#officially my last month here i think…idk what to do i’m gonna miss it

[rattkachuk]

lil homage to alberta flora and fauna and drai, who also wholeheartedly belongs in this province 🫶

[honeytae]

I can’t wait to create more memories with you.

hi my loves! so this is a super fluffy little piece about jungkook and his s/o moving in together - it starts out on moving day and there’s a little flashback to when the topic of moving in together was first brought up :) it’s overall just really cute idk i hope you guys like it <3

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy

genre: fluff

word count: 2.8k

Slowly turning the handle to enter your apartment, you tried your best to mentally prepare yourself for what you would inevitably see. That didn’t seem to work, though, since it felt like an absolute sucker-punch to the gut. 

The space looked brand new; a completely blank canvas for its next tenants.

Walking into the empty apartment you used to call your own now felt heavy instead of homey. The path to your bedroom felt routine, but slightly shaken with the absence of all your things. Photos of your family no longer occupied the walls, that little throw rug you’d picked out for the summer had been cleaned off the floor, and the various vases of flowers your boyfriend surprised you with were no longer kept front and center on the table against the wall. 

And even though those items were still in existence, even though everything was still intact and far from gone, it still made your heart clench a bit in your chest that they would no longer be here.

Rounding the corner to enter your bedroom, you leaned your shoulder against the door frame for a moment, admiring the pristine openness of your room in its empty state. You couldn’t recall it ever feeling so big.

Heaving a deep sigh, you let your legs carry your body over to the bay window, taking a seat on the ledge to peer out at the view one last time.

At the sound of Jungkook calling your name, you glanced back to the doorway of your bedroom, staring at your boyfriend as he tipped his head at your unreadable expression.

Although he’d been lifting boxes all throughout the morning and afternoon, somehow he barely looked strained. In fact, he was still annoyingly attractive. He had his grown out hair tossed back into a bun (with one of your hair ties), and he was wearing plain black shorts hidden beneath one of his many oversized t-shirts.

How he could make it all look so good, you had no idea.

“Hi.” You said, the man wordlessly approaching you with a run of his palms down his thighs, crossing the room in only a few long strides to get to your swinging legs.

“I didn’t expect to find you in here. You okay?” He asked, his brows pulled together as he took a seat beside you.

Taking a stray strand of your hair between his fingers, he pushed it back from your face, subtly analyzing the emotions written into your features with dancing pupils.

Immediately wanting to ease him, you leaned forward, pursing your lips underneath his jawline before letting your chin rest on his shoulder. 

Wrinkling your nose at the odor rising from his t-shirt, you tilted your head slightly to escape the smell, unbeknownst to Jungkook.

“You’re sweaty.” You observed, the man craning his neck to look down at you, comically raising his brows at your bluntness.

“I’ve been working!” He defended himself, making you chuckle a bit before picking your head up to smile at him.

“I know you have.” You said appreciatively, leaning forward to press your lips to his when he subtly puckered them out to you.

“Saying your goodbyes?” He offered in explanation to your presence in the apartment, having already successfully gathered every last box there was to take.

You laughed at that, nodding a bit in response.

“In a way.” You shrugged, letting your temple fall on his bicep with a sigh. Shifting your eyes down to your leg as Jungkook grabbed ahold of your thigh, you smiled as he lifted and draped it over his own thigh, drumming his pointer fingers on your muscle.

Feeling his lips purse against the top of your head, you let your eyes fall shut, the distant sound of birds outside the screened window behind you letting you zone out into a much more peaceful space than your mind had been in previously.

It was the only serene moment you’d had today. From movers bustling in and out of your apartment, your mom coming to help you label and sort all your boxes, your neighbors poking their heads in to the chaos to finally nose their way into seeing the layout of your place in comparison to theirs; it had been a lot.

“Are you gonna miss it here?” 

Peeling your eyes open at Jungkook’s sudden question, you lifted your head to properly look at him, curiosity evident in the slight widening of his eyes.

“Hm. The memories it holds, more than anything.” You answered, watching as he nodded in understanding. “I never liked the kitchen layout.” You added as an afterthought, causing the man to burst into giggles before shaking his head at you.

“I don’t think the kitchen was too bad. Although I love our kitchen.” He grinned at the emphasis he could officially put on the word, you sharing the same reaction at the phrase. Our kitchen. Our new apartment.

“I’m so excited.” You all but squealed, the man chuckling as you squeezed him tighter to you in your excitement.

“Me too.” He said, smile slightly closing his eyes as his face creased with the strength of his happiness.

“Remember how nervous you were when you first brought up moving in together?” You wondered, peeking over at the closet across the room that had started it all.

“I do.” He chuckled, making you smile as your brain took you back to the event that had taken place only a few months prior, in this very room.

“Hey.”

Looking up from the heap of clean clothes at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, you had eyed a pouty Jungkook, raising your eyebrows at his expression as his eyes briefly fixed on the clothes before focusing back on your face as he shuffled into your bedroom. 

The tone and facial expression that Jungkook greeted you with had your eyes widened slightly, examining his approaching stature, his eyes squinted at you accusingly.

“Hi.” You responded, laying Jungkook’s clean boxers on your thigh to straighten the fabric before you creased it.

“Are you hiding something from me?” He asked, causing you to tip your head in confusion as you stared back at him, bottom lip jutted out slightly. 

“Not that I know of, no.” 

Jungkook’s eyebrows raised at that, walking further into the bedroom to approach where you sat on the mattress folding a fresh load of clean clothes. 

You watched as his eyes searched the pile, sighing dejectedly before turning back toward the closet to rummage through it some more. 

“What are you up to?” You asked, Jungkook’s actions stalling only a bit when he picked up on the annoyed tone you used at his messing up of the rack of clothes in there. 

“I’m looking for my hoodie.” He explained his actions, causing you to roll your eyes behind his back. 

Jungkook seemed to have an emotional attachment to each and every one of his hoodies, even though he had hundreds to speak of. Every time you borrowed one, he tracked you down and made you give it back. 

It was never in a mean way; he only wanted his stuff returned, and you understood that. But at a certain point, it was just annoying. 

“Which one are you looking for?” 

“It’s the black one with the blue flames on the hood.” He recalled, scanning the row of clothes for the design before grunting in disapproval upon coming up empty-handed. 

Shaking your head, you sighed as you diverted your eyes back to the clothes awaiting folding. You could still hear the man rummaging through the plethora of hung items over your music, pressing your lips together in slight annoyance at the stubborn man. 

The closet in your bedroom was now a fifty-fifty split of your clothes and Jungkook’s. You couldn’t recall when he had started keeping clothes there; you suppose it just happened naturally as he spent more and more time with you. 

In fact, you were going on two years. You had picked up his habits and him some of yours, you knew all his little quirks and vice versa. Including his necessity for keeping all his precious hoodies in check. 

“Why must you fret about each and every one of your hoodies' temporary absences?” You sighed, the man mumbling an “ouch” as something fell out onto his foot. 

“Because I know someone,” he looked back to you for emphasis, “likes to steal them and then I never get them back. I swear you’re renting a storage locker for my hoodies just so I can’t find them here.” 

At his dramatics, you merely sighed again, going back to folding your t-shirt before you paused, looking up to stare at the back of his head. 

Thinking back, you could picture the black hoodie in a heap on his bedroom floor the other day, tossed aside after some activities between you two and obviously forgotten about by your boyfriend. 

“Did you check your place?” You asked, Jungkook’s actions pausing at your words before he slowly spun around to you. 

His face was plagued with guilt, cheeks full in a different kind of pout than the bratty one he’d greeted with as his sweet doe eyes came out to play. 

“Ugh, sorry.” He said, cheeks heated before he made his way over to you, landing on the mattress with his head resting on your thigh. 

You chuckled at the embarrassed pout on his face as he nestled his head into your leg, staring up at you with a ‘hmph.’

“I just can’t seem to keep track of what’s at mine or yours.” He explained, you nodding with a fond smile as you brushed hair back from his face. 

“I know. You just get so damn protective over those hoodies.” You teased, the man scrunching his nose at your cooing tone. 

“It is really difficult to keep track of what is where.” He sighed, looking up at you with a gleam in his eye that told you he was thinking something he wasn’t saying. 

“It is. What’s going on in here, baby?” You tapped your pointer finger against the crown of his head, the man smiling shyly as he grabbed your hand in his. 

“Why don’t we,” he trailed off, hoping you’d get his hint so he didn’t have to come out and actually say it. When you only stared at him in response, he sighed, shaking his head to negate what he’d been saying causing you to grab his wrist with a pout.

“Why don’t we what?” You asked, jutting your bottom lip out at the disappointed look on your boyfriends face, smoothing your thumb over the corner of his mouth to ease his frown. 

“Well, you know,” he shrugged, “since it’s so hard going back and forth between each other’s places,” he trailed off, groaning when you only smiled back at him, eyebrows raised in amusement as you waited for him to continue. 

The look on your face told him you knew. The gleam in your eye told him you knew exactly what he was trying to articulate. 

“Baby,” He groaned, realizing you were messing with him as you pulled begging eyes down at him. He removed his hand from yours, pulling it away with a pout as you chuckled at his reaction.

“What, Kook? What’s on your mind?” You continued playing dumb, wanting to drag the words you’ve been waiting so long to hear out from the man. 

“C’mon, why are you making me say it if you already know?” He whined, you giggling as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Because I want to hear it from you. And I like seeing you squirm.” You smirked, the man scoffing underneath you as he recaptured your hand in his own. 

“Baby, my sweet angel, the brightest star in the entire universe-“ 

“Jungkook!” You laughed, lightly squeezing his hand as you grinned down at him, his teeth shining up at you as he shyly blushed at the words in his brain. 

“Can we move in together?”

“Hm,” you hummed, the man’s eyes bulging as he slightly panicked beneath you, “give me some good reasons to.” You smirked again, your boyfriend gasping at your words before he took control, flipping you over to hover above your frame as you squealed at the sudden action. 

“You brat.” He leaned his forehead down to yours, effectively silencing you with a kiss to your lips, your fingers tickling at the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“For one,” he started, “you wouldn’t have to hear me complaining about my missing hoodies anymore. I can make a mean cup of tea, I’m really good at laundry, I-”

You cut the man off with a press of your lips to his, silencing him with a muffled noise as his hand squeezed at your hip. 

“You don’t have to give me any reasons.” You mumbled against his lips, feeling them curl into a small smile as he made a noise of delighted surprise. He knew you were only teasing, but he couldn’t believe you hadn’t dragged it out longer. 

“Really?” He grinned, causing you to giggle beneath him out of sheer fondness.

“Yeah, I’ll move in with you.” 

“Really, really?” He grinned, his doe eyes sparkling at you as you nodded to confirm, laughing at the man’s goofy repetition of the question you’d already answered. 

“So, we’re actually doing this? We’re moving in together?” He raised his eyebrows, face melting into a grin as you brushed his hair back from his forehead. 

“I think we’re ready, don’t you?” You smiled, the look of absolute happiness on your boyfriends face almost making you tear up as he all but hugged you to his frame. 

“I know we’re ready, baby.” He nodded, kissing you again as you both continued smiling like idiots. 

“Wait, how do we do this?” You asked, Jungkook furrowing his brows as he pondered your question.

“Huh. I don’t know.” He chuckled, you giggling along with him before sighing in thought. 

“Do we want to look for a new apartment altogether?” You wondered aloud, Jungkook bouncing his head back and forth in thought, hair moving with his head. 

“We could. Do you really want to leave here, though?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise when you shrugged in response, raising your hand to cup his cheek lovingly.

“I don’t care where I live as long as you’re with me. What about your place?” You offered, Jungkook mirroring your earlier response with a quirk of his shoulders up to his face. 

“You’re my home.” He put simply, laughing when your bottom lip jutted into a pout, pressing kisses over your face as your eyes filled with water out of pure adoration for the man. 

At the memory, you felt your eyes water again, looking up at Jungkook with a pout. Your boyfriend, wrinkling his nose at your expression, poked at your bottom lip, tutting his tongue at you.

“What happened to not caring where you lived as long as I’m with you?” He teased, squeezing your shoulder with a smile.

“I still feel that way, Kookie.” You assured him with a grin, taking his hand as he wiggled his fingers out to you.

“Good. We’re going to create so many more memories in our new home, I promise.” He said, baring his teeth to you again as he felt you squeeze your fingers around his hand.

“I know. I can’t wait to create more memories with you.” You sighed dreamily, leaning in for another chaste kiss on the man’s tempting pout. 

“So,” he leaned his forehead against yours, “are you feeling ready to leave now?” 

His words were soft, but they weren’t spoken with tentativeness. There was obvious excitement in his tone, an emotion that had you wanting to spring off your bay window and never look back. 

“Let’s go.” You smiled, coming to a stand as Jungkook remained seated, grinning at you in amusement at your sudden change in attitude about leaving this place. 

“Alright, boss.” 

With a grunt, he came to his feet, never letting go of your hand as you made your final stroll through the apartment together. 

Passing through the years’ worth of memories within the walls, you both took a silent few steps before pausing in the entryway, giving the place one last glance before meeting each others eyes with small, matching smiles.

Turning the handle to your front door for the last time, you let the latch slide closed like you had so many times before, tick-tick tacking as it came to a secure shut.

Shutting the door behind you, simultaneously opening a new one. 

[4kominato]

Part II: The Younger Brothers

Part I: The Older Brothers

A/N: GOD IDK WHY I HAD SUCH A HARD TIME WITH THIS... probably not gonna do as well as pt 1 but mehhh its fine... idk if ill be doing more Obey Me reactions in the future since i have trouble connecting with some of them but we'll see. Hope yall enjoy this though ✌🏻

DESCRIPTION: Female MC making the brothers hard for the first time. Assume MC x Demon are in a fairly new relationship. [[NSFW below]]

(Word Count: 529)

[Asmo ♡]: Where are you? Your food is getting cold

[Asmo ♡]: Hello?

[Asmo ♡]: Are you ignoring me?

[Asmo ♡]: Is everything okay?

[Asmo ♡]: You’d better be in your room, I’m checking on you once dinner is done

You awoke to the sound of your D.D.D buzzing next to your ear, messages blowing up on the bright screen and making you squint. When you saw it was your boyfriend Asmodeus, you decided to give him a quick call back to let him know you’re okay. It was finals week and just before dinner, you’d finished taking your last exam. After pulling multiple all nighters, you ended up crashing as soon as you’d gotten back to your room.

“Oh my gosh, you’re alive!” Asmo exclaimed, answering after only a few rings.

“Yeah sorry, babe, I was exhausted after my exams so I took a nap. Are you still coming to my room?”

“Mhm! Just give me a few minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

Ending the call, you placed your phone back on your nightstand before making yourself presentable, and just as he’d said, within a few minutes there was a knock at your door and when you opened it, you were met with a smiling Asmodeus.

“I packed up your dinner for you,” he said as you let him in, “I warmed it up too!”

“Thanks, babe,” you smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you took the food from him, “You’re the best!”

“Oh stop, you are,” he giggled, pressing a kiss to your lips.

The two of you became official a few weeks before finals, but with both of you so busy preparing for the semester's end, you hadn’t gotten the chance to spend much quality time together. This would be the first time you were hanging out together without having to worry about school.

“You should eat,” Asmo spoke as the two of you made yourselves comfortable on your bed, “Skipping meals isn’t good for your beautiful body.”

“But I just woke up… Let’s just cuddle for a bit first, I missed you.”

“Well, I can’t say no to cuddles. I missed you too.”

As he pulled you closer, you slung your legs over his thigh and wrapped your arms around his torso, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Wow, we’ve never cuddled like this before,” Asmo beamed as he ran his fingers through your hair, “It’s been almost a month now and our intimacy has hardly progressed!”

“We were busy, it couldn’t be helped.”

“It can be helped now,” he suggested, his lips forming into a smirk as he stared at you pleadingly.

“I… can’t disagree with that,” you replied, returning him a smirk as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

He didn’t even hesitate for a second before pressing his lips against yours, gently laying you down on the bed as he made himself comfortable between your legs, his hips flush against yours.

“Asmo…” you started, face flushed feeling his bulge pressing against you, “You’re um…”

“Excited? Can you blame me? I’ve been waiting to do this for so long! Just relax, I’ll take good care of you.”

(Word Count: 527)

It’d been a while since Beel and you had last planned a date, both of you being backed up with school work and other responsibilities. Finally though, you guys were able to find an opening in your schedules, so you decided to have a picnic together in the RAD garden.

The two of you had woken up early to prepare, knowing that cooking and packing the food would take a while, given Beel would always eat some of the food during the preparation. It took you a few hours, but finally, you were able to finish making the food and packing everything, so the two of you headed off to the RAD garden to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

“Here, Beel,” you offered, holding a rice ball up to his mouth to feed him, cupping your hand beneath it to catch any droppings.

“Mm,” Beel hummed happily as he took out half of the rice in a single bite, and then quickly finished it with another. It always made you so happy to see Beel enjoying your cooking, so you continued to pick at the various dishes you’d created and feed them to him. It didn’t take long at all for the two of you to finish all the food, but you did have one more thing up your sleeve.

“Hey Beel,” you announced, a cheeky grin on your face as your hand dug through your purse to pull out a small tupperware, “It’s not much, but I made these last night and hid them as a surprise dessert for today.”

Carefully opening the lid, you revealed that what you’d prepared was some chocolate covered strawberries. You were about to grab one and feed it to him, but somehow, he managed to beat you at snatching the fruit and to your surprise, he held it up to you to eat first. Despite your shock, you couldn’t turn down his offer so you took your first bite into the strawberry, some of the chocolate breaking off and falling into Beel’s free hand.

“Mm, sorry,” you replied bashfully, before licking up the remaining chocolate bits from his hand. When you looked back up, you could see the bright pink tint brushed over Beel’s cheeks, a rather flustered expression on his face. While you were initially puzzled by his strange reaction, it didn’t take long for you to at least get an idea of what may have caused it. Focusing back on the strawberry, you took another bite to finish what was left of the fruit, but this time, you let your lips linger on his fingers for a bit longer than you normally would… and you were right.

You didn’t think it was possible, but his cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of red as you finally withdrew from him, a cheeky grin forming on your lips.

“Um…” Beel started, breaking eye contact as he rubbed the back of his neck, “You always feed me… so I wanted to try feeding you… I think I like it more than expected.”

“Hm, I see,” you teased, noticing the tent in his pants, “Wanna feed me more then?”

(Word Count: 524)

It was just a normal day for you at RAD; your classes had just finished and you were on your way back to your room… that is, until you were startled by the sound of your D.D.D ringing loudly in the hall. It was Belphegor.

“Hello?”

“Hi… are your classes done?”

“Yeah.”

“Come to my room then.”

“Why?”

“Just come...”

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

“Great. See you soon.”

Stopping in your tracks, you made a 180 and started making your way to Belphegor's room instead. It didn’t take long to get there, and upon your arrival you knocked firmly on the door. You were greeted almost immediately, followed by Belphegor pulling you into the room and pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“I missed you,” he giggled as he led you to his bed, “Come take a nap with me.”

Lifting the covers, he gestured for you to climb into the bed first, and then he joined shortly after.

“I love napping with you,” he smiled as he took your hand in his own and scooted closer to you.

“I love it too, Belphie… but you should really give me more notice when you wanna nap together, you always tell me so last minute.”

“But that’s so much work… Besides, I don’t choose when I feel like napping with you, it just happens.”

“Alright, fine…” you caved, given that he did have a valid point.

Snuggling up against his side, your hand rested comfortably on his stomach as you let your legs entwine with his. He hummed in contentment at the intimacy, his body relaxing as he prepared for his nice, soothing nap.

Unfortunately, he was only able to sleep for a short while before being suddenly awakened by you stirring in his hold. As you shifted around on the bed, your legs began to rub against his thighs, occasionally riding up higher and approaching his crotch. He tried to close his eyes again and ignore it, but there was no way he could simply stop feeling what you were doing to him… even if it was unintentional.

“Are you okay?” you asked groggily, feeling that his body had become abnormally tense.

“Mhm,” he hummed quietly as he took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down before you could discover what was really going on.

Unlucky for him, as you squirmed around even more, trying to make yourself comfortable, your leg slipped just a little too high and brushed over his bulge, eliciting a soft moan from him.

“Oops, sorry,” you giggled at the realization, “Didn’t realize you were all… excited.”

“Well if it weren’t for you feeling me up in your sleep…” he grumbled, a tinge of pink forming on his pale cheeks as he turned his head away from you.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” you argued, cupping his face in your hand and forcing him to look back at you, “I’ll tell you what, since I caused this ‘problem,’ would you forgive me if I took care of it for you?”

“Hmm… sounds like a fair trade,” he grinned, knowing exactly what you meant.

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it - j. farabee

chapter 8

a/n: idk why this chapter took so long, but here it is. it’s very domestic and wholesome, so enjoy it. honestly i’m sad we’re so close to the series ending, but there will be more y/n and joel from the sticking it au i promise. and as always, lmk what you all think

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior @itsurgirlgracie @heartshapedkissxs @lwstuff

warnings: more high school musical references, a sprinkle of angst, friends fighting, idk if it counts as an innuendo or suggestive content, but some of that (not a warning, but Adrian content and ‘no thoughts, head empty’ Joel)

sticking it masterlist

wc: 6.1k

  “All I’m saying is that it doesn’t make sense that she’s the only one standing, singing to Troy about scoring a basket. Like what if someone showed up to the game late and didn’t get the memo to twist the signs around and stay seated, you know? And it’s not just Gabriella standing up,” you said, grabbing multiple outfits to choose from for the movie night that you had been invited to. 

“Well, I don’t think that it was really an ‘ok, everybody. One person is going to be staying up, but everybody else stay seated and lift your sign’ sorta thing. I feel like it was just a heat of the moment thing,” Joel replied as he walked out of the bathroom. 

“Yeah, but it still doesn’t make sense. And I’m curious to know if that mid-game duet actually motivated Troy or if he was just annoyed or something.”

“If you sang to me mid-game, I would honestly probably throw a stick at you. Out of love, obviously.” 

“That’s sweet of you, not really, but I’ll take it,” you said, turning towards Joel, “I don’t know what to wear to movie night.”

“It’s not really like you have to try to impress anyone, it’s just movie night,” Joel said, as he scrolled on his phone, “but you look hot in anything, so I’m chilling.”

“You’re definitely just saying that,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right. You in the mornings is kinda concerning, not your best look,” he said, pointedly.

“That was not an opportunity for you to say something like that, I will throw a chair at you.” 

“That’s concerning, but well deserved. I’m sure it would be out of the kindness of your heart, so I respect it.”

“You better respect it, Farabee.”

“Oooh, the last name. I’m shaking in my boots,” he said to which you immediately shot a glare his way, “actually, you’re very hot when you’re mad, not gonna lie.”

“Better watch yourself, Beezer, you’re on thin ice,” you said, jokingly.

“Good thing I know how to skate, babe,” he retorted, making his way towards you. 

“You’re annoying,” you huffed as Joel wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug, “Bee, you better stop.” He lightly pecked the top of your head before stepping back, “wait, what was that?”

“What? The hug or me kissing the top of your head?”

“Both?”

“It’s called a display of affection. I know you aren’t familiar since you show your love by threatening to throw chairs at the people you care about, but that’s what that was.” 

“Oh, it was nice,” you said, which caused Joel to chuckle.

“God, I love you,” he paused for a moment, clearly contemplating something, “this is kinda random, but have you ever thought about posting about our relationship? Or is that a no in the gymnastics world?”

“I mean, yeah, I have thought about it. I just haven’t because I didn’t know how you felt, but if you want to post it you can.”

“Why don’t you post it first?”

“Why don’t you? You brought it up?” you questioned. 

“You confuse me so much sometimes and I’m usually confused, so it makes it kinda worse,” he said honestly.

“How about whenever we get back here tonight, we post at the same time?” you offered.

“Sounds okay with me. Come on, we have to go if we want to make it on time,” he said, softly. 

…..

“Hey, it’s Short Stack and Beezer,” Travis said, as he opened his front door.

“I still don’t know why you of all people call me Short Stack, Tiki Bar,” you said to which he simply shrugged before opening the door more to let the two of you in. 

“Ooh, Short Stack, Karly has something for you. I think she went upstairs,” you sent a confused look to Travis, “it’s nothing bad, just go.” You rolled your eyes as you made your way up the steps.

“Karly?” you called as you walked closer to her and Travis’ room.

“I’m in here,” she called. As you walked into her room, you quickly noticed her shuffling through the things in her closet, pulling out a box that had clearly been wrapped in a hurry. 

“What’s that?”

“Just open it, I hope you like it,” she rushed. 

“Um, alright,” you tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box to reveal what looked like a regular denim jacket, “a denim jacket?” you said, earning an eye roll from her. 

“Take it out of the box, Sunshine.” You picked up the corners of the jacket to see that there were multiple patches with the flyers logo and bees on the sleeves, turning it around to see a number 86 and Farabee on the back.

