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shizucheese · 11 months ago

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Hey guys! It me, "The Magnus Institute is a part of not just the Eye but the Web" girl, here with some thoughts and a new theory for the consideration of the Red String Comity. Come step into a curated (for your safety and sanity) corner of my mind as I walk you through my thought process: First, some further evidence that the Web was tied to the Magnus Institute in TMA all along: in MAG193, it's mentioned that Elias doesn't remember ever sending his CV to the Magnus Institute. Web. In Mag056, when Martin confesses he lied on his CV, he mentions that "for some reason" his lie about parapsychology got him an interview with Elias. Now, I always assumed that this was because Elias/ Jonah knew his secret and the Eye likes secrets, but like...How did Martin know to apply there in the first place? Why was that the only place where he got an interview?

Now I'd like to bring your attention to the below sticker. I have this same sticker on my laptop because as someone on the Ace spectrum John and Martin's relationship is everything to me. For anyone who needs a refresher, the quote is something John says to Martin in S5. Obviously the teacup represents Martin. But let's talk about that thing coming out of the teacup, hm? The thing that's supposed to represent John? I've always tried to rationalize it as "lol it's just some kind if Eye creature, that's not a spider..." but guys....that's totally a spider, right?

Now here's why this is so huge: this isn't fanart someone turned into a sticker. This is a sticker from Rusty Quill's very own RedBubble shop.

It's official merch. Official merch "designed and sold by RustyQuill" represents John as a spider creature covered in eyes.

They've been telling us this the entire time guys! Now, I need to give @amanda-519 credit for setting my mind down this next path. These are the tags they used when they reblogged my previous post on this topic:

Now, this got me thinking about all of the Avatars we met in TMA and like....

We know from Mag 102 that the Corruption can manifest as unhealthy relationships, which I would argue would include infatuation and obsession.

And like....was Jude's infatuation with Agnes really all that different? It's what drew her into The Desolation in the first place, so could we not argue that she was a mix of the Desolation and the Corruption? (Like....the destructiveness of infatuation? Corruption leading to Desolation?) And like I've always assumed the reason why Oliver became an Avatar of the End is because of his association with Graham and what happened to him resulting in Oliver being touched by The End, but like...does that actually make sense? They were already broken up and he had 0 involvement with Graham being taken by the Not Them. But like Graham's circumstances are also kinda weblike, no? The Web includes the fear of being forced to do something against one's own will, and Graham went through some pretty extreme measures to try and escape his powers. And then his efforts to escape ultimately lead to the events that turned him into a full fledged Avatar. Was Graham also a part of the web? Or were the circumstances of him becoming an Avatar of the End basically the result of him being the Web's victim?

And the whole concept of the Unknowing is pretty weird, huh? Like...I can't be the only one that looks at what happens to people who get trapped in the Unknowing and thinks that it feels awfully "Spiral-like" right? (or, for that matter, that The Desolation has some elements of the Stranger to it).

John Amherst was an Avatar of The Corruption, but unlike Jane, whose main interest seemed to be spreading and expanding the Flesh Hive, Amherst's form of Corruption seemed awfully End-flavored. When we first meet him in TMA, it's at a Nursing home where his spread of infection results in the death of all of the residents. In Mag68, Tale of a Field Hospital, the accounts about Amherst are all about him dying and then showing up again; in the second story, the people who end up in the bed Amherst is supposed to be in keep dying; the statement giver who gave the book to the Institute dies a few days later after, having cut himself on the pages of the book. The illness he spreads in the town where he ultimately dies kills the victims horrifically. The bug he is most affiliated with are flies, which are known to flock to dead bodies and are therefore associated with death. Okay now after all of that word vomit, here's the epiphany that I had and the actual point of this post:

For some reason my mind kept straying back to Jude and her infatuation with Agnes and how that might have made her part of the Corruption, and the different ways the Corruption might have been involved in other ways, and then I remembered that theory going around that in TMP the Fears are becoming Obsessions. This theory never sat well with me because in TMA, all of the Avatars were obsessed with something. Most of them were obsessed with their Entity and bringing it into the world. Jude, as previously mentioned, was obsessed with Agnes. Simon was obsessed with the sky. Mike was obsessed with freeing himself of the Spiral manifestation that'd been tormenting him since childhood. Oliver was obsessed with running away from his powers and John was obsessed with finding out what the fuck was going on. There were also plenty of non-avatar characters that were obsessed; The guy in Mag90: Body Builder was obsessed with his body and making it look how he wanted to. The guy from Mag102 Nesting Instinct and his petite scarabée. I could go on.

And then it clicked: Obsession is a form of Corruption. We know that the Corruption can manifest as unhealthy love and companionship. But what is "unhealthy love" if not a form of obsession? Obsession sinks its teeth into you and takes over your life and can lead you to your own destruction. In other words, its corrupts you. Which is exactly what happens in pretty much all of the statements we've gotten so far in TMP. The Corruption is up to something. Idk what or why, but I think that in the same way the Web's influence was all over TMA if you know to look for it, the Corruption is all over TMP. Is it just a season 1 thing? Is it going to be the Big Player in the whole series? Are the Avatars (?) we've encountered so far--Ink5oul, The Merchant, Movie Theater Man-- part of the Corruption as well as the more obvious Entities they serve-- The Flesh, The End/ The Slaughter, The Eye--or are they only servants of those respective Entities and the Corruption is swooping in later and poisoning things?

#the magnus protocol #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol speculation #tmp #tmp spoilers #tmp speculation #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #tmagp speculation #tmagp theory #tma spoilers #magnus archives spoilers #shizu's red string board

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bell-arina271 · 11 months ago

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1/25/2024: Update and Yearly Goals

Hello everyone! First of all, I am SO sorry to everyone who was following me and waiting on updates for the project. I was completely wiped and had a bad turn for my mental health.

HOWEVER the fundraising idea I had in mind is still on track! It’s just taking longer for me to learn everything I need to get this off the ground. A lot of it has been learning new stuff, so it’s taken longer than I anticipated. I was planning to start mid January, but now it looks more like I’ll be launching in February. Hopefully in the first week.

Just so you’re not in suspense, here’s the idea:

I want to create a “logo” for this campaign. Nothing too fancy, but something that symbolizes artistic creativity, and will represent supporting Artist Communities. Then I’ll put it on Redbubble and sell stickers, pins, notebooks, and little things people can buy so that they can openly support the cause while “donating” to the start of it. I work full time, so all my living expenses are already paid for. The profits would go straight to funding the project.

The reason it’s taking so long is because I wanted to have other designs too, in case people don’t like the logo for whatever reason (I’m not a graphic designer, so admittedly, it’s probably not gonna be great lol) so I could give them options. Also, I wanted to open up my sister’s Redbubble first. She has Downs Syndrome and is medium functioning, so she doesn’t understand how to set everything up in the shop. She is on disability and already has housing, but I figured having a little extra income for the fun stuff she wants would be good lol I wanted to make sure she was set before focusing on myself.

Anyway, my initial idea is to still take older multi-tenant places and update them with pure function in mind, not luxury. That way I can keep rent very low. Basically just charging for utility, property taxes, and pay off renovations. Which, split between multiple people should be more than reasonable.

If for some reason that doesn’t seem viable, I’ll take someone’s suggestion of buying land and just bringing up manufactured homes to make a little community. Either way this WILL happen, it just might take me a little longer to figure out how.

I’m still talking to other professionals to see how to do all the technical stuff, but after that I should be able to take charge and start getting things under way.

Unfortunately, it… may take another year after all, because my mom just had a bad turn for her health. Bad enough that she had to quit her job. So now I’m taking over mortgage payments for the house so we’ll be set while she gets the tests and treatment. Before anyone panics, she’s not in the hospital or anything, just having issues with her vision and a few other things. She plans to “rest” for two months while we fix her up, and then get an easier job that’s not so physically demanding. Thankfully she had to quit due to medical reasons, so (I think) she’s still covered from her job insurance lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Hopefully my next post will be the grand opening of the Redbubble! :D

Also if any of you are Christian PLEASE pray that I will find time to relax. Things keep popping up triggering my anxiety and making it hard to get good sleep and breaks OTL

#art #artists on tumblr #affordable housing

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michellemisfit · 2 years ago

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TAG GAME: FANDOM EDITION

Tagged by the wonderful @energievie, thank you my love!

Your Name: Michelle (Mys for short)

Your Age: Just turned 38 🤟

Your First Fandom(s): Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Your Current Fandom(s): Shameless is my current active fandom, but like, you never really leave a fandom, you just get distracted by a new shiny thing. There’s still Merlin (2008) and Shadowhunters (2015) fic open on my phone right this minute. And I go back and read some of my favourite fic from much older fandoms on a semi regular basis. I have hundreds of them saved in word. Because if you love something… don’t let it go! Save the ever-loving shit out of it and keep it on your current laptop as well as on multiple external hard drives for back up!!

How did you first get into fandom? I was looking for someone to talk to, and that wasn’t going to happen in real life. So instead I found myself on a German Buffy Forum, which led me to discover fandom, online friends, and fanfic… all of which changed my life forever.

How long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? Probably since 1998? It was during Buffy Season 1, but when it aired on German TV, so 98/99 sounds about right. I DEFINITELY lied to the ‘are you over 18?’ ticky boxes!!

How often do you read fanfics? Daily. I used to be that kid that would walk to and from school with her nose in a book. Now I’m that adult that walks to and from school reading fanfic on her phone.

Top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Mickey Milkovich. Ian Gallagher. Lip Gallagher.

Have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! I have. I’m not primarily a writer, but about once a year I get the urge. Here’s my AO3. Also, if you search very hard you may be able to find some German Buffy/Spike fic out there somewhere, from when I was a child, proof read by my mother, whose main comment was ‘Oh my. You could have a career in erotica…’ (They barely kissed! Sheesh!)

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Yep. Back in the day I did the full range: Drawings, Icons. Wallpapers. Manips. Fic Banners. Fic Awards. Now I mostly stick with traditional art, and then once a year pumpkins haha Some of my recent stuff is on AO3. You can also find a lot of my art on my RedBubble Page or my Instagram.

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: For Shameless? The Gallaghers visited Ian and Mickey in prison. Yes, they are busy, but they love their brother, and by extension they love the person their brother loves! And there is loads of them!! If they visited on rotation, it would only really “cost” them one day a month each. Not a hardship, is it? Also, Lip went more often than everyone else. Send tweet.

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? Depends a little bit on the friend and on what aspect of a show I feel they’d vibe with best. 01x03 Aunt Ginger is a pretty good one. It’s got the full family working together to solve a problem. And it introduces Mandy and the itty bitty murder floof, which is a great bonus!!

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? Absolutely everything. You know Penny Lane’s speech in Almost Famous? “If you never take it seriosuly, you never get hurt, you never get hurt, you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.”? I followed bands around for about half a decade, and that, and Oasis’ “Please don’t put your life in the hands, of a rock and roll band, who'll throw it all away” were things I tried to live by. But fandom doesn’t work that way. Fandom is all about emotionally investing. Caring too much is basically a requirement. And what makes it safe is the fact that we are all in this together. <3

My word that was fun!

