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timelyowl0 · 4 years ago

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Brittana/Faberry Fic Recs

Hi! Here’s a list I compiled of some of my all time favorite Brittana and Faberry fics! I was originally going to separate the list by Faberry and Brittana, but many of the stories have both, so instead you can just read the pairings listed for each. They are sorted by multi-chapter complete, multi-chapter incomplete/in progress, and one-shots. Each title is a link you can click on to take you to the fic. All credit goes to their respective authors :)

Also, here’s a quick rating guide in case you needed to know:

GA/PG - General Audience

T - Teen

M - Mature

E - Explicit

NR - Not rated

That’s all, I hope you enjoy!

Multi-chapter (complete):

Between The Lines (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Rachel invites Brittany and Santana to a sleepover. Brittany/Santana with a healthy side of Rachel/Quinn

The Only True Paradises (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The tortuous evolution of Santana's feelings toward Brittany. See also "Pas de Deux," a companion piece from Brittany's point of view.

Pas de Deux (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Companion piece to "The Only True Paradises." The evolution of Santana and Brittany's relationship from Brittany's perspective.

Faithfully (T) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "That moment when Santana had sworn, even though she and Brittany were standing at opposite ends of the raised platform…that she could still feel Brittany's energy zinging toward her, like they were connected on the same current." Brittana, Seasons 1 through 5, as told in five increments.

My Girlfriend's Sister's Keeper (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany isn't the only Pierce that has Santana wrapped around her finger. Santana's life with her two favorite people.

Mariposa (M) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Like a butterfly, Santana's journey out of the closet occurs in stages. From the first time she heard the word gay to the first time she flew free from her chrysalis, she can remember everything.

time passes, in love and in seasons (T) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittana, from the end of junior year and throughout senior year, told through the seasons. Mostly follows Season 3 canon.

Brittana Shorts (GA) - 8 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A collection of Brittana-centric short stories

it’s nice to have a friend (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - They're six when they first meet. It's the first day of school in a crowded classroom and Santana finds herself drawn to the new blonde girl. OR The story of how Brittany and Santana meet and all the significant moments in their lives following the first time they see one another. - sequel

A Matter of Miserable Time (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "His voice was deep, quiet, and sure, so calm compared to the last words they had exchanged. Her voice was only a faint whisper as she questioned the man she hadn't spoken to in three years.'Papi.'"

Influence (M) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is perpetually cast as the dumb blonde, but the reasons behind her demeanor are more complex than that. She looks back on her childhood, her relationship with Santana, and the life-altering effects the decisions of her youth had on her future.

It’s Not Like I Wanted This to Happen (T)- 101 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Quinn takes a very drunk Rachel home from a party...encounters the Berrys…and herself. This story contains a huge amount of Brittana and a lot of Puck.

Rough Beginnings (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn decides she needs to end this obsession once and for all, but life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. Sometimes it's so much better. Faberry.

Never Asked to Feel Your Halo (T) - 45 Chapters (1/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - The thing was, neither of them wanted this-whatever it was, but since when did the Universe care about what Rachel or Quinn wanted? Their cards had been dealt the moment they'd entered that shower together. Now it came down to how well they played them.

Standing on the Edge Dancing in the Flames (M) - 34 Chapters (2/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Life isn't all singing and dancing, not even in Glee club. And what if being on top of the pyramid just gives you further to fall. When everyone feels like a frienemy and fathers and faculty and babies and boyfriends complicate EVERYTHING, how are you ever supposed to get anything right? (Book Two of the 'No Halo' series)

The South Side of Anywhere (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Sometimes you fall in love with your eyes closed, and when you open them, the person is someone you never thought it could be. It started with letters, and turned into Faberry.

Somewhere in Between (M) - 77 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Imagine if Faberry happened instead of Finchel. This is a re-telling of every episode as if Faberry were cannon. Each chapter will chronicle each episode starting at the very beginning. Some things will change and some will remain the same. Longer description in first chapter. Also side Brittana. As well as Quinntana friendship, and Puckleberry bromance.

Didn’t See it Coming (M) - 63 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - AU HS. After a devastating breakup, Quinn turns to Rachel in need of a friend, and ends up with so much more. - "If, one day, someone asks me how it all started; I'll have to say it was a granola bar that finally did me in." Faberry.

Bet You Didn’t Know That (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Faberry. What she doesn't know, she doesn't need to find out.

Take Me As I Am Seasons 1 & 2 (T) - 48 chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The incredibly true adventures of Quinn and Rachel, starting from Sectionals Season 1. It's just like watching the show, if Faberry were the central couple and everything revolved around them! Brittana & Klaine co-star in supporting roles.

Take Me As I Am Season 3 (T) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The continued adventures of Quinn & Rachel as the starring couple of Glee. Some integration of canon events, but mostly this is the story of Faberry and their world! Klaine & Brittana co-star in supporting roles

Blink and You’ll Miss It (M) - 31 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry discover they like each other. Against all odds, will they be able to get together before they tear each other apart?

You’re All I Need (M) - 17 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - A Faberry romance story, set when they are both single but I haven't specified when as I'm not even sure myself but most of the events are from series 3. Points of view will change every few chapters. And that's probably the worst description you've ever read but yeah I can't be bothered to change it.

quarantining or how quinn might lose it, once for all. (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It starts like the worst horror movie ever but instead of being trapped in the basement of a creepy 50-something year old, Quinn finds herself being trapped in Rachel Berry's basement.

Once More From the Top (T) - 22 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and others - Here's what you missed on Glee: McKinley's Glee Club reformed under the direction of Will Schuester. Rachel tried to recruit the Cheerios but that ended up being a total disaster. It's cool though because she heard Finn Hudson sing in the shower and he's actually really good. She successfully recruits him and now the Glee Club has enough members to be a real thing.And that's what you missed, on Glee!

Outside Hearts (M) - 37 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel Berry's world is about to be turned upside down when one of Hollywood's most sought-after young actresses, Quinn Fabray, abruptly and mysteriously leaves her fame behind, moves to Ohio and tries to have a normal life while attending McKinley High. (Faberry w/ some Brittana)

I See That Ragged Soul Take Flight (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Mike/Tina, Kurt/Blaine and Sam/Mercedes - Ensemble cast piece exploring what happens after Season 3. Rachel, Santana and Kurt are in New York together. Quinn is at Yale. Explores adulthood, friendship and long-distance relationships. Eventual Faberry. Also contains, Brittana, Klaine, Tike and Samcedes content, plotlines back at McKinley, and frequent use of Santana POV.

All The Best (T, but I would rate M for descriptive scenes of suicide, eating disorders, rape, etc.) - 80 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - After spending the entire summer away, Quinn is eager to get back to normal and make the best of her junior year. Excited to put everything behind her and start fresh, she struggles to establish a new normal. But when she's least expecting it, Quinn finds support in the most unlikely places and is forced to confront the very feelings that landed her where she is in the first place.

take these broken wings (M) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Sam - Begins in Season one and follows Quinn through her life should she have chosen to keep Beth, realize she is gay, and fall in love with Rachel Berry. The main romantic relationship will be Faberry, with a bit of Hevans and Brittana, but apart from Faberry it will be very heavy on friendship and Quinn&Beth oriented.

the state of dreaming (T) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel couldn’t help the guilt that bubbled in her chest when she watched Quinn get a prom photo alone. Determined to make it up to her, she invites Quinn over for a sleepover. It becomes a routine. Set immediately after 2x20 (Prom Queen).

Enough to Believe (T) - 2 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Years after Shelby ups and disappears from Lima with Beth, a blonde girl shows up on Rachel and Quinn's doorstep, armed with a lot of questions, and very familiar cheekbones.

you and her loathing this cruel world (M) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Quinn/Rachel, minor Kurt/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - "Of all the girls he had to have sex with (which really, were none), of course it was someone with a painting of Jesus above her bed, so he knows that his only hope in hell that this will go away is in a negative test result." Season 1 AU; Kurt is pretty sure he's gay, but would like to make sure. Quinn Fabray has similar questions running through her mind. They put their theories to the test, with very much unintended consequences. - sequel

I’ve Been Trying to Reach You (T) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Santana/Puck, Rachel/Jesse and Sam/Tina - After falling pregnant in sophomore year, Quinn Fabray plummets from the top of the teen hierarchy at McKinley High to the very bottom. In an effort to give her a chance to start over, her parents transfer her to Carmel, a private school in the area with a blossoming arts program. It's supposed to be a new beginning, but what she doesn't count on is immediately becoming enemies with the most popular girl in school: Rachel Berry, co-captain of Vocal Adrenaline.

