#obviously i've responded to the actual message but would it be weird to send that too

[eggmeralda]

is it weird to tell my friend I miss having music conversations like we did at uni

[ask-nijiro-nanase]

IMPORTANT MOD POST

TW: mentions of scu/cide, de/th threats, light homophobia, hate talk and generally harsh language and themes please read at your own discretion (this was hastily put together because I have work in like ten minutes please ignore spelling errors im stressed)

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So this happened i guess, these are screenshots i took from the past few days of hate asks i have been receiving for the past week and a notification screenshot i got from around when i started receiving these, and a photo of an ask i got that I had sent to a friend joking about this person consistency of sending me a hate comment several times a day, every day. I made a strict rule for myself that id just delete hate asks and not let them bother me and I have been, at the start i simply deleted these asks and hoped this person (who i assume is the same person repeatedly sending in these using the anon feature) would get bored and leave me alone, which obviously they didn't /: i feel pretty crappy since i kept telling myself that i was just going to ignore and delete these anon asks over and over again but here i am, not ignoring them breaking my own rule, it's only been around five days of this which seems kinda pathetic ig at least it feels pathetic that i couldnt just ignore this person but i have been getting around anywhere from one to six asks a day like this depending on the day, when this first started i was getting a lot of them which I just deleted but as time has went on the asks have reduced to two or three a day but it hasnt stopped completely

over the time I have actually been receiving this I quickly noticed that these are baseless comments, something you could say to hate on pretty much anyone with a roleplay blog. There were no specifics, and also I don't use tumblr ver often so it's not like i really interact with people on here outside this blog, this person does not know me and I certainly don't know them i've kinda been stewing with my thoughts and overthinking on why I started receiving hat and maybe this is completely out there and a wild guess but this person could want attention on them, even if their anon they know that this post I'm making right now, is about them, or they might just want to start shit, honestly I could be completely off and maybe this person had some weird personal motive what do i know at this point???

with the time I've been giving myself thinking about this I have just gotten really in my head and I was very worried that maybe making a post and acknowledging this anon would almost be encouraging the behaviour? and kinda the only reason I'm actually talking about this now is because I'm going to be taking a small break, I am okay ofc, just think a small break would be good for me but this means I probably wont even be checking my ask box or really responding to any messages, comments, reblogs, I'm just going to step back for a little while and focus on other things in my life that need my attention Touching on a few topics from the last time this was an issue with a different blog, the character and I are minors, you're threatening a CHILD even if I wasn't under 18 these are still just horrible things to say to someone and I really really don't want this to be a common thing or a consistent issue because I like doing this, it's fun and I enjoy talking to people on here, anon or not, I'm sure a lot of the other people who have rp blogs do as well and people like this shouldn't ruin that for them, let people do what they want to do on here it isn't disrupting or hurting anything. I'm honestly just dumbfounded I guess to why this even happening? I don't thing I've done anything 'disgusting' 'gross' or otherwise wrong, i really don't want to turn anon off because I love talking to the really nice people who interact with me on anon and I don't want to ruin it for those incredibly kind people because of one person making some nasty comments

If the person who sent me those asks is reading this, please please know that this isn't the right way to get attention or feel better about anything, in general it does nothing good of any sort, it genuinely can hurt people and if you're doing it because you actually feel that way about roleplay blogs, just block those blogs it's really not that hard. Sending in hateful messages like that doesn't give you any sort of good attention, this is something serious and horrible to do and I pity you because something must have brought you to think this is just okay? normal? It's not it's pathetic and I hope that one day you can understand how much your words could affect the people around you. personally i like to think I'm not someone who can be super effected by words, especially online since I know people will be a lot harsher when hiding behind a screen, but to think you could've said this to someone who was genuinely really struggling with their mental health and could've taken your comments to heart is sickening, please reflect on yourself because this behaviour is not only childish but cruel.

--

and to anyone that sent in asks recently I'm super sorry I haven't been able to reply, I have a lot on my plate right now, super busy not only with mid-semester tests and projects coming up due but I have work on top of that and I really haven't found time to answer them, I quickly just wrote up this post so there are probably spelling errors but I'm way too burnt out to fix them right now have a good day and take care of yourself everyone I don't know when I plan on revisiting this blog but I shouldn't be away for too long, promise also sorry if this whole post is just me kind of rambling I just feel kinda lost and I don't even really know how to go about this, ive never done a rp blog before and i have never received hate on any of my blogs before i have no idea what im even doing at this point

[ollieinoue]

Ogden Thanksgiving. The beginning of the night. [ @jessehart ]

"Oh! Oh my god, hang on," Ollie grabbed the edges of his mom's and Gabriel's shirts pulling them in around him and his dad so the four of them could form a little discussion circle, after he spotted Jesse, and his dad lingering close by. "Okay, so this guy up here-- we hate him, okay?" They all looked behind Ollie, much more obviously than he would have liked. Gabriel the only one being subtle while his parents might as well have been gawking at Jesse and Donovan Hart. "Guys…" Ollie said, putting his hand on the side of his Dad's head and pushing it back, making his parents both laugh. "Come on."

"Do we hate both of them?" His mom asked, "or…?"

"No, that's Jesse. We're really good friends. We hate his dad," Ollie said, nodding his head.

"He's on the television," Gabriel said, and Ollie nodded.

"Yes! He is! He's got like one of those shitty doctor talk shows," he said if his parents didn't know, which they didn't. Most of their time was not spent watching daytime TV as they were probably working most of the time. But being disabled, and out of work, of course Gabriel probably knew. "So, like be really subtle about not liking him though. Like just be chill, and pretend you don't know who he is, and undercut his ego. That's what I've been doing. Okay?" They all nodded, and Ollie gave a responding nod. Plan made he turned back towards the Hart's and lead his family that way. "Hey bro," He greeted Jesse with a smile, and putting a hand on his shoulder, using his free one to motion to the three people with him. "I wanted to introduce you to my family! I don't think you've ever gotten to meet them before." A lot of people had whether it was when they visited campus, or if they came with Ollie to NYC for one reason or the other, but he didn't think Jesse ever had.

"This is my mom Faye," the small currently blonde and curly headed woman gave a casual nod in Jesse's direction. "and my dad Ren," the tall Japanese man waved with a cheerful smile. "And this is Gabriel Jiménez! He's Sam's grandfather," he added with a bright smile. Like it wouldn't be weird, or a controversial decision at all to bring him along to the school's thanksgiving dinner, held right in the commons. Like he wasn't doing it to send some sort of message -- whatever that might be. "I don't know if you ever really met her, but…" he said, waving his hand in dismissal. Though that was a lie. Sam said her and Jesse were friends, of course how good of friends was probably up in the air, but they had known each other, and she did consider him a friend (she considered everyone a friend). Either way Ollie thought it was probably a bad idea to draw any connections between Jesse and Sam in front of Jesse's dad.

"Everyone this is my friend Jesse!" He said, smiling brightly, then moved his hand in the direction of Jesse's dad. "And this is Jesse's dad -- uhm," he held his hand out in the direction of the older man, pausing for a few beats, like he forgot his name and was trying to remember it. "Mr. Hart -- I'm sorry I don't remember… Well, I don't think we've ever actually met, anyway." That was not true, he'd definitely done an interview with him before, which definitely went really really badly. But if he was being honest, he didn't really remember many of those details. He'd been extremely high at the time, so maybe he wasn't lying too much there. "I'm Ollie Inoue, one of Jesse's friends, it's nice to meet you!"

[some-pers0n]

You do realize Ao3 is inherently a proship space, right? Like one of the people who created it was an incest shipper. I'm not even saying you HAVE to like all content that's on ao3, but getting upset when people on ao3 related forums are talking about the things that ao3 was built for and refuses to censor is nonsensical

Okey now on my PC so I can actually respond to this in a coherent manner. General TW here for talking about pornography relating to minors and sexual topics.

I've seen this argument countless of times from pro-shippers. I do understand it. I know about the history of Ao3. It's mostly a space used because of areas like FanFiction.Net censoring 18+ works and generally leaving way for sexuality of any kind being censored for being deemed too mature, including same-sex couples at some point.

I am not anti-censorship. Not in the slightest. I think there should be sites like Ao3, where people are allowed to post whatever the hell they want. It's the site full of Freaks and Weirdos. It's the place where Freaks and Weirdos made to host their own freaky and weird content because everywhere else was censoring the word "dick". Censorship is a slippery slope and I think it's bad to simply say: "We should ban this" since it leads way to loopholes that our oppressors would want to exploit.

That being said: it's still disgusting to see people making and posting writing of IRL children who had been forced into the limelight have porn made of them. "Oh it's the internet of course it's going to be there" IT'S STILL FUCKED UP THAT IT'S THERE TO BEGIN WITH AND SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGED OR CONGRATULATED. It's like seeing somebody make deep-fake porn out of a picture of a child and being like: "Well I mean it's not really being done to an actual child, only a picture of it, and besides it's the internet what can you do :P" THAT IS CHILD PORN.

I'm not sorry for thinking it's hysterical and absolutely pathetic to come whining to a bunch of people that your fic where you wrote a child being raped and turned into a sex toy for a 50 year old man is getting "mean ol' antis" telling them that it's disturbing and gross. Holy shit please find a better way to cope with your trauma than to make writing that is designed to titillate and arouse people with this stuff happening to teenagers.

