#october felt like a really long month but also it was over in two seconds

[tricitymonsters]

VARIOUS STUFF AND THINGS

OKAY I had a crazy couple of weeks there but finally Akello 3 is out and the next chapter is currently being staged... there's a couple of things I wanted to talk about!

First of all THANK YOU to everyone who participated in Kinktober! Yall had some great writings to share and I enjoyed going through EVERY single one. I think I made it to 19 or 20 this year because I just got overloaded but I wanted to give a big shout-out to @ioshk-chan cause she kept pace with me the whole time and in fact I think she posted Day 26 a couple days ago so GREAT JOB!

My kinktober writings will be put in a fancy pdf and released towards the end of November (I want some time to maybe get a few more in there) in case you feel the need for some light porny reading.

The NEXT thing I wanna talk about is that TCM's Soundtrack is now available on Steam! Here's some quick facts!

There are 2 separate albums you can get!

The first is the original soundtrack written and performed by Melonine for Tri City Monsters.

This OST contains 4 tracks: the main TCM theme and each character theme for Mori, Amir, and Akello.

The OST is $4.99 USD, DRM free, and will be updated for free if I get more music written especially for the game.

The second album is the Supplementary Soundrack. This contains about 29 tracks at present and includes all the other the background music.

The Supplementary Soundtrack is free to download, contains no DRMs, and will be periodically updated for free as I add new music to the game.

I know it would be convenient to throw this all into one download but in order to correctly honor the licenses for most of the stock music, I need to keep them 100% free.

I'm working to get the OST tracks released on Spotify (tentative, we'll see lol)

You can really easily use Steam's audio player with these or simply access the MP3/FLAC files yourself to import them to wherever you want to listen to them.

This will NOT replace the music room feature in game, you'll always be able to listen to all the tracks there!

In all, the downloadable albums aren't a huge deal but I wanted to make them available and Steam makes packaging soundtracks pretty easy.

[leona-hawthorne]

KINKTOBER #6– MY PRETTY LITTLE WIFE / mattheo riddle

october 21st somnophilia , body worship , overstim

mattheo riddle x fem reader

summary: one year anniversary with your husband

warnings: unprotected piv, somnophilia, overstim, oral (f receiving), fingering, praise, body worship, arranged marriage

words: 4.9k

a/n: the struggle that i had writing this was insane… i just never felt like i could get it quite right, but i’m gonna stop overthinking it. don’t really love it but that’s alright!

navigation kinktober masterlist

Mattheo lay beside you, staring at the ceiling, eyes tracing the same cracks in the plaster as they have for months. The morning light slipped through the curtains in thin slivers, cutting through the quiet of the room like the unspoken words that have hung in the air since the day you both said, “I do.”

It had been a year. A year of stolen glances and lingering touches that never went too far. A year of pretending the hunger in his chest wasn't real, that the way you looked at him sometimes didn't make his heart race in ways it shouldn't. He couldn't deny it anymore, not to himself. He wanted you—had wanted you for longer than he was willing to admit. But want was dangerous, and with it came the risk of exposing everything he'd been trying to keep buried.

So he stayed still, as he had for the past year, his heart pounding a rhythm that only he could hear. The tension remained, hanging over him, heavy and unrelenting, a constant reminder that something had to give. He just didn't know when—or how—it would finally break.

You were still asleep, your body turned away from him, and for a moment, Mattheo wondered if it was better this way—silent. No more venom-laced words. No more walls built so high neither of you could see over them.

His eyes raked over your figure, the rise and fall of your breathing hypnotic, and his fingers itched with the urge to reach out. He wouldn’t, though. Not after the way you’ve pushed him away all this time. And yet, here you were, in the same bed, your presence so close it suffocated him with all that’s left unsaid.

A year. A fucking year, and it felt like neither of you had taken a single step toward each other. But in this quiet morning, something was different. He could feel it, hanging heavy in the air. An anniversary isn’t just a date, it’s a reckoning—a moment to confront what’s been festering between you two for so long.

You stirred, rolling onto your back, eyes still closed, lips parted in a soft sigh. Mattheo’s heart stuttered. That sigh—it wasn’t laced with frustration. It was almost peaceful. For a split second, he wondered if you might wake up and look at him without that familiar disdain.

But then you turned again, away from him, and the moment slipped like sand through his fingers.

Mattheo clenched his jaw. He was tired of this—this endless dance of anger and yearning, frustration and desire. He hated you for how you’d made him feel—helpless, raw, desperate in a way that terrified him. And yet, he wanted you more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.

Today was supposed to mean something. The thought burrowed into his mind, gnawing at him. It’s your anniversary. One year of this madness. One year of pretending like it doesn’t hurt to be this close and yet so far.

He shifted, sitting up, his gaze never leaving you. The silence was heavier than it’s ever been. It was thick with the weight of everything unsaid, every insult, every half-glance, every touch that never happened.

“Happy anniversary, princess,” he muttered under his breath, the words dripping with sarcasm—but also something else, something bitter and almost…sad.

You didn’t stir. You didn’t hear him.

Of course you didn’t.

Maybe that was for the best.

Mattheo’s heart twisted in ways he didn’t want to admit as he watched you sleep. In sleep, you were untouchable, your face a canvas of peace he's never had the privilege of seeing when your eyes are open. No biting words, no tension pulling at the corners of your mouth. You were beautiful in a way that cut him to the core—a beauty that made him ache, made him question if he's ever hated you at all.

Gods, you were unreal.

He hated how easily that thought slipped in, how it consumed him as his eyes drank in the soft curve of your lips, the way your lashes fluttered ever so slightly against your cheek, even in sleep. There was no defense here, no barbed words to keep him at bay. Just you, unaware of the havoc you wreaked inside him.

Mattheo swallowed hard, his hand twitching at his side. He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. But the need was there, creeping up his spine like a poison he couldn’t shake. Just one touch—just to feel you without the wall of tension between you.

His fingers moved before he could stop himself, ghosting over the back of your hand where it lay beside you. The touch was light, barely there, but it sent a shiver through him all the same. He watched your face for any sign of waking, but you remained still, lost in whatever dream kept you so blissfully unaware of the storm raging inside him.

His heart pounded in his chest as his hand trailed upward, brushing against the soft skin of your forearm. He couldn’t help it. The urge to feel more of you was overwhelming, drowning out every rational thought that told him to stop. His touch was feather-light, almost reverent, as if he were afraid to wake you, to break whatever fragile peace had settled over this moment.

You shifted slightly, and Mattheo froze, his breath catching in his throat. But you didn’t wake. Instead, you murmured something incoherent, a soft sound that tugged at something deep in his chest. His fingers itched to go further, to trace the curve of your jaw, to let his thumb brush over your lips—lips he’d thought about far too many times in the dark when sleep refused to come.

He moved closer, his body inching toward yours, until he could feel the warmth of your skin radiating toward him. His fingers hovered just above your cheek now, hesitating. If you woke up now, what would you do? What would you say if you saw him like this, caught between resentment and something far more dangerous?

But you didn’t wake. You stayed still, serene, and Mattheo’s fingers finally grazed your cheek, the softness of your skin like fire under his touch. His thumb brushed just below your bottom lip, and his heart stuttered in his chest. He was too far gone now. The beauty of your silence, your stillness, had him unraveling.

For a moment, he let himself imagine a world where this wasn’t an accident, where you wanted his touch. A world where you turned toward him, those lips parting beneath his thumb, inviting him closer instead of pushing him away.

But that world wasn’t real. And he knew the second you woke, that wall would slam back up between you, higher than ever before.

Still, in this stolen moment, with you so close and unaware, Mattheo let himself fall—just a little further.

"Just a dream, princess..." he whispered, voice low and sultry, as if the very words could tether you to this moment forever. It was a lie, but one he relished—the illusion that this was safe, that you wouldn't wake up and shatter it all with your reality.

He leaned closer, just inches from your face, his breath mingling with the morning air. Your lips were soft, slightly parted, and he felt an overwhelming urge to taste them. Instead, he pressed a gentle kiss against the corner of your mouth, his heart racing at the intimacy of it, but the touch was still too innocent, too soft for what he craved.

"Mattheo..." you murmured, stirring slightly but not waking, and the sound sent a thrill racing down his spine. That voice—so full of vulnerability, so beautifully unguarded—made him ache in ways he didn't know he could.

"You don't even know," he breathed, his fingers trailing down to your neck, the warmth of your pulse thrumming against his skin like a live wire. He wanted to mark you, to claim you in a way that was irrevocable, but he held back, letting the reverence of the moment wash over him instead.

But the longing grew insatiable. With a slight hesitation, he slid his hand lower, fingertips brushing against your collarbone, down the slope of your shoulder, and over the soft swell of your breast, barely there but electric all the same. The connection sent shockwaves through him, a heady mix of need and desire surging like wildfire beneath his skin.

You shifted again, breath hitching in your throat, and Mattheo's heart raced. He leaned closer, lips hovering just above your ear, whispering like he was sharing a secret that belonged only to the two of you. "Just let me touch you... just like this."

His fingers curled gently around the curve of your breast, a cautious exploration, but the warmth spreading through him ignited a deeper hunger. He longed to feel every part of you, to drown in the intimacy that had always felt just out of reach. The feel of the soft fabric of your nightgown beneath his palm only fueled the fire inside him.

You stirred once more, a soft sigh escaping your lips. The sound cracked through whatever restraint he had left. With a sudden rush of desire, he pressed his palm firmly against you, feeling your heartbeat.

"Stay still," he murmured again, his voice thick with something almost raw. "Let me have this."

He wanted to hear you say his name, to see the look in your eyes when you realized this wasn't a dream. He wanted you to respond to him, to melt under his touch, and it drove him wild, the thought of making you unravel.

Mattheo’s other hand came up to cup your cheek tenderly, angling your face toward him as he deepened the pressure of his palm against your breast. He was drunk on the sensation of you against him—the warmth, the softness, the quickening rhythm of your heart beneath his fingers.

A part of him feared waking you now, fearful of losing this ethereal contact before it faded away. Somnolently, he tilted your chin upward, his thumb brushing lightly across your lower lip, tracing the delicate curves. His own breathing grew ragged, punctuated by low, steadying exhales.

The darkness of dawn clung to the edges of the room, yet in that moment, illuminated solely by the glow of the sun seeping through the curtains, they might have been lost in some alternate realm where such actions were permissible.

Slowly, deliberately, Mattheo leaned in, his breath ghosting over your lips, teasing them apart just enough for his tongue to graze your inner flesh. The gesture, though chaste, buzzed with unspoken promises.

His gaze flickered down to your nightgown, the lace edges calling to him in a way he couldn’t resist. Before long, your eyes fluttered open to the feel of his fingers skimming your damp folds, prodding and poking at your entrance, his touch feather-light and hesitant. His eyes darkened as they met yours, a soft hum escaping his lips as he noticed the drowsy lust in your dazed eyes.

With agonizing slowness, his fingers traced your slit, gathering the dewy evidence of your arousal. “Shh, sleep a little longer,” he coaxed, voice dripping with desire, circling your entrance with his thumb. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Just sleep. You’re dreaming, princess.”

Then, without warning, he sank a finger deep inside you, reveling in the tight heat that welcomed him. He moved languidly, savoring the slick glide as he pumped in and out in a slow, hypnotic rhythm. Your body reacted instinctively to the invasion, tiny gasps spilling from your lips, though your mind lingered in the haze of half-sleep.

Confusion swam in your half-lidded gaze as you stared up at him, your brow furrowing slightly as you struggled to make sense of the sensations assaulting your senses. A soft whimper escaped your throat, part protest, part plea, as your hips canted upwards almost imperceptibly into his touch. “What are you… Stop…”

But even as you whispered the denial, your body betrayed you, a fresh surge of wetness coating his invading digit. Mattheo swallowed hard, his free hand coming up to cradle your cheek, thumb brushing over your parted lips in a gesture meant to soothe even as his touch between your thighs grew bolder, a second finger joining the first in their relentless quest to unravel you completely.

His fingers stilled momentarily, the contrast between his touch on your cheek and the intensity between your thighs palpable. “Don’t fight with me, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice low and raw. “For once, please don’t fucking right with me.”

Desperation lingered in his plea, a vulnerability he rarely showed. “Let me take care of you… just this once. Let me show you how good it could be between us.”

Your chest rose and fell with each shaky breath, your eyes drifting shut as you surrendered to the unfamiliar sensations, the resistance in your muscles melting away.

With a tender kiss to your forehead, he resumed his gentle assault, pumping his fingers in and out of your slick heat with increasing depth and purpose. The wet sounds of your heat filled the room, punctuated by your own ragged pants and the occasional whimper that escaped your throat.

"You're so beautiful like this, sleepyhead," he murmured, his voice a husky whisper against your skin. "So perfect..."

As he continued to stroke you with deliberate slowness, he could feel your walls beginning to flutter around his fingers, a sign that you were nearing the precipice of release.

"Come on, baby," he coaxed, his tone a seductive purr. "Let go for me. I want to see you fall apart. For once, let’s use this bed for what it was made for.”

Your climax crashed over you in waves, nails digging into the sheets beneath you, fisting the fabric as you rode out the aftershocks, shuddering with the force of your orgasm.

Mattheo watched you intently as he withdrew his fingers from your spasming channel, bringing them to his mouth to taste your essence. A low groan rumbled in his chest as he savored the flavor of you, his eyes darkening with renewed hunger.

"Do you have any fucking idea what you do you me?” His voice was raw, a broken show of the desperate man he’d become. “Prancing around the house in those tiny little silk shorts, cursing up a storm at me anytime you got the chance," he muttered, his voice roughened by need. "So fucking hot. Wanted to touch you, taste you, take you in every position possible."

His lips trailed a searing path up your inner thigh, pausing to nip at the tender flesh before continuing his ascent. "Can’t count the amount of times I’ve imagined bending you over the kitchen counter and fucking you raw every time you’ve screamed at me for leaving my dirty clothes on the floor.”

Mattheo's words painted a vivid picture, each filthy promise igniting a firestorm of desire within you. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined your cold, distant husband harboring such primal urges towards you.

He paused as his lips reached your cunt, breath fanning over your wetness. "Tell me to stop, Y/N,” he growled, his voice a low challenge. "Order me to leave you alone, and I will. But if you don't..." His tongue darted out, licking a broad stripe up your center, tasting the lingering proof of your recent climax. "If you don't say 'stop', I'm going to devour you whole."

Mattheo's threat hung in the air, a tantalizing promise that sent shivers down your spine. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to push him away, to reclaim the distance that had grown between you over the past year.

Instead, you felt your hips twitch upward, seeking more of that intoxicating contact. A soft moan escaped your lips, the sound barely audible over the pounding of your heartbeat. "Please," you breathed, the single word a plea and a surrender all at once. "I...I don't want you to stop."

A triumphant growl rumbled in Mattheo's chest as he claimed your submission, his mouth descending upon your dripping core with unbridled hunger. His tongue delved deep, lapping at your folds with reckless abandon, savoring the unique taste of your arousal.

“Mmphh—” You tried forming coherent words but they wouldn’t come out. Your hands flew to his head, tangling in his hair as you held him close, encouraging his relentless assault.

Mattheo sucked gently on your clit, flicking the sensitive bud with the tip of his tongue before moving lower to lap at your entrance, his hot breath fanning over your sensitive flesh. "Fuck, you taste incredible," he rasped, his voice muffled against you. "Can't get enough."

As your moans grew louder, more frantic, he slipped two fingers back inside you, curling them just right to hit that spot that made stars explode behind your eyelids. His name fell from your lips like a prayer, a desperate plea for more, for everything he could give you.

He obliged, doubling his efforts, determined to wring every last drop of pleasure from your quivering body. "That's it, baby," he urged, his words vibrating against your core. "Let go. Come for me again."

Your second climax slammed into you with the force of a tidal wave, stealing the breath from your lungs and rendering you boneless beneath Mattheo's ravishing mouth.