The Lopez Manifesto (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - santana starts writing a rachel/quinn fanfic for everyone at McKinley. it’s also extremely popular as everyone awaits her weekly updates. (usually based on what the girls are doing that week.) quinn is the last to find out and is… pissed.

my heart’s a leather jacket I am waiting to give to someone sweet (T) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is McKinley’s resident broody rebel who doesn’t see much point to high school, and who, completely incidentally, just so happens to be kind of a math genius. Santana is Lima's golden child, the perfect and unapproachable only child of public figure Dr. Lopez. She’s also the high school’s enigma; no one actually knows anything about her aside from the fact that she’s cold, distant, terrifying, aloof, and willing to eviscerate anyone who looks at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for her, Brittany is about to get a crash course in the complete mystery that is Santana Lopez when she is asked—or, more realistically, forced—to be Santana's math tutor.

Dead Girls Don’t Sing (T) - 39 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Kurt/Blaine and Tina/Mike - S3 AU. Brittany doesn't believe in unicorns anymore, Rachel's dreams are as dead as the world, Santana is no one's hero…and Quinn? Quinn's just trying to breathe. The world as they knew it is gone -now all they can do is survive. Zombie Apocalypse. Faberrittana Friendship. Slow Burn Faberry. Character Death. COMPLETE

Simple Parts (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - That awkward moment when you travel thirty years forward in time and find out you're married to your high school nemesis? Yeah, it totally sucks...except...maybe it doesn't.

The Lateness of the Hour (M) - 12 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "Brittany has much less to lose. She always has."

half of me (T) - 4 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - a run-in (quite literally) at the bookstore, two broadway tickets, and a seven-year-old in a plaid catholic-school uniform. what has rachel gotten herself into? future AU where quinn has beth and rachel makes it on broadway.

April Fools (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Santana recruits - forces - Rachel to help her prank Quinn. All she has to do is pretend that a love potion has caused her to fall madly in love with the cheerleader. Simple, right? Wrong. Faberry.

Stars & the Moon (M) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - In the midst of dealing with Beth's adoption, Quinn ends up working on a summer community theatre production with Rachel. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding.

Love Me Any Less (M) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Junior year becomes the beginning of something no one expected, and maybe the beginning of something a few can't understand how they ever lived without. Starts mild but progresses to M rating. First fic ever! Faberry.

Better Where It’s Wetter (M) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel and her dads are going on a LGBT family-friendly cruise for the summer and Rachel's told she's can bring a friend. Who else to bring but Quinn?

Like a Seal Upon Your Heart (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - Quinn Fabray is Daddy's little girl and the perfect Christian. She CAN'T be gay. But then her friendship with Rachel Berry starts to change...

Somewhere in Brooklyn (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana and Brittany have been trying to get pregnant for a year without any luck. What happens when a teenage foster child and positive pregnancy test land in their laps on the same day? A unique journey of motherhood ensues.

Multi-chapter (incomplete/in progress):

Everyone's Gonna Know Now (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - 3/4 in series - When Santana confronted Finn about outing her, his response was, "The whole school already knows." That was pretty much true. This story is about the first moment or incident in which each member of Glee - and a few others - discovered Santana's secret.

Be Okay (M) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - “Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed.“ This is the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship taking place over a series of one-shots.

looks like a girl but she's a flame, so bright she can burn your eyes, better look the other way, you can try but you'll never forget her name (M) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - santana lopez writes down the story of her life for a reunion project set for the glee club by none other than rachel berry. aka, a deep dive into santana's life told through her eyes. very santana/brittana centric.

No One Left to Blame (M, read tags) - 30 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray is well-versed in keeping the truths of her family and her past firmly hidden away. But, her efforts prove to be moot when Rachel Berry, armed with her own secrets of the past, arrives at Dalton Academy and manages to turn both their worlds upside down - or, perhaps, right way up. Faberry. Trigger Warnings.

I’m not breaking, I won’t take it (M, read warnings) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor Quinn/Santana - Santana gets up and starts toward her, “Jesus, what happened to you?” she mumbles, but she's softer than she was moment before. It's obvious that she’s concerned. Quinn chokes down a sob and then admits, “There’s something wrong with me.”“Hey, listen. Whatever it is, you’re going to be fine." Santana is still not getting it, but she’s rubbing soothing little circles on Quinn’s shoulders. There really must be something wrong with her too, because then Quinn is lunging forward and then she’s kissing Santana. Quinn feels her freeze, but then Santana relaxes and she’s kissing her back. or, a study in quinn fabray.

no love like your love (T) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Blaine/Sam - Following the death of her mother, Rachel Berry assumes guardianship of her six-year-old brother, Daniel. After a cross-country move for his sister's job, the first friend Danny makes is a soccer-playing, lucky fin having, firecracker of a girl named Beth.

Song of Mine (M) - 18 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana Lopez, the new Music teacher at a religious private school in Indianapolis, meets Brittany Pierce, the resident Math teacher. A love story with a happy ending. Promise.

Girls Over Flowers (NR) - 14 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana - Dalton Academy—a school of prestige, refinement and the country's wealthiest students—houses the famous F3. When "commoner" transfer student, Rachel Berry directly offends F3's leader, Quinn Fabray, she becomes their target. Mayhem ensues.

we were built to fall apart (then fall back together) (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel and Quinn haven't seen each other for seven years and neither thought they'd see the other again. They certainly didn't see themselves starring together in a Broadway musical, as each other's love interests.

A Different Life (E) - 33 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine - Canon!Divergent Brittana. Santana and Brittany move to New York after high school. Everything is going perfectly until Brittany gets a phone call that changes everything. Seven years later, Santana has a daughter and she and Britt haven't seen each other...Canon until 3x16ish. No Louisville, no second senior year.

you get too close you’ll get a royalty high (so breathe it in to feel the love) (T) - 9 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Sam/Mercedes, Mike/Tina, Kitty/Artie and Kurt/Blaine - "Alright," she began uneasily. "I'll do it. I'll go to the dumb school."Her parent's smiles beaming back at her were almost enough to make her think this could possibly be a good idea, but the nerves surging in her stomach said otherwise. Boarding School/Royalty Brittana AU

One-shot:

Tattoo (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "She soaks it in for a few seconds—this night, this place, these friends, this family room floor, this girl—before she says it back." Post-3x11. Brittana.

Eden (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana teach Joe about love. 4K

Riding in Cars With Girls (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - After Quinn quit Glee club and joined a band Rachel feels the gap Quinn has left and sets out to get her back, whatever the cost. But what happens when Quinn's only condition involves her car and Rachel's lips on hers every day at five? Punk!Quinn

and things we’re all too young to know (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Five vignettes set after the point when Brittana become girlfriends. Not too many people would guess it, but Brittany knows that loving Santana is the easiest and best thing in the world to do; Santana is just the best person to love.

My Friends Say That I’m Falling In Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana spend the week leading up to Valentine's Day giving Mercedes grief about her date. Brittana romance, Brittanacedes friendship. Mouseverse. One-shot.

And What Would You Say If I Wrote the Whole Thing Out for You? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Some things have changed a lot since Sam left McKinley and some things haven’t really changed at all. Set circa 3x08.

The Landslide Brought Me Down (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Our girls’ story. Sweet lady kisses, Landslide, their separation, the night of Prom Queen, Songbird, Santana’s Abuela’s rejection, the night after Santana learned about the political ad, Brittany’s senior year falling apart, the lights of New York, and other scenes.

seven (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A companion piece to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Takes place after the first scene in the second chapter - can be read separately to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Basically just childhood fluff that examines their friendship and the items they connect to their friendship.

baby you don't gotta fight (i'll be here til the end of time) (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - She sees red for all of last period, a strange twinge of pain in her chest because all these people think they know Santana but they’re all wrong. or: three times Brittany tells people they've got Santana all wrong and the one time she tells Santana

The Unicorn Tapestries (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - We lie on our stomachs on my pale blue sheets, a book lying open in front of us that we bend our heads over, sunlight all over the page and bringing bits of gold out in your skin..

But You Could Sing (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Why am I always the one who tells bedtime stories? Because your stories are prettier, BrittBritt. But you can tell real ones. Like what?

Colors (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The sunlight in my room shines from the south. The way I know: when I lean far out my window, the sun rises on the side where I can feel my heartbeat, and sets in the direction of my writing hand.

You’re Something Else (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - 'Quinn gets the impression she and Rachel are finally on the same page about what may or may not be happening between them. All she really knows is that it's colourful.'

