#oh and! the thought that empathy and compassion are what make you a good person and since Will is a 'bad' person-

[addicted-to-the-knife]

I've come to realise that there are two ways people mischaracterise Will. (NBC Hannibal, specifically)

One being the "uwu innocent babygirl who was manipulated into doing bad things by the big bad Hannibal". And the other being the polar opposite of it, where even his better qualities are turned into something that signify how "evil" he truly is.

Where is the nuance?

Will Graham is a complex character with many different aspects about himself that don't cancel each other out.

He's not a good person. We know that. We should know that. The show has been very clear about that. But he's also not entirely bad either. People rarely are entirely good or bad. I'd argue that nobody is ever just one or the other.

It's not all black and white. And taking moments of his genuine goodness and turning them into something they're not just to prove the point that he's not a good, innocent little baby like some people believe, is just as wrong.

His empathy and compassion are not a lie. He's empathic to a fault. He has true compassion for others; especially those that are weak and vulnerable and are victimised by others or themselves or failed by the system. He genuinely wants to help them.

Of course he's doing that for his own gain. One could argue that his motivation is selfish, since he could not live with the guilt of lives not saved or letting victims be even more victimised. So, he helps in order to make himself feel better. He also helps others in an attempt to prove to himself that he's not as bad as he fears he is (especially in season 1).

To say that because his reasons for helping are selfish and only for his own gain, whatever that may be at times, make him a bad person and that he's actively preying on the vulnerable for it, is such a huge misunderstanding to me. Helping people is seldom a completely selfless act. Most people do it to get something in return; even if that something is simple acknowledgement and recognition for having done something good. The motivation behind it shouldn't matter as much if people are being helped in a genuine way that is good for them.

And to take Abigail as an example for his "true predatory and manipulative ways" is also not the way to go. He was genuine with Abigail. His killing of her father triggered such unbearable guilt within him that he reacted irrationally and tried to forcefully insert himself into her life and replace her father in order to minimise the guilt and make up for what he's done to Abigail. His intentions weren't bad, but they were selfish. He didn't manipulate her, though, nor was he preying on her vulnerability. He did genuinely care about Abigail (or rather, an image of her that his guilt produced), too much one could argue, and he acted irrationally and selfishly; because (re)actions fuelled by strong emotions are always irrational.

He was also very genuine about helping and caring about Georgia and Peter, for example. Especially Peter is a good example because that was at the beginning of the honeytrap. By some people's logic, he shouldn't have a single reason to care about Peter and be a friend to him, and he should have only been getting close to him to manipulate him. But that's not what happened. Will saw himself in Peter and he wanted to prevent from what eventually happened to happen at all. He genuinely wanted to help Peter out of his situation and come away as unscathed as possible.

Also, let's not forget that he had no reason to put on a facade with Bedelia in the second half of season 3. When he says, during their session, that his first instinct is to help a wounded bird, he wasn't lying or putting up an act. He was being genuine. His empathy and compassion for the weak and vulnerable is real. He wants to help. And he'd much rather hurt whoever has wounded the bird in the scenario. Bedelia even admits that her first instinct is to crush a weakened animal. Neither of them saw a reason to lie to the other.

When Will kills people, he feels righteous. He kills people that "had it coming". They deserve it, in his mind, for having hurt and/or killed others.

He's manipulative, yes, but from what we know and have seen, that is pretty exclusive to people in power, like Hannibal, or Jack. He doesn't manipulate a weakened person. (The only example that is iffy on either side is with Chiyoh, maybe. It shows that he's no better than Hannibal; even if he still wanted to believe that about himself at the time. He forced Chiyoh to kill because he was curious and he manipulated everything around that for it to happen. But again, Chiyoh isn't a weak or vulnerable person; especially not in Will's mind.)

By no means is Will a good person or innocent. And Hannibal didn't make him a killer. That was already inside him and all Hannibal did was to let that beast loose. And Will likes it. He likes how powerful he feels, and he likes the rawness of it all. And yet he doesn't use that against people that are already victims.

The fact that Will isn't a good person does not negate that he's empathic and compassionate and that he has a genuine want to help others. Because those things alone don't make you a good person. Those qualities can be true and exist, just like his enjoyment of killing and having power over others do. At the same time. They don't cancel each other out. That's exactly what makes him such an interesting and complex character.

[lovecla]

© property of lovecla, nhl masterlist, nico hischier x you.

FAKE IT ‘TILL YOU MAKE IT, phase three:

<last chapter>

➴ chapter warnings: none :)

➴ word count: 2.5k

💌 from me to you: woke up with devils win and 500 followers this is INSANE! i never thought i’d have 20 followers let alone 500, literally half a thousand. thank you so much. i love you. also, if you haven’t seen it yet, here’s the story’s universe masterlist!

𖧷

𖧷

A MONTH had passed since you and Nico started fake-dating each other.

You’ve already lost count of how many dates you both went to, how many times he’d held your hand or how many times you called him “baby” in front of his friends.

You can’t really say you’re fine, because you’re not. Apart from the lying thing not really being your thing, it’s exhausting to pretend that what you feel for Nico is just compassion and empathy.

Lying to your friends is terrible and you feel like the worst person ever, especially knowing that you all swore to always tell the truth about everything to each other.

But what really makes you hate yourself is the fact that you can’t help but feel like you’re lying to Nico too. You enjoy way too much the time you spend with him, and you pretend that what you both have is true whenever you’re with him, which isn’t part of the deal you both made. At all.

But now, it doesn’t matter, because today, out of all days, is the most important day of your fake-dating thing.

Today is Friday, and the Devils are going to play against the Chicago Blackhawks. And not only that, but some sort of dinner is going to happen after the game, and no one other than Nora Ellis is going to be there.

So, all this time, all this training, all this faking, led you and Nico to this day. The day you’ll both see if Nora will finally reach out to Nico.

And your plan already went well since last week Nico called you after his game to tell you the news.

“Hi?” you say as you answer the phone, balancing it between your cheeks and shoulder as you continue to cook dinner, stirring the chicken in the oven with a fork. “Nico?”

“Hi, Em,” he says back and you can tell he’s got the biggest smile on his face just by the tone of his voice. “Can you talk right now?”

You close the oven door with your feet and grab your phone with your right hand, properly adjusting it against your ear. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“So, I just got home, right?” he sounds so freaking excited that your heart decides it’s enough to make you happy for the entire week.

“Right?”

“And I opened Instagram to check some shit and you won’t believe it. Nora just followed me and liked three of my most recent photos.”

You stare at the clock that sits on top of your fridge, not really reading the time, just looking and thinking. Of course Nora would do something like this as soon as you and Nico started being more obvious both online and offline.

It infuriates you. It makes you feel something ugly inside your chest, and you have to close your eyes for a few seconds so you can focus. You can’t ruin this for him. Nico’s too precious for you to fuck this up.

“Em?”

“Oh my God, that’s so cool!” you put on your best fake excited face and try your hardest to sound happy. “Did you follow her back?”

Please say no, please say no.

“I kind of already followed her…” he coughs, and you can hear some movement. “But that’s a good thing, right? Your plan is working.”

You bite your lip hard enough to bleed, and the pain brings you back to the present time.

“It’s not… my plan only,” you stutter. “This is teamwork.”

“No, baby,” Nico chuckles. “This is all you. All of this is happening thanks to you.”

This is all you.

“Sure,” you whisper, squeezing the phone. “I’m glad it’s working, then.”

All of this is too confusing, but you don’t have time to try to understand what’s really going on inside you. You have a dinner and a game to attend, and you’ll be on your best behavior.

Thankfully, you managed to convince Mia and Ella to come with you, so when you leave your house and find Mia’s car parked in front of your door you smile, relieved.

At least you wouldn’t have to go through this by yourself.

“Hi, lovelies,” you greet them as you sit in the back seat, kissing both of them on the cheek. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Hi, Em.” Ella smiles at you, always the sweet angel she is.

