#now i can drink coffee without paying for it later in the form of delayed physiological torment

[crackers4jenn]

I got half of my thyroid removed, I don't know, 6 weeks ago? 7 weeks ago? something like that, and all of a sudden I can tolerate coffee. 🎉🎉🎉

[medea10]

Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

…

At least there was SOME anime this year.

…

Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

…

Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

[ladybugsfanfics]

a different kind of torment | Peter Parker

Pairing: Peter Parker x read

Style: One Shot

WC: 1.8k

Warnings: Angst, idk 

Summary: After Green Goblin discovers Spider-Man's real identity, he threatenes the people Peter Parker loves. That includes you, and that includes a safe house where you can't see each other. inspired by the song Remember Me from the Coco movie as a part of @valkyriesride​ writing challenge

A/N: i made it within midnight (at least for me). I’ve been procrastinating this for so long, have no idea how good it is, but here it is and I hope you all enjoy. Peter and the reader are in college in this (not aged up for any other reason than the fact that the comics have Peter’s identity found out by Green Goblin in college so i got it from there) 

Despite the propped open textbook and the two notebooks in front of Peter, he can’t concentrate on the words in front of him. The letters swirl around the pages like alphabet soup. And though the sauna like air around him is making him sweat profusely, that’s not the main reason he can’t focus. 

There are two reasons. One of them being the fact that you’re lying on the couch, shedding one piece of clothing after another. Peter finds that weird, seeing as you were the one insisting on turning up the heater. But he also finds it highly annoying as you’re taking away his focus and he has an upcoming test in two days. There’s already enough keeping his mind occupied, his pants tightening isn’t helping. 

“Hey, Pete,” you tilt your head up from your phone. Peter raises his gaze from your bare legs to your face. “You done with studying yet?” 

He chuckles as he shakes his head. “Why would you think that?” 

You shrug. “Just that you weren’t exactly looking at the textbook.” The smirk that colors your face is unmistakable. Peter does his best not to indulge, diverting his gaze back to the pages before him. 

He doesn’t see you stand up and make your way to where he sits, doesn’t notice it until one of your arms trail down his chest and your warm breath brushes by his ear. “You sure you’re not done, yet?” 

Peter leans back to your touch, enough to see the smirk and lust in your eyes. You place a kiss along his jaw, and move the way to his lips. Peter’s hand instantly comes up to cup your face as he presses his lips against yours. He scoots his chair back, giving you room to swing your leg over his lap. Even with the change in position, your lips are locked together. 

It also makes for easier access up Peter’s shirt. Your hands move around the hem of it, fingers teasing the bare skin until your hands glide under his sweater and over his chest. Peter’s own hands move across your thighs, sliding up and down, and he can feel his pants tightening by every little movement. 

A stifled moan escapes when you press your tongue into his mouth and your hands slide lower and lower, teasing the lining of his pants. Only, the dread of a conversation Peter’s delayed for far too long―it’s been delayed two hours, but that is far too long considering the importance of the conversation―keeps him from indulging further.

“Y/N,” he says, pulling away you. 

You cock your head. “Something wrong, baby?” you ask, frown plastered on your face in concern. 

Peter swallows, because god he wishes something wasn’t wrong. But something is, and you need to know. “Uhh, yeah.” He presses his lips together and avoids your gaze. 

“Tell me.” Your voice is firm, and the finger that comes under his chin and moves his head back to you, is scorching. 

“Umm, okay, so… There’s this thing, that happened.” Peter bites his lower lip, but no matter how much he wants to, he can’t stop looking into your eyes. They sparkle as usual, but the power in your eyes holds his gaze. He takes a deep breath. “Something happened. It involves you.” 

You frown. “Spider-man happened?” 

Peter nods. “You remember Green Goblin, right?”

“That big green idiot you fought a while back?” Peter nods. “Yeah, why?”

“He found out my identity and he’s threatened everyone I love and that includes you and now you have to move to a safe house.” His mouth moves so fast he’s unsure you actually heard what he said. But when he sees the look in your eyes and the expression on your face, he knows you did. 

“I’m sorry.” Peter takes your hands in his, thumb running circles at the back of both. “Tony has a safe house ready. He’s already made the calls needed so that you can keep up with your classes and not get any absence during the time it takes until we catch him.”

You bite your lip, the frown back on your face. “How long?” 

“I don’t know.” Peter’s hand comes up to cup your face. “I’m sorry, babe. Does it make it better that MJ and Ned will be there, too?” 

“Isn’t it suspicious that we all disappear around the same time?” 

A small smile forms on Peter’s face. “MJ’s already there, and Ned’s going up there two days after you.”

You press your lips together. “Can you visit?”

Even before Peter starts to shake his head, he knows you didn’t expect anything else. “I’m not allowed to know where it is.” 

---

Probably for the first time in your life, you completely lose yourself in school. Peter said there wouldn’t be a problem to help you keep up with your classes, but you’re not just keeping up, you’re ahead by almost a chapter. 

Time runs by so slowly, and if you’re not studying, you’re still with your nose buried in a book. You barely sleep. Just toss and turn, constantly waking up in a cold sweat. Your heart keeps hammering and your thoughts fly out to every place they shouldn’t go. 

MJ and Ned are only helpful when they drag you out of your room and force you to eat with them, force you to watch movies you don’t pay attention to, force you to interact and stop worrying so much because…

...Peter will be fine, right?

“He knows what he’s doing.” Ned tries for a reassuring smile, but you’re not sure he’s even convinced himself of that. “Or, not always, but he’s got Mr. Stark.”

You swallow the remnants of your wine glass. “Not helping,” you say as you place the glass back down on its coaster on the coffee table. “Really, guys, all I wish to get was some kind of message that he was alright, or… I don’t know…”

The bottle of wine rests on the rim of your glass as the red liquid flows out like a waterfall. Only the sounds of the drink sloshing against the sides of the glass and liquid hitting liquid, interrupts the silence that lies over the three of you like a blanket. Your eyes fall to MJ, the reasonable one, albeit at times pessimistic. 

She shrugs. “The threat was for us, though?” 

You nod, but squint at her with eyes full of skepticism. The wine glass is back in your hand, the wine’s cool touch on your lips. 

“Then he’s probably not in that much danger. Green Goblin threatened to hurt Spider-man’s loved ones, not Spider-man. Because he knew that would hurt Spider-man psychologically. Now he doesn’t have anyone to hurt, because we’re not there and Peter’s already hurt. In a way, he managed to do the harm he wanted to without doing anything but issue the threat.”

“I don’t think that makes this any better,” you say. “That means Peter’s hurting, I don’t want Peter to be hurting. He’s the one I’m worried about.”

“What? You’re not worried that some green monster’s gonna come here and eat us alive?” Ned shakes his head. “Shocking. But that would’ve been kinda cool, don’t you think?” 

You try to suppress a smile as you lightly hit Ned in the back of his head. His hand instantly goes up to touch the spot and a small ‘ow’ follows. “Thanks, though,” you eventually say. “I know I’m not that easy to be with currently, but you’re… thank you for being such good friends.”

MJ smiles. “I’m just thankful I’m not alone. If I had to get stuck with someone, at least I tolerate you guys.” 

“Thank. I tolerate you, too.” You roll your eyes, but at least the smile’s actually forming on your face now. The worry is still a feeling at the bottom of your gut, and the nerves are still running at high speed, but there’s an ease to it that wasn’t there earlier. 

---

Three months, one week, four days, eight hours and twenty-three minutes. 

That’s how long it is since you last saw Peter. That’s the exact amount of time that has passed since he said goodbye the day after he told you what was happening. 

And now, as the car pulls into the garage of the compound (the secret compound that you, as a civilian, aren’t supposed to know about), your heart pounds louder and faster than it has all that time you’ve been worrying about Peter. 

The thing is, you don’t actually know what pulled you out of the safe house. MJ and Ned only knocked on your door and told you Tony Stark was there, and that you were getting to go home. 

But you didn't get know anything else, something that is killing you as the door to the car opens. Ned, MJ, and you are led by Tony to a set of elevators. Inside, Tony presses a button with letters on it instead of numbers. The silence is deafening and everything inside of you is buzzing. Energy that surges through your body, adrenaline flowing through your veins, and both there for positive and negative assumptions alike. 

Finally, the elevator doors chime open. (And a relieved sigh relaxes you a little seeing that you’re not entering a medical wing). The doors open into an open space with a comfort area to one side and a table with chairs surrounding it to the other. And that may be the first thing you see, but a moment later you see who you’ve been waiting to see for so long. 

Peter rises to his feet, and if you didn’t know him so well you’d miss the look of pain that crosses his face, but you see it. Your feet run on their own accord, your arms flinging around him and hugging him tightly, whatever hurt him be damned because you haven’t seen him in so long.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you say and pull your head away to look at him, grip still tight in a fear of letting him go.  

“I’ve missed you, too.” He smiles, one hand coming up to cup your face, and you lean into the touch. “But right now, you’re holding onto me a little too tightly and uhm… can you loosen the grip?”

Your eyes widen and you smile as you loosen your grip. “I’m sorry.” 

Peter smiles. “It’s okay.” 

And you nod. “You’re okay, that’s what matters.” With another smile, you lightly press your lips to his. When you pull away, you hug him to you and leaning your head on his chest. You can hear his heartbeat; a steady rhythm that soothes tension in your body after all the worrying. 

After being away for so long, you don’t want to ever let go of him again.

permanent tags:  @devilbat​ @adefectivedetective​ @gamillian​ @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic​ @heartislubbingdubbing​ @wiczer​ @chillcan​ @geeksareunique​ @fandom-imagines1​

[sunshinejs]

Meet Cute

Requested by @kbearr12 :  hi! Can you do one where Connor and y/n bump into each other at Shawn’s Grand Rapids concert and they say sorry. Then she goes back to her seat and he asks a security guard to go find her. He finds her and brings her backstage to see Connor and they properly meet each other and exchange numbers. He has to leave the next day and he promises to reunite with her at the Detroit concert. The day arrives and they go on a date and then he kisses her and they become a couple.

I loved this idea sm!! It turned out longer than I expected and I changed it up a bit but I hope you like it xx (also it’s like almost 2am where I am rn but the coffee from today is not letting me sleep d o n e)

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Word count: 3.8k -ish

“I cannot believe you made me drive all the way here” You grumbled in exhaustion as you plopped down on the bed, face down on the pillow “I’m fucking tired”

 Amber laughs from beside you and poked your side “Come on, y/n! We couldn’t get tickets for the Detroit show so this is the next best alternative” She rolled her eyes playfully “At least say thank you! Remember how long it took me to find someone who was reselling these tickets?”

 You spoke up, your voice muffled by the pillow “Thank you, best friend”

 You lifted your head and shot her a look “Still wouldn’t kill you to drive for half the journey, you know?”

 She rolled her eyes again, “I’ll drive tomorrow, okay? Now stop complaining so much! We’re seeing Shawn in a few hours and it still hasn’t hit me yet”

 “Right?” You gushed dreamily “We’ve waited a whole year for this and I cannot believe it’s really happening”

 Amber nodded in agreement “You can take a nap if you want to, babe. We don’t leave for the arena in a couple of hours”

 You let out a groan and sat up lazily “I want to but I’ve got that assignment to work on. I should at least do some research for it”

 “You brought your uni work with you?” Amber asked amusedly “Who the hell even are you?”

 “I have that stupid proposal Professor Smith wants us to submit next Monday” You rolled your eyes as you walked over to the table where you left your shoulder bag “I haven’t started anything and I would be so screwed if I delayed it anymore”

“Right,” Amber nodded “Lily said he’s a nightmare, huh?”

“The absolute worst” You snorted “I saw a coffee shop across the street so I’m just going to grab a cup and work there. What time do we want to leave again?”

 “Around 5 pm?” She suggested “We can grab dinner first then take a cab to the arena. I don’t think driving is an option for us”

 “Sounds good” You nod “I’ll be back by 4pm to shower and change then we’ll head out”

 “Take care, babe!” She called after you as you walked out of the hotel room.

When you got to the coffee shop, it was quiet as there weren’t that many customers inside the place.

 “Hi!” The cashier greeted cheerfully as you walked up to the front “What can I get you?”

 “Can I get your biggest size of hot latte with extra shot?” You asked, letting your eyes wonder to the chiller where they displayed different muffins and pastries “And a blueberry muffin for having here, please”

 She nodded in respond, picking up a paper cup and a sharpie pen “Your name?”

