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willowaudreykeyes · 4 years ago

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Monster AU Idea that I don’t know what to do with

Literally what the title says. Idk what to do with this, but its in my head and so i need to write it down and share it before my brain explodes. Talk about it or ask about it; whatever you want. As long as I know about it as it is still my idea, go nuts.

@ladyedwina @sparrowofsong

Warning: Does involve murder, being captured, lots of depressed Roman because I’m mean to him for no reason and it makes me sad, gory removal of fingers (not detailed but it is there), suicide mention, me swearing a lot, stabbing(not detailed), hints of Roceit; Intrulogical and qpr Pattmile

Spider Monster Who-Realises-That-His-Race-Sucks Virgil

Born like this. Was raised to be alone but he likes being around others to feel safe, so it makes him a little awkward and even anxious around others.

Hates the rest of his kind because he’s the only one who doesn’t want to eat people. So now they all wanna kill him.

He can retract his extra legs but it leaves small bumps in his back, so he likes to wear his over-sized hoodie to help hide them.

Janus saved him from one of his own kind. Travelled with him and Logan before getting separated by Monster Hunters and running into a lonely wolf-Patton.

Is now Patton’s spider child, despite the fact that said father figure is afraid of spiders. And that Virgil is technically older then him. He does try to look past the ‘too-many-eyes’ and ‘long, hairy legs’ thing; which Virgil appreciates.

The only one of the group that knows how mobiles work and he finds it funny as fuck.

Werewolf Underdog (ha) Patton

Runt of the litter.

Can shift between a humany appearance, an actual grey-brown wolf and a bipedal werewolf. He isn’t the third one often and actually enjoys being a more typical wolf as he can be passed off as a wolf-dog hybrid and has gotten free bones and pets.

Ran away from his pack as they didn’t want him to die but also didn’t want him to get stronger, then raised a bunch of homeless orphans at a young age and also defended them from a trafficking ring by ripping out a bunch of people’s throats.

Yeah... he brought them to an orphanage afterwards as it’s safer then the streets. Then he ran away again; at this point he’s only 15-16.

Lives alone and homeless for a few more years before running into Virgil and immediately adopting him.

Patton helped Virgil find Janus and Logan so now he has more children (who are all older then him but he ignores that).

No one will go hungry EVER with Patton is around. He is the caretaker of this pack and he will not let his pups feel hungry ever-

He’s not over how shitty his pack was to him and it’s very obvious.

When he meets Emile though, it lifts a lot of weight off his shoulders as he learns not to be so all-bearing of others issues. And he also feels safer talking to him about his old pack as he doesn’t want to be pitied by anyone.

Tired-As-Fuck Vampire Logan

Who’s like 600 years old and knows that a lot of History that the modern day tells everyone is wrong and HATES that he’d be found out if he started yelling at people how wrong they are.

Parents wanted him to drop science and be a farmer. They, and his younger siblings, all died when their crops were poisoned two weeks after he moved out to do his science elsewhere.

Oh and he was bit by the person who 1. Was his partner in science and 2. He was head over heels for them because they let him take risks but still made sure he was safe as he did them.

So that pissed him off quite a bit. Because he almost instantly killed the couple who took in the sickly scientist because the wife cut her finger. He managed to kill the cow instead but he ran away afterwards and never saw them again.

Ran into Janus 300 years later -after travelling a LOT and learning a LOT and nearly dying a LOT and feeling so much that he doesn’t wanna feel anymore because that’s 300yrs of friends dying- and decided to travel with the one type of guy who won’t die of old age!!!

Then Virgil appeared. Then Patton. Then the Twins. Then Remy. Then Emile. He wishes that his dead heart would stop making him want to protect them all to his last breath but what can ya do?

He will murder anyone to save the others- but much prefers to just stay inside and just experiment on the occasional new thing that he finds.

Protector. Leader. Professor. Tired. Doctor. Cantor (yes he was Jewish for a little while after the bite but now he’s Atheist). University Chancellor. Lots of titles and he got them all legit too, although some are a little out of date.

