#now the question is who’s the bi-curious and who’s the virgin?

[captain-shortyyy]

i saved a picture of cynthia and gil to the wrong section on pinterest and this was the result:

i mean…i think it’s pretty accurate

[lolastrniolo]

CURIOUS / C.S.

summary: your best friend chris wants to know what it’s like to eat pussy, why not just let him try?

contains: smut, oral (f!receiving), switch!chris, switch!reader, bi!reader, virgin!bsf!chris, innocence corruption, p in v, unprotected sex (dont do that..)

wc: 1.9k

a/n: english is not my first language and i’m a beginner <3

you were sat against chris’ headboard in his bed, scrolling away on your phone - like you usually do when hanging out with him - when chris speaks up. “okay, totally random… but like, i really wanna know what eating pussy is like.” your eyes immediately snap to his face, staring at him wide-eyed. “what?” you two never really talked about stuff like this, so hearing the words come out of his mouth was more than a surprise to you.

you turn your body to lay on your side, facing him, your right arm propped up to hold your head. “yeah. i mean- i haven’t done anything with girls, and i just can’t help imagining what it would be like, what it would taste like…” your attention is fully set on him as he licks his lips, “i know you’ve eaten girls out before, what is it like?”

“well, i like it. it makes girls feel good. i like it when they squirm and shake, it’s kind of a confident boost, if you’re good at it, of course.” chris nods his head as you explain, letting his tongue run along his luscious lips. “it sounds fun, i don’t know if i’d even be good at it, but, i wanna try it sometime.” his eyes are avoiding yours, and he’s awkwardly fidgeting with the sheets. “so do it” you shrug, a smirk tugging at your lips. “yeah, as if i know any girls do do that with. they’re either a fan of me or i’m not their type.” he laughs.

“you’re my type, and i’m not a fan of you.” you give him a look, shrugging and raising your eyebrows. chris’ jaw drops as he sits up, his eyes widening. “really? you’d let me… eat you out?” his eyebrows are raised, he didn’t expect you to be okay with that, especially since you’re best friends and all that.

“wouldn’t that make things kinda awkward between us?” he questions. “no, who cares? you’re curious, and i’m not turning down an opportunity to get eaten out by a guy like you, so what if we’re best friends? it’s a one time thing anyways.” you bite your lip. you can’t deny the wetness growing between your legs, the thought of your best friend’s face between your thighs turning you on immensely.

“okay, let’s do it.” he shrugs, “one time thing though, i’ll probably suck at it anyways.” he laughs while he slowly scoots over to you. “maybe, maybe not. we’ll see.” you roll onto your back as he hovers over you, his legs between yours. his arms are pinned beside your head, his face now inches away from yours.

“well, let’s start with this then.” he hesitates a little, but then finally closes the gap between you two, his lips colliding with yours. you instantly relax into the kiss, your hands snaking around his neck. his lips are soft, slowly moving against yours while he lets out a soft moan. your tongue runs along his bottom lip, seeing if he’d wanna take it a little further. he instantly parts his lips, inviting you in.

he finally breaks the kiss to look at you, “never thought i’d be kissing my girl best friend.” you both laugh. he slowly moves down your body, trailing kisses along your neck. he might’ve never gone any further than a make-out session, but it seems like he knows exactly what he’s doing. he lightly sucks on your neck, your hands grip at his hair as you let out a quiet moan. his fingers slide along the hem of your shirt, “can i take this off?” he asks, eyes locked on yours. you nod and help him pull the shirt over your head, revealing your lacey red bra.

his hands roam your body, every shy bone in his body seems to have disappeared. his fingers loop into your shorts as he leaves a trail of kisses down your body. he looks up at you to ask for permission, and starts slowly pulling down your shorts and panties when you give him a nod. “jesus, you’re soaked. really?” he chuckles, his face now aligned with your dripping pussy.

“sorry, just haven’t been touched in a while. you turned me on with that kiss, i can’t lie.” he laughs at your words as he wraps his arms around your legs. “i have no clue what i’m doing, please tell me if it doesn’t feel good.” he says. you nod at him, your hands running through his brown hair. he starts kissing your thighs, leaving the place you want him the most untouched.

after he’s done teasing you, he finally attached his mouth to your pussy, his tongue running along your folds. “fuck!” you tug at his hair, throwing your head back and arching your back off the bed. he eyes are locked on your face, making sure he’s making you feel good. you moan as he works his tongue on your pussy, your grip on his hair tightening every time he runs his tongue along your swollen clit.

he attaches his lips to your sensitive bud, slowly sucking on it as he flicks his tongue. “chris! mmm, don’t stop…” you moan. “does that feel good?” he asks, his voice hoarse and low. “yes, yes yes yes yes…” you trail off, the pleasure completely taking over your body and mind. he’s surprisingly good at this, considering he’s never done this before.

chris’ hips grind into the bed beneath him, soft moans leaving his lips. he has absolutely no time to think about the fact that you’re his best friend, all he knows is that he’s rock hard, and it’s all because of you. he loves this. he loves hearing you moan his name, he loves the way you taste.

“can i put my fingers inside you?” his eyes are filled with lust as he looks up at you, wanting nothing more than to make you cum on his face and fingers. “mhmmm” you nod frantically, “please”. chris easily slides two fingers into you, reattaching his lips to your clit. “oh fuck, chris!” you moan as he curls his fingers inside you. “just like that, don’t- don’t stop…”

and he doesn’t. his fingers work faster inside you, his tongue flicking over your clit at an even higher speed than before. “holy shit, holy-” your words are cut off by a loud moan leaving your lips, chris’ own moans sending vibrations through your body. your legs begin to shake, your eyes rolling back. “oh god, chris! i’m so close. f-fuckkk… gonna cum all over your face.” chris moans at your words, grinding his throbbing dick even harder into the bed, desperate for some sort of relief.

“cum for me”, he rasps, he’s obsessed with you. he’s obsessed with the way you taste and the way your legs shake around his head. you finally release, moaning chris’ name over and over. his tongue slows down and he slowly removes his fingers when you come down from your high.

he sucks your juices off his fingers, moaning at the taste. he kisses his way back up your body until he’s hovering over your face again, panting while he looks into your eyes. “holy shit, that was so fucking hot.” he says, before crashing his lips onto yours again, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. the kiss is even more intense than the first one you shared, chris’ body completely pressed to yours as he moans into the kiss, his hands roaming your body, and you love it.

you flip the both of you over so you’re straddling him, hands tugging at his hair while you grind your naked body over his hard cock in his pants. “i take it you liked it?” you giggle. “yeah.” he nods, “fuck, i’m rock hard.” you laugh at the astonished expression on his face. “was it okay?” he asks, genuinely curious. “are you kidding? you think i always moan that loud or cum that hard?” you smirk, before slowly leaning in, letting your lips graze the shell of his ear, “ever wondered how it would feel to be inside me?” you whisper before biting your lip, your pussy grinding down on his hardness, making him moan.

“yeah, right now, and i’m about to find out.” he smirks, before crashing his lips back onto yours, his confidence now completely taking over his shyness. his tongue dances around yours, his hands are settled on your hips, guiding your movements. you moan into the kiss as you tug at his hair harshly, and chris lets you. “fuck, i need you…” he sounds desperate, his jaw hanging slack as he looks down at the way your pussy grinds on his clothed dick, a big wet patch showing on his sweats.

his hands reach around your body to pull down his sweats and boxers, you help him by leaning forward, your tits now pressed against his face. once his clothes are pulled down far enough, you sit back, letting your folds rub along his length which is laid flat against his stomach. he lets out a breathy moan as you grind on him, his head thrown back.

“feels good, hm?” you smile at him before taking off your bra, now fully naked in front of him. “oh god, yes… need to be inside you.” his hands cup your breasts, running his thumbs over your sensitive nipples. you reach between your legs to grab his cock and place it right at your entrance, slowly sinking down on him. he moans out at the unfamiliar feeling, “oh my god, feels- mph- feels so good..” he rambles.

“shit, you’re so fucking big…” his ego has definitely grown by now. you drop your head onto his shoulder as you slowly start moving up and down his cock, hands rested on his shoulders to situate yourself. chris’ moans grow louder the faster you move, his hands gripping at your ass. “oh god, don’t stop” he’s captured in bliss, the feeling of your tight walls around his cock is indescribable.

your rhythm starts to become irregular soon, growing more tired. chris notices, “tired?” he asks. you nod, a desperate expression on your face, brows furrowed. he easily flips the two of you around, gently throwing you on your back. he wraps his arms around your legs and starts fucking you harshly, more moans and heavy breaths leaving his lips.

“fuck, chris!” you yell, hands tangling in the sheets to try and ground yourself as he pounds into you. you feel your orgasm start to creep up to you, chris’ cock reaching places you could never reach yourself. chris’ hand reaches down, his thumb rubbing tight circles on your clit to get you closer to your high.

it doesn’t take much longer before your thighs start to shake and your eyes roll back, your orgasm crashing over you. chris finishes shortly after, pulling out and rubbing his hand along his length as thick ropes of white cum drop onto your stomach. his head is thrown back, moaning loudly as the last drops of cum shoot out from his tip.

he collapses on top of you, his hand resting on your waist and his face pressed onto your chest. you chuckle, running your hands through his sweaty hair. “that good, huh?” you smile.

“fucking insane. we’re definitely doing that again, fuck being best friends.”

yayyy second fic. i said i wouldn’t write another one but here i am, lol. hope u liked this!

→ MASTERLIST & TAGLIST !

[hainethehero]

(This is just a shortened form of a fic that I'm currently writing, based on my Sterek post-link below!) https://hainethehero.tumblr.com/post/636769782067298304/currently-writing-a-fic-for-this-keep-your-eyes

Bike Boys

"I know all the guys come here hoping Kate would be the one to check their vehicles. But I'm sorry, she's not in today." the raven-haired mechanic offered, a small smile softening his handsomely rogue-ish features.

Stiles snorted, shaking his head as if to say everything was fine. "It's nothin' man," he remarks, feigning nonchalance in an effort to look cool. "I actually prefer men working on my... engine."

And he so did not mean for it to sound so creepy but it came out wrong anyway, making him cringe as the mechanic- Derek- smirks in amusement. It should totally be illegal, looking that good in dark jeans and a dumb t-shirt, a damp stain on the neck of said t-shirt. The man stared at him with pale green eyes that sparkled in the evening sun like some kind of enchanted lake. Again, Stiles wondered for the fifth time that day, Am I attracted to guys?

He'd been on a campaign recently to find out if he was attractive to them, but hadn't really been focusing on the bigger issue at hand- which wasn't really an issue, he was just curious to know if he was sexually attracted to tall, dark and handsome. Derek had broken through all of his walls this far and if he were being honest, it wasn't a big deal. Stiles had never been found attractive to anyone from school yet, was totally a virgin and was bi-curious. Sure, he was a mess while this Derek-guy looked well put together... and why the hell would Derek want him anyway? He's a spastic teenager with pale skin and fragile bone and nothing much to offer but sass and sarcasm.

"Hey, any chance you're headed to that music festival in Barstow?" Derek asks, voice like honey over shards of ice. He's currently wiping his oil-stained fingers on an already dirty cloth. Stiles refuses to look at the way his biceps bulge beneath the short sleeve of his t-shirt. He couldn't torture his eyeballs like that.

"Uhhh... yeah actually. I was supposed to meet up with some friends there. Of course, as my luck always goes, my bike stalled and now I'm here... with you."

He panics at the sight of a perfectly arched brow. "Not that that's a bad thing! I'm really glad for the uhh... assistance."

Derek grins and goes over to a black and blue bike. Stiles follows because he's got nothing else to do. "This one here's a 1949 Harley Davidson panhead chopper."

"You trying to sell me another one because my bike's lost all hope for a fix up?" he jokes, secretly hoping that wasnt the case because he'd spent money on his Street Bob goddamnit!

Derek snorts and folds his arms, once again showing off those incredibly unrealistic-looking muscles. "Well, it's due for some major maintenance but I wouldn't call it a lost cause. And also, this chopper is mine. If we leave now, we could probably get to the festival in ten minutes tops."

Stiles feels a stroke of pleasure course down his stomach, pooling between his legs and making him tingle down there. He blames it on his stupid teenaged body. But, did this sexy motherfucker just say 'we'?

"Uh, so you're going too? That's- awesome..."

Derek chuckles softly and it shouldn't be so endearing but it is. "I was supposed to meet some friends there too."

"Well what time do you get off?" Stiles asks almost immediately and hates that he can feel himself blushing.

"When I'm done with my last customer of the day."

Stiles blushes even harder- seriously fuck himself. "Which is.... me."

Derek nods, "You comin?"

In more ways that one hopefully, Stiles thinks, totally hating that his mind had provided him with such a tact less joke. Here he was, in an auto shop, with a much older guy, who wasn't a douchebag and was weirdly friendly and a little reserved which... Stiles found incredibly hot. And oh God, was he going to be riding bitch on this man's chopper? Derek mounted the bike, waiting for him to get his head out of his ass and hop on behind him.

Apparently he was.

"What's even the mileage on this thing?" he chokes, making conversation to distract his heart from pounding out of his fricken chest with excitement. He mounts the bike, leaning back slightly so that Derek couldn't feel the weird heat his body was suddenly giving off.

"A hundred and twenty thousand," Derek answers casually, much bigger hands taking Stiles' arms and pulling it around his torso. The teen squeaks when he feels the hard, rippling muscles beneath his palms.

"Jesus, you get around huh?"

Derek glances back at him with a wink that has him instantly sporting a semi. "And it's not even street legal. Hold on tight."

