#of course there’s also the soul mates being kept apart story

[netherzon]

I want to write a soulmate au sometime. It’s one of my favorite tropes, personally, and I don’t remember there being that many of them for America/Germany

[sephirthoughts]

for the random character ask game: 3, 17, 19, 20, 31 with Nero?

3. This isn't obscure to anyone who sees all my ridiculous posts about the Vincent family, but I do HC Vincent Valentine as half Chinese, which makes his biological son Nero (and also Sephiroth) a quarter Chinese. I don't think he knows or cares, given his life up to this point, but it's a part of his heritage and part of what makes him so beautiful (in my multi-layer delusionverse at least).

17. So, Nero has two sides. One is a highly competent, cold-blooded sadist who has enough power and charisma to control those wily Tsviets in his brother's stead. But the side of him we all love is the real Nero. That seething, crawling, clinging, clawing, demanding, begging, bloodthirsty, no one can have you but me and I will tear apart anyone who would dare to hurt you or even anyone who looks at you for too long Nero, that loves and worships his brother to the point of actual madness. Weiss loves him back, and would never leave him, of course, but if he ever tried, I think we'd see the true depth of Nero's absolute obsession, even to the point of making his brother stay by his side if he has to.

I have a lot of songs for this, but the most spot-on I can think of at the moment are Rid of Me and Legs, from PJ Harvey's gorgeously psychotic 1993 album Rid of Me. Pretty much the whole album is Nero's shattered psyche talking to itself. Give it a listen, for real.

19. Nero can canonically make all kinds of things with his darkness, which includes people. So, when he's lost and alone, after the events of DoC and winds up stuck at his bio father's house being wardened by Sephiroth and isolating himself in his room, feeding into his own madness, the need to soothe himself would overpower his reason, and cause him to manifest fake versions of Weiss, interact with them, which will only make his grief and longing for the real Weiss worse, and also lead him to tear himself apart with shame and guilt about it, later [this will come up in his story and i already have a scene half written 💀].

guys making fake Weiss is nero's VICE I'M HILARIOUS SHUT UP

20. The worst ones are the horrible mutilations done to his back and shoulders, to implant the wings. The actual articulated wing pieces were heavily damaged and then lost during DoC, but the implanted mounts, to which they connect, can't be removed now without paralyzing him and leaving huge gaping holes in the muscle tissue, so they are still there. The wing mounts had to be spliced to his nerves so they would function, and that had to be done without anesthetic, to ensure the connections were made correctly. That means Nero's body was restrained and rendered immobile with mako-enhanced paralytics, while his mind was kept awake with stimulants, to endure a twenty-six hour surgery, in which the pain was so excruciating, it caused him to have a psychotic break, and to suffer permanent mental scars, as well as the physical ones on his body. Also he has a bunch from medical abuse, punitive torture, and combat.

31. Nero would like to officially state, for the record, that the Weiss the Immaculate fan blog on tumblr, all-hail-emperor-weiss, does not belong to him and that he has no association with it whatsoever, and if he gets one more anon ask, accusing him of being Weiss' crazy brother, he's going to fucking show you fucking internet nerds what crazy really means so everyone fuck off and go back to shitposting your Weiss headcanons so he can tell you why they're idiotic and wrong—er…so the blog owner, whoever they are, can tell you why they're idiotic and wrong. Except that one who said they HC Weiss and Nero as soul mates and a pair of mandarin ducks, who would be together in every universe. That person is excepted from the general fucking off.

[tomurasprincess]

Kinktober Day 24: Monster (The Asylum)

Day 24: Monster Title: The Asylum Pairing: Mothman Shigaraki x Reader Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: Noncon, monster mind control stuff, oviposition, cumflation, belly bulges, breeding, forced orgasms, some slight descriptions of gore and blood, yandere Note: The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum is a real place, although parts of what I wrote is fake, mostly the part where they close down a second time in the fic. IRL, they’re still open and doing tours. Tagging @ichor-and-symbiosis​ and @kazooli​ as two of the OG Mothura writers 👀

Sequel: The Brood

Kinktober Masterlist

You’ve always loved urban exploring, going to old mental asylums and hospitals to look around and see the decay of places that used to be so bustling with people. You especially liked the places that had tragic pasts, the ones where horrific things occurred. It sounds morbid to anyone you talk to about your interests, but it was the truth. You’ve always believed in monsters and ghosts just out of sight of humanity, lurking in the dark corners of abandoned places.

That’s why you instantly planned a trip to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum the second you heard about it. It had been abandoned years ago due to extreme abuse of patients. A historical society had moved in later, renovating the place and making a history tour of it that also did ghost tours at night.

But even they ended up abandoning the place due to the fake ghost tours apparently starting to become real ghost tours. People began to see creatures out of the corner of their eyes, something they said was much larger than a human, with wings on its back and piercing red eyes.

It was initially dismissed as overactive imaginations, people who wanted to see ghosts so badly that they were seeing things that weren’t there. Or people who just wanted to start tall tales  for attention and were flat out making things up in order to scare the rest of the group.

But then the disappearances started to happen. It was almost always young women who got separated from the tour group, although a few times it was a boyfriend and girlfriend who got lost together. The tour guides scoured every inch of the asylum looking for the missing people, but they found no trace of them. At first it was dismissed as the people getting scared and running off without telling anybody.

Until one day, a regularly scheduled tour group stumbled across the bodies. Not the bodies of the missing girls, but their partners. They were viciously torn apart, with limbs scattered all over the room. Their blood covered the walls, the floor, even the ceiling of the room. The women were alive but traumatized, rocking back and forth in a corner of the room absolutely covered in blood, none of which was their own.

They told the same tales that the rest of the people did. They were captured by a monster, around 8-9 feet tall, with large moth-like wings and red eyes. The creature was surprisingly gentle to them, they said, at least until they saw that they were with someone. The creature had become enraged, tearing their partner to pieces as they watched. They knew for certain that they would be next, their eyes squeezed tight as they waited for their death.

But the creature did nothing, simply turning away and leaving the room like they were not what the creature wanted.

Although everyone agreed that something horrible had happened to the young women, none of them believed their story. They had stayed in that room for several days, covered in the blood of their loved ones, not knowing if they were ever going to make it out. Of course they were traumatized, thinking they saw monsters. But monsters aren’t believed to exist, and so everyone began to look for a human murderer that was never found.

The asylum tried to recover from the tragedy, but it was never able to. The amount of bad press they got for having lax safety standards and not taking care of their tour groups caused everybody to stay away. Finally, having no other choice in the matter, the asylum had closed.

When you heard this story, you were over the moon excited. Not just a historical landmark, but also a place with a possible real life monster sighting. Nothing was going to stop you from going there and seeing the place for yourself.

And now here you stand, in front of the building with a backpack full of supplies slung over your shoulder. You had your phone, flashlights with spare batteries, a spare change of clothes, matches and lighters, even a rope and various other tools should something happen inside of the building.

And so, with a deep excitement bubbling up in your stomach, you find your way through a hole in the fence and walk through the front door. The first thing you see is the reception desk with various odds and ends left over from the closure. There are even still brochures describing the various types of tours and listing prices.

You walk down the first corridor you see, going past various closed off rooms that look to be basic examination rooms. There is surprisingly little decay, mostly everything still looking rather clean and intact besides a thick layer of dust and cobwebs covering everything. You’re a bit discouraged but decide to continue on to see if things get more interesting.

After all, the murders occured in the basement, and you’re not anywhere close to that yet.

Soon you find yourself in the medical ward where the patients were kept, and you instantly realize one of the reasons this hospital was so nightmarish. The rooms are even smaller than jail cells, leaving barely enough space for patients to lay down in. There are so many rooms of that exact size that you wonder how the staff could accurately take care of the amount of patients there had to be. But you remember your research, remember the fact that they couldn’t.

That was why so many brutal procedures were performed such as lobotomies, in order to keep the peace at the asylum and make things easier for the doctors and nurses. You give a quick shudder and begin to move on, feeling a strange sensation that you desperately want to get away from.

The decay gets worse and worse the closer you get to the basement, rust and decay beginning to cover every surface you see. You walk past some of the surgery rooms and feel horror at the utensils and instruments you see in them. The historical society tried to keep things as accurate as possible, and as such, they had kept most of the equipment that you would see back in those days.

You’re beginning to wonder if this is a good idea, as that strange sensation continues to worsen and worsen. You realize with a start what this feeling actually is.

It feels like someone is watching your every movement. You whirl around, shining your flashlight in every direction as you try to see what’s watching you. But there’s nothing but darkness and the decaying walls of the hospital. You shake your head, laughing quietly at the fact that you’re spooked out by a few weird shadows and an odd feeling.

You’re not going to let it stop you from your goal, however, and you continue forwards until you get to the doors of the basement. The feeling here is overwhelming, simultaneously telling you to run and move forward all at the same time. The conflicting emotions leave you off balance and light headed, and you reach your hand out instinctively when you sway on your feet. You touch a section of the wall and instantly pull your hand back.

The wall is warm, not cold like it should be. A sense of unease crawls up your spine, and you decide then and there that it’s time to go. Making it to the basement is not worth this, whatever it is you’re feeling. But then you hear a soft humming and the flapping of wings, coming from deep within the basement of the hospital.

Instead of being terrified, however, you feel entranced. It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever heard, and it’s calling you. You open the basement door without even thinking about it, walking down the stairs in a dreamy haze. You don’t even pay attention to how heavy the rot here is, how the walls are entirely blackened by decay that spreads out like veins on a body.

You don’t pay attention when the door slams closed behind you, locking you in with whatever is calling you closer. All you can think about is getting to that beautiful sound, that lonely haunting call that seems to burrow deep into your brain. You walk as if you’re in a trance, turning corridors that you’ve never seen before but somehow know where they’re going.

Finally, you get to a door that is deep within the bowels of the basement, a bright red door that seems to beckon you inside. You push open the door with no hesitation, walking through and letting it close behind you.

And you finally come face to face with the creature. He is about 9 feet tall, towering over your small form. He’s not overly muscular, but he has a thin wiry look to him that says he is deceptively strong. His red eyes bore into you like they’re staring directly into your soul. On his back are two massive wings, spread to their full wing span and utterly gorgeous.

The creature makes a small chittering noise as he motions you towards him, and you follow like he’s a puppeteer holding your strings. He pulls you tightly into his body, burying his nose into your neck and taking a deep whiff of your skin. His hot breath on your sensitive skin pulls a shudder from you. and he tightens his grip as if he’s worried you’ll get away.

A long tongue pokes out of his mouth, licking at the pulse point that is frantically beating. “Mine,” he groans into your skin, sharp teeth grazing you. “Mate.” You’re lifted up off your feet before being laid down on the ground, hips in the air and face down on the floor. He rips your pants off easily, leaving your panties on as he lowers his head down. You feel a flash of embarrassment as he sniffs them like he sniffed your neck, groaning again as his tongue drags across the wet abric. “Fertile,” he whispers as he pulls your panties aside, “fertile mate.”

The haze parts from your mind long enough for you to feel a sharp flash of fear, and then his tongue is lapping at your folds and the fear is quickly chased away again. You dig your nails into the floor as you feel him work his tongue inside of you, using it to fuck you like a cock would. You gasp when he hits your cervix with his tongue and keeps going, wiggling against the barrier like he’s trying to break through it.

Something in his saliva causes your body to heat up and your muscles to loosen enough for him to batter his tongue harder against you and push through. Your scream echoes through the walls of the room, but not of pain. Instead, a fierce pleasure overtakes you as your cervix gives way to the creature’s tongue, allowing him to enter into your womb.

The feeling of this tongue wiggling around in your empty womb causes you to tip over the edge and cum around the creature’s tongue as he eagerly laps at your juices. He withdraws his tongue, causing you to let out a whine of disappointment, only to be surprised when you feel something prodding at your entrance. It doesn’t feel like a human cock at all, with ridges and bumps along the length and much thicker than a human cock would be.

You have a single moment to wonder how it will fit inside of you before it’s pushing in, stretching out your tight outer ring of muscles and causing a sharp burning in your lower stomach. You whine and try to pull away, only for the creature to let out a snarl as claws dig into your hips, causing your blood to drip down onto the pavement.

Even though there is no pain, only more pleasure, you learn your lesson and don’t try to move away as the thick cock slides even further into you. It’s so much thicker than anything you’ve ever taken before, and you’re shaking like a leaf when he finally bottoms out inside. You think he’ll start thrusting like a human male would, except that he doesn’t.

He keeps pushing, humping into you with sharp movements designed to force your cervix open even further. You squeal as the cock makes it past the barrier, burying deep inside of your womb. You glance down and let out a choked sob at the bulge in your stomach where the tip of the creature’s cock is.

“Pretty - pretty mate,” the creature says hesitantly, rolling his hips experimentally into you and drawing a groan from your throat. “Tomura,” he adds, and it takes you a second to realize that’s the creature’s name.

“Tomura,” you murmur, and the creature chitters happily at the sound of your voice saying the name. You try to think of something else to ask, maybe even to beg to be released as the haze seems to clear a bit, but Tomura begins to hum again, and you instantly smile in bliss as all of your concern fades away.

You feel something else pushing into your entrance, and it takes a long moment to realize what it is as you feel it slip up your stretched out tunnel.

Eggs. The creature is filling you with eggs. Instead of being horrified, however, you moan as they continue to move inside of you. There are multiple eggs at once, small and gooey, and they coat your insides with wetness as they make their way to your still stretched out cervix.

You feel them pass through the opening to plop down into your womb, and you cry out and cum hard, pussy wildly fluttering around Tomura’s cock. He lets out a deep grunt of pleasure as he rocks his hips against you, and you feel more eggs pushing into you. This time, a few of them get stuck against a spongy spot inside of you, and you scream out your orgasm, legs shaking and eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Fuck, oh god, shit, Tomura - “ you babble mindlessly as more eggs push into you, “it feels so good, why does it - “

Before those eggs can push fully in, there are already more entering you, and you feel so incredibly full. They drop down into your no longer empty womb, wringing another orgasm from your tired body. The skin of your stomach is stretching, making you look bloated, and Tomura still isn’t done.

You lose track of time completely, only aware of your body twitching and convulsing as more and more eggs push up into you, settling into your womb with the rest of them. Your stomach already looks 9 months pregnant, and you can barely hold yourself up.

Tomura sees this, and he gently picks you up and lays you down on your back. “Pretty mate,” he leans and kisses your forehead, “look so good with my children. Our children.”

“Oh god, no more, please no more, I’m so full Tomura,” you whimper as more eggs push into you. “Please, so full - “

Tomura hums softly at you, and you smile with bliss as the final eggs plop down into your womb.  His movements become more savage, thrusting hard into you as he grunts and groans. The force of his thrusts has you sliding up, breasts bouncing and your belly jiggling. The feeling of the eggs moving around inside of you has you howling out your orgasm, blackness dotting the edge of your vision as you almost lose consciousness.

Finally, Tomura is finished, and his cock begins to twitch inside of you as hot ropes of cum fill you up, shooting directly into your womb where the eggs reside. You sob as you watch your stomach bulge out even more as the creature’s cum fertilizes the eggs inside. You can no longer see the dents and valleys of the eggs along your stomach, and you reach down to gently run your hand over your bloated stomach.

You can feel the eggs through the barrier of skin, and it causes your eyes to roll back at the pleasure. Tomura gives a soft, happy chirp as he places his hand over yours on your belly, rubbing it gently. He pulls out slowly, causing a mixture of your cum and his to gush out of your now gaping pussy.

He reaches down to pick you up as he walks towards a door in the back of the room that you hadn’t noticed before. You’re shocked by what you see when you walk through. It’s an utterly untouched room, still looking brand new and with none of the decay that covers the rest of the basement. There is no bed, but there is a pile of clean blankets and pillows in the corner, piled up high and in a circle.

A nest, you realize. It’s a nest. For you. He tucks you in gently, chirping again as his clawed hand runs over your pregnant belly. “Mate,” he says happily, “my pretty little mate.” He stands up and walks towards the door, turning to you one last time as his gaze narrows and darkens just a bit.

“No running. Don’t want to have to tie mate down.” He continues to gaze at you, as if waiting for something.

“I won’t run,” you say quietly, and the dark look on his face is gone instantly as he beams at you.

“Good mate, good.” And with that, he’s gone.

With his absence, some of the haze lifts and you’re able to realize the horror of the situation you’re in. Nobody knows where you are, and you’re trapped. Even if you wanted to run, you don’t think you could with how large your belly is. No escape and no help coming for you, and the creature already seems so possessive of you that he’s not going to let you easily escape.

If only you had listened to your instincts earlier, if only you hadn’t been so fascinated with the grotesque, if only you had simply chosen to stay home.

You’ve always believed in monsters. You just never thought you would find one.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

Kinktober: @thewheezingwyvern​, @vixen-scribbles​, @katsukisprincess​, @hisoknen​, @trafalgar-temptress​, @leeswritingworld, @burnedbyshoto​, @bakugotrashpanda​, @dee-madwriter​, @kittycatkrissa​, @reinawritesbnha​, @yanderart​, @dabilove27​, @anxietyplusultra​, @flutterfalla​, @angmarwitch​, @nereida19​, @babayaga67​, @fromsunnywithlove​, @dabis-kitten​, @bakugos-cumsock​, @yumeneji​, @the-grimm-writer​, @iwaizumi-chan​, @slashersheart​, @bunnyywritings​, @bakarinnie​, @angie-1306​, @lalalemon101​​, @videogameboiwhowins​​, @f4nficbaby​​, @tenkoshimmy​, @baroque-baby​​, @bbyspiiice​​, @thirstyforthem2dmen​​, @blissfulignorance2000​, @bluecookies02-main​

[acourtofbooksandfantasy]

Starfall - Azriel x fem! Reader

Disclaimer: this is my first piece I’ve ever published. I’m not taking requests but would be open to ideas for new things to write! Let me know what you think. I had this idea the other day and couldn’t stop thinking about it until I wrote it down. I also originally named the main fem! character but decided to make it Y/N at the last minute, so if her name is in there then whoops! Either way, enjoy xx

Starfall. The most beautiful night in Prythian. Souls traveling to a far off place, leaving a blinding beauty in their wake. The Night Court prepared for weeks to welcome their passage.

Each member of the Inner Circle enjoyed this day, but Azriel often used this day to mourn. And to hope. Each year, he would wish upon those flying glimmers of starlight. Praying. Hoping. One day, he would find his mate.

In the past, he used the evening to drink and pray and hope that Mor would realize she was his mate. But when she and Emerie confirmed their mating bond two years prior, Azriel simply used this evening to wish upon the stars for someone of his very own.

This year was not any different, until two months before when a secret Illyrian camp was raided and a young woman was found, wingless. She was battered and bruised, terrified of any male who came near her. Cassian had brought her back to the House of Wind with Feyre’s help, to give her a place to recover and rest.

Over the coming weeks, she revealed to Mor and Amren that her name was Y/N, and that she had been sold to the foul Illyrians at a high price to help support her family. She was used for work, cleaning and cooking, and kept in a small room. She revealed her wings were taken after a visit where Rhysand and Cassian required Devlon to start training all Illyrian females. As she told the story, even Amren shed a tear.

Cassian and Azriel were introduced to Y/N, along with Nesta, to help train her. Even without wings, Feyre believed it would do her much good to know how to protect herself. And Y/N vowed she would never again let someone lay hands on her unless she asked. Over the weeks, Cassian and Azriel coached from the sidelines as Nesta and Mor demonstrated and helped, since Y/N still feared the males being too close. Each day she grew a little stronger, and became more confident. It became evident just how much the training was helping her mentally when she agreed to come out for a night at Rita’s with the Inner Circle. Much to Morrigan’s delight, as she would finally have a friend to dance with who wouldn’t make inappropriate comments like Cass.

Azriel couldn’t help but watch from across the bar as Mor and Y/N jumped and spun, without a care in the world. However, he became alarmed as he noticed two dark males approaching her from behind. Each one reached to grab her arms, and he growled as he flew from his chair. He pushed the men back, scooping Y/N into his arms and winnowing both her and Mor to the back of the bar where he knew no one would be. When he put her down, Y/N stared at him breathlessly. She couldn’t believe it, but when he came out of nowhere to rescue them, she hadn’t felt fear. In fact, she felt a strange pull in her stomach. Deep, aching. Longing. Like, she had known him before, in another time perhaps.

The mating bond.

It caused her to step back as it snapped into place.

But Azriel didn’t seem to notice a thing.

“Are you alright?” He asked, gently brushing a hand to her elbow as she stood, star struck.

“Yes. I’m fine….thank you.” She replied after a few awkward seconds.

Mor gave her a puzzling look, “Uh…okay you two let’s go home. Az…”

He grabbed their hands and winnowed them back to their home.

That night, Y/N sat alone in her room, feeling a pull towards the shadowsinger’s room. She knew she should probably stay, but she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she went. Her curiosity got the best of her, and all of a sudden she was stood outside his bedroom. One hand ready to knock, but unsure of what she would say. She stood there nervously until the door cracked open, and Azriel popped his head out into the hall. He was only wearing some trousers, his hair disheveled from the slumber he’d just awoken from.

“ Y/N. Is there…something wrong?” He asked nervously.

“I…I…” Y/N scrambled for a reason to be in front of his door, “I sometimes have nightmares. I can’t fall asleep because I’m afraid of having a terrible dream.”

“Oh. I see.” Azriel said.

Y/N stood there, unsure of what to do next, “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sor-“

But before she could finish her thought, he grabbed her wrist gently and brought her inside.

“You can stay for a little while if you’d like,” Azriel started, “I have nightmares too. About my hands. And my mother. We can watch out for each other. And I can take you back to your room when you’re ready. You take the bed, I can sleep here.” He gestures to the small couch at the foot of his bed.

“Azriel I don’t want to take your bed.” Y/N stated, feeling guilty about coming in the first place.

“I insist.” Azriel gestured to the bed.

She sat down on the edge, as he laid himself on the couch that was barely big enough for him and his enormous wings. Even with them all tucked in, he nearly spilled out the sides of the couch.

She laid down as well, waiting for slumber to set in, but it didn’t, because she could only focus on the tug from her to him.

Close to an hour had passed, when finally a whisper emerged from the quiet. “Az?” Y/N lay flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Yes?” Azriel replied timidly.

“Can you…can you come up here?” Y/N asked rather calmly.

Silence filled the room, before the tall and dark Illyrian stood from the couch, slowly setting himself down on the other side of the bed. He lay flat on his back as well, as if trying to avoid touching her at all costs.

She reached across the bed and found his hand, interlocking her fingers in his. She rubbed her thumb along the lines of his scars.

“Thank you. For rescuing me. Maybe I can help rescue you from your nightmares?” Y/N said.

Azriel smiled at the ceiling in the dark, “Perhaps.”

________________________________________

Each of the girls from the Inner Circle had gone to the seamstress weeks prior to the event to have gowns made for the celebration. Each of the girls selected a gown some shade of Night Court black, except for Y/N. Feyre and the rest of the Night Court females found a gorgeous silver silk fabric, embedded with tiny crystals. When held up to the light, the fabric twinkled like a sea of stars.

“ Y/N! Since you are our special guest for the celebration, you should have a dress made from this!” Mor shouted, shoving a pile of the fabric into Y/N’s arms.

Y/N stared, mouth wide open, “I’m not sure, I don’t want to…”

Feyre stopped her by gentle placing a hand on her shoulder. “You are not a burden, and no one will be upset if you outshine every one of us. You deserve to have a night as fabulous as you are after all you’ve endured.”

