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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #315

“can’t breathe to scream / suffocating in this dream / long way down”

Who was your first big crush? I would probably say this guy in high school named Sebastian. We sat beside each other in Art, and I definitely liked him a lot. Man, my freshman-sophomore years honestly involved a handful of crushes before Jason popped into the picture and I lost all romantic interest in everyone else. Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? N/A Is it a blue sky outside right now? No. All North Carolina has known for weeks on end now is rain. We've had very rare sunny days, but for the most part, it's just gray and gross. Was your last breakup a bad one? Nah, I'd say it ended maturely and with a mutual understanding of "why." When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Hell if I know. Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Yeah, like strawberry. What was the last sitcom you watched? No clue. ^ Do you have a favorite character in that sitcom? Why is that character your favorite? N/A What does the last group you joined on Facebook concern? I am 90% sure it was this group I joined that is literally just about cute yet dangerous animals lmao, mostly reptiles and invertebrates. "Misunderstood biteybois and where to befriemd them" or some stupid shit like that. Has there been a spider in your house at any time recently? Not that I've seen, no. Do you like wearing make-up? Not at all. I only like wearing it for pictures and then taking that shit off. ^ If so, how old were you when you first started to wear it? I started consistently wearing it my freshman year of high school. Then some time later I just showed up one day without any, shocked all my friends, and then only wore it when I felt like it. What foods are you craving lately, if any? Nothing, really. What were some of your favorite foods as a child? Chicken nuggets of course, as well as spaghetti, peanut butter sandwiches, just the typical stuff that kids tend to enjoy. When you were younger, did you ever have a friend that your parents hated? No. Have you ever talked in your sleep before? That's very normal for me, especially now that I have nightmares like every goddamn night. What was the last song you heard, that reminded you of someone? Well, not a real someone, but "The Ordinary World" by the Hit House is 110% one of Fetch's soon-to-be themes. What has brought you joy today? Nothing brought me "joy," really. When was the last time you won a prize in a raffle? What was it? I actually recently won an art rafle on deviantART hosted by a truly amazing artist, like I thought I had no chance, and she's going to be drawing Moondust!!!! :'''') What is the next non-essential item that you intend to buy for yourself? I'm still paying the bulk of my tattoo in May. Is there anywhere in your town/city that's rumored to be haunted? Oh, I'm sure. When you were younger, did you ever think that a certain place was haunted? Bitch I still do lmao. What were your school meals like? Did you enjoy them? This really depended on the menu for the day. My school lunches were nowhere near as bad as some people make theirs sound, but most things still weren't great. I think school pizzas are the most notoriously bad. What kind of granola bar did you eat most recently? I had a cashew bar earlier today. Do you have any books on your shelf that you've read multiple times? I never reread books. What did your last post on social media concern? That I personally wrote, something regarding subtle racism still being racism, pretty much. How do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: PETA, abortion…) I have mixed feelings on this. Like sometimes seeing the brutal side of certain things is definitely useful in opening someone's mind to things they don't want to see/think about, but then there's that, too: it can just be so invasive and unexpected, and thus very upsetting and even scarring. I'd say I'm most for the "appropriate" social media route: using censorship that the viewer can decide whether or not to remove. But you obviously can't do that in like, a public protest with a sign, so idk. Which is harder for you: writing creatively or academically? Honestly, both are pretty easy for me. I enjoy writing creatively far more, though. Do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea? I think it's fine to have them as an option. When was the last time you voluntarily went outside of your comfort zone? Just talking about stuff in group therapy recently. Would you ever use a dating site that costs money, like Match.com or eHarmony? Have you known anyone who had good experience with such sites? No, and yes. Do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making YouTube videos? Yes? It takes charisma and talent in some area (humor, education, etc.) as well as consistency for it to be a reliable career, and just consider how often you hear about creators burning out. That happens for a reason. Entertainment is a valid job category and should not be seen as an unfair joke. Whether you’re in college or not, do you become fearful about whether or not you’ll find a good job? Story of my life. What is something you can only understand if you've experienced it first hand? Deep heartbreak. Do you think it's a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it's assault? Obviously. Abuse knows no gender, and hitting another person is just that. I do, however, believe in self-defense, also regardless of gender. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important... Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. This requires too much thinking, haha... but I do know the quality of my honeymoon would be most important to me, given that that's personal time with my new spouse and not a public celebration. I feel like what goes on behind closed doors is more important and heartfelt than how you act publicly. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Probably video games or music, idk. Define "small talk." Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) Mom does. She just a few days ago had to borrow $100 for rent. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? It'd be dope as fuck if someone could pay for Venus' next terrarium, but that's a big purchase that I'd have a hard time accepting. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? At least one, but her name is spelled differently. What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? I'm not sure, but I can tell you that "When It's Love" by Van Halen has always been high on the list for me. Was your mother married when she had you? No, actually. I thought she was until my most recent bday, I think. It was just part of a conversation. How old was the first person you kissed? He was a few months into 18. The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? Of course, he's a sweet guy. We don't talk or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That'd be pretty rad. What are you listening to at the moment? "Long Way Down" from the The Evil Within soundtrack. It's funny, like I've loved the game for many years, but I'm now in a serious semi-obsession phase after watching another let's play of it. Have you read the The Hunger Games trilogy? I only read the first book. I loved it, but just never continued. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Who is the person you dislike the most? That I personally know, probably a former best friend, oddly enough. Do you text your parents often? If Mom's not home, it's not unusual for us to text. I don't text my dad much because he's not a fan of texting. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Pretty much always. Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Sara, my aunt, and my cousin. Those are the ones I know of, anyway. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. If someone else is here, they usually just park where the road meets the sidewalk of the cul-de-sac. Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? Of my dog Teddy, yes. Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes, as a kid. Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? Definitely no flash. It's more natural, and especially with people, it obviously prevents red eye. How often do you use hashtags? Just about never. Have you ever had whiplash before? No. Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? Pets, yes. I could never bathe another human. Is there a birdbath in your yard? No. Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? Nowhere weird, I think... How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? Technically three, if you count my snake's heat lamp. Right now that's the only light that's on. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Yeah, reading comes to mind first. Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? I'm not up-to-date on this stuff at all, not even video games. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? I know Girt's recommended me music I haven't been a fan of. We like the same general stuff, but there are specific sub-genres we differ in opinion about. Can you unwrap a Starburst in your mouth? ... There are people who do this to even know in the first place??? What is the last thing you ate? Popcorn. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Sara. Do you know how to grill a steak? I don't know how to cook, period. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog currently, but Mom is looking for one pretty intently. We don't know the size it'll end up being. Do you like walking places? Absolutely not. I can't walk far at all without my legs starting to scream at me because leading such a sedentary lifestyle led to muscle atrophy in my legs. It's incredibly embarrassing. Are you a fan of bands most people don’t know of? That's not uncommon for me. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It's deeper than the average woman's. Do you have a pool? No, but I really, really want one... Given how easily I sweat, I would love to use swimming to strengthen my legs. I could also stop the very moment I feel I need to; it in general sounds like something I could quite easily do. How many times have you been on a plane? Ummm including the trips going back, at least six times. Favorite ice cream flavor? Oh my gooooood, if you haven't tried Ben & Jerry's "phish food"... fucking try that shit. It is innnnnncredible. Do you have a TikTok? Nope. Do you enjoy driving? Fuck no I don't. Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic was and still is my fave, ha. Favorite YouTuber? There's this one called Markiplier that I think's pretty cool. How many online accounts do you have? A LOT. My whole life is essentially on the computer, so... .-. Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama? Quite the opposite. Do you collect quarters from every state? No. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Not since we moved into this place. When you were little did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney probably topped Nickelodeon. I didn't watch much CN. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Either my niece or nephew when saying bye. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes, as a kid. I even had a magician for my bday once. When was the last time you vomited and why? It's been a year or so. It would've been a side effect of starting a certain med that I didn't stay on because it so consistently made me sick. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Either in my bed (I know) or at the dinner table if Nicole is here to eat with us. What time do you usually go to sleep at night? It's typically around 7:30-8:30, occasionally a bit later. I can't believe as a teen, it was my "rule" that I couldn't go to sleep before 10:30 because it was "too early." Nowadays, I can barely imagine regularly staying up that late. Do you avoid using public restrooms? As best as I can. I've seen some nasty shit. What’s your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. How basic.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''long way down'' - the evil within ost

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the-fiction-witch · 6 years ago

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Okay...

I understand Tumblr has changed its community Guidelines and oddly enough I am going to add my two cents to it I suppose even though 90 % of tumblr does not give a dam hell what I have to say about it.

