#of trans people is kind of like. a huge part of transitioning or whatever. if this makes any sense because i sound somewhat crazy here? but

[meowsticmarvels]

we are so fucking back. despite intending to go into vlr/ztd spoiler free i could not handle it anymore and ended up spoiling myself on a few things (...not everything bc its Mostly just related to characters I care abt and im gonna try and gaslight myself into pretending I didn't see it anyway).

but oh my fucking god clocking phi as transfem in the first hour of vlr was some incredible foresight because she is even more transgender than I thought

original post here if anyone wants to see it or my additional reblog but god. im crazy

[truetgirl]

I want stories to have characters that like. Realize they're trans and do transition stuff, like name changes and trying new looks, partway through the narrative. I want it to be a major point for their personal arc, but not the be-all end-all of their/the story's existence. Like, imagine we get a full season of a show with a particular cast, right? We get to know them decently well as characters, get kinda settled with them. Then, at some point in the next season, one of the characters realizes he's a girl, and it's a huge step for her personal development, but ultimately the main problem on everyone's minds, our newly cracked egg included, is the dark sorcerer who has bewitched the city council, or whatever else the current major conflict might be. IDK, I just wanna see more trans characters in general, of course, and I also wanna see some of them get to figure shit out bc that's such an interesting space to explore, but I also want some of those arcs to just be part of the tapestry of the lives of people with other things going on in their world. Any kind of person can be trans, and the realization can come at any point in life, and it'd be cool to see that reflected in more stuff.

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Several people have been kind enough to let me publish their thoughts on fandom, community, and queerness to celebrate Pride in the Library. Today's piece comes from @tackytigerfic.

Thank you so much to my lovely friend thedrarrylibrarian for opening up this discussion. The thing I would like to talk about today is the way fandom led me to examine my identity and helped me navigate the shift between shame and peace. My journey to acknowledging and exploring my queerness has not always been a joyful one.

I came to the realisation quite late in life. I was in my late 30s before I realised that what I felt about my body was not just a thing that all other people go through. I had lived for my entire lifetime, for as long as I can remember, not just wishing but knowing that my body was meant to be different to how it is. It sounds silly, but it had never occurred to me to question those feelings, or to see myself as queer or trans or non-binary (I'm still not entirely sure how I would term it—I use genderqueer for myself, though nothing feels quite right and I suspect never will). I did spend a year as a child trying to "pass" as a boy (cropping my hair, wearing clothes from the boy's section in the shops, and so on), and as a teen and young adult I was part of a group of queer friends, many of whom were gender non-conforming, so I learned early on that I don't believe that there is any right or wrong way to look like, act like, or be a woman or man. But for some reason, it never occurred to me that the "should have been" feeling was something that I could interrogate, and maybe even do something about. I have moved around a lot throughout my life, and in a way my gender identity feels like that; part of my heart is always somewhere else, and I don't think I'll ever feel entirely at home anywhere.

Before joining fandom, I had never had a candid discussion with anyone about gender identity. I had trans friends who all transitioned medically, but my experience didn't feel like theirs. My body was just something I had to get on with. It was bearable. It didn't feel right, but I was used to feeling not quite right in lots of ways (I was a very emotional child who has grown into a melodramatic adult, what can I say!). It was only through meeting and speaking to all my candid, open, generous trans and non-binary fandom friends that I realised that perhaps my gender identity was something to be addressed. Initially it caused me a lot of grief. I had heard of queer joy and gender euphoria, but my realisation and acknowledgement brought a lot of pain. I felt stupid and ashamed—not of my queerness, not at all! But of the fact that I hadn't realised. I felt like I had cheated myself of my youth. Intellectually I knew that there is no age limit to coming out, but for me it felt like an impossible step to take. I raged at myself. I cried bitter tears at shows like Heartstopper, imagining what my life might have been like had I had that sort of representation as a young person. The first time I changed my pronouns in my tumblr bio, I had to log off and cry. It all felt huge, unmanageable.

Fandom friends got me through. They listened to my sadness, never undermined me, gently guided me through, shared their own experiences so readily and with so much candour and generosity that it gave me hope. Being so immersed in an online space where people's identities are respected and embraced has given me the courage to really look at myself, to know and understand how I feel about my body (and my brain, and my spirit, and whatever else makes a person themself!).

Before I joined fandom, no one had ever asked me my pronouns. Now I have that conversation with people in my offline life too. It's still nerve-wracking for me, but it's getting easier. I have forgiven myself for not understanding myself for so long. I have compassion for my younger self now, instead of anger. And I am very much at peace with my body and identity for the first time in my life, which feels so magical and affirming and, yes, joyous. I got there in the end! That's something to celebrate. And that is thanks to every single one of the people who were there at my side on the journey, the journey that this fandom set me on. And I am very, very glad for that

Thank you, Tacky, for joining me in the Library. I appreciate the reminder that there is no timeline on figuring yourself out, no one way that you have to feel about it. Thank you for joining me for Pride in the Library.

If you want more @tackytigerfic be sure to check out their work on AO3! I reread one of my favorites from them, Silverpoint. I think it's a such an excellent characterization of Harry and Draco, both so in love they can't stand it, and both unable to communicate about it.

