#number one rated salesman circa 1997

[nariblu09]

HEY EVERY! IT'S ME, EVERYONE'S [[numberoneratedsalesman1997]] SPAMTON G SPAMTON!!!11!

A collection of Spamton GIFs I made for fun Feel free to use on Discord or whatever, I've uploaded em to Tenor with the tag 'Marmarmiya'

[interdimensional-warlock-man]

Remember adorably cartoonish Mettaton? Time for Spamton. I tried to draw him more like his actual sprites are and I gotta say, I never realized how big his dome is.

[cryptidofthekeys]

Ya know

ever since I did that poll on the Spam Plush vs Bob Plush

I swear to god ever since Bob lost-

each time I've woken up in the morning, Spamton's nose is a bit crooked or bent ever so slightly

[movedtodykedvonte]

Changing the Number one rated [[House Husband]] circa 1997 au I never talk about to Spamton becoming Cyberworld’s resident big shot salesman AND Sweetheart after getting infused with the ILOVEYOU virus rather than puppetification.

[mousathe14]

I was obsessed with song so I covered it back in March but I'm auditioning for something so I figured I'd use this as part of my audition.

There are some parts that are.... basically impossible towards the end but I did my best. Only part the song I can't memorize.

Lyrics under the cut, you’ll probably want them

VERSE 1

  Woah! If it isn’t a Lightner!

  Hey hey hey!

  Look like you’re [[all alone on a late night?]]

  All your friends [[abandoned you for the slime]] you are?

  Sales gone down the [[drain]] [[drain]]?

  Living in a goddamn garbage can?!

  Haeahaeahaeahaeah!

      Friend, either you're [[closing your eyes]]

  To [[savings]] you do not wish to acknowledge

  Or you are not aware of the calibre of [[discounts]]

  Indicated by the presence of a [[heart shaped object]]

  In your community

      Hey kid, look at you! Right time, right place

  [[Ripe for the picking]] Right money in your pocket!

  You’re so lucky! Very lucky! Oh so very very lucky!

  That you get to be investing in this [[Very Special Product]]

  From everybody’s favorite [[number 1 rated salesman]]

  [[Circa 1997]] Mighty proud to say it! Mighty proud to say it!

  Yes I’m mighty proud to say it! [[Yes sir]]!

      Don’t you want to have a little fun [[little sponge]]??

  Little something to pluck you from the glum humdrum???

  Live comfortably [[capital at risk]] [[yum yum]]

  Listen up! For the offer only comes just once!

  [[Hey chum!]] I can see you’re having violent thoughts

  But don’t you wanna wanna be a be a [[big shot!]]

  [[Enquire today!]] While the secret’s in stock!

  All you gotta do is

  [[Hyperlink blocked]]

      I used to be nothing but the email guy

  Now I’m the [[It burns! Ow! Stop! Help me! It burns!]] guy!

      CHORUS

  We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

  We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

  If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

  We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

      VERSE 2

  [[Are you feeling down?]] [[Have you lost control?]]

  [[Is your life a mess?]] [[Do your friends despise you?!]]

  Well here’s [[one weird trick discovered by a mom]]

  And I’m sure [[number 5 will surprise you!]]

  All you’ve ever dreamed of, shining, glistening!

  Gotta buckle up! Grab life by the [[silly string]]!

  You can have it! You can have it! Say the word, it’s yours!

  Eahaehaehaehaeh! I wasn’t listening

  See it says just here, right here, last year

  On the third of the fourth at five-o-six

  You searched cat pics online [[well that’s just fine]]!

  [[Moist, delicious cookies]]

      Little tippy tap kitty catalyst

  Now we have a list

  And we’ll guess what every habit is

  Wanna buy a cat flap? Cat food? Catchup? Catamaran?

  You’ll be categorically catatonic

  At the catalogue of categories I have at my hands

  A [[cavalcade of all your favorite brands]]

  An advertism schism cataclysm [[cash on demand]]!

  You’d better cancel your plans

  [[Cash for the crackers and the pickles and the flypaper]]!

  Wanna buy a cat plush? Plush toy? Toy box? Box wine?

