#nvm Every Other Book hyping him up so

[jokeson-u]

obviously i want nat to be friends with the entire team (at least varsity) but realistically..... the only people i genuinely see her canonly vibing with pre crash, are van, lottie, mari, and maybe shauna sometimes. id love her and jackie to be friends but obviously that was.. not the case lol, and as much as i wish she and tai were also close, tai was like. a bitch to her thru the entire pilot so i doubt it. but anyways, i think van and lottie have the most grounds. for mari, i think shes kinda a party girl at heart and sometimes shit talks nat w the girls but she treats nat as a friend outside of that. nat thinks its fake asf but she also just figures thats the type of person mari is. shes a gossip. so nat doesnt rly care and mostly thinks mari is cool like at parties and stuff. shauna, nat thinks shes kinda pathetic but in like.. a puppy way. shes so fucking fucked over jackie and follows her around, and she never sticks up to nat with jackie, but she does when its other people. its better than what she usually gets, and shauna is ok to talk to one on one, so shes.. alright in nats book.

but with van and lottie?? lottie backing up nat, running to catch up to her after nat gets pissed, pulling tai away from nat when she was insulting her and telling her to stop, teaming up first w nat at the party (ok thats a bit of a stretch but still). basically i think theyre opposites in obvious ways but theyre both introspective and observant enough to recognize that theres relatabily between them too. i think they basically has a sort of passive friendship. they dont go out of their way to hang out one on one often, maybe naturally do sometimes, but when theyre together, team setting or not, theyre very comfortable. teasing each other and whatnot (like the bathtub scene which is canonically supposed to mirror their pre crash relationship <3). but its really just the moments in between, not a necessarily... consistent friendship? i guess? idk if this makes sense tbh. anyways now nat is sad and mad bc she thought she did kinda know lottie but didnt wanna admit it but after all the shit thats happened she feels like she doesnt know her at all and maybe never did and.. yea.

anyways w van, i got that vibe from their interactions. even after the crash. specifically tho, the gun scene. idk i was def reading into it but. something about the way that nat was habded the gun for the coin test, and everyone was hyping her up, but van looked more.. idk. not concerned, but idk. and she stood up to stand by nat, like she was making sure she was ok. and then she immediately yelled at travis when he was shaming nat. basically i get the vibe that they maybe had a sort of vague trauma sharing bond. theyre not dumb, and w the lives theyve both had they can recognize similarities in other people. prob bonded first over movies and music, hungout every now and the to trade mixtapes and vcr tapes, and then van..... van has a pretty good idea of what happened when nats dad died. prob better than most ppl. all the papers said was that he died from a self inflected wound to the head, but nats told her enough for her to know that arrogant bastard would never kill himself. she briefly thought nat killed him and they just covered it up to protect her but then she remembered who nats mom was and was like.... lol nvm. figures smthn else happened, unlike the rest of the school who jokes about how theyd kill themselves too if they had a druggie slut daughter, etc. van tells them to shut the fuck up. nyways, nat rlllly fucking pushes everyone away and shuts down for a while afterwards but van actually really understands and supports her from a distance. maybe the get a little closer again as the year goes by

[oflgtfol]

warrior cats shipping is always so funny to me because only like five characters in the entire series have enough personality to warrant the deep emotional investment that shipping requires

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails of Cold Steel II:

they still haven’t told me why it’s Class VII

So I liked this WAY more than CS1, thumbs up

I am annoyed that the only new location was Ymir (WHAT A COINCIDENCE that all the important places in the war were specifically ones Rean had been to already)

I just really wanna go to Parm idk

Bless Anton for showing up right at the end and giving me just enough AP to make A0

(fav Anton and Ricky subplot yet, god I love those guys)

I LOVED how tactile all the reunions were! I love it when fictional characters hug it makes me happy

I found it extremely funny that the final boss straight up tells the characters ‘hey, there’s literally no point to fighting me, you’ll gain nothing except closure I guess’ like that’s VERY on the nose and meta for a final boss

The game does have some real ending fatigue though, I don’t think we needed the epilogue

I did like the final boss though - up until that point, I had become so good at using my Dream Team of Rean, Elliot, Machias and Jusis (or Nuke-sis, as I call him, for his insane levels of arts damage output) that everything had got kinda dull for me. But final boss was actually a challenge, I had to think rather than just using the strategy that had worked on everything else

Which was Rean delays, Elliot heals/deals arts damage, Jusis drops arts nukes, and Machias does miscellaneous support/uses his link ability to keep Jusis’s EP topped up

Oh yeah I had them linked through pretty much the whole game and they hated it and it was super funny

So OH MAN, in their linked victory battle ending screen thing, Jusis goes ‘not bad, you actually held your own for once’

And it’s a little muffled, so the first time I heard it I swear I thought Machias responded with ‘you know what you can hold? Your damn top!’ and I dropped my controller. Had to go out of my way to win another battle with a link attack because no, no way-

He

Um

He said ‘tongue’

Anyway, characters!

Rean: Immediately upon starting up the game I found Ride Along Estelle in my DLC inventory and equipped it in the hopes that it would inspire Rean to be a better protagonist. It... kinda worked? I don’t hate him anymore, and I was pretty hyped to learn he was Osbourne’s son

And then Lloyd showed up immediately afterwards and I was like ‘oh wait here’s a protagonist I actually LOVE, nvm bye Rean lol’

Alisa: I literally never use Alisa unless the game makes me lol she was there and I don’t hate her but also I cannot remember a single interesting thing she did. Even during her one bit of plot relevance she was overshadowed by Angelica it’s hilarious that the marketing makes her out to be the deteuragonist 

Elliot: A GOOD BOY who served me incredibly well with his off the charts healing crafts, I can’t believe I started CS1 not liking him much and thinking him useless. I love the little dance he does in his idle animation

Laura: I still like Laura, I wish she was more plot relevant. I don’t feel strongly about her, but she’s always a welcome addition to any scene

Machias: Unpopular opinion probably but I really like him, even if his outfit in this game was awful. So are his alt outfits. Fashion disaster. I bought him contact lenses from a shady highway business man because he looks better without glasses. I made him ludicrously bulky, if he’d just had some kind of taunt craft to protect Jusis (squishy mage) with he’d be a perfect tank

I’m a fan of him in a ‘this is my trash son’ kind of way lol

Emma: Uhhh kinda boring which is impressive since she’s actually important and pseudo-related to Vita and all. Btw I guessed she was a witch in chapter goddamn three of CS1 after reading the folklore book, and I find it extremely wild that it’s either a dragged out, foregone conclusion if you have read the book, OR witches even existing is completely out of nowhere if you haven’t

Jusis: My favourite, because I’m basic. But like, he’s seriously the most interesting of the guys, and I made him Rean’s best friend (only one I got to rank 7 with lol). And his bonding event in Bareahard was so gooood!

I find it incredibly funny that he insists he and Machias aren’t friends because 1. Yes you are and 2. Do you even have any other non-Rean friends, guy? You literally never hang out with anyone else unless it’s plot related

Still low key ship it. Enjoy that Rean does too, apparently. Still reeling over their Trial Chest’s quote

His second S-Craft is ridiculous looking

Fie: Most interesting girl, love how she just doesn’t get flustered ever, funniest character, best girl in the game, what the HELL was that outfit

Gaius: I keep forgetting Gaius exists lol. I don’t dislike him, but he’s not very interesting to me. He’s Zin, or Noel

Millium: Man do I want to know more about Millium. Her whole thing about learning to cry... so sad and SO fascinating. What is the deal with her and Altina?!?

Sara: I hated Sara at the start of CS1. Now I adore her. God she’s just the best. Please let her interact with Schera please please please Falcom

Towa: Cutest! She’s so cute and I still love her and I did her final event even though she is TOO GOOD for Rean! She got to be a captain! I love her!

As for more minor characters - still think Angie’s great, just wish she wasn’t kinda creepy about her love of girls, deeply dislike that the game ship teases her and GEORGE, who I still otherwise find inoffensive but also, you know, male, Alfin is great, Toval is great too and I still can’t get over him being Toby, stop teasing Claire with Rean let there be one woman who isn’t into him please, oh good Sharon’s here and they don’t do that with her and she’s awesome also can’t believe I used to not like her, more Olivier always please, same with Mueller, Celine is Morgana from P5 except better in every conceivable way, Crow :(, all the Ouroboros lot are great as always, and Elise is easily my least favourite character in this franchise and can get in the sun for all I care 

I read a transcript of the drama CD and hey Rean’s dad can also get in the sun for saying that his adopted son isn’t good enough to marry his biological daughter like where do you even start-

I love that I’ve gone from reacting to Ouroboros appearances like ‘oh shit oh no’ to going ‘oh shit it’s these fucking clowns (affectionate) again’

Still love Beryl. Also love Lambert

When they mentioned ‘Mueller’s friend’ I thought it would be Julia and I was so excited and then so disappointed that it was Neithardt who I still don’t like

Elliot’s dad looks ridiculous riding on top of that tank

I loved riding the bike around SO MUCH, even if it took me a while to get a hang of the controls  

Aurelia Le Guin is just Edelgard Fire Emblem, right? And Bardias is Claude? Except I guess this game came first, so like, other way around

Man I loved flying around on the Courageous. Also I FINALLY got a map, all I wanted in CS1 was to see a map of the country 

However, Act 1 was definitely my favourite part - the sequence where the kids have to sneak through the railway lines under the bridge to get to Garrelia is one of my favourite parts of this entire series. I kind of wanted the whole game to just be this group of teenagers trying to lay low and survive a civil war while also travelling and helping out from place to place

I uh... I want JRPG Life is Strange 2

Why is there a snowboarding minigame. I mean, I loved it, but... why is it there?