Do not ask how he feels about the others. Especially Remus. He will glare at you without a word before moving on with his life.

Naga Will-Steal-You’re-Last-$5 Janus

Age? Social construct. He hints at being around Logan’s age but that could be give or take a hundred years or so.

He can shift between having a tail and legs- but ofc much prefers the tail. But he hates that his teeth change with it as it makes him hold his ‘s’ more when he talks.

When no tail, the left side of his face is very scarred. Someone tried burning off the scales on his face but the scars only appear when he’s trying to look human. When he has his tail, his scales replace them and they look fine.

Do not touch his hands or he will strangle you with them. They’re sensitive as hell without his gloves and he doesn’t know why.

He can hypnotise you to take a fucking break and he’s not afraid to do it (except on Logan as he’s somehow almost entirely immune)

Doesn’t like hypnotising his friends unless its just to take a break or to pull them out of an anxiety/panic attack. Every other living thing isn’t off limits though.

Lived alone until he met Logan. He also liked killing everyone he met until he met Logan. The only reason he didn’t kill Logan was because the nerd almost chopped off the end of his tail. The others don’t know this and it’s staying that way.

Has a cane to walk with for days that his legs decide that they wanna be a tail but he’s in public for some reason and he can’t and it sucks.

Almost killed Remy when they first met. Literally- he stabbed him in the side. Now they’re best buds over it and it was weird how quickly it happened too.

Has stolen Roman’s last $5. He will not be returning it. He hasn’t spent it because he finds him cute funny when he’s mad.

Siren But-Flips-Off-The-Sea-And-Heights Roman

Was born a Prince! With his weirdo of a twin. They were well liked and he was next in line for the throne and he was gonna be given a wife-

He wasn’t happy that it HAD to be a wife and when he argued that he wanted a guy; everyone turned on him and threw him into the ocean. So... fuck them.

Sirens saved him by turning him into one. He hates it.

Was forced to eat kelp or people. He chose kelp. He hated it.

Was dragged out of the sea by his brother who had been thrown into the evil swamp nearby and is now a banshee. Not as bad but he’s still rather pissed.

Although he was a little sad when he heard, 100yrs later, that his entire kingdom died of the plague. He moved on quickly though.

He hates the sea and doesn’t go near it. If it all dried up one day, it’d be the happiest day of his life. He doesn’t even eat seafood anymore as it makes him upset just looking at it.

He still likes to sing. He can control if it’s going to mind-control those who hear it or not; but it’s a little annoying as he can’t get too into it without accidentally losing control. Doesn’t stop him though.

He learnt how to play multiple instruments, made anonymously published books, the money-earner of the two. Although he was jealous that Remus was better at more hands-on stuff and is slowly, but happily, learning how to craft things from wood.

He and Remus never separated. Even when Monster Hunters sprayed him with water, forced his tail to appear, and took him to a facility to be imprisoned forever. That’s another thing he was mad about since Remus refused to just fucking RUN but he was happy to see his brother be proud of him when he dug VERY sharp teeth into a mans arm.

Had to be carried out by Janus when he, Logan, Patton and Virgil decided to free everyone inside. Every other creature could run except him, which led to him and Remus staying with them.

He definitely, 100%, no-doubt-about-it got a massive gay crush on Janus when he taught him how to fight. And sword fight. And dance. And how to look after his rather pretty scales.

In the 200-300yrs since he’s had a tail, he hasn’t ONCE really looked after them. So when Janus helped him out and made his scales less gross and more gorgeous, he actually started liking his tail a bit.

The Ocean can still go fuck itself though.

Oh and the one time they visited the Seattle Space Needle? Yeah, fuck heights too.

Banshee Will-Eat-Your-Fingers-If-Given-The-Chance Remus

After Roman got thrown into the ocean, he went on a rampage. He didn’t kill anyone, but he sure as hell got close to murdering their shitty father.

They tied him up and tossed him into the nearby swamp, where he nearly died. He inhaled days worth of magical fog that eventually turned him into a banshee. Which is just the ability to scream so loud that he makes people pass out, which is useful. Oh and sharp teeth that he looks after really well.

