#of all the posts i thought I'd get anon hate for. i didn't think it'd be BURRITO TOMIE

[layzeal]

good MORNING to fourteen year old weirdos on tumblr dot com ❤️

[danieyells]

been thirsting over subaru before the new chapter even dropped, but now i'm really going through it. this might be tmi, but when it comes to pretty boys like him, i either want to make them into a pretty crying mess or let them have their way with me. it was the former before, but after seeing him express his anger towards humans? god, i cannot; i became very weak to that shit so quickly! i'd let him have his way with me anytime, anyday, but i'd probably have to fuck some confidence into him first before that ever happens <3

THERE ARE NO TMIS HERE ANON tell me your darkest and dirtiest /chinhands and kicks feet) it just may take me a while to get to them because i am very slow and my adhd is in the way and it's easy to lose track of things in my inbox and notes--

I think it'd be pretty easy to make Subaru into a crying mess, although you may have to be a bit mean to him to do it and make him touch a lot of people or things against his will to be overwhelmed by their memories and traumas and awful feelings. . .or maybe bring him to Jabberwock and let him watch Towa electrocute anomalies. . .actually now that I think about it when he asks if you frequent Sinostra in his voicelines I wonder if it's because he knows Taiga just raw eats anomalies and Romeo auctions off anomalies and he hates them for it. . .another thought for another post.

On the other hand between him being an actor and him having had experienced this for a while I wonder if he's beyond crying over it. . .he didn't cry for the souls of those children and the dolls after all.

but also with him being an actor if you told him you wanted him to cry he could probably do it on command. It'd be fake crying but I think, if he liked you, he'd want to please you and be able to cry for you haha

on the other hand. . .if you've done some bad shit in your life and he sees it all in your memories when he touches you, assuming he still likes you enough to fuck, it'd also be easy to get him to fuck you to tears lololol or maybe you could suggest he use you for stress relief("oh, no, I could never do that--" "No no no! I want you to. No pressure from either of us!" "Ah. . . .") but like. . .he'd need to really trust you. He thinks every minor infraction of his will make people hate him and leave him, so it'd probably take a lot to get him to rough you up if he actually likes you. but if you've enjoyed any sort of masochistic or submissive sexual activities and he saw that in your memories he might at least be lighter on himself since it's obviously something you enjoy. . . .

So, yeah, you're absolutely right. Confidence and comfort and trust building first. . .then absolutely ruining your holes. Maybe some punishment play if you're into that or you've done some horrible things in your life. He'd give great aftercare though, you'd have all day aftercare with him. He'd need just as much aftercare because you don't hate me right please don't hate me i was trying to do something you'd like but when i think about it you were in pain and that must have been awful and i understand if you hate me but i really like you and hope you don't or i can make up for it--BUT LIKE. HE'D TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU. I can definitely see him as a people pleaser, if he liked the person and didn't think they were awful. On the other hand I can see him liking someone and learning they were awful to other people or animals or anomalies and he just. . .I still like you but we have to make sure you learn and improve and do better. I'll help you. That wasn't an offer, that was an order.

[yuseirra]

Hi there, lovely artist!

I have no idea if you answer these kinds of question, but considering what we see in the manga. Do you have any headcanons on how the twins see Hikaru and how Hikaru would see the twins? What would they like/dislike about each other? Or would the twins just hate Kamiki, without feeling anything else?

Hello lovely anon! I can't promise you that I will, because I have to say, I'm not very confident about talking about things I'm not sure of.

In terms of fandom, I tend to focus very hard on these very specific plot points I get interested and intrigued in... as for the rest of the work, I would have broad ideas. I would care about how things flow overall, but I don't really feel like I could ever be one of those fandom experts who come to answer every part of a work in depth. Some people can do it, and they're really amazing!///

If there's something I really want to talk about or have thought in depth, I feel I would come to bring it up on my own eventually. 'v')/ So if I had to choose between "yes, I answer them" and "no, I don't", I'd say it'd be the latter because I can only talk about the things I have a strong idea or a sense of conviction towards!

You're really nice though, and your question here is a little bit on the border(?) in terms of what I thought about, so it's something I can try and answer a bit on my end, but it may not be as well as I'd like at the moment.

I've been drawing a lot of fanarts of Hikaru, right?

I drew some comics with him hoarding some familial feelings towards the twins, I feel he acknowledges/considers himself as their father.

In the third one that I linked, I had him say "I like it. I like having kids who take after us(him and AI). They are what you've left behind." I think that's a summary of how I think he thinks of his kids.

The idea that Hikaru has fatherly feelings for the twins comes right out from his mouth in CH 153, and there's no reason to take that as a lie. He didn't need to say that at all, and he was preparing to leave Aqua and be gone for good out of their lives(hey Aqua you didn't need to point your knife at him then;; he was already planning to do it in the first place)

I also wrote quite a few analyses that he does care for his children and he loves them all. I wrote about that even in my first in-depth analysis of him- I'll just bring along the full phrasing I had in that post.

Kamiki advising Aqua and Ruby aligns with my interpretation of his character. These actions seem sincere. Given his affection for Ai, he may feel some warmth towards their children, as he once referred to Ruby as "our" children. He's also been able to see through how Aqua is in a very accurate sense, he seems to have watched him intently. Hence, when Aqua approached him, he expressed his feelings honestly.

