#of COURSE he didn't rape YOU doesn't mean it didn't happen to others

[kangseluigi]

The way so many people were arguing that Michael Jackson is totally innocent when people—and especially CSA survivors—tried to explain that even if nothing explicitly sexual happened, it's not that easy, he definitely crossed some lines, and that kids aren't lying about stuff like that for fun, and it still went on for YEARS, only for hm to be on the fucking Epstein flight list???

[ninyard]

Heyy! You said someone should ask you about Kevin under this post about Kevin's struggles from the nest of which we don't know enough... So I'm asking you about Kevin! Please tell us your Kevin thoughts! You always make very good points and I like reading your thoughts!!

cody my friend I am so glad you asked but you might regret it. i hope you're prepared from an unorganised huge convoluted MESS of a ramble

i've been thinking for a few days about this one like... what would a kevin POV look like? what is he hiding? how does he cope? WHO IS HE?

the kevin we ""know"" is a "coward", an insufferable bitch, an asshole and a hardass. other people's opinions and view of him makes up the entirety of our impression of who he is. but that's not who he is. that's just who we're supposed to believe he is.

kevin, born and bred to have this... borderline psychopathic lack of empathy, who can look his teammates in the eye after being told seth is dead or andrew is being committed and say, "what about the game?"

but when the raven's are switching districts; his sense of danger and fear is paralysing. he's three steps ahead trying to figure out how to please riko, how to keep himself safe, willing to put himself back into the centre of his abuse just to stop riko from finding him and killing him. he has to get blackout drunk to deal with any amount of riko. he's frozen with fear by being in the same room as him.

kevin knows where jean's mind and body goes to when hes panicking, knowing his worst place is right back in the nest being drowned by riko. kevin telling neil "do you know what he'll do to you?" and "he'll break you" when neil asks for his ticket. kevin's text to him before he goes into the nest, and staring at neil like he'd seen a ghost when neil returns after the nest (when he looks like the butcher). his comforting "i know what he's like" or "i know how he sees you, i know it means he did not hold back,".

kevin nervous breakdown panic attack day vs kevin smile for the cameras one track exy mind day

im so intrigued by him. how does he cope? his mother is dead, probably killed by the mafia family he was raised by. he grew up into a cult, he was only a child watching neil's father cut a man into pieces in front of him. how many other's had he seen?

how many other injuries cover his body, in places where the cameras can't see? how many rapes and assaults was he forced to watch in the nest? how many beatings was he forced to participate in? what did he have to say to jean in french that he didn't want riko to hear?

he needs someone with him all the time because of the nest. he's a "health freak" because of the nest. his sleep schedule, his anger, his anxiety.

did he say "what about the season?" re: andrew after drake because he doesn't care, or did he think "i've seen this happen too many times. and they've always kept playing,"? did he think "andrew is the strongest person i know. andrew is stronger than me. he would never let this destroy him," knowing that it has?

nobody has protected him in his life apart from the cameras and andrew.

he's scared. he doesn't know what love is supposed to look like.

he's only been a human for a year.

his scars are healing for the first time in his life and they're not being replaced by new ones, but every day he's afraid that that's going to get ripped out from underneath him. his entire life already got flipped upside down when he left the nest. of course exy is the only thing he "cares" about.

because it's the only thing that's been certain in his life, and even for those few weeks or months where he thought he would never play again, he trained and trained, and learned how to use his non-dominant hand because he can't lose this. he can't lose exy like he's lost everything else.

kevin has never had anything stable in his life except for violence and exy. now he has people he's supposed to care about, and he has to change his priorities. he has to learn how live a life that isn't fueled by self-preservation for the first time ever.

jean was only in the nest for five years; and look at him. look at what the nest has done to his social skills, his view of himself, his self esteem. look at what it's done to him, how he expects violence and contrition, coach and always waiting and waiting and waiting for the punishment to come.

kevin might not have had the same level of physical abuse that jean had, but he was there far longer. the ravens existed before him; their mindset and their abuse and their violence and their poison.

he's been drinking the raven poison since his childhood. the only difference between him and jean other than those things above is that kevin had more pressure to hide it, because he was half of the face of the ravens, half of the face of Exy; media trained or PR trained or a master at being a fraud and faking the way he speaks when he's being recorded.

kevin knows how to hide his abuse because he has always had to, and he's had quite a lot of practice at it.

kevin has only been a human for a year. kevin has only been kevin for a year.

so who is he? does he even know?

or is he just Kevin Day, Raven Fox starting striker, number two, six foot two, left handed right handed left handed, heavy racquet, stick size five? is that all he will ever see himself as?

anyways. or something like that. maybe he is just an insufferable bitch for no reason at all. who knows!

[oreolemur]

Ok so how about a Megumi x female reader.... Where Megumi is a bully... He bullied the reader so much. But the reader Fears Megumi so much so she didn't tell anything to Megumi. Reader had a crush on Yuta. They weren't in a relationship but they liked each other so much... Megumi doesn't like it...cz he loves the reader but never tells anyone cz he loves to bully her.... So being jealous one day he raped the reader and made a video of it and send it to Yuta...

Here you go!!

Watching you from a distance, Megumi couldn’t stand to see you happy with Yuta. “That shit pisses me off”, he muttered. It wasn’t like the two of you were dating. You and Yuta have been best friends since elementary school, but as you both got older, you started to develop feelings for each other. “Wanna hang out this weekend?”, Yuta asked. “My roommate will be out of town. We can watch movies and binge on snacks”. He was always a sweet guy. “Sure, sounds fun”, you smiled, gathering your stuff as you began to head to your next class. “Alright, see you Saturday”, Yuta waved goodbye, going his separate ways. You watched him leave, blushing at the thought of having alone time with him. “Eek, I can’t wait!”. 

Once you made it to your next period, you sat down, sighing. “I hope he’s absent today”. You look at the classroom’s entrance, watching and waiting. “Please don’t be here. Please don’t be here”. You bite your nails, bouncing your leg. “Move your bag”, a voice said beside you. You were so focused on one entrance of the classroom that you forgot all about the other. You look next to you, seeing Megumi…your bully. “Move your goddamn bag”, he repeated. You quickly did, placing it on the floor. “I-I thought you weren’t coming today”, you said. Megumi took a seat next to you. “You’d like that wouldn’t you”, he responded. You knew you would actually. Megumi was always mean to you, taunting you however he saw fit. 

Even during lessons, he didn’t care about the fact that you were trying to learn. He would sharpen his pencil, stabbing you in the thigh with it. What made it worse was that you always wore dresses and skirts, so it was easy access for him. “Please stop”, you begged, on the verge of crying. Megumi could hear the pain in your voice. “If you cry I will do it harder”, he said, digging the sharp object into your skin. You clenched your fists, trying not to cry. Your bully heard you struggling as you took deep shaky breaths. “Tch, pathetic”. But that’s not the only thing he would do. When class ended, he would take it upon himself to trip you, making you fall. One day, you fell so hard your face hit your textbooks, causing your nose to bleed. 

You could never escape Megumi. He had you wrapped around his finger. You were his toy and he loved to play with you. Even when you thought it was ok to avoid him, he punished you for it. When he did hit you, he would beat you in places you could cover up. “You know what happens if you tell anyone about this right?”. He would threaten you, making you sure you kept quiet. You never understood what you could’ve done for him to treat you this way. “W-why do you hurt me?”. You asked that question often, but all he ever said was, “Because I want to”.

No matter how close you were with Yuta, you knew you would never have the courage to tell him. He was your safe space, a person that made you smile, and a shoulder to cry on. “He would be heartbroken hearing about this”. You always put on a smile around him, although some days you were in pain or depressed about your situation. No one could make you feel better than Yuta. Maybe that’s why you have feelings for him? “Are you ready to have fun with me tomorrow”, Yuta asked, walking you back to your dorm. “Of course I am”, you blushed. Seeing your face turn red, Yuta blushed as well. “D-did you pick a time for us to meet? I was thinking we could go out to eat first”, the man asked. Dinner with your crush? You were flustered, “Um…h-how about…7?”, you suggested. Yuta agreed to it. 

Once you reached your dorm, you hugged Yuta goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow”, you said. Before you could walk off, Yuta grabbed you by the arm, pulling you in. “What-”, he cut you off, smashing his lips onto yours. “How was that?”, he asked, shocked by his boldness. You blinked a few times as he left you speechless. “Did you not like it?”, he wondered. You shook your head. “N-No…I loved it”. You quickly pecked his lips, walking off. “See you tomorrow!”, you shouted. 

Opening the main entrance to your dorm, you ran into your bully. The two of you looked at each other in silence. “W-what are you doing here?”, you asked. Megumi continued to stare at you. He was furious, but didn’t show it. “Do you like him?”, he asked. You looked at him confused, “Who?”. He sucked his teeth, getting up. “You know who”, he said. “Do you like him…Yuta?”. You nod, “Y-yes, why?”. Megumi stood in front of you, staring into your eyes. He didn’t say anything…just looked. “What do you want?”, you questioned. He ignored your question, walking out of the building. You looked back at him, wondering what that was. “At least he didn’t hurt me”, you said. 

❤~The Next Day~❤

You spent the entire evening getting yourself ready to go out with Yuta. “I have to look my best”, you said looking into your closet for something cute to wear. “This will do”. You picked out a cute black skirt that was knee high. Then you chose a pink long sleeve with ribbons on it. You were so excited that it was hard to contain your happiness. “I can’t believe he kissed me”, you blushed. Having Yuta as your first kiss was a dream come true. “I’m glad he likes me back. Maybe he’ll ask me out”. You daydreamed about the two of you being together. A dream with just love and security…and no Megumi. Definitely no Megumi. You couldn’t help but think about the awkward run in you had with him yesterday. “What was his problem?”. You shook it off, focusing on getting ready. “Nothing will stand in the way of my happiness tonight”. 

Meanwhile Megumi was in his apartment, sitting on the couch.  He stared blankly at the TV which wasn’t even on. “She likes him”, he said. The man saw everything that happened between you and Yuta. “They kissed”. He was in his feelings. “She belongs to me”. Megumi loved you. But how could that be? He clenched his fists at the idea of you dating someone other than him. He wanted you. You were his and his only. It didn’t matter that all he does is hurt you. “She’s mine”. He got up from the couch, grabbing his keys. He decided it would be best to go for a nightly stroll to clear his head. 

❤~6:30pm~❤

You checked yourself in the mirror. “I look so cute”, you smiled. You applied some makeup to your face, adding any finishing touches to it. “Ok…done”. You grabbed your purse and phone, sending a text to Yuta that you’re on the way. You exited your room, heading down stairs. The moment you got to the main entrance, you saw Megumi standing there. It was like he was waiting for something…or someone. You slowly opened the door, wondering why he was there. “Megumi? W-why are you here?”. He took a step close to you, staring. “What do you-”, before you could finish, he slapped you. “Ow”. You rubbed your cheek, looking at him with tearful eyes. “Come with me”, he said. You shook your head, “I can’t I-”. He hit you again. “Come with me”, he repeated. Your cheek began to bruise. You held your face, looking down at the floor. Megumi watched you cry, feeling nothing. He stepped closer to you, grabbing your face. “When your boyfriend tells you to do something you do it”, he said.

You looked at him confused. “B-boyfriend?”, you paused. “We’re not even dating”. He grabbed your wrists, dragging you along with him. “Let's go”. You stumbled, trying to catch up with him. “Please let go of me”, you begged, attempting to pull your arm away from him. He gripped you tighter, digging his nails into your skin. You knew you were powerless against him, so you had no other choice but to follow him. He took you across campus to the apartments that were beside the university. “I hope he doesn’t beat me badly this time”, you hoped. Once he approached his front door, he opened it, pushing you inside. 

You jumped when his dogs began to bark at you. “Ignore them”, he said, guiding you to his bedroom. He ordered you to sit on the bed as he closed the door behind him. “Can we make this quick? I-I have somewhere important to be”, you stated. You took out your phone, looking at the time.”Give me your phone”, Megumi demanded. You didn’t want to. “Why?”, you asked. He walked up to you, snatching it out of your hand. “H-hey, come-”. He slapped you again, making the bruise even worse. “Please stop hitting me”, you begged. Megumi ignored you, unlocking your phone. “You think it’s ok to cheat on me?”, he said. The man kept confusing you. “Cheat? What are you talking about?”. Megumi scoffed, “You know exactly what I’m talking about”.

