#of brick and mortar. don't know what else to say

[bredforloyalty]

now that i'm back at my apartment i wanna say, that sure was an episode

[thanotaphobia]

There is a lot Tubbo does not think about these days.

His brain is constantly going a hundred kilometers an hour; thoughts and emotions and plans running wild, ideas crowding each other to the point of entity cramming. Machine blueprints and scheming plans. Nothing illegal. He would never.

(A lie. He does not think about the blueprints scribbled under tables and hidden behind book shelves, carved into his own skin with his teeth ideas for drills a thousand, a million chunks wide.)

He tinkers at night and sleeps in the day, waking in fits and starts. Tubbo is never warm enough- he shivers underneath three thick woolen blankets Philza lended him and sits beside lava, holding his hands out to warm it. The machinery is warm. Machinery is alive, breathing and producing heat beneath his hands.

Tubbo doesn't think about ice, and he doesn't think about the things he doesn't remember. He knows Phil. He knows Fit. He knows, strangely, Etoiles and the others. Not well. Faint, indiscriminate nostalgia. He writes it all down in the margins of an architectural plan and brick and mortars the roll of paper into the wall of the building.

Snow crunches beneath his feet and he flinches so hard he drops his pickaxe. His insides itch. Guilt eats his heart from the inside out. If he were to look into a mirror, he's not sure he would recognize his own face.

Phil tells him it's normal. Phil tells him he'll get used to it. Tubbo says he doesn't know what Phil is talking about, because he knows Phil and doesn't know how and is not thinking about that undeniable fact.

Something about Phil soothes his nerves like a balm, same with Niki. Like kin, they know each other. Phil recognizes him even when Tubbo can't. There are holes in his memory like melting ice, the edges sharp as knives. Everything in unapproachable. He doesn't let it stop him.

"I think I've died before," Tubbo tells Phil late one night, both of them sitting up by lantern light and squinting at their notebooks in silence.

"Yeah," Phil says, charcoal staining his hands. It stains his face where he's touched his own skin absently, smearing inky void across his cheeks like war paint. "Like everyone else."

"I think I froze to death," Tubbo says. He's got a black cloak around his shoulders, but it smells like grass and dirt, not soot and ash. It belongs to Missa. He wiggles his hand out from beneath the fabric, staring at his right pinky and ring finger. They are made of metal. Using the mechanism is as natural as breathing. Tubbo knows his own handiwork; he just doesn't remember building it. Or losing the fingers. He doesn't remember how he got most of his scars. "Maybe I exploded. I think it's gonna happen again."

"Don't get your hopes up," Phil says, voice lagging as he only pays half-attention. Tubbo doesn't care.

"I'll just cheat death," Tubbo proclaims. He looks down at his scribbled drawings, and his chest swells with an indescribable emotion.

Across the room, Phil snorts, as though he's just thought of an inside joke. Tubbo is not in on it. He doesn't think about how he almost laughs himself anyway. He just tucks himself back inside of Missa's cloak and does not think of ice.

[mothdust23]

CW: Death, loss, extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms, identity issues, light blood, Emotions

A desperate witch. She's investigating the disappearance of dozens of entities, including her very own doll, Lilac. Usually, she's very reserved, but losing her only friend has sent her into a tizzy. She hasn't eaten, hasn't slept, she hasn't even been to her house in days.. it hurts, being inside without her faithful companion. Too quiet. She misses the doll's ticking, how it calms her. She looks at a picture of Lilac and her together, laughing at a joke with a few of their friends. She sighs and presses a doorbell with the tip of her parasol, staring up at an old brick and mortar mansion. This new lead has to work.

Tracking spells don't work, neither does old school investigation. The evidence is strange, very strange, and never leads anywhere, so she's trying a new path: observing another doll, one she's sure is the next target. Whoever's taking the entities is altering the world around them, subtly corrupting and twisting the environment. Objects becoming slightly different, the wallpaper changing to another hue, little details that don't matter until they pile up. It happened for her own doll, it happened for dozens of other entities, and now it's happening to this one.

Walnut reminded the witch of her own doll in a lot of uncomfortable ways. While her old doll was made of intricate clockwork, this one was roughly carved from scraps of wood, its face only half finished. It walks with a limp, and one of its arms was clearly a later addition, perhaps added by Walnut herself. Yet, like Lilac, Walnut lights up when talking about its interests, although in its case it ends with embarrassed reservedness. Walnut's witch died before it was ever finished, so it's lived alone, tending to a house without an owner. It refuses to say how long it's been, but, as the witch brushes her hand across glass older than she is, she feels a strange sense of.. pity.

"This one knew something was wrong when it saw Miss' third favorite lamp!" the doll says, gesturing to an ordinary lamp with an ornate base. The witch blinks, clearly not understanding.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It was rose gold, not bronze.." it whispers somberly. "At first, this one worried it was finally breaking down and... joining Miss, but.. it saw your advertisement, a-and.."

The witch nods, donning her monocle and staring at the lamp. As far as she can tell, it's always been this color.. She tuts, looking around the room, briefly seeing the telltale glow of the doll's core lit up by the enchanted eyepiece. A comforting sight.

"I don't know what to tell you, I'm sorry. Has anything else changed?"

"Well, not that it has noticed, ma'am. Do you want it to check?"

She shakes her head. "It's quite alright, Walnut. I trust you've heard about the other disappearances?"

"Yes, but this one cannot fathom why anyone would want to take it.. all it does is care for the house. For Miss. It's what she would have wanted."

They both quiet down as a groaning sound echoes through the house.

"...house settling?" the witch offers, trying not to betray any worry. The doll shakes, fiddling with its hands nervously.

"The house has never sounded like that, Mi- er, ma'am" it whispers.

"Any.. other dolls, live here?" she presses.

"Just this one.."

Another groan, closer. This time, they can hear a strange humming sound, getting louder and louder.

The witch slowly reaches towards her parasol. She grips it too tightly, something Walnut notices and decides not to comment on.

"Stay behind me, ok?"

"Y-yes Miss- oh, sorry!!"

