#oh and also scared in 3 languages is a top 5 chan moments of all time

[shopcat]

my scared chan compilation 🙏

[veiledsilver]

Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

college! Jun

Anon requested: “hullo!!! can i request a college!au for jun? (in the point form and stuff) thank you && i love your aus and posts in general <3”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 2541

A/N: I legit thought this AU would be easy to write. Turns out, writing someone as a college student when you're not a college student is hard af. I apologize in advance if this was written poorly and didn't reach your expectations lolol -admin soph

double majoring in Performing Arts 

particularly in Dance Focus just like Minghao 

and a Theatre Arts Major in Acting 

has a scholarship so double majoring made it possible for him

having double majors made him really busy all the time 

but he still manages to have time for his friends 

whenever he has free time,

can always be seen in the picnic area of the Campus with his other major friends 

or usually with Minghao, Joshua, and Wonwoo reading in the corner of the university library 

talking about how the author should’ve just done this or that 

when they really should be reading up for the upcoming semester exam

"I dont understand why we need to learn about the history of tap dancing for a whole week." 

"Because the professor likes to give us busy work get over it." 

"Honestly just slap stuff on a paper and he’ll give you an A" 

"Shouldn’t you guys be studying on your upcoming Music Theory test." 

"Shush Joshua." 

or in the studio going through the choreo he, Minghao, Hoshi and Chan made for a performance project and the upcoming winter recital 

or just staying in his dorm, catching up on sleep 

when a show is announced to happen 

he works double 

like seriously

the shows are where theyre able to showcase their talents and what they major in 

so performance majors and theatre majors are made to perform on the same day 

and it stresses him out a lot but he always make sure to do his best 

he has to make and memorize like 2 choreographies with his dance team for the dance performance and has to memorize his lines and get into his character for his acting performance 

even with all these work he would still try to try other things 

like singing and rapping ∙

he can sing pretty well to be in fact but just like Minghao, people wont give him vocal lines for shows smh

outside his major classes, he only chose to take one minor course and that was Linguistics in Korean Language 

thats the only course you both have together actually 

youre an Astronomy Major 

and the only courses you take outside of your major is Linguistics and History 

you have been in Korea for some time now but you still haven’t mastered the language so you thought the Linguistics course might help

you and Jun dont talk much though 

the only time you two were able to talk was when the professor partnered the two of you together and made you guys differentiate different satoori accents 

and that one time you bumped into him on your way to the library 

you also always see him in the picnic area with his friends when you wander around different departments 

sometimes you would sit either on a bench or under a tree, reading a book and you would hear music coming out of a speaker near you 

and you'll see Jun with his dance team practising 

you also noticed how different he is when he is with his friends 

in class, he is this quiet reserved guy sitting at the back, listening to the professor while spinning a pen around his fingers 

with his friends, he is really outgoing and a huge dork 

you would hear him exchanging jokes with Wonwoo and you would quietly laugh at how corny it is 

"What did the dog say to the wall?" 

"Jun stop it's now funny an-." 

"Wolwol" woof woof" in korean

"Aish. Why am I even friends with you?" wonwoo mutters as he quietly think of a better joke

you also would hear him messing around with Joshua 

"Im still offended that you didnt want to go biking with me again after what happened last semester." 

"Hyung. When we got back I honestly thought I was going to pass out right there and then. And you kept leaving me behind." 

"Because you kept taking selcas whenever we took a break, istg Junhui."

and you would hear him talking about a dance he found on youtube with Hoshi 

"They werent hitting the beats on time." 

"Yes but they were expressing the lyrics with their dance." 

"But hitting the beats with the dance moves would look better. And with the dance moves they’re doing, its possible." 

and mostly him just annoying Minghao 

"Jun I swear, stop."

"Were getting all thug now are we?"

"wE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK ABOUT THAT." 

okay so you were just sitting alone in the University Library, studying for your upcoming test about Astronomy History 

when someone just sat down infront of you 

causing you to slightly jump back from your seat 

"Oh jesus christ jisoos chirst Jun, you scared me." 

"Sorry, my friends wont let me study in peace and all of the tables are taken and you’re the only one I know. I was just wondering if I could study here instead?" he softly smiles at you hopefully

your internally squealing at how adorable he looked with that smile with his messy hair and black hoodie and sweatpants asdfdksla

"Yeah of course, no problem." 

"Thank you." 

and with that, he brought out his books and you both were studying quietly

you can see him looking at you every once and a while 

it made you anxious tbh 

because you thought you had something on your face 

a few minutes later he just put down his book and spoke 

"We don’t talk that much, what major are you?" 

