#now to get the norm thing done for Lexis!!

[grandlinedreams]

|| this man is an exposed live wire in my brain ok

|| notes: uhh prequel to [this] and [this], semi Canon compliant, pre-s1 but mentions of pre-war Cooper, I love the dynamic 😔👌✨️

|| warnings: hopefully IC Cooper, asshole x asshole dynamic we love to see it, weapons/supply dealer!reader, Canon typical violence, mention of blood/reader is injured kinda, spoilers? Abt Cooper's backstory, kinda enemies to friends/lovers

He doesn't know why he's here.

No, that's a lie ㅡ he does know why he's here, he just doesn't want to admit it. To himself, or to anyone else, for that matter. That he needs help.

Those fancy little bullets for his gun are hard to come by, few and far between when he can't get them by looting and places like Ma June's enjoy extorting as much as they can for so very little.

There's a difference between business transactions and highway robbery, even now. Which is why he's here ㅡ he'd gotten talk about a place that sold weapons and weapon-related supplies at a fair rate, and necessity had made him swallow his pride to go and find out for himself.

Which is why he's not just turning around and fuckin' leaving.

The building is crammed between two others, as ramshackle as the rest being made of recycled tin and wood that's rotted by time and rain in places, but still suggests a stability that won't crumble if somebody breathes too hard on it.

Cooper's spurs jingle as he walks, lost momentarily to the chime of something over his head when he pushes the door open. He looks up, forehead creasing.

Is that a bell?

Rusted but still in working order, it clatters again when he shuts the door, looking around. It's about as put together as any other kind of shop, an eclectic organization to it ㅡ a couple of rifles, a pistol or two, along with an admittedly impressive assortment of knives ㅡ but it's the shine of something on the floor that makes Cooper stop.

His head cocks as he studies the stain, the still-slick shimmer to it that makes him crouch and drag two gloved fingers against it, studying the residue. Coppery, with a hefty dose of some kind of chem to clean it, but still unmistakable ㅡ blood.

Well damn. He doesn't know what's happened here and he's pretty sure he doesn't care to, much beyond the fact that if the runner of this place is dead, that puts a damper on things. Or maybe not ㅡ if nobody's here, what's to stop him from taking what he wants?

"If you're thinkin' of stealing," comes a call that snaps his head up as it echoes from further back in the building, "I'd advise you not to. Less you wanna meet your maker, then I'd be happy to assist."

It's a flat bravado that both amuses him and piques his interest, and he leans against the counter to rap his knuckles. "Not stealin'," he drawls, "just wonderin' what kind of business model you've got if you make customers wait."

"The kind where patience is still a virtue, that's what." Foosteps, unhurried ㅡ and then Cooper is staring at you as you round the corner. You've got a jumpsuit of some indistinguishable color opened to rest around your hips, dingy tank-top underneath ㅡ and a stimpak in your hand. No doubt for the mess of your other arm, bicep wrapped with gauze that's already seeped into a bloom of bright red.

Well now. Cooper wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but you still manage to surprise him. Enough that he's staring, which makes you scowl.

"I know that look," you challenge, "if you think I'm easy picking, you'll get a new place to breathe from, courtesy of the hole I'll put in your head."

Cooper's head cocks. "Well now sugar," he says, "that's not very nice now, is it? Wasn't even thinkin' of that." He turns, jerks a thumb at the half-assed cleaning of the mess on the floor. "That's your doin', I reckon."

You nod. "Don't get trouble much," you say, "but when I do, I make sure to prove a point." You jam the stimpak into your arm, and he watches the tension melt from your shoulders. "Now, what can I do for you besides point out the exit?"

Well damn, Cooper thinks again. You've got a pretty face, but it's at odds with the attitude coming from that nice little mouth of yours. About as welcoming as a rattlesnake and probably just as quick to anger, from the way you bristle as he eyes you.

"Need supplies," he says, and you snort.

"What a wellspring of information you are. What kind of supplies?" You eye him, brow furrowing. "You're a bounty hunter, aren't you? Get your kind in here all the time." You tap a worn boot against the floor, hands now on your hips. "Hope you got means to pay for shit, because I don't do tab and I sure as fuck don't do charity work."

Cooper isn't sure if he likes you or he hates you. Bit of both, he guesses. The like is tentative and the hate is more solid ground, because he hates just about everybody. Makes it easier to do what needs to be done.

"Well, sweetheart," he leans into the counter, tips his hat, "depends on what you got to show me that's worth buyin'."

You stare, unimpressed by whatever angle he's going for. He's handsome, you'll give him that ㅡ but not much else. He also reminds you of somebody, with that hat of his and the way he talks ㅡ the low, drawn out drawl that you've only seen in those movies you manage to scrounge up here and there for your amusement.

Rolling your eyes, you hold up a finger and shrug your arms back into the jumpsuit, though you don't bother to zip it up. "Gimme a sec."

You don't know why you're doing this. Entertaining the notion that if you show him good enough product, he'll become a regular. You like regulars, but most of what you get seem to run on about six months worth of visits and then vanish.

Probably dead. Such is the way of the world, and it's still enough to get by. But you like new faces.

To his credit, he doesn't flinch when you slap the first pack onto the counter, followed by a second, and then a third.

"This is baseline stuff," you explain. "Your usual grade of bullet. Black powder, the standard kick." You shove the first pack at him, let him inspect the bullets. "Then you've got these."

The second pack shoved over, thin fabric parted so he can eye the neat little row of what would be hollow-point bullets if they didn't end with a tiny, pointed bulb of red glass.

"Explosive rounds." Your expression is unreadable. "They do the job, but they need special packing. Unless you wanna be blown up before the damn things even get loaded into the gun."

Cooper hums, eyes the bullet he holds up, the barely there shift of powder in the glass. He watches as you push the third over. "And these?"

"Same, but they pack even more of a punch. I'd recommend only shooting them at shit you want up in smoke." You shrug. "Or people, deathclaws, whatever the fuck you do out there."

Cooper studies you. "Where did you get this stuff? Thought bullets were hard to come by."

You give him a flat look of annoyance. "I make 'em myself."

Cooper stares, then smirks. Another little tip to his head. "Really now," he says, watches you bristle like a viper, ready to strike. Wonders if those fangs of yours pack a punch, what he'd need to do to get you to spit at him. "How 'bout you show me, darlin'? Wanna make sure what I buy is good quality."

You should tell him to shove it. Tell him to get the absolute fuck out of your shop, take his fuckin' yeehaw personality to someone else in the mood to deal with it ㅡ but you don't.

Instead, you sigh and tug the packages back, moving away from the counter. "Well c'mon then," you prompt, irritated. "Don't have all goddamn day."

The back of your shop is half a home and half a workshop, sprawled mess of equipment rusted with time but otherwise well maintained, smell of grease and hot metal and gunpowder that clings to everything.

You don't have to look back to know he's followed you, the jingle of his spurs as he takes his time, eyes missing nothing. The boxes of empty casings and empty glass bulbs ㅡ and the Mister Handy that's slumped in the corner, sparks spitting from it.

"Poor thing got shot first with that...situation earlier." Your voice is quiet. "Gotta fix 'im if I can."

Kind of funny, you sound sadder about the damn machine than the fact you'd killed someone over it. Then again, they'd been trying to kill you, so...eh. Justified, in your book.

The rest of the room is a haphazard attempt at something like a house ㅡ a couch with blankets on it, a short stack of books gone yellow at the edges, a coffee table ㅡ and sitting on it is a shitty little television, staticy and without color ㅡ but that doesn't matter. What matters to Cooper is that he knows what it's playing.

Your flitting around fades a little as he watches himself on screen ㅡ forever ago, a lifetime ago. Before the bombs, before vault-tec ㅡ when he'd been happy.

He'd loved his life, his family ㅡ and they'd loved him too.

"I've got enough stuff to make another round of flash-baㅡ" You stop, blinking at the way he's staring at the television. "Somethin' wrong? I know this isn't much, but it's my way of living, soㅡ"

"Stop your yappin'," Cooper rasps, and you glare as he shakes himself out of whatever reverie he was lost in. You scowl.

"Look, I know this doesn't seem like much of anything, but this is my business, and my shop." Your eyes narrow. "So try to be a little fuckin' nicer if you want me to sell you anything."

Whatever patience he'd had left promptly snaps like a bowstring as he snatches your arm, grips it tighter than he should. "Listen, sweetheart," he hisses, "what exactly is stopping me from just takin' what I want and leaving?"

Something whirrs behind him, distracts him just enough for the cool, sharp kiss of metal at his throat.

"Do it," you taunt, expression unreadable, grip tight on the blade you hold to his neck. "You're not the first one to try, and you won't be the last."

And there, Cooper notes, are your fangs, ready to sink into his skin. The two of you stare at each other for a good, long minute while the Mister Handy spits and sputters. And then Cooper huffs something like a laugh. "Glad to see you've got some bite to you, darlin', but I still think I could handle you."

A threat and something a little less hostile all in one, even as you yank your arm out of his grasp. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with a fuckin' manual," you snap back, but there's a playful gleam to your eyes. "You gonna buy anything or just lookin' to be a pain in my ass?"

A crooked grin tugs at Cooper's mouth. "Both."

ㅡ

The truce between the two of you is tentative. An understanding in the barest sense, because neither of you are dumb enough to pass up a lucrative, beneficial deal. He gets his supplies, you get caps. Simple.

You won't go as far as to say you're even friends, up until the point that you greet him on a visit with, "You know, you remind me of somebody."

He eyes you. "Really now. And who would that be, sweetheart? You workin' with more ghouls than just me?"

You snort. "Careful," you tease, "you almost sound jealous." Your tone quiets as you drum your fingers on the counter. "Nah, you remind me of that one actor, Cooper Howard."

Cooper stills. Watches you warily, turning a spent bullet casing over and over between gloved fingers.

"He played a cowboy," you say, nodding to yourself. "Talked like you do, too. Good movies, at least the ones I've gotten my hands on." You eye him, playful light to your eyes. "Wouldn't happen to be a fan of him too, would you?"

Cooper debates. He's not sure if you've put the pieces together and if you have, you're polite enough not to say it. He appreciates that, makes that fleeting temptation of putting a bullet in your head all the more temporary. He likes you. Be a shame if he had to cut ties.

"No," he answers. "I can safely say he and I are nothin' alike." Not anymore. He lets himself lean over the counter, too close to your face. Intimidation, maybe, or perhaps just because he likes being able to look at you like this. "Got anythin' else to tell me?"

Your eyes flick over his face, down to his lips as you lean a little closer, the suggestion of your mouth just shy of his. "Yeah," you murmur, quiet. "Next time you come by, work on your fuckin' manners."

[thefoldedbird]

Mass Effect: Andromeda, Closure

So, it’s been close to four years since the release. Hate has died down considerably, bugs have been patched, faces reconstructed, and opinions reevaluated. On a note of personal opinion.

The combat was the most fleshed out part of this game. It felt good, it felt fluid, and it’s as flexible as it’s ever been. This is perfect for someone who wants to try a class outside their norm and not have long term consequences.

The crafting system. It’s everything I wanted. I missed the level of loot in ME1. Sure managing it sucked but MEA doesn’t have the same management problems. The crafting system this game is the best in the series. Fight me about it.

I didn’t use the multiplayer so I have no opinion.

The characters could have used more work. I am not particularly attached to any of them. Yes Jaal is a nice novelty and a female Turian is bringing some balance to the previously no-girls-allowed club the turian race seemed to be. But none of them are...impactful.

No joke, I was more invested in the small bit of backstory from Kandros. Having been the only one of his siblings to not take a crazy path in life, he came to Andromeda to spice his life and find adventure. I would have loved to hear about his crazy home life with his sisters, him battling with the disappointment from his parents over his leaving and being able to do nothing since they’re dead. Grappling emotionally over the idea that he came looking for his big adventure only to get shoved into a management position for his reliability. Having to shelve his plans and dreams to restore some semblance of militaristic order.

I’m just saying their was a lot of room for a Kandros romance and I’m shocked I didn’t get one seeing all the out of place ones. I didn’t get why Keri was a romance option...or Avela but I think she was meant to be the female Anagara option until they made Jaal bisexual.

That being said PeeBee comes off as someone who would be uninterested in romance as a whole. But you can still get with her.

The characters needed work. Except Kallo. He was perfect. Drack was fine, but they really should have done more with the romance between him and Lexi. He has enough charcteristics to be distinctive from Wrex. His age, being an amputee, being a father, his romance with Lexi. I think the “Wrex 2.0″ opinions stem a lot from their similar snarky demeanor. But that’s just how old Krogans who aren’t assholes are I guess.

It’s funny when you have him an Liam in the Nomad together. The juxtaposition alone is great. 

If there was one thing that made these characters tolerable it was the banter. Oh my god the banter. Everyone was always having a conversation. It’s great.  

Kesh was also pretty amazing as a character. I loved her. Good job being a parent Drack. Wished there was more of her as well.

Storyline kind of seems like reapers 2.0 but with a dash of Eugenics for spice. I am interested in the Jardaan however. That’s new and that’s cool. We haven’t had an alien race like this since the Leviathans right? With the level of technical advancement to create another species. Except the Jardaan went full organic. Like I know this is science fiction but do you know how hard it is to make a body?

That was not an invitation for sex jokes.

I’m not mad at the Kett storyline. It’s actually strikingly similar to the (Netflix) She-Ra storyline now that I’m thinking about it. It is very possibly that the Jaardan are still in the Heleus Cluster. It’s not like Heleus has Mass Effect Relays. The rest of the Kett horde and the Jardaan are probably closer to our cast than our cast is to the Milky Way.

There’s many unresolved storylines as well. The Quarian Ark, the Jardaan, the rest of the Kett, what are the Turians going to do without a homeworld?

In relation to that note. That GIANT ship on Elaaden. Whose crummy idea was it to only have us explore 2% of it? That could have been a WHOLE other thing.

Holy shit it would be downright unbeliveably cool if the ship could be stripped for materials to build structure on Elaaden. Think of how unique and imposing that would look? Sleek black metal against the sand dunes. 

Speaking of ships. Finding the other arks was some of the best stuff in the game. Don’t know why. But the ark missions were just *chef’s kiss* a thing of beauty.

Raeka and Avitus are premier pathfinders. I don’t even remember the Asari’s name though. That mission got pretty messy. Ethically and politically.  

The long and short of it is that I want closure. It would be very easy to write off our current crew members into doing other things. Drack being a grandpa, Gill settling down with Jill, PeeBee spearheading the research on Khi Tasira (The Remnant City). She’d make a great researcher. Like Mordin. Good at what she does but totally able to shoot you in the head if necessary. I’d like to see her take on a “mad scientist” role.

Cora could be spearheading the new age of biotics proposed as a way to interact with remnant. It’s mentioned in an email during the epilogue. Liam could be a part of a new crisis response center as the humans of the Hyperion set about trying to colonize Meridian. It’s new territory. Accidents on any scale are bound to happen.

There are other characters but my point is that a time skip and some new faces could fix a lot of the problems with Andromeda. Throw in the quarian ark, the Jardaan, the rest of the the Kett horde, some news about what happened to the old Milky Way, some new faces and fresh backstories to explore and I really think it could be legendary.

It’s not going to happen. The level of backlash was too severe and now it’s as good as gone...but it shouldn’t have been. There was and still is potential.

If the next mass effect game gives us information and ties to Andromeda I won’t be mad. At all. That world still has stories to tell and I think it deserves that chance.

[professorxwolf]

We Need to Talk | C&J

What: A quick Skype continuation of the thread where Ciaran finally tells Jason about Clay’s death.

When: About..three weeks ago?

Where: Dark Moon pub, after closing.

TW: Death mentions

@professor-shaw

Jason: Jason Shaw hadn’t eaten much of a meal tonight, too worried about whatever the wolf’s text was even about. It had come at an odd time and it lacked their usual banter, simply asking that he come before closing hours with no motive or reason whatsoever. So yeah, that was weird, but the human had driven over anyway, jumping out of the car in order to walk up inside.

At first, his eyes landed on the usual crowd, already starting to gather their stuff and emptying the remainder of their drink, but Ciaran caught his eye real soon, looming over the bar cleaning. Fuck. What the hell was going on? He’d never seen him look like that. Was it about Kai? Frowning lightly at the offer, he pulled back a stool and sat, running a hand down his face. “Eh..sure? What’s up, man? You okay?”

Ciaran: Was he okay? Wasn't that the million-dollar question. Ciaran had been asked that more times than he could count in the last few months, and wasn't sure if he had given an honest answer even once. Seems like tonight would be no different. A broad shoulder rose and fell in an almost helpless shrug, but nothing more than a muttered 'Aye' left the wolf's lips. Once the last straggler was finally out the door, he poured himself a whiskey, the forgoing of his beloved Guinness likely further hammering home how dire the situation was.

When Jace sat, he reached out and squeezed the male's shoulder, needed that contact. But then, never one to beat around the bush, it was all out after a long sip of his drink. "Clay's dead." He stated tonelessly, navy eyes unable to meet Shaw's. "The whole pack..they're all gone"

Jason: Call him whatever you like, but Jace didn't like the way Ciaran was looking at him..and that, that just wasn’t the norm around the werewolf. Not once. It was almost like the man wasn’t there, his squeeze so cold and distant that Shaw never noticed his choosing whiskey over guinness.. but then again, he wasn’t expecting the news either.

At first, Jason stared back at the other..squinting his eyes as though he let himself believe it --Clay. His..their Clay..gone.. but somehow it didn’t take, his lips parting with a chuckle instead."...right, and I’m next in line for the throne of England.” he managed, eyes seeking the others. “What are you on about, dude? How do you even know?”