“Karly, wha-”

“Look, I know you and him haven’t announced it officially yet or anything like that, but I figured that you would like it. I even got the bees on there for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t be upset if you didn’t wear it out, but you needed one,” she said, gently.

“I- Wow, I love it, Karly. Thank you,” you said, giving her a quick hug. 

“You should wear it downstairs or at least show him at some point.”

“Oh no, I was just going to keep it in a bag in my closet for a while until he inevitably finds it,” you said, sarcastically.

“No need for the sass, Sunshine. You should try it on though, I want to see what it looks like,” she suggested, her smile only growing as she saw that it looked amazing on you, “oh yes, the bee patches really add to it. Definitely a great choice on my part.”

“Always the humble one. Come on, we have to start the movies eventually.”

“Wait, you’re wearing it downstairs?” she asked, to which you simply nodded as you walked ahead of her down the stairs. 

Travis was the first to notice your arrival downstairs as he talked to Joel, smiling as he saw that you were wearing the jacket that his girlfriend had stressed over for days, “hey, y/n, I’m really liking this new look.”

“Hey man,” Joel started as he had his back turned towards you, quickly turning around after hearing that you arrived downstairs, “watch yours-” He immediately recognized that similar jacket that many of his teammates significant other wore to games, a perfect sign showing off their boyfriend or husband. “Wait, hold up.”

“Yes,” you answered, already knowing what he was going to ask.

“Swag,” he answered simply as he walked closer to you to examine the jacket. “Are those bees? Why are there bees?”

“Hmm, no idea. They’re just randomly there,” you retorted. 

“Beezer, did you get knocked in the head at practice or something? I’m very concerned, dude,” Nicole asked from beside Nolan. 

“Why are there bees? I don’t understand,” he asked, frantically.

“He’s hopeless,” Nolan whispered to Nicole.

“Bee, did you forget your own name?” you asked.

“Bee,” he paused, “ohhhh, that’s me. Those are for me, wait, turn around,” you rolled your eyes as you turned around to see the back of the jacket, “oh, that’s my name.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” Kevin said, concerned from the whole exchange. 

“He’s just having one of his moments. Be nice, Kev,” you said, holding back a laugh as you turned back towards your boyfriend who looked like there was something wrong, “Bee, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just- you got my name on a jacket. You usually aren’t this nice, but this is something nice, so I’m just worried something is wrong with you,” he said, genuinely. 

You visibly gaped as the guys around you howled in laughter as Karly spoke up, “technically, I got her the jacket, she’s just wearing it.”

“Ohhh, okay, that makes more sense.”

“Damn, y/n/n, how badly do you treat the poor kid?” Scott asked from the couch.

“Better watch yourself, Scotty,” you said, shooting him a glare. 

“Let’s just get the movie started before Short Stack attacks someone,” Travis added. 

Drawing names to see who would pick the movie, Nicole picked out the movie, Stick It, which had always been one of her favorites. It was expected for people to be getting up during the movie, but when you noticed Nicole missing from seeing her favorite movie, you became worried that something had happened, “psst, did you see where Nicole went?” you whispered over to Joel. 

“No, did you see where Nolan went?” he asked you, which caused you to grow suspicious as you noticed both of them were gone. “Maybe they’re just making out in the kitchen or something?”

“Why would they be making out? They’re just friends.”

“Dude, they’re still friends in the same way you and me are still friends.”

“No, because if something were going on she would tell me and I think it would be obvious.” 

“Look, I know I’m oblivious, but you choose to ignore a lot of obvious details just because.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Fine, if we get up and find them together or doing something romantic? I don’t know, but either way, you have to post that we’re together first, but I choose the caption.”

“Is that a bet?”

“Yes,” to which the two of you shook on it. 

“Hey guys, how many of you think there’s something going on with Nolan and Nicole?” Joel asked the group. 

“Oh, yeah, I’ve noticed for months, they just haven’t done anything about it out of fear of what y/n will think,” Karly said like it was some simple statement. 

“What do you mean that they fear what I would think?” you asked, causing everyone to look at you. 

“Short Stack, you are literally this little spitfire that could attack at any moment, they just don’t want to upset you,” Travis added just as the pair walked back into the living room, “ah, here’s the two lovebirds now.” 

A flash of panic crossed Nicole’s face as Nolan blushed, “no, I just needed help getting drinks and Nolan was right there.”

“Okay, then where are the drinks and why does Nolan have a hickey?” Scott pointed out. 

“I forget them in the kitchen and Nolan burnt himself with a curling iron,” she offered. 

“Karly, did you leave your curling iron in the kitchen again? Silly goose,” Travis said. 

Joel quickly noticed how quiet you were from beside him, “hey, babe. What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay, I’m going to go and get a drink really quick,” you said, softly smiling before heading into the kitchen. Everyone’s eyes followed you as you retreated back to the kitchen, Nicole sighed, the guilt of not telling you finally hitting her. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nolan offered.

“No, this is definitely between the two of us,” she answered before following you, “y/n/n, look-”

“Nicole, it’s fine,” you said, filling a cup with ice. 

“It’s obviously not, I know you better than that,” she said, gently, waiting for a response from you, “look, this honestly hasn’t gone to anything serious yet because I knew I needed to tell you. I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you and that you would have been fine with it, we just didn’t want anyone to know. No one really knew, Karly just picked up on it because she’s Karly and everyone else figured it out. And I know you knew something was going on, you just didn’t want to accept it.”

“I don’t have an issue with it, I would have rather you just tell me straight up what’s happening, but I had to find out because Joel made a joke and you couldn’t give Nolan a hickey where it wasn’t visible,” you said honestly, filling your cup with water. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to offer, there wasn’t really another reason other than we didn’t know how you would react,” she said, leaning back on the kitchen counter as you stared at the cup in your hand, “y/n/n, please say something. I’ll break it off if-”

“I would never make you break things off with him and you know that. How long has this been going on?” 

“Uh, we’ve liked each other for a while, but didn’t do anything about it until you had to go back on crutches, so maybe a few weeks.”

“Gotcha, gotcha.”

“Are you mad at us? It was my idea, Nolan said we should just tell you, but-”

“Nic, please. I’m not mad, I knew something was up, I was just more focused on other things. Does he make you happy?” you asked, looking back up at her, smiling at the small blush that had rushed up to her face. 

“Yeah, he really does.” 

“Then, I’m chilling. Come on, you already missed half of your favorite movie making out with Nols,” she laughed as the two of you made your way back. 

“You good, y/n/n?” Kevin asked as you sat by Joel again, who wrapped his arms around your shoulder. 

“Maybe you should ask Nicole, just to make sure y/n/n didn’t attack her,” Scott added. 

“Eh, I’ve known her for years, I have a few strategies,” Nicole said, simply. 

“Oh, shut up, Nicky,” you said, jokingly rolling your eyes. 

“I know damn well that you did not just say Nicky,” she said, shocked. 

“Oh, did I?”

“You want to take this outside, babe.”

“Hmm, maybe tomorrow.” 

“I’m concerned, but this is entertaining,” Travis said, to which everyone else agreed.  

“I’ll record it and post it on world-star,” Joel added. 

“Thanks, babe. Oh and Patty Lapone, if you hurt her, I will bust your kneecaps,” you said, faking sweetness.

“Understandably, so,” Nolan said, honestly. 

“Glad we’re on the same page. And Nicky, don’t hurt him either.” 

“Noted,” Nicole said.

“Hey babe, you know you have to post us first now, right?” Joel said, smirk growing on his face, “and I get to choose the caption.”

“You’re letting him choose the caption?” Karly asked, “good luck, Sunshine.”

…..

“So, do you know what picture you’re going to post? I have mine picked out,” Joel asked you as you finished your night routine. 

“I’m still upset that you won that bet, but probably the picture of us that’s my wallpaper,” you said, patting your face dry. 

“What picture?” Joel asked, confused as to what you meant. 

“Oh, Karly took a bunch of pictures the day we were at the lake and the one that’s my wallpaper is the one where you’re about to throw me in the water and I’m laughing at you. Or I might post one of the pictures Nicole took of us where I’m wearing your jersey,” you explained. 

“Ok, one, why haven’t I seen these and two, why didn’t you send me them?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, you never asked.”

“I never knew.” 

“Same thing?” you offered before walking out of the bathroom to sit on your bed as Joel grabbed his bag to start packing for the next day.

“Ok, well get the post ready and I’ll caption it,” Joel said, holding his hand out. 

“Please keep it reasonable, I am an example to tiny humans.”

“Kids?”

“Same thing,” you said, handing your phone over to him, already open to instagram. 

Joel had been thinking about what he would caption this post for the rest of the day after you had talked about going public. Quickly typing up the caption and tagging himself, he posted it, “okay, all done.”

“It didn’t take you that long?”

“Yeah, I know. I kinda figured it out earlier,” he said, shrugging and handing you back your phone. As you saw the notifications for the post, you opened it to see the picture of you two captioned ‘the bee to my honey’. 

“That is so incredibly cheesy and adorable,” you said, smiling at your phone, “Karly already commented upset that you didn’t give her photo credit though, but she said the caption wasn’t terrible.”

“Yeah, I’m so good with words, babe. We’ve established this.”

“You’re truly something. Wait, are you captioning yours ‘the honey to my bee’ because that way it’s just in reverse?”

“Yeah, we’re just that cool,” Joel said, handing you his packing list, “will you go over this with me to make sure I have everything?”

“Superstitious King, ok, um, your garment bag with your suit?” you continued down the list as you heard him respond to everything you said, “Glasses? Glasses? Why do you have glasses on this list?”

“Because I need them to see?” he said, confused by your question. 

“Since when have you worn glasses?”

“A while actually, I just don’t wear them all that often,” he shrugged. 

“Wait, what do they look like on you?” you asked, watching as he contemplated showing you before reaching in his bag and grabbing his glasses case. 

“If you make any jokes, I will never wear them around you again,” he said before putting them on. “Ok, one joke, and that’s all.” He was shocked by how quiet you were, “y/n/n, please just make the joke already while I’m prepared for it.”

“Oh no, I actually don’t have a joke this time. You look really good in glasses.” 

“Oh, a compliment?”

“Ha ha, yeah, I can be nice sometimes. But no, you genuinely look hot in those, you look hot in general, but like, now especially,” you continued rambling. 

“Awe, you’re being nice and I made you nervous,” he cooed. 

“You don’t make me nervous, Farabee,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

“Oh, I don’t? Okay,” he took steps closer to you standing in front of you and placing his arms on either side of you, smirking as he heard your breath hitch, “you sure I don’t make you nervous?”

“Y-you don’t,” you replied, watching his actions closely as he leaned his face closer to yours, placing his hand on your thigh before leaning beside your ear. 

“Okay, then,” he whispered before standing back up to finish packing, a smirk lacing his features. 

“That was rude,” you pouted, to which he simply shrugged. “Yeah, that’s not going to work, babe. Karma is a real thing,” you said, watching as he furrowed his brows.

“What do you mean?” 

“Karma,” you said, before just grabbing a longer shirt of his for pajamas and heading to the bathroom to change. Coming back minutes later to see Joel in bed, leaning against the headboard, already looking your way. 

“y/n,” he said, cautiously, “please say there’s something underneath my shirt.”

“I don’t know, Bee, is there?” you asked, pulling the comforter back on your bed as you laid down for bed. 

“I don’t like this game, it’s not that fun,” he said, moving down to lay his head on your chest, your hand instinctively going to his hair. 

“Karma is karma, pretty boy,” you said, chuckling when you felt him start to trace patterns on your thigh, obviously looking for a way to tell if you had shorts on. “You have to be up in a few hours and Kevin and Nol will barge in here tomorrow morning if you aren’t on time.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to answer my question?”

“You didn’t ask a question.”

“You’re really annoying sometimes. Are you going to answer my statement?” 

“You still love me though and I won’t answer your statement,” you said, softly, knowing that he was ready to fall asleep. “Goodnight, Bee.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

The alarm for the start of Joel’s day went off way too soon, but he knew he needed to get up. Quickly turning off his alarm to avoid waking you up, he got up to get his shower and get dressed for his day. 

After getting a text from Nolan that they would be at your door in about 5 minutes, he decided to tell you goodbye, “y/n/n, baby, it’s time for me to go.”

“You don’t have to go, tell them you can’t go,” you said, half asleep, barely even realizing what you were saying. 

“As much as I wish I could, it doesn’t work like that, babe.”

“Well have you tried to see if it would work?” he chuckled at your question. 

“I love you and I’ll see you in a few days, alright,” he kissed the top of your head before grabbing his bags and heading out to the living room to wait on Kevin and Nolan. Taking a seat on the couch as he waited, he heard the bedroom door open with footsteps following, “you should go back to sleep.”

“I have to go to PT in a few hours, so might as well be up,” you said, “plus, I kinda want to say bye to Kev and Nols.”

“You have PT at noon, it’s almost 5am. Once we leave, please try to get some sleep.” 

“Awe, Bee, you worried about me?”

“Unfortunately I’m always worried about you and you’re such a chaotic person that it’s reasonable and the concern only ever grows.”

“That’s true, I am kinda chaotic,” you said, causing him to chuckle. 

“Just a tad.”

The sound of the key turning and door opening drew yours and Joel’s attention away from each other for a moment, “sup, bitches,” Kevin’s voice rang out. 

“What the fuck, Kev?” you asked, grabbing a blanket from your couch, wrapping it around you. 

“Rise and shine, y/n/n. Hope you slept well, now we have to leave, so say bye to your boy,” Kevin added, turning back to leave again. 

“Ok, I have to get going, shawty bae. Go get some sleep, text me how PT goes, and tell Adrian I said hi. Bye, babe,” he kissed the top of your head once more before grabbing his bag and heading on his way. 

…..

“So, no lover boy today?” Adrian asked as you stepped into his office. 

“No, not today,” you said, sitting down on the bench, “him and the boys have an away game tonight, so they left this morning and will be back in a few days.” 

“So, I assume things are going well?” he asked, rolling his chair over to you. 

“Yeah, things are going very well. We posted about us being together officially on instagram last night.” 

“Oh, wow. Instagram, that’s crazy,” he said, sarcastically. 

“Hey, shush. It’s a bigger step than you think.”

“Oh, yes. The power couple that you two athletes are, hmm. Forgot about that.”

“Stop, it’s not that crazy. It just kinda is a big step in my opinion.”

“Well, I am happy for you and I’m also proud of you for actually listening to me and staying off your knee.”

“Hey, that rhymed,” you softly interrupted. 

“Ha ha, so funny. Anyways, with how it looks now, I say you’re good to start training again,” he said, taking the time to examine your knee. He could tell that you had actually listened to what he had told you, just like he hoped you had. He was excited to see you back to where you needed to be. 

“Like training training? Or just training?”

“Training training. Just be careful and don’t overwork yourself. I am aware that there isn’t much time before you have the U.S Championships, but don’t rush it. Take your time. Quality over quantity. Okay, Superstar?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” you said, excitedly, jumping off the bench to hug Adrian, “thank you.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything, this is all you. But if anyone can do this, you can. Just take care of yourself, alright? I don’t want all my work to go to waste,” he said, jokingly. 

“Wow, I see how it is. I see how it is.”

“You know I’m joking, Superstar. Don’t even.”

“Do I, Adrian? Do I know that?”

“Just leave already,” he joked, “you have a lot of work to catch up on. Good luck, y/n/n.”

Knowing that the boys were either at lunch, wrapping up morning skate, or getting settled, you shot Kevin a quick text to call you whenever he had the chance; your phone rang only a few minutes later. “Hey, is everything okay?” Kevin’s concerned voice rang through.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Adrian cleared me to train again.”

“Aye, let’s go. Alright, so you have like, what? Two weeks before you leave for the U.S. Championships?” 

“Yeah, Marcus and Michelle already figured out all my travel arrangements months ago, so no worries there. I’m just worried about the fact that I have about 12 practices, but Marcus will probably worry and have me practice less, so about 10 practices? And what if-” you rambled. 

“No, we’re not doing the ‘what if’ conversations right now. Or anytime soon for that matter. You’ll get it. And if you have to simplify it for now, then that’s how it’ll be, but you stressing out right now is not going to change the number of practices you have or how they go. Only you can be the one to determine how practices go.”

“Since when did you get all wise, Kev?”

“I read this really inspirational fortune cookie earlier, it caused me to have a whole epiphany on life. Same old, same old.”

“Alright, wasn’t expecting that one, but I’m here for it. What are you guys up to?”

“What are we up to? Or what is Beezer up to?” Kevin asked, knowingly. 

“I was honestly just asking in general, but since you brought him up-” the two of you took a little bit of time to catch up. Him filling you in on how morning skate went and how the lineups for the game were looking. He also told you how the team was looking good this morning and that if they played how they needed to, they could easily win. 

You were still on the phone with Kevin by the time you pulled into the gym parking lot, “hey, I have to talk to Marcus about training, but I’ll probably talk to you after the game. Tell Bee I’ll talk to him later too. Bye, Kev.”

“Stay safe, be careful, make wise choices. I’ll talk to you later, y/n/n.”

Walking into the gym this time was different, almost similar to your first time back after everything, but right now you had the ability to train and to work how you needed to. You just needed to get back into your element. 

Knowing that the only practice going on was for the younger kids, you made your way up to Marcus’ office. Knocking gently on the door, you opened it to see him and Michelle sitting near his desk. “So, what’s the verdict?” Marcus asked, expectantly. 

“Well, there’s two weeks until Championships and I need to get this dismount,” you said, watching as the two of their smiles only grew. As the three of you went over everything that Adrian said, the three of you planned out the next two weeks. 

“Alright, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning practices, you can spend the whole practice on beam, drills, and conditioning, but afternoon practices you need to do other events.  Then, Tuesday and Thursdays will be working on other events, and Saturdays is just a markthrough day for routines,” Michelle explained easily, which showed that they had already thought of this beforehand. 

“And we’re going to ease into it again, but this time from doubles. We both know you can easily get back to where you need to and we also believe that with how determined you seem right now, you’ll be fine. If you do okay with doubles, we’ll move onto triples as soon as we can. If anyone can do it, you can,” Marcus said, honestly. 

…..

Checking his phone after the game was over, the smile on Joel’s face quickly grew at all the encouraging texts he had gotten from you. Quickly replying, he looked up to see most of the guys sharing knowing looks, “what?”

“Nothing, we can just easily tell who texted you from the way you looked at your phone,” Nolan pointed out. 

“You don’t really hide it, so it’s kinda obvious,” Carter added. 

“Well yeah, I don’t have a reason to hide it. My girl makes me happy,” Joel said, turning to see Kevin giving him a pointed look, “okay, maybe one reason to hide it.”

“Didn’t she have a PT appointment today? Any updates?” Scott asked, walking towards the younger guys.

“Oh, yeah. She got cleared and starts training again tomorrow,” Joel answered, causing all the team to smile.

Rushing to finish getting ready, so that he could FaceTime you, he grabbed his bag and made his way to an empty hallway to talk to you. The phone rang only a few times before you picked up, “hey, baby. You did really good at your game.”

“Thank you, thank you. I was thinking of you when I scored,” he said, watching behind you to see you walking around the apartment. 

“That was really cheesy.”

“Yeah, I realized that after I said it, but it’s the thought that counts,” he retaliated, causing you to chuckle, “did you get everything figured out with your coaches to start practicing again?” 

“Babe, you just won a game and you’re worried about my PT and training schedule?” 

“Well, I don’t have an explanation, but I get hockey 24/7 for the next few days, so I kinda want to hear about your life and gymnastics,” he said, honestly, which only made you smile. 

“Yeah, we got my training schedule figured out. I start practice again in the morning, but luckily I was able to work it out to where I have a day of just beam work to mostly do the dismount and drills and then the rest of the week is for other events. But I will have to travel for this meet, which I haven’t had to do in a while.”

“Oh, it’s in Texas? Right?” he asked, causing you to hum in agreement, “and how long before you leave?”

“Well, I leave the Wednesday night before, podium training on Thursday, and then, competition Friday and Sunday. And then I’ll be back Monday.”

“Ah, so I get to know how you feel when I’m on the road.”

“Yep, and you’ll know much it sucks,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

You were happy that Joel was happy and playing the sport that he loved, but him being on the road often threw off the routine that the two of you had with each other. Waking up next to each other; either making or getting breakfast; him driving you to practice before going to his; jamming out to music as the two of you prepared for your day; the list goes on. 

“Awe, you just miss me so much. It’s understandable really.”

“Don’t get cocky, Farabee,” you said. 

“It’s okay to admit that you-”

“Bee, I will hang up on you,” you threatened.

“Babe, you would miss me too much,” he said, making you roll your eyes once again. 

“Bye, Beezer,” you said, hitting the end call button. 

He simply smiled at the action, knowing well enough that if he called back you would decline and that you were too stubborn to call him back. Quickly sending you a goodnight text, he made his way back to the locker room, not missing all the chirps the boys had to say in response. 

…..

You spent the Monday and Wednesday of that week working on drills to be able to do the dismount. With the boys still gone until Friday, you spent your practices wisely and used any extra time that you could at the gym. Your routines were getting back to where they needed to be and you couldn’t have been happier. The drills that you were doing to work your dismount were also working out very well. 

“I want you to try a few triple dismounts. Just a triple and by tomorrow I want you to go for the 3.5 twist. The drills you’re doing aren’t really doing anything at this point, you’ve basically mastered them. So, I do believe if you really work towards it, you could get the quad twist by Olympic Trials, you will compete a 3.5 for U.S. Championships, but with the way practices are going I firmly believe the quad is only a few tries away from you,” Marcus told you as you did your beam warm up.

“Marcus, I-”

“You’re doing the dismount,” Michelle added as she passed by. 

“Just go for a triple, that’s all I want to see today. Once you do one, you’ll get back in the groove of things and you’ll be able to do more than one today. You got this, y/n/n, I know you can, you just have to get past the mental block.”

You knew he was right. As you thought about the skill, you knew it was basically a step away from you. If you went for it, with the way the drills are looking, you would have it. And from there, it’s just the 3.5 and then more work towards the quad. You knew you had the skills, you just had to remind your body of that fact. 

Taking a deep breath, you started your beam routine. Hitting all the skills that you had, you made your way back and forth on the beam until you got the the start of your dismount. “C’mon, y/n, you got it. Just breathe,” you heard Marcus as you took another breath before starting the dismount. Going for the roundoff, you started for the twisting part of the dismount, watching and twisting three times, you opened up, shocked when you landed the dismount. 

“Twinkle Toes,” Marcus beamed, “you did it.”

“Huh?” you said, realizing what you did, “wait. I did it.”

“You did the triple. I knew you could. I need you to do a few more, just to create the habit. Land at least five and then switch to bars.” 

“Alright, yeah,” you answered, quickly realizing that you were one step closer to your goal. Doing the next five took a little bit of time, but you were getting used to the landing and the skill itself. After finishing, you moved onto bars. 

“Did I see a triple dismount?” Nicole asked as you walked over to the chalk box.

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t,” you said, shrugging. 

“Does that mean you’re trying the 3.5 again soon?”

“Most likely tomorrow. You will be seeing it soon, I promise.”

…..

When Joel noticed that he got home early enough to come surprise you at practice, he jumped at the chance. Quickly dragging Nolan and Kevin with him - considering they were his ride - he asked them to head to the gym. Once they entered, they got settled in the overhead seating area, he quickly found you standing with Marcus near the beam. 

“C’mon, Twinkle Toes, in order to get the dismount back, you have to get on the beam,” he heard Marcus say. 

“Look, trust the process. I’m mentally preparing for it before I go for it.”

“Are you actually going to get on the beam at some point today? Or will you still be mentally preparing by the end of practice?” 

“Shush, it won’t take me that long, I promise,” Marcus sighed. 

“Just get on the beam, that’s all I need.”

“Alright,” you got onto the beam, walking towards the end as you prepared for the dismount. 

“Ok, just keep the same habits, just twist faster and open up a little bit later, you got it,” Marcus reassured you. Taking a deep breath, you prepped for the dismount. “C’mon, Twinkle Toes.”

Joel and the boys watched closely as you went through your habit of mentally visualizing first, watching you go for the round off and start twisting. “Wait, she’s going for the 3.5,” Kevin said. The three of them all held a breath as they watched you go for the dismount, letting out the breath when you landed it. 

You landed it. “Wait, I did it. Marcus, I did it.”

“I told you so, your boys are watching by the way,” Marcus said, causing you to look up to see the boys smiling to which you simply waved, “I need you to do some more of those either today or tomorrow, but you can go see your boy.”

Rushing over to the stairs to go see Joel, he met you at the bottom of the staircase, “hey, honey.”

“Hey, Bee.”

“You did the dismount,” he said, smiling. 

“I did the dismount,” you reiterated, matching his smile as he picked you up and spun you around.

“I’m so proud of you, you have no idea,” he said as his lips met yours. 