"Im an astronomy major" you replied as you close your book 

"You study space. Wow. Well, I double major in Performance Arts and Theatre arts. " 

you nod, "yeah I see you in shows and recitals. " 

"Oh so you watch me," he smirked, teasing you

you try not to let the blush creeping up show, but before you can reply,

"Im just kidding~ " he chuckles, smiling at you 

"just study" you huff, jokingly being annoyed, that pink flush on your cheeks

 you wont deny that Jun is pretty handsome

and pretty dAMN HOT

and you were pretty sure that you were just attracted to his face since you still dont know him that well 

so you were confused as hell as to why you were blushing and your heart was beating so fast

minutes passed and you still were thinking about why you and your face reacted like that

you didnt even notice Jun looking at through the top of his book

and glancing up, you looked right back at him 

both of your gazes meeting 

you wanting to look away but his eyes, they sparkled like the shining stars you see through a telescope

it looked like a whole different galaxy 

you were able to regain your self-control and you averted your gaze back to what you were reading 

so you didn’t see him stare at you longer for a moment, dazed by your eyes

tired of studying, you have just been rereading the same paragraph over and over again 

you just wanted to go to the student cafe and get a mocha latte 

somehow, Jun read your mind 

"You have been staring at that page for forever, you wanna take a break and go the cafe?" 

"Did you just read my mind Wen Junhui?" you chuckle

"What if I did y/l/n y/f/n?" 

"Then you should already know my answer" you wink playfully

he just grins at your response 

on the way out, you guys passed by Junhui's table of friends 

one of them was a girl 

so you figured that it might be one of his friends girlfriends 

"Me and y/n are going to the student cafe, if you need me, I'm there," Jun said to them before waving goodbye 

the whole 10 minutes walk to the cafe was filled with a lot of talking 

Jun told you about how he met his friend Minghao 

how he literally spat on his face on their first meeting because of his braces 

you told him why you decided to move to Korea 

why you decided to take Astronomy 

arriving at the cafe, you both ordered your lattes and sat at a booth near the window

as you both were talking, the conversation got kind of serious

Jun told you about why he chose two majors 

because he didnt want to limit himself to only one

and that he also found his passion for dancing growing through the majors he took 

the two of you talked about how its hard to be away from your loved ones 

mostly about yourselves was the main topic 

after hours that seemed like minutes of talking, 

you both exchanged numbers and went back to your dorms 

you both started hanging out a lot after that 

he memorized your schedule, you memorized his 

knowing when the other was free, the two of you also had this cycle 

he would visit you in your department, get a latte, and walk to the library 

sometimes you would be the one who would visit him 

but the cycle goes on 

you learned a lot about him 

you learned that he is basically this tall cat person who is a big dork on the inside 

he would text you lame ass jokes at 3am 

he would even call you at 3am just to remind you that he is handsome

which is true, but he didnt have to wake you up at 3am to remind you that

and the more the two of you hung out, the more your feelings for him deepens 

he is just this precious dork that you want to protect 

today was Jun's free time 

before you could text him and ask if he wanted to hang out, 

he beat you to it 

‘A little birdy told be were both free. Do you want to stop by at the studio and hang out with us? :>’ 

‘Sure Hui. Are they okay with me being there?’ 

‘Of course, dont worry about it." 

"Okay see you in a bit." 

you decided to buy lattes for everyone before going to the studio 

they’ll be tired from practising so you really didnt mind buying 5 lattes 

when you got there, they were sitting in the middle of the room, sweating and panting 

you greet them and hand them their lattes

"Thank you y/n~ Jun your girlfriend is the best." Hoshi giggles, making you stutter

 "I-I’m not his girlfriend,” you say half chuckling

"Yet." he whispers, you not hearing

you have only hung out with his friends a few times 

but they already made you feel like you were part of the group, talking with them for hours 

they even let you watch the recent dance they made for a project

and ofcourse, they kept teasing you and Jun

"Jun how dare you let your girlfriend walk around campus alone." 

he glances at you, with a look you can’t decipher

"She isn’t my girlfriend."

after a while, you decided it was time to go back to your dorm 

you said your goodbyes to them before going 

"You like her. Be honest." Minghao says as he nudges Jun 

"Maybe I do, she doesn’t feel the same." Jun sighs

"Theres only one way to find out." Hoshi points out, grinning 

"Ask her out." Chan says as he pats Jun on the back 

"I will." Jun smiles at them, trying his best to be confident 

okay so your request of using the observatory room has been accepted

today was your free time, so what better way to spend it other than stargazing 

you invited Jun but he still hasn’t responded 

so you went there on your own 

you honestly liked being alone with the stars 

it made you feel at home 

after staying there for a while Jun texted you saying that he’ll be there in a few minutes 

when he came, you were laying down on the floor and just looking up in the sky 

so he just lays down next to you 

it stayed like that for a few minutes 

"Did you know that we’re basically made from stardust? Its amazing to think that those beautiful stars are made from the same thing." you say, breaking the silence 

"Is that really true?" he asks, turning to you 

"I like to believe that its true” you say softly, continuing to stare

"It probably is. Because ever since we talked, you have been my brightest star in my darkest days." he said in a whisper like manner,

but you still heard it 

you didnt say anything else 

your heart was beating rapidly at this point 

you were honestly biting the inside of your cheek just in case you were dreaming 

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

you were basically freaking out inside 

"What?" you ask nervously

"....I was just wondering...if you want to go have dinner with me sometime?" he asks shyly 

"Like a date?" you say, turning to stare at him

"Doesnt have to be! Lets just pretend I didnt say that" he says quickly 

"Oh, too bad. I was gonna say yes." you reply, teasing him

"....really?" his eyes brightening

“Yes Hui." 

with you still laying on the floor, he sits up, grabbing your hands

staring down at you

"Then I take it back,” he smiles happily, “Will you go have dinner with me sometime?"

