#of a scene that wont happen until the very end of the fic

[silverskye13]

Got struck by lightning again help

[buggachat]

To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao

and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?

I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED

and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?

And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.

Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all

anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?

like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it

Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)

Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.

But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this

Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.

And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).

Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.

Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.

The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.

The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.

But.........

I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.

In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.

And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.

What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.

Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.

As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.

And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.

Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.

And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....

..... it's Marinette's lie.

............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.

I'm

!!?!?!?!

This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.

Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.

THAT'S. WILD!!!

also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.

And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.

And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.

I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.

I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.

But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.

In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.

And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)

But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

[shreddeddescent]

Oh don't apologize about writing this, we are literally reading it too! I find the story interesting and like, yeah it is fucked up, but I'm having fun reading it too 💪💪💪

Also, how does Mikey feel about all this? I was thinking about that because he likes to deny the has 'adult problems' like you said, so I am really wondering about how he's dealing with all that is happening

🌠👾

ughhhh god...... the mikey can of worms about this specifically is exactly what that was about and whats been really tough to talk about. like this specific scene was what i had to get up and walk away from cuz it was painful.

he's not okay. he also doesnt care about it, cuz hes like... ugh you know what. i think i should actually just share this whole thing i wrote about it. this one is rough. nothing graphic, but if you wanna see how fucking not okay this kid is despite how much he's pretending he can be? yeah. hes gonna talk about his bullshit for the first time ever, and something bad had happened to mikey before. and he doesnt even know what.

which is like where i think the whole climax of this arch is going in my head. i havent written it all out yet. im being tugged along on a journey, yknow.

warnings for csa and incest and like. very poor coping mechanisms. all of it this one hurt me personally the most in the end.

theres some implications of things going on in the background, cuz at this exact moment none of the characters have been coping well hence the fucking.... need for these adults. raph needed to be alone to spiral about the 3 kids by himself, leo needed to be put to bed (by mikey) cuz he got way too high after realizing how much he'd been personally juggling everybody else, and donnie wont mind his buisness about anything, mikey had a go at him about it which resulted in him trying to help mikey with his current 'im having traumatic sex dreams' problem. but donnie is the same age and wasnt gonna be able to help much.

if any of it sounds confusing im sorry. id try and do a whole. fic thing about it but i really dont know if i can. whats important here is the mikey part. cuz this is where it all came to a head.

also mentions of lita, whos raph's little alter. the one that was only ever around for shredder. until recently

--

Mikey was glad that Donnie seemed better when he left the bathroom. He seemed to have been spiralling about whatever was going on between Leo and Raph.

He was pretty sure the idea of sex repulsed his twin, despite his attempts to explain it to him. He was a good brother. But it really wasn’t worth worrying about if Raph and Leo needed to be away from each other. It was weird he cared.

Donnie cared about too many fucking things.

Mikey had spent an extra long time in the bathroom, thinking over if he felt any attraction like Donnie said. He’d thought about exploring his body, but the idea reminded him of Raph. He really didn’t want it to but it did. The first time he’d seen his own penis was when it was forced into his sleeping brother.

His brother who felt like his mom.

It fucking broke something inside of him. He was trying like hell to be the baby Raph needed, to be okay for him, so he wouldn’t make Raph worse. But in the back of his mind he did know he wasn’t okay. And maybe he was just age regressing to cope. Maybe he was only getting angry at everyone cuz he couldn’t help the age regressing.

It was easy to feel like a baby when you were so malnourished as a child that you looked way younger than you should. Father had seen to that. He didn’t take care of him and then blamed Raph for his condition. And maybe he just didn’t want Raph to feel bad about it anymore.

And he had recently remembered.. something. Childhood Raph who wasn’t Raph. Raph leaving crying, coming back Lita and not crying. And… Lita apologizing for something.

The rest was a mystery. A mystery he’d thought he might be able to uncover in therapy with Big Mama, but now?! Now there was this whole… situation!

So he was just sitting with Donnie quietly, watching dumb shit on YouTube. Ignoring his feelings.

They’d seen Leo very not so subtly leave his room. He still stunk. He walked funny and airheaded, but as long as he wasn’t gonna bother Raph, who cared where he went.

…Mikey cared a little. And he was the only one who saw how much weed he’d smoked.

So after about 5 minutes he sighed and felt the need to get up and see if he could find him.

He went out in his red hoodie and some fresh sweatpants, it was night time and maybe he went outside.

He wandered the hall and felt that vertigo feeling again. He hated it, he didn't feel present. Made him think of the drugs from the cages. The drugs he’d been extra pumped full of for being good at fighting them off. That made it worse.

He rested against the wall for a moment and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, little man.”

He blinked and looked up. It wasn’t Leo.

Jennika was there, in a loose white shirt and cargo pants. She got down into a squat in front of him and smiled.

“Are you okay?”

He felt like maybe he was standing on a fault line.

“Sorry… I’m kinda queasy…” he mumbled.

She eyed the place he was standing and gently gripped his shoulders, tugging him about 3 feet to the left.

The feeling faded and he sighed out in relief.

“Better?”

“Yeah..” he took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling at her. “You’re…. I know who you are now.”

She stood at her full height and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Yeah… sorry I was uh… lying before. I guess I wasn’t really lying? But you know.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. You seemed kinda.. not okay?”

Mikey laughed and shook his head. “Nah! I’m good! I’m fine, I’m just looking for Leo, he’s the one who’s not good.”

“Leo’s alright. I saw him earlier. Kirby’s kinda.. talking him down from his high I think.”

“Oh! Wow! Kirby’s talking to Leo?” He smiled up at her, that was exciting. He knew Leo seemed upset about being ignored by his…. Son. “That’s good. I think that’s good for him.”

She nodded and held out her hand. “Do you wanna walk somewhere? These walls are so… migraine city.”

Mikey looked up at her curiously and beamed. “Sure!” He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She squeezed back and they walked to the elevator together. He noticed when she was inside there were more buttons and she pushed one.

She seemed a little shy so he tugged on her arm. She looked down at him curiously.

“Can I call you Jenny? Or is Jennika better?”

“You can call me whatever you want, I don’t mind.”

“Raph said you're trans like him. So that means you probably chose your own name, right? I mean... he didn’t. Cuz he’s.. his situation’s weird, but am I right?”

She blinked and smiled softly.

“Yeah.. I did. Is it… a cool name?”

“Yeah! So if you chose it that makes it extra important, so I wanna make sure I say it how you want it said. Jen-nick-kah. I like it!”

She took in an audibly shaky breath and looked back at the buttons.

“Th…thanks Mikey…”

He squeezed her hand.

“I uh… I don’t think you’re looking at me for like… ugh.. dad approval. But like, you seem cool.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not, but thanks. I feel a little.. weird to be honest. But I hope we can clear the air?”

He smiled up at her genuinely and nodded. “I’d like that.”

The elevator doors opened into a lobby Mikey hadn’t seen before. They’d been portaled from the city straight into Big Mama’s office. This was an actual entrance.

And… it was a button they got blocked from pressing? He’d need to think about that later.

Jennika walked with him out of the building and Mikey came into contact with a whole other world. They were in a courtyard of sorts, a city street across from them. The sky was pitch black, because it wasn’t a sky, it was high dark cave walls that stretched beyond what he could see. There were floating crystals for street lamps lighting the streets.

The streets were full of yokai, going about their days. Shopping at storefronts of magic and mundane. It seemed busy. It seemed normal.

He stopped in his tracks and Jennika turned to look at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“W-where…” He kept staring over at the street. There were weird chariots for cars, and creatures flying above his head.

This wasn’t New York City. 

She seemed to realize what was wrong and her eyes widened. “Oh! You’ve.. never been to the Hidden City. Oh shit. This was stupid Kirby’s gonna kill me.”

Mikey stumbled back into a fountain in the courtyard and sat on it. He looked behind him and he could see the exterior of the hotel for the first time.

A skyscraper that existed underground, he couldn’t even see the top because of how dark it was up there.

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“Mikey are you okay?!” She sat down beside him and put her hand on his shell.

“I… yeah.. it’s just a lot…” he didn’t open his eyes but he did lean into her. “I don’t get out much, I guess. I’d be more excited if it hadn’t been… a day.”

He might have been letting his very well crafted facade slip.

She rubbed his shell. “I just thought we could go get some ice cream and talk it out. I thought maybe the hotel was a dumb place to talk, but maybe that’s my bad… I didn’t think about how weird this would be, I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. She looked anxious and guilty.

So he thought about what she’d just asked and blinked up at her.

“Hidden city has ice cream? Like somewhere I could try every flavour? Cuz we fit in down here?!” He asked excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she beamed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what I was tryina do!”

He jumped up and tugged her arm.

“Show me! Show me show me!”

She grinned and stood up, jogging with him down the street.

He was laughing as they ran goofily down the street. People were staring but not because they were freaks, just cuz they were having fun.

They found a storefront for ice cream and there was a many armed person at the till. Jennika boldly asked for two samples of every flavour and it earned a very annoyed look from the clerk. She slid some kind of hidden city money over with an apologetic smile to make it worth their time which cheered them up.

