#now to go pass the eff out

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Holy CRAP the UN Cybercrime Treaty is a nightmare

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If there's one thing I learned from all my years as an NGO delegate to UN specialized agencies, it's that UN treaties are dangerous, liable to capture by unholy alliances of authoritarian states and rapacious global capitalists.

Most of my UN work was on copyright and "paracopyright," and my track record was 2:0; I helped kill a terrible treaty (the WIPO Broadcast Treaty) and helped pass a great one (the Marrakesh Treaty on the rights of people with disabilities to access copyrighted works):

https://www.wipo.int/treaties/en/ip/marrakesh/

It's been many years since I had to shave and stuff myself into a suit and tie and go to Geneva, and I don't miss it – and thankfully, I have colleagues who do that work, better than I ever did. Yesterday, I heard from one such EFF colleague, Katitza Rodriguez, about the Cybercrime Treaty, which is about to pass, and which is, to put it mildly, terrifying:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/07/un-cybercrime-draft-convention-dangerously-expands-state-surveillance-powers

Look, cybercrime is a real thing, from pig butchering to ransomware, and there's real, global harms that can be attributed to it. Cybercrime is transnational, making it hard for cops in any one jurisdiction to handle it. So there's a reason to think about formal international standards for fighting cybercrime.

But that's not what's in the Cybercrime Treaty.

Here's a quick sketch of the significant defects in the Cybercrime Treaty.

The treaty has an extremely loose definition of cybercrime, and that looseness is deliberate. In authoritarian states like China and Russia (whose delegations are the driving force behind this treaty), "cybercrime" has come to mean "anything the government disfavors, if you do it with a computer." "Cybercrime" can mean online criticism of the government, or professions of religious belief, or material supporting LGBTQ rights.

Nations that sign up to the Cybercrime Treaty will be obliged to help other nations fight "cybercrime" – however those nations define it. They'll be required to provide surveillance data – for example, by forcing online services within their borders to cough up their users' private data, or even to pressure employees to install back-doors in their systems for ongoing monitoring.

These obligations to aid in surveillance are mandatory, but much of the Cybercrime Treaty is optional. What's optional? The human rights safeguards. Member states "should" or "may" create standards for legality, necessity, proportionality, non-discrimination, and legitimate purpose. But even if they do, the treaty can oblige them to assist in surveillance orders that originate with other states that decided not to create these standards.

When that happens, the citizens of the affected states may never find out about it. There are eight articles in the treaty that establish obligations for indefinite secrecy regarding surveillance undertaken on behalf of other signatories. That means that your government may be asked to spy on you and the people you love, they may order employees of tech companies to backdoor your account and devices, and that fact will remain secret forever. Forget challenging these sneak-and-peek orders in court – you won't even know about them:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/06/un-cybercrime-draft-convention-blank-check-unchecked-surveillance-abuses

Now here's the kicker: while this treaty creates broad powers to fight things governments dislike, simply by branding them "cybercrime," it actually undermines the fight against cybercrime itself. Most cybercrime involves exploiting security defects in devices and services – think of ransomware attacks – and the Cybercrime Treaty endangers the security researchers who point out these defects, creating grave criminal liability for the people we rely on to warn us when the tech vendors we rely upon have put us at risk.

This is the granddaddy of tech free speech fights. Since the paper tape days, researchers who discovered defects in critical systems have been intimidated, threatened, sued and even imprisoned for blowing the whistle. Tech giants insist that they should have a veto over who can publish true facts about the defects in their products, and dress up this demand as concern over security. "If you tell bad guys about the mistakes we made, they will exploit those bugs and harm our users. You should tell us about those bugs, sure, but only we can decide when it's the right time for our users and customers to find out about them."

When it comes to warnings about the defects in their own products, corporations have an irreconcilable conflict of interest. Time and again, we've seen corporations rationalize their way into suppressing or ignoring bug reports. Sometimes, they simply delay the warning until they've concluded a merger or secured a board vote on executive compensation.

Sometimes, they decide that a bug is really a feature – like when Facebook decided not to do anything about the fact that anyone could enumerate the full membership of any Facebook group (including, for example, members of a support group for people with cancer). This group enumeration bug was actually a part of the company's advertising targeting system, so they decided to let it stand, rather than re-engineer their surveillance advertising business.

The idea that users are safer when bugs are kept secret is called "security through obscurity" and no one believes in it – except corporate executives. As Bruce Schneier says, "Anyone can design a system that is so secure that they themselves can't break it. That doesn't mean it's secure – it just means that it's secure against people stupider than the system's designer":

The history of massive, brutal cybersecurity breaches is an unbroken string of heartbreakingly naive confidence in security through obscurity:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/05/battery-vampire/#drained

But despite this, the idea that some bugs should be kept secret and allowed to fester has powerful champions: a public-private partnership of corporate execs, government spy agencies and cyber-arms dealers. Agencies like the NSA and CIA have huge teams toiling away to discover defects in widely used products. These defects put the populations of their home countries in grave danger, but rather than reporting them, the spy agencies hoard these defects.

The spy agencies have an official doctrine defending this reckless practice: they call it "NOBUS," which stands for "No One But Us." As in: "No one but us is smart enough to find these bugs, so we can keep them secret and use them attack our adversaries, without worrying about those adversaries using them to attack the people we are sworn to protect."

NOBUS is empirically wrong. In the 2010s, we saw a string of leaked NSA and CIA cyberweapons. One of these, "Eternalblue" was incorporated into off-the-shelf ransomware, leading to the ransomware epidemic that rages even today. You can thank the NSA's decision to hoard – rather than disclose and patch – the Eternalblue exploit for the ransoming of cities like Baltimore, hospitals up and down the country, and an oil pipeline:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EternalBlue

The leak of these cyberweapons didn't just provide raw material for the world's cybercriminals, it also provided data for researchers. A study of CIA and NSA NOBUS defects found that there was a one-in-five chance of a bug that had been hoarded by a spy agency being independently discovered by a criminal, weaponized, and released into the wild.

Not every government has the wherewithal to staff its own defect-mining operation, but that's where the private sector steps in. Cyber-arms dealers like the NSO Group find or buy security defects in widely used products and services and turn them into products – military-grade cyberweapons that are used to attack human rights groups, opposition figures, and journalists:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/24/breaking-the-news/#kingdom

A good Cybercrime Treaty would recognize the perverse incentives that create the coalition to keep us from knowing which products we can trust and which ones we should avoid. It would shut down companies like the NSO Group, ban spy agencies from hoarding defects, and establish an absolute defense for security researchers who reveal true facts about defects.

Instead, the Cybercrime Treaty creates new obligations on signatories to help other countries' cops and courts silence and punish security researchers who make these true disclosures, ensuring that spies and criminals will know which products aren't safe to use, but we won't (until it's too late):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/06/if-not-amended-states-must-reject-flawed-draft-un-cybercrime-convention

A Cybercrime Treaty is a good idea, and even this Cybercrime Treaty could be salvaged. The member-states have it in their power to accept proposed revisions that would protect human rights and security researchers, narrow the definition of "cybercrime," and mandate transparency. They could establish member states' powers to refuse illegitimate requests from other countries:

https://www.eff.org/press/releases/media-briefing-eff-partners-warn-un-member-states-are-poised-approve-dangerou

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/23/expanded-spying-powers/#in-russia-crime-cybers-you

Image: EFF https://www.eff.org/files/banner_library/cybercrime-2024-2b.jpg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/us/

[thequeerwizardcouncil]

Urgent News.

One of the largest threats to queer safety, especially queer youth on the internet, is the KOSA bill. It is effectively a censorship bill that will make access to the internet for queers, nigh impossible and constantly monitored.

Now of course the council's concerns may lie within the queer, but the bill will also affect pro-Palestinian messages, activism, truthful information, etc. It will make it difficult to look for sexual health information, information on Palestine, Sudan, the Congo, climate change, queer history, queer info in general.

It is a bill that the USA is going to use to effectively stop all the criticism against them, all the information on the genocides committed in the name of capital, and block out safe spaces for queers in and out of the closet.

And it is being discussed whether to have it added to the FAA. What does that mean? The FAA was the same way the Tiktok ban was passed so easily, a way for the US to pass bills without much resistance. So you might be thinking:

What is to be done?

Well for one, if you are a member of the council reading this, you are obligated to reblog this and spread the message far and wide. And we mean it. Whether through posters, posts, shouting, protests, whatever you can do, you must do. Even if you aren't a council member, morally you should still do it.

As evidently the internet is in jeopardy.

Other than that, sign these petitions, spread these links and urge others to do so. Call your representatives, email them, mail them, fax them. And again, urge others to do the same.

You don't need to be American to spread this or sign these. And you should care still even if you aren't American, as this will be a global effect if KOSA passes.

stopkosa.com

Woodhull Freedom Foundation | Stop KOSA

change.org | Stop KOSA petition

EFF | KOSA Bill

EFF | Look for your representative sand contact them

We must do anything and everything to keep the internet safe. For all.

So do not fall into despair that we will fail, and do not become complacent thinking we will win. Become active and make sure we win.

For in the dark we endure, and in the light we fight for who you call impure.

@skyethebisexualwolfwizard

@im-a-wizard-who-dont-crime

@thebutterflyoficeandwisteria

@bisexualchemistry

@sassy-piece-of-parsley

@flirtyambiguouswizard

@ballisticallytestedwensleydale

@the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem

@aroace-wizard

@serious-tabaxi

@agentldiddy

@parkyrtheelvishbard

@autistic-dinos-and-dragons-lover

@a-goose-in-a-trenchcoat

@sapphicdragons-3

@transgender-wizard

@jhomikle

@cynical-artificer

@anne-androgynous-android

@asheslab

@ryukyuna-the-kitsune-in-cabin-13

@incrediwizard

@amethyst-aster

@ash-the-tiefling

@shittest-wizard-ever

@bi-gender-sorcerer

@somecallmekay

@be-gentle-with-littluns-2

@ladyofspoons

@slymewitch

@alchemical-overreaction

@frogpantsthebloodgod

@yourlocalbreadenthusiast

@detectivewizzard

@the-necrobotanist

@lixorloveslicorice

@hyper-lynx

@chaos-wizard-nyehehe

@song-de-lune

@lord-devere

@waluwizard

@so-um-brasileiro

@distinctlyrevived

@dread-is-decaying

@wizard-ghost

@the-reluctant-princess

@ye-olde-ace

@maniquinn

[pablitogavii]

can you write a fluff where like gavi and the reader go out with friends but they argue before they leave and the reader is just anxious the entire time and gavi notices so they go home and gavi just comforts the reader and they cuddle and go to sleep. please <3

Always There

"Are you ready?" Pablo said walking into your bedroom seeing you finishing your makeup quietly. You had a mini argument a few hours back and since you rarely fought, it was really affecting you.

Pablo said he needed to cancel your next date because of the training session that Xavi added last minute and since you were so excited about it you got mad that it's not happening after all.

