#ofc I get the notion that he can hurt people as well but his character revolves around his kindness in particular

[somethingsad]

I kinda don't like the notion that Aqua has to be 'fixed' before he can be loved, idk to me if ur mentally ill u deserve love and understanding even if ur not 'healed', does that make sense?

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

So, Star Trek: Picard - here is my late review of this season as a whole. Spoilers for the whole season under the cut.

   When this show was announced, i remember feeling pretty excited. Not for the expected reason. I mean, I was excited to get to see Picard again because he is a favorite character, but what I was most excited for was to finally see a Star Trek show going to the future again after so long.

   Don’t get me wrong, I do love Enterprise and Discovery, and I don’t even mind the AOS films too much. I truly do. I think they’re very much Star Trek at heart, they’re good shows full of lovable characters and I do adore them, but for ages now I have been wanting to see something set in the Trek universe going to the future, and Star Trek: Picard finally did it.

    Certainly not the way I imagined it going, but I have no problems of the direction it went.

    The last tidbit of information that we had about the Trek universe in the future came from the AOS films saying that Romulus was destroyed. I never particulary enjoyed the idea of having Romulus destroyed in Primeverse and I especially dislike the notion of Vulcan destroyed in the Kelvin Timeline, but tbh? I’m glad Picard made a Big Deal of it. That Romulus being destroyed was something huge and that it had an impact not only for Romulans, but for whole quadrant, for the Federation.

    I think the Federation becoming something more corrupt is quite in character for what we have seen in the previous season. The Federation always had the... potential to do so, and despite what many people say, all Trek shows, even TOS, flirted with this idea.

   it makes a lot of sense and it always did, because the Federation is an institution, and like all institutions it needs to be constantly checked to see it it hasn’t become a parody of itself along the way.

    After the Borg invasion, after the Dominion war, I think is quite in character for the Federation to be wary, to not be eager to offer help to someone who was more often than not an enemy. Even more in character of Picard to be incensed by the idea of not helping a people losing their entire planet.

    Even more in character of Picard to, seeing this and seeing the synth ban, leave the Federation in a failed bluff to get his way, but still being stubborn enough and loyal enough  to his principles to not return to them after the bluff failed, and to say, decades later, that they were indeed wrong.

     so, this is the background of the action - a future where Romulans are essentially refugees, unwanted refugees, not unlike the xBS in Hugh’s cube, where the Federation is very cinical and cold, unwilling to trust so easily, and Picard is an old man, haunted by the loss of a dear friend, and that’s where the heart of this shows lives.

    Emotionally speaking, the heart of Star Trek: Picard is all about Data. All about Data and Picard, how much Picard loved Data, treasured him as a friend, never voiced it and spent twenty years mourning Data without properly dealing with it.

    Picard was always quite emotionally constipated, after all.

    I always thought that Data dying to save Picard would be something that would weight on Picard, but I was surprised to learn in this show how much it hurts him. I dream about you all the time, Picard tells Data in the last episode of the season; You don’t remember your death and I can’t forget it, he also tells him, and these first episodes tells us this. He really dreams about Data, small, little things, and his death is so clearly something he never got over, which is more easily seen when Dahj Asha comes to the picture.

    When Picard learns about who Dahj is, it’s clearly something that deeply affects him. Very clearly that, since he could not save Data, he would do anything to save his daughter, even a daughter Data never met. He’s crushed when Dahj is killed, and once again so determined to save Soji when he learns about her existence.

    I talked about this before - at the end, is all very much about Data, about how Picard never had closure over his death. We, the audience, at least got to hear Data say goodbye in Star Trek: Nemesis. Picard didn’t. All he saw was data transporting him, and then the ship Data was one blowing up. I rewatched Nemesis a short while ago and Picard seems shellshocked in that scene; he can’t hardly speak. I doubted he ever sat down and dealt, properly, with the trauma of this loss and what it meant to him and as a result, he never /quite/ got over Data’s death the way that he perhaps would otherwise.

    This is the emotional heart ot this show, where the heart strings are pulled. Is not the only important thing, ofc, and I should speak a little about the new characters as well.

    Chris Rios, Agnes Juratti, Raffi Musiker, Elnor, Soji Asha, Seven of Nine, Narek, Narissa.

    Chris Rios might be my favorite of the new bunch. Wants to be broody and suave, but it’s actually a sweetheart with a heart on his sleeve. Claims to care about business and getting paid but I don’t think anyone believes him. Santiago Cabrera is doing a wonderful job with him and his many, many holograms.

    Agnes is a character a bit all over the place for me. I like the potential of her and Alison Pill plays her in a very ~adorkable~ kind of way, but I don’t like very much what was done with her so far. I do like that she was able to win over the mindfuck done to her, but overall I don’t think she was used very well so far. I do hope they get  around to it on s2 and give her a better arc.

    Raffi is someone I love dearly. She’s a great character, very smart, with a lot of determination, very sharp, and she’s such a mess. The scene where she’s with her son is very touching, because you can see the hurt on both of them - on Raffi, wanting to do better, on her son, tired of being hurt and not willing to risk getting burned again. She’s cross with Picard at first but once she’s in, she’s so fierce and loyal. An amazing friend to have, and Michelle Hurd plays her really well.

    I talked quite a bit about Soji Asha already, but she’s a character I love dearly. She barely knows herself at this point, but she’s curious, and friendly, clever and so clearly full of emotions. She’s angry and she’s confused, but she has such potential to be a kind, good being, just like her father was. Isa Briones is a wonder with her.

    Elnor is lovely and I absolutely love the idea behind his character, but so far he’s a bit all over the place as well, like Agnes. The show doesn’t seem to know very well what to do with him but I hope they find out yet, because I sure hope he sticks around!

    Narek and Narissa are some of the show’s weakness for me. Not a failure on the actors playing them, but in the narrative itself - they are not compelling characters that you can feel for. I think the last episode gave us a bit more with Narek, but still doesn’t make me feel much for him, and indifference is never a good thing to feel for a character, because it means the plot failed them.

     Is not secret for anyone in this blog that my least favorite Trek show is Voyager. I just think Voyager wasted so many, many many MANY opportunities of being an amazing show and it became just mediocre, but despite my complicated feelings for it, I do love its characters, and it’s no different with Seven of Nine. She’s an amazing character despite everything. despite the objectification and the catsuits, and sexist writers. I also do hate the C/7 end on Voyager (who doesn’t?) so it was a pleasant surprise to see Seven on Picard. It’s really so freaking good to see her out of a catsuit. I was surprised to see her in a role as a ranger, but tbh I like it quite a bit? I wish the show had show us more about how she ended up in this position and if she’s still in touch with her Voyager mates, so I’m hoping s2 will touch on that eventually.

    also Seven/Raffi? Lots of potential here. I love this idea, but tbh I will need more than just tender hand holding between them. Again, hoping season two will step up on it!

     Star Trek: Picard is also very much about this crew of mismatched crew slowly becoming friends, maybe even family eventually. Is about Picard becoming more vulnerable, emotionally, and dealing with his grief over his dear friend, who died protecting him. It’s about the xBs’s lack of place in the galaxy, about the rage of Romulans who lost so much, about the Federation learning to be less ruthless again, maybe.

    Is very much about hope even in the bleakest of the situations, of doing the right thing against all the odds, of being willing to help a friend in need, and I, for one, can’t consider this anything but pure Star Trek, tbh.

   Was it a perfect first season? Like any other Star Trek show, no, of course not, but it has more strong points than weaknesses, and it did deliver a beautiful first season.

[velveetacrackncheese]

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit.  There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.

[txladyj-blog]

This Time Around - Chapter 29

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​ by request of @txladyj-blog​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 30/?

Exhaustion was not the word. In fact, there wasn’t a strong enough word that Jess could pluck out of the air to explain how tired everyone was when they finally rolled back through the gates. The sun was high in the sky and she could tell that Rick and Deanna were on the verge of sending out a search party by the look of the small gathering of worried faces on Deanna’s front lawn.

Enid was the first to climb from the car, followed by Carl, who was promptly swept into Rick’s arms after he’d sprinted across the lawn and path to the gate. Following Rick, was Carol who wasted no time in approaching Daryl and draping her arms over his shoulders. He returned her embrace and Jess sheepishly watched from the other side of the car. She didn’t see such a thing often, or ever, when she really thought about it. Daryl wasn’t a hugger; he’d said it himself. But he made exceptions for Jess and now, as far as she could tell, for Carol too. When he dropped his arms and walked to the car’s trunk, he flung it open and retrieved his crossbow, turning to find that Carol was not satisfied with one hug and no explanation and she was hovering around him with an angry glare.

“Where did you go?! We were worried.” She demanded.

“The girl got taken. Those assholes that attacked this place. Had to go get her.” Was his short and basic reply.

“Oh god, is everybody okay?” She looked around and with her eyes, quickly scanned Carl and Enid, who was awkwardly standing on the side-lines and hugging her torso. Then, she noticed Jess from under her hood, and the harsh bruise across her cheekbone.

“Jess! What happened?!” She cried, surging past Daryl and reaching out to push her hood back. Jess flinched and jolted backwards, swerving out of her reach.

“Oh, I got slapped. It looks worse than it is.” She dismissed, grabbing her backpack from the trunk and throwing it over one shoulder.

“That looks very sore.” Carol mentioned.

“I’ve had more troublesome zits. Honestly, it’s fine.” She assured her.

A light tap on her shoulder saw her flinch again, her uneasiness down to the sudden attention and stares she was receiving. Apparently, their absence had been noticed by most of the town. Enid lowered her hand and twisted it inside the sleeve of her dirty hoodie

“Thank you, guys.” She said quietly. “For coming to get me.”

“Sure. Maybe you should stay inside the walls now from now on though, hmm?” Jess suggested, horrified by the thought of her getting recaptured. Enid, clearly traumatized by her ordeal didn’t have to agree, a slight nod of her head told Jess that she wasn’t likely to be going on another solo jaunt anytime soon.

“Hey, if you need me, just let me know. If you need to get out you can come to the fairground.” She proposed as she took hold of the girls sleeve covered hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. A subtle but genuinely thankful smile was all Enid could manage before she backed away and started walking along the sidewalk.

“Enid, wait.” Carl called out. But before he went to her, he broke away from Rick, veered over to a puzzled Jess and took a quick glance over his shoulder in case anybody was listening. By that point, people were gathering around Daryl, who was being forced into explaining the ins and outs of everything they’d endured for the last day. Jess caught Aaron’s eye across the crowd and he stared, wide-eyed at her cheek and mouthed the words ‘are you okay?’ at her. She nodded and waved him off, replying in the same way and telling him she’d catch him later.

“Jess” Carl whispered “I wanna tell her. I think I have a good shot now.”

“Well, you did blow a guys head off for her. I think so too.” She grinned. The pulling of the tissue in her face when she smiled made the swelling of her bruise thrum with pain, but she pushed it aside.

“How do I know if she likes me back? What if she doesn’t say anything?” he fretted.

“Look at her eyes.” She told him. “When we’re around someone we love, or that we’re attracted to, our pupils dilate. But, Carl…this stuff, it doesn’t happen overnight when it’s complicated by a third person being in the mix. It’s a process and you’ve started it by being there for her and protecting her. She does have a boyfriend and unless she tells you otherwise, you can’t really make a move. Be honest, but respect the boundaries. Got it?”

“Got it. Thanks, for everything.” He said sincerely.

“Don’t be stupid. Go on, now. She’s waiting for you.”

Carl immediately spun around and walked over to Enid and Jess felt a strange sense of pride when she overheard him ask her if he could walk her home. Feeling someone’s eyes on her, she checked the group of people to her left to find Daryl watching her as Rick, Deanna, Carol and Aaron all discussed the information he’d given them.

She held a thumb out and used it to gesture to the gate and he understood that she was telling him that she’d had enough, she was heading home. He wound his way around the group and paced back and forth a couple of times, not content with Jess wandering around alone after everything they’d just been through. Carol noticed his unsettled demeanor and broke away from the others as he started to walk towards the gate, following on after Jess when she disappeared from sight. Carol broke into a jog, tapping his arm and halting him before he left the compound. He turned to find a solid smirk on her face and her lips pursed. She said nothing and her shoulders swished back and forth slightly, as if she were expecting a golden piece of gossip and couldn’t hold back her excitement.

“What?” Daryl sighed.

“You kissed her yet?” She asked boldly.

Daryl huffed to himself but didn’t speak a word, his eyes and body language conveying everything as he shifted from one foot to the other and pushed his lips into a thin line. With one hand on his crossbow strap, the other toyed nervously with a hole in the side seam of his dirty, ripped jeans. Carol could see his ears turning pink and she’d never been so proud of him.

“You have” She stated with a wink.

“Y’know, if money was still a thing, I could have bet a hundred bucks that you were gonna ask me that.” Daryl relayed in exasperation. When Carol was on a mission, she rarely backed down and had her ways of getting what she wanted. Too many people had underestimated her intelligence and cunning. But not Daryl, he knew Carol better than anyone.

“I’m proud of you, Pookie.” She beamed.

“Shut up.” He grunted with a thin layer of amusement.

