#oh god look at all the ways to say two tragic men in love

[alatismeni-theitsa]

In "KAOS" nothing is anything, and everything is wrong

Two disclaimers: I am no stranger to modern art, and I have no issue with queerness in shows, or in my own mythology (I'm Greek). I am also aware that KAOS is a comedy. It's in the gutter of British comedy, but still part of the genre. At least I laughed every time they said "Oh God!". I don't believe this is the same person who wrote the great and amusing "End of the F**king World"! The premise of "The gods in our modern world" appeals to me a lot, so that wasn't my problem either. My general issue with KAOS is its horrible delivery, bad writing, and piss-poor Greek representation.

This is gonna be long and full of stupid gifs, so sit comfortably, grab a coffee or some popcorn and... pame!

The "ILoveGreekMythology" Kid

Art without context is just a pretty thing to look at. Most of the time, this context can be found within the art piece itself, as the artist has taken care to weave it in. KAOS refuses to connect itself to any context besides the names and a few vague powers. It aims to exist outside of those "boring old stories of the Greek myth" and be entirely "fresh and modern". Something impossible when the entire show and the meanings are based on ancient recorded material. In other words, KAOS is so meta that it ends up being nothing. KAOS cannot stand on its own because you need more than the viewers being familiar with the Greek myth basics to pull such a show off.

KAOS tells us "See? I know all the names of the gods, and what they did, and I know all the locations, so I am qualified to tackle this". More or less like any Western kid who takes all their knowledge from PJO and Marvel and proceeds to unironically hate ancient deities and make a girlboss out of Medusa.

Here's a Greek word for you guys, ημιμάθεια, meaning "half-knowledge". Α Greek saying very well declares "Half-knowledge is worse than no knowledge". The confidence of thinking you know enough often leads you to grave mistakes whereas the humility of not knowing prevents you from touching shit that you shouldn't. When you have no idea what the original myth is trying to say and spit on its meaning, knowing a few names and locations is just smoke and mirrors. I don't believe the audience fell for that.

And don't get me started on the "subversions". A good subversion is intriguing and thought-provoking. In KAOS, every twist was hollow - Greek myth related or otherwise.

"What if Euridice doesn't love Orpheus?" I don't know, babe. What if??? What was the point of that? What did you show us? That women's stories are dominated by men and men don't listen to women, perhaps? And you chose to twist... the love story of Orpheus and Euridice to show this?? One of the best and most tragic love stories Greek mythology has to offer?? You just mocked the myth, you didn't make anything profound out of it.

The Greek Stuff (Nothing salvageable)

I was surprised to see they had a Consulting Producer (Georgia Christou) and an Assistant Script Editor (Isabella Yianni) who happen to be Greek. And I stress that because those people probably weren't hired or utilized for being Greek. We are not sure they were involved in cultural decisions because we have no evidence and because shows with no Greek elements can have more Greeks than that on their staff.

Okay, perhaps they took 5 seconds to ask Isabella about a greeting - which they proceeded to say in a wrong intonation 🙄🤌It's where Poseidon says "ya sás" in the Fates, by the way. How he said it sounds more like "for you (pl.)" than "health to you (pl.)".

Surprise! The only Greek actor present (Peter Polycarpou) has less than 5 minutes of screen time and plays the caricature of an immigrant with a thick (and inaccurate Greek) accent. He has a canteen, selling falafel which is not Greek, and Dionysus buys from him an unidentified tortilla wrap (which... is also not Greek, if you haven't caught up).

For the show they brought in actors of Maori, Nigerian and Sierra Leonean, Pakistani, Black American, Latvian-Jewish, Iranian, Egyptian, Indo-Fijian and Malay descent and you tell me it was impossible for them to seek and find an English-speaking, skilled actor of Greek descent in a show regarding Greek heritage. Sometimes I wonder, do y'all hate us so much?

They considered Greeks only to give us a simple (and wrong) greeting and a stereotype. Crumbs, we are supposed to be happy with. By the way, there are over 70.000 Greek immigrants just in the UK, usually in the urban centers, many of them students or fairly young employees in the corporate workforce. Not the largest minority but not hard to spot either.

Another plague of Anglophone shows: Almost everyone's Greek name is shortened. Yes, we know their full names but we are told that we will use the short ones. Greeks and their "long and difficult" names am I right fellas? Because saying "Ariadne" apparently requires 5 years of Greek language training, and no English word ever has more than two syllables.

Coincidentally, short names are cool in Anglophone imaginary universes and the "long" names are not. it's so strange Anglophones never make universes where it's cool for Greek names to be spoken in full hmmm... They don't even want to practice saying a whole Greek name for just 2 minutes in preparation for a show full of Greek names. And don't give me that "Greek is hard" shit when we only talk about a few syllables. If Greek kids can learn English since first grade and people here can sing English songs and spell English names, you have no excuse.

They also said the name "Fotis" means light, which is close enough but... ugh.. It's like saying Sebastian means "respect". I am not sure if they asked anyone or what their research was here. If I had the writers in front of me, I'd be like:

(This character from an all-time favorite Greek show is called Fotis)

They also made the flag of "Krete" an alteration of the Greek flag and the local Cretan flag. Which is the stupidest move, because they had to remove the religious symbol of the cross to make the flag fit the universe. These are flags created based on 1) Christianity 2) the Greek Revolution of 1821.

National Greek flag to the left, local Cretan flag to the right:

Flag of the KAOS' "Krete":

The only time they seriously took into account anything Greek, was the time when they decided to remove the religious symbol of our ethnoreligion AND (from what I could observe) keep the nine stripes?? The nine stripes of our national flag represent the syllables in "Freedom or Death". The colors are from the white foustanela of the mainland attire and the dark blue vraka of the island attire, the clothing of the Revolution fighters. (That's more of a meta explanation but the characteristics of the flag were decided during and nearly after the Revolution.)

I think I don't have to explain it more but it's not a homage to put the nine stripes in an ancient era where they have no meaning, and to replace a cross??? Let's... not replace religious symbols on national flags, okay? Thank you.

Another cultural element they changed was making everyone have a dedicated coin to pay Charon. Orpheus has Euridice's coin, "her coin", and he's meant to put it on her before she got buried. In Greek culture, any coin would do. Sorry that our culture restricts your script, dear writers. I guess you had to bend this too, in order to create a cohesive plot with a semblance of a twist.

Finally, the many "Kerberus" dogs were cute and I can understand the creative decision behind that. However, in a show full of inaccuracies, this made me roll my eyes a little. I think the showrunners know that Kerveros is not a breed of dog, and there can only be one of him because he doesn't have any other "Kerveros" to breed with. On the other hand, as demonstrated from art/writing on the internet, quite a lot of Westerners are not exactly aware of how our monsters work, so forgive my uncertainty 😅

Nothing is Anything

Every element KAOS played with ended up meaningless. In the words of a Lifo article:

“Zeus is a paranoid authoritarian dictator in mid-life crisis who fears losing his power and murders his aides to vent. Hera is a promiscuous goddess who repeatedly betrays Zeus and has mutilated mute priestesses for protection. Dionysos is a spoiled and immature zoomer who, apart from pranks, indulges in orgies with all genders. Poseidon a sadistic god of the sea, who tortures the crew on his ship for fun. Prometheus is gay and killed his lover so he could overthrow Zeus. Orpheus is a famous pop singer and Eurydice does not love him. Theseus is black and gay. The Erinyes are tough-as-nails mechs that look like they stepped out of ‘Sons of Anarchy’. The Fates resemble a three-member jury in a talent show. The Trojans are a terrorist group that acts against the gods. Crete is more reminiscent of California than the Mediterranean.”

The "River Styx" is a sea, the "River Lethe" is a lake, the gods are nothing more than spoiled humans, the Moirai are drag queens, the Cave is a club where you have to take a quiz to enter the underworld, and generally everything is modern, flat, mundane and anticlimactic. The producers aimed to achieve a work so meta that a "river" is now a concept, a metaphor, whatever you have in your heart. And those who want to see a river when we speak of a river are probably uncultured swines and don't understand postmodernism. Never mind that rivers are rivers in Greek mythology for a reason. That's not culturally interesting enough to explore compared to the new, cool approach of not assigning meaning to anything. That totally shows love for the original rich and meaningful material...