To Aqua, he says stuff like "you might find me detestable, but I was glad to talk like this with you", and he gives some advice to Ruby too in a pretty kind way, actually. These actions are likely genuine. It's only natural to find the children, who resemble themselves and their loved one, adorable. Just as Ai told the twins, while dying, that she was glad to have given birth to the children, I think Kamiki, even if they didn't love the children as much as they do for Ai, would at least be happy about their existence. I believe Kamiki would have kept a distant watch over them all along. It's just that he couldn't approach them.

I feel like he'd have been a good father. He's being really patient with Aqua in 160 as well, he does not get agitated or show signs of frustration even while having a lot of strong words and accusations being thrown at him. If all went well and Ai and he really had become family.. he'd have been a very soft and loving kind of dad I think. I drew a few comics with that sort of idea. If he'd actually gone and went to meet the kids, he'd have been soft around them and Ai. The way I see it, he CAN give his life for his kids as well as for Ai's.

What he'd like and dislike about them, huh?

I'm not sure what he'd dislike about the twins... I actually don't see this character having a dislike in people because he never harshly treats anyone (come on, he STILL adds a -kun to Ryosuke's name, it's just-;;)

He seems to be watching Ruby's performances intently, I think he really likes seeing his daughter shine, and he visibly shows happiness when she claims she'll be an idol that surpasses her mother. For whatever reason, he's HAPPY. and he's watching Ruby's performance through his phone in 159. I was thinking that maybe he was going to go sacrifice himself for Ai (in 155 he did leave on a note saying he's going to do something for Ai, right...) but he's seeing Ruby's stage last thing before he has to go? Could THAT be it if that plot point ISN'T a lost cause? Anyhow, he really seems to like seeing his daughter.

As for Aqua, I think he relates to him and views him as his son who's been going through the same struggles he's been. I think he worries/is concerned over Aqua because.. he's been there, in the same places he's been. That whole mention of the black star eyes in 160? I think that's him trying to relate to him, seeing how his son is so keen about lies. You have those same eyes, you've been doing the same things I've been doing, it was fun, wasn't it(a question meant to be answered on a negative note)? I think that's what he's trying to get at, actually.. Although Aqua doesn't take it that way and the whole chapter addresses it in a really ambiguous manner. He was quite understanding of Aqua in 152 too.

So for Ruby, I feel Kamiki sees her as a daughter who will go beyond Ai (he's proud of her) and for Aqua, I think he takes him as his son who resembles him in ways he actually didn't want for it to be- thus has some concerns over.

I've made a lot of analysis about Hikaru in order to characterize him in my fanworks of him well, so I could talk about how he'd feel, I actually haven't thought so much of how the twins would feel towards him and I'd just take what the manga throws at me on this XD Here's what I got though,

Ruby wasn't able to forgive him and really loathed her father for quite a while in the plot, but somehow, she decided to forgive him even before Aqua could. Maybe this was because she decided to move on to the future and save everyone by becoming the best idol ever, and maybe it was because she played the role as Ai in the movie and understood the feelings her mother had towards her dad. She still wanted to inquire him as he left in 155, though, so I wonder what would have actually happened if that happened.

Aqua is a bit confusing for me, he's the one who played as his dad in the movie, so theoretically, he should be the one who understands Kamiki the most but I'm not so sure if he actually does. That part is still left pretty vague. Is he harsh towards his dad because he knows his true colors? Are his accusations towards him in ch 160 really how things were in an accurate sense? Because I hope not, it does not make sense for me if it is, not because I favor Kamiki but I just can't stand the idea of Ryosuke and Nino being the ones that have been manipulated into stabbing people. It CAN'T be that way, the story will be so ugly if it leads to that conclusion. It's just weird, too.

He still says he feels like killing Kamiki when he talks to Ichigo after he's left... so I think he hates him. From what I've been getting from 160 is that he's aware that Ai really wanted to save and loved Kamiki, but he thinks he's beyond hope, and is a despicable liar who's murdered people for his own gain so he needs him gone from his life. So it's mostly dislike I see. Aqua associates his negative characteristics with Kamiki and that could mean he does have something he finds he can relate to in a sense, but is this really an accurate depiction he has? Does he know about his dad as much as he should? I'm really biased on this one at this point but I feel like he STILL doesn't understand either his mother, or his father. He says he wants to fulfill Ai's wish, but he wasn't aware that she could cry until Ruby made her performance. He might have gotten a better grasp of Ai at this point compared to that, but.. if he realizes how much love she has for Kamiki, then he'd see how strong her wishes were. Was there really no room for Aqua to see his father in a better light?

In short, they all do have complex feelings towards each other but

Kamiki>Ruby,Aqua: Pure love. He does have fatherly feelings for the both of them and cares about both his children

Aqua>Kamiki : Hate. Feels he's irredeemable, associates him with his negative sides and feels they are the same in that aspect. Wants him gone.

Ruby>Kamiki : Ambiguous, but I don't think she has any initiative to have had any positive feelings towards Kamiki? Maybe a bit of sympathy, understood Ai loved him, but still Dislike. A little less hate compared to Aqua but that'd be because she wants to "head on to the future" and focus on her idol work. "Forgave him".. but really?; She probably didn't want him to die by Aqua's hands and get further associated with him that way as a foul memory.