"I would love to Junhui." you reply, smiling back

and so he lays back down, closer to you this time

your shoe grazing his leg

his hand gently looping your fingers in his

when Junhui told his friends that the two of you were dating, 

almost in unison, "WE KNEW IT!!" 

after a while, it started spreading across Junhui's department and yours 

you honestly didnt know it would be this big of a deal 

Jun would always visit you 

AND I MEAN ALWAYS 

even on days where he is really busy, he would still visit you 

you find it really sweet 

and loving that smile that would light up on his face, 

you would also visit him at his studio 

the boys have taken you in as one of them 

it feels like you’re a part of this big family 

and Jun being cheesy, for the first and last Saturday of every month,

he would reserve the observatory and you two will spend your free time there 

he would put a blanket on the floor and bring food 

and you two would stargaze, eat and talk for hours

or Jun saying pick up lines for hours

"I must be the Sun and you must be Earth, cause the closer we get, the hotter you become." he says winking 

"Jun...why." you say, covering your face in slight embarrassment

"No~ dont cover your face. I want to see the way stars shine in your eyes." he replies cheekily

"Jun one more I swear. Where do you even get all of these?” 

you say questioning why you fell for this huge dork

as you blush really hard

“from my love for you”

Jun honestly loves making you blush 

looking at you, awed by your rosy cheeks

pulling you in close and wrapping his arms around you 

he kisses your head 

“My love for you is like the universe. Incredibly big and expanding vastly everyday."

MASTERLIST

[sambart93]

2017.06.12 Touken Ranbu Stage: Akatsuki no Dokuganryu [Review]

2017.07.03: Guys I’m going to be honest... I do/did NOT want to write this review. I was so so so so so excited for this stage that my expectations and the story I had in my head were just impossible to reach. 2017.07.23: I still don’t want to post this but it’s done so I will.

SO this review is going to be somewhat different. I’ll split it up: My NON-SPOILER review will be written after I’ve seen it a second time so it’s more fair. Then the spoiler review will be split into: My Expectations, My Experience on June 12th and how it went on July 14th. I hope it’s not too confusing!

***Seriously guys, be prepared for negativity in the June 12th one.

Official Site here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 Video Coverage 1 My Honnoji no Hen Saien Review here

CAST and CHARACTERS

Suzuki Hiroki as Mikazuki Munechika Aramaki Yoshihiko as Yamanbagiri Kunihiro Wada Takuma as Kasen Kanesada Naya Takeru as Sayo Samonji Higashi Keisuke as Shokudaigiri Mitsutada Hashimoto Shohei as Taikogane Sadamune Kento as Tsurumaru Kuninaga Ino Hiroki as Ookurikara Tomita Sho as Date Masamune

NON-SPOILER REVIEW Overall: If we take out all the biasness: this stage is a solid good second installment; as usual the staging, the lighting, the projection mapping, the script, the lines, the costumes, the action are all high quality. The story is emotional as expected, and it has more comedy moments than the last one. We get a lot more development on the characters and their relationships. Naturally there’s conflict between the swords too which makes it more interesting. There’s a few shockers here and there too so be prepared with tissues. However, I personally found this stage way too long and rather underwhelming. I read spoilers before the show and had this hugely different story built in my head. Adding that with my impossible expectations; I found this stage just okay. I also wanted it to be super dark which I didn’t get so that’s why my personal review of this is somewhat negative. If you want comedy, you’re gunna love this stage. If you wanted gritty and dark like me, you’re not going to like it as much. I DID enjoyed it more on my second viewing and understood the story a lot more and found more parts that I liked. Also this stage really helped solidify my love for Sayo and ShoSan <3 and, I really do like Ino as KuriChan. BUT I still found it too long, a lot of things (especially involving the projection screen) could’ve easily been cut out to make the story more bearable, and it wasn’t nearly as dark as I wanted, nor did the actual story beat the one I’d made in my head. I am also disappointed by how much of the comedy was actually completely scripted. Non-Bias Rating: 8.5-9/10.  Bias Rating: 7/10

---

Phew! Now to get to the nitty gritty of this review... psst. It’s freaking LONG. Almost as long as the play itself so you’ve been warned.

SPOILER REVIEW

MY EXPECTATIONS: So I was a bad girl and read some of the spoilers on twitter after the very first showing of this stage. And the two that stuck with me were: Kuro/Black-Tsurumaru and All of Dategumi shiken’d.  So in my mind I made this story of: Everyone except Manba and Sayo go into the past and during that trip, Tsurumaru decides to turn bad and betrays all the swords, thus has to fight the rest of Dategumi (along with Kasen) and actually breaks them all and they all essentially die. This leaves Jiji who has to defeat and break/kill Tsurumaru. In the end, Jiji is the only one out of the six of them alive to return to Honmaru.

I had a fucking badass story - did I not?! And sadly... I was very, very wrong and this did not happen at all.

