#now all of china knows I'm boring.

[powpowhammer]

@blotthis tagged me for ten songs I am vibing with. I confess to having a relationship with music listening that some would call 'lame' as I have basically never built a relationship to an artist or their body of work (except for john themountaingoats darnielle). I blame my boomer father for burning out those receptors in my youth by inadvertently filling my head with the entire beatles discography, leaving no room for me to become a teen who liked music for cultural reasons (I became a ska kid but because of other reasons). sorry I don't have spotify.

yerbatero (2010) - juanes. I am basically always listening to this song.

washington square (2011) - the correspondents. if you look up the music video it's exactly what you think a bunch of nerds into burlesque would make. I think it's good when something is horny but also sopping wet lame about it. this is the number one song I'd sing at karaoke if they had it but they'll never have it.

the rockafeller skank (1998) - fatboy slim. I put on this song on two weeks ago via free association and have been studying it ever since, mostly for its use of sample as instrumentation. (I went and also listened to all its samplees, too.) two things about this: 1) crit about this alludes to the existence to a uk-based genre called 'big beat' but all the writing about big beat just refers back to fatboy slim. cycle of internet ouroboros complete. 2) I imprinted heavily on the digimon the movie soundtrack.

careful with that hat! (2009? 2010?) - citay

the story in your eyes (1971) - the moody blues. ethan has a horrible tendency to fixate on the phrase 'from the ashes of the old' when we discuss reform versus revolution and every time he does I have to put this on. and then bap him with a newspaper

communication with the dead (2013?) - unclear. I think I would be much more into gabber than I am if I had had more freedom (financial, personal) as a young person. this song was made available for free but the links are defunct. if you want it in 320 message me

acid disco homegirls (2015) - the hair kid. I spend a lot of time on soundcloud but am deliberately not including here all the 45-second-to-three-minute soundclowns I love to accumulate because I respect my followers' time.

cadaver sniffing dog (2019) - the mountain goats. this is my favorite song from this album. I saw him on tour when he was debuting this material. the concert went on for twenty years. man simply has insane stamina

extremely online (2019) - mc frontalot. noone told me that he had an album out after question bedtime until like january this year. what the fuck. damian I love you

call ticketron (2016) - rtj. I was gonna put legend has it and then I was like. well we just had that echolalia post and the cadence of the live from the garden sample has definitely invaded my phonobulary

bonus - current work loop

let's tag some mutuals! some mutuals blot didn't already tag. mutuals who only have a normal amount of emotions about ace attorney. mutuals who love, and dream, and kill. @literallymechanical @waywardking @blasphemous-lies-and-deceit @relia-robot @falindrith @efortmanteau

[aikainkauna]

Tumblr, I am disappoint. A couple of years ago a sizeable chunk of you history nerds were nuts for The Longest Day in Chang'an and now, when I finally managed to finish it (it was AWESOME; one of the best shows I've ever seen, full stop) I come online and find

A) WHY DID NOBODY WARN ME ABOUT GENERAL GAN SHOUCHENG and

B) WHERE IS ALL THE THIRSTY GENERAL GAN CONTENT?! Now, I know that cdrama fandom is pretty chaste and that in much of Asia, perving is something you keep private and I can respect that. Ok. Cultural differences, I'm cool with that. I'll keep the lewdz to my Pillowfort.

But still! Look at him! A hot baddie with stupendous amounts of guyliner and a carefully coiffed Beard of Evil, he gets a scene like this, and there's no chaste and ladylike swooning or oohing or aahing, even?!?!

[simpxxstan]

svt + nerdy y/n!!

a/n: this is absolutely self-indulgent. i'm sorry if i'm writing slower than usual, i'm trying to get back on track!

sfw content. gender neutral reader and established relationship.

very mildly suggestive (pg13 audience only!). nerd here refers to anyone with academic interests or a general high level of interest in uncommon/niche topics. i've tried to make the concept of nerd as inclusive as possible.

seungcheol

not a nerd himself but will encourage you 100% to be a nerd- buys you new pair of glasses when your eyesight worsens, new documentary CDs and even membership of a hundred foreign journals.

defo has a sapiosexuality kink- you can guess how attracted he is to your intelligence. but he's the smarter one on the streets, so he'll take care of you in every way possible while you stay in your little geeky bubble.

it's always baby let me recharge your phone bill for you; baby please eat your meals on time; baby you can't stop drinking water because of exam stress; baby if you're pulling an all-nighter, call me over, i don't want you to stay up all night alone.

jeonghan

loving jeonghan involves so much cuddling and lazy time when you both just lie under the blankets, his head is on your stomach and your fingers in his hair. it's at these moments that he encourages you to read out for him and he hums along whenever you pause to check if he's fallen asleep.

but jeonghan draws the line sometimes. he is supportive- but only when you're not trading off your time with him for the sake of peering into books.

you can sit with me and solve bivariate normal distributions or whatever you have to do, he whines into your ear. but you keep tickling me and i mess up the calculations! he laughs at this, i can't help it if you're just so ticklish, baby.

joshua

three years ago, joshua would've laughed if someone told him he would be more interested in the latest discoveries of astrophysics than in who's winning the la liga matches. but here he is- successfully converted into a nerd entirely because of your influence.

joshua was ridiculously easy to convert. all it had taken was the shiny, lovesick look in your eyes when you'd ask him if he wanted to watch a documentary on alternate universe theories with you, and he'd said yes in a heartbeat. and then it had just been a spiral into the metaphorical black hole. and he does NOT regret it, as long as he gets to spend time with you.

josh is this getting too boring? you'd quietly ask after an hour of the documentary, guilty for being too absorbed in it to even look at your boyfriend and see how he's faring. but joshua is melting at your concern, so even if it was a little bit boring, he'll reassure you sweetly, not at all baby! this is so new and interesting!!

jun

yes he may be from china, but clearly you know more about his own roots than he does! whenever you're watching news, jun loves it when you fill him up on some quirky background info that he didn't know about, but adds so much value to the context of the news.

in awe of your academic capabilities and keeps bragging about you to everyone. feels so proud when he can contribute to something you're passionate about too. he CANNOT fathom why someone as nerdy and intellectual as you should want to be with him.

junie, you're so smart! you praise him after he reports a profit he's making on a stocks investment. he shyly giggles, not like you, baby. you shake your head, i may be book smart. but you're street-smart!

soonyoung

hyper and calm partners!!!! he used to get annoyed with how you would pore into your books all day and how focused you were on your studies, but now he sees the charm in it all. it makes you happy, and in turn, he gets to wrap himself around you and be as clingy as he likes.

he really tries to follow with your nerdiness, his enthusiasm is there he swears! it's just not his fault that his attention span is so low and he ends up staring at your lips more than actually listening to you.

baby are you even listening? you ask, pouting. it drive him even more insane and he ends up giving in to his instincts and kissing you. yes baby! i heard everything!

wonwoo

WILL BE GEEKY WITH YOU! i imagine the two of you sitting next to each other at a table, him focused on his games and you're focused on your studies, your feet in his lap, and you're both sharing the same cup of coffee.

he loves collecting pretty little diaries for you, because he knows you write little poems and trivia in those diaries. whenever he's out on tour, he's bringing a locally-made diary for you, and if possible, he customises it with your name imprinted on it too.

wonwoo, there's a new adaptation of pygmalion getting shown in the theatre! do you want to go watch? i want to take notes from this adaptation and write about it on my blog... you need not even explain so much, wonwoo bought the tickets already when you began to talk about it.

jihoon

feels so giddy when he comes home from work and the first thing you do (in between his kiss attacks) is tell him a new fact you learnt today in whatever is your latest obsession.

jihoon loves his personal space, so when he's found you who's equally fond of your personal space and interests, it's literally a match made in heaven. they say it'll put distance between the two of you, but it really does quite the opposite!

jihoonie, can you help me learn this table? maybe ask me randomly and i'll try to answer. jihoon wants to tell the table to self-destruct from the entire world because you're near to tears trying to mug it up. but he doesn't. instead he says, love, how about i make a song for you which simplifies this? like a mnemonic but nicer.

seokmin

man was too desperate to get out of school to understand why you choose to be a nerd. but it's hella cute, so he doesn't need to understand. he's obsessed with your quirky habits- the way you bite your lips when you're finding a topic difficult, the way your glasses slip down your nose and you irritatedly push it up again, the way you crave the hot chocolate he makes when you're under exam stress.

admires your smartness so much! WILL brag about it to everyone he meets. WILL bring up the fact you told him yesterday, in today's conversation with his members just to show off your smartness.

posts stories about you being so cute while working hard for your exams but it's just you with oiled hair, acne breaking out like hellfire, and cramming notes at breakneck speed (you don't talk to him for an hour after this, but he doesn't get why you're so embarrassed, he only sees cuteness.)

mingyu

another one who WILL be nerdy with you. mingyu's always been a curious boy- even as a child, he would be drawn into new ideas easily. nothing is different now, and mingyu sits with you often when you're studying, his hands often wandering to your shoulders to massage them, and bringing you a regular supply of ramen and snacks.

you have a habit of repeating to yourself what you read, so mingyu steps in and asks you to talk to him and explain the topics to him as if you're teaching him. safe to say, he gets VERY turned on after such mock 'teaching' lessons and eventually loses focus on what you're saying.

gyu do you remember that paper i wrote last month? yeah, it got selected for a journal. you say it so nonchalantly that any other person would think you're showing off. but mingyu knows how much it means to you, and you're only downplaying it because you think mingyu won't think it to be a big deal, as most academic snobs tend to do. but lucky for you, mingyu knows exactly how precious an achievement it is to you, so he shows his appreciation to you instead of merely saying it (by showering you with kisses that make you tingle all over).

minghao

OH oh. will listen to your rants with the sweetest subtle smile on his face. will buy encyclopedias and reference books for your mini library. will take you to speaker sessions, workshops and other such informative events across the city, even places you've no idea about.

the most ardent supporter you could have asked for, he is in awe of your mental capabilities and your intelligence. you both have a lot of quality time where you're just sitting together and doing your things, but minghao values it like no other activity in the world.

hao? there's a new parcel at the door. you call him when a delivery arrives and he's at work. open it. he may not be around to see your reaction, but he can sure imagine the grin that's bursting out on your face when you squeal his name into the phone on seeing the hardcover special edition version of your favourite collection of essays.

seungkwan

lots of wide-eyed wondering at why you would want to stay rooted at a spot and read books over playing badminton with him. he wants to complain that you've chosen your academics over him, but that'd be a lie, so he can only half-heartedly whine about it.

comes around to your point of view as soon as you start showing him documentaries (on animals living in the Himalayas, as per your latest obsession). it begins with him finding the animals cute, to eventually finding you cute when you animatedly talk about them. and once he's totally converted, it's fairly easy for you to convince him to help you with exams.

expect eye rolls, smug smiles and hair being brushed back nonchalantly when the questions he had asked last night from your texts actually matched with the ones asked in the exam. i told you, baby, he whispers in your ear. now i want my reward, you've been drowned in books for way too long and not paying any attention to your boyfriend.

vernon

it was a surprise to him as well when he realised he's got a massive sapiosexuality kink. as someone who's run as far away from the education system as he could, he doesn't even know why he finds it so attractive when you're being nerdy. but, well, he does.

he loves hearing you talk about whatever it is that you're learning lately, and sometimes something or the other catches his attention. and then, you know he'll dive right deep into it to know all about it, until his curiosity is satisfied.

nonie, what's the video you sent me? you ask him when you return home from uni. i wondered if you've watched this one. it explains the theories of why the harappan civilization disappeared so well. you can only smile at his enthusiasm, i bet you've been looking at conspiracy theories again, nonie. the guilty grin on his face says it all.

chan

chan listens so well, but you can't really blame him if he doesn't retain the information. he's elated simply to have you wrapped in his arms as you talk about what happened in your classes today, and his nose in the crook of your neck so he can smell your lovely scent. intermittently nods his head (just wants to rub his nose on the soft skin of your neck) and hums in agreement of what you just said (suppressing moans when he can feel your heartbeat quicken when he presses kisses to your neck too).

it doesn't matter what your new niche is, but he's indulging it. he admires your ability to stay focused in a field as demanding as academia, and he's all for you to go ahead with your interests and education as long as you want to learn.

you wake up to post-its on your forehead every day when chan has had to leave early for work: get out of the house and get fresh air. shampoo hair today, interview tomorrow. practice the introduction speech again. drink water and take vitamins. STOP DRINKING COFFEE. and you giggle at each of them, because they're all things you've tried to remember for yourself and forgotten, so chan reminds you like this, but his cute handwriting and the little XOXOXOs he's drawn all over make your heart melt.

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch

Long story short, I owe the BL gods, so I'll be watching TWO series from my Petty List during the month of June. This list includes shows I haven't watched for purely petty reasons, so I'm asking the crowd to pick the two shows I will watch from all the MAME series, some censored Chinese bromances, a few sexual tension-filled Korean bromances, and one wild card.

I'm making my first ever poll, so whichever two series get the highest numbers will be the two I watch. And for all the kind people in the crowd, this is not the time to think about me. Pick your favorite. And for all the people who I annoy on the daily with my wild ass takes that piss you off, pick TharnType. But there is a possibility of a secret thirteenth option that would hurt me much worse . . .

The petty ass reasons are below the poll.

Disclaimer: If you're going to read the petty ass reasons, I need you to understand these are PETTY ASS REASONS, so don't try to hit me with 2,000 words about why me not watching censored bromances is a problem or why me not liking your fave hurts your feelings. Nah. Pick a show!

MAME

Love By Chance

This show came out at the end of 2018, and I watched the first episode, maybe first two, and thought it was boring. Then, in 2019, I saw a GIF of the locker scene, so I recommitted. I made it past the first episode just when the PerthSaint drama started spilling out everywhere, so I chucked the deuces and haven't returned since.

TharnType

For some reason, I couldn't find the first episode when it aired. Then, I found out how the first episode ended. Then, I found out about Type's past. Then, I just kept finding out more awful stuff until eventually the MewGulf shit finally hit the fan, and I was still reeling from the PerthSaint drama (and the emerging ZeeSaint chaos). At this point, I've built this show up so much that I'm afraid to see what it is actually about.

Don't Say No

A story of another GIF of a locker room scene sucking me in! After the first two MAME pairs blew up, I believed her shows were cursed, so I opted out of watching this one even though I thought it would be the one to vibe with me the most. But the biggest reason was because the main characters came from TharnType, so I felt like I would have to watch TharnType to understand this show, which was a big hell nah.

Love in the Air

I watched this through mutuals on my dash, so I feel like I did watch it. It is also the highest rated MAME series, so I had faith in it. However, when I found out about Sky's past, TharnType's ghost popped back up, and I realized this demon of a show is gonna haunt me in every MAME series.

The Wedding Plan

Y'all hated one of the leads so much while it was airing that I now hate him, and I don't think I can let that go, so I'm coming in with pre-hate and TharnType's ghost, but on top of that, some of y'all said it was boring. But what is boring in a MAME series? Consent? Not kidnapping someone? I never got answers, so I'm very conflicted about this show.

Censored Chinese

The Untamed

It's color coded, but FIFTY FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Grey's Anatomy? The fuck! Second, once China pulled Addicted, I was holding grudges for life because it crossed from entertainment censorship into real-world oppression, so I could not bring myself to support media from a country that openly discriminates against the queers when I live in America where our highest court is just one Supreme Court Justice away from making us all live in the damn Mojo Dojo Casa House.

Word of Honor

It's color coded, but THIRTY-SIX FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Supernatural?! The fuck! Second, I don't know the difference between this and The Untamed. Both are color-coded, one of them has a lot of uncles (?), one of them has awful facial hair, and they all have pretty outfits. Every time someone makes a reference about these shows, I just nod the same way I do when people mention Star Wars because none of it makes sense.

Guardian

I spent two years believing Killer and Healer was Guardian. I haven't watched either, but I thought they were the same show. Honestly, if this show wins, I might just watch Killer and Healer because I will forget they are not the same show. Don't they both solve cases? And because it's China, past lives must be involved, no? I'm looking at their MDLs as I write this, and I'm still not convinced they are different.

Stay with Me

It's color coded, but I know how it ends, and word on the street is that IS the ending since a second season seems unlikely. China couldn't just let me be hurt over Addicted, the original. No. Gotta hurt me again with Addicted, the remake. Rude af.

