#of going to stalk really fucking hateful forums and shit.

[crossnamara]

does someone want to tell me to kill myself so i can feel something

[gor3sigil]

While I sometimes miss the old internet for its anonymity, the niche forums and chatrooms and the blogs/websites that were fully customizable and had personality to them wompared to the social media hubs that all look the same now, I think that people like me and older (because I'm 26, I did not know the times where you couldn't use the phone and surf on the web at the same time for exemple) tend ot over romanticize it. Yeah, nostalgia is great and all, but sometimes I see nerds in their 30s say that "at the time you were anonymous, you couldn't get doxxed". Yes you could, and it very much happened, with very real and devastating consequences. "People didn't care who you were", yes they did, and if you were a girl you were very much likely going to be scared of the internet for a good fucking while and/or stalked, online and/or IRL. "We didn't have to put trigger warnings and we could say shit without filters" Idk dude, I don't think that saying the nastiest slurs ever to strangers was THAT fun. I don't think that finding snuff films on the surface web like it was nothing was great. I don't think that not being able to punish anyone who would go online to prey on kids and teenagers when they were fully grown adults and groom without consequences was a good thing. And yeah, I'm aware that all of this still happens, to an extend that is still too much, but I really don't understand how the terrible shit you could find online or have happen to you in the 90s/early 2000s was better. I DO miss a lot of things. I miss forums, I found it way more fun than the social medias that we have now, and I'd much rather hangout on a dozen of pretty, customized niche forums than on subreddits that are devoid of any pizzazz. I miss the chatrooms (at least, a part of it), because you could log in and talk with total strangers about your deepest secrets and confide and people, I think, actually took the time to read you and answer you. Maybe I'm a sour fuck but the many times I tried to go into some Discord servers, it always seems like people don't fucking read what you write and will just "talk over" you. It annoyed me so bad I just gave up the thing entirely because I hated trying to connect with someone only to have random people bursting in the conversation to talk about their day or brutally change the subject without reading the room. That and the fact that I don't seem to find a server that isn't or dead or overcrowded to a point were you just can't talk, it's a constant flood of people saying whatever, or were people have a Minecraft server that takes over the whole Discord server (I kid you not, I had found a place where I really liked to hang out and they decided to make a Minecraft server, and then EVERYONE was always on VC playing Minecraft and if you didn't play, which I don't because Minecraft bores me to no end, nobody was talking into the main room. Everyone was on MC, and it isn't the first server where I saw that happen).

[linklethehistorian]

I'm curious about 4. and 16. for the choose violence ask!

Sure thing! Since you didn’t specify a fandom, let’s go through them all. ^-^

Under the cut for both length and spoilers for some of the fandoms. lol Proceed with caution as always.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: Well, I’ve blocked about seven different people in this fandom, actually; for the first five, it was because they were a group of five haters who, by their own self-admission, instead of blocking or avoiding me for the sake of their own mental health when they found my content uncomfortable, continued to keep me unblocked and even actively seek out my page just so they could get angry/upset and then send me harassment in asks and/or vague post about how much they hated me.

Personally, I didn’t care all that much about the vagueposting; as I’ve said in the past, I actually kind of find hate motivational and fueling for my creative fire from time to time, but it was clear that it was getting very unhealthy for them, and since they hadn’t the sense to do it themselves, I simply blocked them from my own end so that they couldn’t see me anymore.

For one of the other two, they just had the worst fucking takes in the world, and their content kept somehow getting recommended to me as being “based on my likes” despite that I had never liked anything similar (or even anything from them), and since I found it to be headache-inducingly bad — and not even in an entertaining way, either — I simply blocked them.

And for the last one, they actually used to be a friend of mine, but they unfortunately seemed to have fallen down into a toxic rabbit hole since our last interaction years ago, and eventually came back and started accusing a close friend (and me, purely by association) of terrible shit for absolutely no reason, so I blocked them. I really do wish them well and that they come back around to their senses someday and realize the error of throwing accusations around simply because you’re still bitter over a breakup, but seeing as that’s unlikely, I’ll spare myself the trouble and just keep them blocked.

Legend of Zelda fandom: I said in a previous post where I listed out answers to all of the questions for this fandom that I’ve never blocked anyone in the Zelda fandom for fandom-related reasons, and that’s true, but I did block someone in this fandom once, for other reasons.

It’s a little bit of a long story, but to put it simply, there was this guy who had been stalking my now ex-girlfriend (mtf, tho she hadn’t come out as trans yet at the time while we were in the relationship) and had created a sock puppet account on a large Zelda forum we were on in order to find out information about me.

The story actually runs a lot deeper than just being a cut-and-dried “oh, he was a creepy stalker who had bad intent” situation — there’s a lot of nuance involved that would take quite a while to dig into and explain — but as I don’t really feel like getting into the whole tale right now, I’ll just leave it at that even tho the guy came clean to me out of guilt shortly after creating the account, it was my ex’s firm insistence that I block him, and so I did as she asked with it. And that was that.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: I’ve never blocked anyone from this fandom, but God has it been tempting sometimes… Thankfully, I don’t follow any blogs that make me feel like that, but if someone’s annoying ass bad takes ever start continually appearing on my recommended like they did with BSD, believe you me I’mma start blocking faster than the speed of light.

Other fandoms: I’ve never blocked anyone in any other fandoms, actually, and I can’t say I really have any active reason to at the moment, as most of them seem chill enough to not be an active and rampant threat unless you go looking for them.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: … sighs …We’re really doing this, aren’t we? Okay. Listen, I want to start this out by saying that I am a huge advocate for AUs and personal canons and ships and whatever else out there in the fictional world that you can imagine — go ham, have fun with it.

That being said, I will never in my life understand the appeal a very specific portion of the fandom finds in the concept that Arthur Rimbaud/Randou is as equally cold, unhinged, and detached as Paul Verlaine — often to the point where people genuinely allow that AU headcanon to skew their view of canon and convince themselves that it is such, when nothing could be farther from the truth (and the truth is actually far more unique, deep, and interesting).

Although the block button has largely solved this issue for me these days, my eyes have unfortunately already seen far too many posts of people talking about how a large majority of the fandom “gets Arthur wrong” because they don’t make him and Paul into this unhinged, cold-hearted assassin duo, and frankly, it’s just bullshit.

You can enjoy and/or ignore whatever the fuck you want in a series for your own personal canon and AUs, but don’t delude yourself and lie to others about official canon in the process because you’re pissy that the uppermost levels of official canon don’t represent certain characters the way you’ve imagined them in your head.

For one thing, if everyone around you is supposedly the issue, and even the uppermost levels of official canon themselves in their original language are supposedly the issue….then I hate to say it, but the only person or thing in need of a reality check is probably you.

Arthur was never an assassin; these people out there who are acting like “oh, Arthur being a spy means he must be cold-blooded and must have committed as many murders as Paul has” are insane; despite what certain stories in media will tell you, being a spy does not necessarily have to ever involve murder, and even if it did, Paul could have easily been the one doing the murdering. Is Arthur 100% innocent? Are his hands 100% clean of blood? No! But canonically, the only 1,000% confirmed act of physical harm he has ever committed was the attempted murder of Dazai and Chuuya, and even then he showed significant hesitation, and only committed to doing that so as to both save Paul and to avoid potentially harming significantly more people should assassins have been sent after him. Is it probable he may have killed people during the faked Arahabaki incident? Yes. Is it probable he may have either directly or indirectly killed at least a small number people while either working as a spy or as a mafioso? Yes. But is it confirmed? No. There is nothing at all that directly, explicitly confirms he himself has ever killed anyone at his own hands. It is likely that he has, but unless it is ever directly stated that he did, it is still technically not canon and thus 100% up for interpretation based on what you would like to believe about him. Until we know otherwise, he could have killed as few or as many people as you so desire.

However, what is not up for interpretation when it comes to official canon is that if these murders did occur, they were absolutely not done in cold blood. True canon — the original JP light novel(s), and, second to that in the canon hierarchy, the original JP Stage Plays — have gone far out of their way to express that Arthur is the farthest thing from a cold, emotionless killer. Despite how some would like to believe, Paul is not his “one exception”; Arthur cares about the lives of literally everyone and feels deep, intense remorse and hesitance over the idea of harm coming to literally everyone. If you think this man is “cold-hearted”, you have not read the actual canon — you have either watched an adaptation that took some massive liberties and not looked past that, or you have made up a story in your head based on what you would have preferred, and you refuse to accept the validity of anything that disagrees with it.

…Anyhow, yes…while people can absolutely make him such in AUs and personal canon if that’s what they enjoy, it makes me extremely annoyed when people conflate that with canon, and I will never be able to truly understand the appeal of it in general. The idea of two characters who are just “absolutely unhinged, cold blooded assassins who care only about each other” is, in my opinion, far less interesting than, and even downright insulting to, the deep characters that both he and Paul are, and the great narrative foil that the emotional, shy, sensitive, openly caring, and much more mercy-minded and life-valuing Arthur makes to the admittedly unhinged and cold-blooded (but still very much deeper than fandom treats him) Paul.

People can like what they like, but man, it is definitely not for me, and I feel like if that’s the dynamic you’re really looking for, there must be better characters out there to do it with.

Legend of Zelda fandom: See [here].

Doctor Who fandom: I’m sure there is something, but I honestly can’t think of it at this moment in time. Most of what’s enjoyed even vaguely popularly in this massive fandom is…pretty alright by me, honestly? Or at least understandable.

Ace Attorney fandom: Honestly, I have more to say on what this fandom doesn’t like than what it does, so we’ll skip over this one for now. If I think of something later, I’ll amend it.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: The idea that Stolas is a bad father and an equally bad person to Stella. Also that everyone in Hell must be bad in some way.

Final Fantasy fandom: …Final Fantasy VIII. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t think it’s a bad game by any means, or even a bad Final Fantasy game; I just don’t think that comparatively to some of the actually (in my opinion) amazing games that get way more shit from than they deserve, it’s really that much to write home about.

I think that it had a ton of great ideas going for it, but that a lot of those ideas got lost along the way in the quest to explore other ones — which ultimately led to the vast majority of them just barely getting touched on at all. And, of course, there’s a big major plothole where the main character gets absolutely fatally impaled by the main antagonist and then it just…basically doesn’t even get addressed at all? Also, all of the main characters sharing the exact same backstory and then just having conveniently forgotten about it was…deeply underwhelming and felt a bit lazy, to be honest.

And…yeah… I liked some of the characters a ton, and I enjoyed some of the plot points, but I definitely can’t understand why it’s hailed as being so great compared to certain others that are just…objectively actually more solid and well-written.

Pikmin fandom: I wanted to try to be as absolutely thorough as possible in listing out any of the series that I love and have actively participated in the fandom of (whether that be going out of my way to interact with fan content for it or making my own, or both), but honestly, I haven’t been around the fandom of this one quite enough to know if there are any popular takes or favorites out there that I’d strongly disagree with, or of which I’d particularly question the appeal.

Xenoblade Chronicles fandom: I know this is probably going to piss off a lot of people out there, but honestly, both Xenoblade 2 and Xenoblade 3 — but for opposite reasons, and with the DLC games notwithstanding for both of them, as I have few complaints with either of those.

I understand why people love Xenoblade 2 as a story on the whole — even if I think the first five chapters are largely very weak with only a few highlights and far too much filler and have terrible pacing — because the last five chapters just make every bit of the initial drudgery worthwhile, but I what I cannot and will never understand are the people who think the gameplay is somehow anywhere even close to good — much less god tier. Genuinely, there are not a lot of games I would call worse and less user friendly gameplay-wise in the modern era than Xenoblade 2; as a matter of fact, there is so much wrong with it that I can’t even begin to unpack all of the problems here, except to try to just lump it all together and put it very simply by saying that a fully paid-for, full price game absolutely should not entirely rely upon you having good luck in an absurdly rigged, file-dependant rng pity-system-granting uncheatable gacha system in order to progress the main plot, and even still make you sit through hours waiting for the skills to unlock on those characters that you have to be lucky enough to get good RNG assigned to your file to even get a halfway decent chance to get through further, still absurdly rigged RNG.

Normally, I would say how good a game is or isn’t is just a matter of personal opinion and what one is looking for, but legitimately, if you see no problem with this game’s gameplay and view it as something that should be defended, then you either got the best possible RNG in the world and played the game at such an absurdly slow pace that you somehow never even encountered one instance where skill unlocking slowed you down from progressing the plot, or you are just the biggest simp in the world for this game and you’re lying because you just can’t stand the idea of not defending every single aspect of this game even if you know for a fact that part of it is awful and inexcusable.

And as Xenoblade 3, that game has the opposite problem; whereas Xenoblade 2 had an overall amazing story the farther you progress with terrible gameplay, Xenoblade 3 has overall amazing gameplay with a (for the franchise) absolutely weak story that just completely drops the ball at the end. Thankfully, just as Torna: The Golden Country largely improved on the gameplay of Xenoblade 2 with its release, Future Redeemed largely improves and even fixes and, dare I say redeems, the story of Xenoblade 3 (even if it does make it feel a bit redundant in some aspects)…but…that doesn’t excuse the game being weak initially to begin with compared to its predecessors, and I truly can’t understand what all the hype for it was before the DLC released, as at the time I only found it a massive disappointment in all of the worst ways considering its series’ strong reputation for cut-above storytelling and incredible foreshadowing.

Also…in regards to Xenoblade 1…I don’t understand the appeal of Shulk and Melia as a mutually required ship — I’m sorry; if you love it, that’s 100% valid and I hope you have fun with it, but like…I just see zero romantic chemistry between them on Shulk’s side; I honestly see more chemistry potential between Fiora and Melia and that isn’t even canon on any level. I really think Melia is just best narratively having a one-sided interest in Shulk; anything else has always just felt forced to me.