 “y/n”

 “Okay, so that’s $6 in total” The cashier said, punching in the buttons on the cash register.

 You unzipped your bag, shuffling through your belongings for your purse. As you couldn’t detect it in your hand, you begin to grow nervous because you were starting to look like a completely idiot for walking into the coffee shop without your wallet.

 The cashier picked up on your expression and you could see the annoyed look on her face as you took your time. You sighed heavily, “You know what, forget my order. I’m really sorry”

 Out of nowhere, someone came up beside you and placed his card on the table as he spoke “Can I get a large iced americano and I’ll pay for whatever she ordered”

 The cashier nodded; her mood instantly returned to cheerful as she took the card from the table.

 You turn your head to thank the stranger and when you finally did; you were caught off-guard. The man who stood beside you was incredibly handsome, probably the most good-looking guy you’ve ever met. And not to mention; his set of eyes were the prettiest shade of blue you’ve ever came across.

 “T-Thank you” You stuttered out, cheeks turning rose-y pink because you were probably staring at him longer than you should have.

 “And your name?” The cashier interrupted before he could even speak.

 “Connor” He glanced at the cashier for a second then turning to you, with a smile forming on his face “And you’re welcome”

 “Here’s your card and you can wait for your order at the other end” The cashier handed Connor the receipt and his credit card, flashing him a smile in the process.

 You slowly trailed behind Connor as he walked to the pick-up counter.

 “You really didn’t have to pay for me” You shyly spoke up as you two stood side by side, waiting for your orders “But thanks again… Connor, right?”

 Connor nods, “Hey, it’s not a problem at all”

 “You can give me your details and I could venmo you the money later?”

 He chuckled and shake his head “Honest to God, we’re good. You don’t owe me anything. I insist”

 You looked at him hesitantly. Why was he being so nice when he didn’t even know you? “Okay….” You dragged before holding your hand out “I’m y/n, by the way”

 Connor accepts your shake, grinning as he said “Pretty name for a pretty girl”

 You blushed furiously at his compliment “Thank you, that’s very nice of you”

 “Okay, I’ve got a hot latte and blueberry muffin for y/n” The barista placed the tray on the table “And an iced americano for Connor”

 “That’s us, thanks you” Connor said politely to the barista, grabbing his cup off the tray “Well, y/n, this has been nice but I really gotta run”

 “Right,” You nod “Thanks again for the drink. I wish I could return the kind gesture to you, though”

 He flashed you a smile “Next time!” Connor said as he started heading for the door.

 You called after him in confusion “I don’t live here!”

 Connor turned around, smirking a little “I don’t too but if it’s meant to be, we’ll meet again!” He said, winking before he walked out of the shop.

 You couldn’t stop thinking about Connor as you were in the middle of writing your proposal. What were the odds of you meeting someone so kind and insanely gorgeous like him?

 But then you thought about it realistically and a frown appeared on your face. It’s me we’re talking about You thought to yourself My luck with guys is as good as zero. I don’t have his number and we’re both not from here. There’s no way I’d ever see him again.

 xxx

 “What the fuck?” Amber asked dumbfoundedly once you two were sat in your seats in the arena.

 You were so engrossed in your work earlier at the coffee shop today; you didn’t notice you were late to meet Amber back in your hotel room and was rushing to get ready for the concert. You only brought up your little cute meet with Connor to Amber when you were waiting to get into the arena.

 “So, he just left?” She pressed “No number or whatsoever?”

 You sigh, shaking your head “Nope. Just told me if it’s meant to be then we’ll meet again”

 “We don’t even live here, how the hell is that going to happen?”

 “That’s what I said!” You pouted “Whatever, I don’t care. There’s no way I’d ever meet him again”

 “How cute was he?” Amber smirked “Like really cute? On a scale of 1 to Shawn?”

 You shrugged, “He’s definitely up there with Shawn, for sure. Can’t believe this is happening to me. My luck with guys fucking sucks, Am”

 “Awww, babe” She cooed “I’m sorry that happened, sweets. But I promise; you are going to meet someone!”

 You rolled your eyes at her attempt to cheer you up “I highly doubt that, Am, but thanks for the kind words”

 “Hey, I kind of need to go to the bathroom” Amber announced a few moments later “Do you think I still have time before Alessia’s set?”

 “I think so” You answered, checking the time on your phone “We’ve got about 20 minutes or so. I need to go as well so let’s quickly go and come back”

 After standing in que for about 10 minutes, you and Amber were finally set to head back inside the arena. You could already see the doors were flooding with fans entering, groaning to yourself because you’d have to wait again to get in.

 You were talking to Amber; not really looking where you were going when suddenly someone bumped into your shoulder but thankfully not strong enough to make you fall and look like an idiot in front of everyone.

 “I’m so sorry!” The person quickly said and you swore you’ve heard his voice before. Looking up, your jaws nearly dropped to the floor when you saw who was standing in front of you, holding a camera in his hand.

 Connor blinked a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He looked at you amusedly, stuttering out your name “y/n?”

 “Connor?” You asked unbelievably with wide eyes “What… What are you doing here?”

 He held his camera up, indicating his purpose of being here tonight “Working for Shawn”

 “Wait a second,” Amber butted in, interrupting the moment as she looked between you and Connor “Connor? This is the meet cute Connor you were talking about?” She asked shockingly.

 He caught on her words, smirking at you “Meet cute Connor, huh?” He teased.

 “Shut up!” You hissed to Amber, nudging her ribs lightly so she would get the signal to back away. She raised her hands defensively and took a few steps back.

 “I didn’t know you worked with him” You admitted shyly.

 Connor chuckled “Well, we didn’t really get to say much to each other so it may have slipped my mind, y/n. Where are you sat, by the way?”

 “Section 107, row A” You answered.

 “Oh cool” He nods “I’m sorry but I’ve gotta run now… Can I come see you later?” He asks hopefully.

 You nod without hesitation “Yeah, I’d really like that”

 He waved to you once last time before he sprints down the hall. You walked up to Amber, who was giving you a look “What?”

 “You never told me the meet cute Connor is Connor Brashier, dumbass!” Amber hissed, slapping your shoulder.

 “You know him?” You asked amusedly as you two got in the end of the line to enter the arena again.

 “How the hell do you not know him?” She retorts, clearly offended that you didn’t have a clue who he was “He’ s Shawn’s videographer! Everyone knows him, y/n!”

 “I’m sorry” You answered defensively “I don’t spend that much time on Twitter, you know that!”

 “What did he say?” Amber asked “Did he finally gave you his number? Are you two going to go out? Are you gonna get married?”

 “Amber, shut up!” You cried “1. He didn’t give me his number, 2. We’re not even going out so there’s definitely no weddings, thank you very much and 3. He said he’d come by later”

 “That’s so cute!” She cooed “He likes you!”

 You blushed “He doesn’t even know me, Am. How the hell could he like me?”

 Amber rolled her eyes “And? It’s probably love at first sight or whatever”

 xxx

 Connor could not believe it. He couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since he left the coffee shop and he was 99.9% sure he was never going to see you again since neither of you lived in Grand Rapids.

 I’m an idiot He thought to himself Why didn’t I just ask for her number instead of saying ‘if it’s meant to be, we’ll meet again!’? You’re a dumbass, Connor. Did you really think you lived in a Disney fantasy?

 But then it really did happen. He bumped into you again in the place he’d least expect and he’s sure the universe was trying to tell him something about this girl, and who was he to deny that? He didn’t even know a thing about you, besides your name, and he already was attracted to you. Was that normal?

 Connor was actively moving around; running from one end to another to get different shots of Shawn from multiple angels for the documentary they were in the process of creating. Every time he moved to a new position; his eyes scanned through the crowd in hopes to find you there.

 He finally caught a glance of you when Shawn was doing his set at stage B. You were singing along to ‘Like To Be You’ loudly with the crowd, waving your hand in the air from left to right; the lit-up wristband illuminating a soft pink shade from your wrist.

 Connor wasn’t going to miss this opportunity again. He ran up to the tech booth and so happens stumbled across a pen and Shawn’s set list for the night. He ripped off a small part of the paper and scribbled down meet me backstage later? x Connor then folded it neatly.

 He would’ve walked up to you there and then to pass it to you but Shawn’s fans started to recognize him and adored him in the fandom that he didn’t think it was a good idea. So, he went up to the nearest security guard, Mike, and slipped the paper in his hand.

 “Do you see that girl in section 107 at the front row, wearing the blue sweater?” Connor asked loudly as the guard looked over to the said section and finally spotted you, nodding “Pass this to her and escort her to backstage during the last intermittent break?”

 Mike nodded and wondered off to your spot. From a distance, Connor could see the confusion written all over your face but when he pointed to Connor’s direction, he saw a smile forming on your face as you nodded.

 xxx

 During the last break, Mike escorted you backstage and you nervously trailed after him. You could feel your heart beating at an irregular pace in your chest. You didn’t even know this boy and he was giving you all sorts of feelings.

 Down the hall, you finally spotted him. He sat on a large box, his equipment right beside him. And when his eyes landed on your person, his smile widens.

 “Thanks, Mike” Connor told the security guard who only nodded in reply then wondered off.

 “So, why have I been summoned backstage?” You asked teasingly “Are you going to drag me through the backdoors and have me killed, Connor?”

 Connor rolled his eyes “Like I’d ever kill a pretty lady like you, y/n”

 “Where are you from?” He asked a few moments later.

 “I’m studying in Detroit” You responded as you crossed your arms over your chest “My best friend and I were trying to get tickets for the Detroit show last year but it sold out quickly so this was our next best alternative”

 “Well, I’m glad that happened” Connor smiled, before adding shyly “Sucks that you had to travel a distance but I did meet you twice today, and I guess that’s fate”

 Okay he is definitely flirting.

 You nodded in agreement, smiling “Yeah I guess that’s fate”

 “Okay, so, you owe a coffee date” He announced, pulling out his phone from his pocket “But only when we get to Detroit in August because I leave Grand Rapids tomorrow. Deal?”

 You took the phone out of his hand, and pretended to think about it for a second, clearly teasing him “I don’t remember saying I’d go on a date with you, though”

 “It’s been decided, y/n” Connor smirked “When you said ‘I wish I could return the kind gesture to you’ a few hours ago”

 “Did I?” You faked a gasp as you begin to type your number in his phone “I don’t really recall saying that but if you insist on this little date then I guess I’ll have to go along with it, huh?”

 “Guess you do” He teased, retrieving the device from your phone.

 xxx

 You and Amber finished your last class together and was walking out of campus to head back to your dorm after having back to back classes for the past 5 hours. You weren’t in the mood to do anything else besides sleep at this point.

 “Are you going to that party tonight?” Amber asked as you two walked down the steps outside the main entrance “The one at Kim’s?”

 “I don’t think so,” You groaned sleepily “I just want to order pizza tonight and watch a bunch of movies on Netflix. Sounds like a deal?”

 Amber nodded without hesitation until she saw the sight in front of her. She turned to you, smirking “y/n, you might want to reconsider your plans”

 “Why?” You asked confusingly before your eyes trailed to where she was looking at. Your jaws dropped at the sight of him standing not too far away from you, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, instead of being on the tour bus.

 That little shit.

 “I, uhm-,”

 Amber rolled her eyes playfully at your shocked state and nudged you forward “Stop being a weirdo, idiot!”

 You slowly approached him, noticing his smile widening as you got closer “Hi” You said softly.

 “Hey, there” He greeted sweetly “You’re looking kind of shocked there, y/n. Are you okay?” Connor asked with a grin.

 You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck; squishing the flowers between your bodies. Connor chuckled and wrapped his arms around you “I missed you too, honey”

 “You lied to me!” You whined, slapping his chest playfully after pulling away from his embrace “Still on the road,” You air quoted his text message from half an hour ago “Really?” You asked in annoyance.

 “It’s obviously called surprises” He rolled his eyes playfully, then his eyes trailed over your shoulder, greeting your best friend who he’s met frequently over Facetime calls and grown to be friends with “Hi Amber!”

 “Hey, Con” Amber smiles as she stood beside you “So, I see that you and y/n have plans for the evening so I’m going to head home and catch up on sleep” She announced as she trailed her eyes down to the bouquet “I can take those home for y/n and put them in a vase if you want?”

 “That would be great, thanks Am” Connor nodded gratefully, handing it to her. He held his arm for you to take “Shall we go?”

