#obviously if something is causing somebody distress AND they want to change it that's one thing

[bondsmagii]

If you feel comfortable sharing, what do you mean when you say that psychiatrists don't think you can exist? You know your own experiences better than I do, but the idea of a psych telling a patient what their reality is, rather than observing reality to determine outcome, is killing the methodologist inside me

I have no interest in sharing because like. I just do not. but I can address the rest of what you're saying.

the whole basis of going to see a psych is the be told what your reality is, in one way or another. whether that's seeking out a diagnosis, unpacking bullshit to see what's "beneath" it all, trying to get to the bottom of memories/behaviours, or even just working out Why You're Like That, you're relying on somebody else to tell you what your reality is. some people find this works well for them, and that's great. I'm not denying that there aren't lots of people out there who have benefited greatly from psychiatry, and as a believer in medical autonomy, I'm of course always going to encourage those who feel like therapy might help them to try it out. however, we do need to remember that therapy is a medical procedure, and by undergoing it, people want to be told something about their reality that they either can't or won't see.

sometimes, this works out well. it makes sense. the patient and the therapist are in agreement. but the second that you disagree with your therapist... a lot of people find this is where things get nasty. there's an expectation that your therapist knows best, because they're trained in the field -- but no amount of schooling is ever going to be enough to tell someone their reality. if somebody is hands-down insisting that something is the case, you need to believe them. therapists, in my experience and in the experience of many people I've known, aren't too great at that. advocating for yourself, and disgreeing with an insight or a suggestion, quickly gets you labelled as an uncooperative patient -- and you would be surprised at how quickly you start getting treated like you're the problem, and you're not "committed" enough, or you're not "willing to put the work in".

and this is just things that therapists agree are real. what I have going on is something that therapists do not even consider possible, and after all, they're the experts, right! if I went to a therapist about this, I would be called delusional or psychotic at best, and a liar at worst. despite the fact that I am right here, existing -- and despite the existence of many like me -- the psychiatric community is just not ready for that discussion yet. they refuse to believe that it's possible, and instead of conducting research to prove or disprove this hypothesis, they simply refuse to acknowledge it or even entertain the idea at all.

the psychiatric community, as a whole, has no interest in observing reality. there is a huge confirmation bias in the field, and somewhere along the line they have stopped using science as a tool to find out more about their field, and started wielding it as a weapon to silence dissenters and ensure they're always correct and never challenged. while individual therapists can be helpful and decent, the field as a whole is incredibly toxic. any field of science that looks at a possibility and says "this isn't possible because I said so, and no I shall not research because I Know I Am Right", is not a field of science worth existing. according to these people, I don't exist, yet here I am. they would answer this by telling me I'm wrong, and trying to convince me I have a severe mental illness that I just don't realise I have. if anyone else did that under any other circumstances, we'd call that gaslighting.

[gladerscake]

No One Better

(Gally x Reader)

Hope you have some time, because this one’s large and in charge (of the feels, that is). Huge thanks to all the lovely people who encourage me to keep writing. Enjoy!

A few beads of sweat rolled down your temple, your bottom lip beginning to sting from how hard you were biting down on it, your brows furrowed in intense concentration, all while you were struggling to finally saw through this one stupid chunk of wood. It was a particularly thick one - you’ve been at it for almost ten minutes, with frustratingly minimal results. The muscles of your right arm were positively aching, pleading for you to drop the shucking saw and just ask somebody for help.

However, your resolve was stronger than your protesting muscles. You could do this. You didn’t need help.

You gave yourself a minute to rest before drawing in a deep, determined breath, and getting right back to it. You couldn’t believe it - will all this effort, you’d only managed to saw through half of it, thus far. Gally always made it look so easy...

“Having a bit of trouble there, baby?”

Your mouth immediately curled in a little grin at the deep sound of his voice. Gally’s voice. As if on cue, just when you were beginning to think about him.

The Keeper of the Builders, who you now proudly called your boyfriend, seemed to have a sixth sense for those things. To anything that had to do with you, really.

It’s been a bit over a week, since you two had made the fateful transition from close friends to something much, much more thrilling. And even though it hasn’t been that long since the change of your relationship’s nature, you could say, without question or a shadow of a doubt, that you’ve never felt happier.

The way Gally treated you on the daily, with such gentleness, care, and endless affection, made your heart bloom with delight at his mere presence. You couldn’t say you had been shocked by his manner - he’s always been kind to you, since the moment you two have met. But seeing this side of him, the loving and warm side, the one nobody else but you got to see, was a gift in itself. You believed you were immensely lucky that Gally returned your feelings and wanted you by his side, and you couldn’t wish for someone better. To you, there was no one better - simple as that.

As of this moment, you chose to bite back a cheeky remark in response to Gally’s slightly teasing question. Instead, you straightened out your posture, allowing your grin to grow as you loosened your death-grip on the saw handle and turned to face him.

“Me? Not at all! What gave you that impression?” You chirped as Gally chuckled, deeply, taking a big step closer to you. His striking bluish-green eyes peered down at your delicate features, an amused grin playing at the corners of his mouth. God, you could never get used to how attractive he was to you...

“You’re kidding, right? I could hear your grunts all the way from the Deadheads.” He glanced at the saw in your hand, trailing his gaze to the chunk of wood and your underwhelming progress, and swiftly figured out what was causing his girl such distress.

You playfully rolled your eyes at his comment “Well, not everyone is a big hunk of muscle like you, my Keeper.”

Gally tried to control the blush he instantly knew was about to paint his cheeks. ‘My Keeper’. You’ve been calling him that often since you two became a couple, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t absolutely love it. It almost always distracted him from whatever he was doing or talking about, but he didn’t mind. He definitely didn’t want you to stop.

Nonetheless, he kept his composure and cleared his throat, grinning down at you “You flatter me, baby. But you’re not wrong.”

You released a light-hearted laugh as he quickly scooted behind you. “Here, let me help.”

You felt a familiar warmth spreading through your body and circling your abdomen as Gally reached around you, his powerful torso nearly pressing against your back, his calloused hand enclosing around your smaller fingers on the handle, in order to guide your movements. Your pulse was already beginning to quicken, your face gradually getting hotter, as you struggled to ignore the effect his closeness was having on you.

“T-Thanks...”

Gally pressed a sweet peck to your cheek as he tightened his grip “Mm-hm. Now, shoulder up...” He instructed, softly, his breath slightly tickling your ear. You did as told. “Yep, just like that. Now lock your elbow. Your arm’s a little wobbly - that’s why it’s taking so much out of you.” Again, you did as he said, doing your earnest to focus on the task at hand, and not on your boyfriend’s low, breathy voice in your ear, or the heat of his strong body, or the way his arms felt around you...

“Like that?” You inquired, timidly, glancing up at his freckled face.

“Exactly. Now, drag it back and forth, and don’t squeeze the handle too hard - you’re just wasting energy that way.”

You took a deep breath and proceeded sawing through the wood, with Gally’s help, as he kept a firm grip on your hand. To your surprise and relief, it really did feel a lot easier, now that you were no longer straining your muscles in all the wrong ways, and in a matter of minutes, the sawed-off piece fell to the ground with a soundly “thump”.

You let out a victorious laugh, causing Gally to chuckle at your reaction. He thought it was entirely too cute.

“Finally! I did it!” You beamed at your boyfriend as he pried the handle out of your hand, placing the saw on the work table before interlacing his fingers with your own.

“You sure did. Next time, if you’re struggling with something, just come get me, okay? There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.” He smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

You closed your eyes, blissfully, giving him a short nod of agreement. “Fine, fine, if you insist...” You mumbled, the urge to kiss him coating your senses and pulling you closer into him. You didn’t fight it. Standing up on your tippy-toes, your linked your arms around his neck and leaned in, pressing your soft lips against his, your ears basking in Gally’s deep hum of satisfaction. His hands wasted no time gripping your waist as he kissed you deeper, his lips moving so seamlessly and tantalizingly against your own, your mind beginning to swim at the sensation.

Despite not wanting to break the kiss, the distant sounds of other gladers working and chattering forced you to stay aware of your surroundings as you reluctantly pulled away from Gally’s lips with a sweet final peck. The builder grinned, giving your waist a languid squeeze before delivering you a wink that almost made your knees buckle.

“As much as it kills me, I gotta get back to work, baby.” He feigned a sneer as you chuckled, nodding in compliance and unwinding your arms from around his neck. You stepped back, already missing his closeness and warmth.

“Same here. Meet you at dinner?”

“You’d better!” Gally smiled, genuinely, before turning on his heels and departing to his task of fixing the Med Hut’s leaky roof.

-later that day-

“Alright, boys, let’s wrap this up. We’ll get back to it first thing tomorrow.” Gally clapped a couple of his builders on their backs - his way of letting them know they had done a good job without actually having to say it. He wasn’t big on dishing out praise and compliments, unless it came to you.

“Whatever you say, boss!” Scott, one of his most capable builders, quipped as he climbed down from the roof, fist-bumping a couple of his friends while they stretched their sore muscles.

Gally huffed to himself before going to pick up his instruments, his tall form disappearing from the guys’ line of vision.

As soon as the Keeper appeared to be gone, Scott’s expression promptly melted from cool to sour, a hint of spite flashing through his eyes.

“Looks like someone’s in a hurry to get back to his girlfriend.” He deliberately over enunciated the last word, frowning, as if just the thought of it was too ridiculous to occur.

Another builder, Jack, cocked a questioning brow at his friend “Oh? Jealous much?”

Scott rolled his eyes in response “I just don’t get it! How did that even happen? Why him? She had like forty shanks to choose from, and she went for him?”

Jack had to snicker at the guy’s plain and obvious jealousy, the sight of it being thoroughly entertaining. “Hey, easy, man! Clearly she sees something we can’t. She’s made her choice - deal with it.”

“Yeah, but did she have to pick the ugliest one? I mean, honestly, if it were someone like Minho, or Ben, or hell, even Newt, I’d sort of get it, but...”

Gally scoffed, bitterly, rejecting the idea of listening to the rest of that lovely conversation. Did they really think he couldn’t hear them? He’s only been a few feet away this whole time, for shuck’s sake. His features darkened, his hands clenching into fists. He knew it was stupid to let something like that get to him - obviously it was nothing more than jealous ramblings of some dumb shank, who would most likely wet himself if he knew Gally had heard him.

Still, as much as he despised to admit it... It stung, hearing that. Mostly because, deep down, some obnoxiously self-deprecating part of him, agreed with Scott’s words.

Gally had never really given much thought to his looks. That is, until you came along. As his feelings for you grew, so did his insecurity. He knew he wasn’t conventionally “hot”. True, he was one of the tallest guys in the glade, and he assumed he had a nice body, thanks to his job as a builder, so he at least had that going for him. His face, however... Gally didn’t believe it was anything to be considered “handsome”. As opposed to you, who he thought was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

He hated this, hated feeling like he didn’t deserve you, hated knowing that you could probably do so much better than him, especially when you weren’t there to reassure him, to tell him otherwise and kiss away his every troubled thought.

Gally growled, internally, his jaw tensing and his knuckles turning white. No, he needed to snap out of it. What the hell? You wanted him. You chose him, you were with him, you were his. He couldn’t let his faith in your devotion to him crumble, just because some dumbass had opened his big resentful mouth.

With an exasperated grunt, Gally stalked off to meet you for dinner, as promised. He was sure that as soon he saw your face, he would forget all about what had just happened. He hoped gazing into your glimmering eyes would be enough to hush every last unwelcome thought. Yet, as hopeful as he was for that, the tension in his broad shoulders remained, as if something heavy was weighing down on him, with very little he could do about it.

-later-

Something deep within you was telling you something wasn’t right. You felt a nagging sting of worry pinching at your heart as you made your way back to Gally’s hut, that you and him now shared.

You couldn’t help but sense that Gally had seemed a bit... off, all throughout dinner. The soft smiles he’d sent your way didn’t reach his eyes. His usually bright bluish-green eyes had been tinged with an underlying bleakness, and you had no clue where it was coming from. You’d tried to ask him about it, but the only response you got was a mumbled “It’s nothing” and a hurried kiss on your cheek.

You didn’t like it. You knew Gally so well by now - you could tell when something was bothering him. You cared about him, deeply, and so, seeing him so obviously anxious about something and not telling you what it was, put you in a bothered state as well.

Whatever it was, you needed to get it out of him. Gally was your boyfriend, and a pretty amazing one at that. If there was anything at all that you could do to help him deal with what was plaguing mind, you would do it, over and over again, if you had to.

You pushed the door open and entered the hut, a loving smile curling your lips as your eyes fell upon Gally. The builder was sitting on the bed, busily scribbling something in his journal, his knit brows and slightly clenched jaw painting his face with a look of pure concentration. Probably sketching in some alterations for the Med Hut expansion. You released a muted giggle, thinking his expression was entirely cute.

Gally immediately looked up at the sound that escaped you, his smile reflecting your own, his deeply focused gaze softening the second it landed on you “Almost bed time, huh?”

“Yes, indeed.” You delivered a little grin as you shut the door behind you and approached him, your delicate hands landing on his shoulders with a pleasant squeeze “And you’re still not done working?” You eyed the journal in Gally’s hands.

He responded with a scratchy chuckle “Perks of being a keeper, baby - I’m never done.” He feigned a deep sigh that made you giggle once more, but nonetheless, placed the journal aside, wanting to give you his full attention.

The only instances where you two got to be truly alone with one another were early in the morning and right before bed, so Gally cherished these moments with you. He would spend every second of every day alone with you if he could, but for the time being, he’d take what ever little scraps of time he could get.

“Well, I’m here now, so... Maybe you’re done, after all?” You smiled, your hands kneading his shoulders in a relaxing manner, feeling his firm muscles slowly release built-up tension under your touch.

Gally grunted, deep in his throat, as his own hands took a hold of your waist, pulling you closer in a not-so subtle motion.

“I sure as hell am, now...” The deep, slightly raspy tone of his voice made you weak in ways you hadn’t imagined before, but you were far from complaining.

With a playful smirk, Gally suddenly fell back on the bed, and you yelped in surprise as with one simple, yet effective tug, he brought you down with, causing you to topple onto him.

“Gally!” You attempted to scold, lightly slapping his chest, but the laughter bubbling from within you, as well as the rising pink hue to your cheeks, let him know how you truly felt about it.

“Aww! Sorry, is this too much?” He asked, almost rhetorically, a cheeky glint dancing in his eyes.

The blush adorning your cheeks only grew as you gazed down at him in pure fascination. Sometimes you still couldn’t believe Gally was yours, that you got to see the side of him everyone else was blind to. You shook your head, leaning down to plant an amorous kiss on his plump lips, as he took no time melting into it with a low-pitched hum. His large hands, warm and eager, gripped your waist tighter as he shifted you both up the bed, until the back of his head almost knocked against the makeshift wooden frame. You whimpered, softly, against his mouth before breaking the kiss. You witnessed, with a tinge on satisfaction, that his freckle-littered cheeks were now even redder than your own, his breath escaping through his parted lips as he stared at you like you were something out of this world.

Gally felt like he could never get enough of you. Your closeness had his heart nearly beating out of his chest, and the intoxicating sensation of your lips on his sent him reeling with more need than he knew what to do with. However, as he gazed at you, taking in every detail of your breathtaking features, his mind involuntarily called back to his inner turmoil, a couple hours prior. The spark in his eyes dulled, the corner of his lips twitching with a barely-noticeable frown as he was pulled back into that loathsome state of self-doubt he’d tried so hard to fight against.

The rapid change in his expression, as minimal as it was, did not evade your notice. In a blink of an eye, your dream-like state morphed to concern as you reached up a hand to cup his warm cheek “Hey... Gally, what’s wrong?”

He huffed a light puff of air, tilting his head to nuzzle his face into your cupped hand, the small gesture nearly making you swoon.

“It’s nothing. Stupid. Don’t worry about it, baby.” Gally mumbled, the response identical to the one you’d received at dinner.

Well, that wasn’t going to be good enough this time. You frowned in sympathy “Yeah, that’s what you said earlier, too. I didn’t believe it then, and I don’t believe it now.”

Gally relinquished a hushed groan, evidently reluctant to share what was on his mind, but all you wanted was for him to know that there was nothing in the world he couldn’t talk to you about. You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the exasperated crease on his forehead, momentarily feeling it smoothen out under your lips.

“Come on... please? I can’t go to sleep if I know something’s bothering you.”

Gally sighed, deeply, his intent gaze meeting your own, and once again you were met with the somber pool of dejection that you had been so quick to spot.

To say he was hesitant to discuss it would be an understatement, but the plea in your gaze and soft voice was impossible for him to ignore. There probably wasn’t a single thing you couldn’t get out of him.

With a defeated grunt, Gally reached a hand up to carefully thread his calloused fingers through your silky hair, his voice dipping an octave lower as he finally spoke “Sometimes it just doesn’t feel like I’m good enough for you, Y/N.”

Your breath hitched at the mere sound of those words leaving his mouth. You felt a ferocious urge to stop him right then and there, yet... you didn’t. No, you couldn’t interrupt. You asked for this, for his honesty, so now he was giving you exactly that. You had to let him finish.

“I mean... You could’ve had anyone. Absolutely shuckin’ anyone, but for a reason I still don’t fully understand, you’ve picked me.” Gally bit the inside of his cheek, his rough fingertips turning cold as he let the words fall from his mouth. “I know what people are thinking. ‘What the hell is an amazing, sweet, funny, beautiful girl like you, doing with one of the ugliest shanks here?’. And you know what? I hate it, but they’re not wrong.”

Every sentence shot an icy pain through your heart as you had to bite your bottom lip to physically restrain yourself from shutting him up. You couldn’t stand that Gally was so critical of himself, especially when you saw him as the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

“And please don’t take this the wrong way - I’m not doubting your... feelings for me, and I’m so lucky that they’re even there, it’s just...” He trailed off, briefly, wanting to choose his next words carefully. “It’s a bit of a struggle to understand. Because you deserve the best, and I’m... well, hardly that.”

A short pause. Finally, it sounded like he was finished, and now it was your time to let him know precisely how you felt about all of it.

With a preparatory intake of air, you cupped his face in both hands, making him look nowhere else but at you, your eyes shining with determined empathy. “Gally... I chose you, because it’s always been you. Forty shanks here, and not one of them ever made me feel even a fraction of what you make me feel. I can’t explain why, because it’s not something that has an explanation - I don’t have an alphabetised list of reasons why I fell for you! I just... did. Because of who you are - that’s everything about you. And I don’t know who you’re calling ‘ugly’, because it sure as hell isn’t my boyfriend.” You paused, watching his eyes as he stared at you, mesmerized, without blinking, his mouth falling slightly agape as you could practically hear his heartbeat drumming in his chest. “So... Yeah, I can confidently say, without question, that I’m pretty happy with what I chose.”

After a few seconds of wired silence, Gally finally broke out of his entranced stupor, his voice nearly quivering as he traced a finger down the soft curve of your jaw.

“And what is it, that you chose?”

His touch made the loving warmth within you spread like wildfire, soothing your throbbing heart and coaxing a delicate grin to etch your lips “The best.”

At that, Gally released a short, incredulous huff, but couldn’t find it in himself to question it any further. You were truly a gift to him, a gift he had no idea what he’d done to deserve. In that moment, all the worries he’d had were effectively silenced, pushed away into the farthest, deepest crevices of his mind, not to be heard from again in a long time, if ever. Not a minute more would be wasted caring about anyone else’s opinion on your relationship with him. The only one that mattered was yours, and that’s the one he would hold into, for as long as you’d allow it. For as long as you’d want him.

Gally’s muscular arms wrapped around your frame, pulling you into him, tightly and protectively, as he buried his face in your hair, trying to get you as close as humanly possible, and still feeling like it wasn’t enough.

You responded by nuzzling into the warm crook of his neck, your lips pressing the gentlest of kisses to his sun-kissed skin, the heat of his strong chest soaking into you and shrouding you in an impenetrable sense of comfort and love. His love. The type nothing else could compare to or dare to challenge.

“You know, the day you change your mind will definitely be the most devastating of my life...” Gally whispered, almost inaudibly, the consuming safety of his embrace clouding your senses.

All you could do was breathe a soft chuckle, holding onto him tighter as your lips murmured against his neck “I guess it’s a good thing that day isn’t coming.”

Because in your mind, with all the uncertainties and uneasiness that surrounded the glade, that was the one thing you didn’t have a single doubt about. It was him. Gally. And there was no one better.

Thank you for reading!

Tags: @seldomabsent @obsessivelycapricious @ultraintrovertedgryffindor @maraudersimp @lattsgocaps @magnoliabloomfield @sherbertscarrothead-2 @the-marvel-meme-emporium @abundantxadorations @izzymultifan @willseyebrows @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours- 8

Word Count: 5,574

Story Summary: Follows Dean x Reader throughout season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: Lies come crashing down on you and Dean which results in Kevin's death after discovering that the angel possessing Sam is not who he said he was

Warnings: Cursing, fights, character death, mention of sex

You were still half asleep with your bare leg draped across Dean as his fingers traced patterns on your skin. “I’m worried about Sammy,Y/N”  You kissed his chest right over his tattoo “I know. I am too but what can we do here? Ezekiel says he’s not healed enough to eject him and after what happened with Vesta saying he’s practically dead inside I’m sort of leaning towards the fact that he’s telling the truth on that part” A ghost of a smirk graced his face before he said “Think Jody’s forgave us for missing out on that fight?” you buried your face into his shoulder at the reminder that the two of you had in fact gotten kidnapped by a goddess because Dean had been eager to make sure the two of you got to take each other’s reclaimed “virginity” as soon as possible.

“I think I’d be a little pissed at the fact that I got stabbed because two of my friends and fellow hunters couldn’t resist the urge to have sex in the impala two blocks from the hotel instead of waiting until they got alone” he chuckled then reached down to pull you closer to him for a kiss. “These last few weeks have been good though haven’t they?” You smiled “Yeah they have” since that first night you had started sleeping in Dean’s room because you quickly found out that you both slept better curled up to the other. You could hear someone walking in the hall and strained your ears for a moment “There comes Sam, think it’s a case?”  He shrugged letting his fingers slip under the shirt you had on and you slapped at his hand as Sam knocked on the door “Got a case! Meet me in the library!” Dean smirked at you as Sam walked away “He didn’t say when to meet him” you rolled your eyes and untangled yourself from your boyfriend “I’m fairly certain he didn’t mean have sex then come meet me” he watched you from the bed as you slipped a pair of his sleep pants on under the shirt you slept in then tilted your head towards the door “If we hurry we might have time to grab a shower before we hit the road” That made him get out of the bed a lot faster than he normally would. He grabbed a shirt on the way then grabbed your hand “Let’s go see what he’s got”

------

You were laid back across baby’s backseat as Dean drove towards Fort Collins. The case seemed to be along the angelic line so you were headed to check it out. You weren’t paying too much attention to their conversation as you were attempting to go to sleep until you realized  Sam’s posture had changed and knew that meant Ezekiel was the one talking to Dean. You cut your eyes at Dean as you sat up and caught the fact that he had apparently called Ezekiel out. “So, he’s better?” you looked over at Ezekiel who met your eyes first then slowly nodded to Dean “Yes, Sam is much improved. It shouldn’t be much longer now” “No offense but you told us the same thing last week” you added and Dean nodded in agreement. 

“As I told you both when we met, this will take time” Dean scoffed at that “Well then go, heal. We’d like Sam back now” Ezekiel looked at Dean for a moment then looked at you “I must say Dean, Y/N..I’m very uncomfortable with this whole trip. Investigating crimes involving angels or anything involving angels  puts me and therefore puts Sam at risk” “It’s what we do” you replied and Dean added “Family business Zeke.If we ignored this Sam will think something fishy’s going on”

“Then I trust you will both be discreet” Ezekiel said than a thought occurred to you that must have struck Dean at the same time because he said “Wait, if you know where we’re going that means you’ve been listening in. Are you hearing everything between us and Sam?” you were curious as well but Ezekiel said “No, just a word here and there. I have better things to do with my time than eavesdrop like heal Sam” Dean started to speak “Ok, cause here’s the thing” but since he was looking at the road he missed the change in Sam so you bumped his shoulder to quickly cut him off as Sam picked up the conversation he’d dropped when Ezekiel had taken the wheel “I mean I was gonna say, it seems like it’s getting really quiet out there. Not a peep from the angels, even Buddy Boyle goes off the air and stops recruiting for them” “Obviously a calm before the storm” Dean reasoned and you had to admire the fact that neither of you had gotten whiplash from the change between Sam and Ezekiel and how sudden it was at times.

“Yeah, maybe” Sam replied then glanced out the window. “What’s wrong?” you asked at the expression on his face and he looked a bit surprised to see you sitting up but he explained “That sign said Fort Collins fifty miles, last time I looked like twelve seconds ago it said Fort Collins one hundred miles” “You know Dean’s driving” you teased with a tense smile. Dean shook his head “Since that goddess got her hooks in you..” but Sam cut him off “It’s more than Vesta. I mean, this kind of thing has been happening to me. Like there are chunks of time just missing, like there are times I’m not here” It hurt your heart to hear the distress in Sam’s voice and not be able to comfort him. Dean spoke up “Like I’ve said” 

“Yes the trials,I know I heard you and Y/N last week when you said it and the week before that and the week before that” You leaned up between them and offered “Maybe because damn straight you have reason to be wiped after the trials Sam! They whacked you. You’re not up to warp speed yet but you will be and until you are you have me and Dean to watch your back” He nodded and didn’t look too convinced on yours or Dean's theories but still joked “Unless you get kidnapped by another goddess for shacking up?” you rolled your eyes playfully and said “For that I’m going to sleep” then laid back.

------

The bar where the crime scene was had cops covering nearly every inch. You climbed out of baby and followed Sam across the parking lot. Dean stopped on the steps leading up to the wooden porch and flashed his badge so you and Sam followed suit. The deputy at the door looked over all three of your badges and nodded “One of your guys is already here” another hunter maybe? Dean looked from you to Sam as you walked inside the door but you were just as clueless as they were.

You spotted Cas about the same time he spotted you and told the cop he was currently talking to “There’s my colleagues” The cop walked off so he could catch the three of you up. You shared a smile with Sam when he patted Cas’ shoulder “Agent” “Agents” Cas replied with a little smile. Dean on the other hand looked less than thrilled and while you were happy to see Cas you remembered just how many reasons there were for it being a bad idea that Cas worked this particular scene. “Cas, what the hell are you doing here?” Dean asked and Cas shrugged “I still have the badge that you gave me” Dean nodded “Yeah uh but what the hell are you doing?” Cas’ face fell slightly “The murders were all over the news. I thought I might be of help” Sam cut in by saying “But Cas you know this is an angel situation right? I mean you left that night because the angels were on your ass” Dean’s eyes widened at Sam’s words and you gave him a look silently begging him to steer the conversation a different way so he spoke up “Yeah, and you were living the life, you know? Early retirement, working your way up the gas n sip ladder” at least it got the conversation off things that could trigger Sam figuring out he was missing out on even more time than he realized. Cas glanced towards you as he said “If angels are slaughtering one another, I have to do what I can to help. This is a risk we should be willing to take. Don’t you think?”

Sam smirked slightly and you couldn’t help but grin when Cas said “Hey, Cas is back in town” and Dean shook his head “Seriously did you, did he just say that?” and looked towards you. You shrugged “Leave him be, he wants to help” Cas smiled then opened the file in his hand that held photos of the bodies “These angels were butchered, much more violence than required” Sam took the photos from him so you stepped back next to Sam so you could look at the photos as well. They were pretty gorey.  “Dean it definitely took more than one or two killing to pull this off” you held out one of the photos and he nodded then suggested “Hit squad? Bartholomew’s people?” 

Sam shrugged one shoulder “Well Bartholomew is a faction we know about but this could be somebody else entirely. Someone we don’t know” “Well whoever it is, we’ll find them” Cas confidently said patting all three of your shoulders in turn. Cas walked off and Dean sighed “We’ll find them. That’s great” the moment you looked from Dean to Sam you spotted his posture change as his eyes glowed slightly “Zeke? I thought you didn’t want public appearances?” you whispered and he looked past your shoulder to where Cas stood talking to a deputy “This is a big risk Y/N” Dean stepped closer to you and it shocked you slightly to realize it was a protective stance. Was he worried Ezekiel would hurt you? “We know, now give Sam the driver’s seat back” He nodded and his eyes glowed then the change in posture told you Sam was back.

You shot a look at Dean trying to ask why he was acting weird but he just shook his head “Let’s grab Cas and go get a beer or something. Talk this case over” “Sounds good to me” Sam replied with a smile.

------

All of you were still in your fed suit at a bar a bit further into the nearest town. You sat between Dean and Sam nursing a beer and could feel the tension rolling off of Dean. Why was Ezekiel being weird around Cas? Hell Cas vouched for him. 

“It is so good being together again” Cas said with a smile that softened your mood just seeing it. He was a little tipsy and you could tell when he tilted his beer “You know, this is my first beer as a human” then he looked around the table as a thought occurred to him “I hope it’s ok, me joining all of you” “Of course it is” you assured him with a smile. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Sam added. Dean looked towards Sam then said “Cas are you sure you’re ready to jump back into all this? I mean it seemed to me like you’d actually found some peace” Cas nodded while Dean was talking then said “You once told me that you don’t choose what you do. It chooses you” you bit your lip to hide a smirk at Dean’s confusion. “I’m a part of this, like it or not” Cas added and clinked his beer against Dean’s. 

Sam nodded clearly amused then said “Well in that case,we have to figure out who we are up against, what do they want and how to stop them” “Well Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron’s spell. Presumably to retake heaven once his following is large enough. That’s according to April” “The reaper you banged?” you asked. Cas nodded “And Dean stabbed” 

Dean nodded “She was hot” so you kicked him under the table which made him add “Not as hot as you Y/N” “You are much lovelier than her” Cas added so you smiled at him “Thank you” Sam laughed “I’m gonna get us another round” Cas stood up first “Naw, I’ll get it”

You watched him stumble off the stool and laughed when Dean scoffed “One beer and he’s hammered” You didn’t clock Sam’s posture changing but when Dean said “Oh boy” you glanced up and knew with one look Sam wasn’t driving. “Well, what are you two going to do about this?” “About Cas?” you questioned and Ezekiel replied “He is a beacon Y/N, pulling every angel from miles down on our heads” You leaned a bit closer to Dean without meaning to as he said “You know what Zeke, level with us. What is it that you’re so afraid of?” his hand reached out to touch your knee and you calmed a bit at the touch. Ezekiel was starting to worry you with his actions more and more, you knew Dean could pick up on that as well.