Pokémon fandom: This is one of those fandoms where I have more of a problem with the dislikes than the likes, but I guess as with most games, I don’t really see the appeal of a truly open world; Scarlet and Violet pulled it off alright, but it wasn’t entirely open, and even then it had the typical issues of limiting storytelling ability through lack of any linearity at many points. I know many people are going to say “oh, but Pokémon has very rarely had a super deep story; it’s pretty much only a select few of the middle and more recent gens that did this”, and that may be true, but…why should we have to go back from that?

People use this excuse with many older games that have had a long series — that because their first iterations “weren’t that deep”, it’s somehow the natural and most acceptable course of action to go back to those roots, even if they’ve come very far from that over the years, and to me it’s just absurd. It’s like saying that we should go back to using outhouses because that is the purest form of using a bathroom and it was the way bathrooms were always meant and intended to be used; as we get more advanced in technology, we are naturally going to progress and do more that once could only have been a dream to us before. All old games weren’t necessarily lacking story because they “didn’t want to do anything more”, but because they didn’t have those capabilities. 2D games weren’t all 2D because no one wanted them to ever be seen in 3D, but because 3D wasn’t possible yet.

I will never understand the desire to backtrack on progress made simply because “that’s how it was back in the day”.

…Also, as far as the anime, I get that the idea of Ash growing up would’ve been cool and all, but like…I seriously don’t understand why it’s that big of a deal to people. Ash staying in a form that’s iconic is hardly surprising or beyond understanding, and really I would’ve cared more to see Ash grow emotionally from all of his journeys than physically, but eh. To each their own.

Super Mario fandom: The OoC situation that happened with Princess Peach at the end of Super Mario Odyssey. Straight up, I will say that I’ve never played the game, but from what I have heard (and please do correct me if I’m wrong!!!), Peach straight up rejects both Bowser and Mario from marrying her at the end, and like…for some reason everyone thinks this is some cool girl power moment instead of realizing that this, while maybe a cool message had it been any other character with any other two pushy suitors, is…actually deeply out of character for her.

It wouldn’t be so incredibly OoC if it weren’t for the fact that in all previous Mario games, Peach has been explicitly in love with Mario and very, very happy to be with him and be very romantic with him every time he’s rescued her, and he’s always been a gentleman to her, too, so like…the whole thing just sounds really off to me and I’m not sure why not many people are bothered by this like I am.

Maybe I just don’t have the context everyone else does. I don’t know.

Persona fandom: …Persona 5; don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed the story of this one quite a bit and I think it had great foreshadowing, but like…at least comparatively to 3, I don’t know why it seems to be “the baby” of the fandom. As a story, 3 is just so much more compelling and emotionally high stakes, with a lot more actual deaths and consequences and, frankly, more interesting twists and characters on the whole, and that’s all I’m going to say on that…for now.

Persona 5 was…pretty alright; Persona 3 was stellar.

Makai Ouji fandom: Pretty much the same situation as Pikmin here; while I’ve technically been in this fandom for at least 7 or 8 years, I…don’t really have enough active interaction with the greater fandom to know if there are any popular opinions or ideas I’d disagree with.

There are some fandoms that I just…don’t really have the drive to engage with that much outside of the source material, and this is one of them. Sometimes you feel called to engage with and observe the larger fan base and its creations, and sometimes you just don’t; this is one of the latter times.

Person of Interest fandom: I’m just gonna say it — Shoot. I know it’s canon, but honestly, that pairing felt so fucking forced — and I don’t mean forced as in “oh, they need to stop shoving gay relationships down our throats” like you’d expect to hear from some bigot or something, I mean forced as in they weren’t compatible, there was no chemistry, and literally no strong lead-up to the relationship whatsoever. One day the Machine was just like “oh I predict a possible timeline where you two get together” and then suddenly that one hypothetical possible scenario was enough for them to actually get together after an eternity of hating each other and torturing each other and literally trying to kill each other.

I think the pairing sucks and it felt terribly shoehorned at the very end of the show, when there were a million better options out there for the both of them, and then within like two episodes they killed one of them off anyway.

If anyone reading this likes it, then good on you, but personally I will just never understand the appeal of it.

Code Vein fandom: Honestly, the same situation as Pikmin and Makai Ouji here. I love the game dearly and I definitely consider myself a member of the fandom, but also I’ve never truly interacted with the rest of the fandom enough longterm to pick up on any grievances I might normally have about it; what little I have seen of the fandom, they’re very nice and chill people who really enjoy character creation mode, and pretty much that’s all I know of them.

Five Nights at Freddy’s fandom: Damn, I guess this is how I come out about being this one after years of silence, huh…

Oh well… I’m sure there are actually many things I could be talking about here if I put my mind to it lol, but I’ll probably just go with the fact that wayyyy too many people are comfortable and content with just writing off Gregory as evil or cold-blooded, when Ruin made it pretty damn clear that the Mimic was the one who made Cassie take the plunge in the elevator, and not him.

This fandom has a lot of wildly incorrect theories, though.

…Also, I don’t really understand the appeal of wanting to fuck the animatronics, but meh, maybe they’re just not humanoid enough for me. *shrugs* I like my anthropomorphic animals to have a massive dash of humanoidness to them and these guys just…don’t. Also they’re inherently super spooky and I’m not usually about that life.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE fandom: Dude, we’re seriously a fandom of like literally 5 people across the entire internet; we ain’t big enough of a fandom to have problems amongst ourselves about popular takes. A take from one single person could be considered popular here. …But really, we all seem pretty cool from what I’ve seen.

Fringe fandom: I don’t usually actively engage in this one’s large-scale fandom, either, but when I have…I can’t say I’ve ever seen a take I disagreed with, really; at least not one that’s stood out to me, so…yeah. It’s all good, I guess.

Nier Replicant/Automata fandom: Honestly, we have the same situation here as Pikmin, Makai Ouji, Code Vein, and Fringe. I have no idea about the favoritism or the takes because I don’t really hang out in this fandom in my spare time all that much.

I’m sure there are things I’d take issue with if I searched enough, but what little I’ve seen of it is fine.

Other fandoms: Since I’m sure I’m forgetting quite a few and/or don’t consider myself a big/long/active enough fan to list them here, I’ll just lump all the rest into this category and say, obviously if I have had any interactions that I’ve learned fandom takes or favorites I’ve disagreed with from, they didn’t make a big enough impression to end up on this list, so all things considered, they must not be super bad to me — probably.

—

Aaaand that’s all of them! Thanks for the ask and happy reading!

[qwerty-keysmash]

tmagp episode 1 live thoughts

ohoho i cannot wait for you to be terrible in my ears again alexander j newall

NEW INTRO NEW INTRO

jesus christ that is some intense intro music

computer?? noises???

addiction to vitamin d asjdashdf

""big milk"" im crying

ok i love these two already they are hilarious

is he leaving? :(((

aww he iss :(((((

THE BANTER I LOVE THEM

lena sounds like an asshole

this is a whiplash from tma ep 1 ngl

ok so theyve got some code or something that doesnt work??

that loud fake HEYYYYYYYY sfahj

...was the cake black forest??

is gwen the bouchard??

alice is already my favourite

so how is this one being recorded? obviously its not tapes

oh i love sams accent

"you can ignore that" so thats going to be relevant later, got it

a FLOPPY DRIVE

WINDOWS 95

PREDECESSOR TO WINDOWS 95

incidents...... spooky incidents mayhaps?? 0.0

they ARE spooky!!

DOLLS COMMA WATCHING VS DOLLS COMMA HUMAN SKIN ADGHAKDHAKD

they really have just reinvented smirke's 14

ohhhhhh it'll read out the cases so now we have STATEMENTSSS

a "chatter case" sounds so much funnier than statements lol

norris, chester, and agustus asdhjasdfajsk

OHHH SHIT NORRIS IS ALEX

IS NORRIS MARTIN??

WAIT DOES THAT MEAN THE OTHERS ARE JON AND ELIAS

FHASUOFIGASUHDKJNFJAMFGNAK

ok focus on the actual statement, blue

dont go in the spooky graveyardddd noooo

ah hello violins in the background, how i have missed you

the strangerrrrrr

of course its not arthur you dumbass

who tf is sending emails this poetic

oh hello gwen

ohh so shes actually good at her job, nice

fuck lena all my homies hate lena

aww i like gwen, hope shes not evil

FUCK LENA ALL MY HOMIES HATE LENA

mmmm but can she resign

oh she wants to climb the ranks, i see

poor sam, man just wanted to make small talk

ALICE AGJKSHAD

poor colin tho

THEYRE SO AWKWARD ITS KILLING ME

aw gwen and sam bonding

"the awful terrible thing" shes straight up asking about that origin story 2 seconds in lmao

JON JON JON AHDSGJKHSKVDAJFVSUYED

MAGNUS INSTITUTE????????

oh this is like a reddit forum or something

NOOO DONT GO CHECK IT OUT

well at least hes alive???

paranoid?? 👀

ok so a fire 20 years ago burnt the magnus institute

THE ARCHIVEEEEE

spooky symbols??? suspicious stains??????? oh im so invested

yep all that digital technology do be malfuctioning

you're paranoid? have you tried stalking your coworkers, ive heard that can help

oop hes getting doxxed

MAGNUS THEME IN THE BACKGROUND?????

OH NOOOOOO HES DEAD HES SO DEAD

EYES 👀👀👀

this is just your average reddit thread tbh

BLAST FROM THE PAST?????????

ok so jon is chester and martin is norris, so elias must be agustus

lol, going drinks at 6.30am

theyre exes haha, jongeorgie who??

oh shes smart fr

awwwwww

COLIN KNOWS RED ALERT

so the computers are listeninggggg

SO GOOD GOING TO NEXT EP NOW

[elijah-loyal]

🎸 elise-punx

me: yo pass the aux my friend: you better not play trash me: *plays the shittiest old-ass recording of that one guy's TERRIBLE punk rock band*

#listen i know i know its super unhealthy to like stalk people #but this guy??? #like he's done so much shit and he's not even that old??? #how does he have multiple phds AND has been in a band?? #teach me your ways

24 notes

🇺🇸 nixon-official Follow

Anonymous asked:

what do you think president nixons opinion would be on kaiju bone powder and do you think he'd shit himself?

#shit himself on powder??? #or the fact that its like #a new drug?? #anon please ���😭😭 #nixon official #satire #meme #nixon #america #joke account #kaiju #kaiju drugs #tw: drugs

57,603 notes

🦞 dick-gr4ys0n69 Follow

bruh im going down to my grandma's place in Lousiana for the weekend!!!!!

cant wait for the kaiju boil 🤤🤤🤤

🌼 tiny-tales-mariah

op... op did you mean cajun boil???  😭 😭 😭

🦞 dick-gr4ys0n69 Follow

FUCK YOU'RE RIGHT 😭 I'VE BEEN ON MY FORUMS TOO MUCH AND IT AUTOCORRECTS NOW 😭 😭 😭

🐟 ka1jucr-AZE Follow

#op must be going CRAZY for their thing to autocorrect like that 😭 #kaiju typo #typo #op hope you have a good time 🙏

89,003 notes

🤾 jaeger-meister Follow

it's so fucking stupid that you legally can't build a jaeger unless you're involved in the program, like what the fuck

#like apparently vigilanti-ism isnt allowed anymore #i've got a friend from MIT whos a fuckin whizz at this shit and he got arrested after a raid on his warehouse where he had jaeger blueprints in his bench #and that was apparently enough to fucking arrest him??? #he's tryna get out of jail now but like what the fuck #as if y'all are handling REAL jaegers well anyway

81 notes

🟩 gshsnyaloid Follow

is anyone else like, super fed up with the weird kaiju porn bots?

🌀 kaijubl00-8940275 Follow

click the link in my bio for some 🔞🌀🐉 :)

#fandom #spn #iasip #kaiju #kaijuu #kaiju blue #18+ #nsfw #haircut #sherlock bbc #amc iwtv #iwtv #disney

1,075 notes

🏴󠁵󠁳󠁯󠁨󠁿 j-toh-io Follow

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK I JUST GOT INTO TRAINING FOR THE JAEGER PROGRAM!!!

#this has been like my dream since i was a kid #i dont even have a cool story or anything im from ohio so its not like weve ever HAD a kaiju attack #but HOLY SHIT IT ALL PAID OFF GUYS!!!!!! #AHHHHHHH!!!!

9,067 notes

☕️ mother-squared Follow

Listen, guys; I keep seeing a loooooot of tumblrinas being SUPER weird about the two K-Scientists (yeah, THOSE two, you know who I'm fucking talking about) and it's just super insensitive and gross of you all to keep shipping them.

Like, these are real fucking people, not just characters!!! They have lives, probably wives and kids (and if they don't, does it really matter??), and not to mention that at ANY public appearance they literally hate each other.

This aren't guys for your little "yaoi blorbo hours," these are real fucking people who are trying to do their JOBS. Not to mention the WEIRD ideas y'all have about them (like, seriously??? wtf was that one post about the glasses guy helping the other down the stairs?? he literally has a cane its normal to help your colleagues down stairs when they're disabled). STOP FORCE-GAYING REAL LIFE MEN!! It's not cute.

🏳️‍🌈 tt-tiny-starz Follow

awwww, is op mad that people are queer??

☕️ mother-squared Follow

Literally no, you missed the entire fucking point of my post

🪻 appollo-and-hyacinthus-2005 Follow

Oh, the post where you said, "STOP FORCE-GAYING REAL LIFE MEN," in all caps? Don't worry op, (ignoring your blatant ignorance) i'll lay it out for you

neither of them have wives and kids; my mutual kstrait is super into K-Sci work and did background dives on each of them

they actually DON'T hate each other, as is evident from Dr. Geiszler's twitter account here; he FREQUENTLY vagueposts about his lab partner and rarely actually seems to get pissed about him. Also, wdym "public appearances????" They've literally appared together in public MAYBE three times in the last couple years, so how would YOU know if they hate each other in public???

have you SEEN ppdc-confessions page??? SO MANY of their anons are literally ppdc workers complaining about how bickering-married-couple they act

WHY ARE YOU DOWNPLAYING DR. GEISZLER HELPING DR. GOTTLIEB???? Dr. Gottlieb famously does not like people touching him (or even calling him by his first name, actually, according to one of ppdc-confessions anons) so why would he let his lab partner???