Okay lets begin

Point number one:

I as someone had been on tumblr a very long time almost eight years now I understand why this has happened, the world has changed alot since I has my first account on here I mean I was very young when I had my first account it was just a fan account where I blogged Lord of the rings art and gifs, and I understand why this has decision was made by the staff to try to make there app more ‘pg’ lets say, Okay I understand

Point number two:

I said I understand I did not say I agree with it, I know as quiet a big tumblr fan fic writer I’m likely not the best person for saying so but... I think people online should be allowed to see things like, Nudity and smut and all that stuff, Why? you ask? Well Because I was I know when it comes to sexy kinda stuff I was kinda the opposite of sheltered as a child my parents are swingers and have pretty much always been open about it, they have had nude art and such on the walls in there bedroom for as long as I can remember and I know there is this whole thing about how kids or young people can access things on the internet that are over 18 because you know lieing exists and there are ways to get around things, there always will be the second a rule is there two seconds later how to get around it exists and I Personally think there is nothing wrong with that.

Point two and a half: [I realized two was getting kinda ranty]

But I think kids Should be exposed to things, Not like kids from five should be shown like rule 34, but I think kids and young people are a heck of a alot smarter then any 20-40 year old realizes, Kids are all different they are all sexually awakened at different times in there life [for example I know I was a literally 11 and I have a best friend who wasn't till she was 18] people are different and I think things like Smut and Nudes are not exactly for kids no but... they are a part of life and sheltering them isnt going to help them understand I mean I got lucky I grew up in a family that had 50′s pin up on the walls and watched the rocky horror picture show in the living room I understood what sex was from a young age and how it worked between consenting adults I didn't Practice it Obviously and I didn't know the exact details [look at my older work and see if I understood how the heck sex worked] but I think people make those decisions I mean yeah random porn showing up on a timeline yeah maybe stop that that’s kinda a problem but if you search for Boobs or Porn or Smut whatever you know what your getting and if you make the decision to type those letters to spell that word then you made the decision to see what you see or read what you read, you chose to do that tumblr didn't when you typed in I don’t know Loki didn't randomly take you to porn unless you specifically told it to or unlocked it,

Point three:

Why? as I said I understand the choice tumblr staff have made but if you search something and have safe search on then yeah don’t show nude pics or things tagged as porn or even my stuff I wouldn't expect someone who typed newt with there safe search on i imagine most of my stuff wouldn’t turn up I as a creator and even audience member here I understand that but I think it again comes back to choice if you chose to unlock the search you understand what comes with that and if you don’t then your the one that needs to be fixed not tumblr.

Point four: Likely my big point

I came to tumblr when I was fairly young, my god when tumblr was fairly young because mostly I wanted to be as informed and aware as my big sister my older sister showed me tumblr so I could see cool gifs of doctor who and lord of the rings and find people just like me who also loved to watch and read. when I first came here I was still a young girl and I didn't know how big the 18+ side of tumblr was I didn't care all I cared about was the amazing people and when I first began to dream about being a writer, everyone I knew even my family laughed at me said because of my disability I could never be a author, But I changed my URL and posted one of the first things I ever wrote on to tumblr with no fear of being judged or being laughed at and now when I go back and read it I know it’s awful I was terrible back then but... people where kind to me. said how I could improve and where with me every step of my way, that account is still there now I have just moved a little bit to here where I have been now for several years and I love it.

It’s amazing to me now as a almost 20 year old woman to sit on my computer, have my own physical novels sat on a shelf next to me, without tumblr I would not have became a real writer and would not now be able to live off doing it an live comfortably even, When I came here with my first ever work A girl we can’t understand I was awful but I had big dreams the people here have made me into who I am now and have made me be able to do such amazing things with my life, I never came here to be a problem to tumblr or even to be popular I make no money from tumblr but I still post almost everyday or as much as I can...why?

Because I love it here,

I love being able to make people happy to be able to create worlds for people to lose themselves in even if its just for a little while.

I love every single one of the people who read my work even if you don’t like or dont follow or anything like that anyone who reads what I post I thank you for taking the time to read it, as I said I do this purely for the love of doing it.

But... Tumblr has changed.

maybe I am a dinosaur here now I guess but Tumblr I have a little message for you...

Dear Tumblr, To all your staff, your users and your creator.

I know in your grant scheme I am a small foot note. I understand the choices you have made to the site and I respect your decision as it is yours to make. However I don’t see how blocking and reporting people like myself and other users like me who just want to make people happy or feel better after a bad day is the best way to be, I have been here for a long time and I have seen some awful things on this site, but nudity or smut or anything has never been one of them. I have seen things like racism, homophobia, trans phobia, extremism and as a user I have tried my best to report and help your algeritherum to grow to make this site better. But Tumblr your views have changed and you have every right to change them, I have grown up with you tumblr and I am... concerned about what you are becoming. it is your choice to make this site into something different then what it was, But I beg of you

When I came here I was an outcast. Not pretty enough for Instagram and snap chat, not funny enough for twitter, not frenziedly enough for Facebook, I and I know so many others who came here because we are outcasts who fit nowhere else in this internet world. I have so many friends many of which I have even met in real life now because of you tumblr, but with people left and right upset about this and threatening to leave because you deiced to change

Please tell me... where are we meant to go? we are the outcasts here always have been tumblr kids the ones who are different but if we lose this place we call home we will have nowhere to go, and I would hate to see people like I was have nowhere to go people who where like me when I got here, Alone.

So... Dearest tumblr, You have meant the world to me, I have gathered friends with you, made a life though you, I have even had my life saved by the people here to many times to count,

My boyfriend and I where here on my old account we had to separate for a bit but run this together like we used to and its a massive part of our lives even our relationship

But I am clearly not what you want anymore. so I say here and now I will try to continue my work here but if my posts continue to be reported and blocked then I will go.

If you still want my work I will keep it here but I will always update and write on my

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/FictionalReality010

and I will also re open my tapas:

https://tapas.io/FictionalLiving

and If you are a friend of mine I am shearing my Instagram here becuase I don’t wan’t to lose any of you

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/amberjane010/?hl=en

Good Bye

I love all of you so much and I am so so sorry.

X Amber & Thomas

#Dear tumblr #goodbye #whatifwecouldbefiction #whatifwecouldbecaomefiction #i'm sorry #im so sorry #writers on tumblr #tumblr

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thisaintascenereviews · 7 years ago

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Album Review by Bradley Christensen Discrepancies – The Awakening (Deluxe Reissue) Record Label: InVogue Release Date: March 23 2018

The biggest trend in metalcore the last four years, give or take, has been nu-metal coming back. You know, the late 90s and early 00s style of metal that also took elements of hip-hop, rap-rock/metal, and to a less extent, funk-rock/metal. Nu-metal has a really bad reputation, but let’s be real here – the genre had some real gems. Bands like Disturbed, System Of A Down, Mudvayne, Flaw, Spineshank, Slipknot, and many other bands came out of it. A lot of them are pretty dated, but I think people give it a bad rap, thanks to a band like Limp Bizkit. I’ve listened to an album from them, and it wasn’t half bad, but Fred Durst is not a good vocalist at all, nor a good lyricist, and he should go away. It’s unfair to discredit a whole style of music, let alone remember it, for a couple of bad apples in the entire genre, no? I mean, every era of music has had some pretty bad music that we tend to just forget about. There was bad music during every era of music, but we just tend to remember the good stuff from before the 00s, because the Internet wasn’t a thing yet. At its core, though, I can get the disdain for nu-metal, because it’s most often performed by whiny, cringy, and untalented white guys that think they can rap, even though they really can’t, so it ends up being embarrassing for everyone involved. Nu-metal was basically for suburban white guys, usually teens or early 20s, that liked metal, but didn’t want to admit they liked hip-hop, so they settled for the next best thing. It’s got a bad reputation for a reason, but I don’t think it’s totally warranted. A lot of great stuff came out, like I said, and bad music has always existed. I mean, if you really think about it, nu-metal of the early 00s is similar to metalcore / crabcore the mid-00s. In terms of metal, the next fad / trend came along, and it was bands like Of Mice & Men, Attack Attack, Asking Alexandria, and the like.

