#now i may not know when but i think i know why: depression 🥴

[thatone-churro]

not to be emo on main but i miss when my birthday meant something to me :/

[hurrl]

For the ship bingo, Kalani and Corbeau even tho I already know please feed my delusions 🕺

Oh Kalani and Corbeau 😌 KALANI AND CORBEAU 😫😫

No bingo, but I have to explain them in case anyone is interested 🤭

There's just something about them that scratches the brain nice and good. Maybe it's because they're a real classic, complicated slow burn. That's just bound to happen when someone like Corbeau is thrown into the mix, this is a person who truly truly truly see's humanity as the lowest life forms. I mean, they're livestock, they're profit, they're food. How can you get from a mindset like that to romance? Not with insta-love! No, it's a delicate process that takes time ⏰️ and a whole lot of patience.

Then you take his mindset and pair it with someone like Kalani, someone who loves people and loves to love despite whatever occurred in her past. She's a captive who is chatty! Not only for self-preservation reasons (trying to gain info/get on Corbeau's good side, ect.), but because she's just a talkative person! It's her nature! Besides, Corbeau is a guy who *is* accommodating to his captives, so why wouldn't she ask for a few extra things here and there?

Kalani is always so thankful 😌 they build a small back and forth, and after a few weeks, she starts getting more privileges. In a few months, she had whole house access! And wouldn't you know it the urge to kill her has dissipated 🥳 but that doesn't mean anything. He doesn't *love* her, but he doesn't want to let go of her either. It's a graduation from livestock to housepet 🙄. They're still trying to figure each other out- Kalani trying to understand why she's there and Corbeau trying to understand if Kalani's friendly behavior is genuine- I feel like they have a lot of meaningful conversations at this time.

A few more months pass, possibly even coming up on a year since Kalani was captured. There's still a healthy distance between the two, but these two have a routine with each other. They do housework together, they can make the other laugh, Corbeau will watch Kalani dance, they're housemates! Finally, Kalani asks why she is there, thinking it was because Corbeau was lonely in some way- maybe, could it be that he wanted someone to love 😳?- but when she learns the truth (girly-pop you were gonna be dinner), she retreats.

It gets really depressing for a bit 🥴 (the good shit 👌) the house becomes quiet without Kalani's chatter, without the tap tap tap of her practicing ballet in the next room, it's like living with a ghost. For the first time ever, Kalani does feel TRAPPED. She wants to leave and live her life- because obviously there's no shot at one with Corbeau- and Corbeau may or may not pick up some heavy drinking IDK 🤷‍♂️. I do know he has a lot of feelings in there that he needs to work out!

NOW THIS IS WHERE THE STORY CAN REALLY SPLIT OFF. But my personal favorite scenario is Kalani starts to seek Corbeau out for comfort because, although he is the source of her distress, he's also the only person she has. She is climbing into his bed and sobbing into him late at night. And I know that that tugs at that boy's heart in some way, and I know HE DOESN'T GET WHY 😭😭😭. In seaching for comfort she kisses him (😏 oh the scandal) That's when she really falls for him, and she decides if he wants to eat her, that would be okay 😗💅 So she asks if he will and he says NO 🙄 (cause if he eats her she'll be GONE) so she tries again and again trying to convince him that it's a good idea and that she *wants* to be eaten, explains that she loves him and so on.

The answer is still no 😌 AND WHY IS THAT CORBEAU, HUH?? 👁👁 USE YOUR BRAIN.

But Kalani's pushy about it, her kisses become more aggressive in the hopes that he'll just bite her, get a taste of her blood, and decide that eating her would be a good idea 🍽!

ITS SO GOOD!! I LOVE A DELUSIONAL WANTS TO BE EATEN KALANI AND I LOVE THAT CORBEAU DENIES HER THAT like wow okay man, evil 😒 cruel. You can't let her go, you want love her, you won't even eat her JUST END HER ALREADY-

More stuff transpires, but this post is getting LONG.

They're so good, rolling around in my brain like two marbles that occasionally clash. IF THEY WOULD JUST COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER-

But where's the fun in that 🤭 they gotta suffer a little before they can get to the good part and it's SO WORTH IT.

[destinyc1020]

I hope you know it's not good to body shame people like you're doing. Austin has always been skinny. He can't help that. I don't get why people keep talking about his weight. That's just rude and I thought you would be better than that.

Who's "body shaming" him Anon? 🥴

I'm not body-shaming Austin at all. I'm just pointing out a FACT. The man has lost a ton of weight in just a few short months. If anything I'm kind of worried for him. 😔

I could see if he were needing to lose weight for a role, but he doesn't even have anything coming up that requires him to lose this much weight.