There was some weird flavours in there he’d never heard of. Some sounded like fruits that didn’t exist, others were weirdly goopy or fleshy in nature. One even made them breathe fire, it was fun. They had a laugh.

By the time they’d tried everything Mikey was given some kind of mix of 5 flavours in a bowl with a spoon, and Jennika got the same.

So they walked down the street eating ice cream together. Like they were normal people having a normal outing.

It was so weird how normal it felt.

She showed him a park to walk through, the trees and plants were purple instead of green which was cool.

They sat down at a bench facing a glowing green lake to sit and eat. It was peaceful. He liked it.

“So how are you?” She finally asked, scooping ice cream in her mouth.

“Kinda confused. You’re really nice and cool, but like… you’re.. you know. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel… like, I feel kinda silly? But also.. feel kinda bad?” He was squishing the ice cream together, mixing the colours absentmindedly in the bowl.

She hummed and swallowed back her current bite, placing the bowl down beside her. “I can tell you how I see it. Which is that you’re like.. a brother. Like I know where I come from, but you’re just a kid, and you’re a kid on your own and that makes me sad, and I feel like I’m standing right here in front of you with like.. I dunno, open ears. No that’s not the phrase..” she tapped her chin as she tried to think.

Mikey looked up at her curiously. “Open arms?”

She snapped her fingers and grinned down at him. “Yeah! Open arms. I know it’s weird. I'm not trying to make you feel weird, I just wanna listen if you need someone.”

He looked down at his bowl and took a small bite. He wasn’t sure how well some of this went together but he liked it all the same. A big fucked up hodgepodge of deliciousness.

“I… don’t want you to feel weird. Maybe I’m hoping we’re just gonna be a big family with ease and nobodies gonna have any problems anymore and I can just be normal and not worry anymore.”

She smiled sadly and bumped his arm with hers.

“I’d like to be a family like that, but I think it won’t be so easy. And that’s okay. I wanna put work in, we all do. I think it’s worth a try, and I’m kinda old enough that I can handle whatever you wanna throw at me.”

He glared at the lake with a tired look in his eye. “Just cuz you’re old doesn’t make you able to handle stuff. Old people never handle stuff good as far as I’ve seen. I guess that’s not fair… I just think I’ve seen my brothers get hurt over and over cuz people don’t care how they come off to us. Cuz Shredder treated us like animals, and Splinter…” he sighed. That was a whole can of worms. “She’s old, and yet she felt more emotionally stupid than everybody else. Than her own kids.”

He blinked and realized he’d been talking a bunch and looked up at her. She was just watching him with a sad look.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Thanks for the ice cream, it's good!” He put his happy voice back on and shoved more in his mouth. He thought about how much he could fit at once before swallowing so he took bigger bites. 

“I’m… sorry your mom wasn’t good to you. I’m extra sorry your dad was…” she sighed. “I guess adults really let you down a lot. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and swallowed back his huge mouthful of ice cream. And then he felt the brain freeze and cupped his head. “Auuuugh there it is! Brain freeze!”

She hummed a laugh and rubbed his shell. “You’re trying to avoid talking. You wanna seem like a happy normal kid don’t you? You’re putting on an act.”

That hurt more than the brain freeze.

He groaned and kept holding his head as it passed, she was holding him to distract from the hurt in his brain.

“How do you know I’m acting! Maybe I’m just immature!”

“Maybe. But maybe you know you’re hurting and you don’t wanna make it my problem for some reason.”

He furrowed his brow and looked away.

“Is it cuz you think I’m like your kid? Cuz really… I really don’t see me like that Mikey…”

“No, it’s not that..” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was. He’d been able to talk to Donnie, he’d wanted to talk to Leo. But Jennika was actually asking him how he felt and he could only sit there thinking of ways to seem like he was a baby again. Ways to try and seem normal, like a good kid brother who makes her want to take care of him normally, so he wouldn’t scare her off, or traumatize her!

Oh…

“It’s cuz you make me think of Raph…”

She took a deep breath and nodded knowingly, sighing.

“You don’t talk to him about how you feel. You just go baby made. So you wanna do that with me too.”

“I’m sorry… I’ve got issues. People think I don’t but…” he sighed. “I don’t know..”

She patted his back. “I'm not Raph. I’m not your mom. I’m your cooool big sister! And I know you’ve got issues, I’m open, I’m here. Hit me.”

He looked up at her nervously.

“I…” he looked around. It was really empty here. He decided to lay his head in her lap. “Is this okay..?”

He felt her hand gently stroke his head. “Yeah, that’s okay..”

He took a few deep breaths. “I keep thinking about the cages… about.. what happened. I’m really embarrassed about it, and ashamed of myself… it’s stupid cuz I know it’s not my fault, but the.. specifics of what hurt me was all related to this..” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Weird relationship I have with him, where I try to let him be my mom cuz I never had one. And maybe it’s cuz he’s female and I imprinted on him as a baby, or maybe it’s just cuz I was so small and he was so worried about me.. but the… the mixing of these two things in my head, the 'mama Raph' and the fact I….” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he sobbed audibly. It was getting uncontrollable.

She just rubbed his head. He heard her sniff but didn’t look up. He just let her pet him and tried to collect himself.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t… know what to do, I know you’re not… but I’d never even seen my body before my dad made me use it against my will, a-and so I’m just.. b-back to baby mode, h-hoping I never grow up and have to think about it again…”

“God… Mikey I’m fucking sorry, that sounds like so much…” she was probably crying but kept petting him. He wasn’t sure how to respond now. “I… I think it sounds like you know you shouldn’t do that. That you’re like… pushing stuff down to make yourself seem okay. I think maybe you wanna be worried about normally just so you feel normal, maybe that’s why you’re acting like that…” he chanced a look up at her. She might have looked like him, but the way she was crying over him made her look like Raph. So he was crying in her lap quietly.

He looked away and clutched the fabric of her pants. “I’m.. not trying to act out… I just really don’t want these grown up problems, I-I wanna worry about stupid stuff, n-not wake up with my thing out cuz I h-had a nightmare…”

She took a deep shaky breath and blew it out slowly. “We don’t get to choose to not grow up. I know why you want to? But look at me. If I could have stayed a kid forever I probably would have. I hated puberty. Being a grown up sucks. But you can’t stop it. And you’ve gotten forced into the worst thing, but it doesn’t make you grown up, it just.. means you have to deal with something complicated. I... think ignoring that kinda problem won’t make it go away, and if you need to talk to someone about.. all that gross complicated stuff you’re scared of, I’m here. I’ve had lots of weird feelings over the years, going from like.. weapon to person, boy to girl.. you can tell me more if you want. Maybe I’ll get it.”

Mikey sat up and wiped his eyes. “I.. I haven’t even been asking about you, I’m so sorry Jennika…”

She smiled sadly and draped her arm over his shoulder, pulling him close and giving him a gentle shake. “No, it’s fine! You’re having a bad day. I wanna help with that, don’t worry about me at all.”

He looked up at her sadly, pressing his head against her chest.

“I-it’s weird.. if I’m not your dad, that probably means Raph’s not your mom right..?”

She sighed and looked at the lake. “No… he’s not. It’s kinda complicated, cuz there’s a piece of my heart that still.. I dunno, craves a mom? So that’s why I was so weird when he called me beautiful… but he’s not, he’s my brother just like you are.”

He looked over at the lake. “Is it weird that I think of him as my mom..?”

“No… Not at all, I get it. He’s been your caretaker, and he likes doing that.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Then.. you get why its… fucking with my head that I’ll dream about the cage, and wake up like that.. why I feel sick to my stomach about it…”

“God, yeah I get that… I would be scared.”

“And I can’t cry to him about it, cuz it’s about him…”

She nodded slowly. “And that would make it worse.. yeah. I’m sorry Mikey…” she rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.. so this will be weird no matter what, but like.. you had the bird and bees talk? And any other talks about your body and stuff..?”

He looked up at her and shrugged sadly. “How much talk needed? We already made you.. think I get where babies come from…”

She looked down at him sadly and then gently rubbed his head. “Oh.. buddy that doesn’t mean you know everything. Did Splinter never…?”

He looked away. “Maybe she tried. Maybe I ran away. I don’t know, I don’t remember…”

She nodded and kept rubbing his head. “Okay. Let’s jump past babies and stuff. I think what you’re describing is like a sex dream, and it’s one you’re having cuz you got forced into it. A trauma dream, making you relive the only time you’ve ever felt arousal. You can’t control it, it's not your fault, it’s a natural response. It doesn’t mean you actually feel aroused by Raph, that you actually want him like that. It’s… ugh I’m sorry. Consent is a better place to maybe start this. Consent and body autonomy and finding a partner you trust…?” She shifted a little.

He looked up. She seemed a little frustrated that she couldn’t find the words.

He sighed and idly squeezed her knee. “I know what you’re trying to say. That I was raped. That I raped Raph but I didn’t, that he raped me but he didnt… dad raped us. Used us to rape each other. I… I know that.”

She looked down at him sadly, clearly sad about how much he was using the word. But he should be allowed to say it over and over again!