Ciaran: Huh... Not the reaction he was expecting. Shock and disbelief, sure. But flat out thinking that he could even begin to joke about such a thing? That wasn't something Ciaran was prepared for. Though he couldn't blame the other in the slightest, as who would want to wrap their minds around such a tragedy? Unwilling to repeat himself though, he simply leveled Shaw with a look that should have told him everything.

"Qhuinn told me. She felt it before anyone got to tell her, think that I may have too a little. Or maybe it was just her pain, dunno. She's not in good shape mate, no matter what she might be tellin' ya and Quinten. She ain't in any good shape at all" Ciaran sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. "Kai and Lexi were the ones to find them. They were slaughtered Jason..the whole fuckin' pack"

Jason: Jace frowned at the next look to come from Ciaran --no, he scoffed, and flat out slapped the hand off his shoulder, leaning back against the stool as if..a sense of no gravity had suddenly swallowed him whole. "No..you're still.." he managed, chuckling still..only this time his laugh was a lot drier, more forced than anything else. You just didn't bring up Qhuinn around Jason and not expect get things through to him. Especially when it all made perfect sense. Yes..she had been acting strange for the past few weeks. And yes, it'd raised the alarms with Quinten. So what if what Ciaran was saying here was really real?

Swallowing, Jace brought his fingers to his face and skimmed it down his face too.. "W-wait, Lexi knows too..? Kai? S'that why he left..?" Baiting a much needed inhale, it seemed like the human finally cracked, eyes getting all glassy all of a sudden. Inside of him, though, he could feel a very different kind of emotion growing. He was angry.. fuck if he was.."..when, Ciaran? When did this whole thing happen?"

Ciaran: The slap had his wolf, always boiling so close to the surface these days, coming to life. He was able to easily push back the instinct to snap back, both literally and figuratively. This was Shaw, his mate. One of the damn best ones that he had. And he never meant him any harm. So Ciaran polished off his whiskey in one smooth swallow as the other seemed to take everything in, there with a refill for them both when the truth hit Jason. "I'm so sorry mate.." He started, lips soon pressing together when the inevitable questions came.

"No, I think they had just gone for a visit. Kai..wasn't exactly a well of information. Left without a fuckin' word, if I'm bein' honest here." But that was neither here nor there, as his mission right now was to help Jason through this. When those startling emerald eyes showed the sheen of tears, Ciaran reached out again. "Not long ago. A week? Maybe two. Don't..be mad at them. Be mad at me, for not steppin' up sooner"

Jason: He shouldn't have been so brusque. And yes, he should have probably never laughed when Ciaran had done the one thing nobody else had had the balls to do...but his instincts had got him beat. Even more so now, as he wiped the tears off his face..refusing to be touched by anyone or anything as he swallowed down the missing bits of information that pieced the puzzle together.. incapable of uttering a single word that was close to intelligible. He didn't know what to say, not about Kai, not about how much Ciaran didn't deserve any of that..or this --no, Jace just turned a looked to the side becoming angered suddenly when the wolf mentioned how long it'd been. "Don't touch me, please. I can't do this."

Balling one of his hands into a fist, Jace reached for the booze, frowning something bad. Yes, he was mad at the two women..but he wouldn't bother arguing with Ciaran now.. "..do we know who did this..? Was it..hunters, maybe? When are we going to get them back for it?"

Ciaran: Ciaran dropped his hand at Jason's request, holding his arms up in a gesture of surrender as he took a step back and gave the other male his space. Even though all he wanted to do was grab him and hold on as they both mourned, seeking the comfort that deep down he felt he'd been denied. Or rather, that he hadn't opened himself up for. "Sorry.." The wolf muttered, downing another glass full. At this rate they were both going to be crashing in his office, but he had a feeling Shaw gave about as few fucks about that as he did.

"Don't be mad" Ciaran repeated. "Think of what they've been through. Lexi, havin't to find him that way. And Qhuinn, losin' him and her whole goddamn family. They couldn't do it..so I did. Don't channel the anger that ya feel at them" It wasn't so much advice as it was a command. He loved Jason like his own, but if he found out that a single harsh word had been said to either of those poor girls...

"Aye, hunters. And Kai found 'em. That's what he was doin' all this fuckin' time" Without access to a phone apparently, but that was neither here nor there. "Killed 'em. But it came with..consequences.."

Jason: As terrible as he knew he would be feeling much later, Jason still did not make a single move towards the other. He was scared he would break down..and let himself feel more than he could possibly handle now..or ever..no matter how difficult to believe things were. He needed /his/ time-- the time that he hadn't had those two weeks, while he was leading his life as normal..completely ignorant of everything. Again. "I can't help it, man...they kept it from me." the human shook his head, swallowing harshly. Ciaran was right.. fuck if he was, but he wasn't being rational right now..

It was a relief, however small, that the hunters had been dealt with..and so he nodded, rubbing at his face again before emptying the glass of liquor in front of him..then pushing it over for a refill. "For what's worth..I'm sorry. Same about Kai....is he okay?"

Ciaran: Ciaran's lips tightened into a thin line. Jason was the furthest thing from cruel, so he knew that he really had no reason to worry. But grief had a way of making people say shit that they didn't mean. "Not on purpose mate.. They ain't stoppin' and sayin' 'hey let's keep this from Jace because the bastard don't deserve to know'. Aye? They didn't tell ya because they couldn't. Because their grief is too strong for them to bear right now. Is it wrong? Is it right? Who the fuck knows. But it's what they needed in the moment. And I know they feel shit enough about it too so they don't need ya makin' it worse. Ya got every right to be hurt my brother, I ain't sayin' that ya don't. I'm just sayin' to not take it out on them" Ciaran of course couldn't speak for Lexi, but if she looked like as much of a ghost of herself as Qhuinn did, then there was no doubt she carried just as much guilt.

The wolf crossed his arms over a frame that had gotten a bit leaner over the last month or so, tucking in his hands so that he didn't reach for Shaw again. "Cheers. I am too love, ya lot knew him a fuck of a lot longer than I did. But he showed me nothing but kindness at a time when I needed it, and for that I will always hold him in high regard" Ciaran replied softly. At the question about Kai, all he could do was shake his head. "No.. I mean, physically he's fine. But he's..different. Everythin' about him is different"

Jason: The human let out a low groan and rolled his eyes, not taking well to being lectured about the right way to feel right now. About what he should or shouldn't do..how wrong it would be to be upset at Qhuinn or Lexi.. But yes, he listened, grinding his teeth and staring at the Irish man from across the table with the same glassy eyes from before..only darker, his body tense as he squeezed his fingers around the glass in front of him. Damn Ciaran for having a point.. "..I know..I know that they would have told me if this wasn't bigger than them. I know that. That they did none of this on purpose. But it still hurts..." he choked, angrier..even more upset, if possible. "..t-that I was the last to know..Qhuinn tells me everything../everything/, hard or not...and I thought, I don't know..at the very least I deserved to know. Tell me, if you hadn't stepped up..would I?..or would I have kept goin' about my life not knowin' my friend was dead like I have for TWO weeks? I mean, way to honor his fuckin' memory, mate."

Shaw brought the whiskey glass to his lips again and dampened his lips before taking another long sip, clearing his throat as he let his thoughts visit the memories he had with and about Clay. "..we hadn't spoken that much this past year ..we'd grown apart a bit.. and I was plannin' on fixin' that, guess I never will now." he said, smiling weakly at what Ciaran said about the alpha. Kai, however, erased that soon. "..different meaning..you guys aren't okay anymore? ..you still love eachother..right?"

Ciaran: Ciaran frowned slightly at Jason's reactions. But, in all fairness, he supposed he had gone all dad on the bloke. But he just hated the idea of more strain being put on those women. They both looked as if they could crack any day as it was, something that he could relate all too well to. But that didn't mean that he couldn't see his friend's point as well. "I know darlin'" He muttered, the little term of endearment slipping easily past his lips. "And again I ain't sayin' that ya don't have every right to be upset, because ya do. Just..try and help each other, aye? Take that grief, all that anger..and try and turn it into love. Clay wouldn't have wanted any of us to do anythin' else." He pointed out, then had the grace to flush as Shaw continued. "I'm sorry that I took so long to tell ya. That's all on me and I accept full responsibility. But I promise..ya would have been told. Likely still by me. But if not, by someone" He assured him, as empty as those words seemed to even his own ears.

"Aye...same. I know that Qhuinn had planned on goin' sometime over the summer and I was gonna join her. He knew that we loved him though. Ya gotta believe that Jason. He knew how loved he was. He had to, with so much love around him" Ciaran gave the other a tight smile, those shoulders lifting and falling once again. "If I'm bein' honest..I dunno. He ain't himself, though he insists that he is. Just a better version of himself. He made.." The wolf paused, once again trying to make sense of what had happened to Kai. "Some kind of pact. With a goddess, if ya can believe that. She helped him find the hunters, but it came with a price. He belongs to her now, or some shit like that. I swear to fuck Jace..I'm a werewolf and I didn't even believe that somethin' like that could even happen. Fuckin' daft of me, ain't it.."

Jason: "..tell me, do you ever get tired of doin' the right thing?" Jason blurted out, mostly still out of anger..which likely bubbled under the surface. It was an ongoing problem with him..and more often than not, it ate him up..especially in moments like this. That, is exactly why he took the other's lecture the way he did, running his fingers across his hair and covering his face with the same hand for a few seconds at the end, defeated at last. "..I'll try my best to do that..just promise me you won't pull the 'what clay would've wanted' card again--please?..not this soon.." A lot felt like too soon right now. Everything did. Licking the taste of liquor off his lip, Shaw looked up as the werewolf seemed to take responsibility for the late news, reaching out to give the other man's wrist a gentle squeeze..at damn last. "..it was never you job to do this..but thanks for bitin' the bullet. I...don't know what to say anymore.." Did he believe he would've been told? Not right now, no.. but Jace was done arguing.

Nodding yet again..but this time at the mention of plans to visit Vancouver, the human bit back the tears again and chose to focus on the Kai subject instead, saddened to hear that Ciaran was having relationship trouble on top of all this...on top of having to tell him.. "..well, if you ever need to crash somewhere else for a bit of space, time..anythin'...you know my place is yours." he shrugged, "But you ought to listen to him too, even if his leavin' was..wrong and unfair, by all means. See if you can love this new version of him.."

Ciaran: Ciaran couldn't help but bark a dark, humorless laugh at that little comment. Jason had been there through nearly everything he'd done and been through in the last two years, so it truly amused the wolf that he could still ask that. Even in the angrily joking manner that it was clearly meant. "Really? Ya should know the answer to that as well as I do. I've made my share of mistakes..real shit ones too. And ya can chalk this up as one of them" He relented, a long sigh deflating his lean form as well. "Sorry love, ya right. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just..tryin'. Ya know? That's all I feel like I ever fuckin' do, is try." The Irishman smiled tightly at the touch to his wrist, absorbing the simply human contact as he briefly covered Jace's fingers with his own before giving the other his space again. "I know..neither do it. What can we say, ya know?"

Another tight smile curved the man's lips, as he was now on the receiving end of a lecture. "I did, I have. And I get why he stayed away for so long. I would have done the same. I have done the same. But it don't change the fact that he left with no word, and stayed away for that long without lettin' us know if he was still even fuckin' alive. Not just me, but Kyle. The one that he made a promise to protect. I look at him now and I just see..nothin' Jace. No love. No emotion. No passion. He's like a robot now. I feel like.." Ciaran shook his head, swallowing hard. "I feel like I lost him too"

Jason: Jason looked up at the sound of that humorless laugh and felt himself lean back gently, mostly coming to terms with the countless times he had been the one to do what he was accusing the wolf of doing. Wanting to be surprised he realized, but still struggling to be.. "..well, for what is worth, you've kept me from makin' one." he said, clearly hinting at his earlier intentions of confronting the two women about his not knowing when they were not doing so hot themselves. It would have been selfish..and chances are he would have regretted it deeply. "..it's fine. I'm not really seein' things for what they are right now..m'too upset.." Jace offered, letting go off a wavering sigh at the contact as well, brief as that was, and reached out for the bottle to pour them both a refill, assuming they would be needing more than just a few socially acceptable drinks that evening.

Loosing Clay was not something he had ever thought possible and it was still hard to accept, as it would be for some time. "Y'know, I always thought I'd be the first to go.." He said, sucking in a soft inhale before their topic shifted to Kai again, his body tilting forward to hear all his friend had to say. "..yeah, no..you're right on that one. He could have at least left you a note telling you not to worry or where he was headed...as useless as that would've been. Maybe it would've been a comfort.." Shaw frowned,  falling quiet, or quieter anyway..the second the irishman mentioned something about feeling like he had lost him too.. "Fuck, I'm sorry, man...have you tried talking to Lexi or somethin'? Those two seem close..and maybe..I don't know, she might give you an insight, help you deal with this..but how you feel.." he started, reaching out for that touch again, "It ain't wrong..okay? Kai's got to see that too. It's you two against the problem."

Ciaran: "Aye..cheers for that. I'll consider it my good dead for the day" Ciaran joked weakly. Though really, if he did one good thing that day, that week, he would consider it a fucking success. "I still believe that we gotta get each other through this though. We're still a family" He pointed out lowly, dark head nodding at the others words. "Fuck, I don't even know if I'm seein' things clear yet. It's gonna take a while, it's just..too big of a loss to absorb all at once. We're all gonna mourn and deal with it in our own way, ya know?" The wolf let out a long sigh as well, accepting the refill with a small nod.

"Huh..me too. And not just because I'm older. He just seemed..immortal almost. Like nothin' could touch him" Ciaran agreed, downing his drink in one shot and absently reaching for the bottle. He did smile a bit, a genuine one, at Shaw's reassurance. It was nice to hear that he wasn't being an unreasonable git about the whole thing. Communication was important in any relationship, and in his mind, Kai had flushed it all right down the shitter. "Fuckin' would have been, instead of spendin' the last month tryin' to convince myself and Kyle that he was okay and comin' back. Bloody dragon is a trooper though. I wouldn't have gotten through it all without him" Ciaran admitted, then shook his head. "Nah..don't wanna bother her with my shit. If Kai has somethin' to say, somethin' he needs from me, he needs to be the one to tell me, ya know? That's the only way we can move forward" He reasoned, then gave another tight smile. "Thanks..really. I feel like I'm bein'..a real asshole about this. Like I'm the one in the wrong again. But I didn't do anythin' this time, for fuck's sake. I'm so bloody tired of bein' made to feel that way"

Jason: Jason smiled back at the werewolf just as weakly, glad that at least he could bring the tinniest bit of relief to them both. "..yeah, that's what I had hoped, but apparently they need their time. Maybe I just got scared they just didn't need me anymore..or that I was too human..again, you know?" he huffed, "I can't believe how selfish I sound..makin' it all about m'self." Shaw nodded through the rest of the other's words, and caught himself almost not wanting to leave here..dreading having to mourn Clay on his own..as well as telling everyone why he suddenly wasn't up for certain things. Like Celine's party.

"..yeah, you're old as dirt, man. You sure you don't dye your beard already?" Jace frowned, trying to look and sound serious but ultimately breaking into an awkward laugh, not sure his joke landed the way he saw it in his head. "I mean...how old are you again?" Taking a lengthy swing of his glass, he let the talk..happy to switch topics back to the new issue concerning Ciaran, eyes scanning his face when he spoke about some Kyle and what role he had in their relationship. Not that he was opposed to it, but they'd barely touched on it before. "..yeah, but I feel like sometimes we are too scared to reach out too, you know? Be it because you've built these theories in your head that it wouldn't be well received..or fuck knows..I just hope y'all can fix it.. " he shook his head, "You care..and there's nothin' wrong with that...take it easy..do what you feel is right."

Ciaran: "Ah love, ya don't sound selfish at all. Ya sound like what ya are: a fuckin' stand-up guy that anyone would be lucky to have for a friend. I can't speak for Lexi, but I'm sure that she needs ya just as much as Qhuinn does. Give 'em their time, they'll come around. Though.." Ciaran paused, raking a hand through his dark hair. "May not be my place but..fuck it. It is. Like I said, we're all family. I'm worried about the girl. I ain't seen her cry, or mourn in any way. Ain't natural Jace. At all. Ya keep an eye on her, yeah? Ya and Quinten have the best chance of gettin' through to her"

His peace said, Ciaran continued to finish cleaning, noting the late hour. He should get home, though he wasn't entirely sure if Kai worried anymore. But, he also kind of had a feeling that Shaw wanted to be alone to start absorbing everything. "Fuck..ya found out my secret. Better be as loyal as we all think ya are and not tell anyone" He actually laughed, running a hand along his dark stubble. "Last I checked..one hundred and seventy-seven. I really am an old fuck, but believe it or not there are those who are older" Ciaran chuckled again, then went silent as he took Jason's words to heart, as always. Do what you feel is right... Did he even know what that was anymore? "Aye..aye, ya right. I just need to figure out what that is. Easy peasy, right?" Ciaran smirked, shaking his head as his eyes fell on the antique clock. Fuck..was it really almost three in the morning? "Shit..time flies don't it? We should both get a move on, yeah? No need to fuel the rumor mill if someone catches us crashin' in my office together" He teased, eyes full of gratitude and fondness as he smiled lightly at Jason. "We'll talk again soon. Ya take the time that ya need" Ciaran vowed, as they made their moves to part for the night.

[lexiseigneur]

Chapter twenty-nine: An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, ...

The anesthetic did not last long enough but the doctors refused to inject her with more, unsure how her physiology would react. So every time they came to flush her eyes with saline, Quinlan would hold her as she screamed herself raw. In between treatments, he murmured in her mind to lull her to sleep.

Quinlan was exhausted. His muscles were weak as though he had been injured himself. Maria entered the bedroom quietly, noticed Lexi finally sleeping and gestured at Quinlan to follow him outside.

