#o shit its been more than a year since i last posted a fic

[jamiscrazy4krerdly]

The he/she/ghoul demigirl Catti fan focusing on ghoul not showing up in the spamton sweepstakes nor the newsletters: shriveled up, wilting away, beating up a pillow VS the he/she/ghoul demigirl Catti fan that realizes Toby Fox is intentionally hiding ghoul away because ghoul is the playable character of chapters 3-5: jumping up in joy, thriving, feeling the sun against their skin. (aw yeah progress report time >:3)

STUFF IS HAPPENING!!!! Wowowow so much stuffs its crazy how much stuffs is… I don’t… it’s… uhm, happening?!! I thought I should clear some shits up. Ok so basically I’m working on four simultaneous projects somehow!!! Two AUs (“Mystery Delta Dungeon” and Deltaswap Inspired “Delta Scene Change” title STILL pending) and the fourth and fifth iteration in my kind of Deltarune… Krerdly… series?? Idk what to call it but just know that that’s happening! The two new mainline fics don’t overlap too-too much which means working on both sort of at the same time is pretty stress free in the continuation department. Soo those are going smoothly (even if they’re still both kinda in the draft phase) and I’m really happy with the vibes there!! I actually decided to implement the fourth in the middle of the fifth so it’s more of a compliment to the series than anything but I definitely think it’s needed and a super welcome addition in my opini-onion. *~^* ~

The order I’m aiming to release my projs is Delta Dungeon 1st -> Delta Scene Change 2nd -> Pieromancer 3rd -> Boons and Banes of Love 4th! I think THINK (think) that Delta Dungeon could be finished by this year if I do a good job ;^> but don’t count on it because deadlines were my downfall for my last upload “Cosmetic Heart Container”. ònó I made the setting a friggin mall and pulled that “big fish small pond” shit at a MALL like omg there was so much… potential and I frew it all up but WHATEVER I’m proud of the buildup!! Just wish I didn’t have to spoil my own fun with deadlines (fuck deadlines)… maybe I’ll rewrite a sort of continuation for that fic and double it’s size when everything else is said and done?? I’ll see!!!! It definitely deserves justice!!

Speaking of aftermaths: I’ve been rolling the idea of a Catti-focused fic in my brain for a bit now. Don’t know about the nitty gritty details but after everything I think it could be fun to promote “major side character” to “main character” and see what happens. Don’t want to pull a Spamton NEO and drop dead after I sever my last string from Deltarune lol (ouch @o@) (won’t happen anytime soon @v@‘).

Since I posted Krises last time I felt like doing sneak peaks, here’s some supplemental Berdlys to keep them company.

Auugh the quality!! Sorry I blended the pixels and made a smoothie out of them. :( It was tasty tho.

Ok enough business it’s me time and I’m kicking it off with a huge announcement. I’m not afraid to say it anymore… I really like Gyftrot Noelle. I REALLY like Gyftrot Noelle!!!!! There’s something about her that speaks to me mhm mhm. My first experience with the concept was through the design done by @pespillo but while searching for references I also saw some really cute ones by @undertalegorls so definitely go and dig through their profiles to see the vision! ì.í

Okay I have to cut the silliness short because it’s time for… spontaneous Animal Crossing Headcanons!!

Kris Moment!!!

Bug Enthusiast Bug House Bug Island Only Bugs 3 Golden Nets In Inventory Flick’s Best Friend Flick Cosplayer Completed Bug Museum within 24 Hours via time traveling

Ugliest villagers imaginable

Most crafted item: pitfall seed

Crazy good at Hide-And-Seek, cracked custom outfit designer (countless horned-hat QR-codes)

Hates Blathers

“Sings” along at K.K. Slider concerts,

“Make Flick and CJ gay wedding real right now @NinninedoOfficial @NinninedoOfficial @NinninedoOfficial”

Programs the wedding themself out of spite.

Reaction Wheel - Mischief/Let’s Go/Sleepy/Cold Chill/Scare/Stretch/Sniff Sniff/Sneezing

Wordy Berd(l)y

Time Traveler Anti “I-IT’S CHEATING!!”

Achievement Enthusiast (according to his passport)

Doesn’t realize unlimited tasks are unlimited

Buys turnips up the wazoo but gets horrible selling price luck (always needs to use Noelle’s shop)

Keeps track of exact tool durability and customizes his tools different colors to refresh it

Can’t figure out why he doesn’t have every reaction

“Intellectual villagers ONLY” (that’s why)

Crushes on AND kins Raymond, very seriously considers getting a yellow or blue eye-contact to match his heterochromia

Hangs up all his villagers’ photos like trophies, including dupes

Regularly rants about his villagers to Kris (“Why is it that Raymond can spontaneously profess his love for me but YOU CAN’T?!”)

Cannot for the life of him make a pretty island, to his dismay

#1 Pocket Camp Hater

Blathers kinny

“Kris don’t let me fall asleep it is absolutely vital that I wish for star fragments tonight.”

Reaction Wheel - Pride/Aggravation/Thought/Smirking/Behold/Amazed/Mistaken/Heartbreak

Catti (Wow)

Queen of Nookazon

Hacked star trees

INVENTS fashion

Infamous haunted island dreamcode

Always has a matching umbrella

Favorite NPC is Brewster

“Wand-outfit slots… increase them.”

Reaction Wheel - Haunt/Take a Picture/Yoga/Resignation/Disagreement/Agreement/Intense/Work It

The bunny outside is frightful, Noelle

Cannot stop playing Happy Home Designer DLC

Permanently sets island to Winter

Terrified of Zipper the bunny

Completely normal about the New Leaf soundtrack being BETTER

Furnished extra houses for her family

Extremely attached to her villagers and convinced Catti and Ralsei to help her write fan-fiction for them

Takes animal crossing personality quizzes religiously

Highest HHA score out of her friends but doesn’t tell Berdly

Somebody get this girl more co-op features she is desperate.

Reaction Wheel - Eager/Pleased/Sighing/Sheepishness/Curiosity/Distress/Act Natural

Introducing… Ralsei!

Prince of Amiibo Cards (scans one every day because they are all his friends)

Really wants to show his friends every part of his island

Treats villagers like royalty

Can’t say no to villager requests

Posts ethereal flower patch combos

90% of his island consists of flower fields

Never had to look up a single fake painting tutorial

Jumped in joy at the food update

Mails letters to all his residents every day.

Reaction Wheel - Greetings/Wave Goodbye/Confetti/Glee/Delight/Worry/Apologetic/Here You Go

If anyone’s allowed to crash directly into the studio it’s Susie.

Borrows everyone else’s Switch to play

Runs everywhere holding an axe

Extremely emotional about fishing results

Goes out of her way to ask Blathers about fossils and responds with “woooah” every single time without fail

Claims the dinosaur exhibit is her favorite but finds all of the museum extremely relaxing

Dives off balconies into the water over and over

Sells everything through the drop-off box

Loves goofing around in Harv’s island

“The hell you mean you don’t grow rocks in your rock garden?”

Ralsei lets her terraform whatever she wants and builds off of it

Genuinely upset that she can’t terraform higher than 4 levels

“MOSS UPDATE??!”

Reaction Wheel - Flex/Encouraging/Curiosity/Laughter/Day Dreaming/Excited/Bashfulness/Shocked

And if anyone wants to visit MY island my Dream Address is DA-8935-5288-7510 ùvú

Also to contextualize this seemingly random Animal Crossing section, I’m sure some of you won’t be surprised to hear that before I was crisping chicken I was… a Marshmond maniac. *insert ominous thunder flash* Marshmond stands for Marshal and Raymond btw. Krerdly is definitely more Bob x Raymond lean, though…

Speaking of related characters!! I’ve been keeping track of kin-lists for my fav trio on the side. Here’s what I got so far!!

Kris Kins: Karkat (Homestuck) - Flick (Animal Crossing) - Link (The Legends of Zelda) - Beast Boy (Teen Titans) - Gnabbit (Mario Bros.) - Mae Borowski (Night In The Woods) - Bax Twiford (Ikenfell) - Metal Sonic (Sonic The Hedgehog) - Gramble Gigglefunny (Bugsnax) - Prince of Ouji (Katamari) - Creeper (Minecraft) - Courtney (Paranormal Park) - The Devil (Cuphead) - Magalor (Kirby)

Berdly Kins: Tobey McCallister (Word Girl) - Falco Lombardi (Starfox) - Revali (The Legends Of Zelda) - Waluigi (Mario Bros.) - Blathers (Animal Crossing) - Ibn Oxley (Ikenfell) - Lace (Hollow Knight: Silksong) - Jet The Hawk (Sonic Riders) - Snorpy Fizzlebean (Bugsnax) - Amity Blight (The Owl House) - Miles Edgeworth (Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney) - Ren (Oxenfree) - King Dice (Cuphead) - Sheldon (Splatoon)

Catti Kins: Raven (Teen Titans) - Bea (Night In The Woods) - Blaze The Cat (Sonic) - Beffica Winklesnoot (Bugsnax) - Katrina (Animal Crossing) - M’ggie (Broken Age) - Magic Witch Ashley (WarioWare)

“You better be afraid of the great CA-A-TTI!”

~~ OK ANYWAYS ~~

~~ LIGHTNING ROUND ~~

~~ DIRECTLY FROM MY NOTES APP ~~

~~ LET’S GO!! ~~

Kris and Susie going as Flick and CJ for Halloween.

Berdly asks Catti if they can go as Blathers and Celeste to follow suit and there is 1 (one) universe where ghoul says yes.

Kris and Susie love Bugsnax fr fr.

Kris and Berdly go bonkers over Bug Fables. Cosplay Group: Catti Lief, Berdly Kabbu, Kris Vi, Jockington Chompy.

Krerdly is so bogus binted x papers printed core <3

Berdly is Yikking out! (Leans in to kiss Kris at QC’s Diner without warning, they demand he never try to do so ever again.)

Kris pestering Berdly with “if. you. were. gay, da na-na na-na na-na. that’da. be. o-k. da na-na na-na na-na” all of pride month.

Catti and Noelle as the “should I kill off the characters in my book to make it more interesting?” audio.

Ralsei: Slay!! Noelle, internally: Sleigh??

Noelle, sweating and holding up a paw: Sorry I’m late, I was the man behind the slaughter! Susie, blowing steam out of her nose: I’m stuff…. wait what?

(To the tune of Fairly Odd Parents Theme Song) The trash and mash in that school stash Just gave out instantly When the magic little goat hidin’ his every dote Gave a prophecy!

“BANG, BANG, BANG STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEEAAARRT” -Kris every moment of every day after creating 77 original animation memes

“Pray tell, companion of mine, what is this… “jiggle jiggle skin” you are referring to?” -Player 1

“Glizzyyy” -Player 2 110%

Berdly HATES jellybeans because they’re awful and manipulative

For that last one I originally wrote down that Berdly really liked jellybeans because they just seemed to fit his palette in my mind until I ate one that made me wanna puke and decided it wasn’t meant to be.

Also also idk where to put this but there’s this one scene in Broken Age after Vella escapes the sacrifice ceremony where she’s standing on the back of a giant blue bird flying through the sky in her ripped dress and a knife in her mouth and I’ve never wanted Kris to take the place of another character so badly before… (Berdly makes a fun Shay replacement also but the big blue bird is clearly the hanging fruit here)

Ok! Cool! Good post! Awesome job! Thanks for sticking around. Play Ikenfell, Chicory, and A Short Hike. Don’t forget to totally look at my island lol I definitely didn’t speedrun finishing it just for this post lol. Appreciate cha if you do (DA-8935-5288-7510). Amazingness. Goodnight gamers.

Posted July 27th, 2023. Sparkle Sparkle.

[penname-artist]

I Made Two Bisexual Hazard OCs Now Come and Squish Them

You remember this post about the plane and forklift couple? Little ways back? (Only because I post things a LOT)

Okay, well,

I did the thing!

And I would like to share my work. Technically they’re both still a Work in Progress because I’m undecided on a few key elements (namely the military jargon is just, ugh) but the basis of the both of them is here! I present to thee: Tyker and Clutch!

“Tyker” (AKA Tyke or Ty) Pinion is a V-22 Osprey (that big plane with engines that can rotate to make it a helicopter), discharged from the military 3-4 years into it after some psychological problems happened - and possibly physical ones. (Side note, I hesitate to say he was in the USAF but that’s the only one that makes the most sense for an Osprey aside from maybe the Navy???) Heavily depressed following his discharge, he moved in with a highschool friend of his named “Clutch”, since he couldn’t be allowed to live by himself for the time being, and they grew to be even stronger buddies than ever. Well, maybe a little too strong.

He’s generally pretty quiet and too soft-hearted to make convincing trash talk to anybody. He’s also bisexual, but not really all that concerned about it. To be fair, he does not get out much. Also he’s become something of a TV junkie.

“Clutch” Tugger is a young heavy-duty forklift, just a couple of years younger than Ty is. She’s a chaotic bisexual with very strong butch tendencies, who works hard to provide for herself and keep the “Big Potato” alive. Part of keeping said Potato alive has been some “questionable nightly activities” of theirs that they still can’t decide whether or not it makes them a couple or just friends with benefits. The benefit is more important than the nitty gritties, in the end.

Tyker is the biggest softie probably ever, and Clutch contrasts nicely to that with her YOLO approach most of the time. They banter as old friends do and they’ve kept each other alive for the better half of the last five years, but things might be starting to change for them in a way that throws their paths into line with a few familiar faces...

Other and Unrelated Notes:

-In humanized formats here, Tyker is 6′3″, and c h o m k y (and, kinda self-conscious about it. He was more fit during his service, but five years of sitting on your ass feeling hopeless does shit to your body) with a rather uninspired working man’s shirt and jeans; meanwhile, Clutch is a tiny ferocious 4′11″ in platform boots and a backwards baseball cap.

-Tyker’s a blonde, while Clutch is originally brown, dyed...whatever color it is for the month, it changes a lot

-They both love cats unapologetically, but Clutch would trade a cat for a dog if it was big and had a patch over its eye so she could name it Patchy the Pirate

-They do video games together a lot

-If you’re wondering how a forklift and an Osprey “do it”, the answer I have for you is this: carefully. (There’s a fic covering this topic in the works and coming soon, patience)

[mugenloopdalove]

I agree that this community is rough sometimes if you arent a bigger account. I think im probably one of the people you would say has an easy time coming up with daydreams or imagines, even though i dont post "imagine your f/o" type things. So maybe i can offer some help with that? My first suggestion is to engage with the source material and get those good lovey feelings- why you fell in love in the first place! And then literally just write that! Dialogue comes easier for me, so i imagine my f/o's or others in their source material saying things to/about me, and how my f/o would react. Ive been selfshipping for 15+ years and ive NEVER "finished" a fic. I just write what feels good! Sometimes its just quotes, sometimes its bullet points, sometimes its a bunch of notes with one line each that end up getting put together. It might not be easy the first or even the tenth time, but i promise it will make you feel better the more you open yourself up to "im just going to write how i feel" rather than "i need to write a fic" or "i need to world build." Youre awful hard on yourself sometimes i think 🥺

-🪼anon

Thank you for the advice

CURRENTLY engaging w the source material has the cevat of my current main source is to rlly hard stuff that has just caused me more frustration cries so hard. Late act 3 my beLOATHED (I could pot the difficulty down but I'm stubborn. This game is lucky I played on balanced and didn't go straight for tactician LMAO)

I should have kept some of my earlier saves so I could go back to like. Meeting Astarion or the hug scene that breaks me or meeting Karlachs parents or Jaheria talking about her losses, but it is so hard to hold onto saves in bg3 u don't rlly get a lot. I GUEEEESS I could watch things on YouTube but then it would not be w Theil :( I should have saved more clips

That last advice is. Really helpful and good though. I've been writing since uuuhh elementary school and I never really let myself just do something lazy and self indulgent that isn't a true "fic" and just some random stupid points. I rarely even leave wips for one shots unfinished (long form is another story but that's why I don't rlly... Do long form anymore. Bc I've realized one shots or 2-3 chapters are what I do best.) I. Don't think it even ever occured to me to just scribble stupid shit down and leave it at that bc everythings gotta be a grand art piece w me ya know. That's actually. Smart to just scribble whatever down w out it being a fic. Thanks.