Stiles is pretty sure at this point he wasn't gonna let go... ever, but he does as he's told. His heart races as the fresh wind of the open roads slices through his hair and holds on tighter to the warm body in front of him. He presses his cheek against Derek's back and closes his eyes, for once not second-guessing or questioning anything that was happening to him.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Twenty One

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

February 14th, 1999

Remy sighed. Another Valentine’s, another reminder that he was alone and couldn’t ever tell his parents why he never came home with any girlfriends. He hated Valentine’s for years, now, ever since he realized that his parents saw being gay as “bad” and that he wouldn’t be accepted if he brought home a boyfriend.

Toby had called briefly to say hi to his parents, but Remy didn’t get the chance to say anything. This sucked. He felt well and truly alone. Would there ever be someone out there who decided he was worth the trouble? He doubted it.

He didn’t even know why he was bothered. He didn’t want friends, so significant others were definitely out of the question. He just needed to focus on studying. Then maybe he could get out from under his parents’ thumb.

  February 24th, 2001

Remy couldn’t say he had been surprised by Emile’s reaction on Valentine’s Day. Honestly, he was more surprised that Emile said he still wanted to be best friends than the fact that Emile wasn’t interested. That had come out of left field, to be sure.

Lying on his back in bed, Remy contemplated the merits of getting up. He had no shifts today, which meant if he wanted to he could just sleep the entire day. But no, Emile probably wouldn’t like that, so he got up and out of bed.

He walked into the kitchen and sighed, looking around somewhat despondently. Emile had taken the weekend to spend time with his parents. A two hour drive both ways, Remy doubted he would ever be that dedicated to stay in touch with his family. But if Emile needed a break from him, well, Remy wouldn’t exactly blame Emile for that.

Of course, without Emile there, and no shifts at work, Remy was left with nothing to do, and he was restless. Too restless to even go help at the shelter. He’d be pacing around or getting caught in his own head and he definitely didn’t want to make the people at the shelter have a harder time than necessary.

He passed most of the morning just by pacing the apartment. By the early afternoon, he grabbed his coat and decided to walk outside, if only so that he didn’t wear a hole in the floor.

Time passed a little quicker as he explored the town. There weren’t a lot of places to go, but he was focusing more on the getting there, anyway. And besides, if he was going to live here a while, he may as well learn where everything was and how long it took to get there on foot, because affording a car wasn’t an option just yet.

He ignored when tears welled up in his eyes from the remaining grief he was getting from this whole situation. He ignored the utter ache in his chest when he thought about Emile’s smile. He ignored the braided string of anger, jealousy, and devastation when he thought about Emile’s affections going to someone else. Emile didn’t want him. He had to accept that and move on. And the sooner he got over it, the sooner he could have a different relationship. One with a guy who genuinely loved him, and wasn’t just trying to spare his feelings.

After a while, the sun had started to set and Remy’s stomach was snarling. He walked to the nearest fast food place, grabbed something quick to eat, and moved on. He found himself gravitating towards the buildings just off the college campus. He knew they were having parties virtually every night. Maybe he could find someone to take his mind off Emile.

Maybe he could drown his sorrows in alcohol. After all, that was what would happen if he drank, and he wasn’t known for his self-control.

He laughed. He really was messed up. He didn’t want to start abusing alcohol, especially when he wasn’t even twenty yet.

As he walked past most of the houses, he saw someone dash out of one of the doors. “Yo, Remy!”

Remy turned to see a guy who he didn’t recognize jogging up to him. “You are Remy, right? Emile’s friend?”

“The friend thing is debatable right now, but yeah, I know the guy,” Remy said.

“Thought so!” the guy said triumphantly. “The two of us share a psych class. I needed the credits in social sciences, and he seems to be really into that kind of stuff, and we kinda hit it off. He talks about you a lot, man.”

“Does he?” Remy asked, feeling like his voice was hollow but unable to do anything about it.

“Yeah,” the guy said. “He talks about you all the time, like he’s super proud of you. And according to him, you seem like a pretty cool guy. What has you wandering the streets tonight?”

“Emile and I share an apartment, and he’s visiting his folks today and tomorrow. I don’t like the silence in our apartment,” Remy said.

“You two...a thing?” the guy asked in a low whisper. “I don’t wanna out you, but I know he’s bi, and between the two of us, I’m questioning.”

Remy laughed. “No. I wish,” he said. “He’s cute, and sweet, and kind. But he’s not interested in me.”

“That sucks, man,” the guy said. “Name’s Theo.”

“Nice to meet you, Theo,” Remy said with a sigh. “Any particular reason you came out here yelling my name as you saw me pass by, or were you genuinely curious about why I’m on a walk?”

“Well, some of my friends and I are having a party in like, twenty minutes,” Theo said, pointing over his shoulder to the house. “If you don’t have anywhere to go, and you don’t want to be alone for the rest of the night, you’re welcome to hang out.”

Remy considered. This was a chance for him to make his own friends, do his own thing. He relied on Emile’s social circles too much, most of the time. His therapist Kim said he should get out more, find his own people. This could be his chance. “You know what? Sure, why not.”

Theo grinned and slapped Remy on the back, guiding him inside the house he and his friends shared. Just by looking at it, Remy could tell it was more of a fraternity than just a couple dudes splitting rent. One guy was hooking up speakers, another was working on making punch. Theo guided Remy to the couch.

They talked a little bit, mostly about Theo’s classes and how he was graduating next year. Remy nodded along, occasionally asking a question or two here and there.

People started to trickle in, and Theo went to grab a beer, but the two of them kept talking. Remy liked Theo well enough. He was sweet, but also a little cocky. He had the confidence to pull off anything he wanted, but the morals to keep him from just destroying anyone who came across his path, and Remy respected that.

As Theo drank more, his stories got more outlandish, causing Remy to laugh. The more they talked, the closer together on the couch they were. Other people would come and go from where they were sitting, mostly to use the other half of the couch to make out for a minute or two before finding somewhere else to continue.

Theo had his hand on Remy’s knee and was telling the story about how he first realized he might be bisexual because of some jock on the football team. Remy was laughing as Theo went into a rather in-depth description of the guy. The kind of guy Remy would have drooled over in high school. But as his laughter died down, and Theo was chuckling softly, he noticed they were close enough that Remy could feel the heat radiating from Theo’s body. He looked at Theo’s eyes, sparkling in the dim light from the kitchen. Theo was looking back at him, and both pairs of their laughter trailed off completely.

Remy tilted his head to the side, and Theo leaned in a little more, and their lips came together in a desperate crash. Remy’s lips moved in time with Theo’s, and Theo was laughing again, causing Remy to giggle, and as Theo wound up being more on top of Remy than anything else, Remy gently pushed him off. Theo was briefly confused, until Remy whispered in his ear. “Do you have your own room? Somewhere a little more...private?”

Theo grinned at Remy and nodded, grabbing his hand and guiding him upstairs. His room was at the end of the hall, and as soon as Theo closed the door Remy was kissing him again. He was wild, and desperate, and needed the distraction. “Tell me you have protection,” Remy murmured in between kisses.

“That, and lube, don’t worry,” Theo said, trailing kisses down Remy’s neck. “I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt.”

Remy was pulling at Theo’s shirt, desperate to feel a little more skin, to feel the heat radiating from his body. His build felt wrong, nothing at all like what he imagined Emile to feel like, but this wasn’t Emile. This was a one-night stand that neither of them needed to do anything about after the fact.

Theo pulled down Remy’s pants and Remy felt his heart leap into his throat. “Wait...wait,” he breathed.

A little reluctantly, Theo pulled back. “What’s up?”

“It’s...um...this is my...uh...”

“First time with a guy? Mine too, but I know how this works,” Theo said, moving back in to kiss Remy.

“No...no. Theo. Stop. It’s my first time. Ever,” Remy said.

Theo pulled back. “Really?” he asked.

Remy swallowed and nodded. “I’ve...like...done stuff by myself, but never with...with anyone else.”

“You’re a virgin,” Theo filled in.

“I...yeah,” Remy agreed. “And I’m a little...scared.”

Theo pulled back completely, and he scratched the back of his neck. “Oh. I don’t want you to be scared your first time, man.”

“I mean, isn’t that normal?” Remy asked.

“Nervous? Yes. Scared? No. You shouldn’t be scared about your first time, or any time after that, for that matter,” Theo said. “Pull your pants back up.”

Remy did so, turning crimson. “I’m sorry,” he stammered out. “I thought...I thought I could do this, I’ve seen it done often enough, but I just...”

“Hey, Remy, it’s okay,” Theo said softly. “Let me give you some advice. No matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, whatever? You shouldn’t be scared over having sex with someone. It’s something...super intimate. It’s seen as special in just about every culture out there. So of course, you’re going to be nervous when you do it with someone new, especially if you grew up in a strict household, or you had to find out that you were gay through the Internet. Nervous is normal. But you should never be scared. If you’re scared about having sex with someone, you’re not ready. And that’s perfectly okay.”

“What...what should I feel, then, for my first time?” Remy asked.

“Like I said, nervous is normal,” Theo said. “But your confidence should outshine those nerves. You should be sure that this is something you want, that you’re okay with sharing this part of you with someone else. That you don’t mind being vulnerable around them. And some people can be that comfortable with someone for a one-night stand. Some people can’t. And both ways are fine.” Theo put a hand on Remy’s shoulder. “When you’re ready, you’ll know. And whether that’s with a one-night stand or a significant other, whether it’s your first time or your thousandth, you should always feel sure of yourself.”

“I...okay.” Remy swallowed. “I really am sorry.”

“No hard feelings, Remy. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I can always find another guy...or girl. You just make sure you’re okay after this experience, all right?”

Remy swallowed but nodded. “Thanks. For the advice, and for being understanding.”

Theo nodded with a smile, and kissed Remy softly, one last time. “If you ever decide you want to have a little fun when you’re ready, feel free to stop by. Or, you know, talk to Emile and see if he can pass the message along, if it’s before the end of May.”

Remy nodded. Theo left the room, and Remy followed, breathing shakily. He had thought he was ready. He thought being a little scared was normal. But apparently, he needed more time. Theo said that wasn’t a bad thing, but it had Remy thinking. How would he tell when he was ready with someone? Who would that someone be? He had no remote clue, and that terrified him.

He left the party soon after, walking home alone in the cold night. He hoped that Theo had a good time tonight with another guy...or girl, like Theo said. Remy knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

[tox-city]

Ravishing, Aren’t You? John Laurens X Reader

I was asked by an anon not to continue my “Proud Bastards” fic.

Like, there goes weeks of writing. But hey, its fine. I was also asked by the same person to write a Laurens x Reader one shot where the reader is triplets with Thomas and Lafayette. Smut. Yay.

Please note this is my first time doing smut. so like.. yeah

Female reader & Bi John

Y/N Your Name

Y/N/N Your nickname 

***John's POV***

~~ Heavy Sex Scene in Movie~~

A/N Oh boy, prepare for sexual tension. Almost smut. Not that much sex, but a lot of detail. Basically I build up the tension...

 I hope it wasn't too much detail.

2135 Words.

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with this chapter. Consider it a gift for me not posting often guys.

888888888888888888

I couldn't pay attention to the scene playing in front of me. Nor was I aware that Y/N stole my popcorn. I could barely concentrate on the fact that her hand fit mine perfectly. No, my body wouldn't let me do any of those things. Almost all of my willpower was being fixated on the growing problem between my legs.

I was horny, there's no way around it.

Shifting in my seat, I forced myself to look at the screen; The two protagonists fell in love an were now becoming involved in a heavy makeout session. It would be wrong to say I was turned on at the sight of that, but I was. Not because I enjoyed watching others display their love for one another by making love, but because I imagined myself in a scenario like that with Alexandra.

Even before the kiss we shared.

I had never been more thankful for the dim lighting of the movie theater, or else Y/N/N would most likely notice, and who knows how she'd react. Maybe she'd think that I was hard because I was watching people strip down. Even if it was all staged movie shit.

I moved my hand down my thigh and rested my fingertips on my throbbing dick. Biting back a groan, I turn to face Y/N. She was taking in the sight of the man's body. From his regal face, down to his chiseled chest. I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous watching her flushed expression. That didn't help my cause at all.  I moved my hand down a few more inches, fighting the urge to palm myself right then and there. I decided on a compromise, I'd take care of myself later-- Preferably when there isn't a bunch of other people in the same room as you, as well as the source of your horniness.

Thank God no one was sitting beside either of us.

Y/N finally tore her eyes off of the dude and turned to face me. Or that’s what I thought. Y/N decided that, at this exact moment, she wanted to rest her head on my shoulder and place her hand on my thigh.  This was it, I thought numbly, it's over. As soon as her hand touches my erection, I'll  come and then she'll call the movie off.

The tips of her fingers grazed my dick. As soon as the two of them made contact, her right hand sipped down lower, intentionally touching me.

"Fuck," I had barely managed to spit out. Resting my head back, I moved my hand so hers had more room. Call me needy if you must, but every male has his breaking point when it comes to sex. I was so close, Y/N/N might as push me over the edge.

Y/N moved her hand with such skill, you would of never thought she was a virgin. I wanted nothing more than to take her home, but the damn movie didn't end for another hour or so.

As if reading my mind, Y/N purred in my ear, "We could always leave early, John. I'm not that all interested in how this movie ends."

To emphasize her point, Lexi gave my cock a harsh squeeze before kissing my cheek.

I raise a brow as I turn to face her, "Whatever you say, Darling."  

~*•*~

We left the theater in a rush, both eager to get to my car. The drive was silent and full of tension. She didn't dare pull any punches-- Should she of done that, I would of taken her in the damn vehicle. Alas, that couldn't happen, I didn't have any condoms in the car. I was not taking any sort of risk with Y/N.

One for her own health and body and second, her family would kill me. Especially her father and Thomas.