  Why won’t Mike just call me backgammon?

  Ham and eggs? Egg chair? Chair bed?

  Bed bath? Bath sponge?

  Sponge who hates its [[$4.99]] life boat?

  Boat shoe? Shoestring? String bean?

  Bean bag? Bagpipes? Pipe bomb? Bomber jacket?

  Jackdaw? Doorstop?

  [[Stop! No, please! Don’t take my furniture!]] Stopwatch?

  Watchdog? Dog collar? Colorado?

  Adderall? Ads are all seeping

  Ping pong? Ponchos?

  Choke chains? Chainsaws?

  Swordfish-shish kebab-bobcat?

  [[Do you want a cat or not?!]]

      Well you wanna be a [[big shot!]] don’t you?

  Don’t you wanna be the [[next big thing]]?

  You can do it! Yes it’s true it’s really true

  There’s nothing to it, I can prove it

  Hear the registers ring!

  Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

  You’re kidding? It’s for you

  [[Garbage noise]] Wanna know a secret…?

  [[Hyperlink blocked]]

      [[You too can]] have a [[communion]] with [[unintelligible laughter]]

  Soon I’ll even surpass that damned [[clown around town!]]

      CHORUS

  We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

  We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

  If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

  We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

      VERSE 3

  Holy [[cungadero]] there you [[funky]] little [[worm]]

  You seem unaware of all the money you could earn

  If you wanna get the gold

  Well there is stuff you gotta learn

  Milk the humans of their kindness

  Then there’s [[butter to be churned]]

  You. Want. It. Need. It.

  Don’t. You. See?

  But if you wanna make your screen green

  You’re gonna need my Kromer key

      Yes you’ve got trouble my friend [[whadayatalk?]]

  Right here in Cyber City!

  See I used to be a [[top notch]] [[big shot!]]

  Best deals! Best wheels! Best [[best prices in the tri-state area]]

  But you can get it back! Ha ha ha! Yes you can!

  All you gotta do is follow through my [[twelve step plan]]

  Bigger, bigger, better like the telephone was telling me

  [[You gotta know the territory!]] Spend a hand, lend a grand

      Who’s gonna patronize a little bitty

  Two by four kinda store anymore?

  Gotta go! Gotta get! Gotta get on and go!

  Make a deal! [[Big deal]] [[High score!]] [[Our store is closing]]

  Hot tip! Drop shipping! 4, 3, 2, 1!

  Not skipping offers wired into your inbox

  Swing by the gift shop! Think of the [[big shot!]]

  All this and more, click

  [[Hyperlink blocked]]

      Can anyone hear me?

  Help…

  Mike…

  Mike?

      CHORUS

  We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

  We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

  If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

  We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

      VERSE 4

  [[Insurance!]] Know that I’m the best in policy!

  [[Honestly]] do you want to end in poverty?

  Buddy, I’m the one to help invest it properly!

  I’m here to talk about [[extended warranty]]!

      It’s a super, bumper, liquidation, last chance

  First day, half price, fire sale like never before!

  And it’s there to explore, when you step in the door

  The very model of a modern major general store!

      But the fact is everybody’s gotta have it, gotta have it

  Those who have it really have it

  If you haven’t, well you’ve had it, couldn’t hack it

  Now the haven’ts haven’t had it and the haves are very glad its

  Just the haven’ts that’re lacking what they’re having

  Now the ads have got the traffic

  And we’ve grabbed your demographic

  So you’re packing up your basket

  Cos your dad has gotta have it

  He’ll be sad if you don’t wrap it with a tag, it’ll be tragic

  So you’re manically grabbing at the shelves amid the panic

  Seems that everybody has it, man you really gotta have it

  So you get it, you’re ecstatic, but a crackle in the static

  And the it is out of fashion, just a fad, a piece of plastic

  So you trash it then you get back into your car cos you don’t have it

  And the fact is everybody’s gotta have it, gotta have it

  Those who have it really have it

  If you haven’t, well you’ve had it, couldn’t hack it

  Now the haven’ts haven’t had it and the hads are very glad its

  [[Hochi mama]] what a mouthful!