He managed to escape the forest, he screamed at a passing merchant and took his horse, and went to the ocean where he found Roman depressingly eating kelp on a rock off in the distance.

He literally got on a boat, dragged the surprised but happy fish into it with him, and made sure that they would never be separated again.

Didn’t care about what happened to their old kingdom.

He learnt how to make weapons, how to blacksmith, how to glassmith, how to make clothes- Literally anything he could since Roman kind of sucked at making anything that wasn’t music or a story of some kind. Fine by him since he knew the quality of the weapon he was stabbing people with.

When the hunters forcefully made Roman’s tail appear, he tried to scream to make them all pass out but they were ready and punched him out. He would have found it a little funny if he didn’t wake in a jail cell with a thing over his mouth.

The two worst things about it: He couldn’t see Roman and know if he was okay and he couldn’t cuss out the guards.

When that nerdy but very murderous vampire broke in and helped him out of the prison, he returned the favour by biting off the fingers of a guard that had broken Logan’s glasses. He later on fixed said glasses as well but he thought the fingers removal was a better thank you.

Loves Logan; only Roman, Janus and Emile have figured it out. Virgil thinks he’s plotting to kill the vampire one day, Remy doesn’t pay attention and Patton thinks that Logan is a good influence on him (he’s not wrong as he slowly stops describing brutal murders and talks about gross facts that Logan does and doesn’t know)

Remy No-It-Isn’t-Short-For-Remington-Yes-I-Am-A-Dragon-Roman

Born as a shapeshifting dragon. Was supposed to live like a recluse like the rest of his kind but said ‘fuck that’ and now works at a clothing store in a town full of morons for entertainment.

His kind does get tired rather easily so he lives off coffee. He is addicted and luckily for him; his body won’t get used to it so he doesn’t have to heighten the dose of caffeine in every drink. Yay!

Two things happened when he first met Janus and Roman. The first is that he got stabbed by the Naga because he may or may not have seen him wearing some shiny rings that he REALLY wanted. He wanted it more then Janus, so he found it okay to do- but got stabbed for it.

Two; he then bit Roman (who kinda deserved it when he tried to ‘slay the dragon’ when Janus had saw his unnaturally-bright brown eyes) and was dragged to see everyone to figure out what to do with him.

He managed to talk his way out of being murdered by Remus by sheer amazing personality (he’s x5 sassy when afraid and Remus thought he was hilarious) and just decided to hang around everyone just because he could.

Being stabbed turned into a joke between him and Janus and now they’re besties who totally don’t steal from random assholes that they run into down the street. It’s a now competition to have the shiniest collection (Janus is winning but gives Remy the occasional shiny thing as he knows that dragons get very mad about hoard sizes sometimes)

When they all moved towns, he dragged them to one where his old friend Emile was. He also introduced Virgil to Starbucks and their coffee and is still getting berated for it to this day.

Oh and when he does manage to let himself be a dragon, he’s about as large as a horse and has really pretty black scales with a light brown underbelly. His eyes turn bright green too. Virgil calls him Starbucks’s best mascot.

Emile Is-A-Disney-Fairy-Stereotype

Can grow and shrink on command; can also make his wings appear and disappear although it does hurt not to have them out almost daily.

Pink wings and pink hair. Very popular fairy attributes (for both fairies and Monster Hunters)

Can see aura’s of humans and monsters. They look very different depending on species but he LOVES seeing human ones the most as they are often filled with more colours.

Is a therapist, is a cartoon nerd, is able to make you a dress that disappears at midnight

... Can also see your dreams but doesn’t like doing it as its intrusive and it feels like he’s breaking some kind of human Confidentiality agreement

Being a therapist has changed a lot of his views on personal space (like the whole dream thing he has). He’s very in-your-face when excited, but as a kid he would CLING to people at every chance he had. Even strangers. It wasn’t a good habit.

Became a therapist, an independent one too, because a human friend of his died of suicide and he blamed his therapist who was telling him a lot of bad advice. And said therapist wasn’t supportive of his friends gender-identity crisis as he was very strict on ‘born a boy is a boy’ kind of thinking.