And the reason behind all this subversion? Probably the shock factor. They brought the characters to a point where they said "We have to save the world from Zeus" - Zeus! The father of gods, heroes and humans! - just because they could. It gives off a certain type of smugness that I personally don't like. I mean, I would like the smugness and cheekiness of KAOS if it wasn't a vapid and practically meaningless show. As nothing symbolizes anything anymore, we are just led from hollow plot point to hollow plot point.

If you cut it out of any cultural influence and see it as a story then it's... okay, I guess. But when you consider that it's meant to derive from certain material and it fails spectacularly, it's not a good story. It forgets its bases and doesn't play with the ancient elements at all. Disney's Hercules did it better, FFS!

Bad Writing (pt.1)

KAOS is not without recognizable themes but their demonstration is so juvenile and heavy-handed that it fails to influence a viewer of average intelligence. For instance, "Riddy" says to her religious mother "You dedicated your whole life to Hera, what about me?" Okay, KAOS, we get it. At the same time, this theme nulls itself because it turns out that Ridy's mother was right to do what she did, as she had a greater goal in mind. (And this, kiddos, is called Bad Writing, because your themes and scenes contradict each other)

The biggest theme I spotted was a criticism of religion and religious people who say "Do as I say, not as I do" and create exceptions for themselves. Only, it's not a criticism of anything real, in this case. It's a fact that some people in the clergy tend to preach peace and love and then they do harm, but we don't know, for example, that The Goddess of Marriage is a cheater and yet she pressures everyone into strict marriages. By focusing their wrath on divine beings who are not known for their hypocrisy, the creators missed the mark.

I can give KAOS props for how it handled Trojans to reflect real issues regarding how immigrants and war refugees are mistreated and blamed. I'd argue it was the only (nearly) well-done theme in the whole show because it had the least on-the-nose delivery and some genuine/serious scenes. But that's it.

More Bad Writing!

Jeff Goldblum's Zeus is shit. He'd crap his pants in an argument with a stern Greek dad/uncle his age. Is this character supposed to be intimidating? (Laughs in Mediterranean) That's not to say that Goldblum is not a good actor, but this role wasn't for him. The same can be said for the other actors, too. They are competent but they only give off the air of "The Greek gods if they lived in London, from the minds of people who think beards and body hair are an affliction". In addition to being misplaced, the actors cannot show their talent when following a script that resembles a children's book.

Why does THE GOD Dionysus have the maturity of a 15-year-old? I repeat, The God Dionysus. He's a freaking deity, and a very old one at that. He is not a teenager neither in appearance nor in experience. In our culture, he is mystical, mighty, wise. Why did they downgrade him so? Just for the plot? This is not Dionysus just because you named him so.

The dialogue rarely takes itself seriously to the point it has you wondering at times "Do people talk and behave like that?". In a comedy where everything is meant to be already extreme and parodied. Even in comedies, something must occasionally be serious so there is a healthy fluctuation in tone and the funny moments can hit you. In KAOS very few scenes treated their impactful dialogue as it should be treated.

The queerness and diversity (good elements, in general) were worse off for being in KAOS. Like, I want these elements to be there. I'm just sad about the whole situation. It's not enough that the show is shit, now you also give an additional reason for conservatives to shit on diverse and queer characters because they are part of a stupid narrative.

I'm the type of person who doesn't mind the queerness of Astyanax and Theseus being lovers in the context of this specific show but they're still the oddest pairing to me because they're from the most irrelevant myths and eras. Also, Astyanax in my mind is a baby who died tragically, for little reason if we are honest, so to bring him back and make him a love interest is... ekh.

In addition, isn't Astyanax supposed to be crippled after a fall from the city walls when he was a baby? Sorry to change subjects but the show is so convoluted and with so many issues that it's extremely difficult to stay on track with what's wrong.

To the person who thought this show was a good idea:

Whatever. Bye. I'm fucking done.

[mercymermaid]

obligatory 2:30 am willry ramble (cw mentioned homophobia, nothing big)

In the beginning, they were best business buddies, friends that met in college and hit it off immediately, yadda yadda yadda. They found their respective ladies, got married, had kids, and decided to put their little restaurant plans from back in college into action (fuck fall fest).

There wasn't anything super special between them at the time. They were loyal to their wives, and saw each other as nothing but best friends, the type you'd sleep with in the same bed, no homo style. They'd seen each other nearly naked in the springlock suits, shared the last bottle of beer, all that normal bestie stuff.

Then their wives fell right out of the picture. Death, divorce, whatever it was, it left both Henry and William reeling, both lacking that figure that you're supposed to cherish and love until the end, their respective families now left with a gaping, person-sized hole smack in the center.

In an effort to rebuild and move past, that closeness evolved into something slightly more intimate. Resting together on the couch turned into cuddly naps, trying to figure out how to bake (as the men in relationships that sparked at latest in the 70s) turned into a partner activity, and where they'd work on opposite sides of their little workshop before, one would find himself massaging the other's aching back while watching over his shoulder and criticizing his work.

They never put a name to it, nor did they even try to. They were drowning in paperwork and business and robots and dealing with angsty teenagers and hyper children, so they never bothered to realize what had sparked between them. It felt perfectly normal, and with how popular they were in town, everyone assumed the same. In a time where homosexuals were looked down upon, it'd be foolish to assume the most successful businessmen in the area would fall to such sins.

It was great, until, as it always does, shit hits the fan. The Bite of '83 happened, and William spiraled right into the deep end. He changed. He became colder, more distant, and while at first Henry tried to brush this off as deep-set grief, it only grew and grew. No matter what Henry tried, he couldn't prevent William changing.

Then came Charlie's death. It hit Henry straight out of left field, as you'd assume the death of a child would, and now he was left scrambling for nothing, left to rot in the middle of a raging ocean with no driftwood to hold onto. William was the same, though rather than an ocean of despair, he was in the burning pits of insanity, and while Henry kept swimming, desperate to save himself from drowning, William embraced it, drinking the flames and allowing the blaze to scorch him from the inside and out.

Opposites attract, usually. After all, at first, William was the stuck-up, charming, professional British man, with a resting bitch face and a face so pale, it looked as if he had never seen the sun, while Henry was boisterous and outgoing, the dad friend, Southern and tanned from a life in the sun.

But when Henry eventually put together the pieces as William's mind fell further apart, not even the basic laws of physics and fate could rescue them. By the time he figured out the whole story, the place in his heart reserved for his best friend had filled in, gone with no trace left behind besides a faint grief of what they once had.

William's heart, on the other hand, had shattered. His youngest son was dead, Elizabeth was dead, Michael had abandoned him, and all he had left was what Henry used to be to him. Internally, as he was killed and burnt and killed and burnt time and time again, he didn't know what he wanted. As regrets rotted and festered for decades alongside him, all he could think about was that he wanted to feel Henry's hug again. He wanted to rekindle what they once had, even if deep inside, he knew damn well it would never happen.

When Henry created the fake restaurant to lure William in, it was... an emotional disaster. Obviously, it tends to be such when the culmination of decades of death and revenge and disaster all go up in literal flames, and you see your long-gone children one last time, but when you place two former lovers in a room, one that's moved on and one that's glued to his spot, it doesn't go well. Henry felt no remorse, because what he saw in front of him as the temperature rose wasn't the man he cherished. It was a monster, from the same pits of hell that William fell prey to. But what William saw was the same man, unchanged and undefeated, exactly the same as what he had once loved, and as Henry's speech rang out through the restaurant and Cassidy prepared herself to play god, he wasn't scared. He was broken.

okay yeah idk what that was i hope it was coherent 😭

[transfemmbeatrice]

beatrice muchadoaboutnothing is a trans woman: a brief treatise

thematically, i think in a play about the social vulnerability of women, having a character be a trans woman just makes sense as a way to provide depth to that idea. specifically, i love the concept of beatrice's view of men being informed by her own experiences as a closeted trans woman (it's amazing what people will say in front of you when they think you're one of them) and as someone later facing sexism and transmisgoyny.

usually when someone does a trans reading of this play/character, they look at beatrice's famous speech about wishing she was a man and interpret her as a trans man, which is perfectly valid! but this idea started for me with the simple thought that i wanted an out and accepted trans character to play with rather than a closeted one who cannot transition, just as a matter of personal preference at that particular time and with this particular text. but then i kept thinking.

