#oh how far ive come and its only been short of 6 months since i picked up writing again

[heart-select]

I saw this note on an old fic and 😭😭😭😭 oh baby heart, if only u knew your first chapter of a bagginshield fic is at 10k words and ur current writing document is more than 80k

[petri808]

Bakudeku canon divergent, vampire quirk AU

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

“How are you holding up son, are you eating enough food? You need to keep up your strength.” Mitsuki Bakugou questioned through the phone when her son called to give her an update.

“Yeah, yeah, of course I am! And, um, thanks for the money you put in my account,” Bakugou mumbled his appreciation.

“It’s from us, Inko, and All Might— actually he’s been putting up the bulk of it. We’re all hoping you find Izuku soon, but until then we’ll make sure you have what you need, just bring him home.”

“I’m working on it. Bastard’s not making it easy, but at least the damn authorities haven’t picked up on the trail yet.” It was a good thing, because Bakugou didn’t need them scaring Midoriya further away.

“You’re like a dog with a bone when you put your mind to something, so I know you’ll find a way.”

“I can’t believe you just equated me to a dog!”

“Oh, bite your tongue boy! It’s an expression!”

“Yeah, yeah. I better go, the train’s here.” He could see it pulling into Kawaji station.

“Are you still not gonna tell us where you are?”

“Nope. He moves around a lot anyways. Just know we haven’t left Honshu.”

“Alright. Good luck son. I’ll pass on your update to Inko and All Might.”

This game of hide and seek was physically wearing on Bakugou, but there was nothing short of a full incapacitation that would keep him from searching. After the Ena incident, Midoriya’s tactics had changed somewhat. The man moved more frequently and, in a zigzag, whereas in the past it had been heading in a straight line towards Shizuoka to the southwest. But there was one thing Midoriya couldn’t hide— victims. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.

There were still times victims were drained, but not all of them. Bakugou surmised in order to not leave them fully incapacitated like before, his friend wasn’t always waiting until he was hungry, or he hadn’t learned to control it yet. He probably fed almost nightly, picking drunkards who wouldn’t remember what happened, and even less likely to report the incident. But less reports made it harder to track, and less blood also forced Midoriya to drink more often. Bakugou hoped that with shorter times between attacks, the man would get sloppy and make a mistake.

There were a lot of small towns all over, including abandoned structures from older times. Plenty of places to hide, not to mention dense forests and the mountainous terrain of central Japan that a person could disappear in. When tracking a lack of victim reports grew frustrating, Bakugou started looking for other clues, and in one town, a perceptive police officer commented about thefts he’d been hearing about from the surrounding areas. Random stores or restaurants, even some homes reporting the theft of food, sometimes clothing, basically survival type supplies but no valuables, which are not the norm of a burglary. It was brilliant.

Bakugou had thanked the officer for the information and immediately began inquiring in towns and watching newspapers where they were having both types of problems. It took almost a month, including a couple of near misses, until Bakugou knew he was closing in.

Local newspapers were reporting about unusual happenings in the smaller towns. In Ieyama city, high up in the mountains north of Shizuoka, Bakugou spoke with a police officer and confirmed a rash of strange incidents reported. Three burglaries of just food, one bath house broken into after closing, and a couple of reported attacks where the victims had marks on their necks. So far, Izuku’s new behaviors included sticking around the same area for about a week before moving on. With these latest cases only 3 days old in total, Bakugou knew they were a fresh lead.

“Yesterday, right?”

“Yes, the last burglary was in the afternoon while the homeowner was at work.” Using a paper map, the police officer showed Bakugou the location of the most recent burglary as well as two others over the last couple of days. It was very telling. The three places were centered around a 4-block radius. “If you are looking for hiding spots, there is an abandoned factory in that area. I’ll give you the address.”

“Thanks. I doubt they’d stay so close to the attack grounds, but I’ll check it out.” He didn’t want any of them following him.

It was still daylight, but Bakugou didn’t want to waste any time and risk his friend moving again after dark, heading straight for the dilapidated warehouse. The place looked like it had been emptied for a longtime. There was a rusted, chain link fence around the property, many broken windows, and weeds growing over the structure. Bakugou crept up to one of the windows, and heard nothing, so he moved slowly, quietly around the exterior paying close attention to any sounds or movements inside. But he heard nothing to indicate anything was there, not even an animal. Maybe it was another dead end, or maybe Midoriya was just sleeping. Un-phased, he moved inside the two-story building to make absolutely sure.

It took a while to search cautiously through the darkness, watching his step so not to step on anything or make a noise. The vastly open bottom floor was almost completely empty aside from a few left behind junk. So, Bakugou moved to the second floor where offices once were. Of all the areas, the top floor would provide the warmest cover, as well as quicker access to the roof. Like a trained tactical soldier, he cleared room after room, moving down the hallway that separated the individual offices, and one by one, eliminating them from the search. Finally, Bakugou reached the last one and heard the soft breathing of a sleeping person. Well, that meant two options, it’s just a homeless person or he’d finally caught his friend off guard.

Bakugou peered cautiously around the door frame. It was dark, but just enough light from a small window allowed his eyes to adjust quickly on a form lying down on the floor. Next to the person was a backpack, empty food containers strewn around, and possibly other items from the burglaries. There was also a make-shift hearth of broken bricks and a metal bowl with dark residue inside. He could even smell the light scent of soot mixed with burnt wood. ‘Gotcha!’ He smirked as he pocketed his flashlight and pulled out a special pair of handcuffs used to dampen quirks. It didn’t completely shut down a person’s quirk, but it kept them from using its full power. He was ready for Midoriya this time.

‘Almost there…’ he crept forward in a crouched manner ready to pounce like a predator stalking its prey in careful movements since he no longer had the flashlight out to see by. ‘Damn minefield,’ Bakugou grumbled as he navigated around the strewn mess of stuff the sleeping man had around him. ‘Almost there—'

*Crunch*

A piece of glass shattered below his boot, the sounds reverberating off the silent cement walls. “Shit!” Bakugou dove forward when Midoriya immediately popped up and tried to dash away. “Not this time nerd!”

“Waaahhhcchan!” Midoriya screamed as he was tackled to the floor. The two men fought, vying for footing, but the blonde kept them on the ground. Bakugou grabbed for and slapped one end of the handcuffs onto one of Midoriya’s wrists. “Nooo!” The man screamed.

“Not this time Deku! You ain’t getting away!”

Weakened by the cuff, Bakugou poured all his strength into jerking the disheveled man, flipping him onto his stomach, and tweaking his arm behind him into a wrist lock for leverage.

Midoriya screamed again from the pain, but nevertheless fought with all he had. Unfortunately, the cuffs were doing their job. “Please, Kacchan! Don’t do this!”

“Tough shit!” Bakugou snapped back and attached the other cuff to his own wrist. The effects would hamper them both, but “I dare you, nerd, you can’t beat me in a contemporary fight.” He was confident of such, having always been the physically stronger of the two regardless of quirk. “I’m taking you home!”

Midoriya wriggled, and tugged, but it was of no use. His friend had planted his feet, dropped his weight, and refused to budge. He didn’t want to risk exhausting himself and triggering a full-blown thirst like last time, so he stopped struggling.

After a few seconds, Bakugou got off the man and turned him over so he could sit up. Midoriya nursed his arm and rubbed at his wrist to soothe the pain. “Of course, I want to go home,” he sighed. “But it’s too dangerous Kacchan, why can’t you understand that?”

“Eri’s getting better every day, one day she’ll be able to control her quirk and fix you.”

“That’s not good enough. What are you gonna do, lock me up hoping she can fix me?! You saw what happened! Just like we eat food every day, I need blood, how are you gonna deal with that?!”

“Fine,” Bakugou shrugged, “we’ll hook you up to an IV and feed you blood when you need it.”

“No,” Midoriya started tugging again as tears flowed down his cheeks. “Please,” he begged, “this is too embarrassing, don’t you understand! I’ll never be able to be a hero again, my reputation will be ruined once everyone finds out! Hero society will look bad! It’s better I stay away!”

Frustrated with having his wrist yanked, Bakugou whipped his friend around and put him in a carotid choke hold. “Well, I’m not fucking leaving,” he spat, “so, we need to come up with a solution. Now stop fucking fighting me and get it through your head, the reality is I’m not going anywhere.”

Midoriya clawed at Bakugou’s arm trying to pull it away from his neck, but the man had it cinched in tight. If he kept struggling, he was bound to pass out. Exhausted, he finally relented and turned into a dead weight, sobbing quietly. “Why are you doing this, Kacchan… why?”

“Because a friend once told me I need to save to win, and right now you need to be saved for me to win.”

“Right? Win, I get it,” Midoriya narrowed his eyes along with tone. “This is an ego thing? You’ll take me back to show how you’re still better than me?” His heart didn’t believe those words, but as a coping mechanism, it did.

Bakugou let go of the man and shoved him so hard Midoriya face planted on the floor, stretching the handcuff chain to its limit. “I ought’a punch your lights out for saying that! I’m trying to win my friend back you asshole! You think I’d spend all this time chasing you if I didn’t care?!”

“Kacchan…” The man sighed and slowly propped himself back up. “There’s nowhere safe for me to go.”

Bakugou ignored the man and looked at his watch, noting the sun would have fully set by now. It might best to stay another night while he came up with a plan. “Tch, I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, behave or I will just knock you unconscious.”

“Fine, I won’t fight. But I do need to feed tonight.” Midoriya lifted his arm to flash the cuff. “Guess you’ll have to help me.”

“Why? You feeling the urge?” Midoriya nodded yes. “How can you tell?”

Midoriya thought about the answer for a minute before responding. “It’s like feeling dehydrated, maybe, at least in the beginning, but then it starts to get painful if I don’t feed it. I guess think of it like if you don’t eat for so long your stomach hurts— that’s what it’s like.”

“Sounds like it sucks.”

Midoriya snorted. “Understatement. It takes control of my mind by that point, almost as if it’s a survival instinct to protect itself.”

“Well, mister know it all. You ever heard of this kind of quirk before?”

“No,” Midoriya shook his head.

“Do the vestiges have anything to say about all this?”

Again, Midoriya shook his head.

Bakugou groaned and ran a hand down his face. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter for the current situation.” He looked up again fixing a stare at his friend. “So, what do you do to get the blood?”

[sprnklersplashes]

heart of stone (6/?)

AO3

Janis ditches the tights and jean shorts by Wednesday. There’s a slight look of ‘I told you so’ on her mother’s face, but she spares Janis the lecture out of politeness. Janis never thought she’d miss them, but here she is.

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, she scribbles another flower on the page, a twin for the one next to it. Not an exact twin, it’s thinner and its petals are more spiked and sharp than the one she drew before it. It’s less inviting, more dangerous. Angry, even. Like if she picked it up she’d cut her finger on it. She hadn’t intended for it to happen; in fact, she’d set out to doodle some pretty little flowers in an attempt to brighten up her sketchbook. But the pencil, as it often does, did what it wanted. She turns it on the side, trying to find a way to like it. It’s not bad work, not her best but certainly not her worst. Maybe she could like it if she had drawn it earlier, but she had really been hoping to get something nice into her book today.

With a sigh, she sets the book on her lap and swings her body around so that her feet dangle over the edge of her bed. Her next round of chemo isn’t due for a few hours, a long stretch of time to attempt to fill with activity. While she’s only been in the hospital for two full days, she’s decided that the worst part is the waiting around for the next thing to happen. Granted, much of that can be put on her as she’s spent more time in her room than she has anywhere else, distracting herself with TV and art and her parents and texting her friends every chance she can get. It all comes together and forms some kind of routine for her, one that’s built with as much familiarity and comfort as possible woven through it. The only downside to it is that the room’s been getting progressively smaller since two days ago and it wasn’t long before it started choking her.  

She left the door slightly open and peers into the hallway, the brightness of the walls striking against the cool tones of her room. She can hear the faint sounds of half-conversations that overlap with each other; nurses gossiping with each other while fiddling with IVs, the inhabitants of the longue talking and laughing about who knows what, doctors prescribing new rounds of medicine. The ward is much more alive than she had Janis ever thought it could be, a constant hum in the background of the day to day life keeps the place awake.

She taps her nails on the cover of her book, her swinging legs gaining momentum as she debates following the pull in her chest, compelling her to maybe leave her room for more than five minutes at a time and follow the sounds of conversation. Maybe talk to people who aren’t her medical team or her parents. Make some friends, because as everyone knows, cancer wards are prime social hotspots. She may not be here forever, but she’ll be here long enough to justify getting comfortable.

What’s the worst that can happen, logic had asked her that first night.

Literally so freaking much, she responded. Friends aren’t exactly her strong suit. Regina was a mistake, Damian was luck, and Cady was a gift. She could indulge her inner loser and tell herself it’s because she’s special and tailor made to a few specific people, but the thought of that makes her roll her eyes. So she faces up to the truth and all it entails; that she’s merely been unlucky in the friendship department, something that can be boiled down to one terrible experience and everything that came after it and lingers long after the smoke has cleared.

You’re being ridiculous she tells herself. If there’s a Regina George clone here, she’ll be thoroughly impressed. So she pulls her boots on and pushes herself off the bed, quickly explaining to her mom that she’s going to hang out in the longue for a bit.

“You need me to come with you?”

“I’m fine,” she says, a small smile on her face as she pulls on a cardigan. She nods at the intense competitive cooking show her mom has on the TV. “Tell me who wins. And don’t leave out any details.”

“Well we both know it’s not going to be Leticia judging by the look of that beef,” she says seriously. Janis clicks her tongue before turning and heading down, her steps smaller than normal and her sketchbook held against her chest like a shield. Her stomach twists uneasily, not from the chemo or anything like that, just from good old-fashioned anxiety. In an odd way, it’s a relief to feel ill in that way.

When she pushes herself past the open doors, all eyes turn to her and only look away to talk with other people. It’s far more populated than the last time she was here, people sitting in groups of two and three, most in pyjamas and some with hats. But all of them in groups, belonging with each other. Is this how Cady felt all those months ago, when she and Damian spotted her heading to the bathroom? Maybe her girlfriend had the right idea that day. A bathroom stall is a way better alternative to a room full of strangers.

Unfortunately, she knows better by now, and so she settles in an armchair as gracefully as she can, her legs tucked beneath her, and tries to shake off the discomfort she feels by opening her book and giving her hands something to do.

“You’re new,” a girl sitting on the floor states. She’s one of the few that actually has hair, dark brown and curly, and it makes Janis feel a little more at ease. Is that bad, she has to ask.

“Third day,” she explains, offering her a small wave. “I’m Janis.”

“Melissa,” she says. She leans back on her arms and exposes a little bandage inside her elbow. Janis pulls her own arm a little closer. Melissa doesn’t seem to notice, instead gesturing to her with her chin.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, this?” she asks, her cheeks growing warm. “Oh, just some drawings I do.”

“Cool,” she says. “So you do art?”