 “I guess I don’t have a choice” You exaggerated a sigh as he rolled his eyes playfully at you. You looped your arm through his then waved to Amber “Bye Am!”

 “Have fun you love birds!” She teased before walking in the other direction.

  2 hours later, you and Connor were full from having burgers at your favourite diner and were just wondering around town as you showed him your favourite places to shop and etc.

 You finally took him to the big park in your campus neighbourhood and led him to your favourite spot by the big oak tree, where you spent your free times reading, listening to music and just surrounding yourself with nature.

 “So, how’s the tour?” You asked as you two sat by side, leaning back against the trunk of the tree “Everything okay?”

 “Everything’s going great” Connor answered without hesitation “A little tired from all the staying up I have to do but I’m doing what I love, so I can’t complain”

 “Do you have that much to edit?” You frowned “Can’t they let you continue the next day or something?”

 “That’s totally my decision, y/n” He chuckled “They’re not forcing me to do whatever. I just prefer to get everything done on the same day so when I go through it again the next day, I can cut and edit some things that I end up not liking”

 “Can you try to cut down the staying up till 4/5am, though?” You asked softly “It’s not good for your health, Con. You know that, right?”

 Here’s the thing. Everyone who knew you or Connor separately knew you both weren’t in a relationship from the way you talked about each other. But they also knew that didn’t necessarily mean that you were single. After that night in Grand Rapids, you and Connor texted and FaceTime each other almost every day. You two got to know each other better and discovered habits of one another, and may have developed feelings for each other in that process.

 Crazy huh? To be liking someone you’ve only met once? But to y/n and Connor, it was different. It already seemed like they were together and were in a long-distance relationship because neither party went on dates after that night.

 You could say they were taken by each other without actually putting a label on their relationship.

 “I’ll try” Connor promised.

 And at that moment, when Connor was looking at you up-close, instead of behind his laptop screen; seeing that beautiful smile on your face in real life gave him the courage to speak up “Can….,” He swallowed his saliva and nervously continued “Can I kiss you?”

 You nodded shyly as he leaned in closer to you and you mirrored his actions; feeling his nose bumped yours slightly before you felt his lips pressed against yours softly.

 You’ve had your fair shares of kisses but damn. Connor was one heck of a good kisser.

 It feels like everything has stopped and while you could hear kids laughing and running around in the background, it felt like it was just you and Connor in the world.

 You rest your hand on his cheek after as he rests his forehead against yours. Connor’s hand was on your clothed thigh, rubbing small circles on the fabric of your pants.

 You bite your lower lip, a smile forming on your face as you stared into his eyes “Wow”

 Connor laughs softly and nodded in agreement “Wow indeed”

 “I really like you, y/n” He added “I’m crazy for you and I’d really like it if you would be my girlfriend”

 “Con,” You frowned slightly “How do we make it work? You’re busy traveling the world and I’m here in Detroit”

 “We can figure it out later, y/n” Connor said reassuringly “All I know is that I don’t want this with anyone else and I knew that instantly from the day we met”

 “It’s fate, isn’t it?” He continued when you didn’t say anything “It sounds unrealistic to believe how we met but I can’t deny there’s something going on between us”

 Connor laced his fingers through yours, “We have something special… And I don’t want to lose it before we even give it a try” He said softly.

 He’s right and you know it. You didn’t want to lose whatever it is that’s going on between you two.

 “Okay”

 He looked at you for clarification “Okay?”

 You smiled, bringing your intertwined hands up to your lip and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckle “Okay, I’ll be your girlfriend”

[izayoichan]

Rylan takes Lobo with him, calling his dad, asking him to come pick him up and help him get some gifts, looking at Lobo with a smile. 

“According to dad, your kind likes this way of travel, hopefully, he is right”

River, on the other hand, does like Rylan told him, and messages his mom while he waits for the train. She calls him, which means he gets around 15 minutes of his mom yelling at him over him sneaking out and disobeying her. Once she gets tired of yelling he finally speaks. 

“Can I still spend Christmas with my boyfriend or am I grounded?”

There is a complaint on the other side followed by a fairly unhappy: 

“Okay, you can” “Thanks... My train has arrived, I'll call you later.”

Hanging up his phone, he hurries so he catches the train, finding a seat by the window, waiting for it to take him where he wants to be. 

“Okay, that's all of it.”

He smiles at his dad, the three off them vanishing and reappearing outside his home.

“Just need to wrap it all, come on Lobo, you'll have to be introduced to the house overlord.”

Chuckles, taking the large dog with him to introduce him to Felix, hoping the two off them will get along. 

River sighs his train stopped in Windenburg due to their being reindeer on the tracks, stressing slightly as it means that he might not make it. Taking up his phone, quickly messaging Rylan.

“Train is delayed, stuck in Windenburg. But I'll be there in time for dinner, maybe? Do you guys celebrate Christmas eve or just Christmas day? I never get that.”

Rylan looks at the message, having an idea, messaging him quickly while at the same time walking to see if he can find the person who would need to agree to do it. 

“I can ask if Hayle can pick you up if you want, travel by dragon flight? Oh and a bit of both, but mostly tonight with opening gifts and such..” “That would be awesome! Just try not to scare the train driver.”

Erased the part of the message where he complained about having already spent the rest of his savings on the train ticket before he sends the message, getting off the train quickly. Walking up to his dad, he notices Felix sitting there with him. 

“Hey dad, could you do me a favor and pick up River in Windenburg? The train is stuck there, something about reindeer on the tracks.”

He notices Felix come walking, looking at Lobo, then ignoring Lobo

“Well.. that went decently.” 

He lets Lobo off the leash so he can wander around the house getting to know it. Felix following him around as if making sure he doesn’t do anything bad. 

“Oh, sure. He would just have to find somewhere a bit hidden, then I'll find him.” "Thanks, I don't quite want the reaper portal thing to be sprung on him just yet.”

Picks up his phone and messages him.

“My dad is on his way, just find somewhere a little hidden and he will be able to find you, sorry I didn't suggest it earlier, not quite used to my dad letting anyone but us on his back.”

“Okay, on the alleyway next to the station.” “He should be there in no time, so see you soon.“

Waves at his dad as he flies off, knowing he doesn’t really use much time when he has no passengers. River sits on a box waiting, playing games on his phone when he is suddenly interrupted by a police officer. 

“Hey kid, what are doing back here?”

River looks at the man and gets up, cursing under his breath, this was really not what he needed right now. 

“Huh... waiting for my friend." “Back here? What's in the bag."

He takes out the package and shows him, internally begging for Hayle to show up, knowing just how this normally ends. Hayle flying quite high above, finding River simply by his smell, noticing someone else there with him landing out of sight, and for the first time in more years than he can remember, changes into his fully human form.

“Ah, there you are River, sorry it took so in that last store, and they still did not have it...”

He smiles at River and the police officers.

“Perfect, I see you at least got your’s that's good.”

He looks at the police officer.

“Is there a problem?” " Mister Hayle?...”

He is at first surprised to see him without his horns, or scales then rushes to him past the police officer

“Sorry, just wondering what a child was doing alone in the alleyway. Good to see you have adult supervision, no need to take you to the station, I will, however, still want to see that package!”

Holds out his hand for the package

“Come on, it's wrapped! I had...”

starts becoming honestly distressed, as he looks for the receipt.

“See, I bought it today, it's a DnD set it's for boyfriend I” “I need to check it for drugs... “

Takes the package from his hands and rips the wrapping off then shakes the DnD box in front of them, almost as if mocking them. River looking on horrified, magical energy starts lifting up, becoming clearer he is going to zap the officer.

Hayle shakes his head, noticing the magical surge in River as the police officer keeps acting like a douche, putting a hand on Rivers's shoulder. His magic suddenly dissipating, Hayle's magic field nulling his. 

“So let me get this right, you are accusing my son's boyfriend of having drugs in a D&D box... am I understanding this right? If I am, I would like your name, your badge number, and the name of your superior officer so I can make an official complaint about your behavior.”

Although his voice is calm, there is something about him, in general, that would make almost anyone's skin crawl slightly. 

“So, I suggest you give that back, and walk away, or I can promise you this won't end well for you.”

The police officer flinches standing back, suddenly immensely frightened by the man in front of him. Quickly shoves the box back into River's hands.

“Sorry, sir! No need for that! It won't happen again!”

He walks away very quickly leaving the two behind, River just staring at the box and knees down picking the ruined wrapping and ribbon he had so much work making perfect his body starts trembling like he's about to cry. Hayle kneeling down putting an arm around him. 

“Hey, it's okay, we can stop by somewhere and get new paper and a ribbon. I'm sorry I wasn't here faster, I thought people like him only existed in movies my husband has made me watch.”

River holds his breath and gets up, clearly holding back the tears.

“I-its okay... “

Puts the box inside the bag alongside the ruined ribbon and sighs

“I... I don't want to be a bother. I already made you take human form and... Calm my magic I don't want to bother further.” “You are not a bother River, and it's kinda nice to take the full human look on occasion.

Put’s his arm around River's shoulders.

“So, where do we get paper and ribbon, want to go to another town maybe, or should we mock the policeman by getting it here? 

smiles gently at him, hoping to undo what that asshat has done. A part of him still wanting to scare the hell out of him before leaving, knowing his dragon form would do just that. He also knows what his husband would think off it if he did.

River looks up at him and smiles nodding.

“There must be some store nearby with wrapping paper. If no, I can always use a newspaper sheet. Won't look as fancy as the paper that that idiot ruined but... Or just a pretty Christmas bag, that can work too.” “Well come on, let's see what we can find, who knows, maybe we can find something randomly extra for my husband, to actually surprise him. He is horrible with gifts, he always finds them and manages to guess what is in them.”

Pulls River with him out into the street, looking around, noticing what he guesses is some sort of book store. 

“Ah, there, they have to have stuff like that there.”

Vy sits close to the window looking outside to the snow, licking his lips in anticipation of the tasty treats to come.

“Ice in cakes? Is it good?”  “Yeah, it's macaroon, small flat cakes, with icecream slices in the middle, you can try one if you want?”

Looks at Vy, letting his mind wander slightly, the many what if's that he keeps asking himself playing on his mind.

“Can I?”

He looks at the food that gets delivered as they talk, then picks one macaroon up and smells it with curiosity, finally takes a bite, taking in the taste, let's go of a small chirp. 

“Tasty! I like it!”

Hayden chuckles, just watching Vy taste the cookies.

“It's fascinating how they can make them, warm cookies, cold ice cream. Now, you need to taste your cake. Oh and the coffee!”

Vy licks his fingers to get all the sugary goodness of the macaroon and nods

“Do you want to... oh... it's true, warm... They need to make a pistachio ice cream cake! That way the two of us can eat it because it's cold! Though, I like these macaroons”

Grabs his cake slice and coffee, and takes a bite of cake, chirps louder, making people look around for a bird. Covers mouth giggling.

“Sorry, just! gooood!”

Hayden chuckles as people turn their heads looking for a random bird in the cold. “Hmh... well you know they do make things if you ask. We should ask, so we can share someday. And I can eat cake, even if it's not cold, just not warm coffee.”

He smiles honestly just enjoying watching Vy be happy and enjoying the cake and for at least a short while, not worrying about the people around him. Vy smiling at him, actually glowing green as he takes a piece of cake and holds it out for Hayden.

“Try!” “ Wow... that is really sweet, but still good”

finding himself chewing on the many layers of taste from the cake, the frosting and everything surprising him along the way. Vy nodding eating a bit more and drinking the coffee

“It is very nice here. Cozy and nice! Thank you for bringing me here! How much is the cake?” “Ehm... I didn't really check, why? You want one more?” “We could take some for your parents and Rylan but I don't know if I have enough.” “Oh... how about we just buy a cake and share it after dinner? We could split the cost, or I can just pay for it?”

He notices Vy looking through his money, figuring he might not have enough money Vy looking up at him and nods happily.

“Yes! But... I only have... 5 simoleons...I need to make new trinkets to sell in caster's alley.” “Hmh.. how about we get a cake, you pay five simoleons I pay whatever is left, then it's from both of us right? I think they would love to have that as a surprise.”

“ Okay. I pay 5!” “Okay, I'll go order one, and we can finish our tasty treats while they pack it and make it ready? If you are okay to sit here for just a little while I order?”

