#now. my dad had a choice to make. ''PM‚'' he says

[an-autistic-with-personhood]

*writes a novel in the tags of a reblog and hits post*

For my mutuals ✨💕💫

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 17

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 5k

TW: Alcohol , mention of drugs

Masterlist

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Saturday, November 14; 1:25 PM - Home

I helped Sam and Sofia clear the plates. They were so surprised by my initiative that they didn’t dare say anything. I guess my punishments in the cafeteria paid off. I’ve handled hundreds of plates, so four won’t kill me. I sent Joan upstairs to get ready for three o’clock. It was a bit of a struggle because he didn’t want to let go of me, but I eventually managed. After all, we don’t need to rush. I wanted to enjoy my stay by spending some time alone in the garden. I put on my shoes and my military jacket before heading out. I walked to the back, away from prying eyes, and sat on the perfectly trimmed grass, even though it was wet from the humidity. I smiled as I let my fingers trail over the plaque in front of me.

“Hey, Dad. It’s been a while, huh?”

It had been a long time since I’d been here. The last time was a month and a half ago, the day before I left. Nothing has changed. They didn’t even remove the flowers I’d left. Proof that no one has been here since. I pulled my knees close and wrapped my arms around them. I stared at the photo on the plaque. I remembered it like it was yesterday, the fuss I made to my mom to set up a memorial place. He’s not really here. His grave is in Portugal. I needed an accessible place, and for once, she understood.

“Sorry I didn’t come sooner,” I murmured. “Let’s just say Mom outdid herself this time,” I chuckled nervously. “I regret that you’re not here to throw a wrench in her plans.”

It might seem strange to some, but I’ve gotten used to coming here to confide. My dad was always my confidant, and I didn’t want to lose that habit, even if he’s no longer here in flesh and blood. This place allows me to clear my mind when I need to. I think it’s the right time to do that today.

“I’m in Manchester now, at a private school, kind of like a military school. Can you believe it? Me, in there?” I giggled. “Hard to believe, right? Yet, I’m still alive after a month and a half. It’s not that bad, actually. It’s just the idea that’s scary.”

I paused to gather my thoughts. If he were still here, he would never have let Mom put me in a place like that. He would have supported me and defended me to the end, knowing I didn’t want to go.

“It was really tough at first. You would’ve had a good laugh. I thought I could get myself expelled, but I met someone stronger than me. I have a personal instructor, and believe me, she makes my life impossible. She reminds me a lot of you,” I murmured.

I let my head fall on my knees and closed my eyes. The cool breeze hit my face. I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. I needed to talk to someone about what I really think, and I knew this was the perfect place to do it.

“She’s fair in her choices and punishments. I had a hard time adjusting, but I adapted. It’s been a long time since I had someone authoritative like her on my back. She takes care of me and does everything to show me that I can succeed. She gives me confidence, like you did when you were still here. You always had the right words to lift my spirits.”

I sighed deeply. I missed him way too much. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

“I’ve also made a lot of friends. New friends. They’re very nice to me. One even accepted me for who I am. Her name is Alexia. She knows I’m gay. She encouraged me to tell the others, and I did. They all took it very well. I feel at home and I trust them… But the one I trust the most is Lucy, my instructor. I really wish you could meet her, you would have loved her.”

I stopped talking and lifted my head when I heard someone call me. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. I sighed, dreading the next few minutes. I got up, not forgetting to place a kiss on my hand before putting it back on the plaque.

“I have to go, but I’ll try to come back tomorrow before I leave. I love you, Dad.”

I sensed my mother’s impatience as she called me in a less pleasant manner. I sighed and walked back to the house. As soon as I stepped through the patio door into the living room, I ran into her. She was sitting in a chair with her arms crossed and a stern look on her face. It seemed the three weeks without seeing me hadn’t calmed her down. She invited me to sit on the couch across from her. I sat down and waited for it to happen. I was about to get an earful… I looked up to see her analyzing me in detail. She stared into my eyes before finally speaking.

“I don’t understand you,” she began. “I really don’t understand how a girl like you, with so much potential, manages to ruin everything. I sent you to that school to give you a chance to start over! Why do you always feel the need to mess everything up!?”

“Stop,” I murmured.

“No, I won’t stop this time! Stop acting like a child, Ona! You never wanted my help, so I thought this school would be beneficial, but even being there, I realize you’ll never change! Will there never be a way to get my little girl back? You went to Manchester having used drugs, for heaven’s sake! Do you realize your immaturity?! Did you think about your loved ones for a single second? About how worried they are about you?!”

I clenched my fists. It’s the pot calling the kettle black! She didn’t give me time to respond and kept accusing me of worrying everyone. Mapi would have come here to check on me. I wasn’t really in a state to give her any news. Maybe I should have asked Bronze to do it for me, but I had other things on my mind. I let her get angry, taking in the hurtful words she hurled at me. Eventually, she stopped, and I took advantage of the moment to spill my own thoughts.

“It’s your fault I’m like this!” I raised my voice. “Stop blaming everything on me when you have your share of responsibility!”

“I don’t see why it should be my fault!” she snapped.

And there it was. The tone already escalated. We’d never manage to have a normal conversation together. We couldn’t stand each other. Our views were different, and there was clearly a lack of communication.

“You’re the one who decided to start your little life with your new family without caring about me once!”

“Stop always blaming me for the same things, Ona! You’re not the center of the world!”“

- I always blame you for the same things because you don’t understand! You don’t even realize that you’re pushing me aside!

- And you? You’ve never given me a place in your life! No matter how much I try to help you, you never accept me! I’ve tried to understand you, but you’re completely closed off! The girl I knew was full of life! She laughed and smiled all the time. She’s certainly not this teenager who constantly throws tantrums and makes mistakes!

- Here we go again. Do you even hear yourself? Have you ever once tried to find out the reasons behind my behavior?!

She looked at me, bewildered. She didn’t even know how to respond. Her silence spoke volumes. She never tried to understand. For once, she let me speak, so I took the opportunity to get everything off my chest.

- No, of course not! You never look beyond your own nose. You accuse me every time without thinking further. You don’t even ask if I’m really guilty!

- Oh Ona! Stop always exaggerating!

- Do you remember the time you were called in because I hit a girl at school? Well, that girl spent her time humiliating me in the playground. One day I’d had enough and I snapped. For you, there was no doubt who was at fault that day! You believed that poor little girl over your own child! And it’s still the same now! You never listen to me! I’m always the one at fault no matter what!

Just recounting it brought back memories from years ago. My mother was unable to respond. I didn’t plan to stop there. She deserved to know what I really thought.

- You talk as if you’re a victim, but you don’t know what it’s like to have no trust from your own mother! Do you want to know what happened that weekend? Well, I drank! I drank a lot because I needed it after being locked up for three weeks because of you! I even ran into Feli at the party, but you wouldn’t know that because you never take an interest in my life!

I calmed down when I saw Joan watching us from the stairs with a terrified look. I realized at that moment that I had stood up in anger. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes to calm down and take a deep breath after shouting. My mother still didn’t dare respond. When I looked at her again, I saw that she was stunned.

- Do you know what saddens me the most? It’s that at least in this camp, I made new friends who completely trust me. For the first time in my life, I was allowed to justify my actions. She not only gave me the benefit of the doubt, but she even convinced me it wasn’t my fault when I started to have doubts.

She didn’t seem to understand my words, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to explain the whole story to her; she wasn’t worth it. She should have asked me when the time was right.

- So now, before you try to change me, you should reassess your principles and be a good mother. Meanwhile, I’m going to do my big sister duty and take Joan to the ice rink.

I didn’t give her time to recover from her emotions as I walked toward Joan, who hadn’t taken his eyes off me. His terrified look had turned to sadness. I knew he didn’t like it when I argued with our mother. He had already heard so much from our exchanges that I understood. I held out my arms to him, and he didn’t hesitate to come to me.

- I promised we’d go this afternoon, didn’t I?

- I don’t like it when you fight with Mom.

- I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry you have to see this, but I intend to make it up to you. Are you ready?

He nodded, and I smiled at him. I carried him to the coat rack in the entryway to get her jacket and shoes. I left the house without looking back at the living room where my mother hadn’t moved. Hector was taking us. I felt bad for bothering him for such a small thing every time, but I didn’t have a car. My mother never wanted to get me one, even though I’ve had my license for a long time. I could understand her. There were few times I was in a state to drive. I could have caused countless serious accidents. The ride was silent. I enjoyed the landscape, which was completely different from Manchester. It was much more familiar, having lived here for several years. When we arrived at the ice rink, I asked Hector to pick us up in two hours. Joan held my hand as we walked into the building. I had managed to calm down. I promised myself to enjoy it. Joan helped by spreading his good mood around. He was so excited that she pulled me toward the entrance. I was happy to see that he wasn’t angry with me anymore. He managed to bring out my first smile since the argument with my mother. There weren’t too many people at the counter, so I quickly got our tickets and then moved to the next counter to get our skates. I listened to him tell me little stories about his life. I found him so adorable. He had such a perfect life compared to mine. He had fun and didn’t worry about anything. I wished I could regain that carefree attitude. I just hoped he would turn out better than me.

- Hey, Ona?

- Hmm?

- Why do you always fight with Mom?

- Let’s just say Mom and I don’t see eye to eye, you understand? She doesn’t understand, and neither do I. Have you ever argued with a friend?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, it’s the same between Mom and me.

- Except I always forgive after a fight.

- I’d like that too, Jo, but it’s more complicated than that.

- Why? You just have to talk to solve the problem.

- Exactly, except Mom never lets me defend myself.

- That’s not fair!

It’s easier to give examples to a child so he can understand. I knew he was right, but I could never forgive my mother for everything she had done. Or rather, not done. She never tried to understand me.”

- I don’t love Mom anymore.

- What? No, no, no! You need to stay out of this.

- But she hurts you and even sent you far away from me.

I sighed, running my hand over my face. His words reminded me that I hadn’t been able to discuss his little misdeeds with him. I began to understand why he was acting out. He wanted to get back at our mother. Seeing that we wouldn’t find a free bench soon, I decided to crouch down.

- Joan, you shouldn’t get involved in this. It’s grown-up stuff.

- I am grown-up! he pouted.

- That’s not what I meant, I rolled my eyes. It’s just that it concerns Mom and me. Just because I’m having issues with her doesn’t mean you should too. You don’t need to give her a hard time just because she sent me to a school far away from you.

- But you do it when something displeases you!

I frowned. He really had an answer for everything. Why was he so clever? I was just like him at that age. I reacted quickly and asked all the questions that came to mind.

- It’s not the same. Mom takes care of you and you’ve always loved her. You don’t need to take my role at home. Understand?

- I guess, he mumbled.

- It’s not right to bother everyone and cause trouble, I continued. Mom and your dad can’t be proud of you acting this way. They love you a lot, you know, and it hurts them to see what you’re doing. So, I’m asking you to stop. Can you do that for me?

He frowned, then nodded. I think he understood now. I stood up when I finally saw a free spot. I managed to take it before someone else could.

- Will I be able to come see you once in Manchester? Because you know, waiting all the time is long!

- It will be complicated, I chuckled. If I stay there, I’m not allowed to leave the school. But if you want to come when I can go out, you’ll have to talk to Mom so she can bring you for a weekend.

- I’m big enough to go alone!

I laughed at the thought. I would pay to see Mom’s face when Joan told him that. I put our things in the locker, then helped Joan who was struggling to put on his skates. When we were ready, I didn’t need to hold Joan to move forward. He managed perfectly on his own. He had grown a lot since the last time I brought him here. He must have come without me because he seemed much more skilled than I remembered. I followed him as best as I could, he was moving everywhere. It made me happy to finally take care of him. She deserved it after all I put him through. I had two hours to make it up to him and enjoy it. We laughed a lot together. He managed to make me fall many times, which amused him greatly. Then we met a girl from his class. It seems flirting starts early these days! She was with her brother. I ended up talking with him since the two kids didn’t want to part. We spent the rest of the afternoon with them, much to my little brother’s delight. I couldn’t refuse him request even though I would have preferred to stay just the two of us.

Saturday, November 14; 6:20 PM - Ona’s Room.

I played with my phone in my hands. I had been hesitating for fifteen minutes to send a message to Bronze. I needed to talk and she was the only person who came to mind for the subject I wanted to discuss. I sighed, falling back onto my pillow. I had invited Mapi over for dinner tonight. She should be arriving soon, considering how long I had been thinking for nothing. I replayed my entire day in my mind, now that Joan was giving me a break. It was only because he was in the shower, otherwise, he would certainly be by my side. I opened my eyes when I heard noise downstairs. The sounds continued up the stairs. I sat up cross-legged just as my bedroom door flew open. She quickly spotted me, giving me a wide smile. She looked me up and down.

- Oh my God Ona! It’s so good to see you… looking normal.

- Happy to see you too, Leon, I giggled as I stood up.

She continued to examine me with a worried look. She sighed and finally hugged me. I eagerly accepted her embrace. I had missed her. Missed her so much.

- I’m fine, Maps… I’ve been through a lot, but I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t give you any news. I wasn’t able to, but I should have asked someone to do it for me.

- Don’t worry, it’s enough to see you in good shape.

- They took good care of me.

- You avoided rehab?

- Yeah, thanks to Bronze. She supported me against all odds.

We exchanged a smile. I could see she was holding back a comment. I knew her too well. I rolled my eyes in amusement and encouraged her to speak.

