#now how is ‘coming soon’ January 13

[vicontheinternet]

I don’t care if “plane” is good or bad if he is on my screen imma see it

[yoohyeon]

I don’t wanna come back here to this, but I think we’ll have to take a decision soon and I’m terrified, I’m not ready I’ll never be ready…

[tightjeansjavi]

My Dearest,

A/N: so, while I was in Galena for my girls trip this weekend…my friend and I went into a bookstore and that’s where the inspiration struck! Ulysses Grant wrote letters to his wife (My Dearest Julia) from June 4th, 1844 to February 2, 1854. Of course I immediately had to throw Joel into the narrative, with a twist ;) please have your tissue boxes at the ready for this one and remember, fiction can’t hurt you! Also, big thank you and kisses to @beardedjoel for sobbing along with me while I wrote these series of letters 💘 P.S I know California wasn’t founded as a state until 1850…but let’s just pretend!

~word count: 1.9k~

Summary: a series of letters written by Joel Miller, a hopeless romantic yearning for your embrace once more.

Pairing | forbidden love!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: angst, allusion to smut, infertility, pining, hopeless romantic, unrequited love, forbidden love, major character death, alcoholism, death by alcohol poisoning, yearning, no age gap, mentions of social status, somewhat historically accurate language, no happy ending, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is my dearest, +18 minors dni! (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

June 4th, 1844

My Dearest,

I am deeply remorseful for the events that transcribed three days ago. I know I have put you in an undesirable situation now with your father’s wishes for your arranged marriage to the rich banker's son. Forgive me, for I don’t care to remember his name. My dearest, do not put the blame upon yourself. If we had known that there were prying, hateful eyes watching us, I would have waited for you in the stables and not inside your chambers. Jealously drives even the sanest of people to do the unforgivable. The deep wounds your father has inflicted upon me will heal, but my heart? Oh, how it aches for you, my dearest. If I were not a coward, I would turn back and face the gallows just to see your face one last time, for what else is a man to do when he is in love? I’m heading west, like we planned in the gardens, in hopes that you will follow me and go against your father’s wishes. Please write to me soon, tell me that you are safe, and grace me with your sweet words.

Your devoted Joel.

-

July 13, 1844

My Dearest,

California is beautiful and my eyes are seeing the ocean for the very first time. I wonder what your view is? Last I heard you were moving to New York. Is it true? Please tell me it’s a lie. I would be naive to think that what is written in the papers to be false, but my heart is still holding on. Are you moving to New York because of me? I’m so sorry, my dearest. We should have been more careful. I can still smell your perfume, and feel the ghost of your lips on my skin. I am no poet, but if I was, perhaps your father would think highly of me.

I dream of you even in the daytime.

Please write to me, dearest.

J.M

-

September, 7th 1844

My Dearest,

There is a sweetness on my tongue that I have not felt the indulgence of for many moons and suns. I worried that I would never hear from you again, that I would become another distant memory fading into ash. I forbade this from happening, dearest. We are thousands of miles apart, and all I wish for is to see your face once more. Do you wish for the same, dearest? To see your Joel, to feel his warm embrace? Please don’t forget me, please. I know in your heart that you still feel for me. California calls your name as it did mine. Come back to me, dearest.

Yours most affectionately,

Joel

-

January 12th, 1845

My Dearest,

I have not heard from you in months and my heart cannot bare it any longer. Why do you not write to me, dearest? I’ve enrolled in classes, maybe I’ll even become the next great American author! Would your father accept me then, if I was no longer a penniless man? I think he would. Your father is a very simple man in those regards. If only my status in society didn’t matter. Do you lie awake in bed and think of me, dearest? Does your dream state float off to the thoughts of your Joel? My dearest, my love for you has not changed, only grown stronger. Has yours for me felt all the same?

Joel

-

July 11th, 1845

My Dearest,

I write to you with a heavy heart and an anger that has never once possessed me. Please tell me it isn’t true. That you have fallen for another, the rich banker's son? It cannot be true. The papers lie, dearest. Your heart belongs to me, does it not? It must. You promised! You said that no matter what happened, no matter the consequences, we would end up together. You spoke those words so sweetly upon my ear when I laid beneath your sheets, dearest. Back in Texas, in your abandoned home, the stench of me still lingers. When you receive this letter, close your eyes and imagine me there with you, wherever that may be. I’ll come to New York, I swear it. I’ll come find you!

Please, write to me soon, dearest. Do not allow this to be the end of our story, I beg of you.

Yours always,

Joel Miller

-

October, 1845

My Dearest,

This morning I write to you about the thoughts of reminiscing on our love. Something so sweet, fresh, ripened, but not yet spoiled. Do you remember the night we first met? We were just children then. All bright eyed and filled with curiosity. I remember the bows in your braided hair, your mother scolding you for them, slapping your cheek and yanking them from your braids. You wept with your face buried in your hands, and I comforted you. Your mother taught you how to curtsey, how to engage in small talk and forced you to wear those unbreathable garments that you hated so. I showed you how to run, to make mud pies and swim in the river. Do you remember the night of our first kiss? The first time our lips touched and my life held a meaning again? The foul mouthed, stable hand boy winning the affections of a girl such as you. If I bring my fingers to my lips now, I can feel your kiss there, too. I moved back to Texas, dearest. I wanted to feel closer to you. Write to me soon, and in your letter tell me that you wish for me to come to New York to be with you.

I am inconsolable without your presence at my side.

Yours devotedly,

Joel Miller

P.S. Every night I pray to the moon and stars that we will be in one another’s embrace very soon. I have never been a religious man by any means, but I find myself praying for you, my dearest.

-

March 29th, 1846

My Dearest,

It is spring once again, and everything is in bloom! A new family has moved into your abandoned home, and I am back to my roots. I have given up my dreams to be an author, but I write to you, still. I missed being around the horses more than you could possibly imagine. There’s a piece missing here, and that piece is you. The new family I work for has a daughter around your age. She’s pretty, beautiful even, but she’s not you, my dearest. She’ll never be you. Her hair isn’t the right length, her eyes the wrong shade, her laugh isn’t yours, her mannerisms are all wrong. She yearns for my affections, but my heart belongs to another. I will not commit adultery against you, my sweet. Even in my loneliest hours, I will not give into my sins against you. She would make a fine wife, and her parents are unlike your own, but she will never be you, and she will never possess my heart.

I yearn for you.

Your Joel

-

July 2nd, 1846

My Dearest,

I write to you with sweat dripping down my brow. I cannot sleep, the Texas heat has played a cruel trick upon my mind. I awoke to your voice, whispering my name through the billowing curtains. I taste your sweet kiss and the oncoming summer storm, but you are not here. Am I going insane? I fear that I am. What is the weather like in New York? Write to me soon, I beg of you.

Joel Miller

-

September 23rd, 1847

My Dearest,

I am facing my loneliest night yet, and I picture you laying beside me beneath my sheets. I have scrapped up enough money to finally buy you a ring! Isn’t that the most wonderful news? Tomorrow evening, after supper, I will head into town to the jewelers and buy you a ring that shines more brilliantly than the heavens above. You’ll wait for me, won’t you? Promise me that you will.

With love,

Your Joel

-

January, 1848

My Dearest,

Today is the day where I wish I never awoke. I wish to stay in a sweet slumber where my dreams are filled with you. You cannot marry him, please. Tell your father that you don’t accept the banker's son’s hand in marriage! He will never know you as I do, my dearest. He will never satisfy you the way that I can. He will turn his nose up at your politics, your drinking habits, your antics and wildness. But I love you as so. Come back to me, runaway with me. I can give you so much happiness if you only let me. How will your husband to-be react when he finds that you cannot bear him children? When the marriage is to be consummated, and he strips you of your skirts and touches you where only I have been, how will he feel? I worry for you, my dearest. I remember the night that we first became one. Do you still think of the way I moved in you? I still feel the phantom crescents of your nails in my back. I wish the marks left there were permanent, so I would always have a piece of you with me. Tell me that you remember the way that my kisses feel, my taste on your tongue, my voice, my body moving with yours. There was a time when you wanted to bear my children, and begged me to fill your womb with my seed. We waited and waited, but your womb never swelled with life no matter how many times we tried. You assumed my feelings for you would sour, but they only grew.

If you accept the banker's son's hand in marriage, I wish to never see the sunrise again.

Joel Miller

-

May 7th, 1848

My Dearest,

I have never wept more than I have this morn. I shredded the papers, I pounded my fists into the earth and spooked every horse in the stable. Even the heavens weep with me, my dearest. Can I even call you that any longer? You wear his ring upon your finger, awake beneath his sheets, smelling of him. I’m sorry, my dearest. I’m sorry I could never be enough for you. I have tried so hard, and have continued to fail. My heart aches, and I wish I could rip it from my chest and stab it till all movement ceases. I wish to not feel any longer. I have lost all hope, and I fear that my attempts to hear from you have been fruitless. My devoted letters are out there, somewhere. Or perhaps you have collected them. Perhaps you did not awaken in his sheets. Perhaps you are on your way back to me. I’ll wait for you, my dearest.

Undoubtedly yours,

Joel Miller

-

June 4th, 1848

My Dearest,

In my loneliest hour, I write to you. If you ever receive this letter, do not weep for me. You and I were cut from a separate cloth since birth. I was not born into wealth. I was not fed from silver spoons. My clothes are tattered, the soles of my boots are worn down. All I have to my name is my penmanship and my memories of you. Think of me sweetly, will you? I wish you only happiness and love. I have turned into a drunk, my dearest. Alcohol soothes my mind, woes, and ailments. I hear your voice so vividly when I am in this state. You’re here beside me now, watching as I write my final letter. I can reach out and touch your cheek, soft, supple. You smell of saccharine honey and lavender fields. Your laugh is my favorite tune, and I can hear it now. Sing me a lullaby, my darling as I close my eyes and dream of you for a final time. If another universe exists, I hope I am rich. I hope I am the wealthiest man who is adored by your mother and father. I hope that on the night we meet again, I present you with a ring forged from my heart, a piece of me that has forever belonged to you. I hope I am fed from a silver spoon, dressed in the finest garments, attend every gala with you on my arm as my lady, my wife, my reason to live. I hope to bless you with as many children as you so desire. I have always loved you, my dearest, from the moment we met, I have been yours.

Farewell,

Your Joel.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika-graphics 💖

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[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 29 will be posted soon.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 28 chapters completed: 1.77M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

{Previous snippet}

___________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 29 because at the end of Chapter 28, it was early in the morning and Buck and Eddie were lying in bed having a serious conversation about whether Eddie's going to delay the pursuit of his second paramedic certification, the ACP-C. Buck doesn't want him to give up his dream, especially now since they know what caused Buck's bradycardia and he's on medication. He's doing better and even though he's still grieving, he believes once he passes the last two stages of grief, Frank may clear him to return to work but he's still not sure if he wants to go back to being a firefighter. Also, Eddie's FMLA ends on January 31, 2024 but the question is will he extend it or return to the 118?

Additionally, Chris is still dealing with one of his classmate's lack of participation in their video game project and it's stressing him out. Furthermore, during their last group therapy session, Buck had a conversation with Captain Jeshan Mehta and he asked him if they could meet so he can get an objective viewpoint from someone about whether he could be a captain someday with the LAFD. He decided not to ask Bobby since he doesn't believe he'll give him an objective viewpoint because in September 2022, he told him he needed more life experience. Things are getting interesting as the Diaz family gets closer to their "New Beginnings".

__________

Here's another snippet from Chapter 29 of Buck and Chris inside of Super Target but something happens that causes Buck to come face to face with someone from his past and it causes him to enter protective dad mode so he can get Chris to safety.

___________

Buck and Chris are inside of Super Target shopping for a frame to put the adoption certificate in.

After looking at several options, Chris points to a black matte frame and asks, “What about this one?”

“I like it but it doesn’t look like it’s big enough.  Let’s check the dimensions.”  He replies then he lifts it off the hook, reads the sticker and proceeds to put it back but he pauses when Chris starts talking.

“There are some more frames over here.”  He says as he starts walking down the aisle.

Chris is 13-years-old but they still don’t let him wander inside of a store without one or both of them beside him.  Mainly because they don’t want to catch a damn criminal case for whooping someone’s ass if they’re being an idiot or worse a predator.

He’s lifting the frame as he says, “Hold on Chris, wait for me.  I’m on my wa…”  but he trails off when he hears someone start talking to him.

“You’re Eddie Diaz’s kid, aren’t you?”

At the sound of that voice, Buck freezes for a millisecond as his body fills with fear and he becomes paralyzed.  Everything starts happening in slow motion but he doesn’t have to look up to know who’s speaking because he recognizes their voice.