The Spirealm

First off, SEVENTY-EIGHT FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Law & Order: SVU?! The fuck! I know how this ends, and it ain't happy! I don't care how people are trying to spin it, so to sit through SEVENTY-EIGHT DAMN EPISODES just for that ending already has me irate. And don't try telling me Viki combined episodes so it's only thirty-four. That's still a lot. However, everybody who has watched it says it's phenomenal, so is the pain worth it or are these people all lying so they convince themselves it was worth it?

Korean Bromance

Beyond Evil

With most Korean dramas, I feel like I missing something important. Like some part of the story does not click with me and I stay lost for the rest of the show. I suck it up for the queers, but the not-queers-but-it-is-queer shows . . . nah, and especially one about cops . . . (-_-). Also, The Worst of Evil just showed, and it was another reminder that I need these cops to quit their jobs and just screw each other. Embrace "Be Gay. Do Crime"

The Devil Judge

I know enough about Kpop to know GOT7 would not let one of its members kiss a man in this show. I looked at those GIFs of Jeff Satur and Jackson Wang on their show knowing damn well that if Wang got too close to Satur, an entire management team would have ascended from hell and kidnapped both of them, so the promo for this show was so wild because it felt queerbait-adjacent, and I was salty about it.

WILD CARD!

This option will be automatically unlocked IF this stupid little poll gets 216 votes, so I have high hopes this will not happen since I ain't that popular and I hate this wild card which is . . .

SOTUS

This show is my original TharnType. It came out in 2016. I watched it live. I watched the sequel. I remember neither. New was in it? Off was in it?! WHAT?! I have no memory of this show except Krist wiping his mouth, and I have carried that with me for eight damn years. I loved Be My Favorite, so I thought I moved past whatever strange grudge I was holding against this man who doesn't know I exist nor care, but then I saw that trailer for The Ex-Morning, and unlike Elsa, I can't let this shit go, so I'm willing to play Jumanji and go back into the jungle to finish this once and all.

So what it's gonna be, mi gente. Which demons am I facing for Pride and what shows do I get to stay petty about? Help me decide!

[peavhyshy]

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ - SHOPPING SPREE

ᯓᡣ𐭩 pairing ─ ୨୧ ─ Boyfriend!Rafe Cameron ⋆ Pogue!Reader

ᯓᡣ𐭩 summary ─ ୨୧ ─ in which Rafe goes over-the-top as usual to apologize for cheating which includes a grand gesture of buying out an entire boutique is creatively meant to.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 warnings ─ ୨୧ ─ strong language, fluff, semi smut (but not really), power dynamics, mental/emotional manipulation and ulterior motives, reference to cheating, sexually suggestive situations, non-consensual elements (pressure/coercion into sexual acts), dubious consent, unhealthy relationship, discomfort/anxiety, misogyny/objectification.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 wc ─ ୨୧ ─ 5,130

⋆˚✿˖° a/n ─ ୨୧ ─ It's been a while since I posted on here and whatever so here I am, but who's to say I won't disappear for another few months.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── Outer Banks Masterlist ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── Navigation ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Rafe sauntered into the high-end boutique, the little bell above the door announcing his arrival. The sales associates perked up, eyeing his Ralph Lauren polo and Sperry boat shoes. Ah, a Kook with money to burn. 

"Hello sir, can I help you find anything today?" the manager asked, her voice dripping with fake pleasantness.

"Yeah, I need to buy out like, your whole store," Rafe said nonchalantly, checking out a display of cashmere sweaters. 

The associates' eyes widened in surprise and delight. "Buy out the whole store, sir?"

"Yep. I screwed up badly with my girl. She's a Pogue, you know? Doesn't really do the whole fancy clothes thing. But she found out I cheated on her with some Touron last week, and now she's pissed." Rafe picked up a floral sundress, scrutinizing it. "So I figured, what better way to say sorry than decking her out in some new designer threads?"

The manager nodded enthusiastically. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture. Let me start ringing up some items for you."  

"Nah, like I said, I want to buy out the whole damn store. Just name your price." Rafe pulled out his credit card, waving it around.  

The manager's eyes lit up at the thought of the huge commission she was about to make. "Of course, sir, let me calculate our current retail inventory value and I'll give you a total."

"Make it quick. I’ve got a picnic on the beach planned to beg for her forgiveness," Rafe said, leaning on the cash wrap counter impatiently. 

The manager returned shortly with the grand total. Rafe didn't even blink as he handed over his credit card. Anything to get his Pogue princess back.

Rafe leaned against the wall near the cash register, watching with disinterest as the store employees scurried around grabbing items off racks and shelves.

"Come on, pick up the pace," he called out impatiently. "I wanna get out of here before the sun goes down."

The manager gave him an appeasing smile as she stuffed an armful of sundresses into a large box. "We're going as fast as we can, sir. I really appreciate your business - this is the biggest sale we've ever had!"

Rafe just shrugged, stifling a yawn. The workers were cramming the boxes full of tissue paper and accessories, trying to maximize what they could fit. Shoes, handbags, skirts, tops - everything was being cleared off the floors and walls. 

One associate struggled to fold a pile of cashmere sweaters to fit in an overflowing box while another carefully wrapped up a display of fine china jewelry. The store was slowly emptying out as the minutes ticked by.

"Ugh, this is taking forever," Rafe groaned, pulling out his phone to scroll aimlessly. "I should've just gone to Party City and bought her a bunch of balloons or something." 

The manager's smile strained a bit as she kept up her enthusiastic energy. "Almost done, sir! Just a few more minutes and you'll have our entire inventory to present to your lovely girlfriend."

"Yeah, yeah," Rafe muttered, back to being bored. Buying out the whole store was proving to be more tedious than he had anticipated. But hey, you were worth it. Probably.

”I need all of this shipped to her beach house.”

The manager nodded as she taped up another overstuffed box. "Of course, sir. I can arrange delivery to any address you'd like."

She gestured to one of the other employees. "Sara, can you grab some shipping labels? We'll need to send all of these boxes to this gentleman's girlfriend's house once we're finished packing everything up."  

Sara hurried to grab a stack of shipping labels and a pen. "What's the address, sir?" she asked Rafe.

"Oh, uh..." Rafe scratched his head. "Somewhere in The Cut, not really sure of the exact address. It's a small blue house near the bay though, it has a tire swing out front. Think the name on the mailbox is L/N or something like that."

Sara looked confused. "Do you have the street name or number? There are a lot of small blue houses in The Cut."

Rafe rolled his eyes. "Jesus, I don't know that shit. Her dad's name is Hank though, if that helps. Everyone knows Hank the Tank down there."

The manager and Sara exchanged a look, neither seeming confident about locating the right address. 

"Tell you what," Rafe continued, pulling out a thick wad of cash from his back pocket. "Here's 500 bucks. That should cover you guys figuring out where the hell to deliver all this stuff to Y/N in The Cut. I'm sure one of the Pogues down there can point you in the right direction."

He tossed the cash on the counter and headed for the door without another word, leaving the overwhelmed store employees with boxes piled high and vague delivery information.

You squinted against the setting sun as three large delivery trucks rumbled down the sandy driveway toward your family's weathered beach house. You set down your cards on the rickety picnic table, where you had been playing an intense game of Crazy Eights with John B, JJ, Sarah, and Kiara.

"What the hell is this?" you muttered. The trucks parked haphazardly amidst the uncut grass and strewn beach debris surrounding the house. Drivers hopped out and opened up the backs, revealing piles and piles of boxes crammed to the brim.

"Whoa, did you order the entire Amazon warehouse or something?" JJ joked, sauntering over to inspect the deliveries. 

Before you  could respond, the porch boards creaked loudly under the weight of multiple pairs of high-heeled shoes. The group turned to see half a dozen boutique store employees teetering across the uneven ground, laden with clothing on hangers and large shopping bags.

"Oh no..." you groaned, realization dawning on you. 

"Delivery for Ms. Y/N L/N!" one of the women trilled, scanning the rural beachfront for the recipient. 

"That's you, Y/N," John B said, giving you a puzzled look.

Just then, a delivery man approached with an oversized bouquet of roses and a card. "Are you Ms. Y/N? These are for you along with all of these boxes."

"I'm going to kill him," you seethed, grabbing the card. Sure enough, it was from Rafe, attempting to apologize for cheating in his usual over-the-top Kook fashion.   

The others laughed, taking in the three trucks overflowing with designer clothes and accessories that had arrived on your doorstep.  The group whooped and raced toward the trucks, laughing at Rafe's attempt to buy back your forgiveness. You had to admit - it was a pretty damn good start.

The sun had just set over the expansive Cameron estate as you marched up the long driveway and let yourself in the front door. You breezed past the elaborate foyer and down the hall towards the state-of-the-art home gym, where you knew you would find Rafe. 

Sure enough, there he was - shirtless and pumping iron, the clanking of weights echoing through the large room. You crossed your arms, watching as Rafe finished his set of bicep curls before acknowledging your presence. 

"Oh hey babe," he said casually, setting down the dumbbells. "I see you got my gifts."

"You mean the eighteen-wheeler trucks filled with designer clothes that choked the road to my house all afternoon?" you replied sharply.  

Rafe grinned. "So I take it, you liked them?"

You rolled your eyes. "Did you seriously buy out the entire Verona Boutique?"

"Maybe," Rafe shrugged, grabbing his towel to wipe the sweat from his brow. 

"Why would you do that?" you asked in exasperation. 

"Come on, I was just trying to apologize for what I did," Rafe said. "I wanted to show you how much you mean to me."

You sighed heavily. "You can't buy me off with fancy clothes, Rafe. That's not how this works."  

Rafe stood up and walked over to you. "But did it at least make you smile a little?" he asked with a coy grin. 

Despite yourself, You felt the corners of your mouth turn upward. You shook your head, trying to fight the smile. 

"You're unbelievable," you scoffed. But Rafe took your reaction as a promising sign. 

"So...am I forgiven?" he asked. 

You shrugged, struggling to stay stern. "You're not off the hook yet. But...it's a start."

Rafe smiled victoriously and pulled you into an embrace. You hated to admit it, but his over-the-top gesture did melt away some of your anger. Only a Kook would think that buying out an entire boutique could fix cheating - but you had to give him points for creativity.

Rafe's face lit up with a delighted grin as he saw the smile fighting its way onto your lips. Score! He knew you couldn't stay mad at him for long, not when he pulled out all the stops with his over-the-top apology gifts. Sure, buying you an entire wardrobe wasn't exactly practical, but he wanted to go big to show you how much he cared. Because even though he screwed up by cheating, your were still his girl and he needed you to know you were #1. No Touron hookup could ever mean anything compared to you.

Pulling you tighter into his embrace, Rafe pressed a kiss to the top of your head as you nuzzled into his bare chest. He could tell the wheels were still turning in your mind, trying to decide if you were ready to fully forgive  him yet. But he had plenty more tricks up his sleeve if needed. Diamonds, a new car, a trip to Paris - anything you wanted, it was yours. Being the heir to the Cameron fortune had its perks when you needed to get yourself out of the doghouse.

"So when are you gonna model some of these new outfits for me, hmm?" he murmured suggestively in your ear. "Maybe a private fashion show tonight? I'll even let you use my black AmEx again if you want to pick up some sexy lingerie to complete the looks." He grinned devilishly.

You rolled your eyes and gently pushed out of his embrace. "Down boy. You're not off the hook yet," you reminded him, though your tone had softened considerably. Rafe held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Okay okay, I know. But you gotta admit, the mental image is pretty hot," he said with a wink. you just shook your head, trying to hide your smile. You could never stay irritated with him for long. 

"Alright, I should get home and figure out what to do with the small mountain of designer clothes currently cluttering up my living room," You sighed. "I still can't believe you bought out the entire store."

Rafe waved a hand casually. "Don't even trip about it. Consider it just a small token of my love," he said smoothly.

You quirked an eyebrow. "A small token? Rafe, it's got to be worth at least $20,000 worth of stuff."

Rafe shrugged. "Meh, that's like pocket change for me, babe. You're worth it and so much more." He pulled you in for a quick kiss. "I'll swing by later to help you sort through it all, yeah?"

You nodded, a genuine smile breaking through now. "Yeah, okay. I'll see you later." you gave him one last peck on the lips before heading out, shaking your head slightly at your ridiculous boyfriend's attempt to buy your forgiveness. But even you had to admit it was a pretty damn adorable gesture. The boy was utterly smitten, that much was clear. And even if it took a small army of delivery trucks worth of designer clothes to prove it, you supposed you couldn't complain. After all, what girl didn't love a massive shopping spree courtesy of the Cameron family fortune?

Rafe sauntered up the stairs of your beach house, not bothering to knock before letting himself in. your dad was away on a fishing charter and he knew you’d be home alone trying to organize the massive shipment of clothes he had sent over as an apology gift.

"Knock knock, princess!" he called out as he strode down the hall to your bedroom. "Did you get a chance to try on any of the new outfits I bought you?"

He pushed open your bedroom door to find you sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by mounds of tissue paper and discarded shopping bags. You looked up at him in exasperation.

"Rafe! You could at least knock before barging into my room," you admonished. 

“My bad, didn't mean to startle you. Just excited to see my gifts being put to use," he said with a grin.

You sighed, gesturing to the chaos around you. "Well, I've been trying to sort through it all morning but there's just so much stuff. You went way overboard as usual."

"Anything to make my girl happy," Rafe replied smoothly, plopping down on the floor next to you. "Here, let me help you get organized."

He began sifting through the piles of clothing, occasionally holding up items for your inspection. "Ooh, you have to model this one for me," he said, grabbing a lacy black teddy. "And this mini skirt would look so hot on you."

You blushed deeply, snatching the risqué items out of his hands. "Rafe! My dad could be home any minute," you hissed in embarrassment.

"So? I want him to see how smoking his daughter looks in the outfits I bought her," Rafe said with a devilish grin. "Might make him finally approve of me."

You buried your face in your hands. "You're unbelievable," you groaned. "Can we please just focus on organizing? I don't have time for an impromptu fashion show."

"Fine fine, I'll behave. For now," he added in a playful whisper.

You guys spent the next hour sorting your new wardrobe into categories - dresses, tops, bottoms, shoes, jewelry. Rafe "helped" by periodically holding up scandalous lingerie pieces and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively until you threaten to smack him with a stiletto heel.

Despite your exasperation at the overabundance of clothing, you had to admit it was fun exploring all the different styles and accessories Rafe had picked out for you. The boy definitely knew your taste, even if he did go over-the-top with buying out the entire store. You made a mental note to donate some of the clothes to charity once you had a chance to try it all on.

You collapsed backwards onto a pile of cashmere sweaters. "Phew! We’re almost done." You smiled over at Rafe. "Thanks for your help. And for the very generous gift. Even though it's pretty ridiculous you bought out an entire store," you added with a laugh.

Rafe grinned and leaned down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. "Anything for my princess," he murmured. "You deserve to be spoiled rotten."

You giggled as he nuzzled your neck, wrapping your arms around him. You supposed you couldn't stay irritated with him for long, not when he was just trying to show his affection through expensive gifts. Over-the-top as it may be.

"Alright Casanova, that's enough distracting me," You said, playfully nudging him away. "Now help me get all of these clothes put away in my closet before my dad gets home."

You shook your head in amusement. "You're absolutely ridiculous. But…" You tilted your head up to him and smiled."I love you for it."

Rafe playfully tackled you onto the pile of cashmere sweaters you had been sorting through. You let out a surprised squeal, smacking his chest lightly as he hovered over you. "Rafeee, I told you to behave!" you chided through your laughter. He just grinned mischievously, dipping his head to kiss along your neck and collarbone as you squirmed beneath him ticklishly.

"Mm mm, you know I can never keep my hands off you for long," he murmured against your skin, nipping lightly. His hands slid up under your shirt, tracing along your stomach and ribs. You shivered at the contact, cheeks flushing as you felt him growing hard against your thigh already. You really shouldn't be doing this with your dad liable to come home any minute…but then again, the risk just made it more exciting.

You bit your lip, hesitating only a moment longer before grabbing Rafe's face and crashing your lips to his in a hungry kiss. He groaned into your mouth, grinding his hips down against yours. Things were escalating fast, all thoughts of organizing clothes now tossed aside. Rafe broke the kiss only to tug your shirt over your head swiftly. His eyes drank in the sight of your breasts encased in a lacy pink bra.

