#now that I'm back to using this blog some ^_^
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I'M QUITTING + MY VOID STATE SUCCESS STORY
Hello guys, it's been a long time since i have posted something or in general be active here which was mostly because of personal reasons (just focusing on myself), although one of them had to do with our community.
I personally joined loatumblr at the middle of 2022 (from a previous anonymous account i had) but i started posting much later. Back then, the community was at it's peak ngl. The bloggers and the way they explained stuff was honestly, at least for me, so helpful and enjoyable. After the end of 2023 - beginning of 2024 this community started dying. I really didn't like this since I loved scrolling through specific blogs and reading their posts. I tried to post some stuff to give a little bit of life in there and i guess it did help a little.
Quick note; Please don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that the current posts and blogs running right now suck.. what i'm saying is that this community used to be way more alive back then.
One of the reasons why this happened is because people applied and got what they wanted. So they logged off tumblr. When I realised that, I decided to seriously focus on loa and start applying myself. And i ended up manifesting some good stuff, and I was good with it. Although, after some time, i decided that i wanted to manifest a completely new life from scratch, which it was what i wanted to do from the first time i joined tumblr but i ditched that thought and ended up changing some stuff about my current life.
My goal back then was to enter the void state (which im pretty sure it was 95% of the people in here goal too), but i didn't understand it properly so i couldn't 'enter'. I ended up ditching it and manifested without it. But after some point, i did my research and fully understood the void state or better, pure consciousness. If you go through my blog, you won't see much stuff about pure consciousness because i choose to not talk about it in here. The way it is treated it loatumblr just pisses me off. If you post a void success story, people will immediately run to you and ask you basic stuff like 'how did u do it?' when all the information needed about it is already posted. People tend to see it as something 'huge' and believe they can't succeed in it which is bs. If you do a little bit of research on pure consciousness you will understand how simple it is. Although, even if the 'void state' is seem like something that people overcomplete this doesn't mean that you can not use it. What i'm saying is that there are some people who really dislike the concept of it and will recommend u not to try it. Look, everyone has their different opinions and beliefs but if you want to manifest your dream life in the void state, go ahead. After all, it found you for a reason.
So coming back to my experience, since it was always my 'dream' to manifest my dream life in the void state, i decided to do it now. I'm pretty good at lucid dreaming (i've been lucid dreaming 3 years now) i decided to tap into my pure consciousness during a lucid dream. So i did my usual routine, had a lucid dream in which i closed my eyes and found myself floating in a void. I affirmed that i have lucid dreams everynight and then i got out. I did this 4 days ago, and i have had around 3-4 lucid dreams every single night, without doing any practise at all. Also, i have been scripting my entire dream life and i'm preparing myself to finally experience it. I have decided to make a looottt of big changes but two of them are the 'biggest' for me; numb.1 i will manifest that i will completely forget about my current life (i will also not remember anything about the law, for personal reasons) and numb.2 i will go back in time around 30 years ago (again for personal reasons). I mentioned this to make it clear to you that i won't be able to post my 'success story' after manifesting it, since i will not remember anything about me manifesting stuff and also even if i did, i wouldn't be able to post it since i will not have access to tumblr or current technology in general. So my success story is this one. This days, when i find the right time for me, i will have a lucid dream as usual and tap into my pure consciousness again which from there, i will finally manifest the life of my dreams. So that's my final post you will see from me. I hope you all never give up and get what you want because trust me it's worth it and all this found u for a reason. If you really want it and you stay consistent, then it's all yours. My words can not describe the way i feel right now, knowing that i have my dream life right in front of me and i can just grab it and give it to myself anytime, after this big journey. Goodbye everyone :)
#success story#void success#loa success#goodbye#loa#law of assumption#loassumption#assume and persist#void state#manifestation#manifesting
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Knitting question!
Intellectually I know failure is fine. I'm a beginner! I'm learning! Mistakes are part of the process! But I find it really hard not to be demotivated by projects not turning out how I want
I spent all this time and materials on this and it's just kinda shit?
Did you experience that/have any advice?
--
I definitely experienced that when I first tried knitting. I don't remember, but I suspect it's why I drifted away from the craft for nearly two decades.
I have a couple of semi-failures from my current re-entry into knitting. I intend to frog or partially frog them and re-knit, but there are other projects I care more about that are taking priority so far.
Right now, I love watching youtube videos with little tricks to improve one's knitting or deep dives into technical matters. I find information on fiber fascinating. I think that has helped me avoid many of the problems I experienced the first time around. Even if I run into an issue now, I can probably redo the project to make it how I want.
I think the first thing to figure out is how it's kind of shit. Yes, yes, you're a n00b, but there are lots of reasons projects turn out shitty. Some issues require a lot of practice. Many issues require reading a blog post explaining some technical thing and instantly upgrading your knowledge.
--
For example:
When I first got back into knitting, I got some pretty green yarn and made a Medieval-looking hood. I had no clue how alpaca behaved or that it would be waaaay too flowy for the look the pattern was supposed to have. I was also knitting the pattern with the wrong size of yarn, needle, etc. It turned out way too big for me and a formless blob. It was also itchy.
