#now only comic relief is Amelia

[kiluleib]

Like I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy multiple seasons ago. Like when Arizona left, i think. it's been a while

But now i somehow fell upon it again and started watching staring season 5.

Who was going to tell me how actually funny the show was back then. Like the Christina and George and sexually confused Mark. Izzy is annoying tho 👀.

[horsetailcurlers2]

YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching grey’s anatomy for the first time (season FIFTEEN, bc i’m actually not sick of these yet)

-i don’t like this whole “she’s not really your sister” thing. like, it’s played for comedic effect and teddy is clearly just hormonal and panicking so whatever but i don’t like that.

-i don’t want to rehash owen x amelia. yawn. nor do i want to rehash owen x teddy. yawner.

-i like that we’re getting a *little* deeper into helms crush on meredith and that it’s not just comic relief

-why are there no doctors above the age of 45 in this entire hospital besides richard? they’re all so pretty, but at what cost?

-something is going to happen to this pregnant nurse… there’s a lot of focus on her out of the blue

-i love that almost this entire intern class is at least mildly gay

-bailey is pissing me off

-ted mosby!!! he looks a little slovenly for a date tbh. not to sound judgmental but like, she’s all dressed up and he isn’t.

-this guy is way chiller than ted mosby. i like this for her. i hope it doesn’t turn out really bad but i know it probably will

-is it worth it to watch station 19?? i kind of don’t want to tbh

-i forgot teddy was in new york until her friend passed in 9/11. i’m imagining an au in which teddy and addison knew each other in NYC in the 90s bc i think they should’ve interacted more

-the undiagnosable stomach issue is so clearly this patient’s suspicious heirloom lunch pail. like, duh.

-okay well i was wrong about that and now i’m embarrassed that i predicted that with such smug sureness and authority.

-playing “chasing cars” in spanish for the día de los muertos episode is an interesting choice. i think i like it??

-nurse debbie!!!! it’s been a while

-okay nvm that is NOT nurse debbie. they just have the same bangs

-everyone gets to have a tumor on this show. YOU get a tumor! YOU get a tumor!! and YOU get a tumor!!!

-richard no :(

-RICHARD, NO >:(

-as much as i hate the owen/amelia dynamic, i really LOVE this whole amelia and betty thing

-i DO NOT like meredith/deluca

-the only relationship that doesn’t completely bore or frustrate me right now is alex/jo but even then, they’re just kind of there, yk?

-i love that meredith has one format of outfit that she likes and that works for her and she sticks to it. relatable AF.

-why didn’t miranda just have a conversation with ben before she sprung the separation on him? he would have been more than understanding i think

-i really like teddy and koracick actually

-i’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop with betty :(

-did they change out writers and/or show runners?? the writing feels… cheesier almost? or maybe just like the emotional beats are less earned? i mean it’s always been delightfully soapy but it’s just different these past couple of seasons and i can’t put my finger on it

-betty/britney’s mom is baby from dirty dancing?????!!!!!

-alex just straight up not being able to understand the scottish accents is so fucking funny.

-i love it when bokhee has lines

-“it’s a real fire!!” alex, gleefully and wrapped in a homemade knit scarf while indoors

-richards reaction to they/them pronouns is very interesting and i think it’s definitely an accurate portrayal of how even the generally accepting and well meaning older people can sometimes struggle with that kind of stuff. like, he’s not trying to be ignorant or rude he’s just genuinely perplexed. “the world moves fast and i’m just trying to keep up”

-i SWEAR TO GOD if teddy gets back with owen instead of staying with tom i will start hitting things

-“you suffered for years bc of my brother so you should totally get together and move in with him”- megan hunt in a wig that’s almost as terrible as her advice

-nancy!!!

-the shepherd family dynamic is so interesting to me because we’ve heard about it from two different perspectives over the years (derek’s and things amelia has said mostly in PP) and what we’ve seen of them is mostly from derek and meredith’s perspective in which they seem nice if a bit overbearing.

-okay jeez kathleen is a piece of work. i’ve always liked nancy even though she is “mcbitchy”. i also can’t help but to think about how addison fit into all of this when she and derek were married lol.

-has amelia ever told her family about christopher?

-stop trying to push owen and teddy on me!!!! i hate it!!

-that is insurance fraud babe. is there not a way for them to do it pro bono or something??

-okay i can sense that teddy and owen is going to happen so i will not make any more notes about it bc all i have to say about it is some variation of “no! i hate it!”

-okay i lied because the way teddy is going about it makes me deeply upset. poor tom. also “he makes me laugh and feel safe but i don’t feel rage or passion or ecstasy” ????? i should hope you don’t feel rage??? owen hunt makes me enraged too but that doesn’t mean i want to kiss him on the mouth!!! jesus christ. just fuck tom i guess, right?

-WOAH. i was not vibing with merluca but he’s willing to go to prison for her??!!!

-there’s no way they’re really fired . meredith owns a good chunk of the hospital still, right??? not to mention there’s maybe three characters on this show that *haven’t* committed crimes/major ethical violations.

-i’ve been beefing with jackson for a few seasons now tbh

[schreibvibe]

oh my god YES you described his earlier characters so well!!! i’m such a sucker for his late 90s-early 00s roles 😩 my fav has to be stuart from kate & leopold (i may or not have his entire passage of time/colourblind dog monologue memorised from watching it so much) 💘 although having watched walking and talking recently for the first time i have to say andrew was adorable too!! as were jerry and carl and hell, even joe (spinning boris)

do you have any favourites?? 🌻

You and me both! That era of his filmography is just (chef's kiss)

I first knew him from Origins, Salt, and Kate & Leopold; out of those three I love Stuart the most because as you just mentioned, that monologue is timeless. TV Tropes said everyone in that movie was cast according to their typecast at that time and his was along the lines of "dorky supporting character, part-cosmic plaything part-comic relief" which as you know was not inaccurate haha

But the best part is how he never fails to make those roles seem so well-rounded, when in the hands of another actor they could've just been milking it for comedy and that's it. It's the small moments like Amelia waking Andrew up so he can hold the steering wheel as she takes off her sweater then letting him to use the sweater as a pillow afterwards. Carl excitedly going up to his idol and freaking him out in the process. Even that stupid little bit when Jerry accidentally dropped the phone on himself. Every single time he takes them as they're written and manages to make them so endearingly human

Sorry talking about his characters from those days always makes me ready to write a whole essay dkfjfkdfhkjdhkf

As for my personal faves, it changes every time but right now it's probably: Chris from Mixed Nuts, Raymond Prentiss Shaw (dare I say his best cinematic performance of all time), both Martys Kantrowitz and Baron, Paul from Spring Forward (which probably only six people have watched including me, but if you or anyone else reading this haven't, couldn't recommend it enough!)

[tasam1075]

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Exhibition

It was only the fact that both Scott and Virgil were holding her hands that prevented, an extremely excited, Chloe from running into the melee that was the entrance for the exhibition.

"huwwy, huwwy"

she called as she tried, in vain, to persuade the two adults to move faster.

Scott and Virgil looked at each other, over Chloe's head, before a grinning Scott picked up his niece and set her on his shoulders.

Chloe squealed in delight at her new perspective, she could see everything now.

"Where do we start?"

Scott asked, perfectly willing to let Virgil take the lead for once.

Virgil looked at the map of the exhibition that he was holding before making his decision.

Scott followed his brother as Virgil made his way towards the historical area of the exhibition.

"looks funny"

Scott just laughed at Chloe's comment, he'd let Virgil explain the finer points of the artist engineer that was Leonardo Da Vinci.

Scott just cast his pilots eye over the models that had been made from the artists drawings.

He was still amazed that the models, even though they looked (and were) extremely primitive, were actually capable of short flight.

Whilst Scott, Virgil and Chloe were enjoying the exhibition Maddie and Becky were preparing for the secret aspect of their planned day, Becky's scan.

"How do you think they're getting on?"

"Depends on who's taking the lead. Scott will probably focus on the fastest jets while Virgil will probably be more interested in the historical areas"

Maddie's answer almost surprised Becky but Becky thought about Scott's preference for the fastest aircraft in the family fleet and found herself agreeing with Maddie's assessment of the situation

"and Chloe?"

"She'll just demand to see everything"

Both women just laughed at that as they gathered their coats and left the hotel for their 'shopping' trip.

"ugwy bug"

Chloe's statement had both Scott and Virgil confused.

They had come through the historical parts of the exhibition both amazed at the achievements of the Montgolfier and Wright brothers, although Chloe had been more impressed by the achievements of Harriet Quimby and Amelia Earhart , and had, somehow, found themselves in the International Rescue area of the exhibition.

They'd both planned to skip this part of the exhibition but Chloe had other ideas, she had to see everything.

They both looked at the painting that was the subject of Chloe's comment and had to suppress their laughter.

It was an almost comical representation of Thunderbird 2

"Daddy's bug better"

"What do you mean?"

Scott asked, almost fearing what her answer would be.

"on Gramps wall"

Scott and Virgil looked at each other in confusion until they both realised what Chloe was talking about.

"I painted that when I was five"

Scott just laughed at Virgil's indignation, hiding his relief at what Chloe meant.

"It is a better 'bug' though"

Virgil just glared at his brother whilst Chloe giggled at her father's reaction, before dragging her uncle towards the 'artistic' impressions of the rest of the Thunderbirds. Both relieved that none of the impressions bore any resemblance to the actual craft.

After trying not to laugh at the more ludicrous representations of the 'birds', whilst hiding their relief at the fact that none of them bore any true resemblance to the actual craft, they ventured into the final area of the exhibition - high speed flight.

Becky held the envelope, almost reverently, as she and Maddie made their way into the cosy corner of the small exclusive coffee shop that they both enjoyed, even if Maddie would have preferred a coffee, the hot chocolate was the perfect example of liquid decadence.

"Doesn't seem real, does it?"

Maddie knew that it was more of a metaphorical question, but in all the years that she'd know Becky her friend hadn't had such a pleasant life changing event. Becky's past had enough heartbreak for a dozen lifetimes, surely she deserved some happiness at last.

"Is it really true?"

Maddie had to smile at Becky's, almost disbelieving, half pleading question

"Yes it's true, that's your baby"

"Mine and Scott's"

There was still more disbelief and amazement in Becky's voice as she looked at the tangible proof in her hand, a simple image of her unborn child (a son although she wasn't going to tell Scott that bit yet)

"A new horizon for you both"

Maddie smiled as she saw the look of serene calm on Becky's face, she could stop worrying about her friend now.

"How are you going to tell him now?"

Maddie had her own idea but this had to be Becky's decision.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Everything Has Changed (19x01)

And we're back!

Cons:

Nick is so boring! I still don't care, I wish they'd phased him out between seasons, it would have been so easy to do. You know how Meredith is gonna be less of a prominent focus this season, what with all these new interns? Apparently she's only going to appear in about a third of the season's episodes. If that's the new normal, or if she's leaving for good after this season and the show continues on, they should have just given her a new off-screen boyfriend who we never got to meet, or something. I miss Andrew DeLuca. Heavy heavy sigh. The point being, this episode shows Meredith and Nick rehashing the drama from the season finale months ago, where Nick walked away and went back to Minnesota, and Meredith stayed in Seattle. The degree to which I do not care about this cannot be overstated. I hope we don't spend too much time with Nick.

Teddy and Owen are back and already bickering with each other, so that's... fun, apparently. Turns out Owen conveniently got all criminal charges dropped and he's back, he just has to be supervised for six months? Look, you know I'm not a fan of Owen, and I'd just as soon brush past all his drama and bullshit, but that's so much buildup for so little payoff! Is that really the end of the whole saga of Owen performing unauthorized death with dignity on people? Yeesh, what a waste of time.

Pros:

This show is good at renewing itself again and again; there have been so many characters over the years who got folded in as new leads that I grew to love as much as the original gang, and that's a super rare thing on TV! Bringing in a whole new crop of interns is something we've done before, but never with so much emphasis, I don't think.

And to be honest? I'm on board! Obviously one episode isn't enough to fully get into the nuances of these five new characters, but I was impressed by how much they're already sticking with me. There's the one that Link slept with, there's Griffith whose mother died at this hospital when she was born, there's Harry Shum Jr. as the cocky kid "Blue" who is bound to get his ego knocked down a peg, there's Derek's nephew, quintessential screw-up who Meredith says reminds her of Amelia, another black sheep in the family with a spark of genius...

There's a lot of promise here! We're seeing the beginnings of friendships, of rivalries, dynamics with the attendings. I could see myself getting really attached to these newbies, the same way I found myself really attached to Jo, or any number of other characters who were folded into the show after it had been on the air for a long time. We'll have to see!

But turning to the characters I already know and love... Schmitt! Getting to be chief resident! I'm so proud of this guy, I can't even stand it. The comedy bits about him hating his residency with Jo were great, as was Jo's vindictive anger at him stepping away. Jo was in fine form as comic relief this week in general, honestly, laughing with infectious delight at Link's sleeping-with-an-intern situation.

And Meredith, while I am not a fan of the romance stuff with Nick, I do like seeing her in charge, seeing her do a good job. For years now, they've been tamping down on the super high octane personal drama with Meredith: yes, she still nearly died of COVID and all that, but her internal emotional life has mellowed down quite a lot. I really like that as a way to keep this character around after so many years of the show, and seeing her in a mentorship role, making the speech to the new baby interns, was really neat!

The actual medical issue at hand here is dealing with several brain dead patients who are potential organ donors. One of the interns (Derek's nephew) makes a terrible mistake and communicates with the wrong family, nearly depriving a mother of the chance to say goodbye to her son before he is cut open in order to save another person's life in a triple transplant surgery. This causes no end of strife, but in the end the transplant goes forward and is successful. I liked the intern, Blue, who gave the heartfelt speech about his dead sibling who donated their organs when they died in a crash, and got the mother to agree, before turning around and saying "yeah, I made that all up." Good stuff. I think if I had to pick, he'd be an early favorite for me, among the new intern crowd.

And that's where I'll leave off for now. Much to consider in how our various characters will be developed: the new faces, old faces, Grey Sloan Memorial's second chance as a teaching hospital... chaos awaits, and I'm along for the ride as always!

