#oh god im rambling in the tags thats enough of that

[entering--hyperspace]

I think the idea of Leo seeing rytlock's pupils dialate when he looked at him would drive him crazy, anything to make worlds most reluctant piner insane

[ghostorbz]

I hope nobody has done this yet

[volfoss]

it is beyond infuriating how anne rice seems to insist on marius being a positive force in anyone's life ever. like she can't fully commit to exploring the fact he groomed armand and has repeatedly taken away his consent for what marius thinks is best (take the end of TVA as an example) and just kind of flatly puts it in the narrative. there's not really much interest in how these horrific events make marius come across as the worst because EVERYONE loves him. for gods sake, lestat learns from armand exactly what marius did to him in TVL and then proceeds to go find marius and be super friendly to him in the same fucking book. even armand and pandora, two of the people who have MORE than enough right to hate him, do not. it doesnt feel like shes trying to explore the toxicity of the abusive dynamic he traps them in, it just is there. and like yeah ofc the toxic vampire romance series but i think that this should be handled with more care. and it is not ever really framed in a way that she is interested in exploring how marius should easily be one of the most horrific characters in this series because it kind of feels like sa/rape/grooming/other things of that sort are just put there to further plot and not to really get the respect that they deserve in a medium.

[todayisafridaynight]

time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist

[im-smart-i-swear]

Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?

when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol

For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/

i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........

uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).

[arolesbianism]

Good news I realized that there actually is a sekai character who could fit Mase while also having their own interesting spin on his story. Bad news the parent issue still exists. Good news I found a loophole to that. Bad news the loophole was remembering Mase wasn't adopted in a very legal manner. Anyways sorry An

[coconox]

honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

[penguin--person]

9 and 10 of the fandom violence ask

I better be hearing some good rain world salt

9. worst part of canon mm.. im gonna be honest boss. i like all of rain world. maybe the lack of some context, but on another hand, i Love that that so many things are up to interpretation!! like, what even IS the cycle!! i dont know!! btu ive got my theories and i lvoe theories:) like its all told through the pov of a SLUG so like its expected that the slug wont learn that much!! n i lvoe that.. i love sulluges... n i cant even say that the worst part is the horror of it all because i LOVE the horror of it all... i love it all dude sorry i love it all. rain world (n buddy sim) is a perfect game to me. n like, sure, theres propably some bad parts i could think of if i tried hard enough, but none are bad enough that id call them 'worst'.. tho im ceirtan it does have bad ascepts lore wise. i cant think of any rn. i love htem all. everything i think about that could be bad i realize i actually love

10.worst part of fanon id say the blorbofication n all that:( like. like. man. ok. evil ramble time. the first time i met pebbles, i remember thinking 'oh, what a nice guy' - not in the way that 'this guy donates to charity', but 'this guy is in so much pain and clearly dislikes me but still takes the time out of his life to tell me a bit of lore and tell me how to escape the cycle and doesnt even kill me unless i linger too long! and, in a world in which death doesnt even matter all that much, thats fine!:)' . n when i went into his tag here on tuber all i saw was!! everyone being so mean to him!!!! calling him evil n shit... no!!! hes complex!!!! ehs got feelings!!! like, just because he says 'i feel no guilt over killing moon'doesnt mean thats real!!! thats basic denial!!! thats basic coping skills, denial!!! n hes like. hes COMPLEX hes not just GOOD hes not just BAD hes COMPLEX ..!!! n all i saw was 'ohh angsty teen boy' n like Yeah he Is that but also hes More than that!!! hes not just!!! :(( i dont know . ive seen this happen less, somehow, ever since downpour came out, but. that might be bc im not interacting with the fandom much and only with the iterator rp lads. n theyre all SWAG!! but. god. god. watering down characters - not only iterators, slugs too (pointing at artificer. pointing at artificer. pointing at artificer.another personal,less annoyed thing is. everyone agreeing that artificer is a mother that lost her pups. which, of course, is a very likely scenario!!! but i wish more people explored like, artificer n sibling pups scenario, or like, artificer dad, or smth!! i Adore the angry mother believe me i adore it i really do im not hating on it i love it i adore it please believe me. but. mayhaps if we explored a bit more outside the comfort zone..) to bare concepts and shredding them of all their complexities . hate that!!! their whole appeal si their horrors:(( also when people like, put them into 'bad' n 'good' boxes . or smth. i dunno im eepy 👍

[bubsub69]

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

[crazywolf828]

I know I complain about this every time I get to this point... But fuck I really gotta stop making fics have fight scenes. They are literally the worst thing and I hate writing them. Too many limbs. Too much movement.