A year or two later, I threw it in the dryer, and now it's an epic rainy day hood. It's mostly not itchy because the felting stuck down all those hairy ends. It has a lot more body now because it's felt instead of flowy hand-knit alpaca. (And, hey, it's even more Medieval since those hoods were often felt but not often knitted as far as I could tell.)
What went wrong here was mostly that I knew fuckall about fiber. I knew I was making it in some randomass size and didn't really care that it was too big, but I didn't know it would slither off of me due to alpaca's drape. I didn't need practice: I needed someone to tell me how alpaca behaves.
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Example 2:
I knit that Owls sweater and didn't like how it had no shaping... so I winged it. I ended up with really bizarre shaping because 1. I had no idea what I was doing and 2. I didn't close the underarm holes until the very end, so the sweater appeared to fit when I tried it on.
I could open the underarms back up and knit a separate piece for them, but I realized that I dislike the fabric overall. I knit it on a too-big needle (in my opinion). I thought I liked that looseness in my swatch, but I have changed my mind. I was also worried about running out of yarn (since it's a used yarn that I won't find again), but I had tons left over. I also think I want it more cropped. The yarn has a sort of nasty texture but beautiful color, and I knit quite a tight (and thus scratchy) sweater. I don't think I wet blocked it though, so that might fix the texture.
What I should actually do here, assuming I don't just get rid of the thing in favor of better yarn, is frog it and reknit from the top down, reversing the pattern and not having a phase with the underarms open like that. I should also knit it at a tighter gauge but with a little more positive ease, and I should trust that the stretchiness of wool will make it conform to my body just fine without a lot of shaping. Before any of that, I should wet block it and see how the texture changes.
I don't really consider this a permanent failure. I like the Owls themselves. I can easily just knit this again and get a sweater I want to wear... possibly a cardigan, now that I think about it. The yarn is a relatively robust wool that will be fine being frogged and reused, and knitting it gave me more experience with finishing a whole sweater. My various fuckups taught me things about both knitting and my personal taste.
I guess it could be demotivating because it took a while, but on that bigass needle, it really didn't take that long. I would probably always have knit multiple sweaters from this pattern. I see more than one in my future anyway.
Experience was an issue here, but it wasn't experience with the literal act of knitting. My tension was fine. It was more that I fucked around and found out.
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Example 3:
I made a self-drafted BTS sweater out of another batch of used yarn that I'll never get more of. I love the body. the sleeves are too tight in the upper arm, and my bizarre-ass design for the top of the body means that the sweater wants to be a boat neck but also fit differently in the sleeves and... gaaaaah. The tight sleeves don't feel bad, but what they do do is make the whole sleeve slide down my arm weirdly because of the fit issues around the boat neck.
Part of why the upper arm area is so tight is that I was worried I'd run out of yarn (which I did) and I wanted a balloon sleeve rather than a straight one. The yarn is so stiff that the balloon part is weird, and the two other purple yarns I added for the lower sleeve look weird. I should have reversed their order because one matches too well, and now it just looks like I ran out and had to add a last inch in a random other yarn. I have most of those two skeins left hanging around and a sweater that fits strangely.
Also... it needs hand washing but is shaped and sized to be worn against bare skin, so it gets stinky after a few hours of wear because I am a sweaty, sweaty person.
In this case, I wouldn't redo the body: this silk blend will look less nice after frogging, and I already roughed it up a lot knitting the damn thing the first time. I knit it starting at the top, so the weird fit across the shoulders is mostly here to stay.
However, I'm pretty sure the bad fit on the sleeves can be fixed by ripping back and adding a bunch of width up top. I can also start with the flowier other two yarns and maybe have bands of this stiffer one that I used in the body. I suspect the weird body fit is fixable by changing what the sleeves are supposed to be doing.
This is another case of fucking around and finding out, so I'm not too disappointed in it. I did wear it to Yoongi's concert too, and it was gorgeous, if too hot.
I do realize now that I hate boat necks, but I think I can put up with this one if the sleeves aren't constantly sliding out of place.
And if fixing the sleeves doesn't rescue this, I might attempt some surgery one of these days, but that's more of a pain in the ass, so that will definitely have to wait.
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Now, my guess is that your "kind of shit" is not "I freehanded a sweater two seconds after getting back into knitting because I'm a crazy person, and I messed up the shaping".
The more common problems are things like:
Not realizing that you should block or not blocking aggressively enough, so your stitches look way more uneven than they need to, the shape is weird compared to the example pics in the pattern, etc.
Using assy bind-offs so the edge looks amateur instead of polished. (You can go back and fix this.)
Failing to swatch, and now you've knit the wrong size.
Picking a fiber that just cannot do what you want it to—usually seen in people trying to avoid wool and not getting that 99.999999% of trendy patterns are written specifically for wool. I have an ancient sweater from college that looks nothing like the example in the book because all I could afford was big box store acrylic. Never again the plastic horror!
Buying patterns from a size 0 lifestyle blogger aspirational knitwear designer with no boobs and a great photographer, then feeling dumpy when trying the thing on under crappy lighting. This one usually requires a little more self confidence and some bust darts.