“Sometimes it’s like the art does me," she says dryly, earning a chuckle. “But you know how it is.”

“My best friend says that all the time,” Melissa sighs. “She says she wants to go to art college but I’ve watched her cry over trying to hand in assignments.”

“You sound like my mom,” Janis replies. “Literally every time I bring up doing art in college she tells me how stressful it is.” She shrugs lightly. “She’s not wrong, but it’s the only thing I want to do.”

“Is your mom here?”

“Yeah, she’s back in my room,” she explains. “I left her watching some cooking show on TV.”

“Wow, and you’ve only just here. I’ve been here for a month and I only just got my mom to let me out of her sight,” she sighs, a resigned smile on her face and her eyebrow raised in a silent ‘you know how it is’. “Want to play some Scrabble? We’ve started keeping a scoreboard so we can add you in. We have a whole tournament going.”

“Sounds fun,” Janis says, pushing herself off the chair. “Although I should give you warning, I’m dyslexic, so I kind of suck at it.”

Janis follows her across the longue, slipping her hand into her pocket when she thinks she sees the other girl reach out to her. There’s a pang of guilt in Janis’ chest even though Melissa doesn’t seem to care, and she does her best to work through it. She exchanges names and smiles with other kids, all introduced by Melissa. It’s an odd feeling; she’s not used to being the one who’s introduced. She’s either known people so long she doesn’t need to or she’s the one making the introduction, but today her mouth feels dry and her tongue tied so much that all she can do is say ‘hi’ and try to keep up with the rest of the little group. But despite this, and despite the fact that she does supremely suck at Scrabble, they aren’t half bad. They welcome her in with no problem at all, asking her about school and life and art as they set up tiles and she knows the right questions to ask them. She laughs at their jokes and nods along to the conversation, even adding in her own take now and again as it builds into a steady flow.

It’s not entirely perfect; she can’t help but feel slightly on the outside when they bring up a nurse or a patient she doesn’t know and she’s much more quiet than she’s used to being, unsure which, if any, topics are off-limits, where the lines are. But she’s enjoying herself enough to drown out her earlier worries even if it can’t make them fade entirely, and her mood only picks up when she hears someone behind her say (squeal) her name, followed a flash of pink and rainbow appearing in her vision. How times change when a pink sweater can make her smile instead of grimace.

“Maddie!” The younger girl leans into her side, eyes bright and sparkling, and Janis puts an arm around her shoulders. “Hey kid, where have you been?”

“Where have you been more like,” she replies. “I haven’t seen you since Monday.”

“Been busy,” she says. No one presses, likely because they all understand.  They’ve all been where she is before. “And now I’m busy losing at Scrabble. Badly.” Maddie chuckles and when her arms wrap around Janis and chin rests on her shoulder, she can’t say no to it. There’s nothing uncomfortable about such a gesture and it almost feels as natural as hugging Damian or when Karen rests her head on her shoulder, despite her only knowing the girl for two days.

“Oh hey, did they tell you about the photography thing yet?” she asks.

“That what now?”

“Oh it’s this thing the cancer centre started,” Melissa explains. “Basically they want us to take pictures of stuff that matters to us. Us doing hobbies, us with our friends, the whole shebang. It’s meant to be about our cancer not defining us or whatever.” She gives a casual shrug. “It’s fun anyway. You should do it. Especially since you have your art thing.”

“Sounds like fun,” she says before poking Maddie in the ribs. “Now come on, kid. Help me make a word out of these.”  

And maybe it’s Maddie’s presence or just time passing, but Janis suddenly finds herself a lot less anxious. She even gets to the point where she trades playful insults with another kid, a boy around her age, and form a team up of sorts against him with one of the other girls. They can’t replace her real friends and she wouldn’t try to, the bonds she’s formed with Damian and Cady are too important and were put through too much to be replicated, but she suspects that they could quickly become new friends.

What’s more, treatments and diagnosis come in and out of the conversation with unexpected ease, and when Janis talks about her own, it’s the same. She hadn’t realised how much of this she’d held back, even in her texts and calls with Damian and talks with her mom. And while she feels bad for it, it also feels so, so good to talk to people like this. People who aren’t her parents or her doctors. People who are, well… like her.

And as it turns out, her next round is scheduled the same time as Melissa’s, and so they head down the hallway together. While Melissa continues to make conversation, Janis’ responses dwindle the closer she gets to her room. It doesn’t take long for the good feeling from the longue to fade, and the image of the needle in her vein becomes sharper in her mind.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Janis asks suddenly.

“Sure.”

“Does it…” She swallows past the lump in her throat. She finds a loose thread on her cardigan and toys with it until the question comes out. “Does it ever get easier? All this?”

“Well…” Melissa stops in their tracks and Janis almost trips as she does the same, immediately regretting asking. The other girl bites her lip, searching for the right answer. It feels like hours before she says “I don’t really know. I can’t speak for you. We’re all different here.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I mean… I guess you get used to it. So it starts getting less scary, I guess.”

Janis only nods and then Melissa reaches out and taps her arm.

“It doesn’t stop sucking,” she sighs. “You just get used to it sucking.”

“And then we all bond over it sucking?” she asks, smirking.

“You get it,” she replies with a laugh. “See you later, Janis.”

“Bye.”

After Melissa leaves, she lingers in the hallway for a minute, pressing her finger into the spot where her IV goes. The problem is exactly what Melissa said-you get used to it. And she really, really doesn’t want to get used to it. Getting used it to means that she’ll be here for a while, that something else replaces her old life. Especially now, after the year she had last year, she wants to get used to good stuff, not stuff that ‘sucks’. The idea of this, medicines and hospitals and doctors, becoming normal to her sends a shiver down her back.

But she learned a while ago how to live in reality, even when it’s not what she wants. And it’s with that attitude she walks into her room, where she finds not only her IV set up, but a text from Cady detailing something funny from her math class and how much she misses her.

Even if she gets used to everything else, she knows she’ll never, ever get used to missing Cady.

                                                                                               *****

Friday morning, she wakes later than she normally does. It’s a slow process at the start, sleep pulling her in and begging her to stay, the hospital-issue sheets softer than soft around her and forming a cosy cocoon that she’s so tempted to remain in.

That is, until she remembers what day it is, and then she’s jolted awake.

Friday. Or as she’s called it, Damian-and-Cady day.

It was an unspoken agreement that the two of them were visiting her in here. Just like her father, they were insistent on coming over every moment they could, with Damian jokingly suggesting he could hide under her bed and they could have a sleep over (which they had considered in seriousness and attempted to plan). But thanks to a little thing called school, and another thing called distance, today was the first day she could see them, which is why now she’s wide awake, bright eyed, bushy tailed, everything. Because she’s finally seeing them again and filling the hole in her soul being away from them had carved.

“Morning, kid,” her mom says cheerily, entering the room with a cup of coffee in one hand. “They’re still serving breakfast downstairs, or if you want it brought up to you-”

“Sounds great, Mom,” she replies, only half paying attention. She turns on her phone, her leg bouncing anxiously as she waits for it to load. Has it always been this slow at turning on? She swears it hasn’t been. It takes an eternity for her lockscreen to come up, the time written across it in thin white numbers.

“Ten thirty?” she reads out loud before her head snaps up. “Mom, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Why would I?” she asks. “You need all the rest you can get, and you’ve still got time before you’re due a round.”

“I know,” she sighs, rubbing her eyes. “But Cady and I text good morning to each other and it was my turn this morning. I don’t want her to think I forgot.”

“Well, I’m sure Cady understands. You know, with all that’s going on, maybe she’s not expecting good mornings right now.”

“Course she is,” she replies quickly. In what universe would Cady not wait for a good morning from her? “It’s our thing. Didn’t you and Dad have a thing?” She types out the message and sends it quickly, although Cady probably won’t see it for at least another two hours.

“Oh, you think we did good morning e-mails back in those days?” she says, laughing a little. She sits on the bed next to her on the bed. “So are you getting some breakfast? Someone can bring it up if you don’t feel up to going down, I’ll just tell them what you want-”

“It’s fine, Mom.” She reaches under the bed and pulls on a sweater before slipping into her boots and raking a brush through her hair. “I might as well go down. Someone might take the last yogurt while I’m down there.”

Truthfully, she doesn’t really feel like eating. Not anything bad, she’s just not hungry, but it’ll put her mom’s mind at ease. Just as she thought, the tension fades from her mom’s shoulders, and when she pats her shoulder, there’s more relief in her smile than just breakfast warrants.

She eats in her room, with the TV on, like she does when she’s sick at home. She could eat in the dining room, but despite the new friends she’s made she prefers eating in private, especially away from the buzzing nurses. As she flips around the channels, her phone buzzes on the plastic table, the screen lighting up to show her a new text that makes her smile and roll her eyes at once.

‘Good morning, babe. Can’t wait to see you today. Also, ik I can’t really change it now, but what do we think of the outfit?’

Beneath the message is a picture of Cady in her bedroom mirror, clad in a black vest and blue flannel shirt with white skinny jeans, her hair held back in a high, loose ponytail, soft curls framing her round face, her eyes looking up at the mirror as she gives an open, toothy grin. And Janis can’t help it, she squeals. God damn it, her girlfriend is cute.

‘Love it, love it, love it. You’re the queen of cuteness. And apparently, texting during class. Stop doing that. If I get a text from you between now and lunch I will not cuddle you later.’

‘I’m not texting during class, it’s study hall.’ Wow, what on Earth has happened to the ever-studious, rule following Cady Heron? Not even Plastic Cady texted during study hall. ‘Besides, you have to cuddle with me. It’s legally required and I’m deprived of Janis cuddles.’

‘Only if you be good and don’t text during school hours.’ She fires back, chuckling under her breath. ‘And you remain that freaking adorable.’

“Well someone’s in a good mood.” She looks up and sees Doctor Wiley standing in the doorway, and her smile dips a little, the perfect bubble she was sitting in with Cady ruined. Not enough to ruin her mood, nothing could do that, but it shakes it.

“It’s her girlfriend,” her mom explains.

“How do you know that?”

“Your smile,” she says. “It’s your ‘Cady smile’.”

“I don’t…” Her voice trails off and her mom simply shrugs. Well look at that. She’s that girlfriend now.

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” Wiley says, striding towards her. Under the table, Janis crosses her fingers that this is a normal good morning visit. She’ll take bad news on any day that’s not Damian-and-Cady day. “So, Janis, a lot of us on your team have been talking and we’ve decided to ask if you might want to get a port inserted.”

“A what?” she asks.

“Think of it like a little reservoir put underneath your skin,” he explains. “Just to make receiving the chemo easier on you. A lot of patients have one put in.”

“Oh, wow.” Way to bring the mood down, Doc, she thinks. Sometimes she envies the younger patients who have their parents making all the hard decisions. Still, one word sticks out in all that. “It makes it easier?”

“Quite a bit easier,” he agrees. “For one thing, it’s a lot more comfortable than an IV.” There’s a plus. “And a lower risk of your medicine leaking out-”

“Sounds cool,” she interrupts quickly before he can bring up an image she doesn’t want. “Um, can I think about it? I mean, is it urgent?”

“No, of course not,” Wiley replies with a stiff smile. “I’ll let you and your mom discuss it.”

He leaves them after an uncomfortable silence, nodding to her and her mom and reminding her that he’s around if she has any questions.

“So what do you think?” her mom asks.

“I don’t think.” She picks her phone back up and jumps off the bed. “Where did you put my clothes?”

“I put everything in your bag, it’s under the bed,” she replies. Janis pulls out her bag, sorting through the mass of denim, cotton, plaid and leather, all while her mom hovers behind her with anxious eyes that drill into her back. "Janis, you should consider this.”

“And I will,” she sighs. She pulls out a shirt she’s always liked and throws it on the bed. “Just not right now.” She shakes her head, trying to clear some of the smoke in her brain. Still sitting on the ground, she looks up at her mom and sighs. “Mom, I just want to not think about cancer stuff right now. I just want to see my friends and think about that.” She toys with the shirt in her hands and bunches it into a tight ball, her arms tense and shaking and her grip tight. “Is that okay?”

Her voice sounds impossibly broken on that question. And while it wasn’t intentional, it works on her mom, who nods and comes over to pat her hair.

“Okay, sweetie,” she says, and that’s the temporary end of it.

The day passes even slower than it normally does in hospital-time. Hours stretch on and on with no end in sight and she can’t distract herself no matter what she tries to do. She can’t focus long enough to read or settle on one TV show and even games in the longue can only get her so far. She tries checking her social media when on her IV, but she’s hardly there a minute before her anxiety peaks again after seeing pictures of her friends. Besides, it’s mostly dry now, everyone else is in class.

Finally, finally, it comes to the afternoon and it’s close enough that she can justify beginning to get ready. She stretches, grateful for the little power nap she took earlier, and fishes her make-up out of her bag. It’s not everything, but it’ll have to work, as will the tiny mirror in her bathroom.

“What’s going on in here?” The voice makes Janis jump six feet, even though it’s the honey-toned voice of one of the older nurses. “Little makeover.”

“Just wanted to look nice today,” she explains as she unscrews the foundation. She’s a little bit surprised to see that she’s not out of practice since she’s been bare-faced for well over a week now. Bigger priorities and all that.

“Her girlfriend’s coming over today,” her mom says in a low voice.

“It’s not just that,” she says, even though it might be. “Damian will also be here.”

“Oh you kids and your relationships,” the nurse chuckles as she takes the empty bags out. In the mirror, Janis sees her point sternly in her direction as though she were her mother. “Just remember Janis, if she really cares about you, she won’t care how much muck you have on your face.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says as she applies a coat of eyeshadow, deep indigo and sparkling under the low lights. She adds a generous amount of purple lipstick next, a shade that’s always been a favourite of hers, and four coats of mascara. Some say that’s overkill, she disagrees. Bigger, bolder, better after all.

She takes a second before looking at herself properly, and when she does it makes her happier than it has any right to be. She looks like herself again. Not a girl with cancer. A girl who is perfectly healthy and happy, the dark circles around her eyes and the pale tint to her face deliberate. Not only that, she feels stronger, even though she hadn’t been aware of any weakness before. She can breathe easier now. She’s herself again. A little winded but it was worth it.

When she’s done, Cady and Damian should get out of school in about ten minutes. They worked it all out; they’ll get the first bus from school up to the hospital, which should take about twenty-five minutes. She offered to pay their bus tickets and her mom had offered to pick them up, but neither one of them would hear any of it. Damian in particular would die before accepting money from anyone.

So she has just over half an hour. Maybe closer to forty minutes when factoring in waiting for the bus and various stops…

She probably should have left the make-up to later just to give herself something to do.

