#number 1 tum fan

[severus-snaps]

A little sketch I did after reading @faceless-creature's "the undesirable tummy"

[nomaxart]

Happy Birthday, Conway!

Happy 1st Birthday to Conway!

Yep! It is the 1 year anniversary of the release of version 0.01 (or whatever the versions were called back then) Let's have a talk, shall we? February 8th is when I uploaded and released it on itch. Why February 8th you may ask? Well, I had only planned January as an experimental month for myself, with the oil painting and the VN test. So I'd release it on february 1st... And then it, naturally, took longer. But I guess it works out so that we don't have the anniversary right on update release days.

The past 

And yeah, what a year it's been! Thank you to all of you first of all for making this possible. Quite simply it wouldn't be possible without the support of all you generous peeps here. As it turns out, developing a game is a fuckton of work, and if I would need to pay the bills through commission work or what have you there would be no way I'd find the time and energy to work on Conway on the side. And I've mentioned it before in a few places, but for a while around May, June-ish it did look really dicey. The first half of the year I was bleeding about 500-700 bucks a month of my savings. The game didn't really pick up and a good amount of my walks were spent contemplating just when I'd have to see a sign before pulling the plug. End of June? Maybe it's worth to stretch it to July? At the lowest point, we were about a month away from pulling the plug on Conway. But right around that time, the trend in people subbing here started to pick up. While it's only in the past month or two that I've reached the point where I'm not actively bleeding money each month, the trend was the bit I needed to see that maybe people are interested after all!

The present

I've attached the itch stats of the past year. So those of you who would like to have a peek can do so. As you can see, Update 10 was a massive success at least in terms of numbers for the game. Update 9 was already the first one to break the record for downloads that the release day set, but Update 10 got picked up by the algorithms and sat in the most popular furry games for a while. Soooo, yeah, quite chuffed with that spike! We'll see what the long-term effects are, but for now I just enjoy the aesthetic of -BIG SPIKE-. And yeah, the game as a whole is just sitting in a good spot. We've had about 12k downloads in total, around 80k page visits, and a rating of 4.8/5 with 127 ratings (which btw, easy way to help, is to leave a juicy 5* rating on itch. Does wonders for the placement of the game in the different categories on the site, plus it gives me a fuzzy feeling in my tum tum.) It's also been such a joy to see that all characters end up having their share of fans judging by comments and that nobody is left in the dry. Of course, some of them have a bit of an easier time, like Samuel and Julian being the more sociable lot they are, and just the screen time they've had so far. While others like Raj or Arthur are slower burns and even they get some mentions as the favorites of some people, and that just makes me chuffed. Naturally, they're designed to cover different interests and preferences, but I'm always nervous if the characters are good, resonate with people and hope that they can be fun to be around. So any time someone mentions a character it just makes me so goddamn giddy. Some of them will be difficult to handle with grace, and I'm not perfect, so I'm sure for at least one of the main cast what I've planned will fall flat, or I mess it up in some fashion. But fuck it, I'll try. Not everything has been peaches and roses recently though, so I have to admit Updates 10 and 11 have been/are a bit of a struggle. I just messed up planning for my support writers, and it's been more or less just me handling everything for both updates 10 and 11. That's why art has been a bit sparse... Because most of my time is just taken up doing writing duty, and I'm not the fastest writer, unfortunately. Like, at this point, with the game having all the branches and 125k in total word count, the story for the characters and how they've interacted on the two initial days. It makes it a bit more difficult to actually get people on board in a timely manner. I can't just go and say, "Hey, write me a scene where this character and that character are involved, and they do that." Since a new writer knows absolutely zero about all the stuff that's been there before, all the stuff that's planned for the characters and all that jazz. So if one support writer is busy or just has writing block or whatever, it may be, my solution so far has just been going, "Well, shit." :') Not the fault of my writing buddies, of course. They've been absolutely invaluable and I can't offer nearly enough to expect to be the highest priority for them. I'm just happy they want to help out AT ALL for what I can pay them in return. I should have planned contingencies but didn't. Simple as that. So, I've made the decision to bring on another writer in Televassi, and also want to hopefully integrate Robert Baird more again going forward. With more of them willing to help out I will be able to assign things to people as they're available. Which hopefully will avoid me having to do whole updates on my own and take the pressure off of wonderful peeps like Rubric. So yeah, I learned my lesson there, but since it just takes time for people to get familiar with the Conway world and characters, it ended up with me being a bit swamped with EVERYTHING for Updates 10 and 11.

The future

Speaking of what's planned, then? Update 10 closes out day 2, and Update 11 starts after our first time skip. I don't know if you've ever looked at how slow these ships were, but if we ever want to make it to Cape Town, then we'll need those time skips. Not only that, but it also allows for characters to just develop in the meantime, and also their relationship towards the player character. While Characters like Nomax and Julian ended up having some raunchy scenes right away, it wouldn't exactly fit to have others throw themselves at you on day 2. So skipping ahead just keeps things moving, keeps things interesting because we can focus on specific parts more, and just show the development of characters at a more natural pace.

So the next sections are this first post-time skip section that subbed patrons already get a taste of in the WIP update, and then next up on the itinerary will be Morocco. Both sections I'm really stoked about! And I hope you are too. :)

Stretch goals? Patreon did away with them a while back, but we'll just make our own stretch goals, with blackjack and hookers. Just instead of blackjack and hookers, how about we talk Animations?! Hell yeah! I'm no animator, and it's not really a discipline I particularly enjoy either from the times I tried. So, since Patreon is currently about break-even, we can start thinking ahead a little, and I think the first point I want to tackle is some simple animations. Stuff like moving tails, ears, and eyes. Stuff like that.

So how about that, we're currently floating at around 1250 USD a month, and if we're crossing the 1500 USD mark, I'll be holding out my feelers to get these small animations into the game. If you like to contribute to making animations possible, consider supporting the Patreon over here: https://www.patreon.com/Nomax

Possibly animations, an exciting new section of the story, some more v2 character art, some more maritime menagerie characters. Sounds good for a year 2 plan?

I certainly hope so and hope that you all will be along for the ride, as it's been an absolute blast, and I can't thank you enough for making it possible. I just want this thing to be the best it can be for all of you. :)

[murdleandmarot]

9, 8, 2, 20 :3

Sorry this took a while to get to 😭😭😭 I was making unwise financial decisions in a book store

Hi hello!!!!!!!

2. Favorite Song Character: This is SO HARDDDD UGGHHH…..I love them all so much grrrrrr

I’m gonna narrow this down for myself to songs ABOUT a character, and then go from there, because I could argue with myself about this for hours. Because while Macavity slaps, Macavity would slap. Me. In the face. With his claws.

I’m gonna have to be a lil basic and go with Mistoffelees :). I just….love him lots…..and Tugger is always so fucking excited to sing about his special guy…..

8. Favorite Make-up: Oooo good question……I have a couple favorites (that aren’t from 1998 because let’s be honest I could rant about 1998 makeup forever (even though it’s the most subdued)).

Off of the top of my head, Tugger from Hamburg 1991, Jellylorum from Macskák 2001 I believe? (I think it’s Hungary, either in 2000 or 2001), Skimble and Misto from Mexico’s tours in 2013, Macavity from Buenos Aires and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from what I THINK is a Canadian tour.

I’ll put pictures of all these guys under the cut, I ADORE the makeup in these shows, and there are a ton more that I didn’t bring up.