Making things in plain stockinette in a light color and smooth yarn like cotton that shows EVERY SINGLE TIME your tension wasn't machinelike. This is unfixable. Don't do this.
--
If you're using mohair or alpaca, frogging may be more trouble than it's worth, but you often can reuse the materials. Granted, you've still sunk that time in, but the materials don't always have to be wasted. That might help it feel more like time you spent practicing and less like a complete disaster.
I'm a very product-focused knitter, so I don't really have practice pieces. I'm knitting to have a Thing and I want to wear that Thing, so I get the disappointment if you don't end up wanting to actually use what you've made.
But that also helps me not get totally demotivated. I still want that Thing and now I have a clearer idea how to make it.
So... what are these "kinda shit" projects anyway? What about them do you not like?
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In my late night writing stupor I; 1) used the wrong dividers on the morty fic, I reopened it aghast to see that vague circle shape was not death gaurd but black legion. Please disregard. And 2) I forgot to tag @squishyowl for it 😭
I REGRET NOTHING ELSE
There were discussions. I now am expanding the Otome Cage Morty fic to have Lore because I'm insane and I GUESS it's getting me to write again so. We roll with it.
PREQUEL TO THIS
Mortarion x F!Reader (Pt. 0)
CW: None for this specific thing. Many for the linked one. Many for the future of whatever this is.
TAGS (If you guys do not want to be tagged in whatever this is lmk 💀): @sleepyfan-blog @undeaddream @scriberye @lisikk @moodymisty (<- except you, you get no rest /j)
Your hoe hits the dirt with a soft thud, the thick warm air of sowing season opressing your lungs. You sigh and lean on the tool, wiping sweat from your brow as it threatens to sting your eyes.
Same as it ever is, you have been tilling the field for three days straight in preparation to sow the grains that will feed you another long winter. Your back aches, your arms tire, but worst of all is the humidity as your lungs try to wring oxygen from the air.
Your sister calls your name, and you ignore her a moment, catching your breath. But the next call is sharp and panicked. You turn to look for your sister, but are stopped dead when you see the sky.
Your life, until this moment, has been a cycle of doldrum. Wake up, feed the animals, feed yourself and your sister, do whatever seasonal chores were required of you. Today that was till and turn soil, sometimes it is irrigate the crops, sometimes harvest, maybe darn your garments or weave.
Nothing in your life so far could prepare your brain to process what it currently was desperately trying to parse into your synapses.
A… thing. A building? A construct of some sort, hangs in the hazy sky. Sat there like a cloud, but sharp and pointed and menacing. Whatever it is, it screams predator.
You fall backwards into the softened soil, primal fear gripping your heart. Everything you know screams “wrong, danger, flee” as smaller constructs fall away from the main one, like the large flying insects you chased off of growing season crops.
An alien noise, deep and bone rattling, approaches from the sky behind you. You scramble around to see another small construct coming right for your field, kicking up dirt and debris. You have to cover your ears to muffle the painful thudding sounds it makes.
It settles onto the ground, and mercifully it stops screaming. You wonder if it is hunting, should you run? Where is your sister? You need to find safety from these beasts-
The belly of the thing cracks open and falls to the soil, shaking the ground, and you freeze again.
Something human shaped, but wrong and hard and large, steps out with a heavy thud onto the ramp. It’s terrible face is partially made of metallic plates, with two cylinders that belch thick gasses as it breathes. It seems to be wearing clothes- you think you see human eyes under a hood- but you can’t begin to guess which parts are shell or exoskeleton and which are clothing.
It does have eyes, you realize as the cloudy green things lock onto you. Have you been staring this whole time? You need to run, your body screams, run, run, run-
It makes a noise that sounds like speech at you, and points. It’s… trying to communicate? It barks the clipped noise again and snaps its fingers at you.
Your baffled mind reels, overwhelmed by the onslaught of new information. You point at yourself.
“M- me….?” You squeak out to it.
It thuds across your field, heavy shelled body sinking into your freshly tilled dirt, ruining several days of effort, before coming to a stop in front of where you sit. It peels back its upper skin- Oh, it was a hood- to reveal shockingly human adjacent features. Shoulder length silver hair, pale and cloudy green eyes, and ashen white skin marred with cracks and scars.
It speaks at you again, the sound mechanical and muffled by its gaseous breath. The smell from its cylinders is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced, acrid and sharp and foul, and you recoil from it as its attempt at speech spits the smoke at you.
The being- person?- hesitates, and sighs. To your horror, it hooks its thumbs under the metal plates of its face and pries them away, revealing a human-ish lower face. Its cheeks are gaunt, and its mouth cracked in a sickly way, but at least it is now human looking enough for your brain to process what you are talking to.
A man. Almost.
He starts speaking again, but is overcome with a coughing fit. He turns away, coughing a sickly rattling sound out, and instinctively you clamber to your feet and step towards him. Is the air foul to him? You’re sure this massive man, already a foot in the grave if you’d ever seen it, is about to keel over right in your field. He holds up a hand to stop you, and retches something vile into the dirt.
