#oc: ezran bristol-smith

[writersplight]

THE FATHER IS A DEAD MAN

For: @elijahlittle A/N: This bitch took me so long to write. I will probably post more because I enjoy pain caused by Erwin Smith. Enjoy <3 ——— Ena’s dream for the longest time was to be a beloved mother and wife. She has been looking for a husband ever since she left home, the desire for her dream to come true burning within her. For years now, since joining the Survey Corps, it had been put on the back burner, always in the back of her mind. Unfortunately for her, she fell for the commander. Erwin Smith. A monster of a man to some, but to her—due to years of chipping away at his exterior walls in private—he had shown her some of his humanity. Deep, deep down below the veil of a commander was a human that she has risked it all for. In his own way, he has shown how fond he has grown of her, too. Like almost a month ago, when Ena entered his room to hand him some tea she made, and they shared a passionate night together. Ena never thought she'd get that far with the commander, so she cherished every moment She could have sworn he said something about loving her, but she didn’t ask. She held onto that like a lifeline. Through all the recent mornings of her getting sick and feeling nauseated, she thought: “He said he loved me, so I’m okay.” It was all worth it. With the betrayal of Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover—the Armored and Colossal titan—and now news of the titans in the wall, and the Beast Titan, Ena was instructed to stay in Wall Sina and see a doctor. She didn’t argue, because she was growing concerned about being this sick in the morning. Also the increase in appetite. In hindsight, she should have known what was happening to her. However, that didn’t stop her from pulling him off to the side, and, though his eyes were distant, and he wasn’t the Erwin she knew then, she told him to “Hurry back alive”. The doctor confirmed it, after she waited for a few hours. Half of her dream was being achieved. She was going to be a mother. Only three weeks along, she could see her life unfold. Maybe this will be the thing that grounds Erwin, and ties him to her officially. Up until now, she was content with the privacy, with the late night whispers and touches. But now. . . She awaited them to come back, a nervous smile on her face that didn’t match the others. There were always injured soldiers, and reasons why missions extended passed what she was told. That was normal. Her light blue eyes wandered for the commander, going from distressed teen face to distressed teen face. Something was off, that was more than apparent. She grabs onto Levi and Hanji’s arms, searching for something in their faces. “Where’s Erwin? I have some news I have to break.” Ena’s voice is wobbly, seeing their face grow grim. She’s sitting at a table, where some cadets and Levi join her. Armin sits farthest away, at the end of the table, head leaning down. “Ena. . .” Hanji starts, but quickly stops, looking at the ground. There’s no point in crying, is there? Not all over again, after crying before. It’s not what’s expected of them now. As the 14th commander of the Survey Corps. . . “He’s dead.” Levi finishes, getting up for tea. He gets her some. She’s filled in on the mission, the basement, the whole Armin being chosen over Erwin. She’s silent, taking it all in. Her eyes wander to Armin, who won’t even look up. Her heart squeezes, not able to imagine the pressure he must feel. Still, she listens, holding back her own news and tears. It feels wrong to be happy about it now. “So. . . Armin was chosen over Erwin?” Levi nods, slowly, bringing his cup to his lips. She nods slowly, mulling over the information. To her, though she misses him, it makes sense. She manages a small smile, turning her head. “Armin, come here.” She instructs, and he does so instantly. She takes his hands in her own when he sits in the chair to her left. “I can’t imagine the pressure you’re under. Bertholdt’s memories, the Colossal titan’s powers, feeling like you were chosen over Erwin—it’s a lot for a boy. However, you are not Erwin. You are your own

person. Do not let Levi or Hanji pressure you into filling his shoes. You’re brilliant on your own.” He looks mortified. She sighs, moving her hair off her shoulders. “You must, instead, promise me one thing.” She holds out her pink finger. “You must be the opposite of Erwin Smith, got it? You cannot lose sight of your dreams or your own humanity, okay? Can you promise me that?” Tears well in his eyes, as he locks pinkies with her. It was a difficult promise, one that he will most likely break, but Ena was already prepared for that. It was okay for Armin to break this promise, because it was only made to take the pressure off of him at this moment. “Right, thank you.” She pulls away from the burdened cadet. She sighs, looking down at her tea. It was untouched. She didn’t want any of it. She licks her lips, swallowing what little tears she had. Clearing her throat, she makes her announcement. “I’m pregnant.” And the father is a dead man.