“Hi, baby,” Mia also grins widely, turning the car on and getting out of the parking spot. “You look so freaking good.”

You look down at your own clothes: Nico’s jersey that he gave you a few weeks ago when you had to attend one of his games, a black, mini-skirt and boots.

“Thanks,” you smile. “I like it too.”

“You look like the perfect WAG.” Mia jokes and you laugh, as Ella shakes her head.

“Well, that’s probably what they’re calling me online so I might as well get used to the name.” You shrug, looking through the window.

“Don’t listen to them, Em,” Ella says, looking at you through the mirror. “They’re just mean and rude.”

“Fuck the haters!” Mia shouts.

“Yeah,” Ella smiles. “I guess you could also say that.”

𖧷

𖧷

NICO LOOKS like a god.

He plays like one too, defying gravity and moving so fast your eyes can’t barely see where he’s going.

The arena is somewhat full, and you already lost count of how many people took photos of you and your friends, even when you’re in a secluded area, near the ice.

The shouts, the loud music and the sound of the puck being thrown from one side to the other is overwhelming, but you get through the first and second period just fine, Mia and Ella helping you a lot— you laughed more than you watched the game, and if you’re being honest, you were more interest in the gossip Mia was telling you than in the scoreboard.

Still, Nico looks good in his Hockey uniform. Good enough to eat. And even though you know you shouldn’t be thinking things like this, you keep telling yourself that, as long as no one knows what you’re really thinking, it will be fine.

“Here we go.” You hear Mia’s unamused voice and you turn your head back to the game, only to realize there was a huge fight going on.

“It’s so violent.” Ella murmurs beside you, and usually you’d just laugh at her sweetness and tell her that’s just how Hockey works, but when you catch a glimpse of the number thirteen in the midst of the sea of bodies and gloves being thrown, you can help but gasp out loud.

“Oh my God. It’s Nico!” You jump on your seat, getting close to the glass in front of you. “Nico is punching someone!”

“Geez, this is gold.” Mia laughs beside you but you can’t even get mad at her, you’re too focused on the punch party unfolding in front of your eyes.

It’s not the first fight you see, but it’s the first time you see Nico getting involved. It’s the first time you watch a fist hit his perfect, angelic face and it’s the first time you watch him throw the punch back.

He’s winning the fight, a small blessing, but you can see blood on his cheek, and your heart shrinks to the size of a pea.

“Why are the refs just watching?” You say, louder than you probably should’ve. But people are busy watching the fight, so you keep going. “Do something, man!”

As Nico throws another punch, the refs finally decide to jump in and separate all of the players. Nico ends up in the penalty box alongside Jack, who decided that protecting his captain was more important than keeping up with a clean game.

“I wish Jack had gotten punched in the face.” Mia sighs, like the fact that Jack’s face’s still pretty and intact annoys her.

“Mia!” Ella reprimands her, like a mother would, and you can tell they’re going to start their daily bickering about how Mia should stop fighting Jack (from Ella’s point of view) and how Jack should stop being an asshole (from Mia’s point of view).

You stare at Nico sitting in the penalty box with his head down, and you want nothing but to go there and hug him. You know he’s a big boy, and you also know that he was the one who started the fight (and won it), but you feel bad anyway.

The rest of the game flies by and you’re eager to see Nico. You want to hold him and ask him if he’s alright, or if he’s hurt and in pain. You want to see those two dimples adorning his cheeks like they always do, and you want to look into his hazelnut eyes and want them to look back at you.

That’s why you don’t even think twice before walking faster when you spot him entering the room where the dinner would be held, and that’s also why you hug him tightly, surprising him and everyone around you.

“Oh, hey, there.” Is what he says, and you catch yourself inhaling his clean, soapy scent before removing your face from his neck and standing in front of him, your eyes scanning his entire face, barely blinking as you stare at the bruise on his cheek.

“You scared me,” you can’t help but pout— it’s only natural when you’re this upset. “I look away for a second and when I look back you’re there, in the middle of everyone, throwing punches here and there and for what?”

“The guy was an asshole, Em,” he chuckles, only to wince with pain afterwards.

“You’re hurt, Nico,” you whisper, caressing his face with the back of your hand. “It’s not funny…”

“It’s Hockey, baby,” he shrugs. “I’ll end up getting hurt in one way or another.”

“I know, I know,” you whisper. “I just wish it wasn’t like this.”

Before he can answer, someone with a huge camera takes a photo of the two of you and it probably looks awful— you had a worried expression on your face, pouty lips, arms wrapped around Nico’s neck and you were also standing on your tiptoes.

“What—”

“Can I get a photo of the two of you?” the man, probably the photographer, asks and you’re suddenly too stunned to speak. One thing is for you and Nico to post subtle, faceless pictures of each other on your Instagram, another completely different one is for one of the team’s official photographers to take a picture of the two of you as a couple and post it everywhere.

“Well—”

“Yeah, you can,” Nico, always the nice, cool guy, answers for both of you, and before you can explain to him why this isn't a great idea at all, you feel his arms around your waist pulling you closer to his body, while your arms are still resting on his neck.

You try to remove them, only to have Nico tsc-ing at you. “Keep them there.”

You nod, dumbfounded, smiling at the camera in front of you, wincing slightly when the flash momentarily hits your face.

“Beautiful!” the man smiles, angling the camera again. “Now what about a kiss?”

You feel Nico’s body freeze beside yours, and you can sense how tense he is.

“Oh, I don’t think—” he starts speaking, stuttering a lot for someone who has just been asked something as simple as kissing his girlfriend. He’s red too, cheeks flushed like maple leaves during October. “Kids will see that, no?”

“Just a tiny peck, it’s no biggie—”

“Man, no—”

“Come on, captain, give the fans what they want—”

You’re about to intervene in their bickering when you see her. Nora walks in like she owns the place, holding her father’s arm with an elegance that should be illegal. She’s wearing a red, tight dress that holds her curves in all of the right places, her hair is braided and down and her gold jewelry matches her dark-skin so freaking well.

She’s stunning and she’s breathtaking and she’s looking at you and Nico.

“Nico, kiss me.” You whisper, and Nico looks at you with a worried expression.

“Em, we don’t have to do this, it’s fine,” he squeezes your waist and turns his head around, ready to tell the guy to fuck off probably, but you grab his chin and turn his head back to you.

“Nico Hischier, kiss me. Right. Now.”

You don’t give him enough time to answer, you just glue your lips together. His eyelids fluttered closed just seconds before you leaned in, as you closed your own eyes. It was slow at first, tentative, a brief connection that hung in the air before it deepened.

Your lips parted, and his followed, a soft press that turned into something warmer, more certain. Your hands found his arms, a quiet reassurance, while his fingers traced the curve of your jaw, the warmth of your skin sending a ripple of sensation through him.

Nico’s heartbeat was a rhythm, steady but quickening, like the rise and fall of the breath between you. There was a sweetness to it, a soft and tender give-and-take, as you were both tasting each other for the first time, exploring the familiar and the unknown in the same breath.

When you pulled apart, only a fraction of a second later, the world rushed back—sounds, light, movement—but there was still that lingering warmth, a spark that hadn’t quite faded.

And neither of you said anything, not yet. You just stood there for a moment, the kiss still hanging between you, both a question and an answer all at once.

“Woof,” the photographer laughs, putting the camera down. “Now that’s what we’ve been waiting for. Thanks, Cap, thanks Mrs. Roberts.”

Neither of you say anything, because you’re both too busy staring at each other like two…

Idiots.

“Emma—”

“Well, don’t you two make the best couple in town?”

You didn’t expect her voice to be this penetrating, this ethereal. But of course it is. It’s perfect, just like everything else about Nora Ellis.

“Mrs. Ellis,” you hear yourself saying, and suddenly, all of the feelings you didn’t even have time to process after kissing Nico become something horrendous and awful. “Thank you.”