As I pulled up into the driveway, a thought suddenly dawned upon me: I'd be taking Y/N’s virginity. Shit, I really hope this works out.

Unlocking the car, we both got out and walked towards the house. Y/N/N grabbed my hand and nestled herself into my side.   As soon as I opened and locked the front door, I pushed Y/N against it. I dived into a kiss. She tilted her head to deepen the touch as my hands found their way to wrap around her waist. To my surprise, they fit together perfectly.

I grazed the bottom of her lip with my teeth, nipping here and there, until she opened her mouth slightly. Pushing my tongue inside, I was met with her own. I pushed mine in deeper, wanting how much of her mouth I could explore before I exploded.

Pulling away, I noticed her hands were intertwined in my hair. Letting them slip loose, she looked me in the eye, both of them gleaming with curiosity.

"Follow me," I said as I took her hand, leading her towards my room.

Finally, the front door long behind us, I let go of her hand and starting searching for a condom. I only had them because of health class. And Alexander, last time he was here with Eliza, he left a box for me (like I would use them) with a sticky note engraved with "Get some."   I knew how to put them on, as I had lost my virginity last year to some dude cheerleader that moved away over the course if the summer. I hadn't talked to him since the last time we hooked up; He blocked my number.

After searching for a long time, I had finally found them, hidden in my closet. Quickly, I slipped one on, pulled up my pants and turned to face Y/N. She was already struggling to unclip her bra.    It was one of those expensive lace ones. A deep shade of green lace held up her large breasts. She wore a D-cup, I think.

Smirking, I walked over to where she sat on my bed. Looking up, she still held her determined expression from earlier. Y/N stopped what she was doing to make eye contact with me.

Sitting down, I shook my head with a smile on my face, "C'mere, Y/N/N." I pat my lap.

She was quick to accept the idea as she obeyed and straddled my thighs. I felt the heat of her panties underneath her jeans. Just the thought alone made my dick twitch again, this time with the pressure of her sex kneading against him.

A moan escaped my lips as she rolled her hips like an expert.

"John," Was all she was able to whine, over and over again. Y/N’s tits shook from the movement, I thought I'd do them one better. I moved my hands from her waist to find the clasp at the back of her bra, with a strong tug, it opened.

Her breasts spilled out as the fabric hung loosely of her shoulders. Carefully, Y/N shrugged the garment off.

"Damn, Y/N." I breathed out as I reached to palm the nearest one. They fit perfectly in my hands-- Full, yet just enough room for me to massage them. I did precisely that; I wanted to test her-- Find her limits and then some.   I roughly played with the taut bead of flesh that stood up against my fingertips, desperate for the attention that I was giving the surrounding area.

"John, please," Y/N bounced down on my dick for the umpteenth time, trying to increase the pressure being applied to her delicate pussy. Meeting her eyes once more, I slipped my hand underneath her crotch, curious to know how much she wanted this.

I moved my hand to the front of her jeans, right where the button and zipper were. I took my sweet time undoing the two fasteners. As soon they were opened, Y/N started shifting in my lap, trying to get the pants off. Soon, we both managed to slip the jeans off her.

Y/N sat back down, now with the wet lace that covered her pussy pressing down on dick. She had no idea what the hell she was doing yet somehow this turned me on more. Maybe it was just idea of fucking a virgin.

"Get on the the damn bed," I growled in a voice that I barely recognized as my own. Thankfully, Y/N/N didn't question it. Normally she had argument for everything.

"Lie down," I said as she moved into position. Unzipping my jeans, I had to let out a sigh of relief as soon as my cock sprang free. It's been rubbing against the harsh material of both my boxers and pants.  Quickly, I slipped out of my boxers. I was near desperate when I saw Y/N lie down on my bed, looking sexy as fuck with her tits on full display and only a soaked strip of fabric covering her.

I walked over to her, and placed my hand on her leg. Moving it down, I was met with her deep green panties that matched the colour of her bra. Hooking my fingers around the rim of the undergarment, Y/N let loose a needy whine.

A small part of me wanted to rub small circles against her panties, seeing how far I could push her without entering her. Clearly that wasn't going to happen because the majority of me wanted to either eat her out or fuck her. And the amount of time I waited for this to happen was enough.

I tore of her panties without any hesitation. That left her completely naked to my gaze, whereas I still had my button down shirt on.  Taking it off, I climbed on top of her.

Squirming noticeably, Y/N looked me in the eye then later put her hands of my chest. Taking in a shaky breath, she broke her stare and closed her eyes.

"John?" She mumbled, head still down.

"Yes?"

"Could we, uh, could we ... ?" She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. I figured I knew what she was going with her question. I mean, it was her first time having any sort of sex; The furthest she'd ever gone with a guy was kissing, even then, it was on a dare.

"Go slow?" I offered, hoping that I could make her feel a bit more comfortable.

"Uh, yeah. Could we do that, please?"

I smiled, pleased with both her and myself. Her because she was willing to try something new and myself because I didn't rush her into anything.

"Of course, Y/N/N."

~*•*~

"Fuck, John," Y/N moaned as she came, clutching onto a fistful of my hair. This was maybe the third or fourth time she came over the course of the night. We had both decided that we could pick up the pace. I was going a bit faster than I was at the beginning.

It took her awhile to adjust to the sudden intrusion the first time, but other than that, it felt fucking amazing to be with her.

With a grunt, I came shortly after. I pulled out and faced her. A small smile painted her features.

"That was," she paused for a breath, "great. Amazing, I don't know what it was, honestly, but ... I liked it, John."

I smirked, "Well, I'm glad you liked it, Darling, but, uh, did you want to spend the night. I mean, it's like what, ten-twenty P.M.?"

Nodding, she looked around the room, "I'd like that, but, uh, I need to call home to tell my brothers where I am. You still have the extra bags of clothes I left here last time I came over, right?" She asked while looking for her phone.

"Yeah, yeah, it's in the closet, Y/N/N."

"Perfect,"

She kissed me quickly then opened the closet, got some of her clothes, took her phone with her, and left the room.

As she was calling home, I looked around my bedroom. There were fluids and the remains of Y/N’s orgasms left on the sheets. So, while she was phone , I took the liberty of changing the sheets on my bed as well as removing the condom I was still wearing.     I had just finished cleaning up when she walked back in, now in a New York themed pajama set.

"Hey,"

"Hey, so, can you, uh stay over?" I asked, wanting to know if I could have her stay for just a while longer.

"Yep, or at least I think. I couldn't really tell due to Laf's squealing." Y/N deadpanned while she put her phone away.

I shook my head with a smile of my face, "Oh really, who's he fangirling over this time?"

"Us,"

A/N Hello from the other side, first time writing smut of any type. I hope it wasn't too much detail.

2135 Words.

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with this chapter. Consider it a gift for me not posting often guys.

[unfolded73]

Kitchen Gossip (1/1) - schitt’s creek ff

Yesterday Jen Gunter published a piece in the New York Times celebrating the WAP, and so I guess somehow Jen Gunter and Cardi B led indirectly to this, the little fic that pushed me over 1,000,000 words on ao3. 

Rated Teen, 1452 words. David stumbles into some girl talk with Marcy and her sisters. (ao3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David picks up the pinot noir bottle and upends it over his glass and… nothing.

He can probably do without another glass of wine. If he stops drinking now, he’ll be stone cold sober by bedtime and will thus be best-positioned to seduce his husband, the fact that they are sleeping in Patrick’s childhood bedroom down the hall from Patrick’s parents during this visit notwithstanding.

A cheer erupts from the living room.

On the other hand, Patrick is going to be watching hockey with his relatives until late, and David’s got just enough of a buzz going that another glass of wine will make the next couple of hours much less boring.

He sets the empty bottle down and goes into the kitchen in search of another.

Marcy has wine bottles lined up on the counter, and David sets his glass down, grabbing one and peeling the foil away.

“Mom told me once that I wouldn’t be that interested in sex after menopause, but I’m not finding that to be the case,” a woman behind David says surprisingly loudly, given the topic.

He doesn’t want to whip around and stare at the person speaking, so he focuses on inserting the corkscrew and twisting it. He didn’t look over at the women clustered in the kitchen when he came in, but he’s pretty sure that’s Patrick’s Aunt Laura talking.

“Well, Mom was probably just as happy to have an excuse not to have sex. She never talked like it was something she enjoyed.” That’s Marcy talking now. About Patrick’s dearly departed grandmother’s sex life. Not a topic David expected to hear anyone talking about during this visit to his in-laws’ house. Or, you know, ever.

The women are giggling to themselves as David deftly extracts the cork from the wine bottle. “God rest her soul, but she may have thought the female orgasm was a myth.” He supposes, from context, that this is the younger of Marcy’s sisters talking. Jennifer. The short one who makes the Nanaimo bars that he’d be willing to commit unspeakable crimes for.

“Or she just didn’t want to let us in on the secret in case we ran out and lost our virginities in high school,” Marcy says, and the women laugh.

“It was too late for me by the time she started lecturing me about it,” Jennifer says as David fills his glass.

“David!” calls Laura, the oldest sister. Wincing, he turns around, expecting her to tease him for inadvertently bumbling into this private sisterly conversation. “Bring that wine over here; I need a refill.”

He does as instructed, shooting Marcy a look that he hopes is apologetic for intruding on her bonding time with her sisters. She smiles and waves her hand to dismiss his apology, and when he finishes topping off Laura’s glass, Marcy holds hers out as well. He ends up emptying the bottle, between himself and the three sisters who are gossiping in the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Laura says to Jennifer, “You could fill a book with the stuff that Mom didn’t teach us about sex.” Continuing as if he’s not still standing there. So David starts to turn and go.

“Did your parents teach you about sex, David?” Jennifer, the youngest, asks him. Her lips are stained red with the wine, and he’s guessing she’s had at least as many glasses as he has. Maybe more.

He tilts his head to the side and tries to answer honestly. “Mm. They weren’t shy about talking about sex around me. There wasn’t any shame about it. But ‘teach’ is probably the wrong word. They never sat me down and had a ‘talk’.” He makes air quotes with his one free hand.

Marcy and her sisters are hanging on his every word, nodding in sympathy, and it’s disconcerting but also kind of nice.

“When I was eleven, my mother had her hairdresser Evan talk to me?” He shudders a little. “I guess because he was gay and she I assumed I was too.” He waves his hand to try to shoo that memory away. “But it was kind of horrifying. In retrospect, not appropriate topics for an eleven year old.” He sips his wine.

“Did Mom tell you that oral sex was unsanitary?” Jennifer asks her older sisters.

Marcy raises her eyebrows. “I don’t think she ever mentioned to me that it existed.”

“I’m not sure which is worse,” Jennifer says, and then shakes her head. “No, mine is worse. It kind of gave me a complex about it. I had to get over the idea that it was dirty. The idea that no man would want to put his mouth… you know. Down there.”

David blinks, and wonders if he should try to slink away before these women (who include his mother-in-law) remember that he’s standing there listening to them talking about mouths and vaginas. But also, he has something to contribute to this conversation, and the alcohol has vanished the filter between his brain and his mouth.

“To be fair to your mother, the culture instills in women a lot of that shame. There are all these products telling women they don’t smell good or taste good or that they’re too wet or not wet enough…” Oh god. Did all of that just come out of his mouth? In front of Marcy?

But all of them are nodding at his sage words. “David, you’re so right,” Laura says. “I had to talk to my daughter about that. She’d gotten this idea that her labia of all things should look a certain way. From porn, I guess.”

“As if we don’t have enough pressure from the media about our visible body parts,” Marcy says, taking a big drink from her wine glass.

“I mean, you aren’t going to be putting your mouth down there on any women anyway, are you, David?” Laura slurs, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Well, not now,” he says, tipsy enough not to be offended by the assumptions of his… aunt-in-law? Is that a thing? “But I’m pansexual, so I enjoyed doing that in my day.”

Laura, meanwhile, is drunk enough to be unphased and unashamed. “Oh, I thought you were gay.”

“Well, it just goes to show you can’t make assumptions about sexual orientation based on how someone acts,” he explains easily. “My hockey-loving, beer-drinking husband in there only enjoys sex with men, while for me, gender doesn’t figure in to who I’m attracted to.”

Jennifer takes another sip of her wine. “I might have been bisexual…” She looks at David. “Or pansexual. If it had occurred to me to explore any of that before I married Eric.”

David smiles at her. “Your sexual identity doesn’t have to align with who you’re sleeping with. You can be bi or pan and still be in a monogamous relationship with a man.” He gestures up and down at himself, the dregs of his wine sloshing dangerously. “Case in point.”

She nods but looks uncertain. He wants to hug her and take her by the hand and guide her into the wonderful world of queer identities, because it’s never too late. Reining himself in from any inappropriate demonstrations of affection, David drinks and then looks down at his wine glass, surprised that it’s already empty.

“We need more wine!” Laura says, and she’s going over this time to open a bottle.

“So what did Mom tell you?” Jennifer asks Marcy.

Marcy sighs. “That I would regret it if I didn’t save myself for marriage. And that part of being married was, you know. It was the whole wifely duty thing.” She rolls her eyes. “Fortunately, I knew better than to listen to any of that.”

A part of David is intensely curious to know more, but he has just enough sense not to ask Marcy to elaborate. He holds his glass out to let Aunt Laura fill it.

“So your parents assumed you were gay and then you had to… what? Come out to them that you also liked women?” Laura asks.

David leans back against the counter and nods. “That is almost exactly what happened, yes.”

The women nod at him, the overly aggressive agreement of drunk people. “That must have been difficult in its own way,” Marcy says.

“Well, we all have our crosses to bear,” David says.

~*~

“How did you get so drunk, is the question,” Patrick says, putting a glass of water and a couple of headache pills on the bedside table next to David.

