#oh and ?? I haven't thought of a good tag for my personal posts yet ah

[thefourchimes]

lots of encanto AUs i want to talk about so here you go

so uh, i've been brain rotting and hyperfixating on encanto for a bit now, and its been very fun

tho i've barely talked about some of the ideas and aus i have and want to share, so i guess i want to do that now in a way, so uh... (mirabel voice) lets go lets go

List of AUs here:

Time Travel AU

Big Hero 6 AU

[Redacted] AU (not the au's actual name, hidden for reasons)

Ghost Cocoon AU (fusion idea au i came up with of the cocoon au by @raefever and ghost grandchildren au by @jerseyk112, both found in @gamerbearmira's blog)

Giftless Grandkids AU (idea by anon, also found in @gamerbearmira's blog)

Undertale AU

Gravity Falls AU

P.S. some of these au ideas are not originally mine, but i've contributed to them in some way, and i've credited and tagged the creators

More information of the AUs found below

1. Time Travel AU

first au i've ever thought about, cool hue sisters centered, because i love them sm and i was still finding my footing in encanto and the fandom when i thought of this au, and yeah

its where isabela and luisa get sent back to the past after going after and protecting mirabel as casita falls

i gained the idea after seeing how the two older sisters were still so terrified of alma and disappointing her that they couldn't stand up for mirabel and for themselves, but as casita was falling, they weren't about to let their baby sister go, not after everything

despite this being the first au, its also still really vague and barebones in a sense, not much planned yet and its all just vibes, plus i just really wanted a cool sisters au because i love them sm

2. Big Hero 6 AU

ah yes, big hero 6 au, my beloved

came to be when i figured out bear aka @gamerbearmira's reference in one of her encanto one shots, the scooby doo one where they got arrested, and she used bh6's aunt cass' rant for alma's rant in said one shot, and then it led me to realize the potential of encanto big hero 6 au with bear, so that was fun

there's a post in bear's blog for the au, so you can check it out

there's a bunch more info that we haven't shared yet, but it's all written up in the docs for it, so yesyes

honestly been a bit since i touched the au personally, as i keep getting distracted by the other ones below

but yeah, planning on exploring of this au soon <3

3. [Redacted] AU

ah yes, this au, the 120 and counting pages one in my docs

and the 120 pages are mostly just details and planning for the au, not a single written thing yet

this au is not called redacted au, but the name itself is redacted because the word itself is a bit of a spoiler and im still trying to find a better name for it in general

i have no idea how to explain this au

first thing to mention is how its very much inspired by Take Back the Kingdom by @optimistic-violinist and @impossiblefangirl0632 (sorry for the tag, i can take it out if you'd like) and i really really recommend this fic, its so so good and it changed my brain chemistry on so many levels

so yes, i really got inspired by this fic, and it will very much be shown in this particular au with some things and tropes, but ofc im doing my own spin on stuff and the details, and from what i have rn, i think it really evolved and is still evolving as time goes on

another thing to note about this is how the idea came to be because of TBTK inspiration and a dream i had on the day i was taking a metaphysics midterms exam (this is completely unnecessary to mention but oh well, i still remember that moment so vividly)

the dream impacted just exactly how this au is going to go

what is the dream about? you'll find out whenever i get to write this au

all i can say without spoiling much is that there are lots of memory shenanigans and angst, plus the very fun trope of "your found family is your actual family"

also once more, read take back the kingdom, very good fic, 11/10, much recommend, will reread again

4. Ghost Cocoon AU

this au is the fusion of the Cocoon au and the Ghost Grandkids au, both still found in @/gamerbearmira's blog

ghost grandkids au is from @jerseyk112 and cocoon au is from @raefever, and ofc bear has a lot of ideas and thoughts for these aus in her blog

i was rereading bear's cocooned fic for the 17123723507 time and while i was at it, i remembered the ghost grandchildren au, so i decided it would be pretty fun to fuse the two aus together in some way

and so i did (first ask, second ask)

basic premise of this au is really just the ghost kids' healing and them protecting their younger selves and their family

this fusion au interested me so much that it got to the point where i actually wrote a 3683 word first chapter of sorts(?) for this fusion au already (bear has seen it but i havent posted it at all)

planning on continuing it when i feel like it tho hehe

so yes its been wild with this one

5. Giftless Grandkids AU

giftless grandkids au, my beloved

just as the name says, au where all the grandkids are giftless

all i can say is everything and nothing changes all at the same time with this

this au was sent and suggested by an anon in bear's blog

this is also the one where bear and i went wild on for the past few days

pretty sure bear is gonna be writing this au, if im not mistaken? so its very exciting

there's a lot in store for this au and it'll be fun

6. Undertale AU

undertale au yesyes

not the type where the characters are these characters tho

this idea is where we'll be throwing the grandkids into the underground for an adventure of a lifetime!

so basically characters of one media meet characters of the other media type

and the kids are gonna be going through the plot of undertale, technically in frisk's shoes here

this au is still very vibes and not much planned, there's lots of potential to play around tho, so im thinking of exploring this at some point soon

7. Gravity Falls AU

gravity falls au this time!!

now this au is the one pure vibes one, absolutely zero planning or thoughts, just vibes and aspirations for it

not even sure if it'll be like the undertale au where characters of one media will meet characters of the other media or if it'll be characters from this media are gonna be these characters of that media in this au

i just thought it would be fun to have an encanto gravity falls au idea, but still dont know where it'll be going in general

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that's about it, there's actually a few more ideas i havent mentioned yet, but let's just say these ideas are exactly like the gravity falls au vibing no planning, except much worse in a sense, so i have no idea what kind of footing there will be at all with those aus

but anyway, i digress, these are some of the ideas and aus i have and would love to share and write and uh, yeah

if you have any questions on these aus, feel free to ask if ever, my asks are open (this is the first time im saying this in a post omg help)

but anyway yes the brainrot and hyperfixation is real

if you got here to the end, congrats have a pic of my dog for your effort and dedication <333 see you around <3

[aingeal98]

hello hello! i saw your post and need your thoughts and verdict (hypothetically) for yhk in the last chapter. what would yjh and hsy do once kdj woke up, what if he never woke up and remains unreachable to them after all the effort?

thoughts on doksoo/ joongdok centric and which (poignant) scene makes a neuron lit up and go ah, them. and makes you go crazy, like, every single scene might as well an orpheus and eurydice-d, such as that "cancel your skill, kim dokja"

DHGFVJDFGV sorry you're just such a joy to read on the tags as you go through the story on tumblr since the yhk tags are most often then not, lifeless

Aaaaa thank you for this it's a fun ask! :D

Personally I believe Dokja woke up. Both because I want a happy ending for them and because I wouldn't put it past yoohan to track down and kill everyone who read orv and imagined a sad ending. But also I think him waking up is only the first step. There's no way things aren't complicated afterwards because Dokja will feel guilty for putting his friends through the trauma of losing him and his friends will try and convince him that he deserves love and they don't mind but at the same time the trauma is real and it's there. So it's going to be a long road to helping him forgive himself even if they all have done so already.