8/10

[daisugababy]

Btw its also a huge double standard that since their introduction, nico and taryn have not been made a series regulars when link, hayes, winston, and nick and koracick all have. Almost all of those were introduced as LIs for meredith and like I get it kind of get it bc its her show but also rose wasnt a regular in s4. Or ben wasnt a regular for a long time. Even callie and arizona were recurring characters first. But now every LI is immediately a main, unless its nico who is on the show 4+ seasons without promotion. So levi is the only main who’s stories get compromised by his immediate contacts being recurring. Also The absolute biggest failure of this show is their inability to introduce new interns past jo’s year. This show was founded on interns/residents navigating their way through medicine and life, and because they feel the need to saturate the show with unessecary characters that compliment the main characters. Since Jo’s year the only interns that have been developed at all are deluca (who was watered down to serial LI and then once he was given a substantial solo plot was killed off) and levi (who is reduced to comic relief and when they finally write him advancing in his medical career its a rehashed plot they used for his bf 3 seasons ago). That is almost TEN seasons where no significant intern class was introduced. I cannot stress enough how much better this show would be if greys would have introduced levi, taryn, qadri and casey etc as regulars and had them navigate internship and residency with meredith, amelia, maggie, jackson and alex filling the roles that richard, derek, mark, addison and burke did in the first few seasons. Jo and deluca could have filled bailey’s s1 role. LI characters like link, hayes, winston, etc can all be introduced as recurring characters and maybe promoted if they become more relevant. Write owen off the show instead of bringing teddy back (especially bc recent seasons have ruined her character for me and I dont think Im alone in that). Its all so simple but instead greys waters down their cast with under developed characters to the point where you dont even care when they make mistakes/learn from them.

Tl;dr: greys but the current main cast is bailey, richard, meredith, amelia, maggie, jo, deluca, levi, helm, casey, qadri with most of the LIs being recurring characters (also sorry for the rant, I didnt intend for that lol)

ALL. OF. THAT.

This is a peak quality rant and I always welcome rants in this house.

You know what's funny? I completely forgot that Levi was supposed to be a main. Because he is not treated like one at all. But also how could he when the cast is fully packed.

They need to write out people. And with that I don't mean the newer ones like the B-Team or Nico or Hayes, but people like Owen and Teddy (or even Mer, ffs she's been through enough). Just give the characters a happy ending and spend the time you got now on the newer cast.

(I wanna keep Hayes though if we're keeping Mer. for... reasons..... LOL)

[phantasticworks]

If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter Twenty-Two

guess who's back! Back again! I am back! With a new chapter friends! *please check the tags for an important new tw about this chapter*

read on ao3

Words: 10.3k 

Summary: Dan and Phil get closer to their truth.

Warnings for this chapter: swearing, allusions to past abuse/neglect, mild (very mild) smut at the end

After hours of testing and far too many people poking and prodding at their son, the hospital finally releases Jaiden, with a prescription to be filled for a brand new inhaler. Dan’s beyond nervous about this new development, but he saves his breakdown until they get home, where he hopes he can cry in the shower in peace.

Everyone is exhausted and starved by the time they finally make it inside the flat, Phil carrying Jaiden’s tired self inside and taking him straight to the lounge. Luckily, Phil had the foresight to order burgers on the way home, and Dan takes a moment to be relieved that he won’t have to cook. Still, the only thing keeping him from going straight to bed, besides the fact that it’s only about six in the evening, is the nervous energy thrumming in his veins. He tries not to hover around Jaiden too much, knowing it makes him nervous as well, but he almost can’t help it.

This results in Phil all but dragging him into the kitchen, asking the kids to pick out a film while they talk. As soon as they’re in the kitchen, and safe from wandering eyes and little ears, Dan allows a shallow sob to escape him. “Oh, bear,” Phil whispers, his voice dripping in something soft and affectionate. He doesn’t hesitate before pulling Dan into a hug, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing, his hands bunching up Dan’s sweater at his hips.

Dan loops his arms around Phil’s shoulders, hiding his face against the pale neck, just a breath away. He tries to control his crying to something quieter, but his body is shaking with it, as Phil tries desperately to quiet him, stroking a hand over his hair in long sweeps. “I was so scared,” Dan gasps through the tears.

“I know,” Phil whispers, his lips brushing against Dan’s ear. Dan can’t repress the shiver the feeling causes. “But Jaiden’s fine. He’s okay, Dan. You did so well, getting him to A&E and everything. I’m so proud of you.” Somewhere in the words of encouragement and comfort, Phil starts pressing kisses to Dan’s jaw, and Dan feels the tingling heat left behind from every brush of his lips. He hates himself for how affected he is by something so stupid.

“If something had happened to him...” Dan starts, shivering at the thought as his stomach lurches with nausea.

Phil tugs his hair gently, pulling Dan’s face away to force steely eye contact. “It didn’t,” he says, his voice quiet but firm. “You got him there in time, and now we know what to do if it happens again. Don’t try to blame yourself for this, Dan.”

“But if-“

Phil shakes his head, cutting him off immediately. “No. You- you’re such a good dad, Dan. Seriously. The way you take care of them, the way you’d do anything for them...” he shakes his head again, something like mystified admiration swirling in the flecks of green in his eyes. “It’s one of the many things I love about you, okay? So just... don’t. You did the best thing for him, and you saved his life.”

Dan’s quiet for a long moment, slowly moving to rest his head back on Phil’s shoulder, pressing his damp face against Phil’s throat. “Okay,” he finally whispers. He presses a fleeting kiss to Phil’s neck, leaving his lips there to feel the way Phil swallows hard.

He’s just about to say something else, his stomach swirling with anxiety about the conversation he knows they need to have, but he’s interrupted by the melodic sound of the doorbell going.

Phil slowly extracts himself from Dan’s arms. “I’ll get it,” he offers, pressing a brief kiss to the corner of Dan’s mouth. “How about you go back to the lounge and make sure the kids picked a good film? I’ll bring the food and drinks up.”

Dan shakes his head, gesturing to the refrigerator. “I’ll get the drinks. I need a moment to... you know, not look like a crying mess,” he says through a wet laugh.

There’s something briefly sad that flickers in Phil’s gaze, and then he’s nodding, brushing a curl out of Dan’s face. “Alright. See you upstairs?”

Dan nods, giving him a small half-smile. Phil gives him a searching look before he finally leaves, headed to retrieve their food from the delivery man. After taking a moment to wipe his eyes and collect himself, Dan heads to the cupboard and grabs five cups, deciding it’s easier to carry them up empty and pour the drinks in when they get settled. Phil beats him to the lounge, and upon climbing the last step, Dan finds him distributing food to each of the kids. Dan pauses to watch the way Phil crouches down to cut Mia’s burger into pieces like she likes it, without her even asking. It warms Dan’s heart to see the way Phil acts with them, and he doesn’t know if that feeling will ever truly fade.

“Ribena okay with everyone?” Dan asks, finally stepping into the room. He’s got the stack of cups tucked into the crook of his elbow, the bottle of Ribena in one hand and the water pitcher in the other.

The kids chorus their agreements, and Dan quirks an eyebrow at Phil as he steps closer to the sofa. “Can you-“ he says, nodding at the glasses in his arm.

“Oh-“ Phil says, jumping to action. He takes the cups, and then the water pitcher, unstacking the cups so Dan can begin pouring.

“What’re we watching, guys?” Dan asks, glancing across the coffee table at the twins, who are sat in the floor, devouring their dinner.

“Kung Fu Panda,” Amelia answers around a bite of hamburger.

Dan’s nose crinkles but he doesn’t correct this behavior, just this once. Phil shoots him a knowing grin, and Dan pretends he doesn’t catch it. They finish pouring the right ratio of Ribena to water, and luckily Dan remembered to grab a long spoon to give them a quick stir. The children are mostly quiet as they eat, already focused on the film, so Dan and Phil quietly retreat to their sofa with their food, falling into a comfortable place beside each other as they eat.

They watch the film with little to no conversation, which Dan easily attributes to the long, exhausting day they’ve had. He can’t even consider staying up past the end of the film, and by the time everyone’s finished eating, there’s more than half an hour left. Dan stacks all the takeaway boxes for an easier disposal, then shifts to sit back on the sofa to wait out the rest of the film. Phil holds his arm out invitingly beside him, and Dan barely sends him a thankful glance before he leans into that comforting warmth.

Phil’s hand rests on his shoulder, his fingers scratching at the material of his jumper absently. Dan sighs. “Okay?” Phil breathes.

“Mhm. Exhausted,” Dan replies.

Phil makes a sympathetic little noise, much like he would to an animal, and Dan feels a fuzzy warmth flood his chest. “Nap for a bit, love. Everything’s fine. I’ll wake you when the film’s over.”

Dan nearly groans with relief at the very idea. “God, you’re actually my favorite human on earth, you know that?” He mumbles, getting comfortable, burrowing in against Phil’s chest, which does a little earthquake against Dan’s cheek.

“I’ll remind you that the next time I borrow some of your cereal,” Phil says, his voice full of quiet amusement.

Dan blinks an eye open at him. “It’s not borrowing if you can’t give it back,” he grouches. He’s not actually ill about it. He never could be, really.

Phil’s lip twitches. “I could regurgitate it to you like a baby bird.” Dan gags, and Phil laughs again.

Before Dan can even begin unpacking that, they’re interrupted by a tiny voice approaching them. It’s probably comical how they both look up at the same time, smiling at their child, who mirrors the expression.

“Can I come cuddle with you guys?” Jaiden asks, holding his latest stuffed dinosaur under his arm.

Dan nods, tugging on the blanket he and Phil’d draped over their laps earlier. “Of course, bubby. Come here.”

Jaiden crawls under the blanket, ending up pressed sort of half-between them, sitting mostly atop Dan’s thighs, with his back leaned against Phil’s chest. Dan bites his tongue on a laugh, sharing a look with Phil, who rolls his eyes. “You comfy, Jai?” Phil asks, rubbing a hand over his frizzy hair.

Nodding, Jaiden snuggles against his chest, digging his feet into one of Dan’s thighs to get situated. Dan winces, his leg twitching automatically. Of course this doesn’t go unnoticed to Phil, who gives him a little smile before gently adjusting Jaiden’s little body on his lap. “Here, bub, move your legs, you’re hurting Daddy.”

“Sorry,” Jaiden mumbles to Dan, half-heartedly paying attention to him. He allows himself to be maneuvered until his legs are hanging over Dan’s lap, Phil’s arm holding him up against his chest. Dan looks at the two of them for a minute, his eyes flickering up to meet Phil’s, something warm fizzing in his chest. Phil meets that gaze with a soft wink, and Dan forces himself to look away.

~~~

When the movie finally ends, Dan offers to carry Jaiden to bed while Phil and Levi clean up the mess from dinner. Amelia, surprisingly energetic for what time it is, offers to help clean. Dan’s glad to have a minute alone, carefully taking the stairs to get to the twins’ room. Jaiden is all but dead to the world, limp and heavier than usual in Dan’s arms. Dan wants to laugh or maybe cry with relief that he’s still here, that this was a minor thing that they now have a solution for. His heart aches at the idea that the day could’ve ended very differently.

Somehow he manages to get Jaiden settled into bed, dinosaur plushy tucked against his side, without so much as a stir. Dan probably takes longer than he should tucking him in, taking a moment to just hover his hand above his mouth to feel the warm puffs of breath, ensuring without a doubt that he’s okay.

That how Amelia and Phil find him a few minutes later, and Dan doesn’t even have the energy to feel embarrassed about it. He catches Phil’s gaze for a second, watching the flicker of fondness before looking away. “C’mon, Mia, into bed,” Dan says quietly, moving over to her bed to tuck her in.

She’s quiet as she settles down, allowing Dan to smooth the blankets over her. When he asks which plushy she wants, she points to her lion, and Dan can’t help but glance over at Phil with a smirk. Rolling his eyes, Phil steps close to him, looping an arm around his shoulders and kissing his head. “Do you need anything else, Mia?”

Amelia shakes her head, but immediately holds her arms out for a hug. Of course Dan obliges at once before scooting away to allow Phil to do the same. “Is Jaiden going to be okay?” She whispers, looking over at her brother with something sad in her eyes.

Dan brushes her hair back gently, offering her a smile. “He’ll be okay, yeah. He’s got an inhaler, and now Dad and I know what to do if it happens again.”

She nods, petting the lion’s fur absently. “Can I get a new toy tomorrow? Since Jai got one?”

Dan tries his best to stifle a laugh, looking pointedly at her bed, almost entirely covered with stuffed animals of various shapes and sizes. “Um...” he trails off, looking to Phil for an answer.

The older man chews his lip in thought before giving him a sheepish shrug. “I mean... personally, I’d want a toy too, if I were her.”

Amelia cheers quietly and Dan rolls his eyes at the absolutely ridiculousness of it all. “You’re both spoiled, I think that’s what I’m hearing.”

Phil kisses Dan’s cheek so softly that Dan barely has time to register it before he’s already pulling away. “Maybe,” he agrees with a quiet smile. “But that’s just as much your fault as mine.”

Dan sighs, helpless. “I can’t even argue with you there.”

There’s a squeeze to his shoulder as Phil giggles, and then that hand slides down to pat his shoulder blade. “C’mon, Dan. It’s past our bedtime.”

Amelia makes a thoughtful face. “Aren’t you adults?” When Dan nods, she sighs, staring up at the ceiling. “When I’m an adult, I won’t have a bedtime.” She sounds wistful.

Dan snorts a quiet laugh before patting her arm gently. “Alright, lovebug. Sweet dreams.” With another kiss to her forehead, he stands, making sure that the night lights are switched on before he leads the way out of their room. He feels Phil’s hand slip into his own as they go, and he squeezes it almost unconsciously.

They’re quiet as they dress in their pajamas and go through their regular nightly routine. Dan’s head is buzzing with thoughts that feel too loud in the silence. He’s honestly not sure how Phil can’t hear them with how they scream, even from where he’s at in the bathroom. Dan tugs on a t-shirt, opting out of pajama bottoms in favor of just his usual pants. Phil comes back into their room and plugs his phone up, settling in his side of bed with a little sigh. When he catches Dan looking at him, he smiles. “Are you tired?”

Dan shrugs, then nods. “Yeah.”

Phil nods knowingly. “I want to talk before we go to sleep,” he says, voice apologetic.

Forcing a nod, Dan steps into the bathroom without a word, brushing his teeth methodically and taking his medicine when he’s finished. He feels anxious and fidgety, his fingers tapping out an uneven rhythm against his thigh as he stalls. He doesn’t want to go to bed, where he knows he’ll have to talk to Phil and explain the events of the day, away from little ears. But he can’t just loiter in the bathroom, so finally he forces himself back into the bedroom and straight into bed.

Phil’s sat up, watching Dan climb into bed. It’s not as if they never look at each other but something about Phil’s unwavering gaze crawls under his skin, making him feel hot and something like embarrassed.

Phil doesn’t let him feel it for long.

“Come here,” he whispers, holding his arms out for Dan to snuggle into. Dan goes willingly, his eyes already leaking with tears that he didn’t even know he had left to cry. “Shh, shh. You’re okay. Everything’s fine, love.”

“I...” he hesitates. But he wants to say this, for both of them. “I want to tell you what happened at the park.”

Phil makes a weak noise. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he assures Dan quietly. “I know... I know that was hard for you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Dan shakes his head, leaning away from Phil. He can’t help but feel trapped in his arms, at least for now. “Not just the asthma attack. I, um...” he’s not sure why but he briefly considers sharing the phone call with his mum. That’s absolutely, one hundred percent off limits. At least for now. “I had a conversation with Jaiden, before, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Okay...” Phil says slowly. He seems to realize that this means a lot to Dan, even without knowing what it is. He hesitates before dropping his hand to Dan’s thigh, his thumb stroking gently over the bare skin. “I’m listening,” he says softly.

Dan takes a deep breath, then begins to speak.

