#now back to fandom posting hopefully
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some personal reflection on my late diagnosis and a few other stuff that might interest somebody or not.
I don't have ADHD, at least not "formally." I'm usually fine with not having qualified for an official ADHD diagnosis during my evaluation (even though a few professionals have argued that I should have had + my medication is ADHD-focused and it works) because I usually just need sensory/social accommodations and ASD covers that.
But it's absurd HOW LONG it took for me and the people around me to notice and accept how mentally hyperactive I am, because it carried me through my early academic life. So I was just "a very bright kid", not a single adult could tell (or, at least, no one thought of it as an issue) I was hyperfocused on and a bit obsessive about school because most subjects interested me, I couldn't control that drive nor my perfectionism and the good grades/the praise for them made me feel better about not understanding how to socialize with most other kids because they acted in ways that didn't make any sense and I was adamant that all of my actions could be reasonably explained to others since I was like five years old. So, yeah, we couldn't relate. I got along well with the weirdos though.
It's funny in a tragic way that sometimes adults can't tell you have socialization problems because you're well-spoken and mimic their communication patterns and don't have trouble following their instructions, but I assure you that the other kids CAN very much tell that you're not like them. (Fun fact: my mom DID notice that most other kids confused me and she was aware of/tried to help me through the bullying I suffered, but whenever I asked her opinion on the matter she just went "oh sweetie that's because you're around adults often and in this household we're all like this :D so it's only expected". LOL)
And since I couldn't have known that often overthinking to the point of tears AS A PRE-SCHOOLER (yes, I have memories of that) wasn't normal and assumed that everyone else had that many thoughts per second... well. That mental hyperactivity paired with the skills related to my special interest (linguistics) served me well until I crashed and suddenly had to navigate the world without the "high results" it allowed me to achieve as a kid.
And now I'm an adult who struggles with basic tasks like a toddler because I can't prioritize anything correctly unless I'm at gunpoint. And I'm perpetually underestimating my struggles, I try to convince myself on a daily basis that I'm just a regular 20-something mess in this world and that every young adult is like this simply because growing up is hard, so I must be trying to find excuses to be "lazy".
At least I know this experience isn't uncommon at all with late-diagnosed neurodivergent people.
I think I want to write more about my experiences. I might keep those reflections here since I (FINALLY) ditched T*itter and I don't want to do it anywhere with my IRL name. I feel even safer/detached here, typing in English instead of my first language has that effect xD
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#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#moondrop#<- dca.. they're back in town ...#not tagging sun bc thats just their head :p#anywayyy hopefully this means something to someone. that's all i could ever wish for when it comes to my art#thats probably a bit too sentimental or something but sometimes it's hard to tell if the stuff you make is actually reaching people#or if you're just another person making content to satiate an insatiable crowd#is my art edible? is it a meal to you? is it a one time only thing? does it have any lasting effect on you?#is it just nutrients to sustain you? or is it something that will genuinely stick to you for at least longer than the first second?#i will stop talking now. you can eat my art as much as you'd like but can you at least savor it a little? compliment the chef a little bit?#for the ones who've read this far: this is actually for an AU i've been thinking about recently. i won't be sharing what it's about lol#but if you wanted some context for this... here you go. i'd like to think this has more meaning to it than just being an AU though#and maybe me not disclosing what the AU is will make you think about this post for a bit longer? it's a mystery now....#aaaand i just noticed i forgot the bells on the ribbon on their arm. great. excellent. perfect. whatever
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I love the QSMP. Not only has it introduced me to many amazing international creators, it's also introduced me to the French and Brazilian community, who are so sweet, funny, and chaotic in their own unique ways. I love seeing fans sharing their culture and learning from one another, and I myself have learned a lot this past year. I think it's incredible how QSMP brings so many different people together – all of us united in our love and passion for this project and its goals.
But passion can often evoke strong emotions, and these strong emotions aren't always positive.
The past few months, I have seen multiple waves of hate, bad-faith generalizations of communities, and racist remarks directed at fellow fans – especially those who are part of the French / Brazilian community. This kind of behavior is inexcusable, and is in direct conflict with the mission of QSMP, which is to break language barriers and unite communities.
We are a global community with a variety of people from different backgrounds. Miscommunications may occasionally occur because of cultural differences and/or language barriers, but we should use these moments as opportunities to learn and engage with other people rather than assuming the worst about them and starting fights.
Although certain issues can be resolved with communication, sometimes it’s better to block and move on. Avoid spreading negativity or hate, and save yourself the headache of interacting with people who are just looking for someone to argue with.