I feel like YJH would be pushy at first. Like this is the guy who became a terrorist rather than try therapy. He wants to find meaning through Dokja, to ask Dokja how he's supposed to live now, and that's a lot of pressure that none of the others will want to fall on Dokja's shoulders. Which I think will be good for HSY because it let's her fall into the comfortable zone of yelling at YJH for being terrible at expressing himself and ignoring her own terrible emotions as much as possible in the mean time. So I kind of see it like:

YJH & HSY: Screaming clawing kicking biting each other outside the hospital because HSY thinks YJH is being too pushy with Dokja and YJH thinks he's helping both of them by asking Dokja for guidance and HSY is getting in the way of his recovery.

Sangah, calmly pouring herself and Dokja tea inside his hospital room: So I spoke to your mother today and she'll be here soon! Oh don't worry about those two they'll probably only break a few bones.

But then if he never did wake up... I don't think either of them would be able to truly move on. I think they'd keep hoping that he would get better and the longer he doesn't the more the likelihood grows that one of them snaps and comes up with another reckless life threatening plan to increase the odds of his recovery. I'm not sure what it'd be but I like to think HSY is the one that snaps first this time. Just goes up to YJH like "hey are you ready for me to subject you to more horrendous torment for the slim tiny chance that it could make Dokja wake up" and YJH is like "naturally".

Whether they actually succeed or whether their plan is so terrible and hopeless that Sangah has to step in and force them to accept he's gone (an impossible task but she'll push them as close to the acceptance stage of grief as she possibly can.) I'm not sure. Either way it'd be fun to read about. I haven't looked into the side stories yet but I'm curious if they might make me change my mind about any of this. For now this is how I imagine it going down anyways.

Doksoo are insane and they consume my every waking thought. Reading the webtoon after the novel is so crazy because HSY really shows up as this random villain and no one including her has any idea that she's one of the three most important people in the universe. Like she's just a little fella. A prankster who's pranks sometimes involve murder. And the way she and Dokja are so unimpressed by each other and have no idea how much they'll end up loving each other... I feel like rereading any early doksoo interaction is going to come with extra loud clown music like even Dokja calling her a plagiarist and Sooyoung being like ugh you're such a cliche like oh you dumbasses. You have no idea.

I enjoyed both doksoo and joongdok's early banter a lot like it always added a ton of energy into every scene. But the moments it really clicked for me was the whole reincarnation island arc for doksoo. Like reading his narration about Sooyoung it's like ohhhh my god he's down bad. He's as in love as I am. He doesn't even realise it but he is so enamoured by her. Like that was the moment I could see the potential for them to become as important to each other as they did. The foundation and foreshadowing was done so well, not one bit of their relationship progression felt unearned.

And then for joongdok I think it was their divorce era that really got me on board. Like they were fun in the early stages but once Dokja is convinced there's no going back and is actually emotionally vulnerable and honest with YJH and YJH gets to vent his own frustrations about being nothing more than a character... It really solidified their bond for me. It brought Dokja down to YJH's level rather than the reader he was trying to be to YJH's character. Plus we get HSY dying and traumatising Dokja for once instead of the reverse. It's what they deserve.

Also punisher and transfem YJH and everything that's implied in the novel and how that would add to to her dynamics with doksoo. Haven't gotten any solid thoughts on that yet but the concept is slowly taking a grip on me.

So yeah after the reincarnation island arc I was so fully on board with this ot3 and every single Orpheus moment that followed hit right into my heart.

Sorry this is so long and barely scratches the surface alsjsjdhdh. I'm still processing everything but man. What a story. What a trio. Wretched mirror soulmates with toxic codependency my beloveds.

[darkestrellar]

LITTLE MUSE FACTS.

Fill out the questions about your muse, repost, tag as many people as you want.

Tagged by @jocundcompany! Pls steal & tag me if you want

What does your muse smell like? Ah my weakness questions 😔 I don't know. I think he smells like whatever ambient smells of the place he's been hanging out, and then kinda sweaty if he's been running around a lot haha.

How often does your muse bathe/shower? When he feels dirty he'll take a shower. I don't think he likes baths as much as showers. He's the kind of person who'll stand for 20 years under the running water just because it feels good. Probably has the heat up too high as well.

At least once or twice a week I guess... depends what he's up to...

Does your muse have any tattoos or piercings? No tattoos - Svern has no particular interest in them, and would rather avoid them for the possibility of being used as an identifying mark. I've toyed with the idea of him having his ears pierced, though! He likes to play around with accessories and stuff. He should be allowed to wear cute earrings.

Any body movement quirks (EX: tapping heel, shaking knee)? Svern mimics some fidgety behaviours, like bouncing on his toes, bouncing leg when sitting down, etc. Most of these are not natural though and are part of his conveying his false energy and enthusiasm.

What do they sleep in? Whatever he's currently wearing, more often than not. Alternatively, PJs top and bottom. Also he used to like to bury himself totally under the blanket/duvet as a kid. He still does, he just doesn't actually do it very often anymore due to reasons.

What’s their favorite piece of clothing? In his main and fandomless verse (although I often fail to include it in drawings) he wears a plain black choker with a piece of dark stone/erebosite featured on it. This is special because of the stone. Next, if they count as clothing, there's his familiar mop of auburn hair (of course actually a wig), and his amber contacts. He's partial to these and they've given him his main design/recognisable look.

When it comes to other more general items of clothing, I don't currently have any favourite pieces for him. He might have some (very possible actually), I just haven't chosen/designed them yet.

What do they do when they wake up? Opens his eyes. Gets up/out of his sleeping position. Goes about his business, whatever that may be. If he was sleeping somewhere especially comfortable, he might linger a bit, but he doesn't like staying stagnant with his thoughts too much, and his brain never really stops working as long as he's awake. (That's a big reason why he sleeps sporadically in the first place.)

How do they sleep? Position? Oh, Svern sleeping habits, they're a mess. He will sleep anywhere where he can fit his body. He'll sleep in almost any position, too. Here's a couple of posts about it: (1) (2)

He alternates between being a fairly light sleeper and being out of it when he's been awake for a long time. In most verses he has some hidden friend watching his back who can either wake him up or retaliate to any threats, so he's fairly relaxed about it.

Now, he doesn't do this unless he's either in a completely private location or somewhere he feels very comfortable, but his natural sleeping position is on his side and partly curled up. Often in that position he hides his face with his arm or by turning it to face downwards too.

What do their hands feel like? This question is like the smell one... they feel neither soft nor excessively rough. He uses them when climbing around all over the place, but he does avoid getting them unnecessarily torn up and doesn't do much other hard work with them.

[yeongwvnhi]

ᴸᵒᵛᵉ ᴬᵍᵃⁱⁿ

Pairing - Baekhyun x fem reader -> exes to lovers | Genre - Angst, fluff | warnings - none | taglist - @twancingyunhoe @trashlord-007 @tiddy-boys | synopsis - when Baekhyun and you broke things off a year ago, it felt alright, but you came to the painful realization that nobody could ever replace him or love you like he did | word count - 2.1k | thanks to @tiddy-boys for beta-reading ♡

》><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><《

It's days like these, rain hitting the window in harsh taps and angry wind blowing, when the nostalgia hits the hardest. After all, you were always one to dwell on the past. It's just what you do. 