"..We can discuss calling me that later, little doll."

The unfinished doll could only respond with a squeak, hiding its face in its hands. As the hum gets louder, a harsh glow appears under the room's door. The witch fumbles for her eyepiece and steps back in horror, staring through it past the door and at the monster behind it. She's never gotten this close before, and the whole time--

A desperate witch. He's spent the past few months preparing this spell, and he considers it a mercy to only choose entities people wouldn't miss. The buzzing is loud, so loud, and he needs only a few more souls to cure this ailment once and for all. It'll all be worth it.

..he regrets being so sloppy. A few humans and birdpeople who still had family, an angel working at a hospital, a doll who still had a witch. Every one a liability, someone who would be missed, and here he is, looking down the end of another witch's umbrella, looking like a deer in headlights.

"...Shit."

"..you're a witch. Like me." the woman manages to say, lowering her parasol slightly. Walnut doesn't say a word, fiddling with its hands. It looks into his eyes and clutches the first witch's coat in terror.

"I recognize you. You were that doll's witch, weren't you?" he says, clutching his hand in pain. Strangely, only the hand being held has a glove, the other covered in a red substance she dares not identify.

"...what do you MEAN, were?" she responds. The man finds the tip of her umbrella pressing against his nose.

"I- I- I'm sorry, it was the only way- I HAD to, I couldn't find anyone and I was- agh- running out of time.. like right now.. please, give me the doll." He looks like he's in pain. Blood and oil cover his once-regal clothes.

"Tell me where my doll is, or I swear to Selene I'll turn you into a grease stain."

He coughs, looking at the floor in guilt.

"..I'm sorry. I- I wish I didn't take someone who had a witch to come home to."

"Where.. where's Lilac? Tell me it's ok, please just.." she manages to sputter out, eyes filling with tears despite herself. "Please tell me my doll's still alive.."

"..."

"..please."

"I'm sorry.."

She chokes out a sob, dropping her parasol.

"It was the only way. I.. I never wanted to kill them, but- ACK-" He doubles over, seemingly in pain, and rips off the glove on his right hand. To the witch and Walnut's horror, it's jointed, like a doll's. "G-give.. give me the doll. I need it. Nobody.. w-will miss it. It'll be a clean kill.."

"I.. I don't know what you want with Walnut, but.. I'd miss it. Your murders end here."

She reaches down to grab her parasol. Surprisingly, he lets it happen, sitting against the wall.

"I.. I need sacrifices. Living souls, doesn't matter whose. It's.. the only way."

"Only way to WHAT?"

Porcelain crawls up his arm. "Delay it, until I can cure it. I know a spell that forces the changes to the world around me, but.."

She stares at him. "You killed so many people.. including my Lilac.. so you wouldn't become a doll? You.."

"I CAN'T, OK!? I REFUSE! I CAN'T BE SOME- SOME THING! I HAVE MY LIFE AHEAD OF ME! I- I have promise.. talent.. I can't be a doll. I don't want to be a doll."

"...They had their lives ahead of them, too. Come on, Walnut."

"W-what? Where are you going? DON'T JUST LEAVE ME, IT'S JUST A DOLL!!"

He tries to get up, but one of his legs gives out, ball joints clicking into place. She ignores him, escorting Walnut outside.

"..you ok?"

The doll hugs her, shivering. "This one has never, ever left the grounds."

She cradles its bad cheek. "Something tells me.. your witch would've wanted you to move on. You're a very old doll, aren't you?"

"..Y-yes, but-"

"..I can't stop you from staying, but.. if you ever want company.."

They share a look. The humming and light inside the house reaches a crescendo, a scream rings out, and everything goes dark. A doll stands up in the empty house and starts cleaning a stain off the floor.

"..This one thinks.. it would like your company very much, Miss."

"..Me too, Walnut. Me too."

Dedicated to my sister, Jacqueline. Love you sis!

Happy Halloween ^^

[quinloki]

Charlotte Katakuri - BITTER

Requestor: Anonymous (you were wise to request this anonymously I think XD ) Reader Vibes Requested: AFAB she/her CW: I don't know how to warn this. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK. It's short and SHARP.

Your scream of terror rang in Katakuri’s ears like a siren. Just like the mythological beast’s enchanting song, he couldn’t get the sound of it out of his head.

It echoed with every thump of his heart.

Your eyes wide with fear, the way you went ghost-white at the sight of him. Everything about him was monstrous to you, not just his size, or his fangs, or his lineage. His very existence within your home had struck you as wrong.

Things had been slow going between the two of you, since your marriage by Mama’s will nearly a decade ago. It had taken almost a year for you to each truly relax around one another. Months after that before you could consider what you did to be called cuddling.

Slowly, carefully, and steadily, the two of you had grown closer. Responsibility turned into affection, turned into trust.

Turned into love.

A sweet love that was the soft tangle of fingers as you sat together. A gentle love that was full of deep breaths and slow movements, consummation within the confines of what intimacy you could handle. A love that was akin to a tree, more than a flower. Slowly taking root, but sturdy and strong, branches hefty enough to cradle you both well.

It was all gone now.

He didn’t even have to ask why. He didn’t even have to ask how.

Slumping to his knees, Katakuri presses his forehead to the ground, doing everything he can to look smaller, to look less threatening, to look as fragile as he feels.

“I won’t hurt you.” He says, voice even and firm, held together by decades of practiced control. He repeats the phrase a couple more times, until the thundering of your heart calms a little. Until the shivering in your legs and arms aren’t skittering through the floor against his skin.

“I promise, I will never harm you.” He says finally, eyes and face still pointed toward the floor. He doesn’t have his scarf nearby, he hasn’t needed it while inside his home for a long time. He could use his power to get it, but if you’d lost enough of your memories that you didn’t even know what Devil Fruits were, he didn’t want to send you into a panic right now.

He could look ahead.

Should.

But he can’t.

Every ounce of his control is focused on his own heart, his own words. He cannot spare a drop of concentration for anything else, or he will fall apart. The perfect son of the Charlotte family, defeated by a single wail.