No matter what community we're a part of or what languages we speak, we're all here to have fun. Please remember to be kind to each other. We have more in common than we have in conflict.
#QSMP#mod talk#Additionally: we should avoid stereotyping entire communities for reasons I hope are obvious.#I think everything will work out in the end#I don't typically see this kind of stuff on here but I figured I'd post this anyways since I'm posting it to Twitter too#It's understandable that emotions are high because of everything that's happened to the QSMP community the past few months#but it's very sad to see fans attacking each other#everyone's a bit on edge it seems. I rarely use my personal Twitter but I opened it today and saw some close mutuals snapping at people#then after stepping away and calming down coming back to a conversation and apologizing#it's sad to see everyone in this state#So... comments from the peanut gallery I suppose. I do hope this helps someone though#I don't usually post things like this because frankly-#I don't think every single drama / controversy / whatever necessitates a public statement from every single member of the fandom#but I've been thinking a lot about this#Anyhoo. Hopefully I can start sharing clips again tomorrow. I've been moving the past week and life was hellish#hopefully things ease up a bit now
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It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?
#helluva boss#Stolitz#helluva boss spoilers#helluva spoilers#I feel like I've finally managed to stabilise myself#Which is impressive. It's taken less than 24h. Thank you therapy#Last time a fandom left me emotionally in shambles (the last of us 2) it took me days to overcome the anxiety#Anyway the reason I'm talking about this is to hopefully give some visibility to the fact that this kind of thing can happen#When you struggle with mental illness#I'm not posting to vent or because I need help or anything! I'm fine!#But I do want others to know that it's okay if you're not fine because of something fictional you really care about and you're not alone#This is your reminder to think back to techniques that have helped you handle anxiety before if you're feeling shaken or on edge now#You got this!!!
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you are expendable, you are not expected to return
#i know i said id try to keep pressure stuff in containment but this is more of a vent piece than pressure fanart#and it felt wrong posting it on the side blog since thats really more of a fandom space than a soap space#kinda need the catharsis of strangers knowin whats goin on with me bc ive been kind of MIA on all platforms in terms of new 3D art..#i had something really insane happen that was a major permanent change to my life in september/august (cant talk about it) and#i havent really been handling it well at all#pressures been like the sole thing thats kind of keeping me above water mentally#but simultaneously like the level of obsession im at is insanely unhealthy it is ruining everything else in my life. but i just dont know#what else i can really do to stay sane. log on roblox think about my gay fishes and then go to bed#normally i try to ride out little mental health bumps like these and get back to work but its been like 3 months now and#im still struggling to be able to focus on client work. i can take it easy on myself just fine but i really dont want to let clients down#anyways thats whats been going on with me if anyones noticed the absence#soap talks#my art#roblox pressure#hopefully that doesnt put it in the main tags i try to tag fandoms so ppl are able to block them#raine
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happiness is having someone comment that your writing is beautiful when you’ve been insecure to get back to writing again
#oliver talks#the last year of my life has been full of so much difficulty and pain and struggling#and it’s been so hard to want to do things For Me that make me happy#but i want to find my way back to writing again because it’s such a big part of who i am and what makes me happy#and i know the fandom is quieter now the show has been over for years. i was once a huge blog and now im this nobody screaming into a void#im not even sure anyone is interested in my writing anymore#but i want to write for me. i want to find my passion and excitement again#vet med has been kicking my ass. but something I’ve always had to make me happy is writing#I’ve got some poetry I’d like to share soon#and hopefully more destiel drabbles and maybe even some fics#I’ve been so insecure to start posting writing again… and i know i said im writing for me… but to hear someone say they love what i wrote…#that it was beautiful… that there’s even one person out there still interested in reading my writing… that means everything to me#im so grateful and just so happy#<3
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I THOUGHT THIS PART FROM VNC CHAPTER 62 LOOKED FAMILIAR
i mean they're not. the exact same but they are very similar to each other!!
Also this could just be me but I feel like that these two have a lot of parallels. Break's family are the Rainsworths, who are not his biological family. Johann's family is Dante and Riche, who also not his biological family.
When someone they care about dies/gets threaten their first instinct is murder. When the Sinclairs died Break killed 116 people to bring them back, and when he thought Reim had been permanently dead he killed Fang. When Vanitas had threaten to kill Dante, Johann told him that he'll kill him if he meddles with his family.