Not to also mention that Ao3 itself can censor stuff too! Recently that one volunteer got kicked off because they had "from the river to the sea" in their bio because it ""promoted violence"". So it's perfectly okay to have people post about nazis and racist pedophilic shit on there, but to have somebody have a message in their bio??? Shut it down folks.

I respect Ao3 on some level for its insitance on censorship (most times)(unless you support Palestine and don't want an entire culture wiped out then apparently that's bad), but I still find it disturbing and incredibly disgusting how its normalized and how these people have a victim complex. I've seen how they act whenever they're called out for writing gross stuff.

Self-proclaimed proshippers will make antis out like they're moronic teenagers who send death threats to people over writing enemies-to-lovers. Obviously, no, you shouldn't harass people over fictional ships. You shouldn't harass people in general. Harassment over something as simple as a person making a kinky smutty oneshot is dumb. Sending death threats is worse.

It's a mentality that antis are just hysterical and can't think for themselves, brainwashed by sex-negativity and can't just let people be people. Yeah, obviously that's bad. Anybody who sends hate, death threats, and harassment to a person who's just writing normal smut with nothing really bad about it (ie, no children, no incest, nadda nothing), is just stupid. It's ESPECIALLY moronic when it's a ship that is only a smidge problematic. That's stupid.

What isn't stupid is being upset over extremely taboo content being hosted on the site and people just being like: "Well you're just a snowflake anti for saying the author is weird for liking this". I don't think you should deliberately seek content like this out just to hate (again, harassment dumb), but it's so disgusting to act like it's completely fine and dandy for smut of real children to be hosted there and just be like: "Eh, what happens happens".

I'm here on those subreddits just to talk about fanfic and tropes. I like being silly and doing the funny little stuff. What exhausts me more than anything is when people will come whining about getting a hate comment when, surprise surprise, their fic that is mostly children being raped is being hated on for being a fic about children being raped for the sake of sexual pleasure.

Write as much as it as you want, just don't act all surprised and like you're the victim here when people think you're vile.

[nowcrashing]

File this under "things no one is allowed to say to me ever again":

And it was always on your terms, I waited on every careless word, hoping they might turn sweet again like it was in the beginning.

Months later, here's roughly how I wish I'd responded to this:

Me: Why did you send this? Him: [Says something about how he's just joking or how he sent it to me because I wrote him a long message] Me: Let me approach this question differently. When I read these messages, what it made me think is that you want to talk less, and because of that, when I contact you too often or write too much, it annoys you and/or makes you feel stressed, but for whatever reason you don't want to tell me that, so you made a joke. Am I right about that, and if I'm wrong, what am I missing? Him: [A) he admits to it, or B) he responds with something along the lines of "whoa I was just joking calm down it's not that serious"] My response to A: Ok. Well in the future it would be a good idea for you to try to be more in touch with your emotions and be honest about it when you're not feeling something anymore. I'm glad to hear you didn't meanto hurt my feelings, but the reality is that this is the kind of thing that's likely to actually impact me. Like I can see myself talking to someone in the future and having this niggling thought in the back of my mind that's like "don't say all this. You're annoying him. He doesn't want to hear all that. You need to talk less." Even now I'm kind of feeling like I should edit this message a few times for length before sending it to you. But anyway... given the nature of our relationship and the fact that we weren't going to see each other again after ___ no matter what happened, I don't think we need to fight about this. But I don't think there is any need to get together again either. I hope you feel better soon and that you have a good visit with your mom. My response to B: Ok. I'll take you at your word that you were just joking and you didn't mean anything by it, but I want to be honest and clear and say that I don't like this joke. I can control the way I talk, but the reality is that when I'm comfortable with someone or when I'm trying to get to know someone, I can be long-winded at times. Hearing you say that my natural way of talking is anxiety-inducing just signals to me that I should stop talking to you, or if I do, I should talk to you like an acquaintance rather than a friend. So that is actually what I'm going to do. We weren't going to see each other again after ___ anyway, no matter what happened, so I feel like now is as good of a time as any to cut things off. I hope you feel better soon and that you have a good visit with your mom.

Obviously this is just my imagination of how the convo could have gone. Probably this little dialogue tree would have been derailed immediately. But my point in writing this is to highlight two things I wish I had done:

Speak up for myself and say that that was not a nice thing to say

End things there.

----

I can't even tell Zebby about this because if you want to meet up again I know I'm going to go, and I don't want anyone to know that I let you say that to me and get away with it.

I'm so mad and bitter that this started off so good and now I'm just letting you walk all over me.

I keep telling myself never again, and most of me believes that I will be able to hold myself to that in situations that aren't like this where we're breaking up no matter what and that makes everything weird. But at the same time, I've never done it before. I have done fine at leaving/breaking up when it's time (even though I often wait until all plausible deniability is gone, even when that's way too long), but I've never truly spoken up for myself in a relationship and demanded a change in behavior or demanded that the other person thinks about things from my pov and tries to understand how I feel. So idk. I don't know if my somewhat faith in myself is warranted at all.

Just picking a random post to write this at the bottom of bc I'm tired of making new ones.

My affirmations:

It's good if I don't hear from you.

I don't want to hear from you.

The sooner I stop hearing from you, the sooner I start properly moving on from this sad end to the relationship.

I don't love you.

I don't need you.

I'll be happier once this thing is over and done with.

Again:

It's good if I don't hear from you.

I don't want to hear from you.

The sooner I stop hearing from you, the sooner I start properly moving on from this sad end to the relationship.

I don't love you.

I don't need you.

I'll be happier once this thing is over and done with.

One day down.

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope, Sollux Captor, Equius Zahhak

Act 5, page 2543

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6:12 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PCG 6:12 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

PCG: OK I THINK I SET THIS UP RIGHT.

PCG: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER BOARD NAME.

PCG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE NAME IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SINCE THAT'S THE NAME THAT

PCG: UH

PCG: I ALREADY READ.

PCG: WOW THAT PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANYBODY.

PCG: WHATEVER, IT'S JUST A STUPID NAME, LET'S JUST DO THIS.

PCG: THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN USING TROLLIAN'S WEIRD TRANSTIMELINE FEATURES WHICH I DON'T EVEN REALLY UNDERSTAND YET.

PCG: BUT I'M GUESSING MIGHT BE USEFUL.

PCG: I'VE INCLUDED ALL TWELVE PLAYERS IN THE SUBSCRIPTION LIST SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE ABLE TO READ THESE MEMOS AT ANY TIME.

PCG: THAT IS, ALL THE MEMOS POSTED, PAST AND FUTURE. I THINK.

PCG: IT COULD GET PRETTY TEMPORALLY CONFUSING OBVIOUSLY. I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE MEMOS AS SIMPLE AND LINEAR AS POSSIBLE.

PCG: ALSO LET'S KEEP THIS A ONE-WAY-ONLY BULLETIN TO MAKE THIS AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE.

PCG: DO NOT REPLY TO MY MEMOS!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHATROOM, ASSHOLES.

PCG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME IN RESPONSE TO A MEMO, MESSAGE ME IN PRIVATE AT THE APPROPRIATE POINT ON THE TIMELINE.

PCG: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT THE TEAMS.

PCG: AS OF NOW, YOU SHOULD ALL BE AWARE THAT THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE TEAM, AND WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER.

PCG: AND BY "NOW" I MEAN TIME LOCAL TO ME AS OF WRITING THIS.

PCG: SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE PAST...

PCG: UH OK FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE ALREADY? SECOND WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME.

PCG: WHATEVER I DIGRESS.

PCG: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE THEN WHO CARES, IT'S PROBABLY OLD NEWS TO YOU.

PCG: ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT READING THIS IN THE FUTURE?

PCG: IT'S LIKE ANY BULLETIN BOARD, YOU POST STUFF AND IT SITS THERE FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE IN "THE FUTURE" READ IT.

PCG: HUH. BIG FUCKING DEAL I GUESS.

PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 5:51 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PGC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!

PGC: WHO C4R3S!!!!! >:O

PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.

PCG: ANYWAY LIKE I WAS SAYING.

PCG: ONE BIG TEAM, OVER WHICH I HAVE ASSUMED TOTAL LEADERSHIP.

PCG: I WILL ASSUME THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO STAY THIS WAY FOR THE DURATION OF OUR QUEST, AND THAT I WILL REMAIN AN IMPECCABLE LEADER FOR A SPAN OF HUNDREDS OF HOURS WHILE I GUIDE US ALL TO A STUNNING VICTORY.

PCG: IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASSUME.

PCG: I BROWSED THROUGH THIS WHOLE BULLETIN IN ADVANCE, AND IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE CASE. GO ME.

PCG: IN FACT, SINCE I'VE SEEN WHAT I WILL WRITE IN THE FUTURE, I WONDER WHAT IMPETUS I WILL HAVE FOR WRITING IT LATER WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO?

PCG: I WONDER IF I COULD JUST COPY/PASTE IT... HOLD ON.

PCG: DAMN.

PCG: I GUESS THEY THOUGHT OF THAT? I DUNNO. I TRIED TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE BULLETIN AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING, I CAN'T SEE THE WHOLE THING ANYMORE.

PCG: UNLESS I LOOK AT IT ON ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS...