He was beyond delusional at this point. “I saw what you and Yuta did!”. You can see the anger in his eyes as he was starting to lose his composure. “He kissed you and-”, Megumi was cut off. A text from Yuta came through. “What does he mean “Are you still coming?”, the man asked. “W-we were supposed to hang out tonight”, you said. Megumi bawled his fists. “What!”. He grabbed you by the neck, pinning you on the bed. He choked you as he spewed nonsense about you belonging to him. You clawed at his hands, trying desperately to get him to unhand you. “S-stop”, you begged. His grip became harder. Your eyes started to roll to the back of your head. Your body continued to fight back, but the longer he choked you…your limbs grew weak. “Damnit!”, Megumi shouted as he let go. You gasped for air as he got off you.

Megumi reached for your phone, unlocking it again. “Guess I’ll  have to show you AND him who you belong to”. He went to your camera, pressing record. He set the device on his dresser, making sure it was facing the bed. As he approached you, you noticed he was taking off his clothes. You tried to sit up, but he pushed you back down. His hands took hold of your skirt, pulling it off along with your panties. You tried to stop him but he smacked your hand away. “Keep fighting and I’ll make it worse”, he warned. You didn’t want to take that chance, so you compiled. Megumi pried your legs open, spitting on your pussy, before shoving his full length in. You cried out in pain, feeling him thrust hard. “Shut up and take it”, he said. He groaned at how tight you were. It was painful, you never thought that your first time would be like this. 

He lifted up your shirt, exposing your jiggling breasts. He grabbed them, squeezing hard. “Megumi…please”, you sobbed. Megumi ignored you, continuing to do as he pleased. “Fuck”, he moaned, going harder. You couldn’t stop clenching around him. Your tight walls milked his cock, making the man blush. He leaned into your face, holding it still as he kissed you. You cried into his mouth as he forcefully stuck his tongue inside. The phone was still recording, catching everything that Megumi was doing to you. He pulled away from your mouth, looking back at the device, grinning. “Perfect”, he whispered. He drew his attention back to you, staring at your tearful face. “Don’t act like you don’t like it”, he said. “You’re supposed to love your boyfriend’s cock inside you”. 

Megumi stopped, flipping you over on your stomach. He lubed your ass up with spit, rubbing his dick against your anus. “Are you done?”, you asked. “I can’t take anymore”. He grabbed your hair, yanking your head back. Your body was pressed against his chest as he whispered into your ear. “You’ll take whatever I give you”. He pushed you back down, thrusting hard into your ass. You were shocked by how much it hurt. Your cries grew louder. Megumi dug his nails into your waist, holding it for support. “St-stop”, you whimpered. It didn’t take long for your voice to die down. Your vision blurred as you started to pass out. “About time you shut the fuck up”, Megumi said. 

❤~Hours Later~❤

You woke up, lying naked beside your bully. He was sound asleep with his arm wrapped around you. You slowly got up, trying not to make a sound. It was hard to move. You can tell he did more after you lost consciousness. “I know Yuta is disappointed in me”, you said. As you got dressed, you looked for your phone, grabbing it off Megumi’s nightstand. “What the hell?”, you stared at you and Yuta’s messages. He blew up your phone, making you wonder why. As you scrolled up more, your heart dropped. Megumi sent the video to him. “W-why would he do that?”. He edited the video to when you had passed out. He made it look like the two of you were having sex. You cried silently as you grabbed your purse to leave. 

“I’m guessing you saw the video”, Megumi woke up, hearing you sniffle. You looked back at him, asking him why he did that. “Because I love you…”, he got up from the bed, walking over to you. His hand reached out, caressing your face. “You think I want to see you happy with someone else”. He wiped away your tears, taking the phone out of your hand. “Looks like my plan worked”, he read the messages, feeling proud of himself. “You’re an asshole”, you said, snatching your phone out of his hands. Megumi laughed at you. He didn’t care that he ruined your chance with Yuta. All that mattered was that you were his. “Don’t be mad, sweetheart. You’ll grow to love me soon enough”.

[geekthefreakout]

The Joy Leaving the Work

This post will be discussing the works of Neil Gaiman and my personal relationship with them. If you don't like that or cannot handle that, kindly don't read. Also, there will be allusions to SA in the discussions.

So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to pick up Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman-- a book I've owned for a couple of years that's been in my "to read pile" waiting its turn. In the light of the allegations against Gaiman, I put off reading it a couple of months more as I tried to process how I felt. Now I've read it.

Background: Neil Gaiman has been my favorite author bar none ever since I read Coraline in 5th Grade. He and Sir Terry Pratchett share a bookshelf of honor in my room- the one right behind my bed, so I can easily reach for a comfort read. I've always loved his twists on various stories-- The Graveyard Book and Neverwhere being two of my favorites. The dark-but-not-too-dark tone, the dry humor, the magical realism, all of it. Anansi Boys looked like it would have all of that.

And it did! In a vacuum, this would have been a very enjoyable read. But with the allegations, I noticed things that I wouldn't have before. For example (spoilers, I guess):

Mr. Nancy (the titular Anansi) is a funny old man, and often a bit lecherous. In his final moments, he's doing karaoke with some young, buxom blondes when he has a heart attack and falls off the stage, hand outstretched. As he goes down, he sticks his hand out, grabbing one girl's tube top and exposing her as he dies.

This anecdote in the book is presented as something that embarrasses his son (our protag) but is generally interpreted by the other characters as something that was just so funny and charming.

It made me uncomfortable. In fact, just about every time Mr. Nancy alluded to his Master Roshi-like interest in buxom young women, I felt uncomfortable. But wait, there's more:

Spider (secret twin brother of protag Fat Charlie) is interested in Fat Charlie's fiancee. He tricks her into thinking that he IS Fat Charlie, and this girl who had been saving her virginity til marriage is so taken by him that they have sex. Meaning not only did he entice the girl to sex under false circumstances (this is rape), but it's also unclear as to how much of her going along with him is really HER and how much is his... mojo, I suppose. To the story's credit, once she realizes what has happened she gets angry and breaks up with both of them, no longer wanting anything to do with them... until, of course, happenstance brings them together again and she admits that she had real feelings for Spider, who finds himself wanting to behave better for her.

That doesn't sit right with me in the best of circumstances. These are not the best of circumstances.

I finished the book and it took me this long- two weeks and change- to decide how I feel about it. And how I feel about it is this-- I cannot separate it from the author. I cannot enjoy this book because the slime from Gaiman's actions oozes all over it. And that sucks.

I'm almost afraid to reread my favorites from him, for fear that my happy memories of those books will be ruined too. That SUCKS.

And it makes me feel dumb for never having seen the misogyny in the books before. It's like when Rowling showed herself to be what she was and I couldn't enjoy Harry Potter anymore, but worse because Gaiman is an author that I was still actively reading, who had been vocally supportive of queer and trans people, who I'd still looked up to. When it all went down with Rowling, I realized that I'd been excusing a lot of problematic shit in her writing as ignorance, rather than malice. But it WAS malice. And now I'm wondering if I didn't make the same mistake with Gaiman. That sucks too.

Anyway. That's my rant. Thanks for listening. Please share if you're having issues like this too, it's good to not feel alone.

[princelylove]

Hello prince!

I’ve been lurking on your blog for a bit, and I’m so excited by the way you characterize the yanderes!

Seeing your talent with noncon and writing the yanderes being horrid little jerks to their darlings, I’d like to please request: What if darling was very touch adverse due to previous sexual assault/s, not done by the yandere? I feel like you can see the vision, the angst potential.

Just squirming out of the way, shifting to sit on the opposite end of the couch, telling them firmly but as politely as possible to please not touch them. Would telling them even be smart? I’m certain some would take offense that darling technically has a body count, even if it wasn’t consensual. Narciso for example is probably not the man to tell… I’m debating if Josuke would say something to the effect of “Ew. Gross. Don’t tell me that when I’m trying to smash” or if he’d just tune it out entirely. Narancia probably wouldn’t care, until too many rejected physical affections make him stabby.

I’m not even sure if the “nicer”, more protective ones like Risotto would handle the flinching well. I am curious with how you portray him, he does seem oddly sweet in an overbearing way, but a man’s patience has limits.

Of course, there’s so much potential, so many different reactions! But our Prince is busy; If any characters in particular (mentioned here or not) jump out to you, I’d like to hear your thoughts!

Ahh. Sexual aversion. The biggest problem for obsessive, insecure types. Not all sexual abuse victims will react this way, obviously, but it's an interesting concept. The full wheel of fight or flight reactions- freezing, fighting, fleeing, fawning- they're all awful, depending on your yandere.

The only one who can fully understand someone who's been raped or sexually assaulted is someone that's been raped or sexually assaulted. Sexual abuse is a niche that only other abuse victims can understand.

Frankly, you don't know what it's like. It's hard to understand even when it's such a simple concept as "he touched me when I didn't want it" or "she kept harassing me continuously." It's simple! It's just trauma. Shit happens. But it's not.

Most yanderes do not have an ounce of understanding for basic psych- nor do they want their darling to be getting treated by some guy that can fill their head with ideas of them being an abuser of some kind just because they love a little hard. It's impossible for them to understand why you're reacting in such a way.

Never mind the fact that most of them have their own issues and are going to take even the smallest bit of rejection personally. It's not even supposed to be a big deal- you're just politely declining.

Narancia never learned that rejection isn't always personal, nor is it always, really, that deep. Sometimes, people just aren't in the mood. He doesn't even have that high of a sex drive, sometimes the sight of his darling just does something for him, and he assumes it's mutual. It's not like he's a total dog- it's just that sometimes, he'll start to move his hands a little too up or down during mandatory holding time.

Narancia enforces that daily cuddling time, whether you want it or not. If you're clearly having an anxiety attack because he's holding you down and has a knife to your throat to make sure you don't squirm out, he'll just kiss it better, because kisses make him feel better.

To Narancia, any bit of pulling away is too much. It means you want to leave him and hate him and think he's stupid. Really, all you're saying is you don't want sex, not him, but his cute little brain can't differentiate between real and perceived abandonment.

He thinks you're just doing that thing chicks do- you know, playing hard to get. You don't wanna seem like a total slut, sure, but isn't that way hotter than this whole fleeing from him like he's a predator bullshit? You gotta be mad at him. There's no way you'd just scoot away from him for no reason- you love cuddling with him! He knows you keep trying to tell him about how some guy was bad to you in the past, but he's dead, so who cares! He took care of the problem! What?

Narancia usually takes "no" as a fighting word. You can actually see his smile drop once you say it. You're leaving him. What did he do? No, you can't leave him. He loves you. He hates you. You're the worst and a total bitch for doing this to him. Wait, don't go. He'll be a better boyfriend.

One too many of these conversations means the inevitable, that pocket knife is coming out. You're fucking with him and deserve it, like you deserved whatever the hell made you into such a bitch.

He'll patch up whatever wound he made while crying later. He didn't mean it. Do you still love him?

That body count comment.... Some yanderes do care that you're not "pure" anymore.

Risotto isn't one of those types. If anything, it makes him think that you need him more. You're delicate, you're wounded. Something happened and he wasn't there just yet, wasn't aware of you...

You're like a little doe with a broken leg. What a sweet little thing. He takes extra care not to snap the legs you have left; Risotto doesn't have a high sex drive and doesn't enjoy forcing his darling to do anything. The only time he'll ever use all of that strength against you is to one, bring you home and two, force you into a hug you 'clearly' need. He doesn't even sleep in the same bed as you, he'd sooner sleep in his office chair or on the floor. In the same room, but nowhere close. If you would like, he can leave for the night. (To you.)

Physical affection helps. If you get used to him, you'll be comforted by his presence, his smell. The only thing being forced down your throat is dinner, some water during the day. Doesn't that sound good?

Risotto is fairly happy to accommodate you. He's not about to punish you for communicating with him. He spoils you, in a sense. As much as he can. Anything but taking that lock off the front door, anything but letting you out. He doesn't... understand, entirely. He doesn't know what would help someone of your... someone fighting your battles. Do you want crafts? Some company, no company? He could teach you how to sew so you're not just sitting there listening to the voices down the hall all day.

You're just proving his point by backing away from him. He sighs a little bit, he wasn't going to do anything, but it's not like you know that. Risotto's voice is always low and soft, he's talking to you like he loves you.

Which he does.

"It's only me. I was reaching for your hand. Just put your hand on top of mine for a few seconds."