I still really miss the old battle orbment designs from Sky. The ARCUSs just aren’t as cool :(

I watched the secret Black Records scene on YouTube and I am so happy to finally have an explanation for Rosine, it was really bothering me that she seemed so out of place at a military academy

I’m very very hype to play CS3 based on the spoilers I have for who will be making appearances...

:D

Seriously why is everything in these games azure though just say blue-

[arkhamknxghts]

Oop I got carried away anyways jaykyle headcanons

•Kyle does his best to be the Santa that Jason never had don’t @ me

•Jason: I want to cut my hair I want a change

Kyle: I support you I’m going to dye my hair

•Kyle: “which safe house are you at im omw”

Jason: #4

Kyle: where’s that one

Kyle: nvm just meet me at the bank

•late night movie theaters Jason falls asleep against his shoulder and is laying down in his lap if the seats are connected

•Kyle: wtf I only have $3.77 in my bank account

Bruce or Jason overhearing and so Kyle wakes up with $3,003.77 in his account

•Jason: Bruce did an okay job at being my father figure we can share I guess

Kyle: sure I’ll put your achievements on my mom’s fridge im sure she won’t mind

*puts jason’s drawing of a flower on it*

•Kyle picks up photography and filmmaking so he tried to film everything him and Jason do together.

*first kiss, first sober kiss, first night he spent over, first roadtrip, first date*

•Jason drives during the road trips because he’s calm and collected while driving and he reactions to bad drivers near him quickly

•Kyle to Jason at 1am at a gas station: I love your bags

Jason: I appreciate it

*kyle kissss him under each eye and Jason flinches*

•Kyle snorts and Jason cries when they find something hilarious

•Jason: so Alfred taught me how to make bacon and eggs without setting something on fire in kitchen here’s some breakfast in bed

•Bruce always reminding Kyle that a part of him is still going to be protective over Jason despite Jason’s history “so don’t think that just because he… doesn’t mean I will…”

•Hal was trying to find a reason to dislike Jason but he sees that Jason and Kyle get along so oddly that there’s nothing plus him and Jason bond over their love to annoy Bruce

•he still annoys them both about protection tho

•Hal: is Jason that good of a fuck that I have to deal with bats even more now

Kyle not understanding what “of a fuck” means: yes

•Kyle coming home to a load of take out food that Jason ordered

•Forehead kisses for you

•Kyle’s phone storage running out because most videos on his phone are of Jason doing some silly thing like dancing towards the camera at a party or other video shots he wasn’t done editing (his favorite is that one time Jason was getting frustrated at putting up furniture but Jason looked so good in Kyle’s shirt and messy hair it makes Kyle homesick when he watches it), up close to Jason covering his eyes, (this one was early in their relationship) Jason smoking and looking sideways at him with glassy eyes, Jason looking at Kyle with these sleepy googly eyes and Kyle will look at the photo with so much pride and another is Jason with a butterfly on his face which took 5 years off of Kyle’s lifespan

•Jason: can I

Kyle: YOU MADE IT FLY AWAY AGAIN DAMNIT

•Jason is comfortable crying in front of Kyle, Kyle reminds him that he loves him with snot and big tears and all

•Jason brings Kyle back a picture and a souviner from every country’s iconic structure

Kyle starts to tear up

•Kyle “I brought you a rock” Rayner

Jason “this is the best thing anyone has ever gotten me I’m going to sleep with it for the next month” Todd

•Kyle brings back books and other materials that aren’t on Earth back to Jason because he know Jason loves learning more about anything there is to learn everyday

•Kyle knows that Jason has the curiosity of a child, that’s what makes Jason so fun to be around with

•Kyle doing the upside down Spider-Man kiss with Jason when he comes back if he’s still wearing his green lantern unfirom

•on Jason’s bad days, Kyle will cook or turn the radio on at a soothing volume for Jason to feel a little better

• when Jason still doesn’t get out of bed Kyle will just spend the day with Jason’s silent form by watching tv and covering them both up with a blanket

•Kyle: do you want to get up? We can try to look up ways to make your explosions even bigger

“No thanks” in a soft voice

“Okay just get your rest tomorrow can be a brand new day”

“Thanks”

•he reminds Jason that he doesn’t need to go anywhere when it’s his death anniversary and of course its understandable to still be upset about

•Jason will force Kyle to take a break at times or just to let himself go

•convo on the couch with the rain pattering outside the window ”I miss Alex, her birthday is coming up” “I’m sorry” *7 seconds of silence* “do you want to talk about it?”

•Kyle: this piece is trash

Jason: our definitions of trash are very different

•Jason: so I found this frame for you

Kyle: you mean stole it?

Jason: no one else grabbed it

•Kyle: wtf he teaches me something new everyday

•Kyle wanted to do a cheesy ice skating date and it was fun and games until he found out that Jason is practically an ice skater mid way, leaving Kyle to throw snowballs at Jason from the sidelines because he sprained his ankle when he fell

•Jason carrying him to the apartment because “it’s only 6 blocks away I’ll be fine”

•Kyle: can you teach me how to shoot a gun

Jason: cAn yOu TEacH mE hOw tO sHoOt a gUN? What the fuck no

•Jason: can you take me to Oa? Dick wants to visit

•Kyle: cAn YoU tAkE mE tO oA? Hell no

•early in their relationship they exchanged nothing but drunk kisses at all the celebrations or parties like they were that annoying couple that took almost every fucking place to sit because they were just making out so no one really knew if they were together because they seemed like they already were ???

•Kyle makes fun of Jason when he’s driving because he’s overly cautious unlike Kyle who drives with one hand on the wheel at all times

•their first date or kiss or the fuck they refer it to was the first time they got together was some kind of mess. It wasn’t planned at all. It started from going to the cave for a meeting, Kyle asking Jason what’s to eat around Gotham, Jason taking Kyle to his favorite place and next thing you know they’re having a deep meaningful conversation in the back of one of the cars they borrowed from Bruce’s and they started to make out, Jason and Kyle had an argument of whose place is closer and they ended up going to Kyle’s hotel. Jason told himself he was going to leave early in the morning but that bitch was so tired from last night he stayed in until 12 and then they were like oh btw I always had a crush on you

(Thus is where Kyle’s first photo of Jason happened, when he was laying in bed still asleep, messy hair and all)

•weird conversations with no context like:

•”I’ll bet you that I can play the violin for $15”

“It wouldn’t even surprise me that this point”

•Jason while giving a foot massage to Kyle: your feet are the only feet I’m willing to touch

Kyle: good don’t foot massage cheat on me

•kyle: yeah he almost looked like he was never mind I’ll just sketch it out hold on

•Jason: does your facial hair grow out faster in space?

Kyle: I don’t know like *deep sigh* like it can

•*off key singing when making dinner “will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful I know you will I know you will I know that you wil-“ “you don’t know me” from across the room

•Kyle has an hour long video of Jason lip syncing Moana word to word

•everytime bruce and Jason have a small argument Hal would act like he’s Jason’s dad. “Hey lad do you want to bat with me?” “Do you want to catch a burger with me?”

Kyle: that was supposed to be me what the hell

Kyle: I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY THAT

•Bruce: this is what we’re not going to do

•Kyle: Jason get your father figure or whatever you try refer to him as he keeps talking to my mom about a Wayne industries job

•Kyle out of no where: we should go skinny dipping

Jason: WE SHOULD

Kyle: babe stop yelling I’m right here

•Kyle washing the blood out of Jason’s hair when patrol or a mission goes wrong while Jason tries not to fall asleep

•Kyle hyping up Jason whenever Jason changes anything ranges to “why are your fingers fat they look like hotdogs sometimes” “you don’t see me asking why are you the way you are though”

•”add that to our sex playlist” “ok”

“please drop me off here I’ll just call Bruce or Alfred to pick me up”

•Jason sleeps better with Kyle, like Kyle is willing to wake him up at a reasonable time depending when he comes back and will try his best to stay up until he comes back from patrol

•All I’m saying is that Kyle helps Jason and Jason helps Kyle

•Bruce once walked in on Kyle decorating Jason’s hair with shampoo, he just silently closed the door

•Jason is very proud of Kyle like he tries to find time to talk someone’s ear off about his boyfriend. He treats the stories of Kyle without the ring with just as much pride as the stories of Kyle with the ring

•every birthday they try to make their gift/surprise bigger than the last one for an example Jason thought that putting fireworks outside the window and he somehow manipulated it to catch on fire when the window is open so he thought this was a good idea

•Kyle somehow managed to get his hands on C4, gunpowder, and tickets to the aquarium

•I’m not saying Jason appreciates s the color green because of Kyle after hating it since his robin days but that’s exactly what I’m saying

•told Kyle that he green reminds him of Kyle not just being of the lantern gig but because it reminds him of how warm and hopeful it is like him

•their dynamic and timing of the relationship is perfect with each other because they’re not around each other so much where they get annoyed of each other quickly

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Hogwarts! Mingyu

@itsmultifandomshit requested: “Heyyy could you do Hogwarts! Mingyu??😊” and “Could I possibly ask for a mingyu Hogwarts au? I really love your writings their so cute~ ^^“ 

the boy's crazy 

okay not really 

but WHAT is he ON to be so good at everything?!?! 

like everyone wants to know how the hell he has those looks and aces everything in school 

the running joke is, "what potion are you drinking?” 

even though they were highkey serious in his first year 

he just gives them a smile and laughs while answering honestly, 

“studying.” 

okay but that doesn’t explain everything else Kim Mingyu 

like Qudditch 

was legit keeper since second year because he’s a tower compared to the others 

and coming pretty close to being the same height as a fifth year likeee 

basically LONG arse limbs  

it's rare someone gets the ball through the hoop while he's playing 

like the first time he played, the other team is all cocky like 'lol fresh meat ain't gonna be that good' 

so right away they get a chance to shoot the ball 

everyone's like the first goal of the game, on the edge of their seats 

because they all think Gryffindor’s new clumsy keeper won't make it 

but Mingyu stretches his hands out super calmly and catches like YOU THOUGHT AHAHA 

flying around with a happy grin on his face, everyone SHOOK 

and not only quidditch, he’s good at cooking, knitting, calculus, basically you name it he could do it 

potions is and will always be his best and favorite subject

and his creations always turn out good too

he can space out in class all he wants and doesn’t even need a textbook

just starts throwing things in his cauldron from the top of his head and the teacher will walk by like “great job Mingyu!”