as above, the concept of beatrice reading men for filth in the context of having lived among them is great. the "oh god that i were a man" speech is extremely disparaging of men and what they claim to be vs how they actually wield their power. what she wishes is that she had the power that men have automatically in her society--felt all the more keenly because there was a time when she was able to wield that power and she gave it up to be happy, to be herself, to be free in a different way. (here is where i sometimes imagine beatrice regretting ever transitioning, believing that her own happiness and health is less important than having the power to protect hero's happiness and health, because i love angst.) but now that the worst has happened, she is reduced to begging a man for help and it's demeaning and infuriating and tragic.

i also love turning on its head the line "i cannot be a man with wishing, therefore i will die a woman with grieving." being a trans person, dealing with internalized transphobia, knowing that transitioning will put a target on your back, wishing you could just be the gender you're born as--but no amount of wishing will make her not a woman. i think she loves herself and her gender but the play is focusing on points of conflict so that's what i'm talking about here.

in a play about misogyny, the vulnerability of women, and the hypocrisy of men, a trans woman has a unique perspective on both masculinity and femininity both as genders and places in society. (in the ideal version, i think john would be a trans man to mirror this experience, but that would require him to be rewritten to have actual depth and personality and all that is a different essay). there is also just a particular kind of strength that comes from having to carve out and defend your identity in that way which i think fits her very well.

lastly, a couple of other miscellaneous things from the text that can tie in:

beatrice recounting "a double heart for his single one" meaning both "i loved him twice as much as he loved me" and "i loved him as two people: [birthname] and beatrice"

benedick insisting he wouldn't marry her even if "she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed." Adam, not Eve. in MY illustrious opinion, this is benedick saying "i don't care HOW big her dick is i'm NOT gonna marry her."

[cosmo-watches-movies]

Wilde (1997)

Triggerwarning: Homophobia, Sex (in the movie, not depicted in this blogpost)

Plot: A part of Oscar Wilde’s life story.

Spoilers beyond this

Michael plays Robbie Ross, a good friend to Oscar Wilde and, delicately put, his first male lover.

Following are my incoherent thoughts as I was watching the movie: (some gifs for context, for the other parts watch the movie and you'll get it)

starting out chill with Oscar meeting his future wife

oh who might this dashing young fella be?

lol that didn’t work did it?

Nevermind it did work

I was so not prepared for this

This guy has a lot of thoughts in his head and none of them are holy

Bitch what

If someone looked at me like that I’d instantly fall for them too. Man brought his A-Game

Oh my god this is going too fast even for me and I’m just watching

Why would you give him lines like that?

(I refuse to clip the next part, I don't know who might read this)

What in the what I barely got into the movie, why would you do this to me

I have questions

I have so many emotions at once right now I actually feel a bit sick

I’m 16 Minutes in and my heart is breaking at the thought of where this might be going

Okay, I got used to the fact that I am actually watching a movie about gay men

Me watching a movie about a gay author: （☆ω☆ ）

Me when theres actual portayal of intimacy between men: （○ □ ○ ）

I swear I’m so normal about this.

Wtf Oscar why would you drop Robbie like that. I get that this was an affair, but like this? He picked that other guy up like an apple from a tree.

Watch Robbie take this like the king he is

Oscar met yet another guy (Bosie) and seems to fall in love with him and guy #2 litterally wants to khs and/or Bosie, while Robbie has only respect, acceptance and love to give.

lol taste of your own medicie, huh?

I hate Bosie

I love Robbie

Drama between Bosie and Wilde, which results in Oscar being sentenced to two years in prison

Oof that speech Oscar held in court tho, right in the feels

Robbie is an absolute treasure of a person. Get yourself a man like him. Don’t settle for less.

Wtf all this stress and heartbreak for Oscar and Bosie to break up after three months, the world is a cruel place

- End of incoherent thoughts-

That was heartbreaking in so many ways. The main story obviously is unbelievably tragic but we shall focus on other things. There are a lot of strong performances in this movie, the whole cast was quite good. You can strongly feel the love Robbie has for Oscar, he has this soft tone when he talks to or about him, he wants him to be happy even if it means that he himself wont be. He accepts that Oscar doesn’t love him the same way and still supports his friend under any circumstances. It's not just in the dialouge, it's also in the way Robbie talks to and looks at Oscar. He’s pure kindness, love and devotion.

He cares so much for him it's breaking my poor little heart :c

On a less serious note, my guy really went ahead and had his first on-screen kiss be a gay kiss!?! Fuckin hell! And he did so well! Icon, king, legend, right from the start!

Because there aren't enough gifs in this already, have some more little moments I enjoyed :3

✨Puppy dog eyes✨

Good save xD

Why would you hold it like that?

I don't even know why, just thought he looked dashing in this scene

Me too, Robbie, me too.

I probably could've written more, but that wouldn't do the movie and characters justice. Bosie's full brattiness alone is something I couldn't even capture in gifs. Kudos to Jude Law, he really made me hate that character. He's the exact opposite of Robbie. They had only two scenes together I think, but it's awesome to see their personalities clash.

I’d say you should check this movie out, especially if you’re lgbt+ yourself obviously. And then go ahead and read Oscar Wildes works, they're queer history and in general important literature anyone should know.

At the end of this I have learned that I, in fact, don’t hate love drama, I just like it if it's gay. And preferably has a certain actor in it.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo (Part I)

ALL-AMERICAN BITCH

I pay attention to things that most people ignore.

I'm alright with the movies that make jokes 'bout senseless cruelty, that's for sure.

I am built like a mother and a total machine.

I feel for your every little issue.

I make light of the darkness.

I've got sun in my motherfuckin' pocket.

I forgive, and I forget.

I know my age, and I act like it.

I got class and integrity.

I'm a perfect all-American bitch.

I know my place, and this is it.

I don't get angry when I'm pissed.

I'm the eternal optimist. I scream inside to deal with it.

Oh my fucking god.

I'm grateful all the time.

I'm sexy, and I'm kind.

I'm pretty when I cry.

BAD IDEA RIGHT?

Haven't heard from you in a couple of months.

I'm out right now and I'm all fucked up.

I'm sensing some undertone.

I'm right here with all my friends.

You're sending me your new address?

I know we're done.

I know we're through

God, when I look at you...

I should probably not.

It's a bad idea, right?

Fuck it, it's fine.

Yes, I know that he's my ex.

Can't two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend.

The biggest lie I ever said.

I just tripped and fell into his bed.

I know I should stop, but I can't.

I told my friends I was asleep.

I never said where or in whose sheets.

I'm sure I've seen much hotter men, but I really can't remember when.

VAMPIRE

How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?

Just what you wanted.

Look at you, cool guy, you got it.

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes.

Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise.

I loved you truly.

You gotta laugh at the stupidity.

I've made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst one look fine.

I should've known it was strange.

I used to think I was smart, but you made me look so naive.

You sold me for parts as you sunk your teeth into me.

Every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad news.

God, I hate the way I called them crazy too.

You're so convincing

How do you lie without flinching?

Can't figure out just how you do it and god knows I never will.

Went for me and not her 'cause girls your age know better.

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard?

You can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart.

I tried to help you out.

How you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand.

LACY

Skin like puff pastry.

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

Did I ever tell you that I’m not doin' well?

Like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time.

It takes over my life.

I see you everywhere.

The sweetest torture one could bear.

I'm losin’ it lately.

I feel your compliments likе bullets on skin.

Aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

Like ribbons in your hair, my stomach's all in knots.

You got the one thing that I want.

It's like you're made of angel dust.

It's like you're out to get me.

You poison every little thing that I do

I just loathe you lately.

I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you.

I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you.

BALLAD OF A HOMESCHOOL GIRL

I don't think I get along with anyone.

I'm on the outside of the greatest inside joke.

Feels like my skin doesn't fit right over my bones.

So I guess I should go...

The party's done, and I'm no fun.

I told secrets I shouldn't tell.

I stumbled over all my words.

I made it weird.

I made it worse.

Each time I step outside, it's social suicide.

I laughed at the wrong time.

I talkеd to this hot guy, swore I was his type.

Guess that he was makin' out with boys, like, the whole night.

Everything I do is tragic.

Every guy I like is gay.

Oh, god, what did I say?

I'm shocked I'm still alive.

MAKING THE BED

Want it, so I got it.

Another thing I ruined I used to do for fun.

I thought it, so I said it.

Another day pretending I'm older than I am.

Another perfect moment that doesn't feel like mine.

Another thing I forced to be a sign.

Sometimes I feel like I don't wanna be where I am.

Push away all the people who know me the best.

It's me who's been makin' the bed.

I'm so tired of bein' the girl that I am.