No, it’s fine. The last thing she wants is them walking in on her doing her make-up. Besides, there’s plenty to do for half an hour. She’s waited this long after all. She checks her outfit again, first in the bathroom mirror, by bouncing repeatedly, and then by using the camera on her phone. This morning she was sure about this outfit. Now she’s not sure about this skirt. Maybe if her mom had woken her up earlier she’d have had more time to plan it. The shirt is fine, it’s something Cady loves, so she won’t trade it, but the skirt… it’s not working. She grabs more stuff from her bag and lays it out on the bed, debating each one carefully. There’s a pair of studded shorts that she doesn’t think looks right with the shirt, a pair of jeans that would be far too uncomfortable, and a dark grey skirt that she’s not worn that much and is a little short-

“Holy crap,” she sighs. She shakes her head at herself. She hasn’t obsessed this much over her looks since middle school. “You’re insane, Sarkisian. You’re fine.”

They’ve both seen her look worse, surely.

She forces herself to sit on the bed and just watch some freaking YouTube like a normal person. She gets a text from Damian telling her they’re on their way, and she takes a deep breath and sends a response. She then has one eye on the phone and one eye on the window, all the while counting the minutes until they should be here.

Twenty five minutes. One video later, it’s twenty one. Another video, eighteen. Another video, plus a sip of the coffee her mom got her, fourteen. Another video, plus re-checking her make-up, ten. Another video, six. Another video, three.

And now they should be here. They probably are; they’re probably walking through the lobby. Maybe the elevator’s a little slow, maybe they got lost. This is a big place and they don’t even know where they ward is. Do they? Did she tell them? She grabs her phone and checks their groupchat, scrolling through the week-

“Janis?” Her name is accompanied by a soft knock on the door, and when she looks up, Cady is standing in the doorway, looking even more beautiful than she did that morning with a breathless smile and dimples in her cheeks. And everything else she was feeling melts away.

Janis doesn’t care about dignity, she runs over and throws her arms around her. As Cady hugs her back just as fiercely, Janis fights the urge to pick her up off the floor.

“I missed you,” Cady whispers into her shoulder.

“I missed you more,” she replies, certain that she’s correct.

“Well I’ll just go then,” Damian jokes. “If you two need a moment alone.”

“Don’t even think about it,” she tells him seriously, jumping into his embrace. He runs his hand through her hair and even rocks her and everything about his embrace feels right.

“Got you these,” he says when they eventually pull apart. He presents her with a bunch of white flowers wrapped in silver paper. The scent is just like the gesture; so sweet it makes her well up.

“Oh you losers,” she says. “I love them.”

“Hi kids,” her mom greets from her chair in the corner. To be honest, Janis had actually forgotten her mom was there. So her mom has watched her run across the room and tackle-hug Cady. Nice. “How was school?”

“It’s fine,” Cady replies. “You know… senior year….”

“Oh I’m sure it is,” she says fondly. “I’ll give you kids some alone time.” She gives Janis’ shoulder a squeeze before heading out, and then Janis can hold Cady’s hand as tightly as she wants and pulls the two of them to the bed, utterly giddy at having them at her side again.

Even if it won’t last a voice in her head whispers.

“So come on, what have I missed?” she asks. “Other than you two, I mean. Tell me everything. Spill all the tea. I crave gossip!”

“It’s been a week, Jan,” Cady tells her, grinning and swinging her legs as her feet don’t touch the floor. “But, you do know that you’re talking to the newest captain of the North Shore Mathletes.”

“Come on then.” Janis digs her elbow in her girlfriend’s ribs. “Tell me everything.”

That’s all the incentive Cady needs.

She babbles on about her plans for the new year as Captain, how she’s already getting new recruits and she’s even allowed to invite freshmen and create Junior Mathletes, how she’s sure that membership is going to be double what it was last year (at which point Damian reminds her that there were only three people on the team last year), and about how they’re already starting to put together teams for a few contests, more than last year, and of course, how she’s ready to defend their state champion title. With each word, Janis’ heart grows warmer, the sense of security she’s craved all week settling and wrapping around her like her favourite blanket, and their hands lie intertwined on the bed a though they’d never been apart.

“So that’s my life…” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. She shakes her head and covers Janis’ hand with hers. “But what about you, what’s it like in here?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she scoffs. “I’m always fine.” Cady’s smile dips, not enough, but Janis notice and let out a sigh. “I mean it’s not the ideal situation. But I’m… coping?”

“I do not like that inflection,” Damian adds, leaning back on the bed and raising an eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t,” she says. “Like, it’s not too bad. You know… the food is actually pretty good, we have some cool stuff in the longue, they know how to keep us occupied. The doctors are all great. Including one hot med student I’m considering setting Damian up with.”

“Consider my attention grabbed,” he says. “How hot are we talking here?”

“Like… Okay I’m not into dudes, so I’m not that great at guessing, but he’s a solid 7.5,” she explains. “Would be a 9 but he stabbed me several times while trying to find a vein.”

“He did what?” Cady squeals, making the two of them jump. Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. “He stabbed you?”

“Woah, yeah.” She grasps Cady’s shoulder and silently bites her tongue. She rubs it in circles, bringing her back down. “And it hurt for a few seconds and I was slightly annoyed by it. And then we laughed about it.” She strokes Cady’s cheek carefully. “Nothing bad, Caddy.”

“Okay.” Cady lets out a breath and shakes out her hands. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, love.” She plays a kiss on her cheekbone, the tension fleeing Cady’s body as she does so. She tangles her fingers in her hair. She even missed her hair. “It’s cute that you worry so much.”

“I always worry about you.” At that moment, Damian turns his attention to the window, and Cady rests her head on Janis’ shoulder and Janis wraps her arms around her. This, the fearful looks and causing anxiety to her, this is what Janis wanted to avoid in the first place.

Damn Cady Heron and her unflinching loyalty.

“You’re feeling okay though?” she asks quietly. “Right?”

“Okay’s a bit of a relative term these days,” she says. “I’m feeling a bit bleh. But it’s fine.” Cady murmurs something she guesses is an agreement and nestles closer to her. Janis rubs her hand up and down her arm. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” She presses her cheek into her head and closes her eyes, only for a moment.

“Anyway, enough of that stuff,” she says, bouncing and turning to Damian, beckoning him back over. “There’s got to be more that I’ve missed. Come on, spill.”

“Well…” Damian begins, spinning around to face them with a grin stretched across his face. He’s been waiting to tell her this, she can tell. “They’ve announced that the musical this year will be… drum roll.”

She can Cady drum their hands on their legs, the sound bouncing off the walls and making the room tremble with anticipation as it gets higher and faster until-.

“Cabaret!”

“No way!” she gasps. Damian nods excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet and clapping his hands together. “Stars have aligned, mon amie. Stars have aligned.”

“Which means,” he goes on, throwing himself down on the bed with such gusto that it bounces. “I am going to be the greatest Emcee that North Shore High would ever wish to have.”

“Damn right!” The two high five, their glee double that of the slightly out of the loop Cady. “Emcee has been one of Damian’s dream roles ever since middle school.”

“Ever since I came out of the damn womb!” he exclaims. “I cannot tell you how much I screamed when the drama club announced it.”

“I can,” Cady adds. “It was loud and long and he got several death glares from everyone else.”

“That’s the only appropriate way to react,” Janis chuckles. “We watched the movie way back when and that’s when he decided he was going to play the Emcee or die trying.”

“It’s also when Janis became gay for Liza Minelli.”

“I’m gay for myself,” she corrects. “Liza was just the object of young Janis’ affections.” She rests her chin on Cady’s shoulder and smiles at him. “I’m helping you prep for this. I don’t care if I have to break out of here with an IV in my arm, I’m helping you.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” he replies. “Also the drama club is devastated you can’t do the set this year.”

“Who the heck says I can’t?” she says indignantly. “Those morons they have won’t last five minutes without my guidance. And I will not have your shining moment ruined by a subpar set.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “We all know who really runs that drama club.”

“Oh really, madame,” Damian scoffs, turning so his leg is folded beneath him. Janis keeps smiling, despite the feeling that its being tugged down and the weight settling in her stomach. Of all the times he had to do Cabaret, why did it have to be now?

“Everyone really missed you at school,” Cady tells her.

“Bet it’s not everyone,” she says, half joking. “Not one person in particular.”

“Hey!” Cady slaps her arm. “Be nice.”

“I promised to play nice to her face,” Janis reminds her. “Not behind her back.” Cady huffs out a laugh, her face slightly scrunched up. “But how’s the most important thing; LGBT+ society?”

“Well, we’re having our first welcome back meeting on Wednesday,” Damian says. “And Gretchen is taking over your stall at the fair. Sonja’s going to help her out though,” he adds. “And Sonja’s taking over your spot on the committee too.”

“Good choice,” she says. Lovely as Gretchen is most of the time, Janis isn’t sure she could handle the pressure of running her stall. And Sonja’s the perfect choice to take over her committee spot, smart as a whip, decisive and funny as hell.

So why does the idea make Janis so uneasy?

“Yeah, why don’t we turn this TV on?” she says, grabbing the remote. “It apparently has Netflix, although I’m not entirely sure how to operate it. There’s a load of DVDs in the longue as well.”

“A DVD. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while,” Damian says.

“I don’t think they have Cabaret though,” she sighs. “Which would be perfect for us right now.” She’s telling half-truths, because there’s a substantial collection of old movies, including musicals, but she doesn’t really want to brave the longue now, or to take them in there. The longue is probably her favourite place in the hospital, but it’s bound to be full right now. And for now, she wants to keep her cancer world and the real world separate.

So with some fussing, they manage to find Netflix and learn how to work it. Cady is insistent that Janis pick the movie, since it’s her room and she doesn’t know half of them and has already watched the other half. At the start of the summer, Janis had made Cady a list of every movie she needed to watch, and by the end of August they’d almost made it to the halfway mark. The best part wasn’t the movies themselves; it was the movie nights. Huddled under a comforter and surrounded by pillows, Cady’s body pressed against hers and the lights down low, buttery popcorn and sugar-covered candies keeping them going until one (usually Cady) fell asleep.

Now they make do with the thin hospital bed and the near-plastic sheets. At least they can adjust the height of it, and Janis positions Cady against her and Damian sits in the comfiest chair to watch The Parent Trap. It’s none of their favourites, but it’s familiar and good enough and while it wasn’t on the list, Cady hasn’t seen it yet. Besides, Damian can make any more fun.

And really, Janis can’t take any more of the back and forth debate.

The more the movie goes on, the more normal Janis feels. She runs her fingers up and down Cady’s bare arms, her girlfriend’s jacket discarded across a chair like she would in her house. The conversation is light and easy and full of giggles even at the stupidest, silliest thing, Damian quoting along with the movie and Cady hopelessly lost, especially at around halfway through when Janis decides to tell her that Annie and Hallie were played by the same person.

“No way!” she declares. “I’m not believing you until I see proof.”

“Google it,” she says. “Damian?”

“Way ahead of you.” He pulls up the page and shows her the cast list, with one little Lohan billed as the two twins. Cady’s mouth falls on the floor, her shoulders shaking in a silent, disbelieving laugh.

“Jesus Christ!” she says. “How did they do that all the way back then?”

“Movie magic,” Janis replies, wiggling her fingers for effect. “It’s okay, Caddy, we all felt betrayed when we first found out.”

“Didn’t she go off her rocker a bit?” she asks, pointing to the screen. “I know that much. Regina told me.”

“A little,” Janis agrees. “But I kind of feel bad for her, you know?”

“I guess.”

“Oh. Oh!” The camera pans up, revealing the striking and scary figure of Meredith Blake, and Janis squeezes Cady’s arms. “I hated this bitch.”

“I hated her more,” Damian adds, his tone not 100% light. “When I first watched this I had this soon-to-be stepmom, because my dad was back in the dating game, and she was…” He gags and points down his throat.

“Real mature, Damian,” Janis jokes. “I mean she absolutely was, but still. Mature.”

“Okay, missy,” he laughs. “Nah but I used to try to get inspiration from how to deal with her from this movie.”

“Shh!” she hisses sharply, covering Cady’s ears. “Spoilers!”

“I can still hear you,” Cady tells her. “And I could sort of guess. All the movies about step parents do that kind of thing, don’t they? Bratty kid gets wreaks havoc on the step parent?”

“Are you saying thirteen year old me was a brat?” Damian asks.

“Seventeen year old you is also a brat,” Janis teases. Damian gasps and grabs the cushion from the chair, aiming it at her head. Part of her is completely sure he wouldn’t, not in a hospital, part of her is completely sure he would because of course he would.

She doesn’t find out either way, because their gathering is interrupted by her medical team, and the weight in her stomach comes back with a vengeance.

“Not getting in the way are we?” Nurse Lucy asks.

“Not at all,” she says. Before she stops herself, she’s already pushing Cady off her. Heat rises in her cheeks. “That time again?”

“Unfortunately so,” she replies as Cady slides off the bed. “Is it okay if Jackson does it this time?”

“Yeah, sure.” As she rolls up her sleeve, her friends catch on to what’s happening, and Damian rushes to Cady’s side.

“I promise I’ll find the vein this time,” Jackson jokes.

“Oh this is the one you said-” Cady is cut off by Janis making a small ‘cut it out’ gesture with her hand. She then raises an eyebrow at Damian, whose small smirk tells her everything she needs to know.

She takes a look at her IV and her bare arm before turning back to them. She still hates this; shockingly, she hasn’t gotten used to it in under a week. Her stomach still drops a hundred feet when she looks at the needle and her chest tightens even if she’s only thinking about it.

“You guys don’t need to watch this,” she tells them. “It doesn’t hurt. But if you need to look away, it’s fine.”

“I’m fine,” Cady tells her. When Janis looks down though, she sees how tightly she’s holding Damian’s hand.

“Okay,” she says.

This time around it only takes Jackson three tries to find her vein before securing it with the bandage. Good for him. He’s learning.

“You know the drill by now?” Lucy asks.

“Two hours, stay hydrated.” She gives her a two-fingered salute.

“Two hours?” Cady echoes, and Janis has to chuckle at it. “This takes two hours?”

“That’s what she said the first time she found out,” Lucy says, gesturing to Janis. “I can see why you two like each other so much.”

“No but… two hours,” she says again as they leave. “What do you do for two hours?”

“I just… sit here I guess,” she answers, looking up at the medicine. “You know, there’s TV. I have books. I draw. Sometimes it knocks me out and I get a little surprise nap, so that’s fun.”

“Is that… should we go?” Cady asks. “If you’re going to-”

“Oh no.” She shakes her head firmly. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Completely.” She’s such a liar it’s a wonder her tongue hasn’t turned black and crumbled. “Come on. Let’s finish the movie at least.”

Cady lays beside her rather than on her, and Damian stays on the other side of the bed, away from her IV. She catches him once or twice, watching the drip instead of the movie. His gaze is unreadable, and since she’s always been able to know his thoughts without him speaking, it unsettles her.

It’s not long before that familiar tiredness descends on her, clouding her mind and pulling her downwards. And she fights it; she keeps her eyes open despite how they itch and shifts her body when she finds herself too comfortable lest she start drifting off. It’s a challenge, not just because of the medicine’s effect on her, but because of Cady’s warmth next to her, promising security and comfort and being there when she wakes up.