Minghao will be half-glaring, half 'what-are-you?' at the side

top of the class of course 

obviously at least half of the younger portion of the girls has had a crush on him at one point or another 

it kinda goes away though because Mingyu’s obviously not looking for anything and just subconsciously friend zones everyone 

so he’s just known as that cute boy who can do everything 

except like not hurt himself everyday 

at this point no one's even surprised when Mingyu comes in with a bandage around his pinky or a giant bandaid on his head 

the professor will be looking around for people that can perform the spell first, and her eyes will stop at Mingyu expectantly 

and gets surprised when Mingyu’s struggling to even hold his wand correctly let alone perform a spell 

“Mingyu, what happened?" 

he’ll chuckle sheepishly, "well i was knitting a friend a new scarf and got scared by something so somehow my thumb broke in my process" 

and by something he means one; Jun. two; Jun getting Hoshi to mess with their fireplace 

he attempts to scratch his head with that hand and reels back in surprise because he forgot about his thumb 

the dork 

"why didn’t you go to the nurse? come then i’ll write you a pass" 

"ah! nope it’s fine I'm trying to practice healing spells so i think my thumb will be fine in a couple hours" 

yeah, him preforming the spell with his non dominant hand is way better than a nurse 

but he manages and actually

that’s how you meet him

no not by an accident 

pfft how clichee pfftt 

your friend’s birthday was coming up and you know how she’s been wanting mittens and a scarf 

so you go to out to hogsmeade and scavenge for some and can’t find anything perfect enough 

you were a third year Hufflepuff and happened to be kinda close to Joshua 

so you were just telling Joshua the prefect about your problem 

and he’s like, "hey i have a friend in Gryffindor, your year, he’s great at knitting" 

"OMG REALLY PLEASE PLEASE CAN YOU TELL HIM FOR ME" 

he just smiles and shakes his head, "nope go make new friends, Mingyu’s really nice" 

he really just wanted the both of you guys to have another friend since he thought you guys would get along well, no other intentions 

well at first 

you're just like okay no biggie, Joshua wouldn’t recommend him if he wasn’t good right?

one night after dinner you manage to see someone who fit Joshua’s description 

and man he was cute 

going up to him, you smile, introducing yourself 

"hey my name’s y/n, Joshua told me you're really good at knitting so could you help me with something?" 

you're half excepting him to be like no i don't make things for random people 

“yeah sure! you can come back to the common room with me and choose yarn and stuff" 

so the two of you make small talk, about how you know Joshua, how you guys are in the same year, random stuff 

until you reach the common room and he brings down his yarn collection for you

and you're low key surprised because wow there's literally every color you could have asked for 

"so what colors are you looking for" 

"um my friend lives for blue and silver like the Ravenclaw she is,” you tell him laughing 

he laughs also, “alright i’ll make it for you as soon as possible!" 

"no!” you shake you head, “take your time i’ll need it in like two weeks” 

he shakes his head and grins, “I'll give it to you when it's done” 

and that’s pretty much it, you say thanks and leave 

except not because you were expecting it like a week? later 

because i mean you guess you kinda knew Mingyu, just as that smart Gryffindor keeper 

but when MIngyu comes up to you two days later 

“psstt come to the library after supper I have it” 

you're not even processing it right away, just kinda like ‘what is he talking to me for’ 

then you're like oh dang ALREADY??? 

walking to the library, your mind is running miles 

and you realize like damn the library is huge how am i gonna find him 

nvm this guy is a clumsy third year giant,, not the best match 

you catch him loudly shuffling through books 

“pssst Mingyuuuu” you say, laughing as he turns around with a little jump of surprise 

“AH!” he chuckles nervously at his slightly loud yell 

coming back to his senses, he reaches in his bag, and pulls out the most beautiful scarf you’ve ever seen 

“here i finished” he grins 

“omg it’s so pretty THANK YOU” you reach into your bag trying to find your money 

“here” you hand him a few galleons, making his eyes widen 

“WOW WAit i can’t take this!!” he whisper yells 

shaking your head, “yes you can!! this is way nicer than anything i could find at hogmeade” 

you push the money into his bag and grin, “don’t worry about it alright” 

thanking him again you turn around to leave with him waving at you 

then stopping in your tracks, you bite your lip subconsciously, and turn around 

“hey don’t be a stranger! we’re friends now!” 

a bright smile spreads across his face 

“yeah!” 

his simple answer making you smile, you walk out a little happier than normal 

you not knowing why 

you both start talking together more and realize you share a few classes since you're both in the same year

but lord 

don't let anyone ever tell you Joshua Hong isn’t nosy, 

especially when it involves his friends

“Y/nnnnn...” he sings happily, walking down the stairs and sitting on the couch next to you in the common room

"yes?" you answer looking up from the essay you're stressing out about 

"how are you and Mingyu doing?" 

you raise an eyebrow at him 

like okay maybe you're dense but you're not THAT dense

you know exactly what he's implying 

"we're friends" you say emphasizing your words 

he smirks with the gears obviously turning in his head 

"well okay then," he says cheerily, "how do you feel about him" 

when did he become so BOLD 

you know better than to lie to Joshua, he can find out anything 

so it's better to not say anything at all 

you just sigh, biting your lip and get back to your essay 

faintly hearing Joshua chuckle and walk away, your mind drifts away from transfiguration to a different subject 

Kim Mingyu 

‘agh, whatever,’ you think

you don’t wanna stress yourself out about a guy that doesn’t even think of you as more than a friend

WELL 

Joshua Hong is pretty talkative with Seungcheol and Jeonghan

and you know Junhui be nosy and eavesdropping always playing that matchmaker ever since he got himself a girlfriend

then telling alllll 12 of them

so they all know, 

and not a day goes by where someone doesn’t mention you to Mingyu 

seriously Minghao was about to just walk up to you to scream “MINGYU LIKES YOU A LOT AND WANTS TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE SO SAY YES” 

except he got stupefied by Mingyu who was totally not blushing like an idiot at the thought of Minghao exposing him

then Mingyu got detention curtsy of Jeonghan

“for not being a man” 

but Mingyu’s good at stupefying people so this whole process actually gets drawn out for a while

like a couple of months of just you and Mingyu being friends

and you trying to hide your blushing cheeks whenever Joshua walks past giving you the look

until Seungkwan overhears that your birthday is coming up

gets Mingyu in a panic on what to get you 

will not stop talking to Seokmin and Minghao about it

until Minghao kinda just sighs like, “knit her a scarf? go bother her friends about colors or something”

“OOH OOH” Seokmin screams getting hype, “MAKE HER FOOOOODDDDD”

Joshua walks up to you the night before your birthday

“go to the empty potions class room!” he whispers to you

you're confused as hell, flashing him a confused look, “it’s after curfew? JOshua HOng your a prefect!” 

“sssh no one has to know” 

you're walking to the classroom carefully, with zero clues about anything

opening the class room door, peeking your head inside slightly

your jaw drops, hands automatically pushing the door wide open at the sight

Mingyu standing right in front of you, a flower in hand, shyly grinning at you

all the classroom desks are gone and somehow it’s just a cute vintage table for two right in the middle

with beautiful arrangements of food, one flower placed on the table perfectly

“happy early birthday” 

you take the flower he hands you, getting flushed

“i love this,” you sigh gently, staring at it all in awe

he smiles, the apples of his cheeks showing, and leads you to the table

pulling out a chair for you, “sit please”

you do so, placing you flower in the vase ever so carefully

you're at a lost for words honestly, “i ... why would you put so much effort in for me?” 

it really is a dumb question

“because...,” he trails off for a moment, “i like you, i like you a lot”

“i-i-i” you stutter stupidly

“i should've confessed after we ate right? then at least you don’t feel...” you hear the words he mutters under his breath nervously

“no no no wait stop!” you reach over the table and food to grab his hand, holding tightly in yours

“i like you a lot too”

he just stares blankly at you, and you can see the emotion slowly coming into his eyes 

“so let’s eat yeah? i don’t want to let all this food go to waste~” 

the time you guys spend eating and talking really goes by quickly 

as the night naturally comes to an end the both of you are much more comfortable with each other 

“hey so i got you something” he scratches his head nervously

“what no you really didn’t, especially after all this” you exclaim

already he’s pulling out a prettily wrapped box out from somewhere, you don’t know

“just open it” you can tell the smile he shows is laced with worry

carefully undoing the ribbon, opening the box, your hand touches a soft material

eyes meeting a scarf in your favorite color

“Mingyu... this is gorgeous, beautiful, seriously there’s not enough words in the dictionary” 

picking up the scarf, he chuckles quietly and walks close to you

wrapping this around your neck, he softly asks, “wear this at my next game?”