But Mattheo didn't relent, not even when you went limp, your body thrashing in the throes of ecstasy. If anything, he redoubled his efforts, suckling harder on your oversensitive clit, dragging out another orgasm from you.

His actions bordered on cruelty, yet you couldn't bring yourself to protest, too lost in the overwhelming sensations he evoked.

Despite the blissful haze clouding your mind, a faint thread of panic began to unfurl, urging you to put a halt to this merciless onslaught before you shattered completely.

With a shaky hand, you managed to grasp Mattheo's hair, attempting to gently push his face away from your throbbing sex. "S-stop," you whimpered, the words tumbling out in a desperate plea. "Too much, can't take it..."

Mattheo ignored your feeble attempts to push him away, his mouth continuing its ruthless assault on your oversensitive sex. He pulled his fingers out of you and hooked your legs over his shoulders, only burying his face deeper in your cunt. "Not gonna stop," he groaned against you, his words a heated whisper against your slick folds. "Making up for all the times I didn't touch you. That's my job as your husband, right? To make you feel good. Let me make up for all the times I denied you that."

"Oh god, oh fuck, please..." you gasped, your hips bucking erratically as Mattheo drove you to new heights of ecstasy.

Tears streamed down your face, the overwhelming sensations threatening to tear you apart at the seams. Yet, even as your body trembled with exhaustion, you craved more, desperate for the release only Mattheo could provide.

"P-please," you sobbed, your voice raw and broken. "I n-need...I need..." Words failed you, your mind too fractured to articulate the depths of your desires.

Mattheo seemed to understand, his gaze locking onto yours with fierce intensity. "Shh, I know,"

He murmured soothingly, his warm breath caressing your fevered skin. "Just let go, baby. Give it to me. I've got you."

With those reassuring words, he sealed his lips around your throbbing clit once more, sucking hard. The sensations proved too much to bear, and with a keening wail, you surrendered to the torrent of pleasure crashing over you.

“Fuck! Oh, fuck.” Your orgasm ripped through you like a wildfire, consuming everything in its path. You convulsed wildly, your vision blurring as waves of ecstasy washed over you in relentless succession.

Slowly, he lifted his head, his lips glistening with your essence. "Beautiful," he breathed, his eyes burning with a possessive heat. "So fucking beautiful when you come undone for me."

With gentle hands, Mattheo reached for the hem of your nightgown, slowly peeling the fabric upwards to reveal inch after inch of smooth, unblemished skin. His gaze followed the movement, drinking in the sight of your bare flesh as if it were the most exquisite treasure he'd ever laid eyes on.

"God, look at you," he whispered, his voice thick with awe and hunger. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect."

He cupped your breasts, thumbs grazing over sensitive nipples, coaxing them to peak under his gentle touch. "And these...fuck, these are gorgeous. So responsive, so eager for my attention." He leaned in, capturing a nipple between his lips, suckling softly as he rolled the other between his fingers.

Every part of you was adored, worshiped, cherished—from your soft throat to the dip of your waist, from your round ass to the delicate skin of your inner thighs.

"You're stunning," he murmured, his hands gliding over your body with a reverence that took your breath away. "Every curve, every shadow...all mine. You’re fucking incredible."

His touch was tender, almost shy, as if he feared you might vanish if he wasn't careful. But there was a hardness to his gaze, a wildness that promised untold pleasures.

Mattheo trailed his lips across the landscape of your body, his mouth worshiping every swell and hollow with heartfelt devotion. From the elegant column of your throat to the tantalizing curves of your tits, he savored each inch with tender care.

Kisses peppered the valley between your breasts, his hot breath fanning across your skin. Downward he moved, tracing the gentle arc of your ribs, the dip of your navel, mapping the secrets of your body with lips and tongue.

Your skin tingled under his ardent attentions, each brush of his lips stoking the embers smoldering low in your belly.

He continued down your quivering body, trailing open-mouthed caresses along your thighs as his strong hands gripped your calves, kneading the supple flesh with appreciative murmurs.

"You temptress," he chided gently, pressing fervent kisses to the arches of your ankles. "For months now, you've been driving me mad without even realizing it. Sleeping in your tiny shorts, bending over just so, glaring at me with those eyes..."

"You're not serious," you mumbled, your voice laced with disbelief even as your heart raced at the thought. Could it really be true that he'd been craving you for so long? That you had unwittingly tormented him with your mere presence? You couldn’t bring yourself to believe it.

Yet, as you looked into Mattheo's intense gaze, saw the hunger and admiration etched on his features, a small spark of hope flickered to life within your chest.

"You have no idea what you do to me. One glance from those gorgeous eyes, and I'm putty in your hands. I’m fucking defenseless against you."

He brushed a lock of hair behind your ear, his fingertips grazing your skin with a feather-light touch. "Look at you, spread out like a feast before me. My God, you're breathtaking. Every curve, every freckle, every goddamn thing about you is perfection incarnate."

Mattheo's eyes burned into yours, his gaze heavy with lust and need. His hand slid up your thigh, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he urged you closer.

"Tell me, Y/N," he purred, his voice low and seductive. "Are you going to let me fuck you? Are you going to let me be your husband properly?”

He leaned in, his breath hot against your ear as he spoke. "I want to do this shit right. Just give me a do-over. Let me fuck you. Please let me fuck you. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved.”

After a moment of hesitation, you felt your resolve crumble under the intensity of Mattheo's gaze. A shaky exhale left your lips as you nodded, a tentative smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

"Show me," you whispered, your voice barely audible above the pounding of your own heartbeat. "Show me what it means to be your wife."

Your words seemed to ignite a fire within Mattheo. In an instant, he was hovering over you, his body a delicious weight pinning you to the mattress. His lips crashed against yours in a searing kiss, desperate and hungry, as if he were trying to devour you whole.

Breaking the kiss, he trailed his lips along your jawline, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin until you were writhing beneath him. "Fuck, baby," he growled, his voice rough with desire. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this."

He rocked his hips against yours, the hard length of him grinding against your core through the thin fabric of his boxers. The friction sent jolts of pleasure coursing through your veins, stoking the flames of your own arousal.

With a rapid urgency, Mattheo yanked his boxers down, freeing himself from their confines. His erection sprang forth, thick and hard, the tip glistening with precum. He positioned himself at your entrance, the head of his cock teasing your slick folds.

"Are you ready for me, princess?" he rasped, his voice strained with barely contained restraint. "I promise I'll make it good for you. So fucking good."

Without waiting for a response, he thrust forward, burying himself to the hilt inside your tight heat. A guttural moan tore from his throat at the exquisite sensation, his eyes fluttering closed as he savored the feeling of finally being one with you.

Mattheo's hips snapped forward, driving deep into your welcoming warmth with each powerful stroke. He set a relentless pace, his thick cock stretching and filling you completely with every thrust.

"Oh, fuck, Y/N," he groaned, his forehead pressed against yours as he battled to maintain control. "Tight little thing, aren’t you? Just relax, breathe."

His hands gripped your hips, fingers digging into your flesh as he pulled you onto him, meeting each of his deep, punishing drives. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room, punctuated by your moans.

Mattheo's movements became more erratic, his rhythm faltering as he neared the edge. Sweat beaded on his brow, dripped down the sides of his face, mingling with the strands of hair that clung to his forehead.

"You feel...fuck, you feel incredible," he panted, his breaths coming in short gasps. "Like heaven wrapped around my cock."

With a final, brutal plunge, Mattheo buried himself to the hilt and held there, his pulsing cock throbbing inside you as he rode out his orgasm. A hoarse moan ripped from his throat, his body shuddering with the force of his release as he emptied himself deep within your welcoming depths, but your own peak still remained frustratingly out of reach.

"Don't stop," you pleaded, your voice a breathy whisper against his sweat-slicked skin. "Please, Mattheo... I need..."

You trailed off, unable to find the words to express the aching emptiness that still gnawed at your core.

A wicked grin spread across Mattheo’s face, his spent cock still buried inside your fluttering sheath.

"Mmm, greedy girl," he purred, his voice a low rumble in his chest. "So eager for more."

He rolled his hips, grinding against your sensitive clit as he began to move again, his strokes languid and deliberate.

"That's it, baby," he coaxed, his breath hot against your ear. "Give it to me. I wanna feel you fall apart on my cock."

Mattheo's words, his fingered squeezing your hips hard enough to bruise, the way he moved inside you—it all combined to push you closer and closer to the brink.

"Yes, oh god, yes!" you cried out, your voice high and urgent. "A-ah, don't stop, please don't stop!"

Your nails dug into Mattheo's back, scoring his skin as you arched up to meet his thrusts. The coil of tension inside you wound tighter and tighter, until finally, with a sharp cry, you shattered. Waves of ecstasy washed over you, your pussy clenching around Mattheo's still-moving cock as you came hard. His gaze softened as he stared down at you.

"Precious girl," he murmured, his thumb brushing lightly over your quivering lip. Slowly, he withdrew from your slick heat, allowing your tender folds to flutter closed around the departing intrusion.

Rolling onto your side, you tucked a pillow under your head and turned to face Mattheo, who was now propped up on one elbow, watching you with an unreadable expression.

"What does this mean, Mattheo?" you asked quietly, reaching out to trace a finger along the ridges of his abdomen. "For us, I mean. What happens now?"

Mattheo's gaze drifted from your face to the path of your wandering fingertip, a small, enigmatic smile playing on his lips. He reached out, capturing your hand in his and bringing it to rest over his heart, which thumped steadily beneath your palm.

"We’ll figure it out.”

kinktober taglist: @mattheoriddles-slutt @theeslutintheroom @esmerai-artemis @gigival @cloudyyydayzzz @sn000py @abeoavita @yesiamthatwierd @shaquilles-0atmeal @roseofsharron438 @iouinotes @romantasyreader28 @c3liaaaaa @sleepiibunniiii @chemtrailsoverhogwarts @daenerystorgaryen @catching-fire-in-the-wind @emma-grace0 @tori-303 @ilovehpb0ys

[dandelions-143]

Secrets (finale)

Secrets 1 - 4 found here: Hyunjins Masterlist

All other members: Masterlist

Pairing: Non-Idol Hyunjin x Plus size/Mid size fem reader

Word Count: 2,700

Warnings: MDNI, 18+ ONLY, Sexual content, Strong language, Emotional Intensity

Summary: Hyunjin reenters your life, this time on your terms. With a heart still mending, you agree to a second meeting. But the question lingers—has the man you love truly changed?

A/N: as of right now this will be the final installment of Secrets. You may possibly get to see these two in other members stories that will be posted later. I really hope you enjoyed this story. It was very fun and challenging to write! Also I will be pausing any other posts of the bad boy series until October is over, due to Kinktober coming up! Stay tuned for more!

Two weeks had elapsed since that pivotal conversation in your mother's lush garden. Hyunjin had caught only fleeting glimpses of you as he concluded his business with your father. These brief encounters—a passing glance in the hallway, a distant figure in the garden—only intensified his longing. With each passing day, the weight of your absence grew heavier, and the looming departure tomorrow evening felt like an impending doom.

Hyunjin found himself in the spare bedroom of his temporary apartment, a space he'd leased for the month but which now felt suffocating with memories and unfulfilled hopes. Before him stood an easel, supporting a canvas awash with vibrant hues. His hands, once steady and sure, now trembled slightly, leaving smears of paint across his palms and fingers. The portrait taking shape on the canvas was unmistakably you, though rendered in hazy, dreamlike strokes—a reflection of his current state of mind.

As he gazed at the painting, a heavy sigh escaped his lips. The sound seemed to echo in the quiet room, emphasizing his solitude. You had always been a constant presence in his thoughts, a guiding star in his universe. But now, faced with the very real possibility of losing you forever, those thoughts had transformed into an all-consuming tempest. Every waking moment was filled with your image, your voice, your touch—memories that both comforted and tormented him. Even in sleep, he found no respite, his dreams a kaleidoscope of shared moments and imagined futures.

"Fuck," he groaned, his voice echoing in the empty apartment. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the room, highlighting the scattered art supplies and half-finished canvases. Hyunjin's eyes darted to his phone for the hundredth time that day, willing it to light up with your name. The sinking feeling in his gut grew heavier with each passing minute, whispering that he had lost you forever.

He stood up abruptly, unable to sit still any longer. His fingers ran through his hair, leaving it disheveled as he paced the room. The wooden floorboards creaked under his restless steps, a rhythmic accompaniment to his racing thoughts. The painting of you on the easel seemed to mock him, your eyes following his movements, a constant reminder of what he might have lost. Hyunjin's gaze kept returning to his phone, silently pleading for it to ring, to show any sign of your name on the screen.

Suddenly, the silence shattered like glass. The shrill ring of his phone cut through the air, sending Hyunjin's heart leaping into his throat. He lunged for the device, nearly knocking over a cup of paint-stained water in his haste. His hands trembled as he picked up the phone, fingers slipping on the smooth surface. Not bothering to check the caller ID, he answered without hesitation, his voice breathless. "Hello."

He tried to calm his racing heart, acutely aware of how loud his breathing sounded in the quiet room. There was a brief pause, the silence on the other end stretching for what felt like an eternity. Then, your voice came through the speaker, soft and hesitant, sending a shiver down his spine. "Hyunjin... I've been thinking about everything." His breath caught in his throat, his grip tightening on the phone until his knuckles turned white. He waited for you to continue, hardly daring to breathe. "Can we meet? I think we need to talk face to face."

Hyunjin's heart raced, pounding so hard he was sure you could hear it through the phone. He replied, his voice barely above a whisper, "Yes, of course. Where do you want to meet?" He held his breath, the anticipation of seeing you face to face, of finally having the chance to talk things through, was almost unbearable. He could hear the nervousness in your voice as you replied, the slight tremor matching his own internal turmoil. "I'm actually on my way to the address you gave me right now. I should be there in ten."

His eyes widened in shock, darting around the cluttered space of his apartment. Paint supplies were strewn about haphazardly, evidence of his restless attempts to capture his emotions on canvas. Half-finished paintings leaned against walls, their subjects a blur of colors and shapes. The air was thick with the acrid scent of turpentine, mingling with the earthy smell of oil paints. He quickly surveyed the chaos, his heart racing at the thought of you seeing his living space in such disarray. With only minutes to spare, Hyunjin began a frantic attempt to tidy up, his mind torn between the urgency of cleaning and the anticipation of your arrival. He moved in a whirlwind, shoving supplies into drawers and closets, his hands leaving smears of paint on every surface he touched.

"Uh, yeah! Yeah... I'll be here. My apartment is 224B," he said, biting his bottom lip as he rushed around to clean up as much as he could. His heart pounded in his chest, the anticipation of your arrival making his hands tremble slightly. "See you soon," you said before hanging up. Hyunjin's heart raced as he ended the call, his eyes darting around the cluttered room. He had mere minutes to make the space presentable before you arrived.

With frantic energy, he began shoving art supplies into drawers and closets, his mind a whirlwind of anticipation and nervousness. Paint-stained rags disappeared into a nearby hamper, and half-finished canvases were hastily propped against the wall, their still-wet surfaces gleaming in the afternoon light. The scent of turpentine hung heavy in the air, a testament to his recent artistic frenzy.

As he heard a soft knock at the door, he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation that could change everything. The sound seemed to echo through the apartment, making his pulse quicken even more.

That's when he remembered the paint on his hands. "Shit," he mumbled, his eyes widening in panic. He dashed to the kitchen sink, nearly tripping over a stray easel in his haste. "Coming!" he yelled, his voice slightly strained as he scrubbed his large hands vigorously under the running water. The cool liquid mixed with the vibrant colors, creating a swirling rainbow in the sink. He managed to get most—but not all—of the paint off, leaving faint traces of blue and green under his nails.

Hyunjin ran his wet hands through his black messy hair, hoping to tame it a bit. Droplets of water clung to the strands, giving him a slightly disheveled but endearing look. He quickly dried his hands on a nearby towel, leaving colorful smudges on the fabric. Then he stepped to the door, taking one last deep breath to compose himself before opening it smoothly.