You grimace. Not because of the sick, you were plenty familiar with disease and the death rattle of a creature’s last breaths, the poor thing, but whatever he is producing actually sizzles when it hits the dirt, and you’re pretty sure you’re going to have to dig up the soil this man touches when he finally dies. That’s going to be a lot. He is REALLY big.
Surprisingly, he catches his breath, and surprising more, when he turns back to you, his pallor is slightly healthier. He takes a deep breath, rolls back his shoulders, and speaks again, much more clearly. Unfortunately, it is gibberish.
“I… don’t understand…” you say, shuffling on your feet.
He tilts his head as you speak, then nods. “Ah, you do not speak gothic here. That is fine, I think I know this language too.” He responds, his voice deep and raspy. “Tell me little peasant, who are your rulers?”
You frown. “I… rulers…?”
He rolls his eyes, “Yes, do you have that? Is there a person who makes the rules you all follow? Someone who runs your country or whatever you have here?” He says, gesturing around you.
“I…. no? We all just live our lives, farming mostly….” you say, starting to feel lightheaded. This shelled man came out of a flying beast and now is asking if you had, what, a parent?
He sighs, pinching the bridge of his scarred nose. “That makes things less convenient.” He grumbles.
Suddenly he is scruffing you by the back of your tunic, and you yelp in surprise. You hear your sister scream and run away, calling for the neighbors down the way. The massive man holds you up so you are face to face with him as you squirm and grab at the cold hard hand.
“I am here to bring this planet back to the rule of my Father, The Emperor of mankind. And you-” he stops to cough into his shoulder, “-Are going to tell me what I ask for without argument.” He said between wheezes.
You fight through the confusion and anarchy in your mind to think about the situation you are in as logically as possible. A giant man from the sky in a screaming beast, who speaks your tongue, wants to own your land- what is a planet- and has you grasped in one hand like a stray kitten. And apparently he intends to bring you along as he does whatever it is he is doing for his father, who, presumably, is another large and strange man who could crush you in his fist like a locust.
You could fight, scream, run. Hide until your sister returns with help, hope this man is too sickly to give chase for long. There is a side door to the root cellar, if you could get out of his hands in time maybe….
“Okay.” You squeak out.
He raises a brow. “Okay?” He asks.
You nod quickly. “Okay.”
A very, very faint smile cracks across his weathers face. “….Okay.”
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please finish your wedding story, i so badly want to hear the rest of it. i await eagerly.
>everyone lived happily ever after
>a few weeks pass
>I write the brides a lengthy and detailed letter of recommendation to their immigration lawyer
>they're overjoyed and think its a beautiful letter, and I'm glad to help because I hope they last forever and get everything they want in life, if I may drop the act and be sincere for a moment
>a few days pass. the bride I've known for over 15 years messages me
>however... she doesn't care. she's on her honeymoon. and I'm just some chick she was friends with as a kid. what does upset her is how she found out.
>at first I assume that the woman who reached out to her (who I knew back in jr high, and is a few years older than me) was just trying to upset her
>bride tells me about how this woman was her best friend and then suddenly blocked her out of nowhere, which was (and is) still very painful for her
>the woman, who we will refer to as "A" whips up a story about being concerned for the bride's safety and privacy or something
>bride is confused. there's no identifying information. the post is a nothingburger to her. what's important here is that she's upset that this woman messaged her after 4 years, not to make things right..... but to talk about "zander"
>right, this is about me, because this is "A" we're talking about here...... hell hath no fury like a closet case scorned
how did she find my blog?
I assume it went like this:
>"A" goes to peek at her ex-bestie's wedding photos
>"Zander" Spotted
>runs to LC
>"hey does anyone remember Zander who I used to post about on here all the time 7 years ago? I may have found an update!"
>"that's terf cator99 who was posted about on the Women Youre Ashamed To Want To Fuck thread you fucking idiot that looks nothing like her"
>no here's proof!
>autism ensues
>several replies get deleted, other responses indicate they're "A" sperging and linking my blog
>people argue if I deserve to be there anymore
>"she's a tif"
>"no"
> yes"
>"no"
>"I used to know her" ["A" posting]
>"tell us more!"
>"she used to have this one pair of glasses and then she had this other pair of glasses that looked really good on her..."
meanwhile:
>assume she's probably back on her LC shit
>find and link bride to the LC thread and explain to her that "A" has just been trolling for fun and to pay it no mind, you're better off without her in your life
>"hey bride-chan, not to be weird but I'm just trying to understand this shit, do you think A ever had a thing for me... I always kind of assumed she was bi or gay when we were younger and thought it was cool that she was androgynous and went to school dressed as Kaito from vocaloid all the time so I wanted to be her friend but she was pretty rude to people and I backed off"
>"well i dont know but she's married to a man now..."
