#oh I hurt
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thinking about malcolm always having to be the strong one after the arrest for ainsley bc she's younger and their mother was a mess of grief... even when he was dealing with his own stuff and no one even believed him about the girl in the box!!!
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I can't sleep because I am a side sleeper and a sleep hugger and literally any MICRO-MOVEMENT I make with my arm kills me
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...
I need a good few hours to calm down and stop crying before I can process this more. Because it hit hard already, but that really makes it hit.
Ok so. "Why does this sound like a goodbye?" Was fucking heartbreaking, right; we have the full-on uninterrupted eye contact, the head tilt, Dean's already open mouth twitching before the scene cuts to Cas' "I love you," like he had more to say, but Cas beats him to the punch. It's great, we love that. But for the dialogue to be sequenced that way, and to have Dean reply with, "don't do this, Cas."
I'm only just realizing how fucking insane it was. And sure, I might just be coping here, at the end of the day who fucking knows, but look at it. Think about it. Now let yourself feel it all over again.
It's Dean's death knocking on the door behind Cas, and it's Cas' death emerging behind Dean. Like this, they're directly facing their own demise—but they're too stuck on each other, in their moment, to give a damn. And then Dean doesn't say, "I love you too." He says, "don't do this."
He isn't disgusted or ashamed or put off in the slightest by Cas' confession, because if he is then why is he on the verge of tears? In what world would it make sense for him to want to cry after his best friend confessed to him, if the confession was something he did not want. He says don't do this here, don't do this to me now.
Even if, and that's the most unlikely if to ever exist, Dean did not reciprocate Cas' feelings—don't do this is still so fucking powerful. Because Dean's connected the dots, happiness [...] is in just saying it, and Cas said it, so where does that lead Dean? That's right, with Cas dead again, trying to save him again.
Don't do this. Don't die for me, don't love me only to die for me, don't love me at all, just stay with me.
Don't let me watch you die again and not even let me follow you—because, at the very least, that was a consolation. She's gonna kill you, which Dean knows that Billie knows will hurt him more than his own death, and then she's gonna kill me.
"Don't do this," was actually so fucking powerful, I don't know how it slipped past me until now...
#it's too early for this#supernatural#fucking supernatural#straight in the feels#oh i hurt#destiel#i hate this show#i love it so much#but i hate it#how can you make the confession hurt more
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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watched a friendplay mouthwashing i had only seen the demo when it first cameout so watchingthe full thing sure was an experience !
#mouthwashing#oh anya oh anya howmyheart hurts foryou#this was on a magma after we had finished the game we wer all jus drawin anya . .#sorry for not posting much i donthave my meds currently so ive been hibernating for themost part
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#comic#bloodborne#i loooove frenzy as a status effect from a lore perspective#dude something is so confusing and scary it hurts you#its a step above madness in er imo bc frenzy is a funnier word#madness is like ah yes the knowledge and such made you lose it but frenzy is like oh ur CRAAAAZAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!#next area i have to do is the forbidden woods where theres traps and men with rifles and dogs biting you wish me luck
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tango doodles
first you make up a guy and then you struggle to draw him correctly
#i need to stop drawing all the faces in 3/4 this is just silly.#gahh#anyways yes! im still on my quest to make tango look at least a little older#because every time i hear his voice the image in my head doesn't fit the sound at all.#dude has a raspy voice that doesn't exactly fit a little guy. if i could id draw him with more realistic proportions but i cant.#because um. reasons.#i can't just give up on my creachur cmon now...#ive noticed recently i tweaked a lot of my designs to be less cartoony. not sure if i like that actually. hm.#man i keep saying stuff like 'oh i gotta make weirder designs' but then i do the exact opposite??? huh?#i should stop trying to be normal. it's really hurting my image#GOD anyways. tags under the post yes.#tangotek#my art#sketch
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you guys know butch =/= taking T right? you guys know dyke masculinity is not correlated to being transmasc right? you guys know that even your silly jokes where you flatten butchness to taking T/being transmasc is extremely transmisogynistic right?
#ok to rb#rolling my fucking eyes that every 3 weeks at LEAST someone has to fucking say something like this#cause it's all “oh we love transfem dykes we love transfem butches” but then some fucking bitch comes out of the woodwork going#“haha butch is when on T” and all the TME dykes clap incessantly and hoot and holler while Actively showing that they are not safe for#any trans woman who is not Hyper Feminine 🙃#a d no im not gonna be nice about this. you guys know better. do better. seriously. why is the joke funny?? think for 2 seconds??#and im feeling really bitchy about it as someone who loves transfem butches so much that it hurts and i dont understand how you guys can sit#here flaming over the most Obvious Expressions of transmisogyny while REFUSING to unpack the fact that YOU ARE PERPETUATING THE SAME#TRANSMISOGYNISTIC RHETORIC IN YOUR “NOT THAT SERIOUS” “”“JOKES”“”#and the fact that a bunch of ppl who engage in this shit will inevitably interact with this post and lat themselves#and not even fucking examine ur behaviors. if u arent a trans woman reading this frankly you NEED to examine ur behaviors. idfc how many#trans girls youve fucked or dated or sexted or are friends with. put ur personal stats and ego to the side and DO BETTER#celebrity bun
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do you finally see me?