9. Favorite song?: Another hard fucking question 😭😭😭 why would you do this to bestie. I don’t think I can pick a favorite, (the only song I actively am not the biggest fan of is journey to the Heavyside layer, and I STILL cry during it).

I think the song I listen to most as an actual SONG, like in my playlist along with fuckin Mitski or Aurora would have to be The Rum Tum Tugger? It’s just easily digestible, a very vibe worthy song, whereas other fun songs like Macavity are very much a moment, yk? (Shoutout to mungo and rumple, because Ive looped their song for weeks at a time (the German version vibes so hard it’s so good)).

20. Did you see cats live? If so, where?:

I fucking DID and I am mad about it TO THIS DAY. I’m SO mad. I’m not gonna reveal the location because that would be very not good and Internet safe™️, but it was at a theater that housed tours of shows, which means I also got to see Jesus Christ Superstar, Hadestown, Hamilton, the like. Thank god my father is a huge theater nerd.

Anyhow, I saw Cats when I was 13, and I remember loving it, and that I picked up on Misto and Tugger immediately.

And that is ALL I remember. WHY? Because not only was I 13, I was coming down from being an Uber-depressed 12 year old, which means there is a year and a half of my life that is almost ENTIRELY gone. Literally could not have picked a worse time to go to see Cats. Every time I’m reminded that I saw Cats live and literally don’t remember it, I throw myself upon the floor in despair.

Makeup stuff under the cut :))

Tugger, Hamburg 1991, Siegmar Tonk, though you won’t find him on the fandom wiki, even though he’s gorgeous and great, because he’s a swing

(Best quality photos, I could take from the beginning of Mistoffelees :)

So, the production on YouTube with the Jellylorum I’m talking about is named ‘Macskák musical 1. felvonás,’ and has a description in what I think is Hungarian? It says it’s from 2001, and was most likely performed in Budapest, Hungary. I can’t find any gallery images on the wiki, or a record of this production, or who plays THIS version of Jelly, or even if that’s her name in this version. Anyhow, this is she

She looks like a lil clown :)) a lil jester. Also why is there a random guy here??? Because in this production they just bring in Hungarian celebrities randomly and it’s especially funny during Skimbleshanks’s numbers because the guy turns up in a suit, and eventually gets more disheveled as the song goes on. Skimbleshanks and him COMMIT though.

Skimbleshanks, Luigi Vidal, Mexico 2013 and Mistoffelees, Orville Alvarado, also Mexico 2013

(Shoutout to Mexico 2013-2015 in general, it just looks rly cool)

Macavity, Diego Jaraz, Buenos Aires 1993

SIR MARRY ME 🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️💍💍💍

Mungojerrie und Rumpleteazer, Canada, actors and time unknown to me 💔(I know SOMEONE literally told me because I ASKED but I don’t REMEMBER mutual if you recognize these guys PLEASE tell me)

@jennyanypenny I THINK IT WAS YOU PLEASE LMK IF YOU KNOW WHO THESE TWO ARE

(honorable mention to ‘98 Pouncival n Macavity)

[munkustance]

A new look at magic

This is my first try at writing fanfiction so any criticism is welcome, also english is not my first language so sorry for any grammer or spelling errors!

This is a Demeter centric fic however there are some hints towards Tuggoffelees and past abusive demecavity. Other characters are metioned but it´s mostly just Demeter and Misto. Also this fic hints towards Demeter herself having some sort of power but that won't go anywhere... at least not in this fic.

Anyway this is my interpretation on how Demeter found out about Mistoffelees powers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demeter knew there was another magic cat in the junkyard, every now and again she would pick up on the magic scent. At first, she was terrified and rightfully so. The last magic cat she knew was... horrible and not only to her but Bombalurina as well. The way he would use his magic on them was disgusting.

But as the weeks continued and the magic scent became more common, Demeter would notice differences between the two kinds. This new magic was similar to the old but much more energetic then aggressive, less wild, more free. Strong and powerful yes, but not to attack but to defend.

And those times Munkustrap would before notice Demeter grow tense, he would now see her perk up with interest, scanning her eyes over the junkyard seemingly searching for something.

She'd met all the Jellicles by now and one of them had to be it. She already knew about the twins thanks to Munkustrap telling her right from the start, but their magic was nothing like the power this other cat had. She had asked Bomba if she also could feel it but the only answer she got was a simple shrug and reassuring hug. Demeter could understand why the hug must have been necessary in Bombas eyes but for once Demeter wasn't scared, she was curious.

Every time Demeter could feel the magic in the air, she would make a mental note of who was where and soon enough the list of cats narrowed down to just a few cats. The notorious calico twins, the rock star cat himself Rum Tum Tugger and the quiet tuxedo tom Quaxo. Out of all of them one was clearly the one to keep an eye on. Well all of them was really but in different ways.

Now the only thing Demeter needed to do was wait. But not for long. Laying on the tire besides Munkustrap and Jennyanydots she watched as Jemima playfully swooned over suspect number 2 with the other kittens, carefully shifting her head now and again to glance over at suspect number 1 sitting on the boot of the car. She had noticed two weeks ago how when Quaxo slunk away from the rest of the tribe it would only take a minute or two before Tugger would decide he'd had enough of the attention from his fans and then discreetly follow after Quaxo.

Now sure, she definitely wasn't the only one to notice. The kittens would snicker, the adult scoff and Munkustrap groan. Only they thought the two toms did... other things than Demeter. And what do you know, only a few moments after them leaving would she sense the magic again.

Lifting her head again she saw Quaxo stretching his back getting ready to stand, his "signal" to Tugger as Bombalurina would say. As he started to leave Demeter began stretching herself and made her excuses to the two other cats next to her. Quietly before Tugger would leave himself Demeter followed after Quaxo, watching where she stepped careful not to make a sound. He led her to a small clearing not too far away from where they came but one she never seen before. It was hidden in the middle of three big mountains of junk and the way in was barely noticeable. The place itself was no doubt a practice area, there were burn marks on the ground and a bunch of play balls of different sizes scattered around. The burn marks concerned her, it reminded her of her own marks left on her back. It made her want to back away, made her want to leave, to run. But those feelings where quickly laid to rest and replaced with warmth and comfort when the now familiar scent of magic started spreading out into the clearing.

Demeter hid behind a box as she watched how previously hidden fairy lights were lifted up and started glowing beautiful colours. Her eyes shifted towards Quaxo as his fur changed from a greyish black to what might as well be the midnight sky, tiny sparkles shimmering around him as he started his dance. Sometimes he would throw more sparkles in the air or conjure up ribbons straight from his paws. It was as if every step to the dance had a magic trick to it and as the dancing grew so did his powers until the final step. As he made his final pose, he reached his arm up to the sky and let out one singular bolt of lightning.

She flinched, she didn't know how to react. It was all so wonderful but then that bolt. Flashes of her past went before her eyes, fire coming towards her, Bombalurina laying still on the floor, his laugh filling the room.

Mistoffelees knew he had an audience, and he also knew that this time it wasn't the usual loud and eccentric Tugger watching his every step. He knew that this was special not only for him but especially for her. Everyone knew the two queens came from Macavity and had seen the scars on them, but it was clear as day that Demeter had more than just physical scars left by his magic. And so when Tugger and Misto realised Demeter’s slow building curiosity they knew it was a matter of time before she would find out who Quaxo really was. So they waited until she was ready and when Demeter followed Misto, Tugger stayed behind, knowing it was time.