“Yeah…”

“I’m too young for sex. I don’t want a sex partner or whatever. I don’t want to have to worry about that, but I’m scared that I’m…” he keeled over and started crying out of nowhere. “I-I think maybe when I was little dad raped me too..? W-when Lita.. I-I can’t remember it… sh-she said I saw something I w-wasn’t supposed to… sh-she seemed so fucking sorry… a-and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for a week… a-and nobody cares!”

Jennika gently shook him and she was crying too. “I care! Fuck Mikey I care so much, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“E-everyone’s been tiptoeing around it! L-like around Raph! A-and maybe I wanted to go to therapy and talk about it! T-talk to Lita! Get more information! B-but there was the… th-the YOU situation! A-and he was traumatized enough! A-and now Big Mama is evil and I-I can’t!”

She took a deep shaky break and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in her lap for a hug. He let her as he sobbed against her chest. “We don’t need her to do that. We can figure it out without her, we can find ways of dealing with it. God Mikey you’ve been so fucking… I’m sorry. Everything is so fucked up but I fucking promise you that’s my priority okay? We’re gonna help you with that.”

Mikey was clinging to her shirt and sobbing into it. He nodded miserably as he cried. “I-I’m sorry.. I-I keep forgetting t-to bring it up c-cuz I only I-learned about it when y-you were b-born! B-but that was like a week ago! A-and that’s its whole own thing! A-and I’m too fucked up t-to think about it!”

She held him tight and pressed her head against his.

“Fuck… you’ve been keeping so much in there…” She pulled back to cup his cheeks in her hands and smile determined at him, tears still freely falling down her face. He sniffled and shook as he looked back at her. “You don’t need to worry about any of this other stuff. No villains no brothers no fucking weird turtles coming back from the future. Your priority is Mikey. And so’s mine. We’re gonna figure it out. You and me. We’re gonna talk it out one step at a time together. Anything you fucking need I’m here, okay?”

He put his hands on hers, he was struggling to breathe through the crying. This wasn’t his usual crying, he felt fucking broken. His whole body hurt from how hard he was crying.

And it felt good. To fucking scream and yell and cry about how miserable he REALLY was, and to feel seen for it. To feel cared for about it.

So he shakily nodded and kept crying in her face.

She held him again. This wasn’t like how Raph would make him feel at all, this wasn’t a mom thing. This wasn’t a ‘push my feelings down and pretend you’re normal’ upset thing. This was just a sibling really fucking seeing him and letting him be as big of a wreck as he needed. Someone he wasn’t scared of making the problems worse of.

Maybe she was exactly what he needed right now.

[rigginsstreet]

What do you think about a deaf billy AU?

where Neil moved his family to the middle of nowhere Indiana because he knows 80s bumfuck nowhere doesn’t have a lot of support for disabled ppl and hates his son (as we all know)

At first billy tries to hide it, he had gotten used to learning how to read lips and make inferences on what people were saying, if he happened to miss something? He’d just brush it off, saying he wasn’t paying attention.

Billy might have a slight deaf voice, Neil probably came along with his “no son of mine” spiel so Billy had to learn how to speak as Neil thought was “normal”.

Steve begins to notice something different about Billy; slowed reaction time, really focusing on people’s faces, etc, and brings it up to Joyce.

Joyce, concerned, waits until the next time Billy is in her store to ask if everything is okay. Billy panics, he thought he was doing perfect, if he doesn’t his dads gonna kill him, so he very quickly excuses himself out of the store.

Maybe some further concerned Steve and Joyce? Teaming up to help out Billy? 🥹

i am into all of this. i wanna say way back in the early days of the fandom there was a deaf!billy fic i read.... or it was steve. or it was neither of them and im thinking of another fandom entirely lmfao anyway!

this would put their little staredown at tinas in a whole new context...honestly it puts a lot of billy scenes in new context that boy loves to look and watch and observe.

i would also like to bring in cali bros argilly and say that argyle and billy learned to sign together back home bc neil surely wasnt going to put billy in classes and surely not learn himself, maybe billy had teachers at school who helped? but argyle wanted to learn too since they were besties and he was really the only person billy could talk to after that. so when the hargroves move to indiana billys on his own again and since he doesnt want to out himself as being deaf and ask if anyone knows how to sign, he just pretends to be aloof and like he doesnt give a shit about what anyone says to him (which isnt like... untrue lol)

if he and max still have a bad relationship in this au maybe she hasnt bothered to learn how to sign either cuz like... why is she gonna need it to talk to billy? they dont talk period

steve calling billys name when hes not looking trying to get his attention and it never working so a lightbulb goes off in his head and he starts writing notes to see if that works and sure enough...

joyce picking up books from the library and learning very basic signs for the next time billy comes into the store. she's just trying to be polite but it still makes billy panicky that someone knows. ooooh if neil and billy come into the store one day and she overhears neil giving billy shit about not listening to him and how he needs to get his shit together etc etc and she immediately decides this man needs to be put down like she is not having it but she also knows theres not a whole lot she can do right now besides make her presence known and get him to back down.

steve helping billy out in the classes they share together and even in the classes they dont he finds a way to get notes from other people without letting them know its for billy, and billys constantly wondering how steve keeps pulling this off but steve wont reveal his secrets. them developing this silent language on the basketball court that makes them unbeatable... many thoughts many thoughts

idk how joyce and steve end up joining forces in all of this but i know they do!

[no-shxme]

since ive had people asking about it, here's

an overview of my writing process:

its very long (but split into 4 sections) so i will be posting it below the read-more. i fr threw up all over the post and it covers my writing process specifically. because i write unreliable narration >> canonic characters, etc this will prolly not be as useful for like, idk, crack fic writers or whatever else. basically this is what works for me. it might not work for you, but feel free to peruse, im sure no 2 writer's processes are exactly the same. (AND THATS COOL)

Step 1: The Idea & Start

usually my fic starts with a single scene/mood/line, and the whole fic is started around that. (for ex: my fic Teeth started bc of 1 set of lines that we haven't even gotten to yet. [sob]) this also helps me be more motivated, as i become pretty desperate to get that scene/mood/etc written. (as i write i often find new goalposts to write to, which helps keep me motivated, yeah)

occasionally i will write out an initial drabble (like 1 or 2 paragraphs) set in the story idea i have, just to see if i like whatever's going on before i commit.

before i start i decide my setting or at least whatever parts of the setting are relevant. (i wont go into it here bc that's not exactly process.) then i'm game to start.

i've heard a lot of writers struggle with starting a fic and ending it. starting a fic isn't usually a problem for me but if i don't like how the beginning is looking it's usually because i've started it too far away from relevant plot. i don't want to write too much beginning set up, so my solution is always to delete what i have and restart the scene closer to when something happens.

(for ex: when writing everything that went wrong over the summer, the story started earlier and was going to have kayn discover rhaast at the end of the first chapter. but halfway through i decided it was bad. i didnt want to reveal too much and it was kinda boring, became a slog of wordlbuilding. i hated it so i deleted it and instead we meet rhaast in literally the second paragraph.)

imo if you are having trouble with starting stories, literally just throw yourself into the action, its the best way to jog a stuck start. move up the timeline, make things move faster. ask yourself if you really need all the space before the action happens. this method also be used on other scenes, not just beginnings.

it's generally a good idea to figure out what the minimum amount of time you need to complete your story. (this plot that takes place over three weeks, can it be done in three days instead?) but i dont always do that for fanfiction, more my personal writing. fanfiction can be loose and slimy, thats okay. i'm not gonna stress myself over it like i do with my book lol. for me fanfiction is like a vacation. since the characters are already established i can be free to experiment stylistically and try new things.

Step 2: The Writing (The Slog)

(The longest section of this post)

I actually have SO many notes for my writing process so this will be all over the place.

Whenever I write ANYTHING my goals are the following:

keep things concise, without crazy exposition or information overloads.

to me writing is kinda like a puzzle, or a combination lock. i have a line or thought and i just continuously swap words around in my head or on a doc until something clicks. my goal is not just something that fits, it's something that fits BEST. (i am not always successful at this.) so yeah sometimes a line sounds good, but how do i make it sound BETTER. i am always thinking about lines. all the time. i am always turning a scene in my head trying to find the best angle. im literally doing it right now.

this is a stylistic choice that might not apply to everyone, but i love writing unreliable narrators and therefore always write them. in fanfiction i like trying to keep the characters close to their canon personalities, so a lot of the following advice is through that lens.