      In the [[encyclopedia of]] [[being afraid]]

  There ain’t nothing to be scared of till there’s fees to be paid

  There’s deals to be made with [[seasonal savings]]!

  Regional ratings are lethally fading

  Screaming and raving, ceaseless appraising

  [Neat little plate with a needless engraving]

  Legally grey but sweet with the phrasing

  Feet in the grave but gleefully trading

      Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

  Deal so good I’ll [$!$$] myself

  Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

  [Gone with the sugar barrel, pickle barrel, milk pan]

  Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

  I can feel that [smooth taste] already!

  Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

  [[Hyperlink blocked]]

[reaperlou2lou]

My attempt at the number one rated salesman circa 1997, SPAMTON G SPAMTON!!!

[mousathe14]

If you thought I wasn’t doing anything about this obsession of mine about The Stupendium’s Ad Infinitum you would be sorely mistaken

LYRICS

VERSE 1

Woah! If it isn’t a Lightner!

Hey hey hey!

Look like you’re [[all alone on a late night?]]

All your friends [[abandoned you for the slime]] you are?

Sales gone down the [[drain]] [[drain]]?

Living in a goddamn garbage can?!

Haeahaeahaeahaeah!

 Friend, either you're [[closing your eyes]]

To [[savings]] you do not wish to acknowledge

Or you are not aware of the calibre of [[discounts]]

Indicated by the presence of a [[heart shaped object]]

In your community

 Hey kid, look at you! Right time, right place

[[Ripe for the picking]] Right money in your pocket!

You’re so lucky! Very lucky! Oh so very very lucky!

That you get to be investing in this [[Very Special Product]]

From everybody’s favorite [[number 1 rated salesman]]

[[Circa 1997]] Mighty proud to say it! Mighty proud to say it!

Yes I’m mighty proud to say it! [[Yes sir]]!

 Don’t you want to have a little fun [[little sponge]]??

Little something to pluck you from the glum humdrum???

Live comfortably [[capital at risk]] [[yum yum]]

Listen up! For the offer only comes just once!

[[Hey chum!]] I can see you’re having violent thoughts

But don’t you wanna wanna be a be a [[big shot!]]

[[Enquire today!]] While the secret’s in stock!

All you gotta do is

[[Hyperlink blocked]]

 I used to be nothing but the email guy

Now I’m the [[It burns! Ow! Stop! Help me! It burns!]] guy!

 CHORUS

We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

 VERSE 2

[[Are you feeling down?]] [[Have you lost control?]]

[[Is your life a mess?]] [[Do your friends despise you?!]]

Well here’s [[one weird trick discovered by a mom]]

And I’m sure [[number 5 will surprise you!]]

All you’ve ever dreamed of, shining, glistening!

Gotta buckle up! Grab life by the [[silly string]]!

You can have it! You can have it! Say the word, it’s yours!

Eahaehaehaehaeh! I wasn’t listening

See it says just here, right here, last year

On the third of the fourth at five-o-six

You searched cat pics online [[well that’s just fine]]!

[[Moist, delicious cookies]]

 Little tippy tap kitty catalyst

Now we have a list

And we’ll guess what every habit is

Wanna buy a cat flap? Cat food? Catchup? Catamaran?

You’ll be categorically catatonic

At the catalogue of categories I have at my hands

A [[cavalcade of all your favorite brands]]

An advertism schism cataclysm [[cash on demand]]!

You’d better cancel your plans

[[Cash for the crackers and the pickles and the flypaper]]!

Wanna buy a cat plush? Plush toy? Toy box? Box wine?

Why won’t Mike just call me backgammon?

Ham and eggs? Egg chair? Chair bed?

Bed bath? Bath sponge?

Sponge who hates its [[$4.99]] life boat?

Boat shoe? Shoestring? String bean?

Bean bag? Bagpipes? Pipe bomb? Bomber jacket?

Jackdaw? Doorstop?

[[Stop! No, please! Don’t take my furniture!]] Stopwatch?

Watchdog? Dog collar? Colorado?

Adderall? Ads are all seeping

Ping pong? Ponchos?

Choke chains? Chainsaws?