What REALLY happens is: The enemy attacks all 6 of them, and this forces all the dategumi to shiken. THEN one of the enemies takes Tsurumaru, who sacrifices himself so the other swords are safe, and possess him hence how he becomes Black Tsurumaru. So the other five have to fight Enemy-Possessed-Black-Tsurumaru and, for some reason, defeating Tsurumaru only defeats the enemy and does not equal to Tsurumaru being destroyed; in fact he’s absolutely fine and back to normal in the end.

Surely mine’s still the better one, right? I still think so at least. How did I come up with a better and darker story than Sue-freaking-Mitsu?!

ALSO! In the last stage, so many times Jiji is like ‘you’ll be fine if I’m never not here.’ and ‘I think everyone’ll be fine so long as you’re here (Manbachan) even if I’m not’. SO - correct me if I’m wrong, does this or does this not, imply: JIJI IS SUPPOSE TO FUCKING DIE/BE BROKEN SOON?! So I also went in with the expectation and hope that Jiji would die this time too. But he doesn’t! So what the fuck was all that in Honnoji no Hen all about?! So yes, another disappointment on my side.

I also had the expectation of this being very, very dark. In the first TouStage we got this very dark, depressing, question life mood. SO I was expecting this one to be dark, if not, darkER than Honnoji no Hen and honestly that’s what I wanted. I wanted ‘heart ripping, cried until you weep��� Messiah/HakuMyu style pain. But I didn’t get it! I was only sad/shocked/emotionally affected in ONE scene and for about only 30 seconds. TouStage 2 is not dark at all. It has WAY too much comedy for what I wanted and expected. So that’s another thing I was disappointed in.

High expectations + thinking of a much better (in my opinion) story + wanting something dark + set ups from the last stage not being fulfilled = ALL led to me being overly disappointed and very blasé and underwhelmed about this stage for a long time. Even now I’m still very in my head and trying to figure out how I feel about this.

And now you know why I’ve held off writing this review for so long.

ANYWAY! Now lets get onto this like scenes that happened, higawaris and stuff.

Warning: Excessive language coming up. Also, if you like Kasen then I highly suggest you skip the two-ish paragraphs where I talk about him; because I hate him and have nothing good to say about him.

PS. On June 12th I had done a full day of work, had been up since 5am and I was tired as fuck. So unfortunately I walked out of that theatre feeling ‘thank god that’s over. I was so bored...’ I had no emotional attachment to this stage at all. Sorry....

June 12th:

Part One

There is a scene towards the beginning of the play with Shokudaigiri and Taikogane (eventually Kasen does turn up). There’s quite a few moments here. The first is when Taiko first, first comes out, I think Shouhei slipped/tripped a little going up the slope. But I can’t really confirm this without a second viewing. Then, Taiko sees Shoku and goes running towards him and TonChan ended up spinning Taiko around a lot and he landed ON his farming tool xD Then towards the end of this scene Taiko like spins a root or herb in Kasen’s face. 

Another thing I felt was a mistake is the first scene with Jiji and Tsurumaru where I think Jiji accidentally spoke too fast and cut Tsurumaru off a little bit so Tsurumaru jumped a little when he got cut off -- but this very well feels scripted too. Soon after this scene Manbachan turns up and of course Tsurumaru tried to scare ManbaChan, but he got used to it so Tsurumaru yelled again, but there was no reaction. Tsurumaru’s only idea after that was to lift Manba’s cape up and hug him from underneath. ManbaChan was not pleased xD but it was a good moment.

And then the opening comes and, I shit you not, they DON’T do ‘Hajimeyou’ what the actual fuck!?!?!? What. the. actual. fuck. And the opening and ending songs are not good this time around.... they’re very... underwhelming in comparison to Honnouji no Hen. I don’t like them. Yeah the music overall isn’t as good this time.

We quickly get to the new segment called MITSU’S KITCHEN and here he’s making Zundamochi. ManbaChan had the cutest apron/kappougi on over his Uchiban and cape. He was helping Shokudaigiri -- although to be honest all Shoku did was explain the instructions and ManbaChan had to grab the plates of food which weren’t in the right order so he was frantically searching behind the kitchen counter. And for the final plate, ManbaChan couldn’t find it and mouthed ‘nain da // it’s not here’ to which Jiji stood up and pulled the plate out of his top. Then Shoku and the team were talking about something, I wasn’t pay attention because ManbaChan walked to the right hand of the stage, knelt down and sulked for a bit, before he overheard them talking about Sayo and he pretended that Sayo was in front of him and tried to pat his head. Then he tried to undo his apron. It was a hilarious sight to see. He tried to grab it from the back and that didn’t work so switched his hands over and then part-way through his struggle, Ookurikara walked in and saw ManbaChan. ManbaChan stopped what he was doing and looked at him, Kuri-chan had to cover his mouth and look away a little so he didn’t laugh, and the entire audience cracked up. Then ManbaChan moved to the other side of the room and struggled to undo his apron while stood up. I have no idea what the main discussion was about. I was so focused on laughing (a lot) at ManbaChan and his damn apron.

We jump to another scene where ShoSan and co. have been drinking and they walk through the aisles. ShoSan did his staple, sitting on everyone’s seats and almost on them. He did it with like the 3 or 4 right-side aisle seats at the front. I couldn’t help but die with laughter because that’s so ShoSan xD He also started talking about zundamochi -- apparently it’s Date’s favourite sweet(?). Soon after this fun time though ShoSan gets serious and starts yelling. That was well done acting.