Similarly to nu-metal, some of those bands have either disappeared completely, changed their sound, or keep doing their thing to their dedicated fanbase, but a lot of people look at it with disdain. I can totally understand it, especially those that never grew up with it, and didn’t necessarily see its appeal, but even people that either grew up with nu-metal or crabcore (maybe they grew up with both), tend to mock them or disassociate from them. I mean, I can understand that to a degree, because people tend to be embarrassed of what they used to like, but I look back on crabcore with fondness in a sense. Looking back at an album like Attack Attack’s debut record, 2008’s Someday Came Suddenly, it’s an album that could only have come out in 2008. It’s an album that’s oddly dated and timeless all at once, but it’s also a lot of fun. I mean, you can say the same thing for nu-metal, too, at least when it’s done well. It’s a genre that’s a ton of fun, energetic, and both dated and timeless at the same time. A lot of these bands / albums are ones that only could have come out in the early 00s, and they’re a product of their time, but they’re so much of a product that they become timeless in a sense. I’m not surprised that nu-metalcore would become a thing, because nostalgia is such a huge moneymaker / influencer in media today, whether it’s rebooting movie franchises, TV shows, or even bands coming back from the dead to release new music. Nu-metalcore is a genre that makes sense, especially when you look at the people making it. A lot of musicians were kids during the early 00s, and they grew up on nu-metal / hard-rock, so you can hear that influence in their stuff.

Austin Carlile, the former frontman of Of Mice & Men talked about how he grew up on Deftones, Chevelle, and Breaking Benjamin, so he wanted to incorporate their sounds into their music, especially with 2014’s Restoring Force, but bands like Issues, My Ticket Home, Cane Hill, and many others have been taking this idea and running with it. I listen to a few of these bands, since metalcore isn’t quite my cup of tea anymore (I tend to like bands that are a bit heavier, though, and are more on the “metal” spectrum, at least), but every now and again, I find a metalcore band that I find to be really interesting. Nu-metalcore tends to mainly rely on nu-metal instrumentation within its sound, having a very groovy sound with a funky tone to the guitarwork at times, but what they don’t have are, well, rappers. A lot of nu-metal bands had vocalists that rapped, and sometimes that’s all they did; they didn’t sing, scream, or anything else. They just rapped. Those types of bands are becoming less prominent, but a few of them happen to come out of the woodwork every now and again. Last year I talked about BackWordz and Fire From The Gods, two bands that utilized rappers in their sound, but I found BackWordz to be more interesting, whether it was for their vocalist being better, the lyrics being more interesting, or the overall sound being more diverse. Regardless, they utilized more hip-hop in their sound, and that’s the kind of nu-metalcore that I’ve been enjoying most, since you don’t see it as much. Recently I was just hanging out on Facebook, and sometimes I’ll scroll through the videos section, but I found the band Discrepancies, which are signed to InVogue Records. I haven’t kept up with InVogue in a hot minute, but the caption said something about combining hip-hop and rock, so I was curious, but I didn’t expect for the song to be really, really solid nu-metalcore / rap-metal.

I guess the band had released their latest LP, The Awakening, a couple of years ago, but InVogue reissued the album a couple of bonus tracks, one of them being a new song (the one that I was listening to, “Get Hype”), but I liked the album enough to check out the whole album. Despite it coming out a couple of years ago, originally, I’m going to count it as a new album, at least in 2018, because this is the first time a lot of people have heard of them, such as myself, so I want to talk about them, especially because this album is really, really damn good. I’ve been listening to the album for the last week, give or take, and it’s a wonderful record. It’s not the most groundbreaking, unique, or off the wall album I’ve heard, but that’s how it’s been for a lot of these, since these types of bands don’t necessarily break the mold, but the thing with them, however, is that they do it really well. That’s been the running theme with a lot of these reviews, because these albums are ones that aren’t necessarily breaking the mold in any way, shape, or form, but they do it well. There are a lot of elements that make this album worthwhile, and that makes the replay value really high. Part of that is how diverse this record is, because not only do they utilize rapping in their sound, they’ve got clean vocals, harsh vocals, breakdowns, catchy hooks, and groovy guitarwork. This band takes every aspect of nu-metalcore and takes advantage of it. There’s never a dull moment on this album, and what makes things better is that it all sounds great. I love the rapped vocals a lot, as they are actual bars being spat, the clean vocals have a lot of range, and the harsh vocals are surprisingly good, too. The hooks are catchy, memorable, and interesting, and the instrumentation is a mix between groovy, accessible, and heavy, since some breakdowns tend to show up here and there.

If you’re into bands like Of Mice & Men, Issues, Cane Hill, The Plot In You, Bring Me The Horizon, BackWordz, Fire From The Gods, or any number of nu-metalcore bands out there, Discrepancies is a band that will totally be on your radar. They should be, anyway, because these guys have the talent to be huge. The only thing that I didn’t mention, and I wanted to talk about it briefly, were the lyrics, because they’re another aspect that I really like. Most of the time, they do come off as rather generic “inspirational” songs about rising up, overcoming obstacles, and keeping hope alive (there’s a song called “Keep Hope Alive,” too, but it’s really solid), but there are some very socially aware songs about police brutality and racism, too, which you don’t hear from bands like this, so I’m all for hearing that. Those moments don’t happen a lot, as this band isn’t overtly political, but it’s interesting to hear. Nonetheless, this band is really talented, interesting, and enjoyable. They do have some songs that are meant to be fun, energetic, and “bangers,” too, if you will, such as “Rock The Show,” and the newer song, “Get Hype,” like I mentioned earlier. The other bonus track on this album is an acoustic version of another song on the album, “Not Alone.” What’s cool about this version is that it’s pretty much the same track, but it’s got acoustic guitar instead of electric, so all the same elements are there. That’s how you do an acoustic version, too, but this whole album is great. I can see this being one of my favorite albums of the year. When we get to June, I know I plan on revisiting a lot of these albums, and taking a look at the albums that would make a mid-year list, and this one just might make it on there, albeit quite high, too. It’s an album that I’ve been coming back to a lot, and for good reason, especially with how energetic, fun, interesting, and enjoyable it is. If you’re into any of the bands that I mentioned earlier, you owe it to yourself to check out this band, as well as this album, because it’s some top notch stuff.

#discrepancies #the awakening #get hype #invogue records #invogue #nu-metalcore #nu-metal #rap-rock #rap-metal #rage against the machine #of mice & men #issues #backwordz #fire from the gods

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

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City of … You Get the Idea

by Dan H

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Dan is almost positive about Cassie Clare’s City of Glass~

A couple of weeks ago, our Esteemed Editor got an email from A Reader asking if we were going to review City of Glass. Apparently they’d enjoyed my previous reviews of the books, and had felt that they articulated some of their own issues with the series. I can only assume that said reader’s issues with the series had been “this is shit, shit, shit and I want to tear my own eyes out rather than read another page of it” that being roughly the contents of the last two articles.

The reader particularly wanted to hear about City of Glass because their friends had told them that it was much better than the previous two books.

Well, random reader whose name I don’t know, it is and it isn’t.

A few articles back, I expressed the rather controversial opinion that a TV series (and by extension any other series, including books) doesn’t just suddenly get “good” after a couple of volumes or series of being “bad”. Rather it gets more polished, more competent and more sure of itself and therefore improves immeasurably in the eyes of people who were already sold on the basic premise.

I’d like to go further now, and add that one’s perception of the quality of any given work depends not only on the (to use a loaded term) objective merits of that piece of work but also on the context in which that work appears. In my review of Trudi Canavan’s Age of the Five trilogy (sorry, this article is getting really heavy on the self-linkage) I pointed out that I found the series a little disappointing not because it was actually worse than the Black Magician Trilogy but because it wasn’t much better, and I felt I’d already read a lot of the ideas in it before.

I found that City of Glass had the opposite effect. When you get right down to it, it has all the same problems as the previous two books. Clary is still an infuriating self-insert, Jace is still a whiny little prick whose self-destructive urges grow increasingly tedious, and the whole plot still makes virtually no sense at all. On the other hand once you've come this far, you start to take all that pretty much as read, and enjoy the demon-punching shenanigans.

The other factor that left me slightly better disposed towards City of Glass was, ironically enough, the fact that it still read like Harry Potter fanfic. For the first books, this was a weakness, since it invited comparison to the early Potter books, to which The Mortal Instruments compared unfavourably. The same issues in City of Glass invite comparison with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows which is a far better light to be standing in.

Indeed there's a lot about City of Glass that reads like an attempt to address common fan criticisms of, and disappointments with, the final volume of the Potter saga.

The point at which the similarities with Harry Potter got too much for me in the first book was the point where I discovered that a scruffy, paternal character who had been a little bit like Remus Lupin was actually a Werewolf and was therefore exactly like Remus Lupin. This turned into one of the saving graces of City of Glass. If nothing else, post Deathly Hallows “contains a character that is similar to Remus Lupin” can not be considered a point of comparison with the Potter books.