Tagging @malec-crazed-author, @ohfreckle, @rutherinahobbit, @deedala, @rereadanon, @toughpaperround, @teawithjelly, @faejilly, @industrious-ian, @orca122, @poemsfromthealley, @allmyfantasiesarethirdperson, @darknutmeg, @glorious-spoon, @hellofavillain, @howlinchickhowl, @katspace, @lynne-monstr, @captainjowl, @crossmydna, @vintagelacerosette, @beatperfume, @nanf1c

#tag game #fandom #Mys stuff #ask Mys #fandom is for life not just for Christmas

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magknightidv · 2 years ago

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Could u please do handsome jack x reader who is sick,I got covid and I could really use some comfort 🙏(also I really love the way you write your fanfics!😊)

OMG I really hope you're okay! I'll write this before my other request because I actually had a couple of quick ideas for it. (Yes I will be finishing one of my other requests very soon I swear)

Borderlands Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

Handsome Jack x sick! Gn! Reader

Pairing: Handsome Jack x reader

Reader pronouns used: They/them/theirs

Warnings: None that you wouldn't expect with a borderlands fic

Summary: Jack's trying ok?

Let's be completely honest

He has a very vague idea of what to do

Like very vague

He knows he probably should be there for you but he's worried he'd mess up

I feel he's honestly really insecure behind the whole CEO/hero facade.

So he believes that him being there will f*ck things up

He does however hire the best healthcare for you

He has bots doing everything you could ever need and always making sure you're comfortable

However when he inevitably comes back to you, he's by yours side apologising for staying away

He wants to be near you I swear

He's just worried of messing up really bad

OK, and maybe he doesn't want to get ill

He's really careful and cautious with every movement you make

He's a great cook

Don't ask me why I believe this, I just do

Take my word for it

He shoos away the bots he had looking after you and decides that the evening will be his turn at being a good partner to his partner

Cleans both of your living areas

Makes food for the both of you

Feeds any pets you may or may not have

Turns on the tv and prepares a little cuddle corner kind of area for you

Has a very small nap halfway through this

Drags you to the cuddle corner and makes sure you're comfortable

Goes back to the bedroom to finish off a small, minor amount of work

Gets changed

And so, the movie/show marathon of your favourite begins

Even if its the most horrible thing he has to do, he'll do it

He is a self centered, narcissistic, douchebag to everyone else

but for you, he'd give the entire world and so much more just to make you feel safe and comfortable

This applies so much more if you set this as post-Angel

Yeah sorry about that last comment, that hurt me to write

I love Angel

That's not the point of this though!

If you fall asleep halfway through, he'll carry you back to bed and makes sure you're fine

Once he's completely sure you're ok he'll allow himself to drift off to sleep

Surprisingly he forgot all about making himself sick sometime through the marathon..

He'll probably have ended up catching it a few days later and you'll have to care for him

Poor dude

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Sorry its short, I just wanted to get these out there so everyone knew I was still active.

I normally do requests in order but i saw this and couldn't resist writing something quick for it. I am still working on all of my requests but life is slowing me down

Now if anyone would like to help support me, you could maybe visit my redbubble! It would really help me feel motivated if anyone bought from it, thank you!!

Oh and my lovely anonymous friend, I hope you are ok and hope this was something that you would enjoy :)

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #borderlands 2 #x reader #handsome jack borderlands #handsome jack x reader #handsome jack #just adding so please ignore all the random characters #rhys strongfork #bl3 #bl3 tyreen #bl2 zer0 #Zer0 #maya the siren #mad moxxi #rhys the company man

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highqueenofelfhame · 3 years ago

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rowaelin month day ten

rowaelin month day ten -- single parents. masterlist // buy me a ko-fi // redbubble

The morning truly couldn’t have been going worse. Aelin had woken up to the nanny telling her she’d come down with the stomach flu. Aelin wasn’t cruel enough to tell the poor girl she had to work through it; instead encouraging her to drink as much water as she could and get some much-needed rest. Evangeline had apologized profusely, but Aelin was having none of it. She reassured her that she could figure it out.

It turned out she couldn’t. Her mother and father both worked sixty hours a week. Aelin knew that her mother would take a day if Aelin called, but she couldn’t bring herself to make the call and disrupt her week. Evie’s father had died in a car crash before she was even born. Everyone who was a viable option worked full-time jobs, leaving her three-year-old in her hands. She could call out, but she had a mountain of a workload that she’d left last night, reassuring herself she would get it done today. Everything she needed was at her office, so working from home was out of the question. All signs were pointing to an impromptu “bring your child to work” day.

The CEO of the company was a good friend of hers, and Aelin knew that Dorian wouldn’t mind seeing his goddaughter toddling around the office. In fact, she knew that he would eventually steal her away for a snack time at some point so Aelin could get some work done. It would likely be a snack that wasn’t mommy approved, but she would give him a free pass today.

It would be okay, she reassured herself as she struggled to get Evie to cooperate with getting her tiny arms through her yellow long-sleeved shirt. She was mumbling in an indecipherable language as Aelin nodded along, chiming in here and there like she understood every word. The reality was that she only understood a handful of words. One of them was juice, so Aelin made a mental note to make her a full cup of juice for the car ride to the office to keep her happy.

It didn’t take long to brush her hair into the tiniest pigtails to exist, with two little orange bows holding them in place. By the time she was fully dressed in her fall garb, complete with a tiny gray vest so cute that Aelin wanted to cry, she looked like a baby Gap model. Without a doubt, everyone at the office would be cooing over how precious she looked the second they walked through the door.

“Where going?” Evie inquired, her little head tilting to the side as Aelin packed her go-bag full of snacks and an outfit change just in case.

“Momma’s gotta go to work today, baby. You get to come, too. Do you want to see Uncle Dorian?” At the mention of Dorian, Evie’s eyes lit up as a broad smile pushed her chubby cheeks up until her eyes squinted closed. Aelin grinned and kissed her cheeks until she giggled wildly. Thank the gods that Evie was in a good mood today. Some mornings she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, fussy as all get out while Aelin tried to push along their morning. Thankfully today, she was full of smiles and giggles. It would make everything much easier if she cooperated.

After grabbing a sippy cup full of apple juice and shoving the bottle in her bag, making yet another note to put it in the fridge in the break room when she arrived at the office, she swooped Evie into her arms, and they were on their way.

Upon arriving at the office, Aelin was right. The two receptionists immediately fell in love with Evie’s tiny pigtails and her outfit. They cooed over her bright eyes, twins to Aelin’s own. It took longer than usual to make it to the elevator, where even several men commented on how adorable she was. It brought a smile to her face, but it dropped when she thought of her office neighbor.

Rowan Whitethorn was the hardass of the office. She was pretty positive that he hated her, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind. They spent their days arguing back and forth about anything and everything. Some days she was sure that he only did it to get a rise out of her.

Aelin had never seen him smile-- he only scowled. His assistant was constantly rushing around, losing his damn mind trying to meet all of Rowan’s demands in a day. More than once, she’d caught tidbits of his conversations with Aelin’s own assistant, the poor boy begging to swap just for a single day. Aelin could only imagine what Rowan would say about Evie being such a workplace distraction. She was positive there would be complaints about her squeals and giggles that he would hear through the wall.

There was truly nothing she could do, though. Too much needed to be done at work to take a personal day, and Evie was typically well behaved enough to be occupied until her mom got off work and could pick her up.

As she made her way down the hall, everyone oohed and ahhed over Evie. Aelin thanked everyone for their compliments, her heart spilling over with joy. Until she saw Rowan in the kitchen while she put away the juice. He was making coffee and, upon noticing Evie in her arms, an emotion she couldn’t quite place flickered over his face.

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” he said, eyes going from her pigtails down to the boots on her tiny feet.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” She closed the fridge door and left the kitchen, gone as quickly as she had come. When she arrived in her office, she shut the door and put Evie down, watching as she ran straight for the couch and flopped over the side with a giggle bubbling out of her lips.

The single mother took a few minutes to take Evie’s toys out of her bag, even laying a few puffy snacks out on the table for her to snack on while she played. She went straight for them as quickly as Aelin sprinkled them out of the container. Aelin chuckled as she watched her for a moment, hands on her hips while she decided she was okay to sit at her desk and begin her work.

Evie was surprisingly self-sufficient while Aelin started her daily tasks. She played with the toys her mother provided and munched on her treats. Aelin heard a lot of babbling and a slew of giggles, a loud squeal pulling her from her work as her door opened.

Dorian leaned in the doorway, giving her a running start until he followed, darting across the room to scoop Evie into his arms. He spun her in circles with her legs flying behind her. She was laughing in a way that she only did with Dorian. Aelin seldom got that sound to come out of her daughter, but somehow, she wouldn’t change it for anything.

“I heard tales of a little princess fighting dragons in my office,” he said to no one in particular, but Evie seemed to understand that she was the princess. If there was anything that she liked in this world, it was being called a princess. She understood that word more than anything because Aelin read her fairy tales of princesses every night. Tangled was constantly on their TV, only to be replaced by Beauty and the Beast. They utterly enchanted her, and everyone in her life was constantly calling her a princess. She loved it.

The giggling continued while he tickled her sides and blew raspberries on her belly until the shrieking got so intense he made a face at Aelin and merely brought her into a tight hug as he said, “Sorry. Nanny out today?”

“She’s got a stomach bug. I had no other options; I’m really sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You know I love any chance I get to see her. I’m not going to penalize you for being a mother, Aelin.” Evie was chomping her teeth near Dorian’s face, causing her best friend to laugh and hold her at arm’s length. “I’ll even take her across the hall for a bit so you can get more done.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” she replied, sighing and leaning back in her seat. Aelin really did have so much to do, to the point that she couldn’t even bring herself to tell him he didn’t have to do that. She would take whatever help she could get.

Her door was left open as he took Evie out into the hall, Aelin noticing that they weren’t going in the direction of his office but rather toward the kitchen. Her eyes rolled as she swiveled in her chair to face her computer and really dive into her work, leaning forward and exhaling a deep breath, willing herself to focus.

Quite a bit of time passed, and she was able to get a considerable amount of work completed. All of her emails had been caught up when Dorian edged into her office and cleared his throat. Aelin looked up, half expecting Evie’s outfit to be ruined by chocolate, but her little ray of sunshine was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is she?”

“I… may have taken a phone call and looked away for two minutes, and she vanished.”

“What?” Aelin was on her feet in an instant, rushing across her office and out into the hall. “What the fuck do you mean? How long has it been?”

“Since I lost her and started looking for her? Half an hour. I was scared to tell you.”

“My daughter has been missing for half an hour, and you’re only just now telling me? What the fuck, Dorian?” She hit his chest rather abrasively as she shoved past him, eyes scanning every room while she ran down the hall. How she was able to do it without toppling over in her heels, she wasn’t sure. All she could feel was the panic from her heart pounding in her chest to the shaking of her hands. The roaring in her ears made everything else sound muffled and distant, like she was standing at the edge of white water rapids. Even with her hands in fists so tight she could feel them shake, nausea building up in her chest.