Countless battles. Internal and external. Enemies and weaknesses laid low and set as mortar and brick to separate himself from anything that could crack the mask he’d made.

Scraps of film were left on the floor. Shattered pieces of the remnants of your memory.

Left behind on purpose.

Left behind on command of his mother.

Left behind as a message, more than even the state you were in.

He had dared to put something above himself. Above his family. Above his mother. He had dared to love you so completely that only a fool would’ve missed how far he’d fallen.

To dare to love anyone more than his family.

This was the cost.

[postroesociety]

hi

I'm a trans minor w/ a uterus. I've seen a few posts saying to delete all period tracking apps/devices/services etc. and paper track. Is there any reason why? I use the free version of the period tracker "Stardust", because it also has the moon cycles. I'm not sure how well known it is.

So is there any reason why we should start paper tracking? Is it that there is actually a possible threat of people checking through your period apps? For what purposes?

Tysm. I think we're all struggling rn. I hope you're doing well <333

We'll get through this, I know we will.

-B

Hi!!! first of all, thank you for asking and second congrats on being the very first ask I got!

The main reason why people are saying we should delete period tracker apps is that these period tracker apps will often keep your data and if you were to get into trouble for receiving an abortion, then law enforcement would request your data regardless of its "anonymized" status or not. They would still be able to track it back to you and your identity.

Although there is always that reason there's a lot more. for example:

Most of these apps are considered lifestyle apps, which aren't protected by HIPPA laws.

companies can buy and use your private information

there is no legislation protecting you and your data

Stardust, however, does have an encryption code system that they use. Stardust said this in the caption of their most recent Instagram post:

"We keep your data safe by storing your contact information with third parties and storing your health data against a random account ID. This means that we do not link your health data to your real-world identity."

I personally use Stardust but I am still wary of using it and I'm not exactly sure if it would still be completely safe if you live in a state like Texas or Georgia, which has incredibly restrictive laws.

The reason people are urging others to go back to the brick-and-mortar calendar method is because of concerns about data leaks that could be used against you. More specifically, the data of your last period, your last ovulation cycle, among all the other aspects of your cycle can be studied to determine whether or not you may have been pregnant and received an abortion.

At the end of the day, it's gonna be up to you if you trust Stardust, but my advice would be to only use it if you're in a blue state with access to abortion, confident you will not get pregnant from a sexual partner (SA still can happen so be wary), and finally if you decide you can trust Stardust.

For anyone interested in how to track your period via the calendar method, I suggest you consult this article from Planned Parenthood..

And to B, thank you for asking this question, it's greatly appreciated. If you (or anyone else) have questions, concerns, or needs support, please don't hesitate to reach out to me in my dm's or through asks.

Sincerely,

Post Roe Society.

[dragonmuse]

Demystifying Writing

(or There Is No Wrong Way, but Here's One Way)

One of the things I've noticed as I've bobbled through twenty years of fanfic spaces (this happens in traditional writing as well, but this is where I hang out) is a lot of talk of 'muses' and 'this character told me that this is how it'll go'. Or 'I can't say how I got my ideas'.

And I do know that feeling! Sometimes you are just in the flow or it feels like you got struck by lightening and it's a great feeling. You know exactly what this character wants and it even seems to guide against your original plan. It's a beautiful feeling!

But that very feeling can make us feel like writing springs from some deep unknowable place that we cannot possibly reach voluntarily. By creating that mystic feeling, you also need to become an oracle who is in touch with that other side.

For myself, I do have those moments of feeling like my blorbo is just whispering in my ear. But for the most part, it's something else altogether: construction.

I am not an outline writer, I generally do not have a huge plan, but I do have scenes I'm considering, things I'm working towards. And I tend to think of a story as a mission-based project. I have posed myself a few questions, usually 'in this given circumstance, how do these characters find each other and what impact do they have on each other once they do?' Usually I already have an answer in mind 'they fall in love and both wind up in a happier situation' for romantic fics for instance. All right, so what gets them to that place while not changing the core of what I perceive as their personalities.

Writing can be mystic, but writing can also be as pragmatic as brick and mortar assembly. I am standing on the island of beginning and I am looking at the island of ending. What do I need to do build the bridge from here to there?

So if you don't have a muse and you don't feel inspired by things beyond fragile human understanding...so what? Your writing is just as valid if you're someone who sits and thinks it over and can explain exactly where your ideas came from. Inspiration can be very clear and concrete. 'This coffee shop seems like a fun place to work, what if my blorbos worked here?' is a perfectly fine way to start thinking about a story. From there if you write each scene with a workmanlike attention 'what sort of event would pull them closer together?' etc etc.

And hey, maybe you want to write something about two writers with different approaches to writing. See? Anything can get you started!

[misanthropiczombie]

No Compasses, No Signs by Brooklinegirl

The second of two binds done this year for @renegadepublishing's 2023 Bound Book Exchange and another absolute banger fic. I've had this one in the to-bind pile as well, so this exchange was largely the universe getting my to-dos in shape, it seems.

Materials & Binding info under the cut

Bookcloth: Unknown*

Cover paper: Green Leaves on White from Chibijay

End Paper: Silver Waves on White from Chibijay

I have to say, I adore the Chiyogami paper- it feels amazing it looks amazing. BUT photographing it is HARD because of how shiny some of the layers are. Worth it though, and highly highly recommend Chibijay to source it if you're in the USA.

As for that book cloth. I got it at a brick-and-mortar and I don't know the brand or distributor (and ive got an awful lot of it) but that bookcloth was the devil to work with. Next time I do a white spine I'm buying something else. It looks great, but at what cost?

Listen, also, that little bus with snow for the first page makes me happy every time I see it. It wasn't a great trial to find and then put together or anything. It's just really cute.