You of course understood that his career is important, and are always his biggest supporter but haven't really spent much time with him lately made the frustration build in both of you.

"You won't be cold?" he said after you finished putting on your shoes and you just shook your head without a word. No amor..or princesa..or preciosa :(

When you left, Pablo followed behind you locking the apartment door before opening your car door and driving to meet his friends.

When you arrived to the outside bar, you already felt goosebumps appear on your skin but you but you would rather freeze to death than tell Pablo you were cold right now.

"Hola amigos!" Ansu was excited to see you both as were other players and you all joined them ordering some drinks. When Frankie and Mikky came, you sat besides her instead of Pablo and he just groaned quietly to himself. He hated not feeling you besides him but was too stubborn to pull you back!

“ why don’t you just ask him for his jacket amiga? You’re shaking!” Mikky said and I shook my head no although I already thought about the same thing. Luckily a few moment later, Pablo noticed my ghost bumps and walked up to me to put his jacket over my shoulders without a word.

He went back to his friends afterwards and I blushed hard feeling his strong perfume surround me as his jacket began warming me up. Mikky giggled at my blushing cheeks.

“ you guys are too cute!!” She said and that made me blush more stealing a glance at Pablo while sipping my tea feeling much better now. When he looked back, I quickly looked away feeling so silly and the same I felt the first time we saw each other.

Another half an hour passed and Pablo kept stealing glances with you until he couldn’t take it anymore walking up to where you sat and leaning in to whisper in your ear.

“Um..amor? Do you want to go home??” He says and you blush hard feeling extra anxious the whole time and now that he was this close to you it made your heart skip around. Not to mention he was calling you amor again!!

“Yes please” you look up giving him the most adorable look and he smiled nodding his head and kissing your forehead before the two of you got to you me feet and said bye to everyone.

While driving, you were anxiously looking through the window afraid of meeting eyes with Pablo but then you felt his hand taking yours and placing it on his lap while holding it. You looked at your connected hands before finally meeting his eyes and you both smiled.

“Fights are so stupid..and I just want to forget about it” Pablo spoke first and you were so glad you both thought the same thing.

“I’m sorry I got angry when you told me..I know it’s something you can’t control” you said knowing when to accept your fault and he smiled bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it gently before parking the car into the garage.

“I shouldn’t have called you needy because you’re not. You’re such a supportive girlfriend and the best one en todo el mundo!” He said after opening your door and you blushed snaking you hands around his neck and he pulled you in closer for a tight hug. You’ve been craving this for so long..

“Amor..you’re shaking. What’s wrong preciosa?? Tell you Pablito” he said kissing your head while you walked into your shared apartment. You suffered from anxiety disorder and sometimes the effects are felt hours later.

“ I got so scared you’re gonna leave me..and it made me anxious..I’m sorry” you say and he sighed nodding his head and pulling you to sit together on the couch. Pablo knew about your anxiety and always made sure to pay special attention to what you need in those moments.

“We said you should never apologize about this amor..it’s okay..I’m right here” he said playing with your hair knowing you enjoy just being close in moments like these. He never minded reassuring you when you needed.

“Tell me what you need guapa” he said after a few minutes of being quiet and letting you hold onto him and take your time breathing.

“Hmm can I have some ice cream?? And cuddles please!” You say pouting and Pablo chuckled while nodding his head and running to the kitchen to bring your tub of ice cream.

“Nothing ice cream can’t fix,huh guapa?” He teased while you ate it and you nodded smiling not noticing the vanilla cream on your chin. He moved closer cleaning it up with his finger then putting it into his mouth and you blushed.

“I like how shy you get around me..you couldn’t look at me while we were out” he teased some more making your cheeks bright red and you hid your face into his neck in response.

“You made me nervous!! I wanted to hug you but I couldn’t because we were angry” you whine putting ice cream away and sitting in his lap to give him a big hug.

“Awe preciosa! You can always hug me..always” he said and you giggled nodding your head and hugging him tightly while he held you against himself tightly starting to play with your hair.

“You’re making me sleepy Pablitoo..” you say looking up at him with a pout on your face and he pours as well which was always so adorable to see.

“That’s good preciosa..you can fall asleep here on my chest and I’ll carry you to bed” he said kissing the top of your head continuing to stroke your curls as slowly closed your eyes cuddling up to him loving the way his strong arms held you tightly.

It brought you peace that no matter the arguments, Pablo will always be right by your side at the end❤️

[respectthepetty]

Well well well well!

I have seen you being asked about your fav TW BL dramas. but I’m here to ask about…… your top 10 (or however many you want tbh) BL thai dramas!

Teeheeheeee!!

Ps: can someone else pop up and then ask you too Korean BL dramas? *wink*

Anon, I think YOU will have to come back and ask about my top Korean dramas because after people see this list, they will realize how trashy I truly am and never seek a response from me again. I've already written about my Top GMMTV Actors, my Top GMMTV Pairs, and my Top Five Taiwanese BLs, but this requested list will really show people that I am a dumpster fire, so let me present my

Top Ten Thai BLs

Before I start, I need to list my personal preferences since I have watched over 150 Thai BLs (if not 200), with a third coming from within the past year and a half alone. A show must meet at least two:

Don't bury the gay (MANDATORY!)

Be gay. Do crime! aka "Eff the police" (literally or figuratively)

I'm a messy bi, and I'll cry if I want to

Adulting is hard like my sexual attraction for you

Vice Vers(a) - Flipping the norms and changing dynamics

Next, I need to establish some ground rules:

The series must have completed prior to June 1, so Step by Step, Be My Favorite, La Pluie and other running shows cannot be considered.

It had to be marketed as a BL, so 3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, and Great Men Academy cannot be considered.

I could only pick a pair once, so most of GMMTV shows couldn't be considered if I picked another show the pair was featured in.

It couldn't have hurt my queer feelings, so My Only 12%, Until We Meet Again, I Told Sunset about You, and 180 Degree Longitude Passes through Us were cut for rubbing salt in real-world wounds.

A third of the final list had to be BL shows that aired prior to 2022.

Narrowing it down with those two filters, here are a dozen shows that didn't make the cut with a brief reasoning:

The Eclipse - pair already picked

Triage - the gay died each time the clock reset

Ghost Host, Ghost House - not within my personal preferences

Never Let Me Go - aired in 2022. Sorry Jojo!

My School President - pair already picked

Secret Crush on You - aired in 2022

Bad Buddy - it knows what it did to me

Together with Me - pair already picked

Lovely Writer - not within my personal preferences

A Tale of Thousand Stars - pair already picked

Between Us - it knows what it did to me

My Ride - not within my personal preferences

One more thing before I give you the list -

Honorable Mentions

To Sir, With Love

I was raised on soap operas and telenovelas, so this lakorn was seventeen episodes of blissful drama, yet served one of the best pairings and family members of 2022. It was also a historical drama, so the ending being happy was unexpected, but much appreciated.

Destiny Seeker

All the shows on my list have color coding, but this show wins every color-coding award I can give. As a self-proclaimed color demon, this show fed my soul and my heart with its color exchange between two great characters who were just trying to unify the Pretty Boys and the Jocks in a tale as old as time, yet more colorful than ever.

Now, the actual list

Top Ten Thai BLs

#10 - Dark Blue Kiss

Pete and Kao went from a bit toxic in This Kiss series, to a solid couple trying to navigate the difficult situation of having one person in a relationship still in the closet. The reason was realistic as well - career. Kao coming out could have not only hurt his future, but his mother's job as well, and the socioeconomic difference between Pete and Kao was front and center during these discussions. Mix all of that with the addition of Sun and Mork and their dynamic of light enemies to lovers, and this ended up being a surprise favorite. It also had beautiful cinematography at a period when the production value of BLs was being elevated which is greatly due to director/screenwriter Aof and cinematographer Rath.

#9 - Big Dragon

If someone would have told me during the first episode that I would like love this show as much as I did by the end, I would not have believed it, but here I am, in love with this show. It started off with two idiots being at their peak toxic level, yet ended with the softest men in love. The cinematography was beautiful, Mangkorn and Yai had a natural chemistry when teasing each other, and the music was good, so good that I actually listened to the lead sing his love confession…twice! Mos and ISBANKY made me excited to see what else Star Hunter has in store, and that was a door I had closed long ago. Big Dragon 2 when?

#8 - Bed Friend

Much like Big Dragon, I showed up for a raunchy series about fuck buddies, but ended up witnessing two men work through trauma and showed that with support, healing is possible. King was the biggest green flag that has ever graced my screen, and the way Net's big brown eyes portray lust, love, and devotion is a skill that only matches James' embodiment of a sex kitten. I watched them in Catch Me Baby, but Bed Friend brought an entire new level of chemistry from them that balanced the heavier aspects of the show in a way that any other pair would have squandered. Because of NetJames, this show will remain in my tops for years to come, and makes me even more excited for Love Upon a Time.

#7 - You're My Sky

We, collectively, did this show dirty. As BL fans, we did not appreciate it enough, and still don't. Because it came out in 2022, a year stacked with excellent BLs, it was pushed to the sidelines when it should have been at everyone's top for any number of reasons like the pairings were solid (childhood friends, senior/freshman, pseudo-enemies to lovers), the plot was consistent, and the cinematography was beautiful. We have a few sports-related BLs which do a great job of discussing the connection between toxic masculinity and male-dominated sports, and although this series didn't lean all the way in, it gave us a glimpse of what men must sacrifice in order to be considered the best in such an environment, especially when it comes to love.

#6 - Not Me

Every character is shippable with every other character. That is the power of this series. Yet, because I’m petty, I’m still holding a grudge not about GramBlack (Eugene/Gene, really?!) BUT that ToddBlack did not happen! In a show that was queer in several aspects (marriage equality, society’s disapproval, found family, etc.), it was strange that it didn’t deliver on the Black front examining how power dynamics, socioeconomic inequality in regards to privilege, and performance of masculinity affect queer experiences (all possessed by the ToddBlack pairing), but what it did deliver was a great premise about fighting back against oppression (labor discrimination, educational gaps, monopolies), which is why even though the ending was shaky, it still deserves a top spot for existing.

#5 - KinnPorsche

As much as I wrote about this show, I’m shocked it isn’t #1, but sitting through the final episode’s credits believing what I believed about Vegas left me feeling a certain type of way that I’m still not over. It had all the elements I love: Be gay, do crime, messy tears, vice vers(a), and the cinematography was perfection. Symbolism and foreshadowing were intertwined into every scene, so watching each episode was an experience and the aftermath was devouring hours of meta analysis. This was the first series I was excited to watch live unmuted and at normal speed, and I liked each pairing, plus rooted for others who were never going to happen (Big & Chan, Khun & everyone), which made this a fun journey even after the final credits finished (World Tour, anyone?!).