- I was wondering if… well um… you see… if that school is helping you? Sorry, she hurried. I know you don’t like talking about it, but I feel like it’s changing you a lot, you know and-

- Stop, I laughed, cutting her off. No one can stop you when you’re nervous. I don’t mind talking about it. I think you’re right, I sighed. The school is helping… at least the people there are…

- That’s good, she smiled. I was starting to lose hope of seeing the Ona I knew again.”

I smiled at her sincerely. I was losing hope too, if only she knew. I’ve been questioning a lot of things since that moment I cried in Bronze’s arms. That behavior triggered something deep inside me. It was the first time I managed to open up to someone. Not by talking about my past, but by talking about myself, about my fears. Since then, I’ve felt like I might be able to climb out of this, but the road is still very long.

- Anyway, I hope you’re ready because we’re going out tonight! she announced.

Oh no... For some reason, I haven’t liked hearing that phrase since last time. I’m really afraid of crossing my limits. She seems to see that I’m hesitant.

- Please! I promise I’ll watch over you. Ana is hosting the party. She suggested I bring you so you could meet her...

- I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

- Oh come on, it would be good for you to go out a bit. It’ll help you forget about school for a while. I won’t let you fall again.

- You’d better not. If Bronze has to get me sober again, she promised to keep me in school until I graduate.

- All the more reason for me to take care of you. No way she’s separating us!

- You’ll ditch me for your girlfriend at the first chance you get.

- I won’t take my eyes off you... Please! I’ve already told her you’re coming!

Saturday, November 14; 9:45 PM - Party at Ana’s House

Watch over me, my ass! It’s already been fifteen minutes since I started looking for Mapi, with no luck. I’m stuck in a house, far from home, where I don’t know anyone. The music is loud, and there’s alcohol and any kind of illegal substance. If Bronze knew I was in a place like this, she’d kill me. I had to say yes. I promised Mapi I’d meet her girlfriend, and here I am in her house, all alone. I already regret it. I drank a few glasses to please my best friend, but that’s all. She introduced me to Ana. She’s super nice, just like Mapi said. I felt like she didn’t like me much at first, but it seemed to improve as we talked. I know she’s not aware of our relationship with Mapi, and luckily, because she seems quite jealous already. I made my way to the kitchen. I finally saw some familiar faces. They were Ana’s friends that she introduced earlier. I was about to go to them when someone grabbed my arm. Please... Not again...

- Hey! Ona, right?

- Alex? What are you doing here?

If we had planned this, we couldn’t have managed it. He’s the brother of the little girl we met at the ice rink this afternoon. He already looks pretty wasted.

- I could ask you the same. I’ve never seen you here before! I’m here with my best friend.

- Same. The owner of the house is my best friend’s girlfriend.

- Oh, I didn’t know! Want some?

He offered me a joint. Great... Just what I needed. I had made an effort to avoid this kind of thing all evening, and now it’s right in front of me. I understood why he was in such a state.

- Sorry, I don’t do that anymore, I declined.

- Oh come on, it’s nothing serious.

- I said no, I’d rather get a drink.

- As you wish, he smiled. I’ll come with you, and we can go outside.

- If you want, sure.

It’s probably better than being alone, even though I’m not sure he’s great company. I made myself a drink and followed him outside. He introduced me to his friends. The good news is I found Mapi and Ana. The bad news is that the table we’re at is covered in drugs. There’s as much weed as there is cocaine on the table. It’s insane. Mapi noticed my concern and placed her arm around my shoulders to reassure me.

- Relax... I said I’d watch over you.

- Why aren’t you taking anything? Alex asked from my other side.

- I quit, and I don’t want to fall back into it.

- Here, drink a bit since you’re already here, it’ll do you good, Mapi said. There’s a room upstairs if you want to stay.

- No way. I promised Joan I’d come home to sleep with him.

- Just one drink then.

I accepted the drink, albeit reluctantly. I already knew I wouldn’t stop at just one. Especially since they were all eager for us to play drinking games. Again. I intended to leave the table, but my pride got the better of me when someone called me a chicken. Three in the morning came quickly. I was no longer in control of my movements. Somehow, I managed to get up from the table after refusing to kiss Alex in a game of spin the bottle. No more alcohol for tonight. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened last weekend here. I moved toward the garden. I needed to isolate myself to regain my composure. I went just far enough to hear only the laughter. I laughed as I remembered a guy’s joke. At the same time, I dialed a number on my phone.

- Ona? I heard on the other end.

- Heeey, Lucia ! How are you?

- Where are you?

I couldn’t help but laugh, thinking about what would happen when I got back. Her voice was stern, and she sounded angry. I was definitely not in control of my body or my mind.

- Everything’s fine! I’m not walking straight, but I’m okay!

- Don’t make me repeat myself. Where are you?

- At a party with Mapi! Oh dear, my head is spinning!

I burst out laughing as I leaned against a tree. I heard her sigh on the other end.

- Damn it, Ona, you’re so immature! Have you done anything other than drink?

- No, I said proudly. I listened to you for once.

- Go home. Now, she ordered.

- Or what?

- Ona... Don’t take advantage of the distance. I could make you run the miles you owe me for tonight to sober up first thing Monday morning, she threatened.

- Oh dear, I’m so scared!

- Don’t-

I hung up on her. I giggled, realizing the mess I had gotten myself into. What was I thinking calling her? I smiled when Mapi joined me. She had also had quite a few drinks, but she seemed more clear-headed than me. She laughed seeing my state.

- You okay, Onita ?

- Hummmm.

- Did you get a call from Commander? Who’s that?

- Bronze, I snickered. She’s going to kill me. I just hung up on her.

- You have her number?! she exclaimed, surprised.

- She gave it to me before she left. In case I had a problem, I explained. She knows I’m drunk, I’m screwed, I giggled.

Mapi teased me. I leaned my head against the tree behind me and closed my eyes for a moment. Not too long, because my head was really spinning.

- You should pick up, it’s her third call.

I realized she was right when I looked at my phone. I giggled again and finally answered on her fourth call. I didn’t even have time to put the phone to my ear before I had to pull it back.

- Damn it, Ona, don’t ever do that again, she yelled. Go home, now.

- Relax, baby, I laughed. It’s just a party.

- Baby? Mapi choked, spitting out her drink.

I laughed even harder, realizing the nickname I had just given her.

- Oops, shit! That’s not what you think, Maps, I giggled. Oh man, I’m really messed up.

- Are you with someone? I heard through my phone.

I let my phone slip accidentally. I laughed when I bumped into the tree. Before I could react, Mapi had picked up my phone and put it on speaker.

- Hey, this is Bronze, right?

- And who are you?

- Mapi, the best friend.

- Hmm. I know who you are. Has Ona taken any drugs?

- Thanks for the trust, I giggled. I said no!

- Shut up, Ona. I wasn't talking to you, and I don't want to hear from you anymore.

- No, she hasn’t taken anything, Mapi replied, laughing. She was adamant about it, and I stayed sober just to watch over her.

- See! You can trust me!

- I told you to be quiet, Ona! We’ll deal with this when you get back.

I groaned at her words. What did I say? I’m in trouble. I’m going to have a rough time. I rolled my eyes, knowing she couldn’t see me anyway.

- I can’t drive her back with all the alcohol I’ve had, my best friend said. But I can call her driver to pick her up.

- You can't be serious, Maps! You said I could stay here!

- And you said you wanted to sleep with Joan! she retorted.

- You made me drink like crazy, saying I needed to have fun!

- I never forced you to drink!

I was about to argue back, but Bronze’s voice interrupted our debate that could have gone on for hours. I laughed as she scolded me, calling me reckless. When I finally calmed down, I heard her sigh.

- Call her driver and tell him I want a message when she's in bed.

- You can't make me go home from a party across the country!

- Watch me!

- You've never forbidden me from going to parties!

- Have you seen your state? Do you want me to remind you how it ended last time? You’re going home, period! And believe me, we’ll have a serious talk when you get back, she repeated.

I groaned in frustration at her words. She talked a bit more with Mapi before the latter hung up. She continued to tap on my phone, probably calling Hector as planned. She stood up and helped me do the same. She held me up as we walked to the exit and through the outer gate.

- Come on, beautiful, it's time to go home.

- I don’t want to go home, I mumbled.

- But your girlfriend wants you to.

- She’s not my girlfriend, I grumbled more.

- You can tell me, you know? she laughed. You called her baby!

- It slipped out.

- Sure it did, she teased.

- It's true! She's going to kill me on Monday, damn it.

We waited five minutes in front of the house before Hector's service car appeared. He helped Mapi get me into the car. I was really in bad shape. Maybe Bronze wasn’t wrong. He closed the door after settling me in. I could still hear them talking, but I was too drunk to understand what they were saying. Hector joined the driver's side after their conversation. Mapi opened the door one last time to give me a kiss on the forehead.

- See you tomorrow. Sleep well, Ona.

I groaned slightly in response. She closed the door, and Hector drove off. It didn’t even take two minutes for me to fall asleep, my head resting against the car window.

[kcalsforhim]

˖⋆࿐໋ monday 17th of december

⋆˙⟡

i forgot to weigh myself this day as well, but it really wasn’t that relevant… anyways. i woke up late again around 12:00-13:00 and i started my morning with my dad texting me… ill drop the texts below

i provided some translations.. well i went downstairs feeling very nervous… i decided i probably shouldn’t obsessively weigh my food or log it extensively so when i give the cal estimate it is a overestimation tbh…

when i was plating up my food he really made me nervous by being like “put more put more ! atleast 5-6” and “how much do you weigh ?” and when i said i didn’t know, he insisted i go to weigh myself. he then kept saying stuff like “you should’ve put more toppings” and “you used to be able to eat 5-6 of them” which makes sense cause i used to be in the bmi30’s and now im in the bmi17’s … it was just all very triggering. i still chose to eat downstairs to not arouse too much suspicion, although this did lead to me HAVING to finish my food… sigh

to preface, i fasted for 37 hours and 30 mins ! was pretty proud of this… usually i fast around 20-25 hours per meal nowadays but ofc since i skipped daytime eating the day before i got a pretty long fast in ^^

lunch omad :

3 pancakes, 2 with chocolate spread topping, one of those having a lotus cookie crumbled in, and 1 with strawberry jam —— some rice, idk how much, and 2 sausages. also a glass of water cause i did not want to drink any liquid cals . oh and cucumbers with greek yogurt

cals : 881

the cals were pretty terrible, but my dad is extremely pushy and he has a past of being emotionally abusive to a degree… he body shamed me DAILY when i was fat and now he’s seeing the consequences of his actions… my “eating disorder” was born from him and his words… i’ll be honest, if it was my choice, i would not have more than 2 pancakes, maybe even one, i would’ve kept fasting for longer, but i felt kind of backed into a corner

i was actually really afraid he’d make me eat more, but after i finished up i actually felt so full i could puke and my mom said i don’t need to force myself to eat if im genuinely not hungry which made me feel relief.

my dad said “he should eat atleast 2 more pancakes with dinner” something like this and i shook my head in silence, my mom said “nooo he can have them tommorow” and my dad said “tommorow is too late” almost as if to trigger my old binge eating habits

(i used to binge a lot because MY food in the fridge would always dissapear and just not be available for later consumption and i’d just get really scared and honestly greedy too…)

anyways i went back up feeling sick, i just didn’t do much of anything untill maybe 6-7 pm when i asked my mom to go to the store with me.. so we walk to the nearby store together cause i planned to get energy drinks for the next day (thank you past me)

i got 4 energy drinks for the next day, and my mom also got me more shampoo since i ran out of my one and had been using her in the times i would be showering.. she also got me 2 face cleansers since i use a specific one that doesn’t irritate my very sensitive thin ass eyelids i always slap lots of makeup and eyeliner and LASHGLUE ON (recently less guys im healing)… i also got a milkis drink and let her try it. sigh on the walk back home i felt dizzy and all but i honestly think its cause i smoke so much lol. i smoke on these walks with my mom

afterwards i got home and i called eli feeling tired. we talked a bit, then i drew for a little bit, not that long, then i started getting really hungry so i took sleeping pills at 9 pm.. i drew some more and by 10-11 pm i felt so tired i just put on my headphones and went to sleep… my scarred arm started swelling a bit today also and leaking ewwwwww but its fine its just healing. im so glad i’ve kept up my omad streak for quite a bit now im so so proud of myself tbh….

total cals : 881

total steps : n.v.t (35 min walk with mom !)

this song is very cool hehehe it reminds me of just… drawing and story writing and cool stories… just cool vibes.

⋆˙⟡

[flammingnachos]

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏(topper thornton x fem!reader)

𝘚𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴; opposite attract they say, well that’s the case for you and topper your the embodiment of a person that makes choices without the fear of judgment or criticism and then there’s topper

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨; Pogue!reader, abusive topper, controlling and manipulative,cursing, slight forced marriage, SMUT, (1/2)

Reckless.

Something that I’ve always been called as a child

I’ve never really paid attention to what anyone had ever about me since I’ve never really cared too much about people's opinions why worry about something that doesn’t make a difference in your life rather than just stress about it

My Perspective on people's opinions however changed during my teen years after my parents went bankrupt and were forced to slave themselves for the cooks on the other side of the town, my father worked for Judge Thornton as his personal construction worker.

My father became great friends with judge Thornton through out the years occasionally bringing me over during my teens years to meet Mr Thornton only son Topper.

