#of course there's fear. there's a lot of fear. but it's very selfish fear. the kind that makes you protect others because they're Just like

[keeps-ache]

i have Thoughts

[suswous]

Looking both at current events and historical conflicts, it really seems like it’s human instinct to collectively blame an entire group of people from wrongs committed on their behalf or by other people from that group.

[reignpage]

The Other Side

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3

Satoru doesn’t want to go home. 

There’s an unbearable pressure within those walls, pushing further and further in until he feels his cheeks touch the cold surfaces. Within himself, there’s also a pressure pushing further and further out, and he’s worried he’ll burst at the seams, stuffing flying out, leaving only a voice box that echoes an apology on repeat. 

He hates disappointing people. Despises that shaking of heads, the hands on the hips, and that disapproving gaze which penetrates the message that he isn’t good enough to his very soul. And he loathes even more the fact that you do none of that. Instead, you smile. 

It doesn’t reach your eyes, doesn’t make your cheeks all round or teeth to be on display. Having lived a couple decades now, Satoru’s aware of the polite customs of humans; the harmless ‘how are ya’ and ‘looking good’ that no one really means, and no one ever responds to. So, he knows when you’re simply fulfilling your role, doing what you think is best. 

Your favourite colour, the shape of your body, biggest fears and weaknesses are all things he might not know, or rather does not remember, but he does know that you cry yourself to sleep at night. 

He knows that because he stands outside your door, fist just about to hit the wood but something always holds him back. There’s an instinct inside that urges him out of bed, feet padding on the floor, and begs him to say something, anything. Even if it is just to ask if you’re okay. 

But Satoru doesn’t. Because he knows it’s stupid. Of course, you’re not okay, who would be?

And he’s selfish. 

He wants to protect himself from that cataclysmic ache in his chest that comes from witnessing you try to hold back tears, for him. The way it makes your eyes red and your lashes to flutter, bottom lip quivering. It’s all his fault, he knows that. How dare he get hit by a curse? 

How could he possibly call himself the strongest if he had been so weak as to destroy himself, and you, his wife? Or rather, old Gojo’s wife. 

No, you’re still his. 

That’s what the ring on his left hand says. He has to remind himself of that.

“You should go home, Satoru.”

She sits beside him, sipping from her glass, as they loiter by the bar. They’ve been there for hours, making idle small talk about nothing in particular. Their history is long but has been severed for years now, even before his memory loss. Satoru doesn’t really know why he asked to meet up; it’s wrong to see your ex-girlfriend as a married man, he’s aware. 

But he just needed to speak to someone he’s close to, someone who knew him intimately, as a partner, so that he can navigate this new reality he woke up to months ago. No one else would understand because they’re your friends too, and they’ll be disappointed in his choices, he’s sure. 

He sighs. “Would she even want to see me?”

“Of course, she does. She loves you. Even if it hurts, she’ll still want to see you come home, safe and sound.”

Satoru sighs again, a deeper, more strained exhale. He already knows the right answer, but as strong and experienced a fighter as he is, at the very core of his character, he’s still a coward. Was the Old Him braver? Is that what you loved about him? Is that why you can’t bear to be too close to New Him?

Tracing the rim of his glass and watching the liquid shake, he ponders his situation. He does that a lot these days, just thinking and mulling and wondering. Sometimes, he finds himself reaching for your hand at the dinner table, his eyes searching for yours first in every crowded room, and in bed, he’ll be woken up by his arm yearning for your body only to find nothing.

He doesn’t know what all of that means. 

And he supposes, without his memories, none of it matters. Even if he does press his lips against yours like he finds himself daydreaming, you’ll still be kissing the wrong man. Because you fell in love with a more mature, wiser, loving man. And what stands before you every day is but a cheap replica of that, all hollow and dull. 

“Yeah, I guess,” he acquiesces, and then, almost like an afterthought, he asks, “Do you think I’ll ever get my memories back? That should fix everything, right?”

His companion hums, fiddling with her hair as they both watch the people pass by. 

“Maybe. But I think it’s important you prepare for the possibility that you’ll never get it back. That’s just as likely, don’t you think?”

Satoru shrugs. It’s not the answer he was hoping to hear, though it certainly is what he was expecting. Truth is, he doesn’t think it’s possible; it all feels just a little too late, like you’ve all already strapped into the car, it’s speeding towards a cliff, and you know the height is too great. 

The gold band shines under the lights, and it feels hot on his finger, like a brand. It kind of itches the more he thinks about it, but he doesn’t dare take it off. Fiddle as he might, it’s a part of him, representing his past, present and future. He finds no fear in that. 

His phone pings. It’s you. You’re asking when he’s coming home. 

His chest aches again. You’re alone, at home, sat on the sofa wondering where your husband is, and Satoru’s trying to find him, for you. Even if it means losing himself, disappearing into the void, and being held up on strings by a different version of him, a better version. 

Of course, he won’t find the love of your life at the bottom of a glass, and certainly not at a bar with another woman. But he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s flipped through the photo albums, watched all the videos -- the wedding ones, and the ones on his phone, where you’re reading, and you have no idea he’s filming you. You laugh and he finds himself, at night, holding the speaker of his phone up to his ear to listen to it again and again, his lips twitching.

You weren’t laughing at him nor were you laughing for him. But he ultimately doesn’t care, because he gets to hear it, nonetheless. And he wants to hear it again and again.

It’s wrong to fall in love with someone else’s wife, wrong to wear someone else’s shoes, and someone else’s ring, and wrong to walk in someone else’s house. Though, it all technically belongs to him. None of it is right; he’s living the life meant for someone else. And if Satoru was a better man, a kinder, more fair man, he would work harder to give it back.

But Gojo Satoru is none of those things, not in this moment. No, right now, he’s settled into the role of a selfish man. Because he’s decided he wants this life, and he wants it with you. Even after all the pain, the anxiety, the grief, you’re still asking where he is, still craving his presence. And even though you’re not his and he doesn’t know you the way he should, he still thinks of home as being with you. 

Does that mean he loves you?

He doesn’t know. But he wants to find out.

So, he pushes his chair back and says goodbye to his friend, strolling out of the bar without looking back. Whether or not he gets his memory back, doesn’t matter. Not really. He can’t keep waiting for that to happen, to keep your life and his on standby, praying for a miracle to come. It’s not fair on anyone. You, especially. 

Whatever happens, he’ll deal with it. He always has. He’s Gojo Satoru, for goodness’ sake. He’ll bear the consequences, face your disappointment, and your tears however many times he has to, until you’re seeing him for who he is. 

Not the Him from before, or the Him that he could be, but the Him that you have. 

The one he’s offering. 

He just hopes it’s good enough.

[yuukirita]

With how the high guard is with baby bee… what do you think is their first reaction to meeting the sparkling? While Orion pax, D-16 and elita were knocked out??

Cause like Shockwave said, they didn’t knock out a sparkling and… I was wondering how it all went down with baby bee and the high guard

(hi! … do you want a sunflower? 🌻 or.. a different plant?)

"Is that a-" Shockwave sputters out as Soundwhave nods in both concerned and wonder.

A simple order is given "Don't hurt the sparkling" Didn't even need to be said really. The high guard was a lot of things. Powerful. Scary. Vindictive. Vengeful. Intense. But one thing they also were: protective. Especially of their young. It was part of their duty to protect the future of Cybertron, and that brought a deep sense of care towards sparklings.

They had been cut off from that part of the job for much too long.

The other bots came down easily. Out in a flash. The pink one went down first- they saw as the silver mech react quickly and wrap himself around the sparkling to protect him. Honnorable, but useless.

Sending a sparkling to find them was a sin and fuelled their anger towards Sentinel further than they even believed possible.

"Dee! Wake up!" They heard the small one cry as he wormed his way out of his presumed caretaker's hold to shake his shoulders "Dee! Orion! Elita! Please wake up-" Each plea is like a tear directly into their sparks.

Sorry little one.

They land, quickly. They're surprised to find no fear in the sparkling as they approach- But determination. He puts himself in between his caretakers and them. Ready to fight if needed- and then theres recognition and that hits them even harder.

"You're- You're the Cybertronian High Guard!"

The yellow sparkling gawks at them- then looks at his fallen friends. Conflicted that his apparent heroes just knocked out his best friends.

He doesn't need a lot of reassurance other than 'we won't hurt them' and the sparkling is- well he's adorable and the high guard can't get enough of him. He keeps talking and talking and talking- and asking them for stories and-

They all draw straws to know who gets to hold the sparkling next- but Soundwhave has first pick since he must absolutely give the sparkling a medical check- he doesn't like how malneurished he is but tankfuly he always had energon threats on him.

Still they all get a turn at dotting on him and it feels right. They are warriors but they're also protectors- carers. It's good to be with the very reason you fight for- they also try to get information from the sparkling but... well he doesn't seem to know anything...

The queu is out of the window the moment Starscream sees the sparkling and hogs the baby- of course he does... selfish.

The fun has to end eventually and they try to make B-127 understand they need to look scary and intimidating to interogate his... companions (possible kidnappers- seeing as none of them were his caretaker)

"B-127, you must keep quiet." Starscream can see the kid really does try his best but he can't be quiet for more than a few seconds- endearing but a bit of an obstacle at the moment.

"We can tape his mouth." say Shockwhave... yeah they're not going to do that... weirdo...

"Solution: treat" Soundwhave picks Bee from Starscream and gives him a treat. "Can't talk if his mouth is full." and the kid needs the energon anyway.

[navybrat817]

Does Bucky ever get needy?

Does Bucky Barnes ever get needy, nonnie?

Does he want your attention? Yes. He feels selfish at times because he knows you have to focus on others, but he’ll stare at you like a puppy until he gets your attention. Or a grumpy cat. He actually sat on your lap once when you didn't look at him. That certainly got your attention. And the time he snarled at Steve for taking up too much of your time. Yes. Snarled. At his best friend.

Does he like your touch? Yes. While he doesn’t let a lot of people put their hands on him, he seeks out your touch. He pushed his head under your palm once while you were reading because he wanted to feel your fingers run through his hair. He’ll also hold your hand whenever you’re around a lot of people. It grounds him and presents the two of you as a united front.

Does he like to touch you? Yes. Once he got over his fear of sleeping in bed with someone else, he went from ex-assassin to cuddle monster. You’ve had to pry yourself from his six-feet however many inches tall octopus hold in the mornings, but he just pulls you right back to him. It’s nice since he’s basically like a personal space heater. Feeling his breath against your neck as he smiles makes you smile, too. And he always has a hand on you or arm around you when hanging out with friends. Not as a sign of ownership, but he’s just thankful that he has you to touch and he’s proud to be your guy.

Does he like to be apart from you when you’re close by? No, not even if you’re just in the next room. He’ll give you space if you need it. Otherwise, he just wants to be where you are. You almost slipped once getting out of the shower because he was just there waiting for you and holding your towel for you. He caught you before you could fall because he won’t let you get hurt if he can help it. Since he’s extremely agile and silent thanks to his training and serum, he makes a little noise now so he won’t scare you again. Unless it’s primal play and then all bets are off.

banner by the talented @cafekitsune

Does he like to be away from you for missions? No. He hates it. He’ll get the job done, of course, because he has someone to fight for and come back to. But good luck to you and your pussy once he’s home. A koala bear sort of hug that quickly turns into desperate fucking. Panting and moaning how much he missed you, how he doesn’t deserve you, but you’re so good. Feel so good. And you’re his. His. He isn’t letting go. Can’t let go. You’re not walking tomorrow either, but it’s worth it.

Has he ever gotten hard just from you kissing him? Yes. Heated or lazy kisses, a peck on the lips. Doesn’t matter. Hell, he felt his cock twitch when you smiled at him this morning. Breathing the same air as you has done the same thing. The first time you told him “I love you” when he was inside you, he came then and there. He was embarrassed until you told him how hot it was that you loving him got him off. How many others can say that?

Does he jerk off to the very thought of you? Yes. Inhaling the scent from your panties with a growl as he strokes his cock, imagining your gasps and whimpers as if he was actually fucking you. His hand never feels as good as your pussy. Isn’t wet or tight enough. Doesn’t grip him like a vice. Putting his other hand in his hair, he doesn’t pull the strands the same way you do. It just isn’t the same. You ruined him in the best possible way.

Does he like to finish inside you? Yes. It’s like his mission every single time. He drives into you like his only purpose is to pleasure you and fill you up. The last time you went down on him, he had you lay back before he could finish and jerked off on your folds. He pushed as much of his release as he could inside you. And thanks to being able to get hard again quickly, he proceeded to fuck you into the mattress and add more to it. You’re hardly ever empty.

Does he love you? Yes, more than anyone else or anything. You’re the beginning and end of everything and that should scare him, but it doesn’t. You’re the sun that rises and brightens the darkness. What he feels for you is eternal, infinite, and he’ll cherish every big and small moment the two of you have together. And he’ll still love you if the world ends tomorrow.

So, does Bucky Barnes ever get needy? Yes.

And that’s okay.

Sorry lovelies. Nothing to see here. Go about your business. Love and thanks! ❤️

[ohnoitstbskyen]

... y'all know Lae'zel is acting scared, right?

Video transcription: I've seen a lot of comments on my short about Lae'zel dismissing her entire character because she's mean and… I'm just checking in here… you guys know she's scared, right? She's terrified. She was kidnapped by the worst monster she knows, infected with the most horrifying death anyone in her culture can have, and then stranded on a hostile world, alone, with nothing to guide her except the dogmatic military cult indoctrination of a cruel lich demigod, telling her that her only hope of salvation is to follow Gith doctrine with total unyielding faith. And still she tries to save you. When she keeps insisting that you must get to the Githyanki crèche, it's our only hope, she's trying to guide you towards the only salvation she knows from the parasite, so she can share it with you. And Gith... aren't supposed to do that, saving an outsider is not part of the doctrine, she's breaking the rules trying to do right by you. None of that means she's not being an asshole, she's rude, dogmatic and unpleasant. But everything she does comes from a genuine, very misguided and abrasive, desire to do the right thing. It doesn't make her behaviour okay, but there is more to her character than just "being the mean one."

To expand on this a bit more than I can in a 60 second short, people acting from fear and from their damage is a major theme among the Baldur's Gate 3 companions.

Lae'zel is terrified and falling back on the only thing she believes will give her back some control over her situation, which is the dogma of the military cult she's in. Shadowheart is much the same, amnesiac and grasping on to the only solid thing she knows, which is her faith, which preaches deception, loss and duplicity as the only certain factors in life.

Gale is an inveterate people-pleaser desperately dependent on other people to help him feed his magic addiction, with his overtly affable exterior hiding a rolling boulder of guilt, ambition, greed, arrogance and legitimate hurt. Asterion is... well, no way to really lay out his deal without spoiling, but the boy has been through it and his self-destructive, hedonistic and selfish impulses are all coping mechanism and self-defense all the time.

None of that make their shitty behaviours okay, but in a fictional story, those kinds of flaws and toxic behaviours are what make for interesting stories and characters. I don't blame anyone for finding Lae'zel unpleasant and abrasive, but I do get a bit Old Man Yells At Cloud about people who casually brag about shoving her off a cliff-side, or murdering her because "she was a bitch" or whatever.

Like... being unable to face discomfort in your media is not a virtue, and lashing out reactively against fiction that doesn't validate your power fantasy isn't a flex.

Of course, I saw a lot of those reactions in YouTube comments and on social media, so my sample is biased by those algorithms, but still. A lot of people seem aggressively proud that they never engaged with her story because the terrified indoctrinated child-soldier wasn't immediately nice to them and I can't explain it but something about that reaction feels puritan to me.

[4everdramaqueen]

Loki X Reader

Summary: Loki saves you from President Loki and then falls for you.

Warnings: none, just fluff.

Loki sat down with the other variants, still confused he listened to each one of them, their lives, how they ended up where they ended up but something had struck Loki. They all spoke of Y/N, how beautiful she was, how kind she was, how equally mischievous she was and Loki felt a bit left out. In his timeline, there was no Y/N, he hadn't even heard of the name till just now.

"She was beautiful, the sweetest little mortal I had ever seen.." Classic Loki said with a smile, but his smile faded. "I never knew what became of her after I abandoned her on earth, I imagine she must have passed by now." He said earning sympathetic looks from the others. Boastful Loki chimed in now to say that his Y/N was equally as beautiful and sweet but when he killed Captain America and Iron Man she had left him.