“It was your mother’s fault,” David groans. “She and your aunts were talking about your grandmother’s sex life, and things kind of went downhill from there.”

Patrick puts his hands on his hips. “Ew, David.”

[cometorub]

(SUB - 54) Take part? Click here! 

Do you want to remain anonymous?

Yes

How old are you?

18

What's your sexual orientation?

Bi

Your pubic hair?

Trimmed

Are you virgin?

No

How old were you when you first masturbated?

7

How did you discover masturbation?

Honestly just playing around and it felt good

How old were you when you had your first orgasm?

11

Can you tell us more about your first orgasm? How did it happen?

I was masturbating and just hit a climax and came

How often do you masturbate?

Almost every day

When was the last time you masturbated?

Today

Do you masturbate to any stimulus?

Kinda vague question

What do you think about?

A dominant figure whether that be a man or woman

What's the last thing you thought of or masturbated to?

Being fucked by a teacher

Have you ever walked in on or caught someone masturbating? (If yes, please tell us a little more about it)

Nope!

Have someone ever walked in on or caught you masturbating? (If yes, please tell us a little more about it)

Nope!

Have you ever had cyber sex?

Nope

Have you ever had phone sex?

Yes, it was with my first gf, I think I was 14?

Have you ever had a wet dream?

All. The. Time.

What‚ is your favourite method of masturbation? (i.e. Hands/Toys/Lotion/etc.)

Hands but now I’m moving onto lots of toys

Are you loud or quiet when you masturbate?

Quiet when I need to be but loud when I’m alone

Do you ever masturbate in pjs? If so what type and how?

I sleep naked

Do you ever touch any other part of your body whilst you masturbate?

Usually my nipples, just recently got into anal

Has anyone ever watched you masturbate live online?

Nope

Has anyone ever watched you masturbate in person?

Yes

Have you ever watched someone masturbate live online?

Nope

Have you ever watched someone masturbate in person?

Yes

Have you ever masturbated with someone? (Mutual masturbation)

Yes

Do you enjoy watching others masturbate?

Yes, boys and girls

Do you enjoy being watched while masturbating?

Yes

Who do you like to think about when you masturbate?

Usually whoever I developed a mini crush on at the time

Have you ever told them you think about them while you masturbate?

A few

Does anyone know you masturbate? How did they find out?

Well, everyone masturbates so it’s not really a secret...

Have you masturbated because your partner wasn't around to help? Where were they?

Of course

What is your most embarrassing masturbation story?

Accidentally cumming on a guy friend’s bed?

What is your funniest masturbation story?

I think the question before this qualified as slightly funny

Have you ever masturbated in unique or strange places? Or where do you do it?

In a church’s bathroom

Have you ever used something unique or strange to masturbate?

Toothpaste, it was HORRIBLE.

Is it easy for you to orgasm or do you have to work for it?

Depends on the day, I’ve came in 1 minute before and sometimes it might take me 2 hours.

What is the easiest way for you to get off?

Vibrator

Is there only one way you can get off? (i.e. Vaginal/Clitoral/Toy Use)

Clitoral, I fantasize about being dicked down but I’m actually too tight even for my own fingers.

Are you able to achieve orgasm through only non-conventional or indirect methods? (Breast Play/Hands-Free/Anal)

Not (yet)

Do you ever double penetrate while you masturbate?

Nope

Do you ever suck on a dildo, fingers or anything while you masturbate?

Yes!

Do you edge when you masturbate? (Get to the point of orgasm and stop repeatedly to enhance the experience)

Yes, and it’s magical.

What position do you typically masturbate in?

On my back or sides, sometimes while I’m taking a bath

How do you react when you orgasm, arch your back, pull faces? Etc

Arching my back and shaking.

Describe how an orgasm feels to you when you cum? If possible

Lightning striking your body.

Describe a typical masturbation session.

Taking half an hour to find the right porn video, masturbate, and time my orgasm to the best part lol

How long do you usually last?

20-30 minutes on average

What is the quickest you have brought yourself to an orgasm?

1 minute

What is the longest masturbation session you have had?

2 hrs

What are the most times in a day you have cum?

6? Times

How wet do you get? Do you leak fluids when you orgasm? (If yes, please describe)

Lots of fluids

If you are older than 35, how has masturbation changed for you over the years?

N/A

Do you want to tell us something more about your masturbation experiences? Say here

N/A

Are you sexually aroused taking this survey?

Yes

Are you going to masturbate tonight after taking this survey?

Probably

A girl? Masturbating or curious?... click here, take part...

This page wouldn’t be so good without all of you who come to read this, and take part! 🙏🏼😇Thanks for your support and answers! Reblog + share!

[illdesigns]

Sned me the best magnus headcanons you got cause I'm curious 👀

(rubs my gay lil hands together) AWESOME THANK YOU

i subscribe to “magnus is armenian” like a loooot of other people do because, i mean. what, am i gonna compare him to the virgin maga chud araya or chad leftist tankian? HOWEVER his name comes from his mother’s side of the family who are danish. he met a cool cousin named magnus one (1) time and was like “this is my personality now” and hammersmith comes from his mom saying that her side of the family were blacksmiths back in the day. i hc his original surname being karapetian and his birth name being something just. agonizingly mundane like fucking david or something. pickles helped him get his name changed because, well, he knows what’s up with that. knows some armenian and danish alike but really enough to like, call you an asshole or say you have nice tits.

magnus is bi with a strong preference for men, and will usually just casually hook up with women to poke away “does you is gay?” questions while forming actual emotional connections with any man who looks at him twice. it’s obnoxiously obvious for most people (Look At Him) but his friends are too polite to say anything.

hates being Known. like, any person who knows him well enough is someone who is not to be trusted. will tell two people who ask him a question two different answers, but will also absolutely spill his guts over a beer or joint or something. so he has a weird web of lies he keeps up with certain people and is generally hard to pin down because of it, but also has a few people who he got fucked up with and got a “good vibe” from that know his whole life story.

undiagnosed adhd with a huge problem with rejection sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction. anything that is mild criticism or anything that he thinks is mean will send him spiraling and angry for a long time (like idk calling him crazy? :3c) and he will just sit and live in garbage for far too long because if it’s not guitar, music, comics or some new hyperfixation he isn’t interested in doing it. this also leads into substance abuse issues to self-medicate, with a preference for depressants but he’s no stranger to uppers like cocaine either. has been in and out of various forms of rehab, treatment facilities and therapy for most of his life starting in his early twenties.

[itszephoria]

Saw this pop up and your followers ask you which ones they’re interested in. But people don’t really ask much when I post or they don’t ask the ones that might make you feel uncomfortable. And well, honestly I’m so bored that I’ve decided to break all the damn rules and just answer all the questions because I can. *shock horror*

So information dump on the ‘Be nosy’ that popped up in my feed today. If you’re interested.

Be nosy

1. What’s your sexual orientation? 

Straight. But maybe for the right woman I could sway but wouldn’t go so far as to call myself bi or bi-curious though.

2. What are you obsessed with right now? 

Obsessively obsessing about my health and how to get well and failing it all. Oh and anime movies on Netflix.

3. Ever done any drugs?

I do drugs everyday. But I assume this is referring to illegal. No and was strictly no up until recently. I now take marijuana oil on a regular basis for pain management. Also being stoned/high is not pleasant and I don’t understand why people would enjoy that as a leisurely pastime.

4. What piercings do you want?

I want to get my ears pierced again. Holes have closed up, but currently due to my health that’s not possible. I can’t even enjoy clipons :(

5. How many people have you kissed?

The massive number of 5.

6. Describe your dream home.

It’s tiny in the sense it has all the space I need. A cosy tiny-like home. But not one on wheels, fixed to the ground. And it would be made of all natural materials, stone and wood. It would be unique and resemble something out of a fairy tale. It would sit a beautiful clearing with only nature to view in the distance and all the animals and wildlife would stay well away because I’m pretty much terrified of all it, 

7. Who are you jealous of?

Healthy, painfree people. I am jealous of past me who didn’t realise how lucky she was and miss her.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

I don’t binge any show on repeat. I’d rather look for a new show to watch or enjoy, there are so many. The last shows I binged in two days was Queen’s Gambit and Emily in Paris.

9. Do you watch porn?

Yep. But struggle with it because it’s overdramatic, unrealistic and would kill or someone to make porn with a decent storyline with people that can act. 

I prefer to read it if I’m honest or maybe just write it for myself.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

Sort of? More like my other one I used I was known for all my slash writings in F1. But now I just hang out here.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

No where. The world is riddled with co-vid and well, I’m probably in one of the safest countries and I’m at risk of death should I catch it. So I’ll stay here in my safe bubble.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I wake up tomorrow and I’m not me. I wake up and I can take a deep breath without gasping for air, I wake up in no pain, I wake up and my body isn’t terribly scared, I wake up and can have a ‘normal’ life.

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope and no desire too. Won’t that just hurt?

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I’d by that dream house I described, set everything up to be self sufficient. Pay and travel to try every cure available for my diseases. And then bank the rest and live off interest. Or maybe donate it. I don’t want money and I don’t really want a lot of things.

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yep and it’s a struggle and am constantly fighting to prove it’s worth continuing. Oh and that’s a relationship with myself.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No.

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

No, I suppose it’s more disappointed and let down by people more than angry. I’m working everyday on letting it go but it’s not easy.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I have always wanted one, but have never found something that I really loved and haven’t been imaginative enough to create something unique. The older I get though, I’m not sure I want one. I did for the longest time though think about getting a Ferrari tattooed on my inner wrist, but pleased I never did that. I don’t love the sport or Ferrari enough anymore to want a permanent reminder of that.

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

I am changing name actually. Hoping to action that in the next two weeks. I would have done it earlier but they closed the borders. I have a dutch sir name that has two words. It confuses every one, systems don’t get it, it has caused issues with plane tickets. And well I’ve decided no more and am dumping a portion of it.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

This is a duplicate. Skipping.

21. Describe your best friend.

When you meet her for the first time she can be a little crazy and wild, and she kind of scared at me first because she’s so unlike me. But as you got to know her, the *real* her she doesn’t let people see, you realise how kind and soft she is, and she’s the most empathic person I have known. She gives so much of herself to everyone, thinks so little of herself and her needs because she’s one of the most selfless people I know. I love her more than most of my family and would do anything for her.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

Is this followers? Uh most I don’t know what they look like? I assume they’re all hot!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Don’t have any really. My music is varied and is based on my mood and really changes around. And with most bands, I generally lean towards one or two songs. This is one of those questions I really struggle with whenever I see it. Will say however, have been enjoying The Beatles recently and a bit of old school stuff.

24. What are three places you want to travel?

Japan. Norway. Canada.

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Generally hanging out with people I like. Enjoying a good wine, some cheese, either playing some board game or dungeons and dragons, or watching a really good movie. Good company makes any night a good night.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Autumn. One because I think it’s neglected as a choice and every season should be loved, and two because I love the colours of autumn and the colours associated with autumn. 

27. What’s your pet peeve?

I’m sure I have a heap of them, but currently it’s people that have an issue with you and instead of being an adult and talking to you about them choose to silence and blank you. I’m so tired of it, I’ve quit being peacemaker in those situations, those people are no longer worthy in my book.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Uh... I don’t think anyone I know is super funny. Friends and family all have a good sense of humor. But out of my circle of life people I’m always told I’m the funny one, which I find the biggest joke ever. 

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Can not think of anything off the top of my head. I will say if I think a movie is getting too much hype I refuse to watch it, whether all the reviews are raving or not. It’s why I didn’t watch Harry Potter for like ten years or any of the new Star Wars movies. I just refuse to be apart of all the hype and jump on bandwagons.

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

I’d love to talk to everyone. I’m shy to start any conversations to be honest and I think all the people I talk to regularly were the first to message me, and I love them for it.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

100% love an old fashioned paper book. The texture of the paper. The smell of a book. That being said, I don’t think I’ve picked up a proper book to read in years. I live in fan fiction more than anything or am busy writing myself.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Any of the disney worlds, anything from the past, or verging on fantasy like. I want a simpler time not full of technology which I grow to hate more each day. The older I get the more I’m pretty sure I’ve been born in the wrong decade.

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I’d build the perfect wardrobe capsule. Everything would be of high quality, not necessarily brand name and all the clothes would be sourced from ethical businesses or be handmade.

I like classic pieces, love the fashion of the 50′s and 60s and while stylish it would be comfortable to wear and everything could be worn in public (sorry comfy tracky pants).

34. What’s your coffee order?

There ain’t no coffee order. I don’t drink it. Sorry @leoni-speedyf1 I know how addicted you are to it, happy to buy you anything you like though :P

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

In real life? No one.

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Not romantic. I have feelings in that I hope they’re doing well, achieving what they want and they’re all happy. I didn’t have any ‘bad’ breakups and all my relationships ended very amicably.

37. Have any tattoos?

No. See above for more on this.

38. Do you drink?

Rarely. Can’t with medication and condition. But on occasion I do enjoy a good glass of red. Pinot Noir is my preference. 

39. Are you a virgin?

Nope.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Not in a romantic way? The ones I talk to regularly I love immensely though.

41. How many followers do you have?

99

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

Uh all the men I know I am not attracted to. Probably a good thing as they’re either family or partnered with a friend or family member.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Can’t think of anything. I try not to feel guilt for anything I enjoy to be honest, whether it’s food or an activity. Life is too short for that.

44. Do you read erotica?

Yep. Even write it.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

It was a few years back. I met this guy online and we went to the city and spent most of that time just strolling next to the river for our first meet up. Why was it the worst date ever? Well it wasn’t the location that’s for sure.