Every good thing has turned into somethin' I dread.

I'm playin' the victim so well in my head.

I read somewhere it's 'cause my life feels so out of control.

I tell someone I love them just as a distraction.

They tell me that they love me like I'm some tourist attraction.

They're changin' my machinery, and I just let it happen.

I got the things I wanted, it's just not what I imagined.

Counting all of the beautiful things I regret.

[dreaming-through-lines]

a probably coincidental symbolic reading of FIGS as symbols of tragedy in The Song of Achilles

So, before I write anything, I just want to get one thing clear: I'm not a Christian, I have a degree in History and one in Translation. What I mean is, don't take this as me trying to push any Christian message - the following analysis is literally just a curious thing I came across while translating and thought "oh, this is kinda cool"! I don't know if Madeline Miller intended to make this connection, hence the title. She's a very intelligent person, but would she include Medieval/Renaissance Christian symbolism in a book centered in Ancient Greece? It seems unlikely, but hey, I can't know for sure. Anyway, this could've been on purpose or it could've been a concidence!

-

Spoilers for The Song of Achilles (and consequently The Iliad, I guess?).

When I searched about the symbolism of figs in The Song of Achilles, a source showed up saying that they were " a symbol of the youthful love and ripeness of Achilles and Patroclus (…) These boyish indulgences are symbolic of the sexual love that develops between the young men ", which YES, absolutely! Figs were also attributes of Dionysus and Priapus, both associated with sexuality. Later in History, figs ended up becoming a symbol of lust in Christian tradition because of their connection with these two gods.

But here is the part where it gets interesting! Because of this association with lust, figs started to show up in certain paintings as the forbidden fruit, instead of the apple! We can see that, for example, in a portrayal of Adam and Eve by Raffaello Santi in the Vatican. Eve offers Adam a fig. As the story goes, Eve is tempted into eating the forbidden fruit and then gets Adam to do the same... they are cast out of the Garden of Eden together, "doomed" to not enter Paradise again. Christian doctrine especially emphasizes this moment as the fall of man and the original sin.

So, if we were to look at The Song of Achilles with this in mind, couldn't we read a message of tragic doom in figs?

In Chapter 4, Achilles throws a fig to Patroclus and Patroclus takes a bite out of it, something that kind of parallels Eve giving Adam the forbidden fruit. If figs can be seen as a symbol of their love for each other... doesn't that, in a way, mirror Eve dooming Adam by giving him the forbidden fruit? Achilles unknowingly dooms Patroclus by falling in love with him... especially since Achilles' prophecy was to die a hero, he was "doomed first", in the same way Eve was doomed first by being the first one to be tempted.

And also, this idea of the fall, this expulsion, curiously also kind of leads to Adam and Eve only having each other (at least until some point). Similarly, Achilles and Patroclus are a duo, a couple and they live for each other and rise and fall together, regardless of whoever or whatever comes.

That's all, I don't have a huge conclusion to this - just thought it was interesting and wanted to share.

[wr0temyway0ut]

Hey dude hey, okay so I want to know about so so many of this but pretty please tell me about king boy alex who’s having lots of emotions 🙏🏻

Thank you for the ask Kyleigh!!

This au my beloved <3 It's my unhinged poly arranged marriage royalty au (I actually have 2 of those but this one is my favorite).

So basically how it goes is Prince Alexander's parents decide he needs to be married so they arrange a marriage between him and Princess Lucinda (aka Luke), who is trans but not out to his parents. And their whole honeymoon is Alex being like "oh no I can't get to close bc she actually likes me but I'm gay" and Luke being like "oh no I really like him but he must be pushing me away bc he knows I'm not a woman" and then they both accidentally confess to each other and actually fall in love now that they know they're both men interested in men.

But then Alex's parents find out that Luke is a man (and is intent on living as one) and since royals can't get divorced, they decide to tell the kingdom that "Princess Lucinda" has died tragically in her sleep, which allows Luke to transition (Alex's parents are against this part but Luke's parents ended up being supportive so they were kinda forced to go along with it).

But Alex is once again wifeless. So they decide, okay, you blew it with the "princess," so the next best thing is marrying Duke Covington's daughter, Lady Wilhelmina (aka Willie). Alex is planning on telling Willie that he's gay in an attempt to get him to call the marriage off, but he realizes almost immediately how abusive Caleb is and tells Willie "look I will marry you to get you out of there but I need you to know I'm gay and this is my husband who used to be my wife." And Willie is like "thank god bc I'm a man too" and Alex and Luke are like "a man you say 👀 did we happen to mention how handsome you are" and they bring Willie into their relationship. When Willie is ready, they tell Alex's parents that Alex's wife is once again his husband now and they tell the kingdom that Princess Wilhelmina has tragically died in a fire (he was a known arson enthusiast).

Aaand once again Alex needs a new wife bc there are still no heirs (and any made with Luke and Willie would be illegitimate). Alex's parents are running out of eligible women, but they meet Duchess Regina Peters (who runs the estate with her twin brother Reggie, or at least that's what Reggie, who is genderfluid and is also Regina, wants the world to think). And they're like you seem female and eligible will you marry our son. And Reggie's like yeah sure why not, except when he finds out Alex is gay he shows up to the wedding in Man Mode and it starts a riot but Alex finds a way to make the marriage go through anyway (maybe that they put Regina on the marriage certificate idk). And then two weeks later "Duchess Regina" is tragically trampled by sheep.

Alex's parents are exhausted. They're furious. They're 99% convinced Alex has hired a witch to turn all his fiances into men. And they're like fuck it. This time you pick a woman (bc maybe he's turning them all into men bc he doesn't like that his parents picked them.) And Alex sees an opportunity here. Bc back when Luke first came out, Alex's sister had a lady in waiting named Robin. And Robin had confided in Luke and Alex that he was trans as well. And so when Alex's parents say "you pick" he immediately points at Bobby and says "That one." (important to note that he did not consult with Bobby on this beforehand, Bobby nearly chokes on his food). And after they get married, Bobby comes out and suddenly Lady Robin has tragically drowned.

So now Alex has four husbands who are also in love with each other and still no wives, and it's at this point that Lady Julie (Luke's lady-in-waiting who just kinda stuck around after Luke's legal death) is like "You know I'd marry you to get your parents off your back right?"

And so Julie and Alex get married, and after she stays a woman for a year Alex's parents finally relax. And then Julie gets pregnant! And they're so happy that they finally step down and let Alex take the throne. Except... how is Julie pregnant? And when she gives birth, why does the baby look nothing like Alex??

Maybe bc after wedding #3 Reggie mentioned to Alex that he has a friend from school who is a trans woman named Flynn. And maybe Alex decided to hire her as his new royal advisor to give her an opportunity to transition. And maybe just maybe she and Julie fell in love.

And THAT is the tale of King Alexander, his four undead husbands, his wife, his wife's wife, and the royal-ish baby they're all raising together

[landfilloftrash]

@friendly-books oh god I'm about to have three nickels-- sorry for the entire post dedicated to this but I needed to explain in a way that was not about to be limited by character reply limit; ok how to explain-- so in Les Mis there are two characters that feature throughout the book; these two men are Javert and Jean Valjean.

Javert is a blueprint character; the inspiration for Donald Morgan if that explains his character for you (specifically). He is an inspector/cop and he follows the law to the very letter. Extremely Lawful Neutral. Extraordinarily earnest bootlicker; he genuinely thinks that is what he should do for the betterment of society.

Valjean is literally just a guy. Extremely strong and clever guy, "rough mind with a gentle heart", but still just a guy. This was a guy who broke a law when he was like 27, went to prison for 19 years, and when he got out broke parole and commits crimes for the betterment of other peoples lives (like breaking into houses and giving money in the dead of night during his stint as mayor). He's a big sweetheart with a whole lot of issues and PTSD. Where Javert is described as being so honest that you can look into his eyes and see all the way to the bottom of his conscience, Valjean is very secretive and keeps his emotions very close to his chest, not even letting his daughter know how he feels. He's a very sad old man. I love him.

But the reason I say "tragic/toxic old man yaoi" on that post is because throughout the book you can get the sense that Javert has.. a bit of a crush. Just a smidgen. Referring to Valjean as his convict, and watching him flee (thinking he had him caught [he did not because Valjean is extremely slippery and VERY GOOD AT ESCAPING THE LAW; specifically Javert]) simply because seeing him free was interesting to him. For example, one of my favorite lines is

"When he had so unexpectedly encountered Jean Valjean on the banks of the Seine, there had been in him something of the wolf which regains his grip on his prey, and of the dog who finds his master again."