Every day felt the same after the two of you broke things off. You don't even remember why exactly you even ended it in the first place. The pain still sits deep, coming to haunt you when you least expect it. 

Rainy days like those just trigger the nostalgia, the memories and bygone feelings. 

It's 12pm when you check your phone, yet you're still laying in bed. The lack of motivation due to this sudden wave of sadness is something you're not experiencing for the first time. 

And it's killing you slowly. These feelings are eating you up from the inside out. 

Without even realizing, tears are running down your cheeks in even, salty streams. 

"Why am I even crying…" You mumble and lift your arm to cover your face, trying to make it stop. "God, I'm so pathetic" 

You try to manage to stop your tears, wrist harshly rubbing your eyes. After a minute or so, you succeed in stopping them. 

instead pick up your phone, unlocking it and opening Instagram. 

One peek won't hurt, right…? 

His name at the top of your searches seems to be mocking you as you hover your finger above it. Should you really do it? What if he found someone new and his profile is filled with couple pictures? Or what if he feels nothing and is glad to be alone? What if, what if, what if…

"Fuck it" you hiss and tap on his username, his profile popping up after a brief second of loading the page. 

He… hasn't posted anything for a few months, his last post being from October last year. 

Oh for fucks sake… is this a good sign or not? It could mean he's been seeing someone new, but it could also mean he's just been living his life like usual. 

So many possibilities, yet no resolution seems to be in sight. 

"This is so annoying, oh my gooood" You groan and smack your head into your pillow, laying sprawled out like a star with an annoyed pout on your face. 

"It's been a god damn year," You grumble, "why do I still feel like this?" 

The sound of your fist hitting the mattress of your bed is dull, not the way you wanted it to sound. "I hate this, UGHH" The frustration in your voice is for sure loud and clear, accentuated well by the 'ugh'. 

This whole situation is stressing you out. "I need a shower.." You mumble, absent-minded, as you fling the covers back and swing your legs over the edge of your bed. 

—

Despite the gloomy weather, you decided to take a walk outside. The rain still hasn't let up, droplets of it occasionally hitting your face. 

"Why is it so cold today? It's already spring…" You mumble quietly to yourself, eyes strictly trained on the path in front of your feet and head held low. 

You're so lost in your thoughts, you don't see the person headed your way. 

And apparently, the person doesn't seem to notice you as well. So your shoulders collide and you stumble, umbrella falling out of your hand and fast quick steps to regain your balance. 

"I'm so sorry! Are you al-" The man rushes to apologize, but his words get stuck in his throat as he takes in who he just, quite literally, stumbled into. 

Rain has hit you mercilessly, soaking you from head to toe within seconds as you stand there, paralyzed. "Baek…Baekhyun?" 

His eyes are wide and mouth slightly open in shock as he doesn't know what to say or do. 

He hasn't seen or talked to you in at least nine or ten months for sure. What is he even supposed to say? "Yeah… it's- it's surely been a while" he dumbly answers. "Ah! Your umbrella!" Baekhyun rushes to pick it up and hold it over your figure. 

But the damage is already done. 

You're shivering, dripping with water but still you've a tiny smile on your lips at the sight of him. 

You delicately take hold of the handle, fingers gently enclosing around the man's hand. 

He doesn't move to let go, just standing there and staring into your eyes. "I-" 

You cut him off by mistake with a sneeze, the cold creeping in deep. It feels like your bones might freeze, grasp around both Baekhyun's hand and the handle of your umbrella tightening, muscles contracting to desperately stay warm. "S-Sorry for interrupting you" You say, teeth clattering and eyes averting. 

"No no don't worry about it!" He insists, "but we should get you home, your hand is cold as ice, Y/N" 

"Ah… you're right" You nod and he flashes you a warm smile. 

"Do you still live in the same apartment or did you move?" Baekhyun asks, back to being concerned about your wellbeing now. 

"I- I still live in the same place" You reply, your free hand holding onto your jacket for warmth, but in vain. 

"That's too far away, my place is way closer" He objects and gently pulls you along, "come on, let's get you freshened up before you really get sick" 

You only manage an awkward nod and let him lead you along, a surprisingly pleasant silence engulfing you two. 

—

Baekhyun unlocks the door to his apartment and firstly puts both of your umbrellas away, taking off his wet shoes in the process and you follow along. 

"Come on, I'll show you the bathroom" He says and you tag after him. 

He opens the door, turns on the light and quickly pulls out two towels for you. "You can just use my shampoo, I don't have anything suitable here for you, sor-" 

"Thank you" you break his rambling. "You wouldn't need to do this, so thank you" 

Baekhyun smiles softly, although his eyes tell a different story. "I'll bring you some clothes in a bit, okay?" 

"Mhm" you nod and give him a curt bow before he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. 

You waste no time in stepping out of your soaked clothes and into the shower. 

You set the water to a nice warm temperature and rinse off the cold first, feeling relieved. 

Then there's a knock. "Hey Y/N, I'm putting some clothes on top of the washing machine for you now" he announces before opening the door, doing as he said and then leaving just as quickly as he came. 

"Still the considerate guy he always was…" You mumble with a sad smile, old memories coming back to haunt your mind with sweet images of the two of you. Him always knocking before he'd enter a room you would be in to announce himself. 

You loved that about him, he was always mindful of others and you're happy to see it hasn't changed at all. 

—

You finished quickly and put on the clothes he gave you. Some boxers and a way too big on you, black shirt. You dried your hair as best as you could with the towel he gave you and made sure you don't look like a lion by patting down your hair a bit. 

"Baekhyun?" You timidly call out after opening the door a bit. 

"Yeah?" He replies and you hear his footsteps approach. "What is it?" 

"Uhm- Where to put my wet clothes?" You ask. 

"Oh- Hold on, I'll put them in the washing machine" He says with big eyes and opens the machine for you to put them in. "I'll dry them after they're washed so you can change back, alright?" 

You nod quickly and thank him quietly. He opens the machine and you put your clothes inside, him doing the rest. 

"So, uh-" 

"Do you want some water?" He quickly asks, ears flaring red as he avoids your eyes. 

"Sure" you squeak back and follow him into the kitchen. He gets a glass out of a cupboard and fills it with water before handing it to you. 

You nip at the liquid as Baekhyun leans against the countertop adjacent to you, eyes taking in your figure. 

He missed seeing you in his clothes, you always looked so good in them. He just missed you in general. 

The reason why the two of you broke up a year ago? 

Baekhyun remembers it all too well. 

It was a work related thing actually. The two of you worked in different shifts and barely saw each other, yet alone had time for any couple stuff. 

Free days? Spent alone or arguing about never seeing each other. 

And at one point you had said to just break up. In that moment Baekhyun felt like he was hit by lightning, body stiff and eyes wide. He couldn't believe what he heard. Baekhyun felt anxiety cursing through his veins as his brain processed your words.

You had told him that you wouldn't hate him, but that your situation at that time just didn't allow any dating. The two of you never had hard feelings about the outcome, but it was hard to suddenly go back to being alone. 

And now you're here, in his apartment, wearing his clothes and smelling just like him. He can't believe this is happening. 

"Uhm, so" You speak up after setting the glass down on the other counter behind you. Your hands come up to grab the surface besides your waist and you avoid the man's eyes. 