As the door swung open, Hyunjin's breath caught in his throat. There you stood, your eyes meeting his with a mix of uncertainty and determination. The air between you crackled with tension, unspoken words hanging heavy in the silence. Your familiar scent wafted towards him, stirring memories of shared moments and whispered promises. Hyunjin stepped back, gesturing for you to enter, his chest tightening at the sight of you. "Come in," he said, his voice softer than he intended, betraying the emotions swirling within him.

You stepped inside onto the rug and took off your shoes, leaving them right next to Hyunjin's. The simple sight of your shoes beside his made your heart squeeze a bit, a physical representation of the closeness you once shared. The apartment was homey, a bit messy but you liked it. The warmth of the space enveloped you, a stark contrast to the cool autumn air outside.

Then you began to notice things... mainly how the apartment was decorated. Your eyes scanned the small yet modern kitchen, taking in the sleek appliances and the soft, warm lighting. The countertops were cluttered with various art supplies, evidence of Hyunjin's recent creative burst. A half-empty mug of coffee sat on the island. The whole scene felt intimately familiar, as if you were stepping into a dream you'd had countless times before.

Your gaze swept across the open living room, taking in the modern furniture adorned in comforting beiges and deep browns. "Hyunjin..." you began, words momentarily failing you. The apartment's decor mirrored exactly what you'd once described as your vision for a shared living space—a conversation you'd had when discussing plans to move in together.

You turned to him, your eyes brimming with a complex mix of emotions—surprise, confusion, and a glimmer of hope that you couldn't quite suppress. The familiar layout and color scheme stirred vivid memories of shared dreams and plans, making your heart flutter erratically in your chest. Every detail, from the soft beige walls to the strategically placed artwork, echoed conversations you'd had about your ideal living space. You wondered, with a mixture of awe and trepidation, if this was mere coincidence or a deliberate, painstaking choice on Hyunjin's part. As your gaze met his, words failed you, the weight of unspoken questions hanging heavily between you, almost tangible in the charged air.

Hyunjin shrugged slightly, a knowing smile playing on his plump lips, his eyes twinkling with a mixture of nervousness and anticipation. "I couldn't help myself," he admitted softly, his voice carrying a hint of vulnerability. "I wanted to be surrounded by you, by our dreams... I guess it was my way of holding onto hope." Your eyes widened, a kaleidoscope of emotions flickering across your face—surprise, tenderness, and a surge of affection you couldn't quite contain. The realization that Hyunjin had gone to such lengths to recreate your shared vision touched something deep within you, melting away some of the ice that had formed around your heart. Taking a hesitant step closer, you spoke softly, your voice barely above a whisper, "Hyunjin, I've been thinking a lot about you... about us..." You shook your head, struggling to find the right words to express the tumult of emotions swirling within you.

Hyunjin's eyes softened as he watched you struggle for words, his gaze filled with patience and understanding. He moved closer, closing the distance between you until you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. "I understand," he said gently, his voice barely above a whisper, the softness of his tone wrapping around you like a comforting blanket. "Take your time. I'm here to listen, for as long as you need." His familiar scent enveloped you unleashing a flood of memories that threatened to overwhelm you. Stolen kisses in hidden corners, lazy Sunday mornings tangled in sheets, shared laughter over inside jokes—each memory washed over you, reminding you of the depth of your connection. You took a deep, shaky breath, gathering your thoughts before continuing, your voice trembling slightly with the weight of your words. "I've realized something important during our time apart, Hyunjin. Despite everything that's happened, despite all the pain and confusion, my feelings for you haven't changed. They've only grown stronger, more certain. I miss you, Hyunjin. I miss us—the way we were, the way we could be."

You watched as Hyunjin's handsome face transformed, lighting up with a potent mix of relief, hope, and unbridled joy. His eyes, usually so guarded, softened visibly, brimming with unshed tears that made them glisten in the soft light of the apartment. A small, tender smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, slowly spreading until it illuminated his entire face. He reached out, his movements slow and deliberate, as if afraid you might disappear if he moved too quickly. His hands enveloped yours, his touch sending a familiar warmth coursing through your body, igniting every nerve ending. His fingers, slightly calloused from his art, intertwined with yours, fitting perfectly as they always had. "I've missed you too," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, cracking slightly on the last word. "More than you could ever know. Every day without you has been... incomplete. You're the missing piece, Y/N. You always have been." The raw honesty in his voice, the vulnerability in his eyes, made your heart swell with a renewed sense of hope and possibility.

You gazed up at Hyunjin, your eyes meticulously tracing his features as if rediscovering them for the first time. The warmth of his hands, still bearing faint traces of vibrant paint, served as a tangible reminder of the passion he poured into his art. An invisible, magnetic force seemed to draw you closer, the familiar connection between you intensifying with each passing second. The air around you felt charged, crackling with unspoken emotions and shared memories. "Hyunjin," you whispered, your voice barely audible, trembling slightly with the weight of your words, "I've lost a lot of trust, but... it can be rebuilt. I want to try."

Hyunjin's eyes widened, so many emotions flickering in their depths - hope, determination, and a hint of vulnerability. He gently squeezed your hands, his long fingers intertwining with yours, creating a perfect fit. His voice was soft yet resolute, carrying the weight of his sincerity. "I understand completely, and I swear I'll do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust. We can take it slow, day by day, moment by moment if that's what you need." His gaze held yours, unwavering and intense, as he continued, "I want to prove to you that you can trust me again, that we can make this work. I'm committed to us, to you, with every fiber of my being."

His words rang with undeniable sincerity, each syllable resonating with the depth of his feelings. You found yourself believing everything he was saying, your heart softening despite your best efforts to remain guarded. Yet, the way he looked at you made your pulse quicken, sending a rush of warmth through your body. Hyunjin's deep brown eyes, flecked with gold in the soft light, kept darting to your lips, lingering there before meeting your gaze again. His tongue would occasionally sweep across his own plump lips, moistening them and making them appear irresistibly enticing. The gesture, probably unconscious on his part, sent a shiver down your spine. You stepped away from him, trying desperately to keep your composure. You'd just agreed to take things slow, to rebuild trust gradually, but your body clearly had other ideas, yearning for his touch.

Hyunjin noticed your hesitation immediately, his artist's eye attuned to even the slightest change in your demeanor. He mirrored your action, taking a step back to respect your need for space. His hand ran through his hair, tousling the dark strands - a gesture you recognized as a sign of his own nervousness. It was oddly comforting to see that he was just as affected by your proximity as you were by his. "I'm sorry," he said softly, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. We can take this as slow as you need. Your comfort, your trust - they're the most important things to me right now." His words were genuine, laced with care and understanding. But despite the physical distance between you, the tension remained palpable - electric and alive. It was a testament to the deep, unbreakable connection you shared, a bond that had weathered storms and now stood on the precipice of renewal.

He ran his long fingers through his messy hair, not doing much to keep it out of his eyes. He looked tense but so were you. “You don’t make me uncomfortable.. I’m just trying to..” you didn’t continue your sentence because Hyunjin was suddenly in front of you his lean body pressed to yours. His warm breath fanned across your face, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes locked with his, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. The air between you crackled with electric tension, your bodies drawn together like magnets. Despite your resolve to take things slow, you found yourself leaning in, your lips mere inches from his.

"I'm sorry, I just need—" Hyunjin began, his voice husky with desire, but you silenced him with a searing kiss. Your lips crashed against his, igniting a fire that had been smoldering beneath the surface for far too long. The kiss was electric, sending jolts of pleasure through your body as Hyunjin's arms instinctively encircled your waist, pulling you flush against him.

His lips were soft yet demanding, moving against yours with a passion that left you breathless. You could taste the faint hint of coffee on his tongue as it tangled with yours, exploring and rediscovering. The familiar scent of his cologne—a heady mix of sandalwood and citrus—enveloped you, evoking memories of passionate nights spent tangled in bed.

As the kiss deepened, Hyunjin's hands began to roam, his fingers leaving trails of fire in their wake. They traced the curve of your spine, sending shivers coursing through you, before settling on your hips, gripping them firmly. You melted into his embrace, your body responding to his touch as if no time had passed, as if you were made for each other.

A soft moan escaped your lips as Hyunjin's mouth left yours, blazing a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along your jawline. His lips found that sensitive spot just below your ear, and you gasped, your fingers threading through his silky hair, holding him close. "God, Y/N," he murmured against your skin, his breath hot and heavy, "you feel so incredible... I've missed your taste, your scent, everything about you."

With gentle yet insistent pressure, Hyunjin guided you backward until your lower back met the cool edge of the counter. In one fluid motion, he lifted you, his strong hands gripping your thighs as he settled you on the countertop. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer, needing to feel every inch of him pressed against you.

The familiar spark between you erupted into a roaring inferno, consuming all thoughts of taking things slow. Hyunjin's hands roamed your body with reverence, reacquainting themselves with every curve and contour. His touch was both familiar and exhilarating, as if he was rediscovering a favorite piece of art, committing every detail to memory.

You arched into him as his lips found your neck, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin. Each touch of his lips sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, and you could feel the wetness building between your thighs. The need to have him closer, to feel his skin against yours, became overwhelming. "Hyunjin..." you whimpered, his name falling from your lips like a prayer as he lavished attention on your collarbone.

Hyunjin slowly straightened, his dark eyes meeting yours. They were filled with a mixture of desire, adoration, and a silent question. His fingers curled around the hem of your shirt, seeking permission. In that moment, time seemed to stand still. You knew that if you nodded, there would be no turning back. The air crackled with tension as you made your decision, your heart racing with anticipation.

With a small nod, you granted him permission. Hyunjin's movements were gentle yet purposeful as he slowly lifted your shirt, his knuckles grazing your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. As the fabric cleared your head, your hair fell into your eyes. Hyunjin paused, a tender smile playing on his lips as he reached up to brush the strands aside, tucking them gently behind your ears. The simple gesture, so full of care and intimacy, made your heart swell.

Then, as if drawn by an invisible force, his lips were on yours again. This kiss was different—deeper, more passionate, filled with unspoken promises and barely restrained desire. You lost yourself in the sensation, in the taste of him, in the feel of his body pressed against yours. As Hyunjin's hands resumed their exploration of your newly exposed skin, you knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, your connection—this undeniable, all-consuming love—was worth fighting for.

His hands roamed your body with reverent intensity, expertly unclasping your bra and tossing it aside. As his lips trailed down to your newly exposed skin, you arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips. The warmth of his breath against your sensitive flesh sent shivers down your spine. Hyunjin's eyes, dark pools of desire, met yours as he whispered against your heated skin, his voice husky and filled with adoration, "You're so fucking beautiful. Every inch of you is perfection."

Hyunjin's hands slid up your long skirt, the fabric rustling softly as he hiked it up to your thighs. His fingers caressed every inch of you. The contrast between his warm hands and the cool air made you shiver with anticipation. "So soft... and all mine," he murmured, his voice deeper than before, dripping with sexual tension. His effortless sexiness, the way his muscles rippled under his skin with each movement, made you ache to remove his clothes, to feel his bare skin against yours.

Your hands moved to the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards with urgent desire. Hyunjin obliged, breaking contact for just a moment to pull his shirt over his head. The sight of his toned chest and abs, now fully revealed, made your breath catch in your throat. Your fingers traced the contours of his muscles, feeling them flex and tense under your touch. The warmth of his skin and the slight sheen of sweat made him glisten in the dim light. A low groan escaped his lips at your touch, the sound sending a jolt of arousal straight to your core. "Your turn," you whispered, your eyes locked on his, dark with desire, as your hands moved to undo his belt.

With deft fingers, you unbuckled his belt, the metallic clink echoing in the charged silence between you. You popped open the button of his jeans, the anticipation building with each small action. Hyunjin's breath hitched audibly as you slowly lowered the zipper, the sound seeming impossibly loud in the quiet room. Your eyes never left his, watching as his pupils dilated further with each passing second. The tension between you was electric, palpable, as you pushed his jeans down his hips, revealing more of his toned body.

As his jeans pooled around his ankles, you couldn't help but admire the sight before you. Hyunjin stood there, his sculpted body on full display, every muscle defined and begging to be touched. His chest rose and fell with quickened breaths, his excitement evident in every aspect of his being. Your hands trailed up his thighs, feeling the muscles tense and quiver under your touch. The warmth of his skin seeped into your palms, igniting a fire within you. Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers, teasing the sensitive skin there. You could feel his arousal growing harder beneath the thin fabric as your fingertips trailed over his skin, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from him.

You could visibly see his pale skin pebble with goosebumps just before you pulled his boxers down, the anticipation making your movements both eager and torturously slow. As the fabric fell away, joining his jeans around his ankles, Hyunjin's impressive length sprang free. The sight made you unconsciously lick your lips, your mouth suddenly dry with want. Your hand wrapped around his shaft, feeling it pulse beneath your touch, hot and hard and impossibly smooth. Hyunjin let out a low, guttural groan, his head falling back, exposing the long column of his throat. You began to stroke him slowly, teasingly, watching in fascination as his abs clenched with each movement of your hand.

Your thumb circled the sensitive head, spreading the precum that had gathered there. The slick warmth made your movements smoother, more sensual. Hyunjin's hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more of your touch, more friction, more of everything you had to offer. "Y/N," he breathed, your name like a sin on his lips. His voice was husky with need, rough with desire. "I need you. Now." The raw want in his tone sent a shiver of anticipation down your spine. With those words, Hyunjin lifted you off the counter in one fluid motion, his strength evident in the ease with which he moved you. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, your bodies pressed flush against each other. You could feel the heat of his arousal against your core, separated only by the thin fabric of your skirt.

He carried you to the bedroom, his lips never leaving yours. The kiss was deep, passionate, filled with promises of pleasure to come. As he gently laid you on the bed, his eyes roamed your body hungrily, taking in every curve, every inch of exposed skin. The intensity of his gaze made you feel both vulnerable and incredibly desired. But then he stilled for a moment, his brows furrowing in confusion. You felt his finger trace over your ribcage, his touch gentle yet questioning. The sudden change in his demeanor was palpable, concern replacing the burning desire in his eyes.

"Y/N, where did you get these?" Hyunjin asked, his voice laced with a hint of anger. His fingers traced the fading yellow-green bruises along your ribcage, his touch feather-light yet sending shivers through your body. The marks, a week old, were a stark reminder of your confrontation with Joo Won.

You hesitated, memories of that night flooding back. Joo Won's face contorted with rage as you told him your heart belonged to Hyunjin. His fingers digging into your skin as he roughly grabbed you, shouting accusations and threats. The fear, the pain, the relief when you finally broke free and ran.

"It's... it's nothing," you whispered, your voice barely audible. But Hyunjin's eyes, usually warm and loving, now blazed with a protective fury. You could see the muscles in his jaw clenching, his body tensing above you.

Desperate to salvage the moment, to feel his love rather than relive your pain, you pulled him closer. Your lips found his, urgent and needy. "Please, Hyunjin," you breathed against his mouth, your hips pressing insistently against his. "I need you. I need to feel you, to forget everything else."

For a moment, Hyunjin remained rigid, torn between his desire to protect you and his need to love you. Then, with a soft sigh, he melted into your embrace. His kiss deepened, becoming a promise, an assurance. "I'm here now," he murmured, his lips trailing fire down your neck. "Let me take care of you, let me make you feel good."

His hands, so gentle yet possessive, roamed your body. Each touch seemed to erase the memory of Joo Won's anger, replacing it with warmth and desire. Hyunjin's fingers skimmed over your curves, his palms cupping your breasts, thumbs brushing over sensitive nipples. You arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips.

Hyunjin's mouth followed the path of his hands, leaving a trail of heated kisses down your body. He lavished attention on your breasts, his tongue swirling around each nipple before continuing his descent. When he reached the junction of your thighs, he looked up at you, his eyes dark with desire but still tinged with concern.