#4 - Love Mechanics

I LOVE MESS, and this show gave me ten glorious messy episodes of the messiest mess. Much like the chokeholds VeeMark excelled out, this show had me by the throat (implication intended). I was shocked when it was announced En of Love: Love Mechanics would be remade and extended from four episodes into ten. I liked the original, but the basic plot (drunkenly having sex right at the beginning – how very Together with Me of them) did not sit well with me the first time around, yet once I saw the remake’s trailer, I WAS SOLD! Look at the angst! Look at the pining! Look at the chemistry! Look at the same steps and dorm from Together with Me! I could write forever about this show because it is better than the original, it was so similar to Together with Me that I had to squint to make sure it wasn’t, and the happy ending with Mark’s tears, although never doubted, feels like a personal win, which is why it was my number one of 2022.

#3 - Manner of Death

MaxTul own me. Every couple I watch gets compared to MaxTul and the chemistry they bring. Together With Me is a favorite, but when Manner of Death aired, it spotlighted the evolution of MaxTul in the most beautiful way imaginable. The dark plot of drug and sex trafficking was difficult for most, but both of these characters' commitment to finding the truth in their own way while taking on the ACAB attitude even towards the one police officer they did like was a buffet that just kept serving me. I was truly worried because of the nature of the show that a happy ending wouldn't be possible, but not only did the show end with vows being exchanged, but the promise of another season as well. TRANSPLANT WHEN?!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken

This was an adult show and toes the line of being truly queer media rather than a standard BL. I felt seen every time Jim sat silently examining his life and his choices. His hesitation to open his heart again to another person after being hurt in such a realistically queer way in a country that doesn't have marriage equality almost made me cut this show due to hurting my queer feelings. However, if I was willing to give up three pairs (FirstKhao -The Eclipse, GeminiFourth - My School President, and EarthMix - A Tale of Thousand Stars) for this one show, I knew it had to included. Aof working around the grief of losing a parent while examining gentrification and generational trauma all through a queer lens is a feat most would fail at, but this show shines, literally and figuratively thanks once again to cinematographer Rath.

#1 - He's Coming to Me

I must end where I began - Aof, the director and screenwriter, changed the Thai BL game with this one, and hasn't slowed down since, which is why two of his other pieces are in my top ten, and several others are featured in my short list. Cinematographer Rath has also made his mark on this list, and it all started with this one for me. No other BL series has stuck with me the way He's Coming to Me has. Not one element of this show doesn't work. It's cohesive. It's emotional. It's everything to me. I cannot give this show enough praise. It created a unique magic in eight episodes that hasn't left my heart for four years.

And probably never will.

Now, who wants to ask about Korea?

[athena-gunpla]

HGUC 1/144 E.F.S.F Prototype Long-Range Support Mobile Suit RX-75 "Guntank"

Guntank is here!! I was initially hesitant on picking up this kit, as it's one of the older HGs from 2000. I'd seen online that it has pretty limited articulation. However I saw it in store for only $17 and couldn't pass it up.

The kit is pretty small, with only four main runners, a polycap runner, and a set of rubber treads (which admittedly smelt as though they'd been in the box since 2000). Unlike modern model kit rubber treads as you'd find in a Tamiya tank kit, they're a solid part more similar to the HGUC Gouf's heat rod, and simply clip into a hole on the bottom of the tank's road wheels. The biggest disappointment being that the wheels and tracks don't move at all.

Being a kit without any hands, the Guntank lacks any accessories, but to be honest it doesn't really need them. The guns on the hands and shoulders look really nice with a bit of weathering, although the shoulder cannons come in two halves so you'll need to deal with a seam down the middle. I used some plastic cement but you can still kinda see it if you look closely.

It's a pretty plain kit with limited surface detail for panel lining, and no sticker sheet, so I spruced it up with some decals and heavy weathering. This is a combination of the official Bandai multi-use Mobile Suit Gundam EFF decals for the Guntank, the Xingfeng knockoff decal spares for the GM Spartan, and some spare tank decals from my Tamiya kits. I think the overall effect makes it fit in super well with the busy Origin gunpla. As usual, the Bandai decals were a pain and tore pretty easily, but look pretty great on the kit.

I weathered this using a heavy sponging of black, as well as mixing some browns and my orange rust to mimic the rusty appearance on the box art (as well as cover up torn decals). I also drybrushed silver over the high points and used my Tamiya weathering sets (D and C) to add heat blueing to the guns and rust and soot everywhere else, as well as some oil stains on the rear vents.

There's a little Hayato modeled in the cockpit. Usually I'm not for painting 1/144 scale people but he's pretty prominent behind the windscreen so I gave it a go.

He's a little smudgy but I think it turned out well. Here's the image I referenced.

Now I've finally completed my UC 0079 White Base crew!

Pictured here left to right are my HGUC Ball, HGUC Cucuruz Doan's Island Guncannon, HGUC Origin RX-78-02, this Guntank, and HGUC Origin GM Missile Pod.

Overall the Guntank is a very simple and fun little build. Like any tank kit the wheels area little tedious to cut out and sand, but it's otherwise quick and enjoyable. It's a cheap kit so great to try out painting techniques on as well.

Get one today!

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 - Three spicy/spoilery reviews

The reviewers are just saying whatever they want, I guess! O_O

Here's my favorite bits from TheWrap, ComicBook, and IGN.

I've decided to mix and match them, comparing what they each say about similar themes/topics/reveals.

ELEVATING THE SOURCE MATERIAL

TELL IT! It's about adding DEPTH, y'all, not just a 1:1 page-to-screen.

Intellectual horror, instead of psychological horror--fascinating.

An "even more authentic adaptation" -- WE BEEN KNEW!!! I roll my eyes at book stans who hate on the show, acting like the movie was more accurate just cuz it was set during slavery times with white actors. 🙄 Like PLEASE, there's so much missing from the movie, or glossed over, or straight up changed, that the show-antis just demonstrate how shallow they are when their every attack hinges on the timeline/race/age changes. Cry harder.

MORE elevated than Season 1--you love to see it.

Yaaas, bring on the petty melodramatic mess, and fierce performances! 👏

CLAUDIA & MADELEINE

Because Bailey used profanity to convey her agony being a woman trapped in an adolescent's body in S1 too, I'm assuming Delainey will just cuss more? But cussing is all over the show, so I don't get it.

Everyone keeps raving about Roxane as Madeleine, but they've been SO CLOSE-LIPPED about her scenes, and it's KILLING me. 😭

"Deeply willful around Louis"--yeah, we saw a glimpse of that in the trailer; it's what he deserves. Give 'em hell, Claudia!

And yeah, she's PISSED that they cast her as Baby LouLou--imagine, being infantalized, and given the name of the father you've already gone through so much to emancipate yourself from as a "Brother" instead of "Daddy Lou." 😒 Eff Louis--where's Claudia's scythe at!?

LOUIS / LOUMAND

"Nonsense--" TheWrap isn't holding back a single punch huh?

"dating show contestants feigning authenticity to clumsily present themselves in the best light--" oof. 💀

Holy god; "begging the question...if Louis has just traded one abuser for another" GO AWF! 🚩🚩🚩

DANIEL / DEVIL'S MINION

Wow, so this must refer to Episode 5 from the episode titles list released recently. "Genuine horror".... 😈

RIP. 💀 Youngmaniel might see some action, but Oldmaniel's "utterly allergic and adversarial;" OOF. 💀💀

ARMAND

They keep saying petty. 😅 These messy queens are a trip!

"Far more powerful" -- I am SEATED~! I wanna see THE coven master!

Yaaas, come through Children of Satan/Darkness acolyte! 😈

"Scarred and transformed by the same man" -- they sound like war veterans. U_U

LESTAT / LOUSTAT

"the show's primary villain--" say it louder. Book stans need to stop projecting post-IWTV Lestat the hero/protagonist/MC into the narrative that LOUIS is telling, as a guy struggling to get over his ex.

"There to berate him for his poor choices--" this tracks with the trailer released today, too, where the producers said Dream-Stat would "pass judgement" on Louis' pisspoor actions.

PRODUCTION (Sets, Costumes, etc)

Yes, IWTV S1 was absolutely gorgeous; their attention to detail was immaculate. And so far it looks like S2 is gonna be just as nice. I REALLY like what I've seen of the Threatre's aesthetic.

THEATRE DES VAMPIRES & SANTIAGO

I freaking love this. XD

Agreeing with him about WHAT though? 🤨 That Louis & Claudia are hiding things? Or that they deserve to die because of it? (Especially since Lestat is OBVIOUSLY not actually dead, so what "crime/rules" are they actually breaking, Lord Kangaroo Court?)

TALAMASCA & CRITIQUES

Thank you lord god kamisama flying spaghetti monster he's a Talamascan, not another secret vampire.

But now I'm nervous, thanks to the ComicBook review:

Uh oh. The Talamasca feels forced & out of place. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

The AVENGERS INITIATIVE. 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

But they say it feels like "Daniel's being recruited--" YES PLEASE. 🙏 If Daniel's not gonna be a vampire, at least let him be a Talamascan. Ain't no way he can return to the mundane world after all this.

My BIGGEST complaint about IWTV as a franchise is its tenuous connection to the Immortals Universe. AMC is dropping the ball hard on creating an ARCU--Anne Rice's Cinematic Universe. There are SO MANY immortals & supernaturals we should've BEEN seen in S1, walking the streets of NOLA. I will say this every time: Oncle Vervain Mayfair should've been brought in from the OG pilot script. We should've seen Louis go to him for gris-gris before the poker game, and introduce Lestat to Vervain as a practitioner of what Louis thought was "European voodoo." Also: we should've seen Lasher. There should've been a scene where the Mayfairs told the vampires to GTFO their territory, and keep their hunting grounds on the other side of town. Like, the Mayfair Witches show sucks like you wouldn't believe, it's so stupid (looks gorgeous though), but the WORLDBUILDING is ripe for the taking! And AMC did squat with it!

Like, tbh, I don't see the point of a whole Talamasca show, and if it's handled by Esta & the gang from MW, then I don't wanna see it--I WILL, ofc, but I won't WANT to. Especially since we haven't seen any ghosts. ISTG, PLEASE have Merrick Mayfair in Ep7 or Ep8--not only will that bridge IWTV with MW, but it can perfectly lead to Blackwood Farm., while keeping the threads between vampires, ghosts, AND the Taltos (if they're determined to do a Lestat/Rowan crossover from Blood Canticle 🤢🤮).

I was wondering why so many reviews were giving it 4/5 or 9/10, like wtf are y'all being so stingy for!? But if this is the problem, then I'm not surprised, I've been complaining about it the whole time.

[junglemax]

okay i caved like immediately, based off of @spinetacks recent art

matthew and darby are matching. matthew’s not happy about it.

[drabble]

Matthew hisses as his fingers go over the swelling bumps on his arm. “Screw you, Darbs,” he mutters, looking at the damage in the mirror. “God, this is gonna scar so bad.”

“Aww,” Jack says suddenly, almost mockingly. (He’s been in a god-awful mood ever since Matthew saved him. Quite frankly, Matthew thinks it’s incredibly rude of him, and he’s got better things to deal with than a 26 year old with the attitude of a 15 year old.)