“No need to be so formal, Emma, we’re the same age,” she flicks her hand, addressing you like you’ve been friends for the past ten years. “It’s just Nora for you,” she turns to Nico, her eyes showing something that makes you feel even worse. “And for Nico.”

Nico smiles, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. “Nora. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” she bites her lip, smiling afterwards. It makes you sick to your stomach, and you remove your hands from Nico, placing them on your tummy. “So nice to finally meet you.”

Her words keep replying inside your head for the rest of the night, and you’re reminded of what you’re doing there in the first place.

You’re with Nico to make Nora Ellis fall in love with him.

You’re certainly not with Nico to make him fall in love with you, or the other way around.

<next chapter>

[dr-spectre]

i have an au that i might turn into a fanfic (depends on if i actually end up writing) and without getting too into the specifics i wanted to ask if you think callie would be properly characterized

so basically, callie overthrows octavio and the whole thing revolves around the decisions she makes as leader of the octarians. the main thing with it though is i don't really know why she would do it. i've thought maybe octavio gets so petty from his losses to the agents that he neglects his people, but idk how well that would work as a motive for callie to step in. also i'm really not sure how marie would factor into the situation, if she would be happy that callie is making an effort to help the octarians or maybe marie doesn't think callie is doing a good enough job-

idk i'm sorry for rambling. i just wanna know what you think of the idea, considering you're the only person i know of who's a bigger fan of callie than i am.

Oh that's a very interesting au!!

Hmm... a motive for Callie to step in....

Here's the thing, Callie is a very loving person, she is very kind and compassionate. She represented team love in Splatoon 1 for a reason.

I could see an event where Callie gets upset at the state of Octo Canyon and how much the Octarians are suffering, and how Octavio isn't doing that much to help. So she gets really angry at him tries to talk to him. But Octavio goes on and on about revenge and doesn't budge. So Callie has enough of his bullshit and overthrows him in order to help the Octarians in her own way.

Callie (who mains a Dynamo Roller btw) would EASILY be able to overpower the 130 year old octopus man who can't even transform back into his Octoling form anymore and has issues with moving around. Plus the Octarians became a lot more happy and motivated when Callie was helping out so I'm sure they would LOVE a new leader.

As for Marie, i feel like she would be against Callie helping the Octarians and there could be some interesting conflict there. You could make it to where Marie believes Octarians are an evil race due to being taught that when she was growing up. While Callie believes in compassion and understands that they are a struggling race that needs help and empathy. That opens the floodgates for character change and growth too!!

Anyways, those were my ideas.

[obsessive-clown]

Your content is so nice. To a fellow yandere Nanami enjoyed I am curious about your two cents on this. What would be the difference personality wise between a Yandere Nanami and a Yandere curse user Nanami 🤔

Oh!! This is an interesting one…

As someone who hasn’t dabbled too much into Curse User Nanami media (but would love to), I think I have a few ideas…

꧁ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ꧂

First of all:

Curse User Kento is far more sadistic. This is just a given, I mean look at the man. Slaughtering his entire work place? Not giving a shit about other people or anything around him? There is no doubt in my mind that man has a hit list of sorts, and every single name on that list is full of people who have wronged you, hurt you, dated you, slept with you. All of it.

Not to mention, I think Curse User Kento would be a bit sloppier with his work, unlike his Sorcerer counterpart. Whether this be on purpose or just because he has a lack of care. Sometimes he wants you to find someone from your past, that you’ve nearly forgotten about, on the news and taken out brutally. He struggles to show love and interest, at least in normal ways, anyways.

Following Up:

While CU!Kento has a lack of care, empathy and compassion for others, something about you makes his long dead, cold and miserable heart beat and feel something new.

Regular, Sorcerer Kento is just kept to himself. He doesn’t particularly like showing too much emotion. He doesn’t like people seeing his soft side and using that to their advantage. But with you, he lets you in on every bit of it. There’s just something about you that the Sorcerer loves and can’t get enough of. Unlike his Curse User counterpart, he has morals, he approaches you in a calm, normal, civilized manner.

Both of the Kento’s are incredibly problematic in their own sense though.

CU!Kento will convince you to push those around you, away. Gaslighting? He’ll do it, if it means getting to be with you. No other man— person in general— is good enough for you. Only he is. Everyone else is garbage compared to you. He struggles with being overly controlling in my mind. He would love to work on this for you, since he doesn’t particularly like seeing you upset, but he can’t help it. Old habits die hard and he just needs to know he’s your only option and that you’re his.

Sorcerer!Kento will be overly possessive of you. You want to go out? Let him come with you. He hates the thought of another person getting the idea to try and take what’s his. You’re his prized jewel, so naturally, he hovers a lot. Gatekeeping you? Absolutely. You’re his everything, his reason to keep going. He may hide all of this well and be extremely subtle and soft with how he shows it, but it’s a force of habit.

꧁ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ꧂

These are just a few things I could think of… I’m sure more will conjure and I’ll have to post about them… I apologize for posting this so late though! And I hope you enjoyed, loves. 🫀

[billpottsismygf]

Episode 7 (The Very Long Stairway)! I didn't put it in my last review, but I had a strong feeling we were going to get a flashback to the start of Edwin and Charles' relationship in this one. I had wondered if it would start with it, Good Omens style, so when it didn't happen immediately I thought maybe I was wrong. I was vindicated, however! And I love the use of the Night Nurse's already established powers as a framing device for it. I got so into what was happening, though, that I forgot that was how it started and was surprised when the camera panned to her watching everything.

So, oh my god, Edwin sat and talked with Charles as he died!!!! Edwin is so incredibly kind to him and it's heartbreaking that he knew this boy was going to die in front of him, and decided to make sure he had the most calming death possible. And Charles instantly decided to stay with him. I think it's very telling that he latches onto Edwin so quickly. Charles is someone who values kindness and helping people - he literally just died because he saved another boy from being bullied - so when he understands what Edwin did for him, he knows this is a person to hang onto.

I had wondered for a while if Charles had been the one to rescue Edwin from hell, given that they met 30 years ago, the same time he got out of hell. Turns out that no, Edwin had already just got out of hell by himself, but this was still a really satisfying flashback. Speaking of their relationship, we also finally got the love confession. I really didn't want Edwin to say anything, but it went about as well as it possibly could have. Still, gah, reeling from the secondhand embarrassment and the fact that this is not the time, Edwin! I was about to be so annoyed if the thing 'worse than a demon' had caught them because they spent so long dawdling on the staircase.

The scenes in hell themselves were really effective. Loved the page ripping punishment, very Sisyphean, and in fact the entire scene that followed with Simon was so touching I had to watch the whole thing again immediately. He was a stupid boy who didn't know what he was doing, and their reconciliation reminded me a bit of Pat forgiving the boy who shot him in Ghosts. Anyway, it seems that everyone has a crush on Edwin apart from the one boy he wants. Still, Edwin and Simon reconciling and Edwin telling him that 'if you punish yourself enough, everywhere becomes hell' but that being queer doesn't have to be a punishment, was incredibly moving. Again, Edwin has empathy for him and shows him kindness.

Relatedly, I also loved the scene with Despair. The moment she came on screen, even with her face obscured, I realised who she was. She barely features in Sandman, far less than Death anyway, but I recognised her instantly. Obviously I'm intrigued about the whole 'I'll call you if ever I need you' thing, but for the purposes of this episode I really love how that scene solidified the importance of Edwin having compassion. Edwin can be very bitchy (which I love him for), and he had every right to be mean to the boy who sent him to hell, but he chose kindness instead.

Conversely, Crystal got to choose violence and I love that for her. It was very satisfying seeing her literally get to bury David. It's fitting, as well, that David once overpowered her mind and now she's using her mind to overpower him. It is, of course, 'bad for the tree' if he stays there long, so I wonder if we'll see repercussions from that further down the line.

