façade she wears. “You still love me, and I you. I meant everything I said last night, Evie.”

“Don’t.”

She is not sure why she keeps her resolve to end things with Tommy for good when last night had felt like that night seven months ago when she gave herself to him. The universe kept conspiring to have them alone for most of their whirlwind courtship and now it had the two of them alone just as she had wished it.

“She’s not coming back, maybe she was always meant to leave and let us have that future you saw for us.” He is good at convincing you he is right, it is what will make him a great politician when the time comes.

“Has she truly left or are you just telling me what I want to hear?” the dark haired beauty asks fearing what the answer will be.

If he is truly resolved to be the husband she needs, if he truly wants to be the man he should have been months ago, Tommy Shelby needed to choose.

It was true he could not find Lucy and that the Lovells refused to let him see her, but Lucy physically gone was very different from him closing the door between him and his lover.

If he wanted to re-enter paradise, everything should be over for good. The Goddess demanded exclusive devotion, there was no room for others.

And she knows what the answer is even when he claims otherwise.

He thinks he can forget Lucy if he is given the chance, if he can prove how much he loves her and their son and wants that life she saw for them.

“Will you let me prove it?” he pleads knowing she is as alone and vulnerable as he is.

He hated being alone, to feel the emptiness creep in and the shovels return. He used to sleep with a perfumed sachet to keep the nightmares away before they got together while he had Lucy his nightmares had returned worse than before following Grace’s treachery.

Lavender, rose petals, anise and incense, her signature scent. Lucy preferred rose and vanilla, but lacked the smell of witchcraft Eva had.

“If I do, will you be content to know it doesn’t mean I forgive you?” she asks no longer feeling the chill in the cold air. The fire works would start soon, she’d come here knowing he can’t make himself tolerate the noise for too long only for him to follow her to her balcony looking over her garden.

She liked this house, this house she paid for herself and is under her name and the keys are hers and hers alone. Tommy had to knock and wait for her to let him in. It was the physical manifestation that she was resolved to end things between them for good.

But now he was inside, had stayed a week with her because she had been unwell, and the fucking lawyer had been intimidated into making her wait until the baby is born.

They were encouraged to try and see if their differences could be resolved in these next six months. After all, despite what transpired neither would wish to name Lucy as the person with whom Tommy committed adultery and this only allowed for Eva to be awarded a judicial separation for the time being.

She had all the rights of an unmarried woman, but she remained married to Tommy in the eyes of God and Men. But she could not divorce him unless Tommy was willing to find a whore and claim she is the reason it failed. Lizzie was out of the question; it would convince her she and Tommy could still happen.

“I know.” He puts his hands in his pocket wishing he could turn back time and undo it. He hates himself for letting his fucked-up mind produce such a thought.

How could he ever think a woman who hated killing would kill another for something as worthless as the love of a man?

Lucy had only discovered bloodlust, the catharsis of killing, she had yet to see how it will only just fuck you up more in the long run.

Eva and Tommy had killed for survival, ordered to kill with no way to refuse. While Lucy’s rapist and her father had deserved it and gave her the closure she needed, the red-haired woman had been given the privilege they never had: choice. Lucy Winters had yet to feel what her former lovers had already experienced by the time she got her hands bloody for the first time. She had yet to tire of the bloodshed and know it takes more from you than it gives.

Its why Tommy delegates his kills, its why Arthur wants to kill himself and why John believed no other woman could love him until Polly picked Esme for him.

Its why Eva has vowed to never take another life after she made Leopoldo believe he was the Haemon to her Antigone. He killed himself because of her, she may not have seen it, but she heard that gunshot as if she had been in the room with him.

It was why Eva could never forgive Tommy for accusing her of murder.

“If you had been the one missing and Lucy seen walking away from there with a gun in her hand after a gun shot was heard… I would have accused her of killing you too.” The gangster admits letting her know it was not that he truly doubted her character or that he didn’t love her, but his inability to hold on to the rational part of him when the shellshock takes over. “The shellshock does that to me, apparently, like how it makes you faint when you are overwhelmed. The shrink Arthur has been going to told me that.

Just the horse thinking the person opening the crate is the enemy too.”

Eva’s quite surprised to hear that. She’d known of Arthur seeking help thanks to his cherub like sweetheart, Linda, but not that Tommy would ever set foot in a psychiatrist’s office. He didn’t trust them; one had put Barney Thompson in a padded cell and sought to put Danny Owens in there too. And because he didn’t trust them, Lucy didn’t either.

Eva was the odd duck because she had gotten better thanks to one of the best psychotherapists in her country. Had Peralta never intervened, she would’ve killed herself during her confinement just as Carranza had expected her to do.

Peralta would come twice a week, answered her telephone calls at all hours and ordered anything a resourceful woman like Eva could use to kill herself until he was sure her suicidal moods were gone.

Her somewhat mild form of manic-depressive insanity had stabilized without the drugs and the booze and eventually after being taken out of Mexico. It had flared up; her separation had triggered a depressive episode so bad Polly had stayed with her and brought Finn in hopes of lifting her spirits. Eventually it subsided and now she was at the last legs of it.

“I suppose I may forgive you for it someday.” The witch allows that one concession, still Tommy has a long way to go before she is ready to forgive him for it.

If he is truly serious about wanting a second chance, perhaps that day may come sooner than she had hoped for.

“I love you; you know that.” His blue eyes show how genuine he is with his words, it tugs at her heartstrings to hear him say those six words as her façade of strength comes tumbling down just for him.

And because the New Year means new hopes and new beginnings, she says the last thing she had wanted to say to him, “Perhaps---”

January 1st begins with Eva giving Tommy a chance she already knows will only end up in more heartache.

But it is a sweet pain, one they need to feel so they can close the door for good on this chapter of their lives.

continues in: Ash

[eternal-love-song]

Traveling Mask AU - Odile

Raised in Vaugarde, Odile has always felt a bit out of place, something that not even becoming a housemaiden was able to cure. Maybe the apocalypse was what she needed to force herself into motion.

[Odile POV, Second person pov, Odile centric, Role Swap, Housemaiden Odile, Introspection, Character study]

AN: I've been thinking about a role swap for a while now and while I don't have all the kinks worked out yet, here are my takes on Odile.

You find Vaugardian culture rather oppressive. Even as the people around you have always been very open, and kind, and welcoming, it's almost… It's too open. Everyone smiles too widely, seems too chipper, too energetic. When you fail to match that energy, you can see them look at you like something is wrong. Wrong with you.

Like clockwork, every time, once you fail whatever social test they've given you by not being Vaugardian enough, they start to scrutinize. They peer at you as if they can see what's wrong with you hiding right under your skin. They pick out the parts of you that don't belong and throw them in your face like an attack.