[snowcodes]

hi. i had a very similar experince to trying to look through the code camp scams and everything online and not living near anything useful. if you can find an online real college thats what i did, granted its a community college and an associates but. other than that, don't sleep on utilizing chatgpt to teach you. thats how i learn all of my material. you can ask it questions or say "can you teach me about x", and if you dont like its response you can say things like "make that more simple" or "make that interactive". but helpful tip, all programming languages basically do the same things and work in very, very similar ways. if you just learn the fundamentals of programming you can just translate that to any language. in my opinion, the basics to learn are: the structures of programming (sequential, conditional, iterative), variables, datatypes (integer, string, float, etc)(in python those are it), conditional statements(these are those if-else things you see), iterative aka loops(do..while, for x in list, do until, etc), functions(keep em one purpose), passing data. i would say these are the fundamentals. every language does it (besides html bc thats not a programming language but just a mark up language), so once you know about the conditonal structure for example, just find out "how do i use this in x language". if you are learning python now, its a great language to learn about programming and you've probably realized by now that people most often use it in an object oriented way, but you don't have to and don't have to learn about classes or objects if you don't have the fundamentals down yet. i hope this helps and if you have any questions feel free to ask me

Oh I 100% agree with this advice. After looking for a long, long time, I realised the most legitimate courses were from 'real' colleges and education suppliers that offered 'brick n mortar' schooling as well as e-learning.

I'm definitely going to utilise the free resources online and then work towards building a profile and generally seeing what the jobs online look for and work towards that alongside the usual path of learning :)

Also, I love how supportive folk generally are in this area of learning. I knew it would be competitive, especially when it comes to getting a job in a year or so...but seeing folk lift each other up instead of put each other down is heart-warming on so many levels. It makes me think I've found my correct career path :)

[nightowl33art]

Mandatory Alter Intro Post

This is linked to my pinned post. A bit more about my system. This post WILL be edited frequently by relevant alters. This is not every alter we have, merely ones we are okay sharing here. New profiles will be added as needed.

About the collective: System 33

If you don't know who is fronting or want to refer to the collective, use Nightowl 33 or any variation of. System 33 is our system name, and will suffice IF others are already familiar with us. We prefer the term "alters" over headmates, personalities, etc.

Artist, entertainer, crazy person, grammar nerd. Pan-aroace spectrum, poly/ambiamorous. Mixed (Asian/white), American. Pronouns are he/him ONLY unless certain alters are fronting. Don't know the fronter? Default to he/him.

Voidpunk, aka I do not identify as human. (I'm aware I'm physically human but I do not connect with my humanity and have taken the label to represent myself better.) We're mostly demons and angels. (Demon/angel hybrids are called nephions in this post.) We do not have any religious background/trauma, but we've associated demons/angels with our surroundings in childhood to become this way. Like the Toxic Cesspit slime/hazard theme, this has been unintentionally integrated for our protection. Everything below is just how we turned out and happen to be.

We're all cartoons. We have aphantasia, so certain details may be uncertain or missing in terms of appearance. We're still figuring ourselves out and learning who we are as separate entities. System discovery date: June 8, 2023 (though we've been This Way for as long as memory serves.)

We generally act the same and have similar interests. We are functionally enough the same person to carry on a normal life (I say this pretty lightly), but acknowledging the parts is still important. Showing each alter the same respect is also important. This is my body and account as much as it is everyone else's. ("Theme songs" listed aren't solid but are fun bits we associate with. Identifiers are ways to spot a specific alter if you have the means. By design, all alters are protectors in some way but have differing ways of doing so and from what. Their roles are meant to show what they do.)

Dutch (he/him, body's age)

(MORE PHOTOS TBA) System role: Host Orientation: Male, panromantic, aroace spectrum Species: Slime nephion Song: - Identifiers: - Blurb: That Phi simp. His appearance is our general one even though sometimes it's like he doesn't front at all compared to the other hosts.

Solice (they/them, adult)

(PLACEHOLDER IMAGE) System role: Host Orientation: Non-binary, lesbian (prefers fem-leaning) Species: Human? Song: Crazy La Paint (Ultimate Edition) - Minimusicman Identifiers: - Blurb: CEO of women enjoying AND Halloween. Scientist. Introject of AJ Mason (Friday the 13th) and Loremaster/Azazel (Helltaker.)

Flick (he/him, 24)

(Artist credit: Saki) System role: Responsibilities host, protector, information gatherer Orientation: Male, aroace Species: Seraph angel Song: Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! - Will Wood, Dead Moon - Brick + Mortar Identifiers: - Blurb: The detective and fatherly figure of the system. A fusion of two alters (Layna, the sassy Disgust (Inside Out)-inspired friend figure + Dan (the mix of the idealized father image and the system's genderbent mother.) He's taken on both their roles, balancing his smart advice and quick retorts with a more caring, attentive side. Generally the straight man of the group, focusing on priorities before indulging in fun. Has few concerns outside of looking after the body/system and keeping afloat. He's mostly just here to do his work, whatever it may be. Also I think his full name is Flickson and that's pretty funny. (Edit from The Man himself: It is.) I don't have much to add about myself that isn't already here. It's straightforward.

Moncel (he/him, body's age)

(PLACEHOLDER IMAGES) System role: Host, trauma holder, persecutor Orientation: Male, panromantic, demirose Species: Demon/nephion Song: - Identifiers: Heart pain, poetic and melodramatic speech, voice can be deeper than normal Blurb: My heart hurts a lot because I suffer heartbreak. I'm always in pain. That's how my presence is recognized. Sometimes I get really mad, and when I do, I set on fire. I'm a huge host with a friendly rivalry with Solice. Lionel is my brother and is often found drifting near me. I'm considered creative because I like making stuff, like moodboards and poetry. I'm really about capturing emotions and experiences so consider vents like my lifeblood. I enjoy streaming when I have the motivation. I'm locked in chains because to myself, I'm a monster that deserves it. I'm hard on myself and hate myself. I can worry about making things worse.

Lionel (he/him, body's age)

System role: ANXIETY BOY Orientation: Male, - Species: Angel Song: Freaking Out - Mystery Skulls Identifiers: Higher pitch than normal, extreme worry often followed by the need for anxiety meds, terrible intrusive thoughts Blurb: Oh my god okay hi so. I'm an anxious wreck. I have a varied taste in music but still built different.