PCG: OR MAYBE IF YOU SEND ME LIKE A TEXT FILE OF IT? WOULD THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING?

PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS SO STUPID.

PCG: I ACTUALLY REMEMBER READING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO, AND NOW HERE I AM TYPING IT ANYWAY.

PCG: I PROBABLY CAN'T AVOID TYPING ANY OF THIS, HOW WEIRD IS THAT.

PCG: I HATE TIME TRAVEL.

PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 0:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PTA: eheheheheh KK iim ba2iically ju2t lmao here at thii2, WOW.

PCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED.

PTA: dude don't worry ii wont fuck up your memo for long, ii ju2t cant beliieve thii2 wa2 the biig rea2on you wanted "future me" two help you open tho2e port2.

PTA: two ba2iically ju2t babble about paradoxe2 and argue wiith your2elf for hundred2 of page2 heheheh.

PCG: OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS FROM LIKE 5 HOURS IN THE FUTURE JUST TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME, NICE.

PCG: WELL THANKS FOR THE HELP, SO WHEN DO I BAN YOU, FUTURE BOY?

PTA: a few liine2 down, after ii pretend liike iim goiing two diie.

PTA: iim 2ure for a laugh on account of my iimmiinent banniing, FUCK how could you even do that two me.

PTA: 2o cold man.

PCG: ARE YOU REALLY STILL SORE AT ME FIVE HOURS LATER FOR RUNNING THAT VIRUS, GOD DAMN GET OVER IT.

PCG: IT WAS YOUR FUCKING VIRUS ANYWAY, YOU'RE TO BLAME.

PTA: eheh no bro we're cool about that, now future you ii2 connectiing wiith me 2o ii can enter the game.

PCG: OH YEAH?

PTA: yeah 2o thank2 for that fiive hour2 iin advance.

PCG: THIS IS BS ISN'T IT.

PCG: TROLLING ME FROM THE FUTURE, HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET.

PTA: no man iit2 true, we are bulge bumpiing pupa pal2 agaiin.

PCG: OH FUCK THIS CONDESCENDING FUTURE KNOWITALL ACT, WE AREN'T BUMPING SHIT, YOU ARE SO BANNED.

PTA: nooooooo, not the ban, it buuuuuuurn2, oh god hahahaha.

PTA: waiit.

PTA: oh god.

PTA: iit doe2 burn.

PTA: 2omethiing'2 wrong, iim 2eriiou2!

PTA: that horriible p2ychiic noii2e

PTA: the voiice2

PTA: they're all goiing two diie

PTA: oh 2HiiT iim bleediing

PTA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

PTA: thii2 ii2 bad

PTA: ii have two get her iin quiick

PTA: got two go

PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.

PCG: AND SO THE PORCINE HOOF BELONGING TO THE SWOLLEN HAG KNOWN AS LADY DESTINY HAS STOMPED ANOTHER THROAT.

PCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS IS NEXT?

PCG: NOBODY???

PCG: OK, GOOD.

PCG: ALTHOUGH I'M FAIRLY SURE I REMEMBER SOMEONE ELSE CHIMING IN BEFORE I CLOSED THIS MEMO.

PCG: YOU ADD DISORDERED SHIT RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF THE ROE HOLE, CAN YOU.

PCG: SOLLUX, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, OR PAST REFERENCE OR WHATEVER

PCG: IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT KIND OF ROLEPLAYING, YOU CAN START YOUR OWN BULLETIN.

PCG: YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME.

PCG: EVERYONE WILL BE SO CONFUSED BY THE TIME PARADOXES, IT WILL DISTRACT THEM FROM HOW AWFUL THEIR TERRIBLE HOBBIES ARE.

PCG: CHOOSE YOUR CLASSES NOW! LEVEL 69 NOOKSNIFFER IS UP FOR GRABS, WHO WANTS IT.

PCG: NO THAT'S NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU FUCKING NERDS TO COME IN HERE AND CORRECT ME ON YOUR GODDAMN FAIRY ELVES.

PCG: JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME BANNED FROM THAT ONE OK.

PCG: I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR IF YOU NERD UP MY MEMOS, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FUCKING NERDS ARE ON THIS TEAM.

PCG: JUST REMEMBER THIS IS MY PERSONAL PODIUM, A STUMP IF YOU WILL, FOR SOLE USE BY ME AS LEADER FOR IMPORTANT LEADERSHIP BUSINESS.

PCG: GOT IT?????????

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 612 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: GROAN.

FCG: THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

FCG: WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.

PCG: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

PCG: OK, I'M FED UP WITH THIS MEMO, GONNA CLOSE IT OUT.

PCG: YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN LATER WHEN I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, I.E. JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU DOUCHE.

PCG: IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE ALREADY.

PCG: BECAUSE OF

PCG: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEL!

PCG: I KNOW, RIGHT?

PCG: ANYWAY, JUST TO REITERATE:

PCG: FULL STEAM AHEAD

PCG: LEADER = ME FOREVER, OBVIOUSLY

PCG: PEACE THE FUCK OUT DBAGS

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> I'd like to add to this useless memorandum

CCT: D --> That I still don't recognize the validity of your leadership

PCG: SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S OOZING VESTIGIAL THIRD ORAL SPHINCTER.

PCG: HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO STUPID.

CCT: D --> It may be true that we are all playing in the same session, but I see no reason to disband the former power structure

CCT: D --> Especially if it means instituting a tactical midget with a short fuse, a foul mouth, and paralyzing insecurity over the color of his b100d

CCT: D --> That's all I have to say

PCG: OH I HAVE A SHORT FUSE! THAT'S VERY FUNNY, YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR ME LAUGH OVER THE SOUND OF THE ROBOT YOU ARE PROBABLY BEATING TO DEATH.

PCG: OR DOING WORSE TO.

PCG: HEY, YOU DO KISS YOUR ROBOTS, RIGHT?

CCT: D --> Uh

PCG: MIGHT AS WELL CLEAR THE AIR AS LONG AS WE'RE BROADCASTING THIS ACROSS THE ENTIRE SPACETIME CONTINUUM.

CCT: D --> Not usually

PCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PCG: THE FUNNY THING IS IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE UNDISPUTED LEADER, EVEN YOU.

PCG: YOU WILL BE STANDING ON THE TIPPYTOES OF YOUR IDIOTIC METAL SHOES, TAKING DELICATE PURCHASE OF MY NUBBY HORNS AND HOISTING YOURSELF OVER MY HEAD TO PUT YOUR SWEATIEST TOUGH GUY SMOOCH UPON MY TWITCHING SPINE LUMP.

PCG: IT WILL BE TENDER AND DEFERENTIAL, LIKE A PAUPER KISSING A NOBLE'S RING.

PCG: JUST SCROLL DOWN, READ THE LOGS.

CCT: D --> Nowhere have I seen evidence of this

CCT: D --> Most of this is you from various points in time raving about nonsense and arguing with yourself

CCT: D --> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke

CCT: D --> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity

CCT: D --> It seems I'm the one to inform you of this up front

CCT: D --> Which is likely why you persist with the ingratiating charade against better judgement

PCG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU

CCT: D --> What do you mean

PCG: THIS EXCITES YOU, BEING THE TOUGH GUY AND PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING THE AWESOME LEADER IN HIS PLACE.

PCG: YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING UP A GOOD SWEAT.

PCG: HOPE YOU ALCHEMIZED A BUNCH OF SPARE TOWELS.

PCG: HEY WHY DON'T YOU && THEM WITH YOUR SPONGEY BRAIN FOR EXTRA ABSORBENCY.

CCT: D --> How do you know about my perspiration problem

CCT: D --> I mean, aside from reading about it in this memo

CCT: D --> Wait

CCT: D --> Fudgesicles

PCG banned CCT from responding to memo.

PCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ming-yu-hao]

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder | Chapter 3

Pairing: fratboy!mingyu x female reader

Word Count: 6k

Synopsis: When you transferred to a different university, you and Wonwoo promised that you would make long distance work. But distance proves to be more difficult than you both originally thought.

This Chapter’s Tags: angst, protected sex, finger sucking, grinding, light choking/spanking/dirty talk, mingyu just being an ass man, riding, cheating obviously

Warning: THIS SERIES IS ABOUT CHEATING. DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!

A/N: Y’ALLLLL I’m sorry this took me forever to upload... I just got super busy but there won’t be as long as a wait for the next chapter! As always feedback is appreciated and I hope you guys like this :)

Chapters: Previous | Next | Masterlist

Your knees quivered beneath you as you pulled the soft fabric of your leggings up your thighs and over your hips. You bent down to pick up your shirt that was still balled up on the floor, and when you stood again you could hear the bed rustle behind you as Mingyu shifted his weight.

Guilt didn't hit you until you slipped your shirt back over your head, fully dressing yourself once again.

What had you done?

Without looking at him, you spoke: "I think I should go now."

He was silent.

You stepped over to the door, your hand about to twist the knob when he finally called out to you.

"Y/N."

You looked at him. He was sitting up on his bed; his dark hair was a mess, hanging over his forehead. His lips were parted like he didn't know what to say.

"Um, don't forget your jacket. It's cold outside." He pointed to your jacket that was still discarded on the floor.

"Oh, thanks," you said with your voice wavering. You quickly picked up the jacket and headed for the door again.