Look, it's okay to be a fan, but to also at the same time be HONEST. There's nothing wrong with that imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Just a few months ago he was looking like this:

NOW... he's looking like THIS:

Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that he's lost some weight. He's not looking his healthiest. Yea, Austin has always been skinny (he can't help that) , but it's the fact that he's lost weight so fast that's concerning. 🥴 Most fans are just hoping that he's alright, that's all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I don't think that's "body shaming".

My guess is that he's been going through a lot.... I mean, Lisa Marie's death was only 2 months ago, and it may have hit him harder than expected for all we know. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It might have brought up some unresolved grief on his end for various reasons.

All I know is, most ppl don't just lose weight out of the blue for no good reason. Usually the person is going through smthg.... either heartache, depression, anxiety, stress, grief, or other personal things going on. 😔

Y'all have to keep in mind that even though Austin has been acting for almost two decades, he's NOT used to this level of fame. Some ppl can handle a sudden increase in fame without any issues.... And others.... Well, aren't as lucky.

Tom was fortunate that he at least had Zendaya to help him out and to keep him calm and level-headed when he thought he was gonna explode, but you have to remember that not everyone has that support system like that.

Anyway, I wasn't trying to body shame at all. If anything, I'm worried. 🥺

I just don't think fans need to act like they don't notice it. You can still be a fan and also notice things at the same time.

I just hope someone feeds him on his long break lol 😆 😅

He likes to cook anyway, so maybe he can finally just RELAX and chill out. 🥰

[ruminate88]

Darvo ? 🥴😝

I just had to learn this new word from The Bat Wolf on TikTok…

“Darvo” is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a manipulation tactic often used by individuals to deflect blame, deny responsibility, attack the accuser, and portray themselves as the victim in a situation where they may actually be the offender….

Grrr… This sucks. lol 😝 I already knew this. Not the word, I just know my exes blamed me for what they did. Andrew for one, after we’re broken up, he says “we can be friends” and I was in stupid trauma bond so I can’t leave. I stuck around hoping for some miracle that he actually diiiiid love me 🙄 (I wasn’t aware of what was happening) OKAY, so we’re having conversations as “friends”. He’s way more open with me now than he had been the whole relationship. I didn’t get why… We were talking about our “fears” and “worries”. I tell him finally I had been battling depression for years. He acts totally caught off guard and upset!! Says he “should’ve known that about me.” Well duh, you only dated me for over a year. Yes, you would’ve known had you actually paid me real attention outside your bed. 🫠 and I tell him I’ve always felt invisible and misunderstood which is 100% facts!! Apparently now, Andrew is “upset” and says he should’ve known and now he thinks that’s sooooo terrible of me to be depressed. Tells me I’m “too beautiful to be depressed” ANNNND he took a vulnerable conversation and turned it SEXUAL 😳 Suddenly he’s saying how beautiful I am to him and how he wants me and I know what he likes and I’ve always known what he likes… doesn’t want me to be depressed but suddenly wants me to be with him. I was in stupid trauma bond and had no self control, no awareness of his intentions and so I melted like butter in his arms. Grrrr!!!!

Okay so I’m mistaking the whole situation and I wonder is he trying to get back with me and what about the “other girl” ?? I ignore my gut instinct, I ignore the hard truth and I give in to temptation. The next day I’m torn like what’s gonna happen next, what does it all mean and does Andrew care about me… SUDDENLY, I received this big, loooooooooong, paragraph of a text message from him. He’s never typed so much in his life to me! He’s always gave me short responses but this time it was like a book!!! 😨 and in this book, he wants to know, “why did I flirt with him and get with him? What’s wrong with me, why would I do that!!???? Tells me how I know we’re broken up and I don’t respect our friendship…. “ basically treating me like a slut and making me feel bad for what HE STARTED!!! He tells me I made him “weak” and purposely made him “want me” that it’s alllll my fault he had no self control and I made him do something he wasn’t supposed to do. 😓😓😓😓

Is that not Darvo???? I mean, I knew nothing back then about manipulators but I wasn’t born yesterday either. My jaw was dropped and sure I felt sad and ashamed cuz I thought it meant something when clearly he was just messing with my head and playing games… I exclaimed to him “it takes two” and no he’s not gonna blame me only, he also has to wear it. Also, he took a sensitive and tough conversation about my mental health and turned it into something nasty. He used my feelings and emotions for his own benefit. Yeah, it didn’t stop there. For two weeks straight we continued to get with each other but fight the whole time. It was both amazing and terrible. He purposely was making it “good” so I would want more of him but also treating me like complete crap because it’s easier to get what he wants from me if I’m too upset and sad to go against him. Plus, I truly believed I cared about him and whatever he was going through.