In conjunction with the fear he’s feeling, blind rage emanates throughout his body but he’s not sure how he can feel both emotions at the same time.  When he turns his head to the right to look at Chris, he almost gives himself whiplash.

When his fingers release the frame, it falls, bounces off the shelf and hits the floor.

His fatherly animal instincts kick in and he moves without thinking about anything else except for their son.  In this moment, his primary concern is to protect him because the fool that’s talking to him must have a death wish.  He’s glad he has long legs because he makes it to him in less than one second.

Chris asks, “Who are you?”

“I know your dad and Buck.  Isn’t that right Buckley?”

He’s trying to control his emotions and not make a scene as he protectively stands in front of Chris and positions himself so his 6.2’ inch frame creates a barrier between them.  While maintaining eye contact with them, he speaks in a low voice to his son.

“Chris, go find a Target employee, they’ll be wearing a red shirt, khakis pants… and uh, they’ll have a name tag on their shirt.  When you find them, stay with them, tell them I’m on aisle 34L, I’m an LAFD firefighter and I need immediate assistance.  Ask them to contact security and tell them to call the police”.

“But Buck, I…”  Chris replies as he moves to the side but Buck’s quicker and he continues to stand in front of him blocking his line of sight.

“Now Chris!  Please!  I need you to go, ok?!”  He says a little louder than he intends to.

“Ok.”

As he squares his shoulders with the person standing in front of him, he hears Chris turn around and he listens until he doesn’t hear his crutches anymore.

Like a volcano, the words that have been sitting on his tongue for months, erupt like hot lava.  “What the hell is wrong with you?”  He asks in a low voice because he doesn’t want to create a scene.

While smirking, the person standing in front of him moves closer and challenges him like they want some of this Diaz fire.

Since they didn’t verbally respond, he says, “Hear me and hear me clearly, as long as I’m alive, you better not ever speak to him again!”

“Certainly, you know that I can arrange it so you’re not alive anymore.”

He’s undeterred by that but he replies, “What the actual fuck were you doing talking to my son?”

“Your son?”

“That’s right!  He’s mine and Eddie’s son.”

“Oh… you must have forgotten to send me an invitation to your wedding.  But anyway… I was in the neighborhood; I saw you and him come in and I thought I’d say hi because I never got the chance to meet him.”

It’s in this moment, he realizes they’ve been stalking him and Chris and he knows he needs to put a stop to it.  He says, “If you ever come near me, my husband or our son again, I’ll kill you!”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a fucking promise!”

Who is Buck talking to like that? 👀

Who's been stalking him and his family? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Will Buck's bradycardia resurface because of this encounter? 😉😜

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds�� start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-28 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[annalarissa]

Jenna Ortega’s fame: a blessing or a curse?

Jenna Ortega, the bright young star of Hollywood, already has a cult of her own - crazy fandom that can make Selena Gomes and Taylor Swift jealous. And tarnish all her great achievements. How did that happen?

About a year ago Netflix released “Wednesday”, which immediately has become one of the most popular series of the platform and a real cultural phenomenon. Wednesday's dance went viral, prompting the teens all over the world to cosplay the goth girl and of course, Ortega, who played the main role in the beloved series, turned from a promising actress into a superstar.

But could we say that fame is a blessing for her? Along with unprecedented popularity, Ortega has acquired numerous aggressive, obsessive fans, most of whom are teenagers living more online than in real life. The behavior of these fans have already turned into a serious problem. Every new project involving Jenna Ortega is dragged into a scandal by the efforts of her own fans that throw absolutely every accusation in the book at her co-stars.

It all started in January, when Percy Hynes White, who played a part in love triangle with her in “Wednesday”, was accused in anonymous tweets of sexual assault, racism etc. The actor denied all the accusations and no legal proceedings followed. Ortega's fans meanwhile organized the massive campaign against White, justifying it with concerns about their idol’s life, both work related and personal. Ortega and White have repeatedly stated that they became best friends during the filming and although the status of their relationship is now unclear, many fans of Ortega continue to campaign against the actor, inciting to harass him on social media. White’s participation in s2 of “Wednesday” is still uncertain.

Martin Freeman was the next to come under fire from Ortega's fans. Freeman is her co-star in the upcoming "Miller's girl" film, where his character, a teacher, has an illicit relationship with his own student, played by Ortega. The first trailer was released recently and immediately caused to resurface the accusation of racism, child abuse etc Freeman has. In less than a day the viral tweet gained more than 13 million views and Ortega's fans actively participate in spreading accusations and inciting the harassment of the actor. And the movie hasn't been released yet! There is every reason to believe that with the release, the hate snowball will turn into an avalanche and Freeman will become the next victim of the cancel culture.

The most ambiguous situation happened around another co-star of Ortega, Toby Wallace, who played her love interest in the recently released Paramount film "Finestkind''. Although Wallace wasn’t involved in anything controversial, did not actively promote the film together with Ortega and even skipped the red carpet premiere of the film, he was bombarded with hateful comments on his Instagram by Ortega's fans, who wished him dead (smt in portuguese), among other things.

Perhaps the situation began to bother Ortega's PR team, because several big fan pages simultaneously called for an end of harassment of this actor, thereby only fueling the interest of others in the issue.

Thus, almost everyone who plays a love interest of Jenna Ortega in the movies finds themselves under attack from the actress' numerous and very active fans. Their actions create quite an unhealthy atmosphere of scandal around the young star, negatively affecting her reputation in the industry, because everyone of her colleagues risks getting bullied and canceled.

Miss Ortega didn’t comment on any of this and fans may see it as full approval, continuing to harass her co-stars on the Internet. Who is next? The release of a new film featuring Ortega and the Weeknd is to be announced soon, and the prospects for the Weeknd, already suffering harsh criticism for his Idol series involvement, are not very sunny.

In the upcoming film Ortega plays a stalker obsessed with the Weeknd’s character, a very controversial role in itself. Let’s just wait and see if he would be the new target for the Ortega’s stan cult.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I (24M) and my partner K (26M) are in a long distance relationship. I am currently in the closet, and I live in a very conservative area, whereas K is very much out of the closet and lives in a very left leaning area on the opposite side of the country. Because of this, we don't get to see each other in person very often due to the cost of airfare and it not being safe for him to visit me.

About a month ago, I got an invitation to crash for a weekend with a close childhood friend--who I will refer to as A(25M)--some time in January. I have not seen A in several years, and his house is only a day or two's drive away, so I happily accepted. I told K, and he suggested we take the opportunity to meet up since I am going to be out of state.

I was hesitant, because I really don't want to turn this emotional reunion with A into a couple's getaway. That said, it's been a while since K and I saw each other, so I said sure, figuring that I'd stay with A for the weekend, then extend my trip and spend a few days on vacation with K.

Well, plans suddenly changed when I finally got approved for my own apartment in a more left leaning area. Surprise! I no longer have to worry about K's safety when he comes to visit. He is planning to come down and see me in a couple months.

Here's the issue. I love K, but I want some time alone with A. We haven't seen each other in 7 years, and I'm going to be staying at his house. It feels weird to ask if I can bring another person into his (already kind of cramped) house that he does not know, and now that my rent has suddenly doubled, I don't really have the means to rent an AirBnB or hotel room for the week.

K has also expressed jealousy regarding my friendship with A due to how close we have gotten very suddenly (not suddenly for us, again, we've known each other for 13 years, we just fell out of contact), as well as some things that we have in common that K and I do not. He has not asked me to distance myself or anything, I am not interested in A like that, and I have made that clear to him. It just feels like it would be a very weird vibe to bring K to A's house and risk making A uncomfortable in his own home.

K is also already coming to my house very soon, so it's not like it will have been forever since I've seen him. He hasn't bought the tickets yet for either trip, but I feel guilty telling him I don't want to see him, especially since he has already expressed jealousy about A and I's relationship. WIBTA if I told K that I don't want to bring him along when I go to visit A?

What are these acronyms?

[fallingforel]

prompt 13 “Where are you going?”

louis angst into fluff, an argument between lou and y/n and one walks out for space, maybe have y/n either phone or go to one of his sisters for comfort (they are close) and they eventually make up?

sorry if that doesn’t make any sense i can’t word well haha

a/n hey my lovely of course I can do I love writing about Lou he's one of the easiest to write for and I love it when people give me means of what they want in the request so On with the show....

warning: mentions of s/a (asking for it, touched up etc.) swearing, mentions of sex, mentions of divorce.

PROMPT 13: "Where are you going?"

words: 2,067 (longest one yet 😅)

⋆｡°✩

"OH PLEASE Y/N YOU WERE ASKING FOR IT!"

I was currently in an argument with my partner of 12 years 7 of which we had been married, we had gotten together shortly after one direction got together and then married in the january of 2014 though we had been friends long before that as we ran in the same friendship circle in school and I was always mucking about and wreaking havoc with oli and Louis looking for trouble. So as you probably guessed when we argued it certainly wasn't the greatest.

We had just come back from a nice meal which was unfortunately cut short as I had been touched up by one of the older waiters. And I had screamed so Louis dragged me out of there while giving the waitress sultry eyes which as you can imagine didn't end very well in my current state.

"ASKING FOR IT? FUCKING ASKING FOR IT? JUST LIKE I ASKED FOR IT AT 11 YEARS OLD? NOPE? DIDNT THINK SO. AND PLEASE LIKE YOU WOULD'VE NOTICED IF I DIDN'T SCREAM STOP BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY EYE FUCKING THAT WAITRESS."

"EYE FUCKIN- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON HAVE YOU TAKEN DRUGS? THE ONLY PERSON I WAS EYE FUCKING ALL NIGHT WAS YOU PLEASE GET A GRIP Y/N/N"

"DONT! DON'T FUCKING Y/N/N ME CERTAINLY NOT AFTER TONIGHT."

"OH COME OFF IT Y/N. I WAS MERELY GIVING HER SORRY FOR NOT PAYING EYES. IT WAS A HARMLESS THING. BESIDES I'M NOT SURPRISED HE TOUCHED YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT."

"LOOKING LIKE THA- DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE YOU KNOW HOW DEEP THAT SHIT CUTS ME LOUIS. YOU'VE KNOWN ME ALL YOUR LIFE. I just thought you'd never be the one to say it to me."

Is one of the last things I say before walking away from him and grabbing my coat where it lay on the bannister and walked towards the front door.

"WHERE YOU FUCKING GOING NOW"

"OUT! I CAN'T BE AROUND YOU DONT CALL TEXT OR FIND ME I'LL BE FINE BYE"

"YOU CANT JUST WALK OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT, YOU KNOW THATS NOT HOW WE SOLVE THINGS"

"THINK YOU'LL FIND I JUST DID"

"STOP WALKING AWAY COME BACK WE CAN FIX THIS"

"GOODBYE LOUIS"

⋆｡°✩

I walked and I walked in the rain sobbing until my feet stopped at Lottie's house.

I rang the doorbell waiting for a reply.

and soon enough lottie came strolling to the door with doris on her hip I knew that all the siblings were at hers tonight she had also taken freddie louis' and my son Louis and I weren't there tonight though as it was our anniversary so they completely understood when we said we couldn't be there in the group chat conversation earlier.

"Y/n? what are you doing here? wheres Louis? you're supposed to be out together tonight? you're all wet. Come inside your gonna catch a cold for gods sake" I step inside shaking off everything and wiping my feet whilst replying to her

"Yes it's me. In the flesh and blood. Louis isn't here right now. I'm so scared so scared lots he said things. things I never would have thought to come out his mouth. Where's fred?"

"In the living room settling down with daisy. Come in he's been asking about you." I step foot into the living room and Freddie catches eyes with me and runs up to hug me "hello baby, You okay?" I say dropping down to his height which he nods then asks the inevitable question "why are you crying mummy?" which makes me sob but I hold my tears back for his sake

then Pheobe starts to speak "Freddie come here" he looks at me for permission to go which I nod "You know how auntie lottie was crying earlier and she said that that's what people do sometimes. And that it's healthy and sometimes we need a good cry" to which he nods "well thats what mummy's been doing she'll be okay fred she will"

"come on Y/n lets go into the kitchen, I'll make you a cuppa" Lottie speaks out and I follow. she shuts the door for some privacy because she knew what I was about to say wouldn't be light or good for the children to hear.

"so whats going on? what happened? start from the beginning" "so it started out lovely it really did he took my arm to help me to the car was kissing my hand the whole way there you know just a generally good time. Starters were lovely. But then it got to the mains and the waiter that bought my main out touched me lingering his hand on my arm and I just screamed because I thought it was a moth or something you know. Then I started having a go at the waiter, because like rightfully so there's no need for you to touch me. And then about half way through Louis asks what was going on because he had been in conversation with the waitress for the most part and I just said he fucking touched me. Like proper screamed it lots. and he just said oh. FUCKING OH. and went back to eye fucking and flirty conversation with the waitress and I just grabbed louis while we were leaving left a £20 note on the table and left. and then when we got home he said that I was asking for it and he fucking knows what I went through when I was still speaking to my mum and dad how they would always say I was asking for it when I wore my skirt a bit higher than usual to school. that shit cut me deep lots, so fucking deep.