Hope you can stop being a bigot and a jerk, op

☕️ mother-squared Follow

Excuse you, what the fuck??? Firstly, that PROVES MY POINT: you all are super fucking creepy literally LOOKING THROUGH these guys' backgrounds and shit. Also, relying on literal ANONS to prove a point? They're anons for a REASON, I can't believe you don't take that shit with a METRIC-TON of salt

Also, "downplaying his assistance?" I'M disabled, and your weird fucking infantilization of disabled people is disgusting. We're not babies that need help all the fucking time, and it's super gross of you to do that.

🪻 appollo-and-hyacinthus-2005 Follow

what are you even talking about??? WHERE have i infantilized disabled people?? that has NO bearing on this conversation, omfg

☕️ mother-squared Follow

Jesus, you people will do anything to justify your sick fucking fantasies. Have anything else to add?

🧰 kstrait Follow

hey

hey op

old man yaoi

#jesus this person is chronically online #its all in good fun, like come on #EDIT: LMFAO THEY BLOCKED ME

389,028 notes

🪽 faggle-d4ke Follow

y'all i think they should let me into the shatterdome with no

📟 sir-this-isnt-a-wendys Follow

guys i think they sniped op 😭😭😭

#LMAOO MY CAT SAT ON THE KEYBOARD AND HIT SEND MY BAD #IM ALIVE

28,034 notes

Pacific Rim Dashboard Simulator

🙇‍♀️ alphamycherno Follow

i don't know about this "let's build a wall" thing like. where's the sexiness? the vibes? what's the point of war if we don't even have hot people in big fuckass robots anymore

🎴 coyote-t Follow

there are so many legitimate, important reasons to protest the wall of life, but whatever it takes i guess. sure. it's not fuckable enough

5,345 notes

🐉 exxxtraterrestrial Follow

happy kaiju blue monday!!

#happy kaiju blue monday

137,294 notes

🦅 ppdc-confessions

Anonymous asked:

I'm a janitor at the HK shatterdome and certain two german scientists should either fuck or finally kill each other at this point, I don't care. They're always in the lab no matter the time of day so I can't avoid them and so they try to get me (the janitor) to choose sides in their domestics!! I refuse to step in that lab again and involve myself in whatever the fuck they've got going on. They'll just have to clean that shit themselves

#this is the third confession about these scientists this week are you guys okay

306 notes

🍱 scissure

are we forgetting that PPDC is literally military like you people are not immune to propaganda

☠ buena-guy Follow

You are right. The kaiju are here to bring us to justice, there's no sense in fighting them. If you also feel like this, you can find out more on my blog ❤

🍱 scissure

SILENCE, CULTIST

870 notes

💃 shatterdo-me Follow

what if we kissed in the drift 🥺👉👈 and we were both girls 😳

#ok but for real what do you mean i have to go get into the MILITARY to become a JAEGER PILOT if i want to find my SOULMATE this is so fucked up #release the tech #for the gays

38,563 notes

[weaselbeaselpants]

Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism;  the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would  unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day,  but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with.  Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa.   It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton.  Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

[bitsandbobsandstuff]

The (not naked) pin-up calendar

Summary: When you ask for a favor, Bucky (very) grudgingly agrees. What can you do to thank him? Return the favor, of course.

Characters: Bucky x Reader; a plethora of Avengers Warnings: Hardcore fluff. Soldiers wrestling like immature children. Steve being weirded out by nut sacks. Harry Potter references. A hint of naughty times at the end.

A/N: This is silly and fun and what can I say, writing sassy Bucky makes me happy. This is for @beckzorz 1k Writing Challenge (go follow this incredibly talented, beautiful lady), and my prompt was ‘Pin-up calendar’. Thanks a million for hosting Becca, I love you 3000! ♥️

Want to find all my stories? Search #bitsmasterlist or try the link in my bio!

*****

Overnight, the list gets tacked on the corkboard in the kitchen.

Bucky’s rummaging through the pantry, searching for his breakfast Doritos and a jar of salsa to dunk them in, when he glimpses his name from a distance. Snatching up a butter knife, he wanders over to the wall. When he sees the list header, he whirls around in a flurry of tangled hair and irrational grumpiness.

“What the hell is this?”

Bucky complaining first thing in the morning is par for the course, so both Sam and Steve, strolling in to search for breakfast, ignore him. Sam veers toward the sugary cereal cabinet, Steve heads for the oversize Ironman container housing granola, and Bucky stomps his foot like a toddler.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Steve says seconds later, through an overflowing mouthful of flaxseed and yogurt. “You already agreed. You’re not backing out.”

Bucky spins around and reads the flyer again.

---

“Avengers Calendar Shoot”

See below for your name and photo call timing.

Monday: Carol (10am), Wanda (2pm), Scott (6pm)

Tuesday: Rhodey (10am), Sam (2pm), Steve (6pm)

Wednesday: Tony (10am), Bruce (2pm), Natasha (6pm)

Thursday: Thor (10am), Clint (2pm), Bucky (6pm)

---

Stomping his foot again, Bucky stabs the flyer with the aforementioned butter knife.

“Someone better be yankin’ my dick right now,” he warns. “I definitely didn’t agree to bare my wrinkly nut sack for the whole fucking world to see.”

Sam dry heaves over his Lucky Charms.

Steve’s now filling his Black Widow coffee mug and rolling his eyes.

“What is it with you always trying to be naked? It’s not a naked thing, it’s a charity thing. Innocent children who don’t know what an asshole you are will see this, so you better be wearing clothes,” Steve gives his mug an annoying slurp. “Besides - you already agreed. No takebacks.”

“Steve,” Bucky crisply pivots, launching metaphorical murder darts from his eyes. “We’ve talked about this. Don’t tell me how to live my life.”

“Well it was your girl who convinced everyone to do it, so good luck telling her you’re a liar.” Instead of responding, Bucky holds up a Dorito in front of Steve and peers around the silhouette. Draws a few angles in his head. “What?” Steve asks brusquely.

“Nothing,” Bucky mutters. The chip cracks between his teeth with a puff of toxic orange. “Just makin’ an observation.”

“Just wear your scary leather bondage uniform with your scary mask and stand there all scary. You don’t even need to smile,” Sam says. Spooning cereal in with one hand, his other is attempting to worm its way into Bucky’s bag of chips. Cradling the Doritos under his arm, Bucky twists away, blocking the attack.

“Good way to lose a finger. Don’t touch my things.”

Sam swallows his cereal, ignores the lethal look in Bucky’s eyes, and tries again.

Steve joins in.

And so, when you roll into the kitchen a few minutes later, here’s what you find: three Avengers, three veteran soldiers, wrestling over a bag of Doritos. Bucky has Sam in a headlock, Sam is kicking Bucky’s shins and hitting him with a milky spoon, and for some reason, Steve is dancing around trying to tickle them both.

Clearing your throat, the trio freezes.

You smile.

“Gentlemen.”

Flailing arms and legs instantly break apart. Sam and Steve have the good grace to look chastened, both stammering embarrassed apologies. Bucky simply shoves a fistful of Doritos in his mouth and smiles triumphantly. Striding over to you, he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

“Babe, take my side here. You don’t want the whole world to see my nut sack, right?”

“Stop saying nut sack,” Steve hisses. “Nuts are gross.”

“Maybe your nuts are gross Steve,” Sam pipes up, rubbing his shirt with a wet rag, trying to clear away Bucky’s orange powder fingerprints, “but my nuts are awesome.” After a few harsh scrubs, he sees the futility and throws the rag in Bucky’s face. Stalking from the kitchen, he shouts something about laundry wheels and Oxyclean.

When you pluck the bag of Doritos from Bucky’s grubby hands, he releases them easily and grins at your exasperation. Sidling close, he rubs up against you like a needy kitten, so you hug him tight, dipping your fingers down to squeeze his butt.

“Please do it Bucky, I already told them you would. Wear anything you want, you don’t even have to smile,” you murmur in his ear, knowing precisely which buttons to push. “And besides, I bet I’m not the only one who wants to see those pretty blue eyes. Right?”

Bucky purses his lips. Wrinkles his nose. Grumbles under his breath.

And because you’re looking at him all wide-eyed and soft, he gives in.

Like he always does.

“Fine,” he huffs. “Fine. I’ll do it for you.”

“So much drama,” Steve mumbles through his granola. Bucky lunges for him, but Steve drops his bowl in the sink and skirts past, rushing for the door. Looking back, he throws Bucky a challenging smirk, before smacking into the doorframe. There’s a brief ricochet and then he’s scurrying down the hall, laughing as he goes.

“Idiot,” Bucky mutters.

Folding your fingers behind his neck, you turn his face back to you and kiss his stubbly cheek. “Thank you. Reason number one billion and two why I love you.”

At the brush of your lips, Bucky promptly grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you in the air. Spinning around, he shuffles over to the counter and drops you on top. Settling between your legs, hands flat on the counter boxing you in, his mouth finds the open space above your shirt collar and he proceeds to kiss every square inch.

“The things I do for you,” he breathes, sucking his favorite spot along your neck. It makes you shiver, that thing he does with his tongue. “You realize now I gotta go on a diet.”

“What? No, you don’t. You look perfect.”

Disappointingly, he stops that whole talented tongue thing and leans back. Grinding your heels into his butt, you kick him, urging him to stay put. Instead, he sighs in that tragic, pay attention to me way that only Bucky Barnes can do.

“Obviously I’m perfect, so are you by the way, but the camera adds five pounds. I have to preemptively lose it.” Crinkling up his now empty bag of Doritos, he throws it at the trash can and misses by a mile. He gives you a hangdog, pathetic sort of look. “This sucks.”

Bucky Barnes, ladies and gentlemen. The most dramatic human being on the planet.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t need to diet. You could weigh a thousand pounds and it wouldn’t matter, you don’t - “

“Maybe not, like, a thousand pounds,” Bucky interrupts. “That’d make sex super hard. And not good hard. Just awkward hard. You know? Like when Hagrid’s mom and dad had sex. Which I still don’t understand how that’s supposed to work and I’ve done a shitload of research on it, been on all kinds of forums and talked to some experts - there’s a guy at SHIELD who specializes in interplanetary species relationships, I don’t know if you knew that - but anyway it just makes no sense because she would have killed that little guy if he tried to bang her, and I’m sorry, that’s the tea and I’ll fucking fight anyone who disagrees.”

Pausing for breath, he looks so earnest you almost hate to stop him.

“Buck, maybe we try one day where you don’t reference Harry Potter? I know you’re a fan, but - “

“I drew some diagrams,” he continues. “Boning diagrams. But like, I still can’t get it to work.”

Staring into space, he lets his marvelous tactical brain run every scenario of sexual acrobatics required to establish the feasibility of human-giant sex.

This could go on forever. Once Bucky gets knee-deep in fan forum theories, hours will lapse before he swims up for air. Many a morning has found him still in his boxers, laptop on his knees while he smashes the keyboard, arguing with virtual enemies about the physical features of Hogwarts house founders or the complex nuances of international Wizarding trade law.

The truth is - Bucky Barnes is a god damn nerd.

Clapping your hands, you drag him back to real life.

“Focus please. You’re good to do this then? Without the diet?”

“I really really hate it,” he replies, matter of fact, “but I really really love you, so if you want me to, I guess I’m in. But I’m still losing five pounds.”

“You’re my favorite, you know that?” Slipping your hands up under his shirt, you massage the tight muscles alone his spine and he hums happily. Flashing a lazy grin, he boops your nose.

“You know what? I think you should do it too. Be so great to have a sexy poster of you for those long nights when I’m gone and can’t sleep,” he waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “If you know what I mean.”

“I’m going to pretend I don’t know what you mean.”

“Whatever. Like you don’t have a folder full of dick pics with my name on it,” he laughs.

“I wish you’d stop sending me those,” you say sternly. “You know this is my work phone.”

“So? You always need fresh material for your diddle box. Keeps the romance alive,” he says. Reaching up behind you, he tugs open the snack cabinet and rummages for a new bag of Doritos. The airtight blurp of a new jar of salsa follows.

“I’m sure I’ll regret this, but - what exactly is a diddle box?”

Massive Winter Soldier eye roll.

“All the pictures and videos and sexy shit you use to masturbate. Clearly.”

“Why do I ask you questions,” you sigh.

“I’m starting my diet tomorrow,” he answers instead, before dunking a fresh Dorito in the salsa.

*****

The next two weeks are spent with Bucky mostly eating raw vegetables and baked chicken breast and loudly commenting on the sorrows of dieting to everyone he encounters.

“You’re being ridiculous Bucky. No one told you to lose weight.”

“No,” he says glumly, crunching a celery stick with a martyred expression. “I need to be hot. Beauty is pain.”

“You are a pain.”

He sighs dramatically. Stares wistfully into the distance. Snaps a carrot in half.

“The things I do for you.”

“Jesus.”

*****

AVENGERS CALENDAR SHOOT THIS WEEK!

Remember to be on time, or we will choose the worst picture of you and print that.

We’re assholes that way.

Thanks,

Management

*****

MONDAY

(SEPTEMBER: Danvers, Carol; Captain Marvel)

Carol throws her bomber jacket over her red, blue, and gold uniform, and adds a sleek pair of vintage Ray Bans. Climbing into the cockpit of her fighter jet, she turns herself all glowy and golden, the color bouncing merrily off the control panel. Tipping her face down to the camera, she flashes the Shaka sign and gives the photographer a huge smile.

(FEBRUARY: Maximoff, Wanda; Scarlett Witch)

Wanda goes all out on all things red. Clad in a long red dress and long coat, surrounded by hundreds of red flowers - tulips and roses and carnations - she curls her fingers and everything around her begins to glow with a warm red light. When she smiles at the camera, her head tilts shyly.

(OCTOBER: Lang, Scott; Antman)

Is Scott actually in the picture or did someone spill coffee? The photographer sees a white sheet and a black spec, and scratches his head in confusion. Antman is kinda weird.