He did notice how he shrank a bit when they entered, not wanting to just leave him there if he didn't feel safe.

🎶

Beginning - Previous - Next

[my-love-peterp]

Mistaken Chapter Three

Word Count: 2807 THERE ARE NO ENDGAME SPOILERS, THIS IS A DELAYED UPLOAD FROM AO3

Fic Summary: Peter Parker has been given the responsibility of bringing in a new recruit. Now, as an adult, he realizes that none of the trashy YA novels he read in high school could have prepared him for this. There was a storm on the horizon, and all they could do from the Tower is watch.

Chapter Summary: So we’ve got a little of Peter’s point of view to start the chapter off, might be a little OOC but I figure he’s probably changed a lot, post-Infinity War. Also more smut, but not the healthy or fluffy kind, just two broken people being broken. ALSO after this chapter, it’s going to start diverging from my AO3 fic because now I can introduce Carol Danvers. 

Warnings: language, underage (barely) drinking, smutty smut, mentions of the snappening, again NO ENDGAME SPOILERS

Chapter One  Chapter Two

Peter had never seen anything like her.

Over the past week, he’d been in the room for every moment of Kaida’s introduction to the team and her new life.

On that first day, after seeing her all but naked and needing to quickly run for a quick shower before training started, he’d gotten to see her in action.

There was no taking it easy or soft starts for new Avengers. They started with a brisk 10k, after which it didn’t even look like she had broken a sweat.

Then she’d been pushed in his direction. This was a routine Peter had become accustomed to by now, with a few new recruits filling up the roster, primarily temporary placements by SHIELD as they recruited enhanced individuals. Peter was the first line of hand to hand combat examination because while he wasn’t overly skilled, he was obviously extremely agile and very strong.

Kaida cocked her head at him and cracked her knuckles. “Give it all you’ve got Bug Boy, I’m not holding back.”

She and Peter had circled each other for a few seconds before she lunged, aiming a blow at his face that, unfortunately for him, was a ruse to get him to block upward, leaving his sides unprotected. With a quick jab to his kidneys, he grunted and instinctively bent over, nearly face planting with a strangled screech as Kaida then swept his legs out from under him.

He rolled over and she was immediately on top of him, pinning him down. “Easy as pie,” she crowed in his face, taunting him with a wink. Angry that he’d been made a fool of so easily by this girl, he channeled all his strength into flipping over her over and pinning her down on the mat. She grunted and struggled, but Peter’s hands were like iron, easily encircling both wrists and caging her hips in with his knees. His grasp was inescapable. But Peter, it seemed, could only make mistakes around this girl.

Fire flaring in his eyes, he bent his head to whisper in her ear, “It doesn’t pay to be cocky Kai, now who’s big and bad?”

Her breath caught for a second as she tensed below him, and a moment later Peter was tossed into the air, screaming as Kai had managed to open her palm and blast him up and away from her.

“Not cool, Kai. You know that powers are off limits,” Peter croaked indignantly. The other, observing Avengers cackled at Pete’s distress, even Natasha looked slightly impressed.

“Still me, it would seem,” she said, answering his goaded remarks and popping right to her feet and turning on her heel and walking towards the rest of the team that had decided to come in and spectate that morning.

Perhaps not so strangely, Peter noted, only Mr. Stark was missing.

It was then unanimously decided that her next test would be facing Natasha in hand to hand combat. He thought he couldn’t be more impressed or dumbfounded by this woman, but as the day progressed, Peter almost had to pinch himself. She matched Natasha jab for jab, move for move like it was as easy as breathing to her. “Holy shit,” he heard Clint mutter next to him.

“Wait, you mean we didn’t know she could… well, do that?” Peter gestured helplessly towards the Master Assassin and the twenty-year-old runaway who was proving to be her match in every way.

“No kid, we had no idea. We don’t know shit about her. Not even Fury does, despite our digging and searching. She’s essentially a ghost. But we figured… Well, after she stopped that school building from collapsing a few weeks ago until all the kids got out, we figured she couldn’t really be a threat. After all, it put her on our radar in a big way. An enemy operative would have known better, acted differently…”

Clint’s explanation petered off into silent awe as he saw Natasha, the Black Widow tap out, calling a cease-fire, if not surrender. No one had ever seen that. No one had ever done that without extensive training over the years. But this spitfire who ran away with a suitcase full of books and apparently sleeps with billionaires… She could.

“If you all are done staring,” Nat snapped them all out of their shocked stupor, “I believe we all have the training to do. Kaida, Banner wants you in the lab next. F.R.I.D.A.Y. will show you the way.

“Actually, Nat, I’m supposed to head up to the lab anyway, we’re working on testing the exact trigger to my Spidey senses, so I can just show her the way.” Natasha just inclined her head in an obvious dismissal so he took off jogging after the rapidly disappearing figure.

He skidded to a halt next to her. “Who are you?” He asked without hesitation.

“That seems to be the question of the day, isn’t it Peter. But I came here under the agreement that my past didn’t matter and I don’t intend to hash that out with anyone, least of all you,” she huffed and just kept walking.

“But, how did you get your abilities? Like, I was bitten by a radioactive spider. Wanda was experimented on with the Mind Stone and well… everyone knows Captain’s story…” Peter again trailed off after he realized, belatedly, that she had frozen and begun panting and trembling like a leaf.

Peter recognized this, understood what the clenched jaw and wildly roaming eyes meant. Something he said had triggered a panic attack, but he just wasn’t sure what. But then, as though it wasn’t a big deal, her mask of calm indifference slipped back over her features and she resumed walking.

“Just shut up Buggy. And if you mentioned what just happened to anyone, I will not hesitate to relentlessly humiliate you with all the weird shit you keep in your room and write in your diaries.”

“Ex-excuse me?!” Peter cried out. “Who the fuck let you into my rooms?”

“No one, Peter. Unless you count me. Good luck getting your friend Ned laid though, it sounds like it’s been an exhaustive search so far. You’re a good friend. When you’re not being a huge idiot.”

Peter didn’t know what to say to that so he just kept leading her to the lab.

A few hours later in the lab with Bruce and Tony. 

“How did you say you came to have powers again?” Dr. Bruce Banner spluttered as he reread the data from his most recent blood and DNA tests.

“Uh… I didn’t but, I’ve always had them, at least for as long as I can remember. My parents never mentioned anything. My sister wasn’t gifted either. Which would make one think we weren’t really sisters, but we’re identical twins so it’s hard to miss the relation, but you know how it is these days-.”

“Excuse me, what did you just say?” I jerked in surprise as I heard none other than Tony Stark speak from the doorway which was directly behind me.

“Uh, I was just going to comment on the state of truth and relevance in modern-day America… something tells me that’s not what you’re talking about though. My twin sister, Nadia, she never had any gifts. At least, none that were overtly obvious. But we did have this strange connection, mentally. We could feel each other.

Thoughts and emotions, even pain sometimes.”

“And where is she now, your sister,” Bruce asked after a moment of stunned silence. My expression must have told them everything they needed to know because no one pressed it further.

“Let me see the charts, Banner. What do you see in there?” Wordlessly Banner handed Tony the papers he held in his hand, which Tony grudgingly accepted, despite his disgust at being handed literally anything.

“Well kid,” he said after a moment, “It doesn’t appear that you’re entirely… human. I’m not sure what you are but it’s absolutely not solely human.

Instead of the spluttering and probably generally overexcited reactions that he had anticipated from me, I just looked up and into his eyes before smirking and remarking that “you certainly weren’t calling me ‘kid’ last night.”

Bruce choked on his coffee, again, receiving what I could only imagine to be a terrifying death glare from Tony. He then shortly excused himself.

“So Stark, how’s it feel to know you’ve fucked an alien?” My eyes raked up and down his form, decidedly provocative.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you it’s not a good idea to poke the bear in the room,” he asked, hardly looking up from her chart. He was treating her flippantly, almost distantly. And that simply wouldn’t stand.

“You know, Mr. Stark, I could think of some other… ‘endurance tests’, if you will, that we could perform right here. In the name of science, of course,” I purred as I slipped down on to my knees in front of him.

He certainly didn’t stop me as I peeled down the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers, half-hard cock coming back to life.

I could tell when he was getting close, but instead of letting me finish him off and cumming down my throat, he pulled me up and bent me over the cold, metal work table and set to work taking off my leggings before slipping up and inside of me without any resistance.

“God Kaida, so tight and wet. And all for me.” It wasn’t but I wasn’t about to correct him as he pounded into me from behind, grabbing me by the hair and yanking my head back so he could lean forward and kiss along my neck. The tiny sensation of pain sent bolts of pleasure through my core and seconds later I was coming undone. But Tony, it seemed, was far from finished with me. He picked me up and pressed my back into one of the support pillars in the lab.

Unfortunately for him, the lab door was still open, which we both had been too oblivious to rectify. A slight shriek and a clatter had Tony looking up and over my shoulder as I twisted around to see the commotion. Rhodey, Steve and Peter were standing in the doorway, holding five coffees between the three of them. Six if you counted the one now spilled all over the floor.

Rhodey looked exasperated but not surprised, Peter looked like a nun who had mistakenly found herself in an adult toy store. Steve, well, Steve was unreadable to me. The stoic faced super soldier never dropped his gaze and gave nothing away.

Instead of pulling away or, I don’t know, stopping anything that he was doing, Tony continued to shallowly thrust into me and circle my clit with his thumb as he winked before glancing back towards the doorway.

“Boys, if you could give us a moment, we have a bit of an… well a test of endurance of sorts and we’d hate for the evidence to be skewed by outside forces,” he jested before commanding F.R.I.D.A.Y. to close the door to the lab and tint all windows to shutter us in privacy again.

“I can’t believe Steve-fucking-Rogers just saw me getting fucked,” I muttered as Tony repositioned himself and began to languidly stroke in and out of me.

“I can’t believe he looked like he wanted to join.”

My heart stuttered and was heard on the monitor. Tony simply took that as a cue to blow my back out.

As I came around him for the third time in the lab, he simply leaned down and whispered something along the lines of him being the only one who could fuck me like I needed to be fucked.

I was too tired and limp from pleasure to argue with him.

“So, uh, not to sound ungrateful but what exactly am I even doing here?” I asked Tony as he fastened his belt buckle as I reclined on the hospital-esque bed the doctor had used when drawing my blood and taking tissue samples.

“Recalibrating after being worked over by an expert, I’d imagine,” came Stark’s snarky reply. I, honestly, don’t know why I expected a serious answer.

“You sure like to stroke your own ego, old man,” I fired right back, bringing my arms behind my head to lounge while he typed away and entered various data points onto his monitor. “No, seriously, why am I here doing all this,” I gestured to the room and testing sites but really meaning my entire presence amongst internationally-known superheroes. “How’d you even find me in the first place? It’s not like I was stopping buses or crashing planes like Bug Boy. I just…”

“You and me both, kid. But as for finding you, social media is a terrible curse and a blessing in disguise. You’ve gained quite a reputation just from your small deeds, but really what set it off was the sch-.“

“The school,” I finished with a groan, letting my head bounce back as I covered my face with my hands, massaging my temple. “You try to do one good thing and then all of a sudden, you’re expected to continually prevent everyday tragedies. All I wanted to do was go home after my shift at work.”

“Yeah explain that one to me, bucko. You’re just heading to fuck off when you hear sirens and kids screaming and decide for the first time, to actually really use your powers. Why?”

The answer was simple, actually. The kids I could hear were the same age as my nephew would be wherever he was now. So I’d tossed up my hood and prevented a burning building from collapsing on top of a bunch of innocent kids. And of course, the press had a field day with that.

But I wasn’t about to tell Tony any of that. Ever.

“Fine, don’t say anything. But that’s why. You showed you had the capacity for good in a big way. And to be honest, we wanted to snatch you up before SHIELD or worse could come creeping in and saddle you up with them.”

More silence. Then, a timid knock on the door. F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced that it was Captain Rogers who waited on the other side of the door and Tony muttered his command to open the doors up.

He didn’t even lower his gaze or blush as he took both Tony and I in. Instead, he stared me down, eyes boring into mine until I was forced to look down and examine his thin, gray cotton tee that hugged his pecs so tight it left nothing to the imagination. I felt blood rush to my face and the tips of my ears burn.

So much for the prim, proper and prude Captain the media marketed him as. I suppose recent events forced everyone to change. There was no such thing as innocence anymore. Not really.