Men his age know how to be patient. He'd bear anything to make his darling happy, to give them a good life. He'd work a hard labor job on a rotten foot. He'd give up his bed, his entire office. He'd stay awake all night to ease the anxiety that something is going to get you. His frustrations... they're taken out elsewhere. While it may (definitely does) stress him out that he isn't making any progress with his darling, it brings him a sense of pleasure that he isn't harming them. That's the most important thing to him. Having them, keeping them to himself, and keeping them away from harm.

Some yanderes, usually the younger and more possessive ones, do care about your "body count." Really, if you're asking the question, it's because you want a certain answer.

Contradicting myself immediately, I mean types like Wes. You're ruining his fantasy of you when you talk about shit you've done in the past, and you're pissing him off with this whole 'backing away and borderline screaming' shit. He's not gonna hurt you, he's just a little handsy. Come on.

Wes has little patience. He used to be a lot sweeter when he was younger and when he temporarily lost his memories. If you're not this sweet little schoolgirl that's gonna spend all of her firsts on him, why is he even here? Why's he so interested in sloppy seconds? His obsession unfortunately won't just go away, but it's clear he's less than thrilled over it once he figures you out. It's something that has him in a bad mood every time he remembers, but it's also... not the worst. If you're still all anxious and timid, that's cute, and therefore hot.

Maybe it's not so bad after all, as long as you pretend to be what he wants. He thinks it's fun to get a rise out of his darling- as long as you're dressed how he'd like, and looking at him like he's going to eat you just because his hand is firmly on your thigh, then he can forget about it for a little bit. It's better when you freeze, or when you're all polite about it. Nothing does it for him like a formal no, and that look of panic... you might as well still be a virgin if you're scared of a little touching.

[zeevoidlight]

I think Vegeta was a virgin up until he met Bulma.

I know, what a freaking way to start an argument but blame reddit for asking and leading me to a trail of autism thoughts, and I will also talk about Vegeta's attraction to Bulma and viceversa when they first met. Like, how tho. Albeit from a demisexual perspective (or asexual, idk anymore really). (I saw the latin dub but as I have heard it is very similar to the japanese version but I'll reference the japanese one if i found footage of it).

/////

Some might believe that because of his attitude, his raw power, his Saiyan heritage, his status as conqueror of planets, genocidal maniac, sociopath extraordinare, his military background and his ruthlessness and uncaring nature, Vegeta was raping people left and right, or that he has always been very sexually active, or at least had some experience regarding the matter.

But be honest, he was too dense with everything from his childhood traumas and his vengeance against Frieza to care about having sex, or having a relationship with anyone in any capacity.

Also he is too proud and values his Saiyan heritage too much to give anyone he didn't deem worthy the privilege to have sex with him, let alone risk the possibility of an offspring. At least that's how I see Vegeta being pre Namek and pre dying against Frieza having to confront and accept by force an overwhelming amount of feelings on a rollercoaster for the first time in years. Dude didn't even thought two times to kill Nappa and let Raditz rot instead of reviving him as the last remainings of his people, that's how dense he was prior. He was so proud that he didn't mind to be the only Saiyan left alive and probably preferred it that way. Nappa that one time suggested to him that they could revive the Saiyan race by mixing with earthlings and Nappa was ready to pound (consensual or not) and Vegeta is like "nah, are you crazy? I wouldn't like to have a child being stronger than me". Dude probably had the opportunity to do so some other times but rejected it, he doesn't sound interested at all, first thinking on other things than sex. Added to that the detail that Toriyama was asked and said that Saiyans basically only get together sexually for the purpose of reproduction, is not a necessity for the most part in the same way it is for humans.

Of course he wasn't oblivious to it like Goku though and was well aware because he's not stupid. Outside of the English dub he notices Bulma on Namek and even refers to her as gorgeous, or pretty earthling woman. So I guess he still had a sexual notion but in other ways. He was not innocent of mind is what I'm saying. Like, he must have known what flipping the bird means. Is probably not that he didn't knew what sex was and desired it at some point or joked about it like I guess they'd do in Frieza's army but he was just not interested on acting on it for real at that time.

But then, after Frieza died and everything that happened after his disaster visit to Earth and Namek, after loosing literally everything and having no purpose anymore other than wait and find Goku to best him, and after having realized more of himself in vulnerable ways trying to find some sense of normality in who he perceived he was, here comes Bulma all confident, infatuated and aggressive with him, because of course she like the bad boys (and Vegeta is actually canonically deemed as handsome), and because Vegeta let his guard down for one second and let Bulma be Bulma while he literally couldn't do anything but go along (I suppose Piccoro was the only one that could have fight him if he tried anything). And he already found her attractive too in a way, not only that but she was probably the first woman that wasn't scared of him and even challenged him, treating him as an equal and as just another person, flirting with him openly, living with her and her family as a guest which is a completely different context to what he had been doing to survive his medium. Like, no one really talks about it but he spent 6 months! with her, her family, and like 50 namekians all living together before asking for Goku to "revive", and that time of waiting calmed him down a great deal already.

His interactions with Bulma

So just so happens that now he can think on other things that aren't killing Frieza and escaping his rulership. He had to learn this new types of interactions and how to deal with them in his own way, and that includes how to approach someone that he felt attracted to. Who knows if he had other people he felt that attraction towards, probably, but Bulma is the one that basically said "yeah, I'm down if you want".

The fact that he calls her "vulgar" when she first flirted with him says a lot of how he would not engage with just anyone because of his pride as a prince and a Saiyan, and how she probably was the first to even flirt with him openly. How he says she is "loud" and called her "woman" also says that he was more likely annoyed by the idea of women as gender like it often happens, belittling them and all. While on the other hand Bulma constantly challenged him on it once they got to Earth, forcing him to address the topic as we see several times, being strong against him. Like (again I'm going with the Latin version since I've heard is more accurate to the japanese version), Bulma says to him "and what about you, small one", and he's like "what?!... She called me small one?..." (in japanese she just calls him Vegeta-kun, like a pet name), he was not willing to dignify the provocation huffing to Bulma's invitation after but didn't menace her nor got aggressive or sarcastic like he would with someone else. But then she said "I'm going to give you a lot of food. Bet you eat as much as Goku, am I wrong? haha!... But I'm not going to allow you fall in love with me even if you find me very attractive", and is in this moment where you can see Vegeta's wtf face entering panic mode resorting to insult her under his breath as if she could see through him. Is right here where you see that he doesn't really know how to react to someone flirting and is debating between bursting in anger or run away but just ends up paralyzed because his ego won't let him move. (in japanese he reacts by muttering "what a vulgar woman! and how loud she is (being)!")

Then they go to Bulma's house and Vegeta just tags along. It seems that going through Namek with the earthlings, helping each other and cooperating like his life depended on it was an experience for a lifetime. My man can't seem to get a rest from one wft after the other since he arrived to Earth because the next thing that happens is that Bulma's mother comes to him faster than light startling him and says "[]...I imagine you must be Bulma's boyfriend. You ARE charming. And it looks like you are trendy". And the only thing he can muster to reply back is "t-trendy?" (I find it funny that that's what he reacted to and not to being called Bulma's boyfriend XD)

Vegeta's disinterest and rejection is part of why I think Bulma was interested on him. Because the interactions Bulma has had with men in general throughout the entirety of the series have been... very poor to say the least. Men want take advantage of Bulma in one way or another but more often than not sexually (I mean just being in Roshi's general vicinity is more than enough for anyone), or they see her as a "thing" for themselves, a trophy. (this one bellow was so terribly stressful, my god...)

And Bulma's approach to men is a similar as well because she is clearly very superficial too and that has remained a constant since day one. (jesus, bulma)

And Vegeta wasn't interested on taking her like that, on the contrary he pushed her away despite being interested (which I bet Bulma knew or at least expected because of her own ego), and also he had greater objectives he wanted to pursue. Focused (on surpassing Goku...), determined, and that was the difference. He doesn't seem like the type of guy that would try to get an opportunity to peek through the shower window seeking to get a glimpse of her like we have seen others do (although, Bulma did saw him through the shower doors), or disrespect her in any physical way. Far from it, his reactions with her are getting all nervous, speechless, flustered, he follows her (because in a way he does respect her character and leadership), aggressively rejecting her at the same time (trying to negate his feelings to go back to the status quo), calling her names, and Bulma isn't taking none of that because she doesn't believe that bs he's spouting and she knows he likes her (like, who wouldn't, as she probably tells herself), even plays with it sarcastically and either brushes it off or dares him to say it again. And I can see why is she so insistent too, because she also likes him.

He lets her get close to him but cautiously (the comparison to a stray cat is not too farfetched). He knows what Bulma wants but just now he has found someone that confronts him about it without fear or shame, he has now the mental space to think about it and needs to respond to it somehow, he is interested back too, he IS aroused by her as well. When he arrives to Bulma's house from his search in space and Yamcha and him are al tense with each other, Bulma arrives and says all calmly "Calm down, boys. Why don't you let him take a shower first?", she touches him and says "C'mon. You have to take a shower because you are VERY dirty" *finger movent, "Come. It's this way". That flinch he does when she touches him while going into fight or flight mode again, and the famous sexy finger movement on Bulma's part that completely seeks to throw him off and serve as a sexual invitation that he quietly accepts (even before she yells at him to stop gawking and not let a damiselle wait) by being passive and following her lead to the surprise of everyone in the scene.

I mean, I'm not the most versed person regarding this (as you can probably see) but It's happened to me where someone gives me something they have to hand me, and they let their hand stay a little longer than usual, or unnecessarily caress your palm with their fingers or nails with the intention for you to notice the unusual movement and tingly sensation as a way of flirting and invite you to sexy time. So I see this the first time and i'm like "Bulma?... ~what is this?~ I see your game" while remembering the first time someone did that to me so clearly. People think that because it's some people's first time you'll be all awkward and won't know how to be sexy too, specially being an older virgin person which would be Vegeta's case, but nah, you just gotta be confident and say "fuck it, I want this too and will give you a good time as well". It is how I picture Vegeta, ultimately knowing his value (also ultimately accepting something for himself after loosing everything on Namek) and enjoying himself as well (like, "serving himself with the bigger spoon" as they say) once they got there when he had to take a decision and answer Bulma's provocations.

(Also, I never totally understood why Bulma's mom was spilling the tea in the background at that moment but I suspected it was because it meant to signify Vegeta and Bulma were "cooking" and very into each other, and not just her being careless and aloof tho using that as a way to convey it).

Every time they in a scene she's measuring him with every interaction they have from the moment they got back to Earth onward, to see how far he's willing to allow her go, and hitting him with another wtf reaction every now and then to trow him off. Even going as far as put him in ridiculous and assert HER dominance. Because is not that he couldn't have just blasted everyone away with every step but little by little both were forming a connection. The scene of the pink shirt, after Vegeta gets offended by the style she says "If you don't want them you can walk around nude"... D: (his pikachu face was better than mine though, and then he says "damn, she's very rude"). I mean... is there anything more clear than that.

And then she sees him and says "You really look good like that...". Not only that but when Vegeta senses Frieza arriving he gets mad, insults Yamcha for doubting his ability to sense Frieza's chi, they're about to fight each other and Bulma is cooking some meat and is like "Vegeta, if you want to use the sauce I have it here", and everyone, specially Vegeta, is visibly confused and he doesn't know how to respond, the scene is left unanswered. But Bulma is pushing to see if Vegeta can be gentle and mannered.

(side note: Trunks says that after his arrival Yamcha was going to be unfaithful to Bulma but no man, That's what future Bulma told him but is more likely that it was her the one that left him for Vegeta that day, way before Trunks arrived. Even on Namek she already was over him, thinking of Goku and how she lost her train with him, then with Zarbon, and finally Vegeta (she also had a picture of Yamcha in her little camp in Namek full of darts to his face, so...). Yamcha never really had Bulma, and he didn't do much to get her back either or change. Truth is Bulma is the crazy one). And then when Frieza arrives to Earth Bulma arrives at the scene too and explains that since she couldn't see Frieza in Namek she wanted to see him here to see how strong he really was, and Vegeta says "not only she's rude but aggressive/daring too..." In this very soft thoughtful tone and talking to himself, like... C'mon dude! Accept that you like her!

And then then! when everyone is going towards Frieza's ship, Bulma is the one who yells "Wait, Vegeta! take me with you! Remember who hosts you!" (is that how you say it? dar alguien hospedaje?). Yamcha is completely out of her picture.

