#now if we want to talk about horror scenario... lmfao
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silkspectred Ā· 26 days ago
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Double date scenarios for Spike/Buffy and Steve/Tony?
(Or swap or add Dean/Cas if that suits your fancy better)
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oh my god okay i'm not good at this but i'm doing both because now i want to
spuffy + deancas: definitely the two worlds are pretty compatible, i'd say more than marvel (even though vampires are a thing there too of course). dean and buffy would be, like, INSTANTLY BFFS but buffy would also be kinda weirded out by the fact that actual angels exist (what with her having been to heaven - one heavenly dimension anyway, idk - and having seen no angels) but eventually she'd warm up to cas like everyone does lol even though he'd sometimes say something and she'd be like "i have no idea what he's talking about" because that's just how cas is and dean would look at her like "tell me about it girl". spike would be DELIGHTED by every single interaction he gets to have with cas and he'd be super interested in how the grace works. spike would ask dean to let him drive the impala and that would not go well as we all know, but then spike would back off and he'd watch so many movies with dean and they'd get into fights about their fave ships on their fave soaps. they would also start a trashy (affectionate) romance novel club. spike would convince dean to wear rings again.
spuffy + stevetony: i feel like tony would have such a hard time in the beginning surrounded by all these blondes lmfao then tony and spike would get into some terrible verbal battle of wits where they absolutely destroy each other until they both burst out laughing at the exact same time and they'd be besties from then on. steve and buffy would watch all this unfold in complete horror and then they'd be very relieved. spike would not get steve at first (and vice versa) but then he'd see his softer side and warm up to him especially when steve asks him to pose for his drawings because he has that super interesting face, with the cheekbones and everything (maybe buffy is the one who tells steve to ask because she knows spike can be a bit vain lol and it would also remind him of the old days with no photography). buffy and tony would talk about fashion and clothes and he would invite her to all the fancy fashion events like imagine buffy and tony going to the met gala lol. buffy and steve would be sparring partners and spike would touch every. single. thing. in tony's workshop and tony would complain but he actually does not mind one tiny bit and he'd let spike drive all his cars. tony would work on some technology to allow spike to go outside during the day and not burst into flames and spike would be very excited about it and buffy wouldn't think at all about a daytime wedding ceremony in the park. also at some point tony would throw some money at spuffy because these kids are dirt poor (yes tony would call them kids even though spike is very very old and spike pretends to be offended by it but he actually isn't).
these also aren't really double dates but more how they would interact/fit together if these couples were friends
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rigginsstreet Ā· 3 years ago
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Will u tell me more abt fredsythe psych ward roommates šŸ„ŗ
i will!
i was thinking maybe fp was there first and had his own room or maybe his old roommate late idk but fred comes in and at first hes basically catatonic like he just spends all his time curled up in bed or when he has to leave the room he just finds a corner and stays there until he can go back. he doesnt talk to anyone. its a blessing and a curse cuz on the one hand fp gets a quiet roommate but on the other hand it kinda really annoys him
but then one night fps having a really bad nightmare and hes thrashing around in his bed and fred gets up and goes over to him and coaxes him awake and like.... its not the best scenario. cuz maybe fp grabs him and in his frantic state is about to start beating the shit outta fred and it kinda scares the shit outta fred but fp catches himself in time and he doesnt say thank you or anything. he just goes back to bed and freds likeĀ ā€œum youre welcome ???ā€ and fps laying in bed thinking about how his old roommate never helped him through a nightmare....
so ANYWAY fred starts coming out of his shell a little more (i like to think he sits and draws a lot... i dont know what this has to do with anything i just thought id share) and he and fp find out theyve got similar taste in music sometimes and movies and other interests (though when they do differ on things it turns into a whole argument but like a playful one which is surprising given how freds seen fp literally come to blows with other people for far simpler shit) and then maybe fred can show fp some of his drawings and maybe fp can ask for something specific or fred just draws something for fp anyway and fp hangs it up by his bed i do not know....
and after they start to form a sort of friendship the next time fps having a bad nightmare fred ends up crawling into his bed and holding him through it... and this is where the romance is born baby!!!