Cap’s burning gaze finally left mine, turning on Tony instead. Walking to my side, he handed me a cup full of the richest Americano I’d ever smelled. It was exactly what I needed at that moment.

Without turning to glance back at me as he handed Tony his own cup, he murmured, “mind giving us some time alone, Kaida? There are a few things we’ve been needing to discuss.

I just nodded and slid off the bed, sweatpants bunching up around my waist. I had no intention of actually leaving though.

As I walked through the door and a few steps down the hall, I waited two seconds before becoming a shadowy puddle and gliding along the side of the hallway that held the still open door to the lab. Moments later, Steve poked his head out and around, checking to make sure the floor was clear before pulling the door closed behind him. Like doors had ever stopped me before.

“So Cap, what’s got your Star Spangled panties in a twist this time?” Tony jabbed without hesitation.

Steve tensed his shoulders, letting out a rough, almost anxious sigh. “When are you going to own up to your grief and stop being such a slut, Tony? It’s been almost a year now since Pepper died. You’re compromising yourself, you know this. You know, it is so like you to start banging the first new female recruit we’ve had in years. Is that why you pushed so hard to bring her in? Just to chase some new tail?!”

Honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the answer was ‘yes’. Seemed like a Stark thing to do. And in a weird, twisted way, I got it. Sort of.

“You know what, this conversation is over. Just because you haven’t been laid in over 70 years doesn’t mean you get to pull the morality card. No, Capsicle, I think we’re done here. F.R.I.D.A.Y. lock up the lab after Rogers and I. I’m going out.”

[blessed-but-distressed]

This is a thing that I wrote a long time ago.

It isn’t fanfiction. It’s just fiction. 

I will be posting here until I think of what to do with it.

FERNWEH

 When Becca decides to shake off those shackles and get the hell outta Dodge, she doesn’t have many regrets. She won’t miss those late nights folding baby clothes at her local All Baby Needs SuperStore. She won’t miss her distant parents or her uninspiring classes for her useless degree. The only person she will miss is Jack.

Jack is stuck in the post-university, pre-real job wasteland of delayed adolescence. He doesn’t know if he is a socialist, or an anarchist, or just reads too many books. He stacks vegetables, he haunts libraries and he chases girls. But now his best friend is leaving town, and he doesn’t know if he can handle being left behind.

A story about growing up, leaving home, staying behind, sad bastard music and the people who make everything bearable.

Chapter One: 

Becca

Truthfully, I can handle all of it. The cloying stench of mouldy socks and clove cigarettes. The scratchy, standard-issue woollen blanket that wasn’t quite enough to wade off the night-time chill. The oddly masculine snoring that would make any trucker proud. The clanking of pipes in the wall beside my bed that had me sat bolt upright on my first night, half convinced the ghost of Jacob Marley was coming for me, dragging the chains he’d forged in life. All of this didn’t bother me. Not really. But the weeping. I couldn’t handle the fucking weeping.

I’d been sharing a room in Berlin’s cheapest youth hostel for a week with Ilonka, from Hungary. Ilonka the weeper. And we aren’t talking about girlish sobs here, with intermittent hiccups. Oh no. Not Ilonka. Beautiful, heartbroken, weeping Ilonka. She didn’t do anything by half measures.

She’d told me her life story on the first night, over a Midori and lemonade in the bar downstairs. I was quickly coming to the realisation that this was how it was done. Nothing in Backpacker World got done without a bit of Dutch courage.

Ilonka’s story was that she’d come to Berlin to intern at one of those ridiculously trendy, ridiculously contemporary art galleries in Kreuzberg. Which made sense. With her extensive collection of very cute multi-coloured berets, long, lean legs encased habitually in skinny jeans, and her Franka Potente in Run Lola Run hair, she certainly looked the part. She made me feel inadequate every time she entered a room, and I was convinced that was at least half of what contemporary art was all about.

Which is why it was so disconcerting when halfway through her third Midori and lemonade, big fat tears began to slip down her perfect, Eastern European face, and into her drink, which she continued to sip through her straw, unperturbed. Then, without much warning, she keeled forward, and a high-pitched noise of distress began to rise from the back of her throat, not unlike that of an ambulance leaving the scene of an accident. The barman, cute and Irish though he may have been, gave us that ‘You’d better clear the fuck out’ look perfected by cute Irish bartenders the world over, and I bundled her upstairs before he summoned over the bouncer, who was significantly more intimidating.

Once I’d gotten her settled on her twin bed, she pulled herself together enough to relate to me the rest of the story. On her third week into her internship, she’d rung up her boyfriend, Kolos, back home in Budapest, and her best friend had answered the phone. Turns out they’d been screwing around behind her back for the last six months, and they had used Ilonka’s absence to move in together. Which you have to give points for, if only for the sheer brazen cowardice of it all. Were they going to keep up the charade until it came time to ask her to be the Maid of Honour at their wedding?

Ilonka was a wreck. She’d keep it together all day, every day at work, but as soon as she got back into the room she would just lie on her bed, crying inconsolably for hours, until she eventually, mercifully, fell asleep. If she wasn’t weeping, she was sitting on the window sill, where she had pried the window open, and was smoking her favourite clove cigarettes in flagrant disregard of our dorm’s no smoking policy, and my (fabricated) assertions that I was an asthmatic. She’d hold her cigarette in one hand and her mobile phone in the other, and yell obscenities in Hungarian to whoever was on the other end, in between puffs. I don’t speak a lick of Hungarian, but you can always tell an obscenity, no matter the language. It’s about the force behind the delivery. The venom behind the words.

The hostel had been chosen for its location, just off the Ku'damm, not for its internal décor or sterling customer service record. Which is just as well, because I’d been in cancer wards with more cheer; the grey-speckled institutional style walls hinting at the building’s previous life as an insane asylum perhaps, or at the very least a reform school. My polite request to move to a different room had been met with a coolly raised eyebrow, and an unconvincing promise that they’d see what they could do.

It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my first foray into the world of international travel. But it certainly made for interesting anecdotes for my emails sent back home.

I’d say things were going much better for me outside of the hostel, but that was a matter of some debate.

A few months back, embittered by my slow slide from promising Journalism student to person-who-straightens-cans-of-baby-food-in-a-budget-department-store-for-a-living, I’d stayed up until four in the morning one night, researching methods of escaping the monotonous retail hell that my life had become.

My unlikely salvation was with a company that would pay for me to fly to Germany to work as an Au Pair for a year. They’d even put me up in Berlin for a month, so I could brush up on the language, before they dispatched me to the family they would pair me with. All of those weekend evenings spent wrangling my neighbour’s kids to bed when I was sixteen had suddenly come in handy, and I had signed on the dotted line.

Of course, when I say “brush up on the language”, I mean learn from scratch. Of course. German had never been an elective at high school. I’d learnt Italian, although that data had almost been completely rewritten in my mind, replaced with an intricate knowledge of song lyrics by a particular favourite band of mine, who specialised in what my friend Jack liked to call “Sad Bastard Music.”

The total sum of my German language proficiency before my departure had been restricted to numbers one through ten, hello, good bye, thank you, and handful of random phrases one picks up after a lifetime of watching World War Two dramas, none of which were suitable for polite company. My knowledge of German culture was mostly restricted to a general appreciation for Daniel Brühl’s face, and a vague recollection of having read Faust when I was fourteen.

It was not until I took a seat on the first day of classes, that I realised what a grave mistake I had made. There was no way I would be able to wrangle children, even relatively small, uncomplicated ones, in four weeks time, with absolutely zero grasp on the language. It was impossible. Unfathomable.

Our teacher was a jovial fellow called Hans-Peter. He had the kind of white bushy moustache and knitted jumpers which made him look rather like a benevolent tug-boat captain, and kind eyes that encouraged students to take risks where they might otherwise have kept silent. He was a good teacher. I could tell. But there was no way in hell he was going to make me semi-fluent within a month.

Every classroom in the language school was named after a particular river in Germany. Our classroom, Donau, which I later discovered was the German word for the Danube, was right at the top of three dizzyingly uneven flights of stairs, in a converted attic where every inch of wall space was dedicated to laminated charts depicting a different German verb, and its various forms. It also had a broken radiator, which Hans-Peter would kick good-naturedly every morning when it failed to break the chill, before instructing us to keep our gloves on.

That’s the first useful German phrase I learn.

“Handschuhe auf!“ Gloves on.

The second:

“Jacken auf!“ Jackets on.

I’d always had a natural talent for scholastic endeavours. Which is to say, I’d really crashed and burned at university when I’d gotten through twelve years of schooling without really trying too hard, to find I actually had no idea how to study. But I’d always managed to scrape by on natural ability. I had no natural ability when it came to German. I was a babe in the woods. And I definitely needed to study.

Being in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language is a little like being a newborn lamb. You stumble a lot, and you’re vulnerable as hell, but everyone finds you pretty damn adorable anyway, for the most part. But for someone who has always been really good at things, it is the ultimate exercise in humility. Suddenly, you’re unable to do even the most simplest of things. Order a coffee. Ask for directions. Make an effusive apology to the angry looking guy you bump into on the train.

It had taken me five whole days to work up the necessary courage to approach even a McDonalds counter. I practiced the order in my head, as I waited in line.

“Ein Happy Meal, bitte.” One Happy Meal, please.

I didn’t think even I could fuck that up. I tried to anticipate what questions they would ask me, in which order. Would I like a toy? Would I like ketchup?

When they asked me if I wanted mayo or ketchup on my fries, the unexpected option made me answer in the affirmative, without specifying which I preferred, pissing off the harried-looking girl behind the counter in the process. I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment, and I backed away from the counter, waving my hands and butchering an apology in my pidgin German.

I never went back to that McDonalds.

Like a diamond in the rough, I found a T-Mobile payphone on my way back to the hostel and I fed about ten euro in change into the machine until it finally connected me to Jack’s mobile. It rang out, and went to voicemail, and instead of leaving a message, I hung up the receiver, and burst into angry, embarrassed tears. I didn’t get any change back, either.

Wiping my face clean with the sleeve of my coat, I hurried back to the hostel, before I could make an idiot of myself in some new way. Still hungry, I raided the vending machine in the lobby, and sat on my bed eating out-of-date chips until Ilonka had returned. She took one look at my tear-stained face and unsatisfying dinner and bundled me into my coat and took me out to an Irish Pub around the corner for a pint of Guinness and something called a Blarney Burger.

“It will not always be so,” she reminds me sagely, as she steals a chip from my plate. And for a little while there, Ilonka is my hero. When I grow up I want to be just like her. We sing Cranberries songs together, and make the acquaintance of some chipper blokes from County Clare who are, of course, enamoured with Ilonka’s ethereal Eastern European beauty, and keep us plied with enough black stuff that I quite forget about the dizzying regret that has been eating me away inside for days.

But later that night, the weeping starts again, and it chips away, slowly but steadily, at my newfound regard for her. I get up for class early the next morning, head still throbbing from the previous night’s excesses, and leave her a note on her bedside table.

“It will not always be so.”

[rent-a-bat]

Manners- Dick Grayson x Reader

A/N: This is a little something i was talking about a while ago, I’ve been working on it for sometime and asked who wanted to be tagged so, sorry for the delay, it took me a lot more to be a little free than I expected but, here it is. I really hope you like it @speedypan @jadedhillon @illeatyoursoulwithmustard

Words: 1367

Prompt: “You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee” AU. 

You looked at the clock impatient. 8:45, he’ll be here any minute, you thought as you prepared one of your regulars’ coffee, along with your “personal touch”, a drawing not so safe for work on his cup with no name, a little vengeance against this particular customer. Ever since the day you started working at one of Gotham’s busiest coffee shops there’s been one person who seemed to forget the simplest of decency, who never seemed to pay attention or even said a thank you, always in a hurry. You later learned from one of your coworkers that he was one of Wayne’s kids, a regular since the shop opened. One of the oldest workers said he’s got a rather important place at the company being the eldest. That explains it, you thought, rich kids always feel so important to even look at people like us.

He always came at the same time and had the same thing, 9 am and a latte, never looking at you and never saying a word, his face always glued to the phone. It didn’t matter at first, you could understand it, lives like those were demanding and required attention, sometimes it was too much to leave it but every single time he came was just too much for you to accept it.