There’s a cute scene where Taiko and Shoku (and Tsurumaru?) watch Kurichan train and Kuri’s like ‘I know you’re there’ xD

NOW, Lets get to the problem child: Kasen. I fucking hate this son of a prick bitch. Oh my fucking god. I never liked him in the game and I got super, super pissed off at him in the stage. Kasen is such a pompous prick! He’s such an arsehole. Especially, OH MY GOD, especially when Kasen is on the roof with Sayo, and Sayo is like ‘why don’t you apologise to Ookurikara?’ and his answer is ‘why should I apologise?’ what a cunt. Oh my god, I cannot. I don’t understand how people like him. He’s a complete prick. Sorry if you like him but fuck me... I was about ready to get out of my seat, go on stage and murder Wada during one scene that happens later (I’ll get to it)! Kasen is just.... I can’t... 

Anyway, back to getting my blood pressure down...

***

A comedic thing that didn’t happen on purpose was the freaking set breaking down. It wasn’t as obvious in part one but there was one moment in part one when the sets were changing over and part of it got caught on the edge and they couldn’t pull it properly off stage for ages.

Jiji is once again suspicious as hell in this stage. He has a scene towards the end of part one with Manbachan and he says ‘Manba ha kako janaku mirai. / Manba is not the past, but the future’ which is like ‘hurry up and die already Jiji then!’ He’s been dropping hints for two (technically 3) stages long that he’s gunna up and disappear or get broken/die. If you’re not gunna live up to the expectations writing team then don’t put these things in! I know Suzuki brings in a lot of money for you, and I know Jiji is like one of the most favourited sword in Touken but come on!!! Just kill him off already! At least that’s what I want! xD It’s at the beginning of this scene where ManbaChan is worrying about how he’s going to talk to Sayo, and Jiji opens his arms and is like ‘sunai ni nare! // be more honest and open’ and also says ‘do you want a hug?’ but of course ManbaChan doesn’t take the offer xD he should’ve done though. But then the scene turns scary when Jiji gets super angry and yells at ManbaChan. It was a totally believable moment and was some superb acting on Suzuki’s part. But yes, Jiji is suspicious as fuck still. Speaking of suspicious! Tsurumaru is too! Towards the end of part one he says something like ‘it’s you (Jiji) who I want to surprise the most’ to which I was like ‘ooooh my story/expectation of him choosing to turn into Black-Tsuru is gunna happen!!’ but obviously it didn’t -__-

I also want to touch on how adorable Manba is every time he tries to talking to or imagines talking to Sayo! He’s so adorable and nervous and just doesn’t know what to do! It’s cute as hell! And also when Sayo is there, Sayo is just like trying to get out of the situations and walk away from Manba xD both of them are adorable!

OOOH! And also Tsurumaru suggests they go on a picnic, while on their trip into the past, to help the fix the bonds between them. Trust Tsuru to come up with that idea. So they go on their history travel trip and take a freaking picnic with them. Shikudaigiri brings a blanket but it only fits him and Taiko on! xD and then Taikogane used the rolled up picnic mat as a guitar and pretended to play it, but no one reaction; the guys on stage nor the audience, so he looked to the audience and encouraged us to clap. And so Taiko walked off a little embarrassed xD Actually there’s a lot of breaking the fourth wall and looking towards the audience this time around which usually I’d enjoy but for TouStage; I don’t want it.

So after this scene we see Sayo sneak off and on his own. He finds Oookurikara and here Sayo explains about his (sword’s) past and here the projection screen came down -- in fact the projection screen is used a lot this time around which really pissed me off. Anyone who plays Touken KNOWS what happened to Sayo and KNOWS the history of his sword; we don’t need a 10 minute (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One-style) animation explaining what happened to him! A WASTE OF TIME. He could’ve easily just explained it to him without the screen -- what the fuck... Oh dear I’m getting angry again... AND THEN after Sayo tells his story we see that Kurichan is finally ready to open up and talk about his master but FUCKING KASEN!!!!! (here we go) FUCKING KASEN WALKS IN ON THEM SO FUCKING SHUTS KURICHAN DOWN AND STOPS HIM! FUCK SAKE! HE WAS ABOUT TO FUCKING OPEN UP AND YOU FUCKING WALKED IN!!! OH MY FUCK GOD! FUCK YOU KASEN! You COMPLETE fucking stubborn PRICK! Ugh I hate him so much... Okay I need to go and calm down again.

***

Unfortunately the first half felt like the longest 70 minutes of my life. I was just spending it going ‘come on... come on... get to the fighting! Lets get to Black Tsurumaru already!’ but of course that isn’t going to show up until part two but still, with my brain on ‘impossibly high expectations’ mode, the first half went so slow that I couldn’t really enjoy it. I was thankful when the break came -- this is why I hate breaks because my brain is constantly like ‘okay, break here? No, okay.. break here?! No okay... here?!’ where as, when there’s no break, I can just watch it start to finish and not worry about the story’s half way point or where the break might pop up. My brain is weird...