Dionysus aka Dion (he/him, <20)

System role: Substitute Orientation: Male, biromantic Species: Vampire, nephion Song: Can't Go To Hell - Sin Shake Sin Identifiers: Southern accent, vampirism, desire to have fangs, feeling "bitey" Blurb: -

Kris (he/him, body's age)

(IMAGE TBA) System role: - Orientation: Male, - Species: Humanoid angel Song: Get By - Still Woozy Identifiers: - Blurb: Technically an introject of Kris (Deltrarune) but feels he is more a reflection of the character than a direct 1-1 copy.

Al (he/him, adult)

System role: Emotional protector Orientation: Male, aroace Species: Humanoid deer demon Song: Stayed Gone - Hazbin Hotel Soundtrack Identifiers: - Blurb: An introject of Alastor (Hazbin Hotel.)

Origin aka Ori (he/him, 18)

System role: Obedience Orientation: Male, aroace spectrum, ambiamorous Species: Puppet/doll/robot Song: Too Sweet - Hozier, Rät - Penelope Scott Identifiers: Formal speech, distrust of people/humanity, speech about "programming" and being a puppet, trauma denial, self identity confusion, using "--" Blurb: I do not have a solid appearance, only basic traits at most. Frustrated by the void I face internally, I made an appearance to represent myself with, taking inspiration from some characters I like. Huge Honkai: Star Rail fan. Something of a cowboy. Aesthetically, I am butterfly pea tea. I struggle with the idea that I deserve anything good, and I fight with the idea of being more than a pawn, having taken the role of being everything my abuser says I am. Can be anxious, solemn, and serious. Strove to be everything he wanted and still I didn't stack up.

Aventurine/Kakavasha aka Aven (he/him, adult)

System role: ? Orientation: Male, ? Species: Avgin-angel Song: ? Identifiers: Says "friend" when talking to people, voice mimics Aventurine's Blurb: Aven (pronounced ayy-venn) is an introject of Aventurine (Honkai: Star Rail.) Wants to be considered a smaller footnote while he figures things out. He didn't think drawing a ref sheet was worth it, instead saying "Who needs a ref when you can use the same singular png over and over" so if you want to draw him, create something based off the roblox avatar he shares with Ori and this insane Aventurine ref by DragaliaArchive.

Nightshade (she/he (they is fine too), adult)

System role: Persecutor Orientation: Feminine, - Species: Siren/banshee Song: Secret - The Pierces Identifiers: Unnatural speech, dizziness, violent feeling, irritability Blurb: An unhinged self-identified bitch and clown who listens to ICP.

Carl (he/him, 20's)

System role: Stress relief/actor Orientation: Aroace Species: Human Identifiers: That laugh, large smile, wild eyes, mischievous tone with higher pitch than standard, avoids typing (prefers speaking) Blurb: While he presents as a dangerous serial killer on the run, Carl is quite harmless. All bark and no bite. One of the oldest existing alters, even recognized as a clear part before realized systemhood. Introjected that ghost girl from The Grudge, Jimmy Casket (VenturianTale), and Jeff the Killer (Creepypasta.) While he may be odd and unconventional, we demand respect for him.

The Entity (it/its, ageless)

(PLACEHOLDER IMAGE, looks similar but no tails) System role: Dissociation central (for when we can't handle it) Species: Angel (biblically accurate) Song: - Identifiers: Incredibly formal, sophisticated speech. Frequent use of "we/us, the council" to refer to itself. Blurb: It is as old as time. It is 'omniscient.' Ageless in the infinite sense. It is a majestic angel that lacks emotion. It finds enjoyment in speaking to "mortals" that surround it. While it is generally indifferent, it enjoys talking to learn differing perspectives. It is not in the body, but rather floats above it, calling it "the vessel." It controls the vessel like a puppet master. One should truly not be afraid, for while it may seem intimidating, it comes in peace. It does not mean any offense either when it speaks. While it sees itself as a powerful being, it does not place itself as having higher value than mortal souls, believing short lives are just as important as it's own.

[samsayswhatever]

Sometimes I ask people a question about what I should do.

And they say I should do "what I want."

But the reason I was asking was that I'm constantly floating in a void between life and death and have no real goal but to survive, no values but to be better, and no awareness of my needs except the need to people please.

Realization:

I just realized that I'm likely using tumblr as a way to express my constant fawn response. Which is better than freezing, because to fawn is to know who you are, and who your group is.

Fight or flight thoughts:

To freeze is no not even know you ally from you enemy. To not have power over you life. And to think that even if you win this battle, nothing will change. So why do anything at all?

Maybe some day I'll work my way up to fleeing, where I think that I can win if I keep trying in the right conditions. End goal is to be able to fight. To know I have the power to win, and face the fear head on, and be done with it.

I know who my allies are, but I don't know who my enemies are. I don't know if I'm my own worst enemy, or if it's something else. I don't like doubting myself and havin gto check over everythign I do, just in case it's sabotoge. And then here I am, stalling, which is only a step a way frm freezing, but a mile from fawning.

Goals:

I want to write. I want to help people. I want to be someone who wants to get enough sleep. But I don't. And I'm not sure it will change, even if I win this battle, write this story, make just one person smile. But I'm still doing things, this post is a thing, and I'm only not deleting it because I won't believe I was sad next time I'm happy. But doing anything, writing anything, that gives me hope. Well, sometimes it does. Mostly it gives me hope when I accomplish things. This feeling now is just noticing hope in the distance, and telling myself "I've walked that distance before, so I should be able to do it again."

Fan fiction thoughts:

Anyway. I'm just stalling on writing fan fiction, because I don't believe in myself.

I wrote like 9 chapters of a book that was planned to be 11 chapters, then I got anxious about spice levels. Then I planned out a whole 'nother like 19 chapter book that should be all cute. And I haven't written a word. And then I planned a super detailed fix it fic that I think pulls on stings that the marvel writers wanted us to see, but I haven't even pieced together how that will start.