A ding of the doorbell a minute past 9 announced his arrival. You watched as he came closer to the counter, his coffee ready and steaming hot on the counter and his eyes never leaving his phone. Jerk.  As he made his way you could notice the others stopping to look at him, even your colleagues left their work to stare, and you couldn’t blame them. He was well built, toned but not too much for it to show under the suit, just like an acrobat, his hair was raven black and he had the lightest brown tone on his skin, everything him just seemed to match, too bad you couldn’t see his face. You inhaled as he was finally in front of you, your eyes trying to catch a change from him that never came as he grabbed his cup.

Come-on!, you tried to will him with your mind, eyes rolling away from him. Just say something, and maybe I'll forget everything. Nothing.

“Dick….” You said under your breath, rolling your eyes and glaring at him.

“Yeah, what?” He asked, his voice startling you and his eyes finally looking up, catching your breath in the process and tainting your face red at the blueness of them. God, he was handsome, why are they always handsome.

“Wha-..., Your name i-….? Aah….” the color that raised a while ago left just as fast when you remembered the not so friendly thing you had just drawn on his cup. “Hey, uh…” you tried saying, hoping to keep the eye contact as much as possible and away from the cup. Too late, you regretted as his blue eyes moved from your face to the coffee he was holding

“Wait!” You screamed, taking your hand to your mouth barely realizing what you did, making you happy how empty the shop was today. You watched as his face changed into an assortment of expressions, eyes wide open and all with a common confusion at what he was looking.

“Umm…” he managed to say after a few seconds, his eyes moving along his hand as he examined your work of art. “I think I should just…”, he said, wrinkles forming on his forehead and pink coloring his cheeks. He raised his eyes to look at you once more, something behind them that you couldn't tell as he spoke once more, “Thank you.” And with that, he walked out.

You felt yourself about to pass out, head pulsing as thoughts flooded you. What had you just done? Did that really happened? Maybe you went too far, maybe he didn't deserve it, or did he? He had been a jerk all this time, felt too important, not even a look, a thank you, hell, he never even shook his head!, But maybe he just couldn't? Too much work and pressure, he was Wayne's kid after all.

The same train of thoughts followed you to the next day, not showing any signs of leaving, you looked absentmindedly at the floor, yesterday's events feeling like a bad movie that kept repeating itself over and over inside your mind. A ring took you away from your thoughts, you looked at the clock, heart racing as you noticed the hour, 9 o’clock. You dared looking at the front door and there he was, not a minute late, tailored suit, hair slicked back but no phone in his hands, his eyes occupied on something else this time, looking for yours until he found them, making you blush and look away, hiding behind the counter, lowering so low you were sitting on the ground.  What is he doing here!?, your head screamed at you as you heard him approach, panicking and lost as to what to do, seeing you were sure he’d never come back after what you did yesterday.

You were surprised by a coughing from behind, making you jump and letting out a little scream you were quick to hide, your face feeling hotter as you raised yourself to face him, feeling as all eyes were on you.

“Good morning sir, what...ah…, what can I help you with?”, You tried to say with your best company voice, careful not to let the trembling that was conquering your body show.

“Hey, umm…, guess I no longer need an introduction” he said, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I think I owe you an apology”

Your mouth almost fell to the floor. Was he apologizing? “What? No!”, you blurted out before thinking about it any more, hands waving in front of you as you spoke. “It should be me apologizing, I should have never done such thing in the first place”

“No. No, it's my fault, I guess I've been a jerk this past couple of months, so I'm sorry.”, his hands covering his face. “Ugh, you must think I'm just another entitled rich kid, huh?, He chuckled, a faint smile on his face and his hands dropping to his sides. “Looks like I've been living up to my name”

“Not entirely”, you said, seemingly having recovered your breath, “just slightly.” You gave him a smile, a tiny laugh escaping your lips as you looked at him

“Just slightly”, his eyes brightening up as he spoke, smile matching yours.

“Hey uhm, I was thinking if maybe…, if you’d like to go…? Out? With me…?” His voice seemed to tremble, hand returning to rub the back of his neck, and cheeks flushed red as he looked at you with hidden impatience. “I’d like to compensate for everything, and I’m finally done with work, so I was thinking maybe dinner tonight?” he said, eyes now pleading.

You tried to contain your laugh without success, his whole expression was too much for you to handle and you wanted nothing but end his plea.

After a little laugh you tried to disimulate, you finally answered, “I’d love to.”

“Really? I mean…, that’s great! Awesome.” He almost shouted, his face brightening up as he grinned at you, “so uhm, I’ll come for you after you finish, ah…”

“[Y/N] [L/N]” you said, extending your hand to greet him.

“Richard Grayson,” he said, taking your hand in his’, his hand warm against yours, “but you can call me Dick”, he finished with a wink that made your heart skip a beat.

“Well, I’ll leave you to work now”, a saddened tone in his voice and squeezing your hand slightly, as if not wanting to let go. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Can’t wait”, you said. He gave you a smile, the warmth of his hand leaving you as he moved towards the door, the bell at the top ringing as he exited.

And with that he left, leaving you waiting for tonight to come.

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

Fitz is still rubbing sleep out of his eyes when he walks into a kitchen and finds a man standing there trying to work the coffee maker. A man who is most definitely not his father because for one thing his father can't stand coffee and for another this man is tall, lanky and currently wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers.

It's difficult to say who is more upset about the moment unfolding in front of them.

"Um." Fitz is impressed that he's even managed to make a sound, especially when his mind doesn't seem to be interested in forming actual words.

The man is looking back at him, horrified, and seems to come to the realization that he's standing in the kitchen practically naked and neither of them are quite sure what to do with that information. "Your um," he clears his throat. "Your father said you were out for the night."

Fitz frowns. His father? Why is this man-

Oh God. This man is here because of his father; he's standing in the kitchen, mostly naked, trying to make coffee, because of his father. Fitz isn't sure that he can handle this information, it's just too much to process.

"I was?" Fitz says, furrowing his brow and finally looking away, studying the refrigerator. "Decided to come home after all."

Silence. Finally the man clears his throat. "Think you could help me figure out the coffee maker?"

Fitz shuffles over, trying to keep his eyes first on his feet and then on the coffee maker, which he manages to set to brewing pretty easily. The man is just standing there beside him, arms crossed over his bare chest. "I'm Holden," he says finally. "Holden Radcliffe."

"Fitz," he grumbles in response, taking a coffee mug from the cabinet and handing it over to Holden. "Here."

Holden calls out a thank you but Fitz is too busy beating a hasty retreat to really acknowledge it. He quickly returns to the sanctuary of his room, slamming the door shut. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Fitz just buries his face in his hands, unwilling to process what he's just witnessed. His father had another man over at the house last night and that man is currently making coffee in his kitchen and Jesus Fitz really wishes he'd stayed at Mack's last night like he'd originally planned.

Fitz grabs his phone, opens the group chat, deliberates for a minute before typing out a message: my dad had a guy over last night?

Hopefully, the worst part is over; he's acknowledged this, he's shared a very awkward encounter with the man and now he can move on with his life, carry on with the knowledge the worst is over and that he survived.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The worst is, of course, not over.

He comes home from school one day to find his father waiting for him in the kitchen. This, in itself, is terrifying. He and his father do their best to avoid one another, like the Earth and the moon, sharing an orbit but never actually touching or crossing paths. It works out better that way for both of them, even though his father has worked to change himself, his attitude, his relationship with his son. It's better than it was but Fitz is pretty sure the way to preserve this careful balance is to avoid too much interaction.

But Alistair is waiting for him, sitting at the kitchen table, waiting expectantly for Fitz to come down the hallway. Fitz hesitates, his backpack half off his shoulder, though he thinks about abandoning the bag and making a hasty retreat.

Alistair points to a chair before he can. "Sit." Fitz does and they stare each other, both seeming equally unsure of what's happening. Finally Alistair clears his throat. "You met Holden the other day."

It's been three days since Fitz woke up to find a strange man in his kitchen but this is the first time it's being brought up. Fitz kinda wishes that they'd just avoided the conversation all together. "Yes." He looks at his hands.

Alistair nods. "He's coming to dinner tonight," he informs Fitz gruffly. "I expect you to be there. And be presentable."

Fitz gapes at his father. "He's coming to dinner?" He questions, unable to hide his surprise. "Wait, why? What's going on?"

"Presentable," Alistair repeats instead of answering. "I want you to make a good impression."

Fitz quickly retreats to his bedroom once more. Again, he opens the group chat and quickly types out a message to his friends: I think my dad has a boyfriend?

Looking at the sentence doesn't exactly help it make any more sense.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Holden brings a bottle of wine and a plate of brownies. Fitz helps himself to one after dinner and after the first bite, he's certain that they came out of a box from the grocery store and Holden just arranged them on the plate. Something in his face must give his suspicions away because Holden looks at him and laughs, shaking his head. "Yeah, never been much of a cook," he says. "My daughter is the one who got the talent there."

Alistair pauses, his glass of wine halfway to his lips. "You have a daughter?"

Fitz looks between the two of them, suddenly filled with the impulse to be as far away from this conversation as possible.

Holden looks guilty, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. "I…yes. I suppose I should have mentioned her before, huh?" He gets no response but he smiles hopefully at Alistair. "She's adorable, you'd love her."

Fitz only looks at the man because does he not know his father? Clearly not, if he thinks that he could love someone else's daughter when he barely loves his own flesh and blood.

Holden doesn't seem to notice the look that Fitz is giving him. "She's away at boarding school most of the time," he continues. "Very intelligent. She rides horses."

Alistair only grunts, finishing his glass of wine. "Great," he grumbles. "Can't wait to meet her."

Now Fitz's incredulous expression is fixed on his own father. Did he just say that with passable sincerity? What is happening to the man? What type of parallel universe has he found himself in?

Obviously one that involves his father liking someone enough to want to bring him around the house more than once.

Fitz really wishes that he'd had one of the glasses of wine too.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later, Fitz comes home to find his father waiting at the kitchen table once more. It doesn't feel like an assumption to think that the topic of conversation will be Holden Radcliffe, given that's been the only reason Alistair has sat his son down for talks recently. Holden has been over twice more since the first dinner and both times have ended with Fitz locked in his bedroom with his headphones shoved far into his ears and his pillow over his face, desperate to smother himself and end his suffering.

"Holden's daughter is coming over for dinner tonight," Alistair tells him without preamble. "The living room needs vacuuming." His tone lets Fitz know this is more than just an observation, it's a command. "Wear something nice."

Fitz does as he's been instructed, tidying up the house and trying not to stare open-mouthed at the sight of his father in the kitchen trying to put something resembling a dinner together. He dresses in a collared shirt, trying to imagine sharing the evening not only with his father and Holden but with Holden's adorable, horseback riding moppet. Maybe his father's dinner will give him food poisoning and he can use that as an excuse to get out of hanging around for too long.

It's ten minutes past seven when the doorbell rings and Alistair sets down his drink to go answer it. Fitz is shocked when Alistair actually smiles when he opens the door, rather than launching into a rant about how Holden is ten minutes late.

"Sorry for the delay," Holden says, kissing Alistair quickly as he steps inside. "I had to pick Ophelia up and there was bloody traffic. Ophelia," he glances over his shoulder, "this is Alistair Fitz."

And Ophelia steps inside and Fitz can feel his mouth drop open. Because Ophelia is not an adorable, horseback riding moppet. She's a teenager in a pleated skirt and knee socks that make her look like she's all legs and even her blouse, the seal to her school embroidered on the pocket, looks amazing on her.

Fitz can only hope no one is paying him any attention because he can't take his eyes off her. Her long hair is tipped with red streaks and the smile that she gives Alistair as she shakes his hand is enough to make Fitz's stomach roll with jealousy.

And then Ophelia looks at him and Fitz shuts his mouth with an audible click and it really doesn't do much to make the situation better. "This," Holden continues, apparently unaware of the heat spreading through Fitz's cheeks, "is Alistair's son, Leo. He's about your age."

Ophelia steps up to him and holds out a hand. "You look surprised," she remarks and there's an underlying edge to her voice that immediately makes Fitz feel like there's some amusing joke going through her mind that he's not privy to. "Didn't my dad tell you I was coming?"

Fitz shakes her hand, too quickly and much too robotically. "Oh, yeah." He pulls his hand away before his palm starts to sweat. "He just…he made it seem like you were a little kid," he says and his embarrassment only increases because what kind of idiot is he? "He said you like to ride horses."

Ophelia tilts her head as she studies him. "There's no age limit on riding horses," she points out, that smile still in place. Only now Fitz has a feeling that he's the joke.