Okay, sarcasm aside, one of the big wasted opportunities that fans complain about with Potter is the various “seeking allies amongst the other magical races” arcs (Hagrid's overtures to the giants, Lupin's infiltration of the werewolves, and so on). There was a lot of buildup in the first five books based around the idea that even without Voldemort's influence, Wizarding society had deep-seated inequalities and bigotries which needed to be addressed and a lot of fans were rather annoyed that they weren't. A lot of fans were even more annoyed that the implicit racism of Wizarding society wound up being reduced to a way that the Wizarding elite could display their superiority.

Where was I. Oh yes, Lupin and Clare's Lupin-analogue. One of the seemingly-major subplots in books five and six of the Potter Saga involves fan-favourite Remus Lupin being sent to infiltrate the Werewolves in an effort to make sure that they did not support Voldemort. This lead to many fans making the foolish assumptions that (a) Lupin might actually do something in book seven and (b) that the Wizards might actually have to fight alongside the other races as equals. Of course what they actually got was Lupin marrying a teenager and dropping dead, and the other races fighting for the wizards in a manner that felt distinctly subordinate.

By contrast, pretty much the whole setup of City of Glass is that the Shadowhunters' only hope of victory is to ally themselves with the four races of Downworlders, and to do so in a way that genuinely involves giving the Downworlders greater respect and increased political power. Indeed, even Clary's super-speshul ability to create new runes is suborned into service to this goal, with her great rune-crafting triumph being the creation of the Rune of Alliance, which allows Shadowhunters and Downworlders to share their powers, creating a union that is part vampire, part lycan and stronger than both. Furthermore, this magic rune-crafting only seals the deal, it's Lucian the Lupin-Analogue who orchestrates the alliance, who brings the Downworlders together and introduces them to the Clave. Clary's role is important but ultimately secondary.

Indeed one of the interesting things about the plot of City of Glass is how little – comparatively speaking – it has to do with Clary and her super-specialness. Yes everybody still wants to do her, but in this volume a lot more attention is paid to the fact that ... well ... Valentine has come back and is fucking killing everybody. It ultimately isn't Clary's specialness that defeats Valentine, it's the support of the Downworlders combined with Valentine's own hubris. Set alongside the messianic delusions of Rowling's “protracted plea for tolerance” it seems oddly mature.

It's been over a thousand words now and I've been broadly positive, so as to avoid losing my internet cred entirely I should point out that there are a lot of things in the book that still annoy the hell out of me. There's still the odd what-the-fuck-inducing simile, although none of them stood out as badly as “almost precisely the colour of black ink”. The characterisation is still slightly wobbly. Alex's homosexuality in particular strayed close to what I would consider offensively tokenistic. A certain amount of page-space is given to Alex's relationship with Magnus Bane, with whom he does in fact wind up. The problem is that all of the page-space devoted to their relationship is devoted to them talking about the fact that they're in a relationship, with a side-order of coming-out angst, and no time or thought seems to be put into the question of why these characters are actually attracted to each other, beyond the fact that they are both males of the homosexual persuasion. I'm straying back into Minority Warrior territory here, but it has a nasty whiff of Clare wanting to include a gay character, but not wanting to actually think too hard about the nasty details of two men being a couple.

She also hasn't got over her irritating tendency to show off. As well as eleven out of the twenty chapter titles being pretentious literary allusions (for a full list see the comments section of this article) she keeps dropping in completely pointless psudo-highbrow references for no clear reason. Jace quotes Catullus for no particular purpose other than to show us that Clare has read Catullus, and there's a particularly egregious sequence which unfolds as follows:

Jace smiled. “De ce crezi ca va conversatia” Sebastian met his glance with a look of pleasant interest. “M-ai urmarit de cand ai ajuns aici,” he replied. “Nu-mi dau seama daca nu ma placi ori daca esti atat de banuitor ce toata lumea.” He got to his feet. “I appreciate the Romanian practice, but if you don't mind, I'm going to see what's taking Isabelle so long in the kitchen.”

Look at meeeee! Look at meeeee everybody! I speak Romanian! Isn't that awesome! Don't you want to have sex with me right now! And I've read Milton! And Rimbaud! And Lawrence! And Euripides! And the Bible! And Wilde! And Pope! Look at meeeeee!

What do you mean you expected something relevant to the story?

Anyway, long story short, if you liked the last two books, you'll probably think this one is, like an orgasm on toast or something. If you didn't like the last two books, you probably won't actually like this one either, but you probably won't want to throw it across the room in anger more than once or twice.Themes:

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

Young Adult / Children

Cassandra Clare

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Wardog

at 22:20 on 2009-07-23What's *truly disturbing* about this whole business is that articles on the subject of Ms Clare have slipped over 3 which means SHE GETS HER OWN THEME! ARGH!

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Arthur B

at 22:28 on 2009-07-23Isn't it over 4, in fact?

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Viorica

at 23:13 on 2009-07-23

but it has a nasty whiff of Clare wanting to include a gay character, but not wanting to actually think too hard about the nasty details of two men being a couple.

She comes from fandom, and fandom is very big on fetishising gay relationships without actually respecting the particpants as *people*. Basically, there's a lot of porn, and angst is poured on lke chocolate sauce, but the characters themselves might as well be actors in a pornography for all the depth they get. That sound about right?

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Dan H

at 15:53 on 2009-07-24The weird thing is that it isn't even porny, it's totally perfunctory. The only evidence that they're remotely attracted to each other is the fact that they talk about it a certain amount.

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Arthur B

at 17:04 on 2009-07-24Sounds like tokenism to me - idly mentioning that two characters happen to be gay and into each other in order to tick the box, and then forgetting all about it.

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Arthur B

at 22:43 on 2009-07-25Behold:

the serpent eats its own tail

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Viorica

at 00:59 on 2009-07-26You know what's really funny about the whole thing? One of the first stories posted in that section was a well-known

Roswell

fanfic with the names changed. The best part was when one of the "author's" defenders pointed out that "Even CC used to borrow from people!"

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Leia

at 09:31 on 2009-10-14Now that I've finally got round to reading these books, I can finally comment on your reviews, Dan. What was your take on the incest?

The weird thing is that it isn't even porny, it's totally perfunctory. The only evidence that they're remotely attracted to each other is the fact that they talk about it a certain amount.

But can't one say the same thing about Clary & Jace or Simon & Isabelle & Mai? I mean, there isn't really much reason why the respective individuals have fallen in "love" each other (put in quotes because I am old and jaded and wary of using that word to describe teenage romantic relationships) in the space of a month other than they just are...

That aside, I am torn between really liking the original ideas that CC put in the books (and the trope reversion she did on some of the more derivative ideas) and despairing of the way the protagonists are portrayed. I have less problem with Clary being able to make new runes - there is at least an explanation for that in-story and the hero being "Chosen"/"Super-Speshul"/"Uniquely Powerful" is a trope as old as time and it's not going to change with this book - than I do with Clary being written as an inconsistent and generally unlikable person and at the same time as a character that the writer evidently expects us to love and admire.

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Dan H

at 16:02 on 2009-10-14

But can't one say the same thing about Clary & Jace or Simon & Isabelle & Mai?

To an extent, but I think there's a difference. Clary and Jace, for all its histrionics is actually given pagecount. Within the worldview of an adolescent power fantasy, meeting the Boy of Your Dreams and falling in love with him instantly is perfectly acceptable, and we get *genuine* evidence that Clary has feelings for Jace. She thinks about him all the damned time after all.

Simon's relationships are given cursory treatment, but they really are cursory relationships.

Basically Simon gets relationships that are like real teenage relationships, founded on convenience and vague physical attraction. Clary gets a relationship that is like teenagers *think* their relationships are or should be (q.v. Buffy/Angel, Bella/Edward etc). Alex gets ... sort of arbitrarily paired off with a man, because he is a gay.

I think you're right that Magnus/Alex is no *less* satisfying than Simon/Isabelle, but it's given greater significance within the text. Simon's relationships are secondary to his relationship with Clary, while Alex' "gay arc" is basically his entire story.

As for the incest, it didn't bother me, chiefly because I fully expected her to cop out at the end, which she duly did. On a more general note, I do find Fandom's obsession with incest slightly squicky, particularly when paired with its obsession with homosexuality.

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Leia

at 16:27 on 2009-10-14Well, I don't know if pagecount alone counts (pun unintended!) as substance. I mean, Clary's romance(s) will definitely take center-stage because she is the main character and naturally, anything that has to do with her will be the focus of the story. Also, TMI is pretty much a romance between Clary & Jace with the backdrop of a demon-infested Manhattan and an impending war to keep things interesting. But despite all the paragraphs used to describe their epic love, Clary's and Jace's feelings for each other don't seem to be anything deeper than physical attraction. Unless they're making out, they don't even act as if they *like* each other most of the time. The same can be said about Alec and Magnus. They apparently "love" each other because they're both hot and oriented in a way that make them attractive to each other.