Y/N smirked and nodded. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll have a dress made from this!”

________________________________________

The males waited, rather impatiently, in the front hall at the bottom of the staircase.

“You all have been getting ready since 10 o’clock this morning, you can’t SERIOUSLY still be primping can you??” Cassian grumbled as he leaned back on the wall.

Morrigan exited her room where they had all been drinking, giggling, and preparing for the evening. “You clearly have no understanding of what getting ready means to females, “ she said as she rolled her eyes at the general.

One by one, each of the girls stepped out. Feyre and Y/N were the last left inside the room. “You look lovely, Y/N. I’m so glad you’ve become one of our best friends.” Feyre gave Y/N a small squeeze. Y/N smiled, still appearing somewhat nervous for this evening.

Feyre studied her face closely, “He will think you are the most magnificent creature in the room tonight,” she whispered with a wink.

All the breath left Y/N’s lungs as she thought of the spymaster.

Mate.

Mate.

Mate.

Her heart pounded as Feyre gave her hand a quick squeeze before heading to the staircase. “Come along, Y/N. Let’s show them what you’ve got.”

________________________________________

His breath caught in the back of his throat at the sight of her at the top of the staircase.

The floor length gown had a deep v down the front, with two sheer straps that wrapped over her shoulders and crossed in the back. The silky fabric flowed as she took each step. She shimmered like starlight, and as the shimmering fabric moved it made it as thought Y/N herself was glowing in the night.

“Holy shit.” Cassian mumbled under his breath. Nesta elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to go into a coughing fit.

As Y/N reached the bottom of the stairs, everyone stopped what they were doing.

“Well, shall we?” Rhysand asked with a playful grin, simultaneously locking arms with his mate and nudging his spymaster brother towards the girl in the sparkling gown.

Azriel and Y/N stood for a moment. Y/N’s eyes remained focused on her feet, and Azriel watched as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. In that moment, when she looked up and locked eyes with him, he felt everything. A rushing of magic, or spirit, or something, coursed through his veins.

“Mate,” he said, so softly that only she could hear.

They remained frozen in time, stood there, taking in one another. As if their souls needed time to catch up on all the time they had been apart.

Azriel extended a hand to her, and their hands intertwined as they left the front hall. As they walked, Azriel leaned in and whispered to his mate, “You know, it might be hard to keep my hands off of you tonight.” Y/N peered up at him through her thick eyelashes. “You are quick to forget, I have not accepted the bond yet,” she replied with a smirk.

“You wound me, my love,” he stated with a look of bewilderment and shock. It took everything in him not to scoop her into his arms and winnow back to his room, to have his way with her right then and there.

________________________________________

They danced most of the night. So much so, that Cassian made several jokes about how he’d never seen his brother dance that much in their entire lives. It didn’t bother Y/N or Azriel one bit.

The couple stopped to sit and watch as the souls began to descend across the sky, traveling to wherever they belong. Azriel couldn’t help but watch his mate as she stared into the sky, absolutely enamored with her.

Y/N could feel the sting of his stare on her cheek. She turned to him, and reached across the table, her hand closed holding an object tightly inside. “I’d like to give you something,” she smiled. Azriel gave her a perplexed look, opening her hands to find a macaron.

He looked at the pastry, then his mate, and back to the pastry. “Are…are you certain?”

“I’ve never been more certain in my life.” Y/N replied confidently.

Azriel forced himself to savor every bite of the macaron, when really he wanted to shove the whole thing into his mouth so he could whisk her away from the party. Once he was finally finished, he stood, gesturing for Y/N to take his hand.

Cassian shouted from across the dance floor, “Hey brother!! Don’t be too loud tonight, SOME of us need our beauty rest!!” Nodding his head towards Rhysand. Feyre smacked him across the back of his head and Rhysand laughed. Azriel let out a low growl, but Y/N placed her hand on his lower back and stood on her tip toes to whisper in his ear.

“Take me home, shadowsinger.”

And they winnowed away into the night, as fast as the spirits had traveled across the midnight sky.

[thestorycfus]

The Sweetest Apparition - Part 3

Pairing: Peggy Carter x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and historian who specializes in the life and legacy of Captain Carter. After Nick Fury uses the Tesseract to bring Peggy back, the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. contacts the reader to help her navigate life in the XXI century.

Warnings and notes: Food, mentions of Steggy, mentions of Stucky, very small mentions of war. Other characters are also mentioned. This got way longer than the first two parts, but there’s also way more Peggy here. This series takes place after the last scene of What If… episode one, including spoilers to that episode. Reader uses she/her pronouns.

Word count: 2,304

Series Masterlist

It should be a short walk to your apartment, but you made a small stop each time Captain Carter was curious about something. You also got some take out on the way, making sure to pick at least four different options from separate places and a couple of desserts too, since you didn’t know her taste yet. It was a while before you made it to your street.

During the entire time, your chatting was limited to safe topics - how loud and bright the city was, how many screens there were, the amount of coffee options that existed now. You watched Carter fall in love with her caramel coffee and made a mental note to buy her more sweets.

Soon, the Captain would also need to go shopping. Fury had gotten her the formal white blouse and the black pants she wore now, an outfit much more discreet than the uniform she was wearing when she fell, but that was her entire wardrobe at the moment. That was another mission you should handle, but it could wait until after lunch.

When you finally got home, you placed the food over a kitchen counter and gave Carter a quick tour of the apartment. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it would be enough for both of you until she was more familiar with this century. The tour ended where it started: in your tiny kitchen. You pulled a stool for the Captain and presented her with the options for lunch.

“I suppose you’ve never tried some of those, so I got a few different meals. Burritos, sweet and sour chicken, calzones and Pad Thai. For dessert, there’s lemon tart and triple chocolate cake. I might have gotten a little carried away.”

Peggy took a seat and examined her options. You wondered if that would be, technically her first meal since the 40’s.

“They are all tempting, but I might start with this one.” Her eyes were fixated on a burrito as if it was the Holy Grail. Yeah, that was surely the first time she ate in seventy years. She dove in, so focused on her meal that you didn’t dare to interrupt. Meanwhile, you took the other stool and picked a calzone, eating it while you watched Carter.

You were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that she was really here, and it was surprising that you hadn’t completely freaked out so far, but the prospect of the rest of the day started to worry you. The Captain would certainly have a lot of questions and, if there were inquiries that Fury left for you to answer, they probably pertained more to her personal life than to great historical events.

If the registers about her were right, it wouldn’t be long before the real conversation started. Peggy Carter was too smart to have such a debate in the middle of the street, but she wasn’t known for stalling. As soon as she finished her meal, in the privacy of your (now shared) kitchen, you would have to provide about seven decades of answers.

Before you could try to prepare yourself, she was done with her second burrito. You almost suggested dessert, but the look she gave you left no room for pauses. Carter turned on her stool to face you directly, her posture becoming straighter and her eyes never leaving yours. She was the perfect image of Captain Carter, the hero, the legend who defeated all odds. Still, when she spoke, there was softness in her voice.

“The meal was lovely and so is the apartment. I can’t thank you enough for you kindness, Agent L/N, but I must ask a few things more of you. If you have studied about my life, you must know what happened to Steve Rogers after I was gone.”

You should be ready for that. Of course her first personal concern would be about Rogers. His story with Carter went down in history as a tragic tale of love, bravery and loss. To his last days, Rogers had made it his mission to honor her legacy, but that wasn’t all that he did. How do you tell a person that the love of her life went on to live a decades long, fulfilling relationship with someone else, even though, from her perspective, they were together the day before?

“Please, call me Y/N. And you can ask anything, Captain. I will tell you everything I can.” You took a deep breath, going through the words in your head in search of the best way to let her know. It was best to keep nothing out. Carter deserved that. “Steve Rogers continued to serve as the Hydra Stomper until the war had ended and all known Hydra operations had been eliminated. After that, he stepped out of the suit so that Howard Stark could continue his research with the Tesseract. I believe neither of them ever gave up on bringing you back, but, in many ways, they also moved on to build new lives.”

You made a small pause, in case she wanted to say something, but Carter only gave you a nod, encouraging you to continue. It was impossible to look away from her eyes, or to keep anything hidden when she stared at you with such intensity. Even in silence, sitting still, she emanated a power that kept you talking.

“A few years after the war, Rogers and Stark started an intelligence agency to keep the world safe from threats we could barely understand. They named it S.H.I.E.L.D., because of you. That is the agency I work for, directed by Nick Fury.” There was something poetic in the way that same agency ended up being the reason Peggy Carter was back, but it wasn’t your place to point that out. “Rogers never stopped fighting, even without the suit. He was a legendary agent, working along with James Barnes until they retired. They were also together for the rest of their lives.”

That was the piece of information you feared would break Carter’s heart, but she had a bright smile after hearing that.

“That suits them. All of them.” The joy in her voice sounded so sincere, and you couldn’t help but ask.

“Were you and Rogers… Together? It is said so in the official files, but…” In your studies, you sometimes wondered if their relationship was just a myth, maybe a publicity stunt to humanize the fallen super soldier. It was your job to question the data, but you had never paid that possibility much attention until now.

Instead of being offended by your invasion of her privacy, Carter laughed so lightly and freely that you felt your cheeks getting warm.

“Oh, darling, Steve Rogers had a heart too big to have only one soul mate. He was the love of my life, yes, and I was the love of his, but not the only one. A love so beautiful and dedicated is supposed to be shared. Of course I’m sad I didn’t get to share the rest of his life with him, but I’m relieved to know that he and Bucky had each other. And that’s not to say I’m a being of such virtue that I’m above jealousy. I felt jealous of Steve alright, many times, but I could never be jealous of him with Buck. They fit well together and they were good for each other. They were real, just as Steve and I were. Steve deserved to be loved through a lifetime. I’m grateful that he was.”

Carter’s eyes shined with tears, but she didn’t allow any to fall. Maybe she would let herself grief for the lost possibilities later, but for now she was handling such an emotional journey with more elegance than you thought possible. It didn’t seem to be an act at all. On the contrary, what touched you the most was the honesty in her words. That selflessness of being genuinely happy to hear of how her soul mate lived on without her, in love with someone else, told you more about Peggy Carter than any history book ever had. And that’s how she reacted right after being thrown into the next century, coming directly from a war and landing in a world she didn’t recognize.

“I don’t think history ever made you justice, Captain. The general public thinks of you as a hero, but they’re so far from knowing the person behind the suit... You know, it’s very nice to meet you.” You couldn’t help but sharing a bit of what was on your mind. To that moment, your hero was turning out to be even better than your daydreams, and it was only fair to let her know so.

At that, she gave you a big smile and your heart skipped a beat. You would have a hard time sharing an apartment with this woman.

“You are far too kind to me. To be honest, they never showed much interest on me, suit or not, until I went against official orders and started throwing tanks around and fighting the battles that needed to be fought. I am more concerned about what I am able to achieve, regardless of how they will see me. And there’s no need to call me Captain, Y/N. Heavens, we live and work together now and you’re my guide to modern life. Peggy is fine. And it’s nice to meet you too.” She took the initiative to get a slice of chocolate cake, already making herself at home. You had the feeling that her adaptation to this world wouldn’t be too difficult, all things considered. Peggy Carter would take whatever she was given and make more of it than anyone imagined possible.

“As you wish, Peggy. Speaking of that, there’s a lot I think you’ll like to see about life now. What else are you curious about?” You took your own slice of cake, trying to feel at ease in this conversation. You couldn’t be on high alert whenever Carter was around if she was going to be around all the time, but that was easier said than done. Your responsibilities here were enormous and, to be frank, you were determined to be your best self and impress her, even if just a bit. Maybe telling her about the wonders of nowadays technology would do the trick.

“I am curious about everything. I can’t wait to know all about the development of science, or what I missed in seven decades of sociopolitical turmoil, but there’s one more person I’d love to hear about before we get to that. You mentioned Howard moving on with his life, didn’t you? What exactly was that little menace up to while I was gone?”

Now, that was a rich topic of conversation.

“Well, Stark continued his research with the Tesseract and with many other projects, sometimes along with the US government, and he built a billionaire empire. Weapons, all sorts of technology, wild parties. The man had everything. He has a son, Tony, who inherited the tech, the money and the brains, but with a stronger inclination to heroism. You see, Tony Stark built himself a supersuit, partially inspired by his father’s Hydra Stomper, but with a larger variety of uses. It’s said that Steve Rogers was a sort of mentor to him, but I couldn’t get Stark to talk a lot about it when I interviewed him.”

You couldn’t tell which part made Peggy more excited. She nodded along as you listed Howard Stark’s achievements, as if it was all expected, and her eyes got wider when you told her about his son. When you mentioned Rogers, she almost jumped in her seat. She was already invested, but dropping that name sealed the deal.

“Fury gave me this.” She took two business cards out of her pocket. “It has his telephone number and Barton’s too. Could I use your telephone to call him? I would like to meet this Tony Stark, and I bet Fury would be able to reach him.” 

Giving Director Fury a call from your cellphone felt strange, but how could you deny Peggy that? If the Director gave her the number, he wanted her to be able to reach him, right? 

Instead of dialing yourself, you showed Carter how to use the phone. She looked like a kid on Christmas whenever she was given access to new technology. You would make sure she got a cellphone of her own soon so you could show her everything the device could do. 

She called Fury and you waited as they talked for less than two minutes. Peggy handed you the phone when she was done, with a smile that said she got what she wanted.

“So, what did the Director say?” You asked, anxious to know the outcome of the call.

“We’re meeting Tony Stark tomorrow at 2pm in his tower. Was it him who named it Stark tower or is that Howard’s doing?” She narrowed her eyes a bit, still smiling.

“The tower was built by Tony, so I think we can’t blame Howard for that one.” You joked. “Are you meeting Fury at S.H.I.E.L.D. before you two go to Stark’s?”

“Oh, Fury is not going. He booked the meeting for you and me, if you would like to accompany me.” Peggy sounded hesitant, as if she had just considered that you might not want to join her on that plan. 

"You’re asking me if I wish to be there when Captain Carter meets Tony Stark? Please, if I didn’t get the chance to be a part of that exchange, I would beg you for a detailed retelling as soon as you got home.” 

Your reply made Peggy laugh once more, and you were getting used to that sound very quickly.

[kylosgenesis]

Teardrops on fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

Warnings: Mentions of death , A/B/O dynamics

Chapter 3: Leave a light on

Bucky and Steve packed a suitcase of supplies, they both knew it was a race against time at this point. Her body would become weak without the pheromones of an alpha, her changing hormones wouldn't be able to adapt for her body's transition into her designation. Her own body would become her worst enemy right now, and if they didn't make it in time she could die in a pool of her own slick and sweat as her body struggled to accommodate the change.

That was one of the reasons omegas became so rare! Over the course of thousands of years their bodies began to change.Even with an alpha, sometimes the transition was too much on their bodies! Not many would make it. The omega’s that did were meant to be the strongest women the packs had to offer, their wombs strong , healthy, and ready to accommodate an alpha.

There was an old wives tale that would travel around the packs about a perfect mate, a bond so strong that would turn two souls and bodies into one. Soul that have been meant to be together since the beginning of time, like a puzzle piece waiting for it’s perfect match .Always calling for each other! One way or another prevailing.

People stopped believing in those kinds of stories a long time ago!

“Steve,Is that everything?” Bucky was loading up the bags into the truck. His mother and Katerina had headed back to the cabin, hoping to get a head start and try to explain to her what would be going on. I believe so! We still don't know what we're walking into… Steve furrowed his brow with his hand. His free hand on his lower back. “Hell Buck! I don't even know what i'm supposed to do! Hey I'm Steve, you don't know me but i'm here to take you away from everything you've ever known… also I kinda have to mate with you to save your life.``

“I know it doesn't sound like the best plan! But it's all we can do right now.” Bucky wanted to reassure his friend, tell him it was all going to be alright. Deep down he himself was feeling uneasy. He wanted to crawl out of his skin. Why did their nature have to be like this? He felt like they were not that evolved from animals when it came to heats. She was probably scared, he wanted to reassure his friend that she would be okay with him.

Bucky remembered leaving her all those years ago. It broke his heart! Deep down Bucky didn't even want to see her. He couldn't live with the look of disappointment she'd give him. Or worse what if she wasn't disappointed, what if it was like the years didn't go by between them. How could he handle seeing her gentle eyes, knowing he couldn't return the same look back.

It wasn't even a question anymore! Any dream involving her he's had for the past ten years had to be thrown away! He had to forget her smile, her laugh, her smell! She was never meant to be his and now more than ever he had to put his pack first.

Bucky gave Steve a reassuring smile and motioned to the truck, they were losing daylight and they both had a long night ahead of them. Both lost within their own thoughts!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She felt like she was being torn apart!

Yes, she's had some bad cramps during her cycle, but this pain was different! If felt like she was being completely ripped apart from the inside. She felt weak and both terribly hot and freezing at the same time.

She had this strong feeling to just stay in bed at the back of her mind, but she just couldn't let herself waste away in bed waiting for her mother. Her mom had called winifred after this morning, within the hour they were both gone! They said they'd be back my sundown with some supplies and someone who might help her. As the pain intensified she readied herself to go get some things that could help alleviate her. She remembered her mom taught her this recipe with mint, nuts, and berries, back when she had first gotten her period; many years ago. Sometimes when she was out fishing or hunting and she felt her body start to feel strange, she'd look for those, and boil some water for a tea. It provided instant relief for her, and she'd go back to her day like nothing happened.

Gathering the strength and courage; she walked out of the comfort of her cabin for a quick trip to get those three things. If only she could just have that tea ready, it would make the time waiting for her mom to get back bearable.She knew the woods like the back of her hand, she'd done it countless times where she knew where everything would be.

As she trekked further and further into the woods! She remembered she'd spotted a new mint bush a few days ago, with the old one in the opposite direction she decided to just to just go with her memory and find that one.

Even though she knew these woods by heart, her pounding head and aching body made it a struggle for her focus long enough to orient herself.

She stopped to catch her breath and suddenly felt aware of the heat taking over her body. In the distance, the sounds of the running current of the creek, screamed for her to just get in to find some relief. All she wanted was just to dip her feet in and feel the water run beneath her feet.

The icy water prickled through her skin and it showed her more than the heat did, eventually her body and mind relaxed and she just closed her eyes for what felt like two seconds.

Suddenly the floor beneath was overtaken by a current, she was too weak to swim or fight .So she just let the current run its course; dragging along her weakened body.

In just an instant! She was harshly dragged away from the little bit of forest she knew!

She woke up hours later in the darkness!

The current had dumped her near the bank.

She could tell it was still territory, but it was all unknown and new to her. She definitely did not have the strength to follow the stream, so with what little strength she had, she started a fire! She laid down next to it hoping that morning would come soon, and give her the strength she needed to return home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they exited the car they could smell her, but it was lingering and faded. Bucky’s senses were on fire! That smell drove him insane. It awoke every muscle in his being, he’s partially glad that it wasn’t fully her, just the lingering trace of her scent.

He couldn’t do that to Steve. He had to mask his face, pretend she didn’t smell like air after you’ve been holding your breath for ten years.

“Where is she ?” Steve was worried, not only was this his omega, but she was a part of his pack now. His Alpha nature led him to worry about her, even if he didn't fully know her or understood her yet.

All Steve knew is that he felt drawn to her! He needed to protect her and care for her! Seeing the small cabin was like a punch to his gut! He couldn't believe that there were people in his pack living like this.

The roof needed work, the inside was just enough to be considered cozy, but not comfortable!. It was all patched together! He understood that it was the best that they could do with the circumstances, but his heart was swelling with pride at the idea of bringing his omega to his home. For her to finally know comfort, and not want for anything, he'd take better care of her than his own self. Her smell told him everything he needed to know about her, it was like she was made for him, and he was made for her,

Steve looked to Katerina and back to Bucky.

He couldn't understand how this place had been here for such a long time without him knowing about it, Steve remembered his dad's cruel nature. It wasn't beneath him to cast out a pregnant woman to fend for herself, but why hasn't she tried coming back once his father had died. Steve would have let them back! He knew why she was scared and distrustful of him. He probably reminded her of the person who took her life from her.

As the sky grew darker it became impeccably evident that something had gone terribly wrong. Bucky knew it! He had a bad feeling sinking at the pit of his stomach. No experienced hunter, like herself would be out past sundown. The woods become too dangerous and unforgiving even to experienced people.

Bucky taught her to know the woods. She could track.! If she’s out there she’s probably injured and in a bad situation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Clint, Nat, you guys will take the northern side of the river, there's a lot of territory there so I trust you guys will be okay as a team!,” Steve was guiding them to a spot marked on the map, he drew a circle through the section with with finger the over caressing his chin in thought.

“Tony, you will cover the west end on the river… over by this side” Bucky said over Steves planning and was pointing Tony to his designated research area.

Bucky and Steve had gone into a full missing persons mission. They had mapped out the territory and had called the strongest members of the pack. Most of them were a part of the packs defense team. They were all loyal to Steve and led by Bucky as the commander of the pack's small army.

Bucky’ s mind was not at the best place! He was slowly becoming more feral with desperation. “What if an outsider smelled her and crossed territories?” The thought was just too dangerous to entertain and Bucky kept going!

After hours of searching, the search party grew cold, hungry, and tired! Steve was called off the search party as the weather grew harsher, he was worried about his pack. They had families to tend to, and needed rest.

Steve was going in by himself, and Bucky wasn’t about to let his best friend do it alone. Going in just by themselves would be a risk, but they both knew how strong they had to be! They could rest later! She was all that mattered right now!

He wouldn’t stop searching till he had turned every rock on the territory! Every little corner if this damn reserve would be searched! He would find his ... Steve’s mega.

Bucky was the best tracker in his pack and even neighboring packs. If anyone needed anybody or anything found, Bucky was the best in the business. He was strong, determined, and could be ruthless with deserters who would try to run away from the pack after stealing or injuring a member!. Nobody had made it past the territory without Bucky catching them first.

They called him the Winter Soldier! While others found the harsh temperatures, and unforgiving terrain hard to navigate and specially survive; Bucky seemed to read the wind and knew how to use the weather to his advantage. He was the best there was.

If he could not find her he might as well never find anybody else in his entire life. He count fail her. He needed her!...She needed him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her whole body ached!

She couldn’t get up from this one. She knew she’d only survive a few hours, maybe a day or two without food, and in this weather. She just placed herself inside a hollow trunk, and cradled her body to preserve as much heat as possible. She was thankful that the fever was a bit of a heat source, but cursed at the cold chills it gave her. Soon her body relaxed and she wondered what death would feel like.

She thought of her life.

Her mom.

It hurt so much when she thought of him! As she thought of him, her heart was agonizing in longing, but her body was slowly responding. Her fever had subsided, and she tried stepping out of the trunk. She stumbled and lost her footing, but just as she was about to collapse near the now extinguished fire, she felt a pair of strong arms break her fall.

She thought she was probably dead now!

Looking at her, where the most piercing blue eyes she’d ever seen! His hair now at his shoulders, and a beard forming around his face. He looked different than her mind had imagined him all these years. She allowed herself to relax in his arms, and her eyes filled with tears as she passed out; surrounded by his smell , and waiting for this delusion to be over.

They said death had a way of making people feel comfort, and happiness before the light at the end. But this seemed so real! she wasn't scared of dying anymore, she was scared he wouldn't be there if she woke up again.