And she must have given into it at one point, because she opens her eyes after a blink and the movie is over; Nick and Elizabeth are together again, Annie and Hallie stay with each other forever, happy endings all around.

“What time is it?” Janis asks.

“Nearly five,” Damian explains. Visiting hours don’t end for another two hours. “Are you okay?”

“Me?” she asks. “I’m fantastic.”

“You sure?” Cady’s hand is on hers, slowly linking their fingers together. Janis squeezes her hand, clarity coming into her mind by her own will.

“Of course I’m sure.”

They don’t have to be home for another hour. Home for dinner, that’s the rule. That doesn’t really change. Damian tells her that his mom is thinking about her every day and was beside herself when she heard the news.

“She’s started following more baking blogs,” he tells her. “So prep yourself for a lot of baked goods on your doorstep.”

“I can’t object to that,” she says. “Especially since Val always bakes with love.”

At some point during the hour, Janis pulls Cady into her lap again, or Cady crawls into it, or both. Her head is under her chin and her back against her chest, slotting into place perfectly. Like if she holds her this close, she won’t have to leave.

Wishful thinking, she knows, because when it gets close to six, Cady picks up her jacket and her backpack and there’s nothing but empty air against Janis’ body.

She wishes she could lead them to the door, but her IV catches on everything, so they say their goodbyes where they are.

“Don’t miss me too much,” she warns them teasingly.

“I hardly ever think about you,” Damian replies, his voice thick.

“And you,” she tells him. “Better run lines with me. When’s auditions?”

“Next Thursday,” he tells her. “So I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Perfect,” she says. “I have treatments at 11, at 2… You know what? I’ll text you them.”

“Okay. And you were right by the way. That med student is a snack.” They laugh, and then there’s a moment of silence before he folds her in his arms, her face burying itself in the crook of his neck and his hand cupping the back of her head. “Take of yourself, okay?” His voice is so soft, so desperate, that it sounds like a plea.

“I will,” she says. “I always do.” Knowledgeable as always, he gives her and Cady space to say goodbye themselves. She rubs her hand on her shorts, nervousness gripping her body in a way she hasn’t felt in a while and she thoroughly dislikes.

“I’ll text you the second I get home,” Cady says. “And can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course you can,” she says. “As long as you get some homework done tonight, kid.”

“I will,” she says. “I didn’t get the top grade in Norbury’s class for nothing.” Cady takes in a deep breath, her hand fidgeting around her backpack strap and her hair half-hiding her face. Janis reaches out and pushes it back and if she notices her shaking hand, she doesn’t say anything.

“Caddy-”

Janis actually wasn’t sure what she was going to say there, but it doesn’t matter, because Cady steps up and kisses her. It’s not perfect; it feels clumsy and awkward and they bump against each other, but it’s everything Janis needs. So much so that when they pull away, she doesn’t even attempt to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Okay,” she whispers, grinning. “I’ll see you soon.” She steals another peck.

“See you later, Janis,” she whispers. They don’t stop holding hands for as long as they can and Janis is still looking at her until she’s out of view, walking back down the hall with Damian, maybe getting lost again. Down the hall, to the right, into the elevator and out the double doors. Bus stop down the street, next stop home. They ride together until Damian gets off and Cady stays on. All the while she stays here, IV in arm and her phone buzzing, talking to them until she falls asleep.

[cozyteez]

prince!yunho, IV.

"breakfast in 5 minutes your highness”

yunho groaned in response as he rolled over in bed. another day, another full schedule

he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up before stumbling for a moment and plopping right back down onto the bed

standing up slower this time, he trudged his way into his washroom with the thoughts of everything he had to do today weighing down his ankles

he quickly got presentable and went to the breakfast area where his parents were waiting for him, just like every morning

at breakfast he was given his daily schedule. today was pretty standard, meetings with his parents, the royal advisory board, and the other departments until lunch (today was botany then outreach), then he goes to the medical wing for training until dinner with his family, assuming he gets all his work done for that day. if not he works through dinner and eats it later by himself

he only almost fell asleep once this morning and it was during the meeting with botany. to his defense, the topic of the meeting was about which flower was to be planted at the front gates this spring, and it somehow lasted two hours

for lunch today he decided to meet with some friends in his training class at the dining hall

they were in the middle of sharing their most gruesome stories from their respective rotations from the past week when auve walked by yunho’s table and gave him a wave and a sweet look

"good afternoon, prince yunho"

yunho wasn't expecting to see auve as he'd never seen her in the dining hall at this time before, and the look on his face definitely broadcasted that thought to everybody around him

nonetheless, he responded "hello" with his mouth full of food, to which he quickly covered with his napkin when he realized what he did

she walked off and sat down with a group of girls at the table right behind yunho's, sitting in such a way that if he looked past his friend's shoulder just right he'd be looking directly at her

"damn, she looks really good"

another friend hit his chest as yunho snapped out of his trance

"ow! dude!"

"she's out or your league man, there's no point in drooling over her. besides, she seems pretty into prince charming over here"

yunho flushes red before pretending he didn't just hear that. he began to nervously shovel food into his mouth and keep his head low, desperately wanting to avoid the topic

"hey fancy pants, are you gonna ask her out? because if you don't i definitely will"

his friend receives another firm hit to the chest and yunho begins to ungracefully cough down his food

"i don’t know, should i?"

"yeah man! she’s looked over here like twice already and it’s been what, like 60 seconds since she sat down? besides, not only are you gonna be a doctor soon, you're also the fucking prince. she'd be insane to turn you down"

"are you sure you don't have a crush on him dude?"

"do you have a death wish?"

yunho was quick to tune out his friend's mild bickering as he began to think about auve

'i mean, she is quite beautiful, especially her smile. it’s so warm and inviting. i wonder what she specializes in? off topic, focus up yunho. let's see; pros: auve is beautiful, she's - wait. am i objectifying her by counting that as a 'pro'? what if - '

"dude. hey! twinkle toes!"

with a slight shake of his head yunho pulled himself out of his thoughts and back to his friends

"just ask her out man"

and as if on cue, auve and yunho looked right at each other, both causing the other to blush and become shy

“yeah... maybe i will....”

eventually it was time for yunho and his friends to head up to the medical wing for training. right before they walked through the doors though, auve walked by with a wave of people coming back to work from their lunch break

he paused and called out to her just before one of his friends pushed him towards her direction

“hi auve”

“your highness”

a deep blush was already making its way across his face and ears as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck

“you look really pretty today”

“oh, thank you”

auve blushed as well, looking down as she tucked some hair behind her ear

‘well, not that you don’t look pretty every day. oh my - not that it matters either..?”

yunho’s friends rolled their eyes and shook their heads as they watched him start to crash and burn 

“because i’m sure there’s more depth to you than your beauty, and if you think about it, physical beauty never matters because in the end, you know, people are attracted to what’s on the inside so, I mean - i know you’re more than a pretty face so I was just thinking that maybe-”

one of his friends spoke up, no longer able to tolerate the amount of second hand embarrassment this whole situation was causing him

“oh my god - DUDE! JUST ASK HER OUT WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

yunho covered his face before sheepishly looking at auve, who was trying not to giggle

“you know, i was planning on going to the east gardens for some wine after work if you wanted to join me? i wouldn’t mind the company, especially yours....”

the way she was looking at yunho caused butterflies to flutter in his stomach and a tingly feeling to spread across his chest

“that ... sounds really nice. maybe around 6:30?”

auve smiled and nodded

“perfect. see you then, yunho”

“yeah...”

she began to walk away, but before she got too far he called out to her

“wait! i’ve been dying to know, what’s your specialty?”

auve turned and continued to walk backwards as she answered him

“internal affairs, and you?”

he gestured back towards the glass doors of the medical wing

“medicine. see you tonight!”

and she smiled that sweet smile of hers before turning around to walk to work, leaving yunho awestruck as he watched her go

eventually he was pulled into the medical wing by his friends and they quickly went to the lockerooms to change into some scrubs and get to work

yunho spent his whole day with the usual smile on his lips a little bit wider than normal and his head just a little bit fuzzy, information and procedures slightly blurred by thoughts of auve and her warm smile and soft voice. he had it so bad for her that he almost felt tipsy

but just as he was heading off to go get ready for his date, two doctors burst through the doors with a man on a wheelchair who was keeled forward and holding an oxygen mask to his face

"woah. need any help?"

yunho was already following them. he knows its a bit morbid, but this month he was working in emergency medicine and he had yet to see anything really interesting

"sure kid, c'mon"

they get to the ER as quickly as possible and wheel him to the closest empty bed. yunho's heart was racing, ready to help out with anything he could

"okay guys listen up: we have a male, 58, collapsed after an intense coughing fit and has been in and out of consciousness ever since. his heart rate was alright at the scene but his oxygen levels are very low. i'm gonna need all hands on deck to figure out what the hell happened here"

the lead doctor began giving orders to the nurses before turning to yunho and the other doctor

"you two: get him on the bed and lay him back"

they nodded in unison as the doctor went to one side of the patient and yunho the other. on the doctor's count they lifted him out of the wheelchair and onto the bed, and that's when yunho's heart almost jumped out of his chest

he immediately wished he could take back all of his silent complaints for not seeing any interesting cases come through the ER, because as soon as he had set the patient down and laid his head back, he made eye contact with a vary familiar set of eyes before they fluttered closed as he became unconscious again

"i-i... i have to go. i have to leave, i'm sorry"

the lead doctor just rolled his eyes before he continued barking orders to the hospital staff about which vitals to read, medicines to push, and tests to run

meanwhile yunho ran down the hall, out of the doors, and straight to xenia's office, slowing down as he approached the door

"come in!"

he pushed through the door, but stood frozen as he realized he didn't know what to say, or rather how to say it

"yunho? well this is a surprise, you never come to visit me at work! not that i’m upset, just -"

"nia..."

"hey, why are you still in your scrubs?" she put her pen down and stood up from her desk "is everything alright?"

yunho cleared his throat and looked at the floor, still trying to find his words

"xenia can you follow me, please?"

he figured that would buy him some time, but she refused

"no. not until you tell me what's going on"

xenia stepped out from behind her desk to walk towards yunho, who looked up at her with a look she couldn't exactly describe, but had a bad feeling about. a really, really bad feeling

"can you just come with me? please"

"yunho, you're scaring me... just tell me what's going on and i'll go"

he sighed and looked at the floor one more time before looking back at her

"it's your father, nia. he collapsed today after a bad coughing fit in the kitchen. i just helped some doctors bring him into the ER"

"what? is he alright?"

yunho opened his mouth but decided not to answer, his silence speaking volumes to xenia

"i think you should go see him. somebody already went to get your mother, she should be there by now"

her face was emotionless and her eyes were glazed over as she walked out of her office towards the medical wing, swiftly and quietly with yunho right behind her

once inside the emergency care center, yunho placed his hand on her back and led her to her father's room. as soon as she opened the door her heart sunk. he looked awful

he was extremely pale, he was attached to at least 5 wires, and he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks

"oh, father...."

she rushed to his side, the side her mother wasn't already at, and immediately took his hand as she knelt down

"don't cry baby girl, i'll be alright. promise" he wiped a tear that had begun to roll down her cheek with his thumb "now, be honest. does this gown wash me out?"

everyone in the room laughed, even xenia. but the happiness was short lived as he began to cough and struggle to breathe

he forced a weak smile when it was over, squeezing the hands of his wife and daughter in reassurance. xenia placed her other hand over her father's and took a good look at him. his bright smile had been dimmed, and she could tell he was in a lot of pain

she looked up for yunho but he had snuck out of the room, probably just to let them spend some time together as a family, she thought. looking back at her father, she made a mental note to ask yunho about how long it'll take for him to get better later. for now, she was beginning to realize how much time she'd been spending on work lately and how little time she'd been spending with her family

she made another mental note to change that, starting today. she was going to hold her father's hand through this, no matter how many projects she had to delay or give up in order to do it. she was going to see to it herself that he got better, no matter how long or how much it took

meanwhile yunho was frantically changing out of his scrubs in the locker room, as he was running late for his date with auve. he forgot to take his sneakers off before he started to take off his scrub pants and fell onto his ass

after taking a deep breath and removing his sneakers, he stood up and quickly put the rest of his clothes on. for once he was grateful that he had to wear nice clothes this morning so he could go straight to the east gardens and not be too late

he fixed his hair a little bit in the mirror before he made his way over to where auve was waiting for him

-

once yunho arrived he was able to spot auve immediately. she at alone at one of the standing-area bar tops with a glass of wine already in her hands, peacefully looking out over the entirety of the gardens

"they're beautiful, right?"

"oh my! you scared me"

despite being startled, she was still smiling that never-ending smile of hers that yunho could look at all day

"looks like i should catch up, hm?"

she looked down at her half empty glass that yunho was gesturing towards and back at him

"looks like it"

"be right back"

auve watched as yunho walked over to the bar, he was so happy and bubbly and oh - he almost tripped over that woman's chair. maybe he was a bit clumsy too, she thought

he made his way back and began to ask her about her day. from there the conversation flowed naturally between sips and refills of wine. it was mostly light-hearted, when she had asked about his day he decided to leave out the part about xenia's father as to not kill the mood. besides, it wasn't really something he was willing to process at the moment

yunho felt more relaxed than he's felt in a while. it was nice to laugh with and get to know someone new. for a while he had felt stuck in a demanding and rigorous routine with the same work and the same people, so change was good. it was nice, he thought

after maybe their third glass of wine yunho made a joke that auve found particularly funny and had them both laughing until their stomachs hurt, leaning on the bar top for support

as their laughter died down, there was almost no other noise around them and they realized that it had gotten pretty late as they were some of the last people there

auve drank the last sip of her wine, sighed, and smiled at yunho, who was smiling right back at her with the same butterflies in his stomach fuzzy feeling in his head from before, although this time maybe it was all the wine that had him tipsy

either way, something gave him a wave of confidence as he set his empty glass down and leaned in closer to her

"you know, every spring the castle puts on this big ball..."

"ooh, really?"

"yeah, we decorate the grand ballroom with flowers and everybody dresses really pretty and there's dancing and food and games for the kids except sometimes i play too because - well, anyways..."

auve was giggling at yunho's rambling and he swore it was the cutest sound he'd ever heard

"if you'd like, i'd love it of you came with me. as, you know, my date. if you want to but you don't have to"

she stopped giggling, but her smile never faded. placing her hand on his arm, she answered him

"oh, i definitely want to. when is it again?"

yunho tried to act like he was unbothered by her touch but he doubts he got away with it based on how hot his cheeks felt

"it's in about two weeks"

she hummed and nodded, allowing a silence to fall between them that had a bit of tension to it

they both knew they should probably leave, but neither of them were doing anything, just staring at each other not wanting the night to end. especially yunho, who was realizing he was about to fall right back into the same lonely routine. at least now he had the ball to look forward to

finally, he broke the silence

"if you want, i can walk you back to your room?"