[breitweisergallery]

Fanfic ask game: B, F, G, H, K, L, O, P, S, T, W

Answers under the cut, it got long~

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Always any fic that has a writer in it is inspired by personal experiences. A lot of kid fics I write also tend to have scenes inspired by things that happened in my childhood (which really just goes to show how neurodivergent and undiagnosed I was)

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

He’s late?” 

“You’d think prison would’ve fixed his punctuality,” Gaon snorts. 

“How’d that work for you?” Hwang Junseok, leader of Alt-R’s former brother group MAX, sinks down into a seat opposite Gaon. His feet nudge against Gaon’s and Junseok gives him a wry grin. 

“Can’t say it fixed any punctuality problems, but I get laid now.” Gaon shrugs and pretends he doesn’t catch Junseok’s jaw slackening. 

“So it’s true? You and Judge Kang?” Junseok asks. Woojin sighs, a little louder, and scrubs his hand over his face. “Shut up, Woojin-ah, no one gossips with me anymore.” 

“Should’ve admitted you stole that shit ‘stead of me. Maybe you’d have a boyfriend then,” Gaon adds on, a grin threatening to break the barrier of nerves digging its heels into his stomach. 

“Though I’d hate to have to be the one to tell Eunbi you cheated on her with Kang Yohan of all people,” Junseok says. 

“I think she’d get it. She was raving, last time she was backstage with us.” Woojin hits him, and even as Gaon rubs his chest, pouting, a softness warms his heart at the slight roll of Woojin’s eyes but the smile tugging at the corners of his lips regardless. 

It had taken time, but they’d gotten there. Many late nights spent in a practice room, talking to each other had finally solved the rift between them, with Woojin’s guilt eating away at him and Gaon’s own uncertainty as to where they stood. 

“Leave Eunbi out of this, you bastards,” Woojin says, shaking his head. “Ah, someone text him and tell him if he’s not here in ten minutes, I’m leaving.” 

“Seven years and you still haven’t learned any patience, little brother?” The door slides open and the three of them at the table stumble to their feet. 

I've been told I'm very good at introducing a number of characters and keeping voices distinct, and I think this is probably the best example of that in a fic that I've written in a while.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Usually start to finish, but sometimes that does mean out of order (since my stories aren't always told chronologically)

H: How would you describe your style?

I think when I put in the effort, I have something closer to a poetic voice than anything else. I just... don't put in the effort a lot of the time.

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

TDJ - Yohan trades his life for Isaac's in the fire only to learn he had pulled Isaac from Heaven while he himself is trapped in purgatory for eternity.

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

It depends on how much effort I'm putting in. Usually I'll do at least one pass for an edit/revision, but if I'm really putting in the effort, I fully rewrite it at least twice.

O: How do you begin a story—with the plot, or the characters?

A concept or theme, then tying the characters to the theme or concept, and then finally building the plot from there.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the storu unfold as you go?)

I'm more of a letting it unfold as I go type of person, but it does pain me a little bit when that means I have to rewrite later because there are gaping plot holes or I didn't seed some plot points as early as I wanted to.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Anything angsty, I love a good redemption arc, love a good villain era

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Hanahaki, I can't stand anything that requires sex to happen in order to fulfill the trope in its entirety

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Anything and everything is so fun to me~! Things almost always start with a "what if X-" and then it devolves into a full plot from there (ex. I think I messaged Noel with a 'what if Yohan was in politics and Gaon worked for him but didn't have a set title' and it devolved into a full blown politics au that we messaged about for nearly a week).

[extremelyslappy]

Thousand Years

Pairing: Ritsu/Shou

Word Count: 7655 words

Summary: It's been five months since Shou left to go somewhere. He didn't say where, but it's been so long. Ritsu's slowly losing control of his life. Mob, Teruki, and Reigen are concerned and attempt to save him from drowning in his emotions. But it seems that the only lifeline that can save him is Shou himself.

Read on AO3!

"Ritsu, come on and stay with us. It'll be fun!" Shigeo pleaded as he gripped his brother's hands. Ritsu sat on the edge of his bed with the curtains drawn shut and the lights completely off. The uncharacteristically messy room unnoticeable in the dark.

The teen looked up and glared into his brother's eyes as they gleamed with innocent hope. He looked away and squinted at the open door that's letting in light. A figure rested against the doorway.

Ritsu quickly knew who it was at the sight of the awful, neon Ty-dye crop top and leggings with ripped short-shorts over them.

"Yea brother-kun, a night at Reigen-san's place will help you get away!" Teruki chirped with a plastic, cheeky grin he always carried when Shigeo was around. The second his brother was gone that facade quickly fades. It was amusing to Ritsu.

He eyed his messy desk with papers and pencils scattered.

"I... Uhm... I'm busy. I have to study and do homework..." Ritsu mumbled before pulling his hands away from his brother's.

"Oh... I guess you're right..." Shigeo mumbled. Shigeo turned away and was close to walking away.

"Hey! It's an extended weekend this week! An extra 2 days! You don't have to worry 'bout anything!" Teru quickly interrupted. Ritsu and Shigeo flinched at the sudden change in tone. Ritsu looked at Teru and saw the piercing glare. He knew Teru wouldn't let him say another word.

"I... Well... Fine, I'll come with you." Ritsu reluctantly agreed. Shigeo flashed a quick smile before helping Ritsu pack any necessities for the stay.

Five months ago, finding Ritsu's clothes and other necessities would've been a breeze. But somehow it seems like Ritsu's self-control slipped away.

Old clothes laid under the bed and wrappers and empty soda cans littered his desk. Dusty old books lined the shelves. Had they described Ritsu's room to anyone at school, they wouldn't believe them.

Shigeo and Teruki shared a glance as they saw Ritsu lazily throw a shirt into his backpack. His usual foreboding silence now heavier than before. They both knew why.

-----

"What do you mean you're leaving again?!" Ritsu screamed at the young esper. Shou simply rubbed his neck and gave his trademark smile.

"I'm not leaving! That implies I'm gonna be gone for a long time!" Shou responded. Ritsu, Teruki, and Shigeo faced Shou. Scratch that, surrounded him.

"You have a bad habit of 'leaving' with your definition of that word." Teru retorted with a slight cock to his hips as emphasis.

"Suzuki-Kun, we miss you when you're gone, that's all..." Shigeo said.

"Tch, as if." Ritsu scoffed.

"I know you love me. You can just tell me, Rit-chan." Shou said as he stuck out his tongue.

"God, no and don't call me that!"

"Besides, the longest I've been gone is like what... three weeks? That was only because of extensive travel delays." Shou explained.

"Travel delays? You probably have inherited billions of yen to waste. Can't you just call a private jet to take you back here like a taxi?" Ritsu sarcastically asked.

"I have to save my money. Pops gives me a bit for my allowance during the years. I knew that if I wanted to take down pops I'd have no source of income. So I've been saving up for several years." Shou casually elaborated. "Can't spend all of it on elaborate wants. I wanna go to college!" Shou shrugged.

The rest of the group was taken back by Shou's sound logic. It's often hard to forget that he knows how to manage his rough lifestyle.

"I'll only be gone for a while. I have to take care of some unfinished business..." Shou began to trail off. He quickly noticed his own changing mood and perked back up. "I'll call y'all when I'll be back, I promise!"

-----

It's been five months since then. Neither one got a single call or text from him. Hell, even a letter sent from a fucking carrier pigeon would be reassuring.

Shigeo and Ritsu both waved goodbye to their mother as they stepped outside. The sun burned Ritsu's eyes as he adjusted to the sudden brightness. He could've sworn it was late at night. But by the looks of it, it only seemed barely passed 12 PM!

Ritsu turned to face the other two. They seemed unfazed by the sunlight.

It pissed him off for some reason.

The trio silently stood at the front gate of the Kageyama household as they waited for Reigen.

They saw a sweaty man in a suit and tie walk calmly towards them. It was Reigen. He was right on time. 12:45.Though they wondered why he was so sweaty when it wasn't even that hot. (Truth be told, Reigen woke up late and sprinted here. Being on time is a life lesson that's important to teach! He must be a shining example to the kids! Or at least as much as he can be...)

"Master Reigen, I'm amazed at how you're always on time."

"Punctuality is key to success, Mob! Haha... Anyway, I'm gonna bring you guys to the apartment so you can drop your stuff. Then we can explore the bigger part of the city. How does that sound?" Reigen asked.

He scanned the kids' faces. Shigeo and Teruki seemed on board. While his younger brother paid no attention to anything; he seemed rather interested in the loose string of his shirt.

"Yea, that sounds good!" Teru responded.

"It sounds like fun." Shigeo agreed.

"Yea... Probably..." Ritsu also agreed (in response to Teru's sharp elbow jab to his side.)

----

The walk to Reigen's apartment was a drag. The heavy silence was overbearing on the group's backs. The small attempts from Reigen to make small talk failed to even lift the weight that was Ritsu. He tried to ask him how school was or how he was doing in his extracurricular activities, but the most he could stifle from him was a simple grunt or a one word response.

The rest of the walk there was silent soon after. They all lamented on what caused this mess.

Shigeo hoped that maybe getting Ritsu out would cheer him up a bit. Teru thought a little shopping spree/exploration in the city would "engage his senses". (Well, kinda...) Reigen was heavily against forcing Ritsu to do anything he was against, knowing it would provoke him. But Reigen decided to take a shot.

Nothing.

----

Shigeo started to pray for his brother to simply smile. His brotherly instincts couldn't handle seeing how Ritsu was. His mind began to wander as he imagined the worst that could've happened to Shou.

He knew Shou was strong and determined person. He would do anything and everything to get what he wanted. He noticed it when he found out who had staged his parent's murder and why. While the first few weeks he was... hesitant... to interact with Suzuki, once he saw how Ritsu took to him, Shigeo decided to let his grudge go for Ritsu's sake. Suzuki was loud and jumpy and full of energy which threw him off. He would also invite himself into their home randomly. Of course, he got used to it, but it is common courtesy to say you're coming over.

One day Shigeo came home early from his workout. He went to see his if his brother was home and found Suzuki on Ritsu's bed, knees up, with a drawing pad resting against them and with headphones in his ears. He tried to call out to him but Shou had his music up at a loud volume. Shou bobbed his head up and down as he sang along to a song Shigeo recognized.

He decided to just walk up to him and sit beside him. Once he did that, Shou quickly flinched and nearly fell off the bed before he ripped off his headphones.

"You should warn people when you're coming!" Shigeo remembered he shouted. He giggled at the irony.

"Nice drawing." He commented. He pointed at an elegant sketch of two figures dancing. Shou smiled.

"Thanks." Shou moved a bit to allow Shigeo to sit better. He then took one earbud and listened to the song Shou was playing.

"Oh, if you want I can change the song!" Shou offered. Shigeo shook his head.

"I like this song." They soon quickly sparked a conversation. They went on for what seemed like hours talking about whatever topic would come up from drawing, to music, to other interests while they each had an earbud and listened to the same song on loop. It was One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks. An odd song to bond over as Shou said, obviously embarrassed by his love for the song. But he quickly chastised him by saying that if he liked the song, then he shouldn't be embarrassed by what he loved.

He responded by poorly and loudly singing the song.

Shigeo joined in too with his broken English. It was the loudest he had ever sung in front of a person. It was exhilarating. He didn't even notice his brother standing at the door.

He began to wonder what could've happened to Shou that he wouldn't respond or communicate at all with them.

His internal percentage increased at the thought of the worst happening and at the sight of his brother hunched over and staring at the road.

----

By any outsider, Teru would look like any stereotypical teen distracted while texting and walking on their phone. However, well, that's kinda what he was doing.

To Shou: hey suzuki-kun

To Shou: yo suzuki

To Shou: shou wtf

To Shou: hey jackass

To Shou: fuck face

To Shou: away old

To Shou: *asshole i fucking hate autocorrect

To Shou: boi

To Shou: hey

To Shou: why

To Shou: wont

To Shou: u

To Shou: fucking

To Shou: answer

To Shou: god i hate u

To Shou: jk ily

To Shou: ....

To Shou: nvm

Teru grunted before shoving the phone back into the pocket of his shorts. Shou wasn't going to respond, right? What Teruki would give for even a single random message from Shou… He'd take one of those random memes he would send at like 1 in the morning where he would compare it to something that they actually did. (Teru's favorite message was when he sent a gif of a man wearing shades and sprinkling salt and said "lmao i found reigen") Teru would often find himself staying up late and staring at his phone. He waited for his phone to vibrate only to be dragged back to sleep.

-----

Reigen even started to miss the boy. He would often barge into the office when Mob wasn't around or when he was at school. He would lie on the couch and help around the office by filing paperwork and even helping him exorcize some spirits from time to time. Though the amount of time he spent at Reigen’s office concerned him.

“Are you even enrolled in a school?” Reigen had one day asked.

“A what?” He remembered he responded with. Reigen rolled his eyes.

It’s the little things he learned about Shou that made the man connect with the kid. Reigen knows that he liked to drink hot chocolate out of a cup that had little bunnies on them. Shou liked to mess with Serizawa when he was in the office. Often playing lighthearted jokes or pranks at the poor man. But Shou knew where Serizawa’s limits were and the older man admired that.

Shou liked to watch dumb videos of people getting hurt on his computer or some wrestling recaps. Shou would often play cheesy pop songs on blast when no other client was around. They would often end in dance competitions between all three of them. He remembered a specific moment that ended up with a broken wooden chair and a hamster scrambling around in its ball on the floor when a client walked in.

He also liked to draw on Reigen’s laptop. He remembered fondly at how he drew different illustrations. Shou was very passionate about his hobby. Reigen even mentioned at how he should study and find work in that field.

What he found odd was that Shou flushed at the comment. What sounded like a typical offhand comment to most, flustered Shou.

He must have not heard any compliment like that. Reigen thought. Reigen was typing on his laptop when he remarked that. Once he looked back at the kid, Shou was scribbling even faster in his sketch book.

Even when times were slow, he was able to connect with the kid and even help him during his more troubled times. The kid's life was more broken than a shattered mirror, which surprised Reigen at how well he handled everything. During the past few months, he patiently waited for the loud knocking on his window. The potted daffodils Shou gave him still sat by the windowsill.

----

They had soon arrived at Reigen's apartment. The trio placed their bags down on his couch. Reigen offered them water and a small snack before heading into the larger part of the city. Shigeo and Teru had accepted while Ritsu opted to lie on the couch and curl up.

"Are you sure you don't want even a glass of water?" Reigen asked with concern. Ritsu simply curled up even more.

"I'm sorry... I'm not hungry. My stomach hurts a bit." Ritsu responded. Reigen grabbed his small backpack and packed a couple of granola bars and several bottles of water.

--

After a couple of minutes, they had begun to take off and take a bus there. Once they had arrived, Ritsu decided to shut everything around him out.

All the bright colors from the neon bright lights and signs just muddied up into some odd and dark color. The sounds of multiple cars passing became mute in his head. Even when they walked into a store that had clothing he wanted, he couldn't seem to find any way to feel anything.