“Go get her.” She told him as she walked backwards to join the others. “I’ll see you later.”

“Later.” He called back.

*

Jess was pushing through the undergrowth and shoving branches aside when she heard Daryl approach. She didn’t bother to turn around or acknowledge his presence at first, she was concentrating too hard on getting back to the fairground, to her comfortable clothing and bucket of clean water to wash the dust and mud from her skin. More than anything else, she just wanted her bed and she didn’t care one single iota that it was the middle of the afternoon.

“Shouldn’t be out here alone no more.” He heard him express from behind her.

She didn’t stop walking, her boots crunching and snapping twigs under foot as she pressed on. It had been expected, the idea that no one, especially females, should be seen alone outside the walls now a group of armed and dangerous men had been humiliated by having something precious stolen from right under their noses. But Jess wasn’t phased in the slightest. To her, the danger was no more relevant now than it ever had been before.

“In case you hadn’t noticed. I’m a certified badass now.” She boasted. The fencing to her home loomed over the tall bushes in the distance and she’d not been so glad to see it since after the attack on Alexandria

“Never said ya wasn’t.” He felt the need to say, assuring her of his belief in her ability to take care of herself. He hadn’t followed her because he thought she was incapable; he’d followed her for his own peace of mind. That, and the more he’d had to face the notion of losing her and seeing her hurt over the passing weeks, the more he was realizing how deep his feelings really stretched.

“I’m so tired I feel like my eyeballs might fall out of my head and my bones are made of pure dust. I need a shower and around six months of sleep, but sure, follow me home. I don’t mind. Really!” She rambled. Reaching the gate, she unlocked it and wandered inside, shooting him a knowing look while stepping to one side and allowing him inside.

I’m going to sleep if you’re here or not, buddy. But if you want to curl up with me, I won’t say no.

Ignoring her blatant sarcasm, he followed her to the diner, through the door and dropped his tired body onto the edge of the bed, listening to her potter around and clean up. His eyes were heavy and his body ached, the cuts and scrapes on his arms were also starting to sting but he told himself he would deal with them in due course, he had other priorities to handle in the meantime. On the table by the bed, he picked up a piece of white, nylon twine. It was partially braided, neatly and with precision until halfway along, where it had frayed and been abandoned. He set about rectifying it, his problem-solving mind taking to the small task quickly and welcoming something else to focus on aside from how tired he was.

Eventually Jess sank down beside him on the bed and yawned. He noted her sweatpants and loose T-shirt. She most definitely was ready for bed and it wasn’t even dark yet. She observed his fiddly task as he braided the twine and took one of his hands in hers. Her skin was soft and warm and he wanted to hold onto her and snuggle into her like never before but he pushed his urges away and remained stoic. She ran her fingertips over the littering of small cuts across his palms.

“Should really get these cleaned up.” She mused.

“I will.” He mumbled, stealing a glance at her. “How’s the cheekbone?”

She tilted her head back and lowered her eyes, frowning at the result it presented.

“Well, I can see it without a mirror and that can’t be good. I’ll put something cold on it tonight.” She said. Having not had much time to pay any attention to how she might look, it dawned on her that her face must look horrendous for Carol and Aaron to notice it at a distance. She could see for herself that it was swollen and discolored, but to be able to detect the blurry outline of it whenever she looked down meant that her current appearance didn’t bear thinking about. “Heeeey, you guys!” She exclaimed in a deep and slurred voice, hoping that Daryl would catch onto the reference and she wouldn’t have to explain her joke to him.

“You do not look like Sloth. Don’t be an idiot.” He muttered before bringing the twine to his mouth and gripping it with his teeth to tighten it. She decided there and then that she liked him even more for having seen The Goonies and clicking onto her joke so quickly.

Her eyes moved down to his arms. Smeared with dirt and blood and shiny with sweat. She didn’t know how he could look as though he’d been dragged through a swamp but still managed to completely captivate her until she was almost drooling. He certainly was attractive, unconventionally and in a rough and ready kind of way, but knowing the man under the exterior only enforced it.

“You don’t want to go and get some rest?” She enquired.

“Wanna hang around a while, make sure we ain't been followed. You livin’ out here all alone, it ain't such a good idea. Need to keep you around in case ya need to save my life again.”

The last part of his sentence lingered in her head, echoing back and forth and she wondered why he would say such a thing. She hadn’t saved his life back at the college. In fact, the only time she had recently, without doubt, saved his life was when he’d been shot. She remembered Denise’s words while sitting by his bedside with Rick.

‘Guys, he’s not going to make it if I don’t get some blood in him and soon.’

“What do you mean?” She asked

His lips parted and a small breath caught in his throat. He knew he was about to tread on thin ice but he needed to know why she neglected to tell him such a significant piece of information.

“Got your blood in my veins. Can’t just let ‘em have ya.” He uttered.

She stared at the side of his head. His eyes were lowered to his hands where he still fiddled with the twine. He was refusing to look at her. Her stomach lurched. She tried to find the words, tried to come out with something that might help her explain herself but all she felt was dread. She never wanted him to feel indebted. To her, she’d simply helped him out when he needed it. But she was well aware that his train of thought was not akin to hers.

“You know about that.” Was all she could say.

“Yup. Carol. She thought I knew. I should have known. You should have told me.” He said sadly. “Why didn’t you?”

She shrugged wordlessly and lifted her hands in a motion that told Daryl she was searching for some kind of explanation herself. It did little to fill him with confidence.

“Wasn’t much to tell.” She blurted out. Daryl’s eyebrows pinched together and he felt himself flush with anger.

Not much to fuckin’ tell?! Is she playin’ with me right now? She saved my god damn life and she thinks there ain't much to tell?!

“You just needed a top up and I happened to have some spare. That’s all.” She added nonchalantly.

Then, he turned his head and looked at her blasé expression. His face hardened and she could sense he was growing angrier by the second. She may not have wanted him to think much of it, but it was becoming evident that he already did.

“Don’t do that.” He warned her.

“What? Do what?” She asked innocently.

“Don’t you dare fuckin’ trivialize it like that. Carol told me everythin’. She said you almost passed out and I know I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. Why didn’t you tell me, Jess?”

“Alright! Just…don’t get mad at me. Please. We are both too tired for that crap.” She pleaded as she changed position on the edge of the bed, turning her body to face him. “I didn’t say anything because I know what you’re like with accepting help. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything or you needed to thank me. I don’t want any of that. I just wanted you to be okay and you are and that’s all that matters.”

“But Jess…I do” He said softly. His tone had changed dramatically and she wanted to hug him for trying to understand instead of flying off the handle and being impulsive “I do owe you-”

“-No! See! No. You Don’t.” She interrupted with one finger extended at him “I couldn’t sit around and wait for you to die when I had what was needed to help you. Don’t make this a big deal. You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. It was nothing, do you hear me?”

He didn’t know what to say and the seconds turned into long, drawn-out minutes. Jess fiddled with the edge of her T-shirt, rolling up the hem and letting it down again. She held her fingers to her face under her eye and winced at the pain. It was all she could do not to focus on how mortified she was at how he’d forced her to be so honest.

“I get it” She heard him say eventually “If it was you…I’d do the same thing.”

“So, you can’t be mad at me for not telling you.” She threw in, hoping that whatever he was feeling was not going to manifest into an irate barrage of questions and a telling off. When he rested a hand on her knee and sighed deeply, she told herself that maybe just maybe, she should give up assuming things about Daryl and just wait for him to surprise her, although that was easier said than done.

“I ain’t mad ‘atcha. Just don’t want ya to keep shit from me. You don’t want me to owe ya, fine, I won’t. But you gotta know that I’m grateful. More than you know.”

Her thoughts began to bustle in her head. So many ideas and notions, explanations that had no foundations. Jess was an overthinker when it came to such affairs and being exhausted wasn’t helping. She tried to keep herself in check, to follow a more logical train of thought rather than letting her emotions take over. But self-doubt was also playing a part and as she thought back over their last kiss and their conversation in the fairground, she couldn’t help but wonder;

Is this why he’s been so into me? Is this why he started that conversation? Is this why he kissed me the way he did before Carl turned up? Because he was…grateful?!

“I um, I’m not keeping anything else from you.” She lied “Can we just move on from this now?”

She suffered the weight of the things she hadn’t told him and didn’t plan on admitting. Mainly, that she was so in love with him that she could barely think about anything else.

“K” He grumbled. “M’sorry I was a dick in the car yesterday”

Reassured that the subject was over and done with, she resigned herself to the fact that he wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon and if she was completely truthful, she just wanted to sleep.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t exactly polite either.” She responded.

“Just didn’t want my best friend to get killed.” He added.

It hit her like a freight train. Jess was certain she could feel a piece of her heart crumble away at the words. It was everything she didn’t want to hear, but should have been happy to nonetheless. Unable to help feeling totally crushed by being labelled as his best friend and nothing more, she put on the bravest face she could but felt the resentment swelling deep inside her. She’d held out for so long, hoping that one day, he would tell her that the reason he kissed her was because he liked her or, she would never be able to trust what was happening and now, she felt like her paranoia and overthinking was justified; he was probably only kissing her because it was a way to occupy his time, have a little fun and thank her for saving his life.

“Best friend? Are we in 5th grade?” She complained. Her thinly veiled irritation rolled off of her tongue and she could barely control it.

“Forget it.” He scoffed.

“No, I’m serious. Should we have matching bracelets or something? I could make some, decorate them with little seashells. It’d be cute.” She snipped.

Part of her didn’t care if he picked up on her very deliberate sarcasm. It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to bite.

“I got an idea, why don’t we just sit… and not talk.” He announced.

“Fine by me” She shuffled back on the bed, and crawled up to the pillow. She lay on her side, facing him and fought to keep her eyes open, the events of the last few hours taking their toll as well as the devastating blow of finding out that her hopes for her relationship with Daryl had been well and truly dashed.

She could see him fiddling with the twine but took no notice as she traced the edge of the quilt with her fingertip. He turned his body to face her, bending his leg on the bed and held something out to her. Her vision flickered up to the object in his hand and she stared down at his fingers, which were holding a white bracelet made from the twine he’d braided.

She gradually looked up at him, observing his somewhat apprehensive expression and just like that, half of the sadness and disappointment she felt dropped away into nothing. He still thought the world of her, he still cared about her and he still saw her as the most important person in his life.

She smiled as she pinched the bracelet between her fingers and slid it onto her wrist. He helped her to fasten it and she rolled onto her back, holding her arm above her to admire her new piece of jewelry. It was as though she could literally feel the intensity of his stare every time his eyes fell onto her and that moment was no different. She made eye contact with him and let out a small snort of laughter, pleased when he did the same.

“Best friends” she repeated thoughtfully. “Best friends don’t usually make out like we do.”

Never one to fall at the first hurdle, she’d made a last, ditch attempt to dig for more. Bringing up their secret trysts almost made the ‘best friends’ label seem a little ridiculous to her and she wondered if he saw it the same way.

“No. They don’t.” He agreed.

She blinked at the ceiling in pure confusion.

What the hell does that mean, Daryl?! You just gave me a damn friendship bracelet but yesterday we were sucking face and almost having a discussion about this whole mess. Do I keep asking?! I’ll just annoy him. Because I’m annoying for needing to know. Why can’t he just be straight with me?! I need him to be straight with me. He is so frustrating!

“You…got any idea why we do?” She persisted.

“Do you?”

“It’s rude to answer a question with another question, Stinky.” She snapped. “Not to mention annoying as shit.”

Daryl was intuitive and Jess’s frustration was certainly not lost on him. He’d dug himself enough of a hole to want to crawl back out of it, hating the idea of her being upset because of him. To make things right, he had to give her something, anything that would allow her some clarity. Unwilling to dispel everything that was happening inside his head too soon, he conceded that for the time being, something small would have to suffice, at least until he was ready to face his feelings…or he would mess everything up forever.

He leaned over her, bracing himself on one arm by her side and with his other hand, he moved a lock of dark hair from her forehead. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dim room and she lay entirely still. He lowered his head and brushed the tip of his nose on hers, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. Then, he pressed a tender kiss to her lips and all at once, her head emptied momentarily and all she could think about was his lips on hers and how their kiss grew more and more eager by the second.

Oookaaaaay. I don’t care if he sees me as a friend, or a girlfriend, or a frickin’ lampshade right now. This kiss is…everything.

She lifted her arms, feeling the twine bracelet indent onto her wrist when she rested it over his broad shoulders. The palm of her other hand smoothed over his dirty, toned arm and he dragged himself closer still, moving further over her and seeking entry with his tongue. Jess’s body lit up when she heard him groan and felt his hand grip at her hip, pushing her down into the mattress and lowering more of his body onto her. He gasped against her and she swallowed hard and panted when he pulled away and dragged a thumb across her lower lip, pink and swollen from his unplanned and suggestive kiss. His chest heaved against hers while he caught his breath and he dipped his head again, gently kissing along her jawline until he reached her ear.

“Do it ‘cause I like it.” He whispered to her shakily.

When she managed to turn her head and find his eyes, he was staring raptly at her with a hunger she hadn’t seen before. He breathed heavily with teeth ever so slightly bared until something in him seemed to click, his eyelids flickered and he crawled backwards, away from her and resumed his initial position on the edge of the bed.