~~~

Dan tells him everything. He tells him how his heart hurt when Jaiden said he wished that he was biologically theirs. He tells him his fear of losing these children, of having to give them up to someone else, even if it is a better life. He talks about how his heart stopped when Amelia told him what happened to Jaiden, how fast it started beating when he found Jaiden on the ground, gasping for breath. He tells him how it felt to hear Jaiden cry the entire drive to A&E.

Phil listens intently, and doesn’t interrupt a single time. He strokes a hand over Dan’s thigh, eventually moving on to stroke his hair after gathering Dan up in his arms. When Dan cries, Phil makes soft, comforting noises in the back of his throat, wiping at the wetness pooled beneath Dan’s eyes with gentle fingertips. When Dan is finished speaking, he tucks his face into Phil’s neck, sniffling. Phil is quiet for a long time.

When he speaks, it’s not what Dan’s expecting to hear. “What would you do if they weren’t with us?” Dan makes a confused noise, and Phil clears his throat. “I... like, if they leave. How... how is that going to change our... situation?”

Dan always tries, really tries, not to let the idea of losing their little family get to him. He keeps it as far from the front of his mind as possible, and Phil has to know that by now. But even Dan has the sense to know that things can’t just stay this way forever, not really. So he forces himself to actually think about a life without the kids.

A life where they don’t have three children to feed, to read bedtime stories to, or watch movies with. A life without the sound of little feet thundering upstairs, and without the nightly cuddles Dan has become so very attached to. A life with empty bedrooms, an empty dining table, an empty flat.

A life that Phil will likely no longer feel the need to be a permanent part of, now that he’s experienced it and realizes just how hard it is to be a parent. A life where Phil sleeps in the guest room, and eventually moves out-because of course he actually does want a real family, and a real partner, rather than this game of house Dan’s given him.

A life where Dan has to cope with the idea, alone, that this- this life they have now, is the happiest he’s ever been in his whole life, because he’s sharing it with the man he’s never really fallen out of love with.

And that life mocks him from afar, a creeping spectator from the shadows in the corner, because he’s weak. He’s weak and will probably never have the guts to tell Phil the truth, not really.

So instead of saying any of that, Dan clears his throat, shifting out of Phil’s embrace. “I don’t know,” he whispers hoarsely.

Phil has something devastating in his eyes, something Dan can’t name, but he nods slowly. “Well... maybe we need to start thinking about that.”

Dan’s breath catches and it takes him a moment to speak but when he does, it’s to the sheets, unable to meet Phil’s eyes. “They’re my kids, Phil. In every way that matters, this- you guys are my whole world now. I don’t... I don’t know what I’m supposed to do if they ever get taken away.” The “I don’t know how to live without this, without you,” is unspoken.

Phil kisses his hair. He’s quiet for a while, and finally he sighs. “I know, bear. I feel the same way.”

Dan chews on his lip, thoughtful. “What did you think about what Hazel said earlier?” His heart pounds as he waits for Phil to say something, anything that might make his heart hurt less.

“I think... that we need to think about that some more.” His words are slow, careful. Dan nearly cringes away. Phil continues, unaware. “That’s a very permanent decision, Daniel. And...” Phil’s voice trails off, and Dan swallows a sob.

“I guess we’re not really permanent, are we?” Dan asks, almost bitterly. Not even almost- he’s actually very bitter about it- about all of this. He rolls until he’s laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, gripping at his chest and begging for his heart to stop hurting.

“That’s not what I said,” Phil says softly, something like hurt in his voice. The mattress dips and suddenly a weight is on Dan’s chest and soft black hair is tickling his chin. Phil’s arms wrap around Dan’s waist and Dan takes a deep, steadying breath to calm his emotions. “You’re always going to be my best friend, Dan.” Phil whispers.

Dan can feel tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, but he tries desperately to blink them away as his arms come up to wrap around Phil’s waist. It’s one of the more compromising positions they’ve found themselves in, and as they settle into it, Phil’s thigh slips between Dan’s legs. When they’ve finally settled, Dan’s got a leg wrapped around one of Phil’s, and they’ve somehow both gotten their hands underneath each other’s shirts. It’s nice, Dan decides. “You’re mine too,” Dan says softly, his voice breaking.

Phil kisses his chest, a lingering, gentle thing. “You know why that’s important to me, right?” When Dan makes a humming noise in response, Phil nuzzles into his neck. He places one soft kiss to Dan’s jaw and then sighs. “You’re my favorite person, Dan. And that won’t ever change. But... doing this... adopting the kids, that’s big. That’s, you know...”

“More than you bargained for?” Dan interrupts, his voice irritated.

Phil makes a disagreeing noise. “No, Dan. This could never be anything less than exactly what I want. But we need to be on the same page about what we want. And right now... I don’t know if we are. And I think you should think about that more before we make a decision like this.”

Dan forces himself to steady his breathing. “Okay,” he whispers, his voice small.

The silence in the bedroom presses down on them, and Dan can’t find the words to dig their way out from under it. So instead he lies there, cheek pressed to Phil’s temple, struggling to breathe under the weight of what feels like the end of everything.

~~~

Sunday morning dawns cloudy and grey, like the weather decided to mirror Dan’s mood in whatever way it could. He stares at the ceiling, his heart heavy in his chest as he wonders whether or not today is going to be a bad day. He doesn’t hear steady breathing next to him like he does most mornings, and when his hand makes the journey across the sheets, they’re already chilled. Dan closes his eyes, picturing Phil getting their coffee ready for the morning. The thought very nearly makes him cry.

Determined to be a good parent and a good partner for the day, Dan forces himself out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. He’s so lost in his head that he doesn’t process the sound of the shower turning off, or the fact that the door is almost shut. His brain wakes up a little when he walks into a room full of steam.

He hears a squeak of surprise and his attention is jerked to the side, where Phil is stepping out of the shower. Naked. “Jesus, Dan!” He says with a breathy laugh. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

Dan’s sure his whole face is flushed red. He tries to look elsewhere, but when he sees Phil turn and reach for a towel, his eyes wander. It’s not the first time he’s seen him naked, but it’s the first time he’s seen him naked knowing what he knows about himself now. “I- you weren’t- I didn’t mean to-“ Dan stutters, trying to tear his eyes away from Phil’s perfect ass.

“It’s okay,” Phil says warmly. He finally wraps a towel around his waist, but his lip twitches with something like a smirk. The butterflies in Dan’s stomach are having a riot. “Did you need something?”

Something about the question, the reminder that Dan is intruding on Phil’s personal space, sets Dan’s head back into orbit. “No, um- sorry, I’ll go.”

Just as he’s turning around to do just that, he hears Phil make a small noise. “I don’t mind,” he says quietly.

Dan freezes. “What?” He asks, turning to face him.

Phil avoids his eyes, turning to the mirror to apply his face moisturizer. “I said I don’t mind. Like, it doesn’t bother me for you to be in here with me.”

“While you’re- you were-“ Dan has no idea what words he needs. He’s barely processed the fact that he saw his best friend’s dick, knowing that said best friend is also the person he’s in love with.

Phil looks straight into his eyes and nods. “I know.” He pauses, turning away to pat his hands dry. “You can stay in here, if you want.” It’s almost conversational, how he says it, gesturing for Dan to get on with his morning routine if he wants.

Dan feels like his brain is short-circuiting just a little bit. “I...”

Before he can finish whatever dim-witted sentence he had in store, Phil reaches down, untucking the towel from around his waist. He meets Dan’s gaze in the mirror, for just a second, before he reaches for the clothes that Dan is just noticing sat on the counter.

Dan can’t do it. He’s borderline hyperventilating, and his skin feels so hot he thinks it might melt right off his skeleton. And he can’t do this. It’s an open invitation, one with so many implications, but he can’t. He just can’t.

“I’ll go... um, make coffee,” he stutters out uselessly before scurrying out of the room. He doesn’t wait to see or hear Phil’s reaction.

~~~

Dan’s stirring milk and sugar into a Hello Kitty mug, going through the motions with little awareness of them. He’s completely on autopilot, preparing two cups of coffee like he does most mornings, leaving Phil’s on the table as he goes to stand out on the balcony. He just needs a moment of fresh- well, fresh enough- air to try and process what almost happened in the bathroom.

He’s known for years how attractive Phil is, and realizing he’s been in love with him this whole time has only exacerbated how attracted Dan is to him. Seeing him freshly showered and naked less than five minutes after waking up sent Dan’s brain into very dangerous territory, and just reliving the encounter now is causing his trousers to tighten. He takes a few deep breaths, focusing on the way he can see his own breath in the November cold rather than focusing on the fact that he’s got a very embarrassing problem going on in his pants.

Whatever chance he had at calming down is ripped away with the sound of the balcony door being pushed open. Dan startles, but sips his coffee and continues looking over the balcony rather than turn around. Just to be safe.

“Dan, why’re you out here without a coat? It’s freezing,” Phil chastises, his voice holding absolutely none of the turmoil Dan is feeling at the moment. Either Phil really was unaffected or he’s just very good at hiding it. Either way, it’s quite inconvenient.

“‘M not cold,” Dan mumbles, holding his coffee mug close to his chest.

“Sure,” Phil says after a beat, clearly disbelieving. There’s the sound of the door opening again, and Dan assumes Phil’s decided not to entertain his bullshit this morning. Dan’s not sure whether he should feel relieved or not.

Suddenly the door opens again and a moment later, Dan feels something soft and heavy being draped over his shoulders. “Here,” Phil says softly, running his hands up and down Dan’s arms to warm him. “I don’t want you catching a cold out here.” He presses a kiss to the back of Dan’s head, his hand ruffling through the curls for a moment before he steps beside him.

Dan nods. “Thanks,” he mumbles. He’s still reeling, mind flooded with images of droplets sliding down pale skin, fogged up mirrors-

“Are you okay? You’re breathing funny.” Phil is saying, his voice barely reaching Dan through the haze. Dan feels the way Phil’s hand wraps around his arm, but everything is still fuzzy. “Dan?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, gently pulling away from Phil’s grip. “I need to get dressed.”

Phil gives him an odd look, his hand hovering in the air between them like he’s attached to Dan by some invisible string. “Oh... okay?”

Dan doesn’t look back at him before he disappears back into the flat.

~~~

When Dan finally re-emerges from their bedroom, Phil is standing in the kitchen, phone pressed to his ear. Dan’s clearly coming in on the tail-end of the conversation, and he pretends to busy himself with making toast so he doesn’t look like he’s eavesdropping.

“Right, sure. I can meet you in, like, half an hour?” Phil is saying, pulling his phone away briefly to glance at the time. Whoever he’s speaking to must agree, because then he’s saying his goodbyes and hanging up. He taps on his phone briefly before sliding it into his pocket and looking over at Dan. Dan avoids his eyes. “I was going to make some pancakes,” Phil says mildly.

Dan shrugs one shoulder, staring at the toaster as he waits for the bread to pop up. “‘S fine. Who was that?” He asks, nodding in Phil’s general direction.

“Martyn, he wants to meet up. Evan is sick and I think Cornelia is sick of Mar hovering,” Phil says, snorting a laugh.

Dan tries to force himself to act like he isn’t bothered. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to hang out with Martyn? If Evan is sick and contagious, we could end up with a houseful of sick kids ourselves, and we don’t really need that right now.” His voice has an edge to it that he really wishes he could get rid of.

Phil is giving him an odd look when Dan risks a glance at him. “I think it’ll be fine. Evan just barely has a fever, if anything I think Cornelia just wanted to have an excuse to get Martyn out of the house for the day.”

The toast finally pops out of the toaster, giving Dan something to focus on that isn’t the building emotion in his chest. He shrugs, mumbling, “whatever,” and plating up his toast. He spares another glance over at Phil, who’s watching him closely. “If you’re meeting him so soon you should probably go.”

“Right,” Phil says, searching Dan’s face. Dan turns away, petulant. Phil huffs a noise somewhere between a snort and a sigh before leaving the kitchen.

Dan busies himself with smoothing his almond butter on one slice of the toast, and finds he’s spread Phil’s favorite strawberry jam over the other, just out of habit. He huffs a breath out of his nose, beyond annoyed at himself and forcing away the little bubble of warmth that’s trying to remind him that he’s not actually upset with Phil. It’s hard to remember that, though, when Phil comes in a few minutes later, wearing his denim button-up and glasses, looking the picture of ease while Dan is still feeling raw on the inside from the events of the day before.

“Here,” Dan mumbles, shoving the Nutella toast over to him and turning away to nibble on his own. He pretends to watch the pigeons, only to realize after a moment of staring that the balcony is empty.

“You made me toast too?” Phil asks, sounding soft and surprised.

Dan shrugs. He glances over at Phil, who already has a big corner bite taken out of the bread, cheeks puffed out as he chews. “Yeah,” he murmurs.

“Thanks,” Phil says once he’s swallowed. He licks a bit of Nutella off his thumb and Dan forces himself to look away, feeling his face heat up. They’re quiet while they finish eating their toast, but then they’re both done and Phil is clearing his throat. “I’ll be back in a few hours. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

The reminder that Phil is leaving sours Dan’s mood all over again. He turns away, turning the tap on just to hear something other than his own bitter thoughts. He shrugs, then shakes his head, silent. Phil sighs, and Dan tenses a little when he feels him press close to his side.

“Are you upset with me?” Phil asks, voice quiet but undeniably hurt.

Dan is, of course. He doesn’t even know why, really. His emotions are frazzled and fried and he doesn’t know what to do or say, so he shakes his head again, denying it.

There’s a brief pause and then Phil lets out another sigh, this time more impatient. “Okay,” he says, his voice tight. He leans in, and his lips barely brush Dan’s forehead before Dan turns away, the kiss falling where his hair meets his temple. Phil makes a wounded noise, and Dan closes his eyes, gripping the counter as he waits for the reprimand, or the fight, that he knows is coming. “I’ll see you later,” Phil murmurs to him, pressing his lips to Dan’s hair gently before turning to leave.

Dan listens to the tell-tale sound of Phil’s feet clomping down the hall and then the sound of him struggling to get his shoes on. Finally there’s the sound of keys jostling, and then the door closing gently, probably out of respect for the sleeping members of the house and not Dan. Still, he pretends they’re not in a fight, pretends that they’d had a nice breakfast together and had their usual affectionate goodbyes.

Somehow, this pretend doesn’t make up for the reality.