What else? Oh, the opening scene! The Cat King is such an interesting figure. He's creepy in the way he pursues Edwin, but it feels like they're on slightly more level ground now. He's a wild card character who's not exactly a villain, but will always act in his own interests. I'll be interested to see where his character goes from here, especially now it's been established that he's less powerful than Esther. His line about how strong and great Edwin is and who does Esther think she is trying to beat him, while obviously a problem in terms of giving her ideas, was also interesting in its own right. He clearly knows a fair bit about Edwin and genuinely thinks highly of him. Until this point we've only really seen him interacting with Edwin, where he taunts him the whole time, so this has made me all the more intrigued and invested in him.

Small things:

Edwin explaining to Charles that he doesn't fall through the floor because of the vague and weird ghost rules once again gave me strong Ghosts vibes.

I continue to love Mick, so really hoping he'll be okay after his confrontation with Esther.

Maxine in hell was interesting! I thought we'd learn more about her after her death, but it was a very fleeting appearance.

I thought Jenny might actually learn about ghosts and demons and psychics (oh my), but it seems not, alas.

Simon got a blue light after Edwin left, so does that mean Death came to him? Can people in hell get closure from unfinished business and move on? Or is it something Edwin specifically is good at doing for people?

Monty's still around and doing Esther's bidding! Someone turn him back into a human, please! Maybe Crystal?

I loved Niko getting to save the day (for now) through the power of reading comprehension!

[felixravinstills]

Hi! I'm new around your ask box, your blog in general, but it's been keeping me so entertained with all the writing for these characters i've never even paid attention to before! Keep up the good work, you got me to be interested in reading the HG novels, haha.

Anyway, since you recently published work on Dr. Gaul I feel like this would be the most appropriate time to talk about it. I don't know if you've ever explored this concept before, or if someone has already mentioned it to you or if it's just common knowledge in the fan base, but the fact that Dr. Gaul hadn't considered Coriolanus' proposal of 'getting people attached to the tributes' for the past 9 editions is so fascinating? It's such a basic concept in writing, people will want more out of something they care for—usually and especially characters— that it boggles my mind that it wasn't something she considered before (though, to her credit, applying fiction logic to a gore fest reality show does seem pretty unconventional. Or maybe it's a case of Oops! Missed something obvious!).

It makes me wonder a couple of things about her and her worldview. She spends the entire movie (and I assume, the book) harping on about humanity's inherent savagery, yet she considered that empathy and sentimentality could get in the way of what's allegedly biological? Is that why she saw Snow as so promising? Because on top of proving her right he proved that even human kindness can be weaponized to favor violence?

I'm so sorry for the long ask I ended up rambling too much but i thought you'd be the only person in the fanbase at the moment who'd engage in Dr. Gaul discussion lol!

Oh, hello, anon! Welcome! Always happy to answer asks, no matter the length! Feel free to ramble!

Also with the exception of Gaul, there might be a good reason no one pays attention to the characters that I talk about (I basically made most of them up)! But I appreciate the interest! The novels are great! While I do fixate on minor characters, I do try and align what I write with the themes and ideas the novels explore, so there's still plenty of appeal to them! Just don't expect the Ravinstills to be a really big part of them lol (Gaul discussion under the cut)

To me, Volumnia doesn't seem like the type to care if people watch the Games. Like I know she reacts like this in the book:

Dean Highbottom shot Dr. Gaul a look. “You see? It’s a failed experiment.” “It is if no one watches!” she snapped back. She gave Coriolanus an indulgent smile. “He’s a child himself. Give him time. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Well, I’m off to visit my mutts.” (Ch. 4)

But to me, I think it only starts mattering to her, because there's this implication that if they don't start raising viewership (or having some more concrete worth to the Capitol), then the Games will end, and she would hate for her little experiment annual art installation to be taken down. I think part of the reason that she doesn't come up with getting people attached to the Tributes is that she gets tunnel vision. She doesn't understand why no one can see her thesis statement. The worth of the Games is self-explanatory to her because of her worldview. How can she get people to see what should be obvious? The Games for her are the point in themselves— her little microcosm of the world reflecting her ideology. If the people don't understand the message right in front of them, then they're fools.

Volumnia Gaul, in my mind (and like many people in the Capitol), is a hypocrite. She'll say that humanity is inherently savage and then close her eyes to any signs of empathy and compassion happening around her (and in her Games). I think that she latches onto Snow, because she sees the seeds of ambition and the desperation of someone on a shorter leash than most in him. He's the perfect candidate for someone she can mold into understanding her worldview (and I think he reminds her of President Ravinstill, but that's fully me taking vague subtextual friendship between her and Pres. R and turning it into a whole thing). I also think that Crassus Snow being someone who used his best friend to get ahead and also was likely fully okay with an idea like the Hunger Games, plays a part in her initial interest in Snow. (Also in the above quote? I love that she's already got an eye on him! "I have a good feeling about this one." ehjtkrhjk)

I think Snow's weaponizing of empathy is actually very appealing to her like you say! I think she sees it as a way to rationalize acts of kindness and sentiment as something rooted in her idea of humanity's inherent violence! She gets to use him as a case study for that even if not all his kindness was a way to get ahead. Her whole worldview maintains itself through confirmation bias, and I think what she thinks of Snow is no different. She actively shapes him, and then probably turns around and goes "see that? human nature."

Anyway, I hope I answered all your questions! Once, I start typing I get a little lost, so if you'd like elaboration or clarification or just have another question, let me know!

And as always, these are, of course, just my two cents. There's definitely many ways to interpret Gaul and just everything.

I am also surprised that there isn't more discussion on Volumnia though... Like there are a few others, who contemplate her as well, but I thought there would be more. Anyway, thanks for the ask again, anon!

[our-aroace-experience]

so. I'm not sure if this belongs here. but I can't really talk abt it irl without hurting other people's feelings so here we go:

I don't think I feel love. like, at all.

I see little mementos of people I used to be close friends with, and I feel nothing. When people tell me they love me, it sometimes feels good to know that i'm liked, but at the same time i only say it back because it is kind of expected (and i dont want to intentionally hurt their feelings). When I think about the people in my life leaving or dying, i don't feel sad. i don't feel anything.i find it easier to feel compassion for the idea of people than a person i actually know irl. i have problems mantaining long lasting friendships because it takes work and in the end it doesn't make a huge difference to me whether this person specifically is in my life or not.

i think the closest thing i feel to love is when i feel the sun tingling in my skin or am cuddling with my dog (who sometimes makes funny noises, its hilarious)

im not sure what the point of this ask is tbh. I always thought that love was a huge part of my life (even if not romantic), but I recently realized that that is not true. or at least, not anymore. it wasn't earth shattering or anything. it felt more like a scientist confirming something they already knew, if it makes sense? a detached sense of "oh yeah, makes sense. moving on"

so yeah. I don't need consoling or reassurance or anything. just cool to be able to tell it to real people (even if anonymously lol)

Dunno. Just remember that lack of love or empathy does not automatically make you subhuman or a bad person :)

i couldn’t agree more with the end of your message, and your dog sounds adorable :)

[xplrvibes]

So all the costumes are out now, can we have your costume ratings for Sam and Colby this year now?

You certainly can!

With a caveat.

Actually, two caveats.

So, 1: I could only find 4 of Sam's costumes. I don't know if I'm missing one or if he just never posted one or what, but I only see 4.

2: I'm going to address the elephant in the room right now, which is Malia. Here's my thing: I didn't think any of her costumes were groundbreaking. But I have seen some unbelievably weird and wildly inappropriate shit being said quite openly about her, her body, and her costumes - shit that crosses a lot of fucking lines in my opinion - and it's making me not want any part of critiquing her because I don't even want to crack that door open and allow that shit to barge right on in to my blog.

So, the only mentions I will be making of Malia and her costumes will be how they correlate to Colby's, and that's it.

Anyway, with that said, here's my rankings:

Sam:

1. Leather jacket cool guy (?): alright, so I don't know if he was going for a greaser type thing, or the Fonz, or what, and that's kind of my beef with this costume. It's seriously just a leather jacket and sunglasses. Nothing has been done with his hair or anything to indicate what he was truly going for here, so it's a little on the vague side for me.