Holden comes to stand behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Ophelia rides at her boarding school," he says. "She's really quite good."

Ophelia smiles, pleased with the compliment, but her eyes are still on Fitz. "You should come watch me sometime."

Fitz nods because he doesn't know what else to do. The emblem on her blouse says St. Mary's School for Girls and he finds it fitting that Holden keeps her hidden away at a girls' boarding school; she'd probably kill the male population if she spent too much time among them.

Alistair and Holden go off into the kitchen to finish up with dinner and Ophelia sits on the ottoman and Fitz tries to focus on anything other than the sight of her legs, stretching out beneath her skirt and crossed at the ankle. He whacks his shin against the coffee table as he goes to sit down across from her on the couch. "So," he clears his throat. "Boarding school. You live there?"

Ophelia nods. "Most months," she tells him. Something clatters in the kitchen and she smiles, only this time she's looking at him like he's in on the joke. "Aren't they sweet?"

Fitz gives her an incredulous look. "Sweet?" He repeats. "My father? Have you met him?"

She shrugs. "He seems nice enough."

Fitz only shakes his head. "You haven't had to grow up with him," he mutters.

Once again Ophelia studies him, tilting her head slightly. "So, what was it like?" She asks. "Tell me everything; I want to know all about you." She leans forward slightly, playfully overexaggerating her rapt interest.

Of course, the position also gives Fitz a quick look down the front of her blouse and he looks away quickly, certain he's sealed his fate in spending his afterlife in Hell. "Oh, well," he clears his throat. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Idiot. He's about to end up in Hell much quicker than originally believed after he throws himself off a bridge for that comment.

But Ophelia laughs and it sounds sincere and Fitz is certain he's never heard such a sound. "I think I'm going to like you, Leo Fitz," she tells him sincerely.

Fitz nods because, yeah, he already likes her. And, if she thinks that he's actually amusing and someone worthwhile than maybe his father's foray into the dating world won't be so unbearable after all.

[nighttimeskels-blog]

(woops, i totally missed this in my notifications! making a new post for it to minimize post length. sorry about the delay, and thanks so much for thinking of me ^^ <3 )

Tagged by @patchedways​

Rules: Answer the questions and tag blogs you want to get to know better - and why not add a question?

Nicknames: online? Night or Skels, mostly!

Star sign: taurus

Height: 5′8″. tall of short, and short of tall, i’m afraid;;

Time right now: just after 10pm!

Last thing you googled: ... ahhh geez, i think lyrics to the song On the Rocks by Ken Ashcorp...?

Fave music artist: i cycle through music so much and listen to a lot of mixed playlists so... this one isn’t exactly easy to answer. genre-wise i really enjoy bluesy-jazz and swing, electroswing, pop/alt rock, a whole host of electronic genres including what is apparently called ‘chillstep’ and ‘chillhop’ (basically very atmospheric & often beat-driven ‘chill’ music), and to list some artists i always return to - Panic! at the Disco, Halsey, Fallout Boy (there i go dating myself, apparently), Oh Wonder, Ken Ashcorp, Karen Souza, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (...hush), Caro Emerald, The Raconteurs, The White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys, Woodkid, The xx, alt-J, The Glitch Mob...

... i’ll stop there, heh.

Song stuck in my head: actually, it’s instrumental - Marble Machine by Wintergatan - they literally made that machine. also, the song in the second trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, because of course.

Last movie I watched: The Protector, actually. Essentially, a movie with a terrible/almost nonexistent plot with bad transitions and acting, but the selling point is extreme martial artist Tony Jaa - because wow he is terrifyingly good. the movie is probably best known for this incredible uncut continuous-shot fight scene, and this ‘bone-breaking’ final fight scene.

Last tv show I watched: as a full episode? ahhh, that would probably be Last Week Tonight with John Oliver - though I may have watched an episode of that new dragon maid anime that is surprisingly and completely delightful and full of great humor.

What I’m wearing right now: a tanktop, leggings, and knee-high socks. pretty usual home-clothes for me, actually, though often plus a hoodie.

When I created this blog: this blog? .... hmm. about 10 months ago now, i believe! i realized around then that i wanted a sideblog for the ever-increasing amount of reblogs and the like i had for undertale alone. you can also find my art (largely undertale too) over at @nighttimepixels (though starting from just about 3 and a half months ago, it’s a new one).

The kind of stuff I post: here, it’s all undertale! and almost entirely sfw undertale, i should specify, though the occasional suggestive thing works it’s way in. honestly i’m full of sin, but i wanted this blog to be safe for anyone.

Do I get asks very often?: i could probably count on one hand for this blog, and not much more outside of that;;

Why did I choose my url: “nighttime” has been a consistent handle for me for a while now (it’s my favorite time period of any day, i’m effectively nocturnal on top of that thanks to insomnia, i love stars and space and the general peace and mystery and intrigue that may be interpreted... the list goes on), and i love skeletons - especially the skelebros. so... without too much fuss, i settled on “nighttimeskels.”

Gender: i’m a woman! she/her pronouns and all that jazz.

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff, probably fairly unsurprisingly.

Pokémon team: ... as in bad guys? then Team Skull, 100%.

Favorite colour?: ... another hard one. basically i love deep forest palettes and spacey/cosmic/nebula palettes the most.

Average hours of sleep: hahaha. over a day? maybe 5? i have insomnia so it’s not very... consecutive. i wake up a considerable amount and just lay in bed, attempting to rest and/or unable to really function well enough to get up. but there are occasional days where the exhaustion catches up to me and i’m able to get 8 or so.

Lucky number: i wouldn’t say i have one? though i tend to like the number 4 a lot. 

Favorite characters: surprising precisely no one, Sans and Papyrus, as well as Undyne, Mettaton, Gaster (though in honesty it’s mostly fan interpretations of him, but i adore even the mysterious ‘potential’ of canon Gaster), Toriel, Napstablook, Frisk, Chara, Muffet... basically any Undertale character, really; but outside of Undertale, i love the entire cast of Firefly, Ganondorf (especially later and/or sassy ones) from the Zelda games, the cast of Gravity Falls, the cast of Steven Universe (especially Garnet, Amethyst, Steven, Lapis, and Bismuth), damn near any character from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett, Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens, Guzma from Pokemon Sun/Moon, Bucky and Steve from the MCU/Captain America movies, Moana and Maui (and Tamatoa) from Moana, Nathan Drake from the Uncharted games, and my stars the list goes on. generally i have particular soft spots for characters with a tendency for wordplay & banter, sass, probably dark or troubled backgrounds, and redemption arcs. also characters who are kind and bright and warm by choice, even though they know the world well enough or have been through terrible things.

Drink of choice? non-alcoholic? then coffee, hands-down, particularly with almond milk and perhaps a hint of dark chocolate. alcoholic? depends on the day, but i do love: -Kentucky Sweet Teas (sweet tea with whiskey - and i add a splash of lemon) -a drink called a Vegan Yeti - essentially, almond or coconut milk, Kahlua, and a splash of vodka. (... i may have a high tolerance for alcohol, though i mostly just drink socially if/when i do.) -hard ciders -and really most mixed drinks that are sweet with a hint of a sour kick.

Dream job: truly? if i could make a living through storytelling, that would be my dream. i’m not looking to be rich, not by any means, i just would like to make enough to live probably with a dear friend or two as roommates, to pay off my debts, and to be able to regularly support other creators in their work. i just am passionate about storytelling in all its forms, in writing and art and games and the physical forms as well... all of it.

I tag: @joliemariella​, @edissero​, @its-captain-senpai​ (if you’re up to it), @darkcrystaldemon​, @charmingcreep​, @carmelwolf​, @lavender-sans​, ah.... honestly? anyone who’d like to do this! i’ve got a number of lovely followers here that i’d love to know better, though i always feel terribly awkward tagging people. no need to do it by any means, of course! and if you’d like to do it upon seeing this, feel free to tag me as having tagged you ^^

[driftwork]

appendix one - Late night in Shinkogu

We are in a cafe in Shinkogu , drinking bad tea and eating a bowl of ramen noodles, we were delaying heading back to the hotel. We were in Tokyo carrying out an audit job for london dirt.  We’ve met up with Paul whose birthday is tomorrow is making us wonder what the meaning was underlying what (ever) he was saying, he spoke surreally of what was making him happy. His latest ideology. A possible trip to Shanghai, a new systems job in New York. Behind him I watched a fly crawl down the wall it was hunting for the crumbs of food left by earlier customers. Food. A japanese blues band was playing, and singing in japanese 'you upsets me baby...' they were in love with her hair, her body, hit by falling trees, and a lovely bass line. We switch to drinking cappuccino with an [an an] extra shot. I restrain my desire to move. It’s difficult. The coffee arriving really helps.   We are talk about the repetitive nature of v-accelerationism and he speaks admiringly of british cyberneticians in chile, I tell him I prefer the Marxist ones - J.D. Bernal and the like to the cybernetic-liberals he's speaking of, she mentions waddington or is it eddington "Science! it is an attitude to the world a way of living. Tolerant, friendly and humane" and the cybernetic psychoanalysts who she occasionally uses in her practice.  We don't speak of science as occupying one of the poles of sovereignty, the stake of the spectacle drilled though the heart of Cartesian science, that broke (that) decades ago.  The liberal dreamers working in journalism and the humanities imagining the scientific world accelerates and evolves. We tell him about the audit job without telling him about the secrets we were carrying. The fly reaches a crumb of rice or something on the seat beside him.  Paul says we sound like members of a 4th International Trotskyist party.  She accuses him of maoist-accelerationism. It is raining outside and the refracted light arches across the wall, an arc of sprayed photons. The japanese band sings in a chorus "i been down hearted baby" initially in american and afterwards in japanese. Curiously waddington or eddington writing in 1941 believed in "the application of conscious control to the economic functioning of society," that scientific rationality should be sovereign,  now as Paul demonstrates by his existence that the aberration of allowing the unconscious desires of the spectacle to reigns supreme, this looks quite as sane as the photons cascading through the raindrops on the window striking the wall bouncing through my imperfect eyes, the distortion of the damaged retina causing the lines to warp in multiple directions. [...] Its here whilst we are laughing and eyeing the dessert menu on the wall above the counter that the western woman comes in, accompanied by a tall japanese man. She has a leather postal bag slung across her body. It contents sound metallic as she puts it on the chair next to her. They sit down facing one another across the table at the far end of the long communal table we are sitting at. A waiter miraculously appears, we had assumed it was counter service. The waiter bows carefully to them. They order some drinks and ohagi in multiple flavours. She looks at us and asks in an english accent and asks where we are from, Z points at paul, me and herself <US, eng;land and exile of poland> The lighting dims in the cafe pools of light now light the tables from golden retro multifilament lights hanging on black cables from the now dark ceiling. The man she is with gestures his thanks to the waiter who bows again. <ah yes, I am an exile from england to, I can never go back.> she smiles warmly at the man <we are stuck with one another.> The man says in halting english <as if you would leave even if you could...> He reaches out and takes a chocolate ohagi to eat. On the back of his hand a fragment of a tattoo can be seen.  <true, there are the children to think of...> A heavy gust of wind and rain strikes the windows. The waitress who is standing looking out the door and asks <should i take some tea to your driver ?> <That would be kind, Two teas and some of these> she said. <How long have you been living here>  Three years ago. She explained. I changed my name to Yotsume-Toji after a corporate war situation in which we were both involved in,  at the end  there were two equally  impossible options offered to a japanese yakuza woman which ended it. She could choose either either either exile or sacrifice,  because she chose exile, I, who was her <equivalent he interjected> substitute, bore the costs of the event, to sacrifice herself. She went with a man to live in London, whilst I stayed with a very different man Kenji (gesturing and bowing to him, he smiles warmly) in tokyo. I think I'm happier. Because I could never explain to the man I used to be with who and what I was, whereas now I can be honest and different [...] We talked about them for a few minutes, unable to decide what any of what she had said meant.  Meaning was a difficult problem in those days. The cafe was reconfiguring into its early morning mode the lights glow a rich yellow gold, the tables and chairs become gently inviting for the weary passersby. It will stay open until 2am or later whenever the last paying customer leaves.