🏳️‍🌈 Lots of Love and Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

[jinxpologist]

You are NOT sensitive. Obviously most people in Florida would agree with you, but more importantly the only reason ppl hate Florida is the racist old people and if Florida drowns where do they think they’re gonna go? 🤨

Florida has a important beautiful diverse ecosystem and provides so much for the country.

Maybe this part is ME being too sensitive but just joking about the water rising from climate change/glaciers melting is just never smth i found funny

sorry to get to this so late anon i've been busy </3

and yeah, for clarity i am people from florida. i've lived here my whole life. and people saying they hate florida because we're all crazy (ie florida man), or the wildlife is scary, or it's too hot, or the bugs... i don't care lmao and sometimes it's even funny, cause no one actually hates florida for those reasons.

a lot of people hate florida because we have a supremely shitty government and assume that like... everyone thinks this way. but not everyone thinks this way. there's a huge community of progressive people in florida.

and sidenote, it's kind of strange to see a bunch of people talking about how you should NEVER visit florida as a trans person because. like, your concerns are 100% valid, and if you feel like you're in danger, do whatever you have to to keep yourself safe. but also we still live here LOL like i can be semi-open about being nb with 0 issues and i know a lot of trans people who are medically transitioning. i brought hrt up with an endo who doesn't specialize in that and she didn't bat an eye, she even recommended me a place that could get me hormones.

i promise we're still here and thriving!! we have some of the biggest pride centers in the country!! i attend a HUGE pride event yearly where everyone is happy and loud and openly queer. i'm lucky to live in a beautiful and vibrant city like this and many of us don't fare as well, but we ARE here.

and you're not too sensitive, bc that's what i worry about all the time when it comes to ocean levels rising. i'm worried about the beautiful ecosystem i've grown up in being drowned by the salty ocean. our ecosystem is one of the most diverse and beautiful in the entire country and people have the audacity to say this state is ugly and provides nothing lmfao.

idk it's just a lot like it's not like it's as if floridians are oppressed but sometimes there's just this disconnect between people who live here and people who don't. it's mostly fine i'm just bitter that some people will stereotype a whole state and ignore the vibrant communities and beautiful ecosystem and go "i'm not worried because it's florida".

[baroquespiral]

hello. i saw a video featuring aella then saw your twitter through it. i immediately stopped watching the video as i do not agree with many of their takes, but i would like to understand them without watching a video about kinks through the lens of the political compass. could you possibly explain what gender maximalizing is, what a gynocratic traditionalist is, and what the sphere you operate in is called? Thank you. (there was an article when i looked it up but im not going on medium)

wait what video with Aella am I in lol. anyway most of the things in my Twitter bio are at least partly a bit, do not represent any kind of relevant external movement or phenomenon, and you are not going to find explained anywhere else anyway so. "gender optimizationist" is a kind of contrarian response to the formerly popular position of "gender nihilism", a framework that tried to decentre the discourse of innate identity in justifying/accounting for gender fluidity, transition etc. by basically adopting the maximally deflationist position that gender is entirely an ideological construct covering material oppressive systems but letting people identify & do whatever they want with it is truer to the premise of its abolition than restricting specific behaviours and identities as actually existing "gender". I actually do find this useful to bring up when TERFs claim stuff like "trans people believe in innate gendered souls or what role you fit determines your gender" etc. but still think it concedes too much so my own position of "gender optimization" is like, gender is real at least insofar as something we consciously construct, people's identities aren't less objective than their historical origins and we can and should continue the project of shaping and rebuilding it until we make it something that can accommodate the maximum of everyone possible (and leave exits for people who don't want it)