[ipegchangbin]

I JUST FOUND THE MOST FANFIC EVER. EVERYONE CAN GO HOME. IVE DROOLED ENOUGH IN MY LIFE

the tags are literally containing my love for this fic so let me ramble in here (spoilers ahead)

the moment i read the warnings and realized that you wrote it, i just knew that this would be a good one. i said “NO WAY” out loud because i felt it in my system that it would be A Banger.

what i didnt expect was stumbling upon one of my favorite fics of all time.

you just…balance everything out so well. the smut is piping hot (I WILL GO INSANE IN A BIT), the bits of angst make me want to chuck my phone out the window in the best way possible, and the fluff is INCREDIBLY soft and warm and inviting. theres something about your writing thats just so good. its not unrefined, but its raw: the emotions are raw, the characters are so Real, BUT SOMEHOW, everything is also cooked together into this delicious full course meal that id eat up for breakfast lunch and dinner every day. how do you do it. HOW DO YOU DO IT.

changbin. bun, bunny changbin. oh god. im normal. i am so unbelievably normal (can you tell im a bad liar) hes just the prettiest, most patient, loveliest little guy. i love how hes just as reassuring as y/n!! its hard to find that the essence of trust flows both ways, so to have scenes of him assuring that he himself is fine and he too wants to check in on his s/o just. makes my heart flutter So Much. and the part where y/n tells him how gorgeous he is after fingerfucking his ass?? GOLDEN. i want to bite him so bad he just makes me FEEL SO MANY THINGSSS @.@

y/n themself is JUST AS LOVELY OH MY GOD. for once we have a soft dom whos realistic and im living for it !! theyre so considerate and patient, if anything theyre super keen on making the entire thing enjoyable on both ends. also can i just say that im actually SO GLAD y/n didnt need to finish as well in the end. idk i feel like that thing should be normalized, where doms/the other partner doesnt have to finish too whether it be a preference thing or in this case, the release is in the warmth of watching your partner get off. i loved that!!! im obsessed with it even !!! its like im seen :D

love is such a huge thing thats often difficult to capture in fics like these but you did it so well. trust, safety, intimacy, love…you nailed everything. nailed it as hard as y/n nailed the fuck out of changbin’s ass !!! cant be any prouder of you ^^

yk whats crazy…i read this in one go after completing my final exam in this one boring class. and oh god. im usually not on the receiving end of rewards but THIS WAS THE BEST REWARD EVER.

props to you nemu for making a pegging piece thats beyond just some hot sexy time. porn with lots of feelings just gets a lot of people going and im glad to see more of it, ESPECIALLYYYY from skilled writers like you. love it and im definitely reading this every night like a lil bedtime story ^_^

trust

pairing: seo changbin x gender neutral reader

genre: smut – MDNI

synopsis: changbin confesses something to you, hoping you'd forget the next day – but you don't resulting in taking action on his confession 

warnings: smut, established relationship, soft dom reader, sub changbin, nipple play, anal play, anal training, toys used (butt plugs, strap-on), anal fingering, pegging, after care, traffic light system, safe words, pet names, mention of receiving nudes  

words: 6.2k ~ (6249)

☆ m.list — ☆ you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

love. it's a strong word that holds the same power and weight as the word hate. you never thought you could love someone, yet here you are contemplating on whether this foreign feeling is indeed love.

the person who is challenging said emotions is none other than seo changbin. you met by pure coincidence, falling for his charming looks and words. due to his physical appearance, people are quick to judge however, you know that he is just one big softie.

it was an accident, a stupid drunken accident. no matter what he said or did, he couldn't take back those words. changbin is a happy drunk, the type that laughs at everything and nothing. on top of that, he also overshares and oversharing, he did.

a glass in hand, you stare at him with a shocked expression. his cheeks slowly turning a deep red, his brain catching up with his mouth, registering what he just confessed to you 

“i want to try a strap-on with you.”

he tried to back track, stumbling over his own words as he stared at your blank expression. once your own brain registered what your boyfriend just drunkenly confessed to you, did you calmly reassure him. you told him that you've both had a little too much to drink and that all of it will be forgotten in the morning

but it wasn't 

you woke up and remembered everything. you look to the side, your sleeping boyfriend snoring away. lips parted and face puffy with sleep. dried up drool on his chin, his chest rising up and down slowly in time with his soft breathing.

you never thought of changbin as a switch or a sub for that matter. he always had the dominant aura about him and he knows how to dominate you, that much is very true. maybe it's his physic that made you prejudge. he is a buff, strong man after all so you instantly thought of him as the type who likes to dominate and not the other way around.

but with the drunken confession, now you're questioning. is he a switch? a sub? why does he want to try a strap-on with you? what other stuff does he want to try with you and how long has he wanted to do this?

you want to ask him but you're worried that it might be overstepping the mark. maybe it's best if you wait until he is ready or until he mentions it again. let him come to you when he's confident.

in the meantime, you decide to prepare. you've never done anything like this before so all of it is new territory to you. you want to please your significant other, make him feel comfortable. you researched every single website, expanding your knowledge on this particular type of stuff.

you secretly bought the necessities, things that would make changbin feel at ease. you asked the owners of the sex shops you shopped at for tips and tricks, making a mental note of everything they said as well as researching on forums and watching videos.

you learnt about preparation, how to be gentle. you don't want to cause any harm to him down there so it's important that he prepares himself; especially if he wants to be fucked by you.

one thing that was bugging you, is that you wasn't sure how changbin wants to do it. normally, people envision it, they know how and when they want to do, but considering you've been pretending to have ‘forgotten’ what he admitted to you to save him the embarrassment, bringing it up in a casual conversation just didn't feel right.

until he found your secret stash.

you thought you hid it away so perfectly. in a box tucked away at the bottom of your wardrobe with piles of clothing and shoes on top to make it look ‘natural’; until you walked into your bedroom to find a wide-eyed, red cheeked changbin on his knees, the box open and the plugs in his hands.