He had to move away. There was no doubt in his mind that if he stayed where he was, with her under him and kissing him the way she did, letting him lavish such attention on her, he would have hazarded taking things to the next level. His body was screaming at him to make a move, to forge a connection that deep down, he knew was there but she was too precious and valuable for him to encourage her into a situation that he wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in.

He closed his eyes when he sensed her run her fingers down his upper arm and tried to gain some control over the testosterone surging through his veins. But her touch and the hushed tones of her soft, tuneful voice just sent another tidal wave of lust crashing over him.

“I like it too” She whispered.

His jaw tightened.

Shit. She does somethin’ to me. This is fuckin’ intense. I gotta leave.

“Uh…I’ma head back to the house. Talk to Rick. You should get some rest.” He told her.

“O-okay.” She squeaked, a little disappointed and having changed her mind about him staying.

He sprang up and walked to the door, positioning one hand on the handle and pausing. She saw the air leave his lungs and his shoulders sagged. His cheeks and across his nose were a faint, red hue, as if he’d been flustered.

“I’m not…I’m not leavin’ ‘cause I want to. I-I wanna stay n’…” He stammered with a head full of things he wouldn’t dare say to her for fear of offending her or scaring her away. But he wished he could just stay with her, kiss her and explore her until night crept in and morning arrived. ”…never mind. See ya tomorrow.”

She opened her mouth to call out to him, to stop him from leaving but he was out of the door and barreling towards the gate quicker than she could lift her head from the pillow.

*

Two hours of sitting on Aaron and Eric’s front porch the next morning did not turn up one sighting of Daryl and Jess was starting to become suspicious. She also hunted on her own, bringing back a rather rotund Opossum which she proudly dumped on the ground in the entrance to the pantry, just in time to find Coffee being poured. Her face felt better, the swelling had reduced and she was left with a dark bruise that would be a distant memory in a few days.

Of course, Aaron had pestered her for the latest developments in her quest to bag Daryl as a boyfriend but she’d brushed him off, telling him white lies about how nothing had happened besides a little meaningless flirting and that she would never have a chance with him anyway. The latter part ringing a little truer than she’d hoped.

The night before had left her with even more unanswered questions and a new source of anxiety; what if things had progressed into a new realm where clothes were shed and it was no longer a few stolen kisses they were having to contend with? Was that what he wanted? Was that what he was thinking while he was looking down at her, his body heavy on hers and his heart like a hummingbird in his chest?

She wished she could tell Aaron, if anything just to vent to someone. He’d earned her trust and his place as her friend. But the situation was too messy and complex for her to go blabbing to someone else. She couldn’t risk it getting out, even by accident and other people finding out. It would be the end to her spark with Daryl, no more kisses, no more friendship. Nothing.

Instead, she relayed their trip to rescue Enid in graphic detail, making Eric cringe into his coffee mug when she explained how Carl blew someone’s brain to pieces with a shotgun at the tender age of thirteen. For the duration of her stay, her attention didn’t leave the front gate, which could be easily monitored from Aaron and Eric’s house. With still no sign of Daryl and breakfast coming to an end, she bid the guys farewell and attempted to cross the street with the intention of checking the bench by the pond for any signs of Carl so she could get an update on someone else’s love life and temporarily ignore the chaos of her own.

“Jess, wait.” Aaron’s voice, a little winded from jogging after her, stopped her at the side of the road. He touched her arm and motioned with his head towards the side of a house they’d just passed. She followed him out of earshot of the gate guards and any passers-by. “I know you’re lying to me.” He told her. She almost asked him exactly what he thought she was lying about when it all clicked in her head. “Something happened with Daryl, didn’t it?”

“What are you, psychic or something?” She huffed.

“You haven’t stopped looking at the gate since you sat down. I take it you’re looking for him? What’s going on, Jess? I promise you, I will not repeat it to anyone. If I do, you have permission to tear down my license plate collection and replace them with whatever you want”

She tapped her thigh with her fingers and sucked both lips into her mouth while she pondered over not only how much to disclose, but also what she would replace Aarons license plate wall with.

“Movie posters? John Hughes movies?” She asked

“Alright, yes.”

“Fine. We kiss. That’s a thing.” She muttered.

“That’s great…isn’t it?” He asked, perturbed by the exasperated look on her face.

“Yeah. I guess. I mean, he’s damn good at it. It’d be a whole lot better if I actually knew if he felt anything for me. But he always manages to skirt around the subject.” She explained with a large sigh.

“Daryl isn’t the kind of guy to go around kissing people, Jess. I’m willing to bet that if he kisses you, it’s because he likes you.” He tried to reason. But her face was still downcast and he sensed her nervous fidgeting was down to there being more to the story.

There was and until then, Jess had never mentioned a single word to another soul about the reasons why she needed a solid, definitive answer from Daryl. Why she couldn’t possibly bring herself to believe that Daryl would like her as anything more than a friend. She’d never been able to express her distrust in any compliments she received, never seen herself as worthy of anything more than a friendship and never knew what it felt like to be wanted and desired by someone.

“Before the turn, I met this guy. He was gorgeous, Aaron. Just…wow. All the signs were there. He told me he cared about me. Took me a while, because I’m not the girl that guys want to date, but I ended up believing that he genuinely liked me. I was horribly wrong. It was my best friend that he was into. I knew from then on that it would just never happen for me and I would never again be naïve enough to think that someone liked me.”

“Daryl Dixon is different, Jess.” Aaron assured her.

“Yeah.” She agreed “He is. He is so much more than I could ever dare to hope for. I don’t want to get hurt and lose my friend because I was fool enough to think that he would ever want me like that. I am not that girl, Aaron. I’m not good enough for him.”

Aaron was regarding her with a disbelief that she’d never seen in him before. He was looking at her as if she’d completely lost her mind. She even thought that she detected a slight hint of anger in his eyes but knew deep down that if he did feel anything of the sort, it would be because he cared and didn’t like seeing her so down.

“Listen. Between you and I, Eric thought the same for a long time. He couldn’t believe that I wanted to be with someone like him. He felt like he didn’t have much to offer. But all he had to do was let me show him that he did have things to offer. I just didn’t understand at first, I didn’t think I was anything special, least of all not the way he made me out to be” He paused to brush hair from her face, blown across her eyes by the breeze. “But I didn’t see myself the way he did. Daryl, he doesn’t see you the way you do. Nobody does. It’s all perception, individual to each person. Daryl barely even speaks to people, let alone kisses them. So, for him to do that with you…it must mean something to him. I don’t think you should write it off without giving him a chance to figure out what he’s doing. Just enjoy it, there’s no harm in that. It’s obvious he cares about you and he would never hurt you deliberately. You earned a little fun, girl. Have at it.”

“I hope you’re right.” She said.

“There’s a reason I’m a recruiter. I’m a good judge of character. I know that kissing you is not a decision that Daryl would have taken lightly. Give him a little more time. But it doesn’t mean you should stop having fun. You get what I’m saying?”

“Yes” She whispered, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He placed his hands on her back and welcomed the embrace.

“And don’t sell yourself so short. You’re awesome.” He concluded while rubbing one of her shoulder blades.

*

Feeling like a fraction of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders from sharing her burden with Aaron, Jess swore him to secrecy, thanked him and made her way to the pond. She found it empty and dropped herself onto the seat, sticking her legs out straight in front of her and crossing them at her ankles.

“Penny for ‘em.” Said a deep, southern voice from behind her. She sat up slightly and twisted in her spot to find Abraham trundling through the flower bed. Turning back and running a hand through her hair she let out a long breath.

“You do not want to know,” She replied.

“Wouldn’t be askin’ if that were true.” He corrected as he sat down at her side. With Abraham not being a small man, the bench creaked as he settled.

“It’s nothing. Just me overthinking.” She said.

Abraham craned his neck and caught sight of the bluish bruise on her face.

“Woah, what’s with the Taint n’ tarnish, Sweetheart?” He asked with a deep concern on his face. His large fingers pinched at her chin and angled her face so he could get a better look. She tapped his wrist and he let go.

“Enid got kidnapped. Daryl and I fought like a cat and dog on the way to get her because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch that won’t ever accept that I’m right. Anyway, we went to college to get the girl back. Carl hid in the trunk and almost cooked himself to death so we had to take him with us. Some asshole landed a nice, dry slap across my face so I shot the bastard in the eye with an arrow. Daryl blew everybody else up with an RPG and Carl shot a guy in the head with a shotgun and decorated the sidewalk with teeny, tiny little pieces of brain matter. Enid, well she did as she was told and made it back in one piece and then we all camped in the woods and came home.” She surmised in as short a version as possible.

“I know the world went to shit n’ all but…what in blue blazes?!” he questioned in disbelief. She yawned and rubbed at her eyes, still enduring the exhaustion from the days before. “Honey, look at you. You’re a damn mess.”

“Thank you for the compliment.” She growled while side-eyeing him.

“Ahh cmon, who I gotta kill to get a smile outta you?” He tried in an attempt to lift her spirits.

“Nobody. Really” she smiled.

“If you insist. Looks like I’ll have to save my ridicule for another time.” He leaned back and crossed his huge arms. Jess felt positively dwarfed by his size at times but she never once found him to be intimidating or overbearing. She’d only known him since Rick’s group arrived at Alexandria but within days, and despite her efforts to distance herself from just about everyone, his jokes and big personality had won her over almost immediately. Being around Abraham took her back to before the turn, to her childhood and growing up with a brother in the military and being surrounded by his friends.

“You remind me of my brothers’ friends, y’know” She told him.

“They handsome sons of guns too?” he grinned.

“I meant in the way that you make fun of me with your general annoying bastardness.”

“Ahh ain’t nothin wrong with a little teasin’, a little flirtin’. Keep the blood pumpin’. You know I’m only playin’ around with ya though, right?” He checked, leaning forwards enough to see her reaction.

“Yeah. I know. That was the thing with them, they’d tease me like there was no tomorrow but they were super protective too. I was lucky in that respect.” She expressed.

“Can bet ya ass a lot of folks in here would be just as protective of ya. Aint no point being alone no more. Can’t do nothin’ without people in this world. Still, you got Daryl so, you’re set, right?” He smirked, waiting for her to flare up and tell him it was none of his business and to stop bringing it up.

“We’re friends.” Was all she said.

“And I’m Mary Poppins.” He laughed.

She didn’t bother to put him right, mainly because she wasn’t even sure it would be right anymore. How could she correct people if she didn’t know what they were herself? She hated all the uncertainty, the lack of consistency and the fact that she had been so patient until now. Until it was starting to grate on her. She knew Aaron was right and giving Daryl time to figure things out was the right thing to do. Having fun with it certainly seemed like an appealing idea too, but she wasn’t sure she could continue with such an indulgence if it meant her getting hurt at the end of it.

Abraham didn’t move an inch when Jess rested her head against his arm. He knew that for her to do such a thing, she must have needed it and so, he left her where she was and ceased conversation. Bees and birds flitted around the pond, a welcome reminder that nature was still rolling on as best it could, no matter what else was happening to the world. The only sounds came from people wandering past on the street and the repetitive sounds of shovelling from the vegetable patch.

“Why can’t everyone just be honest with each other, Abe?” Jess uttered out of the blue.

“Why are dingleberries brown? Just the way shit is, sweetheart.” He answered.

*

That afternoon, Deanna called for Jess, Daryl, Enid, Carl and Rick to discuss Enid’s kidnapping and the possibility of another attack. It was the first time Jess had laid eyes on Daryl since their kiss the previous night. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been actively avoiding her. So, when he bumped into her, alone in the hallway and tickled the outside of her hand as he passed, she was so astonished it took her at least a minute to enter back into reality and deal with the task at hand.

Upon entering the main room of the house, she found everyone else present and Daryl skulked off into the corner, perching on a wide window ledge. He met her eye when she appeared but quickly looked away, wanting to maintain the air of secrecy around what was happening between them. But Jess had questions. What he’d done in the hallway was different. A new kind of affection that was a world apart from a sexually charged kiss. It was the kind of passing attention that was shown between two people in a relationship and even though she couldn’t deny that she didn’t hate it one, little bit. It had confused her even more. Best friends did not affectionately tickle hands in hallways and they certainly did not lay on beds kissing. It always felt like some days she was getting somewhere, moving along slowly but surely, lured into thinking that he wouldn’t kiss her if he didn’t see her in that way. And then, he would do something contradictory, like dubbing her his ‘best friend’ and drop kicking her firmly into the friend zone. Why did she have to fall for someone so complicated? Why could he not just tell her what he wanted for sure?

Asked for her take on what happened, Jess clearly ran through the process of Enid's rescue, telling the room that the man she’d spoken to informed her that there were around a hundred of them, probably slightly less due to the amount that were killed that day and about the branding on their hands. Daryl got up and without a word, picked up a pen and drew the branded symbol on a piece of paper at Deanna's desk before going back to his perch at the window. A concerned silence filled the room as the towns leader and Rick swapped a glance and after what felt like an age, Denna finally announced that she wanted training to be stepped up even more. Rick suggested visiting the college to see if any more of the men had been sent as replacements, or if anyone was still alive. If they could capture one and drain them of information, they would be in a better position to plan. The idea was met with some doubt by Deanna who wasn’t keen on the idea of having to keep one of them behind the wall and mentioned that they could be opening themselves up for another attack.