"sure"

she smiled as yunho took their glasses back to the bar and thanked the bar tender. they walked pretty much in silence the whole way there, both too shy to make any sort of move

"well, we're here"

they stopped walking and yunho turned to face auve

"i had a really great time tonight"

"me too"

yunho paused, trying to buy himself some more time to work up the courage to do what he's wanted to do all night

"i'm sorry for earlier, sometimes i get nervous and i ramble and i didn't mean to call you pretty and then not pretty, because you are pretty. like, really pretty. so i-"

"it's alright, yunho. it was actually kind of cute"

"really?"

"of course. i think you also blush when you get nervous, kind of like you are right now"

his hands flew to his cheeks in a vain attempt to cover what she'd already noticed and just made worse, causing both of them to giggle

"well, anyways ... can i ask you one more thing?"

"sure"

"can i kiss you?"

"please do"

and in what seemed like only a second, he took a step forward, pulled her by the waist close to him, tilted her chin up with his other hand, and had his lips on hers

auve was shocked at his sudden smoothness. he hadn't really given her any indication in the time she's known him that he would've kissed her the way he was kissing her now, but she didn't mind

actually, she really didn't mind. not one bit. in fact, she was starting to think she'd let him take her breath away over and over again and she still wouldn't mind because he wasn't just good, he was absolutely intoxicating

but then again, maybe it was all the wine

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[ecessive-dreamer]

Title.

​He sees her passing, bags of chanel in each hand, yet her head is still wrapped in a book as she walks, glancing up to the street every two minutes. He froze when he thought she saw him, walking straight toward him. Her head was still in the books, “Oh my, I’m so sorry” Luna says as she bumps with him head to head,her book landing flat on the ground.

Luna mutters,“Donovan?”

he takes a deep breath, she looks so beautiful, her skin as pale as winter snow, almond green eyes,and black luscious hair. Recounting every moment spent with her, tracing the outline of her lips, memorizing her face, and yet here she is standing in front of me and i'm still in awe of her.

“what are you doing here?” i ask her as nonchalant as possible while i pick up the bags that landed on the floor.

“Oh you know how i am on weekend sales..wow i haven't seen you in ages” she says as she eyes him, looking at his slightly crooked nose, ocean blue eyes and disheveled dirty blonde hair. Same old Donovan she thought.

“Well yeah of course how could i forget” I say as she turns away, blushing. Recounting just like him all the days they would walk hand in hand, at each and every single store and just like that the sharp pain returns, and the haunting memories come back. He destroyed her. It's been five years, but five years isn't enough. She manages to grab all her bags, as he hands her the book.

“Ah, you still read british literature huh? I guess some things don't change” I say. Her smile fades as fast as it appeared. I look at her with such intensity in my eyes

“My reason for life. Not living, but life. That was the touch. And she was his reason for life, and why he must survive” her breath catches

“ I’m sorry i have to go.”

“Luna, wait. It's from your book, atonement!” I yell as she crosses the street, away from him. He takes out the pack of cigarette that's been itching to be smoked all day. She brings that out of him, after all this time, seeing her face, smelling her scent, hearing her voice. He needed her again, and he was going to have her.

*Beep beep beep* i roll over my bed, it's 5:00a.m. i sit up “shit” as my feet hit the cold wooden floor. I forgot to turn on the heater last night. I put on my socks and roll on my hoodie as I walk to the thermostat and turn it from 50 to 70 in my small studio apartment. I walk to the kitchen and start my routine. I turn on my coffee while simultaneously brush my teeth. I hop in the shower as my coffee is getting ready. As soon as I stepped out of the shower I wipe away the fog on the mirror and look at myself. Ive lived here for years and still haven’t made any progress. Still the same apartment same job same remorse. Hell even the same coffee, as I realize the coffee is still on and rush to my kitchen. Pour a cup, black. I put my work clothes on and head out the door with my coffee.

​It gets me everytime, everytime I walk out of the front door of my building that im actually living in new York city. I cant imagine anywhere else I want to be. Way better than my town back home. Yeah sure I miss my family and what not but being on my own is what ive always wanted. I walk my 6 blocks to work thinking about yesterday; I actually saw her. Its been months of almost nothing. The only time ive seen her was in pictures and memories that would be occasionally sparked by an object that reminded me of her.

​I walked into the building of my job. I do journalism for a small time newspaper company. Same job for 7 months and still no raise. Its nothing to complain about I make enough for me to live comfortable but yet I still feel like my time is more valuable.

As I make it to the 4th floor, my floor my boss is always the first to greet me as his office is right by the elevator door. “morning don” he says, “morning murphy, hows it going this morning” I return. He replies with a big sigh, “ sales haven’t been so well so its causing us to do alittle remodling of who we have here.” “oh?’ I replied with a nervous voice hoping I wasn’t being given the talk about being let go. He laughs “don you have nothing to worry about, though im glad I keep you on your toes this early in the morning.” “I need you to show around the new intern, shes a possibility at a new columnist here and I want you to take close attention to her to see if she is going to be an asset to this company”, he asks. I reply with a uncertain tone,” I don’t know murphy I have this article ive been working on and I don’t know if I can afford the extra baggage.” He replied to me with a stern face,” it wasn’t a question” and as soon as I noticed his face I quickly replied with a smile on my face “no problem boss.” He looks back with a artificial smile on his face,” great shes in your office. Her name is tiffiany. You know like the diamond.”

I walk to my office which is completely on the opposite side of the floor. As I walk into my office I knock on the door. She turns and looks at me with a grin. The first thing I notice was he hair. Golden not like a dumb blonde kind of look but almost a los angles kind of blonde where he hair is almost as bright as the sun. she was short but not to short maybe around 5’3 which is short for my abnormally tall figure. I reach my hand out to greet her as she does the same. “hi im tiffany. Ive heard allot about you.” As my hand meets her hand I realize how soft her skin is which causes me to gently squeeze her hand. “heeee” I reply. She looks back at me with a puzzled face. I have no idea why words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.“ hi im Donovan but you can call me don. Im sorry for coming across as an idiot I have no idea why my mouth wouldn’t work.” She laughed, “its okay I have that affect on people sometimes” she said with a joking tone. I grin” wow a since of humor that’s something your gonna lose working here” she laughed. Her laugh was cute. “so im gonna be working with you?” I asked her. “yeah I guess your stuck with me but its only a month so your gonna have to bare with me.” “a month? Oh no I don’t know if im going to be able to do it” I said. Her smile went away. “oh im sorry I just was joking” I said. She started to laugh, “ wow cute and sensitive, maybe ill have to stay longer than a month.” We both looked at eachother and smiled knowing that there would be no problem working together.

After a week of work I head home on a Saturday night. On my walk home I get a call from my buddy david I haven’t spoke to him in weeks hes been busy with his schooling. “hey man whats up?” saying answering the phone. “hey you still live on the upper east side right?” he asks. “yeah” I reply “well im in town and wondering if you wanted to get some drinks or something?” he asks. “hell yeah, where at?” I ask him. “meet me a napoleons bar? Ill order you a beer” he says. “alright man see you in a few” i say as I hang up the phone.

I walk into napoleons and see dave. He raises his beer up to get my attention. I walk over and we embrace eachother in a hug. “whats going on man” he asks. “same shit just a Saturday” I reply. He laughs, I ask him the same “ whats going on man”. “well for starters im a month away from graduation” he says. “congrats man im proud of you, next round is on me” I tell him in an exciting voice.

Weve been sitting catching up for hours and have had enough beer and bar food for me to be sick for months. He asks,” hey man I know it’s a touchy subject but what ever happened with you and luna?” I look and reply with the most honest answer I could think of,” things just didn’t work out. He looks at me and says,” he man that’s too bad I know you really liked the girl but shit happens, hell look at me im not even done with college and already divorced.” I look at him and he looks at me and we both laugh, “yeah but I started working with this new girl and I don’t know I shes kind of funny” I tell him. “oh yeah? Tell me about her” he asks. I tell him ”well shes kind of an asshole but she has a sence of humor, she has nice hair and big blue eyes. Hell she can even write too.” “you like her?” he asks. “ no man I just work with her” I say. He looks at me with a face that says “really?” he says “ come on man you wouldn’t have brought her up if you didn’t ask her out man” he does have a point but im not sure maybe I just need to focus on work plus I don’t think im quite sure for anything yet. The conversation dies down after a couple more beers and we both say our farewells and part ways.

Its Monday all over again. I wake up make the coffee take a shower but something is urging me. Im actually excited to go to work. Im putting on clothes that give me confidence. I leave out of my apartment and make it to work 15 min early. I walk past murphys office saying ,”morning boss.” He replies with “good morning” but I walk past him and am almost on a mission to my office. “hey don” she says, I reply “ good morning tiff.” She looked great this morning. I don’t know what it was about her. The way she smelled the way her hair was tied up in a bun or maybe it was just the way her hair shined back at me as the new York gloomy day approached. “hey tiff?” I ask. She replys with a speedly “yes?” “ would you want to go out with me sometime?” she looks at me with a puzzled face. I realize what I just asked and I say “ im sorry im not sure what came over me. I don’t know its just a new week and” she cuts me off in the middle of my rant, “what time would you like to pick me up?” I look in shock, surpisingly I got this far. “um after work maybe we could grab a bite to eat?” I ask“ id love that” she replies.

After the work day we both leave together and I take her to this little Italian place a couple blocks from work. All I can think to myself is how well it went. How well it was kept going. After dinner I called a cab for her and payed him to take her to her house. Before she got in the cab she kissed me. Just a peck, I was caught almost by surprise. She says “ thank you I loved tonight and hope it can happen again” I replied “ me too, and id love too. Was that you asking me out?” she laughs “ yes but you cant tell anybody” she gets into the cab and we both say goodnight.

I walk into my office. Its tiffs last day, but I have a pitt in my stomach cause im not quite sure where this leaves us. Her and I have been going out more frequently and it seems to get more serious. Im not sure what to think of all of it but I guess I might just have to find out. I get out of the elevator and walk to my office. Tiff turns around and sees me, “hey hun she runs up and hugs me, you know what today is right?” of course how could I forget” I reply as I walk past her and sit on my desk. “hey? You okay?” she asks. I respond shrugging my shoulders “ yeah im alright” she sees the worry in my eyes. “is this about us?” she asks me. I look at her as she looks at me. “yes it is” she says. “talk to me” she says. I look at her “ what are we going to do? Like tiff honestly I have feelings for you and im not quite sure how were going to go with you leaving” she looks at me and smiles “ hun just because im leaving this job doesn’t mean I plan on leaving anywhere out of your life” I look back at her and smile as she looks at me. She walks over and sits on my lap and says “ lets go out tonight and celebrate, a new chapter of things”. I smile “ I have to decline I have to finish this article for tomorrows paper but ill tell you what, tomorrow night sounds excellent. Only if your free?” she looks at me and says “of course im free, sounds like a plan”.

I get off of work late, its raining. I look at the time and its almost 1am. I start my walk home. On my walk home I cant think about how much im grateful for how things are turning out in my life. I mean hey just a couple months ago I felt like I had no direction in life but now I feel like I might be moving forward. I

I walk into my apartment with my soaking coat and hang it up on the hook. I turn my heater up and start to change into my sleep wear. Right as I hit my bed I hear a knock on my door. “ who could be here this late?” I think to myself. I walk to my door peep hole and peer through all I see is a women with her hood up. I open the door and as soon as I opened it I can feel me stomach in my shoes. “luna?” I say in a muttered voice. “hi Donny” she replies. “what are you doing here?” I ask. She looks at me “I was out and just happened to stop by I figured you would still be up. The late sleeper I remember you as” She says to me. “yeah I just got off work and was getting ready to hit the sack” I tell her “ oh im sorry I was just looking for someone to talk to I can go if youd like.” She responds. “ no come in ill make some coffee” I respond. She comes in and sits down I stand in the kitchen and start to make coffee. “Nothing has changed about this place huh?” she says over the coffee being brewed. “nope not much, I barely spend time in here anymore” I tell her. She looks in a surprised look,” oh out with your girlfriend all the time?” she said in a sarcastic but serious manner. “actually yes well I mean you could call it that, and work” I told her. “oh?” she says,”hows work going?” I knew she was beating around the bush but who was I to call it out. “ works great actually ive been moving up in the chain and really enjoying my work” I told her. “enjoying work who are you? Is this even Donovan?” she says in a joking way. I laugh as I hand her the coffe,”yeah you can say I guess im moving in some kind of direction but who knows if its right or wrong.” She laughs,” and there he is Same old downer Donny I remember.” She says laughing. “how about you, whats miss luna doing with her life?” I ask. “well ive finally become a published writer and im actually on my way to getting my doctorate in british literature.” She tells me in such detail but I start to unvoluntarely ignore as I start to get lost in her brown eyes. We continue catching up throughout coffee and end up staying up all night.

My alarm for 6 am goes off and I realize that I have work. As I go to turn it off I walk back into the room and lune is standing by the sink rinsing her cup. I cant help but remember every morning waking up and seeing her standing there making our coffee in on of my oversized shirts of mine. After all this was our first place. I look at her the way I used to look at her and she turns back and looks at me. I walk to her and she walks towards me and there seems to almost be a silence in the city of new York. All I can pay attention to is her. We walk so close to eachother that I can feel her breathe on my neck. We both move in slowly and interlock lips. We kiss, for the first time in almost a year of not talking and it feels like the first time I ever layed my lips on hers. It felt like nothing else mattered. Like everything was oblivious to this moment. We move to the bedroom and without a word being said our clothes seem to disappear and both move slowly into the bed that we picked out together. Everything became nothing and nothing became everything. The way she looked at me was the way I was staring at her. A year soon collapsed into nothing. Hours felt like minutes and the day soon fell to night.

The next day I woke up and she was laying on my arm. I had this overwhelming guilt. It clouded over me. I notice my phone on the table. I pick it up and have new messages. They are from tiff,” hey haven’t heard from you all day. Hope your okay? Lemme know about dinner.” I hit my hand to my face “shit I had dinner with her last night and I missed it” I thought to myself. Im sitting on my couch and feel a hand reach over my shoulder to my chest and kiss my neck. “goodmorning” luna said. I stand up and look at her breathing heavily. “ why?” I ask her. She looks at me with a questioned face. “why does everytime I feel like things are moving in a direction that I like I take 10 steps back with you” I tell her. She looks at me “Donny I miss you” she says. “you didn’t miss me. You didn’t miss me when I saw you in the street and ran away from me. You didn’t miss me when I woke up one morning and you were gone for reasons I still don’t know. Why did you have to come back?” I yell. She looks at me with a tear rolling down her face and says “im gonna go” I immediately realize what I say and regret every word that came out of my mouth. Its too late to take it back I know who luna is and she wont forget that ever. I stand back as I watch her leave for the last time. As she walks out of the door I fall to the ground in tears realizing that the only person ive truly loved I pushed away.