WHEN IT COMES TO PLOT:

by the time i write my first scene i usually have an idea of the ending. i'm not too terribly focused on it but i definitely prefer to know it. its just something i have to reach eventually. usually little plot ideas will start sprouting up like checkpoints between the start and the end, and then it's just the matter of figuring out how to bridge the gaps between them. one of my favorite tricks i like to use for longer or difficult plots is work backwards. (i call it Keyframing)

(for ex: let's say i'm writing a story about a knight who marries a dragon, but i can't figure out how the hell that's gonna happen. an easy way to come up with ideas is think: what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start goal (there's a knight) and the ending (married to a dragon)? it could be something simple. the knight has to get to the dragon's lair before he can get married. okay, great, there's another plot checkpoint. now what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start and getting to the lair? and also what's 1 thing that has to happen between getting to the lair and getting married?

as you keep adding 1 thing to the plot between points, it basically writes itself, or gives you a very good list of things that HAVE to happen in order to progress the story. then you can add embellishments and tweak it, but its a good method i use for avoiding over-complicated plot. periodically i also ask myself: can this be simplified further?

in cases where i don't have an ending in mind (about 35% of the time) i let my characters drive the plot. this is very easy because i write unreliable, character focused narration. all i think is: ok what're they gonna do. how would they do xyz. hows this affect them. i'll also think about my end goal for the character as it slowly develops and ask myself if it's realistic for them. i don't write crack so if it's something a character won't do then i just won't write it. i'll figure out some other goal or method to achieve the same effect, even if the scrapped idea is cute. :C the end result is usually a more convincing character. (once again this is literally just how i write ff. you DONT have to write like this) in many cases the goal is fine but the method isn't, so i have to rethink how the character realistically reaches that goal. (this was very much the case in my fic, One Promise)

WHEN IT COMES TO WRITER'S BLOCK:

here's my methods for getting over writer's block in no particular order:

taking a break. (or a nap)

reading poetry (this helps bc i try to write poetic) or just read, if im in a pickle.

changing location. (if you write on your phone/laptop. just go somewhere else)

delete the scene and restart from a diff angle. (not advised tbh. i dont think this is a good method, even if it works for me. im only listing it bc its something i do.)

to a lesser degree: changing the font, listening to music i would never listen to normally. or not listening to music at all.

walking around in circles talking to myself about whatever line im chewing on. :/

Okay now im just gonna list a mixed bag of shit that pertains to my literal writing process:

i use google docs because i like to write on my phone and my tablet. i will write in bed before sleeping or in the car. ill write wherever. occasionally i will also use scrivener on my pc for writing assistance. or ms paint. (dont make me go into it)

i almost always try to write what the CHARACTER sees or experiences, versus what a narrator would see. (for example, in my fic Teeth, sett's ears are mentioned a lot. it's because talon keeps noticing them.) this is super important in my writing as it also serves meaning and makes things more concise. oh a character is an artist? so they might notice the technique in a painting. versus the same painting viewed by a carpenter, who might focus more on describing the picture frame. i have specific thoughts on (confident) character voice/unreliable narration, but this post is long lol. if anyone wants to hear it lemme know.

for the most part i only try to describe what's necessary. im not trying to introduce too many characters BY NAME or too many places or too much detailed description-dumping, unless im trying to hide something. ESPECIALLY IN FAN FICTION. one thing i keep in mind is that the reader will fill in the gap. like i could write 'a kitchen with green walls and one window' and boom you already have an idea of what the kitchen could look like. i could write a character using a stove and different readers might imagine that stove in two different places, as pertaining to their imaginary kitchen. that's fine. as long as the location of the stove is unimportant then i dont need to describe it. basically if it's not Vital to my vision then i often don't bother writing it. (this also allows me to push themes and sneak things, but this post is too long)

often while i write im thinking ahead, so ill start noting future lines/plot ideas to use at the bottom of the document so i dont forget them. if it's a long fic my lines-to-be-used will be like, pages long lol.

JUST WRITE. I JUST WRITE. sometimes its slop, that okay. i try to write every single day.

whenever i return to a wip i reread it to get in the Groove.

as i write i sometimes make comments (in google docs) on some words that i know are placeholders. like i'll write a sentence and think: i need to change that word, but im too in the flow to do that now, so i just make a quick note so i dont miss it when editing. i have shorthand for it too, like for example, WC stands for 'word choice' and REP stands for 'too much repetition.' sometimes im lazy and dont do this ._.

speaking of repetition, one of my lil tricks is to start a list of repetitive words as i write. i will often throw in the names of characters, and some common pitfall words for me (words that i have a tendency to use too often). this is helpful for....

Step 3: The Editing

okay first i take a break. the length often depends on how long the fic is. if its a shortie then i just play a game or 2 of league or smth. i must banish the story from my brain.

when i come back i give it a read over and edit whatever issues i see, reword, blah blah. i also use Ctrl + F with my list of repetitive words! this way i can clearly see problem areas where i've used the same word too close together. i will also Ctrl + F grammar missteps, namely double spaces, double periods, and double commas.

for word choice ideas i use wordhippo :3c sometimes i recognize that a line needs to cook so ill come back to it.

i also do character checks where needed. (Would they REALLY do that?) at this point i can identify a problem area pretty easily so i dont do it that much anymore.

then as my final editing step i read the whole thing aloud. this step is so important that i never skip it, even on long ass docs. reading it aloud to myself is vital. when i read it aloud i can actually test the dialogue and see cadence issues and random mistakes that i never catch anywhere else. for longer stories this is done chapter by chapter as finished, which is,,, thank god lol.

if im unsure about a story then i'll let it ferment for a while (days, weeks) before i come back and edit, just to make sure im not crazy or smth.

Step 4: The Posting

i post in ao3's rich text format, so it keeps some of the formatting. then i hit PREVIEW and then i hit EDIT again. bc ao3 is finicky about italics and will add weird ugly spaces bc of that. so to get rid of them i use my CTRL + F method again to check for space + periods (literally a space then a period), space + commas, double spaces (again), etc. i also center those *** things that people use as scene breaks bc they're never centered. takes like 5 minutes.

then i post and try not to feel immediately awful lol.

anyway that's my writing process. this ended up super fucking long holy shit. sorry i like, rambled and blabbed. i try to be thorough. there's a lot more that i can talk about not pertaining to the process itself but like, yeahhhh. thanks if you read all this, hopefully its not terribly boring.

[gasmeros]

Regarding the ask game what’s the S1 solstice to boat au about???

hi foamyyyy! i talked about it a bit in this post

it's basically a winter solstice au where. it's like. im ficjign struggling how do i explain this quickly. fucjing. fuck it, my snippet is half the fic notes, i dont have much of any proper writing to share for this one anyway

content warnings include mindless rambling, zhao, and threats of violence/execution

s1 winter solstice episode au, very much adjacent to that tumblr post (linked) about zuko getting locked up with sokka and katara and them figuring out about Zuko's fucked up family life.

similar but we bypass the actual verbal conversation by having zhao do taunting stuff cuz he be like that. he says stuff like episode 3 about ozai not wanting zuko back, about him failing his 2ish year long search, about how when they drag him back home, there might even be a public execution for his crimes, wouldn't that be nice? nothing but the best for the prince. and maybe zhao will even get to watch. ("he wouldn't." "can you really be certain, my prince? after what he did to your face? and just for mouthing off, too. how would he punish a real crime?")

then zuko showing how desperate he is to not get dragged back to the fire nation by doing some fucked up dangerus type of fighting back. like, wiggling, screaming, biting, full on child in a grocery store who has learned how to glue themselves to the floor type of reaction to being arrested, except this child has fire and no limits. good chance for that idea where zuko superheats a metal gag and bites through it, burning himself in the process. would be neat to have zuko spit a shard of almost molten metal at zhao cuz fuck him. maybe keep the whole scene chained to the pillar instead in some other room like these fics usually go?

so water siblings realize that something is most definitely Up based on zhao's words and Zuko's reactions, and when roku starts to tear the temple apart, they hit a wall where they realize that zuko's been trapped by the lava flow like them, and while they have appa to hop onto, he doesn't have an escape. so cue these kids being Kind and promptly yanking him along cuz the alternative is zuko burning alive

so we get Bison Time, wherein zuko's still not a fan of anything that's happening, but compared to how he was acting with zhao, he's downright pleasant. which is not to say that he's actually pleasant, he is very much being an angry brat who's like one second away from trying to fight them while still on the bison. the siblings have a lot of questions, because what zhao said about banishment and two years searching and public executions was fucking wack and they need to know why he said that, why zuko fought so hard that he thought burning his mouth as bad as he did was an acceptable trade off. they know why, but they need to hear it.

zuko does not let them hear it. he yells and doesn't answer any questions and demands they put him down or else. bits about the mouth burns obviously bothering him, just cuz im me and im predictable

they end up going to drop him off at his ship cuz his crew wont attack without a command, and zuko's not so dumb to make them attack the bison he's on. they end up making him swear to not do anything until after they fly away

potential bit where they fly over to Zuko's ship, still in fire nation waters, and find its got a zhao shadow. so zuko, while not at all wanting to actually say it out loud, does not want to go back to his ship until the shadow leaves or they're out of fire nation waters, cuz he will absolutely be arrested. cue more gaang being concerned about the arresting thing, and zuko basically pulling his own teeth to ask if he can wait on the bison until it's safe.

Eventually theyre able to land on zuko's ship without risk of zuko being arrested. zuko keeps his word and doesn't let anyone attack until after they leave, and THEN. aang is a smartass and takes advantage of that by just. not flying away :) so zuko can't do anything, cuz then he'd break his word!! that's pretty fuckin dishonorable!! zuko would like to murder aang.