they would defend each other a lot too like during group therapy if one of them wasnt up to talking that day and the therapist kept pushing the other one would speak up and be likeĀ ā€œhe doesnt want to share so leave him alone!ā€ and that kind of settles that.
them sitting together in the rec room to watch tv or on movie nights... or theyre always playing games together... out in the yard is when freds happiest cuz he gets to be outside in the sun and fp cannot get enough of him like heā€™ll just stare and stare at fred soaking up the rays he has never seen anything more beautiful šŸ¤§
have also been thinking muchly about fp lashing out at the doctors and nurses for whatever reason like hes throwing shit and maybe got hold of a scalpel or something and theres all this yelling going on to try and restrain him and fred runs in and goes straight for fp cuz he knows how to handle him and one of the bigger dudes working there is holding him back cuz patients arent supposed to interfere with other patients but freds yelling at them to let him go and he can help fp! and finally one of the doctors is likeĀ ā€œwell we might as well let him tryā€ and fred walks over to him all gentle and gets him to calm down and subdues him... yeah
and then i think they should sneak into supply closets and shit to fool around lmfao a nurse has definitely walked into their room on her morning rounds and found them snuggling in bed together but she was cool and didnt tell anyone but it certainly scared the shit out of them. but if their doctor started catching on to how close they were and was bringing it up during sessions.... i do not know
them squished together in those tiny ass beds under the covers at night telling each other secrets and playing with their hands and stealing kisses and soft touches.... also yeah....
making each other happy amidst miserable circumstances.... also just gonna throw this out there i feel like fps good at one flew over the cuckoos nest jack nicholson impressions lmao and that entertains fred
oh and fps always stealing candy out of vending machines for fred like heā€™ll go back to their room and just slip him a whole chocolate bar without saying anything and its basically christmas for fred :ā€™)
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n1kolaiz Ā· 3 years ago
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The Six Realms
Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3
Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!
Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?
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I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.
Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!
So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.
"We are the Decay of Angelsā€”hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."
Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57
Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.
Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.
- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana
As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.
The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradiseā€” empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.
The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.
The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.
The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.
The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.
The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.
Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.
If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.
[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]
The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.
Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.
Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."
And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different peopleā€” these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.
[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]
Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.
side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.
Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guiltā€” "Living itself is a source of sin."
Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.
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Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:
the decay of courtly tradition in Japan
the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics
Mishimaā€™s apocalyptic vision of the modern era
Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:
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Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.
On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.
Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.
As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.
In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'
A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:
Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.
The Decay of an Angel, p.53
The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:
He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.
The Decay of an Angel, p.113
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I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."
What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world dominationā€” you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.
This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.
That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3
sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :
the six realms
samsara
the decay of angels
beast!au
the book
the sea of fertility
yukio mishima
theory:Ā dazaiā€™s emotional/mental state in beast!au
qā€™sĀ theory: dazai being the protector of the book
theory: beast!dazai and the book
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seijorhi Ā· 3 years ago
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asks :))
what i have learned today is that yā€™all wanna get fucked by some monsters...
What does nostos mean? What language is it in? šŸ¤” also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen
itā€™s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course itā€™s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the readerā€™s coming back to the mountains, but sheā€™s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha
Just read nostos-
First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. Thatā€™s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next šŸ˜³
Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) šŸ‘€ know what I mean??? šŸ˜¼
ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again Iā€™ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILYšŸ’–)
you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty
Omfg that fic was so good!
Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (šŸ‘šŸ‘„šŸ‘ there's no such thing as a coincidence)
Looking forward to your future work <3
ty nonnie!! i didnā€™t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the readerā€™s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the readerā€™s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive ā€“ they knew no animal couldā€™ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldnā€™t just come out and say it <33
You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!