~~~

A day filled with spending quality time with his children is a remedy like no other. Dan still feels the ache somewhere in his chest, and the Phil-shaped absence in his day does hurt when he lets himself think too much about it. Still, spending most of the morning snuggling with Jaiden and watching movies heals him a little. Levi even sticks around, lounging at the other end of the sofa with Amelia tucked against his side. The soft family vibes of it all nearly brings Dan to tears, but he manages to keep himself under control.

At some point he gets a text from Phil saying that he’d be spending more of the day with Martyn than he realized. Dan frowns down at his screen, tilting it away from any curious little eyes.

Phil: Hey, Mar wants to do some early Christmas shopping for mum and dad while we’re out. Won’t be home until later.

Dan: it’s literally November?

Phil: Yeah, well. We don’t hang out as often anymore. It’ll be good to get it out of the way now.

Dan: fine, whatever

Phil: Kids okay?

Dan: yes.

Phil: Need anything?

Dan: guess not.

Phil: Okay. Love you guys.

Dan reads over this several times before locking his phone and sliding it under his thigh and out of view. That word shouldn’t send his heart racing the way it does, certainly not within the context. He knows what Phil meant. There’s no reason for him to have other feelings about it. No reason for him to mouth the words to himself, allowing his body to feel like they’re just for him.

“Daddy can we play Mario Kart?” A sweet voice calls from the other end of the sofa.

Dan turns a smile towards Amelia, shrugging. “That’s fine with me. Need help setting it up?”

Amelia shakes her head and pats Levi’s arm repeatedly, gesturing for him to do it. The teenager rolls his eyes but complies, sending Dan a smile when their eyes meet. “Will you play with us?” Amelia asks, scooting to sit in Levi’s spot against the corner of the sofa.

“Mm, I dunno,” Dan says warily. He does get a bit competitive with the game, and he can’t afford to keep swearing around them, not with the new swear jar.

“Please?” Jaiden asks, tilting his head to give Dan the most illegal pair of puppy dog eyes that he’s ever seen.

Dan sucks his teeth, contemplating. “Okay, how about this? You guys play a few rounds, and whoever the winner is has to play me. Deal?”

Amelia claps, nodding eagerly. “Yes!”

Levi brings over the controllers, handing one to each of the twins. Dan realizes then that he’s only retrieved two of them from the gaming cabinet. When Dan gives him a puzzled look, he shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have some homework to get done, so...”

“Oh,” Dan says, a little disappointed that their family bonding time will be cut short. “Of course, yeah, that’s fine.”

Levi hesitates, scratching his collarbones, a nervous tic Dan’s noticed. “I could do it in here?” He suggests, sounding more like a question than anything else.

“You wouldn’t be too distracted?” Dan asks, glancing at where the twins have already started arguing about something.

“No,” Levi says, shaking his head fondly at his siblings. “I’ve got earbuds anyway, so it won’t be too distracting.”

Dan nods then, smiling. “Great! I’ll try to keep them quiet.”

Levi’s mouth quirks into a smile and he disappears to his room to retrieve his laptop and books. Dan leans back into the corner of the sofa and watches the twins, a blanket of calm settling over him. This is exactly the sort of day he wanted after the trauma of yesterday, although he still feels the tugging in his chest at Phil’s absence. He doesn’t see that going away anytime soon, so instead of dwelling on it, he immerses himself in enjoying this day with his kids.

~~~

By the time Dan hears the front door opening, he’s putting dinner away and listening for any sounds of distress coming from the bathroom where Jaiden is supposed to be taking a bath. It’s only because he’s listening so hard that he even hears the quiet click of the door being re-locked, and his hands fumble with the Tupperware bowl. He forces himself not to look up towards the sound of approaching footsteps, a hard feat since he’s been desperate to see Phil since the minute he’d walked out the door this morning. Another part of him, however, is more concerned with the fact that their conversation from earlier is still very much unresolved. Just thinking about how they’d parted ways this morning sours his mood, and he drops the stir-fry pan into the sink a little too harshly.

“Hey,” Phil says as he walks into the kitchen, shrugging his jacket off. He drapes it over a chair at the table before coming around the counter to join Dan. “I take it I missed dinner?” He asks, cautious.

“The kids were tired. I thought an early night was best,” Dan mutters, washing his hands and reaching for the towel without looking at Phil. “I put some away in a box for you. It’s in the fridge,” Dan gestures mildly with the hand towel before turning around, intending on going to check on the kids.

“Oh... thanks.” Phil drums his fingers on the counter. “Dan?”

Dan sighs, but drags his feet to a stop, closing his eyes briefly to prepare himself for whatever argument they’re about to have. He turns around, dragging his eyes over Phil’s face. “Yeah?” His voice is strained, even to his ears.

“I, um...” Phil starts, stumbling to a stop. “Are the kids in bed already?”

Something about his voice doesn’t sound right, like that’s not the question he’d wanted to ask, but Dan doesn’t mention it. “Mia is. Jai’s in the bath, and I think Levi is FaceTiming with Charlotte.”

Phil nods, glancing out at the balcony before looking over at Dan. “Okay. I’ll just, uh... eat dinner and um...”

“I’ll get Jaiden out of the bath. You can tell them goodnight when you’re done.” Everything they say to each other feels scripted. Dan hates it.

“Right. Okay.” Phil looks down, the silence in the room suddenly overwhelming.

Dan feels incredibly awkward standing there, so he does what he does best. He leaves.

~~~

After tucking Jaiden into bed and giving another round of hugs and kisses and ‘goodnight, I love you’s to the twins, Dan heads to his own bedroom. He can hear the sound of Phil watching something on his phone while he eats, and Dan closes the bedroom door behind himself for some privacy. He sends Levi a text reminding him not to stay up too late since it’s a school night, and when he’s finally alone and free of parental responsibility, he allows himself to fall apart.

Dan really doesn’t even realize he’s in need of a good cry until tears are streaking down his face, his breaths coming out shallow and quick. He wipes furiously at his eyes, pressing his fingers against his tear ducts until it hurts. He’s weak, he’s so weak, if he falls apart so easily just when he has a row with his partner. His co-parenting partner, his mind reminds him traitorously. There’s no other context that word fits into within their current dynamic, and he needs to remind himself of that before he loses it entirely.

The sound of the bedroom door opening jolts him out of his bubble of self-loathing. He turns away from Phil, swiping at his cheeks and trying to stifle his sniffles. He clears his throat twice, begging his body to get a grip and suck it up.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice calls softly, the mattress dipping on the other side of the bed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Dan flinches at the feeling of fingers tracing gently down his arm. “Nothing,” he croaks, swiping his phone off the bed and connecting it to the plug. It’s something to keep his hands busy, but it doesn’t last forever, obviously, and then he’s left sat there, dreading the moment when he has to turn and face Phil.

“Bullshit,” Phil snorts, not unkindly. “I’ve known you for ten years, Dan. I can tell when you’re crying.”

“‘M not,” Dan protests, uselessly.

The bed shifts as Phil moves, and Dan’s breath catches when Phil’s knees bracket his hips, his arms wrapping around Dan’s shoulders in a warm embrace as he presses his chest to Dan’s back. “Babe, talk to me.”

A sob escapes Dan’s throat at the pet name. He can’t do this anymore. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

“Dan?” Phil sounds panicked.

“I want it to be real,” Dan confesses, squeezing Phil’s arms so tightly he’s sure that he’ll leave bruises.

“What?” Phil asks, his voice colored in confusion. “Want what to be real?”

“All of it,” Dan whispers. “This, the family, all of it.”

He feels Phil gulp behind him, his Adam’s apple brushing against Dan’s shoulder. “It is real, Dan.” He sounds uncertain.

“Not like I want it to be,” Dan says, scornful.

Phil’s quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he admits. His voice sounds high and different though, making Dan wonder if he does.

And fuck, that’s really not something he can handle right now. Maybe not ever. “Nevermind,” he mumbles, gently prying Phil’s arms away from him.

“Wait, Dan,” Phil says, gripping Dan’s wrist.

Dan shrugs out of his grip. “Just stop,” he says. He wipes his nose on his sleeve, giving Phil half a glance. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

He leaves Phil staring after him as he goes into the bathroom, stripping down to his pants and turning on the tap. He’s waiting for the water to warm up, taking deep breaths to calm himself, when the door opens. He’s so sick of jumping every time a door opens, honestly.

“Dan-“ Phil starts, reaching for him as soon as he’s in reaching distance.

It’s then that Dan realizes he’s just stood there, nothing covering him other than his black Calvins, worn out with time and wear. “Why are you in here?” He demands, trying to decide between crossing his arms to cover his hardening nipples, or clasping his hands to cover the bulge in his pants.

Phil shrugs carelessly. Dan doesn’t think he imagines the way Phil’s eyes flick up and down, checking him out. “It’s my bathroom too,” Phil says flippantly.

“Well yeah, but I was about to shower,” Dan snaps, the defensive tone coloring his voice.

Phil definitely checks him out this time, his eyes dragging a slow trail down Dan’s mostly naked body. “Go ahead,” Phil says, gesturing. “I’ll wait.”

Dan definitely can’t do that. He shivers at the implication and hopes that he can pass it off as a reaction to the chill in the air. He thinks Phil might be joking, but when he just crosses his arms and leans back against the sink, Dan knows he’s being serious. “You’re being a dick,” Dan snaps, grabbing his shirt and tugging it back over his head. He’s not going to be forced into this conversation, not when he feels so vulnerable, literally only a scrap of fabric away from being naked under Phil’s gaze.

“Dan, wait,” Phil says, grabbing his arm when Dan brushes past him to leave.

“Fuck off,” Dan spits, angry when he realizes that he’s crying again.

Phil gently strokes a hand down Dan’s side, his other hand coming up to cup Dan’s neck. “Hey. I’m sorry.” His voice is soft, and that just makes Dan cry harder. “I’m not trying to be a dick. But you won’t talk to me.”

“Yeah? Well being a twat isn’t winning you any favors,” Dan says, avoiding Phil’s eyes as he wipes at his own.

Phil sighs. “Why are you so cross with me today?”

“I’m not.”

“Dan.”

There’s a beat of silence, and when Dan squirms, Phil tightens his grip. Dan hates that he likes it. “Fine,” he says in a quick breath. He raises his gaze, staring Phil square in the face. “You left today.”

Phil looks caught off guard. “I... yeah, Martyn wanted to see me.”

“Yeah,” Dan snorts. “And yesterday our son almost died.” He levels Phil with a look, begging him to get the hint.

“I...” Phil starts, clearly at a loss for what to say. “I’m sorry.” He tugs Dan to his chest, hugging him tightly.

And for some reason, that does it. Dan’s attempts at drying his stupid over-productive tear ducts are futile, and the flood gates open again. Phil shushes him gently, stroking the back of Dan’s head in soft, gentle sweeps. Dan just keeps crying, his body shaking against Phil’s.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Phil is mumbling, pressing kisses to his hair.

“I really needed you here today,” Dan says, wiping his nose unashamedly against Phil’s t-shirt. “It sucked, being here alone with them, thinking that any minute something might happen and you wouldn’t even be here.”

Phil squeezes his hip harder. “I know. I’m sorry, Dan, really. I wasn’t thinking. Or I guess I just thought...” he trails off, but Dan doesn’t offer him an out. He wants to know what Phil thought. “I thought that, you know, after this morning... you wanted some space.”

It takes Dan a moment to place what he means. He flushes as soon as he remembers, as images of Phil, naked and dripping from a shower, flood his brain immediately. He shifts his hips away from Phil’s just a bit, hoping he’s subtle about it. It’s actually a good point, as far as Phil’s stupid anxiety-ridden logic is usually concerned, but that doesn’t mean it was right. “I needed you here. The kids needed you here.”

“I know, I just-“

Dan pulls away enough to look at him. “No, obviously you didn’t. Because you left.”

Phil’s shoulders sag, and Dan can tell he’s disappointed in himself. “You’re right. Of course you are.”

He gives it a moment, and then Dan leans his head back on Phil’s shoulder. “Please don’t run away like that again,” he whispers.

Phil tightens his grip on Dan’s hips. “I won’t. I want to be there for you, and for them.”