She cries on her own time. She’s not going to be the strong soldier she built herself up to be. She’s not going to have the support of a husband. Her child isn’t going to have a child. Ena cries harder at the thought. On the left side of the room, but in a separate quarters, Levi hears her. It’s not like he was sleeping anyways. He says nothing, sitting in the loss of a friend and the mourning from another. ——— It’s a boy. Ena smiles, holding it close to her body. It was a long nine months, but so worth it. Her baby boy, so small and fragile. Her baby boy. Half of her dream is still completed. He’s alive and healthy. “What are you going to name him?” Levi asks, peering down at the small baby. He looks disgusted, but that’s just his face. “I don’t quite know. I haven’t given it much thought.” she whispers, the exhaustion kicking in. She didn’t know birth was so painful, or this long. She’s been in labor for ten hours. But, she wouldn’t trade it for the world. She has her baby boy, her dream, in her hands. What was once thought of unattainable, was struggling in her clothed breasts, peacefully sleeping. “What about ‘Erwin’—junior, of course,” Hanji suggests, and the mere thought of it made her clutch her baby closer to her chest. “If they share the same name,” she slowly says, continuing to mull it over, “will they have to share the same fate? Would I have to watch my son become desensitized to deaths he caused—to my own love? Would I have to watch him throw away his life, while I’m on the sidelines?” The blonde didn’t realize she was crying until Levi held out a handkerchief. She takes it, wiping her face haphazardly. Her eyes pierce the new commander, who gulps. “That’s not—” “No one can live up to his name, his selfish selflessness. I will give him a different name, and he’ll forge his own path.” She says, with finality, and Hanji nods, going to leave. Unlike Erwin, they could not stand awkward situations they made, and refused to sit in them. “I have thought about it,” Ena whispers, stopping them, “but look at him. My beautiful baby boy is part of me, too. It’s one thing to lose a lover that was barely yours, it’s another to lose your baby boy to a name he knows nothing of. . . I don’t want to rob him of any opportunities he has to be a regular boy.” They nod, leaving. Levi sighs, sitting back. Through everything, he’s still here. For some reason. It’s as confusing as it is comforting. Soon, the cadets come, amazed by the little baby. They were polite and quiet—those who got rowdy were threatened by Levi—and she handed her baby off to be held one by one. When it got to the last person, Connie, it had to be taken from him. He was crying hysterically for some reason, and his hands were shaky and unstable. He returned later, with flowers and an apology. “You’re going to apologize for crying, but not tell me why?” Ena jokes, shifting up in her bed. She was still sore and tired, but was restless. Her baby was sleeping in a cradle next to her. “Right, uhm—” he sits down, wiping his hands on his pants. “Sorry. He just—whatever his name is—he reminded me of when my youngest brother was born. I miss my family.” “Ah. . .” was all Ena said, leaning over to put her hand over one of Connie’s. Her eyes searched for the younger cadet’s, getting all the information she needed. Now that she was a mother, she could read people slightly better. It’ll only get stronger as he grows up. “Then I think you have a dream similar to mine. For different reasons. I had a bad, distant family, so I wanted to make one who was close. For how you act, I assume you had a close family.” The buzzcut teen nods, a deep frown on his lips. “You’ll find someone. Right now isn’t the best time, you’re still young, but it’ll come.” She advised, before pointing towards her baby. “That baby boy right there, should be enough motivation. You’ve got a big heart, Connie, I don’t doubt you’ll achieve your dreams.” He nods, and says something about how late it is, that they both need their beauty sleep. Ena stops the teen