“A hundred men, all armed is quite the threat.” She stated.

“The guy said they weren’t all in that College. I can’t vouch for his credibility. We saw around fifteen when we were there. All of them were dead when we left. I have no idea where the rest are.” Jess explained.

“We still have women missing. Daryl, did you see any other prisoners?” Rick asked with his hands on his hips and stirring Daryl from his stillness across the room.

“Naw, just Enid.” He grunted in response.

“They don’t keep them there.” Enid mumbled from the couch next to Carl.

“What was that, honey?” Deanna encouraged, missing the girl's muffled comment.

“They don’t keep the rest of the women they take at that place. It’s a halfway point.” She told her.

Now, Daryl moved and stood up, thudding into the middle of the room by Rick. Jess avoided his gaze from where she sat, on the arm of the couch next to Carl.

“You know where the rest are?” Daryl questioned.

“No. I’m sorry. I just heard them saying they were keeping me there until they found enough gas to make the journey and move me in with the others.” Enid said.

Carl fiddled with his hands in his lap, uneasy about hearing Enid talk about being in the clutches of the dangerous group that had taken her.

“Look, these guys, there might be a lot of them but from what I saw, they’re dumber than a box of hair.” Jess announced with confidence. She’d not seen an ounce of training or logic in their behavior which matched the way they bombarded Alexandria with mass murder and terror. They used sheer numbers and the element of surprise. It wasn’t perfectly planned or stealthy by any stretch of the imagination.

Carl couldn't help but laugh at Jess’s take on it and he clocked Enid smiling at him.

“She’s right. I ain't never seen nothin’ so disorganized.” Daryl added “All runnin’ around like they didn’t know which way was up. Willin’ to bet they think women just sprout from the earth and they’re plannin’ on comin’ back for the harvest.”

Tapping the papers on her desk with a pen, Deanna sighed and pursed her lips as she scanned the faces of the people in the room. The threat was more real than ever. Many of the townspeople had perished in the attack and since then, they’d kidnapped a teenager and tried to kill those who set off to rescue her. Such an embarrassment was unlikely to be forgotten and the prospect of Alexandria having more of what they really wanted was too great for them to ignore. She had to act.

Deanna zoned in on Jess “You need to move inside the walls”

Jess’s back prickled and her shoulders went back. Her defenses shot up. She’d worked hard for her home, to create a place where she felt safe and was allowed to be herself and she wasn’t about to give it up for anything.

“No. No. Absolutely not. Non-negotiable.” She confirmed.

“Jess-” Rick tried

“I said no.” She snapped. “I’ll help in any way I can. If you need volunteers to go back to that place and scope it out, I’ll do it. But I’m not moving. Let me know once you make a decision.” She headed to the door, expecting someone to stop her but no one moved or uttered a word. When she vacated the room, Rick threw Daryl a knowing look.

Make her move inside the walls, Daryl.

*

She left Deanna’s house so fast that no one, let alone Daryl had the chance to stop her. She raced down the steps and across the lawn to the gate, tripping on a piece of wood in the process. She stumbled forwards, her hands shooting out and her heart lurching in her chest. Managing to keep herself upright and overcome with fury. She spun around, picked up the piece of wood and launched it into the street, the impact shattered it into tiny pieces. If it wasn’t for her lips being tightly pressed together, there would have been no doubt about her turning the air blue with cuss words. Footsteps from behind her accompanied cigar smoke and she let out a sigh.

“Wow, someone’s wound up tighter than a bull’s asshole in fly season, huh?” Abraham observed with his eyebrows raised. He moved around her, checking her expression and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, just tired.” She uttered.

“You need to let loose a little, maybe get yourself laid, it’s amazing how a clear out of the pipes can stop you being such a crankosaurs.” He suggested with a playful nudge of her arm.

“Abe.” She warned, rolling her eyes.

“Just a suggestion. I’m not volunteering” He chuckled “but if you beg me, I’ll be forced to have mercy.”

Daryl clicked the door to Deanna’s house shut as Jess threw the wood into the road during her tantrum and sent splinters flying everywhere. From the front porch, he leaned against a pillar and lit a smoke, listening to the conversation happening below.

“In your dreams” Jess shot at Abraham with a point of her finger. She left him laughing to himself and headed for the gate. Daryl descended the steps a little quicker than he’d intended but he had to move fast if he wanted to catch Jess before she left. She was striding with purpose at the gate, about to vanish from sight. His speed was decent enough to catch up but his demeanor was calm on the outside. Abraham wasn’t being fooled; he could tell that he was in a rush to catch her.

When he finally reached her, he thoughtlessly jabbed at her shoulder, waited for her to turn to him and dragged her by her wrist into the shadow of the wall beside the gate. He slammed a hand on the wall beside her to stop her from running away before he’d said his piece.

“You ain't goin’ back there. Deanna’s right, you gotta move inside the walls” He instructed.

Hey eyes grew wide with a stunned stare and rage suddenly flooded her mind and clouded her judgement and she struggled to keep it under wraps.

“No” She answered clearly while looking him right in the eye.

“Can’t just stay out there all by yourself. Told ya before, I need you to live.” He reminded her.

“Why?”

“What do ya mean, ‘why’? Kinda question is that?” He dropped his arm and backed up, aware that she seemed to have switched and her irritation towards him was founded in something a lot bigger than just him giving her orders.

“Look, I know you feel like you owe me for giving you my blood and we act like two middle schoolers kissing in secret, but it doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do. Only my family could do that and seeing as we’re not related, you don’t have a say.”

He tried to reach out and touch her hand but she ripped it away from him, her eyes narrowing and her back hitting the house behind her.

“You can’t keep doing this to me.” She uttered.

“Doin’ what?” He questioned.

Kissing me and telling me what to do like an overprotective husband and then friend zoning me

“Forget it. I have to go.” She grumbled.

She stormed off, flustered and shaking with a toxic mix of nerves and anger. Daryl tilted his head back and breathed out a long sigh before kicking the wooden panel on the wall.

“…Fuck…”

The surface dented and his toes ached with pain but it was welcomed as something else to think about. Something other than how tetchy Jess had become and how he only really had himself to blame. He turned on his heels and marched off.

*

Outside the walls, Jess kept walking along the main road, missing the shrouded path to her home in the woods and equipped her hood and mask. She tugged her machete from her belt and swung it by her side as she strutted towards the end of the street. When she reached a row of abandoned cars, all parked at different angles like a bad attempt at Tetris, she turned her machete around, gripped it by the blade and began hammering the handle on the metal body work of each Vehicle, walking slowly as she went. The louder the better. Killing Walkers was the norm for Jess, but she still could never quite shake that niggling fear that pestered her every time she was faced with one. But as long as she kept them at the end of her machete or bow, she managed just fine. 

Before long, she was pleased to find two of them staggering along the side of a house and snarling as they went. They were both female and one was somehow hobbling along with only half a foot left. Both of them were considerably decomposed and their summertime barbeque outfits were barely noticeable anymore. Jess flipped her machete back and ran at them, ignoring her usual spike of fear, skidding to a stop in front of them and kicking the woman in front in the stomach. The impact sent them both careering backwards and onto their backs, one on top of the other. Her blade was nowhere near as clean as it used to be. In fact, she hadn’t cleaned it since she’d used it to slit a man’s throat at the college and so, it failed to glint in the sun when she drove it down onto the Walkers, hacking at them like they were firewood. With each blow, a cry of frustration left her body and with that, went a tiny fraction of the confusion and turmoil in her head. She needed to blow off steam and chopping Walkers into bite sized chunks was the only effective way she could think of at the time.

*

Rosita, who was sitting on the steps to her house, clicked her fingers at Abraham and pointed to the empty space on the step beside her. She was used to Abe’s flirtatious and outgoing personality, never really seeing it as a negative and happy in the knowledge that if he was any other way, she wouldn’t have been all that interested. He kept her days interesting and her nights fulfilled.

“You are a terrible flirt, you know that? Good job I’m so self-assured, huh?” She glowered at him playfully as he lowered himself down beside her with a grunt.

“Flirt? That was just for giggles, Mamasita. All my flirting is saved for you.” He grinned. He reached behind them, grabbing a half empty bottle of whiskey that he’d been working his way through. Rosita had told him countless times that he was only going to dehydrate himself and that necking whiskey on the daily was only going to cause him problems. But his selective hearing meant that he simply ignored her advice and only listened to what he wanted to hear.

“Hmm. It better be.” She winked at him.

They had both looked over at the gate in time to see Jess storm away from Daryl and leave the compound. He was visibly annoyed and the curse word that left his lips was obvious even at such a distance.

“Things are still at a stalemate there then.” Abe mentioned.

“What?” Rosita asked.

“Daryl. He’s keen on Jess.” He told her.

“What the hell are you talking about now? I don’t see that. They’re just friends.” She expressed.

“Oh yeah? Watch this and tell me he doesn’t like her.” He challenged with a smug grin. He used the black, iron railings to hoist himself up from the step and was soon pacing over to where Daryl was wandering along the sidewalk. Rosita shook her head at his childish need to be right in every given situation.

“She seems a little cranky” Abe pointed out to a stony-faced Daryl.

Feeling like Abraham was deliberately picking the wrong moment to state the obvious, Daryl stopped and bit his lip, taking a couple of seconds to keep his impulses in check. Everything in him wanted to release his temper and start yelling at Abraham, asking him what the hell it had to do with him and why he couldn’t just back off and leave Jess alone. Being in the middle of a quiet street, Rosita’s listening ear had not gone unnoticed and with little interest in getting into a confrontation with anyone else, Daryl opted to try and stay as calm as possible

“She’s tired. Getting’ Enid back, took it outta both of us.” He admitted.

It wasn’t wholly an untruth, he could tell Jess was still feeling the after effects, as was he. But the real reason for the tension between them was coming from something else, something that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle.

“Seems to me she’s lacking more than sleep.” Abraham suggested boldly. “Needs to get laid. Maybe I should help her out.”

Daryl heard Rosita scoff from where she was sitting in front of the door to her home and he couldn’t even begin to think what Abraham thought he was playing at. Rosita was not the sort of fiery, Latino woman he would want to go up against. He checked the rest of the street, Rick was heading home and Carl and Enid were strolling in the direction of the pond, immersed in conversation. He instantly thought of how happy Jess would be to see them spending more time together, if she hadn’t been too irate to stay. Abraham was taller than Daryl but he wasn’t about to let that intimidate him, the subject matter was extremely important to him and it was for that reason that cracks began to show in his calm façade. His teeth pushed together and his jaw went rigid.

“Look, there ain’t no bad blood between you n’ me. But you stay away from her. Ya hear me?” he advised.

“Why? If you ain’t going to do it, it ain’t fair to keep her away from those that will.” Abraham continued with a sense of mischief to his voice. “Hell, Daryl, better it be me than that yellow-bellied son of Deanna’s. He’s been checking her out at every given opportunity.”

“Why you so set on this, huh? You got a girl, man” It was a complete mystery to Daryl, who thought it a little counterproductive to attempt to see two women at once. His brother proved it frequently by saying he was with one girl while in the midst of trying to woo another. The resulting drama always ended the same way, in a fight or with his truck getting keyed. It always ended in disaster and Daryl could never understand why no one could ever be content with what they already had.

Abraham took a peek over his shoulder to see Rosita gesturing wildly to him to put Daryl out of his misery and stop winding him up. His booming laugh filled the street and he landed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, gently shaking it.

“I’m yankin’ your chain.” He confessed. Daryl just shrugged him off. He could have done without it and would much rather have been left alone to figure out the mess that was his relationship with Jess “Sure are touchy about this subject though.”

“It ain't what it looks like.” Daryl declared.

“I don’t give two short n’ curlies what it looks like, man. She’s into you. You’re into her. What are you waitin’ for? A goddamn bus? Get it done, buddy.”

With that, he delivered a wink to Daryl and sauntered over to where Rosita was sitting. She punched his arm and unleashed a torrent of Spanish swear words while he laughed heartily and fished around in his pants pocket for a cigar.

*

The next day a decision was made; Deanna ordered all training sessions to be bumped up to twice a week and everyone that was able to hold a knife was to be taught how to use it effectively. Lookouts were to be set up along the main road to the gate with a checkpoint made at the end of the street. Manning them would be taxing but Rick stepped in with another roster to keep things ticking over smoothly. Jess, Aaron and Daryl were asked to sweep a local hardware warehouse for materials to make the checkpoint and lookouts. They were to take two trucks and return with as much as they could fit into them. Deanna’s pleas to Jess to move inside the walls fell on deaf ears once more and instead she set about doing everything she could to help prepare for any future attacks.

She didn’t see Daryl hunting that morning, the second morning in a row. She couldn’t say she was surprised given that their last exchange had been less than friendly and she’d spent that afternoon carving up Walkers and leaving them in bloody piles around the neighborhood. She could feel his eyes on her as Deanna announced her plans but she didn’t once look at him, having spent the entire night mulling over the last few days, weeks even and coming to some kind of conclusion as to how to proceed.