Girl there are so many things wrong with you (breathless w/ affection)

But meanwhile Valjean sees him as a doggishly persistent hound/slave of the law chasing him all the while. Javert gets alllll the dog motifs. It's very funny because it's a resigned if slightly terrified "ah its this guy again, the one guy who knows my entire history" while he's running for his life.

But back on track (ahah get it), Javert has a chapter called "Javert Derailed" where he basically realizes that arresting Valjean when all he does is good would be morally incorrect, but NOT arresting Valjean would be LAWFULLY incorrect, so what's he supposed to do??; He is stuck in between a mental rock and a hard place-- so he chooses the third option of "well I refuse to be in a world where I'm forced to make that choice of letting a good man live his life and still be cop due to it being against the law"; Death. Now throughout the book, Victor Hugo points very viciously at the blue curtains with references to drowning men, the blue of the state (uniform), and water in slightly oblique ways. Which is how we come back to the yin and yang thing due to he dies. Another thing about Javert is he's very passionate about what he does and does things I associate with bright fire, and how can you douse fires? Water. So he would be Yang (aggressive, independent, self-sufficient, associated with the heaven [in the book, specifically with the archangel michael, and then of course he Fell, so Lucifer], with the center of Yin). Yin would be Valjean (quiet, aloof, earth, winter, but with center of Yang).

I hope this was coherent I'm so sorry if this is what gets you into this fandom; we have cookies

[greenrow]

The song of Achilles rant by a sleep deprived person!

-----------Spoiler warning for the content of The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Please correct if i say something incorrectly here. It's 4 am and my brain won't shut up about this and I'm saying all of this at the top of my head.

Please remember that this is just my opinion. I promise im not actually mad about this /srs

As much as i love tsoa it's not a perfect book. It has its fair share of flaws

I have a major issue about how some characters are portrayed in the book and i think out of the entire cast Patroclus gets it the worst.

I do not like the "uwu shy boy" vibes Patroclus gives throughout the book. This is not a "oh no, somone looked slightly bad at me, im going to cry over here now since it hurt my feelings" sort of guy. He is a "i could kill you if i wanted to, but you're really worthy of that much effort" sort of guy. My man was a badass.

Patroclus was a warrior and a doctor.

He killed another child when he was but a kid over a game of dice.

He killed twelve men alone (one of them being a son of ZEUS) when he was pretending to be Achilles.

He almost infiltrated troy ALONE but Apollo stopped him from doing so.

Hector was able to kill him since he was already weakened by Apollo's interference.

A actual GOD had to get directly involved to stop patroclus from getting into Troy's walls.

And he was trained by Chiron, he was a terrific medic.

When Achilles refused to fight any longer for a Agamemnon's battle that was made worse because of his pride, Patroclus took apon himself to take care of his fellow comrades. If it weren't for his help and medical knowledge it's most likely the Greeks would of had to deal with way more casualties.

I feel the need to emphasize this:

Patroclus was not a damsel in distress. He was not in need of Achilles's contant protection as Miller portrays him as.

Patroclus was Achilles's partner both in love and in battle for a reason.

I would say this is my biggest beef with tsoa to be honest. But like i said i love this book. It's one of my favourites. And i can excuse all that i mentioned before and have an actual good time reading this books because of a couple of reasons.

For starters miller's way of describing things and telling a story is really nice to me. Like i could feel Patroclus's emotions as if they were my own. I could feel, touch, taste his love for Achilles.

And besides tsoa is a retelling of an epic written by a poet who was writing about a story of a war (based on a historical event that may or may not have happen). All of this, Achilles and Patroclus's relationship, the war over helen, Odysseus, might not even have happen. So why be upset over a piece of fiction.

If you wanted an accurate depiction of the trojan war and of Achilles and Patroclus you would read the source material. The Iliad. (Which you should totally do if you haven't already, it's a classic for a reason).

At the end of the day it's still a story. A retelling of a relationship detailed in the original source.

A good tragic love story about two men who loved each other so much that they would know eachother even in death.

To the point where they were made of memories.

[blood-mocha-latte]

ok sending ask from my main acct but its ur girl antigonikk…. ur fic and i swear we were infinite….need to know 🩵💋🥰💕🇺🇸💅

fic ask game

my sole, unhinged harringrove fic (thank you love!)

my favorite scene

“That so?” Steve prompts slowly, when Hargrove doesn’t elaborate. He probably shouldn’t play into Hargrove’s palm, knows he doesn’t say anything kind for free and hardly ever charges anything, but, well.

He left his cigarettes back at the reserve trench, he supposes this is the next best thing.

“That’s so.” Hargrove repeats him, eyes still on the shoreline. “You need to be sturdy in water, otherwise it’ll pull you under. You never plant your feet, you’d be swept away.”

this was both the first thing i ever wrote for this beast, and the part i'm probably proudest of lol. it actually wasn't going to be in the Official Posted fic, but i loved it enough to include it in this. i feel like it's my solidification of both characters in a way that's satisfying to include (as a writer at least lmao) in a first chapter

my favorite chapter (if it's a multichapter)

chapter nine! my favorite part of the vietnam war has always been the study of guys Coming Home and what it was like to have no time to readjust to the us. it's about the Healing and Mental Health babes!!

hardest scene to write

He glances up at Steve Harrington again – whose attention is once more on Tommy Hagan – and looks down just as quickly. Takes one deep drag of the smoke before putting it out on his flak jacket.

(Two inches to the left, his mind tells him. Two inches to the left, and smoke and fire on skin. Back in California. Be nice, be simple.

Fuck simple, he tells himself, as viciously as he can.)

He pushes himself off the ground and grabs his tommy gun, arches his back to pop it. He can feel Harrington's eyes on him. 

MAKE WAR, NOT LOVE. He reminds himself.

MAKE WAR, NOT LOVE. His helmet supplies.

Do you believe it? Steve Harrington asks, all soft, hoarse vocals and shining skin.

Does it matter?

the entirety of chapter two is like this but OH MY GOD internal reflection is so fucking hard lmao. billy hargrove introspection you will always haunt me <3

favorite character to write in the fic

patrick mckinney my bestie my beloved. basically the entire fic was my excuse to write a love letter to patrick mckinney i won't lie

favorite dynamic to write in the fic

the (possible) munver was sooooo fun... they have a history, they're strange, they're incredibly volatile, they're both assholes, they end tragically and with no satisfaction.

there's actually a sequel from jason's pov but it is. so fucking sad lmao. A Single Snippet, for you???

There’s no happy ending for men like him. Jason doesn’t have to be wise to know that. Stories of men beaten to a pulp, chained by their wrists and ankles, locked to trucks and barrels and tractors and dragged, dead and bleeding, through cheering streets.

But Jason can’t even pretend to care about a happy ending when Eddie Munson smiles wide with dark eyes and curly hair. He can’t bear to pray for forgiveness when the sin he’s committing is so close to the heat of hell that it warms his ice cold heart.

Like the searing of a fiery scythe that slices right through his middle.

why I chose that title

this is written for a friend of mine, and the book perks of being a wallflower is their favorite book :)

a fun fact about the fic

i wrote it in one summer while working double shifts at a hospital lol. i fear you might be able to tell because sis my mind was WACK

[aviculor]

I'm watching Birth/Rebirth, the new release I mentioned. Because it just came out recently, I'm going to spoiler tag my thoughts.

Oh my god, Celie IS played by the same actress as Carla from Scrubs! Judy Reyes! I knew it!

Rose is like a female Herbert West but even more clinical and asocial. I love when a piece of media has a woman who is a mad scientist and an offputting freak. I'd let her masturbate me in the bathroom.

Celie and Lila's story is so incredibly sad and compelling. The way the last time Celie saw Lila was when she was dropping her off with Pauline so she could go to work, and Pauline couldn't contact Celie when Lila got sick, and when Celie's phone was working again she heard all the voicemails including a message from Lila...it tugs at your heartstrings. It's tragic.

I know how blatantly obvious it is that Rose stole Lila's body because that's literally the premise of the film, but her behavior is just comically incriminating. What, you didn't think far enough ahead to have an alibi for when someone asks you where the body went? Also, how dumb would Celie have looked chasing Rose down and waiting outside her apartment and forcing her way inside if Rose's behavior wasn't related to Lila's whereabouts?