"Yes?" Baekhyun can't help the hopeful hint in his voice as he urges you to continue your thoughts. 

"How has life been for you?" 

A chuckle escaped his lips at your question, shoulders jumping up and down in the process before he answered. "It's been rather boring but nice, if you get what I mean? I found a different job and work from home now" 

You nod quietly, "I've also found a new job and my shifts are less hectic" 

"Have you… found someone new?" 

You halt at his inquiry, gears in your mind temporarily stopping and he seems to take the lacking answer the wrong way. A frown pulls at his normally friendly and soft expression, making him look grumpy and bothered. "I see" 

"No, no! I- I haven't found anyone!" You quickly say, "I just… I couldn't move on" 

His expression changes to a sad smile, although he's kind of glad you're still somehow his. "Me neither" 

You scoff lightly, a cheeky smirk suddenly on your face. "No wonder, nobody could put up with your annoying ass anyway" 

"Hey!" He exclaims in shock. 

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" You insist, holding your stomach and laughing. "You're bearable most of the time" 

"That doesn't make it any better!" Baekhyun whines and you laugh out loud, hand flying up to cover your mouth. 

"Still the cocky little girl you've always been" He fires back and you snort. 

"Like you're one to talk" You roll your eyes at him and he exhales through his nose. 

His hands grab you by the collar of his shirt you're wearing and unexpectedly pull you into him. You squeal, hands shooting up to brace against his broad chest and you look up to be met by his cocky smile. "You never knew when to stop, no change at all there" he playfully nags. 

"Shut up" You weakly fight back. 

Baekhyun chuckles and you feel the rumble drumming against the palms of your hands. "How come you haven't moved on?" 

You lower your head, hands fumbling with his shirt. "Well… I came to the conclusion that just nobody could replace you. Nobody could love me like you did…" You mumble against his chest and Baekhyun feels a smile creeping up on his face. 

"I felt the same" He whispers back and his arms move to pull you into him more by your waist. 

After hearing that, you look back up at him with big eyes. "Really?" 

He nods and flashes you a bright smile. "Even though we fought a lot and barely had time for each other, I never stopped loving you" 

"Shut up" You almost whimper and move your hands to pull him closer by the back of his neck, lips meeting in the middle. 

Baekhyun's eyes almost fell out of their sockets before he came to his senses. 

One of his hands found its place on the back of your head as he moved his lips against yours with fervor. He greedily breathes you in, not wanting this to end as moves his mouth against yours. 

You shiver when his tongue meets yours and that's when you draw the line… for now. 

He chases after you for a second and you chuckle, dazed eyes meeting yours. "Slow down tiger" you say and peck the corner of his mouth. 

"Okay, okay" He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, "will you let me love you again?" 

"You bet" 

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 13*

Did I inadvertently make Sonny a supervillain? Maybe.

Chapter 12

Chapter 14

HAHAHA SOOOOO funny story....if you saw the "preview" post, turns out I didn't even get that far written down. My bad!

I really did want to, and I was almost there, but it's gotta go to fifteen and too much story in chapters won't leave enough to stretch! I'm sorry!!!

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

-----

Meanwhile

At the hospital Sonny walked into your room where you were talking with the doctor. The doctor acknowledged Sonny when he came in.

“As I was telling Miss Y/L/N, she unfortunately is going to need a liver transplant,” He looked at both of you grimly. “And unfortunately because of her years of alcohol abuse and history with addiction, she won't be that high on the transplant list. I'm uncertain if she'll even get one,”

“Oh god…” Sonny whispered, looking at you. You had tears in your eyes, still in shock over what the doctor was actually saying. Your brain couldn't really process it; and even if it could, you weren't really sure that you cared if you lived or died at this point seeing as you lost the one good thing in your life.

“Is there any way that I could donate part of my liver?” Sonny asked.

“Well that's what I was going to talk to you about Mr. Carisi,” the doctor said. “If you have any friends or family members that you think would be a good match and would like to get tested to donate their liver; I would suggest doing so as soon as possible. Usually immediate family members are the best match,”

“Yeah of course,” Sonny nodded. But in his mind he was thinking he didn't know if he could convince any of his and your family members to donate part of their liver. Changing their lives completely for a girl that had been nothing but trouble since she came to live with them. He could at least get tested though.

He walked over to you as the doctor walked out and held your hand. “How are you doing sunshine?” He asked.

“I.. I think I need a minute to process all of this, Sonny. Can you please...leave me alone?” you said softly, trying not to cry.

“Yeah sure, whatever you want,” He nodded softly and walked out of the room.

He instantly felt the guilt in remembering what he had told Rafael yesterday. He did promise him that if something went wrong with you he would call him but he also didn't want him to get any closer. But his guilt overruled his worry, so he texted him:

“Y/N is going to need a liver transplant, if you want to get tested,”.

------------

Rafael immediately showed up at the hospital where Sonny met him in the waiting room.

“Where is she?” Rafael was practically huffing and puffing, he ran so fast when he got Sonny’s text.

“Hey, slow your roll there counselor,” Sonny put a hand up. “I just asked you to come down here and get tested to see if you wanted to donate to her,”

“For what? To prove how much I care about her to you? Is that some kind of test?” Rafael clenched his fists.

“Maybe.. I don't know... I was just desperate Rafael, okay? And I promised you I would,” Sonny yelled.

“Okay well I want to see her first," Rafael demanded.

“No way,” Sonny protested. “First you get tested. And then if you’re a match, I'll let you see her,”

“What?” Rafael blinked. “You’re insane--”

“So you're just gonna refuse to potentially save my cousin’s life, just because I won't let her see you. Is that really loving her at all?” Sonny pointed out

“...All right, show me where to go,” he sighed, defeated. Rafael hated that he was right, but he was. After a few minutes Rafael was done getting his blood work and he returned to the waiting room where Sonny was.

“Have you gotten tested yet?” Rafael asked.

“Obviously, I was the first one to do it, Barba.” Sonny replied in an obvious tone.

“And…?”

“...And I'm not a match,'' he sighed.

“And the rest of your family?” Rafael asked.

“....Most of them haven't gotten back to me yet,” Sonny admitted in a small voice.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Rafael asked, astonished.

“Well I mean...I told you my family's history with Y/N,” Sonny rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“But she's dying!” Rafael practically screamed. “You're telling me not one person in your family has a fucking heart to at least try and help their niece/cousin out when they're dying?!”

“Look you have no room to judge my family, okay Barba?!” Sonny argued back. “You don’t know what we’ve all been through--”

“What YOU’VE been through?!” Rafael was now full out screaming, he was livid. “God the whole Carisi clan is a bunch of martyrs, aren’t they? Everything happens to them, they never do anything wrong,”

“Hey FUCK OFF, Barba,” Sonny shoved Rafael, getting heated himself. If there was one thing you didn’t do, it was to insult his family.

“Whatever,” Rafael calmed himself, looking around at the shocked spectators. “How long does it take to find out if you're a match or not?

“Actually just like a few minutes they run it through a computer and see if your blood type matches up with hers.” Sonny answered softly, hoping the onlookers would go back to their business. As if on cue the doctor returns to the waiting room with a piece of paper.