Now Emile takes in teenagers for free and adults at a lower price then a normal therapist. He doesn’t have a great living space (upstairs from his office don’t tell anyone) but he doesn’t care!

Met Remy as he was one of his patients once. He can tell when someone isn’t human due to their aura’s and nearly fell out of his chair when a FUCKING DRAGON walked in.

After Remy finished his sessions, he still visited occasionally and always remembered his favourite drink (chocolate smoothie with whipped cream and caramel shavings and a chocolate stick or five sticking out- and Remy thought his coffee addiction was bad)

And after not seeing Remy after six months, only to find that he has made friends with a lot of other creatures made him so happy.

Then confused when they all dragged in this fairy therapist into their group. Where Logan asked for the occasional emotional advice (not at ALL related to Remus-), Janus made sure he got a better living space, Remus and Virgil gave him someone to talk to about darker cartoon ideas, Roman (after the 18 times he asked for a magical dress) started making cartoon-stuffs for him, and Patton...

Patton helped him realise that he was still very gay despite the AroAce that he was. He gave him head scritches when stressed, the help he needed trauma-wise, the cartoon marathons with the doggo using his legs as a pillow-

And Patton gave him someone to talk to about all his feelings about his clients (without breaking any rules ofc). And about his old friend and the terrible therapists that he’s met.

He will admit to anyone that he squealed when Janus told him that Patton was pan aroace. Seriously, just ask. He is not ashamed of his excitement of the fact that he has a CHANCE WITH THE CUTE WOLF DAD.

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swisscoin4-blog · 5 years ago

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Lukewarm Stove: Brewers Dark Horse on Harper? Realmuto, Segura, Greinke, More

I love, love, love writing up Lukewarm Stoves, mostly for my own rumor-consuming enjoyment … but right now, all I can think about is how much Portillo’s I’m going to eat as soon as I’m finished typing. So, yeah, brief intro. Rumor time.

After moving Giancarlo Stanton, Marcell Ozuna, and Christian Yelich last offseason, Marlins catcher J.T. Realmuto was expected to follow quickly behind. In fact, after seeing the writing on the wall, he even asked to be traded last year. But with three years of (arbitration-priced) control remaining at the time, the Marlins felt no urgency, so no trade went down. Lucky for them, Realmuto went on to deliver his best season in the Majors, with a 126 wRC+ and nearly 5.0 WAR overall. He may have one less year of control, but he’s now arguably the best catcher in the National League, if not the game. So naturally the Marlins are expected to trade him.

Early rumors had the Nationals interested, but they’ve seemingly moved on with Kurt Suzuki (and the Marlins preferred not to trade within the NL East anyway). Since then, Craig Mish has guessed that the Braves, Astros, Rockies, and even the Cubs (an outside chance if I’ve ever seen one) could come calling, but one thing is clear: Realmuto is on the block and will almost certainly be dealt this winter.

… or will the Marlins Marlin? According to Buster Olney, the Marlins and Nationals talks broke down when the former asked for Victor Robles in return. Whether that was an in-division premium for the catcher or their actual asking price is a bit unclear, but Olney reports that other teams who’ve checked in on Realmuto are “convinced that the Marlins will end up keeping” him through the winter. That would be extremely dumb given the other unloading the Marlins have done, so maybe it’s a very likely thing for the Marlins to do. I kid: dude’s gonna be traded. They’d be nuts not to.

The Seattle Times discusses the Mariners’ apparent tear-down, suggesting that “just about anyone,” could be next on the block. And given GM Jerry Dipoto’s M.O., that likely means more than “Sure, we’ll listen on anybody.” Cubs fans will understandably pine for closer Edwin Diaz, but he might cost the kind of prospect return the Cubs can’t realistically . muster when competing with other bidders.