(really aang needs a moment to talk with the siblings because if what he gleaned from the conversation is true, he can't in good conscience just leave zuko to his fool's errand for an abusive father. they need more information, and they have to do something, cuz this is not ok. the siblings agree, though with much more caution because that's been forced into them by growing up in a war)

cue s1 gaang and zuko tea party

and so the whole fuckin fic takes place on zuko's ship cuz aang is be a pedantic little snot and zuko's autism sense of honor wont let him break a promise

i have maybe 300 words of actual writing for this, and im not sure how i feel about those words. this is like one of the first fics i tried to write for atla, which, like most of my atla fics, has dug itself a very comfy hole to sleep in. i'd love to get anywhere with it, if only i had the motivation

[browniesarethebest]

hi umm I really love you're reverse robin fic! please, if you don't mind could you do one where steph either just has a breakdown where she's alone and damian walks in or the thing with black-mask happens (i'm not sure if it happens in your timeline but it happened AGAIN or something? just no kidnapping steph to africa) and damian kinda just being mother-hen because STEPH WONT LIE DOWN? basically just damian being soft/protective big brother to steph, cause your writing makes me want to squeal☺️

Aw thank you, guys! I'm just gonna combine these both since they're so similar if you don't mind.

As the second oldest, Stephanie often felt like she was still fighting to prove herself. The feeling had decreased some over the years as she settled more into the family and gained younger siblings, but it still flared up. Tim liked to bitch about the turbulent start to his and Damian's relationship, but he never seemed to stop and consider her start with the Bats.

Damian definitely didn't like her at first. Back then, it had just been him and Bruce, so when she started crashing their crime scenes and fights with villains, he was pretty pissed off about it. He was always calling her insulting names and actively trying to intimidate her away from the duo, but it never worked. She was used to men trying to intimidate her, and Damian could never discourage her from doing what she thought was right. Her only saving grace at the time, which Steph wouldn't realize until Tim joined up, was that she wasn't living at the Manor—not at first at least.

No, she wouldn't move in until after Cluemaster killed her mother.

By that time, Damian had calmed down some after the whole Joker Junior fiasco. Her mother's death probably had something to do with his more accepting attitude towards her as well. She was just thankful he stopped calling her a harlot and didn't look at her with pity.

It very quickly dawned on Stephanie after she moved in that she was the first female presence in the Manor in a long time.

Sure, Selina came by sometimes and maybe Leslie too when someone needed some serious stitching up. Kate and Diana occasionally stopped by too, but Steph was the only one actually living in the Manor. There were definitely some conversations had that Steph did not want to repeat.

Damian was obviously not the friendly type. He cared, Stephanie eventually figured out. It just took a long time for someone to gain his trust, and even then he still had a weird way of showing he cared. Bruce and Alfred could be pretty closed off too. And so, she ended up taking on a caring role for Tim. She could be there for him in ways that Damian, Bruce, and Alfred just couldn't. She did the same for each child that Bruce eventually took in as well. Damian had opened up a bit more by the time Dick showed up, but it was still up to Stephanie to be the older sibling with open arms.

Stephanie loved all of her siblings so much, but sometimes, it got to be too much. She could only handle so many problems at once, and it wasn't like she had someone in the same role for her. Every time she seriously thought about going to Bruce or Damian with a problem, those old feelings of inferiority would rear their ugly head. She would bottle up all her feelings about every worry and every mistake until she could beat them out of her system. It was like killing two birds with one stone—she could simultaneously improve her fighting skills while also physically releasing her stupid, pent-up emotions.

That was how Damian found her—beating the shit out of training dummies in the Cave. It was long after everyone else had gone to bed, so no one should have been up to bother her. Steph couldn't remember the last time she had slept, and she was pretty sure her ribs were bruised from the fight with Poison Ivy, but none of that mattered. She was in the zone, and she needed to put in at least another two hours before even thinking of potentially stopping.

"What are you doing?"

Stephanie whirled around to find Damian standing at the edge of the training area, arms crossed with an eyebrow raised. Stephanie felt the urge to punch it off his face.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm training, obviously. You starting to lose your sight in your old age, Damian?"

Damian didn't rise to the bait. "You should be asleep. When was the last time you slept?"

Stephanie scoffed, "That's rich coming from you."

Damian's eyebrows furrowed. Stephanie wasn't normally so antagonistic. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong!" Stephanie spun back around to continue beating on the dummy. "Everything is peachy keen and all that bullshit, so just leave like you always do and go back to bed."

"What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Stephanie was getting really tired of talking to Damian. Her punches grew more erratic. "You may seem to give a shit when I'm not all sunshine and rainbows and shit, but you sure as hell don't care enough to actually do anything about it. I'm the one that's supposed to talk everyone through their problems. I'm the one who's gotta be emotionally available because God forbid any of the adults in this house actually act like adults and help the kids when they need it! Bruce tries, sure. And bless Alfred, but even he has his own issues. So it's gotta be me! But where's my help?! Where's the emotional support when I need it?!"

Her next punch was stopped as a hand wrapped around her wrist. Stephanie snarled at Damian, who seemed stunned at the action, and yanked at her wrist, but he refused to let go.

"Is that how you really feel?"

Stephanie was shocked to see genuine concern in the man's eyes and deflated. She hadn't meant to dump all of that on Damian, but she was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She tugged her wrist halfheartedly and let it drop to her side as Damian let go.

"I..." She fought back tears. She refused to cry in front of Damian. She didn't want to see or hear his contempt for weakness. She didn't think she could handle it in her current state.

She jolted in surprise as a hand landed on her shoulder. She stared up in surprise at Damian, whose face was twisted with discomfort.

"You are correct." Damian admitting she was right? Stephanie was sure she'd fall over from all the surprises she was receiving tonight. "We have never considered the position we inadvertently put you in. I was... not a normal child, so I did not expect the care you give to the others, which suited Father just fine. You were already part of our team when Timothy joined us, and you moved in not long after. We did not have time to consider his needs—or the needs of the others—before you swooped in to care for them. We never considered what you needed because we were comfortable the way we operated. That was our mistake."

Damian glanced at the training dummy before looking back at her. "You have nothing to prove to us. You are a formidable warrior, and a valued member of this family. The others love you and would be distressed to know you are hurting yourself in some absurd quest to prove your worth." Damian paused, and Stephanie felt the slightest squeeze from the hand on her shoulder. "Father can be quite dense. Should you need someone to confide in... I am available."

Stephanie was floored. This was not how she was expecting this night to go, but she couldn't deny this was all she ever wanted to hear from her brother. Her eyes shined with fresh tears. "You mean it?"

Damian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I would not have said so if I did not."

"Come here, big guy!" Stephanie lunged at the man and wrapped her arms around him.

She could appreciate this for what it was. It had to have taken a lot for Damian to step so widely out of his comfort zone. His arms hung uselessly in the air above her back, but Stephanie didn't mind. Damian had given her a lot tonight. She wouldn't push.

"...You can let go now."

"Shh. We're having a moment."

"...I would like to go back to bed."

"Fine! Fine!" Stephanie let go with a laugh.

They made their way to the elevator in silence. As they ascended, Stephanie could feel a weight lift from her shoulders. She still had some work to do in regard to her insecurities, but this was a big step towards something better for her. The rest would be easy.

When her insecurities reared their ugly head again, Stephanie knew her big brother would be there to catch her.

[zorosnavigator]

My to do (one day i swear) fics masterlist (forgive the messy summaries and useless commentary i literally made this two weeks after seeing the movie and didnt touch it until today lol )

1 Titanic AU for this one im still thinking abt the general plot (edit 28/01: i have the plot but i have to write it lol)

2 Coryo has his grandma and cousin 'captured', it has some consequences on his psyche and thoughts... ( he believes them dead--> during the scene after the games with Highbottom implies they might be dead the little shit) and is directly (like literally forced, hes not allowed to see his family) sent in District 12....

3 (in this one they're technically older than in canon), before the war they meet many times (from 10 to 15/16y), then the war happens: they meet again during these events, (the Covey didnt partake in the war in the novel, but im still deciding though if Lucy Gray'll choose a 'side' to help or not...edit 28/01: she will pick a side hehe and not its Coryo's) ...(...maybe , after, the angst during the war, then the 13 win and they meet at opposite side of the line...and then forced to be together due to the new 'Games'.?????..bruh i have so many tropes and AU mixed in this one)

4 okay, so this is a Star Wars AU...(not Anidala i swear...they just...dont fit them i think) so idk if you watched Rogue One, but it'll be loosely inspired by this movie...