I just can’t wrap my head around “darvo” it’s so evil and hurtful. I continued to show up for him even while he’s spitting on my name. His loss though ✌🏻

[ruminate88]

It’s painful and traumatic but you can get to a more positive mindset and you can heal from emotional abuse ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I went through a lot of emotional abuse in my 20s. I dated two emotionally unavailable men back to back. I loved them as hard and as deep as I could and the first one Cody, ghosted me and the second one Andrew, wouldn’t break up with me but was a robot when I broke up with him. He was emotionless. (That’s manipulation but I didn’t know that back then! 🥺 I knew nothing about emotional abuse!)

For a season after that I was so cold, anxious, suicidal and very depressed. With a lot of prayers to God for help and love from family, I got through it. I just didn’t understand what happened to me. I met my husband directly after and married him in less than 2 years!! I did have a bit of a guard up with him and would easily get defensive towards him and so upset at times. (I just didnt know why) I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, Andrew no matter how I tried even though I was married to someone else. 🥴 I had never heard of trauma bond before!! It got even worse during covid I missed Andrew so much causing me to really feel like terrible wife!

Years later I learn what emotional abuse is and I began to put pieces together from my past!! I now know what happened to me and suddenly I felt so angry and victimized. I was on a journey for over a year restling with so many uncomfortable feelings and with cognitive dissonance, struggled to make a sound opinion of my recent ex Andrew. I was so angry with him but I also still felt attached to him. I could not let him go! He was on my mind 24-7 and it was hurting me so much.

Just over this past weekend I prayed so hard to make sense and while I may not gain a straight forward prospective of my ex,(I can’t understand why he thinks the way he does and it’s not his fault) I know my ex deserves forgiveness regardless and it helps me too. I don’t want to be cold and afraid to trust anyone new because of my exes!!

I would say experiencing all I did with my exes made me aware of how some people can behave and treat you and now you can detect and be more cautious of who you get close to but keeping a guard up only keeps your heart closed off from human connections and love! I can’t live without love and people. I had enough isolation already with my exes just need to take back the love and empathy my exes tried to steal from me! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I don’t think I’ll ever truly know the whole truth from my exes, I probably won’t get real apologies from them (although I believe anything in this world is possible with praying) I won’t give up on myself or my exes. I’ll continue to hope the best for them and my own life. I probably won’t ever let them close to me the way I did before but I would love to make our past mistakes right!!!!

Has this helped you? Follow me for more ❤️‍🩹 It’s taken me many years to be in this more positive place! I hope you’re all healing daily 🙏🏻 Stay well and have a healthy 2024!

“Trauma permanently changes us. This is the frightening truth about betrayal. You never really get over it. At best, you grieve and make some kind of peace with it. But a major life disruption leaves a new normal behind. There’s no going back to who you were before.”

— Unknown

[destinyc1020]

Why would he have needed to buy a house in la though. Like if he kept his place in London and was gonna split his time between home and la with z then why would he buy another place instead of just moving in with her why spend money on a place when he would have been at zs house all the time anyway

I mean, it's true that he could have just shacked up with Z at her place lol. But I would kinda hope that at some point he would want to have his own place in LA, cuz what if they broke up?

Personally? I don't advise ANYONE to be uprooting everything and moving to a new country or even a new state just for love ONLY unless you two are either engaged or about to be.  I’ve heard of way too many horror stories lol. 🥴

If you were already planning on moving to that country because you love it, or need to move there for work then obviously that's different! Otherwise, if you’re just moving JUST because of another person, if you two break up, you will be all alone in a new country, you might get depressed, etc. I mean, it's a huge decision.

With that said, I do think that Tom could have just decided to stay his off times in LA with Z. But you also have to remember that their schedules are super busy too. They aren't ordinary ppl with ordinary jobs. I can now understand why some celebrities have a hard time dating because their schedules are so busy, or they are busy traveling, etc.

The crazy thing about this pandemic is that it has sort of put a damper on a lot of traveling or even filming, comic-cons, out-of-state red carpet premieres, traveling to various countries for press tours etc, so maybe they won't be traveling AS much as they were maybe back in the day. Idk! 🤷🏾‍♀️

Covid is def not getting any better anytime soon, and they may start putting even MORE restrictions on stuff, esp after this holiday season. 🥴

But yea, overall I agree with you that they could have done a "trial run" of him just spending a month or two in LA, and then spend time in London.... Just know that Z still works in LA (so what would he be doing then?) and at certain times (in the past at least) she was traveling for filming, press, even for fashion and ad promotion (ie. TommyxZ, Lancôme, etc).

I'll be honest, it's tough to have a relationship in the industry when BOTH work so hard. 😔 Tbh, Tom & Z could decide that with their current work schedules and the distance thing it might be best if they just remain just friends... regardless of how they may feel about each other. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I mean, that would be smthg only they would have to decide.