“that sounds awfully girlfriend-like of me to do,” you say, playing with the ends of the scarf 

“will you be my girlfriend?” he asks, the tone in his voice heavy with many emotions 

even though he shouldn't be worried or nervous at all

“are you expecting any other answer besides of course?” 

you stand up, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest

suddenly you feel the wand in his pocket buzz quietly

giggling into his chest, you lift your head up to look at him, “Mingyu what even?” 

“oh that!” he moves his arms from your shoulders to your waist, “well this didn’t go as smoothly as planned” 

laughing under his breath for a moment, he then stares into your eyes

the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, “Happy Birthday!” 

leaning down he presses a kiss right at the corner or your lips

your cheeks can’t help turning a red pink and your giggle can’t help but come out

“you dork, you really set a wand alarm?” 

shaking your head, you tippy toe

and press you lips over his, smiling into the kiss

leaning back, you smile satisfied 

“but that’s why I like you.”

The Seventeen Hogwarts AU Series:

| S.coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino |

MASTERLIST 

[mimmisimagines-blog]

Dating Jay would include...

-playing with his hair -but also him playing with your hair -so he’s always really hyped up, so you teach him how to braid hair in every way you know -so when one of you is stressed you braid the others hair -bonus if he puts flowers in yours that he picks -giving him a look when he steals something -and he just smiles at you innocently -but eventually puts it back bc he’s so whipped it’s not even funny -tourney -so you’re a cheerleader and he’s a tourney player -but you always cheer for him loudest -and whenever he does anything you scream for him -bonus if he winks at you whilst playing -and even tho Audrey hates it you wear his jersey over your uniform -it literally drowns you but you don’t even care -also wearing it at night -so Jay would come into your room sometimes bc he has horrific nightmares about Jafar -and being with you just calms him and seeing his jersey on you makes him realise it’s real, you aren’t going anywhere, and you love him -so he holds you tighter knowing that -and you just press your face into his neck so you’re as close as you can be -speaking of Jafar, you originally really wanted to meet him -and Jay was so against that bc he was so protective no way in hell were you going anywhere near the Isle nvm Jafar -but after talking about it (which took a while for him to open up but he did) you had no intention of going anywhere near him -he gets so jealous so easily -like Chad would be flirting with you bc he had an obsessive crush on you -zip zap Jay is there like ‘f*ck off Chad’ -he never says that but he wraps his arm around your waist and just fully on starts making out with you -Chad just awkwardly sidles away, and you always giggle into the kiss as he does that -Jay being such a gentleman and stopping straight as he knows Chad’s gone bc you hate PDA but you understand how jealous he gets -but you love kissing Jay in private all the time -bc Jay tastes like coffee and walnut and something very different but what makes him just taste like Jay -Jay just rants at you for ages about Chad and his stupid rule book and Lonnie and her stupid talent until he flops next to you and wishes to just break the rules -until you suggest not breaking the rules but working round them -and he’s so confused until you read the rule book aloud, and he’s so shook you thought of this but so proud -and he just swoops you into a massive hug and kisses you, before running off to tell Lonnie and call a team meeting -all the other VKs being really accepting of you -expect at first it was surprisingly Evie who was really wary of you -just bc Jay is like her big brother and she didn’t was him to be absolutely crushed. -but she eventually warms up to you with the others

(extra -so it’s after the family day fiasco -and your busy talking to your parents but you can’t help looking over at the VK’s all the time, bc they all look so sad and Jay’s got that ‘f*ck I’ve really f*cked up’ expression -so you run over to them completely ignoring your mother yelling at you -and you slide onto the bench next to Jay, hugging him round his waist and smiling as if it was a normal day -and even when all the other AKs try to pull you over to them you just glare and hug Jay tighter bc screw them -and Jay hugs you back and squeezes you so hard, but just gently kisses your forehead bc he really loves how you’ll stick up for them against almost everyone)

[yoosungshoodie]

Since Kojuro is your #1 babe, do you have any modern headcanons for him? Can be as sfw or nsfw as you want!

SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED THIS I HAVE SO MANY 

still owns bontenmaru that turtle will follow him into every next life shut up he talks to him and explains his troubles often 

talks about the plot to his latest book to bontenmaru like the turtle can speak english and give him input on what to do next

always thought date masamune was really cool when he was a kid and his random obsession as a child was the sengoku period

he still has a messy apartment. books are everywhere and he lowkey owns shoujo manga because he’s a fucking dork

everythings the same it’s just that he dresses nice (i’m rejecting his love scramble modern day clothing he looks like a high school coach and i can’t have that)

still owns a kiseru because it’s kojuro and he has a lot of weird quirks even in present day

if he’s not an assistant to a ceo masamune, he’s definitely an author. 

an author who spends 95% of his time writing and forgets to do basic things like eat and go grocery shopping, most likely. it’s not even like he can’t afford it it’s just that he thinks about the idea of leaving the house to just buy food he’d have to spend more time cooking too? and his ass can barely cook? yeah nvm fam we good we can live for five days with just plain rice, no cooking we die like men

set his microwave on fire once because he never knew you couldn’t microwave tinfoil until he moved out and kita no longer cooked for him

nobody knows how but he’s so fucking awful at cooking like he can barely make his own coffee without fucking up and it takes him like two months to get that right alone. he just always somehow fucks it up and that is why no one ever needs him to bring anything ever to a potluck unless he bought it

he’s been writing since he was twenty and it has most definitely been used as a get laid tactic in his young years even if he denies it every time it’s brought up

lowkey writes poems but will never let anyone see it ever it’s hidden under his mattress

kita comes by his apartment once a month to yell at him and then help him clean up while whacking him over the head with his own book because dude you’re thirty, get your shit together.

most likely only has takeout and a ketchup bottle in his fridge. it’s a very empty fridge and it’s entirely his fault because he just forgets to eat a lot or sleep a lot.

falls asleep in random places around his house and is the king of powernaps when he has writer’s block, sometimes he just falls asleep on the floor and he’s an irresponsible fuck with himself all the time

has his hair in a man bun too but usually it’s slicked back af

is a pretty famous author, and he got some of the hype because everyone was really surprised the author of this book actually turned out to be really hot. he gets confused when people call him daddy in the comments of his posts on social media like "i'm not ready to be a father yet"

used to babysit this kid with heterochromia and his really loud cousin as a teenager, and swore he’d protect those annoying kids with his life and they’re like his closest friends they have a bar night about every other week now and is basically their dad

met his mc because they work at the same publishing company and she asked him to read over a manuscript of hers as a favor and he was so impressed he wrote his number on it upon returning it

he asked her out by writing a short story about him asking her out and then e-mailing it to her what a fcking dork and he talked to bontemaru about it 

mc met him at his apartment for their first date and nearly cried because what the fuck and they spent their first date cleaning his apartment instead of eating out

his neighbors file noise complaints once they start dating

he was so fuckin whipped after that he wrote poems about her and he would always go out of his way to visit her whenever he could like “hi u left a strand of hair at my place should i come by n drop it off” 

kita won’t shut up about asking when she’s going to get some nieces and nephews and when he’s going to propose

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Idiot Hero Syndrome

Transmission date: Monday 20/Tuesday 21 March 2017 .

Slightly later than planned, but only if you believe this British Summer Time bullshit, this is MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

(in other news, five days to takeover GOGOGO) .

we open with dramatic video of the foley situation .

(my abstract noise band) .

this is a really long video, but then, we're at the season where everything is about hyping the narrative .

(in theory, at least) .

we're in brooklyn, so go weird chants and the lariest crowd .

and here's the mick .

looking 100% unrepentant .

but he has a prepared statement to read .

saying he's been a fool and loves big wrestling dad .

and how he's distracting the audience from mania .

the crowd know where this is going, and they don't approve .

he's taking a leave of absence .

which is way less fired than we expected .

oh, and here he goes .

exploding on the fact that hunter gave him index cards to read just before the show .

and now they're cutting his mic .

going full pipe bomb on this .

so here's steph to put a stop to that shit .

like oh hey mic is your mic broken how about that .

she's on mick for screwing up every talking spot ever .

and for only caring about his own popularity .

she's got two words for him .

but not the two the crowd wanted .

so yeah, he's fired .

full-on mcmahon firing there .

but here's...sami zayn? .

not even a bit of skanking .

straight to business .

sami disagrees on principle with her treatment of mick and many other things .

mick's like come on dude walk away don't get yourself killed .

the crowd want more punk .

and sami opens up on steph .

this'll end well .

she's like oh hey sami didn't notice you there did you say something .

be the sensible undercarder and walk away .

he gets as far as the ropes before going fuck it and turning back around .

he's standing up for what's right .

and threatening to occupy the ring until she changes her mind .

but instead, here's joe .

not wearing a suit this time, which is nice .

steph's just like nvm joe i'll sort this - mick, fuck off, and sami, stand here while this large man fucks you up .

sami gets in a pre-match tope con giro, because why the fuck not .

so yes, now we have this match .

mick and steph have disappeared during the ad break .

sami goes for a blue thunder bomb, joe just looks down at the little canadian man holding his leg like oh hello what are you trying to achieve .

that's really been the flavour of this whole match so far .

joe just watches sami jumping around, then slams him into a nearby object .

corey just described joe as "the human embodiment of the phrase 'The beatings will continue until morale improves'" .

fuck, i love his commentary .

joe's beaten sami into the ringpost and floor outside, and i have no idea where the count is because the crowd is TENing over everything .

oh, apparently he got in at nine .

thanks, cole .

sami's heating up now, because the man can't get out of bed without being punched in the stomach a few times .

back outside, and sami hits a beautiful torpedo ddt .

tries to pull joe into the ring, gives up and leaves him for the count .

beats it, obviously .

goes for a helluva kick, joe counters into a spinebuster and coquina clutch for the tap .