"Oh, your name, is that…"

"Ah, those features, you must be…"

"With that kind of expression, you remind me of…"

All throughout your childhood it was the same. Reminders of how you were wrong, how you were failing to fit in disguised as kind observations. It was oppressive, honestly. You couldn't understand how everyone around you found it so easy to smile, to leave their doors open to strangers, to give everything that they could and expect nothing in return.

The stories that your father told you of Ka Bue always made it sound like it might be an easier place to live. You tried not to resent him for raising you here instead. Tried not to resent Vaugarde as a whole.

You resolved to try harder to fit in. Even if it meant your smiles were fake and half the words on your tongue were lies, you would try. People deserved that much from you, didn't they?

When you decided to become a housemaiden, it was for the same reason. You wanted to understand. Vaugarde, it's people, yourself. You tried to chase that understanding with a zeal that seemed to surprise those around you. They interpreted it as faith, as the Change God inspiring you. As half a dozen different things that it would never be, but you wouldn't tell them that.

You didn't like the Change God. It was too lazy and too pushy at the same time. It was a god that never seemed to do anything but was always demanding that others do everything, anything, all the time without stopping. A God that never wore the same face twice did not feel like a being that could be trusted to you, but… well, no one asked for your opinion so you didn't give it.

You become a housemaiden anyway. By the time you do, you've learned to lie well enough that you no longer need to fake as many smiles. Your words do the heavy lifting, your robes, your pierced ears. You let others' assumptions tell the lies you no longer care to create for yourself and when they don't carry you, a mysterious smile is enough to make others curious without needing to truly address that curiosity.

You learn of The Expressions of Ka Bue and they make much more sense to you. There are more of them than you could possibly count, but you only need to pray to the ones that you worship, or need, or want to. It's choice. It's freedom. It eases something inside you that you hadn't realized was being wound up so tightly.

As soon as you get the chance, you take the right classes in the house to help you make what you need. What you feel like you need. You make small charms to represent The Expressions that you want to pray to. A small magnifying glass for The Expression of Search, a pen for The Expression of Writing, an open book with the symbol of craft for The Expression of Creator Craft. They praise you for making a change, for taking your devotion so seriously. Whenever someone does, you give them a wry smile at the irony and nod your head without giving thanks.

The charms jiggle a bit on your hip when you walk, the sound reminding you that you arn't lost, you're just searching for your purpose.

After a few years at the house, you tell your father that you want to travel. You want to go to Ka Bue to learn more about them, but you can't bring yourself to say so just yet. You're more honest with your father than you are with others, but… not quite that honest.

Your honesty pays off. Within the year, he sees you both moving to another town and you have another House in which you can continue your quest.

This pattern continues every few years. People praise you for changing so often, even though the only thing that truly changes is your location. Still, it's better than things were in your youth, when everyone knew you were wrong just from looking at you long enough. You've camouflage yourself now. It feels like wearing the skin of your enemy. You carved off a piece of The Change God and crawled into it's skin to hide from predators.

It's a terrible way to think of the people of Vaguarde. They're kind, they don't deserve your disdain, your disregard, your deep resentment. So you keep your mouth shut, brush your hand against your charms, and keep your head high.

You search for whatever scraps of information about Ka Bue that you can get your hands on. Stories, books, rumors. You beg stories from your father whenever you go to visit him, strike up a conversation with any traveler that you come across. You chase these scrapes around Vaugurde, from one House to another, one city to another. Chasing and searching and writing notes and studying craft. You're hoping that one of these things will eventually lend you the closure you're so desperately searching for, but none of it truly does.

Your father dies and whatever hope you had of eventually visiting Ka Bue dies with him. Even after all this time, you don't have the confidence to visit alone. What if it's the same as Vaugarde and everyone can look at you and know that you don't fit? What if it's worse than Vaugarde somehow?

What if, what if, what if.

You sound like a child, you know you do. You scold yourself, but it still doesn't help. You don't go to Ka Bue, you just move from House to House, traveling around Vaugarde but never to the actual place you want to be. You're a coward and a fool, a fraud and a fake.

You add more charms to your hips, and you hate yourself, and run from House to House as if running from yourself will help you at all. It won't. It doesn't. All it does is use up more and more of your time.

You go from being young, to no longer being young, to being rather old. You've wasted half of your life studying from half baked sources all because you lack the courage to just explore on your own! Because you don't have the good sense to put down roots anywhere, to make friends that you keep longer than a few years, to reach out to someone without expecting that they'll know you're different. Other. Wrong.

You're… rather pathetic, aren't you?

You hate yourself a little, but not enough to actually change. You wonder if the Change God is laughing at you.

When no one is looking, you find a bunch of their statues and break them in spite. It doesn't help, but it's cathartic nonetheless.

And then The King shows up and suddenly, none of those things matter all that much. All that matters is that you're the only one immune to his powers, so you're the one that has to stop him. But, even if you were too caught up in yourself to find friends, or put down roots, you're not too stubborn to look for allies to save the world. This is an entirely different thing, isn't it?

You're not "Odile the housemaiden" when you set off on your journey to save the world. In light of the country freezing, you don't feel the need to keep up your ruse. You shirk your housemaiden robes, toss away your reminder of the Change God, and you call yourself a researcher. It feels more fitting, more honest, than anything previous. And it gives people comfort, to think that someone experienced and intelligent is going to save the world.

You hope that they never have to find out how wrong they are. The people of Vaugarde don't deserve that.

Read the follow up here: Enter Siffrin.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

Ordem Normal, final episode spoilers. Happy Felps Weekend!

Loyalty, angst, and maybe introspection if you squint

Paulo has been playing at Carlos' house all day. Mamãe had said she would talk to Carlos about what was happening, but Paulo had told her that he was older now, that he could do it himself! And he had felt like he was old, he really did, when he took himself up the seven flights of stairs between their apartments and let himself in. He had even remembered to ask Mamãe for lunch to bring with him!!!!

But not it is nearly evening, and he still has not told Carlos. Mamãe will be here to get him soon, and once she is...

Paulo has to be a big boy and do this, even if it's very scary as to how. His best friend has tied some crayons to a toy car, and is running it around the bottom of the walls. Paulo is very sure that this means he is about to get into trouble, but Carlos is laughing and that means that Paulo will never be able to stop him.

Carlos is laughing, and Paulo does not want to stop him.

But Mamãe will be here soon.

"Carlos?"

Paulo's heart is in his throat. He can barely hear himself over the sound of Carlos' laughter and car noises, but still Carlos stops.

Turns.

Tilts his head and looks at him.

"Paulo?"

"I need... I need to tell you something very important!" Paulo replies, with the earnestness that only a desperate child can have.