"Text me when you get home, okay?" Mingyu rushed to say. The corners of his mouth quirked up into a thin, awkward smile and you nodded your head in response.

Why did he suddenly care? He used to just be some guy you sat next to in class. When did he want to become your friend? When did he start to become protective over you? Was this all really just because of his half-drunken encounter with you at that party? Did the moment you two shared that night cause him to feel some kind of attachment to you? Thinking about it all made your head spin. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You turned the knob and cracked open the door when Mingyu spoke again.

"Um, also... you know, if you ever need anything... I'm here for you." His voice shook a bit.

You exhaled. "Thank you."

You slipped out of his room before he could say anything else and stepped down the stairs quietly, attempting to dart out the front door before anyone could see you. There was a small group of people hanging out in the living room like Mingyu had said, their laughter and conversations loud and echoing through the house.

When you reached the bottom of the stairs, you kept your gaze down at your feet while you scanned the floor for your shoes.

"Y/N?" You heard a voice call from behind you.

You huffed out a quiet breath in frustration before turning around with an overly sweet smile on your face. Your eyes landed on Seungcheol.

"Oh, hey! It's weird not seeing Jisoo following you around." You joked.

Seungcheol smiled sheepishly. "Yeah..." He trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"Are you guys dating?" You probed with a raised eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, actually." He admitted, making eye contact with you. Curiosity plagued you, and you stared at him expectantly as you waited for him to speak. "I wanna do something special for her when I ask her out... just cause, I don't know, I really like her." He stammered nervously, lowering his voice so no one could eavesdrop.

You gave him a genuine smile. You were happy that Jisoo had found someone that truly liked her. Ever since the beginning of the semester, she had been cycling through an array of terrible guys that used and ghosted her. Seungcheol seemed like a genuinely good person; you trusted him to take care of her.

You brought your hand to your chin as you pondered for a moment. "Well, if I'm being honest, she's, like, a huge hopeless romantic. Loves cheesy romance movies and stuff." You started, "If you took her out to a nice dinner and walked around some really pretty, romantic place after, that'd be her dream come true."

Seungcheol nodded, his eyes glazed over in deep thought as he acknowledged your advice. "Yeah, that sounds like her." He smiled. "Thanks."

You nodded. "So... how did the raffle go?"

"It went really good, actually." He responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "The money's going to a child psychology organization. I've been doing research with them for a few months now."

Your eyes lit up in interest at his story. "That's really cool. Have you discovered any groundbreaking research yet?" You half-joked.

He chuckled, "I guess a little bit."

A lightbulb suddenly went off in your brain. "Hey, do you think I could interview you about all this research stuff you've done? I need to write an article for class."

Seungcheol shrugged. "Sure."

You spent the next few minutes probing him about how he got involved in the program, what he had been researching, his motivation to study child psychology—all while taking down notes on your phone. He explained to you how he had struggled with anxiety his whole life and wanted to find a way to help others. In the back of your mind, this was all affirming why he was such a good match for Jisoo. He was caring, passionate, charitable. Your heart warmed at the thought of Jisoo finally settling down with someone who was actually a good person.

Your interview came to an end and you thanked Seungcheol for helping you out. He nodded before glancing down at the jacket you were carrying in your arms.

"Were you planning on leaving?" He asked.

"Yeah, I need to go work on homework and stuff." You answered.

He attempted to suppress his smirk by biting his lip. "You and Mingyu didn't get much work done together?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. "What?"

"Relax, I'm just kidding." Seungcheol laughed. "He just seemed comfortable with you earlier, you know?"

The tension in your stomach loosened a little as you realized that he didn't actually know what happened between you two. This is exactly what Mingyu was worried about earlier. So it was true that Seungcheol liked to play matchmaker and get involved in everyone else's relationships.

"There's nothing going on between you guys?" Seungcheol questioned after you didn't respond.

You felt your cheeks grow hot with irritation. "No. I have a boyfriend." You said curtly.

Seungcheol's mouth formed an O-shape at the sudden coldness in your tone. "I-I'm sorry, I was just kidding." He quickly apologized.

"It's okay." You sighed. You glanced around for your shoes, avoiding his regretful gaze.

"Well, I really have to get going. Thanks for helping me out." You said as you slipped on your shoes.

He smiled apologetically and walked you over to the door. "See you, Y/N!" He called behind you as you stepped out into the cold.

You buried yourself in work for the next two days. You figured it was easier to just get lost in the flow of doing assignment after assignment rather than to think about what happened.

But no matter what you did, your mind still wandered back to that moment—when your lips finally met Mingyu's, and his body pressed against yours.

The worst part was that you didn't even try to stop him: you had agreed to it, and God, you even thanked him for it! You weren't even sure if you could regret what happened. You hated yourself for betraying Wonwoo's trust, but at the same time you craved attention and affection. Mingyu just happened to be the one that fulfilled your wishes after all this time.

You would never tell Mingyu that, of course. Honestly, you were unsure if you could even face him about it. He could tell that you felt guilty afterwards. If you just finished this stupid project and avoided him for the rest of the semester, he would probably get the hint and leave you alone.

It was Saturday evening when you typed the last words of your article on Seungcheol and his research. You hadn't talked to Mingyu since you left his room on Thursday night, but you needed him to complete his share of the work. Sighing, you picked up your phone and pulled up your messages with him. You quickly explained what kind of pictures he needed to take and told him to send them to you (so you could avoid seeing him anymore than you needed to).

You clicked out of your conversation, and that's when your eyes landed on the messages that were still unread by Wonwoo. You wanted to ask him what he was doing, but after three days with no response, it felt pathetic to even attempt to strike up a conversation now.

The sound of the door knob jiggling startled you before Jisoo busted into the room a moment later.

"Y/N!" She cheered in a sing-song voice. "We have another party to go to tonight!"

You already knew exactly where this party was going to be, and you felt your stomach drop at the thought of running into Mingyu.

You shook your head. "No way, Jisoo. I'm way too busy." You lied.

She pouted her lips at you. "Really? You've been working nonstop. How're you still not done?"

You shrugged and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Well, you can take a break for a few hours. I promise I won't leave you this time. You can hangout with me and Cheol." She begged, looking at you with wide, saddened eyes.

Your phone vibrated between your hands, and when you glanced down you saw Mingyu's name on the screen.

Mingyu: I'm actually gonna be out studying and working on some stuff with a friend tonight. I promise I'll get the pics for you tomorrow :) Sent at 7:37 PM

You thought it was a little weird for a guy like Mingyu to be studying on a Saturday night, but when you realized that he wouldn't be at the party, relief flooded over you.

You looked up at Jisoo and saw her still expectantly staring at you, waiting for your response.

"I- I guess I could go for a bit."

"YES!" Seungkwan shrieked as he successfully landed another ball in one of Jisoo's cups. He turned to you and wildly smacked your palm in a high five, nearly hitting you in the face. Your stomach was starting to hurt from laughing for the past ten minutes over the intense match of beer pong in front of you.

The crowd around the table reacted loudly, some cheering and some booing as Jisoo downed another cup of alcohol. She shivered at the taste and Seungcheol came up from behind to pat her on the back. His lips moved as he said something to her, but with music blasting through the house so loud, you couldn't make out a single word.

Your phone vibrated in your back pocket. Without much thought, you pulled it out and quickly glanced at the screen.

Your heart sank into your stomach as you realized: Wonwoo was calling.

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath. You had completely forgotten that Saturday's were now reserved for your FaceTime dates.

You looked up at everyone with wide eyes, but they were too immersed in the game to notice your reaction. You pushed your way through the crowd and slipped into the bathroom before Jisoo or anyone else could come looking for you.

By the time you reached the bathroom and locked the door, the FaceTime call had already stopped ringing. Leaning against the door, you scrolled through your contacts and called back, but only as a phone call.

Wonwoo answered after two rings.

"Hey, everything alright?" He asked.

You swallowed. "Uh... yeah."

"Why didn't you FaceTime?" He continued. You hesitated, but then he spoke before you could say anything. "Why is it so loud? Where are you?"

You cursed yourself for not running away to a room that was farther away from all the music and noise outside the door. Fidgeting with your fingers, you answered: "A party."

"Oookay," he scoffed. "You could've at least let me know if you were gonna go out. But it's fine. Have fun, I guess." He responded coldly.

Your brows furrowed together instinctively. Now it was your turn to scoff at him. "You're not serious, are you?" The skin of your face grew warmer. Wonwoo was quiet. "I forgot. Sorry." You admitted through grit teeth.

"Why're you so mad?" He questioned in a defensive tone.

You rolled your eyes. "This is the first time I've ever cancelled on you and it was an accident. Do I need to remind you of all the times you ditched me?"

Wonwoo didn't respond.

"And what the fuck have you been doing the past three days that you couldn't respond to me?" You spat. Blood was rushing through your veins quickly now as anger took over.

He sighed through the receiver. "I was busy."

"Does it really take that much time to send a text to your fucking girlfriend?" Your voice began to rise. "How do you expect this to work if you don't even talk to me?"

"I'm sor-" He began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"You know, sometimes it feels like I'm dating nobody!" You cried. "Do you even realize how lonely I feel?" Your voice shook with each word as your throat grew tighter; tears welled up in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, but all the frustration you had bottled up the past couple months was finally spilling over.