“Well Mr. Barba, it looks like you're a perfect match to Y/N’s blood type,” He smiled as he handed Rafael the piece of paper.

“As if there was any doubt,” Rafael smiled as he read the results. He knew you were a perfect match from the moment you met, now he had physical proof of it.

“Great…” Sonny muttered.

“Alright, so here’s your proof,” Rafael presented the paper to Sonny. “We are perfectly matched. Now let me see her,”

“...Nah I still think you need to actually do it, Barba,” Sonny denied him again.

“Excuse me?” Rafael was absolutely floored. He couldn’t believe Sonny was making him jump through this many hoops just to see you. He knew he was against you being together, but this was above and beyond.

“Look Barba, we don’t know if Y/N’s body is gonna take to your liver. And she could die on the table. There are so many more moving parts and I don’t want you to start getting your hopes up or getting closer to her and then she dies on you. And-- And I don’t want her to get closer to you if she’s dying because then she’ll just be angry at God.”

“You’re fucking delusional you know that Carisi?” Rafael spat. “This isn’t about sparing my feelings, or even Y/N’s. It’s about you, and what you want to do. And you want to keep us apart-- and I’ll bet money it’s not for all the ‘noble’ reasons you proclaim either,”

“Oh for Christ’s sake Barba,” Sonny laughed. “You cannot possibly think this is just because of some crush I have on you--”

“Oh I absolutely do, Carisi,” He stepped towards him. Sonny was substantially taller than Rafael, but he intimidated Sonny nonetheless with his aggressive stance and personality.

“Well it’s not,” Sonny stepped forward as well, towering over Rafael this time. “And regardless of the reason, you’re still getting anywhere near her until I say so,” He had never stood up to Rafael like this, and Rafael didn’t like it.

“...I’m only doing this for her, know that,” Rafael growled as he went to set up an operation time.

-------------

Meanwhile, Sonny went to tell you the good news. He practically sprinted down the hall and swung your door open with a huge happy smile.

“What in God’s name did they give you, and where can I get one?” You teased him.

“Guess what Sunshine,” He beamed at you. [pun intended]

“What’s that?”

“Turns out I’m a match for you!” He threw his arms around you. “Thank God, I was so scared I was gonna lose you,”

“Oh, really?” You gave him a small smile. “That’s great,”

“Y’know you don’t sound as excited as a person who just found out they’re NOT dying, Sunshine!”

“Oh no,” You nodded while trying to smile wider. “I’m ecstatic,”

“Well good, because I kinda like you and want to keep you around a little longer,” He put you in a soft headlock and noogie’d your hair.

“Ha ha,” You rolled your eyes with a smile. “So, are you gonna go set this whole thing up or what?”

“Oh yeah,” Sonny remembered Rafael was still in the vicinity. “Yeah of course Sunshine, I’ll go tell the doctor now, yeah?” He started to get up off your bed.

“Sonny,” You put a hand on him before he stood up.

“Yeah, Sunshine?”

“Have you..” You picked nervously at your blanket. “Um, have you...talked to Rafael?”

“Ah,” Sonny felt a pang of guilt, knowing at that very moment Rafael was signing his liver away to save your life, and you thought he didn’t think twice about you.

“Actually, no,” He lied. “He’s been wrapped up in this huge court case, he’s basically been out of touch to anyone,”

“Oh,” You answered softly. “Well, maybe when I--”

“Oh did I tell you?” Sonny interjected. “I found this great place up state for after you’re healed a bit more. You’re gonna love it. It’s lush, and the scenery is--”

“I-I’m sorry, what?” You blinked. “After I’m healed?”

“Well, yeah,” Sonny replied. “Y’know, I know what I said before but I think we both know you need to--”

“Go away,” You finished his sentence in a monotone.

“...Yeah,” He nodded.

“But--” You looked up at him. “Y-You want to send me to Upstate New York?”

“Well, Sunshine it’s this very nice--”

“I thought you’d maybe send me to Village Care, or Mountainside, some little 30 day treatment center Sonny,” You began to get upset the more you thought about being sent away so far. “Not fucking upstate New York!!!”

“Hey, it’s one of the best in the country, Y/N,” Sonny became serious. “You’re damn lucky I got you in, and so quickly too!”

“Oh gee, thanks so much Sonny,” You crossed your arms. “Thanks so much for jumping at the chance to get me as far away from you as possible,”

“It’s not away from me, it’s away from--!” Sonny caught himself, but you had already heard it.

“...Away from who?” Your eyes narrowed.

“Away from-- all of this, Sunshine,” He tried to change the subject.

“You’re a fucking liar,” you scowled.

“HEY,” Sonny bellowed. “Don’t use that language with me, young lady,”

“Oh good God,” You rolled your eyes. “It’s Rafael, isn’t it?” You didn’t let up.

Sonny tried to think of anyone else, but he couldn’t. Luckily, he thought of something better.

“Yeah, Sunshine,” He lowered his voice. “You need to get away from him so that you can get over this little-- thing you have for him,”

“Why?” Your eyes narrowed.

“Because he doesn’t love you!” He cried. “Because you freaked him out with your little stunt!”

“I don’t believe you,” Your voice filled with dread.

“You don’t believe me?” Sonny laughed. “Y/N did you know his dad died from drinking? In front of him?” He really wasn’t sure about that, but he’d say what he needed to sell this.

“...He didn’t say that he died,” You said softly.

“Well, he did. And you basically died in his arms, that brought all of it back up. And it fucking traumatized him,”

“No…” You shook your head. That couldn't be true. You could not have caused him that much pain-- god what was wrong with you?!

“You wanna know why he’s been so out of touch?” Sonny continued. “Because he’s been so upset he had to drown himself in work to cope with what you did to him!”

“...I…” Tears welled up in your eyes as the guilt began to eat you alive.

“Look, Sunshine,” He lowered his voice and sat back down on the bed.

“I don’t mean to throw so much tough love at ya, but-- he’s still my good friend, and you hurt him. I know you didn’t mean to, and I know you got hurt too. So, I just think that it’s better for all of us if you just--”

“Get as far away from here as possible,”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say it like that,” Sonny tried to be positive. “Just, you need to go to the best place that will help you heal-- your body and your heart,”

“....Yeah, I guess you’re right,” You nodded, wiping tears from your face.

“Good,” He kissed your forehead and stood up, heading to the door. “Now get some rest, I’ll see if we can get this over and done with by tomorrow, I don’t want you staying in this place more than you have to,”

“Thanks Sonny,” You gave him a genuine smile. “You’re a good cousin,”

"I try," He smiled and blew you a kiss before walking out the door.

------------------

Sonny raced down the hall to the surgeon’s office where Rafael was finishing filling out paperwork.

“So, did you tell her?” Rafael asked.

“Tell her what?”

“Did you tell her I’m saving her life and I’ll see her in a few days?”

“Oh,” Sonny felt sweat on his forehead. “Yeah, totally. She’s excited,”

“So why hasn’t she texted me?”

“Oh her phone died,” Sonny lied. “I actually have to run and get her a charger, you can come with me,”

“Of course I can…” Rafael rolled his eyes sarcastically. “The surgery’s early tomorrow morning, I put off my court dates until the end of next week, that should give us both enough time to heal,”

“Sounds good,” Sonny shot him a thumbs up.