According to the Times, shortstop/second baseman Jean Segura is the most likely of the remaining Mariners to be traded this winter, and it’s not difficult to see his fit with the Cubs. Segura, 28, is the right age to fit in with the core, was an above average offensive contributor last season (111 wRC+), and thanks to solid middle-infield defense, was worth 3.8 WAR overall. He might not stick at shortstop in the coming years, but as a back-up to Javy Baez, while spending most of his time at second base, there’s no questioning the fit. One potential roadblock might be the $60 million he’s owed over the next 4 seasons, but an early rumor had the Padres sending Wil Myers (and his $73M contract) back to Seattle, so perhaps the Mariners *might* be willing to take on some money if they liked the rest of the return. If that’s the case, the Cubs might be able to make it work. This is all speculation, mind you, but I’m pretty darn interested in seeing where this goes. Segura would fit quite well.

The Phillies are likely going to spend a TON of money this offseason – their owner flat out said they’d be “stupid” about it – and all signs point to Bryce Harper. Of course, the “stupid” comments have led many to wonder what else they’ll consider doing. One early doozy was the hope of landing both Harper and Manny Machado, in what would probably be the craziest 1-2 free agent landing in recent memory. But what if Machado isn’t the second guy. And what if the 1-2 punch doesn’t come in the same offseason. At The Athletic, Jayson Stark wonders if the Phillies are setting up a play to land Harper this winter and … Mike Trout in two years. Watching those two together would be absolutely wild.

But at Philly.com, Scott Lauber offers a rumor I’ve seen grown in popularity: perhaps the Phillies will spread it around. I have no doubt that they’ll at least try for Harper, but given his expected price tag ($325M+) and the Phillies many needs, spreading it around might actually be wiser. And, of course, that includes this offseason and next offseason’s almost equally wild free agent class. And with Trout looming a year later, well, you can see a bigger picture forming. I’m not convinced this is what they’ll do, but I must admit it makes sense.

At USA Today, Gabe Lacques writes that the Brewers “could be a perfect dark horse fit for Bryce Harper,” but I refuse to even consider it. If Theo Epstein and Tom Ricketts let the Brewers outbid them for Harper – because let’s be honest, he’s not *choosing* Milwaukee – they don’t deserve our many, many beer purchases at Wrigley.

[Brett: Regardless, it’s not happening. There will be plenty of other significant Harper suitors with sufficient money to outspend the remote range the Brewers would ever even consider. And hopefully, if there weren’t, the Cubs would do some “… and one dollar” Price-is-Right stuff to prevent the Harpocalypse. Or maybe the Cubs have planted this seed so that they can push the price tag up to unsustainably high levels on a determined Brewers franchise that, in the years to come, would be crippled under the weight of such a contract for even a successful Harper. Savvy, guys. Savvy.]

(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

At MLB.com, Jon Morosi runs down the seven storylines to keep an eye on, and they’re mostly things we’ve discussed here with more context (Mariners aren’t done dealing, the Phillies are going to spend, Realmuto is going to be traded), but how about this: Morosi hears the Diamondbacks believe they’re going to be able to trade Zack Greinke (three years and $104.5 million) without eating any money. Greinke has bounced back in a big way the last two years, but he’s 35 and his peripherals and velocity keep going in the wrong direction. Does anyone think he’d actually get a three-year, $100+ million deal in free agency right now?

And finally, The Ringer runs down the best three second-tier options for the teams that whiff on the stars, featuring theoretical Cubs targets Marwin Gonzalez and Josh Donaldson, as well as starter Charlie Morton.

Source: https://www.bleachernation.com/2018/11/23/lukewarm-stove-brewers-dark-horse-on-harper-realmuto-segura-greinke-more/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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babiesjeep44-blog · 6 years ago

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Lukewarm Stove: Brewers Dark Horse on Harper? Realmuto, Segura, Greinke, More

(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Source: https://www.bleachernation.com/2018/11/23/lukewarm-stove-brewers-dark-horse-on-harper-realmuto-segura-greinke-more/

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rememberthattime · 6 years ago

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Chapter 44. New Zealand

Back again! It'd only been three weeks since Chelsay and I returned from New Zealand, and although the South Island was one of our best trips ever, we felt like something was missing. Did we not have enough CookieTimes? Well, duh, but it was something else... Oh. That's right! We forgot to go to the North Island.