The concept was there, I just would've liked to see more in the execution. I think doing the old greased back hair, the duck tail or whatever they called it, and then carrying a comb or something would've gone a long way.

Rating: 5/10

2. Letterman jacket guy: This was just lazy. Colby Brock wearing a koala onesie for 6 years levels of lazy. No.

Rating: 2/10

3. Lifeguard: the fanny pack was...a choice, but at least he went out and got a whole outfit. A random outfit, but the concept was there and executed without looking like some kind of last minute hobbled together "oh shit, I need something!" nonsense.

Rating: 6/10

4. Willy Wonka: In a sea of mediocrity, this was a pretty decent, fully fledged costume. I have to give him credit for the gloves and the cane, which he appeared to keep with him all night. I can't really find any fault with this one, random though it may be.

Rating: 8/10

Sam's worst: Letterman jacket

Sam's best: Willy Wonka

.

Colby:

1. Tin Man: This one was actually really involved. I love that he went as far as having his whole face painted and his hair spray painted silver to match. That's commitment that I quite frankly never expected from him.

I also really loved the 1,000 yard stare he was giving in that one tiktok. Idk, that just made me laugh.

I also like the concept of him being the Tin Man, of all the characters in Oz - the guy with the most empathy and compassion who still thinks he doesn't have a heart and yearns for it until it's lifted to him at the end, at which point he realizes he's been a softie the whole time. Seems apt.

He loses points for the lazy ass shoes, though.

Rating: 8/10

2. The priest: I just liked the eyeliner, idk.

To me, it was very much giving 2005 Gerard Way vibes, but I know some people were discomforted by it, which is fine. I personally just saw it as some early 2000s or even 90s emo goth couture...very MCR, or even very 90s fashion show-esque. Idk. I didn't love it, but the concept was weirdly nostalgic to me.

Rating: 6.5/10

3. The Tomb Raider one: Look, I don't know video games, so this one went over my head a bit (ok, a lot).

But I'd say this one was the most creative on Malia's part, and I know this was a costume Colby has mentioned doing for a long time now, so it's cool that he finally got to knock that off his bucket list.

If I knew what the fuck any if this represented, I could probably judge it better. But since I don't know the lore, I can only say I appreciate the eyeliner and the attention to detail with the makeup made to look like dirt and bruises. I thought Malia had genuinely burned her leg somehow. I had a split second of concern 🤣. That's good makeup.

Rating: 7/10

4. The Wolf: Nope! Liked it better when I thought it was this:

I liked Malia's corset, and I actually kind of liked the pictures she posted of them. I see the vision, I just...hate the reality. He looks like a grandma. He looks like a homeless cat. He looks like anything but a Wolf. I'm so confused.

And why did he have whiskers?

Rating: 3/10

5. The nerds (?): At some point, the genesis of this whole costume needs to be explained. I still don't necessarily see teacher/student (and again - *raises hand* former Catholic school student here, which is what I know people are getting at with that statement) but I also don't see anything of interest in this costume at all. He bought the cardigan off Amazon. It's not even from an existing costume. I know, cause I reverse imaged it to try and get to the bottom of this. This shit is home grown.

I don't like it. It's boring, it's a nothing burger, and yet it's cause so much controversy, which I suppose is the Colby Brock way.

Rating: 1/10

6. Hugh Hefner and the Playboy Bunny: I get the genesis of this one, I do. I think it's either 1. really weirdly sweet or, 2. just weird for this to be what they're wearing, given Malia's lineage. I don't know for sure if that was an homage, but I can't imagine it wasn't.

That being said - Colby ambling around his party in a half open bathrobe and sailor hat, clearly drunk off his ass and wanting to go home more than I've ever seen anyone want to go home from their own party before, is kind of funny to me.

This was either a nice but weird homage or the height of laziness (since she had already previously dressed up as a bunny, and finding a Hef costume is as easy as going to Spirit Halloween). Either could be true. Both could be true. Who's to say.

Rating: 4/10

Colby's worst: the wolf

Colby's best: Tin Man

[acorpsecalledcorva]

While I do definitely wholly agree that no perspective or technique is universally useful and helpful for everyone, I definitely think there is value in being open to the perspectives and techniques that we've dismissed in a limited and specific way when we struggle.

For instance, I use parts language and view the system, including myself as a part as all being part of a collective singular me. It's why I tend not to use we/us a lot. I, and the other mes take ownership of all actions taken by petty much everyone in the system because this creates a sense of cohesion and continuality that allow us to function. It reduces daily amnesia because we're not constantly trying to distance ourselves from each other and generally reduces friction around decisions trusting that they're made with the system in mind rather than personally for each part. HOWEVER, I've always hated myself. I have incredibly negative opinions about who I am and punish myself a lot for just being me or not being a better version of me. Any mistakes I make are treated with severe prejudice and I don't accept nice things because I feel like I don't deserve them.

I would never treat anyone else like that though, I wouldn't think these things about a friend. And so for these issues it IS useful to view my parts as completely separate people, to think of them as friends or colleagues or family, because I can show them the compassion I cannot show myself. If an alter fucks up or does something harmful I can remember that they come from a history of pain and isolation, I can understand their actions and forgive them, think about what they might need from me to heal and help them move on because I truly believe that everyone is deserving of rehabilitation.

Sometimes though, I have to reverse engineer this situation. Often an issue with persecutors is that they feel rejected, their actions and behaviours were once a helpful coping mechanism but when our lives changed and we moved on it became less and less appropriate to do those things. They get stuck doing the only thing they know how to do and become increasingly frustrated that it's no longer working or being appreciated by the system. They're hostile to everyone else because they've been treated with hostility and aren't open to reconciliation because by that time it's like "oh what? Now you want to talk? Fuck you". To write them off is to confirm what they think about themselves. That they're bad and evil and so what's the point in getting better because they don't deserve compassion or acceptance from the system. Sound familiar?

So what do I do? Well, from my distanced perspective I then have to approach it with curiosity. Why might I behave this way? What scenario might lead me to do these things? What environment might convince me that this is a necessary thing to do? Can I find empathy with this position or similarities? Could that be a point of connection through which to make a connection? To show that I truly understand what they're going through and genuinely want to help?

Or even, am I subconsciously a willing participant in this dynamic? I hate myself, right? Do I think I deserve these things to do be done to me? At one point in time is this behaviour what I thought showing love was? Is this what it meant to be cared for to me back then? Does this situation feel safer to me in a way because pain and suffering is the devil I know?

In Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott believes that we create painful scenarios for ourselves because our brains desire a more complete human experience, the good with the bad, and the more we conciously reject and resent the bad the more we desire it and create badness for ourselves. It is only by accepting this desire and gratifying ourselves by enjoying it and being grateful for the terrible things that happen that we can move on and seek out the good. Which is...definitely one of the takes of all time. I definitely take issues with the implications of victim blaming that are prevalent throughout her book, but there is insight to be drawn for sure. And in fact, the number one recommended approach to a persecutor is gratitude. To thank them for doing what they do, to show them that they're appreciated for their role and what they're trying to do, because from that position it may very well be more possible to provide constructive criticism. You have to mean it though, because by living in your head they can usually tell your true feelings.

And I completely understand why that might feel impossible to do when you feel like what they do is unforgivable, but there's a very important lesson that everyone needs to learn if they want to grow. And that's that sometimes it is up to us to take responsibility for a situation, even when we really shouldn't have to, even when it so completely isn't our fault or fair in the slightest. If what a persecutor needs to feel to change their behaviour is gratitude and acceptance, to feel that they really are a vital part of the system just like everyone else, and by providing this for them we can make things better for ourselves and the rest of the system, to create a net positive effect on all regards, then... shouldn't we? Not because of some moral duty to do the right thing or be the better person, but simply because things would be better?