He'd been careful, starting slow with lifting the lights and showing his real fur, adding to his magic every step to make sure she was following without moving too fast. But when the movement ended, he didn't mean to let the bolt out, that was too much, and he knew she wouldn't be ready. Eyes bolting over to her box where she poorly hid, he saw her. Arms over her head, violently scratching herself as she cried. Slowly Mistoffelees made his way over.

Mind going everywhere at once Demeter searched for a way out of the nightmare in her brain and the way out came in the form of a gentle paw on her shoulder. Opening her eyes she was greeted with a concerned smile, taking a deep breath she nodded changing the concern to relief. Brewing a smile of her own she draped her arms over Quaxos shoulders and hugged him.

They stayed there for some time, quietly as they both fell asleep from exhaustion. It was nice now, every time the two toms would leave, she could laugh to herself as the other cats reacted in their own special way and sure, there were times when they would leave and she wouldn't sense any magic. But those times she did Demeter would slink away from time to time, sit by her box and watch in amusement as Tugger would talk to her about all the amazing things he had seen Mistoffelees conjure up and how oh so amazing he was. It helped her relax and made her be more comfortable with magic every time.

[techygeeks]

Exploring the Timeless Melodies of Maine Pyar Kiya

When it comes to Bollywood classics, Maine Pyar Kiya holds a special place in the hearts of music lovers. Released in 1989, this romantic drama not only became a blockbuster but also gifted us with an unforgettable musical album that continues to resonate with fans across generations. The movie's soundtrack, composed by the legendary Raamlaxman and penned by Asad Bhopali, is an epitome of melody, romance, and heartfelt lyrics.

Here’s a closer look at the magic behind the songs of Maine Pyar Kiya:

1. "Dil Deewana"

This soulful ballad perfectly captures the essence of young love. Sung by Lata Mangeshkar and S.P. Balasubrahmanyam, the duet version is a lyrical conversation between two hearts. Its solo renditions, one by Lata ji and the other by S.P. Balasubrahmanyam, showcase the individuality of each character’s emotions.

The song's orchestration, enriched with flute interludes and rhythmic beats, makes it a timeless melody that remains fresh even today.

2. "Kabootar Ja Ja Ja"

A playful and iconic number, "Kabootar Ja Ja Ja" is synonymous with the youthful exuberance of the film's protagonists. While its lyrics narrate the exchange of love letters through a pigeon, the catchy tune ensures that the song is a mainstay in Bollywood music history.

3. "Aate Jaate Hanste Gaate"

This is the song of serendipity, capturing the sweet moments of two souls destined to meet. S.P. Balasubrahmanyam’s velvety voice brings out the charm of this melody. The visuals of Salman Khan and Bhagyashree walking in scenic locations add a layer of nostalgia for fans of the film.

4. "Mere Rang Mein Rangne Wali"

Who can forget Salman Khan serenading Bhagyashree in this visually stunning song? Inspired by the rhythm of Western ballads, this track blends Indian and Western musical styles seamlessly. It’s an ode to the overwhelming emotions of falling in love.

5. "Tum Ladki Ho"

A lighthearted duet that teases and celebrates the quirks of romance. The conversational tone of this song, coupled with its infectious rhythm, makes it a fun addition to the album.

6. "Maine Pyar Kiya (Title Track)"

A relatively understated yet profoundly emotional track, this song delves deep into the themes of love and loyalty. Its subtle instrumentation and meaningful lyrics make it a gem that fans revisit when reminiscing about pure, unconditional love.

As a regular segment on Ruh Radio (1440 AM), we dive into such evergreen albums, sharing the stories behind their creation and reliving the memories they evoke. Whether you’re tuning in on a lazy Sunday morning or during a late-night drive, the songs of Maine Pyar Kiya are guaranteed to make you hum along.

Why These Songs Matter Today

In a world dominated by fast beats and electronic rhythms, the simplicity of Maine Pyar Kiya's soundtrack is a gentle reminder of the power of meaningful music. It serves as an example of how melodies and lyrics, when crafted with heart, can transcend time and trends.

So, the next time you want to take a trip down memory lane, tune in to Ruh Radio 1440 AM, and let these enchanting tunes from Maine Pyar Kiya transport you to an era of innocent, magical love.

Let the music play, let the memories linger.

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[delivermytuneo6]

The Unifying Power of Music - Hits That Last Forever

Music has a profound ability to connect people, transcending language, geography, and cultural barriers. From melodies that evoke nostalgia to beats that energize us, music is an integral part of our lives. Whether it’s a love ballad or an empowering rap anthem, the stories told through music remain with us for generations. This article delves into some timeless tracks and modern hits that exemplify music’s unifying power.

Main Body

1. The Timeless Allure of the Greatest Love Songs of All Time

Love songs have a unique place in our hearts, capturing the essence of romance and longing. The greatest love songs of all time like “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers or “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley continue to resonate across generations. These tracks not only evoke deep emotions but also provide a glimpse into the timeless nature of love itself. These songs often feature universal themes of passion, sacrifice, and devotion, making them relatable to listeners everywhere. From the soulful crooning of Frank Sinatra to Whitney Houston’s powerful ballads, the greatest love songs remind us of love’s enduring beauty.

2. Creating the Perfect Playlist with Top Love Songs

While the classics will always have a place in our hearts, the modern era has given us new anthems for love. The top love songs by contemporary artists such as Ed Sheeran, Adele, and John Legend are perfect for romantic moments. Songs like “Perfect” and “All of Me” beautifully balance heartfelt lyrics with soothing melodies, making them a staple for weddings and intimate evenings alike. These tracks often explore the complexities of modern relationships, offering fresh perspectives on love. With their relatable themes and captivating rhythms, the top love songs of today ensure that the magic of romance continues to thrive in every generation.

3. The Energy and Storytelling in Hanumankind Big Dawgs

For fans of hip-hop, few tracks are as electrifying as Hanumankind Big Dawgs. This track not only exemplifies lyrical brilliance but also highlights the evolution of Indian rap. Hanumankind’s music is a testament to how hip-hop can transcend mere entertainment, serving as a medium for storytelling and cultural expression. “Big Dawgs” stands out for its dynamic beats and thought-provoking lyrics, showcasing Hanumankind’s unique ability to merge traditional rap elements with innovative sounds. It’s a track that speaks to the aspirations and struggles of today’s youth, making it a powerful anthem for self-expression and empowerment.

4. Marshmello Songs - The Global Soundtrack of Fun and Reflection

Marshmello, with his iconic marshmallow helmet, has redefined electronic dance music (EDM) with his genre-blurring tracks. Songs like “Happier” and “Alone” have cemented his place as a global sensation. Whether you’re dancing the night away or reflecting on life’s moments, Marshmello songs offer something for everyone. His collaborations with artists like Bastille and Khalid have further expanded his reach, making his music a staple on playlists worldwide. What sets Marshmello apart is his ability to craft music that resonates with a diverse audience, blending infectious beats with relatable themes.

5. Bollywood’s Musical Brilliance with the Top 10 Hindi Songs

India’s Bollywood industry is renowned for its vibrant and diverse music. The top 10 Hindi songs showcase the perfect blend of traditional melodies and contemporary beats. Tracks like “Tum Hi Ho” and “Kala Chashma” have captured the hearts of millions, becoming anthems for both romance and celebration. Hindi songs often carry deep cultural significance, weaving stories of love, joy, and heartbreak. Their appeal lies in their ability to connect emotionally with listeners while delivering unforgettable rhythms. From romantic ballads to high-energy dance numbers, Bollywood continues to set the gold standard for cinematic music.