Another thing they have in common is that there both, how do I put this, angry in some way/some point in their life? Break had been bitter and depress after returning from the Abyss but then learned to smile again because of Shelly. Johann... Okay, I can't say much about Johann because not much has been revealed about him yet BUT he definitely is sketchy!! With how the Dhampirs are treated it wouldn't be far off to say he would be angry at the world/society. He also has been shown to not like Noé much. Johann has also been shown to be very protective of Dante and Riche, so it's possible that he could've been similar to how Break had acted in the past, and now has something to live for and would do ANYTHING to protect it.
Another thing I'm just now realizing and probably should've brought up first but they have similar vibes/atmospheres. Though Johann is more flirtatious and Break is more... Weird. I guess. Eccentric, if you want a fancy word. They're also have this whole... How do I explain it? They're good at observing/analyzing things is I guess the best way to explain it?
I think I'm gonna stop there, there was something else I kind of wanted to talk about but I think it was a little bit of a stench fkdjgfjdf. I could be wrong about some of these, I didn't mean to write this much so basically all of it I wrote on a whim. Whatever my brain thought of I wrote down which resulted in this (which reading over it might be noticeable considering this post is kinda a mess kgjkfjgjfj). There's also the fact that some of the Johann stuff was just speculation, which could 100% be wrong. But I do think some of it I'm right about!!
#the mochijun brain left me for a month but then came straight back#love how i originally just wanted to point out that those panels looked similar and ended up writing a essay#ok a essay is a exaggeration BUT STILL#listen these two specifically have just flooded my mind recently#anytime i make a post i worry that someone else made one just like it especially since i don't constantly interact with one specific fandom#so hopefully no else has made something to similar kdfkjfjg. or at least just went into less or more detail than i did#anyways actually tags now#pandora hearts#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#vnc#xerxes break#vnc johann#bro its 1:30 in the morning i need to go to sleep kdfsjfljf#purple8cat
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alright. know what? with Secrets of the Obscure right around the corner and plenty of new Mists-related sky island settings coming with it, I'll just bite the bullet and interest-check a little something I've been turning in my head for a long, long while.
would YOU be interested in a Mists-based GW2 roleplay guild that uses a lore compliant multiverse system to allow canon, canon-adjacent, lore-breaking, and otherwise 'contradictory' muses to coexist in the same setting?
simply put: every writer's cast would be set in their own self-contained universe. as such, everyone could bring whatever muses they want with their own personal headcanons, and no one could dictate what is or isn't canon for anyone else. so long as your muses are GW2-based, you're good to go! bring your Commanders, bring your canon-divergent OCs, bring your canon muses-- and yes, even the ones that are 'supposed' to be dead. who can say what might have happened in a strange world far across the Mists, after all?
neutral hubs and in-character safety guardrails would be in place to keep all muses on a relatively even playing field regardless of their power, history, and prestige, too. play hardball if you like, but it might not end quite the way you'd hope. the main rule would be to maintain good OOC etiquette at all times: no godmodding, no metagaming, no theft, don't blend IC and OOC, and so-on.
if that sounds like something you might have interest in, please interact with this post! and if you've got questions or concerns, I'd love to hear them; feel free to send an ask or a DM, or just reply to this post!
#GW2 roleplay#GW2 rp#GW2#my posts#so there's a LOT of reasons why I'm putting this forward#but the biggest is that I really want there to be a place that's actually inclusive for all the creativity that exists in this fandom#there was exactly one Mists multiverse event a while back and it was well-received from everything I saw!#i know i for one had a lot of fun AND felt a lot more welcome and comfortable than i have at any other event#and then... we proceeded to just never have another again.#like. we could have more of that. that niche could still use filling! we can do SO much more with this!!!#and especially with SotO coming out we could have some REALLY interesting locations to meet up too!#I'd be happy to kickstart this stuff but the thing is: it WILL need support. I just can't do it all alone and that's a fact#example: if we want a guild hall in-game we'd have to work together to get one; that'd be great for hosting public and private events#my personal goal is 5-10 participants so that we can have enough to run small events and mingle muses a bit#IF there's enough interest i'll roll out more information at that time. for now tho i'll just leave it at this to test the waters#reblogs are HIGHLY appreciate here: i'm a smallfry in a big sea and not many people check the tags. spread the word if you want to see this#on that note: thanks for reading and hopefully i'll hear from some of you soon. o/#(side detail: that sky pic is a screen i snapped at night in Istan. it's so pretty there ok)
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so what i'm putting together from osmosis and the wonderful livebloggers and the incredible arkanis english updates account is something like this
Prefeito Jota: Hello, I'd like to hire you to investigate what happened in my city/island(?)!