"Damn baby…have I mentioned how fucking sexy you look in all these new lingerie pieces I bought you?" He reached around to unclasp your bra, leaning down to take one of your nipples in his mouth. You whimpered, arching into him. You were quickly losing the willpower to stop this and he knew it. His hands slid under your skirt, fingers dipping beneath your panties to find you wet and ready for him already. His hands wandered recklessly over your body, groping and grasping wherever they pleased..

"R-Rafe, my dad…" You gasped half-heartedly in protest even as your body betrayed you, arching into his touch.

Rafe silenced you with another bruising kiss, grinding his arousal against you. His fingers tangled in your hair, using it as a handle to maneuver your head for better access to your neck and chest.

"Shh, don't worry about him," Rafe crooned, his breath hot against your ear. "It's just us right now." His knee nudged between your legs, parting your thighs as he claimed your mouth once more.

Your knees went weak, overwhelmed by the onslaught of Rafe's hungry kisses and wandering hands. You clung to his shoulders for support, unable to form a coherent thought beyond the sparking heat of his body pressed to yours. Your token protests died away as Rafe's skilled fingers caressed the soft skin of your breasts.

"That's my good girl," he praised darkly when you arched into his touch instead of pulling away. His knee rubbed teasingly between your legs as he continued his pleasurable assault, intent on showing you exactly who was in control here.

Your mind reeled, inner alarm bells drowned out by the pounding heartbeat in your ears. You knew you should push Rafe away, stop this before it went too far with your dad possibly home any minute. But your traitorous body seemed to have other ideas as it melted shamefully against Rafe's hard frame.

His kisses left you dizzy and compliant, willpower evaporating under the intoxicating strokes of his hands. But when those hands went to zip down your skirt, some deeply buried remnant of reason sparked back to life inside you.

"Rafe, stop," you gasped out, catching his wrists in your hands. He paused, eyes dark with lust and irritation at being denied his prize.

"Come on baby, don't be like that," he cajoled, leaning in to nip at your earlobe. "I know you want this too."

You shook your head, gently but firmly removing his hands from your body. "No, not now. Not here." Your cheeks burned but you held your ground. "I'm not comfortable going any further with my dad so close by. Can we please just…slow down?"

Rafe's jaw tightened, displeasure evident at having his fun interrupted. But after a tense moment he stepped back.

"Fine, princess, whatever you say," he relented, tone dripping with poorly concealed frustration. You let out a shaky breath, tugging your rumpled clothing back into place. Your lips still tingled from the force of Rafe's kisses but the frenzied moment had passed.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, I just don't want our first time to be so…rushed," You said earnestly, hoping he could understand despite his obvious annoyance at being denied. His eyes remained dark but he managed a tight smile.

"Yeah yeah, I got it. Wouldn't want Daddy dearest walking in on us anyway," he said with an eye roll. You smiled weakly, knowing that was as close to understanding as you would get from him right now. At least he had backed off for the moment. But you had a feeling this conversation was far from over. Rafe did not like being told no.

He swallowed down his anger, forcing his face into a strained smile. He had to play this carefully; you Lila too much and you’d bolt. No, he needed to lure you in gently, make you trust him completely.

"Of course, princess. We'll take this at your pace," he said smoothly, stroking your cheek. "I just got carried away because you're so damn irresistible." He kissed your forehead, the very picture of understanding despite the lust still raging inside him.

You visibly relaxed, giving him a shy smile. "Thank you, Rafe. I'm glad you understand. I promise, when the time is right…" You trailed off, blushing. Rafe tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers trail down your neck teasingly.

"Don't worry baby, I'll make it so good for you when you're ready," he purred. You shivered, skin tingling from his touch. "For now, why don't you model some of these new outfits for me? Might give me a sneak peek of what I have to look forward to." He grinned devilishly.

You laughed, swatting his chest playfully. "You're incorrigible," you admonished, but went to pick out a few items from the piles of new clothes. Rafe settled on your bed, hungry eyes tracking your every movement.  For now, he would enjoy the little fashion show. But it was only a matter of time before those clothes ended up scattered across the bedroom floor instead.

A relieved smile crossed your face as Rafe appeared to accept your request to slow things down without argument. You knew he must be frustrated, but you appreciate him respecting your boundaries for now. There would be a right time and place for intimacy later on.

As you sifted through the piles of new clothes, Your smile faltered slightly. You could feel Rafe's intense gaze following your every movement, almost palpable in its hunger. It sent a shiver down your spine, but not entirely an unpleasant one. Still, something about the glint in his eyes gave you pause.

You selected a few simple, conservative outfits to model - a loose fitting sundress, some shorts with a flowy blouse. But Rafe tsked in disappointment, getting up to rummage through the options himself.

"Oh come on, you can do better than that," he coaxed, grabbing a slinky miniskirt and cropped tank top. "I want to see my sexy girl shine." He shot you a playful grin as he pressed the revealing clothes into your hands.

You laughed nervously. "Rafe, those aren't really my style…" But he pouted childishly, guiding you towards the adjoining bathroom.

"Humor me? Just a peek," he insisted. You hesitated, then relented with a shy smile. You had never worn anything so risqué before, but the delight on Rafe's face was gratifying. And it was just the two of you after all…

You changed quickly, adjusting the tiny skirt over yourself. The top was snug and showed a hint of midriff that made you self-conscious. But Rafe's eager expression as you stepped out stopped any protests before they left your lips.

"Stunning," he breathed, drinking in the sight of you. You blushed under his intense scrutiny, suddenly feeling very exposed. But you tried to push past it, giving an awkward little twirl to show off the outfit fully. Rafe's grin was downright predatory.

"Now take it off nice and slow," he said lowly, eyes raking over you. "Give me a proper show."

You balked, arms crossing instinctively over your torso. "Rafe, I…" His eyebrows shot up in challenge and you faltered. Maybe you were overthinking things. You didn't want to disappoint him again…

With trembling fingers, You reached for the hem of the snug tank top. But the voice inside screaming this was a bad idea only grew louder. You dropped your hands, shaking your head firmly as you backed towards the bathroom.

"I'm sorry Rafe, I can't do this. The clothes need to stay on." Your voice was small but resolute. You wouldn't ignore your instincts, not even to placate Rafe's desires. His scowl made your stomach twist anxiously, but you stood your ground, waiting for his response.

Taking a deep breath, Rafe fixed an understanding smile on his face. "You're right, I got carried away again. I'm sorry," he said gently. "I just can't control myself around you sometimes. You look so gorgeous in that outfit."

He approached you slowly until you allowed him to take your hands in his. "Of course the clothes should stay on until you're ready. I'm truly sorry for pushing you, princess." He brushed a tender kiss over your knuckles.

You visibly relaxed, giving him a grateful smile. "It's okay, Rafe. Thank you for understanding." You leaned up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek before disappearing back into the bathroom to change.

You emerged from the bathroom in a comfortable sundress, feeling infinitely more at ease now that you were back in your own clothes. Rafe's obvious disappointment tugged at your heartstrings for a moment, but you brushed it aside. You knew in your gut that stripping for him, even just down to your underwear, wasn't something you were ready for yet.

To your relief, Rafe seemed to have reigned himself in and was back to his usual charming self, apologizing for getting carried away again. You smiled up at him gratefully, leaning in to give him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for being so patient with me," You said earnestly. "It really means a lot. I know this is all new for me." you ducked your head a bit shyly.

Rafe tilted your chin up, smiling fondly as he gazed down at you. "Of course, princess. I'll wait as long as you need. I'm just happy to be with you," he assured you smoothly.

Your heart swelled. You knew you had been lucky to find a guy like Rafe. Wealthy Kook boys had a reputation for being entitled spoiled brats. But most people didn't get to see this sweet, caring side of Rafe like you did. He could be impulsive and hot headed at times, but he respected your boundaries when it really mattered.

"You're the best boyfriend ever," You declared, going up on tiptoe to kiss him warmly. Rafe grinned against your lips, strong arms circling your waist.

"Anything for my girl," he murmured affectionately when you broke apart. You playfully booped his nose, eliciting a laugh from him.

"Alright mister, as much as I appreciate these new clothes, I could really use some help donating some of them," you said in a practical tone. "I can't even wear this many outfits in a lifetime!"

Rafe heaved a dramatic sigh but smiled good-naturedly. "Fiiine, guess I did go a little overboard on the shopping spree," he conceded. You giggled.

"Just a bit. Come on, let's get started." You took his hand, leading him back to the piles of clothes awaiting sorting. Even if Rafe's impulsive extravagance could be frustrating at times, You were grateful to have someone so attentive and willing to lavish you with gifts and affection. You hoped in time he would come to value you for more than just your looks or virginity. For now, You were content to take things slow and simply enjoy exploring young love one day at a time.

Rafe resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he let you lead him by the hand back to the piles of designer clothes he had gifted you. Donating them? What a pointless waste. He had spent a small fortune solely with the intent of seeing you decked out in finery, not giving it away to the destitute Pogues of the Cut.

But he bit his tongue, keeping up the doting act. "Of course I'll help, babe. Anything you want," he said smoothly, playing with your fingers.

Soon, he promised himself as he pulled you in for a chaste kiss on the forehead that contradicted his lustful thoughts. Your smile made him want to gag, but he mirrored it charmingly. Let you enjoy playing house a little while longer. He was adept at getting what he wanted from any woman eventually. The thought made Rafe's cock stir impatiently, but he willed it down. Not yet. He needed to lull you into total complacency first before finally stripping away the last of your resistance.

You hummed contentedly to yourself as you neatly folded clothes into donation boxes, Rafe helping beside you. You smiled up at him after he gave you a sweet kiss on the forehead, happy you guys seemed to be back in sync after the brief tension earlier.

You held up a slinky red cocktail dress, pondering keeping it for a special occasion. But no, it wasn't really your style at all. Into the donation box it went. You frowned slightly as you pulled out several incredibly risqué lingerie items - crotchless panties, lace teddies that left little to the imagination. Definitely not your taste.

"Geez Rafe, did you raid the whole lingerie section?" you asked with a laugh. Rafe just shrugged, unbothered. You shook your head in amusement as you set them aside to give to your more adventurous friend.

Once all the clothes were sorted, you surveyed the boxes contentedly. You had kept enough everyday outfits to last a lifetime, but now many girls in the Cut would have the chance to enjoy fancy new clothes too. It made you happy to spread the wealth, so to speak.

"There, all done! The donation center is going to be thrilled." You smiled brightly at Rafe. "This was a really great idea. I know I said it already, but thank you again for being so generous. And understanding about…everything," you finished, cheeks pinking slightly.

Rafe smiled back warmly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "Of course, babe. Anything for you," he said, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You snuggled into his side, relieved you seemed to be back on the same page.

You hoped with time, Rafe would see you as more than just a conquest or object of physical desire. For now, you were content taking it slow, focusing on emotional intimacy over physical. You had all the time in the world for those things later on if things progressed. But for today, You were simply happy snuggling innocently with the boy who made you feel so safe, protected and cherished. Everything was perfect just as it was.

[the-united-states-justice-system]

Hi. I exist now!

I'm the united states justice system for all of your legal problems and for anytime you want to sue someone. bla bla bla more boring intro stuff.

(ooc: for legal reasons I'm not actually the United States justice system or have any knowledge on legal stuff, just wanted to make this blog. also tagging random gimmick that I know)

@100percent-shell-oil @the-taggerrr @totally-china @communist-usa-real3 @walmart-the-official

@real-antonio-vivaldi @definitely-waste-management @the-gimmick-authority @the-official-goose-god

[freakartack]

What is your least favourite misconception or fan interpretation of the WarioWare cast?

And/or do you have a favourite headcanon the community has made for the cast?

Oooohhhh we are really going for the hot hot takes today huh. Just handing me the baseball bat like that

Well I suppose it had to come to this. I've been dancing around this for far too long. It's time for

TOP 10 FREAKATTACK HARDASS MOMENTS

NOTE: please do not open this if me shitting on popular headcanons will ruin your day. I don't generally care what people do with their life do what you want forever

OK with that out of the way it's time to get narsty. Many of these will be ship-related so if that will make you mad or bored just a heads up

1. MONA AND WARIO ARE IN LOVE

OK i lied you can't do this one forever. ENOUGH!! She is in HIGH SCHOOL and if you think she has to secretly be an adult just because she has a job and drives a scooter then not only have you never been to high school but you also have not been paying attention during any of Kat and Ana's cutscenes. "High schoolers don't usually drive that much" 5-year-olds don't usually trek the mountains high and kill people with swords but they do. I get when people get frustrated that almost all the girl characters in warioware are marketable kids, because that does kind of suck, but you can't just ignore that to get shippy about it. Cmon. "Wario was dreaming about her in that 1 microgame break" yeah, and I thought that was weird. I choose to read it as a non-romantic moment (since, again, he's old enough to be her dad), and the fact is that nothing like that has happened since. Yeah mona might think he's a hunka hunka but she has every right to! Doesn't mean they have to get married

2. MIKE AND ORBULON ARE IN LOVE

This one will stir far more pots/torches/pitchforks/etc. but since we're bringing out the fine china i might as well go all out. Here's my reasoning: Orbulon is 2000 years old. Mike is like 2. I'm not saying this one is Problematic (mike is a robot that can file taxes after all) but moreso that it is unrealistic. Picture this: You are orbulon, with all of your weird hangups and whatnot. Your buddy that fixes your car all the time and plays Go with you just had a robot son. Would you fall in love with him? Probably not. On the other end of the coin, you're the robot son now. Your inventor/employer/cyborg dad keeps inviting this weird animal into your house to study it. I don't think he would fall in love with that either. "I would," you say, "i'm built different." And more power to you. I just don't think they are.

3. LUIGI AND DAISY ARE MONA'S PARENTS

FINALLY, a non-shippy one! Anyways, since Get it Together came out, a lot of people took one blurry picture on the wall and the shape of mona's house to mean that Mona's House is actually Luigi's Mansion and that Luigi and Daisy had a child together 16 years ago and promptly abandoned it to play tennis. I think it is obvious by now that I don't think that's true. Not only has Mona described her parents extensively (one of them is an artist that is obsessed with noses, the other is a supermodel that travels the world), but neither of them are anything like Luigi and Daisy. "But what if Luigi is secretly obsessed with noses and Daisy is secretly a supermodel," you say. Okay. Then I think that Luigi cheated on Daisy with Peach, and had Rosalina together, because Peach and Rosalina both have blond hair and Luigi had a telescope once. Don't play games with me, Matthew. I know what you are.

4. PYORO IS INNOCENT

He's not

--------------------

OK now that all of that is out of the way, let's move on to the fun stuff. Top ten favorite things that people have said about warioware!!!

1. PENNY IS DR. CRYGOR'S CLONE

I first saw this thought expressed here, but I've seen many people continue the sentiment and I think it's beautiful. Penny Crygor is the good doctor's transgender lesbian clone whom we all love dearly.

2. ORBULON KNOWS WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH POLYBIUS BUT WON'T TELL ANYONE

Self-explanatory. Unfortunately the genius who thought of this one has since deactivated and the post is forever under an inaccessible read-more so this is the only evidence i have that it ever existed. You have to trust me on this one.

3. WARIO IS LIKE THEIR DAD

This isn't really a headcanon moreso a popular interpretation of the text but I do like to think that despite being a jackass he does genuinely care about all the weirdos he has racked up, including the many wayward children that have glommed onto him over the years. This is like every toxic "we're all a family here!" workplace, except that they actually are all a family here and it's toxic for unrelated reasons

[ohdeersthings]

Storm

Katsuki Bakugou x Ex!Reader

Summary: He's been cheating and youre feeling the best feeling of all..Anger

Warnings: Breaking stuff, violence (towards objects never physical to a person), hot ex reader, swearing

He must've forgot who the fuck he was dealing with.

Bakugou fucking Katsuki really must have a screw loose if he thought he could get away with lying, cheating, and straight up being an asshole.

The sneaking around your house that you both shared. Catching whiffs of perfume too overbearing to be your own, making you gag and your nose runny.

You gave him a chance to come clean, asking him one night when he came home, turning the lamp on. He froze as he caught you smiling, a small cup of whiskey in your hand.

"Who were you with?"

"You really think that of me huh?" He scoffed, trying to gaslight you for asking him a simple question, "Katsu, I never mentioned you were doing something.." you swirled your liquor and took a long sip, eyes darting to his and you watched him like a Lion stalking a Mouse.

"Promiscuous," your voice was like a sticky sweet honey, daring him to act a fool.

"Forget it, I'm going the hell to bed,"

And like that, you had him hook, line and you were going to sink him.