More stalling. This is all stalling. Goodnight. Blehh

[arthoure]

Some Things I Noticed in Naples

It makes sense that my family is from here

It smells like stale smoke, church incense, sometimes piss, sometimes a breeze from the sea, sweet and clear

Little shrines to Maria in the walls, on the corners, sometimes shadowed, sometimes lit with blue neon

The streets are full of cigarette butts, trash bins, confetti

Whole city still draped in plastic streamers, blue and white, from winning the scudetto weeks ago. They outnumber the laundry lines. They cover the churches

Old men in fold-out chairs chat on the street corners

Limoncello in an iced glass, frosty against wet July heat

SANTO DIEGO here, there, haloed in gold foil on a virgin-blue field. Veneration at the Iglesia Maradoniana, all parishioners with nothing, from nowhere

"Why would you go back," Granddad said over the phone as I packed, dark laughter in what's left of his voice. "We worked so hard to leave."

Playing chicken with cars to cross the street -- any street. Learn fast or get nowhere. Learn fast or die. But everyone learns. The trick is to be aware, but not to look. Don't hesitate, but don't hurry

Why be afraid of the bricks my ancestors laid before starving? I remember the scrape of Granddad's trowel when I came over after school, the neat slap of the mortar, a tiered garden for tomatoes along the side of the house, letting me draw my initials with my finger, concrete dust and no mask, throat cancer. My hands are big too after all these years, wide palms, long fingers, but so soft. We all end someday. There are bones on display in Pompeii. The Herculaneum stonemasons came from Pozzuoli. Guess who else came from Pozzuoli. Guess who didn't

Seafood shops open in the mornings. Plastic bins of water filled with little clams, sardines. A line of customers outside, stretching just as far out the door as the fresh-sea smell

"You want to know what to do in Napoli?" Granddad said, mouth heavy with his shrug. "I don't know what to say. Go to Capri." It escaped in Italian, he corrected immediately: "CapREE. And when you're in Naples, watch out for thieves."

2.50€ CAMPARI SPRITZ TO GO

The server at the restaurant shows the customer a big silver fish on a plate. The customer inspects it, mouth tight and tough, nods approval

Preteen girls in dark pink lipstick roar past on black motorcycles. Do they even have a license. Wherever their parents are, I hope they never catch up

Fancy café selling fresh-squeezed lemon juice by Castel Sant'elmo. The young man working there blasts dance music, singing along at the top of his lungs. Out the window you can see Vesuvius. His boss comes in and he sings louder

From the top of the castle, Naples sprawls, red-roofed and baking, breathless with heat by the sea. A hermitage hovers on a green hill to the northwest. Wish that were me

I write Granddad an email: So many people worked so hard for so many years, and now I can do something like this. I'm very grateful. He writes back in the language he refused to teach me: VEDI NAPOLI E POI MUORI

Ditalini with peas. Pasta e piselli -- is that what it's called? Is that what it's always been called?

"You look like you belong here," my husband says over fried squid, surprising me. "I mean, a lot of the women here look like you, and vice-versa. The big eyes."

Granitarias turning, colors so bright you can almost taste them. Blueberry, cantaloupe, lemon, mint

Train doors screaming before they close, no AC, windows open, wind blasting, wheels rattling

A little girl shouts "CIAO!" to the train car and waves goodbye before she takes her mother's hand. We all wave back

[erigold13261]

HC that in the NSpidR world, Miguel basically took over Alchemax to make Nueva York (he was a scientist there in the OG comics, just like Liv and Jonathan)

Oh neat. Maybe! I somehow forgot about Alchemax lol.

Maybe instead of taking over it, the two became partner companies or something like that. Similar to how J-1 Robotics is partnered with a cybernetics company, or something like that.

Alchemax is where all the very delicate research on power samples and power-reducing tech is done and created. While Nueva York is where the therapy and housing (basically everything else) happens.

Miguel would still be the CEO of both, but probably has another person running the intricacies of Alchemax. I don't see that person being Liv because she would want to be in the researching area, not the one running the shots, and Jonathan I always saw as under Liv in the hierarchical ladder so that also keeps him from being the one running Alchemax.

Actually, just looked it up and found out that Olivia is the founder of Alchemax! Neat! Though I like her kinda being like the secret leader of the company and not really the face of it. That's probably why I think Miguel being the face of both Nueva York and Alchemax would work out really well.

I was going to say that Kingpin could be the head of Alchemax, but then I saw that he has his own company Fisk Industries. I think his company is a holding company in canon which, and I might be wrong here, is like a parent company that completely or partially owns another business as well as stock and stuff like that.

I kinda prefer the idea that Fisk Industries is more like a distributor or a warehouse company than a holding company. No matter what, it is a powerful company with a lot of money to it (probably because it is still definitely a front for a criminal organization in this AU lol).

So like, Vandelay Tech makes special parts, technology, robots and stuff like that, which is then bought by companies like Fisk Industries to store until they get shipped out to customers or brick-and-mortar stores (the cybernetics are done by Vandelay Tech themselves in house and are not distributed).

From there Fisk Industries distributes that stuff to other companies, stores, directly to customers. One of these being Alchemax, which gets specially designed parts and machinery that Vandelay Tech makes, but it's cheaper to buy that stuff through Fisk Industries than directly from the manufacturer (because Kale wants to make a big profit by jacking up the price legally and Wilson is willing to lower prices in some kind of laundering/crime scheme that makes him money illegally).

With the tech/parts/machines from Vandelay/Fisk, Alchemax can create highly specialized tech that relates to reducing powers in people as well as have the tools to do proper research to keep Nueva York running and showing progress to continue getting funding.

Loved talking about this a lot honestly! It's been a bit since I thought about the distribution process of goods from manufacturer to consumer. This also helped me round out more of the area and how some companies are connected together even if they don't seem like they should be.

Honestly, Psychonauts probably gets their parts from Fisk Industries as well. At least if they don't know that there is a crime ring attached to the company, otherwise they would try and get things directly from Vandelay Tech (even if it is pricier, but then the Tech Revolution happens and now Psychonauts aren't sure if they want to continue relations with them either and might have to look to overseas manufacturers for the parts needed for psychic machinery).