Raising the Bar (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - Quinn never expected that the best matchmaker would turn out to be a lumpy pullout couch.

the one with the friends reference (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, minor/implied Brittany/Santana and minor/implied Kurt/Blaine - "You can see it. Quinn standing in front of you, as close as she can get without touching you and saying, 'Are you attracted to me?'" Faberry. Post-season six.

Blame it on the Alcohol (or the gay, whatever) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - “I can’t believe what you did to my body, I used to have abs!” - In which one sentence is totally incorrect and causes chaos and havoc and Faberry feelings to happen. Also known as drunk Rachel is kyoot and Finn is stoopid.

could you pass in love? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - “'Quinn Fabray, I will divorce you, don’t think I won’t!'” In which Rachel and Quinn get married, sending them into a possibly out-of-character feelings frenzy . Season Three. Faberry.

Do You Wanna Know How This Story Plays Out? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It's not her fault that you feel the way you do about women, you know that, and you knew that then, too. But you've been angry at Rachel Berry for making you feel things you wanted to lock away for years, and it was far too easy to put all of the blame on her to avoid dealing with your own feelings. It wasn't and isn't fair, but it was about protecting yourself and it makes it a little easier to bear. - OR - After everything implodes with Finn, Quinn moves in with Rachel. They make out a lot without ever talking about how much more it means to both of them. Introspective Closeted!Quinn POV from second-person.

you succeed at being mine (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - Sequel to 'you and her loathing this cruel world'.

This Must Be The Place (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana is eight years old when her Tio Carlos joins the Army. Or the less-cracky-than-you-might-expect Glee/The Losers crossover where Cougar is Santana's uncle. (If it tells you anything, i nearly titled this 'Ohana Means Family.')

This Modern Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "How do you know when you're dating someone?"

Beth’s family tree (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - "Now that being said, my family tree is composed by both my biological family and my adoptive family" Beth explains easily enough as she clicks the mouse. But then the next slide appears and the teacher gapes at all the information, names, colours and arrows in the diagram.

pictures of you, pictures of me (hung upon the wall, for the world to see) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - "Quinn looked around her room again. She'd never noticed it before, but she had a lot of pictures of Rachel." or: a faberry oneshot set between seasons 1 and 2 where Quinn reflects on a series of moments with Rachel that led to where she is now

anything could happen (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - She stared down at the test in her hand. The line was faint, disappearing depending on the angle. It was possible she was just seeing things, but still. She pulled out her cell phone, tears running down her flushed cheeks. It felt like the earth could open up at any second, just swallow her whole. The line rang. Once, twice, she cursed quietly. She sucked in a breath as she heard a click signifying the call had connected."Hello? Rachel?" Her voice cracked. "Quinn. I need your help." A Faberry-centric rewrite of Rachel's season 4 pregnancy scare

Frannie’s View (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - When Frannie was a child she did everything she could to make her father happy. She was a daddy’s girl through and through. She was quiet and never disrespectful. She went to church every Sunday with her mother and father and prayed every night. Frannie had a lot of friends at school and was popular and well liked. She did very well in school though her participation grades were always low. Daddy told her women were supposed to be quiet and always treat their husbands with respect. She was a princess and he was the King. He ruled the house. Frannie absolutely hated the way her father treated her little sister. Frannie desperately tried to change Lucy. She thought if Lucy could be better then their father would be happier, nicer. OR A journey from Frannie's perspective of Lucy/Quinn and Quinn's sexuality and later feelings for Rachel.

According to Judy (PG) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - How Judy Fabray deals with Quinn's infatuation with Rachel.

#brittana #faberry #fic rec #brittana fic #faberry fic

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flowesona · 5 years ago

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Cabin Fever - Yandere! Yoongi x reader

Happy Holidays! I hope everyone has a wonderful time regardless of what you’re celebrating, and I hope you enjoy this seasonal oneshot!

Warning: Non-consensual use of drugs

Amongst the cracking of fire and the hum of some generic christmas tunes, (Y/N) groaned as she woke up, rubbing at her blurry eyes to focus on her surroundings. A softly lit room filled with twinkling lights and homely wooden furniture. It was like something straight out of a Christmas advert or some hallmark movie.

But she knew she’d never been there before. And she had no memory of getting there either. The last thing she remembered was getting home from work and collapsing straight into bed.

She decided to explore, attempting to rise from her position and seeing a heap of blankets fall to the ground. (Y/N) turned to see the sofa she’d been resting on, adorned with boundless numbers of pillows and blankets, inviting her to crawl back in and stay in a cozy cocoon forever.

But curiosity held greater value than coziness as (Y/N) made her way to the door. Her legs felt weak, and she had to reach out for support from the sofa to stay in a straight line.

“I wasn’t drinking last night, right?” She muttered to herself in confusion as she clutched onto the doorknob for support, twisting it open and almost falling through the door frame.

She peered out into the corridor. It was as cheery as the room she had been in, tinsel & glowing lights strung across the walls. Her attention was drawn to an open door at the end of the corridor, a mouthwatering smell wafting out.

She caught sight of herself in the mirror. There was an absence of all signs of fatigue, and she was dressed in a warm looking red sweater and black leggings, adding to her movie-like scenario.

Determination built up by the sight of human life and an answer to the situation, (Y/N) staggered down the corridor until she reached the light source. A man dressed in casual clothes had his back to her, head down and hands occupied with the trimming of parsnips. Noticing her presence he turned around, and a chill went down her spine upon seeing his face.

Min Yoongi, a man she had not seen in years, was right in front of her, smiling merrily as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Yoongi?” (Y/N) gasped. Seeing her weakened state the smile dropped off his face, and he approached her to lift her up, scooping her up into his arms as if she weighed nothing.

“You shouldn’t be up yet.” He said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Was it uncomfortable? I’m really sorry. Here, you can sleep in my bed.” He exclaimed, walking towards a new, unexplored room. (Y/N) wanted to protest, to ask why she was in an unknown place with her ex-boyfriend but all her energy was gone. All she could do was loll her had back onto his chest and close her eyes.

She heard the gentle beating of his heart, something that she hadn’t experienced in years. Not since they were teenage sweethearts, not since she’d left him when greater opportunities were offered to her and he was holding her back. So now, why were they together in some unknown location?

“W-what’s happening? Yoongi, where are we?” She murmured, feeling a bit of strength coming back to her. Her mind was becoming clearer by the minute, and she wanted answers.

“You don’t need to worry, (Y/N). We’re safe.” He said in a hushed voice, thumb rubbing her cheek as if to lull her into sleep again. But (Y/N) was more awake than ever, and no later than a Yoongi has placed her down on a soft bed she was sitting back up.

“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when dinner is ready.” He said lowly, eyes trained on her. (Y/N) shook her head.

“No! Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on!” She yelled. She could have easily stabbed Yoongi in the heart and it would have had the same effect. He was totally shell shocked, eyes welled up as if he was about to cry. Instead, he shook his head.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you get to sleep.” He finally said, walking over to a set of drawers and pulling out a wooden box.

(Y/N) felt her blood run cold as he stuck a needle into a thumb sized bottle of clear liquid.

“Just a bit.” He muttered to himself. “Three hours.”

(Y/N) shook her head, trying to back away as he approached with the needle, not realising that she’d shuffled to far and she fell on the floor with a thud.

Trapped. He easily strode over, tilting up her chin so that he could find her vein.

“Please… don’t do this to me Yoongi.” (Y/N) whimpered. He tutted, sinking the needle into her skin.

“Our security comes first.” was the cryptic message (Y/N) was left with as her senses numbed and her conscience faded.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

The phone was ringing. That was all that (Y/N) was aware of. Forcing her heavy eyelids open, the device was right in her line of sight, next to the bed she’d been tucked into.

With one heavy and shaking arm she reached out for the receiver.

“Hello?” For a second, it was just as if she was answering her own phone. Then the reality of her situation came back to her. “Hello? Can you help me?”

“Huh? Have I got the wrong number?” The person on the other end of the line responded.

“Please, I don’t know where I am and I think my ex-boyfriend kidnapped me!” (Y/N) begged, oblivious to the pounding of footsteps outside the door. “You can trace the call, right? My name is-”

Before she could tell her saviour her name, the phone was snatched out of (Y/N)’s hand.

“Hello? Hyung?” Yoongi paused for a second as the person on the other end babbled on.

“No, it’s nothing. You shredded that missing persons report, right?” He said, sitting down on the bed next to (Y/N). One hand moved to absent mindedly rub her back, reminiscent of all the nights she’d done to him when they were lovers.