>yet here she is trying to get under the skin of two women who are with other women
to be fair I earned the lolcow title fair and square years ago all on my own, and really do feel I owe "A" a favor for introducing me to the site. it was very formative for me to find out places like that existed right at the moment I was starting to have conflicting thoughts about the trans shit so I could gain some self-awareness (and general awareness overall) (shout out to "A"s friend who cowtipped to me.....)
meanwhile, on LC:
>"well done ladies, we've figured it all out. Butch Lesbian cator99 is currently partying with gay men, and It is common knowledge that "gay men" are all secretly bisexuals who are looking to hook up with women who say things like "I'm a lesbian" and "I am not attracted to males". That is their mating call, in fact. These words activate the Hetero gland in the Amygdala like a sleeper agent who has been biologically programmed– as we all are– to stop the kiki-ing and split off into heterosexual pairings at the end of a poppers-fuelled night assless-twerking to Britney."
>"good work. But I'll one-up you: look at this screenshot."
[photo from an instagram account, featuring a photo of 17 year old Zander's legs in the bath. "I Am Totally Into Epic Awesome Penis Now!!!!!!" (She had never seen a penis)]
>"yes, this is definitely a normal thing for a straight woman to say. I always knew she was a faker."
>"yes. as im sure you're all aware, there are many social and career benefits from pretending to be a lesbian."
>"doesn't that idiot know that she can't just lie and change her orientation? I can't believe she's been straight this whole time."
>"what does she have to gain from lying?"
>"She's so adamant about being a lesbian, which is a dead giveaway for a cover-up operation. The more they resist, the more evident it is that they are lying in order to gain access to that highly lauded Online Lesbian Following, which is something every straight woman wants deep down."
meanwhile:
>call gf
>"bad news. I just found out I'm actually straight."
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I followed your blog from a search on chastity keyholders. I have not read everything (you answer a lot of questions!) but it looks like you keep your husband permanently chastitzed for years? has he ever asked to be unlocked? did you ever unlock him if he asked? and what would you do if he told you that he didn't want to be locked in chastity anymore? would you just unlock him?
I do get this question a lot... I think that a lot of men have a hard time understanding that for my husband and I, in our relationship him being locked stopped being a game a long time ago. That does not mean it's not still fun... it's amazing for the both of us! But him being locked up for me is part of a commitment that he has made, and that commitment is now very important to our relationship... in fact, it's now an essential part of our relationship in such a way that I do not think that it would be the same without it.
Many years ago after we had been playing with keeping him locked up I came to the realization that having the control over his sexuality was exciting to me. But it wasn't just exciting, it gave me confidence about myself and about our relationship. I told him that I wanted 100% control over that part of him. He agreed, knowing that I could keep him locked up for any length of time, from weeks to months, or even longer. He committed to that and has never once asked to go back on that. And even during times when he was not locked, I do not think that he broke that promise to me. That level of commitment and the strength he needs to continue is very sexy, but also very inspiring to me. How many men would voluntarily give up their orgasms because their wives asked them?
So... when men used to ask me this question I used to feel uneasy thinking about it. My husband is almost always attentive and affectionate with me, and he treats me like a queen. He is never too busy to give me some affection, or even to make me a cup of tea while I'm watching tv at night. I love how he has to keep his passion restrained (like he has a choice! 😂). I love how he will snuggle with me in bed every night so I can go to sleep, and how he wakes up in the morning to hold me, and I can feel his hot cage pressing against my ass. I never, ever wanted to think about that not happening. I used to think that if he did ask, I would do my best to talk him out of it. And in fact, I have honestly told him that if he could not wear his cage anymore I would probably still deny him intercourse because I can see how much positive it has brought to our relationship.
But now that we are coming up onto 7 whole years of this, I am more confident that my husband never would ask to end this. Not only does he know how happy this makes me, he also enjoys his role as my devoted knight. He has grown to love the feeling of arousal that he has for me every day. He literally thanks me for keeping him locked because of how it allows him to focus on me and my pleasure. And the longer this goes on... the longer he stays locked for me... the more sure I am that he would never want to go back to how things used to be.
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ARCANE ACT 3
LIVEBLOG TIME! 🎉🎉
(Once again, more like a reaction then a live blog but sssh)
S2 Ep8: Killing Is A Cycle
Mel in the Ebenezer Scrooge chains again (I know it was Jacob Marley that was in the chains throughout but still) :(
THIS TRANSFORMATION IS SO COOL.
Would be a bit cooler if she wasn't screaming bloody murder throughout but I get it.
They really took some of the excellent bits of her design and decided to really lean into them more for this.
I kind of wish the internet hadn't fucked over the word "empath" cause that made me giggle.
We can't see the sorceress from here but is she meant to resemble the girl from Mel's backstory?
I need to stop pausing to say this immediately before it happens.
Okay so it isn't her, duly noted. I would suck in a fight against this thing.
Did it really say "yeah you're cool but you can still be stabbed, so how powerful are you actually 🙄🙄".
Calamity and Red seem to be associated strongly cause I immediately thought of Breath of the Wild.
I'm living for this backstory.
She must be so cold.
It's all coming back :((
OH SHIT VIKTOR'S IN THE ORB NOW.
God. That's terrifying. Viktor is suddenly extremely terrifying to me.