~.~

Of course, before you could be the one to end it. He decided to get a step ahead and you came home one day to him throwing your stuff out onto the street, a girl clinging to his arm.

"We're over, I shouldn't have to settle for some entitled bitch asking me, the Number 4 Hero, shit and getting pissy if I don't wanna answer," he snapped, but he tried to ignore the small twinge of fear when your emotionless gaze bore into him.

"Oh really?" Was all you asked, head tilted, eyes moving from his to the girl on his arm. She appeared to be about your age, maybe a couple younger.

"Sorry sweetie, if you can't keep up with the best then someone else will," her cheap lipgloss wasn't helping her already cracked lips. Her fake giggle was like listening to a pick me girl record, which is basically all she was.

A pick me bitch.

"Since everything is in my name, get your shit and leave," Katsuki smirked, trying to puff up to show his dominance. Oh you'll show him dominance alright.

"Fine, but I have one more thing I need to grab," you shoved past him, the new girls squeak of surprise when she stumbled, her heels too skinny to handle the weight change.

You walked into the hall closet, grabbing your bat.

"Don't touch anything!" His voice yelled into the house but the next sound following had him growling, curses flying out of his mouth as he heard crashes and glass shattering.

You swing the bat and broke the TV you paid for. The China cabinet that was a gift from his parents for Christmas from when they went to visit China on vacation.

Cups and plates crashed around you as you continued to swing, the girls high pitched scream making your ears ring as you dodged Katsuki who was cussing you out.

You ducked under his arm and got outside, your bat coming down hard on his precious Buggati. A birthday present to himself, that he bought on your fucking birthday.

"BITCH! FUCKING STOP!" He screamed as your cracked the windows, shattering the tail lights.

"But I'm not touching anything," you growled, throwing the bat in his direction as he dodged, unluckily being missed by the bat. "IM FUCKING DESTROYING IT!"

You brought out your pocket knife that you kept on you for safety and slashed 3 of his tires, jabbing it into the metal of the car. Puncture marks left as Katsuki finally found some ounce of motion to run over and snatch the knife out of your hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Hope he wrapped it up sis cause he's got the clap! And I know I didn't give it to him!" You called over your shoulder, flipping them off as you sauntered to your car as you listened to the screaming that was now happening up the drive way.

"Have fun Katsu~" you blew a mocking kiss as he screamed about his car while he was getting hit by the pick me bitches hands.

[melded-galaxy]

Ultimis Richtofen: Throughout the years

Part 3 of 3: The peak of insanity and the fall from power

Tranzit: Takes place on 21st October 2035 in Hanford, Washington, U.S.A. Richtofen took over the MPD in 2025, meaning this is the 10th year since the Earth became an irradiated, lava and zombie-infested wasteland.

I think it's safe to say Richtofen is more off his rocker than ever, having reigned over the zombies and being connected to the Aether for a decade. He's incredibly zany, raunchy and childish, has uncontrollable mood swings, his emotions flipping from absolute rage to joy at a moment's notice. His attitude towards Stuhlinger ranges from trying to be somewhat supportive and friendly to sexually harassing him to savagely insulting and threatening him, depending on the map and how well Samuel is following his instructions.

Over the years, both Richtofen and Maxis found ways to contact the surviving humans, both men vying for the surviving humans' loyalty for their own goals. Battles were fought on behalf of the two scientists between differing groups of survivors.

Richtofen often pitted the remaining members of both the CDC and CIA against each other for his own amusement. Seen in the 8-player BO2 Zombies Grief mode on maps Town, Farm and Borough.

George Barkley, former assistant director of the CDC, reports that Element 115 has seemingly spread across the globe, similar to an air-born virus, with infected survivors listing 'short-term memory loss, psychosis, delusion, and paranoia' as side effects. Tellingly, Richtofen suffers from all of these.

It quickly becomes apparent that Richtofen can only communicate with any human that has eaten zombie flesh. Stuhlinger, a member of Victis, and a previous member of a cult named The Flesh, is the only one in the group that can hear Richtofen. The rest of the team is in contact with Maxis. Despite Stuhlinger's pleas, Victis ultimately sides with Maxis.

Similar to at the end of Moon's easter egg, as Richtofen is in control of the zombies he is once again the demonic announcer.

Richtofen is unamused by Victis and is starting to miss his old teammates, especially Nikolai. 'Gah, you guys are boring!' 'Blah blah blah vodka vodka blah blah. *sighs* I think I'm starting to miss that drunk...' 'You know, I think I'm starting to miss the other three...'

Despite being unimpressed with Victis, Richtofen does enjoy trolling them. 'Oh look, you got the Wunderwaffe DG2... JUST KIDDING!' 'It looks like a Max Ammo but I can't be sure... I can only see EVERYTHING at the same time.' 'You know, I never like how that little brat never told us how anything worked, so the secret to survive is *gibberish* ... AND THAT'S HOW YOU WIN!'

Tells Stuhlinger that he wants to heal the Earth, though also admits only so he can use the survivors as playthings. Also mentions to Stu that Maxis will kill all surviving humans... he's right. 'Soon, this beautiful planet will be healed once more and the flesh will cover the Earth!' 'You will be the heroes that saved all the Earth... for ME TO PLAY WITH!' 'Maxis WILL KILL YOU ALL!' 'We must hurry because Maxis is a busy little beaver unt the dam he builds will kill you all! Trust me!'

The doc enjoys calling Stuhlinger nicknames. 'Sammy! Sammy boy! Are you ignoring me?' 'The clock is ticking my little pink sausage... you better move those porky little legs!'

The tactic of leaving a single crawler at the end of the round to take a break, Pack a Punch or complete Easter Egg steps seems to be a canon method Richtofen and the rest of Ultimis used throughout their journey to Moon. 'Ah. Trying to take a break I see.' 'Now which one of you is going to take care of that little bastard while everyone else runs around?'

He is acquainted with Nacht Der Untoten's main building and quotes that it looks familiar.

Die Rise: Interestingly enough, the events of Die Rise take place only a day after Tranzit, on the 22nd of October, 2035 in Shanghai, China.

The opening cutscene shows us that a demonic-sounding voice is ordering Samuel around and instructing him to 'mend the rift'. When Stuhlinger argues back, the voice reveals that it knows of Samuel's past acts of cannibalism when he was still a member of The Flesh and threatens to tell the others.

I'm not sure if this demonic voice is supposed to be Richtofen, or an Apothicon speaking to Stuhlinger, as we do hear the doc later on in the cutscene when he's telling Victis to 'Accept their fate. Begin anew.'

The cutscene also reveals that Richtofen teleported them from Washington to Shanghai and that when Victis dies, Richtofen has the power to rewind time, bringing them back to life and effectively giving them another chance to aid him against Maxis. Victis have no memory of their former deaths, only a sense of deja vu.

Strangely enough, Richtofen does this despite Victis siding with Maxis before in Tranzit and for some reason either chooses not to or can't rewind time after Victis previously chose to aid Maxis.

Once again, Victis ultimately sides with Maxis.

Unfortunately, one part of the Easter Egg involves getting balls wet with the Sliquifier. This proves too much for Richtofen, who becomes even hornier than usual and more sexually-frustrated than ever. This is made doubly uncomfortable by the fact that he is still currently in the body of a little girl. Oh, and he calls Stuhlinger a whore (...projection). "Look to the dragon. The energy flows! Oh, how it flows on my face." "JAA! MAKE THOSE BALLS WET, YOU WHORE!" "More! Keep going...(whispering) ugh you cannot have dry balls, dry balls ugh not good." "Ahhh, that was good. Maxis will no longer be able to get his filthy hands on those balls, those all-so-wet balls."

Buried: Takes place on 31st of December, 2035 in Angola, Africa. The opening cinematic shows Victis travelling on foot, so Richtofen most likely didn't teleport them to the location.

It's implied in the opening dialogue Richtofen and Stuhlinger engage in that the doctor hasn't been in contact with Stu as frequently, most likely because of Victis siding with Maxis on Tranzit and again on Die Rise. It's possible Richtofen was trying to contact other survivors to do his bidding in Victis' place. Nevertheless, Richtofen ultimately tries once more to get Samuel to convince the rest of Victis to do as he says, with no success.

Victis for the final time sides with Maxis, setting up the last polarisation tower to open the ‘rift’ for Maxis. This results in Maxis harnessing the power of the Aether and taking control of the zombies. Maxis kicks Richtofen out of Samantha's body and into the body of a zombie as a punishment. When the zombie is killed, Richtofen's soul enters another zombie nearby, damning the doctor to die over and over again at the hands of Victis. Maxis, powered by the Aether, sets out to reunite with Samantha, which will unfortunately lead to the destruction of Earth and all its inhabitants. This is the canonical ending.

In the non-canon ending where Victis sides with Richtofen in all the maps, he gains full control over the Aether and zombies and proceeds to erase Maxis from existence. Edward seems disinterested in returning to his own body and now has the power to rejoin the physical world, which he does by taking over Stuhlinger's body... or at least attempts to. Much to the doctor's surprise, Samuel survives Richtofen's body-snatching attempt and the two now must share/fight for control over Stuhlinger's body. Richtofen appears stuck in Stuhlinger's body and admits that he didn't think this through.

Similar to Die Rise, Richtofen is ridiculously horny in this map. 'Aha, you are making an old German very happy... unt stiff.' 'Keep going! I do not want you to stop... not even for breathe... ahaha.' 'You are reaching the climatic moment... oh it feels good ja?'

He's also ridiculously childish, repeatedly yapping about playing games and having fun. 'Curse you Maxis! You and your stupid girl! You are always ruining my fun unt games!' 'Now, throw the pennies into the fountain and we get to play a fun little game ahaha.' 'Now you go from grumbly hateful to hungry grateful ahahaha! I rhymed!' 'Ah, it's really not that different from how things were before, Sammy. We get to talk to each other, play games! It's really quite exciting! You'll like the fact that we're gonna be eating more salad.'

Alludes to 'the cycle', a big part of the zombie storyline we see in B03 and BO4. 'Nein. It cannot be like this forever. There has to be a way to break the cycle.'

He knows the rest of Victis disliked Stuhlinger. 'Now search their cold, dead bodies aha. It shouldn't be too upsetting - I know you weren't close!'

Interestingly, similar to his Primis counterpart, he feels a strong urge to be needed by others/meet their approval. Also like his Primis self, he is disgusted by dirt and mess. 'I just want to feel needed again!' 'Ahh! The bodies are so filthy! So dirty so stinky! Would it kill you to stop eating brains and take a shower!'

Richtofen acts self-pitying and disgusted when stuck in the body of a zombie, and seems to feel its hunger for flesh. 'This is horrible!' 'What have I ever done to deserve this torment?!' 'I'm trapped! I'm rotting! I'm hungry!'

So we've reached the end of Black Ops 2 Zombies Richtofen! This is where I think Richtofen's comedic elements and insanity reached its apex— time for the gradual come down.

Time Zombified/comics: So there was a miniseries of comics by Dark Horse Comics and published by Activision that followed Victis attempting to escape the end of the world caused by Maxis in Buried. In the comics, we see that the Victis crew is being pursued by an intelligent zombie that is uncannily dressed in a Nazi General's uniform. The zombie is, of course, Ultimis Richtofen, who turns out to be working with his Primis counterpart to acquire Victis and help Primis Richtofen attain the Kronorium.

Undead Richtofen retains his intelligence and ability to plan, as well as having a newfound ability to control the movements of other zombies in the nearby vicinity.

Sometime after the comics, Undead Richtofen teleports to Groom Lake, where the rest of Ultimis, who teleported from the Moon after the completion of the Moon Easter Egg, are captured and experimented on by the Americans. Undead Richtofen found his old body, comatose after the events of Buried, and transferred his soul into it. He was subsequently imprisoned with the rest of Ultimis and experimented on and had to be sedated multiple times due to how animated he was.

Honestly, I have no idea how Ultimis Richtofen wasn't straight up murdered by the rest of Ultimis given both his betrayal and the fact they now remember he performed unethical experiments on them back in Siberia. Instead, he's seen just uneasily chilling with them again. They had plenty of opportunites to do so as well, considering they were all held in the same cell and not restrained. Perhaps the attempted brainwashing/mind control Richtofen had previously done to the rest of Ultimis prevented them from outright killing him or maybe Ultimis Richtofen managed to persuade them that he'd be able to break them out. It's also possible that the rest of Ultimis was simply too depressed/traumatized to bother killing Richtofen.

According to a quote from Dempsey in Alpha Omega, Ultimis were captured, tortured and experimented on for a few months.

As shown in Classified's easter egg ending, a post-moon Nikolai, Takeo and Dempsey and a post-buried Richtofen now back in his own body are held captive in a cell in Hanger 4 by the Americans. It's implied that all 4 are suffering from overexposure to element 115 and are unethically experimented on. Abruptly, the Primis crew arrive and free Ultimis from their imprisonment, bringing them to Camp Edward.

Alpha Omega: Ah, Alpha Omega. This marks the last time Ultimis Richtofen, as well as the rest of Ultimis and Primis are playable and the only time both crews are playable on one map. There's plenty of dialogue and interactions in this map to get through, so let's get started.

Richtofen is happy to be reunited with his old team and urges them to 'forgive unt forget' when it comes to the small matter of him betraying and torturing them and dooming the planet. 'Anyway, Dempsey, I think we've got off on the wrong feet. I'm a changed man! I've got absolutely zero intentions of blowing anything... up.' 'Hooray! The gangs all here again! Isn't it so nice to be reunited! Especially after all that nasty business on the moon.'

He's absolutely ecstatic to be back to slaughtering zombies. 'BLEED FOR ME, I LOVE IT!' 'More blood! I can NEVER HAVE ENOUGH!' 'I'm so happy I cry!'

Edward seems to no longer hear the voices/the apothicons and may be slightly saner because of it. He doesn't mention them in Alpha Omega or Tag der Toten.

Once again, Richtofen fails to contain his horniness. 'I swear, I'll put anything down my throat...' 'Mmm, just like gargling ball sweat - oops! I meant boar sweat.' 'You're very precise, Takeo! Almost anally so...'

He did not like the experiments the Americans ran on him while imprisoned in Groom Lake. 'I do so love experiments, especially devious ones... BUT ONLY WHEN I AM THE DOCTOR!'

Richtofen acts more antagonistic towards both Ultimis and Primis Nikolai on this map, probably because Primis Nikolai is leading both groups and both Richtofens are put out by that fact. Despite still claiming to hate Dempsey, he acts slightly less antagonistic to both versions in Alpha Omega. 'I cannot believe I am taking orders from Nikolai Dummkopf Belinski!' 'You are too kind! Especially to Nikolai. He's an idiot.' 'I would applaud, Dempsey, but my handsss are kinda busy.' 'Dempsey, dear Dempsey, I am not quite as self-obsessed as you seem to think. Not everything is about me you know!'

Ultimis Richtofen apparently owns a summer cabin in Bulgaria, that has regular poison gas leaks.

He's aware that he's melodramatic. 'You're being very melodramatic, Takeo. And coming from me that's... that's really saying something.'

Ultimis Richtofen considers his Primis self better looking, but claims he has no sense of humour. He also claims his other self ultimately failed to achieve his goals and that he wets the bed. 'That other Richtofen may be younger unt better looking, but he has no sense of humour!' 'And how did my overly emotional doppelganger do? He failed. He messed everything up. Just like when he wet the bed.'

Edward wears contact lenses. 'Someone come help me find my contact lenses.. and maybe restart my heart.'

Like Ultimis Dempsey often does, Richtofen breaks the fourth wall a few times. 'Did you try shouting for your player friends?!' 'You answered the crawl of duty, wink wink, unt you paid the price!'

Ultimis Nikolai, Dempsey and Takeo along with the Primis crew actively despise Ultimis Richtofen for obvious reasons. 'Aw what happened Richtofen? Nuke go off?' 'Frankly, if he's still standing at the end of this, I'm gonna be pissed.' 'I know my other self can be rather... eccentric. Annoying, even. But we really are quite different!' 'I find that very hard to believe, Richtofen. You are all equally unlikeable and unreliable.' 'One fact remains undeniable: you are an evil that must be stopped.'

He's salty about the fact/somehow knows about that his Primis self shot a version of Ultimis Richtofen in the face, as seen in bo3's the giant opening. 'What did my other self ever do to you? Did he shoot you in the face??' 'Remember it? Of course, I don't remember it! When you're shot in the head, memory loss is one the most common side effects.'