"gynocratic traditionalism" is not entirely compatible with this and while I didn't take either completely seriously I used to struggle with this more before I got into Thelema and clarified my spirituality & ontology in a lot of ways. for completely personal poetic/psychosexual reasons I was simultaneously inclined to read gender as actually real in a metaphysical/spiritual sense, albeit one that doesn't map to biology or patriarchal gender roles and mostly derives from reading The White Goddess by Robert Graves way too young. almost nobody remembers it now but that book was part of the broader "matriarchal antiquity" trend, a huge influence on Wicca and the New Ageier side of second wave feminism, and argues that the original religious/magickal tradition was the essentially henotheistic worship of a Great Goddess of life, death and nature, who was self-sufficient but produced for her own pleasure a secondary male god who dies and resurrects with the agricultural cycle. human gender is then a reflection of this higher metaphysical order, with woman as the superior term in the hierarchy, and the "warrior" dimensions of masculinity being descended from a form of sacrificial kingship ritually representing the life-death cycle of the Goddess' lover. I'd basically argue the "gender optimizationist" position relative to left queer theory but this relative to right-wing mythopoeic traditionalist accounts of gender, which as an intensely capital-R Romantic personality I did at least get the appeal of and offered it as a "feminist" alternative to. people like RFH have kinda picked up the baton of that now although I have some obvious issues with her framings. I used "gynocratic" instead of matriarchal bc one of the interesting things about Graves' version of this hypothesis is it doesn't actually focus on motherhood and reproduction as much as the wombyn TERF stuff; for instance instead of the more famous Wiccan "maiden/mother/crone" formulation for the Goddess' three aspects he uses "maiden/nymph/crone", implying that the default adulthood stage wasn't necessarily settling down and popping out babies but a freewheeling sexuality where reproduction was an individual choice supported by the community, controlled by abortifacents etc. should probably clarify that, after quite a bit of going back and forth on it and my Twitter presence was designed to be plausibly deniable in either direction, I am pretty much a low-Kinsey bisexual cis guy who socialized into predominantly queer, especially trans spaces mostly just due to neurodivergence and general nonconformity. a lot of my weird gender politics is subtly in dialogue with MonetizeYourCat-era Tumblr stuff (imo the more honest version of today's mainstream heteropessimism) about whether it's even possible or ethical to exist as that you didn't mention them but just to have on record re: the other stuff in the bio, "presuppositional leftist" applies the idea of presuppositional apologetics to my left commitments in the sense that they're not premised on any descriptive claim about reality but rather presuppositions of why politics would even matter to me in the first place, and "Canadian materialist" is a joke on Canadian idealism. my Substack bio is more up to date with where I'm at now but I like keeping the Twitter one around bc every now and then someone has a really funny reaction to it I don't really have a "sphere I operate in" so much as I float around the edges of different subcultures, study them and make friends with people I find interesting. currently I feel like I'm kind of in tpot, kind of in the "irony left" and kind of in parapolitics/esoteric "schizoposting". and also trying to carve out a niche in the online subcultural arts scene: my major passion project rn is my indie press and in particular our serial fiction journal (new issue coming out this month!) featuring two of my novels

[luffythinker]

said it was ok for me to come back and talk about Shigaraki/Dabi so now im gonna do that. Like, im not going into canon events all that much and my version of LOV is like face view these are bad guys but they are people and everything isn't happening back to back so take it as a silly scenario i guess? possibly an AU?

What do you think about trans Shigaraki coming out to Dabi while drunk? like Dabi just accepts it and when Shigs done with his hangover the next day he remembers he came out to him like "oh shit i really did that" and now he's insecure because he thinks Dabi's gonna view him differently, not that his view matters but it does.

This needs context. Lets say after kamino that's when the gang really started to be friends they all started treating eachother with a little more respect but your all still my bitches - everyone in the league probably 2023 lol

Dabi and Shigs have been getting super close, like it's not boss and henchmen it's we are almost equals but you know im in charge winky face. After a heist they always have pizza partys or whatever they can steal for dinner cause we don't have kurogiri :( Shigs and dabs always sit close enough for their shoulders or knee to touch and Dabi notices Shigs getting a little too up in the air. Dabi is not gonna be that ass so he takes Shigs outside to get some air and water away from everyone "can't see out leader looking like a he got drugged at the bar" and when i say he picks him up he throws him over his shoulder, nobody says anything cause he's just taking care of Shigs they just get a comedic voice from Twice like "STRIKE, your out!" followed by laughter Dabi gets him to get some water going through his body but he's high as a astronaut and sweating, Dabi makes sure his gloves are on and is just genuinely taking care of him complaining about how he rather not be but he really doesn't mind he's just putting on a show for noone, Shigs is mumbling and crying fake/real? tears about how being "Tomura" is hard work and at first Dabi thinks he's just talking nonsense until he starts complaining about his binder and how he fucking can't breath in it 9 times out of 10 of the time and Dabi's like "wait, what?" and he just continues to go on about how his shitty dad would always dress him up in a dress want him to be a propper young lady while sticking his pinky out and everything. He was compared to his sister all the time and he hated it Dabi is being flooded with information he can't have time to processes and he ask Dabi "If i told you i was trans would you hate me?" Like any of this is supposed to mean something to Dabi and Dabi tells him he needs to go to bed. After that night Dabi is internally freaking out "What just happen? why???" and he can't sleep that night after the fact Shigs is avoiding Dabi which is strange for everyone to watch and they think their in a huge fight. Himiko keeps asking Dabi what he did and Dabi tells her to butt out.

if you care about this i'll come back for a part 2

i honestly hold bnha canon events very in the back of my mind, at this point i barely remember the order of things, so yeah don't worry about staying truthful to a timeline or anything cause i assure you i most likely don't remember muchdjjdflkfk

and i absolutely love trans shigaraki, even in canon he gives me big non binary vibes so!!!!

oh my god i love how you painted this picture, his childhood was super hard with his father and transphobia. He probably felt like himself for the first time after he left the family and could explore his gender by himself. He knew since early age he wasn't a girl, so he would fully invest himself into looking like how he feels. I think AFO giving him a new name also marks his transitioning, he has always had a smaller chest so the binder helps with keeping it flat, but it is shigaraki so obviously he doesn't have the greatest relationship with himself, so he wears it super tight to the point it hurts him (i think its some kind of internal punishment). He never really told anyone about it because it's not anyone's business, but he likes dabi so it just feels so weird to not tell him that, not that he really wanted to because he doesn't want things to change but he also lowkey wants to be accepted fully as he is, while also too scared of being rejected again.

telling dabi about it while he's drunk is so on brand because he would never master up the courage to do it sober, i think the day after he would act like nothing happened and hope dabi wouldn't bring it up, but I'm curious to see how dabi would confront him about this from your pov!!!