OOOOO! One more thing that pissed me off about the end to part one; I know he’s the Zachou and I know he’s a super duper famous actor and Jiji is super duper famous but for fucksake, stop putting Jiji/Suzuki at the end! We get it, he’s popular so he has to have the last line and has to be the last on stage -- ugh. Just don’t please. It just made me role my eyes at how predictable they were. He was like ‘ooo I wonder what’ll happen next’ *cue break* just *sigh* bitch please. Don’t get me wrong: I like Suzuki but just the way Japanese stages are OBVIOUSLY structured and have this Japanese hierarchy going on, really does piss me off. God forbid someone relevant to the MAIN story like Shoku or Date closes part one of the stage.

Part Two

Moving on... seeing Date get angry was a very good scene! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Great acting on ShoSan’s part.

So a main part of this story is: because the swords keep failing to stop Date from being killed and such, they keep being sent back in time to relive the same day. Because of this plot point, we see almost the exact same scene about three times before the time loop stops. And I swear to god: I almost lost my shit when they showed the same scene for the third time. I literally slapped my hand against my head and whispered ‘oh my fucking god’ in the middle of the theatre. I was about to walk out. We didn’t need to see the (almost) same scene that many times. You could’ve cut it and saved like 10+ minutes.

Seriously, this stage didn’t NEED to be 3 - 3.5 hours long; SO much could've been cut out. It's SO LONG. They could’ve figured out the time loop quicker - FUCK, Jiji knew the entire time! Why didn’t he just fucking tell them?! They didn’t need to reshow the same scene every fucking, we didn’t need all this Sayo Animation Backstory shit. We didn’t need all these comedy scenes - I don’t even want this much comedy in my TouStage! Just fucking cut Kasen out completely please <--- okay this is me being dramatic and bias, he kinda is needed for the story. This easily could’ve been cut down by a good hour if I’d gotten a hold of the script!!! Just saying TouStage team! Hire Me! xD

Another rant over... now to the shocker of the stage! 

***

There was only ONE moment I was shocked and physically gasped at; Sayo getting attacked. I had no idea it was going to happen! He stops one of the enemies from attacking the other swords and takes the hit and seriously, his face when he looks towards the audience as he gets struck down -- my poor heart! I was HEARTBROKEN! This was the only time I cried the entire play. I was so dumbstruck. And because of this shocking moment; I have no idea what happened between this scene and when we get back to Sayo because I was too in my head going ‘is he alive?! is he okay?! hurry up and get back to him!’ so those 10-20minutes we spend away from Sayo, I’ve no idea what happened, I didn’t care; only Sayo mattered at that moment. Seriously, his face when he gets struck is BURNED into my head. It’s the stare you give when you take your final breath or when you realise ‘fuck this is gunna kill me’ type stare. It’s so terrifying. Huge kudos to Naya for this acting.

Going back to these doors not working! It was hilarious in part two! So after Sayo is okay, ManbaChan is like ‘lets go back in’ and he goes to the door but it won’t open (it’s like mechanically operated?) so MakiChan improvs and says 'Let's go around’, but the door partially opens just as they left the stage. Also at the end of the stage, (I think) KuriChan goes to open the door but again it malfunctions and he’s like ‘what’s with this?!’ and everyone is dying of laughter and ManbaChan was like ‘you gotta go around’ xD

Sayo’s almost being killed was the one thing that very emotionally hit me, but also seeing the Manba x Sayo fight hurt my heart somewhat. However, I really hate that (but I totally understand why) they split the two battles (Date vs DateGumi and Sayo vs Manba) up into sections so we constantly switched between the two, but I was just like ‘I really don’t care about DateGumi, just get back to Manba and Sayo’s fight already!’ So because of that I essentially missed the big fight; so personally it would’ve been better if they just did Manba vs Sayo from start to finish in one go and then go onto the DateGumi fighting; just for concentrations and impatient’s sake. I didn’t enjoy seeing Manba and Sayo fight; it made me sad. I knew neither would get seriously hurt but I love both of them so my poor heart... luckily they figure it all out in the end ^_^

Which reminds me! We have a scene after Sayo’s big attack, of Sayo recovering in bed (again -- call back to the Honnouji stage!) and ManbaChan goes to his room and is still struggling to talk to him. So much so, that Manba ends up talking to himself, very loudly -- Sayo can hear him the entire time -- and it’s very funny. Manba starts off very calm, trying to figure out how to talk to Sayo, but then he starts getting flustered and stands up and ends with ‘I can do it! Because 俺は偽物じゃない！・Ore ha nise mono janai!・I’m not a fake!’ and his does his staple cape flip. Everyone was cracking up laughing and Sayo is in bed looking at him weird like ‘I can hear you’ xD It’s a good moment. I love his cape flip every single time <3

By the way, I found it so fascinating and interesting how Japanese people pronounce Kebiishi compared to us foreigners. I know a lot of foreign people pronounce it (including myself) just like KBC but hearing them pronounce it; I was fascinated. It’s pronounced like ‘Ke (like KEttle)-BEE (as in the animal)-she (as in female)’ which is weird.. right? Just me? Okay! 