"Your daughter's genetic profile made her a perfect candidate for an experimental treatment I've been working on." "For meningitis?" "For death."

Crossing all kinds of ethical lines, I love it.

"Dignity and motherhood don't always line up". Another great quote.

The symbolism that Rose ended up sacrificing her reproductive system to bring Lila back into this world is not lost on me. Lila was figuratively birthed again. Rebirthed, you might say. Coupled with how Lila seemed to stop recognizing Celie as her mother and Rose became uncharacteristically warm and nurturing towards Lila. Which is especially jarring considering how the aforementioned sacrifice was due to her repeatedly...umm, "homebrewing"...stem cell serum.

Basically, motherhood is the overarching theme of the whole film. It's interesting how Writer/Director Laura Moss took inspiration from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, as many people would interpret Victor and his creation as being father and son. This predicates that acts of "creating life" are all equal, be it birthing a baby or resuscitating a corpse. Which circles back around to what I just said about Rose effectively being Lila's second mother.

...Which segues into how Rose and Celie's situation has undertones of a same-sex relationship. Celie moves into Rose's apartment when she learns about Lila, the two begin caring for one another, they're both Lila's mothers in literal and figurative senses, and Rose (involuntarily) stops going to bars to give men handjobs and getting herself pregnant after the "relationship" starts. Rose does not come off as being attracted to men, being completely emotionless about collecting sperm samples as well as other small details that code her as a lesbian. But most egregiously, when Rose was hospitalized, Celie got the staff to break confidentiality by saying they lived together and that was met with "Oh. Oh."

The whole "What would a parent do to save their child?" Psychological Horror aspect that Pet Sematary had, this film is all that. Distilled, in spades, turned up to 11. I really liked it. I can't even spoil anything about the last act. Go watch it yourself. It wowed me a lot more than the last Shudder exclusive film I saw.

[latibvles]

SAD, BEAUTIFUL, TRAGIC.

beautiful, tragic // amen, amen, amen.

sometimes i can’t help blaming you for leaving me here, what am i supposed to do?

masterlist | gallery | taglist

TAGLIST: @liebgotts-lovergirl , @softguarnere , @monalisastwin , @brassknucklespeirs , @mads-weasley

WARNINGS: major character death , descriptions of bombings , civilian death , gore , etc.

SUMMARY: As Christmas Eve comes around, it proves challenging for the battered medics of Bastogne to find reason to celebrate — as General McAuliffe’s response reaps lethal consequence.

She used to love Christmas

Well… used to love wouldn’t be the right term. She still does — but Christmases at home, with her brother, with Ron, with warm fires and a belly full of food. It nearly slipped her mind that Christmas was tomorrow, until Laura slipped a coin on a string to her with a soft smile and a “Merry Christmas Eve, Lieutenant.” Daisy put it on, took note of the matching one hanging from Laura’s neck — and it was the first time she smiled that morning.

It’s been four days since they were cut off, and three days since another Aid Station opened down the road with staff from 82nd Airborne and 705th Tank Destroyer. Ironically, the opening of it is an astute reminder of the Army’s lackluster medical training — filled with green replacements who make mistakes that Daisy has to amend. She doesn’t know when it was agreed upon by the officers that the enlisted would come to her for any and all questions, but she has a feeling it has to do with the ones who don’t like her very much. Now it’s just another thing on the long list of responsibilities she has to shoulder.

When the skies cleared yesterday it did little to lift her mood — but the supply drop certainly helped. Still, with men coming up to her for questions on even the most self-explanatory of procedure or direction, her patience ran thin. Poor Sergeant Lipton became victim to her outburst;  she mistook him for another doe-eyed medic, but he took it in stride. He’d even cracked a joke, flashed her a smile, no harm, no foul.

“It’s bullshit and you know it, Charles.” Daisy spits out, her words sharp as they make their way down the street of the bombed out town. Lieutenant Phalen, or rather, Charles Phalen, as he asked her to call him, says nothing — so she continues. “I swear to God it’s like all those men learned was how to pester their goddamn nurses. And if Evans gives me that sideways glance one more time I’m gonna—”

“Tug his ear?” Daisy looks at him and shakes her head.

“Break his glasses.”

Charles takes a tentative glance towards the sky as an engine whirrs overhead, and Daisy looks up at it too. To her reluctant relief, she recognizes the black and white stars and stripes of the C-47. For two nights they’ve been getting hit with bombs all over town, and Daisy finds herself praying way more frequently now that the bombs don’t hit the church.

“Wonder where he’s headed,” Charles muses.

“Fiji, probably. Holiday vacations and all that.” She hears him snort beside her.

“You know a lot about vacations, Daisy?”

“Oh yeah — I’ve actually got a holiday foot massage in an hour with my best friend George Evans.” She fires back dryly, garnering another small laugh.

She can laugh and rant and curse all she likes, but none of it shakes this helpless feeling that’s long-since festered in her heart and taken root like a weed. There’s not much any of them can do, and Daisy hates that especially. That feeling that no matter how many people get back on their feet — it’ll never be enough. Trying not to give in to her own despair has proven harder as of late, with the crumbling buildings and civilian casualties demanding her attention.

The streets reek of rot. The air smells like smoke. The once-clear roads are littered with debris. It looks like the end of the world. She can only imagine what it’s like out on the line.

As they return to the Church, Daisy watches for a moment as they carry Smokey Gordon out by stretcher. They’d been so busy when he was brought in that morning, she couldn’t give Eugene more than a sympathetic look before she was being whisked away by her other duties. His eyes are half-lidded and his skin is sallow, but he’s alive, and he might get to go home. She feels Charles clap her shoulder and give it a squeeze.

“I’m gonna be with 82nd tonight, if you need anything.” He offers, and Daisy gives him a stiff nod.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She puts a hand over his and gives it a squeeze, before shaking it off to head back down into the stuffy Church, bursting at the seams with civilians and soldiers all in desperate need of a relief Daisy doesn’t know how to provide.

 

“There you go. Take this. Couverture? Couverture?” The French in Laura’s thick accent sounds a little strange rolling off her tongue, but something’s better than nothing. In the supplies had been some extra blankets, and they’d scavenged for what they could in the ruined buildings, washing the sheets until their fingers pruned and the water ran black with dirt and grime. Now they pass them out to the people finding shelter — elderly and women and children with dirt-smudged faces and tired eyes.

Daisy tries not to stare for too long as mothers wrap their children in the scratchy wool-covers, kissing their heads as the children let out wet coughs.

Christ, she misses her mother.

They’d be getting ready for Christmas Eve service right about how. Her mother, in her red-brown church dress and her father in a cable-knit sweater vest. And her eldest cousin, Mary, would be trying to wrangle in the other two, Abigail and Joseph. Her mother would be fretting over her father’s Christmas tie while her Aunt Marie desperately tries to calm her mother’s nerves. And the house would be warm — from Christmas lights and dinner cooking in the kitchen. It’s been two years since she walked the halls of her aunt’s stately Maryland colonial, and the thought makes her chest ache.

“Rogers, come with me. I wanna head to 82nd and see if they have any extra blankets. For the little ones.” Laura looks at her and nods.

“Sure thing!”

They make their way up the stairs and out into the frigid night quickly, and Laura hums to herself thoughtfully. Daisy looks at her with a raised brow.

“I’ve been thinkin’...” she starts out, “Tomorrow maybe a few of us could go n’ poke around, see if there’s any toys lying about that the kids might want. Since it’s Christmas n’ all. Somethin’ nice for the little ones,” The blonde suggests. Daisy smiles at that — her friend’s idea making her feel a little warmer.

“Wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Could see what we can scrounge liquor-wise for the guys. Something nicer than moonshine, maybe?” Laura’s grin grows wider at the thought.

“I like the way you think, Dais,” She throws her arm over Daisy’s shoulder, pulling her into her side as the lights from the other Aid station come into view around the corner. “That really oughta—”

Pop! Pop! Pop!

Their eyes snap up as 88s light up the sky, and make out the silhouette of planes. Then, there’s the familiar orange glow further in town — just like the one in Holland. Her blood turns to ice. A whistle pierces through the air and then…

She watches as a building goes up in a burst of brilliant orange flames. Her heartbeat picks up. It’s dangerously close to the Church and before she can register it, Laura’s taking off down the road.

“Rogers! Rogers!” Daisy calls out. The girl whips her head back, eyes lit up with courage.