“binnie..” you whisper, chewing your lip. he looks up at you, his mouth agape. the words stuck in his throat as he gives you short rapid blinks. you swallow thickly, the air between you both thick with tension.

“these are–” he starts, looking back down at the toys before clearing his throat free from the lump “these are for you, right?” 

���uh, no baby. they're not.” you mumble, approaching him slowly. you kneel beside him, his eyes scanning the contents of the box. 

plugs, lube, strap-on, bits of paper with notes about preparation and aftercare scribbled on them.

“then who?” he asks, looking at you with his doe eyes 

“you.” you gently take the plugs from his clammy hands to place your own hands on top of his. 

“me?” he whispers, still shocked from all this new information. it's clear he doesn't remember that night where he confessed.

you take a deep breath in, intertwining your fingers into his. your own hands slowly turn clammy, heart beating against your rib cage. 

“do you remember a few nights ago, when we went out?” 

“yeah. minho invited us over for a small party. i remember waking up with a terrible hangover.” he chuckles as do you 

“well, you got drunk and confessed something to me.”

“what..?”

“that you wanted to try a strap-on with me.” changbin's eyes widen in horror. he swallows thickly, looking back down at the box. “im sorry bun. i remembered everything you said and so, i went out and bought all this for us–for you as well as research on it to make sure i cause no harm to you.” 

you press your lips together in a thin line. a sudden wave of guilt and anxiety washes over you as you watch your lover scan each and every object you've bought. after what felt like hours of radio silence, you asked the one question you thought you'd never have to ask.

“do you hate me..?” changbin's head spins in your direction, his features softening as his eyes rest upon your worried expressions. a few tears fall down your cheeks, taking you both by surprise.

“hey.” changbin says softly, “why are you crying darling?” the pad of his thumb swipes across your cheek, collecting the tears.

“i don't, i don't know. did i overstep? i should have asked you first, gone shopping with you instead of doing it all behind your back.” you choke out, chest slightly heaving. “please don't hate me. i'm sorry.”

changbin hushes your sobs by pressing his lips against your gently. you whimper softly, clinging onto his t-shirt as you move your lips with his, feeling them mold and move together in perfect harmony.

changbin rakes his fingers through your hair slowly before stroking your cheeks, stroking away the stray tears.

“i could never, ever hate you yn. i love and adore you so much.”

“but–” you choke out, hiccuping your words only for them to be silenced once again with the feeling of changbin's soft lips.

“shh. i don't hate you nor am i mad. there isn't anyone else in this world that i'd trust more than you to do this to me, for me.” you sniffle, wiping away your tears as your worries and anxiety get washed away in an instant.

“are you sure?” changbin nods. “a thousand percent?”

“a million percent. now–” changbin turns his attention back to the box, picking up your hand written notes “what do i need to do?” 

you explain to changbin what needs to be done, his full attention on you as he listens carefully to what you've researched on the internet. whilst listening, his cheeks hold a nice, pink colour. thoughts swimming through his mind as he becomes excited with nerves and anticipation.

“i bought you a starter set. so this–” you say, taking out the smallest butt plug. “is the smallest. we just have to train you and get you used to it before we go onto the bigger stuff.” 

“o-ok.” changbin whispers. you tilt your head to the side, feeling and noticing some tension from your bun.

“hey.” you put the plug down to hold his hands gently in yours “are you ok bub? we don't have to do this right now. we can do it some other time, when you're ready.” 

“it's not that i'm not ready…” 

“then what is it bun?”

“i'm just, nervous. i've thought of this so many times, watched so many porn videos related to this and i'm finally getting to do it with the person i love. i'm excited as fuck but also so nervous.” 

“that's good bun! i promise, i will take good care of you.” you softly speak, brushing your thumb across his flush cheeks. he hums softly, eyes fluttering shut as he leans into your touch.

“yn..”

“mhm?” you watch his eyes slowly flutter open, tongue darting out to lick his dry lips.

“can we.. yknow..” he shuffles on the spot awkwardly and shyly, fingers twiddling and picking at his hoodie sleeves.

“tell me baby. tell me what's on your mind.” you place your hand on top of his in an attempt to soothe his worries.

“can we start now? like.. training and stuff..” his voice trails off until it's nothing but a soft and gentle squeak. you smile softly, nodding before planting your lips on his in a soft and soothing peck on the lips.

“are you sure you want to do this now?” 

“yes.” changbin says with the utmost confidence. “i trust you.” 

your heart swells at his words and the fact that he is trusting of you to do something like this. you hold his hand gently as you explain what needs to be done, explaining the preparation in order to make this a pleasurable experience for him. all the while, he listens carefully, soaking up all the information as his brows furrow together in concentration.

“and don't worry if you don't feel prepared enough in the shower, i can do that for you as well.”

“ok so that's all i have to do?” you nod, humming.

“yup. i can do the rest if needed. i think i bought everything for it. at least, i hope so.”