In a calm voice, all Wonwoo said was: "I'm trying."

"Not hard enough." You scoffed.

"What the fuck, Y/N? Where is this coming from?" He cried. The sudden rise in his voice startled you a bit.

The phone shook in your grasp. "You act like I don't even exist! How can you call that trying?"

"Fuck, I'm not dealing with this right now. Go back to your stupid fucking party." He snapped.

"Yeah, just go and ignore me again!" You laughed sardonically.

The three tones of the call ending sounded abruptly. You looked down at your phone in shock. He had hung up on you.

Your hands balled into fists as you threw your head back against the door. Your jaw was tense, but your bottom lip still quivered.

He had done it again. It seemed it was becoming easy for him at this point—abandoning you when you needed him.

This wasn't going to last much longer if the two of you couldn't figure this out.

When you pressed your lips into a thin line, tears slipped down, staining the bags under your eyes with makeup.

Was he giving up on you?

Your head began to pound. You couldn't stand being in this hot bathroom any longer, much less this party in general. You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand and turned to unlock the door.

As you took a step out of the bathroom, you kept your gaze locked on your feet; you didn't want anyone to notice the state you were currently in.

Not even a moment after opening the door, you collided with a tall, warm body.

"Sorry," you mumbled, pushing past.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice called. Strong hands grasped your forearm, and you glanced up at the figure.

Mingyu.

What force was bringing you back to him once again?

His lips parted in a small gasp as he noticed the redness in your tearful eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Come here."

Before you could protest, he guided you back into the bathroom, closing and locking the door so no one could bother you two.

You kept your eyes down at the ground, unable to look at him. As he approached you, the heat of his skin radiated against you.

"I thought you were out studying." You spoke, breaking the silence.

Mingyu's hands found your jaw. He ran the smooth skin of his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping the tears that remained. "I finished early," he explained.

"Look at me," Mingyu whispered. You swallowed and blinked before meeting his eyes.

You didn't notice the thin, black-rimmed glasses that were resting on his nose before. His dark hair was pushed back, and his tan skin glowed under the bathroom light. You hated how instinctively drawn you felt to his presence.

You started to think that Kim Mingyu might be the Devil, disguised in the form of a beautiful boy that always knew the right words to say. He was here to tempt you, to swindle you at your most vulnerable moments, to test your fidelity. And you were weak enough to cave in.

"Is it your boyfriend?" He asked.

The gaze he held on you was so intense that you found yourself staring at the frames of his glasses instead of his eyes. You nodded silently in response to his question.

"Talk to me. What happened?" Mingyu cooed as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.

"I-" You started, but let out a sigh instead. "We just fought. I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it." You rambled.

"Okay," he nodded. "Sorry if I pushed it." He removed his hands from your face. The skin suddenly felt cold without his touch.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "We can talk about something else."

You stood still, nodding, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"You know," Mingyu started, "You look really pretty. Even when you're crying." Your skin flushed at the compliment.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you wiped the last remnants of makeup off your cheeks. "Is that your go-to line for every girl?" You joked.

"No," he replied. "Just cause I'm in a frat doesn't mean I'm a douche."

You snickered under your breath. "Yeah, but there's gotta be so many girls that hit on you."

"There's some," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean I flirt back."

Your legs were beginning to grow tired from standing, so you walked over to the counter and sat on the edge. You gripped the ledge to keep your balance, swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingyu stood in his same spot, but turned in your direction. He quirked his eyebrows at you. "Are you suggesting that I'm attractive enough to have hundreds of girls swooning over me?" He shot you a teasing grin.

You chuckled and shook your head. "You wish."

Mingyu's jaw dropped in a fake expression of shock as he came closer to you, but he stood to the side to stare at himself in the mirror. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" You inquired.

"Since forever." He replied.

Mingyu placed his hands on the edge of the counter, pushing his weight onto them. The muscles in his arms were prominent through his black shirt. Your eyes dragged across his figure, eventually landing on his face again.

"I like them. They look good." You said.

He glanced at you, his eyes laced with hints of suspicion. "Thanks," he said with his voice a little uneven. He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Did I help get your mind off him a bit?"

You winced at the mention of Wonwoo, but nodded. "Yeah, you did. Thank you." You exhaled.

Mingyu smiled to himself and his eyes met yours once again. "Good. I feel like it's the least I can do to help."

As you stared at him, you admired his features—his soft, clear complexion and plump lips. You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you; his hand was resting only a few inches away from your thigh. Your mind thought back to how it felt when those hands caressed the bare skin of your body. Impulsively, your thighs pressed together at the revisitation of the memory.

The room felt like it had instantly shot up ten degrees, and the heat left your judgement clouded like a foggy mirror. If Mingyu really was the Devil, his plan was working.

You leaned towards him until your face was only a few inches from his. Your breath caught in your throat as you went to speak.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." You admitted quickly, your eyes focused on his lips.

Mingyu backed away. "Are you drunk?" He asked. His eyes were wide with concern as he scanned you.

You remained where you were, embarrassment creeping up on you as you rapidly shook your head. "I haven't drank anything."

Mingyu chewed on his bottom lip. "I- I don't think it's a good idea. After last time..." he trailed off, glancing up to peek at your reaction. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret again."

"I don't regret it." You blurted before you could stop yourself.

You weren't sure what you were doing or where you wanted to go with this, but you couldn't stop. A feeling of lust had possessed you at this point, controlling your every word and action.

Mingyu looked taken aback at your confession, standing up straighter. His lips were parted in uncertainty, but you watched as his eyes flicked down to look at your lips.

"You don't?" He asked, inching closer to you.

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest now. You quickly shook your head. "No."

His right hand found a place to rest under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him as his face neared yours. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

Desire had overcome you so strongly at this point that you couldn't bring yourself to answer him through words. Instead, you crashed your lips onto his.

Mingyu responded eagerly, his kisses fueled with the same amount of force. Your hands quickly found purchase on the nape of his neck, pulling his body closer to yours. Right as you spread your legs to allow him to stand in between them, Mingyu's tongue darted against your lips, slipping into your mouth when you parted your lips for him.

He placed his left hand on your inner thigh, roughly squeezing the flesh between his fingers as he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, and he dragged his other hand down to the small of your back to pull you closer to him.

Now your core was pressed against his. Mingyu removed his lips from yours, only to place open-mouthed kisses on the area below your ear. You jerked your hips up as he nibbled lightly on the skin, the friction between your thighs growing.

Your jaw hung open as your arousal increased with each moment; your breathing became heavy while you panted into his ear. He sucked on your collarbone, and a chill shot it's way up your spine. You whimpered loudly and you could feel Mingyu smirk against your skin.

"You sound so pretty," he mumbled, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. He lifted his head, his tongue poking out of his cheek while he observed you. Your head was thrown back, eyes half shut, and you were ever so slightly grinding your hips against his for the smallest bit of relief.

Mingyu brought his fingers up to your lips, tapping on the soft skin to catch your attention. "Suck," he said, watching as you obediently parted your lips for him. He shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and pressed them down against your tongue. You could feel wetness building up between your legs. Even though it wasn't anything extreme, Wonwoo never did stuff like this with you in bed. You had to admit, all the new things that Mingyu was introducing to you excited you.

You hummed against him as he stuffed your mouth, almost gagging when his fingers neared the back of your throat. You swirled your tongue around his digits before he quickly pulled them away. You opened your eyes, staring at him in confusion, but his hungry gaze was already locked in on your core. He fumbled with the button of your jeans, and you felt your arousal suddenly spike at the thought of his fingers inside you.

You helped him shuffle your jeans over your ass and down to your knees. He bit his lip as he stared at your clothed heat, his cock stiffening beneath his own jeans, and pressed his dampened fingers to your clit through the fabric of your underwear.

You gasped quietly at the contact, but it wasn't enough. "Mmh, Mingyu," you whined. "Please."

"So needy," he teased with a smirk on his lips. He slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, pressing into your slick folds. His breathing grew heavier. "How're you so wet? I barely even touched you." He breathed against your cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to it. You blushed at his teasing words.

Mingyu rubbed your clit in slow circles, spreading your arousal around your folds. He pressed his lips to yours again, swallowing the moans you were letting out. He dragged his fingers down your heat, teasing your entrance by avoiding it. You clenched around nothing.

"Mingyu, I need you," you muttered against his lips.

"My fingers?" He questioned teasingly, pushing the tips of his digits into your core.

Desire was eating away at you, clouding your thoughts and replacing them with lust-filled ones. You bucked your hips up into his hand, whimpering beneath him.

"No, I want... you." You panted, looking up at him. Embarrassment picked away at you due to your vague request. His eyes appeared even darker than usual as he stared down at you with lust, registering what you were asking for.

Just as he was about to speak, the door knob shook, followed by loud pounding on the door. You jumped, and Mingyu quickly pulled his fingers away from your heat, leaving you with nothing.

"Open up!" A voice called from outside the door. "I have to piss!"

Oh, how wonderful.

You looked to Mingyu with wide eyes, and he motioned for you to stand up. "Pull your pants up!" He shouted at you in a whisper as he wiped his hands on his jeans. He stepped away from the counter, pressing his lips together in frustration as he realized the tent in his pants was painfully obvious.