After DateGumi shinken, I really loved the very loud booms/bangs we have when the Danshi attack. We get these huge blasts of sound and these green light attacks. It very good and you can feel the bangs in your seat; very fun!

Before I talk about the end, little side note: KuriChan completely won me over in this stage! I was always pretty ‘meh’ about KuriChan in the game. In Hanamaru, I really loved his part in the garden (where he missed getting attacked by the three bothers chasing that stupid bird xD) where he smiles to himself, and when they tried to play Host with him that one time. But overall Kuri never really stayed in my mind. But in this! Oh my, I am SO proud of Ino. Maybe it’s because previous to seeing this stage I read an interview where he was very open about not having much confidence and doesn’t think he’s a good actor, so my heart went kinda soft on him and wanted him to do well. Hence why I spent the entirety of the play (when ManbaChan wasn’t on stage) focusing on him and I really do like Ino’s performance and I really like his KuriChan! Also he ran past my side during one of the fight scenes. Although I agree with others: that tan is not the best. And I’m annoyed KuriChan has the most conservative Shinken form ever -- where’s my skin?! xD But yes Ino as Kuri, I could watch all day. I really really like this KuriChan!

Tsurumaru’s Shinken form is soooo good! Kento really suits the one arm sleeve look <3 also I giggled because when he got captured by the enemy, the ensemble guy (in the enemy suit) had his hand over Kento’s nipple xD made me giggle.

So it ends with, all the swords being fine (unfortunately) and Tsurumaru is back to normal, and Shoku brings out this ramen stand. Taiko tries to do the noodle flip and the noodles went everywhere and he’s like ‘...oops?’ And Shoku is just panicking that noodles are all over is counter now xD  They gave the noodles to KuriChan which is adorable! And something happens that causes Sayo to smile and it’s the most adorable thing ever! Naya smiling is just the purest and cutest thing in the world anyway <333

And thus it ends with ManbaChan Jiji and Sayo, and Sayo is all dressed up and ready to go on a little journey by himself. He said he’ll be back though.. although I think it means he WON’T be back in TouStage 3 =‘[

Final side note: Shohei/Taiko's shorts xD holy moly they are SHORT and TIGHT. How did they not rip?! I’m fascinated how they didn’t rip! AND! There's like NO room to hide your boy parts yet he managed! What the.... xD

In true TouStage style they ended with an umbrella song Outro but oh my god, I almost died laughing. Just before this scene, it faded to black and two people in the audience started seriously clapping before very quickly realising that no one else was. They must’ve been so embarrassed. I was dying in quiet laughter in my seat. The umbrellas have changed a little this time (black and gold?) but were again very beautiful. But like I said earlier, the song wasn’t so great.

---

So yeah as you can see, I did enjoy a lot of parts but I told you: I wanted DARKNESS. I wanted PAIN and TEARS and ALL BAD THINGS from TouStage but I didn’t get it. While I may have laughed a lot and said a lot of positive things about this stage; this is not what I want from TouStage. I just wasn’t invested or emotionally moved this time around. I left that theatre SO fast and spent the entire train ride home like ‘why am I so full of...nothing’ I had literally no mental or emotional comments to make that night after it finished. But like I said RIGHT at the beginning: my expectations and what I wanted were crazy and none of what I wanted happened so I was left super shocked and on a major down...

I was actually very angry at myself for feeling so meh and underwhelmed and (god forbid) disappointed in this installment. So...

‘Underwhelmed’ 

is the right word for my experience of TouStage 2.

I’m not excited for the LV, I kind wanna cancel my BR preorder -- but I’m a dedicated MakiChan fan so I can’t cancel it to be honest. All I’m hoping for is that I have a better experience the second time around at the LV. That’s all.

Anyway... you can immediately see how the LV went here:

July 14th:

So I was able to enjoy it this time!!!! It’s still... alright, in my opinion and it’s still VERY long. But thanks to seeing it a second time around I got to see what was different and such from the previous showing. So here are my notes:

*A LOT of what I thought was adlibbed was actually scripted to a tee - a little disappointing. For example Shokudaigiri spinning Taiko around at the beginning, and Taiko spinning the weed in Kasen’s face. Also Mitsu’s Kitchen is completely scripted except for Ookuri’s reaction to Manbachan. Everything was exactly the same in both shows I saw.

*I love how Sayo just walks away from ManbaChan whenever ManbaChan tries to approach him in the beginning xD

*After Tsurumaru grabs ManbaChan under his apron, Jiji asked (maybe not only this time?) if ManbaChan was in a rebellious stage / Hankouki ka? xD

*I picked up this time that Kasen and Sayo had the same owner in the past and that’s why it’s always Sayo and Kasen paired together because they have history together? *reads Touken wiki* ahhh! They were both in the Hosokawa family for a time and that’s why they have the connection.

*Kasen’s owner is Hosokawa Tadaoki, yet he calls him Sanseisan for some reason(?!)

*I got confirmation that Shohei DID trip up during the opening scene on the 12th because he went up the stage fine during the LV

*Jiji IS meant to speak over Tsurumaru during that one scene so that wasn’t a mistake on Hiroki’s end.