"mmh, I can imagine he's such a dick honestly I don't even know why he does this some times, he's got a great relationship with a great girl and then he does shit like this to fuck it up. Honestly I'm gonna knock some sense into him when I next see him because how dare he treat you like that, My own sister"

"he's your bio brother, im nothing to you lottie" I say replying back to her.

"bio shmio, come off it y/n you know your my sister I've known you my whole life."

"Oh lottie what would I do without you, your so kind to me"

"come on your the mother of my first nephew, what's not to love he's a great little boy. who has a spectacular mother, You've done so well with Freddie, Y/n. I'm so proud of you and I know mum would be too"

"Oh come on, she's not my mum. What about you, I saw the way you spoke to me at the door acting like a mum already and they're not even here yet"

"SHH, nobody knows yet, not even P&D haven't worked up the courage to tell them, hell even dad for goodness sake. I can't even bare to think what Louis would say."

"We all want another baby to spoil, how is Lewis anyway? Is he here?" "no, no he's gone up to visit his family for the weekend. He's telling them tonight, will you help me tell Phoebs and dais? think I could use your support."

"course I can, come on lottie" I say wrapping an arm around her shoulder before walking back into the living room.

⋆｡°✩

"What was so important that we had to put the kids to bed"

"well, Lottie has some important news she wants to share with you both. Go on Lots tell em"

"I'm having a baby" Both of the twins squeal and jump into lottie and my arms and pull us both down to the floor

"okay okay girls, enough you gonna hurt the poor little mite before they're even here yet" I say

"shit sorry." they both say

"what happened with Lou then? why did you come over?"

and so I explain the whole thing again to the twins this time.

"shit y/n I'm so sorry, I'm actually gonna kick him right in the balls when I see him he shouldn't have done that to you"

"No you won't he's your brother"

"you're right I won't I'll just give him a right old dirty look" she says making the 'dirty look' face which makes us all burst out in laughter.

"come on lets stick a film on. and have a girls night" I say once we had all stopped laughing

"yeah lets watch magic mike and forget about all our boyfriends" Pheobe said

"husband for me" I interrupted

"boyfriends and husband" Pheobe said correcting her mistake

and we all agreed and stuck the movie on.

⋆｡°✩

After the movie had finished it was just me up so I switched the T.V off and woke up the girls sending them to their respectful bedrooms for the night making my way upstairs myself to Louis' and my bedroom for where we stayed when we were at lottie's before checking on freddie to make sure he was okay.

I found some old pyjamas of Louis' and I stuck them on and started sobbing again because even though it was a dick move he had pulled tonight I knew he didn't mean it it was just a spur of the moment thing

I turned on my phone before going to bed checking to see if I had any messages which I did

Louis T: come home I miss you I'm sorry I didn't mean it I was so shocked I shouldn't of said it it won't happen again

oli: I heard what happened hope your okay, call him soon? he's been in tears really regretful of what he said. Though I understand if you don't. You can see and hear the guilt though y/n/n

Louis T: Babe you've been gone hours please come back soon I miss you. Hope that argument didn't affect us. Don't want to divorce you but will if it means you're happier. Don't want Fred to go through the same thing I did.

and the last message made me cry so I had to call him

RINNG RIIING RINNG RINNG

"Hello?" Louis' voice rang out through the phone

"hey"

"Y/n? Are you okay? Where are you? I'll come to you?"

"No Louis stay there at Oli's I'll come see you in the morning. Bring Fred too"

"Do you want a divorce?"

"do I want a div- No course I fucking don't. Who put that idealogy through your dumb little brain lou?"

"The waitress"

"that fucking slag, knew she was up to no good"

"yeah well it's over now isn't it. Where are you?"

"Lots, saw fred as I was coming in he asked why I was crying. Bless him, phoebe gave him the explanation we've been trying to give him for months. One word from his aunts and he obeys them, what are we doing wrong?"

"we're his parents he's trained to not listen to us"

"yeah I know I'm not pissed at your sisters just find it funny, they want to kick your arse by the way. they're mad at you"

"not surprised by the way I treated you told ol what happened he fully on slapped me"

"serves you right"

"I suppose so"

"Yeah oh by the way, Lotties pregnant we're gonna be an auntie and uncle."

"What? How long have you known"

"2 months I was the one that gave her my pregnancy tests because she knew about how I'm off the contraceptive pill and what not so she knew I had some spare made me keep a promise though to keep quiet. She told phoebs and dais tonight though thought it only fair that I tell you but I think she wants to tell you on her own so keep quiet yea?"

"will do my lips are sealed"

after that it went silent for a minute, before I broke the silence

"Lou?"

"hmm?"

"do you maybe want another" I said fiddling with the hem of my-louis'- t-shirt that I was wearing

"another? thought we were already trying though darling?"

"yeah but that was lazy trying I mean like proper try, Like we did with fred"

"yeah, okay babe I think another kid would do us a world of good. Come home?"

"yeah. Come pick me up?"

"be there in five babe"

⋆｡°✩

end

a/n after that my fingers hurt, so sorry abt the mentions of S/a I dont know what happened.

[myseungsunglove]

Kim Seungmin Masterlist

~Do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or otherwise repurpose or reuse any of the intellectual written property as posted by @myseungsunglove . All rights reserved and protected under copyright.

S - Smut F - Fluff A - Angst

44,640 Minutes (F) the reader is missing her boyfriend while he is away on tour. -June 28, 2023-

Waking up with You (F,S) Waking up the morning after your wedding. -July 5, 2023-

The Way You Make Feel (S)While getting obviously turned on watching Seungmin perform for the comeback, he notices your reaction while on stage. After the performances are finished, he drags you to a small room, his large hands eager to touch your body. With the promise that if you’re quiet the reward later will be even greater than what he is currently offering, you try your damndest to be the quietest you can while experiencing pure bliss. And with Seungmin’s long, slender fingers, it’s a task that proves much harder than you could have possibly imagined. -July 14, 2023-

Unexpected (A,F) You find yourself writing a letter to your boyfriend Kim Seungmin to tell him all of the seemingly small and insightful ways and not so small ways you have felt loved by him when you never expected to feel truly loved by anyone. -July 25, 2023-

When darkness comes, you’re always there (A,F) It's been one of those days where your demons win every argument. Beat you down and remind you how worthless you are. There’s only one person who offers any solace when you get this lost and that's Kim Seungmin. -August 1, 2023-

Love and Affection(F) Everyone expects Seungmin to be more reserved in public with you since it’s his first relationship, but he is anything but. -August 18, 2023-

Forever with You(F) Sometimes you and Seungmin don’t need words to express how deeply you love each other. -August 30, 2023-

Do Something(A,F) The reader can’t keep her feelings to herself anymore when it comes to Kim Seungmin. After a particularly trying day busy with practices and an impending concert, she explodes on her best friend, spilling her feelings for him but doesn’t exactly go about expressing those feelings in the best way. -September 10, 2023-

Love Without Words (A, S, F) There is nothing quite like a night with Seungmin to erase all need for words between you. -October 13, 2023-

Breaking Point (A, S) There is one relationship with a member that you can cut the sexual tension with a knife for several months now. Maybe it’s been longer, but it was finally pointed out to you by some of the other members and now the thought plagues your mind. You make it your goal to slowly chip away at Kim Seungmin’s resolve, bringing him to the breaking point. Little do you realize, he may be the one to break you. -October 22, 2023-

Dream a Little Dream (F) You’ve been dreaming about this man for weeks. You almost wish you could live life in the dream instead of the real world. Everything is easier there. It’s just you and him and no worries or cares. What if dreams really could become reality? -October 23, 2023-

All the Little Things (F) You fall in love with all the little things Kim Seungmin does. -November 4, 2023-

Fireplace Melodies (F) Soft thoughts about a quiet afternoon with Kim Seungmin. -November 27, 2023-

Let Me Count the Ways (F) soft thoughts about how each member absolutely adores Kim Seungmin. - December 3, 2023-

Bet You Won’t (F) soft sleep thoughts of kissing Kim Seungmin. -December 7, 2023-

I Wanna See You (S) - an entry for my smut prompt list. Seungmin has his way with you in front of the mirror, on the floor of practice room E in a bliss filled moment you won’t soon forget. -December 9, 2033-

A Beautiful Distraction (F) - Nothing is quite as distracting as Kim Seungmin. -December 19, 2023-

Only You (F) - An honest conversation with your best friend sometimes results in surprising revelations. -January 2, 2024-

You’re Gonna Pay for That (S) - no plot here, just smut smut smut. -February 16, 2024-

More than Willing (S) - Seungmin has been your constant since the moment you joined JYP Entertainment. He’s been your safe haven and your biggest supporter. When you became the 9th addition to Stray Kids in 2020, it only brought the two of you closer, but over the years there has been an unspeakable tension boiling at the surface, just waiting for a weak spot to break through and rear it's tempting head.  -February 28, 2024-

Eternity in Your Eyes (F) - You never thought this day would come, but here you are at the first day of the rest of your life. -March 6, 2024-

First Pitch (A, F) -Seungmin struggles to understand why his fiance can’t be by his side on one of the most important days of his life.  -April 11, 2024-

I Know, Jagiya (F) - Confessing your love for someone is always a risk. -April 22, 2024-

NDA (F) -Scrolling through tik tok brings forth some questions for the reader that really only Kim Seungmin can answer. -August 24, 2024-

As We Are -October 13, 2024-

[myechoecho]

Lovely Runner, ep 5

We finally see what happened to Sol in the OG timeline with the accident. Sun Jae saved her and helped catch the taxi guy. Which solidifies my thought that taxi driver guy was the one who killed Sun Jae. It also means that Sol’s mom kept the truth about the accident from her since Sol seems to be shocked that it was not a car accident. I don’t know how it was kept from her. Wouldn’t the police need to talk to her?

In the OG timeline there’s also a very clear shot of the watch and the time so it must be important and tied to Sol’s incident and Sun Jae’s death.

Interesting that as soon as Sun Jae saved her in the second timeline and she goes back to the future, her teen self forgets Sun Jae.

I have a theory that second timeline Sun Jae pieced together that she was from the future. So when she “forgets” him he knows it’s not his Sol. He’s been waiting for her to come back to him. Which is why on the bridge he says she hasn’t changed. Because she is the Sol he’s been waiting for.

I don’t know what that dream Sol had means since it’s not the same as either timeline’s version of when she was kidnapped. In the new present day timeline there is a difference in how long it’s been since Sol was kidnapped - her mom says 14 years when Sol thinks it should have been 15 years. Something is off there. It’s January 2023 now but in the OG timeline when Sun Jae dies, was it 2024? I can’t remember.

I think we are going to stay in present day for a while. The watch seems to be missing for Sol now anyway for the time being. I do think taxi driver guy will play a role. If he’s been in jail for 13-14 years, I wonder if he’s coming to the end of his sentence and will be released.

Looking forward to present day Sun Jae and Sol.

[romancemedia]

My Prediction for Sugar Apple Fairy Tale's Anime Future

In order to keep my spirits alive for the future of Sugar Apple Fairy Tale, I have gone over the details and timeline and I'm fairly confident the series will return next year for a new season.

Also at this point I think it's safe to say this past year has simply showed the first season in general instead of 2 seasons like a lot of us, including myself assumed.

Season 1 Part 1 (Episodes 1-12) January 6th 2023 to March 24th 2023

Season 1 Part 2 (Episodes 13-24) July 7th 2023 to September 22nd 2023

During Season 1 of the anime, it has covered the first 6 light novels of the series so far.

During this period, we've been introduced to our main characters, the storyline, challenges, obstacles and of course the love between the main couple, Anne Halford and Shall Fen Shall. The anime is currently covering the 6th light novel focusing on Anne and Shall being captured by Lafall, Shall's older brother who seeks revenge against humans and fairies alike while also trying to tear the lovers apart.

With everything that's happened since Lafall's introduction, from the revelation about him and Shall being Fairy Royalty, their unborn diamond sibling and the unresolved conflict between the humans and fairies, it's obvious there is still a lot of the story left to be told. This is hardly the ending, but instead, it's only the beginning.

I find it doubtful that no matter what the anime won't end Sugar Apple Fairy Tale with Volume 6 and will be back next year for Season 2. I'm pretty hopeful they'll announce their plans as soon as the season finale is over. Besides since the light novel series ended years ago back in 2015 and therefore had already long since completed their story, I'm sure the anime is going to cover everything, considering where they are now and how far they've come since the start of the year.