Tags: @austynparksandpizza @connie326 @nerdgirljen @exposition-belongs-somewhere

[arctic-comet]

Osblaineweek2021, Day 2: Prose

I love book quotes. Looking at quotes is one of my favorite ways to to inspire myself to write more fic.

Here’s a small collection of book quotes (and recs!) of where I’ve “found” June and Nick.

This post contains spoilers for the following books/series:

- Lover Mine by JR Ward

- The Wrath and The Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

- A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Lover Mine by J.R. Ward

Summary:

John Matthew has come a long way since he was found living among humans, his vampire nature unknown to himself and to those around him. After he was taken in by the Brotherhood, no one could guess what his true history was- or his true identity. Indeed, the fallen Brother Darius has returned, but with a different face and a very different destiny. As a vicious personal vendetta takes John into the heart of the war, he will need to call up on both who he is now and who he once was in order to face off against evil incarnate. Xhex, a symphath assassin, has long steeled herself against the attraction between her and John Matthew. Having already lost one lover to madness, she will not allow the male of worth to fall prey to the darkness of her twisted life. When fate intervenes, however, the two discover that love, like destiny, is inevitable between soul mates.

It's basically a paranormal love story between two warriors. He's really young (although he's actually a reincarnation of a very old vampire warrior, but he doesn't know that), and she's like 300 years older than him. In this book, she's been raped and abused by a guy who also used to bully him. She escapes, but he saves her life. She's hungry for revenge and wants to die after achieving that goal, but of course eventually changes her mind. In the end he actually serves her rapist to her on a silver platter so that she can kill him (sound like anyone we know?). He literally holds the guy down while she kills him.

They're my ultimate favorite ship in this series, and IMO their relationship eventually develops into one of the strongest ones. This series is a bit of a hit-or-miss for most people, because the language and the writing style are pretty ridiculous in all seriousness. If you decide to read this, I recommend starting the series from the beginning because John and Xhex meet for the first time several books before this one, LOL.

Here are some of the quotes that make me think of Nick and June:

“Besides, the story of the two of them was written in the language of collision; they were ever crashing into each other and ricocheting away—only to find themselves pulled back into another impact.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he stayed strong against the gale force she let loose. After all, there was a reason why here and hear were seperated by so little and sounded one like the other. Bearing witness to her, he heard her and was there for her because that was all you could do during a fall apart. But God, it pained him to see how she suffered.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“...the only thing that had tethered her to the earth had been him and it was strange, but she felt welded to him on some core level now. He had seen her at her absolute worst, at her weakest and most insane, and he hadn't looked away. He hadn't judged and he hadn't been burned. It was as if in the heat of her meltdown they had melted together. This was more than emotion. It was a matter of soul.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

The Wrath and the Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

Summary:

One Life to One Dawn. In a land ruled by a murderous boy-king, each dawn brings heartache to a new family. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, is a monster. Each night he takes a new bride only to have a silk cord wrapped around her throat come morning. When sixteen-year-old Shahrzad's dearest friend falls victim to Khalid, Shahrzad vows vengeance and volunteers to be his next bride. Shahrzad is determined not only to stay alive, but to end the caliph's reign of terror once and for all. Night after night, Shahrzad beguiles Khalid, weaving stories that enchant, ensuring her survival, though she knows each dawn could be her last. But something she never expected begins to happen: Khalid is nothing like what she'd imagined him to be. This monster is a boy with a tormented heart. Incredibly, Shahrzad finds herself falling in love. How is this possible? It's an unforgivable betrayal. Still, Shahrzad has come to understand all is not as it seems in this palace of marble and stone. She resolves to uncover whatever secrets lurk and, despite her love, be ready to take Khalid's life as retribution for the many lives he's stolen. Can their love survive this world of stories and secrets?

This is a young adult fantasy romance, and basically, Khalid is a lot like Nick. He’s made mistakes that he needs to own, but at the same time he’s forced to commit atrocities he doesn’t want to do. He hates himself and doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of love, and yet he falls in love with Shazi. He's viewed as the villain of the story by everyone aside from Shazi and a few other characters until almost the end of the 2nd book.

“I love you, a thousand times over. And I will never apologize for it.”

―Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“It’s a fitting punishment for a monster. to want something so much—to hold it in your arms — and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“When I was a boy, my mother would tell me that one of the best things in life is the knowledge that our story isn't over yet. Our story may have come to a close, but your story is still yet to be told.

Make it a story worthy of you”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“In that moment of perfect balance, she understood. This peace? These worries silenced without effort? It was because they were two parts of a whole. He did not belong to her. And she did not belong to him. It was never about belonging to someone. It was about belonging together.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

“A boy who'd thrived in the shadows.

Now he had to live in the light.

To live . . . fiercely.

To fight for every breath.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Summaries:

Book 1

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

Book 2

Feyre survived Amarantha's clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can't forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin's people. Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two. With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas's masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

Fantasy romance with explicit sex scenes, and book 2 is a lot better than book 1. Our main character Feyre falls for a really boring fae guy, but also meets the hottest guy she’s ever known. The first guy of course isn't the real love interest (this is a twist this author loves to do). They all end up as prisoners, and the 2nd guy saves her life when the 1st one is totally useless. He also makes her hate him as he does it because he has to. After getting out, she tries to make her old relationship work, but it doesn’t, and guess who swoops in?

I do see some Nick in Rhysand (in addition to his role in the love triangle). They’re both traumatized and prefer to keep a lot of their feelings to themselves. I also see some of the same selflessness in both of them. Rhysand wants Feyre to choose him because she loves him, but he’s willing to accept that she may not, and doesn’t tell her that they’re pretty much destined to be together (it’s a supernatural thing, and he will suffer a lot if she decides she doesn’t want him).

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.”

―Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“It took me a long while to realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Because," he went on, his eyes locked with mine, "I didn't want you to fight alone. Or die alone."

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key. He was the one who let me out.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“I was his and he was mine, and we were the beginning and middle and end. We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

[seonghwa-is-babie]

I'll wait

Y/n is a vampire who's been alive since the 18th century, but whilst others like him already found their soul mates, he was left waiting until a certain boy was born

Seonghwa x vampire! Male reader

Note: as soon as I saw the thing about this being seonghwa's first life, I just had to make this. Btw vampires don't burn in the sun in this fic

Being immortal wasn't that bad, you could see how humanity evolved alongside you, how new species were discovered and how old ones went extinct. You could try and perfect just about any skill you desired

What is bad, is not having to wait for your soul mate to be born while suffering an empty life, this was a problem for y/n, who even after nearly 200 years of waiting, still hasn't gotten his soulmate

He could vividly remember that day he touched the globe which would reveal where your soulmate was with a light, only to have nothing light up, much to the vampire's dismay

🐯

That was in 1760, and has been waiting ever since, checking the globe just about every day, but never getting that light he longed for

In the mean time, y/n made several identities for himself, only to die in a tragic 'accident' and start again as a 20 year old in a different setting, as he had the connections to do so

🐯

The year was 1998, y/n's persona this time around was a successful artist, painting for many people in his for now home, Germany,

He's been reluctant to once again look at the globe, afraid he simply didn't have a soulmate, alas, he did check, on April 3rd, and something he never expected to happen, happened

It lit up, a small light emitted on the map, in South Korea. Y/n couldn't hold back the tears of joy "welcome to the world, my darling, I can't wait to meet you"

Now, y/n knew not to go to a child and declare they're soulmate, but he did make sure someone kept an eye on him for his safety and to get to know him just a little bit

🐯

In the years he had someone look after them, he had learnt his soulmate was a boy by the name of Park Seonghwa, he had gotten some pictures over the years, and he absolutely adored how he looked, he couldn't wait to see what he'd grow into

🐯

It was in late 2017 when he decided to fake another death, by paint this time. He had 2 fellow vampires photograph him and make up the story he got drowned by paint in his lungs when a bucket fell. And people believed it

He quickly got a new passport after and moved to South Korea, where he would have to make a name for himself once again, but first he met up at a café with the friend who had to keep an eye out for Seonghwa

"how is he?" y/n asks, curious about what his soulmate was doing "he's training to become an idol, expected to debut sometime next year" he nodded "so how are you gonna tell him?" y/n hadn't thought about it that much "I'll move in and make a name for myself first, then I might be able to somehow get an interaction"

"how about fashion design, idols often have many different outfits, so if you just work at one that's fairly popular, I'm sure the opportunity will be there"

🐯

And so he began as a designer at a company, whilst also keeping track of seonghwa, which had become a lot easier thanks to social media

He was still waiting to formally meet him, but he went to every show Seonghwa's group, Ateez, performed at, he was fascinated by the boy's moves and good looks. He made sure seonghwa didn't fully see him though, wanting to safe that for when they met

🐯

It actually happened later then he expected, when he was an independent designer in late 2019, KQ, seonghwa's company, asked him to come design outfits for their new album, all to action

He was excited to finally meet the boy who had grown into a charming young man. Of course he was also excited to meet the others, but he's been waiting for over 200 years for this to happen, so of course it's understandable

🐯

Y/n had arranged a meeting with all 8 boys, one by one, leaving seonghwa last, he wanted to spend some extra time with him whilst making sure he didn't see him beforehand

🐯

One by one, he spoke to each member, wrote down some notes, and took their measurements, until the final person came to him, his soulmate, who he'd been waiting so long for

To say he was nervous, was an understatement. He tried distracting himself by turning around and looking outside his window, to the bustling streets of the city

"umm, hello? Sir are you okay?" he heard a concerned but also confused voice say. It's him, Park Seonghwa. He mustered up all of his courage and turned around, approaching the young man "it's nice to finally meet you in person" he held his hand in both of his

"You're..." before seonghwa could continue, he felt a sensation from the man's hand, a warmth so new, yet seemingly so familiar "my soulmate...?" the young man had never experienced such a thing before, and neither did the other, but with lots of stories, he knew what it was

"you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you, my darling" the younger still looked quite confused "if I have some time left after, I'll explain it to you briefly, but if you really wanna know all of it, I suggest you could come with me" he got a bit nervous "You're not gonna do anything bad, right?" y/n looked almost shocked he even asked "of course I won't, I didn't wait this long just to hurt you, alright?"

🐯

After everything was done, y/n took seonghwa back to his apartment, of course with seonghwa's manager's approval "do you want anything to drink?" the younger shook his head

They sat down in the living room "where do you want me to start?" "you said you waited a long time for me, how long was that?" y/n already saw this question coming, but he was willing to explain it all for seonghwa "about 260 years, you see I'm a vampire, an immortal being that's been alive since the 18th century. Of course common folk couldn't know about this, so about every 40 years, I fake my death and start a new life somewhere else, this time I went from a painter in Germany to a fashion designer here"

"but how come you didn't have any previous soulmates?" y/n sighed "because it's only your first life here, darling. Back in 1760 when I interacted with the globe that showed your soulmate's location, nothing lit up. It wasn't until April 3rd 1998 when it lit up, when you were born. I decided I wouldn't see you until you were older, since I also have my morals of not going after children or minors. I've only been here since 2017 actually"

Seonghwa was left in awe and shock, but also slight guilt that y/n had to wait so long for him "I'm sorry you had to wait all that time for me"

"don't be, I learned a lot of useful things and had lots of experiences thanks to the time I was alone" y/n smiled fondly at all the memories "did you fall in love with anyone else along that time?"

"I've met and seen many beautiful people, but none were as beautiful as you are now" seonghwa blushed at that "You're cute when you blush" this made him even more flustered

🐯

They talked for a little while longer before realising how late it is "I have a spare room you can stay in, it's right across from my room, so if anything's bothering you, just come to me" seonghwa nodded and went to the room with some clothes y/n handed him to sleep in

🐯

At night, seonghwa found himself not being able to sleep, there was a constant feeling that something was missing. He figured out it must have something to do with the fact that he now has a bond with y/n

So he made his way over to y/n's room, gently opening the door to find y/n also being awake, seemingly also not being able to sleep "can't sleep either" the latter asked, seonghwa nodded "it's like something's missing"

"maybe because we found each other now, we don't wanna be separated again" seonghwa was still a bit in thought, but suddenly started blushing "ummm, w-would you mind if I stayed here... With you?" y/n smiled and slightly threw the covers open so seonghwa could climb into bed with him. They didn't say anything after just staring at each other in silence, until y/n noticed seonghwa was getting tired. He leaned forward and kissed his forehead "goodnight, my darling"

[nerdycanible1]

The Healing Plant.

This is a story of Kya's and Lin's past. Of who gave Kya her betrothal necklace and why Lin has issues. This is my own little story so of course I will not have the facts lol. Also please be warned as this has some explicit content of fire and burns. Along with death. Please don't read if you are sensitive to such things. Please enjoy.

All art is mine.

Lin squeezed her pillow as a tear glided down her cheek. "Her last breath will always haunt my dreams. The echoes of her breath bounce around in my head and I cannot rid of it." Her lip trembled. "How can you forgive me?" She whispered. "I lost the only person dear to you." She whimpered. "I failed you."

Kya looked at Lin with a wince as her heart was still numb. Losing her wife only a few days ago didn't make her feel right. Her hand clenched as the water near them began to freeze. The betrothal necklace around her neck felt as if a million pounds of anvils were on her chest. Lin couldn't save her. Lin couldn't save the only person she has ever cared about. The only soul mate.

Lin was wrapped in bandages as her burn wounds was still raw, tender and still needed a lot of healing. Her hair was disheveled as tears glided down her face, her eyes puffy. Why does she get to cry? Not like she's the one that lost a lover.

"You did fail." Kya says barely above a whisper, clenching her fists. The bright smile Zhi always seemed to save for her. the tender kisses and the affectionate laugh that always made her join in. "How can you let her get hurt?!"

Lin flinched and whimpered. She began to push herself up and winced. "Kya let me explain what h-"

"No!!! Zhi Ruo is gone because of you!! You let her get hurt... you let her die! You let my wife die!!" Lin sniffled and covered her face ashamed. "I thought you were a protector of civilians. Of everyone." The water in the pans, bowls and cups trembled as Kya was getting more and more angry. Her grief getting the best of her.

Lin had no idea Zhi was Kya's wife. She didn't know. She tried to save her but instead she let the woman get killed. Be my wife Kya. I'll always be there for you.

Kya growled as she raised the water above her head ready to hurt Lin. Lin squeezed her eyes shut ready to for the pain but it never came. Instead she felt the ice water plop onto her as she saw Kya's retreating form leave the room.

[11 Years Later]

Lin sat in her apartment drinking her bitter coffee. it was already 3 in the morning and Lin was wearing her tank top. Tenzin breaking up with her after 13 years and Kya never seeing her was a harsh world to be in. Lin was a bitter woman, being the age of 39 and no suiters was not a way to go. Her finger subconsciously running over her burned flesh. The scars were permanent and she still felt the death of Zhi pretty hard. Kya still hasn't forgiven her and it only dawned to her that she may never see the woman again.

She was just finishing her last cup of the night before there was a tentative knock on her front door. She frowned as she looked up at the clock and saw that it was 3:47 am. She stood up with a sigh and stomped her way to the door and opened it up. "What do you wa-" Her words dying in her throat when seeing the waterbender. Lin went rigid when she heard the others words bounce in her head. Your fault! Your FAULT. Kya looked up at Lin with a smile but only furrowed her brows seeing the bad fire wounds on Lin and the look upon her face. "Lin, spirits you chan-"

Lin let out a strained sob and slammed the door in front of her, leaving the waterbender on her porch. Lin stumbled back and her hands trembled as her arm began to burn. "Lin are you okay? Linnie?"

Lin held onto her arm and cursed under her breath. The hurried knocks from Kya was agitating her along with her arm. Her heart ached at the memory. She wanted to explain herself to Kya about the whole situation but all she got was the sad stares from the family. Kya had packed up in the middle of the night and no one knew where she went. Lin growled and walked to the door. She stood up and held her chest up and swung the door open. Kya almost fell forward but began to gather her balance. "Lin-" she breathed in relief but Lin crossed her arms over her chest.

"What is it?" She snapped. Kya flinched hearing the harshness of the of Lin's words. The last time they talked, Lin was goofy and had kinder words. Kya frowned as she gulped and looked at her. "Can I com-"

"No you may not. State your business so I can head to bed. I have a early shift in the morning. Now what is it?"

Kya frowned and looked up at the other as her brows furrowed. "We need to talk. I thought you'd want to see me after I came back." Her heart ached. Just what had happened to her best friend. Lin always had time for her.

"Came back?" She barked. "How long ago was it you were gone? How many letters did you write? How many years?" Lin glared down at the woman and kept her arm from view the best she could. The burn mark was from the mid of her forearm all the up to the mid way of her neck. I burned part of her back and her stomach.

Kya felt her brows draw down as her eyes watered. "I would have... I thought we were over this. Lin that was, I was still a k-"

"Save it. I don't need your words of pity. If there's nothing else then let me head back to sleep." How can I get over it when your words haunt my dreams. The tears and the hate in your eyes. "Lin wa-" Lin didn't give her another chance as she slammed the door in her face.

{TIME SKIP}

It was a few days later before Lin was heading to the island to talk to Katara and Aang. The kids and her may have gotten on the wrong foot but that doesn't mean her and her aunty and uncle were on the bad foot. And she also promised to help them build a new set of stairs to help be easier to go up to the temple. She also wanted to catch up with Bumi till he was deployed again. The two were an unlikely pair but they became really close and were practically best friends.

Once Lin arrived she was greeted by the same acolytes that always greet her. She began to make her way up the make shift stairs and jog up them as she wanted to greet Katara before she got to work. Once she made it to the house she opened the door and ran right into the Waterbender. Lin grunted as she stumbled back and she looked up and was ready to apologize to Katara for running into her until she saw who it was and she stayed quiet. Kya and her were in a stare down before an arm hooked around her shoulders and she was pulled into Bumi's side. Lin groaned as she began to pull herself away from Bumi. "BUMI!!!" She growled as he would chuckle and hold her in his arms.

Kya frowned seeing the two act so familiar to each other. Lin wasn't like that with her. Lin punched him in the gut and he huffed and bent forward with a obnoxious laugh. "Your punch is the same." He grunted.

Lin chuckled and stood there watching as Bumi tried to regain his breath.

Lin chuckled tapped the others shoulder. "As much as I like beating you up Bumi I wanna say hi to your mother." Bumi smiled at Lin and followed after her as if he hadn't got his guts mushed. "Mom made some apple tarts and breakfast."

Lin could feel the others icy glare though she ignored it. She didn't want to talk to her. Her burn was irritating her again, it seemed to always burn around the bad memories and now Kya. Lin was wearing a long sleeved shirt that was a little too hot to wear during the summer but it looked as if it didn't bother Lin.

Once inside Lin greeted her uncle and aunty and hugged them both, though it be a one sided hug it didn't mean any less than love.

Lin listened to them talk while Bumi hung back with Kya. "What's wrong with the both of you? Lin used to always greet you first?" He looked down at his little sister and Kya rolled her eyes.

"Things change Bumi. It's been years since the last we saw each other." Kya muttered as she looked at the police chief. Lin laughed with them and stole a apple tart. Lin always loved sweets and always was spoiled whenever she came over.

"Can you get me some water Lin, I wanna make some tea to go with this." Katara said holding a bowl out to her. Lin smiled and finished swallowing her food before she grabbed the bowl.

"Of course." She began to walk out of the house and Katara made sure the other left the door before Katara threw a spoon at Kya, hitting her squarely on the forehead.

"You were supposed to talk to Lin last night!!" She grumbled. She began to walk towards her. "Why didn't you two talk?!"

Bumi started laughing loudly and holding his stomach as he did so. Kya rubbed her forehead and pouted towards her mother. "Mom let me explain. She slammed the door in my face." Katara glared at her and placed her hands on her hips.

"That shouldn't stop you. You're a master waterbender and you let a door stop you? When I was your age-no younger than you I sliced through a wooden cage with only my sweat. And you let a door stop you." Katara shook her head and went back to cooking. "Now go out there and set it straight." Aang gave his daughter a sympathetic look.

Kya chewed the inside if her cheek before she sighed and walked outside. Leaving Bumi's boisterous laugh inside and went to the well.

Lin grunted as she looked down in the well saw the water. She frowned as she saw the bucket down in the water without the rope tied around it. With a heavy sigh Lin began to crawl inside the well and braced herself against the wall. She began to slowly make her way down into the dark well. "Lin? Lin?" Kya began to look around for the woman and frowned not seeing her. Lin had just grabbed the bucket while she was trying to keep her balance against the wells walls.

With one last look around her grabbed a bucket and used her bending to bring water out of the well. A yelp left the well as Lin got soaked in the ice water and a loud splash was heard as Lin fell into the water. The Well wall wasn't structured properly and the rocks were loose.

Kya dropped the water and ran to the well seeing Lin at the bottom. Lin was floating in the water and Lin was glaring daggers at Kya. "Spirits Lin. You ok-"

Lin grunted and grabbed the wall of the well before she began to earthbend her wait up. Her clothes were all soaked. "Here let me help y-"

Lin swatted her hands away as she crawled out of the well with a huff and stood there letting the water drip off of her. "I'm fine." She knew it was her fault but that didn't mean she wasn't mad. With a heavy sigh, Lin unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off. Lin was wearing nothing but the wraps around her chest. Lin was muttering sweet words under her breath as she began to take her shoes off.

Kya's eyes raked over her body and brows furrowed. She had no idea how Lin could stand the scars. It must have hurt her so badly. Her fingers subconsciously ran over the wrinkled scars. Lin tensed and went rigid, her body had froze and trembled.

"Zhi!! This is no time for you to act like a hero!! Kya can care for herself!" Lin grasped her arm and began to pull her out of the temple. The smoke was building up in the room, the logs blazing with fire were coming down.

It was only supposed to be a damn house fire but the team got split up and were each ambushed and attacked. Zhi fought against Lin's grip and shoved Lin away. "Shes in trouble! I can feel it!" Lin growled as she grabbed her hand again but Zhi slapped Lin across the face and pointed upwards. Kya was being choked while the man was ready to stab her.

With the burning, stinging sensation on her cheek Lin was ready to slap the other.

The smoke was filling Lin's lungs and she could barely breath. With a quick flick of her arm a rock flew towards the man. Lin didn't see the non bender run off and she continued to distract him from the first floor.

A scream rang in her ears and just like in slow motion she saw the pillar give way and was slowly falling to the ground. Her heart ached as she had to make a hard decision. She knew Kya can care for herself and a second later Lin was using her metal from her suit to hold the pillar up along with her right arm. It felt as if hot boiling, blistering water was being poured on the right side of her body.

A blood curdling scream left Lin's lips as she held the pillar up. She soon saw Zhi under her. The woman looked as white as a ghost but she was still breathing. But what wasn't right was the blood pooling around her. Her breath was shallow and had a small wheeze to it.

Part of the pillar was broken and stabbed the other in the stomach. Even if she did manage to get out from under the wood, the burn Mark's and huge hole in her stomach wouldn't let her live.

Tears filled her eyes as she was losing a friend and there was nothing she could do. With the fire on her skin, cooking her alive she felt as if she was gonna pass out at any given moment.

She clenched her jaw, her breathing getting shallower and shallower. Lin took a deep breath and she clenched her jaw. With all her remaining strength she pushed herself to her feet and lifted the pillar as high as she could. She needed to get her out of here. She couldnt burn in here. With another growl she threw the pillow behind her and lifted the woman in her arms. Her skin felt as if it was melting away.