As Lexi slept, her head full of nightmares, Quinlan reluctantly stepped out of her room. On each side of the door, Sun Hunters stood watch, including Eva who was biting her nails until none of their white edges were left. No one had asked them to come but still, there they were. Quinlan was thankful.

“The burns on her skin and in her eyes were treated quickly enough that we might avoid long-term damage. I would normally wait an entire day before making a final assessment but it seems her condition has already stabilized. Unfortunately, the trauma has clouded the vitreous humor inside her right eye.”

Quinlan’s hands closed in tight fists. The pain had gone, and there was still grief weighing in his chest but now his body tensed with rising anger.

“We will have to remove that vitreous humor in order to preserve her eyesight on that side. The surgery can be done with general anesthesia or local…”

“General anesthesia,” said Quinlan. “Make her sleep. She doesn’t need to suffer through that as well.”

“Yes…I also thought it would be for the best. We can proceed right away and within two hours, she will be back with you.”

“Yes, there is no point in waiting. Thank you doctor.”

Maria nodded gravely.

“Laura called and she wanted you to know that Emma is fine, just a little shaken. She is asking after you guys. Maybe you can call her when you have a little time?”

“I will.”

But not right now, because his day was far from over. When the doctor walked away, he stared at the Sun Hunters. They stood alert then followed him to the nearest staircase, away from prying eyes and eavesdropping ears.

“Where is the man who did this?” asked Quinlan.

“We don’t know…in the panic he slipped away but…” said Eva.

She pulled a plastic bag from her pocket.

“I saw him drop this.”

It was a baseball cap sealed in clear plastic. He looked at the woman and the two men accompanying her whose names he now recalled were Trevor and Ash. The three of them were from Lexi’s team.

“This...” – he made a gesture encompassing all of them – “never happened.”

He put the bag in his pocket.

“We came here to keep an eye on our buddies, nothing else. Also, I will be staying here with you in this deserted staircase the entire duration of Lexi’s surgery,” said Eva.

She leaned against the wall and thrust her chin toward the descending stairs. Quinlan ran down with Ash and Trevor on his heels. Out of the building and onto the dark streets they drove away. Quinlan would have preferred being alone but the canals prevented him from moving unassisted. The city was empty. Either the curfew was still in place after the attack or it was too dark for people to get over their fears of the night.

They returned to the courthouse with its metal barricades still present. The wide stone stairs were covered in various garbage, mostly discarded cardboard signs. Quinlan opened the plastic bag and inhaled deeply. The man’s scent was pungent and disagreeable. That person drank and smoked and spent a significant part of his day around car oils and fuel. Quinlan closed the bag and lifted his face to the night air. It took him a long time to disentangle the myriad of scents lingering. The hardest was ignoring Lexi’s. With a sharp twitch of his head, he located the smell he had been looking for. Quinlan indicated the way and those were the only words spoken. His anger grew with the strength of the trail. It led to a building in Hell’s Kitchen. The entire ground level was a mechanic’s shop and above an occupied flat. The windows glowed with flashing lights and shifting colors. Their motions were accompanied by the noises of a television. The smell came from that flat and inside, there was a single heartbeat and the snoring of a large man. Quinlan exited the car and closed the door softly.

“Pick me up in one hour,” he said.

The men drove away without any sign of acknowledgment but Quinlan knew they would be back exactly one hour from now.

In the cluttered flat he found a table displaying the proof of this man’s guilt. There was silver filed into a fine powder and more explosives. Enough raw materials to create a dozen more grenades. Had the man planned more attacks? On the walls were pictures of a smiling woman as well as two young children. But in the various rooms, there was no sign of this woman or of those children. This was a common occurrence. Broken families were the norm now.

This place did not provide the privacy Quinlan craved so he strolled to the sleeping man and hugged his neck. He awoke from his drunken stupor and his struggle was nothing. Utterly pointless. The Dhampir knew exactly how much pressure to apply and for how long. It was trivial when he could rely on the music of the man’s heartbeats as a guide. He hoisted the man on his shoulder and carried him inside the bowels of the city. He knew them well by now.

In those deserted tunnels, the man would not die quickly. He wanted to hate them so Quinlan was happy to offer him a reason to justify his hatred.

For so long his fury had been focused on the Master, it was almost liberating to be about to unleash it against a more accessible target. He never had a reason to resent a human being as he did at this moment. Past his initial anger directed at Hinata, his desire to kill her had been mostly pragmatic. There were also logical reason why this man should die, but right now only rage moved him.

The man was still unconscious, his mouth hanging open and filling the air with the stench of alcohol.

Quinlan thought about what he would do to him. His mind swirled with images of violence and gore. He wanted to do those things, those unspeakable acts, so very badly. Then he paused because he thought about Lexi. When he conjured her face, she was always smiling. But not this time. This time her eyes were judging him, her skin a human pink and her hair dark. You don’t have to be kind, but you do not need to be cruel.

Could he be cruel in her name? To avenge her pain? Of course not. She would want that man to be trialed and sentenced. To face the music, but a lawful music. Quinlan made a decision and took two steps away.

The man moved, regaining his bearings. It was dark and he reached around him, unseeing. He found a wall and tried to stand. Quinlan tried to take another step away, but could not. The rage was back. It made the edges of his vision blurry and grey with the stinking man as the sole focal point,.

“Why?” asked Quinlan.

The man put his back against the wall and flailed his fists around as though this could stop Quinlan.

“Who is here? Where am I?” he screamed.

“The grenade? Why did you do it?”

Quinlan knew why: prejudice, hatred, fear. But he wanted the man to say it.

“Fuck you! I know my rights, I ain’t telling you shit.”

“So be it.”

Quinlan flipped the switch on his right and the tunnel flooded with dim yellow light.

“You!” said the man and he made himself flat against the wall.

Me, thought Quinlan. The demon you should have targeted. Not the sweet soul you maimed, the sweet one who defended you and other wretched humans. The one you never deserved. But me, oh me, you deserve aplenty.

The claws of his stinger clashed together like knives.

“You are a lucky man. Because of the very person you almost took from me, I will not inflict upon you the suffering you deserve.”

The man’s eyes rolled madly, encompassing Quinlan and his surrounding desperately.

“You’re letting me go?” he asked, incredulous.

Quinlan laughed, very loudly and very long. Even to himself, he sounded unhinged.

“No…you are not going anywhere. I was merely stating that you will not suffer as much as I wish before you die.”

He stepped toward the man who slid down against the wall, as though trying to disappear inside of it.

“No, no, no, no! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” screamed the man, his fear increasing with each step Quinlan took.

“No...I don’t believe you truly are,” said Quinlan.

The Dhampir crouched in front of the man and cupped his face in his gloved hands. Then almost lovingly, he pressed his cheek against the human’s and whispered in his ear.

“But you will be.”

***

Back at the hospital, Quinlan ran up the stairs where Eva still waited. When he appeared, she looked at her watch and stretched.

“Welp, I’m glad we had this chat,” she said then returned to the corridor.

Gus and Raul arrived shortly after and soon, the waiting room was filled with men and women, each sporting the small tattoo of a sun on their throats.

Quinlan had had his revenge and the rage had gone. But this time he was not at peace or calm as he had been after killing the Master. Lexi’s pain would not be lessened by his actions. Not caring about the Sun Hunter watching, he took his face in his hands.

***

Quinlan showered in the doctor’s locker room and stole scrubs before shoving his blood tainted clothes in the beat-up washing machine standing in a corner. He used disinfectant on his boots, gloves, and coat whose scent would be strong enough to mask the smell of blood. Then as the machine started its drying cycle, he joined Lexi who was just waking up. Drowsy and confused, she reached for the bandages around her head and pulled on them. Quinlan gently stopped her.

“Not yet. It went well and the doctors think you will recover.”

“I want to leave.”

“As soon as we can…your team is here, do…”

“No.”

There was no reason to insist. She was free to refuse visits.

“Can you come into bed with me?” she asked and lifted the blanket.

Quinlan removed his shoes and slipped under the cover with her.

“Your clothes feel wrong,” she said as she lied on top of his chest.

She always put her ear on top of his heart and he would stroke her hair until one of them fell asleep.

“They are not mine, I stole those.”

She was slipping back into unconsciousness and he stroked her shoulder to keep her awake. When someone knocked at the door she growled. Quinlan got out of the bed and she growled louder and grabbed his hand. He held onto it but still stood to receive the visitor.

“Come in,” he said.

Costello entered and Quinlan was taken aback as he had expected the doctor.

“What do you want?” asked Lexi after sniffing the air.

“The president called me this morning.”

“Why should we care?” snarled Lexi as she turned her back on Costello.

“The president has seen what happened and wants to express his deepest sorrow.”

Lexi sighed and Quinlan was certain that if she would have been capable, she would have rolled her eyes.

“You can be sure that the person who did this will be found and severely punished,” said Costello

Quinlan remained stoic but the beatings of his heart increased a little. He would tell her. He had to tell her. But not now, not as she recovered from her still raw wounds.

“The same way you found those who disfigured three collaborators a few months back? I’m not holding my breath,” said Lexi.

“The police force is still stretched very thin but we will do our best, for both cases. The president also wanted to revisit the conditions he imposed on you regarding Greystone. I think you should hear what he has to say. I can dial right now.”

Why? Quinlan quickly examined all the players involved and how their state of mind would change following this incident. Television teams had been recording for the benefit of the entire world. He thought about the optics that the very scene would create. The Dhampir had not fled the danger. Quinlan had shielded a small, adorable child from the blast and Lexi had been hurt protecting everyone else. After such an event, it would not be unreasonable to assume that Quinlan and Lexi would want to distance themselves from New York. And others who might have decided they were useful monsters to have around would want to take advantage of that fact.

“Is the president afraid we might decide to leave? To try our fortune somewhere else where we would be granted more respect and freedom?”

To his surprise, Costello appeared amused. He thought back to her words the day they had accepted to live in Greystone.

“Could it be that other countries suddenly find themselves welcoming?”

Now she outright laughed but without any trace of joy.

“I told him you’d figure it out right away. He still wanted me to present it like this,” said Costello.

Quinlan was about to answer but Lexi interrupted him.

“I don’t want to hear any more of this.”

“As you wish.”

“Please thank the president for his well-wishes but tell him we are tired and just want to be left in peace. Goodbye.”

Costello shrugged, left a card with a hand-written phone number then left.

***

A bandage still covered Lexi’s eyes when they drove back to Greystone. Maria had given Quinlan a list of instructions for her medical care at home. Since their departure, her silence built a sort of pressure. Quinlan was unsure what it would lead to. She startled when her phone vibrated in her pocket, her heart exploding into a frantic gallop. Lexi put a palm on her chest and breathed deeply. Quinlan glanced at the screen when she took the phone out. There were many texts from names he recognized as Lexi’s team. He was about to propose reading them for her but before he could, she crumpled the small device in her fist and threw the pieces at her feet. Part of Quinlan was tempted to reach through the Bond and probe at her feelings. But if she wanted to share them, she would have done so already.

Two days later, she almost yelped when the landline rang in the living room. She had not spoken since their return, preferring instead to sit in the garden and listen to the forest awakening from a cold winter. Quinlan had called Laura and Emma, as well as Gus so that he may relay to the rest of the Sun Hunters that Lexi was healing but would prefer privacy to do so. Lexi had given no sign that she had listened to those conversations.

With her hands touching every surface ahead, she located the phone. It was situated near the kitchen. Quinlan was much farther away than she was, standing by the stairs that he had just climbed down.

“Are you going to answer that?”

Quinlan knew she would not and did not move when Lexi tore the phone off the wall and reduced it to a mess of plastic and wire. He remained just as immobile when her rage, as blind as she was, pushed her to destroy everything she could reach. The dining table flew and smashed into the library in an explosion of books and loose pages. Then she projected the couch, coffee table, and armchairs against the walls. The plaster covering them cracked into large pieces which came loose and fell into the floor in a cloud of white dust.

She had not made a sound and her thoughts were sealed shut. Out-of-breath, she dropped to her knees and her shoulders rose with each deep inhalation. Her cheeks were flushed white and her fist clenched. Lexi’s mien screamed anger, so he let her be.

Quinlan had no intention of attempting to calm her unless she was amenable to it. He gathered the remains of the coffee table and threw them in the hearth then started a fire. The flames grew and the heaves of Lexi’s chest quieted down. Both the scent and soft cracking of burning wood filled the silence.

“You made a fire? Are you cold?”

Quinlan kicked at the debris from the cabinet where he knew he would find a particular book. The cover, thick leather, had held though a few pages were torn. He threw a blanket on the carpet in front of the fire and sat.

“Join me,” he asked.

She did, tripping over the results of her thrashing. When her hand found his shoulder, he guided her so she could sit between his legs, with her back against his chest. He opened the volume and searched for the second chapter.

“When you get up in the morning start by saying to yourself: Today, I will deal with people who are meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are this way because they cannot distinguish good from evil.”

She startled at the first words because he spoke them lowly in his deep rumbling voice. Goosebumps rose where his warm breath touched her skin.

“But I have seen the beauty of goodness and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoers have a nature related to my own…

“Not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can put ugliness on me.

“Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate them. Because we are born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To be vexed and to turn away: those are obstructions.”

Lexi relaxed and leaned her head back on his shoulder. He deposited a gentle kiss on her temple, just above the bandage covering her eyes. Then he flipped the pages to the sixth chapter, found the sentence he had been looking for and almost did not read it because it would make him a hypocrite. But there was strength in those words that she would relate to better than he could. He spoke them despite his guilt.

“The best revenge is not to become like the wrongdoer.”

Her lips parted and he gave her time to mule over the meaning of this sentence.

“What are you reading?”

“The thoughts of a better man than I will ever be. A great emperor who came into power around the time of my 120th birthday. And a dear friend. Would you like me to stop?”

“No, please go on…as you were, out loud.”

He flipped to the first page and read from the start. It was a translation from Greek and he found some formulations lacking, so he improvised at times when the words diverged too much from what he remembered of their meaning. By the end of the first chapter, they both purred. When a particular sentence or paragraph made her react, he would pause and give her time to appreciate them. At the end of the eleventh chapter, she fell asleep but he read on so that the words, spoken softly, might soothe her dreams.

***

The living room stayed empty for three days until Quinlan finished building a table and took mismatched chairs from the empty bedrooms. Until then they would eat by the hearth on the blanket. There, Quinlan would also read and Lexi would listen. She was still quiet but more thoughtful than angry which he saw as progress in her healing. When he did not read, he still told her stories. He had enough tales in his soul to fill a library and as he slowly repaired the living room, he would tell her about his past and all the wonderful ages and places he had witnessed.

He had already ordered a new phone for her but since she never asked for it, he left in the closet of their bedroom.

Without bothering her about it and with the help of the French prosecutor, Durand, he contacted lawyers in Europe to take possession of several properties he owned. Most had been ceased by their respective states who assumed their owners had perished during the Fall. Thankfully, they had not been so quick when it came to his personal accounts in Swiss banks. Those contained the deeds of his properties as well as comfortable amounts of precious metals, and currency. Thanks to intermediaries hired by Durand, he soon received confirmation that two of his houses in Italy and one in London were mostly intact.

“That’s excellent news, I am very thankful for your aid.”

“It was a pleasure, Mister Quinlan. How is Lexi?” said Durand.

“She is…better.”

“Huh huh…Do tell her thank you on my part. I got a call today of the Minister of Defense. He wanted your contact info but I was quite uncomfortable sharing them without your express approval.”

“I guess the outbreak in Marseille last week prompted her to reach out?”

“Yes…It was a real tragedy. They are desperate.”

“At the moment, Augustin manages those types of inquiries. He already worked similarly at the scale of cities, it wouldn’t be that much different to train a team for the French government.”

“Well, they really wanted you guys but I will pass on the advice.”

“Until Lexi is fully healed, we will not take any such engagements.”

“Yes, of course, I understand.”

***

Several days after the offer by the French government, it was time to remove Lexi’s bandages once and for all. Once her face became bare, she rubbed it.

“It’s good to be free of this thing,” she said.

Her eyes were still shut.

“Do you want to try to look around?”

She caressed her eyelids carefully, with just the tip of her fingers. There was no swelling left and just the faintest irritation running down the stripes on her temples. Where the water and silver had run down as the doctors flushed her eyes.

“What if I still can’t see?”

“Then I will see for you.”

He tipped the image of the living room in the Bond.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.”

Her pupils moved behind stubbornly closed lids. He pushed her hair behind her ears and caressed her cheeks.

“Beloved, open your eyes.”

She held onto his fingers then blinked very slowly. The hazel eyes focused on him. Her pupils were dilated and as they adapted, the left one contracted but the right one stayed open, giving the impression it was now a darker color. Lexi put a hand over each side of her face in turn then her gaze veered down. She was crestfallen.

“The left one is fine but on the right…it’s dim. Like I’m watching you between the threads of a dark cloth.”

Quinlan forced an encouraging smile on his lips. She did not need his disappointment adding to her own.

“Look at me, Lexi. You might still need time to heal.”

She nodded and he knew she could not agree with words because they would be untrue. That night they sat in front of the cold hearth and having postponed this conversation far too long, he asked her what she desired for their future. They had funds and properties to reclaim. It also seemed her native country was amenable to welcoming them.

“I’m not sure. Even if we do go there or to Italy, or to England, we��ll always have the same problem.”

“Blood,” he said.

“I don’t think we will gain true freedom until we fix that issue. I don’t even know that we can fix it at all.”

“Before the Fall, one could buy blood on the black market. Unfortunately, the contacts I had in Europe are long dead. Acquiring it by any other means than donation would grant us the status of pest to be exterminated along with the Strigoi. In time, black markets will arise again and when that happens, we might rely on them as I did in the past.”

“Yes…I guess you’re right.”