We see the next time the most obvious episode where the love tones are more present, Vegeta's training montage after the news of the androids, and his accident with the gravity chamber, but by then it was just confirmation of all the signs from before. So when we see Bulma with baby Trunks it doesn't really come out of nowhere and you understand how and why.

While I find Super's tsundere Vegeta in some instances fun to watch, more with him and Goku to be honest, but I don't think Z Vegeta was taking it in such a juvenile way, he's more adult and mature still about the situation, as mature as someone calling a girl "woman" to assert dominance that is. The flirting "dance" towards their sexual encounter is more silent and elegant, just like two adults would do so. He wants to get closer but the only thing the dude has known his entire life is fighting and being on offense mode all the time while at the same time having to hide. Their dynamic is quite interesting and quite amazing, not for nothing they are considered to be one of if not the best couple in anime, and trying to unravel how it all started is really fun.

But yeah, As I see it and if we could compare Vegeta's sexuality to something from real life he, as most saiyans, was probably demi-sexual (yay), since it's said that Saiyan's don't understand romance and they likely only had sex to reproduce. They didn't had the concept of family outside of the royal family. And that's why also Vegeta is one of the few saiyans that later could develop an understanding of family and being in a relationship in a way other saiyans don't, including Goku.

So yeah, that's my terminally online post of the day. Nothing but Dragon ball and Vegeta on my mind lately.

I would like to get into analyzing Goku and Vegeta's sexuality soon too. It's so interesting as well because is not traditional.

[bicmason]

Alphabet NSFW — Simon "Ghost" Riley.

★ Synopsis: An alphabetical list of Simon's sex life with Reader!

★ Warnings: fem!reader, swearing, Mentions of abuse/rape, some kinks, not reviewed, NSFW (yk yk).

A = Cuidados posteriores (como são depois do sexo)

– He hugs you, sighing and smiling at you.

> "It was good, right? I hope I didn't hurt you too much..."

– He says many things in your ear, caressing your skin before getting up.

> "Shall we take a shower? Or would you prefer to stay in bed a little longer?"

– Normally, he prefers for you to take a shower, but if you ask him with that smile of yours that melts his heart, he will stay in bed, just cuddling and resting in each other's presence.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

– I think Simon is a breast man. Whether they are small or big, he loves your breasts. He loves to suck them, make them dirty, and then rest on them. It has a good meaning for him. He feels good and comfortable.

– And for him, he likes his voice. He loves how whispering some dirty things in your ear makes you want to fuck him right then and there. The way that when he comes up behind you, whispering how beautiful you look today and every day, you grunt softly, looking at him with doe eyes without him even touching you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

– This man loves cumming on your breasts! please let him do this.

> "Your breasts look so beautiful with my cum on them..." He says in his arrogant voice, spreading his cum on your nipples right before sucking on them.

– And also, inside you. God, the sight of you in a post-orgasm mess, with his cum leaking out of you? This man is ready to fuck you again!! :(

– He has the feeling and certainty that you are his, his to fill and fuck until you get tired, and after that, you are his also to love and be able to trust.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

– As much as he hates showing many things to you in public, his mind has wandered once or twice to the idea of fucking you in front of people. Of course, in a place that is not commonly seen, but soldiers definitely pass by there.

– The idea wandered into his mind, but he quickly brushed them aside, after all you are his, and only his, he doesn't want to share the sight of your beautiful body with the guys.

– As a bonus, he also took a pair of your panties to the missions. He loves masturbating to them, since he doesn't have your touch, at least something with your smell.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

– He is experienced, just not very experienced. He knows he's going to slam his heavy balls against your ass until he cums, but what about you? He doesn't know what to do here.

– You'd have to teach him a thing or two, since he's never really been interested in making a woman come, but now you're HIS woman. He NEEDS you to scream his name as he makes you cum.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

– A classic, missionary. He loves seeing your face as he cums. It simply makes him want to go deeper into you.

> “Fuckk, you look so beautiful rolling your eyes, baby...” He murmurs above you, smiling before burying his face in the crook of your neck as he moans and grunts, sinking deeper into you.

– God, he loves fucking you in front of a mirror. He wants you to sit on him, he will hold your thighs from behind and lift you up, watching his dick move in and out of your tight pussy. You lean back into his chest as he lifts you up so easily, kissing your neck from behind as he tells you to keep watching his cock sink into you. Damn, Simon would easily come in that position.

> "Oh fuckkk- yeah, watch your greedy pussy swallow my cock... keep your eyes open, baby." He murmurs, positioning himself behind you, not letting you lean back.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

– He's not too serious. If something funny happens, or you start to smile at something silly that happened there, he will smile back.

> After hearing the funny sound your pussy made as he sank into you, you laughed softly, earning a smile from him before he pulled out his dick and slammed it back inside you, drawing a loud moan from your throat. "I think this sound is better, my love"

– But still, he's not making jokes.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

– He has a happy trail. It's trimmed, but still visible because he knows when you like it.

– Generally, always well trimmed. And yes, the rugs match the curtains.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

– As I said before, he never worried about making a woman come, not before he met you.

– Simply, when you came the first time while he continued fucking you, he took it to another level.

– He considers it too intimate. The idea that you, his lover, who he loves so much, is there feeling the same pleasure as him is overwhelming his little heart :((

– He also wouldn’t have sex with you so quickly at the beginning of the relationship. It would take a few months for him to feel like he can trust you, to know that you won't touch him just for fun, but because you love him too.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

– He has masturbated countless times on missions, always moaning and whimpering your name, missing you, your touch.

– If you ask, he will love to masturbate in front of you. He likes to see your bright eyes when he moans your name, fist shaking, knowing how wet you are.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

– Domination. He loves to dominate you there, being your Top while watching your beautifully crying face as he fucks you so good, knowing he is going to ruin you.

– He’s a Switch too by the way. He loves being on top of you, dominating you, but he also loves being your good boy, rocking his hips up while you tease his dick with your cute hand :((

– Praise/worship. He just loves praising you. Making you feel special while honestly treating you like a slut for nothing more than fucking you hard. But, it can also be gentle. This man is just very smart at knowing what you prefer, whether you want him to be rough or passionate.

– Dacryphilia. Sorry, but he likes it. Not in the sense that you are forced, or that he is excited to see you cry over sad things. He just likes the idea that you're crying for something good. Whether it was because he fucked you so well, or because of a gift he gave you and you were very moved :((

– Call you mommy. It happened once, he said it so quietly that you almost didn't hear it. He feels so good with you, it's almost the comfort of a mother for him :((

> "Hell— yes mommy, take my dick, um? Let me make you feel good on my dick, let me fuck you so hard..."

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

– He's a homebody - probably his room, or in the living room? Or in the bathroom? Or better yet, anywhere at home? He is in.

– Also, if you go out to some very isolated place - some beach where you are far enough away from people - he will be fucking you there.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

– So he needs your touch. The sight of you could motivate him a lot. Just the sight of your ass in those tight pants could make him want to stroke his dick right now, in front of everyone :(

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

– Any type of Kink involving CNC/abuse/rape. He can't, just the mention of it makes his stomach turn.

– Also, foodplay. He's disgusted by it, he just isn't.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

– He's so good with his fingers. God. Just imagine him with the mask halfway down his face, just his mouth uncovered as he gives you the best oral you could ever have. This man will make you roll your eyes so much that you almost think they wouldn't come back again.

– Or him giving you kisses, from your waist to your clitoris, licking and sucking so greedily, sticking his fingers deep inside you while making the most beautiful sounds you could hear when he feels you squeezing his fingers and cumming on his tongue, your body writhing above him, making you so beautiful and tearful for any touch. ^^

– Or better yet, be his queen and sit on your throne (his face). God, he's going to suck you, lick you, his hands holding your hips in place as he sticks his tongue so deliciously into your pussy while his nose brushes and rubs your sensitive clit.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

– As I said, he is smart at knowing what you want. Do you want affection and being held while you hear whispers of how good you are for him, taking his big dick so well? He will do it. Do you want to be fucked like the good whore you are for him, making you drool and tremble while you cum for the 4th time on his dick? Oh yes he will love doing this.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

– He's kind of a middle-of-the-road guy with this, mainly because it usually involves being in public. If it's really necessary, he's fine with making you roll your eyes in a random bathroom.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

– Nah, he doesn’t like risks. He prefers the comfort and secrecy of his home. But, as I said above, if necessary…

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

– He goes as many rounds as you want, but he himself wouldn't like much more than 2 or 3 rounds. They are long, however. He prefers to make you cum before sinking himself inside your tight pussy :((

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

– He may have one or two toys, but all of them to use on you. Maybe one day you're off work and everyone in the barracks will go out drinking. Unfortunately for you, Simon was a little irritated, and you suffered with the vibrator in your pussy, constantly increasing the speed.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

– He’s not very provocative, really. He may caress you or whisper something in your ear innocently, but he doesn't do it to tease you, he just really enjoys touching you and praising you in the comfort of your home.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

– He will grunt, moan, whisper praises to you, but it's all against your skin. He moans lowly, but it's still moans that make you so wet-

> "Oh God- fuck, you- so tight... keep being a good girl, hm? take my cock..."

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

– Once you were in a kiss so hot that you didn't even realize where you were going. When he went to release you onto the bed, he ended up placing you too far on the edge, which made you almost fall to the floor. You laughed and he fucking bred you <3

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

– Simon has the vibe of a dick that’s not too big but really thick!

– With 6.5 in size and 7 in width, God, it satisfies you a lot.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

– It's not as tall as you might expect it to be. He will want to fuck you all the time, yes, if you take the initiative. Otherwise, only when he really needs you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

– He doesn't sleep so quickly, preferring to stay on guard, watching you sleep. Or else the two of you would stay talking until he finally got sleepy, sleeping cuddled together, with his face buried in your breasts <3

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

The Fight: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: After a weird encounter with your parents and friends, you try to get to the bottom of it even if you don't like the answer.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

"I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa

"Anything on your mind?" Melissa asks when you're in your morning session.

"Something weird happened on Friday with my parents." It's Monday so you haven't been to work to ask the girls about it. "I don't think my friends like my parents."

"Why do you say that?"

"Okay, so, my friends agreed to come with me and meet them even though they couldn't stay long. I'd have my boyfriend there but he and my dad don't exactly get along. When they met my friends, I immediately felt uncomfortable. It was coming from them like they didn't feel comfortable around them. My parents were super nice so I'm not sure why they felt like that. They even lied to them about why they had to leave so suddenly."

"Did you ask them about it?"

"I didn't want to embarrass them. I'll ask them when I go to work today."

"Why doesn't Spencer like your dad?"

You sigh and shift in your seat. 

"He thinks they're criminals." You see the look on her face and immediately explain. "Not like that. I guess I mean that he thinks they have ulterior motives. They're foster parents and have always been foster parents. Spencer thinks they're doing something dangerous on the side. I don't know. I don't want to talk to him about that."

"Why is that?"

"I guess I don't want to see my parents being anything other than my parents. They're loving, of course, but they can be scary. My dad, mostly."

"Do you fear them?"

"I never did and never have. My dad has scary qualities, for sure, but I never thought my life was in danger because of them. He's a very stressed man. He has young kids to take care of on top of his job."

"What does he do?"

"He's an independent contractor. He gets odd jobs here and there but it's enough to pay the bills, and it allows my mom to stay at home with the kids."

"Well, if nothing is wrong, then maybe you're allowing that fear you had from prison to project onto your friends and family."

"Yeah, maybe," you sigh.

"Speaking of, how are you feeling about prison?"

"I feel like a weight has been lifted from my chest. Remember that friend I told you about? The one that was falsely accused? I got her released. I worked with my team on a case that just so happened to be hers. We gathered evidence that got her released."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Like my old self again," you smile sheepishly.

"How is the IRT coming along?"

"Believe it or not, I'm not having nightmares as much as before. The only nightmares are mainly about the rape and the birth."

"That's to be expected coming from such a young age. Trauma like that doesn't go away overnight."

"Apparently, it doesn't go away after sixteen years either."

Melissa closes her notebook with a smile.

"I do have to say, I'm impressed with your progress. You look better."

"I feel better," you smile.

After your session, you head straight to the airport where the jet is waiting. Hotch got in contact with an old friend with a case in San Francisco. The Red Cell as they like to call themselves are a group of FBI agents, and they've been tracking a case that is three years old. Two years ago, a dead man turned up in Presidio Park with a massive amount of blunt-force trauma, defensive wounds, and a single gunshot wound to the back of the head. Over the next three days after that, three more victims with the same MO turned up. After that, nothing.