For next year if/when Sugar Apple Fairy Tale returns for a second season, I'm sure it's going to follow the same timeline as this year did. Season 2 will most likely showcase 24 episodes again, dividing them into 12 episodes and show them from January to March 2024, go on a break and return from July to September 2024 just as this year did.

When that time comes, Season 2 will likely cover Light Novels 7-13. (I'm skipping Vol 12 since that consists of side stories and already showed 1 in the first season, focusing on Catt's introduction.)

Based on the information I've learned about what's to come from the light novels, they will feature...

Anne and Shall's relationship and love growing stronger, but will face a new challenge in the form of a real proper honest love triangle when Keith confesses his own feelings for Anne!

A story focusing on Mythril Lid Pod.

Anne and several Silver Sugar Masters will come together to create a special order for the Queen herself!

New fairies will be introduced, including the birth of Shall and Lafall's diamond brother!

The return of Lafall Fen Lafall!

That's as far as I'm at right now regarding the anime's future since I've decided to only focus on one step at a time. All I can say right now is keep hope alive for whatever comes on Friday cause until then I refuse to give up!

[elvenbeard]

Exit Strategy

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic

Summary: V finally meets again with Dr. Fuentes, who during their first meeting already seemed very intrigued in his case. With not much left to lose, he takes her offer for an informal appointment - but even so, in Night City everything comes at a price. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 13/?, 8258 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V - notes at the end) >> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

Kerry leaned over from the driver’s seat of his car and gently turned V’s head to give him a brief goodbye kiss. V didn’t want it to end, didn’t want to unglue his ass from the passenger seat, or go to that appointment with Fuentes. His hand lingered on Kerry’s thigh too long and gripped too tightly for Kerry to not notice. He had been right. V truly hated hospitals and doctors and anything to do with either.

“Ya sure you don’t want me to come?” Kerry asked with the utmost genuine worry in his eyes.

“Not that I don’t wanna,” V whispered, “But I’ll manage. And you’ll manage.”

He tried to convince himself more than Kerry really, and Kerry’s little grin told him that he knew that just as well. So, he just kissed him once more for good measure.

“I’ll give ya a call as soon as I’m out and I’ll be all yours for the rest of the day. Promise.”

“Okay,” Kerry nodded, beard brushing against V’s lips briefly. Then he withdrew, and V slowly lifted his hand to the doorhandle.

He wasn’t sure how, but somehow, he made it out of the car eventually. Exited the steel and gold colored Guinevre, waved Kerry goodbye briefly as he slowly drove off towards Charter Hill. Then he entered the MedCenter with his heart beating in his throat.

Finding the right name plate on the right room turned into a downright scavenger hunt in the hospital’s endless white hallways that all looked the same. A kind med-tech pointed V into the right direction eventually and opened the door for him. Now he was sitting in a too comfortable armchair in Dr. Fuente’s office. He had been a little early, but she was close to running late. V wasn’t sure if he liked it better that way or not.

His neck was stiff and hurt, partially from the accident still, but also from sleeping on the couch last night, huddled up to Kerry closely. After their pizza had arrived, they’d watched old movies until they both eventually dozed off. Falling asleep to the bad audio of an old action film and Kerry’s soft snoring had been another of those moments he wouldn’t have minded lasting a lifetime.

He pulled up the files on Fuentes again, gave them another quick read. Nix had sent them late last night and V had studied them over breakfast this morning. He had come to the same conclusion as the Afterlife’s resident netrunner: nothing too out of the ordinary with this doctor. At least on the surface.

Isabella Fuentes was born January 19th, 2024, in Puerto Rico. When she was two, the family moved to Tucson, Arizona. She was divorced, had two daughters, both adults around V’s age. One moved to Los Angeles two years ago, the other still studied at NCU. Fuentes herself had come to Night City with a medicine scholarship for the same university back in the middle of the century.

So much to the pretty ordinary basics. But V perked up when he learned that soon after finishing her studies, Fuentes worked for BioDyne for a considerable number of years. During their first meeting she had been quite adamant about not having any loyalties to that particular corporation. Nix was unable to turn up details on why – or how – she left, but that she got out of the corporate world alive after such a long time spoke for itself. BioDyne may not have been as militaristic as Arasaka, but V doubted they just let go of long-term employees without repercussions for either side.

After the end of her corporate career, Fuentes worked for Trauma Team briefly, in the field. She was injured during the time of the Unification war, although not related to war activities. She continued on the administrative side as she recovered and eventually took on her current role at the MedCenter’s neurology department. Ever since the end of the war she’d been exactly there, predominantly helping veterans and contributing to studies in her field. A long and remarkable career so far, even if not nearly as prestigious as it could have been with her prerequisites. V was certain there were parts of her past she would like to avoid talking about, and Nix had offered to dig deeper into some aspects… But for now, V was content with what he had. The rest would be determined by how this meeting went.

It was almost 10:15 at this point, no sign of the doctor still. V took a deep breath and looked around the room. The office was on one of the higher floors of the building. Not overly large or impressive, but it had a decently sized window. The shutters were closed, sadly, otherwise the view across Little China may have been quite beautiful this morning. All light came from some simple embedded ceiling lights, a warm white glow, a barely audible hum. The furnishings were sparse, a large grey desk front and center, two armchairs, an office chair, all upholstered with white synleather. V had uncomfortable flashbacks to Blue-Eyes’ office, but this room was thankfully too narrow for secret floor compartments containing synthetic bodies. The wall to his right was lined with shelves displaying mostly books, documents, and data shards, as well as a few personal items. Some quaint figurines that could’ve been Mexican, but V wasn’t sure. Souvenirs from a trip long in the past. There also were some tiny, colorful flowerpots that looked like they were hand-painted by children, containing even tinier succulents that may have been just plastic. To his left, on the wall opposite to the bookshelves, was a door, but not the one he had entered through. Just when he finished the thought, V suppressed a wince as the door right behind him slid open and a slightly out of breath Dr. Fuentes finally entered her office.

“Please excuse the delay, I had an emergency this morning and my whole schedule is shifted now,” she said, then stopped by V’s side briefly, extending a hand. V got up to shake it.

“Good morning, first of all,” she said, nodding and smiling politely, “I’m happy you’re back. You look better already than last week.”

“Thanks,” V said briefly and sank back into his chair while Fuentes went to open the window shutters, letting in some natural light. She hung her white coat over the backrest of her chair then sat down across from V behind her desk and folded her hands on her lap. Intelligent dark eyes were fixated on him, and V tried not to let his thoughts run too wild just yet with assumptions and theories about potential ulterior motives on her side.

“Alright,” Fuentes said as she had finally caught her breath again, “I suggest we cut straight to the chase.”

“Yes,” V nodded, “Thank you again for taking the time.”

“Of course,” Fuentes nodded, “I have to admit, I have been thinking about you and your case a lot these past days. Even with the limited knowledge I have so far, I still believe I may be able to help. If you are willing to tell me more about your condition now.”

‘Willing’ wasn’t the word V would’ve used. It was more a necessity at this point that he got help.

“I will,” he said, “But only if you can provide me with a certain level of security.”

Fuentes shifted in her chair slightly and frowned, then she opened one of the drawers of her desk and pulled out a tablet. She turned it on and began to search for something on it while maintaining eye contact with V as best as she managed.

“You’ve come here today as my patient. As far as I’m concerned, everything, anything that we discuss, falls under the doctor-patient confidentiality. My contract with the Little China MedCenter binds me to treat your data and information with utmost care and discretion. All data we store is locked away securely, all in accordance with your Trauma Team policy. I can resend you the patient information papers and contracts, although I think most of them you should already have…”

“I care less about the MedCenter than about what you personally do with the information I’m going to give you,” V said, and Fuentes stopped her search, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“I’m not sure what you’re alluding to,” she said, still polite, but shoulders visibly more tense than before.

“Nothing,” V shook his head carefully, “This is just not something I tell every random stranger on the street… no offense, of course.”

He paused.

“If I have to play with open cards, I need you to as well.”

A short, knowing smile flashed across Fuentes’ lips, and again, it was for just a split-second. V had known he was onto something from the first moment they ever looked at each other face to face. The question was not whether or not Fuentes could help him, but if he even wanted her to help him.

Fuentes put the tablet down and leaned back in her chair, brushing a black and grey curl out of her face. The late morning light coming in through the window right behind her framed her in a hazy golden glow, almost as if she wasn’t real, just wishful thinking in a hopeless situation.

“Alright,” she said calmly and nodded, “It is only fair.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, then rested her chin on her interlocking fingers.

“I know very well who you are, V. They call you ‘King of the Afterlife’ on the streets. A mercenary with a background at Arasaka’s department for Counterintelligence, and that’s only where the rumors and hearsay begin... Admittedly, I wonder how much of it all is true.”

V wasn’t surprised. He was certain his old Trauma Team records from his time at Arasaka were still stored somewhere. They must’ve come up when the hospital checked his insurance status after the accident. And the hearsay and rumors, well… Didn’t have to pay a fixer much for that kind of superficial intel.

This was not what he had hoped she would open their conversation up with, but it was a start.

“From my experience, telling the truth is the easiest way to make people believe you’re lying,” he decided to say. Fuentes chuckled briefly, then nodded, serious as ever. She looked him directly in the eyes, piercing, trying to read his thoughts. He wondered if she had cyberoptics – probably, as a neurosurgeon, and with her age. Doubtful though whether she had the means to covertly scan his system and biometrics. She wouldn’t be very successful either way, and the little information of him that was on public record he didn’t care about people knowing.

“Is it true you’re one of the best that money can buy?” she then asked with sincerity. Regardless, this time V was at least a little taken aback by how sudden and straightforward the question came.

“And I thought you wanted to help me, not the other way around…”

He leaned back in his chair too now and crossed his legs loosely. Undoubtedly, he was intrigued by this turn of the conversation, but at the same time his guts twisted into a knot.

“I think we can help each other,” Fuentes said, “And we both have a lot to lose.”

“Is that so?”

She smiled sadly, then shook her head.

“No, actually, I lost a lot already. And not even Night City’s best mercenary could bring it back,” she said, voice calm and composed, “But I would be satisfied just with plain revenge as well.”

The fire in her eyes was reignited, the same fire from their first meeting, the same anger Takemura had always spoken with about “restoring his honor” while to V it had always sounded more like a thirst for revenge at the core. Restoring an order that couldn’t be restored when he could’ve, should’ve just turned his back to the Arasakas the moment he had the chance.

Something like that was easy to say for V, of course, who hadn’t dedicated his whole life to a corporation.

And now, Fuentes, mysteriously non-associated with her former employer BioDyne, spoke of revenge. That could only mean trouble, and V hoped not to a similar degree as with Goro and the Arasakas.

“Not a fan of revenge,” he said truthfully, “It rarely solves anything and only creates more problems, usually.”

Fuentes laughed dryly.

“So what, live and let live?”

“Focusing on just living so far has at least brought me further than trying to get back at everyone who ever wronged me.”

“Maybe you haven’t been wronged badly enough yet then. You’re still young,” Fuentes smiled, but her eyes didn’t. V considered her words for a moment. Somewhere in the distance a barely audible announcement droned over loudspeakers, calling doctor so-and-so to room this-and-that. Otherwise, it was eerily quiet in this part of the hospital. No beeping machines, no hectically running people in the hallways. V began to understand why she’d wanted to meet him in her private office instead of an examination room downstairs now.

“Back in April I was shot in the head by my fixer and dumped in a landfill,” V then said, “I think I’ve been wronged a fair amount in my life so far. Although that surely takes the cake.”

He paused for a moment.

“Admittedly, had I had the chance, I’d returned him the favor. Although, I wouldn’t have called it revenge. Justice suits me better.”

Fuentes said nothing for a couple of moments, just studied his face. V could see her thoughts racing, although he wasn’t quite sure about her next move just yet.

“That’s your old injury?” she then simply asked and picked up her tablet again. She pulled up his brain scans and sat it down in the center of the desk so they both had a good view of the screen.

“A degeneration like this is nothing I’ve ever seen caused by a mere gunshot wound,” she said, “Although, I don’t recall someone still standing in front of me and talking normally with an injury as deep and massive in that general area of the brain…”

V’s pulse sped up just slightly when she looked back up at him again, inquisitive and head tilted slightly.

“You were very lucky…”

“’Luck’ doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface,” he said, peeling away at his cast again. The little plastic barrier between his left thumb and index finger was smooth as glass already from his consistent fidgeting with it.

“Was… or rather, is it an infection?” she continued to inquire, “I can imagine, ending up in a landfill barely alive with a wound like that…”

“I guess you could call it that, although not from the cause you assume,” V smirked, suppressed a chuckle. He almost heard Johnny’s disapproving scoff, saw him in the corner of the room leaned against the shelf, flipping him off with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. Almost, not really. Not like he used to be able to.