*****

TUESDAY

(NOVEMBER: Rhodes, James; War Machine)

Rhodey shows up dressed head to toe in gunmetal colored armor. When he snaps the faceplate down, the photographer timidly asks if maybe he wants to show his face. Rhodey flips the faceplate back up, reminds the photographer how badass this armor is, and says nope. He’s all good, thanks.

(APRIL: Wilson, Sam; Falcon)

Sam has spent the last few nights practicing his Zoolander pout in the bathroom mirror. He decides to wear a tight black t-shirt and comfortable jeans, with his wings spread wide, Redwing hovering beside him. At the last minute, his sultry pout melts into an animated belly laugh and they decide to use that one instead.

(JULY: Rogers, Steven; Captain America)

Steve goes back to his roots. Wearing a too small shirt and holey old jeans, he gazes pensively at the easel in front of him, glossy blond hair combed in a perfect wave. Fingers dusty with charcoal, he points to the picture he’s drawing and insists they capture it in the photo as well. They later realize he was drawing a picture of his own ass. That month gets labeled “Steve Rogers and America’s Ass”.

*****

WEDNESDAY

(MAY: Stark, Tony; Ironman)

Tony wears the bottom half of his suit and his favorite Black Sabbath t-shirt. Posing in his lab, he floats a few feet off the ground, crossing his arms and giving that trademark smirk. Scattered around him are random bits of technology and a few arc reactors, with Dum-E and a steaming platter of cheeseburgers in the background.

(JUNE: Banner, Bruce; Incredible Hulk)

Bruce looks a bit rumpled. The publicity shy scientist in him detests these things, but he’s a good sport for a good cause. Surrounded by microscopes and beakers of dazzling green liquids, he allows the teeniest quirk of his lips. Hands tucked in his pockets, messy curls fall over his forehead, and Bruce just feels happy to be included.

(JANUARY: Romanoff, Natasha; Black Widow)

Natasha asks for her photo in black and white. Dressed in shadows and tulle, she is nothing more than a dark figure against a white backdrop. On her feet, are a pair of ballet slippers, their satin ribbons looped and laced around her ankles. When she arches slowly up on pointe, her arms curve gracefully over her head and there’s an ethereal stillness about the image. Natasha is amazing.

*****

THURSDAY

(DECEMBER: Odinson, Thor; Thor)

Thor wears an enthusiastic smile when he arrives - and not much else. Dressed in a cherry red speedo, black boots, and his swirling red cape, he stands with one fist on his hip and Mjolnir held lovingly in the other. When the photographer asks about his outfit, Thor proudly describes something called “fan art” he saw online of himself wearing this outfit, mentioning how many “re-blogs” it had. He thinks he might wear this outfit more often, if that’s what the Midgardians want.

(AUGUST: Barton, Clint; Hawkeye)

Clint has a cup of coffee in one hand, a pot of coffee in the other. He wears purple sweatpants and a grey tank top and he yawns every five seconds. When asked what pose he’d like to use, he pretends his hearing-aids are broken. He lays down for a nap and the photographer goes with that.

(MARCH: Barnes, James “Bucky”; Winter Soldier)

Bucky leaves his leather bondage gear, his excessive collection of knives and guns, and his murder scowl at home. Instead, he arrives in black jeans and boots, a dark blue t-shirt stretched across his broad shoulders, his tousled hair brushing the collar of his jean jacket. Perched casually on the seat of his restored Harley, he looks carefree and sweet, offering that signature smile that always sets hearts aflutter.

*****

When the final photo is taken, Bucky ambles over to where you stand with the photographer, reviewing proofs. Snuggling up beside you, he moves in for a kiss and stops in surprise.

“What’s with the lipstick?” he asks, bemused. “That’s new.”

You seem momentarily flustered by the question, stuttering something about losing your chapstick and trying new things. Bucky shrugs and dives in anyway. It makes no difference to him. Painted red or completely bare, your lips are always his favorite flavor.

*****

“They’re here!”

The box of calendars lands with a thump on the kitchen counter.

“Excellent. Are we hot?” Steve asks, his mouth full of cheesy pizza.

“I’m always hot,” Sam answers, ripping into the box. “Yesterday I saw a Buzzfeed post about how hot I am, and it said 11/10 recommend.” Yanking out the pile of calendars, he throws one to Steve. “That means more than 100% would recommend. I’m beloved.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a national treasure,” Steve argues. Reaching for a calendar, he flicks impatiently until he finds himself.

Leaving the team to laugh and bicker and poke fun of each other, you grab your bag (and another small package), heading off to search for your favorite assassin slash model.

His door is cracked when you reach it, low music in the background. Knocking lightly, you push it open.

“Hey Buck. Are you busy?”

Surrounded a chaos of metal, Bucky sits cross-legged on his bedroom floor. A tin of gun oil lays open beside him, a shredded old t-shirt in hand, while he cleans and reassembles his guns. This particular task has taken him literally all day, because Bucky Barnes has yet to meet a gun he doesn’t need.

(Seriously. He needs them. All of them. Stop questioning him, Steve.)

At your voice, an adorable smile scrunches up his face. Bouncing to his feet, he leaps gracefully from the middle of the mess and scoops you up, twirling in a circle and stealing your breath with a warm kiss.

“Hey sweetheart, what’re you doin’ here?”

“Something arrived. Thought you might like to see.”

Handing over the calendar, Bucky wipes his hands on his jeans. A nervous energy makes his fingers fumble when he riffles through the pages.

He stops abruptly at March.

“Huh,” he says, observing his portrait from every angle. Turns it sideways, upside down, pinches his lip. Squints a little. Finally, he nods. “Yeah. Okay, yeah. I look pretty great. I think? Right? I don’t know, what do you think?”

It’s funny.

Sometimes, you hold your breath when you watch at him. There are these little things. The bright excitement in his eyes maybe, or the way he scratches his jaw when he gets nervous, or the absentminded way he tucks his hair behind his ear.

It does things to your heart.

“Yeah,” you say, mesmerized by those little things, “you really do.”

Bucky looks up. Sees your face and breaks into a wide grin. He loves when you look at him like this, like he’s the only thing that matters. Like he’s your whole world. Like you love him.

It does things to his heart.

Snapping the calendar shut, he flings it on his bed. Blue eyes rake you up and down and he pokes his lip out in an exaggerated pout.

“Still think you should’ve done it too,” he says. “Bet you would’a looked so hot.”

At his comment, you reach into your bag and pull something free. Silently, you hand over a second square, this one wrapped in black paper, a silver bow taped along the edge.

“What’s this?” he asks curiously.

Shrugging, your expression stays neutral.

“Open it and see.”

Like a kid on Christmas morning, he rips the paper away.

He freezes.

Blinking rapidly, he looks up. Silver fingers delicately trace the shiny picture and he swallows hard.

“Honey, is this - did you do this for me?” he asks softly. Flipping gently through each page of this special, one-of-a-kind calendar, he shakes his head in slow disbelief.

Because there you are.

Posing in March, holding his favorite confetti cupcakes adorned with birthday candles in front of your naked breasts.

Posing in July, dressed in a vintage red, white, and blue USO uniform, white boots on your feet and crackling sparklers in your hands.

Posing again in October, wearing a slutty pumpkin dress with cut-outs revealing slivers of your sweet, sexy assets.

Each picture is incredible. Full of vivid colors and your sunny smile. No air-brushing, no fake poses, just you. Indescribable and undeniably beautiful, bursting with love.

All for him.

Bucky rubs his chest absently, feeling his heart thumping with every turn of the page. And then he reaches the last month, and there’s a strangled squeak. He stares intently at the page. Looks up at you. Back to the page. Back up at you. Closes his eyes briefly.

This is it, this is his favorite, his absolute fucking favorite thing of all time, the image instantly wiping all other thoughts from his proverbial spank bank.

There.

You.

Are.

Damn.

Tacked above you is a sprig of mistletoe, a concession to the holiday theme. But it’s the outfit that does it. Black combat boots, lacy red lingerie, deep red lipstick, and an empty thigh holster. You’re pointing one of his favorite guns at the camera and giving a sly wink.

Mind-blowingly, devastatingly, breathtakingly gorgeous.

Bucky awkwardly adjusts the rising situation in his pants, raising lust-blown eyes to yours. Licking your lips, you give him a hesitant smile.

“Do you - um, do you like them?”

It makes you panic when he says nothing. He simply stares. But then he sets the calendar carefully, reverently, aside. Slipping a hand behind your neck, he hustles you backward until you bump the door, slamming it shut. His warm mouth slants over yours, that talented tongue returning to sweep over your lips. The kiss is hot and frantic, tinged with an edge of wild excitement. When he finally breaks away, his voice is low, dark gravel in your ear.

“Listen. I’m gonna need you to get all those outfits and put on every,” he kisses your throat, “single,” he trails his lips up to your jawline, “one,” and now he’s panting in your ear, “and then I wanna take pictures of me taking everything off, before I fuck you so damn good. How’s that sound?”

Sliding a hand between his legs, your answer makes him tremble.

“Sounds like a deal.”

*****

[frigidairifique]

A meme about how M is trashy

BASICS: Name: Unknown Nicknames: M age: 14 Mental age: 12 Gender: Female Sex: Female Sexuality/romantic: Bisexual, Panromantic ONLINE: Username: wednesins Password: 4n4rch1@ most visited websites: Youtube, Reddit, uǝʌɐǝɥıɐʇuǝɥ Gets distracted by?: Everyone and everything Internet Senpai: Leliane Popularity: Unpopular as fuuuuuuck # of online friends: 5 Best online friends: Elijah (aka eliyunem) Forum Signature: “That’s all mother fuckers!” Cringiest thing posted: “Guys how do I remove a spider web I already ate?” Always makes them cringe?: When she breathes like a TH0T Tweets per day: She probably is one of the most inactive person on Twitter Strangest file names: “HOW TO BREATHN’T” Biggest folder: “random anime pics” spams people with: Memes Favourite YT video: https://youtu.be/GIhgJWmxdFc Browsing History: GoThIc LoLiTa dReSsEs Started a flame war?: Tried once. Never did it again. Do they know about 4chan?: Yep! SOCIAL: # of irl friends: 3 or something Type of friend: Emma, the bubbly one. Elijah, the shy one. Amberu, the crazy one. Evelyn, the dumb one. Vayda, the cute one. # of crushes: She loves to randomly try to seduce her friends even though she doesn’t really care about getting a gf/bf so, 0 crushes. Awkward level: IT’S OVER 9000 Walk into the club like: Doesn’t walk in. Most embarrassing moment: Her everyday life is embarassing Funniest joke: “How do we call a baker with a cold? A couchy cake. Yes, that’s a reference.” Worst joke: “How do we c-call a,, eehhh, n-nevermind hehe” Members of the squad: Emma, Elijah, Amberu, Evelyn and Vayda?? I already mentionned it?? ;u; Have they ever dated?: Nope Have they ever stalked?: E V E R Y D A Y Low-key better than friends: 2D anime girls Humans or Animals?: Both i guess? Most savage burn: “I’ll break your Nico nico knees, that’s not a threat : that’s a promise.” Desperation level: ULTRA VERY A LOT DESEPERATE Trust level for friends: Pretty high but stills stays a bit paranoied about it Most likely to trip over: She trips all the time. Clumsy stalker. Can talk about mushy stuff with: Elijah, Emma and Bonnie Always cheers them up: Everyone :3 Meanest moment: I guess that her meanest moments are when she overuses sarcasm to mock someone  Kindest moment: Showing off her love and affection when she gets cheesy uwu Always makes them cry: Sad songs Always makes them laugh: Jokes of all kind! Who do they look up to? Emma or Mayune Who looks up to them? Nobody :’) Sense of humour: Perverted and pretty dark Most regrettable friend: None. She is the regrettable one. Squad hangout spot: Under a tree Have they bullied?: Nope but they do get really mean and salty when in a bad mood Have they been bullied?: A bit FANDOMS: Main fandoms: A lot of anime fandoms and mainly vocaloids. How active?: Not a lot :/ Favourite Mediums?: Songs Amount of Fanart drawn: About 4 or 5 Amount of Fanart saved: A SHIT TON Favourite characters?: V4flower Most relatable character?:  # of characters they can name: otps: Miku x Gumi notps: Len x Gumi ( brotps: Rana and Otomachi Una ot3s: Yaoi or Yuri?: Both. Bara?: She isn’t against it but just doesn’t simp for it Do they RP?: Nah Do they read fanfiction?: Sometimes Anime or Cartoons?: ANIME What has made them cry most?: EeEhHh a lot of songs including a tragic storyline What always gives them a nosebleed?: lmao idkkk everything??? obsessed or casual?: Obsessed Cringiest past-fandom?: Isn’t that  Wishes was real: “Miku didn’t had to go to college then why sould I. Doen’t tell me that she doesn’t fucking exist you liar” Do they have fandom OCs?: Nah Pirate or buy?: Pirate sometimes;;; Do they call themselves trash?: Yes, a lot Have they shipped incest?: nonononononono Do people call them weeaboo?: Yep! And she is Longest marathon? Whaaa- were talking about fandoms right? SIN: What always turns them on?: Anime girls lololol What always turns them off? : nothing # of rare pepes: Shitpost level: She breathes like she shitposts Can never unsee: Those creepy ass creature in the dark. Yes they exists Secret kink nobody knows: Being superior (but in a kind way ya know? how am i supposed to explain) Secret kink everybody knows: Being inferior Heaven or Hell? Heeeeellll yeah Secret they'll take to the grave? Hey! I’m not going to leak a secret she’ll take to the grave on Tumblr :v Leaked nudes?: Nah Got any Blackmail? Once. The one blackmailing her got annoyed Parents caught them: Haha, parents? What are those?? Smoke? Drink? Drugs?: Underaged drinking once Says they hate but secretly loves: Says they love but secretly hates: Would go gay for: Already gAy Have they ever shit themselves?: lmao no Top or Bottom?: Bottom. But I personally use the term “Seme or Uke?” Most illegal thing they've done: Nothing. Too scared to even try  Amount of porn on computer: The homework folder is oddly full,, Name of porn folder: “Homework” 

C’mon you sinner I know you want to do this meme, huh, @ezelia-huhh :)))))

[discordandglory-blog]

Verticordi-nah || Cat, Fergus and Jax

Cat, Fergus and Jax get very drunk together after the Centurion’s Christmas party. This is hella late.