"Is this why you've been acting so weird?" Carlos asks.

He does not abandon the car, but he does run back over.

Paulo... Didn't think Carlos had noticed.

He screws shut his eyes, and bites his lip, and nods a few times with a little "uh-huh".

"Uh-huh?" Carlos repeats.

When Paulo opens his eyes, Carlos is right in his face.

"Papai is going away again soon," Paulo says, fighting to keep the tears from his voice. "He- We- I-"

"Oh!" Carlos brightens up, and for one horrible moment Paulo thinks Carlos hates him, before realising that the other boy has misunderstood. "Does that mean you'll be here more?"

Paulo shakes his head.

"But surely Sra. Ventura needs a break? Mamãe always says that about me."

"No, Carlos," Paulo's throat makes an ugly, ugly noise. "No, I- Mamãe and I are going too this time."

"Like a holiday?" Carlos asks. "When will you be back? It'll be lonely, but I can be lonely for a little bit."

And that's when Paulo starts crying.

"Paulo?" Carlos tugs on his arm, getting even closer. "Paulo, why are you crying? You're coming back, right? When are you coming back?"

Paulo shakes his head, unsure of what to say.

"Paulo?" then, Carlos thinks about it, and turns his voice into a shriek to call "Mamãe! Paulo's crying!"

That won't do - Paulo HAS to tell him! He has to!!!

"I- I won't!" Paulo chokes out. "We... We go in a week. Mamãe and Papai are getting rid of everything and we'll be gone too soon."

"But- But Paulo?" Carlos blinks hard. "You're my best friend? You can't go!"

Except that Paulo knows that he has to; his tears grow harder, and he doesn't understand the call and response between Carlos and Sra. Eduardo this time. Nothing makes sense, not until Carlos grabs his hand, and shoves the toy car with the strapped on crayons into it.

"Here!" Carlos tells Paulo, crying himself now. "You can borrow my car! If you're borrowing it, you have to come back, right? So you can give it back to me! And no matter how long it takes, we'll still be bestest friends, right?!"

Paulo isn't sure that's how it works. but he clings to the car anyway. and nods his head.

"Forever?" Carlos bubbles out.

"Forever," Paulo promises. "Forever and ever and ever."

[paintbrushnebula]

Gwen Stacy: Fire Arms and Father-In-Laws

‼️⚠️tw/cw - g^n mention

I think guns end up being an obvious trigger for Gwen; it's always the first thing she disarms during villain fights (and she disarms it with such a distaste, too), whenever she visits the Morales' home she instinctively peaks at Jeff's holster to see if he's armed. I 100% see Gwen becoming anti-gun after she's come to grips with everything. Gwen never really gets over that instant fear that spikes in her whenever she sees a gun in someone's hands.

I thought too hard on Jeff and Gwen and guns and angst and oop, lookie lookie. i just had to go and write a quick lil one-shot/character introspection. See how I tricked you into reading my post with a mildly angsty headcanon. and now I got you. gotchu reading my self-indulgent angsty one-shot ahhauhghhh

I mean this is really the fandom's collective fault for there not being more Gwen and Jeff content. when it's free real estate right dere

~•~

Jefferson Davis really did like Gwen, as bad as he was at showing it. She was.. fascinating! And despite her being a bit rough around the edges, he actually missed her when she wasn't around for more than a day (although that didn't happen often). That much was sure. Oh but God forbid she finds out that he misses her when she's gone for a while. He didn't need her trying harder than she already has been. Ahh, she really does try with him, doesn't she? She tries striking up conversations with him when Miles and Rio aren't in the room, and she LOVED gifting him nicknames he didn't like, and an overly complicated handshake she herself designed for the two of them that he never intended to learn, and she carried this aura of comradery every time she interacted with him, as if they were lifelong pals. He appreciated that she tried to impress him. He liked that that mattered to her that he liked her. There had been times where he found himself chuckling to himself in private when he thought back to the that lame joke she told him. Oh, get this, recently he's had to suppress real, unfabricated laughter at her openers as of late. They still weren't funny, oh God no, but it's just that...he could've sworn that for a moment, it was no longer Gwen standing there before Miles' overbearing father's judgement, but 17 year old Jeff standing before Rio's father. Ughh, it almost ached how much she reminded him of himself at her age. Someone who's seen the worst of the world at such a young age, who wound up in the wrong crowd and fought their way out, motivated by a Morales' love. Someone who grew up too fast, now trying to impress a father who isn't letting his child grow up fast enough. He appreciated her more than he liked her, and he already did like her a lot, honest. Maybe more than he'd like to admit to himself.

Now you got Jeff, who clocks whenever her eyes dart to his side in search of a gun, seeing the way she tenses up when he's got it on him when he's in uniform, and he goes to Miles about it. Miles doesn't give away too many details of the situation (i.e. the George incident) out of respect for Gwen's privacy, but he makes it clear that Gwen tenses up at the mere sight of people armed with guns. It's enough for him to get the picture, and even with whatever pet peeves he and Gwen have with each other, and even though Miles didn't directly ask him to, Jeff immediately stops casually carrying his gun when Gwen is around. If he's on his way to work he doesn't let her see it on him. He waits to arm himself when he's out the door.

Sometimes Miles goes on stake outs as Spider-Man with Captain Morales, and sometimes Spider-Gwen tags along. When she does, Jeff never uses his gun. It may seem stupid to go into the field unarmed, but he'll have to trust the two Spiders to keep him safe (or his trusty taser and baton). Now Gwen has taken notice to the sudden persistent lack of gun on his person whenever she's at their house, but never thought much of it, she's just happy not to see it on a cop who she has to see every day. But now she's seeing him out on patrols unarmed and she's thinking "is he stupid?"

Now she'd almost rather have to keep an eye out for whether or not Jeff is pointing a gun at her instead of having to pay extra attention to her boyfriend's dad's safety while they're beating up criminals.

And it's when he effortlessly disarms this one thug a little too roughly for pointing a gun at Gwen that she gets really suspicious... all of this 'avoiding' using the gun.. was it because of her?? It warms her up inside and she's full of hope for their awkward relationship that up till now has only been more or less a mutual respect and tolerance of each other, bound by the unrecoverable debt of her saving his son and her mildly amusing witticisms doing a decent enough job that he actually does seem to enjoy her company even when Miles isn't around (or maybe she was kidding herself, she didn't know).