Then she observed him and as she did he too was getting accustomed to her now mismatched pupils. She could see again and it was all that mattered. He considered telling her now. What he had done to that man. This was what he had promised himself he would do. But then, he had counted on her regaining all of her sight. So he told himself that he would reveal that secret either when she had completely healed, or when she had finished grieved for that loss.

“You would be entitled to say ‘I told you so’,” Lexi said.

He had been lost in his own thoughts and it took a few seconds to understand what she was referring to. Lexi was talking about his warning against meddling in human affairs.

“Why would I do such a thing?”

“Because you were right. You were right about a lot of things and I get it now.”

“I get no satisfaction from this.”

“I know you don’t. I just want you to remind me of this in the future if I disregard your warnings again.”

Quinlan doubted he would ever abide by that request. He was certain she would regret not doing the right thing more than being punished for it. Lexi picked up the only book resting on the mantelpiece then sat between his legs and against his chest. Finally able to see them, she traced the golden letters of the title and author’s name, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

“Can you read it again?” she asked.

Then she smiled and he knew she would be alright. He pulled her tighter against his chest then opened the book. Together, they would be alright.

 ***

They did not avoid sunlight that day once it arose. With her sunglasses, she peered outside from the window-doors. Birds were coming back from their winter retreats and she had enticed them with seeds. When she began purring softly, sitting crossed legged on the wooden floor; he took a book along and joined her. He was reading A Tale of Two Cities again.

She was growing sleepy and he wanted to propose going to bed when she sat straighter. Lexi jumped to her feet, crossed the room and as she did, bumped into the table with her right hip. She swore.

“You will need a little time to get used your limited field of vision. I’ve known plenty of warriors who learned to manage.”

Lexi appeared too focused to reply. She dug through drawers whose contents were still unknown to her.

“Quinlan, do you know where my laptop is?”

“In the bedroom closet.”

“Thank you!”

She tossed her sunglasses on the couch then ran upstairs. Quinlan was quite satisfied to see her use her Dhampir speed once more though she tripped and growled as she reached the first floor. When she came back and began working on her computer with intense concentration, he observed carefully. He did not want to give her any indication that he was hopeful, or even that he had noticed what she was doing. It might make her stop somehow.

Days later, the dinner table was covered with printed pages. Many of the words on those sheets had Latin or Greek origins and from their amalgam, Quinlan concluded that she was researching how to grow blood outside of a human body. It seemed like an impossible task but Quinlan had to remind himself that there was a time in his life he would have laughed at the idea of soaring through the skies like a bird. Completely engrossed in her research, she sometimes needed reminders to eat and sleep.

“Quinlan! Come see this.”

Abandoning the library he was building in the garage, he wiped his hands to remove the wood dust then joined her in the living room. She showed him an internet page which listed a series of names and their accompanying pictures.

“What is this?”

“I wanted to see if the researchers whose work I was reading were still alive and…Joseph Alaster, the Librarian, made this. It’s a list of scientists, politicians, and others. You can check if they are still alive and if they can continue their work. It’s brilliant really…a way of forming new research teams.”

“Have you found the people you were looking for?”

“Yes, they are all dead. They were blood specialists and I guess their expertise made them too dangerous but that’s not why I called you…”

She typed a few words in the search bar and Quinlan leaned over her shoulder to read them. It was her name. At the top of the results they could read:

Seigneur, Alexandra, Ph.D. Animal behavior, animal physiology, cellular biology, endocrinology, reproductive sciences, immunology. DECEASED.

On the right was her face. The quality was grainy and it looked unofficial, as though cut from a larger picture. It made him uncomfortable. Her demise was not something he liked imagining.

“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated,” she said and chuckled.

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“Oh no, this is for the best. And this is not me anymore…Alexandra Seigneur died in that bunker.”

Now that she had acknowledged herself the work she had started, he thought she might be amenable to speak about it.

“If those people are dead, do you see yourself finishing their work?”

“It’s far from my area of expertise but they were practically finished. The Master would have spared himself a lot of trouble by letting them continue. But obtaining blood was not his only goal. At the time of the outbreak, they had been conducting trials. Injecting blood they had grown in vats into humans to test its effects.”

From the latest articles spread on the table, he had gathered as much.

“It sounds encouraging,” he said.

“It is…with just the right push, one could resurrect this project.”

“I always found you quite gifted at pushing.”

Lexi ignored his teasing and bit into her thumb pensively.

“I’ve found something else.”

“Yes?”

“Since the Master’s death, blood donations worldwide have been at an all-time low. People die every day from ailments that would have been easily remedied with a transfusion.”

“Humanity as a whole has been traumatized by those events and it is understandable that parting with blood would now stir negative feelings.”

“Yes…and with this research, this might become a problem of the past.”

He racked his fingers through her silvery hair she leaned onto it with a purr. Quinlan was not surprised that this would give her another motivation to revive this project. It made him proud of her in fact, though he did not believe humanity, as a whole, deserved her help. But a few select humans did and she had been neglecting them for far too long.

“If you are feeling better, what do you think about returning to New York? Trainees from Seattle need some sense scared into them. At least that’s what Augustin told me.”

“I would prefer to stay here. It would not be prudent to go back.”

Quinlan disagreed with her. Though her eyesight required her to slow down at times there was nothing stopping her from teaching again. In fact, nothing stopped her from returning calls and texts from her only friends.

“They are all worried about you. Maybe you could use your new phone…”

“I think all of them should worry about their own selves and families. They are the fragile ones, not me.”

“What…”

She shut her laptop with more force than necessary.

“Please, don’t ask me again,” she said and rushed to the window doors.

Before she stepped outside she hesitated.

“Is…is Emma alright?” she asked.

For a moment he considered not answering her question. If she truly desired that information, she could contact Laura herself. Lexi misinterpreted his silence and turned to him with horror on her face. Quinlan now regretted prodding her boundaries. It had been gauche and patronizing.

“She is well and enjoys school once more.”

Lexi leaned against the window and he could tell she was biting back tears. Look what you’ve done, you idiot. In a heartbeat, he crossed the room and embraced her, whispering apologies until she relaxed.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Dating Mark Sloan Would Include...

Had a request for Greys dating would includes, done a few of my fave characters

@beahippie23

Note: marks my fave this is so over the top 

Okay so after Lexie mark was on a complete bender

He was sleeping around more than ever

Making his way through the hospital and the nursing staff

Literally anything with a pulse

He’d hit on you expecting the norm

Except you’d have no interest (you’d heard all about his past, no thank you)

“why doesn’t she like me derek” “maybe because you’ve already slept with every single one of her friends”

He wouldn’t let it drop

He talk to you between surgeries

“look I will tell the chief youre harassing me  if you stop letting me work” “sorry just answer me one question?” “what?” “why exactly wont you go out with me” “because youre hardly asking for my hand, a quick 20mins in the on call room for you to get your rocks off isn’t my idea of fun”

He’d quit annoying you after that

But you’d actually become friends

He was actually a sweetie

Hanging out at the bar

Dinner at his place when he was off was the norm now

He felt comfortable talking to you about lexie, callie was busy being a mom and wife these days

One drunken night and you’d find yourself in bed with him

You were super embarrassed

But holy shit did he know what he was doing he had the practice

He’d promise he wouldn’t brag about it and surprise you by actually keeping his word

Were you falling in love with Mark Sloan

Denying everything

He didn’t tell anyone but he’d given up sleeping around

Work friends didn’t like your friendship with a doctor

Ending up with all his jobs because nurses thought he was a piece of shit

Not minding because you could spend time with him

He made up things to do so he could come see you

Showing up at his place late at night and admitting the truth after one too many drinks

“okay mcsteamy listen, so maybe and this is totally hypothetical I might have the teeniest tiny crush on you and your stupid beard and your stupid nickname” “Y/N are you drunk” “maybe” “come in and ill get you some water”

Flying under the radar with it after that

Wanting nothing more than to finish your shift so you can go back to his place

You two were quite good at keeping it low key

He loved taking you out, showing you off

He couldn’t show it at work like everyone else did

Not being able to get through the simplest tasks without it ending up in making out

He was the cockiest piece of shit you ever met

You two would bicker like crazy

It was a good six months before you told anyone

By that afternoon everyone knew

Becoming best friends with derek, teasing him

Meredith didn’t like you though even if Lexie was happy for you both

You would still keep it casual at work though, respectful and that

Agreeing with callie and Arizona that you shouldn’t meet Sofia until you were sure mark was the real thing

Surprisingly he’d say I love you first

You’d tease him about it but say it back almost immediately

Moving in with him soon after

Days out with Sofia

Cooking for him

Him buying a ring and hiding it for ages

Literally everyone knew before you did

He had a big extravagant plan

He’d leave the ring out and you’d find it by accident

“mark what is this” “Y/N where did you find that oh my god” “mark were you going to propose” “well yeah” “oh” “will you” “what?” “….marry me” “oh yeah” “well that was romantic”

[blissedtm]

ever the hopeless romantic. it was the absolute epitome of who lexi was as a person. the obsession with disney movies was more than likely due to that reason alone.. the ever-longing hope and desire to be that designated princess who found herself totally swept from her feet by one, prince charming. needless to say as the years gone and went by, she found herself slowly succumbing to the realization that the likelihood of that happening were slim to none. on the exterior she would allow herself to display that strong, independent ‘i don’t need no man’ persona in front of others who would dare try and steer her in the direction of a relationship.. because it just didn’t feel natural. it didn’t happen the way it did in the fairytails and that left her feeling totally underwhelmed. with jon? it might not of been the most romantic, it might not of been the stereotypical beginning to a relationship, there was no official confirmation that they were ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’.. it all just happened naturally. without pressure, without timelines.. and that in itself suddenly appeared to her as a more modern-day love story. there was no need to follow societal norms, because together.. they were at their happiest. that was all that mattered.

even in this moment, after months of uninterrupted bliss.. (no pun intended) they found themselves in a much more challenging circumstance. a bout of miscommunication partnered with more negative feelings than what either of them were used to in terms of each other - seeing their other half in that type of funk. it was a milestone that they would’ve crossed at some point in this union. no lifelong connection such as the one they were trying to build goes untested. there will be hard times, tough days, times were they maybe just don’t see eye to eye. all of which is totally natural.. it’s how they approach it as a team which is the true representation of them as a couple come out of it. tonight? the pair of ohioan’s tackled the issue head on.. they opened up to each other and didn’t shut down any forms of communication which was key to getting them over that metaphorical hill. it was very much true what they say, the harder times do make a stronger force.. already, even in the earliest moments of their now newly found release of anxiety, the blonde could already tell there was another connection between them that had just grown so much stronger.

even as pale blues peeked up at him as they sauntered down the hotel hallway, there was an obvious pip in her step.. a sweet, inviting smile sprawled across her features, tiny fingers laced tightly with his own; admiring every inch of his handsome features she had done so, so many times prior. it never got old. he was her prince.. no, in fact, he was her king. it was never more apparent than in this very moment. it was that overwhelming feeling of just wanting to merge entirely with someone.. not in a sexual manner, although that wouldn’t of been rejected, but in a much more soft and innocent way. one that confirms wholly of just how much she wanted to be apart of him, not just apart of his life. the lithe females free arm wrapped tightly around the arm of which his hand held hers tightly, pulling herself in as close as she could to his side as they continued their journey down the hall.. head resting comfortably against the leather of his jacket.

the ping from the elevator briefly brought her out of her very obvious haze of love. hurrying into the enclosed box, doors shutting instantly behind them as the woman placed herself right in front of the older male.. facing him momentarily before her head came to rest against his chest; arms creeping around his waist tightly. the action alone spoke words.. echoing his sentiments from the room. wanting to live this life with ‘her’.. she wanted to do the same. she never wanted to let go. “i’m sorry for the way today went, baby.. i just. i don’t know. i find myself feeling things very intensely when it comes to you. i know that might not come as a surprise considering where we are right now, but.. whenever i sense a threat or something i assume could tear us apart, i react in very silly ways. today, i shut down. surrendered myself to the worst because i thought of it like a.. ‘ripping the bandaid off’ situation, you know? .. but the reality is i have no idea what i would do without you. my life would be so completely and entirely empty, it’s not even worth thinking about.. you, you’re my family. you’re my love. you and nora are literally the rays in my life that keep me going; even on days like this. so if at any point today you’ve felt like that wasn’t the case.. or like i’ve been willing to give it all up, please don’t.”

inhaling sharply, she continued softly. “you are my whole heart. forever and day, no matter what.”

flashing his signature smirk right back to the woman at her words, the truth in the amount of 24 hour diner romcoms the pair had been watching was surely shining through. “we could totally be those people, make merc, dar, liv and matt all show up at a late night diner for a hang…” the idea itself was entertaining to think about; the couples themselves keeping a close bridge with one another over the last while. which was something jon was rather new to. sure, in his previous long term relationship the pair had friends on the road, but it was nothing like this. nothing as healthy as what he had now. “speaking of which, I’m almost certain there’s a diner just down the road from here..might as well get a head start on our personal romcom life, hm?” lexi’s thank you was returned with the softest of nods, eyes glowing back at her.

she was right. over the last while, jon’s days were filled with so much more than they had been. keeping up with AEW and two other companies he was signed to, the back and forth with having nora, and of course choosing to spend any free days he had with lexi. though at the same time there was no burden held regarding the time spent with his girlfriend; the two preferring to be with one another instead of taking turns on whom was home and who wasn’t. at the same time, his hang out time with friends wasn’t as often, or at least not with the exact same people he previously circled himself with on a constant basis. “my days spent with you and nora are like my off-time, from everything else..” again, lexi was speaking so many truths. as much as he should be following up with his close friends, the same should be given back if it’s equal, like it always should be. silence filled around him as he continued to listen to her. another nod came from the man, hand gently rubbing his forehead. “all this bullshit with work right now has added so much un-needed stress that the slightest personal shit makes me ready to pop.” her kind, sensitive words meant everything to him. in every way. she had this way of talking him down from his own anger that not all that many people had the skill of doing. and it was something he truly did appreciate. “you’re right babe, you’re right.” 

jon’s smile only grew further the more she spoke to him. their connection to one another was undeniable. “my home is with you. the travel doesn’t bother me unless I’m doing it alone. then I’m a bitcher’. but trust me, if I wanted space, if I wanted a day to myself, I’d say it. if I make plans with the guys to go on my own, I’d tell you. there’s nothing stopping me from going out on my own. I’d just rather go out with you. that’s all.” licking his lips after speaking, his feelings showing right at the surface with everything he spoke back to her. “I still go to the gym and other shit on my own, though I’d always wanna take you with me, there’s times where we just enjoy our own shit too. you with the girls, all that. I want this life. with you. and if others can’t handle that, that’s on them. you’re always going to be in my life, with me. it’s something people just have to accept and if they don’t, again, that’s their own problem.” shrugging his shoulders as he slid his belt through the straps of his jeans, eyes lifting to see the shorter woman making her way over to him; retrieving a BCC sweater before gliding it over herself and zipping the material up. “honestly hotel room beds have no enjoyment without you in them. I gotta say..” cockily winking back at the blonde, his mood flipping it’s switch to thankfully a much better one than he previously had held. “I think I’m going to see if eddie is going to be around at Rampage or not. no more of this drama stuff for anyone. you know?” ten minutes prior, moxley likely wouldn’t have even toyed with the idea of speaking to his best friend whom he had seemingly been clashing with. and now, the want to mend things to a healthy level was absolutely there. 

continuing to smile back at alexa, his leather jacket draping over his shoulders before nodding back to her. motioning towards the entrance of their hotel room, his larger frame yanking open the heavy door before turning back to her once again. “let’s save the crying for another day and get you stuffed up with yummies baby.” questioning himself at his own words for a split second, his hand held out for his girlfriend, leading to the pair exiting the room hand in hand; un-opened beer can still sitting on the bedside table. 

[charis-chan]

“I got you.”

Day two of DanversSistersWeek!

I blame everyone who voted on the prompt “I got you.” for what you’re about to read (let’s be honest, that prompt is an open invitation to angst).

Beta love to @reinakonanofate, she suffered through this so you could read it easier.

Read on Ao3

Heads up! This one happens in my Kismet AU. Kara is around 9 years old when this one happens, making Alex 21-22. Kara has her powers and she lives with Eliza and Jeremiah at the moment. 

This is practically how Kara came to be in Alex’s care.

You get the call during one of the final steps of your immunology trial.

It goes to voicemail.

You get the call in the early morning.

You don’t check your phone until well into the afternoon.

You get the call on a Wednesday.

Wednesday is the day you are the busiest.

You get the call, or rather, calls from an unknown number.

It’s so tempting just to ignore it and get on with your life.

You want to be done with this stupid trial so you can fly home and be with Kara for at least a week before the next term starts.

But.

Something tickles the back of your mind and you hear the sole message.

You dial back.

And you don’t pack.

You don’t let your lab partner know you are leaving.

You simply jump in a taxi headed to the airport, wearing the same clothes you wore all day and with just your keys and wallet.

There’s no time to waste and there is no way of knowing how long it will take you to reach home.

You need to be home.

You need to.

XxXxX

“Alexandra Danvers?”

You turn from the nurse’s station the moment the surgeon comes close.

The drive took over four hours. Once you reached the airport you realized paying a driver would be faster and faster it’s what you needed: choosing the closest University from home ended not being close enough.

“My sister? Kara Danvers?” you ask him as soon as he stops before you.

His eyebrows raise at that. “I’m sorry, I’m not the doctor in charge of Miss Danvers. Your father and your sister came to the ER but she was handed over to pediatrics once we knew her wounds are not fatal. Have you looked for Doctor Williams?”

You shake your head. “I just got here, Doctor…?”

“Jefferson.”

You nod. You don’t care you are being rude. You simply want to know where your sister is. “How can I get a hold on Doctor Williams?”

