#now back to fandom posting hopefully

[holyhikari]

some personal reflection on my late diagnosis and a few other stuff that might interest somebody or not.

I don't have ADHD, at least not "formally." I'm usually fine with not having qualified for an official ADHD diagnosis during my evaluation (even though a few professionals have argued that I should have had + my medication is ADHD-focused and it works) because I usually just need sensory/social accommodations and ASD covers that.

But it's absurd HOW LONG it took for me and the people around me to notice and accept how mentally hyperactive I am, because it carried me through my early academic life. So I was just "a very bright kid", not a single adult could tell (or, at least, no one thought of it as an issue) I was hyperfocused on and a bit obsessive about school because most subjects interested me, I couldn't control that drive nor my perfectionism and the good grades/the praise for them made me feel better about not understanding how to socialize with most other kids because they acted in ways that didn't make any sense and I was adamant that all of my actions could be reasonably explained to others since I was like five years old. So, yeah, we couldn't relate. I got along well with the weirdos though.

It's funny in a tragic way that sometimes adults can't tell you have socialization problems because you're well-spoken and mimic their communication patterns and don't have trouble following their instructions, but I assure you that the other kids CAN very much tell that you're not like them. (Fun fact: my mom DID notice that most other kids confused me and she was aware of/tried to help me through the bullying I suffered, but whenever I asked her opinion on the matter she just went "oh sweetie that's because you're around adults often and in this household we're all like this :D so it's only expected". LOL)

And since I couldn't have known that often overthinking to the point of tears AS A PRE-SCHOOLER (yes, I have memories of that) wasn't normal and assumed that everyone else had that many thoughts per second... well. That mental hyperactivity paired with the skills related to my special interest (linguistics) served me well until I crashed and suddenly had to navigate the world without the "high results" it allowed me to achieve as a kid.

And now I'm an adult who struggles with basic tasks like a toddler because I can't prioritize anything correctly unless I'm at gunpoint. And I'm perpetually underestimating my struggles, I try to convince myself on a daily basis that I'm just a regular 20-something mess in this world and that every young adult is like this simply because growing up is hard, so I must be trying to find excuses to be "lazy".

At least I know this experience isn't uncommon at all with late-diagnosed neurodivergent people.

I think I want to write more about my experiences. I might keep those reflections here since I (FINALLY) ditched T*itter and I don't want to do it anywhere with my IRL name. I feel even safer/detached here, typing in English instead of my first language has that effect xD

[biblically-accurate-dca]

substitute

[blitzwhore]

It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?

[ironicsoap]

you are expendable, you are not expected to return

[babyboywilson]

happiness is having someone comment that your writing is beautiful when you’ve been insecure to get back to writing again

[purple8cat]

I THOUGHT THIS PART FROM VNC CHAPTER 62 LOOKED FAMILIAR

i mean they're not. the exact same but they are very similar to each other!!

Also this could just be me but I feel like that these two have a lot of parallels. Break's family are the Rainsworths, who are not his biological family. Johann's family is Dante and Riche, who also not his biological family.

When someone they care about dies/gets threaten their first instinct is murder. When the Sinclairs died Break killed 116 people to bring them back, and when he thought Reim had been permanently dead he killed Fang. When Vanitas had threaten to kill Dante, Johann told him that he'll kill him if he meddles with his family.

Another thing they have in common is that there both, how do I put this, angry in some way/some point in their life? Break had been bitter and depress after returning from the Abyss but then learned to smile again because of Shelly. Johann... Okay, I can't say much about Johann because not much has been revealed about him yet BUT he definitely is sketchy!! With how the Dhampirs are treated it wouldn't be far off to say he would be angry at the world/society. He also has been shown to not like Noé much. Johann has also been shown to be very protective of Dante and Riche, so it's possible that he could've been similar to how Break had acted in the past, and now has something to live for and would do ANYTHING to protect it.

Another thing I'm just now realizing and probably should've brought up first but they have similar vibes/atmospheres. Though Johann is more flirtatious and Break is more... Weird. I guess. Eccentric, if you want a fancy word. They're also have this whole... How do I explain it? They're good at observing/analyzing things is I guess the best way to explain it?