“Evie?” She called out, a tremor rising in her throat that caused her voice to sound shaky and weak. Tears were pricking in her ears as she turned to run back to her office. She would call down to security to see if they could scan the cameras, and call reception to see if anyone had carried her out. From there, she would--

Her heart stopped beating when she glanced into Rowan’s office. It was the office directly next to hers, and behind his desk, Rowan held a snoozing Evie. Her little fist was gripping the lapels of his suit jacket, and he seemed relaxed while he flipped through papers with one hand.

“What are you doing with my daughter?” Aelin asked, stepping into the door. A few tears of relief slipped down her cheeks, and she was quick to wipe them, lest he make an asshole comment about it.

“I told that little shit to let you know I had her,” he murmured, barely glancing up from his papers. “I think that’s the final straw. He genuinely can’t do the most basic of tasks, I--”

Rowan paused when he looked up from his work. Something soft flashed in his eyes for a split second before he continued, “She was laying on the couch by the kitchen when I found her. She babbled something about Dorian, I think, and when I looked in his office, he was on the phone arguing with someone. You looked busy, and I know you have a lot to do, and when I picked her up, she let out the biggest yawn I’ve ever seen. By the time I’d walked back to my office, she was asleep. I told my assistant to let you know. I’m sorry that he didn’t, and I’m sorry that I didn’t follow up with an e-mail or a phone call. You just seem like you could use the help so you could get work done. I’m sorry.”

Not only was it the most that Rowan had ever said to her in a single conversation, but it was the kindest she’d seen him be to anyone. He wasn’t complaining about the little bit of drool coming out of the side of Evie’s mouth and soaking into his jacket. He was just holding her like he was so at ease with the situation and truly didn’t mind.

“You don’t wear a ring, and I’ve never heard you mention a significant other. Divorced?”

“Widowed,” she replied, sitting in one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. Again, his face softened as he looked down at Evie.

“She looks just like you. She’s beautiful.” Ignoring the implications of that comment, Aelin smiled softly.

“Thank you. She is… everything to me.”

“I… I have a daughter, too. Briar. My wife died two years after we were married. Briar is six now, but Evie is… so much less temperamental than B was.” Aelin tried not to let the shock show on her face. Shock that Rowan Whitethorn was a father and shock that they shared a sad history. The curiosity to ask how she had died was strong, but she wouldn’t ask. Sometimes she hated it when people asked how Sam died. It was like opening a wound all over again.

“Oh, she has her days. Don’t let this fool you,” she laughed, dragging her fingers through her hair. “I didn’t know you had a daughter, either.”

Rowan flipped his computer screen so she could see it, and she was welcomed by a smiling little girl with stunning green eyes and brown ringlet curls. Her heart squeezed at the image, Rowan holding her in his lap and grinning so wide he had dimples. Rowan Whitethorn had dimples.

“She’s absolutely adorable.”

“She is.” Aelin smiled again, looking down at her hands and twisting the ring on her left finger that her parents had given her when Evie was born. It was her birthstone.

“You can keep working if you want to. I’ve got her.”

“She’s not bothering you?” There was hesitation evident in her voice as Rowan looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms. He smiled, brushing a few wild strands of hair back against her head.

“Nope,” he said firmly, looking back at Aelin. “Really. You must have a lot to do if you didn’t just call in a personal day. She’s sleeping. It’s okay. I’ll bring her back when she wakes up.”

“I-- okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m positive.” Aelin chewed on her fingernail for a moment before she nodded and stood, walking across his office and toward her own. Aelin paused in the door, looking over her shoulder at the man with such a harsh reputation around the workplace. This man seemed entirely different, a man that was brushing his thumb against her daughter's side while she slept with his shirt in her tiny fist. He seemed so utterly relaxed while he adjusted their position in his chair to keep working. It was almost out of character, his offer. But she wasn’t going to complain.

Rowan Whitethorn may have been the hardass of the office, but maybe he had a soft spot after all. @rowaelinscourt

#rowaelin #rowaelin month #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #tog #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfic #tog fic #tog fanfic #fluff #fluffy #rowaelin fluff #single parents au #briar whitethorn #evie galathynius #writing #my writing #masterlist

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let-me-luve-you · 4 years ago

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I’m Proud of You

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: The reader is in the military and encourages Tom to take the role of Cherry. Now that the movie is coming out, everyone expresses how proud they are.

Warnings: Not too descriptive but mentions of ptsd and addiction, angst, supportive friends and family, talks of the movie Cherry, talks of military

A/N: Hey guys, this is so late and I’m sorry. Just been going through it a little bit but I’m okay. Thank you to those that reached out. I hope you enjoy this.

MASTERLIST BUY ME A COFFEE REDBUBBLE

When Tom was pulled aside by the Russo Brothers when he was filming End Game and was given the plot line of the movie Cherry, Tom immediately thought of you. You were his baby sister that served in the military. Tom was hesitant to take the role of an army medic that has PTSD and struggles with addiction. This character would hit home in a way.

You had been home leading to Tom leaving for Atlanta to film the final Avengers movie, but you left shortly after he did to go back on deployment. Tom was never fully calm when he knew you weren’t home. He constantly worried.

When the Russo’s came to him, they knew he would have to consider everything from career to personal. They knew you served your country. What they didn’t know was that you were already suffering from PTSD. Tom knew, which is why it took him all of filming to give them an answer.

One morning when Tom was talking to you, he mentioned the role and how he didn’t know if he should take it. It discussed heavy issues. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to bring it justice. You encouraged him to take the role. You told him you knew he could do the role. That he was an amazing actor. You included that doing this movie could help start a conversation about mental health and addiction within soldiers and veterans.

Tom remembered the conversation like it was yesterday. Now the trailer is being released and he is starting the virtual press tour. You had just come home right before Christmas. Your Christmas present to your family was telling them you were retiring from the military. Tom was ecstatic at the news. He hated worrying about you when you were gone. He was constantly thinking that the next phone call he got was going to be his parents telling him you weren’t coming home.

A month later, you were currently staying with Tom until you found your own place. When Tom was sent the trailer to Cherry for him to post on his own social media the next day, he brought his computer to your room. He knocked on the door and opened it when he heard a quiet “come in.”

“Hey Y/N?” You looked up from your iPad when he spoke.

“Yeah?” You asked, confused.

“I have the trailer for Cherry. They just sent it over. Want to watch?” He asked hopefully. You could see the slight fear in his eyes, but you didn’t understand why.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and set your iPad on your night stand. Tom smiled back at you and sat down on the other side of the bed. He quickly made it full screen and hit play. He had already watched it so Tom watched you through the corner of his eye. He noticed that when it showed the war scenes, you tensed.

When the trailer was over, Tom slowly exited out and shut his computer screen. “What did you think? They are going to send over the movie this weekend. Figured me and you could make a movie night out of it with the whole family.”

“I liked it. You look like you did a good job so far. I can’t wait to watch it.” You smiled at him. Tom immediately knew you were putting on your fake smile.

“Everything okay?” He asked, concerned.

“Yeah. I just…” You sighed and looked away from Tom. “Just still adjusting to everything. You know that I’m going to therapy, right?”

Tom shook his head, “No, I just thought you were going to mum’s and dad’s.”

“No. I’ve been going to therapy. I’m at three days a week right now. The nightmares are just too much to handle. Then I hear sounds during the day and it just flashes me back to there.”

“I’m sorry y/n/n. You know you can talk to me. I want you to know you can talk to me. No matter what time. I talked with veterans, I don’t know what you went through, but I know it wasn’t good. After playing this character, I don’t want to see that happen to you. Did they prescribe medicine?” He asked.

You shook your head.

“Okay. If they feel you need to, please let me know. I really, really don’t want you to go through addiction. I don’t even want to risk it for you to even get close to addiction.” He said seriously. You knew he was. You didn’t want the medicine anyways.

“I can’t wait to see the movie.” You said with a smile. “But can I ask if we can start it early? I already know, I’ll probably need to pause it and take a minute when it gets to those scenes.” You said. You didn’t even need to specify which ones. Tom knew already that watching the military scenes were going to be hard for you.

“Yeah. We can. And if you want it to be just us, that’s perfectly okay. I can watch it with everyone else the next night.” He said giving you options.

You shook your head to turn down the new option, “that’s okay. I can watch it with them. Just let them know I will need to pause it.” Tom smiled at you and nodded before kissing your head and getting off your bed. Tom left to go show everyone else the trailer.

After he posted the trailer to his Instagram a few days later, positive comments started flooding his Instagram and Twitter. You scrolled through the comments from Harry, Haz, the Russo Brothers, and more people Tom knew and worked with and like all of them. You were so happy to see them support Tom. He had the right people in his corner.Next you saw a post from Tuwaine. First you scrolled through the photos. They were of Tom as Cherry throughout the different times in the characters life.

It’s funny, cos when I see bae do a role like this, I’m reminded again and again of how talented he truly is. I don’t think the world can look at you the same way once this is out.

He added that the trailer link was in his bio and you smiled. Not many people would do that, but Tuwaine has been one of Tom’s day 1s. You loved Tuwaine like a brother. You couldn’t ask for a better best friend for your brother.

You knew Tuwaine’s words were 100% correct. People saw Tom as a kid. They saw him like he is this sweet, innocent teenager like Peter Parker. He didn’t hate that, but he also hated being seen as a kid. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Spider-Man and he would love to play that character for the rest of his life, but he’s 24. He wanted to be taken seriously and no one takes a kid seriously.

You remember getting the selfie Tom sent to your phone when he was filming. You didn’t get it until you returned home, but he loved to text your phone when things happened so you could stay up to date with him. The selfie Tom sent you was when he was in Morocco. He was in all of his military gear. The text under it was,

I put this suit on and I feel like I’m an imposter. I feel like I don’t deserve to wear this. I’m just an actor, you are the real hero in this world. But when I feel like this, I remember what you told me. “If anyone can play this role, it’s you Tom. You have a connection to the military. You see what it can do to the family and friends around the soldier. You know what it has done to me. If anyone can bring this character to the screen and help start a conversation about PTSD and addiction, it’s you. I don’t know another actor that would take it seriously and give it 110%.” I hope this movie does start that conversation. I hope people see this character and realize the severity of it. Thank you for pushing me to do this role. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again. Stay safe y/n/n. I love you.

You decided to post the picture he sent you plus a screenshot of the text. You wanted them to see Tom as Tom. You were so incredibly proud of him and you wanted the world to see that.

Tom, I honestly don’t know what words to say right now, you know I’m not good at them, but I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for going outside your comfort zone. You went into this movie to show people you can be more than the nerdy high school kid and to start a conversation. I read all the text you sent me when filming this. I know the hardships you went through. I cannot wait to watch Cherry with you to see all the hard work pay off. I already know you were absolutely amazing in it. I love you and I’m proud of you!