The guy had two kids, and I’m a firm believer all parents have favourites, though I have yet to meet a parent that will voice that aloud. This guy, had no qualms with telling me about this favourite kid, and that wouldn’t be a problem if didn’t spend just as much putting down his younger son. It kind of left me reeling and wondering how his son felt if his dad didn’t hide just how much he didn’t like him as a person. The kid was four and the reason his dad didn’t like him was because he didn’t like bikes.

And so the guy was a bmx rider so he spent the rest of the time on our walk just pointing out all the tricks he could do. He didn’t ask about me, only talked about himself. It was also lunch time and assumed we would get something to eat together, but nope, no food was offered. And when I suggested to get something to drink because it was so hot and we’d been out in the sun for like an hour, he just took me to a subway and told me to get a drink and waved me to the line. No offer to join me, no offer to pay (which doesn’t bother me btw, but this was capping off a terrible day), no offer to get food.

I was so happy to get out of there. Didn’t speak to him again once I had left.

46. How many people do you follow?

I currently follow 59 people. I don’t follow anyone that creates drama, and try and follow only people that post about F1 as that’s all I use tumblr for now.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Either Sebastian Vettel or Ryan Reynolds. Both are married though, so I don’t think that’s going to turn into a reality anytime soon.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

I want someone that shares the same core values as me. Doesn’t want kids, isn’t super religious (grew up in a cult like religion so I avoid it now), is on the minimalist side and isn’t someone that needs new things things all the time or is desperate to replace something the moment they deem it out of date. Someone that doesn’t live their life on social media. Someone that prefers simple things, someone who is kind and giving, and someone that truly loves me - and it’s the last part that I struggle with finding more than anything with all the guys I have dated. 

I am currently not looking for a partner, I am not in a place for a relationship and am fully focused on myself. And I am very content with that decision.

49. Who do you text the most?

Currently my bestie.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Clear blue skies and a warm day to enjoy the sun. But there are times when I simply love the rain, hearing it on the room, watching it fall endlessly and knowing that everything will be green from it.

[spaceorphan18]

not to be weird or anything, but during the first time when klaine have sex, I always assumed that they had never done ANYTHING. so I guess my question to you is, do you think they had any prior experiences or did they have sex that night, having never done anything before??? Just curious what ur headcanon is

Listen, Nonny, once you write gratuitous vampire porn you stop finding these kind of conversations weird.  So, really, no worries, y’all know I’ll always pull up a chair and chat about Klaine’s sex life.  

SEXY TIME HEADCANONS

So, the first thing I like to remind people is that Kurt and Blaine are very young when they first start having sex.  I really don’t expect sixteen year olds to have a ton of experience with the sexy times (and if they do -- that’s concerning, tbh) so, no, I don’t think either of them had much experience.  That said, I don’t think either of them were prudish, either.  

Let’s start with Kurt, shall we? In early times in fandom, Kurt was associated with this whole virginal, delicate flower thing when it came to sex (which is really untrue) but a lot of it stemmed from the episode Sexy, because at that point, Kurt’s idea of sex is gratuitous porn, and that seems to be separate from his idea of what romance and intimacy is.   However, once he and Blaine get together - he doesn’t see sex and romance as black and white things that are mutually exclusive.  

So -- before meeting Blaine, based on that one line in Acafellas - yes, I think he made out with his elbow a few times.  I do think he masturbated some - though it was always with his imagination.  Using fanfics or those muscle magazines or the idea of Finn (or a celebrity) but it wasn’t all that often.  His fantasies were a bit more romanticized than sexualized, so it wasn’t something that happened all the time - but he was a teenager with hormones, and when he started getting more comfortable with himself, he started to explore more.  

He and Brittany had some lengthy make outs - but that was always experimental and he wasn’t very sexually stimulated by it.  And despite Brittany attempting to push things a little, Kurt never let it get farther than kissing. 

post-Finn/Theatricality and pre-Blaine, Kurt was too depressed to much of anything, let alone try sexy anything.  

So, then we get Blaine - and the more comfortable Kurt gets with Blaine, the more he wants to explore how his body feels with Blaine.  Kurt’s a little slow about things, but that is more so tied up in self-image -- of people telling him he wasn’t sexy, that he wasn’t wanted, that being wanted by another boy was wrong, and less about how he feels about sex in general.  Blaine makes him feel comfortable and loved, though, and he starts to, as stated in The First time, shed the layers.  

The funny thing is, Blaine always lets Kurt set the pace -- and once Kurt gets the idea of wanting more in his head - he starts pushing boundaries.  I don’t think he and Blaine were completely innocent before their first time.  I think their making out got pretty dirty.  I think they started to shed clothes, and feel each other over their clothes.  Kurt made the rule about keeping their hands above the equator, but I’m pretty sure they touched and kissed each other’s bare chests during that summer.  I’m guessing they probably also rocked together a bit as well, and felt each other’s erections.  

And I’m pretty sure Kurt masturbated more frequently once he and Blaine were a more solid item going into season three.  

Now Blaine, he craves physical touch a bit more than Kurt does (did), and I wouldn’t doubt that the first time he kissed someone was when he was a lot younger (late elementary? early middle school?).  It was innocent, but Blaine liked innocent kisses and holding hands and being close to people.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Blaine had a girlfriend in middle school - though since he’s unclear if he’s bi or not, I’d say they didn’t get very far.  

I do think Blaine had made out with a guy before he met Kurt -- was it the friend he took to that dance? Someone else? Who knows - but I do think Blaine was a little more experienced -- but not much.  I think he acted it more than he really was.  I do think he researched things religiously -- when he realized he was gay, he just started reading all the things on it.  And I do think he watched his fair share of porn (personally - I think he has a favorite porn star that he watches - but I mean, you can debate that if you like, that’s fine).  I do think he masturbated way more frequently than Kurt - and is fairly comfortable with his own body once he starts dating Kurt.  

He’s also smart enough to understand that Kurt needed to go his own pace, but after all the almost sexy times and heavy make outs, Blaine definitely got off at home afterwards.  Blaine probably also had a few sex toys -- that he didn’t tell Kurt about until after they started having sex, but Kurt was surprisingly open about it once Blaine finally told him. 

So.... does that answer the question, idk, I rambled a lot as usual, lol.  

tl:dr - I don’t think either of them had had sex with other people, I do think they both had made out with others (Kurt canonly, Blaine headcanonly).  And I think once together, they slowly worked their way up to giving each other orgasms - but it wasn’t out of the blue, and they were definitely sexual with each other in their early relationship. 

I mean, just watch Purple Piano Project ;) 

[blueraspberrymilkshake]

how about kyman with the prompt "do it, i dare you"?

Okay, I just want to apologize to @lochnessmonster for taking so long to post this prompt. Work has been a pain in the ass and I wanted to make this oneshot really good one. And it is! So I hope you enjoy this 2k+ ‘ficlet’! Heads up, this story has a lot of saliva references and Butters torture. I also made this one-sided K2, whoops, lmao.

~x~

“Do it, I dare you.”

Cartman said it so provokingly after Kyle let out a ’what?’ after hearing the brunette’s proposal. No, not that kind of proposal. 

Cartman dared Kyle to kiss Kenny. On the lips.

While the blond was sitting right next to him. In front of everyone in the room. 

“Okay. This is unexpected,” Stan retorted.

And he was right. In the past two hours, the teenagers were having a normal sleepover at Stan’s household (which had a severe lack of two parental figures since forever, resulting in underaged drinking on Stan’s part); and in the past thirty-five minutes Kyle wanted to play 'truth or dare’ and since then the other boys had done the most absurd tasks. 

Stan was given a wet willy by Craig’s middle finger.

Craig confessed he would still pee on the bed at the tender age of fifteen (Stan quickly left and came back from the bathroom and dropped a bucket of cleaning utensils waiting for him in the morning).

Cartman had to shove ice cubes inside his sleep pants and let it melt on his own sleeping bag.

Kenny had to impersonate a police officer while prank-calling Darryl Weathers (the boys later found out that the crazy man had recently went skinny-dipping at Stark’s Pond right after drunk driving and nearly ran over an unidentified child).

The other blond had it the worst. Butters had to find any undergarments Shelly left in her old room and wear them on his head. He could only find a worn out pair of brief panties. And to add fuel to the fire, he had to let his friends take pictures of him and share them with their friends… and his father.

Fast forward to the present, and all of the aforementioned highlights would’ve been better for Kyle. Hell, sticking a twig inside his dick sounded much less humiliating than kissing his friend. And that says a lot. 

Kyle blinked his eyes, still blindsided from Cartman’s request. “No, I’m sorry, did you just-”

“God, Kyle, do I have to repeat myself? I dare you to kiss Kenny!”

“I-I change my mind! Truth!”

“Nuh-uh,” said Cartman, wagging his finger. “You can’t change a truth or dare. Ain’t that right Craig?”

The dark-haired teen cleared his dry throat, trying to maintain his composure. “Y-you did came up with that rule yourself, Kyle.”

“See? Told ya." 

Kyle internally cursed at himself. Why did he insist on making every game so challenging? "I am not kissing him, Eric.”

“You have to. It’s a dare,” Cartman sneered.

“Why not dare Stan? Or Butters? Hell, even Craig seems more willing to do this!”

“Dude! No!”

“I have a boyfriend, asswipe.”

“And I still have my dignity, thank you very much,” Butters remarked ironically, adjusting the waistband of his newly given headwear. 

Two seconds later a small jingle left Craig’s phone, signaling the notifications he earned. As he checked his phone he snickered.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your picture got over a thousand likes on my Instagram, dude,” he even replied to one of the comments, “Why yes, those are menstrual stains.”

“A thousand?!” Butters shouted in agony, his face became sweating and his pupils wander around the room but nothing made him calm yet. “Oh God, is Charlotte going to see this?! I need to come up with a good dare, and quick!”

“Shut up, you guys!” the impatient Cartman interjected, with his head turning towards Craig and Butters.

“Alright, let’s get on with it, people,” he continued, snapping his fingers directly at his other two friends.

The older teen huffed, arms crossed as a form of protest. He wasn’t about to hear it.

“Kyle,” the taller boy leaned just a little closer, his tone low and browbeat, “your ass was going on and on and on about wanting to smooch a guy, and now’s your chance.”

Kyle’s eyes snapped back open, clearly outraged that Cartman would bring this up. He admitted to his friends he was questioning his sexuality; wondering if he liked boys as much as he liked girls. That was several months ago, and since then he would continue living his life with nary a definite conclusion. He should’ve known the taller boy would bring up personal information for his own gain.

“I didn’t know you’re bi-curious, too!” Butters beamed.

“Mhmm,” Cartman hummed. “And don’t act like you two haven’t done anything gay before. I haven’t forgotten the whole 'ookie mouth’ thing.”

“Ookie mouth?” Butters repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“We were eight!” exclaimed Kyle.

“And painfully inexperienced,” Kenny added with a hint of disappointment, earning him a glare from his former playmate.

“And now…” Cartman raised his two index fingers towards his chest and brought his digits together, “…you two can finally share each other’s saliva properly,” he punctuated his sentence by closing his hands together.

“Oh, dear God,” Kyle groaned, covering his face in embitterment. 

“You guys had to share saliva?” Butters gave off a mischievous look, his thumb and index finger on his chin. “Hmm.”

“Don’t even think about it, Butters,” remarked Stan.

“Why are you doing this to me? I don’t even like Kenny like that.”

“I saw the way you looked at him the other day. You were so focused on that sexy face of his, huh? You even smiled at him!”

“I was helping him study for our Final, you idiot.”

“It doesn’t matter. You could’ve said no. But something inside you said otherwise.”

“Eric, for the last time, I am not doing this. You better find something else for me to do.”

“Dude,” Kenny responded, his hand landing on Kyle’s shoulder. “let’s just get this over with.”

“You’re going along with this,” the frustrated teen assumed in a deadpan tone.

“Y'all know I never back down from a challenge,” said the smug boy, showing off a sincere grin.  “And compared to the other shit we’ve done tonight, Fatass is practically being nice to us. Besides, It’s not like he’s asking for a full-blown make out session.”

Kyle thought about this long and slow, and he snarled at Cartman. The brunette just raised an eyebrow, that shit-eating grin still plastered on his face. Kyle pursed his lips together, and finally gave up.

“Just a peck.”

Kenny nodded in agreement.

“Soooo?” Cartman was lying on his stomach, his feet in the air, and not caring for the remnant wet spot from his own dare. “Who’s gonna make the first move?”

Stan let out a forced cough and took another sip out of his can. 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Kyle suggested abruptly. 

Each faced their open palms towards each other before placing their fists on top. When they drew the first time, they both had scissors.

“Best two out of three.”

They drew again, they chose rock.

They drew again, they chose scissors.

They drew again, they chose paper.

“How are you guys doing that?” Stan questioned.

And they drew again and again and again, but continue to reveal the same illusive weapon.

“Jesus Christ!” Cartman yelled, reaching towards the work desk and quickly found what he needed.  “Here!” A dime in front of Kenny’s face, the light from the ceiling causing the coin to glow in front of Kenny’s face. “Just flip a coin.”

“I-I call tails,” Kyle blurted out, just as the blond snatched the shiny object.

Kenny flipped the coin and caught it when it fell on the back of his palm. It landed on tails.

Kyle really wished he had some of Stan’s beer. 

“Alright Kyle, time to kiss yo’ man!” Cartman taunted. He was practically bouncing from excitement, and it wasn’t just from the ice cubes.

The redhead said nothing and instead sat still, taking the time to stay calm before he could look at his chosen participant.

“Look Kyle, we don’t have to-” suddenly Kyle placed a finger on the other boy’s lips, signaling him to stop.

“Why are changing your mind now? I thought you said you’d never back down from a challenge.”