I'm surprised Ambessa isn't remotely surprised at him mentioning Jayce. He was probably missing for months at this point.
"I will evolve all those willing" so everyone? Everyone in your cult, Viktor? Because they're a literal hivemind so I doubt he'd have much problem.
VI I MISSED YOU.
YOU DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE THAT ISHA FLASHBACK OMG:((
Why does it look like a pokeball? That's so distracting lol
God Maddie is failing across the board, it's embarrassing, girl...
This argument between Cait and Vi was so deserved to be honest.
Maddie is probably hearing all of this...
I never considered Jinx would surrender.
Is Jinx not eating?
Damn what if you just punched me in the gut wow...
Her nails bleeding HURT me so much
"no amount of good deeds can undo OUR crimes" I'm so interested in the "our" from Caitlyn....
Jayce, love ya, but I am not on your side in this argument.
Although, Mel I think calling him and Viktor a "wise investment" in this moment is probably not the move either but still
I was slightly concerned that Jayce's flashbacks (? Would that be the right term for these) would stop once Viktor was "killed". Apparently not.
I'm happy for this turnabout.
I thought in Act 2 he reminded me of S1 Jinx and I'm pushing with that idea now.
Oh nevermind. He almost shot Viktor again.
I know it is very likely one of his followers and not actually Viktor, but damn that robot waist line lmao
Poor Mel probably has very little clue what's going on right now.
I'm distracted by Jayce's design tbh. The black and red colour scheme is sooo nice on his new look.
....
...Well that caught me off guard...
He STILL wants Jayce to be his partner WHAT :'(
"My partner died in this room." OUCH
MEL, MY GIRL!!! 👏👏👏👏
I want to be more enthusiastic for her, but she looks borderline in pain whenever she uses her magic so far :((
WHY ARE YOU PURPLE, JAYCE??
WAIT SO WAS VIKTOR WAITING TO SEE IF JAYCE WOULD JOIN HIM BEFORE STARTING THE EVOLUTION?
After last episode I legitimately, for a second, thought Silco was still alive.
He's not a nice person at all obviously, but in Jinx's hallucination he seems to sound harsher to her?
I did not need to see her spit that out up close.
Wait. It actively fell from her mouth where is it?
O W
I AM SO SCARED, JINX. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO "BREAK THE CYCLE"
Is there a reason Mel needs to wear the cloak?
"You will never be a passenger". Listen , I was actually hoping for more from my Jayce and Mel interactions. Both scenes they feel very off-kilter and standoffish of each other. A lot more tense then before (for understandable reasons considering what they both just went through) that I was hoping would start to heal.... but has'nt. However, that line hit.
I am obsessed with the designs of these background characters.
Am I missing something? Who is that playing that random piano??
I feel bad. I don't recognise him.
This entire sequence hurts.
OH. Wait I think I get the inclusion of the piano man. I hope I do otherwise I've just completely forgotten a character lol
#arcane#arcane spoilers#mel medarda#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#arcane liveblog#arcane league of legends
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MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ARCANES ENDING BELOW:
Now, this is off topic for my blog but I'd like to shed light on something.
Arcanes ending. Namely the end of Jinx's character arc is what I believe to be one of the finest pieces of writing in the modern world with no exception. When Jinx is born at the end of 103 we see what happens to someone who heals wrong, we see the kind of monster they become when they aren't nurtured and given a proper environment to heal in. Powder becomes a monster known as Jinx who goes on to commit multiple acts of terrorism against Piltover. The way she feeds into this idea of being a monster as a way of lashing out at the pain she's felt from being "abandoned" by Vi is so incredibly realistic and relatable that it begs the question what has happened in the writers lives that allow them to understand such a transformation so thoroughly.
Then, at the end of season 1 we see Powder/Jinx finally embrace her new self with no more qualms about her identity, truly and finally one. Without any need to hold back anymore, she does something truly unforgivable and without redemption in the form of 9/11ing Piltover. Even in this moment though, she screams and cries in pain at how her old life is well and truly gone. The emotional turmoil of what she's done and what she's doing is too much to handle. To violently tear a new life out from the broken and beaten body of your old one is something no soul should have to do, but she does, and she makes it relatable.
Once we see her again in season 2, she has become much more lucid and comfortable in her own body as Jinx, the hallucinations have subsided for the most part and her inner turmoil is appropriately dealt with. Additionally she has a goal in mind now, she's chosen who she is and she knows what she wants to do: Kill Vi. The new life she has built for herself is purposeful, deliberate, no more a mish mash of two clashing ideals.
She wants to solidify her role as a monster once and for all, which ends in an epic battle between her and her sister, and at the very end of the fight right before she's taken out for good? A single soul sees the value in her life and risks everything to protect her. A child. Everyone, even Jinx is shocked by this because how could anyone ever love an ugly, broken thing like her? Let alone risk their life for her? The shock this instills in everyone buys Jinx enough time to escape with the kid, Isha. Imagine performing such horrible, inconceivable actions with no remorse and being full of such hatred, and then one person decides you're worth it. Just one person decides you are worthy of love and that they do love you and want you around. Can you imagine how that would shatter your world view? Being full of such self hatred and hatred for the world around you only to be shown warmth even in those times? This is exactly what happens to Jinx.