[atlafan]

Bar Crossed Lovers - One Shot

a/n: i truthfully couldn’t think of a better name, so please enjoy the bad pun. idk wtf this is, but it’s friends to lovers with a little bit of angst, and of course smut. hope you enjoy! 4.8k

He wasn’t sure how it happened. The two of you were the last ones at the party, and he had offered to help clean up. It was genuine, a friend helping another friend tidy up after a night of drinking with others. How he ended up in your bed, inside of you for hours, well, that was trickier to understand. You weren’t sure how it happened either, but you weren’t complaining. It had been a while, and he was there. He didn’t stay the night. There was no confession of love or feelings, it was just sex.

Neither of you talked about it. You both just figured it was a drunken mistake, or maybe it wasn’t a mistake. You both clearly needed it, but it wasn’t something to make a big deal out of. It was when you both worked next that it got a little awkward. You both were in early for set up.

See, you and your friends all worked at a bar. Some of you were in grad school, and some of you were just working there until you figured out what it was you really wanted to do with your life. It was good and easy money. It’s how you met Harry in the first place. He was already behind the bar when you clocked in. He was polishing the glasses that were fresh out of the dishwasher.

“Hey.” You say, as you pull out the cutting board and limes.

“Hi.” He sets a glass down and looks at you. “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?” You say, without looking at him.

“Good.”

You nod your head and hear him scoff. You put your knife down and look at him. He was still looking at you, arms crossed.

“This doesn’t need to be so weird.” He says.

“I agree.”

“So why are you acting like this?”

“Because I don’t really know what to say to you. How do we continue as normal? Do we let our friends know what happened?”

‘I don’t see how it’s any of their business, Y/N.”

“They’re gonna know something’s up, Harry.” You point to the splotch on your neck and his face flushes.

“It’s been a few days…”

“You didn’t exactly do it gently.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t tell you to stop.” You blush and turn back to your limes as he continues with the glasses.

“We were drunk and we did what a lot of people do when their drunk.” He shrugs.

“I figured that’s why you stayed back, because you wanted to hook up.”

“Well, I genuinely felt bad that our friends didn’t throw any of their garbage away, so I wanted to help.”

“You’ve always been nice.” You chuckle. “Maybe too nice.” You shake your head at the memory of that night. You feel a slight surge go through you, but you try to shake that away as well.

“You weren’t exactly complaining the other night, babe.” He grins and you swat your rag at him. “Gotta be able to joke about it.”

“It is sort of funny, been friends for a while and all of a sudden we just hook up.”

“I don’t blame you, I am pretty irresistible.”

“Harry.” You sigh.

“Okay, okay, sorry. Just lightening the mood, that’s all. Look, it doesn’t need to be a big deal. It was a nice hook up.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“But that’s all it was, right?”

“Right.” You put all of the limes into the container and grab a few lemons. “I don’t like you as anything more than a friend.”

“Same here.”

“But…I wouldn’t hate if it happened again.” Your cheeks had to be beat red at this point.

“Neither would I.”

“Really?” You look at him.

“Sure.” He shrugs and lifts another rack of glasses to the counter. “No strings attached sex? I’m game.”

“I just don’t want our friendship to get fucked up, that’s all.”

“I agree. We should make it clear if we’re hanging out to hook up or not, and if it gets deeper for someone, then it should stop.”

“Right, because I’m just dying to be in a relationship with you.” You say sarcastically.

“Aren’t most people?”

“Jesus.” You nudge him and he chuckles. “We would also need to stop if one of us meets someone else. We would need to be upfront about it.”

“What about other hook ups?”

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Like on Tinder or something?”

“I don’t need to know about that, just…make sure you wrap it up.”

“Deal.” He grins.

//

After that, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You often found yourself getting distracted at work, and so did Harry. Almost every night you worked together you’d end up having a quickie in one of your cars. Your friends eventually found out too. It wasn’t hard to figure out since you both got caught in the bathroom at one of their places one night. You all had a good laugh about it and just explained it was nothing more than hooking up. Everyone was pretty cool with it.

You had just finished hooking up at his place when you were getting your clothes back on.

“You know, you don’t have to slip out just yet.” He says as he pulls his boxers back on. “We were watching a movie.”

“Yeah, for like five seconds.” You laugh. “I need to get going, though.” You slip your shirt on and lean across the bed to give him kiss on the cheek. “I have a paper I need to work on, you know how it is.”

“I do, you came here to distress.” He smirks.

“And I did.” You give him one last kiss before grabbing your keys. “See you at work tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

Harry makes his bed back up and throws a load of laundry in the washer. His phone pings with a few messages from Tinder, but he’s found himself checking and responding less and less. He was having great sex with you, why go out and get it somewhere else? After finishing up some homework of his own, he texts you.

Harry: how’s the paper going?

You: almost done!

Harry: let me know if you want a reward ;)

You: miss me already? Lol

Harry: just parts of you

You: very funny

Harry: ;p

You: if I say yes will you go down on me?

Harry: I’m on my way

//

Having sex with Harry was great, but it was starting to take up a lot of your free time. He was the one that would text you for the booty call more often than you would, which surprised you. You didn’t question it because it was nice to feel wanted. Every time he kisses the back of your shoulder as he drilled into you, or as he had you bent of the bed, or even when his head was between your legs, you enjoyed being wanted. But you wanted to be wanted for things other than sex. You wanted to have excuses to get dress up and go out on nice dates. You worked long hours and your grad work kept you busy too. Sometimes you just wanted to be swept off your feet, not swept off to the bedroom.

One night while you were working, a group of young men came in. They all sat down right at the bar instead of getting a booth.

“When can I get you guys started off with?”

“Pitcher of beer, please.” One of them says to you. He was handsome, very handsome.

“You got it.” You smile.

You found yourself chatting with him a bit in between other customers. His name was Noel, and he worked at a publishing company. He and his coworkers were celebrating finishing a large manuscript edit. Harry noticed you flirted, but to be fair, you flirted a lot. So did he. It was how all the bartenders got more tips. There was something different about this, though. You seemed genuinely interested in what this guy had to say.

“We have to get going soon, but I’d love to keep getting to know you. Your grad work seems really interesting.” He writes his number on the receipt. “Call me sometime.” He smiles.

You bite your bottom lip and tuck the receipt copy into your apron. You had butterflies in your stomach. This was good, this was really good. What a cute way to meet someone. You and your other friends giggle about Noel. You were definitely going to call him.

“Coming back to mine tonight?” Harry asks as you both work to close down the bar.

“Sure.” You smile.

//

Your willingness to hook up with Harry had gotten less and less frequent. You had called Noel. You talked for hours. You had a lot in common. You had gone out on a couple of dates with him, and they went really well. It was time to tell Harry your hook ups needed to stop altogether.

“Slow your roll, I didn’t come over here for that.” You laugh and push him away. He was kissing on your neck the second you came over to his place.

“What did you come here for then?” He gasps facetiously. “Are we hanging out for real?”

“Yes.” You both sit down on his couch. “I have to tell you something. I’m…sort of seeing someone.”

“Oh.”

“I haven’t slept with him yet, but I’d like to. We’re not official yet either, but I feel like we probably will be, so this needs to stop. Is that okay? Still friends?”

“Course it’s okay, and of course we’re still friends. Thanks for being so honest.” He smiles.

“Thanks for being so cool with it. I know I’ve been sort of distant in that sense lately, but I’ve just been trying to figure out how I feel. I really like this guy and I don’t wanna screw it up.”

“I get it.”

You hug him and kiss him on the cheek. The two of you settle in with a movie, and then you leave. Harry went to bed aggravated as all hell. He liked hooking up with you. He was hoping the conversation you had earlier wouldn’t have come so soon. You had been doing what you were doing for nearly three months. How could you have gotten bored with him? You always praised him in the bedroom, how could you want someone else to fuck you?

//

You and your friends would be all hanging out after work, and you’d be bringing Noel to formally meet them. You had been seeing him for a few weeks now. You hadn’t gone all the way with him yet, just making out and some heavy petting. You weren’t sure what the holdup was, but you didn’t mind taking it sort of slow.

He comes into the bar just before close and sits down. You squeal when you see him. You come around from the bar and kiss him on the cheek.

“I just need to change quick in the back, and then we can head to Michelle’s.”

“Sounds good, take your time.”

You kiss him on the lips quickly and then head to the back to change. Harry catches this and squints at Noel while he wipes down the bar. Noel gives him a half smile and Harry returns it. Tonight was going to be interesting to say the least.

After a few drinks, you all settled in on a game of Scrabble. It would be lame or boring if you weren’t drinking.

“Challenge! Challenge! No way that’s a word!” Michelle says to Harry.

“Is too!”

“It’s a slang term, no slang!” Chris yells in her defense.

“Where in the blood rules does it say you can’t use slang?! If it’s in the dictionary, it’s a fucking word! That’s ten points, write it down.” He crosses his arms, and Michelle groans.

“I’ve never seen so many people get worked up by a game of Scrabble before.” Noel chuckles. “This is great.” He kisses you on the cheek.

Everyone seemed to really like Noel so far, but you wanted Harry’s opinion too. You notice him get up to refill his drink in the kitchen, so you get up to do the same.

“What do you think?” You whisper.

“About what?” He whispers back.

“Noel.” You giggle.

“Oh.” He rolls his eyes. “No offense, but I don’t really wanna give my two cents on your boyfriend.”

“Well, he’s not exactly my boyfr-“

“Either way.” He sips his drink. “Not something I feel super comfortable with.”

“I just wanted to know if you liked him so far…if I bring him around more often I’d wanna make sure you were comfortable with it.”

“And what if I wasn’t?” He had back you up so you were leaning against the counter. “You know me, I’m a real attention hog.” He smirks and walks away from you.

Harry missed you. He missed you like crazy. It had been a month since you last hooked up and he thought he was gonna go crazy. Never in a million years did he think he would be the one to catch feelings, but he did. Noel was probably a really nice guy, but he was now competition, and if there was one thing Harry didn’t like it was competition.

He had to watch as Noel would come in on the late nights at work to come pick you up, when that used to be him to make sure you got home safely. He had to listen when you would giggle with your other friends about the dates he would bring you on. It was torture.

//

One night it was raining, so Noel invited you over for a wine and movie date. You loved cuddling with him. About thirty minutes into the movie, and most of your glass of wine drank, you were making out on his couch.

“Y/n>” He breathes. “Want you.”

“Want you too.” You groan.

You were ready for him now, he had waited long enough. It also kind of turned you on to just be so comfortable with him to want to do it on his couch. He slipped your pants off and undid your own. You reach into your grab and pull out a condom. He happily slides it on. He fingers you, only for a few moments. When Harry would finger you…you shake the thought from your head. You can’t compare them right now.

When Noel pushes inside you, you were expecting it to feel incredible. It wasn’t like his dick was small or unsatisfying, but there was something that just wasn’t doing it for you. Maybe it was the way he wasn’t paying any attention to your clit, or the way he would only lightly kiss your neck, or that he wasn’t pulling at the roots of your hair. Shit.

“Y/N? Are you enjoying it? You’re like a million miles away.” He frowns.

“I’m so sorry, I thought I was feeling it…but…”

He pulls out of you and discards himself of the condom. You pull your pants back on and sit with him awkwardly on the couch.

“Is there something else I could have done?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think it would have made a difference.” You sigh. “I really like you Noel, I don’t know what my problem is tonight.”

“Is there someone else?”

“No.” Maybe. “At least, I didn’t think there was, but now I’m so sure.” You look at him. “I’m so sorry, I think I should go.”

He nods and sighs.

“I really like you too, but I don’t wanna force anything between us. Take all the time you need.”

You throw your arms around him and hold him tight. Noel was literally the perfect guy, what was wrong with you? You leave and drive around for a bit. You wanted to kill Harry for running through your mind. You didn’t want to date him, and you hadn’t really thought about him sexually since you stopped hooking up. You never thought about him when you kissed Noel, so why was it when you were finally getting intimate that he popped into your head?

You were suddenly filled with rage and you gripped your steering wheel so hard your knuckles turned white. You found yourself driving towards Harry’s apartment building. You get out of the car and slam the door closed. You had no idea if he was going to be there, and you were getting soaked, but you didn’t care. You had a bone to pick with him.

You bang on his door and ring the buzzer over and over. You hear him yell “hang on” a couple of times.

“Y/N?!” It looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was damp and the shirt he had clearly just put on was sticking to his still wet chest.

“You have some nerve, Harry Styles.” You brush by him as you walk into his place.

“Sure, come on in.” He says to himself. “Do you need a towel, you’re dripping?”

“No, I’m perfectly fine like this.” You cross your arms and looks at him.

“Alright, I really don’t have time for this, so you wanna explain the attitude?” He cross his arms now.

“I just tried having sex with Noel and I couldn’t because of you!”

His eyebrows raise in surprise. That was the last thing he expected you to say.

“What?”

“You…you…you ruined me!”

“I ruined you? What in the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, for started, when he fingered me, it felt like he was just jabbing, and his nails weren’t exactly short. Your nails are always perfectly filed.”

“It’s common curtesy.”

“And he only did it for a few minutes. Then, he didn’t even rub my clit. You always did that while you fucked me.”

“Because it makes you feel good.”

“Exactly!”

“Did you tell him?”

“What?”

“Did you vocalize what you wanted?”

“No…I didn’t have to with you.”

“Not everyone’s like me. Sometimes you have to-“

“But I don’t want to! I just want someone that knows what they’re doing! I don’t want it to be a race about who can get off the fastest. I want someone’s body on mine and just be in complete and utter ecstasy for a little while! And it probably would have been fine. Maybe I would have gotten vocal with him, but you wouldn’t leave my mind! You ruined me, Harry.”

“Yeah, well, you ruined me too.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah.” He scoffs. “Do you know how hard it’s been watching you be with someone else? To give all your attention to some guy that wasn’t me?! Do you know how hard it’s been trying to respect your relationship, and not drag you into the back room to fuck you senseless?”

“I didn’t think you had feelings for me.”

“Neither did I.” He looks away. “But I do, and I have pretty much since you ended things. I started to really miss you…as more than a friend.” He rubs the back of his neck. His phone starts to ring. “Shit.”

“Do you have plans?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go.”

“No.” He answers his phone. “Hey…no, I’m actually glad you called. I have to cancel last minute. One of my friends is upset over some guy who’s been a real idiot. Yeah…I’m sorry.” He hangs up his phone and shoves it back in his pocket.

“You didn’t have to do that…”

“Yes, I did. I was gonna try to go out on a date since it seemed things were getting serious between you and Noel…”

“So you just canceled on that poor girl who was probably getting ready?!”

“Well, I never said I was perfect! You of all people should know that, it’s probably the reason you didn’t more than my dick, right?”

“You didn’t want more from me!”

“I did, I just didn’t know it!”

You groan loudly, completely frustrated with the entire situation.

“Wait, so you had sex with him tonight?”

“What?”

“Like right before you came here? He fucked you?”

“Only for a couple of minutes. He could tell I wasn’t into it.” You look away.

“Well, I’m not fucking you tonight, not unless you shower.”

“You really think I came over here for that?! I came here to yell at you!”

“For no fucking reason! Oh, boo hoo, you think I ruined you for all other men. Maybe Noel was just a dud in the sack. Maybe that’s why he was single.”

“So you would have just easily jumped into bed with me if I wanted?”

“In a heartbeat, but not if someone else just touched you. I don’t even wanna think about it.” He makes a disgusted noise. “It should have been me, it should always be me.”

“That’s how you really feel?”

“It is. How do you feel?”

“I want you, but I also want the dates and the romance. I don’t want the booty calls, Harry. It’s nice being wanted, but I wanna go out and do things. I like getting brunch and going to movies, or going to other bars, or-“

“Okay! We can do that, we can do all of it, Christ. I’d do anything if it meant you were mine again, even though you were never really fully mine, but I had a piece of you once, I want all of it now.”

“I want all of you too.” You start walking towards his bathroom. You knew it very well.

“Where are you going?”

“You asked me to shower, so that’s where I’m going.” He follows you in there and you stop short. “You…kept my body wash?” You snatch the travel size bottle and show it to him.

“Smells good.” He shrugs. “Didn’t wanna waste it.” You make a sweet pouty face at him. “Shut up, you know where the towels are.” He says and closes the door behind him.

After your shower you find him lounging on his bed. You have your towel secure around you.

“All Noel free?”

“Mhm.” You giggle and sit on the edge of the bed where he was laying.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t take that the wrong way. I just would’ve felt weird…” He sit up against the headboard.

“No, it made sense. I wouldn’t wanna hook up with you right after being with someone else either.” You look over at the empty space beside him. “You know, in the three months we were hooking up we never had a sleep over.”

“Is that your way of asking to spend the night?”

“Got a t-shirt I can sleep in?”

He hums his response and gets up. He goes into his dresser, and tosses you a shirt. You put it on and hang the towel up.

“Wanna just watch something on Netflix and cuddle?” He asks.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

He smiles and puts the TV on while you crawl onto the bed. He throws an arm around you and rubs your back as he searches for something. You settle on some random movie. You bury your face in his chest and throw a leg over his.

“Why do you always do this?” He chuckles.

“Do what?”

“Any time we start a movie you get all needy.”

“You said you wanted to cuddle, this is me cuddling.”

“This is your knee getting very close to my dick.”

“Can you blame me? Haven’t had you in so long.”

“You say that like it’s my fault.”

“If I hadn’t ended things you never would have realized you liked me as more than a friend.”

“Y/N.” He sighs. “How could you not tell? Have you ever had a casual hook up so passionate before?”

“I just thought you were really good in bed.” You chuckle.

“Well, I am. And like I said before, I didn’t really realize how I felt until after it was over, which is super shitty.” He looks down at you and cups your cheek. “You’re special to me. You always have been, think it’s why we’ve been such great friends.”

“You shouldn’t keep so much to yourself.”

“Tomorrow, after work, I’m taking you on a date. I don’t care how late it is, I’ll find a place to take you. Show you off to everyone, make ‘em all feel jealous.”

You smile as he leans in to kiss you. He push you down into the pillows and hovers over you. It felt so good to have his lips on yours again. You couldn’t believe how much you missed it, or how natural it felt. You tug at his shirt and take it off. His lips move to your jaw and to your neck. He sucks on your skin harshly and your nails rake down his back.

“This what you needed?” He whispers in your ear before he sucks on another spot.

“Yes.” You gasp. “Feels so good.”

He gets your shirt off and strips down to his boxers. He kisses down your chest, making sure to pay attention to your breasts. He kisses from your knee to your inner thigh, sucking on where he pleases. When his tongue meets your center you buck your hips up towards him.

“You know you’re not supposed to move. Or did you forget?”

“Maybe you should remind me.”

He grins and presses a hand down on your lower stomach. You gasp when his tongue laps around you again. Your hands grip at his hair when he starts to suck on your clit. You moan out when you feel two of his fingers slip inside you.

“This is how you like it, right?” He says against you.

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

Your eyes roll into the back of your head when his fingers curl up against your spongy front wall. He sucks even harsher on your clit and you feel like you’re going to lose it.

“Harry.” You cry out.

You feel him groan as you come to your release. He removes his fingers and sticks his tongue inside you to fully get a taste of you. He had missed it so much. He was sort of getting carried away, and started eating you out again. His thumb creeps up to your clit to rub circles into it. Your head was thrashing against the pillow, and you were sweating from what he was doing to you. No one did this like Harry. Once you come again he slowly lifts his head. He was out of breath and his chin was glistening.

“Get on your stomach.” He breathes.

You grin and flip over. He grips your hips, and pulls you back to him. He slips his boxers off and then slips inside you.

“Oh, fuck.” You groan.

“You like my cock buried inside you?”

“Yes.”

You gasp when he starts moving in and out of you. His hand grasps at the roots for your hair. His skin was slapping against yours. It was like the two of you had never been apart. You move your ass back against him to get in sync with his pace.

“Still so fucking tight. You feel amazing.” He grunts.

Harry tugs your hair harshly to pulls you back to him. Your head rolls back against his shoulder. One of his arms snakes between your breasts, and his other moves so his hand can rub your slit as his thrusts in and out of you.

“Taking me so well.” He says into your ear. You turn slightly to kiss him. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth and bite down on it. “Fuck.” He breathes.

“Harry.” You whimper.

He could tell you were close again by the way you were tightening around him.

“Where, shit, where can I come?”

“Inside me, obviously.”

He rubs your clit faster and you grab at his hair. You cry out before he pushes you back down on the bed. He flips you over and slips back inside. His hand grips your throat in just the right way. You both make eye contact. He thought you looked beautiful like this.

“Shit.” He groans and fills you to the brim with his hot come.

“Oh my god, Harry.” You moan.

“Like that?”

“Love it.”

He pulls out of you and you clamp your legs together so you don’t make a mess. You hobble to bathroom to clean up and then come back to him. You collapse on top of his chest. He plays with your hair and kisses your forehead.

“So…you really wanna be with me?” He asks. Someone had to speak first.

“Yeah, I do.” You look up at him. “You wanna be with me?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll have to call Noel tomorrow to let him know it’s officially over.”

“Same with the girl I’ve been talking to.” He kisses your forehead again and looks at you. “And you’re really gonna spend the night?”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“Good, because I’m about ready to fuck you again. Got an entire month to make up for, babe.”

[1ddotdhq]

💀Wed 28 Oct ‘20🏡

Zayn is back, Louis has pink hoodies (sort of), Liam is tik tokking like a pro, Harry feeds fish, Simon Cowell’s surgery recovery has stalled and is going poorly (great! couldn’t have happened to a more deserving human), but we’ve got too much real news to waste anymore time on that asshole! 

We ended last night with ZAYN SINGING TO US!! Beautiful black and white footage of beautiful Zayn and his perfect voice; he shows us little snippets of himself crooning James Bay's Hold Back the River and Paolo Nutini's Last Request (not for the first time on this one, he did this song before in the lead up to Icarus Falls... more on that in a minute) while reading lyrics off his phone, captioned 'Cover Sessions.' Good god but I have missed his ethereal warbling! The post alone is an unexpected blessing and a gift but the implied promise of more to come?? YES PLEASE I CANNOT WAIT. Some wonder if it could be for a Spotify Sessions, others are screaming about how Icarus Falls' drop was preceded by weeks of black and white cover song videos on instagram (when asked at that time if he was releasing something he said “yes why else do you think I'd be on here singing for you??” LOL, adore this man, but also, hello!) Anyway yesterday we got not only music and the promise of more to come, but also interaction! He chatted in comments, offering a coy 'maybe' to a comment saying 'acoustic', posting laugh cry emojis at his own jokes (“no YOU stop”), and sending love back to his happy zquad, who were of course overwhelmed and over the moon. He's cut his hair off but with all he's given us today can we be sad? It's a small price to pay. James Bay reposted the cover of his song-- “nice one man x.”

Then, Louis officially dropped his Kill My Mind Lyric drop (on the 28th!!!):  the lyric being represented is “the devil in my brain”, and it is indeed a skull with a tophat over a cauldron. The new stuff features the cute little logo embroidered on various black cold weather wear items (including a sweater!) and says 'lyric drop 2' inside the collar of the shirts. BUT! There’s more! We’ve got some more wavy walls hoodies in pink lettering, as well as fuzzy red lettering and a marble red and pink design. Love it! However, it was discovered that this new merch does not ship to India or LATAM (except Costa Rica) and honestly?? RUDE!! Louis’ LATAM fans are the FUCKING BEST (no I’m not biased wdym???). They do, however, ship to Vatican City for some reason so catch the Pope in his Walls merch! Louis did respond to this issue on twitter, though, and said, “I’ll get more info on this ASAP. Anywhere else?” so dioceses all over the world will soon be able to rock out in their KMM merch. Celebtm also came back for round three to tell everyone that they were removing themselves from the narrative until January (good riddance), but not before leaving a message from Michael Straus (ugh) to Louis and his “son” (the quote marks are theirs, not mine, in case you’re wondering where they stand on the issue). Straus’ last hurrah included claims that Briana gets a direct deposit from Louis (or his team) on the first of every month, spends it all immediately and is left destitute for the rest of the month, and that neither Briana nor Freddie have health insurance. He then offered to help Louis get custody of Freddie. Um, right. I’m sure his help would be invaluable. Also, we all agree that he’s a liar and likely doesn’t know shit and is trying to make himself seem like the hero instead of the gross misogynist he is right? 

A story was also released about Harry’s car breaking down in the UK over the summer. He did what anyone would do (I suppose?) and knocked on someone’s door to see if they could help. Well, it turns out their daughter is a fan, so they invited him in for a cup of tea, and allowed him to snoop around her room. They even took a picture of him feeding her goldfish! The photographer who took the picture is (coincidentally?) a professional, who has worked with Kasey Musgraves before. The fan did not get to meet him, but he signed her album, and left her a note promising to meet her at a concert, which he would be inviting them to. Harry has done some other cool things in the last few days (being politically active IS cool), and has started filming DWD in Palm Springs. He was spotted by a fan (though no pictures were released) and he signed her phone cover - it reads “Golden” with a little heart. 