As Fergus stalked off the restaurant he tried to keep his head over his shoulders in the metaphorical sense - it helped that he had glass shards shoved so far up his palm so they kept him in the moment. His face felt warm, maybe probably because of the alcohol but at the same time, it felt like utter betrayal. He had done nothing but give his whole life to the Legion and now the very people that were supposed to be an extension of his family, turned on him. Puppet, idiot and many names that had been thrown and all he could do was walk away and lick his wounds like a dog. Hurrying off the restaurant and into the Forum, Fergus found himself a lone staircase, hidden by a pillar and sat by, slowly pinching shards from his bloodied hand and feeling tears well up on his eyes. He tried to keep them away but instead he only ended up crying on his injured hand.

Bottle of wine in hand, Cat stalked after Fergus as quick as she could possibly manage. She’d discarded her high heels for the moment and considering the fact that she had to take almost two steps for everyone of Fergus’ she thought that she had done a relatively good job at keeping up. All things considered of course. “Fergus,” she called to him, “can you slow down a fucking second.” She wasn’t bitter, not with him. Never with him. She’d been with him before his promotion, they’d grown up together and sure they may not have been that close but he was like a little brother to her and she couldn’t bear to see him in this much pain. Finally catching up with him, she paused as she realised that he was crying and pulled out the cork from the wine. “Here,” she said handing him the bottle, “drink and try to calm down. We don’t have to talk. Just let me look after that hand, you need to stop fucking yourself up all the time.”

Fergus seldom cried - in truth, he couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d caved in and cried. But this was one of those times, feeling cornered and scrutinized, he hated it. He loathed the very fact he couldn’t keep back, that he couldn’t control that. But of all people to bear witness to that, the Karavadras he didn’t mind as much. All three of his cousins were closer to him than his own brother had been - they had supplied where Murdoch had failed, they had loved him where his mother had lacked and Fergus held all three so high in his heart. “I’m sorry.” He tried not to sound as pitiful and slobbering as possible, though still reaching out for the wine and taking a long swig amid a sob, offering his hand out to Cat, a bloody mess of tears and skin and glass.

Jax was a step behind his family, having stuck around the dinner for a while longer— though he’d come soon enough to see the sad picture Fergus made. At least Cat had gotten here fast. Fergus had always been the baby of the family, younger even than Jax, and because of it all of them had taken a rather protective role towards the young man. Wordlessly, Jax had already begun to take the glass out of Fergus’ hand carefully, knowing Cat would most likely join in. “Well. At least the alcohol cleansed the wound, right?” he made a rather feeble joke. “And everyone got out of hand in there. You can’t take the blame.” Of course, Jax hadn’t approved of Fergus’ way of speaking, but that didn’t mean he didn’t agree with the man’s sentiments. They both held hate for the Greeks in their hearts.

Slipping gently in besides Jax, Cat began to pick the pieces of glass out off the wound. She wished she’d brought some vodka with her so that she could use that to clean out the wound, but red wine would have to do and borrowing the bottle from Fergus she took a large mouthful before pouring some of it on the wound. “We’re going to have to get more to drink anyway,” she said gloomily, this evening had not gone the way that she had hoped. “Maia and Lina were out of line,” she said firmly, “we’re not given our posts to question our superiors. Our system may not be perfect but we know that it works. We have to trust in the system.” She smiled gently at Fergus before pulling her scarf off and wrapping it tightly around his hand. “There, make sure that you drink nectar. I know that it tastes like shit to you but it’ll make you feel better. Now, I need another drink.” She dropped the empty wine bottle in a trashcan and frowned. “Bacchus bar?�� she suggested, “or Spoils of War?”

He hadn’t expected Jax to show up but at this point, more than half drunk and hurting in ways he didn’t know how to put in words, Fergus only let his walls down and cried. “I don’t know.” It was an honest answer as he wouldn’t even flinch at the siblings picking the glass of off his palm. He had the bad habit of stitching himself roughly and patching up a lot less gently than they were acting on it so it wasn’t bad at all. It still hurt. He watched as Cat wrapped his hand, then pulled it and rubbed over his face to try and wipe the tears away and sighed, letting his head fall forward a little. “I’d really like to get drunk right now.” And that could take a while but he didn’t mind if it was around his cousins - hell, his siblings in a way. He wanted to talk but he didn’t know how.

To be honest, Jax was still processing exactly how strong of a reaction Lina had given, most likely that relationship was going to be much changed after tonight. But thankfully, years of careful compartmentalizing had allowed him to shove whatever was going on there aside— especially seeing as Fergus so obviously needed his and Cat’s help at the moment. “Getting drunk sounds amazing.” Jax wasn’t usually that heavy of a drinker. But after tonight...he didn’t particularly want to be all that aware. “But why don’t we go to Verticordia?” The Fitzgerald bar had always been one of their haunts, and he could only guess that Fergus might want to be somewhere as familiar as possible right now. Though if Oleana was there...there’d have to be a change in plans. Jax wasn’t letting that demon of a mother anywhere near Fergus when he was in such a state as this.

Cat had dismissed Verticordia in her head due to the potential for someone to be there that they didn’t want seeing Fergus like this, but at Jax’s suggestion she found herself gently nodding along. “Let’s getting going,” she suggested. Once upon a time she would’ve climbed aboard Fergus’ shoulders like they used to do when he was still a kid, but already double her height. This time, she simply comforted herself by standing by his side as she led the two of them along the winding cobbled streets of New Rome and into Verticordia. Directing them to a table, she walked to the bar. “Three shots of whiskey and three largers, or Guiness. I don’t particularly care right now.” She dropped an extra drachma on the pile for her impatience. “Please.” She said pushing the drachmas towards him and returning to their table.

Fergus didn’t particularly feel like going to his family’s Pub, mostly because he didn’t want to risk his mother seeing him falling apart like this but the odds were small and he sure as hell could use some familiarity by now. Plus it was close enough that he didn’t need to walk around feeling like he had just been through the meat grinder. By the time they got there, there weren’t many customers left, it wasn’t a sports’ night and it was almost closing. He waved to the (two of) his uncles behind the bar and sat by a corner with Jax and Cat. It took only enough for Keegan to show up and simply drop three pints and a Jameson bottle by their table. “Ta, un.” Fergus nodded back at the man who didn’t ask any questions and left them be, so he merely reached out to literally pour a whiskey shot into the pint.

Jax raised a silent prayer to the gods when it turned out that Fergus’ mother was nowhere to be seen, as well as the fact that Keegan had done nothing more than dispense their alcohol to them. In a flash, Jax had downed the shot he’d been offered before chasing it with the pint he’s been presented with. For once, he didn’t want to be the responsible one, though he was still vividly aware of his desire to look after Fergus for the moment. “Drink up then, Fergus. Do your little Minnow name proud.” It was a childhood nickname between them, something of a joke towards Fergus’ heritage— as well as just the concept of the little fish being a common moniker for children younger than oneself. “Make like a fish. You too, Cat.”

Laughing brightly at her brother’s reaction, Cat swallowed her shot and took a long sip from her beer. “Well, there is nothing quite like the stuff that they serve here,” she smiled and poured them all another round of shots before swallowing hers and holding up the empty glass. “To the Legion and the shit show that we get to deal with whenever anything ever goes wrong.” She laughed mirthlessly and sat back in her chair, nursing her drink. “They have no clue what we’ve had to sacrifice for this place,” she was in the middle of a bar that was empty and the staff all knew about or were members of the cult, otherwise she wouldn’t be this frank, “Lina and Maia are naive, Adriana is trying desperately to keep the peace but there are too many pissed of Centurions.” She winced into her pint and shook her head. “Maybe we should all just give it up.” She laughed, it wasn’t a very funny joke. But she couldn’t imagine the three of them doing anything other than this.

Fergus couldn’t help the smirk that crept past his lips as Jax brought up his childhood moniker, it had been long since anyone could use any kind of diminutive regarding him, after all he had grown into his titan’s blood streak, but still, he had been practically raised by his cousins hands. He took a minute-long chug from the laced pint and simply reached out for the whiskey glass, downing it as well. Though with two of the people he loved most, Fergus suddenly felt painfully, terribly alone. “I thought about it.” Fergus admitted, voice lowered as if his mother was right around the corner - he had the faint impression she’d kill him before he gave up on the Legion and the brilliant career she had planned for him. He frowned at the beer mug in his hand, unable to look at his cousins. “Maybe I should just leave. The Legion. New Rome.” It was almost impossible to him - he was a demititan, his blood drew monsters like moths to a flame. But maybe that should be how he went out.

Jax had already lifted the second shot to his lips when Fergus’ words broke through the air. Just as he had resigned himself to getting absolutely drunk, he put down the shot. If Fergus was going to speak like this, perhaps Jax would have to save his own pity party for later. Though who knew when that later would be, if ever. It didn’t help that Leo had just left the Legion, and he wondered vaguely if everyone had made some sort of pact to ditch the Cohorts. Of course, he knew it to not be true. “Leaving the Legion is your choice. Though I’d say you’re a better asset to it than on the outside. And leaving New Rome…” he trailed off, emotional unavailability making it hard for him to speak openly. “Well, the family wouldn’t be the same.” It was the closest he could get to admitting he would miss Fergus if the man ever left in that moment.

A deep furrow marked Cat’s brow as she listened to Fergus’ selection, her head deep in the tankard of beer that had been provided for them. Wiping her mouth in a very unladylike manner that would’ve shocked her father, Cat wished that Jax could get over the masculine barriers to emotion that seemed to hold both her brother and cousin in place. “What Jax means is that you have worked just as hard as anyone else, you’ve not been given your place in the Legion, I know that you’ve earned it. You’ve done more for Rome than anyone could ever believe, and we’d be lost without you.” She grabbed another shot and swallowed it, the alcohol had destroyed the usual filter that she had in place. The mask of neutrality. But only around Fergus and Jax. Only family earned that mark of respect.

Boy’s don’t cry. That had been one of the first things he’d hear ever since his family had accepted him as a man, or at least acknowledged it that way but not much had changed since. Maybe if he still identified as a girl they’d still hold his weaknesses and failures up to his face. “Drink.” Fergus pointed to Jax before taking another shot himself. He wasn’t going to be drunk alone and he didn’t want to do any talking more than he had to. Fergus sneered as he sipped from his beer. “I thought about it but I’m not going to, it’s not like I’m good for anything else.” Most times he wasn’t even sure he was good at this - he couldn’t doubt himself, he served the Legion and the Senate, and the City of New Rome, even if that jeopardized his relationships. He still smiled back at his cousins, dunking another shot - how much he could drink until his mind blacked out, was a good question.

For Jax, it was less about gender and more about practicality— though it was likely that toxic masculinity had some part in his ways. But mostly it had to do with the fact that at the age of sixteen, after having been thrust into a blood-hungry and murdering Cult, he’d quickly learned that indifference was the easiest way to get a job done. He’d taken the practice of distancing himself from his emotions into his daily habits, learning fast that being cool and collected and shoving down otherwise distracting thoughts had inumerous benefits. Unfortunately, the Cult hadn’t seen fit to teach him an off button for the practice, though tonight had tested that in the last few moments of the Centurion dinner. “Oh, stop it. I told Leo, and I’ll tell you— you need to give yourself more credit.” He could still feel the emotions trying to break free of their neat little box he held inside him, and though it was most likely a bad idea, he followed Fergus’ advice and drank his second shot of the night, once more following it with a long swig of his pint that was now empty. By the end of it, his head had begun to swim in the slightest. After all, he was already some drinks in from their disastrous dinner. “And though I always hate to admit it, Cat is correct with what she said.”

Cat slugged back another shot of whiskey, the shots weren’t even burning the back of her throat anymore and she was pretty convinced that that wasn’t a good sign. The world seemed to swim around her and she pulled out her phone to call for her father’s driver to come and collect them. “Come on,” she grunted as she looked over to the Fitzgeralds that were drinking their own drinks, waiting for their last patrons to leave the bar so that they could close up for the night, “it is time that we got some sleep, we’re going to have a hangover like hell tomorrow and we’ve got to try and clean up this bullshit that happened tonight.” Standing, she stumbled and steadied herself against a chair. “I’m serious though Fergus, you can’t leave the Legion, the Legion needs strong leadership like you and the Legion needs people who aren’t afraid to do what they know they have to do. Just because other people don’t understand that doesn’t mean that you should pay the price.” She grabbed the mostly empty bottle of Jamesons and took a sip from it, wincing at the taste.

Fergus looked back at his cousins and curled his lips - lightweights, compared to him, he wasn’t nearly drunk enough and Jupiter knew how much he needed to erase this night from his memory. “You go home, you look trashed.” He waved at Cat and Jax, before reaching out again for the whiskey bottle as it reached its half. “I’ll be fine.” It was his family’s pub anyway and even if he passed out, he was going to be alright. He didn’t want to go back--- back where? His office? He couldn’t be in the Cohort with Maia glaring holes into his back every time, he couldn’t go to his family’s home without his mother being there. So there weren’t many options. Fergus poured himself another generous dose and reached out to get Cat’s phone, dialing Jefferson.

Jax wasn’t nearly as drunk as Cat, though he was still trying to make the effort to get to such a place. Perhaps it was Cat’s small stature that allowed her to get wasted faster than he could. Still, he was sober enough to realize that Fergus was dialing his father’s direct line rather than the driver’s, and he quickly pressed the end call button as a wave of panic overtook him. “Jeez, Fergus— get us murdered why don’t you?” Jefferson would be far from amused to get a call from his children at this hour, especially when they were less than sober. He shuddered at the thought of how their father would react to such a thing. But he quickly rectified the situation by dialing the driver’s line instead and handing the phone back to Cat. Most likely it would only take a few minutes for the driver to get here, but Jax didn’t like the idea of leaving Fergus in the state he was in. “Why don’t you come with us, Fergus? We can make up your usual room and everything. And you know Jefferson always welcomes family.”