The next day he's sitting at the table drinking coffee in uniform before his patrol. Gun in holster. It's not like Gwen's here right n-and here's when he sees the door blast open wide and in she comes through the door. She gets a hug and a kiss on the head from Rio, a hug and a kiss from Miles (he totally didn't avert his eyes when their lips met). Then Jeff rose from his seat with an almost apologetic energy--he was armed with his gun. He would've removed it from his holster and put it away, but he feared that she'd get scared at the sight of him pulling it out, so that'd make things worse. But interestingly, her eyes didn't even dart to his holster, and she practically beamed at Jeff when her gaze met his.

she greeted him her usual way. She saunters over to him with a knowing smirk, he extends his hand to her with a formal "Ms. Stacy" to which she *smacks* her hand right into his at full force and wraps her slender fingers around his comparably massive palm with a powerful squeeze, and calls him "Cap" (her *favorite* nickname for him). But then she *tackles* him into a hug. Well, he could've gone without being wrestled into an embrace (I mean she nearly lifted him off the ground), but he does not hesitate to wrap his big arms around her form nonetheless.

I mean how could he hesitate? She was honestly irresistible with how tone deaf her behavior could be sometimes, trying to please while also missing the mark on what makes for formal behavior, and yeah, watching her made him cringe oh so hard at the memory of himself trying to rake up whatever formalities he could in front of Rio's parents in his youth.

But hey, it worked out for him in the end, hadn't it? Rio had always sworn to him that it didn't take long for her father to give in to Jeff's charms. And now he was witnessing it work out for Gwen Stacy in real time.

He had to guess that the two of them have been doing something right.

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Unknown ep. 10

I’m going into this episode hoping for further progress in Qian and Yuan’s relationship (especially after Qian’s moment of introspection at the end of the previous episode). We also saw in the preview that we’re getting more about Qian’s health status in this episode and that Yuan might get pissed at Qian for keeping that from him. And then, let’s see if they cut the episode before the kiss or not.

Shitless Qian! That’s a nice start (if we ignore the nosebleed, which, to be fair, isn’t that ignorable).

The way Yuan stared at shirtless Qian… I mean, 100% relatable.

I wouldn’t want to sleep alone after that Russian roulette shit either.

The way they’re fucking snuggling in bed! Qian’s leg over Yuan’s, Qian holding Yuan’s arm with both hands, and Qian brushing his thumb on Yuan’s arm in that comforting manner…

Wait, Le is worried Qian’s condition has worsened? So, he knows that Qian has a chronic condition? (I can’t remember if this has been mentioned before or not. My memory is hella fuzzy when there’s a whole week’s wait between episodes.) Perhaps that’s why Le’s been so adamant to keep Qian out of the gang and make sure they don’t cross paths again.

Nosebleed again…

”I’m fine.” The biggest lie ever told (and most used) in the history of humanity.

The way I cackled when the Doc suggested that San Pang should also get a neurological examination.

WTF! Nosebleed again… Please, Qian, get yourself checked out!

The whole ”don’t tell Yuan” will cause more trouble than actually telling him, though. I’m sure that’s why Yuan avoids Qian (the short snippet, in the preview of this episode, when Yuan walks into the house). I’ve been in Yuan’s shoes, and it fucking hurts when the truth comes out later than it needed to.

Yuan must’ve heard more than he let on. He practically tried to run away from the clinic. And the fact that Qian is lying to Yuan… Trouble, trouble.

I don’t mind that Yuan is getting bold (or, bolder). The talk about tying up Qian… I’m on board with that to a million percent!

Yuan definitely knows something serious is going on. But how much does he know about the whole truth? Most likely a lot more than he lets on. Like I wrote before, he must’ve heard what the Doc said. But he might not yet know how long it’s been serious. Qian has had issues for years, right?

Oh lord… Look at these idiots trying to cover up for Qian. I’ve got to love their loyalty to Qian, though. Even though I need someone to tell Yuan the truth (preferably Qian, but I don’t think that will happen…).

Seriously, I would fucking snap if I was in Yuan’s shoes. No way I would take part in this bullshit coverup. Either you tell me the truth (because that’s always easier to deal with) or I’ll avoid you like the fucking plague.

Lol, Yuan is really laying it on thick when he talks to San Pang. Emotional blackmail. But the situation clearly calls for it. Qian is more silent than a brick wall.

And then he uses the Lili-card. He knows exactly what to say to get San Pang to cave. I love him. So, please, someone tell him the truth, for fuck’s sake!

Just as I thought, Yuan heard everything at the clinic that day.

Finally! The truth is out. Thank you, San Pang.

Yuan: ”Do you still think this is just about you?” That FUCKING. BROKE. ME.

I’ve been sitting here, trying to get my eyes to stop leaking for the past 30-ish minutes so I can watch the rest of the episode. What is this series doing to me? They’re gunning for my emotions with Yuan’s reaction because it’s relatable to me.

Qian must know he fucked up, though. If he blames San Pang for telling Yuan, I’ll be fighting back an urge to kick his shin. (I know he’s fictional, but that also means I can give him a fictional kick, just for the fun of it.)

I can’t call that blaming San Pang. Not really. Okay, Qian, I won’t fictionally kick your shin. Not right now, at least…

Btw, San Pang not telling Lili about Qian’s condition… She’ll be just as pissed at him as Yuan is with Qian right now, right? I honestly can’t wait to see her lose it on San Pang and him begging for mercy and forgiveness. Is it weird that I want to see him on his knees as he begs? I wouldn’t mind him crawling either…

I get Qian’s fear of going to the hospital and perhaps never coming out again. BUT! If Yuan and Lili knew the truth, they could prepare themselves for the possibility that Qian might not make it. Qian just dropping dead isn’t going to help anyone, though. And how would they feel if they found out about his condition after that? And finding out that he knew about it?

I wonder how Qian would feel if their roles were reversed. As in, if he found out either Yuan or Lili (the two people who are most important to him) had kept something like this from him.

Am I the only one who loves that Yuan is avoiding Qian? Because I fucking LOVE IT! And he ignored Qian even though Qian had made Yuan’s favorite dishes. This is my shit! (I know, I need help…)

Oooh, Yuan is both bold and bossy in this episode. I didn’t know I could love him any more than I already do. I was wrong.

Is it weird that I’m excited to see the confrontation I know is coming within the next 10-ish minutes?

San Pang is saying all the right things and asking all the right questions. Now it’s up to Qian to figure it out on his own (perhaps with a bit of help from Yuan).

Qian getting emotional is making me emotional. What is this series doing to me?

San Pang: ”Do you want him to have a future without you?” My eyes are leaking again! What the fuck is this series doing to me?

I stopped mid-confrontation because Yuan’s calmness was killing me. But, also, some of the things Qian has said so far gave me the feeling that his approach to figuring out if his feelings for Yuan are brotherly love or something more is more about thinking/reflecting on it rather than feeling it. In my experience, thinking isn’t the best way to gain clarity when it comes to emotions. Clarity comes from feeling and experiencing the emotions. So, just shut up and kiss already… Perhaps it’s time for Yuan to give Qian a little nudge in the right direction, even though he’s been so cautious not to cross the line since he came back home.