Matthew looks over, confused, and Jack’s looking between his phone and Matthew. “What’s so cute?”

“You and Darby gave each other matching scars. That’s adorable.”

Matthew frowns. “That’s not funny, Jack. He really, really hurt me. Look at this!” He shows his arm.

Jack squints from the couch, raises his phone, and takes a picture before typing something.

“What was that for?”

“I’m gonna send it to Darby.”

Matthew pauses. “Why on Earth do you have Darby’s number?”

“Oh, I got it during the four pillars thing, when we had to team up. I’ve never used it before, so we’re gonna see if I’m blocked or not.” A few seconds pass by, and Jack hums pleasantly. “Oh, look at that! Still not blocked. Very helpful, he is. Unlike you.”

Matthew thinks he’s going to need to send Jack to therapy. Or maybe suicide watch. No one should be that eager to want to die a horrible death at the hands of Darby freaking Allin. “Okay, well I’m going to check up on our other teammates and see if they’re okay while you sit here and mope for the rest of the afternoon like an ungrateful brat.”

Jack mocks his words, then flips Matthew off. Matthew stomps off, and the door shuts right as Jack yells “He just a aw it, by the way!”

Matthew takes a minute or so to try some of his calming techniques. He’s going to need to be professional when talking to Nicholas and Okada. (He decides Hangman is a lost cause and will not be going to see him, despite most of his being telling him otherwise. He will not be dealing with two ungrateful people today, no sir.)

He continues his walk, and is just about to get to Nicholas and Okada’s room when an arm wraps around his waist and he’s pulled into the bathroom.

Matthew’s so surprised he doesn’t even think to fight back, just trying to stay on his feet until he’s face to face with the bathroom mirror, where he finally sees the perpetrator.

Darby grins, making eye contact in the mirror. “Hi, Matt.”

Matthew immediately pushes him off. “What the eff, Darby!”

“Got Jack’s message,” Darby says right as Matthew reaches for the door to not give Darby a lick of satisfaction in beating him up while alone.

Matthew stops at the words though, and turns around, because Darby said it like it meant something to him. “It couldn’t have been that important.”

“It couldn’t have?” Darby sounds hurt, pushing his bottom lip out in a pout. If Matthew didn’t already hate him, he’d find it cute.

Darby reaches for him, and for some reason Matthew lets him pull him back in front of the mirror. He pokes some of the thumbtack marks on Matthew’s arm, earning a hiss each time.

Matthew swats at him. “Stop it, that hurts.”

“Awh, does it?” Darby uses the same tone Jack did before, and Matthew wants to strangle him for it. If they’re working together to go against Matthew, he’s going to kill them before the year ends. “I don’t know if it hurts as much as this did.” Darby lifts his shirt, and Matthew can see the scar the glass left over on his side.

Matthew stares at the lightning bolt shape, then back at his arm, then back again. Both on their right side. If he does scar…

Oh no.

Matthew’s face flushes, realizing that him and Darby are terribly close, with Darby practically against his back, left hand on his waist while his right holds up his shirt just enough. “What do you want, Darby?” Matthew asks, painfully weak.

Darby leans up, lips behind Matthew’s ear. “I want you to realize we’re tied together, now. No matter what you do, who you fight against, who you make allies with, I’ll always be there in one way or another.” He bites Matthew’s ear lightly, just enough to get a whimper out of him, before letting go and pulling away entirely. He slips out of the bathroom without another word.

Matthew shivers, closing his eyes with a shaky sigh. His worst fear is coming true with the worst person imaginable, and he doesn’t even mind.

[shesthedream]

Before, After, and Forever - Chapter 3

Aaron Hotchner x fem!OC (Anya Decker)

Summary: Agent Decker is a phenomenal agent. She has been through hell and back and is unwilling to open her heart. But what happens when Agent Decker’s case lands in the BAU’s hands? What happens when it is decided that she is an asset to the team? And, most importantly, what happens when she meet the unit chief?

Series cw: canon topics, killers, hostages, rape mention, torture, scars, nightmares, flashbacks, slow burn, mentions of eating and body insecurity, yelling

Chapter cw: canon topics: killing, crime scenes

--

"He spent time here. Look at the ground, no prints… more time means more mistakes. There must be something he left behind." She walked around the house, weaving through all the rooms when she finally spots something.

--

The body was left in the bedroom and right against the door frame was a little bit of blood. Small enough that most would not notice, but Decker had a keen eye.

"Look." Decker got Hotch's attention. Rossi followed right behind him.

"Partial print. Good eye Decker." Rossi said.

"Let's get this sent to a lab and see if it's a match to any we have in the system." Hotch commented heading out.

"That's a start, but it won't be enough. We need to work to narrow down our scope of search. He isn't just picking these women randomly off the street. There has to be something connecting them. He's motivated. There is a reason he kills." Decker's comment stopped him

"He's becoming more unhinged. The previous killings maybe, but this could just be pure rage or a break from his pattern."

"No it's not. It's all planned. This can't be random. It was planned in London and it's planned here." Decker was slowly but surely getting on Hotch's nerves.

“Yes, but he can deviate from the pattern-“

“But he won’t. He won’t. Look at how specific this fantasy is. He won’t change, he doesn’t want to change. It’s just going to keep getting worse. We need to find him as soon as possible.”

“And how do you suggest we do that Agent Decker?”

"Keep looking." Decker sends him a glare.

After the evening and next morning of sorting through evidence, they finally had a break. Garcia had found a link between the victims. They had all called electricians prior to their murder. It seemed like he left London because they were getting too close there. What he hadn't expected was that they would connect the dots.

The takedown was simple once they found him. Dennis Hoffshire. His wife passed away and was looking to recreate the fantasy with the women. When they didn't cooperate, he has to kill them. They were able to take him down right as he was checking in for work. After at least 10 known murders internationally, he was done.

He was found with his newest victim, the team thankfully able to get her to safety.

The team got back to the hotel late that night and it made sense to stay the night and fly in the morning, getting straight into work once they reached the office.

That morning, the team had piled back onto the jet, eager to get back home. But they were all still curious, about Anya. No one knew much about her, but they were determined.

"So Decker, which team are you going to next?" JJ asked, hoping to strike up a conversation.

"I don't really know yet. As of right now I work support on many undercovers so I'll be heading to the main building once we get off." Anya had settled herself in the back of the jet hoping to get her paperwork done prior to landing.

"You work undercovers?" Emily asked.

"It's determined on a case by case basis, on need basically. They need me tonight so I have to go."

"What case is is?" Morgan asked. But in response he only got a bored stare from Decker. She obviously couldn't say.

"What's been your most interesting case?" Spencer asked. He knew she had been working at the FBI for years.

Anya was a little bit of a legend at the FBI. You could hear whispers about the women with the highest case solved rate and her incredible efficiency. You would hear talks about how good she was with a gun and how she had taken down crowds of people double her size. No one had brought it up, but everyone knew.

"There was one where we had someone go undercover in a cult. That was certainly... interesting. Group mentality, that sort of thing." Anya looked up to answer his question and looks straight back down to do her work.

The conversation stopped after that. She obviously didn't want to talk and had a lot of work to finish. Everyone retreated to their seats to get some rest before landing. Once landed everyone dropped their things off at their desks and headed home to freshen up. Anya, however, followed Hotch into his office.

"Thank you all for your help, I really appreciate it." She started.

"Not a problem. I was great getting to work with you."

"I know you run a tight ship around here, Agent Hotchner. So I apologized if I stepped on any toes. I meant no disrespect." Anya never really felt the need to explain herself, but this time she thought that if would do her some good. She had a feeling she would be seeing the team again.

"It's not a problem Agent Decker, I understand. It was a honor, we know the prestige your name has around here."

"It's nothing of the sort really."

"So they're rumors?" Hotchner asked. He knew the answer. And he knew she was just trying to be humble.

"Things aren't always what they seem. Anyways, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to give me a call." Anya passed him her business card, a card that could come in handy later down the line when the BAU found themselves in some trouble. With that she also placed her completed files on his desk.

"Thank you again. You have an incredible team."

"Of course."

With that Anya was off and Hotch gathered his things to head home as well before coming in later in the day.

To the teams surprise, they walked in to coffee on their desks. A different one for each of them, the coffee they liked accompanied with a sweet treat.

"My brave crime fighters, which one of you lovely people brought everyone coffee?" Garcia asked walking in with her coffee and muffin. She was even more confused with the lack of response from everyone.

"I thought it was you?" JJ asked Garcia

"No..."

Rossi stepped out of his office and walked down into the bullpen. Seeing everyone's confused faces he commented, "Decker".

Everyone looked at each other in surprise. She had gotten all their coffee orders right. Her way of saying thank you.

"Aww... and I didn't even get to say thank you." Garcia said sadly.

[ellesnorthernstar]

RANDOM SCENARIOS I SCRIPTED IN MY DR. ♤

( disclaimer ; this is my alt history / alien dr. )

♠︎ this one elitist at a concert tried to get smart with me and i shut him down asap !!!

♠︎ getting to see my godfather fenriz for my 18th birthday for the second time since forever…

♠︎ getting stalked by the EFF BEE EYE. (LMAOOO)

♠︎ going back to my stupid ass ex because the character development. >>>>

♠︎ i went to WACKEN and went to many concerts/venues throughout the years. i even went to see some of my favorite bands.

♠︎ i would go dumpster diving back in hs and find cool stuff like vinyl records, earphones, money etc.

♠︎ quorthon ( YES THAT QUORTHON ) gifted my sister and i plushies and scandinavian artifacts before his passing. 🥹

♠︎ fenriz sent me a care package when i first entered college, full of norwegian snacks and even a picture of him and his wife.

♠︎ this guy dm’d me a song he made for me and then sent me a video lighting himself on fire… ( true story. )

♠︎ my mom would always rant about swedes. ( i love swedes. 💖 )

♠︎ i used to own a horse named layne and won multiple awards showing her. currently (as of now), she has passed.

♠︎ CRAWFISH SEASON… all day! everyday!

♠︎ for my 17th birthday, i went to the museum and played in the rain. so comforting. <333 for my 18th, i went to norway and serlerthas. my cart didn’t make it through sadly… #rippennifer

♠︎ the politician’s son gave me the american flag with MY face on it saying ‘AURA 2024’…. 😭😭

♠︎ i graduated high school early with a 4.7 gpa. ( yes this is possible… weighted gpa is a thing . )

♠︎ my first night at college, i accidentally caused the fire alarm to go off smoking too much. i didn’t get out and didn’t even get caught… 😭

♠︎ the way i almost got into many fights… this boy deadass thought i was a reptile. i was like “reptile WHO?” and he was acting so weird like a q-idiot. i told him off tho.

[dimonds456]

ATTENTION MINORS

I know you guys have been seeing the posts going around about Earn-It and KOSA and things of the like, and talking about how bad those things are. And you're right, they're really, really bad. But, you're not old enough to help participate in helping out, right, since you're a minor? 