“I told you both. When I chose to answer Dean’s prayer and heal Sam, I chose sides. That means I’m not in good standing with certain angels” “Well neither is Cas” you bit back and felt Dean’s grip tighten on your knee as he agreed with you “And Cas is here with his ass on the line, fighting the fight. So tell me what makes you so special?” 

Before Ezekiel could answer Cas walked back over “Here we go, four brewskies” “I’m going to get something out of the car” Ezekiel announced. You watched him walk off then looked over at Dean placing your hand over his. You weren’t sure what was coming but something told you it wouldn’t be anything good.

You were being quiet trying to still your mind until Cas cleared his throat “Dean, I um noticed you look kind of uncomfortable when Sam mentions my leaving. If Y/N knows you told me to leave, why doesn’t he?”  you looked between the two of them because you honestly had no response. Dean sighed “Look, here’s the deal when Sam was doing the trials to seal up hell, It messed him up ok? The third one nearly killed him. If I’d let him finish it would have, he’s still messed up bad” Cas looked a bit confused “You said the angel Ezekiel helped heal him” 

You squeezed Dean’s hand that was still on your knee before he said “Look, I got to do anything I can to get him back. Now if that means we keep our distance from you for a little while then I don’t have a choice” You added “You have to know he doesn’t feel good about that choice Cas, neither do I but” “It’s great to have your help Cas but we just can’t work together” Dean finished and you felt your heart drop at how broken Cas looked again. He’d lost the angels that were his family and now you and Dean were turning your backs on him. 

------

“Dean, how long are we supposed to trust Ezekiel? I mean I see how you act every time he comes out. You don’t trust him”  Sam was in the map room last you’d seen him so you cornered Dean in the kitchen both of you whispering so none of the other habitants of the bunker would overhear. “I don’t know Y/N but we can’t risk him leaving and it killing Sam” you nodded and took a deep breath before giving voice to your next thought “What if he’s lying and using Sam and this bunker as a place to hide? I mean if Cas trusted him enough to say we should work with him why doesn’t he want Cas around?” Dean started to talk but was cut off by Sam calling both of your names.

He’d been doing some digging on the bikers that had been slaughtered. Turned out all the vics had been baptized together. A born again biker game and when Sam showed both of you the group photo of the bikers Dean spotted a patch on one of their jackets that read B.B. and underneath it spelled out was Boyle’s boys. “As in Buddy Boyle?” you asked. Sam clicked on another screen “Get this according to this guy’s wife he’d always been a religious man but a week before his death he’d come home from a bible meeting a changed man. Filled with divine glory” “So Boyle’s back at it? Just in smaller groups?” you questioned and Dean nodded “Smaller groups he makes sure it’s the angels Bartholomew wants getting in” “Well you always have said angels are dicks” you groaned at the thought of more innocent people getting slaughtered for Metatron’s actions.

------

With no other place to turn you and Dean decided to rope Kevin into hitting the lore again. Maybe just maybe Crowley had indeed lied.

Dean was on his laptop and you had four different books spread out in front of you while Kevin poured over the angel tablet. “There may be nothing in here. Crowley said the spell that cast down the angels was irreversible” “Since when do we believe that dick?” you replied not glancing up. You didn’t want to mention to Dean that Sam had left a while ago and had yet to return.

Kevin found one spot in the tablet and said it was nearly indecipherable as if when Metatron wrote it down he wanted it hidden from everyone,prophets included. There was another angel kill in Utah and had a connection to the last killing. “Rival angel gangs. Christ Kev, clock’s ticking honey”

------

You had just gotten through making Kevin lunch and he was headed back to the library when Dean walked into the kitchen “Sweetheart have you seen Sam?” you started to shake your head no but Kevin answered “He went out” “Where?” Dean questioned glancing back at you so you shrugged.

“I don’t know either. But have you two noticed he’s doing that a lot recently?��� you had in fact noticed it and hoped you were wrong but something told you Ezekiel had grown tired of riding along and wanted to drive full time.”Yeah” Dean replied looking at you. That was enough to tell you he was thinking along the same line as you were. Dean’s phone started ringing so Kevin walked out the kitchen while Dean answered the call.

You glanced at him curiously and he mouthed “Cas” so you stopped cleaning to pay attention. “How do you know that?” then after a moment he asked “How?” You could feel your stomach knotting more and more with every moment “Where is he?” you whispered and he shrugged. “Wait you’re back? You got your mojo?” “He got his grace?” you whispered and Dean nodded then listened to what Cas was saying.

“What?...Yeah..Why?” Dean met your eyes when he said “What?” as soon as he hung up with Cas he grabbed your arm and nearly drug you behind him to the library “What’s going on Dean?” you asked but he shook his head knocking a chair out of your path as he stopped next to Kevin “I need a spell asap” Kevin sighed “Everyone always needs a spell and it’s always asap” you were clueless as to what was going on so you remained silent as Dean spoke “Look, an angel can’t be expelled by another human right? What if there was a way to power down the angel so that it wasn’t in charge for a few seconds?” “What?” you and Kevin both asked.

“Hypothetically if I wanted to speak with the vessel but not have the squatter listen in” you figured out that whatever Cas had to say wasn’t anything good. “Why?” Kevin pushed so you offered “If we have a way to power down angels we can save a lot of lives”  “Find the spell now?” Kevin asked and Dean grabbed your arm again “Yesterday Kevin” then pulled you behind him down the hall.

------

You snatched away from him as soon as you were certain Kevin wouldn’t overhear “Ok baby you’re scaring me. What is going on?” he took a deep breath then said “Whoever is inside of Sam is not Ezekiel. He died in the fall” you ran your hand across your face forcing yourself to take a few deep breaths “What do we do?” “Hope Kevin finds a spell and hope it works”

“And if it doesn’t?” you asked knowing the answer even before Dean said “We may lose Sam”

------

It didn’t take Kevin long to find the sigils that were supposed to hobble an angel long enough to give the vessel control so him and Dean painted it on the wall in the store room while you stood near the entrance trying to keep an eye out for Sam. You could hear Kevin asking Dean what was really going on so you walked towards the sound of their voices “Just trust us Kev, ok?” you said and he looked between you and Dean then slowly nodded “I always trust you two and I always end up screwed” “Not always” you added with a slight smile.

Dean bumped your arm when he heard Sam come in from the garage entrance. You followed him into the kitchen where Sam was putting stuff away in the fridge “Where you been?” Dean asked so Sam turned with a half smile “Beer run” “That was a long beer run” you added as you followed Dean into the room noticing how he was placing himself between you and Sam. If he was that worried it spoke volumes.

“Can we talk?” Dean asked him so he nodded and shoved everything into the fridge “Yeah, sure”

------

Dean led the way to the storage room. He let Sam walk inside but kept you within arm’s reach. “This sounds serious,” Sam said and you saw when Dean sliced his palm and touched the sigil on the door. Sam turned at the sound of the sigil powering up “What’s going on?”

“We need to tell you some stuff fast” Dean said and you added “It’s gonna really piss you off” “Ok” Sam hesitantly responded. Dean unconsciously pushed you behind him as he spoke “Those trials really messed you up” “Yes I know that..” Sam started but Dean but him off “No. You don’t. I mean messed you up like almost dead. No more birthdays, dust to dust. So that messed me up and it messed Y/N up. So I made a move. A tough move about you without talking it over because you were in a coma” Sam looked from you to Dean “What? When?”

“You were in the hospital Sam. Dean called me when they said you weren’t going to make it” “What did you two do?” he asked. “I let an angel in” Dean answered. “In what?” Sam asked and you answered that time “In you”

“He said he could heal you and he is” you added quickly. You saw tears in Sam’s eyes when he asked “He’s still in me?” Dean nodded then Sam shook his head “That’s impossible. I never invited him in” “I tricked you into saying yes. It seemed like the only way” Dean clarified.

Sam took a shuddering breath “So,again. You thought I couldn’t handle something so you took over and got my best friend to lie to me too!” “He did what he had to do Sam” you weren’t trying to side with either of them but you also knew time was running short. “You never would’ve agreed to it and you would’ve died!” Dean added.

The argument continued between the two of them until you looked at Dean “Enough. Tell him the biggest problem” “Biggest problem?” Sam questioned so Dean nodded “The angel lied to us.He said his name was Ezekiel. Cool guy, according to Cas but it’s not Ezekiel” “Then who is he?” Sam asked and you shook your head “We don’t know”

“Ezekiel is dead and whoever this guy is can end you in a heartbeat so you have to dump him” Dean spoke and you could feel your hands shake slightly. Sam turned to walk past you both so Dean tried to stop him but when he got to the door he swung on Dean and the punch landed solidly knocking Dean out. “Sam!” you screamed and he shook his head at you “Check on him. Don’t follow me”

You went to your knees at Dean’s side “C’mon Dean, wake up god dammit” you shook him roughly and he groaned “Where’d he go?” as you helped him to his feet and explained what Sam had told you.

------

The two of you made it into the map room in enough time to see Ezekiel smite Kevin. “NO!” you screamed and felt Dean’s arm slide around your waist about the time Ezekiel or whoever he was threw the two of you back into a beam holding you there with his powers. Dean was taking the worst of it and using his own body to block yours. 

“Sam?” you both called hoping but that hope was crushed when he said “There is no more Sam” You could feel a weight on your chest from the force of the angel’s powers and knew it was worse on Dean. “But I played him convincingly, I thought” The angel taunted.

You and Dean were both struggling to breathe but Dean managed to ask “How did you” the angel explained he heard the two of you talking with Kevin and had altered the sigil.

You watched helplessly while the angel wearing your best friend’s face packed the angel tablet into a backpack then said “Sorry about Kevin but ultimately it’s for the best.. I did what I had to” He laid a piece of paper with Kevin’s name on his chest then stood and walked out.

The moment his powers released you and Dean you crumpled to the floor but he caught you before you hit hard. You gasped for breath, clinging to Dean’s shirt. You slowly looked at Kevin and felt your heart rip into pieces. He was gone, his eyes burnt from the inside out. “Kevin?” Dean spoke softly, tears falling down his face as you cried into his chest.

------

Minutes passed as the two of you sat with the severity of the situation sinking deeper and deeper. In the span of moments you’d lost Kevin forever and if you couldn’t find some way to get the angel out of Sam there was a high chance of losing him as well.

“We can’t leave him laying there Y/N” Dean spoke slowly getting to his feet and pulling you with him. You slowly sniffling as you said “I’ll get some cloth, then I’ll help you gather the wood” You started to walk off but Dean grabbed your hand “Baby, I did this” you shook your head and squeezed his hand “No you didn’t” then pulled your hand away to go gather the cloth you’d need to wrap Kevin’s body in.

-------

When you walked back into the library Dean was kneeled next to Kevin and held up the sheet of paper the angel had left on his chest “This was a hit. Someone got him to kill the kid” you knew Dean well enough to know that when faced with any intense emotion most of the time he wrapped himself so deep in anger and self hatred no one could get through. You took the paper out of his hand and slipped it into the pocket of your jeans “We’ll find whoever caused this” he nodded then stood up “I’m gonna go get started on the pyre” he kissed your forehead then walked out. You took a deep breath then laid the cloths down on the floor as everything hit you again.

Kevin was a kid, hell he should’ve been enjoying college at his age not laying dead on the floor of a hidden bunker wrapped into the world he’d been dragged into.  Sam, god Sam was locked inside his own head caused by the two people he trusted most in the world.

You started the process of wrapping Kevin’s body, your hands moving more on muscle memory than your own will. You’d done this one too many times. Whether friends, colleagues or family as with Lena. This life was a cruel one. 

------

You’d just finished when Dean walked back in behind you. “I got him” he easily lifted Kevin up so you followed behind him soundlessly.

The two of you walked into the woods just beyond the bunker where there was a clearing. In the middle of the clearing Dean had built a suitable funeral pyre and gently laid Kevin’s lifeless form onto it. He didn’t say a word as he lit the pyre then stepped over next to you. As the flames flickered to life you felt a chill that had nothing to do with the coolness of the night.

Dean pulled you into his side as you both watched the flames claim yet another person that you had called as family.

------

The walk back to the bunker you could tell from how Dean was holding himself that he was barely holding it together. You didn’t try to reach out to him but when he reached out for your hand you slid it into his.

You followed him into the bunker which suddenly felt so much colder than it ever had then followed him into the library. He stopped and picked up Kevin’s phone off the table and you looked to see a photo of Kevin and Ms Tran as the background. 

The sudden movement of Dean throwing the phone made you flinch. You stepped back watching while he finally broke, shoving all of Kevin’s note and the lore books into the floor then he threw the lamp across the room and finally bounced a chair off the same beam you and him had been held against. You were silent while he let it out then when he looked at you different emotions played across his face before he finally said “Y/N, you need to leave too”

“What?” you gasped and he motioned around “I got the kid killed, Sam’s been hijacked and we may not get him back. If..if something happened to you because of me? I can’t even think about that”  You knew he pushed people away, it’s what he’d always done even to Sam at times so you shook your head “Dean I agreed to let Ezekiel or whoever possess Sam too or are you forgetting that? I’m in this dammit and I’m not leaving. I care too much about you and about Sam to walk away now. I’m not Dean like it or not I’m not leaving you” you could see the muscle in his jaw clench as you spoke then he said “Why? I’m poison”

“No, you’re not. We will get Sam back somehow” you stated letting every bit of anger you felt towards whoever was behind Kevin’s death and this angel hijacking Sam seep into the stubbornness in your voice. “What do you suggest we do then cause sweetheart I don’t know how to fix this” he waved his hand around as he spoke but you remained calm “Can we fix Kevin being killed? No. Can we get Sam back and evict that angelic asshole that’s inside of him? Yes. We call Cas, we gear up and we get on that son of a bitch’s trail”

“I’ll call Cas” he finally sighed and you nodded “I’m going to clean this up” and moved to pick up the books off the floor. He reached to help you but you shook your head “It’s ok Dean, I need to keep my hands busy and we can’t leave until Cas gets here so you go make the call” “I still don’t understand why you’re not heading for the hills but I’m glad you’re not” he confessed pressing a kiss to your cheek before walking out of the room.

Tags: @facadeformyrealblog @akshi8278

[wallwriterstuff]

A Stitch In Time || Alec and Jane and Reader||

Warnings: Mentions of poverty but mostly this is fluff

Word Count: 6429

Summary:  Alec and Jane are...going to school? As if that wasn’t bad enough, they’re constantly pestered by one irritating little human who clearly has no concept of self-preservation. Spending a winter in Forks was not how they had planned the end of their year to go, but winter traditions have changed since they were human, and they find the new ones aren’t all that bad.

It was well known that you didn’t anger the witch twins unless you wanted to die. First, there was Jane, whose temper was as quick to flare as though it were a match being struck. Alec was, in comparison, far calmer in outward appearance while he mentally plotted twenty steps ahead as to how best to exact his revenge for the displeasure caused to him. In both cases the victims of their anger met ruthless ends; it was merely dependent on which witch twin they had pissed off as to how swiftly the end came. With that in mind, one has to question what on Earth Felix and Demetri were thinking when they started sending the twins to school.

When Carlisle had entreated the Volturi to aid them in reclaiming their territory, Aro had agreed without a second thought to “aid an old friend”, as he had put it. None of the guard had any qualms about helping the coven (they had done them no wrong after all even if their way of life was rather strange) but they hadn’t expected it to be such an arduous process. The nomads who had taken over the Olympic Peninsula travelled in the usual small group but Demetri just couldn’t track them. He had caught the tenors yes, but the trail they left just…looped around. Somebody was clearly messing with his gift and enjoying watching him run about in circles, and it was taking a considerable toll on the tracker to try and figure out where the group was at any given time.

They had stayed at the Cullen’s house for the most part, Carlisle and Esme sending them the keys and alarm codes before they had arrived, and once the place was scoped out and found to be clean they had moved in post haste. The place was lavish, large, modern, and it allowed them to live in seclusion and comfort. It became their base of operations as they tried to track down these nomads. They were vicious and killing in droves, drawing attention to themselves and threatening the Cullen’s openly. Demetri was grateful for the encounter that Rosalie had had or else he would have had very little hope of finding a tenor to follow.

Then the Chief of Police had come past.

It was an unusual pattern, not at all a regular patrol route since it took him so far off of the main path, but fate had determined he was going to come their way and spot Alec and Jane just as they were headed back into the house after an afternoon walk. They had ran at a human pace, warning the others as they went, and by the time Police Chief Swan rang the doorbell they all had contacts in and was prepared to greet their unexpected guest. After a lot of explaining they had managed to convince him that they had rented the property while they worked abroad for a short period. Volturi Ltd. Was a legitimate company he could look up after all and the Secretaries were trained in how to handle inquiries into the company from the outside world. The only problem then was Alec and Jane. Despite being a thousand years of age, the twins still looked to be physically 14 at the most. Any self-respecting people would be sending their 14 year olds to school wouldn’t they?

Well, what else could they do at that point?

“Sister.” Alec placed a hand on her shoulder but couldn’t help the way his lips quirked upward in amusement. Her glare was fixated on a boy of small stature, with an ego twice his size. She wasn’t quite using her gift on him yet, but the boy had twitched a bit and was showing obvious signs of distress. Jane broke her gaze, turning to look at Alec with an expression that screamed of displeasure.

“I dislike him immensely.” She deadpanned.

“So I can see.” Alec murmured. They kept their voices so low nobody would hear them, and the teacher was so busy praising the know-it-all bully Jane had had her eye on he doubted she would see he was clearly not playing attention.

“I do not know how much more of this I can take. Ugh, look, Y/N is writing you another note, insufferable little-“

“Alec? Pssst.” your voice was so loud in comparison to theirs. He tried not to sigh, though he found your consistent need to bother them somewhat amusing when he was in better moods. Lucky for you, this moment was one of them. He let you whisper for him once more before he turned, raising an eyebrow at you. You stared ahead robotically, so obviously up to no good it made him wonder how anyone could ever think you innocent in that moment, and slid a piece of paper across the tabletop to him. Alec opened it up with a slight sigh.

Want to play tic-tac-toe with me?

He tilted his head slightly.

“What’s that?” he whispered. Your jaw dropped slightly and you hurriedly took the paper back from him, drawing out a 3x3 grid and drawing a circle on it.

“Noughts and crosses?” you murmured hopefully, wondering if he knew it by another name. Alec stared at the strange design with a furrowed brow.

“I’ve never heard of it.” He said finally, glancing back up towards the front of the room as the teacher asked for contributions to the discussion. You were absolutely screwed. You were still looking at the side of his head.

“I’m sure you know Y/N since you’re so keen to tell Alec all about it. Would you share with the rest of the class?” she asked, her eyebrows raised and expression screaming ‘I caught you’ despite her friendly tone. Alec stifled a laugh, enjoying your obvious discomfort as you stuttered for a response. Jane smothered a smile with her hand, a very human action she had picked up from you but didn’t realise. This was how they spent the majority of their days since they’d started school three weeks ago; lessons were boring and covered topics they already knew, and the children were cruel. Cruelty was nothing new to either of the twins but there had been some small part of them that had hoped that perhaps it would be different this time, that perhaps they were too different now they knew how to blend in better.

Of course, vampire teenagers in an otherwise human class was not going to be as discrete as they liked but there was just something about the twins sharp tongues and apathetic expressions that was not inviting enough for the other children to even pretend to be friendly – that and they were all teenagers in a small town who had grown up in their cliques since birth. Only you had bothered to welcome them with any sort of warm regard, and it was both tiresome and heat warming that at least one of the wretched little humans had tried. By the time they trudged into the cafeteria to sit with a tray of food they wouldn’t touch unless you forced them to, Jane was grinding her teeth in distaste. She was enjoying this even less than Alec was, though he put his twin’s rotten mood down to the need to hunt.

It was nearing December now and the winter months had brought with it even more rain that quickly turned to ice, with cold winds that stung human cheeks. Jane and Alec felt none of it of course but given the way your tray of food nearly toppled on top of the table with the violence of your shivering it was safe to say the humans did. The twins had guessed you weren’t from the richest family in the world, your clothes didn’t have the same labels as the other children did and were sometimes too big or too small, a little tattered or sewn back together with patches or mismatching threads in a shade that was similar, but not exact to the colour of the material.

“Here we go again.” Jane muttered for his ears only. You had sat with them at lunch every day for the past two weeks since you realised they often sat alone. Your wide Y/E/C eyes took them in, teeth chattering.

“How a-are you n-not cold?” you demanded, limbs trembling as you rubbed your hands together furiously in an effort to warm up. Your jacket looked thin, definitely not able to withstand the temperatures that had continued to drop throughout the day. The grey sky was threatening snow. Alec could smell what would be rain but had the fresher, sharper scent snow brought with it.

“Because it isn’t as cold as you think.” Alec answered. Not when your flesh is already frozen he tacked on mentally. You frowned.

“N-not cold? Are you insane?” you shook your head, ignoring your shivers for now to dig into your food. You always ate like you were starving to, and Alec sometimes wondered if you were getting enough to eat at home, but it wasn’t his place to ask. You had a hot chocolate today to, something you had clearly saved up to buy since he remembered you looking rather sad when you read the price beside it on the menu board the other week. It struck him that perhaps your kindness stemmed from your own perceived difference. You weren’t the same as the other children. You worked harder and were quite obviously poorer. Alec and Jane were the strange new kids. In some ways, your trio was perfectly compatible when it came to categorical ostracization.

“Are you?” Jane’s answer was curt but you tilted your head like you were genuinely considering the question.

“My brother says I am.” You shrugged, shovelling another forkful of mac and cheese into your mouth. If it tasted as bad as it looked, Alec pitied you greatly. Jane just blinked, looking slightly surprised.

“You have a brother?” she questioned. You hummed around a mouthful of food.

“He’s older than me, he g-goes to high school.” Your shivering had lessened a little, the food warming you up even if it did little else. The usual silence fell over you all then. You tended to fill the silence when you were done eating, usually with questions about why they weren’t eating and if they were sick, or simply trying to coax more information about where they’d come from out of them. Today the routine was interrupted by the snow Alec had predicted.  

“It’s here! It’s here! The first snowfall!” a young girl yelled, pointing back outside. A cacophony of noise made Alec and Jane cringe, their sensitive ears protesting against the sounds of scraping chairs and shrieking children, a thousand little feet thudding into the tile to reach the snow first as zippers on jackets whizzed up towards chins. Your eyes were sparkling, obvious delight on your face as you worked twice as hard to finish off the last of your mac and cheese. Alec’s eyebrows rose as you turned to your dessert next, the jello cup being ripped open.

“If you eat too fast you’ll make yourself sick.” Alec reminded you. You gulped, almost choking on your jello.

“I’s ‘no’.” your voice came out all garbled but Alec understood the general premise of it, his disapproval at your decision to go outside with the others obvious on his face.

“You were just complaining you were cold.” Jane huffed. You swallowed.

“But it’s the first snow! Come on! Come on you have to come! Please please please please please please please please-“

“My god we’ll follow you!” Jane snapped. You ignored her tone completely and jumped to your feet, whizzing to collect your things and clean up your tray. Alec watched you go with a shake of his head. Humans were such stupid little creatures. He knew you’d be freezing the moment you set foot outside but that didn’t deter you in the slightest. Neither, apparently, did their cold skin. With your warm hands enveloping theirs you dragged the twins outside into the snow. It was something they had seen before of course, but Alec and Jane had the added advantage of having enhanced eyesight. They could see every little snowflake as it fell, all its unique edges and shapes. Your arms flew outward as you span around, giggling all the while as you reached out and tried to catch a snowflake in your palm. Alec tilted his head as he watched you, Jane sighing quietly beside him.

“They seem so happy...they don’t even see the full wonder of the phenomena.” he mused. Jane was watching you with critical eyes, but Alec could see the slightest softening of her expression and guessed she was as fascinated with your reaction as he was. Your hands were far too warm too catch anything of course, the snowflakes melting upon contact with your skin, but your smile never once dropped and you kept trying again and again, your enthusiasm undeterred.

“They’re already shivering, and yet they carry on,” Jane observed, “Their determination is admirable though.” Alec chuckled.

“You almost sound fond.” He teased. She scoffed, shooting him a wry look from the corner of her eye.

“I’m about as fond of any of them as I am of those idiots picking us up later.” She sniffed. Alec had to laugh at that, even as you came running up to them rabbiting about snowmen and snow angels. You were trembling head to foot. With a small sigh, he shrugged out of his jacket and held it towards you. Your eyes widened.

“But y-you’ll g-g-get cold.” You said, teeth gnashing together noisily.

“You are already frozen. Just swap my jacket with yours.” He huffed.

“But-“

“Y/N.” his voice was curt, no nonsense, the same sort of tone he imagined his mother had once used on him when he was smaller. You obediently took his jacket from him and even though it wasn’t saturated with any sort of human warmth, the wool was thick and you snuggled down into it like it was a lifeline. Your own threadbare denim looked slightly ridiculous on him, too small and the fit all wrong, but Alec didn’t complain once. He held his hand out, knowing it would be cold enough for what he wanted to do, and in one go caught a snowflake he let you inspect to your heart’s desire.

“Softie.” Jane grumbled under her breath. He ignored her. What was the point of making themselves miserable at school? If they had to be here then they should try to make the best of it right? Besides, when you looked at him like that…how could he say no? You invoked some of his oldest, foggiest memories of a wide-eyed Jane staring up at him with awe and admiration, it felt like he was getting a second chance to be the big brother he should have been in that cold, snowy moment.

“Oh Alec! Isn’t it so pretty!” you cried. You can’t even see it he thought incredulously, though he still nodded in agreement. He really hadn’t been expecting you to hug him and he wasn’t quite sure what to do in reply either. Did he hug you back? His arms hesitated, not quite winding around you. His hands were awkwardly left bent outwards as if too touch you would be lethal. His awkward display only made Jane snort, smothering her laughter in her jacket as you bounced back from him and demanded that they all go the Jungle Gym. The bars would surely freeze your fingers and gloves were so slippery not many people were on them today, and those that were quickly disappeared when they saw Alec and Jane coming anyhow.

This was the day Alec blamed for your absence the following week.

You hadn’t bounced in like you usually did, hanging your jacket on the peg beside Jane’s, nor had you wished the teacher good morning when she called your name for the roll call. Truth be told, both twins were rather worried about you when you didn’t show up by the end of first period either, so much so, Alec decided to ask about you. Miss Destiel was a fairly nice woman, strict perhaps but she always found time for her students, so she greeted the two strange newcomers to her class with the same warm smile she gave everyone. Alec didn’t have to be Edward Cullen to know she was probably thinking of several different ways to get them out of her way as quickly as possible despite her friendly demeanour.  

“We want to know if you know where Y/N is.” Jane said, cutting straight to the point. She tilted her head.

“I see. You three are good friends, aren’t you? I see you together at recess a lot. You needn’t worry too much. Her mother called in to tell us she was sick, a little bit of a flu bug they think. She should be back by the end of the week.” Miss Destiel promised them. Alec let his disgust show on his face. A flu bug? Why did humans have to be so weak! It was the cold wasn’t it? It had seeped into your bones and tried to leech the life out of you. Dammit! If only you’d had a better jacket! Or maybe some gloves! Maybe you shouldn’t have been stupid enough to play outside in the snow with them…

You didn’t show up for another four days, and when you did return you drove them half mad with your sniffling and nose blowing and coughing. The other children were giving you dirty looks to, calling you germy and demanding you stay away from them in case you passed on your germs. Alec and Jane were not popular and neither were you, but you did have a few other friends beside them, even those children tried to stay away till you were better, and only one of them was apologetic about it. You were obviously disheartened by the whole affair and prodded at your food with a miserable expression.

“Cheer up, you don’t need to cry in that pie, it smells salty enough already.” Jane’s attempt at comfort was half-hearted at best but Alec was amazed she had even tried at all. You gave her a weak smile.

“I’m not feeling all that hungry.” You mumbled.

“But you always eat,” Alec frowned, “Even when they bring out that awful soggy pizza.”

“S’just the flu.” You sighed.

“Y/N you have to eat.” Alec reprimanded. He really wasn’t sure if you’d make it through the day without a little something in your system and was pleased when you forced down another few bites for him. You glanced at the clock through droopy, watery eyes. You really weren’t ready to come back to school today and it was obvious to both of them.

“I need to go get my medicine from the nurse. I’ll see you in class.” You sniffed, a tickle you tried to clear turning into a coughing spree as you walked away.

“We need to do something.” Jane scowled at her tray.

“We cannot make her better, sister.” Alec pointed out. Jane stared him down for a long moment, and then a smile twitched up her lips.

“Maybe not, but we can stop her getting sick again. Come on, help me.” She ordered. Alec raised his eyebrows but followed her lead, dumping his tray and heading back towards the classroom with her. He stood guard, hearing paper shuffling inside the room as Jane put whatever plan she had into action. He didn’t question it until Friday afternoon rolled around and Miss Destiel decided to read out the names of the secret Santa pairings one more time, at Jane’s request. Next Thursday was the last day of term before the Christmas break started and there would be secret Santa and some choosing time in the afternoon that neither twin was looking forward to.

“Alec and Y/N…huh? Debbie didn’t you have Y/N last time we read out the names?” Miss Destiel looked to the red headed girl for answers, but she just shrugged, uncertain. Alec smiled slightly.

“You switched the papers.” He murmured. Jane hummed, her face the picture of angelic.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about dear brother, but I do have an ideas as to what you could get Y/N if you’re interested.” She was hardly done with her plan just yet though. Demetri wasn’t particularly surprised when the twins came marching towards him; they were often eager to get out of school, but the surprise lay in their demeanours. Usually he could count on a very grumpy Jane and a clearly exasperated Alec, but today they both looked determined. Jane brushed past him with all the regal stature of a woman who knew her self-worth, and Demetri raised an eyebrow slightly as he turned to face Alec.

“We have plans to attend to Demetri. We’re still headed to Port Angeles tonight are we not?” he questioned. Demetri nodded.

“We are, why?”

“We’re going to go earlier than planned. We have secret Santa obligations to fulfil.” He explained, ducking into the car. Demetri looked even more confused at that, but he didn’t dare question either twin as he headed for the driver’s side door. Wasn’t Santa always secret? Had he misunderstood human traditions? He didn’t know and neither Alec nor Jane cared enough to tell him. They were hyper focused now on their plan, a plan they hoped would ensure the health and happiness of the one human being they actually (though they remained very reluctant to admit it) liked. Secrecy was the very nature of their work and yet Alec’s tongue itched whenever he saw you, the secret on the tip of his tongue desperately trying to leap off into the air between you both. Jane struggled too, unable to hide her growing impatience as the week dragged on and your shivers grew worse, your sniffly nose a new, permanent feature on your face.

“Good tidying everyone. Nicky, tell me one thing you’ve learned today?” Miss Destiel snapped Alec out of his daydream and he sat up straighter, wanting to give the appearance of paying attention. Nicky was a smallish boy who had yet to have any sort of growth spurt apparently, all long gangly limbs and braces.