“No, I’ve paid them off. If she got that far, they’d bring her back.” A shiver went down (Y/N)’s spine listening to Yoongi’s side of the conversation. She couldn’t help but feel hopeless, as if even if she hadn’t been interrupted by her kidnapper, this person wouldn’t have helped her. No one would, apparently.

“I’ll call you if there’s any altercations. Have a good night, Hyung.” Yoongi placed the phone back down.

“Dinner’s ready now. Are you going to be good?” He said. She nodded, scared of what the man she once knew and his assortment of drugs could do to her.

Yoongi eased her into his arms, once again letting her rest on him as he carried her into a new room, a dining area lit by candles and with a old record player spinning a familiar Frank Sinatra tune.

He gently helped her into one of the chairs, before removing a silk cord from his pocket.

“Just for good measure.” He assured, before taking one of her wrists and binding it to the arms of her chair.

He nodded to himself before turning his attention to the food. He’s prepared the traditional Christmas meal, as if this was some cutesy dream rather than a delirious nightmare.

Seeing as (Y/N) only had one hand free, he took it upon himself to prepare a plate for her, even cutting it up into small pieces before spearing one with a fork and holding it towards her mouth.

“I can feed myself.” (Y/N) protested, and with a remorseful look Yoongi gave her the utensil.

“This isn’t… you know…” (Y/N) placed her fork down cautiously, starting to feel sick at the thought.

“Why would I do that?” Yoongi chuckled.

“You’re a fucking psycho. Bringing me to some random cabin, drugging me when I won’t sleep. It’s not too farfetched to assume you’re going to kill me.” (Y/N) snapped back.

“(Y/N), you’ve got this all backwards. I don’t want to hurt you!” Yoongi gasped, his chair falling back onto the floor with a clatter as he stood up. “Please, I just want us to be normal again.”

“Normal? You think kidnapping me and taking me to some isolated location is ‘normal’?” (Y/N) hissed. She was desperately tugging at the one arm tied down, wishing to every deity that she could be away from him.

“No! I just… fuck… I missed you so much. And life drove us apart when we’re meant to be together! I can’t live the rest of my life without you.” He shouted. “(Y/N), you’re the only thing I want in this world. It’s Christmas, can’t I just have you?”

For a moment there was quiet, just heavy panting and the faint hum of the record player. Then (Y/N) spoke.

“I will never love an obsessive freak like you ever again.” She snarled. Yoongi looked distraught, heartbroken, as if he was experiencing every emotion at once. And then, he was angry.

“You will. You have no other choice but to love me. You won’t see daylight until you do.” And just like that, the anger washed out of him and he was peaceful again. “Now finish your dinner. Then I’ve got a special present for you.”

He left the room with a smile, as (Y/N) once again tugged at her bindings. No matter how distressed she was, this was still a dream to him.

#yandere bts #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere yoongi #yandere suga #yandere yoongi x reader #kpop yandere #yandere au #yandere kpop #yandere bts au #yoongi x reader #yandere min yoongi #yandere suga x reader

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years ago

Note

What are your favorite johnlock fics of all time?

Ohhhh.

Ohhh noo.

Nonny you’re cruel.

Okay so funny story:

Someone asked me this exact thing a couple years ago.

I started a fic rec list offline at that time

Said list kept growing and growing as I decided to start sorting my fics.

It’s now a couple years later, and the list has over 300 fics on it XD.

So you see my dilemma LOL.

I have done a few fic lists in the past along this vein:

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017 )

Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)

25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)

Top 10 Fave Fics (September 2018)

So what should I do today? How about the fics I ALWAYS re-read when I feel like I just need something familiar and oh so delicious? Would that be okay? Fics that I never hesitate to read again? Note that this list will probably change in a few months’ time as I re-read newer fics I’ve recently bookmarked; if I’m in a certain mood, a fic will get added and another removed, LOL. In fact, I’ve had this sitting in my drafts from quite awhile before I finally posted it, LOL. Waited a week, because my “feels” kept changing, HAH!

I have WAY more than 30 of these, but I had to stop somewhere! So here’s the criteria for these ones today:

I’ve read them more than 5 times since I bookmarked them

I read them start to finish, without skipping anything even though I know what happens.

That’s it. It’s just so I can keep my list down, LOL. Seriously, I love SO many fics that this list was HARD to do. Hope you enjoy!

I-J’s TOP 30 READ-AGAIN FICS (MARCH 2019)

The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog (T, 6,400 w. || Vacation, Love Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Canada, Post-TRF, Love Confessions) – Sherlock is back and all seems forgiven, but something is missing between him and John. Their friendship initially appears intact, but Sherlock doesn’t understand why John seems to be slipping away. Finally, in terror, he tries to reconnect with John by taking him to the one place that seems to inspire any emotional interest in John any more: the Canadian wilderness. While there, Sherlock faces his greatest fear.

Fa Subito by kim47 (E, 6,659 w. || Suit Porn, Cockblocker Mycroft, Obsessed Sherlock, PWP) – John wears a suit. Sherlock finds it extremely distracting.

Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8,737 w. || Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Stroppy Sherlock, Love Letters, POV John) – Sherlock asks John for relationship advice. Little does he know that it’s him that Sherlock is in love with.

The Emergency Contact Series by blueink3 (M, 11,763 w. across 2 works || 5 and 1′s, Whump, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Caring Sherlock / John, Scars) – The first time John Watson’s emergency contact is called is the first time Sherlock Holmes finds out that he has the job. The first time Sherlock Holmes realizes he needs an emergency contact is the first time he mentally appoints John Watson with the job.

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w. | Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock’s perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

Speaker for the Bees by antietamfalls (M, 14,649 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Sign Language) – It isn’t always easy assisting a deaf detective. Luckily for John, they make a pretty good team.

A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E, 16,825 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, POV John, Pining John, Cruise Ship, Angst & Fluff) – John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica

A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w || Post-TRF, John has a Kid) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.

Knotted by naughtyspirit (E, 23,166 w. || UST/URT, Cuddling, Sharing Body Heat, Confessions, Kissing, Mastrubation, Frustration, BAMF!John) – John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock’s case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape. They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them. Because he’s pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF.

Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Goodness Gives Extras by mydwynter (E, 39,629 w. || Fluff & Angst, Case Fic, Oral / Anal, Humour, First Time, Miscommunication, Snark, Christmas) – Christmas time. ‘Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there’s a case that drags them all over, missing presents, disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn’t have expected anything different.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w. || H/C, Injury, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Mary is Not Nice) – When John’s left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she’s about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w. || Magical Realism) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w. || Casefic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

Triage by scullyseviltwin (E, 51,612 w. || Character Injury, Introspection) – Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Sherlock AU, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Alternate First Meeting) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w. || Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case) – Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

Perdition’s Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) – John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, H/C, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #fave fics #Anonymous #fic rec sunday #top fics

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tadomodoka4-blog · 6 years ago

Text

What are your favorite johnlock fics of all time?

Ohhhh.

Ohhh noo.

Nonny you’re cruel.

Okay so funny story:

Someone asked me this exact thing a couple years ago.

I started a fic rec list offline at that time

Said list kept growing and growing as I decided to start sorting my fics.

It’s now a couple years later, and the list has over 300 fics on it XD.

So you see my dilemma LOL.

I have done a few fic lists in the past along this vein:

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017 )

Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)

25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)

Top 10 Fave Fics (September 2018)

I have WAY more than 30 of these, but I had to stop somewhere! So here’s the criteria for these ones today:

I’ve read them more than 5 times since I bookmarked them

I read them start to finish, without skipping anything even though I know what happens.

That’s it. It’s just so I can keep my list down, LOL. Seriously, I love SO many fics that this list was HARD to do. Hope you enjoy!

I-J’s TOP 30 READ-AGAIN FICS (MARCH 2019)

Fa Subito by kim47 (E, 6,659 w. || Suit Porn, Cockblocker Mycroft, Obsessed Sherlock, PWP) – John wears a suit. Sherlock finds it extremely distracting.