WOMP WOMP WOMP .

WOMP WOMP .

joe's bleeding though, so at least sami gets that distinction .

apparently throughout the night we're going to be looking back at roman and braun's rivalry .

lucky us .

i mean, that makes no sense since we're meant to be building heel heat for roman to push him v taker, but hey .

so later we're getting strowman reigns .

and a look at brockberg .

and next, and update on seth's injury situation .

but now, mick and sami are backstage .

or possibly *under*stage, looking at the room .

the fuck is up with this arena .

sami wants mick to stay and stand up for them, mick's passing on that mantle to him and the rest of the looker room .

long tracking shot of him walking backstage .

runs into cesaro and sheamus, who thank him for believing in them and creating tag team alchemy

.

why is this all emotional .

and gran metalik and tjp .

and now bayley .

and many tears were shed .

and suddenly hunter looms out of the shadows .

looking somewhat less cut up .

gives him a shit-eating grin and a have a nice day, walks off .

and a despondent foley leaves the building .

the end .

it's been real .

wait, there's more show? .

shit .

so yeah, now we've got the seth update .

after another recap  video of him fighting hunter .

have more videos of him doing physio .

and now we have his physiotherapist, live via satellite .

whay the fuck not .

apparently seth's rehab is going miraculously well .

but WILL HE MAKE IT TO MANIA .

(yes) .

mr doctor is not convinced he'll be ready to compete for several months .

but still .

wwe is still billing him for mania .

dr man is like hey, he might go to mania because he's a crazy wrestler dude, but he'll be back in therapy the next day .

which sounds like a fair trade .

(if you're a wrestler) .

later, cole talks to hhh about all of this .

but now, here's charlotte .

and someone in the crowd has a giant sasha head, which really confused me there .

looks like all entrances tonight will be sasha .

she's fighting dana, who has regained her own entrance and added a somersault in there, but also reverted to her old shitty gear .

let's have recaps of her last time, primarily so you can see how much better that gear was .

match starts, dana is just kicking charlotte's ass all over this .

nice to see her actually get to do something .

i mean, she's still not the smoothest wrestler, but what do you expect when she's been arm candy for months? .

charlotte's just got this look of wait what the fuck is going on ow .

charlotte counters something with a big boot, immediate pin .

welp, that was perhaps understandable but still super anticlimactic .

but next, we have jericho interviewing the real kevin owens .

who kevin steen has been keeping in a box all these months .

but first, stephanie is backstage .

runs into a downcast bayley .

who doesn't want her hugs .

this is saying something .

bayley's like hey when i was growing up you were so cool and inspirational what happened to that .

does mick's cheap pop .

he has truly bequeathed pieces of himself to the whole locker room .

steph's like oh hey that's nice why don't i make you earn that belt every night from now one .

starting tonight - bayley/nia, nodq, and if nia wins, she's in the title match too .

steph walks off, bayley like welp that could have gone better .

but now it's jericho time .

wearing double denim, button-calf jeans, a long scarf and no shirt .

wow .

bold style decision .

oh wait no .

that jacket is cheap leather, it just looked kind of denimy on the ramp in .

so i guess this outfit make slightly more sense .

chris doesn't need kevin because all the fans are his friends .

d'awwww .

chris announces the real kevin owens, throws up a pic of kevin at sixteen .

wearing a y2j shirt

.

"with a Chris Jericho poster on one side and...a random chesty blonde on the other" .

describes him as "marking out, maaaaaaaan" .

gets the smark laughs .

and now a grab of jericho's DMs when kevin first signed to wwe and he wasn't sure what to do and asked chris for advice .

d'awwwwww it turns out our baby psychopath was a human all along .

(side note: ugh, the thumbnail for this next part has goldberg in it) .

(some time in the next 45 minutes, i will be taking a nap) .

including a message where kevin worries about pissing people off and invites chris to come to his house if he needs anything .

chris is like hey motherfucker, i could use my time and pain back .

and he wants the real face of kevin owens at mania .

to illustrate which, he shows kevin's BWUHHHHH face when his music hit at fastlane .

and he establishes that he is not kevin's friend, he is his hero .

and warns him that when his music hits at wrestlemania, kevin's going to understand the shit he's got himself into .

this whole thing is chris reminding us that he's been a legitimate contender since the late 90's and he's in some of his best condition ever now .

calls kevin a stupid idiot, because why not .

i take it back, his strange outfit includes *two* long scarves .

chris winds up to putting kevin on the list, until samoa joe looms down the ramp .

distracting chris so kevin can coldcock him and attack him with his own shitty jacket .

upon losing the jacket, it becomes apparent that chris's trousers are *actually* pleather tights that button all the way up the sides .

chris, did you just stra-ight up deliver that promo in BDSM gear? .

because frankly, more power to you if you can pull that off .

that, or he's been taking style tips from cesaro .

all clothing must be detachable at a moment's notice .

kevin beats chris down, dramatically picks up the list .

takes the pages off the board and slowly shreds them over a prone chris .

then does the pose he did in the photo, but unfortunately, it basically makes him look like bray wyatt .

loving the AAAAAAASSHOOOOOOOLE chants .

and then just smugly walks off .

now let's have more recap videos of why roman and braun dislike each other to build up this main event .

surprisingly, it's not just because they have similar names .

recap of the turnbuckle exploding, which was a good moment .

and now, have more recaps of the kevin/chris bit you just saw .

corey uses this to prophesy "the end...of jericho" .

nicely done .

but now, let's have tjp .

presumably also somebody else .

oh hey, it's kendrick .

*the* brian, that is .

tjp totally stole bayley's give-your-headgear-to-a-child-in-the-crowd shtick .

kendrick has yet another pair of new tights .

these made of a fabric swatch selection book from our autumn collections .

lots of reds, golds and whites, but no other form of cohesion whatsoever .

in any case .

tj can't be fucked with working for long tonight, does a wrecking ball within like 30 seconds of the bell .

kendrick throws tj at the ref, then converts it into sliced bread #2 for the pin .

welp, that was quick .

and at no point did brian make his opponent's face melt

.

but now he has a mic .

he's calling tozawa out .

or possibly "tozira...akiwa...tokawa...akira tozawa" .

but apparently tozawa isn't even in the country .

because brian took his passport in the locker room last week .

lesson #7: be careful what you leave lying around .

this is sound advice .

up next, we look at the brockberg situation while your esteemed writer plays puzzle quest .

but first, a recap video of shawn michaels learning roman a thing .

and braun bodychecking him into the underworld .

charly grabs roman backstage .

to be like hey how does this affect your plans for the undertaker .

roman's like who cares imma fuck him up imma fuck this guy up my yard my ring big dog woof .

strong answer .

apparently this brockberg recap package is going back to 1997 .

fuck playing a game, i'm gonna go take a bath .

talking head from eric bischoff, looking much older but just as punchable .

i love how they make no bones about the fact that this whole angle was thought .

up as a tie-in for the video game .

clip of an interviewer (corey?) asking brock, "How do you deal with a loss like the one you suffered at Survivor Series?" .

brock's mouth says nothing, his eyes say MURDER IS THE ONLY WAY TO QUIET THE VOICES .

hooray, that video's done .

next, we have bayley/nia .

but first, sheamus and cesaro chat backstage .

until steph interrupts them .

like fuck you guys mick's left and he took fun and good feelings with him .

so she's putting them in a handicap match against gallows/anderson/enzo/cass, and if they lose they're out of the title match

.

just for giggles .

her and hunter are stealing have a nice day every chance they get .

but here comes bayley, that noted hardcore icon, for this nodq match .

and here come most girls .

wait shit, it's nia .

screwed that one up .

bell rings, nia goes for bayley with death in her eyes, bayley goes for the guillotine as usual .

in this tableau, nia jax represents the looming and inevitable spectre of death, while bayley represents joy, love, and their attempts at negentropy .

wrestling is deep .

charlotte and sasha are both watching this match backstage, in super-stereotyped dressing rooms .

nia is choking the life out of bayley, brooklyn responds by chanting for literally every other fucking thing in existence .

pretty sure i got some shouts there .

pay attention, brooklyn .

nia repeatedly chanceries bayley into the barricade, then gets a chair .

immediately has it kicked out of her hands, assumes it no longer exists and leaves it there while she gets hotshotted on the second rope .

nia keeps trying to make this hardcore, and bayley's just like fuck you i;m a wrestler .

and nia drags bayley off the turnbuckle, hits her face into it on the way down, and samoan drop for the pin .

not the way i saw it going .

that was a good match, it just would have been nice without the super distracting crowd .

let's have another women's history segment .

it's mae young .

and this time, not even the faceless announcer is female-presenting sigh .

also, can we note how the black history month people were all civil rights activists and breakthrough performers and the fucking president, and the women have been wrestlers (or in one case a tennis player), including this week a woman who once gave birth to a hand on television? .

not entirely sure what that's saying, but it bears pointing out .

but next, we interview the guy who runs the company about why he's being such a twat .

we may not phrase it in this exact way .

so here's cole and his dumb soul patch .

and the nice folding chairs they bring out when people actually need to sit down .

they have a warehouse of metal hitting chairs under and around the ring, but no fucker ever sits on them .

hunter is disappointed because he won't get the chance to fuck seth up at mania .

but he takes exception at cole saying hhh was partly responsible for seth's slide into death and pain .

apparently it's entirely seth's fault, because he started listening to the fans .

god forbid we ever do that in business .

he reckons it's an insecurity thing .

he, of course, has never succumbed .

he also blames the crowd for ruining foley's life .

everything bad that has ever happened to him, it's all their fault .