Simon's feelings for Clary (and Alec's for Jace) are the only ones that might actually make sense - but again, you wonder why *anyone* would fall in love (not lust, but love) with people who resemble Clary and Jace in real life.

I'm miffed that she copped out of the incest at the last minute, especially after she claimed that she wrote TMI because of research done on Genetic Sexual Attraction and the Westermack Effect. There was something almost intellectual about the emphasis on Clary having no physical attraction to Simon because of their close history while she had a strong attraction to Jace because of the GSA effect. Then she nixed that completely and completely contradicted every attempt at intellectualism by adding the melodramatic and medieval angle of Clary being violently repulsed by Sebastian/Jonathan's kiss.

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Dan H

at 00:26 on 2009-10-15I think we're talking at slightly cross purposes. I don't think Clary/Jace is *functional* but I think it's *believable* not in the sense of being realistic, but in the sense of being something you can understand. You can understand that Clary is invested in the relationship.

By comparison, Alex/Magnus has a bit of the old Tonks/Lupin about it. It just kind of comes out of left field.

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Leia

at 07:35 on 2009-10-15OK, I see what you mean. I don't really agree with it. Alec/Magnus didn't appear out of the left field to me - CC's writing isn't particularly subtle. What seemed debatable was whether Alec was invested in the relationship and I think the scene with Jace, when Jace confronts him about his (Alec's) own crush on him (Jace) and Alec faces the fact that his crush isn't so much about love but about safety, covers this.

Er... I can't believe I am defending TMI! I'm not saying the Alec/Magnus romance was particularly well done... but it's about par to most of the other romances in the book. It certainly was better than the Jocelyn/Luke which was one that I really thought came out of the left field and was just CC's insistence on having a cookie cutter happy ending for all characters.

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Dan H

at 11:53 on 2009-10-15I think the thing is that in most of the other relationships I can see what the partners find attractive about each other, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. Clary is attracted to Jace because he's exciting, dangerous and forbidden. Simon is attracted to Clary because they're good friends and he'd like to be "more" (plus Clary is of course super-speshul).

By comparison, Alex seems to be attracted to Magnus because ... well ... because they're both gay. Part of it is simply that Alex isn't a viewpoint character so we don't get his perspective on things, but I do think that you have to be very careful with homosexual relationships in fiction not to reduce them to "I'm gay, you're gay, let's do gay together".

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Sister Magpie

at 15:20 on 2009-10-15Heh. You're reminding me of that movie Grand Canyon where a characters sets up two people he barely knows, telling them they're perfect for each other. And it turns out they do get into a great relationship. But then one day they realize that neither of them knew the guy very well...so why exactly did he think they were so perfect for each other when he didn't know either of them.

And then one of them says--quite possibly correctly: "Maybe we're the only black people he knows."

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Andy G

at 15:42 on 2009-10-15

"I'm gay, you're gay, let's do gay together"

This could have a certain appeal as a very direct chat-up line however ...

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Jamie Johnston

at 00:28 on 2009-10-16Ooh, I can one-up Sister Magpie's story with an anecdote from Real Life! A show I was in had two and only two gay men in the cast, and practically everyone else was seriously shipping them throughout rehearsals. I was all righteous and "Yeah but you're only saying that because they're the only two gay men", and everyone else said, "Mm, true", and then they got together and remain to this day a lovely couple. Don't you hate it when tokenism works?

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Leia

at 07:27 on 2009-10-16

Oh I certainly agree that one has to be careful with tokenism and there is a lot of tokenism in TMI. At the same time, I think - as much as I hate defend CC - that I'll have to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she put just as little thought towards Alec's feelings for Magnus as she did to Isabelle's feelings for Simon and certainly more than she did to Jocelyn's feelings for Luke. In fact, that's probably not even a compliment!

I'm actually more miffed about the "Sebastian is eveeel" because he has demon blood when the whole series hinges on the concept that it is wrong to discriminate or persecute the Downworlders for their demon ancestry.

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Wardog

at 09:40 on 2009-10-16Just to throw in my two coppers, about a book I haven't read ... I think the difference is that thoughtless heterosexual relationships have, well, centuries of cultural precedence behind them. It is very easy to invest in heterosexual relationships because we join up the dots automatically even when the author doesn't bother to do it for us. It doesn't matter whether we personally find the *depiction of the relationship* convincing.

Take Clary and Jace - as Dan says above, The Dangerous One and The Superspecial One is a well-established trope.

The problem with homosexual relationships is that what you tend to get is The Gay One and The Oher Gay One.

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Dan H

at 10:25 on 2009-10-16

Once again it's rather reminiscent of the treatment of muggles and muggleborns in Harry Potter.

Treating non-wizards as second class citizens because they can't do magic? Fine. Treating wizards as second class citizens because they have ancestors who can't do magic? Not fine.

At the risk of getting onto highly dangerous ground, it's a lot like some of the well-meaning-but-actually-rather-dodgy stuff you got post 9-11 about how you shouldn't be prejudiced against Muslims that all wound up saying "remember, some Muslims aren't terrorists, although they probably know people who are".

Although on a wider level, I think that might be a problem with using "demon" as a metaphor for "minority". There's a big difference between being black or gay and being a bloodsucking corpse that regularly kills people.

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Leia

at 10:46 on 2009-10-16

The politics of the TMI fantasy world certainly isn't very well thought out. The Shadowhunters are supposed to protect the mundies from demons... but they despise them and treat them like dirt. And like the Muggle/Muggle-born dilemma of HP, this is something that is never addressed in the books. If anything, the author supports the "Mundies suck!" rule when she turns Simon into a vampire so that he can be more of an equal to Clary and her new gang of super-speshul teens. Then going back to Sebastian - he's evil because he has demon blood as a result of Valentine's experiments but why aren't Clary & Jace saints for having angel blood?

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Dan H

at 23:42 on 2009-10-16

but why aren't Clary & Jace saints for having angel blood?

I'm not certain that we aren't supposed to think that they are...

Gosh that's a lot of multiple negation.

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Wordless

at 07:23 on 2009-11-12Im sorry I know this petty but did you notice the number of punctuation errors in the entire book. Comma splices, nonsensical metaphors....alright its a personal issue but when your grade average goes from A to B/C because of lousy grammatical errors in an essay and you see a grown woman publishes an entire fucking book AND its a bestseller!!! well...just makes you wanna piss on education doesn't it?

That just pissed me right the fuck off!!! the guy already SAID he speaks Romanian....I sat for another hundred pages waiting for the relevance of that. Well...at the point where Sebastian died, i realized there wasn't. call me an idiot but I thought there'd be a last little dialogue: Maybe a "remember what i said..." or something.that was a stupid piece of paragraph that was pretencious and made me wonder what people who actually read Romanian and felt like

you know, someone comes up to with a superior expression and says;

Hi My name is Kimberly. I speak English. How are You?

Plus Magnus as a character intrigued me for a while, at least in the beginning before the whole gay thing....i liked his little autobiography even thought he would be that gray character that was a little complex. then he said he loved Alec. then I threw up.

*sigh*no im not done yet.

but to speed it up I'll ask my problems in the form of questions.

Did anyone notice that Aldertree read like a mixture of Fudge and Umbridge?

Malachi was that new minister of magic watisface-the lion dude!

what was the point of he clave?-they did nothing significant from start to finish

where was the Urban fantasy? it read like a medieval one-no electricity, cars basically most of the stuff that makes urban life well...urban. Clares exact words were:"these urban landscapes hold their own reverence, beauty"blah blah blah... so yeah where was that?

ugh.

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http://quimtessence.livejournal.com/

at 01:51 on 2009-12-08Agreed. On everything. Agreed!

My point, however, is on the bit of Romanian that is gratuitously quoted above by you: It. Does. Not. Make. Any. Sense. At all.

Just... What the fuck? It's pointless. There are spelling mistakes in it. It's... so random. I feel violated, truly.

I wish I could add more to this, but the trilogy is just as bad as I always knew it would be from the instant someone mentioned to me that Cassandra Claire, known Harry Potter fan fiction plagiarist, had been professionally published.

*headesk*

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Bookwyrm

at 03:39 on 2013-02-06Oh the Mortal Instruments Series... how I loathe thee.

I'll spare you all rant about all the things I detest about this series and just ask a few questions about some major plot points.