Long post, I hope you enjoy! :) My comics tend to reflect the impression and my interpretations and I really care about the relationship dynamics when I draw them, so you'll be able to infer how I think about them through those too!

Hope you have a nice weekend!

[seth-burroughs]

the fucking kokohead

I am in so much pain right now my flesh is melting tbh anyway miss Kokohead you got. A Lot. No tierlist we're doing this the hard way of our ancestors but mostly mine, on a scale from 1/10, descending order, counting only those I either saw or thought up myself at some point

Kokogami (Yuma x Shinigami): 10/10 perfect I could just end it there, what the hell do you want me to say, you played the game. You saw them. I love being an annoying kokogami fan, seriously fuck you if you don't like kokogami I hope kokogami haters feel so oppressed and targeted by this statement especially you, you may have deleted your reblog and turned on anon but you will never delete your sins nor be granted anonymity before the judgment of god aka Yomi Hellsmile. Sorry I am very passionate about kokogami I can't help it. Also I'm revisiting MDARC and seeing their first interactions again so I'll probably won't be normal for quite a while. They make me so sad and happy and horny and cathartic I'm not okay. Nothing will ever be okay after the MDARC ending also they're pretty much canon at this point like I'm pretty sure they had sex on screen several times

Kokohell (Yuma x Yomi): 10/10 If I wasn't so sad and miserable and tired all the time nowadays I would have drawn them so often alas. Anyway what do I even say. One of the most Yuma ships that ever shipped. Don't mess with kokohell fans there's 4 of us 5 if you count that other japanese person from pixiv/twitter that has stopped making kokohell fanart like months ago. I like bonking the main protags and antags together in nearly all fandoms, aesthetically they slay, their dynamic is already glorious even discounting all the shit I just made up in my head and would be improved 10000x times if we locked them in the Utena Yuri Jail until they finally fuck, it'd actually be so fucked and I'm trying my fucking best to prevent myself from just chewing on my arm right now because arrrrghhrhrh grrr grrrr. Anyway not quite on the level of kokogami but I'm not fucking okay thinking about this either. How could I be . When these freaks exist.

Kokoford (Yuma x Fubuki): 9/10 excellent vibes in a way chapter 3 was the best chapter because it had Fubuki in it and she literally has the power to make any dynamic better. You can imagine Fubuki with literally every single character and it's actually really good because she just has this thing about her that makes everything worth it. Sometimes I remember that one fucking post that said Kodaka normalizes the grooming of little boys because Predator Fubuki wanted Minor-coded Yuma to date her and I get so ma- wait actually I just fucking remembered that scene????? she really literally asked him to consider being her boyfriend in their gumshoe gabs oh my god I am in fucking heaven I'm making it higher than kokofurio actually

Kokofurio (Yuma x Yakou): 9/10 perfect I actually didn't expect to like this one that much. I don't agree with the popular headcanon of him being a "father figure" to Yuma mainly because 1) these are grown ass men 2) i hate the found family trope 3) sure Yuma might call him daddy a few times but father just sounds too formal you know,

Makoyuma (Yuma x Makoto): 7/10 and points removed only because I literally think about it like, once in a year. Like on paper they are mega compelling but unfortunately I cannot bring myself to care or maybe just forgot if I did earlier. Maybe when I get to all the makoyuma scenes on my revisit it'll awaken something I literally have nothing to say right now. For now I'll just say their dates are NOT fucking normal

Kokoxander (Yuma x Fake/Hitman Zilch): 6/10 I saw it quite a few times actually and it's interesting I'd say!! Though it's pretty much impossible (or just weird, lmao) for me to imagine Aide having feelings for, let alone pursue, anyone other than Yomi I mean if I squint there is something there that makes me want to start biting and shaking it around in my teeth. The 2-minute long yaoi they must have had on the train was bizarre and unnerving. In less angst-packed scenarios, like a kokohell au I can 100% see Yomi just introducing his new chewstick boyfriend to Aide and him having to tolerate him which pretty much progresses like. Aide says he doesn't want a new pet guy, Yomi gets one anyway, two weeks later Aide and Yuma found moaning sexually while lighting each other's cigarettes looking into each others eyes in a non-bro way locked in tender embrace anyway I don't know what they're typically called cause like 3 entire people including myself ship it so I made up one on the spot and kinda sounds like some hard drug name. Also Yomi makes them fuck while he watches and sits upon the Fudanshi Throne in front of them. This is the kind of fucked up twisted shit that happens when he acquires a polycule

Kokowendy (Yuma x Kurumi): 5/10 I like their dynamic fine actually and I don't really know if that's a common opinion here? I just don't know if I'll really prefer it as romantic instead of just what it was in the game. I love Kurumi what a funky little lad I don't trust people who don't like Kurumi. I want to put that boy (tmasc beam activate) in so much wacky situations and many of them don't even involve Yuma

Kokomare (Yuma x Halara): 3/10 I like their dynamic but there's not an ounce of love within Halara's body that's not exclusively reserved for adorable little kitties. Not a single romantic or sexual or platonic or familial thought in them. They view Yuma as like, kind of like a wet stray kitten they are graciously taking in they'll never admit it but he's kinda cute with those prey animal eyes

Kokobolt (Yuma x Desuhiko): 1/10 sorry not for me + I don't like Desuhiko

Kokolight (Yuma x Vivia): 1/10 sorry not for me + I don't like Vivia

[groenendaelfic]

Regarding the Fate of As Long as We Have Each Other

Dear Anons,

First let me say that I absolutely love your wonderful messages and compliments. They give me life and I treasure them and few things cheer me up more than a nice word or two about my fics and knowing I'm not just typing into the void.