“then, i will go shower and yeah..” changbin flushes pink, rising to his feet. you watch, watch as he turns his back to you and rush off to the bathroom, locking the door. you giggle to yourself, changbin's demeanour screaming shy and awkward but that's to be expected.

you hear the shower turning on, giving you cue to set everything out on the bed. you grab a few hand towels and t-shirts, things you don't mind getting dirty because they need washing anyways.

you lay the towels on the bed, grabbing the smallest butt plug and lube. you place them on the bedside table, reading your notes over and over again as you nervously wait for your lover.

moments later, he returns. a towel around his lower half, body glistening with water as water drips from the tips of his curls. his cheeks are red, either from how warm the shower was or the fact that he is currently feeling shy and embarrassed. 

he slowly walks to you, glancing at the layout you've set. you look up at him, giving him a warm and gentle smile to hopefully soothe his nerves before patting the mattress beside you as an indication for him to sit; which he does.

“are you sure, bun?” you ask for the nth time. he looks at you, nodding his head slowly as he chews his bottom lip.

“i'm sure. just.. nervous, that's all.” he shakily laughs. you hum, lacing your fingers with his.

“i understand bun. we take it slow, yeah? don't be afraid to be vocal. tell me how you feel, what feels good and what doesn't feel good. if it hurts, tell me. if you're uncomfortable, tell me. don't be afraid to use your safe word.” changbin nods slowly, loving how considerate and caring you sound.

“speaking of safe words, do you remember yours?” 

“bunny. your nickname for me.” 

“good. don't be afraid to also use the traffic lights system. get used to me asking for your colour, ok?” 

“ok.” he swallows, “yn. are you nervous too?” you chuckle softly, changbin has clearly noticed your clammy hands and the way you're trying to hide the nervousness in your voice.

“i am. i'm very nervous bun.” 

“why?” he asks, looking at you with his bright and beady eyes.

“because all this is new to me too baby. i may have spent hours and hours researching and buying the things for it but that's different from actually doing it.” 

changbin hums in acknowledgement, stroking your hand with his thumb as a way of soothing you. you smile sweetly at him, leaning in and pressing your lips against his gently. his eyes flutter shut, lips pressing against yours and copying the movements.

he shuffles onto your lap, legs either side and hands holding your shoulders gently. the towel around his waist threatens to slip and slide off. you hold onto his soft waist, caressing the skin before lightly trailing your fingertips up and down his sides causing changbin to shiver and whimper softly.

“yn..” he whispers against your lips. you hum, fingertips brushing over his hard nipples. you feather kisses down his jaw to his neck, gently nipping and sucking at his tender skin whilst your fingers roll and pinch his nipples.

his bottom lip caught between his teeth to stifle the moans that are threatening to escape from his lips. you gently tug, rolling the sensitive bud between thumb and finger.

you kiss his lips sweetly before trailing your lips down his chest. you look up at your lover through your lashes as you trail your lips to his nipple to gently blow on it as a way to ‘test the waters’ 

he shivers, a soft moan escapes from his chest as his eyes flutter close–the desired outcome for you.

you gently suck on his hard nipple, making sure to give the opposite one just as much attention with your fingers. every time you tugged his nipple with your teeth, you did the same to the opposite with your fingers.

by now, an obvious tent has formed, causing the towel to rise up a little bit. changbin is flush, his skin feeling hot and hair frizzy and fluffy due to the humidity and letting it air dry. his fingertips are sinking into your shoulder blades as a way to anchor himself down.

he moans your name like a mantra, his voice soft and breathless. you continue your assault to his nipples, changbin rocking his hips back and forth onto you. you pull away slowly, licking your lips as changbin's eyes flutter open to meet a flustered looking you.

“colour?” you softly ask.

“green.” you nod, taking the towel from around his waist and throwing it on the bedroom floor. you scan his face for any signs of discomfort and when you see nothing but pleasure, want and need, you continue.

you slide your hands down his back slowly to cup his perky butt cheeks. he lets out a soft and shy giggle, his cheeks turning red as you massage and squeeze the plush, yet squishy and soft flesh.

“colour?” you whisper against his lips, fingers trailing to his hole. changbin swallows, eyes closing as he feels your fingers slowly circle around the rim of his asshole. 

“g-green.” you kiss his lips sweetly as you tease him. he bucks his hips, desperate for something. whether it'd be the friction on his cock or the feel of your fingers filling him up; he's aching for you.

you briefly pull away to grab the lube. changbin shuffles off your lap to rest his back and head on the mattress. he spreads his legs for you whilst you lube up two fingers, squeezing a bit extra to smear around his hole.

you smear the cold liquid around his hole, changbin letting out softly whimpers as goose bumps rise to the surface of his skin.

“cold.” he giggles. 

“sorry bun.” he gives a hum and a shake of his head, dismissing the apology. he bites his lip gently as he feels one of your fingers slowly push inside his hole. you give him a hum of satisfaction, noticing how well prepared he feels.

“you did as i instructed?” changbin nods his head, cheeks turning a beet red.

“yes..”

“you did a very good job, binnie. i can feel that!” you say, pushing further until you're at the first knuckle. changbin lets out a shaky breathe, his body slowly becoming overwhelmed by this new and foreign feeling.

“you're doing so well, binnie.” you praise softly. he gives you soft whimpers, eyes doe like and staring at you. you chuckle softly, leaning down and kissing his lips sweetly.

during the kiss, you slowly move your finger in and out, testing the waters. nothing but shaky breathes and groans leaves changbin's lips. you only continue further, adding more and more when he whispers “please. need so much more.”

at this point, changbin is a little out of it. his chest and soft tummy heaving up and down to match his laboured panting. his bottom lip plump and red from chewing it too many times. his body feels strange but good at the same time. he's dreamt and thought of this so many times–possibly too many times and it's finally coming true.