*I was able to pick up this time that, during the picnic scene, they talk a lot about Donguri (= Acorns) as part of a comedy joke. Then later Jiji tries to also find Igaguri (= the shell around the acorn xD) and that annoys ManbaChan even more.  Also Jiji’s cute little flag when they go on the picnic.

*Taiko sang a slightly different song during the picnic this time but it sounded very similar to the one I heard.

*I really like some lines (sorry if they aren’t 100% but my memory xD): ・Tsurumaru (to Jiji): もっと驚かせるのはあなただ。/ I want to surprise you more. ・Sayo to Kuri: 聴かせてありがとう / Thanks for listening ・ManbaChan to Jiji: 近侍を変わってくれ / Please switch roles with me ・Jiji: 大きいの試練 / This is a big trial ・ManbaChan to Jiji: 普通のじじじゃんあい / You’re not a normal old man ・クソじじ / Kuso Jiji ・Date: てんかになりたかったんだ。/ I wanted to rule Japan.

*One question: Why is it only Jiji who remembers they keep reliving the same day?!

*Ohhhh! During one of the fights, I thought something went flying off stage but I don’t really have any evidence and no one else mentioned it.

*ShoSan didn’t sit on anyone this time during the drunk scene, but this time he put the zundamochi on top of one guys’s drink xD

*Holy moly you guys, I fell for ShoSan even more thanks to this LV. He did such a great job! Also his costumes are freaking gorgeous! I’m so thankful for the amount of ShoSan close ups we got!! Not only did we get good shots when he was being angry and being possessed and crazy but DAMN his final scene where we see him die -- thank you for that close up -- it really hit me in the heart. Just every time he came on, I just got more and more in love with his performance and his clothing. Like jesus serious props to the costume team, his costumes are so beautiful! When you watch the DVD/DMM Stream just look at how beautiful and colourful his outfits are! DAMN!!! But yeah, ShoSan slaying it as usual in acting.

*Did I already mention how gorgeous ShoSan’s costumes are?! xD

*When Sayo starts panicking when they meet Date and they couldn’t think of a good reason as to why there were there is totally adorable!

*I have a note here that just says: “Kento being all sexy”... wasn’t he sexy MOST of the time?! xD

*I am impressed with Jiji/Suzuki’s fighting at the end BUT it annoys me that Kasen and Jiji come RIGHT at the end to save the day -_-

*Cos I’m a perv, I noticed Ino had his armpits shaved. Don’t ask me how I got the shot xD

*Sweaty ShoSan was a great sight to see too <3

*I REEEEAAALLLY like Ino as Kuri. Like REALLLY like! I never gave much attention to Kuri til I saw Ino as him and I love everything that Ino does as Kuri!!! Sorry, not sorry xD

Back to more meaty comments?

*Still hating on Kasen at full speed.

*I burst out into laughter during the LV when Sayo got that killing strike because we hear Kasen go ‘SAYO!!!” and then the camera decided to zoom super fast into Kasen’s shocked face and I found it to be the funniest thing I’d ever seen; it was like a shot from a very bad ‘Who Done It?’ Mystery tv show. I felt bad for everyone around me but it was honest reaction, I found it absolutely hilarious. 

*I understood this time around that Tsurumaru essentially sacrifices himself in order to save the other swords from becoming Black/Bad BUT it’s still no where near as cool as what I had in mind. It’s a good enough plot point and I appreciate Tsurumaru doing that but ....

*The end scene is half scripted and half not; the whole giving Ookuri and Manba ramen is scripted and Taiko attempting to dry the noodles is scripted but he did it twice this time and it really caused a ruckus xD There was also an off screen part with Tsuru and Kuri where Tsuru wanted some of the drink and tried to steal Kuri-Chan’s but then you could just hear Tsuru’s mic ‘give me some’ and Kuri refuses. I wish that’d been on camera xD I’m so glad for all the Sayo close ups we got at the LV. When he smiled at the end, EVERYONE in the audience (in my cinema) whispered ‘kawaii’!’. Too right he’s kawaii! I liked him BEFORE it was cool!

*I actually cried this time! I remember crying but I don’t remember when... I think it was when ManbaChan and Sayo are half way through their fight and Sayo is just on the floor broken and yelling “why can’t I be stronger” =‘[  I almost cried at ShoSan’s final scene too.

*The music is just not.... good this time. It’s alright but nothing like actually getting my ear attention. I did notice they used the same battle music as Honnoji no Hen in this one.

*Turns out MY audience (June 12th) clapped at the wrong time. During the LV, the audience started clapping before the umbrellas came out, but we didn’t start until they started bowing DURING the ending umbrella song.

*The curtain calls at the end PISSED me off. I get people had to get the last train so they couldn’t spend a long time talking but DAMN they literally just said ‘Hi I’m ~ thanks for coming’ and that’s all! It was so unemotional too. And because it was so rushed the audience there were confused when it ended and just carried on clapping, (and we too) assuming we’d get a 3rd or 4th curtain call but nah, lights went up and announcements were like ‘thanks for coming! that’s all!’. It was SO weird.

----

And I am done!

How much do you ALL hate me now?!

I seriously want to read everyone else’s review of TouStage 2 so if you have one or know of someone who wrote one: PLEASE LINK ME!