“You remember the murder of Saburo Arasaka?” he tried to bring himself back into the conversation, out of his head. He wanted to bait the doctor some more, get her intrigued.

Fuentes seemed confused but nodded.

“His son killed him, or so was the conclusion in the end. Although, I remember assassins were blamed for it at first, hired killers. It was all over the news for weeks, until the parade. Then that was all over the news…”

Slowly, it began to dawn on her.

“You were involved in that?”

“Unwillingly, not directly,” V quickly clarified, “But before I explain how this is all connected and important… What do you want from me?”

Fuentes slumped back into her chair slightly and cleared her throat, disappointed almost.

“Would you be open to a job even if it boils down to a simple act of revenge?” she asked, then huffed amusedly, “I never would have guessed to ever ask a self-proclaimed mercenary that question.”

“Yeah, we’re generally pretty amoral people, all the way through to our cold, money-filled hearts,” V said bluntly, and Fuentes cheeks turned a slightly darker shade. She cleared her throat.

“Don’t worry, I’m joking,” V added after keeping her in suspense for at least a little bit, “Whether or not I take a job usually depends on what I can gain from it, so… Tell me the details. I’m listening.”

“You are very different from how I imagined you,” she then sighed, avoiding answering again, “I was surprised the other day already, but I chalked it up to the shock, your medication...”

V shifted in his seat slightly but tried to keep his posture relaxed and open.

“What did you imagine?” he asked.

“I’m not even sure anymore,” she said, “Less strings attached… or rather, different strings altogether.”

“You thought, ‘I’ll just hire someone to solve my problem for me, how complicated can it be’?”

V couldn’t hold himself back, because very often it boiled down to that. Not that he minded it particularly. Fuentes shrugged.

“Maybe,” she said, “In the end, it doesn’t matter. We’re here now and… And if you can help me with my problem, I’m more than willing to help you with yours free of charge in exchange.”

“Money’s not an issue,” V said, as Kerry had reassured him many times before as well. Truthfully, he still hoped he could somehow get out of having to assist her revenge plans, whatever they were.

“Well… regardless, you may not have a choice but help me.”

And here it was, the catch V had been waiting for, as if she’d read his mind.

“Why don’t we finally stop with the games, and you tell me what you want,” he said, no longer hiding his growing impatience.

Fuentes slowly turned to open a drawer on the other side of her desk. She pulled out a small black shard case, somewhat old-fashioned looking. Carefully, almost as if she feared it could shatter, she placed it on the desk and then slowly slid it closer to V without letting go.

“Have a look,” she said, “Far from a professional dossier, I fear, but I hope it helps as a start.”

V reached out to take the case and ejected the contained shard. He knew the model, knew that even if Fuentes had put a daemon or virus on it and this whole meeting was an elaborate trap, his system had enough countermeasures built in to catch it before it could cause any real damage. Not letting his hesitation shine through he inserted the shard into his free neck slot. A handful of files popped up on his interface, indeed not in the quality or as organized as he was used to from his fixers. But it was a more than decent start for the work of an amateur like Fuentes.

He opened a video clip front and center among the files. It was only a few seconds long and looped, showing a man around Fuentes’ age, maybe a bit older. The quality of the footage wasn’t the best, as if illegally captured from a public camera feed. The man wore a dark suit but was otherwise rather non-descript. Light hair, glasses… ironically, the same way Fuentes kept reminding him of Takemura, this man reminded V of Hellman. He had to do a double take, but no, the more often he saw him get out of a Delamain cab and hurriedly walk towards the entrance of what appeared to be a hotel, the more certain he was that this wasn’t Hellman. V skimmed through the other documents attached.

“Nathaniel Sutter,” he said, as he began to read through the files, “The name rings a bell… Not sure why though…”

Fuentes shrugged slightly and shook her head.

“It would surprise me if you knew him,” she said, “He is good at keeping a low profile, always has been. Finding a way to get to him, wherever he is at the moment, would be part of your job.”

“Last known place of residence Palm Street 78, Apartment 3, Charter Hill. Back in March still. Worked at BioDyne as a high-ranking researcher, manager… stopped active work for the corporation five years ago but remains on the executive board until today,” V summarized what he could gather from the files, some of them internal BioDyne documents he was certain were not meant for outsider’s eyes. Others were reports from business magazines, newsfeed articles, and so on, also not his go-to reading material. But he was certain he’d seen the name before somewhere.

“Let me guess…” he said after copying the data over and ejecting the shard again to return it to its case, “He ruined your career and you wanna get back at him as a late revenge, forever leave him in the unknown about what he did wrong?”

Fuentes smiled and shook her head as she took the shard back from V.

“No,” she said, holding the case gently between her fingertips before slowly looking back up at him, “I want his last thoughts to be regret. I want him to know that it was me who had him killed, and that it was for stealing my life’s work for nothing but the furtherment of his pathetic career.”

She spat her words out like venom, her eyes burning with disdain. V was quick to put two and two together. Also, he liked her bravado. He preferred clients that wanted their targets to know exactly why they met their demise over those who wanted him to do all the dirty work to keep their own conscience and hands clean.

“So, I think what you want is justice as well, not revenge,” he said after a short pause.

“What’s the difference, in your opinion?” Fuentes asked, leaning back in her chair again, eyebrows raised and shrugging slightly.

“Revenge is all about emotion,” V said, “You wronged me, so I’ll wrong you back, because I’m pissed or upset or otherwise hurt. Emotions always make things complicated. Justice, on the other hand, is logical. You analyze what went wrong, how you’ve been wronged… and then find an adequate punishment.”

Fuentes chuckled.

“A mercenary or a philosopher?”

“Neither,” V said, “Not really.”

Fuentes had no response to that, only smiled as if something had just clicked into place. V took the opportunity to change the subject away from him again.

“So, you did work on what they’re now marketing as the cure for MS?” he asked and finally Fuentes nodded. She let out a heavy sigh, her eyes drifting across her bookshelves briefly before finding V’s again.

“Of course, in the end, it was all in the name of BioDyne,” she explained, “It had always been a project intended to create great profits for people already a hundred times richer than what six generations of my family ever called their own. But somewhere deep down I was convinced, young and naïve, that regardless it was an innovation that could save the lives of thousands one day.”

“Was he your supervisor?” V asked, once more pulling up the video of Sutter and sending a handful of somewhat decent still frames to Nix for a quick background check. He would’ve loved to dig up some dirt on him himself, but if Fuentes kept her word he’d still be occupied for a while here for further testing and examination of his symptoms.

“We both started at BioDyne almost at the same time, both fresh out of university,” she explained, “He came here from a different city, and we bonded over both being outsiders in NC. Originally, we also shared similar goals, but somewhere down the line something changed.”

“Heard that story a million times before,” V said, exaggerating, but Fuentes just nodded again, knowingly.

“It’s as old as time,” she said, “But it still hurts, looking back… Anyway yes, you guessed right, he ruined my career – but not even in the sense that I was focused on advancing it. My primary goal was furthering my research, helping people. Long story short, something somewhere was going on in another department of the company, and because of it, even though we were ready, we weren’t allowed to publish our work.”

“Marketing schemes?” V wondered aloud, remembering similar ploys from Arasaka. Two departments that didn’t even know of each other’s existence influenced each other’s operations, which caused many frustrations on both sides. A handful of times it had been down to V and his subordinates even to play two departments against each other to test morale and company loyalty. He was sure all big corporations worked similarly on the inside.

“I have no clue,” Fuentes only shrugged, “I just know one night I went home none the wiser, and the next morning all my data and findings were gone because I had complained about the management’s practices.”

“To Sutter?” V asked and Fuentes nodded.

“He was also the only one who had access to my data, knew where I stored some more obscure findings that weren’t even relevant to our research. It was all gone, and I was told to pack my stuff and leave. And to better keep my mouth shut or else I’d never find work in my field again.”

“How long ago was that?” V asked, just to be sure the information Nix had given him matched up with her story.

“Fifteen years this year,” Fuentes said.

“A long time,” V nodded, “Why now the sudden lust for revenge?”

Fuentes smiled sadly.

“Because the cure is out now and people are being helped,” she said, “I saw some first results and findings, read the recent studies they conducted, and everything is working as intended. I don’t care anymore what happens now, as long as I can be sure my work wasn’t in vain.”

V frowned.

“Your work for BioDyne wasn’t in vain then, no,” he said, “What about you helping me though, what timeline of events are you picturing here?”

If she would only help him after he took care of Sutter and then instantly got assassinated by BioDyne agents, V would’ve been used as nothing but a tool once more. That he refused.

“I guess that depends on how urgently you need my help,” she said, “And how invasive my help is going to have to be.”

She finally returned the shard case to her desk, and V noticed now that there were some additional little clicking noises – a secret compartment probably, as she should keep something like that in one.

“Shall we begin with the classic ‘how are we feeling today, Mr. Ezaki?’, or would you like to continue where we left off, with the infection and the gunshot wound?”

The pit in V’s stomach grew as there really was no way to evade the topic anymore now. Fuentes had played with open cards, given him a decent bunch of incriminating information that he may as well use against her this instant if he wanted to. She’d put her trust in him, now he had to do the same.

“I will omit some details here and there, as they’re not relevant to my current situation anymore,” he began slowly, “And I want to protect the identities of some people – and you from knowing too much, too.”

“Of course,” Fuentes said calmly. V took a deep breath and steeled himself to tell his story once more, and once more as well to a person he barely knew.

“How familiar are you with Arasaka’s ‘Secure your Soul’ program?”

“Somewhat, but only on a superficial level,” Fuentes said, “It didn’t work as intended, as far as I know, but I can do some more reading on it.”

“If you need anything, I can also send you some more substantial data on it. It technically isn’t even classified anymore, was all part of the data leaks.”

More or less, at least.

“Sure…” Fuentes said, “Although I’m not sure I can follow why this is important. Wasn’t ‘Secure your Soul’ marketed as a means to speak to the dead, basically? What the engrams were actually used for in the end we’ll not delve into just now, but… You’re alive, most certainly.”

“Yeah… somewhat.”

V sat up straight again, cleared his throat, and began to recount the events that were set in motion at No-Tell-Motel in the early morning hours of April 17th 2077. He left out most details, especially about the hunt for Hellman, Evelyn’s involvement and what became of her. He didn’t mention Alt or Johnny by name and omitted all that happened in Dogtown entirely.

What he told Fuentes about was the Relic kickstarting him back into life, somehow, Johnny’s presence and his engram creeping into his brain. He explained how the Relic 2.0 was supposed to work and that his didn’t as intended and yet even better than imagined by its creator. He tried to explain what happened at Mikoshi, and how he felt like afterwards, ever since… Blue-Eyes he decided not to mention yet, but he touched upon trying varying “therapies”, of which the most recent one had many undesirable side-effects.

Fuentes listened with great attention, rarely interrupted him, and when she did, only to clarify the more medical aspects V touched upon. She noted down his symptoms during his attacks back then and now, and requested access to any of the scans Vik had done during all this time to get an idea of the overall development of his physical and mental state in the last months.

“So, if I’m understanding you correctly,” she eventually said after V had concluded his story, “The V I’m talking to right now, your personality, memories, and so on… is all stored on the biochip as an engram?”

Hearing it spelled out like that by a stranger somehow made sound even more surreal than it was. Or a slap in the face, a reality check V didn’t want or need.

“Can you understand now why this is not something I want to be public knowledge?” he asked, and Fuentes nodded pensively. She leaned back in her chair for a moment, looked up at the ceiling, then returned her attention back to her tablet.

“Your brain scans seemed so normal though,” she said, pulling the images up again as if she needed to be sure, “Well, a mild concussion, but other than that…”

“That’s beyond what I’m able to explain,” V said, “Some of my previous doctors said brain scans could seem normal on the surface, because my body has to be kept up and running somehow. There is some brain activity, but all higher functions are carried out on the Relic. The chip itself undid some of the damage from the gunshot because it tried to mimic, recreate the engram’s brain. I’m not even sure how far completed the process was, but given how easy it was for him to take over in the end, pretty far I guess.”

V's stomach turned at the thought, the memories, the feeling of sheer helplessness as he could only watch as Johnny piloted his body. Wondering still what happened during the times when he was fully blacked out, as Johnny had never been a fan of telling the whole truth.

Fuentes folded her hands on the table again, brow furrowed and studying V’s face.

“Your own engram can’t settle back in the same way… why exactly?”

“The Arasaka-AI I spoke to said the process I underwent couldn’t be reversed. My theory is that, since this specific Relic is a faulty prototype, it simply is incapable of kickstarting another process of rewiring my brain again. Or even if it could, my body has been through too much already to be able to take such radical adjustments.”