Tiffinay and I are moving all of my stuff from one apartment to our next. Its been 6 months since she left and tiff still doesn’t know she exsists. As im finishing cleaning out my bedroom I notice a book laying in my drawer in my room im never seen before. Theres a sticker on it that says “for you, love luna.” I look at the book and realize there is a writing on the inside that says “our story.” I turn back and take one final look at the apartment as I close the door to that chapter of my life.

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[winter-and-little-brunettes]

85 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @vldrocketeer! Thanks, sweetie, sorry Im getting to doing this so late!!!

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Coca-Cola! And, Im about to go grab another can...

2. Phone call: My mom! I sent her some cute bird videos, and called her to hear her reactions to them.

3. Text message: A good friend I made in first year! His name is Colin, and he lived across the hall from me in residence first year. We’re both the same major (English Lit), and we both have similar interests in video games, so we got along great. I won’t post what I said, since we’re catching up and it was a long ass text message, but it was basically me explaining why I haven’t seen him around lately (since I’m usually holed up at work when I’m on campus)

4. Song you listened to: “Turning Page” by Sleeping At Last. It’s a favourite of mine!

5. Time you cried: Oh jeez... Uh, last month? March has been pretty stressful, and April will make me want to rip my hair out...

6. Dated someone twice: I almost did! But no, never actually dated the same guy twice.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Its hard enough to get me to kiss someone, let alone do it and regret it.

8. Been cheated on: I have. He was my first and only heartbreak (so far)

9. Lost someone special: Hmm... I think my best answer here is “yes”.

10. Been depressed: I mean, Im usually a pretty happy person, but everyone has their ups and downs. I cant say Ive been clinically depressed, but I have had a very dark part in my life, and I feel like another one is coming.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: HAHAHA uh... no... I mean, that totally wasn’t me...

— Fave colours

12. purple!!

13. blue, like, a royal blue, yknow?

14. pink

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: I have, fortunately!!

16. Fallen out of love: “I need to be in love for that to happen” god Erin, same

17. Laughed until you cried: Those are some of the best moments. I’m a loud laugher, and it happens like, once a week probably.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don’t do anything special enough to be talked about

19. Met someone who changed you: I feel like every person I’ve ever met has influenced me in some way or the other, so yes.

20. Found out who your friends are: Oh man, I certainly have. Fortunately, I have that cliche best friend story where I’ve literally known her since SK, went to the same elementary school, high school, and university together... And she lived around the corner from me when I still lived in my hometown.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Well, considering my one ex is my friend there, I have to say yes.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Every single one. Although I’m never on facebook so don’t ever add me; itll take a month to hear back from me.

23. Do you have any pets: I have two cats! Well, one lives with me, and the other is at my parent’s place. But Perriwinkle is with me, my precious kitty, and shes all I need!

24. Do you want to change your name: Hmm... I do quite like my birth name, and I adore my last name, but my middle name... Im not super fond of “Marie”.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: hahahaha uh, well, Id been working at my new job for about a week at that time, so I was working on my 19th birthday.

26. What time did you wake up today: 11:35am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was working on The Power of Faiths upcoming update! ;)

28. What is something you can’t wait for: to be done university... As much as it’s a cool experience and all, all the stress it brings is gonna kill me prematurely.

30. What are you listening to right now: “I Get To Love You” by Ruelle

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I work with a guy named Tom. He’s a music major, he plays piano and is overall a super cool dude

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: when people I call for my job pick up the phone on a Sunday and bitch at me that I’m calling on “the day of rest”. Like?? Bitch, you did not have to pick up the phone. You saw the caller ID, just, let it go to voicemail?????????

33. Most visited website: It’s a toss-up between tumblr and ao3

34. Hair colour: brown, like, chocolate brown I guess

35. Long or short hair: It’s long for some people’s standards (it comes to between my shoulder blades) but still pretty short for me. I’m used to my hair reaching the small of my back.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Oh hell no, aint nobody got time for that

37. What do you like about yourself: Uh... You guys wouldn’t like my answer.

38. Want any piercings: I seriously thought about a tongue piercing, but idk.

39. Blood type: You’d think, from the amount of blood Ive had taken for allergy tests and the like that I’d know. But nope, I have no idea.

40. Nicknames: Sam, Sammy, Samserban, Pretties, Samuel.

41. Relationship status: Single

42. Sign: Gemini!

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: Voltron

45. Tattoos: I’m looking into tattoo parlors to get my first tattoo over the summer. I’m gonna get a bunch of flowers on my back, over my heart, for my grandma <3

46. Right or left handed: Right

47: Ever had surgery: Nope! Worst I’ve had are x-rays

48. Piercings: I do have my ears pierced, just once.

49. Sport: Hahahaaaa not anymore, I’m lazy af. But I used to figure skate competitively, row competitively, and ride horses.

50. Vacation: I hardly ever travel. Ive been down to Florida twice, and been to England and Scotland around this time two years ago with my two best friends.

51. Trainers: ...no? Again, I’m lazy af.

— More general

52. Eating: I dont eat as often as I should.

53. Drinking: Coca-Cola. Or coffee. Not sure which I’m gonna get yet.

54. I’m about to watch: I mean, I should be working on papers or something... Or even writing... But I just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood the other day and I loved it!!!

55. Waiting for: my English prof to give me my marks back for a paper I wrote.

56. Want: a lot of money so I don’t have to work as much as I do to live in my bachelor’s apartment with my cat.

57. Get married: Maybe..... It depends on if I ever find the right person. But if I dont, I am more than happy to be alone.

58. Career: I really reeeaaally want to get into a writing/editing career. I want to one day work for a firm to work one on one with authors to help them edit and publish novels!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs!

60. Lips or eyes: Oooh, eyes man!

61. Shorter or taller: Taller...

62. Older or younger: Older

63. Nice arms or stomach: Ooooh... arms...

64. Hookup or relationships: Definitely relationships, but I’m terrible at keeping them,,

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Oh gosh, I mean, Im definitely more of a trouble maker... But like, a cautious one.

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Oh hell no

67. Drank hard liquor: Im Canadian... Yes

68.Turned someone down: Haha, I sure have! I got asked out by two different guys on the same day before.

69. Sex on first date: Oh god no

70: Broken someone’s heart: Probably.....

71. Had your heart broken: I most certainly have!

72. Been arrested: Fortunately, not.

73. Cried when someone died: Yes. But, only once.

74. Fallen for a friend: I have no idea what this means???

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: hahaha uh... No???????

76. Miracles: Id like to??

77. Love at first sight: I do, but not for myself.

78. Santa Claus: Nope

79. Angels: Oh god no

— Misc

80. Eye colour:  like, a warm brown colour?

81. Best friends name: Kaylee!

82. Favourite movie: I love too many movies... But the ones that come to mind are Spirit: Stallion of the Cimerran, Stardust, The Swan Princess, and Toy Story!!!

83. Favourite actor: There are days I can barely remember my coworkers names, and I see them for like, 15 hours a week. Let alone someone I’ve never met???

84. Favourite cartoon: It’s Voltron ;)

85. Favourite teacher’s name: I dont really consider myself to have “favourite” profs. But I am fond of a few that I’ve had!

I’m gonna tag @forsakenangel88, @mardimari, @dumb-birdd, and any of my followers who want to do this! Just tag me, I’d love to see your answers <3

[richard-the-boy-wonder-blog]

I was tagged by: @rebel-eds , thanks for giving me something to do B 💓

1. last drink?: Shitty imitation coffee. 

2: last phone call?: my mommy.

3. last text message?: "okay mommy" you can only guess who i sent it to.

4. last song you listened to?: Best Friends by Grandson. (Its a banger beatbi suggest everyone give it a listen)

5. last time you cried?: Thusday night last week.

6. dated someone twice?:  Yes, and i was mistaken both times.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a guy who only kissed me to date my mom.

8. been cheated on?: Yeah actually, and the kicker was that it was an irl relationship between me and this person and they cheated on me with someone from across the country... So.

9. lost someone special?: Not really?

10. been depressed?: Oooooh boy.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?:  Story time! Ive been black out drunk, once. I invited my current bf over for some video games (we had been dating for like a month maybe) and i thought "boy imma get stupid and put the moved on him" drank 2 things of box wine to myself (1 box is equal to 4 glasses of wine lol) ended up getting sick really fast and left my bf to watch my younger 2 siblings while i threw up. Thats all i remember. (I think i also tried to shave my legs?)

Fave colors

12. Green (every single shade)

13. Black, like oil black so its not as dark.

14. Like a dusty brown yellow color.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?:  I think so? I hope so cause theres alot of people on here i just recently met that im already considering my friends.

16. fallen out of love?: Yes... Honestly its the saddest feeling in the world.

17. laughed until you cried?: I did that last night over the fact i said i wanted to become a professional hotdog juicer.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, im a snoopy bitch.

19. met someone who changed you?: Oh yes, some of them were for the better, but this one person im thinking in particular... I wish he would stop.

20. found out who your friends are?: Yeah actually, i moved and alot of the people i considered "friends" started talking crap, and alot of the people i just considered stuck up for me.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Does my mom count?

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: Like a solid 80% of them, others are people i briefly met at cons or whatever.

23. do you have any pets?: I have 2 kitties! My sisters fat cat Juno and my demon Leia.

24. do you want to change your name?: Not really, i feel like ive got a pretty cool name.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: I cried and threw up on myself lol.

26. what time did you wake up today?: 8:46 am i remember because i wooe up amd the first thought i had was: "if i dont get up the carrots will attack."

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Editing my fic and watching School of Rock.

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: I have a sad life thats going nowhere so i have nothing to look forward to.

30. what are you listening to right now?: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and Papas.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: I worked for a guy named Tom. Tom was an asshat.

32. something getting on your nerves?: The fact that im not aloud to sing or dance around the hoyse anymore.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr lol.

34. hair color?: I had purple hair before i dyed it brown, so its kinda like orangy brown with a tint of pink.

35. long or short hair: This is a hard question because my hair is a mega floof. So it looks short but when i flat iron it its fairly long.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: Honestly.... I think so.

37. what do you like about yourself?:  Im not a huge fan of my outsides (my appearance) but i love my insides. I think im hella funny, and goofy but i know im not very pleasant to look at. But thats okay ☺

38. want any piercings: I already have my snake bites and 2 holes in each ear, but im dying to have my bellybutton, eyebrow, and either my nipples or tongue done. (Maybe a double helix UGH i dont know)

39. blood type: i think im AB positive?

40. nicknames: Jae, JJ, Jada, Scoob, scooberndude, bug, beb, moose, little angry one, you.  

41. relationship status: Taken.

42. zodiac: imma Capricorn.

43. pronouns: I mostly go by They/them, but im okay with her/she too.

44. fave tv show: Ive re-discovered 'Dan vs. Everything' and im in love.

45. tattoos: ive got 4, 1 on my left arm, 2 of my right. And one on the back of my neck (i should just face reveal and show them honestly i get asked about them so much)

46. right or left handed: left handed (imma diamond in the rouge)

47. ever had surgery: GOD NO.

48 . piercings: Yep like i said before. Ove got 6, my snake bites and 2 in each ear.

49. sport: I USE to play baseball amd hockey. (I was also on a roller derby team if that counts)

50. vacation: I haven't been on vacation since i was 8.

51. trainers: No.

more general

52. eating: I was told that you should drink water 20 minutes before eating, because dehydration can feel like hunger. I started doing that like a week ago and ive eaten maybe 4 times since 😂

53. drinking: Water 😎 (hydration is sexy, yall should go get some)

54. im about to watch: myself post this amd regret it.

55. waiting for: my mom to get home so i can come put of my room.

56. want: More records.

57. get married? After some consideration, probably not ever gonna happen.

58. career: i dunno yet, i just know i wanna go to film/art school!

59. hugs or kisses: keeses 😙

60. lips or eyes: The eyes.

61. shorter or taller: i dont really mind either, evidentally though its always tall because im short as fuck.

62. older or younger: Still doesnt really matter to me, as long as they aint a pedo.

63. nice arms or stomach: Arms, because i love being held.

64.  hookup or relationship: a relationship where you pretend not to know each other and "hook up"

65. troublemaker or hesitant: im not really either? Like im not very shy, but im not so far out there that i get in trouble.

66. kissed a stranger: Thats how you get hepatitis.

67. drank hard liquor: Yes, i still would but i get hella nervous about it (im a stoner not a drinker eeeeh)

68. lost glasses: yep! Thats why i dont have them now.

69. turned someone down: Not really. No one has ever asked me out before :/

70. sex on the first date: im a hoe and proud, but this is a major no no.

71. broken someones heart: i think so... But they broke all of me first.

72. had your heart broken: Ive had alot more than just my heart broken.

73. been arrested: Yes i was arrested when i was 9.

74. cried when someone died: Ive been crying over David Bowie for 2 years now, yes.

75. fallen for a friend: This is the only way i can get into a relationship

do you believe in…

76. yourself: Yes! I can do the thing!

77. miracles: Sadly no, ive never had one happen for me.

78. love at first sight: Kinda? Like it starts out as "i wanna punch your face in" at first site, and THEN i fall in love.

79. santa clause: yes because my papa is santa.... I seen it.

80. kiss on a first date: i always barf if someone tries to kiss me on the first date. (Not because it grosses me out but because i got bad anxiety lol)

81. angels: Absolutly because all my friends are angels 💓

82. best friend’s name: I... I dont have one? (Does my twin count? Her name is Dawn)

83. eye color: Green!

84. fave movie: Probably Pretty in Pink.

85. fave actor: Lesie motherfucking Jones! This girl is amazing, she went to an art school in Colorado for a basketball scholarship and ended up in theater and on SNL instead. I aspire to be cool enough to earn my way onto SNL.

I should tag some peepes: @trashmouthmissy @spaghetti-head-eds , @thegreatwhiteferret , @beepbeepbongoboyy , and anyone else who wants to do this can and tag me saying i tagged you 😎

[pixelgrotto]

Sega and franchise decay

Sonic Forces, the newest 3D game to star a certain blue hedgehog, is out now and receiving middling reviews. Rather than talk about it, I’d rather discuss the 2D Sonic Mania, which came out a few months ago. I never got the chance to blog about it until now, but you can read my Steam review for what it’s worth. I would’ve preferred that the game be composed of all new levels instead of a few new ones and remixed oldies, and in some ways I do believe that Sonic Generations did the “celebration of past and future” shtick a tad better, but overall, I had a good time with Mania. The most impressive thing about it, in my eyes, is how well it captures that 90s-2000s Sega “magic.” It’s hard to describe this in words, but during those years the company’s output, especially their in-house, exclusive stuff, just radiated coolness and creativity that was a little different from what Nintendo was doing. Whether it was the neon visual smorgasbord that encompassed all of the zones in Sonic’s games or the Moebius-inspired fantasy trappings of the Panzer Dragoon series, Sega’s games often seemed fresher and sexier, with dashes of unexpected punk and sophistication in them that the Big N could never really capture. I mean, the run ‘n jump levels and cheery tunes of the Mushroom Kingdom in the Mario games were wonderful, but hell, Sonic 3 featured snowboarding action and a soundtrack that Michael Jackson worked on.