"Let me make you feel good," he repeated, his breath hot against your sensitive skin. Without waiting for a response, he dipped his head, his tongue finding your most intimate areas. The first swipe of his tongue made you gasp, your back arching off the bed.

Hyunjin's skilled mouth worked magic on your flesh, alternating between long, languid strokes and quick, teasing flicks. His hands gripped your thighs, holding you in place as he devoured you with fervor. The pleasure built rapidly, your fingers tangling in his thick hair as you felt yourself approaching the edge of ecstasy.

The room filled with the sounds of your pleasure – the wet noises of Hyunjin's mouth, your breathless moans, the rustle of sheets as you writhed beneath him. Your thighs began to tremble, your grip on his hair tightening. "Oh god, Hyunjin... I'm so close," you gasped, your voice high and breathy.

In response, Hyunjin redoubled his efforts. His tongue circled your clit with increased pressure and speed, while one of his hands left your thigh to slide two fingers inside you. The dual stimulation was overwhelming, the coil of pleasure in your core winding tighter and tighter.

With a particularly clever swirl of his tongue combined with a curl of his fingers, Hyunjin pushed you over the edge. Your body tensed, waves of pleasure crashing over you as you cried out his name. Your back arched off the bed, your thighs clamping around his head as you rode out your orgasm.

Hyunjin didn't let up, his tongue and fingers working in tandem to draw out your pleasure until you were trembling and oversensitive. Only then did he slowly kiss his way back up your body, his lips finally meeting yours in a passionate kiss that tasted of you.

As you came down from your high, you felt Hyunjin's hardness pressing against your thigh. His eyes, dark with desire, locked onto yours as he positioned himself at your entrance. With a slow, deliberate thrust, he entered you, both of you gasping at the sensation of being joined once again. The feeling of fullness, of completeness, overwhelmed you as Hyunjin began to move. His hips rolled against yours in a familiar yet exhilarating rhythm, each thrust sending sparks of pleasure through your still-sensitive body. Your hands roamed his back, feeling the muscles flex and ripple beneath your fingertips.

Hyunjin's breath was hot against your neck as he whispered words of adoration. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, punctuating each word with a thrust. "So perfect. I love you so much." His words, combined with the sensations he was creating in your body, brought tears to your eyes.

As the pleasure intensified, your nails dug into Hyunjin's skin, leaving crescent-shaped marks on his shoulders. Your bodies moved in perfect synchronization, the world around you fading away until there was nothing but the two of you, lost in a moment of pure, unrestrained passion.

Hyunjin's movements became more intense, his thrusts deeper and more purposeful. A light sheen of sweat coated both your bodies, the feeling of skin sliding against skin sending shivers down your spine. Your legs wrapped tighter around his waist, urging him on as the pleasure built to an almost unbearable crescendo.

With a final, powerful thrust, Hyunjin pushed you both over the edge. Your body tensed, a second wave of pleasure washing over you as you cried out his name. Hyunjin followed moments later, his release mixing with yours as he buried his face in your neck, breathing heavily.

As you both lay there, basking in the afterglow, Hyunjin's arms wrapped around you protectively. The warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your chest filled you with a sense of peace and belonging. You tilted your head to meet his gaze, finding his eyes filled with love and adoration.

In that moment, as Hyunjin's eyes bore into yours, you both knew. This was more than just passion or desire. This was a connection that ran soul-deep, a love that could weather any storm. Hyunjin was your person, just as you were his. You owned each other, mind, body, and soul. And in that perfect, quiet moment, you both silently vowed to never let go, to face whatever challenges lay ahead together.

It didn't take long for you to drift off to sleep, held tight in Hyunjin's strong arms. He lay there watching you, mesmerized by the gentle flutter of your eyelashes and the soft rhythm of your breathing. Your skin glowed in the dim light, and he couldn't help but trace the curve of your cheek with his fingertips. You were the most precious thing to him in the entire world, a realization that both thrilled and terrified him.

Though he may not have shown it before, Hyunjin was now determined to make up for all the wasted time and mend your broken heart. He thought about all the moments he'd missed, all the times he could have loved you the right way but didn’t. The weight of his regret was heavy, but it fueled his resolve to do better, to be better for you.

You were his to protect, and as Hyunjin lay there in the dark bedroom, his mind began to race. The memory of those bruises on your skin made his blood boil. He didn't need you to tell him who gave you those marks; he knew. His jaw clenched as he imagined Joo Won's hands on you, hurting you. The protective instinct that surged through him was almost overwhelming.

Slowly, careful not to disturb your peaceful slumber, Hyunjin reached for his phone. The blue light illuminated his face as he typed out a short, cryptic message to Minho. "Need a favor before I leave.” He hesitated for a moment before hitting send, knowing that once he did, there would be no going back. But as he looked down at your sleeping form, so vulnerable and trusting in his arms, he knew he had to do whatever it took to keep you safe.

As he set his phone aside, Hyunjin's mind was already formulating a plan. He would make sure Joo Won never laid a hand on you again, no matter what it took. With a soft sigh, he pulled you closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I love you," he whispered into the darkness, a promise and a vow wrapped into three simple words. "And I'll always protect you."

Taglist💕

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[elminx]

Energy Update: October 2024

October is a “9” Universal Month [10 (October) + 8 (2024) = 18 = 1+8=9] in a “8” Universal Year. In numerology, “9” is the number of completions and endings. For some, big projects will finally be coming to fruition. Others of us may be dealing with endings, for good or ill. This aligns with the month’s astrological energy, which includes our last solar eclipse in Libra in this lunar node cycle and some significant planetary shifts.

The Set Up

We begin the month with the Sun and Mercury in Libra, Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Cancer, Jupiter in Gemini, retrograde Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, retrograde Uranus in Taurus, and retrograde Pluto in Capricorn. By month’s end, the Sun and Mercury will have moved into Scorpio and Venus into Sagittarius. Additionally, Jupiter will have retrograded, and Pluto will station direct. Mars will also have entered its pre-retrograde shadow in Cancer.

The Nitty Gritty

The month begins with a bang with a solar eclipse at 10° Libra on the second. Otherwise, all eyes are on Pluto, who is on its last legs in Capricorn for the next two months, and Mars, who is entering its pre-retrograde shadow. These three events not only set the tone for the month but will ripple through the rest of the year and into the coming one ahead.

Our Lights: The Sun and the Moon

The Sun will spend 3/4 of the month in the cardinal air sign of Libra and the last bit in the fixed water sign of Scorpio. This is our last Libra season before our lunar nodes switch to the Pisces-Aries axis in January of 2025, and we all have one final reckoning to meet around the themes of independence vs. togetherness. We’re coming out of a pandemic that highlighted both ends of this spectrum: on the one hand, we all felt the loneliness and isolation of the quarantine times, but on the other, it took a considerable amount of working together to create and distribute novelle vaccines to the entire world. We all got a deeper glimpse into how big and how small our lives really are. How interconnected, but also how separate.

I don’t mean to downplay this event or the trauma it has caused us all, but instead, to emphasize its complexity. What I have found the most fascinating about these past four years is how differently people experienced and synthesized these moments—sometimes even people who lived in the same house as one another! When somebody we loved could understand our experience with the pandemic, we felt more connected; when they did not, we felt more isolated.

Although this certainly isn’t over, it IS a good analogy for what is happening inside all of us and what is being highlighted by this last Libra eclipse on the Aries-Libra axis. All of us, every human on this planet, have a baseline of where we fall on the individuality to connectedness scale. Some of this comes straight out of our natal birth charts – Aries, often, are quite independent, and Libras are most certainly not. But our backgrounds, experiences, triumphs, and traumas all shape who we are and what we are comfortable with. We have all been forced to look at where we fall on this scale; we have all been weighed, and some of us have been found wanting. I don’t mean to imply a universal right or wrong in this regard, but there may often be for a certain place at a certain time.

Then you have two choices: You can adapt, or you can leave and find a place that is more to your liking.

Because the Aries-Libra axis is one of independence and connectedness, relationships have been on the hot seat for a long two years. Many of us really had to consider whether what we were doing (and with whom we were doing it) was worth the sunk cost. I don’t just mean Big R Romantic relationships here, either. All human interactions are relationships. Some will be worth every effort we put into them. And others were never worth our time.

All of this will come to a head leading into our solar eclipse on 10/02 because Libra is the sign of relationships and togetherness. This is a mixed energy eclipse as it involves the energy of a new moon conjunct to the energy of the South Node, our axis of past-facing fate. Also, our two relationship signs (Venus in Scorpio and Mars in Cancer) will be in a wide grand trine with retrograde Saturn in Pisces. Many people will ask themselves, “Is this really meant to be?” and likely coming up short. Because, after all, is ANYTHING truly meant to be? This astrologer says no, not that way anyway; that’s just not how fate works.

But this isn’t a post about synastry and how we fulfill lessons in each other’s lives. It’s about the cosmic, often overdue, realization that you cannot live for another person – you must live for yourself. That’s the lesson of our North Node in Aries, and we’re almost out of time.

Some relationships will end in and around the solar eclipse, that’s just the way of things. It may be hard, and it may really fucking hurt. But people who can’t agree on what a relationship means, who can’t bend and align to live a life together with interconnectedness rather than codependence, well, they really aren’t meant to be, aren’t they?

I know that there are some Libra types out there who have never learned this lesson and who are very mad at me for writing this. What can I say? I have an Aries moon. That’s my bias. Do you know what yours is?

This new moon is a 5/5 moon.

7 (Libra moon) + 7 (Libra Sun) = 14 – 1+4 = 5. 5 (Libra new moon) + 9 (October 2024) = 14 = 1+4 =5.

5 is a bit of a warning, a conflict number. This aligns with the energy of the eclipse pretty seamlessly. It’s not that what is meant to be is easy, per se, but when you are well aligned, you can get through conflicts easily. Pay attention to that during the eclipse and the days surrounding it.

Otherwise, our Sun squares off with Mars in Cancer on 10/14, which will be a rough-and-tumble fighty sort of day. Be ready to get into it, or step the fuck out of the way. You might be able to channel this cardinal energy into a project if you’ve got a well-aspected Mars in your natal birth chart but don’t push your luck with other people during this time. The Sun’s trine with Jupiter on the 13th may smooth things over, but only if you’re especially lucky. (Jupiter is retrograde and in its exile, after all)

Our full moon on 10/17 falls at 24° Aries and will pull in a lot of energy from our Sun-Mars square and our total solar eclipse last April through the Moon’s conjunction with Chiron. Our solar eclipse was at 19° Aries and was part of a major stellium between the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, and Chiron. Now slow-moving Chiron is still sitting at 21°, holding that wound.

This is an 8/8 full moon.

1 (Aries Moon) + 7 (Libra Sun) = 8. 8 (Aries Full Moon) + 9 (October 2024) = 17 = 1+7 = 8.

8 is the number of the ouroboros and the infinity sign; it is a reminder that what comes around goes around. Everything that goes up must come back down, and vice versa. Expect the highest highs and the lowest lows on an 8 moon, which is a double 8 moon. You can work with the Stength card or the Wheel of Time in the tarot to further this energy.

As the Sun prepares to exit Libra on 10/22, it forms a quick square with Pluto in Capricorn, repeating the theme of endings this month. Pluto is the planet of death and transformation, and he will be in Capricorn for a scant two months more for the next two hundred years! If you couldn’t put it down on the eclipse, do it now.

This energy will shift rapidly as we exit our very last eclipse cycles and enter Scorpio season. Things may get dark and moody, but they will certainly feel less fated as our luminaries pull away from our lunar nodes.

Mars

Mars gets near-to-the-top billing this month as it enters its pre-retrograde shadow on 10/04. This retrograde will occur between 06° Leo and 17° Cancer, so the switchover from cardinal to fixed sign will be in the hot seat for the next seven months. You read that right: 7 months from 10/2 when Mars enters its pre-retrograde shadow to 5/2 when it exits its post-retrograde cycle.

I feel like we’re in for a reminder here. All retrogrades happen in three stages as the planet will pass over the same points in the horoscope wheel thrice: first in forward motion (the pre-retrograde shadow), secondly when moving backward in retrograde, and thirdly as it moves forward the final time in its post-retrograde shadow. This is why (how?) retrogrades tend to bring with them our deepest lessons: any aspect that Mars makes with your chart will happen three times in the next seven months.

I will explore this energy more in my Mars retrograde Update, but the transition from cardinal to fixed signs is one of actualization. Cardinal signs are the searching signs and the first signs of the season. Fixed signs are the root signs; they take what the cardinal sign has uncovered and plant it/make it solid. Mars is the planet of action. Retrogrades are a time of re-s: we get to rethink, revise, revisit, renovate.

Mars will be in the pre-retrograde shadow phase for the entire month. During this phase, Mars will be in aspect with all of our personal planets and Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Chiron. Because this astrological event lasts for seven months, we can acknowledge the Sun, Moon, Mercury, and Venus as a part of this story. However, we know they will be across the horoscope and into Taurus season by the time this transit resolves. Our outer planets and Chiron move much slower; they are the meat of this retrograde cycle.

This is looking ahead a lotta bit (but this will go until May 2025 so stay with me here), but this theme of hoovering on the edge between two planets (which Mars will now embody) has been in place all year as Pluto moves back and forth over the line between Capricorn and Aquarius. Now, looking ahead to 2025, Uranus will do so on the line between Taurus and Gemini and Neptune between Pisces and Aries. On top of that, our lunar nodes change signs in January!

Mars can get a little bit off of its game when so much is going on. Mars is also in its fall in Cancer., where it will be all month.

If you don’t know where to turn or what path to take, know you are right on time. It’s frustrating AF, I’m sure, but it is a part of the process. As we transition into this new era, many of us are finding that the ground underneath us has shifted. What made sense before may not make sense now.

You can consider these next seven months our planetary adjustment zone.

Things to remember: Cancer is considered the fall of Mars because the crab doesn’t move in a straight line. The crab is also known for holding on for dear life, so maybe work on loosening that death grip (you know what I mean if that is intended for you).

This will affect everyone because Mars is one of our personal planets. Mars is also the one personal planet that is beyond the Earth, which means that it works a little bit differently from Mercury and Venus. Mars isn’t tied to the Sun, which seems important to note here. These are the people that will be most affected by our Mars retrograde. Note here that you may have more than one and each compounds.

Anyone with Sun, Moon, or Ascendant between 00-06° of the fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) or 17-29° of the cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) with additional emphasis on Cancer and Leo/conjunctions

Anyone with Mars in those degrees of any sign (but the ones listed above most specifically)

Anyone with Mercury of Venus in those signs/degrees

Any Aries or Scorpio Sun or Moon

Anyone with a Mars dominant chart

Anyone with a luminary or personal planet between 00-06° Aries and Sagittarius or 17-29° Scorpio and Pisces

I’ll get into what this means more as we start working through this transit (I have seven months to write about it, apparently), but it’s time to become aware right now. And to give yourself grace is your work – whatever that means to you – happens more slowly.

Mercury

Mercury will be in Libra until the 13th when it enters Scorpio. In Libra, it will square off with Mars in Cancer, which may make the days around the 6th challenging and bitey. The next day, it will trine Jupiter in Gemini, so this likely won’t have any lasting effects.

Before it enters Scorpio, it will square Pluto on 10/13. I think this may feel like a bit of a release. This is the last time Mercury will square Pluto while Pluto is still in Capricorn. This day may feel somber, as if the hollows are extra hollow. You can work with that.

Mercury in Scorpio trines retrograde Saturn in Pisces on 10/22, reminding us of where we’ve been and how far we have come in the last four years. This will sit better with some people than with others, and it may be a deeply emotional day for some. At the end of the month, Mercury meets up with Neptune and Uranus as it begins to make moves to switch signs again. This could be intense for some, but it will mostly pass uneventfully.