Aarons words stayed with her and she had to give some credit to his ideas, especially the notion to just go with it and have some fun for the time being. Kissing Daryl was the most fun she’d had in her whole life and she’d been starkly aware of its absence during their three-week hiatus after dislocating her shoulder. He’d told her he’d missed her and he didn’t mean in the sense that he hadn’t seen her, he meant that he missed kissing her and she felt exactly the same. After all, how could she not miss kissing the most attractive man she'd ever set eyes on? The man she loved. 

Letting off steam and spending some time thinking about things with Aarons view on it had certainly helped clear her mind of the useless, overthought clutter that had accumulated. She felt much more able to make an informed decision about how she would handle things from then on and when she found herself standing in Aaron and Eric’s living room, drawing X’s on a map under Daryl’s watchful eye, she told herself that she was going to lock the previous day away in the past.

Requiring refreshments in order to think straight, Aaron declared he was going to make some coffee and promptly left the room. From where she was, leaning on the back of the couch, Jess monitored Daryl’s movements and her eyes followed him as he slowly ambled to the window. He’d not said a word to her but he had spent a considerable amount of time looking at her. She followed him to where he stood, silently peering through the gap in the blinds.

“I’m sorry. About yesterday.” She said with sincerity.

An uncomfortable quiet was what followed and Jess felt panic begin to rise when he didn’t respond straight away.

“I pissed ya off.” He finally admitted “I’m the one that should be sorry. Just want you to be safe.”

His lack of conversing with her had little to do with him not wanting to speak to her. He wasn’t angry at her, nor was he sulking in any way. He simply didn’t have anything to say and until he knew that she was ready to mend things, he was going to keep his mouth shut.

“I know.” She assured him.

“You still mad at me?” He asked sheepishly.

“No. I’m not mad at you”

He held her gaze as he peered at her sideways, unable to drag his eyes away from a face he’d grown so fond of. He hated making her angry, hated that she was upset with him and hated that he couldn’t yet give her what he knew she needed. She lifted a hand and pinched the lapel of his leather vest, pulling it to the side and urging him to step around and face her. He quickly got the message and found that her hand hovered away from his vest and rested on his chest, over his heart.

I hate that I’m so in love with you

She took a small step closer, testing him to see if he’d reject her. When he didn’t, she decided to take Aaron’s advice and enjoy herself while it lasted. Her hand moved up once again, this time to the side of his face and his eyelids flickered at her touch. He nestled against her hand and she heard a subtle sight emanate from him.

“Aaron could see us” He warned her.

“You didn’t care that Carl saw you holding my hand the other day.” she reminded him. 

He nibbled his lower lip, considering that she had a point. He hadn’t cared that Carl had seen him holding her hand, but there was the very real possibility of either one of them being seriously injured or killed. Such a thing was at the bottom of his list of priorities at the time. She was still peering up at him and seconds were ticking away. He heard Aaron opening cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. Still busy. He dipped his head, tugging her close to him by her wrist and holding it where her new bracelet rested. He rested his forehead on hers, ghosting her lips and leaving her with a featherlight kiss. Then, he had no choice but to pull back as Aaron reappeared with a tray of coffee’s in his hands.

Jess took a deep breath and ran her hands down her clothes. She was flustered and pleased that his interest in being close to her didn’t seem to have waned. At least she now knew that pushing him away was only going to result in him bouncing right back to her. But try as she might, she couldn’t help but think it was because he felt like he owed her, or because she was simply used to it now. After all, why would someone like Daryl, so tough, so courageous, so completely different, want to be anything other than friends with a self-conscious nerd?

*

Their destination was an hour and thirty minutes’ drive away and Jess opted to jump into Aarons truck on the journey out. Daryl didn’t seem to mind although he was not likely to express his disappointment in front of Aaron. Pleased to find a CD player in the cab and a pile of dusty CD’s, Jess and Aaron spent the majority of the drive singing like banshees and dancing in their seats.

It had been a long time since she’d felt so free. With no laws to abide by, no boundaries to keep to, and every building, home and store deserted, freedom was everywhere. Yet Jess didn’t see freedom in the physical sense. It was more than that to her, more of a state of mind than being able to go anywhere at any time. Singing at the top of her voice with her good friend without a care in the world meant she could escape for a while, and simply enjoy the existence of Aaron and his terrible singing voice.

“I feel like I’m at the zoo!” She cried through the rush of wind past the open windows and the loud tones of Twist and Shout by The Beatles.

“What? Why the zoo?” Aaron wanted to know in between warbling along to the song.

“Because the noises that are coming out of your mouth are unlike anything I’ve ever heard before!” She laughed.

“Hey! My voice is amazing!” He argued

“Yeah, amazingly bad!” She chuckled.

When the song's most memorable lines kicked in once more, they both wailed and made dramatic hand gestures as if no one else was watching. Except there was someone watching. In the next lane, with one hand on the steering wheel and a bemused expression, Daryl was witnessing Jess as he’d never seen her before, hair blowing in the wind, eyes closed and arms hanging out of the window as the truck shot along the road. She was singing without a care in the world and after the initial shock he experienced at the sight, he soon realized how endearing it was to see her so carefree. He smiled to himself as he shook his head at the both of them and their mini concert and if the world wasn’t full of decaying, walking corpses and humans hellbent on destroying one another, he would have thought it was the perfect start to the day.

 The warehouse, upon first inspection, was deserted and its shutters were wide open. After two walks of the perimeter, Daryl gave them the signal to head inside and joined them at the closest entrance. Jess half expected to find the building picked clean, but it was quickly apparent that any visitors since the turn had little need for sheet metal and building supplies, not like the demand for food, weapons and medicine. Walkers milled about inside; their numbers low enough for the three of them to take them out without a high level of danger. But it had been a while Since Jess had been faced with so many Walkers in one week, even if she had sought the two from the previous day out herself. Opting to use the experience as part of her knife training, she kept her machete tied to her belt and used the smaller blade gifted to her by Daryl almost two years ago instead. As each dead person neared her, she told herself to keep calm and remember her training, promising herself that she would not use the bigger blade or her bow.

A couple of near misses were enough to send her spiraling into self-doubt and letting her fear determine her actions. While she was busy backing away from a gnarly, male Walker with a hole so wide in its shoulder that she could see through to the other side, a bolt whizzed past her ear and dropped the threat to the ground and immediately afterwards, she felt Daryl slap a hand around her wrist and turn her body to face him. In the dusty, barely lit warehouse with its high aisles and cold, musty air, Jess sucked in a deep breath and shook her head.

“Y’alright?” Daryl checked, receiving a short nod from her.

Suffocating her with concern was not a wise idea and Daryl knew it. So, he left her to put the last Walker down but kept a close eye on her from the end of the aisle. At the same time, Aaron was beginning to drag wood and metal from shelving units with all his might, piling them up onto a forklift which to his glee, still worked albeit after some spluttering and stalling. Daryl was soon helping him hurl heavy materials around while Jess was needed at the door due to the noise attracting Walkers from the surrounding area. Climbing on top of a truck in the parking lot, she picked them off, one by one with her bow, deducting five points in her head for every shot she missed.

“Jess? How we doing out there?” Aaron called out from the darkness inside.

“We’re looking at a soccer team right about now.” She shouted back.

“Huh? What does that mean?” He enquired.

“Eleven. We’re on eleven Walkers, bright spark.” She quipped as she drew the strings and arrow back on her bow once more. ”Make that ten.”

Daryl jogged out from under the shutter, crossbow held high and eyes fixed on the approaching Walkers. Jess dropped another corpse and was quickly preoccupied by the bodies hitting the asphalt from nowhere until she realized that he was scooting across the parking lot below and making for his truck by the gate, killing everything that moved in the process.

“Stop stealing my thunder!” She complained loudly. Her aim needed some work and it was the perfect opportunity. So far, she’d only had to deduct ten points and that was progress considering the amount of Walkers she’d been faced with.

“Wouldn’t have to if ya wasn’t shootin’ slower than an asthmatic snail.” He jested, turning and taking a couple of steps backwards so he could survey her reaction.

“Oh yeah? How about we see how fast I can fucking shoot you!” She exclaimed, nocking another arrow and aiming at him. She heard him chuckle and he resumed his hurrying to the truck. The sun cast it’s glow over him, his sweat slicked arms from the manual labor seeming even more toned than usual and Jess cocked her head to one side and blinked slowly, pondering how she could quite happily wile away the hours with such a view. But reality crept up on her daydream when the engine of Daryl’s truck roared to life and he backed the vehicle up to the shutter.

Having shot Daryl a smug look of defiance after killing the rest of the Walkers in the parking lot, Jess helped to load everything up, catching Daryl’s eye every now and then and questioning in her mind why it was that this day, out of all the time she’d known him, she was more aware of his attention on her than ever before. The way he was looking at her was different, like he wanted to smile every single time and it set her mind on edge and made her stomach hum with a delightful anticipation of what might happen when they were alone again. Maybe it was her new found way of accepting the situation, thanks for Aaron and his intuition. Maybe it was the tentative way in which he’d asked if she was mad at him. Or, maybe she’d just missed him in those small hours overnight.

After the second truck was filled up, the trio decided to head back to Alexandria as the air was cooling and evening was setting in. The sky turned a water colored texture of oranges and pinks and with her back leaned against the inside of the truck’s door, Jess pretended to fasten loose thread on her gloves when she was really stealing a lot of lingering glances at her return journey accomplice.

Daryl had glimpsed at her a couple of times, seeing her eyes lower suspiciously into her lap or onto the gloves which she held against her bent knees. When a sign for a newly build neighborhood shot past at the side of the highway, he eased off the gas and contemplated if it was worth stopping. Sensing the slow in pace, Jess sat up.

“You see that sign?” He asked.

“Yup. You wanna check it out?”

“Worth a look. Need all the supplies we can get.”

“Okay. I’ll tell Aaron.” She announced, grabbing the radio from the dash and holding down the button on the side.

“This is BloodyMary to MonkeyNuts, come in.”

Daryl’s head slowly turned to her and he shot an incredulous look at the names she’d apparently dubbed herself and Aaron. Ignoring his perplexed face, she turned up the volume on the radio and waited. It crackled and hissed and Aaron’s voice filled the cab.

“We talked about this. I did not agree to that name and ‘BloodyMary’ is not becoming for you.”

“I’m not changing it now. You know it was either that or ‘LargeMarge’ and according to you, that’s even more unbecoming.” She sent back “Don’t be a killjoy, MonkeyNuts.”

“What do you want, Jess?” came Aaron’s chuckled response.

“We just saw a sign for a new build neighborhood. We’re turning around to check it out.”

“Yeah, I saw that. I’ll follow on.”

She threw the radio back onto the dash and clunked her boots up, crossing one over the other a slouching down in the passenger seat. Daryl was still glancing over at her intermittently.

“LargeMarge?” He eventually questioned.

“What? My dazzling personality is large enough to warrant such a name. But ‘BloodyMary’ just seemed a little more…apocalyptic.” She figured with a shrug.

Yeah, you’re real weird. He thought.

She’d now seen Daryl smile and laugh more than she’d ever thought possible and even more so in the last few weeks. It was a sight that she never got tired of, especially when she was the reason for it. She knew he thought her to be weird, but even with that in mind, he still wanted to be around her anyway and the thought warmed her heart and set her reservations about his real feelings aside. There was no doubt in her mind that he enjoyed her company, trusted her and cared about her wellbeing and to have that was a hundred times more than she could have expected when she’d first met him at the quarry. Hoping for any more than that could well have been pushing her luck, but she loved him, so completely and unconditionally that she couldn’t help but hope and dream for something more.

*

The estate of houses they found were still standing and looked reasonably untouched. Drapes were ripped and windows were smashed but it was nothing out of the ordinary for a post-apocalyptic scene. Some cars were still parked on drives, with suitcases and bags strapped to the roofs, blood splatters on the doorsteps and front yards with violent smears now brown and dried with age. Jess and Daryl hopped out of their truck with Aaron signaling that he would check the cars and keep an eye out for any danger. Choosing the biggest house in the street, Jess equipped her bow and kicked the door in, creating enough of a racket to be heard in the next state.

“Easy, girl.” Daryl hushed “Damn RPG would have been quieter than you.”

“Get off my ass before I put you on yours.” She threatened as she entered the house, swinging her bow this way and that, into every room and checking the coast was clear. A single Walker in the kitchen was swiftly eliminated by Daryl as Jess crept around in the study, opening cupboards and pocketing a packet of painkillers and a bottle of whiskey. She had no plans to drink it, but Abraham sure as hell would. Under the desk, her boot hit something heavy and metal and she stooped down, squinting at the huge, locked safe before her.

“Whatcha got?” Daryl asked while wandering in, scanning the shelves and noticing her bow sticking up from under the desk where she’d positioned it over her shoulder and bent down to inspect the dial on the front of the door.

“Safe. Big one.” She muttered. “Probably not even worth looking inside. Can’t exactly buy our way to survival these days.”