Laughing Cat shrugged. “Are you kidding?! Get Jeffery down here so I can get taken home by daddy dearest.” She rolled her eyes and laughed mirthlessly. Rolling her eyes at the pair of them she picked up her phone and spoke quickly to the driver in Latin, instructing him to pick them up as soon as possible. Returning to the table she slumped back down. “Driver will be here soon but Fergus my brother is correct, we can’t leave you here on your own in this state, I’d hate to discover something happened to you when we had left you in this state.”

[the-agent-carter]

I know I’m screaming into the void.  Sometimes you need to document the incredible hurt that the world unleashes on you.  Sometimes you need to have a place to go when the life you worked hard on rebuilding is crumbling again.

Last year will always be the worst year of my life; I lost everything in one fair swoop and I had to drag myself out of that hole.  I fought for something I truly wanted like nothing else and yet it still failed.

My mental health is in the toilet; I’m on a higher dosage of my antidepressant but I’m having funny side effects.  I look worse than ever and I can’t lose weight.  And I can’t go to the gym because I, more than likely, have a hernia. I don’t have any actual friends, so I stay at home with my cat without much human interacton at all.  I eat and then I purge (which hurts my stomach), I drink hard liquor and watch mindless Youtube videos or buy useless shit (which I’ve put on a credit card and I shouldn’t) or scroll through Tumblr or cling desperately to the notes from my latest tarot reading and stalk a forum dedicated to things of that nature (and hope for it to be true, god be true). I go to work and I hate it.  I want to quit and just get in my car and drive.  I’ve wanted to drive to California, to one of the beaches at sunset, sit in the sand and when night falls just end it. No one would care; no one would mourn me.  All my life from my family to my peers to supposed friends and to the man that said he wanted to be with me forever...no one would give a fuck.

I’m tired of life punching me in the face constantly.  And no it’s not just COVID; everything really began to fall apart in 2018 and it hasn’t stopped.  I can’t get back out of this hole again. 

[motherboxing]

A thing I definitely feel like I understand is feeling this post-traumatic rage inside you that sometimes prompts you to just want to confront everyone with the ugliness that was forced on you against your will. I understand wanting to scream at the world, basically, “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!”

I also understand that it is really hard to be cautious about that shit sometimes when you’re traumatized, especially when you’re In It, because, you know, trauma fucks with your brain! Sometimes traumatized people are impulsive or overly confrontational or hard to anticipate and relate to. I’ve certainly been all of those things. 

Here’s the thing, though: if you’re gonna publicly be that, people will fucking eat you alive. They will. People, as a collective, like, people in our society or whatever, hate rape survivors and the instant you let a hair fall out of place they will rip you the fuck to shreds and you will regret ever having said anything. I have also been there, and it sucks. It all just kind of sucks because that’s, you know, trauma! And in my years as a woman on the internet who is also to some extent more or less public about having been abused/assaulted, I’ve been stalked, threatened, sexually harassed, sexually harassed with graphic language ABOUT MY OWN ABUSE, I’ve had total strangers hold months-long debates about the specific wording I used to talk about one aspect of abuse I experienced which ended up with most of them concluding through a twisted game of telephone orchestrated by some obsessive creeps that I raped my rapist(s) and then went around yelling at asexual rape victims because of it, like... by and large, I think if I could go back and re-do shit the decision to talk about certain things in a public forum would be one that I at the very least would seriously reconsider. So there is part of me that sees a disclosure meme and I just... really want to be like, “Okay but actually, telling people that can be kind of a big deal, when you do this do you know what you’re getting into?”

[toyhouse-dramas-archived]

Bakusatsu response

Uh yeah. I’m Bakusatsu and I don’t stalk anyone? I do frequent the forums, and I do see the most recently replied to shit on each. I check out a lot of threads and just decide they’re a lost cause and block too? Like, just because I frequent shitty threads doesn’t mean I’m actively hunting OPs or comments. I try to frequent HTML too...? I usually block most people a few days after the confrontation so we don’t have to see each other again. I’m not sure where the shit about me stalking people came from, but considering this anon apparently watches my every move, probably just projecting. I don’t actually care about those shitty people enough to interact with them again most of the time. And if I do, I don’t remember interacting with them before unless they were overly vile.

Also, I stalked Alb? Bitch, where? I hated that kid, blocked him as soon as that argument kicked off in his shitty thread. I don’t want to see or respond to his opinions, his dumbass was everywhere though. And people do share problematic shit in servers I’m in too, that’s also where I check them out from.

But y’all seriously looking at the wrong person here. There’s a user who goes out of their way to DM everyone Alb interacts with just to tell them he’s said shitty things on here, and I’ve got them blocked too. Because that’s fucking stalking.

Those guys and their shitty opinions are no less important to me as I’m sure I, and my shitty opinions are to them. So don’t flatter yourselves into thinking I care enough to watch your every move. I cannot name a single user on TH I’ve disagreed with other than the one already brought up because I really, truly, don’t care lol. I’d assume they’re the same.

Edit: I don’t really know why I’m explaining myself to Anons though, y’all will twist that shit around into the opposite somehow.

TL;DR: I don’t care about shitty people enough to follow what they do. I don’t actively hunt one or two users. And I don’t even remember most of the people I’ve spoken hostile to. Because it really is a “This thread looks like a mess, that opinion is shitty, I’m going to reply” situation not “X said something, now I have to”.

[shiphitsthefan]

Hi! Just wanted to pop in and say hi and introduce myself. Obsessively stalk your blog (I LOVE your writing, btw) - I just recently began to consider myself ace/aro, and I was wondering if you could share a bit more about your experience? No pressure there, ofc, just wanted to give you a hug for all the hate you've been getting. :)

Hello! Welcome aboard, citizen. (And thank you so much–I’m glad my writing makes you happy!) And I’m absolutely okay with sharing my aro experience. I can’t remember if I’ve ever talked about it here or not.

For the vast majority of my life, I had no idea that there was even a word for how I felt. It never occurred to me that people didn’t feel the same way as I did when it came to love. I always heard that women and men married their best friend; since I grew up in an overwhelmingly straight community, once I started dating, I basically lost touch with all of my other friends. My real best friends. It sucked, but I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

The problem was that the people I loved most were other girls. (I thought I was a girl, too, and that, again, everyone felt the same way I did. Autism makes life very interesting.) Still, I wanted to get married–I was supposed to, after all–so I stayed focused on boys, though I did ask a girl to my junior prom, because I’d finally come out as bisexual.

People called me boy-crazy, and oversexed, and obsessive. In actuality, I was trying my best to fit into a worldview I didn’t understand. Being in love didn’t feel any more important than being a good friend; when exes got pissed off that I moved on so quickly, it hurt. I got so much shit dumped on me in high school. College was worse, though, for basically the same reasons.

I finally started realizing that something about my view of relationships was different in my sophomore/junior year of college. When I was distracting myself from being incapable of focusing on my work (undiagnosed autism, ahoy!) I would lurk on news-aggregate forums.

The rest of this is going under a cut because of sensitive subjects. Trigger warnings for child death, sexual coercion, and spousal abuse.

Someone on the forum posted an article about a husband, wife, and their toddler who were involved in a crash and wound up going over a bridge. The wife and child were knocked unconscious. It was impossible for the husband to save them both; he chose his wife. His reasoning was that he couldn’t live without her, and almost all of the commenters on both the article and the forum agreed that he made the right choice, as terrible as it was.

I was horrified, because it made no sense to me. A spouse or partner could be replaced, after all. A child couldn’t. That relationship, to me, was sacred. I couldn’t–and still can’t–imagine any love greater than that of a parent to their child.

The more I thought about it, the more sense all of my previous romantic relationships made. I considered marriage sacred, but I never thought that a partner was irreplaceable. I felt so heartless, because I wanted someone to spend my life with. But I knew, deep down, that I could never love a spouse the way they apparently deserved to be loved. The line between best friend and life partner was blurred for me; paternal love made perfect sense, but romantic love was suddenly more confusing than it had ever been before.

I thought maybe, once I found the right person, it would change. I started dating someone I’d always considered a great friend, a confidante that I’d had since high school. It never meant more than friendship to me–best friends, and I did love him, even though it wasn’t the “right” way.

Once we were engaged, however, it quickly became apparent that I was supposed to change the way I acted around him. Dividing time equally among friends suddenly wasn’t okay. He wanted me to depend on him, on his friendship, then berated me when I didn’t ask friends for help when I needed it. I was constantly confused and bewildered, anxious and scared. Soon enough, I was dependent on him, because he knew how love was supposed to work, or so I thought.

Deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I married him, anyway.

The more emotionally abusive he became, the less sexually attracted to him I was, but he always made me feel horrible for not wanting to have sex, that I wasn’t taking care of his needs, that I didn’t really love him. And I knew my love wasn’t what it was supposed to be, so I always caved in, even when I didn’t want to. He decided we needed to have a baby, so. Well. He made sure that happened. I didn’t know what to do, because I knew that when I had that child, that my husband was going to immediately take second place in my heart, which is exactly what happened.

He became physically abusive then (though I suppose there’s an argument to be made for spousal rape also being physical abuse). I knew I deserved it, because I was failing him as a wife. (Never mind that, by this point, I’d realized I wasn’t a woman.) When he scared my baby one night, I knew we had to get out. Within a week, we’d escaped. I still haven’t gotten a divorce, but that’s definitely my intention.

So when people say that aromantics don’t experience discrimination, that they don’t suffer “enough” or even at all? I get really fucking pissed off. I tried so, so hard to make myself feel romantic love, and I was hurt irreparably in the process, exposing myself again and again to abusive people and situations, all in the name of trying to be normal. If that isn’t queer trauma, then I don’t fucking know what is.

Long story short, if you don’t feel a difference between friend love and lovefriend love, there’s nothing wrong with you. Not one goddamn thing. Your feelings are valid; your experience is valid; your journey is valid. You are queer, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise.

I still consider myself bisexual, because I still experience sexual attraction to more than one gender. (Not to all genders, which is why I’m not pan. Also because I’ve identified as bi for so long; I’m kind of fond of the label, not to mention attached.) However, I am celibate, both out of practicality and the metric fuckton of baggage that I bring with me into the bedroom. The asexual experience is never going to be one that I innately “get”, since celibacy and asexuality aren’t the same thing. I like to think that I understand it, though, or that I at least make a definitive effort.

Asexuals are exposed to the same kind of trauma as the rest of us queers. I’m not one to play oppression Olympics; it isn’t my job or business to assign one hurt as more important or greater than another. That being said, I 9000% believe that trans women get the worst kind of phobia and abuse. They’re exposed to the most adversity and danger and violence, especially trans women of color. It is our duty to protect and support trans women in all ways possible and by any means available. We must uplift their voices and make them feel accepted and safe within queer spaces.

But I think asexuals deserve protection, too, and acceptance, and understanding. I don’t think that should be a radical idea. It’s bullshit that people want to gatekeep–and yes, I am going to use the word gatekeep; it may not be the best term to explain community policing, but the concept and rationale behind it is similar. Asexual and aromantic persons are queer enough because they need to be, because they force themselves into the same kinds of molds and masks as other queer persons do to try and belong.

I’m tired of seeing y’all get shit when I understand how fucking hard it is out here, and it’s sickening that the only people who stand up for you are other acespec and arospec individuals. You matter, and I’m never going to stop saying that. You are here, you are queer, and folks need to get used to it.

Anyway. Even with all of the hate I’m getting (which doesn’t bother me, by the by), my inbox is always open to both identified asks and anons. If you need to vent or feel validated, and you don’t want to identify yourselves for painfully obvious reasons, I’ve got you covered.