(this might be weird but i really like shigaraki, like i think he's such a good villain)

[valeriapaladin]

Blog post with a theme. Chapter 1: Reddit scares me.

I'm old, and I've been around the internet for ages. Enough to have seen sites rise up and die, enough to have seen the changes on what content and entertainment means to many people. Hell, I fucking transitioned while being an online person.

Of course, Social Media sites have been fundamental for the development of said experiences, as we were all relocated from websites to social media feeds and dashboards. You all know how this goes, this site is this and that other site is the same but different.

I'm often reminded of a couple of articles that talk about Tumblr in a very specific way, as it is both impossible to monetize and it should try to monetize its user base. It's good analysis because the pieces had inserted enough of Tumblr's "insider feeling" to be compelling and give enough food for thought about whatever this hellsite is supossed to be and what we, the people that had been around forever, want it to be.

Reddit does not give me any of those feelings.

I was foreign to that site during my internet formative years, knowing of its existance but being completely unaware of what it was going inside of it. As far a I knew, it was kind of a dark land, filled with americans being horrible to one another for the sake of having fun. I have a lifelong aversion to prank culture and Reddit was the place were people "roasted" each other and being mean was rewarded with popularity, so it was off limits.

But as I transitioned, I keep hearing and reading about how the community over there was huge, valid, got everyone's back and were able to develop a sense of representation about what it meant to be trans (especifically a trans woman). It was an offer I couldn't help but to try.

And I tried.

Whether the place was NSFW or not, I never felt that postive energy that people talked about. A lot of shitposting and good entertainment to be sure, but the positivity was kinda lacking. It felt like everyone was building confidence to get into the pranking part of the reddit experience.

I saw a lot of posts that made me dread the comment section, posts that look like bait to get into the desired mental space. Baiting themselves into feeling bad in order to be "right" about their dysphoric feelings.

I'm aware that it's a general social media thing, but at the same time, when the energy your site exudes is 4Chan with extra steps, I feel frightened. Because I'm lucky that I didn't relied on that community to come out and be myself. And I don't need to be there and feel the fear of being roasted into losing my mind.

[maceofpentacles]

I don't know how to put this into words without making you feel sad or bad about yourself, but I'll try.

I saw you had a lot of nasty people around and then a bunch of people tried to cheer you up. Anyway my understanding is that angry anons could be mad because you legit say you're a man ( hence saying you're mentally ill ) , but you aren't a man, you are a TRANS man with a huge emphasis on the trans part. Based on what I've seen recently, the trans community tries to get rid of the ' trans ' term in certain situations, in order to imply that anyone who transition automatically becomes ( Based on the body alterations they do) the gender they transition into.

You might see me as a transphobe or whatever words you use and I literally have nothing against you or other trans people, but there are things that aren't making sense at all ,so they will only bring hate towards you and other trans people, because they are so adamant of " transforming" into a man or a woman and not using ' trans man' or ' trans woman ' to refer to themselves. You can't call yourself man/ woman if you transition, without using the term trans , because you aren't the sex you transitioned into , you weren't born like that, hence saying ' I'm a trans man ' is more suitable than playing mental gymnastics trying to make up all kinds of new theories and definitions of what a man or a woman is or what gender is or isn't, just so you can justify that you were actually assigned the wrong gender , or that a bunch of hormones can make the the opposite sex , magically.

gonna be honest with you homie, this is very much transphobic. not the type of violent transphobia like the people coming into my ask box but the type that shows how passive you are as a cis person to just watch the violence happen and watch bills be passed by the government that further hurt us.

you and your desire to emphasize the fact that i’m not a man, but a TRANS MAN is all fine and dandy. but you’re a cis person ((i’m assuming this for the sake of the argument)) so you needing to understand and make everyone else understand that i am a Trans Man is harmful. there are going to be people that see me and see a cis man. but if they find out i’m trans they will become actively violent and transphobic towards me. so you wanting me to put myself in danger and disclose the fact that i am trans to any and everybody is transphobic.

i’m not doing “mental gymnastics” or making anything up. another indicator that this ask stems from transphobic ideology. we aren’t trying to get rid of our “trans label” we just want people to see us as humans rather than freaks like cis people usually do. it’s not rocket science.

i’m a man. regardless of what you say or want me to say. yes i am trans, but that doesn’t make me any less of a man. have a good day.

[your-bigender-big-brother]

Hi big brother! i recently came out as a trans guy to my sister and her response was very supportive but i'm kind of scared bc i feel weird abt it. this happens every time i come out to someone who's known me a long time, i get this period of time where i think "augh what if i'm not really trans after all and ive just made a huge mistake coming out" and it usually does pass eventually but i never know how to deal with it, and theres always a part of me thats like "is this even a normal thing to feel when u come out? isnt coming out supposed to make me feel better? is the fact that its making me feel bad right now, even when im accepted, a sign that i'm not really the gender i came out as?"

i don't know what i wanted to get out of sending this ask i guess what i want to know is have you or any other trans ppl ever experienced this? i feel like i'm alone in feeling this way :S

When I first came out as "some kind of nonbinary" (which is exactly how I worded it), I definitely had that same feeling. I thought that maybe my nonbinary experience wasn't quite enough to call myself nonbinary, because I also still considered myself a man. It took me a while to settle into the label and feel valid in that choice.