Dan doesn’t think Phil realizes what he actually meant, and he’s too emotionally raw to correct him. He tilts his chin, pressing a kiss to Phil’s throat. Phil shivers, and fuck, Dan should probably keep his distance. They’re clearly just touch-starved and desperate for some sort of sexual release, something that Dan knows they don’t share with each other, even as much as he wants to. He’s thinking this, and regretting all the times he’s not said what he felt, when Phil cups his cheek, nudging his face just so and-

And kisses him. Phil kisses him so softly, like Dan’s never been kissed before. Dan can’t help but gasp a little, his hand coming up to hold Phil’s wrist. His eyes slip closed as Phil strokes across his cheekbone, kissing Dan again and again, each time their lips meet better than the last. He loves this. He loves the way Phil’s mouth tastes, something sugary mixed with a hint of the coffee he drinks every evening, despite Dan’s warnings of sleep deprivation. He loves the way Phil’s hands are so gentle as they touch him, the hand on his hip currently traveling towards his bum, touching lightly, reverently. He loves the way he can feel Phil’s heart beating against his own chest from where they’re pressed so tightly together, and Dan can’t help but wish they were wearing less clothes. And he especially loves the way it sounds, the quiet smacking of their lips echoing in the room, louder even than the water Dan left running.

This must be what drags Dan out of this incredible moment, the reminder that he’s left the water running and has a shower to take. He pulls away, blood thrumming and heart leaping when Phil chases his lips. He surveys him, staring at Phil’s cherry red, spit-slick mouth and Dan decides that he wants to devour him. But first, he really does need that shower. “I need to take a shower,” he says dumbly.

Phil looks scandalized. “Er, right. Okay.” He clears his throat, bringing a hand up to wipe his mouth. His cheeks are flushed, and Dan can’t decide if it’s from the heat of the bathroom or the kissing.

They stare at each other for a second and Phil quirks an eyebrow. “Is there something on my face?” He says, wiping nervously at nothing.

Dan can’t help it. He leans forward, pressing kisses all over Phil’s cute little face. “Nope,” he mumbles.

Phil giggles uncontrollably, and Dan shivers as he feels Phil’s hands pushing underneath his shirt. He’s grinning too, enough that he’s really not even kissing Phil’s face anymore, just dragging his lips across his jaw before forcing himself to pull away. Phil’s laughter dies out and he’s stood staring at Dan with something too warm, too intimate, in his eyes. Dan leans in and kisses him again, amazed at the fact that Phil seems to want this, at least for now. He grabs Phil’s wrist under his shirt and guides his hand over to a nipple, encouraging Phil to touch him. He’s over pretending like this isn’t exactly what he wants.

“You know,” Phil says conversationally as he trails kisses down Dan’s neck. “You’re even better at this than I thought you’d be.”

Dan can’t help but preen at the compliment. “Yeah?” He asks shyly.

“Yeah,” Phil says, blowing a breath against Dan’s neck before sucking gently. Dan shivers. “Can I...” Phil trails off, his fingertips dipping into the waistband of Dan’s pants.

“What?” Dan asks, eager to hear the end of that question.

Phil pulls away and looks at him with something vulnerable in his eyes. “Can I touch you?”

Dan closes his eyes and nods quickly. He’s afraid if he doesn’t give his consent immediately, Phil might change his mind. “Fuck yeah. Yes.”

“Okay,” Phil says, smiling at him, a little nervous twitch to his lips. “I haven’t done this in a while, so you might have to give me a second to get it right,” he says. Dan’s about to ask what exactly he hasn’t done in a while when Phil drops to his knees.

Dan stops breathing. “Fuck,” he whimpers, heart racing. He never, in a million years, thought he’d ever see this. Phil kneeling in front of him, rubbing Dan gently through his briefs, looking up at Dan for reassurance. “Yeah,” Dan says uselessly. He’s shaking a little, he realizes when he reaches forward to push Phil’s hair out of his face. Doing something he does all the time, but in this context, makes it so incredibly hot that Dan can hardly stand it.

“Hey,” Phil says softly, reaching up and grabbing Dan’s hand. “We don’t have to, I can-“

“No!” Dan says, too quickly. Phil smirks at him. “I mean,” Dan says, clearing his throat. “I want you to, I’m just...” He flaps his hand in some awkward non-explanation of how he’s feeling. “Nervous,” he supplies when Phil just tilts his head at him.

Phil smiles, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Dan’s stomach, right below his navel. “It’s just me. I’m not scary, am I?” He looks up at Dan through his eyelashes as he kisses down, his final kiss pressed against the base of Dan’s cock through the fabric.

Dan takes a deep breath. “Fucking terrifying,” he says.

Phil presses his giggles against Dan’s tummy and Dan’s muscles tighten nervously. It’s been so long since someone’s touched him like this, he’s a little terrified among all the exhilaration of it. But Phil knows him better than any other person on earth, and he knows exactly what Dan needs. He reaches up and tangles their fingers together, bringing Dan’s hands to rest in his hair. Phil watches him as he gently guides Dan’s hands to stroke his hair, his face melting into something soft when Dan relaxes.

“There we go,” Phil says quietly. “Are you alright?”

Dan nods, his hands still petting Phil’s hair even when Phil’s hands drop to rest on Dan’s hips. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Phil smiles at him. “Good.” He ducks his head and begins sucking lightly at Dan’s cock through the fabric, and Dan stifles a groan and his thighs shake. He’s so hard already, and Phil’s barely touched him. He genuinely doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to stand it when Phil takes his cock out to properly blow him, which is where Dan’s pretty sure this is going. Phil pulls away and tugs lightly at Dan’s pants. “Ready?” He says.

Dan loves him for triple-checking. He opens his mouth to tell Phil to do it already, he consents, he wants this so bad-

He hears a voice in the other room.

“Daddy?”

Both of them freeze, staring at each other with matching looks of terror. They wait, as if to see if their child is going to leave. It barely takes a minute before they hear a knock at the bathroom door. “Dad?” Jaiden calls again.

“Shit,” Dan hisses, pushing at Phil’s head, yanking at his t-shirt to get him to stand. “Fuck, god fucking dammit,” he mutters, heart racing for entirely all the wrong reasons.

“Shh,” Phil shushes him, turning to check his hair in the mirror, his hands trembling. “Just a sec, Jai!”

“Phil!” Dan protests, covering himself. “I don’t- I can’t go out there like this!” He whisper-shouts.

“Relax, I’ll go take care of him,” Phil says, turning around to face Dan. He smirks as he glances down at Dan’s little problem, and Dan wants to throttle him. “You should probably take care of that,” he says, gesturing to Dan’s crotch.

Dan’s face feels like it’s on fire. “God. Yeah, okay. I’ll uh... take a shower.”

Phil nods, biting his lip, no doubt hiding a laugh. “Right,” he says.

“Hello?” Jaiden calls outside the bathroom door, sounding exasperated. “Dan? Phil? Somebody?”

Dan has to giggle at this, and Phil bursts into laughter. “Go, go,” Dan says, pushing Phil towards the door. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

Phil stops at the door and twists around just enough that he can press a kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Okay,” he says, letting out a breath, his eyes looking a little wild. Their son has started knocking at the door now, so Phil rolls his eyes before gripping the doorknob. “Right, I’m going,” he says, still casting one last glance over at Dan before opening the door and slipping out.

Before the door closes, Dan hears Jaiden questioning him. “What took so long? Where’s daddy?”

Dan doesn’t hear all of Phil’s response before he shuts the door, and half of Dan is relieved that their child won’t be traumatized by seeing him like this. The other half of him is hysterical that Phil is the one who has to deal with lying to their child who almost caught them in a very compromising position.

Now that he’s alone, Dan gives himself a moment to reflect on everything that just happened. He made out with his best friend. That’s fine. They’ve kissed before, although Dan was obviously still in denial about what that meant to both of them. Even bigger than that, in so many ways, is the fact that Phil was about to suck his dick. He literally felt Phil’s mouth against his cock, and if they hadn’t been interrupted, he would have felt Phil’s mouth in a place he’s never felt it. He almost can’t wrap his head around it, but he’s still hard as he steps into the stream of the shower, and he can wrap his head, or his hand, around that problem.

He jerks himself off fast and hard, his mind flooded with images of Phil, Phil, Phil. He’s breathing hard and nearly choking on the steam of the water and then it’s over all too soon, all the evidence washed down the drain. Relief washes over him in waves, and for the first time in a long time, it’s not accompanied by guilt. He wasn’t a perfect man, and of course over the last few weeks he’s wanked to the thought of Phil, and every time he’s been encompassed in such guilt that he’d swear he would never do it again.

It’s impossibly relieving to not have that guilt accompany what he thinks is his best wank in months.

He washes his hair and body quickly after that, desperate to crawl into bed with Phil and talk about all of this. This day has been an absolute whirlwind of emotions but now his heart is set on clearing things up and putting his truth out there on the table. It’s terrifying to think about, absolutely nerve wracking to rehearse the words in his head as he towels himself dry and slips on some pajamas.

“I’m in love with you,” he mouths to himself in the mirror. His lips keep quirking up, making his words look almost fake as he repeats the sentiment again and again. He feels giddy, borderline deranged with excitement, as he brushes his teeth and forces down his nightly pill.

Dan’s so excited and nervous that he somehow forgets that they were very much interrupted by one of their children earlier, and it doesn’t cross his mind until he steps out of the bathroom that there might have been something wrong.

“Uh, hi,” he says dumbly, surveying the scene in front of him.

Phil and Jaiden both glance up from where they’re laying snuggled together in the bed, a book propped open in Phil’s lap as he reads quietly. Jaiden looks sleepy and adorable as he waves his little hand at Dan, and Phil looks only a little apologetic. “Hi,” Phil says with a smile.

“What’s going on here?” Dan asks, propping his hands on his hips.

Jaiden flushes, burrowing down and tugging the duvet up to his chin. “I had a bad dream. Dad said I could stay in here tonight.”

Dan glances up and Phil shrugs. He mouths, “I’m sorry,” but Dan waves him off.

“Of course, buddy. Do you need a plushy or anything from your room?” Dan asks, going to turn on Phil’s lamp and then turn off the overhead light.

Jaiden holds up a familiar stuffed lion, and Dan’s heart clenches. “Dad said I could borrow his for tonight.”

“Just for tonight,” Phil reminds him softly.

Jaiden nods obediently. “I know.”

Dan crawls into bed on the other side of Jaiden, scooting in to join in on the cuddle. Phil adjusts accordingly, reaching the arm behind Jaiden’s head so that he can rest his hand at the base of Dan’s neck, stroking gently at where his hair is getting long. Their eyes meet and Dan knows that their talk will have to wait until tomorrow. That doesn’t fill him with dread, or anxiety like it used to. Instead, he feels calm, even settled, although a little impatient. It’s a good feeling.

“What’re we reading, Dad?” Dan asks, brushing Jaiden’s unruly hair back and kissing his forehead.

Phil tugs lightly at a curl at the back of Dan’s head. “We’re reading The Hobbit, Daddy,” Phil teases, his tongue poking out between his teeth in that adorable way that Dan finds so endearing.

Dan cringes at the use of the name; hearing it coming from Phil rather than their children just makes it weird and wrong. Phil knows it, of course. They both do. They both stick their tongues out at each other and giggle like schoolchildren, completely endeared with each other. And even though they can’t talk about it right now, with Jaiden complaining about them being weird and begging Phil to let Dan read all of Gandalf’s parts, Dan knows they’re going to be okay.

[amelialincoln]

Never Know

-continuation of last weeks episode

Link noticed from the moment his girlfriend got home that something was wrong. He assumed it was about work, not taking her crappy mood personally. She’d snapped at Bailey for complaining about his dinner again before storming upstairs to answer Scout’s cries on the baby monitor. Bailey came close to tears in response, explaining to Link that he hadn’t meant to upset her, he just missed his mom’s cooking. Link didn’t know what to tell him other than Amelia didn’t have a good day at work. They’d ended up watching Bailey’s favourite Christmas movie to make him feel better before putting the kids to bed. Link was surprised that Amelia didn’t even come and say goodnight.

“Hey,” he whispered from their doorway, not wanting to wake Ellis. She’d made him read five stories to make up for not being able to come and cuddle with him and Amelia in their bed and Link had done his best to slip out as quietly as possible once she’d fallen asleep.

“Hi,” she responded, not looking up. She was cradling Scout in her chest, Link could see the reflection of tears in her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, knowing that that’s what she needed. He moved to sit on the bed beside her, kissing their baby boy softly on the forehead as he gurgled drowsily.

“Mer woke up today,” she started.

“Amelia that’s great--”

“Link,” she interrupted, the pain in her eyes stopped him. “She was awake and she was good until she wasn’t. She stood up and then collapsed. Apparently her STATs are declining again and she’d barely conscious. Richard chose to have her intubated.”

“She didn’t want that,” was the only thing Link could think of to say.

“I know.” She shook her head helplessly. “But it’s his choice and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help her. She just seemed so good and then she wasn’t. And I know that the kids are going to ask for her, and that’s not their fault, but I don’t know how much longer I can try to convince them that she’s going to be okay. I barely know myself.”

“She’s a fighter.” He tried to offer her some support.

“I know, I always pitied myself for all the shit I’ve been through but hearing her stories makes me feel somewhat normal.” She almost laughed. “But this can’t be the end of her story. Her name is on the freaking hospital. If she goes, we’ll all die with her.”

“That’s a little dramatic.” Link forced a smile, pulling Amelia’s small frame into his chest. She shrugged, the idea seeming completely rational in her eyes. “Can I drive you to a meeting or something?” He asked. “I feel like I’m not helping.” 

“I signed up for one tomorrow at noon. You have to book now, cause of the virus.”

“So you’re just supposed to already know if you’re going to have a shitty day?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Amelia grumbled. “Thank you though.” She leaned up and they shared a lingering kiss.

“This guy needs to sleep though,” he chuckled, pulling the sleeping baby out of her grasp.

“But he’s making me feel better,” Amelia whined.

“I’m also pretty good at that,” Link grinned, receiving an eye roll. He placed Scout in the crib that they’d moved back into their room. They’d had him sleeping in Mer’s to get used to being away from his parents but Amelia had called earlier that day to let him know that Mer would be coming home in the next couple of days and he’d decided to move Scout back. He threw on pajamas while he was up before crawling back into bed. Any topic of conversation he tried to bring up wasn’t appealing to his girlfriend and eventually they ended up falling asleep, a little too far apart for Link’s liking.