Qian: ”All I know is I can’t live without you.” The fact that he’s admitting that, out loud, to Yuan… We’re making some progress.

Seriously, Yuan’s calmness is killing me. He still thinks it’s his problem that he fell for Qian. He still thinks it’s his shit to handle. He still doesn’t want to put that on Qian. Being calm is almost like his armor.

I fucking knew they would cut pre-kiss! That’s just mean.

This episode was great! I loved that Yuan finally found out the truth. I loved that he ignored Qian (again, it’s a me-thing). I loved all the emotions. Seriously, the amount of time I spent crying… I just realized it took me just a little less than 2 hours to watch this 30-ish minute episode…

What is this series doing to me?

[papermint-airplane]

I was tagged by *inhales* @faeriefrolic, @nocturnalazure, @treason-and-plot, @drawing-way-outside-the-lines, and @anamoon63. I love you guys! Thank you for remembering me while I was taking an unexpected hiatus! 😭💖

I don't remember if I've done this one or not for any of my main three RT characters and I'm not going to go back to look right now because I'm lAaAaAzY today so I'm going to do this one for a slightly older character. Viridia. No reason. I just think people need to keep Viridia in mind. For no. reason.

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire Tag

A set of 20 questions to get to know your OC!

What uncommon/common fear do they have? Viridia is the daughter of a witch and a witch's thrall, so not a whole lot scares her. She's seen her share of spooky things growing up. That being said, she suffers from ephebiphobia, the fear of teenagers. It's not like she'll run screaming from them, or anything. She just doesn't trust them. Not one little bit.

Do they have any pet peeves? Oh a lot. Stuck up people, overly cheerful people, rules, being asked if she's an alien (she's half toad), not getting her way, libraries, and restaurants with a dress code.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? Handcuffs, those little nose strips that stop you from snoring, and a grimoire. Viridia doesn't have any magic herself, she just likes reading spells to lull her to sleep at night.

What do they notice first in a person? Their reaction to her. Viridia is aware that she's...a lot and that her personality can be a little polarizing. So if people are flinching away from her or giving her a wide berth, those are the people she's the most interested in. What? I said she was aware, not that she was introspective.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? 4. She seems like a badass, but she's a total marshmallow.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? Fight mode. Which makes the previous fact all the more hilarious. She's the walking personification of "can dish it out but can't take it".

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? Viridia is the only child of a witch and said witch's toadified thrall.

What animal represents them best? I Googled "loudest land animal on Earth" and got "The loudest land animal is the bulldog bat, whose sound registers at 140 dB." So that one.

What is a smell that they dislike? Men's cheap cologne. I don't think I have to explain that one.

Have they broken any bones? Like, in her own body or in someone else's? Be more specific.

How would a stranger likely describe them? Loud. Hot. But loud.

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? Viridia is more of an "I'm awake when I'm awake and you just have to deal with that" bird.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Viridia hates black licorice, which is the only correct opinion to have about black licorice. Her favorite flavor is black currant.

Do they have any hobbies? Viridia likes bar games. When she was in college, she hung out at bars a lot because she got a student discount and she discovered a talent for various bar games. Darts, pool, beer pong, poker. Anything she can hustle you at, basically. And she will. Don't put money on any game Viridia suggests.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? Loudly.

Do they like to wear jewelry? Viridia's not the biggest jewelry girl in the world. She likes to make a statement with her clothing, but she doesn't accessorize too often.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? Viridia has Viridia handwriting. She tends to bear down on the pen, making bold lines that really make an impression...on the next six or seven pages underneath the one she's currently writing on. It's neat enough to be legible, I suppose, but that's not really what you're focusing on when you read it. Pens don't last long around her.

What are two emotions they feel the most? Lust and annoyance. Do with that as you will.

Do they have a favorite fabric? Lycra.

What kind of accent do they have? See this one is tricky because I don't ever really think about my characters having accents. I guess you could argue they have my brain's accent when I read what I wrote for them back. I don't know. I tend to focus less on their accent and more on their affect, like Aiden stammers a lot and Viridia screams at the top of her lungs all the time...that sort of thing. I guess what I'm saying is you can headcanon my characters to have any accent you want and you're technically correct.

I'm going to tag...uh...let's see...probably everyone has done this by now...

@happy-lemon, @bool-prop, @pralinesims, and Idk who else. I've been slacking on my Simblring so I haven't caught up on my dash in a while. I don't know who has done what. I'm so sorry. 😭😭

[scavengerssuccotash]

What does aftercare look like for Clint and Nat?

Depends on what kind of aftercare you’re looking for, my dear.

Was it a rough mission that left their bodies sore and aching?

If that’s the case they soothe each other’s sore muscles away in a variety of ways. For Natasha the bulk of her sore muscles rests in her thighs and legs. Clint with usually draw her a nice hot bath with some soaking salts (lavender scented) and let her decompress. Sometimes he’ll join her, especially if his back is hurting, but most times he just lets her rest in the bath and play errand boy if she needs something. Afterwards, Natasha will curl up with him on the couch with her feet in his lap so he can rub them. And oh god! His hands? If Natasha were religious his hands is the closest thing to making her believe in a god. About the time he works his way up her calves, she’s limp against the arm of the couch and almost asleep.

Clint on the other hand carries most of his stress in his shoulders and arms. (Clint often jokes that if you put the two of them together, her legs and his upper body, they could qualify for a retirement community by the state of their joints alone.) With that said, baths hardly touch the ache in his shoulders. Showers are his go-to, along with icy-hot and Natasha’s own bone melting masseuse skills. Repetition with the draw weight he’s got might’ve given him great definition but it also aged his rotator cuffs and shoulder blade ten years. After a long hot shower, you can find him sitting on the floor between Natasha’s legs with an ice pack on each shoulder as she rubs his neck.

Or are you looking for the tumble between the sheets kind of aftercare?

In which case this came to them with much more difficulty than it did with the other kind. Particularly for Natasha. Any wonder why? The first few times they slide between the sheets, Natasha would jump out of bed, quickly throw on her clothes and leave while Clint just laid in bed still coming down from his post coital high, dazed and ultimately confused. In hindsight, Natasha’s sudden departure after taught Clint a lot about himself. Namely: how much he really did like and need the after romp cuddling. Be it some internalized misogyny, or a lack of self introspection Clint had just assumed that is what you did with your partner, so…he did it and didn’t look into it any deeper than the surface level. Turns out it just took Natasha leaving him high and dry (wet?) for him to realize that, “actually no, I think I like the cuddling!?”