“Erm…After World War 2, they split up Germany and Berlin?” he sounded more like he was guessing than anything else and the twins fought the urge to scoff. How ignorant these little humans were.

“Yes they did! You can go and get your secret Santa present. Can you expand on Nicky’s point somehow Bridget?” Miss Destiel turned to the opposite side of the room now and Alec almost groaned when he realised what she was doing. One by one, they were left to answer questions in order to exit the room, and the process was excruciatingly slow given how stupid the small beings were. By the time the whole affair was over and everyone had a present in front of them, Alec’s fingers were itching at the colourful paper he’d wrapped your present in. Jane had watched multiple youtube videos to get the bow on top just right.

“Miss Destiel can we please give our presents out!” Debbie whined.

“Yeah please?”

“Please!”

“Please!”

“Let us give our presents Miss!”

She held up her hands, waiting for silence, and not until you could have heard a pin drop did she nod and motion for them to get up out of their seats.

You didn’t move.

Alec watched you with a small frown as Jane moved away to find Nicky in the sea of humans. She all but threw the small package at his chest, briefly thanking him in a curt and ice cold voice for the present he gave her in return before she gave him a nod, and the pair drifted with all the grace their vampirism allowed towards you. You only seemed to grow smaller in your seat, some wrinkled looking tissue paper wrapped around a lumpy looking package on your desk in front of you.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.” Alec held out the parcel in his hand. It looked much neater in comparison, with shiny gold paper and a shimmering, expertly tied black bow. You swallowed, your fists clenching on top of the tabletop as you took a breath and gathered the courage to face him. Your eyes widened slightly.

“It looks so…fancy…” you fretted. Alec frowned, tilting his head.

“It’s just a present.” Alec said. You bit your lip, taking it when he shook it impatiently before you and carefully setting it on your desk like it was made of precious gold. He folded his arms, standing and watching expectantly as your shaky fingers lifted to try and untie the bow. Jane watched in surprise as you reverently unfurled the ribbon from the paper, making sure it didn’t crumple. You were equally as careful with the paper, a sharp exhale escaping you when you pulled it away to reveal the present within.

Your fingers brushed the thick, woolen fabric, shaky and unsure as you carefully unfolded the clothing and stood up to hold it before you. Your wide eyes looked over the shiny black buttons on the coat, your eyes drifting to the hallway where your own, threadbare denim hung still. You hadn’t taken off the hoodie you wore underneath all day in an effort to keep away the chill, but with your new coat you definitely wouldn’t need to wear triple layers just to stay warm anymore. Tears welled in your eyes.

“Is it not to your liking?” Jane asked confusedly.

“I thought you would want to be warmer given the cold weather.” Alec added. Had they got it wrong? Had your denim maybe got sentimental value they’d accidentally besmirched by giving you a new coat? They just wanted you to be warm! They didn’t like seeing you sick and shivering…

“This is expensive. You weren’t supposed to buy expensive things!” You fretted, but your fingers had curled into the fabric like you didn’t want to let go. Alec tilted his head.

“Y/N, this was hardly-“

“I can’t give you mine if you give me this! It looks so stupid and – and – it’s not – it’s not-“

“Y/N,” Alec gripped your shoulders with a troubled frown, “Our parents have more money than they know what to do with, spending a little of it to keep your warm is what we wanted to do for Christmas and we didn’t expect anything in return for it.” He said firmly. You sniffled, looking absolutely overwhelmed at the gesture. Neither twin could fully understand why. Sure, they had guessed you didn’t come from a well-off family but this reaction seemed extreme…then again, they couldn’t really remember what it was like to not have things. They had grown up farming, self-sufficiency meaning anything they didn’t have they grew or harvested to acquire it. Once they were turned, they had access to the Volturi’s vast treasury - money really had no meaning to them anymore.

Your fingers twitched for the lumpy package on the desk and Alec gave you an encouraging nod.

“I…they’re not…I couldn’t buy anything but, I wanted you to be warm to…so…so…” you stumbled over your words, your apparent shyness taking over. Alec and Jane had never known you to be lost for words. You were always chattering away at them, even when they were less than responsive. Jane’s eyebrows rose as you pulled out a second lumpy looking package with her name on, and the twins exchanged a glance as they felt the squishy, thick material through the thin paper. You had ducked your head, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as they pulled away the paper as carefully as they could. If you had been so intent on keeping theirs intact to recycle they would show you the same courtesy.

Alec blinked, and not just because the contacts were irritating his eyes. The thick and squishy material beneath his fingertips turned out to be black and blue, two colours he wore often as part of his charade since he couldn’t wear his guard uniform to school. The stripes of chunky knitting unfolded as he held them out into a long strip, the wool a little scratchy but soft, dense, designed to hold heat. Jane’s own red and black piece tumbled out of the paper towards the floor. They had seen them before of course, but with the slightly uneven width in places and a few missing stitches here and there, these were clearly homemade and not the fancy store bought ones they knew of.

You’d knitted them each a scarf.

He didn’t need it, he didn’t get cold, but Alec carefully wrapped the woolly scarf around his throat anyway. It warmed him in ways he couldn’t explain, his expression softening as he stroked the soft but scratchy material that dangled against his chest. Jane followed his lead, admiring the stitching with awe.

“You made these for us?” she asked. You nodded sheepishly.

“I know they’re not very good but-“

“They’re perfect.” Alec interrupted. Your fingers were still clamped around your new coat and Alec’s eyes rolled, taking it from you to force you into it. Your fingers trailed over the fabric, the buttons, a soft smile lighting up your face.

“Can I really keep it?” you asked quietly.

“Only if we can keep these.” Jane replied. You nodded, more enthusiastic now. Your Y/E/C eyes sparkled as you snuggled down in your new coat. Already Alec could see the colour returning slowly to your cheeks as your temperature rose, and he and Jane shared a nod of approval at the sight – it was a job well done. Alec and jane cared for very few people, none of them human until you came along, actually disappointed when they caught the nomads over Christmas and realised they couldn’t return to school to say goodbye to you properly.  

You’d pressed the call button hours ago.

When the tightness in your chest had began Tuesday night you were sure it was going to pass. It had rapidly gotten worse however, so much so your daughter had been forced to call an ambulance out to you. The hospital was doing all they could but the place was miserable. Nobody saw you unless it was to do your observations and the food tasted awful. Not that you really had an appetite of course given how weak you felt.

It had been three very long days.

“If you don’t eat, you’ll make yourself sick.” The voice seemed so familiar but you couldn’t quite place it. With a gentle sigh, you turned your head away from the window you were lucky enough to be near and found a young boy watching you, his eyes gentle and sad. Beside him stood an petite blonde girl, both of them with the deepest brown eyes and palest skin you had ever seen. You frowned slightly, the faintest itch in your brain telling you that somehow you knew these children.

“That’s very true young man,” You nodded finally, “Are you visiting someone? I think you have the wrong room.” He nodded slowly.

“We are visiting a friend, I don’t think she knows we’re here.” He said, head tilting. The small girl beside him sighed. You hummed.

“Well you can ask at the desk, they know all the rooms.” You coughed slightly, a bony, age spotted hand reaching for your water. Your mouth felt rather dry, or maybe the room was just warm. You didn’t feel warm though.

“Has nobody come to visit you?” the girl wondered, helping bring the water to your lips. Her touch was gentle against your own but her hands were freezing cold. You shivered involuntarily, sipping at your water in an effort to soothe your throat.

“My daughter and grandkids came yesterday, you don’t have to – to worry about me.” You frowned slightly as you swallowed again. You had found breath a little hard to come by recently and the oxygen running up through your nostrils was hardly any use now. The boy was gentle as he pulled your blanket up around your chest.

“I’m glad, you haven’t been alone. You won’t be now, either.” He promised. Your frown deepened. Why was the room so cold all over a sudden? Why did the lights seem dimmer? You chest rattled slightly as you tried to take in air, the oxygen making you choke a little. The small blonde girl stepped up, pulling a red and black scarf that looked like it had been worn often, the threads worn down. Once it was carefully looped around your throat she stepped back, her cold hand settling in yours while the young boy took the other one. The air was stuffier still, even the breeze from the slightly open window wasn’t helping now, and everything suddenly became so clear. It was like you had previously been sitting surrounded by static.

“Alec…Jane…”your breathed, eyes watering. They looked exactly the same, not a day older than the day they had left. You had been so excited to see them in January when school was finally in session again but they hadn’t been there, they’d moved away again.

“Hello, Y/N. It’s been a long time, old friend.” Alec smiled softly, though his expression remained saddened. Your eyes watered.

“It’s been 70 years.” You rasped.

“78 years, 5 months and 13 days, if you want to be precise.” Jane spoke up. Her voice and her face was as apathetic as you remembered it to be. It was her scarf, she had given you her scarf. 78 years and she still had it. Alec pulled a stack of letters from his pocket, and you recognised the spidery handwriting easily in your bizarre state of clarity. All the letters you had written to Volturi Ltd in the hopesof keeping in contact with your friends. It was Jane who gently wiped away the few tears that spilt down sallow, wrinkled cheeks. You were so old, but they were wondrously young, vibrant in their youth. You wanted to know how, but you sensed somehow you didn’t have the time for the explanations you wanted.

“There were a few important answers we felt we should give you,” Alec said, sitting beside you and opening the first letter, “Firstly, we are well, we are happy and we did miss you to. We miss very few people, it surprised our masters when we requested to come and visit you.” You croaked a laugh. It was hardly surprising from what you remembered of the twins; even your friendship with them was strained at points, but they were hardly palatable to most in your class. Alec continued to scroll through the letters, and you suspected he knew with every answer he and Jane gave you that you were running short on air and time with every word he spoke.

When your lungs were really starting to battle for air you couldn’t quite stop the tears from coming. You wanted more time. You wanted more time with your old friends to try to understand why they left, why they were still so long. Maybe they weren’t even real, but the way their hands felt in yours was so realistic you doubted you could imagine it.

“I…d-don’t want…to go.” You struggled to get the words out, your heart trying to hard and your lungs ready to give up. Even if your mind was desperately pleading with it to hold on your body was clearly ready.

“Sometimes, it is simply our time, little human.” Alec said softly.

“Please don’t think less of us for not calling a nurse or a doctor. We think it’s kinder this way. You’re ready, even if you don’t think you are.” Jane promised, giving your hand the lightest squeeze.

“My g-grandaughters…she’s graduating i-in March…”you whispered. Alec soothingly ran his thumb over the back of your hand.

“She will keep you with her I’m sure…you’re quite difficult to forget, you know,” He smiled gently at you.

“It’s time to sleep now, Y/N.” Jane said. There was a darkness creeping in at the edges of your vision as your heart finally gave way in your chest, and Alec watched as you desperately fought for one last breath, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly while the light in your eyes died. Your heart monitor was screaming, the noise was going to attract someone very quickly they were sure, but they had finally gotten the goodbye they had been deprived of all those years ago.

“Will you take your scarf back with you sister?” Alec asked as they stood up and quickly cleaned away the letters and any other trace they had ever been there. Jane paused briefly, staring back at your frail body. You were much older now, still as skinny as they remembered, but any colour was stripped from your hair and replaced with grey. She very gently closed your vacant eyes, unable to keep looking at the empty Y/E/C, and shook her head.

“No, she’s still cold.” She frowned. Alec placed a hand on her shoulder briefly, his ears picking up the sound of feet thudding on the tile outside.

“We need to leave.” He said. Jane nodded her head.

“Lets.”

They disappeared as quickly as they came, Demetri waiting for them beside a Sedan with tinted windows. His eyebrows rose ever so slightly as they approached but neither twin said anything, so he didn’t either. He had felt the familiar tenor fade as you passed, he knew what they had come to do now, understood it even. Every winter Alec and Jane had worn those threadbare scarves, even when the wool had faded and it was clearly past the prime of its life. You had made a lasting impression on the witch twins, a friend they had made without any interfering influence from the masters or Chelsea or any other outside force. Alec stared at the hospital getting smaller in the rear view mirror. They wouldn’t go to your funeral, they had said their goodbyes to you today, and until the last thread unravelled, he would always have his scarf to remember you by. You had been stitched into the very fabric of whatever was left of his soul, where you would always be, to keep him warm when his heart threatened to turn cold once more.  

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

How Mervana shows Louie’s response to trauma.

I made a super short post basically saying “Hey I like how Mervana highlights Louie’s trauma and it’s effects on him” and people seemed interested in hearing more about it so here’s that post.

Now, it’s no secret (generally) that Louie really hates adventures. That’s obvious throughout the show, up to the most recent season. He never seems to want to go on adventures, always objecting to them or not going or changing his mind and wanting to go back half way through. The show never fails to remind us that he hates them. What’s more, the show never fails to remind us exactly why Louie hates adventures. In Glomtales he was actually happy to be missing the adventure at first, commenting “Well, at least I can skip out on another insanely dangerous adventure”. Something that only changed when he realized they were going somewhere not only safe but actually fun, something very rare. In The Golden Armory Of Cornelius Coot he rocks back and forth trying to convince himself of why the adventure was worth it, clearly extremely distressed. “Do not laugh in the face of my danger” he shouted when Dewey starting giggling. Later in that episode he basically sobbed out “I wanna go home”. In Challenge Of The Senior Woodchuck he says “I’m cold and terrified, this sure seems like an adventure to me.”

Most of the family isn’t actually affected by the constant stress and danger they’re put in. Huey, Dewey, Webby, Della, and Scrooge all find it incredibly exciting, Donald used to once upon a time and he stopped adventuring after it stopped being that. Nobody else has really gone through what Louie has. He isn’t built for adventuring. He’s been kidnapped, physically and mentally hurt, almost killed. Constantly. According to an article I read, “Trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that can have lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and physical, social, emotional well-being.” and well, that absolutely fits the bill here. Below i’m going to put some symptoms of trauma that are in line with what we’ve seen from Louie throughout the show

Anger, irritability, mood swings

Anxiety and fear

Guilt, shame, self-blame

Withdrawing from others

Feeling sad or hopeless

Feeling disconnected or numb

Fatigue

Being startled easily

Edginess and agitation

Extreme alertness; always on the lookout for warnings of potential danger

Detachment from other people and emotions

Emotional numbing

Suspicion

Throughout the show there are many instances of Louie’s trauma being very obvious to anybody paying attention. However I think the episode Mervana actually showcased the effects outside of just Louie being visibly distressed over actively being in danger. Other episodes have shown his symptoms, obviously. His anxiety and fear are always on during at adventure and when they aren’t he’s shockingly, almost unusually numb to the situation. He’s almost always very fatigued (although the line between what’s fatigue and what’s just ‘laziness’ is a bit blurred), and he’s almost always a bit too hostile towards others. But Mervana showed a really direct ‘cause and effect’ type relationship with the things they’ve been through and his behavior throughout that episode.

Starting off the episode, we can see Louie seems very detached. He’s texting throughout Huey and Scrooge’s monologues. As I said earlier, when it comes to adventuring he’s always either in fight or flight mode or he’s completely detached, maybe offering occasional dull but volatile remarks here and there. Eventually Louie makes a comment about how “Now there’s two people putting us in constant danger” before sitting like this for the next minute or so

The other’s are mid conversation but he just kinda sits there blankly for a while before turning to make another remark. “Yeah, I definitely can’t wait to find a bunch of lost undersea monsters who definitely won’t have a dark secret that almost gets us killed”. And it’s important to recognize that Louie isn’t just being a pessimist here. He may not be in panic mode at the moment because he tends to emotionally detach himself until it’s time for his fight or flight responses to kick in (likely a way to cope with the constant anxiety that seems to follow him) but he’s still got a very good point because they are put in constant danger and this episode really, truly, is no different. Webby even asks “Why do you always have to assume the worst?” to which Louie pulls out his running list of the times they’ve been offered as a sacrifice. He’s almost died countless times. He’s watched his brother’s and sister almost die countless times. No, not countless, he’s counting. He’s literally keeping count of the number of traumatic experiences he’s gone through, which is at least one hundred and twenty. And that’s just the amount of sacrifices, which is to say nothing about kidnappings or non sacrifice related straight up murder attempts. 

Let me just say, though, that his suspicious nature, while completely natural due to his past traumatic experiences, and while somewhat grounded in reality because they did end up in danger during this episode, wasn’t completely accurate. Most of the Mervanan’s were genuinely good people but Louie immediately assumed they were going to hurt him and his family. He was on edge. He was immediately suspicious, even before he met them, even before he was given reason to be suspicious. The only person who read into things as deeply as he did was Beakley, who’s a secret agent. She will have been trained to be suspicious and pick up on small signs that something isn’t right, but Louie wasn’t. Louie was just on edge and suspicious of everything because those are big signs of trauma. He was right that something wrong was going on, but it wasn’t observational skills on his part as shown by the fact that he was sure they’d be put in danger before they ever met the Mervanan’s. 

A few times this episode we see the flip from Louie being on edge and suspicious to him actually genuinely being put in danger. And you can see clear as day that he gets no satisfaction out of it. Everyone else is usually proud or energized. Excited to fight, smug when they win or get away. It’s not the same for Louie.

And you can see there’s a difference even between Beakley’s suspicions based on genuine observation and valid doubt when compared to Louie’s which are based in the fact that he’s a traumatized individual who’s had his brain rewired in a way that makes him suspicious to an unhealthy degree. “You have no idea weather or not they’re going to feed us to their monster king?” Beakley asked The Harp. She was suspicious because she knows how the world works and realized something was wrong (because something was wrong) but she was rational about it. They didn’t have solid evidence, she didn’t know for sure. But Louie immediately replied by saying “they definitely are” which isn’t a rational thought process when he really, truly had no evidence to believe so other than his deepseeded instinct to trust nobody.

And when Beakley admitted that she didn’t trust the Mervanan’s either there was very little smugness in the way he handled it. Louie didn’t insist as hard as he did that something was wrong and that you can’t trust anybody just to prove a point to Webby. Immediately he interrupted Beakley and Webby’s situation by jumping in with “We need to get the harp down to the Mervanan’s or we’re all going to die!” Louie was truly in panic mode throughout this episode. He wasn’t just being a pessimist trying to crush Webby’s bright optimistic hope, he was trying to protect his family. When he first set off to find the harp he said “I’m going to find the harp before we all get sacrificed”. Then when he was debating weather or not to tell Webby the truth he pointed out that “If she doesn’t (find out the truth) she’ll be fish food!”. Then when he’s trying to move the harp down to the other’s his biggest concern is “Gotta save family”. It’s not just pessimism, it’s fear and suspicion, which are very different things. 

Later on we see that Louie’s ideals don’t fully match up with his behavior either. “The king turned himself into a monster, but you’re not him.  You built a society based on truth, and the truth is you don’t need Mervana to be good.” before turning to Webby and telling her “Somebody once told me that you have to look for the best in people and not assume the worst” and honestly, I don’t feel like this is abnormal thinking for him. Believe it or not, Louie is the kind of person to believe in other’s positive traits. He does very often see the good in people and obviously on a level of principal alone he doesn’t think all people are bad.  

However principals and logic are often overcome by the brain’s natural response to trauma. And those natural responses often aren’t as idealistic as “anyone can be good and you shouldn’t assume the worst in people”. Fear and anger and anxiety. Seeing danger everywhere. Always being on guard. They’re not something you can control. No matter how much you believe people can be good that instinctive urge to trust nobody spurred on by trauma is often much stronger. Especially when you’re not getting any professional help and have someone to protect. Even if Louie wanted to believe in people (and I think he does), his survival instincts are stronger than that. Even if he didn’t care about his own safety, he has a family who are too dumb to care about their own so he has to do that for them.

Overall a LOT of Louie’s storyline during Mervana was obviously highlighting his response to the trauma he’s had to deal with over the course of the show. And sadly I don’t think he’ll stop having these reactions anytime soon because it takes more than just knowing people can be good to deal with changes to your brain’s chemical makeup.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm curious what you think the worst shipping dynamic is? And the reasoning behind it if you have any.

Thank you so much!!!

haha I do have several of those actually. I’ll include both what I think are the worst dynamics and the kind of ships that “I just don’t get why would you ship smth like that”.

1. What I actually call “a mom and a manchild”.

examples: Hatori/Chiaki from “Sekaichi Hatsukoi”, Ikuya/Hiyori.

I guess, technically there’s nothing wrong with this, if they both enjoy being this way, but firstly I just hate adults behaving like infants and I don’t think encouraging such behavior can lead to anything good, and secondly watching this just makes me uncomfortable for many reasons. And moments like when Hyori came up to Ikuya when he talked to Haru and was like “it’s too late and you can’t talk to this man, time to go home” and Ikuya went I just cracked up at this. Also when one part is basically changes the other’s part diapers, but in return gets tantrums or basically nothing or “but I wanna play with someone else tho”, it’s just a kink I do not get, like why would you want to be treated like this is beyond me.

But then I also generally dislike infantile characters, and I can’t ship smth if I don’t like both parties, so maybe bc of this. I always like the mature characters. Like even when I do know in theory that a 13 year old in reality can’t behave like Todoroki, I’m still like, I don’t fucking care, that’s the one I like xD But when 20 years old Ikuya behaves like this, I just do not appreciate it, I guess.

2. “I don’t have an identity, my identity is you or what you want me to be” category, including “my dignity flew out of the window” ones and “I just do what you do”. (I CANNOT HANDLE THIS DYNAMIC, YOU KNOW I CAN’T!!!!!!! I DO NOT WHY, BUT IT’S JUST PISSING ME OFF THE MOST OF ALL PROBABLY)

examples: Eren/Mikasa, Haru/Makoto, Natsusa/Sei from “Number24″.

Sports animes do that a lot. “The only reason I played rugby is because you played it” is a major cringe. And no, it’s not romantic. Romantic is like when you’re both passionate about this and doing this sports together makes it even better/more meaningful, that I get. Not, “I only went there bc you like it” and I’ll have what you have, I’ll do what you do. Like.. huh? You firstly a person, as in fully formed one pls, you can’t exist as someone’s trail. 

Those ships always contain this one person (like Mikasa, Makoto), who are just the accessory of the other character. Mikasa’s problem is not the ackerbond, it’s her life position, she herself chosen to be Eren’s doormat. And some also find this romantic, I think, but I just hate such things. Also the truth of life: if you don’t respect yourself, your crush won’t respect you either. Just saying.

Makoto, I sincerely think, if Kisumi would be his neighbour instead of Haru, he’d be playing basketball at school lmao. Like SD has so many of absolutely terrible scenes, where Makoto just for real turns to Haru and goes “do you think I should go to the basketball club if we’re not swimming?” like dude, I’m... he’s like a walking definition of “meh” if there ever existed one. How can you do not care what you do? Like at all. This is beyond me. That’s sad. Watching him makes me sad.

I just need both characters in a ship be you know THEM, fantastic on their own, then when they’re together they become an absolutely explosive magic. It’s just a true fact.

Also there is one ship who is not quite this category, but kinda touches this theme. Ciel and Lizzy from “Kuroshitsuji”, ike the original Ciel, for whom she wanted to pretend to be a dumb damsel in distress for the rest of her life. Like fucking seriously????? You’d live like this????!!!! Fucking hell, you must really don’t love yourself like at all.

3. Humiliation isn’t my kink.

examples: Dazai/Akutagawa, Midoriya/Bakugou.

Akutagawa and Midoriya are badass motherfuckers and also wonderful human beings on their own. When they encounter Dazai and Bakugou they become sheeps. I hate seeing them like that, that’s basically it. Also humiliation is really not my kink. The whole “treat him like crap” thing. Like some things they did to them is just.. my god, I don’t like it.

Like when Dazai asked Atsushi to throw the phone moment, I literally flinched so hard watching it, I can’t even explain this feeling between the dejection and utter disgust at the fact that Dazai did it, that I felt watching it, but I fucking hated it.

4. Those who bring out the worst in each other or don’t bring out anything in each other.

All my ships literally all with no exceptions make each other the best versions of themselves, push/challenge each other to become better/brighter/happier, etc., or add to each other that piece the other was missing. 

If someone makes someone feel depressed, miserable or even just simply stuck in a rut, that’s probably not it. There are some ships who just simply can’t make each other happy or even make each other unhappy and that’s a fact.

5. Ships with no development or development so tiny that you need 120 episodes and an magnifying glass to see it.

examples: I’d say, but I just don’t want those 10 year olds in my ask box again.

Hate this for obvious reasons. Because as wise ppl say “only fools don’t grow” or "if we don't change, we don't grow. if we don't grow, we aren't really living."

6. Those who are like brothers to each other and said so and don’t emmit any and I mean ANY sexual vibes or attraction in that kind of way towards each other. 

examples: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley (like THE FUCK seriously), Stiles/Scott from “Teen Wolf”, Keith/Shiro.

I just cannot imagine them being romantically involved, I literally can’t. And I don’t get it. It’s like they even say “you’re my brother” thing, but also they just do not give off any couply feels and imagining this kinda make me cringe a bit, cause I have two sisters I’m very close with and their relationship remind me of our relationships so just.. no.

7. They are not each others priority. Meaning both putting someone else or something else before them.

If they don’t put each other first, I most likely probably don’t want it. 

My jam is like Stucky and when they say to Steve “you do this, captain, and the whole world would think of you as a criminal” and Steve being like “fuck you, take your shield, take your idiotic hero rules, I don’t care, he matters to me more than your whole dumbass world”.

My jam is Lan Zhan who went against the whole world and a horde of stupid donkeys and fought for his baby till the end. He really didn’t care if he’d lose everything and what would other ppl think, if it meant that Wei Wuxian will be with him.

On the other hand, we have Jin Guangyao, who had Lan Xichen, but he wanted power and idiots’ love more, so he chose what he chose. Do not get this ship, like no, thanks.

As for putting specific someone else first. Rin/Sousuke, for example. I in general do not get it, but also like there are like 10 moments in the anime like in Yakusoku when Rin forgot about him, when he saw Haru during the tournament and an actual quote “Sousuke looked at Rin, who will always put Haru first”. So like... I do not get it. If you see them as a couple this is technically no good no for Sousuke, no for Rin.

8. Obviously straight ones, but “hey, I need them gay”.

I in fact just do not believe in a “straight ppl do not exist” thing. As I’ve said before there are exceptions where some characters give off the clear bi vibe, but those are pretty rare tbh. And even more rare canonically proven ones like Kanda from D.Gray-man, for example. 

The moment they show some character in anime drool over some girls he doesn’t even know, but he don’t react to any of the guys like this, this just means he’s most likely heterosexual. Cause only straight guys drool only specifically after seeing random boobs. So this thing always throws me off in some ships.

99% of my ships are either canonically gay or most likely gay, but author doesn’t want to label it. 

There are just lots of animes where main character/s have shown no interest in an opposite gender whatsoever like “Natsume Yuujinchou”, “Kuroko No Basuke”, “AOT”, “Number24″, “Fukigen na Mononokean”, “Tower Of God”, “Owari no Seraph” etc., but did in fact show interest in the same gender one. That I get, yes. 

And btw even if you want somebody to be as I call it a “wishful bi”, I think it should be only in situations like if these characters have some absolutely wonderful/undeniable connection, not just the ship for the sake of gay ship.

_____

That’s probably it. Otherwise I’m fine, I think :D  

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; i’m bad behaviour but i do it in the best way

word count: 6320

pairing: connor | rk800/gender-neutral!reader

genre: fluff; kinda crack treated seriously

summary: « as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

the android before you was conflicted. you could tell from his yellow led, which kept flickering and spinning. the guy was seriously debating this. he’s intrigued. he wants to try it out, you just have to egg him on.

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you’re sure you had a harder time persuading others compared to this detective model android...

a/n: the time has come. i have inspiration. i have motivation. i managed to unblock myself. i think it’s because of stress? i couldn’t write because of stress lmfao or maybe it’s cuz of that oc x canon snippet i did idk.

both.

and uh, the story went out of hand and evolved by itself.

ping. a small popup in the top right corner of his hud caught his attention as he rearranged his folders, neatly putting them in his bag.