Kenny was taken aback from his friend’s sudden change of inclination. He opened his mouth trying to find the right words, but the other teen beat him to it. “Come here.”

Kenny’s cheeks became redder and hotter as Kyle’s cold hands took hold of them. 

’If Fatass wants a show, I’ll give him a show’, the redhead thought.

Kyle took a deep breath before pressing his lips onto Kenny’s. He assumed the blond’s lips would be dry and chapped from the cold weather but instead they were soft and moist, but not from his own spit. Cartman must’ve had a play in this, because Kenny was wearing cherry flavored chapstick; the only person who liked that flavor was Cartman himself. He felt Kenny loosen up and give in to the passive kiss. Keeping his eyes shut, he let his hands wander at Kenny’s back - one hand gently grabbing strands of unkempt hair while the other stopped at his neck - pulling the other boy further onto him. 

“Uh… guys?” said Stan, finally speaking up, but his voice quickly became white noise. Craig gestured at the other boy, placing a finger on his lips, as he was quietly recording what’s left of this unforgettable dare.

Kyle captured his lips again, and again, and again, portraying himself as some touch-starved virgin; he could’ve sworn he felt Kenny’s mouth curve into a smile.

“Guys, you can stop now. Guys!”

“Welp, it’s a good thing I brought these,” Craig used his free hand to reach into his back pocket and a short pack of condoms fell on the floor.

“Craig!”

Thankfully for Stan, Kyle broke the kiss before this oneshot exceeds its PG-13 rating. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a blankly inscrutable Kenny, his fingers lightly brushing his lips. Kyle’s eyes searched around the room, and everyone remained speechless. 

Stan ran a hand onto his raven-colored hair, clearly distressed of what he had just witnessed. “Holy shit, dude.”

Cartman blinked, as if he knew what he was going to say but couldn’t, and soon suppressed giggles evolve into raucous laughter. He was literally rolling on the floor as he does so, hardly attempting to regain his posture.

“Oh my - oh my God,” Cartman wiped his eyes as he tried to breathe. “You guys really did it!”

“Yeah!” Butters chimed in. “How embarrassing!” His snickering ceased as a buzz from his phone went off. He wasn’t too happy with his text.

“Oh jeez. My dad saw the pictures,” he bowed his head in shame. “He says I’ll be grounded when I get home.”

Kyle let out a long sigh. “I’m gonna rinse my mouth, now.”

And just like that, he promptly excused himself from the bedroom.

Everyone remained silent until Craig broke the ice. It was his turn after all. “Butters, truth or dare?”

~x~

After he was done using the bathroom, Kyle decided to get a bottle of soda to help wash down the aftertaste of Kenny’s mouth. When he took it from the refrigerator, Cartman was already stepping into the kitchen.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kyle was pouring his drink into a plastic cup.

“My plan worked, didn’t it?” The brunette smirked.

Kyle pulled away from his own cup as the words processed through his head. “I knew it.”

“Don’t be like that, Kyle.” Cartman replied, hoping his own words would reassure the other boy. “No one will be able to recognize… this thing between us. Everyone will think you and Kenny have a thing.”

“Is that why you invited Craig and Butters? Just so they can have something to gossip?”

“Well, it’s hard for anyone believe anything Butters says out of his mouth,” the brunette sat next to the shorter guy, grabbing the bottle. “But with Craig, it’s nearly impossible to take no for an answer. I also wanted to see Butters make an ass out of himself tonight.”

Cartman removed the bottle cap; he was about to himself out before Kyle firmly grabbed his wrist.

“You’re not going to drink off the bottle, are you?”

“You took the last cup.”

“That doesn’t mean you can taint the soda with your backwash.”

The boy next to him scoffed. “Can I at least take a sip from your cup?”

Cartman was given the cup, and in return he gave Kyle a ludic stroke on his chin.

“Thanks, babe.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and smiled. He made sure he would get his cup back before Cartman could leave him with a single drop.

“I’m glad this whole thing is taken care of,” Cartman replied.

“There are better ways to keep our relationship a secret, dude,” said Kyle.

“Don’t worry,” Cartman nudged his arm. “This whole fiasco will die down in less than two months…maybe,” he stated his remark like it was supposed to make his boyfriend feel better. “…And now that Kenny’s got his wish he’ll stop vexing me.”

'His wish…’ it didn’t take Kyle to figure that one out on his own. “Kenny’s crushing on me, isn’t he?”

“What do you think?”

This all made perfect sense now.

“Cartman? Truth or dare?”

“Truth?”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Cartman didn’t say anything… yet. Kyle had already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear him say it. 

“Of the kiss? Of Kenny liking me? You thought that he was going to steal me away from you?" 

The brunette nodded his head but eventually answered the question, so faintly that Kyle could barely listen to it. He didn’t have to worry, though; because it was enough to earn him a tender kiss from his boyfriend. Unlike his last encounter, the redhead took his time on this particular person; the same person who had made him feel all types of ways but still managed to steal his heart. Kyle didn’t remove his hands when he parted ways, and instead they slid onto broad shoulders. He would never say it out loud, but kissing Kenny wasn’t as bad as he thought. However, the blond could never compete with the juxtaposition of silkier, shaved skin and softer, chestnut hair and chubbier cheeks and straightened, white teeth and the scent of coconut body wash, the list goes on and on. No one could ever take his place.

Their trance was broken when they heard a yell from upstairs.

"Jesus, Craig, there’s spit in my eye!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Butters!”

Kyle leered at Cartman when he started cackling, only to join in mere seconds later. 

“C'mon, you gaywad…” Kyle punched him playfully, “before they catch us.”

The best come back the other boy could come up with was, “Likewise, buttmunch.”

Cartman watched his boyfriend wander back towards the stairs before following suit.

[kinkymagnus]

thoughts on alec? since this is mainly a magnus blog i guess i'm curious.

kfjlkfgjd thanks for resending sorry tumblr’s a bitch ily

eh i feel like generally i talk mostly about magnus bc Every Other Blog (not literally obviously but like, in general) talks about Only Alec just like…..24/7

so while i like him fine, he’s like, mostly Magnus’s Love Interest on my blog lghjflgkhjfgh but honestly just generally while i do like him i honestly don’t find him that….interesting, individually, i guess? i mean he’s not quite boring, but he’s not a character i really relate to

so the reason i don’t really write alec-centric stuff is like. 1. i just don’t find him as interesting (although i’ve had a few ideas, they’ll likely never be published thanks to…) 2. Spite

aka the alec stans suck. the Alec Stans™ to be clear, the ones who suck, not everyone who likes alec. but like, yeah

anyway let’s not just talk salt and me being petty, despite alec being not my fave i can afford to answer one (1) ask without my entire blog crumbling down and revealing i’ve been an alec stan this whole time without me even knowing it

ok so alec headcanons i guess

1. alec was a chatty kid. not what you’d think, right? but then like, he was taking care of izzy, bc she’s his baby sister and Protective, and jace wasn’t really the type to listen to him. like, ever. alec would suddenly realize jace hadn’t been listening the whole time pretty much every time he tried to have a conversation with him or talk about things he was interested in, even when he listened when jace talked about his latest crush or whatever he was interested in. alec started abruptly going quiet before his sentence was finished, and jace didn’t seem to notice or was just like oh good you’re finally done talking, here’s what i was gonna say. eventually alec gives up. he still talks to izzy but she’s so little it’s a lot slower paced and he usually pays more attention to her than what he wants to say bc Baby Sister. by the time izzy’s old enough to like, properly, hold a conversation (she is also pretty chatty) alec’s already gone a lot quieter. by the time we see him, he basically doesn’t initiate conversation on things he’s interested in that aren’t work-related. he does still sometimes talk to izzy, but it’s hard to get the words out and get everything sounding right, so he gets annoyed with himself. it doesn’t come as easy anymore.

and not to show my magnus stan roots but magnus is kind of similar, albeit way less clear cut, he tends to ramble and talk a lot about his special interests only to shut himself up when he realizes he’s definitely boring whoever he’s talking to (he isn’t, necessarily, but after enough times being told to shut up when you get excited you believe everyone wants you to shut up.) and then he was trying to keep up the whole classy unaffected stylish “def not an adorkable disaster bi nerd, i am dangerous deadly unaffected lothario man who has never even heard of star trek or whatever” facade, and rambling about whatever interested him didn’t really fit that. so he retreated more into himself, too. he did have his friends to talk to, but catarina is so busy and he doesn’t want to bother her and raphael doesn’t want to hear his foolish old dad ramble on, does he, and ragnor–he’d always put up with magnus’s babble, and listened, but magnus felt like he was boring him and then ragnor was–well.

anyway so to united these, then, they met each other. and it takes a while, but they get comfortable with each other. magnus goes on a long ramble about a potion he’s been trying to get just right and then cuts himself off, embarrassed, and apologizes for probably boring alec, and alec’s like what? no, that was really interesting, i was listening, can you explain the thing with the mandrake root? and magnus is like…oh.. (also side note: magnus is incredibly cute when rambling about things he’s interested in, he waves his hands a lot and his eyes are all excited and warm and he’s so lively, and clearly passionate, that it’s engaging and pulls you in. like a really good professor. and sometimes he starts talking about something way above most people’s heads without realizing how Smart he is, but if you ask him to clarify he’s like, totally non-condescending and explains it in creative and understandable way????? sorry im in love with adhd magnus thanks to someone anyway)

and then vice versa, alec slowly feels more comfortable talking about things that interest him, like a book he’s been reading and how it’s so fucking stupid the heroine went for the “blonde bad boy” when he’s such a dick to her, or whatever, like it starts as an angry rant about something but before he can cut himself off he realizes magnus is listening. like, actually listening. and like, if it’s appropriate, magnus will ask questions, engage in what alec’s talking about, and alec finds himself getting better at putting to words what he means and magnus is never mean about it, always patient and understanding

2. as a kid alec read romance novels. cheesy shitty fun romance novels. especially the ones that are like, written by women (or better, queer people, but that’s later) and aren’t weird? you know what i mean? and he loved them. romance was something young alec dreamed of a lot, even if he tried to ignore how he preferred tall, dark, and handsome to the main character, or the kind man the heroine fell in love with to the heroine herself. he hid trashy romance novels like most teen boys his age (including jace) hid porn magazines or whatever. he eventually maybe found some queer lit, but he didn’t dare to bring those back to the institute, instead choosing to go to the library the few times he had free time to sneak out (aka when he wasn’t working, sleeping, training, or watching izzy and jaces’ backs when they snuck out to clubs and shit.

also: 3. also i stand by the fact that alec wasn’t in denial about being gay. he wasn’t repressed, he knew exactly what he wanted and who he was, he just didn’t think it was possible for him to be with a man and be happy. 

4. alec isn’t a sweet innocent baby boy!!!! he’s seen porn, he knows how sex works, he’s masturbated, and honestly i know the show said otherwise but i find it hard to believe he never once fooled around even a little bit. just a little bit. no actual dating? not hard to believe at all. even being a “virgin” despite how outdated and terrible the concept is, not unbelievable. plenty of “normal” people reach college-age without ever having had sex, let alone shadowhunters raised to be demon-fighting soldiers. but like. look. he has the Energy. alec….Alec Fucks. also just something about the whole like, his siblings are always sneaking off to clubs and he follows them to watch their backs (is this canon or just common fanon? i honestly don’t remember) just screams to me hey, he may or may not have made out with an adventurous seelie or a mundane with eyes. or maybe a blowjob or a handjob, who knows. i’m JUST SAYING. i know this isn’t canon but i don’t care. alec lightwood has seen a dick

5. alec is ridiculously protective of people he loves. especially family (both in the sense of literal family like izzy, and family in the sense of “making your own family” like magnus) like he’d kill for them, he’d die for them, he’d live forever for them,

6. alec can and will become immortal for magnus. and not just literally only for magnus, for himself as well–like he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life being a tool for the clave, he can work for better relations between downworlders and shadowhunters, and like accords that aren’t shitty, and he can be more than just another soldier or even head of the institute, he can be more and have time to actually spend time on himself, like it doesn’t have to be training-work-protect his siblings-sleep-training, and then one day he gets married and has kids and dies. he can actually experience the world, do things he enjoys, spend time with his husband, and most of all, he can spend the rest of his life with magnus bane, the love of his life, his husband, someone he loves so much. he can make sure magnus’s heart doesn’t get broken again by falling in love only to lose him. they get their happy ending, you know???? we stan

7. alec would be a great dad i dont know what to tell you he just would be 

8. one of the first kinks alec realized he really had like. with magnus. was office sex. yes im a slut what about it

this is bc he was minding his own business, doing paperwork at his desk, and magnus maybe sent a flirty text and alec was like mm i want to fuck him right now. and then he was staring at his desk thinking mm i want to bend him over this desk, sweep all this paper off the desk and rip off his clothes, take off his panties last and then lick his pussy until he’s begging for me to fuck him then press his chest down against the desk and fuck him until he screams. maybe i could tie his wrists behind his back with a tie. like i’m his boss? oh my god magnus in a secretary outfit. shit. he gets no work done that day. it’s just a rabbit hole of one thought to another until he’s like. sitting there hard and unable to focus on his work bc the mental image of magnus bent over in a skirt over his desk keeps playing his mind and he doesn’t want to do this paperwork he’d much rather be doing his husband.

9. alec loves making out with magnus on the couch like they’re just chilling and watching a movie and cuddling and alec loves to pull magnus into his arms and just make out. like literally not even “this ends in sex and gets hot and heavy” literally just magnus in his arms. and they kiss a lot. it’s soft and warm and relaxing tbh

10. magnus!!! and alec!!! cuddling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they both love it!!!!!! they’re both lowkey touch-starved!!!!!!