WRONG.

Minors out there who are concerned about these issues: YOU CAN HELP US. KOSA and CSAM specifically are acts to create widespread censorship and invasion of privacy to "protect kids," so if anything, your younger voices are stronger than ours! 

I've compiled some resources for you guys to help out. Note that if you sound old enough, you do not have to disclose your age if you don't want to. The point is that there is a public outcry, not that you're under 18.

If you don't know what the bills are or what they do, here's a Doc that explains all that with links to different reading material where you can learn all about it there (note: as of posting this, the Restrict Act is not currently updated. Check back in the future for updates to the doc). 

The two we really need to worry about right now are KOSA and CSAM. 

KOSA is a bill being passed that would effectively let the government censor anything they want online, which can and will include minority voices, LGBTQ content, and anything they deem "unsafe" for kids (such as the suicide hotline).  

CSAM is another law that preaches about protecting kids, but would actually be used to spy on everyone. It's a trojan horse. 

There are a couple more, which are all covered more in-depth here on this site (scroll down):

Here's a few more resources for you guys, and then I'll get into how you guys can help!

KOSA

CSAM

EARN-It

(Light flash warning for this one, just in case)

RESTRICT Act

Alright, with all the reading out of the way, let's get into what to do.

How YOU can help!

Minors: you are not helpless. You are not powerless. The point is that there is a public outcry, and the fact that you are so young could be an advantage to stopping bills like KOSA and CSAM. 

If your voice can pass as an adult's, YOU CAN CALL. If you don't think your voice can pass, YOU CAN EMAIL, TEXT, SIGN PETITIONS, and honestly, you MAY STILL be able to call. 

Here's how calling works. It's gonna be scary the first time around, I know, but you've got this.

First: find out who your representatives are. This website right here makes that very easy. Go to the dropdown for your state and find it, and your two reps should automatically pop up.

Next, see if they're a Republican or a Democrat. This should be in parenthesis next to their names. Here's Michigan's and Mississippi's reps as examples of what that looks like:

How you phrase your words will differ depending on the party they're in, this is important.

Next, you'll see under their names an address, phone number, and some bibliography. (I kept using the Michigan ones cuz I was already on their page, so if you're from Michigan, here's the numbers right here.)

Let's get ready to call now.

Now, when I say "call," I don't mean exclusively by phone. You can also fax them or email them. 

Here's a website you can use to fax them.

To find their email address, google it. [Name] email, and if they've got one, it should pop up there. 

Now, the hard part: actually calling.

Before we go any further, reminder that these people are just that: people. They're not idols, they're not gods, they're not worth any more than you are. Dehumanize them as much as you need to in your head. They're not scary, they're human. 

Now, for each bill, you can either make it all separate or keep all your words in one email, as it were. How you want to do this is up to you. But, if you're feeling lost for words, there are also scripts you can use as a base. 

Here's an email to a Democrat about KOSA, for example:

And this one has emails for both sides:

The long and short of it goes like this:

Your name and something about you (I'm a retail worker) (I'm a minor) (I go to [name] school)

Explain why you're calling (I urge you to stop [bill])

Explain why the issue matters to YOU. (I am a minor, and pushing this law would do irreparable damage, not help us. Here's a bit of why.)

Ask the representative you're calling to help 

Thank them for listening. 

Keep it courteous- they'll be more likely to listen to you if you're calm and collected. I know emotions are high right now, and it's okay to let desperation in, but don't yell or scream at them, you'll only drive them away from trying to stop anything. 

More than likely, you won't be speaking to that rep directly, but the message should still be clear and reach them. 

If you're faxing or emailing, there's more room to go off about issues in more depth, since there isn't someone on the other end of the line. You can say as much as you'd like, but still try to keep it polite. 

You guys are powerful, and your young voices can add to this fight. You do not have to be an adult to call something unjust. Stand with us. Together, your voices will make us stronger.

[spacetimesally]

Ya' like Hendrix? Well, this ain't Hendrix.

So, idk if I should even be posting this, but whatever, it's kinda nifty. Of the music I make (The Reverend, GRR, Luuding/de Lillo), I occasionally like to relax by making these stupid psychedelic country folk rock tunes (Oh, Whip-poor-will, Daddy Had a Cult Following, Deep in the Desert, As a Stranger Passing Through).

And I was trying out these new lyrics, trying to do a new tune, but having no success. I always generate the music around my lyrics first, never the music first, and it just wasn't working out. One track stood out because of its specific sound, but I left it alone. I went on to generate more versions of this song around my lyrics, but it was a no-go and I said, "eff it, let's mess with this..." and a few hours later, voila. Generated a quick album cover and there you have it.

YouTube Link

edit to add lyrics:

He's a... Gunslinger (Giddy-up) A dead ringer (Woo!) That Cowboy Singer The one and only Lethal Stinger (Yeah!) That hurt bringer (Oh!) That Johnson Swinger (Ah!) He's a walkin' talkin' slip-slidin' high-flyin' middle finger

Yeah, doggy! Woo, boy! Play that thing! Gimme some joy!

Yeah, yeah

She's a... Quickdraw from Wichita Outruns the law Stuck in their craw But she ain't goin' down without fightin' those clowns word got 'round all over town Now she's The Outlaw Queen paradin' 'round in a bright and shiny badge-covered crown oh,

yeah oh, you know it, yeah

and when the two crossed paths, ya' see there was nothin' but chaos an' anarchy guns they drew those bullets flew a hail of lead over all their heads but then come The Law for the Gunslinger and the Quickdraw

and it sounded a little something like this...

by miracle an' fortune the two got away much to the law's chagrin they'll see another day they'll see another day

oh yeah

[4dkellysworld]

Hello kelly! 🫶

When i ask my mind "can I let go of this fear of XYZ happening to the body-mind" it often feels scared of doing so. The body starts reacting with anxiety about the thought of me letting go of the my fear of XYZ. There is this false sense of control telling me: "If you let go of the fear of XYZ, if you dont keep it in mind, you will not avoid the actions that may lead to XYZ and you'll end up experiencing what you fear, let me do this to prevent it from happening, let me affirm it wont happen, let me manifest somethimg that prevents it from happening etc".

I know it's a false sense of control, fear arises when I ask myself to let go of this anxiety about the future and this specific incident (XYZ) happening to this body-mind. Its been a few months of fighting this fear but it only grows. I think I tried everything that came my way.

Often I will try to observe and let the thoughts pass, is everything the mind thinks of so true anyways? I will experience a few minutes of peace before I'm caught up in the tangles of my mind again, before I'm again saying this and that and avoiding this and that to avoid a specific incident from happening to this mind-body.

I wanna calm my mind down and let my ego know that it's okay if I let go, sometimes I will feel like I need some conformation that it's safe to let go. That if I act however I want, let go of the fear and ignore all these "rules" I forced myself to follow that I will still be okay and that this body-mind will not experience what it fears in the future. I feel like the missing piece would be to actually understand the point of letting go of a problem, does this problem actually disappear when I stop giving attention to it? Will the body-mind actually not experience the fear when I as self let go or this fear and break all the rules that "keep me safe"? I know self would be okay in some sense but what about the body?

Or does it anyways happen to the body-mind and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening to this body-mind and I'm just letting go for my own peace?

I'm kinda new to this (been 1.5 months of me reading and trying to apply, succeeding sometimes and failing sometimes), I'm still learning but I'm not sure if I really get the concept of "not giving so much attention to a problem"..does it then cease to exist? Or is it just so that it doesn't impact me mentally as much (I'm not belittling this outcome, I'd love to have this outcome anyways) I know its very foolish to only let go of fear out of hope that this is the way to prevent any incident from happening but a part of me asks for an obvious answer telling me that this body-mind will not encounter what I'm fearing if I let go of the fear.

I see this type of question often getting answered with "You're not the body-mind, whatever happens to it isn't happening to you" but what if i would prefer if the body-mind didn't experience XYZ, do I have any type of control over that? Will letting go offer safety for the body and will it help this body-mind not experience its fear with the senses/ "in the 3D" ?

If I let go of this worry and decide I don't even have to replace it with peace, if I choose to completely cut ties with how the body-mind is suffering with this and how it's very fearful and decide that I will treat this fear the way I treat the fear of a friend or a character in a movie I'm watching, with empathy but without dwelling on it, while being so grateful it isnt really my problem to deal with. Will I in some way prevent it from happening to the body-mind? I experienced freedom from this feeling for almost 3 times now, all lasted for only a few minutes..but they were a cool breeze I wanted to make my default state. I'm not sure how to however. And I'm also not sure if it could prevent anything from happening to this body-mind but I sure know I hope it does.

And generally do you have any advice for me other than to observe the thoughts and let them pass since this has a very temporary effect on me? Is there any other path I can experiment with to let go of my fearful thoughts?

Thanks in advance, I'd definitely appreciate it if you answered this since what you say often seems to be aligning with me/understandable the most but it's up to you if you didn't feel like you want to. Hope you're always well, Kelly :)

When i ask my mind "can I let go of this fear of XYZ happening to the body-mind" it often feels scared of doing so. The body starts reacting with anxiety about the thought of me letting go of the my fear of XYZ.

Two of my recent posts should help as other anons have similar concerns: here and here. Whatever I don't respond to in your ask has been covered by these.

Its been a few months of fighting this fear but it only grows. I think I tried everything that came my way.

So don't fight it. Let it be. Read the two posts I linked above and apply.

Often I will try to observe and let the thoughts pass, is everything the mind thinks of so true anyways?

No, none of it is true until you assign it truth. This is why sadhana is necessary, so you learn to separate yourself from your mind.

Your thoughts, beliefs and sense of identity are intangible, arbitrarily constructed and constantly changing. Yet they seem so very real and you invest them with a tremendous sense of ownership and 'my-ness'. In our minds we create a whole subjective world, which we then superimpose on the objective world and mistake for reality. Most people are unable to separate the objective world from their subjective interpretation of it. That's why identification with mind and thought can be even harder to break than identification with body. Mithya, which is simply a configuration of name and form, always relies upon satya for its existence. The ability to differentiate between satya and mithya is crucial to liberating the mind. Confusing satya and mithya is the root of all our sorrows. By a process of mutual superimposition, we superimpose the quality of satya (existence) onto an object, believing that the object itself possesses an inherent existence of its own rather than a temporary, borrowed existence. At the same time, we superimpose the qualities of mithya (name/form) onto satya (existence). That's why we take the body and mind's attributes to belong to the Self. Like the clear water which, due to its proximity to the red glass bottle, appears to be red, the Self then appears to possess the properties of the body and mind. That's why we say, "I am happy," "I am sad," "I am fat," "I am thin." This is an error of perception caused by ignorance. As Krishna said, the Self is free of all attributes, and without limit or objectification. If the Self is limitless and without attribute, how could it - how could you possibly be happy, sad, fat, or thin? As long as you identify with the body or mind, you are subject to its miseries. But the moment you shift your identity from mithya to satya, from the body and mind to awareness, you are freed of all limitation.