The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*
A+++++
ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because iā€™m never sure if the suspense and everythingā€™s gonna hit right haha
I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like ā€œsure hope this doesnā€™t give me nightmaresā€ and thankfully it didnā€™t lol. But I think Iā€™m willing to take that chance again because itā€™s so GOOD and I think Iā€™m just going to have to relive it ā€“ @ohno-otome
fhdjgbfhjkdfn iā€™m glad it didnā€™t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, iā€™m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just canā€™t stop watching them haha
I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl ā€“ @itishebihime-samaforyou
ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha
OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice šŸ„ŗšŸ’–šŸ’•
TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha
Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!šŸ§šā€ā™€ļøāœØšŸ§žā€ā™€ļøšŸ¦–šŸ¦­šŸŒ¹šŸ’«
tysm nonnie!!! <33
iā€™m pretty sure iā€™m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readersā€™ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itchšŸ˜« i feel bad for kohsuke though
bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think thereā€™s like... 3 of you haha
Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now
lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol
your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them
thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isnā€™t gonna eat her ā€“ heā€™s had plenty of chances to do that if thatā€™s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader
RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave šŸ˜Œ love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again
ā€˜i want to say that iā€™m not a monster fuckerā€™ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!
Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.
(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)
Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do
-šŸ„š
GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, theyā€™ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!
Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you wouldā€™ve loved Haikyuu season 5šŸ˜”āœŠā€“ @joyvstheworld
poor kohsuke deserved better, iā€™m just mean to the ocā€™s i throw into fics haha
Monsterfucking ā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &
This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin
i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the manā€™s a snacc. and as far as your second question, sugaā€™s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways itā€™s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha
That was so good. Iā€™m so shook rn I canā€™t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are
TYSM NONNIE!!! <33
Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---
Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.
Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...
https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ
Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)
~ @the-casual-hedonist šŸŒø
i love how feral yā€™all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kurooā€™s hands and yā€™all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby
idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me šŸ˜¢āœ‹ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics
i think thatā€™s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenarioā€™s, itā€™s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you
Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an ā€œunfortunate eventā€ ? Love your work btw!!
he most certainly did :))
LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.
id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??šŸ¤ØšŸ¤ØšŸ¤Øā‰ļøā€¼ļø
EXACTLY! listen i get that itā€™s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh
Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )
To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing šŸ˜ŽšŸ’…
ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft šŸ„ŗ
I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao
kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, sheā€™d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!
You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.
šŸšØSpoilers AheadšŸšØ
After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure heā€™d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?šŸ¤¤
choso would make an excellent yandere, nglĀ šŸ˜Œ
what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?
(rlly hope this makes sensešŸ™)
i am always a slut for soulmate auā€™s :))
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blueboltkatana Ā· 3 years ago
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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.
Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.
Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:
So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's clichƩ but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.
Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.
I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.
Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.
I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.
Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk
Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.
With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.
You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.
The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.
(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2
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Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.
I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.
I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.
The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.
Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.
This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.
You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.
Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.
The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.
Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? šŸ˜¬ How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.
Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.
Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.
Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.
Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.
Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.
A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.
With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.
Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.
The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.
Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.
With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.
This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.
Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3
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hanabiira Ā· 4 years ago
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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.
First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. Itā€™s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.
MUN NAME: BunnyĀ  Ā AGE: 26Ā  Ā  Ā Ā CONTACT: IM & Discord
CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late.Ā 
CURRENT FANDOM(S): BleachĀ 
BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: Ā None that Iā€™ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.
MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji.Ā 
THEMES Iā€™M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.
PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.
ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)
CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: Ā  YES (please do!) / NO Ā  Ā only by Mutuals?: Ā YES / NO.
PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.
IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: Ā  YES / NO.
ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: Ā YES / NO / DEPENDS.
DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: Ā YES / NO / SOMEWHAT
HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF Iā€™M BUSY I
Iā€™M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom)Ā / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.
DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Ā 
BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: Ā Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord thereā€™s no reason to IM me really. Iā€™m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop.Ā 
WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if weā€™re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if itā€™s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I donā€™t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I donā€™t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then Iā€™m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches.Ā 
WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesnā€™t seem into it Iā€™ll probably just drop it? Iā€™m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp theyā€™re not vibing with, itā€™s fine.Ā 
HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: Ā I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever Iā€™m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldnā€™t necessarily call it plotting because it doesnā€™t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever weā€™re trying to plan?Ā 
WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: Ā  YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I wonā€™t be mad, just be likeĀ ā€˜hey can we drop this?ā€™ and Iā€™ll be likeĀ ā€œcoolā€. I get that sometimes you just canā€™t find the words to reply to something and thatā€™s ok. But just let me know so Iā€™m not sitting there waiting for a reply Iā€™m never going to get.Ā 
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: Ā Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....canā€™t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped!Ā 
- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: Ā  YES / NO / DEPENDS.
IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.
- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something weā€™re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so donā€™t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they donā€™t hate you. 90% of us donā€™t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so....Ā 
ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, Iā€™m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern Iā€™m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as ā€œcriticismā€ that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me.Ā  Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and theyā€™re having fun Iā€™m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! Itā€™s one way to improve.Ā 
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.
WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. Iā€™m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I donā€™t profess myself to be much of a writer so Iā€™m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I donā€™t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something thatā€™s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasnā€™t always been something natural to me.Ā 
WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: Ā I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than justĀ ā€œooh, look at the pretty flowersā€ and it is not really something Iā€™ve gotten to explore despite my time here.Ā 
THEMES I WONā€™T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I donā€™t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I wonā€™t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I donā€™t want to write it.Ā 
WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CANā€™T WORK WITH?:Ā  Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like theĀ ā€œwhy are you hereā€,Ā ā€œwhat are you doingā€,Ā ā€œwho are youā€ sorts of starters. Theyā€™re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time!Ā 
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Ā Thatā€™s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck .Ā 
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I canā€™t realistically see her meeting or running into.Ā 
WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once Iā€™m in Iā€™m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if thatā€™s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr Iā€™m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe???Ā 
WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say Iā€™m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely canā€™t write when Iā€™m mentally exhausted. It wonā€™t happen. So there may be times where you just wonā€™t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also donā€™t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just canā€™t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lolĀ 
DO YOU RP SMUT?: Ā YES / NO/ DEPENDS.
DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.
- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and Iā€™m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me.Ā  And I also donā€™t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, Iā€™m down for a good smut thread.Ā 
- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Iā€™m pretty vanilla and I didnā€™t really give Miki anything thatā€™s really nonstandard. Iā€™m not going to shame anyone for what theyā€™re into or their characters but thereā€™s just kinks I couldnā€™t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though.Ā 
ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: Ā  YES / NOĀ 
WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO.Ā Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.Ā Ā 
DO YOU USE READ MORE?: Ā YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).
ARE YOU: Ā Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship Ā ā€” Ā Multiverse / Singleverse.
- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?:Ā 
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant).Ā 
ā–ŗ SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.
- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?:Ā  Miki is unique, Iā€™d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldnā€™t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. Iā€™m not saying necessarilyĀ that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetiqueā„¢ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface levelĀ ā€œI like flowersā€ aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways.Ā 
- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:Ā  Again, ones that I canā€™t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive.Ā 
- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Ā Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed.Ā 
- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:Ā  The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes.Ā 
- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:Ā  Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor.Ā 
- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:Ā  Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff.Ā 
- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:Ā Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves.Ā 
- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:Ā  The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother.Ā 
- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:Ā  Itā€™s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if itā€™s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else.Ā 
- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:Ā  Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people.Ā 
IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:Ā  Just roll up on her. Sheā€™s easily found in her barracks.Ā 
SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.
CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ā™„
Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there.Ā 
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penitentprodigy Ā· 6 years ago
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(here you go~!) maple, fog, orchard, and bonfire!
autumnal asks šŸ‚ | @dancersofdestiny
maple - is there a hobby / skill that youā€™ve always wanted to try but never did?
answered here! not as far as i remember! which i guess isnā€™t very far since iā€™ve forgotten a many number of things sfjgkhs but there was a point where i was in aĀ ā€œbandā€ with my brother and my childhood friend. i use that term loosely bc we were all kids and had no idea what we were doing and no musical talent. but i had an actual drum set and i was the drummer of our band. i literally didnā€™t do anywhere near good i would just bang on it every now and again bc rhythm?? genuine musical passion?? donā€™t know her
the only thing iā€™ll give us credit for is our name. my friend was a vegan so we called ourselves ā€œchildren of seitanā€ bc seitan is a type of vegan meat thatā€™s pronounced like satan lmfao
fog - how well do you think youā€™d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?