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w. || Magical Realism) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

from I am to see to it that I do not lose you. https://ift.tt/2FTbxgX via IFTTT

#IFTTT #I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

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thepolyorchids · 6 years ago

Text

A bit about each song on The Polyorchids LP

Track 1 of 10: The Lark

This was the first Polyorchids song that didn’t exist prior to the band’s formation. It was sort of an experiment in a different writing style. The first Courtney Barnett album had just come out and I loved the way she wrote these songs made up of super specific and sometimes mundane lyrics that, when added up, made you feel something. Tony’s naturally great at getting specific like that, but I tend to retreat into my own mind and write from that space. I used a simple a two-chord progression I’d been sitting on for years and wrote a blow-by-blow telling of a drive out to a gig Travis, Tony and I played in Willits a few weeks prior. The hills of Lake County had just been burned by a huge fire. On the trip, we met a bunch of nice seasonal weed-trimming folk (plenty of them white dudes w/ dreads, hence the chorus, which was originally just a placeholder but ultimately stuck) and we crashed at a shitbox motel called The Lark. I liked a Joyce Manor song called “Midnight Service at the Mutter Museum” which had a quiet-verse/loud-chorus structure to it. I brought it to the band with that in mind, but couldn’t get Travis to soften the his floor tom hits, only to find that the thumping beat actually made for a better song. From there it found its groove. — Justin

Track 2 of 10: Predisposed

Most of the lyrics and melodies for “Predisposed” were written in 2011. I think for most songwriters it’s easier to say something in a song than it is to say it in real life. This song was written directly to my friend (and sister from another mister) Nicole Putnam. She was and has always been someone that had my back no matter what, no questions asked. This song turned out to be a (WELL-deserved) explanation/Thank You (even though she never asked for either) for all the times in that year she was there for me when I felt like I had no one. It started as an acoustic song (like most Polyorchids songs), I absolutely forgot I EVEN WROTE IT! For me writing becomes sometimes like therapy, so once I finish... I feel better and feel like I can move on a bit. I found and old iPhone in October of 2017. When I checked out the voice memos, this bad boy was on it. It wasn’t totally complete but Justy, Trav and I worked it to be a full band song and it made it to our album. This is also the first time in The Polyorchids history that I sing my own song on the record. — Tony

Track 3 of 10: Dumpster Heap

I wrote the melody for this a few years ago on a miniature kids’ guitar I was fooling around with, but I spent more than a year just humming gibberish to it. Tony and I have had tons of conversations about our feelings about talking politics on social media. On one hand, it’s a cesspool of garbage that brings out the worst in people and diving into it accomplishes essentially nothing, but on the other hand, it’s where we do 90% of our communicating at this point. If we don’t talk about this stuff online, we’re sort of making the decision to not talk about it at all, which isn’t good either. I’ve typed out full responses to Facebook comments only to delete them before posting so as to avoid surrendering my day to a shit show of notifications. This song is about that internal conversation. I wrote a second verse for this after the “grab her by the…” tape came out, but decided it made an evergreen idea too specific. A few months later I started writing ’45’ and realized this 30-second song could exist with just one verse that feeds right into that one. — Justin

Track 4 of 10: 45

The sort of bizarre post-election vibe had given way to the inauguration and now this guy was slapping his Sharpie signature on like five executive orders per day and arguing about crowd sizes. A parade of idiots were marching through Charlottesville with tiki-torches the day I started writing it. I can’t really pull off overtly political lyrics because they feel corny to me about one hour after I write them, but it seemed like a joke that this dude was running things and I felt like trying capture that in some way, because it was inescapable. Jeff Rosenstock’s WORRY had come out a few months earlier and knocked me out. A fast/crazy deep-cut called "Bang on the Door” was my favorite track and I pretty much wanted to jack it and make it my own. The chords and melody for 45 are totally different from that song, but you can tell they’re sort of distant cousins. I only had one verse written, but I showed it to Trav and Tony at the very end of a practice and the “Side! Eyed! Glances!…” intro was so glorious and punchy with the full band. Some songs take work to find their groove. This one was a natural fit right off the bat and we got excited about it. I wrote a second verse and we started playing it at shows. I finished the third verse the night before recording with Pat and our friends Mike and Jake came in to sing gang vocals on the outro. — Justin

Track 5 of 10: Skeletons

Tony wrote this one a few years ago and lost the demo on an old phone (that’s his move) until just a few months before we recorded the album. I’d never heard it prior to that, but I instantly became obsessed with it, even more so than Tony I think. I told him as much, and I even played it a few times at open mics by myself. The song is really just one verse and one chorus… or a looping chorus with one bridge — however you want to put it. I added the guitar riff, which mirrors the melody but gives it something new, and pitched the idea of having Tony and I alternate singing with a louder, shared verse at the end. This is the only time we’ve ever structured a song that way. We recorded this two days before I moved out of California and we had absolutely no time to practice it with Travis. We tracked our instruments to a click track (unlike most Polyorchids songs, which we record live as a full band) and let Pat at Earth Tone play the percussion after the fact — also something we’d never done before. — Justin

Track 6 of 10: Down in the Desert

This song was written after a trip to Arizona for my uncle Jeff’s funeral. My brother and I grew up with our uncle around a ton, bringing us those little popper/snappers and just generally being the best. As we grew older, we came to realize how truly bizarre and fucking hilarious this person was. Eccentric and witty to his absolute core. He joined the Army out of high school and was stationed in Germany, which I think clouds this song in a bit of confusion because “shipped out to Germany…” really sounds like WWII, but it was actually decades later during a peace-time in Germany. My uncle enjoyed room-temperature tall cans of beer — a taste he said he developed during those years in Germany. After the Army, he got into theater and ultimately became a union-carded makeup artist in Hollywood, working on stuff like the sitcom Major Dad and a TV adaptation of the movie Weird Science among many other projects. Before the funeral, my dad received a letter from one of Jeff’s old makeup artist friends/colleagues. He read that full letter at the funeral and it was just about the most real and beautiful thing I’ve heard in my whole life... Just a human being remembering another human being through the specific memories they shared — the kinds of specifics that send you inward to think about your own memories. I cried hard and felt extremely happy at the same time.

The whole extended family stayed at a desert motel that night and passed a couple of tall cans around in a circle and took turns sharing stories. I liked the idea of letting that evening with family be the chorus and Jeff’s life be the verses, so that’s the basic structure of the song. I started the first couple of lines during that road trip to the desert, but the rest came one line at a time over like a half a year. I never hit a wall, but I never hit a groove either. It was a challenge to write, and yet I felt strongly about seeing it through. It wasn’t until I played an almost-finished version for Tony that it became a potential Polyorchids song at his insistence. I played it once at an open mic but the first time we played it live as a band was at Danny Secretion’s Fuck Cancer benefit almost exactly a year later. — Justin

Track 7 of 10: Back off, Warchild

I started this as a sparse and mellow folk song on acoustic guitar, but abandoned it after about a month of frustration over the lyrics. It started as a sort of abstract story about conflict and tension, but I had a hard time keeping it moving. I liked the first verse on its own but didn’t see a path forward. But then we tried it as a band right after the Popgun EP was done while floating some new song ideas. This came right after we’d found some momentum with The Lark, and I got excited about the dynamics of the full band banging it out. It added something new and took some pressure off the lyrics, which I still feel a bit lukewarm about to be totally honest. The binding theme of the song is frustration and tension and negativity. Verse one is childhood, verse two is early adulthood, and verse three is the old age and death. The chorus is sort of an anthemic reveling in that pessimism, which is no way to live but real nonetheless. The one lyric I really love is the chorus line: “...Not our tax brackets not the weather / could pull the graphite out of the letters...” The song title comes from a line in Point Break when Keanu is about to get in a fight at the beach. We spent our teens and 20s camping and boogie boarding at that beach (Leo Carrillo) and rinsing off in those same outdoor showers. — Justin

Track 8 of 10: Low Class Love Song

Low Class Love Song was started in October of 2017. It started out as a baseline I couldn't get outa my head (I'm not 100% sure but I feel like I might have stolen the chords from "runaround sue"). It ended up being a song about the feeling of dating above your class and knowing it's not gonna end well but pursuing it anyway because the pain of a broken heart is worth the experience of sharing some time with that person. Music really is cheaper than a therapist. — Tony

Track 9 of 10: Preachers in Private Jets

This song started as a jam session groove at a practice. Our old band wrote some songs that way, but The Polyorchids never really have. We loved playing it but didn’t know how to treat it because there was no chord progression, just this looping riff. Eventually we added a palm-muted version of the riff and I started yelling nonsense over that part sort of in the style of Fugazi’s Waiting Room. Around that time I saw a video of two televangelist preachers shooting this shit about why God is very pumped about them being super rich. More than half of the lines in this song are lifted almost directly from that YouTube clip. A week before recording, Hurricane Harvey hit Houston and Joel Osteen locked up his megachurch doors, keeping out the affected. That last verse was finished right before recording. The chorus chords were written separately by Tony for a different song, but we were elated to find that they fit right into this one and added a nice melodic part that contrasted the verses and the riff. We took a long time to start playing it live, but Jake from Pisscat nudged us to play it every night of a tour we did together around Lake Tahoe. Pisscat pal Becky wrote it on a set list as Pee Pee Jay one time and I regret not calling it that. From there it felt complete. — Justin