During this time Topper didn’t even spare a few glances or a few words other than “hi” and “bye” from the times I’ve been over at his home as “play dates” as my parents liked to call it. He was busy hanging out with this best friend rafe and started talking to Sarah cameron

It was when I turned 16 my life had really changed, mom was home for a few days of the week while dad was barely ever there after my 15th birthday. It was then that same day a few knocks where heard on my front door

I looked over at the broken chronograph that was slanted on the wall seeing that it read 8:00 PM

“Who could be coming this late” I wondered

I hesitatingly walked over to the door slightly peeking through the door seeing that it was Sheriff Shoupe and another male officer with him, he looked up at me

“may I have a word with you Cassidy” He asked taking off his hat and resting it upon his chest

“Uhm my mother isn’t here at the moment you’ll have to come back another time,” I said looking around the house a bit

“Well, there’s no need what I need to talk to you about is about them” he sighed out

My eyebrows furrowed

I opened the door fully and gestured for them both to come in

“I didn’t want to deliver this kind of message to a young person as yourself but your parents have been arrested” He said calmly

It went silent after he said that, my whole world felt like it was gonna go crashing down after that, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I just kept feeling daggers go straight through my heart and my vision blurring a bit

I wiped my eyes slightly

“W-what do you mean sheriff” I asked

“They’ve been arrested for theft, your father has been stealing money from judge Thornton bank and hiding it with your mother”

I stayed silent waiting for him to continue holding in my breath silently

“Judge Thornton was going to press charges but he made a deal with your father for his repayment, it involved you” he finished out waiting for my reaction

“W-what about me?” I whispered out

“He made a deal that you’ll be living with them from now on and you’ll be married off to there son Topper to repay the dept your father owed them” He said

That’s it right there.. when my whole word fell apart and crashed down right on me, the air seemed like it was suffocating me and the feet felt more heavier than they usual are and my body felt so hard to be still

I felt like passing out

The sheriff noticed this and held me slightly seeing my body about to stumble over and fall right onto the floor

“I understand how you feel Cassidy but right now your parents requested me take you back over the station to see them before they are put in jail” he said walking out the door slowly and guiding me over to the police car as he opened the door and I hesitantly got in frozen in place as he slammed the door and got in the drivers seat taking off

I was frozen in place unable to think or move a bone

This had to be a dream

The car moved up and down slightly as the sheriff drove through the bridge that separated the cooks from the pogues. The flashing lights from the street lamp post illuminating slightly over my face as he drove in the darkness

Without noticing more tears started slowly crept up into my eyes and right down on my face continuously as I wiped them trying the hardest for it to stop raining on my face but it didn’t.

The sheriff heard my sniffles and whales of cries and glanced at the rear view mirror.

I didn’t notice we reached at the station until I felt my door being opened and the cool summer air gushing on to me.

“C’mon Cassidy” he whispered out putting his hand out for me to grab onto it

I slowly looked up from the floor and looked over at his with glassy eyes slowly inching my arms to his and getting out the car

He closed the door guiding me into the station and down in the interrogation area, my head being dipped down and focused onto the floor the whole way there

He opened the door and there I was faced with my father and mother sitting side by side staring right at me with guilt in there eyes. I couldn’t bare to even look at them for what they had done and the situation they had now put me through

The sheriff pulled out the chair infront of my mother as I sat down chewing the bottom of lip

“Well I’ll leave you guys to it, you have a few more minutes left with your parents before there transit comes” he announced and then looked back over at them before taking his leave

The room stayed quiet

“Look sweetie what your father and I did was all for you, we didn’t mean for this to happen w-we just wanted you to have a better future” my mother spoke putting her hands over the table and rubbing the dried tears off my cheeks slightly

“Y-you’ve set me up to get married to some guy I barely even know a Cook at that” I sniffed

“It was the only way doll, it was either that or have you work for Mr Thornton off the debt that I made, I couldn’t have you slave behind me for something you didn’t even do” My father spoke back

I looked up at him with nothing to fury

“THEN WHY!? why do this shit if you knew you would have been caught and your poor old daughter would have to take all your consequence” I half yelled at him in frustration

This shocked both of my parents as there eyes both went up at my tone not to mention my cursing my mother removed her hands from my face

“Sweetie what we did was for you, for your future for your college for you fucking life-!” My mother started to yell but my father interrupted her trying to call her down

“louis!” he yelled

“Cassidy what your mother is trying to say is that this may seem like what we did was reckless of us because we didn’t think of the consequences but we did and we knew we would pay the price but we didn’t think that they would use you as the price we would be paying” My father explains in one breath

I stayed silent again

Right on cue the door opened we all turned to look over at who it was seeing it was another police office

“Times up, your transit is here Mr and Mrs Ryder” the man announced opening the door more wider as two other officers came in handcuffing both of my parents

“Wait wait, I didn’t get to-”I flinged up in a rush to stop them from handcuffing both of my parents

“I’m sorry ma’am but there transit is here to take them to the county prison” he tried to reasoned out

“It’s okay Cassidy, we deserve this” my father softly spoke out

“We’ll be fine, take care of yourself baby” my mother croaked out, water falling down on her face as she shut her eyes to stop herself fork crying even more than she already was

At the sight made me cry to seeing my other cry

“Noo mom please” I cried out blinded by the water spilling out my eyes

I grabbed my hands out for my mother as officer backed me up off her as I continued crying

“Well always love you Cassidy” my father said before he disappeared out the door and so did my mother, her cries still heard bouncing off the walls

The officer used his walkie talkie calling in for sherif shoupe

I sat back down crying into my arms

“I’ll take it from here officer”shoupe I recognized his voice nearing over towards me

“everything gonna be okay Cassidy, you can always vist them” he tried to cheer me up

I only cried out more

“C’mom cassidy we can’t be in here much longer, it’s getting late and you’ll catch a cold from the way you’ve been crying” he whispered out slightly picking up my arms

I sniffed whipping my eyes to stop the tears as I got up following shoupe to his police car passing by the rest of the officers as my continued wiping my eyes to stop the water from running back down my face some more

Sheriff shoupe opened his police car door as I slowly got inside the car buckling my seatbelt, the car taking off once I did so

I turned my head to the right looking thru the window watching as the trees passed by and by all the street lights that were now on

“It’s not my place but try to give Mr and Mrs Thornton a chance before you can judge” I heard Sherif shoupe spoke out making me turn my attention towards him driving the car

“Yeah”I whispered turning my attention back outside until we reached to my destination

We arrived in the next 10 minutes as the car came to a halt infront of there lawn, he got out walking springing to my side to open the door for me

I awkwardly smiled and got out as be slamed the door shut and started walking to the front door as I followed along

I examined my surroundings seeing their lawn perfectly mowed per usual and their front porch always looking effortlessly perfect, I stopped walking behind Sheriff Shoupe as he knocked on the door waiting for an answer

It took a minute for Mrs Thornton to answer the door, she smiled seeing Sheriff Shoupe but that smile faltered a bit seeing me there

Just great

“Sheriff it's nice to see you here with Cassidy” She cheered on with that plastic smile of hers

The sheriff smiled at this

“The pleasure is all mine, Cassidy didn't get to pack anything at all since her parents wanted to see her before they were transported to county prison” he explained as to why I just showed up empty handed with nothing but my phone

She nodded her head

“It's alright there's nothing like a little shopping won't fix for her” she chuckled out

He smiled while I stood there awkwardly

“Well, I should leave you guys to it then..Cassidy..enjoy your time with them and please don't stress over your parents there in great hands” He informed me, Turning to me as I nodded at his response

The sheriff nodded walking past me and right into his car, at Mrs Thornton opened the door more widely and gestured for me to walk in

“Come in please do” She said

As I walked in she the slammed the door shut, locking it making her way into another room in which I followed right behind her

“Mr Thornton or Topper isn't here at the moment which is great so I can just have a talk with you before I show you to your room and then you'll be meeting Both of them after they come in”she explained while taking a seat in her living room I'm guessing

“Sure” I croaked out unsure of what to really say to her

she smiled straightening her posture on the seat

“Okay good, as I'm assuming you already know you'll be the future wife of my son..”she paused looking for my reaction

I nodded pressing my lips onto a thin line looking around for a bit

“Good, there aren't many rules here but for you to always be with Topper outside, there aren't any restrictions or anything in the house…and you can't be out too late now” she finished off

“Okay” I said

“Alright, nice and obedient.. You truly are perfect” She smiled at me as I thanked her for the compliment

“Now I'm gonna show you to the room you'll be using until you and Topper graduate and you can move out and live somewhere by yourselves,” she said getting up and walking up the stairs and then making a left then up a smaller stairs in the corner where I saw three doors lined up next to each other

“that's Topper's room, Your room is right next to his, and The bathroom at the last corner” She explained using her hands

I hummed as she walked to the middle door opening it while walking in, following after her I got inside the bedroom and was amazed at what was infornt of me

It was bigger than all the rooms in my old House combined, I actually had a closet and not just a basket where I fold all my clothes and put them in and a big window scenery. Where I could sit and watch outside

I continued staring around the room twisting and turning as I inspected everything with my mouth agape in shock

“I know right, took my maids a few hours to get room cleaned out and changed into a girl room which was a guest room at first” She explained smiling at my reaction

She took a seat at the edge of the bed patting right next to her for me to sit down beside her, I listened sitting right down next to her

“I’ve never really had this type of experience before, since I've only grown Topper since he was young and his father and I were too busy to even try again” she sighed looking a bit sad

“I get that” I sympathized

She gave me a little smile pulling me into her embrace a bit

“Well, the boys is gonna get here in a few more hours so you have enough time to be alone in your new room for a bit before you meet your future husband” she cheered getting up and was about to leave before I halted her

“Thank you again..i’m sorry for what my parents have caused your family” I apologized

She only smiled at this

“Your parents actions aren't you faults, whatever they did doesn't correlate to you” She said, and then taking her leave shutting the door half open half closed a bit

I rested for a bit laying down on the bed before hearing some voices downstairs after a couple of hours just staring at the ceiling

“I still don’t get why where doing this mom” It was topper

And his mother arguing once again but it seemed like there voices were getting nearer to my room door

I squealed getting up and making myself look at least presentable and straight inform of topper and his father

Right then the door swinged open revealing all here of them Mr and Mrs Thornton and Topper himself all looking at me

Gosh

My breathed was nearly taken away by the sight of Topper, he still looked perfect from when he was younger

I say frozen unable to say a word but watch mindlessly as Mr and Mrs Thornton continued to argue some more

“Your wasting your life mopping behind that Sarah girl when you could be finding yourself a wife to continue the family legacy” his mother grumbled out angryly

“But mom” topper tried to reason out but his mother huffed out walking away from him as his father followed along

He stood there lost in silence

My crush on Topper never subsided even when he used to be jerk with rafe to me and John b and jj I still liked him even after his situation with the cook princess

It seemed like he’s examining me head to toe

We stood there in silence once more

“Enjoy your stay” he said in monotone voice before taking his leave and slamming his door right next to mines

Well that was just great

[chloeangelic]

Pls write SUBJECT and description only sentences for a group orgy. You, me, & @toxicanonymity with my mm!joel.

Nice big group fuck. I feel like he needs this to boost his self esteem. And so help me god if you don’t fully direct every single thing that’s happening… 🫵🏼=👊🏼

I love you so fucking much

Hi Gracie, I hope this is sufficient.

Cheers, Chloe

Maintenance man!Joel group bang with special guests 

Pairing: @gracieispunk x @toxicanonymity x Chloe Angelic x maintenance man!Joel x Father Joel x Lincoln!Joel x f!reader 

Warnings: This is garbage just don't read it if you don’t wanna see a shitty blasphemous 6some, idk what to tell you anymore. I promise this is my second to last satire fic until I hit 2k.

Word count: 1k 18+ 

You’re hanging out with three of your friends; Toxic, Gracie, and Chloe. They are all giving you ideas for your fics. They all think you should write infidelity, you were thinking something more along the lines of fluffy flirting with your dad’s best friend. They think it might be a bit tame. Chloe thinks you should make him cry at some point in the fic, she's clearly in a bit of an angst phase. You think Toxic and Gracie are more fun.

Gracie downs the last of her wine and says “We’re all horny sluts and I have an idea”.  She goes over to her kitchen sink and yanks on it until it breaks. She picks up her phone and calls the maintenance man. That’s Joel Miller. She says “Joel, I know it’s ten PM but my sink broke because I am a little slut and I need you to come over and fix it or else I will report you to the building manager as being not very helpful to me, a damsel in distress”. She hangs up. 

Joel shows up wearing a tool belt and he is fully dressed in a flannel shirt, jeans and a wedding ring because he’s married. “Well, well, well” Gracie says and takes him by the hand to leads him into the living room where there is a massive California king bed. There’s also a stripper pole in the middle of the room, and now Chloe’s self indulgent fics about pole dancing make sense to you. 

Unfortunately, Gracie’s sink is indeed broken now so you all have to sit in silence and watch as maintenance man Joel huffs and puffs and fixes the sink. “I’m was planning on leavin' after this,” he says, “But now you’re all naked and annoying and my cock is hard again so I have no choice but to fuck all of you little sluts”. Everyone cheers and claps. You can’t believe it, you thought he only existed in Gracie’s fics and now you get to fuck him IRL. 

A shadow appears in the hallway. Toxic shouts, “Hey, get back to the brothel! You don’t belong in this crossover!”. The shadow is gone. You don’t know who it was, although Chloe says she hopes it was Lincoln Joel because he looks hot and she’s had a bit of a weird crush on him ever since she saw a fanart of him with slicked back hair and a white t-shirt, but he is ultimately very creepy so she doesn’t think that would be a great idea. However, maybe fucking him with supervision would be okay. You both mentally move on. 

Maintenance man Joel takes off his pants and his above average sized cock is on full display. All four of you take turns sucking and fucking him and the whole ordeal is pretty gross when you think about it since there is spit and cum everywhere. 