Having missed half the country, Chels & I decided we needed a Kiwi Trip Round II, but this time, we wouldn't be exploring alone. Our friends Pete & Megan joined our journey from real-life Hobbiton to Mt Doom. And so it began: the Fellowship of (adventu)Ring

Before getting to the North Island, I want to briefly mention a work trip I’d returned from only 2 days prior. My meetings were in Atlanta, but if I’m flying 17+ hours to the US, I’m stopping in Dallas. Now, my family had been in Sydney only 6 weeks before, but I hadn’t been home since August. That meant this “house (work) money” stopover was a long-awaited oppo for home-cooked meals, QuizTime by Matt, and board games with the whole fam (Mini Monopoly was the game of choice).

It actually worked out that Chelsay wasn’t with me this trip — see, we can’t play Monopoly together. Her strategy is to buy all the property, lose all her money, not allow me to trade her cash for property, then continuously mortgage the properties until I start paying rent. It’s a ruthless, bleed-out strategy! The winner is decided in the first lap around the board, but I think she enjoys watching me slowly die over the next 6 hours.

That was a tangent... Anyway, I had a great time at home, and am actually returning for another work trip in just a few weeks.

Back to NZ now. I returned to Sydney on a Wednesday, and we were flying out to Auckland that same Friday. I basically just stayed at the airport for the day and a half in-between... Actually, this would have been a viable strategy with Megan’s ridiculous credit card benefits: her perks got us ~$200 in free food! I have to admit: we were so distracted by the free food that we nearly missed our flight. Last ones on the plane!

We arrived in Auckland fairly late, and had a 2.5 hour drive to our first destination: scuba diving at Poor Knight’s Island. I was still jet lagged from the US trip, so hardly remember any of the ride up. Actually, the only thing I remember from that night is that we needed to wake up at 7:15 for an 8:15 dive check-in.

7:15 didn’t happen. I awoke to Peter announcing to the room: “It’s 7:47!” I’m not sure why he happened to wake up, but we were so lucky he did. Our phones hadn’t switched timezones, but thank god’s Pete’s internal clock did. Sleeping any later might’ve caused us to literally “miss the boat.”

We somehow made it to the dive shop in time, but this early AM rush was just the start of the day’s excitement. See, Poor Knight’s is considered one of the most diverse, most secluded, and most best (yeah I did) dive spots in the entire world. Don’t believe me? Well, Jacques Cousteau lists Poor Knight’s in his Top 10, which is like cracking Chelsay’s favorite piece of white furniture. My point: he knows what he’s talking about.

As explained by our Welsh skipper, Poor Knight’s is a now-deserted island that was once part of a 25 km-wide caldera (!). For reference, the ring of that volcano was the same distance from Seattle to Sammamish.

As we got closer to the island, our guide Juergen prepped us for the dive. What safety checks we need to do in advance, what different hand signals meant, which animals we’d see, which animals we’d see “doing it”... Wait what? We didn’t say anything at the time, but this was the first instance of Juergen’s weird and repeated references to reproduction.

Some would say Juergen over-prepared us for the dive - we now knew too much. Anyway, we geared up into our 7 mm cold-protection wetsuits, threw on extra vests and a hood for good measure, and hopped in.

A couple things to note here. First, although normally frigid, we had really lucky weather which warmed the island’s water temp to a very reasonable 20 C. This meant our 7 mm wetsuits were overkill, though I think the extra coverage helped avoid Juergen’s objectifying eyes...

Second thing to note: the 7 mm wetsuit is FAR more buoyant than the 2 mm we’re used to wearing in Manly. After our initial dive descent, I quickly experienced this difference, nearly blacking out as the buoyant suit pulled me up from 10m to 3m in just a few seconds.

It actually took most of this first dive to adjust... and to just remember how to scuba dive. It was bizarre, but an absolute blast to be back in the water after not diving since Indonesia 7 months before. The setting lived up to its billing as well, as hundreds of species, thousands of fish, and infinite seaweed swayed back and forth with the current. Specifically, on Dive #1, we saw a sting ray, eagle ray, several camouflaged scorpion fish, a group of orange spotted nudibranch, and one especially playful wrasse.