Does this problem actually disappear when I stop giving attention to it? Will the body-mind actually not experience the fear when I as self let go or this fear and break all the rules that "keep me safe"? I know self would be okay in some sense but what about the body?

Suppressing attention and ignoring something that you believe to be a problem will not make it disappear; you've just pushed it to the back of your mind. Actually letting go and no longer seeing it as a problem or fearing it will dissipate it - you cannot lie to yourself so be honest with yourself. The how-to is in the posts I linked above.

Will I in some way prevent it from happening to the body-mind? I experienced freedom from this feeling for almost 3 times now, all lasted for only a few minutes

You just answered your own question. Some people can do what you're describing and genuinely stop seeing it as a problem but you have already tried and it didn't last because you weren't able to truly let go and stop giving it truth and reality. So try letting go another way (linked posts above).

And generally do you have any advice for me other than to observe the thoughts and let them pass since this has a very temporary effect on me? Is there any other path I can experiment with to let go of my fearful thoughts?

Yes, read the two linked posts and apply. That's the advice I offer you and anyone else with similar concerns. Release the fears and see them gone. Free yourself.

[loz-tearsofahomo]

Ao3 is in Danger of being Banned

US senators from both sides of the aisle are aiming to limit information online. The KOSA act (Kids Online Safety Act) is aiming to censor content, this includes limiting or banning sites like wattpad, Tumblr, Tiktok and more. Now why is this bad? Protecting children online doesn't sound like a bad thing? And you'd be right, online activity can be dangerous for kids, exposing them to things that they didn't ask for can be terrible. But this act will not fix it. There is no meaningful way (currently) to regulate the internet to extreme extents, these policies often limit LGBTQ sites and support. The Heritage Foundation is in support of KOSA for just this reason.

Transphobia resulting from these policies is likely. Extremely likely. Not to mention KOSA will not only limit these for children but also adults, a violation of the First Amendment. The EFF has sent letters of concern for this act. And reasonably so, there is no meaningful way to discern 'good' speech from 'bad' as online filters have shown us again and again. We know bans don't work, we learnt from here! When tumblr tried to ban pro-anorexic content, it backfired in people changing their lettering to get through filters and thus making it easier to find by creating tags like 'thynspiration'. US states are currently banning books 'inapropriate for children' by limiting information about race, sexuality and gender discrimination, I'm afraid this act is seeking to do the same thing. Sites like ao3 that are archives for LGBTQ youth are likely to be threatened. Both Democrats and Republicans are in support of this Act, as well as big brands such as Dove who put Lizzo as the face of it. When the US bans sites, they are often unavailable everywhere else as well as a result.

What can you do?

Spread the word!!! Tell friends and family about it!

Contact your lawmakers now to tell them to reject KOSA.

Sign a petition!

I have set up a mini archive on google drive for ao3 fics you want to preserve if this bill gets passed! Fill out this form to submit fics to be saved on an organized spreadsheet and on hard drives. You can access all the other fics people have saved and submitted from this spreadsheet! The spreadsheet should be up to date soon!

🚨🚨Please reblog to say no to censorship!🚨🚨

KOSA articles and links under the cut

Information about KOSA and similar Bills:

The Kids Online Safety Act is Still A Huge Danger to Our Rights Online

Lawmakers update Kids Online Safety Act to address potential harms, but fail to appease some activists, industry groups

Congress is flooded with bills for childproofing the internet / But civil liberties groups are spooked many of the bills could cause more harm than good.

Kids Online Safety Act Remains a Threat to Minors and Free Speech

How far should the government go to control what your kids see online?

Congress proposes anti-child abuse rules to punish web platforms — and raises fears about encryption

The Kids Online Safety Act Is a Heavy-Handed Plan to Force Platforms to Spy on Young People

LGBTQ Activists Call On Lizzo To Drop Her Support For Kids Online Safety Act

[selya711-twiste]

soooooooo,,, rollo, huh- after ur other oneshot im craving more rollo content from you badly. would you do a male reader x rollo sharing a blanket cuz its cold outside? maybe with reader being a bit of a blanket hog

keeping warm

Rollo Flamme x reader It sounds reasonable to sleep together and use each other's bodies as a heat source. However, you're also a bit of a menace.

I've been letting this request cook for too long when it's exactly what I need rn. what the eff! it's so cold! and it's going to get worse soon!! I hope you're enjoying your holidays tho anon. i wish we all have a rollo to troll cuddle with. once again y/n is a sweet little jerk as per my last fic. it's just the best y/n possible for rollo. happy rollodays and rollo year

You can't forget the look on his face when you brought up the idea of sleeping together. It takes a lot to get under Rollo's skin, but something about you makes him so jumpy. It was impossible to miss the twitch in the corner of his lips as he brought his handkerchief to his face. He questioned your motives, as he always does whenever you do anything. You reasoned that the winter temperature warrants it, and you two have already been so close as of late... Intimate, rather. it's a word that hasn't passed him by until you came around.

He seemed so reluctant to share a room with you, but you convinced him enough for him to say yes. He invited you to his room this evening and you made no protest as you assumed that it was where he was more comfortable sleeping. Rollo is still new to being so close to anyone that he might just be awake the whole night if he were in your place. You wouldn't want to add another ring to the dark circles under his eyes, would you?

Night finally falls, and you make your way to his dorm room. Noble Bell College at night was surely a sight. You clutch your pillow as your eyes trace the shadows on every candelabra you pass by until you finally arrive. "Rollo?" You knock on his door thrice.

You had a brief thought of just getting in without knocking, but you wouldn't want to risk whatever might happen with the man on the other side. You don't check if it's locked because Rollo would surely take note of you trying to get in from the sound of the knob rattling.

You don't get to knock one more time when Rollo finally answers. "Good evening," he greets you in his pajamas. You stare at him up and down because of how different he suddenly looked. He would look so cool and imposing in his council president uniform, but right now he appeared so relaxed to you.

Are those his collarbones?

"Won't you come in? What are you so surprised about? You're wearing the same clothes as I am," he sighs as he stands aside to give way to you. "Ah, so sorry."

You feel a little more overwhelmed as soon as you do step into his room. Everything about Rollo's space is so clean, as expected, but not only that... It's just so full of him. All of his belongings from his books to the pens neatly arranged on his desk, to the chairs where he sits, and the closet full of his clothes... And then his bed, right there. You're just so tempted to dive right into it, but your host is still standing behind you, wondering what could possibly be on your mind as you were looking all over the place.

You look down at the pillow that you brought with you, before looking at the ones on Rollo's bed. It must be the privilege of being the leader of the whole student body to afford a room twice as big as the standard dorm room, so it's reasonable that even his bed was a bit bigger. Well, in exchange, he has a whole lot more duties to attend to compared to the average student.

"It is best we go to sleep now as we have classes tomorrow," he says as he walks past you. Rollo makes a gesture toward your side of the bed which you follow obediently as he makes his way to the other. You place your pillow down and enter the covers while he puts out the light.

The mattress in his bed is standard, so it isn't different from yours back in your own room. What you become flustered about is how much stronger his scent was all over his sheets and pillows. Your heartbeat becomes even faster as you feel his weight on the space next to yours, the blankets shifting with Rollo taking the other side.

"Goodnight," he softly greets you and he closes his eyes.

Wait, is that it...?

This went very differently in your head. For starters, he didn't even bother engaging in a late-night conversation with you after you came into his room. You think that maybe you should have initiated it, but you also zoomed into lying down on his bed. You look at Rollo who is lying flat on his back with his hands on his chest looking all peaceful.

Is he already asleep?!

Even the gargoyle in the bell tower is softer compared to him, you think to yourself. "Rollo?" You mutter as to not startle him as you slowly come closer to his side. "Hm?" It was a low noise, but it was enough for you to know that he was actually still awake. It's only been a few seconds in so there's no way would drift off that fast.

"...Nothing, goodnight," you answer back and turn around. You feel a little bit let down. Cuddling would be really ideal in this weather, but you can't bring yourself to throw yourself onto him anymore.

Yes, Rollo has to be the one to go to you this time. That's why you start pulling the blankets away from him. You wonder what kind of face he's making as he gently pulls them back from you, only for you to reel in almost all of the covers away from his body. Otherwise, the warmth of the whole duvet on top of you and in your arms feels so comfortable as the snow continues to fall outside. If nothing happens next, you'd surely fall asleep right then and there.

"Do you mind?" He whispers right against your ear, causing you to jump slightly. "What is it, Rollo?" You respond coyly and embrace the duvet closer. "You know what it is," he answers back and tries to pull the sheets away from you again. It feels like a fun game of tug of war, and you hope he's not too mad about it. By now, he should become used to the way you flirt, which just seemed to be getting on his nerves as much as possible that he questions why you've ended up in his heart instead.

"Why, it sure must be cold on your side... There's only enough of this blanket on mine. Won't you sleep much closer to me, Rollo?"

"This is such a roundabout way of asking me to cuddle with you."

"So you've thought about it, then?" You turn around and find him right behind you, his eyes gazing into yours. His hair, which was usually neatly combed during the day, was now a little disheveled from his moving around. Rollo looked unsure, and even his hand that was slightly above you seemed like he was still choosing between holding you or grabbing the covers back. "I didn't want to intrude on your space," he sighs and wraps his hand around the duvet after all, hesitant to touch you.

You lean forward and rest your head on his chest. "I do that to you all the time." You do the work for your awkward boyfriend and pull the blanket away from his hand. You place the covers over both of you and eventually wrap your arms around him. "Can we sleep like this?"

Rollo is reluctant to return the gesture, but his arms don't have anywhere else to go but around your form. It wasn't that he disliked you, or else you never would've set foot in his room at all. To put it bluntly, you were overwhelming, but he knows in his heart how distant he was from everyone until you took the initiative to come running to him, straight into his arms like you are now.

"Of course."

Rollo feels a bit of shame about how livelier you were than him when it came to showing affection. In the end, you were still the one taking the reins whenever it came to you two being intimate with one another. Either way, he was in bliss just having you here with him now, and softens up.

The night goes on quietly as you focus on the gentle rise and fall of his chest next to the sound of his heartbeat. You feel Rollo's arms eventually relax and embrace you more fully. It now feels so much warmer and more genuine, you can't help but melt into him. It was just so rewarding to feel his hesitance slowly disappear as he holds you even closer to his body.

"Sleep tight," he whispers against the top of your head and it feels like a little kiss. You think about coming over every night from now on regardless of what season it was as you drift off to sleep. Surely he wouldn't mind.

[waitmyturtles]

SPOILERS AND ANALYSIS FOR THE EIGHTH SENSE, EPISODES 9 and 10. TURN AWAY IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET! LONG POST!

MY HEART. IS. SO. FULL. 