Amelia was a notoriously late riser. Always pulling on articles of clothing last minute, sometimes even in the car. That brunette cherished every moment of sleep and Link didn’t quite share the same mindset. He spent most of his childhood in a bed and usually so stressed that he would lie awake at night for hours. Eventually he got over the insomnia but to this day has never been one to linger in bed, unless it was for an activity that he and Amelia were barely undertaking at the moment. Though with them both having the day off, he doubted she’d leave their bedroom until at least nine. So when Amelia came trudging down the stairs at seven the next morning Link almost spat out his coffee in surprise. Scout gurgled happily to see his mother, through sips of a bottle.

“You should’ve waited for me to feed him,” Amelia grumbled as she entered the kitchen, her chest always especially sore in the mornings.

“I didn’t expect you to be up for another couple of hours.” Link shrugged, he knew Amelia was going through a lot but her grumpy attitude was starting to drain him.

“We’re doing a group Facetime. Since Maggie and I both have the day off Teddy and Richard want to let us know how she’s doing. Though I doubt Maggie will be up.” Link raised his eyebrows. “Winston got here last night,” she explained.

“Ah,” he replied, removing the empty bottle from Scout’s pudgy hands. “Must be nice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her voice was filled with irritation, most likely due to the technological difficulties she seemed to be experiencing from her phone.

“Nothing,” Link sighed. He moved to glance at Amelia’s phone screen. “You’re on mute, babe.”

“Oh.” Teddy’s voice echoed through the kitchen. “Thanks. Where are the kids?”

“All on the Ipads, in their rooms, doing schoolwork.”

“Okay,” Amelia breathed a sigh of relief as she sunk into the dining room chair beside him and let herself become absorbed in the facetime call. Link stood up to finish the dishes from breakfast this morning. Normally Amelia would tell the kids to pick one thing to have but Link couldn’t bring himself to tell Bailey he couldn’t have eggs and Ellis she couldn’t have oatmeal. Zola was also obsessed with smoothies...it was a lot of dishes.

“What do you mean she’s murmuring things about Lexie?” Amelia’s voice brought him back to reality. “Is she hallucinating?” His girlfriend’s voice was getting more and more anxious. “I can come in if you think it's neuro.”

“We don’t know what it is,” Teddy responded, he could tell that she was trying to calm the worried sisters down. “That’s all I have for today. Her lungs are doing better now that they’re resting on the vent. I think that was a smart move. I’ll see you both again at the same time tomorrow for another update and I’ll try to text you if anything changes.”

“Okay, thank you,” Amelia muttered. Link could hear Maggie respond the same before Amelia hung up the phone and placed it on the table in front of her. Link turned to find her with her head in her hands. Her hair was tied up in a loose ponytail with strands falling out, framing her face. He’d forgotten how petite she was until about a week after giving birth. Not that she had even gotten that big when she was carrying Scout. Right now, curled up in the chair with her knees pulled into her chest, she looked almost childlike. He found himself wondering if she was eating enough. He moved to her side and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. Amelia glanced up at him, brushing the tears from her cheeks. She looked broken. Link almost winced at her expression, as if her pain was being transferred on to him.

“I’m sorry.” Was the only thing he could say.

“It’s okay,” Amelia rested her chin atop her knees. “We’ve just always had a rocky relationship.” Her voice faltered. “If I don’t get to tell her I love her before she dies I...”

“I know,” Link sat down beside her, as she trailed off. “And I know that she knows.”

“And I don’t think I can handle losing anyone else.” She grimaced at the idea, allowing Scout to wrap his fingers around her pinky.

“Well you’ll always have me.”

“Nah, at this point we’re just waiting for cancer to take you out,” she joked, pushing a rather large strand of hair behind her ear.

“I mean I haven’t been getting my regular scans since COVID so I’m sure the first one I’ll get after all this will just light up like a Christmas tree.” Amelia’s eyes darkened. “Hey, I’m kidding.”

“Don’t just look at me. You’ve got this guy to stick around for too.” Link turned to Scout who had been desperately jutting his arms out in his father’s direction, begging to be picked up. Link chuckled, scooping the wiggling baby up into his arms and blowing a raspberry on his exposed stomach. Scout squealed in delight, wrapping his arms around Link’s neck and placing a wet kiss on his cheek. Amelia watched the interaction with a bittersweet smile, the topic of their conversation still looming heavily over them.

“Next time you’re at work you should get scanned.” 

“It doesn’t really work like that, babe.” He was still absorbed in Scout’s babbling, repeating some of the baby’s gibberish and receiving lots of giggling. “They’re only taking emergent stuff right now.” 

“Well this could be--”

“Mia,” Link sighed, placing the baby down. Scout pouted comically and banged his fists against his highchair. “I’m not emergent. That’s a good thing. Before every scan I had growing up I already knew if it was going to be a good one or a bad one. If I’m in rough shape I can usually tell. There’s symptoms and I’m always on high alert for them, okay?” Amelia nodded.

“Sorry, I just have bad odds.”

“I have great odds. I beat it the first time. I have an amazing wife and baby and job. Your bad odds and my good odds will just cancel out and we’ll have very average odds together.” He was confused as to why Amelia was looking at him like he was crazy. “I mean that might be far fetched but--”

“Wife?” Her heart had skipped a beat. “You have an amazing wife?” Link’s eyes widened before placing a kiss on her forehead and practically running out of the room.

“I dunno what you’re talking about. Definitely don’t want to get married. Haven’t been thinking about it at all. That’s way too soon. I’d be crazy for even thinking about that.” He stopped at the door and peered back at her. “I mean unless you wanted to.” 

“Your unbelievable,” Amelia shook her head in amusement as Link left the kitchen. “Your daddy is unbelievable.”

[matt0044]

“I can believe in spandex-clad superheroes, aliens and mayhaps some demons but I draw the line hard at phantoms.”

Clearly these are the Flat-Earthers of the Power Rangers universe.

Dino Fury has arrived and a new showrunner in the form of Simon Bennet with Chip Lynn stepping down. So far, it’s made a good first impression with the theme song. I’m not opposed to “Go Go Power Rangers” being a consistent leitmotif of the series. I only wish the song was just longer to appreciate it more.

Buzzfe- I MEAN, Buzzblast reporter Amelia Jones reports in with her editor-in-chief to insist on a change of pace from the usual celebrity gossip and investigate Dinohenge out in the woods. Rather than a Gym or a Juice Bar, we get ourselves a Social Media outlet that’s pretty crowded with plenty of hussle. I’m actually reminded of VR Troopers with the whole newspaper angle they got.

As Woody use to say, “What an ideeeeee-ah!”

Jane allows Amelia to go off on her little ghost hunt, not being one for the paranormal. Somebody’s clearly never been to Briarwood before. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that those in the Power Rangers universe would be more open to the supernatural going down. Unless it’s a matter of what’s been scientifically proven such as new aliens regularly coming down to screw us Earthlings over.

Amelia meets Ollie by way of snagging him with her net launcher. I... guess you can just purchase them no questions asked, second amendment and whatnot. The comedic banter is pretty well grounded and less over the top compared to seasons prior. It helped that they’re among the Rangers as we get to know them and they learn of each other. Though I wouldn’t rule out comic relief yet...

Got my eye on you, Garcias. :P

Amelia leads Ollie to Dinohenge where his mother, Dr. Akana, is analyzing the circle of dinosaur statues just laying around. Her drone even picks up signs of an underground chamber only to be interrupted by Warden Buzzki- I MEAN, Warden Garcia. The copper tells them to pack it in while leading the doctor off.

Amelia and Ollie stay to clean up while having another ghost debate because again, nobody saw Mystic Force. Speaking of, a violet colored knight beams in with a scanner honing in on an energy source he seeks. The two hide while watching him blast open a way into the chamber below. As you’d expect, they decide to just walk away quick and call the ward-or they just rush ahead blindly.

Yep, they’re Power Rangers.

They follow Void Knight into the chamber where sentries are lined up one by one in a circle with a lot of advanced tech. The villain busts open a door to reveal a humanoid Solonasaurus and a Red Ranger in stasis. Our resident Alpha tries to reanimate his leader only for Void Knight to damage the controls.

Ollie rushes in with one of the Chromafury Saber along the wall before Amelia launches another net at Void Knight with maximum volts. Solon tries to toss a Power Key at them in order to command the Hengemen with their Sabers. However, Void Knight is quick to recover and seizes of the foot soldiers for him.

Amelia and Ollie are preoccupied by the enemy grunts while Void Knight localizes his exact target within a compartment nearby. Solon finally revives Zayto and brings the Red Ranger back to action. Amelia and Ollie soon even the odds by morphing with their Power Keys, psyched that they’re real superheroes. I love how Ollie claims that they’re get Zords based on the news.

I’m guessing Cassidy and Devin are the ones on the scene.

Void Knight retrieves a containing full of ooey-gooey slimeballs known as Sporixs, a no doubt topical type of villain, before Zayto engages him. The soundtrack has certainly gotten an upgrade this season with the brand new composer. The action leads to the Sporixs being unleashed from their containment unit. Void Knight cuts off the exit in order to pursue them outside.

Void Knight finds one that manages to grow into what will be first Monster of the Week and teleports off with the cretin while the other scatter. Back in the base, Amelia and Ollie demorph with their morphers camouflaging themselves as watches Beast Morphers-style. Zayto also demorphs in order to reveal himself as an alien human with antennae that can read minds. I smell a moral episode.

Zayto reads their character bio-I MEAN, their minds to assess if they’re truly trustworthy and confides his backstory in them. He lead an order of knights to defend his world from the Sporix, creatures born of pure destruction, in a neat mix of Ryusoulger footage and original footage. They drove them off Rafkon but soon learned that their next target was Earth when the dinosaurs still lived.

Zayto’s posse had the most metal idea of riding the Dinosaurs as their steeds against their foes. Now that’s one remake of Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog we need. However, they are visited by none other than the Morphin’ Masters who connect Zayto’s order to the Morphin’ Grid. Yes. They actually took a one-off lore tidbit in the Season One episode “Big Sisters” and really expanded upon it.

Zayto’s order was sadly lost in their efforts to contain the Sporix before he went into stasis for whenever a new threat arose to seize them. Now they’re loose and hibernating after being spread all across the surrounding area. This not only gives us a good reason that they’re sticking around their setting but also adds a bit more of a chaotic factor to the Monsters of the Day formula to come.

Void Knight is tough but not leading a motley crew of world conquerors. Rather he’s a lone wolf hunting for the Sporix for his own ends, making the Macguffin of this season one and the same as the Monsters of the Day. By proxy, the Sporix are individuals until themselves with an evil nature to them. Who knows when and where they’ll spring up or how they operate under their own devices?

Zayto gladly recruits Amelia and Ollie in his new order of Dino Fury Rangers, starting us off with a trio just like with Beast Morphers. I guess the tradition still carries on after the Disney Era. I love that Zayto’s the Red Ranger but also a mentor with Solon as his Alpha 5. It turns the Red Ranger rookie trope on its head and even makes everyone else on the team the Watsons to his Sherlock.

Alright, Simon. You hooked us. Now reel us all the way.

[chessdaze]

Three Wishes Institute - A TWST fanschool

Reposting this as I’ve changed my URL which broke all the links in my previous lore post, and since I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately and wanted them to be able to read it properly.

First off, as a concept, Three Wishes is a fanschool for twisted wonderland that involves characters that are considered ‘side’ or ‘background’ or even ‘comic relief’ characters from disney franchises. Right now I only have 6 dorms, and characters range from being on both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sides of a story.

Here’s the lore rundown for the main school itself and a brief summary on the dorms and characters I will be designing for them. Under readmore cause this is HELLA long and I don’t want to make people scroll for forever:

The overall story of Three Wishes:

The Headmistress and Master, Amelia Bell and Reed Dearly (based on Anita and Roger from 101 dalmatians), only recently got the school property. Before them, the school was known to be really rundown, a failure, and pretty much on the verge of closing. While it was a school for magic, it was like all the magic was zapped out of the school itself. It was filled with delinquents and very few students who actually cared. Most dropped out if anything.

Amelia was a teacher at the school for a little over a year and the only teacher that students really respected and bothered showing up to class for. She hated seeing the school in the state it was in and tried pleading with the headmistress of the school to try and change things - however was constantly told it was too late and that the school would be closing. It did, and Amelia had to look for jobs elsewhere. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have done more and found herself drawn back to the crumbling school on more than one occasion. She decided to sneak in one day to see if she could find a hint of anything from the old headmistress - who had disappeared without a trace - to see if she could get in contact with her. This wasn’t her idea of course, but her (boyfriend at the time) Reed’s.

Eventually they did track down the headmistress and found her terribly ill. Amelia insisted that the two of them care for her, despite all that the headmistress had done to shun Amelia beforehand. They did, and during that time Amelia explained the hopes she had previously had for the school - she said how she wanted a school that anyone could feel welcome to apply, and not have some special ceremony for acceptance (like the carriages for NRC). She believed people could be equals and that as a magical community they should all help one another. The old headmistress was moved by Amelia’s words and when she back to health she revealed herself to be a powerful sorceress (the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. No design as of now). She explained she had been looking for a worthy successor for the school and her magic but didn’t find Amelia fitting at the time, but saw the kindness in Amelia’s heart and offered her the deed to the school and the surrounding grounds. She wanted to see what Amelia would do with the school and was interested if she could really bring a community together like she explained. Then, she disappeared.

Amelia and Reed worked to renovate the school, taking nearly 2 years on the project. Amelia comes from a wealthy family, but even then funds were not endless, so a lot of fundraising was done to also raise awareness for the reopening school. At first there wasn’t much interest but it slowly got more and more traction. With donations and family money, they were able to complete the school. The two of them also got engaged during this time. Even with them rebuilding the mainschool and doing some maintenance on the dorms themselves, there are some secrets that even the two of them are still learning, as the sorceress took off before giving them the full details on the school itself.

The school’s aim is to not only teach its students magic, but the foundation of being a good person, being helpful and selfless. The school holds a lot of community and fundraising events, and there is even a mandatory volunteering class where students have to spend a certain amount of hours volunteering for a local community service. This school hopes to bridge the gap between the elite and average magic users, showing that deep down everyone is human and deserving of respect and a chance to grow.