“i'm adding in another finger bun. remember, be vocal and tell me if it's too much.” changbin nods, eyes squeezing shut as he feels a second finger slowly insert inside him. you added more lube to make the process a bit easier. changbin involuntarily clenches around your fingers, making you chuckle and him to flush an embarrassing shade of red.

you begin to move your fingers slowly, scissoring him out occasionally. you watch him carefully for any signs of discomfort only to be met with breathy pants, rosy cheeks and sweat coated skin. his eyes flutter open, silently begging you for more–so you give him just that.

you pump your fingers at a reasonable pace. you watch his back arch and hands scrambling for something to hold onto, for his hands to be met with your bicep. he clings onto you for dear life, squeezing your muscle tightly as he moans softly.

the slit of his penis seeps pre cum, the head glistening under the faint light. his cock is painfully hard, standing proud and angry at the tip. he slowly trails a hand down his soft tummy to wrap his fist around his aching cock. he slowly pumps himself in time with your fingers, his toes curling against the sheets.

“g-good.. yn.. don't stop, please.” he whimpers, begging you. you kiss his sweaty forehead gently.

“do you feel good bun?” you ask sweetly. changbin nods his head fast, so fast he makes himself dizzy. you continue to massage his walls, his rim squeezing around your digits. you slowly push more of your fingers inside, the tips brushing against his prostate.

his eyes widen at the sudden feeling. an alien feeling coursing through his veins. it's not a bad feeling else he would have told you to stop, but in fact, it's a feeling of electricity rushing and pumping through his veins, tingling at the tips of his fingers and toes. it causes his hair to stand up on his arms, the pit of his stomach to flutter and his thighs to uncontrollably shake–no matter how hard he tries to stop them.

“found it.” you giggle. the words are lodged in changbin's throat as he opens and closes his mouth. with each nudge and rub, his mind slowly clouds over and becomes numb with nothing but pleasure.

“i'm so proud of you bun.” you praise, noticing how his hand has picked up in speed from the corner of your eye. he desperately fucks himself into his fist, desperately chasing his high. his thighs and butt cheeks tense, his soft tummy dipping as his body becomes overwhelmed.

“c-cant. want to cum.” he chokes out, throat dry 

“then cum, darling.”  his eyes squeeze shut, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he bites down on his bottom lip. he bites hard, hard enough to draw some blood as he body shakes and spasms from his orgasm. his body fluid lands on his stomach, the rim of his ass clenching around your fingers with each shot of his cum.

slowly pulling your fingers out of his puckered hole, you lean down to soothe changbin and bring him back down to you. he lets out soft sobs and whimpers, his mind too hazy and gone.

“sh sh bun. focus on me, focus on my voice.” you gently run your fingers through his sweaty lock of curls, changbin looking at you with doe and hazy eyes as he sobs. you plant kisses on his face. his lips, tip of his nose, cheeks, eyes, bridge of his nose–anywhere you see fit, you kissed.

“y-yn.” he shakily chokes out. you smile softly at him, kissing his lips sweetly.

“hello bub.” he gives you a weak laugh. you kiss his forehead gently, ignoring the sweat that coats your lips. changbin lets out heavy breaths, his body feeling heavy but at the same time, high and buzzing off the adrenaline he's feeling.

“shall we stop here, baby?” 

“no. i want to continue.” 

“are you sure? i don't want you to tire yourself out. if you're feeling tired bun, we can always do it tomorrow.”

“i know.” changbin lifts himself up, using his elbows and forearms to support his weight from behind, “but i want to. i feel fine, i promise.” 

the smile he gives you is reassurance. in this moment, your significant other is glowing. your heart bursting and stomach fluttering as you fall in love with him all over again. you feel heat rise to your cheeks and a sudden burst of energy and excitement bubbling in your stomach, threatening to escape from your throat.

“yn? are you ok?”

“yeah.. yeah! i'm fine just admiring how beautiful you look right now.” 

“oh hush. i probably look as gross as i feel.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks in your hands, pressing your lips against his in a sweet and love filled kiss. he instantly melts in the palm of your hands, his energy depleting as he allows himself to get lost in the kiss.

“you're the most beautiful, most gorgeous person ever, changbin. everytime i look at you, i fall in love with you all over again.”

“i–” changbin flushes red, heart bursting and thumping hard against his rib cage. “thank you.” he whispers. you giggle, kissing his cheek gently before lubing up the butt plug.

“ready?”