Conclusion

Music is more than just a form of entertainment—it’s a universal language that unites us through shared emotions and experiences. Whether you’re swaying to the greatest love songs of all time or getting hyped with Hanumankind Big Dawgs, every track has a story to tell. Similarly, artists like Marshmello prove that music can bridge genres and generations, while Bollywood’s top hits continue to define the soundtrack of life for millions.

What’s your go-to song or genre? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let’s celebrate the unifying power of music together!

[alicepooryorick]

First off like, I am sorry for being so aggressive. I definitely could have put this post in more intelligent words, but I was getting really frustrated.

While I'm all for popular characters, I'm tired of how much Tim appears everywhere. I have a post from a while back that is a video of me scrolling for a good minute through a non-tum Drake tag and all you can see is the "this post is blocked BC it contains #tim Drake" a lot of the DC fandom is unusable if you don't want to constantly see him. But that's not the primary issue! If it was just a silly little guy I'd be fine, but I want you to understand something I really should have put in this post which is that before this I had ran into 5 different tiktoks within 20 minutes preaching about how Damian Wayne is bad because he's robin and Thats Tim's Title Only™ and anything that takes him away from that is BAD. SO DAMIAN IS BAD. It's like vegans or Christians to me, not all Tim Drake fans are this, most don't feel the need to drag every other character around him to boost Tim. But at the same time, like Christans and evangelicals, no other characters fans drag other characters through the mud quite like some Tim fans. I want to make this clear, I like him in a lot of the comics he's best known for! I just am tired of seeing him in every tag for DC. I'm tired of seeing Tim Stans (I'm going to use this terminology for the "evangelical Tim fans") infantilize Cassandra Cain. I'm tired of them moaning about how Damian replaced Tim. I'm tired of hearing he gets no love when DC is constantly pushing him. I'm tired of them demonizing Steph for breaking up with him (yes, this has happened more than I'd like.)

I want to like Tim, I enjoy the original young Justice! I own a lonely place of dying 1-5 and am actively looking for number 6. I think many aspects of his character are fascinating, how he's really the impulsive robin who rarely asks if he should do something before doing it. I love the conflict between him and his future self! Young Justice is probably my second favorite team after the JSA. BUT I like other characters, and he's begun to feel like Taylor Swift. I'm sick of him being everywhere. I'm tired of how many times I deal with my favorite characters being treated like I treated Tim here.

Again, specifically to you, sorry for the aggression. I'm a big believer in the golden rule but I do appreciate your calmness in response.

*starts the clown music* my TIKTOK feed is hating on Damian Wayne, my favorite main robin. Yay. Gotta love how he's... Biologically Bruce's... The replacement to Tim and... Bad vibes.

I fucking hate this shut up. This is why I hate Tim at this rate is because I want to get as far away from these fans as possible. Breaking news: Tim stole the title too. Also Tim wasn't even the first person to figure out Bruce's identity. That was Barbara. Cass did it too. Carrie Kelley kinda did it in her own way ffs. I get you're upset that white guy got snubbed, but that's what happens with legacy characters. They get replaced. "he really didn't get the love" oh, and how many runs has he had compared to the other Robins? How has he been allowed to be robin? Maybe he could be an interesting character if y'all would let him fucking grow up but no. He has to be the robin because he's the one rich white guy in the goddamn pantheon. Imagine if people acted this way about Steph. I'm so tired of Tim Drake as a character I wish I could just go delete him from continuity and replace him with Carrie Kelley. "oh but his Robin run only lasted 100 issues" have you ever heard of "women" before? Batgirl 2000 didn't get that far. That's arguably one of the greatest runs in Batfam history. Tim Drake has had constant representation while I don't know when Steph will appear as a main character again. Shut up shut up shut up. I can't scroll through most DC tags BC half the stuff has #tim Drake for some goddamn reason.

[lewdlemage]

meet MIKU live backstage in person!! (just sneak past the guards!)

Patreon

[bombatuggoffelees]

Bombalurina getting some love from her number 1 fan!

Sally Frith as Bombalurina

George Hinson as Rum Tum Tugger

[jelliclekay]

why do you like Tuggerteazer? No hate only curious since I don't see that pairing much

OKAY SO LIKE I have lots of asks I still gotta answer and even though I just got this ask, I'm gonna answer it now because I wanna spread the Tuggerteazer word.

First, Teazer is canonically attracted to Tugger. We see her in 98 in the background fangirling all during Rum Tum Tugger (being stopped by Skimble at first from joining in on the fun).

But in productions where Electra is cut, Teazer is usually given the role of the screaming fangirl.

Everyone's headcanons are different, but I hc Teazer as being roughly the same age as Tugger, only a few years younger. So Teazer is the closest fangirl to his age, meaning they've likely known each other for awhile and are super close. I like to think she's always had a big crush on him since they were kittens together and the crush never left.

There's another small moment in 98 that is way in the background but every time I see it my heart stops. It's right before Plato lifts Victoria where Tugger and Teazer are doing this in the back.

It's so intimate!! Their faces are so close, you can see how comfortable they are with each other and it's super low pixel, but it really looks like Tugger is gently holding her face in his hands.

Tugger and Teazer also had lots of moments together in Vienna! She's his number 1 fan and they love each other, thank you.

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Cats 1998: What Is Kittens Part One

So, this is actually more of a way of determining the various age groups of characters. It’s more than just kittens and adults. There are several different subcategories.

I’ll start by saying that different sources perceive Electra, Etcetera, George, Jemima, Mistoffelees, Mungojerrie, Plato, Pouncival, Rumpleteazer, Tumblebrutus, and Victoria as kittens. All of them come across as “baby” sometimes and none of them seem to recognize Grizabella. In some other productions, but usually not 1998, Alonzo, Coricopat, and Tantomile are also seen as “baby”. But, they’re all over the place.

Part 1: Gumbie Cat

So, everyone gets in place for the first musical number. Bomba, Demeter, and Jellylorum get in place to sing as the Gumbie Trio, while Munkustrap gathers everyone else in a loose circle around him:

Mistoffelees, who is about to embarrass himself, is also standing. Etcetera, Victoria, Electa, Jemima, and Mungojerrie are on one side, while Rumpleteazer, Cassandra, and Alonzo or on the other. Further in the back behind Alonzo are Plato and Tumblebrutus, while Coricopat and Tantomile are in the far back, in front of the car. Munk acts like he’s putting on a show for the kittens here, but several cats that are not considered kittens are also there. Also, George and Pouncival are missing. There’s always at least one missing. This is what happens when you try herding cats.

Now, jump from the beginning of the number to the end:

A bunch of cats congratulate Jenny on her performance. This includes the Gumbie Trio, with Jellylorum just offscreen, as well as Skimble and Asparagus. These are The Adults. Munkustrap also goes into this category. Asparagus, Bombalurina, Demeter, Jellylorum, Jennyanydots, Munkustrap, and Skimbleshanks are the responsible adults of the group. Jenny, Jelly, Skimble, and Asparagus come across as a bit older than the other three.

The other adult characters, as well as most of kittens and maybe kittens were part of the Beetles Tattoo and are either hanging around in the background or offstage changing. So, there’s a reason why Alonzo, Cassandra, and the Psychic Twins are missing.

Part 2: The Rum Tum Tugger

I don’t have any screenshots for this one, since I don’t feel like I really need them.

Tugger is a controversial figure among the Jellicle Cats, especially the older ones. So, his presence sorts everyone into groups.