"I didn't have a Y/N" Kid Loki said, Classic Loki turned to him and explained that he most likely would have met her when he was older. Even Alligator Loki had a Y/N! This was a lot to take in for Loki but he wondered, how come he didn't have a Y/N? Of course, he had lovers yes but never a companion, a wife, especially not a mortal one. For a moment, he felt saddened by this almost, as if he missed out on something he never knew he had. As time had gone on, Loki had devised an escape plan, of course nobody was willing to help with this plan of his so he was on his own but when he had left the hideout, he was met with another Loki, of course.

President Loki, arrogant, mean, selfish and narcissistic. With an army of other Loki variants by his side and the betrayal from Boastful Loki who had been helping President Loki, this was all too much. It seemed like an absolute nightmare.

In the midst of all the chaos, Loki noticed something or rather someone by President Loki's side, a beautiful girl in a tight fitted and very revealing dress and large heels that she had honestly looked uncomfortable in as she wrapped her arms around herself, her face filled with dismay. Loki watched her, watched as she shifted uncomfortably when President Loki spoke, until finally, his own army had betrayed him causing him to use this girl as a shield. Loki watched as President Loki's army heisted with their weapons now.

"Let's all just calm down, shall we? We wouldn't want to hurt Y/N would we?" President Loki said in a manipulative tone, Classic Loki glared at him and the rest of the Lokis did the same. Y/N whimpered slightly as a dagger was held to her throat, tears in her eyes. "Please..." She said in a raspy voice, President Loki shushed her harshly and attempted to back up slowly but another Loki held a knife to his back, President Loki sighed before pushing Y/N forward harshly making her fall to the ground with a loud thud, chaos ensued as now all the Lokis were fighting each other. Loki watched all this in horror and confusion before looking at the ground and seeing Y/N, she was going to get trampled if she stayed on the ground any longer, so Loki acted quickly, he ran over and with his magic pushed everyone away from her, before grabbing her bridal style and quickly carrying her away. Classic Loki looked at him before yelling "Get her out of here!" And so he did.

Once safely away from the others, he put her down gently and just stared at her. She was beautiful, like the other Lokis had said, but she seemed freighted, tired and was covered in bruises. "Are you alright?" Loki asked finally, Y/N looked up with a fearful look in her eyes, tears swelling up and she slowly backed up. She was scared. He noticed this right away and tried to reassure her everything was okay. "I promise you, I'm not going to hurt you." He said, but after he said it he was sure she had heard that one before and he was afraid he had made himself seem more threatening. Y/N shivered as she stared at the ground, not saying anything. Quickly, Loki conjured up a blanket for her that warmly wrapped around her shoulders. Y/N looked at it in confusion before her face softened and she looked at Loki with a small smile. "Thank you" she said quietly with a small smile, he smiled back. "No problem, I imagine you must be freezing in that." He said referring to her tiny revealing dress, her face saddened slightly and Loki was afraid he had messed this all up again, why was he getting so nervous? He had never acted like this before.

"it's what President Loki wants, so it's what I have to wear." She says sadly, Loki gave her a sympathetic look. "Well, I'm sure you won't have to worry about him ever again. I can conjure you up a new outfit if you'd like, just tell me what you want." He smiled. Y/N smiled, asking for pants and a shirt and some shoes, she didn't mind dresses, just not the ones President Loki liked. Y/N thanked Loki but soon went quiet again now making Loki awkwardly go quiet, she seemed like she had her guard up, still on the fence about Loki imagining he would betray her at any second.

"I'm Loki, by the way." Loki said stupidly in his attempt to calm Y/N down, she turned to him and giggled. "I figured." She joked sarcastically, Loki smiled, a light blush on his face. Why was he acting like this? On Asgard, he had many and it was easy for him but now, here he was making an absolute fool of himself. "I'm Y/N." She introduced herself putting a hand out for Loki to take and he did, her soft warm hand warming up loki's very cold hand making his heart do a strange little beat. "I know, I've heard a lot about you." He once again stupidly, or so he thought. "Well, not of you specifically but just, versions of you?" He said in a confused tone. Y/N smiled and finally began to start talking and getting more comfortable. Loki had explained how he got stuck in The Void and she explained the same.

"You sacrificed yourself for your Loki?" He was stunned, he could not imagine anyone sacrificing themselves for him. Y/N nodded her head. "Yes, and I was relieved to not be dead but I'm not sure if trapped in a void with millions of other Loki variants is really a step up, no offense of course." She joked. "None taken." He smiled. And there began their friendship, Loki traveled and protected Y/N wherever they went in his attempt to get back to the TVA, he had conjured her new clothes everyday and did everything to make her comfortable and it was then that he understood why all the Lokis had their own Y/N and loved her so dearly because he himself was beginning to fall for her.

As the days had gone on, they had found Kid Loki, Classic Loki and Alligator Loki and began traveling with them as well and they were all happy. They had their own hideout now and they all in their own way adored Y/N, especially Loki who had begun to fall for her more and more every single day but refused to say anything until Classic Loki had had enough.

"Uno!" Y/N giggled, Y/N had made Loki conjure up an Uno deck for them to play together, she taught him the rules and he quickly understood, truthfully, he had been letting her win this whole time just to see her smile and arrogantly, but of course jokingly, taunt Loki. Y/N yawned afterwards. "Alright guys, I think I'm gonna get some rest, I'm exhausted." She smiled and said all her goodbyes, but as she turned to Loki, she gently for a second put her hand on his and smiled as she told him goodnight. "Goodnight, Y/N." He said softly with a smile, as she turned to walk to her bed Loki's face was almost saddened, like he couldn't stand to be away from her. Kid Loki looked at both Alligator Loki and Classic Loki with a smirk. When Y/N was finally away where she couldn't hear anything, that's when the teasing began from Kid Loki and Classic Loki.

"Goodnight Y/N." Kid Loki mocked, Loki turned his gaze to Kid Loki and gave a slight scowl. "What?" He said, "You're in love with her! Why don't you just tell her already?" Kid Loki said, and oddly, Loki tried to deny it. "I am not." He said, it was now Classic Loki's turn to chime into the conversation. "Of course you are, Loki's love their Y/N's and you are no exception. Besides that, you're making it fairly obvious." Classic Loki said making Kid Loki snort before completely dying of laughter and mocking Loki. Even Alligator Loki found this all amusing. Loki shot them all a glare. "I have no idea what you're all talking about!" He said defensively but even he didn't believe his own words.

"It's best you just tell her before it's too late," Classic Loki said, his expression turning serious. "One thing about Loki's and Y/N's is that it's destined for tragedy." Classic Loki said making Loki not feel very confident. "Don't let that tragedy be you not telling her your feelings and regretting it later on." Now this was more convincing and so that was Loki's plan, he was going to tell her! He stood up out of his chair with a big smile on his face.

"What are you doing?" Classic Loki asked as he looked up at Loki, "I'm taking your advice and telling Y/N my feelings towards her." Loki said in an almost confused tone, "Not right now you fool, let the poor girl sleep first." Classic Loki said, Loki had completely forgotten she had just gone to bed. "Right." Loki said before sitting back down, Kid Loki rolled his eyes and shook his head.

The next morning Y/N woke up early, she came out to see all the Loki's around just talking. "Good morning everybody!" She smiled, Classic Loki and Kid Loki said their good mornings with a smile, Alligator Loki moved his tail around with what looked like a smile and Loki avoided eye contact which was strange and Y/N noticed it immediately. So, she walked up to him specifically. "Good morning Loki." She said, he finally turned to her and looked at her almost frightened. "Hi." He said simply and awkwardly, Kid Loki and Classic Loki sighed in the background. "Hi?" Y/N said raising an eyebrow staring at Loki suspiciously, something was wrong with him.

They stared at each other, the silence in the hideout was uncomfortable and awkward so Y/N excused herself and went outside for some fresh air. Once gone, they all turned to Loki with a look of disappointment. "Hi? Is that the best you could come up with?" Classic Loki asked, "I panicked okay?!" Loki said running his fingers through his hair and sighing, he shook his head and tried to think.

"Just go talk to her like you normally would." Kid Loki said, that was great advice. "Talk to her like you normally would." Loki repeated to himself, he nodded his head before leaving the hideout and immediately seeing Y/N there laying in the grass, wind blowing in her hair and her arms wrapped around herself, Loki once again conjured her a nice warm and cozy green blanket, it startled her slightly as she looked down at it before turning her head behind her. Loki sat down next to Y/N and smiled. "Thank you." She smiled, "Of course." He said.

The awkward silence had returned once more and now Y/N was beginning to wonder what was wrong, was it her? Whenever President Loki had gotten silent with her it usually meant that she had done something to upset him, was Loki upset at her? She frowned and turned to him.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked suddenly, Loki stared at her with a look of confusion. "What?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?" She repeated "To upset you, because if I did I'm sor-" Loki felt horrible, had he made her feel bad? "What?! No, no not at all it's just.." he paused and Y/N stared. Loki sighed wishing the words would just come to him. "It's not you, it's me." Loki said, Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh jeez thanks." She said sarcastically and Loki cursed at himself, he put a hand on Y/N' s shoulder gently.

"Y/N, I didn't mean it like that. Look, what I'm trying to say is." But he couldn't, he had never felt such an anxiety before but Y/N had never been more confused.

"Loki-"

"I love you."

Y/N blinked, the words not really registering in her brain. "What?" She said, Loki sighed. "I...I love you Y/N, I really do and I've been lying to myself for awhile now but I can deny no longer." It was now Y/N's turn to go speechless and awkwardly silent which only made Loki's anxiety worsen. With every passing moment of her not saying anything, Loki felt his heart breaking.

"Y/N, my dear, please say something-"

"I love you too Loki."

"What?" He said not believing the words he was hearing. "I love you Loki, I think from our first interaction I really fell for you and I just didn't think you'd feel the same." She confessed and Loki was stunned by this. "How could I not? I mean, you're sweet, intelligent, cunning and absolutely beautiful. I absolutely adore you and everything about you Y/N." She blushed at this and rested her head on Loki's shoulder, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer resting his head on hers.

"Well, look at that, now you have your own Y/N, now you're not missing out." She joked, Loki chuckled and could feel his heart beating faster, his face turned a bit serious and he looked down at her.

"Do I?" He asked.

"Do you what?"

"Have you?" He clarified, Y/N knew exactly what he was asking, in his own words and smiled. "If you want me, I'm all yours." She said, Loki put his hand gently on her cheek. "Of course I want you Y/N." He said staring into her eyes lovingly, he smiled when she smiled. "Then I'm all yours." She said and Loki's heart soared. Loki couldn't help but look down at her lips, and she did the same until finally, they connected in a sweet and passionate kiss.

"Finally!" They both heard making them break the kiss, they turned their heads to see Kid Loki and Alligator Loki staring at them with smiles.

"Go away!" Loki shouted back, Kid Loki put his hands up in a fake surrender. "Sorry," he said with attitude, "I'll leave you two to your makeup session then." Kid Loki said before going back into the hideout making Loki sigh and Y/N giggle.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Okay, I actually really like this. And I can say why.

"But Dana isn't it hypocritical to Like Lunar's 'villain arc' while disliking Nexus's?"

Not really. Because what Lunar is doing is consistent with his character. Which is, entirely selfish motivations as he has always had before, and I'll explain Lunar's motivations and why he makes a better compelling villain arc. And who knows, maybe Lunar will rush back and say he's sorry after one or two episodes when Nexus didn't.

But Nexus/N!Moon grieving over someone he loved, everyone assuming he's evil and them making a heel turn into 'irredeemable evil' I didn't like because it was contradictory to the past year we spent with N!Moon and unintentionally felt like it villainized grieving in an ugly way. And I've expressed the dislike of All of Nexus's worst fears coming true. He believes his family doesn't understand, they treat him like villain immediately. He thinks he's easily replaceable and not as talented as the Old Moon. Old Moon comes back, replaces him, is accepted immediately and was proven to be intellectually superior to N!Moon. He thinks he's broken that he's beyond repair and can't be fixed. Earth gave up on him really quickly despite being aware of his coping mechanisms (lashing out) (even before the "collateral damage" thing) Ruin lied and manipulated him and killed Solar. Nexus never wanted to be manipulated again.... D!Sun put the plans in place that he was the perfect pawn in an interdimensional sacrifice to get the outcome he wanted. Nexus wanted his family to join him and understand him. No one understood him and he died at the hands of his own brother.

Nexus died with all his worst fears and nightmares confirmed true. It's honestly tragic and horrible.

NOw.... Lunar. Getting into this little bean. Has a far more compelling reason to be corrupted by Negative star power. That is consistent with his character and just doesn't replace Lunar with... Lexus or something.

So Lunar was just told recently by Taurus and Gemini, that he has reached the precipice of his training and neither will train him anymore. With his mental block on his trauma and Eclipse and just apathetic to everything, he can't tap into his emotions or power. Understandably, Lunar is frustrated by this and feels no one is listening to him and feels his partner is being demeaning (they're not. And it's not about him. But Lunar is to selfish to get that.)

People often don't understand that Gemini does not try to be intentionally demeaning to Lunar. They do not have human emotions like we do, or even the animatronics do. They operate at a different level beyond our human comprehension, So I don't place Astrals into mortality boxes. And Lunar, is still a very childish and selfish character, and seems to not understand their partner. Even if they do like them a whole lot. They just don't understand them at a fundamental level. It's hard to have an emotional connection to someone who doesn't have human emotions, (or who is just starting to feel emotions in small doses but that's just a theory) and Lunar does not have the patience or emotional maturity to deal with someone who operates like that.

So Rez puts it out there for Lunar to get stronger then they are willing to train him and SO OF COURSE Lunar would jump at that because he feels infantilized and has felt that way by his partner for a long time. Keep it in mind, Gemini does not do this intentionally, and makes this clear to Lunar MANY TIMES over the entire course of the year they have been interacting.

Not to mention, Sun killing Nexus disturbed something across dimensions. It's as I said when Nexus first turned to the dark side. It's like all Moon's destiny is to inherently be doomed by ambition. Lunar included in that. Lunar following in Nexus's footsteps. Because those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. And Lunar is the prime example. And this is horrible. Maybe it's hypocritical of me to like Lunar's heel turn into a Sasuke arc. But this is on a path of destiny that needs to break. And that's why I think I find it a bit more compelling from a character motivation and writing stand point. So. Yes. Lunar abandoning his family when they need him. Horray!!!

I think I just like it because it is consistent with all of Lunar's characterization up to this point. And because he did not care or know what was going on with Nexus, he will get corrupted by the NSP too. Who knows, maybe Lunar will gain a new found sympathy for Nexus knowing how Dark Star Power fucks with your head and insecurities.

[very-straight-blog]

It really tires me how some fans try to make Aegon look like an asshole who doesn't give a shit about anything. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character as such. Of course he cares, that's literally the essence of his personality. He cares. He and Aemond both feel too much emotion, but if Aemond sublimates into self–improvement, trying to be strong, cold and detached, then Aegon is literally an open wound. I want to talk about this, also using Tom's interviews (yes, I think the actor's opinion is valid in this matter) and the few scenes that we have in the first season.

We know that Aegon didn't want the throne and wasn't ready to rule. The scene with Alicent, who explains to him the prospects for the future of their family, seems very traumatic to me. Imagine what it's like to know from your childhood that the lives of people close to you depend on you, on how strong you'll be. Such a burden can destroy anyone. You can't just ignore it.

Next, we're shown how Aegon drinks on Driftmark. And that's a pretty sad sight - several cups in a row, wincing, as if taking a medicine that will help him to feel better.

Actually, I like the theory that he gets drunk after Aemond says that Helaena is his future queen. Another reminder that he'll have to marry his own sister, for whom he has no feelings. And he drinks because he tries to numb his pain.

The same goes for his obviously unhealthy attitude towards sex - he uses it to numb his loneliness. I believe that Aegon literally didn't have the opportunity to feel what love is in any form. His father disliked him and showed it openly. His mother loved him, but she never knew how to express it the way he needed to. He was married to his sister (the tragedy for both of them) and it was a matter of duty, not feelings. At the time of the first season, Aegon is deeply unhappy and this is obvious. I have every reason to believe that his need for physical intimacy is based on the fact that this is the only form of love he can receive. Considering that Aegon is quite smart, I even think that he himself understands how ugly this form is, but there's nothing he can do. During the act, I guess in some unhealthy way it really saves him from loneliness, longing and the need to be loved, but in the end it makes him even more unhappy.