It bothered him so much. All Ritsu wanted to do was just to laugh with Reigen at Teruki's horrible fashion tastes. He wanted to laugh until he started to cramp in his abdomen when Teru put on a large fluffy coat that was a bright pink with lightning bolt shades. When his brother turned to him with a smile, he forced a laugh to ease his brother's concern.

But he couldn't really find anything energy to be honest with his emotions. He still had no energy even when he asked Reigen for the granola bar. Everything seemed to drag on and it pissed him off so much.

Something was missing.

He knew what it was.

But he was powerless to do anything about it.

He missed Shou.

He actually missed that ball of red hair and he couldn't believe it.

Was he going to come back?

He promised he would.

Was he even alive? Ritsu didn't even want to think about that.

Maybe he left on purpose because he hated them? Somehow that thought hurt more.

But, how long was he going to wait and hold out for Shou to come back? It's been five months. The school year is almost over.

How long will he wait and blissfully hope for Shou's return?

"Ritsu? Ritsu? You there?" A soft voice asked. He looked up and didn't even realize they were walking. His brother had a small hand on his shoulder as Teru and Reigen both held concerned expressions. He wiped his wet eyes and smiled.

"Yea, I'm fine. I didn't mean to space out. What were we talking about?" Ritsu asked with a smile creeping a bit.

He finally decided on what he was going to do.

---

Their trip soon came to a close as the sun threatened to set. All of their hands were filled with bags of several knickknacks and clothes. He walked beside Reigen as Shigeo and Teru walked ahead of them to the bus station.

"Hanazawa-Kun?" Shigeo asked with bags covering his entire face.

"Yes, Shige?" Teru sweetly said. Ritsu and Reigen rolled their eyes at Teru's obvious flirting.

"Uhm... Oh! Are you doing anything next week?" He asked, blushing a bit.

"I don't think so. Why?"

"Uh.... My art class... We're doing an exhibition as a final project. I wanted to see if you wanted to come and see what I made. I based one part of my project on you!" Shigeo stated. Teruki was taken back by the offer and blushed a bit.

"Hanazawa-Kun? Are you getting a fever?" Shigeo asked as he placed the back of his hand against his forehead. Teru simply stuttered out an affirmation in response which seemed to please Shigeo. Teru quickly looked away and stared at the ground in embarrassment.

Reigen sucked his teeth and turned to Ritsu.

"Can you believe this? They're so obvious!" Reigen cried out. Ritsu gave the man a confused look.

"I mean, look at how they flirt. It's painful." Reigen groaned. Ritsu now understood.

"Yea, my brother isn't the most... Observant of all people... Don't even get me started about all the times he's asked me about if Hanazawa-Kun talks about him when we hang out." Ritsu commented.

"Ha ha ha! There have been so many times I've had to play therapist for Teruki because he asked me how to deal with his emotions for Mob!" Reigen chuckled. He raised an eyebrow and motioned his thumb towards them. Ritsu knew what he meant and shook his head.

They'll find out how to resolve their feelings in this messy world. So, why meddle with it? Ritsu smiled as he watched them stumble and blush their way in love.

----

By the time they had returned back to Reigen's apartment the sun was a dark, rich red and orange in the horizon. Tired and hungry, Reigen offered to go to a fast food joint nearby and pick up something for all of them.

The three were silent for a while as they all sat on the couch with some random show playing in the background.

"Hey... Let's have a pillow fight..." Teru said and looked at the two siblings.

"We shouldn't mess with..." Shigeo said.

"I'm in!" Ritsu shouted. Shigeo closed his mouth, shocked at the sudden change in mood. Teru quickly grabbed a couch cushion and threw it at Ritsu's face. As it comically slid off, a devilish smile began to form.

"It's on!"

---------

"Hey guys, I brough- Agh!" Reigen screamed as he was hit in the face with a pillow. He looked up from the bags of fast food he carried and saw the entire apartment in disarray. All the kids stood frozen in their tracks. Teruki and Ritsu both had a pillow raised and aimed at each other while Shigeo stood nearby holding one and shaking in his boots.

Reigen laughed and picked up the pillow on the floor.

"You guys could've waited for me!" Reigen laughed. "Hey, Mob!" He shouted.

"Yes, master?" He said.

"Think fast!" Reigen yelled before quickly throwing the pillow in Shigeo's direction. The other two quickly caught on Reigen's scheme.

Ritsu quickly dove and tackled his brother to the ground and landed hard on the ground. While Teru dramatically ran in front of the pillow as it hit him in the chest with a loud thud. Teru fell backward hard on the floor. He placed the back of his hand against his forehead and reached for the ceiling light with his other hand.

"No! I've been hit! I can see the light!" Teru melodramatically shouted.

"Hanazawa-Kun! No!" Ritsu fake cried as he crawled to Teru and placed his forehead against his chest. Teru pulled Ritsu's head up.

"Brother-Kun...."

"Yes?"

"Tell Kageyama-Kun... That I..." Teru dramatically wheezed as he gripped Ritsu's hand.

"You what?"

"I.... I... Ugh..." Teru stuck his tongue out as he rolled to his side with a snicker.

"No! Hanazawa-Kun is dead! Rest well soldier!" Ritsu screamed. He motioned Shigeo to come closer. Shigeo kneeled on the floor, confused as to what was going on.

"Oh, Shigeo! What are we gonna do now?!" Ritsu continued to fake cry as he tightly hugged his brother. He was still confused, lightly patted his back.

"Bury him?" Shigeo answered. Ritsu immediately stood up and pulled him up.

"You're right!" Ritsu cried as he went to pick up all the pillows he could find. He looked at Reigen and Shigeo to do the same. They all began to pick up and find all the pillows they could carry.

With their arms full of pillows, the three surrounded the boy on the floor.

"Does anyone have anything to say about Teruki Hanazawa?" Reigen asked in the same dramatic tone.

"Hanazawa-Kun was a good person. He will be missed?" Shigeo tried to act along, but he didn't know what to do. He could hear a small sniffle from the floor.

"Yea, Hanazawa-Kun was kinda cool. Eh, he's also an asshole." Ritsu flatly stated.

("Hey!"

"Shut up, you're supposed to be dead."

"None of you are invited to my funeral... Except Kageyama-Kun.")

"If that's all, then we shall begin the ceremony!" Reigen said. By ceremony, they meant to drop all the pillows on top of Teruki, covering him in head to toe with pillows till you couldn't see any speck of him.

Ritsu quickly nudged his brother and snapped his fingers and looked at Reigen. He opened his mouth in an O-shape in response. This wasn't their pillow fight. When Ritsu and Shigeo did the same with their parents, they came up with secret signals. "Ambush." That's what that one meant.

"Hanazawa-Kun will be avenged!" Ritsu shouted before he grabbed a pillow in both hands as Shigeo followed also. They charged for Reigen and tackled him to the ground. They both started to smack the man around with the pillows. It seemed like they had the upper-hand until Reigen grabbed them both.

"I can't move!" Shigeo shouted.

"I call this move 'The Bear Hug'!" Reigen proclaimed as he tightly squeezed the two kids. The man began to cackle maniacally. This was it... It's over...

Until Reigen was met with a mouth full of feathers!

"Agh! What!?" Reigen cried as he released the kids out of shock. The brothers looked up at who their savior was.

"Hanazawa-Kun!" They shouted as Teru continuously hit the man with a pillow. The brothers quickly grabbed more pillows and joined in also.

"I thought you were dead?" Shigeo asked.

"Spiritual intervention calls!" Teru shouted as he continued to hit the poor man.

"Ah! Please! No more! I surrender!" Reigen cried as he gripped a stray napkin and waved it like a flag. The kids stopped and were breathing heavily. Man... What a workout...

Reigen sat up and looked at the time on the TV.

"We should eat! We don't want the burgers getting cold." Reigen pointed at bags of food on the table. The three immediately got up and dashed for the food, suddenly remembering how hungry they were.

----

After eating and cleaning up, Reigen pulled out the couch to the bed it can be. The four laid on it and put on some animated movie that Shigeo really wanted to see. They huddled with a large blanket and a large bowl of popcorn in middle.

The movie he wanted to see was surprisingly poignant seeing as it was a movie about sentient emotions in a teen's brain. They continued with a movie Teruki wanted to see, which was a b-rated horror movie. He didn't really consider Teruki to be a horror movie person. The movie was so cheaply made and the special effects were so poor it was hard not to laugh.

By the time it was his turn to choose a movie, everyone else has fallen asleep. Reigen had his head back against the couch, snoring loudly. Shigeo had laid his head on his lap, back on the couch. Teruki snuggled his brother as he had his head snuggled into Shigeo's chest and an arm lazily wrapped around his waist.

Ritsu sighed as he stared at the time. 1:23. Heh. It went in numerical order. He grabbed the remote and lowered the volume and selected some show and a random episode. He didn't get it. It was a show about an office and the people who worked there.

God, he was so tired. Trying to keep a happy face was tiring him out. He didn't understand how waiters or cashiers did it. He found a new gratitude towards them. But he wanted to sleep for the next few days, yet he wasn't tired.

The end of the couch where Ritsu sat at was the closest to the window. He looked up and out the window as he ran his fingers through his brother's hair. He was pretty sure Shigeo was drooling.

The mindlessly gazed out at the stars with the TV being white noise to cover the silence. His eyelids started to become heavy. He'll just... Slowly... Sleep...

Zap!

Ritsu quickly bolted wide awake as he felt a surge of energy invade the air. It felt like another person was near.

His head shot up and he looked at the sky.

A familiar streak of orange ripped the night sky as if the morning sun had shot it with a bullet.

Could it be? It had to be!

He got up and carefully settled Shigeo down and pried open the window. He crawled out and onto the emergency exit. His socks were the only source of warmth against the cold metal. His eyes lit up in wonder as he gazed at the orange streak in the sky.

He had to follow it.

He quickly climbed down the emergency exit's stairs. Once at the end, he quickly jumped onto the pavement. He looked up again. The streak was fading.

Ritsu got up and kept his gaze on the streak in the sky as he sprinted through the streets. His socks were going to be so dirty after this. His attention was so focused on the sky that he narrowly missed a car about to hit him.

He must look crazy. It's the middle of the night and he was running through the streets in an area he didn't even know. He was wearing an old, green, long-sleeved shirt with some gray sweatpants and he was just in his socks! He wouldn't be surprised if someone had called the cops on him and said he was a runaway.

None of it mattered. He was going to follow the fucking streak until it killed him. He continued to run for what seemed like hours.

Hell, he now ended up on a god damn bridge! He hoped to God no one was going to mug him. Wait. He was an esper. He can just fight back.

Ritsu continued to sprint through the city as he followed the orange streak in the sky. He tracked its every move and every turn it did.

His legs were starting to give out as they shook under his weight. His chest was tight and his lungs and throat pierced through his body. His head was pounding and he could hear his ears ringing.

But nothing was going to stop him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if it was nothing. If he had been running for hours for what was nothing.

No! Ritsu pushed those thoughts out of the way.

"It's him! It's gotta be!" Ritsu cried out to the night.

-----

Soon, he started to recognize where he was. He was... In his neighborhood? Yeah, it had to be! He was near by the road that led to the bus stop they took to get to Reigen's apartment. And he recognized that tree that Shigeo once puked on when they were little! And he recognized the house of a sweet, old woman who would invite them over for tea!

The streak in the sky soon descended somewhere near where his house should be. It had to be! He's not dreaming! With the last of his strength, he sprinted to his home. Ritsu never ran as fast as he had now. Not even when he was competing in the school's triathlon. His chest felt tighter than when Claw had first kidnapped him and when the dreaded fear of never escaping clawed his mind. The wind pierced his face like it was throwing an endless supply of needles. Ritsu would brave it all again and again if it meant he could see him again.

He was running so fast, he barely registered that he almost passed his own house. He skidded to a stop and slammed the gate open so hard, it slammed into the brick pillar with a loud crash. It would've definitely woken up his parents had they been home. The lights being off told him so.

Ritsu looked up and saw a shadowy figure standing on his balcony trying to pry open the window to his room.

Ritsu stood at the entrance, right in front of the gate. He hunched over, breathing in and out harshly as he gripped his knees to maintain balance. His chest heaved as he realized just how tired he was. The security light on top of the brick pillar being the only source of light in the street. His hair was messier than usual as weird strands stuck out in odd places. He could feel drops of sweat running down his face. Ritsu was definitely sure that his feet were bleeding and calloused now.

He didn't care.

The shadowy figure seemed to move its head towards Ritsu. Ritsu's glare pierced the figure's soul. The only thing filling in the silence between the two was Ritsu's heavy breathing. The figure stepped away from the windowsill and move closer to the edge of the balcony. Pale fingers gripped the railing as they looked below. When the security light shined brightly enough, Ritsu could make out a familiar strand of red hair.

A familiar aura invaded his senses. He felt warm. Safe. He couldn't take it.

"Hey, Ritsu! You forget your sh-"

"Fuck you!" Ritsu screamed, interrupting Shou.

"Huh?!" The boy flinched at his response. This was not what he imagined.

"You heard me, you fucking asshole!" Shou was taken back by his harsh tone. This was definitely not what he planned.

"Five months. That's how long you've been gone!" Ritsu cried. His entire body was shaking with adrenaline.

"Do you know... How worried we were?! How long we were waiting?!" Ritsu asked. Shou knew he didn't want an answer.

"You didn't call or text us. Even a fucking letter would've been nice! We asked ourselves so many questions. We started to wonder... “were you ever going to come back?” We even doubted if you were still alive. They clawed at us like a bear." He breathed in harshly.

"We tried to tell ourselves that you were okay and you would be back soon. But more often than not..." Ritsu sucked in another breath. "I thought that you hated us so fucking much that you decided to run away."

"I tried so hard to convince myself you would come home. I wasted these past five months locked up in my room, hoping you would barge in and everything would go away." Fat tears started to stream down his face, mixing in with his sweat.

"I wasted all this time thinking about you while everyone else had seemed to move on. Nothing else mattered. I stopped paying attention in class and doing homework cause I didn't want to miss you if you came back!" He could feel his tears pool at the corner of his mouth as he continued to blubber.

"Earlier today, when we were in the city, I asked myself... "How long am I going to wait?" And so..." The tears began to drip from his mouth like drool. He tried to wipe his mouth but his arm kept shaking.

"Shigeo and the rest of us just looked at me as I spaced out. And then I decided..." Now he could feel fucking mucus dribble down too.

He sniffled and wiped his nose. "I would move on with them. I decided that I would stop thinking about you. I was going to wait for you. Even if I graduated middle school, high school, college, I would wait for you. Even if I was old and gray and filled with wrinkles... I was going to wait for you here." All Ritsu could taste was salt in his mouth.

"And now that I promised myself that you and your fucking face now decide to show up!" Ritsu dropped to the floor onto his knees. He huddled himself as he wrapped his arms around himself. His nails dug into his shoulders. He lowered his head and hunched over as if he was gonna roll into a ball.

"I was so happy that my brother didn't have to worry about me anymore! I was so proud that I decided that on my own! Agh!" Ritsu was full-on bawling now and he couldn't stop crying.

"And now you decide to fucking come home and make me break my promise!" He screamed and cried like a pained animal.

"Just do one good thing in your entire goddamned life and answer me!" Ritsu screeched as his tears started to choke him.

"Tell me you still care! Tell me you still care about all of us!" He heaved one last final breath.

"I'm fucking begging you, tell me you love me..." He was barely able to muster the plea. Ritsu caved in and fell forward. He felt his forehead touch the cold pavement. His head was pounding and his lungs were scrambling for air as he continued to cry. Ritsu screwed his eyes shut as he repeatedly shook his head.