Maintenance man Joel is overwhelmed to say the least. He is watching Chloe stripping while fucking Gracie who is going down on Toxic while you ride her face. You didn’t think the logistics of this would work but here you are. 

There’s a knock on the door and a man comes in, announcing his presence. 

Oh no, it’s Father Joel. Chloe forgot she invited him over. 

“Damn it, Father Joel,” she says, “I forgot I invited you over and now we’re having a group fuck and we need an extra dick so maybe it’s convenient that you showed up cause you’re a corrupt freak with a massive cock”. 

Father Joel stands in the middle of the living room while Chloe takes a break to drink some water and he takes off his pants to reveal his absolutely enormous cock. Maintenance man Joel rolls his eyes; Toxic and Gracie are all very interested in Father Joel all of a sudden. Chloe thinks that this is her chance to finally eat her leftover gluten free lasagna and says “I hate Father Joel anyways so please take him” and he loves the attention. 

Gracie gets on her knees in front of Father Joel and says “Please, Father, give me that dick”. Then he slaps her on the face with his cock and gives her a communion cracker. It doesn’t taste like much. Then she sucks his dick. 

You get on maintenance man Joel’s lap and start bouncing on his cock and asking how to stop your closet doors from jumping out of their tracks. He starts explaining and it’s incredibly boring but useful information.

Chloe and Toxic are looking at each other like “What the fuck” and Toxic says “You know what? Fuck it, let’s get the party started” and takes her phone out of her pants on the floor and calls someone to come over. 

The door opens again. It’s Lincoln Joel. He’s wearing the white t-shirt. Chloe is nervous but horny. 

Toxic says “You’re welcome, he’s fucking creepy as hell and I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole but I understand that’s how you feel about Father Joel, it is what it is” then goes over to Gracie, who is now riding Father Joel’s face, and gets on his dick so that they are now having a threesome. Everyone is sucking and riding and moaning and sweating and they are definitely going to get a noise complaint. Maintenance man Joel says “What the hell have I gotten myself into here, I thought I was just messing around with one annoying tenant who keeps calling me and now I am watching a threesome with an ordained priest”. 

Chloe isn’t sure what to do, this doesn’t seem like Lincoln Joel’s scene. He says, “Chloe, there’s a priest here, I think it’s best if we get married before we do anything”. Chloe says ok. Father Joel recites the entire marriage speech that priests give and he says “You may now kiss the bride”. Lincoln kisses Chloe and they go to the bedroom. Then they fuck as well and she’s enjoying the thrill but is also a little bit concerned that she is now legally Catholically married to this old man. Whatever.

Maintenance man Joel blows his load inside you and says he has to go home. You both leave and listen to the wet slapping sounds of the Joels and writers who are still fucking and sucking and riding. He drives you home in his truck and says you never saw him in that sin filled establishment, do you understand?

[pensat-i-fet]

A familiar face (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**I found this on my drafts and thought it could work for the request I got of writing something that involved some cute interactions with kids. I can try something else in the future if this isn’t good enough. And I hope everyone enjoys it anyways!! ❤️❤️**

Word count: 2512

Masterlist

Wattpad

“Auntie, please!!”, I hear my niece begging for the 20th time in the last two minutes.

“Leah, leave your aunt alone. If it was just you it’d be fine, but you can’t ask her to babysit your entire friend group”, I hear my brother say.

My niece Leah got tickets to go watch the next Manchester City match from one of her friends. She and two more friends want to go but neither my brother nor his wife can go to the match with them. So she wants me to take three kids with me to a stadium where there’ll be thousands of people. And a lot of them will be half-drunk by 3 pm. 

“Richie’s dad can come with us. Pleaaaaase!”

The idea of taking so many kids to a match terrifies me, but seeing the tears in my 8-year-old niece's eyes is a lot worse.

“Ok, I’ll take you”, I say to her. 

“You sure?”, asks my brother. But it’s too late to change my mind. I’ve already been tackled to the floor by Leah.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

And that’s how I find myself driving three kids and an adult I have never met before to the Etihad on a Sunday. 

“Don’t worry about them too much”, tells me Richie’s dad. “I’ll keep them in check. You enjoy the match too”.

The seats are in the fourth row. I’ve been to the Etihad before but never in such great seats.

Leah, Richie and Amanda sit in between Richie’s dad and me, to make sure we can keep an eye on them more easily. 

“Auntie! Can we get some food?”, asks Leah when the players are coming out to do their warm-up.

“Sure, what do you guys want? Also, what are you guys allowed to eat?”

To that, Richie’s dad laughs. “Burgers and fries should be fine. Maybe something sweet for the second half if everyone behaves, ok?”

They all nod and I move to go back inside and get the food for everyone.

When I get to the lower area of the stands, I turn to look at the pitch before heading to the stairs. The players are all divided into three groups, each doing a different type of exercise to warm up. 

Before I turn again to leave, I notice one of them looking at where I am. I look behind me to see who he might be looking at and find no one. But when I look back at him, he’s gone. 

“Here you go”, I say, trying to give everyone their food and not drop it. It was a struggle to bring it all back by myself.

“Thanks!!”, they all say in unison. They really want those sweets.

“Auntie”, says Leah, “who is your favourite City player?”

“Um…not sure, to be honest. I haven’t had the chance to watch them a lot this year but I guess De Bruyne is still a good answer, right?”

“Yes!!”, screams Richie, who is wearing his De Bruyne shirt.

“I like Mahrez”, says Amanda.

“Great choice!”, tells her Richie’s dad. “What about you Leah?”

“I would usually say Bernardo but I think I like Rúben Dias better today”.

“Why is that?”, I ask her.

“Because he’s going to give me his shirt after the match”.

I look at her confused. Where is she getting those ideas from? I don’t want her to think it’ll happen and then be sad when it doesn’t.

“Maybe he will, yes. But if he doesn’t it’s ok”, I say.

“No, I know he will”.

“Leah…”

“She’s right”, says Richie’s dad, surprising me. “He told her he would while you were gone”.

Now I really am confused. 

When the teams go out to start playing, I lean down and whisper to Leah. “Which one is Dias?”

I really haven’t been watching them in the last couple of seasons. I’m not super familiar with the new players.

“Number 3. He’s looking at us right now”, she says, pointing at one of the players.

When I look up, I see she’s right. And I see that it’s the same player I saw looking my way before.

The match ends with a 3-0 win for City. And by that time, I’m more than ready to go home. The kids have been good, but they are a lot of work.

I’m so tired I actually forget about Leah and her deal with Dias. But she hasn’t forgotten, of course. And neither has he.

He approaches our area, pointing at Leah and asking her to come closer. She grabs my hand and runs downstairs.

“Hi, what’s your name?”, asks her Rúben.

“Leah. And this is my auntie”.

When she says that, he looks at me and I don’t really know what to do anymore. Not only is he ridiculously good-looking, but he also has one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. And he’s directing that smile at me right now. 

“Hi”, he says to me.

“Hi”, I say back, surprised I managed to get a word out.

“So, can I have your shirt?”, asks Leah, interrupting the moment.

“Of course”, he says, giving Leah another smile. A different type of smile, though. 

When he takes his shirt off, I try to look away. I’ve always had a thing for tall and strong men like him. 

“Did you enjoy the match?”, I hear Rúben say. And when I look at him, I realise the question is directed at me, not Leah.

“Yes. It was great. You were all great”.

“Auntie, we need to go. Richie’s dad is calling us”.

I turn to make a gesture to Richie’s dad, letting him know we’ll be there in a second. And then turn back to Rúben, who is still there, looking at me.

“Thanks for the shirt. We have to go”.

“Right”, he says, looking unsure of himself all of a sudden. “I hope I get to see you, both of you, at another match”.

And with that, he runs to join his teammates. What did just happen?

                                       **

Working at a bookstore is a bit of a dream for me. I get to be surrounded by books and get a discount when buying them. And of course, I buy way more than I should. I love chatting with customers about the novels they want to buy and helping them discover some hidden gems. I even advised my bosses to create a "staff recommends" shelf where we could put all our favourites so customers could ask us about them. And it's definitely helped increase the sale of some more unknown books.

I am on that shelf now, talking to a lady about why the book Stephanie recommends will be great for her grandchildren. Once I've convinced the lady to buy not only that first book but the second and third in the series too, Steph herself comes to the area where I’m working at the moment with an annoyed look on her face.

"Something wrong?", I ask.

"It's madness down there", she sighs. "There is someone famous and people are fighting to get photos taken with him".

"Someone famous?", I ask, curious as to who could come to our little shop. "Like, an author?"

We sometimes get authors coming to the store to sign some of their novels, so that's my first thought.

"No, I don't know who he is but even the children are going mad".

"That's intriguing. How about you stay here and I go to your place so I can see this famous guy. Now I'm curious", I laugh.

"Go ahead. I'm not coming downstairs until he leaves. Two kids stepped on my feet to get to him", says Steph, rubbing her feet with a painful look.

"I'll be careful", I say with a chuckle while I make my way downstairs.

I'm not even halfway down when I see him. The guy everyone wants a photo with is none other than Rúben.

I freeze and just stare at him, smiling and taking photos with everyone. Being particularly cheerful for the adoring children.

"Sorry, miss, I need to go downstairs", I hear being said behind me. When I turn around, I see a woman waiting for me to move since I'm blocking the stairs.

"Of course, sorry. You go first", I tell her, moving to the side.

I move to Steph's checkout area, trying not to look at Rúben. And trying to control my nerves. 

"Hello?"

When I hear the voice, I look up from the computer to find Rúben staring at me, with five books in his hands. 

"Hi. Can I help you?", I say, trying to remain professional and not show my shock at him being here. He won't even remember me anyway.

"I would like to pay for these", he says with a smile. He's even closer than he was at the match. And he's even more gorgeous dressed in an all-black outfit than he was with his sky blue City kit.

"Of course", I say before I start to scan the books. "This one is great", I say, noticing he picked one of my recommendations from last month.

"I'll have to read that one first then", he says, making me look at him again. He seems to be looking at my face trying to find something there. So I look down again, nervously.

"Do you have a loyalty card?"

"I do but I don't have it with me now".

"Oh that's ok", I tell him. "Just tell me your phone number and I'll find your profile in our system".

When I find it, I look up at him and ask. "Rúben, right?"

"Yes. But you already knew that".

"I'm sorry?", I say, shocked by his comment.

"We talked at the match the other day when I gave my shirt to your niece. I know you know who I am", he says, laughing at my expression.

"Right. Yeah. Um…I did not expect you to remember me", I say, blushing fiercely. "There were thousands of people there".

"Yes, but some faces are easier to remember than others", he says, leaning closer.

When I look into his eyes, I lose the sense of time and place for a second. Until I start to notice how long the line behind him is.

"Um…right. Are you paying with card or cash?"

"Card, please".

"Of course, it's ready now".

"You know", he says while entering his pin number in the machine, "since you know my number now from the loyalty card, maybe you could use it to let me know more book recommendations".

What?

"I don't think I'm allowed to use the client's private information for personal purposes", I tell him putting his receipt in his bag and giving it to him.

"You got my permission to do it", he says with a big smile. "Bye, hope to see you soon. It was nice to find a familiar face here today".

"Bye…thanks for…umm…the purchase", do I know words?

He just smiles again and leaves. I turn slightly to watch him walk to the front door when I hear a throat being cleared.

Right, I'm still at work. I forgot for a second.

“Sorry, sir. How can I help you?”

                                       **

A couple of days later, I’m putting some new releases on the shelf when I hear Stephanie approaching and talking to someone else.

“Yes, there she is! She’ll be able to help you”.

“Thanks”.

I turn to look at who’s talking to find Rúben looking at me, a big smile on his face.

“You didn’t give me those book recommendations I asked for, so I had to come back to get them. The book you told me was good was incredible. I read it in one sitting”.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it”, I tell him, moving away from the mountain of books I still need to sort out. “But…this feels a bit stalkerish. No offence!”

He just laughs and raises his hands.

“I get it. It does. But I swear I didn’t know you worked here. That was a coincidence. A great one, I might add”.

To that, I look down to hide my blush.

“So”, he continues, “can you recommend more books to me or not?”

“Sure, that’s what I’m here for. Let me tell one of my colleagues to continue sorting this pile before”.

"Were you looking for some romance?", I say, pointing at the first section we walk past.

He looks at me with a small smirk on his face. I guess he got the double meaning. "Maybe, but not in my books".

"You don't fancy reading about a hot Duke that will make you swoon?", I say, holding a copy of Bridgerton.

"Not today", he laughs.

"Yeah, not my thing either".

"What type of books do you like?", he asks me.

"Literary fiction, fantasy, maybe some romance…it depends on my mood, really. I even read horror sometimes. Even though I'm a baby who can't watch horror movies".

"I might be interested in horror. But I'll need someone to hold my hand while I read in case I get scared".

When I turn to look at him, I notice how close he is.

"You've got plenty of big teammates that can do that for you I think".

He laughs. "Not what I had in mind".

Twenty minutes later, I walk Rúben to the checkout so he can pay for all the books he’s buying today. 

“Do you have a piece of paper?”, he asks.

“Sure”.

“Ok, here is my number. I gave it to you. And I want you to use it, ok?”

“I don’t know. I…”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No”, I say.

“Girlfriend?”

“Not one of those either”.

“So would you like to come on a date with me?”, he says.

As always, I want to overthink this. But what is it to overthink? A handsome, nice and smart guy wants to go on a date with me. 

“Yes”, I say, smiling at him.

“Perfect. Then text me your number and we’ll talk more about it”.

I nod, giving him his bag full of books.

“Do you actually want all those books or did you just buy them to have an excuse to talk to me?”