“ready.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

changbin and you did anal training for days, weeks. at first, he was still getting us to the foreign feeling of having something in his ass, but the more time that went on, the more he enjoyed it–more than he'd like to admit.

of course, you started small, beginner size before moving your way up to the bigger and thicker sizes. you and changbin trained almost every night, sometimes during the day too. some days, it'd be right as you'd wake up. you'd see a flush and hard changbin staring down at you, plug in hand as he'd whimper and beg to be filled by you.

during the days, when he would be incredibly busy, he'd send you some nudes. your favourite being of him posing in the mirror, his cheeks spread giving you a clear view of the plug (if he was wearing one) else it'd be his fingers nestled deep within himself.

he dared to wear a plug during the day, but not for long in case of injury. he enjoyed it, a lot. the feeling of knowing what he was doing, what he was wearing made him anxious and nervous. what if everyone else could tell what he was doing? what if he got spotted? he was thriving off the thrill, the adrenaline.

before all of this started, changbin never considered himself to be a switch or a sub. he vowed to himself that he was a dom and a dom only because there was something about feeling in control that he enjoyed so much. however, seeing you behave in the way you have been, treating him with the utmost respect and care, like he is a delicate rose, made him realize that he likes to be taken care of much more. 

something inside you both changed since the training. it's sparked something, making your sex life feel more worth it and special. the fact that changbin is putting all his trust in the palm of your hands, fills you up with so much excitement that you're buzzing. seeing your lover walk through the door, flush skin and doe eyes as he trails himself to you whilst begging for you, shakes you to your core.

you want to play with him just that little bit more. the sadistic side of you wants to torment him, leave him high and dry. you want to hear him beg for you to touch him, to relieve him of his ache. you want to hear him sob as tears fall down his pretty face; but not yet. you know it's far too soon for that. you're aware that changbin is still getting used to being a sub as are you being a dom.

you love being penetrated by changbin. you love feeling him inside and watching his brows furrow together as he fucks you slow and deep. you love knowing that he is losing all composure because of your warmth, your sounds and the way you smell and taste; however, since training, you've found yourself to enjoy giving more than receiving.

“i think–” changbin pants, breathe fanning against your lips, “i think i'm ready.” you pull away slightly from your naked lover, changbin staring at you as he bites his lip gently.

“are you sure?” changbin hums as he nods his head.

“positive.” you give him a warm and gentle smile before moving off the bed to grab the thing you've both been preparing yourselves for for months–the strap-on.

you walk to your lover as he watches you with his beady eyes. he shuffles on to his knees, sitting back on his feet as if he's awaiting your instruction.

“i know i keep asking baby, but, are you sure sure?”

“i've never been so sure about something in my life, yn. i trust you and wouldn't want to do this with anyone else but you.” his voice is soft and sincere as his eyes hold nothing but love and trust for you. you feel heat rush up your neck to your cheeks, butterflies becoming resident in your stomach as they flutter around.

“gosh i love you.” you mumble as you put on and prepare the strap-on. 

“i love you too.” you shuffle onto the bed to rest against the headboard. changbin watches you, feeling unsure on what to do. he wants to do something, he has that urge, that tingle in his fingers–but he's too scared and embarrassed to initiate anything.

“how would you like to do it, bun?” 

“i want to–” he mumbles, playing with his fingers as his cheeks flush pink, “i want to ride you.” 

“of course baby! anything to make you feel comfortable. but there's one thing you have to do first.” 

changbin swallows before shifting to lie on his back. he parts his legs, giving you full view of his plug that's nestled in his ass. he trails one hand down his chest and soft tummy until he feels the material of the plug and the big pink heart gem that's decorating the end.

“pretty.” you mumble, admiring how the pink gem finishes off the look. changbin gives you a whimper as he slowly pulls the plug out from his hole.

“fuck..” he whispers. he shivers as the plug is removed from him, throwing it on the bed. you clench your jaw as you watch his hole contract and glisten from the lube. 

“you've gotten so good at this now, bun. i'm so proud of you.” you coo. changbin whines softly as he shuffles onto your lap, legs either side as he hovers over the strap-on.

“i couldn't have done it without you, yn.”

“no?” you ask, reaching for the bottle of lube. you squirt some onto two fingers, reaching behind your lover to circle the rim of his puckered hole.

“n-no.” he shakily whispers. you let out a simple hum before pushing two fingers inside with ease. changbin lets out a shakily breath, feeling himself clench around your digits as you pump them. you caress his walls, fingertips brushing against his prostate.

his forehead makes contact with your shoulder as he pants heavily. he can see nothing but stars, his body slowly becoming consumed with pleasure as you continue on with the assault to his prostate. you kiss his cheek gently as you continue to tell him how well he is doing, changbin giving you short, laboured pants as he shivers and grips onto you.

“yn.. please.. i don't–i don't need to be stretched out.” 

“don't underestimate it baby. we have to be sure.” 

“o-ok but please.. hurry.” he begs. you give him a small chuckle, fingers caressing and scissoring his hole. changbin gives you a series of long moans and groans, his eyes fluttering shut as he basks in the pleasure.

“ok.” you say as you slowly pull your fingers out of him. his hole clenches around nothing, dissatisfied from the sudden empty feeling. “i think you're ready.”

you grab the lube, squirting some on the palm of your hand before coating the strap-on. changbin watches you, his heart rate picking up in speed because now is the time. he's dreamt of this for so long, prepared himself for weeks for this final moment.

“ready whenever you are baby. remember to take it slow and steady. don't rush, remember what we've been talking about.” changbin nods slowly before reaching behind him. he keeps one hand on your shoulder to steady himself as he grips onto the base of the strap-on. you hold him gently, watching his every movement as if you're ready to pounce on him if you see any signs of discomfort.

he guides the strap-on to his hole, gently nudging it with the tip and occasionally rubbing his hole to smear lube around. he takes a deep breath in before slowly lowering himself down on it. all the while, you stroke his waist, praising him as he slowly sinks down.

he's hole engulfs the strap-on, stretching his hole even more. he didn't think that could be possible with all the anal training however, you were correct–never underestimate.