Like, if there's a $1000 dollars on a table that's free for you to take, if you don't take it then no one will get it, it's only there for you to take or not with no judgement or consequences either way even if you feel like there will be, would you really not take it? And if not, then why? Do you think it's a trick? Do you think that you don't deserve it? You see how these all loop around and connect to each other?

This post is long and confusing because these situations are complicated and don't have any simple answers. All I'm trying to highlight and urge everyone to do is to never stop being curious. Always ask yourself questions, always approach something from a different angle. Especially when you come across obstacles that feel impossible. If anything that I've said feels completely wrong to you, rather than dismissing it as not being applicable to you ask yourself why you feel like it doesn't? If your persecutor is actually irredeemable and evil but mine are not, what makes you different than me? Is it easier for you to think that because then you don't have to put in the work? Does it make you feel special to have a kind of persecutor someone else doesn't? If what I'm saying right now offends you, is there a possibility, however small you think it may be, that deep down it might be true?

No, I don't think you can say for certain that every persecutor is a misguided protector, but what if the one you've decided definitely isn't actually is? What if you're wrong about them? What if you can fix it and make things better? Shouldn't you try? Why not?

[thetonethetollandthethunder]

Scythe chapter 16-20!!

Ayy we’re backk!! Let’s just get started shall we?

Chapter 16!!

-oh god the elegy—

-“Could you imagine me as a teenager?” OH YES I CAN OHOHO

-This also shows how much power scythes and especially Goddard has

-And also shows how bad of a scythe Goddard is as well

-Scythe Curie makes a good point that also relates to the toll, in which it doesn’t matter if they kill Goddard or anyone like him because another with the same ideology will always come along without fail

-this chapter didn’t have much but it IS good so ykyk

Chapter 17!!

-OHHH ITS THE MOMENT THAT EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS OVER!! SCYTHE FARADAY IS D-D-DEAD or is he? :) :)

-Rowan instinctively trying to protect Citra!!!

-it makes sense for most disabilities to be nonexistent but that doesn’t mean I have to like it :/ like idk why the way it’s done is just :// especially as a disabled person myself

-The way the describe Faraday’d death is already suspicious if you already know he isn’t dead but when you’re first reading it, it does make sense!

-OH AND THE SEPARATE TRAININGS BEGINS!!!

-“If I ever take on an apprentice it will be for a different reason entirely.” OHOHO I KNOW I KNOWWWW

-Again not much to say BUT still rlly good!!

Chapter 18!!!

-Part 3 begins!!

-SCYTHE CURIE!!

-Again I always forget the names of these places, falling water is a very pretty name!!

-Citra being angry about Faraday’s death OUGH, she’s rlly going through 5 stages of grieve style

-Could you imagine ppl in the future calling our decor and shit old fashioned? Bizarre

-I love how they make Curie instantly charming and likable with only a few scenes, good writing man!!

-What hobbies would other scythes have? I wonder…

-Fun fact, i cannot drive, tried to learn and crashed the car, oh how I wish driving wasn’t necessary like in scythe

-Giving us little notes about the comfort scythes can give

-We hear a lot about being stagnant in the Scythe universe, and like, yeah, if you were in this utopia wouldn’t you grow stagnant even quicker than most? You have nothing to do literally

-You can really feel how observant Curie is, she noticed the small details

-Jesus even Curie’s yelling scared ME and I already knew what was gonna happen! She’s rlly intimidating—

-Gotta uphold your image!!

-“Another Scythe might have exacted a punishment far worse.” *COUGH COUGH GODDARD*

-Again shit names!! Barton Breen??? What??

-20 kids,, Jesus,,

-You can Curie’s own version of compassion, it’s different from Faradays yet still wonderful

-She did find her own way of gleaning!!

-Again FUCK Goddard!!

-I do wonder what would happen if Citra was trained by Goddard instead of Rowan…

-“Immortality has turned us all into cartoons.” GOD THAT LINEE

-Amazing chapter!! Told a LOT abt Curie!!!

CHAPTER 19!!!!

-Oo!! I thought this moment happened in Thunderhead but I misremembered!!

-Tho I THINK something similar happens??? Idk maybe my memory is fuckin with me ushejdj

-ALSO DAMN CITRA!! Pushin girls in front of TRUCKS holy fuck!!!

-Hate the eating descriptions!!

-TELL THE MOTHER YOU TWO!!! LIKE CMON??

-Cindy lmaoo, whenever someone whitewashes Citra im gonna call it Cindy instead <3 spite

-“err on the side of respect.” LMAO love that line

-RONDA ROADKILL IM DYINGGGGGG and so did she! (Temporarily but yk)

-“Can i throw you under a truck some other time?” She’s a busy person! I’d totally throw Citra under a truck! Would be fun!

-Morals change when theres little consequences, Citra would never even CONSIDER pushing Ronda in the mortal age, but since people can just come back it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing, it also shows how the concept of empathy and morality has changed in this society

-“the cloud” like icloud! Guess apple won in this world!

-“The machine had a purer soul than any human” NO IT DOESNT IVE SEEN AI ART YOU CANT FOOL ME!!!

-FUCK YOU SCYTHE GODDARD!!!

-OO TIME FOR CITRA TO INVESTIGATE!! I remember LOVING this plot so!!!!

Chapter 20!!

-Rowan finally!!! I missed you!!!!!

-He doesn’t wanna kill Citra!!! The beginning of his devotion to her UGHHH

-god hes only 17, I think we forgot how young these characters are, they really are just kids being pushed into this horrible situation god,,,

-“His was a life without substance, and now it would end.” God and here we see Rowan’s iconic self deprecating “emo” moments, people make fun of these scenes a lot but I fucking love em, it really contrasts Rowan and Citra. Citra has people who love and care about her, Rowan doesn’t, he knows that (in this moment) if he died no one would really care or remember him, so when he finds Citra, someone who does care about him and would care if he died, he clings to it. I mean when you’re that neglected and want SOMEONE to care even a little about you, wouldn’t you do the same thing?

-He already wants to change things!! And he will!! He will change a lot, though not as much as his girlfriend!!

-VOLTA!!

-“So is there a reason why you choose your robes to be the color of piss?” HA one of my favorite lines!!

-“the Change” god their ideology—, the fact they’re all thinking that they’re changing things for the better really shows how convincing of a man Goddard is, GOD i hate him!!!

-Ans here we have Goddard’s MANY parties

-my sensory issues would hate this

-I accidentally spelled Goddard’s name as Goodard which…Isn’t that so Ironic?

-“Bimbotech” Neal I’m BEGGING you to stop

-“Rowan wondered if the man had a diamond-studded bathing suit in his waredrobe as well.” He would because he’s a vain prick!!

-HES UNDERAGE STOP GIVING HIM ALCOHOL!! *Looking at you RAND especially ya creep—*

-“He was lucky if they even remembered to get him a gift” rowans parents man,,, He was really fucking neglected man it’s so awful, and the fact he still cares about them despite that GODDD

-See how goddard bend the rules? See how he twists them to make them fit what HE wants? Yeah, he’s gonna do that a lot; again, fuck you Goddard

-ESME!!! Shes backk!! And he’s right! She’ll be important!!

-GOD this is a good chapter, rowan my beloved!!

And that’s it!!! Next time will be chapters 21-25!! We’re going so fast aren’t we?

[zenballmaster]

I'd love to hear more about a Tai-Lung Shen meeting, because it sounds amazingly volatile. I cannot picture them getting along on any level.