“Oh, I want them. But it’ll take me a year to read all of these. Another trip to try to woo you and I’ll have enough books to last me my entire life”, he says, blushing slightly.

I laugh at his words and say goodbye to him.

When I turn back to go upstairs and finish the job I was doing, Stephanie stops me.

“That’s the famous guy from the other day”, she says.

“Yes”.

“And he was flirting with you the whole time. How do you know famous people? And what does he even do to be famous?”

“Footballer. I met him when I took Leah to a match”.

“Shut up! Are you dating a football player?”

“I’m not dating anyone”, I laugh.

“He looked like he’d be happy to change that”, she winks before leaving.

I guess he did.

[hippiemisfit]

Hush (J.K.) 3

*banner made by me

Chapter Three- Police

pairing: jungkook x oc reader

word count: 1,591

warnings: mentions of death, intimidation, fear, manipulaiton, scary jk

-----------------------------------------------

He pulled me all the way back to my house and threw me on the ground next to the box. "Now we are going to try this again and this time you are going to do as I say. Or next time I won't be as nice."

I nodded my head and tried to grab the box. "Why did you kill him?" I asked. 

I was met with no response but I know he heard me.

Ugh whatever.

After struggling for what seemed like 30 minutes, I was finally able to lift the box with all my might. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it for long so I sped walk over to Carter's house and sat the box on his doorsteps.

I already feeling for the poor soul who was going to open it, either his mom or dad or worse Carter. I bet their reaction would be no different than mine. 

I walked back to my house and of course the hoodie figure, I got to give him a name, was gone. I heard a car come around the corner and saw that it was Carter's. I ran inside and closed the door peeking outside the window.

I watched Carter get out the car, reach into the back to get his shoes, and head to the front door. He looked down at the box and tilted his head to the side.

He bent down to open it and I dreaded watching him open it. I wanted to look away but I couldn't find it in me to. He slowly lifted the tops of the box and when it dawned on him what was inside, he turned and puked all over their grass. Once he was done emptying the contents of his stomach, he dropped his shoes and ran inside.

I quickly shut the blinds and fell down on the floor, tears streaming down my face. I can't believe that I helped cause him so much pain. I should've just called the police but I was given no choice and now that I have helped moved the box, does that make me an accomplice?

My mind raced as my inner monologue screamed at me to get up off of the floor but I couldn't bring myself to.  

.............................................

I guess I fell asleep on the floor because when I woke up it was getting dark outside. I got up off the floor and looked outside to see a couple of police cars sitting outside Carter's house. I see they called them. I saw two police officers walk out of their house and head towards mine.

Shit what do they want?

They knocked on the door,"Hello. Ms. Mahj is it. Can you open the door and let us in? We just have a few questions."

Ugh, just breathe in and out. They don't know that you moved the box. Just open the door.

I opened the door and let them in, leading them to the dining table.

"Where are your parents Mahj?" one of them asked as they sat down.

"They are out of town right now, they'll be back on Monday. Um do you guys want anything to drink?" I asked shifting back and forth on my feet, my nerves not letting me take a seat just yet.

"No thanks," the other one said. I nodded and sat down across from them.

"My name is officer Briggs and this is my partner officer Flanningan, we just have a few questions and then we'll be on our way," I nodded in understanding.

"Ok," he said pulling out a notepad," first question where were you between the hours of 10 pm and 12 am last night?"

"I was here last night," I said.

"Do you have anyone who can confirm that?" I shook my head. I saw him jot something down.

"Ok. Do you know anyone who would have something against your neighbor?"

"Which neighbor?" Yeah, you ain't about to trick me.

"Conner, he was found dead this afternoon. He body was cut up and put into a box."

"Wow um no I can't think of anyone who had something against him. You know other than the silent killer, you know he just goes around killing people for no reason. I mean he probably doesn't even know him and just decided to kill him anyway. I mean I don't know," I rambled out, wringing my hands together.

The cops looked at each other and then back at me," Um, ooook. Miss, we're going to have to ask you to come down to the station for further questioning. It seems you know more than you let on," they got up from their seats," Let's go."

I got up and followed them to the door, but stopped. "Hold on, can I put some food in my dog's bowl. I don't know how long we're going to be."

They nodded their heads and I went to the pantry and opened it. I looked down to get his kibble when I saw a pair of black shoes right beside it.

I slowly rose my head up and came face to darkness with the man who was currently ruining my life. I went to scream when his gloved hand covered my mouth and pulled me in the closet, shutting the door.

"I see that you don't do well under pressure. That's something I see we are going to have to work on. Now you've got two options. The first one is that I go out there and deal with those two officers who probably suspect you of murder.

Option number two is that you go out there and leave with them. But let's just say I'd advise you to take option number one.

I don't really think you'll like what you see as a consequence of your actions, even though for me it'll be very enjoyable. Trust me. Now I'm going to remove my hand from your mouth. The only thing you need to say is the option you are choosing ok."

I nodded my head in understanding. He moved his hand from my mouth and I reached down to grab Poco's food.

I turned and opened the door and whispered back," I guess I'll take my chances with option number two."

I walked out and closed the door. I put food in Poco's bowl and went with the police officers outside.

They escorted me to their car and I got in the back. I looked back at my house and I could see hoodie face staring at me through the window. Damn and I just left Poco in there with him.

..................................................

When we got to the precinct they took me into one of the interrogation rooms and left me by myself. You know the one with the one way mirror. The two officers came in and sat down, and one of them placed a tape recorder down on the table.

"Now Mahj, we're just going to ask you a few more questions and if you answer them truthfully we are going to let you go. If we feel like you are lying then we're going to ask you more questions until you tell us the truth. OK?"

I nodded my head.

"Ok well let's get started. When we were back at your house you said something about the Silent Killer. Now were you trying to say that he was the one who killed Conner?"

I nodded my head," Yes that's what I was trying to say."

He nodded his head and turned to look at Flannigan," Ok and how do you know this?"

"He told me."

His eyes bugged out," He told you? That means that you've been in contact with a serial killer. How long has he been contacting you?"

"Since last night and then again this morning, oh and he was also there before we left. He was hiding in the closet."

"He was in the house?!" Officer Flannigan asked.

"Yep."

"And you didn't say anything to us because?"

"He told me not to and I knew that I would be safe if I came with you two. I don't know why but he's obsessed with me for some reason. I don'-" the lights started to flicker.

Next thing I know both of the officers are convulsing on the ground. I raced over to their sides and started to bang on the glass. "Hey! We need help in here! I don't know what is wrong with them!" I yelled.

Nothing happened. "Hey! Is anyone even in there?!" I heard the chairs scrape behind me so I turned around to see both of the officers sitting back in their chairs.

Officer Briggs turned his head to face me,"If you are done banging on the glass, can you retake your seat." I looked at him like he was crazy. "Wait weren't you just- I know you were- am I going crazy?" I asked rubbing my hand across my forehead and headed back to my seat.

There was something off about the two of them. Like they weren't themselves.

"Ok Mahj, next question. Do you enjoy pissing people off or is it something you just do because you can't help it?"

My eyes widened,"What?"

He leaned closer to me and said,"Do you enjoy pissing people off or is it something you just do because you can't help it?" but this time he said it like I was a little kid and he was trying to explain something to me.

"Why are you asking me this?" I asked leaning back in my chair.

"I gave you two options and I told you that you wouldn't like the consequences if you chose the wrong one," he put his head in his hands,"So here we are," I saw a glint of green in his eyes,"let's have some fun."

[jmagnabo92]

PM - April 28 - 59 - Guidance

@prongsfoot-microfic

When James’ parents catch them in a not-so-innocent situation, they decide that the boys need parental guidance - Particularly Sirius.

AO3

***

“I just think that he needs some guidance in his life,” Effie says, jarring Sirius’ attention from his crossword puzzle.  He and James had been put in ‘time out’ (from each other) for the rest of the day ever since Effie and Monty Potter had caught them in James’ room having not-so-innocent fun.  

He’d been worried that they would kick him out – and considering his runaway status, he didn’t exactly have many choices on where he could go.  Thus, sitting here, a distance away from James since they literally used a spell to keep them apart as punishment and worrying that he might never get to be with him, again.

“I know, Effie, all I’m saying is that I’m not sure how to guide him,” Monty says.  “I was never – we didn’t…”

“Explore?” Effie questions.  “Things were different in our time.  There’s nothing wrong with it – we just need to guide them – especially Sirius.  Do you think the Blacks bothered to talk him through things?”

Monty groans.  “I don’t think that I could get through such an awkward conversation – especially… with the fact that he and James are already…”

Effie gives him a look.  “It’s our responsibility to make sure they’re both aware of the repercussions and to guide them into making the right choices – which include being careful about fooling around.”

“It’s just awkward.”

“Yes, well, it’s not just the fooling around – he’s been getting into all sorts of trouble at the school, running away…”

“Which brings us back to guidance…”

“He needs a good male role model.  Take him out, talk to him – help him realize that he’s got to grow up.”

“Alright – alright, I will.”

***

Sirius could admit that he probably needed some guidance in his life, but the awkwardness of the day with Monty would not leave his mind, especially when all he could think about was the scene that Effie and Monty had walked in on.  

Unfortunately, he couldn’t talk about it with James because they put spells on their bedroom doors to prevent another incident.  Seriously, they were practically adults – it feels all sorts of unnecessary.  

Annoyed, he grabs his mirror, “James!”

“Sirius?” James asks, as he appears in the mirror.  “I thought we were sleeping?”

“I can’t sleep – there’s all sort of awkwardness today.”

“My parents love you – yeah, it’s weird, but I promise that they’ll get over it.”

“That’s not – your dad wants to be a good role model for me and that’s weird.”

“It’ll blow over – just like the whole spells on our doors thing will blow over.”  

“I don’t know about that – the talk he gave me today about … all that … was rather – in depth.”

James laughs.  “Yeah, I know – I’ve heard it.  Look, mum and dad are just trying to do right by you since you ran away – and you can’t deny that you don’t need some parental guidance.”

“Their parental guidance is only somewhat appreciated – I’d appreciate it more if I could be laying next to you right now.”

James grins.  “Don’t worry – in a month we’ll be back at Hogwarts, and no one will keep us apart for our own good.”

“Sounds like a dream.”

“Which is what we should be doing,” James reminds him.  “Night, Si.”

“Night, Jay.”

With that the mirror goes blank and Sirius is left feeling somewhat better.  Maybe the Potters were right and if they weren’t – well, it was only another month until he’d have unfettered access to James whenever he wants.  With that lovely thought, he drifts off to sleep dreaming of all of the chaos he and James’ll get into together once they’re back at Hogwarts.

[tunabesimpin]

Hi Tuna! Congrats on getting 800 followers and kudos to you for taking on this big milestone project!

That said, mind if I submit my Yuusona for this?

She hasn't gone to the beach in years, but the last time she went, she and her dad collected sea shells, looked for sea critters on the rocks and in the water, and let the waves hit their legs as they stood still.

At the party, Yuu plans to collect seashells and look for sea critters, but may pause to try to play volley ball and is willing to join a water fight. The thing they won't do if they had a choice is go swimming--they just don't like swimming in the ocean.

Their favorite color is honey yellow. They're going to be bringing a canvas bag holding sunscreen, sandals, and a bottle of water and they'll be carrying a body towel.

Yuu will be bringing along their sentient teddy bear and Grim. The teddy is especially excited to look for sea shells and maybe cool rocks (and Yuu is going to have to make sure it doesn't pick up a crab or get swept away by the waves. . . oh nelly). Yuu managed to convince Grim to come along by saying it wouldn't be a great party without him and it wouldn't feel complete if it was just her and the teddy. . . and also he'd be missing out on the food (lol).

Bo y howdy. I don't want to make this longer than it already is (plus Tumblr doesn't allow links to be shared while anonymous)--would it be cool if I sent the references through PM?

(btw this is yuus-sentient-teddy, but I'm following you under a different blog--I can let you know through PM which one it is!)

---

When Yuu wanted to go shell collecting, they didn't expect Grim to take it to extremes like he did. To be fair though, when has Grim ever not been rambunctious? Yuu, Teddy and Grim were all collecting shells together and at some point Grim made it into a contest to see who could have the bigger pile of treasure.

Yuu could only sigh seeing the mighty Grim run amuck on the beach search for the best of the best shells. Turning back to the selection of shells Teddy had been collecting, Yuu carefully examined each one. The vibrant colors were stunning. Teddy had outdone himself in his search. Yuu smiled and pulled one her own shells out, a large clam shell adorned with a red and white marble appearance. She held it out to teddy and pointed to one of his shells for a trade. Teddy gave a pleasant look and handed Yuu the shell they picked out.

It was a tender display, but that only lasted a moment as Grim came bouncing back. "NYAHAHA FEAST YOUR EYES!" Grim plopped a conch shell atop his pile of treasure, popping shells below out from the pile. It was quite the sight to find a conch in such good condition. Yuu and Teddy awed over the mighty Grims find, that was until a certain uncanny eel began to make way over the horizon.

Jade was quickly catching up to Grim, his signature closed mouth smile plastered on his face "Oh Grim surely you were going to repay me for my hard work getting that conch shell weren't you?" Yuu eyed the now cowering cat monster behind her, 'Grim what have you gotten us into this time...'

---

Thank you thank you!!!! I was so excited to have a more Grim& Yuu centric story this time! Your Yuu and the teddy is so cute. I hope you can enjoy this!

[frogwithhatto]

Froggo!! Can you post some domestic Vessel headcannons? Like what he would be like if you two were living together or something like that 🥺 (or just whatever you feel like!!)

