#number1martinblackwoodhater

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

ignoring my bias against jmart can we just mention what a terrible fucking ship name it is??? Like... "Jonmartin" being an actual ship name is tragic cmon y'all can do better than that 😒☹️

[kintalkin]

That one Martin Blackwood hate blog is my fucking favorite thing in the world I sometimes go and read his posts and giggle bc omg someone hates me so much he made a BLOG??!?? I am a fictional character what!! I love you number1martinblackwoodhater, you are my favorite person ever Anyways, this is my favorite one of his posts and I occasionally pull it up just to have a laugh:

-Martin(It/They)

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Miku from my culture (hating Martin Blackwood)

(except I didn't finish it and now I gotta post it before the hype fades and no-one gets it ☹️☹️)

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Martin blackwood kinnies the kinda fuckers to describe themselves as "anxiety-filled chaos goblin people pleasers" when it's like... babes I don't know what people you think you're pleasing here???

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

I'll be honest with you all, I hate "Badass and mean but I love him 😜🫣" fanon Martin Blackwood soooo much more than I hate "small tea boy 🥺🥺" fanon Martin Blackwood.

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

loving how Jon's character is like grappling with his humanity and whether or not to cling to it despite everything and just getting so cool, and then Martin's is just that he, like, gets kinda depressed and needs the guy he's been pathetically pining over for years to pay him some attention and then he's just fine again and moves on to being really kinda fucking mean.

Like Jon has had a guy orchestrate an entire plan around marking him for the eyepocalypse or whatever, and Martin's just in the background being a whiney attention seeking little bitch who complains about being treated like he's a nice person and then goes and complains abt "oh no everyone leaves me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺" like yeah bitch i wonder why...

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Just finished ep3 of Malevolent and like it's great but I just have like 2 questions

1: When they talk abt Arthur's partner is it like *partner* partner, because omg why do they just like not use the word colleague or coworker at all?

2: Am I crazy or is there just like the random sound of a dice being rolled sometimes before the one with the eyes speaks ?? Like I swear it just like happens on occasion and it's like... is he playing dnd?? 😨😨 Is he rolling an insight check?? 😰😰

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

why is sam so Martin-like wtf 😨😨

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

this is just so clearly NOT what i want you to take from my posts ever this is everything I stand against 😨

"He's just a small gentle cat" ...No???? He's a grown man ?? And a fucking annoying one at that 😦😦

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Martin blackwood is so weaponized incompetence coded

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

guys do we ever learn what GCSEs Martin took, bc like if we're not told otherwise I am SO gonna assume he took PE.

my guesses

- PE

- RE but in the philosophy section he was the most annoying bitch and the whole class hated him

- Food tech because he wanted to for his mum because she could never teach him how to cook, and then he dropped it because they made him bring in his own ingredients and he switched it for History

- Music except he couldn't play an instrument and he'd just write really bad wannabe edgelord lyrics though he only wrote music for the piano.

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Martin Blackwood is one of those millennial true crime listeners that are so brainrotted with their little hero fantasies that he makes up in his head where he gets attacked and then WOW! He attacks and goes crazyyy. Then he gets arrested for carrying a knife.

Is he a millennial booktook 'dark romance' gooner...? I'm still figuring it out but the vibes are there.

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

What do you like about the magnus archives?

I'm such a lover of the little statements, I'm a Jon fan always, and I like the reoccurring avatars, especially my babe Jared. Also I do like the uniqueness in having them split into the fears - it takes away from the actual horror and fear of the unknown, but I don't rlly mind that tbh 🤷‍♂️

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

ok here’s the real question: if you’re a jmart hater, who *would* you ship with jon?

why would I have to ship anyone with Jon? 😦

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

Okay so it's very clear that you hate Martin, but we don't exactly know who your favorite charecter is soooo, who it be?

Jane, Jared, or Agnes, probably. I also just love Jon he's everything to me 💞💞

Tho tbh my real faves are actually Francis from episode 172 - Strung out, Patricia from episode 171 - the gardener, and Leah from episode 175 - Epoch.

Annabelle Cane would be on the list but she likes Martin too much.

[number1martinkblackwoodhater]

NUMBER1MARTINBLACKWOODHATER PLEASE START MALEVOLENT. PLEASE. I WILL DISlIKE MARTIN EVEN MORE If YOU DO.

omg ok 💞

going to bed rn but I'll start it tomorrow 🙈🙈

All I know is there's some British guy named John and he's blind and he's got like a black goop/shadow monster that like crawls over him and talks to him and maybe has lots of eyes ???