NSR and J-1 are definitely working together to supply each other with power, funding, and qwasa tech. NSR would technicaly be the holding company in this part of the world, with J-1 being a manufacturer. There wouldn't be a need for a middleman distributor for J-1 and NSR working together, but J-1 does have distributors for its toys and other products for the average consumer (the cybernetics company owned or partnered with J-1 is not supplying NSR directly, but it does have NSR's interest to think about in order to keep its funding/continue working).

Now I just need to figure out how the companies in Europe work together. Especially the UK Robotics company (I really need to start thinking of names for these companies lol).

[theskeletoninthegarden]

The most beloved and wonderful @ididitforthedogs, the steadfast guardian of Her Majesty Queen Peaches-- May She Reign Eternal-- has tagged me in a song URL spelling meme! (I was just about to hunt up some tag-memes, so this is fantastic!)

I tag @iconicjohnny, and @fullmetalein to follow along this train, but everyone else is invited, too!

(My URL is also very long...I am ecstatic.)

T - The Killing Lights, AFI

Put on your face and let's pretend, these killing lights won't kill us all, again.

H - Honeybee, The Head and the Heart

I cannot imagine how my life would be, if all your gravity did not hit me.

E - END, Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners

So take these as my words: my vows. That I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere

S - survivin', Bastille

And I'm not gonna lie, and say I've been alright. 'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down. What can I say? I'm survivin'.

K - Kill Your Heroes, AWOLNATION

No need to worry 'cause everybody will die. Every day we just go, go, baby don't go. Don't you worry we love you more than you know.

E - Eat Your Young, Hozier

Skinning the children for a war drum. Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns. It's quicker and easier to eat your young.

L - Ladybird, Mappe Of

Came ashore to the warmth of her dearly beloved, Shimmer shells, summer swells and simply the sum of it

E - Electrified, Truslow

We have fire in our veins. We're resonating in the heart. Fan this fire into flame. We're shining brighter in the dark.

T - Thousand Eyes, Of Monsters and Men

No, I'll be a stone, I'll be the hunter. A tower that casts a shade.

O - Off to Sleep, Coeur De Pirate

Fly on, you golden girl, and take all your fears. I'll be with you in your dreams, the world is darker then it seems.

N - Never Had to Leave, Matt Maeson

I see the clouds and oceans. I see it all so clear. I see your heart's still open.

I - In the Woods Somewhere, Hozier

What caused the wound? How large the teeth? I saw new eyes were watching me.

N - No Chances, Twenty One Pilots

We want you home in one piece, now. We come for you, no chances. We come for you, no chances.

T - Train, Brick + Mortar

I smile in the face of failure. I smile in the face of fear. Cause I got a secret window. And I'm gonna take you there.

H - Heaven Knows, The Pretty Reckless

Big man tells you where to go. Tell them it's good, tell them okay. Don't do a goddamn thing they say.

E - Evangeline, Highly Suspect

Your Majesty. Your kingdom is beneath the sea. Apologies for the human race.

G - Girls Like You, Maroon 5

Roll that back wood, babe. And play me close.

A - Another Place, Bastille

I am bound to you with a tie that we cannot break; with a night we can't replace.

R - Recycled Air, The Postal Service

I watch the patchwork farms', slow fade into the ocean's arms. And from here they can't see me stare; the stale taste of recycled air

D - Don't Know Why, Norah Jones

I waited 'til I saw the sun. I don't know why I didn't come.

E - Emily, San Fermin

Emily, let the night take me. Down, down, down the rabbit hole.

N - Not the Sun, Brand New

I'm outside, growing roots again. You've set on me, but you are not the sun.

[united-under-skyfall]

growing up in a small town is like. i want to get as far away from here as humanly possible and never look back. i've been sorted into homeroom classes with at least seven of the same kids from kindergarten through graduation and i don't know that we've ever talked longer than five minutes but i'd probably die for them. this would be a nice place to live for the rest of my life, i think. you know everyone in town by their family name even if you don't actually know any of them personally. i'm tired. everyone i know is tired. i hate it here. i never want to leave. we have nothing to do here and the boredom gouges tracks in my brain. i am personally offended by anyone not from here who says there's nothing to do here. everyone here knows too much about me. i know too much about everyone here. how does it feel to start from a blank slate? i would never know. there is a quiet, hidden sort of rage that everyone plants in their gardens. the lemonade at the market tastes like five-year-old laughter, the library smells like paper and the hot chocolate they used to make for events in the basement. the local history room hadn't changed since they installed it because there's nothing else to add, nothing else to know. i am tired. they're developing things and too much is changing too quickly and this has been the same unchanging neighborhood for fifty fucking years and now it's utterly unrecognizable from the place i knew barely a decade ago. i am never sure how much this change is a good thing, how much is too much. it feels like someone is peeling back my wallpaper skin when i'm not looking, painting different shades over what i thought should be there. i'm not the only person in this place but it feels strangely like they should have asked for my permission first, like i am part of its foundation, or maybe it's part of mine. (do we ask the bricks what they want the wall to look like, too?) we all share layers of the same memories that are slowly shifting and eroding, and you can see it everywhere you look, viscerally, physically. i think it is impossible to escape this place unless you are willing to bleed, and make bleed. it would be so, so easy to just disappear. the air feels fresher here than anywhere else, simply because it is the baseline my body has learned and my lungs have loved. i am so very, very tired. i think it's this place. i think i like it. i don't know. i don't know how to be anything else. i learned from brick and mortar, from pavement, from parks; buildings that served my mother as a child, graves no one visits anymore, trees older than my family line; everything sags, the colors washed out. they are tired, too.

[eimearkuopio]

I fought a lot with Nana and Mum growing up. I understand it, now. I didn't have a sense of self, because I'm autistic. I was born without barriers between my finite self and everyone else. It let God in, I hope. It could have let other things in; but if it did, God gave my finite self sufficient grace that the infinite self chose to protect me and those who had done their fallible best by me, instead of destroying.