answered here! i feel like we talked about this at some point but the second the zombie apocalypse starts?? we out bye itā€™s been real. iā€™m not sticking around for that bc i donā€™t want to live in such a horrible world and watch my loved ones get eaten and all that shit. iā€™m gone before it even startsĀ āœŒļø
orchard - share one thing that youā€™d like to happen this autumn.
watch way more spooky movies with u bc weā€™re already almost halfway through october and weā€™ve only watched one movie itā€™s a crime!!!
bonfire - describe your dream house.
it would be an apartment bc i refuse to live a house. iā€™m way too paranoid for that fgjkshg i just donā€™t feel safe anywhere except an apartment bc thereā€™s safety in numbers and if something awful were to happen thereā€™s people right across the hall who can help immediately. ofc neighbors in a neighborhood can help too but in a case where if someone breaks in all of us would be aware of it and can help, call the police, etc.
weā€™ve had multiple break ins here so the paranoia definitely stems from that too but also iā€™ve just watched too many horror/home invasion movies to feel safe in a big house lol
ANYWAY i would just like something of a decent size thatā€™s cozy. i donā€™t want a really big place and iā€™d like to have the freedom to make it feel like home. iā€™d want to put up posters and that kind of stuff. iā€™m not picky man i just want to feel comfortableĀ šŸ’•
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lysitheaioandeuropa Ā· 7 years ago
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All the autumnal asks
ayyy
lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?'best friends' are so arbitrary. but michelle and i had the same training class at work and she thought i was intimidating lmao i thought she was odd but then realized she was actually cool. we're kind of inseparable now. i want to say my partner is my best friend as well, aside from being my gf we rly do have a close bond and i like talking to her and sharing things with her. of course both of those relationships are different dynamics, but i tell her everything, even shit that i know she's not interested in but she'll enjoy listening bc i am lmao and vice versa, and i wouldn't want it any other way
frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?oh MAN. i always say i wish i could go back and just do high school and on all over again knowing what i know now. i would cry a lot my freshman year bc i didn't have any friends and like, i wish i would have known to seek out help? and i wish i had known how outright abusive my first boyfriend was and how not good for me the other couple were. that "attention" doesn't always equate to good, and being violated multiple times against my wishes was something i should have found an adult i trusted and talked about with. i wish i could tell myself to work so much harder for what i want. i wish i knew i was gay sooner lmfao, like i KNEW but kids today are more exposed to that now, it's so easy to find a label or lack thereof for yourself with information at the tip of your hands you know (also kinda wish i didn't grow up in a church at all). i didn't figure out a label until.. far too late in life i think. i wish i knew to not feel guilty about it, to talk about it to other people, to not have to struggle with having crushes on just about all my friends and just being so confused about it lmao. anyway, i just want to make better choices for myself and a better person.
maple - is there a hobby / skill that youā€™ve always wanted to try but never did?i rly rly wanted to learn to play the harp.
harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?i'm not sure, none of the fictional characters i read about or anything are relatable to me. i do admire so many of them though
fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?who knows bro lmfao i have no idea what my aesthetic is lmao. it would be absolutely flawless though and would have a bit evertything. punk, goth,Ā ā€œprofessional,ā€ whatever. right now i just think i am stuck inĀ ā€œugly old lady hagā€ and i donā€™t know what to do about it. i absolutely hate my entire fucking wardrobe rn
cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?i know there are quite a few things actually, but currently the only thing that comes to mind is salad dressing lol. i used to have all my salads naked but now i like italian and caesar but just those two
amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.SUMMER IS NOT THE VILLAIN IN 500 DAYS EVERY MAN THAT THINKS SHE IS MISSED THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE MOVIE. TOM IS PROBLEMATIC ACCEPT THAT SHIT.