(Spoiler Warning)

Do you think the reason that Clary and Jace's attachment to each other is a result of the angel blood? If I recall correctly the Faerie Queen said something about a predication about Clary falling for someone with the same blood. Maybe having angel blood creates some kind of magical soul-link or something.

When the angel gave Clary a wish why did she only use it to save Jace instead of asking the angel to resurrect all of the people who died in battle?

Also is it wrong that I somehow liked Sebastian better than Jace even though I knew he was evil before I read the book?

#Ferretbrain #The Mortal Instruments #City of Ashes #Dan H #Harry Potter #Cassandra Clare

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diegest · 5 years ago

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I feel like the more I age, the less I feel the need to interact with extended family at all.

Today I drove for 4 hours from my place to my dads. He, my brother, and I got dinner together and my dad and I had a beer while there.

Then we went to my grandma and grandpas house. Grandpa was in an oddly super upbeat mood, which was cool since he’s usually pretty neutral appearing toward everything. Grandma was napping and when she woke up she told me about how after working at her job for 24 years, her boss started to be a dick to her to the point she wants to retire and he’s being more of a dick now because of that. She told me she’s been switching her depression medication recently to try to make it better but for the most part, isn’t eating much lately and isn’t enjoying a whole lot out of life lately either.

Dad had to put his two cents in and say that she overthinks, overreacts, and it’s all in her head. Grandpa has to constantly attribute her depression struggles to the fact she doesn’t regularly attend church like he does.

Then we talked about the pandemic. I told them about going to high school with a guy who recently became an ER nurse and told Facebook friends that it’s pretty bad and to stay home as much as you can if necessary. Dad, grandpa, even my brother all said they think it was a virus created in China as a form of population control and all had to compare it to flu statistics. Really?? Y’all didn’t get a clue they aren’t all that alike in the last few months?? Do you really have to see someone fucking suffer from it in order to believe it’s true?? Whatever.

Then we got onto the topic of, “the riots and racism” and dad seriously thinks racism doesn’t exist anymore “because it’s come a long way” and “you used to never think a black person would be president or First Lady” therefore it doesn’t exist?? And he had to preach that tired ass bullshit of, “more white people are killed” among other things right in front of my grandparents. I told him, “we can argue about this later.” So fucking uncomfortable.

I got a hold of one of my best friends, Morgan, and asked her if I needed to if she could fake a phone call for me so I could just come home. She’s such a fucking bro. She was down even if it never came to that. 😂

Then dad left my grandparents and my brother and I stayed longer. I mostly just talked to my grandma about her job, future retirement, depression, etc.

Braden and I went back to dads place after a text from dad saying not to stay there too late because grandma has work in the morning. When we got back we just sat in the living room and talked for a while. He left for his moms place for the night and now it’s currently 11:15pm and I’m laying on his bed hoping I can wake up early enough tomorrow to just get the fuck out of here and make that 4 hour drive back home.

It just sucks. I’m too tired to give too many fucks about my vocabulary currently and probably can’t think as coherently as usual, but it sucks. It sucks driving so far away to be a part of your families lives when they won’t make the effort to do the same for you. Sucks your family is comprised of bigots who will never learn. Sucks you can’t be around more often to help facilitate and educate. Sucks I can’t be at my dads house without him being a dick to either me or my brother about anything or everything.

It makes me feel so alone. I feel like the extended family member i can relate to most is my grandma and I know she won’t live forever. Her brother died by suicide decades ago and sometimes I worry she will succumb to that same thing. I feel like I can talk to her about almost anything and I wish more than anything I could have that same relationship with other extended family members. Or even my own parents.

I told my brother finally tonight that I’m bi. Or, rather, I worded it as, “a little bit gay.” But I’m sure he can figure that out since he knows I’m with T❤️. I figured, fuck it. My brother doesn’t judge me and frankly we don’t see each other enough to be judgemental toward one another so why not?

Also told my family tonight that we’ve been looking at other states to move to as he’s applied to several positions in other states. I’m so proud of him ❤️ I hope to find another psychiatric facility to work under or something new psychology related and if I’m in the state for a year or two I can get in state tuition and go for my masters in clinical mental health counseling finally. Hopefully. Maybe. 😅 I would love to.

I’m just so psyched about potentially having a fresh start somewhere before the end of the year with someone I’m just head over heels in love with. I can’t believe my luck. He’s so sweet, generous, sincere, honest, compassionate, smart, and such a goofball. I feel like our time together is mostly laughing and I feel so complete when I’m around him. ❤️

I can’t wait to potentially have more nights where we cook together, have more snow days together, continue raising pets together, and a million other things that my tired brain can’t form into sentences right now.

TLDR; my family is bigoted and shit, my grandma is a sweetheart and is the easiest extended family member for me to talk to, and I cannot wait to hopefully move far away from my bigoted family and get a fresh start with the man I love.

I’m exhausted. And I think I’ve earned my sleep.

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

Text

30 Minute Experiment: High School #30ME

Since Cuomo isn’t coming on until 12:30, let’s do this.

Little not-so-secret about the subject of these 30 Minute Experiments (#30ME) is that while I do decide on a topic in advance, usually for the next day’s writing, very often (as is the case today), it’s just the first word or thought that pops into my head. Don’t worry, I won’t be regaling you with stories from my own high school days because a.) They’re very boring and b.) I have forgotten most of that time, but maybe it seemed like a good follow-up to yesterday’s “Memory” topic BECAUSE I’ve put most of my high school days behind me. I say this now realizing that if I REALLY thought hard about my own high school days which were a very very long time ago now, I probably could remember bits and bobs. Like I know that I was fully into music in those days, and I was very much a denizen of Staples High School’s Building 4 where all the art, music and theater geeks spent the majority of their day. I was very lucky to be living in the artsy community of Westport, CT while growing up, although I was the only one of my three siblings who threw themselves fully into the arts, in my case, music.

But like I said, I’m not here to talk about my time in high school but just about high school as a concept. I’m not knocking education or anything based on my own experiences... like the fact that I deliberately failed junior English because I didn’t feel like writing about dolphins. Yes, I was a malcontent even in my younger days. It doesn’t just come with age.

I only was thinking about this idea of high school as a concept... and this is where I’ll bring movies into the discussion... is after watching Olivia Wilde’s Book Smart for the second or third time and realizing that high school really hasn’t changed much since my days. Sure, there’s more technology including smartphones and tablets and laptops, all being used even more these days with social distancing and home classes, but I feel like a lot of the general concepts have remained the same. There’s classes and cliques and certain people hang with others like them and jocks are supposed to act a certain way and studious academics act another way... and everyone is going through those difficult teenage years where you’re either overly confident about everything or perennially neurotic where you don’t know what to do with yourself, let alone someone of the opposite (or same) sex.

Every once in a while, these days will pop up into the fading memory section of my brain and I’ll remember one or two things that have definitely stuck with me well into what I’d like to consider my adulthood. But seeing new movies about high school like Book Smart or Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird for that matter, I realize that while the generations might be younger and in different times, lots of the situations are the same. I mean, if you were to watch say Fast Times at Ridgemont High back-to-back with Book Smart, you might see how little has really changed even if everyone is as lot more PC and careful about who they antagonize or offend... and yet, you still hear about all sorts of cyber-bullying, fat-shaming, overt and less overt gay bashing and racism... it’s all the same except the narrative has shifted.

Possibly a little bit of a tangent but like many, I reconnected with a lot of folks from high school thanks to Facebook, and I’ve even spent a bit of time with my former high school friends in person to realize that while many decades have past, we generally have the same shared interests that brought us together in high school.

I’m constantly intrigued by the idea of life following art following life and I may have mentioned earlier in this pandemic how worried I was about people seeing a movie like Contagion and feeling that they need to follow suit and buy everything in stores because we’re heading to a situation where we’re all doomed. (I mean, at this point, I hope everyone realizes that as bad as things may be, this is not the case.) I’ve always wondered this about prison as well.. .not that I ever plan on spending time there... but I’ve seen a lot of prison shows (HBO’s Oz being a favorite that I need to binge-rewatch soon) and movies and then seeing how real-life prison differs from it but also has some of the same general distinctions. Were the creators of these shows/movies just really smart about their research and references to recreate what it’s really like... or are some of the men and women entering prison changing their behavior by what they may have previously seen in movies and shows about prison. (Note: I have a regular penpal in prison who has been very open with me about what life is really like in prison and it’s actually a lot more boring than most people might expect.)

It’s all about life vs. art and how one affects the other and in some ways, high school is a prison of a different sort, because we see these other shows and movies about high school life and maybe it looks far more glamorous than reality so we change ourselves and try to change our environment to match those visions of what we think high school should be.