His eyebrows raise higher at that. “Nurse Sanders can help you with that.”

You nod again and turn to the nurse he just pointed. You are about to make your inquiry when he interrupts you.

“Um…” he says to your back. “Don’t you want to know about your father?”

Right. He mentioned Kara was bought in with your dad. You nod for the third time.

“He is in the ICU. We had to operate for internal bleeding. One of his ribs punctured a lung and part of the motor got embed on his upper leg. It’s a miracle he didn’t bleed to death on the spot. He crashed twice during surgery and once about an hour ago. He is stable now. Delicate, but stable. You can see him for a little while if you’d like.”

“I’ll go after finding my sister, Doctor. Thank you.”

He sighs. “I don’t think you understand. He’s in critical condition, Miss.”

You blink. “I went through med school, Doctor. Believe me, I understand. I’ll go to see him after seeing my sister.”

Maybe you are too indifferent, maybe you are too cold, maybe you are simply a monster, but you really don’t feel anything when he is practically saying your dad can die at any minute.

You don’t have a clue where your mom is, but knowing her, she is somewhere near your dad and she has left Kara on her own.

Kara is your priority right now.

Doctor Jefferson’s shock would have been funny any other time, but right now, you really don’t care.

“Can you page Doctor Williams, please?” you ask the nurse with a tight smile.

“One moment please.”

XxXxX

The pediatric wing of a hospital has always been one of the worst places for you.

The walls try to be cheerful, too filled with cartoons and bright colors. The lighting is always different from the rest of the hospital and the floors are too shiny, too pristine. This hospital has some light music playing in the background, too low for it to be a bother but loud enough that it helps mask the sounds made by the young patients.

“So, there is nothing to worry about, but we’d like to keep her for the night.”

Doctor Williams, a nice old lady that looks so tired, but still has a smile on her face just ran you through Kara’s injuries. A broken arm and a couple of bruises meant they only did a local x-ray, which is just your luck. If they have done something more advanced like an MRI then Kara’s secret would be out in the open.

Kryptonians may look human at first glance, but they are really different on the inside. You are also so lucky Kara hasn’t started her version of puberty, the outer changes in her body would raise several alarms.

Doctor Williams was nice enough to let you see the images and yeah, Kara got off lightly. Her radius was broken in two places, but the breaks are clean, easy to fix ones. The sole fact that she was hurt, however, lets you know she was wearing her stupid kryptonite dampener and you want to kill your parents for that.

Your mom made the dampener for Kara when it became obvious your sister has some heavy anger issues. It was almost as if turning five was some sort of catalyst and she started hitting and biting if she didn’t get her way. Tantrums became the norm and your mom had no patience to calm her down and, well, Kara was too strong to be contained by then.

Your mom made the dampener for Kara but it was a benefit for herself. It was designed to lower Kara’s powers to the point where she is weaker than a human and she tires easily, making her nap longer and more constantly. When you learned about it you were furious… and too far away to do anything about it.

(You refuse to relate Kara’s sudden temper change with you returning to full time schooling.)

“My sister was wearing a necklace and bracelet,” you tell her. “Do you know where they are?”

Procedure dictates she would be removed of all jewelry upon entering the ER so you need to know where they are. You don’t care about the dampener at all, but you refuse to let your baby sister lose the only thing still connecting her to Krypton. That necklace was her mother’s and Kara has refused taking it off since forever.

Your question is stupid and out of place, you know it and so does Doctor Williams. The frown on her face is expected. “Both were taken from her, I believe, I didn’t see them when she came to me. They should be with her clothes.”

You nod, not a little anger raising on your chest. You need to get that dampener as far as you can so Kara can heal immediately. You also need to see Kara. Now.

“Come,” she tells you, almost as if she’s reading your mind. “Visit hours are over, but you can see her for a little while.”

You nod, grateful. You have no idea what time is it, but you follow her to a room with three beds just off the common room you have been talking in.

The lights are low and the occupants of the first two beds are fast asleep. Once you think it’s a girl and the other a boy, but you can’t be sure and it doesn’t really matter. The last bed, though, is what draws you in fully into the room.

Kara is there, sleeping fitfully. She is turning and kicking every so lightly.

“She is sedated,” the Doctor tells you. “She wouldn’t let us help otherwise.”

That explains it, you think. Kara has trouble sleeping far from home and you know hospital sheets are too rough for your baby sister. There is no way she would be sleeping if she is not drugged.

You hate this. Kara has never been drugged before. And you have no way of knowing how will she react to the substance and you have no way of raising your concerns without exposing her.

You can feel your chest tighten at the thought of Kara reacting badly, at Kara being exposed and you fight down the sudden bile that’s threatening to rise to your mouth. Instead, you focus on your sister.

She has always been small for her age, but tonight the gurney swallows her up. She is so tiny she could pass for a slightly tall toddler and she is crying in her sleep.

“Oh, baby.” You waste no time in going to her, sitting at the edge of the mattress and gathering her in your arms. ~I’m here, baby. I’m here.~

She blinks open her eyes, cuddling into you. You notice that her right arm is in a hot pink cast and you wince. Not only the color is atrocious, Kara has never gotten a cast before.

Rao, she has never been sick before.

“Lexie?”

“Yes, love, I’m here.”

Her eyes are unfocused and her pupils too dilated, but she looks as close as she can to you. “Lexie,” she whimpers and she blinks and she turns her face onto your chest and she cries.

“Shh, baby, shh. I got you. I got you.”

“Lexie, L-Lexie.”

“I got you, Kara. I got you.”

XxXxX

You try to discharge Kara the next morning.

There is no reason for you to leave the hospital that night once you realize it is close to three in the morning, so you do the next best thing. You stay curled up around Kara, letting sleep claim her again and you nap through the hours until it’s time for you to take her far from here.

“Where are her things?” You ask the nurse that comes by after the shift change.

She startles, surely she didn’t think anyone would be around before visiting hours start. “Uh.”

“Her things?” You ask again. Kara is sleeping on top of you, her left thumb in her mouth.

(You cursed out loud when you woke up from you latest nap to see Kara sucking her thumb.

Your sister hadn’t sucked on it for more than a year now.)

“In the drawer,” the weird-out nurse points to the bedside table.

“Thank you.” You rise and with an ease born out of years of practice, you accommodate Kara’s sleeping form in the space you just left. “Can you help me with her discharge?” You ask as you open the drawer to see Kara’s clothes in a bag and her necklace and bracelet in the other.

She might not be wearing the dampener, but you know it’s still affecting her. You can’t see the lead box anywhere and you know you will have to keep it as far away from her as possible for the time being.

Your request seems to make the nurse come to her senses. She goes to Kara’s chart and reads through it. “You will need to ask Doctor Williams that, ma’am. It says here she still needs supervision.”

“I don’t need her signature with her kind of injuries,” you tell her easily, taking the bracelet and putting it in your pocket. “Has anyone else asked for Kara Danvers?”

Another quick look at the chart. “No, ma’am.”

“Fuck,” you curse softly. “Of course she hasn’t come.” You turn fully to the nurse. “Please, can you have her discharge papers ready in an hour? I will be back by then.”

You can see she wants to protest, but before she can say anything, a little voice calls to you. “Lexie?”

~Hey, baby.~ You go to her again, making sure you sit so the dampener is as far away from her as possible. ~I need to go for a little while, love. I need to see how dad is doing.~

You didn’t forget about him, not at all. He is just not at the top of your priority list.

You just need to make sure he is stable and you need to talk with your mom about him. You could yell at her for neglecting Kara, again, but you know that would just complicate things.

Kara’s papers are so that the ones responsible for her are your mom and you. You made that possible with a hard-won battle and a really expensive bottle of whiskey and hours upon hours upon hours of back and forth with both your parents. Once the whiskey was gone your father was easy to convince and, while it took you some time, your mother relented too.

In all honesty, your dad never wanted kids. He always made sure you knew that, and he was not too hyped to take Kara in. You know the only reason you exist is that your parents were entering that age where they were getting a little too old to not have kids and their colleagues were starting to wonder when they would finally make the family complete.

(The fact that the scientists your parents always had a long-standing rivalry with suddenly had triplets may have also influenced them. But, of that you are not entirely sure.)

Your mom was always one to succumb to peer pressure, but she too never wanted to care for anything that could take her away from her studies and experiments. She had you, yes, but she also left you with your grandmother most of the time until your Nana passed away. By then you were old enough to care for yourself or to be sent away to different universities to further your education whenever school let out.

So, with an iron-cast list of allegations, you sold your parents the idea that you being Kara’s guardian was the better option in the long run. Yeah, you might have dropped out your medical career just an exam away from becoming a doctor, but you were set to finish your Ph.D. in under a year and you were ready to take Kara with you the moment you stopped rushing through courses and labs, thus taking Kara’s burden from your parents.

You and Kara were meant to move together the moment you got your Ph.D. and start working at any lab that will have you. Susan hinted that she had a possible job for you, but you don’t want to move all the way to Gotham City… at least not until you talk to Kara and let her know she would be starting her life in another city. With you. But, that’s still a year away.

In the meantime, you need to talk to your mom so she doesn’t contest your decision to discharge Kara.

~I also need to talk with mom, baby, so we can go home.~

~No! Stay!~ Kara’s strong refusal isn’t unexpected, but certainly unwelcome. You need her to cooperate so everything goes smoothly for all of you.

~Kara. I need to go for a really little bit. When I come back, we will go home. I just need to find mom and see dad. I won’t take longer than an hour.~ You turn to the nurse that has been checking on the kids in the other beds. Kara’s loudness has woken them up and they are getting fussy. “Can you please have her papers ready for when I come back?”

Your baby sister climbs onto your lap and the nurse glares at you. You won’t apologize for Kara waking the other kids. “Yes, ma’am,” she says curtly.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” You turn to Kara. ~I need to go and you need to sleep a little bit more.~

~N-No,~ she sobs out. ~I’m staying with you!~

~Kara…~

~NO!~

Another of the kids starts crying then, prompting another nurse come in the room.

You sigh. “I’m taking her with me,” you inform them, gathering Kara’s blanket and using it to wrap her up and keep her warm. “I won’t take her out the hospital, but she is going with me.”

You don’t let the nurses try to stop you, they are busy trying to calm down the other kid – the girl, you note – so they practically ignore you. You make sure to grab Kara’s necklace on your way out and you cradle your sister close to your chest.

“Come on, baby. Let’s find my parents.”

XxXxX

The ICU is just like every other ICU.

Just like the Pediatric Ward was like any other Pediatric Wing: depressing.

You can’t find Doctor Jefferson, but Nurse Ramirez is here to help you and what he tells you, doesn’t make sense.

“What do you mean no one has been around? My mom should be here.”

“I’m sorry, miss, but Jeremiah Danvers hasn’t had any visitors until now.”

Kara’s weight in your arms is enough to know she is asleep and you can’t pull your hair in frustration like you would want to, yet, you keep a gently rocking on her and a soothing hand going up and down her back. You can’t have her awake for this conversation. “There must be a mistake. My mom hasn’t called me, she wouldn’t leave my dad on his own.”

He is looking through the ER records as you speak. He is not like the other nurses you have met, no. He is being helpful and supportive even when it is clear you are a mess. Your experience in hospitals has shown you that some nurses can’t be bothered most of the time and the rest are too busy to take the time and help like he is doing.

You are grateful, you really are, but damn this doesn’t make sense.

“Oh.” His little exclamation calls your attention immediately and, for some stupid reason, your blood freezes.

“What is it?”

He looks up from the papers he is reading and his smile is so small and so forced that he doesn’t need to say anything out loud for comprehension down on you.

Whoever called you yesterday only told you Jeremiah and Kara Danvers were involved in a collision and that they were admitted to Mercy Hospital. That your number appeared as emergency contact and that your presence was required immediately.

Looking back, you have should know.

“She was in the car with them.” It’s not a question.

“Yes.”

“She didn’t make it.”

“… No.”

You nod. That makes sense, you think. There is absolutely no reason for your mom not to be here, after all.

Other than being dead, that’s it.

“Okay.” Your voice sounds so far away and so disinterested to your own ears. “Thank you for your help, sir.”

You turn and leave the small office he dragged you in.

Now you don’t only need to deal with your dad’s critical condition.

You need to plan what to do with your mom’s remains.

If there are any.

“Lexie…” Kara whines in her sleep and you drop a kiss on her head.

“Shh, baby. I got you. I got you,” you whisper against her hair.

You are Kara’s sole guardian now.

You will need to keep an eye on your dad after he gets out the hospital, sure, but your more pressing matters are finding a way for Kara to move in with you soon, really soon, and tending to Kara’s injury.

You don’t want her to be alone with your dad if your mom is not around to buffer their interactions.

You also don’t want Kara to live in a house that will make her remember your mom all the time.

Her broken arm surely hurts, yes, but that’s something that you are sure a little sun and lots of cuddles will make better in no time.

So, yes.

Right now, you need to focus on moving Kara with you, on seeing what happened with your mom’s body and wait to see what will happen with your dad.

Right.

You need to focus on that.

“… Lexie…”

Kara is what matters now. Yes.

Find what happened with your mom’s body.

Wait for dad’s recovery.

Move Kara in with you.

Focus on that.

“I got you, Kara. I got you.”

Just focus on that.

[voightsgirl]

Your Voight post made me think, and I think CPD doesn't get enough appreciation re: how they seem to effortlessly go against a lot of toxic masculinity. Like, there's been any issues with the guys crying or expressing their love for each other, and it's never made into a joke or followed with a no homo reaction or smthn like that and idk I guess I really appreciate the male friendships in CPD. Even the rest of the franchise doesn't do so well as this imo (not counting justice bc it's still new)

You know I started replying to this and then I realised that I’ve never really thought about the male characters in that much depth…I’m the first to sing about how amazing Erin and Burgess are, as well as male characters individually, but when I really thought about how well the men have been created, I ended up with an entire essay so apologies it’s so long but I just love this show and these guys. Also since there’s been a lot of negativity in light of *cough* recent events, I thought it would be nice to show my appreciation, so here goes. Feel free to add examples/contradictions/points/other ideas etc!!

Something I need to say before beginning: I find it really, really difficult to empathise with male characters. It’s just harder for me to really relate to their issues. And I think a huge reason for this is just that being a female character in these shows and these professions is just harder. And therefore there are a certain amount of fundamental difficulties that each female character has to face, and since being a female in general involves a lot of these struggles, it’s much easier for other women to look at these characters and see themselves in them. Look at Erin and Burgess struggling to keep their hard work and intelligence a more valuable feature to their unit than their bodies. Look at April and Maggie trying not to be undermined by their male, more qualified co-workers - and Manning being a single, working mum. Look at Gabby beating the odds and becoming a firefighter even though no one thinks she can do it because she’s small and female.

And I love that this show can do that: take these vital professions and give them amazing, well developed, multifaceted female characters whose constant struggles are so relatable for any female watching because we’ve all been there.

But what PD does that I just don’t see so much in the others (Fire does it to an extent, but I can’t really think of any examples in Med - although it’s my least favourite and so I’m probably not the best person to make analyses based on it, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) is do the same with the males. And it’s something that I have never seen on a TV show before. There’s no “no-homo” bullshit, there’s no reservations around being friends. They hug each other when they’re worried about them, they do the friendly shoulder squeezes and arm-punches and fist-bumps. They go out for drinks together. They trust each other and look out for each other and they talk to each other about how they feel. And it’s really, really nice to see.

People go the extra mile when writing female characters (although admittedly, as a teenage girl I’m probably not using the widest sample range of TV shows) because they know that either a) their audience is mostly female, or b) they’re worried about sexist accusations. Women have always been victims of horrible media tropes, so I’m so, so glad that they do go this extra mile - I love seeing female friendships more than anything else in the world - but because people are so aware of the issue surrounding female characters, they’ve taken that into consideration, while assuming that there isn’t actually a problem with their male characters.

What Chicago PD does that I think is incredible from a characterisation point of view is they take these archetypal cop characters - the dirty cop (Voight), the by-the-book cop (Antonio), the shell-shocked veteran cop (Halstead), the old-cop young cop (Ruzek and Ollinsky) and the gentle giant (Attwater). **there are more, such as Attwater arguably being the “token minority” and Ruzek being the “fair cop” but you get the idea. They all seem to represent one of the main tropes that are almost always present in cop shows (at least all the ones I’ve watched).