5 College/University AU, where Coryo is forced (literally, he is blackmailed by professor Highbottom) to tutor Lucy Gray otherwise he (C. Highbottom) wont valid his stage/work (or smt like that idk precisely yet since i dont know a damn thing abt American or British university ) - and he choose Lucy Gray especially for him bc he knows Coryo'll be pissed abt it and wont succed (well, he thinks he knows Coryo wont succeed, but little did he know...) so Coryo not exactly happy abt having to tutor this...girl. (pretty snobby abt it too)...their start is very...rocky...(i have written their meeting scene (well, the official meeting) already )

6 (edit 28/01: this one is very shitty i hesitated to let it on this post but here take what my snowbaird brainrot managed to imagine lol) ...due to the fragile 'peace' between districts and Capitol after the war, the new government decided to send children/teens/adult to differents district or Capitol (a sort of 'exchange'.... well and also 'you start doing suspicious things, we have your people in 'hostage' kind of thing) and for them to live in it (for a limited amount of time), and if they succeed without raising any problems, they can come back 'home' (little did kid Coryo know he will end up loving district 12....not right away of course, right now hes rather angry, disgusted by 12 and a condescending little shit... )

7 (edit 28/01: i wrote a more insightful plot for this, i'll add it tomorrow) Lucy Gray, killed in the forest wake up to the day of her reaping.

8 another modern AU (sorry if u dont like that) inspired by Mamma mia (i fully blame the whole movie album) with, of course some twist and changes...(edit 28/01: it can works my brain said so to me)

9 WHELP. ANOTHER MODERN AU. so. i wont detail everything here (its the first fic idea i had and i did work a little more on it ) but, Coryo after 3/4 years in the military (forced by his mom but theres more to it of course also,/ not thinking abt real military accuracy now) come back to see his friend Sejanus - yeah, he really is friend (reluctant) Sejanus in this,(Sejanus, who due to some events- his father death???- created with his mom a scholarship for students who live in less priviligied areas of the town/or country??? still thinking abt it ) . So. Coryo come back just to see his only (with Clementia of course) friend doing buddy buddy with Lucy Gray. Lets say hes not happy....

10 Im sure others already thought of this one, but if Highbottom was more of a close 'mentor/fatherly' figure to him after the war??? ( not only, but also manipulating Coryo to his own ends)

12 And Actors AU because well, they're both performers in their own right and Actor/actress + (fake dating maybe??) + a past still haunting them + lowkey despise you = perfect angst.

[asoiafzambi]

"Spoilers" Spoilers! Spoilers?

Like always, this could all be totally fake yadda-yadda ... and if the leakers make this all up, they should definitely go into fanfiction writing, because some of that shit is hilarious.

I just like to elaborate on my thoughts about it, fake or not.

Daemyra at odds:

I don't like it. What can we daemyra stans say except we don't like it (that early in the timeline)? But the showmakers seem to be dead set on it. Not sure if there will/can be a short reconciliation at some point (maybe when they take King's Landing together?) but I wont hold my breath.

Daemon at Harrenhal:

If you wanted to make the already insanely split online fandom rip each others throats out and set everything and themselves on fire, having Daemon get roofie-raped by Alys Rivers is definitely a way to go about it, and I will be there like:

I'm not squeamish about SA in media/fiction. In GOT the Sansa stuff was just absolutely nonsensical, because she is not Jeyne Poole and what the fuck is Littlefinger doing? If they really needed Sansa raped (que?), then do something with Harry the Heir, you lazy fucks. Dany/Drogo and Jaime/Cersei at the Sept is definitely very iffy in the books too.

Back to HOTD, I will be rather disappointed though, if Daemon doesn't get what happens and thinks it was just a dream, because I really want to see his reaction to getting raped by a 150 year old red-zombie-witch.

Making Alys a 150 year old red-zombie-witch is a bit fanservicy already, together with the desperate tie-in to Aegon's I conquest (got a new show to sell, I guess).

Jace/Sara vs. Jace/Cregan:

Here I will make myself very popular by saying I actually greatly prefer Jace/Sara over Jace/Cregan.

I don't mind Jace being gay/bi, but I just think it makes absolutely no sense for Cregan. It's probably because I'm an ole Stark 'hater'. Since fandom is dead set on the bromance, they might do it, and I will roll my eyes a bit and just write Sara/Jace/Cregan thruple fic to piss everybody off.

I would much rather have a steamy Daemon/Laenor or Daemon/Hugh (if he is Viserys' son omg*) scene, but with that I'm probably just showing my age.

But nevermind with whom Jace fucks around up north, for the love of gods don't let Baela be crushed or whiny about Jace' betrayal. She should spit/laugh in his face tbh. Screw the angry black woman cliche, she has every right to be angry with prince dumbass. Immediately moving on with Alyn is obligatory anyways.

* I mean, visiting him in his smithy and complimenting his hammer ... seriously?

Blood and Cheese:

They seem to have backpedalled on the 'accident' ideas a bit (because nobody likes it that much), but I think it will still be a misunderstanding.

If Daemon instructs Blood (and Cheese) to beat the crap out of Helaena until she says a name, what he means is until she names one of her brothers for the one on one revenge. But poor Hel will have no idea what's going on with these thugs jumping her and in the end just say the name of one of her kids to make them stop.

Blood: Instructions unclear, cut the head off of a pre-schooler.

Cue everybodies shocked face vs. Daemon's stupid face: Wait? Helaena has kids? I kinda forgot (could be pretty meta).

There is also a leak version now where Daemon has absolutely nothing to do with B&C and it's all Rhaenyra's idea, which also would probably make fandom explode and seems a bit far fetched.

Corlys and Rhaenys and Marilda and her bastard boys:

I really hope the cheating plot wont be that prominent. I'm not a fan of the modern-romance spin on 'medival' marriage. This might be my personal damage though, because my narcisstic demi-romantic, poly ass will never be able to warp her mind around the concept of monogamy. I will just find it weird that Rhaenys would actually believe Corlys kept it in his pants during his years-long adventures and be baffled that he didn't.

I would also like it, if Rhaenys wasn't just mad on her own behalf, but maybe also a bit on Marilda's behalf. Like: Dude, you get this side-chick for your voyages/campains, impregnate her twice, and then what ... show up every five years with a package of milk? Talk about being a nasty deadbeat bitch, my man.

Rook's Rest:

I actually really liked how one of the leaks described Rhaenys' death, with her ashes falling from the sky after being grilled by Vhagar and onto Corlys and Aegon on the ground. What a wonderful nasty picture. I'm also fine with Aegon finding this hilarious and getting the show'sTM facebeating from Corlys for it.

I think that's all. Now I have to actually go back to writing my brazillion AU WIPs ... damn writers block.

[twicearoundthesun]

5, 6, 11, 12, 13, 18, 19, 22, 24 (if u make moodboards!), 25, 27

IM SORRY I PICKED SO MANY I JUST LIKE PICKING APART FELLOW WRITING BRAINS

sorry this took so long and is probably very uninteresting

5 - What's a fic idea you've had that you will never write - Hoooo boy, i am the queen of fic ideas I'll never write. Lots of angst and fluff. One that my brain has pretty detailed out lately is just an ABO-type AU where NaJeongMoSaHyo are all married to each other living life n stuff. I think it'd be cute, to follow them thru getting together, and then big life events. Ups and downs. Marriage and all that. Eventually they'd have kids, raise em all together. It'd be adorable and wholesome and very slice of life.

6 - Any fics from others you reread all the time? - Hell yeah there are

The First Snowfall by YOU when i want my feelings absolutely wrecked :(

Oh My God They Were Roommates & The Island of Misfit Toys by lildemonlili

This Night Is Sparkling, Dont Let You Go by amperis

To Serve Her by bbygirldahyun

Ready To Be Mine? by Sleephyuns/Ginnumeru

Definitely a few more i couldn't find/ cant remember.

(usual disclaimer because this is not an 18+ blog and im paranoid: please mind the rating on these, theyre all rated T, M, or E on AO3. Do not disrespect a writer by ignoring their rating or warning)

11- Do you have a specific playlist for writing fics? - I actually dont listen to music when i write. Music tends to distract me cuz my brain runs away with it... but i should try that, maybe

12 -Do you have a playlist for your current WIPs? - Nope.

13- How much planning do you do before writing? - Almost none, which is unfortunate for anyone who would like me to update anything in a timely manner. I know a vague direction i want something to go in, or I know certain scenes I want to happen later down the line. I kinda just write to connect a vague story or concept. i almost never have an ending in mind; thats kinda why i favor AUs... theyre stories from a universe, and I can keep sharing stories as I think of them. Unless its a oneshot, or a published fic... then i know the beginning and a vague ending. Coven AU has a ton of lore because I drank a lot of coffee one day and had a notepad. Most lore for any au i have just relies on me going 'oh thats a GOOD idea ill remember that'.... reader, i have severe ADHD that i do not manage in any way. I dont remember that.

18 - What's one of your favorite lines you've written in a fic? - Oh boy. Probably none of them, i dont love my like... writing style? It isn't pretty, just plain. So i suppose its only, ' “You woke me up. And you’re making my bed smell like tequila. Why would I move over for you?” She mumbled, moving over. ' from roommates AU. Because Dubchaeng loves each other.

19 - Small teaser from a WIP - Ok i was gonna be mean and give you one for a very far in the future very angsty roommates fill but i WONT thatd be mean. heres coven au

Jihyo lifted her arms to throw another bolt of electricity, one to end the fight before either of them got hurt. The familiar smell of ozone stung her nose before Tzuyu’s hand landed on her arm, snapping her out of her concentration.