This school doesn't have completely different areas for the dorms and it's all actually located on a large campus ground.The main school building is about 4 stories, there's a greenhouse and an auditorium in separate buildings.

The dorms are all two or three stories and are all relatively distant from each other, enough to give each dorm a good spot of land around it. Think a mansion with a large yard. When passing through the front gate for the dorm there's magic that makes it appear in a slightly different scenery - so the students don't always have the school looming in the background and can relax. The dorm's scenery is different between each dorm and it can change with each 'dorm representative'.

There aren't really dorm 'leaders' as there are representatives. Normally about two or three for each dorm - though can only be one if the person proves themselves to be capable / no one else is voted. Each dorm will have a meeting once a month to go over things that the dorm needs to address either internally or with the school or other dorms, and then the representatives bring those concerns to a meeting with the school's staff and other dorm representatives. Think more like a student council and class presidents. The representatives make almost all decisions together. Reps are voted for each year within a dorm, and the voting is taken pretty seriously.

The dorm rep duties outside of the meetings is mostly just like a college RA. They make sure people are following the rules, help solve problems between students in their dorm, plan and hold events, etc.

The dorms:

While students are separated into dorms in this school, the headmaster and mistress try to stress the fact that they are all one community. Friendly rivalry is encouraged but ultimately the matter of dorms is just where the students end up living and placing them near people who can better help those around them. The two in charge don’t want the dorms to become too competitive or to alienated from one another - so there’s actually a lot of cross dorm events and even friends staying over at other friends dorms for days on end at times.

As a note, as long as it’s not inappropriate, students are encouraged to wear anything they want as their ‘dorm uniform’. Standard school uniforms are required on the main campus but as Headmaster Reed puts it - there’s no reason for them to tell the students what to wear in their own house. Plus, the school isn’t as well funded as most other private schools, so not having a lot of uniforms to keep up with is better for them in the long run. They don’t even have a formal ceremonial robe like NRC does, but I will be posting about the uniforms in a different post.

Now onto the dorms themselves.

Cinderella dorm: Nightingale Founded on the hard work and dedication of a princess’s companions, members of this dorm are no strangers to teamwork and getting the job done. It’s said that there’s no miracle students in this dorm can’t pull off in a short amount of time. Members of this dorm are close and they will drop anything they’re doing to help another. 

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Snow White: Diamanttobar Founded on the tradition and devotion of miners, members of this dorm specialize in working long hours and putting 100% into everything they do.They might be hard to win over, but once you have their companionship little will shake their loyalty. Students here notice the smaller details and are said to be able to craft nearly anything.  

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Aladdin: Wondrous Founded on the cleverness and protective instincts of a royal couple’s most trusted confidants, members of this dorm sometimes have questionable methods but overall have hearts of gold. Students in this dorm are proactive in calling out unfair rules and try to work for changes and reforms to improve the lives of those around them.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Mulan: Guardian Founded on the honor and strength of dragons, students of this dorm are known to follow a code of honor and are very protective of one another. They are great with helping other student’s physical and mental well beings, acting as trainers and confidants.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

AiW: Lapinhole Founded on the curiosity and madness of a queen’s subjects, members of this dorm are known to be eccentric and creative. A lot of students in this dorm are mysterious and have a strange method of helping others, but even through the confusion a lot of students rely on students from this dorm for a little more fun in their lives.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Beauty and the Beast: Servireu Founded on the faith and loyalty of a Beast Prince’s servants, members of this dorm are known to be generous, not judgemental, and helpful to those around them. A lot of these students are at the top of their classes and are known for being excellent tutors for others. Though a little eccentric, they obviously mean well and have good intentions.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Annnnddd that’s it! I plan to possibly redo my dorm lore dump post aswell as make a separate post for the uniforms once I have them designed. also the staff will be getting their own posts aswell when I finish their designs too.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 28: Orphan Black 2x06

Fell over the ground today on my way home from work and scraped my knee up pretty badly but other than that, not a terrible day.

Somehow already on episode 6 of S2 of Orphan Black.

This was an excellent episode. I enjoyed all of the story lines without exception and the only thing missing was Cal, tbqh. I especially enjoyed all of the unusual pairings and relationships.

What I most remembered of this ep was the sestras road trip, and in particular the shot of them curled up on opposite sides of each other like twins in the womb. But as I was watching, I also remembered the bonding over singing in the car. I was actually surprised by how little Helena and Sarah there was, because I thought that was most of the episode, but it’s really mostly just the beginning scenes. Still cute, though.

Again, I’m trying not to let Helena grow on me but her transition from serial killer to sestra/protagonist is just too compelling. They never changed her characterization, is the thing, they just put her in a better environment. What a redemption arc should be. She’s still violent; she’s still feral; but she’s no longer being used and abused for others’ ends. When she’s left to herself, she wants a sister, she wants a boyfriend, she wants babies, she wants to go on vacation--normal wants, in a wild mind. It’s endearing and touching and funny and sweet.

Her romance was Jesse was adorable, also. I know they knew each other for 0.05 seconds but it’s true love and I believe in them. She can call him boyfriend. He watched her end a guy and try to take his eyeballs out with her thumbs and he was STILL like “She has done nothing wrong in her entire life you Honor,” I am not even exaggerating.

The sestra road trip ended a lot faster than I remembered but I guess Helena does have to get back to her “babies.” I can already see her and Gracie bonding. I think Helena respects her for the murder attempt and sympathizes with her because of their similar histories of abuse. But there’s another twist coming I assume, because Gracie ends up pregnant with Helena’s babies at some point, I seem to recall.

Sarah’s adventure in the archives was prime spooky season material. What you see will stay with you.... macabre images and weird noises in the basement...

I’m not sure I entirely get the whole Duncan & Mrs. S history tbqh. I suspect it doesn’t matter as it will be retconned a few more times. As of now I think it’s something like: the clones were a military experiment that got shut down (or did it?),then the Duncans moved to Dyad; they weren't the masterminds, just one of the teams working on it; they lost their original daughter bc Amelia ran away and then got Rachel instead; then they started feeling weird I guess and were going to tattle, so Leekie killed them and burned their stuff and took Rachel, but then Ethan got away, and he joined up with Mrs. S's group, who already had one of the clones themselves and were looking for more info I guess?

My mom and I were also talking about what exactly Mrs. S and her friends do and we decided they’re ad hoc vigilantes whose work is entirely about improving conditions for individuals on the ground, not, like... protests or demonstrations or whatever. Like, they hear about something fucked up and they’re like ‘how can we disrupt this?’ There are experiments on children going on? Let’s get those children! They’re very organized in their use of people and resources and hiding spots, but not in their overall ideology. I like this chaotic energy for them but I ALSO suspect it comes from their organization being more Vibe than Story. Like, could the show have fleshed them out more? Yeah, it would have had the time if it hadn’t gone down like 20 different alternating layers of conspiracy.

I do enjoy Leekie returning as a Villainous Figure. I just... I really like Leekie.  like him as a potential ally. I like him as the ultimate mastermind. I like him as the ideologue who turned the benevolent (lol) Dyad Corporation into his own little philosophical playground. I just like him.

A few other quick notes:

Scott was a little annoying in S1 but now I’m remembering why I liked him so much overall. He’s so smart! And rather cute. “I figured out it’s clones... now can I see one?” Lol.

How did Leekie get Kira’s baby teeth stem cells anyway?

I don’t know exactly what Art and Felix were doing today but they ARE the BroTP I didn’t know I needed. Art just making himself at home, like everyone else. “Oh he’s moved in.” “Then why is your hand on my ass?” Etc.

Similarly, Alison and Vic are a BroTP I kinda did know I needed. I hate liking Vic because he absolutely was terrible when he was introduced and now he’s like... comic relief? But he’s entertaining. I feel like this whole working with DiAngelo thing is going to contribute a lot to Alison’s paranoid feelings.

Also I continue to love Alison The Most. Today’s highlights included her threats to Donnie’s balls, every time she told Vic not to say Namaste, and the little way she hit Donnie when he tried bowing to Vic.

“Science is what scientists do” is a great line.

I’m also a fan of “anger is a tool and we use it on problems, not people.” Good advice.

Next is an Alison-centric episode with some Siobhan and Leekie action (not like that), which sounds fun!

[sideways-eight-train]

Who can we expect to be a recurring character?

The obvious: (they were in the trailer)

MT- Book 2 is called "Cracked Reflection," and MT is in the trailer. However, they are no longer Tulip, their personality has changed and they have a new set of problems (the police chasing are chasing them). I am really excited to see the sort of relationship they build with Jesse!

The Cat- also appears in the trailer, and not much about her personality is revealed. She makes Jesse play a high-risk game, but nothing says whether she does this with good intentions (like teaching him a life lesson), or bad intentions (like stalling for the cop people)

Tulip- yes, Tulip. She is an important part of MT's past; in the trailer, MT says "remember Tulip?" This means Tulip is at least mentioned with maybe some flashbacks to the Chrome Car. That being said, I am also hopeful that we at least see a picture of her after she got off the train.

Khaki Bottoms- (from the Ball Pit Car) he appears in the arcade scene in the trailer, right before the Cat. He is missing an ear, probably from the fight with the Steward. We only see him for a couple of seconds, and he makes no motion to even look and the MCs. He could just be in the background, or he could share his story with MT and Jesse (I'm hoping for the latter, though the former would be funny)

The hopeful: (I really want to see them again)

One-One- good news, while this is under "the hopeful," I fully belive we will see One-One again. Whether it is in passing, or when Jesse leaves, I do not know.

Atticus- Atticus is slightly more unlikely. Corginia is one car in a litteral infinity. However, if the train moves cars in order to help teach passengers, the chances increase.

Amelia- I just really want to see how she is doing. I want her to be doing better, and mayber she finds it in her to help Jesse and decrease her number.

The Stweard- Did they repair it? Did One-One have it still help Amelia (just in a better way)? Does it now serve One-One? Or did they just trash it? (which is fair if they did)

The unlikely: (but I still want to see them)

Randall- this character is grat comic relief, and I would die for him. But I also wouldn't mad if they introduced a new funny character.

Those cockroach dog things- I lied, I really don't want to see those again. Fortunately, the viewer already know whats outside the train, amd having Jesse fight one of these would be to similar to the Grid Car. Unfortunately, Jesse does not know what is outside the train and may decide to find out the har way. But who knows, maybe there are other terrifying monsters in that vast dessert we haven't seen yet?

[allmymuseinspo]

​❝ it’s chilly out here, you need a coat. take mine. ❞

Autumn had officially come to London, and with it came the chilly weather that Glenda had been craving for months. She’d always loved that first proper chill that meant she could pull out her favorite jumper and wrap herself in it. But tonight, with little more than a strappy silk dress and a pair of heels, she wished for it to be just a smidge warmer. At least for a little bit, only while she took refuge on the terrace that opened out to the back of the Rowle’s massive country manor, the break a necessary respite from the party going on inside. Arms wrapped around herself to protect from the chill, she faced away from the guests inside, the music and chatter muffled with the doors closed. 

It was a party thrown by the lady of the house, celebrating some sort of new policy that the Minister had inducted that week, the planning months in the making. And while Glenda hadn’t spent much time with Thorfinn’s family since they’d properly gotten together a few months earlier, it had felt like a pretty safe event to attend, there not really much possibility of any sort of fighting or commentary to be made with heaps of prying eyes around them. 

And yet, despite what should have been a fairly easy thing to attend, it eventually became far too much. Although she’d attended a few ministry events through Amelia and her fair share of lavish parties at Sienna’s behest, this was the first that she’d gone to with Thorfinn. It was the first where she felt like people actually paid attention to her rather than just accepted her presence. It was hard not to when half the people there attempted to analyze what had been so fascinating about her to warrant the end of what should have been a very fine match and a successful engagement. Pulled away by some work colleagues to discuss policy and politics, Thorfinn apologized as he’d been pulled away, and Glenda had waved a hand, not minding spending a bit of time with Sienna and Christopher -- who seemed to be the only people here that she knew well enough to comfortably approach -- while he schmoozed. 

But eventually Glenda excused herself, calling for a bit of fresh air. All of which led her to a very cold terrace which at the moment was free of anyone else, save for a few loiterers who’d stepped off to explore the gardens. 

Ignoring the sound of the door opening behind her (and really just hoping that whoever it was would move to the other end), she was instead greeted by Thorfinn’s voice. 

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you for the last ten minutes,” he half chided as he walked over, a pleased sort of smile on his face. She turned when she heard him, doing her best to smile and look as at ease as she could. “It’s chilly out here,” he noted with a grimace, considerably more dressed than she was at the moment. And without really thinking twice about it, he pulled his suit jacket off, wrapping it around her shoulders. “You need a coat, take mine.” Glenda slipped her arms through, the jacket almost comically large on her small frame. But it was a welcome gesture, as she really was quite cold at this point, her arms dotted with goosebumps. 

Thorfinn rubbed her arms for a moment, warming her up, and she couldn’t help but smile, the expression far more natural than it had been a moment before. 

“I needed a breather.” He leaned down to kiss her in hello, and her hands moved to his belt, fingers loosely hanging there in an effort not to muss up his dress shirt. Anyone else might not have noticed the tightness in her smile or the slightly forced casual tone to her voice, but at this point, he’d become really very good at noticing anything out of the ordinary, even in the fairly dim light outside. “Thank you,” she added, pressing another quick kiss to his lips. 

“Is everything okay?” Thorfinn asked, hands coming up to her cheeks as if tilting it up and inspecting her expression would tell him something. But Glenda only nodded, and eyes closing for a moment, she sighed when his hands moved to her face, really looking quite unhappy that he’d noticed anything to begin with, as she’d really not wanted to bother him with what was probably a ridiculous anxiety. 

“I just feel out of place, it’s silly,” she easily dismissed the entire thing, giving a little shrug. “It’s a lot of people.” 

“Did someone say anything to you?” He asked, concern almost immediately dotting his features. And Glenda shook her head because nothing had really happened, and she couldn’t quite explain why she felt so off.

“No, no one’s done anything. I’m really just being very dramatic,” Glenda laughed, and again to anyone else she might’ve actually sounded amused. “Like I said, it’s silly.” 

“It’s not silly, dramatic as you are.”

“I don’t know,” she sighed a moment later, not even sure how to explain herself. “It just feels like I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know anyone, and the people I do know don’t want me here.”