I'll keep trying my best to answer asks if they include questions or bring up interesting points others might be interested in as well (in fact there are quite a few I have been putting off answering because I want to do it properly and that'll probably take an hour or two each, but I haven't forgotten about them!) and you can always message me with other stuff so I don't have to answer publicly (although admittedly it sometimes takes a while for me to reply because irl and anxiety), and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but please,

PLEASE stop sending me melodramatic asks regarding the fate of As Long as We Have Each Other. I get that you are impatient, but they aren't helpful and I got eight of them over the past ten days.

Don't get me wrong, a 'btw I still love that fic, will there be an update anytime soon?' is totally okay and appreciated, those are not the kind of asks I'm talking about.

Now I'm not sure if it's one anon or multiple ones, but my answer hasn't changed so let me copy/paste it from a previous post:

I have decided to finish A Pack of Two first,

Not because I love it more, but because it'll be a MUCH 'shorter' fic than ALaWHEO and I simply cannot keep switching between feral!Wille pov and official boyfriend!Simon pov, especially because both have a very narrow pov and are only aware of like a third of what's going on, and it's driving me bananas.

So yes, As Long as We Have Each Other is going on a short break, but I will definitely get back to it once APoT is done because I'm as enthusiastic about the story as I was on day one, maybe even more so.

ALaWHEO is my favorite fic across all of my fandoms and my baby, but I simply cannot write both it and APoT at the same time. I thought I could or else I wouldn't have started APoT, but I can't and so I had to make a choice.

If it helps, both my notes doc and my outline for ALaWHEO have grown significantly over the past seven weeks and it will definitely end up being over 400k, but only AFTER APoT is done.

Also in all my 23 years of being in fandom (in fact my fandom anniversary will be in 4 days! wtf is time even?) I have only ever given up on posting one fic that made it over 20k and that was because the fandom was an absolutely toxic dumpster fire and not because I lost interest, and even that fic I one day plan to go back to and post in its entirety once the fandom has shrunken considerably and all the 'I might not speak the language or have ever been to the country, but I've read a fan translation with footnotes and a few background posts and so now I totally know the time period and topic you've written your thesis on better than you' people have lost interest. So I promise ALaWHEO will get finished. I'm a completionist. I have all Civ6 steam achievements and believe me that was not fun. The only reason ALaWHEO will not be finished is if I am suddenly for whatever reason unable to write anymore (aka dead or gravely ill).

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I don't want to call anyone out or seem unappreciative, but my anxiety can only handle so many versions of 'have you completely abandoned ALaWHEO? do you hate it? do you hate me personally for once stating that I didn't like abo fic? I don't know how my poor heart will be able to cope if you give up on ALaWHEO forever and ever but my hope lives on' (no that was not as much of an exaggeration as you might think)

So please stop or I'll disable anon asks, which I'd hate to do because I love hearing everyone's thoughts and comments and also it'd be unfair to everyone else who has been so absolutely lovely, motivating, encouraging and most of all inspiring.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. (are those still a thing?)

[lightofraye]

I'd like to tell a story. I promise it has connection to what I've been writing about in regards to abuse.

It's about a cat... named Millie.

Millie's about two-three years old. She's one of the tail-less breeds, speculated to be at least part Manx. (Her original owner thought she was part bobcat, which is genetically impossible.)

Last year, I got a text from my daughter while I was driving home. She said she knew that I was firm on no more animals in the house--we've enough cats and dogs, thank you--but she wanted me to make an exception. I was wary. What on earth did she think would be enough to make me bend on that rule?

Well... Millie was posted on a Facebook group. Her original owner was looking to rehome her. Well, that's normal. Happens all the time. But then my daughter reminded me--nearly all pet shelters and animal rescues were overflowing, since folks were realizing just how difficult having a pet can be when offices were demanding an end to remote work.

And... Millie was front declawed. My daughter added that, fearful that if Millie's original owner couldn't find someone to take Millie, she'd be out on the streets--with no defense, since her claws were taken.

I sighed. I couldn't in good conscience leave a cat out to be killed. I told her "Okay. We'll take her in... for now."

Sure enough, once I got home, my daughter was off to fetch Millie from her soon-to-be former owner. When she returned... the story I learned made my heart ache.

Millie's owner was forced to rehome Millie because her husband demanded it. Millie would pee on him, on his clothes, bite him, and generally hated him.

We would piece together the stories over time... and got the full picture. Millie's former owner was an abused wife. Her husband had a fancy nice truck, nice clothes, got to keep his cat, didn't have to have his cat declawed. His wife? Millie's former owner? Threadbare clothing, her car a clunker, and she looked thin, wan, the appearance of an abused spouse.

Millie was trying to protect her owner as she knew best. When my daughter was pulling away with Millie in the car, her former owner was weeping.