The future at this time was still a draft form but it might mean something once the wreckage finally washes up on the shore. We three appeared in front of one another, cups and saucers, a glass bowl with pebbles from a beach, over the road a dark warehouse, in the continuation of an alliance that struggles against the emptiness that the city offered. Here we sat trying to fill the emptiness that threatened us. (hey sing in japanese "Ït's stormy monday, but tuesdays just as bad you know..." ) Trying to imagine a network of algorithms and intrigue that always exists when we come together and from which there is no escape. Can we pretend that we are friends ? Even as we three  will part company in a short time, heading off to our hotels and rooms,  taking letters from Martin which we will decode  along with the pictures that accompany them. When we get home autumn will begin and everyday life will start up again. Our investigations will intensify our longings for something different, we will voice our desires for a differently constructed reality,  putting some new life into the grey everydayness. The way that every potential situation creates a response that changes our desires, actions and representations clashing with emotions becoming entangled with the constructions.  What got left behind in that cafe in Shinkogu as we passed through along the line of flight of our lives...  These are the words for a person left behind after his death, somewhere near sydney he met a violent end. I remain a slightly sad orphan who remains weighed down by regrets and sadness. I try and give meaning and sense to something that is senseless,  musing on our last meeting before he met bullets travelling the other way. Nonetheless  I will remain here for a little while longer, slightly cold because the heating has switched itself off, sitting on a danish chair in an office on the first floor looking out at the greenness of an early spring. Whilst she is movin g around the house doing something, water flows into a sink, the feint noise of a household machine. The weather blowing in from the north(=)east.   The words are typed and  appear on the pages of a text... At around one am we leave wandering down the almost empty street, the sounds of early morning or late night Tokyo following us as we walked away. We paused at the street corner, paul who died, was waiting for his uber, which whisked him away to the Homeopathic Club where he was staying and we would walk the 100 metres to the hotel and sleep. I have often wondered if he died because of that conversation. When the car arrived he was wondering aloud about the japanese yakuza woman. The next day or the day afterwards we boarded an airbus back to europe. Vanishing without leaving a single trace of our trajectories across Tokyo, we were travelling on stolen credit cards, and unreal passports, our actual identities only on the air tickets...

[spoonielivingfree]

  Ask me now if I’d do it all again and I’d say yes! I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Recently I’ve returned from a summer school to Colombia with my university. This involved a LOT of firsts. Flying alone for the first time, flying long haul for the first time, first time on a plane since developing ME as well as first time on a plane since I had a cyst rupture on my right ovary in an airport at 14. (Yes that experience traumatised me a little).

Now of course this wasn’t all smooth sailing. It didn’t even start as smooth sailing considering I woke up with a paralysed arm on the day I flew out and had to sit down to get dressed it’s some minor miracle I made it at all and without use of wheelchair assistance at the airports because I am far too stubborn for my own good.

The flight itself was better than expected. I thought I would get bored, considering the first plane was a 9 hour flight and the second one 3 hours. The reality was so much stress and adrenaline went into getting these flights that I spent much of that time dozing. Although I did manage to get the reading for our first lecture done (Only reading I did all trip) and watch Love Simon. So boredom wasn’t an issue. Pain on the other hand was. I was getting severe endometriosis related pain in my lower left back as well as severe pain in my lower left leg. And if that wasn’t enough my left collar bone decided it would be fun to act up. As our first flight was delayed by an hour it meant we had barely enough time to get to our connecting flight, this meant a hurried walk through the airport praying we’d make the plane on time and trying to keep our stress to a minimum. This was where fatigue was an issue – as my heart had been above 100 all day due to possible POTS and a confirmed diagnosis of CFS I was really struggling once I got off my first flight, despite spending a large portion of it dozing. I was honest about this, which was a step up from usual however persisted in the fast walking despite every inch of my body was screaming against it. I was fighting to keep my legs moving, I was lightheaded and started getting severe chest pain but I didn’t want to cause the rest of the group to miss the flight because I was slowing them down.

Fortunately we made it to Bogota, Columbia on our scheduled flights and made it to our accommodation. After having a shower, I went straight to bed.

Lesson 1: Get the wheelchair assistance – it will make the journey more comfortable and less stressful if you have tight connections which leave you sprinting across the airport. It would also be good for reducing payback and allowing you to get more out of your trip!

Fast-forward to 7 hours later, I woke up the next day feeling nauseous and feverish and genuinely thought I’d caught something off the plane. Go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and realise I have an autoimmune rash. (Which is always slightly terrifying as someone with no known autoimmune condition.) But obviously being me, I couldn’t say I needed the day to rest. I get restless being stuck in a room unless I am legitimately dead, especially in an unfamiliar environment. So I went out with everyone, had breakfast and a few of us walked around the city for a few hours. Which obviously was great for my pain. Again, when I was asked, I was honest and said I was getting a lot of pain but also being me, said I would be fine unless everyone else wanted to go back. We headed back, and I was told to rest, moaned a little, and then actually crashed for 5 hours upon getting back to my room. Went out for dinner feeling refreshed although was fading again towards the end and that was that.

Lesson 2: Take the first full day to rest! Don’t do what I did and walk over 10,000 steps when you never do that at home due to the pain and fatigue it causes. You will pay for it later on and you don’t want that.

So then we have our second day. Which was the first day of timetabled activities so obviously perfectionistic side of Hannah kicked in. There was no way I could miss that and in my mind I had to do everything. (Which obviously wasn’t true, throughout this entire trip it has been made expressly clear multiple times a day that everyone else would be okay with me resting if I needed to.) But Hannah is Hannah, and although I’d had very minimal sleep due to being in pain (Yay ovarian cyst ruptures and all the walking being hard on my legs) I made it my mission to manage the full day despite not feeling atall well. It wasn’t like I was in a crash or anything.

Lesson 3: REST! Listen to your body. If you had a cyst rupture on your ovary or whatever is causing you to feel bad let your body have at the very least a morning to recover. (Normally give myself atleast a day when I’m not away)

I made it through the day, and even participated in a salsa lesson which I was very much told off for in a “well done but please don’t push yourself too far” way. It was fair to say that once the day was over and we got into the taxi I was well and truly done for. My endometriosis pain was really acting up in a contraction like pain way and once I got back to my room I managed to dislocate my shoulder by writhing in pain. (My pesky shoulders will feature a lot in this post).

And so, from 6pm to 6am, only getting out of bed to take a shower our third day starts. Apparently, I still had a lot of endometriosis pain, which is always fun because max strength prescription co-codomal combined with an overdose of ibuprofen won’t touch that. But we persist, despite being told resting was okay if that’s what I wanted to do. I stayed off of the coffee bcause I think it was coffee that really did me in the day prior. So we stuck with a green juice which did wonders for my endo pain. The juice in Columbia is all freshly made so it’s incredible!

So you would think, endometriosis pain solved, I would manage the whole day. Well you and I were both wrong. Which was sad as the rest of the group were going up Monseratte which I really wanted to do. But my body had other plans. I was feeling lightheaded, shaky and my heart was doing weird things. I would have tried to power through it if it wasn’t for my brain completely going to the point where I didn’t even feel present in the room we were in. I knew I was having some sort of crash. If I have POTS it can be put down with that as on this occasion I lacked the extreme muscle weakness that tends to come with ME/CFS. So I didn’t even make it until lunch, but after forcing down various forms of electrolyte drinks/powders and eating salty snacks I was back in full force by the next day. (Well as much full force as is possible for me)

Lesson 4: If you have POTS or just have similar issues as a result of another illness keep salty snacks and electrolytes on you because sometimes they do actually help and it will save you from having to get other people to go down to the shop for you when your too unwell to do so yourself.

So it is now our 4th day! And we managed! Maybe we pushed too much considering nausea, and severe pain but at the end of the day, I would rather push myself a little too much than not quite enough. I had to sit down on the pavement whilst waiting for the taxi has my heart rate went crazy high and I knew at this point I had to make it through the rest of the day. In the afternoon we went to a botanical gardens which meant lots of standing and walking on some severely painful legs, which I managed but god knows how. Especially considering I had been told if I needed to sit down I could. (Clearly being given the option to rest doesn’t make me weak and pathetic)

Lesson 5: If your honest about how your feeling you may be surprised by how people try to help/accommodate you.

Now day 5 is what I would call the start of the major crash. (This was definitely ME/CFS) I woke up feeling okay. (Well in my book). But at around 10am It just hit me like a ton of bricks and although I managed to stay for the rest of the lecture and went back at lunch I knew when I was standing in the lift on the way back up to my room that I had really gone and done it. For those of you who don’t have ME, a bad crash is so bad that you can barley lift up a bottle of water and lift up your head to drink said water. It’s having to crawl to get to the loo because you can’t stand up for long enough. Not fun. But idiot here did things the next afternoon/evening as she was getting to the bored and restless stage of the crash.

Lesson 6: If you have a bad CFS crash don’t rush back into trying to keep up with your able bodied counterparts.

So I spent the weekend and the Monday stuck in bed, barley conscious, barley able to eat or drink due to severe head and face pain as well as muscle weakness and barley able to get myself from my bed to my bathroom.

But I to some extent recovered and was back to managing a full day of things the next day. Although I did collapse in the toilets after lunch. Fortunately I was able to get back up and pretend nothing had happened but it was still slightly terrifying.

Lesson 7: If you collapse/pass out/fall bring your phone with you EVERYWHERE. I was lucky I could get myself up that time but if I couldn’t I would have had to wait for someone to find me because I left my phone in the classroom.

And so Wednesday came, with more endometriosis pain (Think my uterus is slightly jealous that CFS has been getting all the attention.) Again I only managed a half day, but felt dreadful with CFS less than half way through the morning, however it was so much fun that I had to stay. Now obviously I then spent the rest of the day, in bed, in the dark feeling super nauseous, unable to see, with a really bad migraine. But it was worth it!

Lesson 8: sometimes you need to have fun! Even if physically you feel dreadful!

With a lack of better judgement and despite being told to rest I managed to make it through Thursday. This was out second to last day in such a beautiful country and by this point I just needed to have fun and make the most of it rather than look after my health. I slept in all 3 of the hour long taxi journeys that day, and my right ovary started acting up a little more than it had been in the 2 days prior but I managed and it was definitely worth it for the post it notes in the 3M goodie bag. (I’m such a stationary whore) After going back and starting packing, which meant enduring more bad right ovary pain and a subluxed shoulder I even managed to go out and look at some pretty lights for around an hour before crashing in bed till the next morning.

Lesson 9: We’re going to reinforce that sometimes you’ve just gotta have fun message!

So obviously felt awful come our final full day. Endometriosis was definitely jealous at this point seeing as I woke up, unable to move, crying from pain and nausea. Even had to send a message to say I might not be able to make it down because Endo was that jealous. But being me I did and somehow made it through the morning despite being very bitchy and absent as my entire body was hurting so much. There were times when I was asked if I was okay and all I could do was nod or whimper because endometriosis really knows how to get the better of me. Submitted to being taken back to the accommodation just before lunch, was not feeling remotely well enough to endure pain and people for any longer by this point. Layed down, which helped ease my endometriosis pain although nothing else and basically napped for a good 5 hours before going down for our final dinner together.

Lesson 10: Sometimes pain gets the better of us all. Superwoman or not. Giving in does not make you weak. Giving in means your listening to your body, accepting your reality and that requires an incredible amount of strength.

And here we come to our flight home. Which was obviously not smooth sailing because severe pain, endometriosis was definitely threatening a major flare up and still is and it became my mission to make all my flights on time so I could get home before the stabbing vaginal and rectal pains and the burning stabbing bladder pains and all the rest of the taboo joy that comes with endometriosis. It was about the point that I had to stop myself from crying/screaming in pain in the plane toilets over peeing that I realised that this is going to happen at some point. And I did. I made all my planes, dozed for most of it bcause fatigue, had to run more than I’ve ran in atleast a year to make my last flight as due to a delay I had less than an hour to make the connection. But I managed and I’m now home safe and sound. Can’t tolerate having my curtains open and sleeping more than I’m not but happy with how my body is dealing with this because it could be a lot worse!

Lesson 11: Avengers: Infinity war is incredible for pain distraction! Especially if you like fangirling. (couldn’t follow it because brain fog but enjoyed the fangirling.)

Lesson 12: Going to reinforce the wheelchair assistance thing so you don’t have to fight your body to run up escalators when you find walking up steps difficult enough.

Travelling with a chronic illness 2.0 Ask me now if I'd do it all again and I'd say yes! I'd do it again in a heartbeat.