OH BOY i'm glad you gave me this opportunity but i do have to apologize bc i just Exploded into rambling

ok so first off before anything else i have to explain that my own headcanon interpretation for tai lung is that he is shen’s opposite in a lot of ways

shen revels in being vindictive and bitter (even if after the fact it'll make him feel Worse). there is no part of him that wishes to be respected or admired over being Obeyed. he gets some sense of twisted satisfaction out of being the worst version of himself and Disappointing everyone who isn’t the soothsayer. do Not try to empathize with him! but also don’t you dare think of him as just some petty child throwing a tantrum bc his parents didn’t give him the exact gift he wanted once!! he’s a mess

tai lung on the other hand i’ve always thought very desperately wants to be admired and respected, and to be so for Being Good. he wants to be the beloved hero. but somewhere with him some lines end up crossed, and so he wishes to do heroic things, like protect the meeker and the more vulnerable, but not out of any real sense of empathy or compassion for them (not that he’s entirely aware of it, imo). he’s still inherently selfish and entitled, and unbelievably smug. he doesn’t know what it feels like to work for something he doesn’t already feel like he deserves, as i said once in a tag somewhere

still tho, objectively i think he would feel some amount of repulsion and righteous condemnation towards taking the same kind of actions shen has and does, at least when he’s not Blinded by his own emotions and entitlement

in short, he would look down on shen as nothing more than an unrepentant murderer and feel no compulsion to play nice, or to have any kind of respect for the guy. shen, being the prideful creature he is, i’m certain would find this turn of events Unacceptable

particularly and especially if he also Knew tai lung’s own history of violence, as it’d leave him feeling more furiously that tai lung was just a big ol’ hypocrite, and he’d make it his own personal mission to drag that condescending prick down to his level (the level he’s already On, in shen’s own not so humble opinion) so that he could metaphorically strip him bare in front of a mirror (shen himself) and show him just how monstrous he is, just how Alike the two of them are

additionally, but maybe kind of tangentially, when i first bumped into the kfp rpc scene back in 2013, 2014 or so, there existed a crack ship There which i still find. just. very compelling, and that crack ship was pairing tai lung and crane together. at the time there was an enduring headcanon (which i still really like) that the five were all different ages, and this particular RPer chose to portray crane as being in his 40s (another decision/headcanon i still really like)

it was a ship that mostly existed in the past, before tai lung’s uhhhh Incident, and what interactions i did glimpse implied an AU where tai lung survived the first movie and the two of them were still tiptoeing around each other, trying to figure out how to interact after all this bitterness when before they’d had such affection for each other

all this to say that my own more Specific version of this interaction playing out also had that foundation, where tai lung despite everything still has crane placed somewhat on a proverbial pedestal as an ideal for him to strive toward— strong, levelheaded and composed, but warm and responsive. he can be both sharp and sarcastic, but it’s always tempered with genuine care for loved ones and strangers alike

and shen Finds Out about that past relationship, puts some pieces together, and is able to puzzle out tai lung’s lingering Feelings. and, as shen is so wont to do, he endeavors then to ruin everything lmao

usually by going along with tai lung in emphasizing crane’s Goodness only to more viciously widen the gap between them, show tai lung just how Undeserving he is of crane’s forgiveness, should he ever choose to give it (at the time, he’s still quite cool and distant, but i imagine there’s some anger in there somewhere which tai lung is perceptive enough to Feel)

[friendofthecrows]

Hi, I hope it's okay to ask - I know very little about aspd and found your posts very educational. What I am still trying to understand is: if someone with aspd has no empathy, sympathy, compassion etc, what makes you want to (in your words) be a "functional" member of society, to not harm others even if it would benefit you? What makes interpersonal connection valuable and enjoyable for you? Sorry if this is a stupid question.

Not a stupid question at all. (And it is always ok to ask, I can always just not answer if I don't like the question <3)

Sorry for answering this late, but on the bright side I've written the Goncharov anchovy scene.

The short answer is:

About half because we're not malicious by default, and about half because it's disadvantageous to be harmful so much of the time.

More explanation:

Most of the time, since we're not really going to care too much one way or another, it's not too "out of the way" so to speak to act good. And that's even without taking into account that all the symptoms of aspd are on a spectrum. It is possible (not even that uncommon, just difficult) for people with aspd to have some people they care about, and they may want to help those people even if it isn't beneficial, or at least so they don't leave them.

Another factor is that while it's a stereotype for antisocials to always be cold and unfeeling, that's not always true. Being detached from one's emotions or having a limited emotional range is common, but so is having very volatile emotions which are unpredictable or difficult to control. We tend towards one end or another of the extremes. And also boredom is a big problem for people with aspd. There are some interesting studies on this actually, but because of a few physiological factors, our sensations (both physically and emotionally) are often dampened, and sensation-seeking and other means of staving off the Nothing TM are pretty much staple coping mechanisms. Combine that + emotions are actually possible/common and you have someone who might want to feel your praise or attention, or might find your problems interesting, or might just be desperate for something that takes them out of their routine.

Alternatively, we might want to avoid the consequences of being unhelpful, rude, or hurtful. Keep in mind that aspd is a disorder that develops in response to early but prolonged childhood trauma, often abuse. That plus how society reacts to us makes it obvious why "masking" is pretty much a constant thing for any of us who can maintain it. It has been shown to us, time and time again, that acting "like a psychopath" is going to get us punished in some way. Showing people that side is ✨Bad Decision Zone✨.

Speaking of which...

We also tend to have 1. poor impulse control and 2. really skewed risk versus return. For most of us, we mentally minimize risk. So a lot of our actual destructive and harmful behavior is legit just "I thought about this and then did it before I realized this might be the ✨Bad Decision Zone✨." Yeah, sometimes we are more traditionally scheming, but like, you actually have to be able to stick to a plan for that, and our poor impulse control makes that really hard. It happens, for sure. But if you think "gosh if they catch onto this I'm going to be hurt again" paired with "this person is pretty interesting I don't want them to leave" and "oh wait a sec: I'm going to spend the next 3-7 business weeks on a DIFFERENT bad decision" plus "holy shit...positive emotions? Those are great." You often get what appears to be ultimately harmless and often outright beneficial behavior even if it isn't helping the aspd person in question, at least not in an obvious way.

Lastly, a lot of times, these things like for example "I don't want them to leave" can turn manipulative. But not all manipulation is created equal. Sometimes it might turn into a toxic relationship, or it might just end up with them being an extra-good friend. It can go either way.

"What makes interpersonal connection valuable and enjoyable for you?" It is an entirely different question and is likely to get completely different responses from different antisocials. Even within my own system, you'll get answers ranging from "it isn't," to "well, people can be fun," to "I'm just so desperate to be liked you have no idea," to "it isn't but this ONE person..." You get the idea.

I was wrong about lastly, one final thing: Whilst people with aspd have either really low or no empathy, compassion, as in the intellectual understanding of others' pain, is possible. I've never really understood the precise meaning of sympathy so I can't comment on that one. It always just seems like compassion crossed with pity so idk? I'd actually be curious as to what people think of that one.

[zalrb]

hey! just wanted to say that I originally found your blog through ashburn bc you were one of the only other ppl shipping them, and I finally got around to watching tvd this year. I finished a few months ago and I’ve just been making my way through your stelena metas bc you’re so good at putting into words all the the thoughts I have around that show…don’t know if tvd was worth it but now stelena is one of my favorite ships of all time lol. I almost feel like them and ashburn are kind of similar.

Oh hey! TVD is definitely not worth it but Stelena most certainly is, And I absolutely get what you mean about Ashburn and Stelena being similar because they both have a version of being kindred spirits in common.

Like when I talk about Ashburn:

On top of that they share the similarities in their liminality: Michael, a human raised on Vulcan struggling between logic and emotion and Ash, a fusion of human and Klingon, both of which are conditions steeped in traumatic events, and in season one they helped each other navigate that

With Stelena:

Elena was like this walking dead person, she felt dead inside. And along come Stefan, who literally is dead, and looking for a way to come back to life. And these two people, these two souls who were really, you know, out of breath, find each other and learn to breathe again and fall madly in love. And from that, this epic love story was born

And with Ashburn, despite the horrors Ash went through, he's optimistic and compassionate and his fortitude and his sense of will inspires Michael while also providing her a safe space while Ash is in awe of Michael's empathy and capacity for kindness and that provides him a safe space.