Warmth starts to surround him. He no longer felt any weight in his legs. Everything felt light. He opened his eyes as saw the ground no longer below him. An orange hue embraced him in its stead. There was a small tug at his sleeves before he felt warm hands held his own. He felt a thumb run across his knuckle. He looked up and was met with pale blue eyes that welcomed him and a smile that killed him.

Shou cocked his head and closed his eyes and chuckled. He opened them once more and gave his signature wide smile.

"Of course! I could never forget you! I've always loved you! I have since... like what? Forever!?" Shou cried out.

Ritsu was taken back. A sudden surge of energy courses through his veins. He looked at the aura and saw a mess of orange, blues, and purples clashing. Ritsu smiled and tackled the red head. His arms wrapped around Shou's neck tightly as he still cried. Ritsu's hand gripped his hair as the other grasped his jacket tightly he could rip it.

Shou returned the sentiment and wrapped an arm around him and ran his fingers through Ritsu's tangled hair and pressing light kisses where ever he could reach.

Shou softly moved his hands as he pulled Ritsu back. He placed a hand on each side of his face. His eyes were red and puffy and still crying. Tear stains covered his face. Some hair stuck to his forehead from the sweat. Shou shook his head.

What a mess. He thought. Shou leaned in and closed his eyes. Ritsu did the same until their lips locked.

Their first kiss was messy as they both cried and tasted salt. Their noses bumped into each other and their teeth knocking. It wasn't the most cinematic thing Shou imagined it would be. But after everything, it was perfect to him. It tugged his heart in all the right places. Neither of them wanted to let go. But they still had to breathe. They leaned away as their aura mashed into one solid color.

Ritsu chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Shou asked as he held Ritsu's hand. Ritsu squeezed back affectionately.

"God, I was such a drama queen."

"Really?" Shou said sardonically.

"Shut up. You're not worth it." Ritsu looked away, blushing and with a smirk.

"Well, at least I know you love me now." Shou teased with his tongue sticking out.

"Heh, dork... I love you." Ritsu hushed. His legs tangled with Shou's as he laid his head against Shou's chest.

"So do you wanna meet the rest yet?" Shou asked.

"Gimme a sec, my head hurts and I didn't sleep..." Ritsu mumbled into his shirt. Shou hummed a response as he looked off into the distance. "Hey. Hey. Ritsu."

"I didn't mean that literally!" Ritsu said.

"No. Look at the distance." Ritsu looked up and turned to where he was staring. The sun was slowly rising up as it painted the city with hues of orange, and yellow, and red. He snuggled a bit closer to Shou. They both watched the city slowly come alive as people walked out of their houses and light started to turn on. It was a lovely view. Ritsu's eyes slowly became heavier and heavier. Shou looked down and saw Ritsu fast asleep. He embraced the esper once more, still staying levitated in the air.

-----

Once Ritsu and Shou arrived at Reigen's apartment, (they returned via bus. They got a lot of strange looks.) They were met with an onslaught of questions and hugs and tears.

"Where were you?! Where did you go?!" Shigeo asked Ritsu as he roughly gripped his shoulders. He had panicked the most as he began to wonder if he had done something crazy and impulsive. He was so close to barging out the open window and attempt to track him down.

"Also you look horrible!" Teruki commented.

"God and were you outside without shoes?!" Reigen cried in concern. "And don't think we forgot about you too, Suzuki!" He added with the tone of a scolding parent.

Teru tackled the redhead and pinned him to the ground. He started flailing and throwing random punches at him. Once he stopped, he lifted Shou and did those types of hugs where they would lock hands and pull each other into a hug with a lot of patting. Teru sneakily wiped his eyes to avoid his mascara running down his face.

Shigeo pulled Shou into a smothering embrace and he dug his face into Shou's hair. He sighed and ruffled whatever part of the elder brother he could reach. Once he pulled away, Shigeo was silent as shameless tears streamed down his face. It must have been the most emotion he's seen him show. Just as Shou was about to talk, he felt large arms wrap around his waist and lift him up.

"Hey! Put me down! What do I look like an animal?!" Shou cried.

"I mean..."

"Shut up, Teruki."

"Sorry, kid! Been saving my strength for this moment." Reigen shouted as he waved Shou around like a new pet. He pressed a soft kiss into the tangled hair. "Miss ya’ kid." Shou smiled at the most parental love he's received so far. Reigen placed the kid down and wiped a stray tear from his face.

"Guess we have a lot of explaining to do!" Shou said and placed his hands on his hips as he looked at Ritsu.

----

After they had all washed up and changed and treated Ritsu's wounds, they all huddled in the thick blanket on the couch as they held a bowl of cereal in their laps.

Ritsu explained how he saw Shou and impulsively followed his aura. He described how he found him and their reunion while leaving out some... details. But they got the picture as Teru nudged Ritsu and Shigeo glared at Shou in that protective manner. He looked away and started to sweat at the pressure. Reigen rolled his eyes.

----

Once Shou began talking, they all leaned in.

He was sent on a mission to take down the last remaining Claw branches and other related institutes such as labs or gathering areas. He went with other espers and even some former Claw members who had changed. They had to travel the world to do so. While whoever sent them on the mission funded the travel and any stays in a hotel, everything else was on them. He wasn't sure who had commissioned them to do so. They assumed it was a government branch wanting to clean up the Claw divisions quickly to avoid any public scrutiny.

Teru called Shou out at how come he didn't invite the rest of them to help.

He sighed and explained at how he was legally obligated to not tell people about the mission. Though, Shigeo easily rebutted that by listing all the laws he had previously broken. Shou had confessed that he didn't want his friends to get hurt even more by what his father had caused. He gripped the sheet before breathing in and out.

Shou retold that it was during his first battle that he had broken his cell phone and thus was unable to call them. Once he had gotten a new phone, he was told face to face by an official that he wasn't allowed to communicate with other people outside of the team he was assigned to. Then his phone was confiscated and he never got it back. Actually, all forms of communication with people outside the group was prohibited.

He was first sent to France with a few other people since he was one of the few fluent French speakers. It was actually because of his fluency in multiple languages that caused him to stay in the program longer. It was helpful for communication and translation. But once the program found no more use in a person, they were essentially shipped out and never heard of again.

"How did you get back here?" Reigen questioned.

"I have no idea. After I completed my final mission, which was to just destroy a lab and collect some stuff there, I was sent to an empty room and I had a bag placed over my head and I felt something poke my neck and I was knocked out. I woke up in a hotel bed with a complimentary gift basket and my stuff on the table which was weird. I checked outside and I was only a couple blocks away from the edge of Seasoning City. And so... Ta-da!" Shou gave them jazz hands. "Here we are!"

"Were you okay though? Like did they hurt you?" Shigeo questioned. Shou took another bite of his cereal.

"I was fine. They only poked me with a needle in the end, see?” Shou turned his head and moved his hair away to show a bandage with stars on it. Once he peeled it away, there was a small scar of a needle poke. He placed the bandage back on.

“There was little interaction between us and the people who were in charge. The most interaction we had was when we first assembled and they placed a tracker on us and when they said I couldn't talk to people outside. Even when we traveled, we were in a black plane that had no windows and we couldn’t even use our powers on it." Shou nonchalantly explained.

"I did make some friends there! The more connections, the better!" Shou exclaimed.

"So... Is Claw completely gone now?" Reigen asked. Shou took another bite.

"Like I said, once they found no more use for you, they kicked you out. I was there the longest out of my group. But only because of the languages I can speak and my connections to Claw. There could still be some remnants of it." Shou said through his cereal.

"Did they know about how you’re... y'know... his son?" Ritsu cautiously asked. Shou took another bite.

"I don't know. I don't know what they know. They could have some of the biggest dirt on me and I'm unaware. That's why I didn't want to get you guys involved. I don't know what they can or will do." Shou slurped the remaining milk and wiped his mouth.

"They seemed pretty sketchy, that's why." Shou finished as he stared at his empty bowl.

"Hey, Reigen. Can I get some more?" He asked and lifted his bowl. Reigen smiled and got up. He grabbed the bowl with shaky hands. Man, Shou has gone through too much.

"Instead... let's get something to eat. Y'know, to celebrate this little rascal returning home!" Reigen happily offered. "In fact, I'll call Serizawa to close up shop instead and to join us!" Reigen pulled his flip phone out of his pocket and called Serizawa.

"Hey, Katsu. Today's gonna be a day off... Yea... Meet us up at the restaurant I took you last time... Oh! 'Cause Suzuki's back!" Reigen immediately flinched and pulled his phone as far away from his ear as loud screaming and talking could be heard from the speaker. The rest of the kids laughed at Serizawa's reaction.

They all began to pack up and walk out the apartment door. The mess that was the apartment can be cleaned later. As they began to file out one by one, Ritsu and Shou stayed behind them. Their fingers brushing a bit before they held each other's hand. Ritsu turned to Shou and smiled. He could feel his face becoming warm.

"I'm glad you're back." Ritsu sweetly whispered. Shou gripped his hand tighter. He leaned in a pressed a light kiss on his cheek. Yep, now his cheeks were burning up. Ritsu hid his face into the hem of his sweater. Shou giggled and blushed a bit.

"I'm glad you have your shoes on." Shou joked. Ritsu gave the redhead a light shove in retaliation. They continued to walk behind the rest of them down the sidewalk, hand in hand, chatting about time they had lost.

----

[bigskydreaming]

Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative. 

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[susiecarter]

Are you working on any long superbat fics?

:D This kind of has two answers, anon! One is that I definitely 100% can guarantee that I will be, since I'm signed up for this year's round of the Superbat Reverse Bang (@superbatreversebang). I haven't started yet, because authors are getting a look at the claims gallery for the first time this upcoming week (!!!!) and claims are next weekend (!!!!!!!), but yeah. No matter what happens, I can guarantee that that will result in at least one probably-excessively-long Bruce/Clark fic out of me, posting by May/June.

AND THEN the other answer is that I already am :'D but the timeline is wibblier here. Basically, I'm hoping to turn 2022 into a Year of Finishing Some Shit, because I have so many Bruce/Clark ideas and outlines that have been sitting around for so long, and I've put off working on them over and over because I've had some deadline or other, but THEN, I told myself, AFTER THIS, and yeah. :| These include but are not limited to:

Literally the first fic I started writing in my head after seeing BvS way back in the day! Which I STILL have not finished. /o\ I did actually write some chunks of this, but I didn't have a clear understanding of certain characters' powersets and I also hadn't seen MoS, and yeah. I now have a WAY better idea where I want to go with the plot ... but p much everything I've written needs to be reworked. If there is ONE thing I want to finish this year that isn't for an event or a gift for anyone, it's this. *shakes fist at it*

I signed up for a Superbat Secret Santa last year, which was A+ and I had a wonderful time writing for a totally irresistible prompt ... but that story was actually my second idea, because outlining the first idea I wanted to write turned into a multi-part canon-divergence AU I was never going to finish on time. :'D I want to try to get back to that one while it's still fresh in my head, and get it done as a late gift!

Sequels! I want to write the Clark-actually-comes-back-to-life sequel to Shape of Hope, and the what-about-the-rest-of-BvS-plus-more-kinky-sex-and-fumbling-relationship-negotiation sequel to praying for sparks, and BRUCE POV FAKE DATING, my white whale! The most ambitious of these would be a "what comes next" for Through a Glass, because that really only barely resolved its emotional arc by the skin of its teeth, it was SO LONG ALREADY and I had to end it somewhere, but I have so many thoughts and feelings about that version of Bruce and Clark actually getting their shit sorted out. *____*!

KNIGHTMARE FICS. There is a post-JL epic about the rest of the JL also having Knightmare visions/dreams + why that's happening + averting it and defeating Darkseid, in my heart, and I would like to get it out! Also Bruce getting thrown forward, living through a bunch of the Knightmare future, and then snapping back to the "present" all grim and traumatized and desperate to prevent it! Knightmare Clark killing Bruce, breaking the mind control on himself in doing so, and frantically time-traveling backwards to make it never happen, all grim and traumatized and desperate to prevent it. :'D

New things! I need to catch up on DKoS, and actually pick up Injustice, but I'm dying to write some Bruce/Clark in each of those continuities at some point, because y e s. :D

And of course all entries on previous iterations of my Big Scary Lists that I haven't finished continue to haunt me, because I am still so in love with every idea I've ever had, I just! need! to write them! /o\

So, yeah. I cannot guarantee I'll be prompt about these or get more than one or two of them done during 2022, but I want to, and I'm going to be making a real effort to rearrange my writing schedule and limit the other fandom commitments I take on so I can make at least a couple of these happen. (Obviously there will still be many shorter Bruce/Clark fics out of me along the way, not least because I do have gift works for people that I'm already determined to get done!) FINGERS CROSSED, wish me luck :D and thank you so much for asking!

[withoneheadlight]

I’m s o r r y but I made myself sad over this one so naturally I’m here to share the pain

Okay so I was thinking about the alternate timelines//realities thing and what if there’s a universe where Billy dies, and a universe where Steve dies,, and somehow they meet ~maybe in the Upside Down???~ and Steve is like 🥺 b i l l y,,, but Billy can’t deal with it??? Like, “you’re A Steve, but you’re not MY Steve”

| quick heads up!: mentions of death and mourning ahead |

.

Ahhhhhh, Kelly!. Bring the pain, bring the pain, we’ll deal with it together, cry together, blow our noses together! 😢😢

i’ve been having my mind full of that alt timelines/realities idea these last few days, and that’s surely the reason why that’s what I saw in your beautiful 3-sentence fic, both because a post i saw about one of the boys dying (i can’t find it now. please human who posted it, tell me if it was yours!) and bc of this marvel @edith-moonshadow (<3) wrote in one of my posts. and then you sent me this ask and wrote that fantastic piece and-- IT'S ALL BEEN VERY COSMIC AND PLANETARY ALINGTMENLY and i didn’t want to make myself sadder or make you sadder but,

,

I can imagine how it’d go. Both of them trapped on the upside-down. Both of them bleeding out. Sliced down as they are, right through the middle. Half a Billy and half a Steve, the wound still fresh with the part they’re missing and I imagine they could barely stand it, right at the beginning, the mere sight of that other that’s not― That’ just not. What was once love rotting into hate, into feeling trapped, doomed, to live in this cage with the constant reminder of their loss.

And Billy’d miss the way Steve used to roll his eyes at him, and the way Steve used to sigh all dramatic like ‘God, Billy Hargrove, you’re too much for me I swear’ but would then wink and pull him close and steal a kiss, voice falling low to smile a ‘Definitely way more than I deserve’ into his mouth. Would miss the way Steve used to brush his hair to the side, bite at the curve of his neck, and words, they always sounded better when Steve traced them against the shell of his ear ‘Tell me I’m your pretty boy’ he’d say and Billy would tell him, would try to catch his lips but ‘Ah-ah’ and Steve’d shake his head, brush their lips together ‘First babe, you gotta tell me how much I love you’, holding him tight and not letting him go ‘till Billy would get over the way his cheeks were blushing, and tell him. But―

This Steve. This Steve doesn’t love this Billy. Doesn’t love Billy. This Steve gets mad and yells at him when Billy’s been ‘Too fucking much, I swear! You’re too fucking much’ and it hurts, when he puts his hands on his hips and looks exactly like his Steve. And it hurts even worse, when he sets his jaw and looks wrong and like somebody else completely (And it hurts even worseworseworse, when he finally says it, what they both think. When he opens up those pretty lips Billy used to kiss, to love, those pretty lips that used to say ‘I love you’: “Of all the monsters in here, you’re the only one that gives me nightmares”).

This Steve never calls him by his name. This Steve doesn’t look him in the eye. This Steve hates him.