Coming out isn't always what we expect it to be. Sometimes, there might be some hesitation or doubt. I think the feeling of "Maybe I'm faking it" comes from too many expectations, whether it's what we expect of ourselves or what others expect of us. When we say we're trans, it often feels like people expect us to fit the label in a very specific way or else we don't feel like we really are trans. And we can very easily fall into the idea that if other people think we're faking it, then we need to think we're faking it.

It could be that maybe you're in the very beginning stages of transitioning (if that's a goal for you) and maybe you don't feel like you're quite where you want to be on that journey, so it feels like you're coming out as someone who is still just getting started. At least, that's sort of what I felt when I first came out as trans. I thought that since I hadn't done any kind of name change or gotten on hormones, people might treat my coming out as a joke. it's especially true when we come out to people who have only ever known us one way, only to suddenly have to view us differently.

It could also be that you need to give it time to settle in and for people to start making changes in how they view you - a new name, new pronouns, different gendered terminology, or whatever else you would prefer to change. You only just came out, so people haven't had the time to refer to you in any new way.

Either way, doubting is normal. Feeling unsure or invalid is normal. These things always take time and I'm sure with time, you'll start to feel that relief you were looking for. - 💙💚

[strange-creachure]

so..

didnt want to make a huge deal of it at the time bc anxiety and what have you, buuut since yesterday marked 2 full months from this thingy (perhaps most impactful in my life so far lol), figured i'd do a little post anyway?? felt appropiate what with it being pride month and ya know :zoomies:

(tldr, have two rad little lines going across on my body and feeling more light and normal (in the best kind of way) than i have for years :catlove:)  i'm in an incredibly lucky place living situation wise (s/o being in a position where he could take a loan for us, and finland being a country that doesnt generally indiscriminate these kind of things as much) where i could get a good ol operation that single-handedly yoinked off my serious dysphoria and -related anxiety and its been (and still is) so incredibly freeing and pleasant and carefree vibe when ur body feels and looks the way you felt it should have always been. especially when, (tw: dysphoria) increasingly for the past couple years its felt just so incredibly.. wrong? to an extent you felt constantly sick?, for reasons you cant even quite explain?, for features your biology imposed on you without any word on your part, and the societal norms or whatever that came with it??? and just.. the entire lack of choice or being unable to do anything about it?? absolutely worst. do not recommend. unfortunately a fairly common experience in the lgbt circles (that i keep hearing) and something a lot of people have to deal with, unfortunately. so in a very stark comparison, post-op and recovering and just /living/ without those restrictions or weights on ya, it's pretty freakin rad. having authority on the silly little meat vehicle again haha. (recovery wise feel entirely normal and well by now, just the whole 'having a both physical and very taxing mental weight off of the shoulders that i'd not realised how long its been there' has had me feeling very childlike joy and the like, yknow. maybe some of u could tell from the text brrrr nyoomies for a while now huhu :zoomies:) dunno if this is "too personal" or unnecessary or kinda silly to share, but kind of jus wanna put it out there in case there's the odd person in there who feels the same way, incredibly awful for reasons you cant quite explain or even grasp - i promise you're not inherently broken or "wrong", there is a reason for it, gender or neurodivergency wise or otherwise. it sure took me a while, and while it's an unique road for everyone, u can get there, one way or other. for example im more comfy with my brain funnies than i've been in years just from reading more and getting to know likeminded people and overall understanding things better, and that alone has helped me a lot. dont necessarily feel the need to transition anything further body wise either; dont consider myself a trans person, and dunno what kind of label or tag would even fit my gender other than just?? kind of vaguely nonbinary i guess?? since im just.. omee? default person shaped? and for the longest time, it feels good and normal and /right/. dunno. wanted to share the excellent good vibes despite this whole mess of a world situation lol. #textwall #manywords  happy pride y'all! every single one of you friendshapes is very important and appreciated ❤️

for context! i'm huge fan of people who are happy with their bodies; its the best possible place to be! and such, want to confirm I dont have and never had anything against female chest in general, im genuinely glad some people can carry themselves with pride and joy, it simply wasnt a concept my brain could accept for me; personally they looked and felt really wrong on me, despite being physically healthy and "normal"; nothing were wrong with my pre- chest shapes except them residing on my body.

[kelly-danger]

Also I now realize I falsely assumed you were a female person considering detrans, it’s just the usual demographics of this site skew that way + even moreso we consider the group more likely to start realizing radical feminism has a point or two. But you are definitely not alone in living identified as a trans woman, being seen as “feminine”, being attracted to men, feeling surrounded by the sexist pressure for men to be het and “masculine” in whatever way their culture thinks about that, and questioning what path is best for just managing to live and also for having a good impact on society.