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[ 1 ᴺᴱᵂ ᴹᴱˢˢᴬᴳᴱ: Love ]

> hey im outside waiting for u xx Noted. <

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he quickly replied and picked up the pace, securing his beanie and wrapping his scarf. grabbing his bag, he excused himself: « see you tomorrow, lieutenant. – wait! connor! the younger man stopped in his tracks, and turned to face the lieutenant. – just… you know how i feel about [ y/n ]... the android patiently waited for him to elaborate. – if you don’t feel comfortable doing what they want you to do, just... know that you don’t have to. he instructed. and if they force you, or hu— – hank. he gently interrupted. the older man stopped his tirade, a mix of emotions on his face: surprise. concern. annoyance. mostly concern. – hank, he restarted. i’ll be fine. he reassured him. i know you don’t trust them, and i can’t force you to, but have a little faith. “in me” in that last sentence unspoken. – i… fuck, i know… but- he grumbled. just, if you don’t feel safe, call me. ok? – of course. he answered. »

before stepping out of the building, the android looked back at his father figure, « take care, see you in the morning. », he did a small wave and threw his best pacifying smile. acute scans heard the older man’s resigned sigh and the twinkle of lingering concern in his features.

once out of the building, his sensors noted the drastic drop in temperature, the warmth and ambient brightness of within was replaced by the cold and windy dullness. it was a rather chilly night, clocking in at 14 degrees celsius, wind blowing rather harshly. wrapping his coat tighter around himself, he heads for where you normally park: take a right from the precinct, a few blocks away. when he reached you, you were leaning on your motorbike, preoccupied with something on your phone, and only noticing the android through his footsteps. looking up, you smirked, and stuffed your mobile into your pocket: « glad to see that they freed you, you said, flicking a cigarette butt away. – yes… i hope i didn’t make you wait too long? he greeted back. – nah, it’s fine. »

you chucked the spare helmet you brought towards him—which he caught effortlessly—« come on, i wanna show you something. »

the ride to the destination was uneventful: it was the usual fare. you sped through the traffic, weaving through the different vehicles at a speed connor was sure was much over the speed limit (he has since given up on informing you as you seemed to ignore him, not keen on slowing down anytime soon).

this location seemed to be some distance outside of the city, as the street grew narrower and darker. the sounds of other vehicles no longer accompanying them. all he could hear was the air that you were blazing through and the humming of the motorcycle underneath you. the cold wind blew from the direction you were heading, and he could feel the rush of air against his body, a sensation that, he figured, would feel chilly and unpleasant if he could “feel” cold. still, he instinctively clung tighter to your body to preserve body heat. he watched the scenery change, sights buzzing by; the dark sky grew clearer and clearer, until a few bright stars were visible unlike back in the heart of the city.

the motorcycle slowed down to a halt, and he dismounted the vehicle. « here we are, you struck out a hand to dramatically gesture at the building. my usual haunt. »—the android squinted as he scrutinised the place, but before he could get a good look, his sight abruptly turned to black, his eyes not yet caught up with the sudden change in lighting. it was as if someone turned off the light switch, the world suddenly plunged into darkness. and apparently somebody did: you finally joined him after turning off the bike, killing the only light source. nudging him to alert him of your presence, you pulled out a flashlight from your bag and flicked it on, illuminating the area once more. you headed towards the building, and twirled to face him. « tada! my happy place, where i usually come to relax after weeks of finals. you announced pridefully. »

[ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵᴺᴳ ]

he regarded the place apprehensively. to say that it was what he expected it to be would be lie: what he expected to be a warm and rustic cottage, one that exudes cosiness, turned out to be the old remains of an unfinished construction, merely the skeleton of what would be commonhold. it was dark and dreary, shadows covering the empty spaces and the walls. some of the surface were left unfinished, making the “building” perforated, cold and unfriendly. brutal, even. It was clearly dirty, not taken care of, with rubble littering the floors. he analysed the building and was concerned over its structural integrity. it didn’t seem that stable… surely you wouldn’t…?

you noticed your boyfriend’s souring impression and quickly tried to redeem the monument in his eyes: « that look on you face… you hate this... don’t you? you winced. your question caught him off guard, causing him to fumble for a recovery. – i-uh… no! it… has a unique charm. – you’re allowed to be honest, you know? you sighed. – it’s … certainly not what i had in mind, he winced. you bit your lip in a nervous smile. it’s far from prim and proper for straight laced connor, but you hope that this doesn’t end in a disastrous date. – give it a chance, let me show you up there… you’ll love it! you grinned, trying to lighten the mood. »

entering the structure almost felt like entering a different reality: the white noises of the outside world, the hooting of owls, the chirping and buzzing of insects and the howl of the wind were dampened as soon as he followed you in. it was a different realm, where shade crawled about and reigned, the silence deafening and oppressive. « mind the step. you alerted him. » the murk did not deter you one bit, and, knowing the layout of the structure by heart, you led him through different twist and turns, avoiding what he deduced would be multiple deadends. only the light of the flashlight illuminating the way. he followed you obediently, not straying too far away from you, at the risk of becoming lost in this labyrinth. he observed the environment, perturbed. the area contained so many potential hazards, and the thought that you frequented this place often distressed him slightly: though he did not doubt your ability to take care of yourself, he didn’t like the idea that you could’ve potentially hurt yourself every time you went here. he snapped out of his musing millimetres away from colliding with you and directed his attention to what you were currently preoccupied by: a ledge that led to the second floor. « hey babe… how much do you weigh? he took a few moments to answer, but you quickly rephrased. – sorry, you chuckled, that turned out more personal that i thought. can you give me a leg up? you nodded at the protruding wall. the stairs that lead to the upper floors are blocked by rubble so i’m afraid this is our only way up. »

he simply nodded, you securing your light on your belt as he put himself in position against the wall to boost you up. the climb went through easily, and you quickly turned around to pull him up after his running jump. you both quickly stood up, the android dusting himself, ridding his clothes of soot and dust, before you start your trek once more.

« i was wondering—assuming you usually frequent this place on your own—how do you get over that wall by yourself? he asked. – with great difficulty, you answered truthfully. the android rolled his eyes. – obviously, he says, in that lilt that never fails to make you chuckle. – yeah? well i hope you’re not too tired today, ‘cause we have a bit more scaling to do. don’t want you slowing me down, you teased. – as if. he scoffed. »

once on the highest floor, you led him towards an open chamber whose floor was largely intact but had a large gaping hole on one side—one that helped ventilate the room who, compared to the rest of the building, was properly aerated, the air much cleaner and safer to breathe than the musty and stale odor down below. the opening allowed the moonlight to bathe the room in a soft glow, illuminating the occupants with an ethereal white. a second source of light caught his attention: a small fire that you ignited inside a metal drum, a flame whose heat was a pleasant contrast to the cold, an ember that highlighted the place with a stark, warm, orange glow against the satellite’s smooth, cold, bluish-white light.

you sat down unceremoniously on a worn out and unfinished windowsill—resembling more like a vaguely rectangular opening—the android joining you on the opposite side. lighting a cigarette, you took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back and gazing into the sable sky decorated by a plethora of stars. the man facing you mimicked your movements and gazed at the celestial bodies, little lights twinkling in the dark, innocent and brilliant. able to take his time to view the heavens, he noted that it resembles an elysian painting, tinted an aegean blue. accompanying the sight was the rumbles of a rock song he wasn’t familiar with, probably from a rock concert a few kilometres away—making a note to find out and identify the venue. he could feel the deep thrumming of the bass and vaguely hear the melody, and though the dampened music made it slightly harder for him to pin it down, he managed to identify it: a hit song from a local indie band. he turned to face you, your form peacefully resting against the wall behind you, eyes closed; features relaxed. breathing deeply, you blew puffs of smoke with a lazy, yet content, smile.

« so? what d’you think? your eyes were directly on him now. i know you had your reservations about this place...  »

there was a small twitch in your smile, a tell he caught that told him of your nervousness. despite his previous opinion of this place, he could see why you liked it, and considered it your happy place: it was a distance away from the big city, the air pollution and the noise. it was quieter and calmer here, without any of the loud colours and chatter that never seemed to cease. the location also provided a good view of the woods around it and the elegant skies above, along with ambient music. one that certainly fit your tastes, but at a distance that didn’t make the atmosphere overbearing. it was a good place to recharge; to rest and to think, away from the cumbersome responsibilities, if only for a little while.

« i like it... it has a unique charm. he found himself repeating himself. it’s a good place to escape. – do you? as if a switch was flicked, your uncertain demeanour was replaced with a cheeky grin. i’m glad this place grew on you! you stood up and placed yourself closer to the android, sinking back on him. – i... like places like these and exploring them… just glad i didn’t bore you away. »

you sighed as you settled comfortably against his chest, his arms quickly wrapping around your waist to cradle your form in a tight embrace. he replied with a hum of approval. placing a hand on yours, he brings it up and presses a kiss on your palm. you gently caressed his cheek as he did. « i’m never bored when i get to spend time with you, my love. he says softly, earnestly. – you’re not half bad yourself, babe. you replied. »

he smacked your arm in faux disdain as you placed a kiss on his jaw, and the conversation ended after that. It was quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward silence; no, it was a comfortable one. no other words uttered. just the two of you, the crackle of the flame, your thoughts and the heavens. connor is tracing soothing circles on the back of your hand, resting his head on the top of yours—his focus switching from the galaxy above and you—while you simply relish on the warmth of his presence and hum along to the song playing in the background. though you knew he meant what he said, you notice him start to fidget and become restless. you’re never sure if it was due to the fact that he was a tireless android or if it was simply a tic of his, but he’s unable to simply sit and be. he’s already analysed all that could be analysed in this place, and you know it’s something he can’t help but do. he had a constant need to be up and about, doing something or preoccupying his mind with something.

« beautiful night, tonight, isn’t it? you started, catching his attention. there was a few moments of silence before he answered. – but certainly not as charming as you. – ha. smooth one, anderson. » the flame in the drum is dying, the heat it brought fading away: an attestation of the time that has passed. it’s been that long huh? the band has changed to a different song, though it shows no signs of finishing anytime soon. you decided it was time to put connor out of his misery and do something else.

snapping up unto your feet—startling the android slightly—you offer a hand and pulled him up: « i got an idea. and it’s probably going to sound like a terrible, inane idea… – how foolish are we talking? he asked, unfazed after going through with multiple of your “dates”; including, but not limited to, urban exploration, base jumping, and graffiti (he still doesn’t know why he agreed… he remembers you saying « rebel against the humans! ») – i mean… it’s pretty tame considering the stuff i proposed before. you shrugged. he raised a brow in suspicion. – you... might be charged with criminal trespass… you admit and he looks horrified. but! but! you continued. that’s only if you get caught! which you wouldn’t be if you’re with me! you reassured him. – what are you planning to do, exactly? – i was thinking about sneaking in the concert and just bask in the energy. head for the moshpit or something. you’re bouncing off your ideas, hoping it might interest him. have fun, enjoy the music. – i’ve researched that venue, it’s a private property! do you know the charges that’ll be pressed against you? he asked, perplexed. – duh! it’s a misdemeanour trespass, as is stated in the michigan penal code: county jail for 30 days and/or a fine. section 750.552.. you answered nonchalantly. it don’t really matter! as i said: we won’t get caught. – how are so calm about breaking these laws? he questioned, perplexed. for a law student, you seem so adamant to break them… – look, con. i’m not gonna force you to do this. i love you, and i understand that you have a reputation to uphold, being a detective and all. you assured him. i don’t want you to feel that i’m peer pressuring you into this. – i… i don’t.. you notice how his eyes shift, looking to the far left, unable to make  eye contact. you notice that he’s conflicted, that he wants to do this, but doesn’t. you sigh. – look, we can walk back to the bike while you think about it, and you can tell me your decision once we’re there. alright? »

he doesn’t answer, but you know he heard you, so you start to make your way back down, the android following you wordlessly. once down by your bike, you lean on it—rather similarly to how he met you earlier today—and nod at him: « so? what’s you’re decision? – this sounds like a bad idea… still disagreeing, but not outright denying it. you meant what you said: you don’t want to make him do what he doesn’t want to do, but a partner in crime doesn’t sound half bad. you huff. – connor anderson. the connor anderson himself, who snuck into jericho. the same one who infiltrated cyberlife tower in what seemed to be a suicide mission. is scared of a little trespassing? you teased. live a little! – i don’t see how me committing a crime would contributes to my satisfaction with life. – haven’t you heard? as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

the android before you was conflicted. you could tell from his yellow led, which kept flickering and spinning. the guy was seriously debating this. he’s intrigued. he wants to try it out, you just have to say the right things. problem with the rk800 models: they were much too curious for their own good.

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you seat yourself on your bike and turn back to face him: « so, are you in? a moment of silence. the android seemed to have a renewed confidence. – as a law enforcement officer, what’s stopping me from arresting you right now? his eyes held a newfound determination. you smirked lazily. – absolutely nothing. »

he swears to god, or ra9, or whatever higher power there is, that you will be the death of him.

« get off. your ordered. he followed the command without a word. – we’re gonna walk the rest of the way. you added. »

the concert venue was now at a reasonable distance away, and it was within eyeshot. however, that also meant that everything was much louder. he could now feel the boom of the loud music, and make out the lyrics.

« so i’ve stalked this place before, and i know an entry. here’s the plan: we’re gonna immediately go to the right side. the fence that side is less guarded, since there’s a ditch that leads there; we can hide in there. however there was a drone, just one, and a cctv camera—and we also need to look out for guards—alors fais gaffe1 ok? this far along and he still seemed hesitant, so you give one final push. – too late to back out now buddy. you’ll be fine though. just follow my lead and disable that camera. – wait! you glanced back at him. once inside, what do we do? – just act natural and have fun. you grinned. » and with that, you took off, making your way to the future crime scene. he sighed, still unsure on how you managed to coerce him into this, but jogged to catch up to you.

you hopped down in the ditch, connor not too far behind, and you quickly mentioned, while pointing at a sign that said “no androids allowed”: « by the way, you might want to keep that led of yours hidden. i’ve got some bobby pins if you need ‘em. you motioned to the beanie that he was currently adjusting. »

once he seemed satisfied with his changes, you asked him if he could tamper with the camera, which he swiftly disabled. you come out of your little hiding space and start climbing up the chain link fence, telling connor to keep an eye out for the security drone currently patrolling. what you forgot to tell him was the part where you were going to take it out, catching the android off guard as you throw yourself off the top part of the fence you were clinging on onto the passing drone. your swinging and flailing, combined with your weight pulling it down, caused the contraption to crash and the android—who seemed to have snapped out of his stupor—grabbed a metal pipe lying near the barrier and proceeded to smash the machine. chucking the object to the side, he went to help you up on you feet: « are you alright? – i’m fine. you looked at the metallic junk that was once a drone. we make a pretty good team, don’t you think? he looked back at the destroyed drone. – i don’t want to keep thinking about it… – destruction of property. you clicked your tongue. i’m proud of you con. you pretended to wipe a tear off your eyes. – let’s just go. he turned away , and you follow him up the fence with a chuckle. – cheer up con. you hopped over the chain. it’s okay… you’ve done worse. »

he was about to retort, when a figure seemed to head your way, and you both managed to duck out into a corner before being discovered by the flashlight. when it was clear, you snuck out of the hiding spot and proceeded to join the masses. it was different. he’s never been to a concert before. sure, he was a fan of rock, often listening to it with hank, but experiencing it live was so very different. he knew it would be loud, deafening, but he didn’t expect the surge of excitement and vivacity. it was exhilarating, a completely different world: the bright colours, the loud ambiance, the energy of the music. the android couldn’t help, but let himself get a bit excited. he was glad he decided to come though he’d never admit it to you.

you both floated around the edge of the crowd, the venue being full. it wasn’t a particularly big place, but there were quite a lot of people there, you mused out loud. must be a pretty popular band, their song being catchy enough. at some point or another, you both cheered along with the crowd (though he was much meeker in his cries), and for some reason, decided to try and wade through the people to get closer to the front—the moshpit—this time, the android seemed to play along with your plan without complaint.

he sort of wished he had now. you don’t really know when it happened, whether it was when you rummaged through the people or during a collision while moshing, lost in the intensity of the crowd—every member in state of ecstatic delirium. the beanie came off. when he realised, he quickly hid his led, which was a disturbed yellow, and notified you. you didn’t have to hear what he said to know what was happening. you quickly led him towards the “exit”, the immediate crowd—who saw the black sheep—parting like the red sea as you crossed, but as your neared the edge of the venue security finally reached and cornered you. you quickly placed yourself besides connor, sending across a relaxed body language. you discreetly grabbed his hand, and whispered « play along » which he wouldn’t have heard if he were human.

« how may we help you sir? you asked, flashing your friendliest smile. – i’m concerned about this friend of yours… his eyes glanced at your boyfriend, but you keep your eyes on him. connor was unfazed. perhaps because he trusted your ability in getting yourselves out of this mess—awww, you’re flattered—or that his model are used to high stress environment—most likely, but you certainly hope it was also because of the former. this was a darker area of the place, so it would obscure most of your features, and the band was still playing in the background—ignorant to the revelation—which would somewhat hide your voices. – what about him? curt and indignant. – androids are not allowed in this area. he pointed to the anti-android post outside the fence. the fence that led to freedom. i’m going to have to bring him in for trespass, and you for smuggling him in. androids were recognised as their own sentient species, but laws protecting them have yet to be passed: android-free zones were still legal. most places in the city removed their anti-android signs, but people from the periphery seemed more resistant to change. fuck. – oh that old thing? the led? that don’t prove nothing. you shrugged. be cool [y/n]. it’s just a temporary tattoo. motherfucker lost a bet. you thank whatever gods above that the rk800 models could somewhat control their led colour, so that his remained blue. – is that so? he turned to connor. you seemed adamant on hiding that led of yours. the asshat must have a grudge against androids, huh? You wished he’d just kick you out. make life easier for both parties. – it’s a fake tattoo. he played along. and it’s a bad one at that—i don’t want to be associated with those plastics… he grumbled. you cackled. – well, maybe you shouldn’t have lost that bet, michael. the guard in front of you grunted, displeased. he really wanted to bring in an android huh? prove something to someone? or just pure malice? you never really paid attention in psych class. – if that’s the case, since you’re both humans, i’d like to see your ticket.  »

you went rigid. clenching your jaw you planned your next course of action. you have your phone in your pocket, but there was nothing. you could surrender it, and run away as he was distracted, but he could then trace it back to you and press charges… you could fight? the both of you could easily overpower him, outrunning him wouldn’t be a problem either. but you’ll never hear the end of it if you decided to hurt someone when you had a more pacifist option, so you chose to run. it was abrupt. you were in a standoff, one party waiting for the other to make their move. and all of the sudden you make a break for it and dash off for the fence, your partner running for it too. there was a bit of a scuffle but you managed to fend him off long enough for you to scramble up the fence. the man quickly caught up and yanked your leg—alarming you—though a well placed kick from the other freed you long enough to jump off into the other side, ready to make a dash for your life as you land.

the two of you ran until you reached your bike, which was quite a distance away (thank fuck for that, at least he won’t follow you that far—unless he’s really fucking persistent), where you collapsed on the spot and panted slightly. the android himself was looking slightly weary. heavy breathing turned into wheezing laughter as the absurdity of what just transpired settled into your mind.

« i can’t believe that actually happened! you exclaimed between laughs. – we barely got out of there! he chided. we were almost arrested! – but we weren’t. told ya’ con. should’a believed me. you tsk-ed, having calmed down from the giggles. i’m insulted to be quite honest. you exploded into another fit of laughter. – i don’t know how i managed to get you to do this with me! you howled. – never again. he stated, a finality in his tone. – oh come on, you loved it. you rolled your eyes. he stared at you in silence, unimpressed. it was true, but you’ll never hear that from him. – i hate you, he frowned. – love you too babe, you responded, running a hand through your hair. »

he sighed and let himself fall beside you. taking out your backpack once more, you rummaged through and handed him an item: an inconspicuous water bottle. when asked what it was, you answered « thirium. that’s what you guys drink right? » as you opened your own water bottle, gulping down its content. he informed you that androids don’t need to constantly replenish the thirium in his body like humans did with water—only drinking them when they have lost a significant amount—but that he appreciated the gesture. “it’s the thought that counts”.

you huffed, slightly bashful, going into a tirade about how you can’t keep up with the constantly evolving technology. « you’re starting to sound like hank now. » he chuckled and you grimaced and pretended to vomit in response, though you joined him in his laughter. you both spent time sitting there. just breathing. coming down from your adrenaline rush.

« wanna crash at my place? you offered. – i’d be more than happy to, he obliged. »

that night, you both slept like a rock. well, you did. you completely conked out. connor peacefully entered stasis as he usually did. you arrived at your flat sometime in the morning and passed out. barely managing to blearily have a “shower”—dousing yourself in water—before passing out.

come later in the morning—when the light shone softly and the white noise of the city: ambient sound of traffic, chatter, chirping of pigeons—you were sleeping peacefully when you felt someone shift beside you, rousing you slightly from your slumber. you groaned as your head gains enough coherence to remember about university and the brunt of the waking world. think you’re gonna play hooky today. maybe kenneth can take notes for you… you made a note to ask him later...

unwrapping himself from you, your partner stood up to get ready to go to work—going off to change into neater clothings that he stored in your house and getting decent—and went off to prepare a pot of coffee for you and stick bread in the toaster. feeling the sudden loss of heat as he went away, your sleep heavy mind blindly felt the portion of the bed that he usually slept on—the right—patting it, looking for the missing presence. this went on for a few minutes and your limb felt heavy as your tired body fell back asleep. you resigned to simply poke your arm from under the cover, hoping it’d catch someone. you were half asleep when the reaching hand finally found something, as it was held and gently guided to another’s cheek, yet another kiss pressed on your palm. you felt your heart melt, and hummed approvingly. « stay. you mumbled. he smiled at your naïve request. – i have to go to work. – skip work… f… ight the government… you yawned. – you know i can’t do that, my love. – i… order you... you sleep riddled mind was struggling to keep up as you slowly dozed again. to… – i’ll see you again this evening, i’ll be right back. oh yeah it’s saturday, you reminded yourself. no classes. you mentally cheered. – okk… you were going to pass out again. »

his warmth left you, and you find yourself yearning for it again. before he left, he glanced back towards you—practically buried under the duvet, only visible as a lump under the blanket and the hand poking through the right side. « i love you, [y/n] »

you were too gone to reply, but regardless, he left for work with a small smile.

work went on as usual. filling reports was boring, but it had to be done. at least he could finish them in record time, built to be more efficient at it than your typical human officer. being a detective assigned to the anti-android crimes taskforce, it was rather quiet right now, and though he was grateful that androids weren’t being harmed, it was terribly boring. though colin, who had to start all the way back at the beginning as a beat cop, seemed to be enjoying a peaceful break. he sighed for the umpteenth time as he fidgeted and fiddled with his coin, having already abused the fun out of his multiple pens and pencils. he missed spending time with you; at least it was exciting and unpredictable (getting to be with you is an enjoyable bonus). he stared blankly at his coin and sighed again. his father figure gave him a look across the desk—“did anything happen?”. he shook his head.—“no nothing bad or dangerous happened while i was with [y/n].”. the android then asked if he fancied a cup of coffee from the coffee shop across the road. the old man simply grunted.

« you can just take a walk, you don’t need to use me as a fucking excuse. – alright. he answered placidly. »

the android thought about walking to stretch his legs. maybe go to that bakery that you fancied so much. you did like the strawberry shortcake a crazy amount. but as he would find out, the slow and easy moments shouldn’t be taken for granted: a very disgruntled man, who stormed in to file a police report, happened to run in with the android, still somewhat deep in his musings. oh boy was he in for a rude awakening.

they both promptly apologise, however, once they saw each other they instantly recognised each other—though the detective kept his face neutral. « you! you’re the fucking android that trespassed into a restricted area! he accused. straight faced, he replied calmly. – i am indeed an android, but i believe you may have accused the wrong one. there often many iterations of the same model. he cursed his stars and the fates that put him in this situation. one that meant he was, as hank would put it, in deep shit. »

he was glad most people didn’t know there were only 2 rk800 currently in circulation: him and his brother, colin, whom he was trying to contact. as connor continued trying to placate the angry man, and deny his involvement in anything, he heard his brother’s voice come through.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ'ˢ ᵁᴾ? ] > [ ᵀᴴᴱᴿᴱ ᴵˢ ᴬ ᴹᴬᴺ ᴼᵁᵀ ᴴᴱᴿᴱ, ᶜᴸᴱᴬᴿᴸᵞ ᵛᴱᴿᵞ ᶜᴿᴼˢˢᴱᴰ, ᵂᴴᴼ ᵂᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᵀᴼ ᶠᴵᴸᴱ ᴬ ᴾᴼᴸᴵᶜᴱ ᴿᴱᴾᴼᴿᵀ. ] he decided to give him a clear picture.

[ SENDING AUDIO-VISUAL FEED TO RK800 #313 248 317-60—COLIN ] [ LINK ESTABLISHED. WAITING PERMISSION… ] [ ACCEPTED. ]

> [ ᴬ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢ ᴼᴺ ᴾᴿᴵᵛᴬᵀᴱ ᴾᴿᴼᴾᴱᴿᵀᵞ ᴮᵞ ᴬ ᴰᴱᵛᴵᴬᴺᵀ ] there was a moment of silence before his brother replied. [ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴴᴱᴸᴸ ᴰᴵᴰ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ ᴳᴱᵀ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴸᴬˢᵀ ᴺᴵᴳᴴᵀ? ] > [ ᴵ ᴬᴾᴾᴿᴱᶜᴵᴬᵀᴱ ᴴᴼᵂ ᵞᴼᵁ ᴵᴹᴹᴱᴰᴵᴬᵀᴱᴸᵞ ᴬˢˢᵁᴹᴱᴰ ᴵᵀ ᵂᴬˢ ᵁˢ. ] connor replied, sarcastic but devoid of humour. [ ᵂᴱᴸᴸ? ᵂᴬˢ ᴵᵀ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸᵞ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ? ] the android, who somehow felt a migraine develop—even though that shouldn’t be possible—sighed. > [ ᴸᴼᴺᴳ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ ˢᴴᴼᴿᵀ, ᵂᴱ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢᴱᴰ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴬᴺ ᴬᴿᴱᴬ ᵂᵂ ˢᴴᴼᵁᴸᴰ'ᵛᴱ ᴬᵛᴼᴵᴰᴱᴰ. ] > [ˢᴱᴺᴰ ᴴᴱᴸᴾ? ] [ ᵞᴼᵁ? ᶜᴼᴹᴹᴵᵀᴱᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴿᴵᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᵛᴼᴸᴵᵀᴵᴼᴺ? ]

the android could hear his brother cackle at his misery. though outside of earshot, the sound echoes in his mind as the link was not yet severed.

[ ᴺᴬᴴ, ᵞᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᴼᴺ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᴼᴺᴱ ] [ ᴳᴼᴼᴰ ᴸᵁᶜᴷ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴ. ] [ ᴴᴬᴺᴷ'ˢ ᴳᴼᴺᴺᴬ ᴮᴱ ᴾᴵˢˢᴱᴰ ] and with that, his brother abandoned him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the man was absolutely irate, convinced that he was the one who trespassed in the venue—he wasn’t wrong—be he kept accusing someone of the same profile as him, but named “michael”. you really did him a favour on that one. it seemed like salvation had come however, as hank intercept the confrontation—the man calmed down after seeing a human officer. his brother must’ve informed the lieutenant (connor wants to thank him, but not), knowing how the appearance of two rk800s would only aggravate the situation. through a stroke of luck, the man didn’t have enough evidence to successfully file a report—against an rk800 named “michael”... who didn’t exist.

but to say that hank was pissed was an understatement. thus begins the walk of shame as hank demanded to « talk in private ». at the end of a severe tongue-lashing, decorated with many “fuck”s and “shit”s, he was in a sour mood and positively fuming. forget the shortcake. he was absolutely going to get back at you for this.

you were snoozing peacefully, off in dreamworld, when you woke up to the buzzing of your phone. groggy, you ran you hand under the pillows and felt for the object until you found it. checking it revealed that you 27 missed calls from an unknown number and a few message from them:

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

unknown number [ two missed message ]

> what the fuck did you get connor into? > ???????

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

bzz. bzz. a new message?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

unknown number [ 1 new message ]

> i know you saw the messages, fuckibg answer

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you also had a new message from connor, though his message didn’t bode well for you either:

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

connard2 anderson <3 [ 1 missed message ]

> we need to talk. > ):<

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the use of the emoji made you chuckle, but you were scared of what the future brought for you. oh boy… you were in deep shit weren’t you…

e͟p͟i͟l͟o͟g͟u͟e͟:

you lived to see another day. hank gave you an even more brutal scolding than what connor received, and you swore that if this were a shitty choice-that-matters game you’d see a metre for his friendship go down. not that there was much there in the first place.

connor gave an even more punishing sanction: he gave you the absolute silent treatment for a month. no talking, no hugs nor cuddles, and only the odd texts once in a blue moon. an absolutely miserable 31 days for you, spent by sulking. safe to say this was a punishment you’ll never forget, and one that will discourage you from ever trying that kind of stunt ever again.

or at least when connor’s around. it’s free game when it’s just you by yourself. connor knows this and simply sighs in resignation and just hopes you don’t get yourself in potentially future career ruining situation...

f͟o͟o͟t͟n͟o͟t͟e͟s

1. french expression that i was too lazy to translate, essentially means “watch out/stay alert”,,, somewhere along those lines, but informal. 2. connard is a french word pronounced almost like connor, but it means shithead. reader i have a strange sense of humour.

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[rainbow-sides]

A Hand to Hold: Chapter Seven

Summary: Patton befriends an isolated boy at his high school and soon develops feelings for him that aren’t just friendship. Navigating a relationship of any kind with Logan Barry isn’t easy, but it sure is worth it!

Pairings: romantic Logicality, possible background Prinxiety but I haven’t decided yet

Word Count: 1,739

Warnings: talk about bullying, ableism from a parent, very brief mention of Deceit, mentions of abusive therapy (implied ABA), food mention, mild spoilers for Doctor Who, anxiety, school stress,

Notes: ATTENTION I am no longer using a taglist. Instead, please follow and click notifications for the blog @rainbow-sides-fics. I’ll be reblogging all of my old fics there as well as any new ones I’ll be posting. Alternatively, A Hand to Hold is now available on AO3. Love you guys! <3 ~Martin

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six

___________________________________

“GCAT PUPY PUPY,” Virgil chanted, his palms pressed to his temples. “Guanine and adenine are purines, cytosine and thymine are pyrimidines. Right?”

Logan nodded. “Correct. Well remembered.”

“Thank God for mnemonics.” Virgil popped a chip into his mouth. “Okay. Okay. What else is on the study guide?”

“It says to understand 5’ and 3’ directionality, decoding amino acid sequencing, and be able to explain the process of DNA replication as well as translation from DNA to proteins,” Logan said, summarizing the study guide for what was probably the fourth or fifth time. Although he knew that Virgil obviously knew the material, he got anxious during tests. He had asked Logan to help study with him so he felt more prepared.

“I feel like I know all of that, but there's got to be a catch, right? I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna fail.” He started to breathe too quickly.

Chex, who had been resting on the floor next to Virgil's chair, sat up. She nudged Virgil's leg with her nose and let out a soft whine.

Virgil buried his hand in the fur on the back of the dog's neck and took a deep breath. “No, I'm probably not going to fail. I've never failed a test in this class before, and I've been doing all the work.”

“I don't believe that you will fail,” Logan agreed. He twisted the ring on his finger, not sure what else to say. 

He wanted to help Virgil, but anxiety was complicated and Logan wasn't great at complicated emotions. Logan figured it was probably best to leave that to Patton. And Chex, of course. The sweet black lab was so in tune with Virgil's anxiety that she could tell even before he started to have an attack and would remind him to redirect his energy into more productive avenues.

“Would you like to keep studying?” asked Logan. “I have vocabulary cards for the whole unit, and there is always a vocabulary section on the test.”

Virgil nodded. “Sure, vocab practice sounds good. Hey, um, thanks again for coming over to study with me. It's nice to have a friend in that class now, I'm less stressed about it.”

Logan thought that Virgil still seemed very stressed. He didn't voice that opinion. “Codon,” he said, holding up the first vocabulary card.

“Uhh, uh, it's any series of three nitrogen bases that code for a specific amino acid, right?”

“Correct. Peptide bond.”

Virgil looked up at the ceiling. “It's...uh, well, peptide is referring to proteins, so...bonds between proteins?”

“Bonds between amino acids,” Logan corrected. “Okasaki fragments.”

“Oh shit,” Virgil muttered. “Um, something about the leading strand?”

“Lagging strand. Okazaki fragments are the stretches of DNA that are copied piece by piece on the lagging strand,” said Logan. He spun the ring on his finger again. He hoped that Virgil wouldn't get worried that he wasn't getting all of the vocabulary right.

“Right! I remember now.”

“Operon.”

“Oh, hey, I know this one. A group of genes that are functionally related,” Virgil said.

“Correct. Intron.”

They kept going until all of the vocabulary cards had been discussed. Logan put aside the ones that Virgil had struggled on so he could keep looking at them later.

“Seriously, thank you so much for coming and helping me out,” Virgil said. “I feel much better about the test on Thursday.”