Out of the characters usually considered adults, Bombalurina, Cassandra, and the Twins all like Tugger. In most productions I’ve scene, Demeter is also a Tugger fan, but in this production, she’s not comfortable with him. Meanwhile, Munk and Alonzo are Not Amused, but they’re calm about it. They mostly wait out the number in the background. Strangely, Alonzo is part of Tugger’s group at the ball, so maybe his feelings are a bit more mixed.

Skimble, Jelly, Jenny, and Asparagus, the oldest of the adults, are all some combination of enraged, disgusted, and horrified by Tugger’s antics. Skimble even tries to stop some of the younger cats from joining.

As for the younger characters, almost all of them love Tugger. He’s their rockstar. Mungojerrie is absent during the number, for some reason. This is odd, because he’s usually in it, often trying to copy Tugger’s moves. Here, Jerrie and Teazer, still in Beetle costumes, see Tugger show up and they both run offstage. Teazer later comes back, but Jerrie doesn’t. Maybe he did something to piss Tugger off the other day.

The only young cat against Tugger is Mistoffelees, who rolls his eyes and calls him a bore. He spends the rest of the number sulking in the corner. After the number, during the instrumental reprise, Misto gets up and joins the dance party. The older cats chase Tugger around, trying to shut everything down, and Skimble stops by Misto and seems very disappointed in him, but he no longer cares. The order of events makes it look like Misto got annoyed with Tugger for kicking a ball at him, and generally just finds him annoying, and he wants the approval of the adults, so he insults Tugger and storms off. But, when Tugger gathers his fans, pelvic thrusts in their faces, and shows off his ass, Misto pays attention, though he might’ve just been annoyed by the girls screaming. And immediately after that display, Misto joins the party. Was he convinced that Tugger isn’t a terrible bore by watching his ass? 

Anyway, the young people love Tugger, the older adults don’t, and the ones in-between are split. Tugger himself plays of Bombalurina on equal footing. He isn’t just another fangirl. That means they’re probably the same age, so Tugger’s one of The Adults.

So:

Adults: Asparagus, Bombalurina, Demeter, Jelly, Jenny, Munk, Skimble, Tugger

Younger Adults?: Alonzo, Cassandra, Coricopat, Tantomile

Kittens/Maybe Kittens: Electra, Etcetera, George, Jemima, Misto, Jerrie, Plato, Pouncival, Teazer, Tumblebrutus, Victoria

By connecting with the adults and going against Tugger, Misto might be a little older than some of the others.

This turned out to be way more exhausting to write than I thought, so I’m splitting this into parts. Part Two should at least cover Grizabella and Bustopher.

[phoebe-delia]

please give me a rant on Cats ily btw

Hi nonnie! Omg ily too, thank you! And thank you for this ask, because ooohh boy do I have feelings about this adaptation.

First of all, I have a few disclaimers to make:

1. I love the actual musical. Yes, I know the show is very controversial--either you love it or you hate it--but I grew up on "Cats." I loved it, and the book of poems it's based on. So for those looking for a rant about the lack of plot or criticizing the show itself, this post isn't for you.

2. I'm not even going to address the CGI other than to say....that was a choice. I think the critics and social media have done plenty to criticize it, and I won't say more about that fever dream on 'shrooms.

3. There were two aspects of the movie I enjoyed: Jennifer Hudson singing "Memory" and Taylor Swift's appearance; though even the presence of my favorite artist of all time was not enough to redeem this movie.

And for you, nonnie, I rewatched both the trailer and The Rum Tum Tugger song. I will be sending you the bill for my therapy <3 ;)

Now, onto the good stuff.

I'll start with the casting. Something that a ton of movie musical adaptations do is stunt-cast big names to draw audiences because they're afraid that people won't want to see a movie musical. This happened in the "Les Miserables" movie, and while big-name choices like Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron-Cohen, and even Hugh Jackman had varying degrees of success, Russell Crowe as Javert was an obvious flop.

People like Jackman, Meryl Streep, and more recently James Corden have been cast in all these movie musicals because they're famous enough to get the average person into the theater. But, God, at what cost? I mean honestly, the only instance in which I think stunt casting truly worked was in the "Chicago" movie, which I firmly believe is the best movie musical adaptation ever made. (But that's another post.)

But please for the love of God can we start casting people with singing talent in musicals? Please? I'm begging.

Anyway, I digress. My point is: casting big names--even distinguished, incredible actors like Sir Ian McKellen and Idris Elba and Dame Judi Dench--will not save a movie musical from being shitty.

But here's probably my biggest problem: the acting itself.

Almost every single character was just the actor's personality projected into it. With the exception of the two previously unknown actors, it just felt like the characters were simply the actors dressed in costume and being a weird, exaggerated version of themselves. Little attention seemed to be paid to the actual characterization of the cats.

I think what hurt the most for me, personally, was Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger. Oh, ouch, this one was painful because growing up I was a huge fan of the character. To be fair to Derulo, it is nearly impossible to follow in the footsteps of Terrence Mann. I mean, he played both Tugger and Javert in the original Broadway casts of Cats and Les Mis respectively--he's a musical theater giant.

But with Derulo, Tugger became...weaker and kinda one-dimensional. Rum Tum Tugger is flamboyant and funny, sort of like Elvis or Mick Jagger. He's larger than life, and Derulo just made him kinda sleazy without the high energy. I will say--his take on the iconic ending riff was good; he hit the right notes while still making it his own. Derulo is clearly talented, but I don't think he was well cast in this role.

Honestly, I think "Cats" should never have been adapted. Even if it pleased every die-hard fan of the show and did everything perfectly, it's so controversial and polarizing among theater fans that there's little chance that a non-theater fan is going to even see it--let alone enjoy it. The musical itself is kind of insane; it's an acquired taste, and it's not for everyone.

The moral of the story is, in my humble opinion, if you can't use the film genre and tools to enhance the story (or at least match the quality) then do a professional shot of it on stage, and either way, hire talented, diverse, unknown theater actors who can sing.

*sigh.* Alright, end of rant. Honestly, thank you nonnie this was cathartic. I think we can call it even on the therapy bill ;)

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[fizzingwizard]

in other news.

Little joys in my life: the 2016 revival of Cats and that I got to see it on Broadway. Because it was REALLY GOOD. Some people complained about choreography changes but I personally liked nearly all of them as much as previous versions. The cast was phenomenal. And I loved watching What’s New Pussycat? on Youtube, which the cast (led by Tyler Hanes, aka Rum Tum Tugger) filmed leading up to the premiere.

Then I had the, uh, opportunity to see the 2019 film, which I HELD ON to optimism about until the last possible second. I really wasn’t going to be hard to impress. When something you love that no one around you particularly loves gets the star treatment... it’s exciting. I was willing to forgive it all kinds of mistakes if it did three things:

1) keep the “performance” the star, because at its core Cats is a celebration of dance and music, way more than it is a show about cats

2) preserve the cuteness and quirkiness of the characters, which is mainly seen in what’s going on in the background of each number

3) find a way to fix the transition from glamour cat to bustopher jones because that is the only thing from the original show I actually can’t stand x’D it’s so awwkard

SO... did the movie manage any of these things?

well, I’ve bitched about it in the past, so I won’t here, but in sum... NO, no it did not, and it was so shockingly bad in myriad other ways it’s just... an insult.

So recently I’ve been watching videos by various Youtubers who watched the movie. It’s cathartic. I expected to be insulted by them inevitably making fun of Cats itself, but the ones I watched all seemed like they were either fans themselves or at least fans of storytelling and performance enough not to sneer at something just because it’s not your standard Disney production. They each did a pretty good job breaking down all the reasons the 2019 movie is batshit and comparing it with what truly works about the stage show. My favorite was this video by Sideways which focuses on the music but does a lot of general commentary too. I was nodding along YES, YES THAT the whole time.