“And you are gonna let me see her after all of these fucking hoops, right Carisi?”

“Yeah, of course Barba,” He laughed nervously. “I’m not a monster,”

“Good boy,” Rafael patted him on the head like his puppy.

Sonny wanted to rip that smug little smile off Rafael’s face, but knowing he was going to have the rug pulled out from under him was enough for him.

--------------

The next morning

The surgery nurse came in around 4 am, way too cheerful for that god awful hour.

“Hello dear!” She smiled brightly as you while you moaned and groaned. “I’ve come to prep you for surgery,”

“...Where’s my cousin?” You asked groggily.

“Uh, I’m not sure…” She shook her head while she injected something into your IV. Then she helped you maneuver with all your wires and contraptions to the wheeled bed which take you to the OR.

“...What the hell did you just give me?” You rubbed your eyes sleepily.

“Oh it’s the pre-anesthesia,” She explained. “The girls and I call it ‘giggle juice’,”

“...Like alcohol?” Your eyes widened.

“No, no dear calm yourself,” The nurse assured you. “It’s some medicine that will make you loopy, you won’t remember a thing I promise you,”

“Mmm..kay…” You blinked several times, feeling the drug take affect. Everything quickly went fuzzy, and you felt nice and warm. You realized that you were being wheeled down the hall now, with heated blankets on top of you. You felt like a cozy little burrito, safe in a tortilla.

You felt yourself being rolled into an OR, many masked people were there to greet you. They all had smile eyes behind their masks, they made you feel as safe as possible. Then, they rolled you next to...Rafael?

“....R-Raff---?” You could barely speak from the meds, but your eyes lit up at the sight of him.

“Hey…” He mumbled dreamily, his green eyes sparkling at you. Clearly he had some ‘giggle juice’ of his own.

“I--I don’t…” You shook your head, trying to grasp what was happening. Wasn’t Sonny supposed to be the one laying next to you? Was this Sonny and you were just seeing Rafael’s face?

“Hey hey hey shh,” Rafael shook his head softly and reached out for your hand. You poked it out through the burrito blanket and took his-- it was real. He was really there. He was giving you his liver, to save your life.

“I love you, Y/N,” He smiled the biggest smile you’d ever seen on a human.

“...Really?” You bit your lip with your own huge smile. You prayed to God this was NOT a drug induced dream. “I love you too,”

“Alright you two lovebirds,” You heard the surgeon chuckle. “There will be time enough for this after you’re sharing a liver,”

Wait. This means Sonny lied to you. Was he lying about everything? Was he lying when he said Rafael wanted a clean break? Was Sonny just trying to keep you two apart?

All of your realizations and questions were quickly silenced by the gas mask going over your face.

“Now count down from ten, dear,” The anesthesiologist instructed you. You wanted to say no, that you had to talk to Rafael before all of this happened. But you glanced over to see he was already out, and soon you were too.

--------------------

The next thing you knew you were waking up in a recovery room with a huge window. The sun was streaming in and welcoming you back to the world. You looked down to see a huge incision sewn up by several stitches with clear gauze and tape holding it together. It didn’t hurt yet, but you figured you were still on a lot of pain meds. You wondered how Sonny was doing, if the surgery went well for him too. Soon a nurse came into check on you.

“Well dear, how are we feeling?”

“Ah good,” You smiled weakly. “I guess as good as I can anyway,”

“Oh of course,” She nodded sweetly as she changed your bandages and replaced your fluids.

“Do you know how my cousin’s doing?” You asked her, causing her to furrow her eyebrows.

“Your cousin?” She repeated. “Well dear, I’m sure he’s fine. He hasn’t gotten here yet, probably the morning rush hour traffic,”

“...What?” Now you were the one to furrow your eyebrows. “What do you mean he’s not here? Didn’t he--”

“Oh, look at that,” The nurse quickly finished switching the IV’s and looked at her tablet. “I’m late for my rounds. You rest up sweetie and I’ll come back tonight to get you ready to leave,”

“Rest up?” You repeated softly to yourself as she walked out of the room. “Leave?”

What did any of that mean? And why wasn’t Sonny already at the hospital? Didn’t he have surgery as well? They would have had to already have done it, right? Otherwise whose liver was inside you right now?! You had so many more questions, but apparently Nurse Ratchet gave you some morphine to knock you out until later that evening.

------------

Rafael woke up groggily in his hospital room, already in pain. He looked down to see an incision covered in gauze and tape. He looked next to him to see Sonny smiling sadly at him.

“...Oh god,” Rafael began to panic. “What happened?”

“What? Nothing, you’re great. Y/N is great,”

“Good,” He took a sigh of relief. “So when can I see her?”

“Yeah, here’s the thing Barba…”

“Oh no,” Rafael shook his head violently. “No no no no NO, Carisi. You said--”

“I know what I said, Barba,” He nodded. “But see the thing is, the place that I got Y/N too, it’s not only a rehab but it’s a hospital too. And they fill up super fast. So y’know I had to jump at the opening,”

“....What does that even mean, Carisi?” Rafael's eyes narrowed.

“....It means they already took her up there, so she could recover from the surgery and go right into rehab,” He lied. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. You were going to leave in a few hours, after he came and got you of course.

“You son of a bitch!!” Rafael tried to lunge at him from the bed, but his incision began to pull and shot pain through his entire body. He spasmed and fell back into the bed.

“Who whoa whoa there Barba,” Sonny tried easing him down as if he was a bull or a horse. “You’re gonna pop those stitches,”

“You knew you were going to send her away before I could say goodbye, didn’t you?” He glared at Sonny. “You knew this whole time you were never going to let me see her again. I gave her part of my liver!��

“And you saved her life, and I thank you for that Barba. I really do. And that should make you happy, right? The love of your life is going to live a long, happy life because of you,”

“Without me,” He added angrily.

“Well hey now,” Sonny clicked his tongue. “Never say never. Y’know when she’s completely over all of this, and you, maybe someday she’ll make her way back to the city and you guys can have your little weird friendship again, yeah?”

“Why are you doing this to her? To us?” His voice was more sad now, pitiful.

“I’m doing this for her, Barba. Please try and understand that,” Sonny shook his head as he walked towards the door.

“You’ll never get away with this, Carisi! I’ll find her,”

“Damn Barba I’m not a supervillain, cool your jets,”

“Could’ve fooled me,”

“HEY,” Sonny warned. “What I’m doing is for the greater good,”

“Said every supervillain ever,”

"Hurtful, Barba," Sonny put a hand to his chest. "Feel better, yeah?"

Rafael flipped him the bird as he walked out of the room, the door shutting behind him. He searched frantically around his bed for his phone, he had to google Hospital Rehabs, he had to find you.

He would find you, he wouldn't stop until he did.

[thinrisque]

I’m honestly hoping I lose my period again, I did a couple years back and it was such a blessing lmao. I always have the worse hunger and cravings while it’s ‘lil bitch ass is here, plaguing my life（− ㅅ −；）

[freddiefcknmercury]

A Promise(part 2)- Crimson & Clover

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader(Black coded/Genderless)

Word Count: 2.7+

Warnings/Disclaimer: SMUT. ANGST. cursing. mild depression/heart-ache. etc etc. if something needs to be tagged please lemme know.