Bagi, who was previously "invited" to a mysterious island/city by its elected official, subsequently trapped on the mysterious island/city, investigated the deep mysterious history of the island/city, came to no conclusions, found her brother after years of searching, was separated once again from her brother, gained and lost an adopted daughter (possibly to being kidnapped by the island government, which was evil), gained and lost a demon fiancée (possibly to being dragged back to hell, so there's no way to find her), gained and lost a close demon friend to dubious circumstance (did he die for his children? is he with skeppy in the gas station?), and has had an unknown amount of time to process and/or suppress all of this: Sure! :D
#ah shit now i gotta tag this#arkanis#qsmp#qsmp bagi#q!bagi#long tags#hopefully that covers it for people who don't care abt the lore tie-ins; i think they'll be able to filter this post#this is mostly a qsmp post so i hope you are able to filter it at your leisure :)#i try very hard not to bug have a good week :D#shut up vic#block game brainrot#is valigma an island or a city i'm unclear on this#or is it a city that's on an island#is there an island??? there's not. there is. where were they travelling. there was a boat i know that#fe//lps crashed the boat there's gotta be a port somehwere close by#but it could just be a port city.... is it an island??#brother i'm cooked i don't speak portuguese and i work during the streams.... cognates save me....... save me cognates.........#the name of my tiktok collection for qsmp is 'context clues only' bc i was determined to follow its story through only osmosis.#i was wrong about that one but. welcome back context clues only.#idk anyway hopefully this post can be filtered by people in either fandom who don't care abt crossover lollll 😭#look q!bagi has every reason to distrust elected officials that try to invite her places#last time it happened it was a bona fide second location.#it's kinda wild she was willing to do it again lmao#do you think she got the request and idly wondered how long she was gonna be stuck this time#we kinda had to skim over that aspect of q!bagi's arrival bc of the weird meta parts of the presidential invitation#but iirc the qsmp president inviting her was canon. which is WILD lmfaooo#and also how she was fiancées with tina (a demon) and friends with bad (a demon) and coparents with mouse (a demon)#and then she gets invited and comes to valigma and she's probably already got insane déjà vu and then BOOM. matt.#like i'm not cc!bagi so i don't know but i didn't read q!bagi as someone who just. moved on.#i don't think she would process the events of quesadilla island i think it's more likely she suppressed it. really really well.
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- the first is an ask about mad dog, when there were still only 3 fics in english for the choi kang-woo/kim min-joon pairing, mine included (mine, actually, being the first one in english); the two characters kiss in every single one of these fics.
- the second is a conversation in the replies of an mctna post about a banghwi scene. while the ship is personally not my cup of tea, it is an excellent and strongly canonically implied pairing and it makes me angry on behalf of the amazing, extremely talented authors who do write fic for this underrepresented ship. whether the complaint is about the first few pages of bangwhi fics (which only span two pages) or the first few pages of mctna fics in general, i don't recall a single one of them being objectively 'bad' - just bc it might not be your cup of tea and some of the tags might squick you out, doesn't mean it's 'bad'. and even if it was, who's to say the fics aren't still someone's favorite, akin to a gem they've found bc they were looking exactly for a story like this for years?
i'm just... so tired. why do ppl do this? why do they love to dunk on others' fics and hard work so much? do they think that tumblr is magically devoid of ao3 fic authors and that we won't stumble on these conversations and disparaging comments about our fics, especially if the posts can be found in the very public main tags?
not to mention that the fandoms in question are already extreeeeemely tiny and the fic for them is already very rare. can't we even muster up some bare modicum of fandom etiquette and respect in small fandoms like these? i would go on to say that while it's perfectly fine to not like a fic and talk about it, these are conversations that should have been best kept in private DMs - or at least outside of the main tags.
the thing is it's super, super discouraging and does the very opposite of making more ppl feel inclined to write for your favorite small fandom or rare pair. with some ppl tending to be so harsh and judgemental (and honestly entitled) when it comes to fic, it doesn't surprise me at all that so many ppl are so insecure about their writing that they don't dare to post their fics for fear of not being 'good' enough. i find that really sad since fic is all about having fun and doing something you love and sharing that joy with others!! it's not about being objectively 'bad' or 'good'. and tbh i've never read a fic that i can't say at least one (1) good thing about.
so why don't we do more of that instead of complaining about fic where everyone can see it?
#personal#personal rant#on fanfiction#lol this was enough discourse for today and i should finally head to bed now#hopefully i'll be back to crafting and commenting on fics and catching up on the beautiful creations in my tracked tag tomorrow!!#as usual: please support your local fic authors#especially the ones who are writing for your small fandoms and already deal with a lot of pressure and a myriad insecurities bc of that#it takes a lot of courage to write for teeny tiny fandoms and actually *post* what you've written#and usually there are less ppl in these fandoms too to appreciate it and support you via comments and kudos#so please acknowledge and honor that#please let's just be nice to each other in general!! that's really all i ask for
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Metallic super chicks!