Then it's impossible not to remember the eighth episode and the famous:

It's still clear that family is important to him. Yes, he feels like a stranger among his relatives, but it hurts him just because he cares. He cries and says "it will never be enough for you or father" because he wants it to be enough. He still loves them and wants them to love him back.

"What Aegon wants more than anything is to be told by his dad ‘I have faith in your capabilities as a young man. I see you bringing prosperity to King’s Landing.’ But he hasn’t said any of those things. His dad has completely ignored him, in fact, throughout his entire youth." (с) Tom Glynn-Carney for Esquire

Next, we can move on to episode nine and the fact that Aegon ran away. I've seen a lot of opinions that this is an indicator of selfishness and like...what? He was scared. This follows from the script:

He was scared, he'd never leave his family, much less Sunfyre. It was a decision made in a panic when he realized that his father had died and the moment he had feared all his life had come - he needed to accept the crown to protect his family.

During the conversation in the carriage, we see that Aegon was really hurt that his father didn't love him:

He even said "because he didn't like me" when talking about his father's attitude towards him. He didn't use the word "love" because it was obvious to him that his father didn't love him. He used the word "like", unknowingly emphasizing that he couldn't count on even simple sympathy.

He's also well aware that Viserys could have named him the heir, but didn't do so simply because he didn't want to and because of this, he - the eldest son, feels unworthy of the throne, and also completely lost.

When Alicent tells him that Viserys wanted to make him the heir before his death, an emotional dam breaks inside him, it's literally written in the script:

And at this moment, looking at the dagger, he's not even listening to Alicent, he's completely in his thoughts - maybe, at least for a second, his father cared about him. And when he asks his mother if she loves him, we see how much he craves love, how broken he really is, how important his family is to him.

I know this post is insanely long and I haven't even analyzed the various microexpressions in Tom's acting, but I'm really tired of people wanting to make Aegon something pure evil.

"I also see Aegon as being incredibly complex. He's not an out-and-out psychopath. I see a multilayered character that just has endless potential of pits of vulnerability and empathy and things that we don't see. I think it's his vulnerability that breeds the darkness. It's the way he copes, it's his security, it's his safety blanket, it's an addictive coping mechanism for him to shut things out and to be cold." (с) Tom Glynn-Carney for Entertainment Weekly

[sakashq]

Love Drought. jude bellingham x fem!reader

🤍 summary: After his move to Real Madrid, Jude hasn’t been the same loving boyfriend you once had.

🤍 wc: 600+

🤍 warnings: y/n usage. I HATE IT. oh and angst! sorry guys 💕💕💕

🤍 yap! this is based on my current situation i fear 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ i swear this is the last time i’ll bring my ex into my work💔

🤍 my girls <3 EXTRA SPECIAL dedication to @hrts4havertz because she is jude’s wife i fear. and to @ar4ujos @halfwayhearted @iovepoem @joaoflms &&. @planetpedri

Flexibility was always something you were capable of. So when your boyfriend Jude signed a contract for a team in Spain, of course you agreed to make the move for him. You loved the beauty of Spain anyway and ended up residing in the heart of the country. Besides, if things didn’t work out, you would still want to live here. You had made new friends and gotten a better job than the one back in Germany — life was just better in Spain.

Until it came time for him to actually play for the team. With Dortmund, Jude was amazing at balancing both you and his career. But now at this higher-level club, it seemed like he had just pushed you aside and only worried about his new club. It was great that he was focused on making the team proud, but that left zero time for you. Whenever he was home (he was always out with his new teammates), he’d barely acknowledge you and brush things off. Your friends called it the “Madrid curse.” Once signing with the team, they brainwash you. Obviously it was a silly joke, but sometimes it lingered in the back of your mind. Was this club destroying your relationship?

You never brought it up because you didn’t wanna seem selfish. He’s focusing on his career, he’s doing big things! That’s amazing, is it not? If you brought it up, it’d just make you seem like a jealous girlfriend. Even if you kind of were.

It got to the point where dates didn’t happen either. Someone who used to try and take you out once a week now only glanced at you once a week, every other time getting ready for football or hanging out with his new football friends. It was all him, him, him. Never any time for you.

Okay, that’s fine. He’s trying to establish relationships with his new teammates. But what about the relationship he already had? The one with his loving and loyal girlfriend that moved across the continent for him? Why was there no time for her?

For the first time in ages, the two of you were sat on the couch together. You sat away from him, sitting in nothing but silence. He looked over at you, raising a brow.

“What’s the matter with you?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t seem too fine. Talk to me,” he responded, his body now turned and facing you.

You stared blankly at him, unsure if you really wanted to talk to him right now. You sighed, deciding communication was probably needed in this situation. “You barely have time for me anymore. I get it, you’ve joined a new club and you need to bond with your teammates. But do you really need to every night?”

He looked at you, almost as if he was going to laugh. “So you’re jealous of Vini, Aurélien, and Eduardo is what I’m hearing?”

“Jude, I’m being serious.” You looked at him, your face and body language very solemn.

“Okay,” he nodded. “Okay, hear me out. You get ready, dress and wear whatever you want however you want and I take you wherever you wanna go.”

You frowned saying, “You don’t get it. Weeks of craving your attention, and you think it’ll just be resolved by one date. It’s just gonna go back to the way it was afterwards.”

“Well what do you want me to do, Y/n? I’m trying here,” his voice raised a little, startling you. “I can’t make time for Madrid and you.”

Your face dropped, your heart going with it. If you weren’t upset then, you definitely were now. What did he mean by that? “So you could with Dortmund but you can’t now because it’s a slightly bigger club? You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“It’s a lot more draining with Madrid, Y/n. You don’t get it,” he shrugged.

“No, I get it. It’s fine, do what you wanna do. You’re gonna realize how good you had it when it’s gone.” You got up from the couch, grabbing your car keys off the coffee table and heading for the door.

Jude got up, ready to chase after you immediately. “Y/n, come on, we can talk about this. Y/n.”

You opened the door, shutting it behind you. Jude followed not too long after.

“Y/n, I’m sorry. Okay, that was a dickhead move. But you leaving doesn’t solve the problem,” he told you. He had a point, sure, but you were mad at him. No way he was gonna win. He was just worried about whether or not you’d be coming back. He loved you dearly, even if he wasn’t currently showing. You leaving upset with him destroyed him. The thought of something happening to you while you were still mad at him paralysed him. He didn’t know if he’d ever forgive himself if something happened.

“Okay, what?” You turned around.

“Come back inside,” he pleaded, his brown eyes begging with him.

Not giving in to his pleas you replied, “No. I can’t get a conversation with you and now you wanna talk. I’m done trying.”

“I know, I know, I fucked up. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just… saying stuff. I don’t want to lose you.” Your heart broke seeing his face, shattering into a million different pieces. Maybe he really wanted to try, or maybe this was just a manipulative move to get you to stay. Either way, you couldn’t help but feel awful. “Please just talk to me.”

You sighed, not responding but walking back over to him. And after a lengthy conversation, everything was okay again. It wasn’t like how it was before, but things were starting to look up. You two agreed to communicate more and take days off just to spend it with each other. After all this, it ended right where it started— the two of you sitting on the coach together, this time with you in his arms.

[narrycherries]

call it what you want ✨ part 7

Harry’s starting to feel the pressure..

masterlist

word count: 9.4k

warnings/tags: harry x reader, best friends to lovers, angst, smut, f receiving, secret relationship

The past few weeks did not play out in your favor. You were only able to see Harry a few times, and each time was shorter than the previous one. It was almost like the world was working against you, instead of for you. One of your mutual friends, Heidi, was getting married this weekend so there have been a lot of things going on. Last weekend, you went on the bachelorette trip. Her fiancé was not really close to Harry, so he opted to not go on the bachelor’s trip. Besides, he had a ton of stuff he had to do regarding his internship. He got an easy excuse, you didn’t have that. You were a part of the wedding party, so you felt obligated to go. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to celebrate, it was solely the fact you were spending yet another weekend away from Harry that you hated.

Now, it’s finally the night of the wedding and you were excited. Of course it was a celebratory night for your friend, but it was also the night you were finally free to see Harry. You knew that once the wedding was over, you would be going with him - most likely to his place. Of course, he made sure to let you know that you had no choice. He was sick of being away from you, and he was craving your company.. as well as the intimacy.

The wedding ceremony was being hosted at a pretty chapel. You were waiting patiently for the service to start, as was Harry. He was sitting next to your other friends in a pew, waiting to see you enter the room. Sure, he was happy for Heidi, but he was more concerned with you.

“Alright, everyone. We’re about to start!” The wedding planner, who was a relative of Heidi’s, announced with a big clap.

You perked up, thinking about how quick this will be. You were desperate to see Harry. You could hardly text him today. You were getting ready, taking photos, and helping with last minute things before people arrived. Your phone was put away in your bag and you were unable to answer it. Harry hated being away from you, but he was trying not to be selfish. Heidi was a close friend of yours, more so than she was to him, and he knew this was an important event. It wasn’t about him.

Before you even realized it, you were walking down the aisle with your arm locked with the groomsman you were paired with. It was the groom’s cousin, but you didn’t know him. Your eyes struggled to stay ahead of you as you fought to not scan the crowd for Harry. The chapel was filled to capacity, and you had no clue where he was sitting. You ignored the thought and stayed focused.

You were second to last in the wedding party, so you weren’t going to be able to look around for very long. You took the opportunity and searched the bride’s side of the chapel for Harry. You were starting to gain a little nervousness in your stomach as you struggled to find him.

Finally, after a solid minute of searching, you locked eyes with him. Unfortunately, you caught his tense stare and clenched jaw before he could make it disappear. He smiled as he realized you were looking at him. You gave him a gentle one in return, but a new fear was forming in your mind. Why was he looking that way? Did you do something? Surely not, you hadn’t seen him in a few days and you didn’t have any kind of fight.

Harry had made the face when he saw you come down the aisle with your arm around someone else’s. He wasn’t upset with you, he was just jealous that someone else was getting to touch you before he was - even though it wasn’t in any kind of serious, intimate, or meaningful way at all. He missed you and he was impatiently waiting to put his arms around you. That guy just ticked him off a little.

Thankfully, the ceremony went by pretty quickly. You tried to keep your mind off of Harry and on the bride and groom instead. It was a special day for your friend, she deserved to have your full attention. Harry, though, kept his eyes on you the entire time. He liked the way the light sage green color of the dress complimented your skin. The straps were thin, they were delicately laying over your shoulders. It was a little tight at the waist, which gave definition to your hips. The dress touched the floor, and he thought it looked wonderful on you. He kept having to swallow and bite down on his cheek as he thought about the body that was beneath all that fabric.

Once the ceremony had ended and the wedding party exited, the guests were instructed to go to the reception venue next door.

Harry was not happy about leaving without you, but he knew the faster he got it over with, the quicker he’d be able to see you. When he walked into the venue with the majority of your friend group, he was displeased to see the seating arrangements. Everyone was allowed to sit wherever they pleased, except for at the tables designated for the wedding party. He was annoyed that he wouldn’t be able to sit with you. He would have to get over it, though, there wasn’t anything he could do to change that.

There wasn’t much he could do other than wait. So that’s what he did. He sat with his hands resting on his lap while his friends talked amongst themselves. They all couldn’t fit at one table, so they were occupying the ones around, too. Harry was sitting with Austin, which wasn’t ideal, but he had no other choice. When the wedding party entered the venue, Harry perked up. He scanned the sea of dark brown tuxes and green dresses, trying to pick you out. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he saw you.

He smiled as he watched you walk around some of the tables, navigating yourself to where you saw your friends were. You hadn’t seen him just yet, but you saw Stephanie standing up. You were clutching some of your dress in your hand, trying to keep it off the ground and prevent yourself from tripping. Harry wished he could escort you to the table, to help you out so you weren’t so nervous about walking - but of course, he couldn’t do that right now.

When you finally picked your head up, your moved your eyes around and unexpectedly caught his stare. Your cheeks caught flames and you decided to walk a little faster. He stood up to greet you as you approached the table. Luckily, Austin had excused himself to the bathroom and everyone else was so caught up in talking that they didn’t pay you any mind.

“Hi!” You squealed happily as your arms wrapped around his torso.

He laughed a little as his arm went around your back. He didn’t want to overdo it, so one arm was all you got.

“Hey, you look stunning.” He whispered into your ear, wishing you were alone with him.

“Thanks.” You said through a sigh, slightly embarrassed but you weren’t sure why.

“I’ve been waiting all day to see you.” He kept his voice low as you pulled away from his hug.

“Yeah, same.” You glanced around quickly, just to make sure nobody was watching. “I’m so tired of this dress and these stupid heels.”

Harry smirked, bringing his hand up to your waist almost instinctively. “You look great.”

“Harry.” You muttered quietly and pushed his hand down. You took a few steps back and slipped a piece of your hair behind your ear. “Too much.”

“Right, sorry.” He quickly apologized and sat back down in his chair, but he stayed facing you. “Do you have more bridesmaids duties?”

“Not a lot more.. just gotta sit over there.” You said while looking over your shoulder towards the table.

“Maybe I’ll get to see you again.”

You let out a breath and closed the space you shared with him. You couldn’t do anything too obvious or drastic, so you just sat your hand on his shoulder. He looked up at you, a disappointed expression on his handsome face. You frowned, not liking the fact he was upset. You were literally an inch from him, but he couldn’t touch you.

“It won’t be too long.. once the dancing starts.. we can talk. Just gotta do all the wedding stuff first.” You told him with a gentle smile, trying your best to convince him it would be okay, but you weren’t sure he was listening.

“Unless someone sweeps you away.”

Your eyes darted around again, making sure it was clear. You leaned down to his ear, not really caring if any strangers were watching - as long as none of your friends were.

“I won’t let that happen, I promise.” You placed a kiss on his ear.

When you leaned back up, Harry grunted and reached out for your hand. You let him take it for just a few seconds before you started to back up. He dropped it, his heart breaking as he realized you were about to leave.

“I gotta get over there before they announce the bride and groom.” You nodded your head towards your brother, who was walking back to the table. “Besides, your friend is back.”

Harry huffed as you turned away from him and began the journey to your designated table. He watched you walk away - admiring how nice your long hair looked while it was curled. Half of it was pulled back in a sparkling clip, but it all cascaded down your back. Before he knew it, you vanished in the crowd.

Harry put on his best performance for his friends while he waited for his chance to see you again. Dinner consisted of a long table of food options where the guests served themselves. He ate some of his food, but he was mostly distracted. He didn’t want to look suspicious, so he didn’t stare in your direction the entire time. The special wedding festivities were over now, and the guests were invited to go into the next room to dance and have fun. There was an open bar, and Harry was ready to throw a shot down his throat. He was tense and anxious, he just needed something to lift the edge off.

“What can I get you?” The bartender asked with a welcoming smile.

“Um, shot of whiskey.. whatever you got.” He said with a sigh, leaning his arm on the bar as he waited.

He stared at the marble counter top as his shot was being poured. He was wondering where you were. Surely, there were no more photos that needed to be taken or small things that you had to do for the bride. He wasn’t sure, all he knew was that he was very impatient.

“Thanks.” He said as he took the small plastic shot glass and threw the contents into his mouth. “Can I get another? Then I’ll be outta your way.”

“Got it.” She smiled back.

He wasn’t aware that you were standing not very far from him, watching as he took the second shot and emptied it into his mouth. He decided to ask for a mixed drink, so he waved the bartender back over. You knew that sometimes he overdid it, and you didn’t want that to happen tonight. You quickly walked his way. He had already had two glasses of wine, so he was getting a bit warm. He wanted to take off his suit jacket, but he didn’t.

“Be careful, whiskey makes you a little rowdy.” You said suddenly, appearing next to him with your hand on his back.

He jumped at first, but then grinned as he realized it was just you. “Finally.”

You let out a laugh as his arms snaked around your body. Luckily, the majority of the guests were taking advantage of the dance floor - including all of your mutual friends.

“Missed you so much.” You whispered into his ear as your arms went around his neck. You felt more comfortable hugging him this way now than you did earlier. There were too many eyes on you before.

“I missed you way more.” He mumbled back, pressing a kiss to your jaw before letting you go. Despite knowing he wasn’t being observed by anyone that he knew, he didn’t want to overdo it.