Sorry ahead of time if this is unwelcome please delete it. I have a lot of thoughts about this from being a long time gender abolitionist, woman who passes as a man often whether I care or not about it, and friend of someone in what I now think could be a similar or at least comparable situation to yours.

From that experience with my friend who has some of this situation, I want to say the hatred for men by women is a class struggle and a personal one and doesn’t prove you would turn “evil” or “have to be/turn masculine” and sexist and shitty if you accepted you were a man or “lived as a man”. Hell you don’t even have to pass. As i said i for one don’t usually pass as a woman. It’s not how I am comfortable looking, so I dont. And people are so ruled by expectations so my look makes them assume “man”. I just still am a woman anyway because it’s a neutral trait, at the end of the day. Not a sentence to be feminine or have to pass or feel comfortable with how I am seen if seen as a woman.

But really my friend has a deeper issue than just that with it all, he has a problem with a sort of internalized shame about being gay, and an internalized shame and fear of being a man. It is definitely related to him being assaulted by a man but also related to…. Idk how to describe it. Just everything we grow up seeing plus the mindset cultivated by religious ocd where fundamental evil exists and everything points toward it being in you in this infinitely threatening way. That kind of thinking really seems to cook the brain if not changed. Makes life unbearable. At the end of the day he still lives with the het trans woman identity sometimes, gay man identity other times. Partly because it’s unavoidable, having transitioned socially at 9, moved to a different school to pass totally, physically got transition surgeries at 18… and at this point even if it’s not true he’s a woman and even if it connects to this larger issue that is tearing a lot of shit apart for women and gay people… on the whole that all isn’t solved by his personal life just passing on purpose or not. Whatever he’s identifying as or living as, even if it’s a false notion that to pass as a woman is to be a woman. For him there is no way to not be a trans woman in the sense of he can’t physically get away from that status or that past even if he were to socially and psychologically move on from it, which he has been doing (part of why I am calling him, him, also because it is ok unless it’s a rare-r bad ptsd day)

anyway… to me… It does go back to, ok he supports the material on the ground work of women’s liberation and gay liberation. He does his best to speak the truth clearly when it comes right down to it and allow others to speak the truth and act on it. It doesn’t have to be a huge conflict to even just still want to pass as a woman and live that way most days or all days but still want to engage in supporting women’s liberation from a radfem approach and gay liberation from a real (not conservative 2-true-gender-role-believing) gender abolition approach. Lots of people won’t see it that way and they will have some good points sometimes but in the end I think what I am saying here is the closest to true.

Once again good luck with thinking about it, I hope the grip of sexism and homophobia against all of us, all LGB people and all other gnc people, including people identifying as trans, stops being so violent… gets better and eventually finally is abolished.

I dont really feel like my worry is being evil or that all men are bad or anything like that. I think gender is and should be a nutral trait, but I think moving in a society where gender isnt nutral is hard and weird. But true liberation must come from abolition of gender.like you said its just everything we grow up seeing. Especially for me heterosexuality is a concept that ive always found distasteful, not in a male+female way. But sociopolitically. Heterosexuality is where gender roles are most intrenched and where the expectation for me to be a man or masculine has always felt strongest, even now as a trans mtf it still feels i am expected to play the male role. There feels like no escape, and thats scary so rn I'm actually celebate. I was definitely raised religious and youre right about that mindset. Passing as a woman is wild though. Passing as a woman definately shows you what its like to be a woman in some regards, but definately dosnt show what its like to be female. I think thats my struggle at the end of the day is that I would like to look like a woman or maybe pass as one, but in trying to pass you have to subscribe to all these messed up patriarchal expectations. Women who done buy into patriarchy arent rewarded or respected by it, trans women included. And I dont want to be respected by patriarchy anyways. I have never tried to front as not male, and so im continually regarded as male, even if I am regarded as a woman (speaking in considderation of sex gender seperation which in maybe on the fence about). So with that in mind my opression is male, its because im male but perform femininity. I find that way more meaningful then the Judith butler fan gender ideology type rhetoric, or god forbid the heinrich von ulrich esque stuff. Basically dont get me started

[needlebeetles]

yes, the discourse that's included in that post is about using words like 'transandrophobia', and several transfem bloggers on here have talked about why it's a transmisogynistic framework. sure, use whatever words you want for Your identity, but once you start creating new ways to analyze oppression dynamics that don't hold up to scrutiny, you open yourself up for criticism of the ideas you're bringing to the table, especially if they are deeply transmisogynistic ones. as another example, no one can stop you from identifying yourself as an AFAB transfem, but if you start arguing that because you're AFAB you experience sex-based oppression on top of the misogyny you get for presenting as fem, and therefore you are more vulnerable to transmisogyny than a trans woman, trans women are allowed to criticize those ideas

going to assume this is about my tags on the “we should just kiss” criticism post. If this was about something else and I’m not responding with the correct context, please inform me.

before answering this post, I did do some searching for posts and generally on the internet about how the word transandrophobia was transmisogynistic and didn’t find anything, so if you have any links you’d like to share, please do.

obviously all theory is open to criticism, and should be, especially if it’s rooted in bigotry.