We were told that Millie would hide under blankets. Fearful. Shy.

But within days she was bold and brave, wanting to come out before the cats had a chance to adjust to her. She didn't want to hide under her blanket. She ignored her toys. And she immediately latched onto me as her new owner.

Millie had to leave an abusive situation to truly bloom as a cat. She's affectionate, gets upset when I have to leave for work, and mews demandingly at me when I return home. She loves to sleep with me by my pillow all the time.

We've speculated that Millie chose me because she knew I was like her--someone who left an abusive partner and only bloomed now as a person.

This is sadly not true for many abuse survivors. Many retain toxic traits that they've developed because to step beyond what they know into the unknown is terrifying.

It was largely why I didn't date for several years, attended therapy, and just tried to get know who I was by myself without a partner to define me.

I'd rather take a chance with the unknown than slowly die by poison--which is what abuse really is. Be it physical, mental, emotional, financial. all of them. Abuse is poison.

It wears the person's identity until they live or die by their partner's praise. (Which is why that anon's statement of "lives to impress her" is absolute bullshit and dangerous. It's not sweet, at all.) Even when that praise is damning and not good for them.

I don't know if Millie will ever be able to return to her owner. We agreed that Millie will not go back until several things happen: 1) her original owner divorces her husband and lives on her own for at least a year with no sign of returning to him; 2) intense therapy; 3) and whether or not we think it'd be good for Millie to go back at all.

She's bonded to me know. I adore her and she adores me. She's finally happy and free in my home. There's no fear in her anymore.

[twotangledsisters]

Update.

First, I just want to thank everybody, I didn't want to re-blog an answer each individual post because; I don't wanna spam people?

So very quickly:

Thanks to @frozenwolftemplar cause your always so gentle with your words and the (like that festival with the sculptures that go 🔥🔥🔥) got me laughing. Also, I'd love to see more fics in different styles? I love when writers experiment! (same for any artists, I get so excited when an artist I follow tried out a new medium!)

Thanks to @nyleeu-e especially cause, knowing you also went through like, going into tumblr not logged in (might of misunderstood that) and found out the same thing brings my social anxiety down a lot. Cause... I just start overanalising soooo fast and end up thinking the worst, but I love your blog, there's nothing problematic going on? So I guess that kinda reinforces what a lot of people have said about it being a tts thing.

And @batata-doce-com-farofa of course thanks for the king words and yeah, the tags, a lot of people have suggested it's along those lines.

I'm not sure if in the past I've been very lucky to be in chills fandoms. I've been extremely ignorant to drama that was happening. Or times have just changed and in the time I was in uni unable to really be in a fandom interacting the way I am now, I was caught off guard by this change...

A friend also reminded me on the phone about how I use a 'mute' feature, so I don't block people unless it's absolutely necessary, I just have a feature which stops posts showing on my dashboard and stuff. And I do this mainly because, I may not like a certain ship or dynamic but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy other content from people? Also, I don't know if that person is reading a fic of mine on ao3 and there going to one day try to reach out on tumblr and find out their blocked and a have panic attack...

And saying that, I realize the fact my mind goes over this whole thought process as to why not to block someone, probably say a lot about my own socialy anxiety.

I think as well this hit me hard because I did a post a while back being like 'I have this paranoid feeling I'm invading the tts fandom space', and this felt like tumblr screaming that paranoia was correct...

That and there were a few people who's fanfics I interact with on ao3 who had me blocked... So... That's fun.

Plus, I've actually had a few hateful anon asks recently that I've been ignoring and kinda hoping/assuming it's all one single person... But there's always that bit in your brain that says 'what if it's a bunch of people!' But I have had A LOT more positive anonymous asks in my inbox (plus I value shy people and I think people who don't have a tumblr account can only ask anonymously so I wanna leave them on for fic readers who aren't on tumblr?)

Rambling, sorry.

I reached out today to my doctor and I'm going to get an 'emergency' meeting to get my anxiety meds checked cause... Something's not working. I've also been pulled aside by another doctor over weight loss the other day so, maybe that's something to do with my anxiety? (It'd be kinda nice if it was, like, two stones one bird?)

I should probably fully step away from the internet but, cause I work from home and my friends live 2 hours away... Tumblr, fandom, it all kinda becomes my social interaction between friend visits? Like, I'm an introvert but, it's nice to not be completely alone. I'ts hard to say if the internet does more or less for mental health some days...

I'll definitely be a bit less active on here while I reign in my anxiety.

None of this will affect Ao3, I am always like 40 days ahead of schedule!

I'll probably just log into Tumblr when I'm going to post something (like if I finish an animation, probably won't be doing all the works in progress stuff...) but if anybody wants to chat just pm me and I'll sell you my discord, that's on my phone so that notified me even when I'm not logging into tumblr!

I also have some anon asks in my inbox to do with animation suggestions, I've seen them! Except for one they're all great ideas I'd love to get around to! It just takes time I'm afraid, but I promise they've been received.

So yeah...

Huge thanks for all the kind words.

I think I'm going to go take a nap.

So I just made a huge mistake because... I was browsing tumblr from my ipad and didn't realize I wasn't on my usual account, and I was on the tangled the series tab and there was soooooo much content!

I was thrilled and then I realized...

It's not that there was a lot of content today.