Track 10 of 10: Readiness for Radio

After a life spent not caring either way about Bruce Springsteen, I found my way to his Nebraska album and loved it like many before me. I did the obligatory deep-dive into its origin story: DIY four-track demos that he’d recorded in his basement with plans of doing a proper full-band studio album, only to release the raw demos instead because they served the songs better. I liked the idea of writing something that referenced the themes of the album and its story without ever doing so explicitly. The result, I think, is one of those songs that lets the listener find their own meaning. It’s not an autobiographical song for me, and yet I identify with plenty of it personally. The main chords were adapted out of an old mewithoutyou song. I thought I’d spun them off to be totally unrecognizable, but my brother’s wife Veronica spotted it like four years after I wrote it! If you listen to that band, let me know if you can spot it. I recorded it live in the big drum room at Earth Tone, soaking it in open space and reverb. Pat left the loooong ringing sound of the final chord and then abruptly ended it when I slap the strings shut. I love those final seconds. — Justin

#the polyorchids #folk #punk #indie #earth tone #songwriting

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milquetoast-on-acid · 7 years ago

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Sanctuary City p3, A Reactionary Post

Emotional Dissonance

Major Crimes, S6xE3: Episode Review

I really loved this episode. It feels like the season has been slow to start and each episode is getting more and more emotional. For Sharon most particular, with each episode ending on a very emotional scene focusing on Sharon.

What this episode is about: Mike gives me life JULIO! Protective Provenza Snakes in the Grass FBI Mason Sharon Feeling's of Self Righteousness LAPD vs Catholic Church The Romantic Relationships Wes & Page Rusty & Gus Sharon & Andy Sharon's Confession That Ending Scene(s): Parallels and Explosions Sharon's Mysterious Illness

Mike gives me life: "He was taking a LOT of drugs."

"Drugs are bad kids."

"Even though we don't really expect anything from them. They still manage to disappoint." I love Mike so much. He gets so attached to people and pins so much on them and then gets easily disappointed by them. Mike is such a gentle soul. Kind of like Buzz but much less naive.

Rusty's investigation obsession with Stroh "Why would he come back after getting away. It just doesn't make sense." Rusty speculating on the people that Stroh has supposedly murdered. Which has me thinking too. Maybe it's not Stroh murdering these people so close to him. Maybe it's someone who's killing them to get Stroh's attention. Sharon comments what a good murder board he makes on his wall. But I am wondering why she hasn't commented on his unhealthy obsession with Stroh. But Sharon is nothing if not very careful about how she deals with Rusty. So perhaps, she's waiting for the right time.

Page's gentleness It was good seeing Page so gentle with Kelly Garret. Surprising given how abrasive she's been and her lack of subtly regarding social cues in others. On the other hand it shouldn't be surprising because she brought up her siblings. So I think that perhaps Page connects much easier to children than she does with adults.

Julio comes back! YES! Julio is back and I missed him so much. And so did the squad. Julio even gets a hug from Sharon. And how much do I love this. He freaking hugs her back!

The only one disappointed in Julio's return is Buzz. Who was apparently using Julio's badge during their investigation. I think with Julio back, Buzz feels that he's back to his old job again. I’ve got a question people. Why does Julio’s badge live at the PAB? If he was suspended then yes it would stay there but the guy was on bereavement leave. I should have stayed with him.

So here's speculation on the end of Buzz' character. At the end of MC, Buzz becomes a full fledged Police officer instead of just a reserve officer. Is Buzz still banging little Gabe's mom? We haven't heard anything on that front in a while.

Asshole Marvin Garret Was not surprising that he did not have the boys. As much of an asshole he is, he did not have the gentleness to put Lucas' body at the Church. But I am glad they were able to send his ass to jail. Ever since the death of his wife he just became a ball of bitter hatred and it seems the guy didn't really have much to lose and was already set loose. With that freaking hit list! The guy is a fucking loon who I'm so glad that the LAPD was able to get off the streets.

Protective Provenza "And consider how excommunicating the investigator responsible finding the boys would sound to the media." Typical snarky Provenza but do I hear some protectiveness in there? These two really have come so freaking far. Provenza has really gotten so very protective of Sharon these past few years.

Maiden Pride commented that Provenza has really lost his filter and I couldn't agree more with that. He just lets that shit fly and doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. The ONLY time he takes a step back is when Sharon glares at him to behave. I think the only two people that Provenza listens to are Patrice and Sharon.

Snakes in the Grass

So far in this little arc we've had our characters doing things that may be quite extreme. Rusty wanting a gun, Buzz executing a search warrant and taking no bullshit. Provenza getting sick of Garret real fast and sicking the media on him. Sharon executing a search warrant on her own church. Outrageous Behavior continues in this episode with...

FBI

"You know I may end up liking you after all, Agent Fay." or then again...maybe not. This was shocking and so completely unexpected to me. It was obvious that Fay and Vega were up to something but this was not what I expected at all. And I loved being shocked by a show that doesn't shock me very often. It really feels sweeter because this show is not a show that takes risks very often. So when something unexpected happens it's all the more glorious for it.

What's interesting is that it's Fay that tells the squad about them getting a tip. Then it's Vega that very quickly shuts the conversation down. I'm wondering if they may eventually get access to the boys possibly through Fay. She seemed to be coming around to them much more so than Vega.

Mason "Oh. So it's okay for you to decide that but not me." Tipping off a journalist by telling her about the Father Jonas's suspicious behavior, his transfers and him being transferred to Mexico within the last day. Notice how Mason turns the tv off real quick when the journals reveals that she got her information from someone in the LAPD. But the damage is done and everyone heard what she was going to say. Both Sharon and Provenza are a bit steamed that he went to her. Mason does make a good point and that he is the boss. On the other hand it is a bit hypocritical to use the media when he didn't want Provenza doing it.

Sharon Digging up the graves of the deceased blessed by Father Jonas. Even Mason is shocked by Sharon's behavior. But once she explains herself to him, he's pretty much on board with her. I loved it. I loved Sharon being so freaking sneaky about this. And having so much freaking guts to do something this crazy. That despite her being a devout Catholic it's not going to stop her from investigating a suspecious Priest.

Feeling's of Self Righteousness

There are three different institutions with a ton of power that are battling the other in this arc and I think it's fantastic.

LAPD vs Catholic Church "Your biased against the church is leading you in the wrong direction." Love the scene of the Church vs the LAPD. I love the blocking too. I think it's so very important. They've got two men of power who are the heads of their institution facing each other. And on the sides of them they have Sharon and Provenza. Both of whom are running the investigation. On one side you have a non-believer, who's very vocal about his dislike of religion and the catholic church. On the other side you have a life long believer, who's a quiet devotee but is not afraid to challenge the church or it's view when she thinks their wrong.

"These boys have most likely run away from home. And if you were to look for them more aggressively ---" I love this! The Bishop gets so much wrong. Telling them that there not looking for the boys hard enough when Mason was the one to bring the case to EVERYONE'S attention. I'm so glad that Mason cuts Calhoun off and later on...

Mason is the audience.

"This women is no better than the one from yesterday." Love love love, that they brought back Father Calhoun, who's just a self righteous then as he is now. And it's great seeing Sharon up against him yet again! Even knowing that Sharon's not biased against the church that still doesn't sway him. All three institutions have been known for protecting their own. The thing that Father Calhoun may not know about Sharon is that she's had an entire career based off of looking twice at people who may think their above the law.

The Romantic Relationships

Wes & Page

Not too crazy about this. Just seems pretty typical throwing together the two young and attractive people. Especially since there's going to be no time to develop anything. I suppose maybe they'll use it to contrast Sharon and Andy's relationship in the way they used Rusty and Gus' relationship. Not to mention that Wes & Page are somewhat similar to Sharon and Andy. A snarky hot head Lothario and a socially awkward with a ton of responsibility on her shoulders.

Rusty & Gus "I'm going to write him a letter by hand and put it in the mail. Like they did in the 1980's." I really love this show's obsession with letter writing between it's romantic couples. We are in the age of technology when communication is instantaneous. And a hand written letter is such a very rare thing. And it's so very personal compared to a type written letter that's cold and formal. You actually see someone's personality and can feel their emotions through a handwritten letter.

I really feel Rusty's idea of writing a letter to Gus is such a Sharon like thing to do. Really feels like Sharon is very much rubbing off on Rusty in certain ways. And I really like it. While Rusty is still impulsive and brash when it comes to things. In other's he's really learned to soften himself and his approach to his personal life. He's really become much more observant than he used to be. Stepping much more outside of himself and noticing more of the emotions of others.