“Am I going home with you tonight?”

He smirked, then lifted a brow. “Trying to get in my pants?”

“Shut up.” You gave him a gentle shove, but made sure you let your hand trail down his chest and abodomen afterwards. “You’re such a guy.”

“Look at you.” He said, gesturing to your body. “Can you blame me for thinking that way? You’re gorgeous.”

“Shut up, you’re too loud.”

He rolled his eyes, then grabbed your waist to pull you towards him. “Then get closer.”

“Stop before someone sees us.” You huffed back, looking over your shoulder to make sure nobody you recognized was around.

Harry moved his other hand up and gently grabbed your jaw. He shifted your head back, your eyes finding his instantly. “Relax.”

“No.” You pulled his hand down and took a step back - you didn’t want to, but you had to. “Save all this for later.”

He shook his head and looked down at the floor. “I’ve been waiting all week to see you.”

“I know.” You grabbed his hand, the one that was closest to the bar and not out where everyone could see. You laced your fingers with his and gave his hand a squeeze. “Later, okay?”

He rolled his eyes and kept them on the floor. You were surprised that he was acting this way, but you quickly remembered he had some alcohol in his system. He was probably solely thinking about you and nothing else - not even the environment you were in. If he were sober, he would be more subtle with his touches and smarter about his word choices.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered out after you became silent.

“I don’t think you need any more drinks.” You said through a sigh.

His eyes lifted to meet yours. “Why?”

“You’re acting too.. obvious.” The lift of your eyebrows didn’t effect him, he was still unsure.

“No, I’m not.”

“Just.. please, don’t do anything too crazy, okay? I don’t want.. people to see anything.”

He huffed again, almost like a child would, but gave you a nod. “Okay, I won’t. I’ll be on my best behavior, promise.”

“Thank you.” You rubbed your thumb over his skin before letting his hand go. “Now, do you wanna go find everyone else? We can dance.”

“Everyone else?” He mumbled out, a frown covering his lips.

You took a deep breath. “Harry, we have to act normal, okay? This is no different than any other situation.”

“You promised me you’d spend time with me once everything was done.” He furrowed his brows. You realized his words had a little anger in them.

“Harry, we can have some private time here and there, but we have to interact with everyone else.”

He shook his head in disbelief, then turned to face the bar. You hit your hand against his arm but he was ignoring you. He lifted the cup to his mouth and swallowed the contents in seconds. He wasn’t a child, but you felt like scolding him.

“Fine. Then I’m going to act like everyone else.” He said with a cold tone as he waved to the bartender. She walked over to him and smiled. “Can I have some more whiskey.. on the rocks, please.”

“Just whiskey?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, then looked your way once the lady was occupied again. “Go have fun.”

“Harry.” You pouted your lips out, not pleased with how he was acting. “Please, don’t be this way.”

“I’m not being any kind of way. Just go have fun. Go dance, have a drink. We’ll worry about each other later.. at home.”

You were shocked by what he said, but you were more so disappointed in his attitude. You gulped softly and adjusted the strap on your shoulder as you walked away from him. Of course, you were upset. You wanted to cry your eyes out and beg him to stop being so mean towards you. Was it him actually being mean? Probably not. He was just annoyed, and you knew that and understood why, but still.. It hurt your feelings.

You disappeared before he knew it. He looked around, but you were gone from the room. You went to find your friend group in the ballroom, hoping that they were dancing and having a good time. You would just join them and try to forget about Harry.

Dancing with your friends was always a fun time. You felt like the last few times you were with everyone, you weren’t very active. Of course, that had a lot to do with your new intimacy with Harry. It wasn’t like you suddenly hated your friends, the anxiety of it all was just eating you up. Tonight was a chance for you to let go and have fun. You weren’t concerned with Harry right now. He’s a grown man, he can handle himself.

An hour went by without you seeing Harry again. You were mostly with your girl friends, so you were dancing and singing and having a few sips of champagne. You didn’t want to get drunk, so you just shared drinks with them. It was a fun time. Well, until you had to go to the bathroom.

You broke away from the group and headed back towards the dining room and bar. The bathrooms were through there, near the lobby. Your eyes were roaming around as you walked, just observing the decorations and the people. That’s when your attention froze on the bar. Harry was sitting on a stool, his head laying down on his arm. There was an empty cup in front of him, and as you got closer, you realized there were several empty cups.

“Harry?” You said his name sort of loud, the music was blaring through the building. You laid your hand on his shoulder blade and started gently rubbing his back. “Are you okay?” He lifted his head and you instantly felt your heart drop. He looked so sad. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

He shrugged, then looked to his empty cup. He tried to gesture the bartender over, but you quickly grabbed his hand and pulled it down. You shook your head towards her, and thankfully, she understood. She didn’t come over.

“Stop.” He huffed, trying to pull his hand from you but his efforts were weak. He didn’t want you to let him go, that’s why he didn’t try.

“Have you been here this whole time?” You asked with a frown, leaning your body onto his to be closer. Your hand went down to the small of his back. “Hmm?”

“Yeah.. cause you left me.”

“Harry, we can’t.. can’t act this way in public, okay?”

“We could.”

You knitted your brows together. “Well, we’re not.”

“Go back to everyone else. Go have fun.”

You let go of his hand and quickly grabbed his jaw. You moved his head so it was facing you again. He wanted you to stay like this, to not let him go again.

“Come to the bathroom with me.”

“What?” He seemed a little confused.

“We need to talk.” When you relaxed your brows and features, he noticed you seemed upset.

He didn’t say anything, just nodded and proceeded to stand up from the bar stool he had chosen an hour ago. You knew where all your friends were, so you confidently took hold of his hand and pulled him behind you towards the bathrooms.

You thought one escape to a public bathroom would all you’d share with him, but clearly not. To your advantage, the stalled bathroom was big but had a lock on the door. You turned the lock and let Harry finally wrap his big arms around you in the way he wanted to all night long, ever since he laid eyes on you walking down the aisle. You returned his embrace, not caring about messing up your hair or makeup at this point. The wedding photos were done with, you had no reason to be so concerned anymore. Harry squeezed you as hard as he could without hurting you, and that made you feel safe. He held you like that for a few solid minutes. Everything was okay for the first time in a while.

He stayed quiet, and so did you. There was nothing that needed to be said right now. You just had to feel his body against yours. Your eyes were bolted shut, and his were, too. He felt like he was on another planet - was it the alcohol, or was it you? He wasn’t sure, but he knew it was a different feeling than anything he felt tonight.

When he finally let you loose, you moved both hands up to his jaws. He was frowning, almost like he wanted to cry. He did, but he didn’t want you to think he was a loser for crying.

“Hey, you gotta tell me what’s going on, okay?”

He shrugged. “You already know.”

“Tell me.”

He huffed, looking away from you for a moment. “I hate having to pretend. It fucking sucks.”

“Harry.”

His lips turned to a frown and he leaned down so his lips were on your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.. I know it’s not easy.” You mumbled back, letting one hand move into his hair while the other went to his chest.

“It was.. sorta easy at first.. but since we.. y’know.. I just want to touch you and kiss you all the time.”

What he was explaining to you was how you felt. The kissing situation made things very different, but it was somewhat more manageable to act normal in front of other people. Even after Harry had touched you intimately, things were easier than this. It’s different now - more than it’s ever been.

“And it’s been.. so long since we got to be together.”

“Do you remember how I was at the restaurant? We.. we can’t.. can’t be so emotional about this in public, okay? I know it’s super hard.” You pressed a kiss to his dimple, but he was too sad to appreciate it.

“It’s so hard.” He muttered out, feeling defeated from all of this. “M’trying to.. to be strong for you.. not disappoint you.”

You grabbed his jaw and pushed his head up so you could see his eyes. “I know, honeybun.”

For the first time in a while, he shot you a smile. “Honeybun?”

He was surprised by your use of a pet name. It was the first time you really called him anything like that, and he seemed to like it. His cheeks were flushed and his smile was contagious. You laughed a little while rubbing your thumb over his skin.

“You’re so sweet, hm? Just like a honeybun.”

“If you say so, peach.” He chuckled back, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders.

He looked down at your chest for a second, then to your lips. He wanted to suck your tongue down his throat, but he refrained. He wasn’t sure if you wanted that yet. Your hand moved to his neck, your thumb messing with his ear lobe. The feeling of your skin moving against his made his stomach churn in a good way.

“My eyes are up here.” You said suddenly, lifting his head up. He hadn’t noticed he was staring at your chest.

He let a smirk cover his mouth. “If you lean over.. you’re gonna be spilling out of that dress.”

You cocked a brow at him. “So you’re admitting to staring at my boobs?”

“Hmm.” He laughed under his breath, making you grin.

“What a creep.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

“Just be mindful, darling.. I’d hate for some stranger to see them tonight before I get to.”

You were not surprised by his words, and you were glad he was back to his normal self and not so upset anymore. “You’re so jealous, hm?”

“I have a good reason to be.”

“Is that so?”

He licked his lips and yanked you closer, his arm tight around your body. His mouth was brushing against yours, teasing you with every second that went by.

“Do you care about that lipstick?” He mumbled out, his lips pressing into yours already.

“No.”

His tongue practically shot into your mouth. You couldn’t resist the moan that came out as he started exploring each inch of your mouth. His hands didn’t hesitate to explore either. He was squeezing your butt with one while the other kept you pressed firmly against him.

After all these days of being unable to touch him like this, you were lost in the moment. Everything around you disappeared and nothing mattered. The world stopped spinning, it was just you and him.

“Harry.” You gasped out as he grabbed your waist on either side and lifted you off the ground.

“Shh.” He sat you down on the counter, his hands selfishly grabbing onto your body as he returned to your lips.

You didn’t protest, didn’t say a thing - just let him continue. You wanted to rip his jacket off and tear the buttons from his shirt, but you tried to control yourself and just worry about kissing him. He noticed how hard you were pulling on his clothes, though. He broke the kiss and immediately took hold of your face with his warm hand.

“I want you.. so bad.” He breathed out, trying to get his lungs to catch up.

“Not in the bathroom.” You let out a gentle laugh. “And.. not if you keep drinking, understand?”

He nodded. “Yeah.. I’ll stop, promise.”

You leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek. “Drink water.. eat something, okay?”

“I will, promise.”

Just as he was, you were trying to calm yourself down and catch your breath. Your hand slid up his chest to his shoulder. You adjusted his shirt collar, noticing how messed up you had caused it to get.

“You look.. really nice in this.” You told him with a sweet smile.

The dark grey suit looked nice on him. You admired how the shirt was a soft shade of blue instead of just plain white. The top two buttons were undone, so you could see the chain around his neck. You wanted to strip him, but now wasn’t the time.

“We should.. go back out there.” You said after a few moments of silence.

He licked his lips and nodded gently. “I guess so.”

You decided that it would be fine if you both approached your group of friends at the same time. There couldn’t possibly be any harm in that, or so you hoped. When you came up, you immediately made a joke about finding Harry stumbling over the bar stools. There were some laughs and snide comments, since it wasn’t unusual for him to get this way at events or celebrations.

He was trying to counter your claims, which just added more laughter to the group. It was a relief to hear that. There was still a bit of anxiety lurking about, but you hoped it would pass on. Everything went accordingly for the rest of the evening. You were focused on having fun with your girlfriends, dancing and singing to the music.

Harry was more involved in conversations as he casually looked around and gave you a few glances here and there. He wasn’t drinking anymore, the goal for the night had changed. He wanted to black out and forget it all - forget how upset he was and how much he missed you. Instead, he’s trying to let some of that alcohol fizzle away so he could appreciate you later on.

Once the wedding was over and you did your job of helping clean up some of the mess, Harry gladly volunteered to drive you home. Your roommate was gone for the weekend, so the destination was your place and not his. Besides, you wanted to be in the comfort of your own bed after such a long, exhausting day. But of course he actually didn’t drive his car, you weren’t drunk from the few sips you had.

“My feet are hurting so bad.” You groaned as you finally got to sit down on the foot of the bed. It felt like you had been standing in the for days.

“I could give you a massage.” Harry said with a cheeky smile as he knelt down to your feet. He swatted your hand away and took over removing the shoes. “You’d feel better.”

“That would be nice.” You raked your fingers through his scalp as you yawned. Unfortunately, you knew nothing would happen tonight. You were beyond exhausted and you wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer. “Help me out of this dress and I’ll go wash my makeup off.”

“I’ll gladly help you out of it.” He chuckled to himself as he stood up and held his hand out for you.

“I don’t think.. I have the energy for anything.” The sigh you pushed out made him frown a little. “I’m sorry.”

He licked his lips and shrugged as he grabbed your waist and turned you around. “That’s alright. I know you’re tired.”

“I would love to, don’t get me wrong.. I just.. can’t tonight.”

There was something about seeing the disappointment in his eyes that made you feel horrible. You knew he was thinking about this all night, especially once he filled his body with alcohol. The last thing you wanted to do was make him feel bad, but there was simply nothing you could do to fix it. You were tired, your feet hurt, your back hurt - everything hurt. You just wanted to relax and go to sleep.

“I know. I said it’s alright, peach.” He said in a low voice as he swept your hair over your shoulder so he wouldn’t get any of it caught in the zipper. “We can make up for lost time tomorrow.”

“Please, don’t be mad.” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to make a wish or say a prayer or do whatever was necessary.

“I never said I was mad, babe.” He pressed a kiss to your back as he guided the straps of the dress down your arms.

Once it was off of your body, you picked it up and draped it over your arm. Harry was trying to control his mind as you walked across the room half naked. You put the dress on its hanger and stuck it in the closet, intending to deal with it in the morning. When you turned to face him, he was undoing his shirt and coming out of his clothes, too.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” You said as you approached him. He looked up and smiled as you snatched his hand and wrapped your fingers with his. “Do I still get a foot massage?”

“Of course, peach.” He winked, making a layer of blush rise to your cheeks. “You get whatever you want.”

You disappeared into the bathroom to take off your makeup and soak your tired body in a warm bath. Harry wanted you to have some alone time, even though he was desperate to be with you all night. It was different now, you were home. There was no hiding needed or secrets you had to keep up. It was just you and him.

Despite wanting to relax, you were becoming anxious to be with him. Your bath was quick, but it was decent. You mainly just wanted to soak your muscles and rinse the day off. Your hair was pulled up on your head, you’d deal with washing it in the morning.

When you finally came back to the bedroom, Harry was sitting at your vanity scrolling on his phone. You noticed the bed was made and he had emptied your hamper. You smiled sweetly and walked over to him.

“Massage time.” You giggled.

He looked up at you and smirked. “Yes ma’am.”

“Could you also give my calves a little rub? They’re hurting.”

Harry followed you to the bed, where you sat down on the end. “Sleeping naked tonight?”

“No, I’ll get dressed in a little bit.”

“So just going to tease me then? Won’t let me take care of you tonight.. but forcing me to stare at this towel?” His grin was contagious.

“Don’t be a cry baby.” You joked back. “I promise we can do whatever you want in the morning.”

He smirked. “Whatever I want? Hm, I’ll remember that.”

Harry spent a good ten to fifteen minutes rubbing his fingers deep into your feet and legs. You kept letting out soft hums and moans that stayed circling his mind. He wanted you so bad, but now wasn’t the time. He tried to stay focused as he massaged your sore muscles. He’s always offered to do this for you, way before anything changed. He had strong hands that made your tension melt like butter. You always took advantage of his massage offers.

When he was finished, he helped you rub lotion on your legs. He pushed the towel up a little so he could cover your thighs. He tried not to peek between your legs but it was hard to avoid. After that, you got off the bed and figured it was time to get dressed.

Harry grabbed his phone and sat down on the bed as he waited for you. Just as you slid a pair of underwear up your legs, you heard Harry sigh. You turned to face him, a t-shirt in your hand, in time to see him furrow his brows. He was looking at his phone.

“We’ve got a problem.” He said suddenly, lifting his head.

“What’s wrong?”

He didn’t seem to be angry, but he was definitely bothered by whatever he was reading. “Come look at this..”

You climbed on the bed and sat next to him, taking the phone. You crossed your legs and read over the text your brother just sent Harry. Instantly, your stomach dropped and you gulped slowly.

From Austin: Have you been alright lately? I saw you acting weird earlier.. like you didn't want to be around us when my sister was over there. The two of you having a cat fight? You’ve been weird about her lately.

