#now i just gotta get over my fear of being CRINGE (rigorous)

[liliotl]

Let a huge daddy long leg touch my hand today for 1 millisecond, I feel proud of myself hehehe

I'm hoping to hold a daddy long leg by the end of this year at least... getting closer to getting over my phobia... it comes from my ocd so its completley random and irrational, but im getting there slowly.. I'm happy with this progress.. two years ago, I couldn't even let a tiny spider touch me or anything I own without throwing away anything they touched and washing my hands till my skin came off so this is a huge step for me ❤️

Also completely over my fear of harvestmen spiders!!! Yay! I know they look similar to daddy long legs l, but my brain hyper focuses on the very specific shape of daddy long legs, I'm the most afraid of them because of my brain associating them with the worst times of my ocd I guess.

Be proud of me please...

Harvestman and spitter spider pics below

Also fun facts harvestmen spiders arnt even actually spiders and spitter spiders can produce web through they mouth and abdomen

[worthyofluv]

Redefining What it Means to be a Strong Woman

I used to cringe when someone would tell me that I was a strong black woman. It literally made me sick to feel like the world mostly only saw me as strong, when deep down I knew I was more than that. And to be honest, I didn’t feel strong, I felt weak, and what I needed most was to be seen, heard, understood and felt as opposed to being told to persevere through any and everything. I had been strong long enough and I was tired. Tired of pushing myself beyond my limits, tired of walking out into the world with a mask, tired of abusive relationships, just fucking tired. I was so over life that I contemplated death many times. “Who would care?” “Do I even matter?” are the questions that would cross my mind. Being strong was killing me, literally. 

What I Observed From Working With White Women

In most of my roles, I was usually “the only one” or one out of a few WOC. While working at one particular job (that shall remain unnamed) I noticed that the women carried themselves with a certain kind of ease that I personally had to give myself permission to access. These white women danced so effortlessly in their femininity as if they had their own personal choreographer. It was thought provoking.

Being raised by resilient black queens, naturally, I embody strength, but I had never been taught to embody softness. Too many of us were raised in broken households and had front row seats to the single mother struggle, so we go out into the world with all this fire, but no awareness on how to put it out sometimes. We develop a rigorous work ethic, get into relationships where we want to be the boss and try to be everything for everyone and wonder why we’re so burned out. I am grateful for the resilience that has been passed down in my DNA, but what I learned on my journey is that being strong all the time isn’t my true nature, it’s actually counterintuitive to my true nature. So, it makes perfect sense that life was overwhelming for me, because I wasn’t in alignment with my inner being.

At first glance, it appeared that these women were privileged to be able to live a life true to their womanhood, knowing that they’d always be safe and protected. But then, I realized that I too had access to this way of being and that it is my birthright to be everything that I am meant to be. I learned that I can reclaim my power back by reframing my beliefs around a situation, or finding the better feeling thought; the thought that is most in alignment with my true self.

Intimate Relationships

I saw a post on Instagram that said something along the lines of “Being a martyr is not synonymous with being loyal. Abuse, disrespect and neglect are not prerequisites for a relationship and that as women, we need to dead the idea that we have to go through hell and back to be worthy of love.”

And that’s all I gotta say about that.

What Does it Mean to be a Strong Woman?

In my personal journey, I had to get to know every part of myself, every part of what makes me who I am (and I’m still learning.) I believe that we are multidimensional beings with multiple egos; multiple identities. But during our conditioning, we somehow adapt to what we are told we should become, and we lose sight of our inner child. That part of us that knows no limits, that wants to be an artist, a dancer, a police officer and a chef all in the same day. We forget how to play; we get serious and we conform to a life that many don’t even realize they have conformed to until they have a midlife crisis. Without a strong foundation of self, we become a reflection of what society tells us to be. In a world that is constantly trying to tell you how to live your life, true strength is taking the time to get to know yourself and existing as your fullest expression of self. Furthermore, strength isn’t always about doing or executing. Sometimes there is strength in taking a step back, pausing, or just chilling the fuck out.

Some examples of strength might include:

Your manager telling you “you’re just not the right fit,” and your ability to walk out of her office without reacting and simultaneously telling yourself “she’s wrong, I AM qualified and capable, but it wasn’t my blessing.”

Allowing yourself to rest when tired

Allowing yourself to do the bare minimum when you just can’t that day

Taking a day off to do nothing

Surrendering

Giving yourself permission to play

Asking for what you want/need

Shutting down the Christian mother of the guy who you hooked up with when she tried to slut shame you. I can be both a Queen and sexually liberated. It’s my body and I have autonomy over how I use it.

Walking away from an unhealthy relationship even though you love that person

Crying

Seeking therapy

Giving yourself permission to feel the feels

Feeling hurt, but operating from a place of integrity

Not knowing the answer and being ok with not knowing the answer

Forgiving others

Forgiving your self

Apologizing

Speaking your truth

Listening

Protecting your energy

Saying “damn, I fucked up. What could I have done differently in that situation”?

Immediately blocking a guy who asks you for your IG, and his first comment is “wow, you lost allot of weight” ….by your standards, I may not be fat anymore, but lemme tell you what is phat. Lol. Your loss asshole.

Saying “actually, I like my body the way it is”

Saying “I disagree”

Saying “you were right”

Saying “I need help”

Saying “I need you”

Prioritizing your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellbeing above all, even if that means losing people, places and things in the process of becoming your greatest version

I am learning not to fear my emotions but instead, be with them, observe and allow them to pass like the clouds in the sky. Knowing that they will always pass and that good feelings are always available to me, I am able to ride the waves with grace.

-Divine

My Interpretation of What a Strong Woman is

To me, strength is like the glue that holds all the other myriad of qualities that make up my being together. Yes, I am strong at the core, but I can also be vulnerable, soft, emotional, empathic, nurturing, silly, intuitive, insecure, eloquent, afraid, passionate, sad, angry, anxious, a bitch, depressed, sensual, sexual, introverted, intelligent, and kind. Now i understand that when people would tell me I was strong, they were acknowledging something in me that I wasn’t completely aware of. It wasn’t a bad thing at all, but I knew there was more to me than what met the eye.  It was on me, however, to explore the layers of who I am. And it will continue to be on me to walk my path as my most authentic self. Being strong to me means standing in the truth of your whole entire self, not just one aspect of yourself. It’s giving yourself the gift of self-exploration so that you can become self-aware. It is knowing who the fuck you are but still allowing room for growth. I am not the same person I was a year ago and I will certainly be a different person five years from now. If the seasons of nature are constantly in flux, why wouldn’t that also be the case for our evolution? We were not created to be just one thing, we were created to be everything our heart desires and more.

So, the next time someone tells me how strong I am, I will smile and thank them. There’s no need to internalize what someone else thinks of me, because the perception that I have of myself is greater than the perception that anyone has of me. Yes, I am strong, but I am so much more than that.

-Divine