Logan flicked his hand up near the side of his face. “You're welcome,” he said.

“I don't think I'm going to be able to cram much more into my brain right now, I need a break. Hey, how's the Doctor Who marathon with Patton going?” Virgil wondered.

With a slight bounce in his seat, Logan replied, “We watched Boom Town this weekend! On Wednesday afternoon, he is coming to my house to watch Bad Wolf and The Parting of Ways!”

Virgil leaned forward. “Oh, man, you're already almost to Nine's regeneration? Does Patton know it's coming?”

“Yes, and he says that he will miss Eccleston, but that he's seen David Tennant in other things and is looking forward to meeting Ten,” Logan said happily. He hummed to himself for a second before adding, “I am looking forward to reaching Ten's episodes, he is my favorite modern Doctor.”

“I gotta say, I like Capaldi. He's grumpier. More my style. Though Tennant at the end of his run is cool, he gets dark and edgy.” Virgil grinned. “The new season with Jodie Whittaker was freaking fantastic, too.”

“Much agreed,” Logan said. “I appreciate having a larger group of companions again, and the diversity has improved recently.”

Virgil scratched Chex behind the ears. “Yeah, big team TARDIS's are fun. One of my favorites was at the end of Journey's End was when they were all flying the TARDIS like she's supposed to be flown.”

Logan nodded. “May I ask you a question?” he said suddenly.

“Yeah, course.”

“What does it feel like to you when you are excited about something? Such as when you are talking about or watching Doctor Who, or listening to the music you like?” Logan asked.

There was a long pause as Virgil thought about that. “It makes me happy, I guess.”

“How does it physically feel?” Logan pressed.

“Oh, jeez, I'm not sure. It almost makes me feel peaceful? Like, um, listening to my music makes my mind slow down for just a little while. My body feels more relaxed afterwards. Same with watching something I like. It's a comfort, almost.” Virgil tapped his fingers against the table. “This is a tough question, dude.”

Logan leaned back in his chair. “I apologize.”

“No, it's okay. Really, I just need to think for a minute. Um...it feels warm in my chest sometimes. I guess that's about it. Well, starting a new episode almost feels like anxiety for me. But then again, most emotions turn into anxiety for me. That's just how anxiety works,” Virgil said. Then he asked, “What does it feel like for you?”

Putting his hands on his chest, Logan says, “I'm not sure. I have alexithymia, so I have a difficult time labeling emotions. I can sometimes describe it in physical sensations, though. And my excitement about my special interests feels like my heart and my lungs and my stomach are all on fire, if being on fire felt good and didn't hurt.”

“Sounds intense.”

“It is.” Logan looked down as Chex put her head against his leg. Her sweet brown eyes blinked up at him, and a soft warmth spread through his chest. “Hello,” he said. “Hello, Chex. Your ears are very soft.” He stroked her head.

“She wants to make sure that you're okay,” Virgil said. “She...she can hear changes in people's voices and checks up on them, even if it isn't me.”

“I'm alright. I don't have excellent volume control, or tone control. I never know what I sound like, exactly.” He couldn't tear his eyes away from the beautiful dog. “But I suppose that talking about my experiences with emotion do cause me some distress, which could have emerged in my voice without my noticing.”

Virgil stood up and walked over to the living room. “Want to come sit over here, Lo?” he offered.

“Um, alright.” Logan went over to join him. Chex followed him, and all three of them sat down on the ground. “Why?”

“Why does talking about your emotions distress you?” Virgil asked.

Logan froze up. “Because they are difficult,” he said slowly. “And I do not understand them. I do not like talking to people about things I do not understand.”

“Are you worried that someone might tell you that your emotions are wrong?”

A confused, bad feeling swirled around inside him. Chex laid her head and front paws in his lap, and he felt calmer. “Perhaps, but I'm not sure that I understand the question,” Logan admitted, running his hands down the dog's fur. It was almost as soothing as a full-body stim, and the pressure of her weight against his legs added to that effect.

“I mean, do you think that someone will come along and tell you that the way you are labeling your emotions is wrong? That the words you use to describe your experiences are incorrect?” Virgil tried to clarify.

“Yes, that is what happens.” It had happened many times before. The way he tried to describe what he was feeling to his mother or to his therapists had often been misinterpreted or simply ignored because it didn't make sense. Logan had learned to keep quiet about what he was feeling.

“But you're talking to me about it, even though it...scares you?” Virgil checked. “Is that right?”

Logan shifted. “Yes.”

Virgil smiled. “I think that means you trust me. Thank you.”

“I do trust you,” Logan said. “And I have learned that you and Patton and Roman are worthy of my trust. You've never once tried to make me act normally, or made fun of me.”

“It sucks that the bar is so low,” sighed Virgil.

Logan kept petting Chex. “I don't know that that means, exactly, in this context.”

“Um, it means that I don't think that somebody not laughing at you or trying to change you into something you're not should be the bar, the threshold or limit, for whether or not you can trust them. I mean...I guess what I really mean is that it sucks that you don't get that from everyone. In a perfect world, nobody would make fun of anyone or try to change them,” Virgil explained.

“But we do not live in a perfect world,” Logan reminded him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know that very well.”

Chex whined softly and raised her head to look at Virgil. Her tail thumped a few times against the floor, and he scooted closer to put his hand on her back. He closed his eyes. Logan didn't say anything. They sat there petting Chex in silence for a while, and it was a soothing silence. Logan felt much calmer and less bad by the time his mother arrived to pick him up and take him home. 

He sat in the living room and watched Ian flutter around his plants as the afternoon trailed on. His mother chatted to him as she cleaned and prepared dinner, but he wasn't listening. He was off in his own head, trying to imagine a perfect world.

___________________________________

Sorry for the long wait and the fairly short chapter! I’m working on the next one. But also I’m going back to work next week, and school starts a couple weeks after that, so who knows when I’m going to have time to write? Ah, well. I’ll do what I can.

And hey, check out Time and Time’s Turning if you like my writing! It’s a fairy AU with eventual Royality and Analogical. Also, it has art!!!!! <3 ~Martin

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 4: From Now On

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry finally makes a promise he can keep.

Word count: 5.3k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 3: Ruby - Harry wants to be good enough, and Y/N is confused.

Wattpad link

ANNOUNCEMENT: After this chapter, I will take a two-week break to study for my finals. I'll be back on July 4 with the preview for chapter 5. Thank you so much for reading! Please vote and comment! :) - Allie.

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Harry wished he had a better reason to show up here. Any other reason, just not Y/N.

In a year, the only 'conversation' he had with Isaac was at the hospital, when Isaac said "I'm glad you're safe", and he replied, "thank you for showing up." So if he told a stranger how close they used to be, he doubted that person would believe him. Everything was his fault, and he had a lot of nerves to show up at Isaac's studio only to ask about Y/N.

But what else could he do? Many people were worried about her, himself included. She was the girl he loved, too, and he needed to make sure she was okay. She had been just fine when they met at the bookstore this morning. So as unpleasant as Harry knew this confrontation might be, he had been so eager to talk to Isaac to find out why.

Sadly, the feeling wasn't mutual.

Isaac walked toward him. No, he walked toward the door behind him, actually. His serene blue eyes were ice cold as he switched off the last light in the room, making it obvious that he wanted no guest. With a flat but cautionary tone, he said, "we can talk tomorrow. I'm getting ready to leave."

Harry didn't let him through, he took a large stride to stand in Isaac's way, trying his best to remain calm as he muttered, "it's about Y/N."

Isaac scoffed, shaking his head. "Of course it is."

"No, you don't get it—"

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about Ruby? One at a time, mate."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked when Isaac pushed right past him. The tension was obvious but Harry should've seen this coming. He knew better than anyone the consequences of silence. Silence turned to suppressed emotions which turned to anger, so here he was, dealing with what he had started in the first place.

"It means what it means," Isaac said through gritted teeth. He had never used violence in his life, but his words right now weren't different from a powerful punch. "Since you and Ruby are back together now, you should worry about her instead of following Y/N everywhere she goes."

Harry remained as still and pallid as a corpse, unresponsive to his best friend's attack. He wasn't usually good at tolerance, Isaac was. But right now, the situation had changed them both. Harry sucked in a breath, ignoring the mean accusation, because what Isaac thought of him didn't matter anymore.

"Nobody knows where she is," he blurted, stopping the other man the second he attempted to walk away. "Her father called me earlier. They were supposed to meet up at 5 PM but she didn't show up. He couldn't reach her nor you, so he called me. I already came to the bookstore but Alice said she'd already left. That's why I'm here, I just want to make sure she's okay."

The reaction Harry received wasn't one he wanted to see. He had assumed Isaac must've known where Y/N was. She was his girlfriend after all. So why was he giving Harry this look, as if he was just as clueless as everyone else?

"I-I left my phone at home..." Isaac stuttered as he shook his head. "Have you gone to her place?"

"Yeah, but she wasn't there," Harry uttered. "You haven't spoken to her?"

Isaac let out a controlled breath, as if the words he wanted to say were still circulating his mind, not yet ready to flow outward. Harry wished he could fill up this grim silence with just anything, but he knew better than to speak up. And so he waited for an answer, one he couldn't have seen coming.

"We broke up."

Isaac made it sound like no big deal, but Harry knew those words weren't as easy as they sounded, which left him perplexed. At first, he'd assumed Y/N was the one who had called it quit. She had always been afraid of commitment and people leaving her, so she might've freaked out and walked away.

But then Isaac added, "when I spoke to her...she didn't take it very well." And now Harry could figure out the reason why.

"Is it because of me?" His voice trembled as he pointed a finger to himself, and the look on his best friend's face was already the answer. "Are you insane? You broke up with her because of me? Nothing is going on between us, mate! She was just looking out for me as a friend and she was clearly happy with you! Y/N hasn't been happy for so long, you can't just take it away from her by leaving her like that!"

"You think I wanted to?"

"Then why did you?!" Harry never wanted to raise his voice, but his bad temper had taken over him. It was only until he saw Isaac's startled expression, that he took a deep breath to calm himself down, and try to think of all the places Y/N would go to when she was sad.

"There's this bar..." he spoke after a while. "Shit, I forgot what it's called, but...I can show you the way, maybe you'll find her there."

"I won't go."

That simple answer caused Harry to widen his eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me? Go, she's your girl!"

"She's not my girl," Isaac calmly said. "She's never been."

Harry was totally stunned as words bounced around inside his skull, yet they couldn't form a proper response to that statement. And so he stood there, gawking at Isaac until came a question that hit him just as hard. "You love her, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" He released a breathy laugh, though the voice in his head said 'yes' without pause. Isaac wasn't a mind reader, he was just a good friend who knew Harry from inside out. Taking a deep breath, he gave a sad crooked smile to hide the fact that he was distressed, and eventually spoke, "then why are you torturing yourself by being with Ruby?"

"I...I'm not...I'm not with Ruby." Harry shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes shifted to the side to avoid Isaac's piercing stare. "I just...want Y/N to be happy and she's obviously happier with you. I'm fine with just being there for her though."

"You know that she's not happier with me." Isaac slowly shook his head, watching the smile slip from Harry's face. "She loves you...She always has. I guess the three of us wanted to believe otherwise, to make everything less complicated. But we're only making it worse, because we've been lying to ourselves, and to each other."

"Isaac..." Harry trembled. His stomach shifted uneasily, and he noticed his fingers had gathered into fists, resting firmly by his sides. It wasn't hard to apologize, but it would be hard if the apology wasn't accepted. But if he continued to hold it back, he might lose this friendship forever.

Taking in a deep breath, he broke the silence, "I'm sorry. I know I've done so many selfish things that ruined our friendship. But...I missed you. I wish we could be friends again, though I can only expect you to forgive me and leave everything behind us."

Isaac rolled his eyes and released a snort which made Harry's heart pound harder in his chest. "So that's a no?" He asked quietly.

To his surprise, Isaac shook his head. "You need to stop being friends to be friends again, H."

That sentence was all it took for a slow smile to spread over Harry's gaunt features. His happiness was so contagious that Isaac had to break into a grin as well. Sighing, he told Harry, "I was angry at you for so many things, yeah. But no matter how fucked up you are sometimes, you're still a brother to me."

"Thank you," Harry muttered, feeling all the tension pouring out of his chest when his best friend stepped forward to pat him on the arm.

"Now go," Isaac said, his face turned serious again. "Before she does something crazy or stupid. We both know how she is."

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Harry had only been to this bar twice; the first time was to pick up Y/N, because she had passed out on the counter; then for their first unofficial date, she took him there again. She had mentioned that it was one of her go-to places when life turned to shit. So he took a wild guess that she was there tonight.

It had been a year, but he still remembered the other route through an alley which she had shown him before. He couldn't risk being seen going to some bar to pick up a drunk girl, not while his movie was being promoted, and his drama with Ruby hadn't cooled down yet.

Parking his car on the side of the street, he walked on his own along the cobbled road sandwiched between abandoned buildings on the sides. If Jeff knew he was walking around London instead of staying at home for his wounds to heal, he would get in so much trouble. But right now he was too scared to pay attention to the pain. The echoes of his footsteps made it seem like somebody was following him, like one of those movie scenes that made him hold his breath and cover his eyes. Y/N wasn't afraid of the dark corners of the city, but he did. Now he began to wonder how he had walked this path the first time without fear. Maybe it was her presence by his side that had made him feel safe. He hurried his feet to go faster, until he saw the yellow beams of the only lamppost ahead, and sighed in relief. He'd made it.

He pushed the metal door open, the feeling of panic rose in his chest. The loud music made his skin tingle as he slipped through the crowd, trying to look for a familiar face. The thought of her pressing against warm bodies and being touched by strange men made his blood boil, but thank God, she wasn't on the dance floor. As he struggled to make it to the bar, he found her sitting there with a bottle in her hand, slurring senseless words to Andrew the bartender, who wasn't even listening. Stepping closer, he reached out to touch her arm.

"Bambi, hey..."

She pushed him away immediately. Her head snapped back and her eyebrows creased when she finally recognized him. This time she didn't flinch as he placed both hands on her shoulders, so he crouched down to meet her gaze.

"Let's go home, yeah? Go home with me."

Y/N thought for a moment, but right before she could speak, the bartender interrupted her.

"Here you are, Harry," he said.

"You remember my name?" Harry asked, making Andrew chuckle.

"Your girlfriend has been rambling on about you for three hours. You two need to sort your shit out, I can't have her here every time you fight."

"More, Andrew, more!" Y/N shouted, slamming her fist on the counter.

Harry used all the patience he had left to shake his head, and try to talk some senses into her. "You've had enough, kid. I'm taking you home."

"I'm not going home...not with you..." She scrunched up her nose, stabbing a finger at him. "You ruined everything. I was happy...and now you're here...and I'm not happy. And everything...everything is your fault!"

Harry exchanged looks with Andrew, who quickly turned to the other guests, as he wanted nothing to do with this problematic couple. Y/N picked up her beer again. This time, Harry snatched it from her and put it down where she couldn't reach, causing her to frown.

"Go home to your girl. Leave me the fuck alone," she grumbled. That little attitude was driving him insane and he couldn't take it anymore. He grasped her face, forcing her eyes back on him so she knew he was serious.

"My girl is here, and she's making me so fucking angry by acting like a brat." His jaw clenched when she shot him a glare. "I swear to God I'll carry your drunk ass to the car if I must."

"Please do," he heard Andrew say but ignored because his mind was racing with plans. He was trying to figure out how he would carry her out of here with his injured knee. Fortunately, he didn't have to. Y/N got up on her own, nearly slumping onto the floor but regaining her balance just in time. With a sigh of relief and a hand on her waist, he guided her towards the back entrance.

"Andrew! That girl didn't pay!" A waitress shouted once the troublesome pair had left. But Andrew didn't even care. He gave her a shrug, raising his eyebrows. "I would've paid her to leave."

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The moment they stepped out of the bar, Y/N immediately turned into a different version of herself. Before, she had refused to let him touch her, not even to keep her from falling down or walking into a wall. But now she was all over him. She rested her forehead against his chest and draped her arms around his lower body, snuggling into his side like a nice little kitten. His clothes were also soaked in the harsh scent of drink. Still, he held onto her body, knowing if he let go she would collapse. She was struggling to keep her balance. If she was sober enough to get a joke, he would tell her she looked exactly like Bambi now, with her legs swaying from left to right.

"You're a pain in the ass." He chuckled when she lifted her face to inhale his scent, the tip of her nose brushing against his jaw.

"You smell good," she commented with a smile and her eyes snapped shut. He didn't know if she was aware of herself saying it, but he quietly thanked her anyway.

As they kept on walking, Y/N began to hum a silly song from a commercial which she didn't even remember the lyrics, so she went "la la la" for the second half, causing him to burst out laughing. But then, she stopped walking immediately. As she slipped right out of his embrace, Harry halted and turned around, still holding her hand firmly for fear that she might fall.

"This...this is where we kissed..." She whispered to him with a little smile that made his heart leap. He looked at the brick wall on his right, taking a deep breath as his heart slowed down.

He nodded. "Yeah, it is."

She kept staring at that wall while his eyes were fixed on her. Both of them were reminiscing about the passionate moment they had shared right in this spot, and their first time in his car. He remembered everything as if it was yesterday. The noises she had made, the touch of her hands, the way her body had felt against his, her kisses, the look in her eyes. That was the night which had changed everything for them. He would give anything to go back.

"Let's stay here," she broke the silence, now holding his right hand with both of hers, squeezing it tightly as she closed the distance between them. 

"Let's stay here, we can be happy here," she repeated the same thought he'd had just a couple of seconds ago. If they could freeze space and time, he would agree and stay here with her for as long as she wanted. But now she was drunk, and he couldn't risk her safety by standing here for too long. Shaking his head, he withdrew his hands from her grip and took a step to hold her face.

"We need to go home, love."

She refused, pulling him back when he intended to pull her along.

"Don't go."

Harry thought he had misheard something. He was only gawking at her until she said it again. This time, her voice broke, and she choked on the words. "Don't go, please...If we leave this place, you're going back to her...I...I don't want you to...Please stay with me..."

Those were the things Y/N would never say when she was sober. Her pride would never let her fall into such a vulnerable state, that she had to admit she was scared and insecure. When they were children, she would get mad every time he called her short, or skinny, or weak. She always wanted to believe she was big and strong and capable of everything. But now she let it all go to tell him she was actually afraid, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of losing him. And he blamed himself for making her feel this way.

"I'm not going anywhere, love." He moved closer so their lips were only two inches apart, his thumbs caressing her cheeks slowly. "I'm gonna stay with you, alright?"

"Why should I trust you this time?"

"Because I love you."

She sniffled, her eyelids drooped as her lower lip quivered. From the way she was gazing at him, it was hard to tell if she was sensible enough to remember this in the morning. But Harry couldn't hold it back anymore. He'd been dying to tell her, and he must, or else his chest might explode.

"I love you so much," he mumbled, his voice was breathy and gruff. "I'm gonna love you for as long as you want me to, yeah? From now on, you're my one and only, there's never gonna be anyone else."

She looked at him with her Bambi eyes, and he expected her to say something as her lips parted. But her face was white, and dripping sweat, and tears. Before Harry could react, she lurched forward. The foul-smelling liquid was sprayed all over his favorite Gucci shoes, freezing him to the spot.

His entire body stiffened for a second as she kept on throwing up. So all he could do was rub his hand up and down her back, until she finished and stumbled back into his arms. Now she was clearly unaware of what was happening.

"Alright." Harry sucked in a breath. "Guess we're going back to my place."

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Y/N opened her eyes to the dimly lit room, not sure if it was day or night as the drapes were so thick it completely prevented natural light from sneaking in. Her throat was burning, but instead of getting up to get some water, she wrapped herself in the soft duvet and curled up on her side. Her head hurt like someone was hammering her skull, and she was trying so hard not to fall back to sleep again.

But then, her eyes shot open. This scent. Fuck. She pulled her face out of the pillow and finally looked around the room. No, no, no, no. This cannot be real. This is Harry's room. I'm in his room!

She propped herself up, blinking rapidly for the dizziness to go away, and sliding out of bed as fast as she could. Her clothes were nowhere to be found. Instead, she was wearing one of his big white t-shirts with only her panties underneath. The last memory she had of last night was her throwing up all over the place. And so she cursed under her breath and prayed that she hadn't done anything foolish, like having sex with Harry and not remembering anything now. Despite her aching feet, Y/N headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Just like she had guessed, Harry was already up, and he was making breakfast.

"Morning," he said with a smile when she walked in.

Y/N knew she shouldn't be so straightforward, considering how awkward this situation was already. But as she was barely awake, her mouth was quicker than her brain.

"Did we have sex?" The question slipped out before she could stop herself. And now she could feel her cheeks burning up as he gave her a funny look.

"No." He chuckled, resting his weight against the table as he told her how he had found her in that bar. He said he'd come to see Isaac, and so she guessed he knew about their breakup already. He was polite and didn't mention it. She hoped he didn't know he was the reason.

"...I couldn't let you sleep in your dirty clothes so I gave you a bath and—"

"You gave me a bath?" Her face scrunched up in shock, causing his smile to expand.

"You smelled like sweat and vomit, Bambi. I didn't have a choice." He rolled his eyes, handing her a glass of water. "Don't worry, I didn't do anything to you. I put you in the tub and literally sprayed water on you like I always do to my mother's cat."

Though mad at him, Y/N couldn't stop smiling at the joke. She tilted her head back and quickly gulped down the water as if she'd been thirsty for years. When she finished and put the empty glass on the marble counter, she ignored his bulging eyes and carefully glanced around the kitchen.

"Where are my clothes?"

"In the dryer," Harry said, the corners of his lips turned up. "I'll go get them for you."

He walked right past her, and she didn't spare him a single look. All she could think about right now was the questions she should ask when he returned. Or should she pretend like nothing was wrong, and leave as soon as she got her stuff back? She wanted to leave. Not because she hated being around him, but because she didn't trust herself with him. One look in his green eyes and she would grow too attached that she could never walk away.

Y/N couldn't remember much of last night, but what she remembered was what she couldn't ignore. Until now she still wasn't sure if those were solid memories, or ones her mind had created under the influence of alcohol. Harry would know the answer, because he had been with her the whole night. But the problem was that, she was too afraid to ask for the truth. She stood there for a moment, pondering while fidgeting with his shirt. Eventually, she made up her mind and walked back to the living room, just in time Harry returned downstairs.

"Here...I couldn't get the stain out of your sweater, but let's hope nobody notices..." He chuckled nervously and handed the folded clothes to her. She took them, muttering a soft "thank you" when the only thing in her mind right now was, fuck, I'm gonna walk out of here smelling just like him.

"Are you staying for breakfast?" His voice pulled her out of her own thoughts. She looked up, about to decline, but his caring gaze caused her knees to go numb in an instant. All of her pent-up emotions turned into butterflies, and now they were going insane in her stomach. She feared that if she opened her mouth, they might burst right out of her body. She needed to take a deep breath, and calm down.

"Last night..." Y/N spoke, not noticing that she was holding his wrist now. "We were in the alley, right?"

Harry nodded, releasing a breathy "yes" that showed how anxious he was, but his eyes never left hers. Her grip tightened when she swallowed hard, to get rid of that uncomfortable lump in her throat so she could go on.

"And I remember you saying a few things...I don't remember exactly...but...I just..." She let out a shaky chuckle just for the sake of lightening up the mood. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't finish that sentence. Shaking her head fast, her eyes darted away from his. "Never mind. It's silly..."

As she let go of Harry's wrist, his fingers grasped hers instantly. She flinched in surprise as anticipation filled her lungs, almost leaving her breathless. He took the clothes from her and laid them down on the couch. Then, came the words she thought she had only heard in a dream.

"I love you."

Y/N's face was white as chalk. Her eyes and her mouth were wide open, and although she was staring straight at him, she appeared not to notice him at all. Ever since she was nine, she had envisioned this scene many times before, but now that it was happening for real, she didn't know what to do, or what to say.

Harry disregarded her reaction, as he stepped forward and brought her shaky hand to his chest, placing it right where his heart was. "I love you," he repeated as if she hadn't heard it loud and clear the first time. "That's what I said last night, you didn't hear it wrong."

So the second time then. He's said it three times.

Y/N had no idea why she was counting, but she needed to stay sane while the voices in her head were going insane. Harry, on the other hand, looked as relaxed as ever. He was nervous too, but he seemed certain, like he had thought it over so many times before to not mess it up.

"Told you I loved you and you threw up right afterward, so to be honest, I was a bit offended," he joked to lighten up the mood, but she was too shocked to laugh along with him.

"Anyway..." He awkwardly cleared his throat and furrowed his eyebrows again. "I know...I should've said these words when you wanted to hear them the most. It's late now, a year late, or maybe more. But I love you, only you. And I'm never leaving you again, I promise."

Y/N drew a sharp breath, and withdrew her hand when Harry had finished. Her expression dulled for a moment until she heard him whisper, "please say something."

"What do you expect me to say?" She spoke at last. But instead of being offended by that disappointing response, Harry cracked a gentle smile.

"Anything," he told her.

Y/N swallowed, finally releasing the hem of his shirt she was wearing, but unsure where else to put her hands, so she tucked them under her arms, almost hugging herself. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. A second ago she was overjoyed, and now she was filled with anxiety.

"I...uhm...I need time to think..." She admitted, glancing back up to catch his eyes. "Can I...have time to think?"

"Take all the time you want, just don't disappear on me again." He frowned, cupping her face. His touch was soft yet it made her entire body tense. Eventually, she stopped fighting herself, and relaxed with the comfort of his presence, by nodding her head. He caressed her cheeks, running his thumb down to her lips which were slightly parted, as if expecting something.

"I'm not telling you I love you to hear you say it back," he whispered. "I just want you to know that I'll do anything for a second chance. You can think about it, and tell me when you've made up your mind. Is that alright?"

It was definitely alright. But the problem was, Y/N had so many questions right now. She knew Harry would never hurt her on purpose. So if he wasn't sure about his feelings for her, he wouldn't have said he loved her, repeatedly. But what about Ruby? Why was she here the other day? Also, how and when had he realized he loved her? There were so many questions that she wanted to ask, yet she was panicking and her mind was a mess. She needed to be alone so she could think this through.

"I don't think I can stay for breakfast...I'm late for work," she said but didn't move, because she loved the way he was stroking her hair.

Smiling, Harry gave her a nod. "Okay. Want me to drive you?"

"No, thanks."

She took a step backward to free herself from him and picked up her clothes to head out.

"Bambi!" He stopped her before she reached the front door, trying to contain his laughter when he saw how clueless she was. "At least put your clothes on, kid."

Her face reddened as she wrapped both arms around herself to hide her nipples from showing through the thin fabric, as if he hadn't seen her naked already. She could imagine the smirk on his face as she walked past him to go change. And fuck, she just wanted to disappear.

"That's the kitchen."

Goddamn it!

"I know that!" She shouted back, steering ninety degrees to the left, before she humiliated herself by walking straight into his kitchen. She had officially lost her mind, and it was only eight in the morning.

Soon she was on the bus to work, but he was still everywhere, on her body, in her head, in her heart. Her clothes smelled exactly like him, which was only making harder for her to resist thinking about him again. She might actually fall sick with her stomach contracting and her heart beating this intensely.

Leaning back, Y/N stared out of the window on the side, watching the buildings rushing backward, to keep her mind from analyzing everything he'd said before. That was what she'd promised him though, that she would think about it, and give him an answer. But the problem was, she didn't know where to begin. 

The sound of her ringtone caught her attention. Quickly, she pulled out her phone and saw her father calling, as expected.

"Hey, dad," she spoke right when he first said hello. "I'm sorry for not showing up yesterday, I—"

"It's okay, darling. Harry told me you were too sick to get out of bed. Are you feeling better now?"

"Y-Yeah...I'm feeling much better." She scoffed, silently thanking Harry for not exposing her crazy ass to Bradford. But she didn't know what he had said specifically to elaborate the lie, so she thought changing the subject might be a better idea. "Are you still in London? How's aunt Lynn?"

Bradford had been in the city for a day to visit her mother's sister, who had recently bought a new flat here. They were supposed to go together, but Y/N was in a bad mood and forgot. She didn't feel bad about it though, she'd never liked Lynn anyway.

"No, I'm already home. Your aunt was nice, but...her cooking gave me a stomachache."

Y/N chuckled slightly, shaking her head. "Well, now you get why I'd rather let Harry babysit me than her."

"Speaking of Harry," Bradford began, making his daughter instantly regret mentioning that name. "Lynn thought you two were dating because she saw him at my wedding. Did you know he was there?"

Y/N was still as a statue for a whole second. "N-No," she faltered, her eyebrows knitted together as she subconsciously pinched her own arm. "Did she mistake him for someone else?"

"No, she even talked to him. She told him you were with Isaac, so he came to the backyard to find you."

Her mouth opened and shut like a goldfish but no sound escaped. She stared blankly ahead despite her father asking if she was still listening. Only when the driver blew the horn did she snap out of it, and rose from her seat as the bus pulled in.

"I gotta go now. Call you later?"

"Sure, darling. Love you!"

"Love you, too."

As always, Y/N got off last, hurrying just wasn't her thing. She inhaled the fresh morning air, and blended into the crowd flowing down the wide avenue. Normally she would pay attention to her surroundings, so she wouldn't bump into those angry businessmen who were running late. But right now, her eyes were glued to her phone and her mind was going as fast as her feet.

As soon as she reached the first intersection and the crossing signal went off, she stopped, and sent the message she'd typed down to Harry.

[kariachi]

So I sat down and wrote some horror story.

Warning: Major dead animal content

~~

A few years back I lived smack dab in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere, New York. A ‘cropfields on three sides and an alpaca farm on the fourth’ sort’ve rural place that I’d decided to move to due to a love of the countryside, isolation, and fresh venison. I was renting an old whitewashed farmhouse, easily a hundred years old if it was a day, with a garage that had once been a barn and a dilapidated old pumphouse making the backyard pleasantly hazardous to walk through. It was a nice enough place, and aside from the shit I experienced there, I really did love it.

I’d been living there about a week when I headed out to my car one morning to head to work and found a dead bird laying on the lawn, right there on the grass a few feet from the walk. I always leave myself plenty of time when I go out, so, being a nature lover and armchair biologist, I grabbed a stick and went to investigate. It was a little goldfinch and from my poking and prodding it seemed fresh, and didn’t look like there was anything wrong with it, no injuries or anything. Almost like it had just, fallen dead from the sky and happened to land there only a short while before. Still, this isn’t too odd of a find and so I just shrugged and headed off to work. While there I decided I’d leave the goldfinch where it’d landed, to see how long it took for some other piece of wildlife to carry it off.