Oddly I haven’t talked much about this stuff with my nephews, one is already well into high school and one going through his last few years, but I do feel like they’re both way more together about high school. In that way, they’re more like their mother (my sister) than my brother or I, as neither of us had the greatest experiences in high school even if it helped to mold us in good and/or bad ways.

This is already becoming one of those #30MEs where I’m looking at my watch wondering how much more I’ll have to write about this subject, and right now I’m at 11 minutes... wonderful! :)

I’m glad there are younger filmmakers and TV showrunners who have graciously shared their own experiences from high school so that us older folk can see what it’s like now, although it does seem to contain a lot of the same neuroses I had even if mine have carried me well into my 30s and beyond. (It might be since I never went to actual college like so many of my own peers, but that’s probably a conversation for another #30ME down the road. It’s a VERY long story why I never went, and some might be surprised that part of it was... get this... that I wasn’t comfortable enough in my writing to write the essay required for most college applications. This is the guy writing for 30 minutes uninterrupted every day who can probably knock out 1,000 words without blinking.)

But back to high school... it’s something I sometimes wonder about and maybe I should be rewatching some of the great docs that have been made about the high school experience, but never fear. I will never write a movie about high school as it’s not something interesting enough for me to think about for more than 30 minutes at any given time.

Maybe after writing this, it will be the last thought or words I have to say about high school, but make no mistake that it’s a time in everyone’s life that has forever defined them as hard as anyone tries to change things afterwards. I’ve never personally gone to any of my high school reunions, as easy as it might have been to jump on the Metro-North back to CT to do so. (My parents moved away from CT almost right after I moved to NYC and my sister went to school in Boston so it’s not like I would have somewhere to stay if I did go back.)

5 minutes left and I’m already regretting my choice of this topic, but part of the point of this experiment is to pick a topic and stick with it, even if it’s only for 30 minutes, and I’m definitely trying to stretch some time as I run out of things to say about “high school.”

Anyway, I guess the reason it’s today’s topic is because it was driven by yesterday’s topic of “memory” and how little I actually remember from my high school days... and maybe it’s better that I don’t remember stuff if it’s what’s driving where I’m at these days. Sure, I probably would have done some things different but I have no regrets as much as I tried to put that past behind me by moving to NYC and redefining if not completely reinventing myself. (It was actually funny when I would run into old Westport chums when I was working in the Sam Ash music department because it happened a few times but the internet and Email was still very early in those days, so it wasn’t like I stayed in touch with any of those friends after running into them years later.)

There’s probably no real lessons to be learned from today’s #30ME, and maybe this is just more of me doing a lot more freewheeling rambling than I normally do in one of these things, other than pushing myself to think more about the past than I generally care to.

Yup, that’s pretty much all I have to say, and thankfully, it looks like my time is up... for today. Back tomorrow!

#highschool #30ME #30MinuteExperiment

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thedesperatehousehusband · 6 years ago

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Being a Handmaid Ain’t Easy

Hello Friends and Neighbors. The Desperate Househusband has been on a break for a bit. Not on purpose just because we’ve been busy. And I also decided that I had a topic I wanted to write about but not until we finish the source material.

I anticipate this post will bother some people. So be it. It’s fine. It happens.

Juan and I have spent the last month watching The Handmaid’s Tale. We decided to go ahead and sign up for Hulu. But the hope was we could whiz through both seasons during the 30-day trial offer period. We almost made it. It’s OK though. This show is worth $7.99 or whatever Hulu costs for a month. We’ve already cancelled the service because the last thing we need is another way to watch TV. But I digress….

I’ve wanted to watch The Handmaid’s Tale for a while. Both seasons received terrific reviews and a slew of Golden Globes and Emmys awards and nominations for the next cycle. Typically, we like to stay abreast of the hot shows especially if they are also award winners. So here’s my take. It’s incredible. It’s very well acted. Elisabeth Moss is amaze-balls. She’s reason enough to watch even though I hate that she’s a Scientologist. But the point here is be accepting of everyone so that’s what I’m going to be of Elisabeth Moss. Samira Wiley, Joseph Fiennes, Ann Dowd, Alexis Bledel, Yvonne Strahovski and Max Minghella are all awesome. I love the woman who plays Janine and the woman who plays Rita. I did not trust Eden. At all. Then shit got real for her. But she gave a good performance.

The general gist is that something has gone on with birthrate and there are very few babies being born and then living. So some sort of whack-a-doo group of crazy puritanical mother fuckers create a coup. And take over the government. Soon woman are not allowed to have jobs, bank accounts and ultimately not even allowed to read. Women known to be fertile become “handmaid’s” where they are raped by their owners. Because when in Gilead a handmaid is owned. You are no longer June. You are Offred. Meaning you are The Handmaid of Fred Waterford. So, so, so fucked up. There’s a whole structure and system of maids called Martha’s and the Aunt’s who somehow have a bit of power but they are the only women who sort of have jobs. Then there are the wives who become the mothers of the babies after they are weaned from the handmaids. I mean……..

I hate Fred Waterford. Which is painful because it’s hard to hate Joseph Fiennes. But in this instance it’s easy as fuck. Because Fred Waterford is the devil. Like the demonic spawn of Satan even though he truly, truly believes he’s following God’s word. I can’t. Serena Joy is his wife. She is basically bipolar. She has moments of kindness then moments of pure evil. I want to love Aunt Lydia but I just can’t. She believe the shit that she says. Moira is an awesome character. So is Emily. Janine pisses me off sometimes but she still has this innate positivity even though she is a baby factory who is raped monthly. Bless her heart. Nick Blaine is a fantastic character though I would really like to get into his background.

There’s resistance. There’s people who are hung on walls to die. There’s an underground movement to get June out. There’s a lot of suffering. There’s a lot of oppression. Gilead does not really excel with tourism or even basic human rights. Who would want to go there? This is the place where they refer to gay people as “gender traitors”. Oh. My. God.

It’s a damn good show. I’m very glad we watched particularly as the Emmy’s are in about a month. It is also the most anxiety-inducing show I have ever watched. This is part where some people might get upset…….I feel like we’re one fucked up election and supreme court justice away from Gilead potentially becoming real.

Theocracy doesn’t seem out of the question. This has always been a country where God and Jesus are a big deal. I mean the whole fucking country was formed by Puritans who thought the Church of England had gone all loosey goosey. Mike Pence is a theocrat. As governor of Indiana he went out of his way to enact legislation that discriminates against gays and women’s reproductive rights all in the name of religion. So basically he’s Fred Waterford…..

When June and Luke are trying to escape to Canada they are ultimately caught. June is running through the woods with Hannah. When they are apprehended, Hannah is taking away from her mother. Hmmmmm……let’s see. It feels like we just did that to 1,000 kids at the border.

But don’t let the bastards grind you down. Nevertheless she persists. That’s the message that you actually have to take away. Complacency is not allowed. Forwarding articles from the Huffington Post to your Facebook feed is fine. But voting is better. Supporting candidates is better. Being indignant and self-righteous is fine. But voting is better. Being involved in your community is better. Help those less fortunate. Help those in need. Don’t let dumbasses be the loudest voices. Racism, bigotry are not American values. Even though we have a pretty shitty history on both fronts. Even today.

Of course, I need to take my own advice as well. I vote. I donate. But I could do more. If you see something, say something. That’s the rule at the airport but it’s also the rule in life.

In closing, I need to remember that Gilead is not real. Even though it feels really fucking real. I suppose that’s one of the reasons the show has become popular. Margaret Atwood was oddly prescient in 1985 when she wrote the book. I don’t think she expected to be. But let’s keep fiction fiction. Praise be.

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vagabondretired · 7 years ago

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Empty seats, empty minds......... A "little practical joke" morphed into a teachable moment after Norwegian regular guy Johan Slattavik posted a photo of empty bus seats - which looked oddly like women in burqas - to the right-wing, anti-immigrant Facebook group Fedrelandet viktigst ("Fatherland First") and asked “What do people think about this?” The question and purported image struck at the current, sometimes ugly debate across Europe about the rising number of Muslim immigrants; in Norway, their presence has become controversial enough the country's right-wing government has proposed a law to ban women's veils - both the burqa and more severe niqab - making it the first Scandinavian country to do so. In response to the inflammatory sight of all those bus seats, hundreds of horrified white nationalists swiftly took the bait. "It looks really scary, should be banned," wrote one. "You can never know who is under there." "Frightening times we are living in,” said another, who insisted "those who look like collapsed umbrellas" need to leave the country. Also, "I thought it would be like this in the year 2050, but it is happening NOW!!!!” Slattavik was aghast: "The hatred that was displayed toward some empty bus seats really shows how much prejudices trump wisdom.” The head of the Norwegian Center Against Racism likewise cited the speed at which "people can find confirmations of their own delusions." "People see what they want to see," he said. "And what they want to see are dangerous Muslims."