When Tom got the notification that he was tagged in a post by you, he smiled. He smiled even bigger seeing the photos you used and as he read the caption. He was the luckiest brother in the world to have a sister like you. He quickly comment thank you and love you with a kiss and heart emojis.

“Tom?” You asked as you walked into his room to see him lying on the bed.

“Yeah?” He questioned.

“I really am proud of you. Let’s go out for lunch. My treat.” You smiled. Tom got out of bed and walked to you.

“Thank you for pushing me to do this role. I’m really glad I did it.” He said and gave you a kiss on the head. “Now go get dressed, I’m paying.” He said with an arrogant tone and walked towards his bathroom. You left to get dressed while laughing. Knowing it was going to be a fight to see who actually paid for lunch.

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simp-4-kylo · 5 years ago

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Can I request for Kylo Ren? The reader is dating him and she has vertigo. She doesn’t tell him. She was in a training session with him one day and isn’t feeling good. She doesn’t say anything and he noticed something was wrong, it was too late and she passes out. Not knowing what to do, he takes her back to his quarters and when she wakes up, she tells him and he takes care of her the rest of the day and just tons of fluff!! Thanks!!

Falling For You

Warnings: Reader has vertigo, curse words, no smut (ya nasty jk jk), bunch of fluff, over protective Kylo, domestic ??, I dunno its only my third day out here

Word Count: 1,907

HEY! SO I HAVE A REDBUBBLE AND WILL BE MAKING STAR WARS RELATED THINGS AND LOGOS THAT ARE RAINBOW IN HONOR OF PRIDE MONTH, I WILL POST ABOUT THEM WHEN I GET THEM UP!

A/N: hello! Thank you for requesting something and I am so sorry it took me so long to get to it. I really just have been really bad lately about writing because I haven’t been feeling that my good writing juices are flowing right. I really hope I got this vertigo shit right, I know a little about it but I am no expert in the topic. Also, side note if anyone wants to suggest some songs/artists/albums for me, drop it in my ask or DM me! I need music, now enjoy what’s below!

It was around 5 AM when your alarm went off, waking up with a groan you moved your head to the side to look at your night stand, reaching over to turn your holopad off that was blaring your alarm ringtone. You sat straight up and rubbed your face, you never were a morning person. You hated getting up so early every damn day, but you did it for Kylo. You became his apprentice around two years ago and became his girlfriend a year after that, when he killed Snoke and took over the throne.

Kylo had wanted you to start training with him from day one, he said that if you were to be his apprentice he wanted you to be feared in the galaxy just like he was, and you were feared if not more than Kylo. Everyone knew better than to fuck with you, word got around fast that you were Kylo’s girl and no one dared to mess with you.

Not that you couldn't fight your own battles, you most certainly could. You had always been a strong fighter and loved to train and work out. If you weren’t relaxing with Kylo, helping out with the technicians, or doing odd jobs for the higher ranking officials, you were training. It was something you enjoyed because you could release some tension, plus is was fun fighting with the Knights of Ren. They never went too hard because lord knows if one of them ever hurt you, Kylo would not hesitate to kill them.

There was just one little thing that sometimes got in the way, it was the fact that you had vertigo. Pushing yourself too hard in training lead to you becoming dizzy, which then made you pass out. Never once had you passed out in front of others due to the fact that if anyone knew about this, they could use it to their advantage.

You never kept secrets from Kylo and both of you encouraged each other to tell the truth and that you could trust one another, this was just one thing you haven’t told Kylo yet. Not that he wouldn’t care, but that he might care too much...

As you finished brushing your teeth, you messaged Kylo on your holo pad, informing him that you were currently on your way to training. Slipping on your fighting gear and grabbing a protein bar, you headed out the door. The hallways weren’t as busy as usual since it was still early, and a shift change wouldn’t have for around another half hour.

Making your way down the cool hallways you started to feel off, maybe it was something with the force. No it couldn’t be, this was a totally different feeling. shit you mentally cursed as you had to stop and lean against the wall for support, ah you knew this feeling now, the feeling that you might pass out.

You didn’t want to tell Kylo you suddenly didn’t feel well enough to train with him, he might think that you were weak. Once you felt the dizziness tone down, you continued on your walk to the training area. Still the impending thought that you might pass out at any moment, you just hoped you could push through training and then go straight back to your quarters to pass out.

Walking into the training room you had already saw Kylo swinging his light saber around so gracefully. You loved watching him when he used his saber, it was truly a sight to see. He knew just how to turn the saber and where to strike, he was truly gifted. He turned around when he heard the blast doors.

“Hey sweetness! How did you sleep? Ready for me to kick your ass?” He asked looking at you with a smirk drawn out over his lips, Kylo was very quiet and tense when ever he was around others, but when it came to you. He knew he could let his guard down and trust you, and most importantly he could love you.

“Yup! I slept fine, I can’t wait to move the rest of my things into your quarters, I miss being in the same bed as you. You frowned lightly. “Don’t worry sweet thing, I have men moving the rest of your things into my living space as we speak. Now let’s get to it, prepare to get dominated.” He said as he wiped sweat off with a near by rag.

You were nervous because the feeling of passing out hadn’t gone away or at least subsided. You smiled a small and timid smile, you most certainly did not want to pass out in front of Kylo because he might be mad at you for lying to him about your condition

You put the rest of your fighting gear on and grabbed your lightsaber. You had made your very own saber with Kylo not too long ago. He had finally felt you were far along enough in your combat skills that it was time for you to make your own.

You and Kylo stood in the middle of the room giving each other a hard stare with your eyes, tipping your hea.d slightly indicating to Kylo that you were ready. There was no holding back when it came to the two of you fighting. Of course Kylo would always be careful, he knew that you held your ground.

As a few swings and jumps later, the feeling of passing out became stronger, you mentally cursed to yourself. You wanted nothing more than for this session could end, so you could make your way back to the privacy of your home and relax a bit more.

This change in your face did not go unnoticed by Kylo, he knew something was off with you too. Not that he was ignoring your feelings, he just felt that if something was wrong you would speak up and tell him. He has always told you that you could trust him, he loved you and would do anything to make any sort of pain go away.

Has the two of you continued to train together, the worse you felt. Not wanting to appear weak, you kept shaking off the feeling of passing out. Except now it was getting truly unbearable and you began to worry that if you didn’t take a break soon that you would be at risk of passing out while trying to train.

“Kylo, I need to take a quick break and grab some water.” You had said as you disabled your lightsaber. “Okay sounds good, sorry if we’re going too hard. I just want to know you won’t ever be in harm's way. Not that you aren’t strong, you really are. I just-“ Kylo was cut off by the sound of a loud thud. He turned around to see where the sound came from, and he was shocked when he found you lying on the floor unconscious

Kylo was shocked to see you laying on the ground, he was afraid he had hurt you in some way. His heart felt as though it was beating in his head, he tried to move his legs to get over to you but he couldn’t. Fucking hell Kylo, move your damn feet! The love of your life is laying over there unconscious, get to her! He had said in his head. Finally moving his feet over to you, he leaned down and checked for a pulse and he thanked the gods that you were still breathing. He picked you up in his arms and swiftly made his way out of the training room and towards his quarters.

Once arriving at his quarters, he marched to his bedroom and put you down softly on the bed. He went to the kitchen to fill a glass of water and to grab something for you to snack on, he wasn’t too sure as to what he needed to do but he did know he needed to make sure you were okay. Not wanting to leave you alone for very long, he made his way back towards what would soon become your shared bedroom.

As he entered his room, he saw you sitting up and looking around his room. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he saw that you seemed to be alright, he did swiftly move over to your side of the bed and put the drink and food on the nightstand next to you. “Are you okay? I was so worried I had hurt you or something, did I? How do you feel and what can I do to make you feel better? I’m sorry if I hurt you, here I brought you some water and food. If there is anything else I can get you please let me know and I will get it, I just-“ once more he was cut off as you had leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips.

When you pulled away from the kiss you reached your hand up to the side of his cheek and rubbed your thumb in little circles. “Kylo I’m okay. I just, uh. I never told you I had vertigo, I was afraid you’d see me as weak. I didn’t want to be left on the ship while you went out fighting in battles and having all the fun…” you had said as you reached over for the water glass to take a sip. Kylo just looked at you with a soft smile on his face as he reached over to toy with your free hand.

“No, no. I would never see you as less than me, ever. I only want to keep you safe my love. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something had ever happened to you, you are my constant, I love you so much and only want what is best for you. I would never see you as weak nor would I ever leave you on the ship, you always will be with me. I just want to know how to help in any way.” He said as he rubbed circles into the top of your hand.

“I know, I just- You know I tend to overthink everything. I know you’re only trying to help, I just want to be strong for you and the Galaxy.” You had said now looking him in the eyes, blushing while ending your statement.

“You are strong for me, if not the strongest in all the Galaxy. I will do anything for you. I love you sweetness.” He said now scooting up to be right next to you on the bed. “Thank you Kylo, now that I think of it, there is one thing you can do for me.” You had said as you turned to face him, placing your hand on his chest and a faint smirk crossed his lips.

“And what may that be?” He said as he looked down on you and smiled. “Stay here with me for the rest of the day? I just want to cuddle and be with you, I don’t want to do any fancy First Order work. Just take one day with me please?” You said and gave him the biggest puppy dog face you could muster, knowing that it was his weakness to see you beg for him.

“As you wish my empress” he said as he leaned down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss.

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lingthusiasm · 5 years ago

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Transcript Episode 44: Schwa, the most versatile English vowel

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 44: Schwa, the most versatile English vowel. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 44 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today, we’re getting enthusiastic about schwa and stress. First, we made our LingComm grant goal! We’re now giving out three grants to linguistics communication projects. The deadline for those applications is the 1st of June wherever you are, which is very soon, so make sure to get those applications in. That’s 2020, in case you’re listening from the future.

Lauren: We’re actually giving out four. We are giving out more than we originally planned, thanks to Claire Bowern funding a fourth LingComm grant on a project that looks at minoritised languages.

Gretchen: Those grant applications are due on June 1st, 2020. If you’re interested in applying for that, go to the website lingcomm.org. That’s “comm” with two Ms. You’ll see all the details there.

Lauren: If you’re listening to this deep in the future, you can go to lingcomm.org to see what great projects we funded.

Gretchen: Indeed you can.

Lauren: We now have new Lingthusiasm merch. We have little badges for you to wear through Redbubble, which is really exciting. They’re super cute.

Gretchen: Interesting! I think I would call those “pins” or maybe “buttons.” Whatever you call them, they are round circular things that you can pin on your clothes or backpacks that say fun linguistics things on them.

Lauren: Hm. I’d call them “button badges” as well.

Gretchen: I think “buttons” is kind of ambiguous because you don’t know if that’s a kind of button you use that you sew into your clothing or that you pin into your clothing. Maybe I like “pins”? Anyway, you can get these at lingthusiasm.com/merch along with more sticker designs and other Lingthusiasm merch like scarves with the International Phonetic Alphabet on them and other fun things like that.