And the show doesn’t subvert the tropes, not exactly - even though doing so would be so much easier - but they three-dimensialise (idk if that’s a word just roll with me here) all the characters on top of these fundamental archetypes. ie:

Voight is a dirty cop. He kills people in the name of justice, he’s used dirty money and lied under oath and done things that probably should have lost him his badge a million times. And yet, he works tirelessly for the protection of his city. He loves his son with everything he has, and his grandson, and his daughter-in-law. He took in a 13(?) year old who’d been hooked on heroin and arrested for solicitation and loves her like she’s his own daughter. He made amends with the guy who put his son in jail. He always, always fights for the underdog and doesn’t let the system take advantage of them. He treats his unit as if they are his “family” - literally his words - and he has formed relationships with every single one of them, bending the rules and putting his neck and badge on the line if they ever do anything wrong or against the rules. (Example: 3x05)

Antonio plays by the rules, that’s just who he is. He believes in the system more than Voight does, arguably because he’s always been on the right side of it. But that doesn’t mean he’s not willing to make compromises if those he really cares about are on the line - he is more than willing to turn a blind eye to other people’s ‘interpretations’ of the law, and he will do everything in his power to fight his way using the rules of the system before he breaks them. (1x02, 3x01)

Halstead’s military history I think is one of the most interesting aspects of this show because he had the potential to turn into a “cold sniper” as I think is the norm with ex-military characters, and yeah, he was affected in ways that we don’t even know - and may never fully understand - by what he saw and did in his tour(s). But he’s so selfless and sweet and supportive. His PTSD and general commitment issues mean that he can’t open up to everyone but he still lets them open up to him, being Erin’s #1 supporter, and he’s finally started to work on looking after his mental health properly and learning how to ask for help. He’s kind and caring and understands the importance of sacrifice and, like Voight, is willing to bend the rules a little bit - even if he’s always there to question Voight’s methods. (3x17, 4x18 - deleted scene)

Ruzek is the token rookie of the show, and the audience is placed in the same boat as him when initially learning the ropes of the unit and how everyone fits. He’s the young and attractive one (I mean….), and he does exhibit those typical rookie traits: he’s rash and reckless and cocky and definitely not as cynical as any of the others, but at the same time he has a huge heart, he’s sweet and caring, and he can be as tough as hell when someone he loves is in danger. He doesn’t have the “tortured romantic” side to him and he has a typical cop family tree, but he’s the person I feel like most people can probably relate to - someone who puts themselves in harm’s way every single day for no reason other than he wants to make a difference. (1x01, 1x11)

Ollinsky is the other dirty cop, although he functions more as an assistant to the dirty cop. He has the tough coldness about him that you would probably expect Jay to have instead, if following these tropes by the book, and he comes across as very sinister and quite scary. And yet he is an absolute darling around Lexi and Michelle and when Lexi died and Meredith was kidnapped, he totally lost control. Despite all the coldness and being closed-off he is perhaps the most emotional of them all, grieving and crying and not caring about how tough he is when someone he loves is threatened. (4x16)

Attwater is the gentle giant of the show and although this doesn’t need much more explaining, he, alongside Erin, is also the token minority of the unit (even more so now that Antonio’s left and Burgess has joined Erin in Intelligence) and although this trope is constantly seen as a bad thing, using a token character to avoid criticism of being racist in casting choices, in PD Attwater opens the door to addressing cases of police racism, corruption and brutality against ethnic minorities, and the episodes in which they do deal with this, Attwater is quick to express his opinion on the matter and challenge within seconds everything that’s wrong with the institution and their society. But on top of all that, he has relatives in prison, he’s expected to be a big tough “scary black man”, but in actuality he looks after his two younger siblings and does stand-up comedy and probably gives the best bear hugs ever.

And the support system that these six men have together (or five, now that Antonio’s left) is incredible to watch. They understand barriers, they know when to push and when to give each other space, they all work together so well in such a potentially toxic environment without even a hint at this hyper-masculinity that is so huge in other cop shows. They’re all just bros.

What’s also great is that even though there’s a lil bit of that bro-masculine culture especially when Erin goes undercover and dresses up all nice, they’re never anything but perfect gentlemen. There’s no teasing and no sexist remarks about her legs or whatever, they all just seem genuinely impressed by how pretty she looks and how well she does her job. Adam even says things like “there’s about a thousand things I could say right now but won’t” because they all respect Erin and Burgess and support them as much as each they do each other. They don’t care if the women do better jobs than them, or save them, or shoot more accurately than them, and they’d never dream of undermining their femininity while doing so.

Other examples of the bros being bros:

Antonio getting Jay into the unit in the first place as a thank you for helping out Gabby (Chicago Fire, season 2 sometime, mentioned later when Antonio leaves)

Voight literally crying on Alvin’s shoulder after Justin’s death

Every single one of Jay and Mouse’s interactions, especially when they talk about their time in the military and Jay realises how much he cares about his friend when Mouse wants to re-enlist and when Mouse is taken hostage (4x05, 3x03)

Antonio and Voight’s entire friendship and the fact that Voight would go to such measures to help Diego even after Antonio was the one to put the cuffs on and send him to jail

Attwater and Ruzek being bros until the end and *sniff* the whole best man thing 

They all buy Antonio a zimmer frame when he gets shot isn’t that just beautiful

Ruzek hugging Al after Lexi’s death and his little “I don’t know what to say” and “can I hug you?” - like he knows Al might just want space but he has to let him know he’s there for him

They all get so upset when Jay is taken. Just watch the scene where they see the video of his torture and their faces break me. They can’t handle the idea that someone so close to them - their brother - is in so much pain. (3x01)

Seriously tho just look at these bros

So I was just gonna write a few paragraphs and sorry this is so long but feel free to add more!! I want to know what everyone else thinks!

[6four1-blog]

June 10th, 2017 (Kavousi, Crete, Greece)

I haven’t really been using my computer lately due to both inconvenience and pure exhaustion from the hard manual labor. I would like to write a few of these long entries that are separate from my journal as passages that are meant to be read by other people. If you were here in Kavousi with me, then you will (most likely) be reading this at the end of our excavation. If I am sharing this with you, it means I felt like we got decently close and I hope this serves as a reminder for the magical summer we shared, no matter how brief our interactions may have been. However, if you are family, a friend from home, a friend from Duke, or just someone who came across this blog, I hope you enjoy reading about my culture shock and taking a sneak peak into my train of thought. Now, it has been about two weeks, and the writer within me itches like a rough patch of eczema and being away from a keyboard is really tearing me inside out. I shall try my best to recall everything that has happened so far to the best of my ability.

I remember the very first day as clear as these oceans’ waters. I had arrived at the Heraklion airport full of anxiety and incredibly unsure if I made the right decision in coming to dig at Azoria. The airport itself was rather shabby and run-down; the lone building was tainted with a smudged layer of brown that can be found at all hot and humid countries. The same smother is visible on almost any old building in my home town Xiamen on the Southern Chinese coast. I remember stepping out of the airport to a beating sun that cooked me in my black Zumiez joggers as if I was a goat prepped for a Minoan feast. There were a few other students who were also part of the Azoria excavations and there were quite a few who I identified well before boarding the plane in Athens. I would soon discover that the majority of them are from Trent University and had already known each other. They seemed so well knit already that a part of me was deeply worried that this experience would be extremely lonely. Luckily for me, one of them had the courage to introduce himself to an Asian boy who clearly seemed out of place. His name was Alex and he would turn out to be my trench master for these upcoming seven weeks. The man had the build of an Ohio State linesman but the voice of a gentle scholar. His words were of something incredibly reassuring, that the people who worked on this project and even those who returned year after year were quirky and friendly in their own unique way.

The drive to Kavousi was quiet and lonely, as all the Trent University Canadians fell asleep in perfect sync. I, already exhausted from nearly 20 hours of non-stop travel, somehow couldn’t fall asleep as I observed the small Cretan villages that came and went as if I was scrolling through a stack of old photographs. The houses bore an uncanny resemblance to those that I found in my travels around rural China. Everything seemed to be built to just merely fulfill its purpose and most of the architecture was furnished just enough to get the job done, but not enough to be considered as beautiful pieces of art or as revelations in engineering. The highway itself was a project stuck in time, as if the construction workers finished just enough so that the rocky slopes wouldn’t collapse before leaving and returning to live their normal lives. The mountains here were sheer, steep, and dry like the ancient pottery of this land. The flora and fauna spawned across the land in a sporadic fashion much like Floridan shrubs back home in North America. The trees and bushes were never too tall to block one’s view of the island’s silhouette. Their pigments bore a much lighter shade of green compared to the Western white pine and red cedar from my home near the foot of the Northwest Rocky Mountains. Since the Northwest trees liberated a distinct aromatic smoke when burnt, later on, when these Greek trees were used as firewood in the local pizza ovens, the smell of the smoke was unfamiliar to me and my olfactory quaked with a nonnative affect that I simply cannot explain with words.

After what it seemed to be a life time of driving, Catherine finally pulled up at the Tholos hotel where I would be staying for the next seven weeks. I found myself in a triple with two much older guys, one from Chicago who goes to the University of Kentucky named Weston, and another who goes to the University of Iowa named Rick. Weston was 23 and Rick was 25, both of whom are substantially older than my meager 19. Our room was incredibly simple and plainly furnished with a few pieces of furniture and simple ornaments. The owners tried their best to decorate the room but, coming from Vancouver and Duke, the decorations simply did not exceed my expectations in any way.

It was then when Weston strolled into the room and introduced himself. He had an incredibly gregarious demeanor that struck me as someone who was exceptionally comfortable with talking to people and someone who was god damn confident in his ability to strike up a good conversation. In my heart, there was a flash of envy and awe, best summarized as an unique respect for someone who seemed to be very open to talking about different topics and very good at conversing with people of diverse cultures and backgrounds. He certainly had faith in his speech and strong personality that I always lack when I first meet people. Weston and I slowly trotted up to Maria’s taverna for a quick drink and bite of food. What we talked about on that walk up to Kavousi, and the countless walks many nights and days to follow, will be a subject for another discussion. On our walk back that night, we briefly met David. He was walking up to Maria’s from Tholos in a near pitch-black street lit with out-of-commission street lamps, making him look rather menacing and scary. In that moment, I had no idea that he would become one of my best friends here at Azoria.

It was either on the same day or the day after when I met the rest of the girls that would eventually become a good component of my friends here. A few gave such distinct first impressions that I will never forget. Alana, a girl from John Hopkins, seemed like the biggest goofball and happy-go-lucky daughter that a mother could ever ask for. Her constant commentary on her own actions and the world around her just brightened the crowd and could make you laugh any time, any day. She had a humor that could penetrate the barriers in society created by controversial issues surrounding socioeconomic status, race, and culture. Having her around in a discussion and in a group activity was an absolute pleasure and just made the times much merrier. Courtney was just so tall and impossible to miss, but what truly imprinted on me was her willingness to give you her undivided attention while you were talking. Her gaze into your eyes as you spoke was one of constant thought, careful never to miss a word and unwilling to let your voice go unheard in the large mob. Then there was Callie, who immediately rubbed in my face that UNC won the national NCAA title this year and attempted to marginalize Duke. However, after getting over the fact I am a Duke student and people from Duke are not all as bad as Grayson Allen, her expressions and mannerisms became that of close sister that I have never had. It was her who attempted to include me in group activities and she was more than often the first to ask how I was doing on the brutal 7 am work mornings. Somewhere in the dark I saw a spark for a friendship that can be maintained for many months and perhaps even years to come. There was also Nikki, the girl with probably the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They were a bright light-blue that twinkled even better than even the dazzling constellations during a night in the middle of the Sahara. She had the smily eyes that only those who were deeply loved by their mother and the father would ever have.

The first few days, including the orientation, flew by as if I was driving down the Interstate 95 from Raleigh to Savannah. It took a few days for my body to adjust to the amount of heat and sunlight we had to constantly work in. I was imbibing more than a gallon of water in a span of just 12 hours and my body was still constantly screeching at me for more. Working with the skaliskiri was the forearm and wrist workout that I never bothered doing at Duke. After the first week, I swear there was a tendon in my right arm that was ready to just rupture and give in. The ibuprofen numbed it as it always does and my forearms eventually developed the endurance and strength they needed for a seven-hour work day. After this trip, I don’t think I will skip forearm day ever again. As of two weeks in, sieving seems to be my favorite activity up on site. At the sieve, I got the chance to bond with Kate, Marissa, Gabriela, and Lexi. We all loved to sieve and had many conversations about home, deep thoughts, and things greater than our own microcosms. The labor was physically tiring and mentally draining but every once in a while you find big shards of pottery or bone, and these little finds are what keeps you going and digging. That yes, maybe it sucks to be coated in dirt and constantly harassed by horseflies, but the possibility of finding a cool piece of goat bone with my next scarp kept me, and I assume the rest of my trench, going onwards and forwards. Our trench on the western slope is always blessed with a refreshing breeze that came from the Aegean up north. It was as if the old gods were constantly sending down their regards and encouragement in the most comforting and non-verbal way possible.

The few hours after work were probably the most defining moments so far. For the first week at least, the norm for us was to head down to the beach and go for a light swim. We found a little shop that recently opened and the owner is a Cypriot native and was once a professor in Athens for more years than I have been alive. He approached me on our very first encounter and asked me whether I was Japanese or Chinese. Perhaps it was then when I realized that I, being an Asian person in a small town that does not get its fair share of Asian tourism, not mention young Asian travelers, am literally an animal out of the zoo for most of the people here in Kavousi. It was during these afternoon strolls and beach talks when I started to appreciate Weston and David more and more. We had radically different upbringings; just to give an example, I didn’t recognize a single song that David showed me. My innate attitudes about socializing with different people started to morph as I came to the realization that our cultural and background differences were so easily overcome by similar senses of humor and topics of interest. It was remarkably satisfying to grow closer and begin to understand David. He had the shell of a tough guy who seemed to have seen and endured too much for someone his age. A part of those eyes burned like an aching scar that could easily tear open. I later found out that he had been terribly bullied in his adolescent years and, as a result, he carries himself with an aura of confidence and belligerence that utterly refuses to be hurt in the same way ever again. But underneath that stout façade, there was a young man who simply wanted to be listened to, understood, and trusted. I would be a very rich man if I could just get five euros whenever his and my humor clicked like the gears of a nice Swiss timepiece. Not only does the guy have a talent for talking and deep-thinking, but he would also become a very successful professional fly-swatter if he wanted to. 

Later on in the second week, the Greek workmen started inviting the three of us to drink with them after work. In Chinese and Canadian society, and to some extent American society, workmen are not considered a great demographic to be associated with. Many were known to blow their small earnings on hedonistic pleasures such as prostitutes and drugs. However, these Greek workmen were some of the most down-to-earth people I have ever met. These were the video gamers, the big brothers, the fathers, and the engineering students who are native to Kavousi and enjoying meeting people from around the world. Maybe the most distinct workman I met was Giwrgos, whom refers to himself as Katis. Katis’ English was so impressive and his voice was one that reminded you of your best roommate. When he lent a helping hand, you could feel the care in his touch, the sincerity in his voice, and the simple desire to get to know you better and become your best friend. He once went out of his way to go to his house and fetch his car just to drive me, Weston, and David back to our hotel rooms. His kindness and comforting demeanour will take him so far if he ever chooses to leave Greece and work elsewhere, because I simply don’t see him not being able to fit in anywhere he goes.

[chaosbisexual]

1-74?

Hey there nonnie!! idk why, bc tbh i’m p boring, but thank you! i’ve already answered a handful of these so i’ll just do the rest!! thank you!!

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i mean i’m 5″2 so i wish i was taller,,,, like maybe just 5″6 or so??? just a bit taller???

2: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i LOVE dresses okay i’m that girl,, but i love dresses that come in at the waist bc i’m curvy so i like the waist,, and like high waisted shorts and jeans and skirts w shorter tops??? mm i LOVE. but i’m also comfortable with like big jumpers and stuff too so…

3: Do you like makeup? if so, What’s your daily makeup routine look like? Yes! I love makeup! i’m not very good at it but i find makeup v calming and usually when i’m upset the process of putting youtube or music on and doin my makeup is so theraputic,,, i usually do pencil eyeliner, eyebrows, concealer, mascara and eyeshadow if i have time (not in that order) but i honestly love eyeshadow pallets sm 

4: What three things/people do you think of most each day: things bc i’m boring; tea, blankets and friends. 

5: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? OVER EMOTIONAL AND OVERBEARING AND WILL PROBABLY LOVE YOU TOO MUCH,,, A BIT LIKE A PUPPY. ALSO HIGHLY ANXIOUS AND CRIES WHEN TEA IS UNAVAILABLE,,, that sounds about right,,,, 

7: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] : I love personality quizzes and i literally just took this and i’m melancholic?? which i agree w a lot actually (look it up if you want to know more lol)

9: who’s your favorite celebrity? hmm currently dodie clark (she counts ok) emma watson, adelaide kane, or matty healy,,, hmmm,,,,,,

10: who’s your favorite viner? i dont really watch vines but i think thomas sanders and lizzza are hilarious so,,,,

11: favorite youtubers? i kinda answered this before but dodie, lucy moon, jack and dean (anyone in that circle) dan and phil, carrie hope fletcher. 

12: cat or dogs? i dont like this bc i love them both but when it comes to mutual love,,,, dogs (but my cat has LOVED me recently idk whats happening)

14: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? i honestly don’t know,,, i LOVE the name lyra but i feel like i’d want to name my child that,,, but idk i also like laurel, lily, estelle,,,,

16: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? i feel most productive at night, and i love night, but i feel like people diurnal is more the norm and when i’d actually be able to get stuff done,, so that

17: Any phobias or fears? bein alone, being unproductive, unhappiness,, i don;t think i have any phobias but i am quite an anxious bean

18: Favorite movie? hmmmm 10 things i hate about you, any hp film, the narnia films,,, r+j,,,, there’s so m a n y 

19: Do you get scared easily? short answer: yes,,, long answer: Y Y E E S S 

21: What is a color that calms you? blue, like pale blue, green (bc being outside makes me feel calm) and like mauve bc it reminds me of my mum 

23: Where were you born? melbourne buddy

24: Introvert or extrovert? ambivert,,,, but i think i’m closer to extrovert 

25: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? YES I’M SUCH A TAURUS

 26: Hugs or kisses? i mean i’ve never kissed anyone so i’d have to say hugs

28: Talk about your crush, if you have one! idk where to begin w this omg,,,,

29: A sound you really love? RAIN. RAIN.  R A I N. and my friends talking, that makes me feel good too. 

30: Can you do the splits? nOPE 

31: Favorite actor and/or actress? emma watson, thomas brodie-sangster, asa butterfield, tatiana maslany, dev patel,,, ugh so many people

33: How are you feeling right now?  i mean ??? neutral??? like i’m not happy but i’m not sad?? fine??? 

34: What color would you like your hair to be right now?  i mean i used to want to be ginger but then i realized i would look crap but tonight at a dinner i was called a ranga (my hair is v light brown) and now i’m conflicted,, but like i kinda want darker hair rn 

35: Something that calms you down? dodie clark, my friends, tea, long walks.