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I felt far more prepared for the next dive, which was lucky because we spotted all of the big stuff on this trip. It turns out I’m pretty good at spotting things when (A) they’re big, and (B) I’m not blacking out like I did on the first dive. For Dive #2, we saw two eagle rays, a moray eel, and a massive sting ray. Megan, our group’s most experienced diver got pretty close, which provides reference for how big this thing was.

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A few more things I’d like to remember from our dive day:

My scuba learning curve might have been slow, but Chelsay had zero trouble. I think it’s because of her unique technique. First, I’ve never actually seen her swim. Instead, she sort-of floats around like a dead person and let’s the current do the work. Second, she takes EVERYTHING in. Through a combination of the goggle magnification and her already big eyes, it constantly looks like she’s just seen a shark.

Poor Knight’s is really a great spot for diving. Beyond the fish and swaying seaweed, the setting itself is just really cool. 20m tall pillars, underwater ocean caves, and phenomenal visibility to take it all in.

As if the diving wasn’t enough, our boat (“The No Stress Express”) came across a pod of ~15 curious dolphins on our ride back to shore.

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After reaching land, we had a five hour drive to that night’s AirBnB. This seems like a long trek (basically driving from Seattle to Couer d’Alene AFTER a full day of scuba diving), but our entire group was up for the journey. It’s rare but extremely lucky to have travel buddies equally willing to push for the perfect itinerary, but that’s exactly what Chelsay and I had with Pete and Megan: our mirror couple that prioritizes getting the absolute most out of their travels.

How else did we ensure we were maximizing our time on the North Island? Road trip Maccas and Cookie Time McFlurrys. Crumbly chocolate chip cookies coated in caramel sauce and mixed in a creamy “bucket” of soft serve. ...Juergen would’ve made an inappropriate joke about the word creamy.

Thanks to Johnathan van Ness teaching us “How to Treat Our Skin Like the Gorgeous Organ She Is” and Daniel & Jorge explaining “What is a multiverse?”, the five hour drive went quickly and we were at our AirBnB in no time. And what a unique AirBnB it was.

We pulled into the Big Bird BnB, where our lovely host Dotty stayed up late to show us our cottage. Dotty off-handedly mentioned her animals, which gradually led to us discovering she had entire petting zoo. This wasn’t just any petting zoo though... Dotty had a “collection” of MINI cats, dogs, cows, goats, rams, and horses. Note, not all of the aroused horse was tiny... Juergen would’ve been going nuts. This miniature collection went along with normal-sized animals: pigs, ostriches, emus, and snaggle-toothed alpacas. Damn Dotty, where’s the Ark!?

The exclamation mark on our bizarre but very pleasant surprise of a BnB was the breakfast: bacon and (ostrich) egg on toast, with kitten cuddles on the side.

We couldn’t have asked for a better start, but it was only the beginning of an adventurous day. Our first stop was the nearby Waitomo Caves, one of TripAdvisor’s Top 10 highest rated destinations in the world. ...between this and Jacque Cousteau’s dive spot, a lot of Top 10s in this trip already.

We’d signed up to essentially float through an underground cave on an inner tube. The catch: rather than head lamps, the caves are illuminated solely by bioluminescent glow worms.

After a brief introduction, we once again wetty’d up for cold, wet, damp, and unavoidable submersion. We followed our guides through the cave’s entrance, which was really just a crack in the ground barely bigger than my body. Once inside, the walls didn’t get much wider, though they got far taller. Navigating narrow passages towering as high as 40 feet, we sloshed through running water while descending deeper and deeper into the damp dwelling.

Now 50 feet below the surface, we’d escaped all natural light. The cave itself was wet, but we were also soaked after tubing through underground streams and leaping off several waterfalls. After a particularly splashy jump from a 6-foot ‘fall, our guide asked us to form an inner tube-train. Something was happening — we must have arrived.