You pushed yourself off the counter, standing up with shaky legs as you quickly pulled your pants over your hips and re-buttoned them.

The door knob jiggled again. "I'm literally gonna piss myself if you don't open this door in five seconds!" The same voice cried.

"What do we do?" You whispered to Mingyu.

He sighed. "Get out of here as fast as possible and go to my room." Your stomach flipped at the mention of his bedroom; you were really about to go through with this. He reached his hand out for you to grab, and you took hold of it as he led you both to the door.

Mingyu fumbled with the lock, and the door busted open a moment later, revealing a very drunken boy on the other side. He looked both of you up and down. You ducked down slightly, attempting to hide your face behind Mingyu's broad shoulders.

"Fuck, Mingyu? Really? The bathroom?" The boy said with disgust.

Mingyu rolled his eyes, his hand squeezing yours tighter. "Fuck off, Soonyoung." He replied before rushing out of the bathroom with you following close behind.

You couldn't help giggling at Mingyu's comment. He glanced over his shoulder when he noticed you laughing, a smile finding its way to his own lips as he chuckled at you. "Was I too harsh?" He joked.

Mingyu dragged you through the house quickly, and when you reached the bottom of the stairs, he pushed you in front of him to lead the way. You rushed up the steps, and when you neared the top, a sudden smack was delivered to your butt.

You let out a cry, followed by laughter of disbelief. "Mingyu!" You exclaimed with your jaw dropped once you reached the top of the stairs.

Mingyu stood behind you, his hands gripping your waist. He giggled into your ear. "I'm sorry, your ass is so cute." He placed a soft peck to your cheek.

"Let's go," he whispered, his voice suddenly an octave lower. Your stomach twisted, and Mingyu began leading you towards his room with his hands still on your hips.

He let go of you to twist the knob and push the door open, but as soon as you stepped foot into his room, his hands found your waist again and hurriedly pushed you further past the door. He kicked the door closed behind him, pushing you up against the wood. His lips quickly found yours, kissing you with even more intensity than before.

You could barely catch your breath as Mingyu gave you more rough kisses. He was being taken over by lust; he pressed himself against you, allowing you to feel the hardness in his pants. You ran one hand from his shoulder down his chest and stomach, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt tensing at your touch. Finally you palmed him through his jeans and he groaned against your mouth.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy." He whispered before placing one more messy kiss to your lips. He pulled away to slip his fingers under the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head quickly and tossing it to the floor. His lips found your neck again, and you moaned as his tongue darted out to lick your sensitive spot. His hands were on your ass, pulling you closer to him and squeezing the soft skin.

Your head rolled back. "Shit, Mingyu," you moaned. "I need you now."

Mingyu pulled away to look down at you with a grin on his face. "Yeah?" He raised his eyebrow. He spanked your ass lightly, causing you to whimper and lean into him. "Go to the bed." He demanded, stepping away from you.

You walked to the bed, trying to swing your hips to hide the nervous wobble in your knees. You felt Mingyu come up behind you, his body pressing against yours. His stiff cock was brushing against your thigh. You turned around, sitting on the edge of the bed as you looked up at him.

"When are you gonna take this off?" You questioned while toying with the fabric of his shirt.

He chewed on his lip as he smirked at you. Without a word, he pulled it over his head, exposing his muscular arms and toned chest. Your eyes dragged hungrily over his torso, drinking in the sight of the outline of his abs.

"Better?" He teased, interrupting your admiring of his body. You looked up at his face. His glasses still rested on his nose, but his hair was slightly disheveled and his lips were now pink and swollen from kissing yours. You were breathless. He was beautiful, and you wanted him so badly.

You perked up from the position you were sitting in, a surge of confidence driven by desire guiding you. "Lie down," you commanded. Mingyu looked taken aback for a moment as he processed your sudden dominance, but he just chuckled and laid down without protest.

Once his back was against the mattress and he was splayed out beneath you, you crawled up towards him, straddling his hips. You dragged your hands down his chest, admiring the softness and warmth of his skin while you began to grind against him.

Mingyu threw his head back as he moaned softly, and you felt yourself clench at the sound. You leaned down, pressing your chest to his as you left kisses on his neck. His hips bucked up into your center. The friction between your bodies was so intense it was driving you insane.

You felt his fingers drag across your spine, causing goosebumps to from across your skin. He fumbled with the clasp of your bra and pulled the straps down your arms. You sat up to fully pull it off and throw it somewhere in the room, and Mingyu quickly brought his hands to your breasts. He squeezed the sensitive buds, twisting your nipples between his fingers. You moaned and pressed your hips into his even harder.

"Ride me," Mingyu mumbled into your ear. Unable to form any words, you nodded, reaching for the button of his jeans.

You lifted yourself off him to help him unzip his pants, and once he started pulling them off you kneeled to the side to discard your own jeans. Just as you began pulling your underwear down your thighs, Mingyu reached for the nightstand next to his bed, shuffling around in the drawer and eventually pulling out a condom.

He pulled his cock out of his boxers, and it stood stiffly against his stomach. He quickly ripped open the package, sliding the latex over his shaft. You straddled his thighs again, about to sink yourself onto him when he quickly grabbed your hips.

"No, no." He said. "Turn around."

You looked at him in confusion. "But-"

"Just trust me," he added, pressing a soft kiss to your chest.

You turned around so your back was facing him, still straddling his thighs. He kept one hand on your waist as the other reached for his cock. He guided the stiff head through your folds, wetting his cock with your arousal. When the tip brushed against your clit you whimpered as you clenched around nothing again.

"Please, Mingyu," you whined.

He dragged the head down to your entrance, finally pushing into you. Both of his hands rested on your hips now as he slowly sunk you down onto him.

You moaned at the slight burning sensation the stretch left behind. It had already been months since a dick was last inside you, and with Mingyu's size it was even more intense.

You aided by lowering yourself onto his cock, and once he bottomed out inside you he stayed still to let you adjust. His dick twitched inside you, and you clenched around him in response.

"You're so fucking tight," he moaned into your ear. He began nibbling and sucking at the skin between your neck and shoulder from behind you, and you whined in response.

You lifted yourself off him slowly, basking in the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls. You sunk down fully onto him before raising your hips again, finally beginning to ride him.

Mingyu allowed you to work yourself against his length while he brought one hand to your breast again. You moaned loudly as he squeezed the flesh between his fingers and bucked his hips up into you.

"Mmmh, shit, you feel so good," you babbled before crying loudly again. Mingyu quickly brought his other hand up to your throat, lightly choking you.

"Shhh, baby." He whispered against your skin. "You can't be so loud." His words were followed by another soft slap to your ass, making you whine quietly.

He let go of your throat, bringing both of his hands to your waist once again to speed up your pace. He angled his hips so he could thrust up into you at the same time, and the angle caused him to hit your sensitive spot every time. You panted loudly as the pressure in your lower stomach grew, and you ground yourself against his cock, clenching around him.

"Shit." Mingyu choked out breathlessly. "Tight little pussy's taking me so well."

Maybe it was the filthy words that left his mouth, or the way Mingyu took hold of your hips to slow your pace and thrust into you especially hard, but you felt yourself tip over the edge, your mind cloudy as pleasure overtook you. You couldn't even tell if you were crying out loudly, but you assumed so by the way Mingyu suddenly pulled himself out of you and pushed you forward until your face was pressed into the mattress and he was kneeled behind you.

He thrusted into you roughly now, trying to reach his own high. Your eyes were rolling back into your head as your core tingled with oversensitivity, and you could feel yourself drooling onto the sheets.

He came with a particularly rough grunt, pausing his movements as his cum emptied into the condom inside you. He moaned breathlessly and he slowly pumped himself in and out of you to milk his orgasm. Finally, he pulled himself completely out, and his hand ran across your spine.

"You okay?" He asked, and you lifted yourself onto your hands and knees, nodding. Mingyu looked down at your legs, his lips dropping in a slight gasp. "Your thighs are shaking." He noted out loud.

Your face burnt with embarrassment as you kneeled back onto your knees. When you finally turned to look at Mingyu, he was tossing the condom into the trash. His hair was now pressed to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks were tinted a shade of pink. When his eyes met yours, his lips quirked up into a smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get rough with you." He apologized. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

You shook your head. "N-no, it's okay," you croaked out, finally able to formulate words now that all the post-orgasm bliss was fading away.

You didn't know why, but you felt like you had to be near him. You crawled up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It felt natural. Comfortable. It reminded you of how you felt with Wonwoo. And despite how much you enjoyed feeling Mingyu's soft lips against yours, that thought terrified you.

"Do you regret this?" He mumbled against your lips.

It scared you—the way you were able to betray Wonwoo so easily. Here you were, in bed with another boy: one that you shared inside jokes with and stole kisses from and ran to for comfort. All that you had built with Wonwoo over the past two years—were some miles apart really enough to tear everything down?

You answered honestly.

"No."

[kuronanox]

Jazz lies - Shinji Hirako

It would be wrong to say that (Your Name) was having fun at this jazz bar that a few coworkers wanted to check out, but it definitely wasn't a place she would call fun.

Out of courtesy of some of the artists at the bar they decided to stay for about an hour and half listening to the music.

"Excuse me miss the lovely gentlemen over there bought you a nice drink." One of the bartenders told (Your Name) setting the nicely made drink in front of her.