I think I'm gonna stop there, there was something else I kind of wanted to talk about but I think it was a little bit of a stench fkdjgfjdf. I could be wrong about some of these, I didn't mean to write this much so basically all of it I wrote on a whim. Whatever my brain thought of I wrote down which resulted in this (which reading over it might be noticeable considering this post is kinda a mess kgjkfjgjfj). There's also the fact that some of the Johann stuff was just speculation, which could 100% be wrong. But I do think some of it I'm right about!!

[svtskneecaps]

so what i'm putting together from osmosis and the wonderful livebloggers and the incredible arkanis english updates account is something like this

Prefeito Jota: Hello, I'd like to hire you to investigate what happened in my city/island(?)!

Bagi, who was previously "invited" to a mysterious island/city by its elected official, subsequently trapped on the mysterious island/city, investigated the deep mysterious history of the island/city, came to no conclusions, found her brother after years of searching, was separated once again from her brother, gained and lost an adopted daughter (possibly to being kidnapped by the island government, which was evil), gained and lost a demon fiancée (possibly to being dragged back to hell, so there's no way to find her), gained and lost a close demon friend to dubious circumstance (did he die for his children? is he with skeppy in the gas station?), and has had an unknown amount of time to process and/or suppress all of this: Sure! :D

[seamayweed]

- the first is an ask about mad dog, when there were still only 3 fics in english for the choi kang-woo/kim min-joon pairing, mine included (mine, actually, being the first one in english); the two characters kiss in every single one of these fics.

- the second is a conversation in the replies of an mctna post about a banghwi scene. while the ship is personally not my cup of tea, it is an excellent and strongly canonically implied pairing and it makes me angry on behalf of the amazing, extremely talented authors who do write fic for this underrepresented ship. whether the complaint is about the first few pages of bangwhi fics (which only span two pages) or the first few pages of mctna fics in general, i don't recall a single one of them being objectively 'bad' - just bc it might not be your cup of tea and some of the tags might squick you out, doesn't mean it's 'bad'. and even if it was, who's to say the fics aren't still someone's favorite, akin to a gem they've found bc they were looking exactly for a story like this for years?

i'm just... so tired. why do ppl do this? why do they love to dunk on others' fics and hard work so much? do they think that tumblr is magically devoid of ao3 fic authors and that we won't stumble on these conversations and disparaging comments about our fics, especially if the posts can be found in the very public main tags?

not to mention that the fandoms in question are already extreeeeemely tiny and the fic for them is already very rare. can't we even muster up some bare modicum of fandom etiquette and respect in small fandoms like these? i would go on to say that while it's perfectly fine to not like a fic and talk about it, these are conversations that should have been best kept in private DMs - or at least outside of the main tags.

the thing is it's super, super discouraging and does the very opposite of making more ppl feel inclined to write for your favorite small fandom or rare pair. with some ppl tending to be so harsh and judgemental (and honestly entitled) when it comes to fic, it doesn't surprise me at all that so many ppl are so insecure about their writing that they don't dare to post their fics for fear of not being 'good' enough. i find that really sad since fic is all about having fun and doing something you love and sharing that joy with others!! it's not about being objectively 'bad' or 'good'. and tbh i've never read a fic that i can't say at least one (1) good thing about.

so why don't we do more of that instead of complaining about fic where everyone can see it?

[stick-by-me]

Metallic super chicks!

[doodlingwren]

It's 2024 can we please stop saying it's normal to trace or copying an entire drawing and pretending it's 100% your work? Just bc you changed the character or added clothes on a base you found on pinterest it doesn't mean you created original art

[conditioned-to-be-a-friend]

hey sorry again guys for not postint for a while. it kinda feels like all my posts were just met with people being mean to me and it made me a little sad :((( im trying to get back into it but i just wanted to give you guys an update ad for why ive been so quite for so long ill be back soon i hope !! sorry to keep you waiting !!

[yes-that-would-be-dark]

UNLIKE BASICALLY EVERY DEATH NOTE CHARACTER, I PROMISE THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD. I simply forgot it existed

[kameonerd566]

.