Shakey, jello-y legs began to carry the woman out. Tears gliding down her cheeks as she could see the light of the door way. The body in her arms slowly getting colder and colder. Her heart barely beating.

"Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive." Lin chanted over and over. "Stay awake." Her sight was growing dimmer and dimmer.

"Tell... Kya I love her." She wheezed. Lin had laid the other a good few feet away from the collapsing house. She smiled and brought her hand up to her cheek. Tears filled her eyes as she stared into Lin's eyes. "Take care of her."

Lin shook her head and clenched onto her hand with trembling fingers. Her hand couldn't even give her strength. "Y-You have to do that. Please. Z-Zhi... please."

Zhi gave her a lightlsmile and caressed her cheek but her strength gave out and her hand dropped. Her head began to lean to the side and her breathing was all she heard. Lin held her hand and stroked it. She couldn't heal her. The least she could do was be there in her last moments. With one last ragged, deep breath she was gone. Lin squeezed her hand as she was losing her best friend. Her tears dropping on her arm.

Lin smacked her hand away and glared at her. "Don't touch me." She didn't yell it, she didn't squeeze her hand. She didn't do anything except utter the words.

But Kya felt all the emotions hit her hard. Feeling her aura felt as if she were in the saddest place on the world. Kya stumbled back and tears filled her eyes.

Lin stared at the other and watched her step back. Her hand pressed against her forearm, feeling the ugly burn marks. "What happened? I-It couldn't have been that bad." Kya breathed as she seemed to have regained herself.

Lin felt her lip raise to a scowl and she grasped the other by the front of her dress and pulled her close. She stared up into her eyes, not even caring for the obvious height difference. "Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD?!" Lin growled as she felt her grip tighten, her fingers going white, the joints in her fingers screamed under the pressure.

"Maybe if you didn't run off in the middle of the night then you would have known what actually happened." She barked. She began to walk forward and Kya took and alternating one back.

"L-Lin."she grimaced as she was shoved back. The little push wouldn't have hurt but the strong fingers of Lin Beifong was no joke. "I was just a kid. I-I just had lost my wife. I-I was hurting." Kya defended herself.

Lin's eyes blazed, the ground beneath them trembled. "Just a kid?" She clenched her jaw and glared at her. "I was a kid too!" She growled. "She was my best friend!" She snapped. The rumble of the Beifong's anger made the stone split. "I... I watched her die." The rumbling suddenly stopped and the broken Beifong stood there. "We were friends before you were her wife." She whispered. "I knew her before you."

Lin took a deep breath and finally looked into her eyes. "It was my fault she died I know t-that." Her voice cracked and she ran a hand over her scars, her nails digging into the scar. The sight made Kya wince.

"I just.... the pillar fell... I ran as fast, as I could." She felt the tear run down her cheek. "She loved you." She whispered. Lin's heart ached as she hung her head and hid her pained face. "She said... she loved you... I-I." She gulped and squeezed her eyes shut. But not me. She didn't... she didnt love me. "How can I let her die. I held the pillar... I made sure it didn't crush her..."

Lin's gut twisted and she turned and looked out to the waterview. "Her last breath hangs in my head, her bright amber eyes are forever burned in my mind."

"Lin I'm so sorry." Kya whispered. She walked over to the other but Lin stepped back. "Lin." She grabbed her by the hand and Lin took a shuttering breath.

"Zhi died. The pillar I held up was on fire, the fire burned so badly and I couldn't even hold it up." Lin looked up at Kya with furrowed brows. "I've never seen someone hate me so much." She gulped and gripped her hand. "For the first time in my life, I saw someone hate me so much you were willing to kill me."

Kya opened her mouth the say something but Lin shut her up with a look. She didn't want Kya to speak. Not at all.

"I know I should've protected her but... it hurt so much." She looked into Kya's eyes and her brows twitched together every now and then. "Why did you blame me for her death?" She whispered. "She was a grown woman and... and she made her own decisions." She glared at Kya before she sighed and just let her emotions fall into a numb impassive face.

"I'm tired of this Kya." She stepped back and rubbed her shoulder. Kya grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think my words would hurt you this bad." She closed her eyes and pulled her in close. "I'm so sorry."

All Lin could do was stand there. She made no move to hug her back, her mind wondered back to the temple. Every night she relived the same dream. With the smell of burnt hair, the smell of flesh and the small hint of blood.

The smell never left Lin's nose, she always smelled and tasted the fire.

[asianhappinesss]

Word of Honor (2021)

Summary

In order to leave the assassin organization The Window of Heaven, the leader Zhou Zi Shu performs an obligatory departure technique, leaving him with three years left to live. He disguises his face and tries to live the remainder of his days as a drunkard wandering the martial arts world.

Three months later, he meets the mysterious Wen Ke Xing, who immediately notices Zhou Zi Shu’s façade. The two then grow closer when they get entangled in a conspiracy regarding the Glazed Armor, a protected legendary key to a powerful armory.

Review

Enough Excitement

In a way, Word Of Honor reminds me of Legend Of Fei. Both are about looking for keys to open a vault that houses some valuable items. But Word Of Honor has a more structured and fast-paced storyline. Viewers are told clearly what the sects are fighting for by the middle of the drama unlike the ambiguities in Legend Of Fei. The excitement is heightened by the mysterious Ke Xing and the whodunnit nature of the tragedy befalling Rong Xuan. Of course, the bromance between the 2 male leads also takes the drama up a notch which is a refreshing change from the usual romances. A Well-Presented Plot Basically, the plot is about revenge and the fighting for keys to an armory. It is nothing new in that sense as these are common themes for wuxia dramas. What sets it apart is the way the story is told. The start can be confusing but once you get an idea on what the story is about, it is easy to get hooked. You will get drawn to both the male leads as their different backgrounds have a melancholic aura and their past links are gradually peeled off as the drama progresses. Thus, there is that chase factor to make you want to know more about what happened in the past and how things will be resolved in the present. I think the screenwriters struck the right balance in maximizing the mysteriousness of the characters while minimizing the ambiguities to avoid causing viewers too much confusion. There are also a few twists and turns to keep things interesting. So, overall, it is a well-executed drama that successfully uses a bromance to flush out the meaty part of the story which leads me to the next point. Acting And Chemistry Personally, I prefer this BL pair than the one in The Untamed. This is because Ke Xing is a very flirty character while Zi Shu has his way of responding to all the teases which is cute to watch at times. The way Simon Gong and Zhang Zhe Han played their roles as soul mates are very easy on the eyes. Even if you are not a fan of BL dramas, their interactions are merely suggestive of what it could be rather being plainly overdone. This is made possible with the great chemistry between the 2 actors who show a lot of depths in displaying their characters. While Zhang Zhe Han’s chemistry with Ju Jing Yi in The Blooms Of Ruyi Pavilion and Legend Of Yun Xi has caught a lot of people’s attention, his cooperation with Simon Gong is just as good, if not better. In Word Of Honor, both Ke Xing and Zi Shu are tormented souls. Both the actors successfully projected the pain needed in some scenes to make viewers feel for these 2 antagonists. You can also see Simon Gong’s intense expressions in his eyes as he projects the anger in Ke Xing’s character. In short, there is nothing to complain about regarding the 2 lead actors’ performance. A Small Weakness For me, a small weakness of this drama is the swift introduction of various characters which has the potential to be confusing for some viewers. Things are pretty vague in the initial episodes as these different characters belong to different sects and you will be at a loss of how they are linked to each other. It takes about 10 to 15 episodes for me to gradually understand the bigger picture. Therefore, Word Of Honor is not exactly a straightforward historical drama such as A Girl Like Me or even The Wolf. Certain things are kept hidden to heighten the anticipation. Hence, you need to have some patience to wait for the reveal. But the upside is the episodes are easy to sit through because the story moves pretty fast and the bromance between the 2 male leads will make you want to follow their adventure. My Verdict – What Else But Watch! Word Of Honor is indeed worth watching. If you are tired of the usual historical romance dramas of generals and princesses, this would be a welcome change. Just like The Untamed, the BL element is obvious but with a soft tone. In the drama, the men are projected as soul mates which is apt as both of them are tormented by their past. So, don’t let that BL label scare you away if you are not into same sex pairings. Furthermore, there is depth of

character in Word Of Honor. Rather than a totally good or bad guy in the usual dramas, Ke Xing and Zi Shu have layers to their personalities. Hence, they are not so one-dimensional. They have committed sins and suffer from guilt and remorse. Ke Xing is also an angry and revengeful man. All taken together, the characters are well-developed which makes them interesting to watch as you get to see both their good and evil sides especially Ke Xing. But ironically, you will still root for them mainly because of the great storytelling and well-planned character development which will beguile you as you watch on. It reminds me of the Night Immortal in Ashes Of Love whereby you could easily relate to the evil side of the character. Overall, I will give a score of 8/10 for this Word Of Honor review. It is hard not to love this drama given the well-executed plot and characters. The fact that you have 2 handsome guys having a bromance is the icing on the cake here. You won’t miss the typical fluff and sweetness that come with the usual romance dramas. The 2 men simply have enough chemistry between them to generate the necessary sizzles for a change.

[lavendertwilight89]

InuxKag Week 2020--Day 5 Instincts Part 2

Steam Rated E

I blame @hnnwnchstr 

SMUTTTTTTT

@inukag-week @superpixie42 @lemonlushff @dangerouspompadour @keichanz @cstormsinukagblog @willowandfog @inuyashaloverforever @xfangheartx @clearwillow  @umacaking @bluejay785 @smmahamazing @murdergiraffe @faulkner-blog @sapphirestarxx @swaggingtomboy @sarah-writes-stories @hnnwnchstr @wolverine1092

It’d been a full moon cycle since Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippo left her village. Kagome was a little uncomfortable with the whole… Inuyasha’s being the great general dog-demon’s son. From the way Inuyasha had spoke about his past, he was ostracized. For being a half-demon. From what he had said how Sesshomaru had treated him, it sounded like he didn’t care for him either.

But after seeing how they interacted in the days they had been together, Kagome began to notice that Inuyasha had been mistaken. Even from her first encounter with Sesshomaru, she noticed he took responsibility of Inuyasha. He was fairly protective of him and seemed like he wanted to keep him check. Sesshomaru wanted him to be apart of the kingdom for the western lands. He made Inuyasha attend meetings, go on scooting missions, and even had him eat a family style dinner with Shippo and her.

Inuyasha had said the bastard kept him locked in a cage and beat the tar of him. But that was when Inuyasha was in his demon state—before he found her; that was before she calmed his demon blood because of his instincts. The instincts that called to her. Because Sesshomaru was another alpha male, he would be viewed as a threat. Kagome learned quickly she was the only one to calm his soul. He never tried to attack Shippo but Shippo also told her it was because he submitted to him the first day they met.

Inuyasha told her he saw Shippo as a pup—blushingly admitted even the detail that he saw him as their pup. Something that brought her great joy that he saw her as motherly. They hadn’t talked further about children, but the way their make-out sessions went, she knew he wasn’t opposed to it. Even when they would cuddle on the futon at night, in his sleep, he often stroked her flat stomach. Sometimes she thought he was awake when he was doing such actions but was too shy to admit being awake. 

Something that began to bother her though was that she wanted to move forward. She had left her village to be with him after all. Not that even if he had rejected her she would have moved on to be with Hojo, but she was growing… uncomfortable.

That actually was probably the wrong word. Frustrated. Sexually. Her body hurt and ached; she longed to be with Inuyasha so much. Originally when they were getting settled, Shippo slept with them in their room. Sesshomaru was the one who moved the kit into his own room. It made Inuyasha mad; but Kagome noticed the annoyance Sesshomaru expressed with Inuyasha as well… 

Inuyasha tried to keep her and Sesshomaru as separate as possible except for when they had dinner together. Sesshomaru made comments that always seemed to rub Inuyasha the wrong way. They always were subtly made about ‘mating’. 

While Kagome played the fool, she knew what they were talking about. Sesshomaru wanted Inuyasha to claim her; Inuyasha, for whatever reason, didn’t. It was strange because when they had left the village, he had made his intensions clear. But now that they were there, in the castle, it almost felt like he changed his mind. Well… that was probably not exactly right. More like there was serious hesitation. She was hoping she could entice him to come back out of his shell.

Maybe he was still concerned she wanted to wait. Maybe the pressure form his brother was turning him off. Maybe he thought she wanted to be certain… things were a little different than when they began courting in the forest. But even then, she was the one who started most of their ravenous kissing wars, pressing to try and do more but was shut down by him every time to a kiss to forehead. Maybe she wasn’t being direct enough. 

One the night of the full moon, she finally decided to take matters into her own hands. After dinner she excused herself to bathe because she was ready. Beyond ready. She was going to try her best to seduce a half-demon. But, she wanted to be clean. Confident. As she dunked her hair into the water to rinse out the soap, she was surprised when she stood up and her upper arms were clenched in the hands of a very intense staring hanyou.

“Inuyasha,” she gasped. “You startled me.”

He just stared at her. Those bright golden eyes bore into her. Like he was staring into her soul. It made her hot. Hotter than the water that had already warmed her body. She realized then she was stark naked staring at a very naked and aroused half-demon. Blushing madly, she tried to bring her hand to her chest, but a thunderous growl made her pause.

“Inuyasha?”

His lips locking with hers made her forget her questions and embarrassment. She immediately moaned and melted into his body. She let him have control over the kiss but vowed that if he dared to falter, she would take control. 

His growl was persistent, but not in a menacingly way, but not the rumble he gave to calm her to sleep; it was a heated arousing show of affection and appreciation of her body kind of way. And her body responded. Wildly. If she wasn’t waist deep in water, she would have had her wet juices seeping onto her legs. She did have to rub her thighs together to alleviate some of the burn he was making her feel. Desperation consumed her.

He must’ve heard the swoosh of the water as his hands left her arms and moved to her waist. One wrapped around her lower back and began kneading her ass as the other slipped between her folds and began to draw circles on her most sensitive parts. 

She cried out before she knew it and could control her voice. Shockingly, it didn’t deter him like usual. It hadn’t made him realize what they were doing—or approaching. She hoped he wouldn’t realize it either. Her body would never recover if he stopped then. OR her pride.

His mouth moved down to her jaw then to her neck where he suckled and nibbled. Whatever sounds were flowing from her mouth clearly were welcomed and egged him on further. Her arms started tracing and memorizing his chest, his abs, his pecks, slowly swiping her fingers against his erect nipples making him groan. His breath caught and his attentions stalled. She slightly panicked before he lifted his face to lock eyes with her.

“Are you sure Kagome?” he asked as his eyes slightly tinged red. His demon-state just beneath the surface and was waiting to strike. The thought only made her mouth go dry. She licked her lips subconsciously earning a low sexy snarl.

“Y-yes. I’m sure. A-Are you?” she panted trying to calm her excited body. It wasn’t working. At all.

“Of course—I had to wait until I was at my strongest to mark you. I wasn’t about to do it in the middle of the woods with my asshat of a brother and our kit watching,” he smirked lowering his head and engulfed her breast in his mouth.

She cried out and arched further into him, wrapping her around his back to hold him to her. All of sudden, the water seemed to be receding from her waist to her legs. She forced her eyes open and realized his hand picked her up from her bottom while he switched breasts and continued to press his fingers around her swollen nub.

“Inu-ya-shaaaaa,” she whined as he laid her down on the tub’s edge. 

“Like that do you?” he taunted, lifting his head from her breast to kiss her again. He was fully transformed but still seemed to have kept his mind intact. She wasn’t at all afraid. She knew he would never hurt her.

“Gods, yes,” she conceded as she lifted her hands to grasp and play with his ears.

His rumble increased as he left her mouth after nipping her chin then proceeded to bite, suck, and nibble down her body. There was no surface of her left untouched or explored. He was clearly learning her, memorizing her. She whimpered as he spread her legs apart and sunk into the water until his hot moist breath fluttered around her core.

“Please,” she begged even though she had never thought he would do something so-so-soooo—intimate. Oddly she knew with anyone else she would find this weird, or be embarrassed and worried out but with Inuyasha, she was reduced to begging him to explore her with his tongue.

She didn’t have to beg long as she felt his wet hot tongue lave between her folds. Fuck!!!!! The shrill cry that emerged from her made his ears flick back. She automatically removed her fingers from them and moved them to his silky hair. She tried to press him further into her—she wanted him to be inside her. She wanted him to swallow every fiber of her being.

“Yash,” she whispered breathlessly, allowing her head to fall back as his tongue entered her and swirling around her opening. The growl he exhaled made her shiver in delight and writhe demanding more from him.

He finally ended her suffering of teasing for what felt like eternity. Constantly being brought to edge to only for him to let her drop back down, Gods, payback was going to be a bitch. He wrapped his lips around her nub and sucked as his fingers had made their way into her, slowly grinding and stretching her.

Her release his her hard. She wailed his name swearing that the entire castle probably heard her. She felt her walls gripping his fingers rapidly. Panting, he kneeled and then lowered to hover over her and began kissing her, bringing her back from her drunken haze of her orgasm.

“Mmmmmmm, Inu-ya-sha,” she moaned desperately trying to pull him down to reengaged the closeness between them.

“Are you ready?” he said gruffly.

“Yes, please, make me yours,” she pleaded kissing him, tasting herself with her tongue that stroked against his fangs. Not having to ask twice, he slammed into her making her yelp. Tears formed in her eyes and she shuddered trying to reign in her discomfort so he didn’t panic.

To her shock, he began to kiss her cheeks and lick away the tears as he let out her favorite soothing rumble from his chest for her. He remained still and didn’t move any further. She figured out he was waiting for her permission. Probably taken aback by her pain and discomfort--not that she was upset with him. She knew it would hurt. While she was a priestess and didn't have the intention to marry, she knew what took place on wedding nights.  Kikyo had been called in multiple times to check and make sure nothing was truly wrong. Most men would just fuck their wives and not worry about their comfort or pleasure. Inuyasha was not most men. That's how and why she fell in love with him. 

Ultimately, she had been surprised he had taken her in that position. She thought about his inuyoukai heritage and thought he would have preferred her on all-fours. Or even that his instincts would demand it. She was glad he decided against it for the first time. Their second time, however, she wouldn’t have minded trying it.

She rolled her hips and pulled a heated moan from his throat.

"Are you ready?"

"Mhm," she said shakily.

"Ugh," he groaned as he pulled out and pushed his back in. She could tell even in his demon state, he was struggling. Like he was trying to control himself. But she didn’t want that.  While she appreciated his concern, his movements were no longer uncomfortable. If anything they to slow; the slow burn wasnt enough. She wanted more-- she wanted all of him.  

Her resolve found, she lifted her hands to cup his cheek startling him enough to still. She could tell she was blushing as she panted beneath him. Asking him, or rather telling him she wanted him as he was, a demon; she knew it could be taken the wrong way.  But she accepted all of him. Exactly how he was. 

"You don't have to go slow; it doesn't hurt. Don't hold yourself back. I want you as you are-- instincts and all."

He looked perplexed and shocked that she had admitted such a thing. She knew from his past he hadn't been accepted but… had she not been clear enough she wanted him? As a half-demon? Not just the half-human inside of him?

The growl of arousal pulled her from her thoughts as he pressed a hard and demanding kiss upon on her lips. Not doubt bruising them but damn, if it wasn't hot.

"I thought you'd want your first time the human way. Something I am not completely knowledgeable about," he admitted shifting above her.

"I'm happy you started there-- but I don't want you to be scared to be who you are. I love you. All of you."

"I'll learn."

"I have no doubt," she purred as he pulled out and flipped her to be on her hands and knees.  "Practice makes perfect. And I don't know about you,  but I intend to practice a lot."

"Good," he rumbled as he thrusted into her. She cried out, but not in pain-- in pure bliss. He kept slamming his cock deep into her core, hard, fast, and Gods, she felt her legs trembling to stay upright from the onslaught of sheer unadulterated pleasure.

His hands clenching her hips digging into her ass was the only thing keeping her upright as her arms have out as she came. A loud cry of a broken version of his name fell from her mouth likely was his only warning when she started to fall. But his arm wrapped under her chest to bring her upright-- her back to his chest. 

"You're not done yet," he groaned into her ear as he licked the shell. 

"Oh, Gods, Yasssssh," she moaned.

A clawed hand started to pinch one of her nipples while the other hand snuck around and started kneading her overly stimulated jewel. 

"Ahhhhh," she sighed, panting, pleading to him.

"I'm close koishii," he whispered.

She whimpered her response, hoping he knew she was too. 

His mouth hovered above her shoulder briefly before his tongue snaked out to lave from her arm to her neck. His fangs pressed into the junction of her and shoulder and she felt her walls tightening around his hard cock.

Wailing her third release of the night, her orgasm almost pushed her into unconsciousness. When his fangs pressed into her neck it kept her awake and screaming. It was an odd sensation. It was beyond arousing-- it would have sent her spiraling if she wasn’t already. The pain was sharp but easily forgotten when she felt the surge of demonic aura flowing through her, blending and melding with her own spiritual powers. 

She felt full. Complete. She would have stayed that way if she could have forever to hold onto that first real feeling of love and belonging.

He relessed her slowly easing down as he pulled out from her. He lifted her into his arms and eased her back into the water holding her close.

"Mmmm," she hummed snuggling into his chest.

"Good?" He asked, his voice losing is demonic gruffness.

"Great," she amended. Lifting her head, she looked into his fully golden eyes and smirked. "Don't fight your instincts again. They know what they're doing."

He smiled softly back and kissed her. All his love poured into her. 

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

[apheamoon]

Lonely Souls - Chapter 3

A/N - Hello you lot! I apologise for how late this third chapter is going up, but I promise you all that posts and chapters will be going up more frequently soon :) Thank you for having so much engagement in the series so far, it really means a lot to me. Enjoy chapter 3! 💗

Warnings - based off the MCU (set directly after the events of Endgame), there’s going to be a slowburn to the relationship, love triangles, slight angst, mentions of death, loss of family.

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“You were thrown off your own ship?!” 

Surrounding Y/N, The Guardians (and Thor) were inquisitive and unsure on how to react to the woman's news. To them, she was still technically a stranger. Why would any of them willingly allow her to stay on the ship if they didn’t know her properly? It was clearly an idiotic move, even for them. In fact, Y/N was reluctant to tell these heroes much about her own backstory. Heck, she didn’t even know much about what had happened in the past 5 years! Sure, that may or may not have had something to do with the way she mysteriously disintegrated, but come on! 

“Well,” She shifted around on the table she had woken up on not long before this conversation had even started, “These skrulls had taken over the ship my crew was on after this whole...Thanos-snap situation, and when I re-snapped back into action, I was on the same ship at gun point!”

She was clearly flustered, especially with the fact that many of her crew mates, and parts of her family, had been taken away from her within a blink of an eye. She saw many of her scavenging crew get shot and killed as soon as they were snapped back into reality. Y/N was one of the lucky ones. When she was re-snapped, she pretended she was already dead. How this worked the woman didn’t know, but it did. And she was left to float through the air. In complete honesty, Y/N was certain she was going to die anyways, especially given the circumstances she was under. But she was saved, by this crew of weird yet wonderful heroes. To her, that obviously meant something. 

“How do we know that you’re not a skrull?” Drax muttered, cracking his knuckles and looking over to Y/N with an intense glare. 

“I am Groot?” Groot added, his eyes glued onto his games console despite the story that Y/N had just told them. 