You gulped harshly as you read over the words. You shook your head and gave the phone away. Harry tossed it on the mattress and huffed, unsure of what to do.

“You can’t reply to that.” You mumbled out.

He rolled his eyes. “I have to.”

Your heart was starting to race. Your brother never asked about your friendship with Harry. He didn’t care that you were super close. It hadn’t always been that way, but once it started he just accepted it. It was no big deal.. so, why is it suddenly coming up?

“Then lie. Say nothing’s wrong.” You shrugged, trying to stay calm. “I mean.. technically nothing’s wrong.”

“Well, he clearly thinks something is wrong.” He quickly replied, his tone was sharp.

“Who cares what he thinks? Just lie.”

He didn’t appear to be on board with what you were suggesting. He groaned and ran a hand through his messy hair. You weren’t sure why this was actually bothering him so much.

“What if he’s catching on?” He asked, turning his head to look at you.

From the corner of your eye, you could see his intense stare. But you kept your own eyes down and just shrugged your shoulders. There really wasn’t anything you thought you could say. What more could you do?

“Just lie to him, Harry. We lie about everything else.. what’s it matter now?” Saying it out loud brought some of that guilt back up.

You absolutely hated the fact you were keeping such a huge secret from your friends and your family, and that included your brother. As much as he pestered you, he was one of your best friends. Not only that, he’s Harry’s best friend aside from you. Lying to him about all of this isn’t ideal, but it’s what you wanted for the time being..

“If I lie and say nothing’s wrong and I keep acting however he thinks I’m acting.. he’s going to know I’m lying.” Harry started to sound more paranoid than you initially thought.

You let out a deep breath. “But nothing’s wrong. Just tell him you were tired and wanted to drink. He knows you were at the bar.”

“Yeah, but does he know you were with me first? What if he saw you?” He was quick to respond.

If anything, you had been observant all night. You knew for sure that none of your friends were around when you were with Harry. None of Heidi or the groom’s family knew you, so it’s not like somebody saw something and reported back to your brother. Harry was starting to be more anxious than you.

“He didn’t. Nobody we knew was in there, Harry. You’re being a bit.. dramatic.”

As you said that, he scoffed and tensed up next to you. Even though you weren’t touching, you could feel his body change. He didn’t necessarily want to be angry with you, but what you said sort of affected him.

“Oh, as if you haven’t been dramatic about this before.” His tone made you frown.

“I never said I haven’t been.. Why are you being so rude?”

Harry moved to the side of the bed. You watched closely, not sure if he was going to get up and disappear from your room or not. You didn’t want him to leave, especially not after you had to suffer all these days without seeing him.

“Because, you’ve been worrying about this and now it’s making me worry.” He finally spoke, his head hanging low as leaned over, his arms on his knees.

You didn’t know what to say. Maybe he was just having a hard time tonight and this was some of that lingering frustration from being apart from you. Normally, he was the calm one and you were the overthinker. You feared maybe you couldn’t help him.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Harry.” You reached over to touch his back, but as you did he shook you off and stood up. “Don’t.. don’t leave.”

“I just need a minute.” He muttered out, grabbing his phone from the bed. “I’ll.. think of something to tell him.”

“Harry.” You whispered out his name as he started walking towards the door.

“I’ll be back in a little while.”

As you watched him leave through the door, you felt a lump form in your throat. Something was different tonight and you weren't sure where things went wrong. What if you were too harsh with him at the wedding? You knew nobody was watching, yet you didn't allow him to do much. Maybe he thought you were being too serious about everything. Was it all finally coming back to bite you?

One of your biggest fears that had developed since this all started with him was starting to creep into your mind. You feared something would happen that would ruin your friendship. What if it was an argument? You rarely, if ever, argued with him before or even disagreed about things. Now, it seems more common for you to spat about something.. and each time it’s been about your situation. Was intimacy playing a larger role than you could’ve imagined? Was it truly going to ruin everything?

Tears swelled in your eyes as you sat in silence, the only noise being the thoughts racing in your head. You weren’t sure if he’d come back in the bedroom.. and you were too tired to wait up for him.

Although you were successful at falling to sleep, your anxiety was bubbling up and you found yourself waking up in the middle of the night. You reached behind you, gently patting the air until you touched his body. It was relieving to know he was behind you, even though he wasn’t cuddled up next to you. You turned onto your stomach, your elbows digging in the mattress as you battled the racing thoughts in your mind.

You and Harry had never really had a bad argument in the past, and despite the disagreement you had earlier not actually being that bad, you felt very upset. You had never gone to bed without him telling you goodnight, and it felt odd and unsettling.

A sigh fell from your lips as you grabbed your phone, wanting some light so you could see him. You opened your home screen and sat the phone on the pillow. There was a soft glow casted on him now, allowing you to see how adorable he looked. He was facing you, one arm under the pillow, his hair was a mess.. You smiled to yourself, admiring him was one of your favorite things to do. He was so perfect.

You thought maybe seeing him would make you feel better and ease some of the tension you held, but it was doing the opposite. A tear trickled down your cheek suddenly, followed by more and more as the seconds passed. Maybe you had been too rough with him earlier. He was seriously worried and anxious about the situation and your attempts at calming him must have been read wrong. It wasn’t your intention to upset him, and now it felt like you were falling apart.

You covered your face and tried to keep your crying silent. But it was difficult to stay quiet as you sucked in breaths and tried to control your quivering lips. After a few minutes, the sounds got louder and Harry could feel the bed moving slightly as your shoulders jolted with each breath. You were struggling.

“Peach?” He said softly in a groggy voice, melting your heart.

You sucked in a breath and quickly wiped your eyes and cheeks, hoping to rid your skin of the tears before he could see them. He opened his eyes and squinted, adjusting to the light reflecting off your skin.

“What’s the matter?” He realized you were sniffling and trying to hold in your tears. His hand slid onto the small of your back, a warmth you missed so much was lighting a fire on your skin. “Baby.. why are you crying?”

You shook your head and chose to drop your head on the pillow. Harry sighed and scooted closer to you, closing the small space. You grunted as he rubbed circles on your back. He wasn’t sure what time it was or why you were awake to begin with, but he wanted to comfort you no matter what.

“Go.. go back.. to sleep.” You managed to get the words out, your voice muffled by the pillow.

Harry pulled the cover off of you some, feeling how warm you were made him think you were too hot. You didn’t protest, just went mute as you waited for him to give up. He wouldn’t do that easily, though.

“Tell me what’s going on, peach.”

That word did something to you every single time he said it. You couldn’t resist the butterflies forming in your stomach or the way your heart sparked or the heat that rose to your cheeks.. every time it drove you crazy. You let out a groan and lifted your head, your puffy eyes finding his. He wished he could see you better, but you were glad he couldn’t. Whenever you cried, you would always end up crying more if he was watching. Something about it made you feel worse, more embarrassed and ashamed.

“Are.. are you.. mad at me?” You asked him a shaky tone, your voice almost broken completely.

Harry furrowed his brows and slowed his hand to a stop on your back. “What?”

“I made you mad earlier.. I know i did.”

“No, you didn’t. I was just irritated by the text.”

You huffed and let your lips fall to a pitiful frown. He hated seeing you this way. He leaned closer, his face just an inch or so from yours now. You wanted to kiss his lips, wanted to feel the magical sensations he gave you.. but you stayed still and just looked at his eyes.

“I’m not mad.” He tried to stress his words, but you weren’t believing them.

Whether he was actually mad or not was starting to slip from your anxious mind. You were more concerned about what could’ve happened or may happen one day in the future. What if you had a major blowout fight and everything came to an end? Not only would this new found romantic relationship end, but your years long friends would be ruined. Everything would shatter.. and there would be no fixing it.

“I knew this would happen.” You whispered as your eyes shifted from his worried stare.

“What do you mean?” He was still confused as to why you were so upset over what happened. Sure, it wasn’t the best situation, but he didn’t think it was this bad..

“That all of this going on between us would cause fights.”

He sighed gently and licked his lips. “How many times do I have to tell you, love, that everything will be fine?”

The thought of arguing over this yet again was enough to make you realize that maybe he was right. Maybe things would be okay as long as you continue doing what you’re doing. There was no need to go out of your way to lie or hide more than you are now, so why worry? They didn’t know, and they haven’t asked..

“Do you.. promise that you’re not mad?” You asked in a soft whisper, making him smile back.

“I could never be mad at my little peach. Promise, darling.”

Harry’s hand moved with your body as you shifted onto your side to face him. He slid his touch down to your hip where he rested his hand and gave you a comforting squeeze. You took in a deep breath and pushed it out as you realized your body was not prepared to rest.

“Great.. now m’so worked up.. I won't be able to sleep.”

Harry smiled as your lips poked out in a pout. “I can make you a bit tired.”

He moved his hand to your butt, while his eyes stayed glued to yours. A few ideas popped in your mind, but you were hesitant to say something or agree to anything. You were exhausted from the long day dealing with the wedding, and the arguing earlier made you feel emotionally drained. You feared you couldn’t handle any intimacy with him right now. Yet, you still let out a soft whisper.

“How?”

He leaned into you, pressing his lips to your forehead. “Let me take care of you.. just a little bit.” His big hand squeezed as much of your ass as he could hold, wishing he could grab more.

A sigh fell past your lips. “Harry.. I.. I’m just anxious.. I don't really have the energy.”

“I’ll do the work, peach. Just rub you for a few minutes. I know it’ll help.”

Although you were tired, the thought of his fingers being lost in your underwear was tempting. Under the covers, you reached for his hand and he let you take it. As much as he was enjoying your ass, he wasn’t going to deny you his hand. He knew how much you loved his hands. You wrapped your fingers with his and let your eyes fall to his shoulder. Each time he’s touched you, it feels like the very first time. You get butterflies shooting around in your stomach, your head starts to get a little dizzy, and you have a burning desire in your body for him. It was magical each and every time. The thought of him doing it is enough to drive you mad.

Your eyes moved back to his intense stare, blush covering your cheeks. “Would you really?”

A smirk toyed on his lips. “Of course.. I love watching you cum for me, baby.”

The statement made you push out a breath and close your eyes. The little things he did and spoke were always what caused the most chaos in your body. You wanted to climb on his lap and tear his clothes off, but your body was too worn out to do that now.

“And.. and you’re okay with.. me not doing anything in return?” You asked curiously, your tongue poked out to lick your lips.

He watched it disappear back into your mouth, a million thoughts filled his mind as he darted his eyes back to yours. “Absolutely. I need to make it up to you anyway.. I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

You cocked your brow and let out a giggle. “Yeah, you do need to make it up to me.”

“Sassy, hm?” He pushed his lips onto yours and swallowed the soft moan you let out.

Harry grabbed your body, digging his fingertips into your flesh as you clawed gently at his neck. You didn’t want to hurt him, even though he would definitely not mind, so you kept your nails soft on his skin. He grunted as you shoved your other hand into his hair, pulling him further against you.

“Missed you so much, peach.” He muttered against your mouth, his tongue returning with a split second to continue exploring.

You couldn’t respond to him, so instead you just pulled on his roots and squeezed his shoulder. Soft whimpers and moans filled the air as he sucked on your tongue and bit down on your bottom lip. Your stomach was bubbling and your toes curled as the thoughts of what was to come circled your mind. You needed him way more than you initially thought you did.

Harry pushed down on your hip, forcing your body to fall onto the mattress. You whined as he pulled back from the kiss, but quickly sighed in relief as his lips moved to your jaw. He sucked on your skin for a few seconds before falling down to your neck. You didn’t want to go all the way, and he was aware of that, but he just had to make up for lost time.

You gripped his nape as he filled his mouth with your skin, creating a few soft marks here and there. Every nerve in your body was on fire and you craved him. You grabbed his hand from your waist and moved it between your legs. He hummed against your skin as he took over and covered you with his hand. You wanted more, and the grunt you let out made him smirk.

“Please.” You whispered next to his ear, closing your eyes as you patiently waited for him.

He broke away from your skin and lifted his head, his pretty eyes instantly locking with yours. He gave you a smirk and placed a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth. You pouted, silently pleading with him. He was enjoying your begging, but he didn’t want to torture you any longer.

“So warm, hm?” He mumbled as he patted you through your panties.

“Harry, please.” Your voice stayed quiet. “Touch me, please.”

He pressed two fingers over your clit and gave you a little tease. You groaned, furrowing your brows as he chuckled. As much as he wanted to keep teasing you, he knew that if he didn’t start soon you were going to explode.

“M’gonna take care of you, peach.” He leaned back so he could get a better look at you while he made you come undone.

You bit down on your cheek as he brought his fingers to his mouth. When you first started this, you were a bit shy when it came to your body. But right now you didn’t care about all of that. You kicked the covers down, making him gently laugh, and tugged up your shirt. Your chest wasn’t out, even though you were sure he’d like that.

“Hm, always so wet for me, yeah?” His hand disappeared in your panties and you let out a moan as he coated your clit with his spit and slid his fingers through your folds. “Been too long since I’ve taken care of you, hm?”

You grunted. “Too long.”

His lips lifted with a smirk. “Won’t let that happen again, darling.”

A wave of pleasure flooded your body as he began making circles on your clit. Your legs already felt week and your stomach was knotting up. You weren’t sure why you were so sensitive, maybe it was just because it was Harry doing it. When you did it by yourself, you were never this intense right off the bat. Now wasn’t the time to question it, the only thing on your mind was him.

As much as you wanted to watch him, you couldn’t keep your eyes open as the sensations swarmed your body. Harry was amazed by how beautiful and perfect you looked like this. He was trying not to focus on his growing cock. This was all he was getting tonight, and he was okay with that. A minute passed by as you got lost in the overwhelming pleasure.

“Talk to me, baby doll.” His voice rumbled deep and low, making your eyes roll back into your head. “Tell me how it feels.”

You were lost for words at first, and you thought it would be impossible to say anything. Somehow, your eyes managed to open and you caught his stare, but you couldn’t speak. Your lips parted as you pushed out a breath. He was thoroughly pleased with how you were reacting to his touch.

“C’mon, baby, gotta tell me, yeah?” He whispered, his warm breath fanning over your face. Everything he did was making it harder to speak.

You wrapped your fingers around his wrist, gripping him hard while the other one grabbed his elbow. He hissed as your nails sunk into his skin. His favorite part was always when you wrapped your hands around him. Finally, you were able to speak.

“Fuck, Harry.” You gasped out, your lip was quivering. “S’good.. re-really, good.”

“Yeah? Like it when I rub your pussy, don’t you, babe?”

You nodded, unable to really say anything else. He chuckled and moved his lips down to your forehead.

“I know you do, baby. Look at you, hm, coming undone for me.”

“Harry.” You whispered his name quietly, fearing that you’d scream if you spoke any louder.

“I want you to cum for me, okay? Make a mess, baby.”

It was like his words controlled your body. Your stomach rolled as your thighs began to tense up. You scratched at his skin while your moans filled the air. He knew what he did to you, knew how easy it was to guide you to the edge.

“Harry.” You pushed out his name as you came.

He rubbed you through it, humming in satisfaction as he watched your body react to what he had done to you. So much spilled out of you, it felt never ending. You pushed your hand off your forehead and let out a heavy exhale. Harry smirked to himself as he watched your eyes close and your lips fall apart. You were breathing hard, trying to catch up and slow down your heart rate.

“Feel tired now?” He asked with a subtle chuckle.

You dropped your hand and looked over at him. He was still holding onto that smirk, and it made you shake your head and smile back. There was something so wild about this, something so special and crazy. You licked your lips and just stared into his green eyes. It was evident that he was tired, but he was willing to do anything you wanted, and that included staying awake to let you stare at him.

“I’ll go grab a wash cloth-“

“No, not yet.” You snatched his hand as it came out of your underwear. “Just.. stay right here for a bit.”

You kept hold of his wrist as he rested his hand on your stomach. The feeling of his damp fingers against your skin made your heart skip a beat. It was a surreal feeling. Even though it wasn’t the first time he’s touched you, you still couldn’t believe he did it..