Conversely Natasha dipped because she had wanted to stay, which was in of itself a terrifying epiphany to have after what she’ll testify to is the best sex ever. It was all too much too fast and god she can’t do this?! Can she? She wants to, but…

In the end it took three months, a couple of drunken blurt out your feelings kind of nights, and a close call in Mumbai for them to get on the same page.

For Clint to say, “I need to a place to land after soaring that high, Nat. I drop like a fucking stone, and it’s not a good feeling!”

And for Nat to say, “I don’t know what to do with all this, I wasn’t trained on what to do if I actually fell!”

“No one gets a manual, Tasha. You just do what feels right.”

“Us. That feels right.”

Natasha relaxes into their after sex cuddle sessions a little bit better after this. She still leaves after, only spending the nights when they drink and she doesn’t want to drive or bother with a taxi or public transport, but she stops leaving right away. She lingers long enough for Clint to be on the precipice of sleep, before slipping out of bed. Which is fine by Clint, he’s admittedly a bit of a bed hog.

About a year and two months into their relationship, the aftercare is superb. Clint gets his cuddles, and Natasha, well Natasha gets breakfast in bed now. And sometimes, when Clint’s feeling a bit cheeky he will wake her up in the most delicious of ways.

Thanks for asking, hope you enjoy! 🥰

[those70scomics]

Fictober Day 13: "that's not the point"

That '70s Show Fanfiction

In Eric's office at Blinkhorn Toys, Kelso described integrating a dynamic programming language into a new line of educational toys for kids. His facility for computer code never cessed to be impressive -- or surprising for someone with Kelso's lack of common sense. But he'd always been good with numbers, and Eric was glad the VP of toy development agreed to hire Kelso as a consultant.

"And you can make cartridges to swap out for different learning games," Kelso said, sitting across Eric's desk. "It'll be the Sesame Street version of a Gameboy." He shoved his proposal aside and laved his fingers together on the desk. "Now let's talk about you knocking up Donna with a kid."

Eric choked on his coffee. His coughs were whispers compared to the cacophony in his brain. Kelson couldn't know Donna was pregnant. Neither of Eric's parents would've told him, and Donna sure as hell wouldn't.

Kelso stood, dashed to Eric's side of the desk, and patted his back hard. "Arms up."

"I'm fine," Eric coughed out, but Kelso insisted on hitting his back more. "Enough!" He swatted Kelso away, but Kelso stayed close. "What -- what do you mean, exactly?"

"Betsy's got cousins and friends, but Brooke wants her to have a sibling. I can barely handle one kid, and who knows if Jackie and Hyde'll ever become parents, so if you and Donna ... "

"Oh, thank God." Eric's throat was raw, but Kelso was just being Kelso. Eric directed him to return to the chair across the desk. "Betsy's a good kid. You're way more capable of fatherhood than you give yourself credit for."

Kelso was seated again and said, "That's not the point. I never want Betsy to feel like she's not important, the most important person to me along with her mom. Having another kid now would kill her sense of reality. She's already ten. My older brothers were basically out of the house by the time the twins were born. It's all sorts of messed up."

"Wow. You've become introspective in your old age." Eric was joking about the last part. Kelso had turned thirty this year. He was hardly elderly, but he did think a lot more deeply. "How would Donna and me having a baby help you?"

"Well, you could name me and Brooke your kid's godparents. Then we'd visit each other a lot more often, and Brooke would get to hold an infant in her arms again."

The muscles in Eric's back tensed. He and Donna had already chosen Hyde and Jackie's as godparents. They were doing a great job as Betsy's, and they were more than friends but family. "So Brooke's missing baby-time, and you want to give her some without actually having another one. That's really sweet of you, man."

"Actually, it's selfish." Kelso grabbed the blind proposal he'd written, and his thumb repeatedly rubbed the corner of it's cover. "I want Brooke to remember how much work having a baby is -- the no-sleeping, the puke, the poop -- and realize we made the right choice having only one."

"But all that stuff's temporary," Eric said. He'd been reading his dad's baby log about him, and the relief Dad experienced once Eric was potty trained had jumped off the page. "What about all the fun and joy you have raising Betsy?"

Kelso stopped fiddling with his proposal and scratched his jawline. "Yeah, she'll be a teenager soon and won't hang out with me and Brooke as much anymore. Then she'll go to college ... and Brooke and I had Betsy when we were barely in our twenties. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having another kid, except ... "

"Except ... ?"

"The no-sleep, puke, and poop will take our attention away from Betsy. She might feel like we've replaced her."

Eric drank what remained of his coffee. What he said next could influence Kelso in either direction, and he didn't need that responsibility. So he took a moment to craft his words carefully. "Why don't you and Brooke ask Betsy how she'd feel about have sibling?"

The tortured expression on Kelso's face vanished. "Ask Betsy! Eric, you're a genius!" He patted the proposal and said, "Okay, you talk to your VP about this. I've got to get back to Chicago. ... Ask Betsy -- why didn't I think of that?"

"Don't forget that she's ten!" Eric shouted after him. Kelso was already at the office door. "She won't understand what becoming a big sister means unless it's fully explained to her."

"Brooke'll be good at that." Kelso was halfway out the door. "Thanks for everything, Eric!"

He disappeared into the hallway, but Eric wasn't sure if his advice was good or if he should've kept his mouth shut. Friday the thirteenth produced strange effects in people, and a sense of eerieness invaded his body.

He'd be making decisions for a helpless being soon enough -- he and Donna would be -- and mistakes were an inextricably part of parenthood. Of life. His errors might be fatal, and he finally and truly got why Donna was reading all those baby books.

He picked up the receiver of his office phone and dialed his mom. She only worked part time at Point Memorial Hospital these days and never on Fridays. When she picked up, he said, "Hello, Mom? ... No, everything's fine. ... My voice is not squeaky -- anyway, when's the earliest date we could schedule a one-on-one babycare lesson?"

[msfbgraves]

Daniel's CK fashion 'choices'

Got a lovely shoutout by @puella-peanut that I may or may not have written about Daniel LaRusso's Cobra Kai colour schemes, and honestly I couldn't tell you on my life but of course I have Thoughts on them...

First off the Doylist reason is that somehow, a story that completely hinged on Daniel LaRusso is not allowed to be about Daniel LaRusso, even if it only makes sense when supposed focal point character Johnny is obsessed, still, with Daniel LaRusso. There was less to Johnny to build off of originally because he wasn't the protagonist and apparently nothing interesting happened to him in the meantime, other than his non-relationship with Robby. That would make him pale a bit as a character of course. And CK could have pointed out that this is slightly weird because say what you want about Daniel and his obsession with father figures, he was not obsessed with Johnny Lawrence. Just wasn't. The glaring void of his Dad? Yes. His absolute same shutdown after Miyagi's death? Yes. Terry Silver, whose female version he married? Yes. But not Johnny Lawrence. By your own writing choices, CK. And apparently you couldn't think of anything to fill Johnny's life with but the glaring absence of purpose and a complete overreaction to seeing an old classmate on daytime tv.