Comparatively, Elena loves Stefan's commitment to atonement and to helping others and his outlook and optimism continuously helps her grow while Elena's openness and understanding and compassion [for him] provides him a safe space and also allows him to grow.

So then they both have scenes like this

[thigiocamap]

thoughts on empathy

i have always had very low empathy, and when i was younger i made no effort to mask it since i didn’t understand why i had to and also im autistic. to me, navigating different kinds of relationships with low empathy felt like dealing with the same kinds of “invisible rules” as is usual with social situations. i have never felt for other people, and so whenever my friends would feel sadness i just wasn’t able to understand why or feel sadness for them, and so i wasn’t able to be a very helpful friend. i’d essentially just think to myself “oh, this person is really upset, i guess. i dont really get why? why don’t they just stop? it’s so easy” because i wasn’t able to feel what they were feeling. it seemed easy to just “quit being sad” to me, because i had no idea what it felt like to be in their shoes in that moment

of course, no one really likes it when their friend doesn’t give a crap about your issues. there have been a lot of times when ive hurt people because of my low empathy. so eventually i learned to essentially “fake it til i make it” — i learned compassion, even though i don’t actually feel empathy.

because while i don’t have the empathy, i do /care/ about people, generally. i don’t feel the feelings, but i know that people don’t deserve to be treated in particular ways or deserve to experience particular things from a logical standpoint. so i learned how to express compassion, to help people and to essentially “make up” for not being able to feel the feelings on my own. because it’s not like most people can tell the difference anyways (people have expressed to me before that they think im extremely empathetic and sensitive to feelings just because i listen to people and try to help them feel better when they’re sad)

generally, my opinions on empathy are: you shouldn’t vilify people for having low/none of it (it doesn’t make people inherently evil or inhuman), but i also believe that compassion is a learned trait and that it’s fair to learn how to express it when needed, because it’s just the kind thing to do for others. my low empathy does make me at fault for a lot of situations when i dont account for it while talking to people, but i don’t consider it an excuse for when people i know are like, literally suicidal or going through the worst times of their lives or something. i think it’s obvious that i shouldn’t expect people to reciprocate in showing compassion to me if i won’t show it to them, so that’s also why i do it.

it bothers me when people act like empathy is inherently good/what makes us human, but it also bothers me when people act like having low empathy is an excuse to be the worst friend ever. because you really can fake it. it isn’t particularly hard to. you just need to tell people what you think they want to hear, and in 99% of cases it’s just “you don’t deserve to feel that way”, or “i will listen to you and respond to you more often”, or “you are my friend and these are the things i like about you”. they’re like logical solutions to the problems people are having, in my eyes. for me, figuring out logical solutions to a problem doesn’t have to mean attempting to navigate through invisible social rules (like what makes usual social interactions so difficult as an autistic person). like, for example, if a person is feeling like no one likes them, the logical solution to that is to tell them i like them and the reasons why i do. if someone is feeling unseen and as though people aren’t responding to them, the logical solution to that is to begin responding to them more often and being more attentive of when they’re trying to make conversation. et cetera

that’s part of why it bothers me too when people act like low empathy = evil monster. people can’t even tell the difference between actual empathy and compassion anyways. why does it matter whether or not someone can feel the feelings, if they’re still trying to do good?

(also, if im misusing words throughout this post, that’s my fault cuz a lot of these words seem to have fuzzy definitions that vary from person to person. when i use empathy here, i mean it in the way of “being able to take on another person’s perspective and personally feel the feelings that they’re experiencing”. when i use compassion, i mean “recognizing the suffering of other people and taking action to help by expressing care”, without any sort of prerequisite of empathy 👍)

[pollenallergie]

Not sure if my message about Billy Knight went through (the internet went down at my work just as I pressed send lol) but if not, I think Billy is the best one to go to if you’re having a bad day, he’d make you a cup of tea and really listen to you and afterwards he’d wrap you up in the best hug

Oh absolutely!! He’s super understanding, supportive, and kind, making it easy to confide in him. Billy’s also a really attentive listener, always hanging into every word you say, totally tuned into you, and focused on what you’re saying, only interjecting with feedback or kind words when he feels it’s both appropriate and absolutely necessary to do so. Moreover, he’s one of those guys that you can actually complain to and receive empathy in return, rather than the responses you’d usually get from men: either entirely disengaged or offering you unwanted advice. Billy lets you vent and complain to him without offering anything more than his undivided attention, his shoulder to lean on, and warm words of reassurance, consolation, acceptance, and empathy. Billy doesn’t just simply hear you; he listens to you, understands you, and offers you compassion, encouragement, and unwavering support. You frequently tell him he’d make a great therapist. Yet, he always brushes your praise off with some offhanded remark about how he’s only so good at listening because of how much time he’s spent in therapy sessions over the years. Billy’s always unwilling to accept that he’s a kind, supportive person because that sort of thing comes to him naturally, not because life has forced him into that role.

Sometimes, when life is tough on you, Billy has your cup of tea ready and a cosy spot prepared for you on the sofa, complete with a blanket that’s been warmed in the dryer, as soon as you walk through the front door. He’ll listen to you and hold you for as long as you need, warmed by the thought that you’re so comfortable relying on him in times of distress.

One thing’s for certain about Billy is that even a mere two days with him will ruin you for any other guy on the face of the planet. He makes all of your exes look like neglectful pricks without even trying to. He’s just naturally a very caring, kindhearted, loving person.

[themastermarkus]

I wanted to add to my thoughts on why I don't like Levi choosing to bring back Armin in Midnight Sun since my post about it is getting a bit more attention (especially with @levmada 's argument against it) I've thought more about the issue since.

I STILL need to re-read the manga to the end of "season 3", so my thoughts on specific lines will probably be upcoming, but I can clarify something that really bothers me:

People often talk about Levi choosing to "let Erwin die" as an act of empathy, but to me it just raises the question "why do we have to accept the idea that Erwin is justified in feeling like he deserves to die?"

See, to me this makes it sound like suicide is a good solution to guilt, and that because someone has suicidal thoughts, it's... okay to let them die? (I know this is an issue that gets dicey, and I do support medically-assisted suicide, but that isn't the situation here; Erwin's problem is emotional, not that he's terminally ill or something.)

I know that Armin is also a factor, but of course I don't think that bringing him back because he is less sad about life makes it more justifiable when we then have to consider other factors like what is best for humanity.

People praise Levi for his compassion in letting Erwin die, but it's just another thing that, when I read it, takes me out of the story and into that kind of thinking of "Oh yeah, this is written by Isayama, and he doesn't have the emotional maturity/experience to think of better ways out of this situation" or at the very least he doesn't WANT a better way, because he's already decided that Erwin needed to die for the drama and the plot. Moments like Levi telling Erwin that it's okay to "give up on [his] dream and die" doesn't make me think "Levi is so sympathetic to Erwin, giving him permission to probably die for the cause!" (Something Erwin had been constantly risking anyway, regardless of his goal being "selfish" or not), it just makes me think, "Damn, maybe I don't like Levi as much as I thought, because that's a shitty thing to say" and "Wow, Isayama doesn't know how real people talk to each other." (I also still can't get past the idea of "Erwin needs to give up on his dream, and can die because he's guilt-ridden and suicidal, but Armin's dream of just... seeing the ocean is SO AFFECTING THAT WE CAN'T LET HIM DIE! Didn't you see the scene where Levi overheard Armin talking about how much of a dream he has!?" I know people don't literally say that, but when you break it down, is that not what's happening?)

A sort of TL;DR is just that I think Erwin needed more emotional support, not DEATH—which also goes into an issue I have where I think we are supposed to figure that Erwin, Levi, and Hange are close and would probably talk about personal things but apparently Erwin's guilt didn't come up somehow!? (Even if he didn't tell anyone about his father, I don't think he'd NEED TO to get the problem he's dealing with across)—but I also know that this is starting to get very meta regarding things we don't see and would have to assume, so I'm going to leave it there.