36: Have any disorders? no but i might have anxiety??? 37: What does your URL mean? combo of my fave characters, clara oswald from doctor who and james and lily potter from hp,,, not even sorry 

38: What makes you unfollow a blog? inactive, rude or a person i just don’t want to be associated with anymore (this only happened once when i had a falling out w someone irl)

39: What makes you follow a blog? nice username or aesthetic, or i find you on my dash somehow. i follow a lot of people but it’s nice there’s variety. 

40: Favorite kind of person: one who understands me and listens to me but is also completely at ease w who they are and is willing to be open with me.

41: Name three of your favorite blogs. @alicelongbottom, @hpwritersnet (i’m part of this but we’re great) and @acestephendene ,, ily all sm and your blogs are all AMAZING,

42: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ!!!! and it fits me really well tbh.

43: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? currently my maxi dress or my jeans :)

44: Post a selfie or two? lol i don’t currently have any up put i have a pic of ME if that counts. everything will be under the tag “my face”

45: Do you like to swim? YES

46: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? swimming, i can’t skate for shit lol

47: Something you wish didn’t exist: tr*mp

48: Some thing you wish did exist: MONEY TREES AND TIME MACHINES

49: Piercings you have? just my ears

50: Something you really enjoy doing: reading and writing and walking. sometimes all at once oml 

51: Favorite person to talk to: hmm maybe either my two closest friends or my sister?? 

52: What was your first impression of Tumblr? *actual recreation* “plants, plants, plants, i guess they’re pretty,,,, wAIT IS THAT HARRY POTTER”

53: How many followers do you have? nearly 0.5 k :))))))))))))) (do you guys want me to do something to celebrate?? i’m so excited??)

54: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? probably not omg 

56: What are your birthstones? emerald,, thats the only one i know oops 

58: Someone you look up to: my sister (both literally and metaphorically)

59: A store you love? in australia we have this stationary store called typo,,, and it’s my favourite place on earth. and like any type of bookstore, vintage, or like anything. just books. 

60: Favorite type of shoes? boots,,, heeled boots,,,

61: Where do you live? australia m8

62: What color do you wish the sky was? i wish it always looked like it does when its dusk tbh 

63: Favorite thing about a person: their eyes, their passions, their hopes.

64: Something you love about Tumblr: all the kind people who send me asks and messages :)66: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,, idk maybe a 4 or 5? and on a good day, a 6-6.5? which is kind of ironic when you think about the fact that i idolise my sister,,, who looks like me,,,,

67: What nicknames do you have/have had? lexi, ali, alexy-indre, munchkin, smol bitch, peanut, smol cabbage, and most recently, the good ole “al”

68: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? when i was v little, but i think i stole them all from story books so,,,,

69: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? i have seen a counselor, and i probably go back actually,,,70: How many languages do you speak fluently? just english,,, but i am trying to learn french.71: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. mum, my sister, and hannah (@acestephendene)

72: Do you like BuzzFeed? i mean ??? yes ??? i know they’re problematic and all but yes i like the content,, espec unsolved its my fave. 

73: How many people are you following? i’m such a mess i think last time there was around 3,000??? i should probably maintenance that omg 

74: How many posts/likes/ and or drafts do you have on your blog? 14,168 posts, 31,092 likes, and 2 drafts (again, i’m a mess)

phew that was long!! hope ur not asleep anon, thank you so much xx

[morganbelarus]

Tila Tequila Claims She’s Responsible For Adult Film Star’s Death

It should go without saying that death is probably the most tragic thing that can ever happen to a human. I mean, it’s literally the end of your life – your relationships, your achievements, your memories can all be gone in the blink of an eye.

And because death is so incomparably tragic, it is a universal norm that we treat the dead with respect. Even, in some cases, if they have done us wrong in the past. However, former Celebrity Big Brother star Tila Tequila doesn’t see it that way apparently. In fact, Tila has made some tremendously vile claims that she was behind the death of a 20-year-old adult film actress by the name of Olivia Nova. Olivia Nova – real name Lexi Rose Forte – was found dead on Sunday in Las Vegas. Her cause of death is yet to be confirmed, however, Tila believes she knows exactly how and more importantly why she died. In a shocking Facebook post, Tila – real name Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen – praised God for bringing about the death of the X-rated actress. The 36-year-old TV personality is no stranger to controversy and seems to thrive off of rubbing people up the wrong way. In August 2015, the reality TV star was removed from the Celebrity Big Brother house after a photoshopped photograph of her standing outside Auschwitz wearing a Nazi armband made its rounds on the internet. The mom-of-one, who doesn’t “believe” in vaccinations, made very callous remarks about Nova, strongly indicating that she deserved to die. She also claimed that she prayed for it to happen. “Looks like more pornstars are dying or have died! Yikes! You all better get out of this industry asap because more deaths and deadly diseases will hit this particular industry very soon because I prayed for it to be!” she wrote. “God is now working his way to make this happen! Don’t say I didn’t warn you all! I suggest those in the porn industry to repent of your sins so that you MAY be saved! FOR THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she added. “Those who laugh will be mourning and looks like that hour of mourning is finally here!!!!! Hallelujah, praise the God of justice!”

Over the last few months, there has been an increase in the number of reported deaths amongst young porn stars, including August Ames, 23, Yuri Luv, 31, and Shyla Stylez, 35. And Tila believes it is their ‘abhorrent’ lifestyles that is ‘wiping them out’ one by one. In case, you hadn’t already realized, Tila is a super ‘devout’ born-again Christian, but instead of displaying qualities such as forgiveness and compassion, she is ‘praying’ for the death of anyone whose lifestyle she disapproves of. “I literally just spent a prayer session TARGETING the porn industry and I prayed that these pornstars will all fall extremely ill with infirmities, and start to die off so that everyone will flee from this industry never again to return!!” she wrote in another post. “Then soon after I see in the news that a porn star died suddenly!!! Whoa! God listens to me and gives me whatever I ask for in Jesus’ name.” In a separate Facebook post, she called on God to ‘strike’ her down if she had said anything which violated Christian doctrine:

“Since everyone is getting all riled up about the things that I have been saying…. I will take it upon myself to take it even a step further by praying that the Lord God strikes me down, breaks my teeth, breaks my bones, and strike me down with lightning if anything I have said so far has been of lies!” 

She then goes on to imply that she is an actual bona fide prophet and that the fact that God has not struck her down is confirmation of this:

“If I am a false prophet like many demons or blind ones claim then I pray that God will strike me down right now in the name of Jesus!!! Amen! Ps- And because I am not a false prophet who has not told lies….God will NOT strike me down while everyone else gets struck down with calamity! LMAO! #ThankYouJesus .”

There is no excusing the callous words that Tila Tequila wrote about Olivia Nova on her social media pages. It defies belief that anyone could think that this is a positive message to spread amongst their fans. Tila might not agree with the lifestyles that certain people have but that does not make her life any worthier than theirs. Unsurprisingly, considering her fundamentalist beliefs and the inappropriate way in which she chooses to share her beliefs, Tila’s mental health has been called into question. Hopefully, if she is in need of professional support, she will soon get the help she needs.

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=> *********************************************** Originally Published Here: Tila Tequila Claims She’s Responsible For Adult Film Star’s Death ************************************ =>

Tila Tequila Claims She’s Responsible For Adult Film Star’s Death was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

[theliterateape]

Hope Idiotic | Part 18

By David Himmel

 Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

“HOW MANY DIFFERENT TIMES AND WAYS DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU?”

Weeks later, Gina was still furious with Chuck over his two-day disappearing act.

“Keep going. I’ll let you know when enough is enough. What did you even do?”

“I went to San Diego. I sat on the beach.”

“And you got wasted.”

“I drank some, yeah.”

“You got a fucking DUI, Chuck!”

He didn’t want her to know. But when you give a girl the key to your place, there’s a good chance she’s going to glance at your mail. And when she sees an official-looking envelope from the Clark County Office of the Clerk, she’ll probably open it. And when she reads it, she’ll discover that you’re an idiot who capped his alcoholic road trip off with a DUI.

“And you’re charged with resisting arrest! What is going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“This isn’t nothing!” she said.

“I didn’t set out to get pulled over.”

“I should hope not.”

“Can you lighten up a little bit? You’re not helping the situation here.”

She grabbed her purse and dramatically slung it on her shoulder. “I’m going home. I can’t do this right now.”

“Good. Nice to know we still agree on something.”

He watched Gina’s car pull away from the front door then grabbed a can of beer out of the refrigerator. He sank into the brown leather recliner Lou left for him and placed the unopened beer on the end table. He looked at it a moment and considered that the descent to hell was far too easy. He called Lou and confessed to the DUI.

“Yeah, that’s embarrassing,” Lou said. “Although I would have told you about it right away.”

“Whatever.”

“Listen, that’s some pretty serious shit. Now, I won’t ever tell you that you should stop drinking entirely, but maybe you should slow it down some.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Besides, I’m drinking enough for the both of us out here. Thankfully, we have quality cabs in Chicago that only charge you fifty bucks for puking in them. Much cheaper than a DUI.”

“No fucking kidding. I’ll talk to you later.” He closed his phone, then put the can of beer back in the fridge.

✶

THE NEXT NIGHT, CHUCK WAS UPSTAIRS IN THE HOME OFFICE WHEN GINA STOPPED BY UNANNOUNCED. She startled him in the doorway; he shrieked, jumped and nearly knocked the Mac monitor off the desk.

“What the fuck…” he said as he composed himself.

“I just came by to get my things.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“I don’t want to do this with you, Chuck. Not right now. We should stop seeing each other.”

She turned and walked to the bedroom to gather the few clothes and toiletries she kept there. Chuck jumped up and once again almost knocked his computer off the desk. He remembered that Lexi was coming over and that he’d already flipped the room. In order for his two-timing to continue, he had to swap out each girl’s things whenever the other was going to be at the house. It was a meticulous task because he had to be sure to place toothbrushes and blouses and shampoos and soaps and lotions in the exact same manner in which they were left. When he stored the girls’ things, he had to take care not to bend, break, wrinkle or lose anything so neither would grow suspicious. He worked hard to avoid situations exactly like this one.

He sprinted past Gina in the hallway and beat her to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him. “Just hang on a second,” he told her. He dove into the walk-in closet and fished out Gina’s box.

“What the hell, Chuck?”

“Don’t come in! I’m… the room’s a mess. Hang on.”

“I don’t care about the mess.”

She opened the door and Chuck was standing with her box in his arms like a thief caught red-handed.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He thought fast. “I had a feeling you’d be by. I just wanted to make this easier for both of us.” He gently pushed her backward and out of the bedroom as he handed her the box.

“You knew I was going to break up with you?”

“I don’t want you to, but, um… yeah. But you know, you don’t have to, Gina. You’re mad. I get that. Why don’t you go home and we can talk about this tomorrow night.”

“Chuck, you’re a mess right now. You need a lot of support and help in order to get your life back on track.”

“I know. And I’m looking into getting the help I need.”

“That’s great. But I can’t be with someone who is in recovery or AA or whatever. I’m sorry. I just have too much going on in my own life. I can’t carry you, too.”

Her words crushed him. He thought they were selfish, mean. But Chuck understood them. He had let her down. He had become the one thing he never wanted to be: a problem. If he hadn’t been in a rush to get her out of the house before Lexi arrived, he would have fought harder to keep her. Instead, he walked her downstairs and saw her out. And just as her car pulled out of the driveway, Lexi’s pulled in.

“Who was that?” Lexi said as she walked inside.

“A co-worker.”

“What co-worker would be here this late? Looked like a girl.”

“Yeah, this girl Gina from sales and catering. She lives in the neighborhood and just came by to drop off some stuff for pre-shifts.”

“It couldn’t wait until morning?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. She’s strange. Totally could have emailed it since it was all on a thumb drive. Doesn’t matter. Wanna eat?”

He had become the world’s greatest liar and most horrible man. And he knew it.

✶

HE WASN’T LYING, HOWEVER, WHEN HE TOLD GINA HE WANTED TO GET HELP. Things had gotten far out of control. While a fair amount of the misery resulted by his hand, there was plenty that was not his fault. And that blame could only fall to the Universe, God or Mother Nature.

Chuck was never the person to shift blame or point fingers. He was a consumer of guilt and self-loathing for every mistake he made and every good deed he did not undertake. And that’s exactly the sort of thinking that got him where he was. He had made himself well known to collection agencies, IRS enforcers, Clark County clerks, billboard advertising attorneys and repo men.

Chuck still had a few thousand dollars left on his car loan when he stopped paying it. This initiated an incredible game of cat and mouse with the repo man. The tow truck was unable to take the car away while Chuck was at work because Tigris prohibited automobiles from being towed off the property unless the auto in question was entirely broken down or unquestionably abandoned. This was less a policy created out of kindness wherein Tigris was standing up for its deadbeat employees as it was an exercise in preventing violence on resort property. Because seeing a repo man towing your car away is cause to incite rage in even the sweetest of front-desk agents.

What Chuck’s repo man would do then is go to the house and wait in the street for Chuck to return. The first time Chuck saw the tow truck as he turned onto the street, he hit the brakes, slammed it into reverse and hightailed it to Lexi’s. He returned at 5 a.m. and, thankfully, the truck was gone. He knew this would be the new norm, so he devised a plan. He would disconnect the garage-door sensors that caused the door to lift back up when an object was in the way. He would press the garage-door remote in his car as he neared the house. Once the door was lifted, he would press the remote again to close the door. Then he’d gun it and whip the car past the repo-man’s tow truck, up the driveway and into the garage with no time to spare and no margin for error. As long as he ignored the phone calls, the doorbell and the knocking on the windows and the front door, he’d be good to go. A closed garage door meant he was safe.

The only problem with this plan is that Chuck didn’t know how to disconnect the garage-door sensors so he pried them off with a screwdriver. Other than that, it worked perfectly.

After three months of this, Chuck’s BMW, a car bought during better times and that symbolized success, was dead. He drove his cars hard, and Bimmers were not cheap to repair. If the dealer wanted its car back, the dealer could have it. He hoped the dealer didn’t mind that he’d run it into the ground first.

He rolled the car out of the garage and into the street. He caught a ride with Lexi to work then phoned the repo man.

“My car is waiting for you outside of my house on the street. It’s yours. You win.”

“I have to tell you,” the repo man said, “you’re the hardest repo I’ve ever had to do. And I’ve been in this business a long time. Job well done, man.”

“Thanks. You know where I can buy a new car? Something cheap.”

“Yeah, I imagine you’ll have a hard time getting a loan.”

“Probably.”

“If you can scrape together three hundred bucks, I can get you something. Not something good, but something.”

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

[auburnfamilynews]

#PoundTheStone has been the hashtag attached to Auburn softball’s social media posts throughout the season. Yet, the Tigers have done anything but that since entering conference play. The hitting has progressively deteriorated to the point that Auburn is almost completely unrecognizable at the plate. Along the way, Auburn’s record has dipped to 10–11 after losing three straight series. And, the Tigers haven’t won a series at home since the first SEC trio of games against Texas A&M back on March 15th. 

To say the 2019 SEC schedule results thus far have been a disappointment would be putting it mildly. Although the Tigers won the series against Tennessee in Knoxville, they have dropped series to Kentucky and South Carolina. Two years ago that scenario would have been deemed unfathomable by a Clint Myers-led squad.

Even the series loss against Florida this weekend isn’t acceptable because this Florida squad is a far cry from the typical, perennial Top 10 Gator teams. The lone thing Florida has going for it is all-world pitcher Kelly Barnhill, who has been a stud pitcher for Florida for four years. The Gators aren’t the same at the plate or the field nor is Barnhill quite the same as she was because there is no relief pitcher or part-time starter to spell her.

However, she completely dominated Auburn over the weekend, despite the Tigers taking a win in game two. While only scoring three runs all weekend, two runs were enough to win Saturday’s game two after the Gators smoked Auburn 7–0 in game one. Barnhill was perfect in game-one’s no hitter. She gave up three free passes but tallied ten strikeouts. The Gator defense stood tall behind her, having no errors.

Ashlee Swindle got the game-one start, a role she assumed after Makayla Martin’s injury. She’s allowed at least four runs in those opening games and has given up seven runs in the last two games. Of course, the story is about Auburn’s bats, which remained ice-cold. There is nothing else that can be said other than Barnhill was hot, Auburn’s bats were not, and Florida made the most of its scoring opportunities. 

The lone bright spot was game-two’s walk-off, 10 inning win. Chardonnay Harris went the distance, piling up 17 strikeouts. She allowed just one run and five hits, a stat which is simply astounding. Harris now has a 1.10 ERA, second only to Makayla Martin, whose postseason availability is looking more and more doubtful.

In game two, with the winning run on third base, Florida’s coaching staff elected to intentionally walk Kendall Veach to get to Casey McCrackin. The move backfired when McCrackin hit a deep sacrifice fly ball that scored pinch runner Makenna Dowell from third for a walk-off win.

However, the situation wasn’t without drama. Florida appealed that Veach, not Dowell, had left early (which she had) and had failed to tag up. The ball made its way to first base to double off Veach and provide the third out of the inning. Of course, the ruling favored Auburn as Dowell had scored well before the third out. Still, it was a serious base-coaching error, and one that should never have put the game in jeopardy. 

Game three’s rubber match included yet another head-scratching call by  second-year coach Mickey Dean. After Lexi Handley got the start, she performed as she’s done almost every time she’s seen the circle. She immediately walked the first hitter, air mailed a wild pitch, and walked two more before Dean put Swindle into the game. And, just as it has happened time and time again, the opposing offense took Swindle to the woodshed. This time with the bases loaded and a 1–1 count, Florida’s Roberts pounded the stone to center. Auburn was out of the game in the first inning, and Florida went on to take the series.