Sighing, Quill took it upon himself to answer for Y/N. He figured that she was still a little shaken up from her sudden clash with the ship, and if anything he was the one that could help her. After all, he too was human, so befriending Y/N was probably a good thing for him to do. Well, so as long as she doesn’t turn out to be some celestial like Ego, or whatever. 

“I think a skrull can recognise it’s own kind,” He placed his palms on the table in front of him and gave Y/N a sympathetic frown, “You said your family were shot dead in front of you...was that everyone? Or is there anyone else you can think of that still may be alive?”

Y/N went quiet, her eyes looking down at the ground as her lips slowly formed a frown. Jumping down from the table, the scavenger hugged her arms against her chest and looked out towards the peaceful, night sky. There was someone. Someone she was very close with, in fact. But she wasn’t sure if he would want to see her again, especially after the amount of time the two had been apart. 

“Well, are y’just gonna stand there lookin’ like a little princess or what?” Rocket suddenly called out, climbing onto the table and standing near to where Groot was sitting, his dark eyes narrowed into small slits. 

The rest of the crew threw him a disapproving look, and the raccoon’s mouth gawped open. His two paws also went up into the air, and he made a shrugging motion with them. 

“What?!” He exclaimed, a scoff in his tone, “Quill asked t’lady a question and she didn’t answer! I was only lookin’ for an answer myself!” 

Groot shook his head, and took a moment to pause his gaming console. Once he was done, he placed it to the side and patted Rocket against the head, softly, as if to scold him. 

“I am Groot.” He muttered to his father-figure, shaking his head. 

“Right,” Rubbing the back of his head, Rocket sighed and reluctantly looked over towards Y/N, “Did they all die?”

Remaining silent, Y/N turned her head and looked over to Rocket. She gave his face a careful examine - it was clear that this raccoon was just as damaged as the rest of them. It explained his cocky and carefree attitude towards her. He was only trying to protect himself, and of course the family that they had formed. To them, Y/N saw herself as an intruder.

“No,” She answered, her voice soft, “There is one person who I’m pretty sure didn’t get effected by the snap, or would have died for that matter too. His name is Richard.”

“Richard?” Thor piped up, clapping his hands together and grinning suddenly, “It seems to me that you, Y/N, have a little boyfriend? If I’m not mistaken, that is. You two could obviously have just been friends...close friends, that worked together-“

“Thor!” Quill shot the Asgardian a look of disgust, however he too tried to hide a smirk that was forming on his face, “Okay, well...”

Quill’s train of thought drifted off, and his sentence came today a flatline. He was going to offer this Y/N a lift: take her to the planet she thought this Richard dude was going to be on and leave her there. But Gamora kept on coming back to his mind. He needed to find her more than help this stranger find Richard. Right?

Edging into the silence, Nebula decided to ask another question, “If he was alive, do you know which planet he’d be on?”

At the mention of planets, Y/N’s eyes lit up and she nodded over in Nebulas direction. She journeyed to the corner of the ship, where there was a collection of maps of different planets The Guardian’s had been to and explored. Her eyes scanned over the different maps for a moment, her eyebrows narrowing down in frustration, until she gasped and pointed down at one specific planet. Mantis and Drax peered over the woman’s shoulder, looking at the planet she was pointing at.

“Xandar?” Drax questioned, stepping backwards as Y/N went forwards and placed the map on the table.

“Well, Xandar was Richard’s home planet. If anything, I’m sure he’d be there!” The woman explained, looking up from the map and to the rest of the crew with hope in her eyes, “But if you can’t get me there, I completely understand. I’ll just take one of your pods!”

Quill pouted, “It’s okay! We were on our way there anyways, we’re looking for a friend ourselves. You can come with us.”

“Thanks,” Y/N gave her first genuine smile since being on the ship, “Who’s the friend?”

Collecting the map up from the table, she went and placed it back in the corner of the room, not realising the rest of The Guardians had gone silent. Even Groot’s game was paused.

To them, it was still a touchy subject. Even though their Gamora was gone, another one was out there...and trying to find someone that isn’t actually their own seemed pointless and impossible. But they were still going to try. For Quill’s sake, rather than their own.

“My sister.” Nebula muttered, cutting the silence off and walking to the front of the ship, quietly.

Y/N pulled a face, but tried to remain as casual as possible. Nodding slowly, she scratched the back of her head, “Got it. Uh, I won’t ask again?”

“It’s okay,” Quill shrugged, sharing a knowing look with Thor, “She’s just important to us. And we wanna get her back.”

Y/N, could sympathise. Gamora, to them, was like Richard, to her. Important. Good. Loyal. Something any of them would do to get them back. And Y/N was certain she would do anything to get Richard back to her...

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Tags:

@peterspideyy @hayadora

[pvtrichors]

CHELSEA TAVARES , 29 , SHE/HER/HERS , CIS WOMAN  |    hey is that JAQUELYNNE "JAQ " ALMEIDA ? i think i’ve seen the 25 year old walking around THE CUT , so i guess that means they’re a POGUE right ? apparently if the weather’s right, you can find them TAKING ABSOLUTELY NO SHIT, BUT DOING NO HARM  , which makes sense since they’ve got the whole BLISSFULLY HIGH, THROWING THE FIRST WELL DESERVED PUNCH & A GRIN THAT MAKES IT HARD NOT TO MIRROR thing about them . if people had background music , their song would definitely be GIVE ME ONE REASON BY TRACY CHAPMAN 

Jaq was the problem child, the family's disappointment, and the ugly scar on the name they were trying to build. The problem is, that entire town knows and whispers the secrets of her origin story. After all, they remember when she was attending those very same kook events, wearing thousand dollar dresses because it was what made mommy and daddy happy. That changed though, when she was old enough to see where they were all going wrong. Her fall from grace was executed perfectly by the mutual agreement between her and her family that emancipation was best, just after her sixteenth birthday. Their parting gift was the house she lives in now, and it was the last time her father would ever look at her.

Jaq's house was supposed to be a gift, but really it was the definition of a fixer upper, and considering she was a child when she was condemned to that fate, she's had to learn everything the hard way. The house is gorgeous now, but that's because she's taken a long time to learn how to love it, and treat it right. Additionally, she has done all the improvements and "fixing" to her fixer upper her own, with her own money, which is something she is fiercely proud of and will not hear any shit about, either. Anything that required something she couldn't do, was probably paid for the old fashioned way, pizza and beer.

Jaquelynne was a proper name for a proper lady, or at least in her father's eyes. He had been the one to suggest they bastardize it for their first daughter, and make it something that she could grow into. Unfortunately, she didn't grow into his mold, and now she balks at anyone brave enough to throw that government name around. It's just Jaq, but if you make her explain that more than once, you might catch the steel in her voice easier than anything else.

WC: The perpetual thorn in Jaq's side for one reason or another. Wait, let me explain. This is one of the people that she has known since the days that Jaquelynne was a name that was allowed to be uttered, and they do not hesitate to remind her of that. This can be someone who is a tourist (hello, summer love), a pogue, or a kook. It doesn't really matter, but they were close then, and they could even be close now, but there is always a lingering tension between them for one reason or another. It could be as simple as she doesn't enjoy getting a taste of her own medicine (which is usually blunt honesty with the best of intentions and a strong drink to nurse the way the truth hurts, hello platonic soul mate, is that you?), or maybe something else that neither party has really confronted yet (angst? friends to lovers? try me, i light up).

Almeida was a name that didn’t always have it easy, meaning that her father was barely shy of the new money moniker that plagued her grandfather, but that didn’t stop him from the highest aspirations. The man had a point to make, one that would make people start to forget that their family was ever anything less that pristine and perfect, by kook society standards, at least. For awhile, him and her mother spent plenty of time together, they lived a life that was to be envied by design, child free and careless, but it was Mari that would eventually change her mind. 

She had never wanted anything more than to be a mother, not even beautiful destination vacations or the envy of their peers, and her husband couldn’t wait to give her what she wanted. After all, it was one more thing that they could have, and some people would want. When you look back on it, it’s hard to picture the end matching the beginning, but isn’t that how it always is? Their first daughter, Jaq, was born two years after the decision was made, and God, how she shined. The little girl was everything one could ask for, bright, beautiful, bubbly. There was a spirit in her that was unmatched. 

The problem with that was that her behavior, that same spirit, was only cute and left to be adored when it was bottled behind the lips of a little girl. As she became a woman, she started to see what was really going on. She watched how guilt, and stress, tore her father apart, and eventually would turn him on her mother in the worst kinds of ways. It was her fault, all their problems, because responsibility could never be his. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the night that Jaq came home too early, watching her mother bleed into the kitchen sink, adamant that she deserved whatever she’d been given. 

Two weeks later, after exhausting herself trying to not only prove her own worth, but her mothers, the pair of the ended up turning their misplaced wrath on their daughter. Not physically, but not only was she blamed for being the black sheep - too much ,not enough, whatever fit the undesirable mold, was when they announced the plan that would separate them all for good. It was barely passed her sixteenth birthday when she was moving out of her parents house, a child forced to become a woman far earlier than she should have, but despite that? She was determined to keep consequence and circumstance from making her cold, from taking the beauty she kept tight to her chest. 

Determination, spite, however you wanted to say it, was probably what kept her warm some nights, because there wasn’t much more, and the culture shock wasn’t exactly easy to deal with. Some people wouldn’t see her anymore, others refused to see that she was now living their struggle, one that she had never turned her nose up at to begin with. Regardless, it didn’t make a difference, because she would make it, and she would keep kindness like a weapon, until of course, there was too much of a push in one direction or the other. That, and protection, was the key. Jaq was the girl that would let you run your mouth up one side and down the other when it came to her, but there was far less tolerance given when you dared speak bad of her friends or her found family. 

Her parents thought the lesson they were trying to teach her by buying a small house in the cut would be enough to have her acting right in a month, but it just inspired her to finish what she started. That meant that she worked her ass off to provide for herself, and to be able to afford not only the bills she would acquire, but also to improve it, piece by piece, step by step. Now, that same house is  more than comfortable, usually with the couch being occupied by a friend who got too drunk to drive home, or the guest room full with someone who even remotely mentioned they weren’t comfortable or didn’t know where to go. She was the mother hen, in a sense, and would definitely give whatever was needed to keep herself and her makeshift family safe and sound. 

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 7

Evangeline Bruley returns to Cordonia to take over her families Duchy. She was betrothed to the now King, however he is engaged to Duchess Riley but still has lingering feelings towards his first love. What will happen during her time back in Cordonia?

Just using combined tag list if you want to be removed let me know 😊

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree-0816 @gardeningourmet @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @princessleac1 @scarletreesex

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, Swearing, smut, long ass chapter sorry!

A/N : In this series Jackson Walker died when Drake was 14 and Savannah was 11.

*****

“So you managed to fight four men off, one of those men was me. Shame you didn’t recognise me. It would have given you less of a fright today. I assume you received my text?” Evie turned around to face him, studying his expressions - attempting to read him.

“Yes. But my lover, and the King didn’t do anything wrong apart from defend the people they love.” Emphasising the words lover and King- she then scowled at her ex. “But then again you have never understood the meaning of love. Would you have ever told me that you was a Duke?”

“I could say the same Duchess Evie. I loved you then, and I still love you. I fucked up Evie. But I also defended you. I finished yours and Liams hard work off, along with my friend Anton. Liam insisted that I am not welcome to the wedding, he chose you. What’s the story there?”

“Myself and Liam were betrothed to be married since we were children. That’s all you need to know. So I believe that you should toodle pip back to jolly old London town.”

“It’s fate that I am here, fuck the commoner off- and we can start again. Elise left me. I’ve got something for you.” Evie felt smug that the slut had left him before she grimaced at him, her heart sunk as he retrieved the box out of his pocket. “I’ve kept it on me every since you threw it back at me.”

“I’m glad you fucked my so called friend behind my back, I’m glad I found her bra under our bed. I’m glad I threw my engagement ring back at you. So thank you Toby. You have made me realise that quite possibly my soul mate has a been part of my life this whole time. If I was you and this Anton person, I’d escape Cordonia - before your actions catch up to you. I mean, you are bragging that you killed the lords. I hear the palace dungeons can be awfully lonely and eerie.” Baby, you don’t know what else Anton is capable of.

“I’ll take your advise Evie.” Lying, he knew he had to play the game well- keep everyone on his side, Anton knew exactly when he was going to strike again thanks to Toby’s inside knowledge. “If you ever want to rekindle our friendship or relationship, you now have my number. Have a good day, Evie.” This isn’t the end Evie. Kissing her hand, she felt physically sick- watching him walk away, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe, slowly exhaling the breath that she had held in- she was relieved that he didn’t do anything but talk. Unknowingly to him, she was aware that he was following her around the maze. Bingo, no one messes with my lover or my king. Feeling smug with herself for her quick thinking, she backed up the voice recording in every way possible.

*****

“Evie! Are you okay?” Olivia was the first to notice her return, she seemed more calm than when she was when Toby arrived unexpectedly to them.

“I’m great... Everyone there’s something I need to tell you all, or rather show you.” Passing her phone to Liam, she pressed play- they all listened to her conversation with Toby. The main thing they all picked up was about the confession and about a man called Anton. Drake on the other hand, felt as if his world had come crashing down- knowing that she was engaged once up on a time, knowing that she had actually made a decision to marry a man. Even though he knew that that man treat her like muck, he now wondered what it meant for the two of them even if she did suggest that he was her soul mate.

“Evie, can I keep your phone? Well give it to Bastien? For evidence?”

“Of course Liam. Who’s Anton?”

“I- I don’t know any one called Anton. But I guess we will soon find out.” Liam hugged Evie, feeling relieved that he and Drake were off the hook due to her quick thinking.

“Drake?”

“Did he hurt you when you spoke to him?”

“No. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, your ex fiancé turns up-none of us knew that you was in a relationship in London, never mind being engaged. I just wanted to make sure that you was okay.”

“The engagement didn’t last long, it was that short that by the time I told you all it would have been over. Marriage isn’t everything, it’s about being there for the one you love, devoting yourself to them- it’s just a piece of paper. Unless you are those two over there.” Referring to Liam and Riley, she was grateful that he had found someone to become his Queen- even if he still had feelings towards her.

“I suppose. So, I was thinking before- how do you feel about going away for a few days? Change of scenery?” Sitting on his lap, he held her protectively.

“Oh yeah? Like where?” Running her fingers through his hair, she was intrigued as to where he would take her.

“Anywhere you’d like. Your choice. Greece if you want a short travel time? The states- although we’ve already been to Vegas. A tropical island somewhere?”

“I’ve got the perfect place.” A huge grin appeared on her face, knowing that he wouldn’t understand her reasoning for wanting to go here.

“Where’s that?”

“It’s beautiful, it can be romantic. The scenery surrounding it is breathtaking.”

“Paris?” The city of love, she mentioned about us all going. She’s got to be referring to that.

“No much closer to home. Your cabin. The place where you first hugged me.” My fucking cabin? I’ve given you the choice to go anywhere in the world and you choose to stay in Cordonia. Seriously Evie?

Drake wasn’t pleased that his mom had returned to Cordonia for his eighteenth birthday- she had been planning with Constantine a surprise birthday get together, inviting all his close friends and their parents. He still had anger built up inside for her abandoning him and Savannah after their father’s tragic death.

“Drake, your father would be so proud of the man you have become, as am I. You are a fantastic role model to your sister, you are fiercely protective over the ones you love. I propose a toast to my son, to Drake.” Evie noticed that Drake wasn’t his usual self. Excusing herself from Olivia and Liam- she decided to speak to him.

“Hey.”

“Hey Bruley. Enjoying the party? You’re looking well.” Gulping he regretted saying that instantly, hoping she wouldn’t read too much into it.

“Yeah, it’s good to see everyone again. Thank you, I’d say so are you but your personality is lacking the usual sarcasm and that infamous smirk....” Drake forced a smirk on his face, that’s better she whispered to him. “Finally an adult. The first one to turn eighteen- apart from Leo of course, how do you feel? Old?”

“I felt old, the minute I had to care for my baby sister. The minute she left me, left us.” Evie felt a sudden urge to suture her lips in future, guilt raced through her body- she had witnessed on many occasions when she was home how protective Drake was over Savannah and refused help from other people.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to....”

“Don’t apologise, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m sorry Lina.” Pulling her into his embrace he was grateful for her talking to him, resting her head on his shoulder she wrapped her arms around his broad body. They were close, they always had been as they all were. But the fact that she made the effort to see how he was doing- made his birthday. Lifting her chin up, she cupped his cheeks providing him with a soft smile.

“Drake, I’m sure your mom had her reasons, you and I both know what I mean- and I know it’s been hard on you and Sav. But deep down I know she loves you both. If you ever get bored of the palace, my rooms free most of the year. You could help out with the stables at our Duchy - look after Starlight for me. I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind.”

“I might just take you up on that offer.” Knowing for a fact he wouldn’t, but he was just being polite due to her kindness. There was an awkward silence, Evie removed herself from his embrace- deciding to start a new conversation up, hoping she wouldn’t offend him.

“So what are you going to do for the remainder of your eighteenth? I’m surprised Leo hasn’t ordered you a stripper or demanded that you go out with him to a club- not to celebrate your birthday but from a more selfish perspective.”

“I’d rather stay here, drink myself into oblivion and watch porn than be his wingman.”

“Well myself, Olivia, Kiara and Penny could all be your strippers- whilst you drink.” Drakes eyes widened, horror painted all across his face. Olivia despised him, Kiara was his ex, Penny would involve her poodles in the strip tease. Then his thoughts lingered on Evie- one of his closest friends, one who supported him and Savannah when Jackson passed, the girl who always checked in on him, the girl who was always on his mind. Needing to think of something other than Evie and her crazy suggestion- he needed to prevent his cock from becoming hard. “I think I’ll pass. I’m just going to see to my mom- save her embarrassing herself again.” Evie looked over towards Bianca cursing the woman’s actions in her mind- her heart sunk for Drake and Savannah.

“Happy birthday Drakey.” Kissing him on the cheek, she left him alone with his thoughts before joining their friends in conversation. Every so often, she scrutinised the crowd for Drake, making sure he was okay.

“You know that day, I wanted to kiss you so badly after you kissed me on the cheek.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Well I suppose we better go and recreate that scene, imagine that it was all those years ago.”

*****

Drake and Evie left their friends at the palace- he wasn’t sure what they would do at the cabin for a few days without getting bored easily. As Evie described the surrounding was breathtaking- but they were totally different people. Drake could entertain himself as he was an outdoor type of person, but Evie was brought up being a noble- having everything given to her, most people would describe her a ‘spoilt brat’ with her being an only child. However she didn’t brag about it, she just embraced her luxury lifestyle.

“It’s not much, but it’s always been my safe house.” Turning the engine off, they stayed in his truck for a while taking in the scenery.

“Drake, I’ve always admired it- as we all have. It brings back so many memories, I wish we could rewind time back to when we were all younger. So I’ll expect you to set a fire up and make us s’mores as you did in the past. You always did like to be in control with things like this.”

“Just because you nobles had no clue on how to do anything because you all had it handed to you.” He winked at her, hoping she understood his sarcasm and wasn’t offended. He was correct though, he did teach his friends how to do simple every day life things.

“I’d have traded my childhood with you any time.”

“Why?” Is she crazy?

“All I wanted to do was live a normal life, not to be trained up to be responsible for a Duchy- not be a Duchess. Just be Evie. A normal person.”

“You are going to be an amazing Duchess, would you have given it up to live a normal life?”

“I considered it. When my parents called off the betrothal to Liam- Constantine said all I’d be is a disappointment. That’s why I avoided coming back when I could. Now I’m just going to have to deal with it. I’m not even sure if I want to have children to be brought up in this life either. That’s why I’d have preferred to have your childhood.”

“You’d never be a disappointment, not to me anyway. Your mom and dad would be proud of you coming back.”

“I hope so. So what are we going to do?”

“Firstly, I’m going to let you settle in. Then I’ll go to the shop and get us some food- I’ll whip up a nice meal. Then for afters...”

“S’mores.” They both said in unison- laughing.

****

Whilst Drake went to the shop, Evie got in the shower- once she was out, she sat on the couch. Her mind flashing memories of their parents, herself, Drake and Savannah when they were younger.

“Welcome to our humble home your graces and Evie.” Bianca said enthusiastically, attempting to curtsy to be polite but instead nearly stumbling over. Jackson shaking his head as he slowly drank whiskey in the corner of the room - hoping that his wife wouldn’t embarrass them as she always did once the bottle of wine had been opened.

“Thank you Bianca.” Michaela said softly, as Alexander walked over to Jackson. The adults spoke together socialising, Alexander was always intrigued to gain some inside scoop on the King and Queen but Jackson being the professional kept the information confidential.

“Hey Drake, Savannah.”

“Hi Evie. I love your dress.”

“This old thing? You can have it if you want. I’ve got loads of them that are similar. Why don’t we swap now? I can plait your hair too?” Savannah’s eyes lit up, grateful that Evie always gave her her clothes that she didn’t want anymore. Savannah always enjoyed spending time with Evie, as she was an only child she mothered the youngest Walker- giving her attention wishing that she had a younger sister. “Aw Evie. Thank you.” Shortly returning later, Evie raced over towards Drake whilst savannah went to the adults to show her new ‘make over’.

“You are gradually turning my sister into a noble...”

“Hi to you too Drake. Still grumpy I see.”

“Well you are, I’m not lying. Once a grump, always a grump. How’s school?”

“Great.” She responded with a lack of enthusiasm, she loved boarding school- she had that slight bit of freedom. But she knew once she was back at home, that the talks regarding her future would instantly begin.

“Great?”

“Liam texts me all the time. I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back.”

“You’re 13, of course you’re going to have people text you. We all miss you.”

“My phone is for emergencies, my mother said. Not for Liam to harass me.”

“Liam and Evie kissing in a tree...”

“Shut up Drake! I will never kiss a boy, not until I’m married anyway.” Adjusting her posture, she said this confidently- they wasn’t religious but she wanted to remain celibate whilst she was stuck in this arrangement- to avoid any scandals that could ruin her parents reputation.

“Well you’re going to be married to Liam in a few years, so you won’t have long to wait.”

“Don’t remind me.” Rolling her eyes back, Drake sat back on the sofa- quietly laughing to himself. Wondering what the future held for royal family if she didn’t go through with it- believing that Evie wasn’t a true noble, any girl would act as if they had died and gone straight to heaven having to marry a prince. The two of them spoke, feeling comfortable in each other’s company- Drake updating her on their mutual friends life’s. Penelope losing her pup believing that the world had ended. Kiara now speaking fluently in yet another language. Leo running Bastien ragged as always. Olivia not leaving Liam’s side as if she was stuck to his hip. Evie threw her head backwards laughing, knowing that nothing changes every time she returns- Drake stared at her, not in a weird way- he loved her smile and her laugh- and he was hypnotised everytime.

“Son? May I have a word with Evie please?”

“Sure dad. See ya in a bit princess.” Walking away smirking, he knew it irritated her. Deep down he was jealous of Liam and Leo being guided towards all the beautiful girls. She’s just my friend. I’m fourteen- I shouldn’t be getting jealous. I shouldn’t be thinking of her as more than a friend.

“Evangeline, it’s good to have you back home. Have you settled back in?”

“Yes Sir. Thank you.” Sitting down next to her, he shook his head.

“Just call me Jackson. We aren’t nobles so you don’t have to act polite with us.”

“Okay Sir, I mean Mr Walker... Jackson.”