Swordfish-shish kebab-bobcat?

[[Do you want a cat or not?!]]

 Well you wanna be a [[big shot!]] don’t you?

Don’t you wanna be the [[next big thing]]?

You can do it! Yes it’s true it’s really true

There’s nothing to it, I can prove it

Hear the registers ring!

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

You’re kidding? It’s for you

 [[Garbage noise]] Wanna know a secret…?

 [[Hyperlink blocked]]

 [[You too can]] have a [[communion]] with [[unintelligible laughter]]

Soon I’ll even surpass that damned [[clown around town!]]

 CHORUS

We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

 VERSE 3

Holy [[cungadero]] there you [[funky]] little [[worm]]

You seem unaware of all the money you could earn

If you wanna get the gold

Well there is stuff you gotta learn

Milk the humans of their kindness

Then there’s [[butter to be churned]]

You. Want. It. Need. It.

Don’t. You. See?

But if you wanna make your screen green

You’re gonna need my Kromer key

 Yes you’ve got trouble my friend [[whadayatalk?]]

Right here in Cyber City!

See I used to be a [[top notch]] [[big shot!]]

Best deals! Best wheels! Best [[best prices in the tri-state area]]

But you can get it back! Ha ha ha! Yes you can!

All you gotta do is follow through my [[twelve step plan]]

Bigger, bigger, better like the telephone was telling me

[[You gotta know the territory!]] Spend a hand, lend a grand

 Who’s gonna patronize a little bitty

Two by four kinda store anymore?

Gotta go! Gotta get! Gotta get on and go!

Make a deal! [[Big deal]] [[High score!]] [[Our store is closing]]

Hot tip! Drop shipping! 4, 3, 2, 1!

Not skipping offers wired into your inbox

Swing by the gift shop! Think of the [[big shot!]]

All this and more, click

[[Hyperlink blocked]]

 Can anyone hear me?

 Help…

 Mike…

 Mike?

 CHORUS

We’ve got never bettered bargains, we’ve got deals you won’t believe

We can tell you what you want before you realise what you need

If you’ll pardon us the jargon here’s our Darkner guarantee

We take cash or card or credit, but we’ll take your heart for free

 VERSE 4

[[Insurance!]] Know that I’m the best in policy!

[[Honestly]] do you want to end in poverty?

Buddy, I’m the one to help invest it properly!

I’m here to talk about [[extended warranty]]!

 It’s a super, bumper, liquidation, last chance

First day, half price, fire sale like never before!

And it’s there to explore, when you step in the door

The very model of a modern major general store!

 But the fact is everybody’s gotta have it, gotta have it

Those who have it really have it

If you haven’t, well you’ve had it, couldn’t hack it

Now the haven’ts haven’t had it and the haves are very glad its

Just the haven’ts that’re lacking what they’re having

Now the ads have got the traffic

And we’ve grabbed your demographic

So you’re packing up your basket

Cos your dad has gotta have it

He’ll be sad if you don’t wrap it with a tag, it’ll be tragic

So you’re manically grabbing at the shelves amid the panic

Seems that everybody has it, man you really gotta have it

So you get it, you’re ecstatic, but a crackle in the static

And the it is out of fashion, just a fad, a piece of plastic

So you trash it then you get back into your car cos you don’t have it

And the fact is everybody’s gotta have it, gotta have it

Those who have it really have it

If you haven’t, well you’ve had it, couldn’t hack it

Now the haven’ts haven’t had it and the hads are very glad its

[[Hochi mama]] what a mouthful!

 In the [[encyclopedia of]] [[being afraid]]

There ain’t nothing to be scared of till there’s fees to be paid

 There’s deals to be made with [[seasonal savings]]!

Regional ratings are lethally fading

Screaming and raving, ceaseless appraising

[Neat little plate with a needless engraving]

Legally grey but sweet with the phrasing

Feet in the grave but gleefully trading

 Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

Deal so good I’ll [$!$$] myself

Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

[Gone with the sugar barrel, pickle barrel, milk pan]

Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

I can feel that [smooth taste] already!

Feeding the cravings, eat [[little plaything]]

[[Hyperlink blocked]]