(also arguably vader's) .

hunter cues the footage of seth from last week (for the fourth time) to demonstrate how listening to the crowd will lead to you being significantly fucked up .

cole's like ok next question do you have any regrets about fucking your protégé .

surprisingly, hunter does not .

oh hey, disdain for millennials *ticks authority promo bingo card* .

hunter's like cool i'll probably never see seth again so i am as of now officially done with him .

gives cole some comp tickets for mania to give to seth .

hunter leaves, rethinks, returns .

like hey what would you do if there was a way we could fight at mania .

hunter always has a plan .

he's like hey, money and influence can work miracles .

shushes cole's irrelevant claims about things like "long-term health" and "exploded leg syndrome" .

the crowd want to see them fight at mania .

so now hunter's listening to the crowd? .

way to stick to your principles .

so hunter's proposing he draws up a waiver for a medically unsanctioned match, so when he leaves seth "Brooklyn and worthless" [sic] [hey maffew], he won't be able to sue .

pictured: something wwe would never do in the real world in a million years .

so hunter will do the papers for next week and seth can turn up and sign them and they can fight a WRESTLEMANIA POINT AT THE SIIIIIIIIGN .

or is he a coward .

drop mic, leave .

damn, he can still work a crowd .

it's almost like he's been practicing for decades .

recap vids of roman/braun again .

braun slamming roman through various objects .

eh, still not as impressive as tony nese .

but next it's the tag handicap match .

after an announchment that tinashe will be performing at mania .

and if you know who the fuck that is, feel free to write in .

but here come Solar Beam & Stripper Suit .

to fight four sizes of douchebag .

they're like a set of nesting dolls of assholery .

and then when you open enzo up, all there is at the centre is a single, quivering middle finger .

enzo and cass do the can't teach that bit, cesaro and sheamus get to do the death laser/stripper suit thing, and anderson and gallows are stood there like hey why don't we have a big entrance performance .

enzo and cass talk a bit of smack about their nominal opponents, spend far longer mocking gallows and anderson for being bald .

tout their "home field advantage", despite enzo being 100% from jersey .

aforementioned bald men attack enzo and cass as they come into the ring, ref says fuck it and rings the bell anyway, enzo and cass wail on gallows while cesaro and sheamus hit anderson with an assisted brogue for the pin .

and then enzo and cass boomshakalaka anderson for giggles .

byron talks some more about the original big dog fighting the new big dog .

i would enjoy watching both of them up against an actual big dog .

so now, over to the new day in their led display room to hype mania matches .

big e is hyping brockberg, describes it as "a strong man versus...another strong man. Huh." .

and they're talking up smackdown matches as well, which is nice .

and then big e starts doing his brockberg bit again, for xavier to be like dude you just did that, let's do the finish now .

cue clapping, caressing an ice cream cart, and cut .

but now, one mr aries .

in his indescribable coat .

aww, the recap vids of him in the 5-way miss out most of him in the hold .

so, lest we forget

.

(yes, that is a different picture) .

(i have a lot) .

tony nese is also here .

cole and graves do a thing about how they miss austin being on announce (as do i), byron's like um guys i'm here instead .

[DEAFENING SILENCE] .

cold, guys# .

match starts, and i am mostly still distracted by nese's peculiar style choice of coming dressed as the flag of argentina .

if you've ever wondered what a south american flag would look like with abs, you haven't seen tony nese .

opening where nese slaps austin around a bit .

only to get tangoed and take a suicide dive .

although i'm not sure who came off worse from that dive .

austin, your neck is not meant to do that .

nese gets austin in a torture rack for a while, still manages to maintain match heat, which is impressive .

and then shows us all his lovely bicep .

austin replies with a neckbreaker into a really nice facebuster/sto, and then the ridiculous theatricality that is his pendulum elbow .

followed by a missile dropkick, where corey said "Nese is reeling, can Aries close the deal?" but I had to pause the video because I totally heard "Nese is really a canary..." .

anyway, rolling elbow for the pin .

or 'discus fivearm', as corey assures me we're calling it now .

(why are we calling it that now) .

austin poses, cue excessive pyro and neville's music .

which i am almost accustomed to .

still puts me slightly on edge .

austin's like oh hey neville i didn't think i had an interview scheduled with you .

neville is pissed .

nothing new there .

calls austin 'lad' .

despite being *Googles* eight years younger than him .

neville's like whatever pet i'm just enjoying watching you spin yourself this web of ego before i murder you at mania .

austin's like well this is the worst interview ever .

because double-A level, etc. .

fuck that, i've got four a levels .

austin does a pretty passable neville impression .

promises to actually being the one doing the killing .

but now, let's have *another* brockberg video package .

sigh .

after another emma video to restore some shred of my faith in wwe .

snickers brings you a video of brock and kurt angle at mania 19 .

including a super slow motion shot of that fucked shooting star press brock almost killed himself with .

i am wincing so hard .

apparently that was one of the best mania matches ever .

fuck off, cole .

announce spot telling us that not only should we be watching the hall of fame ceremony, we should be watching the red carpet hall of fame *pre*show .

fuck that noise all day long .

so yes, now we have more videos of brock doing stuff .

wonder if i've got any emails? .

corey asks another question about how the match at mania will be any different, brock's mouth says *smirk* while his eyes say BLOOD I MUST HAVE MORE BLOOD THIS SCREAMING HUNGER CANNOT BE SATED .

and apparently we'll be having goldberg and lesnar facing off next week .

hurrah .

but then, it's the pre-mania show .

who expected anything different .

charly collars braun backstage, he's like SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS TALKING IS DETRACTING FROM VALUABLE ROMAN-CRUSHING TIME .

advises taker to get a shovel if he wants to fight roman at mania .

nice touch .

so yes, we're having that match now .

roman is in the ring, the crowd don't give anything even vaguely resembling a shit .

not even one of those comedy rubber dog turds .

advert break, hype austin on 205, seth signing a waiver next week, and roman/taker at mania, cut back, roman's music is still playing .

i feel for you, brooklyn .

but here's a large screaming yeti man to liven things up .

roman goes for a drive-by, braun clotheslines him out of the air .

because, as ever, braun strowman's entire moveset is FUCK YOU .

hits roman's face into the top turnbuckle, which sadly doesn't explode this time .

cole like hmm yes they must have reinforced the ring that is exactly what has happened .

braun works a side headlock like he's genuinely trying to make roman's head pop off .

or possibly he's looking for Pez .

roman gets a comeback in, tries to samoan drop braun, who just straight sandbags him .

fuck you, tiny man, gravity is on my side .

the crowd want taker .

i want us to be anywhere other than brooklyn .

i feel we'll all be disappointed .

roman does a bunch of lariats to braun in the corner, then staggers away like he's forgotten what he was doing .

goes for a samoan drop again, hits it because braun's cooperating this time .

and a driveby that actually works .

so braun just goes fuck it whatever and whips him into the ring steps .

and brings the top one into the ring for some nefarious reason .

winds up to hit him with them, roman superman punches them away .

goes for another, braun counters and roman counters and braun counters and picks roman up and roman somehow superman punches him from that position .

which makes no sense and roman winds up for a spear and BONG .

*inhales* .

lights go down, taker appears in the middle of the ring .

looking like shit, but slightly less shitty than he has in recent months? .

braun goes for taker, gets chokeslammed, taker slowly turns around with this beautiful expression of oh fuck i'm about to take a bump this won't be fun and gets hit with a spear .

roman stands over taker, gets some goddamn heel heat for once .

then walks up the ring, until his music cuts as taker does his dramatic sitting up thing .

taker does the thumb across throat thing, and we fade to his music and moody purple lighting .

that mood is 'somehow hyped about this psychopomp zombie man's continued run of victory' .

we cut now LIVE to half a dozen hardcore wrestling fans standing in a cemetery applauding a corpse .

they've been there for six days so far .

smackdown to follow as soon as they give up .

------------------

.

Welp, that took longer than expected .

i did enjoy the part where they got chased away by a wolf, though .

ladies and gentlemen, the *original* big dog .