Since I’d lost my sense of smell in an accident years prior, and I didn’t know anyone I’d want to invite over anyway, I wasn’t too worried about the risk of it rotting right there. Turns out this was a good thing, as nothing even touched it. I’d check every morning and it was pretty much exactly like I’d found it. It even took a few days to see signs of ants, and you couldn’t drop a chicken nugget around there without immediately having to surrender it to the horde for your own safety. That Saturday though, I realized I was going to have to move it. The yard needed mowing and it was right in the way. So I moved it to the base of a nearby tree, where I could still go check it but it wasn’t in the way, and set to work with the mower.

When I turned the corner around the back of the garage, there was another bird there. A grackle, in the same condition as the goldfinch- fresh, no injuries, seemingly having just dropped out the sky. It felt kinda weird, seeing it. It shouldn’t have, it was just a dead bird, but finding it so soon after finding the goldfinch, in the same condition, it got my hackles up. Still, it was just a dead bird, so I went and got the shovel out again, moving it up against the garage wall so any passing scavengers could get it, and went back to mowing.

Tuesday morning, I looked out my bathroom window and saw a sparrow dead on the grass, in the same condition as the last two.

I called animal control. It seems like an overreaction, I know, but something didn’t feel right about all this, and three is a pattern, especially when it takes place over a week. Besides, the grackle and goldfinch were still practically untouched, and I was beginning to worry that maybe there was some disease going through the bird population, or my neighbors were inadvertently poisoning them. Either way, it seemed something that should be looked into, just in case.

They sent somebody out who listened to my story and collected the birds for testing, though they said it was probably nothing. Ingestion of cat saliva, they explained, could kill a small animal even if the cat itself didn’t manage to hurt them, and it was probably just that there was one around with an affinity for birds. I was instructed to keep an eye out for any strays and to call back if I saw one or found any more dead birds. At that point they’d set up a live trap, hopefully catch the cat and find it a good, indoor home.

I was grateful for the reassurance, even though the explanation didn’t sit quite right with me. Something just felt off about the whole thing. Still, with expert testimony available I chalked the weird feeling up to too many horror stories, vowed to invest in some new books, and went back on with life.

That Saturday I ended up making another dead bird call (another grackle), and from then on finding dead animals became my new not-normal.

It went on for months. A few times a week I would go out in the morning and find a dead animal, then every couple of days, then every day. Not just birds either. I started finding dead mice and squirrels, snakes and turtles, and even larger things. At one point I had to call my neighbor in, because one of his alpacas seemed to have jumped the fence onto my property and then just, keeled over where she landed. I had to start taking just taking notes as to where and when I found them and call it in once a week. And they didn’t just stick to the yard. A dead turtle under my truck. Dead cat on my garage (guess it wasn’t him). I once stepped out for my morning check to find a fox on the front step that couldn’t have died five minutes before I opened the door. Worse, they were never able to figure out a cause of death for anything. All of these animals were in as perfectly healthy as you could expect for their circumstances, the alpaca had been seen by a vet only a few days before. It was like they just, came to my property and stopped breathing for no reason.

All this time I’d been hearing noises in the walls of the house. Really, I’d been hearing them since the day I moved in, but I hadn’t thought anything of it. An old, rural house is going to have things in the walls. Squirrels, bats, mice. Pest control and I couldn’t see where they might be getting in, but that doesn’t really mean anything, it’s easy to miss little holes that you’d swear later nothing should’ve been able to get through. As time went on though, and all these animals turned up dead, I started getting uneasy about the noises in the wall. I started getting angry at them. Kicking them when the noises got to be too much, yelling at whatever was in there that they could get out or start paying rent, things like that.

I distinctly remember, one night, hearing scuffling behind my headboard, and calling out “Are you quite done?! Some of us are trying to sleep!” And I swear to you I heard some sort’ve thin, muffled laughter. I told myself it was just my exhaustion, the sounds of an old house, and weird acoustics that tricked my brain into thinking it heard a laugh- it was, probably just a bat falling down the wall or something- but I still slept in the living room for a few days afterwards.

Late fall was finally my limit, six months after everything started. I woke up one morning and my bedroom was sweltering. The temperature outside had been consistently in the forties and I hadn’t yet gotten space heaters for the upstairs, waiting on that next paycheck, but I’d swear it felt like it was in the eighties. I kicked off the covers, flipped my pillow, and tried to ignore my alarm and go back to sleep, but to no avail. Sat up, threw my feet over the edge of the bed, looked over for my slippers and

And there were dead animals on my floor. Not just one my floor, they’d been placed there, in a neat little row, a semicircle around my bed. All mammals too, I’m not sure why that spooked me more than if it’d have been an assortment, but it did. Mice, moles, squirrels, baby rabbits. Baby rabbits. In fall.

With a forced calm of someone fighting a freeze response I put on my slippers, grabbed my cell, went downstairs, grabbed my keys, and beelined for my truck at a fast march. I got in, locked the doors, and drove down the road to my neighbor’s house where I called the police and animal control- in that order- from his driveway.

I refused to go back to the house, so one of the cops drove out there to question me. I told her the whole story, with verification from animal control, and the police gathered up the animals in my room as evidence, along with the ones animal control had already grabbed. The best theory they could come up with, given the sheer levels of distress I was very obviously in, was that somebody had been stalking me, someone that somehow had a key to my house and was doing all this just to fuck with me. My landlord was the prime suspect, even after she changed the locks at her own expense and comped me that last awful month’s rent. She even let me out of my contract early, wholly understanding my straight-up refusal to return to that property, or even drive passed it.

I stayed with my neighbor until I could find another place, and the community banded together to pay for movers to come in, pack my stuff, and take it all to my new house. The movers even, upon hearing the story, vowed they’d make sure there wasn’t a single dead animal among my stuff and even unpacked it all for me to be sure. They were all wonderful, the new house is wonderful, and I haven’t had any strange experiences since that morning. I’ve been living the nice, peaceful life in the country that I’d craved from the beginning to this day.

There was, one last thing though. A few months after I was settled in my new home, the animal control officer I’d worked with throughout the ordeal called me with some news. My landlord had gone by the house to see if it would be worth opening it up to a new tenant, or if she should just find something else to do with the land, and noticed nobody had done anything about the large, whole pumpkins I’d set on my porch as Halloween decorations. They were starting to really rot, so she’d shoved them off into the front garden. All three had splattered upon impact with the ground, and inside the largest?

Had been a dead baby deer.

[pointedly-foolish]

[ í'm вαd вєhαvíσur вut í dσ ít ín thє вєѕt wαч ]

word count: 6320

pairing: connor | rk800/gender-neutral!reader

genre: fluff; kinda crack treated seriously

summary: « as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

the android before you was conflicted. you could tell from his yellow led, which kept flickering and spinning. the guy was seriously debating this. he’s intrigued. he wants to try it out, you just have to egg him on.

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you’re sure you had a harder time persuading others compared to this detective model android...

a/n: the time has come. i have inspiration. i have motivation. i managed to unblock myself. i think it’s because of stress? i couldn’t write because of stress lmfao or maybe it’s cuz of that oc x canon snippet i did idk.

both.

and uh, the story went out of hand and evolved by itself.

ping. a small popup in the top right corner of his hud caught his attention as he rearranged his folders, neatly putting them in his bag.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ 1 ᴺᴱᵂ ᴹᴱˢˢᴬᴳᴱ: Love ]

> hey im outside waiting for u xx Noted. <

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

he quickly replied and picked up the pace, securing his beanie and wrapping his scarf. grabbing his bag, he excused himself: « see you tomorrow, lieutenant. – wait! connor! the younger man stopped in his tracks, and turned to face the lieutenant. – just… you know how i feel about [ y/n ]... the android patiently waited for him to elaborate. – if you don’t feel comfortable doing what they want you to do, just... know that you don’t have to. he instructed. and if they force you, or hu— – hank. he gently interrupted. the older man stopped his tirade, a mix of emotions on his face: surprise. concern. annoyance. mostly concern. – hank, he restarted. i’ll be fine. he reassured him. i know you don’t trust them, and i can’t force you to, but have a little faith. “in me” in that last sentence unspoken. – i… fuck, i know… but- he grumbled. just, if you don’t feel safe, call me. ok? – of course. he answered. »

before stepping out of the building, the android looked back at his father figure, « take care, see you in the morning. », he did a small wave and threw his best pacifying smile. acute scans heard the older man’s resigned sigh and the twinkle of lingering concern in his features.

once out of the building, his sensors noted the drastic drop in temperature, the warmth and ambient brightness of within was replaced by the cold and windy dullness. it was a rather chilly night, clocking in at 14 degrees celsius, wind blowing rather harshly. wrapping his coat tighter around himself, he heads for where you normally park: take a right from the precinct, a few blocks away. when he reached you, you were leaning on your motorbike, preoccupied with something on your phone, and only noticing the android through his footsteps. looking up, you smirked, and stuffed your mobile into your pocket: « glad to see that they freed you, you said, flicking a cigarette butt away. – yes… i hope i didn’t make you wait too long? he greeted back. – nah, it’s fine. »

you chucked the spare helmet you brought towards him—which he caught effortlessly—« come on, i wanna show you something. »

the ride to the destination was uneventful: it was the usual fare. you sped through the traffic, weaving through the different vehicles at a speed connor was sure was much over the speed limit (he has since given up on informing you as you seemed to ignore him, not keen on slowing down anytime soon).

this location seemed to be some distance outside of the city, as the street grew narrower and darker. the sounds of other vehicles no longer accompanying them. all he could hear was the air that you were blazing through and the humming of the motorcycle underneath you. the cold wind blew from the direction you were heading, and he could feel the rush of air against his body, a sensation that, he figured, would feel chilly and unpleasant if he could “feel” cold. still, he instinctively clung tighter to your body to preserve body heat. he watched the scenery change, sights buzzing by; the dark sky grew clearer and clearer, until a few bright stars were visible unlike back in the heart of the city.

the motorcycle slowed down to a halt, and he dismounted the vehicle. « here we are, you struck out a hand to dramatically gesture at the building. my usual haunt. »—the android squinted as he scrutinised the place, but before he could get a good look, his sight abruptly turned to black, his eyes not yet caught up with the sudden change in lighting. it was as if someone turned off the light switch, the world suddenly plunged into darkness. and apparently somebody did: you finally joined him after turning off the bike, killing the only light source. nudging him to alert him of your presence, you pulled out a flashlight from your bag and flicked it on, illuminating the area once more. you headed towards the building, and twirled to face him. « tada! my happy place, where i usually come to relax after weeks of finals. you announced pridefully. »

[ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵᴺᴳ ]

he regarded the place apprehensively. to say that it was what he expected it to be would be lie: what he expected to be a warm and rustic cottage, one that exudes cosiness, turned out to be the old remains of an unfinished construction, merely the skeleton of what would be commonhold. it was dark and dreary, shadows covering the empty spaces and the walls. some of the surface were left unfinished, making the “building” perforated, cold and unfriendly. brutal, even. It was clearly dirty, not taken care of, with rubble littering the floors. he analysed the building and was concerned over its structural integrity. it didn’t seem that stable… surely you wouldn’t…?

you noticed your boyfriend’s souring impression and quickly tried to redeem the monument in his eyes: « that look on you face… you hate this... don’t you? you winced. your question caught him off guard, causing him to fumble for a recovery. – i-uh… no! it… has a unique charm. – you’re allowed to be honest, you know? you sighed. – it’s … certainly not what i had in mind, he winced. you bit your lip in a nervous smile. it’s far from prim and proper for straight laced connor, but you hope that this doesn’t end in a disastrous date. – give it a chance, let me show you up there… you’ll love it! you grinned, trying to lighten the mood. »

entering the structure almost felt like entering a different reality: the white noises of the outside world, the hooting of owls, the chirping and buzzing of insects and the howl of the wind were dampened as soon as he followed you in. it was a different realm, where shade crawled about and reigned, the silence deafening and oppressive. « mind the step. you alerted him. » the murk did not deter you one bit, and, knowing the layout of the structure by heart, you led him through different twist and turns, avoiding what he deduced would be multiple deadends. only the light of the flashlight illuminating the way. he followed you obediently, not straying too far away from you, at the risk of becoming lost in this labyrinth. he observed the environment, perturbed. the area contained so many potential hazards, and the thought that you frequented this place often distressed him slightly: though he did not doubt your ability to take care of yourself, he didn’t like the idea that you could’ve potentially hurt yourself every time you went here. he snapped out of his musing millimetres away from colliding with you and directed his attention to what you were currently preoccupied by: a ledge that led to the second floor. « hey babe… how much do you weigh? he took a few moments to answer, but you quickly rephrased. – sorry, you chuckled, that turned out more personal that i thought. can you give me a leg up? you nodded at the protruding wall. the stairs that lead to the upper floors are blocked by rubble so i’m afraid this is our only way up. »

he simply nodded, you securing your light on your belt as he put himself in position against the wall to boost you up. the climb went through easily, and you quickly turned around to pull him up after his running jump. you both quickly stood up, the android dusting himself, ridding his clothes of soot and dust, before you start your trek once more.

« i was wondering—assuming you usually frequent this place on your own—how do you get over that wall by yourself? he asked. – with great difficulty, you answered truthfully. the android rolled his eyes. – obviously, he says, in that lilt that never fails to make you chuckle. – yeah? well i hope you’re not too tired today, ‘cause we have a bit more scaling to do. don’t want you slowing me down, you teased. – as if. he scoffed. »

once on the highest floor, you led him towards an open chamber whose floor was largely intact but had a large gaping hole on one side—one that helped ventilate the room who, compared to the rest of the building, was properly aerated, the air much cleaner and safer to breathe than the musty and stale odor down below. the opening allowed the moonlight to bathe the room in a soft glow, illuminating the occupants with an ethereal white. a second source of light caught his attention: a small fire that you ignited inside a metal drum, a flame whose heat was a pleasant contrast to the cold, an ember that highlighted the place with a stark, warm, orange glow against the satellite’s smooth, cold, bluish-white light.

you sat down unceremoniously on a worn out and unfinished windowsill—resembling more like a vaguely rectangular opening—the android joining you on the opposite side. lighting a cigarette, you took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back and gazing into the sable sky decorated by a plethora of stars. the man facing you mimicked your movements and gazed at the celestial bodies, little lights twinkling in the dark, innocent and brilliant. able to take his time to view the heavens, he noted that it resembles an elysian painting, tinted an aegean blue. accompanying the sight was the rumbles of a rock song he wasn’t familiar with, probably from a rock concert a few kilometres away—making a note to find out and identify the venue. he could feel the deep thrumming of the bass and vaguely hear the melody, and though the dampened music made it slightly harder for him to pin it down, he managed to identify it: a hit song from a local indie band. he turned to face you, your form peacefully resting against the wall behind you, eyes closed; features relaxed. breathing deeply, you blew puffs of smoke with a lazy, yet content, smile.

« so? what d’you think? your eyes were directly on him now. i know you had your reservations about this place...  »

there was a small twitch in your smile, a tell he caught that told him of your nervousness. despite his previous opinion of this place, he could see why you liked it, and considered it your happy place: it was a distance away from the big city, the air pollution and the noise. it was quieter and calmer here, without any of the loud colours and chatter that never seemed to cease. the location also provided a good view of the woods around it and the elegant skies above, along with ambient music. one that certainly fit your tastes, but at a distance that didn’t make the atmosphere overbearing. it was a good place to recharge; to rest and to think, away from the cumbersome responsibilities, if only for a little while.

« i like it... it has a unique charm. he found himself repeating himself. it’s a good place to escape. – do you? as if a switch was flicked, your uncertain demeanour was replaced with a cheeky grin. i’m glad this place grew on you! you stood up and placed yourself closer to the android, sinking back on him. – i... like places like these and exploring them… just glad i didn’t bore you away. »

you sighed as you settled comfortably against his chest, his arms quickly wrapping around your waist to cradle your form in a tight embrace. he replied with a hum of approval. placing a hand on yours, he brings it up and presses a kiss on your palm. you gently caressed his cheek as he did. « i’m never bored when i get to spend time with you, my love. he says softly, earnestly. – you’re not half bad yourself, babe. you replied. »

he smacked your arm in faux disdain as you placed a kiss on his jaw, and the conversation ended after that. It was quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward silence; no, it was a comfortable one. no other words uttered. just the two of you, the crackle of the flame, your thoughts and the heavens. connor is tracing soothing circles on the back of your hand, resting his head on the top of yours—his focus switching from the galaxy above and you—while you simply relish on the warmth of his presence and hum along to the song playing in the background. though you knew he meant what he said, you notice him start to fidget and become restless. you’re never sure if it was due to the fact that he was a tireless android or if it was simply a tic of his, but he’s unable to simply sit and be. he’s already analysed all that could be analysed in this place, and you know it’s something he can’t help but do. he had a constant need to be up and about, doing something or preoccupying his mind with something.

« beautiful night, tonight, isn’t it? you started, catching his attention. there was a few moments of silence before he answered. – but certainly not as charming as you. – ha. smooth one, anderson. » the flame in the drum is dying, the heat it brought fading away: an attestation of the time that has passed. it’s been that long huh? the band has changed to a different song, though it shows no signs of finishing anytime soon. you decided it was time to put connor out of his misery and do something else.

snapping up unto your feet—startling the android slightly—you offer a hand and pulled him up: « i got an idea. and it’s probably going to sound like a terrible, inane idea… – how foolish are we talking? he asked, unfazed after going through with multiple of your “dates”; including, but not limited to, urban exploration, base jumping, and graffiti (he still doesn’t know why he agreed… he remembers you saying « rebel against the humans! ») – i mean… it’s pretty tame considering the stuff i proposed before. you shrugged. he raised a brow in suspicion. – you... might be charged with criminal trespass… you admit and he looks horrified. but! but! you continued. that’s only if you get caught! which you wouldn’t be if you’re with me! you reassured him. – what are you planning to do, exactly? – i was thinking about sneaking in the concert and just bask in the energy. head for the moshpit or something. you’re bouncing off your ideas, hoping it might interest him. have fun, enjoy the music. – i’ve researched that venue, it’s a private property! do you know the charges that’ll be pressed against you? he asked, perplexed. – duh! it’s a misdemeanour trespass, as is stated in the michigan penal code: county jail for 30 days and/or a fine. section 750.552.. you answered nonchalantly. it don’t really matter! as i said: we won’t get caught. – how are so calm about breaking these laws? he questioned, perplexed. for a law student, you seem so adamant to break them… – look, con. i’m not gonna force you to do this. i love you, and i understand that you have a reputation to uphold, being a detective and all. you assured him. i don’t want you to feel that i’m peer pressuring you into this. – i… i don’t.. you notice how his eyes shift, looking to the far left, unable to make eye contact. you notice that he’s conflicted, that he wants to do this, but doesn’t. you sigh. – look, we can walk back to the bike while you think about it, and you can tell me your decision once we’re there. alright? »

he doesn’t answer, but you know he heard you, so you start to make your way back down, the android following you wordlessly. once down by your bike, you lean on it—rather similarly to how he met you earlier today—and nod at him: « so? what’s you’re decision? – this sounds like a bad idea… still disagreeing, but not outright denying it. you meant what you said: you don’t want to make him do what he doesn’t want to do, but a partner in crime doesn’t sound half bad. you huff. – connor anderson. the connor anderson himself, who snuck into jericho. the same one who infiltrated cyberlife tower in what seemed to be a suicide mission. is scared of a little trespassing? you teased. live a little! – i don’t see how me committing a crime would contributes to my satisfaction with life. – haven’t you heard? as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

the android before you was conflicted. you could tell from his yellow led, which kept flickering and spinning. the guy was seriously debating this. he’s intrigued. he wants to try it out, you just have to say the right things. problem with the rk800 models: they were much too curious for their own good.

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you seat yourself on your bike and turn back to face him: « so, are you in? a moment of silence. the android seemed to have a renewed confidence. – as a law enforcement officer, what’s stopping me from arresting you right now? his eyes held a newfound determination. you smirked lazily. – absolutely nothing. »

he swears to god, or ra9, or whatever higher power there is, that you will be the death of him.

« get off. your ordered. he followed the command without a word. – we’re gonna walk the rest of the way. you added. »

the concert venue was now at a reasonable distance away, and it was within eyeshot. however, that also meant that everything was much louder. he could now feel the boom of the loud music, and make out the lyrics.

« so i’ve stalked this place before, and i know an entry. here’s the plan: we’re gonna immediately go to the right side. the fence that side is less guarded, since there’s a ditch that leads there; we can hide in there. however there was a drone, just one, and a cctv camera—and we also need to look out for guards—alors fais gaffe1 ok? this far along and he still seemed hesitant, so you give one final push. – too late to back out now buddy. you’ll be fine though. just follow my lead and disable that camera. – wait! you glanced back at him. once inside, what do we do? – just act natural and have fun. you grinned. » and with that, you took off, making your way to the future crime scene. he sighed, still unsure on how you managed to coerce him into this, but jogged to catch up to you.

you hopped down in the ditch, connor not too far behind, and you quickly mentioned, while pointing at a sign that said “no androids allowed”: « by the way, you might want to keep that led of yours hidden. i’ve got some bobby pins if you need ‘em. you motioned to the beanie that he was currently adjusting. »

once he seemed satisfied with his changes, you asked him if he could tamper with the camera, which he swiftly disabled. you come out of your little hiding space and start climbing up the chain link fence, telling connor to keep an eye out for the security drone currently patrolling. what you forgot to tell him was the part where you were going to take it out, catching the android off guard as you throw yourself off the top part of the fence you were clinging on onto the passing drone. your swinging and flailing, combined with your weight pulling it down, caused the contraption to crash and the android—who seemed to have snapped out of his stupor—grabbed a metal pipe lying near the barrier and proceeded to smash the machine. chucking the object to the side, he went to help you up on you feet: « are you alright? – i’m fine. you looked at the metallic junk that was once a drone. we make a pretty good team, don’t you think? he looked back at the destroyed drone. – i don’t want to keep thinking about it… – destruction of property. you clicked your tongue. i’m proud of you con. you pretended to wipe a tear off your eyes. – let’s just go. he turned away , and you follow him up the fence with a chuckle. – cheer up con. you hopped over the chain. it’s okay… you’ve done worse. »

he was about to retort, when a figure seemed to head your way, and you both managed to duck out into a corner before being discovered by the flashlight. when it was clear, you snuck out of the hiding spot and proceeded to join the masses. it was different. he’s never been to a concert before. sure, he was a fan of rock, often listening to it with hank, but experiencing it live was so very different. he knew it would be loud, deafening, but he didn’t expect the surge of excitement and vivacity. it was exhilarating, a completely different world: the bright colours, the loud ambiance, the energy of the music. the android couldn’t help, but let himself get a bit excited. he was glad he decided to come though he’d never admit it to you.

you both floated around the edge of the crowd, the venue being full. it wasn’t a particularly big place, but there were quite a lot of people there, you mused out loud. must be a pretty popular band, their song being catchy enough. at some point or another, you both cheered along with the crowd (though he was much meeker in his cries), and for some reason, decided to try and wade through the people to get closer to the front—the moshpit—this time, the android seemed to play along with your plan without complaint.

he sort of wished he had now. you don’t really know when it happened, whether it was when you rummaged through the people or during a collision while moshing, lost in the intensity of the crowd—every member in state of ecstatic delirium. the beanie came off. when he realised, he quickly hid his led, which was a disturbed yellow, and notified you. you didn’t have to hear what he said to know what was happening. you quickly led him towards the “exit”, the immediate crowd—who saw the black sheep—parting like the red sea as you crossed, but as your neared the edge of the venue security finally reached and cornered you. you quickly placed yourself besides connor, sending across a relaxed body language. you discreetly grabbed his hand, and whispered « play along » which he wouldn’t have heard if he were human.

« how may we help you sir? you asked, flashing your friendliest smile. – i’m concerned about this friend of yours… his eyes glanced at your boyfriend, but you keep your eyes on him. connor was unfazed. perhaps because he trusted your ability in getting yourselves out of this mess—awww, you’re flattered—or that his model are used to high stress environment—most likely, but you certainly hope it was also because of the former. this was a darker area of the place, so it would obscure most of your features, and the band was still playing in the background—ignorant to the revelation—which would somewhat hide your voices. – what about him? curt and indignant. – androids are not allowed in this area. he pointed to the anti-android post outside the fence. the fence that led to freedom. i’m going to have to bring him in for trespass, and you for smuggling him in. androids were recognised as their own sentient species, but laws protecting them have yet to be passed: android-free zones were still legal. most places in the city removed their anti-android signs, but people from the periphery seemed more resistant to change. fuck. – oh that old thing? the led? that don’t prove nothing. you shrugged. be cool [y/n]. it’s just a temporary tattoo. motherfucker lost a bet. you thank whatever gods above that the rk800 models could somewhat control their led colour, so that his remained blue. – is that so? he turned to connor. you seemed adamant on hiding that led of yours. the asshat must have a grudge against androids, huh? You wished he’d just kick you out. make life easier for both parties. – it’s a fake tattoo. he played along. and it’s a bad one at that—i don’t want to be associated with those plastics… he grumbled. you cackled. – well, maybe you shouldn’t have lost that bet, michael. the guard in front of you grunted, displeased. he really wanted to bring in an android huh? prove something to someone? or just pure malice? you never really paid attention in psych class. – if that’s the case, since you’re both humans, i’d like to see your ticket.  »

you went rigid. clenching your jaw you planned your next course of action. you have your phone in your pocket, but there was nothing. you could surrender it, and run away as he was distracted, but he could then trace it back to you and press charges… you could fight? the both of you could easily overpower him, outrunning him wouldn’t be a problem either. but you’ll never hear the end of it if you decided to hurt someone when you had a more pacifist option, so you chose to run. it was abrupt. you were in a standoff, one party waiting for the other to make their move. and all of the sudden you make a break for it and dash off for the fence, your partner running for it too. there was a bit of a scuffle but you managed to fend him off long enough for you to scramble up the fence. the man quickly caught up and yanked your leg—alarming you—though a well placed kick from the other freed you long enough to jump off into the other side, ready to make a dash for your life as you land.

the two of you ran until you reached your bike, which was quite a distance away (thank fuck for that, at least he won’t follow you that far—unless he’s really fucking persistent), where you collapsed on the spot and panted slightly. the android himself was looking slightly weary. heavy breathing turned into wheezing laughter as the absurdity of what just transpired settled into your mind.

« i can’t believe that actually happened! you exclaimed between laughs. – we barely got out of there! he chided. we were almost arrested! – but we weren’t. told ya’ con. should’a believed me. you tsk-ed, having calmed down from the giggles. i’m insulted to be quite honest. you exploded into another fit of laughter. – i don’t know how i managed to get you to do this with me! you howled. – never again. he stated, a finality in his tone. – oh come on, you loved it. you rolled your eyes. he stared at you in silence, unimpressed. it was true, but you’ll never hear that from him. – i hate you, he frowned. – love you too babe, you responded, running a hand through your hair. »

he sighed and let himself fall beside you. taking out your backpack once more, you rummaged through and handed him an item: an inconspicuous water bottle. when asked what it was, you answered « thirium. that’s what you guys drink right? » as you opened your own water bottle, gulping down its content. he informed you that androids don’t need to constantly replenish the thirium in his body like humans did with water—only drinking them when they have lost a significant amount—but that he appreciated the gesture. “it’s the thought that counts”.

you huffed, slightly bashful, going into a tirade about how you can’t keep up with the constantly evolving technology. « you’re starting to sound like hank now. » he chuckled and you grimaced and pretended to vomit in response, though you joined him in his laughter. you both spent time sitting there. just breathing. coming down from your adrenaline rush.

« wanna crash at my place? you offered. – i’d be more than happy to, he obliged. »

that night, you both slept like a rock. well, you did. you completely conked out. connor peacefully entered stasis as he usually did. you arrived at your flat sometime in the morning and passed out. barely managing to blearily have a “shower”—dousing yourself in water—before passing out.

come later in the morning—when the light shone softly and the white noise of the city: ambient sound of traffic, chatter, chirping of pigeons—you were sleeping peacefully when you felt someone shift beside you, rousing you slightly from your slumber. you groaned as your head gains enough coherence to remember about university and the brunt of the waking world. think you’re gonna play hooky today. maybe kenneth can take notes for you… you made a note to ask him later...

unwrapping himself from you, your partner stood up to get ready to go to work—going off to change into neater clothings that he stored in your house and getting decent—and went off to prepare a pot of coffee for you and stick bread in the toaster. feeling the sudden loss of heat as he went away, your sleep heavy mind blindly felt the portion of the bed that he usually slept on—the right—patting it, looking for the missing presence. this went on for a few minutes and your limb felt heavy as your tired body fell back asleep. you resigned to simply poke your arm from under the cover, hoping it’d catch someone. you were half asleep when the reaching hand finally found something, as it was held and gently guided to another’s cheek, yet another kiss pressed on your palm. you felt your heart melt, and hummed approvingly. « stay. you mumbled. he smiled at your naïve request. – i have to go to work. – skip work… f… ight the government… you yawned. – you know i can’t do that, my love. – i… order you... you sleep riddled mind was struggling to keep up as you slowly dozed again. to… – i’ll see you again this evening, i’ll be right back. oh yeah it’s saturday, you reminded yourself. no classes. you mentally cheered. – okk… you were going to pass out again. »

his warmth left you, and you find yourself yearning for it again. before he left, he glanced back towards you—practically buried under the duvet, only visible as a lump under the blanket and the hand poking through the right side. « i love you, [y/n] »

you were too gone to reply, but regardless, he left for work with a small smile.

work went on as usual. filling reports was boring, but it had to be done. at least he could finish them in record time, built to be more efficient at it than your typical human officer. being a detective assigned to the anti-android crimes taskforce, it was rather quiet right now, and though he was grateful that androids weren’t being harmed, it was terribly boring. though colin, who had to start all the way back at the beginning as a beat cop, seemed to be enjoying a peaceful break. he sighed for the umpteenth time as he fidgeted and fiddled with his coin, having already abused the fun out of his multiple pens and pencils. he missed spending time with you; at least it was exciting and unpredictable (getting to be with you is an enjoyable bonus). he stared blankly at his coin and sighed again. his father figure gave him a look across the desk—“did anything happen?”. he shook his head.—“no nothing bad or dangerous happened while i was with [y/n].”. the android then asked if he fancied a cup of coffee from the coffee shop across the road. the old man simply grunted.