Now how weird Johnny is for that could have made a good arc, Billy and Martin Kove really tried so hard to make it make sense, through Robby even, but you told them to be good boys and say their lines. And you're dressing Daniel down because otherwise he pulls focus. In his own saga! Who'd have thunk it.

Still, without him nothing in the show makes sense. Will Johnny ever admit that he has been in love with Daniel since that punk showed up in his life, but doesn't dare do anything about his attraction to men because Kreese nearly killed him for it? I don't think the writers sold the show that way to their networks, but well. And Kreese's delusions about Terry and Terry's dormant obsession with Daniel, that Kreese poked awake with a stick... well none of that is about Johnny anymore is it? Yes you put him there, which is funny since he is so brilliantly immune to Terry. It's funny, but nothing else! Are you surprised Daniel is more compelling if Johnny does so little introspection and we've simply seen more of Daniel?

Still to go back to what we do see, and the Watsonian reasons for why Daniel mutes himself.

He's trying to not be seen, which, as a spokesperson for a brand, isn't ideal.

Ever since he was sixteen, and had started dating, he could always get along with girls, hang out, flirt, date, dance... But guys got really weird and kept trying to kill him. Until Terry, who did away with all of that and simply decided he was going to fuck him right on that dojo mat. And I'm pretty sure he did, right after he taught Daniel how to break that dummy. And that ended horrifically but I do think it clicked for Daniel. Oh. Yeah, men want to fuck me. And I'm into that... but the problem is most of them try to kill me instead. Right. Shit. And as every woman alive knows - clothing, colouring, fit, hair, it all sends a message. If you want it, random guy, know that I'm not asking for it. Really. That's not what's going on. Well unless I'm trying to sell you cars but then I need you befuddled. But I can't look too good when I do that, even. I'm a slightly higher end car sales guy. Not even luxury. This is a family company. I want you to be charmed but stop yourself from being horny. You're not into a non threatening car sales guy, OK? I need you to tell yourself it's the car. Although when Amanda and Daniel do it together I'm sure no customer knows where their head is anymore.

And when there's no car to be sold? He dresses even further down. He's married. He's not trying to be available. Stop hitting him, hitting on him, doing both - unless he's into the people hitting him because what is a little karate between friends? Still it breaks my heart that here is a man that doesn't want to be alluring - his commercials are so idiotically bad - but still is constantly objectified, and used. Does he like his sales position? Does he like being a mechanic? He does remarkably little of either. He is literally a strawman enabling Amanda to run the business - he's deflecting the sexual harassment away from her, and mitigating the misogyny, but it looks like all these years of either being hit or hit on made him afraid of being seen and that may have stunted him. Forget repressing his feelings, he's always done that. Now he's repressing himself. Even the Miyagi Do presentation in S2(?) was only in shadows.

No wonder he keeps having these strange outbursts.

[heartsaplenty]

Why had it taken him this long to reach out again.. The burning question on Ren's mind as he once more held a handwritten note, in the same place they had met before.

Akechi was here again too, sitting in another tree. Ren knew why. It was like a game to him, to see if Makoto could play hide and seek just as well as he had before. There was no doubt in either of their minds, deep down, that he would know exactly. Neither talked about him much until last night, but they both came up with the same words- albeit phrased just a bit differently.

Whoever this guy was, he was powerful. Powerful enough to cause over a week of rain. Stealthy enough to get past him, a master of the art. Who knew what else he was capable of, or what he could do if he set his mind to it.

Even lost in thought, he still heard those footsteps. Satanael pined and reached. It didn't hurt as bad this time, but it still shocked him just as much.

Unlike last time, this meeting was being held earlier in the day, yet as always, nobody would find it. It was a mini sanctuary, and briefly Ren had to wonder if that was a part of Makoto's doing. He knew one thing for sure though, if their meet ups were going to be more of a regular thing, the guy would need a nickname or something. Knowing two Makoto's was going to be a bit of a challenge.

He had to go back over his thoughts. He had never recided the meet ups were going to be regular.. It forced a head shake. Even just being slightly in his presence caused emotions to run wild.

"Is something wrong..?"

The voice came from right next to Ren, and it made him jump noticeably.

"Oh.. I thought I had given enough warning." A sigh followed. "Still so much to work on."

Relaxed again, Ren studied him before even thinking about answering. His heart beat fast, the shard inside pulsed faster. Yet, despite it all, he could see that Makoto looked much better than the first time they had met. He almost seemed.. Content. Things met his eyes. The slight smile connected this time.

"I was waiting for you." Ren found himself answering, the words leaving his mouth before he could even try to stop them.

Had he been waiting? Satanael sure had been, but everything was too muddled for introspection. It was just like last time.

"Sorry.. I was learning. Getting used to this world again. It's been ten years, Joker. I'm still missing a part of myself, but I'll never get that back. Not until we're done."

That sadness was back, and it washed over him as well. Joker tried so hard to fight through it. Make sense of his words.. Or at least remember them for later.

"My own team.. I want to be ready to face them. It's.... Hard. My place isn't here any more. I fulfilled my fate."

"Then... Why are you here?" Ren managed to ask, struggling against everything.

"I don't know. I still can't remember."

It was such a small amount of words, but they held an undeniable power over him. From afar, he heard a strangled gasp, meaning it had hit Akechi too.

Ren placed his hand atop Makoto's again. They were still so cold, and somehow still felt wet to the touch- though it was clear they weren't.

"Don't know.. How to help you. I want to.. I decided. Need to know though.. Where are you supposed to be?"

Makoto almost instantly perked up, looking Ren in the eyes. They were mystifying- even.. Hypnotizing.

"Protecting you. Protecting everyone. Part of me is still there. The part of me that lived."

"Do you.. Have your persona?"

Makoto laughed. Ren's heart soared again. He could swear that Satanael swooned. Seriously. What was wrong with him?

"That's a very hard question to answer, Joker. I.. I think so. The longer I'm here, the more I can feel again. Just the other day, I got my taste back."

He was giddy now. Good. He deserved to be. Ren didn't know how he knew that, it was more a strong feeling.

"What.. Happened to you?"

The question was meant with silence. Five seconds passed.. Then ten. Then a whole minute. Eventually, Ren understand what it meant.

"Sorry.. Sorry. Shouldn't ask, right? Rude of me."