A/N: LOL I'm back on my bullshit yall. heavy angst/depression from the previous Steve centered storyline so if you haven't read "You really think I didn't know?" I'll do some magic linky links here and at the bottom just in case. Also I'm trying something kinda different with the way I post the fics so feedback is welcome.

ALSO this one comes with a tiny playlist! there are Bolded lyrics throughout if you want to get a deeper sense of where I was emotionally writing this and where reader is as well you can Def give these songs a listen, they are in order of appearance:

Crimson & Clover- Tommy James & The Shondells

Every Time I Breathe- Arlissa

Navy Blue - Hasani

Summary: Bucky takes an extended leave for "work" related reasons and reader slips back into some dark places in his absence...

~*As always, be Nice to me I’m Delicate*~

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He said he might be gone most of the week. Sam called the day before and all you know is it's something important. He didn't go into detail, just packed a bag and you'd never seen him do that before. But he was also only gone a day or two at a time and never felt the need to tell you about it before now either.

Up until recently you'd tip-toe around each other. Not like you used to with Steve though, worse. Bucky is a lot better at making sure you don't know he's there until it's too late. It felt like you'd never get used to each other, or more likely that you'd never want to. You might've still been secretly hoping that he'd stop caring and go away... after a while you got tired of your own bullshit and realized he's giving off that vibe on purpose. Wordlessly telling you how you should feel about him, not wanting to get too close. You never much liked being told what to do.

It was only about two months before you became a Barnes' expert. You'd sit up at night listening intently for when he'd shower, get in bed, or wake up. He never slept more than five maybe six hours at a time, you'll never understand how he can function like that. You know how he likes his coffee, which angle he holds his cup. How and where he takes off his shoes, how much ice he puts in a drink, the way he likes to cut his toast, and what time he has to do all of it. There's an almost unnerving pattern to him, one that's always been there and you were just unwilling to notice for so long, and you're not sure if he's even aware of it.

You woke up to him already gone. You knew he was leaving but actually being left alone like that unsettled you more than you anticipated, a serious case of Deja vu. You went into your routine like normal, because everything still was, but by the fifth day... you stepped into the front room and got that empty feeling. One you hadn't really had since...

It stopped you for a few seconds longer than you liked and a large knot formed in your stomach. You spent the whole day trying to ignore the feeling but it only got worse. Like a hunger pain but much more vague, crawling through each muscle. You'd catch yourself staring at his room, Bucky's room but also... Steve's. It's the first time you let yourself admit to him fully crossing your mind in over a year.

You laid up in bed, trying to count the metaphorical sheep to no avail. Getting up thinking that a snack or a warm drink will stop the restlessness, you pause in the tiny hallway shared by your bedrooms. The low blue light from the moon outside dustily illuminating the space through  a cloudy bathroom window. You stare at the door like any second he's going to ask what you're doing up so late and you can tell him to mind his own business while pouring two cups of tea.

You just wanted to touch the knob; turn it to make sure it still works- that you're still "allowed in there if you want". But stepping inside was too far, an invasion of Bucky's privacy, and you felt it. But you couldn't help yourself. You needed to know.

They were definitely cut from the same cloth. Sparse furnishings and no decorations, save a few very small trinkets he'd held onto from who knows where. There is exactly one row on his bookshelf filled with composition notebooks that were beat to hell and back. Sticky notes lined the edge of most of the pages, so much so that they easily could've been mistaken for feathers on a quick glance. You dare not touch them. Observing someone with a past that checkered is very different to reading into the things they deem worthy of physically writing down.

Where Steve used to leave small drawings and notes Bucky left half empty ink pens and a few well used pairs of gloves. You saunter to the far corner of the room and caress a worn leather jacket hanging precariously on the lowest peg of a coat rack. Doing a slow sweep of the space something in the otherwise barren closet catches your eye. The knot in your stomach that had almost disappeared was back and it brought friends. Your shirt. His shirt. The big one that said BROOKLYN across the front, what you didn't know was your "going away gift." The one you balled up and shoved in the top corner of his closet, at the time hoping you'd never look at it again. You're amazed that it's still here, that Bucky hadn't tossed it out or tried to give it back to you when he moved in.

So you put it on. You're still not sure why but you needed to wear it. To feel it drape over your skin, enveloping you in warmth and that beautiful clean familiar scent you... loved once. It sent a shiver down your spine. The knots in your stomach were gone but now there's one in your throat. You can feel the tears seated right behind your eyes. You sit on the bed holding your face pleading with the water to stay put but it's too late. You miss him. You hate to admit it, but it's true and it always has been. You're angry and you should be, you loved him- you thought he might've loved you. Pulling the hem of the shirt up you wipe the tears off your face and fall into a pillow, trying to calm yourself out of your rage unintentionally drifting into sleep.

*****************************************************

You wake up to the sound of music in the kitchen.

...Ah, now I don't hardly know her, but I think I could love her...

You sit up quickly checking your phone: 11:34am. You'd fallen asleep in Bucky's room, in his bed. A blanket had been placed over you and a short scan of the room returned a brown leather duffel bag and set of black boots that weren't present last night. He'd come back early this morning and found you here. You can feel your heart fall straight out of your ass, the void that was left being filled with pure embarrassment. Is he angry? He did tuck you in...

As slowly and quietly as possible you make your way towards the door, poking your head out just enough to assess the situation. You can see his back in the kitchen, he's hovering over the sink. You notice the couch, the spare blanket and pillow from the bathroom closet folded neatly on one of the arm rests, he had to sleep there. The void gets deeper. You pull the door open just enough to slip out of and there's a quiet creak. Steve never did fix that, and you just figured out why.

Bucky didn't turn around but definitely noticed. He steps to the side, now in front of the stove and you here something crack and sizzle. You're not sure what to do here. You can try to apologies and explain but there's no un-embarrassing way out of this one. You fold your arms over your stomach trying to hold all your very delicate pieces together while you attempt to speak up. Finally reaching the bar and fully prepared to say good morning when he quickly sets a hot bowl down in front of you. White rice and a fried egg- runny yolk. You'd make it for breakfast when you'd get up early or couldn't sleep, a friend from school put you on to it. Looks like he's been studying you too. You make eye contact but, just briefly. From what little of the expression you get on his face nothing indicates that he's mad. But he hasn't said anything to the contrary either.

How was your trip?  Dangerous I bet-sorry you couldn't come home and sleep in your own goddamn bed! Oh?! AND you made me breakfast!

You feel like a crazy person.

"Comfy last night?"

He's pouring himself some coffee, not yet turning your way. There's no hostility in his voice.

You chuckle nervously.

"Yeah.. sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it."

He sets a small glass of juice down in front of you. Heavy eye contact this time, but his expression is soft. He didn't ask for an explanation and you really didn't want to give him one. But you still feel guilt looming over you. You take the glass in both hands and nurse it.

He nods at you with a squint, taking a big sip of coffee.

"If I knew that was yours I would've given it back."