“Don’t. They stopped.”

“Tzuyu, they tried to barbecue us.”

“You tried to hit them first.”

Jihyo grabbed for her as she took a determined step forward, calling out in what must have been the same language they were speaking.

Ever the diplomat, Jihyo thought. Forever offering the olive branch and trying to get herself killed.

She remained ready to summon another strike.

22 - Do you know how your fic will end before you write it - Not usually. Im very bad at endings. If its a fill for an AU i just write until it feels correct to stop/I run out of ideas. The overall AUs i have no clue how theyd end, maybe a vague direction for some. I do know how my one fic is going to end though, if i ever finish it (i 99% will not im so sorry)

24 - share a moodboard from a WIP - I dont do moodboards but that's another good idea i should try

25 - Have you ever made yourself upset with your own writing - Yea, in that I dont like it and get frustrated when my fingers wont just type shit. I dont think ive written anything too sad.

27 - is there a fic you were nervous to post? - I was nervous to share baby SMC au. I thought it was a cute concept but didnt know if anyone else would. Or if they'd find it weird i made SMC so young.

[aipilosse]

2022 Fanfic Meme

tagged by @arquiving/crownless! tyyyy

Very curious to see what happens as I’ve been avoiding stats for several months now!

Word count for the year: AO3 says it’s 231,727 but that’s because all of What Brings Us Together counts as 2022 though it was mostly published in 2021. 

Number of stories posted to Ao3: 11 (again, including WBUT which started the year before). This includes some anon fic 😶

Pairings written for: Celebrimbor/Sauron; Elwing/Earendil; Celebrimbor/Maeglin; 

Fandoms I wrote for: The Silmarillion, and one LotR fic (and one RoP but does it count if you’re just spoofing show rumors?) 

Most popular story: What Brings Us Together, by a long shot.

Story I’m most proud of: I am proud of What Brings Us Together -- it’s a novel! there’s plot! there’s a bajillion characters! I think I gave Sauron a totally undeserved happy ending without letting him completely off the hook! It (was) a pretty unique story (lmao no longer though)! But I’m also proud of Family Pulled From a Flood and A Fiend in Feline Shape both of which explored new relationships and characters and cultures. 

Funniest: Haha, probably A Fiend in Feline Shape -- Ancalagon as a rage-filled cat who accidentally becomes besties with Nimloth is just funny.

Kinkiest: lol the anon stuff.

Saddest: Four Winters, focused on Celegorm & Celegorm’s cruel servants, maybe my first tragic arc?

Least Popular: Well the more recently published stuff has less hits, but I’m going to guess it soon eclipses Lineage, my Arwen & daughter fic for the remix exchange.

Most Cringe-Worthy: lol the anon stuff.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

From a Fiend in Feline Shape:

The Valar gathered, as they were wont to do, on the third Thursday of every month. Or perhaps it was that the third Thursday of every month occurred whenever the Valar gathered. (Calendars were very stressful business for those who cared about such things in Aman.)

Favorite Closing Line(s):

eeeeehhhh let’s go with WBUT? (I really don’t think of myself as a writer who writes really sizzling lines out of context... always kind of painful to pull a quote)

Annatar looked up at him, some measure of awe still in his face. “And I will walk with you, through whatever shall come to pass, until the very end.”

Celebrimbor half rolled off Annatar, although his head still rested on his arm, and let their minds spin together, dreaming of a world unanticipated, but no less joyful.

Top Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

Celebrimbor wearing snake!Sauron from The Gold are Venomous 

Celegorm & Gwíneth hunting, from Four Winters (Celegorm in particular from the fic; he’s a trans man who looks like a short, stout Robert Plant circa 1973)

Ancalagon being a shoulder cat with Nimloth from a Fiend in Feline Shape

Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: sooo many stories bouncing around my head yet I cannot focus on any. Hopefully some more post-canon silvergifting.

Fic-writing goals for 2023: Finish In a Strange Land, participate in a few exchanges.

Tagging (but no pressure): @lesbianhaleth, @undercat-overdog, @i-am-a-lonely-visitor, @jouissants, @samarqqand, and anyone else who’s interested! (sorry if you’ve been tagged a bunch/have already done it)

[stars-of-kyber]

Hi :-) I really like all your kanthony fics. I am soo excited for the next updates of You Belong With Me. And no worries. Life can get busy and we will wait for it when it is ready. I am just super curious. Have you ever thought of writing a Kanthony ballet AU? Also, I super excited to learn that you have other unpublished WIPS. What are they about? Take care in 2023!

Hello! Honestly listening to this makes my day. Thank you very much ❤️ December is always such a hard time for me because of the end of school year and when I finally had time and thought “gonna write so much now!” I got this massive block 😞 but I’m working my way around it. Knowing that people like it make me even more excited to write really.

I HAVE a Kathony Ballet AU!

It doesn’t have a name yet but I made a Moodboard after watching one of my sister’s presentations last December (she’s a professional dancer, not ballet tho)

“Kate Sharma danced in many professional companies across from Europe until an invitation to dance for Aubrey Hall Ballet Company brings her back home. But nothing good comes easy and she’ll have to come head to head with Anthony Bridgerton, once one of the biggest starts of the modern ballet world, now a harsh, demanding, frustrating choreographer after a knee injury removed him from the dance scene. He definitively wont make her life easy. Neither will the explosive tension between them. But it’s alright, two can play this game.”

I have 6 WIPS, 2 one-shot series and a bunch of random One-shots plus the prompts you guys send me here on Tumblr (I promise I see them all and they are all being worked on or thought about very carefully and with a lot of love) that I am currently working on, some more than others.

Of course You Belong With Me is right now my primary focus (together with the Christmas one-shot) and I love them very much.

My Bodyguard x Princess AU, Of Noble Blood, is always very near and dear to my heart and I have about three chapters of it ready (unfortunately the first one if not one of them but I’m close to finishing it… eventually)

There is also Baby Mine that WILL BE FINISHED I PROMISE.

My Rockstar x Personal Assistant, I Found You (Now Everything is Music) is there staring at me waiting for me to go back to the five written paragraphs I have of it. Along with Lost, Drifting, my Memory Loss World War I AU that has the first chapter ready then I got stuck halfway through chapter II and now it’s there judging me every time I start a new WIP.

My one shot series, True Colours, my soulmates AU is my huge huge baby and I love it SO MUCH and it’s there, I desperately want to get it done but every time I open one of the docs nothing comes out. All chapters have cute names and I started like 5 of them with varying degrees of success. The other, the Book Swap one, I’m currently working on the first One-Shot that will be called The Viscount and I and I’m sure you can get where I’m going with this.

Most of them have moodboards bc I have so much fun making them and You Belong with Me and Of Noble Blood even have like a STRUCTURE, like I know how many chapters will be and what will happen in each of them (I am absolutely not a planner and this is actually a first for me yay. Most of my writing docs is just a jumbled up mess of parts that somehow I manage to work together into a story and given moment. I do not write linearly so when an idea comes I just skip some lines and write a completely different scene. My head is a mess, forgive me lol)

I think I posted most of my moodboards with the summaries, but if you can’t find them I can post them again for you 😊

[sparksnevadas]

I have finished reading the latest GIHASM chapter and I am here to let it be known that I am once again wailing sobbing crying about mumscarian.

I feel like it can’t be said enough but the way you write them together… they’re just so soft. The little domestic scene of Scar and Grian cooking together. The implicit trust between Mumbo and Scar as they talk about how they are doing in the wake of everything. Grian trusting Mumbo to be there while he and Pearl preen and Mumbo getting the courage to speak about his experiences with the HA inspired by Grian. I could probably write a whole novel about how much I love the tender affection between them and how absolutely romantic your depiction of them is <3

(Side note: the way you write cooking has really reminded me that I do indeed love to do that)

The dancing scene needs a special shout-out, okay? I had to keep pausing to hide my face because it was just so good. I love your redscape dynamic so much, I think about them often.

The bit about Bdubs’ driving was great too! You got so much of his chapter into such a short bit.

And the parts about Grian’s complex emotions about the HA </3 they were so realistic and I loved getting to see that (especially with the added context of that post about why you named the chapter as you did).