This got really, really long. I hope it’s cool that I used your question to clarify my position. It was perfect impetus for me to do so. Again, thank you so much for your support. Feel free to keep lurking or to drop me a line any time. :D

[donnerpartyofone]

i won’t bother too much with ALL the details of this, i’m just watching this one dude ask me the world’s most boring unfunny questions, slinking back to see what kind of reaction they get, and then making it clear that he’s the guy who either is or pretends to be an “alt right” douchebag. this guy has got to be my biggest fan in the world. people who actually love me don’t even love me the way this guy loves me.

flashing forward to 4/26: yesterday at around 1:30 pm, my wingnut white nationalist anon leaves some dumbass shit in my ask as usual. an hour later at about 2:30, he begins his routine of anxiously scrambling back to see if i’m going to engage him.

when he realizes that i'm not responding, he comes back around 5:30 and (i wasn’t tracking any of this at that time, but i THINK) he asks kind of a typical lolrandom “question”. not really thinking about who it might be from, i respond this time, comparing it favorably with his original message of the day: a cringeworthy dorky dad rap about clinton’s dusty old email “controversy”.

at 7:30 that evening he comes back to read what i wrote, and then opens the post itself (http://donnerpartyofone.tumblr.com/post/160023485961), maybe to see if he has any fans in the notes, maybe for whatever type of little serial killer scrap book he keeps.

then this morning, he returns around 8:30am, and again at 9:30 to “ask” me the question at the bottom. this one is kind of interesting, because it reads sarcastic. (i can’t bring myself to read it as serious) he seems to want to trick me into thinking it’s from a sympathetic third party, saying “what a mean anon you have, acting like your opinions don’t matter!” i’m guessing this was supposed to get me to talk about him again; maybe i would have some sort of lefty pinko freakout, proving what an insidious, manipulative internet genius he is.

why am i even doing all this? there’s no political meaning here: i’ve stopped posting what he says, and i don’t address the content, often just because i have no idea what this guy's word salad-y asks even mean. sometimes, someone knowledgeable about what’s going on in “alt right” echo chambers explains what he’s struggling to say, and it usually turns out to be about some hilarious conspiracy theory that’s just a couple hairs away from hollow earth nazis. sometimes i think these messages might just be copied out of some godforsaken neo-fascist forum somewhere, the way people just send me lines from tv shows for no reason.

so the point for me is, i don’t think i’ve ever seen someone so desperate for my attention in my entire life. it’s kind of an ego boost to watch this guy circle back in helpless, compulsive spurts, all day long, begging and praying for me to notice him. the only person i can think of who ever acted this obsessed with me was this very seriously mentally ill person who spent several years stalking me from my place of work. i had to go through a couple different DAs to deal with him, and eventually just resort to getting in touch with his mother so she could monitor his medication more closely or take additional measures where needed. there was a similar quality to that experience, too, where i’d be subject to constant emails, or forum comments or whatever, that came out of the clear blue sky, and had no apparent tie to reality. they had the same sort of mid-sentence, stream of consciousness character, and were full of similar grossout sexual references and conspiracy theories.

the important difference in that case was, at least the messages were to me and about me, so in some ways that pseudo-relationship made a lot more sense than this one. national socialist anon’s messages could be sent to just about anybody and are uninterpretable to me. it’s probably a safe to bet that he just scrounges around tumblr for anti-trump posts, and then keeps a running list of “liberals” to pester with copied-and-pasted alex jonesy glossolalia. however, my personal experience is just that there’s this dude who has an inexplicable 24 hour boner for me, and he spends every waking moment buzzing around my blog trying to get me to touch it.

obviously he thinks this is all super funny, on the surface, but i’m convinced he must be terminally lonely. i keep thinking of this unfortunately typical tumblr moment i witnessed, where a friend was complaining about the relentless sexual harassment she suffers here, and she immediately got this crazy bitter anon saying “well at least people send you messages”. it really makes me feel even more like a reptile, when i see how desperate people are for contact that they’ll happily take it even from people who explicitly hate them. i’ll never understand it. but, at least it’s entertaining to watch some nobody desperately clamor to make himself the center of my universe. in a perfect world, todd solondz would make a movie about this guy, and then he’d get the attention he's missing, and i’d get to see what the fuck his problem is, and we could all have a big sadistic laff about it.

anyway, blocking you again anon, please feel free to spoof your IP and come back whenever you need to show me how much you love me again.

[survivor-of-removal]

even today i can still that word in my head from those fuckers, weirdo, weirdo, gay, freak, cunt, mad, psycho, weirdo weirdo" if i just walked past on smiled at them politely or said hello they would have a go at me. i never understood why. At home i would go straight to my room, read creepypastas, cry my eyes out every night, bite myself on my arm, coming down for dinner, i would become irritable at the sound of my parents eating, i wouldn't even finish my dinner. Half the plate was there. Thinking back on it i feel so guilty and upset. My parents must have been agonized by all this, my isolating behaviour, my obsession with slender man. My mum knew of course. She showed me the something awful forum thread. i cried myself to sleep that night. i knew he was real, but no, to everyone else it was a meme. a stupid urban legend. i began to view him, the slender man, as the only person i had, the only one apart from a few people that i saw from time to time. when i wasn't around them things would go back to shit. Seeing them were the only lights in my life. and another lesson go and it would go back to the dirty looks and the insults and the shoving around and the making fun of me when i was trying to do my work. Or in the lunch queue, stupid year 11 girls coming up to me "Look at this boy man, he's so weird, hey tell this girl about that thing thats stalking you", "oh he believes in slender man", "he's a freak but kind of cute", "he's a fucking weirdo, a stupid loner". Depression kicked in, i would just bang my head against the wall until my eyes flashed in my head. i hated myself. Their words leaked into me. and all the time seeing that thing following me around. slender man, could he help me?

On Saturdays i started going to the woods, i wore a mask i made based to the marble hornets Masky mask, i would wear a black hoodie, black trousers and off id go to the woods, calling his name, asking him things. i saw him a few times, mainly i just spoke to him, a few people coming through the woods giving me Odd looks and such. People in the park staring at me as i made my way up to the woods in my mask. The mask was all i had. and it wasn't long until some two stupid kids asked me if i was possessed in the playground at the park on the edge of the woods thought it would be funny to push my off the swing and grab my mask. and ill never forget what they said:

"oh my god its Steven" my laughed tore up my mask and fucking ran off. pussies. The funniest part was i didn't even recognize them but surely enough when i went to school on Monday it spread like wildfire that i was apparently "stalking people in the woods with a creepy mask". and sure i was. in the name of slender man, because i thought he would be the only one to save me, the operator was my salvation.

i saw the rake once out the school cafeteria window and got freaked out, clearly i was attracting attention from their realm or whatever. i got more and more engrossed, every Saturday it was off to the woods on my bike, running past the cunts at the park, into the woods, stalking people. i started to get revelations, a deep monstrous voice as i did so. i knew who it was, it was him: the Slender man. apparently i was training. What for i didn't know, i began getting manic episodes even at school which of course Didn’t help at all.

There was a festival just up the road from my grandparents house, in a small village. It was a parade of people dressed up playing drums and stuff. That night whilst my family was enjoying themselves in the theme park after the parade had gone, i ran off to the tree line. he was there, in the shadows, suit, tie everything. i got on my knees saying i wished to serve him as a proxy. i got this sudden sense of... i dont even know, it was a weird feeling of joy, something i had not felt in so long. i got up nodded my head and said "yes master" to nothing, for no reason, i just new now though i was his, i was his proxy and if i was a good servant he would give me relief, perhaps even hurt the bullies that had been after me for too long now.

The wooded Saturdays continued. The kids there knew who i was now. Just a creep running into the woods. i did stalk these two boys trying to lure them to the woods, but the one younger than me ran up at hit me, really going for me so i ran off. I’m not surprised to be fair. Who wouldn't seeing a child wearing all black, hooded with a mask. Especially if older

the late October holidays were coming and i went to Cyprus. Nothing happened there. It was like a proxy break almost. i read Creepypasta there and everything but other than that it was a sweet break. From school as well which at that point had gotten so bad i was beginning to consider running way. i did put a knife to my neck though with serious intent because i got upset one night. i dont even remember why. Mad times...

when i got back to school thought everything went bad again, my life became gray once more. The brief moment of family enjoyment turned sour and my mum contacted mental health services. i became rude, isolative, silent on occasions and regective of going out. Weekends became worse as my family relationship really began to break down. We were arguing all the time, shouting at each other. i was aggressive, violent, i threw things. i even began to be nasty to my dog, my own sweet bichon frize. She was my dog, practically brought for me. i would chase her off and shout at her. i didn't hit her or anything though. Wow, what a dick i was, maybe i deserved what i got. Maybe not... i dont know

i tried recruiting another guy at school as a proxy, i gave him a letter he signed, a proxy approval. My mum found a copy and said shed call the police if shed ever found anything like that again. i had to climb out the front bathroom window to grab the one i had left in the drive way for slender man. when i would go to the woods i started to get confused. With everything still going on, people now telling me to go and kill myself, that no one loved me, my dads a nerd, I’m a girl (i flashed myself to prove them i was a boy), I’m gay, i have no friends and never will. they began shoving me around a lot more and people began making false accusations. Making fun of my obsession and my interest in slender man. i went to the woods asking him for help. i waited another week. At this point i started to get in serious trouble. i had to be removed from the class for being disruptive. they locked the gate that led to my hiding place and said i couldn't sit up at the fire exit. my family had really started to argue. i asked my mum to take me home, saying i was sick. i wasn't really. Just so fed up with the bullies. i would lock myself in the bathroom or stay inside close to the staff. i spent entire times in the library on the computers still being mocked by everyone who came by. someone changed my screensaver to the troll face and deleted a lot of my work when i went to get a book. Every day i woke up i considered running away before going to school because it was just getting too much. i would walk through the grounds and people would shout names to me. i hanged out with the guy i tried to make a proxy, he was big and i thought it was safe. It was as safe as i could get i suppose. But people still took the piss. he told them to fuck off and they did. i would cry and cry for hours when i went home, Barricading myself in my bedroom. i decided slender man wasn't doing anything good for me. people at school would make fun of me for going to the woods calling me a stalker and a freak saying i wanted to rape and murder people. The boy i trusted began turning his back on me because he didn't want to get in trouble and the big lad i felt safe with was busy with other friends. i just had to hide in the toilets sometimes i wouldn't even come out for lessons too scared of what will happen to me. more name-calling, more people sighing if i was paired up, people insulting me without the teacher doing anything, the teachers joined in sometimes i swear saying stuff like "well he is very disruptive". i would get shouted at, but i didn't care anymore. i felt numb, what had i done to myself. no... it was him.... he did this to me... slender man...

if it weren't for him i wouldn't have isolated myself, i wouldn't have talked about such things that the other students classed as freaky and weird. i biked to the woods one final time, no mask, no hoodie. i got chased by one of the bullies on his bike who grabbed me and beat me before running off. i tried complimenting him on his skills, but he showed no mercy. Everyone hated me now. fuck it, fuck you, fuck you slender man. i dumped my bike, went into the woods shouting into the distance that i quit. My family life, my school life, even my dreams were unbearable. heartbreaking. i was sick, thinking about suicide. Names, insults, mocks shouted into my ears every day. Even at home my mum began to call me different. We argued for so long sometimes, the shouting got so loud. i quit being a proxy. fuck you slender man. You ruined my chance at this academy full of jerks, you messed up all of this you fucking dickhead. i felt as if i was bleeding everyday, tears and sweat. bruises, punches, death threats. It was too much, death seemed a better option. a good cut up the wrists. Anything to end the agony, the distress, the torture i faced everyday. The sickness didn't even get better, the obsession still dominating my life. Notebooks and whole packs of paper, my school books covered in the operator symbol, slender man drawings. Drawings of people impaled, people hanging from their necks i was disturbed, i didn't even know what i was doing anymore. as the year grew colder my life became worse and worse. i couldn't cough without a dirty look, i couldn't come into the classroom without an insult, i could be in a sports lesson without groaning. i didn't know what to do anymore. Everything was falling apart. Everything. i couldn't eat, i didn't sleep, i didn't go out, i didn't talk to my parents, when i did it was arguments and curses. every night tears, teeth and blood. Bad dreams in the precious hours of sleep i got.

Even in those rare incidents i did go out in public i was scared of being spotted, being humiliated in front of my own mother. It was a mixture of anger, anxiety and depression, a huge weight of boiling water in my chest. Soon enough at school i slowly walked up the fire exit staircase outside. this was it. i had enough. slender man would never go away. i was to be dead soon anyway. i looked down at the ground ready to jump off before the big lad led me down.

i was placed on 1:1 where someone needs to supervise me doing everything. a thorough risk assessment was made. Classes like DT (woodwork), art, anything involving something i could use to hurt myself was monitored closely. i couldn't see my big friend anymore. The other guy i trusted had turned his back on me, as for the other guy who defended me, the people he hanged out with didn't like me as much as he tried to tell them i had been victimized

i tried forgetting slender man. About 6 months of obsession was not easy to forget. i tried focusing my time on learning German. But even then the popular "der ritter" and "der großmann came up. i tried focusing on anything but i couldn't get it out my head. i tried immersing myself in a fantasy world with imaginary friends. i was on the brink of insanity.

i made a mistake then... someone asked me a question about slender man. i said "I’m moving on, i dont want to talk about that" im such a fucking idiot (in their own words too) why did i say that. For the next two weeks everywhere i went: "slender" "slender mans coming to get you" and it made me sick. didn't these fuckers know if i didn't forget i could be in serious danger? oh! wait no, because they didn't believe in what i did. after all i was just a stupid psychotic weirdo. It was a game to them. who can piss him off the most. Even in drama class someone made a play. they all smiled and shouted out the title of the play before preforming "slender returns" i felt sick, dizzy. i charged out the classroom covering my ears crying. i locked myself in a toilet and cried for twenty minutes. a staff member found me after checking all the toilets. apparently they had been looking all over for me. i sat with them for a while. It wasn't long after i began dissociating regularly, finding out that i had done this and that... i hadn't... at least not me...

It was the twelve of December. The day i would die of suicide. But i wanted to annoy them, to make them feel guilty after everything i had done. Whilst everyone was getting changed i tied a noose around my neck standing on my tiptoes on my school bag. For some odd reason everyone was going mad, begging me not to. this always irritates me. these were the same fuckers who told me to kill myself every time they fucking saw me. these were the fuckers that poked and prodded me and shoved me around, these were the fuckers that harassed me when i was minding my own business. These were the fuckers that would call me a weirdo every time i walked past them, these were the fuckers that spoke to me like a piece of shit, that never picked me, and when they had to they groaned like i stunk, these were the fuckers that treated me like a piece of shit, had no remorse or empathy, made a laughingstock of me, scapegoated me, lied about me, manipulated me, made allegations. Even when i tried to be nice, these fuckers were cunts. they deserved to see me die. If i am not a human being like them then why should they care?

The sports teacher ran in and undid the noose practically carried me out made me undress and dress in front of him, and then he called my mum, and we waited about 4 hours in A and E for a couple of doctors to come up and assess me. luckily i went home that night. The school sent me work. My mum didn't exactly approve, instead giving me her own timetable of mainly, creative art work and creative writing. She saved me. it was no more slender man... no more bullies... our relationship rebuilt. The family became closer. i paid more attention to my dog. and once again our dogly friendship rebuilt. slender man became a distant thought. i destroyed everything i had on him, the drawings, the notebooks, everything... he was gone. I stopped reading creepypastas full stop

i went to the woods one final time then. Just to say goodbye, a Canine goodbye, i told him he may be a force for good and maybe he should think next time how to do things properly. i said goodbye. i snapped a picture of him, the Facebook account i posted it on was oddly terminated. Anyway i asked him to leave me alone, just this once let his victim go. i felt oddly peaceful as i walked out the woods despite encountering a bully who asked why i wasn't in school. i said because i tried to kill myself, he said "because of slender man" and did this stupid noise with his lounge. in a way he was right. But i said "no, because of you" and walked off. they stole my bike helmet whilst i was in the woods, fucking sods. they probably still have it after all these years.