She looked at the man who bought her the drink, he had weird teeth and a grin on his face. His hair was a bit long and girly for her taste.

By the time the performance was over (Your Name) and her coworkers got up to exit the bar. She didn't touch the drink once. The whole time it sat in front of her as the man with the weird smile stared at her most of the night.

"Awe yer really left a man hanging!" Shinji jokes as he leans against the door watching her exit.

"Sorry I don't take drinks from strangers." She responds blandly not looking at him in the eye.

Shinji just chuckles and walks out after her side by side, as a few of her coworkers were a bit ahead of them.

"Can't a man try?"

"I've seen better." (Your Name) awkwardly says looking him up and down and then straight ahead to avoid eye contact.

"Damn girls these days sure are harsh." He says with hands in his pockets. "Yer new to town?" He proceeds.

"No, just checking the place out."

"Ahh! So you will come around more often?" Shinji pipes up excited to see her more since jazz bar tended to be on the older side of age.

"Nah, Jazz isn't my vibe."

"Ouch, I thought you were cute too."

"I'm sorry but who are you?" (Your Name) stops walking and looks at Shinji with slight irritation. "Isn't it weird to talk to a man I don't even know the name of?"

"It's Shinji and this man is trying to make a friendly conversation with a cute girl."

A feeling of guilt build in her because he was rather nice the whole time, but it was always good to be defensive just in case he was a real weirdo.

"(Your Name)." She says and continues "sorry I'm just being cautious, there are a lot of sick people out there."

Shinji sighs and rolls his eyes. "It's okay baby doll I've seen sick people in my life time and I ain't one of em."

(Your Name) just smiles, she was still being careful though because he was still a stranger, but it was good to converse with someone new once in a while.

"So I'll let you go now only if I get yer number!" He grins noticing the hesitation in her eyes. "Don't worry, if you don't wanna talk to me anymore after this just don't respond to me." He assured the girl as she willingly gave her digits.

"I'll see you around." (Your Name) says bidding a farewell catching up with her coworkers.

(Your Name) couldn't help but be a bit interesting in this Shinji man because he was a sweet heart. Shinji was being a hopeless romance, but she couldn't tell if he was being over dramatic or if he was foreal.

He told her she was his 'first love' but she knew he was probably joking.

Although they didn't meet a second time they spend a few weeks sending text messages to each other. (Your Name) thought he was going to be pushy and ask her out again, but to her surprise he didn't.

Shinji genuinely was interested in her.

"Why the hell you keep smiling at your phone like a idiot baldy?" Hiyori says peaking over him curious who Shinji had been texting the last few weeks. "AHH!" She screams and snatched the phone reading a loud.

Shinji - "Good morning baby doll, how was yer day?"

"HIYORI STOP OR ILL-!" Shinji screams chasing the smaller girl as the other visords attention grew to them.

(Your Name) - "Good morning! It's been nice! I've just been cleaning my place. What about you Shinji?"

Shinji - "I'm glad you had a good day <3 I went to the store to get the newest record."

"Like I said Hiyori it's no one!" He continues as she kicks him in the face and continues to read out loud.

Shinji - "Shopping alone ain't fun, when yer going to join? I'll pay for dinner!"

(Your Name) - "is this a lame way of asking me out to eat lmao?"

Shinji snatches the phone back with red tints on his cheeks as Hiyori laughs on the floor. "Shut up will ya!"

"Oi Shinji, my books will come in handy if she decides to go out with you." Lisa seriously says flipping her book the couch.

"Hate to admit it but she's right." Kensei butts in getting ready for dinner.

"Oh shut up." Shinji says embarrassed as he walks into his room and slams the door.

To Shinji luck (Your Name) agreed to go eat with him for dinner a week after he asked her. Although it was their second time meeting the atmosphere was smooth and easy.

"Yeah! I graduated college a year ago and I work at the hospital in town!" She tells Shinji passionate about saving life's everyday. "What about you Shinji?"

Shinji was sweating because he didn't actually work. So he tightly gripped his knife and put the steak in his mouth as he smoothly played it off. "I work at a company, top secret for the government only." He winked.

"Kami I'm safe, being dead actually is inconvenient."

(Your Name) face lit up as she took a bite of her wagyu. "Nice! Never thought I'd meet someone so high in status."

"Yer not missing much baby doll, I live ina abandon warehouse actually."

Shinji grins as they take a toast together and enjoyed the view of Tokyo below them.

"So what are your future plans?" She then asks Shinji as he tilts his head.

"Oooh we already wanna start thinking about the future together?" He jokes as she laughs and playfully roll her eyes. Which for (Your Name) was good because it lighten the mood.

After dinner was finished and Shinji paid they walk down the busy streets of Tokyo admiring the views. "Isn't it pretty?" (Your Name) asked Shinji as they walked side by side with linked arms. "What? My face? Oh I know!"

"No dummy the lights of Tokyo!" She lightly flicked his forehead as he shuts his eyes tight.

"Yeah, one day I'll show you the view of Tokyo at a better place, maybe." He tells her as she happily nods her head eagerly.

The night was getting late as she grew tired but the city was still awake. "I'll see you off then? Please get home safe baby doll."

"I will! Maybe we can go out again later!"

"Of course I'll really like that." Shinji grins as she walks down her path towards home. Watching from afar Shinji shunpo to see if she got back in the house safely and after he left.

"Spill the beans how could anyone possibly like you baldy?" Hiyori asked one night as they all sat around.

"Oh shut up! I'm pretty handsome!"

"More like a hand full." Kensei added.

"That's Mashiro who is." Shinji bites back as Kensei could only agree to that statement.

"Young love, can't wait to see what the future holds for you." Rose says.

Shinji just left to his room after that, they were giving him a headache. He laid onto his bed and closed his eyes. (Your Name) was pretty, kind and mature. She had a future ahead of her, but Shinji was living in a dump with lots of roommates and plus he was basically a soul.

Shinji was surprise she stuck around as long as she did. They had went on many dates after that and he successfully earned a kiss on the 5th date.

The only problem for Shinji was the fact that he basically lied about his whole life to her, he wasn't sure if it was right to tell her the truth or wait it out.

It wasn't until 6 months into their relationship that the problem he feared worse appeared.

They had left the bar shortly after midnight, Shinji was walking her back safely to the train station, and then he would secretly watch her go home to make sure she was safe, but a drunken man had appeared from a ally way.

The drunken man was causing a problem for (Your Name) as he said some rather vulgar remarks. Shinji was a laid back man as he told the drunken man to beat it and go cat call someone else.

"Yer really pushin my buttons." Shinji tells the drunken man giving him a glare and lightly grabbing (Your Name) to safety behind him.

The drunken man crossed the line when he tried to grabbed (Your Name) shoulder as Shinji puts his foot onto his chest not allowing him to come any closer.

Before they could walk away the sound of a gun click appeared as Shinji pushed (Your Name) out of the way.

"I don't hurt humans but it seems like you want to harm someone precious to me. I don't mind being naughty just for this special occasion." Shinji grins calm and composed as he stopped the bullets from flying between his fingers.

(Your Name) was in panic mood at first because they were at gun point and then second Shinji was using some unknown godly powers to her.

"Don't worry baby doll, yer safe with me." Shinji says disappearing from her sight as he grabbed the gun from the man and broke it in pieces with his bare hands. "Don't play with toys sir, I've seen scarier!"

Of course the man got terrified and ran away scared for his life. "See ya!" Shinji calls out.

(Your Name) watched from her spot unsure what to be afraid of.

The man who was about to possibly rape her or Shinji who was lying about his identity the whole time. The tears grew in her face because of how frighten she was.

"What's wrong bab-"

"Stop, don't get any closer." She tells him as Shinji sees the water in her eyes. She looked terrified and hurt. "I can explain to you about all this."

"Explain what? That you've been lying about yourself the whole time? What are you? Some kind of god?"

Shinji knits his brows and grabs her hand lightly but she pulled away. "No. I'm going home alone tonight. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

"I'm not letting ya walk home this late alone." He tells her as she protested but by a flash of a step they were back at her place as he set her down lightly.

"Talk to me when you are ready, I'll be waiting." Shinji says as she looks away from him obviously surprised on how they got home so fast.

"Whatever, thanks for tonight." She slightly says in a forgiving tone as she walked into her place.

He didn't hear from her in weeks, it was only 6 months together and during that period of time he felt happy and light. He didn't think about Aizen or any ill thoughts when he was with her.

Shinji knew it wasn't going to work out, they were so different and so far from each other's world yet he wanted so bad to make it work.

"Is this the common word to say that I got ghosted?" He sulks in the corner as his phone rings to see a message from (Your Name).

(Your Name) - "Meet me at the bar we first met."

Shinji walks in and spots her sitting alone but beautifully shining. She notices him and gives a small smile.

"Alright get it to it, if you wanna call me a freak I understand." He says.

"No one is calling you a freak, I just want an explanation. I had time to think and I'm sorry for the way I acted. I was scared and confused."

He takes her hands and grins. "Of course baby."

The music started to play as the bartender served them a couple of drinks.

"Just please let me finish before you ask any question. Basically you are dating a dead man, I'm from the world where souls live and we have powers that protect and balance the living and dead. Remember when we were talking about how sick people can be? Well there was a guy that got me and few of my comrades exile from the Soul Society and that is how I ended up here."