Ultimis Richtofen's much more absent-minded in this map in particular and struggles with memory issues that seem to be getting worse. He has definitely cognitively declined since the days of Shi No Numa. 'this reminds me, I really do need to do laundry.' 'Hello, orb! My name's Edward and I fight the undead. What exactly do you do?' 'Finally! Now I can get back to pursuing my own interests! Hmm...' 'Okay Edward, don't forget you have this... this... what was I talking about?'

Despite his more happy-go-lucky attitude in this map, Richtofen has bouts of suicidal ideation. 'Sometimes I think death would have been a mercy...' 'I'm surprised you didn't just put me out my misery.'

Tag Der Toten: The sanest version of Ultimis Richtofen we see in any map. Takes place on October 13th 2025. This is the final appearance of Ultimis Richtofen and at the end, he's incredibly calm, almost melancholy. His voice is much deeper-pitched than usual, and he sounds almost like his Primis counterpart.

Interestingly enough, it seems to legitimately pain Richtofen to have to lie to and manipulate Stuhlinger again. He's much kinder to Samuel in this map than he was in bo2, and seems fond of him. 'Oh, I'm watching Sammy. Kudos on the headshot.' 'I know, Sammy. I found you mildly amusing too.' 'It's them or you, Sammy and who would I talk to if you were gone?' 'I'm proud of you, Sammy. You are a veritable killing machine today!'

We hear in the campfire quotes in Tag Der Toten, that Ultimis and Primis spent one last night together, sharing stories, drinking together and acting like friends. Around the campfire, Ultimis Richtofen stated honestly that 'he just wanted power, preferably absolute' and that he 'wasn't sorry for anything and had the time of his life'. He was also surprised by his Primis self admitting he once saw Maxis as a father figure and commented he only ever saw Maxis as a bitter rival. Ultimis Richtofen's hatred of Samantha has also seemed to lesson somewhat by Tag Der Toten.

Unbeknown to Ultimis and the rest of Primis, Primis Nikolai secretly poisoned their drinks, killing Ultimis Nikolai, Ultimis Takeo, Ultimis Dempsey, Primis Richtofen, Primis Dempsey and Primis Takeo. Instead of dying, Ultimis Richtofen reverts to his Zombified state and begins instructing Stuhlinger and by extension, the rest of Victis throughout their last journey to build the Agarthan Device.

At the end of the easter egg, Ultimis Richtofen apologises to Samuel just as he and the rest of Victis is banished into the dark aether. Richtofen is then shot in the head by Primis Nikolai, killing him instantly. Primis Nikolai then goes on end the multiverse in the hopes of creating a better timeline, free of corruption and his last act is to have Samantha shoot him.

As Samantha and Eddie, a child version of Richtofen, travel to the new world, we hear the final wishes of Ultimis and Primis. Ultimis Richtofen's final wish is to relax and perhaps open his own morgue.

Bonus Fun Facts/Stuff I Forgot To Mention!

Edward is somewhere in his late 50s to early 60s, by the time Ultimis arrives at Shi No Numa.

Richtofen first joined the Illuminati in 1925 and left the organisation in 1942. When he first joined the Illuminati, Edward would have likely been somewhere in his late 30's to early 40's.

He joined Group 935 in 1936, originally to leak intel back to the Illuminati. He would have likely been around his late 40's to early 50's when he started working with Group 935.

Edward went to boarding school, according to a quote on Alpha Omega.

He references Germany's financial collapse after WW1 in Ascension. 'The inflation is killing me.'

Ultimis Dempsey hates Richtofen, Ultimis Nikolai is neutral towards Richtofen until the latter's betrayal on Moon and Ultimis Takeo liked Richtofen until he started regaining his memories on Ascension. From then on, Takeo only pretends to be friendly towards Richtofen, while secretly scheming behind his back. The 'Takeo is the first to remember' sub-plot from bo1 never really goes anywhere, however, as Richtofen ultimately succeeds in taking over the MPD and betrays the rest of Ultimis anyway on Moon.

Richtofen liked/respected Dr. Groph and Dr. Schuster and acted favourably towards them even after he lost his mind. 'Excellent, Dr. Schuster. Commence test number 151.' 'And you, Dr. Groph, are now the lead scientist here at Griffin Station.' 'Don't worry Dr. Schuster. I had you go with the Americans. It'd be good for your softer side.' However, as he grew more paranoid and his madness took root, it's clear he distanced himself from them, treating them more like pawns and with less respect. 'I'm more than alive, Mr. Schuster. Is the device still intact?' 'Yes, I will dispose of Dr. Maxis and that little brat personally. Do not. Touch. Anything.'

While Richtofen hates Dempsey and looks down on him/enjoys mocking him for his simple nature and lack of intelligence, he may be begrudgingly attracted to the marine, depending on the map/Richtofen's depiction. He has made flirtatious remarks and even grabbed his...yeah, in Call of the Dead. 'Hello Dempsey! Aren't you a sight for my sore eyes.' 'I hate you, Dempsey. I even hate your eyes.' 'Big Dempsey... you're so BIG!' Conversely: 'Oh Dempsey, have you always been this ugly?' 'I hate you, Dempsey. I hate your ugly voice.' 'Dempsey, you annoy me. And you're disgusting. AND I HATE YOUR FACE AND YOUR NECK!'

Richtofen is amused by and has a crush on Nikolai, which seems to fade by the time Alpha Omega takes place. 'Look Nikolai! How romantic!' 'Come on my big strong Russian bear! Arrr!' 'It's so slippery unt wet unt joyful! Just like you, Nikolai!' 'Maybe we should strap explosives to Nikolai's back!' 'I know it must be hard, having your smart, handsome, sober brother showing up... waving his big, fat soul in your face.' 'I wish my Nikolai knew how to shoot straight - or in fact do anything of use.'

Richtofen is either indifferent to or mildly dislikes Takeo. 'Oh, it's a picture of the monkey bomb.' 'Takeo has always been so quiet. For some reason, no matter the pain, he was always so respectful. I hate that.' 'I always liked you, Takeo! Even when I didn't.'

The entire Primis crew hates Ultimis Richtofen, especially his Primis self for obvious reasons.

The Shadowman thinks favourably of Ultimis Richtofen, according to his dialogue in Revelations. 'You do know that Richtofen is a friend of mine? I say friend, but really he's so much more than that. At one point, I almost considered him my apprentice.' 'At one point he did everything I told him to. I keep hoping he'll remember the promise he made to me, so long ago.'

Dr. Monty thinks of Ultimis Richtofen as evil, childish and an idiot. 'Richtofen, crazy Richtofen, evil Richtofen, remember him? Fucking idiot blew up the Earth! It didn't really all go to plan though, did it? He never even had a plan. He ended up trying to enlist the help of some other idiots left in the apocalyptic wasteland.'

Russman, Misty and Marlton dislike/distrust all versions of Richtofen. Stuhlinger likes/looks up to Ultimis Richtofen despite his axe-crazy personality and called him 'the sweetest guy in the whole universe' in Tag Der Toten. Likewise, I believe Richtofen did develop a soft spot for Samuel over time as he's the only person Ultimis Richtofen has ever expressed genuine remorse for. At the end of Tag Der Toten's Easter Egg: 'I know. And I'm so sorry.'

While the voices Richtofen heard after touching the MPD on the moon were never an auditory hallucination brought on by Schizophrenia, they were real entities that we later find out were the Apothicons/Shadowman, he may have also developed schizophrenia later on anyway due to the effects the voices had on his mental state. Some of Richtofen's in-game quotes hint at him hearing and seeing things that clearly aren't there. When interacting with Nikolai's portrait in Kino: 'His eyes are following me...' When getting the monkey bomb: 'Do you hear him talking to you, Nikolai?' When getting the Wunderwaffe DG2: Do you hear it talking to me?' Furthermore, Edward is also aware of the fact he's mentally ill: 'Carefully balanced... much like my mental state!' 'It's not always fun being like this...'

Richtofen's favourite food is potato salad. His favourite drink may be root beer.

Edward may have arthritis, according to a quote in der riese.

Despite claiming to hate monkeys, Richtofen apparently considered adopting one and enjoys spanking them according to a sus quote on Alpha Omega. 'I find monkeys annoying. I spank them every chance I get...' Furthermore, Dempsey implies Richtofen may have done obscene things with the monkey bombs. 'Richtofen, stop trying to hump the stuffed monkey, man! It's creeping me out.' 'If anyone's done anything... borderline with that monkey, it's Richtofen, man.' 'Richtofen, don't get any ideas. I don't think it's legal!'

For some reason, Richtofen owns an MP3 player. Where he got it is never elaborated on. He also somehow might have watched Back To The Future at some point, as he makes a reference to the film in Ascension. '1.21 Gigawatts! Now where have I heard that before?'

Why Richtofen wears a WW2 Nazi General's uniform is never explained in any of the games. It's especially confusing as in the lore, it's clear that Richtofen disliked the Nazi party and especially Group 935's secret affiliation with them, courtesy of Maxis. Out of Universe, Richtofen's model was taken from the WAW campaign; he shares the same model as Amsel. World at War Richtofen was originally meant to be a Nazi Officer/interrogator, which is shown in Richtofen's WAW bio: '"Beware The Doc". A message that was scrawled across walls of every town under Axis control. Starvation may cripple you, dysentery may wreck you, and gunfire may rip the flesh from your bones, but "Beware the Doctor". This is Dr. Richtofen, known affectionately as "The Butcher" to his victims as they scream in agony moments before he snuffs out their light. All through his career, Richtofen has been at the forefront of torture and information extraction research. Richtofen is an incurable sociopath and sees no moral distinction between natural death and murder; the victim is the victim, regardless of how their demise manifests itself.'

However, this was later softly retconned; Richtofen became a scientist of Group 935 only affiliated with the Nazi party through a deal Maxis secretly made, though he was previously a member of the Illuminati of his own volition. Personally, I think Ultimis Richtofen wears the uniform just because he thinks it looks good and gives off an air of authority. It also probably helped him blend in with the other members of Ultimis, as they were all military figures. However, this is all mostly speculation.

Richtofen has shown sexual attraction to both men and, rarely, women - he's most likely Bi or Pansexual with a preference for men. 'Oh, she sounds like a sweet little specimen!' 'Hm, I hope this drink doesn't affect my fertility... oh the thought of little Doctors!'

Richtofen is a serial molester who belongs on the sex offender registry, according to the Call of the Dead Easter Egg and numerous other quotes. 'Ow! Let go! That's not a LEVER. RICHTOFEN!!' 'Just because the lights aren't on doesn't mean I can't kick your ass, Richtofen. *Dempsey slaps Richtofen hard enough for the German to fall over* Now get your finger out of mine!' 'You remind me of a patient, except you make less noise when I stick things in you...' 'that's... that's still not a lever, Richtofen.'

Speaking of Call of the Dead, Edward is also likely to be physically weaker and less durable than his super soldier test subjects. A single slap from Dempsey in cotd was enough to floor him.

Richtofen has cannibalistic tendencies. 'First I will cook them, then I will eat them!' 'I will help you, Dempsey, but only because I want to be the one to eat your heart!'

Richtofen may have necrophilic tendencies. 'Their screams are so... erotic, ja...' 'Oh, could you FEEL it going in?' 'Oh, how I love the sexy undead!' 'Shame, Takeo. His head was his only redeeming feature. Such a pretty mouth...'

Edward is a narcissist and has a god complex. 'I am all powerful!' 'I AM A GOD!' 'You know, I used to be in your shoes... then I became an all powerful, omnipotent being haha!'

Along with being a sadist, Edward is a hardcore masochist, to the point he enjoys having spikes rammed up his backside. 'Oh! Oh, that's... that's good, that's okay, buy me dinner next time.' 'Oh, you have spikes in you now! You like that? The spikes? I do...' 'I would hurt so good if I put my hand in there...'

Richtofen may have also prostituted himself at some point, according to more sussy quotes from shangri-la. 'Ah, t-that's usually an extra fifty!' 'Hey Richtofen, how 'bout some knee time? What, you like that anyway!' 'Ten points a pull, bet Rectalfun would do it for free.'

According to Ultimis Dempsey, Richtofen's got small dick energy. 'This portrait's bigger than everyone else's. Must be tryna compensate for something.' '.5 millimetres of love, just like Richtofen!'

Richtofen takes pride in his appearance and is fashion-conscious. 'Not the prettiest thing I've ever worn but it will do.' 'Ugh, these stains will never come out of my uniform!' 'The steel is so clean I can almost see my reflection - Oh you handsome devil...' 'Oh, I may need this but I do hate to mess up my hair.'

Richtofen has an unhealthy obsession with spleens, a trait he shares with Samantha. Perhaps due to Apothicon influence? Maybe Samantha and Richtofen inherited their love for spleens after getting corrupted.

Speaking of Samantha, Richtofen enjoyed being in her body, and called his child self a 'little girl' on Moon. Make of that as you will.

Given that 10 years passed from the events of Moon to Tranzit and then presumably a few months to a year from Tranzit to the end of the Call of duty zombies' comics, at a rough estimate, Ultimis Richtofen would have been in his late 60's to early 70's at the time of his death in Tag Der Toten.

As a last note, I want to highlight the absolute mental decline and personality change that Ultimis Richtofen went through, from all the way back in 1939 before he was corrupted by the apothicons/shadowman to the end of Buried where we see him at his absolute most insane. He went from acting and sounding like this: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/callofduty/images/2/2c/Moon_Audio_Log_1_BO.ogg/revision/latest?cb=20130811020209

To this: https://youtu.be/2UxWGDwIpg4

The difference is just staggering. And yet the evolution of his character doesn't end there. On Alpha Omega, Richtofen is more mentally stable than when he was in bo2, serving as the demonic announcer, thanks in part to apparently no longer hearing the voices and having time to reflect on everything that has happened to him during his imprisonment at Groom Lake.

By Tag Der Toten, Ultimis Richtofen is sounding nearly as calm as his Primis self: https://youtu.be/JudP0Eo634E Not to say he fully regains his sanity, but he does become more sound of mind before his death.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this in-depth analysis of Ultimis Richtofen and his transformation throughout the games! This was fun to write, but goddamn took me a long time. I hope it's an informative and interesting read. Feel free to add anything I've missed or got wrong in replies/tags :)

[loquaciousquark]

I got a ton of prompts last week; thank you! It turns out crawling all over Hawaii's Big Island doesn't leave a huge amount of time for writing in the evenings. The airport sure does, however!

This is the first of two fills I managed to complete. I'm still plucking away at a few more, but considering both of these ended up much longer than I expected, they may take a bit as well. All will be posted on AO3 once I'm finished.

For @liliactrees, "china aster: jealousy." 2600 words, set about a week post-game.

--

Torches in silver sconces blazed merrily on either side of the fine carved doors. They called to passersby in crackling welcome, as did the cultured cheers and calls of laughter within which burst out at every entering patron. Every now and then the doors opened to reveal glimpses of diners in glittering gowns and robes, two glass chandeliers a trifle large for the space, and the scent of beautifully cooked meat.

Tav, who had a new rent in her cloak and a still-damp mudstain down her entire left leg, would just as soon have gone back to the Elfsong for the evening; but a crew of rebuilding construction workers had at last taken on the inn’s shattered west wall, and all guests had been summarily displaced for the duration. Two days, they’d said. Three, if the Elder Brain’s death throes had fractured the foundation. Not much she could do there without taking up a hammer herself.

And besides, Astarion was here. It was a restaurant and auberge just to his taste: on the low side of the Upper City, grossly overpriced, staffed with obsequious parlor-maids and utterly choked with gilt candelabra. She’d as soon taken up at the Blushing Mermaid, but Astarion had made it clear washed sheets were a non-negotiable, and that had severely limited their options. 

Nothing to be done for it. She shook out the road-grit from her cloak, re-tied her hair more smoothly, and pushed open the door. A man in a starched white shirt leapt to pull it the rest of the way for her—unsettling enough even before he apologized for his lapse in attention—and Tav muttered some generic benediction before fleeing past him. 

The main room was fine, very large and very crowded. On the left side were two dozen tables, crammed with velvet-cushioned chairs and bedecked with platters of steaming fish and cut-crystal wineglasses. On the right was a small dance floor, overcrowded just like the rest of the room with men and women in full evening dress, a small string trio on a corner stage leading them through some swirling dance Tav didn’t know. 