“Some radical measures may be needed indeed,” Fuentes said quietly, and V shivered, “But I am taking into account that you’re currently not in good health and we have to be careful. If you’re willing to accept my help still, of course.”

“I would like to hear out your plan at the very least,” V said, not trying to let his desperation show, “And, for my friends’ sake... maybe you can give me your opinion how bad it is. How much time I got left if things go on like they do currently.”

Fuentes nodded, then they both went quiet for a couple of seconds.

“This Arasaka-AI…” she broke the heavy silence, “Did it ever occur to you that it may have been lying about your condition?”

V thought about it for a moment.

“To gain what exactly?” he wondered.

“Not sure, just a thought,” Fuentes shrugged, “An AI created by Arasaka surely would act in Arasaka’s best interests. In this case, discourage you from leaving and carrying all their secrets out into the world.”

V shuddered, hoped that Fuentes didn’t notice it.

“The engram might’ve done it instead of me, had I given up my body,” he said, he hoped, “Besides, it’s a little bit more complicated than that with this particular AI. But that’s none of your concern.”

“Alright,” Fuentes nodded, “As I said, it was just a thought.”

She picked up her tablet again, read through her notes. Then she motioned to get up from her chair, setting the tablet back down, but hesitated.

“May I have a look at the chip?” she asked, still in her chair waiting for V’s okay. He froze.

“Just the slot, examine it externally,” she clarified, made tapping gestures.

V shifted in his seat slightly.

“I’d just… ask you to be careful.”

“Of course,” she nodded, then got up and slowly walked around her desk, past the bookshelves, coming to a halt to V’s right.

“May I?” she asked, smiling, and moving gently, as if she could sense his tension and fear. She probably could, to be fair. She motioned wanting to touch his head and neck, and after another couple of seconds of hesitation V nodded and turned his head away to bare his neck ports. Fuentes put one hand on the back of his neck, the other on his head, gently and slowly turning it to get a good look.

“Is this alright?” she made sure, “If at any point it hurts, let me know.”

“It’s fine,” V said, his voice much quieter and timid than he wanted. His whole body was tingling from tension and anxiety.

Fuentes’ hand wandered from the back of his neck to the ports behind his ear, embedded directly into his nervous system and connecting what was left of him on that chip with what was left of his body.

“This one?” she said, tapping beside the port that contained the Relic, and V shivered, his entire skin covered in goosebumps in an instant. He couldn’t reply.

“Does it hurt?” Fuentes asked gently, “It doesn’t look infected but…”

“Been having issues with these ports since I was a teen,” V explained briefly, “Didn’t take an upgrade well one time and ever since they’ve been prone to act up.”

“I see…” Fuentes nodded, “I bet slotting an experimental biochip in there didn’t improve the situation.”

“No...”

She let go of his head again and moved away slightly to give him space. V took a deep breath and almost reflexively his hand shot up to his neck, brushing over the slots as if to make sure they were still there.

Fuentes leaned against the edge of her desk, her arms crossed.

“You ever take the metro?” she asked after a pause, “Hang out in shady bars and dark alleys?”

“What?” V squinted up at her, hand still covering the Relic.

“I’m just wondering what you’re doing against picksockets,” she explained calmly, but her brow deeply furrowed with worry, “Or in general, any other protective measures you utilize to not have someone come up at you and yank this from your neck.”

V dropped his hand and began to fumble with his cast again.

“Doing everything in my power,” he said quietly at first, but at the same time, anger welled up in him. At his situation, not at the doctor necessarily.

“I’m well aware how risky it is to just step out the front door like a normal person, when my life is far from that. But… what’s the alternative? Lock myself up until I die?”

Fuentes nodded pensively, understandingly.

“You mentioned this therapy you tried… You think the medication has increased this feeling of apathy, of not being able to voice your thoughts clearly? How long since you’re not taking the pills anymore?”

“Just a day,” V said, not exactly happy about the topic change either.

“Do you feel clearer now than you did a few days ago?”

He paused to really think it through. His emotions were all over the place, the last few days had been an intense firework of horrible impressions and new, uncomfortable discoveries. He’d had troubles being honest with Kerry, although, their argument yesterday morning, even if it hurt, had been very straightforward. Much more so than many of the other conversations they’d had lately.

“I… can’t say for sure,” he said, “Maybe. But I’ve had clearer days in-between occasionally, too.”

“Alright,” Fuentes said, then she walked back to her chair to sit down. She looked at V intensely again for what seemed like an eternity. He didn’t recall the last time he felt as naked while being fully clothed.

“Knowing your case a bit better now, I see two main problems. The first: the decline of your physical and mental health. Your deteriorating nervous system, seizures, depression, depersonalization, and so on. That is something I need to examine more closely, put you through some tests. And we have to run a whole bunch of scans, unfortunately. Some we can do today, but others take some time and require planning in advance.”

“Yay, tests and scans,” V said as unenthusiastically as possible, and he didn’t even have to try hard.

Fuentes chuckled.

“I know, you’ve probably been through that a lot with your previous doctors. If you still have their findings available, I’d love to see them, too.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” V said, raising his hand to slow Fuentes down, “But can you tell me like… in general if you have any plan, any idea of how to tackle this already? Just so I know where I’m at.”

In fact, he solely wanted, needed something concrete beyond “we need to do tests” that he could tell Kerry. A sliver of hope, a promise, maybe, that V didn’t need to keep but the doctor. He needed someone else who could take the blame if things went down south if he was being completely honest.

“That would bring me to your second main problem: the biochip continuously taking up a slot in an already strained system while being extremely exposed to external influences,” Fuentes said, “There’s a reason why these slots are not intended for long-term usage, and we rely on built-in cyberware solutions for permanent modification purposes. In your case, you currently have no other choice, of course. But it is still something that should be tackled in the short rather than the long term.”

Fuentes turned the tablet back on and opened V’s brain scans in a program that allowed her to draw onto the 3D-model, visualizing her ideas.

“I should preface this by saying that yes, your case is unique. I’ve never done anything like this before. I have an idea, but I need to do a lot of research and preparations first, still… and you can use that time to prepare everything else you feel you need to prepare… Just in case, if you catch my meaning.”

V swallowed.

“That invasive, then, huh?” he tried to joke to ease the tension. Fuentes smiled sadly. She drew some lines along the backside of the scan of V’s head.

“My current idea is to create a safer container and environment for the chip inside your skull,” she explained, “We can make use of the existing connections… it will have to stay in its port, obviously, but we can pull it inside as a whole and place it roughly here maybe.”

She drew a vertical line along the back of his skull, right at the base.

“The exact spot I’ll have to determine once I have a full scan of your system configuration, nervous system, and so on,” she added, “And yes, the procedure how I’m picturing it right now will be invasive, painful, probably leave scars… but it will contribute to stabilizing the Relic’s overall state, having it in a container actually designed to hold it long-term.”

“I see,” V said, but he struggled to take in the information, even though Fuentes seemed extremely confident and competent in the way she explained and sketched out her thoughts.

“In regard to your deteriorating health, well,” she said after a moment of contemplation, “As I said, I need to run tests first. We need to take as much strain from your body as possible, you need to rest, relax.”

“Easier said than done. There’s an BioDyne executive board member I’ve been asked to kill.”

Fuentes’ face twitched briefly, and she just nodded.

“I know,” she said, voice heavy, “But as I said, there may be no way around it.”

V frowned.

“I think the best way to tackle your health concerns, would be a modified version of the nanobots we used in our studies at BioDyne back then,” she explained, “They’re not the same anymore as the ones utilized in the current treatments, BioDyne heavily controls their usage too. Obviously. But I know for a fact that Sutter kept some of our prototypes to himself, secretly of course. Gloating, and so sure of himself he’d never be discovered.”

V was tempted to ask for a moment what Sutter would keep them for, but with the information he had on him currently, the answer was obvious: to sell them at a huge profit should things ever go awry with BioDyne. Every single person rising high enough in the ranks of a corporation had exit plans like this. Had V not spent his last 6 months at Arasaka high out of his mind most of the time, had he not invested his spare time and money into drugs and random hookups but an exit strategy, he probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Admittedly though, he wasn’t sure where he would be sitting instead, and if he’d be any happier or maybe even more miserable.

“And you could reprogram these prototypes to… reprogram my nervous system, fix all the damages, basically?” V concluded.

“That would be my approach, yes.”

He leaned back in his chair again, rubbed his forehead, his temples throbbing slightly.

“This therapy I tried,” he said, “The one with the bad side effects. I think that one utilized nanobots as well.”

Fuentes tilted her head.

“You think it utilized nanobots?” she asked, “Your doctor didn’t discuss their use with you?”

“It’s… complicated.”

He lowered his hand and looked back at her again.

“Believe me, the less you know about this, the better. But I think I was given something as part of a treatment that I shouldn’t have been given. And I’m not sure how much damage it did. So, I’m a little wary about nanobots reorganizing my brain.”

“Understandable…” Fuentes said tensely, “Well… I can assure you at least that I will not administer anything to you that I did not thoroughly discuss with you before. And have your consent on.”

V nodded weakly, shrugged. Words meant nothing, deeds meant everything.

Fuentes eyes wandered back to her tablet, the 3d model, her notes.

“I wish I had something a little more substantial to offer at this point,” she then said, “I think I could already make a clearer assessment once we’ve run some initial tests.”

V let their whole conversation play in his mind again, trying to think if there was anything left he needed clarification on, anything he forgot to mention that would be important.

“You said that Sutter likely still has the nanobots,” he said, “What makes you so sure that he didn’t sell them years ago?”

Fuentes shuffled slightly, as V seemed to have hit the mark once more.

“Alright, there is one thing I wasn’t entirely honest about,” she said, and V steeled himself for whatever was to come.

“Well, now’s the time to spill it,” he said calmly, “Or I’m out the door.”

Fuentes’ eyes told him that she knew he was bluffing, but she also had to know that this would sooner or later backfire if she didn’t tell the whole truth.

“I’ve been keeping tabs on Sutter with the help of private investigators for years,” she explained, “As I said, he’s a slippery one, always extra sure to cover his tracks... But not impossible to find information on. Right before he disappeared off the face of the earth my P.I. at the time captured the video footage I already showed you, but… that’s just part of the clip. It goes on a bit further.”

“Where’s the rest of it?” V asked, but he knew the answer already.

“Not with me, not here, no,” she said, confirming his suspicion, “I can send it your way via some detours, just in case. But basically, he met with a businessman, and from what my P.I. told me and documented, I’m fairly certain he sold him the bots.”

V sighed.

“Then killing him will only be for your revenge purposes after all and not actually help me…”

Fuentes shook her head.

“No, no. He would still have the blueprints, I’m certain. He has to. He has a special memory chip, almost impossible to trace, that he kept all important data on that no one else should get their hands on.”

“In a ‘sell his nanobots but keep them too’ kinda way?” V asked, and Fuentes nodded.

“He prided himself with being so smart and playing everyone all the time. The chip is, according to him, pretty much unhackable, unretrievable. Killing him would instantly delete the chip’s contents, too, so, no point in doing that.”

“How to get your hands on it then?” V asked, “Cut it out of his body while he’s still alive?”

Fuentes said nothing, only looked down to her lap.

“Fantastic…” V sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Fuentes said, “There’s a reason I didn’t want to start off with this.”

“And you’re still not even sure if there is anything useful on the chip, mind you,” V said, trying to remain calm, “And you’ll still have to construct, reprogram, and get the nanobots working if I can get my hands on the blueprints at all. If I even manage to find Sutter. That is a lot of ifs in return for even more uncertainty.”

“Of course,” Fuentes said quietly, “I can promise you that constructing and adjusting the nanobots to work for your particular condition actually is not as complicated as it sounds. I would need a DNA sample from you from prior to the gunshot wound, but I’m relatively certain your profile is stored in your old Trauma Team records from your time at Arasaka.”

“Probably, yeah,” V said.

“There are means and ways, always,” Fuentes nodded.

“What if there are no blueprints, if he sold them together with the bots?”

“I could look into alternatives… constructing new bots from scratch would certainly take longer. A month or two but given your condition we might not have as long.”

“If I could get my hands on the bots from my therapy,” V suggested, “Could that help?”

Fuentes hummed.

“I would certainly like to take a look at them, yes. If only to tell you what exactly they’re doing and if they could be causing your symptoms.”

V shifted to reach into his jacket’s inner pocket, pulling out a ziplock bag with the pills coming from Mr. Blue Eyes. Fuentes’ expression was almost hilariously confused when he dropped the bag on the table.

“Don’t ask,” he said, “My Ripper thinks there’s nanobots embedded in these pills.”