(yes, i've been sitting on that joke for days) .

so now that's out of the way, how about some THURSDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!? .

and we open on the dramatically desaturated handicam footage of aj losing his goddamn mind .

it's like some shitty straight-to-netflix found footage film .

aaaaand they used the shot from inside the car again .

jesus fuck .

it's like creative don't read my blog or something .

loving how the overarching metanarrative between shows seems to be 'we're about to do the biggest show of the year, but fuck it, it's firing season!' .

show opens with bryan talking to some dude, then interrupted by a bullish aj styles .

apparently shane is going to show aj what it means to be a man at mania .

should be good .

and he's on his way tonight .

so aj's like fuck it imma ambush and assault him again, brb .

and now he's in the arena .

unlike mauro, who's now off sick .

allergic to blizzards .

but otunga's back .

yaaaaaaaay .

aj makes it to the ring, and the usual cheers are at least slightly tempered with heel heat .

he's here to tell us all that he's not even slightly sorry .

don't worry, dude, nobody ever thought you were .

apparently because shane put him through so many things, he had to put him through...A WINDOW .

the master of metaphor .

aj accepts shane's challenge, because that's what you do in wrestling .

aj addresses the 'holy fuck, why is aj styles in this match?' argument .

basically because fuck it, it means being at mania .

apparently he's holding smackdown up by himself .

aj claims to be untouchable and all-powerful .

that'll end well .

aj again openly expresses his plan to ambush his employer in the parking lot again .

...this is not how ambushing works .

side note: aj is wearing a douchey headband visor thing .

just apply that filter over that whole segment .

later we have the secret forbidden episode that exposes nikki and john .

after alpha/usos .

and bryan on the phone to shane, hatching some kind of plan .

and now baron corbin is here? .

apparently he's challenging dean for the ic belt at mania .

couldn't see that coming .

dean isn't here tonight, so baron's like fuck this noise imma go gamble .

so bryan puts him in a match with randy, because he is an angry goatman .

oh great, rob gronkowski is in the crowd .

i know sport things .

so yes, tag match now .

apparently it's for the titles .

guys, slow your roll, it's mania in less than a fortnight .

(or three days, if your a disorganised failure like some people) .

i'd say something about alpha or the usos, but they're the same as ever .

usos continue to look for three more people for their fivestar reunion .

apparently jason got married this weekend .

does this mean he's cheating on chad D: .

mohegan sun arena apparently where the usos fans live .

jimmy uso seems to be innovating a new wild-flailing-based moveset this match .

spirit of enterprise right there .

let's see how it works out for him .

apparently the answer to that question was 'armbar' .

alpha dropkick everyone in the face, throw jimmy over the ropes instead of going for a pin for some reason .

chad gable's enormous skillset also proves to include throwing himself face-first into a turnbuckle at mach 3 .

dramatic hot tag spot, in which jimmy uso pulling jj off the apron defeats chad gable being the greatest technical wrestler there is .

the power of shenanigan .

chad rolls back in the ring at nine, right into two angry samoans, because idiot hero syndrome .

chad manages to bullfight jimmy into the post from being in a tree of woe .

now there's core strength .

jason tags in, proceeds to completely fucking murder everyone in sight .

set up for the electric chair bulldog, fall prey to some superkicks .

usos set up their superkick/superfly splash combo, chad kicks out at two .

because he is the invincible force of good in the world .

superplexes jey at actual speed, electric chair bulldog, pin broken up by jimmy .

who then takes a nasty alphaplex to the floor .

they're all going for it tonight .

chad does a moonsault to the floor, then gets superkicked over the barricade .

and jimmy lands a superkick on jason for the pin .

i...huh .

okay, i stand corrected .

jimmy wears the tag belt around his neck, because clearly they needed to be .

more over as twats .

cut to aj lurking in a significantly larger car park .

have some hype for randy/baron .

and...cena/fandango? .

pre-mania, everybody .

but up next, the forbidden episode of total bellas .

we're all going to die in a week .

random interstitial thing about baron's football career .

but now, luke harper in the lightbulb room .

talking about sister abigail .

nice to have some cross-feud plot .

harper promises to destroy bray next week .

that was a really short promo, but hey .

and i swear he fucked it up like three times .

and now we have a video of people pretending to be the bellas .

also cena .

this all feels like a really uncomfortable porn parody .

miz is cena, maryse is nikki, brie is...somebody else? .

i don't even know what to say here, i'll be honest .

and then it ends to be continued .

the fuck is going on with smackdown .

so now we have baron .

fighting... .

randy? .

i'm lost, i'll be honest .

just flailing and sinking in a sea of questionably-edited confusion .

sponsored by snickers .

and now we have recaps of baron trying to murder dean .

every angle on this show contains at least one felony, i swear .

even if it is just miz's style choices .

tom talks about how randy burned sister abigail's soul, despite last week .

which we are now getting a recap video of .

which they cut off before the scream, which is a shame .

gdi guys, stop telling me how close mania is .

i still have like a week and a half to watch in the next couple days .

why do i do these things to myself .

anyway, while i was ranting, the match started .

but then again, it's corbin/orton, so who actually gives a shit .

(a confusing number of people) .

randy gives up halfway through some universal, starts stomping on baron .

sorry baron, you're here to get the main eventer over .

baron gets out of the ring, and then decides to just lean against the apron and face away from the ring .

surprisingly, that actually worked out well .

clearly i should not impugn the strategic brilliance of zhuge corbin here .

twitter stream is all people talking about how hilarious the total bellas bit was .

i think those may all be miz's sockpuppets .

meanwhile, baron gets a comeback in this epic battle of the tattooed criminals .

they've done basically the exact same things in their respective angles, but somehow one of them is allegedly a face .

randy does his big signature powerslam, announcers are contractually obligated to react like they've never seen anyone do it before .

and then tops it off with a full nelson slam, cos fuck that guy .

corbin doesn't get the hint, kicks out at two .

so gets splatted into the steps and apron for his trouble .

and draping ddt .

randy strikes up the snake .

in one of those moods where he doesn't quite nail the twist and just looks like he slipped on something .

and then is angry on the floor .

baron counters the rko into a (fairly sloppy) deep six, because fuck you randy .

i've got a match to hype too .

tries to capitalise, randy bullfights him into the ring steps .

and now we get the none-more-exciting bit where they lie in the ring for a bit .

and now here comes dean .

on a forklift .

randy hits an rko, acknowledges the assist, and gets the pin .

so yeah, dean is just on the ramp, stood on the platform of a forklift .

comes to the ring, randy has evaporated .

dean is here to acknowledge baron's semi-implicit challenge .

accepts it, because wrestlers, then hits dirty deeds on him and walks out .

businesslike .

but then, that's pre-mania for you .

we have seventy-three matches to set up, and we've hardly started any of them .

this season is wwe's version of 4 a.m. the morning before an essay's due .

cut to aj getting his lurk on .

and an advert for 205 .

apparently featuring austin's wrestlemania address .

because anyone can get an address .

if i was up to time, i'd try and book a spot

.

it's official, here's a graphic for the Snickers Intercontinental Championship match .

but next, cena/fandango .

because why the actual fuck not .

but now, renee collars randy to talk about bray .

lights start dramatically flickering .

randy's like hey dude i know this one .

lights go down, then when they come up, randy's surrounded by an army of sheep .

so he starts attacking them, naturally .

doesn't go well .

some sheep restrain him while bray comes in .

with some kind of weird cross on a stick .

? .

blesses randy, leaves the big cross on his crotch .

then beginneth the sermon .

abigail's power is now inside bray, who has become more powerful than you could ever imagine .

wait, that was someone else .

creepy singing and uncomfortable eye contact, wyatt cut, end .

but now, here comes fandango .

feel the whiplash .

accompanied by tyler, dressed as nikki bella .

have i mentioned how i have no clue what's going on? .

credit to tyler, he's really working it .

fully committing to nikki's entrance .

and here comes cena, with an entrance that will probably be significantly longer than the match .

his choice of shouting this week is lyrics from his entrance music .

cos sure, that's the level of effort everyone's putting in this episode .

fandango has a mic .

god save us all .

taunting john for being a bad boyfriend and wearing jorts .

dear fandango, .

the fuck is that accent .

love, every-fucking-one .

introduces 'breezy bella', john just smirks as the real nikki turns up .

tom tries to commit to the oh my god which one is which thing, jbl and david just immediately rip the shit out of him

.

bell rings, fandango chooses to give cena more tickets instead of fighting .

cena goes straight into his five moves .

five knuckle shuffle, nikki takes down tyler .

then aa and rack attack into stf/fearless lock for the double tap .

so that all happened .

cut back to the car park .

where lurks a southern man in a bad hat .

but up next, becky/carmella .

BUT FIRST .

(i don't know, i just assume there'll be a thing) .

smackdown live, edited by zeno of elea .

natalya is on announce, because there's only one angle in this division .

except if you're nikki bella, then you just get to be in a comedyish segment with your boyfriend .

apparently carmella is a snake in the grass .

mixed tag with randy orton confirmed .

carmella and ellsworth skip down the ramp, and i can't but smile

.

they're still pointedly not giving any details about how the title match is going to work .

jbl tries to derail nattie's promo, she's just like fuck you john i am saying words .

match starts, nattie runs in on carmella basically immediately .

and mickie runs in to show off her new pink flares .

and alexa, with her belt for some reason .

becky lays ellsworth out, cos why not

.

general brawling happens, everyone gets some spots .

you know the drill .

alexa ends up standing over them all with her belt brandished .

because changing the title picture this closs to mania would be gibbering insanOH WAIT .