Domestic Vessel

Pairing: Vesselxgn!reader

Summary: What it would be like to live with Vessel. It’s just a bunch of fluffy headcanons tbh.

Tw: none ?

Notes: This was literally written yesterday night and I only proofread it once bc I got so excited so I hope there aren’t any mistakes! Thank you for the request anon I loved the idea!!

- He’s not that good at cooking but he will try to make fancier stuff for you every now and then. He definitely taught himself how to make your favourite and your comfort food. Most of the time you two would cook together probably listening to some music while doing so. Get ready for silly dances and hopping around the kitchen with him but also if there’s a romantic song playing he would definitely slow dance with you.

- We know Vessel is a little science nerd so get ready to watch documentaries with him for hours! He definitely loves the serious super interesting ones but oh boy he’s a sucker for the trashy alien and/or gold digger ones. You know those really bad ones that never get to the point? Because those can get hard to watch you two would play Uno while watching!

- I also feel like he loves reading so get ready for sitting next to each other on your couch/bed your legs crossed over his lap sharing a blanket while either both of you read or he reads and you play nintendo (or whatever you like)

- If you’re not that big of a reader (or if you’re tired) he would definitely read his book to you. Like imagine you having your head in his lap as he makes funny voices for the different characters? He would be so cute!

- You’re the first to hear new lyrics and song ideas! „babe? Quick tell me if this slaps.“ (proceeds to play the most random thing you’ve ever heard but it does in fact go hard) He would also play guitar/piano for you if you asked him to. He definitely has recorded you a cover of your favourite song or even written you a song for a special occasion before

- He’s bath guy because I said so. He will bathe at least once a week if not more and he will ask you to join him not in a sexual way but more in a „let me wash your hair for you“ kinda way. If he has a bad day you would draw him a bath making sure to use his favourite bath salt and pick one of your oversized hoodies out for him to wear after it.

- Vessel is a big my clothes are yours and your clothes are mine guy. Will steal your hoodies, shirts and even jewellery.

- On the other hand if you had a bad day get ready for some cuddles and a comfort movie/show of your choice. (If you want to be alone he’s also very understanding but he will check on you from time to time asking if you need anything.)

- Lazy Sundays with Vessel would include sleeping in and after waking up you would start off the day by cuddling for as long as you wanted to. At some point you two would get up to make breakfast together and after it you either go straight to bed again to catch up on a show you’re watching or you get ready to go out (if you’ve made plans to go somewhere)

- „You wanna go take a walk in the woods??“ „Vessel it’s 10 pm… it’s super dark, cold and isn’t it raining outside?“

- He will leave notes for you around the apartment if he knows you will be home before he is. A little „I love you“ with squiggly hearts around it sticking on the fridge or maybe a random dad joke with a doodle on your dresser to make you smile.

- He will definitely send you postcards when he’s touring! Sometimes letters as well he’s a hopeless romantic which include the most random stuff. „The logo on this tag reminded me of you.“ „I thought you would like this flower I picked and pressed for you.“ You definitely keep everything he sends you though. Sometimes the letters will also include Polaroids of him and the other Vessels! (Maybe even a picture II took of him when he was writing said letter)

[anthroparis]

ok so I made this list thinking about how I acted in high school (very edgy and a hater) and what my dynamic would've been like with each of these individual people at that time in my life. this has nothing to do with my opinion on the characters, simply whether I would've gotten along with them or not.

some of these stories are based on real things and some are made up based on vibes. not saying which ones tho

author's note: if I had to describe how I was in high school with one character, it would be john bender from the breakfast club. if you haven't seen the breakfast club, it's your responsibility to fix that because it's one of the best high school movies ever made.

additional note: I no longer identify with john bender. I was edgy and terrible in school because I had a tremendously bad home life with my mom and zero rules, so I just did whatever I wanted and I made a lot of bad choices and did a lot of bad things to other people that I do regret now. I am a morally gray female character.

individual explanations under the cut

Best Friend Tier

DUDcan: as much as I hate him as a character? we'd be real as fuck irl. he'd be the one to go to for alcohol and cigarettes and we'd do LSD for the first time in his dad's pickup truck in a church parking lot at 11 PM together. I'm not kidding either I can so crisply imagine being sixteen and talking about our bad relationship with our parents in his dingy cesspool bedroom while his family is out having a dinner he wasn't invited to. we would have a lot of "are we dating?" moments but truthfully we never really had feelings for each other beyond platonic. he was also an asshole to me and I was an asshole to him and that's just how the bond was. I had a lot of trouble with his girlfriends because I was the girl best friend who they saw as a "backup girlfriend" when that was never the case. I was never friends with his gfs, and the periods in which he dated them were times when I would hang out with other people.

Okay Friends Tier

DJ: he seems like the kind of person I SHOULD'VE hung out with more in school but didn't because I didn't want to be reminded that my behaviors weren't healthy. he still seems like someone who'd take a lot of pity on me and make an active effort to be kinder. the kind of person who'd let me stay the night at his house when I didn't want to be in mine. he'd have a bunch of pets which would be awesome and his mom(s) would let me stay in the very nice guest room that I would feel SO bad using (but they would insist, because the couch is too uncomfortable for sleeping) and they'd make me breakfast and tell me I was welcome back whenever I needed.

Leshawna: someone I wouldn't get along with at first but who, over the years, would become the only person I could talk to about certain things and not feel judged. similarly to DJ, I think she'd take a lot of pity on the things going on in my life. She would move to another school or city or something in junior year but we'd keep in contact and every few months one of us would reach out just to catch up and swap stories and advice on the things going on in our lives.

Cameron: I actually wouldn't remember how we met, we just kinda started hanging out one day and that was that. he figured out that I had the benefit of getting mean people to leave me alone (either by intimidating them or by being friends with them lol) and would stick to me. kind of like a younger sibling. he'd also figure out that I don't mind listening to people infodump about their interests and would take great liberties to talk to me about whatever he was thinking of. he comes off as someone who would have a lot of trouble making friends because of a lack of empathy and difficulty in casual social situations, which I understand. we probably wouldn't keep in touch after we graduated, but we'd remember each other.

Katie and Sadie: let's be real for a moment. they would both get SO bullied for being dumb and loud. but they would also be so nice and would likely be the only female friends I had who'd be nice to me and treat me like a girl. ykwim. they seem the type to like, I dunno try to bleach their hair at home and freak out when it turned orange instead of blonde and they'd call me super panicked cause they don't want to be ginger and their moms already told them they weren't allowed to bleach their hair until college and I'd have to come over and help them. and they'd teach me how to do makeup in a way I still do to this day.

Rock and Spud: probably some of duncan's friends who I'd befriend through association. not much to say other than they know a good dealer and are generally nice people. they'd give me music recs and I'd return the favor and then we'd talk about the songs the next day. one year they'd be the only people to remember my birthday and get me a bunch of CDs and tapes.

Ryan: sat with me in english class. really smart guy, super perceptive, and we'd talk a lot about themes and stuff and get really good grades together. wouldn't talk much outside of class.

Sam: I feel like he'd start off in the pity tier because I mean. he would get SUPER bullied. but also over time I think he'd generally just be a fun person to talk to. I'd hang out in his dad's garage and watch him and his friends play mario kart together.

Scott: AGAIN a character who I don't like a lot but who I'd definitely get along with. would be a "our parents knew each other before high school so we hang out when there's no one else" situation. he would let me drive his pickup even though I don't have a license because he doesn't believe in the DMV. and we'd drive out to his family farm and wander into the corn fields and find weird bugs and stuff and talk about life. he'd steal his dad's cigars and we'd smoke them under that One Tree. I don't know how many of you have actually been on a family farm but there's always that one tree with the rotting car skeleton under it. we'd sit in that car and smoke and talk about bullshit for hours.

Civil Out of Pity Tier

Beth: sat across from me in science class. SUPER sweet, even though I'm pretty sure I made her aa little uncomfortable. would constantly talk about her boy band crushes and going to the formal in a new dress her mom sewed just for her and I'd nod along cause I really wouldn't have anything to say back but I had no reason to be rude. she'd have a lot of friends who I think were even more scared of me but I didn't bother with them anyway.

Ella: remember that one girl from the breakfast club who's label was "the basket case" and who everyone regarded as being crazy? yeah that's her. people would be nice to her face and then make fun of her behind her back in a way that'd bother me so much I'd go out of my way to be nicer to her. fight back against the system rahhh

Leonard + Tammy: DND kids before DND was cool. relentlessly bullied. I think both of them would have wicked drawing skills for their characters, though, and we'd have a few good conversations about folklore because I love that shit and all of my other friends would pick on me for it.

Jay + Mickey: were clearly trying to fly under the radar. first day of freshman year the homeroom teacher would announce to everyone that they both have life threatening allergies and carry epi pens, so if they had a reaction everyone would know what to do. and this would be super humiliating for both of them and I'd take pity for that alone. they're literally just trying to be normal.

Mike: one of those kids who'd be INSANELY nice to compensate for his visible mental illness. would get relentlessly picked on by teachers for having issues with memory and acting out sometimes, both of which I also experience cause I too had an undiagnosed dissociative disorder. I'd so badly want to be like "hey, man, I get it" but I wouldn't get too close just cause I felt like it wasn't my place. I'd try to be nice at least.

Nothing Against Them Tier:

Owen: we would get partnered for an english project and actually have a pretty good time making it, and then on the day of the presentation he'd fake being sick so I'd have to present it alone. I wouldn't hold it against him tho.

Tyler: our only interactions would be him asking me to explain assignments cause he sat behind me in auto or something and didn't understand what the teacher said, ever.

Crimson + Ennui: surprising even me, I just can't imagine myself being buddy-buddy with these guys. I think they had their own loner thing going on in a much more passive way than I did, and we didn't mess with each other out of a shared understanding, but we never really talked, either.

Something Against Them Tier:

Amy: she would intimidate me and I would steer VERY clear of her to avoid conflict. looking back on high school, I would later find that she probably didn't even notice my existence.

Anne Maria: would make fun of me but I wouldn't want to start shit with her because everyone already disliked her anyway and I was pretty sure she could hand me my ass on a platter if she wanted to.

Brick: army guy. immediate grounds for conflict with me. but I think we'd have a discussion where I'd say that I think veterans need better accommodations because like every man in my family has been enlisted in the military and he'd respect me so much for that we wouldn't ever argue again. then four years after graduation Leshawna would be like "oh brick? yeah he turned out to be gay and he's a designer now" and I'd be like oh great so all of that was for nothing.

Bridgette + Geoff + Brody: it'd be 113 degrees outside and they STILL wouldn't wear deodorant

Kitty: too happy. I'd find that suspicious.

Lindsay: being dumb doesn't excuse all the passive-aggressive bullying she would do. I wouldn't be mean back because I don't think she even realized she was being a dick but I would eat up her downfall after Heather decided they couldn't be friends anymore.

Sammy: we would have one single conversation in which it would become apparent to me that what she needs is a person who can constantly reassure her, be there for her, and serve as an emotionally stable figure of authority. that person would NOT be me.

Sanders: rules enjoyer. "erm don't we have homework due today" right before the end of class type chick. would get me in trouble for skipping.

Staci: I didn't like talking to people. personal hell world nightmare.

Would Sit Behind Me in Math Class and Try to Smell My Hair Tier

self explanatory

Mutual Dislike

Noah: I was not good at academics in school and he seems like someone who would latch on to that and take every opportunity to talk down to me and treat me like a pet until dudcan and I beat him up one day after school. fuck you noah.

Alejandro: popular. he would've been secretly in love with me for several years of high school tho. like whatever Juno (2007) said about attractive popular guys being really into weird scary chicks.

Gwen: we would have had beef one way or the other. I have no other notes we just would've.

Carrie: one of those girls who made her first boyfriend her entire personality. we would've been paired up in math class or something and she would've spent the entire project talking about devin until she realized I was ignoring her and didn't care. and then she never would've talked to me again.

Dakota: popular. idc how nice she actually was, every time I saw a rich skinny blonde girl in high school my kill instinct was activated.

Dawn: I laughed in her face when she asked me what my spirit animal was.

Devin: I can't actually explain this one but he seems like someone who would traumadump on literally anyone who started a conversation with him. I'd be trying to talk about the discussion question in english class and he'd be like "it's just so hard to think about school since my grandma died and my girlfriend dumped me and my dog left me for a better owner 🥺" and teenage me couldn't do empathy so I'd be like "okay."

Ellody + Mary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIarrG9ZO4I

The Vegans (I can't remember their names): I actually shouldn't have to explain this one. I'm vegetarian and even I would've found them insufferable.

MacArthur: she would have a sense of humor that I didn't find funny so every time she would crack a joke and I'd stare blankly back she'd feel insecure and proceed to compensate for it by making fun of me for the next half an hour.

Tom + Jen: they would passive-aggressively make fun of me for dressing weird and I'd tell them I could go into Hobby Lobby and see eighty christian moms who were dressed just like them. then they would just talk behind my back

Topher: he was either extremely repressed or just plain metrosexual but either way he had something against lesbians and would call me a dyke* because I cut my hair short.

*tumblr weirdos please be advised that I can reclaim this

Mutual RESPECT Tier:

Eva: IRL I actually had a surprising amount of friends in high school who were gym rats. probably because I also was kind of a jock. but yes Eva would see me once at the dojo and all of a sudden we would start nodding at each other while passing each other in the halls.

Harold: sat next to me in French class. the teacher would hate him for his autistic swag because he would interrupt constantly to correct them when they said something wrong. I would find that hilarious because I fucking HATED like 90% of the teachers in hs (again. bad at academics) and would back him when the teacher tried to get him in trouble.