Harry also ignited discourse by *shuffles papers,scratches head in confusion* his endorsement of Joe Biden? Well, there were a few layers to this condemnation. The first were the people who... thought he might be a Trump supporter and were disappointed that he was not? Well, uh, clearly they have not been paying close attention, because this man has been seen this year in a BLM rally, has shouted “fuck Boris, fuck the government”, and has waved multiple different pride flags (including the trans flag!) at his concerts. IDK how that screamed Trump supporter to some people. And then there were the people who were angry that he captioned the tweet “I would vote with kindness”. The words I have seen thrown around are “disingenuous” “privileged” and “this is not enough.” Well! Harry has often been criticized for encouraging fans to simply “vote” without talking specifics; now he's endorsed a candidate, just as requested! And while no one actually LIKES Biden there is no question (in any world except absurd fandom wank circles) that this endorsement is the correct one out of the viable candidates. He is not saying that Biden is himself kind, which yes would be weird, he is saying that voting for Biden is the kinder choice and you know what? He is correct. If you think that we at 1ddotd are gonna condemn him for taking a stance against a fascist, uh, THINK AGAIN!

It was confirmed that Liam’s mystery collab is Dixie D’Amelio, of tik tok fame, and I’m going to refrain from commenting until I hear the song! Liam continues to lean into both Christmas and Halloween by doing his spooky tik toks and NOT putting jump scare warnings in ANY OF THEM, thanks so much for that one Liam, love it loads! His fun, spooky, dorky ones (in full AWESOME looking makeup thanks to MUA Abby Roberts who’s quickly becoming a regular) are amazing though, and I will miss it when Halloween is over. And Niall was on the Elvis Duran show, mid-golf game with his cousin actually, to talk about them about his concert, the venue, the cause (calling his crew “like family”), and calling out the government (go Niall!)! He ALSO took to twitter and said, “I wish I could vote”. He would also not be voting for Trump, in case anyone actually needs that spelled out.

[harvestdew]

pls will u ever elaborate on kiki's backstory im dying to know what on earth is going on there

yeah i was like wow i’m gonna be so cool and mysterious and NOT tell anyone not even my friends what’s going on with kiki til i pump out my comics because i thought it’d be better that way? but school saps the energy from me so idk why i expected to get comics out in a timely manner when comics take a lot of time. i also feel bad because i’ve had multiple people go like “WHAT the fuck is going” so i’ll just tell you all as a little 500 followers treat so you guys don’t misunderstand and think she’s a murderer

also if you ever want to hear me talk about my oc’s more you can always come to my livestreams (i stream my stardew valley gameplay w/ friends or when i draw)!

disclaimer: this will be long. it’s complicated, if you’re more confused just send me another ask and i’ll elaborate, and i’ll split it into 3 sections! i’m so sorry

childhood - after kiki’s parents divorced, she chose to stay with her dad, her mom remarried to a rich CEO (more on this later), whatever. her dad dies in an accident, but instead of being passed over to her mom, kiki got sent to pelican town to live with her grandpa on her dad’s side when she was 13. i think at this time haley is too young for her to hang out with because i always thought she was younger than kiki BUT sebastian is her age and they’re actually put in the same class

kiki struggles with acclimating to pelican town because she’s a) grieving b) joining the class in the dead middle of the year so everyone thinks she’s a loser LOL. i guess sebastian felt really bad for her cuz he finds her crying outside once of class and gives her like his juice or something out of pity. they end up becoming friends though, and by extension, she becomes friends with sam and abigail. she hangs out with sebastian the most though, plus they’re kinda neighbors so robin was used to her stopping by constantly out of convenience

unfortunately kiki only spends 2 years in pelican town because her grandpa died, but before he does he gives her the envelope like in the intro of stardew valley and tells her not to open it. everything goes downhill for her at this point because it means she has to move back in with her mom. kiki knows that her mom has 0 attachment to stardew valley so the only way she thinks she can really keep in contact with everyone is writing them letters which sounds pretty infallible at first

anyway i may or may not have taken inspo from an e ve MV here because childhood friends parting makes me really sad

teenage years up to early 20s - around this time surprise her mom is (surprise) awful. by this i mean her mom literally married a chairman at joja corp., enrolled kiki in private school, and tried to siphon any connection she had to her dad, grandpa, and stardew valley by substituting it with her new life in zuzu city. not to mention kiki’s step-sister irene who i’m going to design lately hopefully (?) also loves making her miserable only because she hates kiki’s mom 

the only thing that makes city life bearable for her is frequent letters from her friends, most often (if it wasn’t obvious again) sebastian. daelin told me he probably sent her emo poetry and i think that’s literally SO funny but even then the letters don’t last that long because within a few months her mom decides the letters are getting in the way of her kid’s success and starts throwing them out before kiki gets them or sends her own. naturally she thinks sebastian just doesn’t give a fuck about her so she stops writing after a while. but then this makes HIM think she doesn’t give a fuck about him and he holds a grudge against her for it for years even though she has no idea

then kiki forgets about stardew valley since there seems to be nothing else tying her to it, goes to business school, and eventually gets as a job in PR at joja corp. if that’s not bad enough she gets engaged to a MAN she doesn’t even like. her fiance is someone who manipulated her into dating him which i’ll again elaborate on in a second, plus her mom is obsessed with him like ohhh big handsome man WHATEVER except he literally only wants to marry her because her step-dad is a chairman. but kiki’s absolute breaking point (which i’m still kinda hashing out and only have a vague idea of) is when she figures out her fiance orchestrated a PR disaster by logging into her computer and messing a bunch of stuff up (idk if i should do hacking or whatever) so she gets blamed, only to take blame/save the day for the thing he LITERALLY started so she could feel indebted to him enough to date him. at this point she feels so suffocated by her life in zuzu city that she contemplates running away, so while packing she finds grandpa’s letter and decides to run away to stardew valley

present - i know the missing person stuff didn’t make sense but i hope everything i explained kinda gives you more context? her mom put out a missing person notice and her peers/family from zuzu city are still looking for her. this is partly why she doesn’t have a phone when she moves in, she tries to pawn her engagement ring off to clint for extra gold, and refuses to have pictures of her taken by haley for the first few weeks of their friendship. ofc when kiki goes back, she is escorted by robin, talks to lewis, etc. whatever is in the official intro and it’s kinda standard but on her way to pierre’s for cleaning supplies she accidentally runs into sebastian and realizes he hates her guts and has no idea why because he literally won’t tell her. the idea of childhood friends to strangers is really fun to write imo and then the story persists from there! 

LASTLY - I’M SO SORRY for writing so much i just couldn’t condense it into less paragraphs if i wanted but i hope it was interesting!

[magnumdays]

Magnum 3.15 - “Before the Fall”

1) Magnum being adorable and we getting some stuff from his past - love it! Bernardo seems like a great guy I can’t believe how much I want Magnum and Higgins going to his wedding next season. (It’s going on my season 4 Wishlist). 

2) I guess I official completely hate Ethan now. Dude. Come on.

Side not on this, Perdie gave me lots of emotions with this scene and the whole “that’s not what I want!” I may now hate Ethan but I kinda just want him to say sorry and hug her and be all “I luv you and I’m not going to Africa” because crying Higgy just makes me so sad (but I also hate him now so I don’t want that but you know)!

Just look at my poor baby all teary eyed!

 Second side note: how they gonna work this into “.... Ethan asks Higgins to join him on an extended trip for Doctors Without Borders just as Magnum starts to open up to other possibilities.” Like that’s a quick turn around from “I want to leave to get some time away from you because I don’t trust you”. I’m just saying... 

3) third is a bit of a rant because Was the theme of this episode somehow “men do terrible things to women because they think it’s all about them and we’re supposed to feel sorry for them?“ 

Because we got a) girl hiking gets 'accidentally’ killed by her dad for investigating her best friend’s murder and not being willing to cover up the fact that b) her best friend was murdered by hiker girl’s brother for not returning his romantic feelings c) Juliet, after telling Ethan about her past gets ghosted for 24h then basically ‘I no longer trust you so I’m leaving’ by Ethan. 

Juliet’s case is obviously not as bad. But they’re all is shown as sympathetic, we’re meant to feel bad for them because they killed/hurt these women. Sad music plays and it’s almost like we’re supposed to “get it”. Feel bad for him. And we do. But he killed his own daughter when she was trying to find justice for her best friend. I feel sadder for her.

It’s not cool to kill someone. Even if a woman rejects you, can’t keep a secret, kept too many… (or well, at least Ethan only stuck an emotional knife in Higgy’s heart. I mean I guess he’s allowed his feelings even if they’re kinda stupid.) And I know that wasn’t what they were saying but I still felt like everyone was so understanding to brother and the father.

At the same time I really ‘like’ that we have this double whammy of realistic ways/ reason women are killed by the men in their lives. Because fun fact for all my ladies out there if you’re going to get killed  64% out of 100% times it’s your husband, brother, father, boyfriend, date is going to be the killer. Good times. IDK if I’ve been on the tiktok ‘feminisms’ tag too long but this episode felt like it was kind of representative of “normal” guys killing women. Not serial killers, just a dad killing his own daughter on accident because he was trying to protect his son. 

4) I guess actual theme of the episode was more like “people will not act the way you expect them to because we got a lot of layers and in the end it’s the people we care about the most that hurt us but also help us grow and change” with TC asking Shammy to pilot for him and him freaking a bit over that and both Rick/TC being a little hurt but then understanding, Magnum pushing his uncle to tell him about his ‘true love’ and finding it was his mother and reacting to that and feeling betrayed but eventually figuring it out it’s OK and finally Juliet deciding to trust Ethan and that not really working out for her at all. Even the case, with it being the dead girl’s own brother and father fits in here.

5) The scene from the sneak peek turned out to maybe be my favorite of the episode

Like come on he’s all “Magnum’s been telling me all about how great you are” and she’s like “don’t believe a word of it”

I mean she’s super snarky, maybe a little bit more than how she’s been lately because she’s been a bit softer, (but I’m figuring know she’s a little extra prickly because of sharing secrets with Ethan the night before and him not taking it super well.) But I love them being snarky and bickering.

Uncle Bernardo knows what’s up!

I liked the “No way, we can handle it, Thomas has been looking forward to your visit for weeks” moment too.

She might be bantering and being her normal British Higgy self but she’s also really excited for Magnum to be getting to spend some time with family. Prepping the extra fancy room for him, coming to say hi when he first arrived, being all ‘no no you guys spend time we got this’ (because you know, gotta make sure to make a good impression on the future in-laws...) 

Part of me wishes we’d gotten a little bit more of a Higgy talks about what she’s feeling with TC or Magnum. But at the same time that’s not her. Well, maybe with Thomas she might have but IDK, maybe it was best to save that for 3.16 and the ‘break up/ doctors without borders’ situation we’re about to find ourselves in...

(And is it because it was two weeks of missing my babies but is Higgy looking extra fine? Like even crying I’m like man she’s so hot! Did they change he eyebrows? New foundation? Also is her hair a little longer? IDK, I guess she’s just hot and I forgot... 

(Speaking of hair, can we talk about the little side braid thing? Why do I love it so much?)

Yeah, over all I liked this episode.

Despite not that much Miggy and crying Juliet at the end. I do really apricate all the heart-eyes from Magnum lately. 

Like we cannot go one scene or even a phone call without him just making me go ‘wow, if you looked up ‘guy in love’ in the dictionary, this is what you’d get’ because come on! Magnum and Higgy do feel a little bit more distant in 14+15 compared to 11-13. 

Now all we have is a week of anxiety until the season finale and then a whole lot of waiting! Is it weird I both want it to be next week right this second and for it to be like a month from now because 3.16 is the last episode until the fall! 

[recollins]

hi! can you do one of reid and he has a secret girlfriend/fiance/wife (idk your choice haha) that the team doesnt know about then something happens to spencer (hospital maybe) or the team meets her by chance and everyone is surprised and start piecing together why reid declined to go out all those times and stuff? you have free reign over this drabble I know it'll turn out great anyways! thanks!!

Of course! This is so cute! Sorry, I know this took a hot minute, but I apparently don’t have the ability to write short drabbles (and of course my internet went out for like an hour when I was ready to post 🙄). I hope you don’t mind it went a little long, hopefully you enjoy this!

Pairing: Spencer x Female Reader Words: 3,531 Content: Fluff Warnings: Knife injury, stitches Masterlist

--

The tentative hand tugging on your pencil skirt was right on time. With a smile, you sat the stack of book returns on the shelf and turned to smile at your favorite visitor. As soon as she saw she had your attention, June held up the most recent book you’d recommended to her, beaming as she said excitedly,

“Zero found his mom! I was happy he was gonna live with Stanley but now he has his her too!”

“See? And you were worried it wasn’t gonna be a happy ending,” you teased the enthusiastic seven-year-old as you crouched down to her level. “Did you like it?”

June nodded enthusiastically, her blonde curls bouncing wildly with the movement. “I loved it! I would’a been so scared with all those lizards though! I don’t know how Zero and Stanley were so brave!”

“It’s not easy to be brave, but doing the right thing can show you that you’re a lot stronger than you might believe,” you told her, and to your surprise you saw uncertainty clouding her soft blue eyes.  

“Miss (Y/N), do you think I could be brave?”

You nodded and reached up giving her chin a gentle squeeze before you stood. “You already are. I mean, you walk here from school every day by yourself. That’s pretty brave, if you ask me.”

To your surprise, June dropped her eyes and gave her small shoulders a dismissive shrug. “I’m not as brave as my big brother. He can climb all the way to the top of our tree and I’m too scared to even go past the first branch.”

As you did every Wednesday, you rested a hand on June’s shoulder and led her with you over to the children’s section of the library. Instead of instantly taking her to seek out a new book for the week, you led her to the reading nook and nudged her towards one of the chairs as you sat across from her.

“You remember Dr. Reid, don’t you?” you prompted, and June’s smile flickered back to her face as she gave an eager nod. How could she not? Spencer had come by the Story Circle – a kids book club you hosted every Saturday – and had eagerly joined in on your discussion of that month’s book, The Hobbit.

Though not [as] gifted as Spencer Reid (honestly, you didn’t think anyone else really was), June was an incredibly smart little girl and read well over her normal age group. It turned out that The Hobbit was one of her favorite books, and she and Spencer had spent hours talking about it after the club had ended.

“Well, he’s an FBI agent. Remember?” June nodded again. “Do you think he’s brave?”

“He is,” she confirmed instantly, and a smile came to your face. “He’s probably the bravest person ever!”

“I think so too,” you admitted, grinning back at her. But you think your brother’s pretty brave too, huh?”

June nodded, a little slower this time, trying to figure out the point you were about to make. “But he’s not an FBI agent like Dr. Reid.”

“He’s not. But he can still be brave, because there are different kinds of braveness in the world. Dr. Reid goes out and finds bad guys, and your brother can climb trees and not get scared.” June’s brow furrowed as you added pointedly, “and you walk all the way to the library by yourself. Everyone’s brave in their own way, but Dr. Reid’s bravery isn’t any different from yours. They’re all just as important, and all just as impressive.”

June’s smile took up her whole face, and to your surprise she hopped off her chair and rushed over to hug you tight. You laughed and hugged her back as she said, “thank you Miss (Y/N). you know what?” You pulled back and raised a brow at her in question. “You’re just like Gandalf. You’re wise and you always say things that make other people feel better. Like he does with Bilbo!”

You laughed with her as you got to your feet, taking her hand to lead her towards the shelves you wanted. “So then does that make you Bilbo?”

“Uh-huh. And Dr. Reid is Thorin, ‘cause he’s really smart and clever, but he’s really nice too. And he’s a leader. And he’s probably brave enough to fight Smaug.”

“I bet you’re right,” you agreed, already looking forward to telling Spencer all about this tonight. He loves little kids, and knowing June thought about him so highly would definitely make his day. “You know, speaking of bravery and dragons… I think I know a good book for you this week.”

You paused at the end of one of the aisles and knelt down – June following your movement – and you tugged out a book you’d been waiting to recommend to her. She took your offering and studied the cover as she read out,

“The Two Princesses of Bamarre?”

“Yep. Do you remember reading Ella Enchanted last month?” June nodded slowly. “This was written by the same author. It’s about a little sister who has to be really brave and go on an adventure to save her big sister. There’s dragons, ogres, and fairies in this one.”

June’s eyes widened with every word, and as you both stood she peeked up at you. “And true love?”

That was what the two of you shared – you were both hopeless romantics.

“Would I give you a fairytale story without that?” June giggled and shook her head. You nudged her gently back towards the reading nook, knowing her mom wouldn’t be by to pick her up for another hour at least. “I’ve got to finish putting the books away, so you get started on that and see if you like it, alright?”

“Thanks Miss (Y/N)!” she said eagerly, already cracking the book open on her way. You just grinned and shook your head as you headed back to the books you’d left on the shelf. The front desk phone ringing hadn’t even caught your attention, and you were just grabbing the books again when the other librarian Amy came bustling over to you, handset held out.

“It’s Stafford Hospital asking for you,” she whispered, and instantly your stomach flipped. Why was a hospital several cities over be calling for you? Warily you took the handset and said,

“This is (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Miss (Y/L/N), this is Nurse Lesser from Stafford Hospital. We’re calling you because you’re listed as the emergency medical contact for Spencer Reid.”

You nearly dropped the phone, sucking in a sharp breath as your heart skittered to a stop. “Oh my god, is he okay?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I’m not able to go into specifics right now, but if you’d be able to come down and speak with –“

“Yes, yes, I’m on my way,” you said quickly, already racing for the front desk. As soon as the call ended you practically threw the handset back to Amy as you grabbed your purse. “I’ve got to go, I’m so sorry. I’ll see you later!”

Amy didn’t even get a chance to respond before you were booking it to your car.

The normally fifteen minute drive to the hospital took you less than ten; you’d be sure not to ever mention how many traffic laws you’d broken to get there so fast. Not that you really cared about that, though. Your mind was in overdrive, heart stuttering painfully against your ribs, lungs refusing to let you get a full breath. All you could hear was emergency medical contact for Spencer Reid.

Heels and all, you practically sprinted through the ER parking lot, desperate to find out what had happened. You and Spencer had been dating for just about five months now, and though he’d listed you as his contact as soon as you’d made things official, this was the first call you’d ever gotten for it. You knew dating an FBI agent came with risks like this, but you really hadn’t been prepared for the instant panic and fear that came with knowing Spencer had been hurt.

Once inside, though, you had no idea where to go or what to do. Maybe you should’ve thought to ask that during the call, but you’d flown into panic hyperdrive and had been on a one-track-mind purpose of getting to your boyfriend as fast as possible.

You paused in the lobby for several moments, looking around desperately until you spotted someone that looked like a nurse.

“Excuse me!” you called, racing after him. The young man paused and looked back at you as you asked quickly, “I-I got a call. I’m an emergency contact for a patient –“

“Which patient, ma’am?” he asked, glancing down at a clipboard in his hand.

“Dr. Spencer Reid. He’s with the FBI, I don’t know – they wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong –“

“I’m sorry ma’am, he’s not one of my patients. If you want to wait in the lobby –“

“You don’t understand. I need to know – can you just please find out where he is? Spencer Reid. R-E-I-D. They just called me –“

“I’m sorry, did you say Spencer Reid?” a woman asked from behind you. As soon as you were distracted the nurse practically bolted from your side, but you were too busy studying the group of people behind you.

The woman who had spoken – a petite, beautiful blonde – was coming up to you, confused concern on her face. You recognized her instantly from Spencer’s description of his team, and for a moment you worried he’d be upset. He hadn’t wanted you to meet his coworkers just yet – and certainly not like this – but right now that didn’t matter.

“You must be JJ,” you started, not missing the blink of alarm she gave you as she nodded slowly.

“Yeah… I am. I’m sorry, who are you?”

Oh, right. That had probably been a lot creepier than you’d meant.

“No, I’m sorry. That was super weird of me. I’m (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), Spencer’s girlfriend. He’s told me all about you guys.”

JJ and the others behind her all made noises of surprise. One of the men you recognized as Derek Morgan actually choked on his coffee as he spluttered, “I’m sorry, you’re what now?!”

Heat flooded your cheeks when you realized everyone was staring at you like you’d just sprouted a second head. Nervously you brought your hands together in front of you, fingers twisting together as you repeated a little quieter, “um, I’m Spencer’s girlfriend?”

“Spencer has a –“ a beautiful dark-haired woman scoffed, mouth hanging open as she tried to think of a way to finish that sentence. She must be Emily. “I had no idea Spencer had a girlfriend.”

“Surprise?” you offered, almost instantly cringing at how stupid that was. Thankfully, one of the older men seated behind the others gave an amused snort. Derek, Emily, and JJ all turned to stare at him as Emily asked incredulously,

“What, did you know about this, Rossi?”

“Of course not,” the man – apparently David Rossi – scoffed as he nodded at you. “But unlike you all it doesn’t surprise me that our resident genius would be dating a beautiful librarian. It doesn’t get any more Spencer Reid than that.”

Your cheeks were burning now as the others made noises of agreement. The last man to speak stepped forward and held out his hand to you.

“As I assume you already know, I’m Aaron Hotchner.”

“Spencer’s unit chief,” you confirmed, shaking his hand. “Though I never pictured it like this, it’s really great to meet you all finally.”

“It’s great to know you exist,” Derek quipped; Emily smacked his arm.

“You don’t know why Spence is here?” JJ prompted, and the surprise of meeting your boyfriend’s team flickered out the moment you remembered why you were here. At the look you gave her she said quickly, “don’t worry, he’s fine. He was cut by an UnSub we were chasing and he needed some stitches. We’re just waiting for the doctor to give us the clear to see him.”

Rossi patted the chair beside him and invited, “you’re more than welcome to sit with us, if we haven’t scared you off.”

“Of course not,” you smiled, taking him up on his offer and settling beside him. The others gathered a little closer, clearly ready to learn more about you. Derek wasted no time on jumping into the questions.

“So (Y/N), how long have you and Reid been dating?”

“Five months on the 18th,” you told him with a smile. His eyes widened in surprise and he made a noise of absolute shock.

“You’ve been datin’ for almost half a year and we didn’t know you existed?!”

“Um, surprise again?” you offered, getting a snort out of JJ this time. “I’m sorry. Spencer said he was waiting for the right time. He wanted to give us time to get comfortable with our relationship and make sure things were serious, and then things have just kept coming up. He definitely didn’t want to spring it on you like… well, exactly like it just happened…”

“He was going to tell us at the Halloween party, wasn’t he?” Emily asked you, and at the bewildered head nod you gave her she explained, “he was insistent we would all be there, and when we had to fly out on a case he was really upset. I thought it was just because he has an unnatural love for Halloween, but…”

“Wait,” JJ cut in, snapping her fingers. “When we invited him to lunch last week and he’d said he had to return a library book…”

The team around you ahh’d as they all chuckled. You looked around, still not getting their amusement, but thankfully Rossi caught on to your uncertainty.

“Reid’s been acting dodgy with us lately, and we’ve all been trying to pinpoint it. I can honestly tell you it’s a relief to know he’s in a relationship, not the mob.”

“You’re the only one that thought that,” Emily started, and from behind her, Aaron cleared his throat.

“No he wasn’t.”

The others turned to give him incredulous looks as JJ asked him, “you actually thought Spencer Reid was in the mob?”

“Hey, you and JJ thought he was in a fight club!” Rossi defended, and this time you had to snort.

“A fight club?” you laughed; Emily just offered a shrug as JJ said,

“He had bruises on his – oh.”

Ah, there was the burning in your cheeks again. The others laughed as Derek rubbed his hands together, looking around.

“Guess this means you all owe me your bets.” At the noise of protest around him, he said quickly, “I was the closest! I said he was crushin’ on someone!”

“You guys had money on his caginess?” you asked them with a bemused laugh. JJ, Rossi, and Hotch gave you apologetic smiles as Emily argued,

“That doesn’t count. Garcia wins, she said he had a secret girlfriend.”

“That’s not even fair,” Derek grumbled, shaking his head and crossing his arms irritably. “How is it the only one of us that was right is the one who isn’t even a profiler?”

Before they could go any further a voice called out, “I’m looking for Spencer Reid’s emergency contact, Miss (Y/L/N)?”

Instantly you scrambled out of your seat, rushing past the others to the Doctor peering down at you.

“Yes, that’s me. Is Spencer okay?”

“Yes ma’am. I’m happy to report he’s just fine,” he assured, and the group around you all made noises of relief. “He needed a decent amount of stitches but the blood loss was minimal and luckily there won’t be any long term damage. He’s ready for visitors, if you’d like me to take you back.”

Though you wanted to see him you didn’t feel right stepping in front of his team. They were his family and he’d known them all much longer than he’d known you. But when you looked back at them, JJ and Emily ushered you to go first.

“Go warn him that we’ve met, because as soon as we see him, he ain’t livin’ this down,” Derek assured you, giving a playful grin. With a laugh, you just gave a nod and followed the Doctor back into the patient rooms.