And weeks pass, and months pass, and they repel each other, can't stand each other but ―they can’t, either, even if none of them ever says it, bear the idea of splitting apart. And Steve’s house is not Steve’s house, but it makes do, with its walls re-painted in horrors and damp seeping through the floral wallpaper of the hallway his mama used to be so proud of. And there’s mold growing in the mattress and invisible night-terrors that bite living in the blankets and it gets cold at night. Cold and lonely and hopeless. And Steve doesn't want to and Billy doesn't want to but. They sleep together. Back to back. Touch only where they have to touch. Not to freeze (not to feel. Except they― ). Wake up together (like they used to). Steve's face buried in Billy's curls and the smell, the smell is the same. Exactly, perfectly, dishearteningly. The same. Right there, all along the tenderness at the curve of Billy’s (this. Not his. Thisthisthis. Never his) neck.

And weeks pass, and months pass, and it hurts. Every minute, every second and every tiny, tiny particle of time. Because this Billy is not Billy and Steve―

Steve’s missing a half. Steve’s an open wound and it doesn't matter how much alike they are, how much they feel (exactly, perfectly, dishearteningly) the same under Steve’s touch, because this Billy is another Steve's and he doesn't fit, and he wouldn’t ever heal, against his skin but― his blue eyes are the same and those curls of his look like they’ve forever captured the sun in the same way and his scars are gone but when the creatures hurt him and draw new ones Steve recognizes under his fingertips the familiar shapes of his back, the way Billy bleeds, the way his skin feels warmth against his palms and,

Billy.

Billy recognizes the way Steve touches him, the way he groans a "Be quiet for frikin’ once. And hold still!" but then, lower, softer, a whisper “Shhh. C’mon. Shhh. Just a second, alright? I promise I’ll be careful” and Billy does and bites down his tongue and the pain and the tears as Steve stitches the wound and Billy wants to ask him to sew his whole body, too, all along that wide wide line where it used to fit that half he’s missing, but what he says is "Would you kiss me once? Just once? So I can feel like I still have him?".

And it's the same. And it's different. And it's not Steve. But it is. Steve. And they kiss and Steve’s crying, because is thesamethesamethesame, the way Billy’s lashes are falling and Billy wants to say ‘I love you’, but he doesn't, and it becomes a lump in his throat as they kiss and kiss and kiss for hours, on that bed they’ve been sharing, that bed they’ve only been touching for survival, and when they're done, Billy wants to ask Steve to sew his lips together too. So he can’t ask him again. So he can not want to but― the nights are cold and lonely and hopeless. So they touch. And they kiss. And weeks pass. And they touch and they kiss and they fuck. And months pass. And they kiss and touch and fuck and fight. And they need each other. Want each other. Hate each other. Hate themselves. And then Steve says "I'll never love you. I'll never love you like I loved him" and Billy says "Neither I will”. And they’re both are bleeding. Been bleeding for so long. Bleeding out. And they won’t heal, a Billy-less and a Steve-less, as they are. So it spreads. The rot. And it's even worse like this, hating what there’s left of themselves. Because they don’t fit but it feels like they do, when they touch and they kiss and they fuck. When they fight.

(When it feels like love but― isn’t).

(Can’t be)

And weeks pass and months pass and neither of them says it (‘Wanna touch you again, kiss you again, fuck you again’), even though they're both thinking it and it’s been almost two and a half years. Five hundred days. Five hundred nights. Of hiding from each other, of finding each other in this endless night, when the dormant creatures start to crawl out of their nests, when the darkness is filled again with growls and howls and screeches. With danger. Vines coming back to life after their hundred years of sleep and then something’s coming something’s coming something’s coming and,

“Take all you can”

“Get the bat!”

“Run, Billy run!”

“Block the door! Block the door!”

“The head! Steve! Slam ‘m on the head!”

“Come on, come on, come on! Let’s get the shit outta here”

and then,

“The gate. Somebody must be opening the gate”

They find it.

Seven feet. That’s how far it is. That's how close they are from making it. And must be some kind of cosmic joke, so Billy laughs at it. Gives that one to the universe. Chokes on his own blood.

Steve’s blurred, less and less clear every time he blinks. Still the most beautiful thing Billy’s ever seen.

“C’mon, pretty boy” he says. Squeezes Steve's hand tighter. Just one second. It’s the end of the end of the world and Billy feels like he’s spent a whole lifetime like this. Stealing Steve Harrington in seconds. So he can steal one more. That’s always been the deal. Just a little more, a little more, since the moment he saw him “You know you hafta go”

Salt. Tears. That detail, Billy always forgets: they taste exactly like the ocean.

“Nah. I’m thinking that― they won't split us apart. Not this time”

Tears. Salt. The ocean on Steve’s lips. Taste like coming back. Coming Back home. But,

“It’s ok, pretty boy. I’m not him”

Steve shrugs. Smiles. Dots on the curve of his cheek. Eyes like the first day of fall. It’s in the curve of his lips, where Billy’s history has always been rewritten.

“But there was a me, that loved you. And there was a you, that loved me. And I guess it’s just impossible. Not to do it again so―” and words, they always sound better when Steve traces them against the shell of his ear, says,

“Can you kiss me? So I can know how it is to have you?”

And it’s the end of the end of the world.

(But,

Time Swirls. Space wraps around itself. Reality flickers. So maybe― maybe it really is. The end. But. Maybe,

There's a house. Steve’s house. And is not the same. But it’s not different, either. And there’s daylight pouring down the hallways, burning bright against that soft-gold wallpaper his mama’s always been so proud of. And the mattress is soft and warm and feels familiar. And the blankets smell like softener and old memories. Like new memories. Like us. Us.

“Tell me how much you love me”

Steve brushes Billy’s hair to the side, runs his lips all along the curve of his neck, leaves a kiss behind his ear. And it’s the same, but it’s different and Billy know it’s always, always gonna hurt. Because they’re still a Billy-less and a Steve-less but. They’re always gonna be a Billy one Steve loved, a Steve one Billy loved. They’re this Billy and this Steve.

But there’s this one thing, that’s always gonna be the same. This one thing neither of them would ever do in halves.

“I love you with all my heart,” he says, and draws Steve closer, closer, ‘till there’s barely any space left between them.

And they allow themselves to feel, where their wounds touch.

Allow themselves to love.)

[curly-bangtan]

Heatwave Anniversary Drabble: i miss u like ... a lot (M)

[Heatwave // Godless // Heatwave Drabbles] <- read first! but this drabble can be read alone

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Summary: One night until Taehyung is back from his boys’ trip but you miss him too much.

Genre: fluff, smut, kinda crack?, boyfriend/established relationship au

Warnings: unprotected sex (oc on contraception so don’t u do it), teasing over the phone, riding and grinding, just kinda vanilla i-missed-u-so-much sex, a particular selca

Word count: 5k

A/N: It was Heatwave’s one year anniversay on the 17th so I decided to write a quick(?) drabble for this. I fully intended on posting this on time, but wanted to change up some stuff so only managed to finish this now. Happy birthday to my first fic and forver my baby!

MOSTLY UNEDITED

.

The absolute one thing you hate most about your boyfriend being away from you is your boyfriend being away from you.

You have never been the clingy needy type, that is more his role in this relationship, nor are you really one to show affection. In fact, you would hate for that false image to be perceived of you because all that sappy shit makes you want to throw up your dinner. But one thing you’ve learnt since Taehyung had gone away on a week-long boys’ trip down by the coast is how cold the house feels in his absence, despite being in the middle of a sizzling summer.

Everything is so eerily quiet without his random outbursts into song and fits of laughter. Having spent 3 years living together, you have gotten so used to his constant presence that you had even caught yourself several times calling out for him only to remember that he isn’t here. Waking up without his arm draped around your waist, slided up your top at some point during the night, impacts you more than you’d like to admit.

Are you glad that he’s having a great time with his friends by the beach, relaxing all day and drinking all night? Of course. Are you having a great time all by yourself over here in the absence of your boyfriend? Certainly not.

Though, of course, this isn’t something you would confess to out loud, especially to him. He doesn’t need to know how often the thought: ugh fuck, I miss Tete is crossing your mind, lest you want him to rub his smugness in your face.

It isn’t just that. Your relationship hasn’t been without its tests in the course of its years and things have only finally stabilised. It’s not that you don’t trust Taehyung to be with his ladish friends for seven days, shirtless dusk till dawn, intoxicated to the point where he calls you thinking that you’re the pizza delivery guy but…

A hammered Taehyung at a beach full of girls who are no doubt thirsting over him leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You trust him to be loyal to his core, but you don’t trust anyone else to keep their hands from copping a feel. No matter how you look at it, you would just so much rather he be at home with you right now.

You have endured this for six days. Six full days without Taehyung. Six full days with no sex, no tummy kisses, no clammy hand holding even though you’re only to get groceries. Just one more night and this torture will fucking be over, praise the lord. But you also don’t know how much more you can hold back that I miss you text because you’re combusting from the need to see him again.

It’s almost 4am. Your sleep schedule is fucked and it’s really his fault.

The bright screen of your phone offers the only luminescence at this hour. Your messages from him in the past week have not been shy of your daily dose of Taehyung - clips of the beach (always mischievously caption with something along the lines of “thinking of Mykonos ;D” where you went on your first holiday together), selfies that you dwell way too long staring at because you miss that face buried in your neck, drunk videos of the antics him and the boys get up to that you’ll definitely chastise him for when he comes back yet can’t help but laugh at. You find yourself scrolling through them every single night.

Your personal favourite: a pouty selfie he sent you after he dropped his ice cream, the picture you always go back to and the one you’re staring at right now. His hair is frizzy from the sea, lips jutted out childishly and cheeks puffy. Your chest constricts, fuck...

Just one more night, you remind yourself. And then he’s back and all yours again.

Then suddenly, the phone in your hand vibrates, short and abrupt. The bar slides down from the top of your screen reading New Message from Tete. Surprised, you scramble to open it, maybe a bit too desperately for you to be proud of.

04:11

Tete: bby

You blink at those three letters, lips pressed together because your heart is cinching.

Tete: ur prob aslep rn but

Tete: i missu

Tete: <334

The typos indicate that he is wasted, and you take a guess that he has just returned from their last night out of the holiday. The corners of your lips turn up knowing that he is thinking of you right now.

You: no im awake

Your fingers are itching to reply with i miss u too, and it takes all your willpower and stubbornness to stay true to your steadfast self. There is just something so unpleasantly moist about these kinds of texts, something that makes you cringe and gag when you read them. You refuse to be one of those people. A heart is all that you allow yourself to reply.

You: <3

You: r u drunk?

Tete: drunk in love

Tete: yes

A giggle escapes you at his god awful cheesiness - drunk, sober alike. Insufferable. But probably Taehyung’s most endearing quality.

You: did u have fun!!

Tete: yeah

Tete: but i miss u

Tete: more than i had fun

God, you feel like a teenager again, suddenly overcome with this gushing urge to roll over and scream into your pillow. You’re glad he’s merely texting this to you right now because if he had said this to you face to face, your skin would most definitely stain scarlet from neck to hairline, scalding to the touch. Even months into officially being his girlfriend, these curveballs of overwhelming affection throw you off guard.

Again, the compulsion to tell him you miss him too yanks at your heartstrings. You truly don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to say how you feel, let yourself be soft and vulnerable. You know it’s one of your flaws so it’s something that you’re working on, but you can’t say you’ve made much progress.

But just as you decide that maybe you should take the plunge, suck it up and just text him those three words, he sends you a picture.

Tete:

No, not just a picture. A selfie, of him in bed, shirtless under the covers. “Oh, fuck…”

Hand clasped over your mouth to prevent any sound from involuntarily escaping, it takes a moment for your breath to return to you and for you to stop gawking. At this hour… Really? Is he seriously doing this to you right now?

His sleepy eyes. His messy curls. And his fucking nose mole.

The undoing of your existence.

Tete: this boy misses u :]

You: bruh

You: bruhhhhhhh

You: taehyung

Tete: oui my lady :))

You: 👁👄👁

You: can u not do this to my heart

You: y did u send me this </333

You: what was the reason

Tete: coz i miss u

Tete: do u like it

Tete: :D

‘Do u like it’... Actually, you have tears in your eyes, albeit mostly due to staring at a screen for too long so late at night, but it’s certainly contributed by this selfie. You tell yourself you’re acting out because it’s been six days since you last saw him. Perhaps Taehyung Withdrawal Symptoms is the explanation behind why you want to print and frame this picture because that is definitely not a normal reaction to a picture. But this is a masterpiece.

You: taehyung my soul left my body

You: like i could weep

You: u look so soft and fluffy

You: :’(

Tete: lollll

Tete: simp

This boy has some nerve?! Simp! He called you a simp?! Laughing like a maniac, you can’t even pretend to be mad at him, not after this picture he sent anyway. So you guess you are a simp. This selfie is your kryptonite.

Tete: jkjkkkkk

You: hahahaha

You: y r u doing this to me

You: its 4am

You: u can’t send me this rn

You: i won’t be able to sleep

Tete: o yeah how come ur still up?

Tete: go to sleepppp

You: can’t sleep

Tete: aw no whyyy

Because you miss him that’s why.

You miss Kim Taehyung. You miss Tete. You miss your boyfriend, your best friend, your other half. You miss his touch, his smile, his wide eyes when he’s confused. You miss his morning snuggles and late night kisses. You miss the way he hugs you from behind as you prepare your meals. You miss the wandering hands that he can’t help when you’re out in public. You miss playing PUBG together until the sun comes out then both sleeping past noon. You miss taking baths together where bubbles would get into your mouth as your kisses get heated.

You just miss him.

It’s only been six days and you’re in this state. What has he done to you?

Fingers hovering over the keyboard, you let out a great sigh and deflate. No other reason offers itself for you to be awake at this hour; he knows you cherish sleep above anything. Teeth digging into your lip, you inhale long and hard, then exhale the gust of your cowardice. It’s not that deep, stupid. Fuck it.

You: coz

You: i miss u

You: like … a lot

You: 🙄

It’s final - you guess you’ve become a mushy wet sap. Truly it is embarrassing how big of a step this is for you; but the sense of pride and accomplishment feels oddly validating. Baby steps. The eye-rolling emoji right after is subconscious because you could only betray the core of your character that much. Forgo it and taehyung might not believe that it’s you.

Tete: omg

Tete: :D

Tete: rrly?

You: *blank kissy emoji*

Tete: wow

Tete: u actually don’t know how hard i’m smiling rn

You: simp

Tete: ofc that’s my middle name

Tete: i miss u a lot too

Tete: like a lotttttt

Tete: i’ll show u how much when i’m back

Ah… Of course, the Taehyung specialty - smothering you with his affection. You freeze at the thought of his wildfire kisses and head between your thighs. Nothing screams of how much you’ve missed each other more than a good dicking down, climax after climax until you’re both panting messes of sweat and entangled limbs. The anticipation makes you squirm under the sheets, legs pressing together.

You: pls do

You: i need u

It’s uncertain what spirit has possessed you at this ungodly hour for these words to come out of you. There’s an instant flash of ickiness, but you let the self-cringing simmer and dissipate into the realisation that this is okay, this is normal. Taehyung’s your boyfriend, couples text like this. You need to grow some.

Tete: fuck baby

Tete: i’m so not used to u texting like this, it's driving me crazy

You: crazy how *cat smirk*

If you weren’t smiling before, you’re definitely grinning like an idiot now. His reaction is predictable, yet oddly still, an incredible wave of satisfaction hits you. And because you want to savour this moment, maybe give him a taste of his own medicine, you send him a picture of yourself.

Camisole strap slid off your shoulder, hair splayed out, bottom lip deep red from biting down on it too much. Just to return the favour.