"Telling him no hard feelings." Like the past four episodes, this really feels like the death of their relationship. I'm curious about what the hell Gus is doing and why he ignoring Rusty. He probably should just straight up tell Rusty that their over. Since Rusty has it in his head that things are pretty much finished with them. Rene Rosado does appear eventually so we'll find out eventually.

Sharon & Andy There really has been a lack of focus on Sharon and Andy. It's been a bit odd that we haven't really since much interaction between them this season and their days away from getting married. There's been speculation that they have been distant and so that makes me wonder if it's going to be addressed in that particular scene that's coming up in part 4.

There was some tilt your head side ways stuff between them. Andy witness's Sharon's second attack and asks her if she's okay. While she sways forward and appears to move very slowly. She snaps out of it quite quickly and is it's back to business for her. This moment made me think of in White Lies when Sharon notices that Andy's hurt right before he has his heart attack. Both Sharon and Andy brush whats going on with them off. And one thing I do have to say that one thing the two of them are very similar is how stubborn both of them can be. Both Sharon and Andy ignore what's going on with them physically until they can't anymore.

There's also that wonderful call back to White Lies when Sharon collapses. With Andy shouting Sharon's name exactly how Sharon did when Andy collapsed. You too need to stop collapsing in the middle of the damned murder room.

Sharon's Confession

I love how some of this scene was shot. She looks very determined walking up those steps. And as soon as she gets in the church she's hit with so much emotion that it physically pushes her back. And she has to take a moment to compose herself. Especially when she reveals that this investigation has her questioning her faith in God, Father Stan and the Church.

And again can I say how much I'm loving the new music they've made for this season. It's so somber and really helps set the mood of what's going inside of Sharon's head. I love their use of what seems like natural lighting for this scene. It's so dark. Just like Sharon's mood and all of her conflicting emotions inside of her.

Father Stan is someone that Sharon confides in and seeks advice from. Someone she seeks out to help provide balance within herself. Someone that Sharon has had a relationship with for years (possibly decades). Someone she's turned to in times of need as Ricky had pointed out right after she and Andy got engaged. And while Sharon hadn't had a partner she could rely on emotionally until her friendship and romance with Andy. She did have someone that she could confide in from time to time. Now her relationship with him is on the edge of a cliff about to be pushed off.

The ending scene(s): Parallels & Explosions

One thing about my theory that I am right about is that each of the episodes have ended with an emotional Sharon at the focus. I'm don't know about the grief theory. I thought last weeks was anger but that was not anger this is anger. So could last weeks have been bargaining or acceptance? I may revisit this theory at the end of the arc.

"I understand you're upset." Your about to get your ass handed to you by the full Darth Raydor. I love Sharon finally unleashing herself here. She's a woman who's so used to being fully control and she just explodes here emotionally and physically. It was obvious with how heavy handed they were that she was going to pass out and it was going to happen right in the middle of the squad room.

"What I'd like is for you to collect your things and go, now. They go now. And I want a court order removing Ryan and Miguel from FBI custody. This case is our jurisdiction." And I have to tell you I just ate it all up. I loved it. Sharon is so buttoned up and is so used to holding in her emotions. So it's rare that she ever gets mad like this. I know we had all hoped she'd get this pissed at Davis when Davis had that conference in White Lies but then nothing really happened.

Here Sharon is finally pushed to her very edge. And boy does she not hold anything back. She rarely raises her voice, and most often when she's mad she's very quiet about it. It's much more a simmering mad than an explosive anger. Here she tells them to get the hell out. She's not asking them, she's not asking Mason. She's telling everyone. I FREAKING LOVE THIS! Each scene at the end of this arc is just getting better and better and more explosive. I love it so much.

Love the parallels here from White Lies. The episode literally ends from Sharon's POV of herself passing out and a voice over of Andy yelling her name. Just like White Lies ends with Andy passing out and Sharon yelling Andy's name. Not to mention that little moment when Sharon is about to pass out and Andy's standing right next to her. Notices and asks her if she's okay.

I'm not sure about the logistics of having Provenza (of all people) catch Sharon. Can't say he's the most physically agile of everyone that's in the room. But it makes sense from an emotional stand point. Of anyone in that room it's Andy and him that are emotionally closest to Sharon. Which again is so full of irony given that it's Provenza and Andy that disliked Sharon the most (or was the most vocal about it).

Sharon's Mysterious Illness

Last week I thought nothing was going on with it but now it came back full force this week. I love everyone's theories that people are speculating on. Both roslinadama sinequanon and love letters have some really excellent analysis of what could possibly be wrong with Sharon. You should go read them if you haven't checked out their theories. I really love the idea of Sharon's illness being psychological. With maybe a side of some physical issue from the bombing. I think it would be something we really haven't explored with in a character. Physical illness, yes many times but psychological brake down of a character? Not so much.

That's something we rarely see and for it to go to an extreme level isn't something we have seen since Brenda in TC. Something I've been noticing is that every time she's had an attack in this episode it is right after or during her experiencing intense emotion. And how that's much more interesting is it for a character that is ALWAYS in control to just break down physically from it.

1. Father Stan: The first time, Sharon is serving Father Stan the search warrant. She's angry and frustrated by Father Stan's blocking their investigation. Both her and the father are on the brink of tears.

2. Julio: The second time, Sharon is experiencing intense joy at having Julio back with them. It happens almost right after she hugs him.

3. Church: Sharon's third attack happens right after she enters St Josephs to talk to Father Stan. With having to struggle with her faith (maybe for the first time in her life), god and her priest. She's physically pushed back with emotion and has an episode right as she stands back up.

4. Rusty: Sharon's fourth episode happens right after she quizzes Rusty with the gun. Her feelings of helplessness at knowing that a deranged psychotic serial killer is possibly coming after her son yet again. Along with her feelings about Rusty not accepting a protection detail.

5. FBI: Sharon's last attack she has is right as she passes out. Sharon looses her temper in the way we never have seen before. She's enraged with anger and beyond frustrated by the FBI finding the boys without telling them. Sharon rarely yells, her anger is expressed usually much more quietly. She becomes so enraged that it finally causes her to pass out.

What I don't like: Honestly there really wasn't much that I didn't like about this episode. I suppose I thought that Sharon's personal life (was her relationship with Andy) that was going to interfere with the investigation. But it turns out that it was her faith. The lack of Sharon and Andy, is certainly annoying but hopefully we will get some good stuff in the next two episodes.

What I do like: I really am loving the focus of this arc and it gets us a chance to understand more about Sharon which is what we all have been craving for ages. One of my biggest complaints about Sharon's character was the lack of quality (in terms of them exploring her character) and now I fell like we are finally getting it. Julio finally coming back, that ending scene. Sharon exploding!!!!! Freaking loved it! Sharon battling the FBI, Sharon battling the Catholic Church, Sharon battling herself.

#major crimes #a reactionary post #mc season 6 a reactionary post #sharon raydor #julio #buzz #provenza #andy #rusty beck #andy flynn #shandy #sharon/andy #rusty/gus #leo mason #camilia page #mike tao

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quiltdeer52-blog · 5 years ago

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Cranberry Bliss Bars

Tis’ the season for Cranberry Bliss Bars! So first of all let me preface this blog post by mentioning that I could house an entire box of Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars to myself. In one sitting. They are one of my all-time favorites. So I decided to make a gluten-free, grain-free, copycat version because why the hell not?! It’s Christmas!

Okay so another thing I should maybe mention is that I’m obsessed with Christmas. Like OBSESSED obsessed. I put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and I’ve had eggnog in my fridge since late September. What?! I can’t help it. Christmas is the best. Mainly because everything is covered in lights, Uggs are acceptable footwear, scarves are the best accessory, and the baking is on point. Oh man is the baking on point. Not only is baking so fun and delicious, but then you can also use the heat from the oven to heat your house, so it’s kind of like you’re saving money. Is it? No, it’s not, but just go with it.

So I also have been meaning to write a follow up to my July blog post about how I quit drinking for 8 months. Oh, you haven’t read that post yet? Well let’s go ahead and pause here so you can get caught up. It’s fine, I’ll wait…

And we’re back. So lots of you wonderful blog readers have reached out wondering, “What the heck Vanessa, are you a full-blown alcoholic again after your Honeymoon, or what? The people are dying to know.” So let’s go ahead and get right on into it, here’s my recap: I drank on our Honeymoon, I had champagne, piña coladas, dirty martinis, the works. I really enjoyed myself and I was surprisingly not hungover at all. I think the most drinks I had in one day would be about 4 though, so it’s not like I was a college girl after finals or anything.