Lauren: This month’s Patreon bonus episode is about numbers. We look at different counting systems, different number systems, and what using your fingers to count says about you. You can get access to this and 38 other bonus episodes at patreon.com/lingthusiasm.

[Music]

Gretchen: Okay. I have a puzzle for us.

Lauren: Awesome. I love a puzzle.

Gretchen: I’m gonna give you a few words, then you can tell me what they have in common. Our words are “about.”

Lauren: “About.”

Gretchen: “Broken.”

Lauren: “Broken.”

Gretchen: And “council.”

Lauren: “Council.”

Gretchen: Any thoughts for what they have in common?

Lauren: My immediate thought was I’m sad we don’t have Lingthusiasm think time music.

Gretchen: We do have theme music. Maybe we could play it a bit again.

Lauren: Hm. Ah. “About, broken, council” – they all start with different letters. They all have different letters in them. I’m assuming it’s not something about what they mean. They’re all two syllables long.

Gretchen: That’s true. I should give you a couple more examples that also have this thing in common to see if that helps.

Lauren: Okay.

Gretchen: We have “about, broken, council, potato,” and “support.”

Lauren: Oh, “potato.” The goes my two-syllable theory. Definitely nothing semantic about their meaning. They still all have completely different letters. You’ve actually made it harder with more data, Gretchen. Harder. That’s not useful.

Gretchen: The thing we wanna think about is not just what letters are in them but what sounds are in them.

Lauren: Right.

Gretchen: Is there any sound that all five of these words have in common?

Lauren: If I look at the spelling, they all have completely different vowels. They don’t even have the same vowels. But if I listen to how they’re spoken, think about “about, broken,” and “council,” [Gasp] “potato,” and “support,” they all have schwa.

Gretchen: They all have schwa, which I know is your favourite vowel. I have created this quiz just for you.

Lauren: Excellent. Thank you so much. They all have this /ə/ sound. It’s the coolest little letter that doesn’t exist as a written letter in English. It’s one of the coolest sounds in English. I love it. We’re doing a whole episode. It’s schwa time.

Gretchen: It’s schwa time. So, /əbɑʊt/ has that /ə/ in the first syllable. /bɹoʊkən/ has that /ə/ in the second syllable. /kɑʊnsəl/ has that /ə/ there – /pətɛɪtoʊ/ /səpoɹt/. There’s the /ə/ going all the way through. Here’s your second quiz. There’s a special thing about this particular set of five words. They all have schwa in them, but they all have something else that’s different about them.

Lauren: They’re all spelt with the actual different vowels. When I learnt that schwa was the sound that hid across all of the vowels – it doesn’t matter what one you write, if it’s in an unstressed syllable, and we’ll talk about that, it becomes a schwa – it explained to me why I find writing some words so difficult. If you don’t know how to spell “potato” and someone says /pətɛɪtoʊ/, that could be a P-A, that could be a P-U. It’s really hard to tell. But all of those are written with different vowels but sound the same in speech.

Gretchen: Yeah! You get words like /dɛfənɪtli/, which was one of these words that I didn’t know how to spell for the longest time. It would give me this red underline and I was like, “Why? This looks totally reasonable to me!” Then, I had to learn that the schwa – /dɛfənɪtli/ – the schwa there wasn’t spelled with an A, it was spelled with an I. You really can’t tell in English because every single vowel letter can represent this particular vowel sound, which is really frustrating when you’re a kid learning how to spell and yet is really cool when you’re a linguist because it’s one of these mysterious things that once you notice it, it’s everywhere. Yet, you can go your whole life without noticing it.

Lauren: We talked about all the vowels back in Episode 17 with vowel gymnastics and how, unlike consonants, vowels exist in this space and they all shift around like a multi-dimensional slide trombone. I guess that’s why we went with “gymnastics” as an analogy instead of “multi-dimensional trombones.”

Gretchen: I mean, if someone wants to design a multi-dimensional trombone for me, I’ll take it.

Lauren: We talked a teeny bit about schwa in that episode, but I have been wanting to do an episode all about schwa for ages. Here we are. Exciting times.

Gretchen: I think we should also mention what schwa looks like when it’s written in the International Phonetic Alphabet because it is part of your icon or your whole icon on various different websites, is it not?

Lauren: Yes. If you’ve ever seen the upside-down E looking thing that is the Superlinguo logo, that is the sch – so schwa is interesting in that it has a name. It also has, like all of the vowels, a representation in the International Phonetic Alphabet. That representation looks like an upside-down E. I’m not normally one of these people that has lots of opinions about fonts, but when it comes to how it’s written, it is not an upside-down E. This is something I’m very fussy about.

Gretchen: What is the difference between a schwa and an upside-down lowercase E? Please tell the class because I don’t know.

Lauren: If you turn it back up the other way, it looks really unproportioned. It’s like the top of the E is just way too high up. It looks all weirdly stretched.

Gretchen: So, the thicknesses of the letters and so on are weirdly stretched? Is that the thing?

Lauren: Yeah. The height of that little loopy bit of the E, if you turn it back the other way and try and use it as an E, looks a bit – it just makes it look like the E is gonna fall over. It’s really wobbly.

Gretchen: Okay. I feel like we need to point this out that you know this because you made schwa cookie cutters.

Lauren: Yes. I designed and 3-D printed a schwa cookie cutter a few years ago for Christmas gingerbread.

Gretchen: Then, a very helpful person on the internet said, “Couldn’t you just have used an E cookie cutter and turned the cookies upside-down?” and you were like, “No, no, no, because the thickness is different.”

Lauren: No. You absolutely cannot.

Gretchen: I feel like, historically speaking, it probably was an upside-down E though because I know a lot of the IPA symbols are upside-down versions or rotated versions of existing letters because that way they didn’t have to typeset new letters back in the metal printing days. But I believe you that, now that we have digital formats, schwa can have slightly different line thicknesses.

Lauren: Yes. It has its own representation. It has a name that not many other vowels have names. Technically, it’s a mid-central vowel, which just means it’s just in the centre. It’s not high. It’s not low. It’s not front. It’s not back. It’s not any of these dimensions that we talk about. It’s just the most /ə/ vowel that exists, which is why everything ends up going towards it when it’s not stressed because it’s the least exciting thing to do with your mouth. There’s actually a Wikipedia entry for the mid-central vowel – that /ə/ vowel – but schwa is so iconic there’s also a separate Wikipedia page just to talk about it as “schwa.” This is how strong its brand is.

Gretchen: Schwa’s brand is strong. Especially for the vowels, normally if we talk about vowels, we talk about /i/ or /ɛ/ or /ʊ/. You just say the name of the vowel – or sometimes people say the name of the symbol. Like, “small cap I” or –

Lauren: “Open O.”

Gretchen: “Open O” or something like this. Schwa has got this name that doesn’t refer to the shape of its symbol, it’s got its own name. The thing that’s always tormented me about the name “schwa” is, like, it’s a cool name. I will grant you this. But it doesn’t have schwa itself in the name.

Lauren: This is true and very disappointing.

Gretchen: Other symbols, like “theta” – /θɛɪtʌ/ has a theta in it. Great. We’re doing a great job. Good job, theta. Schwa does not have a schwa in it, and I find that kind of disappointing.

Lauren: Disappointing.

Gretchen: However, I looked up the history of the name “schwa.” Apparently, “schwa” used to have a schwa in it and then it stopped, which I now think is even better. The word “schwa” is from the Hebrew /ʃva/ for which the classical pronunciation was apparently /ʃəwa/.

Lauren: Ah, so before modern Hebrew, it had a schwa in it. It was like /ʃəwa/?

Gretchen: Exactly. /ʃwa/, /ʃəwa/ – maybe we should start calling it /ʃəwa/ because then it would have a /ʃəwa/ in it.

Lauren: Amazing. I think one of the things I like about the name of schwa is that the name itself encapsulates its history.

Gretchen: Yeah. Initially /ʃva/ or /ʃəwa/ is the name of one of the sets of dots that indicates this sound – because Hebrew writing, along with Arabic, are normally written with just the consonants. Then, if you want to indicate what the vowels are, you can add these extra little dots and bits above and below the consonants which, most of the time, aren’t used but are sometimes used for children or for contexts where you wanna be super precise. One of the names of these sets of dots indicating the vowels is /ʃəwa/, which was used to indicate either the /ə/ sound, the schwa sound itself, or /ɛ��/, which in most languages the /ɛɪ/ sound is written with what English calls a letter E. If you think of the /ɛː/ as in /kæfɛɪ/ or /foɹtɛɪ/, those Es are that /ɛɪ/ sound. This kind of explains to me why it’s an upside-down E and not an upside-down literally any other vowel because every vowel letter can become a schwa sound because in this origin it could be used for either one of these two sounds.

Lauren: Nifty. Even though it’s pronounced /ʃva/ in modern Hebrew, the spelling of “schwa” itself is actually from the German spelling for it. I think this was one of the reasons I like the name “schwa” is that it encapsulates its history being borrowed from Hebrew orthography. Then, in the 19th Century, a lot of German linguists used it for that sound. That S-C-H spelling is the German spelling rather than any other language. Most satisfyingly, it was first used by a guy called Schmeller who has his name spelt S-C-H as well.

Gretchen: Johann Andreas Schmeller, who also used the schwa. Maybe that’s why he liked it.

Lauren: It became big in the 19th Century and definitely by the end of the 19th Century/Early 20th Century it was being used in texts to represent that sound.

Gretchen: Schwa is also very common in German. A lot of words that end in E in German have that E pronounced as a schwa. The name what in English would be Gabe – the German name /gaːbə/ – that /ə/ at the end is also a schwa.

Lauren: It definitely pops up in a lot of languages because it’s quite efficient.

Gretchen: You also get this optional schwa sound with Es at the end of the word in French. You can have /lɔ̃ːg/ but also /lɔ̃ːgə/, which is the word for “long.” There’s an E there that can be optionally pronounced. When it is pronounced, it’s pronounced kind of like schwa. This gets to something interesting because German and French have these schwas that are spelled with the letter E at the end of a lot of their words. English, instead, has these completely silent Es at the end of a lot of its words.

Lauren: The bane of all children learning to read in English – the silent E.

Gretchen: Oooh, “bane.” There’s an example! Words like “bane” and “fame” and “fine” and “bone” and “meme” – that one is not one that I learned when I was in Grade 4 spelling class. There’re all these words that end in silent E in English. The rule that I learned when I was in Grade 5 spelling class was the silent E makes the vowel say its own name.

Lauren: Oh, I like that. I never learnt that. That’s very handy, trying to get your head around the rules of reading English.

Gretchen: Yeah. It’s really nice.

Lauren: I’m really jealous that I never learnt that very efficient way of thinking about what E was doing.

Gretchen: But it’s a rule that’s kind of unsatisfying to me as a linguist now because why should adding an extra vowel to the end of the word change how the vowel in the middle of the word is being pronounced? That’s something that I found unsatisfying as a budding linguist. What sort of process is that?

Lauren: I am going – I mean, I know the answer. But if I had not known the answer, I would’ve taken a wild guess at it being retrospectively attempting to make sense of a historical process by pretending that there’s some kind of reason for it.