soldier before he leaves, pointing to her son again. Her smile never falters. “His name is Ezran.” ——— It’s hard raising a baby and being in the Survey Corps, but she manages it as best as she can. What makes it easier is that everyone adores Ezran. He’s a bundle of joy, with an insatiable appetite for knowledge. Just like Erwin. In fact, he looks a lot like his father. Shares most of the same features. But his eyes. . . They’re a pale, dull blue just like Ena’s. Everything else is a copy of Erwin—as Hanji has said. Internally, she has agreed with them, but she refuses to say it is allowed. Ezran shouldn’t be compared to someone he doesn’t know. He doesn’t need that invisible pressure. Though, she hasn’t withheld stories of Erwin’s. . . accomplishments. She loves him, but she’s sure not to paint him in too good a light. He was immoral at times, and made their personal relationship rocky and uncertain, but a four year old didn’t need to know that. He just needed to know his dad was a hero before he was a man, and made raids like this possible. She stayed away from the fight, with Hanji and Onyankopon. She rocked Ezran, who was dozing off. He was such a sleepy baby, despite everything. He saw his first death tonight. Two little kids hopped onto the aircraft, and the smaller one shot Sasha. The commotion spooked Ena, and she ran to check. She couldn’t cover her son’s eyes in time. He saw Sasha’s limp body and everyone crying. He cried, too, much to his mother’s surprise. She expected him to gravely look down upon the dead body as if it meant nothing. It was in these minutes that she forgot her son was not his father. He still had his humanity. She held her son as he cried over his lost friend. Ena cried for another reason. ——— It’s all over. Eren sacrificed himself, and there are no more titans. Ezran and Ena are alive. Levi is alive. Hanji is not. It’s okay. Well, no, it’s actually not okay. Eren committed a mass genocide in seconds, leaving only a handful of people alive. She could rationalize it, however, because her baby boy was still alive. Though he had no intentions of killing him off, Ena recalled begging Eren on her knees in Paths to spare his life. “I don’t—he’s going to live,” Eren says, a promise in his tone. The blonde mother erupts in a new set of tears, pulling him into a hug. She couldn’t forgive him for that distanced, god complex he developed to trick Zeke, but this was a step in the right direction. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she chants, eyes blurry from the tears. If she couldn’t have Erwin, then she wanted her son. That’s all she remembers. But when it was wall over, the first thing she felt was Erzan running towards her with tears in his pale eyes. He couldn’t have understood this. She just reassures him that he’s okay, and that it’s all over now, though her leg is missing. It was chopped off before everyone went titan mode. She was okay with it being gone. Her son was okay, that’s all that mattered. She’ll explain it later, and as many times as he needs her to. But not in this moment, where she smiles and kisses his cheeks, mentally thanking Eren for being alive. Ezran is six years old. They live with Levi. He’s mainly confined to a wheelchair, so he needs help. With the help of Armin, Connie, and Jean, Ena was made a wooden prosthetic that is strapped to her hip. Her leg hurts most days, but she does her best to stay out of a wheelchair herself. Her son is so chatty, and he reads with an aptitude that even Armin can barely keep up with. His mind is a sponge, soaking up any information he can get his hand on. “Mama! I finished ‘A Wrinkle in Time’!” he called to her, holding out his copy. She wasn’t even halfway done. They talk about it, and she lets him spoil the ending for her, not wanting to stop his excitement. He looked so happy reciting his favorite parts of the book, she didn’t have the heart to stop him. “Mama, what are we going to read next?” She taps her chin, before shrugging. “We’ll ask Armin when he visits us later. I think it’s lunch time.” He

grabs her hands, pulling her into the kitchen. Ena puts her son on the counter so he can help. He stands, when her back is turned, and he nearly falls. She manages to dive and catch him at the last minute. She sighs, glad her reflexes are still working, before she begins tickling her son. “Be more careful, bug! You could have gotten hurt!” He squeals, trying to run from her. Pushing away from her didn’t stop her, and he couldn’t run far from her. He grabbed the first thing blindly, and pulled, not seeing until the last second it was her necklace. He gasps, looking down at the locket. He stops, prying open the heart. It was a picture of an older man, who looks just like him. It was the smallest drawing he’s ever seen. “Is this. . .” “Yeah, that’s your dad. Erwin Smith.” Ena sighed. Even with Ezran around, who looks like the spitting image of him, she still misses him. Sometimes, when she goes to bed at night, she dreams of Erwin meeting his son, and how happy he would be to see Ena’s dream. Once, she dreamed they got married, with little Ezran as the ring bearer. . . She sniffed, pulling Ezran onto her lap. She held him close, like letting him go would mean losing him forever. He didn’t seem to mind today, eyes on the locket. From what he could tell, it was drawn by that Horse Guy, whatever his name was. Gene, or Janet—it was hard to pronounce for the little guy. It was nice. For a moment, he thought: If I was like him, would Mama stop crying? It was only a whisper, before he turned to her with a question. “Can we go visit his grave today, mama? I need him to hear about the books I’ve read!” She thinks it over. When was the last time they both visited? Ena goes every other Saturday, but she only brings their son on rare occasions. With a content sigh, she nods. “Okay. We’ll go after Armin visits, okay?” She stands, offering him a hand. “Now, what did you want for lunch today, Ezran?”