The only thing I really had to say in critique of these reviewers was: although their comparisons to the stage show were largely accurate, it was clear most, if not all, of the ones I watched had either never seen live, were relying exclusively on the 1998 DVD recording, or had only seen one performance. And I guess, normally, the latter wouldn’t matter, but the thing with Cats is: it changes every time you go. From the very beginning it’s been a very flexible show. You might think something is set in stone, but then find some random performance somewhere that did it different. And don’t even get me started on stages outside the US and UK - they do their own thing with abandon sometimes. Japan’s show is lovely but really Disney-fied in my opinion. I most like the performances that embrace the punk aesthetic from the 80s.

For example, one reviewer was expressing confusion by Mistoffelees in the 2019 movie. Why is Mistoffelees so shy and awkward? Why can’t he do proper magic? he wondered. If you watched the 1998 DVD, you might get the sense that Mistoffelees is a great magician. In some performances, he does seem that way. But in MANY, he’s not. There are performances where he fails several times to save Old Deut and where Tugger visibly encourages him, or even reacts to his failures. There’s an amazing French performance on Dailymotion where Mistoffelees never speaks and communicates via body language to Tugger. So the movie actually kind of got it right by making Mistoffelees shy and unpracticed! They didn’t have to, but they did. It’s usually endearing... it could have been in the movie if they uh, hadn’t ruined it in so many other ways, and then absolutely eviscerated Mistoffelees’s song... :8

Another thing a reviewer seemed confused by was Gus singing his own song in the movie instead of Jellylorum, but there are stage performances where that’s how they did it too. And another guy was surprised by the inclusion of Growltiger who he’d never heard of. That’s no surprise since most modern performances rarely included both Growltiger and The Pekes and the Pollicles - usually they’ll pick one and forego the other, for length I guess. So if you’ve only seen the DVD, you probably don’t know about Growltiger, because the DVD chose to skip it. (Gus only mentions it briefly in his soliloquy.)

Basically, Cats was a really long running show, and a really unusual one. It’s constantly changing. You can’t know it by seeing it once and you DEF can’t know it just by watching the DVD. That’s the fun of Cats... always being surprised. It’d be crazy to expect casual fans to spend lots of time digging up old performances *cough* I did because I’m nutty like that but it’s unreasonable to expect of everyone *cough*. However, if you’re gonna then go make a review video... you might want to do a tad more research first :P

Or not. Since, ultimately, the movie was so bad that even the broadest comparisons with the sage show hold up. Lol.

[the-voltage-diaries]

Music Shuffle Tag~ 🎶

TASK: It’s easy, all you have to do is put your music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs. Feel free to add in some personal liner notes if you’re inclined!

First off, thanks a lot for the tag, @lin-ful ! <3

Secondly, I’m kind of stuck because I listen to two playlists on repeat, both have a large number of songs and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to compile them... or maybe I’m just too lazy to google it. So what we’re gonna do is make two versions of it, and lmao that’ll just give you more fun stuff to binge listen to if you wish~

List 1: K-pop

This playlist is basically my K-pop music. Some honorable mentions that couldn’t make the list: Oh My God (G-IDLE), Monster (Irene x Seulgi), Way Back Home (SHAUN), Chica (Chung Ha).

1. Heel - NO:EL, Loco

I recently added this to my playlist bc @some-ikemen-snob recommended it and her recommendations are the shit 😎 . And this song IS the shit. So, yeah. 

2. Say My Name - ATEEZ

I remember hearing this song while randomly scrolling through youtube, and I recall when I saw it pop up for the nth time in my recommendations I was baffled at the hype it had, and then I finally heard it and bam now it’s in my playlist.😅

3. Touch - NCT 127

This song is so cute, and the choreography too! I’m absolutely obsessed with the choreography at the “Na na nananana” part, it’s addicting to watch. 

4. Beautiful Goodbye - Chen

Chen’s voice, I mean do I even need to say anything more?

5. Playboy - EXO

This song does things to me. I mean, the way Kai whispers “Play... boy” or rather half moans half groans should be declared illegal. 😉

6. Dinner - Suho, Jane Jang

I love the music and how well both their voices blend in with it. It’s one of my favourites, for sure. ❤️

7. HIP - MAMAMOO

This was the first ever song of MAMAMOO’s I ever heard, and dare I say I fell for Hwa sa after that. I mean have you seen that woman? And the rest too, of course. Such badasses.

8. My Love - Baekhyun

I love his voice so, so much ❤️ ! This song is so calming, so peaceful. It’s the kind of music I would play when I’m stressed, when I’m out, when it’s raining and basically the point is why would you stop playing this?

9. Stay With Me - Chanyeol, Punch

I needn’t explain my obsession love for this song, need I? This song is loved by almost everyone I know who watches K-dramas (even if they don’t listen to Kpop), and that’s because it is indeed such a great song! If you haven’t heard it yet, do give it a try~ 💕

10. 무제(無題) (Untitled, 2014) - G-DRAGON

If you dislike this song, we’re gonna have problems. It’s a masterpiece, one of G-dragon’s most amazing works 💙 . It’s... yeah, I have no words to describe how beautiful this song is.

List 2: Bollywood Classics

Grab a cup of tea, sit down and plug in your earphones. Close your eyes and just let the music take over you, because this is gonna be good.🤭

Honorable Mentions [DO CHECK THEM OUT IF YOU LIKE THE SONGS IN THE PLAYLIST]: Aa Chal Ke Tujhe (Kishore Kumar), Mein Shayar Toh Nahi (Shailendra Singh), Babuji Dheere Chalna (Geeta Dutt), Abhi Na Jao Chod Kar (Asha Bhosle, Mohammed Rafi), Bade Achhe Lagte Hain (Amit Kumar), Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein (Lata Mangeshkar, Mukesh).

1. Lag Ja Gale Se Phir - Lata Mangeshkar

This song is one of the most popular ones when it comes to classics, and I don’t doubt it because Lata Mangeshkar’s voice is so, so, so sweet and so perfect damn 💜 . Also it’s from a black and white movie and it’s still pretty popular so I hope that speaks for itself? lmao

2. Aaja Sanam Madhur Chandni Men - Lata Mangeshkar, Manna Day

Can you tell Lata Mangeshkar was a popular singer of those times? Her voice is so amazing I swear. And this song’s lyrics and tune is so catchy. Again, it’s from a black and white movie.  🤭

3. Aap Ki Ankhon Mein Kuch - Lata Mangeshkar, Kishore Kumar

Kishore Kumar is SUCH A CLASSIC. He’s a legend, and if my playlist hadn’t brought up one of his songs I’d have sued Spotify. That said, Kishore Kumar was and Indian playback singer, actor, music director, lyricist, writer, director, producer and screenwriter. Need I say more about this man? Also, this song’s lyrics are so respectful and deep, I love those times. 

4. Chala Jata Hoon - Kishore Kumar

Kishore Kumar with his voice, and Rakesh Khanna with his acting for such a powerful duo. You’ll find many more of his songs in this list, most probably. My mom introduced me to Kishore Kumar’s music (She’s a hardcore fan btw) and I haven’t looked back since. Proudly so. <3

5. Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Naata Koi - Kishore Kumar, Sushma Shrestha

Sharmila Tagore was a beauty, no doubt. And this song has two versions. I’ll link the other one here. Can you tell I’m basically speechless and have no idea how to form sentences with have a flow?

6. Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho - Jagjit Singh

The main lyric basically translates to “Why are you smiling so much? What’s is this pain that you’re hiding? You’re smiling so much.” and if that isn’t meaningful, I don’t know what is. Moreover, Jagjit Singh’s voice is so soothing to the ears, I could listen to this song every day and never get tired of it.  🥰

7. Yeh Sham Mastani - Kishore Kumar

Can you guess who the actor is? Damn straight, it’s Rajesh Khanna. I need help 😅 I love Kishore Kumar’s voice so much hELp.

8. Ek Ajnabee Haseena Se - Kishore Kumar

Yes, it’s Rajesh Khanna who’s the actor, yet again. Moreover, this song is so beautiful, so awesome, so pretty, so everything I LOVE IT SO MUCH GAH.

9. Pyar Hame Kis Mod Pe - Kishore Kumar, R. D. Burman, Bhupinder Singh, Sapan Chakraborty, Gulshan Bawra

I kid you not my heart did a little flip when I checked out the youtube video to add the link and saw Amitabh Bachhan 🤭 😂 . Amitabh Bachhan now looks sophisticated and classy, but the Amitabh in his younger days looked so freaking handsome I’m deceased, and I need help. Oh sweet lords, and this song. This song is everything, such deep voices, the lyrics, the beats, this song is EVERYTHING and if you hate this we’re gonna have problems. Also Amitabh Bachhan OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO NICE

10. Zindagi Kaisi Hai Paheli - Manna Day

Spotify did me good, not gonna lie. It literally saved the best for the last. ❤️ This song is one of my absolute, ultimate, top favourites and that’s because Manna Day’s voice does justice to everything, Rajesh Khanna, the lyrics, the song, us, everything. It’s so pleasing and a complete joy to listen to.

Bonus: Na Tum Hame Jaano - Hemant Kumar

It’s beautiful. I had to. That’s it. ❤️

Ahhh this was so much fun! I had such a good time starting my day off with some of my favourites, so thanks a lot for the tag again, Lin!

I’m gonna tag: @joaxotome , @bakutae , @bibbletae , @voltage-vixen , @awesomeallseeingeye , @otome-writer51 , @redninjakitty14rp , @rougepetale , @rhionhatter , and @anyone else I forgot or anyone who wants to do this!

You don’t have to do this if you don’t feel like it <3

[starlene]

Hot musical characters, top 4, as voted by 40 or so Finnish musical fans on the podcast Twitter poll:

1. Judas (JCS)

2. Velma (Chicago)

3. Graf von Krolock (Tanz der Vampire)

4. Florence (Chess)

I suspect number 4 is for the simple fact that everybody has a crush on the actor who played her in Finland, not for any inherent hotness of the character... and also because she was against Rum Tum Tugger earlier, so I guess everyone who didn’t want a furry character to win voted for her.

I also suspect that if, for some reason, I have to come up with one more way to extol the hot virtues of Judas, my brain is going to crawl out of my ear, shrivel up, and die.

[icannotreadcursive]

Cats 2019, Dir. Tom Hooper

Overall Quality ⭐️1/5

Entertainment Value ⭐️1/5

Story ⭐️1/5

Visuals and Craft ⭐️⭐️2/5

There is so much potential for artistic and cinematic greatness in a modern, high budget film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's beloved, though admittedly peculiar, musical Cats. Tom Hooper's attempt squanders every drop of that potential. I expected it to be bad, just based on the trailer. I was prepared for it to be an unmitigated disaster. Somehow it managed to be worse that I ever imagined. It is the worst movie I have ever seen.

Cats is a very weird musical—among theatre folk it's pretty strictly a you love it or you hate it show, with some people falling in a third camp where it's not really their cup of tea and they're really not fans, but they can't help but acknowledge that the show is high quality theatre, regardless of how kitschy and odd it is.  There are a lot of people, myself included, though, who love this musical. They are a built in audience of thousands, possibly millions, and they are who this movie should have been made for. The filmmakers' first mistake among many was that instead of making a Cats movie for the people who love Cats as it is, they tried to make a Cats movie for the people who don't get it and don't like it. That was an incredibly stupid decision. You're never going to bring those people around, it's a waste of time and resources to try, and the most damning thing is that all the baffling changes the filmmakers made to the musical and its story to try and make it more palatable to those who don't like the show as it exists, only serve to alienate the diehard Cats fans who should have been their strongest supporters.

Every problem in Tom Hooper's Cats comes down to gross misunderstanding of the source material and what people enjoy about it, and a shocking degree of disrespect for the show and its characters.  I can comfortably call myself something of an expert on Cats in the theatre—I've seen several productions, been in one, written academic papers about the show, and the book of poetry upon which its based, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot, sits on the shelf about ten feet from me as I type this review. I do not expect anyone to have the same intensity of interest or depth of understanding for Cats as I do; it wouldn't be reasonable. But I do expect anyone making a film adaptation of anything to put effort and serious thought into their project, and to care for and appreciate the source material they're working with. No one in decision making positions on this film seems to have done that. I wouldn't be surprised if I learned that neither Tom Hooper nor screenwriter Lee Hall had ever even seen the show.

Where even to begin with all the bizarre and terrible choices that went into this dumpster fire of a film?  This is going to take a while; there's a lot bad filmaking to break down on several levels.

Broad strokes, the movie completely misunderstands what the plot of the stage show actually is, then proceeds to shoehorn in new and unnecessary scenes in what I can only imagine is an attempt to make the plot make more sense. This fails spectacularly, since they're wrong in the first place about what the plot is, thus they succeed only in destroying the actual story of the show, muddying the overcomplicated and misguided narrative they've hamhandedly cobbled together, and interrupt the natural flow of what is supposed to be a sung-through musical such that the entire thing drags on like a last hour math class on Friday before school break.  This is worsened by the fact that the film stops dead in the middle of musical numbers several times for the sake of uninspired, usually offensive, and extraneous gags.

To be clear, the plot of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats, as spelled out fairly explicitly by Munkustrap early in the show, is that every year, one night on the full moon, all the members of a tribe of cats called the Jellicles get together to have a big party called the Jellicle Ball, at the end of which their leader, Old Deuteronomy, selects one member of the tribe who has lived a full life and can now be reborn. Over the course of the Ball, several prominent members of the tribe get songs sung about them.  The general vibe is very much big family reunion where your uncles, siblings, grandparents, and cousins tell stories about what they've been up to since you last saw them, or about how things were back in their day, depending.

The plot of Tom Hooper's Cats is that every year, one night on the full moon, a bunch of cats get together, allegedly to have a party called the Jellicle Ball, even though most of the movie they seem to be more or less aimlessly wandering the same two or three streets, and over the course of the party some of them sing songs about themselves as part of a competition to try to convince their leader, Old Deuteronomy, that they are the one she should pick to be reborn so they can come back and be “who they really want to be.” This year, it just so happens that a completely unrelated cat has been abandoned in the exact back ally where the Jellicles are hanging out before the Ball. Oh, and this year this one other cat, Macavity, has decided to kidnap all of the other cats that are competing to be chosen to be reborn, so he'll be the only contestant left and Old Deuteronomy will have to pick him.