Until a year ago when the exact same thing happened--one dead male, badly beaten, and shot execution style. Three more dead men followed that three days after. Nothing happened after that until last night when another body turned up in the exact same style as the others which means the Red Cell has three days to find the unsub before he's lost for an entire year.

The leader of the Red Cell, Sam Cooper, thinks there are parallel murders linked to the cases. Two years ago after the murders stopped, a single dad and his fifteen-year-old brunette daughter were found dead in their car. Last year after the murders stopped, another dad and his daughter were found dead.

Hotch doesn't think both cases are related but Sam does. He'd like for your team to work the bodies in Presidio Park while the Red Cell works the theory on the fathers and daughters. If Sam is right then one half of the case solves the other half. The only thing is that Sam asked Strauss about doing this and she said no, but that doesn't mean he is going to listen to her. If he's wrong about this and the two cases aren't connected, then Strauss will have his ass and his job.

Still, Sam is dead set on figuring this out with or without Hotch's help. Luckily, Hotch has never been a fan of how Strauss handles things which is why you went straight to the plane instead of back to the office after your morning session.

"What do we know about the past years' victims?" Rossi asks.

"The Tenderloin District has a high concentration of drug addicts and homeless people. All the victims have been transients," Spencer says.

"So, this unsub is choosing easy targets that won't be missed. He's not concerned with the challenge of the hunt. All these victims are part of a larger plan which he executes in the same few days every year."

"Reid, did you find any significance to the dates?" Hotch asks.

"Nothing historical. It's gotta be personal for the unsub."

"JJ, you and Reid hit the San Francisco PD. Rossi, Y/N, and Prentiss go to the dump site. Morgan and I will go to the coroner's office. Nobody should expect to get a lot of sleep for the next three days."

"What about Cooper's team? You said he had a theory," Rossi says.

"He believes that whoever is murdering these homeless men is also abducting fathers and daughters and killing them once the transients are disposed of."

"Why isn't his team on the jet now?" Emily asks.

"Because the director wouldn't authorize them to join the investigation."

"They're working against the director's orders?"

"Let's not focus on that. We need to concentrate on the dead men abducted from the Tenderloin. Cooper's team can help determine if there's a missing father and daughter, and whether it's connected to our case."

"Or you could get in serious hot water if the director thinks you're helping to defy her," Emily says.

"No, Hotch is right," Rossi says. "I've known Sam Cooper for twenty years, and I've never seen him defy an order. If he feels this strongly about a hunch, we need to help him however we can."

So, how do you conjure victims of a crime that might not have been committed out of thin air in a major American city? San Francisco has a population of eight hundred thousand people with half of them males. Forty-five percent of the population is white so that leaves about three hundred and sixty thousand people. If the team searches for girls from thirteen to eighteen, narrows it some more to brunettes, and narrows that down to their fathers who haven't shown up to work, then maybe the Red Cell might be able to find the missing family before they are killed.

All the dump sites including the most recent murder have been scoped out by you, Rossi, and Prentiss. Every single dump site has been isolated like the unsub avoids the main paths and never dumps them in lightened areas. In order to get the best location, he'd have to study the terrain beforehand which means he's organized and physical enough to haul a body on his own. Every victim was living on the streets so there were no witnesses when he grabbed them. Your guess is that he managed to lure them with the promise of food or drugs. None of them were reported missing which makes it harder to figure out who might be next.

The most recent victim was found at Presidio Park. The ME determined that if he hadn't been shot in the head, then he would have died from internal bleeding. Not only was the victim shot, but there is powder residue in his skull which means he had to have been subdued when he was shot. It doesn't make sense. He got abducted off the streets quietly enough that there were no witnesses, but then he fights for his life only for the unsub to shoot him execution style. What the hell is he doing with these men?

The Red Cell looked into potential missing girls and talked to over two hundred middle schools. There have been a lot of absent girls but not a lot of absent fathers. Those who were absent were cross-referenced with their yearbook photos to see who were brunettes. They came up with a young girl named Jane McBride who is fourteen. She didn't show up for school yesterday or this morning, and her dad, Ben, hasn't been at his contracting company for the last two days.

You, Hotch, and Sam head over to Jane's mother's house to talk to her. They might not be the couple you're looking for but it's as good a start as any. Hotch parks and all three of you get out of the car. You walk across the street and stop in front of Sarah McBride's house, knocking on her door.

"Mrs. Mcbride? I'm Agent Hotchner with the FBI. This is Agent Cooper and Agent Y/N. We're here to determine whether your husband and your daughter are missing."

"Don't," she gasps. You can feel the panic come off her in waves. "Just get inside, please. Hurry." All three of you rush inside with her permission. She closes the door and leans against it with a pained look on her face. "Oh, God."

"Sarah?" you ask.

"You just got my family murdered."

"What do you mean?"

She pushes off the door and walks to the living room where her TV is. She puts a disc into the DVD player and turns it on. On the screen is the first victim tied to a chair. He is struggling against the binds but nothing will protect him against the gun in the frame. The unsub is holding it but he doesn't give any indication of who he is. He shoots the victim in the head and Sarah looks away from the video painfully.

"That's the first victim from the park," Hotch mumbles.

"The man on the phone said he'd kill Ben and Jane if I brought in the police. He said that if I needed proof, I should check my front porch. When I did, this was there."

"Oh, he's careful. There's nothing to distinguish him or his location," Sam says.

He walks over to the DVD player and removes the disc with a tissue to avoid his fingerprints on it.

"Were there any other instructions?"

"No. He said he'd call with more. Do you think he's watching? I mean, is he going to kill them?"

"The video was shot by a camera on a tripod which means he probably doesn't have a partner. It would be almost impossible for him to take your family prisoner and do surveillance simultaneously."

"He's done this before?" You nod silently. "Why didn't someone come forward after to say what happened?"

"He doesn't leave anybody with knowledge alive. We'll post an agent here to keep you safe. Can you excuse us for a moment?" You, Hotch, and Sam leave her house to talk on the street. "Cooper, listen. Your theory's right. We know he's killing homeless men as well as fathers and daughters, but let us work it. If you go back to DC now, the director won't know that you ignored her order."

"Look, I know you're sticking your neck out on this thing for me. I understand. I don't... I'm not trying to..."

"This isn't about me. I want to protect you."

Sam takes out his wallet and pulls a picture from it.

"Do you remember him?"

"Holby Holme. Of course."

"Do you remember we got that confession for those five child murders? We all had that gut feeling. We knew he wasn't good for all of them. The preference was too varied. Local cops shut the investigation down. The FBI told us to get our asses back home."

"I remember," Hotch nods.

"Where were you when you heard they caught that second killer dumping this boy's body?"

"I was in Denver working a new case. You?"

"I wasn't on anything yet. I could have still been there. I won't ignore my gut again. I don't care what it costs me."

Hotch sighs. "Okay. My people will be on the record, and we'll use yours to double manpower."

Sam steps off to the side for a quick breather, and you tap Hotch's shoulder shyly. You've been wanting to say this to him for a while now and this is your opportunity to do so.

"Listen, Hotch, I just want to say I'm sorry for how I've been these past few months. I wasn't in my right mind but that's no excuse. I turned my back on people I needed and shut them out when they tried to help. You were one of them. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. You were going through something traumatic. It's okay."

"No, it isn't. I'm going to do better and be better for this team. I'll prove to you that I'm not going to let you down."

"I have no doubts," he smiles. It's amazing how much of a support system you have here with your team. Hotch is understanding when he needs to be and that means more to you than he realizes. His phone rings and he answers it. "Hotchner. ... Where? ... Okay." He hangs up. "They found another body." He turns to you. "Prentiss and Agent Rawson are already on it. Join them."

"Okay," you nod.

x

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[distort-opia]

you know i often see people throwing around the claim "joker r*ped/sa'd barbara in tkj" (mainly to shame people for liking the joker or batjokes) even though alan moore has dedunked it at some point. like the only piece of media i can think of with joker as a rapist is the azzarello graphic novel which is shit and doesn't need to be accepted as canon. i know it's kinda of a touchy subject but i'd be interested to hear your thoughts

Well. You've pretty much said it, to be honest.

Even a cursory Google search will reveal that Azzarello's Joker (2008) is a one-off, non-canon story. The just as much stand-alone sequel, Batman: Damned has a grieving Harley Quinn almost force herself on Bruce, and yet I haven't heard people say Harley is a rapist. Hell, didn't Batman and Harley Quinn (2017) have Harley and Nightwing sleep together... with pretty dubious consent on Dick's side? And yet fans are able to acknowledge that these are not canon storylines and that the writer matters a lot-- in the case of the latter, it's co-written by Bruce Timm, who is infamous for his shitty portrayal of female characters (also see the animation Batman: The Killing Joke, in which Barbara very assertively has sex with Batman, because that's of course the only way a woman can exercise power). Actually, Barbara's character has suffered so much... there's even Batman Beyond 2.0 #28, in which Bruce apparently got Barbara pregnant, Dick's girlfriend at the time.

But we all dismiss these storytelling choices because we know they're idiotic. They go against the core of the characters, simple as that. Why is Joker not allowed the same? While what he canonically did to Barbara in TKJ was horrible, rape did not happen, and that's a fact. Any other implications of sexual assault can only be connected to Frank Miller's writing in the TDKR series (not canon), or that horrible (and again, not canon) book adaptation of TKJ by Christa Faust and Gary Phillips. Unfortunately, there are always some writers who think that it's just darker and grittier and cooler, more shocking to have Joker attempt rape or resort to sexual means of intimidation; though it's funny how it happens that these are also generally controversial writers for their sexist depictions of women.

But we do know why Joker is not afforded the same kind of treatment as other characters who got butchered by out-of-character stories, canon or otherwise. He's become the punching bag of the DC fandom; it's so easy to proclaim loud and proud these days how much you hate the Joker and want him dead. If you're an anti and looking to feel morally righteous and signal to your echo chamber how good and pure you are, it's a low hanging fruit to latch onto Joker and criticize him for all he's done. The problem, of course, is when these people start attacking actual, real-life fans over their fictional preferences, shipping or otherwise.

But to give a more general conclusion, and my actual opinion on the matter: Joker is a master manipulator. His main schtick is literally getting Batman to kill him by orchestrating all manner of situations; he manipulates his doctors, his henchmen, he manipulates Gotham itself through the media on countless occasions. The very reason why he did what he did to Barbara in TKJ was to manipulate her father into having a mental breakdown. Joker picks people to break and then breaks them psychologically, that is his MO. What he wants is to expose the people around him, he wants to show that deep down, everyone is rotten.

It probably becomes obvious why rape is inconsistent with this mindset. Joker isn't the kind of monster to make things happen by brute force, he's the kind of monster to manipulate people into the worst versions of themselves and then laugh at them as they hate themselves for it. He'll murder and torture and imply any manner of atrocity to make that happen, but the source of his glee is seeing people fall into the same dark pit, devoid of humanity, he's chosen to live in. (And don't even get me started on the fact that Joker was canonically shown to have been a victim of sexual assault himself as a child, in Batman: Streets of Gotham. As an adult, he's depicted as gruesomely taking revenge on the man who did it. Something tells me there's more than one reason why Joker would not resort to rape, and it goes beyond MOs or agendas.)