“I want you here. And so does Sienna,” Thorfinn added, and she was sure there was some relief that the two of them had finally gotten relatively back to normal in the past few weeks, Glenda seemingly forgiven for her part in deceiving her. “She said she was, and I’m direct quoting this now, ‘I need at least one person there with good taste’. She always finds these things dry.”

“I can’t just hang around you and your sister forever.” 

“Why not? I think we’re excellent company,” he disagreed, the comment earning him an eye roll. And then he sighed, his arms moving underneath his jacket to wrap around her waist. Even now she still felt a bit cold, and he couldn’t help but pull her a bit closer. “It’ll get easier. This one feels more like a society party than a work thing,” he admitted, really not having thought that would be the case when they’d agreed to come. 

“I know,” she nodded, having moved to press her cheek to his chest as they stood there, her own arms slung around his waist. “I mean, tell me I’m not just in my own head, right? People are looking.” And at that she looked up, head tilted back so that she could see him.

Thorfinn nodded, having noticed the occasional stares and whispers himself; but he was far more used to how gossip worked within his circle, and knew that eventually it would blow over. “Sooner rather than later someone else will do something scandal inducing and no one will even think about us.”

Knowing he was right -- or at the very least hoping he was, Glenda sighed, still looking a bit pouty. Her expression earned her a few kisses, first to her cheek and then her nose, before Thorfinn pressed his lips to hers. It was much easier to forget about everyone inside after that, and although they kept things rather tame (or tame by their standards), it was eventually Thorfinn who pulled away, really unable to ignore that she was practically shivering. 

“Can we go inside before you freeze to death?” 

Glenda nodded, but that pout still remained on her lips, although now it was definitely more for show than anything else. “Can we just sneak a quickie in your room and go home?” She asked, but it was clear by her tone that her mood had already improved. 

Thorfinn laughed, rolling his eyes even though he kissed her once more. “Yeah, I think we’ve stayed long enough.”

“Oh, and food,” she added once they’d begun to walk back towards the doors, Glenda slipping off his jacket so she could hand it back to him. “I don’t know why rich people insist on such tiny portions, I’m starving.” They both laughed, and despite a few more minutes of mingling did eventually sneak into his bedroom for a quickie, feeling quite bold with their lack of a silencing charm and a slew of people just down the hall. And by the end of the night after leaving the party a touch too early, a stop at some very greasy late night food spot, and another round of sex, she’d completely forgotten that she’d felt out of place at all.

@worldofmuses

[joysmercer]

Grey’s Anatomy 16x02

Amelia’s pregnancy was a surprise last week, and I would be lying if I said it was a good one. However, tonight's scenes almost made it worth it. They’ve only been together for a few months, but Amelia and Link fit together so beautifully already. Both of their fears towards parenthood and regarding their past trauma are valid, but they’re fears – things that can be overcome, if you’re with the right people, and I’m absolutely confident that they are those people for each other. It won’t be easy, but I can’t wait to see what happens.

I didn’t know what to expect from Jo this week, or what state of mind she would be in, and I was pleasantly surprised to see the light back in her eyes after so long. As for Alex, well, he’s always been a supportive husband, and it was heartwarming to see that side of him again this week. Jo has a long road ahead of her, and I know there’s a flashback episode coming up that might bring up new issues, but she’s bounced back so beautifully from where we left off last season.

I am so, so proud of both Jo and Amelia tonight. Only. Freaking. Superheroes.

Miscellaneous Matters:

Link is an absolute sweetheart. I love how the show is highlighting his relationship with Amelia and his friendship with Jo and making him a central player in both storylines. He’s quickly become one of my favorite characters, and I hope we get to see as much of him as possible this season. 

Alex and Webber also provided some cute comic relief this episode, although it does break my heart that they no longer work at GSMH. 

To be honest, I skipped over a lot of the scenes featuring Meredith, Jackson, Owen, Bailey, and Maggie. That being said –

Meredith: Why? Just, why?

Jackson is an ass. Maggie needs to learn to move on; she deserves better.

Can Owen stop. doing. anything? Except for going to California to visit his sister for a while; I’ll be okay if he does that. I’m tired of him.

I have no idea what’s going on with Bailey/Koracick, but a) what exactly is Koracick’s new role? and b) Bailey’s getting really annoying. I understand why, but it’s tiring.

That’s it for now. Until next week!

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

Would you look at the time? It’s 10 Points Time! Let’s not waste time!

...what? Too much?

The reason behind these time puns is simple: I’ve watched this movie named “The Angel in the Clock” (or “El Angel en el Reloj”). Never heard of this movie before, I stumbled upon in on KimCartoon some days ago, and apparently no one has really talked about it.

So you know what that means?

It means that with this post I intend to promote it! Seems only fair, since it’s a movie that apparently people that dealt with cancer worked on it! :D

So, let’s go!

1) First things first, the main character is named Amelia, and while nothing is outright stated, it’s clear that her lack of hair, her need to take medicines, the moment she passes out, and other small details like  doctor calling her mother and the ambulance noises do make it clear that she’s going through a lot, most likely cancer. That alone makes this movie worthy of attention!

2) Can’t fault Amelia for wanting to stop time: considering her father always going to work, and her illness not allowing her to dance, I get why she would want that. Wish I could stop time, uhm, anytime as well, but apparently that’s not the best idea.

3) Ok, the animation on the human character’s mouths is kinda wonky, but the rest is GOOOOOOOOD!! Some of the scenes towards the ending really take the animation up a notch!

4) Wow, a clock forest! Not gonna lie, all the ways clock technology is used in this movie are pretty creative!

5) Honestly, I kinda saw the twist coming: his name has a double meaning of nothingness and eternity. Brilliant!

6) Also, Timeless as a character is honestly the best element in the story: every scene that involves him is so cool because he moves just like a shadow, and the way he tilts his head like a clock needle... Umph! The didn’t need to go that hard on his character, but they did! *3*

7) Here and Now may be the comic relief with their puns, but their banter is actually cute, and they were used nicely!

8) Malachi is a cute angel, enough said. ^_^

9) Ok, yeah, Timeless would’ve attacked regardless, but you still lied to us, dude!

10) Honestly, considering I’ve always had trouble with future, and how much I feared it,, this kind of message feels really meaningful. Kinda sad we didn’t interact with Future as well...

So, how was it?

Ok, so the movie does have some points where it could use a little more work, like the voice dub for some characters could use some more “umph”, and the way some of them move is kinda stilted, but aside from that, is a movie that’s deserves to be seen: the story is creative, the conflict feels really relatable, the music used for some scenes is pretty neat to listen to (since some of the tracks seem to involve ticking), and there’s some scenes that are very much a beauty to watch!

It deserves to be watched for some reasons: it involves dealing with cancer, the message about how it’s best to deal with time is important to internalize, and the characters of Malachi and Timeless are honestly a sight to see, even just for animation alone (one almost never talks, and has got cute interactions, and the other has got an amazing voice and cool character design and role in the story).

So, if you happen to find this movie, give it a watch: it’ll be worth your time. ^^

[nellygwyn]

Harlots Season 3, Episode 1 - Reaction, thoughts etc.

I am just gonna be as candid as possible about all this, and give you my honest thoughts (albeit borne out of a 3am migraine and period pains) about episode 1. I think I might break my thoughts down by storyline. Spoilers ahead:

• Charlotte Wells - So, initially, I was loving Charlotte. She was the Charlotte I know and love. Even when the Pincher storyline began to unfold and Isaac appeared in her life, I initially thought 'Charlotte is dealing with this in the Charlotte way. He's hateful to her so she laughs at him and plays him at his own stupid game.' Unfortunately, it appears that there is going to be some kind of romance between the two, or at least a sexual relationship, which began to unfold in the last part of the episode. This is a violent pimp, a class of people Charlotte has always hated, who lied to her, choked her and wants to bleed her dry. He threatened the girls in her house and then, he set fire to it, with Nancy and Fanny's baby inside. And this is supposed to be sexy? No. Like, I can't predict how this will ultimately end but I'm sorry, if the season finale isn't a shot of Isaac Pincher dead in the Thames, I really....really am disappointed they decided to sell this relationship as anything other than ooc for Charlotte and illogical. Also, can I just say that bawds and pimps worked with each other all the time? This is why Charlotte should never have BEEN a bawd. Bawds are not the pinnacle of feminism, they were often awful (and if not awful then morally grey) and pimps, that they often worked alongside, were worse. I don't think most of the bawds in the show are wholly bad but they were never wholly good either and presenting them as 'the sisterhood'...hello????

• Isabella - Now you guys know I do not like Isabella. I did like her and then at the end of Season 2, she threw Charlotte and other sex workers to the metaphorical wolves. However, S3 opens a year later and everything is...fine again, apparently? Charlotte forgives her, is probably even having sex with her sometimes. Even Nancy was nice to her, despite how much she riled against her at the end of S2. HOW IN THE HELL have we got here? Isabella's character has kind of done a complete 180 too. She's kind and mild. Maybe they want to make Fitzwells work as a ship but idk about my fellow bi girls or even lesbians out there....how do you feel about a bi woman throwing herself at a sexually perverse violent man and leaving a woman who is kind and affectionate to her in the dust? Is that portrayal something you want? Anyway, Isabella was okay in the episode, nothing super exciting. Sophia was BORING AS HELL and I do not DO NOT care about her elopement. Like...okay? This feels irrelevant and unnecessary?? Also, another historical note: Isabella wanted her friends to give money to Charlotte and her house, right? Their refusal obviously wasn't surprising to me, it was a massive risk on Isabella's part (ooc? Ooc) but when one of the women said 'You want us to give charity to harlots?' in a disgusted tone, I was just thinking like....that's exactly what you all already do. With the Magdalen Hospital and the Foundling Hospital. Late 18th century aristocrats were all about charity to sex workers. Not for the right reasons and not always in the most helpful ways but that was de rigueur. It wasn't the charity part that should've raised that lady's eyebrow, it was the fact Isabella was asking them to fund a brothel essentially.

• Emily Lacey - Her relationship with Hal Pincher is okay but like, again, he's a pimp, less violent than his brother but...birds of a feather flock together! I'm not really sure why she suddenly isn't very ambitious anymore but if she wants a lower middle class keeper? I support her. Also, lol, 'I wanna learn about commerce' as if 'commerce' wasn't also Georgian era slang for 'fucking.'

•Charles Quigley - I haven't forgotten how that little shit behaved at the end of Season 2 but I admit, I felt some sympathy with him or rather, pitied the fact that he was wallowing in his own sorrow. I wonder if he's left London for good...it did seem like they are trying to set up a romance between him and Fanny which...first of all, NO. Second of all, if he has to have a romance with someone that isn't Emily, why not Cherry? She adores him. But I feel as if she's used for comic relief a lot of the time, as if we're supposed to giggle at the fact that 1) a disabled sex worker exists, and 2) that she has quite a strong sexuality as well as having a disability. So maybe we won't see that, idk.

• Harriet - Harriet is based on a real person, a black woman who lived in Georgian London and decided to open a brothel populated purely with sex workers of colour. So I am glad they are finally getting into that storyline for her. We only met Rani properly, out of all her girls, and I adore her. Honestly, Harriet's storyline actually seems like it is gonna be great but also very minor, which is disappointing.

• Lydia - I hated the Bedlam storyline when it began and I am still unsure of it now. HOWEVER, since that's how things stand, I have to really praise Lesley Manville's acting power for making me root for Lydia and making me want her to be free again and bring a semblance of (evil) normality back to Covent Garden. What I REALLY hated was Catherine's intersecting storyline. Listen, lots of young girls got sent to Bedlam in the Georgian era but not usually for having sex with a servant. I know we often think of the past as being rife with doctors diagnosing sexually active women with hysteria and the like, but that wasn't really a thing at this point. In fact, attitudes towards the differences between men and women were just teetering on changing. Women were still seen as naturally hot blooded, men their prey at this point, and it wouldn't be until later on in the 18th century and into the 19th century that women were seen as naturally sexually modest and subservient and men, the hot blooded, libertine ones. It just feels...so dumb. I mean, I liked Catherine, I just want to know why that reason was used to chuck her in Bedlam. You know what might have actually been interesting? If she had some kind of depression or mental disability. Or even just for being a little weird, or non-conforming. They threw lower class women in for all those things and more.

• Lucy - One of the highlights of the episode, for me, was Lucy's storyline which intersects with new characters, Elizabeth Harvey and her son, Fredo (who is gorgeous and so foppish and ugh...it is a shame his character seems solely attracted to men because I...am a little bit in love). I was a little annoyed that Lucy wanting to be a bawd was presented as some kind of...regular ambition for a sex worker? As if being a bawd naturally followed being a courtesan. This isn't true. It's not like getting your undergraduate degree and then going to do your master's. Bawds were a very specific thing and most courtesan didn't want to essentially exploit women in that way. Anyway, after that fiasco, she does indeed go to buy a house and throws her lot in with Elizabeth and Fredo who want to open a mollyhouse. So, Lucy is a molly bawd now which to me, is a lot less awful than being a regular bawd. I'm excited to see where this goes, Elizabeth and Fredo were some WELCOME additions for me, along with Rani. Unfortunately, there were a lot of allusions to sodomy being a capital crime and Mrs May has a share in the house too so...I'm as worried about the outcome as I am excited to see mollyhouses explored.

All in all? I did enjoy the episode, perhaps because I was warned prior about some of the unsavoury things that happened and had time to prepare. I'm obviously very upset about the whole Charlotte and Isaac thing which does appear to be the dominant storyline, and that's not good. This season doesn't really understand what continuity is and Isabella walking into a gentleman's club to tell all the men there that she had a child out of wedlock made me laugh out loud because it was so absurd. Violet, Amelia, Florence and Justice Hunt have disappeared without a trace. Will and Jacob will be in the season but weren't in episode 1 (apparently they are in Scarborough, boxing, which....wig). BUT (and it's a very tentative 'but') this episode had enough small saving graces to spur me on to continue, if only to see Fredo say 'It's a hanging offence so it pays a lot, darling' again, and the gorgeous (GORGEOUS) costumes. Am I disappointed overall? Yeah. Do I think it is an irredeemable season? No, not yet. Watch this space.