Tete: y/n

Tete: call me now

-Incoming call from Tete-

Laughing to yourself, you wait a good few seconds before picking up to prolong his torture. “Yes, Taehyung?” You put your thumb between your teeth to suppress the laughter.

“Fuck.” Against the silence of the night, the low rasp of his voice permeating into you from the speaker of your phone sends tingles up your toes. You’ve fucking missed his voice more than you thought. “Y/N… You can’t do this to me.”

“I told you, I miss you. Like… a lot.” The saccharine tone in your reply is foreign to your own ears, but you like the sound of it and the deep rumble it elicits from your boyfriend.

“How much?” Taehyung eggs you on. His words are barely slurred, so you gather that he has sobered up at least for the most part by now. Yet there is still a slowness to it that suggests

“Hmm, like… I touched myself every night at the thought of you a lot.”

A sharp inhale. Then silence. But you know better so you give him a moment to gather himself.

“You shouldn’t be putting that image in my head.” Exasperation is evident in his voice, desperate and yearning. You can imagine him now, one hand on his phone, the other sliding over his pants that are getting a bit too tight for comfort. Your breath hitches.

“Then you shouldn’t have sent me that picture, Taehyung…”

“You said it was soft and fluffy. What you sent me back was not soft and fluffy.”

“Just because it’s soft doesn’t mean it doesn’t turn me on. You do things to me… okay?” Heat trapped beneath the skin of your cheeks, your grip on the phone against your ear slackening as your thighs rub together.

“Fuck, I’m getting hard, baby…” Nothing gets him going more than the knowledge that he turns you on, it’s his weakness but somewhat his strength.

“That’s… unfortunate. Are you going to do something about it?”

His gulp is audible even over the phone. “Uh…” A sigh. “Um. Maybe. Thoughts are being thought.”

“What kind of thoughts? Thoughts about me touching myself and moaning your name? Thoughts about how much I wish my fingers were your cock thrusting so deep into me that I feel it in my guts? Or are you thinking about what you’ll do to me when you’re back tomorrow? Fucking my mouth until I’m crying or filling me up with your cum first?” Your hips buckle at the filth leaving your mouth. This is more like you; you haven’t abandoned your nature after all.

“Oh, fuckkkk.” His moan resonates into your skull, not quite as if he’s here with you but good enough to fill your desire. “Y/N… I need you so badly.” Breath ragged, you hear movement of his sheets in the background as he adjusts into a more comfortable position.

“Are you stroking your cock right now?” A warm slick oozes out of your own entrance. There’s something about Taehyung masturbating to you that elevates you to a different kind of high.

“What do you think, baby?” As you listen closely, you hear the slow rhythm of his pumping, and your fingers ache to pleasure yourself. ‘The things I’ll fucking do to you when I’m back.”

“Mmm, but it’s late, Taehyung, why don’t we go to sleep.”

“Wait, what?” The stroking stops instantly and surprise in his voice releases a smug satisfaction into your veins. The equivalent of pouring a bucket of ice water over his head right now. Teasing is an old undying habit, what can you say? “You wanna end the call now?”

“Yeah, we should sleep, babe.” Grin unsuppressed, you turn over onto your side, probably a bit too pleased with yourself at your success. Taehyung is an easy victim always.

“What the fuckkk?” Your boyfriend groans. “You’re seriously going to tease me this hard then leave me high and dry?” When you offer no more response than a sly chuckle, he add, “You’re so evil.”

“Save it for tomorrow, Taehyung. Think about it, we’re one sleep away from seeing each other again.”

“Fuck, I know. But you just got me so fucking horny, bruhhh. I thought we were gonna have phone sex.” You are still laughing at his whining, basking in the victory you’re holding over him.

“Taehyung, save it for the real sex.” The idea of phone sex crossed your mind several times to be honest, but you really want to collect every single drop of desire and longing and unleash it tomorrow. Raw and pent up. Nothing to dampen the fire.

A sigh of defeat down the line. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know?” You know. “How am I supposed to sleep now though? I’m so rock hard that it hurts.”

“You can figure that out yourself, big guy.” Your cheeks ache from smiling for too long; they often do during calls with him. “One sleep away, okay?”

“Ugh, fine, you demon. I can’t believe you sometimes.” He lets out another sigh. Your heart skips at the anticipation of how he will punish you for this. “Good night, I miss you.”

“Good night, I miss you more.” There’s a sudden change of tone with these words. Because you truly mean it. Sex and physical intimacy aside, you really just missed his voice, his banter.

You fall asleep almost immediately.

.

You don’t think you’ve heard a sweeter sound than the keys rattling at the door the next day. Practically leaping off the couch where you had been awaiting him in your Taeyhyung-less boredom, you run to the door.

As it swings open, heat courses to your chest when your eyes land on his, so full of comfort. Your boyfriend is home. Handsome as ever, much more tanned than your memory of him and much more attractive. White t-shirt and loose black shorts, a mundane outfit that only he could make look exceptional.

And as much as you want to sprint up and throw yourself onto him, your feet stay planted on the floor.

“Hey.” You barely breathe out.

Stay calm and composed, you tell yourself. It was only one week without him, it’s not like he’s returning from war.

But Taehyung doesn’t even reply, because in two long strides he is standing before you, bags tossed to the side, a sign of their insignificance in the presence of you. His arms find their home circled around you, face buried in your hair before you can utter another word. You don’t hesitate to return his embrace, holding his waist as you let yourself fall into his chest. He smells like what summer should, the ocean, sweat and young love; his familiar musk greeting you as if he never left.

Your lips meet his, strong and full of intent. He’s so unexpectedly soft when he kisses back, a timeless romantic dance like he is saviour your taste on his tongue.

With your weight leaning on him, he slowly topples back, stepping hastily until your bodies land on the couch. You fit your legs on either side of him as you burrow your nose in his neck and breathe him in, memorise him. In nothing but a large shirt, your bare thighs are exposed for his roaming.

When you pull away and face each other, you are struck by his beauty. His skin is sun-kissed and glowing, hair an effortlessly beautiful mess, the slightest hint of a stubble peeking through below his nose. Your heart belongs to him forever, you know it without a doubt.

“You smell so good. I missed you so much, baby.” And his voice… That deep baritone honey that you have taken for granted all this time - music to your ears.

“Imissedyoutoo…” You mumble, shy under his undivided attention and mercilessly unbroken eye contact.

With your chests pressed together, his chuckle rumbles into you. “What was that?”

“I missed you too… I guess.” Face flaming, you can’t bring yourself to meet his eye at your admittance, fingers twirling around his curls to preoccupy yourself.

But he cups your chin and turns your face to him, forehead pressing up to yours until your noses are touching, breaths mixing. “That’s not what you said last night.” Taehyung smirks, hands sliding down to your waist, the material of your shirt bunching up in his hands. “Do I need to remind you?”

“No…” You find yourself unable to keep your eyes open, your core pulsing mercilessly as you grind onto him. “How are you already hard, Taehyung…” And though you mean to scold him, it comes out breathless.

Lips hovering, he traces the edge of your jaw, tingling the sensitive little hairs on its way to your ear. When he reaches the shell of your ear, warm breath infiltrating so relentlessly into you, you almost lose yourself right there on his lap. “Don’t you know how much I love you?” He whispers.

“Show me.” Is all you make out.

His hands are already beneath your shirt before you even notice, palms kneading into your breasts as he takes your nipples between his two fingers and rolls. As he kisses you again, the same tenderness exchanges between your lips. It’s a different kind of desperation to be so slow and gentle, one that means so much more than sex, one that’s telling of how much you truly missed each other. Your hips roll with a mind of their own over him. One hand of his comes down to your ass, guiding the waves of your rocking. And each time his stiff clothed member digs into your clit, you whimper into his mouth.

Carefully, Taehyung rolls you over onto your back, sucking your bottom lip to keep the seal from breaking. He pulls away when he’s on top of you, and a string of glistening saliva bridges between your mouths. “Foreplay or no? Tell me what you want?” Compliant as ever.

“I need you to fill me up right now. Anything else can wait.” You watch the devotion ignite in his eyes. His fingers are in a hurry as they pull your panties off, knees spreading your legs open as he kneels between your gaping entrance. He tugs his shirt off from the collar, such smoothness in his action that your insides coil up. His newly-bronzed rich skin revealed, you can’t help but reach up and run your hands down from chest to navel, revelling in his blemishless ridges.

A low sound reverberates from the back of Taehyung’s throat as your touch travels down to unbutton his shorts. They fall loose. His hard throbbing members springs free, a glistening bead oozing from his slit. “You didn’t wear boxers?”

When you glance up, you notice his sheepish grin. He presses his mouth onto yours, still smiling, guiding you back onto your back. “I just couldn’t wait.” Taehyung whispers. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, especially since last night… Ah, fuck.” Another deep groan erupts from him as you reach down and slather that bead of precum all over his tip. His head falls onto your neck, writhing under your merciless stroking.

His tip brushing against your clit, your toes curls at the teasing of your weakness, hips jolting up involuntarily and perhaps a bit too violently. You’re so embarrassingly sensitive after this many days without Taehyung, and he notices from your breathless reaction. Smirking, he takes his shaft in his hand and runs his stiff head over your clit mercilessly. And as you roll your head back helplessly, he nibbles onto your exposed neck, faint stubble grazing your skin.

“Quit the teasing…” You whine, unable to withstand the build up of twisting pressure begging to be fulfilled between your legs. “Just put-”

Taehyung pushes himself into you so abruptly that you yelp. And there it is, that mind-melting stretch of your walls that you’ve so much missed. “Fuck, Taehyung…” Your entire core feels ablaze, so numbing that your nails dig into the leather of the couch before they find grip on his arms.

“Like that, baby?” His voice his strained, as if he’s struggling not to lose his mind as well.

Nodding because you can’t make out a word as he slowly pulls out, you grab his face and pull him up to meet your lips. You whimper into him mouth when he rams into you again, hitting your walls in full force, no mercy. His kiss doesn’t lose its sincerity despite the juxtaposition of his vigorous thrusts, though you can’t say that he is quite as gentle with as before. You pinch his bottom lip between your teeth, sucking on it as your fingers get lost in his hair.

After seven days of deprevation of his cock, your cunt is leaking with the fluid of your arousal, aiding in the ease of each plunge. You feel the stiffness of his ridges pulling you open as he slides in and out of you. “Fuck…” He pants, mouth hovering over yours.

“Let me get on top.” Taehyung’s eyes flash at your suggestion, instantly rolling onto his back. He slips out during the switch of position and the wetness of your cunt is assailed by a sudden rush of cool air.

You swing your leg over and mount him, watching him watch you pump his dick, your own liquid slathered over him sticky in your hand. Letting his member fall against his abdomen, you grind over him between your folds, hands splayed out over his chest. The friction created each time your clit would slide over the thin pinch of skin where his tip unfolded into his shaft has Taehyung a groaning mess.

He looks remarkable under you.

You push his sweat-dampened curls out of his forehead, eyes half closed in euphoria, half watching you roll your cunt so lewdly over his length. You know you could make him cum like this if you continue. But you want him to cum inside you first, you want to feel that thick hot spurt of his desire shoot again and again into you until his cock is twitching.

So slowly, lubricated by your wetness, you sink inch by inch down until the skin of your ass meets his thighs. This angle fuck with your mind; you think you feel him at your cervix. Then your hips start to do what they know best, pounding over him with a rhythm that you’re proud of.

Taehyung grabs hold of your waist, your breasts, fury in his eyes as he watches you ride him with such determination. “I love you so much.” He heaves between heavy breaths.

“I love you, I missed you more than you could imagine.” You huff, thumb running over his red swollen lips.

“I love when you admit it.” He sits up and takes the swell of your breast in his mouth, making his way to your nipples where his tongue relentlessly flickers over.

Your thighs are starting to burn, core aching because his cock is thrusting up into you so deep that you feel it in your guts. The signs are appearing - your vision is going hazy, walls squeezing tightly around him, tangle upon tangles knoting in your stomach. His are too - his head is slumped against your chest, arms crossed behind your back as he holds you close to him, whole body starting to tense as he begins to curse.

Pace quickening, you don’t let the tire of your muscles stop you from your chase. The slap of your skins ringing in your ears, you keep riding, cunt swallowing his cock whole each bounce. Taehyung breaks first. “Fuck!” He calls out into your neck. His cum squirts into you, pulse after pulse, your boyfriend’s hips jolting each thrust.

“I’m so close, babe, keep going for me.” You plead, knowing how sensitive he is right after his climax. He nods wordlessly, face still buried in you hair. The lubrication of his cum abolishes any resistance, letting you slide over him easier than sitting down. And not five thrusts later, your own coil snaps. You through your head back at the wave of pleasure that drowns you, your entire core on fire as your moans echo through the room. It takes maybe twenty seconds for your walls to stop throbbing and for the orgasm to slowly die down.

Taehyung is already growing limp inside you after his orgasm. “Thank you.” You whisper against his forehead while you dismount. His cum flows out of your slit and down the insides of your thighs, but he refuses to let go of you.

When he looks up, you are struck by an overwhelming sensationf of adoration. His long dark curls fall slightly over his eyes, in disarray but just the way you like it. His eyes are so full of genuine love and gratitude of having you that you can’t help but capture him with your lips. “No, thank you.” He mumbles against you, falling back onto the couch with you in his embrace.

After a long kiss of after-sex affection, you pull away before it leads to a second round. “I want you to know that I really missed you a lot. I can’t even call you a big baby anymore because I stared at all the pictures you sent me every night till the sun came out.”

Taehyung’s boyish smile melts your heart. You’ve missed him way too much. His smile, his goofy comments, his tender kisses. “My heart… is squeezing…” If his smile doesn’t tell how smitten he is, his eyes definitely do. “I missed you so much too. All the boys made fun of me for being such a wettie ‘coz I couldn’t shut up about you.” The thought is so endearing that you can’t help but hide your face.

“So how was your trip? Plenty of hot girls drooling after you?” Trick question of course, you know that for a fact already.

“Haha, it was good, fun. Bet you couldn’t sleep ‘coz you were trembling from jealousy.” Scoffing you land a smack on his chest. “But nah, no hot girls. Nowadays there’s only one hot girl in my eyes.”

Your own lips spread like a cheshire cat. “Shut up, cutie.”

“Rachel McAdams.”

“Let go of me. Don’t even touch me.”

.

A/N: Moral of the story, never sit on their couch if you’re a guest at the Heatwave house.

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24/08/20

© Copyright 2020

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@taexxxiiaa​ @shookpreme​ @taetaeobsessed @tangledsparkles @nonexistentfucks @evilkookie @nbiased95 @shimtatae @taehyungmakesmeoof @itscalledgayhoney @tahaing @yes-another-wannabe-hipster-blog @deliciouslydisturbed365 @getmemyfries @expensive-bangtan-girl @jwlmnbt @herakimkim @dnyad @kaepjjang365 @angelswrld @expensive-bangtan-girl @icyi-sky @gingerpeachtae @spring2787 @monixreal @askingtheimportantthingshere @casualminiaturetimemachine @xblackclover13x @vasysauce @deadinsidebitch2412 @emiyooa @i-dont-even-know-fck @chimycthulhu @gixanjos @hisunshiine @xtaeyi @softjellyjimin @bluemooncnblue @malfeitofeitto @bangtanfancamp @keopitae @out-of-jams @camilaxpolanco @d-noona @haechanspudu @dawnispeace @vante-visuals @liquanzhe222 @bangtanloverrrrr  @bs14401 @seokjoontae  @comingjimin @jeonsshadow @honeyspillings @taeshotteok @embrace-themagic @wataemelonz @ftvante @kth-jae @sintatae @lunarnovaa @reputae @imajinative @haosmull8 @sssaltyasian @brilliantlybasicb @devilsadvocater @ladyartemesia @btsglitter @besosalvolar @jayparkjustchokeme @johnnyseotolemyheart @bubblegumyuss @octo-donut @ftvante @gia-the-mermaid @miss-peys @fantasticallyabnormal @purplestar00paintblotch @taetaeismybaebae @jooachu @bringitseijoh @bboyseventeenn @lpayne612 @misohime @petuliii @slutdropjin @kyelamarie​

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[ollie-ollie-oxenfreee]

then came the morning (aka: the post - canon cuddle fic)

The work in progress is finally done! I’ve been chipping away at it for the past couple weeks now, and it’s gone through many drafts / iterations, but I think I’m finally happy with it. :)

Title from an album by the Lone Bellow. 