“s-shit.” changbin shakily whispers out, his fingertips sinking into your shoulder blade, his cock angry and hard.

“are you ok baby??” you ask, worry lacing your voice as you notice changbin's brows furrowing together and eyes fluttering close.

“more than ok.” he groans, allowing himself to sink down further to stop half way. “i feel so… full.”

“do you feel good, binnie?”

“fuck.. yes…” 

“move when you wa–” your sentence cuts short, cheeks flushing red as changbin wastes no time in bouncing on you. you swallow thickly, watching your lover embrace and indulge in his pleasure and high. he uses his thighs to help himself bounce faster, loud moans escaping past his lips on their own.

“pretty…” you whisper. you scan his face, hair and mainly his body. you take in how perky and pink his nipples look, how his cock bounces in time with his own bouncing. his curls match the movements as the tips slowly become soaked with sweat and stick to his forehead. 

“yn.. yn.. good, so good!” his eyes flutter open, doe eyes staring back at you. his cheeks a beautiful pink colour as his bottom lip is plump from the kissing and biting.

“c'mer.” you groan, pulling changbin to you by the back of his head. your lips clash and collide together. a sloppy yet coordinated kiss that's mixed with breathy pants and saliva. you tangle your fingers in his curls, gently tugging at the roots as changbin dares to lower himself further down onto the strap-on. 

he lets out a sudden shriek, pleasure overrunning his mind and taking over. the tip of the toy has successfully brushed against his prostate causing him to do nothing but whimper and give you breathy moans.

his thighs burn from having to constantly tense up. his movements become slow and sloppy. he looks at you, his features begging you to take over–so you do.

you hold onto his lower back as you gently lower him down onto the sheets. you situate yourself between his legs, slowly thrusting inside him. you only pick up the pace when you see changbin's head flop side to side, lips parting as he allows his moans to free fall past his lips.

“love you. i love you so much.” he whimpers, fingers wrapping around his length. he pumps himself in time with your movements, his thighs shaking and fist bundling the sheets.

“i love you too, bun. you're doing so well for me. you're so beautiful, so special to me.” you coo, reaching down and letting your fingertips brush against his sensitive nipples. he whimpers as he watches you stroke, tug and roll his nipples between your thumb and finger. 

“my pretty baby.” changbin swipes his thumb over his soaked tip, oversensitivity causing him to shiver and whine. the pit of his stomach is hot and tight, his orgasm fast approaching; much faster than usual.

“i might.. i think…” he shakily pants out. you give him a nod and a loving smile.

“it's ok bun. you can cum.” with a final tug of his cock and a brush of his prostate, his orgasm hits him. his cum shoots out onto his stomach, his desperate whines fill the bedroom as he lazily tugs his penis to ride out his high. you slow down in your movements to help him ride it out as well as come back down from his high. all the while, you continue to praise him, to speak to him so he knows that you're there and that he should come back to you.

his arms and legs flop onto the bed, exhaustion talking over. you pull out of him slowly, taking off the strap-on and placing it to the side to clean later. you lay beside changbin to kiss his cheek gently.

“what about you?” he asks, moving his head to the side to look at you. you blink a few times, confused as to what he is saying.

“what do you mean, bun?”

“well, you haven't.. yknow.”

“oh! i'm fine binnie.” you smile. “its about you, not me.”

“i know but i want to make you feel good too.” he says with a pout, lifting himself up to sit upright. you follow suit, stroking his sweat coated hair.

“you do make me feel good bunny. seeing and hearing you feel so good because of me is enough to make me feel high. knowing that you love and trust me enough to do something like this is magical, changbin. you don't have to worry about me, i promise. plus, there will be plenty of times for you to please me, i'm sure of it.” 

“mhm, ok yn. if you're sure though.”

“a hundred percent, my love.” you kiss his cheek sweetly before shuffling off the bed. you hold your hand out to him to which he takes. you walk to the bedroom together, putting on the shower and stepping inside.

you take turns to wash each others hair and body. it would have taken a few minutes but with you both continually kissing and hugging one another, it took around an hour to get cleaned up and dressed. changbin couldn't keep his hands or lips off you, your heart swelling once again with love from how clingy your lover has become.

he clings to you as you both walk to the living area. changbin sits on the sofa as you turn on the TV. you spin on your heels to walk to the kitchen to prepare food for you both; only to be stopped by a pouty changbin who is currently whining and going grabby hands at you.

“but food?”

“order? i want cuddles first.” he says, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. you melt on the spot, laughing softly as you walk to him. his eyes and face instantly light up as you sit next to him. he immediately rests his head on your lap as you take the sofa blanket and drape it over him.

“thank you.” changbin whispers. you look down at him as you twist his hair around your finger slowly.

“what for baby?” 

“for today. for this. for helping me in all of this. i couldnt have done with with a better person than you. i felt safe.”

“you did?” your heart leaping out off your chest, those butterflies fluttering erratically in your stomach.