“Not quite how you’d administer them, necessarily…” Fuentes mused as she picked up the bag and held it up against the light, “They’d have to dissolve over time or otherwise leave the body eventually, as you’d keep adding new ones by taking new pills. Not impossible, but the standard procedure is introducing them via the spine and extracting them again once their task is completed.”

“Everything about this whole situation is a special case,” V said, “I would say ‘I’d love to hear anything you figure out’… but actually, I’m not sure if I really do.”

Fuentes nodded sternly and put the pills away safely in the same secret compartment her shard on Sutter was stored in.

“I will have a look at them later,” she promised.

“Alright,” V said, holding on to the armrest with his healthy hand, “Anything else you can tell me that I need to know?”

“There is… one more thing,” Fuentes nodded, “I know where Sutter is.”

She paused, but V didn’t know what to respond.

“But you’ll still have to figure out how to get to him, I’m… drawing a blank on that.”

V squinted.

“You’re making it sound like he’s on the moon.”

Fuentes laughed weakly and tapped something into the search bar on her tablet.

“Almost.” she said. Then a familiar advertisement started playing on the screen.

*****************

>> Next Chapter

*****************

Notes:

This one has been in the works since January, and chapter 14 is almost done actually, as I let this one here sit and stew a bit in between, dreading the editing xD Ngl, when it comes to the medical stuff I always struggle a bit, because I want it to be realistic, but I also have no clue about much xD I hope this isn't all too long-winded and was still an enjoyable read with some twists and turns as V and Dr. Fuentes try to always keep the upper hand against the other, subtly!

I really wanted to develop the doctor a little bit more, give her an interesting background and shady goals and have those all make sense in the grand scheme of things... Maybe you can already guess where her enemy Sutter's exit strategy led him to, where V has to follow soon? 👀

Next chapter out hopefully soon! :D

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[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - January

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 27.01.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

I am happy about gif-requests 🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

And if you want to show me something, just let me know with #josistag

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in January with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. Cherry Magic (7/12 on Viu - Thai)

I love the japanese version and I try to not compare those two with each other. And I really like this version. I love TayNew together and the chemistry is so chemistrying. Even though I don't like GMMTV and the japanese network for their contract and copy right shit, I appreciate the english subtitles on Viu so we international fans still can enjoy the show. And I do enjoy it so much!

2. Cityboy_Log (11/? on Youtube - Korean)

Soon-to-be Idols, actors and models vlog their days of photo shoots and meetups and how they fall in love with each other. It is surprisingly good and the acting is excellent. It really feels like a "real" vlog and that is what we are all here for. I really enjoy those four men on my screen.

3. Cooking Crush (6/12 on Youtube -Thai)

I have to admit beside Not Me, I am not the biggest fan of OffGun. Their slapstick humour is just not mine. The episodes got quite better with time. It is not a much watch for me, but I like it.

4. Dead Friend Forever (1/12 on iQiyi - Thai)

Do I like horror? Nope, not at all. But so far I had fun with the first episode. Everytime there was some suypence I just looked away and as long as there are no creepy sounds I am good. The plot gives such a typical highschool/college horror vibe and I kind of like it.

5. For Him (1/12 on iQiyi - Thai)

I don't know if I will keep up with this one. Actingwise it is not that bad. We have to wait a bit for a deeper story. Right now it is just friends with benefits and I really hope there is something more to come. But a safe-sex-policy! I like that. And I forgot about this one... Guess it was a little bit much these past weeks. I don't know if I'll drop this at the end of the month or not...

6. Happy Ending (1/3 on Youtube)

In Strongberry we trust. Do I have to say more? I enjoyed the first episode. It is a miniseries about two highschool classmates who obviously like each other. One of them is remembering their time together in school as he is scrolles though his old diary. It has a nostalgic feeling.

7. Love for Love's Sake (6/8 on Gaga)

Oh I love this one so much! I missed a good korean bl! And now I wish I could have waited until it finished airing so I don't have to wait for them to finally fall in love. And I loooove Tae Myung Ha's voice so much! I love is character. And the plot is something unique and I am really interested where this is going! Just so good!

8. Pit Babe (11/13 on Youtube - Thai)

Ladies and Gentlemen! We have an Omegaverse! I am still in shock! I usually don't dive into the omegaverse, but I did read some webtoons. I am curious how they'll play it out. What the hell was this conversation about wanting kids? Is there mpreg? Why do I have to think about such stuff... It would be something different indeed. And as far as I can tell, this is going a direction I never thought I would go, but I go down that road anyway.

9. Playboyy (9/14 on Gaga - Thai)

I am intrigued! I needed to call my best friend and tell her about what I have seen. Not just the amount of sex and masturbation and wet dreams, but the way it is filmed. I am intruígued! It looks like a romantic dream combined with porn. It is so artsy and it feels like watching a ballet. In it the dance explains the plot and here the sex, the camera, the lightning and everything around the plot describe the plot. It is so good!

10. Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun (5/8 on Gaga - Japanese)

Toki is a little bit over the top for me, a little bit too goofy, but the obverall first impression was not that bad. And to be honest who didn't have a crush on a teacher during their school time? Mine was my german teacher in 10th grade. He was young and he wore leather pants. He was cool and really good at his job. I loved learning at that time.

11. Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (2/10 on Gaga - Japanese)

Love at first sight and a confession in the first episode. I hate the MDL comment section, saying Soga isn't pretty, and having a not so good looking actor playing that role seems interesting. What is wrong with people? First of all: He is damn pretty and second: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I liked the first episode and I am looking forward to the next one.

12. The Sign (10/12 on Youtube - Thai)

This series is so stunning. Visually very pleasing and storywise interesting. Does the latest conflict bewteen Phaya and Tharn was solved too smooth, to easy? Yes. Do I hate the doctor? Yes. Am I rooting for Phaya and Tharn? For sure! But I want more of those mystical creatures!

Finished in January

Series

BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen (3/3 on Gaga- Japanese)

I loved this one so much! This series gave me so much joy! I wasn't expecting this being so funny! It is hilarious, a little bit cringy, but for the right amount and not over the top. The characters are lovable and the managers are the best 😂 I want a spin-off please! This is a 10/10 for me

Twins (12/12 on Gaga - Thai)

It started strong for me, but after the main couple got together and there was this whole plot with Sprite not telling First the truth and Zee being a total asshole and this whole story, it lost me a little bit. I love a good enemies to lovers plot and til them became lovers, everything was fine. And they did reconsile really fast... it felt too rushed. But I still like the show. So I give this a 7 out of 10 for now.

Last Twilight (12/12 on Youtube - Thai)

I really wanted to love this til the very end. I really want to give this series a 10. I really only want to say nice things about it 😭 I loved everything about this series, he acting, the story, the main couple, the side couple, everything... until episode 11 happend. It just lost me. First I thought it was because of me, because I was a little bit cold hearted that day, but no. The feeling didn't go away that everything was to much... to over-emotional. And then episode 12 aired. And I yelled Fuck You at my screen. And every good emotion I had about this series was gone in a second. Perhaps I just pretend that the series ended with episode nine and Day going full blind and they managed their life together as a happy couple and their normal obstacles to overcome. 10 out of 10 for episodes 1-9 and 4 out of 10 for episode 10/11 and 1 out of 10 for episode 12.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped/On-Hold in January

7 Days before Valentine (1/12 WeTV)

I only watched the first episode and I couldn't stand Sunshine. After that I didn't come back. Perhaps I'll give it a try when it's finished airing. I don't know yet...

Looking forward to in January

Ossan's Love Returns (Jan 5th)

Time - Trailer (Jan 9th)

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Jan 11th)

Beside You - Trailer

Love For Love's Sake

[sturnstvs]

birthday surprise - matt sturniolo

summary: matt surprise his best friend with some special tickets

warnings: use of y/n

november of 2022 for most people could mean nothing. I mean it's just a month. not for y/n. the month of november 2022 was the month she went though the great war of trying to get taylor swift: the eras tour tickets and failed.

matthew sturniolo knew his best friend was a huge swiftie sense he could remember. she had gotten y/n through the best and worst times of her 19 years of life. through her best friend breakups, birthdays, friendships, and more. so when he heard that scarlet wasn't able to get eras tour tickets he was crushed.

taylor swift concerts were their thing. when y/n got her first concert tickets for the speak now world tour she couldn't be more happier. the friend that she was going to bring originally belled on her last minute so she wouldn't have anyone to go with (she said she refused to go with just her mom) matt came over that day hoping to see his best friend jumping for joy that her concert was that night however he soon came to find out that she was in fact in her room sobbing her eyes out not being able to go.

long story short matt offered to go with her. he couldn't let his best friend go alone. soon then on they went to every concert that they could together whether is was some concert y/n's mom dragged her to or it was taylor swifts: reputation stadium tour, he was always there.

matt knew deep down he had very hidden feelings for the girl so going to a concert with his best friend was not a huge deal even if his brothers teased him about it to this day.

and years later he knew he had to get her those tickets whatever it took.

he spent weeks if not months trying to scrounge up some tickets for them eventually he was able to get some.

in may for nashville. he decided to surprise her for her birthday with the tickets that he had gotten.

on the days leading up to her birthday y/n tried to find the happiness of not being able to get taylor swift tickets. normally she wouldn't be this salty about not getting tickets but it was never this hard to get them before. why was her ticket given to some 13 year old girl who had only heard of her popular songs?

y/n tried not to be petty she really did but it was more difficult then not.

matt always knew how to cheer her up though. with their song. sparks fly.

when they first heard this at the speak now tour back in 2011 they both decided that night that it would be their song. they have kept to their word years later always playing it when their in the car alone or they need to cheer one another up, it was always something they loved.

and even though the song did cheer her up a little bit. she was still unfortunately petty.

it was now january 27th and y/n's birthday was just mere hours away.

she woke up to the smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen

her favorite.

she walked into the kitchen with excitement

"hi boys" she greeted

nick and chris just grumbled in response. matt however greeted his best friend as well.

"hey my beautiful best friend" matt flirted

it wasn't abnormal for them to flirt with each other but it was different today it was like matt had actually meant it.

what y/n didn't know is he did mean it. every single word. he just wished that the best friend part wasn't there.

y/n just shrugged it off as he was probably just being extra friendly cause it was her birthday.

y/n took a seat at the table and began eating her pancakes in peace.

it had been a little while later when they were all gathered around the coffee table in the middle of the sturniolo's living room. y/n had just gotten done opening her present from chris which was a new perfume that she had been looking at.

"chris! this is the best thing ever!" y/n exclaimed going to give the longer haired boy a hug.

next was nick's present. she had opened it in anticipation ready to see what he had gotten her.

it was a folklore vinal and some jewlery.

"oh my god! thank you nick" nick hugged his best friend

next was matts. he was nervous for y/n to see what he had gotten. he got up from his spot on the couch making his brothers and best friend confused. he went to his room and grabbed two envelopes.

chris and nick looked at his brothers hand confused. why would matt of all people give his favorite person and the girl he had a crush on some cards?

"what is this" y/n asked

"just open it you'll see" matt told her a smile growing rapidly on his face.

she did just that. he had placed the envelopes in order of which she need to open them. she ripped the top one open revealing a note:

dear my favorite person ever,

I love you so much, and with it being your birthday I thought I would give you something that would mean more to you then anything else. happy birthday beautiful.

love matt

y/n read the note with sincerity in her eyes

"thank you matt" y/n smiled

"okay now open your other one" matt exclaimed waiting impatiently for her reaction

she opened the second envelope nervously she had no clue what it could be.

she saw some papers and grabbed them taking a look at what she had gotten from the boy.

she read it carefully making sure to read every little detail.

"oh my god" with that she bursted into tears.

matt had gotten her tickets to the eras tour.

chirs and nick who still looked confused asking her what she got

with shaky hands she showed them the two tickets.

"you did not!" nick jumped up

"yeah and I'm going with her" matt proudly said

y/n ran up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"thank you so fucking much" she whispered through tears

once she had calmed down matt made a comment

"well I guess I won in the present category" matt smugly said

"oh shut up" Chris rolled his eyes

y/n pushed her face more into matts chest. she couldn't wait to go to the eras tour with her favorite person.

[youmakemyhearthowl]

Punk Princess

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 (Next Part)

Hello and welcome to the story that I most would like to finish, It's been a while friends, and I have missed all of you. I'm going to go ahead and get this chapter uploaded now, it was written way back in January, when things started to go a little south for me in life, but I figured I could give you guy's this, while I work on making sure I can keep giving you this story in the most authentic way. So here's to you guys, and this shorter Chapter that I never got to release because life kicked me in the face. The next one I'm able to release, I want to be longer but I needed a 'fresh start' to keep telling this story and that meant getting this part out for you all to enjoy. And I really hope you enjoy. thank you for sticking around, and for being so understanding. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope I can keep bringing these boys to life for you soon<3

Steve had been on dates in the past, so he’s not really sure why he’s freaking out so hard to Robin while he’s getting ready. He knows how to do this, he used to be the king of doing this.