When we see her next, some time has passed, and she's even begun to drop the name Jinx. Her new friend, Isha, and her have begun a new life together and they look out for each other. The way Jinx describes her new life is "like I'm looking through glasses, except I can't tell if everything's blurry or clear." And what's clear to us as the audience is that Jinx is FINALLY healing. She is finally beginning to find some peace after all she has been through, and all it took was ONE soul, one singular person to love her even after all she had done. We go on to see her reunite with her sister, and somewhat with her father. We get to watch her slowly rebuild the life that was stolen from her and reconnect with those she lost, and those she hurt. This represents hope and change, rebirth and love, that maybe your sins aren't who you are. That you can change and love and be so wonderfully you with those who love you!
Isha dies. Isha, Jinx's anchor to the world, dies protecting her. Yet again Jinx loses everything. Her father is taken from her yet again in the process and the exact trauma that shaped her into Jinx is entirely recreated. Except, this time? There's no insanity. There's no hallucinations and mania. There's no rage or hate or flames or explosions or chaos or screaming. It's just sad. Nothing but sorrow fills Jinx up as she loses her one and only friend. She intends to kill herself at this point. She looks back at her life and sees how everyone she gets close to dies, gets hurt, or she in some way is preventing from being happy. That she alone is the perpetuator of a cycle of violence that has plagued her families lives for years and years. So she decides to give them closure. She tells Vi she can stop feeling bad for being happy and move on, she tells Cait she didn't know her Mom was in the explosion, and she leaves. Nothing more, just leaves. Doesn't tell anyone what she's going to do, she just does it. The intense guilt she feels is palpable in every breath she takes, it's clear she just wants to quietly leave this world without hurting anyone, just this once. Then the time finally comes, to end her life and finally be free of it all. Only to be stopped. One more remnant of her old life comes back and convinces her to stick around a little longer. Somehow, she agrees, but we all know that this is only temporary. The guilt someone feels after doing something so terrible, so unforgivable, can't be cleansed by a single conversation. She hates herself and just wants to stop hurting people, but she still has a small spark, something in her that has hope she can do good. So she delays her death to try one more time to be kind.
Next we see her, she's got a new look and is fighting alongside Vi, instead of against. She acknowledges their connection and at a pivotal moment, takes the fall. She saves her sisters life and "sacrifices" herself in the process. At the very last moment, she understands that there's another way out of her pain and hurting everyone around her instead of dying. She fakes her own death to everyone and escapes the country quietly. She tells no one and quietly escapes, with everyone having the closure of her death.
No more chasing her, no more thinking of what she might be plotting, no more hoping the old her will return. It's just over.
Her final action in Arcane is one of kindness, and healing to those she hurt. It is not redemption, but it is understanding. She accepts she is a bad person and may very well still hate herself, however she at the very least opens herself up to a new life far from those she hurt. And I think that's beautiful.
Anyway this is just my personal interpretation of the ending, I'm open to new ideas and down to discuss though! Btw I didn't proof read this so if it seems messed up anywhere that's why.
#found family#the masculine urge#arcane#jinx#act 3#season 2#Isha#jinx and isha#vi#and like trauma and stuff#pain#rant
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Hallo👋 I remember reading somewhere that marmont had obvious scars over his face from chicken pox as a child or something? Do you know if this is true😳?
Also just want to say you’re an awesome person and i love your blog 🫶 have a good day!
Now this is interesting!
I have never heard anything about him having chicken pox scaring.
I haven't read all of his memoirs (there are 9 of them... they all have around 300 pages...) but I have read a good chunk of the first book where he covers his childhood. No mention of any illness or chicken pox
And that's understandable. If he did have them maybe he left it out for reason unknown to us.
Now, I haven't read a description of him where scaring is mentioned. To be frank, descriptions of him are rare. The ones I have read mostly mention his eyebrows (wow, how shocking), breasts,posture, and dark hair. Some even described him as handsome. Of course, people with facial scaring can be handsome, but I have noticed that physical descriptions of people from this era are uh...harsh? They really don't sugarcoat peoples features- if you have a big nose... they WILL let you know. So, if he did have chicken pox scaring, it would probably be mentioned.
Or maybe everyone just kind of... let it go?
And of course, he could ask his painter to remove the blemishes in his portrait
Knowing how people looked back, then, is very challenging. physical descriptions could be given from unreliable narrators,distorted by the persons status, idolized and so much more.
On the topic of Marmont and chicken pox scaring...I guess we will never know
Also
THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕
I'm so glad you like my stupid stuff ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for asking me and have a wonderful day :-)
#napoleonic era#auguste de marmont#napoleonic wars#napoleon bonaparte#marmont#auguste marmont#answering asks#auguste frédéric louis viesse de marmont
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In his eyes...