Venus

While Mars is mired in its pre-retrograde shadow all month in Cancer, we look to Venus to see if we will get anywhere at all. Both Venus and Mars are our two movement planets; their interactions with each other show us how we attract (Venus) and go out and get (Mars) what we want. The world will run a bit smoother when Venus and Mars are better aligned. People will get along better. The two, especially poorly maligned, have indications for war and other human-made calamities.

Venus begins the month in the fixed water sign Scorpio until 10/17, when it enters the mutable fire sign of Sagittarius. As the Morning Star, Venus is at full speed, rushing ahead of the Sun. For as long as the Sun is in Libra, Venus will be our guiding planet, and she will be the intense watery depths of Scorpio. Note here that this is the sign of Venus’s exile as it is the opposite sign of Taurus, its domain.

Venus in Scorpio can be quixotic and demanding. She may not tell you what she really wants but instead, expect the world to read her mind. Monsters are lurking in those depths. She does have magnetism, though, something that Venus LIKES. This may be why Scorpio is the sign of Venus’s exile; Venus loves the power that Scorpio provides her, and that much is clear. The problem comes when the rest of the world doesn’t exactly enjoy how she is yielding that power.

Great responsibility and all that…

Venus in Scorpio trines Mars in Cancer on 10/08, which is generally indicative of lovey-dovey weather. It’s worth noting here that retrograde Saturn is a part of this equation and in a grand trine to them both during this event. Yeah, sure, love might be in the air, but consequences are also on the table. This is echoed twice as Mars has just entered his pre-retrograde shadow. Stay aware of who you cuddle up with during this time; what glitters may not be gold.

If you’ve said yes before and the two of you love getting mushy together, this will be a great day to have a watery date. Real Valentine’s Day energy. But, like with V-Day, it may be better to sit it out of you don’t trust your potential date. And definitely don’t sign any contracts (romantically speaking).

We will still be a bit hung over from our solar eclipse, which was all about the pitfalls of relationships. Don’t do somebody that day just to have somebody to do it, if you catch my drift.

Venus will lighten up some once she enters Sagittarius, but she, too, needs to come clean with Pluto on the way out of Scorpio. Again, some romantic relationships are not meant to make it all the way to November this year. This square with Pluto will be the last time Venus makes a major aspect with Pluto before it exits Capricorn next month.

In Sagittarius, she immediately trines the North Node, again, for the last time before the North Nodes switch signs in January. There are a lot of endings here.

After that, Venus in Sag squares off with retrograde Saturn in Pisces, putting even more tension on the consequences and endings we are experiencing all month.

Jupiter

On 10/09, Jupiter will station retrograde at 21° Gemini. As one of our intermediary planets, Jupiter retrogrades aren’t felt as deeply as those of our personal planets. The days immediately around this retrograde may feel liminal or a bit uneasy, as always happens when a planet stands still in the skies. Jupiter – the planet of expansion – is weaker while it is in retrograde, compounded by the fact that it is in the sign of its exile (Gemini).

Pluto

On 10/11, Pluto will station direct at 29° Capricorn. This is a big shift as it is the final curtain call on our Pluto-in-Capricorn era. In November, Pluto will move into Aquarius for the last time in this cycle. Outer planetary shifts happen very slowly; Pluto changes signs every 15-30 years. It’s the end of an era. Most people won’t feel this personally as this is our outer most dwarf planet, but the effects of this will ripple forward through 2025 and beyond.

The Details

10/02 – Solar Eclipse 10° Libra 10/04 – Venus in Scorpio trine retrograde Saturn in Pisces, Mars enters its pre-retrograde shadow 17° Cancer 10/06 – Mercury in Libra square Mars in Cancer 10/08 – Mercury in Libra trine Jupiter in Gemini, Venus in Scorpio trine Mars in Cancer 10/09 – Jupiter retrogrades 21° Gemini 10/11 – Pluto stations direct 29° Capricorn 10/12 – Retrograde Jupiter in Gemini sextile Chiron in Aries 10/13 – Mercury enters Scorpio, Sun in Libra trine retrograde Jupiter in Gemini, Mercury in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn, Mars in Cancer square Chiron in Aries 10/14 – Sun in Libra square Mars in Cancer, Venus in Scorpio opposed retrograde Uranus in Taurus 10/15 – Venus in Scorpio trine retrograde Neptue in Pisces 10/17 – Full Moon 24° Aries, Venus in Scorpio sextile Pluto in Capricorn, Venus enters Sagittarius 10/21 – Venus in Sagittarius trine North Node in Aries 10/22 – Sun enters Scorpio, Sun in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn, Mercury in Scorpio trine retrograde Saturn in Pisces 10/25 – Mars in Cancer sextile retrograde Uranus in Taurus 10/28 – Venus in Sagittarius square retrograde Saturn in Pisces, Mars in Cancer trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces 10/30 – Mercury in Scorpio opposed retrograde Uranus in Taurus 10/31 – Mercury in Scorpio trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces

[cerastes]

Hey. It's been a while. I think it's right to update you on stuff so tl;dr I'm probably not going to be around for some time, and if I am, it'll be in a diminished capacity, but if you're interested, do check under the cut. I'll also immediately state that I am not in any dangerous situation, it's other stuff, but I'll immediately dispel that before the cut just in case you just wanted to know that in particular.

Let's talk for a bit.

Long story short, the economy here is in shambles. The idea was for me to already have a new job, but that's not gone according to plan. I've been eating into my savings for a while now, and the people that told me that I had a job lined up for me September or at the latest October, meaning, this month, have been ghosting me. It seems to not be an option anymore, and no explanation was ever given to me. A shame, because it came from a place of relative trust.

This has eaten away at my nerves somewhat, and though it is the month of my birthday, I can't help but notice that, between the economy being this bad here, how hard it's been to land another job, and the fact that I'm eating into my savings, well, it's got me more than a bit worried. I'm not in any immediate danger of losing the roof over my head, or starving, or anything like that, but after a few months of "well, my savings take yet another hit this month with no end in sight", it's been rather rough, you'll understand, and it's compounded a bit. For just a second, and not as a primary, secondary, or even tertiary plan, more like a twenty-eighth measure if anything, I did entertain the dark idea of maybe asking for a bit of help here, and the moment that thought came up, I realized, "Ok, this is truly and well affecting me, I never want to do that", because, again, it's not like I'm in any immediate danger of homelessness or anything that grave, but it's been weighting on me enough that, even as a distant glint in the horizon of an idea, I did consider it. I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here, but for over a decade that I've had this blog, and the community/following/whatever you want to call it that has grown around it, I've never once asked for something like monetary help, because I think that can be a slippery slope. I've seen people far bigger than me, and some smaller, too, get addicted to asking for donations or help, or simply start taking it for granted when they ask for such a thing. My friends will tell you I writhe in agony when I receive a gift such as a game or something over the mail. My logic is that I don't need it, not in a proud way, but rather, in a "I wish you would spend this money on yourself instead, or on someone that truly needed it". With this in mind, I realized that, for me to even slightly consider that as an option, for the first time in my life, it meant that it was biting away at me far, far more severely than I thought. It's translated to other parts of my life as of late; I've not been depressed or anything, but I've felt this itch, this remarkably implacable feeling of "my man, you don't deserve to be taking it easy right now, something has to change, progress needs to be made".

I went out to wander for a few days, then arrived at my cousin's farm. He and his wife live a humble, hard working life, he invited me to stay for a while, I accepted, it was real nice, we hanged out, went exploring creeks and mountainsides while knocking back a few beers, the whole shebang for two guys that grew up in the middle of nowhere. Anyhow, it's true that the whole exposition that was the previous paragraph is something at play, but I also just... Haven't really wanted to be online at all. I don't want to check anything, read anything, and I feel a deep sense of alienation that I've not really felt in a long time. I suppose this is one of those good ol' Bro Is Going Through It, if we're to summarize it in a few words. It's easy for me to dispel negative thoughts and bounce back normally, because I've done a great deal of personal building and homework on knowing myself inside out, but not even this black belt in Drimobrain has helped this time around, and well, it bothers me, obviously, bwahaha. It's the first time in a few years that I really sincerely do not understand what's up with me, and while it's not really something I would consider me being rock bottom or anywhere near those depths, I do think I'm still below surface level, which is something I don't admit to easily, but have no choice to. I would love to be able to give this malaise shape and firmness through written or spoken word, but right now, it's a work in progress.

What bothers me the most is the sense of alienation I spoke of before: It makes no sense for me to feel this way, I'm treated with love and kindness every day, no one's silencing me in any way, I don't deal with barbs or hostility. So why is it that that's how I feel? Or perhaps it's something that feels similar, but I've no clue what it is, so I'm compounding it with alienation?

Regardless, it's all compounded into me just... Not wanting to be online. In the words of a friend of mine, "Dreamer has a fetish for self-development and growth", and, well, yeah, she's got that right despite the wording, I like to feel as if I'm improving every day and becoming better every day, even if slightly, and right now I feel like I'm just degenerating. Is it because my mood has been sour overall? Maybe. It might as well just be the fact that I Just Don't Want To Be Online For A While, and capricious clown that I am, if I want to do something, I do it, and if I don't want to do something, I don't do it. I'm tied to nothing and no one except my desire and drive to do or not do things. I can't change that, nor do I want to change that. And in this case, my heart's said to me, "fuck going online, go out, do things, try to get a job".

I also almost got recruited into something fucking vile that I thankfully noticed in time to avoid, but that's a story for another time.

There you have it. Am I leaving the internet/blue website forever? No, of course not, I like it here. Are things hard right now? They are, to be honest. Are they the worst it could be? Not at all. Do I have complete clarity of what's up with this fog inside of my head? No, and that bother me quite a bit. Are things going to be alright? Yeah, I think they will be.

I do regret it's in October of all months that this is going on, because it's where my shitposting power is at its apex due to my birthday, but hey, things happen, not necessarily for a reason, but they can be handled in such a way that it gives them meaning. I'm a fervent believer in that. I'm sorry this isn't the update you may have been hoping for, full of Lucina cosplayer blowjobs and other such hijinks, but hey, they can't all be Rainbow Road, haha.

So in case we don't see each other for a while, I hope you're all doing fine and dandy. I'm alive, I'm trying to be well, and most importantly, most fundamentally, most quintessentially,

I stay silly.

[eggtartz]

✧ 3rd October ✧

Eraserhead // Lazy (f! teacher reader)

kinktober masterlist

warnings : stressed aizawa, deepthroat, blowjobs, cum eating

these days at UA were especially stressful for the ground hero, eraserhead. not only his class getting into a direct attack with the villains, now they also needed to be held in dorms to ensure their safety after a second attack from the league of villains during their camp with pro heros, wild, wild pussycats.

then theres the whole deal of internships after the school festival and now the tired hero slash teacher classroom is going through dozens of applications of offers for his students, each must be reviewed carefully for the sake of the students quirks growth.

aizawa sighed as he slumped on the chair, putting away his scarf. his two students in particular has been fighting, after curfew and at a restricted area while using quirks. the both had amazing powers but horrendous dynamic that he frustratedly choked both of them in his binding scarf earlier. you were napping as the light from the computer screen turned on again. "hm? Is eraserhead still working on his shift?" you asked groggily, slowly sitting up to gaze at him, his long hair tied in a bun. "sorry, had to take care of the brats again. go back to sleep, i'll be there" he said without looking at you. you pouted as you silently hugged him from behind all the while rubbing his shoulders. "you haven't had a decent sleep after USJ, you realize right?" you gently said as he lightly sighed "it wasn't your fault" you said again, much softer this time as he hugged you back, tugging your forearm "im tired, so tired" he said under his breath that if you weren't behind him, you wouldn't have caught it. "i know, shouta, let me help you take some rest" you kissed the side of his head.

"really? thanks, you really know how to help me all the time" he smiled gingerly and kissed your temple. you pushed his chair slightly back as you went on your knees, unzipping his pants while he's slowly going through applications again. his boxers were strained as you fished out his half hard cock, kissing the tip that made him hiss. "haven't done this in what? three weeks?" he glanced down to you "mmh, more than a month I think" you said, giving slow and soft licks to the cockhead, warming it up as aizawa grunted in relief. your two hands are on his shaft as you lubricated it with your drool, licking and kissing it. aizawa's hand gripped the mouse he's using as his muscles got tense, until he felt a hand on his stomach "relax, shouta. let me do deal with everything" you said, swirling his cock in your mouth before slowly going down with it.

aizawa took a hair band on the desk and tied your hair in a ponytail, holding the ponytail upwards as you bobbed your head slowly, doing it repeatedly while licking his hard cock "you're.. really good. like always" aizawa frowned as he felt you humming, his cock nearing your throat. he can practically feel his sensitive dick at the edge of your tight throat but he held himself back, although it was growing difficult with how stubborn you are.

rubbing his slick cock, your lips went to find his balls and licked them. you fondled them gently as aizawa muttered curses under his breath. his balls was getting wet over how much saliva dn precum smeared on it as you gazed up to him "shouta? do you like it?" you purred, teasing his cockhead with your nails. "y-yeah.. it's really good. you give.. amazing blowjobs.." he panted as you took him inside your mouth again, this time hollowing your cheeks as you relaxed your throat and gagging on him. your nails buried on his thighs as you gurgled on his cock, enjoying the delicious girth stretching your throat and milking him dry.

aizawa in the meanwhile is moaning in pleasure, frantic hands trying not to shove you deeper to blow his aching cock. his hands rested on your jaw as he looked up to the ceiling, his Adam's apple bobbing with every saliva he's swallowing as he tried not to be too noisy. sweat started to drip on his forehead as you gagged on his cock, sounds of your whining and constant gurgles making aizawa at the edge. "h-hell.. I think I'm close.. mm, where do I cum darling?" he asked although you were adamant on keeping his cock in your throat.

you took out his dick and tapped the precum on your tongue, looking up to him "shoot it inside my throat.. please.. want your cum" you softly moaned, your hands going up and down his foreskin as he gripped your jaw again "you want help me, right?" he asked, getting a nod

aizawa smirked as he pushed his cock in your mouth again, two hands on the back of your head as he bullied himself inside you. you gurgled and gagged, eyes closed and hands are on your thighs as he used your throat like a fleshlight. he stood up from his chair and dragged you further from the desk, smearing precum on your face and bent down to kiss "look at that, such a pretty face" he cooed as he plunged himself right back in, forcing you to breath with your nose as you relaxed your throat. his cock was getting bigger (if possible) as he deepthroated you, his thrusts getting frantic as he chased his orgasm

"here it comes.. my fucking load!" he grunted, pushing his cum deep inside, choking your throat slightly as he felt his cum getting swallowed. when he pulled out, you opened your mouth as aizawa see it's already clean, smiling satisfyingly.

"that's a good girl. wanna go for another one?"

[canadiansummer]

SEE YOURSELF (18+)

Pairing: Dmitri Antonov x Fem!Reader / Enzo x Fem!Reader Series: Day one of the October challenges. | Masterlist here. Prompt: Edging/Orgasm denial Warnings: GRAPHIC SMUT. Not much plot. Note: Here we are to kick this off. I hope you all enjoy.

You knew you were a little stubborn. 

It had been something that had been stuck with you since you were a kid. You knew how to really dig your heels in about certain things, an odd mix of patience only making your stubbornness stronger in certain ways. You could really hold your ground when you had your mind set on something, as much as that was both a virtue and a flaw depending on the situation. It was usually only in hindsight that you could tell the difference. 

If anything, it felt like you noticed most things in hindsight these days. 

You knew your little on-and-off partnership with Murray might come back to bite you in the ass, and it wasn’t like what you had found yourself doing as entirely legal. Given that you had been raised up by a family of Doomsday Preppers, it wasn’t like you were unfamiliar with things like paranoia and secrecy. You had also gotten particularly skilled at forging documents–nothing overly official, but an ID or driver’s license here and there. Passports were always extra and something you didn’t like doing often, but it was the thing that got someone like Murray on your radar.