From what I’ve seen, a lot of the people who use words like transandrophobia tend to think that “androphobia” or “misandry” exists as its own force in the hatred of men and masculinity. It does not, and when one’s masculinity plays a role in the discrimination one experiences, it usually has to do with how gender roles affect other forms of bigotry, such as racism or transphobia. That being said, I do think that there’s a hatred and fear of people who are seen as women transitioning into men/masculine identities because of how society sees the bodies of women and those it deems women as resources under ownership by patriarchs and society at large, and that femininity being lost or altered threatens the hierarchy of gender, the desire for women’s appearances to all fit a certain mold, and taps into fears of men being superseded or dominated by women. For me, transandrophobia can be a useful word to analyze certain kinds of misogyny and transphobia, and I’m not going to instantly write it off the same way I would if I saw the words “misandry” or “reverse racism” being used genuinely.

Edit February 2024: I don’t believe this anymore a lot of the “chill” transandrophobia theorists I followed turned out to be huge transmisogynists and also zionists for some reason + read some more theory and thought about it and I think transandrophobia tries to unify a lot of disparate kinds of transphobia and misogyny under one umbrella because it happens to transmascs but doesn’t acknowledge that the same phenomenon happens to non trans masc people. Like there’s straightforward antitransmasculinity, paternalistic transphobia (“you’ll ruin your body :(“ “our lost children” type stuff) and then what I’ve decided to call obligatory femininity (happens to both cis women, women, and those transitioning away from womanhood, where feminine attire, behavior, and body parts are treated as socially necessary and owed to the public if one wants to be recognized as a woman)

[shieldsurf]

something i often want to talk about a lot is the unique way in which i was othered as a trans teen by other trans teens in high school. i was kind of treated like shit and it was often very clearly expressed that there was an in-group that i was not and could not be part of, for reasons i don't know or understand... was is because my hormones were so fucked that, completely out of my control, my body was twisted into a caricature of femininity considered almost grotesque even by cisgender standards? was it because i wasn't able to socially or medically transition to the same extent as my peers by virtue of being a minor with unsupportive parents? was it because i was fat and some flavor of neurodivergent that made me an intense and awkward teenager?

i don't know. but it fucked me up. honestly more than my transphobic parents did. i mean, at least my parents were just on their face shitty to me. i didn't expect acceptance from them. but the other trans people in my life? i thought the trans community was supposed to provide support for each other, but they didn't want me either. it was a pretty huge blow to my self esteem and it's definitely affected my modern relationship with the lgbt community, particularly other trans men. i'm constantly torn between wanting to fully embrace my trans identity and community and become a fun freaky queer, and straying away from it and trying to be "normal" because as a teen i was repeatedly rejected and turned away by other trans people. i still struggle to trust and genuinely befriend other trans men because they were largely the source of my inter-community alienation back then.

i know one of them, by the time he was about to graduate, realized he was pretty awful to me and confided in my twin sister that he felt bad. she told me that apparently he was aware that the way he treated me was wrong, and he'd said a lot of stuff behind my back that he regretted, stuff about me being a trender or a fetishist or whatever. i'd been out longer than him, longer than almost all of my classmates, and i'd never faltered in my identity or how i presented, but i guess that didn't matter. regardless, he never mustered up the courage to apologize to me directly. and my reputation with other trans students never recovered.

i don't know how i really feel about all of this anymore. it was both so long ago and not very long at all. mostly it just makes me wish i didn't come out until i was an adult. at least then i wouldn't have weird complexes today about trans men and how i'll never fit in to what they want and expect from me. oh well

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

personally i kind of think that trying to squash out gender bending is what’s transphobic. it’s a key form of self-expression for a LOT of eggs, especially when they’re kids, and especially if they don’t/didn’t have access to media that represented genderqueer characters, whether that’s because that media largely didn’t exist for kids at the time (as for myself and many other trans people my age and older), or because their parents limit(ed) their media access to avoid exposure to trans and queer characters, be they canon or coded. before i watched soul eater and had crona rock my world with their gender ambiguous swag, i was obsessed with genderbending and characters crossdressing. the fiona and cake episode of adventure time? yeah i was staring at prince gumball and marshall lee both and forming so many brain cells around this concept at 10 years old, 3 years before i would properly start trying to explore and figure out my gender. while crona having some undeniable genderfuckery going on was definitely what actually broke my egg open, fiona and cake probably made the first crack, to be honest. i think i would be a very different person if i had never been exposed to the concept of genderbending as a kid. i would still be trans, certainly, but it would’ve taken me probably quite a while longer before i’d have figured it out, and i don’t think i’d be as confident in my identity today.