“We’ve gotta get ‘em out of there, Dais!” Another whistle. Another explosion that shakes the ground. Daisy can’t look away. She takes a breath and nods. She’s right. No matter how much she wants to keep this woman close to her — she knows she’s right.

“I’m getting Phalen and some other guys and we’re gonna get everybody out, okay?”

“Yes ma’am!”

Daisy turns and takes off into the Aid Station. The able-bodied are ducked under tables and other means of cover. Her head whips around in search of Charles, calling out his name until the man comes from one of the off rooms of this building.

Another boom.

“What is it, Clarke?” he asks. Her face feels hot.

“We’re evacuating the people in the Church. Bombs are hitting way too close and I—,” Whistle. Boom. “Look. I just need guys, alright?! And a jeep.” Charles nods, his expression changing from concern to determination. He barks out a few names, and a couple medics spring up as he gives orders to each of them.

“I’ll get you that jeep.” He decides on, giving her shoulder another squeeze.

“Thank you.” Daisy responds, and she’s dashing out the door once again.

There’s fire, a lot of it. And screaming. Cries for people to clear the roads and get out mixed with the popping sound of 88s and the powerful groans of jet engines. She lifts her arms to cover her head as she runs, heart pounding in her ears, drowning out the cacophony. Gotta get back, she repeats, gotta make it back. As she approaches she sees specks in the distance rushing out of the building. She thinks she can make out those precious red crosses, and Laura’s blonde head as she rushes inside when—

Whistle. Boom.

The force of the explosion on her left is enough to thrust her into the opposing wall. Her head slams into the brick. Her ears are ringing. Glass and debris slice her skin and sting her eyes. Everything is muffled. She can’t see through the cloud of dust — she shuts her eyes. For a moment, Daisy just sits there in a daze. When she lifts her fingers to her temple, it’s warm and wet. She can taste blood in her mouth and her tongue aches.

“Get out! Quickly!”

“Clear the road! Outta the way!”

A flash of orange behind her eyelids, the screeching of tires. Her legs feel a little shaky. Gotta get up, she desperately tries to will herself into it. Stand up. Keep pushing forward. She holds her breath for a moment, pressing her palm into the brick and pushing herself up on trembling legs, squinting to see through the clouds of dust. Daisy takes a tentative step forward, and then another, forcing herself through the cloud and opening her eyes fully as she does so.

As three men stumble out of the Church, scattering to the wind, she brings a hand to her mouth.

It’s completely caved in — glass shattered and littering the ground. Dust pluming. A lump forms in her throat as she stumbles forward.

“Laura..?” Daisy whispers, her voice cracking as she approaches the entryway.

“Daisy?” Daisy whips her head around, only for her eyes to meet Eugene’s. He rushes forward, towards her and the debris as a medic warns them against it, falling to his knees and pulling out a familiar blue scarf. Daisy’s fingers ghost the coin hanging from her neck with trembling hands. She feels like she might be drowning. The throbbing of her head becomes a distant pain in comparison to the piercing pain in her chest.

“Gene, I—” Daisy struggles to find the words, grasping at something, anything, praying it isn’t real. “Renee and— Laura was right here. I saw her go inside and— and my nurses, and the women and the children. They were all…” she trails off, staring at the rubble with a quivering lip.

She feels a hand curl around her own in a death-grip. Squeezing tight enough for it to hurt. She doesn’t care. She looks at Eugene — his eyes aren’t glassy, but they hold the same grief that’s splitting her apart.

“Easy needs a medic.” He murmurs. Despite his grip, she squeezes back with all the strength she can muster, giving him a nod.

“Medic! Get your ass out here!” Eugene turns his head to look, and she follows, watching a man as he darts away. Then he’s climbing down the pile of rubble, and leading her with him. She doesn’t let go of his hand, not until they pile into a jeep headed back out onto the line, and even then she says nothing. She and Gene exchange looks, but nothing more. She wants to hold his hand again — but doesn’t. Daisy doesn’t even cry.

She says nothing when the jeep pulls into the woods she’s never been in before — not when they get out, and not when Liebgott practically springs out of his foxhole, scruffier with a bright red nose and a look of excitement that immediately shifts to worry upon seeing the state of her.

“Holy shit, Dais, what’re you doing out here?” He whispers. Eugene clears his throat.

“Can she share your foxhole t’night, Liebgott?” And then, shifting his eyes back to Daisy, “We can… talk to Captain Winters in the morning.” Daisy nods at that, weakly, as Joe places his hands on her shoulders, guiding her back towards the hole he sprung up from. When was the last time she’d slept in a foxhole? It had to be Normandy.

They slump into it, Joe placing an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. He’s warm, and familiar, and Daisy finds herself leaning into him.

“I slapped my father,” she whispers, her voice cracking in all the wrong places. Joe turns to look at her. She can feel his gaze on the top of her head, burning through her. “I almost died tonight and… and his last memory would’ve been of me slapping him before I got on the train.” There’s a heavy silence for a moment, before his fingers dig into her arm a little bit.

“But you made it.” Joe responds, definitive, in a way that makes her ache for home.

She stares at the dirt wall — and sees a dreamlike woman, with soft blonde hair and sky blue eyes. A smile to die for, an ability to charm almost everybody she ever met. A kid brother at home, a father, so determined to make it — she remembers that first day, when Daisy pressed her fingers into her back to push her over the finish line. Their first night out. The first time she followed Daisy without question, back in Holland. They were supposed to find toys and whiskey tomorrow, for the kids and the men.

But she didn’t, is what she says, except it comes out as a strangled sob. And then another one, that lurches her body forward, and before she knows it, she’s sobbing and hiccuping and Joe’s pulling her fully into his arms — so she’s sobbing into his chest now, incoherent and blubbering. Daisy can barely breathe, gripping onto him for dear life and trying to stifle her cries into his jacket. It hurts. She feels like she's drowning and scrambling for air, only for a hand to maliciously shove her down again and hold her under the water until her lungs cry out. Over and over, just when she thinks things could be a little okay, something happens for her to be proven stupidly, horrifically, wrong. And she hates it.

Joe says nothing, rubbing circles into her back, kissing the top of her head and keeping her close in a way that's so familiar it makes her cry harder. It's only then, that he tells her, soft as ever, to just breathe. Daisy doesn't know if she can do that.

She doesn’t know when she falls asleep — but it’s somewhere between the sobbing and a prayer

[sollucets]

ok so. so i made it out of midnight museum e3 alive but im gonna have to do something normal and calming for a while now because oh fuck me too many moths even like skipping scenes and cringing away from the screen. im unwell. many disorganized thoughts go here

so i Was right about dome frankly. i mean the hints were there (jib dialogue last episode + the long time no rent thing from e1) but for me it was that hes too stupid to be a full person (sorry baby i love u). like saying ‘is this normal’ about resurrection and lit. just going with whatever happens to him and running headlong into stupid situations. he literally Only just woke up. he has no brain head empty hes just doing the One thing hes been told hes good at and useful for. oh no baby :( they really keep putting him through it every episode LMAO.

got a Lot more worried khatha this episode plus a bunch more face touching. and sitting by his bedside. tor is So good with those shiny eyes of pain like … i dont know how he does that but its incredible. his face. his little tsundere look away / posture adjustment when dome woke up like you didnt literally die for this man recently. they are getting gayer each episode. again ive established i dont care about “bl status” it doesnt matter to me if they kiss but boy its just so…. they HAVE to know what theyre doing with this

i really like this show i Would Not have put myself through this for less agh. i still almost quit multiple times

that opening flashback scene with triphob’s grandfather was really good. by the way. i love immortals i love immortality. i love the moon (showing up just barely in blurry flashbacks)

bright did fucking Great this episode. im not too familiar with him, mostly from f4 thailand bits but he was so fucking creepy!!!!! tragic little murdery sadboy. what a mess. the whole house invasion scene was Sooooooooo. augh. freaky. everything he did was fucked up

i have some…. thoughts…. about the girl in this episode, rin, and her agency / lack thereof honestly. combined with the bride’s “men writing her story” thing….. its. hmmm. but i’m not sure i’m equipped to express that properly without rewatching and frankly i dont know if im capable of rewatching this episode

if i turn my lizard brain off also the vampire moths are a great horror concept and they were very aesthetically cool to someone who does not have. a lifelong fear of those fucking things

also yeah ‘cycle of death and rebirth’ confirms the reincarnation thing but i’m thinking that not only did khatha enounter past life dome / “that person” / “chan” but also like. present life pre-memories dome? and that’s why he was surprised when dome didnt remember him. it wouldnt make sense for him to be surprised a reincarnation didnt remember him. they definitely met pre-wipe

v fun to learn that june is immortal too??? but like. frankly im still so confused about her lmao. she was an immortal museum worker before this?? but she became the bride?? but they all forgot her past but she remembers being immortal and the artifacts? but she has bride magic now??? dont get me wrong i like her a lot shes great for wisdom and being the only one nice to dome but hoo boy

ok. theres all the bits in no particular order

so. yeah!!!! yeah i was so proud of myself for being mostly chill with the first two episodes of murder and body horror but uh i was NOT good with this. gods fuck why moths

[solavelyan]

3, 5 & 22 for choose violence!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

lkaj;fdsf god. i think the most recent one was someone speculating on why of all the inquisition love interests, blackwall isn't as popular, and one of their guesses was that people don't like him as much because he's available to dwarves and qunari. as if people are so comically "prejudiced" against dwarves and qunari that the love interests that will fuck them are somehow tainted. that was pretty fucking stupid.

but one of the ones that really stuck with me was someone who said that... if you dislike cullen, you actually hate drug addicts in real life and you're a bad person. as if that's the only reason he might not be your favorite. pffff.