Spencer looked up at the sound of your heels, a huge smile spreading over his face. Though you instantly smiled back, you made a noise of distress seeing his bandaged arm. Rushing to his side, you gingerly took his arm and held it up, running your fingers lightly over the wrappings.

“Baby, are you okay?” you asked softly, looking up at him in concern. Spencer smiled and reached out, cupping your face with his free hand and brushing his thumb over your cheek in comfort.

“I’m just fine. I’m so sorry, I wanted to call and let you know what’d happened, but I left my phone in the SUV. I know the call from the hospital had to have taken you by surprise.”

“You know…” you started, giving him a smile as you leaned into his touch. “Not as much as finding your team in the waiting room did.”

He actually gasped, his mouth dropping into a shocked ‘O’ as he stared at you in mild horror. “Oh no. I – I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t even think about that. I didn’t mean to throw you to them like that –“

“Spencer it’s okay,” you laughed. “It wasn’t what we’d talked about but I liked meeting them. Although apparently they were making bets about why you kept ducking out of things with them.”

He frowned, an adorable pout coming over his face. “They do that a lot. And they give [me] a hard time for being from Vegas…”

With a laugh, you finally let go of his arm and reached up, cupping his face with both your hands and pulling him down into a kiss. He hummed against your lips, the hand on your cheek sliding into your hair to hold you to him. Your lips moved against one another softly, tongues brushing briefly before you broke apart to keep from going farther.

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” you said softly, letting your fingers slide over his face to sweep his hair back behind his ears. “Did you catch the guy that did this?”

He nodded, a hint of pride in his soft brown eyes as he gave you a smile. “I did, actually. We managed to stop him before he killed a teen, and even did it without him taking his own life. He cut into me instead of his neck. It was close.”

You knew how bad that must’ve shaken him. Spencer had told you his hardest cases were the ones he had to watch someone take their life, almost more so than the cases with kids. To hear he’d been the hero warmed you to your core, and you knew exactly what would make him even happier.

“It’s funny, I was just telling June about how brave Dr. Reid was, and you go and prove me right.”

As expected, Spencer’s face lit up with a smile at that and he sat up a little taller. “You told her I was brave?”

“I did,” you confirmed. “And it’s been decided that she’s Bilbo, I’m Gandalf, and you’re Thorin.”

“I’m Thorin?” he asked in surprise, and you gave an eager nod. “Why?”

“According to June, you’re smart, nice, and clever. She’s a pretty perceptive first grader.”

Of all the things you loved about Spencer, his genuine humility was one of his best qualities. You knew he didn’t see himself for the incredible man he truly was, and watching the soft blush on his cheeks at June’s compliment warmed your heart even further.

Before you could sweet talk your boyfriend any further, though, you heard commotion in the hallway. The rest of Spencer’s team all piled into the room, with Derek in the lead, a phone to his ear.

“Oh yeah, baby girl. I’ve got him right here. I’ll let him tell you why he kept his girlfriend from us for five months.”

Spencer’s eyes widened as Derek held out the phone; he shook his head and Derek gave a deadpan frown. When Spencer refused again, his friend stepped up and pressed the phone to his face.

“No, Morgan, I don’t – oh, uh, hey Garcia –“

You could hear the squeaking of a very upset woman on the other end and you laughed along with the team as JJ and Emily came up on either side of you.

“So, (Y/N), how does dinner with the team Saturday night sound?” Emily mused, and JJ elaborated,

“We have about six months of embarrassing Reid to make up for, and Rossi makes a mean lasagna. You in?”

“Oh, I’m definitely in,” you laughed, catching Spencer’s eye as he rambled off a desperate apology to the phone in Derek’s hand. He raised his brows to you, silently asking, is this okay?

The smile and wink you gave him assured that yes, this was better than okay. This was as close to perfect as meeting someone’s family would ever get.

[my-writings-and-musings]

hey! so idk if you write platonic relationships but if you do, could you write something about whirl asking someone to be his amica endura? i just. i need more whirl love in my life and GODDAMN i love the way you write him sm gshdjf,,, thank you!! <33

I miiiiggghhht have gone a little overboard on this one and made it more of a short story than an answer... But I hope you like it! Thank you so much for the compliment, I do try my best to write Whirley well!

Whirl doesn't like to let fear boss him around. Ordinarily that's easy enough to accomplish, he's a big bot and threatening his life is a great way to end yours, and any threat he can't kill (for moral or legal reasons) can usually be ignored out of existence. As a result he's had very little to be afraid of these past few millennia, and he's even perfected his reflexes to the point he can quickly judge what reaction is warranted whenever that creeping feeling returns, meaning it never lasts more than a few minutes tops. It's a solid strategy, and the proof is that he's outlived everyone who's ever doubted it. Most of them, anyway. He's been getting sloppy since this whole quest thing.

Or more specifically, since he met you on this quest thing. The quest thing that's becoming less about the quest and more about the real treasure you've all gained along the way, which for once isn't the (many) guns he's found or the (countless) bad guy corpses he's left in the rearview mirrors.

Nope. It's you. The squishiest little air breather his optic has ever beheld, and darn the saps on this crew for rubbing off on him, because he wants to go out of his way to let you know that. Their silly insistence on honesty has made him feel like you need to know what you mean to him, and isn't that just ridiculous?

But if it's so ridiculous why was he scared? Because you could say no, damn it! You'd be silly not to! It was one thing for you to hang out with the ship's resident screw up and part time nutjob, maybe even have a drink with him, and sure you'd actually called him your friend and the two of you had looked death in the eye to insult its cataracts on more than one occasion together... But to officially declare to the crew and the universe you were Amica Endura and that you actually liked him?

You'd be mortified he even thought it was okay to ask, obviously. Then you'd wisely cut all ties and pretend you didn't know him, and he'd be left with... well, not nothing, but not much above nothing either. Worse actually now that he considered it, he'd probably be left with pain. The kind of pain you only got when you lost something, a particular experience he'd spent a very long time trying to ensure he'd never have to endure again, and he'd been doing pretty well until you showed up. But he wasn't mad at you, he was mad at himself, both for having the audacity to grow feelings and then getting soft enough to actually acknowledge them like a sap.

But facing fear was far better than the alternative. If he kept on pretending you were just another chum, that you didn't deserve the title of Amica for what you meant to him, then he'd have guilt. More guilt, to be specific, and he was already fully stocked on that. So... fear it was then. Fear and the inevitable pain that would follow when you did the only sane thing you could.

But hey, what was another mistake in the pile, right?

You'd been in your room by yourself, just relaxing an perusing the wonders of interstellar Wi-Fi, when he'd decided there literally couldn't be a better time. Some bots insisted that a proper ceremony required witnesses, but those bots couldn't judge him if there were no witnesses, now could they? Checkmate, seeing as how the two of you would definitely never speak to each other again after this... His claws had knocked on the door with as little force as he could muster, some part of him hoping you wouldn't hear and he'd have a reason to retreat, but as usual he also had to open his mouth and ruin that plan.

"Hey, Y/N, you uh... you alive in there?"

Approximating a facepalm as best he could without either half of the required components, his spark dropped when you replied with a good natured laugh, probably thinking he was just being his usual self and not making much sense. Which was true, just not in the usual way...

You'd happily opened the door with a command on your data pad, inviting him to come in and relax because you weren't up to anything anyway. Claws clacking together nervously, he'd entered with an unconvincing veneer of calm, far too worried to really pretend otherwise. Long legs carry him with slow steps, and he can't help but survey your room; he's certain this is the last time he'll ever see it. Your tiny belongings looking so ridiculously small in the Cybertronian sized living space, the ladders that have been welded to everything, gosh, is it foggy in here or is that just some emotional turmoil in his optic?

"Whirl? Are you okay?"

Of course not, but thanks for asking is what he wants to say, but a more accurate reply would involve him mentioning how things were actually really okay for a while... Until he'd started messing it all up, a process he'd be finishing up now so you could both move on with your lives.

"Oh... that's a matter of debate." He finally brings himself to say, claws firmly pinched to prevent him from any further tapping. You look more concerned than baffled, which is nice. Somehow you'd always managed to look past what he said to understand what he means. That's something he'll miss, once he finally manages to get this over with. Of course his voicebox is pitching a fit and refusing to cooperate, but it's going to be a simple series of steps once he gets it going. He'll ask you to be Amica, you'll refuse, and then he leaves. It's such a simple plan that even he can't find something to blow up in the process. Not for lack of trying, mind you...

"Is there something you need? You've been a little off lately." You said, putting aside your data pad to move to the edge of the berth. It hadn't escaped your notice that the usually loud mech had been growing quiet around you as of late, his one optic looking almost forlornly in your direction when he thought you were focused elsewhere, and so you sat and let your legs dangle off the berth to let him know you were listening. His antenna twitched backwards like a startled ear on a mammal.

"Me? Well, I'd be inclined to say..." Some half attempt at a joke died before it even could be set up, and he quickly decided the stalling had gone on long enough. If he had to endure one more second of gnawing apprehension he was going to have to destroy something exceptionally expensive to shake off the nerves, and he had just gotten his room the way he liked it. Better to go down with some dignity if he could. "You're spot on, actually. I've been off because I've got something I've gotta get off my chassis, but it's not gonna be fun for either of us. Still needs to be done though, ain't that a shame?"

Any other person on the ship would have been terrified if he'd said that to them. They'd have expected some kind of terrible bodily injury, no doubt, but you knew him better than that. You knew that if he wanted to hurt anyone it would happen as soon as he entered a room, and with something way more intimidating to kick off the fun. Instead your expression was just thoughtful, concerned, and only a little confused. "I... if it upsets you then yeah, but why do you have to do it?"

"Do you know what an Amica is?" He blurted out, the words almost hurting as they came into being. It felt like he had just struck another match, surrounded himself with fuel, and this time there'd be no interruptions.

"Amica?"

"There an echo in here?" He said dryly, unable to help jumping on the chance for an old classic. Apologetically lowering his optics, he released a quick bit of air from his vents in imitation of a cough. "Yeah, that, know what it is?"

"Sure, it's like... best friends, only way deeper, bound for life." You said, recalling it amongst the many Cybertronian terms you'd been learning these past few months. It had obviously had cultural implications and connections you just didn't have the experience to understand, but the importance of the practice had been abundantly clear from the moment you first heard of it. Chief among the things you'd been able to determine was that it carried no less weight than being a Conjunx, it was just a different kind of love.

He clicked his claws together in an imitation of an affirming snap. "That's the one. It's tough to explain to aliens, but that's the basic rundown, and there's a whole ceremony to it and everything. Did you know that?" He appreciated that you only shook your head and looked back to him for an explanation, it made it quite clear you were intent on listening as much as possible. "A bot has to ask the one who's less likely to ask, and they get to say yes or no during the ceremony. I'd imagine by now you've figured out I came here to ask you to be my Amica, start the ceremony and everything, only thing stopping me is I... just don't want to."

It was the first time he'd surprised you in a long time. There had been... well, you'd been fairly certain he was leading up to something else there, and had just been nervous. You had to repeat back what he'd said in a question for clarification. "You don't want to ask me?"

"What? No! Don't put words in the mouth I don't have!" He replied vigorously, taking a step closer to your berth and throwing up his arms in total consternation. Upon seeing your comforting near smile of reasurance, he drops his claws and holds them near his face, a gesture he typically only performs when anxious. Thoughts are beginning to run wild in his head, so he knows he'll have to wrap this up before they sidetrack him, or he'll never get it done. Bless your little fleshy fuel pump for wanting to comfort him, but there just isn't time for that. "What I'm trying to get across here, or say or whatever, is that I want to but I shouldn't..."

"Ah... why shouldn't you? Does me being a human make it... illegal?" You ask, finally getting an inkling as to what's going on. As usual, his burying of the lede means you're far less shocked than you should be now that he's actually getting to the point, but you want to use that to stay calm. Whirl has been a dear friend to you, as protective as could be from the moment he decided he liked you. The least you can do is be what he needs by letting him talk things out in a way that works for him, even if it feels so much easier to cut to the chase; you'd love to be his Amica no matter the hurdles.

"You and I both know that would only make it better. Illegal friendship? Sounds more like an endorsement than a deterrent to me." It's hard for him not to laugh at the very idea. If this was actually against some law? Oh, how very different things would be... Somehow he'd feel okay then, perhaps because this would just be another of his crazy ideas, and not something sentimental and completely irreconcilable with who he was. Previously upright antenna drooped low at the disappointment. "But... no, no such luck. It's not illegal for me to ask you, just stupid, because you're going to say no."

Suddenly so many things made sense, but in the shock of sadness that followed you couldn't help but speak, your own disappointment showing through. "I am?"

"Well of course you are! That little pink glob between your ears is smart enough to know better! If you were most saps, sure, you'd probably say yes because oooh friendship, but the fact that you're sensible enough to say no is exactly why I want to ask!" He replied, sounding emphatic instead of angry. Despite being a master at appearing mad for the sake of self defense, he can't bring himself to appear anything but... sad. Every part of him is wilting from the sadness that's clocking in early. Because you have to say no, that's just how this works, and his resignation to that fact is clear no matter how badly he wishes it wasn't true. "Believe me, I know what smart looks like. I know what sensible looks like. Most people have a terrible deficit of the two, but not... not you. That's what makes you worth asking, and also worth saying no. Weird, huh?"

Your heart is breaking, somewhat for you, but mostly for him. Did he really think he was unworthy of friendship? Of any kind of love? Clearly you were his best friend, but in the fog of self loathing clouding his vision, he's convinced himself that it has to end now that he truly feels he isn't alone. "Whirl..."

Venting in sharply, like a human sucking in a breath to hold off tears, he perks up and gestures a claw back over his shoulder. "Look, I'm just going to save us both some drama and skip to the part where you kick me out. Since I'm nice, I'll even pretend you're big enough to actually do it. I'll throw myself into the hallway and everything, really seal-"

"Whirl." You say softly, knowing that yelling won't help but desperate to keep him from leaving. It works, but he pretends to be interested in the floor, crouching like he's preemptively flinching away from a hit. It's not the first time you've seen him do this. Coming to understand the big bot had been more natural for you than most, but had still taken effort, and in all the trial and error you'd learned he just needed things phrased a little differently. Thus, you decided to give what you'd learned a final trial.

"Can I at least... actually get a chance to say no?"

It was just indirect enough to immediately catch his attention, but his wounded look remained unchanged, like he didn't dare hope.

"Any particular reason why?" He asked, tilting his helm as if you've piqued his interest with a daring and devilish scheme. There's a lot going on behind his optic, but you're unflinching as he levies it back on you, smiling to emphasize you have nothing to hide.

"It's... well, it's not really fair for you to decide something for me, is it? Even if you know what the answer will be, shouldn't I get the chance to make that choice myself in the moment?"

He clacks his claws together to imitate snapping fingers. "Damn it all, you're a clever little fleshy, I'll give you that. Appealing to my peerless sense of justice for self determination to get your way." The mask of neutrality is razor thin, and beneath it he's anything but calm. None of this is going the way he planned. Far from casting him out, you're encouraging him to go through with this, but why? You can't actually plan to say yes, so why all this fuss? It's not in you to set him up, but he can't bring himself to hope he has a chance at the impossible... So he just plays along like it's all a game, albeit a very sad one, and one he intends to play carelessly. "If you... I'll give you the way to say no and the way to say yes, okay? That way you'll... really mean it when you say no."

"I promise I'll mean it." You say, wishing so badly he'd believe you wanted his friendship. It'd be so much easier than coordinating with him to give you a chance to accept his Amica proposal. Yet you know his manner of processing can't be argued with, so instead you just keep going, praying he'll let you have a chance to show how much you care. "But I need to know how it all works."

"Well, I'll say some fancy words, show my spark, all that mushy stuff most folks love." He waves his claws about, as if to brush away the silliness of the ceremony right there. The idea of baring a spark surprises you, but you keep quiet, focused only on getting through to the part he's convinced himself won't happen. Even as he continues his pessimistic prediction is obvious in his tone. "Then, when I've said my piece and pause, you just say "I refuse" and it's all over, we don't have to talk again, I'll leave and..."

If you were close enough you'd have laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but thankfully your silent look of encouragement does the job, and he overlaps his wrists whilst looking away.

"But if you were going to say yes, hypothetically, then after my pause you just go quiet and... put your little digits on mine... Then repeat after me when I say "today, tomorrow and always" to wrap it up. But since that isn't happening, let's just get this over with, eh?"

It's the flattest one of his jokes has ever fallen. For all his skill keeping his feelings reigned in, even he can't prevent a little bit of intimidation slipping through. It's impossible not to be afraid, because he wants so badly to hope, but he knows what happens when he does... Still, he wants to at least get it over with, and he gathers himself just as you give your final encouragement with a smile.

"Lets."

Clearing his vents, it occurs to him that he's never been more self conscious than he is right now, which is an unfortunate feeling to prelude him baring his spark.

The soft glow fills the room as he shifts back his chest plating, revealing the orb of his "soul" as you'd once called it, and he internally admits that your quiet expression of awe gives him the boost he needs to start. "I bid you stand in the glow of my spark... so um, that you may feel the heat of my words and k-know them to be true."

It's arguably one of the only times he's ever stuttered, and while you don't react, he's never felt more foolish. Was it not enough for him to make a spectacle out of himself just by doing this? Did he really have to butcher the whole process too? Feeling dizzy, he forces his voicebox to try and start making words again. He's painfully aware of how ridiculous he looks; one eyed, mangled screw up trying to be sentimental... But darn it all, he made a commitment. Putting his claws beside his spark, he kept going into what he knew would be a bitter end.

"I invite you to receive my light and in doing so become my Amica Endura—from now until forever."

He doesn't realize he's at the end until he runs out of words. The fear and helplessness that follow are akin to the level he'd experience falling off a cliff with no flight to save him, and for an eternity he's left floundering in anticipation of the impact. This is supposed to be it, the moment you turn him away and rightfully go forward in life, better off for having left him. But you're quiet. Your words of dismissal aren't forthcoming, and your soft and somewhat sad little smile doesn't indicate that he should expect them. But why not?! Why won't you say them?! What could you possibly hope to gain by accepting?

You hardly dare to breathe as you wait for him to begin the next phase. The glow of his spark illuminates everything, allowing you to see the fear in every inch of his being, particularly his lone expressive optic. He doesn't want to believe you're saying yes, as much as he treasures you, he just can't believe you'd ever feel the same about him. But you do, and you try to communicate that with every fiber of your being. You want to be friends with him through anything that may come, and you pray that he can see the depth of your conviction in your eyes.

Something like a hiccup shakes his shoulders. You haven't refused him. It's been almost a minute, the light of his spark fluttering as the sheer power of his emotions coursed through it, namely his disbelief that any of this could be real. Something like relief but a million times stronger makes his vents hitch. He's still processing the turn of events when he remembers he has more to say.

"Ah... Y/N... for you... um... for your acceptance..." He croaks, trying to keep an accursed tear from leaving his optic by briefly tilting back his helm. You're similiarly affected, but you let yourself sniffle and shed a few tears as he approaches with his claws out to you. They're big enough that even a semblance of holding hands isn't really possible, but you grab the tip of each and squeeze regardless, knowing the sentiment is still quite clear. You're his friend, and you always will be, through thick and thin. Now he's finally starting to see that too.

He doesn't fully have a grasp on the fact that this is real, but he doesn't care about that as much as he should. You were his Amica Endura, his dearest friend, and you somehow liked him enough that all the baggage was worth it. With one of your tiny hands on each of his clawtips, he finished the ceremony. Each word felt light as a feather when he spoke it. "As you are to me, may I be to you—today, tomorrow, and always."

"Today, tomorrow, and always." You echo, meaning it with everything you are. There's no grand finale, but the emotion in his optic and quivering antenna is more impressive than any supernova. He doesn't seem to want to pull his claws away as he shifts his chest plating back into position, and you're happy to oblige, keeping a solid hold on his claws as if your tiny body is his lifeline.

"You didn't say no." He says as the glow of his spark disappears. It's a tone for a statement but he obviously wants it to be a question, and he only keeps it from being one because he's still too overwhelmed to ask that many yet.

You can't help but sniffle as you try to sound confident. "Of course I didn't."

"We're still friends." He says softly, closing his claws together so incredibly gently around your hands, letting the two of you be a little more connected as he marvels at his luck. Of all the squishies in the galaxy, this trip had led him to you, the one who made him happier than anything. Despite all sense you loved him, and he loves you back, and the two of you would get to keep on adventuring after this. You smile as you repeat your vow to make your dedication clear.

"Today, tomorrow, and always."

Those words strike a tender chord in his still sensitive spark, for you to believe them so confidently you'll repeat them with ease, and he's promoted to react on a whim.

"Can we hug?"

"Hug?"

"Is there an ech-" The rapid fire reflex of a joke fades out in the face of his genuine and unheard of desire for a bit of tender contact. Releasing your hands, he opens his arms to make his point clear, and is delighted when you start nodding even before he's done asking. "Yes, if you don't mind... okay? Okay."

It's more of a hug for you than him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you nuzzle against his helm to show affection, feeling him wrap as much of his gangly frame around you as possible without risking any kind of damage. While this may not be the first time he's initiated something like this, it's one of very few rare occasions, and thus you know this is special. You can feel how badly he wants the comfort through the ease he shows at your touch.

"You want to stay like this for a bit?" You ask gingerly, getting settled so you can stay comfortable for a few minutes cuddled up to him.

"Mhmm." He says softly, admitting to himself that hugs might actually be worth the fuss after all. Tiny hands reassuringly pat his shoulder, encouraging him to stay in place while he basks in this single perfect moment. He hadn't dared to hope you'd still be friends after this, but here you were, your little body holding and comforting him as if he wasn't several times your size. Funny thing, that fate, eh?

"Take your time."

"Y/N?" He whispers softly into the quiet, wanting to say one final thing before taking a few minutes to enjoy your company.

"Hm?"

There's a tiny pause before he holds you close with one final statement.

"Thanks."

[nbrook29]

So a few weeks ago, @foxsake5 sent me one of those dialogue prompts, and at the time I wasn’t taking them anymore but since she’s the sweetest I just couldn’t say no 😌💖

I’m sorry for the wait, I hope this isn’t awful :)

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen:

159. [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

***

The hopes he had late last night of waking up with all his symptoms miraculously gone vanish seconds after he wakes up and gets aware of his surroundings. 

His head still feels like it’s full of cotton, eyes sting and itch at the same time, and his nose being all stuffy is the proverbial cherry on top of his misery. Before he can fully grasp this truly pathetic situation he’s in, he feels the beginnings of a sneezing fit brewing in his nostrils and sure enough, a moment later all hell breaks loose.

When he finally finishes, his chest aches with the effort and he drops his head back onto the pillow, whining at the unfairness of it all. 

Every year, it’s the same story. Spring comes, trees and flowers release tiny grains to fertilize other plants and Robbe is doomed. He’s so fucking doomed. April barely arrives and he turns into a sneezing, itching, coughing, swollen mess. It’s not pretty. Far from it actually. 

He curses himself for being stupid and believing he was cured after last year’s very mild case. Thinking about it now, it was probably due to being forced to stay in the house for the entire month more than anything. All his hopes of battling this fucking thing forever are now officially gone. His disappointment is immeasurable, his day is ruined.

And, Sander’s not here.

Why is he not here.

Why isn’t he lovingly stroking his brow to ease his sinuses pressure like he did last night.

He’s gonna have to have a serious conversation with his boyfriend because this is just unacceptable behavior.

Tugging the duvet tighter around himself to prevent the chilliness of the room from touching on his toasty warm body, he reaches for his phone. When Sander’s beautiful face welcomes him from his screen background, he yearns for his comforting presence even more. Yes, he’s being a tad dramatic, but sick Robbe has always been a drama queen, needing care and attention. Mama Ijzermans always laughs at him, saying he turns into a five year old when down with a runny nose. There may be a bit of truth to that statement, Robbe is a man enough to admit that. He just really hates having to blow his nose every ten seconds and all that, okay? Sue him.

Just as he’s about to start typing, his eye catches something flickering in the sunlight on Sander’s pillow. Frowning, he shifts closer to inspect it and discovers sprinkles of glitter covering the bottom half, and it’s honestly barely detectable, but for Robbe’s skilled eye it’s no hardship. 

Weird. Unless he somehow missed the fact that Sander turns into a sparkly unicorn every night at midnight in the last year and a half, there’s no reasonable explanation for glitter being in his bed.

He decides to leave it be for the time being and goes back to the job at hand.

R: Where are u and why aren’t u here 

S: Hello to you too, love of my life, light of my day 

R: ☹️

S: I had to run home cause I forgot I promised my mum I'll be there when the couch delivery comes

R: That's a very elaborate excuse for you abandonning me

I won’t hold it against you if you decided to leave me after being faced with my gross snotty self :(

S: You’re not gross

R: I don’t believe you

S: Okay you’re a tiny bit gross rn but I'm not afraid of your snot 💪🏻

I'll be back in 40 minutes x

R: I'll try to survive til then 🥺

I miss you 🥺

I need your cuddles 🥺

I miss your fingers in my hair, my head hurts less then 🤧

S: You're so sweet when you're all sniffly 😂

R: That's cause I need you to get your butt here faster

S: I'll try my best

R: Okay :(

Hey sander?