« you can just take a walk, you don’t need to use me as a fucking excuse. – alright. he answered placidly. »

the android thought about walking to stretch his legs. maybe go to that bakery that you fancied so much. you did like the strawberry shortcake a crazy amount. but as he would find out, the slow and easy moments shouldn’t be taken for granted: a very disgruntled man, who stormed in to file a police report, happened to run in with the android, still somewhat deep in his musings. oh boy was he in for a rude awakening.

they both promptly apologise, however, once they saw each other they instantly recognised each other—though the detective kept his face neutral. « you! you’re the fucking android that trespassed into a restricted area! he accused. straight faced, he replied calmly. – i am indeed an android, but i believe you may have accused the wrong one. there often many iterations of the same model. he cursed his stars and the fates that put him in this situation. one that meant he was, as hank would put it, in deep shit. »

he was glad most people didn’t know there were only 2 rk800 currently in circulation: him and his brother, colin, whom he was trying to contact. as connor continued trying to placate the angry man, and deny his involvement in anything, he heard his brother’s voice come through.

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[ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ'ˢ ᵁᴾ? ] > [ ᵀᴴᴱᴿᴱ ᴵˢ ᴬ ᴹᴬᴺ ᴼᵁᵀ ᴴᴱᴿᴱ, ᶜᴸᴱᴬᴿᴸᵞ ᵛᴱᴿᵞ ᶜᴿᴼˢˢᴱᴰ, ᵂᴴᴼ ᵂᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᵀᴼ ᶠᴵᴸᴱ ᴬ ᴾᴼᴸᴵᶜᴱ ᴿᴱᴾᴼᴿᵀ. ] he decided to give him a clear picture.

[ SENDING AUDIO-VISUAL FEED TO RK800 #313 248 317-60—COLIN ] [ LINK ESTABLISHED. WAITING PERMISSION… ] [ ACCEPTED. ]

> [ ᴬ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢ ᴼᴺ ᴾᴿᴵᵛᴬᵀᴱ ᴾᴿᴼᴾᴱᴿᵀᵞ ᴮᵞ ᴬ ᴰᴱᵛᴵᴬᴺᵀ ] there was a moment of silence before his brother replied. [ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴴᴱᴸᴸ ᴰᴵᴰ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ ᴳᴱᵀ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴸᴬˢᵀ ᴺᴵᴳᴴᵀ? ] > [ ᴵ ᴬᴾᴾᴿᴱᶜᴵᴬᵀᴱ ᴴᴼᵂ ᵞᴼᵁ ᴵᴹᴹᴱᴰᴵᴬᵀᴱᴸᵞ ᴬˢˢᵁᴹᴱᴰ ᴵᵀ ᵂᴬˢ ᵁˢ. ] connor replied, sarcastic but devoid of humour. [ ᵂᴱᴸᴸ? ᵂᴬˢ ᴵᵀ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸᵞ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ? ] the android, who somehow felt a migraine develop—even though that shouldn’t be possible—sighed. > [ ᴸᴼᴺᴳ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ ˢᴴᴼᴿᵀ, ᵂᴱ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢᴱᴰ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴬᴺ ᴬᴿᴱᴬ ᵂᵂ ˢᴴᴼᵁᴸᴰ'ᵛᴱ ᴬᵛᴼᴵᴰᴱᴰ. ] > [ˢᴱᴺᴰ ᴴᴱᴸᴾ? ] [ ᵞᴼᵁ? ᶜᴼᴹᴹᴵᵀᴱᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴿᴵᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᵛᴼᴸᴵᵀᴵᴼᴺ? ]

the android could hear his brother cackle at his misery. though outside of earshot, the sound echoes in his mind as the link was not yet severed.

[ ᴺᴬᴴ, ᵞᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᴼᴺ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᴼᴺᴱ ] [ ᴳᴼᴼᴰ ᴸᵁᶜᴷ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴ. ] [ ᴴᴬᴺᴷ'ˢ ᴳᴼᴺᴺᴬ ᴮᴱ ᴾᴵˢˢᴱᴰ ] and with that, his brother abandoned him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the man was absolutely irate, convinced that he was the one who trespassed in the venue—he wasn’t wrong—be he kept accusing someone of the same profile as him, but named “michael”. you really did him a favour on that one. it seemed like salvation had come however, as hank intercept the confrontation—the man calmed down after seeing a human officer. his brother must’ve informed the lieutenant (connor wants to thank him, but not), knowing how the appearance of two rk800s would only aggravate the situation. through a stroke of luck, the man didn’t have enough evidence to successfully file a report—against an rk800 named “michael”... who didn’t exist.

but to say that hank was pissed was an understatement. thus begins the walk of shame as hank demanded to « talk in private ». at the end of a severe tongue-lashing, decorated with many “fuck”s and “shit”s, he was in a sour mood and positively fuming. forget the shortcake. he was absolutely going to get back at you for this.

you were snoozing peacefully, off in dreamworld, when you woke up to the buzzing of your phone. groggy, you ran you hand under the pillows and felt for the object until you found it. checking it revealed that you 27 missed calls from an unknown number and a few message from them:

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unknown number [ two missed message ]

> what the fuck did you get connor into? > ???????

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bzz. bzz. a new message?

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unknown number [ 1 new message ]

> i know you saw the messages, fuckibg answer

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you also had a new message from connor, though his message didn’t bode well for you either:

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connard2 anderson <3 [ 1 missed message ]

> we need to talk. > ):<

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the use of the emoji made you chuckle, but you were scared of what the future brought for you. oh boy… you were in deep shit weren’t you…

e͟p͟i͟l͟o͟g͟u͟e͟:

you lived to see another day. hank gave you an even more brutal scolding than what connor received, and you swore that if this were a shitty choice-that-matters game you’d see a metre for his friendship go down. not that there was much there in the first place.

connor gave an even more punishing sanction: he gave you the absolute silent treatment for a month. no talking, no hugs nor cuddles, and only the odd texts once in a blue moon. an absolutely miserable 31 days for you, spent by sulking. safe to say this was a punishment you’ll never forget, and one that will discourage you from ever trying that kind of stunt ever again.

or at least when connor’s around. it’s free game when it’s just you by yourself. connor knows this and simply sighs in resignation and just hopes you don’t get yourself in potentially future career ruining situation...

f͟o͟o͟t͟n͟o͟t͟e͟s

1. french expression that i was too lazy to translate, essentially means “watch out/stay alert”,,, somewhere along those lines, but informal. 2. connard is a french word pronounced almost like connor, but it means shithead. reader has a strange sense of humour.

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[thefloatingstone]

Y'know what? Give us the long answer. Have fun with it. Go wild.

The full title of the show is “Revolutionary Girl Utena”. It has 39 episodes and was released in 1997. The series director, Kunihiko Ikuhara, previously worked on the anime version of Sailor Moon, and was the main force behind turning Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune from simple team partners into a romantic lesbian couple, turning Sailor Uranus from an androgynous person who changed gender at will into a masculine lesbian, and Sailor Neptune from a borderline “background character” into a character in her own right, motivated by her romance with Sailor Uranus.

Revolutionary Girl Utena was originally an idea to have a Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune spin-off show until somebody told Ikuhara that the story he wanted to tell wouldn’t make sense with those characters. Instead, he decided to make the Utena anime. The anime IS based on a manga which had not yet concluded at the time of the anime’s creation, but the anime deviates from its source material in the extremes.

SO! Revolutionary Girl Utena!!

I am going to answer “What is it about?” with 2 answers because both are true but just giving you the plot summary doesn’t actually tell you shit about what the show is….about.

Answer 1:

We open with what appears to be a fairy tale. Long ago, there was a young princess whose parents had recently died and she was very sad. One day, a beautiful prince smelling of roses came to her, and told her “Beautiful princess who holds up alone in such sadness, never lose that nobility even when you are grown”. He then gives her a ring with a rose crest on it and promises they’ll meet again. The fairy story ends with “That’s all well and good, but so impressed was she by him that she decided to become a prince too. But was that really such a good idea?”

The story follows 14 year old Tenjou Utena. She attends the prestigious Ohtori Academy with her best friend, the rather unremarkable Wakaba. (Basically think the “Magical Girl Trope” of Sailor Moon and her “best friend” character Naru. Utena is doing the trope on purpose). Utena says she enrolled in the school because it has the same rose crest as its symbol as the ring she has, which was given to her by “a prince” long ago, and she hopes to meet him again one day.

Utena is admired by practically every person in school, both girls AND boys. The boys admire her as a very talented athlete, specializing in basketball and playing on the boy’s team, and the girls admire her because she’s a girl who comes to school wearing the boys’ uniform (even though it doesn’t resemble any of the boys’ uniforms), refers to herself with the male “Boku” rather than the feminine “Watashi” and for her self confidence and energetic and positive personality, as well as her disregard for authority figures (like the teacher who confronts her for wearing “inappropriate” clothing, pointing out that the student rule book only says students have to wear the inform. Not that they have to wear the specific gendered uniform)

The story follows Utena, as she accidentally, while trying to defend her best friend Wakaba, getting involved in a “game” which involves the 4 members of the school’s student council, Juri, Saionji, Miki and the council president, Touga. The game involves a mysterious dueling arena in the middle of the forest which can only be accessed by people who have a rose crest ring, that looks exactly like Utena’s childhood ring. There, they duel in sword fights as an upside down figment of a castle looms over them. The winner of a duel becomes “engaged” to the female student, “Anthy Himemiya” who is called “The Rose Bride”. The Rose Bride gives her current fiance the power to use “The Sword of Dios” which she pulls from her chest, and the duelists believe that the one who is engaged to the rose bride can eventually enter the castle in the sky, wherein lies the power to revolutionise the world. Each member of the Student council believes this to be something completely different, each one of them thinking it will change their current situation in the real world into one they wish. One believes the castle contains the ability to create “True Friendship”, another “The ability to create miracles” another “A return to purity” etc etc.

Utena, who wins the duel in the first episode and ends up accidentally engaged to Anthy, has no interest in the castle or the rose bride or any of this dueling stuff. But she sees Anthy as a girl in distress, played around with and handed back and forth between people to use, and so Utena decides to, effectively, become Anthy’s “Prince Charming” to rescue the fair maiden in distress. Anthy is a very demure, introverted, and ultimately strange girl. She and Utena share a dorm together as is apparently Utena’s right as her “fiance”, and Utena starts building a friendship with Anthy, as well as learning what all these duels actually are, what is inside the castle, what IS the “power to revolutionise the world” and how she can save Anthy from this twisted game.

So…. that’s what the STORY of Utena is about…. but that has nothing to do with what Utena’s about…

Answer 2:

Utena is, at its core, about MANY strong themes, but to pick one out to talk about first, it’s about the human psyche. And I know that sounds like pretentious garbage but hear me out;

Utena is about how human  beings will trap themselves in their own destructive behaviours, constantly going round and round and round about something they can’t change in their life and their desire to change the OUTSIDE world to fulfill something that has gone wrong on the INSIDE of them. Every character believes the world to be a certain way, and what they believe the world is like means they can never achieve happiness or what they truly want, but none of the characters realise the ONLY way for them to be happy, TRULY happy, is in fact to let go of the desires and hang ups and psychological barriers that are keeping them trapped in unhappiness.

Utena is a 39 episode show talking in extensive detail “This is why you’re so fucked up”. And it pulls NO punches. Dealing with subjects like abuse, incest, rape, manipulation, sexual awakening, homosexuality, unrequited feelings, projecting your wants and desires onto other people, the list goes on.

The OTHER major theme of Utena is, and again I am not being pretentious here, this is what the show is about, the oppression of not only women, but of toxic beliefs surrounding what women’s roles in life “should” be, and how society as a whole uses this oppression and, frankly, abuse, to further people’s own desires and wants, and how society and those most toxic parts of it, try and break and bend women’s empowerment into something “more desirable” with complete disregard for how women in question actually FEEL about this supposed “place” they should be filling. It draws strong parallels between personal, one on one abuse, and a larger problem with women’s treatment of society as a whole.

And the OTHER other major theme of Utena, is sexuality as a whole. Not just Utena’s but literally every single character. The show is about sexual awakening (which is why the main characters are 14 but look older) and all the psychological hang-ups that comes with it, and how it shapes your opinion of the world and, in turn, how the world tries its best to shape YOU into something it WANTS you to be, rather than what you are. Female sexuality, Lesbian sexuality, Bisexuality, Sexual repulsion, Sex used as a weapon to control others, Sex as a metaphor for adulthood. Utena is an entire thesis on human sexuality, the form it takes in different individuals, the freedom it offers, as well as how predators use sexual attraction in terrible terrible ways to control others through manipulation, adoration, or domination.

The show is about trauma, both personal as well as on a societal level. it’s about abuse. It’s about what abuse turns people into. It’s about shutting off who you really are so tightly that NOBODY is able to pull it out. It’s about how being naive and “pure” is incredibly damaging, both to yourself and those you care about. It’s about confronting reality. It’s about confronting the adult world. It’s about breaking cycles. Both the ones we keep ourselves in which are self destructive, as well as the ones caused by abuse.

The OTHER thing Utena is about is “Speaking all of its plot, character motivations, themes, and story in metaphor so thick you need to be a psychology student to figure out half of this shit”

The first time I watched the show, I didn’t understand the ending AT ALL. And it took scouring the MANY essays written by people smarter than me on https://ohtori.nu/analysis/introduction.html for me to not only fully grasp what the ending was trying to say, but also literally 60% of the show which went completely over my head because I was 22 and a lot of the more adult themes was something I just didn’t pick up on, or fell into a complete trap with, thinking the same as the overly naive Utena, rather than understanding the reality of the situations and story.

My favourite scene to use as an example is in episode 5, where Miki runs into his twin sister Kozue in the school’s music room.

Miki had just finished telling Utena how he and his sister Kozue use to play the piano together, but something happened and Kozue refuses to play the piano with him any more. He and Kozue use to be very close in many ways, but these days Kozue has greatly distanced herself from him, and is very obviously slutting around the school, something Miki is disgusted in. It makes him want to distance himself from her all the more while also enraging him on a personal level. He has discovered, however, that Anthy (the Rose Bride) is very talented at playing the piano, and he hears in her playing something he feels he’s lost with his sister. Something calm and innocent which is no longer there between him and his twin. And he falls in love with Anthy.

He runs into Kozue as he goes to play the piano. He bumps into her unexpectedly. Her shirt is unbuttoned, her necktie undone, and she visibly adjusts her skirt. Inside the music room we see Touga, notorious school playboy, leaning idly against the windowsill, his own shirt unbuttoned.

Miki enters the room because he was intending to play the piano. Then THIS conversation happens;

This is one of the more obvious ones. But in case it wasn’t clear;

Neither of them are talking about playing the piano.

So take what I just told you about this situation… Read that info again…. THEN look at what they’re saying to each other… THEN look at how the show has chosen to place its camera angles.

Miki and his sister Kozue use to be very close, but have grown distant due to some event (which Miki says involves playing the piano. But that’s what Miki says). Miki yearns for when he and his sister use to be very close. a… “More innocent and pure” time… His sister has apparently completely embraced her sexuality, whereas Miki obviously sees her openly being slutty as extremely enraging and something he finds repulsive. He sees Anthy has in her the “purity and innocence” he lost with his sister. He falls in love with Anthy.

He runs into Kozue. She gives him…. THAT look. Up close and personal. When Miki speaks to her first, the camera ZOOMS back. Far away. a Great distance. Kozue asks him “Are you here to get me to play again?” She says, pointedly adjusting her skirt as she does so. She’s framed as towering over him. “I don’t have any more hope for you.” Miki dismisses her, as her presence looms over him.

They use to “play” together before they became distant. Kozue teases him about how he must miss playing with her. He scoffs. He’s no longer interested in her. They’re not talking about pianos.

Every single scene, exchange of dialogue, ever camera angle, every pose, every micro expression, every character’s body language, every bizarre visual or item that seems out of place in every shot… EVERYTHING in this show is a metaphor, or a hint, or a double meaning, or talking about something completely different than what they’re talking about.

Every second of this show is like this. If you wanna watch it… you’re gonna have to pay attention. Idly just letting it play while you take in the pretty visuals, and you’re not gonna understand one moment of what’s really being said, or shown.

And finally, everything that Utena is about, is in its intro’s lyrics. In fact the intro’s visuals all actually give away the entire story. But you know what? I can TELL you that because it is so heavy in symbolism and double meaning that even if I tell you that STRAIGHT OUT… you’re not gonna be able to understand what the hell it means until you reach the final episode.

Lets live with good grace and style.(just a long long time)Even if the two of us are ever torn apart…(let go of me)Take my revolution

In a sunlit schoolyard (garden), We took each other by the handDrawing close for comfort, we both swore:Never again would we ever fall in love.(Every time)

In that photograph of us, standing cheek-to-cheek,A touch of loneliness fills our smiling faces. (Revolution)

Even though we dream, even though we cry, even though we hurt ourselves, Reality keeps on approaching frantically,

I want to find my place, the worth of my existenceThe person I’ve been until nowAnd find the strength to throw it all away. Strip down to nothing at all.Become like rose petals blowing free

Even if the two of us are ever torn apartI swear to you, I will change the world.

[haxballfan-blog]

When You're Sad, Your Skin Is Sad

Correlation doesn't prove causation, but I can't help but notice that both times I’ve lived in my teenage bedroom I’ve felt especially sad. In high school, it was an angry sadness that sought attention. But when I came back to my parents house in March to ride out COVID, the sadness became deep and dull—about everything and nothing. I go to bed dreading the next day like it holds a big test I haven’t studied for. In the morning, I alternately jolt awake while it’s still dark, or tether myself to my comforter well into the workday. I’ve been very privileged in the ways I’ve experienced the past few months, but also very anxious. And actually, the CDC estimates that 40-percent of adults exhibit symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorders as of this past July. (In 2019, that number was 11-percent.) So, yes, I’m crying a lot more than usual; maybe you are too. I’m also breaking out more than usual—and you?

“Yes, stress causes you to break out,” says Dr. Amy Wechsler, who, as one of only a handful of doctors in the US board-certified in both dermatology and psychiatry, is uniquely qualified to answer questions about this kind of stuff—she even wrote the book on it. Dr. Wechsler cites a well-known study done on a college campus during exam week, where researchers found a strong correlation between stress and the severity of acne. “But exam period is like two weeks long, and when the exams go away the breakouts go away. Imagine if you had exam period for five months, you know? That’s like what we’re going through right now.”

According to Dr. Wechsler, the root of stress acne lies in a molecule called cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that’s pumped out by the body to fight illness, control blood sugar levels, regulate metabolism, and influence memory formation. In general it’s anti-inflammatory, but when you’re stressed, your body responds by producing more cortisol than it would normally as part of the fight-or-flight response meant to keep you alert when you need to be. If that stress is prolonged, and you don’t have the proper coping mechanisms to deal with it, cortisol starts to act very inflammatory.

“Inflammation is the root cause of acne, and eczema, and psoriasis,” says Dr. Wechsler, who also adds that high levels of cortisol over a long period of time will break down collagen, the molecule in your skin that keeps it looking plump. “That’s why when people are really stressed out for a while, they look like they aged overnight.” For a good, obvious example of this phenomenon, take a look at a photo of President Obama in his first year as president compared to his last. Cortisol also weakens your skin’s natural barrier, so you’ll start to experience more transepidermal water loss. Several months of anxiety may leave you with a totally different skin type: even if your skin is normally oily, it will start to dry out and get more sensitive. Dr. Wechsler notes that when your barrier is compromised, your skin is more likely to react to something that normally wouldn’t cause a problem. “That’s when people say things like, ‘I’ve been using the same product forever, they haven’t changed their ingredients, but now I can’t tolerate it.’”

The tricky part about cortisol is that once levels are high, it can be difficult to bring them down on your own. At minimum, you need to make sure you’re getting an adequate amount of sleep each night, which can be difficult when you’re feeling anxious. “Cortisol is at its lowest for everybody during sleep, and healing molecules like beta-endorphins, growth hormones, and oxytocin,” a mood enhancer, “are always at their highest,” says Dr. Wechsler, who compares the molecules’ relationship to a see-saw. If you’re not getting much sleep, you’re not giving the anti-inflammatories a chance to catch up to the cortisol.

During the daytime, you can sort of hack your body chemicals by engaging in activities that directly trigger a release of those happy molecules. Completing your skincare routine floods your brain with dopamine, otherwise known as the “feel-good neurotransmitter.” So would cooking a complicated dinner, or organizing your bedroom, or finishing a book. A workout can help balance too-low endorphins, a fact I always felt was fallacy until I experienced my first runner’s high a few months ago. Not into exercise? Pop on a John Mulaney stand up special—any will do!—for a rush of endorphins you don’t have to sweat for. And to raise your oxytocin levels, turn down the lights and grab your vibrator. Sex drive can lower when you’re depressed, but each time you orgasm your body releases cortisol-lowering, calm-inducing oxytocin.

Of course, these things won’t stop you from feeling anxious, but they might help you feel a little bit better on the day-to-day, and you also may see a difference in your skin. “When people are very anxious, they feel this loss of control over what’s going on in their lives, and normal routines fall by the wayside because they feel unimportant,” Dr. Wechsler explains. “A skincare routine gives you back a little control,” she adds, conceding that, at the very least, 10 minutes of caring for yourself will feel better than reading the news, or scrolling through Instagram.

The absolute easiest, low-effort way to help balance cortisol? For a sad person at least, it’s crying. Scientists aren’t quite sure how or why, but studies show that a good crying session decreases cortisol levels. It was once widely believed that tears were a way to expel excess stress hormones, but now, most researchers think that the benefits of crying have to do with social signaling: just getting out the message that you’re in distress seems to help alleviate some of that distress. And, if you’re crying to somebody, they’re likely to give you a hug, rub your back, or stroke your hair—all triggers for oxytocin.

But while crying is good for the skin internally, it can leave your face feeling… not so great. Which is the reason I called Dr. Wechsler in the first place—I wear my recent crying obviously, and am left frantically icing my face before morning meetings and check-ins with family. Beyond how I look, my post-crying face hurts. My eyes get incredibly puffy, and I often find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when I cry at night. It happens, without fail, after I do my skincare routine, and I wasn’t sure whether the salty tears left on my skin were further contributing to breakouts. To make my outsides match my insides after a solid catharsis, I wanted to figure out a post-crying best practice—a sad girl beauty routine, if you will.

What I’d learn is that your eyes work overtime to produce tears, which draws an abundance of blood to the surface of your eyelids. If you cry at night, that blood doesn’t have anywhere to go—it pools in your face when you’re lying flat. “If you’re crying during the day and you’re standing up and walking around, gravity will take the swelling from your eyelids, bring it down your face, and flush it out,” adds Dr. Wechsler. For those particularly concerned about morning puffiness, you can stay upright until the swelling subsides, or try Dr. Weschler’s favorite method. “Put a teaspoon in a glass of ice water, let it get really cold, and then take the back of the teaspoon and put it on your eyelid with a little bit of pressure. Both the cold and the pressure really help those blood vessels calm back down,” says Dr. Wechsler, who learned the tip from one of her model patients. Doing that right away will probably help prevent morning puffiness, but if you aren’t feeling up to it, just go to sleep and try to keep your head elevated with an extra pillow. You can always try the spoon trick (and some vertical action) in the morning.

As for the tears themselves, Dr. Wechsler recommends rinsing them off to abate dryness. If you’ve cried within a half hour of doing your skincare routine, you can rinse with a gentle cleanser (or water, if you think another wash will be too drying) and re-apply your skincare products. Otherwise, just rinse and moisturize again.

Remember how I mentioned cortisol is difficult to lower on your own? If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression, you might also consider seeking out the help of a trained therapist. While it’s easy to ruminate on how we look on the outside, it’s important to emphasize that this skin issue is indicative of a larger, internal problem. Aside from the auxiliary benefit of helping balance your skin, talking to someone can help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, grief, and uncertainty you might be feeling right now. Therapy for Black Girls, the National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, and Open Path Collective all offer remote therapy options at accessible price points. You might also check out Psychology Today’s list of therapists, which is quite comprehensive—you can filter results by things like specialty, sexuality, and race. If you’re a Black woman, you can also apply for a grant from The Loveland Foundation to subsidize your sessions.

Knowing that my skin is feeling as vulnerable as I am right now, I’ve been taking it easy with my skincare. And the benefit is twofold: nixing breakout treatments lets my skin actually heal, and using fewer products means I’m more likely to actually do my routine (even when I don’t feel like it). I’ve noticed new pimples subsiding after fortifying my compromised skin barrier with products rich in ceramides, natural moisturizing factors, and lipids. I’ve also been chasing opportunities to feel good as often as I can, masked and tiptoeing around the border of my own shrunken comfort zone. Still the breakouts, and the tears, come in waves. But then again, they always have.

[storywriting]

[ Bc yall have foolishly greenlit my Nirvash Headcanon production, here is a general discussion of who I think Nirvash is and I’ll thank you to give me excuses to be more specific. ]

First things first. The Nirvash is the first creature Eureka ever had a conversation with or considered her friend. While Eureka had to learn to speak to people, the ability to communicate with her own kind is one of the few things she was born knowing, so she took to Nirvash right away. The Nirvash is unfortunately one of the main factors that ended up landing her as an emotionally stunted military dog instead of having a normal life where she is nurtured and fully educated by humans. I honestly think if the folks in the lab hadn’t realized her piloting potential, Eureka would have been raised as a completely different person. Since science had never been able to crack the Nirvash typeZERO, she was very valuable to have. They didn’t waste their budget on anything else once they knew that.

I also think the Nirvash had never been called Nirvash by people prior to the discovery of Eureka. Nirvash was exclusively called the typeZERO until Eureka was able to communicate enough to tell humans the name.

Vaguely related, Eureka’s name is also not human given because she is named after an event experienced by the scub coral and it doesn’t make sense to me that humans in 11005 or whatever would think to name her after something that happened in like 2005.  Eureka’s name comes from the very first time Scub Coral entered Earth’s atmosphere, where it crashed into a satellite and was forced to make a home in the Earth’s oceans. Based on what Sakuya says, it’s likely that the whole of the coralian system became aware when it was decided Eureka would be born. Nirvash likely told Eureka her own name if she didn’t already know it herself.

Archetypes are sexless, so as one might expect, Nirvash doesn’t have a particular concept or interest in gender identity. Eureka calls Nirvash “he” in the original series dub and “she” in all future adaptations. I suspect that using “he” might have originally been a mistake by the localization team since Nirvash isn’t voiced until the very end and the Japanese language doesn't really ever require a speaker to designate a gendered pronoun. Whether it was a mistake or on purpose, I tend to explain this by just saying that Eureka copied the words other people used whenever she would personify the Nirvash to them. That would be in line with her character.

Eureka also speaks about Nirvash like a child quite often even though Nirvash is most certainly an older life form than she is. I suspect this is to do with a difference in experience and the higher barriers of understanding for a creature like Nirvash. Put simply, Nirvash is a less developed creature than Eureka is.

In the AU movie archetypes arent the same type of creature as in the main series--they were made or evolved differently.  In the film, the Larval Nirvash is somewhat intelligent. Larval Nirvash pays attention to people and tries to participate in conversations despite being unable speak. 10/10 very tiny and cute and runs around, always doing their best.

I honestly believe that main series Nirvash has a similar temperament and level of intelligence to this AU iteration.  Also, the way Eureka speaks about Nirvash, like a child, in my mind supports the idea that the Nirvash is capable only of very simple thoughts and ideas early on. Nirvash isn't enlightened, per se. At least not at the beginning. Nirvash is a failed attempt at making a person. It makes sense that Nirvash would be less advanced.  If we could hear Nirvash's early conversations with Eureka, I suspect Nirvash's interests and concerns would sound pretty simplistic. I hesitate to compare Nirvash to any stage of human development tbh, mostly because it seems like Nirvash is very intelligent about certain things (like in battle, Nirvash makes very strategic choices), but probably couldn't even match a toddler on other things. Emotional intelligence, for example, is probably something that takes a while for Nirvash to pick up even the tiniest shred of.  Still, Nirvash's wants and feelings do seem to become slightly less simplistic over time. Still simple compared to a person, but the feedback Eureka gives originally is like "nirvash is happy" and by the end it's more like "nirvash feels x complex way because of what they did when x happened and how it turned out". Put simply, Nirvash knows what Nirvash knows, but not much else. Nirvash is maybe like Eureka in that regard. They're in their own weird stage of development where some of their stats are maxed and some of them are like...what are you even doing.  I also pretty strongly headcanon that, like Eureka, Nirvash's understanding of the world and of humans is growing as the series progresses, which I think is fairly substantiated but rarely addressed directly.

As the audience we don't get to see the way Nirvash communicates very often, especially not in any direct easy-to-be-understood-by-people fashion. If you want to learn anything about Nirvash as a viewer you have to speculate based on the few times Nirvash displays some will of her own, or go by the very little information Eureka gives about what Nirvash is thinking. Eureka is somewhat private about her relationship with Nirvash at times, which I find interesting, but that’s a topic for another post.

I pretty strongly headcanon that Nirvash sort of dislikes people, or at the very least, mistrusts the ones she doesn’t know.  I believe this because Nirvash outright refuses to be piloted, even by people with compac drives.  Compac drives are the "keys" humans use to communicate with LFOs, but LFOs cant really communicate back. We know that Nirvash for whatever reason really didnt want to be piloted, but then Nirvash met Eureka and felt willing to activate for her because they could converse and agree on things. No compac drive required for that.  Nirvash will fly for Eureka because they can have a relationship that is a two way street.  It doesn’t require the kind of faith Nirvash would need to let a human do whatever they wanted.

I suspect when Eureka is piloting there is a lot of give and take. They're discussing what they should do.  They compromise on a course of action by combining their understanding.  The trouble any time there is something going on between the Nirvash and Eureka is that it's not a conversation the audience gets to hear. We just have to watch and do our best to interpret

I think that over time Nirvash comes to appreciate and even like some humans and seeks methods of communication with ones she vibes with.  Ultimately the Nirvash does become more able to understand and commune with people because Eureka acts as a cultural bridge between them.   I really like the idea that Nirvash becomes interested in communicating with humans in the limited ways available to her, but only after spending a lot of time with Eureka and taking a shine to Renton. I also know the show gives Nirvash a clear human sounding voice that makes understandable words but I honestly hc that Nirvash sounds more abstract than that in most situation. Like idk, machine noises, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites™ or something like that.  I think if a human was able to hear Nirvash in any passive sort of way, it probably wouldn’t really sound like language. Eureka can always understand Nirvash but if you're Renton or maybe Ao just hanging around and are somehow catching bits and pieces of that consciousness floating in the air it's gonna feel weird and garbled in your brain unless you're able to make that more direct connection with the Nirvash somehow. It's just not natural to humans, it's not their first language.