“I just wanted to thank you for making my daughter smile. You are one of the kindest and most incredible young ladies I know. And it’s an honour to know you. You have a bright future ahead of you, you just need to follow your heart wherever that may be.” Assuming he was talking about her marriage arrangement with the Prince, she just smiled at him- wondering if her parents had informed the Walkers about her true feelings. A thirteen year old shouldn’t be making these hard decisions at such a young age- and it was constantly eating at her.

“You know that I don’t want to marry Liam?”

“I think everyone does, but the royal family - including Liam, are just in denial. We know that you are close with him, but don’t make yourself miserable. As I said, you put a smile on my daughters face and I am grateful for that. I just wanted you to know. Maybe you could try and do it to my grumpy pants of a son too.” Both of them turned their attention towards Drake, who was stood with his hands in his pockets- scowling.

“Drakes just Drake, that’s why we all love him.”

“He may not be noble, he’s grumpy, but he has a heart of gold. Have you been to the palace yet?” Evie’s gaze concentrated on the floor, wondering why she was confiding in her friends father- the head of the royal guards.

“No. I’ve been avoiding seeing Liam. He loves me, but I don’t love him back in that way. I’m thirteen. He is more like my brother. I don’t want an arranged marriage, I want to fall in love naturally with someone who loves me for being just me- not the heir to our Duchy.”

“Liam isn’t the crown prince, it’s not too late for us to stop this betrothal. It’s not as important for him to marry urgently once he reaches adulthood.”

“Why are you trying to help me? I don’t mean to sound disrespectful. I just don’t understand.”

“I know what goes on in the palace, I wouldn’t like Savannah to be in your position. Your parents don’t want to be in this position either. I will do everything in my power to help you all. You are still young, so don’t worry about it for now. Enjoy being home, spending time with your family and friends.”

“Thank you Sir...” Raising his eyebrow whilst smirking she laughed knowing he was going to berate her. The similarity between him and Drake was uncanny. “Jackson.” Patting her on the shoulder, he saw his son running over to them.

“Dad, moms fallen over again. She’s just nearly been sick over the Duke and Duchess too. You should take her to bed.” Jackson excused himself from Evie and Drake smiling at the two of them.

“Jackson, she’s getting worse. Do you want us to take Drake and Savannah back with us? They can have a sleepover. We will bring them back once she’s slept it off. I’m concerned about her.” Jackson looked at his children, feeling guilty yet realising that Michaela was talking some sense- feeling like a burden he was undecided on what to do for his children’s welfare.

“I don’t want you to feel put out...”

“Don’t worry. We have plenty of room. The children all get along. Just keep in touch with us.”

Drake opened the doors once he had returned, assuming the noise would startle Evie- he was concerned as he walked over to her quietly, noticing that she was in a trance.

“Hey...”

“Sorry.”

“What’s up?”

“I was just thinking about your dad....not in that type of way, the last conversation I had with him was on this very sofa.” Drake rolled his eyes back knowing that specific day. Two days prior to his father’s tragic death.

“He knew that I didn’t want to marry Liam even offered to help me get out of the arrangement and told me to follow my heart. He was looking weird at us both too.”

“Son, I’m sorry about your mom- you and your sister are going to their Duchy so be nice to the Duke and Duchess. Is that okay?” He asked as he knelt down, placing a comforting hand on his son’s shoulder.

“I’m worried about you. I’ll stay with you. Sav can go with Evie, she will probably enjoy raiding through her wardrobe anyway.”

“Have you got a problem staying with the Bruleys? I can take you to the palace to spend time with Liam instead?”

“No, I like Evie. She’s cool. Out of all the noble girls she’s the only one I like.” Jackson looked at Drake, then focused his gaze onto Evie- the two teenagers smiling at each other unknowingly to them providing the star cross lovers expression.

“You know son, who knows what our future holds - but you should fight for her. The blush has given it away. Don’t worry it’s our little secret. I love you son.”

“He knew about me liking you- that’s probably why.” Shrugging his shoulders, he was annoyed that it had taken this long to confess his true feelings to her.

“Oh really? How much do you like me?”

“I like you a lot. I love you to bits.”

“Good, because I love you too- Drake Walker.”

Jumping in reaction to the door opening and the sudden cold breeze- Drake slowly walked to investigate knowing full well that he locked the door.

Dad? Pausing he knew that he may sound crazy, but he always had a feeling that his father- his hero, was with him at all times. I got the girl, the girl you told me to fight for all those years ago. If you are here, I just want to thank you. And to let you know that the blush keeps reappearing. She’s beautiful, and I feel like the luckiest man alive. I hope you and the Bruley’s are up there having a big party- looking down on the two of us.

“Who are you talking to?” Evie asked as she ambled towards him, wondering why it was taking a long time to close the door.

“No one.” Placing a kiss on her forehead, he held her in his arms- looking up into the starry sky. “Do you want to go outside? I’ll set a fire up, eat al fresco.”

“Sounds perfect.”

*****

Drake set the fire up in a matter of seconds, placing candles around the table for that slight bit of extra warmth providing an romantic atmosphere also. The night brought such a silence that the crackle of the campfire was all that could be heard surrounding them. The intensity of the flames coming from the fire was as if they were dancing- providing a riot of warm colours. The lake nearby provided a tranquil atmosphere even in the moonlight- the reflection of the stars and the moon shimmering along the water.

“It’s so beautiful here.”

“The view is pretty beautiful..” Referring not to their surroundings but to Evie instead. “When you said to Toby about your soulmate....”

“I meant you..” Evie interrupted. “It makes sense in a way. Maxwell was my first kiss- it meant nothing. Liam was my first, and even though we were drunk it didn’t feel right. But with you... it was like fate. I didn’t want to leave you when I kissed you here, but you was so frustrating and I didn’t want to embarrass myself. Then Vegas, for the first time sex actually meant something and I let my insecurities get to me..”

“So why does it make sense?”

“I just assumed that you and Kiara would be married with kids - I assumed the same with me and Liam. When Kiki used to drool over you, I now realise that there was a sense of jealousy. We were close too back in the day.”

“That’s exactly how I felt with you and Li. But, now this is about you and I. I would never marry her, she would be driving me up the wall talking all the different languages.”

“I should really talk to her about us, before someone- or should I say Olivia tells her.”

“It’s none of her business, stop thinking about everyone else Evie. Liam was your first, Kiara was my first but that’s in the past. Let’s think about the present and the future.” Drake didn’t want to give her the opportunity to ask for him to elaborate on what he had just said- like Maxwell she was very persistent. Making s’mores on the fire, she sat next to him and wrapped the blanket around her- watching him in awe wishing she could make the delicious dessert.

“Be careful, it’s hot.”

“I’m sure I can handle it Mr Walker. Thank you.” They both ate in silence, Drake kept looking over at her- watching her lick her lips whilst savouring the taste of the s’mores. He felt his cock twitch- imagining her lips around it. Leaning over to kiss her on the forehead, his lips were soft and warm. Placing the s’mores on the floor, she wrapped her arms around his neck- giving him permission to take her. His lips fell against her rosy cheeks- brushing them ever so lightly as he made his way to her neck. The touch sent shivers down her spine, through her nerves- making her whole body tremble.

Evie knelt on her knees, she knotted her fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against her- roaming his chiseled body under his shirt- every touch she made, made him feel weak at the knees. Groaning softly his arms circled her petite frame, pulling her flush against him as he laid back on the floor, they rolled over on the floor, limbs tangled together, still kissing passionately grateful that no one was around. Feeling his lips on her, they devoured her in a single touch- this touch made her lacy thong under her dress instantly wet. Rolling her over, he stood up- his hand towards her, gesturing for her to follow his actions. As she stood, the blanket that was tangled in between them slowly fell to the floor- his hand positioned on her cheek as if it was a magnet. Caressing her cheeks gently, they both stared at each other- the eye contact providing communication- the desire, the lust. His thumb began to stroke her jawline, creating flutters in her stomach. Pulling his shirt over his head in slow motion- her fingers traced his body once she discarded it on the ground, feeling his hard and firm muscles against her as she guided his lips to hers. His longish dark hair that fell naturally was now impersonating tousled locks, due to Evie running her fingers through it. Drake hooked his fingers through her dress straps, pulling each side down. Softly kissing her shoulders, goosebumps appeared as well as silent moans escaping from her lips. Unzipping her dress, within a few seconds, it was pooled around Evie’s ankles. The heavy scent of his whiskey breath and arousal flooded her instantly- Drake was now her drug, and she was hooked on to him. Unclasping her bra adeptly, she was impressed with his skills- removing it he licked his lips, admiring her perfect body. Guiding his hands down her body, his hands paused under the elastic of her lacy thong- before removing them. Being shirtless with his jeans hung low on his hips, revealing the black waistband of his boxers- Evie bit her lip, wanting to feel him in every way. Noticing her eyes gazing towards his jeans, he removed them along with his underwear- allowing his manhood to be released and to breathe. He reached out to cup her breasts in his palms, his thumbs flicked over her hardened nipples. “Drake...” He was now done for, hearing her moan his name. He drew back and picked her up in his arms. Laying her gently on the floor Evie felt a shudder go up her back- until Drake provided her with skin to skin bond- making her feel instantly warmer along with the warmth wafting from the fire.

Drake dropped back and used his tongue to ignite her. With long swipes, he devoured her instantly. He licked her folds, her back arched and a low moan left her throat. “Evie, you...” Placing her finger over his lips she prevented him from speaking. “Shh... don’t speak. Just love me Drake.” Placing her hands on his cheeks, she guided him back down - his mouth ravaged her between her legs, hearing and feeling her pleasure build up quickly made him feel like he wasn’t going to last long. Evie’s body was now trembling, jolts of electricity racing through her veins. His fingers slid in and out of her, hitting that sensitive spot. Drake slowed down his movements before circling her clit with his thumb, closing her eyes- her last orgasm made him instantly want to claim her as his, feeling smug with himself that he had pleased her. Abruptly he withdrew his fingers, leaving her wanting more- doing this from a selfish perspective as he just wanted to feel himself inside of her. He traced the tip of his finger over his lower lip licking all of her juices off his newly coated fingers. Biting her lip- he looked seductive in her mind. Laying over her, closing her eyes she felt as if the world surrounding them had disappeared-she fluttered her eyes open as he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She was in agony with her injuries, but wasn’t going to resist. Settling his body onto hers gently, she could feel his own arousal- his hard cock in between her thighs, his heavy breathing. Staring deep in to her eyes, his hand massaged her butt cheek and thigh in a tantalising rhythm as she raised her leg- resting it on his side. Showering her body with gentle, soft kisses, each with its own flicker of warmth and love- their lips moving in perfect sync as the kisses became more passionate by every second that went by.

“Roll over Drake.”

“Why?”

“So I can see to you.”

“I don’t want you to. I just want you Evie- allow me to love you as you said before. No speaking.” Nodding, he pushed her legs apart then teasingly rubbing his cock over her clit, her wetness now lingering on the tip of his cock. Removing her hair away from her neck, he then kissed and licked her neck. Without warning, he slid his tongue into her mouth- their kiss was sensual- soon turning demanding.

Moving his hips, his cock was pressed against her entrance- he began to penetrate her, his thick length pushed inside her with a strong thrust. Pausing to allow time for her to adapt, he began to drive in and out- slowly yet deeply, whilst kissing her. The sensation worked her up fast, the passion between the two of them made her release multiple times- each thrust providing love. She shoved her hips upwards towards him over and over, assisting him to deepen the thrusts. Desperately wanting to feel him release and to ride the waves of passion together. Drake slowed his movements down, she felt his shaft pulsing shortly before he released his seed inside her- the warm sensation made her legs feel like jelly- their breathing was now in unison. Both staring deeply into one another’s eyes.

Laying next to her he drew close and kissed her softly.

“Evie?”

“Mmm... yeah?” Still feeling slightly aroused, her mind was in a daze as she laid in his arms.

“You are beautiful, the most incredible person I know. I’m scared that one day you are going wonder what the hell you are doing with me.” Sitting up, she looked at him with frustration- furrowing her eyebrows as she turned her body towards him. Drake had always put himself down ever since they were younger, always lacked confidence.

“Drake... you’re never going to lose me.” Unless some fucker kills me. “That is my vow to you- I love you.” Vow? She just means a promise- I’d marry her in a heartbeat though.

“I love you too Evangeline Grace.” There was no wind present in the air, the candles and fire flickered as a cold breeze passed them- fate, he thought to himself. Shaking his head he silently laughed in his mind, holding Evie lovingly they watched the stars above them- both feeling content.

*****

Bastien was due to clock off from his shift- immediately knowing that Olivia was waiting for him. Knowing that his duty for the royal family was his priority- he was always eager to finish work. He had watched Olivia grow up and never believed that she would see him in the way that he sees her- in the back of his mind he believed that most people would believe that she saw him as a father figure rather than a lover. Hearing the commotion coming from the palace entrance - he rolled his eyes back knowing that he would be doing overtime again. Following the noise, he dread to think what was happening.

“Where’s my son! I need him now....” Slurring there was a crowd surrounding the woman on the floor. Liam and Olivia tried assisting the woman up, until she became incontinent. For fuck sake, the guard muttered to himself. Joining the crowd he asked for everyone to leave.

“Liam, take Duchess Riley upstairs immediately. I’ll deal with her.”

“I’ve tried to explain that he isn’t here, but she won’t take no for an answer.”

“I’ll escort her out. Don’t worry about a thing your Majesty.” Olivia insisted on staying with her partner, she had never really liked the woman in the first place but seeing her in this way made her feel sorry for the people involved past and present.

“I need my son... this place killed his father... the Royal family and the Bruleys turned him against me... get me him now...”

“Bianca, Drake is indisposed at this moment in time.” Bastien explained calmly, frustrated that she could arrive in Cordonia unexpected in this state.

“Mrs Walker, your son is finally happy for once in his life. Go back to yeehaw land and leave him the fuck alone!” Olivia hated defending Drake, they had never been close but this woman that called herself a mother was a mess.

“Fuck you ice queen... I’m saving him from all of this... all of you... Jackson died because of this place.”

“No Bianca! Jackson died because of you!”

[piprocrastinator]

Ease of Mind

This one is super duper long.

This story has love confusion, snuggles, and even some kisses. Some JoongNine coming at ya.

(I actually posted an excerpt of this a little while ago and finally finished it, after altering it a few times because couldn’t decide how I wanted it to end.)

Rated: T for T because of language.

Word Count: 12,230

We recognize a soulmate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soul mate without losing his or her love and respect. – Linda Brady

The day he stepped into the practice room for the first time, he knew that Joong was something else. Since the first moment, he laid on eyes on this kid -correction this boy, no, man? No, he was still under eighteen that’s a boy.. teen?- Nine knew Joong was going to be a pain in his ass. He was loud, boisterous and had more energy than one should hold within a singular body.

The damn energizer bunny, that’s what he was.

How was this kid supposed to be ‘Ming’? Ming who was like a puppy, and flirtatious? Joong flirtatious, yeah right.

Somehow though, he managed. Joong reeled in his energy, positioned it towards the art and, somehow, he made a pretty good Ming.

Although it had taken many hours -and days- of practicing lines and acting cues. Plenty of sessions centered around getting to know each other. Copious amounts of coffee, sleep deprivation, laughter, jokes, hugs, kisses, acting, teasing and maybe just a dash of luck -and fate. Something changed between them.

Somewhere between late nights were they ran lines together and Nines friendly personality pulling Joong into a zone that made him feel comfortable, they became …friends. Yeah, real and true friends.

Joong likes to think it was fate -something like soulmates maybe, Joong said once- that made them friends, Nine says luck but does it really matter.

All that matters is one moment they were strangers and the next best friends. Their friendship grew fast and it grew strong.

It was great because that meant that on-screen they gave good chemistry but also off-screen they delighted fans with fan service and moments to hold onto. It allowed them to grow a fan base. They were able to just be themselves, enjoy life while doing their job of bringing fans into the show.

Nine was thankful that Joong had found him. Nine liked to be needed, liked helping others, being the center of their attention. It was selfish in a way but it worked out because Joong needed someone too. Joong needed someone to help him get over his loneliness, lend him a hand, be there for him. Joong needed Nine and Nine needed Joong. They balanced each other’s needs.

The only problem was that because of their closer relationship they could easily pick on each, this lead to squabbles, quarrels, and fights. Most of the time they meant nothing, stuff said out of fatigue, exhaustion, or hunger. Sometimes it was accidental slips, words not meant to come out but did. Feelings that slipped through the cracks. Joong was young and impressionable. Joong was sensitive. Joong liked constant reassurance and hated people threatening that reassurance. He hated people teasing about Nine moving on from him, or even the thought that Nine would choose someone else over him.

Because their relationship shifted from stranger to friends so easily and quickly, it didn’t take long before Joong asked to stay over for the first time. It was often that Joong would come over to study or to just hang out. To just not be alone.

Nine had friends over all the time so it wasn’t anything new, or out of the ordinary, or strange. It was late, they had just finished studying and Nine was a good friend. He was a good older friend, who had an apartment.

So when Joong ask if he could stay over in between a yawn, Nine didn’t hesitate to say yes.

His new room, the room was a small one-room apartment, meant for one. His previous room had been a bit bigger, big enough of a futon on the floor, this one, however, did not have as much room. There was little room for anything extra, like say another place to sleep, like a couch or a futon. Especially not a place large enough for one giant man child.

That left the only sleeping option as (hold for dramatic music) the bed. As in the singular kind. Meant for one. The bed that Nine knew could fit two but was small, and emphasis on, made for one.

He wasn’t going to let Joong sleep on the ground, it was cold, dirty and to crampy for sleeping. There was just enough room for walking.

And he wasn’t going to send him home this late. What kind of friend would he be if he did that? A bad one and he was no bad friend.

Ignoring the weird feeling in his gut because why would he feel weird about letting a friend sleepover. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t weird. Why was he being weird? He wasn’t. Ok cool, yeah good you got this Nine. Just breathe and stuff. Nothing strange happening tonight. Or ever.

He mentally facepalmed before taking a deep breath to try and collect his thoughts.

Once his thoughts seem to fall back into their normal lines, he began the journey to sleep. They picked up their mess from studying, showered -separately of course, though it was perfectly acceptable for friends to shower together but that thought of seeing Joong naked did something to Nine that he wasn't sure of and did not want to investigate any further. So separately- changed and then he laid out the ground rules. Which should be expected, right? “No groping, snoring or drooling in the bed or I’ll kick you out.” Simple enough.

Joong smiles, flopping down on the pillow he was given. The bed shifts with his weight in a way that feels weird to Nine. It shouldn’t. They were just laying together in the same bed. And yet. The blankets cascading around Joong, his hair damp and tousled, light flush over his skin from the warm water. “You’re becoming more and more like Kit the further we get into filming, you know.”

Nine pouts, crossing his arms over his chest because, no, he was not. No one -not a single soul- liked drool on their pillows. He opened his mouth to comment when a yawn from the other party stopped him.

Joong was there, on his side of the bed, eyes closed, hand curled by his face looking like the most adorable thing Nine had ever seen. It wasn’t right? Joong wasn’t supposed to be adorable, especially not when he slept.  He was the giant energizer bunny baby, man-child.

And yet, he was.

Joongs lips parted ever so slightly letting out slow puffs of air, as he drifts further into sleep, his nose twitching just so, small tufts of hair brushing his temples as his checks darken with sleep before his face relaxes completely.

It just wasn’t fair that Joong was so cute, Nine thinks with a pout as he turns off the light.

That one night turned into two, -three, four, five- and soon it felt like Joong spent more time at Nine's place than his aunt's apartment. Nine still thought Joong was cute, that strange thought never seemed to go away but sometimes it got overridden when Joong did something gross like tried to sleep in his dirty clothes or that one night when Joong got sick and puked on the bed. That wasn’t cute but Joong was mostly asleep because of his cold so Nine could almost excuse it. Almost. Maybe. It was still gross.

Somewhere around the third week of sleeping over, it happened.

The first time it had happened, it had startled Nine out of his sleep, throwing him back into reality like a jolt of lightning. He blinked into the darkness trying to figure out what had happened. Everything seemed to be in order, the door was still shut, lights were off, Ac on, blankets on.

Man, the blankets were really warm tonight.

Was that what it was, was he too hot? He shifted to remove the blanket and something tighten around his waist.

Something … around his waist?

Hold up. Why was there an arm around his waist?

Reaching down he tentatively touched the arm, the fingers tightened around his ribs momentarily before settling back into their relaxed position. Then he noticed Joong’s breathe against his neck, and the soft heart beating against his back.

He gulped. Should he move or stay… Move or stay... Move or-

He reaches over to the Ac remote and turns it up a notch. Joong was really warm in his sleep. He settles back, pressing his back into Joong’s chest. This wasn’t weird because Joong was asleep. Joong was asleep and he started it, therefore, it wasn’t weird. It was comforting. Like one of those gravity blankets, he had heard about, putting just the right amount of pressure and warmth to create the safest of places. Plus it was dark and they were asleep, it didn’t matter.

His mind seemed to quiet down as the soft heartbeats rumbled into his chest through his back. The beats were asymmetric to his own. Joongs then his.

Ba-dum           Ba-dum.

Ba-dum           Ba-dum

It was a new rhythm all its’s own, such a soothing rhythm. How could two hearts beating, be this calming? His mind filled with sleep as his eyes grew heavy. The fingers twitched with sleep against his ribs.

Then the rhythm seemed to shift ever so slightly.

Maybe in a way, he liked it better.

Ba-dum Ba-dum

Ba-dum Ba-dum

After that first time it happened, it kept happening. Again and again and again. Like, the first night was the opening of flood gates. Or like the first step into a new habit. However, Nine never mentioned the night hugs and neither did Joong. Maybe it was like a secret.

If Nine was being honest he wasn’t entirely sure Joong knew about them because it seemed whenever morning came the limbs were gone. Poof, like they were never even there to begin with. Nine couldn’t tell if Joong was doing it intentionally or just as a reflex of sleep. But every night without fail, Nine would find himself encompassed in arms and legs. And that stupid rhythm lulling him to sleep.

It didn’t matter if they went to bed at 9 pm or 2 am, about an hour later, the limbs attacked. Like tentacles from the Kraken, swooping in undetected till, boom, too late your captured.

Nine tried to dislodge the limbs, not because they were uncomfortable because they should have been and they weren’t. Actually quite the opposite. He liked them. Preferred them over without them. Maybe that was a little nerve-racking, in and of itself, because he was so used to sleeping in his bed, alone, that now that some giant baby, man-child has taken over, he’s suddenly more comfortable sleeping with than without.  

Which was, you know, unacceptable.

You can’t just suddenly be this comfortable with a person. Suddenly allow them to take over parts of your life that you thought you had control over. Suddenly allow them to be a major comforting factor in your sleep.

Maybe he was in a tad bit of denial. Or maybe he wasn’t. He honestly wasn’t sure.

He thought that maybe he could somewhat shift them back into their old ways. Trying to create the old atmosphere, where they slept apart. Then everything would be normal again. Yeah totally. He would understand everything again and not be confused.

Easy plan.

He would move the limbs, they would stay away and then he could he would go back to his old sleeping ways. He could go back to sleeping alone or at least on his side of the bed. They could be two separate people, and not one, at night again.

Perfect plan.

One night -ok maybe more realistically a few nights- he had tried to push the limbs off, he would toss the arm back. Then push the legs away. Then push the body further away. It was step by step process because Joong had a bigger mass than he did.