S: Yeah?

R: My bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall

S: 😶

R: Why is there glitter in my bed

S: Idk

R: I hate glitter

S: Maybe it's the allergies making you see things

R: 😠 what did u do why is there glitter in my bed????

S: Gotta go the delivery guy is here love youuu 

R: SANDER!!!

***

When he wakes up next time his head is still stuffed, but the feeling of warmth coming off Sander’s body and his hand playing with his hair makes it that much bearable. Scooching closer, he wraps his arm around his waist and buries his face into his black t-shirt, hoping the graphical form of Freddie Mercury in the front of it won’t mind much if he messes it with his runny nose by accident.

“I bought croissants on my way over, and there’s hot lemon tea waiting for you in the kitchen. Do you feel like getting up?” Sander asks in a gentle tone, hand stilling where it felt so good on Robbe’s scalp.

And no, he doesn’t really feel like it. So he decides to use the power of his eyes on Sander and rests his chin on his chest, giving him a pleading look that he knows his boyfriend is far from being immune to. 

“Bring it here?”

Sander regards him for a second like he’s searching for a strength inside him to say no to him, but very quickly he gives up, head shaking at himself as his fingers resume the ministrations in Robbe’s hair.

He lets out a deep sigh. “I’m such a pushover, aren’t I?” And Robbe knows he won because there’s a smile tugging at Sander’s lips and a moment later, he disentangles himself from Robbe’s grabby arms, heading to the kitchen for their breakfast.

They eat in bed, sitting side by side, shoulders brushing as they keep reaching for the goodies on the tray balanced on Sander’s thighs. Robbe has his feet tucked under his calves, his extra clinginess during sick time coming out in all force, but Sander doesn’t comment on it, just smiles and kisses his temple, looking like he doesn’t mind to be his personal teddy bear for the time being. He lets Robbe lie half on top of him when they watch silly youtube videos and draws mindless patterns on his back as his arm is probably asleep from being stuck in the same position. His fingers make goosebumps rise all over Robbe’s body and he must be thinking the shiver is the result of cold because he then meticulously tucks the comforter around him, making sure Robbe is burrito-like and safe from cold.

It’s the first time Robbe has been somewhat under the weather since they got together and he melts at every caress and gentle touch that Sander provides without even thinking about it and just in general being this five star on booking.com thoughtful boyfriend.

So yeah, Sander is passing this when-in-sickness exam with flying colors, Robbe thinks, as he leaves a few kisses on what looks like Freddie Mercury’s hair, reveling in Sander’s content sigh.

It’s an all around peaceful afternoon, except when the peace is occasionally broken with sneezing, blowing (only nose, damn it) and groaning in displeasure. Sander is taking it all like a champ, teasing him only a little and handing tissue after tissue, his face twisting at the grossness of Robbe’s state only a few times. Mostly, he just squeezes him tighter, scratches his back in that way he likes, kisses the pout out of his face despite the gross factor and makes him a fresh tea. 

He even cooks him a soup when Robbe naps out of things he finds in Robbe’s mom fridge, leaving Robbe himself gaping at him in astonishment, more so when the soup actually turns out good, because he had no idea Sander could cook something more than croques. 

The confession earns him a light jab in the ribs, light because Sander is still considerate of his state, but jab indeed because he will not stand for Robbe disbelief in his cooking skills, hell no. Robbe then keeps moaning in pleasure at the taste of every single spoon of the tomato soup to show his gratitude (and because it’s really good) and Sander rolls his eyes at him, but there’s a pleased smile on his face that lets Robbe know his ruffled feathers have been smoothed.

When they get back to just simply lounging around in bed with Robbe breathing (wheezing) loudly as he plays with Sander’s fingers, he remembers something.

Propping his head with his hand, he narrows his eyes at Sander. “So what about that glitter?”

The guilty look that immediately blooms on Sander’s face leaves him with no doubt that it was his fault. He thumps his chest in frustration.

“I’m sorry! I just, I was kinda bored after you fell asleep so fast last night, and, um, I bought some new paints yesterday,” he explains, wincing at Robbe’s growing frown. He scratches his head before he continues as if to delay the fallout. “And I wanted to try them out a bit and some of them might have contained, um, glitter in them?” he ends in a squeaky voice, waiting for Robbe to blow up, because he’s well aware of his burning hate for glitter. 

It’s like herpes. Once it’s on you, it never goes away.

“I can change the sheets later?” Sander adds wide-eyed, buttering him up as he leans in to kiss him once, twice, three times, until the scoff on Robbe’s lips melts completely. 

He could get mad, but Sander has been so sweet today and he’s looking so apologetic now, like he’s actually afraid Robbe may throw him out the door for this unfortunate incident of bringing that abomination into his house. The idea is so ridiculous it makes him giggle, and at first, Sander’s confused, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when Robbe doesn’t stop, he scoffs at him and pouts.

“Ugh, you made me believe you’re gonna yell at me and put a ban on sex for a month or something, jerk.” 

He folds his arms all petulant as Robbe keeps rolling in bed, laughing, but then the sneezing fit abruptly stops Robbe’s fun and he sits up straight, letting out one sneeze after another, losing count after the eighth one. He thinks he got to twenty in the end, his new record, and when it’s finally over he feels so miserable and achy he doesn’t feel like laughing anymore. His eyes are so watery it feels like they’re gonna spill out any second now, nose rubbed so red it’s painful to even breathe and cheeks burning hot from the congestion.

Sander keeps handing him tissues, holding the waste bin in his other hand, and Robbe must look really awful because all signs of sulking are gone from his now sympathetic face as he gathers him into his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his hair as Robbe hides his face in the crook of his neck to keep his frustration tears at bay.

Sander is graceful enough to not say anything when a few escape anyway.

“Maybe you should see a doctor, huh?” he suggests after a while, hand stroking Robbe’s arm. “Maybe he will give you something?”

Robbe shakes his head, his voice raspy when he replies. “It’s no use, the doctor is gonna give me stuff that’s gonna make me drowsy. I just need to get over those first few days, it always gets better afterwards.”

He gets a lingering peck to his forehead. “Okay.” 

“Thanks for being so amazing.” Robbe looks at him with sincerity from under his droopy lids, thumb sweeping under his eye in caressing motion. Sander just smiles, shaking his head a little as if Robbe’s gratitude is silly.

“You’re always there for me when the situation is reversed, right?”

And they both know he’s not talking about allergies, of course he’s not. No more words are necessary as Robbe considers him for a few seconds, love shining in his bloodshot eyes before he shifts closer to place a kiss on his chin and then snuggles to him as close as humanly possible, his heart full when Sander does the same.

Robbe’s eyes sting too much for them to keep watching anything on their phones, but they’re also too lazy to get up and actually do something and they’re not yet hungry enough to think about preparing dinner. So to kill time, Sander quizzes him about Bowie and his lyrics, the year and a half of them being a couple pretty much skyrocketing Robbe’s knowledge about this man, so he knows the answers to 3/4 of the questions, Sander's eyes gleaming with pride as he pretends to wipe the imaginary tear making Robbe giggle and forget about his state for a while.

Eventually, Sander’s calming and sweet like honey voice lulls him to sleep, and the last thing he registers as he’s losing the fight to keep his eyes open is Sander chuckling as he promises him quietly to paint him in all of the intense colors of those glittery paints he owns soon and there’s nothing he can do to stop him.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Someone Who, Like it Or Not, Will Want You to Share a Little a Lot

BEING ALIVE Chapter 9

PREVIOUS CHAPTER   

A/N: This is my submission for @thatesqcrush​ kink bingo square praise!kink. Also this chapter went a lot different than I originally planned but it just hit me like a ton of bricks so I hope it’s clear what I’m going for. IDK time to flip the script a little! Also if you saw this posted and disappear it’s because tumblr hates me ok sorry

Content Warning: Smut (ahah) and vague mentions of past abuse (if you’ve been reading the story you know)

Word Count: 5k (sorry lol)

(also how did I never see this gif before fuck me)

“I got you something,” Rafael says. You’re in his office for a lunch break, making sure he eats the salad you’d made for him. Sometimes he still hates you. When you try and shove lettuce down his throat, well, that’s one of those times. But he knows it’s for his own good, like most things you do with him in mind.

“Ooh, we’re doing birthday gifts already?“ you ask, kissing his cheek. "I figured I’d see you later… you’re coming to the restaurant, right? I really don’t think Sonny knows what ‘surprise’ means, but hey. It’s nice of him and the squad.”

“Yes. I know all about it. He hasn’t left me alone for the past two weeks.”

“Nice to know someone cares about me,” you tease, and Rafael rolls his eyes.

“Well, anyway, I figured I’d see you at lunch today, so I brought this one thing with me. I wanted you to wear it tonight. Don’t worry, cariño, you have plenty of other gifts waiting for you at my place.”

“I told you not to go all out. I’m only turning 26. 35 is the next big one.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “35? I thought it was 30?”

"No. I think 30 will be just another one. Everyone makes it a big deal because it ends in a 0, but I don’t think it is. 35 is where the line is crossed. That’s when you’re officially middle-aged,” you say, grinning a little.

“Jesus, so what am I? Ancient?”

“No. You’re still middle-aged,” you giggle. “You’re getting there, though.”

“Mm. Right. Remind me why I spent money on you again?”

“Because…” you drawl, pulling him in by his tie to press your lips to his. And oh, it’s a mesmerizing kiss, like most of them are: one of your hands moves to the back of his head, pulling him in ever closer, and you’re slipping your tongue in his mouth, the acidic tinge of the vinaigrette you had been eating just the jolt he needed to get him to grasp for you. His hands slip under your shirt, earning a gasp from you, but Rafael remembers he’s in his office and the shades aren’t drawn and keeps his hands on your waist. You’re not close enough; you’re never close enough. “That’s why. Right?”

“Right. I forgot,” he snickers, pecking your lips. “Do you want your present or not?”

“Of course, honey.”

So he gets up and pulls out a jewelry box from his desk drawer, taking a deep breath, unsure of why he was so nervous. He smiles awkwardly, walking back over to the table and handing it to you.

“Open it, cariño.”

You do, your hands shaking a little as you unlatch the box, revealing a simple, delicate gold chain with an emerald pendant attached to it. You don’t say anything, your eyes watering as you look up at him.

“Do you not like it?” he asks, cursing himself. He should’ve asked you to pick something else out.

“Rafael, I can’t accept this. How much money was this? I can’t…”

“It doesn’t matter. I bought it for you, and I want you to have it. Do you like it, (y/n)?”

“I love it, Rafael, but it’s too much… I told you not to spend too much.”

Who was counting? He wasn’t above sharing his wealth that he’d worked to accrue. It was nice to be able to give, sometimes, and that was the expectation, wasn’t it? It was your birthday, he was your boyfriend, and he would be damned if he was outdone by anyone on the squad tonight.

"Just let me give this to you. Please,” he says. “And don’t cry.” God, you were always crying. Too much. You were an emotional person, and internalized everything, good or bad. He’d have to talk you out of ways you put yourself down frequently, but lately he’s been finding it hard to be bothered by it, because you’d smile after he smoothed out the knots in your mind, and kiss him like you meant it. “Stand up. Let me put it on.”

“Okay,” you whisper, nodding and getting up. “This is the nicest thing…anyone’s ever bought for me. Don’t think I don’t want it, Rafael, I do, but it’s… I was shocked at first. I don’t want to put you out.”

"Shh,” he says, taking the necklace out of the box and pushing your hair aside. He kisses the back of your neck, placing the necklace on your skin and clasping the hook.

“I like the pendant,” you say, fingering it between your pointer finger and thumb. “It reminds me of your eyes. Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. I’m not in the habit of buying jewelry, really. I never had anyone to buy anything for, so I didn’t know…”

“You have good taste,” you say, turning around and smiling, but then your face falls a little. “But… Rafael… how long?”

“How long what?”

“How long did you live like that? Alone? I mean, after Yelina, did you ever get that close again?”

He sighs, leaning against the table. He doesn’t want to divulge this, but at the same time he feels like he has to share. “There was a man. I was… 35,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “But we didn’t work out. Guess I didn’t get the memo that that’s when I was supposed to have my shit together. And I just… I just gave up after that. I had flings, but never got that close again.”

"Honey, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I was only joking about the middle-age thing—“

Rafael waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, (y/n).”

“You sure?”

“Mm,” he says, putting an arm around your shoulder.

“Eight years is a long time, though.”

"It is… and if I ever seem distant, I don’t mean to be. I’m just used to being alone.”

“I don’t want you to ever get used to that again, honey,” you say, leaning against the table next to him. “You get used to me being here. Soy tuyo y… eres mio.”

He kisses you then, urgently. God, you were going to start talking to him in Spanish now? Even if all you knew was elementary level, he was a goner.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on that thought, because Carisi’s knocking on the door. “Sorry to interrupt, Counselor, but I need to borrow the birthday girl,” he says, smiling brightly in that annoying way he always did. “We need her more than you right now.”

"What happened? I told Olivia an hour,” you ask, taking Rafael’s hand in your own as he pulls away from your mouth.

“Yeah, well, you know you can ask for an hour… but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna get it. She told me to come pick you up. We got a lead, and if you wanna get out by dinner…”

You roll your eyes at Sonny, then glance at Rafael. "Looks like I have to cut this short. Bye, honey,” you say, kissing him. “Make sure you eat your salad.”

“Yeah, Barba. Gotta get those greens in,” Carisi chuckles as you both give him a look. “What? It’s cute that you worry about his health. My ma, she’s always on my father about taking his meds, and she cooks for him, makes sure he goes for walks.”

“Well, I can’t have Rafael dying on me,” you say, putting on your coat. “I’d miss him too much.” You flash Rafael a smile, heading out with Carisi’s arm around your shoulder.

Sometimes he still feels a pang in his chest when he sees you with Carisi. Things seemed so easy between the two of you, so simple, like you’d been friends for decades as opposed to the months Carisi had been on the SVU. And Carisi was still annoying, God, the man never shut up about anything, and his off-color comments were more than eyebrow-raising at times. In some ways, Carisi was your work-husband, and Rafael supposes that’s to be expected. Partners got close, maybe even closer than some legal marriages.

Another reason why it was a sham. Right? Just because you didn’t have a ring on your finger or his last name didn’t mean you weren’t close to him.

But you could always be closer. Too close for comfort. Wake up next to him every day, brush your teeth in the bathroom next to him while he shaves, argue with him about not taking the trash out on time or something equally mundane. Sounds like hell. Sounds like monotony. Sounds like settling, maybe more on your part than his.

Because who would be able to marry you and call that settling?

Aside from the fact that marriage was always a risk for settling - because what are the odds you pick the right stranger off the streets of New York to bind yourself to for the rest of your life? Another hundred people were always getting off trains, getting on buses, leaving crowded streets to catch planes into or out of this city.

Rafael, though, he was always staying in the same place.

And, even though it may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things, the fact remains that somewhere on some paper in that precinct, your name is next to Carisi’s, billing you as partners. There was no such record of you and Rafael anywhere, not even a Facebook status. And that? From a legal standpoint, if one wanted to be crude, you two were nothing more than friends who fucked. Even if you did live together (which you didn’t) common law marriage wasn’t legal in New York.

So. Legally, if you went down that convoluted path, maybe you were closer to Carisi.

Rafael isn’t sure what to think about that. He’s over the jealousy; it’s been long enough now that he trusts you not to do anything stupid, and as much as Rafael hates to admit it he believes Carisi’s too set in his morals to even look at you suggestively. But it’s still something to think about, isn’t it?

——

“You look gorgeous,” Rafael whispers in your ear, helping you zip up your dress. You did; clad in a crushed velvet emerald long-sleeve number - yet another thing Rafael shelled out money for - and there’s a sense of pride in seeing it match perfectly with the necklace he’d gifted you earlier. “But I already can’t wait to bring you back here.”

“Mm, is that yet another present, honey?” you ask, pressing back against him. “You’ve really been spoiling me.”

“You’ve been a good girl. You deserve it,” he says, chuckling as you shiver.

“We’re gonna be late. Not nice to tease me,” you pout.

“I’ll make it up to you tenfold. Put your shoes on.”

The restaurant is nicer than Rafael thought the squad would pick out when they mentioned this idea to him a few weeks ago, but he has half a mind that they thought Rafael would help cover most of the bill. Which he did, as expected. Give a little, get a lot. Something like that. Like it or not, he’s dating the birthday girl, and he’s expected to be more giving than usual. By you, too, of course, even if you would never voice that assumption. He couldn’t very well buy himself suits that cost two grand for no reason and justify not spending the same amount or more on you on special occasions.

“Hey, happy birthday! Surprise!” Carisi says as you get to the table.

You roll your eyes at him before hugging him. “You said happy birthday to me, like, what? Twenty times today? It’s not a surprise anymore. But thank you.”

“Hey. Dream team. Had to do something for the best pardna in the world,” he says.

“Well, damn, Barba, you got (y/n) dressing to the nines too, now,” Amanda says when she sees you, smiling and squeezing your shoulder gently. “I feel underdressed now.”

“Nah, you look beautiful, Amanda,” you tell her, grinning back. “Blue’s your color.”

“Green’s definitely yours.”

This is the first time the whole squad has gone out with Rafael present since they found out for certain that the two of you were dating, and Rafael isn’t quite sure what to make of the atmosphere. He still feels excluded as the only lawyer present at a table full of detectives, and he thought maybe a known tie to you would change that, but it doesn’t, not much. Everyone falls into telling stories, and tonight they mostly concern you - but Rafael has none he wants to share even if maybe you expect him to contribute to the conversation.

What could he say that they didn’t already know?

Besides, what the hell did they think about him? He can only imagine what went through their heads once it was confirmed that he was dating you.

Isn’t he a little bit, well… too much of a smartass? Tacky, in the sense that he’s still that same kid from the barrio trying to fit in with the upper-class of New York with expensive suits and a brass ego? Old? Short? Aggressive (maybe more so passively)? Neurotic? Peculiar? Depressing?

God, he’s practically old enough to be your father.

Everyone was always trying to set you up with someone before they knew you weren’t single, whether it be Sonny with his Fordham buddies or Amanda with her men from god-knows-where or even Olivia one time with a sergeant from a different department. Maybe it’s because you’re beautiful, and beautiful people don’t stay single for long (unless, perhaps, if they were surly and standoffish, which you weren’t in the slightest). You’re a charmer, even if you don’t necessarily mean to be. A flirt without quite realizing it, without being too much of a threat. Pleasant to be around. Easy to like. A little shy, a little rough around the edges, a little stoic at first, sure, but that was easily overlooked and if someone put in the time, you were an open book.

It was easy to pity you. Maybe that shouldn’t be how he sees you, but sometimes he just can’t help but feel so damn bad given everything that’s happened to you. And he knows that’s how the squad feels too. Sure, you could handle yourself on your own, but no one wanted to let you. It’s in Olivia’s eyes when she looks at you sympathetically, it’s in Amanda’s hand when she squeezes your shoulder, it’s in Carisi’s insistence on putting himself in harms’ way so you wouldn’t ever have to take the fall: Poor baby. We’re the only tenderness you’ve ever known.

And maybe that’s true, maybe this squad was the only kind of lasting kindness you’d ever been shown. You don’t talk much about your past, and that’s fair, because Rafael doesn’t think there’s much that would be pleasant to recount. After the rape, middle school was difficult for you, as was to be expected, and you didn’t have many friends that stuck around. He’s never heard you say a word about high school, and sure, college was probably a lot better than the hell you’d been through before, but you had no one you kept in contact with from there, not even the woman you mentioned sleeping with before. Maybe life hasn’t handed you all the wrong cards: you’re gorgeous, you’re intelligent, you’re great at your job.

But in the interpersonal sphere, you’re lacking, maybe as sorely as Rafael, and that’s something he never quite thought about until now. You didn’t wear it like he did though, and you still had hope, somehow, whereas Rafael’s supplies of optimism had been used up over the years. Maybe one day you’d run out, too.

Leave it to Rafael to bring the melancholy to a birthday party.

But you wouldn’t bring the squad home; you couldn’t. On the nights you didn’t spend at Rafael’s or the nights he didn’t spend at your apartment, you were as alone as he was. He wonders, did you sit there and stare at the walls, struggle to sleep without him by your side… or did you not care?

“Honey, I was talking about you,” you say, giggling a little, and he feels your hand on his shoulder bring him back to the present. “You’ve been out of it, tonight, huh? Anyway, I was going to ask if you’d tell them about your theatre productions—“

“Oh, Jesus, (y/n), why the hell are you going to bring that shit up?” he asks, feeling a slight blush creep up his neck. “I told you about that in confidence.”

“Oh, come on. It’s cute.”

“Yeah, come on, Barba. She’s the birthday girl. You gotta do what she says,” Carisi chimes in.

Rafael glares at him and sighs. "Fine.”

“Floor is yours, Counselor,” Amanda says, winking. “Maybe you can sing for us, too.”

“Fine. I was in theatre in middle and high school. Happy?” he snaps. He knows he shouldn’t be so mean, and this was trivial, but he could do without the little jabs from the squad and your puppy-dog eyes.

“Why do you have to be like that, Rafi?” you ask. “Come on. Tell them the production in eighth grade.”

“This really means that much to you?“

"Will you just tell the story?” you ask. “No one will make fun of you, honey. I won’t let them.”

“Mm. Right. Well, my school couldn’t get the licensing rights to anything actually good that year for the Christmas musical… so we did A Christmas Peter Pan. It was about as awful as you think it would be.”

“What part did you play?” Olivia asks. Of course she’s the only one at the table who’s not tittering with laughter.

“I didn’t try out soon enough, and they didn’t have any parts left… so I played the crocodile.”

Amanda damn near spits out her drink, and Rafael rolls his eyes as Carisi laughs heartedly and Fin and Nick try and fail to not crack teasing smiles.

“I just really can’t picture that, Barba. Damn,” Carisi says after he calms down. “How bad was the costume?”

“What do you think a middle school theatre department could put together?” Rafael asks, narrowing his eyes. “Anyway. I didn’t have any lines, at least.”

“No, but you had three scary entrances,” you tease, grinning brightly and squeezing his shoulder. “Hey. It was your debut. I can’t wait until I get your mother to show me pictures—“

“Send them to me,” Amanda says. “I’m begging you.”

“I’m going to get my mother to burn that scrapbook before you’re ever in its vicinity,” Rafael mutters, chuckling.

“Aw, come on, honey, don’t be like that. You know I’d never let Amanda see them. Sonny, maybe—“

“Hey!” Amanda interjects while Rafael shoots you a withering look.

“No, I wouldn’t let him see them either. Some things are actually meant to be shared in confidence,” you laugh. “But anyway, Rafael went on to bigger and better things. He played Kenickie in Grease sophomore year, right? And you got the lead senior year?”

“Mm. Nathan Detroit. Guys and Dolls.”

“I have no idea what that is,” Carisi says.

“Of course you don’t,” Rafael retorts.

“It was a big part. He says his mother has a tape of that somewhere—“

“Are you trying to kill me, (y/n)?” Amanda asks exasperatedly. “The knowledge that that’s on film and I’ll never see it?”

“Mm. Deal with it. That’s not the one you wanna make fun of though,” you say. “Rafael can sing. He never will in front of you guys now, but he can.”

Right. Little things he’d shared with you, maybe without even meaning to, and now you could list them off as nonchalantly as if you were talking about yourself. Did any of his ex-lovers ever bother to learn all his amateur theatre roles front to back?

Thankfully, the waitress brings the cake over after a few minutes, saving him from more humiliation, and everyone, even Rafael, obliges and sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to you before you blow out the candles.

“Well, our blessings, (y/n),” Olivia says, grinning.

“Don’t tell your wish or it won’t come true,” Fin chuckles.

“Actually… I didn’t wish for anything,” you say, shrugging.

“What do you mean, you didn’t wish for anything?” Carisi asks.

“Tell, but lie,” Nick says.

“Nah. I’ve got everything I want. Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives—“

“Aww. Stay exactly as you are, (y/n),” Carisi says, reaching over to squeeze your hand. “What a sweetheart, huh, Barba?”

“Everyone adores you, (y/n),” Amanda laughs. “What an awful thing.”

Yeah. Everyone did adore you - but you weren’t an unshakable tenant in anyone’s life.

And, come to think of it, neither was Rafael. Rafael was always confused as to why the hell you even approached him all those months ago, flirted with him, got him to buy you dinner… but fuck, it was clear now. You were alone, grasping at straws just like he was. A couple months in the city you dreamed of living in since you were a child provided you with nothing more than acquaintances you worked and occasionally got drunk with, and maybe it was human nature to want more than that.