The new year began peaceful. 2013 was out the fucking window. Maybe 13 is an unlucky number. Whatever the case i was ready to begin a new life without slender man, get into a new school and try again. Cliche, i was fucking wrong. Because as i now know, slender man is not a force for good, and trust me, he ldoesn't leave his victims alone.

(End of part 4)

[meanwhileinoz]

20+ Times Reddit Taught Me A Valuable Lesson About Anxiety

Having anxiety can seem truly scary and terrifying at times. When you’re in the waves of the panic attacks, the fear, and the mind-numbing thoughts we can’t shut off, we can sometimes feel pretty alone–especially if those around us don’t understand what we’re going through.

Luckily, there are several sites online where people support each other (sometimes better than our own family). Reddit, of course, is a place where users are always offering advice and support to people going through similar situations. After searching through forums and AskReddit questions, I learned a lot of different mechanisms for coping and dealing with anxiety–especially when it’s at its worst.

34.

Keeping busy. I notice my anxiety gets pretty bad when I don’t have a job (I’ve just left uni and am travelling now so haven’t had a steady career yet) or anything to keep me occupied. Exercise is great, as a lot of people have said, but having a solid routine is what keeps me settled.

–lanadeathray

33.

50mg Sertraline, no caffeine & no alcohol. Also, acceptance. Once I actually accepted I had a disease and saw my doctor for treatment, I felt so much better. You can make your anxiety so much worse by questioning why you have it, and even wondering if you’re making it up.

–Livishes

32.

Find ways to consciously control and slow your breathing, and cool yourself down. I associated my own anxiety attacks with uncontrollably increasing breathing and pulse along with hot flashes, so counteracting those were very helpful. I daresay it worked; the frequency of my attacks decreased over time and I’ve been about half a year now without incident. There are still times when I feel the potential for one to start, but I now have enough control where it hasn’t escalated to the point of actually being an anxiety attack.

–RocketTasker

31.

Meditation, even if it’s only for 5 minutes a day. Also, spend time visualizing what it is that you want to do. For example, if you’re nervous about going to a party, then spend time visualizing yourself being relaxed and comfortable at the party. The mind if a powerful tool, learn to make it work for you instead of against you.

–lusirius

30.

I have panic disorder. If I’m at home, watching a good TV show that isn’t too dark/tense often helps.

–Yerwun

29.

My breathing technique: 5 seconds in, hold 5 seconds, breathe out 5 seconds. I learned this trick in DBT, and while there are some variations that lower your heart rate even more (4-7-8 is good for getting to sleep), doing this 3-4 times in a row always gets more oxygen to my brain and helps me sort out my thoughts a little easier.

Prior to discovering this, I tried everything. I have about four anxiety disorders diagnosed and have experienced anxiety my entire life, so I like to think that if this works for me, it may work for most people.

–muchadance

28.

For me it depends on the situation. If I’m having a rough week I tangle up two necklaces and keep them in my pocket and when my anxiety picks up I take them out and detangle them. And repeat untill I’m just focusing on untangling the neclaces. Also if I’m sitting in class doodling helps me. It helps me focus on what the teacher is saying. And if it gets really bad like on the verge of panic attack and I don’t wanna leave I draw circles in the same spot over and over. Repetitive stuff works good.

–orangejuiceis2good

27.

when I’m alone I need to breathe fresh air outside because I feel trapped, counting your breaths helps, if someone’s with you I make them tell me a story something funny to get my mind off of it but hate being touched or talk about food. gum helps me a lot too if I’m in class I know highschool can be hard and you can’t just get up and leave keep gum and a type of cold drink so you can feel it when you drink it.

–picklesa

26.

Getting a dog. Funny thing is I didn’t even want to get one, I’m a cat guy and had a bad experience with a dog when I was younger. However my wife put up with my 2 cats for long enough so it wasn’t fair of me to refuse her when she wanted a dog, so here we are. Having something that both loves AND depends on me makes a huge difference – no offence to my wife or cats, but they’re pretty independent!

–beasty4k

25.

you need to maximize the amount of moments where you “lose yourself” and live so completely in the moment that you are no longer self-aware.

–SubzeroNYC

24.

For a period of time I try to reduce coffe and other stimulants.

–seeking-n-knowing

23.

Staying off social media seems to be overlooked but it helps me a lot. It’s not the total cure but a piece to the puzzle. You’re subconsciously comparing your life to a bunch of fake portrayals of other people’s happy lives which can make you feel down.

Also if you’re on it a lot you become way more productive when you delete it which lifts your mood.

–vemon_1

22.

Definitely exercise. If I get super anxious about something, I start to get very jittery and I feel like I just have way too much energy. Then when I go for a moderately strenuous bike ride, my mind feels so much calmer and I can think much more clearly.

–getsugablitz

21.

I’ve learned a lot of breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation. Square breathing is so simple but has helped me a lot. Seeing an excellent therapist and being on a low dose of an SSRI has also helped.

–latche

20.

Mindfulness meditation/Cognitive behavioral therapy. Realizing that you are still in control of what you consciously attend to, the thoughts and feelings that run through your mind do not have to consume your identity. Observe them without judgement, let them pass without indulging in them and they will fade away.

–UndecipherdMoonrunes

19.

For me getting a new kitten tugged me out of depression. I’m a huge cat person and this kitten just chose me like we got home and she came out of the cage straight to my lap to nap. Two years later her just being here loving me has made me a totally different person.

–Diddlydarnfuck

18.

I chose self meditation instead of self medication.

I pep talk myself in my head and control my breathing by saying over and over…

“It’s not life or death, you CAN do this.” “Take it one breath at a time, you GOT this.”

And I make no excuses for moving slow or eating slow or accomplishing tasks slow. I refuse to let anyone control me anymore or dictate to me how I should behave, including society.

There’s only one me, and I have to live with me, so only me can make or break — me.

One breath at a time.

–PookaShellTourGuide

17.

Alright, I work in politics so I pretty much have to give speeches and talk to random strangers on a weekly basis. I also anxiety problems and self-esteem issues that have plagued me since middle school. Most people are pretty shocked when I tell them that, so I guess the following ways of dealing with it are pretty (for me at least) effective.

But before we get there, here’s what you shouldn’t do if your anxious:

Drink: It’s guaranteed to bring you back to earth. Like its a depressant, it’s chemically ensured to do that. The problem is that it’s too good at bringing you down. You will become reliant on it when you feel like the problem is too insurmountable to fix, which most anxious people know is pretty much everything. It took me a long time to stop drinking guys, trust me don’t fall into this trap.

Spill Your Guts: For a while Hollywood convinced me that a sudden, expository and usually emotional reveal of information to the cause of your problem is the key to fixing your said problems. Just tell your boss that you’re super stressed out and your dog just died! Your tears will convince him to take pity! It might. Once or twice. But if you keep doing that when your anxious (which is all the time) you’re going to develop a reputation and the cool job assignments are going to magically start appearing on your co-workers desk. Anxiety makes you want to fix shit right the fuck now. Resist that, take a deep breath and do what I do:

1. Nature

Nature is not stressed out. Nature moves slow. No matter what small stuff is freaking you out (and in retrospect its all small), nature doesn’t give a shit. Unless your a rabbit being stalked by a wolf, nature will very rarely try and kill you. Even if you are a fat, monstrous blob, evolution has still deemed you the apex predator of your environment. So of all the places in the world you can hide and be safe, it’s the woods. I once had a pretty bad arguement with my boss on a Friday. I had an anxiety attack, packed a suitcase and took off to Maine for the weekend. By Monday I was ok. Why? Because I had enough alone time to realize we really didn’t have a relationship destroying argument and we could still have a positive relationship. It took time in complete stillness for me to really get that through my head. But sometimes being alone is the exact opposite of what you need, sometimes you need a-

2. Venting Friend

Find someone who understands you have anxiety and how you get when you are under that influence. Then, if you are on the verge of an attack, call said person and vent. Remember that “don’t spill your guts” rule I made up earlier? This is the one exception to that. Find someone who will listen to you and then just come back and tell you everything will be alright. Usually for me this is my girlfriend or when I’m single just a very close female friend. For you it doesn’t have to be. It could be anyone who will listen. I just find that when you get the thoughts out of your head and into reality via speech, they tend to become apparent to you that they are in fact ridiculous. Ok but say you live in New York and don’t really have access to great woodlands or you don’t have a friend who wants to listen to you bitch all the time? What if you do both and neither work?

3. Don’t be afraid to get help

I don’t see this so much on reddit, more irl. But whatever, I’ll say it anyway. There are those among you who think that seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist is akin to throwing your hands up and surrendering. Your brain will tell you that you are He-Man and whatever problems you probably don’t have can be solved with sheer force of will and a powerful mustache. To the brain that thinks that I say this: shut the fuck up. Listen, I’ve shook hands with presidents, I’ve been on TV for good reasons and I’ve seen double D’s in real life. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to admit that I had a medical issue I needed to see a doctor about. But I’m really glad I did.

I’m on meds now and honestly between that and therapy it’s really improved my quality of life. I’m not ashamed of it, and neither should you. Anxiety never really goes away, but it can definitely be controlled to make life easier.

–urgehal666

16.

This app called SAM. It has a bunch of cool features, like it tracks your anxiety levels, gives you different exercises and techniques to control your anxiety, has you think about the thing that causes your anxiety to raise your levels, then it helps you shift away the focus. My favorite part is it has a paragraph for you to slowly read while you’re having an anxiety/panic attack. It helps a bunch.

And if you’re currently in therapy, having it track your anxiety levels helps a ton so you can show your therapist exactly what happened to cause it, how bad your anxiety was, etc.

–Courier-6

15.

I drink water or tea. The time I spend doing that I focus on just doing that. Nothing else. It helps me regain my thoughts, and its a moment where I can’t speak.

–ShotekSaint

14.

I go to the library by myself. Turn off my phone, pop in my music and get a good book. Can stay there for hours.

–Pichus_Wrath

13.

Force yourself to do the thing you don’t want to do.

After you do it a few times the anxiety goes away, and it becomes routine.

There’s really no secret to this. At the end of the day, you just have to pick yourself up and do the thing. Whatever your reasoning, whatever your motivation, you still just have to do it.

–IlluminationRock

12.

Being active helped loads, along with eating right. Honestly, small and simple daily routines knock out most of my anxiety. Disorder is a huge trigger for me, so the more I keep to a schedule, the calmer and more rational I am.

–shazarava

11.

I bought an adult coloring book (“The Enchanted Forest”, I don’t remember who the author/artist is off the top of my head) and try to exercise regularly (I take spin classes at least 4x a week and I’m trying to go every morning). Honestly I think coloring and exercise are the only things keeping me sane anymore, and ever since I started doing both of these things, my anxiety has calmed down considerably.

–supermarketsweeps95

10.

I look back to the most stressful/worst time I have ever had before and say “if I can survive that,I can survive this.”

–cm4ever

9.

Working out and eating healthy. Friends dragged me into it. Changed my life.

–Preroyalty

8.

I usually just don’t… Overcome the anxiety. I end up channeling all that energy into what I need to do, ya know? I’ll get super jittery and nervous and I’ll tell myself “ya gotta do this ya gotta get it done c’mon lets go let’s go let’s go” and I’ll just fuckin.. Do it, I guess. It doesn’t always work, but it’s my go to strategy, especially because I feel a lot more releived when I’m done with the task(s).

–TexasSmashMyAss

7.

This will get buried but I have some solutions that no one has mentioned:

Avoid caffeine. Caffeine aggravates anxiety especially in people diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorders

If you are in the middle of an anxiety attack, eat something. When you eat, you signal to your body that you’re okay. This goes way back to our ancestors who ate only when they had hunted enough food and felt safe.

Your body is there to protect you. Most individuals who experience an anxiety attack have a sense of impending doom or just think they might be dying. But have you ever noticed that during an anxiety attack you always question your symptoms? Are they really that serious? No. Do you think you should go to the hospital? No. Chances are after thinking about it, you’ll realize that the symptoms you are experiencing are not that serious. This means you are not dying and you are okay.

–Obi-Wan_Cannoli

6.

Deep breathes expanding your tummy, not your chest. Expanding your chest can actually increase the feeling of tension.

–vaginadeathsquad

5.

My anxiety tends to start physically– it can be triggered by events or thoughts, but my first indication of an episode is generally felt in my gut. At this point, I tend to start filing through my mental rolodex of things I should worry about, and if I can’t find an immediate one, I’ll search through recent memory and see if I can’t figure out something I need to be freaking out about. Then I focus on that, and the vicious cycle starts.

So what I try to do, and it’s certainly helped me manage, is say to myself, “this is a physical event, and it will pass; don’t feed the troll.” While I’m still in an anxious state physically, I don’t allow that state to metastasize into a mental one. Therefore it passes much more quickly.

Sometimes I can even convince myself to redefine the state entirely; I’m not anxious, I’m excited! They feel the same physically, so why let your brain turn it into a negative? This doesn’t always work, but it’s certainly allowed me to perform better in social or professional/academic situations.

–HalfAGoonAndHalfAGod

4.

Daily yoga practice.

–RamenGirl13

3.

i have rare anxiety attacks, but when they happen. i put myself in a relaxing environment, breath deeply and calmly and tell myself, “although it feels differently, nobody ever died from an anxiety attack.”

–ukyah

2.

Watch a funny video on Youtube. Seriously.

Panic attack during lab?

Step out, go to the bathroom, watch a video on the toilet. Generally helps.

–AndrewFlash

1.

My therapist once taught me this extremely effective method that I still use to this day.

In your mind, or out loud name: 5 things you can see 5 things you can hear 5 things you can feel

It always instantly made me realize how physical my presence was and how my mind was not the only thing in the world happening. It helps you step back and see the bigger picture of the goings on around you. If you are ever overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or on the verge of a panic attack, try this method once and let me know what you thought. Really meditate on the 5 things you observe.

–sassypeanuts

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