“A safe ain't just for money. Especially in a neighborhood like this. Move aside, lemme take a look.”

Complying but with a little confusion around how much Daryl seemed to know about safes and what was kept in them, Jess planted herself in a leather, wheeled chair and pushed herself away with her feet until the backrest hit the bookshelves behind her.

"Hmm. Old safe for a new house" He mused.

From where she was, she could see him grab a pen and a piece of paper from the desk, returning to the safe and sitting, cross legged in front of it. He brought his ear to the dial and listened intently as he slowly turned it, making notes on the paper as he went. Jess watched with great interest, mystified by his actions and a little impressed all at once and when he held up the paper and started spinning the dial a little more rapidly, she heard a loud click and he tugged the door open, moving back to give himself enough room to delve inside. Jess’s jaw almost hit the floor.

“Are you-are you kidding me?!” She cried “Were you a bank robber or something?”

“No.” he grunted without even a glance over his shoulder. He pulled a pistol and ammo from the safe, along with multiple tubs of medications. He handed them to Jess, who was still staring at him in shock as she shoved the items into her backpack.

“Would you care to explain how you knew how to get into that thing, then?” She pressed.

He got to his feet, picked up his crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.

“Not really” He grumbled.

 In the blink of an eye, he was gone and instead of pursuing him, she continued searching the house, eventually finding him outside on the porch, arranging packets and tinned food in a box. It was quite the find and one that meant their detour on the way home was not in vain. They’d found a gun, ammo, medication and food all from one house. So pleased was he with their find, that Daryl ripped open a packet of beef jerky and took a huge bite, chewing messily and grunting in approval. Jess inched closer, feeling mischievous and waiting for her moment. As he raised the packet once more, she snatched it from his grasp and dragged the tough, leathery substance over her tongue.

“I licked it so it’s mine.” She declared with a certain degree of provocation.

He dropped his now empty hand and cleared his throat. Dipping his head, he stepped closer to her and bit down on his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say, most of them suggestive and daring, even though he’d tested the water by flirting with her before. He didn’t know if any of the possibilities were a little too forward and the last thing he wanted was to come across like Merle, but he was sure that Jess was unlikely to switch from her playful mood to full-on offended and figured that even if she did, she would forgive him eventually. Deciding to risk it, he waited for her to catch his eye.

“You uh…you really should stop teasin’ the fuck outta me with that…unless you wanna do somethin’ ‘bout it.” He told her. It was delivered with a world of confidence and sureness that he didn’t know he possessed and when she failed to appear disgusted or flee before him at the very idea of something so risqué, his heart rate quickened and a small smile tugged at his lips.

Jess, determined to follow Aaron’s advice and just have herself some fun, pursed her lips and for a moment, struggled to think up a response that didn’t make her look completely inexperienced and shy. She wanted to widen the smile on his face, she wanted to make him laugh and above all, she wanted to show him that if she felt like it and had the nerve, she could give as good as she got.

“Don’t you dare threaten me with a good time, Daryl.” She purred at him.

He had to look away, it was all he could do to stop the rush of heat that radiated from beneath the skin across his nose and cheeks. Flabbergasted and rendered temporarily mute by her unexpected response, he rubbed at his chin and couldn’t hold back the throaty laugh that expelled from his lungs.

“Well…shit.” He chuckled at her, eventually able to bring his gaze back to her. She shrugged off her backpack and stuck her hand inside, retrieving one of the pots of medication and reading the label.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Dixon” she instructed, now taking control of a conversation he thought he held the reins of. He’d never seen it before, her willingness to take their mild flirting to the next level.

“Why would I do that when you’re throwin’ backchat like that at me?” He commented.

She delighted at the redness of his cheeks which he was no longer bothering to hide and it occurred to her that she didn’t feel one shred of shyness when she would have otherwise curled up into herself and wished the ground would open up to devour her.

“Stop distracting me. We have a job to do.” She smiled.

“You’re the ones distractin’ me” He pointed out.

“Am not”

“Are too” He uttered under his breath, sitting down on the wooden bench next to the box of supplies. “Talkin’ to me ‘bout lickin’ stuff… God damn.”

Not willing to let him forget that he’d been the one to bring it up, she raised an eyebrow at him as she took a generous bite of the beef jerky that was still pinched between her fingers on one hand and dropped her backpack on the floor. She handed him the snack and also settled on the bench, with the box in-between them. When he was done eating, he screwed up the wrapper in his fist and threw it at her. She batted it away and the two of them sniggered at one another.

Checking on Aaron once again, Daryl noted that he was still perched in his truck's cab, with the door open and one leg dangling out.

“So, did we swap kissing for trust?” Jess suddenly asked, far too loudly for Daryl’s comfort.

“Shh! What is with you today?! Ya so damn loud!” He hissed, worriedly looking over at Aaron again, who clearly hadn’t heard a word and also hadn’t moved an inch. “What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Well, you started kissing me and now you don’t trust me anymore.” She explained casually.

“For god sakes.” He mumbled to himself as he rose to his feet and scuffed around on the decking. He lit a cigarette and did a small double-take at her while she eagerly awaited some kind of answer. “I do that because I trust ya.” He muttered.

“Then tell me how you knew how to open that safe.”

Daryl, much like his brother, was no angel before the turn. Following in Merle Dixon’s footsteps came with a price and that price was usually paid in the form of a criminal record and a list of things that he wished he’d never got involved in. At the time, he hardly knew any different, their life lived on the edge, drunk and high and notorious for being unpredictable and volatile was the norm and with no other role models to turn to, Daryl didn’t have a chance to choose a different path. He’d been in more fights than he could count, never being one to back down from a questionable look or an offensive remark made in a bar. He’d given Jess hints, snippets of who he used to be and the Daryl she’d met at the quarry was the start of his transition into becoming his own person. The turn itself had given him the clarity he needed to open his mind and showed him that Merle’s way was not the only way. Daryl had always been the more sensitive of the two and was naturally analytical, but he knew that voicing any opinions against anything Merle said was likely to get him punched. He’d done a lot of things that he wasn’t proud of, things that he never really wanted Jess to know. Things that made him so far removed from the kind of person she deserved to be with. He didn’t deserve forgiveness or the benefit of the doubt. He knew what he was and that was a redneck with a record and a lot of regrets.

“Did some stuff I ain't proud of.” He grumbled, pleading with her in his mind to just leave the subject alone. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he didn’t want her to know the lows he’d stooped to either.

“Haven’t we all?” She mused.

“I mean before.” He added. “Ya don’t wanna know.”

“I do.” She corrected “I do want to know. Tell me.”

She was begging him with her innocent eyes, urging him to trust her and he found it almost impossible to decline. She’d seen his temper; she’d been witness to and on the end of his biting remarks when he was angry and she still came back to him. He’d heard it with his own ears that she liked him as more than a friend, even after seeing the parts of his character that he loathed and she’d trusted him with her life and continued to do so. Something told him that she wasn’t about to let the subject go and if she did, she would only ask again at a later date and so, he gave in, deciding not to mention too many details.

“Never robbed a bank. But other places, yeah.” He admitted.

Her face lit up as if he’d graced her with the most valuable nugget of information that nobody else could ever know and on the inside, her heart sang with the fact that he had opened up about something so potentially precarious. She told herself not to react too dramatically, or he was likely to close up again altogether.

“Other places…?” She probed gently.

“Mmhmm. The odd house. Merle used to scope places out n’ we’d go in. Usually rich folks. More money than sense. Some bars n’ liquor stores too.” He confessed.

“You ever hurt anybody?” She wanted to know. She was conscious that the question might well backfire on her but after a brief spell of him chewing nervously on his bottom lip and taking a long drag of his smoke, he nodded solemnly.

“Couple times. Not women. Or kids. Had to keep folks in line, y’know? Stop ‘em callin’ the cops. Never killed nobody…before the turn anyways”

He expelled smoke from his lungs, the plume rising in a bluish cloud above him. The smell of nicotine stung her nose and she realized that he was having trouble bringing his gaze back to her. He was ashamed and it was written all over him. In his body language, in his eyes when she managed to catch sight of them and in his tone of voice. She felt guilt burn in her chest for making him discuss it, but if she never really knew his past, how could she know how far he’d come? It was obvious to Jess that the Daryl that was standing in front of her was most definitely not the Daryl from before the world went bad and she wasn’t about to let him believe otherwise.

“Can you pick locks?” She asked with genuine interest.

“Depends on the lock. But mostly, yeah.”

“And hotwire cars?”

“Yeah.”

She giggled to herself and shook her head in disbelief. The criminal element to his past activities didn’t matter to her anymore, he wasn’t a danger to her or anyone else in Alexandria and the fact that he’d had such a shady past only aided him in his need to protect those he loved in the new world. He wasn’t afraid to do what it took and he didn’t do anything by halves.

“That is so cool.” She expressed, looking up and finding him staring down at her. She lifted a hand and extended her index finger, pointing at him. “You, Dixon… are cooler than a childhood secret handshake”

“Look, if you’d known me back then-” He tried

“-I did know you back then. I met you at the quarry.” She cut in.

He threw his smoke away and let out a long sigh, briefly turning his back to her and leaning on the fencing around the porch. He could see that Aaron was now on his feet and wandering through the front yards of the houses opposite, peeing into windows and opening discarded suitcases.

“I ain’t a good guy, Jess.” She heard him mumble.

“What a load of hooey.” She scoffed.

He shot her a baffled glance over his shoulder and slowly turned around, leaning back against the barrier.

“Hooey? What are you, ninety-four?!”

“Oh, shut up. You are a good person. Okay, look at Ironman.” She mentioned.

“Ironma-what?!” He questioned in exasperation at yet another superhero analogy. He weighed up the benefits of at least trying to pick up one of Carl’s comics for research purposes at some point.

“Tony Stark!” She cried, flinging her hands up “He was a selfish playboy who managed to win the heart of Pepper Potts. Tony did stupid shit all the time, like creating Ultron. But from Ultron came Vision who was a badass character and Tony ended up still being kinda selfish but an altogether good person. I’m rambling, you uh…wanna stop me?”

“Aaron.” He said blankly with a nudge of his head in Aarons direction.

“Right. Aaron’s there. Fine. My point is, it doesn’t matter who you were. What matters is who you are now and what you do with the very useful skills you have. You are a good person, Daryl. And you are cool.” She informed him with a sincerity to her tone that conveyed her belief in what she was saying.

His face changed and his gaze became more intense as he tried to fight the urge to tell her that she should stay away from men like him. That she had no business believing that he was anything other than Merle Dixon’s brother, the criminal redneck with the bad temper.

“Don’t be so naïve, Jess. People, they only show ya what they want you to see. Some folks, they try…they try to be good but inside, all there is... is darkness and pain n’ all the fucked-up shit that they did.”

She leaned back against the bench’s backrest, thudding her jacket against it and crossing one leg over the other.

“Woah. Okay. That’s deep. Take it easy, Bucky.” She smirked to herself.

Suddenly, he remembered overhearing Jess telling Carl that Bucky Barnes was her favorite superhero. It dawned on him that for her to refer to him by that name, it must mean that she saw him as similar. The idea was all kinds of wrong to him. How could he ever be seen in the same vein as a superhero? In his own mind, he was far from it and he didn’t want Jess believing something that he simply would not be able to live up to.

“Winter Soldier.” He said

Her eyes widened and what had started as a throwaway comment that she thought would just get bypassed, had now opened up the truth; that Daryl was her superhero.

“You heard me.” She stated

Aaron was approaching and she quickly shifted her eyes to alert Daryl to his presence. He was only a few feet away, walking along the path towards the front porch they were both residing on.

“Yeah, I heard ya. Shouldn’t call me that name. I ain’t no superhero. Far from it.” He quickly threw in before Aaron could hear anything.

“You don’t see it, but you are to a lot of people. And you are to me.” She concluded.

Standing up to acknowledge Aaron, she clocked extra movement from behind him and the telltale gurgling of blood-filled lungs. Her heart jumped into her throat.

“Walker! WALKER!” She yelled, ripping her bow from her shoulder. “Shit! AARON!”

Daryl however, was quicker off the mark and grabbed his crossbow, fired a bolt and put down the threat before Jess could even choose an arrow. Aaron’s jaw almost hit the floor when he turned to find that the corpse was within grabbing distance and he was soon charging over to Daryl to shake his hand.

“That thing came out of nowhere. Little too close for comfort. Thanks, man.” He said with a form grip around Daryl's fist.

“Anytime.” Daryl replied.

*

Deanna’s son, Spencer wasn’t half as popular as his fair and reasonable mother. He’d been caught on various occasions taking more than he was allowed from the pantry and had rubbed Daryl up the wrong way right from the day Rick's group arrived. There was something about him that Daryl never trusted and it was for that reason, that he kept his distance and was careful not to disclose any valuable information around him.

Jess had hardly spoken to him, even having arrived in Alexandria considerably earlier than Daryl she’d avoided him due to receiving much the same vibes from him as Daryl did. She also thought him to be creepy and disrespectful towards women, which was surprising considering who his mother was and Jess’s reasonably solid relationship to her.