Yet here you were insisting that you didn’t wish for anything. What the hell? Didn’t you want more than what Rafael was giving you? Shouldn’t you?

Fuck if he knows. He’s not even sure what he wants anymore, never mind what you want.

——

Rafael has never been above sharing his body for someone else’s pleasure. It felt good to give in this regard, and fuck it, if anyone deserved to have a good, healthy sex life it was you.

It had been a long road to get you comfortable - yes, the first time you had sex with him you were more than a willing participant - but he’d notice sometimes when he initiated things, you would space out and become unresponsive. That was absolutely not going to work for him. He’s been prosecuting sex crimes long enough for that to turn his stomach in the worst way. The last thing he’d want is to take advantage of someone who was lying underneath him just because they thought it would appease him, not because they genuinely wanted to be there.

You got mad at him the first time he brought it up; said he was reading too much into things - but eventually you came around and admitted what had made you uncomfortable, what had turned you off, what had made you freeze, and what it came down to was years of trauma that no one had bothered to work through, not even yourself. What started with the rape went on to college boys who wouldn’t keep their hands to themselves and tried to pressure you when you weren’t ready - and you’d never quite learned to say no. You said you didn’t want to share this, didn’t want him to think you were some perpetual victim or that you didn’t enjoy sex - because you had had positive sexual experiences aside from Rafael, obviously - but sometimes all it took was a touch in the wrong place and you shut down. You still had issues here and there, but at least you’d actually fucking talk to him now, which was progress. He would’ve thought for an SVU detective with a psychology degree this wouldn’t be an issue, but maybe it’s how it goes - you put all your energy out there for the victims and you never learn how to unlearn your own toxic thought cycles and behaviors.

Also, Rafael learned, through trial and error, that you liked to be praised. Maybe it was after years of being ashamed of your body and sex, after years of feeling like you were inexperienced because you never met anyone worth having experiences with… but it was almost like you got off on it and Rafael wouldn’t really mind if that was the case. You are a good girl - his good girl - especially now, as he’s sitting at his desk chair in his apartment and you’re riding his thigh, your dress ridden up to your waist. Your lips are kiss-bruised and you’re so wet he can feel you seep through your panties to his dress pants.

Fuck it if you ruined them. Fuck it if you ruined him.

“Yes, good girl, you gonna get off on my thigh, (y/n)?” he asks, his voice low in your ear.

“I don’t know if I can,” you laugh. “Might need some assistance.”

“No, I think you can. Want you to try it. You think you’re close, mi buena chica?”

“Mm, don’t know. I didn’t think I was gonna have to work this hard on my birthday,” you say, leaning down to kiss his mouth. “Don’t you think those hands could be of good use somewhere?”

“Maybe. Where do you want them?“

"Mm, fucking everywhere,” you drawl.

For Rafael, sex was always just fun. Usually, it was better if he knew the person at least a little, but after Yelina, he didn’t care as much and was a little more of a libertine. Sex with you, though; it’s different - it’s a conversation - maybe like it’s supposed to be, sharing what you can’t or what you won’t say with words.

Maybe he should feel more flattered, because you were sharing a lot, too.

Rafael gives you what you want, though, cupping your breasts as he kisses you, murmuring words of encouragement in your ear in between - “Yes, just like that, you can do it, come for me, such a good girl, come on, cariño” - and when you do finally fall apart, he peppers your face with kisses. “See? I told you.”

“Mm. Sometimes you’re right,” you giggle, kissing the side of his mouth. “But I’m not working that hard for the next orgasm.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles.

And you don’t; Rafael brings you over the edge with his tongue and fingers, but you’ve barely come down from your high before he’s on his back, at your mercy instead.

“What are you doing? Didn’t think you wanted to work for it anymore,” he teases as you press kisses on his chest.

“Nah, you’re gonna fuck me, hombre, but I want to do something for you first,” you purr, trailing down lower, lower, lower…

“It’s your birthday–”

“Mm. Yeah. But now I just guaranteed that you have to go down on me on yours,” you giggle. “No. We’re not counting favors here, right? Just let me.”

And you’re so good. You always are, but every time just seems to get better as you learn more of what he likes, what gets him off. He wonders vaguely if he you feel that way too, but he doesn’t have much time to dwell on that as your lips wrap around his cock. “Fuck, so good, (y/n),” he hisses. If he wasn’t almost painfully hard before he definitely is now. “That’s it, oh fuck.”

One of your hands comes to cup his balls gently as your tongue and lips work his cock and it’s hard to remember that you were ever tentative giving him a blowjob before. Maybe that’s the thing about sex; everyone thinks they need experience to be a good lover, but maybe they don’t. Maybe they just need to listen to their partner. Rafael’s slept with people who have slept with countless numbers of people but no one’s ever learned his body like you, and your count was much lower. Granted, Rafael never quite allowed himself this type of vulnerability with anyone else in recent history, either, but it was only fair that if some of your walls came down some of his did as well.

Still, he has to make sure you know that by gasping out praise and encouragement, tangling his hands in your hair, being careful not to pull too harshly. “Fuck, so good at that, sucking my cock so good, se buena, mm, fuck.”

Eventually, though, Rafael can feel that he’s dangering the brink and has to stop you. Switching positions again - you’re on your back for him now - and he’s lining up his cock with your pussy, making sure you’re still good. With your consent, he enters you, groaning softly at finally feeling you wet and warm around his cock.

“God, you’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” he grunts as he starts fucking in and out of you, slowly at first.

“I’d hope you think so,” you say.

“Think - no. You are. Fucking gorgeous.”

Your cheeks flush a little and he can’t believe you still get flustered when he tells you that. But you are a vision - hair splayed on his pillow, your breasts heaving in tandem with your breath, your skin shining with a slight sheen of perspiration. Yeah. Fucking gorgeous.

And, oh fuck, now you’re clawing at his back, scratching with your nails. A shiver runs down his spine as he fucks into you harder, “That good?”

“Fuck, yeah, Rafael, fuck me,” you whine and he leans down to press a searing kiss to your mouth.

“Mm, so pretty, taking my cock so well, cosita bonita, so good for me,” he rasps in your ear.

You’re meeting him thrust for thrust; the only sounds Rafael can hear is the slap of skin on skin and his heart pounding in his ears as he kisses up and down your neck. “Mm, Rafael, feels so good,” you purr, and yeah, now he can see why you get off on those simple words of encouragement.

It’s not long before the two of you reach your highs and come down, a panting, tangled mess twisted up in his bedsheets. “Mm. Feliz cumpleaños, cariño.”

“Yeah, happy birthday to me,” you laugh, leaning over to snuggle against his chest. “Fuck, I’m exhausted now.”

“Thought I was supposed to be the old one.”

“Like you could go for another round right now.”

“Try me, mujer,” he chuckles. “Shower?”

“In a minute,” you giggle. “Let my heart rate come down a little.”

The two of you lay there in silence, your breathing rates settling while Rafael’s mind sets off to the races again. You were right, earlier, eight years was a fucking long time and it didn’t get any easier to be alone.

It doesn’t get any easier to be with someone, either, though, like when you wake him up too early in the morning and ruin his precious sleep, or when you make snide remarks that ruin his day and bruise his ego or, worst of all, as always: when you see right through him, like the front he puts up just doesn’t exist.

Maybe, though, maybe he’s a masochist because god forbid you leave. Here he was, carving out hours of his precious time; time he used to tell his mother he never had to spare, and sharing it with you. And you wanted him to.

Rafael doesn’t know what the hell to make of that.

Tag list: @caked-crusader​ @thatesqcrush​ @law-nerd105​ @arabellathorne​ @blackeyedangel9805​ @moon-river-drifter

[dailudannos]

Walker and Bullet deserved redemption arcs and backstories don’t @ me

*cracks knuckles*

BUCKLE UP BITCHES, IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE

Ok, but here's my hot take on Bullet and Walker's backstories and (maybe, possibly) character arcs

⚠️(Tw: mentions of death, murder, and/or very touchy topics. Viewer discretion is advised)⚠️

SO-

They knew each other in their past lives, as humans, and can remember bits and pieces, but it's fuzzy.

Bullet met Walker when he applied for a job at the prison. He needed a crew cut job to fit his resume before he retired in like, fifteen+ years

Idk, the name Braden Rameriaz fits?? A 40 year old with his eye on the prize

He is-

An African American/Hispanic black man

A raging bisexual

And has to live down in a good ol' racist and homophobic town where he has to work at

This is where he meets Walker though! Walker is the warden of the prison where he sees Bullet applying for a job at.

Jeremiah Sales, 45, good-looking, not so good with the ladies...

White/Indigenous/African American male

A pretty fucking gay cowboy if you ask me //joke

Pretty much closeted his whole life living in the same old town with his family around (yikes, I know how that feels)

So Walker hires this hot shot, and sees that he does...pretty well, at first. But when things start to get hard, his lackey position earns him to second-in-command, right at Walker's side.

A few years go by, and the two grow closer together, like, really close 😳

They didn't realize that they were gay cause a) Walker gives off straight vibes and b) Walker thought Bullet only liked women. So it was like, "Wait, you're gay?? And you thought I liked only women??"..."Well I thought maybe you were taken, so..."

Yay relationship!! It lasts for a few months until the love has to end

So one day it was a normal day at work, but Bullet got the day off so he decided to go for a swim. Where they live there's a lake which is good for fishing and swimming in the summer months. So he had a good thing going when some co-workers show up and act as if they were having a cookout near the lake. (The co-workers were planning this from the start).

Bullet thinks they're just having a good time, so he tries to mind his business. But as soon as he rose back out of the water, they hold him down and push him back down into the water...until he doesn't move anymore

The next day Walker expects Bullet to come in as per usual. But he hadn't been answering his phone, his house phone, or any other immediate family members. So he files a missing report, and goes on about the order. The co-workers, however, had other plans. Walker called an official meeting to try and find Bullet, and his last known whereabouts.

"Sir..."

"Yes, Clancy?"

"We apologize, but...we don't take kindly to you or your kind."

"What-"

Shot. Dead. Three times is all it took.

He realizes where he is once he materializes into the ghost zone, and he's angry, and mourning, and confused. Why would they do this to him? He tried his damndest for each and every guard at that prison. Why? Why him, and why Bullet? What did he do to deserve any sort of treatment?

His mind is a mess, he's disorderly, and can't make sense of it all. He drops to his knees and cries, sobbing what he has left until no more tears come out, while his ghost forms to what remains of him. A former skeleton of what he was.

"Walker?"

Bullet had been in the zone for a day, with a pair of cargo pants, a bandana, boots, and a worn-out cape that he found. He had mourned and mourned, crying over the pain in his eye as he was plunged under the water, leaving a mark over it. Crying over how he would never be able to breathe, love, or being touched again. Although his appearance helped better himself.

Reunited at last, they lived out the rest of their days in the ghost zone, still not over to what happened to them, still wanting revenge, but happy to be in each other's arms again.

~

For the redemption arcs, it would have to be something rule oriented or something happening to danny to really come to Walker and Bullet for help.

Danny would have to deal with runaway ghosts out of the zone to really screw up and not be able to protect the town.

So he's humiliated into doing this. And he manages to find Walker's lair, and find both Bullet and Walker at the door, looking confused (they're married, don't @ me).

"Walker, I need your help. Badly."

So Bullet has to talk Walker into helping the kid after he's explained to them what's going down in the real world. He firmly agrees, and Walker spends the rest of the day doing cleanup control with Danny, who's having a blast beating ghosts and even talking to some of Walker's guards.

Bullet's there watching as he helps out with the control. He's sort of smug, but he's cooing over the fact that the kid is growing on Walker.

"Got room for another second in command, Sheriff?"

"No. But I'm considering it."

"The kid's grown on you after all. With his ghost control over this town, it reminds me of a certain cowboy."

At the very end of the day, Danny thanks Walker and Bullet for all their help, and he sees that they genuinely take a compliment, rather than being stoic and gritty, like they usually are.

"Sure kid. Just call me if any ghost is breaking any rules!"

[gladiatortale]

My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS! 

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019  The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments: 

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.  Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020  Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin​ -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane  Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein​ -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully, 

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in. 

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain. 

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies​, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel​ sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! 

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 12: Final Home Exercise Program

Characters: Captain Syverson x OFC (Shane Dawson)

Summary: Our lovers spend one last night together and the next morning have a serious discussion about their future after more new information comes to light about Sy’s upcoming training. Can the new relationship sustain the stress? Are Shane’s feelings justified, or can they overcome what lies before them?

Spoilers suck! Start from the top or wherever you left off HERE!

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, smut, angst…well, near angst. As angsty as I get.

Author’s Note: Sorry this has taken so long, my darling dears! I’m currently on vacation and although I was hoping to be inspired by new surroundings, it’s given me WICKED writer’s block! I have a pretty solid plan for more chapters, though, so, buckle up!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags: 

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland (apparently deactivated, idk what’s up with that)

@speakerforthedead0

@tumblnewby

@suavechops

@radkesgirl83

@wheretheriversrunintothesea

@heartfelt-pen

@auds24

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Sy's last two PT appointments could not have gone better. On paper, anyway. He was at full strength in his injured knee, his range of motion was better than it was in the so-called good knee, and he hadn't complained of pain above a 2/10 in the last five sessions. He'd even been using the treadmill properly the last two weeks, working up to his own goal of running again. Her goals for him were met…they could have probably stopped a session short, but she'd wanted to give him a few more handouts to finalize his HEP…and well, she'd be in major trouble for saying so, but…she couldn't stand the thought of cancelling that last visit. It felt like quitting, even though it would have been justified.

In practice, however, there was a tension between them that had never existed before. Something creating awkward energy that they couldn't seem to shake. They hadn't seen each other much outside of therapy this week, either. Not since the night of their argument. Sy had to do a lot of prep for his trip to Virginia, and Shane's caseload this week had been ridiculous. Dozens of evaluations and updates and calls to various companies on different kinds of splints and orthotics she was hoping to get for a few of her patients. A lot of time spent on the phone meant a lot of after-hours documentation. She needed a break. Even if it meant she'd have to do some work over the weekend. Sy was leaving tomorrow to get settled in Charlottesville before the big training course began. She didn't want them to be apart on his last night home for a month.

"Hey, as a celebration of your discharge from PT and your new career trajectory, how about dinner on me tonight?"

"But…you don't really want me to leave town…or to be done with therapy. Not that I, myself, won't miss you feeling me up in public." he smirked as she took his last set of range of motion measurements, her hands gently holding one arm of her goniometer to the side of his thigh…suddenly too aware of him.

"Not entirely true. I'm glad you're better, I'll just miss seeing you through the day. It breaks up the…" she sighed "the monotony of my daily life. Also, why would I want you to leave town? What would that say about me as your girlfriend?" she explained.

"S'pose you're right."

"In this case, yes. Yes I am." She winked at him.

They finished up and she gave him a few more exercises to keep in his arsenal to maintain strength and range in both knees.

"Okay, now, I won't be around to harass you about these, but keep doing them regularly, and just modify them as I've notated if they get too easy. Try to just do more reps, though. I wouldn't try to bulk it up just yet, and that's what you'll do with more weight added."

"Yes, ma'am." he said for old time's sake. She shook her head and smirked.

"And listen, please. This is your physical therapist talking right now. Be careful and mindful during … your cross country training." she wanted to call it "Survivor-Virginia," but refrained. She knew it would get his hackles up. And she was taking enough of a chance insisting that he be careful. "Nature has perils for the perfectly fit. The already injured are at a disadvantage from the gate. Mind your footing. And try not to run unless you have to. Uneven surfaces are not your friend just yet. You still need to work up to that. If you want, I'll help you with it when you get back. Just…don't undo all this work we've done together."

He seemed to see his woman peeking out from behind the mask of his therapist. Concern coloring the neutral and clinical advice she was giving him.

"I'll do my best, sunshine." he held her by the arms and kissed her forehead. It felt too intimate for the setting, but they had done worse. "I'll see ya tonight then?"

"Yeah, I'll bring some food by your place after work. What do you want?"

"Hmmm…I'll let you know." he kissed her cheek and left.

The next hour was her lunch, so she had time to contemplate what seeing him walk out for the last time had made her feel. She sighed, and started to well up, getting out her lunch bag to begin eating and documenting when a knock came at the door frame.

It was Sy, looking forlorn and manic and altogether a mess. Very unlike himself.

"I got out to the truck and something just felt wrong about the way I left today. As if it was any other day. Not our last session. You were trying to get that to land…I'm a little slow. But I finally got it." he walked to her, grabbing her up from her chair in a hug that mended all of the broken parts of her. Squeezed her back together when she'd been damn near falling apart. "Shane, you…you did more than just make me better. You've…made me better. Happier. Whole. I'll never be able to thank you properly for all of this, but…I intend to try for as long as you'll let me."

He held her while her tears fell softly onto his Def Leppard shirt. This was what she needed. For him to simply hold her, complete her, love her.

"Also, I think I'd like Chinese food tonight." she laughed into his neck.

"You idiot."

"You still like me."

"I do. And you don't need to worry about thanking me, Sy. You return the favor daily by just…being you…and being mine." She pulled him in to a ferociously sexy kiss, her hands in his hair, still too short for her liking, but getting there.

He broke away, neither wanting it to end, but both knowing it must, all the same.

"I thought we couldn't do this at your work?" he inquired, slightly out of breath.

"We couldn't do this while you were a patient. You're officially discharged. Last appointment over. All I have to do is sign your note and it's a done deal. But now…if you wanted to drop by for lunch sometime when you get back from training for your fancy job…we could…make it a regular occurrence." she smiled up into his entrancing blue eyes, sparkling with promise.

"I like the sound of that, sunshine." he gave her one more chaste kiss before his official goodbye. "See ya tonight."

As she watched him leave, she remembered thinking to herself one day how he probably used to take very confident strides…that hardly did his walk justice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She ordered their favorites, four entrees total, so they had options, crab rangoon, egg rolls, dumplings, the works. She would be happy to eat off the leftovers all weekend. She wasn't fussy. She loved leftover Chinese takeout.

He met her at the door, having advance warning of her arrival from the canine burglar alarm, Aika.

"You got her. Good girl." he said sweetly thanking the pup for sounding off the Twilight Bark throughout the neighborhood.

"Hello!" She handed off the food to Sy and scratched at the German Shepherd's ears the way she liked, her tail wagging with joyous speed.  

"I thought we could set up a buffet on the coffee table downstairs while we watch TV?"

"Sounds great!" She said, with an enthusiasm that sounded almost forced. She wasn't able to fully shake this foreboding she felt saying goodbye to him, no matter how long they'd be apart.

Sy grabbed plates and silverware while Shane got them some beverages, and they headed downstairs, Aika knowing her boundaries did not extend to the basement except by invitation, whined at their descent. Sy wasn't having it.

"Oh, don't give us that sob story, ya brat." he rolled his eyes at Shane.

"Aww, can't she come down with us?"

"No way. I want you all to myself." a devilish smirk twitched up the corners of his mouth making him even more handsome.

"Aika has nothin' on you. You're the real dog." she teased.

"I make no excuses or arguments. I'm gonna be selfish with you tonight." they put the food and supplies on the coffee table and he caught her up into his arms. He seemed to want to inhale her into his lungs.

"Mmmm, as endearing as I've always found generosity, I really like the sound of that." She let out a huff of amusement.

They spent an uncharacteristically short amount of time choosing something to watch. They'd already started a miniseries together, and they wanted to finish it before Sy left. It was a British political thriller with a lot of intrigue and quite a bit of sex. They only had two hours left, so they finished it quickly as they ate.

They decided to put on something familiar afterward. Die Hard. Which they both quoted with ridiculous precision. They were cuddled into each other on the big sectional, lulled into comfort by the familiar security of the dialogue and the warmth of the other.

Soon, Sy's hand found its way to Shane's thigh. It inched its way inside and up. She felt like he could hear her heart rate quicken, just as she knew he could hear her breaths come with more effort due to his touch.

She looked at him, and despite her apprehension about his decision to leave her so early in their relationship, she wanted him. She'd known for so long now. It felt like forever, for longer than they'd even known one another. A ridiculous notion. But with that same gaze, she begged him to continue. The signal was not lost on the captain. His mouth punished hers in a kiss so deliciously violent and needy she thought there was no way he couldn't feel the same for her. She pushed to the back of her busy mind all of the negative emotions the kiss brought up, the confusion as to how and why he was going to leave her when he clearly needed her just as badly as she needed him, and just let this beautiful moment become what it would.

As hard as that was to do.

The way he touched her was a pretty effective distraction. One hand held her firmly against his mouth by the nape while the other built friction in her over her jeans. She felt her body's primal responses of the building pressure and her hands gripping at his shirt. His guttural moan at her answering touch only fueled the inferno in her. She needed more of him. She thrust up into his hand wantonly. He took himself away from her, cruelly, but to be so very kind, she would soon see. He undid her jeans and tugged them down, along with her panties. In the process, he repositioned her conveniently at the edge of the sofa. He scooted the coffee table out of the way enough to kneel before her. He tortured her with kisses from her knee up her inner thigh on both sides before continuing those kisses where she really needed them.

His warm breath hit her first and she arched, aching in anticipation for the corporeal. He looked up at her with his dervish's grin, seeing the desire on her face and feeling it course through her body, and although he was a better man than her previous lovers, and a better man than most, no man was so good that making his woman feel like this didn't make him feel like a god.

"Darlin', you're so gorgeous like this." he said as he teased her with his mouth. Her words failed. She had only unintelligible syllables for him. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed thoroughly amused by her speechlessness. Amused and encouraged. She'd never felt like this before. His lips and tongue worked over her trembling flesh, both as familiar paths and brand new territory. Discovering the new and remembering the familiar, all at once.

"Sy." she whispered, so close to her peak, and needing him to continue, but unable to do more than moan his name.

"I know, sugar. I know it won't be long. Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

And she fell apart under his expert touch. He soothed her body down from the climax and asked her if she was ready for bed.

"I think not!" she replied. "The movie isn't over." and she pulled him up to her by the cheeks into another crushing kiss and guided him to the couch. She kicked her bottoms off her ankles to avoid tripping and repositioned herself between his legs as he'd done with her.

"You don't have to, sunshine." he caressed her jaw.

"I know, babe. I want to. Let me do this for you." He was always eager to taste her but she'd yet to return the favor at his own request. She was done letting him decline. She didn't want him leaving without giving him this small parting gift.

It wasn't as if she was unfamiliar with how big he was. She'd touched him, and had him inside her…but seeing him this close was different. She fully appreciated what a feat it was to take him.

She started in with her own tricks, which made him moan, just as planned. His hands laced gently and lovingly in her hair as she worked her mouth and hands over him. She looked up at him after a few moments to gauge his reaction and couldn't have been more pleased. His expression was one of pure, tortured bliss. She felt so powerful.

"Angel, I'm not gonna last much longer." she took that as her cue to get on top of him.

She joined their bodies with a groan of ecstasy that he echoed. She gripped his shoulders as she moved against him, slow and measured at first, but becoming more frantic and erratic as she chased her climax. One hand remaining on her hip, the other came to her chin and directed her gaze to him. Her eyes, blazing with desire, met his, full of tears. She fell against his lips, as she climbed higher, needing that final push to send her over. Which it did, tumbling into that familiar bliss, that she'd have to savor for…well, too long. She didn't want to think too hard about that. This would be their last night together for several weeks. And she wanted to make the most of it. She looked at him, nodded, and after a few more thrusts, he came to his own pinnacle with a shudder beneath her, clutching at her back, resting his head on her sternum. She held him there, and took a few cleansing breaths with her own cheek pressed against his lengthening hair. She stroked the ones at the back of his neck for a moment as they came down from their impossible high.

"Shall we continue this upstairs?" she asked as the cheery, festive, and entirely out-of-season notes of "Let It Snow" played on the TV with the rolling credits of Die Hard. He grinned.

"Yeah, if I still have bones in my legs." he kissed her neck, just above the collar of her tee. "And I'll come down later and clear all this up. We'll just have to close the door so Aika doesn't come down and have herself a party. She's a good dog, but I'm not about to tempt her."

Shane carefully slid off of Sy's lap, attempting not to make too much of a mess, grabbed her panties and slipped them on for the walk to Sy's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The musical chiming of Sy's phone alarm came too damned early. They'd barely slept, not wanting to waste a moment together. When they finally nodded off after their last round of fervent love-making, they wrapped themselves around one another and were both out like lights in no time. Now he was untangling himself from her to turn the noise off and presumably begin the process of getting ready to leave for the airport. He only snoozed it, though, and pulled her more tightly against his bare, hairy chest.

"What time is it?" She asked, bleary from lack of sleep and extreme fatigue. Not that she was complaining.

"Seven. But my flight doesn't leave until 10, and it's just from the base. There's a flight leaving there for  Charlottesville-Albemarle Airport and I'm hitchin' a ride with them."

"Oh good. I had anticipated we'd have to drive to Springfield, or even St. Louis this morning." She would do it for Sy, of course, but she wasn't looking forward to a six hour minimum round trip, half of which she would have to make alone.