Astarion would be at the bar, she knew. Tav kept her head down as she weaved through the crowd, avoiding the glances of curious diners at her leather armor, her bloodied gloves, the blasted mudstain down her leg. Bloody oozes. Bloody opportunistic looters without a goose’s sense among them, too foolish to understand that what they’d stolen from Sorcerous Sundries might in fact be very, very magical indeed—

There. The crowd parted enough she could make out Astarion’s white hair, and every ounce of tension melted out of her like oil off a hot pan. He was sitting at the bar on the back wall, one leg crossed over the other, his chin on his hand, his whole body turned toward the person sitting beside him. His eyes were lidded and unblinking and beautiful, and Tav wanted nothing more in the world than to walk straight into his arms and bury her face in his chest. 

Astarion’s neighbor said something, leaning towards him, and Astarion laughed. A conspiratorial laugh, low and inviting, and a smile afterwards that seemed full of promises. Tav stumbled to a halt. 

Who—a man. She didn’t know him. A little taller than her, she thought, and an elf, very slim, with tawny hair that fell in a straight sheet down his back. He was dressed in fine robes of orange and gold, and nearly every finger bore a jewel-studded ring. He leaned in towards Astarion again, and though she couldn’t hear the words from here, she could make out enough of his tone to know it was a question. 

Jealousy roared up the back of her throat like bile. Tav recoiled, shocked at her own vitriol—but a second wave crashed over her before the first had waned, and her fingers clenched around the hilt of her rapier. 

How dare he. How dare this man—this stranger—come to this overpriced hothouse of an inn and choose Astarion out of everyone, out of all the wretched jewel-encrusted gentry swirling around them to sink his soft unbloodied hands into—

And just as swiftly as it came, the jealousy vanished.

Why not? 

Why not Astarion? He was clearly the most handsome man in the room, apparently unattached and used to luxury, his fine white curls tumbling over his forehead, his eyes sharp as knives. He was dressed in her favorite black with red trim—the embroidery on this one was more subtle, less garish—and his long, elegant fingers played over the stem of his wineglass with careless grace. Even the silver threading on his shoes shone. He might have stepped down from a painting only moments ago, and she had blood on one cheek and sewer muck caked into the heels of her boots. 

What right did she have, after all? This man might be everything Astarion deserved. Self-assured, wealthy, able to keep him in fine clothes and carriages and company the way he ought to be kept. The diamond on the man’s thumb alone could buy half the Wide, Tav thought; surely someone like that could purchase Astarion safety from the sun. In her experience, the wealthy always knew people, or they knew people who knew people, and if nobody knew anybody then the money could always find someone for them instead. 

To Tav’s horror, her foot took a half-step backwards.  

Better this way, hissed a small voice in the back of her mind, one which sounded remarkably like her long-dead aunt. Better this way, you rotten lead weight. Fucking shackle, what good are you? Let go before you sink him too. 

Her foot took another step backwards, and then Astarion laughed. 

A beautiful sound on the face of it. Not that high giggle he gave when he was being shocking on purpose; not that punch of sound when he was surprised by his own amusement. It was a coaxing, persuasive sort of laugh, very musical, and to Tav’s ears—thin and fragile as a sheet of glass. 

Oh, gods. What was she doing? What was she doing? 

The fear released its hold on her feet as if she’d burst into flame. She strode forward, narrowly displacing a waiter with a tray of expensive-looking liqueurs, and split through a pair of cattily gossiping half-elves with matching feather fascinators. The mud was forgotten. The torn cloak was forgotten. The sideways glances and whispered asides as she passed—nothing at all. 

He loved her. How dare she forget? How dare she think such a precious thing might not be worth fighting for? 

She could practically hear his voice in her head. Little idiot!

She broke through the last of the crowd between them, and Astarion saw her. A shell fell away from his expression, so delicate and perfectly molded she’d hardly noticed it until it vanished, and then a warmth grew in his crimson eyes. Not some great blaze, not a raging fire that leapt from tree to tree; something smaller instead, quiet and very steady, the way one lit a candle at the door to welcome home a weary lover.

His smile was real. She thought she could survive a thousand years on that alone.

”Astarion,” Tav said as she reached him, and then she did what she’d longed to for hours and walked straight into his chest where he sat.

“Hello, darling,” he said to the top of her head, and his cool arm wrapped instantly around her shoulders. She shuddered in relief. “Gods below. Did you know you’re filthy?”

”It hadn’t completely escaped my notice,” she said, her words muffled in his collar. Despite every instinct she had telling her to curl up against him right here and sleep for a week, Tav forced herself to straighten. Astarion’s hand slid to the back of her neck, but he didn’t let her go, and he made no move to displace her from the cradle of his knees. “I see you’re very clean and pressed.”

”Volunteer less often for that nasty rebuilding effort, my dear, and you too can spend your days lounging on satin sheets and reading extremely awful poetry.” 

Tav laughed, and his eyes softened. She said, “I missed you.”

”Yes,” he said, as close as he ever ventured to such admissions in public. The string trio finished one set and began another; his thumb stroked up the line of her neck and down again.

The man beside Astarion abruptly cleared his throat. They both looked over; he lifted a manicured, arrogant brow. “You must excuse me,” the man said with the brassy air of one used to being obeyed. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.”

”Yes, Astarion, introduce me to your friend.”

Ah, he knew her too well. A wicked gleam flashed though his eyes, gone again before she could blink. “Of course. Good sir, this is the succinctly-named Tav, orphan of this fair city turned recently and disgustingly savior of the same. My love, this is…ah. Alexander.”

”Alahonder,” the man said, now decidedly icy. “My wife is Olara Hhune.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m not familiar,” Tav said, and she pulled her glove off with her teeth before extending her hand to shake. He took it for the briefest moment, his fingers limp as eels. “Have you two lived in Baldur’s Gate long?”

“Yes,” he said curtly. 

Astarion lifted his wineglass swiftly to his lips. Tav let him—his fingers were trembling with laughter against her neck—and rested an idle hand on Astarion’s knee. “How wonderful. You two must love each other very much.” 

Alahonder Hhune, who had one of the most infamously contentious marriages in the city’s history—who had, Tav knew, been thrown twice from his Upper City manse within the last three months by his furious wife—curled his impeccable elven lip. “Of course,” he said, even more glacial than before. Then he seemed to rally, and with a visible effort he gathered together the scraps of his composure and turned back to Astarion. “My dear boy,” he said, all coaxing honey now, “let me find you again later. Alone, I think. We could pick up right where we left off, hmm?”

”Of course,” Astarion said gleefully, and he brushed his free hand through the man’s tawny hair where it framed his face. “Come back tonight, near midnight. Don’t worry. I’ll find you.” 

“Oh,” the man said with a bloom of painfully obvious lust, and without another glance at Tav, he stood in a flourish of orange and gold robes and strode away into the crowd. They parted for him, then closed again behind him like water as if he’d never been. 

Astarion, who was still running his thumb over Tav’s neck, turned her face to his. “Well, hello,” he purred. “What curious timing you have, my dear.”

”Just lucky, I suppose,” she said, unable to keep the stupid smile from her face, and before she could succumb to the doubt she leaned up and kissed him. 

Astarion let out a low, surprised noise that made her wish to instantly spirit them both away to privacy, then slipped his hand into her hair and pulled her mouth properly against his. The kiss wasn’t long, but it was uncharacteristically tender, and when it was over he let out a little sigh that nearly took her to pieces. Against her mouth, he said, “You really are filthy, you know.” 

“And you’re impossible. Alahonder Hhune, really?”

He sat back, looking immensely self-satisfied. ”What can I say, darling? Had you felt a little less altruistic today, I would have been a little less alone, and a little less alluring to unhappily married second-rate oligarchs.”

”You could always—“ she began, but the memory of exactly why he couldn’t follow her to these daytime excursions flung itself hard against her, and she swallowed the rest of the sentence like glass. “Look less beautiful,” she said lamely instead.

Astarion smirked. “My poor little love. Jealous, are we?”

”Yes,” Tav said, defiant now, and she kissed him again. “Don’t leave me for a Hhune.”

”Certainly not. I’ll hold out for at least a Linnacker.”

”Hm. You could do even better.”

Irritation sparked briefly across Astarion’s face. ”I don’t want better,” he said, sharp enough the tiefling behind the bar glanced over at them. “I know you can be painfully dense, my dear, but let’s not pretend you’re amnesiac, too.” 

How stupid, that the more acidic he became the more her heart puddled in her chest. “Fine,” she said, leaning into him, and he wrapped his arm around her once more. “Let’s see it, then.”

Astarion laughed. He flicked out his wrist, then held up an earring: a polished amber pendant wrapped in heavy gold wire. He twisted the earring this way and that for her amusement, the room’s lavish candelabra flickering fire through the facets. Then he rippled his fingers in a little wave, and the earring vanished. 

“Very good.” 

Astarion laughed. “How smug you sound.” 

“I take my wins where I can get them,” Tav said, and she splayed her fingers to reveal three of Alahonder Hhune’s rings arrayed between her knuckles. Framed on either side by gold and rubies, the diamond worth half the Wide gleamed like cold fire.

Astarion’s smile widened toothily. There was delight there, she thought, and a certain novel pride; and under all of it that same slow-burning affection, richer than any basket of diamonds. How wonderful to be the reason for that fanged smile; how precious to feel her own proud delight in turn. That she’d failed to recognize the glassy-eyed mask earlier seemed the height of impossibility, especially against such a clear window into his heart. 

“You're wonderful,” she said at last, secreting the jewels back into the pouch at her waist, and she framed his face in both hands. “I’ve a confession to make.” 

“Oh, do tell.”

”I’ve gotten mud on your trousers.”

”Ah—ugh,” he said, with very real disgust, and he pulled her hands from his cheeks to examine the streak she’d left against his knee. “Why do I put up with you? Honestly.”

”Because you love me,” Tav said.

”Because I love you,” he repeated with tremendous longsuffering, and he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed her carefully on the mouth. “I’ll love you more if you bathe and change.” 

“An easy heart to buy. Don’t you have a date later?”

“Yes, though it won’t be with any Hhunes or Linnackers.” His thumb slid to the vein of her throat and pressed there, carefully. “Dinner and a show, I think.” 

Tav laughed. A few of the patrons nearby cast her a glance, but it was swiftly followed by another whisper of her name and an unexpected summary of her recent erstwhile heroics, and then Tav stopped listening because it didn’t matter anyway, because Astarion was smiling at her and Astarion loved her and that was worth any shade of gossip the city could scrounge up. The strings launched into a sprightly minuet, and a new crop of glittering men and women swept onto the floor in a seamless tide.

”I’m glad you’re here, Astarion,” Tav said, meaning it. “I’m glad I’m here with you.” 

Astarion stood, eyes serious, and looked down at her. “I am, as well,” he said at last, and then he shook off the mood like a cat jumping from a bath. “Come on, let’s go. Before this nauseating sentimentality makes me do something I’ll regret.” 

Tav laughed, and when he put his hand to the small of her back she let him guide her towards the stairs. Halfway up the stairs their fingers brushed; he’d gone for the rings at the same moment she’d reached for his pilfered earring. She laughed again; he snorted, and they settled for taking each other’s hands instead.

—

end.

[steviebunny]

Pretty Astute Observations

Coquilles

___

06:00

Will Graham walks through the foyer of Hannibal Lectors home, bags still dark and heavy beneath his eyes. 

“Is it safe to assume you are not sleep walking now?”

“I’m sorry its so early”

“Office hours are for patients. My kitchen is always open to friends… and their partners.”

“Lena?”

“Came to see me just an hour ago, an interesting conversation was had on the topic of evil. Perhaps reaching out to her would be your best course of action. That's why Jack recruited her, is it not?” He says while fiddling with the espresso machine.

“I uh- I don’t know her very well.”

“One could always use more friends.”

“What about you doctor?”

“I’ll have you both…If you’ll have me” The innuendo could almost be unsettling if it wasn’t for Hannibal's air of confidence blanketing the statement. “Onset of adult sleepwalking is less common than in children.”

“Could it be a seizure?” Will asks gratefully accepting a glass from Hannibal.

“I’d argue, good old-fashioned post-traumatic stress. Jack Crawford has gotten your hands very dirty ”

“I wasn’t forced back into the field” 

“I wouldn't say ‘forced’, manipulated is the word I’d choose.”

“I can handle it.”

“Somewhere between denying horrible events, and calling them out lies the truth of psychological trauma.”

“So I can’t handle it.”

“Your experience may have overwhelmed ordinary functions that give you a sense of control.”

“If my body is walking around without my permission, you’d say thats a loss of control?”

“Wouldn’t you?” Hannibal asks, taking a sip of his own coffee. “Sleepwalkers demonstrate a difficulty handling aggression. Are you experiencing difficulty with aggressive feelings?”

“You said Jack sees me as fine china used for special guests. I'm beginning to feel more like an old mug.”

“You entered into a devil's bargain with Jack Crawford. It takes a toll.”

“Jack isn't the devil.”

“When it comes to how far he's willing to push you to get what he wants, he's certainly no Saint.”

—-

08:50

“You know, Hannibal seems to think we should be friends.” The statement shocked Lena, of all the things she expected Will Graham to say at a motel crime scene that was not one of them.

“Does he really, and what makes you think I’d like to be your friend?” 

“....I have dogs?”

“Are you asking me, or telling me?”

“Telling.” 

“Good. I love dogs, and now that we have that settled. Room was registered to a John Smith, big surprise there “

“An appalling failure of imagination.”

“They paid cash. There are no security cameras on the premises... another big surprise.”

“John Smith one of the victims?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, according to the register. They were mutilated and displayed. Jack and Zeller think it’s the Ripper but there were no surgical trophies taken, and the Ripper doesn’t exactly profile like the type of man who would vomit at his own crime scene”

“How can you be sure it wasn’t one of the victims?”

“They were strung up antemortem, and the sick was on the bedside table, once you see their positioning you’ll get why thats improbable.”

“Should I brace myself?”

“Definitely. It's not good in there.”

—

“Hooks were bored into the ceiling. A fishing line was used to hold up the bodies and... the wings. At least we know he's a fisherman.”

“Or a Viking.” Zeller chimed in.

“Vikings do this?

“Vikings used to execute Christians by breaking their ribs, bending them back, and draping the lungs over them to resemble wings. They used to call it a "blood eagle." Pagans mocking the Godfearing.” Lena laughed at Zeller’s ‘fun fact’. He raised a brow in her direction at the gesture prompting her to reply.

“Well you can’t say the Christians didn’t deserve it, they bullied their way into a foreign land, tried to murder those who wouldn’t give up their beliefs in the name of the church then moved their ‘savior’s’ birthday from spring to winter so that they could take over the pagan holiday of Yule for themselves. And pagans were also ‘god-fearing’ just not in a monotheistic sense”

“How do you know all that?”

“When I was with the BAU, the resident boy genius was going on a theology kick for a good few months. Each ride on the jet was at least a couple hours…I picked up some things.”

Zeller admonishes the idea and goes back to impatiently swab collecting with Beverly, She and Price laugh under their breath at the man’s childish behavior.

“No, he isn't mocking them. The unsub thinks he’s…transforming them. Elevating them in some way. 

I need a plastic sheet for the bed.”

—-

This is not who you are. 

This is my gift to you. 

I allow you to become angels. 

And now, I lay me down to sleep.

—

"Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws."

“Robert Frost.”

“Jim Morrison.”

“Even a drunk with a flair for the dramatic can convince himself he's God. Or the lizard king.”

“God makes angels. Jesus was fond of fishermen.”

“Are we talking hardcore Judeo-Christian upsetting, or just upsetting in general?”

“This is a very specific upsetting.”

“Increased serotonin in the wounds is much higher than the free histamines, so, uh, she lived for about 15 minutes after she was skinned.” Zeller announced.

“Powder residue on the neck of the soda bottle shows Vecuronium... scotch and soda and a paralytic agent.”

“Kneeling in supplication at the feet of g-dash-d.”

“Supplication is the most common form of prayer.Gimme, gimme, gimme.”

“They weren't praying to him. They were praying for him. He's afraid.”

“What is somebody who could do something like this afraid of?”

“What's in his vomit?”

“Uh, Dexamethasone...That's used for patients with tumors.”

“Kepra... He's epileptic. Radiation?”

“Gamma four, Steroids for the inflammation, anticonvulsants for the seizures, radiation for the chemotherapy.”

“Our guy has a brain tumor.”