Unfortunately, while the Nintendo of 2017 is kicking butt with the Switch and has upcoming releases scheduled for most of their classic franchises, the Sega of 2017 is in a much different position, and the changes began after the sad failure of the Dreamcast in 2001, when Sega killed off its hardware unit. In the years since, the company’s slowly morphed from a creative house that bankrolled a franchise of games starring an alien-fighting aquatic mammal (Ecco the Dolphin) into a conservative organization that does NOT want to repeat the monetary losses that were suffered during the Sega Saturn and Dreamcast eras, and is therefore highly selective with what it publishes and develops. And somewhere along the way, most of the older franchises that Sega was known for went by the wayside, because their most recent entries either underperformed or they were considered too risky for today’s gaming environment. If you look at the company’s website, you can see a list of what modern Sega considers to be their top tier franchises, and most of them are Western ones that were acquired fairly recently, like Company of Heroes. As far as notable in-house Japanese stuff is concerned, you’ve really only got the Yakuza and Hatsune Miku games (guaranteed moneymakers in Japan, which is why they keep getting made), and Sonic (a guaranteed moneymaker in the rest of the world).  What happened to all those franchises of the past, then? Sega let them decay. Shinobi got its last release - a pretty good 3DS game - in 2011, and there’s been nary a word since. Anything is possible with ninjas, since Capcom brought Strider back from a 15 year retirement in 2013, but for now, Joe Musashi is AWOL. Ecco the Dolphin died in the Dreamcast era, Shining Force seems to have sputtered out after several PS2 and PSP releases that barely resembled the series’ strategy roots, and Panzer Dragoon vanished after Sega’s short-lived flirtation with the original Xbox in the early 2000s. The Oasis series (Beyond Oasis and Legend of Thor) never survived past the Sega Saturn, despite featuring excellent top-down action RPG gameplay that had the potential to go up against Zelda, if Sega had only invested the resources. While we’re on the topic of RPGs, Phantasy Star *sort of* still lives on as an MMO, but the single player entries in the series have long been dead, and even after five years, Sega has still refused to localize Phantasy Star Online 2 outside of Japan. And then we have two really depressing ones - Streets of Rage has been MIA even though Sega went out of its way to issue a takedown notice for a popular fan remake that was released in 2011, and Virtua Fighter, despite being pretty much the earliest 3D fighting franchise, hasn’t seen a real entry since 2006, and only exists as a cheap mobile game now. (I realize there are plenty of other franchises I’m leaving out here like Jet Set Radio, but I decided to limit my focus to games I’d played.)

In the aftermath of Sonic Mania’s release, there were a number of threads on NeoGAF (before GAF, well, imploded), speculating on what franchises should receive a “Mania” type resurrection. And if you’ve read up to this point, you can guess what my answer will be - damn near all of Sega’s old series could use this treatment. New versions of Shining Force and Panzer Dragoon that respect their legacy by emulating the style of their forefathers while introducing just enough new stuff to appeal to younger fans would absolutely make me lose my mind. But I feel that we’re unlikely to ever get a “Shining Mania” or “Panzer Dragoon Mania,” because the circumstances that brought us Sonic Mania are unique. Sonic has always had a robust fangame and ROM hacking community, and it was Christian Whitehead, one of those fan engineers, whose mobile port of Sonic CD just happened to be good enough to get Sega to hire him to port other Sonic games to phones. One thing led to another, and eventually Christian got tasked to take the lead in making Sonic Mania.  Sega’s other old franchises don’t inspire fans and homebrew projects in quite the same way, and even though Streets of Rage came close with that 2011 remake, Sega swooped in pretty fast to nuke that one from the net, and I don’t think they gave any of the former devs jobs. This is because Sega just doesn’t care about Streets of Rage, Ecco the Dolphin, or even Virtua Fighter as much as Sonic. The blue hedgehog is a long-term mascot who’s managed to survive oodles of so-so 3D games (like the new Sonic Forces) to still be popular 25+ years after his birth. He’s not seen as a risk to the conservative Sega of 2017. A new Oasis game, on the other hand, probably is, and why should Sega stretch their lessened in-house production studios on what might be criticized as a Zelda clone when they can instead make another proven thing - a new Sonic, or perhaps a Yakuza or Hatsune Mika spinoff? No, I think the only way some of these franchises could be resurrected is if the original devs manage to grab hold of the license and take to Kickstarter, as is the case with Shenmue 3, a rare success story in this day in age. (Emphasis on the word RARE…and I’d actually rather not call Shenmue 3 a total “success” until the game is out, to be honest.) Franchise decay isn’t unique to Sega. It’s an affliction present in many other production studios, from Square Enix (I miss you, Parasite Eve) to Capcom (the mobile Breath of Fire 6 does not count) to Konami (Contra, Suikoden, damn near everything). Even Nintendo, who have generally done a fine job at avoiding this by bringing Kid Icarus and 2D Metroid back from the dead, have seemingly gone out of their way to not make a new F-Zero game for an awfully long time. But Sega is definitely the king when it comes to the sheer number of oldies that could stand to be updated for a new generation, but won’t be. And Sega are also the only ones to tempt us with Sonic Mania, a game chock-full of easter eggs to old titles that also offers a template which would be PERFECT for something like Shinobi or Streets of Rage…but one that likely won’t be used. Because the magical Sega of yesteryear, the one that got Michael Jackson to fiddle with Sonic 3 and used to be oh so fresh and oh so cool, is not the Sega of today.  RIP, Shinobi, Ecco, Shining Force, Panzer Dragoon, Oasis, single player Phantasy Star, Streets of Rage and Virtua Fighter. Somewhere, in the same alternate universe that Sonic Mania manifested from, the Dreamcast did super well and all of you are on your tenth respective entries right now. 

It’s a blast processing fever dream, but isn’t it a nice one? (Header Sonic Mania screenshot taken by me. All the other pics I jacked from Mobygames.)

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

[zoeygreensimblr]

Everything Has Changed (episode 1)

For our 18th birthday my twin sister Teresa and I made a pack, we were joining the gym. That was 6 months ago and we still hadn't  stepped foot inside San Myshuno's  Skye Fitness gym.  We kept making excuses that the commute from Brindleton Bay would take forever, that we wouldn't get our homework completed and would end up failing our final year of school or we would get mugged going into the city but the truth is, like other packs made in the past, we knew we were never going to follow through...or so I thought.

Tess was not only my twin sister, she's also my best friend, we did everything together so when she announced to me this afternoon that there was no more excuses, that we were catching the train to the city and joining Skye Fitness, I knew there was no getting out of it.

We arrived at the gym just after 4pm, in time to start a boxercise class. The class by being ran by possibly the hottest guy Ive ever laid eyes on, tall, blonde, muscles and piercing blue eyes.

"welcome everyone, my name is Angus, I'll be your trainer this afternoon" he announced in voice that boasted such confidence, then his eyes met mine "I see we have some new faces today, have you girls done Boxercising before?"

"No we haven't but we did boxing in PE" Tess pipes up, as I stand there, unable to look away from Angus.

"Ah good, you should be great then but if you do have any issues just yell out and I'll come give you some one-on-one attention. What are your names anyway"

"I'm Teresa, well Tess for short"

Oh No, he's staring at me and I can't even remember my own name!!!

"And you are...?" He asks, those blue eyes locked with mine,  I can feel my cheeks are starting to burn, what was my name? I know I have one, everyone has a name, why can't I remember my own name and why can't I pull away from his magnetic gaze. Luckily Tess is no stranger to social awkwardness and answers for me "That's Zoey, we're twins, not identical though".

That's Tess for you, she's a social butterfly, she can talk to anyone and everyone loves being around her, she has this amazing ability to make you feel like comfortable, as if you've known each other forever. She's also school captain this year which is no surprise since she's been bossing me around from the moment we were born. She creates the adventures and just drags me along but I'm not complaint, it's a constant blast being with her.

Boxercising was harder than what I thought it would be and so many times I just wanted to give up, run from the gym and back home where it was safe and nobody was forcing me to do activities that made sweat drip from every inch of skin on my body. My face felt like it was on fire and I was struggling to catch my breath between sets but there were two big reasons for staying:

1. Obviously I couldn't just run off and leave Tess there, I'd never hear the end of it, "I HAD to catch the train home by myself Zoey, BY MY SELF!!!!, You really let me down Zoey...AGAIN". Sometimes its just better to stick it out than to face the wrath of Tess.

2. If I left mid class then I'd never be able to face Angus again, I'd be so embarrassed that he would forever think of me as "The girl who was so unfit"

so I stayed and the more I started to struggle the more Angus was there to motivate me to keep going with his positive praise "You're doing awesome Zoey, take a small break if you need it though". By the end of the class I was starting to get the hang of it.

After class was over and everyone started to leave Angus approached Tess and I, "Great job tonight girls, you're naturals" He said, beaming a bright, beautiful smile at us both. "I was on our school's cheerleading squad so I knew this would be a somewhat easier for me than it would be for Zo, she's thin but unfit, we just got good genes hey ZoZo"

Thanks Tess, that doesn't embarrass me at all, now the hot trainer is going to think Im just some lazy sod who spends all day watching TV and eating chips.

"I exercise!!" that was the only thing Ive said to Angus this whole time, no examples to back it up, just blurting out that I do some sort of physical activity, he going to think Im some type of idiot who can't even hold a decent conversation....OK, well he wouldn't be too wrong on that account but still I don't was the man who looks like he was chiselled out of wood to be thinking I'm just a moron.

"It's all good Zoey" He says, as if reading my thoughts. "So, will I be seeing you two here more often? Im a personal trainer here at the gym, I take small groups between 1 and 3 people so I can help them focus in on what areas they want to work most on"

"we should do that Zoey, you need all the help you can get and I know nothing would motivate you more than having a gorgeous face to look at while you're being whipped into shape" Once again, Thanks Tess, always so tactful, my cheeks start burning up and Angus just flashes us that amazing smile. This is Hell, Im in social hell and my sister is just loving it and Angus, who is probably used to women falling for him all the time, is just enjoying the ego boost...all at my expense.

"We have to go, the train back to Brindleton Bay leaves in 20 minutes" Please Tess, can we go, get out of this situation, let me go home, climb into bed, pull the covers over myself and just wait to die from embarrassment, please!

But no, she won't have it, she's loves to be social, she also loves to see me squirm. "Zoey the trains run every 20 minutes, if we miss that one then there will be more, stop panicking" she rebuffs, rolling her eyes at me, "so the personal training, is that included in our membership or do we pay extra for that?"

Angus can see is she pitch has worked, that he had won over little miss social butterfly and he's getting socially awkward as an unwanted added bonus, great, now I'll be third wheeling their flirtfests, my life is complete.

"it's usually extra per person but I can do a 2 for one deal"

"Good, because I won't need that much work but Zoey here is going to need you to be all over her"

Why can't the Earth just open up and swallow me when I need it to?

"I think I can manage that" He flashes me that smile again and I feel my stomach fill with butterflies...or possibly I'm going to vomit. "Let me get your contact info so we can sign you up and Zoey, don't worry, I'll be gentle and I'll take it slowly to ease you into it ok?"

Great, now Im picturing him naked and all over me

"ok, thank you" I mumble while staring at the floor, I can no longer look him in the eye, this is just way too much.

"Tess, we really need to get going, it's getting late" I urge, hoping she will take the bait and we can get away from the "Mortification of Zoey Green"

"Alright Zoey, jeez, anyone would think you've got a hot date to rush home for" she laughs to herself

We board the train at 7pm, take our seats, facing each other but Im in no mood to talk to her, she ignores my sullen expression as she buzzes on about how great it will be to make the trip into the city every afternoon, how much fun we are going to have working out together, how attractive Angus is, how old she thinks Angus is, she thinks he wouldn't be a day over 24 and then she says something that gets my full attention

"He likes you Zoey, he couldn't take his eyes off you"

"He didn't like me Tess, he was most likely amused at the shit you were giving me and how far you could push it"

"No Zoey, Im never wrong about these things, that man wants to do more to you than just help you get fit, he wants to make you sweat and not just inside the gym"

Is it to late to ask to be adopted out?

[hoetron]

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing 

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room 

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to 

42. BLOODTYPE: shit  i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle 

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88  questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji ) 

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope 

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3 

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy? ��pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no

[allyinthekeyofx]

Fading light -part 2- 3/6

PART ONE  -  Chapters 1-6

PART TWO  -  Chapter one   Chapter two

PART TWO

CHAPTER THREE

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call your Mom?”

I’m trying to understand Scully’s reluctance to involve her Mother; I’m aware that the knowledge of her collapse yesterday will just seek to fuel another emotional outburst from Maggie, but even so, it just doesn’t sit right with me. But then it’s not my fight so I’m not sure I have a right to even hold an opinion, much less pass judgement over Scully’s decisions in this regard. To have to watch her losing control of her body is heart wrenching to me and I suppose she should be permitted to decide just how much of her gradual decline she wishes to share with her Mom.

But I still can’t help the guilt that gnaws at me that I am at least in part, a willing conspirator against a woman who has shown me more kindness and the past than I believe I deserve.

But Scully sets her mouth in a straight line, shaking her head and looking all the word like a small, determined child.

“No. I mean it Mulder. I’ll call her when I get home.”

When she will get home is still undetermined however. She’s had a pretty rough morning since she woke up. I hadn’t considered really just what the effects of swallowing so much blood yesterday would have on her and she’s been throwing up on and off for the past 3 hours or so despite a cocktail of anti sickness drugs added to her IV and she is clearly exhausted by this latest assault. Apparently the human digestive system - as Scully helpfully informed me - does not process large quantities of its own blood too well and vomiting in this circumstance is commonplace. It was something she apparently went through the last time around and something she never discussed with me. But then she didn’t really discuss much of anything with me back then and if I’m honest, I’m not entirely sure I had earned the right, intent as I was on seeking justice, and my partner, the woman I loved, the object of such heinous wrongdoing, somehow became secondary to my quest.

I’ve always been ashamed of my actions back then. I think I probably always will be and although I’ve never told her, I’m still haunted by the knowledge that I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. Yes, Scully is an intensely private person, but I was so blind back then that even if she’d expressed her need in neon letters two feet tall I doubt I would have been able to see past the ether of my obsession in order to react to it. And that’s why now, even though I had prayed that a resurgence of her cancer would never come, that I will be to her everything I wasn’t before.