It's that half the fandom seems to have me blocked.

And I don't know which fandoms rules I've broken to earn my exile...

But yeah.

I'm feeling.... Honestly, extremely, extremely unwell right now.

Like... I don't know what I'm going to do.

My instinct is delete tumblr, NEVER EVER EVER comment on a fic ever again because that's the only negative interactions I've had... And just.... Disappear off of tumblr (not ao3, I don't think my fanfics are the drama and I'm too deep into that rabbit hole)....

But obviously I'm writing this literally as I am made aware....

I'm just feeling extremely shitty right now.

And as though all my social anxiety is correct and most people hate me and.... Yeah.

I think I'm going to just go make a tea and watch some cartoons.

I wish I knew what I did...

I feel like I mostly just post animations and jokes and... I try to interact with the community but maybe I shouldn't have tried to interact.

[delusion-of-negation]

So if I, an Asian-American female, board an airplane and find myself uncomfortably seated adjacent to a Black man or a transgender-identified male, and express my discomfort about the arrangement to a flight attendant and request to be rearranged, and so the flight attendant escorts me to a seat in first class due to a lack of empty seats in coach class, that's just "accommodation" not privilege?

once, when I was in hospital, I had to have a nurse at arm's length from me at all times, she had to watch me constantly, because I was incredibly suicidal and incredibly good at escaping to do it. this is common practice in extreme cases. I had recently done another escape act and overdosed, so I was taken to a different hospital for treatment and she came with me. the ward I was put on had a dementia patient who had been in a prisoner of war camp when she was younger, she had serious ptsd from rape and torture that happened there, and her dementia would sometimes leave her thinking she was currently there. she had an episode, and began screaming and hurling racial abuse at the staff who were treating her, amidst begging that they stop touching her and screaming about the rape and abuse that happened, that she thought was presently about to continue. staff from that hospital decided she wasn't worth the effort. they left her alone completely. this lady could barely move, and was completely oblivious to her surroundings, so eventually she was sitting in a puddle of her own piss, sobbing, terrified. so me and my nurse shared a look, and she asked me to swear that I wouldn't run away, and I told her that I wouldn't, and I meant it, I wasn't going to get somebody fired for doing the right thing - and she would've gotten fired or worse, if I'd run off that would've been criminal negligence on her part, this was a big deal. so my nurse risked her whole career or more to get up, sneak into the storage room of a hospital she didn't work at (since she was wearing a nurse uniform, it was pretty easy), get what she needed, and go over to clean that lady up. and I couldn't tell anybody this happened for years, because if the nurse was identified by whoever I told it could get her in huge trouble. I was willing to put aside the only opportunity I'd have to kill myself for god knows how long (stays in psych wards in my country, not america, can be years), for a situation not too different from what you described - but that lady couldn't help it, she was ill and traumatised by something most people can barely imagine (I was a victim of abuse and rape and torture as a child, and I don't know if I can fully envision what a prisoner of war camp must've been like for her), meanwhile you just hate people because it's fun to argue on the internet. ultimately though, I would rather a hundred people like you be escorted to first class, than one person like her be neglected and left in their own piss again, so I'm happy to concede this and say: yes, it would be accomodation to move you to first class if there were no seats in coach, or to move the other person to first class if that's easier for the people involved. I don't even like the term privilege, outside of the ultra-wealthy, a lot of what we call "privilege" is actually just the lack of a disadvantage - it'd usually be called privilege that you don't understand the plight of those groups, and that you have the freedom to hate as you do, but really that's just you lacking the disadvantage of experiencing life as we, or other such marginalised groups, do. and btw, the term is trans woman, not transgender-identified male.

post in question:

prev anons:

[photogirl894]

hehe i know it’s a lot, but for the ask game: #30-40?

Oh wow! That's a lot, but I love it and I'll gladly answer every one of them! Thanks, anon! For the Star Wars asks:

30. Do you have any headcanons?

Not any that I can think of off the top of my head. I did see a post earlier wondering if Rex and Cody ever wondered what it'd be like serving with the other's Jedi General. I can see them doing that 🤣

31. Have you made any fan content?

Just my Bad Batch fanfic and drabbles that I've been doing. I don't have any artistic abilities to do fan art or anything.

32. Who would you cosplay as?

So I'm a redhead and there's, like, no redheads in Star Wars 😜 I'd go with Bo-Katan. She's got red hair and, plus, she's a Queen and I love her! 🥰

33. Which movie have you watched the most?

Probably "Empire Strikes Back". I spent a lot of my childhood watching the OT trilogy and that one is my favorite of the three.

34. Which trilogy is the best?

Can't beat the originals, really. And I'm gonna be controversial here and say I love the sequel trilogy a lot.

35. Opinions on the animated series?

Considering I returned to Tumblr for one of them, I think it's safe to say I love them 😁🥰 I grew up watching the Clone Wars with my brother, we'd be so excited for new episodes every week and some of our favorite characters in all of Star Wars come from Clone Wars. Needless to say, when season 7 was announced, I was ecstatic! I haven't really watched Rebels; I've seen a few episodes and parts, but I just couldn't really get into it. I know enough to know characters and certain things about the show. Then, of course, Bad Batch...I am obsessed! 🥰 I love it so much and it's so good!