(Even though he went to the gym, Joong would always be bulkier than him. Such a shame. Sometimes he really hated his tiny genetics. All it gave him was the cute appearance, would he ever be able to pull off the same type of look as Joong? No. But that’s ok. It’s definitely a tangent that he tries to not think about too often because it’s not something he can change.)

He would get just enough time to where he could begin to fall asleep before he would feel the warmth and limbs creep back in. Sometimes roughly, an arm being thrown back over his body, knocking the wind out of him momentarily (feeling like a punishment for trying to move the limbs in the first place) and sometimes softly, like it was trying to sneak upon him, hand sliding over his body, tentatively, delicately, softly to pull him close.

But he was nothing, if not persistent. So he continued to push the limbs away.

When he -finally- came to the conclusion that straight-up pushing the limbs away wasn’t going to work, he tried other things.

One night he tried turning on the AC higher temperature to make the room hotter in hopes that maybe Joong would stay away to stay cool. You know because if the room was hot, you would stay away from the other heat source near you in order to stay cool. Seemed logical. Made sense.

That turned out to be a failed plan very quickly because not only did those octopi like limbs not stay away, they both woke up sweaty and grumpy from uncomfortably hot sleeping arrangements. The next day he had been horribly sleep-deprived and almost fell asleep in class too. He was not doing that again, that’s for sure.

He tried to turn the AC way down in hopes that maybe Joong would curl into himself.

That plan, however, was flawed from the start. Which he should have realized it was a bad plan from the start but he was actually glad that Joong had stuck to him like glue because he became Nine's personal heater. What a twist that was. It was a -surprisingly- great sleep too. Something that Nine hated to admit. Something he would never admit out loud, that’s for sure.

After that he realized that there wasn’t a way for him to actually remove the limbs without A) either removing the person from the bed, which wasn’t really in the cards or B) Telling Joong that he was a booby trap of a sleeping body and he should keep his limps to himself at night. He didn’t really want to tell Joong though. He also, maybe, kind of, didn’t want to lose the limbs.

Maybe that’s why his attempts had failed. They were bad plans and he wasn’t really trying that hard because maybe, in some way, he didn’t want to lose their night time sleeping arrangement.

Maybe, maybe he kind of liked it.

Maybe Nine liked to have his own personal heater at night,- as long as the AC was set to a good temperature- because otherwise, Joong was too warm. Stupid energizer bunny and his stupid amounts of energy that create a warm body temperature.

Joong didn’t seem to notice his efforts to push him away at night nor did he notice how the room stayed just a bit colder from then on.

Maybe, Nine realized, he didn’t want to go back to his old ways of sleeping alone.

Nine had just managed to stumble through a shower -how he took a shower with his eyes closed he would worry about in the morning- before landing in bed just as his mind began to shut down to the world.

It had been a long day, really long. He had an early class, then a test, a meeting with some future work possibilities, a meeting with the company, and then his acting workshop. Then afterward – maybe because he had masochistic tendencies- he had accepted his cousin's request to do a dance together, so he had dance practice with her.

Now, he would admit that he wasn’t the best dancer, it wasn’t a skill that he was vain about or anything. He could do it fine enough and he enjoyed it and so when he received the request he thought ‘why not’. Well, now he realizes that maybe he should have checked his schedule better because he still needs more practice and then they have to film it. Although with his upcoming schedules meeting with her more than once might not be possible, maybe he can get her to film next time they meet instead of putting it off more.

He tried to let work thoughts leave his mind so he could make room for good dreams instead but it just wasn’t working out. He tossed to one side, the cool blankets just irritating him. He rolled to the other side. He was so tired. He was literally too tired to open his eyes during his shower why was he struggling now? He felt stuck in this middle ground between sleeping and being awake. Like he was floating through a fog of sleep instead of into it.

This went one for what could have been minutes or hours, not nearly enough time when he heard a knock or two. Wait, scratch that, like a billion knocks. Did this person not know what nighttime meant?

Groaning, he pushes off the bed, stumbling over the clothes he tossed off in his sleepy entrance to his apartment before grabbing a pair of boxers and slumping into them when his brain finally processed his nudity.

“What?” He growled as he swung open the door, one eye refusing to open all the way and the other opening just enough to glare at the dark figure in front of him.

A shaky sigh answers him and then “You’re not wearing clothes.” The tone was odd, it was soft like the speaker was afraid and maybe the slightest of berating to it.

“I have underwear on.” He snaps back, leaning against the door, it was too late for anyone else to be still up so he could care less about his current state of clothes, or rather lack thereof. If he wasn’t so tired maybe he would care more. Maybe. It's debatable.

Silence and then Joongs small voice, “Nine?”

Nine shifted to push off the door, one hand rubbing his eye while the other reached out palm up, to Joong, who took the invitation. They made it two steps into the room, the door shutting softly behind them before Nine was swept into strong arms, secured tightly around his waist. He could feel the strong timbre of Joongs heart beating rapidly against his chest accompanied by a wet exhale against his neck.

He sighed, sleep momentarily forgotten as he wraps his arms around Joong’s neck, one hand curling in the hair at the nape of his neck, standing up on his top toes to press their cheeks together. Nine notes the dampness against his face, letting his fingertips scratch delicately along the base of his neck in a soothing manner. He remembers his mother doing something similar when he was young whenever he got upset. It always made him feel better so he hoped that it would work with Joong too.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, softly like a breeze.

“It’s stupid. So stupid.” Joongs presses his face into Nines like he wants to turn or run away but instead has settled for just pressure. Wet cheek against dry -damp- cheek.

“Obviously not.”

“I’m just conflicted." Joong gulps, breathing in. "Everything is so... confusing.”

“What is?”

“I just-“ Nine can feel the flex of his jaw, tightening of his lips before he feels the slow exhale as Joongs face relaxing. Nine can almost feel the thoughts running through Joongs head.“I just ... miss them. It’s really silly because I choose this but it’s Mother’s Day and mom is sick and it’s not anything more than a cold. I know, but I’m here and not there. What if it was something bad? What if something happens to them? What if-” Joongs stops, exhaling like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Nine lets the silence be for a moment, gives Joong a moment to collect himself. “Joong it’s ok to be worried when you’re so far away from your family. No one thinks you’re stupid. I promise. And if they do I’ll show him the old one-two punch.”

He shifts as body as if getting ready to punch but the arms pull him in tighter. Nine breathes in as another stream of wetness attaches to his cheek. “You know you can spend time with me and my mom tomorrow. I know it’s not the same but she loves like family. Plus we sent out that present to your mom two weeks ago, she should be getting it soon." Nine rubs Joongs neck again in some nonsensical pattern. "You’re a good son and your family loves you. My family loves you too. They can be, no, they are your surrogate family while you here.”

Joong lets out a small wet chuckle. "Thanks."

“Plus no matter what happens,” Nines calves ache from their stretched position for so long but he ignores them in favor of leaning more on Joong. “I love you and I’ll always be here for you. And if you think something bad might happen you can always fly back to your family.”

“Yeah.” Joong breathes quietly the word in disbelief as he tilts his head just so, lips touch Nines checks. It’s a soft almost nonexistent kiss. As if he’s just reassuring himself that Nine is there. “Can I stay here?”

Nine drops back to the flats of his feet to look into Joongs eyes, one eyebrow raised before rolling his eyes with a smile. “I’m going back to bed.” He waves a hand flippantly towards the direction of the bathroom before falling back onto the bed and burying his face in his pillow.

There are a few moments with no sounds of movement than a soft step and the sound of the drawer being pulled out. The drawer that sticks when it's closed all the way and most times when you pull it out if it’s not done in the correct way. Joong knows how to wiggle it just so and it works every time for him. That stupid drawer. Joongs drawer, Nine mind supplies as he hears the wiggle before the draw closes without resistance. Stupid drawer.

A few steps, a door closing and then shower starts. It’s weird, this realization that Joongs has a drawer. There was no talk about it. He has just stayed over so much and had left so much stuff behind, that Nine had started putting his stuff in that drawer. At first, it was a joke of sorts because Nine always had trouble with the drawer and he had hoped at first Joong would too but he didn't, quite the opposite. Then more stuff started appearing in the drawer and now, its Joongs drawer. His very own drawer...

Actually, there was a part of the closet that held Joongs stuff as well. His toothbrush was in the bathroom, along with his other toiletries like shampoo and face wash. A sticker on the mirror Joong had put there. Joongs favorite drink in the fridge. His favorite snacks in the cabinet. There was Joong all over the apartment.

He had meant it when he said that Joong was family. He loved Joong, just maybe in a way that he didn’t fully understand but he loved him none the less. Joong was his best friend and someone he felt completely comfortable with. Someone who made him feel safe and warm. Someone he didn’t mind sharing a room or even a bed with. His… someone.

Opening his eyes Nine looks to the other side of the bed. Joongs 'unofficial' side of the bed, because it was the closest to the AC and he was always warmer than Nine. The pillow stood out among the sea of greys and blacks with its red color. A pillow which he knew smelled of Joong and next to it was a round plushie with a smiling face and red circle checks. A squishy mochi. Joong had won it from a claw machine because ‘it’s got Nines squishy checks’. Nine lazily poked one of the ‘squishy’ checks on the plushie. His cheeks were better.

There was so much Joong in his apartment that he couldn’t remember a time when it wasn’t there. Which was weird because they had only known each other for a year now, maybe, and yet somehow, they’ve become this close. He let his fingers trail off the plushie and onto the pillow. He doesn’t want to imagine a time when Joong decides to move back to Turkey to be with his family.

It’s a selfish thought to have but he can’t help it.

“You’re still awake.” Joong sounded surprised, as he stands there rubbing his hair with a towel, the only light in the room was the moonlight through the half-covered window. “It’s late.”

Nine hummed in reply, closing his eyes. The thump of the towel hitting the floor - He would nag about Joong not putting it up properly in the morning - signaled Joongs arrival to the bed. Then into the bed, as it shifts to accommodate the new weight difference. Nine expected arms around him but when none came he looked over to Joong.

There in the shadows of the night, this boy who is usually full of energy, lay silently, staring up at the ceiling. The barely-there light covered his face with darkness in all the wrong places.

“It’s late.” Nine echoed before shifting, pushing Joong to lay on his side. Stopping the minimal protest with a 'tsk' before wrapping his arms around Joong’s waist.

He didn’t fit as well in this position as he did in front because his body type was smaller than Joongs but he would make due. Rubbing his nose against the back of Joongs neck, one hand placed over Joongs beating heart while his other hand let soft fingertips dance along Joong's side. He wasn't as big or as warm as Joong was but he could be soothing like this too. He could protect Joong when he needed it, help him get to sleep during tough times. HE wanted to be there as much for Joong and Joong was for him.

It took a while but eventually, he heard Joongs breathing even out into sleep before he followed after, nose buried in the nape of Joongs neck.

Nine was standing at the counter, the hot plate warming the vegetables. A bowl of meat set to the side in preparation while Nine gets the slurry of curry cube and water ready. He paused as he rinsed his hands, eyes blurring momentarily as they droop with sleep.

“Why am I doing this for you again?”

“I’m studying.” Joong's voice was muffled through the half wall followed by a soft hum. It was a recognizable tone. Nine tilts his head as he listens.

That’s right. “It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone.” He starts with a smile, Joong chair clatters against the floor as he rushes over.

“And I need you now.” He tags in like always. The smile on his face never fails to fill his heart, mind, and soul with happiness.

“And I don’t know how I can do without,” Nine ignores the fact that Joong skipped a line as he grabs Nines hands and beginning some odd version of a waltz including the spinning and one dip as they continue to sing the song. So what if they missed a few words (or lines). So what if their dancing was horrible and Joong stepped on his foot (more than once). He got him back -by accident- a few times, so it was fair.

So what if they laughed until the stench of burning vegetables pulled them back into the present.

Nine wouldn't trade this moment for the world as he saved the remaining -not as burnt- vegetables and cooked the meat. Joong humming beside him. The songs changed as Nine finished the meal, turning to more quiet songs until the infamous song began to fall from Joongs lips as the last minutes ticked by before the food was done.

“Baby take my hand,” Joongs fingers threaded through his, “I want you to be my husband.”

“I just cooked your food, if that’s all it takes you’re going to marry a lot of people.” Nine jokes, trying to pull his hand away. Because he needed to use it for cooking not because it made his heart flutter just a bit.

“Cause you’re my iron man,” Joong continues, his smile growing.

“I thought you only like it when I sing it?”

There was a pause and Joong let go of his hand for a moment before pushing him back against the counter, bracketing him in with his arms. “ Baby, take a chance.” He said softly, eyes glimmering. "Cause I want this to be something."

“Food-” Nine whispers back, heart racing in his chest as Joong leans closer. Nine mouth feels so dry that his tongue is sticking to his teeth, he swallows, twice, trying to quell his sudden nerves.

“Straight out of a Hollywood movie.”

“F-Foods ready.”

“Thanks!” The sudden exclamation startles Nine but he slaps on a quick smile, mostly to hide his nerves, as Joong reaches around him to grab a bowl.

Nine doesn’t wait for any further incidents to happen before he makes his way back to the warm inviting arms of his bed that he had been pulled from an hour ago. The bed didn’t seem as comfortable as it was before though. The blankets were too cold, the pillow wasn’t fluffed right.

Nine huffs as he pulls the covers over his head trying to ignore the sound of Joong prancing in the kitchen as he ate.

He should be mad at getting woken up at, who knows when in the morning, after spending all night tutor Joong, to make food for Joong but he wasn’t. He should have been mad at the loud half-humming and half-singing in-between bites that Joong was doing mere feet from his bed, but he wasn’t.

He wasn’t even mad when the covers got pulled away so Joong could show their fans his face as he praised him on his cooking skills.

To be honest he was only mad that it took so long for Joong to finally get to bed because before that moment Nine was stuck drifting between awake and asleep until he was captured in those long arms.

He couldn’t tell if he imagined it or not but just as he finally drifted fully into sleep he felt soft lips press against his nape.

It was probably his imagination though.

Nine rolled over, the sun rays just barely peaking in through the window. The curtains only partially covering the window in a poor excuse to block the light, which he really should fix because no one lights getting woken up so early by the sun.

Joong lay beside him, limbs splayed out like a starfish, mouth cracked open. He had plenty of time before he needed to be up, so much so that he defiantly needs to go back to sleep. Yet, he couldn’t. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to will himself back to sleep but after a couple of minutes, his eyes opened again, refusing to close for sleep.

He pouted and shifted, pulling the covers closer, and closer, stuffing them between his legs. Closing his eyes again and nothing. He rolls over to face away from Joong pushing one leg out of the burrito of blankets he created. Closes his eyes and guess what, nothing.

He sighed. Rolling back over again, pulling the covers over his face as he huffs. He doesn’t want to get up yet. He wants to sleep.

“Nai,” Joongs voice fades out, he shifts. Nine holds his breath as he peeks out of the blanket with one eye to see Joong still sleeping. He waits with bated breath. Then he shifts his legs again as he tried to find the perfect position when an arm curls around him pulling to Joong's side.

“More minutes,” Joong mumbles as he pulls Nine close, laying him over his chest. Nine stares out of the little hole he created in his blanket burrito at his still sleeping friend. What now? He tried to move but the arm was still there, holding him close

He lay his head down on the chest, heart beating right into his ear. It’s the same rhythm that puts him to sleep most nights. He wonders if it could put him to sleep now-

The next thing he hears is his alarm going off, he feels Joong shift and the alarm goes silent.

“Nai “ Joong mumbles out, “Time to get up.”

Nine was still cradled against Joongs chest, blankets had shifted to cover them both instead of burrito just him. It wasn’t super comfortable to sleep against a chest but it was comforting. Comforting in a way that was uncomfortable to Nine.  Which was too deep for morning thoughts to be.

Then a nose nuzzled the crown of his head before dropping a small kiss before Joong extracted his limbs.

Nine pretended to be asleep as Joong shuffled around the apartment until Joong deemed it necessary to get him up. There was little resistance when Joong pulled the blankets off and ushered him to the bathroom.

After that Nine managed to make it through the day with normality and like protocol neither mentioned their sleeping arrangement. Which was great, super fantastic-

“You wanna go drinking tonight?” Nine asked hours later as he walked out of class. Ben on the other end of the line hummed.

“I guess. Random hoes or you want the crew there?”

Nine smiled he knew he could count on Ben. “Random, so no Earth and no Pavel.”

Ben made a noise something between shock and amusement. “Chen?”

“No.” Nine almost shouted in his hast. He could feel the smirk through the phone and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

“I see.”

"See what?"

Ben never did answer what he ‘saw’ but they did manage to dance in a crowd of strangers and drink until Nine wasn’t sure which way was up and which way was his feet. Ben defiantly wasn't any better, maybe even worse. Though Nine couldn't tell. He's going to say worse because Nine is a good kid and as long as someone is drinking more than him he doesn't feel that bad.

Although realistically it's probably him. Most definitely him.

“Do you want me to call you a cab?” Earth said as he helped Ban off the couch, the boy had passed out a couple of minutes ago. Thankfully, in Ben's case, he had been drunk texting Earth and because Earth is a sweet boy who was concerted for Ben's safety, he decided to come and take him home. Such a sweet boy, that Earth is.

“No.” Nine tried to stand but stumbled back into his seat with a giggle. "I’m independent. I don’t need a cab.” He waggled his finger and tried to throw a sassy look.

Earth seems wholly unamused. “I’m calling Chen then.”

“Nooo.” Nine whined, pouting as he lightly flailed his arms against the couch. He was not acting like a child at the moment. But his arms sure were.

“Cab or Chen?”

Nine deepened his pout and added puppy eyes. The puppy eyes always get him what he wants. Earth did not fall for that trick and instead called a cab before helping both Nine and Ben outside to wait by the curb.

“What if I wanted to drink more?” Nine whined as he leaned against the light pole, the cold seeping in through his clothes felt nice against his hot skin.

“No.”

Nine stuck his tongue out. “You're not my mom.”

Earth shots him a look that could have killed him but the alcohol lucky saved him. Score one for alcohol. Wait, two because it got him to this point. Two points for alcohol.

“I should have called Chen." Earth huffed, glancing over to Ben who was slouched over on the ground passed out. "He’s better at handling you.”

“Not true-“ Nine squeaked as Earth pushes him into the cab the moment it arrives at the curb, told the driver his address and slammed the door just as the next cab showed up. Efficient, Nine thought vaguely as the cabbie drove off.

“Long night I see.” The cabbie glanced at him through the review mirror.

“Yeah.” He huffs.

“You sound heartbroken?”

Nine shrugs but it catches him off balance and he topples over to lay in the seats instead. “I don’t know. I like him but it’s weird. Because we’re friends and like, I’m his friend.”

The cabbie hums, fingers tapping on the wheel. “Maybe you're meant to be more than friends but you’ll never know because you’ve already assumed that this is the path of love you're meant to be on.”

Nine tried to answer but he didn’t have one. It was a beautiful saying and accurate, what was he to say to that? No? That he was wrong? He was honestly too drunk to think of anything else to say anyways.

Maybe this was the path of love he was supposed to be on, being friends forever. That's not too bad though. He could probably live with that. Maybe. He did like Joong though. Like the kisses on his head. Arms around him. Maybe he was just lonely.

He pondered over the words as he tried to keep the sudden bile from coming up. The alcohol plus the motion of the car were not sitting well together.

Bummer alcohol loses a point for this.

Nine managed to pay the cabbie and stumble up the stairs to his room. It took him a few tries but he managed to unlock his door. He steps out of shoes and strips off his clothes -because they smelled like alcohol and cigarettes- before crawling into bed. Those strong arms immediately trapping him close. Fuck he really liked those arms around him. It's just the alcohol talking, he was sure.

“Nai...?”

“I like when you called me that.” Nine mumbles as he snuggles into those arms. “My heart always does ‘ba dum ba dum’ really fast when you do.”  His spinning world begins to slow down as a tentative hand runs down his back.

“Nai,” He whispers the word like he was tasting fine wine, trying to gather it on his palate and keep the taste.  And then not more normally, “You're naked”, his words sounding a mix between confused and concerned, and some hidden amusement to them. Joong pulled the covers around Nines waist, tugging them tight so he wouldn’t get cold.

“You kissed my shoulder and my head.”

Palpable silence before Joong exhaled and answer. “Yes.”

Nine tried to open his eyes but they refused as rolled back under the safety of his lids, he exhales as he forced the words out. “I like you. Kissing me.”

“Of course you do, I’m a great kisser.” Joong teased gently.

Nines' mind drifted a little at the answer, his eyes wavering in the dark. The alcohol grabbing hold of him in a last-ditch effort to pull him into sleep as his tongue sticks to his teeth. The words crawl out slowly, like his subconscious pushing them out. “I love you.”

Nine feels softness against his lips, a feeling he’s felt before but this time the emotions are different. It’s not a job or for pictures, it the silence of the night, the glow of the moon, the beat of the heart. Words whisper across his lips. He can taste them, the words, feel them moving down his throat and curling into his heart.

----

Nine woke up the next morning, groggily slapping the bed to try and find his phone. The screen flashed noon with a few missed text and calls. A few from Earth trying to find out if he was alive. One from Ben asking the same.

He can’t remember much, the club, the drinks. Earth sending him off. He wonders how he made it home since his recollection of it is mostly scattered darkness and warm.... warm arms?

He looks around and Joong is nowhere to be seen. It’s not abnormal to wake up and Joong not be there at least in the apartment somewhere. He wonders if Joong stayed over, was he there when Nine got home?

Something inside him felt ... off. Like he should be thinking about something and wasn’t. Was he missing a class or a meeting or.. what was this feeling?

He needed to ask someone about this, he needed to understand.

A couple of days later after their company meeting, he decided he would ask someone to help him out. He glanced around the room, everyone was packing up to leave, talking about what they were doing afterward. He just had to figure out who would be able to best answer his question. Who should he talk to...

Pavel or Dome?

Pavel or Dome?

Pavel or ... Ben? His mind supplies as said boy walked past him, bag in hand and hair still tied up in the top of his head like a palm tree.

No, not Ben.

He needs someone more… open. Someone he knew had already past the torch -was that a euphemism or did he just make it up, he was sure he heard it somewhere before- someone like-

“Hey, Pavel.” Nine called as he jogged over to Pavel whose hand paused on the handle of the door, “Do you have a second?”

Pavel looked to Dome with a questioning glance before turning towards Nine. “Depends on how long you need, we were about to head out.”

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

Pavel arches a brow before sighing. “Fine.”

“I’ll go on ahead then.” Dome waves as he leaves, leaving the two of them awkwardly standing by the door until Nine ushers them into a nearby empty room.  

“Alright bottom, what’s up?” Pavel smirks while leaning on the table.

Nine rolls his eyes, “First off, that’s Kit. Second, really?”

Pavel shrugs noncommittally clearly still amused by their interview a couple of weeks ago week. “Fine, I’ll be serious.” Not sounding serious in the slightest. “What can I help with?”

“Well...” Nine starts, suddenly feeling the embarrassment burning his ears. Shuffling his feet he looked everywhere but Pavel, “The thing is... I... Uh…”

Pavel grabs his arms stopping his movements and forcing them to lock eyes. “I’ve got a very handsome man who is only in town for a short bit along with a supportive family waiting for me to go eat with them and as much as I would love,” the word was uncomfortably saccharine causing Nine frowned at it, “to wait for you to find the words. I don’t have time so how about instead I gue-“

“How do you know if you like someone as more than a friend?” Pavel’s hands drop from Nines arms, settling in his hips in a pensive pose, as Nine finished off in a quieter tone. “Like romantically?”