Episode 9 almost (ALMOST!) reached Bad-Buddy-episode-10-level for me. That was a hell of an episode. 

And I am so thrilled, SO FREAKING THRILLED, to have been proven wrong about my theories as to whether or not episode 6 was “real” to the series. It was very real, and clearly so meaningful and contributive to Jae Won (as well, of course, to Ji Hyun), that... it sent Jae Won running, literally.

One more passing thought before I dig into the meal: 

I haven’t dug into this at ALL yet, but I think there might purposefully be a lot of similarities between The Eighth Sense and Where Your Eyes Linger, which (I think this is accurate, but PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong) was one of the first non-Strongberry Big KBLs to come out. I went back to Viki to make sure to confirm this, but Jung Seo In -- the restaurant ahjumma and Ji Hyun’s boss in T8S -- also plays a restaurant proprietor in Where Your Eyes Linger, and actually asks Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook “who’s top and who’s bottom” when she first meets them in WYEL (a little squick but she made it cute for that time). The promo picture for WYEL on Viki is of the two leads lying on the floor with their heads touching.... a different orientation, but a lot of the same feeling, as the opening of episode 10 of T8S. And, finally: Han Tae Joo of WYEL and Jae Won of T8S are both “the chairman’s son.” They are both sons in need of care.

That’s enough for a comparison for now to WYEL, because I haven’t spent enough time digging into it, but I’ll return to Ji Hyun’s ahjumma in a second, because she’s a badassssssss. Anyway:

Episode 9: What can I say. As with Bad Buddy episode 10, I’m struggling to get words down. I love a ride to a gorgeous union. 

And Jae Won, HONEY, Y’ALL TOOK ME ON A HELL OF A RIDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEE. DUDE. I wanna be friends with you!

We learned some things. Ji Hyun brings light into Jae Won’s life. When we saw Jae Won with Eun Ji -- it was always in darkness (except for surf club earlier in the series, but Ji Hyun was there with Jae Won). jae Won eats with Eun Ji in a pojangmacha at night. He sits with Eun Ji in a dark library. He walks with Eun Ji on dark streets. She tries to kiss him in the nighttime. 

Ji Hyun sees that -- and something twists inside of Jae Won.

Then we get Jae Won and Eun Ji in the dark library. And, JEEEEZUS. WHOA! UM! I. did. not. expect. the. long. game. to. be. played. LIKE. THAT.

Motherfucker played a LONG-ASS, I’M A NAVY VETERAN, I CHASED AFTER YOU, I SAW YOU WITH ANOTHER GUY, I WAITED FOR YOU, I WAITED UNTIL MORNING, I SAW YOU WERE STILL WITH HIM, I SAW YOU WALKING OUT OF THE MOTEL WITH HIM, I SAW THAT, I CAME BACK, YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY FEAR ABOUT JI HYUN AND THE ACCIDENT, AND I REVENGE-DATED YOU, KINDA GAME, HEADSHAKE, SHRUG, I’M LOOKING AT MY NAILS, PSH.

BRO. WHAT. THE. EFF. 

I want a Cardi B song about this shit. Dude, you played that better than ANY female character in a K-drama that I have EVER seen, my man! You actually WENT AND DATED HER, LIKE KINDA LITERALLY-BUT-MAYBE-YOUR-HEART-WASN’T-ACTUALLY-INTO-IT-SO-MAYBE-IT-WAS-FOR-THE-ASSIGNMENT-DEALIE??? Good lord. 

Like, can that become a K-drama/KBL trope? Hot DAMN. ANYWAY. (Actually, one more reference to this for episode 10, but enough of the all caps, ha.)

You know what that means, right? While all that was going on, Jae Won’s heart WASN’T with Eun Ji. He was processing his stuff with Ji Hyun on his own, and with his therapist (once more, lol, @emotionallychargedtowel, take me to your analysis! I gotta know what you thought about the therapist calling Jae Won selfish!). 

Jae Won said it himself. He’s rooted in depression. He’s rooted in guilt about his brother’s death. He’s rooted in guilt over Ji Hyun’s accident. I will posit that episode 6 still felt like a “dream,” likely because of meds, likely because of Jae Won’s headstate. It was a “real” moment for the series but for where Jae Won’s head was at, he was likely battling a depressive episode with the continued, chronic guilt of his life. So things seemed fuzzy and jumpy -- because they were fuzzy and jumpy for Jae Won. 

(Whenever I try to describe these states to people, I try to think of relative moments... like being at work with four hours of sleep. Driving while your contact lens has something in it. You’re fuzzily in and out of reality. Jae Won’s depression is deeper than that. But I try to relate to it somehow with those metaphors.)

So the therapist does her own thing by calling Jae Won “selfish” for rooting in his pain. How we choose to judge her behavior is whatever -- it still gives me the jibbles, and I lean towards the utterly wonderful @emotionallychargedtowel for better analysis about therapy than me.

But, as we very clearly saw -- Jae Won’s breakthrough came through the restaurant ahjumma. Remember: she represents a break from tradition, as I said last week. She’s done with the bullshit of living by the rules of others.

She sees university students in and out, everyday, eating samgyupsal and drinking their sorrows away. She sees former students coming back to say hi. 

She’s been around the block, and has seen people get around the block themselves. She knows the advice that she’s giving to Jae Won. Unlike the therapist, she’s not gonna make Jae Won feel bad about himself. She’s just going to feed him and HELP HIM.

LET GO OF IT ALL, HONEY. GO AND GET YOUR MAN. 

And Jae Won finally let go. He went to the water. He took us with him to a flashback to the sea, to the light, where he’s the happiest. He took us to where he’s the freest that he can be.

And Ji Hyun called him back to Ji Hyun’s side. Called Jae Won back through music, and Jae Won heard him, and ran to Ji Hyun, and they embraced -- and it was perfect. 

I’m gonna be that auntie when I grow up.

Episode 10: There are a couple of side discussions with friends that I want to refer to, but let me say first that I have zero issues with this light, lovely conclusion. I am a SLAVE for K-drama tropes, and I didn’t mind that this episode had a few. This series did so beautifully to NOT hew to tropes, and to create a new paradigm of filmmaking in KBLs, that I was TOTALLY FINE with seeing some sweet tropey behavior -- the drinking, the partying, the dancing, the dance music. The love games. The heads leaning on shoulders. Coffees in cans. Let me give you my jacket. 

Friends @shortpplfedup and @lurkingshan and @wen-kexing-apologist: I’m okay with the forgiveness to Tae Hyung and Eun Ji. Because. 

I think Jae Won’s being a little shady, come awn. I think he popped his umbrella open. Just a little. Ji Hyun ADMITTED to being sassy, but I think Jae Won knew he was being just a little bitty-bit shady, and I’m gonna let the man have his. He’s a game-player. 

Eun Ji HAD TO ADMIT that she got her ass handed to her. And Ji Hyun and Jae Won both knew she’d have a hard time, internally. I’m fine with her being calm about it. She knew she fucked up the game, hard, when she got her ass caught cheating. We know she’s lame, she knows she’s lame, let’s live and move on.

I thought Jae Won’s read on Tae Hyung was great. Tae Hyung IS someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, however misguided it is. Humans are not perfect. Jae Won wants to be with honest people. (That’s why he dumped Eun Ji’s ass and handed her the receipts. He can forgive her, but he certainly AIN’T going out with her again.)

As Bed Friend ended with happy moment after happy moment -- I believe the filmmakers knew exactly what they were giving us with this finale. How we came to SUCH a happy ending just boggles me, but it was a loving and a sweet one. GO YOON WON AND JOON PYO. COME AWN. GO GO GO. (And go Bit Na! Reject that motherfucker. AND AE RI! GURL! I’m gonna miss you, nothing slides by you.)

And I want to refer back to something about the therapist conversation in episode 9 that got concluded in episode 10. I think it’s really important to note that BOTH Ji Hyun AND Jae Won took care OF EACH OTHER in these last two episodes.

Jae Won was rotting in guilt over not being able to TAKE CARE OF JI HYUN during the accident. Jae Won arguably got Ji Hyun in trouble. 

Ji Hyun, upon his recovery, TAKES CARE OF Jae Won. Ji Hyun handled the disciplinary committee. He gives Jae Won a disposable camera and encourages Jae Won’s photography. He continues to send Jae Won text messages, songs. Sending messages of hope and light and love. I’m still here, Jae Won, I haven’t left. Jae Won’s brother might not be here. Ji Hyun never left. 

What shocked Jae Won out of his stasis was the ahjumma’s words. I think Jae Won realized at that moment that -- AS AHJUMMA WAS SAYING ALL ALONG -- THAT JAE WON WAS OVERTHINKING THINGS. Once Jae Won could 

SEE. THE. LIGHT.

he was able to take off, and finally go back to Ji Hyun, in whole. 

(I think we know why the therapist’s office was dark. Jae Won couldn’t see the light in there. 

His light comes from Ji Hyun and the water.)

It’s a rarity, but I’m putting this on my short MUST WATCH list. This BLEW away any filmmaking expectations I previously had about KBLs. This was SINGULAR, groundbreaking, the actors ATE their roles, ATE THEM -- and it was utterly fulfilling.

PHENOMENAL SHOW. I’m going to miss this one TREMENDOUSLY. 

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part.3

part.3 is here! I'm sorry, I know I'm spamming but I just like this fic so much and I love Haymitch and I love everything. As usual, english is not my first language so please have mercy.

Comment if you want me happy! *gif not mine*

MASTERLIST

Part 2

Too damn beautiful 

After dinner, Effie suggests you see the reapings in the other districts before you go to bed. It’s actually a good idea, because you don’t want to go to your room and think. Thinking it’s something you crave not to do right now. 

«Why are the last victors not here?» Your tribute asks, and it’s actually a fair question.

«Oh, President Snow thought they had so much to do with their wedding! They’ll be mentors next year.» Bummer, you could have used Peeta’s help. This boy is the mastermind of strategies at the age of seventeen. And Katniss… Katniss could have helped you with survival skills. You are terrified your mentor drinks his heart out not to see you two die in the games, not even trying to save you. No, he wouldn't. He would? You are not sure.

You sit beside Haymitch, far away from Clark that always looks at you like he wants to murder you. He has plenty of time for that in the arena, you don’t understand why he needs to be so open about it.

Your mentor is visibly drunk, but you know how to handle this man when he drinks and he actually feels safer than your companion in the games. And he smells really good in spite of his inebriated state. Like musk and whisky - and no one can deny whisky has a great taste. You want whisky. Maybe later.

Effs lights the television - followed by your “thank you, Effie” and the district one is displayed in his honour. You have to admit district one is beautiful. 

A young woman volunteers, she looks like she’s your age, she has a wonderful muscular body and shiny blonde hair. Straight out of an academy, probably one that was in line to volunteer when she was sixteen.

«She’s stunning and deadly.» You comment, mesmerised and scared by her beauty.