He always brought you the more…interesting work. You should have figured that he’d bring you something that really got you in over your head. 

That moment eventually came in the form of a sudden appearance from the man himself and an exhausted looking stranger in tow. 

Though, the following months were a surprise too. The evolution from taking him in as a begrudging favor, to something closer to friends, and now occasionally pulling each other into bed. Really, you knew Dmitri was an attractive man, as much as the situation he brought with him was nothing but a headache sometimes. He was rather soft-spoken, yet he had a wit to him that had drawn you into him very easily after a while. Intelligent, introspective when the moment was right, and almost playful in others. 

As much as your initial goal was to get him set up so he could leave, it was hard not to feel like you wanted to keep him around sometimes. Some days it felt like you both would dance around the subject, as much as you eventually landed on it in the end. 

It was hard to ignore the way the gazes started to linger, too. The way a part of you had wanted to test the line, yet struggled to find the courage to really do so in ways that were noticeable. You had thought, at least. 

Obviously, that viewpoint had shifted once the facades started to drop and one night you found your hand gripping at the hair on the back of his head, Dmitri’s mouth on your own.

Really, you didn’t fully know what this was supposed to be between the two of you. The first night, you had just figured it would be just that. The second night, it kind of threw things into question. Along with the odd tender moment shared between the two of you that felt much more than just this unnamed thing between the two of you. Yet, neither of you seemed to want to put a name to it, to say exactly what it was. Sometimes it ate at you, while in other moments you didn’t really care to dig into it. 

The current night fell more toward the latter. 

Dmitri could be hard to read sometimes, especially when things turned more physical. Sometimes it felt like the both of you were trying to scratch an itch that neither of you could get at otherwise, while other times it felt more intimate than that. 

The look in Dmitri’s eyes was more amused than you were used to, currently, however. 

The night had started slow, lingering touches and kisses coming across as more sensual. It hadn’t taken you a terribly long time to figure out where things were headed, and it had you responding in kind. Really, it had been a while and you couldn’t help the small building eagerness that started to drive your actions. Yet, Dmitri seemed to have his own plans, stopping your wandering hands from progressing too far with a frustrating sense of patience. His touches were the opposite, trailing along toward the parts you wanted him to touch the most before he would change course. 

By the time you found yourself laying on your back on your bed, you had an idea on what he was trying to do. 

Still, you found yourself shutting your eyes as Dmitri’s mouth pressed against the side of your neck. You parted your legs to let him lay between them, pressing his body against your own as he dropped his kisses down to the space that connected your neck to your shoulder. You ran your hands down his back, trailing your fingers over his spine before resting on his lower back. You lifted your hips somewhat, grinding yourself against the hardness of his cock through his boxers. Dmitri responded in kind, pressing himself against you and gave you a taste of the contact you were seeking. Yet, it didn’t seem to deter him too much from his slower pace. 

Mercifully, however, he seemed to catch on to what you were wanting as he moved to pull your underwear down your legs. You shifted forward somewhat, spreading your legs a little more so you opened yourself for him a little more. The action pulled a small groan from him that almost dissolved into a chuckle at the end. 

“You are very eager tonight.” 

“You’re being a terrible tease,” you replied, taking in a short breath when you felt him press a finger along your folds and stopping to rub against a certain spot. 

“You don’t seem to mind.” 

“I’m starting to, actually…” you muttered, sounding half-hearted even in your own ears as you gently rolled your hips against his hand. 

Dmitri kept his attention on your clit with his fingers, sometimes circling it in a way that had you gasping somewhat before he’d slow down with more deliberate strokes. He was close to what you needed, yet always a short ways off. It was slowly starting to kill you. All the while, he remained nearby, watching your reactions and you knew he would change up his motions if you showed too much of one. 

You wanted to control your reactions, take him by surprise, yet you knew it was pointless. You had already been pent up and he was only making that worse. 

So, it had you moaning outright when he finally inserted his fingers. The slight stretch was welcomed, his fingers pumping inside almost feeling like a relief. You gently rocked your hips against his movements, not wanting to give too much but also wanting him to touch just a little deeper. 

You welcomed the kiss he pressed against your mouth as he leaned over, parting your lips for his tongue with a small sigh. You rested your hand against the back of his neck while you dropped a hand down toward his lower abdomen. At meeting no protest from him, you dropped that hand lower to palm at him over his boxers. The action pulled a small moan from him against your mouth, pressing himself a little harder against your hand. You started to stroke him somewhat, trying to match the pace he set with his fingers still inside you. 

It was difficult to keep that up, however, when he curled his fingers somewhat to swipe against a spot inside you that shot little sparks of pleasure into your core. At the small whimper you let out, Dmitri took the time to pull back from the kiss somewhat to guide your hand away from where you were touching him. 

“You want me to touch you?” you asked. 

“Yes,” he replied, “But it defeats the purpose.” 

“What would that be?” You might honestly just do what he wanted if it meant it would release the tension building in your gut. 

“No matter how close you get, I’m not letting you cum tonight unless it is on my cock.” 

“I-I’m more than ready,” you said, the combination of his words and another brush against that spot inside you almost making you moan. 

“I know. You are soaking my fingers. I know you are more patient than this, though,” Dmitri replied. 

You were patient in some sense, but this was certainly a test of that. Still, you couldn’t help but take in the sensations he was pulling from you, hitting just the right spots enough to really have you squirming somewhat. You could feel that familiar tension building toward that moment you were craving, Dmitri keeping up his pace with his fingers. You were left to grip one of your thighs and the bed when he moved further down so he knelt down at the edge of the bed. 

Just as it felt like you were crawling closer to that edge, he slowly pulled his fingers out. You groaned somewhat, feeling your walls pulse in the absence as you let your head fall back somewhat in frustration. While a part of you wanted to tell him to stop playing around, you couldn’t help but admit that a small part of you was curious. What it would feel like to finally climax after you had been pushed toward that moment again and again. Yet, you knew there was only so much you could take. You figured there was only so much Dmitri could take, too, yet he was making a particularly good show of indifference at the moment. 

So, you didn’t say anything when you felt him start to kiss the inside of your thighs, his hot breath against the sensitive skin there as he kissed his way further up. Very close, yet didn’t put his mouth on you just yet. 

While the excitement from before was starting to ebb out, you knew the anticipation was putting a flutter to your stomach. The curiosity was keeping you playing along for the moment, yet you couldn’t help the way you wanted to buck your hips or at least touch yourself. Still, you let him do what he wanted for the moment. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t much longer until Dmitri shifted one of your legs to settle against one of his shoulders before he bowed his head down. The feeling of his tongue dragging along your sensitive folds pulled a small sound from you, one of your hands coming down to rest in his hair. Moreso for something to hold, considering you doubted he’d let you guide him this time around. As much as you craved something deeper, the prodding of his tongue inside you was pleasurable enough. 

Though, you weren’t too sure if it was a good thing if he had worked you up beforehand or not. 

Your clit was particularly sensitive and begging for attention when Dmitri finally swiped his tongue over it, the feeling making your legs tense somewhat. The alternating between his tongue against your clit and the light sucking had you struggling not to grind yourself on his mouth, pulling a few drawn out gasps and moans from you. Though, the addition of another finger pushing inside you had you letting out a short cry. 

“Dmitri–fuck…” 

“Not yet,” he warned as he parted his mouth from you for a moment, watching you squirm somewhat at him pushing a second finger into you again. 

“You’re…terrible,” you managed to get out around a small moan. 

“If you could see yourself, you would understand why I do it,” he commented before reattaching his mouth to your clit again. 

You moaned again as he sucked at your clit again, the combination of his fingers pushing you into that familiar territory again. The growing tension in your gut made you tighten your hold in his hair, moving your hips against him until you felt him press you down against the bed with his free hand. This was starting to become rather torturous, as much as you were feeding off the mounting pleasure he was giving you.

In particular, you could feel that pressure moving down toward your core as Dmitri kept his attention on your pussy. You let out a few moans, trying to keep your hips still as he curled his fingers somewhat, tongue flicking against your clit. You took in a short breath, feeling your walls start to twitch somewhat as you could feel yourself growing dangerously close. 

Dmitri pulled back, removing his fingers from inside of you. You let out a small noise at the sudden absence, your walls twitching somewhat but you could already feel that sensation becoming less intense from the lack of stimulation. 

“I want to cum so badly, please…” you muttered around a small breath as Dmitri stood up at the end of the bed. 

“Not yet,” Dmitri repeated, shifting the last of his clothing down to release his hard cock. 

He climbed back up onto the bed, crawling over you so he could press his mouth against yours in a hard kiss. You responded instantly, pressing back into the kiss with a small sigh as you wrapped your arms around the back of his shoulders, his body pressing against your own in a way that was somehow both not enough and a little overwhelming at the same time. 

You lifted your hips somewhat, feeling his cock slide against your folds. The sensation pulled a moan from Dmitri against your mouth, him pressing back in return as he ground himself against you somewhat as you met his motion with another small roll of your hips. He parted from the kiss with a small inhale, letting out another short moan as you rubbed yourself against him again. 

As much as the words were right on the tip of your tongue; how much you wanted to feel him inside you, thankfully you didn’t have to say anything at the moment. Dmitri shifted somewhat, you feeling the tip of his cock press against your entrance as you wrapped your legs around his hips somewhat. You let out a soft sound at him pushing inside, his cock stretching you open a little more with only a little bit of a sting given how wet you already were. While he could push in further with little resistance, Dmitri still went slower than he needed to. 

Though, the feeling of his cock fully inside you was enough to where you didn’t feel the need to complain much. Still, you moved your hips against him, really wanting some movement. Dmitri rolled his hips against yours in turn, another somewhat slow movement as you tried to urge him to move a little faster. You were only met with a small, breathless huff in amusement and another small roll of his hips. 

“I have never seen you so needy for me.” 

“That is completely of your own doing–oh, fuck.” You cut yourself with a small gasp when he pressed into you with a bit of a harder thrust. 

“You have been really good for me, just a little more,” he muttered into your shoulder. 

You gripped a little tighter onto his shoulders as Dmitri’s thrusts became a little harder, setting a rhythm that was easier for you to follow. Still, despite that, you were still ridiculously close and each thrust of his cock rubbed against you in a way that made that fact hard to ignore. You really didn’t know how long ‘just a little more’ was in Dmitri’s mind, yet you tried your best to prolong your looming orgasm, trying not to move too much at points in increasingly poor attempts at trying to hold back. 

Shutting your eyes for a few moments, you tried to focus on anything outside of that pressure building up in you again. It was rather difficult, however, as you could hear Dmitri panting in your ear, his increasingly frequent moans and the sounds of your bodies meeting together as he thrusts grew faster. You let out a small, strained noise almost as a warning–to yourself or him, you weren’t sure–as you could feel that light fluttering deep inside you. 

The seconds almost seemed to drag on, each press of his cock against your walls and prod against that spot inside of you pushing you closer and closer to that edge. Dmitri’s thrusts were coming faster and deeper, the pleasure of those sensations making you moan and cry out more than you really had control over. 

“Dmitri…” you moaned. 

“I know,” he breathed, letting out what sounded like a curse in Russian. 

Mercifully, it seemed like the moment you had been waiting for was not as far off as you had been feeling. After a few more seconds, as much as it felt like time was dragging on indefinitely in the moment, Dmitri let out a deep moan and lifted his head to look at you again. 

“Cum for me,” he finally said, a command that took a few seconds to register but you were more than happy to oblige. 

You started to move your hips in time with his own again, only having to really hold on for more than a few more thrusts before that building pressure finally moved further down. You pressed your head back against the bed as your pussy clenched around Dmitri’s cock, the rush of your orgasm washing out his short praises and comments as you did so. Nor did you really catch the moment when Dmitri buried himself deep inside you and came with a low groan into your neck. You moaned and whimpered a little as the effects of your orgasm started to ebb out, your walls still clenching and fluttering lightly as your mind seemed to return to you. 

Dmitri still lay on top of you, his chest pressing against your own as he was catching his breath. You willed your legs to relax from where you still had them curled against his hips, which prompted him to shift to pull out of you before laying down against your side. 

“You are okay?” he asked after a few moments, which made you nod lightly with a small chuckle. 

“Yes.” 

You placed your hand over the arm Dmitri slung across your middle, smiling softly at the feeling of him pressing a kiss to the side of your neck. 

“I’ll get you back for this,” you muttered, feeling the tickle of Dmitri’s mustache against your skin as he grinned. “Just probably not tonight.” 

[kunikya]

𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆!!

ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~ toman members x fem! reader

cw: afab! reader, needy boys :((, oral(m reciving), spanking(like one time lmao), praises with slight degradation

wc: 0.5k

a/n: ofc the inevitable nnn post. imma try to post more often.

— how long would toman members last on no nut November ?

💌— tokyo revengers masterlist

—lasts a week.

Pathetic if you ask me. asks for a last fuck on October 31 and gets so pussy drunk. the moment it turned November it was torture for him. Poor baby :(( but hey at least it gave you the opportunity to tease him.

"m–mhm! baby please, don't do that." his soft whimpers echoed around the room. "hm? do what." You're such a fucking tease, how could you not see what you're doing to your poor boyfriend. You straddled his lap, wearing nothing but a skimpy dress, and coating his bulge with your bare pussy; your juices spilling onto his pants. "fuck..can't take it anymore–" he undid his belt and pants letting his hard aching cock spring out. 

"I need you so bad." 

takemichi, chifuyu, KAZUTORA, all of Mizo five, Hakkai

—2 weeks at best

Really tried not to fail this year. The universe wasn't on his side this year sadly, the more days of November go by the more he gets horny and needy. failed halfway but called it a win.

"oh fuck I missed this." he threw his head back as he pushed your head further onto his shaft. You gagged at his length hitting the back of your throat and making you whine. he only chuckled at your reaction. "aw cant your throat take me anymore ?" he grabbed and bunched some of your hair as he roughly thrust into your mouth. "don't worry, baby. I don't mind training this throat for the second time."

BAJI, katawa twins, Mikey, Inui

— lasts a month

ooh, congrats he won 🎉. but you shouldn't celebrate for too long. Man's didn't jerk off nor used your holes for a month. he expects compensation and ofc you give it.

"I bet you've been needy all this time too yeah ?" he rubbed circles onto your clit. "y-yes…please missed you so much." he chuckled knowing damn well you can't live without his cock. "that makes the two of us, baby." finally slipping his cock inside he felt euphoric. He never gets old with your pussy squeezing him tight. "gonna use this pussy all night." no surprise his thrusts got faster and rougher after putting it inside. His Stamina never seems to run out, making you cum over and over again and making you dumb was a well-deserved reward for lasting a month.

DRAKEN, mitsuya, Muto

— didn't participate 

Do you think you can convince him to not fuck you and even nut for a month?  just give up there's no way of convincing him. also has the audacity to punish you when you "tried to keep him away" 

"See ? u bet you can't even survive without my cock for a month" moaning and skin slapping bounced off the walls as he pounds into your poor cunny. "i-i can!" poor you, your sadistic boyfriend decided not to participate in nnn, now you're being punished for even mentioning the challenge for him. "yeah right." he slapped your right ass check, you made a bad mistake of slipping out a moan, that only boosted your boyfriend's ego. "see baby? you like it when I fuck you, don't be shy I can feel you squeezing around me just cum you slut."

sanzu.

[theinstagrahame]

It's a bad day, and I've been dragging my heels on this. But, I got a bunch of neat new TTRPG stuff in October, so here's what landed in my mailbox.

Break!! - A few years ago, I stumbled on some art on Twitter. It was fun, it was vibrant, and it felt inviting. I wanted to know more, looked into the artist, and discovered it was spot art for an upcoming RPG called Break!! So, I kept an eye on it. The book is beautiful, well laid-out, and really cool, so maybe one good thing came from Twitter*.