"Nah, and I'm hoping to work something out for the return trip, too, but I'll let you know about that, then. I've made those open ended, though, because I don't know about the return date."

"Sure. God, that's so…crazy. Not in a bad way, just, I can't imagine leaving home without a clear plan on when I'd be back. Of course, knowing it won't be more than a month helps, I guess."

"Yeah."

"And really, a part of me has dreamed of living a sort of nomadic existence since I was very young, so I definitely see the romance in it."

"Totally agree. Hey, I'm hungry. How about we get ready and I'll buy ya breakfast?" He seemed evasive, but she was hungry, too, so she let it go.

"Sounds great!"

They got up and showered together, keeping the sexy time to a minimum given the current time constraints they'd now placed upon themselves. If they didn't hurry, they'd never get out of Cracker Barrell in time to get him to the base.

He loaded his bag in her cargo space and they headed off to the restaurant, which was hopping with traffic on a Saturday morning, as was expected. But since there were only two of them, they got a table without waiting.

They ordered coffees, and Cokes, not super healthy, but hey, this wasn't a daily occurrence. It was a splurge.

Sy ordered some massive and meaty breakfast spread that sounded like a heart attack waiting to happen, while Shane kept it simple with biscuits and gravy and a side of fruit…also, she stole a strip of Sy's bacon. Again…she was a weak woman.

The conversation was light and friendly and lovey…until the time came to leave. Sy picked up the check and took it to the counter to pay and then led her out the double doors back to her vehicle.

"You'll be able to FaceTime me on evenings you haven't gone walkabout in the wilderness, right?"

"I'm not sure they call it that outside of Australia, or even the Crocodile Dundee movies, but yeah, we'll plan on that, for sure."

"Good. I'll miss you so much. But at least I have a pretty good idea of when you'll be back." she was spouting excitedly, but he was being rather cagey again. He piped up with three words that never start off a good sentence.

"Yeah, about that…" she looked at him as they closed the doors to her Explorer, waiting for him to continue…hoping for good news, but expecting bad.

"I got an email last night…late…that I…that the training…might take longer than they told me at first." he winced for the impact of her reception of the anticipated bad news.

"Longer…uh-huh. How much longer?" she asked, backing out of her parking space.

"Ya know if you back into these spaces you don't have to worry about--"

"Really? This is the moment you want to man-splain the concepts of parking to me, Sy? I'll save you the trouble. My dad couldn't get me to do it, and I don't see you having any success, either. Now, how much longer?"

"I don't…they didn't give a concrete--"

"Give me your best guess based on what you know. Give me a range. A ballpark, if you will."

"Uhh…two or three more…weeks…than planned." he winced as she drove toward Fort Leonard Wood Army Base from the peaceful breakfast joint. It was rather poetic, really, since the conversation had turned from relaxed to militant. And they were driving from civilian territory into a land of combatants. Not a war zone, but a zone of warriors, perhaps. And she was ready for battle, herself.

"Sy. That's more than six weeks."

"I know." he said, his eyes downcast in some combination of shame, fear, and sadness.

"And you're…fine with it?" she prodded, prompting him to consider her.

"Of course I don't like it. I'm gonna hate being away from my sunshine for even a week. But this is…it's about who I am. Who I'm meant to be from now on. I have to find my way from here, Shane."

"I guess my only question is…where do I fit into this…path. This life you're making for yourself? We're brand new. But we've worked really hard already to get where we are. And I've worked really hard to get to where I am, professionally. In my dream job. No, the circumstances aren't ideal, but the work makes me think, and gives me purpose. What am I suppose to do? Either I give that up, or I give up…the only man I've ever been with who's made me actually happy."

"I don't want that. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want you to give anything up for me, darlin.' That'll just lead to you resentin' me down the road, and I don't want that, neither." He stopped a moment and just looked at her, face holding back frustrated and angry tears…but also very sad ones. "What about this? Let's just, talk about all this moving forward stuff when I'm back from training. At that point, I'll know more about what to expect about jobs and assignments. And…if it would make you feel more comfortable…we can call ourselves…unexclusive. That way, if you meet someone while I'm gone--"

"Have you lost your mind?" She interrupted his ridiculous attempt to be selfless. She was secure enough in his feelings for her that he wasn't making the suggestion for himself.

"I'm serious. If you meet someone, and he sweeps you off your feet, don't resist. I want you to be happy, Shane."

"Then come back and teach gym at the local high school. Better yet, don't go, at all."

"You remember all that stuff you said about having your dream job and a purpose?" Shane nodded. "You want me to find all that too, don'tcha?"

"No. I'm a selfish bitch who wants you here with me no matter the cost. And I don't care if you resent me in the long run. At least I'll have you." she laughed at her sarcasm and only slightly true self-deprecation.

"You'll be fine. You managed so far without me." he reminded her as she pulled up to the gate, guarded by about four men, who's rank she couldn't tell, but one of whom Sy called a sergeant.

"I'll get out here and they'll take me to the hangar in a cart. No civilian vehicles allowed today. Apparently they're doing maneuvers." he shrugged and got out to grab his bag.

"I put the rest of the takeout in here too. It's in one of my nice coolers on ice."

"Thanks." she told her shoes as they stood under the shade of her rear access hatch. She couldn't look at him right now. He made her, though.

"This ain't quite like the airport, but I still don't have a lot of time, sunshine." he kissed her hard, and it really felt like a goodbye, which almost hurt more than his leaving. Almost. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, and she knew she'd feel that embrace all evening. She hoped it would last for weeks.

"I love you, Sy." she sobbed to him. Trying like hell to keep it together.

"I love you, darlin.' Now don't you forget that when some other handsome fella gives you the eye. Make sure he's worth it, if you're gonna write me a dear john letter." he winked at her. She laughed and nodded, but didn't feel it was that funny, and didn't intend to adhere to his parameters of their relationship. He ducked under the arm that was preventing her from driving through. Although, legs as long as his, he almost could have stepped over it. She watched him walk away for as long as she could before she was given the signal that she must leave and let other traffic through…although, she resented this. There were two lanes, after all. Couldn't these men see what a mess she was? She'd just had to say goodbye to the love of her life…and she didn't know when…or indeed, if…she'd see him again. She had hope…but that didn't stop her from crying all the way home and the rest of the afternoon as the ghost of Sy's parting hug faded from her skin.

Up Next: Chapter 13: SNAFU

[suhfleur]

dear, my dear • jaebeom (4/4)

• pairing: soulmate!jaebeom x reader

• genre: romance, angst, smut

• warnings: cursing, smut, smut, smuuuut

• word count: 4.3k

summary: in a world where a touch can lock the doors of the heart, his voice opened the doors to your soul as he filled it with joy.

a/n: there is going to be an extra chapter, probably by the end of the week i’m gonna post it! and honestly idk what to say, just want to thank all of you who sent me sweet words about this fic and everything. thank you. hope you guys enjoy.

• • •

Nothing. 

That was how Jaebeom felt about his life, at that time.

His days were gloomy. Sometimes, meaningless.

He didn’t have a lot of things that he appreciated that much anymore. 

Jaebeom loved his cats, loved his cozy apartment and how it was the best place ever when he was watching his favorites animes and series, he loved to wake up every day and drink his coffee in peace, but even though he loved being alone, he didn’t like feeling lonely anymore. It was something difficult to understand, maybe if you ask him he wouldn’t be able to explain it in exact words, so he started making beats and writing songs. Developing art was the best way he could express himself.

Music was everything to him, he loved doing it and dedicating his life towards this specific thing. Music was everything that he had left, the only thing that brought something else to his life, and when the only thing he truly liked started to feel like everything else, he knew that his battle was almost lost. Doing music without a real meaning felt wrong and distorted, and that feeling burned the things left on his heart.

He was tired of pretending, every single comment about his songs felt hollow, it didn’t felt like he was changing somebody’s life with it, Jaebeom didn’t feel like he was doing a good job. He couldn’t even change his life with his own music, what else he expected? That was something he thought about a hundred times, at midnight. He couldn’t sleep that much, sometimes he didn’t even sleep. Those nights where his mind was too full with darkness and he couldn’t sleep, he would sit down on his living room floor and watch the stars, his cats by his side and the silence. Jaebeom missed his parents, living alone was not that great anymore, maybe he should give up and go back to his old life.

But then, life showed him that she was a tricky thing and you showed up to make him rethink a lot of things. 

Your first words to him lighted up a fire that he thought was dead and gone. At least, at the end of the day, he changed your life with his music and he was happy about it. That happiness brought excitement, that excitement brought ideas and his mind didn’t stop crafting new lyrics, composing new songs. Inspiration showed up again. 

Saying that you saved his life was something that he didn’t know if it was the right thing to say, but he could say that your faith in him made his own faith shine again. It all depended on him but yes, he could say that you saved his life too. You started him again, as a musician, then as a person.

Jaebeom never had intentions of knowing more about you because he wanted something, that didn’t even cross his mind back then, being friends with you didn’t even cross his mind either. But he felt like he could trust you, musically speaking so, of course, he would reach out for you when he felt doubts about the songs, you were good to give advice for these things. And after that phase, everything else came naturally, he didn’t even saw it coming.

For years, Jaebeom had walls too thin and too big inside him, protecting himself. He came from a broken home, broken childhood, he was too broken in every sense of the word but you came and broke each one of these walls and he had no idea of who were you.

Messages that once was just about his songs, started to be something else.

Just wrote this on my way to work, what do you think about it?

I’m not working as a teacher anymore, I received a proposal to work as a producer, isn’t that nice? I’m finishing that song, also.

I had a meeting with some people from a record label, and guess what? They offered me a deal as a solo artist, like, officially. I’m signed up! They want me to drop my album in 5 months!!!

oh, do you like animes? I just saw a really good one, you should watch it too. 

just ate the best food in my life, do you know that red restaurant at itaewon? best pancakes ever

it’s so cold today, are you wearing warm clothes? don’t you get sick, ok?

how was work today?

At first, those things terrified him, a lot. The fast heartbeats every time he received a text from you, with your sweet or funny words, the way you took care of him even from a distance, brought an inexplicable sense of peace; made him feel so good that he knew it was over. He fought a lot of battles, every day, but against you… he could never win. With time, Jaebeom’s only wish was that he could see you, at least one time while he was breathing. He just wanted you to show up, wanted you to forget about your crazy deal and say “hey, let’s see each other?”. He was wrapped around your finger. 

Jaebeom realized that his heart was yours. 

Even when the girl from the subway made him feel kind of weird every Thursday, even though she was a hell of a beautiful girl, even when he touched her and his whole body wanted to run towards her.

His heart was still yours. And Jaebeom had no intentions in giving it to nobody else. 

He could feel everything coming back to life with you, like a blooming flower, he could see the true colors of life once again. It was a slow process, but thanks to your push, he tried again and here he was. Destiny could give up, he wasn’t going to accept nobody else but you, that was what he imagined.

But then, just like it happened to you, nothing prepared him for reality. 

Life and destiny had plans for both of you, an unreal reality.

Especially, this specific reality where your sleepy face is resting against his shoulder, with your eyes closed, lips touching his neck giving gentle kisses along his exposed skin, your arms wrapped around his waist, holding him dearly, he felt loved. He felt safe. He felt vivid.

Both of you were meant to be, and thinking about this he couldn’t feel more relieved. Soulmates. He didn’t have to worry anymore.

“It doesn’t make sense,” you broke the silence as you felt Jaebeom's fingers over the back of your neck, tangling in the strands of your hair. Both of you ran away from Jaehyun’s apartment and Mark’s confused face, you decided that you could explain everything later because your mind was off with so much information and plot twists. And right now, as your body is pressed against Jaebeom’s toned chest, laid on your bed, legs tangled in one another, nothing could feel more peaceful than this.

“What doesn’t make sense, baby?” Jaebeom asked with his lips brushing slightly your forehead. In the last thirty minutes, the word ‘baby’ became the thing you loved the most to hear, that word was never that powerful in your life before.

“The first time that we bumped into each other, it was early in the morning,” you reminded, putting your hand in his chest and resting your chin there, dangerously close to his face but you liked the way you could see every single detail of his sculpted pretty face and appreciate the brown galaxies on his eyes. “When you told me that you had found your soulmate, it was late at night. Around 9 pm. It doesn’t make sense.”

Jaebeom frowned, tilting his head a little bit to the side, like a confused dog.

“What you talking about? I sent that message to you right after I touched you at the station.” He said smirking. Now you were the one confused. “You seriously received the message late night?” You nodded. “Wow...” He laughed, slapping his forehead. “We could’ve figured out that we were soulmates way sooner. Jesus… Nothing helped with us, not even your phone service.” Jaebeom closed his eyes and laughed.

“I can say that it was kind of my fault too, right? I mean… The whole ‘please, don’t tell me your real name I don’t want us to get attached’ was king of stupid because I was already attached to you, but I was also scared. Like a lot… I didn’t like the idea of falling in love with you but being the ‘love’ of somebody else, you know? If we weren’t meant to be together then I couldn’t let those feelings flood my heart. It was a silly decision.”

“It’s okay, baby. I was scared too. I was in love with somebody I didn’t know, how messed up was that? How could I feel something for somebody like that, through texts?” He gave you a fond smile, tracing circles on your cheeks with his thumb. “I tried to hide it for months, but every day it was torture. I wanted to see you, to hug and kiss you, comfort you when you were stressed, I wanted everything with you but I had to respect your decision, I had to put myself aside and think about you. I loved you in silence because I didn’t want to cross a line and end our friendship, I didn’t know if you felt the same way but I wished that, a lot. It’s okay, baby. It was always okay. Today I am more in love with you more than I was yesterday... We lost a little bit of time but it’s fine, we still have time now. We will make up for the time we lost.” Jaebeom said brightly, hugging you even tighter, pressing several kisses on your face, making you giggle like a child. 

Both of you kept talking through the night, while all the city lights got out and only the darkness embraced the midnight. 

The intimacy that you two had through the phone, spread through the moment, both of you felt comfortable enough to take off your shirts and you felt comfortable enough not feeling ashamed of it, still laying down with him, pulling one leg around his waist, getting yourself more comfortable around him. His fingertips tracing a path across the skin of your thigh around his waist, running his palms in circles, back and forth, slightly squeezing your skin each time. Your lips touching his collarbone, while your hands ran through his neck, scratching your nails in his nape to his broad shoulder. 

His hands on your body were taking away all of your self-control, and he was barely doing anything. But the fact that he was this close to you, was enough to make your body shiver and the sleepy feeling was away.

Leaving aside the rest of your sanity, you took the leg that was on his waist a little further, supporting your body weight on your knees on top of his waist, taking your two hands to both sides of his face, kissing him hard while feeling his hands travel a path from your thighs to the end of your spine, pulling your body closer, raising both hands to the back of your neck while his forearms kept you attached to his body. Your teeth bit his lower lip, pulling it lightly, while tugging hard the soft hair at the end of Jaebeom's nape, just enough to make him sigh deeply.

“We can slow down, baby… I told you. We have time. There’s no need to hurry.” He said with eyes closed, chest heavily going up and down.

“There’s nothing to slow down here, Jaebeom. I know we have time, but I don’t want to slow anything down, not anymore.” Your voice expressed so much determination that it made him growl and throw his head back like you were tearing down each string of his sanity away. You took the chance and brought your lips towards his exposed neck, touching his skin with your tongue and teeth, gently sucking and biting the skin. You could feel the shiver through his warm body, running your hands through his chest until his hips, digging your nails into his abdomen. He surprised you when his rough hands squeezed both sides of your ass, harshly, making you moan and distract yourself. He changed the position, throwing you on the bed, getting on top of your, taking both of your legs and wrapping them around his waist while he supported himself on his elbows, both of them on each side of your face, his lips sucking your earlobe, then his teeth biting your jaw a bit, running his teeth until the connecting of your neck and shoulder, biting there even harder, making you whimper and dig your nails on his neck. 

“Let me take care of you, baby…” He whispered on your ear, in a husky and dark voice, pulling away from your skin just enough to look at your blushing face, running his thumb on your bottom lip, getting closer and sucking your lip between his, pressing his hips on yours, making you feel that specific hard part. “So beautiful… It’s so unfair that you can have so much power on me.” 

His lips and tongue traced a path through the top of your breasts until you could feel his sinful tongue was underneath the fabric of your bra while his indicator finger hooked in the middles of your bra, pushing it down, enough to show your erect nipples, making easier for Jaebeom’s tongue do what it wanted to do. You sighed feeling his lips wrap around your left nipple, with his tongue circling it precisely, making your hips move unwittingly. His right touched the top of your clothed center, pressing his middle finger precisely on your clit. The moan that came out of your lips was probably the most sinful thing he ever heard, it was extremely pleasing to hear and know that he was the one causing it. 

While his lips did the work on your upper body, his fingers pushed your wet panties aside and when he touched you there, he moaned on your nipple feeling the soaked situation down there. He sat on his heels, pulling away from you until he had a privileged view of his fingers on your pussy like he was mesmerized by that. His gaze on that part of you made your whole body hot, seeing his kind of lost face, appreciating every part of this, made you desperate. 

His index and middle finger dragged your lubrication to your clitoris, massaging him in slow circles, making your legs shake and your waist lift for more friction, digging your nails into the bedsheet. Jaebeom added more pressure on your clit, sliding them towards your wet entrance, slowly pushing then inside, receiving another of your moan*.

“That’s right, baby. Be vocal…” He laid down a bit kissing your lips while pumping fingers inside of you. “Can I eat you out?” He asked in a whisper, making you roll your eyes and moan at the thought of it.

“Why would you even ask me that? Do you think I can be capable of saying no?” You whined, rolling your hips towards his fingers that were working slowly on you.

“Just wanted to make sure,” he said laughing and giving a peck on your lips, before going down on you. “Gonna make you come now, baby.” He promised with his head between your legs, eyes locked on yours while licking a long, hot stripe from your entrance to your clit, still moving his fingers in and out. The image makes you shudder. That devilish gaze was something that would burn on your mind for ages and centuries, the slightest quirk in his eyebrow implying that he knows that he will tear you apart with his tongue. You threw your head back, putting your hands on your forehead, ‘cause that sight was the hottest thing you ever saw on your life. His large hands wrapped around your legs, keeping you steady and his tongue stroke against your clit, his hand gripping your hip harder, suing his tongue mercilessly on you, core clenching around his two fingers that kept coming in and out of you, curving them deep inside you. 

Jaebeom kept that same pace, driving you insane each time. His tongue twirling around your clitoris and his lips sucking it took you over the edge, and your walls tightened around his fingers, nonstop. Eventually, he lets you ride his tongue, rolling your hips back and forth as he buries his face further into you and sucks your clit gently, feeling your hands flown to fist his hair in your palms. He moans an appreciative, greedy sound as you cry out, sending the vibrations straight to your core. And Jaebeom works harder and faster until you are a sobbing mess. Your vision goes white as your thighs quake, short gasps coming out of your mouth, breathless, as you came around his fingers with your hips jerking into his face.

Even with a clouded mind for a few moments, you could still feel Jaebeom's fingers pulling your panties gently off your legs. His lips tracing a path back to your lips

“You good, baby?” He whispered with his left hand at the back of your neck, kissing you softly

“Wonderful.” You whispered back, opening your eyes and wrapping his waist with your legs again. “Wanna me ride you. Thought about that so many times, just listening to your voice...” You looked right inside his eyes, loving to see him roll his eyes.

“Don’t say something like that like this,” he growled, tugging your hair a bit. “Thought about that too. Even though you had no face in my fantasies, I thought about a lot of naughty things with you. Wrote many songs about it, the things I wanted to do with you. You gon’ ride me next time, but now, I want you like this. Under me.”

Did you feel his hand between you two, opening and pulling his pants and underwear enough to release his member, you felt his hard dick brushing against your wet core and moaned at the little friction. Jaebeom made sure to rub it on you several times, while his thick hands tightly gripped your ass, pulling you upwards, making the friction stronger and more needy for both of you.

“I want you like this every day,” Jaebeom whispered against your lips, positioning the tip of his dick on your entrance, entering in you slowly. “I want to make you feel good like this every day,” he gasped feeling your walls tighten around him as he moved slowly inside you, in and out. “Want to love you every day.” The head of his cock alone causes a burning stretch as it spreads you open for him, and his quiet moans making you shiver. He lets his forehead rest against yours whenever feeling you clenching hard around him with a particularly deep thrust, making you rake your nails down his chest in return. 

You cling to him as you wrap your legs around his torso, the change in angle allowing him to hit deeper inside you, both of you panting, you feel him nip at your earlobe. You clench hard around him and he moans directly into your ear, and then you feel him throbbing inside you. Picking up the pace, his thrusts become harder and quicker, more precise as he lifted himself up a little more to look at you, admiring how your eyes would roll back every time. Jaebeom crashes his lips to yours, growling into your mouth as your walls clamp down around his cock, his hand going down on you to firm circles against your clit until you can’t take it no more. You come first, moaning against his lips, Jaebeom comes next, letting tiny whines out of his mouth, and praises at you.

You both stay like that for long minutes, as you come down from your respective highs, sharing lazy kisses as Jaebeom keeps himself laid at the top of your body while you hug him, giving a little peck in his neck. When he rolls to your side his arms wrap around your waist and once again your head is on top of his chest.

“Ok, now we really need to slow down. I have no stamina anymore.” Jaebeom said pinching your ass. “Big spoon or little spoon?” He asks muffled against your skin, with his face stuck in your neck.

“You want to sleep already?” You ask making him look at you with a pout.

“What do you have in mind to keep me awake? It’s past midnight, baby. You need to rest.”

“I thought about show off my cooking skills to you, making that pasta that I know you love,” you received a long and positive ‘hum’ in response as if maybe he was not that sleepy anymore. “And after that, I’ll ride you on my couch.” The nasty words coming out of your mouth make Jaebeom whine.

“Oh god, since when you are such a pervert?” He asked, turning on his stomach on the bed, his face hidden in his pillows, while his broad back exposed. “I love you so much, but I’m starting to think that you don’t really love me.” He lifts his face to the side and looks at you. “Not even three hours of real contact with you and you already have plans about killing me. Don’t know if I can take that, where’s my almost pure Lily?” 

“So, you telling me you don’t want it?” You ask raising your left eyebrows.

“Never said that. I’m a hundred percent down, just let me pick the pieces of my soul and you can call me Khan, Mulan.” He answers quickly. “Yeehaw!”

“Oh god, don’t ruin Mulan with your dirty mind and lame jokes, Jaebeom!” You yell slapping his arm, laughing out loud.

“You are the one to blame, cowgirl.” He laughs too, showering you with kisses everywhere, as both of you roll between the sheets.

The following weeks went by radiantly for both of you. 

Being close to each other, face to face every day made even more difference in your lives, even when you thought it was impossible to him more, day after day being in love was something that continued to be reframed in your life. 

Both of you took small habits from each other. You now spent more time taking care of Jaebeom's five cats than he did himself, Jaebeom now had a habit of actually shopping and cooking, not just eating ramen because he was too lazy to move his own muscles.

You learned from each other daily, you learned more about each other, daily. 

Now, you know how Jaebeom has the habit of getting up early and reading on the floor because it’s cooler there, you know how he scratched his face when he is irritated by some mistake in the song he is working on, you also know that he is fascinated with taking pictures, especially pictures of you. 

You see and give him love in small gestures. You inspire him every day, to be a better and more grateful man. The support you give him is what keeps him going. He already lost count of how many times you stayed nights after nights sleeping on the sofa of his studio because he was worried about the release of his album that was going to be in 3 weeks. He would always tell you to go to bed and you would complain and tell him to shut up that you want to sleep, and he loved that you were even more stubborn than in the messages. He loved how you loved your friends, loved how you loved flowers and lived filling your apartment with jars and jars of it, especially of lily of the valley. He loved you and the way you made him appreciate life and its little details. Jaebeom loved you a little more, every single day.

So, when he asked you to live with him in his apartment, he never regretted it or thought he was going too fast. Now, seeing you carrying your stuff into his house, wearing one of his sweatshirts, he knew it was that. He wanted that for the rest of his life.

"Mark, watch out for my EXO cups! They're limited edition, if you knock them over I'll rip your lungs out!" He saw you yelling at your friend, pointing a finger at the red-haired guy and passing your finger on your throat right after.

"I'm helping you and you yell at me? Yell at Sunny too, equal rights." Mark defended himself, pointing to Sunny who was now placing several small boxes on Jaehyun's arm.

"Shut up, Mark! I'm listening!" Sunny responded by pulling her head out of the car.

"Everyone hates me around here!" Mark said placing the box on the pavement floor and placing both hands on his hips.

"I love you very much, but if you don't go up with this right now, I promise you that Yaya will be a widow even before she gets married." You threatened him one last time, throwing your sandals at Mark, who quickly grabbed the box and ran out to Jaebeom's apartment. Then, you turned towards Jaebeom, with the softest expression and a gentle smile on your face. "What is it, baby?"

He loved you even more now.