Nine bounces on his toes, fingers fidgeting with his shirt. Pavel normally playful expression has been morphed into a serious one.

“There’s a fine line between like and love.” Pavel says finally, after way too many beats of silence in Nine opinions. “The difference between liking someone and loving them is minute. Because the one you love is your best friend … but better.”

“Your best friend?” Nine mimicked.

“You wouldn’t date someone you couldn’t be friends with because that means you’re not compatible with them. You have to be compatible with the person your gonna date.”

“Compatible.” Nine mimics again and earns a questioning from Pavel.

“I guess the biggest question is, this person whom you think you like romantically. Is this person someone you could see yourself spending large amounts of time with? Sleep next to them? Waking up with them in the morning? Kissing them? Miss them? And most importantly...” Pavel grabs Nines' wrist holding the between them, forcing eye contact again. “Could you see yourself having sex with them?”

“Ahh!” Nine tried to break free so he could cover his ears but Pavel’s grip stays strong as his laughter fills the air. Nine could only pout and whine, “Why?”

Pavel chuckles as he lets go of Nines' wrists once he settles down. “I’m only partially joking. You do have to think about it though. If your answer to ‘do I want to have sex with them?’ is no. Is it because you don’t want sex at all? Or because you don’t think you could have sex with that person? If it’s the latter, maybe you shouldn’t try to do anything romantic with them because maybe you’re not compatible in that way.”

“What if... if I want to...” Nine asks tentatively, look up at Pavel with wide eyes, scared expression “But I’m not sure if they do? How do I know if they just want to be friends or like something... more?”

Pavel tilts his head, tapping his finger to his chin. “Unfortunately,” shrugging with one shoulder, “You’ll just have to ask them.”

Nine scowls, “Isn’t there like… some way that I could tell without asking?”

“Sorry kid.” Pavel ruffles his hair, “But my times up here. Good luck.” Pavel gives a two-finger salute before heading out leaving a still confused, pouting Nine standing alone in the room.

That night Nine sound himself staring at the wall as he waited for Joong to finish his shower, Pavel’s words repeating through his mind. There was no way he was going to ask Joong how he felt. He couldn’t risk Joong thinking he was weird. What if Joong were to get mad at him and never want to snuggle again? Or more importantly what if he didn’t want to be friends anymore because of the question? Nine knows he’s not a homophobe or anything because of the show but that didn’t mean that Joong wanted to be best friends with someone who was... gay? And wanted to ... kiss(?) him.

Because yes, Nine had come to the realization that he did, in fact, want to kiss Joong in a way that was not related to work. He wanted to kiss Joong like Spiderman and Mary Jane in the rain. Like the two main leads from the notebook that his sister made him because he’d never admit that he likes that movie but he wants that kiss. The one where they run-up to each other and hold each other in their arms and kiss, passionately.

How silly was he for wanting that? It was too much, this silly feeling inside him. He didn’t want it anymore.

Arms wrapped around his waist and small kiss dropped to his naked shoulder and Nines body relaxes almost instantly. Legs molded behind his and then a tender nose buried in the base of his hair, nuzzling gently before Joong stills and the light snoring, signaling sleep, plays through the room.

He wanted to do all the things with him. He wanted to hang out with Joong, all the time. Cook him food. Take care of him. Help him study. Joong was his best friend. Best friend.

But he also wanted to fall asleep next to him. Wake up with him in the morning. He wanted those small kisses on his shoulders and other places. During the time when he was awake and an active participant. It’s weird because he’s kissed Joong, many times for the show but it’s different without the camera and people there. It’s different when it’s Nine and Joong and not Kit and Ming. When he’s on set he doesn’t have the same feelings attached but here, in the dark, he wants Nine and Joong kiss. He wants feelings there.

The only thing he wasn’t 100% sure about was …the sex. He’d never had sex, though he has gotten close on a few occasions. And he especially had never had sex with another man before. It was scary to even think about it. He knew some basics from when he read the 2moons book in an effort to understand kit more but he wasn’t sure how accurate the book was, plus Beam was in pain the next day.

Was that how it always was, painful the next day?

Why did so many guys ... bottom if they are in pain the next day? Was it always painful? Was the experience that good that you dealt with the pain? Would he even bottom if the situation every arouses? Would Joong?

Nine sighed rubbing a hand over his face, he had more questions now than before.

“Nine.” A small voice whispered against his neck, “Are you ok?”

“...Y-Yeah.” He stuttered trying to hide the tension in his voice.

“You’re mumbling...” Joongs voice seems to drift in and out of consciousness. He mumbles something else but it’s unintelligible.

“I’m sorry Joong.” He pats the arm around his waist before grabbing the hand and pulling it up to kiss the knuckle. “I’ll figure this out.”

He places the hand over his chest, his own places onto of Joongs as he forces himself slide into a fitful sleep. Question flying around his head like a bullet in a gunfight, ricocheting off his consciousness.

It started when they did a live together and fans were once again, asking if they were dating. Nine jokes that it was there decision. Which was a joke but Joong seemed to take it as a hit? He sulked the rest of the night.

“Do you think dating me would be a joke?” Joong asked.

“No. of course not.”

“Would you only date me because the fans told you to?”

“No, I want to date you because I want to. I have nothing to do with them.” Nine fires back. He’s not entirely sure how this started up, it was just a joke to the fans.

“You want to.” Joongs tone is suddenly different. Softer, questioning. It raises red flags in Nines head.

“I-”

“You want to date me?” Joong asks with an even tone. Nine wants the yelling back. “As in the present tense. The current state of wanting.”

“I..” Nine starts then stops. He needs to word this carefully. He didn’t have enough time to plan out his words. He wasn’t even sure if he was ever going to tell Joong his real feelings. “I..”

“Do you like me? Like that…?”

“I… Joong…” Nine mouth flaps like a fish but he can’t find the words.

Joong nods before getting up and leaving. The door shuts quietly behind him filling the room with such a heavy silence that Nine feels suffocated. He grabs his chest, tugging on the material. It hurts. Hurts a lot.

He doesn’t know what to do now. Does he follow? Let him have space? Does he pretend it never happened?

--

There was no Joong for the next week.

Radio silence between them.  Nine pretended that it didn’t bother him. He pretended that everything was fine. That nothing was wrong even though everything felt wrong. It felt like the earth was shifting beneath his feet and he was stuck just watching it move. He was at a complete loss as to how to go about this situation, let alone how to fix it.

Everything felt wrong and it hurt.

He stumbled into the bathroom in the morning a week after the fight and his world crumbled just a little more.  Joongs toothbrush stared back at him, taunting about how alone he was currently.

It was stupid, everything was stupid. Joong was ignoring him. Joong stuff was still here. His side of the bed still smelled like him. That stupid mochi still stared at him. But it all felt too much. The apartment felt too big for just him.

The world felt too big for him lately.

Well, he thought with as much strength as he could muster if Joong was going to hang out with his own friends and ignore him that Nine was going to do the same.

So he hung out with his friends more, his family more too. He filmed with his sister and his cousin. He studied more. Practiced more. Then at night, he counted sheep until the sun rose and he pretended that nothing was bothering him.

Because nothing should be bothering him.

Joong was just a friend and friends didn’t need to be with each other all the time.

Except, it kind of felt like he needed to be with Joong. At least maybe just a little.

He moved Joongs toothbrush into the medicine cabinet to prevent himself from throwing in the toilet out of anger.

A few more days past with no sign of Joong but they had a company meeting so Nine knew that he would at least see him. It wasn’t much but you know, slight hope. Maybe.

He wasn’t expecting to see Joong flirting -openly- with the new intern. Or a bit later to see Ben nudging him teasingly as he congratulating him on his ‘night’.

How did Ben know that Joong had gone out with someone and he hadn’t? oh right, they hadn’t talked.

Was that why Joong had pulled away? He felt awkward that Nine had feelings for him when he was talking to someone else?

Wait, Had Ben just implied that Joong had lost his virginity?

The though halted everything in Nines mind. Not because he was mad about it. Joong was his own person, but because it was so sudden. Joong hadn’t even been with someone two weeks ago. He didn’t know Joong was like that.

Now Nine wasn’t sure what to think. He was already troubled with what he was supposed to do and now this.

Nine sat on the other side of the room, trying his best to close off his ears to the other conversations. He wasn’t ready to hear about Joongs ‘night’ yet. He wasn’t ready for Joong to be dating, kissing or doing anything else with someone. He had just come to terms with his feelings for the tall boy, he wasn’t ready to have them squashed yet.

He wasn't ready to not be the center of Joongs life.

So many emotions played through his head. Worried, heartache, anxiety, sadness. Too many emotions over someone who was just a friend. Over someone he wished wasn't just a friend.

He could manage to push it all back until the end of the meeting. He could ignore every pang in his heart. Smile and laugh when necessary until the meeting ended. He could do it, he was an actor after all.

“How’s it?” Pavel says as he plops down in the seat beside Nine, “Did you figure out your feelings?”

Nine looks to Joong and Ben with a frown before looking back to Pavel. “Yeah.”

“Why do you sound sad about it?”

“It didn’t work out.” Nine said picking at his jeans.

“So you talked to them?” Pavel questioned almost rhetorically, setting his chin in his palm as he sent a questioning look to Nine.

Nine scowled at his jeans, “Not exactly.” He shifts in his seat, cross and then uncrossing his legs, “But I think it’s obvious they don’t feel the same.”

Pavel leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with but you never know for sure and they might like you back.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Nine looked over at him with a tight-lipped smile. “You flirt with Dome a lot.”

Pavel laughs loudly and the room quiets momentarily to look at him before he waves them off. “Trying to change the subject I see.”

Nine shrugs, a small fraction of smile try to show on his lips.

“Dome and I are happy the way things are.”

“What are things?” Nine relieved for the change in topic. Silently thanking Pavel for this brief reprieve.

Pavel shrugs. “You know, things.”

Nine shots him a glare and Pavel smiles back as he answers casually. “Dome travels a lot and has school and I’m working on pursuing my career, modeling and starting my own clothing line.” He shrugs. “We’re busy”

Nine pulls one leg up in the seat, wrapping his arms around it. “You flirt with each other all the time.”

“I flirt with everyone,” Pavel answers back honestly.

“Does it feel different with him?”

Pavel shifts, pursing his lips. “If it does?”

Nine pulls his other leg up to lay his head on them, looking at Pavel. “Do you have feelings for him?”

“If I do?”

Nine snorts, rolling his eyes. Then he sighs and looks into Pavel’s eyes, asking. “Do you?”

“I love Dome but where we are in life right now, it’s not romantic.” He shifts in his seat as if he wants to say more, lip sucked between his teeth before he smiles. “I’d be lying if I said we never did anything together.” Pavel nudges him with a wink “Friends with benefits, you know.”

Nine covers his ears with a groan. “Pavel!” Again his loud laughter silences the room momentarily.

“You can be jealous all you want.”

“I’m not-” Nine grumbles before huffing. He was jealous. Jealous because Pavel and Dome had some semblance of a relationship that worked from them and he couldn’t even talk to Joong because stupid Joong had been avoiding him.

“Like I said before, gotta talk to them. Dome and I got to where we are right now because we talk to each other. We were open from the start about what we wanted and needed. It's a good relationship,” Pavel leaned in closer, their faces almost touching, his a low whisper yet his words were as loud as screaming. “Plus I know for a fact Joong wants that with you.”

Pavel just smiled at Nines wide eyes expression as he sputters out. “How did you-”

“Alright, guys let’s get started.” Their produce calls closing the door behind him.

Nine let his legs fall back to the ground and as he sits up straight. Pavel knew. Nine eyes Pavel before he slowly looks to Joong on the other side of the room. Joong’s expression shifts from angry too passive as soon as they make eye contact. What was his problem?

Nine picks at the hole in his jeans. There’s no way that Joong wants to do those things. Pavel is just being facetious. Joong has been actively avoiding him because of mention just that. That Nine wanted to try and date Joong.

Although, admittedly, he did miss Joong. A lot. Maybe he should try and talk to Joong. If not about his feelings but at least to see where they stood.

To see if they were even still friends.

--  

They did not end up talking, at least not for a little while. Though it wasn’t for lack of effort on Nines part, because he had tried. He tried to stop Joong before he left the building after the meeting but Joong dodged him like some prisoner on the run from the cops.

Nine had tried texting him. The messages still hadn’t been read yet.

He stopped by Joongs apartment, a couple of times and to no avail, the door stayed tightly shut.

Even now, as he stood in front of the door, the door which he knew held Joong because the other had just finished a live with his cousin. He knew the asshole was in there. Nine bangs on the door a few more times, each time louder than the last.

“Open up you fucker!” He resisted the urge to slap his mouth, he didn’t have to follow those rules if Joong was going to be ignoring him. “Why are you ignoring me?!”

Someone opened their door down the hall shushing him, he apologized softly before turning back to the door.

“Why?” He whisper-yelled letting his head fall against the door, hand twisting the knob listlessly. “Why?” He whispers this time, to not disturb the others on the floor.

He was mad. Beyond mad. Nine was confused and angry and wanted to punch Joong in the face. He couldn’t understand why Joong was doing this. Why was he being like this?

-----

It was three days after that when he finally -Finally- heard something from Joong. And by heard something it was more like was attacked by.

It was past one in the morning, Nine had been trying to sleep when his door slams open. Startled, he jumps out of bed and grabs the first thing he could, running at the dark figure.

He tripped over a shirt, stumbling before half-kicking and half- bouncing off the wall to punch at the dark figure. It connected with a grunt. A hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, his other hand reached out to hit with his … A lotion bottle. Fuckin great weapon choice there Nine, he mentally berated as he swiped at the attacker with it. Another hand reached out and grabbed his wrist so tight the lotion bottle tumbled from this grasp. Nine shifts to one leg, pushing his knee up only to have his body pushed back. Stumbling around feet and forgotten clothes on the ground, they crashed into the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” The voice growled as Nine tried to bring his knee up again only for it to get capture between an elbow and an abdomen. “Stop it.”

“Joong?” Nine freezes, recognizing the voice, “What the fuck?!” He tried to twist so he could use his elbow as a weapon but Joong pushed his wrist out straightening his arms along the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” Joong said again, a little more forcefully this time. Hands tightening around Nine wrists almost painfully.

“I’ll stop hitting you when you stop attacking me in the middle of the fucking night!”

Then silence. Heavy breathing echoed through the room.

Nines heart racing against his chest from both fear and curiosity. Why had Joong suddenly shown up? Better yet, why the fuck was it in the middle of the night like some crazy person breaking into his apartment?

Then after a prolonged silence, Joongs hands relaxed before extracting themselves completely from Nines as he sat up. Slowly moving to across the room to shut the door, flipping on the small light in the kitchen.

Nine sat up, swiping a shirt off his floor as his nerves started to settle, leaving behind only chill bumps on his skin.

“Why are you here?” He asks softly as Joong grabs a water bottle from the fridge.

“You said I was always welcome.”

“Tsk.” Nine throws a nearby pillow at him, it smacks his leg before falling to the ground unnoticed. “It’s one in the fucking morning asshole.”

“I thought we weren't cursing anymore.”

“Fuck you.” Nine grabbed the mochi plush to fling at Joong as well, this time it hit his stomach before landing on the ground, rolling a few feet before staring at Nine with its smiling face. At this moment he wanted nothing more than ripping the smile of the plushies face.

Joong pushed off the counter, tossing the empty bottle into the sink before taking two steps forward and stopping. “Are you angry?”

“Am I-” Nine fumbles off the bed, stalking forward, arm pulled back, ready for action. “Am I angry?!” He swung, connecting with Joongs cheek, not nearly as much force as he wanted but at the bottom of his heart, he didn’t actually want to hurt his friend.

Ok, maybe at this moment, just a little bit.

“Yes, I’m fucking angry!” This time the punch connected with Joongs stomach.

“Nine,” Joong starts quietly as he grabs the hand flying his way before a third hit could land. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Nine tugging at his wrist, “You’re sorry?” He repeated louder. What kind of statement was that? Joong was sorry so he crashed into his house in the middle of the night and attacked him. Because he was sorry.

Nine struggled to get his hand free as Joong stared intently, waiting impatiently for him to calm down. “Sorry is not an excuse. You’re still an asshole and I don’t accept your apology!”

“I’m sorry,” Joong repeated.

“Stop it!” Nine struggled harder, his free hand pushing at Joongs chest. “Stop saying things you don’t mean.”

“You’re crying.” He froze at Joongs words and he felt it, the tear roll down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Nine opened his mouth to yell again when he was pulled roughly into Joongs chest, arms wrapping tight around him. Nine tried his best to ignore the tears that flowed down his cheeks -they didn’t deserve his attention- as a hand cupped his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Nine answers with a wet, shaky voice. Nine hands thump against Joongs chest before pulling the material into his fist. “Stopping saying things you don’t mean.”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

"You can't just avoid me and ignore me and then waltz in and expect a ‘sorry’ to fix everything." The hands tighten around Nine and a small sniffle was pressed into his neck. "Why?" He croaked out.

“I’ve been so confused after you admitted that you might want to date me.” Joong starts slowly swiping his fingers over Nine's wet cheeks, “So I went to my cousin for help and she recommended that I try and date a girl.”

Nine pushed at the chest but the arms didn’t budge. “She told me that I might be confused, that I was just spending too much time with you and because we are close friends and I've never had a girlfriend before, that I was just confused. I just need to try and date girls. I mean I was, no am, confused. She set me up with one girl but I left halfway through the night because she wasn’t… wasn’t right. I couldn’t figure out why until the next girl my cousin set me up. That girl was… was too much. She was too…”

“Too?”

“Too female.”

Nine let his arms fall to his sides, shifting his head to wipe his cheeks on Joong's shirt. “So you stopped talking to me because you dated a girl who was too female?”

“No, I avoided you because throughout that whole date all I could think was that I wanted it to be you instead.” The room shifted, something felt different in the air almost like a fog or the way the world felt calm before a storm. “We were drinking and she kissed and touched me and I tried, I really did, I tried to like it. But she wasn’t you. And I hate myself for not liking it. I hate myself even more because I wanted it to be you touching me in that way. I wanted to be kissing you and touching you.”

“You lost your virginity to a girl you didn’t like?”

“No, I pushed her away because we were drunk.” Joong snapped back.

The room was too warm now like someone had turned off the AC. Nine shifted pushing at Joongs chest again but this time the arms loosened and Joong took a step back. “I’m still confused.”

“I talked with Pavel today. Or rather Pavel kicked in my door and talked to me.” Joong shoves his hands in his pockets, lowering his head. “He said I was being stupid and destructive.”

“He’s right.”

“Maybe.” Joong shrugged, “Yeah, he was right,” lips creeping up into a small smile. “But he also helped me understand.”

“Understand what?” Nine furrowed his brows.

Joong waits till he catches Nines' eyes before he says, “That I love you.”

“Bullshit.” Nine growls, Joong stumbles at the push. “You-”

“Nine wait.”

“I cannot believe you. I accidentally let it slip that I might be ok with us dating. Not in a joking manner and you ignoring, avoid me and make me think that you hate me.” He growls when he feels more tears on his cheeks. Why was he even crying? It just fueled his anger more as he wills himself to stop the tears. “I was so worried I’d lost you as a person. As a friend. You made me rely on you. Need you. Love you. And left me like I didn’t even matter. You didn’t even have the gall to talk to me about your problems. ”

Nine took two heavy steps forward, hands outstretched. “Then waltz back into my life in the middle of the night.”

Nine pushes at his chest forcing Joong to take a step back, “Tell me that suddenly you're gay.”

Another push. “Tell me that you love me”

Another push and thump as Joongs back connects with the wall,  “You just expect me to forgive you. Pretend nothing happened.”

Joong slowly reached up, fingers wrapping around the hands on his chest. Joong leans in slowly, his lips brushing over the wet cheeks. “I know I did a stupid thing. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I know that now.”

“Good,” Nine huffs. “I’m glad you realize that.” Nine lets his shoulders drop as the tension seems to ease in the air.

“Do you accept my apology now?” Joong kisses the cheek again, suck just a bit so it popped when he pulled back. Nine pouts swiping at his cheek. Joong chuckles doing it again just to see Nine nose scrunch up in annoyance.

“I’m getting there.” Nine answers, wrapping his arms around Joong's neck.

Joong stared down at him with a soft smile. Nine shared one back. “You know if you are gay you can’t get rid of it by dating a girl.”

Joong groans, his head falling back to hit the wall. “I was confused and someone told me it might work. Plus like what if I was just confused…" Joong head lulls to the side, glancing at nine with a smile. “I mean it’s just you that I like.”

“Do you still like girls?” Nine asks ignoring the subtle flirt.

“I guess, maybe… Do you?”

Nine shrugged back. It hadn't really thought about too much. He still found girls attractive but since Joong showed up he hadn’t actively wanted to date anyone, male or female, just Joong.

“I think I might like both,” Joong admits, shifting to meet Nine eyes. “I’m not sure of too many things in my life. I know that I like being around you. I like holding you.” Joongs hands tightening around Nines' waist. “I like it when I’m the reason you smile.”

“I do have a cute smile.”

“You have cute cheeks.” Joong chuckles at the glare, moving slowly to kiss Nines other cheek. “I think the realization that maybe I did love you and that you might actually love me back through me off-kilter. I just needed time to process. Figure things out.”

“You needed Pavel to slap you back into shape.”

Joong rolled his eyes, “Yeah maybe. Maybe I did just need someone to spell it out for me.”

Joong kisses the cheek once more before moving to kiss Nines temple. “To tell me why I liked having you in my arms.”

A kiss to the forehead. “Why I craved your attention.”

The other temple. “Why, you made me feel complete”

Another kiss tot her forehead. “You know why?” Nine hummed in reply.

Joong kisses his nose. “Because I loved you long before I realize it. Maybe since the day I meet you.”

The lips kiss the corner of Nines' mouth. “Like I was fated to love you.”

Nine snorts, ducking his head, ears and cheeks burning at the admission. “I’m still mad at you. Being sweet won’t change that.”

Joong smiles, nudging his face up with a finger on his chin before leaning in for a small peck. “It might help.”

“You’re still getting punished.” Nine pinches the back on Joongs neck earning a hiss.

“Kinky.” Joong wiggled his brows then laughed when Nine smacked his chest.

They talk a bit more, trying to gain a better understanding of what they were now before Nine ushered them to bed when he realized how late it was.

“Nai, where’s my toothbrush.”

“In the cabinet.”

“Why?”

“So I didn’t throw it in the toilet.”

“Yeah ok make sense I guess.”

When Joong was finished brushing his teeth, as they settled in bed, Joong didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Nine. Push his face into the back of his neck, even dropping a few soft kisses.

“Now that we’re, you know dating and whatnot, you should talk to me instead of avoiding me.”

“I will, I promise.”

“You better.” Nine pulled Joongs hand to lay over his heart.

“Goodnight Nai.”

Nine turned enough to kiss fully on the lips. It was soft and gentle. Like a refreshing breeze on a hot day. The feeling of things falling back into place. Nine pulled away with a smile, rubbing their noses together before shifting back around.

“Goodnight Joong.”

Rather than being about excitement and lust, a soul mate relationship is characterized by such things as a shared life path, a sense of comfort and ease, and a genuine liking of each other. – Katherine Woodward Thomas