#stickers#sticker collection#Description by a friend!#Library stickers#Comics#dc superhero girls#Unknown brand#I'M BACK#I hope#Down to one post a day so hopefully that'll help#In theory these posts should take like. 5 min tops but they Often Do Not 😭#Fandom posting on my sticker blog#My brain just kinda Shut Down for a bit I have no real explanation#But I'm mostly functional so back to sticker posting!!!#Also side note. If any of yall come across any like affirmation stickers in the next few weeks#Can you send them my way?#I'm studying for a big career-necessitated exam thing and I need to hype myself up :'3#If u read this far into my tags then CONGRATION. you win a telepathic heart sticker#Sending it your way now <333#Shiny#Bunny's favorites#Fun#individuals#Characters
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Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
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hey sorry again guys for not postint for a while. it kinda feels like all my posts were just met with people being mean to me and it made me a little sad :((( im trying to get back into it but i just wanted to give you guys an update ad for why ive been so quite for so long ill be back soon i hope !! sorry to keep you waiting !!
#viz rambles#ive also been watching a lot of youtube videos of peopel reacting so ive been watxhing that lately too#im stikl in the fandom i promise !!#ill be back soon once I havr the confid nce to post more#and hopefully this break made the mean people move on from me :))#anyway watching other people reacting made me form more theorys#so i do have a lot mkre to post soon I promise !#in other news ive been really into cavetown recently !#you guys might see some posts about them soon 🤫#if yoy like them too feel free to reach out#im always open to new song suggestions !!#ok bye bye now !!!!!!
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fully intended and foreseen consequence of coping better with my anxiety is that this blog will at some point inevitably become More Cringe and that point is SO close on the horizon. if you get mad at me for posting things i like on my blog that is for me you clearly have more issues than i do for worrying abt that possibility for hours on end
#its tumblr were all cringe here. fucking grow up or leave genuinely#also i literally tag everything im into + trigger tags too. block tags or just unfollow me theres no hard feelings i prommy#anyway. ive been falling back into creepypasta which ive mentioned before i was super into as a teen! fun stuff#i love that the fandom is still alive and doing fun new stuff :') theres such good art out there!! and character interpretations!!!!#and ive also gotten really into league lore over the past few months actually. the arcane fixation has morphed#basically it went 'this character looks cool whats their deal. whats this region like. oh another neat character lets look into that'#and then suddenly i know too much™️ bc hyperfixations for me are about gathering information and stories like a raccoon#i have FEELINGS about it. post probably incoming soon abt that#and BRIAR!! shes a little gremlin i kind of love her already#levi.txt#will i delete this in the morning? lets see#but for real tho. im doing really good lately. things arent perfect but i feel like a person for once#i can talk to strangers without acting like a trapped prey animal! it turns out im fucking funny actually! people like my jokes#im SLEEPING again. regularly. that was an issue for nearly a year and im doing ok again (not perfect but hey! ~8hrs!!)#i can just. sit around in public now and not feel like im on a hidden camera show where everyone is judging the way i breathe#slowly switching from self deprecation 'i want to die' jokes to 'im literally gods favourite prince and the hottest bitch alive'#i still get really nervous but it doesnt feel like a personal flaw and it doesnt feel insurmountable anymore#so yeah naturally thats going to come with (hopefully) a lot less shame around things that i like#just asking kindly that people are normal abt it. this is me thriving i guess
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UNLIKE BASICALLY EVERY DEATH NOTE CHARACTER, I PROMISE THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD. I simply forgot it existed
#hopefully I’ll come back to posting now lmao#tbh I would consider multifandoming over here and talking about kpop but I think I’d get cancelled 😭😭#kpop fandom culture is too much for me I need to be unhinged without fear of being doxxed and killed#maybe I will maybe I won’t#we’ll see
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opinion about B/lack B/utler has long since changed btw. it’s pretty alright👍
#og#not gonna tag main tag#putting slashes to hopefully avoud getting this in the main tag#also tbh i had said dni about it because at the time i was scared of a Certain Group Of People who are vicious about certain fandoms#and i did not want to get on the bad side of that#i havent watxhed it but i thought i’d say Something at least since i ve been meaning to#idc about what fiction u like. just make sure no real (key word: real) people get hurt and u r fine by me#also found some weird anti posts i made on my first blog so i deleted some of those#man i was in some of the most annoying fandom circles back then. glad i dont give a fuck now
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