The shirt. You forgot you actually put it on. You hold your breath stroking the fabric gently. Contemplating your next words.

"It's not- well, not really."

He raises an eyebrow.

"It was a gift, so I guess it does belong to me..."

Glancing back down at it you can see him realize it says "Brooklyn." His expression changes to a knowing one and it reads like regret but he quickly tries to box it back up for you. This is a new move for him.

There's a much longer pause in conversation than either of you would like before he shifts his weight awkwardly.

"Sorry."

You push glass, now empty back across the bar towards him.

"Don't worry about it-"

You swivel in your seat quickly, taking your bowl and getting up to leave. He steps out from the kitchen after you.

"Thanks for breakfast."

The tears had been welling up and started to pour over as you left. You're still in no state to pretend to be a functioning person right now. Trying to save him from your ugly cry face by escaping but he grabs your shoulder gently suggesting you backwards.

You cover your mouth to hush a sob. You can see your chest start heave but there's nothing you can do to stop yourself. He grabs the bowl setting it down carefully, then you feel a warm metal sensation squeezing the back of your neck.

"You don't have to be over it."

He's been back a couple hours and already knows you're still a mess. You scoff, laughing at yourself really.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

He whispered back quickly, exasperated, but tender.

You sniffle; pathetic.

"That's not how it feels."

"He fucked up. He just doesn't know it."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders pulling you into his embrace.

It's nice to feel another person. A real solid human being; you can't remember the last time you hugged someone like this. You turn in his arms to face him. He looks tired. Not just 'had-to-sleep-on-an-old-couch' tired. Emotionally repressed. Maybe he has actually wanted to talk to you. He pulls you into him, it's just a hug  but it almost hurt how sweet this was.

Then a thought came to you, not really sure how, you can't handle more rejection right now; but you kissed him anyway, hard. Like him being gone almost killed you- because it did. He pulls away from you, just a little, reading your face his own expressionless. You search his eyes for any kind of hint as to what's going on inside his mind. You're not ready to admit this was a mistake yet. There's no real way to know how long you stood there like that. You only dare to move after you hear the song change in the background.

Words... thought they just fade away

but hurt... gave them a place to stay

"Do something."

You were sure it was just in your head but it creaked out past your lips in less than a whisper, pleading with him.

He covered your mouth with his, smoothing both hands down your neck to your shoulders gripping them gently, intently. You cling to his waist almost afraid to explore anywhere else, then slowly drag nails along his back. He pulls you back into him, you want to fuse with the warmth radiating off of his body, he bends and you collide onto the floor with a muffled thud. He cradles your head quickly so you don't get hurt but you wouldn't care at this point.

The way you fit into each other is unnerving, like your bodies weren't meant for anybody else. You both scramble to undress him in between breathy wet kisses and he's... magnificent. He pulls off his shirt and you swiftly run fingers from his neck down each arm. The metal one is warm, this surprises you for some reason. You watch as each "muscle" dances at your touch and you catch a small glimpse of something on his face that resembles insecurity... or fear. He shelves it quickly in response to you bucking your hips up to dismiss your underwear.

He buries his face in your neck, warm breaths ghosting your skin. Hooking his hands behind your knees he hoists your legs up around his waist. He bites down gently and you gasp. It's too much. He's everywhere, all at once. The last person to touch you event remotely close to this was-

"...Steve."

It just came out, you almost didn't notice it. Bucky stops, pulling back and away. He scans you, a pitiful, panting mess on the floor. The most vulnerable you've probably ever been and definitely in front of him. He shakes his head slowly once, chest heaving.

"No."

Knots line your stomach once again. He grabs your wrist to hold your arms in place up above your head and presses his forehead against yours.

"Look at me."

You hold eye contact there for a solid minute, you're sure of it. He leans forward delicately dragging teeth against your ear.

"You're gonna keep saying it until you can't forget."

He drops his hips and lines up with your entrance. You feel a thick wash of euphoria from the pressure, throwing your head back as much as possible given the floor. You roll your hips along to his, cradling each other perfectly.

His eyes didn't leave your face until you both feel your legs begin to tremble.

"Oh Bucky."

The only words you can remember.

You feel every stroke hasten and all his muscles tighten each time his name falls from your lips. He pulls your shirt up to your neck looking to spatter kisses and bite marks across your torso. You futilely dig one set of nails into the floor and the other in his shoulder as he hungrily growls into your stomach, cursing, longing for mercy.

"Fuck."

You pull him back up to your face demanding his tongue. You hear the floorboard creek from the pressure of a metal hand, the flesh one surely bruising your hip by now. There's a deep enduring moan from the back of his throat as he finds his release inside you. You gasp at the sensation and you both pant into each other, nothing but a mess on the floor now.

He presses a long, firm kiss into the bridge of your nose then falls gently on his back beside you. You roll your head up to look at his face, whatever it is he's feeling isn't immediately obvious as he stares up at the ceiling. You shift onto your side placing a light, cautious hand on his chest and he glances over at you, reaching to squeeze your thigh reassuringly.

The sky is Navy Blue soon to be baby blue and baby you got nothing but time...

He looks over your face in a deep sigh before retiring his gaze to the ceiling.

"I don't know him... The guy that left you like that."

You watch intently has his jaw clenched, he's never been able to hide that bit very well.

"I don't know what kind of..."

He trails off, clearly upset.

You sigh deeply.

"I was gonna die that night."

He rolls his head back to look at you.

"The day I met him? I had pretty much made up my mind."

You start to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. Almost reminiscent.

"But he found me in the staircase..."

You hate how subtly he did some things. If you weren't lying next to him. There's no way you'd ever be able to tell his breathing had changed.

"Essentially-"

You pick your head up, chin on his sternum.

"He saved my life."

You state matter of factually. You watch his body relax in a short, bitter way.

He rolls his head over just enough to look you in the eyes. You kiss his chest once tenderly before moving to stand up. You extend a hand down for him to grab.

"That isn't good for your back."

"You really think I didn't know?" Part1

[mytastessuck]

Gorillaz: Humanz

SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.

See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.

1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off

Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.

10/10

2. Ascension

Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.

9/10

3. Strobelite

That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.

100/10

4. Saturn Barz

Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.

25/10

5. Momentz

WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...

9/10

6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath

Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...

10/10

7. Submission

This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.

90/10

8. Charger

She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.

9/10

9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up

On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.

8/10

10. Andromeda

Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.

50/10

11. Busted And Blue

Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

10/10

12. Interlude: Talk Radio

You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.

8/10

13. Carnival

Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.

80/10

14. Let Me Out

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.

9/10

15. Interlude: Penthouse

Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.

Thanks for everything,

mytastessuck

8/10

16. Sex Murder Party

Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.

11/10

17. She's My Collar

Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.

9/10

18. Interlude: The Elephant

I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!

8/10

19. Hallelujah Money

Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.

75/10

20. We Got The Power

A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.

10/10

21. Interlude: New World

Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?

8/10

22. The Apprentice

A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...

9/10

23. Halfway To The Halfway House

A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.

8/10

24. Out of Body

This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!

60/10

25. Ticker Tape

Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.

9/10

26. Circle of Friendz

Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...

To...

...

...Maybe I should listen to the album again.

11/10

Album score: 25/10

Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!