On the subject of Nirvash getting on with humans, there is eventually a situation where Renton has to pilot the Nirvash himself. This is on the tail end of Eureka being really down and not really explaining why.  Sometimes when she touches the Nirvash she starts to bleed and it becomes clear that The Girls Are Fighting™️. When Eureka sees Renton piloting she is taken aback by the fact that Nirvash would allow somebody other than her to pilot alone. Also, she comments on how that's 'not Nirvash's style'. It's left ambiguous what exactly her meaning is there, but she becomes pretty upset. There are a few ways I've interpreted it, though it's hard to pin down exactly. One possibility is that she’s upset because Renton and Nirvash Did A Violence. Alternatively it could be because the fighting Eureka saw from them was obviously more of Renton's own will than the give and take she prefers with the Nirvash. Another option is that Renton is not imposing his will, but rather bringing out something in Nirvash Eureka doesn't recognize and isn't comfortable with being a stranger to. Eureka is at this point very stressed that the Nirvash wont talk to her. She seems to go from very excited that Renton makes the Nirvash happy to very distressed that Renton is changing her relationship with the Nirvash. Nirvash is probably one of the only relationships Eureka has where she is comfortable and feels she is on the same page nearly all the time, so it's jarring for that to be challenged or changed. 

A lot of the conflict with nirvash is never clarified in stone, but we know for sure that Renton causes Eureka to change and that's a big deal for everybody involved. Nirvash and Eureka don't really know change before this.  In terms of Nirvash’s opinion, we know mostly about the parts Eureka reacts to, but if you think about it we dont really find out why Nirvash likes Renton in the first place or what initially caused Nirvash to becomes less open with Eureka. It's hard to place exactly what the conflict is. Just that it involves Renton and it involves this change. Despite Eureka being the best creature humanty has for communicating with Archetypes there are still certain barriers between them. They are the same creature, but theyre vastly different versions of the same creature with vastly different capabilities and experiences. Nirvash and Eureka will inevitably end up in situations where they don’t see eye to eye if for no other reason than their mental and sensory experience is vastly different from one another. I suspect that Nirvash is at times jealous of Eureka going off and having experiences and relationships with others, in the same way Eureka gets jealous when Nirvash seems to prefer Renton over her.

That all said, I do think Nirvash does have some sense of right and wrong even without Eureka’s guidance, but Eureka shows evidence of chiding or suggesting morality to the Nirvash throughout. Things like compassion and a moral compass seem to be way more pronounced for Nirvash later on in the series, after like 40 episodes of bonding and getting into and out of trouble together.  Again, we can’t know all the details because the audience doesn’t get any unfiltered version of Nirvash’s perspective, but we know for sure that Eureka (and eventually Renton) is very very important to her even when the they are in conflict. In turn, Eureka regularly demonstrates that she trusts Nirvash implicitly and seems to respect Nirvash's judgement in many kinds of situations. The Nirvash is a member of the family through and through. She’s always down to help the cause, and she appreciates the great privilege involved in having a front row seat to Eureka’s experience. The Nivash has had an unprecedented opportunity to become enlightened about other creatures in ways the rest of the Scub Coral could not. In another life Nirvash could have had any number of destinies, possibly even safer ones with less strife and less change. She was never essential to the plan of putting yet another humanoid coralian into the world and could have moved for anybody else and had a completely different life. Maybe in times of conflict Nirvash thinks about that, but if there’s one thing that’s canon as hell I know that Nirvash would never trade away being loved by the Storywriter.

We stan a queen.

[deviationdivine]

Blue Blush (Connor!Prompt Request)

TLDR: Connor’s having one of those days at the DPD that just culminates in him winding up naked...

Word Count: 2,837

TW: Fluffy Boy Connor, Language, Suggestive Themes

A/N:Follower/Reader Appreciation Drabble | Prompt: “Nothing to see here.” “Um, you’re fucking naked!” - @sammyreh request! Here we go! My main man Connor’s back with more fluff to cure my chronic angst. Thanks for participating baby! 

How lovely you look today. Any day will be beneficial to his visual component analyzing each detail for memory storage. Already he has seen you first entering DPD but that does not stop him wanting to be around you approximately twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, four weeks in a month and-

Calculations drop out of range the closer you come. Realizing that he fell into distraction reminds him of what Hank calls it. The lieutenant says he is ‘whipped’ but Connor is unsure if you would partake in the sexual gratification of S&M. Whips appear to be quite popular in the area.

A flood of information filters in his scanners. Oh. That is not what the lieutenant meant.

Wiping out a flood of sexual content he automatically steps forward with a cup of coffee brewed specifically to your preferences. “Good morning, Love.”

“Good morning, Detective.”

Your greeting is airy with a wisp of mischief. Catching him off guard is rare. After all he will hear a pin drop with that supersonic hearing. It isn’t so much surprise but confusion settling into his cute face. Then he plays off your formal address all too cleverly.

“We are much more than colleagues now, Y/N.” The android admonishes teasingly, offering the hot beverage to you. “In fact, I do believe we are dating.”

Is that so? You laugh at the little joke. Breezing past his lips husky and endearing; your body leans into his chest acting as a harmonious magnet. Tangling fingers around silky tie pulls him down just enough but directing him isn’t necessary.

Connor places a sweet kiss that quickly transforms in a sultry tango to your lips. Wanting to curve fingers with the shape of your face, cradling, claiming you as his, he does remind himself of current priority. This is work. He does not wish to cause an uncomfortable climate. Most have no opinion about this new relationship the two of you have begun.

Hank obviously rolled eyes when Connor first admitted. Actually, it was not in disgust. The lieutenant thought it was “about time they worked it the fuck out” in his usual unpleasant terms.

There is a nudge of doubt still weighing through his system. Even as you come to hold a place for him in your rapturous human heart; Connor imagines if he did not become deviant.

Never will he doubt you or these feelings. He doubts how good he truly is for someone like you. Someone who is a lively spark in this world, making him feel further human. If he may hold, protect you forever that will be enough. Even if you decide to move away from this connection for your sake as a human dating an android; Connor drops his gaze. Being free with thoughts and decisions empties his mind for only his internal voice to ruminate. At times being alone is not best for a deviant.

“Connor? Are you OK?”

Stroking his cheek draws him up in a snap. Indicator flickers in a call sign interrupting this pleasant sensation reserved only for him. He reserves for you as well. As long as you want to be with him perhaps that is enough. To hold a moment tenderly expecting an end or his days of struggle eclipse logic too severely. 

He is more adaptable than this. Having something precious to lose makes the android surge with an entire new string of emotions.

Maybe he should ask Hank. On second thought, let’s not ask Hank.  

Connor smiles now. Appeasing worry is part of his programming. He is meant to integrate in an amiable way. He still follows patterns of protocol but more so out of choice. An unmistakable need to make you happy fills him with purpose.

“I just received an emergency call,” Connor breathes against your hand. Tiny peck of the android’s bottom lip grazes palm where you continue to offer a soothing caress. Tasting the natural chemicals held within your body spiking for every touch and affectionate fondle of skin. 

“It seems I will be out in the field earlier today. And – Hank is late.”

Anderson is late? Shocking! You smirk. “Well, that’s on him,” you chide. “But still… I’d like you having backup. Do you want me to-?”

“No, Y/N.” Connor is quick to shut down the suggestion. He knows of the astonishing capability you possess. There is more at stake.

Arguing won’t change his mind. He’s pretty good at making his own decisions. It makes you happy to see him not tied down to code or orders. He’s also pretty good at this coffee thing. Sipping it now creates a warm spread.

“Mmm,” purring approval gets him going. 

Lusty clouds dot caramel cocoa, those same eclipses you notice each time kissing turns into heavy petting. Connor lets go of his pristine, intelligent personage while loving you. He takes breath away. Can only dream of how it will be when you two have sex. “Exact amount of cream. Connor, if you weren’t a detective you’d make a delectably hot barista.”

“Hey, hey, hey! Take your lovey dovey shit outside!”

Wrenching back from Connor’s warm, loving space is a good opportunity to roll eyes in disgust. You blatantly ignore the obnoxious entrance of Reed. “Be careful,” a little whisper floods your feelings. They always were like this for Connor but knowing he’s yours? It adds extra uneasiness.

He does not seem to be worried at all. That smile can light up the earth. He warms you like the sun.

“Androids are capable of avoiding unnecessary injury to biocomponents, Love. My model makes me quite effective.” Connor pulls at the threads holding your blissful laughter at bay. Poking gently, hoping to spill splendorous sound tinkling like china glass. Whenever you laugh the metal melts a bit more around his artificial heart.

You bless him with a diminutive giggle. All is right within his world then. It means everything he desires now. Deviancy opens gates, unleashing his true self. He-he wants to hold this forever along with your perfect form in his arms until the end of time.

“Gonna keep eye fucking or do your job tin can?!”

Connor’s smile snaps into a line. Drawing fingers against your waist as a silent disengagement and promise to remain safe, the prototype detective walks out of break room on a clear path to Gavin Reed.

The human detective yawns not worried. He snorts at the droid. “The fuck you looking at?”

“Opening your mouth to Detective Y/L/N will need proper adjustment,” Connor explains smoothly. “Would you like me to assist you, Detective Reed?”

Any jokes Gavin had on loop don’t make it past this plastic asshole’s balls. Getting in his face he must have a big pair of gonads! “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten your stunt in the evidence room motherfucker!”

“I’m sorry,” the prototype snipes sarcastically. “I suppose this concludes our bromance then.”

“You motherless piece of shit!”

Unfazed by the varying degrees of dirt that escapes Reed’s mouth, Connor takes a page out of Hank’s book as the lieutenant would say: “Do go fuck yourself, Detective Reed. I believe that will solve all of your problems.”

Gavin is too stunned to even harp back. That’s a first! Goddamn android saunters off like he’s some hot shot too. Anderson taught him this shit! He knows it! Well…he’ll get this prick back. Today.

“Uh, Connor?” Chris Miller’s eyebrows rise at the android. Coming in slopped up in mud and – that better be mud! “What happened to you?”

“I had a minor accident.” Explaining crisply, Connor’s perturbed affectation is due to his constant gathering of humanity. More simply put: he is pissed off. Holding up his arms did not lessen the entirety of this ruination. His jacket is completely soiled. 

“Just minor?” the officer snorts, returning to computer. “Wait til Hank sees this.” 

Ignoring Officer Miller’s amusement puts Connor on a path for locker room. A swift move that Gavin takes notice of. Removing feet off desk, Reed gets up casually before taking off in the same direction. Whistling on the way downstairs echoes in stairwell but Gavin shuts up by the time that prick could be in earshot. 

Jacket, jeans completely caked in mud, dirty liquid already seeps through white shirt. Jumping a fence into several pedestrians did not end well despite calculations. The thief in question decided to use collateral damage to slow his pursuit. Connor fell face first in a giant puddle of soggy dirt from last night’s rain shower. 

The android strips dirty clothing. Resting shoes atop bench they are remarkably unscathed. Obtaining a locker for himself is both beneficial and rewarding. He never imagined much need for it being an android. Hank was right this time. 

Connor smirks. Stepping out of aisle to enter shower stall he needs to rinse splatters of dirt from synthetic skin. 

Reed takes a peek now seeing the coast clear. “Let’s see you get out of here naked plastic prick.” Gavin proceeds to gather up the droids clothes intent on humiliating the bastard. This will stick it to him on a lesser note but he’ll sit back and laugh his ass off all the same. 

“What the hell did he fall in?!” Gavin holds the muddy pile away from himself. If he gets anything on this jacket he’ll kill somebody. 

      Wet tousled hair smoothes in a comb beneath Connor’s fingers returning to locker. He freezes, running a searchable scan. Where are his clothes? 

“Connor!?” 

Jolting around at your frantic voice floods indicator scarlet. Priming himself to jump into action and protect he steels his fluid stance. You are alone. There is no sign of any distress besides your rising heart rate. Oh.

The android peers down assessing his current absence of clothing. “Nothing to see here.”

Nothing to see? How about broad shoulders ripe for finger digging, clavicles made for flush kisses and a muscle toned body stark naked in the DPD locker room? Connor is absolutely wow. No, really. This is…what??? 

“Um, you’re fucking naked!” 

Raising eyebrows at your language does remind him of Hank. The android remains standing without sense to hide anything about his state of undress. Simply he gazes at you fondly and free of inhibitions. Obviously this is far too intimate. Even in a relationship your embarrassment is palpable. “Are you all right, Y/N?”

A breath escapes in poor answer. Frankly there is nothing to say without making a fool of yourself. It shouldn’t be this nerve wracking. After all you two have been together but not this far yet. 

Connor cocks his head with a tiny smile. Obviously it does not bother him. However, he does not wish for you to feel uncomfortable. “I apologize. Would you like me-?” 

“Connor.” Pressing a palm to his chest stills the entire world. Bare and chiseled just as his sharp cheekbones, sculpted jaw he is a beautiful statue. He’s an ancient work born out of Greece. Tall perfection making you weak in the knees fully clothed. Without you need to start fanning yourself before passing out. 

Keeping eyes up is difficult. You swallow. 

Your touch melts him into you, eyelids drifting in a flutter. His eyelashes are like snow kissing against yours when he leans in to overtake lips. Right now he quietly stands absorbing closeness. Somehow you think this vulnerability eases him and how can you complain?

Cyberlife be praised. They were good for something at least. You giggle. Reaching up to cup his face pulls his head to meet your level. 

Connor’s lips mimic yours touching softly at first. Arms thread to the warm curves of your body. Pulling you flush produces a shared groan into your mouths. His LED is ablaze, frame shuddering pleasurably into your figure. 

Ohhh. You can feel him pressing fully into your groin. 

“Connor.” Bracing hands against the android’s bare chest establishes more. This type of intimacy is new. Wanting it is a personal truth but down in the locker room of the DPD? 

“I realize we have not had this opportunity. Removing our clothes for one another.”

“No,” you agree quiet. “We-we haven’t.” 

“Does it bother you?” Worry replaces lust in your android lover. “If so I will-”

“Connor, nothing in the world involving you would ever make me uncomfortable. Besides, I love what I see.” 

The android grins crookedly. Sweeping you close to show you everything he will offer. His back collides with lockers allowing you power over him. It is a silent turn on for the android known for dominating in combat. 

Tender kisses raining over your lips as stardust. Connor is a star. He’s your star. Glowing forever in your heart and this is the only thing. 

“My Heart,” he whispers into the sweet crook of neck. His tongue traces skin tasting what he loves most in this world. 

A dangerous shiver causes a soft moan to slip. Tracing fingertips down his perfect torso creates a light shade of blue. Shimmering in a blush to synthetic skin, you gasp, smiling up at him. 

“What the fuck!” Reed nearly throws up finding you pressed up against that plastic shithead. Like he needs to see a human and android fucking! 

Wrenching back from your boyfriend leaves a serious problem. It’s pretty obvious since there’s nothing in the locker. You sneer already suspecting! “Get the hell out, Gavin! Better yet. Get Connor’s clothes you asshole!” 

The detective snorts. Crossing arms over his chest, he takes one good look at this fucking shit and doesn’t bother hiding disgust. Fucking androids. Now they’re over here stealing humans for themselves. What a joke. 

“Didn’t take the plastic prick’s shit.” Reed denies but pulls off a cocky smile. Let’s see you prove it. “What? You gotta problem with your robo boy’s package? Ain’t got one?” 

Connor sidesteps from behind you without care. He throws a hot glare onto the human.

“Ah, fuck!” Gavin turns his head. “You son of a bitch! I didn’t need to see your dick!” 

“Certainly were interested enough to bring it up though.” You sneer at the idiot. Can somebody fire this scumbag? “Does that answer your question? Oh, that’s right. You’re embarrassed. Because my boyfriend is obviously way bigger than your teeny pencil dick.” 

Honestly, you know this boy is nice. You saw with your own eyes. Accidentally but knowing what’s in store for later is nice. Better than nice. 

“What the fuck did you…?”

Connor moves in front of you purposely aware of Detective Reed’s disgust. That is why the android smiles.

Gavin throws in the towel. “Jesus Christ! Go ahead and fuck him down here if you want. I’m out!”

Saying there isn’t satisfaction in Reed squirming like the scummy worm he is would be lying. You did enjoy watching him lose it. The filthy comment out of his mouth is so expected at this point nothing phases. Not even Connor still naked as the day he was created. This vantage gives you a direct view of his toned ass. Talk about sculpted perfection.

“Connor.” Calling for him to turn around, averting eyes to save your life, you reach to snag onto his forearm. Bringing the nude android towards lockers the idea is simple. “Um, wait here. And I’ll find where that jackass took your clothes.”

“Y/N, wait.”

Catching onto your waist stills everything. His voice is uneven. Checking his LED it’s not crimson but amber. What is he thinking?

“Then you do not mind seeing all of me.” Hesitation poisons his statement. Part of him does not want the truth. If you do not believe he is worth you- “As this. As my true self?”

A gentle smile answers in place of words. What can be said that is good enough? He is everything in your world. Can that be enough? Of course it is. Love is whatever you want it to be. This is what you want it to be.

“I know your true self. This.” You rub fingers across his chest. Beneath synthetic skin it’s easy to know what he is but that is what you love. All of him no matter what others see.

You indulge firm hands resting on hips. Thankfully deviancy means being bolder. He’s still a cinnamon roll though. Cinnamon roll that can kill you but still fits. “I only see you, Connor. Skin, no skin why should that mean anything? When I love you?”

The android is flooded with readings. Listening, analyzing each hastened beat of heart radiating out of you. Those beats are erratically for – him.

Connor’s smile transcends beyond that cheap grimace that used to twist his mouth. This is bright. Vibrant in humanity, dimples and pride knowing he can have what he wants.

“My Heart,” he pledges an oath. “I love you too.”

That pet name is going to make you drop. Who knew androids could be this romantic? You clear your throat, pointing down but keeping eyes on his. “Want to put that away now?”

“Oh. Obviously.”

Tag List: @elydith  @your-taxidermy  @tropfenlady  @connorswink  @tommy-10-k

[mrhotmaster]

16 Movies You Can Enjoy At Home During Lockdwown

16 Movies Or Series You Can Watch At Your Home During This COVID19 Lockdown

Whether videos of ping-pongs taken to the zoo or cats play games with their owners, the internet in these coronavirus holiday weeks can be an endless entertainment outlet as you ace social distancing.

Better Call Saul, Netflix 

This current one's a moderate burner made by Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould, and is a side project from the previous' massively effective Breaking Bad. 

A great part of the cast of Breaking Bad, spare the two lead characters, show up in this show. The hero of this wrongdoing dramatization is Jimmy McGill played by Bob Odenkirk. 

The show serves as an independent forerunner to Breaking Bad and outlines the moderate plummet of the adorable and road brilliant McGill into the universe of wrongdoing. 

McGill is an independent man who earned his law degree while working in the sorting room, who at that point turns into a seriously paid legal counselor who works out of the back of a nail salon. 

Despite the fringe criminal ways McGill completes things, the cards he has been managed nearly cause one to identify with his obscure character. 

Hunters, Amazon Prime Video 

Motivated by accounts of genuine 'Nazi trackers', the polarizing show follows a diverse gathering of individuals who have decided to unite as one to search out war crooks stowing away (generally) in America under new personalities. 

The show stars Al Pacino as Meyer Offerman, a Jewish altruist and Holocaust survivor who serves as the pioneer of the gathering secretively chasing Nazis in New York. 

While genuine trackers, similar to Simon Wiesenthal, took their discoveries to the police or the media, the show's characters volunteer to vindicate the Jews who endured because of Nazis. 

Also, it is this demeanor that makes their most youthful enlist, Jonah Heidelbaum (Logan Lerman) who assumes his late grandma's position in the gathering, questions everything that he has faith in. 

With components of a retaliation dream and sarcastic comic book-narrating, the show has issues yet there's some heavenly acting in here. 

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Disney Hotstar 

Changing the least complex stuff into heavenly workmanship takes an uncommon ability. What's more, Larry David, author, and co-maker of Seinfeld, who plays a fictionalized variant of himself in Curb Your Enthusiasm, is a past ace. 

To vent his wrath at flimsy tables and tepid espresso, he opens up a 'show disdain toward store', a café directly close to the café with the shaky tables and tepid espresso. 

Without either, obviously. The tenth and freshest period of this arrangement is as applicable to the occasions as could be expected under the circumstances, tossing in references to Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo development. 

There's additionally a scene where David circumvents town wearing a MAGA (Make America Great Again) cap after finding that the adornment promoted by Donald Trump has exactly the intended effect in warding individuals off (social separating before coronavirus).

Afsos, Amazon Prime Video 

This miniseries follows Nakul, an essayist so ineffective that he endeavors to end it all sequentially. He stays safe, yet the equivalent can't be said for the individuals who spare him. 

On the off chance that this plot wasn't sufficiently strange to warrant a watch, Nakul chooses to enroll the assistance of 'changed' contract-executioners who presently 'help' individuals needing to kick the bucket. 

While Nakul, played by Gulshan Devaiah, holds the story together, Heeba Shah as the fatal professional killer Upadhyay is a treat to look for her vacant promise to what she calls 'craftsmanship'. 

Toss in a lot of researchers chasing for an everlasting status mixture, and a sadhu following Nakul because he has all the earmarks of being unfading, and you have a story ready with unexpected developments. 

Coordinated by Anubhuti Kashyap, Afsos has a lot of things amiss with it, yet its chilled demeanor to horrible subjects like mortality and casualty makes it watchable. 

Kidding, Disney Hotstar 

This Jim Carrey starrer is currently gushing on the web and it is suggested in any event, for the individuals who have recently been put off via Carrey's over the top acting in droll works, for example, Ace Ventura. 

Carrey is viewed as Jeff Pickles, a cherished TV moderator who is venerated by kids and grown-ups the same, on account of his long-running manikin appear. 

Mr. Pickles is a fantasy-like individual who shows kids important life exercises. In any case, when he loses one of his twins, his melancholy leaves him distressed and all he needs to do is recognize that misfortune on the show and show his watchers (basically kids) about death, something the producers of his manikin show emphatically restrict. 

The impactful arrangement is a story of how Pickles manages the passing of a youngster, at the same time attempting to secure the multimillion-dollar brand domain that is based on his 'glad' picture. 

Self Made, Netflix 

This restricted arrangement sees Octavia Spencer as the chronicled figure of Sarah Breedlove, generally archived as America's first African-American specialist who proceeded to turn into a tycoon in the mid-1900s. 

The independent business visionary and humanitarian made a realm out of making makeup and hair care items for dark ladies. 

Spencer, commended for her job in the Academy Award-winning film The Help, convincingly plays Breedlove, directly from her long stretches of being a single parent who began by being a washerwoman to help her girl to build a business called the Madam C J Walker Manufacturing Company. 

Coordinated by Kasi Lemmons, the story has been fictionalized somewhat to rethink the battles of a lady conceived on a cotton ranch to an in the past oppressed family, yet the vibe great arrangement is to a great extent dependent on evident occasions. 

Am Not Okay With This, Netflix 

This story about growing up figures out how to viably radiate a feeling of relaxed fear. 

The show begins by revealing to us that the hero, Sydney Novak (Sophia Lillis), is managing each adolescent issue ever young person has ever had. 

But, when she gets extremely furious, the object of her annoyance feels like they've been hit by a concealed scoop. 

Among the most inconspicuous of these anger instigated periods is the point at which Novak's closest companion's beau, whom the hero loathes, begins seeping from his nose out of nowhere. 

Things just deteriorate from that point and Novak has no clue why her wrath can "get things going". 

In light of a comic book by Charles Forman, Novak helps us a little to remember Carrie, the hero of Stephen King's eponymous novel, just as Eleven from Stranger Things since both these little youngsters additionally have supernatural forces, yet the likenesses end there. 

Pushpavalli, Amazon Prime Video 

Season two of this dramatization sees humorist Sumukhi Suresh return as Pushpavalli, a young lady whose exceptionally flawed endeavors at charming a suitor, Nikhil (played by Manish Anand), left watchers alarmed. 

A Tamilian from Bhopal who follows Nikhil to Bengaluru, the in any case clever Pushpavalli keeps on keeping crowds snared with her shamelessly tangled endeavors to snare the man she had always wanted. 

In the wake of hijacking his pooch, paying off a chaiwallah to do her offering and getting her leg broken, Pushpavalli proceeds to discover inventive methods for escaping predicament, so imagine a scenario in which that requires getting connected with to another person, or releasing a reptile among clueless kids. 

Extraordinary notice must be made of Bengaluru-based on-screen character Shraddha in this all-around scripted show as Vasu, the nightie-wearing, hockey stick-using proprietor who runs Pushpavalli's paying visitor settlement. Vasu's character alone merits a show to itself.

Guilty, Netflix 

Enlivened by how those blamed for lewd behavior have gradually advanced go into society, this Karan Johar creation means to revive discussions around the #MeToo development. 

Coordinated by Ruchi Narain, the film stars Kiara Advani as Nanki, whose sweetheart Vijay 'V J' Pratap Singh (Gurfateh Singh Pirzada) is blamed for assaulting his school batchmate. 

A government official's child and an artist, V J is the most dateable person nearby, while the lady who blames him, Tanu (Akansha Ranjan Kapoor), is somebody despised profoundly for being uproarious, consideration chasing and uncaring. 

The film gives the advantage of the uncertainty to the two gatherings, making crowds question if Tanu is imagining everything for exposure (something she is prepared to do), just as throwing questions on V J's Teflon notoriety. 

As the specialists examine, Nanki embarks to discover reality for herself, at the same time doing combating her very own evil presence. 

Mentalhood,  ALT Balaji and zee5 

Karisma Kapoor makes her Web debut as Meira, a mother of three, in this account of how defective guardians attempt to bring up their children as most ideal as. 

A previous Miss Kanpur, Meira has as of late moved to Mumbai to raise a 'cutting edge family' with Sanjay Suri who stars as her obsessive worker spouse. 

The arrangement likewise includes a reliable star cast that incorporates Sandhya Mridul, Tillotama Shome, Shilpa Shukla, Shruti Seth and Dino Morea. 

Made by Ekta Kapoor and coordinated by Karishma Kohli, the show diagrams Meira's development into a blogger who composes on everything from nourishment to sex jobs with expectations of making a child-rearing aide. 

The show seems to be being motivated by the Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman-starred American dramatization Big Little Lies and, in contrast to the American arrangement, this sermonizing arrangement is probably going to be delighted in additional by watchers who have youngsters. 

Life of Speed, Netflix 

This new on-the-square narrative portrays the tale of Juan Manuel Fangio, an Argentinian race vehicle driver who pretty much overwhelmed the primary decade of Formula One by winning the World Drivers' Championship multiple times during the 1950s. 

This record stayed unbeaten till Michael Schumacher went along (as a major aspect of four distinctive hustling groups). 

Coordinated by Francisco Macri, this verifiable narrative plans to comprehend the brain of the hustling legend while looking at the lives of race vehicle drivers who routinely change their lives for the love of speed. 

The high-octane universe of hustling was maybe definitely more hazardous in Fangio's time than it is today considering there was no defensive rigging back then and wellbeing highlights were insignificant. 

Maska, Netflix 

This transitioning film sees Manisha Koirala as a Parsi mother doing combating to get her child associated with the privately-run company of running an Iranian bistro. 

'Nineteen years back when Rumi was conceived, his future had been chosen,' says Jaaved Jaaferi, Koirala's screen spouse. 

Rumi was to grow up and turn into 'a mask-waala' (one who applies spread) like his dad (Jaaferi) before him. 

In any case, he chooses to turn into a Bollywood entertainer. Prit Kamani plays Rumi, the befuddled youthful millennial who starts finding his Parsi legacy simply after separating himself from it. 

Maska is as much about Rumi's excursion as it is a festival of Mumbai's Irani bistros. 

With a reasonable sprinkling of youthful sentiment and family show, this is Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji author Neeraj Udhwani's first endeavor at the course.

Next in Fashion, Netflix 

As Netflix's first endeavor into configuration wars, this unscripted TV drama highlights 18 creators from over the world. 

The candidates are generally experts who have dressed famous people before and have worked with significant design houses, yet none is an easily recognized name, something they all seek to be. 

The show takes one through the way toward making a structure, directly from texture choice and preparing it to the time it's fit to be demonstrated. 

The show is facilitated by Tanveer Wasim France (of Queer Eye popularity) and creator, model and TV moderator Alexa Chung. 

The victor gets prize cash of $250,000, and the opportunity to turn into the following large thing in design. 

There's additional space for motivation for watchers as challengers configuration outfits deserving of the runway, formals for work, just as stylish streetwear. 

Special Ops, Disney Hotstar 

Coordinated by Neeraj Pandey of A Wednesday! what's more, Special 26 popularity and Shivam Nair, this is the most recent Indian spine chiller to be discharged on the web. 

It highlights Kay Menon as Himmat Singh, a senior knowledge official. The story exemplifies how Singh has been pursuing a hypothesis that the real driving force of the 2001 Parliament assault was somebody whose presence nobody thinks about. 

Singh has his operators in remote urban areas and has been spending lavishly on tasks to pursue this man down, and now he needs to legitimize the cash spent. 

Between flashbacks, watchers are up to speed with how Singh's group is attempting to discover this secret miscreant. 

The show helps us a little to remember Manoj Bajpayee's The Family Man, which is a superior show. 

Activity scenes and awful writing in the moderate parts let down an in any case not too bad story, be that as it may, for the stuck-at-home and nothing-to-do, it's something one could thoughtlessly watch. 

Miss Americana, Netflix 

Coordinated by Lana Wilson, whose past movies concentrated on suicide and late-term fetus removal, this venture follows the life of American vocalist lyricist Taylor Swift. 

It opens with Swift being encompassed by journals, markers of individual stories. This is critical since Swift has gotten by out of diverting emotions into melodies that have become graph toppers. 

She's at that point told that her most recent collection, Reputation (2018), has gotten no major Grammy assignments. Quick continues, practically aloof in her methodology. 

Wilson proceeds to show Swift tending to her 'decent young lady' picture that has commanded the last's music profession, and how Swift arrangements with the thought that 'pleasant young ladies don't cause a ripple effect'. 

The story graphs her ascent to distinction just as her longing to please fans, all of which have driven Swift to some dull spots. 

The film shows the private side of Swift, the VIP who despite her whiz status drives a real existence shadowed by forlornness. 

Westworld, Disney Hotstar 

The third period of Westworld is presently spilling on the web, and keeping in mind that it is being praised for getting cutting edge tech references right, we are as yet astonished by the splendid execution of the show's story. 

The story starts in Westworld, an anecdotal, Wild West-themed event congregation where guests can do anything they need, with no results whatever, because the 'individuals' in Westworld are life-like androids. 

These androids are so authentic as people that guests continually come back to the recreation center to play out their most out of control dreams, activities that would be inadmissible in the 'genuine'/world. 

Inconvenience starts when the android has at the recreation center increase awareness about what they truly are. 

This new season sees them escape into this present reality, our reality, after a bloodbath. 

In light of Michael Crichton's 1973 film by a similar name, the arrangement stars Even Rachel Wood as Dolores Abernathy, an insightful android.

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