[weedle-testaburger]

before i forget them, i feel like documenting The Dumbest Things In Joker 2 (imho)

the arkham guards whistle when the saints go marching in during the first couple of scenes, so why do the inmates adopt it as an anthem rather than any of the songs arthur and lee were singing?

speaking of lee, a) why do they insist on calling her that instead of harley or harleen and b) it was dumb af that they made her an inmate at arkham instead of a psychotherapist there

i can't believe suicide squad (2016) genuinely gets more right about the joker and harley's relationship than this did. i mean ffs arthur says he can't live without harley, the joker sees her as disposable

the musical numbers are a basically random mix of actually happening and in arthur's head and they're the exact same level of absurd

harvey dent's case for the prosecution is that arthur is sane and should be executed. he has an entire lifetime of psychiatric disturbances and your argument hinges on trying to prove he doesn't have did specifically, there's plenty of other mental health conditions that could make him unable to understand his actions

also arthur is interred in arkham asylum FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE, it's in the name harvey!

arthur does a tv interview with this prominent journalist where he snaps at arthur and arthur launches into a musical number. if he was just throwing larry king snark at arthur it'd be a bit far-fetched but as is it's just absurd

the jury are insanely ott. they literally cheer arthur when he fires his lawyer in the middle of the case (which is, you know, also absurd) and they never address why the fuck the judge didn't call a mistrial, they just say he reluctantly went with it

once he returns to court as joker, he basically pulls the chewbacca defence about a decade early. as i joked to my friend after the movie, 'if the personality don't fit, you must acquit'

you know that infamous interview where zack snyder said 'if i directed a batman movie i'd have him get raped in prison'? they literally did that. how did the last 15 years of everyone dunking on snyder for being an idiotic edgelord in that interview not get through to you people

this forms a big part of the catalyst for arthur deciding to abandon the joker persona and admit his guilt. which kinda implies the arkham guards helped bring him to justice by doing it? i may generally hate when media incorporates rape but at least writers usually know to depict it as a bad thing

while the verdict is read out, arthur's laughing tic starts up and someone from the jury jumps up and tackles him. WHAT FUCKING JURY WOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO DO THAT EVER

after the car bomb they have a shot of harvey dent showing one side of his face got scarred because of course they had to indicate he'll be two-face even though we know they're never doing a sequel to this trash

arthur literally survives the courthouse being bombed by his supporters and somehow isn't sent straight to the electric chair after he gets recaptured despite being found guilty on all charges

instead, they send him back to arkham and have one of the other inmates he's been friends with stab him (with a reprise of the 'get what you fucking deserve' thing) and kill him like that

i think the implication is arthur fleck is basically like jerome and jeremiah valeska from gotham where he's meant to be an inspiration to the eventual Real Joker. and in that case where the fuck does that leave harley?

[dojae-huh]

Uncertainty

The brain (psyche) doesn't like to deal with uncertainty. Therefore, it has propensity to look for, invent, believe in all kinds of "answers" to make it "certain'', to mark the case as "everything is clear, I know the truth".

For the same reason, not liking the uncertainty, the brain labels topics as "understood" without actually understanding the subject. People tend to think they are smarter than they are, or that they can have a valid opinion on everything. "What is here to talk about?.."

You can see how many rumours are currently floating on X surrounding Taeil's crimes, how people are ready to think the worst about his personality, paint the blackest scenarios. It is this process of inventing answers or latching on explanations that look believable/attractive. Plus it helps to make everything black and white, to label Taeil as total scum and make the parting with him easier. Make the severence quickly, leave the turmoil of emotions behind, settle in a new world of ot8.

Right now we know only these facts: 1) Taeil is accused of a criminal act of sexual nature, 2) the victim is an adult woman, the details of the case are kept secret to protect her identity and to not affect the integrity of the investigation, 3) Taeil didn't run away, he is cooperating with the police, he wasn't arrested, 4) Taeil is no more a part of NCT, the group consists of 25 members now.

Everything else is speculation. What type of crimes he commited (assault, solicitation, harassment, blackmail), in what state (sober or drunk), for how long, was it the first victim or there were others, etc. - we don't know.

Some can say: "It doesn't matter! A scum is a scum!". It does matter. There is a difference between a crime commited in a drunken state for the first time and a long-lasting, well concealed double-life. The severity and exact kind of the crime matters, as well. As it reflects on Taeil's relationship with the members (were they lied to their whole life, or Taeil has changed for the worse only recently; was he genuine with his love for the members or pretended; what do they feel: betrayal and disgust or dissapointment) and his legacy (is it possible to watch the old content with him, is it possible to listen to the songs with him), as well as self-doubt (was he twofaced this whole time? Am I that bad at judging people, can I trust any idol? Can I trust my bias?).

To resume. Of course you want answers and you want closure. However, the case has just started. There is high chance we will never know the full truth. At least for some time, you will have to accept the uncertainty about Taeil. It's OK to just focus on other members and continue with NCT for now and leave the case on the shelf for another time. Distance oneself. To unpack and process later, when there is more information, or when you yourself will be in a calm state, not being bombarded by the rumours, speculations and hurt from the fandom.

The police is investigating. The victim's claim wasn't dismissed and ignored. Taeil wasn't arrested after a two-month gathering of evidence, so we, at least, can know it wasn't rape and the woman's life wasn't in a direct danger. Taeil is not considered as someone dangerous or who can run away. The police also isn't trying to earn brownie points with this case with the public (make a show out of it). Which also hints at the case not being fit to make an example out of it (I mean the new n-room).

Granted, new evidence may emerge, new victims appear. However, this possibility is a part of "uncertainty". Any scenarios, bad or good, won't help to change that, won't make one version of Taeil or another more real.

Lastly. My brain is also producing ideas, of course, heh. So if you are curious at my take, it's under the cut. Just remember, it is an educated guess, nothing more. Another assumption in the sea of uncertainty.

You know I protected Lucas. And I still believe he didn't deserve what happened to him, and that he has the right for an attempt at his solo career. Yes, many of you vehemently disagree with me. I was never a Lucas' fan, however, the character profile I formed of him and what he was accused of didn't match for me. And we all form opinions based on our own judgement.

In the same way, based on Taeil's relationship with other members I've observed, his reactions, I don't think he led a double life (an idol and a criminal) and outright lied to the members, that he is capable of intentional prolonged deceiving.

And yet, yes, I can imagine him to be a mysoginist (the way Korean men usually are), having a weak moral compass, commiting sexual crimes (the kind I listed earlier: assault, solicitation, harassment, blackmail) and acting like nothing has happened (dissociating or not perceiving what he had done as something serious).

I'm not a psychiatrist, I can't make a diagnosis, don't blindly believe me, however, I do suspect Taeil is neurodivergent. And that his reactions in certain situations can be abnormal or fall under "criminal".

From what I've seen, Taeil often doesn't understand what is really being said to him or ignores it. Nuanced meaning flies over his head (hints, sarcasm). He tends to hyperfixate on things (playing pool the whole night in a foreign city instead of sightseeing, investigating all ways of cooking meat). He feels more comfortable in the company of younger members than being a hyung, making decisions, taking responsibility, acting as an adult. He tends to get lightly agitated quickly. He always insists he is right or something wasn't his fault (I'm not the weakest drinker!).

As I don't know the particulars of the crime, I won't speculate further. And I'm not making excuses for Taeil, just believe his case maybe a bit more nuanced than usual. The police is investigating, and the court will determine the punishment. Part of it Taeil has received already in losing his place in NCT, and his soloist career.

[izzyspussy]

may or may not be putting this in tatg (& if i don't maybe i'll make it its own fic) but like. and i know other people have mentioned this, right, about how when one parent is abusive there's no realistic way for the other parent relationship to be all hunky dory or whatever.

and the way jamie talked about her in season one, the way his childhood bedroom is as-was and there's such an abundance of publicity-looking photos on that shrine as compared to personal photos which are all kid photos, etc. we can - if we choose to - assume that there was at least some kind of in between period where jamie and his mom were not as close.

and idk i'm just thinking about the specifics of that in between period and how they both felt about it / their motivations / etc, and how we can also assume - if we choose to - that georgie pretty much knows What Happened wrt james. i mean there's equally as much room to interpret it as jamie didn't tell her exactly what happened in amsterdam specifically but she could tell he didn't have a good time and took him back, or maybe he did tell her exactly what happened and she took him back for the same reason of like overwriting the memory or whatever. like those two are equally canon-supported takes imo.

and tbh i don't think either one of those is more likely than the other, but personally i think the way the vibes feel to me, i err toward the latter. because when jamie told roy he seemed to know like okay this isn't a good experience but it's not that bad and assumed roy thought the prostitute would have had a worse time somehow. so from that we can maybe assume - if we choose to - that he wouldn't really know to hide it from georgie (of course on the other end, we could assume instead he would have felt the feelings without thinking about them and hid because of that even without knowing, but that's not what i'm assuming rn). but we can ALSO assume that since jamie so automatically didn't think roy was talking about him when he said "traumatizing" then.... georgie wouldn't have said as much when he told her.

and like. okay. so maybe she thought if she said the big scary words, if she said "traumatized" if she said "abuse" if she said "rape" that would make it worse. maybe she thought she needed to not make a big deal about it, right, to protect jamie, to not make him even more upset. i know that this is something that people think when faced with this, especially with kids.

but i also know. most of the time. in my experience. that is not the right choice at all. it seems right, and the people doing it absolutely are doing what they think is best and honestly there's not ever going to be much of a "best practice" for this because everyone is affected differently, etc. but in my experience. it's the wrong thing to do.

and it's also kind of a known phenomenon that people don't want to admit their parents were wrong or to hold things against them, especially when they have an understanding that the parent in question was going through their own struggles or surviving their own traumas at the time. buuuuut. not wanting to feel a certain way doesn't actually make you not feel that way. and additionally, not know why you feel a certain way doesn't make you not feel that way. in fact, even not realizing you feel a certain way at all doesn't make you not feel it either!

so. i think jamie was probably really upset with georgie for never saying it. for just trying to help jamie through it by moving past it, instead of ever facing it directly and calling it what it was and impressing upon him how serious it was, how wrong. (and he was also angry about this wrt to teachers, doctors, coaches, etc etc. not ted, even tho it's the same and he should have been, because it was in a pretty messed up spot when ted didn't step in, when he didn't step in again, when he later suggested more of the same just moving right along, and he maybe couldn't feel angry at ted right then whether knowing why or not, these things are sooo complicated, but later probably! later, he might be angry enough to call ted up in america and say hey man. i need to say my piece about this actually.)

and all that shit was true for him - that he didn't realize he felt that way, and if he did he wouldn't know why, and if he did he wouldn't want to - until he got to a better enough and stable enough place that he could work through all that and then have a conflict about it.

but anyway, yeah! so that's part of the reason why they were maybe not totally estranged but definitely strained in season one, maybe for a lot of season two, and however long before canon. (i think i'm headcanoning here that they started rebuilding/healing their relationship around the christmas episode, though i don't remember exactly where that falls in the timeline other than "before wembley".)

and then on the other side! georgie would probably - despite all efforts, and knowing she was being irrational, and knowing it wasn't jamie's fault - would feel a little bit sort of something similar about jamie being ""close"" with james in immediately pre-season one times. like because, he's her son, she loves him so much, and he's supposed to love her too, and he's like hanging out with her abuser. his own abuser too, yes, but! again, feelings don't care about sense. and like, she was never really angry with him, she was never actually disappointed in him like he thought she would be, but there would be this sort of background bitterness that he was (seemingly) choosing to spend time with james and change his behavior to suit him.

it's a really complicated, excessively shitty situation!

but yeah i think probably they never really talk about or even really need to talk about georgie's side of things of feeling shitty about jamie choosing to be around james, because that's totally not his fault and he was suffering for it anyway, and imo that's just one of those "your kids will hurt your feeling sometimes" facts of parenthood type of things. it would simply... pass.

but either in very late canon off-screen, or else post-canon, they absolutely do have to talk about it and let jamie get out that she did him wrong by not saying those words and making a suitably big deal over It All. and like of course he's aware she did what she thought was best and there's no real way she could have known how that would affect him or not, but it is something he has a right to be upset about and have addressed.

anyway all that to say. that's why he's not calling her about his nightmares in tatg. (and also this is at least preeeetttyyy close to my actual canon interpretation of their relationship and why it is the way it is and why it isn't the way it isn't.)

[rulerzreachf4n7]

This has been on my mind recently and I just can't get it off soooo yeah

Just know I am not defending/supporting any of the actions of any characters I mention, I'm just some random ass teenager who's confused as hell so if I get something wrong PLEASE TELL ME!!!

Also trigger warning for sensitive subjects while reading since it's too much to list

So y'all know Valentino from Hazbin? Y'all know that vivzipop sold merch of him (supposedly, I'm not sure what type of merch it was) and basically people got mad cause of course Valentino is a villain and if you're an evil character it makes it automatically bad to make merchandise of you...and since he's done TERRIBLE THINGS, it makes it even worse

On one hand I agree but on the other I don't

You are allowed to like villain characters, no one is stopping you but yourself, I personally don't like Valentino but if you do then shit, who tf is gonna stop you? But it's only problematic if you support their actions, remember, you can like a character without supporting what bad things they've done, you can like a villain character for their design/looks/literally anything but their bad actions (just like me with Belos from TOH!)