There are some troubling things afoot for Auburn softball. The Tigers are in serious jeopardy to fail to host a regional with only a series against Arkansas ahead, which is shocking. If that happens, Auburn will have failed for two straight years to host regional play while hosting super-regionals was the norm under Myers.

Obviously, pitching has been an issue for the Tigers. Teams have shelled Ashlee Swindle in game one of multiple series.  Dean continues to go to Lexi Handley, whose control issues are mystifying for a college player. Meanwhile, Harris has been impressive yet unable to earn multiple appearances. 

The Tigers close out the regular season in Fayetteville this weekend. First pitch will be at 6:00 p.m. on the Auburn Sports Radio Network with ESPNU broadcasting Saturday’s 5:00 p.m. game.

The post The Kingdom of Heaven Is at Hand! appeared first on Track 'Em Tigers, Auburn's oldest and most read independent blog.

from Track 'Em Tigers, Auburn's oldest and most read independent blog http://trackemtigers.com/auburn-softball-drops-series-to-florida-extends-streak-to-three/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=auburn-softball-drops-series-to-florida-extends-streak-to-three

[makingscipub]

Framing cloning: Dolly and the monkeys

In 1999, three years after Dolly the sheep was born, we published an article on the way that cloning was then framed in the public sphere. The cloning of two macaque monkeys by Chinese researchers (Cell, 2018), more than two decades after the cloning of Dolly might be a good opportunity to look again at how cloning is being framed in the public sphere today and to see whether anything has changed or not.

That would however involve a lot of work, work that goes well beyond a single blog post. In this post I will only highlight some initial thoughts that struck me when looking at the old article and at some of the news that’s been generated by Hua Hua and Zhong Zhong, the cloned monkeys. I shall not go into the science and ethics of this achievement, as others have done this much better than I ever can.

Reading through the old article again, several things struck me.

Familiarising through fiction and fact

When framing the cloning of Dolly the sheep, scientists and journalists had to contextualise this event somehow; they had to use something familiar to talk about something unfamiliar. To do this, they anchored the cloning of Dolly to ‘common knowledge’ about cloning. This itself was, at the time, rooted in some early cloning science, some early ethical reflections, but mainly in science fiction.

As David Rorvik wrote in his controversial book In his Image: The Cloning of Man (1978): “Like a red flag, cloning would alert” (and in fact it did and still does) “the world to the awesome possibilities that loomed ahead and thus serve as a catalyst for public participation in life and death decisions that might otherwise be left by default to the scientists.” A nice description of ‘Responsible Research and Innovation avant la lettre (although the book itself wasn’t!).

Today’s journalists, science writers and bloggers, writing about the cloned monkeys, can make this now not so unfamiliar event more familiar by not only referring to little known science and ethics as well as well-known fiction, but also by framing it with reference to Dolly the sheep. This cloned sheep has become a familiar icon of cloning, carrying a lot of conceptual baggage in terms of science and ethics, fears and fantasies. It would be fascinating to see how Dolly is used rather than (or in conjunction with) science fiction to engage with people anew with cloning.

Framing animal and human cloning

In one of the first paragraphs of the old article, we refer to a then hot-off-the-press MA thesis by Alan Hodgson entitled “Undressing Dolly: A clone’s 12 months gestation period in the UK press” (1998) (but we don’t go on to quote from this thesis, as I’ll do now). In his synopsis, Hodgson writes: “The most striking facet of the UK press ‘agenda-framing’ in light of sheep Dolly is that immediately the press extrapolated the result of ‘cloning’ one sheep to the potential applicability of the technology to humans.” (p. 5)

This is exactly what’s happening again now, but more forcefully, as we are dealing with the cloning of primates. However, since Dolly, lots of rules and regulations have been established that prohibit human cloning. It would be interesting to see how these are referenced in the news articles.

Hodgson goes on to point out: “The framing therefore quickly centred on four initial questions, ‘Can the technology be used on humans?’, ‘Will it happen?’, ‘In what circumstances?’ and concomitantly ‘Should it happen?” (p. 5). Again, that’s what’s happening now, it seems. A more thorough analysis of the news could try to ascertain whether these questions are still being asked, or whether other questions have emerged.

Hype and collusion

Then Hodgson makes a rather astute observation: “… commentators became imbricated not only in the process of actually weighing the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ of human cloning but also in constructing a social need for it.” (p. 5) At this point I should really stop writing this blog post! But, of course, I won’t.

The issue of colluding in hype is however something that we commentators, including social scientists, should really think about. Instead of constructing a social need for looking at the threats of human cloning, commentators should perhaps distance themselves from such constructions, as some are already doing.

When looking at our old article, I found an interesting paragraph: “If policy makers had appreciated just how much a long-standing tradition of fiction relating to cloning and genetic engineering had prepared the ground for the discussion of the facts of the genetic revolution, a more self-conscious rhetorical distancing of genetic science from genetic fiction might have made possible a more open public debate.” This is something that people writing about the cloned monkeys might also want to think about with relation to what some call ‘ethics hype’.

Questioning assumptions

Two decades after Dolly knowledge and understanding of cloning is still sparse and probably still largely dependent on fiction, conventional metaphors and unquestioned assumptions.  Just take a look at this expression of caution: “But even if it were safe, many researchers say there are many other reasons to never try. ‘Cloning one individual in the image of another really sort of demeans the significance of us as individuals,’ says Dr. George Daley, dean of the Harvard Medical School. ‘There’s a certain sort of gut sense that it violates sort of natural norms.’”

This gut sense seems to overlook that there are millions of clones, namely identical twins or even triplets etc., that already roam this planet. I am one of them and I have never felt that my dignity was threatened by my clone! (I should point out that clones which result from egg-splitting are not technically the same as clones that result from somatic cell nuclear transfer, but that does not distract from the point I want to make about dignity)

And, of course, as people said over and over after Dolly was born: the technical and physiological hurdles are still too great to successfully clone humans; there is no real need given the availability of other reproductive technologies, etc. As some have stressed, we are really not dealing with a “Never Let Me Go scenario – the science fiction novel in which human clones are created for spare organs”, a scenario so widely discussed 20 years ago. As a New Scientist ‘Leader’ says: “The ethical debate is very much alive, but clones are not where the action is – at least for now.” I’ll check back in another 20 years….

Some initial impressions of news coverage

To get a rough, very rough, impression of the media coverage of this new cloning event I went to the data base Lexis Nexis. I searched for ‘clone’ Or ‘cloning’ and checked out All English Language News (between 24 and 26 January). I got 738 hits (on a high similarity setting). I then searched within these results for ‘human’ and got 440 hits. I did the same for ‘Dolly’ and got 393 hits. So quite a substantial number of articles discussed the very distant possibility of human cloning and quite a chunk of articles used Dolly as a reference point. With respect to the former the articles are not much different to articles written when Dolly was cloned; with relation the latter they are, of course, quite different.

There were quite a few headlines playing with words and connotations relating to monkeys, such as this Sun headline for example:

What about science fiction? Searching for ‘science fiction’ gave me 25 hits. Not a lot! And no results for ‘scifi’. ‘Gattaca’ was, surprisingly, not used as a reference point and ‘Brave New World’ only twice, same as ‘Frankenstein’ (however, ‘Frankenscience’ makes its appearance six times, based on a quote from PETA). The 1978 cloning film ‘Boys from Brazil’, which made quite an impression on people discussing Dolly at the time, was mentioned twice. There is one reference to ‘opening Pandora’s box’, but ‘slippery slope’ is used 39 times.

What about novels written after Dolly, such as Never Let Me Go, mentioned above, a  2005 dystopian science fiction novel by Nobel Prize-winning British author Kazuo Ishiguro? This is referenced 15 times. Still not an awful lot.

Skimming the headlines, it seems that most news items report the cloning as a scientific fact. Quite a few voice ethical concerns and fears about human cloning. But there are also some that sound more positive and focus on this advance opening up new avenues for research or offering hope in finding treatments for degenerative diseases.

Overall then, science fiction seems to be backgrounded 20 years after Dolly while science seems to be foregrounded. However, the questions asked still seem to be very much the same as two decades ago. More research needed! Anybody up for it?

Images: All images of the monkeys were copyright protected. So I couldn’t include any. Dolly: Wikimedia Commons: Image: Wikimedia Commons: Pvasiliadis, ‘Everybody is Dolly’ graffiti at Thessaloniki, Ermou Str., 19 January, 2010. Sun Headline: photo, 26 January, 2018.

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[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 4 “We Dancin“ - Mitchell

Zakriah seemed convinced Aromal would flip to Linus since they're both from Wikia... where I played and I had no idea Linus won there???? Wtf!! But whatevs. Anyways, it looked like he did, and both Monty and Linus are safe with Lily going home. Even if I don't fully trust Monty/Karen/Lexi, I do know that I know Monty more than I know Lily, so inherently I trust him more and hopefully we just keep on ousting rookies until then. 

MEANWHILE they just had tribal but my ass is like ! it's a new round !! And I got a clue last time gabbin about some toxins. And I don't know where I'm gonna find dangerous toxins, in the volcano or the lagoon?? Well let's find OUT

Well fuck, that was a mess. I had been unsure about my spot before this tribal and now I know I'm at the bottom, maybe I should have let it go to rocks but I would have been so bitter if I went home. But, at least my debate about working with Linus is officially over because its very clear I can't trust him, I mean I'll work with him because I don't have much of a choice but he's definitely someone I want gone now. I respect his moves and shit and I'd do the same in his position but its VERY obvious he's dangerous. I MISS JACOB. Gotta be a try hard now and do my best to make sure we don't go to tribal again cause I'll probably be next.

So I go searching for the Idol and you know what? When they say someone's looking for an Idol, I'm gonna own up to it. Let's destigmatize Idol searching. If we make it casual and normative, we're creating a more open and honest tribal environment - even though I didn't find the Idol, I found something better, which was a more united tribe. The less paranoid we are about things like Idols the more time we can spend getting to know each other; if we're taking the game casually, it's going to be better for our mindsets moving forward. Familiarity is good for us to have in this game, and if we're familiar with each other, when there's another inevitable swap or merge, you're gonna stick with who you feel familiar with. Open trusting tribe = open trusting alliance, to some degree.

And ANYWAYS I just found ANOTHER clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol. This one basically says that it's in the plane wreckage... but in our cute vets Idol searching doc, someone marked off that the Idol wasn't there. Sneaky sneaky! I don't know, these two clues seem to conflict with each other, but it's definitely disconcerting to have a clue that basically says it's somewhere where we've already searched and nobody's stepped up to it. I mean, if I'd found it, I wouldn't tell everyone about it, but... I didn't find it. Someone else might've. That changes a lot - it's better to be on the outside looking at the person who might've found the Idol than on the inside not knowing that everyone else knows.

The game continues to move. All I can do is to continue to develop bonds with these people and trust that, in three or so days, I'll get some confirmation when I go and search that plane wreck myself. This is quite bonkers.

In this other game I'm in with Aromal we just blindsided this guy together and then that guy deactivated but Aro thought he blocked him and he goes "whew I wasn't tryna get blocked by TWO people i blindsided in one night" so S H O O K LILY FUCKING BLOCKED HIM lily is whitney duncan and aromal is cochran confirmed rkoghkwdjfklf hold me back I'm wylin

These challenges keep getting harder and harder what the heck. Like I'm trying but I'm just not fast enough, and right now we're in the lead, but we really need to keep this up so that I'm not voted out.

What was this tribe doin in this challenge before me?? bupkiss!! their asses were GRASSES!! and then i STARTED gettin into this challenge and you know where we at now???? a 22-point first place to a 16-point second and a 12-point 3rd with 2 and a half hours left to go. i rest my CASE.

my first ever tumblrvivor individual immunity was a speedtyping challenge after jimmy went home, so i really felt like i NEEDED it and i fucking - oops now it's 22-17-12... the last time this happened i SCORED mid-confessional FUCC - DOMINATED IT!!! and it's not as dominant this time, but i'm still leading my tribe to victory here, especially when ur considerin that two tribes are winnin and not just one. we'd have to lose the next 17 consecutive points without gaining a single one to lose and I just don't see that happening.

we dancin, and the longer we continue to dance, the less time i've got to worry and the more time i've got to build bonds with people. they're gonna see my value to this tribe and, the next few days, i'm gonna get the chance to sink my personal value to them individually even further. i'm COCKY and with SOME RIGHT to be and we gon DANCE all night LONG

Y'know, when I said I would be a try hard during this challenge, I didn't think would be on my own for 80% of it. So glad everyone but Aro could help out during the last two hours. Now, I have to see if I can get them to flip on Aro or vote out Daisy rather than me. 

Mitchell did so good in that last immunity challenge like he's the reason we won omg. Also Mitchell is such a cool person like he'd be one of the vets that I would want to work with but I don't wanna tell him that bc he seems to be in the majority with the other vets idk.

It's been a while since I did one of these and so much stuff has happened!

For starters, I'm really happy with my spot in Temoana. We've won the last two immunity challenges, everybody's active and trying, and I'm in a solid and most likely loyal three-person alliance with Johnny and Jacob. Ryan/Matt are really cool and I could see the five of us working together at merge. Six if Lexi decides to stop being inactive.

But I wonder just how long we can keep this immunity streak going. If Lexi shows back up, it's gonna be a 3-3 at the first tribal we go to. That never bodes well and honestly, either one of us 3 could get votes. I'm completely unsure what to think here.

Another day safe in the game, another day closer to the end!

So we lost that last immunity. Again. Which is great, because I have barely any idea where I stand with anyone. After Aro flipping on us, everything is a little sketchy. He said it was because Lily kept throwing out his name as a decoy without telling him, which seems like a shit reason to flip. I mean, if it happened a bunch of times, sure. But it only happened once, which kind of shows how paranoid he is and how easily he'll give up his alliances. I really wanted the newbies to come out on top, but that doesn't seem like an option anymore. I'm pretty sure he's aligned with Linus. I don't think he is, or at least not as strongly, with Monty. I talked with Monty a bit and it kind of seems like right now everyone feels a little bit on their own and confused with their standing. Even Aro said he still wants newbies out on top, and we should go for a vet, but I don't trust him. L.A. and I want him gone ASAP. He's just not trustworthy, plus he barely helped in the last challenge without even giving an explanation. I know I was barely there, but I explained before that I had to go to seder which is something I really can't get out of. Plus, I did the most work in the last challenge. Monty and I agreed we want to work together, and he thinks Aro is a good decision too. I think Linus is on that page too and L.A. definitely is. I'm being a bit wary because anyone could be lying to me, but I really hope this goes as planned, and that I'm not blindsided. I really do want to work with Monty, I think we could go far together but he might not trust me after voting for him last tribal. So we'll see what happens.

Well, after heading into the immunity challenge, seeing Lily gone, and KNOWING that she had the idol is really making me worried. I wouldn't be too surprised if Daisy ended up going home next, because I'm sure Daisy was one of the three votes to keep Lily, and I know that Daisy isn't the BEST when it comes to talking game with people, and having game awareness, so that's also really not working in her favor.

As for the immunity challenge itself, DAMN that was tough. I didn't want to seem like a try hard to the other tribe, but I honestly think I got about half of our points, I didn't really go back to check after the challenge was over, but I wasn't there the whole challenge, which hopefully made people not notice me too much, but I am thrilled we won immunity. I need our tribe to not go to tribal for just a little bit longer so I have time to prepare.

As for the Temoana tribe? I've still got Luca, Jacob and I as a tight three, and I don't see us breaking up, especially considering the fall of the rookies happening on the other tribes. Lex has been pretty fucking quiet, even though I continue to try to talk to her. She participated in yesterday's immunity challenge, but I don't think that she got one point for our team. Didn't she win a main already? What's up with this girl?

I've just made a tight New Jersey and Ginger connection with Ryan, but not only that.. I really like the guy. I think he's cool, and the fact that he really hasn't done well in games lets me think that he's going to do a lot of things to make sure it isn't the same this time as it was last time.

Matt has been pretty quiet, and at this point, I've just been doing mini prayers that we get to merge with at least five rookies still in the game. I'd love for those to be Luca, Jacob, Willow and myself, maybe with a splash of Daisy, but I don't see many high hopes for her going later in the game.

My game plan going forward? Get to another swap and make more solid connections with more vets. I think the merge is going to be crazy, and I really need to begin to start working my social relationships, while fading into the background, and I honestly think I can do it, on top of my killer personality, and trying to not be super intense when it comes to comps, hopefully I won't be seen as a threat for awhile, and my social connections can keep me going for a long long time in this game. I'm in it for the long haul, and I'm not going to go down without a fight, if that's what it comes down to...

Hi! So my plan is to still stick with Monty and Linus. Me and Linus are pretty sure either Daisy or LA has an idol, so the plan is to dupe them into thinking we're voting Daisy and then actually vote out LA. Hopefully everything works out ^_^

Well, wow, last round freaking worked  and Lily was maaaad which was pretty funny. Im worried this time around, L.A and Daisy know they are at the bottom, but like,  they aren't as nervous as they should be. The main reason for this confessional is so L.A can read it after the game though. I play this game aggressively, and it was a very hard choice for me to vote how I am. I think in the short time we spent on a tribe you have become one of my favourite people I've ever played with, however every single ounce of logic tells me that I have to vote you this round. I hope you end up reading this after the game so you know that I genuinely am sorry for this, and I hope we can stay friends down the line no matter what happens. You did amazing for your first org, and this was almost completely out of your hands, so I hope you play again in the future because I know you will completely crush it. You don't deserve this vote at all, but it's the only thing that makes sense for my game since I can't betray my alliance, and they aren't willing to vote Daisy out of risk of an idol. :( 

Im getting weird, very quiet vibes :/ . I don't like it one bit.