I know I am going to have to leave her soon though, just for a while; because if she won’t allow me to involve anyone else, the most basic tasks need to be completed by me. Essential items, toiletries, a change of clothes, her robe....all fairly insignificant in the great scheme of things but items that will make her stay easier. I particularly know that she is desperate to clean her teeth. Scully is probably the most fastidious person I’ve ever met and I know that being unable to properly freshen up using her toothpaste and her brand of soap is pissing her off. She doesn’t need that on top of everything else. Not when it’s something that is so easily rectified.

I also need to grab a shower and a change of clothes because the scrubs, whilst pretty comfortable aren’t the most inconspicuous apparel to be wearing in a hospital and frankly I’m terrified that someone might mistake me for a member of the nursing staff and my duplicity will end up killing someone.

I’d said as much to Scully and was rewarded by the first genuine smile she had managed so far that day. And for a brief moment amidst the headache and the nausea and the fear, she was right back there with me.

“You’re an idiot Mulder”

I’d leaned in closer to her tickling her neck with my lips as I whispered in her ear so only she could hear me

“Admit it Scully, you just wanna play Doctors with me.”

And that earned me a swat on the arm.

Another small victory. But I would take it.

Shortly after that though she had closed her eyes and by the delicate furrows that marred her brow, I knew that the headache was back. She needed sleep and I’d suspected that it was something she was fighting against while I was still there with her. So I’d perched gently on the edge of the bed and taken her slim white hand in mine. I swear that her naturally pale skin tone had become virtually translucent since yesterday and my own hand seemed almost dark in comparison. And for some reason I can’t quite fathom, the sight of her hand engulfed in mine had tightened my throat as a sudden film of tears inexplicably gathered across my eyes and it took every single fucking reserve I had to not break down right there in front of her.

She noticed of course; I can’t hide anything from this woman and when I allow myself to really think about it, it humbles me that she has somehow managed to know me so completely. I am further humbled when she places her free hand against my cheek, holding it there for just a heartbeat.

“It’s okay” she whispers softly turning those incredible eyes on me that, just for a moment, radiate such compassion, such concern, that I want to gather her up and never let her go. To rain a thousand kisses down upon her body in an attempt to rid her of the hurt and the fear I know she is feeling.

“It’s okay Mulder. Go home for a while. I’ll be fine.”

She is tired. She needs to sleep.

So I simply nod and bring her hand to my mouth, kissing each finger softly before grazing my lips across her palm, tracing circles with my thumb across the satin soft skin and by the time I gently lay her arm across her chest, she has succumbed to her exhaustion and her eyes have fluttered closed. I allow myself the luxury of drinking in her image, the long chestnut eyelashes that sit in sharp contrast to her pale skin and despite the dark shadows under her eyes, to me, she is flawless.

“I’ll be back soon” I whisper.

And the small contended sigh that escapes from her slightly parted lips tells me that she hears me even in her dreams.

XXXX

I had briefly considered walking back home but given the fact I was dressed like an escaped mental patient and clutching a transparent trash bag containing the blood soaked clothes from yesterday, I’d decided against it and had asked the helpful volunteer at the admin desk if they could call me a cab. Even then I braced myself for the driver’s reaction to his strange passenger, but as it transpired, the driver, when he arrived, turned out to be a her and in my experience, women seemed to much less phased about these kinds of things than their male counterparts. A short Hispanic woman who bore more than a passing resemblance to Frohike, right down to the bushy eyebrows, didn’t bat an eyelid; she simply grabbed the bag from my hand, tossing it in to the backseat as she held the door open for me.

“Rough night?”

I laughed in spite of myself and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

“Yeah you could say that.”

She simply nodded and gestured that I should sit in the front next to her and I was grateful to not have to sit looking at Scully’s blood soaked clothing for the ten minute journey back to her apartment.

Once inside I gave her the address and leaned my head back against the seat, relaxing properly for the first time since that terrifying moment by the lake when Scully began to choke on her own blood. It happened less than 24 hours ago and yet seems like a lifetime. I am beginning to learn in the harshest way possible that nothing is constant where this disease is concerned. That in the blink of an eye everything changes. I hadn’t realised last time around just how much Scully had hidden from me and just how much she had coped with on her own.

How many times had she been puking up undigested blood after a nose bleed and had then followed me on whatever case I had managed to conjure up to ensure she kept moving? So that she wouldn’t have either the time or energy to walk away from me? Because by trying to keep things normal, I could deny what was happening. Until that final night on the sweeping stairway of the American University.

*I can’t go with you Mulder*.

I hadn’t even asked her why. Oh I knew her refusal to join me was directly tied to her cancer. But I hadn’t asked because for my own selfish reasons I wasn’t able to acknowledge it. That she was dying. Some fucking partner I turned out to be.

“Hey Mister....you okay?”

I snap abruptly back to the present day and realise with a start that we have arrived. I’m not sure how because it only seems like a few seconds since we pulled away from the hospital and joined the throngs of traffic heading in to the capitol.

“You zonked out on me” Mrs Frohike supplies helpfully and I shake my head in apology.

“Like I said. Rough night. I’m sorry, how much?” I glance at the meter and notice that the digital display is blank and am more than a little surprised when I feel a set of stubby fingers tighten briefly on my arm.

“Use it to buy your girl some flowers and tell her I said to get well soon.”

The kindness of a stranger.

And she called Scully ‘My girl’.

I can’t speak suddenly. The lump that formed in my throat makes it impossible. So I settle for a shaky smile that I know doesn’t quite come off and, after grabbing the bag of soiled clothes from the back, I exit the car.

Conscious that time is ticking and I want, no, need to be back at the hospital before Scully wakes up, I head straight for the wide double doors that grace the front of the beautiful old building that Scully calls home. And I realise perhaps for the first time that it feels like home for me too. Three months. Three short months is all it’s taken. Maybe it’s time I had a discussion with Scully about moving the fish in.

The concept makes me smile, a smile that freezes on my face as the familiar voice assails my senses from behind. My reaction is sudden and violent as I spin around to face a man who has brought nothing but misery and destruction to everyone and everything he comes in to contact with. As always a noxious blue cloud surrounds him, the smoke curling insidiously around him as though cloaking him in death and he is smiling at me. He has the audacity to smile at me. The cigarette smoking son of a bitch who calls himself my father. I would rather have been spawned by the devil himself; but then again, maybe I was.

His eyes settle on the bag I am still clutching at my side and his smile widens. It’s almost fatherly, jovial even and that alone makes me want to shove the barrel of my gun in to his mouth and blow the back of his fucking head off. Maybe it’s a good thing that it’s sat safely locked away in the apartment where I left it yesterday before we left for the park. I hadn’t wanted to carry a gun whilst walking with Scully through the autumn leaves beneath our feet. I just hadn’t felt the need.

“Did Agent Scully enjoy her Birthday gift?”

His oily unctuous voice reaches me somehow through the sudden white noise that seems to invade my every sense. And I recognise it as rage. Blind rage that he even has the audacity to speak her name.

“What did you say?”

My voice is low, dangerous, Icy in its control. Scully would be proud. Because what I actually want to do right now is to rip his head from his fucking shoulders.

“Her Birthday gift Fox. The one we gave her.”

I shake my head in an effort to clear it, as a horrified realisation suddenly hits me like an out of control boulder. Rolling towards me, gathering speed, unstoppable and unforgiving.

He caused it.

Yesterday.

The bleeding.

He caused it.

Somehow he caused it.

“You fucking black lunged bastard......” 

and I take a step towards him. I want to hurt this man so badly I can barely breathe. I want to systematically make him suffer in the same way he has made us suffer.

Has made Scully suffer.

But all it takes is for him to hold up his hand for me to stop in my tracks. Because I know. Suddenly I know that this is all a game to him.

“Now Fox. Don’t spoil things for yourself. Who knows what might happen to Scully if you do something rash.”

I ball my hands in to fists, the feel of my fingernails biting in to the flesh of my palms. But I welcome the pain. It tempers me just enough to remain where I am.

“What do you want from us? From me?”

He shakes his head

“You still haven’t figured it out have you Fox? I want nothing. Nothing but your loyalty. When the time comes.”

“When the time comes for what? you fucking double talking sick bastard.”

And when he doesn’t respond something inside me breaks free, I actually feel it give, like a rubber band stretched too tightly, unable to bear the pressure for even a second longer. All the years that this man has loomed like a spectre above us, controlling, manipulative, a manifestation of pure evil, hiding behind a conspiracy that destroys everything it comes in to contact with. And I can’t allow it to continue. For both Scully and I he has to be stopped, and I feel a sudden surge of satisfaction at the fear in his eyes as I lunge forwards and wrap my hands around his throat.

Continued chapter four.

[melt-your-headache-call-it-home]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself, and at the end, chose 25 people to tag

i was tagged by @goldun-days thank you bby<3

LAST:

1.) drink: Tropicana smooth orange juice

2.) phone call: Arran

3.) text messages: Arran as well lmao

4.) song you listened to: State of Dreaming by Marina And The Diamonds

5.) time you cried: last week 

HAVE YOU EVER

6.) dated someone twice: Yeah when i was like 14/15 mainly cause Tom was nice and i got guilted by my friends into it. It was chill tho only for 3 months the first time and a week the second lol It’s chill we bros now lmao

7.) been cheated on: Most probably, i mean all the signs were there but they werent gonna admit it so they blanked it instead (i used to date proper cunts)

8.) kissed someone and regretted it: Ermm yeah mainly cause it’d be truth or dare and they’d be sloppy lmao

9.) lost someone special: Noooope and i dont ever want to thanks

10.) been depressed: ooooo bby idk...yeah 24/7

11.) gotten drunk and thrown up: Yeah and its like either weirdly relieving or im screeching like pterodactyl and crying 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12.) Blue

13.) Pastel black 

14.) Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15.) made new friends: yeah i have!!!

16.) fallen out of love: nah boi still love my guy arran, my dude

17.) laughed until you cried: Erm ive laughed so hard my eyes water and i cant breath but not like full cry

18.) found out someone was talking about you: ooooooo bish u better believe it and i may have made one passive aggressive tweet and then fazed them out of my life lmao

19.) met someone who changed you: Erm yeah i guess so

20.) found out who your true friends are: Yeah pretty much but i hope to make more in September as well

21.) kissed someone on your Facebook list: My dude ive kissed quite a few people on my fb list, mostly truth or dare tho

22.) how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all of them except like a few 

23.) do you have any pets: I have a pure white cat named Gandalf

24.) do you want to change your name: nah ive made my peace with it

25.) what did you do for your last birthday: i was twenty and with Arran we went round london, had a fancy tea, went back and opened my presents then had dinner, it was pretty chill.

26.) what time did you wake up: 12:05pm

27.) what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching youtube stuff with Arran

28.) name something you cannot wait for: To move to uni and start my degree and feel like i have a purpose. Oh and the day i have emotional stability and am not riddled with mental illnesses lmao

29.) when was the last time you saw your mother: Monday afternoon

30.) what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: That i didnt have such a messed up childhood. Like if i could id rewrite the bad parts.

31.) what are you listening to right now:   There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet by P!@tTD

32.) have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yepp I dated one, was friends with one and probably have spoken to countless strangers called Tom unknowingly 

33.) something that gets on your nerves: Me

34.) most visited website: This or Instagram

35.) elementary: my dear watson 

36.) high school: Musical????????????

37.) college: Leila was stressed and sad but she’s going back for round two in September

38.) hair color: It’s blue but with black roots and shaved parts cause i got a fancy haircut and now i have an undercut lmao 

39.) long or short hair: I was supposed to grow it out then 38′s answer happened so it’s v short and masculine

40.) do you have a crush on someone: probably Brendon Urie I love him so much but it’s been so long lmao

41.) what do you like about yourself: My hair is blue that’s about it

42.) piercings: Ears and snakebites

43.) blood type: idk red???

44.) relationship status: in a relationship 

45.) nicknames: my mum is the only one who really calls me these; leilabug, lala, Troll,Gromit and Clever Little Bean Sprout. Sometimes my aunt or nan will use a couple of them but not often. 

46.) zodiac sign: Sagittarius

47.) pronouns: she/her  they/them

48.) fav tv show: heck idk i watch a lot of crap

49.) tattoos: a geometric unicorn stick and poke but i have some planned for my 21st

50.) right or left handed: Right!

FIRST:

51.) surgery: none boi

52.) piercing: Ears

53.) best friend: omfg either craig in nursery or Lacey in Infant school. 

54.) sport: Basket Ball

55.) vacation: my mum, my aunt, my aunts kid, my uncle, my sister and a family friend and me all drove in two big cars to the isle of wight and it was lit. I was like 10 and i wanna do it again next year for the banter

56.) pair of trainers: They were the best okayyyyy they fucking lit up every time you made a step and ive wanted them ever since. i finally got another pair for my 20th, after 18yrs long years of waiting lmao

57.) eating: first eating?????

58.) drinking: first drinking??? ??????????????

59.) about to see: im so confused

60.) listening to: Panic! At The Disco - Always

61.) waiting for: Arran to come home cause im hungry lmao

62.) want:Emotional stability and food

63.) get married: yeah 

64.) career: I’d love to be a working artist but i doubt it’ll happen 

WHICH IS BETTER

65.) hugs or kisses: Kisses cause i hate being touched at times

66.) lips or eyes: Eyes

67.) shorter or taller: I like taller partners but apart from that idm

68.) younger or older: Slightly older. 

69.) romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic

70.) nice arms or nice stomach: ughhhhhhhh i love both 

71.) sensitive or loud: Sensitive 

72.) hook up or relationship: Relationship

73.) troublemaker or hesitant: Bit of both 

74.) kissed a stranger: Yeah when i was younger and not shackled to my partner who i love and care for

75.) drank hard liquor: Yeah i guess

76.) lost glasses/contact lenses: contact lenses that i paid good money for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

77.) turned someone down: yeah it always makes me feel uncomfortable

78.) sex on first date: kind of???????????????????????

79.) broken someone’s heart: yah i guess

80.) had your own heart broken: yeah boi but i lost weight so it was good lmao

81.) been arrested: no

82.) cried when someone died: only in movies so far

83.) fallen for a friend: erm yeah that’s kind of how all my relationships happen

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84.) yourself?:heck, im trying to

85.) miracles?: not like religiously but miraculous things do happen i guess

86.) love at first sight?: nope, it’s just lust, love comes with time and personality

87.) santa claus?: not anymore my dreams were shattered 

88.) kiss on the first date?: i have yes

89.) angels?: no

OTHER…

90.) current best friends name(s): Zoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Arran is kinda like my best friend but he’s my boyfriend whereas Zoe is like the OG lmao

91.) eye color: Brown :/

92.) favorite movie: The Little Mermaid, Anastasia, Interview With A Vampire. I have loads but ive gone blank :c 

It says to tag 25 people but no

I tag: @the-leviathans-mansion  @biancamakesmejumpoutofwindows

@red-eyedsoul @strawberriedd @hateintheseveiins @lightninginmyeyes 

id tag more people but my laptop is lagging v much. You don’t have to do this if u dont want but if u wanna go for it!!!!!!!!

Thanks!!