“He's afraid of dying in his sleep.  He's making angels to watch over him.”

—-

An eclectically dressed woman, speed walks in her high-heeled shoes down the halls of the FBI looking for her target. Penelope Garcia won tickets to the most exclusive karaoke bar in Virginia (okay maybe she rigged the competition a little, who has to know?) and she’ll be damned if any member of her precious found family denies her invitation. The moment she spots Lena she grabs the woman’s arm pulling her into the commissary.

“You owe me.”

“What-” 

“Technically I’m not supposed to be helping out your team, and- and well you owe me, so you can’t say no to me!”

“Penny, what are you talking about?”

“This weekend, karaoke, you, me, BAU.”

“I’m on a case right now, sweetie. If Crawford doesn’t have us in the field I’ll be there.”

“Oh, you’ll be there alright. I’ll make sure of it!” The grin on Penelope’s face is contagious even as she rushes back off to her fortress of solitude.

—-

12:00

“There is no one and only spiritual center of the brain”

“Any idea of God comes from many different areas of the mind working together in unison.”

“Maybe I was wrong.”  Being wrong in this case seems like an unnatural event no matter how true or untrue it may be.

“How do you profile someone who has an anomaly in their head changing the way they think?”

“A tumor can definitely affect brain function, even cause vivid hallucinations. However, what appears to be driving your angel maker to create heaven on earth is a simple issue of mortality. Can't beat God, become him?”

“You said he was afraid.”

“He feels abandoned.”

“Ever feel abandoned, Will?”

“Less and less each day, if you and Jack keep encouraging me to make friends, either way, abandonment requires expectation.”

“What were your expectations of Jack Crawford and the FBI?”

“Jack hasn't abandoned me…I didn't expect to be working so closely with others…Lena wants to meet my dogs or rather insinuates she wants to meet my dogs. Definitely didn't expect that.” 

“Perhaps Jack hasn't abandoned you in a discernable way.”

“Perhaps in the way gods abandon their creations.”

“Is Jack God to you?”

“No more than you are.” If Will had looked at Hannibal's face he might have just seen a smile.

“You say he hasn't abandoned you, but at the same time you find yourself wandering around Wolf Trap in the middle of the night.”

“Well... This should be interesting…Please, doctor, proceed.”

“Jack gave you his word he would protect your headspace, yet he leaves you to your mental devices”

“Are you trying to alienate me from Jack Crawford?”

“I'm trying to help you set proper boundaries between employee and employer…I am also trying to help you understand this angel maker you seek. Well, help me understand how to catch him. If he were a classic paranoid schizophrenic, you might be able to influence him to become visible. What, scare him out into the daylight?”

“Might even get him to hurt himself, if he hasn't already. If he were self destructive, he-he..he wouldn't be so careful.”

“Unless he's careful about being self-destructive, making angels to pray over him when he sleeps.”

“Sleep is sacred, and who prays over us when we sleep?”

---

19:00

“Why angels?”

“Well, it isn't biblical. His angels have wings.”

“Um, angels in sculptures and paintings can fly, but not in scripture.”

“Technically not…if we're accounting for the angels that amass as giant winged amalgamations of eyeballs one would assume they could fly too?” Lena now always being a foot behind him is a fact he'll need to get used to at scenes.

“He's drawing from secular sources?”

“His mind has turned against him and there's no one there to help.”

“Uh, Jack... look at this.”

Are those… What are those?”

“Somebody got an orchiectomy real cheap.”

“Doesn't look like the victim.”

“So they're the angel maker's?”

Lena might just need to stop threatening to castrate men who frustrate her now, something about actually seeing the after-effects is more than unsettling.

“He castrated himself?”

“So he isn't just making angels; He's getting ready to become one. Angels don't have genitalia.”

“So he was afraid of dying. Now he's, what, getting used to the idea?”

“He's accepting it or he's bargaining. Heh, bargaining chips!”

“So, does this mean that he's done making angels, or is he just getting started?”

“I don't know.”

“Well, he's not just killing them when he's sleepy. I mean, how is he choosing them?”

“I don't know. Ask him.” Will begins to sweat almost profusely, removing his glasses and wiping his brow.

“I'm asking you.”

“You're the head of the behavioral science unit, Jack. Why don't you come up with your own answers if you don't like mine!?” Will’s voice raises in frustration. Crawford's face begins to morph into a threatening scowl.

“I did not hear that! Did I?!” he screams back at Will. Lena steps forward separating the two men.

“Jack I think its time for you to take a step back.”

“Do NOT get involved Gibbs”

“You brought me in to get involved! He’s obviously overwhelmed and looks like he’s on the verge of passing out, pushing your team won’t get you shit.”

“I know how far I can push my own team”

“Graham isn't officially on the team, you made that clear, and I’m telling you he’s done with the psycho-predicting today”

“I don’t need to be protected, I can see the rest of the scene,” Will says with a dejected rasp.

“I didn’t say we’re leaving, just to stop getting into the Angel Maker's head. I’m sure Dr. Lecter would agree with me if he’d seen that interaction.”

Jack's face screws back up and he storms away from Will and Lena. Beverly then approaches with a friendly smile and a gentle hand on Will’s shoulder. “My ears rang like the first time I heard my mom use the f-word. Are you ok?’ (he chuckles) ‘I know it's a stupid question considering that none of us could possibly be ok doing what we do, but… are you ok?”

“Do I seem different?”

“You're a little different, but you've always been a little different.”

“Brilliant strategy… that way no one ever knows if something's up with you.”

“Maybe not anymore, you’ve got a guard dog now.” Bev smiles and nods at Lena, then leads the two behind her further into the scene.

—-

19:20

“Meet Roger and Marilyn Brunner. You might recognize them from such lists as most wanted.”

“He likes to rape and murder, she likes to watch.”

“We got a DNA match. They falsified the motel registry and were driving a stolen car, so it took a second to identify them.”

“I wonder how long it took Angel Maker to identify them.”

“He didn't choose them randomly. He knows something about them.”

“He sees something we don’t.” It gets harder to not think of Sherlock, why the hell is Virgina so full of artistic and metaphorically motivated criminals?

“The murdered security guard wasn't actually a security guard. He was a convicted felon.”

“Could Angel Maker be a vigilante?”

“Well, vigilantes are pragmatic, they're purposeful; They don't lay down and sleep under their crimes.”

“In his mind, he was doing God's work. That spells vigilante.” Feels eerily similar to a certain terrorist too.

“Well, playing at God has other advantages. One of them…Is always being alone. So he makes angels out of demons.”

“How does he know they're demons?”

“He doesn't have to know. All he has to do is believe.

—

22:00

Will escorts Lena to a joint session with Hannibal practically the second after the both of them had been dismissed from duty for the evening.

“It's difficult to lie still and fear going to sleep.”

“What is there to think about?”

“You listen to your breathing in the dark and the tiny clicks of your blinking eyes.”

“I dream more now than I used to.”

“Well, your dreams were the one place you could be physically safe, relinquishing control. Not anymore.”

“Yeah, I thought about zipping myself up into a sleeping bag before I go to sleep, but it, heh, sounds like a poor man's straight jacket.”

“I’ve always found another body to be helpful…Sherlock would drape himself over me like a blanket when we slept. Bit hard to thrash during a nightmare if you’re simultaneously being squished.”

“Are you offering yourself to Will as a duvet, Lena?”

She laughs dismissively “We don’t know each other that well yet, Lecter. I’m sure at least one of your dogs is large enough to keep Graham still.” 

Will grimaces and huffs, “The dogs don’t sleep in my bed, I sweat sort of profusely…so even if they start there they’ll move off during the night at some point.”

“Well, then I guess I’m getting you an expensive sleeping bag for Christmas.” Will can’t actually tell whether she means that sarcastically or not, he looks to Dr. Lecter prompting the psychiatrist's next question.

“Have you two determined how this angel maker is choosing his victims?”

“Our killer, Well, he doesn't see people how everyone else sees them. He can tell if you're naughty or nice, or he thinks he can.”

“So God has given this person insight into the souls of men.”

“God didn't give him insight; God gave him a tumor.”

“God… rapidly dividing cells that keep trucking along. Seems so human, what deity would work so hard?”

“He's just a man whose brain is playing tricks on him.”

“You are not unlike this killer.”

“My brain is playing tricks on me?”

“You want to feel such sweet and easy peace. The angel maker wants that same peace .He hopes to feel his way cautiously inside and then find it's endless, all around him.”

“He's gonna be disappointed.”

“You accept the impossibility of such a feeling, whereas the angel maker is still chasing it.”

“I don’t think peace is impossible, I think the point of life is just striving for it, having it for a short amount of time. Then chaos ensues again. Balance, good and bad, Evil and righteousness. Peace and terror.”

“ And what or your life Lena has it been balanced between this sense of peace and terror?”

“More terror than peace, lately. But I think the scales are starting to level again.”

“If the Angel Maker got close to peace, that's why he will look for it again. I've tried to reconstruct his thinking and find his patterns.”

“Instead you find yourself in a behavior pattern you can't break. You realize you have a choice.”

“What is it?”

“Angel Maker will be destroyed by what's happening inside his head; You don't have to be.”

“That would require him telling Jack to screw off and stop pushing him,” Lena says as Hannibal stands from his place at his desk.

“Do you feel that Jack Crawford has bad intentions when it comes to dear Will?” 

“I’ve known Jack a long time. We’ve always had an antagonistic relationship, we first met through his wife when I was young. She helped my father on a case…he was not thrilled, I’ve never known why. He then tried to poach me back when I was with the BAU, but he chose to wait until our unit chief was going through difficulty…I suspect he might have even had a hand in convincing Director Strauss of her ‘motivations’. I didn’t want to be manipulated so I left. Went to Scotland Yard, and well… you know the rest, terror struck, Crawford sunk his claws in and here I am. The least I could do in my task to help Will is make Jack's life a little more annoying don't you think?”

Both men seemed to take in Lena’s perspective though whether her opinions on Crawford landed with Will is unknown. Hannibal seemed a bit more accepting. Nodding as he leaned into Will, sniffing the detective.

“Did you just smell me?”

“Difficult to avoid. I really must introduce you to a finer aftershave. That smells like something with a ship on the bottle.”

“Well, I keep getting it for Christmas.”

“Have your headaches been any worse lately? More frequent?”

“Yes, actually.” 

“ I'd change the aftershave.”

—-

07:00

“Elliot Budish: 35-year-old truck driver.”

“He's got a fishing license too. Uh, match came from the national cancer database.”

“Married, two kids… they haven't seen him in four months.”

“He was diagnosed five months ago.”

“Meet the angel maker.”

—-

“This'll be the last one.”

“It's Budish?”

“He made himself into an angel.”

“It wasn't God, it wasn't man. It was his choice to die.”

“His choice?”

“As much as he can make it.”

“I don't know how much longer I can be all that useful to you, Jack.”

“Really? You caught three. The last three we had, you caught. You caught three of them.”

“No, I didn't catch this one. Elliot Budish… surrendered.”

“You know, I'm used to my wife not talking to me. I don't have to get used to you not talking to me too.”

“No one wants to know your relationship issues Jack.” That earns Lena a glare, and if it was anyone else probably the uptick of a certain favorite finger.

“It's getting harder and harder to make myself look.”

“Well, nobody's asking you to look alone.” He says, angling a hand to the red-head.

“All due respect I am looking alone.”

“None taken, I’ve kinda made a career of playing sidekick.”

“You wanna go back to your lecture hall? Read about this stuff on tattlecrime.com?”

“Would you let him?” Lena says at the same moment Will announces “No, I don't…But that may be what I have to do. This is bad for me.”

“You go back to your classroom. When there's k*lling going on that you could've prevented, it will sour your classroom forever.”

“Maybe. And then maybe I'll find a job as a diesel mechanic in a boatyard.”

“You wanna quit? Quit.”

—

Entree (part 1)

“In the night. In the dark. Journey’s end and yet lover’s meeting.”

[gyubaseone]

solace ; a ricky smau. ‹𝟹 ✉️

000. prologue: the first look

reaching his hand out towards the rain, ricky felt the droplets of water fall onto his palm. soon enough, his whole hand was wet due to the heaviness of the rain.

he had just spent the past few hours sitting in the library, trying his best to cram in all the knowledge he could fit into his brain. he was already one of the top students, so why? his parents are why.

ever since he was conceived, they painted this picture where their son would be a child prodigy who would take over their company once the time had come. it wouldn't be so bad, if it didn't come with all the added pressure as well.

so just to be prepared for the upcoming exams, ricky decided to take time afterschool and write math notes until his hand was red. maybe that wasn't the best idea though, because now his hand was sore and limp.

just to add to all that pain, he was now stuck at school with no way home in the heavy rainfall.

ricky was seriously contemplating calling gyuvin to pick him up but he had been held back for practice since he had been sick the previous week with a cold. his parents were currently in china for business, so there was no use in calling them.

just as he was about to make a run for it, ricky felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to his right to see the vice president of shs, sung y/n.

"sorry if i startled you," y/n spoke softly, seeing as ricky's eyes shifted once she tapped him on the shoulder. "i just saw you standing here for a while, what are you doing here so late?"

"i was studying in the library," ricky answered with caution due to not knowing y/n that well. but in the effort of making conversation, he asked, "what about you?"

"i had a late student council meeting, i had to cover for gunwook since he wasn't available today," y/n replied, letting out a sigh, "we were trying to figure out where to put the funds from last week's fundraiser."

"i'm probably boring you with that stuff anyways.. you've been standing here for a while," y/n changed the topic, "waiting for someone?"

"no it's just.. i have no way home," ricky admitted, slightly embarrassed, his hand falling on the back of his neck. "i forgot to bring an umbrella too."

"oh, you can have mine," y/n reached into her backpack, putting the umbrella in front of ricky for him to take.

"don't you need it too?" ricky questioned.

"no, it's fine! i live nearby anyways," y/n gently took ricky's hand and wrapped it around the umbrella so he would be forced to take it.

"there's a bus stop a few minutes away. if you run, you'll make it in time for the bus," y/n informed, pointing in the direction of the bus stop.

"..thank you.." ricky muttered, his heart fluttering at the sudden contact between the two.

he watched as y/n smiled at him, zipping up her backpack before putting it over her head. "i'll see you monday then, quanrui," she gave him one last smile before starting to run down the steps.

as she reached the school gate, y/n looked back and waved at ricky before starting to run again so she wouldn't be fully soaked.

it was just a kind gesture from the vice president, so, why was his heart suddenly beating so rapidly? why did his cheeks feel warmer? why was there a sudden urge in him that wanted to see that smile again?

before his thoughts started to take over, ricky flicked his forehead slightly so that it wouldn't leave a mark before starting to walk to the nearest bus station.

the first look changes everything.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ synopsis | ricky had never gotten the real chance of falling in love. it was the most perfect unperfect time for love yet ; he just never felt that spark with anyone nor did he have the chance to. that was until one rainy day when ricky stood at the school entrance with no way home. the moment he laid his eyes on y/n, things changed.

masterlist | next

author's note : hii everyone :3 im sorry this was kinds bland but it was just a prologue anyways ! i was planning to post on monday but i decided to post today since its my bday :P i plan on posting every mon, weds, and fri (hopefully) 💧 also there might be mistakes i read this like 10x though.. BYEEE <3

comment to be tagged ! bolded cant be tagged.

@lvieee @rickyvinn @ahnneyong @annoyingbitch83 @khaelscafe @jiaant11 @rainbows-dreams @p-romise9 @lovefooi @lluvjjun @lumixen @livelaughlovelicky @omgtintarr @sunoosluvr @aerivrs @njmluvr @igotkpoops @tzuberry @alwayswook @big-uwu-stan @beomstarz @wonluvrbot @gyuvinfan @ohwonzz @sleepymoon27 @soomelon @pheebswrld @dimplewonie @countmekocho @sparklingsjy @wonnotes @wtfhyuck @kpoprhia @ilovechanhee @hanjisbeloved @hannahbahng @xxpr3ttyk173rxx @wonyoungsvirus @eternallyhyucks @4hanbin @tlnyjoong @yuma-is-mine @star4rin @gh0st-spider @shenrickyistheloml @toe-eater2891 @viviixoxosblog @sparkcling @kaynunu @rikimylove @xiaoquanquans @lolos-hoes @hiefisch @sleepingisweak @astrae4 @istphanie @augaws

[det-loki]

nsfw alphabet for bill!! 🫶🏻

a/n: am I the first time write for bill? either way, I'm honored. I'm a veteran reader of smut but not at writing it. so, proceed with caution. nonetheless, I hope you enjoy! (this is written with a gender neutral reader in mind, but some aspects are feminine leaning)

A = (aftercare)

Bill is the best at aftercare. will clean you up without batting an eye, get you a drink/snack if you want it, all the cuddles. so tender

B = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner)

on himself, it's his hands. they're steady, strong and capable. and he knows you love them too, which adds to his own love. he'll run his fingers up and down your arm in small patterns, hold your face when you kiss. how they feel inside you, long and thick, hitting every spot that makes you see stars. or how they look cupping and grabbing your breasts.

his favorite body part on you is your thighs. how they look when you straddle him, how secure and soft. his rough hands sliding up and down the soft skin of your thighs is heaven

C = cum (anything to do with cum basically...I'm a disgusting person)

It's not so much as to where will he come, he doesn't care, whatever you want. But it's what he won't do, he will not cum on your face. he doesn't like how degrading it feels. but he secretly very much loves to watch it drip out of you, pushing it back in with his fingers. it can't go to waste.