I definitely felt and still feel myself sliding back in though. As I type this it’s only be 6 days since I’ve had a drink. After vacation ended I stayed sober until I visited a friend in San Francisco for my birthday (about a month total) and then I didn’t drink at all the month of October, I did a “Sober October” to try and get my sh!t together. Then November came in hot! I’ve basically drank every weekend in November, usually 3-4 drinks, sometimes in one day, sometimes over the whole weekend. We visited family in Tucson earlier in the month, then I had a friend in town, and then it was Thanksgiving…blah blah blah excuses, excuses. So I basically feel like someone who is walking up a steep hill and then every few feet or so, I slide back down part of the way. I believe “a slippery slope” is the easier and technical way to say that right? Ugh. See. Alcohol makes you dumb. Even after 6 days without it.

The original plan was to only drink on Holidays, special occasions, or when it’s really worth it. That plan has proven much harder to stick to than I originally thought it would. I think I just want to be one of those “in moderation” people so bad that I’m like, “Oh yeah, totally, I can make that work.” I’m still going to earnestly give that route a try because it makes the most sense to me. So the goal now is to make it until Christmas Eve without a drink and then start fresh in the New Year and go as long as I can again.

Each time I drink now I make a conscious effort to really ask myself, “What is it about this that I think I like so much?” because to be completely honest, the last few times I’ve gotten buzzed, it’s given me a sort of nervous paranoid anxiety that made me feel like, “I don’t like this, I feel uncomfortably fuzzy, I can’t articulate what I’m trying to say to this person, and I feel like everyone knows I’m drunk.” but then I still continue to do it anyway. Why? Is it to just check out of reality for a second? Or make things more challenging just for the fun of it? What is it? I’m still trying to figure this out.

On our 6 hour road trip to Tucson, Brad and I played the New York Times 36 Questions to Love which you are actually supposed to play with someone you’ve never met, but I thought it would be a good way to kill time. We’re married, so obviously we already knew a lot of the answers to the questions about each other, but it was still fun and there were actually quite a few that we didn’t know about each other. Like Question 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? He said me! Isn’t he the best?! That’s why I married him, but then I made him pick someone else besides me and he said Jesus. Which I thought was strange since he doesn’t believe in God, but anyway that’s another blog post for another time.

Fast forward to Question 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? His answer was amazing, he said, “I’d wake up without any vices.” Well, wow, that got me thinking (mainly because my answer was something dumb like be invisible or be able to sing) what causes us to have vices or need vices? Is that why I think I’m entitled to a drink whenever I want one? Is it because we live in a world where we feel entitled to our vices? Like we’ve earned them?

So I guess the Cliff’s Notes version of this blog post is I’ve realized I don’t particularly enjoy drinking that much anymore, but I’m still doing it anyway, and I have no idea why. Maybe I need therapy?! Or maybe I just need to read This Naked Mind again. Then the other part of me is like, who cares, YOLO, just drink and be merry. It’s the quintessential angel and devil on each shoulder.

So knowing what I know now, would I have still chosen to drink on my honeymoon or would I have continued my non-drinking stretch? The answer is yes, I would have still drank regardless. I enjoyed having piña coladas in St. Barth’s and having expensive champagne on my wedding night in St. Maarten, and drinking a cocktail as I watched the sun set over Anguilla. Yes. I’d do it again and again. It was part of the experience for me, and while it’s true that I know I would have had just as much fun without it, I still liked the feeling of just letting my hair down and completely indulging with no guilt. Just like you’re supposed to do on vacation.

As someone who rarely lets their hair down, meaning that figuratively rather than literally, because I’ve actually been wearing my hair down a lot lately, as I feel a workout bun is just not an appropriate way to present myself to society, no matter how convenient it may be and I spend way too much money cutting and coloring my hair to just throw it up so no one can see. I’m rambling aren’t I, where were we again?

Ah! Letting my figurative hair down felt really nice and carefree. And since I’m an abstainer, it’s hard for me to get out of the drinking cycle, if I’m still drinking on weekends. Are you as confused as I am? It’s hard getting all of your random thoughts and feelings into one concise point or blog post, so forgive me if this post seems scattered. I blame the alcohol obviously. 😉

I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store! I’m excited to get off the drink again and get back to that place where I was living my best life and things weren’t so foggy. As much as our society worships alcohol, I think there is really something to be said about living an alcohol-free life. It’s charming almost, simple and charismatic.

So anywho! That’s that. The married life rules too in case you were wondering. I love it! Everyone I tell that to says, “Oh well enjoy it while you can, that will change real soon!” Um, excuse me, that’s not nice. Be nice. Speaking of being nice, you absolutely have to make these copycat Cranberry Bliss Bars because they are just too delicious not to, they are very nice. So nice in fact that I think Santa took them off the ‘Naughty’ list just for you.

12 tablespoons (170 g) salted butter, browned

2 cups (184 g) sifted fine grain blanched almond flour

1/4 cup (40 g) coconut flour

1½ teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ teaspoon fine-grain sea salt

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

1 cup (135 g) sifted maple sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup (6 oz./180 g) white chocolate, chips or chopped

½ cup (70g) dried cranberries

16 ounces (452g) cream cheese, softened (see Notes for dairy-free option)

8 tablespoons (112g) unsalted butter, softened

1 cup (115g) (70g) powdered sugar, or sifted maple sugar

¼ cup (60ml) light-colored raw honey

1 teaspoon orange extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup (50g) finely chopped dried cranberries, for garnish

½ cup (90g) white chocolate, chips or chopped, for garnish

Brown the butter by placing it in a medium-sized heavy-bottomed saucepan (2.5qt./2.3L) and cook over medium-low heat. Stir intermittently using a rubber spatula. As the butter melts it will start to bubble and foam. As the butter continues to brown, the color will turn from lemon yellow to amber and go from a loud bubble to quiet simmer. When the butter is ready, brown specks will have formed at the bottom of the pan and some will start rise in the foam. The butter will also have a very pleasant nutty aroma. Remove from the heat and let cool for about 15 minutes. While butter is cooling prepare other ingredients.

In a large mixing bowl combine the almond flour, coconut flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, ground ginger, and salt. Stir together using a fork until well combined; set aside. In a separate medium mixing bowl add the maple sugar.

Once the butter has cooled, use a rubber spatula to transfer it into the maple sugar bowl, use the spatula to scrape in the browned bits as well. Beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer on low speed until combined, about 1 minute. Once the butter and sugar are mixed together, add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each, and then add the vanilla. Increase mixer speed to high and continue to beat until smooth bubbles appear on the surface, about 1 minute.

Transfer the wet egg mixture to the dry mixture. Use the spatula to scrape out any remaining liquid in the bowl. Beat on low until thoroughly combined. Then mix in the white chocolate and cranberries by hand. Scrape the dough down into the bowl and cover with plastic wrap, pressing directly on the surface. Place in the freezer to chill for one hour.

About 15 minutes before the hour is up, adjust oven rack to the middle position. Preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C). Line a 9x13 quarter sheet pan with parchment paper; set aside.

Once the dough is chilled, use fingertips to grab some dough and spread the dough evenly across the pan. Place a piece of parchment paper over the dough and roll out until the dough reaches the edges of the pan. It will rise during baking. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until browned on the top and edges and a toothpick comes out clean. Make sure the middle is cooked through completely. Cool completely before frosting.

Add the cream cheese and butter to a large mixing bowl or to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat together using a hand mixer or stand mixer set on medium speed until fluffy and combined. Gradually add the sugar, beating well after each addition. Then add the honey, vanilla, and orange extract and continue to mix until smooth and creamy.

Use an angled frosting spatula to spread the frosting across the cookie layer. To garnish, sprinkle the dried cranberries across the frosting.

Melt the white chocolate in the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir until smooth. Another method is to place the white chocolate in a large glass or metal mixing bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Stir intermittently, using a rubber spatula, until the white chocolate is completely melted. Once melted, let slightly cool, then transfer to a piping bag or re-sealable plastic bag with the corner cut off. Drizzle across the top of the frosting.

Use a sharp large chef’s knife to cut into 12 squares, wiping the blade after each cut. Then cut each square in half diagonally. Serve immediately. Store any leftovers covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.

To make these dairy-free, sub ghee for the butter (I recommend Tin Star Browned Butter Ghee or 4th Heart Ghee) and sub dairy-free cream cheese for the cream cheese in the frosting. Kite Hill makes a great dairy-free cream cheese and you can find their products in health food stores across the country. Omit white chocolate chips or use a dairy-free version.

Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/

December 1, 2017 | 17 Comments