#Trigun#Trigun Stampede#Vashwood#Nicholas D. Wolfwood#Vash the Stampede#I made this over a year ago and never got around to posting it#just a little parallel I had noticed and hadn't seen pointed out#someone else may have done this in the interim but I'm just posting some old stuff that I never posted#now that I'm back to using this blog some ^_^#made by wingfooted#used the dub dialogue bc the parallel is more clear given the nearly identical dialogue#but I think the spirit of the parallel exists in both
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about “romani isn't a race” i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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Logging out for a while, love you miss you <3
#idk when I'll be back on#I think maybe end of the month to test the waters but we'll see#someone was having a bad day and decided to take it out in my inbox last night#and then when I logged off they got mad I didn't answer and sent a few more 🤪#usually I'm pretty good at rationalizing these things. gen z feels like the only place they have power is on the internet so of course when#they're angry and scared they're going to come after the people that they can actually reach#(and that includes me; proud owner of an anime thirst blog with 6 followers <3)#what they need is a hug and a copy of the anarchist protest guide and maybe a community garden; not someone responding to them with more#anger#but as I stated. I'm exhausted.#anyway. this is all to say#if you're feeling so much kinetic energy from rage that you feel the best way to get rid of it is to yell at some rando on the internet#use that energy to do something productive#sign up for a protest; volunteer at your local soup kitchen; teach crafts at the library.#a lot of people need a lot of help right now; why waste time shouting into the void when you could be doing something with genuine impact#the world needs helpers more than ever#if you made it this far thank u I love you; and stay safe out there cowboys 💞
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sorry to boohoo whine woe is me but girl i am so sick to death of being hungry. every DAY you have to eat sometimes multiple times a day. and while i know how lucky i am that i have the means to acquire food my options are 1. eat junk food 2. go out of my house and spend 1 million dollars at some fast food chain i'm probably supposed to boycotting 3. remain hungry. and i have to make this decision multiple times a day!!!!!
#personal#hurricane blogging lol#we were going to my brother's house for at least one hot meal a day#but he's out of town for work and he's also fucking sick of us#what's worse is that every time i do get access to hot food i eat as much as i can hoping that it will be longer before i get hungry again#and then overeating just makes me feel bad in a different direction#i'm gonna gain 20lbs and feel hungry the entire fucking time#anyway my mom had the bright idea to try hot dogs#the grill is too dirty to use and she hates cleaning it but we do have a little stove eye with it#so whwn they get back from some church concert theyre gonna go to the store and then drop by my aunts house so she can feed her cats#and THEN we will boil hot dogs. at least 2 hours from now. delicious.
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#fishman island#ch644#i'm actually reading these chapters right now bc i know that fishman island is like.#a metaphor for racism and to some extent isolationism of communities#and how that allows for hatred to grow unchecked and hate is a very unproductive emotion#i dont think the hatred/dislike towards humans is entirely unprompted#i mean obviously we see how fishmen are treated above ground thats what sabaody is about#priming us for fishman island and the conflict here#since hody jones. you can see where his mindset comes from#and why he thinks that way. but at the end of the day he just wants mindless violence against the oppressive class#and that's just going to be unproductive and make things WORSE for EVERYONE#inb4 anyone says anything i am native american and have kinda sat with these feelings a lot#not about to go into my whole complicated feelings abt my own heritage here#that's what random posts on my main blog are for#but i also dont think otohime's idea of trying for peace without any violence was going to work either. not in the climate they were in#like its a very noble idea but at the end of the day... there does need to be some pushback but you have to target it in the right areas#like i think fisher tiger targeting the slave auctions is more of the direct action called for#and obviously people get caught in the crossfire on both sides.#but that is directed violence vs directionless violence ie what hody jones wants#its a bastardization of the cause to create more bloodshed than necessary. you know.#idk where i'm going with this anymore okay i'm gonna go back to queuing more sanjis
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With the recently announced Shovel Knight: Shovel of Hope DX, I figured there's no time like the present to bring an old favorite back into the spotlight... hey, Yacht Club Games! How about another character to play through the first campaign as? I have just the girl for the job...
Making her first appearance on this blog since 2020, witness the return of the Fated Acolyte, now sporting a brand-new look! 💜🖤💜🖤💜
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star's OCs#Shovel Knight#The Fated Acolyte#Shovel Knight OC#Self-Insert#S/I#Aseprite#Sprite Art#Pixel Art#Coolness#B e h o l d . . . THE FATED ACOLYTE IS BACK!!! 💜🖤💜🖤💜#And now... she's a girl!#It was only right to redesign the Fated Acolyte to better represent who I am as a person now contrary to four years ago#But y'know what the best part about being a transgender Shovel Knight fan is?#It means that I can use the Fated Acolyte's previous design as her Body Swap design!#With a new design comes a new sprite and that meant getting to flex my spriting prowess#I think I've come quite a long way in the four years since her last visual appearance on this blog!#At some point I would very much love to attempt the Pocket Dungeon style and draw a portrait of her in its style#As well as a chibi overworld sprite. It'd take many references but I'm wholly certain I can pull it off#And lastly... with the Fated Acolyte's new female identity... this means that her relationship with The Enchantress is now yuri#And honestly? It just feels so right 🏳️⚧️✨
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