[a/n: hehehe the drama is coming 🤭 hope u enjoy the update! reblog like and all that good stuff! love uuu]

taglist: @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @victoriasigaard @ariiscringe @harlowsgirl @lomllover @haniaaa04 @sideboobrry11 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @fangirl509east @fruity-harry @storyschanging (if u want to be added to the list, comment or message me)

[arijackz]

PICK A CARD: What You're Walking Away From and What You're Walking Toward

⚸ "Just like moons and like suns, with the certainty of tides, just like hopes springing high, still I’ll rise." —Maya Angelou

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. I wish you love and light through this renewing period. <3

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

♦︎ Pile One ♦︎ (3oP, 2oS rev., the tower, the star)

⚄ The cards are taking a while to come out, I feel like whatever seeds you’re planting, the bulk of the work is being done internally, subconsciously, or in your sleep. ⚄ With the three of pentacles,  you are reevaluating the role your social connections play in your life and how exactly they’ll fit into the puzzle pieces of your future. For most of you, these are friendships. A few of you, romantic relationships. Another subset of you, there is an emphasis on the relationships you've built with the people you share a common goal with. This can be for work, clubs, hobbies, etc. ⚄ You are moving out of 5th house-type friendships (here for a good time, not a long time) and entering 7th and 11th house partnerships. These unions go beyond just having fun. Deep connections are developed so you can have a support team to lean on during the upcoming highs and lows of the 6th, 8th, and 10th house. They hold more significance and the people who reside in this area of your life should be thoroughly vetted. ⚄ Two of swords rev., you are battling with an internal decision regarding the company you keep and struggling to center yourself.  This tower moment is forcing you to vet. To take action. Reflect on whether these people help fulfill your life purpose and achieve your goals or just hinder them. Reassess your relationships according to what you want out of life. ⚄ I was trying to keep this pac short and down to 3 cards. But apparently not?? The star just flipped out, reaffirming that there's a lot of good shit in the works. Stepping away from certain people will align you with the next phase of your life. Bigger and better is coming in. Some of you are settling in relationships in fear of being alone. ⚄ Staying with connections you have outgrown will leave you stagnant. The universe has big plans in store for you, your life is going to take off soon. It will not wait for your friends to hop aboard the ride. You cannot take everyone with you. Your relationships are coming into question because the universe is doing some pruning for you. ⚄ I see people “jumping ship”, maybe you feel the people around you are not there for you during your rough patches? Yeah, connections built on shallow foundations are dissolving.  ⚄ The king of cups popped up out of nowhere. You are falling out of alignment with the people you’re with and leaving them will push you towards kinder souls who are more emotionally nurturing.  ⚄ Mercurial, Uranian, and lil bit of Jupitarian energy. I’m talking directly to you Virgo, Gemini, Aquarius, and Pisces placements. I call you out with love of course. This is my sidereal big 3 after all<3 ⚄ The star is a very hopeful card, filled with excitement and abundance. You are driving on the road to your destiny. There are only a few seats left in the car, choose wisely. ⚄ Advice: Have faith in your intuition and discernment. I say this in every pac lmao. You’re definitely on the right path (you’re leading up to the star), but this transitioning period is going to be uncomfortable because you are leaving connections behind. When we exit our comfort zones and leave people, we tend to gaslight ourselves and downplay the situation or allow fear to derail our judgment. You are too close to your dreams to let old connections hold you back. You have a deep knowing that these connections will not survive the ride to the top, listen to your intuition and let go of what is no longer serving you. Be selfish if need be.

I only bark once.

♦︎ Pile Two ♦︎ (temperance, the magician, the hermit, knight of swords)

⚄ I felt a puff of air in my left eye. The left side of the body is traditionally associated with the intuitive and receptive feminine. You are in a waiting period right now and are receiving intuitive downloads and messages. Your connection to the metaphysical is strengthening. Be inquisitive at this time and assess your life in a higher light, you are being blessed with the ability to see the hidden and the unforeseen.  The synchronicities you are seeing right now are not a coincidence. (Extra confirmation if you’re seeing repetitive 3’s, 5’s, 8’s, triangles, stars, and the infinity symbol)

⚄ Lmfao I was planning on only pulling three cards but the life you’re sowing right now is HUGE. 3 major arcanas back to back and then a court card?? You are being prepped for a whirlwind of adventure. You’re in your own world fucking COOKING.

⚄ The slow period you’re in is forcing you to build a foundation of balance, patience, and introspection. Boring. I know. But it is crucial to your development. I said it best in my last pac so i’ll say it again here, Whatever you build in this lifetime will be built slowly and have a solid foundation because your legacy is meant to withstand the test of time and last long after you leave this Earth. This period you’ve spent waiting is you getting your ducks in a row and sowing your seeds for the next evolution of you.

⚄ Shoutout to my Pisceans and Saturnians. If you have resonated with this so far, definitely go check out pile 4 of my ✩Glow Up✩ pac because there are a lot of gems in there for you.

⚄ You are creating your future reality in this introspective period. I feel for a lot of you, your self-work is centered around deconstructing the old perception of yourself and building your identity up from scratch. You are either beginning, in the heat of, or ending a long period of self-discovery and establishing your self-esteem.

⚄ With the knight of swords at the end of the spread, you are approaching the end of the tunnel with renewed vigor and resolute faith in your capabilities. I’m seeing your life in reference to that religious story, (Lord forgive me, I am telling it wrong and forgot the details 😭) where the man gets locked in a cave and starved, expected to either be dead or too feeble by the time his sentence is over. Instead, he comes out stronger than ever and with twice the unwavering spirit he had before his time in the cave.

⚄ This is what’s happening to you, you are finding inner strength and willpower that is going to propel you forward in your destiny. And you will not fail. It’s not even possible, the resolve you’ve built for yourself will carry you faithfully through all the bullshit life will throw at you.

⚄ Advice: None. You got this in the bag,just remember that you only lose battles when you retreat. The energy you’re cultivating for your near future is the knight of swords, a character who will never retreat. Therefore, you will never truly lose.

"I was born underwater with three dollars and six dimes"

♦︎ Pile Three ♦︎ (9oS, the hanged man, 6oS, 10oW)

⚄ Off the bat, you need to surrender any hangups you have surrounding your future. I picture your mind running 24/7 telling you all the ways you’ll fail as you work tirelessly. Or, you want so desperately to put your plans into action, but a buried subconscious fear prevents you from moving forward, adding more stress on your shoulders. It is weighing heavy on your mental health and causing severe anxiety that is inhibiting you from much-needed rest and healing. This is the season of surrender, it’s okay to let go and let the current wash you away. As soon as you release your fear of making mistakes, you’ll learn the flow of the waves.

⚄ Two of pentacles is at the bottom of the deck, I feel your stress stems from a fear of financial insecurity and the overwhelming pressure of having to plan a sustainable career yourself. A lot of your priorities in life are demanding your attention and it is becoming a heavy burden.

⚄ I am going to be blunt because I care. You gotta stop giving a fuck. Your anxieties are paralyzing you. You need to sip a little metaphorical “fuck it” juice. I am just now getting out of the mental space you’re in. The only thing that helped me step out of my fear-induced paralysis (which lasted a long and dark 6-years), was to reaffirm that no matter what decision I make, I will come out prosperous. In fact, the more you stress about the future and the more control you try to take, the further you push your desires away, which will only fuel your anxiety bugs.

⚄ Have faith that no matter where you land, you have the power to turn any less-than-ideal situation into something bountiful. The bird does not fear the branch breaking because it has faith in its wings. Not making a choice at all is worse than picking the wrong one. You’ll win some, you’ll lose some, all situations bear fruit, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. This too shall pass.

⚄ Advice: I know it is easier said than done, but ground yourself in the present. Release yourself from the worries of the future and the nightmares of the past. Stop stressing about upcoming due dates while you eat and stop reaming yourself for past mistakes while you’re out with friends. Tune yourself into what is happening before your very eyes.  Turn your brain off and mindlessly do something. Anything that brings your attention to the present. Don’t even worry about being productive. Watch tv, color, dance, cook, anything but sitting and stressing. This sounds crazy to say in today’s work culture but trust me, stressing about being productive or pushing yourself to “grind” will be your downfall. Your body needs to regulate. With the six of swords, you have to make the conscious decision to walk away (stop stressing and allow the situation to run its course) from what is mentally plaguing you. These are the seeds you’re sowing, you are on the path of releasing your burdens. I’m proud, we can do this!

"Mom, Meet Mary Jane the Milf!"

(representative of the whole relax message in your pile. i had fun making the board, this is not an endorsement.)

♦︎ Pile Four ♦︎ (6oS, king of pentacles, 7oP, 5op)

⚄ Cards went a lil buckwild here. There are a lot of pentacles in this spread, I feel like you are dissolving a lack mindset. What you desire and your perspective of success is evolving. You are stepping out of a false idea of wealth. You might have had a habit of undermining the talents and resources you have and comparing them to what others have.

⚄ This is my doomscroll pile. My silly little rotters. Looking at people with nice things and thinking why can’t I have that? Looking at attractive people and going I’ll never be as pretty as them, I am cursed with these looks. Looking at people who showcase their talents and saying, oh I could never do that, they’re so much better than me.

⚄ You are realizing just how harmful these thoughts have been to you. You had curated a mindset that would have you look at people and then immediately place yourself as inferior to them in some way. This shapes a reality where you feel constantly inadequate, thus always in need of something. This constant feeling of need prevents you from seeing the resources you already have within and building off of those.

⚄ Congratulations, you are stepping away from that lack energy. You’re beginning to see the value in yourself and redefining what it means to be prosperous. Now it's, Oooo, that girl looks so cool playing the bass, this encourages me, I bet I could learn an instrument too. Instead of, “Oh look, another person doing something with their life while I sit here and rot. What is wrong with me, why can’t I be as cool as them.”

⚄ Do you see how the latter self-talk is just draining the life out of you? It sets you up for failure before you can even try. 

⚄ When I say a false idea of wealth, I mean the superficial things you believed would bring you fulfillment. When you were in that dark space, you looked at pretty girls and believed that if you looked like them or got the attention they got, you would finally be happy. Now, you’re on a journey of discovering things more sincere to your identity to find fulfillment in.

⚄ You are discovering your interests, hobbies, etc. Anything that boosts your self-esteem and gives you a sense of value. You are about to fall in love with yourself and all the endless capability of creation you hold.

⚄ Advice: Comparison is the thief of joy. Unfortunately, with social media, every day is a pissing contest about who can have the most and be the best. I’d bet money that the most attractive, smartest, and most talented person you know is sizing up the person next to them and getting a false sense of satisfaction or self-hate. Don’t fall into that. Break the societal cycle and look inward for satisfaction. Compete with yourself. Be the only person you are trying to impress.

There is beauty in my unraveling

Let me know what piles you pick!

[beifong-brainrot]

Katara and the fear of loss (aka why she waited)

I think one aspect of Katara's storyline I don't see explored nearly enough the fact that she is terrified of losing others, especially those whom she cares for. This makes sense, especially looking to her background, how the death of her mother affected her and the fact that war has been a very large part of her life since she was a small child. Not to mention, she is actively a huge part of said war, along with her brother and friends, at the tender age of 14.

Now, some of you may ask "quill what the hell does Aang have to do with Katara's mother?"

Yes, on the surface, there isn't that much connecting Katara's dead, grown ass mother to Katara's alive 12 year old goofball bf but the parallels between Kya and Aang are planted even at the beginning of the show, in the first few episodes.

When Zuko and the Fire Nation attack the Southern Watertribe, they are looking for Aang, the last airbender, not dissimilar to the Southern Raiders looking for the last Southern waterbender. Furthermore, both Kya and Aang willingly give themselves up to the Fire Nation in order to protect the village, particularly Katara.

Throughout the show, we see Katara's interest and endearment towards Aang grow, and we see them create a genuine friendship. But I'd argue that Aang being the Avatar is, to some degree, a problem to their relationship. Aang's duty as the Avatar, and the risks and decisions he is faced with due to it, often create a rift between him and Katara.

Be it due to Aang's responsibilities leading him to make decisions she doesn't agree with, like in the Avatar State, where Aang feels the pressure to force the Avatar State due to the suffering of the soldiers he feels responsible for.

Or, more poignantly, in the Awakening, where Aang is once again compared to one of the parents Katara lost due to the war, though Hakoda's 'loss' was not due to death, but a need to fight. I think this also shows how much Katara values Aang not just as the Avatar, but as a person.

Katara: Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone, that it's all his responsibility. Hakoda : Maybe that's his way of being brave. Katara: It's not brave; it's selfish and stupid! We could be helping him, and I know the world needs him, but doesn't he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind? Hakoda : You're talking about me too, aren't you?

This is twice Aang has been directly paralleled to one of Katara's parents, whose repsective losses have clearly affected her greatly. This is also extremely poignant, since we've been explicitly told that Aang's love for his own lost family, the Air Nomads, was reborn into Katara. For Aang and Katara, the ways they deal with their losses influences how they pursue each other romantically.

Of course, there's also the ✨️ immediate threat of death and physical injury✨️. Aang and the rest of the Gaang, but particularly Aang is constantly being chased and tracked and endangered by the Fire Nation and he is meant to face the Firelord and defeat him. There are a lot of possibilities for something to go horrifically wrong here.

From Aang being half dead when Katara found him, then almost immediately getting kidnapped by the prince of the goddamn Fire Nation, to almost every villain of the week shenanigan, Katara already has good reason to worry for Aang.

But then the reach Ba Sing Se and things get even worse. Jet, Katara's only other canonically confirmed love interest dies, and Katara is helpless to do anything about it. This is already enough to make someone reconsider future romantic endeavours, but surely it can't get any worse, right?

Oh yeah, Aang FUCKING DIES

He gets blasted in the back with lighting, right as he enters the avatar state, right before Katara's eyes. The saviour of the world, but more importantly, her dear friend, brutally cut down before her very eyes. And Katara, a child, is the only person with even a sliver of hope of bringing him back.

So is it really any surprise that Katara, having experienced loss before multiple times over, and almosf having lost Aang himself, would be hesitant to enter a romantic relationship with someone being actively hunted by the greatest military in the world, someone obligated to take on the leader of said military?

Katara is afraid. She's afraid of opening her heart up to loving Aang and then losing him after that. This is the main reason why she hesitates in initiating her and Aang's relationship. Whenever Aang tries to brooch the subject, she brings up the war and the Firelord, but due to being a child, she struggles in communicating her exact feelings, which leaves Aang confused and of kilter. Katara often gives Aang romantic attention, and clearly feels rather possessive of him, however, she is not ready to enter a romantic relationship due to the threat of the war looming above their heads. But due to being 14, she doesn't know how to explain these feelings, which is what leads to the minor conflict between her and Aang. Because, you know, they're both children in a situation that children aren't built to deal with.

Katara : Aang, I don't know. Aang: Why don't you know? Katara : Because, we're in the middle of a war, and, we have other things to worry about. This isn't the right time.

It's important to note that Aang isn't exactly a bad person for wanting this relationship to be made tangible. He does push boundaries, and kissing Katara without her consent in the Ember Island episode is obviously a horrendous misstep (which he acknowledged), but I think you can at least understand his motives. He may soon die, after all, and he wants to love Katara and wants to express that love before he possibly loses his entire goddamn life. I think this can also be traced back to how Aang deals with the genocide of the Air Nomads and vs how Katara deals with the death of her mother.

Aang certainly blames himself for the death of the Air Nomads, although this guilt is unfounded. Perhaps part of him believes that if he'd just stayed with them, spent a little more time with Gyatso, he could've helped them. It wouldn't be a leap to imagine that Aang wanting to spend more time with those he loves, including Katara is a coping mechanism surrpunding that loss.

Now juxtapose this to Katara, who's entire encounter with Yon Rha is permeated by helplessness and fear, an 8 year old Katara being unable to do anything but run away and try to get help, sadly not in time for Kya to survive. So Katara trying to assert some control over her relationships, maintaining a certain distance to Aang while the war that robbed her of her mother is still in full swing isn't an improbable concept. She's trying to not feel that helplessness again.

(Katara probably blames herself for her mother's death too, but it has less to do with Katara's actions and more to fo with what Katara was; a waterbender, something she hasno bearing on)

This is why she initiates the kiss with Aang at the end of the show. Not because she feels the need to give in to his advances due to him being the hero of the world. Not because she's caving to his insistence or because she's pressured. But because the possibility of Aang getting fucking murked by glorified pyromancers are significantly lower than they were during the war.

This is not a 'taking one for the team bcs I feel like I have to due to Aang saving the world' type of smooch. This is a 'finally I feel safe to express my feelings' type of smooch.