[mathmusicreading]

Blog(ger) Shift

I am, so weird and bad about original posting and about reblogging and about saving things on Tumblr and that's why my blog has been mostly inactive or the lurking consumer type. But I don't want my fears about putting myself out there, being seen and known, articulating myself well vs. having been told my whole life I'm too wordy and opinionated vs. not managing to articulate myself well enough to justify being verbose and passionate, etc. to continue to control me so much.

So for my new specific-interest sideblog that I'm not locking, I hope it being themed will help me with making more original posts and reblogging, and I'm publicizing that here to push myself and also welcome interaction.

RIP to my other public specific-interest sideblog and the fandom sideblog I took over for someone that I didn't take further and to my private sideblogs that were meant to make me reblog and save and say stuff because they would be personal and just for me. I still would like to make those happen and reblogging and posting things that matter to me here, and oh my heart for the content ideas I haven't been working on, but they're pipedreams with how I'm (not) managing my life and I keep kicking those cans down the road.

To the person who I developed a real relationship with as a beta but who by now I probably count as having disappeared on with how long it's been and my not coming back to explicitly say I still can't help and don't know when I can, I am so sorry. I'm being a coward languishing in hoping I can tell you soon that I can get back into beta-ing for you and talking, but that's turned into me not talking to you because I'm waiting to be able to say something positive. Hopefully my vaguing here can help push me into talking to you, or at least this is here for you to read if you happen to see it; and I want you to know you absolutely can talk to me, can call me out, and if you're so gracious as to still want to be friends with me and just chat despite my dropping being your beta, I'm here for you and still want to be your friend even if I don't know if I'll have the spoons to be a good one and I know my saying that preemptively isn't apology or justification enough.

Honest assessment, I'm going to curse and say my living situation and work have both become even more of a shitshow, and with those things in mind I can't begin to imagine handling a real project until basically literally a year from now.

Which segues back into the main topic of this post. My goal isn't to have my new sideblog be like an active mainblog nor to abandon this blog—people interested in that blog can and should still interact with me here given how primary vs. secondary blogs on Tumblr work, and in terms of using that blog to help make me be a better Tumblr user, I think I should make certain original posts here and reblog them there as opposed to them being original there. With my mental-emotional and time resources, I want that blog to be "active" for a given definition of active, but really I think I should see my objective as "clear out tabs and likes and photos and lists and notes and drafts, etc. from the last four months" by saving stuff there, as opposed to my goal being the original posts I want to make there, and actually my long-term goal should be to use that momentum to do the same for older digital and physical storage that hasn't been lost or stolen. In my failure to be an interesting person, do I at least manage to be fascinating as a basket-case? Ha. But, also, as expressed above the Read More, the exercise of my danmei/Chinese sideblog is supposed to be a foray into me allowing myself to be an interesting person.

[saltcharm]

i feel like this author just finished taking a gender 201 course and like. it has fundamentally changed their interpretation of the world and made them a more compassionate person, but Also i'm over here in the 400 levels and really not reading this fic for a lecture

[luveline]

You mentioned in one post that bombshell!reader was furious with the team for not helping Reid with his addiction (as she should be)…. Would you maybe write about her helping him thru withdrawal or thru the cravings that follow? Maybe subtly at first, then just making sure he knew he wasn’t alone? Just some tender moments where Spencer starts to realize she actually cares about him, even if he doesn’t believe her flirting yet.

-🌕

I love every single thing you write, even for fandoms I’m not even in. You’re amazing!!

thank you for requesting my sweetheart!!! I really hope this is what you wanted, love you <3 fem!reader

cw past drug abuse

“Hi, Spencer Reid.” 

You perch on the edge of his desk with no further introduction. You’ve changed perfumes, to his immediate recognition, the rich smell of your usual parfum swapped for a less consuming scent. He detects apple blossom, and rose, the smallest hint of jasmine, a contrast to your usual vanilla and peony. The human brain can remember 50,000 scents, and Spencer can remember all of yours. Or, he could. 

“You’re not saying hi anymore?” 

“Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hi. It’s nice to see you.” You put your hand on his. Spencer isn’t sure you’ve ever touched his hand before you took it at the hospital, he’s never really let you, but he doesn’t move away. A huge winding of tension between his shoulders begins to unspool. “It’s really nice to see you, babe. I’ve missed you tons and tons.” 

He looks up tentatively. “You have?” 

“I have. I haven’t really been invited, today. I’m just here to see you.” 

“Why?” Spencer asks. 

You tighten your fingers on his hand. “Missed you. Thought maybe we should, like…” And that’s unusual, for you to use filler words, Spencer doesn’t know what to think of it. “Well, I have something to say to you, and it’s going to either sound reassuring or ridiculous.” 

“Okay.” 

You give him a withering look. “Don’t make it any easier for me.” 

He laughs. The sound alone fosters your smile. “Sorry,” he says softly, “I doubt it’ll be ridiculous.” 

“Spencer Reid, we are friends. We are. But we never do anything outside of work, so I was thinking you could come over tonight and we’d make dinner and watch TV and stuff.” 

“And stuff.” 

“I’m a bit nervous,” you confess, looking down at your lap, then quickly back up into his face, “I’m worried you won’t want to.” 

You’re kind to avoid saying what he’s sure you’re thinking; you’re worried he won’t want to spend the night with you, and instead will look down the long barrel of a small needle. Or, he thinks that’s what you’re thinking. He does it to everyone. 

“What do you want to make for dinner?” he asks. 

“What are you enjoying lately?” 

“I… I don’t know. I’m not really eating.”

“Cereal?” 

“Yes,” he laughs. “Lots of cereal.” 

You tap the wheel of his chair with your heel. You’re dressed as though you aren’t working, wearing a sweet dark dress with a starched collar and baby sleeves, stockings, and a necklace at your neck that glows with a small white crystal. You look amazing. It never makes any sense to Spencer, why you’d taken an interest in him, and why you bother now. He knows he’s hard to care for. He knows he’s making it worse. 

You look up and down his face. You must see the purple half circles beneath his eyes, the crack at the corner of his mouth, the cut he can’t stop picking on his cheek. Every time it scabs, he opens it again. One second he’s sitting there and the next he’s got blood under his fingernail. 

“Hug?” you ask hopefully. 

He goes to stand. You move in too fast and wrap your arms around him, leg slotting between his, leaning over his shoulders with a distinct sense of protectiveness. You squeeze him, a little sigh escaping you that sounds loud so close to his ear. 

“How has it been this week?” you ask quietly. 

“It’s fine.” He cups your back in his arm carefully. The other wraps tight around the small of it. He soaks you up, scared you’re gonna pull away any second. 

“How are you feeling about it? Do you need any extra help?” 

He cringes. “No,” he says. “It’s really fine.” 

“When you texted me, about the cravings? What are they like today?” 

He wishes he could breathe in the smell of your perfume and your skin and tell you they’re all better now. It would make sense; there isn’t much in his life that hasn’t been made better by your attention. He’d struggle to do this without you. You’re his only friend who actually cared enough to say the problem out loud, but you’re just a woman, you can’t work the sort of magic necessary to kick this for him. 

“Spencer?” You pull away, nudging his cheek with the back of your finger. 

“They’re okay. I’m not gonna do anything.” 

“Good, honey. I’m proud of you. I know how hard this is.” 

He bites the inside of his lip, surprised at your caring. He shouldn’t be.

“What are you two whispering about?”

You and Spencer have different reactions to Emily’s sudden question. He flinches like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and you, still vaguely pissed with everyone for not telling you Spencer was struggling and not afraid to show it, keep your eyes trained on his face. 

“Nothing,” Spencer says. 

You turn to her with a small smile. You still like her, Spencer knows. Secretly, he’s pleased you’re angry for him. It’s nice to have someone so obviously on his side. “We’re just deciding what to get for dinner.” 

“Oh, nice. Date night?” she teases. 

You press your cheek to his forehead. “Date night,” you agree, your hand unmissable where it bunches in his sweater near his heart.