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ryanjtrimble · 8 years ago

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A Meditation On Giving Up

(Reading time: 9 minutes, 1800 words)

I have a friend who built a marketing company then sold it for a few million dollars. He’s a thin, long man, with bright lips that squeeze his green eyes into sparkling slits. The sun has bronzed his hair and skin. He sold his company because, as he put it, “I have problems with marketing ethics, and being at a computer all day estranges you.” Today he runs a meditation clinic. For free.

So I attended on a Wednesday afternoon, and for twenty minutes I tried to hold one thought in my mind: essence.[1]

I wasn’t focusing on the word "essence," but this particular idea of essence, as a kind of substance that inheres in everything, the substratum of existence. The embryo of “this.” Soul. The thing I feel toward.

Now, you might call this a mystical notion of essence. In fact, most modern philosophers say that essence isn’t a “thing” at all; it’s a feature of language. They believe we have confused a linguistic placeholder as some metaphysical extant. In the words of A.J. Ayer, metaphysicians have been "duped by grammar."

Psychologists also reject the idea that essences are metaphysical. Cognitive psychologist Paul Bloom suggests we "have a default assumption that things, people and events have invisible essences that make them what they are." In short, for the psychologist, our belief in essences doesn't result from language, it’s simply how we cognize; we’re born to think this way.

Psychologists and philosophers can have their way. I’m not religious about my notion of essence. It’s just an idea that brings me pleasure, a story I tell myself. And the moral of the story is “What if?”

So I sat, trying to keep my mind locked on this invisible concept (which is probably far too complex a thing to meditate on, but I like a challenge), and after twenty minutes I ate a raisin, because my guru friend, who was guiding the meditation, told me to do so. He also instructed me to pay attention.

I noticed, for the first time while eating a raisin, more than the taste of sugar and the scent of something like tobacco. I tasted not only the grape, but also the water that fed the grape, and the sun that cured it. I tongued every wrinkle of that dead piece of fruit, and all I tasted was life.

Then I smiled, opened my eyes, and exhaled.

I can’t say much about meditation or Zen Buddhism—despite following Sam Harris’s blog, despite having taken Philosophy of Buddhism 400R, despite noticing across the Interwebs what seems to be a Millennial exodus away from Christianity toward an American version of Eastern spirituality—but I can tell you this: concentrating on one idea for 20 minutes is not unlike smoking a joint. It brings personal insight, wider awareness, and psychological homeostasis. (If any of you diehard meditators are offended by this comparison, go meditate and chill. Or smoke a joint. Or both.)

What’s interesting, though, is that I didn’t gain any insight into this idea of essences—the thing I was concentrating on—no, quite the opposite. I gained insight into practical matters, namely, the things I resist. And the insight was this: stop resisting.

This isn't a profound realization by any means (I've seen at least a dozen memes kicking around the web in recent months that read "resist nothing"). But it's a profound feeling when you get a passing taste of it. And, for me, the taste is always passing, because my default mode is to attempt to control the world.

In a recent post I bemoaned the corporate life, social media, and the conflict I feel over my desire to "make it" as a writer. Meditation revealed these areas of my life as sources of conflict, but did so in an indirect way; the insights came in the calm wake after I opened my eyes. It was during this chill interlude that I came to see these aspects of my life not as hurdles, but as simply that—aspects of my life. Features of existence. And seeing them in that light gave me a new outlook on how to navigate them: with gratitude. For a moment I breathed lighter, saw clearer, felt stronger.

Now, I wish I could tell you that I've since taken up daily meditation. Given the dividends, that would be the obvious thing to do. But in the morning, the first most suitable time to meditate, I'm lured by a warm bath and a cup of green tea. Or I'm distracted by email, or tempted by what new Facebook likes I've acquired overnight, as if I could make bank deposits with them. Or I'll manage to read and write for a spell, or stretch out in my boxers on a blue yoga mat. But after that I'm aching to get out the door. And in the evening, the second most suitable time to meditate, I want to write and read, and listen to music, and pedal the streets in search of a story or a shot; I want to taste my dinner and take my children to the park; I want to argue and have sex with my wife; I want to waste time on the back porch, alone, with a beer and a dream in my head. And I do, right up until my body unfolds, belly up, on my knock-off Tempurpedic mattress. So another day goes by wherein I fail to meditate.

But just because I haven't meditated in the pure sense of the word doesn't mean I haven't meditated on the lesson I learned in those twenty short minutes. (I'm sure at this point Zen practitioners are balking at my suggesting that I learned something of meditation in twenty minutes. And they should. My experience doesn't even qualify as initiatory. But I'ma continue this train of thought anyway.) And here's what I've been meditating on: How can accepting the unsavory aspects of my life help me overcome them? I mean, in order to conquer those less favorable features of life don't we need to resist them? Even fight them? What does it look like to "resist nothing" when it comes to global warming, homelessness, and gross consumerism? How does resistancelessness work in the case of racism, sexism, or any of those -isms that aim for a right but leave an aftermath of wrong?

I'm not gonna attempt to answer these questions, because I don't know whether we're best to approach these problems in the style of Muhammad Ali or Mahatma Gandhi. What I'm interested in though, intrigued by, even fractured by, is the seeming paradox of conquest through surrender.

~~~

When I was about nine I remember visiting my grandmother and seeing on her shelf a cheap ceramic knickknack—two hands pressed together in prayer—with the inscription:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

At the time the quote registered nothing. It seemed a vain and meaningless utterance, which tends to be the destiny of any oft-chanted or ritualized profundity.

Years later, when I was hurting for release from heroin addiction, I walked into an assembly hall or church of sorts and sat on a folding chair. And there amidst the flannel shirts and missing teeth and cups of coffee I read from a poster, in unison with two dozen other ragged souls, the 12 steps of AA, the first being, "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction."

I walked out.

"What a bunch of bullshit," I thought to myself. "How can I conquer anything that I profess to be powerless against?" Years later, with police and creditors hunting me, my wife one foot out the door with our children in arms, I returned to those rooms, because I felt I had no other choice. And this time I didn't try to make sense of it all. I just sat and listened.

Ironically, at the close of those meetings, us junkies would circle up hand-in-hand and recite what is commonly called the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Now, I'm not a believer in god, and I didn't stick with AA. In fact, I'd stutter if you asked me to cite any of the steps beyond Step 1. But I stayed long enough to come to believe, to know, there are aspects of life I'm powerless against. So I let go, and somehow I fell into sobriety.

Meditating that day reminded me of this relationship between courage and acceptance, and it exposed how I've been mustering a less effective kind of courage, a fighting kind. I've been looking at the world with disdain, and I've felt tied up as a result. Now, instead of hating the world, I'm working on my perspective. Oddly, that feels like courage and acceptance at the same time. But can I maintain this approach?

Today I savor the Serenity Prayer. It has taken on new and deeper meaning, which tends to be the destiny of any oft-chanted or ritualized profundity. I reflect on it as a close-but-not-quite guiding principle. (I also tend to see every guiding principle as close but not quite, because that seems to be how the world works; it doesn't conform to absolutes.) And though the Prayer loosely guides my way of being, I'm still angry with the world. Only now I'm trying to respond to my anger differently.

Some folks warn of a day of doom, when the earth will be purged with fire. From my view, though, the world is already burning. Every day that we drive our congested freeways, cast a vote, finance a dream, or seek permission, we pour on fuel, endorsing our corruption and folly from any and every side. Part of me wants to run away, to cower from the seething heat, become the mountain hermit or street bum. Part of me wants to bucket our evaporating water onto the flames, rage and fight, like those engaged in a good cause. And part of me, what I consider to be the best part of me, wants to dance on the hot coals, make art and love, while my body is slowly sifted into smoke and ash.

That's the kind of courage I'm struggling for. That's the kind of acceptance, the kind of giving in, I want to exemplify. But I'm not sure whether any amount of wisdom will help me distinguish the two, which is why I say the Serenity Prayer is close, but not quite. Maybe, if I would just discipline myself to sit and meditate, I could make sense of this paradox. Maybe, given enough time, I will one day have the courage to fight more graciously, surrender more supinely.

It is suggested that nascent meditators try to focus on one thing rather than clear their mind of all thought, as this is easier yet still effective.

#meditation #surrender #addiction

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