The first time the two of them “shared a bed” was about as awkward as one might imagine. The initiating circumstances were hardly any better.

 The heating apparatus in their quarters had given out a week or so back in a spectacular fit of dust - laden wheezing. The engineering crew called in to inspect it informed them that it couldn’t be fixed until they could pick up the right parts at the nearest trading post (which was naturally thousands of klicks away on the ragged edge of nowhere). With the ambient heat from the nearby engine room seeping through the wall, the conditions were deemed “unpleasant but survivable.” They were issued two extra threadbare blankets and told in tersely formal military - speak to deal with it. 

 And they’d dealt with it really well for a while! They grit their teeth and carried on like a couple of champs: Harrow, having been thoroughly warned against using her magic too frequently, layering on spare cloaks and sweaters until she almost disappeared under a mountain of black fabric; Gideon curling up close to the engine room wall and wincing when the cold sent spiteful twinges shooting through her still-very-busted knee. 

 But then one night their grand flagship of the revolution chugged through a particularly empty sprawl of space and began to slow down. The heat from the engine room guttered like a candle flame. Frost spiderwebbed across the thin plex of their window. Harrow’s breath showed in thin wisps of vapor as she huffed, glaring down at the pages of her book like she wanted to reprimand the cold for daring to interrupt her studies. 

 Gideon had half a mind to encourage her to try (that glare could stop a full - fledged Lyctor in their tracks, who knew what other horrifying powers it possessed?), but thought better of it when she saw the genuine exhaustion in the other girl’s eyes.

 “You doing alright over there, my vulturine vicar?” she asked. “I know it takes some time to absorb all that good bone knowledge, but you haven’t turned a page in like half an hour.”

 The thunderous look on Harrow’s face darkened further as she set her book aside with an exasperated thump. “This is ridiculous. I studied in the depths of Drearburh for years without any issue, and yet here I am struggling to focus like a novice. It isn’t even that cold.” She bit her lip as a shiver ran through her at the words. 

 “Evidence seems to suggest otherwise, o mistress of melancholy. Do you want me to go ask that guy in the supply room for another blanket? He still owes me for his son’s fencing lesson.”

 Supply room guy didn’t really owe her anything, but she knew that mentioning it would make Harrow feel better. If she could believe that the nice things Gideon did for her were actually for Totally Self - Serving, Debt - Settling reasons, she could accept them without feeling guilty.

 (Guilt had haunted Harrow more than ever upon returning to her own body, making it hard to breathe on good days and leaving her shaking with sobs on bad ones. 

It was one of those fun little things they had in common.)

 From the way Harrow’s shoulders stiffened, though, it seemed that Gideon Nav’s patented Guilt Workaround wasn’t going to be as effective as usual. She shook her head - a stiff little gesture that made her earrings rattle - then sighed. 

 “No. Thank you, though, it’s kind of you to offer.” 

 The thank you was sincere, and that was admittedly pretty nice, but all the sincerity in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Harrow was still  very obviously shivering. She looked miserable beneath her usual mask of face paint and stoicism. The dark red bead of blood-sweat trailing down her temple indicated that she'd probably tried using some kind of homeostasis theorem, but it wasn't working well enough. 

 There had to be a solution to this problem somewhere. Harrow's stubborn pride meant that she wouldn't accept help outright - she would sooner set her books on fire than admit what she thought of as a weakness - but if Gideon could play it just right, maybe she wouldn't have to. It would need to be done carefully - too sappy and she'd be uncomfortable, too straightforward and she'd balk.  Casual, Gideon decided. Nice and casual was the way to go. It would just be a matter of execution.

 "Soooo," she said at length, leaning back against the wall all cool and easy. (She folded her arms up behind her head as an afterthought, appreciating the way it made her still-atrophied-but-getting-there muscles stand out through the thin fabric of her shirt. Confidence boosts were going to be scarce and sorely needed in the conversation to come - she’d take them where she could get them.)

 Naturally, Harrow did not appreciate the change in tack or the cool-and-easy-ness. She did, however, manage to muster up a look so steeped in wary disapproval that it cut through her earlier frustration like a hot knife through bone marrow. “So.”

 “You sure about that blanket? Because really, it would only take me a second -”

 “I’m sure. Thank you.”

 “Then, um, did you want to borrow mine?”

 Harrow blinked. “You need yours.”

 “Yeah, I know! I meant that we could maybe - share. Pool our resources.” She patted the edge of her bunk gamely, then instantly regretted it when Harrow’s eyes narrowed even further. 

 “You want us to sleep together?”

 "No? I mean, technically, but no. In the literal way. Not the other way.” Well maybe the other way sometime if you wanted to but that’s a whole other weird conversation that we probably shouldn't touch with a ten foot pole or we might explode. 

 "How exactly would that work?" The caution was still heavy in Harrow's voice, but some of the disapproval had ebbed away. 

 "I mean. We'd probably need to use my bed, since my sheets aren't covered in gross bone gobbets, but you could bring your blankets over and layer 'em over mine and then we'd have twice the blankets! And, you know, body heat. Which has its perks." Even Gideon's cool-and- easy-ness faltered at that, but she bravely soldiered on. "The point is, we'd both be warm."

 "And it won't - make things weird?" 

 "Nope! Not weird. All perfectly chill, my shivering scion."

 Harrow paused for a moment, worrying her lip between her teeth. "I'll get ready for bed," she said at last, clipped and decisive. "And I'll think about it."

 "Take your time. I'll be here."

 Moments later, after the shivering scion had swept grandly out of the room, Gideon's Thinking Brain crashed unceremoniously into her Talking Brain. Things were not, in fact, going to be perfectly chill. There were going to be some logistical problems with this arrangement. Big logistical problems.

 Big logistical problems namely revolving around the mutually exclusive facts that the midnight monarch was not especially comfortable with touch, and Gideon Nav, space - bee slayer and resurrected badass, was a sleep cuddler.

 Or, well, she was in theory. She didn’t have much (any) “real world” experience to go on, but she’d woken up many, many times back on the Ninth with a bundle of blankets wrapped up in her arms or nestled close to her chest. The habit had never really embarrassed her back then - she actually kind of liked it. She felt warmer and less lonely when she had something to hold, even in the frigid emptiness of her cell. 

 But that was back then. Things were different in the here - and - now. Harrow was in the here - and - now, and Gideon would never forgive herself if she ruined things with Harrow right when their relationship was on the upswing. They were actually talking, slowly figuring out how to work together again. The furious, tearful intensity between them in the wake of their reunion had calmed and warmed into something almost like real friendship. 

 After all that had happened - everything that had gone wrong over the past year and a half - they’d found a fragile sort of peace. There was no way in Hell she was going to ruin that peace now.

 So while Harrow swished about getting ready for bed, Gideon leveled with herself and laid down some ground rules. Don’t make this weird, Nav. Make sure she’s comfortable, give her her space, and don’t think about cuddling with her. 

 ...even though it would probably be warmer, and she has shitty necro circulation and essentially no body mass so she needs all the warmth she can get, and she gets that kinda soft peaceful look on her face when - no, fuck, see? You’re doing it already. Even if she did like you like that, which she absolutely doesn’t because she’s got a good old-fashioned frostbite girl back home, that’s not what you’re here for. You’re her cav. Her sworn sword. You’re here to do your job and make sure she doesn’t get her thumbs bitten off again. That’s it.

 “You’re staring.”

 Harrow’s voice cut sharp as a bone shard through Gideon’s nervous thought - spiral. Having apparently completed her grim evening rituals, she’d settled lightly on the far edge of the to - be - shared bed, countless dark layers poofing out around her like the feathers of a posturing crow. Her face was flecked with dots of gray from scrubbing off her paint, and her short hair stuck up in messy licks of black fluff despite her increasingly irritated attempts to smooth it flat. 

 It shouldn’t have been endearing. It really, really shouldn’t have. 

 It was.

 Gideon was so screwed.

 “Shit,” she muttered, scrubbing a hand over her face to ground herself. She glanced over to meet Harrow’s eyes (and wow, was that a mistake, they were as mesmerizing a swirl of black and gold as ever), then forced a smile like she wasn’t screaming internally. “Sorry. Zoned out a little. You good to go?”

 The wryly exasperated glint in Harrow’s eyes made them glow even brighter in the dim light. “Yes, I’m ‘good to go,’ thank you. Are you, though? You look … troubled.” 

 Shit. Shit. Shit. Think nice, normal thoughts. Don’t let her know. She cannot know. 

 “I’m always good, my chthonic countess,” she lied, smooth as could be, throwing in a roguish wink for good measure. That was distractingly stupid enough, it was bound to work.  

 Harrow frowned. “Why are you blinking like that?”

 The roguish wink apparently had not worked. 

 “No reason! Just dust. In my eye. Lots of very rude dust landing right in my eye. Anyway. How are we doing this?”

 A flicker of genuine, anxious concern ghosted over Harrow’s face as her frown deepened. 

 “Gideon,” she began, in that slow, reluctant way of hers that heralded Incoming Indignity. “I know that you were the one to suggest this, but I want to impress upon you that if you aren’t - certain about it, there is another possible solution.”

 She cast around the room for a moment and reached for a massive, dusty tome at the top of a nearby stack, flipping determinedly through the pages. “I've had the idea for some time, but I only just managed to convince our commanding officer that I could use theorems 'responsibly' without their constant supervision, so I haven't been able to test it until now. Small - scale thanergetic fission reactions produce sparks of flame that, if handled extremely carefully, could give off enough heat - "

 “Wait.” Gideon held up a hand, her own anxious brain jolting back online at the word flame. “Wait, wait, wait. Harrow. Seriously? The concern is sweet, don’t get me wrong, but your other solution is death - fire?”

 “I said that it was a possibility,” she snapped back, that old brittle defensiveness calcifying over the vulnerability in her voice. Her posture straightened with a great rustling of robes: shoulders back, chin high, eyes gleaming with disdainful pride as the bones scattered about their room twitched to life. Looking for all the world like she had when they were ten - twelve - fourteen - sixteen, bitter and vicious and spoiling for a fight. 

 She seemed to realize it right when Gideon did. Her eyes widened, then closed. The bowstring tension in her shoulders slowly ebbed away as her half - formed constructs clattered to the floor. “Sorry,” she said at last, her voice a threadbare murmur. “I’m sorry. That was - uncalled for.”

 “It’s a reflex. I get it.” And she did - she’d done the same thing countless times, had a hand on her sword and a barbed insult on her tongue without even thinking about it. 

 Another one of those fucked up things they had in common. 

 An uneasy silence settled between them, broken only by the rumbling hum of the engines, the thud of footsteps in the hall. 

 “I meant it, you know,” Harrow said, after a long moment. “About other options. It was a half - baked and immature attempt, but I wanted to give you an out if you were uncomfortable.”

 “Yeah, I know, my sepulchral sage. I appreciate it. Half - baked immaturity and all.” She bumped her shoulder gently against Harrow’s, then flopped back on the bunk to stare up at the low ceiling. “Are we, like, committing to honesty hour tonight? How deep into feelings do you want to get?”

 “As deep as is comfortable.”

 “That’s what she said.”

 “It’s a reasonable thing for her to say.”

 Another hush fell over them, marginally more comfortable than the last, as Gideon worried her lip between her teeth and counted the cracks in the ceiling above her. There were nine of them in total. Go fucking figure.

 A bony finger poked her in the side after a few cycles of counting. “Were you going to elaborate, or was that all just a set - up for one of your charming jokes?”

 “I can’t believe it took you eighteen years to finally admit that they’re charming, but no, that’s not why I said it. I’ll lay bare my tender squishy heart for you, penumbral lady. Because you asked so nicely.” 

  Because I think you might already have it. 

 No avoiding it now. Might as well bite the bullet and dive in. 

 “I was on board with the cuddle thing from the beginning, but I felt like you wouldn’t be, and I panicked. You probably already knew that because you’re way more creepily observant than you have any right to be, but there it is. Out in the open.” 

 She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could just run away and hide from the other girl’s piercing gaze. “I just don’t want to fuck things up with you, Harrow. I feel like we’ve got a kind of good thing going now. You haven’t called me a useless halfwit in forever, and I haven’t called you a heinous bitch in forever, and I haven’t wanted to. That’s unheard of for us. I don’t want it to go away.”

 Her voice cracked, and the most damning words burst forth like flowers through concrete: “I don’t want to give you a reason to shut me out again.”

 The memories of those nine months flashed in fragmented mosaic through her mind - the slick stone walls of the well, the freezing churn of the water, the burn in her muscles as she desperately thrashed up toward the surface and reached for someone who didn’t even know she was there. The gut - wrenching loneliness that defined her entire fucking life coalescing in that pit of brackish darkness. The chant rattling on loop in her mind as the water pulled her under: Harrow, what happened, what did you do, why the fuck did you leave me here, I had a purpose, I threw myself on that goddamned rail for a reason, was that not enough for you? 

 Was I not enough for you?

 A cool, fine - boned hand laced with hers and squeezed, just once. The memories blurred. 

 “Gideon,” the voice that had haunted her all that time said. “You know - you have to know that isn’t why I did it.”

 “Why did you, then?”

 A tiny hitch of breath. A soft, almost incredulous laugh. Then:

 “Because I loved you.”

 The words hung heavy in the frozen air. 

 “You - what?”

 “I loved you.” She said it so simply. Like it was something she’d come to terms with long ago. “I loved you beyond reason, and for once in my life I wanted to do right by you and keep you safe as you did me. The motivation doesn’t justify a moment of it, I won’t pretend it does, and I can’t even begin to erase the hurt it caused you. But I need you to understand that it was never because of something you did wrong. You are good, darling. Good to the core. You always have been.”

 Bright spots bloomed before Gideon’s eyes as her reeling mind fought to catch up. Three thoughts sprang unbidden to the forefront:

 Mmf.

 And: Darling?

 And:

“Loved. You said ‘loved.’ Why the past tense?”

 She sat there, staring blankly up at the ceiling, half - expecting a don’t be presumptuous, Griddle or something even remotely normal, at least. What she got instead was another laugh, halting and shaky and suddenly deeply bitter. The hand in hers went rigid and drew away. 

 “I came to my senses. I remembered the countless awful things I’ve done. Saw myself for the leech that I am. I’ve taken and taken and taken from you, over and over again, torn away at your life like a scavenger, I can’t steal anything more  - “

 “Who said anything about stealing?”

 For the first time since the grand awkward commencement of honesty hour Gideon felt a genuine smile bloom across her face. “Come on, Nonagesimus, give me some credit. You honestly think I would have stuck around this long if I didn’t know what I was giving you? If I wasn’t getting something out of it too?”

 “What could you possibly be getting out of it?”

 “You. I like you. Like, a lot. More than I ever thought I would. And I know the brain weasels are going to start yammering about how that’s impossible, and you don't deserve it, and we've still got a mountain of baggage left to work through, but I’ve thought about it a lot and I really mean it. Having you with me has made this whole shitty thing infinitely less shitty."