SAME GOES FOR FUCKING TED AND ROBIN. LIKE YES YOU KNOW FROM EPISODE ONE THAT THEY ARE END GAME AND YOU EVEN ROOT FOR THEM AT TIMES, BUT LIKE NO IT SHOULDN'T HAVE ENDED LIKE THAT.
fog - how well do you think youā€™d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?i say this all the time i would not survive that shit lmao, i hope i rly do find a way to make it or die within the first couple seconds bc i'ma be pissed if i put in all that work to still die before there is a cure. i wanna see how society is reconstructed or if it is at all like that'd be more interesting than TWD of FTWD
jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?shay mitchell
spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?no but i am watching paranormal survivors atm
orchard - share one thing that youā€™d like to happen this autumn.gingerbread houses & a nice gift exchange. i'm excited to spend most if not all of the holidays together
crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?i pretty much have an aptitude for everything but i'm not like spectacular at anything. so i guess music bc i didn't practice anywhere near enough as i should have
bonfire - describe your dream house.two-story w maybe three bedrooms (i guess 4 if i magically end up having 2 kids). i would like "den" so to speak as an office/library space. i prefer open layouts with a lot of natural light available. enough greenlife in a balcony upstairs, the backyard has nice landscaping and a huge deck. whole thing is fenced in, white picket type thing so my neighbors ain't sneaking. it would be nice if it looked over a lake of some sort. i have a nice vision in my mind that i know i can't put into words. ideally we'll build a lot of it ourselves. the master suite would be NICEEE w french doors leading out to the balcony as well. bathroom has both, a nice porcelain tub and a two-headed shower (in this fantasy we can afford that kinda sewage bill). floors are hardwood all around, and matching marble countertops in the bathroom(s). the kitchen is a nice tile as well. cabinets are a pretty hard wood as well. alternative is a nife spacious open loft with everything mentioned, except the balcony is much bigger and access to a rooftop deck of our own. a loooot of glass, a lot of natural light over looking a huge city. in the perfect world i'd have that view of the space needle on one side and the mountain range on the other.
cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?there are no previous time periods that are exactly good for women of color
cobweb - (if youā€™ve graduated) do you miss high school?fuck no. but i would still want to redo it better. the only thing i miss i not having to pay bills but.. everything else i dealt with wasn't worth the tradeoff
cranberry - whatā€™s one physical feature that you get complimented on?uhh i don't get complimented. however, every year students have said "ohh she's really pretty!" lol like they're surprised and i'm not what they expected
maize - share the weirdest encounter youā€™ve had with a stranger on the street.i can't rly think of any.
quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?hazelnut flavored coffee w half and half, & 3 splenda
pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?bad, i don't trust anyone to be good enough to be as such "inherently"
moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?SUPER NEAT Ā however, depression can get in the way of that. but even then my messy is not at all someone else's messy i'm just picky. my house and room are very orderly and i'm not fixing to have it be otherwise
flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date? not like a date horror story, and the one's i've had in my last & current relationship have been rly nice. but i think before some of the dates i had were certainly questionable
cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?i mean if i could have any i would try them all or change them at whim. rn though i just want my long dark curly hair again
ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?yeah dude, a ton to be honest. but it is what it is
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atlaswriting Ā· 6 years ago
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I want to think of a scenario in which no one looses, an outcome that saves all of our naive hearts from ruinā€”but there isnā€™t a world where we survive unscathed. There are always causalities in a war of hearts and the trick is to be the one still beating by the end of it all.
ā€œYou and Sophie?ā€
Instantly, Abramā€™s cheeks turn redā€”but he refuses to break eye contact, ā€œMe and Sophie nothing, weā€™re just friends.ā€
ā€œLike you and I are just friends?ā€
ā€œThatā€™s different.ā€
Iā€™m clutching my pen between tightly wound fingers, knuckles aching, ā€œIs it really, though?ā€
Mrs. Pierce finally enters the room and I lean back, but Abram refuses to look forward, refuses to take his eyes away from me, ā€œCompletely different. And even if it wasnā€™t, Elise, at least Sophie isnā€™t afraid of what she wantsā€”she goes after it. She doesnā€™t try and waste away to nothing just so she doesnā€™t have to deal with life.ā€ His words are low, vicious and cut through skin. Any sharper and I would be choking back blood.