«You can look deadly too if you commit to it!» Says Effie. “Thanks for the stunning part”, you think, but it’s true. You can pass at “nice” and “pretty” if you clean yourself, but it’s a kind of prettiness that disappears in front of girls like her or your escort. 

«We will have another strategy for her.» Declares Haymitch and he places a hand on your leg. You thought he fell asleep, but apparently he is awake.

The male tribute of district one is similar to his female counterpart, and so the tributes of district 2 and 4. District 3’s girl is barely nineteen years old, crying her heart out. You get her. You want to protect this little girl, and it scares you. Same thing with the man of District 10, who has to be thirty but he looks like a middle aged man due to his hard work, and has a stare so sad you want to say to him everything is going to be okay.

«How am I going to kill these people?» You whisper to yourself, letting yourself go on the couch. The weariness is coming, you managed to be chatting and outgoing all day, consoling everybody next to you, but right now you can’t anymore and when you feel tears merging through your eyes you know you have to be alone.

Yours is the last reaping. You see yourself be called, in your pretty little dress and daisies in your black hair, jumping into Haymitch’s arms and then saying hi to Katniss and Peeta. You look distraught, almost in shock, while Holly is devastated. Clark has a stolid, imperturbable look on himself, like he knew. In comparison you are the weak one.

Well, in reality you are the weak one.

«I’m sorry, I’m so tired.» You excuse yourself and go to your room.

You are tired, but you can’t sleep. Instead you begin to cry, and at least you can do it alone, when no one watches you and judges you. You cry because it’s unfair, you are only twenty four, you can still do a lot of things. You wanted to be a teacher. You wanted to marry one day, have kids because you are terrific with children and now you are condemned to be a murderer if you are incredibly lucky, and killed in 90% of the possibilities. And everyone expects that you are on board, combative, competitive, lethal. You are not. 

You eventually fall asleep sobbing.

You hardly hear a knock on the door. You think of not opening that, but this could be Effie, and you don’t want to be harsh on her. 

You get up, as you try to clean your face from the tears, but your eyes are puffed and sparkling. You notice with a surprise that in front of you there’s no Effie, there’s your mentor.

«Haymitch?» You ask, your throat sore from the bawling.

«You are waking up the entire train, sweetheart.» He points out. If he was sleeping he didn’t change his clothes, he probably passed out drunk on the couch where you were two hours ago. You are almost ashamed of yourself for thinking “Still fine, tho”.

«I’m so very sorry, tomorrow I’ll ask for sleeping pills.» You reply in a light tone, as if anything is wrong. Maybe he is tired and doesn’t want to debate. 

«Mh.» He stares at you with his blue eyes. You smile like it’s everyday and you are still working for him, but it’s a charade and he knows it. «It’s ok if you lie to them, but I’m the one who has to keep you alive.» 

«Will you try?» You murmur, dropping the fade. You are terrified of letting him see the truth, because when you stop acting there’s no guarantee you can do it again tomorrow.

«Will you?» He shots back.

He knows you, he knows you have no combat skills and you can’t even kill the rabbits to eat, as you always let him or Holly do that, or you buy them from Katniss and Gale Hawthorne when you cook for the major. He has to know you have zero chances.

«I’m not a hunter.» You whisper as if you talk slowly and briefly it’s not the truth.

«There is more in the games than just being a hunter. You are a pretty thing, you can actually have sponsors, and you know the erbs. But I can do my part, for your part I need your collaboration. If you decide it’s not worth it, you might as well tell me now so I can accept this goddamn drink I want!»

He is raging, you’ve never seen him that way, not even when you are in his house and he storms in strongly inebriated. The first instinct you have is to say sorry, but you can tell it’s not the right thing to do.

«I promise I’ll do everything I can to stay alive.» You say instead, shivering from the fear and the cold, as you are standing bare feet in a nightgown. 

He seems to calm down, and he takes a look at you. «Tomorrow we will discuss strategy. Now go before you catch a cold.»

«Haymitch?» You call him before closing the door.

«Mh?»

«Thank you.»

You wake up early in the morning, take a long hot shower and then you choose a white dress. You don’t do a braid or anything, let your raven hair loose on your shoulders, and you dare to use a little bit of the blush and mascara you have found in your room. As you watch yourself in the mirror you can look at a doe eyed, cute sweet girl. It’s not much, but you think you can work your image on that. 

You leave your room to have breakfast, and you can see Effie is delighted to see you and even make you do a spin. You feel a little proud of yourself.

«That’s lovely, my dear! You look like a… a…» She can’t quite pick a word but Haymitch, sitting at the table with his glass already full, helps her.

«Princess from a fairytale.»

«A Princess, exactly! It is wonderful, my dear. And without a designer! You have talent.» She looks very happy, and that makes you smile. You like making Effie happy, genuinely happy. 

«What do you think?» You turn to Haymitch, and you hope he notices this is a way to commit. He nods.

«Come, we’ll discuss the strategy.» He seems a little tipsy. 

«Shouldn’t we wait for Clark?» You ask. You hate him, but you don’t want to be rude. 

«I don’t think you two will be allies, do you?»

He totally has a point. You take a cream puff and you nearly squeal when you taste it. It’s so good! You’ve never had something so good in your entire life. You take another. And another. The older man watches you with a smirk on his face that makes you blush.

«Talk! I can listen and eat at the same time.» You tell him with a smile.

«I didn’t want to spoil your fun.» He jokes. «So, you are not a warrior, or a killer. But you are good with plants, and you know who to cook and light a fire, and you are nice to people. It makes you bearable.»

«He is trying to say you are adorable, dear!» Effie steps in. You thank her, but you can swear that’s not what Haymitch wanted to say. 

«But doesn’t that make me look weak?»

«Could be, but you are strong too. You can carry me to bed when I can’t do that alone, remember?»

You nod. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. 

«Strength and sponsors can save your life. Today you will meet the stylist to prepare you for the parade. Make an impression.»

«Thank you, mentor.»

«Don’t call me that.» He shushes you and he drinks. It’s barely eight o’clock. 

As you go into your room before Clark arrives, you approach an avox. «Miss Trinket says not to serve any alcohol before midday.» You say to him like it’s an order that Effie gave to you. 

You quickly arrive at Capitol City. The city is marvellous, and you go to the window of the train to wave at the people and to see as much as you can. You thought District 12 to be the least interesting, but a lot of people are waving and blowing kisses in your direction. You quickly understand that you are so lucky to be there at that precise moment, you have to act. You blow kisses, say hi particularly to the little kids, smile for the crowd. 

When you see Haymitch coming from the table, addressing his room, you catch him by his arm and point your finger in his direction for the crowd to see, as you continue to be Capitol's little princess, and when you notice Effie approaching you, you run in her direction to take her near the window with you, letting her have her five minutes of fame beside you as you preach her and give a little kiss to her on the cheek.

«What is that?» Haymitch asks you when he's able to go away from the windows. «They have to remember you, not us.»

«You managed to save not one but two of your tributes last year, I want them to connect me with you.»

«And Effie?»

«Look at her, she is so happy.»

He shakes his head, eager to be alone in his room.

Due to Katniss's marriage, Cinna is not able to be your stylist this year and the poor Portia has to collaborate with the two tributes. 

You have to go to the prep team, and you meet three weird figures. A man named Flavius and two women, Venia and Octavia. They are in typical Capitol fashion, with wigs and strong makeup.

The only man, named Flavius, watches your hair in displeasure and sighs. 

«Haymitch told us not to change your hair, sweetie.»

Thank you Mentor, you think. 

After what you think is almost an hour (you really didn’t want to know what a wax was), you are headed to Portia. 

When you arrive at the parade, you don't even look like yourself anymore. Portia is a genius. Your outfit is black like coal, but it's a long chiffon dress with a low - very low cleavage. Your neck and shoulders are full of black small pearls that sparkle with the lights. Your makeup is elegant, red lipstick and black eyeshadows. They added perfume, something you never had in your life.

You feel pretty. Maybe not beautiful, but pretty. Even taller.

Effie greets you with compliments when you approach your team for the parade, but you search the other tributes. They are so beautiful you are quickly humbled. Clark is there too, but you two ignore each other.

You are actually looking around when another mentor comes to you. District four. What the hell, it’s Finnick Odair. Even in the District you know Finnick Odair, because he is a celebrity. No, he is *the* celebrity. He is handsome, with a wicked smile and he wants you dead, you assume. You hope that Haymitch wants the other tributes dead. Does he plan to kill you when he is with Clark? Is he making his mind right now, deciding who to save?

«First Katniss Everdeen, then you. District 12 only has beauties.»

«It’s Portia’s work, not me.» You admit. Shit, maybe you could lie. You didn’t think about it. Are you panicking? You are panicking. For Finnick Odair. Well, it is fair. How is his hair so shiny? It’s not possible. Maybe it’s the sea water.

«Give yourself some credit, Pinecone.» He hands you something. «Want a sugarcube?» 

«Did you put poison in it?» You answer back, with a smile on your face. 

«Not before the games.» He assures. «I hope we’ll see each other again, Pinecone.»

«But you shouldn't…» You are talking alone, because he’s back to his tributes in a moment, leaving you confused as hell. 

You return to your team, where everyone is staring at you with a big question mark on their forehead. You can’t help but notice Haymitch, who got cleaned up. He is in a black suit and you immediately forget even the name of Finnick Odair. He is rough and he has to shave his beard and you absolutely adore him. If he doesn’t want to let you alone in the arena and give all the sponsors to Clark.

«What did Finnick Odair want from you?» Effie asks, and you can tell she is excited. She has a point.

«He offered a sugarcube.» You say back. You literally have no idea what just happened. 

«And did you take it?» She keeps going. «He is handsome!»

«Not my type, but yes, he is.» You manage to look at Haymitch. Oh, c’mon, you are going to die in a week, you can flirt a little.

«Look at you two!» Effie changes the subject and gives you and Clark the hand. «You are so beautiful! For a tribute. You are going to collect a lot of sponsors tonight!»

«Tonight?» 

«Since you are older, President Snow thought that you could participate at the party tonight. It’s not the right place for a sixteen year old…» Or a twelve year old, but she doesn’t say that. «But you are older, so why not?»

You can think of a reason or two, like that in a few days you are sent to die, but she seems so happy you just can’t spoil her fun.

«Come, it’s time.» Haymitch declares and puts a hand on your hips. Dear heavens. «I know your balance, do you want a hand with the chariot?»

You glare at him, but he is actually right and your tribute is not going to help you. «My knight in shining armour.» You ironically say back.  

«Tonight you stay close to me.» It is an order, not an invitation, and he is deadly serious. «You are too damn beautiful for your own good.» Your heart skips a beat. 

«Thank you?» You whisper.

«Not the right answer. The right answer is “Yes, Haymitch, I’ll be on sight”.» He seems raging. You are sure you didn’t do anything wrong this time. You look into his blue eyes for answers, but receive nothing.

«Yes, Haymitch, I’ll be on sight.»  

Why the hell is everyone talking in code at this damn parade?