 With a surge of sudden bravery and dizzy emotion, she reached out to take Harrow's hand again and, giving her ample time to pull away, pressed a feather - light kiss to the back. “If you want me here too, sunshine - as your cav or your friend or something else - then I'm not going anywhere."

 Harrow closed her eyes, took a deep shuddering breath, and - smiled. A real one, slow and hesitantly sweet, lighting up her careworn face. "I need to think about it - we both should think about it. But I do want you here, in whatever way you want to be."

 "Yeah? Cool."

 "Cool."

 Silence settled upon them for the third time that night, but this time it was different. It was soft and tentative, fragile and new, like budding grave - flowers reaching for the sun. First flowers, the both of them, clawing up out of the grit and finding a way to bloom.

 "Should we go to sleep now?" Harrow asked at last, her rasping voice low and quiet. "It's getting late."

 "We probably should. Cam and Pal are gonna kill us if we're not up by 6:00 tomorrow. Are you still up for this, though? Like, the whole 'two girls, chilling in a military bunk, zero feet apart 'cause they're freezing and also maybe like each other' thing?"

 "Yes. On one condition."

 "Anything."

 "This might be difficult for you."

 "Seriously, Harrow, just tell me. Name it and it's done."

 "No sex jokes."

 She heaved a sigh, mock - exasperated and so stupidly fond. "As you wish, my dearest darling death omen. As you wish."

 It took a while to get comfortable - with Harrow's knobby elbows jabbing Gideon in the stomach, Gideon's clunky knee brace getting tangled in the sheets, the blankets collectively giving up and puddling on the floor at least ten times - but eventually, like everything else, they made it work. They fumbled through the sleep - cuddling confession with an admirable lack of panic on both sides, culminating in a firm agreement that they would let each other know the moment they were at all uncomfortable and an "I trust you" from Harrow so pure in its sincerity that it would be ringing through Gideon's mind for at least a myriad.

 Harrow was the first to fall asleep, curled up tight in a cocoon of black fabric, the dark crown of her head just barely brushing the sunburst scar on Gideon's chest. Her shallow breaths fell into an even, steady rhythm, interspersed with whistling snores that Gideon was definitely going to tease her about when her heart was less of a melted puddle of goo. 

 The minutes slipped by warm and slow as drops of honey as her own eyes grew heavier, fluttering closed. She gave her necromancer - her Lyctor - her beautiful baneful bone empress one last sleepy smile, and drifted off.

 (When Camilla went to shake her sparring partner awake the next morning, she found the two of them still sound asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms and looking more peaceful than she'd ever seen them. She huffed a laugh, muttered "finally," and let them be.)

[falsegoodnight]

i wrote a lot more this year than i intended to so i figured i might as well collect everything in one place for reader convenience! so here’s everything i posted in 2020! ☽༓･*˚⁺‧

MARCH ~

✰ Don’t Let It (Me) Break

  E | 169k | please read tags | dual pov

The one where Harry is oblivious, Louis is broken, Zayn and Liam are in love, and Niall is just waiting for everyone to get their shit together.

And it’s all Malcolm’s fault.

APRIL ~

✰ my love’s not simple (it’s fragile) 

 E | 28k | a/b/o | college au | harry pov | fic post 

Harry’s new job is threatened by his impending rut. Desperate for a solution, he allows Niall to introduce him to Louis, an omega whose heat begins the same day. They click.

MAY ~

✰ before we knew 

 E | 40k | soulmate au | louis pov | fic post

Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed onto his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

JUNE ~

✰ in a world alone 

 E | 51k | a/b/o | swan lake au | harry pov | fic post

Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.

Because the swan is gone.

And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.

✰ move so pretty (you’re all i see) 

 E | 11k | pwp | harry pov | fic post

Harry’s pretty content with his life. He loves his job: a veterinarian at a local clinic who’s already built up a name for himself despite his young age. He loves his gorgeous flat with its wide, open space and minimalistic, yet still homey feel. He loves his family who he talks to and visits as much as possible, not bothered by the long hours of driving to Holmes Chapel from London he endures multiple times a month. He loves his friends and his coworkers and his neighbors- especially Allison, the little old lady next door who brings him and Louis cookies on holidays and who always comments on how “strong and handsome you are, Mr. Styles,” every time he sees her.

And most importantly, he loves Louis, just - maybe in a slightly different way.

JULY ~

✰ sleeping on our problems 

 E |  67k | a/b/o | mpreg college au | louis pov | fic post

Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about. 

✰ at your fingertips 

 E | 27k | pwp-ish | calm au | louis pov | fic post

Louis really should have seen it coming. 

AUGUST ~

✰ bruise you like a peach 

 E | 41k | pwp | college au | harry pov | fic post

There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.

The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it���s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.

His name is Louis Tomlinson.

✰ call you mine 

 E | 13k | pwp | love bites series | harry pov | fic post

Louis’ curious about how it feels to be bitten. Harry’s going to need more than just one bite.

✰ thinking about peaches 

 E | 24k | pwp | harry pov | fic post | drabble index

Eight smutty drabbles following the events of bruise you like a peach.

SEPTEMBER ~

✰ give me love 

 E | 41k | a/b/o | louis pov | fic post

 *co-written with @soldouthaz​​

Louis doesn’t feel like a good omega, Harry doesn’t remember how to be an alpha, and they figure it out together.

✰ works like a charm

 E | 18k | hogwarts au | louis pov | fic post

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone.

One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts.

Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts.

Three: They do not get along.

So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.

✰ there’s nothing like it (nothing at all) 

 E | 15k | a/b/o | harry pov | fic post

*sequel to my love’s not simple (it’s fragile) 

Harry isn’t ready for things to change, and the end is just the beginning. 

OCTOBER ~

✰ just a flicker in the dark 

 E | 57k | paranormal mystery | louis pov | fic post

Louis is a struggling witch desperate to prove himself after yet another magic disaster and finds a calling in the haunted house of client Niall Horan. Things get more complicated when he’s assigned a case partner: acclaimed medium and ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles.

NOVEMBER ~

✰ even the best laid plans 

 E | 25k | a/b/o | pwp | college au | louis pov | fic post

Louis wants to have sex with someone and decides Harry is the perfect alpha for the job.

✰ sweet like honey 

 E | 33k | college au | harry pov | fic post

Harry and Louis need money and they find an unconventional solution in the form of PornHub. It’s not supposed to be a big deal.

and there we have it! all sixteen fics i posted this year! if you check any of them out, please consider commenting, reblogging/retweeting, and telling my your thoughts in some form! 

i’m excited to see what comes next in 2021 and to make more of these yearly masterposts in the future :)

find my regularly updated fic masterpost here

and wips here

[cherry-toxic]

Fic writer questions!

I was tagged by @introvertia - thank you so much :) Your answers were really interesting!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 8

What's your total AO3 wordcount?

141754

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Four: Beyblade (gen fics mostly), Shizaya (Durarara), Grimmichi (Bleach), and Harringrove (Stranger Things).

I usually sit in a fandom for a quite a while before I actually start writing anything. I'm amazed by those people who can get stuck in right away (how do you do it!?!)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. end the fight; before the fight ends you

2. Bound to Happen

3. Year of You

4. Broken Boys and Butterflies

5. So come take a drink (And drown your sorrows)

All Harringrove aside from 'Bound to Happen' - which I'm rather surprised came in second because the Grimmichi fandom is waaaaay smaller than the Harringrove fandom.

'end the fight...' is also the only wip here. The rest are completed one-shots.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes and no. It depends. I want to respond because comments really do mean a lot to me and I love rambling with people, but I have issues with online communication. Like, sometimes I write out a response and when I read it back to myself my brain just goes 'no that's terrible you sound like an idiot delete it now' and then I go 'yessir you're completely right how silly of me.'

When it comes to wips, I tend to reply to every comment when I'm getting ready to post the next chapter, that way it's like a little heads-up - new stuff incoming soon!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Y'know as much as I love angst I actually prefer to have my fics end on a relatively positive note (angst with a happy ending is my shit).

But I suppose 'So come take a drink (And drown your sorrows)' is overall pretty angsty and I left the ending open so if I ever felt like continuing it I could do so easily.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written?

Big nah. Kind of like AU fics, they just don't interest me that much.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, but it came from someone who was just making the rounds on a bunch of Harringrove fics and they were highly suspected to be an anti so it didn't really bother me that much because I knew they were trolling.

I've had a few like, vague comments/back-handed compliments that got under my skin a bit though.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, occasionally I do. Generally I'd say I'm pretty vanilla, but I am currently writing an a/b/o fic, though I think it might go under non-traditional a/b/o because, again, vanilla lol

My smut usually comes with a lot of introspection, like they'll be doing the deed and one of them will be internally streaming a 5000+ word monologue (I do this with Grimmjow sometimes because he's a big virgin who views sex as silly human nonsense).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Parts of a fic, yes. I came across this fic that was clearly plagiarizing from several different authors (they forgot to change the characters names and everything) and I found entire paragraphs that were copy/pasted straight from one of my fics.

The thing is, this was over 10 years ago, something I wrote when I was... seventeen, maybe? So... I don't get why they copied it because it was pretty bad to be honest...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, an old one called '10 Miles in Your Shoes' (beyblade) although it was never completed because well, firstly, I never completed the original, and secondly, when the translator asked me how long I was planning on it being I said around 20-30k and uhhh... lets just say I overshot that by a mile!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. While I think it would be interesting to try I honestly don't know if I could give up control like that!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hard to say because I tend to go for characters over ships. Like, I got into Grimmichi because of Grimmjow and Harringrove because of Billy.

But since Grimmjow is my all-time favourite character then, I guess Grimmichi, but Harringrove is definitely a close second because the fandom has spoiled me rotten with all their amazing fics (in terms of reading material, Harringrove is my fav).

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

'10 Miles in Your Shoes' - the bodyswap fic.

It's been a long time since I engaged with anything related to beyblade but I have a lot of fondness for this fic because it was the second I ever started writing and it was the fic that allowed me to truly grow as a writer. There's a huge improvement from the first to the most recent chapter (most recent being 5 years ago...) to the point where it looks like it could have been written by two different people, and I received so much positive feedback and encouragement throughout those years. I wish I had it in me to go back and finish it off but I struggle enough while writing for my current obsessions so it's looking more and more unlikely...

At the very least, I think I might transfer it to AO3 since ff.net seems to be slowly going under. Even if I never complete it, I don't want it lost forever.

What are your writing strengths?

This might sound ridiculous but I don't know? I always feel like I'm winging everything!!

I guess. One thing I've been complimented on a lot is my ability to portray messy (for lack of a better word) situations in a realistic way. I've been asked a few times if I've ever studied psychology and -

Nope

Just winging it!

What are your writing weakness?

EDITING!!!

I really should get a beta because I miss so many stupid little mistakes, like - okay - I always used to write in past tense, it was never something I even thought about, past tense was just the default. And then suddenly, around 2017/18, I began transitioning to present tense completely unconsciously and now every time I re-read 'Bound to Happen' I get angry because I bounced between tenses all the way through that fic and I didn't even notice until a year after I posted it.

Also. Incredibly slow. Lack of consistency. Perfectionist until I get stuck and then I feel like you can spot exactly where I lost momentum. Utterly hopeless when it comes to descriptions of setting/scenery. I don't think I'm very good at building atmosphere either. Dialogue, although I am improving at that.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I can't say I really have any thoughts on this? I don't do it much myself.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Beeeeyblaaade! I was fifteen when I wrote my very first fic (now deleted because it was awful!)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh god, this is hard!

If we're talking completed fics only, then probably 'Year of You'. That was my I-Do-Not-Accept-Billy's-Death fic but I WILL take all of the angst material from S3 and ride it hard.

If we're including wips, then both 'end the fight...' and 'metamorphosis' are probably my favourites right now.

'End the fight...' is my BIG Billy redemption fic which I started plotting out not long after S2 and there's so many scenes I'm looking forward to writing (yeah I know its been a while since i last updated but the past year has been rough okay)

'Metamorphosis' is the a/b/o fic which I was kind of nervous about at first because its not a trope that i read a lot of but i'm enjoying how its turning out so far!

Whew! That was a lot!

I'm tagging: firstly, whoever wants to do it because I like reading about peoples writing experiences (make sure to tag me!) And then: @shadowthorne @bentnotbroken1fanfiction @callieb @backwardshirt @memes-saved-me @murderlight @magniloquent-raven @aeon-of-neon @louhetar

[hatosaur]

rules: answer these 30 questions and then tag 20 people you'd like to get to know better.

tagged by: @souncivilized17

name/nickname: jaya (pronounced like maya). pretty much the only name i go by irl besides the usual abbreviations and the occasional “jane”/”jay” when i order food so my name doesn’t get butchered lol.

gender: nonbinary

star sign: taurus

height: 5′4″

time: 4:52 PM CST

birthday: 4/30/1999

favorite bands: wallows, queen, beach bunny, daft punk, fleece (underrated!), gorillaz.

favorite solo artists: cavetown (BIG TIME), hozier, elton john, mitski, lizzo, rex orange county. 

song stuck in my head: freaking out by mystery skulls.

last movie i watched: captain america: winter soldier. i don’t watch a ton of movies nowadays (despite being passionate about them pre-pandemic), so the only way i watch anything is with friends; they wanted to recap before that new marvel show.

last show: same situation with movies except a LOT longer since. i think the last one was maybe 100 humans on netflix?? interesting for a while, but the episodes got repetitive and i had to stop at the gender episode.

when did i create this blog: mid-september 2020.

what i post: tlou art and fics! and sometimes, semi-/analyses, photomodes, and other tlou things.

other blogs: my main (art/personal/everything) blog @starstormie that i haven’t touched in months, as well as my equally-if-not-more-so untouched portfolio blog @artbystarstormie.

last thing i googled: “what is a star sign” searched “lou comic” because i was talking about french comics with a friend last night. apparently shit gets like REALLY real later on in its run.

do i get asks: plenty but mostly for prompts. other than that, really nice compliments :)

why i chose my url: lots of you know this already but it’s from the museum flashback where ellie puts the fedora on the dinosaurs skeletons (”that is...a hat on a dinosaur.” “it’s a hat-o-saur!”). i definitely wanted to use a quote instead of the usual naming scheme of the tlou fandom blogs and i guess the quote really stuck out to me at the time.

following: 61 (used to be pretty picky about following ppl bc i only wanted to see tlou content and nothing else; kinda weird of me. looking back)

followers: 973 (UM. WHAT. didn’t realize it was that high but thank you??? ;O;)

average hours of sleep: 6-ish hours. my sleep schedule is trash. if you’ve noticed me posting at 4 AM, it’s because i lack self-control when i sit down and think, “i’ll just doodle for a lil bit :)” and it all goes downhill from there.

lucky number: 3 and/or 5

instruments: played violin from 5th grade through senior year of high school! but haven’t played much since, though the muscle memory’s still there. i wanna play guitar really badly (thanks ELLIE) but i have violin brain so it’s very hard.

what am i wearing: tmnt pajamas, orchestra shirt from middle school, and nasa hoodie.

dream trip: cliche answer but japan. i’d love to visit and explore and take pictures one day. also maybe some place in canada or france.

favourite food: phở! second is calzones.

nationality: american

last book i read: for school, greyboy: finding blackness in a white world (for aa studies; very interesting read); and for myself, good omens. right after the show came out. yeah...it’s been that long.

top 3 fictional worlds I'd like to live in: letterkenny, httyd, and adventure time.

favorite color: red/pink!

you pretty much tagged everyone i woulda tagged so if anyone else wants to do this, here’s your excuse! :)