And y'all know Belos from The Owl House? Half of the fandom loves him, the rest doesn't, how come when I see merch of him, whether it be plushies, or pins, or A FUCKING BODY PILLOW (yes that actually exists) no one goes "WHY ARE YOU MAKING MERCH OF BELOS DO YOU KNOW WHAT BAD STUFF HE'S DONE???? 🤬"

I know it might be a weird comparison with Val and Belos since I literally know no other fandom I've been that likes (one of the main) villains, and yes, I have seen people like Valentino before (just for his design y'all dw)

And for any of y'all wondering what their crimes are I'm not sure they're all 100℅ accurate I might've left some out for Valentino but for Belos it's just wayy too many for me for list (and I like forgot most of his crimes and I'm making this on a school night💀) but it's just what I've gathered

Valentino: trafficking, rape, sexual assault, abuse

Belos: attempted genocide, committed fratricide, murdered grimwalkers (which where at the tweens-teens ages), child abuse, abuse, and too much more that I remember/can list

It's just lowkey kinda weird to me cause, can't we just like characters and make merch? Honestly it was pretty tasteless that vivzipop made merch of val in the first place cause...who tf is gonna buy that?? And second as of recent literally no one is buying her merch so MAJOR L to viv hehe, and if you're gonna make merch of villains maybe not in the form of a shirt? (I'm not 100℅ sure if it was a shirt but that's just what I've heard) I mean, a plushie or pin would be nice but who tf is gonna be walkin around on the streets with a damn Valentino shirt...? No one 💀

(And I know it's weird I'm using Belos as an example but I've see some Toh/HH fans who just so happen to like Belos and I literally know no other fandom other fandom who likes the main villain or one of the side ones who don't get redeemed so yeah just wanted to clear that up)

(Edit, yeah uhm I might know ONE FANDOM that likes the villain...William Afton...thank you to that person who commented idk how I didn't think of William Afton as a villain people like...)

And of course I'm not saying you can't make merch of villains so sorry if it looks like I was intending that hadn't notice until of course the commenter pointed that out lol

[wrinkly-fucking-qtip]

I AM TOO DEEP IN MY GALLAVICH BRAINCELL MAKE IT STOP.

Gallavich x It's Thunder And It's Lightning

So this song actually airs in 1x08 when Mick comes back home, Ian and Mandy in the living room studying. But if you study the lyrics, it's so s3 Gallavich that it hurts my soul, and I have formed an emotional attachment to the song and the story arc.

Also, just giving a fic rec, heartbreaking: Abrade

TW for fic rec and post: 3x06

If this song were to be brought back in s3 in any scene, it'd be devastating. Basically, the overall consensus is that this song is about two teens sneaking for a sleepover, and the boy brings the girl back home, but the dad sees them and it seems like he's after the boy. The father unravels upon the girl, being outwardly abusive and the boy finds out, and out of cowardice, leaves, or the father makes the girl cut ties with him.

The other part is a couple who is outwardly abusive towards each other, and the lyrics are a metaphorical mention of a sleepover. ANYWAY, no matter how you look at it, this perfectly describes the s3 Gallavich arc, and I don't know how they missed reusing this song.

And I just think about this song from Ian's perspective and I want to throw up crying, here are the facts:

"Did I just get invited to a sleepover?"

Mandy lent the house to Mickey.

Ian snuck out the group home to go to Mick's house.

They had a nice, pure, teenage date.

They wanted to have sex in the morning.

And then everything happened.

The lyrics perfectly narrate this process, down to Ian seeing Mickey's body as to say "you body is black and blue." He saw the bruises in Mick's face form while slumped in that couch. He saw the bruises in full effect after looking for him in that abandoned building. Even if Mick didn't turn to face him, they're just too visible to miss. He saw his body covered in Terry's malicious stains and there was nothing he could do.

"And there's thunder and there's lightning coming home." The thought of Ian coming back home after having witnessed the boy he loves get raped at gunpoint and the hands of his disgusting father is horrendous. A small part of the fic talks about it, Terry kicking him out with his clothes barely held in his hands. The insane turmoil is about to take over him because in this very moment he could be blaming himself, but you can see the amount of mind changes he goes through in the next episodes.

"I have to say goodnight, I'm leaving before you're punching out my lights." THE AMOUNT OF PAIN I'M IN WRITING THIS. Of course, the person finally leaves, but Ian didn't want to. He forced himself to leave. Staying here would mean he'd be constantly reminded that Mickey is married to the girl that was there. The girl he thinks Mickey now wants. He doesn't. I feel horrible for both of them. He got the shit beat up because Mickey passed that rage down to him, but Mickey didn't want to.

So Ian leaves, there's nothing more for him. How many times do you gotta hear no, right? Fucking bloody hell I cannot do this anymore. This song hurts me. All they wanted was a dumb teenage sleepover, being with your little crush, just like this song. And they had their moment fucked over, just like this song.

Anyway... I could say more. But I don't wanna ruin my heart anymore.

[final-girl96]

My Boyfriend's Back Chapter Forty-Four

"What the fuck is this?" He asked in a whisper. We continued until we came to the end of the hall. We could hear voices the closer we got. When we got to the end of the hall a large room came into view; a theater. Sidney was standing there looking up at the screen and when I looked up, there was out mom and Billy's dad. They were going into a motel room together. "Sid?" She turned and looked at me and Randy.

Shit was happening way too fast lately to even process anything. The director of Stab 3 turned out to be the killer. He also turned out to be our half-brother. When our mom was a young actress she went to a party where apparently she was raped and fell pregnant with Roman. She wanted nothing to do with the baby so she gave him up for adoption. He said he tried coming to her once but she had turned him away. That's when he started following her around. He knew about her and Hank Loomis.

He was the one who convinced Billy to kill our mother. Roman found out about Mrs. Loomis left her husband after finding out he had cheated on her and took that opportunity to get his revenge by having someone else do it. He found Billy and showed him the video of his dad and our mom going into the motel room. It didn't take much to convince him of taking his revenge out and killing our mom. Told him to make sure he had an accomplice just in case things went sideways. That way, he would have someone to pin it all on.

He didn't expect us to fight so hard. He wanted Sidney and I dead. He was jealous because we had a relationship with her and he didn't. He dislikes Sidney more since she was close to mom than I was. But that didn't matter. She wanted us. She didn't want him. Now we were fighting him. Randy was knocked out after he threw himself at Roman when he tried to come for me. Roman fought with him for a good few minutes before getting the upper hand and hitting Randy over the head with a candlestick.

Sidney and I ran in different directions. We could hear Gale and Dewey yelling and pounding on the door from the other side. Sidney hid behind the bar. I ran towards a door that led behind the screen. I closed the door and backed away, looking around for anything I could use. I hadn't realized there was another door on the other side of the screen.

"You know, you should check your surroundings." I jumped and spun around. The only thing I could see in here were rolls of film and other movie and camera stuff, along with some movie props. I backed up towards the door I came through. "You should really seek some help for your mommy issues. I mean, come on, man. She wasn't as great as you think. She had a lot of affairs with men. She wasn't perfect. And you think she wanted me? I am pretty sure that I was a mistake."

"Cut the bullshit! Sidney might have been her favorite but she loved you and wanted you. If she didn't she would have gotten rid of you like she did with me!" Well, he wasn't wrong there. She did at least want me and didn't give me up. "So you want to kill Sidney and I because you're fucking jealous my wanted us and not you? She was groomed and then John Milton, your father, forced her to fuck him, he raped her. Was it right what she did? No, of course not. But that doesn't mean you go fucking killing people you psycho!"

When he jumped towards me I ducked, falling to the floor and crawled across the room, stood up, and yanked the door open. I ran back into the room and across to the other side. Roman came out a few seconds after, slowly walking towards me. Once he was in front of the bar Sidney popped up and stabbed him in the shoulder with an ice pick. He howled with pain, throwing her off of him, before stumbling backwards. "Fucking bitch!" He pulled the ice pick out and threw it to the floor.

It was back and forth like that for a few minutes before he got to a gun. He had Sidney and I backed into a corner, gun pointed at us, a smirk on his face. Kincaid, who I thought was dead, found a way in but unfortunately this time was killed. While Roman was distracted by Kincaid, Sidney and I began making our way to the hall that would lead to the study. Of course we couldn't have any kind of luck. Roman turned around just as Sidney was about to make it. His arm came up, the gun pointed right at her, and pulled the trigger.

It was like everything happened in slow motion. Sidney was pushed to the ground by Randy who had taken the bullet in the same shoulder Billy had shot him in. Then he took another one in the stomach. Sidney and I both screamed his name. Sid crawled to him and began putting pressure on his stomach. Roman pointed his gun at Sidney, "Stand up!" She stood up, bloody hands in the air. He motioned for her to back up and she did; then he shot her.

Another scream left me and I started to back up. He had the gun pointed at me while he slowly walked forward. "You know, Stu, helped me get you here. He came to me with a deal. If I killed Galex Dewey, and Randy, he would help me by getting you and Sidney here. The only catch is, he gets you. But I can kill Sidney, which I just did. Now, he can have you."

Arms wrapped around me from behind, "Surprise." Roman smiled at me, and Stu stepped out from behind me. I looked at Stu, and he winked. We were so busy staring at each other that we didn't have time to react to Roman raising his gun to shoot me. The bullet slammed into my chest, lodging itself into the vest and knocking me backward. The breath was knocked out of me, and my chest burned. I heard Stu scream something before another shot went off.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

The place where we belong

Halsin returns to Waterdeep and is greeted by Astarion. They start to talk - secrets (and feelings) are revealed.

(Trigger warning (18+): graphic description of sex, smut, body worship, consensual blood drinking, fellatio, frottage, mentioning of past non-con/rape, fluff, the feels, character study)

Notes:

I used official D&D/Forgotten Realms maps to pinpoint the locations of Gale's tower house. The maps can be found here , here, and here.

A few other fanfics (Tav’s gift, Tav’s sex parade – Chapter 8: Just in time for dinner, Why do you make me feel this way? - Chapter 13: Contentment) are mentioned.

To avoid confusion: In one of my other fanfics Halsin and Tav had named the owlbear cup Naïlo, which means 'night breeze' in the Elven language.

Halsin's quasi-official last name's based on this tumblr post.

According to DnD lore, elves reach their physically maturity at 25 and their mental maturity at around 100. This is also the time, when they get a new, 'adult' name.

According to DnD lore, elves don't sleep, but rest in a meditative, trance-like state called reverie. You can see Astarion (and your Elven Tav) do exactly that in camp during a long rest when a sleep-around-the-campfire cutscene plays.

Halsin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The spring air smelled fresh and slightly sweet even in the City of Splendors. It probably helped that Gale's tower house was located right next to the sea and Mount Waterdeep. Halsin knocked at the door, heart thumping against his breastbone. He smiled when Astarion opened it and looked up at him.

"Oak Father, preserve you, Astarion. How are you?"

"Hello, druid, I'm doing fantastic. And you?"

"It's good to be back. Can I come in?"

"Of course."

The vampire spawn stepped aside and waved Halsin inside. The latter chuckled amused, entered the tower house, took his boots off, and dropped his bags with a relieved sigh.

"Where's everyone?" he asked.

Astarion leaned against the door frame casually, arms crossed and hip canted to the side.

"Well, as you know, a lot of things have changed. Shadowheart became a high priestess of Selûne, Gale teaches at the Blackstaff Academy now, and our beloved bard's travelling around North Faerûn again, singing her heart out. It's just you and me, darling."

"I see. I'm glad you're here even though you can walk in the sun again," smiled Halsin.

Astarion smiled back.

"Are you hungry?"

"I wouldn't say no to a meal."

"Tea?"

"Would be appreciated, thank you."

"Come on then," lilted Astarion and turned towards the kitchen, but before Halsin could follow him, Scratch and Naïlo barged into the entrance hallway, barking and hooting. With a laugh, the druid distributed some well-deserved affection. When they finally had their fill, the dog and the owlbear scuttled back into the living room. Only now, Tara made her appearance.

"Welcome home, Mister Silverbough," she purred, slinking closer to receive chin scratches.

"Hello, Tara. It's nice to be back," smiled Halsin and provided her the volitional caresses.

Astarion choked on air he didn't need to breathe in.

"You have a last name?!"

Halsin blinked at him dumbly.

"... yes?"

"I thought you're just Halsin. You know, Halsin the druid and so on, but you have a family name?"

"Doesn't... everyone?"

"Gods! I'm shocked." Theatrically, Astarion placed a hand on his heart. "Are there even more secrets I need to be informed about?"