Gretchen: I mean, that’s not not what’s going on.

Lauren: The reason why they had to retrospectively come up with this rule is because the E used to be pronounced. It used to be pronounced as our friend schwa. They weren’t just one syllable words. The were two syllable words. It was /banə/ – “bane” – and /famə/ and /hamə/.

Gretchen: Oh, so the schwa actually used to be pronounced there. You’d get, instead of “fine,” like /fɪnə/. Instead of “fame,” /famə/. Instead of “home,” /hoʊmə/ or something like that.

Lauren: Yes. You had two syllables instead of one syllable that we have now for “fine,” “fame,” “home.” Those syllables started with a consonant, ended with a vowel. Then, over time, that schwa comes off at the end. It’s not as easy to always pronounce it – a bit like with the French example. In French at the moment, you can pronounce it, or you don’t have to. It’s starting to erode away at the end of a word. That was the process that happened in English.

Gretchen: Right. This is really interesting because in English and in other Germanic languages as well there’s a difference between the kinds of vowels that you can have in a syllable where there’s a consonant at the end and in a syllable where there isn’t. We have English words “hid” and “hide,” which have /ɪ/ and /ɑɪ/ in them both between H and D. But there’s a word like “hi,” but there isn’t a word in English /hɪ/ or /fɪ/ or /kɪ/ or /mɪ/ even though all of these can be perfectly good as long as there’s another consonant in them.

Lauren: This is where the rules of English syllables interact with the rules of what sounds can go into them. We used to have two syllables in words like “fine” and “fame,” and now we have one. That little E sits there to remind us as a written fossil even though we don’t pronounce it anymore.

Gretchen: It reminds us that the vowel that’s in this first syllable, which is now the only syllable, is the kind that can exist without a consonant after it. Because we can have a word like /hɑɪ/ and not a word like /hɪ/, if there’s that E at the end – you have /hɑɪd/ or something – then that reminds us – and by “us” I mean people who know this history, which is not most modern contemporary English speakers – that this is the kind of word that has the vowel that can exist in open syllables.

Lauren: For the rest of us, it’s just a handy way to spell properly.

Gretchen: There was a special reason why it was schwa that was so easily lost at the end of all of these words like “fine” and “home” and “hide.” That’s because schwa is what’s known as a “reduced vowel.” It’s physically produced for a shorter amount of time than a full vowel like /ɑɪ/ or /i/ or even /ɪ/.

Lauren: It’s what allows us to just sneak it in really quickly in syllables that we’re not really focusing on.

Gretchen: If we produce some syllables faster or quieter than other ones, those faster or quieter symbols tend to also have schwas.

Lauren: This is why schwa crops up in all of these words regardless of what vowel they’re spelt with. I’m pretty sure Lauren who really struggled to spell words because she couldn’t distinguish the vowel because it was being pronounced with schwa when she was learning to spell would’ve said, “Why don’t we just spell all the words with schwa and be done with it?” That wouldn’t be the most practical solution.

Gretchen: The problem is, if we respell English to be consistent and every time we say schwa we write schwa, it works in the short term because we have this transparent relationship between the sound and spelling, which is nice. But the annoying thing – this fact that you can write any English vowel letter for the sound schwa – is also a fact about the structure of English. There are all these words that are related to each other where we can see that relationship more clearly based on the spelling than we can sometimes with the pronunciation. The spelling can help us notice when words are related to each other. If we take up a word pair like “acid” and “acidity” –

Lauren: “Acid” and “acidity.” Well, that -ity bit on the end of “acid” that turns it into “acidity” also changes the vowel to a schwa.

Gretchen: Yeah. /æsɪd/ and /əsɪdəti/ – in the first one we have /æ/ as the first vowel and in the second one we have /ə/. Yet, it still seems pretty intuitive that these words are related to each other. It’s just that when we do have this -ity on the end, we pronounce the main word – instead of /æsɪd/, we say /əsɪd/.

Lauren: It would be inconvenient in the even medium turn to lose the relationship between, say, “courage” and “courageous” just because we have that -ous on the end of “courageous.”

Gretchen: It’s the same thing there. /kʌɹəd͡ʒ/ – the second syllable -age, there’s a schwa. But /kʌɹɛɪd͡ʒəs/ – now there’s a different vowel there. It’s just because we’ve added the -ous on the end. Yet, it’s nice that these two words that are very clearly related to each other still look the same.

Lauren: I guess it’s particularly true as well of those word pairs in English that only differ because of stress. Like /ˈɹɛˌkəɹd/ and /ˌɹəˈkoɹd/ – only different because of stress. Then, we’d be spelling them differently because each one has a schwa in the opposite place.

Gretchen: /ˈɹɛˌkəɹd/ – the schwa is in the /-əɹd/. /ˌɹəˈkoɹd/ – your schwa is in the /ɹə-/. You’d have to /ʃwap/ the – swap the [stutters] /ʃwaz/ – /ʃwap/ the /ʃwʌz/? Wow. That’s really hard to say. Swap the schwas. You wouldn’t know what vowel to recover from the syllable once you started stressing it. It’s the same thing with -ity and -ous. When you make “acid” into “acidity” and “courage” into “courageous,” instead of stressing the /æ/ and the /kəɹ/, you’re stressing the /ɪd/ and the /æd͡ʒ/, if you will.

Lauren: Adding the extra bit to the word shifts where the stress is.

Gretchen: It’s these unstressed syllables where schwa – not every unstressed syllable in English is a schwa, but a heck of a lot of them are.

Lauren: I think we’ll keep the spelling system as it is.

Gretchen: This was something that always used to come up for me back when I used to teach Intro to Linguistics. People would be trying to write things in the International Phonetic Alphabet for the very first time, so they’d go through each word, and they’d say it really slowly and carefully. What that would mean is that instead of saying /əsɪdəti/, they’d say something like /æsɪdɪti/. Okay. Or, instead of saying /kʌɹəd͡ʒ/, /kʌɹɛɪd͡ʒəs/, they’d have /kʌɹɛɪd͡ʒʌs/, /kʌɹɹɛd͡ʒ/.

Lauren: They’ve gone back to stressing every syllable, so the schwas evaporate.

Gretchen: Right! They’d write these words and they’d have no schwas in them all over the place. You’d have to say, “You can say this word like this -- if you’re really saying it slowly and carefully, and you were saying each syllable at once maybe to help someone spell it, you do have the full vowel there some level,” psychologically, for a lot of people, especially because of the spelling that’s influencing you to tell you it’s there. But in normal speech at a regular pace, most of the time you do say schwas a lot. It’s an interesting tension where many of our schwas actually represent a sound that we could recover if you say the word slowly and carefully enough, which is also a reason to keep the spelling where it is because there is some psychological reality to the non-schwa version as well.

Lauren: This discussion is very English-focused, I should say, because it’s something that English seems to do in particular in terms of having this kind of stress and this reducing to schwa on unstressed syllables. In fact, it’s a fairly prominent feature of the English accent. I imagine it’s something that gets transferred when English speakers are learning to speak other languages. It’s probably the closest I’ve come to having the ability to understand what the English accent in other languages must sound like to native speakers of those languages. They must just think that we’re failing to hear vowels all over the place.

Gretchen: “Why do all of your vowels become the same vowel?” I think the inverse is also the case is that it’s one of the trickiest things for people who are learning English from a language that doesn’t do this, which is most of them, to do is be constantly trying to hit this vowel that I don’t even have. “Don’t you want your vowels to all be very distinct from each other?” Schwa or not schwa is this very English thing. The stress part about it being very important which syllable’s stressed and which part of which word is stressed – that’s also a very English thing. I find the most interesting place to notice how important stress is in English is when it comes to poetry.

Lauren: Sure. Because a lot of poetry relies on having certain numbers of syllables. Using stress is one way to explore the rhythm of a poem or a poetic construction.

Gretchen: Right. Some of the oldest English Mother Goose rhymes, nursery rhymes, have a consistent number of stressed bits per line rather than a consistent number of syllables. If you have something like “Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.” There’s three stress bits per line, but the number of syllables is quite different. The same thing with limericks in English, it’s not that there’s the same number of syllables in each line, it’s that the stress pattern is you have to have three stressed syllables, three stressed syllables, two stress, two stress, three stress. You can do that with a varying number of actual syllables in it. Something like, “There once was a man from Nantucket,” three stresses – “once,” “man,” “tuck.” Nine syllables. But “A tutor who tooted the flute,” also three stress – “tu,” “too,” “flute.” That’s eight syllables. And “A wonderful bird is the pelican,” ten syllables but still three stresses.

Lauren: It’s funny. My brain is so tuned to listening to the stress in these, I actually found it hard to count the syllables as you were going because I was so tuned into the limerick structure of stress.

Gretchen: A lot of very English-y poetry styles, as long as you get the stress right, you can really mess with the syllables because English pays a lot of attention to the stress. Whereas, in French, they don’t have this individual, unpredictable stress at the word level the way English does at all. There’s no /ˈɹɛˌkəɹd/ versus /ˌɹəˈkoɹd/ in French. Everything just gets a bit of stress at the end of the phrase or sentence or utterance or whatever you’re saying. You might say something like “Bonjour,” but you could also say, “Bonjour, comment ça va?” and you just stress the “jour” or the “va.” You don’t have to go anywhere in between and stress anything else. This means that French poetry can’t do this stress counting thing because there’s no stresses for them to count.

Lauren: Ah. Normally, I spend a lot of time going, “Oh, poor English speakers. They’re missing out.” But poor French speakers! They’re missing out on limericks.

Gretchen: I really don’t know how you do a limerick in French. I think you’d have to pick a number of syllables that is approximately equivalent and just do that.

Lauren: We talked about this schwa-syllable relationship being very English-focused for this episode, but it’s not the only language in which schwa appears and is a little bit easy to drop once you have reduced the pronunciation of schwa. French was one example you had. In Indo-Aryan languages as well – these are the languages of the same Into-European family as English but they’re over on the Indian subcontinent, so Hindi. I know about this because I had to learn Nepali. They have schwa as a vowel. A bit like the Hebrew writing system, for this vowel in particular, they just don’t write it down. You have to know when to pronounce this vowel by memorising. For some languages in the family it’s just gone altogether. It’s another example of how schwa in some languages can be really eroded. But not in all languages.

Gretchen: This is actually true in Miꞌkmaq as well, which is an Algonquian language spoken in Eastern Canada. In their writing system they use the apostrophe to represent the schwa sound, but the apostrophe is only added when the schwa is quote-unquote “unpredictable.” If you can predict the schwa, then you just put in the schwa where you know it’s supposed to go because as a speaker you say it. Of course, I am not very good – I don’t speak Miꞌkmaq so I’m not particularly good at predicting where it goes.

Lauren: Unpredictable schwa is almost cooler than unstressed schwa.

Gretchen: You can kind of predict it. Speakers actually know how to do it properly, but it’s not always represented in the writing system which is, I guess, something it has in common with Nepali.

Lauren: Schwa has so many cheeky personalities.