B: he's smart but not in an obnoxious way. he has the vibes of someone who I'd know before school because our parents are friends or something and we never quite got along but I know he'd have my back if it came down to that

Sierra: okay listen to me. we wouldn't be friends but I don't think she would be scared of me either so any time we were in close proximity she'd talk my ear off about dan and phil or whatever the fuck and I'd just take it because trying to get her to shut up would be literally impossible. I would be aware of the fact that she wrote rpf on wattpad but I strongly believed in minding my own business so I wouldn't say anything unless I was directly asked about it. and then she'd ignore me and keep talking.

Jo: same thing as Eva except I think she'd talk to me more.

Sky: same thing as Eva but she'd somehow talk to me even less.

Stephanie: you will notice that there's a lot of hated characters in the mutual respect tier. this is because people did not like me in high school and I found it easier to hang out with all the other kind of terrible people than to try to fit in.

Sugar: see above

Lightning: he would be okay with me by association through Jo

Physical Violence Tier:

heather and taylor both come off as people who talk a lot of shit to and about other girls because they don't expect them to really do anything about it. but I used to beat up the girls who were mean to me in high school. then they'd never bother me again!* lalalalala

*please let it show on the record that I do not condone violence unless it's absolutely necessary

Extreme Mutual Hatred Tier:

Courtney: class council president, founder and president of the environmental coalition, does 8 hours of volunteer work every weekend, class valedictorian, 4.00 GPA, overly pretentious and smug. kind of the same thing with noah but worse because she's not just being sarcastic, she's dead serious about thinking she's better than everyone else. we would get into a mutual physical fight at one point or another.

Emma: kind of the same thing as courtney except those two would have an academic rivalry and it would be hilarious to watch from the outside. would tire herself to death with AP classes and dual enrollment just to go to state, which I also got into. I would find that very satisfying.

Jacques + Josee: would call me fat and I'd call their "sport" an insult to actual skaters. one of the few battles I'd willingly pick with other athletes because I know for a fact that Eva and Jo would hate them too and would back me if things got messy.

Scarlett: same thing as emma and courtney but one time in computer science I saw her using the 3D modeler to construct her own original saw traps and I steered clear of her after that. I'm pretty sure she wanted to commit acts of violence against the other smart girls

Never Spoke To Tier:

Ezekiel: homeschooled

Izzy: for some reason I just cannot imagine talking to her. like I'd know who she was when someone brought her up but otherwise? I just cannot imagine one single conversation

Trent: duncan and I would make fun of him for playing his guitar in his car in the whole foods parking lot after school

Beardo: doesn't speak

Chet and the other one who's name I can't remember: I think the fact that I don't even really remember their names says enough

Justin: popular and probably wouldn't even notice my existence, and I'd like it that way

Max: I would NEVER remember who he is sorry. he also comes off as someone who'd be really hard to have a conversation with

Jasmine: foreign exchange student who I really wouldn't care enough about to try to talk to.

Shawn: EXTREMELY anti-social, wouldn't talk to anyone

I Don't Want to Talk About it Tier:

we both noticeably liked each other at the same time for several years and never did anything about it because I don't pursue people and he was too scared to approach me

Toxic Friendship Tier:

okay I like zoey as much as the next guy but you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me she wouldn't be the worst possible person to be friends with. she seems like someone who'd get mad at something I said and then instead of addressing it with me, start acting really passive-aggressive and expect me to just KNOW what I did. she'd literally make me beg to find out why she's mad and then refuse to tell me because I should "know". would get upset over the fact that I don't respond to her PMs fast enough and either be extremely clingy or give me the silent treatment as a punishment. would take everything I did that even mildly upset her as a personal attack. would get jealous over the other people I hung out with and then when we all spent time together, she'd just act really rude and uptight. once slapped me "as a joke" and then tried to laugh it off when I gave her that Look. begged me to take her to a frat party when we were underage and then left me there to take an ecstasy tablet in some college guy's car so I had to call duncan to pick me up and he made fun of me while driving home. didn't know how to handle her alcohol so I had to drive her home in her own car every. single. time. sent me songs to listen to and then I had to pretend I liked them or she'd get sad. would have occasional breakdowns where she admitted she knew that she was being terrible to me and then nothing would change. all while I sat there like :| okay zoey. YES I HAVE KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THIS IRL BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING. THEY SUCK. I LIKE ZOEY AS A CHARACTER. BUT THESE GIRLS WILL KILL YOU AND SELL YOUR INTESTINES TO AFFORD MORE SMITHS RECORDS.

[purplesurveys]

1639

When was the last time you went out of state? Outside of my city and of Metro Manila, this would’ve been last December.

And where did you go? We drove to Tagaytay to attend a Christmas family reunion on my dad’s side. And holy FUCK was it cold. It was perfect lol.

What does the 6th text in your inbox say? I’m not checking that on a Sunday night; my Messages app is like 99% for work purposes anyway these days. Do you even like the person who sent you that text? I wouldn’t be able to know who that is as I can’t be bothered to open my texts.

Do you have more than one best friend? I have two amazing best friends.

In public restrooms, do you flush the toilet with your foot? Yes. Unless it’s those button thingies on the tank cover, in which case I’d have no choice but to begrudgingly flush with my fingers.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? Wild Flower by RM and Cho Youjeen, but that’s also because it’s playing at the moment.

Name one thing you worry about running out of: Energy and will to work. I’ve been resilient the last three years despite the burnout that consistently makes its presence known, and I’m always just able to...achieve stuff? Get promoted? Perform beyond expectations? I’m very lucky to apparently keep doing the right things, but I also don’t want to push myself too much; that’s why I’ve been a lot more rigid about stopping work at 6 PM sharp, declining work I know wouldn’t fit on my plate, and not normalizing weekend work as much as I used to. Setting boundaries is super important if you want to make long-term things continue to work for you.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? I don’t have either of these.

Spell your first name without T, E, R, A, or L. Hi, I’m Obyn!

How old were you when you had your first kiss? I was 16, I think. 16 going on 17 it was.

Do you ever save Aim conversations? I was never on AIM.

If you were a crayon what color would you be? Purple.

Do you wish your eyes were a different color? If so, what? No. An overrrrrrwhelming portion of Asians have brown eyes anyway, and it’d look super unnatural if I were to go for a different color.

What is the 4th digit in your phone number? I’m not sharing that.

Who was the last person to comment you on Myspace? I never did use Myspace a lot... Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? No.

Your phone’s ringing; who do you want it to be? I don’t want it to be anyone. Right now, I’m most likely to ignore the call lol.

Have you lied to get out of a date? Nah but I’ve run into a related scenario. I had this classmate in college who wanted to hang out with me outside of school, and it was giving me alarm bells all over the place regarding his motives. I remember asking if my girlfriend at the time could come along, and he never replied back to me. So I didn’t lie, but it was something I had to do to get out of that date he wanted lol.

Was your mom a cheerleader in high school? She wanted to be a cheerleader but there weren’t any varsities or squads for it at the time.

Do you still have pictures of your ex? No I got rid of them all within like a week of breaking up.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald’s? Last Thursday. Held an event for a new product.

Do you think more about the past, present or future? Present and future.

Are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on the scenario, but I like being a listener more. What do you wear to bed? Something thin, airy, and short so I can be comfortable the whole evening.

Do you like ketchup or mustard better? I’ve never understood the appeal of mustard. I don’t like ketchup either (unless it’s banana ketchup) but between that and mustard, it’s definitely slightly better.

Did you ever have a Furby when you were little? No. As far as I know those things were never popular here.

Did you eat a cookie today? Nah, haven’t had anything sweet today. I had the sweetest cupcake known to man last Friday, so I’m good to go as far as dessert for like the next month or so lol.

What do you and your parents fight about the most? Miscommunication. My mom will say something, I interpret it in a different way than she intended, she takes offense, we get into a misunderstanding. With my dad, I tend to tell him off about politics the most just because he’s super apathetic while I think it’s such a sorry state to be in.

How old will you be in 15 years? Assuming I’ve already had my birthday this year and have turned 25, I’ll be 40.

Is summer your favorite season? I like the wet (rainy) season.

Chinese, Mexican, or Italian food? Mexican to me is the most flavorful. How many states have you lived in? We don’t have states.

When is the last time you saw your mom? 30 minutes ago.

Do you like the band Mayday Parade? I tried getting into them back when they were considered cool to like in like Grade 7 and high school, but couldn’t find a spark with their songs. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up today? How much I wanted to take a shower.

Do you think dance/techno music is annoying? Not annoying, but I find the vast majority of it repetitive and boring.

What year were you born? 1998.

Do you shop at Hollister? No. I don’t think we ever had Hollisters here anyway so this question is irrelevant to me.

Grab the nearest book and turn to page 17. What is the 4th word? ‘Suspended.’ What are you going to be for Halloween? I didn’t celebrate Halloween last year.

How many times have you seen your favorite movie? TOO MANY. I once watched it everyday for like a 6-month period and have been rewatching it multiple times every year since. Movie’s Two for the Road.

Do you own a Coach purse? Nope, not really a fan of the brand.

What’s your Myspace song right now? Don’t have a Myspace.

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you a pet name? Yes.

--

Name a product you buy mostly because it has a cool package. So the K-pop industry is one big capitalist motherfucker and will typically sell shit wherein Version 1 will give you the bare minimum, Version 2 will have some extra stuff in it but not include the whole package, and Version 3 will have everything, including the nice big flashy outbox. I always go for Version 3.

Are you purposely hiding something from someone? For the last two weeks I’ve hidden my annoyance towards Reena because of how she’s derailed a few things about our Thailand trip, but most of that has been resolved now so we’re good. But yeah, there are stuff I’ve had to bite my tongue from saying.

What’s the most intimate thing you’ve discussed with a stranger? Back when I was fixing my admissions requirements for college, I was tagged as possibly having depression so I was whisked to the campus guidance counselor so they could gauge what the issue was. Pretty self-explanatory from there, but basically I hated being interrogated especially about something as private as my mental health so I just carefully dodged everything they asked.

What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? I’m not a big fan of cake but if anybody insisted on getting me one, I’d appreciate cheesecake the most. 

Is your house usually too warm or too cold in the winter? We don’t have winter.

Have you ever been in love with someone much older or younger than you? Nope.

Are there any songs that make you feel angry inside when you hear them? Eh, not really. When was the last time you sat on the ground, outside w/nothing under you? Around two weeks ago when I was waiting for my Grab to arrive. I had been on my feet the entire day then and just wanted a place to sit.

Would you rather have someone ask to kiss you, or just kiss you? Just do it.

What the most recent thing to needed an Rx med for? My sprained ankle. Angela’s mom, bless her heart, wrote a prescription for me without charge. She does that for me whenever I get into a medical emergency which fortunately doesn’t happen a lot. She did it for me too when I got a UTI and my previous prescription with another doctor wasn’t doing fuck all.

Have you ever had a job you loved? It’s a love-hate relationship more than anything, so no.

What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? Sweet potato fries or onion rings.

Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Fortunately not.

Are you in an argument with anyone right now? Nope.

What do you wish they would change or bring back on FB? Keep the senior citizens out. They can have the most ridiculous takes on shit, and are also the most likely to fall for and propagate false information.

Would you change your partner’s hair color if you could? I don’t have a partner.

Do you like “are we alike” surveys? They’re fine, but to keep them from feeling boring (aka just bolding) what I like to do is to expound on things that are true for me, and to some extent things that don’t apply to me. Same way a typical Q&A survey works.

Have you ever written a poem for someone? I haven’t, but I’ve had poems written for me.

What is a place you’ve vacationed at and would like to go back to? Jeju, South Korea. I have a better handle of the culture and language now, so I’d like to return.

Do you eat samples at the grocery store? I rarely take up the offer, even if it’s food I would normally like. Something about taking food from a stranger just screams unsanitary to me lol.

Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes, Carley’s Caucasian. I’ve tried keeping up our friendship for a few years, but she kept going off the radar at the most random moments without any heads-up, that I grew frustrated at some point and have just stopped following her back.

Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? Probably my ex during one of our big fights. People don’t typically do this to me.

Have you friended your parents on FB? Yep, I’m friends with both of them there.

What do you absolutely have to have to make your birthday feel special? My friends.

What’s the last tourist area you visited? Hm. Does BGC count as a tourist area? If it does, then that lol.

Where do you go out to eat for a special occasion? I always try to make it different every time; I don’t really have a go-to place.

When was the last time you went to a post office? I’ve never been to a post office.

Is there an item you are saving up to buy right now? Tickets for Yoongi, if we happen to do get a chance to snag them.

Are you psychic in any way? Nope. No one is.

Do you prefer a laptop or desk top? Which are you on now? Laptop. Haven’t used a desktop since high school.

You find $20, spend it before midnight or it disappears, how do you spend it? Get the version of Jack In the Box that I’m still missing, ha.

Do you like wallpaper? No.

Mice or roaches? Mice I guess even though I can be freaked out by both. I definitely fucking hate cockroaches.

Did you give or get any Valentines this year? Neither.

Have you ever been in a submarine? I haven’t.

What is the last lie someone told you, or you suspect they told you? Probably my associate telling me ‘yes’ when I asked if she’s done this and that thing.

Have you ever received a gift and truly did not know what it was? Yeah. This Christmas I got these reusable Disney-themed ice blocks from a co-worker; I initially thought they were ice molds but I quickly realized the things themselves serve as ‘ice’ since they had water inside. Definitely found it kind of gross at first (who knows where that water came from???), but so far I haven’t been poisoned LMAO so I guess we’re still good.

What’s your homepage? I took out the Momentum extension forever ago so now it’s just the default Chrome page.