#LOTUS ALIEN STAGE ART FINALLY WHO CHEERED ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️#i cried so hard coloring this im never doing cool colors again this hurt me more than round 6#i listened to cure and i want you on like a six hour loop while drawing this i fear i'm not ok#oh also i have no idea what till's supposed to look like bc i couldn't be bothered to pull up a ref so if that doesn't look like him my b#all i know is his hair is gray and that's about it 💀💀💀💀💀#anyway mmm doomed by the narrative unrequited yaoi you KNOW i'm devouring that up#so glad they're reunited in heaven finally ♥️#luka next!! (i want his ass DEAD.)#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#alnst till#ivantill#round 6#vivinos#lotus draws
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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Scary Sunset.
I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.
#mlp#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#twiset#the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art#deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement#but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way#when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too#fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory#and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her#anyways toxic yuri yayyy#my art#the grand galloping 20s#character design#i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days#i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate#is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey
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you think YOU had a bad day at work?
bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera
#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank#he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated#but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING#drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern#po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog#ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both#also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited#anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a#long post#sidney crosby#evgeni malkin#pittsburgh penguins#also!!! to all who celebrate#ramadan kareem/eid mubarak#<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good
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Based on hollow mind by @crows-murder
Thanks for the inspiration and a lot of pain)
Here is a version without a shield (it doesn't make sense but I just like it. You can see the fear in Leo's eyes much clearer>:3)
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Aaand the original sketch (which I also like so I'm showing it to you)
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#tw blood#tw guns#oh no the government found them!#my art#art#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt donnie#rise donnie#disaster twins#rise disaster twins#i'm really proud of this one#it took me two days and it was totally worth it#third time trying to figure out backgrounds woohoo#i was feeling like reading hurt/comfort fics that evening#and found this perfection#i took some artistic liberties here and there#cause i didn't have the text with me at the moment so i was drawing based purely on feelings#so many inaccuracies lol
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First night with the gang:
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Post Dressrosa:
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Laid out like a damn starfish. Snoring, unguarded, unbothered. Patched up and completely safe, with friends 💛
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#have some comfort after all that hurt#well deserved rest#one piece#lovely to see#trafalgar law live reaction#Oh! side note:#he's tiny in the second screenshot so it's hard to see but I really like Usopp without headgear on#that hair is too cool to cover up
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i don't normally participate in these redraw challenges but it's megumi so i'll make an exception
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk megumi#megumi#looks at clock UHHHHHHHH oops#i got lost in the sauce that is rendering his gd chin and under his lips.... ive been in stylized anime mouth land 2 long i fear#i had forgotten how much of a pain those shadows are :'>>> eSP at a lookdown angle#fought a bit but little did he know i spent years doing coloured pencil portraits. this is My domain#god but the rest of the skin render was so FUN i love . warm grey in2 brown in2 red/orange fr the deep underneck shadow#lip tint heavy blush freckles glossier model fushiguro megumi...........im a believer i fear#had a bit of a hard time finding a middle ground between how i normally draw his hair and a more Realistic take on it#the model in the og has hair that's pretty close but i think the strands r a bit short n too heavily curved fr my tastes#its my brand im afraid i simply must give itfs both longer hair#nothing else feels Right#but god i underestimated how Good this photoshoot is as megu material . i get the hype now i get it#i did the sketch n i looked at it and i had an oh /oh/ moment#smh megumi put those lustrous emerald orbs away before u hurt some1#his gaze is too powerful . slaps a red bg on him makes him my new icon :)#anyway its 6am it is morning time do i sleep fr like 3 hrs or do i say megumi voice Whatever we shall see
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hey have you guys heard of that movie. yeah the obliterating masterpiece on trans identity
#i know i’m frequently dramatic but i’m being so serious when i say you have to see this movie. oh my god#as these reviews hopefully imply it will hurt. it is a viscerally hurtful movie#i’ve never been so desperate for a happy ending to a story. i wanted a happy ending for the protagonist so much it hurt#just a remarkable story about transness and identity and fear and longing and isolation#god i’m going insane#i saw the tv glow#jane schoenbrun#orating!
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