The Electric State - Tales from the Loop and Things from the Flood have been pretty high on my "To Play" lists for years. A follow-up, set in a similar (or the same?) world was kind of an instant pickup. Not as interested in the movie, but the game seems pretty rad.

The Geologist's Primer - I picked up the Herbalist's Primer when it came out, and was really impressed with the quality and care that went into it, so when I saw "That but for rocks" was in the works, I was definitely already in. Also excited for the follow up "Mushrooms next time".

Starkhollow Hall - I accidentally fell into a Gothic Fiction kick over Spooky Month, so the timing of this was perfect. I don't know a ton about the GUMSHOE system, but I do feel like what I know about it makes it a perfect fit for the genre. Gothic heroines (and I guess heroes) are at their best when they know there's a dangerous mystery at the heart of what's happening around them, and go looking for it anyway.

Forsaken - Kyle Tam is, honestly, a designer to watch. I picked this up because it was part of an Afterthought Committee project, which is a team I've also really enjoyed work from (my game Water Landing is built off of their game Cast Away). Does a better job of establishing a sort of grimdark/Soulsbourne vibe than some stuff that explicitly tries to.

Iron Edda Reforged - The pitch for this caught me immediately: Cyberpunk Norse Mythology. Tracy Barnett is another Designer to Watch, and I really like all of their stuff--haven't played the original Iron Edda, but have heard it on Party of One and really dug it. Was really hyped to see this come into being.

Electrum Archive v2 - I went through a Weird Sci-Fi phase this year, and the original Electrum Archive was an early pick for it. I really loved the world, the way each class worked differently, and the magic/currency/MacGuffin that it used. Obviously I wanted more, because the second book is here.

Alice is Missing - Silent Falls - My friends and I have been talking about the prospect of another Alice is Missing game since playing the first one about two years ago. It was a really memorable experience, partly due to the game's really compelling design, and to some of the in-moment decisions we made (I played the facilitator character, who starts the game having returned after a long absence, and another player immediately got pissed at them for sorta abandoning the group. it created an interesting play dynamic for the whole session)

Kill Him Faster - I picked up a previous Kovidae Games book as a lark: a collection of exercise-based RPGs. I nearly ignored their other stuff, but this had a pretty compelling pitch: What if time-travel was invented mostly so people could speedrun murdering Hitler. Since Eat the Reich came out, I've thought a bit about Hitler Revenge Fantasy as a genre, and honestly, I'm kinda into it. He was a loser, and deserves to be reduced to a video game villain and killed over and over again; so, yeah. Let's kill him faster next time.

Splat (issue 5) - I'm not usually one for essays and interviews, but this is a zine featuring and by some folks I really like and respect, and this one is packed with thoughts about the state of the indie TTRPG scene and industry from a diverse and immensely talented group. It's honestly a must-read.

(Already getting a few things for the next edition, but also feeling too garbage after the Clusterfuck Election to think about doing anything else today...)

---

footnote: * Technically, two good things came from Twitter. I also once expressed sorrow that I'd missed out on a limited T-shirt from a web comic artist that said "Sorry, Glenn, the only Beck I listen to has two turntables and a microphone", and the creator saw it and had an extra in my size.

[braveclementine]

October 13: Mirror Sex (Damon Salvatore) ❤️

Warnings: 18+ readers only, Mirror sex, pet names

Notes: Apparently I hadn't saved the original one which is why this one is so short, bad, and reads like it was written in five minutes (cause it was)

Copyright: I do not own Damon Salvatore or any of the TVD/TO/Legacies characters. I also do not condone this being copied.

"I would really prefer to skip todays." You said, biting your bottom lip. "I just. . . I don't think I can be dominant, at all. But maybe we could just replace it with something that's not on the list? I just don't think either of us would enjoy it."

"I agree." Damon said, looking down at his phone.

The two of you had been going along with the Kinktober challenge for the entire month of October. But, today was Mommy kink/dom and you couldn't be dominant to save your life.

Damon had given you one tap out which was one kink that you could skip this month. But you had been hoping to save it for the Wax kink.

"Here, I found one." Damon said, putting his phone aside.

"What is it?" You asked curiously and he grinned.

"You'll have to figure it out." He said, moving around the room with vampiric speed, making you dizzy. After a few seconds, all that you could notice a change about was that he had moved the comfortable armchair into the middle of the room.

"Strip baby." Damon said, smirking as he lifted his own shirt up over his head. You took a second to admire his figure, before slowly stripping. You were nervous, but you also knew that Damon would never make you do something that you didn't want.

After you had slid the last bit of clothing off your body, you approached him where he was sitting in the chair. You went to straddle him, but his hands landed on your hips, spinning you around so your back was flush against his chest.

"I want you to see yourself baby." Damon chuckled, his fingers already slipping down your thighs, touching your clit. "You don't get to cum until you guess what the kink is today."

You whimpered as his fingers circled your clit.

Trying to focus on his words instead, you looked around the room. He wanted you to see yourself. . . Your eyes landed on the mirror in front of you. You could see yourself in the mirror of course, could see Damon's long fingers circling the sensitive nub. Your eyes snapped up, meeting his in the reflective surface and he smirked.

"Good girl." He chuckled.

Mirror sex.

"Keep your eyes on yourself baby. Don't move them." Damon commanded, plunging two fingers into your cunt. You heard yourself gasp, watching his fingers going all the way in, his thumb swiping over your clit. It was erotic, watching him.

Then, he was lifting your hips up and you watched, fascinated, as your pussy seemed to suck his cock into it. "Fuck." You whispered hoarsely.

"That's it baby." Damon groaned, "Go ahead, ride me."

You placed your hands on the arms of the chair, slowly lifting yourself up and down. You couldn't tear your eyes away from where the two of you connected, watching how it looked as he continued to go in and out of you.

Damon eventually got frustrated with the slow pace, grabbing your hips and started to fuck you. This gave you a chance to look at his blissed-out face, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he grunted out moans. You watched your breasts, bouncing up and down with the motion of him fucking you.

"Damon." You gasped out, only now realizing that you were going to cum soon from the erotic situation. "Damon I'm going to cum!"

"Yeah?" Damon grunted. "Me too baby. You look so pretty like this. Go ahead and cum."

"Fuck." You cried out, squeezing your eyes shut. You nearly toppled forwards onto the floor as you felt the cold pleasure wash over you, but Damons' arms pulled you back into his chest. You felt his ropes spurt up into you and the two of you caught your breath.

"That was. . ." You tried to figure out what the best word for describing the situation was. "That was amazing."

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself." Damon chuckled, kissing your cheek. "Adorable girl."

"Another round?" You asked.

Damon chuckled, lifting you off of his cock, setting you on your feet on the floor. "Of course baby. But-"

Using his vampire speed, he moved around the room once more, this time you noticed the mirror was placed in front of the bed. Damon led you over to the bed and then pushed you down on it so that your hips were off, feet on the floor. You were facing the mirror looking into it.

Damon smirked from behind you. "I'm quite liking this kink."

"Me too." You gasped and then let the pleasure take ahold of you and prayed there would be more rounds after this.

[nobedofroses]

October 5th

pairing: Jack Daniels x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, allusions to spice

words: 878

a/n: Prompt for today is "decorating the house together" from this list by @novelbear. Silly and cute domesticity!

Directory, Day 4

🎃🎃🎃

When you and Jack had moved in together, you had both brought traditions with you. Most of yours were around seasonal and holiday cooking, but Jack’s had been about decorating. You hadn’t expected it, but Jack liked to go all out for every holiday (well at least the ones he cared about). And one of the main ones he cared about was Halloween. 

Because he had been into decorating long before he met you, he came with lots of decorations, but he also wanted you to contribute things you had or find new things you both liked together so it felt like a collaboration for your home. So each year, the two of you spent the two months leading up to Halloween keeping your eyes out for decor. Since Jack had most of the typical Halloween stuff to start with, the two of you looked for more sentimental or unique or even higher quality versions of things you already had that would last your lifetime if you took care of it. Which was how you ended up with a ceramic black cauldron filled with punch and a plastic black cauldron filled with candy right next to it at your annual Halloween party.

Jack liked to do the decorating on the very first day of October, but this year the first few days had been too busy with work and projects, so it had to be pushed back to today. The storage boxes had been pulled down from the attic a week prior in advance, one of the ways Jack was making sure you could start as soon as possible. 

When you woke up after sleeping in on this Saturday, you could smell something warm and cinnamon-y and delicious pervading the whole house and wondered how long Jack had been up to cook breakfast. You padded into the kitchen in the pumpkin-themed nightgown Jack had gotten you and insisted you wear during the season, along with the purple and green striped fuzzy socks. 

Seeing Jack at the stovetop, flipping pancakes and checking on a pot of spiced apple cider, you smiled and made your way over to him. Once you were behind him, you wrapped your arms around his middle and said, “Really getting in the mood, huh baby?” 

Jack hummed, a hand coming down to squeeze yours, “If you like this, darlin’, you should see the fire I’ve got goin’ in the livin’ room.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. It was still reaching 75 degrees during the day and the 45 it got down to at night didn’t exactly justify a fire. “I hope you turned off the AC.” 

“Actually, can you double check for me, peach? Pancakes’ll be done by the time you get back,” he told you. 

Shaking your head, you pressed a quick kiss to his shoulder blade, “You’re lucky I love you, cowboy.” 

As you walked to the living room, you heard him say quietly, “Don’t I know it,” and that more than made up for the checking. 

Jack laughed when you complained that he shouldn’t have tricked you with the fireplace video on the TV, “You’re just too cute not to tease a little bit.” 

You rolled your eyes, but could feel the warmth in your face that accompanied being flustered by Jack. Which was often.  

Breakfast had gone by quickly with Jack going over the game plan for the day and you were happy to follow his lead instead of coming up with the complex blueprints he had. Literal blueprints. 

After a quick cleanup of the dishes, etc., Jack turned to you and said, “Just one last thing and we can get started.” 

You looked at him expectantly, but what you did not expect was him pulling you close and tight and kissing you soundly on the lips. When you got your wits about you, you kissed him back, and the two of you stayed like that for long enough for you to get a little hot and bothered. 

A second or two later, Jack pulled back. All he said was, “Good morning, don’t think I’ve said that to you yet today, sweetheart.” 

“What— what was that for?” you asked, a little breathless. 

“That was to give us motivation to keep on moving on this project. No more makin’ out or nothin’ until we finish today’s work,” Jack said casually, moving to grab the first box of the day. 

You gaped at him, “Jack!” 

“Sorry honey, but we only have these decorations up for so long, so I’m pulling out all the stops to get it done today. I don’t know about you, but the motivation’s already working for me. Can’t wait to finish up so I can kiss you long as I want,” was his reply. 

You didn’t even know what to say to him, but you knew he wouldn’t budge, so you figured you should just get to work. 

The annoying thing was that it did seem to work. You finished a full hour and a half earlier than Jack had planned for. Something that didn’t seem physically possible, but was true. 

As you pushed Jack down on the couch when everything was done and you climbed on top of him, you said, “Next year, we’ll fucking decorate in September.”

🎃🎃🎃

[silver-missiles-and-nightingales]

The Beginning of a Long Adventure (Rush. Part 1 of 7)

Geddy Lee

AN: Hi!! So I finally decided to write for my prog fantasy AU, so I’m gonna tell you all how this works. There will be 7 parts, and each part except for the last two will be separated by band member (consider it as chapters). It will always be the POV of whatever band member’s name is at the top. I’m really excited about continuing the story through different people’s eyes and povs. Also, there will be no smut or shipping between any of the band members that I’m writing for in this series. Anyways, enjoy the story!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fighting probably started around the fifth month of touring. I was so ready for this tour to end, because as much as I loved Alex and Neil, they were getting on my nerves. Alex and I had been fighting nonstop for the last few days, and I knew it was stressing Neil out.

We had been touring for almost nine months, and sure it was a long tour, and people can get a bit crazy when around each other that long, but we weren’t usually like that. Honestly we had all been on edge since this tour started back in October last year, I don’t really know why, and I had been in too much of a funk myself to ask Alex and Neil. But we only had 3 shows after this next one, so maybe I could go home and chill out as soon as the tour was over.

We got off the bus at Geleen, ready to explore before our concert the next day. My first goal was to find a public phone so I could call my wife, Nancy, and I knew the others had similar ideas in mind. As we were all walking together and chatting, Lerxst and I got into another argument. It was a dumb argument I knew, but I called Alex a “dumb blond who knew nothing about the music trends now”. I may have said worse things in the past, cussed him out, used worse insults, but what was so bad about this, it wasn’t lighthearted, it wasn’t something stupid we could all laugh over after I said it, it was something I had actually meant. As soon as I realized what I said, I knew I had actually fucked up pretty bad. Alex looked close to ditching us, then and there, getting a ticket back to Toronto before we could finish the tour properly. I felt terrible, but my pride wouldn’t let me say sorry. The silence between the three of us got so tense and standoffish, Neil had to intervene. “How about we split up?” He asked, trying to de-escalate the situation. “We could all use this time to blow off some steam by ourselves.”

Alex and I glared at each other, but agreed that it was probably the best course of action, and so we all went our separate ways.

Things started going downhill as soon as I finished talking to Nancy. I immediately made my way to the nearest bar, and starting indulging myself in wine, thinking woefully of how I treated my bandmates, and how I should make it up to both of them. I thought about how Lerxst was probably doing the same thing as me, and for all I knew, he had already got a ticket for the next flight back to Canada. He was my lifelong best friend, but I had treated him like absolute shit for months.

After my fourth glass of wine, I paid and left the bar. Once I got outside, I looked around at the dark street, realizing I was lost, so I did probably the second most stupid thing I’d ever done in my life, I started walking in one direction, hoping to find my way back to the bus. Suddenly a voice called out.

“Hey you there!”

I stopped and turned, looking for the man who had said that, and I saw a man who looked only as I can describe as a disco magician. Although he did look vaguely familiar, I didn’t think too much of it since I’d seen many faces on tour. I also noticed he was standing under a dim streetlight, I must’ve passed right by it without noticing, then I realized the entire street was lit, I thought I remembered it being completely dark. Odd.

“You look like you could use some magic, sir.” The man said, flashing me a charming grin. I also noticed he had an American accent. Odd.

“I’m sorry I don’t have any money-“ I began to reply, but he cut me off.

“Free of charge. I’m Dennis, by the way.” He shook my hand firmly, and before I got a chance to respond, he spoke again.

”Now hold still Geddy.” Dennis said, and he pulled a pouch out of his pocket.

“What- how-?” Before I could ask him how he knew my name, I saw a bright golden light, then I passed out.

When I woke up, my head was pounding. I was also very disoriented. I sat up, my head spinning, I felt like I was rocking back and forth, and I felt sick. I looked around, and saw I seemed to be in a jail cell, except the floor, walls, and ceiling were wood. There were loud noises of stomping from the ceiling, and the sound of splashing and gulls from around me. There was a lantern illuminating the cell, and then I saw my bandmates: Neil, sitting up, looking just as disoriented as I felt, and Alex, asleep, looking deathly pale.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!

I have three best friends A, D and P and everything's so complicated at this moment. Over the past year (since Jan 23), I have ended up being hurt by all three of them.

A started dating this girl, R, and I wasn't really a fan of her because she refused to interact with any of A's friends, including me, A ditched me for her and I've tried bringing it up more than a few times in mature conversations where she has ended up telling me that R overthinks, and I at least have D, and another one of our friends, S to spend breaks with, while R, as the new girl doesn't. After 10 months, she has finally seen for herself and realised what I've been telling her for months, and plans to break up with her in two weeks. But we've had so many arguments about this, and I felt so shitty that she was so ready to ditch our six year old friendship for a girl that she had known for a grand total of six months. Long story short, this and her lack of understanding and consideration for my feelings has hurt me multiple times and only recently has she started making an effort to be better.

