#oc arn

[filopay]

ARN ARMUNDSON

sixteen | he/him | Human | Nord

Oh I'm not scared mother Can't you hear he calls my name Oh boy, the sky's not speaking And the wind will never learn your name Oh no you're wrong mother And the wind and I, I think we'll run away

— Finnegan Tui

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] ~Hatred

"I know it's not ideal." 

She says that every time you both set up the small little camp built out of twigs and leaves somewhere in the woods. As if it would change the situation, make it more bearable.

"I still remember the first blanket I made you." Her smile was weak, but her eyes glistened with fondness, as she tried to cushion the floor beneath your shelter, "You were so small back then, it swallowed you whole, but eventually you grew into it. You could never fall asleep without it." 

Her smile dropped then, as if realising that everything you have ever owned, every story behind it, was lost.

"I remember." Perhaps a small condolence, but for a moment her strained smile returned.

She laid out her coat on the wet wooden floor beneath the makeshift shelter, she never asked you to take off yours for the both of you to lie in. You noticed everything she had ever done, she did for you. Even if it meant, leaving everything behind. She never hesitated.

Sometimes you wonder if she regrets her decision. If she regrets having you. When will she realise that you are a mere burden to her?

"That should do it. You go in first, munchkin." 

"Where are you going?" She always leaves to make sure you are both safe. You know she barely sleeps to keep an eye on you too, you can see it in the shadows beneath her eyes. 

So far she always returned to you, you always found each other even amidst the chaos, but what if she can't find you? What if one time, she does not return?

"Don't worry." She smiles and draws a warm hand over your cheek, as if sensing your worries, "Make yourself comfortable. It won't be like this forever. Soon we'll be back in a cozy and warm bed, behind the safety of the walls and there will be no need to run anymore. I promise."

"When?" You ask despite knowing the answer.

"When we manage to have you do the proper ritual. When the God of Mountains will accept you."

"I have to perform a great hunt for that. All I do is hide."

"All when the time is right. Sleep now. I will be back shortly."

That too was something you have heard her say a lot since you both had been forced to flee into the woods. You're no longer certain that there will ever be a right time. How can you prove yourself, when she won't let you?

“You always pretend like nothing is wrong, but they took our home from us and now want to kill us. You don’t even hate them for it. Like we deserved what happened.” You scoff, not understanding how she can remain so positive despite it all not being your fault.

She halts for a moment, the smile from before is replaced with worry. “Don’t- Arn, look at me.” You begrudgingly tilt your head to meet her gaze, “We did not deserve any of it, Fate was playing against us. The people had chosen, they are afraid and think that the new ways are giving them more security, but it's not the system that is wrong. Not only.”

“So you do hate the scholar too.” 

“It’s okay to be angry, but don’t let your heart darken from it. They won, fair and just. I agreed to the rules and we would be a bad loser if we do not respect their win. So, no, I do not hate them for it. I think it was the right time for a change.”

“Why would the people like them better than us? We have been ruling over the North for generations. The scholar just arrived a few weeks prior to my coronation. It is just not fair.”

“I know the timing makes it look even worse.” She says with a tired sigh and you realise only now, that she must have been trying to appear strong for you, hiding her own frustration well, “I can’t promise you that it will all get back to how it was, that we will reclaim the throne, I think our time is over, but I can promise you, that we will no longer need to hide. That we do not need to be afraid for our lives and hide in the trees. You will sleep in safety. I will promise you that.”

You drop your head with a heavy heart. “I still hate them.” They took your big day from you, they ruined it all. How can she so easily forgive?

She hums, a sad look in her eyes. “It is your right to do so. Yet, you should try to sleep. We will discuss our options tomorrow.”

You watch as she gets up with alert eyes before disappearing into the darkness to lead any pursuers astray. She didn't even take her coat with her.

You try to do as she said. You try to make yourself comfortable, but her absence and the fear riddled with the growing hatred within your heart was making it difficult. If only you could do something to help. Make a difference yourself. But you couldn’t. You were nothing but a burden to her and powerless in a world that was ruled by power. You were only a child in the eyes of the adults around you. How can you change that?

You close your eyes, try to quiet the voices in your head. That the coat was smelling of her sweet and calm scent did help a little and soon you found yourself slowly drifting off. Afterall, it had never been about the blanket she had made for you, it was about having something of your mother close.

Even if she herself, seldom was.

[ 967 words ]

Next Part ➜

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