5. worst discord server and why

the one i'm not in anymore. :3

okay but realtalk, i'm not quite high or brave enough to give a specific name, but i will say that i think it's easy for writing-focused discords to get into a sort of feedback loop that it turns out i just really don't enjoy. some of that is definitely me, but i think i have similar feelings to some other people who were on the same servers as i was and left (the feeling of some spaces being a popularity contest, being unsure of how genuine feedback was at any given time because it could feel transactional, just not necessarily vibing with the sort of unspoken preferences of the group wrt canon interpretation/fanon/etc.).

i also just don't like servers that get above a certain member count because they're too active and i feel obligated to read everything and know everything and then i get anxiety lmao. my ideal server size is like... somewhere under 100 people, probably realistically somewhere south of 50. so that's just me.

most of my fannish group activities before 2022 were either just out in the wild on tumblr, or RP circles in IJ, so i had a bit of a discord culture shock after keeping to myself for so long. and i will say that while some people who are loud about being "live and let live" and being open to other people's opinions are being genuine, functionally... yeah, any contained group of people that gets to a certain size is going to start emulating the behaviors of wider fandom, but in ways much more specific to the driving personalities of those servers.

so you end up with some really wild, overly dramatic discussions of "fandom problems" that functionally only affect the 5 people having that discussion and the maybe 3 or 4 other people that got under their skin about it, so you end up with takes like... well, like in my last question, proposing that a straight white man love interest in a fandom historically pretty friendly to straight white men must be unpopular because he's marginalized somehow, and not because his competition was Ex-Templar Fandom Has Been Thirsting Over Since DAO, What the Fuck Do You Mean That's Freddie Prinze, Jr.?, Charismatically Voice Acted Gay Magic Man from Cool Fantasy Rome, and Tragic Elf Man Ianto Jones. people were just not as into burly bearded dilfy types in 2015 as they are now. it's not a mystery, but if your fishbowl is curved enough, it sure looks like one.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

oh, this is probably small and silly, but that bit of flavor text at the beginning of Inquisition for the human pc mentions that trevelyan is from a huge family with close ties to the templar order, is the youngest child of multiple siblings, and was expected to go into service to the chantry, either as a templar or in the clergy. i've seen a lot of religious trevelyans, but i rarely see them portrayed as templars or chantry clergy or something. i'm honestly really surprised, given how popular some of the templar npcs are, that we weren't awash in templar ocs during inquisition's heyday.

i don't mind feeling relatively unique (i think i've only seen one or two other templar trevelyans but that's about it), but this is one of those things that always surprises me when i'm the only one rocking up with an ex-templar oc in a given group. they're so interesting! i would totally read someone else's take on the concept.

[ from the choose violence ask meme ]

[mewtonian-physics]

Raikov of course. All versions (real and fake)

HEH. tragically for you i have no headcanons for raikov, only canons /joke... or is it?

1: sexuality headcanon

well obviously he's gay as fuck. but i think he's also ace in the way where it's like 'sex is fine i just don't ever look at people and think about them like that'. tbh his sexuality and expression thereof is extremely warped by circumstances so if you asked him he'd just say 'men.' and it wouldn't be a lie

2: otp

...look if my partner in crime and i came up with an oc for him to settle down with much much much later like, post-mgsv era then that's our business (love wins though)

3: brotp

raikov and ocelot are my favorite pair of besties/worsties in this series and they don't even interact in canon

4: notp

i will never. ever. ever. ever. ever ship anyone with volgin and raikov is no exception i'm taking him far away and protecting him

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

oh you know it's eva theory. but also the reason he wears gloves all the time is because his hands are pretty badly burned and he's just not dealing with that

6: favorite line from this character

definitely 'regrettable' from metal gear online. god i'll never get over that. he can say it two different ways and they're both sarcastic! it's amazing!

7: one way in which I relate to this character

gay and misunderstood

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

um. like. everything about why and how he exists? also um the. the. man i don't wanna say it but you know. that one. clothing article. i don't wanna talk about it

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

official canon or the truth he's my problematic fave either way, this guy sucks so bad but i love him

[desertgremlin]

Okay, that's great to hear that the reviews are better. And those people that were complaining about the show still watched it, so the views count either way, which is what matters.

Also I promise to watch episode five! I was doing chores all day yesterday and was so tired but I will catch up haha.

But about The Bear: people were like, I don't get why the money was in the cans? How did they get the money in there? Where did it come from?

I was just like, obviously Mikey found a way to put thr money in there for Carmy? The money he borrowed from Cicero is that same money. Like, what's not making sense? If he had so many debts, wasn't paying anything, and then Carmy finds the exact amount he borrowed, how can you not connect those dots? And then the note he left for Carmy? He had been planning to leave The Beef to him. The way it went about was tragic and messy, but he always believed in Carmy. How did that not come across?

And then everyone was saying how only Marcus and Sydney were at fault for what happened when Carmy blew up about the orders. I agree they made mistakes, but it seemed like people REALLY wanted to shit on Marcus and Sydney and let Carmy have a pass and I was like 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Sydney messed up, and she immediately was trying to fix it. Carmy was rude and abusive to her and to Marcus. And people were saying that it eas wrong they didn't apologize. For what? If I make a mistake and you hit me because of it, is it my responsibility to say sorry for the mistake when that is your reaction? He is their boss. When you abuse your power like that, why do you deserve an apology? You are the one in charge and you stepped out of line. It is your job to correct the people you are in charge of, not abuse them.

It also annoyed me that so many people were like, Sydney is Carmy's mentee, when time and time again, they made it clear that she was his equal, that she handled things without Carmy even being there, and at times was smarter and more capable than he was. They also would say that she intentionally stabbed Ritchie when HE was the one walking backwards in the kitchen and didn't say anything or watch where he was going. They refused to admit that it was an accident just because she didn't like him.and ignored the fact that he harrased her and disrespected her the whole time. And if it wasn't an accident, and she did it because he acted that way towards her, then obviously they agree that he was an asshole the whole time! And yet, because he got hurt, she was the one at fault.

It was just a lot of people, men particularly, veiwing themselves in Carmy and Ritchie and not seeing Marcus and Sydney as real characters or people with flaws and giving some people leeway and not others. But what else can I expect from people on Reddit?

No rush at all! I probably won't have time to watch the next eps soon anyway because I've got a bunch of things on the next two days. God, I probably should watch GoL on the streaming service to get it more official views 😅

Oh wow people just love to not put in a little more thought about pretty straightforward plotlines, lmao. That note and ending had me so 🥹🥹

I think Sydney's so fucking great!!! She holds her own soo many times and brings her own knowledge and experience to the table time and time again and Carmy definitely knows and acknowledges that. Trust Reddit to just see her as a mentee AND to put all the blame on her in that scene where Ritchie gets stabbed. Like, if you look at it in context that entire scene (entire episode, really) everyone was on edge and high tension and not thinking straight so yeah accidents happen. Even if it wasn't an accident it still makes sense within the scene to me (maybe I just like when people get vindictive lmaoo) and the 'blame' is totally equal, it was mayhem in there.

You know, for some insane reason I made a new Reddit account this year after being off it for ages, but maybe I'll keep staying away from the show subreddits 😂