What was the last birthday gift you gave? I got Bea cookies for her birthday.

Do you have dessert after breakfast? I don’t even have breakfast.

Is there anyone whose grave you visit? My maternal grandfather.

Would you rather drive during the day or night? Love driving at night.

Is there a thing you enjoy doing, but quit because you are not good at it? Embroidery.

[thebutlers]

Year In Review

It is 9:00 PM on December 29th and I am sitting in my bedroom with painted nails that are drying. I went sparkly to ring in the festivities of New Year's and our upcoming trip to Mexico. I wanted to take some time to reflect on this last year with some questions I found on Pinterest and thought this would be the perfect time to start the blog up again...

My word for 2022: Celebration

Best thing I did for someone else this year: Although it was very mutually beneficial, moving in with my dad was something that I think really helped him. Being in our family home alone probably feels very lonely and so I am very glad Makoto and I lived with my dad during my pregnancy and the first four months of Kenzo's life.

Most memorable moment of the year: Although there were many moments that are in the running, I'd say the 24 hours between having my water break and starting labor. I feel like that time period is seared into my brain. From FaceTiming people telling them my water broke, quickly packing up our bags, spending a few hours in the hospital, deciding to go back home, going back to the hospital the next morning, almost having an emergency c-section, having family visit the room, to the start of more serious labor. It was a wild 24 hours.

One great compliment you received this year: One that I get over and over is that I am my mom's legacy. I so badly wish she was here, but to know that so many people see my mom in me and know that I am making her proud really gives me peace.

Best advice you received this year: I feel like one or two moms told me to trust my gut and I feel like that has been something I keep coming back to when it comes to parenting Kenzo and even other areas of my life. Things like co-sleeping, pureé feeding, all the affection we give him. Somehow it just feels instinctual to know what to do for Kenzo.

Something you had never done before: I haven't felt like I've truly led something before but when we said yes to leading at YWAM Denver I feel like we had to step up. We are in charge of setting culture, making the final call on decisions, and having people look to us. It's been very stretching to not only learn how to lead a base, but learn to lead people as well.

Favorite place you visited this year: We didn't travel too much this year. We went to Oregon, California, Colorado, and Mexico if I'm not mistaken. Obviously Mexico was my favorite. Between the stunning sunrises, my favorite people, and being at a resort I'd never been to, it was just a great time.

Biggest lesson learned: God doesn't owe us anything and that gratitude is always a choice. After mom died I wrestled with the why's and the frustration of her not being healed, but God is still good and His nature is good and so I don't have to understand why He did something if I know those things to be true. Also, it is very easy to find the negative or to focus on what you don't have but there is always something to be grateful for and there are usually way more good things happening in your life than there are bad things.

Most newsworthy event: Accepting the position of campus leaders of YWAM Denver. It is still crazy to me that this is our life and yet at the same time it's hard to imagine us doing anything else right now. I am very thankful Mak and I get to be in full time missions again and that we get to be in Colorado while we do it.

What/whom are you most thankful for this year: I am most thankful for Kenzo but that is so obvious. He changed my life. After him I would say that I have come to feel very thankful for my church family. I am blessed to have been able to walk with them for twenty years now and have such consistency with them. I look around on Sunday and am filled with gratitude that I am a part of this church body.

Favorite show of the year: I continued to watch the rest of the series of Gilmore Girls at the start of this year and then Mak and I got into House for a few months. I'm rewatching GG since we moved onto the base and that's been fun. I love that show!

Favorite moments of the year:

+ Biking from our house in HB to Pacific City or a bench across from the ocean to think and read and journal.

+ Styling our basement apartment at dad's house.

+ Dad visiting HB and us going to the San Diego Zoo and whale watching.

+ Doing the babies course with Haylee.

+ Saying goodbye to my mom in the hospital.

+ Mom's celebration of life service.

+ Our trip to Mexico.

+ My walks around the pond with Kenzo.

+ My first date with Kenzo when we walked around the city.

+ Our stay in the hospital after Kenzo was born.

+ Doing silver sneakers with Haylee with our instructor Ken.

+ Our yard sale in HB as we started moving out of the house.

+ Our date day in Portland where we went to Twinings tea, got our favorite ramen, and the best Portland fog donuts.

+ Mak getting a tattoo of my name.

+ Moving onto the base.

I'm sure there were many more memories than just these, but these stood out in the few minutes I've sat here thinking about it.

In my next post I'm going to look forward to 2023!

[angelbluediary]

It's Tuesday and I'm already over the new routines at home.

M now wakes me up before the crack of dawn to get ready in our room. It would be annoying but tolerable if I didn't have anything to do or anywhere to go, but...

He mentioned at dinner that he felt bad and my dad jumped in saying it was fine because I was going to do the same thing to him when I got in from work late at night. At the time I just laughed and said, "oh yeah!" and we joked about payback. But of course now, like every other time, I can't help but brood over how there is no comparison.

Technically, M could just... pick his outfit out at night and get dressed in the bathroom, since that's all he does in the bedroom anyway? (can't suggest such a thing when it's HIS room) -- Meanwhile I have no choice but to go through the front door and down the hall.

And unlike M, I won't be switching on the lamp two feet away from his face and rummaging around in drawers. I'll just be tiptoeing by as quietly as I can.

And also unlike M, my late night entrance might make Willow move around and whine in her crate, but she's still in the den, across the dining room, from where M sleeps in the living room. Whereas his early morning entrance into our bedroom makes Ginger talk and sing and yell nonstop and jump all over me excited to start the day.

And unlike M who's on a reliable schedule, my sleep schedule is going to be a manic haze all over the place and I'll be trying to get rest when I can.

So no. It's not the same thing. Nevermind that M seems to fall asleep much, much easier than I do these days and STAY asleep. Now my routines here are going to mirror my time at Haven Pointe (PTSD flashbacks) where I was woken up all through the night and just about lost my sanity. At least there I had my own personal space.

I am so eager to get my own place again. I'm not so eager to live paycheck to paycheck but I am going to have to sacrifice one thing or another, my mental peace or my financial gains. UGH.

I've started a budgeting system that I'll adjust once I start getting paychecks and see what the average is, but I should be able to save $5k by January even while paying my parents back a good chunk ($200-300) of my car payment each month--so long as I don't splurge too much.

I would also like to do a yard sale or something (I know my mom wants to) and try to get rid of a bunch of stuff I don't need anymore, like my pretty green comforter set. Do people buy used comforters? Idk. It's really nice-looking but too warm for my liking, not that delicious "cold in summer, warm in winter" fluffy comforter feeling I want so bad.

I could sell books... clothes... shoes! Yeah, this needs to happen, but everyone is so tired all the time from work now and soon I'll probably be just like them.

Anyway, today is my first day at work! I go in at 3 pm. Yippeeee.

[crazygirl0152]

(Here’s my finished drawing) Title:”Gonzales sisters face the Nephilim and the family”

Kalos, Elizabeth’s penthouse 3:00 PM nobody’s POV

The sisters are packed up to go unova to apologize the champion, elite-four and gym leaders in person as GIF after they apologize in 4 regions by past months including their work schedule hours so Eliza said “Good thing I did pay the tickets since noon hours ago so we all know what we can do.” Melissa is about to agree with her sister but the maid interrupted their conversation “Um Lady Eliza and Melissa Mr nephilim is already here with his family but they’re at living room so they wanted to talk to you both.” Eliza just said “>Sigh< I’ll come down with my sister.” The sisters went down to the living room.

Living room

Gonzales sisters saw the nephilim and his family which is they’ve been guessed but eliza said in usual “Oh Mr Nephilim >Chuckles< it’s been awhile.” So he said “Evening Elizabeth and Melissa I see you two together full grown up but very beautiful.” As the man compliments the two then Melissa said “Thank you Mr Nephilim Now what’s the problem with us?” Eliza said to remind them “I thought I was very clear about this to I never show my face with my sister in your home region again.” Grimsley says “We aware of this Liz but your sister and you are decent people then more importantly we want is…” grimsley lets the older sister says “So what do you want? Because me and my sister have the best of best qualities as business, pleasure and alliance enterprises.” Nephilim gives an offer to only just Eliza says “Yes right… all we want is you start convincing your fans and people by the truth to stop all this pariahs in our home region and other regions cause it’s getting out of control because of you.” Eliza is spellbound and shocked by his answer but the older sister said “! I kinda did overboard with my minions and colleagues in orders to make the pariahs a living hell same way I had suffered in trauma.” Nephilim is angry with Eliza and said “Here is the deal with you, world’s strongest woman and acrobat by the next morning you’re gotta go up in stage and tell everyone the real truth if you don’t obey this I’ll never give you my autograph.” Eliza did wanted that autograph from piers’s dad so she had gave in for first time in sad tone so he can hear it “Ok sir.” Nephilim grabbed her hair and face besides her height is 8,1 then says “Good oh one last thing after you tell everyone about you did I suggest you and your sister quit this ‘Killing all team organizations’ operation by mission.” The sisters had no choice to obey Nephilim by plan

Next morning Elizabeth’s Hideout 7:00 AM

As Elizabeth, in her favorite cashmere goddess dress(Skunktank) did order her minions to live video when she told everyone by internet and social media as real truth about little overboard to make pariahs a living hell and rest is history when the video ended minions are curious and ask Eliza “?:Hey boss why the long face?” Eliza announced “Minions and fellow workers this is our last and goodbye I’m closing down mission and operation’Killing all team organizations’ forever because people are going haywire about me and my sister for what we did and our control but for now you all pack your bags for your new lives.” The minions and fellow workers are very understanding so they left to leave the sisters alone in their hideout where they found arecus holy water in lifetime supply. Eliza is depressed by dismissal, falling her knees, and laid down her black rose flower bed as Nephilim and his family is little happy except the sisters are depressed with sadness when they feel sympathy while the rest is to comfort Melissa so piers went to Eliza to comfort but his shock of her eyesight is lifeless then her makeup is ruined “Mornin’ Liz and you did well but my dad says he’s sorry about last night and he went too harsh.” Eliza says in little smile while her eyes still lifeless “It’s okay piers and Mr nephilim but it’s all clear now and out of bag then me and my sister will get it over in 3 days.” But piers don’t want to wait anymore and says while carcass her face “Elizabeth! I can’t stand you sad like this and I do like the real you as kid so please don’t take pity and overwork yourself too hard but it’s not okay and healthy for you to do everything then I’m asking you as friend…no…a boyfriend!” Eliza realized and her eyes are full of life but immediately hugs the father and son gently then piers loosen the hair bun and then saw longest black/hair but straight mixed with curly. However Nephilim says “It’s official now Eliza I insist you have surgery today.” Eliza ask “What surgery?” The father replied “Muscle/fat liposuction.” Eliza reluctantly as first about doctors but she agreed to his opinion then grimsley told Nephilim in last night that Eliza, world’s strongest woman is too good to destroy everyone who has debts but never ending killing machine so she had no choice to retire even though despite the sisters had Pokémon circus birth tattoos one is on the tummy and the other is the back on the neck.

The end.

[crmsnmth-journal]

7/1/2024 9:01 PM

So I kind of screwed myself for the next two weeks, but it was needed and I had no choice. Which make me realize my descision to find a better job was in the right. I had to buy a new phone, and I don't mean a nice phone. I mean a $70 prepay Verizon phone. I've been using it for years, and have held my number for almost five years. You should know how truly impressive that is. For the longest time, I had a new number almost every other month, so having an actual long term number is my own little pride thing. Either way, I bought a 70 dollar phone, and that literally screws me this week. My savings, is a little over a hundred, and that's goign to get drained so I can get to and from work. I cut my cigarettes back, because I don't want to quit, but being forced to ration a pack might do some good for me on my whole wanting to cut back. It's going to be a long couple of weeks.

On the plus side, my black cap bushes are covered in berries. Usually, I get maybe a handful but this year, I might even get a bucket full. There's so many and they're just now starting to all ripen. I doubt they'll last to a bucket. They are my favorite forage of all summer. I don't know what it is this year, but the only berry that doesn't seem to be where it needs to be or more is the blackberries. All the bushes seem to be shriveled up and dried up.

I found an old friend from like ten or fifteen years ago. We were really close for a long time. The guy even lived at my dad's place for a while. We were tight. I had to tell this guy on three different occasions that he was being cheated on. Because no one else wanted to do it, or was close enough to him. It was through him that I actually got to go to the kind of parties I wanted to be a part of. I never fit in with that group, but it gave me a taste for a certain lifestyle. Anyway, every so often, I just kind of chech up on a few old friends. Watch from a far, kind of thing. I've had pretty awful luck at retrying to kindle a friendship. Everyone else has changed so much, and I'm just now figuring out a bunch of people my age already figured out. I sat seven years in hell, it stunted me, I have no excuse and I don't deny it. Whatever. So I look at their pages and celebrate their victories in silence. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of the person who was truly my best friend I've ever had. Or the friend who used to try and always steal my girlfriend (it never worked. not with him anyway). But there was one friend who I could never find. Until now. I found him on Linkedin, and then when I searched is name on that one blue social hell hole, I found him. We don't have one single mutual person of interest. I'm 99% it's a bot page eithere way. There's like over 1000 profiles added, and they all seem to be those bots that feast on the lonely. It's kind of funny where he and I ended up. Same field. Comparable story. And then poof. Both of us vanished from everyone. (His was welcomed, mine was completly unwanted due to manipulation and some serious mental abuse Karma was repaying me with). I reappeared a few years ago. He reappears now. I want to message him. Say something stupid like "Craazzzy bread" and see if he remembers the joke. But I won't. I've been let down too many times when trying to reconnect with the people who once meant the absolute world to me.