The addressed stayed silent for a while, then he said quietly: "I don't have an adult name. Just like you."

The vampire spawn stared at him wide-eyed.

"You don't? Halsin..." His voice broke and his hand shook as he touched the druid's arm. "Why not? What happened?"

Halsin swallowed thickly, averting his eyes from the intense ruby-red gaze.

"My... my parents died before I hit Elven Maturity. It felt wrong to get rid of the name they gave me. It would have been like throwing away a gift."

"I'm sorry," Astarion whispered sincerely.

The druid nodded.

"So am I. But other than me, you had no choice. You got turned into a spawn when you were only thirty-nine. It would have been another sixty-one years before your coming-of-age celebration."

Astarion barked a bitter laugh.

"As it turns out, I rarely had a choice in life."

"And I'm sorry about that."

Astarion bristled at the softness of Halsin's eyes and the sincerity of his words. 'Don't pity me,' he wanted to snarl, but he didn't. He knew it wasn't pity but compassion. He took a deep breath and calmed the storm that raged inside him.

"Thank you. For everything," he said and Halsin nodded, smiling understandingly.

"I'll make tea," Astarion remarked, rushing into the kitchen to hide his traitorous teary eyes.

Halsin followed him, surprisingly light-footed and silently for his height and width. The vampire spawn placed the sandwich tray on the table without looking at him.

"Astarion," the druid spoke softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" the addressed snapped. "Everything's fine. Mind your own business!"

Halsin took hold of Astarion's shaking hands.

"Why are you in distress? Tell me, little vampire."

The addressed shivered and finally looked up at the wood elf.

"I - I hate it. I hate that I never had a choice. I'm stuck with my child name – my child name – forever! I'm a member of the Ancunin family, godsdammit, I was promised great things: a dignified name, a powerful position in politics, wealth, respect. And I got fangs, red eyes, and fragile immortality instead! It wasn't my choice. I never had a choice!"

Now, tears were running down his cheeks.

"Don't you get it, druid? I'm jealous of you! You kept your name because you wanted to. You had a choice I never had. And now, look at you: the great druid Halsin Silverbough. Dignified and distinguished. And all I am is a spawn."

"Now, now," Halsin murmured, gently wiping Astarion's tears away with his thumbs. "Why so bitter about your faith? I know how unfair life was to you, how much pain and horror you had to endure, but that lies in the past. Just look at you and how wonderful you turned out even after everything you went through. Or maybe because of it. You're extraordinary, Astarion. You have such a big heart and you're so good, little vampire."

The addressed sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut. The druid's words hurt, downright burned in his chest, and he felt the bitterness eat at him like acid.

Halsin's thumbs brushed over his wet cheeks again. So gently. Too gently. Astarion wanted to scream and rip the other elf's throat out.

"May I kiss you?" Halsin whispered, and even though his entire body wanted to kill instead of kiss, Astarion nodded with a sob.

Halsin's mouth was soft and undemanding. He just brushed their lips together gently before pulling back and wrapping Astarion into a hug. The latter sighed. The druid was so warm, soft and firm at the same time, and utterly unthreatening. The vampire spawn melted into his arms and started to calm down. He only let go of Halsin when the water threatened to boil over. Reluctantly, Astarion stepped back and brew tea. Lavender, of course. The druid touched his tense shoulder.

"Feeling better?"

Astarion nodded.

"Drink your tea and eat your meal," he ordered.

With a small smile, Halsin obeyed and sat down at the table. While he devoured the first sandwich, generously topped with salted butter, cucumber slices and garden cress, the vampire spawn went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in his puffy face. He felt a bit ashamed about his emotional outburst and scolded himself an idiot for telling the druid about his true feelings. He wished for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Astarion took in a shuddering breath – still always breathing even though there was no need for it – and willed himself to calm down.

"Astarion?"

"Give me a minute!"

He exhaled, opened his eyes, and look into the mirror above the sink. All he saw was his white shirt and his black leather trousers. And all he could conclude from it was what he already knew by looking down at his body: he was skinny. Astarion left the bathroom. Halsin looked troubled.

"I'm fine," the vampire spawn sighed. "Stop worrying and eat up."

Lost in thought, the druid gazed at the half-eaten sandwich in his hands – triple cheese – before, finally, finishing it with gusto. Astarion watched him fondly.

"Gale made a lingonberry jam pie. Do you want some?"

Halsin's eyes went wide, sparkling with joy, and the vampire spawn laughed.

"That's a yes, I wager."

He got up, grabbed the pie, and cut off a big slice. Then, he slid the plate over to the druid and handed him a fork. Halsin moaned at the first bite. The tartness of the berries and the sweetness of the sugar were perfectly balanced with the exotic spices in the crust.

"Yes, yes. Gale's a god in the kitchen, I know," teased Astarion and the druid nodded, still chewing.

"Delicious," the latter sighed then, shovelling more of the pie into his mouth.

Chuckling, the vampire spawn observed him. When Halsin had emptied his plate, he leaned back with a satisfied sigh and a stupid smile on his face. Astarion was in the mood to play the good host, refilled the druid's teacup, and washed the dishes.

Afterwards, they moved into the living room and joined the animals in front of the crackling fireplace. Contently, Halsin stretched out like a cat on a hot tin roof and cracked his knuckles, leaning against Naïlo's large, feathery flank. Astarion sat down next to him, avidly petting Scratch's ears. The dog's tail thumped against the carpet as he grumbled happily. Lazily, Halsin turned his head around and stated: "If you want, you can drink from me, little vampire."

Astarion froze, a shiver running down his spine at the pet name. He locked eyes with the druid.

"Really?" he breathed.

Halsin nodded with a smile. The vampire spawn licked his lips in anticipation and crawled towards the druid. He remembered how Halsin's blood got him drunk every time like a bear's. He still wondered why that was. Maybe it was an elf thing, but Astarion hadn't had the chance to test said theory yet.

"This is only our third time," he purred. "It's still exciting, isn't it?"

Smiling, Halsin stroke Astarion's cheek.

"It always is, little vampire."

He got off Naïlo and lay down on the floor instead. Astarion crawled on top of him, already salivating. With mirth dancing in his hazel eyes, Halsin whispered: "Be gentle."

"Anything for you, darling."

Astarion made a show of opening his mouth and presenting his sharp fangs, slowly running his tongue over his teeth. He felt smug when Halsin shuddered underneath him. It was a heady feeling to dominate such a hunk of a man. Astarion felt powerful and was, to his own surprise, utterly turned on and hard. He bent down to lick a broad strip across the druid's neck who's pulse was hammering under the suntanned skin. Astarion placed a gentle kiss there before biting down. Halsin gasped when the vampire spawn's fangs pierced his skin and icy cold numbness flooded the affected area of his neck like an anaesthetic. Astarion couldn't hold back the moan as the first gush of rich blood hit his palate. It tasted so different from other people's, almost animalistic in a way, and Astarion loved it. He swallowed another mouthful greedily and Halsin arched up into him, hips bucking.

"Astarion," the druid moaned, burying his fingers in the silver-white curls.

As an answer, the addressed slid his knee between the other man's legs and pressed his thigh into his crotch. Halsin moaned, rutting against the offered friction. He already was embarrassingly close. He could feel – and hear – how Astarion sucked his blood to the surface and gulped it down. Goosebumps spread over his skin and his thick legs trembled. Halsin deliberately stroke Astarion's pointy ear – a most intimate gesture in Elven culture – rolled his hips up, and panted: "My little vampire."

Astarion moaned into his neck, still feeding from him, and his fingernails dug deeper into the druid's chest. Halsin's eyes rolled back in his head and he climaxed with a loud, guttural moan. He felt lightheaded.

Maybe Astarion had taken too much of his blood this time, he thought, but didn't really care because he was too blissed out.

The vampire spawn finally drew back, panting and with his pupils blown wide.

"Amazing," he slurred. "Delicious. Delectable."

Halsin tugged at the laces of Astarion's trousers.

"Let me. Please."

The vampire spawn closed his eyes with a moan and nodded. Hastily, the druid fumbled the trousers down his pale, skinny legs. But Astarion flinched when Halsin's hand ran over his rear to help get the item of clothing off.

"I won't touch you more than necessary," the druid promised.

Panting, Astarion nodded and did his damn best to keep himself up on his arms.

They weren't intimate with each other. Ever. The only exceptions had been that foursome they'd had with Tav and Shadowheart which had made Astarion incredibly uncomfortable, and the other time had been when he'd first fed from Halsin almost five years ago. There had been a few sweet, chaste kisses in between, but nothing else. Astarion had never wanted anything else.

Now though, he moaned when the druid wrapped his hand around his member and started to stroke. The position wasn't favourable and Halsin's arm was at a weird angle, but he was experienced enough to make it work. He was sure that Astarion wouldn't approve if he'd flip them over. Thus, Halsin let the vampire spawn have the upper hand – at least, he gave him the illusion of it. Carefully, the druid stroke the vampire spawn's erection, spreading precum around, and rubbing his thumb over the glans. Astarion whined, lips still smeared with blood. His arms shook, saliva started to drip down from the corner of his mouth. If Halsin had been younger, he would have felt smug, but since he was over three hundred and fifty years old, he was simply enjoying making his partner feel good.

Heavy-lidded, the druid looked up at the trembling vampire spawn and another, new desire rose.

"Astarion, let me taste you. Please."

The addressed moaned and went cross-eyed.

"I… can't. Aah... Gods..."

"Please, little vampire. Let me suck you off."

Astarion's hips stuttered, his arms gave out and he landed face-first on top of Halsin's heaving chest. The latter caressed the vampire's spawn prominent hip bone.

"Sit on my face."

"Can't. My legs feel like overcooked noodles."

"May I turn you onto your back then?"

Astarion stayed quiet for a moment, only panting and twitching.

"Alright," he finally muttered.

Halsin reacted immediately, grabbing Astarion's waist, rolling them over, and swallowing his cock down to the root. Astarion cried out, almost jack-knifing off the floor. Halsin hummed, kept sucking him off, and stroke his pale thighs soothingly.

"F... uck!" Astarion whined.

He bucked his hips up one more time and came down Halsin's willing throat. The druid drank it all with relish. He hadn't had such a good cock in months. With closed eyes, he swallowed again and licked his lips.

"Gods above," Astarion wheezed, surprised about the intensity of his orgasm. He hadn't even hidden in his head. There had been no time. He definitely did not squeak when Halsin gently pulled his foreskin down and slurp at the head. Astarion's leg kicked out involuntarily.

"Off," he groaned, overwhelmed by the heat of the druid's mouth on his sensitive, spent member.

Halsin immediately complied and licked his fingers clean.

"My seeds aren't honey, you know?" the vampire spawn joked weakly.

"True. But you taste good nonetheless," the druid replied.

It made Astarion whimper and his cock twitch.

"Come here, druid," he said, opening up his arms.

The addressed embraced the vampire spawn and rolled onto his back to position his partner on top of him. He didn't want Astarion to feel suffocated. The latter hummed in appreciation and kissed Halsin as a thank you. Their tongues slid along each other, cold against hot, the taste of blood and cum mingling. Halsin slurped on Astarion's tongue before releasing it and sleepily smiling up at him. The vampire spawn sighed and lay his head onto the druid's chest. They rested like this, slipping in and out of reverie.

Halsin caressed Astarion's arm. Suddenly, he said: "I know one should not poke a bear, but your name is beautiful."

The vampire spawn smiled a little.

"Thank you. So is yours."

After a moment of comfortable silence, the druid mumbled: "There's another secret I haven't told you yet. After losing my parents, I always wished to belong somewhere again. Sure, I had the village community and later the Grove, but... I never felt like I truly belonged there. I always felt like a stranger. But now... here... I finally found a place where I belong. Tav, Shadowheart, Gale, you. Even Lae'zel, Karlach, and Wyll. I love you all, and you gave me a place in your family. I feel like I finally belong again. After decades, no, centuries. I'm grateful for it."

Astarion stayed quiet for a while, playing with Halsin's shirt while contemplating his reply.

"I feel the same. Cazador called us a family, but that's not what we were. I was lost, scared, bitter. And then, I found Tav. Our beautiful, good-hearted Tav. And I fell for her. Deeply. She brought us all together, believed in the good in us. Helped me heal. Helped me find the parts of myself again that had been lost for two centuries. And now, I belong. We all do. This is the place where we belong."

A smile spread over Halsin's face and he stroke Astarion's curls while he answered: "It truly is."