36. Opinions on the Mandalorian?

Love that show, too! The technology used to make the show is phenomenal and the idea of following a Mandalorian, which is something that hadn't really been explored yet, was intriguing. Plus, the show gave me my green, bouncing baby boy 🥰😍

37. Opinions on the Jedi?

Well, they kinda suck. I mean, fighting with lightsabers is cool and all, but the Jedi were incredibly flawed and hypocritical. The thing that basically sealed the deal for me was, in the Clone Wars, when Ahsoka was framed for murder and for bombing the Jedi temple and they didn't even hesitate to believe the accusations. Then when it was proven she was innocent, they didn't even apologize at all! They tried claiming the whole thing was Ahsoka's "great trial" to try and cover up the fact that they f-ed up and so they didn't have to swallow their pride and admit they were wrong. I hated the Jedi after that cuz that was straight up bullshit!

38. Fic recommendations?

I've got a few! Not specific fics, but I know a few people who write really well! (Mostly for Bad Batch, though)

@moonstrider9904 , @lavenderstars37 , @hellothere501lover , @loth-wolffe , @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s , @nahoney22 and so many others!

39. If you wrote a "fix-it fic", what would you write about?

I would fix Ben Solo's death. He deserved to live and live the rest of his life with Rey! 😭 That's my big thing I would want to fix.

40. If you could make your own Star Wars trilogy/series, what would it be about?

That's kind of a hard one to answer because a lot of things I could think of have already been done for Star Wars one way or another. I've never really thought about it 😅

Star Wars Asks

[normal-thoughts-official]

I.t.a (Identity thief anon)

I thought I had replied (if I did and you just hadn't post it it's 1000% fine ahshs)

I love Elliott so much!! And his crush is so cute (but also looking at the bigger picture is hilarious that I killed his would be father in law lmao) also awfullest thing pixelberry did was making me choose if I wanted to be his legal guardian or if I wanted him to be emancipated only to not have to do any of them since, you know, our grandpa was still alive...

Also I thought about it way too much for a choice (with no actual impact) in a game ahshshshhs, emotionally wise I'd have wanted to be his legal guardian but I think it'd make more sense (legally) emancipation because he would still get government help but there wouldn't be a risk of someone taking him away of in case I wasn't a successful guardian, and he could apply for scholarships more easily while I worked or something lmao I was just excited in that part.

I know there are some books in which you can be poly but the only I remember was moty (mother of the year) which was a better than expected book (to be fair I didn't goof have expectations) and in that one I started to date the three love interests <3

How far along are you in endless summer, who are you romancing, what do you think of the classmates + lila and what do you think about the story in general 👀

u hadnt replied!!!! hi i missed you!!

i didnt know u could be polyam in moty! i might try it out then, i never gave it a shot cuz i hate the idea of having kids 😬 but anything for rep i guess

and YEAH I KNOW DIDNDIDNDO i love elliot so much and him and robbie are SO cute together but damn his in law straight up tried to kill us huh. like robbie deserves better than bobert or whatever his name is and im glad to have killed him but

also okay im in the middle of the second book idnfidndidndo around the part where the arachnids show up for jake. my opinions so far are kind of messy but uhhh

grace and raj are my faves, hands down. craig is a close second

i like almost everyone except for jake because hes just military propaganda in a trenchcoat with that annoying wahh im too conflicted to care about anyone white boy complex, and aleister because he was a dick to grace. idc how much he simps for her now she deserves better than him. and Quinn is kind of whatever. like her whole personality is uwu and its kind of annoying but i dont hate her or anything

the story is such a fucking mess?? udndidn i have NO CLUE whats going on 😩 if they manage to make everything make sense by the end ill be REALLY impressed cuz damn wtf is going on

im romancing sean!!!!!! what can i say, i have a type and that type is self sacrificial idiot. he has a heart of gold and he deserves better and aaaa 😭😭 u idiot man stop putting ur life in danger as the instinctual reaction BLEASE. i just want to wrap him in a blanket and make him take care of himself for once

i also like estela a lot but im not really that interested in romancing her ig? i enjoy our moments together but my feelings for her are more casual ig

i rlly want to like lila but i cannot stand her simping for discount tony stark my god. please lord just make it end

i rlly like everyone's dynamics???? its so nice to see how the group has been growing together more and more. i love them ❤️

i LOVE the vaanti. every last one of them. my beloveds. if they tried to kill us it's cuz theyre valid

varyyn and diego are the greatest couple this game has ever given me i am SO grateful for them. i just got to their first kiss and aaaaaa it was so sweet. upset at choices for not giving me art of their kiss when i had to watch aleister and grace's but 😩 its fine im fine. holding onto hope that ill get art of them eventually but i dont want to look it up and risk spoiling myself

i actually like craig and zahra as a couple a lot too which i didnt expect. i still dont fully understand what happened between them but i really hope they work it out :(

on that note i love zahra. anticapitalist queen. cant believe she fucking hacked wall street. id die for this woman even tho she wasted tiramisu

tbh i dont wanna get off the island. like what for? to go to college? when i could stay with the cool vaanti culture and be happy and not have to worry about capitalism and have sick ass tattoos? lets just kill tony stark and stay there besties

really like how they made the MC's past a mystery? like yeah we have absolutely zero past and backstory as per usual but this time it actually is an integral part of the story that we dont know that we were born in la huerta or basically anything about ourselves truly (even tong stinky didn't so like?). and it was nice to see that being a part of the story rather than just this weird feeling of detachment from the MC

the MC is so stupid and i love him

sean and craig are gay for each other. michelle and quinn are gay for each other. i diagnose everyone with gay

i literally dont have a single theory as to what the hell is going on like not one. and i have gotten almost every clue/idol/file but like i literally have no idea how to tie all of this together. this is such a mess didndkdndkdndidn im kind of excited to see what happens because ES seems to be so popular in the fandom i can only imagine the plot is gonna blow my mind, but im kind of afraid of being disappointed

and thats all ive got so far i think? udndidjd god

[thejeksburyguy]