To be completely honest, I don't like how Kataang was handled post day of black sun, I think it was an unnecessary addition of a redundant "will they, won't they?" aspect to the relationship. Teasing Zutara in the last few episodes was also just unnecessary, because it was obviously never a viable endgame relationship and it only served to give kid zutara shippers false hope. This is especially fucked up looking at how the same zutara fans were later mocked by the creators, which, no matter what you think if the ship, is a horrible thing to do to a bunch of teenage girls and I think has contributed to those teenage girls growing into bitter, aggressive adult zutara shippers.

But, as much as I dislike this storyline, it does make sense for Katara's character and is an interesting and touching 'silent arc' for her to have. We often see characters fall in love in the midst of a conflict, but we aren't always shown how that conflict would affect the way they look at their relationship, so I appreciate this storyline for what it was.

[anika-ann]

Precious Night, Holy Night - S.R.

Type: one-shot, establishished relationship, Christmas-themed

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word Count: 3,8k

Summary: The space is drowned in shadows, the night having fallen longs hours ago, the only source of glow being the Christmas lights and you, somewhere in the depths of Steve’s sanctuary. At least, that is what he hopes for.

His watch buzzes lightly, reporting that yet another hour he spent away has blended into the next one; and without checking, he knows it’s even worse. Not another hour – another day. Christmas Day.

He left you alone for one of the most special nights of the year.

Warnings: : light angst with hurt and comfort, light issues of self-worth (hello Stevie my dear), mentions of blood and injuries and injury-related pain (not reader), a bit of swearing, Steve being an angsty sap in love (totally a warning)

A/N: Inspired by a lovely song by Janek Ledecký – loosely translated lyrics through the text can be skipped of course. (If you’d like a listen, it’s here; what I adore most about it is the simplicity. No serenades, no extraordinary notes to hit, nothing, he doesn’t even pronounce properly at times – just an ordinary man professing his love, much like I feel Steve would). Divider by @saradika-graphics Enjoy and belated Happy Holidays 💕

Stepping into the apartment feels like the strangest dream; a dream that despite the soft warmth of his home feels fragile to touch, exposed to the cold coil of anxiety.

The space is drowned in shadows, the night having fallen longs hours ago, the only source of glow being the Christmas lights and you, somewhere in the depths of Steve’s sanctuary. At least, that is what he hopes for.

Hope always is a fragile thing, an antithesis to the solidity of fear; and as he closes the door as quietly as he can with one arm in a sling, he wonders whose fear is more suffocating. Yours, that one day, he won’t walk through that door after one of his many missions; or his, that one day, the figurative goblet of patience of yours will overflow and he will come back here only to find the space screaming with emptiness.

He knows the answer, objectively. But the heart and the head are not always in agreement; and he’s a lot more selfish that people seem to think.

His watch buzzes lightly, reporting that yet another hour he spent away has blended into the next one; and without checking, he knows it’s even worse. Not another hour – another day. Christmas Day.

He left you alone for one of the most special nights of the year.

You sleep, the clocks strike a late hour midnight is creeping step by step and behind it, Christmas

The clocks strike, like a cry for help as I await the longest night so that I could turn and look back

The pendulum cuts heavy through the air the vicious circle slowly closing – an anxious feeling drawing claws

There are moments like these when guilt bites heavy and sharp into his gut, his chest full of an ice-cold selfish fear. And he might know that you, staying behind and hoping he comes back alive, have it so much harder than him; but how could he ignore the obvious fact that you are a blessing that his own actions might chase away eventually? A blessing he never wants to let go and guards it with his life?

It is just that the very life sometimes gets in his way. The world does too; the goddamn world he too swore to protect and cannot ignore, because it is a world he lives in and so do you, and he’s saving it for its own sake, as well as his and yours.

And he cannot stay back, cannot merely bear witness from afar. He never could.

That was how he got into the whole mess of waking up seventy years into the future in the first place; that is how he was taken by the all-consuming storm of loving you so much the feeling alone makes it hard to breathe.

Sliding the strap of is shield casing off his shoulder, shrugging off the coat half-draped over his back, he cranes his neck a bit, feeling the stiffness; he nearly dozed off in the car, the heavy coil of dread as well as the giddy excitement of coming home barely keeping him awake. For once, he was grateful for Tony’s flare of dramatics and luxury and private drivers – driving in his state would not be wise, even as Steve would probably handle it despite his exhaustion. The problem was the snowstorm. And yet, even for that, he was grateful; as he walked home, the wind and the sharp snowflakes cut into his cheeks, prickling in his eyes, the sensation jolting him awake.

A little punishment for needing to be a hero; a little punishment for leaving you to be exactly that.

He shakes the melting snowflakes from his hair, ignoring the waves of ache in his left arm crashing down his forearm, then runs his unharmed hand through the wet locks. A few tips almost frosted over, now already giving way to the warmth of the space.

Taking off his boots too, Steve sighs, gulping against the lump that has grown in his throat, and steps further into the apartment, an anxious hope thrumming in his bruised ribcage.

Halfway through the strangest of nights you sleep, on your lips an absent smile – and I’m so afraid I don’t deserve to be so lucky – you dream, and on your lips a whisper: my love

Listening intently over the thunderous pulse in his temples, his shoulders slump suddenly, another tug of pain in his flesh; but by god, he is happy to have the pain ground him in the moment of reality, for it truly feels like a dream.

Your slow, regular breaths.

For the smell of Christmas and all the visual clues – from the decorations, the lights, the plate of gingerbreads you had baked together just before he left, down to your shoes and coats – it was the sounds of your peaceful sleep that undeniably proved your presence with finality. And soothed him.

He truly was coming home. And despite the mission not being a light one, despite his arm being broken in two places, despite the mission lasting way too long to his liking and happening with the worst possible timing – this is the thing that makes his eyes sting with tears.

This and the awfully sharp memory of him leaving, having got the call between decorating gingerbreads of the most ridiculous work-related shapes and preparing dough for Christmas cookies.

It’s so vivid in his mind, the image etched into his brain and bones. Your bright smile slipped, the gorgeous light in your eyes dimming, giving way to resignation and bravery. The mirage of joy dissipated in front of Steve like the steam from above the cups of hot chocolate he had prepared for you two to enjoy, his hands as if reaching out to hold onto it and only grasping air.

“Sweetheart-“

“I know, Steve,” you said, already moving to the sink to wash your hands, hiding your face away from him and tearing his heart in half not with the crack of emotion in your voice, but with the clear effort to mask it.

How he wished you’d screamed at him instead, mad and teary; because a wild emotion like anger meant people cared.

And that was his greatest fear, wasn’t it? That one of those days, you wouldn’t even care anymore.

You wouldn’t care whether he was with you; you wouldn’t care if he came back, because you’d be long gone. How many times had he cancelled dates, called off trips? How many times had he broken promises, only just a little, because he tries not to promise the impossible?

How he did wish he was capable of impossible, just for you. But he couldn’t.

How many times would finally be too many…?

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I-“

“Steve. It’s okay. I get it,” you said, turning to him at last. The glimmer of tears in your eyes – waking sensation in his chest awfully reminding him of the one time he had had a punctured lung – showed him just how wrong he had been.

No, he’d rather you didn’t care at all, that you didn’t hurt like this for him. Or did he? He was not quite sure.

But he sure knew that being the reason for your tears, even if kept at bay, was like an eagle’s claws sinking into his chest and pullingand pulling until it seemed it couldn’t even hurt anymore, but it did. Every damn second.

But you held your head so high, gaze shakingly latched onto his to prove he did not have to worry, because you understood his sense of duty; he did not have to worry, because that was what you agreed to deal with when letting him put an engagement ring on your finger with happy tears and a string of the sweetest yes, yes, yes-- that he did not have to worry at all, or not much at least; and that worried him all the more.

He’d pull a miracle if he could, he would, just to see you smile again, just to--- anything. But he could not ignore this, he could not ignore people needing his help, that was what he was born and made into to do, after all; but so was loving you. He wasn’t sure if he believed in fate, but there had to be a special kind of higher purpose in finding you after all the years of loneliness and yearning for someone just like you; you were made for each other, star-crossed lovers battling odds of being born seven decades apart. He must have been destined to meet you; destined to love you.

And now he was disappointing you, again.

How long until you’d stop believing that this was love?

How long until you’d move on to someone was here, always, because that was what your tender heart deserved?

No. Steve would pull a miracle, he had to, just to keep you smiling; just to keep you. A week had to be enough. No, to hell with a week, he’d be done in three days just to make it home in time-

“I’ll try my damnest to be home for Christmas, I promise-“

You shook your head gingerly, eyes turning warmer despite its wet glimmer, your smile a little wobbly – but oh so brave – as you reached out to cradle his face in your palms.

They smelled like gingerbreads and sugar and gentleness he wasn’t quite worthy of.

“Don’t, Steve…” you whispered, his heart dropping to his feet, an icy shiver cutting through his spine. “I… I don’t need you to promise that.”

“What can I do, then? What do you need?” he pleaded, the desperation at missing your Christmas, again, creeping into his voice so acutely he felt he might have shrunk several inches, all the way back to the times before the serum, a too little man, a fierce fighter who’d throw fists with determination much greater than his actual power.

Fighting; but oh so vainly.

Please, just let me fix this--- for you, for us. I have to go, I really do, but I’ll do anything to make up for not being here-

Your smile was a little broken by the edges, like one of those sculptures of angels, weeping for humanity and loving it all the same.

“What I always do, love. For you to come home in one piece and try your damnest to do so,” you echoed his words, your slightly hoarse voice growing stronger at the curse; and so did the steel of determination in his gaze in response.

Because he’d be damned before disappointing you that profoundly. He was always going to tear the world apart to get back to you.

“That I promise.”

That I can do. Always.

“Good,” you breathed.

You stood up on your tiptoes then, bringing your lips to his, pouring love and courage and fears he was too aware of into the kiss, much like wordlessly speaking your plea.

Come home. Come home to me in one piece.

And he would. Oh he would.

‘If we can’t cancel the stream of time,’ you said ‘then I only wish for one thing – for you to never leave me’ ‘alone, I’m a sailboat without wind’ And your lower lip wobbled, soft so I held you, with a vow to try my best

Following the sound of your breathing on instinct, Steve’s own hitches in his lungs, his steps ceasing far away from the bedroom. Instead, his gaze finds you laid on the couch with a view of the tree, sleeping soundly, a fluffy blanket draped over your form; and Steve’s heart aches, along with his neck, as if with sympathy for yours.

You admitted it before, under soft duress, that you sometimes struggled to sleep in the empty bed; you even joked that with how large Steve was, it truly was practically empty, your laugh a little shaky. As shaky as Steve’s legs now felt, the weakness having little to do with the exhaustion of the mission draping over him and everything to do with finding you home, losing sleep without him.

Bucky joked that maybe they should just lie under the tree once they get home, for their dolls to find them in the morning, like the greatest gift to unwrap at Christmas: because they made it home and made it in time.

Steve would argue with the latter; and about the former too. With how the couch was situated, made so you and Steve could rest, bodies half-tangled and your head on his chest, it is that you are now positioned like the greatest gift there could ever be.

And you are.

With your profile illuminated by the soft glow of Christmas lights, Steve is drawn to you like a believer witnessing an icon come to life; a miracle. You, still home, still awaiting him. As your hand fists the comforter, hands almost to your lips, your neck is exposed and so is the hem of Steve’s old shirt you chose as your attire along with a pair of too-long sweats peeking from under the blanket; his again.

Not just awaiting then; missing him. Caring.

His heart swells, the suffocating anxiety slowly giving way to something much more tender.

He steps closer, crouching in front of the couch, eyes feasting on the holy image, tempting to his touch. He does not want to rouse your sleep and yet, he swears he might die if he didn’t touch you this very second, didn’t see your smile upon seeing him home again – and as late as he is, still in somewhat in time.

Home for Christmas – hasn’t he said so?

He’d have run barefoot through the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn had the traffic frozen on the frozen streets, just to make it home to you. He’s glad he didn’t have to do that – but he would. After all, what is a little frostbite if you’d kiss him once he got home? Your lips could melt away the Arctic itself, your embrace a safe haven on the raging seas; he’d take another decade in ice if it meant meeting you. It if meant being loved by you.

Halfway through the strangest of nights you sleep, on your lips an absent smile – and I’m so afraid I don’t deserve to be so lucky – you dream, and on your lips a whisper: my love

As his gaze roams, he notices the light salty traces on your cheeks; ribcage rattled all over again, guilt gnaws at his stomach. You aren’t crying in your sleep, but at some point, you have cried. And it could have just been a sad song, or one of those cheesy but still touching Christmas movies, but his conscience knows better.

You have cried for him.

Worse yet, maybe you have cried because of him.

Hand twitching to sooth the pain already gone, he closes it into a fist instead; he would only be soothing himself, easing his guilt. You have cried and he hasn’t been there – whether that was correlation or causality didn’t matter. It was done. He shouldn’t disturb you. He’ll grab a little snack and sleep off the mission and start making up for his sins in the morning.

Glancing towards the kitchen area, he sighs quietly, gritting his teeth to stand without a hiss of pain.

“Steve…”

He freezes mid-motion, eyes snapping to your face again; a faint smile on your lips, your fingers flex around the comforter again.

In an instant, Steve snaps into preparing for explanations, apologies, his mind a whirlwind of whats and whys and sorries—

And then he realizes you are still asleep.

The soft waves of affection washing over him as he hears his name fall from your lips again nearly suffocate him all over again, the most pleasant weight settling in his heart.

And an uncontrollable urge. You have cried for him; but now, you are dreaming of him and there are no fresh tears; not in your eyes anyway. His fingers twitch again; no more worthy or justified than before, but with painful numbness which can only be erased by finally touching you.

He reaches out carefully, the pads of his fingers laid tenderly over your knuckles.

Due to all my missteps and fails should’ve been long out of the door

So now I whisper into your hair that you won’t get rid of me that easy

You all but stir minutely, a sweet frown to your brow, your breath remaining steady; Steve’s inner turmoil might not be resolved, but is eased enough as not to disturb you further. This is just enough; just enough to keep him sated and exactly as much as he deserves, not more, he thinks, mind set.

His fingers have a mind of their own however, guided by his heart.

The lightest brush over your hair, over the arche of your eyebrow, over the slope of your nose, over your soft cheek and the gentle line of your jaw, his fingers stopping but a breath from your parted lips. He commits your features to memory, revisiting a piece of art he knew by heart but would always reveal something new to him in its timeless beauty.

The brief discontent rumbling from within your throat and your body curling onto itself brings a smile to Steve’s lips as the memory of many mornings – those where he got to wake you up softly, himself already an hour or two ahead for the day – flashing through his mind, his fingers inching further, your breath tickling his skin before he dares to touch your lips.

And then, slow blinks, a sleepy gaze and pursed lips, curling up in a breathtaking smile.

Steve’s heart skips a startled beat, caught red-handed; but he’d commit the crime all over again, because you’re smiling.

The first time, the second time, every time he sees it; his breath hitches again, his ribs crying out; but he could die a happy man right there – maybe only if you kissed him.

You cover his hand resting on your cheek with yours, pressing a quick kiss to his palm, melting all his doubt away.

This. This spark of joy and relief, scrambling to sit up even as you slightly sway because he’s woken you up from a deep slumber, your eyes roaming his figure, taking count of his injuries, checking if he is indeed home in one piece.

And Steve is counting too; his blessings. You are every single one of them, even as you sigh at the sight of the splint and the no doubt still spectacular bruise the shape of a fist over his right eye.

“Hi sweetheart,” he whispers before you can scold him, or say anything at all, his voice shaky, a traitorous tear escaping his eye at the all-consuming emotion etched into your gaze, your sweet features.

Your free hand moves to cradle his cheek carefully, so tenderly for the fear of pressing too hard and making it hurt that it does hurt him – in all the best ways. His eyes slip shut at the sensation, his aching ribcage so blissfully full of affection he might burst.

And it might as well, when he feels your warm breath fanning over his face, before your lips press gently to his forehead.

Halfway through the strangest of nights you sleep, on your lips an absent smile – and I’m so afraid I don’t deserve to be so lucky – and you dream

“Sweetheart,” he echoes, a creak in his voice he is not proud of – but he feels some of your hot tears join his and his hand slips to your waist, guiding you to slide down the couch to join him on the floor, to hold you close and he could weep forever – not because you brushed over his broken arm despite your best efforts, but because it feels like he can finally breathe again, your body pressed to his, bruised ribs or not.