But it feels like so much more this time. 

Like life or death.

Which is so silly because Steve’s faced life or death before, and it was nothing like this. But god the panic he’s feeling is so all consuming at the moment he barely registers Robin's hands coming up to grasp his face, and squish his cheeks between them.

“I’m gonna need you to breathe, Dingus.” Steve lets out a soft whine when he registers her words, his eyes focusing on her soft smile. “What’s got you so panicked about this, Steve? You’ve been on dates before, and you already did the hard part of asking him out.” Steve brings his hands up to cup around hers and sighs, deflating completely. 

“What if like, what if he wants or-or expects more on the date? Like I know I’m a bit of a slut Rob’s, I own that shit, but, I’ve- I don’t know, what if that’s all he wants, like everyone else I’ve tried to be with? Like, I didn’t really have the best time with- with the hook ups when I was still figuring out my sexuality, you know?  And Eddie’s important, like so important and I just, fuck I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.” Robin squishes his face a little more as he talks, and his words come out a bit distorted. 

“Steve.”

“Yea I know, it’s dumb.” He casts his eyes to the side as she lets his face go. Hands sliding down his neck and arms till she’s holding his.

“It’s not dumb. But Steve don’t you want more on this date? I mean you’ve been talking about sitting on his dick for months now.” Steve groans, leaning forward to rest his forehead on hers taking a deep breath. 

“This is- Rob’s, I’m like, pretty sure I’m in love with the guy. I don’t think I’d survive if this was just a physical thing.” One of her hands releases his and comes up to flick his ear.

“So tell him that dumbass. You guys promised to communicate with each other, So do that.”

And just like that, a lot of that panic that was gripping his throat dissipates, a soft laugh bubbling up in his throat, because she’s right. Of course she’s right, she’s Robin. But that promise is literally the whole building block of his and Eddies relationship. That promise of Steve communicating, and Eddie taking the time to listen and vise versa. It’s what makes what they have now work.  

Steve leans forward and plants a kiss on Robin's nose that has her scrunching it at him. 

“What would I do without you, Robs?”

“Perish.”

“Fair enough”

~~

Steve has no idea why he was so nervous, walking through the woods with Eddie towards their date destination. Them- this, it’s easy. 

“Stevie, baby, light of my dreary life. You said drive-in movie, not fucking hike for an hour in the woods movie.” Steve laughs, glancing over to Eddie before reaching out and grabbing his hand, placing a swift kiss to his knuckles.

“It’s been like 10 minutes Eddie, and we’re almost there anyways.” Eddie shoots him a playful glare, yanking on their intertwined hands so Steve stumbles towards him slightly.

“Pretty sure you said that like, 3 hours ago.” Steve laughs, groaning and bumping his shoulder into Eddies.  Glancing sideways at him through his bangs, a soft swoop warming his lower stomach. 

“Eddie.”

“Steve.”

“Ed’s.”

“Stevie.”

“Edward.”

“Babygirl?”

Steve kinda short circuits at that, stumbling slightly and shooting a playful glare at Eddie, who's walking next to him with a self satisfied grin taking over his whole face.Steve can feel his blush deepening as he stares at him.

“You’re a little shit.” Steve finally settles on saying, glancing in front of them to make sure they are going in the right direction.  He doesn’t think he’s stopped smiling since the date started, and his face kind of hurts, but he’s so glad he was able to push past his worries and do this. All of this for Eddie. He can smell the food he cooked every now and then, when Eddie swings the picnic basket just right and he’s excited to get Eddie’s opinion on the Chicken Parm he’d made for them. 

Eddie squeezes Steve's hand gently, pulling his attention back over to him, and the smile Steve is met with is blinding. 

“So, what’s with the trek through the woods for a drive-in movie? You secretly a murderer?” Steve snorts so hard at the question he stumbles a bit, Eddie uses the hand he’s still holding to pull him back. “It’s a valid question, Princess. You’re a little bit lethal, and a whole lot hot while doing it.” Steve feels a chill go down his spine slightly at the words, flashes of Demodogs dancing past his eyelids, Billy’s fists mingling with the images. He almost wants to say ‘Yes cause I have to be.” But he holds his tongue, and flashes a cheeky grin in Eddie's direction.

“I’m not gonna murder you. Although if you show anyone where I’m taking you, I might.” He scratches at the back of his neck a bit. “It’s uh- it’s a special place I stumbled upon last year, when I couldn’t sleep one night. It was old and falling apart when I found it, but I’ve fixed it up good as new.” He glances over at Eddie again, seeing him nodding along as Steve talks, soft smile on his lips.” It’s high enough up that it’s got the perfect view of the Drive-in through the trees.” Eddie stops walking at that, using where they are still attached to pull Steve to a halt as well.

“Steeeeve,” He draws out the e’ in a whine, “you’re making me hike and climb?” He’s got his lip pouted as he looks at Steve, and Steve really can’t fight off the blooming warmth in his chest staring at the man in front of him.

“It’s up a ladder Ed’s, It won’t be too bad.”

“I agree on one condition.”

“That is?”

“You climb me afterwards.” Steve barks out a surprised laugh at that, and he can feel a warm blush spreading up his chest to his cheeks, Eddie smirks over at him. 

“I’m beginning to think you have no filter.” Steve muses aloud, knocking gently on a tree trunk as he passes it. 

“Beginning? Stevie, baby, beginning?” Eddie’s still got that smirk on his face as he uses a tree trunk to spin around and get closer to his space. Steve huffs out a laugh, using his pointer finger to push Eddie back by his nose as he glances around the woods trying to spot his marker on a tree he knows is near by. His eyes light up when they land on the soft blue cloth blowing in the wind. 

“Come on, the tree house is over here.” He can physically feel Eddie perk up at the words.

“Treehouse! Stevie, you have a secret treehouse out here?” Eddie stumbles over his shoe laces as he works to catch up to him, and he laughs. God when was the last time he laughed this much? And Just as he’s about to start climbing the ladder Eddies grasping his shoulder and spinning him around, pushing his back up against it and pressing his chest flush against him. There’s a mischievous twinkle in Eddie’s eyes as Steve looks at him questioningly, and Eddie leans in, his nose brushing along Steve's cheek. 

“You really look good enough to eat in that outfit Steve, and if I have to climb up this ladder behind you, neither of us are going to get to taste this meal you made us or see the movie.” Steve shivers at the purr in Eddie's voice as he leans even closer, lips ghosting over Steve’s ear. “So what do you say I do first pretty boy, before I just push you up against this ladder and take you right here.”

Steve suppresses a groan, leaning his head back against the ladder and arching himself more into Eddie, who’s hands come out and brace his hips.

“Down boy, I want to at least get to sample what my baby spent all morning cooking for me.” He laughs softly, planting a wet kiss to Steve’s cheek and shuffling him out of the way to start up the ladder, and if Steve has to take a second to readjust his pants before following him, that's between him and the trees. 

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 (Next Part)

@zerokrox-blog @manda-panda-monium @funnymagicman-named-dandy @feministfandomgeek @bejeweledbaby @phantypurple @redfreckledwolf @classicdinosaurdeathpose @grimmfitzz @lavender-butterfly-rock @maya-custodios-dionach @stevesoli @vampireinthesun @stevesbipanic @thatbitchgayasf @adaed5 @mo0nc4lf @steveisabicon @steddie-as-he-goes @definitely-notacrow @assholeachilleus @th3-r4t-k1ng @prettyboyandthemetalhead @allyricas @she-is-tim @freddykicksasses @homosexual-having-tea @counting-dollars-counting-stars @lilarosebabe @thev01dd

[chuwuyas]

about c&r

Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot

Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut

(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)

(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)

So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.

Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.

Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.

It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.

After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.

Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.

He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.

From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.

And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.

I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.

My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.

I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.

Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.

[onekisstotakewithme]

20 questions for fic writers 💜

tagged by the lovely @mihrsuri (I think more than once, although the other time was some time ago... thank you for the tag! 🥰💜)

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 221, not counting unrevealed ones from exchanges

2. what's your total ao3 word count? 1,417,178 words

3. what fandoms do you write for? Right now, mostly M*A*S*H and The West Wing, though I do occasionally dabble in other fandoms (Star Trek TOS, For All Mankind, etc.)

4. top five fics by kudos? 1) Ties That Bind - Star Trek (Spirk) 2) a wild call and a clear call (that may not be denied) - Star Trek (Spirk) 3) Uncharted Territory - M*A*S*H (Beejhawk) 4) ye who are weary, come home - M*A*S*H (Punnihawk, Charles/Donna, canon pairings, etc.) 5) you were meant for me - M*A*S*H (Punnihawk)

5. do you respond to comments? Not usually. I feel pretty guilty about it and I do try and go for a thank you note in the A/N at the end of each story/chapter, but my spoons are pretty limited. I do however cherish each and every comment, and if I have regular commenters, your username is probably carved into my heart. 🥺

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uhhh. That is a good question, because even if I write in angsty/bittersweet scenes, the endings are usually more hopeful or happy.

I guess my best answer to that is "let's do some living (after we die)" only because it's immediately followed by canonical character death. lmao.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? There are any number of stories you could pick for this one, haha. But I guess if I had to pick (twist my arm, why don't you!), then it's probably either "ye who are weary, come home" (OT3 Endgame!!!), OR "Make the Leap" (this one takes place on January 21st, 2007, so that and the title should make it self explanatory 😉)

8. do you get hate on fic? Not... really? Sometimes I'd get comments complaining that I should be writing a different pairing 🤷🏻‍♀️ (which..???) but I don't get much "engagement" to begin with usually, so I'm grateful that what I do get is for the most part positive. 🥰

9. do you write smut? Yep. Nothing super hardcore and not very often (because I am a self-conscious girlie haha) but I will write it. Posting it is another story. I want to do more, it's just getting over myself to do it. (if anyone has advice on how to proceed with getting over my self-consciousness, I'm ALL ears).

10. craziest cross over? I once, in my misspent youth, wrote a crossover between Downton Abbey and Titanic (it's still buried in the depths of my FFN page, alas it is unfinished.)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know, no.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! My one M*A*S*H Fic, "Here's Hoping We Meet Now and Then" (aka BJ puts the "GOODBYE" stones together with the help of the rest of the 4077) was translated into German by a dear friend of mine, Pat. And you can read that here.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? A few times in the distant past. Once recently (I'm sure you'll all see it soon enough!!) 😈... in general, I love the idea of getting to write with my fellow ficcers whom I cherish and admire, so I'd love to do more co-written fics.

14. all time favorite ship? I'm not picking one lmao. But if I had to? Probably CJ/Danny. They had everything. the chemistry. the will they/won't they. the yearnnnning. (Close runners-up are BJ/Peg/Hawkeye, Anna/Bates, Spirk... and Kate/Gibbs because I don't forget my roots).

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Triad Wedding. 😬 I got kinda burnt out and (at the time I finished it) went "eh no one will want to read this anyway" so now I have a 125k MASH draft on my desktop. It has... well, everything. Bisexual OT3 wedding. Mucho smut (more than I've ever published in one story before in my LIFE). Communication ✨. etc. It's been two years now, so even though there's a full draft, I don't want to promise that it'll ever be done. It needs a lot of work.

16. what are your writing strengths? Dialogue. I used to be terrified of writing dialogue, and now I think I'm decent at it. Staying in character, maybe?

17. what are your writing weaknesses? Pacing! Ask me why the 125k draft mentioned above is only seven days of in-universe time.

Also I could be better at worldbuilding. I know many authors who flesh out the whole universe and make it feel so breathable and lived in (Mia for example, she's a champ at that!) but that's still a work in progress for me. AND smut. I need to get better/more confident at that, but I've yet to learn how after six-odd years of writing it. 😐

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? I don't speak enough languages for that. Other authors can do it and do it convincingly. Not me tho.

19. first fandom you wrote in? Lost (baby's first fanfic, still buried in the depths of my FFN page); but I really got into it with Downton Abbey.

20. favorite fic you've written? I could give one of my usual answers about "ye who are weary" (because of the technical achievement of covering so many characters in one story), or "Don't Bet Your Future" (probably my MOST self-indulgent) but instead...

I really enjoyed writing "None of Us Are More Than Caretakers", guys. The season 7 secret relationship is one of my favourite time periods to cover for CJ and Danny, and getting to write this little "missing episode" between Last Hurrah and Institutional Memory was so much fun, and a great technical challenge. Plus it WAS self-indulgent because I got to write all the post-coital scenes we were robbed of in canon AND build up to the events of IM.

thank you again!!! and I'll tag whoever is interested and has a few free hours to kill! 💜✨