(Your Name) had to process everything, it was so unreal. At the same time she was curious and slightly interested about another world out there. Of course she wanted to be angry at him for lying about his identity, but she understood from his perspective.

"Well that was a lot to take in, you must be serious about me if you told me all this."

"100% percent, I ain't leaving soon." He sips his wine now.

(Your Name) smiles and then looks down.

"Just don't lie to me anymore. Keep everything real."

"I won't. At the mean time, I'm glad we had this talk so now I can finally use my godly powers as you say." He grabs her hands as they run out the bar.

Stumbling a bit she grips his hand tightly and follows. "Where are we going?!"

"You will see!" He shouts as Shinji hoisted her and lifts them up to the sky.

The view from Tokyo was below them and this time she could see everything.

"How?! This is so beautiful!"

Shinji was happy, although they haven't talked serious yet, he was willing to give it time and effort.

"Remember I told you I would show you a better view. Well here it is!"

(Your Name) was overwhelmed with happiness as she clung onto him. It was weird for her because they were basically standing in midair.

"We won't fall right?"

"Nah just relax I got you."

The night came to an end in a positive way as both parties understood each other and why things were the way they were. Shinji had a sense of relief because he didn't have to hide anymore.

They laid in bed at her place, god forbid he brought her back to his.

The night was cold but the room was warm, they laid peacefully and in each other arms.

(Your Name) would make sure in the future to talk about their relationship because it was a complicated subject. A human and soul together as a couple.

Everyone always says it doesn't hurt to try something new so that's what she was taking this as but genuinely she wanted to brag about how strong and cool her boyfriend was but that was for another time.

For now they both just want to cherish the easy and smooth moments together before anything complicated comes up.

"So our next challenge is to meet my peeps." He tells her as she groans.

"Are they weird like you?"

"Oh baby doll, we are a mix of hip and style."

(Author notes: Heya! I'm taking request at the moment! I'll be on vacation so I might have some time to write a few pieces! The rules are telling me a character and a general plot on what you want the story to be! Also none of my one shots have been edited.)

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 2) H.S.

I've been standing here for what seems like forever trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going with this handsome stranger known as Harry. I don't want the conversation to end yet and lucky for me he breaks the silence so I don't have to.

"I really am sorry. Lucky for you but not so much for me I missed your white shirt." He says with a cheeky smile. I wanna be offend by his inappropriate comment but I can only laugh and shake my head in return when I see his smirk appear.

"Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?" He asks still staring right at me and I can't seem to look away.

"That's okay, I've already had a few and I was actually planning on leaving soon," I respond forcing myself to look away from his intense stare.

"Leaving!? Already!? It's still early, I just got here!" He responds dramatically like it's the craziest thing he's heard. I can't help but laugh at his response.

"Well I've been here for a bit already and as much fun as it is to watch drunk girls trip on the dance floor. I think it's time for me to go," I say back sarcastically smiling like an idiot when I hear him chuckle.

"Come on, I'm meeting some people you can hang with us!" He offers. His determination to have me stay makes my insides melt. His tall figure has moved closer to me as we continue to talk over the loud noise in the crowded club and I can smell his cologne on his black T-shirt and it's intoxicating me more than the three drinks I have had.

"Actually I'm here with some friends who are probably wondering where I am so I better..." I trail off as I start to walk away from his intoxicating aroma secretly hoping he'll stop me.

"Wait!" Harry responds gently wrapping his large hand around my arm and I turn to face him again.

"Yea?" I smile to myself while turning to face him satisfied that my plan worked.

"Could I get your number then if you really are leaving," He says his giant grin returning but his voice sounds more unsure than I expected. He is still making direct eye contact his gaze so tense I feel like I can't breath for a minute.

"Harry!!!!" I hear a familiar voice yell from behind me ending whatever moment was just happening.

I turn to see Julie running up as she collides into Harry wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. His smile fades for a minute but returns quickly as he hugs her back.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you to show up!" Julie says in a joking way, but I know she is actually serious. Just as Harry goes to respond Julie notices me before I can sneak away.

"Allie! I was just coming to look for you! Have you already met Harry?" She asks looking between the two of us genuinely curious.

"Umm yeah. Sort of. We kind of ran into each other when I was leaving the bathrooms." I tell her. I decide to leave out the part about his drink spilling all over me and everything else that happened. It felt personal and there definitely seems to be something going on between her and Harry. He looks at me a little surprised. I am assuming because I didn't say anything about him asking for my number two seconds ago but he doesn't say a word.

"Oh well, Harry this is Allie my best friend, Allie this is Harry!" Julie says slightly slurred and a little too loud.

"Nice to meet you," We say at the same time in an awkward exchange this time avoiding eye contact. Julie doesn't seem to notice the weird tension between us.

The three of us start walking back to the table Julie walking between Harry and I. I try not to stare when Julie slips her hand into Harry's. My mind is racing trying to remember if Julie ever mentioned a new guy but she never said a word about Harry to me which is very unlike her. She never even mentioned a guy and she still hasn't hinted at filling me in later. I feel a hint of jealousy arise and push it down. What the hell is wrong with me. I don't even know him. But if he asks for my number while he obviously has a thing with Julie it is probably better that I don't.

When we return to the table I purposely sit on the opposite side as far away from Julie and Harry as I can get. Which happens to be right next to Sam who is less awkward now that he is intoxicated. I try my best to focus on whatever story Sam is currently talking about but I can't help myself from looking over the table at Harry every few minutes. I look up and catch his green eyes for the millionth time tonight. I curse under my breath at myself. I can't do this all night, whatever this is.

"Hey I'm going to the bathroom if anyone asks." I whisper to Sam as I leave the table trying to sneak away while everyone else is distracted with conversation.

Deciding the rest of the night will be better spent in bed I grab an Uber instead of returning to the table and text Julie from the car telling her I headed home and I will see her in the morning. Of course she doesn't respond, but I didn't expect her to anyway.

When I get home I shower, and put on my favorite giant T-shirt to sleep in. I'm climbing into bed with my glass of ice water and popcorn ready to binge watch a new show until I fall asleep when my phone goes off on my nightstand. I groan reaching for my phone because I don't feel like talking to Julie tonight. But instead of Julie I find an unknown number on the screen followed by a text.

Unknown: Are you okay? Did you go home? Why did you just leave and not say anything!

At first I assume it's Sam because I lied and said I was going to the bathroom but Sam has never been much for calling people out and I remember that I have his number saved in my phone already. I get a weird feeling like I know who's number it is and a smile forms subconsciously on my face at the thought. But I remind myself he obviously has something going on with Julie and it probably is not him. And I shouldn't want it to be him.

Me: Who's this?

I text back.

Harry: It's Harry obviously!

His first message comes through and I laugh at his assumption that I should already know it is him.

Harry: And you didn't answer my questions!

He texts right after making me roll my eyes at this strange situation.

Harry: Are you okay? Are you back home already?

The texts flow in one after another my heart starts pounding as my stomach drops.

The first thing that comes to mind is how does he have my number because we never had the chance to exchange them at the club and more importantly why does he have it. I've been staring at the texts for a few minutes trying to decide if I should just not respond all together even though all I really want to do is respond immediately with a snarky sarcastic and flirty comment. I can't help but wonder if he is still with Julie. Are they dating? Is it serious? They are definitely more than friends because I watched her lace her fingers with his while they were walking. Why hasn't she told me about him. My curiosity gets the best of me and next thing I know I am texting him back.

Me: How do you have my number?

I type out and I have a feeling he won't stop asking so I throw in,

Me: Also I'm fine, already home.

And I send it.

Harry: I got it off Julie's phone. Okay good! Why didn't you say anything? You just left!

He responds almost immediately. I read the text and read it again. He got my number from Julie's phone!? My mind is racing. There is no way she just gave it to him I know her too well, she would automatically be on the fence. Which means he stole it. But the question I keep asking myself tonight is why? He is with Julie why does he even care that I left. I had one conversation with him. AND he is with Julie!

Me: I told you earlier I was planning on leaving. I was tired and just ready to go home. I texted Julie and told her.

Short and to the point I read it again and hit send. The truth is I couldn't stand to watch Julie put her hands all over him for another second so I bolted before anyone could ask why I was leaving. But there is no way in hell I was going to say that.

A few minutes past with no response so I am hoping my simple answer and mentioning Julie again was enough to stop the conversation, but I am out of luck when my phone dings again.

Harry: You should have said something. Everyone was worried.

He texts back to my surprise.

Me: They were worried? Please they were all too drunk to notice I even left the table.

I send back annoyed without thinking and almost immediately regret it. That makes me sound like a bitch and really I am not annoyed with them I am just annoyed with him. Even though he didn't do anything really.

Harry: Okay, I was worried.

My heart feels like it might burst from my chest and I can't get the stupid smile off my face as I read the message. I don't even know him, why is he having this effect on me. Why the hell did he say that. My head feels foggy from the whole night and confused by Harry. And Harry and Julie. And the three drinks I had.

I decide the best thing to do is not respond no matter how bad I want to. So I set an alarm for tomorrow so I don't sleep all day and place my phone on the nightstand to keep the temptation away. I roll over shoving my pillow over my head and keep repeating "he has a thing with Julie" over and over again to try and get the image of his green eyes out of my head.