“Did I not tell you to come home in one piece?” you scold him without malice, a wet laugh escaping his throat as he nuzzles your hair, his lips brushing over your temple, your cheek, breathing you in to overwhelm his senses with you until his lips finally, finally find yours, careful but just as eager as his.

And the kiss tastes so much sweeter than the retort forming in the back of his head about how he is in one piece; his bones might not be, but the soft tissues are and the serum and the fast intervention of the talented Avengers Initiative doctors made sure that even his bones are already mending.

Judging by the look in your eye when you retreat to gulp in some air, you heard that train of thought anyway, despite being but an ordinary, extraordinary human. You convey so much emotion in a single glance, let alone with such lingering look.

You look like you want to call him two halves of an idiot and maybe smack him for whatever stunt you knew he pulled, even if you don’t; you look grateful he is your whole idiot and he is still here for you to smack him. Or kiss him again. He’ll take either; as long as you care.

As long as you love him, just as he loves you.

“I got home for Christmas at least?” he offers, earning an exasperated grimace, once again displaying your dilemma.

You choose to kiss him again, softly, a silent involuntary whine escaping him as you let him angle your head to kiss you deeper and consume you whole, and this, if this isn’t heaven, if this isn’t the best Christmas gift ever, you curled around him in a ridiculous shape less than three feet from a Christmas tree, he’ll be doesn’t know what is.

He doesn’t care. He only cares that he has you.

Later, he’ll marvel at how you automatically move to take a turkey out of the freezer to prepare for a Christmas lunch instead of dinner, how you saved him a sandwich just in case, and how his gifts, so thoughtful, are wrapped for whenever he’d come home; how you give him a certain kind of look and caress his cheek and peck his lips when he weakly suggests that you don’t and didn’t have to do any of that, but you never listen.

How your every action is a testimony to how you do not care about when you celebrate Christmas, only that it’s with him.

But for now, he has everything he wants and needs and could ever wish for. It still feels like he wished for too much, more than he’d deserve; but today, he can. It is Christmas, after all, and you are his everyday miracle, his greatest gift.

And for all the greatest gift he gets, he will work for hard every day – and he will cherish it and protect and adore no matter the time of year, keeping the most important promise he ever gave you.

He will always come home; and he will always, always love you.

I swear to you, I don’t always make it easy I swear to you, you won’t get rid of me that easy I swear to you, I’m never gonna leave you I swear to you – and you sleep, unaware my love

Complete masterlist

Steve Rogers masterlist

Thank you if you gave this a read, even post the main Christmas time ✨ If you find a minute, feedback is life 💕

May the end of the year be kind to you ✨

[nightlyrequiem]

Hiii, so I have a request, would it be possible to make a story where Valeria is the evil queen in her kingdom but her fiancée is the sweetest person in the kingdom? Also I love your work, keep it up, kisses, kisses ❤️💋

Hiii!

Before I even started writing fanfiction for Valeria, I wanted to write something like a royal/regency AU! I never got around to it because I never knew what to do. This was fun and definitely more challenging then what I usually do thanks :3

Also thank you lots XX

Tags/Warnings: WLW, Royal!AU, Implied Time Period Misogyny (But Not A Lot.), Implied Time Period Homophobia (Barely), Wedding

Blue Blooded

Valeria is as cold and cruel as the unforgiving north. She's led her own army to many different battles over the course of her twenty-year reign. Uncommon for rulers and even less common for women. She caused quite the stir, many believing women were too delicate and weak for war. Valeria's name quickly became known and feared. Reina de la Muerte. She leaves a trail of bodies wherever she goes. The treatment of her servants is poor, and the treatment of her subjects is worse. She rejoices in the fear induces.

One of the duties of a ruler is to produce an heir. Her advisors have been pestering her about finding a husband since she was coronated at seventeen. Something they quickly learned to stop doing. Her patience for men has always been low. Not once has she ever looked at one and felt any sort of connection. Valeria knew it was likely that she never would. Not when she only felt something when looking at another woman. 

You were nothing more than a peasant. With a family who owned a failing farm. Cruelty breeds cruelty. Valeria's subjects have been forced into selfishness to survive. There's very little room for empathy when you're one day of work away from starvation. And yet, there you were. Dancing and laughing with a pack of filthy children. Despite the dullness to your skin and hair, you almost seemed to glow. Like there was a light inside of you strong enough to dispel the darkness Valeria had cast over the land. You were the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. It wasn't a one-time moment. Valeria had never noticed you before but one she did it's like she couldn't ever not see you. Using what little precious coins you have to buy food for the erratic beggar. Offering casual conversation to the local hag. Showing love to the mange-ridden strays prowling the cobble streets.

when Valeria was fourteen, her father had tried to set her up with princes of neighboring kingdoms. A political move to bring peace and potential allyship. Valeria fought tooth and nail. Refusing to even meet with the men. How she hated these traditions. Why should anyone but her decide who she marries? And yet, she found herself darkening your doorstep, nonetheless. Armed guards at her back. Your home was hardly more than a shack. Thatch roof coming loose at the ends and the smell of rot in the wood. The soil on your land was barren. Only cacti and weeds able to grow. A few sickly chickens ran loose around. Your father had answered the door, eyes yellowed from having one too many a drink. Asking for your hand in marriage was met with little resistance. His only trifle being that you were both women. Even that trepidation of course, was only told to her through his body language. Only the most stupidest of people would be willing to challenge the wants of Valeria. 

Though with her reputation and promises of a handsome dowry... it didn't take long to get his agreement. Not that it would have mattered. Valeria would have burned down your little farm down and taken you anyway.

The night sky is clear. A dark, inky, endless void. An infinity of stars stretches across its expanse. It's only a week until your wedding and with every day Valeria spends you, she only becomes more enamored. Valeria gently grasps your left hand and presses a kiss to your knuckles. There is no escort to keep watch over you two in the castle gardens. Just another rule and tradition Valeria has stomped on and discarded like nothing.

"You look lovely in the moonlight." She murmurs. you blink and look away nervously. You're as timid as a wood mouse. Something that both endears and irritates Valeria. She wants you to be comfortable. To bare your teeth in an uncontrolled smile, she longs to know what your laugh sounds like. 

"Thank you."

She sighs. Lowering her hand and yours into her lap. Her thumb brushes over the back of your hand.

"Tell me how you feel about the wedding." She says.

"I am looking forward to it." You reply politely. A cool breeze blows through the area, disturbing her dark hair.

"No," Valeria shakes her head. "be honest with me. Tell me how you feel about the wedding." She demands softly.

Valeria watches you hesitate, trying to decipher if this is a trap or not. That you'll suffer harsh consequences for your honesty. Valeria isn't playing mind games with you, nor will she punish you. There is no wrong answer. Just a lovestruck woman desperate to know her fiancée's true feelings.

"I'm... anxious." You admit, not looking at her. Your free hand picks up a stray leaf, moving your thumb over the lines and groves.

"And me? What are your feelings around me?" She asks quietly. Valeria is no fool. She knows you don't really love her yet. That you're wary of her.

"... I'm not sure how I feel about you." You sigh. Letting go of the leaf. It flutters to the ground. You raise your gaze and meet her eyes. "When I came home, and my father told me of my betrothment to you I cried. You are cruel and unjust."

All things true, Valeria knows. She even prides herself on it, but hearing you say it doesn't make her feel as good about it. Your eyes dart across her face, searching for any sign of anger. When you find none, you continue.

"I thought I may faint when you asked to meet for the first time. I was dreading it." You murmur. "But then you weren't like anything I expected."

"I am exactly like how you expected." She counters gently. Giving your hand a small squeeze. "I am mean, and selfish, and bad. Everything said about me is true and I regret nothing. But I promise you this, I will be none of those things to you."

Your eyes seem to dim in disappointment. You had assumed that perhaps she was misunderstood. Valeria hates to disappointment you, but she won't hide what she is. A monster in royal robes.

"Oh." 

"You're as precious as the crown." Valeria whispers. "An angel in the flesh. It's rare to meet someone not turned bitter by their circumstances. My - our - subjects will love you."

"But they don't love you." You reply. Frowning.

"I don't need their love, but they need yours." She sighs. She needs it too. Something that will soften her sharp edges.

Valeria sighs and leans towards you. Resting her forehead on your shoulder. For a second, she's a child again, not yet corrupted by her own cruelty. Like that inherit goodness inside of you is contagious.

Valeria seldom feels nervous, but waiting at the altar in her wedding gown, she can feel her palms growing clammy. Eyes are locked onto Valeria while she waits for her bride to be walked down the aisle. Subjects who silently disagree with how everything is progressing but hold no power to speak out. You and your father round the corner. Your extravagant white dress trailing behind you, an intricate lace veil hiding your face from view. The sight makes her heart swell. Your father walks you up to the altar and hands you off to Valeria. signifying the beginning of your new life.

Valeria takes your hands, catching the barest of glimpses of your face beneath the veil.

"We are gathered here today in the royal unification of these two individuals." The officiant begins. "Repeat these words after me before the lord, 'I promise to love you always, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to you until death.'" You and Valeria both repeat his words. Valeria with a little more enthusiasm. You two say your 'I do's'. "Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you... wife and... wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Without hesitation Valeria lifts your veil. Your eyes glint in the light. She grabs ahold of your face with all the gentleness she can muster and brings her lips to yours. Finally tasting you for the first time. Your lips are soft, moulding to hers with ease. The kiss is short lived, but it won't be the last. Valeria pulls away and smiles. Something small and genuine, reserved only for you. To her surprise, your lips twitch up ever so slightly. Returning that sweet smile for a moment. The public crowd rises and gives their reluctant cheers. A few sounding more genuine than the others. Perhaps hoping that your kind nature rubs off on her.

[ddongtsan]

More Obvious Than This, Only a Billboard - Kim Donghyun

Leehan x fem. reader

Note: It has nothing with the story, but I'm starting to get worried about Ihan's hair... He's been blond for a very long (and worrying) period.

Warning: Hidden dating, the reader is Jaehyun's sister, fluff.

Falling in love with Jaehyun’s sister had never been part of Leehan’s plans. He knew it could be problematic, especially considering how protective Jaehyun was of you.

But one night, one conversation, one smile, and he couldn’t resist.

They started dating in secret, and for a few weeks, everything seemed perfect. You were funny, smart, and made his heart race in a way no one else could.

However, the feeling that something was wrong began to arise during a casual conversation.

— Bro, my sister’s been going out a lot lately. Do you know anything? — Myungjae asked casually, while they were playing video games.

Donghyun almost lost control of the game but managed to cover it up.

— Hmm, I don’t know. She didn’t mention anything to me.

Jaehyun shrugged, unaware of the tension in Leehan’s response, but the phrase kept echoing in his mind.

If you hadn’t told him about them, was she really taking it seriously? Why hide something that, to him, was so special?

He realized, at that moment, that you had never mentioned anything to your brother.

After this, Leehan spent his days on an emotional rollercoaster.

With every message of yours, his heart raced faster; with every secret meeting, he felt more connected. But at the same time, there was a constant unease.

He didn’t know if he was being selfish by keeping it hidden, or if it was just fear of facing Jaehyun’s possible reaction.

Kim tried to push the thoughts away while hanging out with his friends, but Jaehyun's words from that afternoon kept echoing: "My sister’s been going out a lot lately..."

That night, lying in bed, he texted you:

— Do you think your brother knows anything?

You replied almost immediately:

— Of course not. He doesn’t suspect a thing.

The words should have reassured him, but instead, that bothered him more than he’d like to admit.

So instead of confronting you, he decided to take another route.

If you wanted to keep it a secret, he would make a point of testing the limits, getting closer to you in public and making it clear, through his actions, how much he liked you.

And the perfect opportunity came during the meeting Jaehyun had organized at his house.

As usual, the place was full of friends laughing, playing video games, and talking loudly. Leehan arrived determined to tease.

In the kitchen, he found you preparing drinks for the guests. You were so focused that you didn’t notice when he entered.

— Need help? — He asked, leaning against the counter beside you.

You turned around, surprised, but quickly masked it.

— No, I’ve got it under control.

He didn’t step back, on the contrary. He grabbed a glass from the tray, leaning in deliberately close to you.

— Are you sure? I don’t mind staying here... close to you.

You looked at him with an expression that was a mix of nervousness and amusement.

— Donghyun, go to the living room.

He laughed but didn’t move.

— What if I don’t want to?

You lightly pushed his shoulder, trying to move him away, but he just smiled, making it clear he wasn’t going to make it easy.

In the living room, he continued with the teasing.

When someone complimented the food you had made, he commented with a smile:

— She’s good at this. Always knows how to surprise us.

You, from the other side of the room, gave him a warning look, but he just raised his eyebrows, challenging you.

The peak came when Jaehyun suddenly asked:

— Ihan, you’ve been pretty excited lately. Got any news?

Kim gave an enigmatic smile, quickly glancing at you before answering:

— I think someone special has been making my days better.

The second he said that you froze in the place you were, feeling a few pairs of eyes turn toward you. The heat rushed to your face, and you tried to hide it by fiddling with your phone.

Meanwhile, Leehan seemed completely carefree, laughing with the others, as if nothing had happened.

You felt a mix of irritation and nervousness.

He was playing with fire, and you had no idea how to put the flames out.

Later, when you managed to get close to him discreetly, you whispered firmly:

— You’re crazy.

He gave you a provocative smile.

— Crazy for you, angel.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help a small smile from escaping.

.

When Jaehyun stepped out to take a call, you took the chance to pull him aside.

He was in the kitchen, helping himself to a piece of cake, when you appeared, visibly annoyed.

— What do you think you’re doing? — You asked, crossing your arms and staring at him.

He looked up, feigning innocence.

— Uh, talking to my friends ?

— Don’t play dumb, Kim Donghyun. You’ve been dropping hints all night! My brother was right there!

He gave a sly smile, leaning on the counter.

— So what? Why is that a problem?

You sighed, impatient.

— You know exactly why. Jaehyun can’t find out like this!

He raised an eyebrow.

— You mean... he can’t find out that you didn’t tell him?

You froze for a moment, surprised.

— How do you know I didn’t tell him?

— It wasn’t hard to figure out. — He shrugged. — If he knew, he wouldn’t have asked those questions.

You looked away, and he continued:

— Want to know the truth? This bothers me. I like you, a lot. But it seems like you’re trying to hide what we have.

You looked up at him, guilty.

— It’s not that...

— Then what is it? — He asked, his voice softer now.

You took a deep breath before answering:

— I like you, Hyunnie. A lot. But... Jaehyun’s always been so protective of me. I’m scared of how he’ll react, that he’ll make this a problem for you.

He took a step closer, holding your face with both hands.

— Listen, I don’t care what he says. I just need to know that you feel the same way about me.

You smiled, touching his hands.

— I do. So much. I promise I’ll tell him, I just need to find the right moment.

He sighed, relaxing.

— Alright. But you know, I’m not great with secrets.

You laughed, and he pulled you into a quick hug before you both returned to the living room.

.

Later when the meeting was over, the boys had to go back to the dormitory.

The boys' conversations and jokes continued on the way, but Donghyun, still thoughtful about everything that happened during the day, watched them from a little further away.

Jae, realizing his friend's condition, also decided to walk away with him, accompanying him in silence. However, not for long since even he couldn't handle the whole situation.

— Leehannie, you didn’t need to be dropping all those hints tonight.

The fake blond blinked, surprised.

— What?

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head.

— Dude, do you think I’m stupid? Everyone already noticed. Even blind people can see how much you two like each other.

Leehan went silent for a moment, trying to process what he had just heard. He took the chance to tease him even more:

— I was just waiting for the moment you two would explode and confess everything at once.

Kim let out a nervous laugh.

— So, you’re not mad?

Myung glanced at him sideways, as if sizing up a piece on a chessboard.

— Mad? Maybe a little. But I trust you. I wouldn’t have let it slide if I thought it was just a joke.

Donghyun sighed, feeling relief wash over him.

— I would never do that to her, hyung.

Jaehyun nodded, then after a moment of silence, threw in another teasing remark:

— But, look, if you ever hurt her, you’d better change countries, because I’ll hunt you down.

The boys in front of them laughed, but Leehan knew the leader was serious.