(fuck you, jey) .

oh god, we have more forbidden bellas up next .

who did we molest in a previous life .

we're sorry, wwe .

please don't make us watch more .

but first, here's neville to promote 205 and his particular brand of northern murder .

this week, he glasses mustafa ali .

oh god, here we go .

pass the gin .

and an icepick .

i would watch this if it was just miz as robot cena, tbh .

i do love miz's comedy work .

if you ever wanted to know what someone who was simultaneously from california and quebec would sound like, here's maryse .

sure, ddp yoga joke .

what the fuck is even happening .

i am just floundering in the face of a relentless tide of insanity rn .

like i say, whenever miz is talking this starts feeling like it might actually be a good skewering of cena's gimmick, but then maryse happens .

we can mock people without it all being about the soap opera angle .

oh thank god, it's over .

apparently cena and nikki will be on talking smack .

but i honestly don't know if i can bring myself to watch that .

but now, renee decides to interview the creeper in the car park .

as soon as she does, shane's car arrives and he has to go and lurk more actively .

except it was actually heath and rhyno .

classic car park bait and switch .

cut to the arena, and here's shane .

shockingly, it turns out that if you publically announce your ambushing plans, it makes them significantly harder to execute .

shane is apparently now looking for aj .

DUDE .

HE TOLD YOU WHERE HE WAS GOING TO BE .

renee tells aj shane's waiting for him, hard zoom on aj's face like dang it foiled again

.

shane is criticising aj's choice of negotiating strategy, but i'm mostly distracted by his weird black eye .

apparently aj "snuck attacked" him .

shane is the embodiment of why you don't give the manager a microphone .

long tracking shot of aj walking through backstage .

goldberg much .

long beat, so let's have some cm punk chants .

this is super long and uncomfortable .

drawbacks of live .

aj gets to the curtain, pauses, makes to turn around but grabs a mic .

and here he comes .

informing us all that they don't want none .

wait, they cut the music before that .

bullshit .

aj wants shane to calm down and look at this rationally .

cos that's likely .

he wants to sincerely apologise and shake his hand .

let's see how well that goes .

shane immediately starts punching .

it was only a question of who was going to do the coldcocking .

so now we have a brawl, in which aj tries to make wrestling a middle manager in his forties look good .

strips the announce table, shane suplexes him .

with his usual concussed cattle expression .

pulls a monitor out of the table, hits aj with it .

gets aj on the table, he lies there while waiting for the spot we all know is coming .

and there it goes .

he didn't even make it properly .

like a foot short .

clearly missed aj entirely and just murdered an innocent table .

but sure, whatever, shane mcmahon jumped off a thing, let's all pop for it .

and then let's replay that shitty elbow from a bunch of angles .

shane recovers enough to point at the sign while weirdly kneeling over aj .

and sure, let's have some more recaps .

and fade on shane walking away from his obligingly fallen foe .

well, that was certainly a setup show .

and it's only going to get worse .

i'd do a funny signoff here, but fuck that, so much wrestling to watch back soon

[williamsdantalion]

High School AU

The moment Dantalion realizes he like likes William. And it’s like probably in school after like one of Astaroth’s classes and she’s like “your concentration is really off, isn’t it. What’s your deal with genius Blondie?” And Dantalion is just like rambling about what he likes about William. And Astaroth stares and he is like “oh god.”

~

Astaroth notices that her boy isn’t paying attention, its not completely unusual for him to space out, considering his ADD but its been half an hour already and he’s sighing and staring at the blond whizzkid with this dreamy look in his eyes. Sighing she grabbed a book and slammed it on his desk. “Dantalion” - “MOM” His voice was squeaky and she had to stifle a laugh. “Detention. “mooooom.” “hush” ~ “So you’re into the whizzkid huh?” His head that previously lied on his arms shot up “Oh shit I am.” Astaroth bursted out laughing. Only her kid. ~

“Baphemot, what should i dooooo?” the Russian snorted, “nothing but drink my friend.” He handed the boy the vodka. “ask me that question when the bottle is empty and i might have another answer.” - 3 hours later-

“Williaaaaaaam.” Solomon lifted his head from the couch, who was screaming while he was doing his after dinner yoga?. “WILLIAAAAMMM COME OUT.” Huffing he shuffled to his baby brother’s room. “You.” He pointed at the boy, who took out his earbuds “You, have company. outside.” William raised an eyebrows. “WILLYBOYYYY”. Wiliam shot up. “no, no nooooooo this cant be happening.” He ran to the window and opened it, outside was Dantalion, somehow looking hot even though he was drunk. He was leaning on Baphomet. “GO AWAY.” “BUT I WANT TO BONE YOU.” Solomon poked his head out of the window, staring stoically at the boys. “I called the police.”

(Baphomet had the good sense to drag Dantalion away and bring him home. to sleep on the couch he had to tell Astaroth the story though, well her wrath was scarier than Dantalion’s, he’d survive that.)

- so like imagining the crew going camping with school. and of fucking course they (William, dantalion Gilles sytry Isaac) have to share a tent. William can handle it, he can i mean its just camping but it appears that Camio and Kevin went a supervisors but it gets worse, Solomon joined "I’m a substitute teacher William, i need to earn my rank.” “I’m a substitute teacher, William. I need to earn my rank.” With these words William’s camping trip was ruined. Well, actually, it already started with “we’re going camping.” William could do much better with his time, honestly. William watched as his older brother made his way over to the other teachers, probably to charm them. Solomon could be such a smart and actually kinda cool guy when he wasn’t listening to _Hit me baby one more time_ while doing his weird ass sun yoga and ruining William’s life. “I’M NOT SHARING A TENT WITH YOU!” William heard Gilles say. The taller teen was pointing at Sytri. “Why can’t I share with my dear Jeanne?” “Because she’s a girl,” Isaac offered and tried to start setting up a tent. At least William was sharing with Isaac too. He knew lots about camping, going on a trip with his parents every other month. “And Sytri isn’t?” “I’m a magnificent being of beauty and-” “Shut up theatre kid,” Gilles interrupted. “I hate camping anyway. I need my beauty sleep and won’t be getting that.” “Why not?” Isaac asked. Before Gilles could answer though, Isaac already sighed. “Right Dantalion.” Dantalion snored. All the time. _loudly_ “Oh please, Dantalion alone would be horrible but William is the problem!” Wait what. “I’m what?” William asked. “The problem.” Gilles nodded, appearing sure of himself. “You’ll study all night long and Dantalion will be all over you which is totally unfair since I can’t share with Jeanne-” “Dantalion will be what?” Ah yes. Exactly William’s words. Except somebody else said them. “Kevin! Camio!” Isaac cheered. “You’re here too?” “As an additional helping hand,” Camio answered, for once wearing the glasses he actually needed. “Now what was that about Dantalion and William?” Kevin spoke up. “Nothing, nothing,” William assured. He honestly didn’t need that discussion again. Nvm that he couldn’t tell if it was worse than Solomon complaining that William and Dantalion weren’t a thing or not. Kevin scowled but let it go. “Fine. Where’s Dantalion anyway?” “Getting firewood for later.” Sytri answered after finally having unpacked all bags. Would all of that even fit into the tent??? “But anyway- any of you saw my make up?” William turned to Camio. “Think I can share with you.” “Sadly no.” “Damn, thought so.” - Still on the camping trip: It’s not a proper school trip without fun activities. Like a treasure hunt in the woods! Fun being that you aren’t surrounded by two drama queens, William’s constitution and hay fever won’t act up, Isaac could read a map and Dantalion would be less hyped and determined to reach the end first and be “The King Of The Forest.” - "Isaac this is the third time we walked past the red mark, give me the card." William normally sounded like a brat but now with his nose clogged, _because who the hell decides camping during spring is allowed, I feel discriminated. _ "No!" The boy pressed the card to his chest and tried to glare. William was to tired to even reply to those * terrifying * eyes. "Maybe if you're so tired, you can ride Dantalion." Gilles sneered at him, William started sputtering immediately. " I-I-I beg your pardon?" " I meant piggyback, lol sytry notice his voice" " that adolescent lifestyle" William huffed. " both of you are a disgrace -" " YES" four pairs of eyes looked at Dantalion, who until now hadn't said much. " I KNOW WHERE TO GO." And with that he took off. " HEY ASSHOLE WAIT UP!" "Sytry a lady doesn't curse like that" " why don't you die Gilles." ~ "I have leaves in places I never ever wanted them, my feet hurt and we are unbelievably lost. Dantalion explain yourself, you SAID YOU KNEW THE WAY." William looked on the edge of a extreme tantrum and Isaac wished Kevin was here. "oops?" Dantalion grinned and scratched the back of his head. "ARGH USELESS." Dantalion immediately pouted while Isaac patted his shoulder. "HACHOO. I HATE YOU ALL. HACHOO" - They ended up being last, Solomon puked because he couldn't stop laughing at William. - "You made me run in designer shoes" "You're sounding like Gilles." "Eh!? I do not! Any-anyway that's not the point. Why were you so dedicated about winning dantalion?" William blinked at him, for the first time this day he wasn't frowning and Dantalion couldn't help but smile at him. "I heard that the winners would get to eat out, since you hated camping I thought you'd like that." William turned into a lovely shade of red but smiled shyly back. "They're so cute" whispered Isaac, while staring at William and Daniëlle. "I'll kill him." "Kevin?!"