I know you’ve said you are starting to wrap up GIHASM and while I am obviously excited to see what you come up with next, I am definitely going to miss this AU a lot. Every time I get that AO3 update email it puts a smile on my face and I drop whatever I’m doing to go and read it immediately. I love GIHASM so much and if anyone who is still reading at this point hasn’t read it yet I highly, highly recommend you go and check it out!

void!!! my friend <3 i had not noticed you sent this, i am genuinely sorry!

i love little domestic scenes, even if these idiots wont admit they're in love, they will cook for each other, sacrifice for each other, let each other sleep in and distract each other when its needed.

this is a very minor thing but i feel like in popular media and fic, once a character finds out they like someone, its very fast: attempted confessions, miscommunictions (my dearly detested), etc. etc. my thing is like... i wanted to explore what it would be like to fall in love with your friend over a year and not notice. and what'd be like to figure out you kinda see your nemesis as a friend (and maybe more, as you get to learn more and more about him). and even when you do find out, are you really that quick to turn around and risk something you value so much? maybe, maybe. Im trying really hard to find a balance between the two ends i suppose. its very slow going, but im glad everyone seems to be enjoying the ride? But anyways ya, ya, they are in love, but more importantly, they are best friends :)

(I LOVE COOKING!!!! the recipe for the spanish omelet is a mix between official recipes (putting it in the oven) and my own (adding bell pepper occasionally. it adds flavor and color))

its really funny to me that when i started drafting this fic, my head was so full of redscape stuff. and then i kinda realized i needed to focus on grian, so then i went full scarian mode for a bit. grumbo is the ship i feel like in a way i've had to put on the back burner for most of the fic bc mumbo wasn't "there" for the first half. anyways i love redscape. it consists of one Anxious but sweet man and his Confident but too sweet man wholoves him very loudly (but maybe not loudly enough?). and theyre best friends :) and they were roommates!

<3 <3 <3 i think i havent made it super clear in the fic up until this point that everyone and everything is morally gray, including the like. ig antagonist? of the fic. The HA has good people in it, and it has people who are not so good. everyone has different opinions on what should happen to it, and they are all valid in their own ways. given that a lot of readers were rallying against the HA, i was like :3c time to reveal why grian likes bleaching his wings and why he loves the HA and will always feel mixed emotions about it.

(can you tell i like writing about complicated relationships? lmao)

i have about 2 more story beats to finish off on..... i have also been saying i have two more beats for about 2-3 months. I say "soon", i have no idea how much longer this fic will take to write. for example, i thought of the stuff for this chapter within the last three weeks. so it was a last minute beat add. soooooo idk. "soon" but like. im gonna take any excuse to write more domestic scenes lmao. a meandering "soon"

anyways!!!! hi void my friend!!! thank you so much for this long ask i love long comments so much i love seeing what everyone picks up on and what parts are fun to read!!! genuinely the interview part was nervewracking for me to write bc i was like... i hope i dont sound preachy but journalism is important to me, and morality is important. anyways, i wont ramble any longer, but i lov u!!!

[ameliterature]

TODD TIME TRAVELLER THEORY/HC

I was eventually gonna make this into an angst fic but I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT (I also have a different plot device so this wont spoil it)

OKAY SO, at the very start of Todd's stay in his room like--

Todd synced his watch/clock together at THIS MOMENT, where Neil's father first ruined Neil's entire school year, removing his School Annual membership.

Still fixing it when he's invited to the study group as well

Then literally the next shot is the clock chiming (time/clock motif)

The central theme also of the movie is Making use of what little time you have left on earth with something that means a lot to you

Don't waste your time not doing something that'll make you truly alive.

They further emphasize this with classes reminding them of "DUE DATES, TOMORROW, THIS IS DUE BY THE END OF THE SEMESTER" further reminding us of "how little time" they have but they have so much to do.

(no image available cuz tumblr said i cant have more photos lmao)

(LONG POST SORRY, keep reading)

Keating of course connects Death and Time together. You'll never know what your life truly was until you come to die. (The Dead Poets' opening poem; "When I came to die, discover I have not lived")

So while Todd was having his gay panic TM, he says he needs to study History... HMMM WHY?? DO YOU NEED IT FOR TIMETRAVEL???? /hj

But homeboy's next scene is him doing this 'promotional dps ad, obligatory motto of the movie, cliche commercial writing of Seize the Day'. BUT HOHOHOH LOOK, a watch, it's also clear in the audio; the watch Ticking faster and faster as he writes the words "Seize the Day". So yeah, I once thought this was cheesy, but like-- He literally HAS to SEIZE THE DAY or else--

I know this is a continuity error but:

This could imply Todd either:

tried to join them but chickened out so he studies alone

or this is a paradox todd and there are 2 twos in the same timeline cuz he was time travellig LMAOOOO

Ok so, ALSO TODD is the Time Keeper for the DPS meetings, JUST SAYING

Todd has got a lot of... time in his hands hahaha OK ANYWAY

if you also read/saw the full verision of todd's POEM

Our boy uses the words for time a lot. "Yesterday, tomorrow, a new day, future" and the title of his poem is probably "And Still We Sleep" and he read this AFTER Neil's play, when he was out of time :( he slept on his chance laksjdlkasjdlks

EVEN HIS IMPROV POEM IS TIME RELATED

We're on TODD'S TIMELINE because we're given his birthday. It happens at the mid point of the movie and most likely the mid point of the semester. Also helps cuz he's gonna remember this year A LOT.

Also ok before neil's final shot we get a shot (hehe) of Mr. Perry and his watch, very sus, but like, we're also focusing on the last TIME Mr. Perry had a son-- oof

ALSO, TODD LOOKS AT THE CLOCK BEFORE HE HAS TO SIGN THE DOCUMENT

And ok, anyway the movie ENDS with Todd's face too. the END of the movie, end of that experience for US.

We're asked to remember Todd like remembering our time, remember moments when we did or didn't do something interesting with our time.

But also.... like... if Todd could do it over, he'd go back to the time he first fixed his watch so he could get to know Neil all over again...

Or imagine him in an endless loop of trying to save Neil, every iteration he loses him somehow or ruins something if Neil is alive; in order for things to truly be in order, he had to stop messing with TIME.

This post is getting too long, I'll make another TimeTraveller!Todd post again later, I need to eat lmaooo

(part 2 in reblogs)

[seyaryminamoto]

What got you into the amazing ship that is Sokkla?

Well, gee. Ancient history lesson time! xD

There's a couple of culprits, but ultimately, the one to blame is a certain furtive and clever commissioner of art who requested this piece from the epic @saniika:

I had been on an Azula kick because well, as any Azula fan is wont to do, I was very depressed by ATLA's outcome and I wanted Azula fics to save my broken heart x'D I tested the waters with a few pairings, they weren't exactly what I was looking for... and then while scouring DeviantArt for Azula art (there are some seriously good pieces and artists there), this particular piece showed up and I was genuinely mindblown... and admittedly, perplexed. I had no idea what was going on here, and I wanted to understand it xD I could tell there was a story behind it, but I couldn't find it! And so, I started looking at more Sokkla art and found that this very sneaky commissioner had INDEED requested a LOT of art based on her fic...!

... If you want to know how that particular, personal story goes, said commissioner became one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life xD She's not active in the fandom anymore, but I love her to pieces and we talk daily. I once even wrote a breakdown of what she planned for her story, Majesty, as I recalled it... the post's somewhere in my archive haha xD I'll try to look it up and link it later if I remember to.

Anyway! I didn't get to know that future best friend of mine right away XD but I got hooked on the concept of these two before I even had a clue of what was going on with me. A certain anime called Bleach had already taught me the joys in testing the waters of ships that appeared impossible in canon, simply by testing if characters worked well together, if their dynamics were enjoyable... and I didn't really care if Sokka and Azula weren't together in canon, I just wanted to find out if this pairing was as good as it looked, ya' know?

Then, I got cajoled by another person I knew in the fandom (... that one I'm not friends with anymore, heh... things happen) to start writing fics about ATLA, a concept I was a little bit daunted by, but the idea he gave me sounded relatively fun. I came up with the concept for my first fic, Origins of Pro-Bending, and because I wanted Azula in there, being my favorite character and all, I figured I needed an excuse to feature her in the story! And what better excuse... than to make her Sokka's girlfriend! XD

It was a spur of the moment choice, and one I was mostly making for the sake of humor + curiosity at first. I was really intrigued by the ship but I wasn't quite fully aware of its wonders yet...

... Not until I wrote chapter 2, though. That one was basically a long one-on-one chapter where Sokka and Azula had a very big, strategic discussion about what they had to do for the sake of ensuring Aang was a true master of water, earth and firebending, and damn, it started to click so well for me that I was pretty shook by realizing these two worked incredibly smoothly together.

And by the time I wrote chapter... 4? 5? The first actual kiss scene I wrote between them, as a follow-up of Sokka tickle-attacking Azula and giving her reasons to laugh? I was a goner by then. I was so sold on them I couldn't see any other possibilities anymore x'D the concept for The Reason (the lead up and explanation of how they got together, and the fic that actually ended up being the very core of that "fic verse", if I can call it that xD) arrived a little later for me, and I was so passionate about exploring the way they'd get together that I almost wanted to drop OoPB just to get to The Reason instead x'D

In the end, I went completely wild with these dorks. I had never found a burst of inspiration as powerful as the one they gave me...

And that was almost ten years ago! X'D will be ten years, exactly, in November. Completely insane, isn't it? I'm still here, still completely swept up by these two and still utterly fascinated by their relationship, their dynamics, their potential... I swear I wouldn't have been here for this long, with this much fire inside me still, if there wasn't something genuinely special in this ship. They're beautiful to me, I'm seriously grateful to be part of this community... and I'm very grateful, too, to the people who started it all for me <3 I don't want to imagine where I'd be right now if I weren't here, because frankly, I'm sure it would not be a better place than this one xD