D and S have a lot in common. Same subject choices and classes, and they went on an exchange trip together. Most of the time I felt like I was third wheeling them, which has only recently stopped because D realised that S was an egoistic bitch. D and I have been best friends for seven years, but she so readily ditched me with S because they wanted to go somewhere in school where we had been specifically told not to go to. October through December last year, I didn't even want to go to school because while I wanted to see D, I hated feeling replaced.

P and I have had a complicated relationship for a long time. Last year, she told one of her other friends, M, about my crushes. We go to an all girls school, I'm a lesbian and the girls I liked were the self proclaimed mean girls. You do the math. Anyways, P tends to get into a lot of trouble, and last year our class teacher genuinely despised her. I cannot tell you the number of times I got into trouble by trying to get her out of it, or just for being friends with her. Yet I always feel like her second choice, actually, her last choice. I ask her to stay with us during the breaks, and she agrees but then goes off with M. At one point in time, she was mad at D and me for joking about her height (she's shorter than us) and called me an elephant. I'm curvaceous and a bit on the higher side of the scale for our age group, but yeah, she was supposed to be my best friend. This is obviously a bit biased, because I probably don't remember the shit I've done to her. Today I found out from A that P feels trapped in our friendship and that's why she spends time with M to escape. Apparently, I've hurt her a lot and said shit that "scarred her inside". And I feel so shit for that.

Sometimes, I wish I never met them. They're supposed to be my best friends, but all they do is hurt me. And they're always talking about how they're hurting or they were hurt so they acted the way they did, but what about me? What about how I'm hurt? I was planning to go out with A, D and P the weekend after my birthday to have a small celebration, and I was kind of excited for that because we were going to an arcade and I had always wanted to go there with them, especially with D and P. But now I don't want to do anything for my birthday, because I don't want P to stay in a friendship where she feels trapped, but I can't also not invite her. And even if I didn't, what's the point of just going out with A and D?

Sorry for ranting so much, but I don't really have someone to tell this to.

Hi hon <3

This sounds like a lot to deal with. Honestly, I think you need to sit down with all of these friends (not all at once, but one-on-one) and have some conversations about how you feel. If they feel you've hurt them too, then there's resentment on both sides, and it needs to be aired out, or the friendship's just going to get worse. If you want to stay friends with them, you need to try communicating, you know?

I think it also might be worth it to try to find some friends outside this group. See what else is out there. Best case scenario- you make new friends. Worst case- if all of these people continue to suck, you have other people to fall back on.

Naming you ADP anon!

[jasper-book-stash]

October 2024 Reading Wrap-Up

The eight books of this month really made me experience the whole span of human emotion. And maybe a couple of the shrimp ones.

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable (thank the gods).

2/10 - Trash

Pure Magic: A Complete Course In Spellcasting | Judika Illes

The amount of times I screeched about citing sources or admitting that the author has none...I didn't get too far. The author was wholeass pulling things out of her ass. This is the epitome of bullshit "feminist" pseudohistory. I couldn't even get to the parts about occultism because the bullshit made me throw the book.

(Side note, I don't think it's very "feminist" to depict women of the past as having a beautiful matriarchal society and then having that taken over by men... Like girl, you are actively shitting upon those who came before you! You are downplaying their struggles and lying!!!)

3/10 - Meh

Horses And The Mystical Path: The Celtic Way Of Expanding The Human Soul | Adele Von Rust Mccormick, Ph.D., Marlena Deborah Mccormick, Ph.D., Thomas E Mccormick, M.D.

Here's the thing. Except for the emphasis on combining a whole bunch of cultures together as Celtic, this was just...not the book for me. I'm not Christian, I'm not struggling with finding my faith in any way, and while I like horses I don't care much for the approach. It was just...boring to me.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

The Husbands | Holly Gramazio

This was a decent book. It's about a husband-producing attic, and the main female character trying to find out what's going on. But it was very difficult to keep up with all of the characters (because their details often changed with each husband) and the female character got to the point where she was just regularly speedrunning husband options. It feels like this was a little too long for what it was. I probably would have enjoyed it more if it was a novella instead of a novel. But hey, it was a debut novel, and we always love to see more authors coming up and out.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

Mead Mishaps 2 and 3: That Time I Got Drunk And Yeeted A Love Potion At A Werewolf & That Time I Got Drunk And Saved A Human | Kimberly Lemming

I read and enjoyed book one in September, and book two was just as good and fun, with a mystery incel cult going on. Book three was a little less enjoyable than the first, because it felt like it was setting up for things that never came through, and there's only so much new stuff you can tread with the same approach of "male dragon and [redacted for spoilers] human woman". But it was still stupid and fun and very, very horny. And these ones put content warnings in the beginning, which is very nice!

Mothman: Behind The Red Eyes…The Complete Investigative Library | Jeff Wamsley

My overall feelings about this book is that it's fine, the author's interviewing skills suck shit. There are a lot of newspaper clippings and some of the formatting makes me want to chew rocks, but it's otherwise pretty good. We take a very interesting detour into aliens and the Men in Black. It's also important to note that this is apparently the second Mothman book he's written and he repeatedly references the first one, which I do not have, but it also kinda stands on its own.

It's funny because I did not buy this book. My stepdad's coworker heard my stepdad talking about hopes to eventually go to West Virginia to see the Mothman statue and just. Had the book. And gave it to my stepdad.

Honestly, what a fitting way to acquire such a book.

9/10 - Very Very Good

Providence Girls: A Sapphic Horror Romance | Morgan Dante

This book made me want to chew a hole through sheetrock. That is a compliment. DEFINITELY mind the content warnings. Spoilers coming up, but the spoilers aren't actually that surprising when you remember that this is a Lovecraftian lesbian romance.

So the framing of it is that it's letters between Lavinia Whateley and Asenath Waite. Lavinia escapes being sacrificed in Dunwich and runs until she winds up in East Providence, where Asenath finds her and takes her in. Asenath is slowly turning into a fish person because she's from the mess going on in Arkham and they live together and it's simultaneously an analysis of Lovecraftian horror, living in the 1930s, and sapphic romance. They're so freaking cute.

Lavinia's letters are framed as being post-Azzie's fishification while Azzie's are from before that, but the letters alternate to create a linear narrative despite this non-linear framing.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Doing Justice: A Prosecutor's Thoughts On Crime, Punishment, And The Rule Of Law | Preet Bharara

If you've been paying attention to the most recent posts on this blog, you're not going to be surprised that I've been going insane over this book. Narrative nonfiction wasn't one that I thought I would enjoy, but now I know that I do. There was only one part that I had to skip, personally, because of the details discussed...but honestly, it was so good. I look forward to reading more of what this author writes.

[fiorimaya]

JanPepper Week: Day One - The Beginning

@janpepperweek Oh gosh... I'm sorry for how late this is. Going to do my best to have something for all the prompts by October! ALSO I know what Janice said in the show about, you know... how she got Floyd LOL but I'm not going to use that (because I just don't know how LOL) but anyways... hope you all enjoy :)

The board-house full of Muppets was busy and loud as per usual, though the thoughts swirling through Janice's mind seemed much louder. All of it was becoming a bit too much for her, so she made her way to the roof and sat down, looking up at the sky as the sun set and painted the sky so many pretty colors. She took a deep breath; only sound she heard being the traffic on the interstate in the distance. This was "her place". Well, her and Floyd's. They had started going up there to the roof all the time just to talk. It had started just over a month earlier when Janice found herself in a rather difficult situation. She was in a band and one of her bandmates had been given another title: her ex. She and Zoot had tried to make it work, but it just didn't work out that way. The Muppet Show was nearing its second season and the last thing Janice wanted was for things to be awkward. Would the band's performances be awkward? And what about the At the Dance sketches in which Kermit had paired her with Zoot?

Her and Zoot had both kept showing up to band rehearsals, and even then, they still spoke to each other. It just felt different. It was weird. Janice didn't like that, and she was sure Zoot didn't like it either. They were close for the longest time; long before anything romantic started between them. Thankfully, it had gotten much better over the last month and a half. The awkwardness was slowly fading, and they were both thankful. But now... new thoughts spun in Janice's mind.

Floyd was always there to listen to her feelings during the whole thing that was happening with her and Zoot. Right there on the roof where she sat was where it always happened. Not only would Floyd listen, but he made Janice feel heard. He made her feel calm. He made her feel less alone. She truly believed that just him being there for her made the whole situation so much more bearable for her. She felt safe with him; and when she really thought about it, she realized no one else had ever made her feel that way. Not even Zoot.

There was just something about the way Floyd talked to her, looked at her, that made her heart skip a beat. She had known Floyd even before she knew the others in the band. She saw him all the time, yet somehow, she wanted to see him even more. She thought that she was in love with Zoot, but she was feeling something now for Floyd that made her doubt that "in love" was exactly what she had felt for Zoot. She cared about Zoot, of course she did. But with Floyd it was just different. It was more.

What would he, like, even see in me anyways? She thought to herself. And wouldn't it be too soon anyways? Like, Zoot and I haven't even been broken up for two months yet.

She sighed and looked up at the sky above her. It was getting darker now, and the stars were lightly twinkling despite the sun not being fully set yet. She knew Floyd would be here soon, looking for her once he noticed she wasn't with the others while they prepared for dinner. As if her thoughts sent him a cue, she heard the door open and felt his presence beside of her.

"Hey Jan. You okay?" He asked her, something off in his voice.

She turned her attention to him then. "Fer sure. Are you?"

He looked down and didn't answer. "Sorry it took me a bit. I noticed you were gone and started to come up but Teeth wanted to talk."

Had something happened between him and Teeth? She shifted so that she could face him, one leg curled under her and the other left dangling off the edge of the roof. "Is everything okay? Did something, like, happen?"

He kept his gaze down and let out a breath. "We just, uh, got into a bit of an argument."

Janice's mouth gaped. "An argument? About what?"

Floyd let out another breath that sounded more like a bit of a laugh this time. Finally, he looked at her. "You."

Janice was taken aback. "Me? Like, why?"

Floyd looked down again, blushing slightly. He knew he could tell her, that she wouldn't be upset with him for it. Because talking about anything and anything at all was just natural for them. It always had been. "He, uh... he caught on and noticed that I, uh, y'know... like you."

Janice just stared at him, not sure exactly what to say at first. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

"Like... like me?" She finally got a few words out.

Floyd laughed his usual laugh then. "Yeah, Jan. I like you. Y'know, like that. He's just worried if something did ever happen between us like that, what it would mean for the band. Given your history with Zoot and all that."

That made Janice wonder if Teeth had caught on to her having feelings for Floyd, too.

Floyd continued. "I mean, I don't want things to be even more awkward for you and Zoot again after you two are finally getting back to a good, uh, not awkward place. But I just wanted you to know that I do like you a lot, Janice. And... I wanna be with you. I actually have for quite some time now."

Janice felt her cheeks getting warm as she tried to fight a giggle at how cute his rambling was. She couldn't remember him ever doing it before. She had to bite her lip as his rambling continued.

"And I understand if you don't feel the same or you're not ready or if you're, y'know, done with band members or-"

"Floyd, stop," she cut him off, her giggle finally escaping her lips. He looked over at her again, and she rested a hand on his shoulder. "I-I do like you," she smiled. "Y'know, like that."

"You do?" He blinked a few times.

"Fer sure," she nodded. "And I wanna be with you too, Floyd."

Floyd looked at her in disbelief, and then let out a happy laugh. "So... we're a thing now?"

"I'd like to be," Janice coyly told him.

"And Zoot?"

"We'll figure that out later," she told him, wrapping her arms around him. He returned the hug, her face against his chest. She smiled more. "I'm sure everything will like, turn out fine. All I know is I like, wanna be with you no matter what."

Floyd nodded, even though she couldn't see from her position. He gently pressed a kiss into the top of her head and sighed happily. "I feel the same exact way, Jan."

[meraki-yao]

This is gonna be really personal, and really venty and probably really selfish, and I’m most likely gonna delete it in the morning, but I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it, so I’m just gonna shout this into the void. If you’re not in a good space either, please stop reading and keep scrolling.

I’m not in a good place in my life right now. Truth be told my mental health has been shit since I was 7, but this is the worst I’ve ever been. Long story short, I was pressured into a college major that I didn’t want by family, and I thought I could pull through the four years of school, but it’s the first semester of the second year and I can’t handle it. I do not suit this major, nor do I find any purpose or joy in trying to deal with it. I hate it, I struggle with, yet it consumes all the time in my life. It’s been like this since the start of college, and it’s just getting worse. It doesn’t help that adults around me keep telling me how good this major is as a career and how I need to start looking for internships. It’s gotten to the point where I’m mentally and physically unhealthy, and I skipped school for the entirety of October without anyone but my sister knowing because classes gave me panic attacks. My parents aren’t people I can talk to about this because 1, they invalidate mental health issues as my fault for not trying hard enough because engineering and science came easy to them 2, they’re the ones who put me in this position in the first place. My sister listens but I help her more than she knows how to help me, and my friends are all busy with their own stuff.

I am seeking professional help on my own, I have bimonthly counselling which helps, and I recently started taking prescribed antidepressants. But for me to find a psychiatrist for a diagnosis on my life long issues and more meds, or for me to start looking into switching a major (which is a fucking arduous process where I am, fuck), I need to wait till I’m done with my exams which will be the last two weeks of December

So for the following month, I’m stuck, and fucked.

RWRB saved me in a way. I accidentally stumbled upon the trailer when it came out and suddenly I had a source of joy, a reason to keep going and keep looking forward to the next day. RWRB made me the happiest I’ve been since January of 2022. I can’t explain why, maybe it’s how I relate to Henry, maybe it’s how firstprince’s relationship is so beautiful, maybe it’s how it’s a rom com, I don’t know. But I have a couple of movies/shows that make a huge impact on my life, and RWRB is one of them. Waking up to something new, waking up happy with something to look forward to felt so good after so long of wanting time to just pass by me. I’ve haven’t watched a movie on repeat since I was 6 and repeating the original Lion King. I started this account because I had so many thoughts about the movie and I wanted to share them.

And I know it’s not the healthiest to hook all of my sanity onto a fandom/movie. But I’m not in a space where I can deal with my actual problems directly right now. And I do have other things in my real life that make me feel a bit better, but RWRB really has been the most effective/impactful one right now.

This is also the first time since Infinity War in 2019 were I followed a movie’s promo and release rather than discover it when all is said and done. And it happened to coincide with the strikes. Which again I’m supportive of and proud of the agreements they achieved, but the timing of everything just makes me so upset.

I thought that Prime would keep it going for a bit, especially after the strike resolved. And right now I’m not saying they’re definitively not doing anything. We don’t know that.

But I thought they would release a new deleted scene on 18th since that’s the date the last two deleted scenes were released, and it was the 100th day since release. When that didn’t happen, I thought they would release it on Thanksgiving. I lost sleep over waiting for it. But that didn’t happen either.

I got an anon ask who kindly but objectively explained the situation on the business side. And after reading and answering those asks…

I felt really fucking bad.

I kinda just lied down, panting and trembling.

It kinda felt like drug addiction withdrawal. Which is a morbid thing to compare it to, because if it weren’t for my myriad of problems this would just be a hyperfixation, but withdrawal is genuinely the only way I can explain my reaction (but to clarify I never actually did drugs)

And the following days I just had this ache and weight in my chest.

I think the reason my reaction is visceral is because RWRB is really my only, singular source of unbridled happiness right now. It’s literally the only thing I’m trying to hold on and stay afloat for, the reason I wake up in the morning. I thought Prime would keep going for a while with a relatively fixed monthly schedule of something new, but that broke off.

And that’s not to say that the fandom isn’t included in my RWRB happiness. I still fucking love the fanart and fanfics I come across.

But the jump from August and September to now, and my worsening issues because of school, it just hits harder.

I’m kind of at a lost right now. I’m getting worse in my own life with exams that I’ll definitely straight up fail (and I used to be a star student: I’ve needed academic validation my whole life) on the horizon, and I feel like I’m losing the only thing I held on to for the past couple of months.

I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do.