Gretchen: Schwa also shows up in English – speaking of being cheeky – as the vowel sound that people end up producing, if you’re an English speaker, when you’re trying not to make any vowel sound at all. If you’re trying to say the sound that the letter B makes, but you don’t wanna say B, you just wanna say that sound by itself, you probably end up with /bə/, which is still a vowel, it’s just schwa. Because that’s the least vowel you can make.

Lauren: Just adding a little bit so you can get that /bə/ across.

Gretchen: Yeah. It also shows up sometimes in people’s names. I knew somebody called /ksɛnjə/ and a lot of English speakers couldn’t pronounce that /ksə/, the KS, at the beginning of her name, so a lot of people ended up saying /kəsɛnjə/ by inserting a little schwa between because that was how they were able to keep both the K and the S.

Lauren: Very handy. Although, I like unpredictable schwa in Miꞌkmaq, one of the best things about schwa popping up in the particular context of unstressed syllables in English means that schwa is set up for being just a really great source of jokes because, when it comes to English, schwa is never stressed. I think that’s a life motto we can all get behind.

Gretchen: This means that there are people who’ve made t-shirts saying, “I want to be a schwa, it’s never stressed.”

Lauren: There’s a great photo from Sandy Abuadas who has made cookies for her students with schwa on them so that her students’ finals will be stressless.

Gretchen: I love it! It’s so good.

Lauren: It was very cute.

Gretchen: I think the stress part – in the technical sense, there’s this very tempting pun with the stress part in the vernacular sense.

Lauren: I think because it’s a sound that is everywhere and ubiquitous but, until you study linguistics, you don’t know that it is all around you. Not only is it around you, but it has its own symbol and it has its own name. I think that’s why it’s a classic linguist iconography to have fun with.

Gretchen: I hope that learning about schwa has not been stressful!

[Music]

Lauren: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, IPA ties, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I tweet and blog as Superlinguo.

Gretchen: I can be found at @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet. Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes and you wish there were more? You can get access to over 30 bonus episodes to listen to right now at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Patrons also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk with other linguistics fans and other rewards. Recent bonus episodes include synaesthesia, numbers, teaching linguistics, and a robo-generated episode of Lingthusiasm. Can’t afford to pledge? That’s okay, too. We also really appreciate it if you could recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life.

Lauren: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our senior producer is Claire Gawne, our editorial producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by The Triangles.

Gretchen: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

#lingthusiasm #language #linguistics #episode 44 #transcripts #podcast #schwa #IPA #International Phonetic Alphabet #stress #merch #never stressed

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billyboymiki · 4 years ago

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5 Works Tag Game

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and post or link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I got tagged by @tippenfunkaport and @caramelaire for this tag game!!

I’m not one to compliment myself on anything honestly. Recently I remember thinking about how I barely drew anything this year. There was a part of my brain nagging at me to check how much I had drawn last year. So, I uh did. Turns out I drew basically nothing?! I triple checked this in fact. My DeviantART, Tumblr AND my camera roll. Nothing . . . I drew 5 very basic pinback button designs and that was it. I couldn’t believe it; but, it made be feel so much better about what I did this year. Basically my whole instagram is all artwork from this year, since I am actually really new to IG. I got super close to 40 works this year!

Now onto the works! They are in order of when I drew them 😊

Glimmer Inspired Patterns

I wanted to teach myself how to make patterns on Clip Studio so bad! I watched a couple of YT tutorials, and I can’t even remember why I decided to make She-ra ones specifically; I’m glad I did though! The Glimmer one means so much to me. Just looking at makes me so happy! The fact that so many people have now called it ‘aesthetically pleasing’ makes me feel as though I actually created a work that others could relate to. That was enough praise for me; to create something for myself that everyone else loved as well 💖

Glimbow Cuddle

This was my first real She-ra artwork. When I saw there was a Glimbow Week again I knew I had to join this one. I don’t know if anyone knows this; but, drawings take me forever to make. I used to be strictly a traditional artist and still prefer to draw rough drafts on paper. I couldn’t decide if I wanted them on Glimmer’s window seat or in Bow’s dads’ library. I was afraid of doing backgrounds; so, both sounded absolutely terrifying. I decided to go for the fireplace even if it meant fancy lighting on top of the background aspect. I think I actually spent more time on the lighting that’s hitting Bow than on anything else in this picture. It was worth it though. I studied how the show did backgrounds and lighting for a while. I tried so many different attempts at how I wanted it to look and ultimately went with this one! I love it so much 🥺

Bow’s list with doodles

Ah, yes the drawings I did for Tippen’s birthday!! I knew I wanted to draw a scene from ‘Tuna Cans’, but I was worried to try something like this. You see, I’m somebody that likes to stay in a comfort zone and only uploaded fully rendered perfect artworks. This year was the first time that I let the ‘fun’ aspect overrule my perfectionism. I’m so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone for this, because I love Chibi styles so much. I can’t even explain the absolute joy I had drawing these. I didn’t tell anyone what I was up to, so it was just me laughing at myself for being an absolute goofball. The end result and everyone’s reactions were more than I could have ever expected. I’ve decided I’m going to revive this style soon as well so please look forwards to it!!

Space Suit Squad

Okay, so I cheated a little with this one! I couldn’t just pick ONE of the squad. Honestly though, I drew these with the thought of making them into prints in the back of my mind. I taught myself how to draw a space background and I’m really proud of it! So much in fact that the one in the final pictures is the first and last one I ended up doing! If I had to pick my favorites I think I’d have to pick Glimmer, Bow and then Catra. I LOVE the way I draw Catra I don’t know why? Maybe the eyebrows I’m not sure 🤔 It took me a while to decide on expressions and poses; although, I figured these were the ones because I could look at them and go ‘yep that’s them.’

Winter Glimbow

This one took me soooo long; I actually had to tell myself that I should put my pen down because it was done and I should stop touching it!!! I was sketching pictures in my sketchbook to make more patterns for my Redbubble account, and of course I’m like 100% Glimbow brainrot. My brain went, oooo you know what would be cute? If this skate was actually Bow’s and not just generic. So, I ended up sketching Glimmer’s as well. The heart that their skates make is like the cherry on the top for me, it had to be done! I’m not sure I did the background justice on this one? It doesn’t matter to me though because the concept was worth the effort. It was snowing here and I needed this picture like I needed air, even if it wasn’t even December at the time I posted it 🤣 I liked this one so much that I have similar ideas for the other seasons sketched out as well 👀

I’m sorry that I ramble so often. I’m like this quiet person; yet, it’s hard for me to get out everything I want to say? I’m horrible at it actually my brain runs at a hundred miles a minute and I’m not good with words most of the time. This turned out as more of a thought process than my actual feelings on each one I suppose. SO, in conclusion. I drew A LOT, I stepped out of my comfort zone, taught myself digital art and patterns. I let myself come to terms with the fact that not every piece of art has to be ‘perfect’. I drew at least 5 FULL backgrounds and I never used to draw them! I’ve also always been one for simple shading and lighting, and I do think there’s a time for that type of style, while other times sometimes a more difficult one might be appropriate. I’m glad that I did both because now I know I can do both, and they each give a characteristic that I adore 🥰 Thank you to everyone that has followed me through this journey, or just anyone who read my rambling! I have an honorable mention under the cut and some originals for anyone that made it this far! 💖

I’m not going to tag anyone; but, if you want to do this PLEASE do it. It was so great to reflect on what I did this year, it really surprised me and I think what you have done will surprise you as well! It’s been a rough year, and in the end we have been here supporting each other and that’s one of the most rewarding parts of being in a fandom! 💜

Glimmer screencap redraw

Another picture where I really tested myself on drawing a background! I love it even if it killed my hand!! The background definitely took the longest on this one too. My sister literally said ‘Wait, you did the background? I thought you just drew her?!’ And that was the only validation I needed!! I ended up thinning out Glimmer’s outline so she matched the background better. If you use the vectors on Clip please use this feature! You can do the opposite as well, it’s super useful!

Oh hi! Remember when I said I couldn’t decide between the two locations? Truth is, I also couldn’t decide if I was going to make it traditional or digital. I ended up getting really mad at the traditional version unfortunately. I haven’t gotten the hang of traditional backgrounds. In the end, I should have also done it in Copic and not cheap pencil crayons 😫

Just some space friends! There is something so rewarding about traditional art. Yes, I can see the mistakes and the proportions are most likely off; yet, it doesn’t bother me? I wanted to also show these bonus drawings because nobody is perfect and I thought some of you might like to see some of my process. Being able to hold it in my hands is something I will never tire of, in a way it’s super rewarding. I keep all my art actually and sometimes I like the rough drafts more than the finished work 👀 Outlining artwork can actually ruin the charm every so often 😔 I do really love the final versions of these though!

Annnnnd the last bonus!! As you can tell the final version stayed pretty true to my sketches! I almost went with a more realistic look and made the symbols ‘stitched’ onto the skates. In the end it felt like it didn’t fit the rest of the drawing unless I wanted to add extra details to the clothing as well. The wings on Glimmer’s skates turned into ‘Shwings’ PLEASE tell me other people know what that is? I had a pair a few years ago and misplaced them. I was doing the rough draft and it popped into brain and I treated it as a joke at first, until I gave it a proper chance XD In the end I fell in love with it!!!

#she-ra #spop #fanart #tag game #billyboymiki #Miki speaks #long post #sorry #my art #I actually cried a little writing all of this 😱#the only thing I wanted to do really bad this year was make an spop amv #I might juggle art and making one so I can get one out at some point

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years ago

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2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

ON TO 2021!

I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

Good night.

#long post #new year's resolutions #year review #year retrospective

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angel-deux-writes · 5 years ago

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50 questions

I was tagged by @agirlnamedkeith :)

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Orange

Name a food you never eat: Mushrooms. I just hate ‘em. Also don’t like seafood!

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Probably too cold, but that’s because being too warm bothers me more. So I’d rather keep my heat set at like 62 than risk being too warm. It’s much better for my eczema.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I think probably putting another load of laundry in? I’m trying to tidy up because my sister might be coming to work from home here later, and I have been living in a mild mess for weeks lmao.

What’s your favourite candy bar? Reese’s. Does that count as a bar? Let’s say yes. The eggs in particular!

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I used to go see the Red Sox sometimes as a kid, once in Tampa Bay while we were on vacation. I went to see FC Barcelona play while visiting a friend (real talk: I probably would not have gotten on that plane if not for the fact that I really, really loved FC Barcelona at the time lmao. it was great to see my friend again, but I was terrified of going on vacation alone in a country I’d never been to! I didn’t even speak spanish at all before that trip! When I hyperfixate I will do ANYTHING lmao). I’ve also been to DC to see Barcelona play (terrifying. tiny planes. would not recommend. It ruled, though, and I got to take my brothers, which was nice). And several times to see Brazil’s national team play at Gilette, which was much easier, because it was like 20 minutes away from my house.

What was the last thing you said out loud? some variation of “oh for fuck’s sake” because I thought the dudes doing my neighbor’s basement renovation had stopped drilling, and then they picked back up.