“mhm.” changbin nods. “i always feel safe with you yn. you are my home after all.”

note: part of starry's treasure trove! this is the main and probably the most 'juiciest' part of the trove 👀 ik this wont be everyone's cup of tea but if you did make it this far, thank youuu!! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

tags (open): @sstarryoong ; @oshimee ; @septicrebel ; @bbujiikseu ; @cixrosie ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer ; @fairylouist

[vynnyal]

Oh my god I'm gonna cry all over y'all if you leave even one more nice comment,,,, hELP,,,

[lilysdaydreams]

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two  →    

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

[bldofthedrgn]

[fourteen] in every cosmos | han jisung smau

14 - irena

words : 581

prev | au masterlist | next

a/n : little written part here please remember to read that !!! jisung and y/n may be getting close but i never said i would make it easy did i ;) enjoy!

five days. that’s how long it had since you started this gut-wrenching routine of checking your phone every five minutes and jumping at every single notification you get hoping, praying, that it was changbin (it usually never was though).

thats it, you’d had enough. it was finally time for you to make the first move since it seemed changbin wouldn’t. 

hey binnie!! no wait that wasn’t right, too eager. 

whats up changbin? nope, too “im one of the bros”

hey bin :) perfect.

and sent, now all that was left to do was wai- *ping*

c - hey y/nnie wsp :)?

y - nothing much, can we talk though? 

c - yeah sure whats on your mind 

y - lets meet in person. the usual place at 2? 

c - oh alright sure see you then

you haven’t been this anxious to do something in such a long time. most of the time you’re usually confident and sure of the things you do, but this time you couldn’t tell if this was the right thing to do. for once you weren’t confident in your actions. 

“hey y/n!”

turning around to greet the man you were about to pour you heart out to felt like the worlds most monumental task and you were graciously given the opportunity to do it now. looking at him, realizing what you were about to do, made you feel small. breakable. you never, ever, feel breakable.

“y/n? you good there?” his words brought you back to reality.

“huh? oh sorry yeah im okay i just zoned out for a sec i didn't take my nap of the day yet”

“you’re good, let’s order and sit down though.”

you nodded your head in agreement though inside you wanted to prolong having to have this conversation as long as possible. god, minho. why did he give you this idea? he was trying to help but right now it felt anything other than helpful. 

“so whats up? you said you wanted to talk right?” his voice startled you. you had been sitting there thinking about the fifty million ways you could confess your feelings to changbin without sounding like a complete dunce. 

screw it.

“right. well i’ll cut to the chase. i have feelings for you changbin. i really like you and before you say anything or reject me like im sure youre gonna do let me just talk. i figured you didn't like me because you never actually asked me out and i thought that whole set up with jisung was you finally making a move, hence why i was so dressed up because i thought it was a date and that you were standing me up but it turned out not to be that way and thats honestly why i was mad i didn’t even care about jisung being there i just was really hoping it was a date with you but now i have you here and you know and im rambling so im gonna shut up now and … changbin? are you okay?” 

he looked pale and his eyes were unfocused. he wasn't even paying attention? had he heard a word you'd said? is he ignoring you? what on earth was he staring at? 

“changbin?” you shook his shoulder, watching him slowly come back to reality. 

“i … i have to go.” he breathes out, throwing his hand off your shoulder and rushing out of the cafe so fast he almost knocked over the frosting delivery guy.

what the fuck?

taglist | @gyuville @kikivonpoopyhead @sohyeappy @enaluvs @mits-vi @spikertrash @dynarvot @jeongyucore @fairyyeo @milkybonya @muffin-man-is-sad

bold means i cant tag!! sorry :(

[timeloop-liz]

The narrator finding out he can “pick up” Stanley and carry him around.

This freaks Stanley the fuck out. Now even his choice of walking is taken from him. He really is nothing but a puppet now.

It started with Stanley slipping off the lift and The Narrator went to “catch” him. He had seen Stanley throw himself off the lift man times but this time was different. The look on Stanleys face said it all. He didnt want to fall. He looks so scared. So The Narrator panicked to help and did save Stanley. But this new power of his probably gets abused. Which causes Stanley so much distress.

Stanley goes through the wrong door only to be dragged back. After a run or two of The Narrator dragging Stanley through the freedom ending does he see how this is effecting Stanley.

Maybe when The Narrator finally sees what hes doing for the next run he doesnt and Stanley just sits there waiting. Thinking nothing he ever does matters. Mans got the sad. When he finally sees The Narrator isnt going to force him he gets up and cautiously makes his way through the office. He goes to the lounge just to see if The Narrator will take his choices away again. But nothing. So he just sits in there for a while. Knowing that even his ability to make choices is out of his control. He really is just a puppet a tool for The Narrator. Thinking that The Narrator simple got bored of dragging Stanley around and thought it would be more ‘fun’ which Stanley making choices. Thats all he is isnt. Someone elses Entertainment. The mans spiralling and probably having a mental break down in there.

Meanwhile The Narrator is sitting there “oh god what have i done to him” because thats not what he wanted at all. He just wanted to show Stanley his happy ending. He truely wanted Stanley to be happy and thought that ending was enough. After all it ends with Stanley being happy doesnt it? Clearly not. He messed up. How can he make it up to Stanley now.

Oh geeze liz started writing this was supposed to be a liz rambles not a liz writes. Well no more!! Im ending this here. Leaving it tagged as a ramble too fight me its too short to be a liz writes anyway. The format is wrong