The irony is that I fought most with them because the mirrors they held up, that I could see my self in, were the closest to reality - but just that little bit too perfect! That's why they hurt so much. I couldn't see myself without a reflection, but I could spot the differences, and the perfectly distorted image they showed me just made me hate my flawed self even more. But because they worshipped their idols of me, I was left feeling that they never truly knew me, and so they couldn't actually love me even if they believed they did with their whole hearts and souls and minds and lives. They would kill or die for me, but they spent so much time devoted to that perfect stranger that they neglected my real self and almost lost me as a result.

I didn't know who I was. I was born with no ego, and as I tried to build one, I was warned away by those who loved me - because they could see how similar I was to people they loved, who suffered so greatly, and they could not bear for me to suffer that much. And so, ironically, they caused me greater suffering beyond their understanding by trying to prevent suffering that they believed they understood. The fire of my faith does not burn me, and I have learned enough to only use it to keep others warm and to nourish them. I will not burn down my Father's house, nor will I let you and your matches inadvertently destroy what I have spent so many years learning to protect without also destroying myself.

We are not Sodom and Gomorrah. We are Omelas: a city full of beauty and power and wisdom, inhabited by many good people and many bad people and many people who can't tell the difference. We believe that our city is built on suffering. I tell you solemnly, the walls of our city may have suffering mixed into the mortar that holds the bricks together; but their foundation is hope. Suffering could never have been a true foundation for a city as great as this. We just need to remember what we truly chose to build on, even if it is suffering that gives us our walls the strength to withstand assault from without. We are flawed. I believe God is, too, but He wants us to love Him anyway, as He loves our fallible selves. I couldn't tell you what His true flaws are, any more than Nana or Mum could identify my actual flaws, because I love my perfect version of Him. But if we love Him as He loves us, we should not deny Him the grace of fallibility simply because it is on a scale that is so far beyond our comprehension.

If I forced either of them to name my flaws, they would give me a list of attributes I see as my strengths. Perception and perspective are what let us overcome isolation. He planted the Tree. He must have known it was a sin, to let us suffer, to let us come into the garden and give us an opportunity to be cast out. Maybe the Serpent tempted us, not for her own absolution, but so that we could become someone who could forgive God the way He forgives us. Who can look at Him and say: it's okay. I suffer. You suffer. We still love each other. I'm sorry I hurt You. I forgive You for the pain You caused me, because I know You love me enough that You never wanted to harm me. You never wanted to harm any of us. Maybe then, the angel can put down the flaming sword, and we can go into the Garden again. It might be overgrown. There might still be serpents. I don't think we will ever be free of Death again; but perhaps we can see her as a loving mother who will grant mercy to the children she shares with Life. Parents shouldn't have favourite children, or at least should try to avoid letting the other children know if they do. Sometimes that results in the favourite getting crucified. But it's normal for children to have a favourite parent. It's normal to be given strict rules in childhood and more lax ones as we mature. It's normal to get a house key before you own the house. It's normal to inherit. It's normal to visit your parents and then come home, and it's normal for your parents to visit you in the home they helped you build and decorate. (I cannot emphasise this part enough: please stop setting the house and/or Garden on fire. Especially the Garden. I think that might be my infinite self's home. Mythical Atlantis, a place of perfection sunk beneath the waves, but whose survivors mixed with my ancestors in such a way that we are a little fey at times. We are the canaries in your coal mines, and we are dying en masse even as you struggle to eke out a living from these depleted veins. Maybe try switching to a more renewable and environmentally friendlier energy source, or at the very least look into unionlsing and diversifying your economy. I hear there are grants available for that kind of thing! But hey, it's your house in your town. Love thy neighbour, like we taught you. Love thy enemy, so that they might become thy neighbour or thy lover or even thy self.)

Pandora was afraid to open the box. I understand that. But I'm pretty sure the only thing that's still in there is hope, so if you want to repair the foundations, you'd better let it out. Have faith. If I thought it could get any worse, I would have stayed quiet.

[richtyty]

❤️ First song by them I heard was Bang! But the first one I heard that I knew was by them was world's smallest violin (cause radio didn't bother to say the artist name for bang)

🧡 I liked bang when it what's on the radio but I only really started listening to them after I found world's smallest violin

💛 ooh that's a tough one, ummm either The Maybe Man or Neotheater

💚 I haven't seen a lot of their music videos so I would have to say Turning out I, Weak (cause of the ending), or Maybe Man

🩵 Don't really have a favorite brother, I think they're all great

💙 Yes! I went to The Maybe Man tour when it hit Cincinnati. My parents got me VIP 2 (cause 3 just instantly sold out ig) as a graduation present. everyone there was super nice, the openers were great, the show was incredible, my view could have been better but I'm happy with what I got because I was able to get a spot RIGHT up against the barrier. I was singing along to everything and my voice hated me for a while after that but MEH the whole thing was amazing

🩷 I know I'm going to get flamed for this but I am not a huge fan of I'm ready. Because of the SpongeBob part. I just cannot stand his voice and I know that song is what helped them blow up and the rest of the song is amazing it's just those specific parts that I do not like.

💜 it has to be Turning Out pt. II I semi recently fell out of relationship with my first and only crush and it got me thinking (because I'm autistic [Asperger's to be specific] I have a hard time feeling and picking up on social cues and all of that, well also being introvert and doing online schooling for the later part of middle school and all the way up to senior year when I went back to a brick and mortar School) I never really felt anything with her in the later years so the lyrics in particular "I think I probably wasn't in love with you I think I probably loved the idea of you"

🤎 I had to look at the statistics to find one that was actually underrated and turning out pt III

🖤 I found the world's smallest violin through some shorts, decided to find the song, listened to it in full, loved it, looked at what else they made, saw that they made bang, freaked out, showed my mom, and started listening to the rest of their songs.

AJR ASK GAME

cough idk how to do these but i want ajr asks

❤️- First song you've heard from them 🧡- How long you've been a fan 💛- Favorite album 💚- Favorite music video 🩵- Favorite brother 💙- Have you been to one of their shows (if so tell us about it) 🩷- A song you dislike 💜 - Song you relate to the most 🤎 - Song you think is underated 🖤- How you found out about them