as op stated, you’d have to come at genderbending from the most bad faith angle possible to see it as transphobic, but also you’d have to be seeing it from a purely theoretical standpoint. the fact is, it doesn’t exist in a vacuum, just like any other kind of art. the experiences of the artist will inform the art, and the experiences of the person viewing the art will inform their interpretation of it. do you think a trans artist designing a genderbent version of a character they identified heavily with in their youth, to express how they feel after transitioning, is transphobic? or, even if the artist is a transphobe making a male character into a female character or vice versa so they feel more comfortable thinking they’re hot because they’re So So Straight, does that change the fact that some trans egg kid looking at genderbent art of a character they identify with is going to set off a lightbulb in their head and lead to a journey of self-discovery? no matter what, genderbending characters is still experimenting and playing with the very idea of gender, which is a huge part of what being trans is about for many trans people, and frequently the key to discovering transness for even more trans people than that. trying to police that self-expression is not going to benefit anyone. knowingly trying to twist it and present it as transphobic, though? that’s fucking vile. there are people who only say it’s transphobic because they’re parroting others, and that’s like, not good still, but whatever they aren’t thinking about it enough. but i really think that whoever first decided that genderbending is transphobic knew exactly what they were doing

Sorry to set discourse on your doorstep, but I’m curious: How do you feel about genderbending characters? I’ve seen some people say it’s transphobic but tbh I’m not totally sure if I agree. What do you think, if you don’t mind my asking?

Genuinely don't think gender bending is transphobic and I think coming at the idea of gender bending in the most bad faith way possible is the only way u can really say it's transphobic. Gender bending characters is like....a time honored tradition among fans and it's fun to design someone with the opposite presentation in mind. Like, what stays the same? What changes? How can I keep this recognizable while still showing the character is different in some way or another? These are fun design ideas and goals and it's only if you rigidly subscribe to the idea that gender and sex are the same does that become an issue. like, I guess I can see how it can potentially be transphobic, but like? I feel like it does far more good in terms of making people wonder about gender expression and playing with it? Like, does my Big Macintosh comic count as gender bending? I took a pre-established character and designed her to be a trans woman, and I thought about what that might look like should the character go in that direction. And I've gotten tons and tons of heartwarming comments talking about how much that comic helped them! I'm a trans person, I think we should be doing more fun play with gender and shit.

[nonas-dad-saying-love-hurts]

Just woke from a dream. I was a woman, I think. I was getting married for the first time. I don't know who I was marrying but I was shopping. My mother was there.

Actually before that I wasn't shopping and I wasn't a woman. I was me, and I was organizing supplies in a giant warehouse that used to be a school. It was renovated. I was the only teacher who wasn't a woman. In the year before me there had been one also. For Halloween we used chalk paint and paper to "dress up" the school as its ugly, unrenovated former self. The old staff and atudents visited.

In the warehouse, at first it was the emergency medical depot that I normally organize, just two rooms. But the shelves kept growing, the work was endless, until it became a literal ocean, with water and waves. The water was warm. Prepackaged feverfew and chamomile were washed away. That's when I turned into a woman.

When I was in the ocean I noticed my body and how it let me feel the sand and move in the water. I was delighted by the water. I lay down in the waves. I knew how to jump and float when the waves went over my head. I didn't go under or get buffeted around like the other people. I wasn't scared like them.

When I left the waves and found myself in a shopping center is when it became that I was getting married. I wanted to buy just a few feminine things. A golden eye pencil. A nice matte lipstick. My face wasn't like the face I had pre transition. I don't know whose face it was. My mother didn't want me to buy cosmetics, she thought it was silly. I stood up for myself. I got the few things I really wanted. I got the golden eye pencil. The colors were so vivid.

[ In my dream I spoke German but not French. Like real life. I saw an ex (not a real existing one) who was friendly and would help me pay. The shopkeepers wanted francs. I guess we were in france. He was smiling and cheerful. I think he was the MCAT tutor I had a crush on when I was 23. He disappeared with my stuff into the crowded and chaotic shop. I went searching for him. The shop was part of a huge mall complex where indoor and outdoor were as indistinct as shops were from each other. The outdoor part was the quad or bowl or whatever they call it at the university in Charlottesville. ]

While I searched for this guy who had my stuff, I stumbled backstage for some kind of "reality show" stage thing idk what it was. One girl came out of her dressing room amd followed me outside. She was trying to help me. She was asking what I wanted, but I was embarassed to tell her what I was looking for.

She told me she's trans and started asking me for reassurance about the future. I was running away from her. She was very beautiful and very naive. She trusted cops; she thought I was looking for cops and started calling them over. This forced me to answer her questions. I wanted to read her my poem about making the failures softer for each other but I was embarrassed.

I told her I'm trans too (I guess I was me again) and I can't lie to her and say it will be ok or we will be safe. I was crying as I was talking. I told her we have to love that which is uncertain. I told her we have to love thst which might die, that which will die, that which is dying, because nothing is not dying. This is our struggle. We were both crying.

I woke up thinking of the last line of my poem. I couldn't remember what I'd written before -- "our struggle is to love the dying / world -- ourselves -- each other"? Or was "ourselves" the last thing in the list? And in my sleepy brain the thought was so clear, that in poetry a list like that goes from least to greatest, from most mundane to most epic. So the dilemma about what to put last isn't a decison about writing; it's a judgement about life. Which is harder? To love each other? Or to love our (dying) selves? And in the end writing a poem is to have the responsibility of putting things like this in the correct order and telling everybody.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.