What is your favourite ice cream? cookie dough of some kind? though I’m also a big fan of anything black raspberry.

What was the last thing you had to drink? coffee!

Do you like your wallet? I do! It was a gift from my mother, like, five birthdays ago? So I probably need a new one, but it’s cute.

What was the last thing you ate? .......i had a fruit roll-up. I’m turning 31 in a few days, and the last thing I ate was a fruit roll-up.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I can’t remember if it was this weekend or last weekend but I DID order a shirt from Redbubble that says “anders was right” lmao

What’s the last sporting event you watched? it was probably a Red Sox game? I used to watch them with my dad back when I could, you know, hang out with him without fear of passing a deadly disease to him and my mom!

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? butter, tho that caramel corn I always get at Christmas is nice too.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My sister to tell her that the dudes next door are STILL DRILLING and that she might want to rethink coming over.

Ever go camping? Nope! Hate even just the idea of it. My dad goes camping with his childhood friends every year, and every time they describe it, it makes me want to die.

Do you take vitamins? Nope! I used to, but then i ran out, and I haven’t bought any since then. I used to take fish oil pills because my dermatologist thought it might help with my eczema, but it didn’t.

Do you go to church every Sunday? Church? what’s that?

Do you have a tan? Never in my life. I am very pale, and turn red very easily. I’m slightly red right now because I spent maybe an hour hanging out on my parent’s deck over the weekend lmao. Also I’ve been going on a lot of walks lately, so I’ve got a lot more freckles on my face than I used to!

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Chinese food. Shouldn’t eat it, because I am allergic to soy, but I accept the stomach aches that come with it.

Do you drink your soda through a straw? Not anymore. I did when I had invisalign, though. I wasn’t supposed to drink ANY sort of soda or coffee with the invisalign in, so I was like “well, what if I use a straw”, and I never got yelled at by the orthodontist, so it must have worked.

What colour socks do you usually wear? I almost exclusively wear socks from Sock it To Me, so they’re all sorts of patterns. I also have a lot of Star Wars socks, because one of my Christmas gifts for the past few years has been a sock advent calendar!

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? I’m from Massachusetts, so...... yes.

What terrifies you? Everything? I’m gonna go with lava. I really hate lava.

Look to your left. What do you see? My phone.

What chore do you hate most? Washing dishes. It’s gross, first of all, and the eczema constantly on my fingers means that the extra hand-washing is literally painful.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? lately? @slipsthrufingers lmao

What’s your favourite soda? Probably cherry coke?

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Drive-thru whenever possible.

What’s your favourite number? 15

Who’s the last person you talked to? My sister and her boyfriend as I was leaving their house, probably?

Favourite cut of beef? idk man, I just eat whatever is put in front of me.

Last song you listened to? Something from my Outrun playlist.

Last book you read? GENUINELY cannot remember. Reading has not been fundamental these past few months. I started Michelle Visage’s book, let’s go with that.

Favourite day of the week? Friday, probably

Can you say the alphabet backwards? Probably if I think enough about it!

How do you like your coffee? with creamer in it!

Favourite pair of shoes? A pair of converse with rainbow bottoms, I think. I also have a pair of gray boots from American Eagle that I love.

Time you normally get up? I used to get up at 4:40, but lately it’s been 7, because I don’t have to commute anymore lmao.

Sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

How many blankets are on your bed? Currently none, because i’m washing my sheets. Usually 3-4

Describe your kitchen plates. Some of them have apples on them, some of them are plain with a green border, and some of them are easter plates with rabbits!

Describe your kitchen at the moment. Teal, small, and messy!

Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? I love a mojito. Also just...whiskey? of any kind?

Do you play cards? I prefer not to!

What colour is your car? Teal-ish blue!

Do you know how to change a tire? I certainly do not

Your favourite state? probably Massachusetts? I haven’t ever lived anywhere else lmao

Favourite job you’ve had? One summer I worked for my dad’s friend putting stickers on envelops and folding them and counting them and putting them in bigger envelopes, and I fucking loved it. Just mindness nonsense. I guess this job is good too, because I actually get paid and have benefits, but editing tech reports is VERY boring.

How did you get your biggest scar? I had one on my knee for a while that finally went away a few years ago, but it was from falling off a jungle gym at school! There was a gap that was slightly too big for my elementary school body, and I fell probably like 6 feet and landed hard on the pebbles that were scattered beneath it! A few of them were embedded pretty deeply in my skin, and there was this gross flap that was hanging open. They ended up replacing the rocks with sand because of me lmao. But now I guess it’s probably just my biopsy scar from back when they were trying to figure out if my weird rash was eczema or something worse! It’s never really healed right!

I’m not sure who else has been tagged so i’m gonna hit @slipsthrufingers since I already tagged her in this for the accent question lmao

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halberdierminister · 5 years ago

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I have been here for an entire year.

Within one week straddling late March and early April 2019, I found out that I got passed over for the dream job I was certain I had in the bag, that the writing I submitted to Steam Ticket wasn't going to get published, and the job I had been doing for nearly two years and had seriously begun to loathe was firing me.

I did not recover from this smoothly.

Instead, I didn't find a new job, and months of being short on rent and bills caught up with me very quickly, and I was threatened with eviction. Luckily, a few of my friends were willing to help me with bills so that I did not get evicted, and another friend was willing to let me stay at her house once I had to leave the apartment until I had somewhere else to move to.

That move would be to my parents' new house outside of Sauk City, Wisconsin. They offered to let me stay with them on a few conditions. These conditions are here reproduced without any editing: You will daily look for a job Maintain a first shift sleep-wake schedule No video games No gaming equipment No anime or comics No occult books No hard rock music If friends come to visit, you will remain chaste in our home. We expect your help as we settle in, and that may vary as to tasks You will keep your room clean So over the course of the move, I sold my PS2 and my N64 and gave away my PS4 and my Xbox 360, though I kept the hard drive. I tried to sell my Gamecube, but it wasn't in good enough shape for anyone to buy. I kept my Nintendo Switch, my New 3DS XL, and my PS Vita, figuring I could keep those hidden enough as handhelds. My PSTV I had lent to a friend months previously. I also sold nearly all of my physical video games, my soundbar and my television set.

On June 19th, 2019, with the help of the friend who had housed me and now owned my old PS4, I moved from La Crosse, Wisconsin -- the city I had lived in on and off since 2008 and permanently since 2014 -- to my parents' house. On the way, we stopped in Madison, Wisconsin so I could rent a storage unit. In there I put a bunch of stuff I wouldn't need at my parents' house, including almost everything that they would have objected to. In went my Magic the Gathering cards. In went my anime wall scrolls. In went my comics and manga and Gamecube and remaining physical console games and books like "The Ethical Slut" and "Werewolf: The Apocalypse" and "Things Not Seen" which isn't even about magic or the paranormal but my mom still decided to steal it from my room once many years ago and hide it in the tool shed with my Harry Potter books and Bionicle trading cards. I also felt I should keep my Legos and stuffed animals in there too. But it wouldn't be long before I could find a full time job, get my own place, and get these things back where they belong. Except I have been here for an entire year. I was never supposed to be here this long! I really wasn't! I worked a hell of a lot. Daily looked for jobs. Even found a few. Overworked myself just about to the point of breaking. But just as I finally got a full time with benefits that would help me build a groundwork for the future… well, people realized that there was a global pandemic going on and shut down stores. My company laid off everyone who had been there 90 days or less. And I mean completely laid off with absolutely no promise of a return. My boss said that if they manage to get to a place where they could hire new people again, they would love to have me back. But she also said that she doubts that they will be in that position any time in the foreseeable future.

So.

I am still here. Which is not to say that it has been a complete wash. After all, as devastating as it was to lose my job, I cannot imagine how much more devastating it would have been if I had been living on my own and had to worry about rent or food. It really is too easy to dwell on the feeling of failure that comes from realizing I have been here for an entire year. I suppose I had better take stock of all the good things that have happened and that I have accomplished since I moved in. 1. I finished my writing portfolio, a project I started for a class in 2013 and had been absentmindedly poking at since then.

2. I rebuilt my entire resume from the ground up. 3. I read a total of 54 books in 2019. Not bad for only having read 2 the year before. 4. I started volunteering at the Sauk City Public Library, which has been fun and fulfilling. 5. I have been hired at Target, Madison College, PrePlayed and Half Price Books. I even managed to work several weeks between 40 hours and 65 hours, something I didn't think I was capable of. I may not have those jobs anymore, but being hired four times in a year is nothing to sneeze at. 6. Except I haven't been hired four times. I have been hired five times. The library was so impressed with my volunteering that when a position for Library Assistant opened up, they asked me specifically if I wanted it. Though I originally turned them down in order to work at Half Price Books, I was pleased to find that it was still open once I had lost my job and once libraries were re-opened for curbside checkout. So I asked and they hired me. It's only part time, but it is far better than nothing. 7. I have read a total of 66 books this year and we are not even at the halfway point. 8. I have finished writing two long-form fics: the poem fic The Revelation of Takaya According to Jin and the literal actual novel A Legitimate Businessman. In fact, at least 30,000 of the words for A Legitimate Businessman were written since I moved in here. That's some pretty hardcore proof that I can actually write an actual novel, something I assumed I just did not have in me. 9. I have paid off thousands of dollars in debt. All that remains is two friends and my student loans. I do not expect to pay off my student loans. 10. Through working at PrePlayed, I acquired for free two PS2s, an Xbox 360, one or two more Xbox 360 hard drives, and a Wii, which I gave to a friend. I have acquired at low cost two wireless guitar controllers for Rock Band, a PS3, and all the controllers and cables I needed to make these and my gamecube work again. I also got a bunch of games and a Gameboy Micro. On Black Friday, I purchased a steeply discounted new PS4 Slim. All of these now reside in my storage locker, except for the Gameboy Micro and the PS4, which are hidden in my room alongside my handheld systems. My hubris may be showing, but so far I have not been hit with a consequence. 11. I bought myself a new ukulele as an upgrade from the one I bought in 2011. It has a built in tuner, a neck strap, and a jack to plug into an amp. 12. I am now paying my own cell phone bill, which I have done reliably for an entire year alongside my storage locker bill. 13. I have gotten three works published this year so far and may still yet have a few on the way. 14. I've made more through Redbubble in the last year than I ever have before. In the process, I have learned a lot more about graphic design. 15. I may not be writing every day, but I am writing MOST days, something that was certainly unthinkable even last year, let alone two years ago. So. There still is lots of work to do. I still need a full time job. I will likely need to rebuild my entire resume from the ground up AGAIN. I still want out of this place. I still need a way to be authentically me. But my parents have been supportive and caring, even with their restrictive rules. And the environment has probably been less restrictive than I imagined it would be. But there's so much I still want to do and so many things I still want to be that I do not feel I can do or be here. In exactly three months, I will turn 30. I truly, truly, truly hope by that time I will have a concrete plan to get out of here. But I guess I have still done a lot.

#i guess i've made it work as best as i can i guess

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