The trucks were left at the side of the road to be unloaded the next morning with the help of others from the community. Jess hugged Aaron goodbye and stood aside when he shook Daryl’s hand and thanked him a second time for saving his skin. As she backed up, she collided with somebody and spun around to find Spencer grinning down at her from his tall height.

“Spencer, Hi. Sorry, I didn’t know you were there.” She apologized, moving back and creating a considerable distance between them. Daryl hovered around behind her, listening closely and telling himself he’d rather shoot Spencer between the eyes with a bolt than leave her alone with him.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Uh, Fine.” Jess replied curtly.

“Y’know, I’ve seen all the work you’ve done to help the town. How much you’ve changed since you showed up in that mask and hood. Now I know your name, I thought it might be good to get to know you a little better. Maybe you’d like to join me for dinner tonight.” He explained.

Daryl’s hands curled into tight fists at his side and he swallowed hard in an effort to contain the pure fury that was bubbling in his chest. Over her shoulder, Spencer could see the archer glaring angrily at him as he slowly paced back and forth like a guard dog about to attack.

Back off asshole. Lay one fuckin’ finger on her n’ I’ll knock you so hard, you’ll see tomorrow today.

Shocked by the offer and having it come from absolutely nowhere, Jess immediately decided that if this was not some kind of joke, then it was a setup for whatever Spencer’s ulterior motive must be. She couldn’t possibly fathom what she might have that he would ever want, but she certainly had no designs on finding out.

“Thank you for the invitation but I’m going to politely decline. I’m heading home, it’s been a long day. Goodnight.” She delivered gracefully, stepping away and walking to the gate. Daryl was infuriated to find as Jess walked away, Spencer’s eyes dragged up and down her body and he licked his lips, shamelessly checking her out, almost as if he was trying to provoke a response. When he turned back, he found Daryl stood inches from his face with one hand on his knife.

“You think cause you’re Deanna’s son you can get away with whatever ya want?” He growled. Spencer’s mouth dropped open but no sound emerged and Daryl wasn’t in the mood to wait around for chit chat. “You listen to me. If I ever catch you lookin’ at her like that again, I’ma tear your heart outta your ass n’ shove it down your throat. You hearin’ me?”

With one eyebrow flickering up and the badly disguised fear that Daryl had instilled in him settling behind his eyes. Spencer nodded once and backed up, clearing his throat as he turned and walked away.

*

Daryl didn’t ask to walk her home or stay the night. In fact, conversation was now so far from his mind while he settled his rage that he stalked along behind Jess, having caught her up. She quickly guessed that being walked home was going to be a regular thing since the threat of attack was now even more heightened. What was unusual, was the quietness that resonated from beside her as Daryl ambled along the path, pushing branches aside. After such a chat-filled day, she thought it a little strange that he hadn’t uttered a single word yet.

“You’re quiet. What’s wrong?” She asked.

“M’always quiet.” He grumbled.

“Alright. Whatever.” She shrugged, feeling her body heat surge under her jacket “Ahh, it’s evening and it’s still so hot. What I wouldn’t give for some Blue Belle right now.”

“What’s that?” He questioned, sounding as though he couldn’t have cared less.

“Only the best ice cream made in Texas. Preferably chocolate chip cookie dough. It was my pre-apocalypse, binge-eating go-to.” She told him with a slight smile at the memory of the finest tasting treat she’d ever eaten. Of all the things she missed, Blue Belle was most definitely one of them.

“Nice.” He grunted.

“Single girls best friend. Along with cats…and vibrators.” She continued to babble, feeling him glance sideways at her “So I’m told.”

The temptation to hint at being single, even at the end of the world was strong and so, she’d given in in the small hope that he might pick up on it and make some kind of comment about how she couldn’t exactly call herself single anymore. She could hope, but it didn’t happen. In fact, all that did transpire was another long and tension-filled silence.

“Sonofabitch” She suddenly sighed, flapping her hands noisily by her sides and stopping on the path. “It’s like you’re not even here. What is it? What’s bothering you?”

“S’nothin’.” He uttered, unwilling to lie to her and tell her the truth at the same time. He was torn between coming across as jealous once more or throwing her a mistruth to keep her attention away from the fact that it literally made his blood boil when another man looked at her or spoke to her in a remotely sexual way.

“Daryl, just tell me.” She demanded with a sternness on her face that he didn’t necessarily want to contend with. If he pushed back and continued to deny it, she would become angrier and the last thing he wanted was to fight with her.

“Alright, fine” He snapped “Just…don’t overthink it, or freak out, okay?”

“I will…try. I will try not to do that.” She attempted to promise, knowing full well that her specialties were overthinking and freaking out.

“It’s Abe. He keeps harpin’ on about havin’ sex with ya. Now Spencer’s got a thing for ya too.”

Jess didn’t think before she did it, but when a laugh tumbled from her lips at the thought of Abraham making any serious moves on her while he was with Rosita, or even at all, it had proved too amusing to ignore. From her perspective, Daryl just couldn’t not understand the type of friendship she had with the big, cocky military guy. Maybe it was because he’d never been party to such a friendship in his life before, or maybe it was because Abraham’s humour and take on life was different to Daryl’s. Either way, he would only continue to get riled up by it unless she tried to explain it to him.

“Abe really does not mean that, Daryl.” She assured him.

“You sure ‘bout that?” he questioned.

“Yes, I am actually. He’s military. That’s his humor and I’m used to it because that’s how I grew up, I was an Army brat. I see a lot of my brother and his friends in Abe and that’s why we get along so well.” She conveyed.

Daryl thought back to when Merle had left the Military. Dishonorably discharged for punching his superior. It was no more than Daryl expected at the time. He’d arrived back at the Dixon house with a bag of his belongings and much the same humor as he’d possessed before he embarked on a new route in his life. Daryl couldn’t blame the military for Merle’s low opinion of women, the way he saw them as pieces of meat most of the time was present long before his days doing drills and target practice.

“So, ya ain’t gonna… Y’know?” He checked with a certain nervous disposition. The thumb of one of his hands was anxiously tapping away at the bottom of his vest.

“No! That’d be like incest.” She grimaced.

“Right.” He grunted “What ‘bout Spencer? Guys a dick.”

He refrained from admitting that he’d squared up to Spencer and threatened him with violence if he ever looked at Jess the wrong way again. He knew there was a very good chance that word would get back to her about that anyway and all he needed was one, little excuse to follow up on his promise. But he knew that Jess would only bombard him with questions he just couldn’t answer.

“Yeah, he is and I’m not interested. Why do you care about who wants to sleep with me, anyway?” She wanted to know.

Then, Daryl broke his own code. The lie had drifted out like it was nothing.

“I don’t.”

In the back of his mind, he cursed himself.

C’mon. You fuckin’ pussy. You do care. Don’t lie to her.

“So, this brooding silence is all for nothing.” She snapped, flapping her hands by her side and charging off. He sighed in frustration and continued to follow her, almost able to feel the irritation radiating from her very being. They covered only a short distance before she stopped out of the blue once more and blocked his path.

“Look, even if he does want to sleep with me, it’s a compliment. I’m no supermodel but why wouldn’t a guy want to have sex with me? I mean, I spent my whole life thinking I’m not good enough. But maybe I am. I may be a geek to the bone but I have feelings and needs and I’m not a freakin’ nun. I didn’t have the willpower to go down that road, remember?”

All at once, it occurred to him that in his desperate need to keep her away from anyone else’s affections, he’s somehow managed to offend her. His head grew louder as he tried to find a way to put things right, tried to search for something to say, for a way to explain away the fact that he hated the idea of anyone but him being able to touch her. But the words wouldn’t present themselves from the ocean on muddled thoughts in his head. Words were just not his forte. 

“I didn’t mean…just forget it.” He mumbled.

“No. Y’know what? Why not Abe or even Spencer? You don’t want them anywhere near me yet I’m not good enough for you to want me, am I, Daryl?”

His whole body went rigid at the sound of her question. His eyes widened and even his nervous hand tapping on his vest ceased. She’d been pushed to the edge and he hadn’t even realized the can of worms he was opening as he was speaking. His heart sank when she stormed off and left him there, clueless and afraid that he might have just screwed everything up with the one person that had ever meant anything to him and all because he had no idea how to tell her how he really felt.

*

He kicked at the bushes and leaves on the ground around him as darkness blanketed the woods. Emotions had ever been easy for Daryl to contend with. A lifetime of stuffing them down, being beaten for crying by his father and having his older brother try to ‘make a man’ out of him. He still felt them, searing and powerful and unchecked, more often than not translating into violent outbursts or a feeling of too much all at once that usually led to cigarette burns on the back of his hands or some other self-destructive way of release. Now, he had feelings of an altogether different kind, new and complicated and truly terrifying even to someone of his level of courage. Those feelings were gradually tearing down everything that was good when they should have been building it up. Jess. She was the good in his life. She was the thing that made him smile and laugh and brought out things in him that he never even knew were there to begin with. He was going to lose her unless he did something, unless he acted with haste and the only way he knew how to do that was with actions instead of words.

 Jess was staring at a blank page in her journal when the bell on the gate rang. She clenched her jaw, snapping the pen between her teeth and throwing it on the bed along with what had proved to be a useless form of venting. The pages of the journal bent and scrunched when the book hit the quilt after she carelessly threw it aside.

She stood up, ran her hands down her black tank top and grey sweatpants and tugged the tie from her hair as she squinted through the gap in the blacked out window. Daryl was eagerly treading back and forth beyond the gate, his crossbow swinging by his side and his eyes sweeping the floor as he moved. She could tell, even from her distance away that he was battling some kind of internal war with himself and she prepared for what was looking likely to be an awkward exchange.

She headed outside, slamming the door behind her and running a hand through her hair as she reached the gate. He stopped and threaded his crossbow across his shoulder, his bottom lip clamped under his teeth.

“You’re mad at me” He stated before she could speak. “I ain't leavin’ things that way.”

“I’m tired. It makes me sassy. Apparently” She said quietly, wishing that she could leave and go back to the diner. To the quietness where she could at least try and make sense of how everything was changing. She was reaching the end of her tether and the direct and angry question that she’d spat at him like it was acid had worked its way out from the back of her mind. She didn’t have the strength to hold it back anymore.

“Kinda like your sass.” He admitted, moving closer to the gate and linking his fingers through it. “You gonna let me in?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the house?” She asked.

He dipped his head for a moment and leaned it against the fencing. His hair flattened and she heard him drag in a deep breath before he raised his head again and positioned his eyes between the diamond gaps in the structure, looking right at her and silently pleading with her to just let him inside.

“Need to put somethin’ straight first” he answered.

“That’s very cryptic” she muttered, unimpressed and flicking the latch on the gate to allow him access.

He followed her wordlessly to the diner and as soon as he clicked the door closed behind them, he wasted no time in reaching out to grab her hand, quickly halting her and closing the gap between them. Her hands instinctively came up and rested on his chest, as if she was about to push him away but he held onto her tightly, with one hand holding her waist and the other raised to her face. His finger was extended over her lips, signaling that he didn’t want her to talk. To him, it wasn’t the time for it. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His fingers curled against the skin of her waist, almost gripping her flesh and the want in his touch matched that of his eyes, which were piercing and serious. He hadn’t even kissed her but it was enough to make her weaken in his grasp and she felt her legs begin to tremble. He could sense her anxiety and removed his finger from her lips, bringing his face close to hers and pressing soft kisses to her nose and cheeks, guiding her hair from her eyes with a gentle sweeping of his fingertips. His voice was a mere whisper but it was the only sound in the room and Jess was glad of it when she heard the words swirl around her mind.

“You think I don’t want you.”

It was a statement. Not a question. Her heart jumped and her stomach flipped and she almost gasped when she realized that her earlier assumption, the idea that he didn’t want her, was so important to him that he’d refused to leave it alone until he could put it right.

He gently kissed her and she seemed to clamber up to him, rising to her tip toes and feeding her constant need for him. The fill the void in her soul that was only made for him. She loved him and every time he touched her; she was even more sure of it. Her hands snaked up his chest, settling on either side of his strong and tanned neck and she was holding him to her with enough strength to tell him that she did not have designs on pulling away. Her body was pressed to his, aided by the hand at her waist now travelling around and pressing at her lower back. She tensed slightly at first but was soon arching herself into him as their kiss shifted in intensity and she felt his tongue dance against hers. She raised her arms and draped them over his shoulders and he took it as permission to pull her even closer, with a sharp tug that made her gasp against his lips.

The skin of her shoulder sparkled at his touch when she felt him nudging the strap of her tank top aside and his lips left hers to create a delightful trail from her jaw down her neck and across her collarbone. He still had hold of her strap and the more he pulled it down, the more the ball of anxiety in her stomach grew. She tried to blink it away, to focus on how good it felt to let him lavish her with attention that she could only ever have dreamed about. She’d wanted it for so long, the chance to be so close to him, to know the urgency of his touch and see in his eyes that he wanted her. He wanted her.

“You okay…?” He asked between kisses.

“Yeah.” She breathed.

“Put ya legs around my waist.” He rasped at her.