".....It's okay." It was quiet. So quiet.. Ren flinched.

"It's not okay."

"You're right."

He should have known better.

"Me and Yu will meet up with you again soon. Can you do something for me, Joker?"

How could he ever say no?

"Yeah."

"One of my friends is in Shibuya right now. I'm not.. Ready yet, but if you could meet him, I will do what I can to help you, too."

"Will you tell me what he looks like?"

"Tall.. Brown messy hair. His name is Ken."

Makoto reached into his pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper that was slipped into Ren's hand.

"You can find him here."

"What do you want me to say?"

"You're Joker. You charmed a whole nation.. You don't need me to tell you that."

Makoto offered one more smile, before he started walking off. Just like that..

Ren reached out from behind him, a 'wait' on the tip of his tongue- but the ever so mysterious man just... Melted into the ground. He could only look on.

[alizaphale]

Crowley watching through windows

Okay, guys, I am not finished with this thought but I need to share... I watched Good Omens season 2 again for the umph-teenth time yesterday and it occurred to me that we have three shots of Crowley watching things happening through windows.

One is obviously the time when he makes it rain and watches Nina and Maggie underneath the awning.

Second is when Aziraphale sends him off to fetch Nina and Maggie for the ball.

Third is after Crowley saved Nina and Maggie from nearly being turned into pillars of salt and comes back to the bookshop, just to stop outside the window and watch Aziraphale ring the bell to get everyone to "speak one at a time".

I'm not sure how the first scene fits in with this but... I know people have said before that season 2 is very much focused on Aziraphale, up to the point that whole minisodes are told from Aziraphale's point of view only. But this really made it clear to me how much Aziraphale (unintentionally?!) shuts him out in a way.

Aziraphale is very much taking the lead (despite the fact that he knows how much Crowley likes rescuing him and says he lets him...) and even tells Crowley to "wait an see".

Looking at Crowley during these scenes, he is entirely enraptured during the first scene (watching Nina and Maggie), but rather disappointed (maybe embarrassed?) when his plan doesn't work out. Did he loose confidence after that? Is that why he is happy watching Aziraphale "from afar" instead of taking a more active part? I mean, even when Aziraphale goes off to ask people to join the Whickber Street Traders Thingy Magic he just asks if he can "watch" and stays in the background throughout - messing about a bit here and there, but basically really just observing.

During the second scene, I think, he is thinking about Nina's words and reflecting on his feelings for Aziraphale, probably thinking something along the lines of "oh yeah, that's my angel. Damn it, she was right, I love him!"

During the third scene he just seems very proud of his angel, I think. He enjoys watching him taking charge and standing up to those bookshop-invaders.

I think there's a lot happening on the inside for Crowley during season 2. He's observing his surroundings and himself, collecting information (even when he goes to heaven, he "just" watches what has happened with Gabriel...) and processing. We don't really see that because Aziraphale is the narrator in most parts.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, would benefit from some introspection and stopping, but he's too busy trying to solve problems that aren't his to meddle with (Nina and Maggie) in order to show his love for Crowley (which would be so much easier if he just talked...).

It's just... it breaks my heart every time I see Crowley on the other side of a window, glancing in, getting an idea, probably wanting to be part of it but not quite there, and not being able to communicate, to bond and to connect because of that (literal!) invisible barrier between them that puts them on - hang on - different sides!

The fact that these window-gazing moments happen during major moments (Aziraphale going through with his ball, and Aziraphale dealing with angels and demons in his bookshop) just represents that they aren't on their own side (yet?! Please, let it be a "yet"!) when it comes to the big decisions and plans.

Now I'm gonna go, walk the dog and cry a bit. Because you all probably thought of all this ages ago but I only figured it out now. I will never look at Crowley gazing through a window the same again...

[cherryjuicegf]

alone + midnight + mistake for the ask game <3

thanks bestie absolutely LOVED these and it turned out to be an essay so under the cut <3

alone: just the right spot actually because loneliness is like a huge theme in the story. katerina has generally felt alone forever and pretends she's completely fine with that and she had no other choice really, she has many ways of being with herself. yet she's social and pleasant and just seeks company everywhere but never actually commits, never actually belongs, she is safe in her aloneness and she doesn't admit it and that's why, even though she craved human connection, she married a man who's away for a year at a time. stavros on the other hand is like. extremely angry. enraged. he is forced to be alone by society, by his mother and after alkis goes to the sea, by his best friend and the love of his life. his one chance at not being alone is snatched from him and he takes it out both on katerina and alkis in very subtle ways. but the thing is he craves company so much he ends up connecting with the woman he's trapping in his revenge narrative so. yeah not rly good at planning. on his own he's very introspective (in the wrong direction nevertheless) and i like to think he inspects himself in the mirror a lot, trying to be on his own who he cannot be outside. but the whole point of his character is his need for love and company which he's deprived of even in the best case scenario of running away so he cannot handle being actually alone. the only thing keeping him is the secret hope that, despite everything he's done, he is not alone.

midnight: katerina absolutely has no restful sleep schedule, miss girl hasn't slept free of anxiety ever in her life. constant anxiety that she's not enough, that her life is slipping away, trying to convince herself that she made the right choice and to a point believing it so that she doesn't hive her mother the satisfaction of running away again in failure. she wakes every morning and haunts the porch of her house to see if stavros will deliver a letter and can't stop questioning her disappointment and her happiness at the same time. and it's the loneliness that connects her with stavros tbh because it's the main reason he stays awake. he stays in bars till morning hoping to merge with the crowd, be invisible. he has the earliest shift as a postman. he lays in bed at night thinking about how empty it feels, how different everything could be and how he can get away. ridden with guilt for deceiving katerina, for even thinking about leaving his mother alone, for being so cowardly to do what he wants, or needs to do to get away. generally not much of a good night's sleep for these two.

mistake: love how all these are interconnected huh. i think katerina hasn't yet realized her marriage is that worst mistake for. well. MANY reasons. she's so loyal and has faith and alkis really did make her feel something extraordinary so she gave no second thought and she's fighting tooth and nail to keep it together now and when she realizes [redacted] happens so she will really never be able to fix it, forever trapped. so like her worst mistake is being desperate for love, and not admiting it made her reckless too. stavros on the other hand has .uh. has made many mistakes. uh. dude is a rocky slope fr. he thinks his worst mistake is opening up to katerina and he tries to take it back desperately but it's too late and she always sees underneath it so their connection is inevitable. so then his worst mistake could be that he is so devoted to alkis but so blinded by his bitterness and anger that he forges this terrible lie to try and get away from him, and keeps it up until everyone gets hurt so idk. maybe his worst mistake is being prone to passion. his worst mistake is loving. oh and no one ever moves on :)