The idea that the cats with individual songs about them are competing to be chosen to be reborn is a pretty common misunderstanding of the show, but it's one that doesn't hold up to much scrutiny.  For one thing, several of the individual songs take place before Old Deuteronomy arrives at the Ball, so the songs clearly are not being presented to Deuteronomy for judgment. For another, most of the characters who have individual songs come across as quite young, only one (Gus) is elderly, and if you pay any attention to the lyrics of their songs, these cats are loving their lives. It makes no sense that they would want to die and give up the lives they are still living to their fullest. Clearly no one involved in this movie bothered to take even two seconds to think that through. As for the idea that the chosen cat comes back as “who they really want to be,” I have no idea where the filmmakers got that.

The central themes of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats are identity, community, and dignity. The film kind of, sort of keeps the theme of identity, at least as far as they kept in most of the song “The Naming of Cats,” which is about identity, sense of self, and the difference between how one is seen by others and how one sees oneself. They omit roughly half the song.

The theme of community is mostly lost, and what little of it remains is twisted strangely by the decision to make Victoria an outsider. In the stage show, all the cats are Jellicles, they are tribe, a family, and they are proud of it. Grizabella is ostracized because she left a long time ago and, it seems, abandoned the tribe. So, now that she's old and lonely and wants to come home, they don't want her back. The emotional climax of the show is when, after the iconic lament of lost youth and righteous demand to be respected as an individual that is “Memory,” Victoria reaches out and touches Grizabella, accepting her back into the tribe and recognizing her as a fellow with the first feline contact Grizabella has had the entire show. This moment is robbed entirely of its power in Tom Hooper's film, largely because all of Grizabella's agency has been taken from her and given to Victoria. Instead of Grizabella stepping up for herself and asserting that she is still a part of this community and deserves to be treated with respect, Victoria physically escorts her in and instructs her to sing. Bear in mind that in the context of the film, Victoria is not a member of the tribe, she's just been inexplicably allowed to tag along, and thus is in no position to be the one accepting Grizabella back.

When it comes to dignity, Grizabella suffers as well. Not only is she stripped of her agency, but “Memory” is turned into a melodramatic self-pitying mess. Bad directoral choices remove every bit of strength and self esteem Grizabella has, especially during that song, which is an unforgivable waste of Jennifer Hudson. Almost every other character is treated as badly, or worse.

Macavity is taken from a truly frightening and threatening—but sexy—figure of mystery and demoted to pathetic, desperate cartoon villain that I think was supposed to be funny. He wasn't funny. This was a waste of Idris Elba, an excellent actor who could have brought refreshing and terrifying depth to what is an often neglected character.

Rum Tum Tugger does not have his usual badboy rockstar jerk with a heart of gold persona, he's just an egotistical asshole.

Grizabella, Macavity, and Tugger are the only characters in the film who visually read as POC through all the CG. They are all pathetic, unlikable, or both. Intentional or not, that feels really racist.

Bombalurina loses her entire character. Instead of a lovable rogue, member of the tribe who knows a questionable amount about Macavity, which gives her her own air of mystery, she's reduced to a flat, weirdly sexualized henchman. This may in part be due to Taylor Swift being too expensive to give more screen time, so they couldn't allow the character to breathe. If that's the case, they should not have cast Taylor Swift—she's not a bad choice for the role, but she is not worth destroying the character for. She certainly hasn't helped the film so much as break even on its budget.

Gus the Theatre Cat is played by Sir Ian McKellen, who is probably the best actor alive on the planet for that role, they could not have cast anyone better, and yet they waste him as well. Gus is old, Gus is physically and mentally feeble, but—on stage—the tribe still love and respect him. In the film, he's framed as pitiable, even laughable.  The ageism isn't as overt as it could have been, but it is sickening.

Bustopher Jones (James Corden) and Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson) are treated worst of all. Both characters are usually portrayed as on the heavy side. Bustopher is directly described in his song as “remarkably fat,” and Jennyanydots tends matronly by theatre tradition. Both characters are unambiguously described as very proper and clean freaks. The filmmakers elected to ignore this characterization in favor of making them both crude, messy, food obsessed slobs, which is shockingly fatphobic.

The only characters who come out more or less unscathed are Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap. I personally do not agree with the casting of Dame Judy Dench as Old Deuteronomy, the gender flip strikes me as unnecessary and a cheap grab at woke points, but I love Dame Judy and she is a fantastic actor. She brings the grace and poise the role requires and embodies the character as well as anyone could in the middle of such a mess. For his part, Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap benefits from neglect. The filmakers don't seem to have given Munkustrap much thought or much direction—the role is unchanged from the stage show, except, maybe in that the film doesn't allow him to be as central a character, since it's so obsessively focused on Victoria. Fairchild himself clearly studied Munkustraps in other productions. He feels like the same character, even in how he moves, while still making the role his own.

Several characters are simply deleted. Jemima is awkwardly combined with Victoria, who keeps getting other characters' agency and purpose bestowed upon her, yet isn't allowed to have her crowning moment of awesome in the White Cat Dance to herself. Demeter supposedly exists in the film, played by Daniela Norman, but gets left out of her main musical number so that Taylor Swift can hog it. Jellylorum is omitted entirely, which leaves Gus seeming both isolated and full of himself.

The visual effects are awful. Trying to make the cats look “realistic” was a horrible choice, and poorly executed. The faces are all far too human, and everyone looks uncomfortably naked.  The ears and tails aren't an inherently bad idea, but the tails are too long and move too much and just wind up being creepy. Frequently, characters' feet do not look like they're in contact with the floor—Gollum in Lord of the Rings was better rendered and incorporated eighteen years ago. On the subject of feet, some cats have shoes, all of which look somehow wrong, and those that are barefoot have extremely unsettling hybrids of human feet and cat paws. Once, Victoria seems to dance en pointe barefoot on those mutant toes, which illicited in me a visceral body horror. Much of the character design is just baffling. Victoria, whose defining physical characteristic is that she is the one white cat in the tribe, is not a white cat. She has spots now for some reason. Jennyanydots takes off her skin to reveal bedazzled fur, hot pants, and a halter top underneath. Skimbleshanks looks like a rejected member of the Village People. I can't tell if Deuteronomy's fur is supposed to be her fur or a coat.

The cats are inconsistent in size with relation to the world around them, and that world is inconsistent is seeming like it's for humans or for cats played by humans.

The music from the show is great, and should have been a redeeming quality in the film, but they managed to screw that up too. Almost every song has the life drained out of it, which is not the fault of the actors, all of whom I know from their previous work to be strong enough performers to carry their roles, if only they had been directed well. I've already discussed how “Memory” was ruined. “Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer” is unrecognizable, the tune and many lyrics are changed. Despite the 1930s-ish setting, several songs have been pop-ified or hiphop-ified seemingly at random. There are weird lyric changes throughout, often taking the form of altered verb tense, that serve no discernible purpose. The film is apparently allergic to group musical numbers, so sections that are usually sung in groups get split up one line at a time, which does not work, and all the cats that have individual songs sing about themselves rather than their peers singing about them, which makes them all come across as self centered and narcissistic.

Cats is a musical usually marked by having a huge among of excellent dancing. The dancing here is all awkward and often unsettling. Additionally, the language of movement companies of actors performing cats usually exhibit that lets them read as feline is entirely lacking. Robbie Fairchild is the only one who seems to try at all. To his credit, he succeeds.

The best we can hope for this film is that it quickly fades of public memory. To the cast, I hope they at least had fun making fools of themselves. To T.S. Eliot, I'm sorry this happened. To Andrew Lloyd Webber, how did you let this happen? To Tom Hooper, your movie is bad and you should feel bad.

The worst thing about this unredeemable disaster of a film is the handful of times you can just catch a glimpse through all the bad decisions and worse CGI of how good it might have been.