(use protection! be safe!)

D = dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

bill is a selfish man. sometimes. he gets off on your orgasms, seeing you cum over and over because of him. he likes that he get bring you to those heights and that you trust him enough to let go like that. he challenges himself to see how many times he can make you cum in a row

also. he likes to be choked. he likes giving you that power, feeling smaller as your hands wrap around his throat.

E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

well versed. knows what he likes, knows what he doesn't. he hasn't had a ton of partners but knows enough, and what he doesn't, he learns quickly. very observant on what makes you tick

F = favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary. boring for some, but for bill, nothing beats it. loves being pressed against you, chest to chest as his strong arms cage you in, your nails scraping down his back.

G = goofy (are they more serious in the moment or are they more humorous, etc)

he has absolutely no problem keeping the moment light, fun and airy. so much of his life is clouded in serious gray and he wants your intimate life to be carefree and easy. he'll call out your eagerness with a laugh, poke fun at the blush across your cheeks as he makes you cum again and again

H = hair (how well groomed are they)

we've all seen his hair, and as president of Bill's mullet club, he keeps it neat and tidy but don't expect anything spectacular. hair on the body is natural, he maintains it, no more thought than that.

I = intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

so attetentive, sweet, caring and passionate. serious yet goofy, delicate always. holds you like you're fine china, looks at you like you're the only person in the world. he holds your hand, grabs at your thighs and breasts, clutches your face as he kisses you breathless

J = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

not really. when he was younger, yes. but now he doesn't feel like he needs to or really wants to. for him intimacy exists in a thousand ways, not just sex. and it's all for you. he'd wait for you forever.

K = kink (one or more of their kinks)

pleasure dom. doesn't exactly fall into dom/sub for him but gets off on giving you pleasure. he'll having you coming over and over while he whispers words of encouragement in your ear, his steady hands holding your trembling one's. and, if you wanted to let go and go into a submissive scene, he'd be honored. giving you the space to feel that comfortable and free is another layer of pleasure for him, so he's all about it.

L= location (favorite places to do the deed)

typically you two are on the road, or it at least it seems that way. motel rooms aren't exactly the ideal place but he's there and you're there. there's a bed. it's safe. he's also not against doing it in the car he stole from his uncle. as long as you both are comfortable, it doesn't really matter a whole lot to him.

M = motivation (what turns them on, what gets them going)

he loves seeing you so comfortable and relaxed around him. how your body is just your body and not something you feel needs to be a certain way to impress him or anyone else. and the same for him, he feels so open and comfortable with you, no expectations. you just exist with one another. letting go with one another gets him going the most, being free

N = NO (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

he is not into degradation. will not hit or choke you. even if it was something you were into, it's a boundary he won't cross. he understands and respects you and what you like and would never look down on your for it, but it's not his thing. he's seen so much violence and he spends so much time distancing himself from it that he just couldn't do it.

O = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he will spend hours between your legs if you let him. he's messy, enthusiastic and nasty with it. a god, in more ways than one

honestly is pretty neutral on receiving. he's into it if you want to but doesn't really care at that much. he's a giver.

P = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

steady, deep hard thrusts. movement with a purpose, the purpose solely to make you feel good.

Q = quickie (their opinion on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc)

Not into quickies. he wants to take his time with you. take you apart in more ways than one, watch you fall apart because of him. bask in his pleasure and yours. so much against quickies that he will go on rants about them, how they are disrespectful and useless. you just let him ramble, you like the glimmer in his eye. and you know that this rambling passion will turn into him with his lips on your neck as his hands trail down your skin, just to prove his point that taking your time is better. even if it drives you crazy with the way he teases

R = risk (are they game to experiment, do they take risks?)

is down to experiment if you are, not exactly a risk taker but is bold in his dirty talk. his words alone could make you fall apart and he knows it

S = stamina (how many rounds can they go for, how long?)

multiple rounds, breaks in between. and sometimes the in between is his favorite, everything is fuzzy and hazy and warm. and then he's on you again, ready to go

T = toy (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or on themselves?)

doesn't own toys himself but absolutely not against him. they're aids, not enemies. wicked with a vibrator, loves holding it agaisnt you until you're whining that it's too much, clutching at him as he laughs and let's you breathe until he's pushing back into you, vibrator forgotten.

U = unfair (how much they like to tease)

a pro at teasing. it drives you insane, in and out of the bedroom. whispered promises in your ear, a hand trailing further up your thigh as he drives, dragging out your orgasms all through the night.

V = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)

as previously mentioned, dirty mouth. but he moans so deep and pretty. you know he's far gone when he stops talking and is just moaning, whining and groaning beneath you. so vocal.

W = wildcard

loves sex in the bathtub. starts innocent, 'we're saving water' or 'I'm just helping you shower/wash your hair' and then his hands drop lower, he's looking at you with that looks in his eye, breathing heavier until you're holding onto the tub for dear life as he works you to the edge

X = x-ray

a decent 7 inches, lean and long

Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he isn't insatiable, nor is it the only thing on his mind. but he lives and breathes for you. any chance he can show you his devotion to your pleasure and his, he will.

Z = ZZZ

he falls asleep before you do but aftercare first. refuses to do anything until he knows you're comfortable and taken care of. only then will he fall asleep. the weight of you on his chest lulls him to sleep, while you linger awake, tracing patterns on his skin

[soongyeopsal]

Hi! Idk if I'm doing this correctly but can I request a fluffy/humor sfw scenario where wonwoo/scoups (I couldn't decide which member but you can choose whichever you prefer) accidentally hurts their gf while play fighting. Nothing angsty or done on purpose. Feel free to ignore this tho lol

▸ Pairing: Seungcheol x F!reader

▸ Rating / Genre / AU: 13+ / fluff, humor / established relationship

If you are a minor AND/OR if your account has no age in the bio, you will be blocked upon interacting (liking/reblogging) with this post. (Yes, even though this is sfw.)

▸ Warnings: none

▸ Word Count: 581

▸ A/N: Don't worry, you did it right! This idea is so stinking cute!! Thank you for requesting it, hope you enjoy! Kisses as usual for world's best beta @shuadotcom <3

Not everyone appreciates rainy nights, but you do. The soft, white noise of the shower outside and the smell of wet earth wafting through the cracked window never fail to put you in a good mood. You and Seungcheol are cozied up under a blanket on the couch, a bargain bin movie watching you more than you’re both watching it. While your boyfriend is on his phone, sleep is dangerously close to pulling your eyelids closed for the night. The sweet embrace of sleep is yanked from you when his fingers skate over the sole of your foot, making you shriek and jump at the sudden contact.

Seungcheol’s laugh pulls at your heartstrings even when it’s laced with deviousness. “You’re not falling asleep on me again! Wake up!”

You draw your knees to your chest, throwing the blanket off of you so he can’t sneak another tickle. “Sorry! This movie’s just boring.”

“Boring? You picked it.” Seungcheol closes the distance between the two of you on the couch again, placing a hand on the back cushion so he can bring his face close to yours. “Your movie, you watch it.”

“And if I say ‘no’?” you ask, puffing up your chest in defiance.

“Well if you say ‘no’, I’ll just have to…” Seungcheol’s eyes scan your body, looking for an opening. He doesn’t finish his sentence when he finds it, instead lunging on top of you so he can tickle the exposed skin on your neck. 

You screech again, wriggling under your boyfriend’s weight and giggling madly as his fingers dance across your skin. The only thing that stops Seungcheol’s assault is a conspicuously loud clap of thunder – and the crack of your foreheads slamming together. You both recoil immediately, hissing and groaning as you cradle your heads in your hands gingerly. Seungcheol nurses his wound only for a moment, springing into action when he squints and sees you’re in pain too. 

“Baby,” he coos, scooting back over to you, “I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

Even now, you’re snickering, taken by just how much joy can come from the most childish moments if they’re happening with Seungcheol. You try to waive him off, saying you’re fine, but your ever-attentive partner won’t have it. 

Seungcheol bats your hands away, his own coming up to hold your head like it’s fine china. “Ssh, lemme see.” You sit still as he inspects your forehead for bruising, knowing all too well that it’s easier just to let him fuss than convince him that you’re uninjured. When he seems satisfied, he sits back to inspect you in full. 

You grin back at him, appreciative of his concern even though it’s overblown the majority of the time. “Cheol, I’m not going to keel over. Really.”  You reach to hold his hand, but Seungcheol has other plans, yanking you forward and then forcing you to turn around so he can spoon you sitting up. Seungcheol wraps his arms around your torso, squeezing tight before leaning over to burrito you both in the blanket once again. 

Once your back is settled against his chest and your chuckles subside, Seungcheol peppers you with kisses, sumptuous lips pressing into your shoulders, the back of your neck, the side of your head – whatever he can reach. 

“Sorry, baby,” he says again. “Love you so much.”

You twist around the best you can to smile at Seungcheol and the sparkle in his eye that’s reserved just for you. “Love you too, darling.”

[amadeoapologist]

i also think armand fundamentally does not know how to make people happy because he himself is unhappy. i was talking with my friend about louis and how louis still uses human markers of wealth and success that lestat and claudia and armand don't understand. louis wants to own things, he wants to invest in profitable endeavors. i don't think he wants to laze about in his wealth, but he wants to work hard and have it pay off and he wants to see the tangible products of his efforts.

and i'm bringing this up in relation to armand because i think this mindset explains some of the disconnect in dubai, beyond just the circumstances with lestat that got them there. because louis feels lobotomized to me in his cold modern penthouse where he's disconnected from his food, he's disconnected from other vampires, he doesn't work. he buys and sells artwork he appears to have only a passing interest in, he's tempered his accent. he sleeps in a bed and not a coffin, he eats at the table.

and i've been trying to wrap my head around that and how he ended up there, but i'm starting to think a lot of that is armand trying to give louis what he thinks louis wants to feel satiated. louis wants independence and nice things and obvious markers of wealth. so. have this penthouse with the most coldly, impersonally stylish decor. acquire this expensive artwork and then sell it so you can buy something more expensive. if you won't hunt, then here--dine on fine china.

i'm not saying armand holds all the money or anything, we don't know their finances. but i could see him continuously providing louis with expensive things in the hopes that will satisfy louis' desire to feel successful (and also because he has a metric fuckton to make up for and this is one way he tries), but it doesn't because what is louis doing to earn it? money makes money and it seems like louis doesn't have to do anything any more but coast, which is, as armand fears, boring. but idk if he knows how to address that because armand doesn't understand louis' perspective in the first place.

i think i love and empathize with armand so much because he's the one character on the show who feels, at his core, like he isn't good enough. i don't think this is as much a struggle for louis or lestat or claudia, but i think it is for armand. armand is pathetic. he's morally void, and he's too damn weak to grow a fucking backbone and stand by his choices without couching them in lies, because he can't accept being perceived as someone who would make those decisions. he wants affection. he craves approval.

(lmao old school a/n here--i wrote most of this before the finale and damn......i was spot on re: armand couching choices in lies lolololol)

people keep making posts about how armand seems a bit too invested in daniel's opinion of him. and obviously there's an armandiel bent to those, but i also think it's because daniel is the most objective person in the room. he isn't objective because he's tangled up in their story, too, but he's outside of the partnership. he's a journalist. he's an archivist of some version of the truth. and i think he wants daniel to see him how he wants to be seen. he didn't want daniel to think he was boring in san francisco, and he doesn't want daniel to think he's boring now decades later. he wants the external validation from someone outside of his unit to tell him he did the best he could. which obviously daniel won't do, which makes armand want it more.

there's a very good chance i'm completely wrong and talking out my ass and just a pathetic armand apologist myself, but idk. every episode makes me more curious about him. i started season 2 really disinterested in armand and lowkey put off by his presence. but the season has shifted things for me slowly but surely, and now i think armand is one of the most interesting characters on the show. and that makes me love him even more.

[sanityshorror]

Introducing...Sullivan Sweeney !

Sullivan Sweeney is a character from The Hellcrew Project and the newest to be officially released as of June 2024.

[Proper ref art coming soon]

Click read more for info!

Basic Character information

Full Name:

Western Name: Sullivan Feng Sweeney

Chinese Name: 鄭勁風 [traditional Chinese characters]; Zheng Jingfeng [Anglicized]

Alias(s) & Nickname(s):

The Wigmaker

The Hairdresser from Hell

Sulli

Feng/Fēng

Species:

Current: Demon [incubus]

Former: Human

Age:

21 (locked)

152 (true age)

Birth Date:

January 29th, 1872

Gender:

Nonbinary; masc-fem fluid

Pronouns:

They/Them/He (strongly prefers they/them, however)

Sexual Orientation:

Bisexual

Height:

6’3” (barefooted)

6’4½” (in boots)

Weight:

175lbs

Hair:

Dyed/Colored: Dark vibrant blue with bright purple highlights

Natural: black

Eyes:

Current/Demon: bright yellow iris; white pupils

Former/human: golden-brown

Body Type:

Healthy/Average

Lean and fit but not all that muscular

Ethnicity:

Irish-American (father's side)

Chinese (mother's side)

Place of Birth:

Luoyang (洛阳市) in Henan (河南) Province, China

Luoyang was known as Henanfu (河南府) in 1872

Current Residence:

Boston, Massachusetts

Appearance:

Tall, slender but healthy. Dresses in a punk-goth style but wears bright colors.

Notable Features:

Yellow iris and white pupils

Long black claws

Bright blue-purple hair

Always wears white boots (which match their white corset)

Personality:

Feisty

Sarcastic

Thinks highly of themselves

Intelligent

Seems very quiet at times due to selective mutism

Hard worker

Easily annoyed

Calm but quick to fly into a rage without warning

Scheming

S tier troll; pretty funny; good sense of humor

Easily bored

Very bossy

Likes:

Doing hair

Reading

Art

Fussing over Octavian

Shopping

Make up

Music

When others listen to them

Food.

Pissing off Lucien for shits and giggles.

Spa pamper time with Sera and Duvessa

Helping Seamus and Julius with ‘work’

“Making wigs”

Dislikes:

Being pestered

Questioning they feel are “stupid”

Their human life and their death being brought up

Killian, not a fan of Julius either, but they are more tolerant towards Julius.

Interruptions

“Uncooperative customers”

Kids (they kind them annoying but they don't hate them)

Being fetishized(they'll cut you)

Family Members:

Father (deceased)

Mother (deceased)

Siblings (deceased)

Relationship Status:

Taken, in a relationship with Octavian Doherty

Friendships/Allies:

The Hellcrew

Enemies:

The entire ass world

Crimes/Criminal History:

Yes.

Classification of Murderer:

Sadistic serial killer

Method of Murder:

Yes.

Motivation:

Art, beauty, turn on

Kill Count:

Unknown

Strengths:

Inhuman strength

Immortal

Can read minds

Can control people's thoughts

Weaknesses:

Their boots are chains to hell and they can never go further than a 10 mile radius of the pocket dimension

Catchphrase:

“Now, watch what I do next!”

Other Notable Quotes:

“Wouldn't you like to know?”

“Shut the fuck up, Westerner!”

“You need to log out of life.”

Theme song:

Coma White by Marilyn Manson

Backstory:

(will be added soon I'm rushing this out sorry)

Additional Information:

(Coming soon)

Fun Facts:

(Coming soon)

Want to know more? Ask me on my Tumblr https://SanitysHorror.tumblr.com/ask

Hellcrew Master post: x