Warning: discussion of mental health and dark topics

I know I joke about my mental health and sleep deprivation on here. Alot. I reblog a lot of nihilistic humour and put 'lol same' or 'm e' in the tags. But in all honesty, my mental and physical health as of late is... not.. the best...

I haven't slept a full eight hours in weeks. I haven't slept for more than four hours in a few days now, and it just keeps getting worse. Recently I went four days in a row without sleeping at all, and I'm fairly certain I started hallucinating a bit before my body just hit the emergency brakes, and even then I only slept for two hours, maybe three. I might be starting to hallucinate again, actually, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

My depression has made a violent comeback, and my appetite is starting to go as well. If it weren't for someone very close to me (who I'm just going to refer to as Hyde from now on), I probably wouldn't be eating, but he pushes me to take care of myself and won't take 'I'm not hungry' for an answer. I haven't weighed myself (I'm actively avoiding looking or even touching a scale, I do NOT need to trigger my ED into waking up, I have enough on my plate (haha w o o p s) as it is), but I've probably started losing weight again.

Thoughts of self-harm and suicide are returning. It's getting harder everyday to ignore them. I have so much work to do, from school, from my parents, I haven't even had holiday breaks off because one of my teachers keeps assigning work over the holidays. Everyday more work gets added to the pile, and I'm struggling to keep up, but reaching out for help is pointless; half of my teachers treat me like I'm a burden on their life, and the other half I don't want to bother because my own mental illnesses prevent me from seeking help.

It's one of those 'it feels easier to just swim down' situations. I just want to hit the bottom and breathe out and drown. It really doesn't help that my mother completely ignored the doctor's orders and warnings and has not only made me aware of where my pills are, but has given me full access to them and trusts me to take them myself. It's tempting to overdose. It really is. And I'm scared, because I don't know how much longer I can hold out before my brain wins. Hyde helps alot, but he can only do so much.

I guess I'm writing this to clear my mind? Or maybe it's because, if I do go through with it one day, I don't want you all to wonder where I am. I don't intend this as a suicide note, not at all, and for now I'm not giving in, but it's hard. I'm honestly not sure if I'll survive finals week, heh heh. I know I've had public mental breakdowns in the past on here, but I haven't been 100% honest about how bad it is.

I have had 3 suicide attempts, only one of which my parents know about, and even then believe it was just me 'thinking about it'.

I have thoughts of killing myself and self-harming everyday, without fail.

I have high-functioning depression. Most of the people I interact with either have no idea I'm depressed, or don't know just how bad it is.

I have a lot of undiagnosed problems, things I believe are serious and need to be addressed, but as a teenager I can't do that myself.

It's 3:17 am right now. I should really go to sleep. I can't. My body won't let me, and the few times I do I have horrific night terrors. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I know I make alot of connections between myself and TGS Jekyll, but I'm not trying to be memey or clever when I say I am genuinely terrified of being locked up in an insane asylum. My mother has already threatened to send me to one, not because of my mental health, but as a punishment or to 'scare me straight' due to a fight we had. I feel like I can't be honest with any of the adults in my personal life or I'll be strapped in a straitjacket and thrown into a padded cell. I'm probably wrong, but this is genuinely what I think of when I think 'insane asylum':

I know I probably should be in one. I'm a danger to myself, and most likely to others as well. I have a lot of tendencies and urges I suppress (alongside with my queerness; I'm openly queer on here and with friends at school, but most of it is either forced flamboyance or, when around other people, suppressing it and pretending to be cishet), most of which I know for a fact are a one way ticket to the loving embrace of medical torture. But I can't get into detail about it or ask for help or I'll be seen as attention seeking, faking it, or trying to be Edgy.

My therapist is incredibly sweet, but I'm not honest with her. I keep a lot from her. I feel like I'm burdening her, or she'll judge me. She won't, she's made it clear she cares about me, truly, but my brain won't let me progress and get the help I need. This meme I made pretty much sums up my life in one image:

I don't know why I'm even making this post anymore. I feel so manipulative, like I'm begging for pity and attention. I don't want that; I'd almost prefer getting anons telling me to shut up and kill myself, heh heh! At least then I wouldn't feel like I'm emotionally damaging people who care about me.

I sincerely hate myself for making this post now, actually. I want to delete it all, but I've spent so much time on it, it'd be wasted if I didn't post it. I can't afford to waste time, my brain might actually short circuit if it realizes I wasted time I could have been using to work. What is relaxing or free time, heh heh heh.

...I think I'm going to go cry to Hyde now.