ā€œMrs. Pierce,ā€ I raise my hand, ā€œIā€™m not feeling very well. Iā€™d like to go back to my room now.ā€
ā€œYou havenā€™t been in class all week Elise, do you think thatā€™s a really good idea?ā€
ā€œIf youā€™d rather me waste away to nothing on your classroom floor, Iā€™d be more than happy to. Otherwise Iā€™d rather complete whatever assignments in my room.ā€
She rolls her eyes, releases her short hair from the tight confines of her bun and shakes her head, ā€œDo whatever you want.ā€
I shove my books into my bag and slide my chair noisily across the floorā€”I move by Abram, not without bumping him with my hip on the way out.
ā™” ā™” ā™”
We need to do something about Abram.
Who is this?
Ellie. Can I call you? We need to do something about his situation.
How did you get my phone number? Abram doesnā€™t even have my phone number.
And what situation are you even talking about?
You do know Iā€™m not his handler, right?
Ask his boyfriend.
It doesnā€™t matter how I have it. Just that I do.
Wait, why doesnā€™t Abram have your number? Arenā€™t you fuck buddies?
Thatā€™s crass.
Is it a lie?
I thought not.
So are you going to help me?
Why canā€™t you ask Brody?
Brody will tell Abram.
Soā€¦ask him not to?
Lmfao... Sweetie.
No.
Iā€™m calling you.
( incoming call from ellie. )
ā™” ā™” ā™”
ā€œYou canā€™t really be that mad?ā€ Jason asks. Heā€™s given up completely on studying and has been nervously eating an entire sleeve of peanut butter cups. ā€œDidnā€™t you ask Abram to take her out?ā€
ā€œYes,ā€ I say, ā€œBut that doesnā€™t mean I wanted him to do it. I thought he would make up some excuse like he has twenty times before.ā€
Jason scoffs, ā€œHeā€™s probably just you knowā€¦ pent up and needed to release some aggression.ā€ A large smile spreads across his face at the innuendo and I roll my eyes. Stomach churning at the thought of Abram doing anything with Sophie.
Not because I thought she was disgustingā€”the exact opposite. Sophie was gorgeous; she had legs for days and was effortlessly pretty. She was smart, in a scary way and was constantly underestimatedā€”it made her resilient, a fighter, and more often than not, a winner.
I wanted to scream at Jason. I wanted to tear away all the pages from the book in my lap, but instead I dug my nails into my thigh, digging in further until the pain in my leg outweighed the pain in my chest and I only stopped when he leaned over and plucked my hand away from my body.
ā€œJesus Christ, Elise, youā€™re drawing blood. What is wrong with you?ā€
ā€œNothing is wrong with me. Why would you ask that?ā€
ā€œYou havenā€™t been acting like yourself latelyā€”you havenā€™t been eating, is that why you were hospitalized? And anytime someone brings up Abram you go nuts.ā€
ā€œI go nuts?ā€
ā€œThatā€™s not what I meant.ā€
I throw the book off my lap and stand up, ā€œMaybe, but itā€™s what you said.ā€
Jasonā€™s quick to stand too, walking toward me with outstretched arms. When I donā€™t move away he wraps them around me, ā€œIā€™m sorry, thatā€™s not what I meant. You just seem protective over him, thatā€™s all.ā€ His lips press to the crook of my neck and he breathes in deeply, ā€œYou care about him a lot?ā€ Jason asks.
He pulls away and it takes everything in me not to cry, so I nod, teeth digging into my cheek. ā€œHeā€™s my best friend, Jason.ā€
ā€œHeā€™s like a brother to you.ā€
I donā€™t know if Jason says that to convince himself or meā€”but he brings my forehead to his lips and I donā€™t argue. He doesnā€™t try to convince me otherwise when I tell him Iā€™m tired and that Iā€™ll see him tomorrow.
When Iā€™m alone, I fall onto my mattress, letting the ragged beat of my heart lull me into a calmer state where the knot in my lungs isnā€™t quite as big and I can breathe.