“Wha-”

She didn’t have time to ask questions. She held her breath when both of his big arms enveloped her waist and she was lifted from the floor, her toes wiggled and the soles of her feet were suddenly cold. With her attached to him, legs gripping his middle and his lips now back on hers, he walked her to the diner’s countertop, sitting her on the edge and lifting both of his hands to her front. When he grazed over the shape of her breasts, he was careful not to use too much pressure no matter how much he wanted to, it would all happen with time and too much, too soon could spell disaster. Gauging her reaction and taking her pink, moistened lips and breathlessness to be a good thing, he stepped things up. He placed his hands on her thighs but was mindful not to grip where she’d been grabbed before by the harsh digits of those that she didn’t want to touch her. She managed to glance down between them, to find his fingers gliding over her legs, up to her pelvis, his thumbs smoothing along her inner thighs to make her core sing and her nerves spark even through her sweatpants. Reaching her hips again, he dragged her over the counters surface and something tightened inside him when he eased one of her legs aside and positioned himself between them. His own self-doubt began to toy with him. It had been so long since he’d been in any kind of intimate situation that he wasn’t sure of his own abilities. But she was still kissing him and smiling against him and she hadn’t stopped him yet.

Jess didn’t really know what to expect and so far, everything was steaming along in a lusty haze. Half of her wanted to surrender to him and let him do what he wanted, while the other half of her was screaming to her to stop and that she wasn’t ready for it. But she was stunned that a man such as Daryl, who looked so rough and unrefined, could be so gentle and thoughtful with every connection to her skin and every kiss. The pull to carry on, to ignore the voice in the back of her mind that was telling her it was all too much was being stifled by him winding a hand into her hair and slowly easing her head back. She felt his lips and tongue on her neck, tasting her and sucking the flesh just enough to add a slither of pain, a delightful thrum of a new sensation.

“You think I don’t want you” He growled again against her throat. “I do”

She couldn’t help it, her hand delved into his hair as her eyes snapped open and as she stared at the ceiling, totally flabbergasted by his admittance. She’d never felt anything like it, never heard anyone tell her such a thing and his enthusiasm was knocking her for six. How could she possibly be provoking this kind of yearning from him? Her head was full of questions, but the urge to act now and think later was presiding. His hands moved again, this time venturing to the bottom of her top as he kissed her hungrily.

“Want me to keep goin’?” He asked when his lips momentarily left hers. She tried to speak but nothing but a hush of air emerged. She nodded.

He slowly eased his hands inside her top and the warmth and roughness of him felt amazing on her skin but she began to feel self-conscious when he reached parts of her torso that had not always been that way. Once, they’d felt different and as a result of her evolution, she was left with the marks to prove it. Straight away her limbs were so shaky, it was like they were fading away to nothing. Her muscles tightened under his palms and she tensed up. When he noticed, he didn’t need to ask for an explanation and removed his hands, changing tact and kissing her slowly and deeply. To him, she was curvaceous and alluring in ways that he couldn't even began to try and explain. He just wanted to explore her, all of her, all at once. She groaned against him, experiencing a rush of affection for his choosing not to make a big deal out of her reluctance. But then, he slid his hands down her back to her ass, pulling her hips flush with his pelvis. Yes, it had been a long time indeed for Daryl and the urge to press himself against her had proved to be all too strong. In one, swift movement, the hot and hard sensation that she found held between her legs caused her to shut down. She froze. Every muscle in her body going totally still and all he could do was look down at her, battling the onset of sheer panic.

“Jess? You alright?” he asked with a shaky voice.

“I…I need to stop.” She stammered.

He immediately held his hands up and stepped out from between her legs, showing her in no uncertain terms that he was listening and doing as she asked. He turned to the side and cleared his throat, subtly using one hand to adjust himself in his pants as she slid down from the counter and pulled her straps back up.

“Please will you leave.” She whispered.

“What? What did I do?” He questioned worriedly.

“Nothing. Please, just leave.” She pleaded.

When he noticed that she couldn’t even look at him, his hands went to his head and he briefly pushed his palms to his eyes, devastated by the notion that he might have taken things too far and scared her. His chest was so tight with despair he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh… shit.” She heard him whimper before he dropped his arms and gave her the saddest and most desperate look that she never even realized he was capable of. “I thought this was OK. I asked ya. You said it was. I thought you wanted to-”

“Daryl. Please… go” She said, closing her eyes and fighting back tears.

“Alright. Fine. I’m goin’.”

The door slamming made her flinch and the absence of him in the room hit her in the gut like a punch. She buckled over and sank to the floor, hugging her knees and pushing her eyes closed, tears managing to work their way out from beneath as sobs wracked her body.

Masterlist

Fear not, dear readers, this story will continue. I’ll post chapter 30 soon.  We took a break as we’ve been working on this story for the past year.  We haven’t abandoned it at all.  Mistress Mistrust is focusing on her studies but will be back.

-- tagging as requested --

@woundmetender @lilred254 @lonewolf471

[sherlockxreader]

Meet My Husband

Title: Meet My Husband - Part 2a: Molly

Summary: You come home to your husband Sherlock after having been away for two years and now, you have to meet everyone who don’t know you exist. Author: Maddy @laterthantherabbit Words: 1600 Characters/Relationships: Sherlock x male!reader Warnings: none that I can think of. Sexual innuendoes and suggestions I spose

Request: Can I make a Sherlock x male!reader request and they’re married (that is why Sherlock is so unfazed by other people) anyway, he just shows up one day and people are clueless as to how Sherlock snatched up such a gentlemen and why they’ve never met him before (except mycroft and mrs Hudson ofc) Thanks~🎉 - anonymous

Author’s Notes: Wow this is late. And short. So sorry guys. I’ve decided to do Molly’s part in two cause it fits better. I’ve said it before that requests are getting there and they are. I’ve taken this semester off uni to try and sort out myself and my life and writing seems to help immensely so I’m going to try and do more of that. Sorry to everyone who’s been waiting on this forever, i didn’t mean to have such a long hiatus but im back. Thanks to you all. - Maddy

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John quickly got used to your presence in 221B, however as your promise of ‘strange things’ became more than just a jest, he began to rent out 221C for himself so the two of you could have your reign on the flat in peace. It was a few days later when your existence was again a surprise due to a case Lestrade called Sherlock about the week off he had gotten.

“I think this’ll be a seven, at least. We’ll have to go to Bart’s first and examine the body before going to the crime scene.” Sherlock was already flouncing around the flat, mind racing a mile an hour as he thought of the possibilities of this case. John was reading the paper in his chair at 221B while you were at work with the university, cataloguing and finalising the research you had conducted in Antarctica.

“Anything strange with this one?” John flipped the page with a rustle, the words barely capturing his attention now.

“Decapitation with no murder weapon at the scene. Truly a work of a mastermind. I wonder If Y/N will come later?” Sherlock had gotten his phone out and was in the midst of texting you when John registered Sherlock’s comment.

“Y/N does cases with you?” He turned his head over his chair, the paper forgotten, to converse with Sherlock.

“Only when he can. Most of the time his work gets in the way and he can only visit me during a case at the morgue or the scene if it’s close by before having to leave again. His superiors ensure that he rarely he has the time to work on cases with me.” John saw Sherlock’s shoulders tense momentarily.

“So Molly knows about Y/N then?” The tension returned tenfold.

“Uh, no. She doesn’t.”

“Then how-” Before John could continue, a tone sounded from Sherlock’s phone and he brightened once again. “He said he’ll come to the morgue. What are you still sitting for? We have to go!” Pocketing his phone, Sherlock donned his coat and bounded down the stairs. John, as confused as he was at that moment, smiled to himself at knowing that it wasn’t just the case that was putting Sherlock in his light mood.

Molly greeted the two at the morgue, Sherlock ignoring her as usual and heading straight to the body with a gleeful spring in his step and John scowling at his usual flippant acknowledgement of her, though now he knew why. “How was your week Sherlock?” Molly had a lovestruck look on her face, her eyes sparkling and her mouth upturned at the corners in hope. Sherlock hummed, looking closely at the severed neck of the victim, poking and prodding at it with tweezers. She looked down at her feet and turned to make small talk with John when there was a knock at the door. Molly was about to see who it was when Sherlock spoke over the head.

“You know you don’t have to knock Y/N.” You poked your head through the door, seeing the three people in the room.

“It’s called being polite Sherl. And speaking of polite…” You walked over to Molly and stuck out your hand, “I’m Y/N.” Robotically, Molly grasped your hand and shook it in greeting, her face plastered and stuck with a confused expression.

“Mo-Molly. Um, who-”

“Y/N, come look at this. What do you make of it?”

“Sherlock, what did I just say about being polite?” You walked over, mouthing an apology over your shoulder to Molly as you bent over to look at the head as Sherlock bounced his ideas off you. Molly’s mouth gaped as she saw you and Sherlock working together. Standing next to John, she nudged his arm to get his attention.

“Um, who is that?” Sighing, John crossed his arm, wondering why Sherlock always left the hard conversations with him.

“That is Y/N Y/L/N. Sherlock’s-” He cleared his throat and mumbled, “-husband.”

“Husband!” Molly looked between the two of you and John with her eyes wide and her mouth gaping further. Tears began to sting her eyes, in both frustration and regret as she marched over to Sherlock and demanded he answer her. “How did I not know about this? Why didn’t you tell me? You knew how I felt and you just… Why Sherlock? You… you…”

Sherlock sighed dejectedly and you looked at Molly, confused for a moment before remembering the exclusive nature the knowledge of your relationship was. “Oh jeez Sherlock.” Your brows turned down at the corners and you tried to put a hand on Molly’s shoulder to comfort her, only for it to be slapped away without hesitation.

“I don’t need your pity.” Her jaw was clenched as she stalked out of the lab, wiping away tears hastily behind the closing doors. You rubbed the back of your neck to relieve the tension that had gathered there.

“You sure know how to handle people don’t ya Sherl. You led her on?”

“I would hardly call it leading her on.” He barely spared you a glance as he moved onto searching the rest of the body, the hands especially. You heard John scoff behind you, pacing a hole into the floor.

“Wouldn’t call it that. I’ve seen you deliberately flirt with her in order to use the lab here after hours.”

“Have you now?” Your arms crossed over your chest and you heard your teeth grind. Even knowing that it wouldn’t have gone anywhere didn’t mean your buttons weren’t pushed. The man in question rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh, disappointed in having his examination cut short by feelings.

“You know I keep my vows Y/N. I just needed to use the lab once-” His eyes shot a glare to John, who seemed just a touch too proud for throwing him under the bus, “For a case of utmost importance. Everything else was derived from Molly’s own fantastical musings. Now, if that’s settled-”

“Oh but it isn’t. You need to say something to her. The poor thing’s just had her heart broken.” You glanced over your shoulder to the door she had used and sighed lightly. You could hear Sherlock muttering under his breath about ‘sentiment’ and whatnot as he moped past your body and yet still, his coat vanished from the hook on the wall and he made his way to the women’s bathroom where Molly was no doubt sewing the pieces of her heart back together.

The second hand on the clock above ticked away in the silent room, an uncomfortable pressure coming down on both you and John, the only two left after the dispute. You both sat in the stools, waiting for the two to return but as the seconds turned into one minute, then two, you broke the overbearing silence with a single phrase.

“He’s fucked it up, hasn’t he?” A hysterical shriek from the hallway answered your question and the two of you leapt into action as damage control. The door to the lady’s bathroom was slightly opened and you groaned at the simple stupidity of the man you had married. You ducked your head into the room, eyes closed (it was only proper after all) and hissed at the man you had briefly seen. “Get your arse out of there Sherlock! What the hell are you thinking?” John muttered an apology to Molly and you and he, once outside with the door shut, hung your heads at a scuffling Sherlock.

“Bit not good?” You were puzzled by the phrase but John’s reply of ‘a bit, yeah’, had you settled.

“You can’t just waltz in on her, you have to be gentle.”

“I was waiting for hours but she wouldn’t come out!” He seemed perturbed by the notion that the person he had hurt didn’t want to see him. John rubbed a hand down his face and you tidied Sherlock’s ruffled hair from the short outburst.

“Stop being dramatic. It was less than a minute. Did you even try calling her out here before going in?” His silence was your answer. “Thought as much. We’ll give her some space, try and settle things later.”

“I still don’t see why I should need to.” Sherlock left in the opposite direction of the morgue, obviously having had his fill of examining the corpse.

“Cause it’s the right thing to do.” John’s sense of justice and right and wrong was cemented by the tone he had used, and you couldn’t have agreed more.

“Well, why can’t one of you do it then?”

“Well John’s hardly the cause of this and I’m basically a stranger. Leaving you.” Sherlock ended the conversation with a huff and, once back outside, he hailed a cab, opening the door for you and John to step in. You didn’t enter, explaining that the university needed you back. “We’ll talk about this later. Bye John.” He waved and said he’d text you the details of the case in case Sherlock became too engrossed. Sherlock went to enter and close the door, but you took his hand, squeezing it and giving him a small smile, your eyes trying to convey that you weren’t mad at him specifically. His hand squeezed yours back and you relaxed to see that he understood you. The cab sped off into the dizzying London traffic, leaving you to your own devices.

You had a woman to console and a working relationship to fix.

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