11. alec’s a dom top and that’s that my dudes

[theyanderespecialist]

Yandere Horror Fandoms Headcanons and Scenarios And Rules (Request On My Page)

Hello My Sexy Readers, Yes you read the title right, this is another series for requests.

Now first The List of All The Horror And Slashers Movies I can think of that I know, I may add more later on.

-Movies (TV Series will be after)

A Nightmare On Elm Street (Seen Most Of these movies)

Alien (Seen All Of Them)

Alien VS Predator

The Boy

Candyman

Carrie (Only the Original )

Child's Play (Seen the original one in 1988 not the sequels and FUCK NO TO THE REMAKE!!!)

Children Of The Corn

Deep Blue Sea (both)

Dracula

Evil Dead (2013 Remake)

The Exorcist

Final Detestation (Only The Third One)

Frankenstein

Freddy VS Jason (GO JASON!!!!)

Friday The 13th (All of Them)

Get Out

The Grudge

Halloween (Seen Them All)

Hannibal

Hannibal Rising  

Harry Potter (ALL MOVIES) (ADDED THIS BECAUSE I SAID SO XD)

Hellraiser (All of them but cannot remember most of them)

I know What You Did Last Summer (Seen it once)

IT (Original 2 parts and part 1 of the 2017 remake)

Jaws

Jeepers Creepers (1 and 2)

Meat Train

Orphan (Seen once)

Pet  Sematary

The Phantom Of The Opera

Predator (All Of Them)

Prom Night

Psycho (The first and second one)

The Purge (first one)

The Ring (2002)

Saw (All Of Them)

Scream (Just first one)

The Shining

The Silence Of The Lambs

Silent Hill (First One)

Silent Hill (1999)

Split (Yes it is under Horror)

Sweeney Todd: The Demon On Fleet Street (Can't remember which one)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (All Of Them)

Village of The Damned

When A stranger Calls

The Wolf Man

Wrong Turn (Some of them I cannot remember )

Zombieland

---------

Next the tv shows which is shorter for reasons (Dont question me)

Bates Motel

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Hannibal

The Walking Dead

------

Horror Games as I now a lot of you will want that :D

Alice The Madness Returns

Baldi's Basics

Bendy and The Ink Machine (Half of it so far)

Corpse Party (The First One)

Danganropa (all of 1 and some of 2 and 3)

Dead Before Daylight

Detention

Doki Doki Literature Club

Dream Daddy (Because Of The Cult Ending and Cause I said SO >:3)

Emily Wants To Play

Friday The 13th The Game

Five Nights at Freddy (ALL OF THEM)

Hello Neighbor

Little Nightmares

Lucius (The First One)

Mad Father

Misao

Outlast (All Three)

Resident Evil 2 (The Remake)

Resident Evil 7

Ride With Strangers

Silent Hill (A Couple of Them)

The Sinking City (Only a bit)

Tattletail  

Unforgiving The Northern Hymen

Until Dawn

We Happy Few

Welcome To The Game (1 and 2)

The Witches House

Yandere Simulator

And Finally the rules before everyone starts saying what they want :D

-Headcanons:

Hehehehe you can ask as many Slasher or horror movie character  as you want with Headcanons

Such as the following

Can I get Jason headcanons with blind Male Reader

-Jason

.He was surprised when you did not scream when you were looking right at him, holding the head of one of your friends.

.He was curious like a child never meeting a blind person before.

.Unfortunately for you, your hearing is much higher than normal as you are blind and you rely on it  and you do not know where you are running because Jason took your cane and broke it.

.As a man you think you can defend yourself to a degree and do not let your handicap well handicap you.

.When he sees you with one of those sinful teens he does not take kindly to this.

.Killing her and tripping you before throwing you over his shoulder.

.No matter how much you fight against him or how strong you are he is the man here and when he learns just how much he wants you their is no way you are going to defend your virginity as him.

.You may be able to hear better but this is his territory and their is no escaping.

You may also asks Questions such as

Who would be aggressive to their love and who would adore them or both, Hannibal Lecter, Thomas Hewitt, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers,

-Aggressive:

.Freddy Krueger

.Michael Myers

-Adore:

.Thomas Hewitt

.Jason Voorhees

-Both

Hannibal Lecter

Also Questions like what nicknames they have and so on.

This is how you Requests

.What yandere or yanderes you want to know more about

.Reader

Male or Female

.Can also be any type of reader.

Chubby

Bi

Straight

Gay

Blind

Small

Tall

Incest

And so on, anything really except child (Unless it is platonic) And If With Freddy it can be referenced that he did stuff with you at a young age but it will be light and no full scenes on it.

-Scenarios

This is like Oneshots and Headcanons smashed into one you can ask as many as you like with any reader you want but the Scenario must be the same for all the ones you are asking

like

Can I get one with pregnant female reader and with Brahmas, Chucky, The Demon from Evil Dead

Or

Suicidal Reader with Jack Torrance, Pyramid head, Pennywise, Jeepers Creeper

.Ask for which yandere and Yanderes

.Ask for what type of reader

.Male Or Female

And anything else you hearts want :D

Their will also be OCS with me my OC Michelle and my co author OC Marie

No Child sex scene Reader must be Fifteenth  years or older for sex scenes.

You may also Choose Yandere Or Yanderes Character(S) X Love Interests Characters (Non reader or OC like)

Yandere Jason X Freddy

And Genderbents (Female or male version) of characters are a yes.

And ask for any version of reader even ones that are not just in movies

Like Jason from when Jason was in Space.

Or Freddy Krueger from the 2010 remake

and so on

And Also if you want AU (Alternate Universes)

Priest Hannibal Lecter

Doctor Norman Bates

And so on

You can choose with more than one yandere to a: share b: Seperate C: Fight for reader D: Poly

Poly is short for polygamy and it has where more than two people in a relationship.

Enjoy and stay Sexy!

NSFW Will be posted else where as Tumblr sucks 

[lacrossepapi]

6+17 mit Danny/Stiles? Pleeease. I love Danny/Stiles and i feel like having read all of it already.

Hi! So first thing you gotta know is I don’t actively ship Danny and Stiles and I’ve never actually even written Danny before! This was really exciting and a great opportunity to broaden my writing horizons. the second thing you gotta know is I don’t write sex scenes. so I’m sorry if that was something you were looking forward to! but I hope you like what I wrote despite all that! Friends to lovers + Sex then love

ao3: Link

Stiles knew he was bisexual, but he’d only dated and messed around with girls. Every time he thought he wanted to date a guy he would psych himself out. He’d never even kissed a man outside of drinking games, how was he going to enter a mlm relationship when he wasn’t even confident in himself? He needed a gay jesus to be his savior. Someone he trusted and loved had to introduce him to the other side of his sexuality. Jackson was a bastard on a good day, and would only laugh at Stiles like he was a freak if he asked. Isaac was in a relationship, but Stiles didn’t think he could look at Isaac’s dick anyways they were too close for that. Ethan was gone for the summer, studying abroad in Spain, not that he would’ve even kissed Stiles. He was definitely not Ethan’s type. That left only one person Stiles was friends with that also liked men. Danny was actually perfect. The more Stiles thought about how to approach the man the more he realized how easy it was to talk to Danny about anything and everything. He and Danny had always had an easy, flowing friendship, able to riff off each other even in the worst of times. Danny was whip smart, beautiful and attractive, and best of all was that Stiles knew his relationship with him wouldn’t suffer if he asked. 

Just because it made sense in his head did not mean Stiles wasn’t nervous. He sat outside Danny’s dorm for at least ten minutes before the other man heard him mumbling to himself the pros and cons of asking. “Stiles. I really shouldn’t be surprised that it’s you out here muttering to yourself like a serial killer.” Danny’s patented Serious while Joking face was a blessing. Stiles jumped up and pushed passed his friend and into the dorm room, “You know you love when I act like a serial killer.” “Certainly not.” Came Danny’s reply as he shut the door behind them. And just like that Stiles was nervous again. He was alone with Danny in his dorm room, no roommate to worry about interrupting since he had a single. Danny was looking at him and Stiles was starting to freak out again. “I don’t know why you look like you’re about to word vomit, but sit down and take a breath.” Stiles nodded and sat down quietly as Danny went to the little kitchenette and started to make them hot chocolate. “Just like when we were teenagers.” Stiles smiled. “It was the only thing that would get you to stop talking so fast and gesturing all over the place.” Danny’s response was coupled with a smile of his own. “Pleasehavesexwithme!” Stiles blurted out. Danny froze, the heated milk in his hand hovering over a mug, though his face remained impassive. “No.” And then he resumed pouring the milk into the mugs like it never even happened. “What do you mean ‘No.’? You don’t have any follow up questions?” Stiles was less panicky now that he passed the main hurtle. Danny looked at him for a moment before turning to get the chocolate syrup, “You want someone to have sex with you so you can figure out if you really want to have sex with men.” Stiles flailed, his mind stuttering over the fact that Danny had seen right through him. “How did you know that’s why I asked?” Danny sighed, grabbing both of the mugs and coming back into the living room, “I believe I told you when we graduated and you told me you were bi that I couldn’t be your gay yoda.” “Gay jesus was my thought process.” Stiles mumbled into his mug. “You know that you don’t have to be actively having sex with men to be bi, right?” “Yes. I know that, but I want to try being with a man. You know me. I research everything. I have to try everything safely before I can put myself out there. It’s why Lydia has my virginity.” Stiles shrugged, feeling self conscious. “That, and she wanted an excuse to have that V-card made for you to give to her.” They shared another fond smile. “The more I thought about who I would ask the more it made perfect sense to ask you. You never judge me or make me feel weird about who I am. You are always there for me when I need you, and we aren’t so close that seeing your dick would be weird.” Stiles looked at Danny, then back down at his mug before saying one final damning piece of information, “And I’m kind of excited and intrigued to know what your dick is like.” There, he said it. No going back now. All he could do was stare into his hot chocolate and wait for Danny to kick him out or tell him ‘No’ again. “Stiles look at me.” Danny’s voice didn’t sound offended, which was good, so Stiles did as he was told. “Are you attracted to me?” “Yes.” “Okay.” Stiles blinked. And then blinked again, “Okay?” “Okay let’s have sex. I want your first time to be good, and I know I can give you that.” Danny’s face was calm and collected while Stiles thought his was going to burn off of him at this rate. “I promise I won’t be a pillow princess. I can’t promise I’ll be good, but I will try.” Stiles said earnestly, his free hand coming to rest on Danny’s wrist. “If there’s one thing I’d bet my life on it’s that Stiles Stilinski will always try his best to do something.” Danny smiled at him again.-The first few times they had sex Stiles would sneak into Danny’s dormhall late at night and then leave early in the morning to get ready for his own classes. Eventually Danny noticed how tired Stiles was the next day and decided to change things. Stiles answered his phone of the second ring.“Hey man, what’s up?” “Wanna come do your homework here and stay the night?” Stiles’ mouth dropped in surprise, “You mean like right now?” “No. I mean next Tuesday.” “Oh! Yeah sure, but you’ll have to remind me.” “Stiles?” “Hmm?” “I meant right now.” “Oh! Oh shit, yeah, okay. I’ll be over in ten.” Which is how another month passed, Stiles coming over after class and staying all evening. Sometimes he left after both men were satisfied, but most of the time he left in the morning on his way to class. The next change that over took their friendship turned friends with benefits was due to the fact that Danny always ate dinner right as Stiles got out of class, which left one man hungry. The solution was simple in Danny’s eyes. He just needed to start feeding Stiles. He did it in the typical casual manner in which Danny did everything. Stiles had just entered the dorm room when Danny had him shoved up against the door, their mouths locked in a fiery battle of wills. Finally Stiles’ lips parted with a soft sigh and Danny claimed his mouth with a skilled tongue. “You’re excited to see me today.” Stiles gasped as Danny kissed down his throat. “Mmm. I’m hungry and you took longer than usual to get here.” Danny finished his sentence with a bite to Stiles’ collarbone. “Ah! I got caught up talking to Professor Whitt again.” Danny stepped back and examined his handy work, Stiles was leaning against the door flushed and panting. His chest rising and falling rapidly from his sudden arousal, his cheeks red and his pupils blown wide. He kissed him again, this time softer, “Let’s go.” “Let’s? Go? Wait. You’re actually hungry? Don’t you normally eat dinner before now?” Stiles flailed his hands, knocking their wrists together. Danny gently held the wrist he’d captured for a moment before using it to pull the other man off the door. “I didn’t have time today. Come on. I’m starving and I know you are too.” Their routine had went from late night secretive booty calls to Stiles practically living in Danny’s dorm, and eating dinner together every night. It only took Stiles three months to notice. “Hey babe?” Danny poked his head out of the shower with an inquisitive sound. “How long have we been in a relationship?” Stiles asked, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. “Oh I’d say about two or three months now. Ever since you started staying here more than your own dorm. But we started dating the night we started getting dinner together. Why?” Danny tilted his head as if he was actually curious, even though they both knew Danny was fully aware that Stiles didn’t know they were actually together. “No real reason, guess I just didn’t realize how easily I fell in love with you.” It was Danny’s turn to flail, one of the only times Stiles had ever seen him truly shocked. “What? You didn’t know I love you? What a shame.” Stiles stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. “I guess you’ll just have to show me.” Was Danny’s reply as his boyfriend dropped to his knees in front of him.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hiiii can you help me find some fic where james sholto is john's ex and sherlock is jealous

LOL LOL LOL 

Have you watched TSo3? XD

LOL Kidding. Anyway, here’s what my tag search brought up, sure I’m forgetting something:

PAST SHOLTO / JOHN

Out of Time by westernredcedar (T, 3,163 w. || Wedding, Angst, Pining John, Sad Ending) – Somerset is a lovely place for a wedding, but what John hadn’t accounted for was the getting everyone there.