A knock at the door stirs me and Iā€™m hoping to find Abram on the other side. I brush back my hair, fix my skirt and try to button up my shirt to maintain some modesty.
ā€œExpecting someone else?ā€ Sophie asks as I open the door.
My shoulders hunch and I use my body to keep her from coming in the room any further, ā€œIā€™m getting ready for bed, Soph, what do you want?ā€
She held up three different sized condoms, ā€œAbram and I are going to get coffee and I wanted to know which size is more accurate?ā€
I clench my jaw, so tight Iā€™m surprised I donā€™t break teeth. ā€œAbram isnā€™t like that.ā€
ā€œWeā€™ll see. I think Iā€™m slowly starting to rip your claws out of him.ā€ She sighs and shoves them back into her pocket, ā€œRemember Elise, you canā€™t have your cake and throw it up, too.ā€
ā™” ā™” ā™”
Cerise has always compared me to dying fruit. When other mothers thought rainbows shined out of their little girlsā€™ asses, Cerise often reminded me that I was pretty on the outsideā€”but when you bit in all you got was a mouthful of rot.
I couldnā€™t say I blamed her.
The pretty skin and long hair was only a mask and underneath was the true horror. I had spent hours scratching at the surface of my skin, trying to pull the monster out. Under my skin was red and raw and uninviting. Until all the pretty little freckles were dots of blood any tan lines were replaced with welts left by fingernails.
The last thing to go was my hair. I grabbed a pair of sheers from my desk and pulled my hair out of its ponytail.
Ugly little thing, I thoughtā€”relief warming my body. I held my hair and watched with jaded eyes as the sheers ripped through the meticulously cared after tresses. Years of expensive, imported shampoo was now sitting in my sink and the weightā€”literally was lifted.
I donā€™t stop cutting until my bob, jaggedā€”but not half bad, was below my chin and when I can breathe I drop the scissors.
For a moment I donā€™t recognize the girl staring back at meā€”eyes wide and wild, ravenous with a hunger that couldnā€™t be satisfied with food.
Watch this disappearing act, Houdini.
ā™” ā™” ā™”
The stares arenā€™t half as bad as I thought they would be. Some quiet whispers but mostly, two-faced compliments left peopleā€™s mouth.
I donā€™t feel so watched until lunch when weā€™ve all crowded the cafeteria and Iā€™m sitting alone at a table, staring at the food on my trayā€”willing myself to eat.
Abram is the first to sit down, staring with his mouth agape.
Jason is next.
And finally Sophie who sits beside Abram. She grins, ā€œDid you mean to cut it all short and choppy like that? I mean, really, Elise, thereā€™s a Great Clips a mile away. Abram and I couldā€™ve brought you last night.ā€
I glare back at her. Stabbing into my chicken and shoving it in my mouth to keep from snapping at her.
ā€œI like it,ā€ Jason announces. ā€œI think itā€™s sexy, babe.ā€ He leans over and kisses my cheek. Abram hasnā€™t said anything and I pull my sweater down to cover any angry skin from last nightā€™s breakdown.
Jason asks Abram a question about hockey and Sophieā€™s conversation turns to her fatherā€”who she said is running for Congress in Georgia. Iā€™m doing my best to nod without listening when my phone buzzes on the table.
Jasonā€™s phone pings next, and then Abramā€™sā€”soon the entire cafeteria is filled with different text tones. At different times, thumbs click the recording delivered by text and moaning stuns everyone silent.
ā€œWe shouldnā€™t be doing this.ā€
A very distinct, very Abramā€™s voice says and all of our eyes are cast on him.
The moaning that follows makes me wish I had successfully crawled out of my skin the night prior. I would know that second voice anywhere, itā€™s mine.
I look up at Abram who stares back at me in horror, face red. But when the recording ends, heā€™s rewarded with a few slaps on the back from guys and girls talking behind their hands, eyeing him like a piece of meat.
ā€œDude!ā€ Jason shouts, ā€œWho was that? She sounded so familiar.ā€
Abram and I are still staring at each other and my hand was holding the plastic fork so tight it snapped.
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