Confidential by sussexbound (M, 10,654 w. || Epistolary, John’s Journal, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Self-Acceptance/Discovery, John’s Sexuality) – When John accidentally stumbles upon the Confidential file Sherlock’s been keeping on him he is both angry and curious. What he learns about himself, though–well, that changes everything.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete.(This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock’s first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w. || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It’s 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn’t need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

[theamazingcaptdeadpool]

Sinday Meme for Characters Who Share a Brain

The original meme can be found here: x Characters: Wade Wilson (@theamazingcaptdeadpool), Frank Castle (@mementomorimthrfckr) and Ajax (@cantfeelsht) Warning: An abundance of words, massive TMI, cursing duh, threats double duh, Any complaints may be directed at our lawyer; @hellsainted

Frank scoffed as Wade had spent the last three minutes trying to figure out a title, brainstorming no pun intended with himself – and the result he landed on you already read. “That sounds terrible, Wade.” he grumbled and sipped his coffee. A sort of bribe to get him to partake in the thing. “You come up with a better one then, Skulls, and we’ll use that.” Wade fired back, thankful that Frank wasn’t known for his creativity. “What was wrong with the original title?” Ajax wanted to know and crossed his arms. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, watching the other two with what one could describe as ‘calm suspiciousness’. “It was too long.” Wade complained. “Not catchy. And we’re replying as ourselves. The original title suggested that the co-pilot do it for us. Or arms dealer. Or whatever the hell you call her.” he explained, because he could see Frank straining as he tried to work it out. Be nice Wade. I’m always nice.  “Why don’t we just get this over with.” Ajax��s stare moved from Frank to Wade. His former subject was the most keen on this, after all – surely he would kick it off.  “Best idea you’ve had, Francis.” Wade murmured as he counted the questions of the meme. “Alright, there are twenty questions. Let the sinning commence!” he clapped his hands and rubbed his palms eagerly. 

“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed and leaned over the table, snatching the laptop from the merc with a dirty imagination mouth. “I’ll read these.” He glowered at Wade who raised his hands in defeat. There was no point in challenging the Punisher this early in the game.   “What muse needs the most attention on sinday?” Frank read and for some reason found himself looking glumly up at Ajax who shook his head.  “Wade it is then.” It wasn’t that Frank wouldn’t mind the attention… he just wouldn’t actively seek it.   “Yeah, that’s a no brainer.” Wade murmured, he had somehow produced whiteboard signs and written “Me!” on one side and “Not me!” on the other. What? I came prepared. I always do. Yes, that is me being suggestive. He gave one to Ajax who reluctantly accepted.  “Just making it easier for us.” He explained, surprisingly caring.  “Whatever it takes to shut you up,” Ajax looked at both sides to make sure he hadn’t written anything funny on his. 

“Easy, Francis,” Wade began only to be interrupted by Frank who read the next question loudly. “Which muse usually stays silent on sinday?” Frank sniffed. He hadn’t partaken in any sindays, yet. “I’m not it.” Wade said quickly. “I love me some sinday. Actually every day is sinday in my book. Doesn’t always have to be sex. Severe procrastination. Excess eating. Pillows of blow…” “You ever hear of TMI?” Frank put the laptop down on the table with more force than he intended.

  Wade wiped one of the sides of his sign clear and wrote “NO!” only to hold it up for Frank to see. None of them had noticed how Ajax was holding up his own sign reading “Me!” and it took all his effort not to wack Wade in the back of the head with it. “Let’s move on.” Ajax shot in, before Wade could start one of his endless rambles. Frank glared at Wade like a teacher glare at the kid in class that won’t ever stay silent – that they’re afraid to take their eyes off because they know they’ll cause trouble. “Share some headcanons about your muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation… You want to go first, Ajax?” Frank offered without looking at him. “Francis.” Wade corrected him. “Can’t feel. He can’t get it up – and can’t get it off.” Ajax closed his eyes, his jaw tense. “Wade is right.” he murmured. “I’m asexual. Except for specific muses. That has to be talked over in detail.” “Contracts has to be signed. Very Christian Grey. Wouldn’t play with him.” Wade turned towards the room and whispered to no one. Well, at least none that Frank and Ajax were aware of. They shared a moment of confusion, waiting for something to happen – someone to reply. As the silence bordered awkward Frank nodded and continued with the survey; “I’m bi with a preference towards women, but I’m not really looking for anything.” His voice was low. He wet his lips and averted his eyes, bouncing his foot impatiently. 

“I’m pan – the comics has me paired up with women and Spiderman. Over here, meaning Tumblr, I have a preference towards men.” Wade stated the obvious. Frank drew a breath to read the next question, but then Wade continued; “Men with metal arms. Men that are Avengers. Men that’s purple… Is that even a man?” “You done?” Frank wanted to know. They’d missed how Wade had fixed the other side of his sign – and was now holding up a “YES!”. “What are your favourite ship for your muses?” Frank was visibly confused by the question.   “For me it’s the Millenium Falcon,” Wade answered – hoping it would make it easier for the not so shockingly thick marine. “Oh, and I love my warship.” “I don’t ship.” Ajax shrugged. He saw no need to. “Cablepool, Winterpool, Cappool, Hawkpool – the one with Colossus, I forgot its name…” Wade counted on his fingers. “Thunderpool is kinda cute.” “You any idea what he’s on about?” Frank turned towards Ajax. “You don’t want to know, mate.” Ajax said with a sigh. “It’s a question about who you see yourself with.” “No one.” Frank answered shortly. He couldn’t be with anyone, because whoever got close to him ended up dead or worse. 

“Why so glum sugarplum?” Wade leaned forward. “What about Castlevania?” “Are you…” Frank was about to get fired up but by some miracle managed to compose himself. He cleared his throat and shifted. “Nevermind. The next question – “ Frank decided he best ignore the entire thing; he thought they were done with Castlevania. He was not to be ‘shipped’ as the kids called it – with Dracula. “Which muse is the kinkiest?” “Next!” Wade called – he was holding up his sign. “Me!” it read. And maybe that was the truth. Wade is into a lot of things, after all… “Which muse has the strangest kinks?” Frank read warily. Wade slammed his sign down on the table to grab everyone’s attention and held it up again. He pointed to it and looked between the other two; “Unless you want to list some kinks?” “Next.” Ajax nodded towards the screen. “You sure, Francis? I won’t kink shame. Maybe I could interest you in – “ “Next!” Ajax insisted. “Choose one muse and tell us how they lost their virginity.” Frank read. He thought perhaps they could draw straws or… “Rock papers scissors lizard Spock.” Wade said with remarkable speed and accuracy. 

“I lost mine to and older girl at one of the many orphanages I visited.” Ajax said flatly, wanting them to believe that it hadn’t really mattered.   “You’re so boring, Francis.” Wade pouted. “At least give us some details.” “It was quick, messy and left me wanting more.” Ajax squared his jaw. “Satisfied?” “Unlike you’ll ever be again; yes. Thank you. I’m touched, Francis.” Wade sniffed as if he was sincerely moved, whilst Frank hid a chuckle and shook his head, clearly relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans.

“Each of us have to share a random sex fact… I…” Frank rubbed the back of his neck. “I like it when the woman is on top of me, so I can see her pleasure and have her in control.” he admitted. Wade gave an approving nod. “I prefer to be the sub – to give up the control, but more often than not I’m taking it because I get impatient – I think. What about you Francis? Any sexy secrets about your preferences? Oh that’s right…” “I get off on watching others emotions. Pleasure – pain? Doesn’t matter.” Ajax admitted – his tone threatening. Wade gasped loudly and murmured ‘Sadist’ under his breath. Frank blinked and tilted his head slightly to the side – as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Remind me again why we haven’t killed this guy?” Frank asked Wade. “You tell me. Hey, Francis, would you like to hurt me a little – how about that, huh?” “Yes, how about that?” Ajax pushed off the wall, his eyes like pits of hell. Dark, angry. A far too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. 

Frank’s arm shot out – stopping the villain from getting too close. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Wade taunted him. “Yeah,” Ajax snarled – pressing against Frank’s hand. “If you could organise… Seriously who made up these questions? Are these,” Frank turned the laptop around, unable to mask how mortified he felt. “Are you behind these Wade? Because I swear to god…” “I can take the blame for a lot of things – but not that.” Wade pointed at the screen. “Finish the question. I’m curious now.” Frank sighed and tilted his head upwards, as if he was asking for patience. 

“Alright. Alright… Argh… God. If you could organise a threesome involving three of your muses, who would you choose? I guess this one isn’t for us. And… heaven forbid the three of us ever get put in a room together again. Because the next time? I won’t go easy.” Frank pushed Ajax so he fell back against the wall and stared threateningly at Wade. “Careful Frank, he might like it.” Wade taunted. Ajax pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He hated Wade for his ability to get to him.   “The next one is for her as well. What muse she’d like to write a ship for…” Frank shook his head again. “What the fuck’s up with all these damned boats? Anyway… I assume she’d like to try me out with Billy.” “Kinky.” Wade purred. “I’m already in quite a few ships. If we’re adding to… pfft.” Truth was, Wade was content with his situation, so it took some thinking. “A Nathan would be nice? And no ships for Francis. His ship sank the day he let Michael Jackson Dr. Killebrew fiddle with his body.” Wade clicked his tongue and winked at Ajax. 

“How can you possibly know – “ Ajax began – cut off by Frank as he read the next question. “What are some preferences when deciding whether or not to ship a muse?” Frank frowned at the screen. “Read the rules, play nice, write well – I don’t know.” Wade hummed in agreement.  “And don’t assume we’ll ship – I don’t know about the other two, but I’m picky.” “You? Picky?” Ajax scoffed and leered at him. “Do you get to be?” “Well – I can’t fuck all the people who’s bummed because you couldn’t get it up for them.” Wade fired back. 

Frank rubbed his face – considering shooting them both. Ajax wouldn’t feel it, but he could die. Wade would feel it and couldn’t die. What a trio they were… “Are you guys DONE bickering yet?” he sounded tiredly. “Never,” Wade answered as he breathed in. Ajax rolled his eyes. “I prefer missionary or the cowgirl or whatever it’s known as these days. I like the intimacy. The control or giving up of. I like to touch, to see…” Frank’s words grew with passion as he spoke. Wade blinked and looked at him. “What are you on about?” “The next question. I figured I might finish this on my own and get the hell out.” Frank was done with the bullshit.   “What was the question?” Wade put his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Headcanons, sex positions.” Frank scratched his cheek, and glanced up at Ajax. “You outta this one, too?”

“Against a wall… Or relentless teasing,” Ajax didn’t even get to finish before Wade corrected him; “Endless foreplay,” “To draw as much sound from the other part as possible.” Ajax blinked and turned slowly towards Wade. “What about you then, collared and on your knees begging for it?” 

“Actually that’s not that far from the truth. But I like a lot of things. Depends on my partner and whether I’m giving up control or not.” Wade shrugged. “How much time – “ Frank already began reading the next question. “ – none, then.” Wade sighed. “Has she written smut for you guys? Because that’s a no for me.” Frank didn’t take his eyes off the screen – this he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Ajax arched an eyebrow and cocked his head, Wade nodded vigorously. “I suppose neither of you know whether she prefers to write it or not?” Frank huffed and leaned back into his chair. “How are we supposed to answer these questions when they’re not even… yes… Wade?” Much to his surprise Wade has raised his hand. 

“Thank you. I happen to know that she don’t mind writing smut, but she has to feel comfortable with the person she’s writing it with.” “Multiship or singleship?” Frank turned to Ajax. He couldn’t stand the guy, but at least he’d had the decency to explain some of these things to him. “Is no ship an option?” Ajax smirked. It should be pretty clear at this point that he didn’t ship. “It is now. I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t ship with someone exclusively I think.” Frank grimaced at himself, as he was now using Tumblr and games own terms.   “Good call, Frank! For me it’s multiship all the way.” Wade drew a horizontal line in the air before him. “I’m not exclusive either.” “Huh, I think we just answered the next question. So… What is our shipping preferences? Weren’t we over that? Chemistry?” Frank thought that slow-burn sounded nice, but neither of the other guys seemed like the “slow burn” type. He didn’t know how wrong he was in his assumptions. “Yeah. What would you call my ship with Thanos? Because… that’s like… unhealthy. Toxic ships? I guess we’re semi into that? Aren’t we Francis?” Wade winked at him. Damn was he having a field day. Ajax on his end just shook his head and slammed his shoulders back against the wall. “What’s an OC?” Frank glanced up from the screen, relieved that they were close to done.  “Original character. We don’t really do those.” Wade knew that was frowned upon in the roleplaying community, but he didn’t give a shit. “I don’t know about you, but I have more than enough with the canon characters.” On most days, he actually had more than enough with himself. Ajax and Frank both seemed on board with that. 

“So,” Frank turned the laptop off and pulled the screen down. “That’s it. We’re done. Let’s never do it again.” his knees cracked as he stood up. 

“Or the next time we can get naked and –“ Wade began,  Frank pulled his gun and aimed it straight at his crotch. 

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” his voice was low, barely audible.  “You don’t want to shoot me, Francis might get off on it.” Wade kindly reminded him.  “Oh my fucking…” Frank rubbed his face and headed out of the room. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to make him forget. 

“Hey – are you off to kill someone? Do you have a team yet – hey Frank, wait up!” Wade picked up his swords and chased after the Punisher. Ajax sighed and pushed his shoulders down. Being around Wade always made him tense up. He rolled his head from side to side, then left through the back door – half expecting the two of them to be waiting to kill him.

If you made it this far, please let me know what you think. No, Frank didn’t kill Ajax. Yet.