The group formed a floating line, though with our headlamps on, we couldn’t really tell what the fuss was. This particular cavern looked like each room before: a long, narrow passage, framed be limestone walls and stalactite millennial (i.e. they took a millennium to develop. Not millennial like... instagrammers. No, not funny? I’ll try another millennial reference in a sec).

The guide asked us to turn our headlamps off, and the show began. The limestone walls and entitled millennial stalactites disappeared in the darkness, but the cave hadn’t quite turned pitch black.... Galaxies of tiny blue bioluminescent lights now consumed the cave’s ceiling above us. Layers and layers of overlapping blue light.

It didn’t seem real — more like an attraction at Disney. This is fake right? The rock is just hollowed plastic, and there’s a black light somewhere back there?

Nope, these lights were very real and (uh huh) very natural. See, the light is produced when underground worms create waste. Through evolution, the worm’s waste began to glow, which attracted and trapped more food. Nature!

The amazing thing is that these glow worms had been all around us, but were hidden by the light from our headlamps.

With all other lights off though, the worm’s shit shined. The sharp light from the cave’s ceiling softly reflected off the water below, illuminating the long passage of the otherwise black cave into infinity.

Shockingly, we were underground for almost 90 minutes, so our eyes had really gotten used to the dark. Exiting into the sunlight felt like leaving da clubz after an all-night bender... which I do often.

We were literally stepping out of a hole in the ground, which is a perfect transition to our next destination: Hobbiton. The fictional home to hobbits, where their homes are built directly into holes in the ground. Does a hobbit’s shit glow too?

The ride over was short but entertaining. First, the views. Having now driven through both the North and South Island, New Zealand’s landscape continues to amaze me. I don’t know how such a small country can have such diverse landscapes. It’s like the entire EU packed into a country the size of WYOMING. This particular drive reminded us of Ireland, with vibrant rolling green hills and a population of cows that far outnumbered the local humans.

Second point to note from the ride, our entertainment: Chelsay. Megan hadn’t seen the LotR’s series (c’mon Pete), but Hobbiton wouldn’t be the same experience without context. Don’t worry. There’s no one better to boil down a 9 hour film series than Chelsay. She should have her own show summarizing plot lines. I try to imagine what Tolkien would say if he’d heard Chelsay’s explanation of LotR... I’m sure he’d agree it was an Oxford-level literary lesson.

With our whole team now on the same page (book pun?) re: Hobbiton, we were ready to tour the fictional hamlet. Our guide for the day was Paul, who was truly living his best life. Describing Paul as “a big LotR guy” would be an undersell. There’s a 120% chance he dressed up as Gandalf for the movie premiers. We couldn’t have gotten a better tour guide though, as Paul’s enthusiasm was infectious.

Not only was Paul Middle Earth’s biggest cheerleader, but he clearly knew his stuff. As we perused the Green Dragon Inn or Bag-End, Paul shared insider stories from Hobbiton’s history.

Before filming started, Peter Jackson, LotR’s Oscar-winning director, had flown over this farmland and thought it would be the perfect Hobbiton. He landed his helicopter and approached the owner, asking if the farmer would allow a film set on his property.

Not hip to the fantasy fiction culture, the farmer rejected the offer and told Jackson that “he, his helicopter, and their Harry Potter magic riff raff could bugger off.” I’m paraphrasing.

That night the farmer told his family about the cooky Hollywood director. The farmer’s son (more hip to the fantasy fiction culture) saw LotR’s dollar sign potential and called his dad a “daft sod.” Dad called Jackson the next day and the rest is history.

EXCEPT NOT! After LotR finished filming, they tore the set down! The first trilogy wrapped up in 2003, and without further need for Hobbit holes, the farmer took his land back. Great. Except he was missing out on a huge tourist opportunity.

Luck again saved our fortuitous farmer friend though, as LotR was so successful that Jackson pursued a second trilogy, The Hobbit. The filmset was built back up, but this time, they didn’t tear ‘nuffin down after filming. Instead, they put up a sign that read “Nerds welcome,” and the tourist crowds came in droves. Our group included.

The set is genuinely a fairy tale. What used to be open farmland is now truly Hobbiton, with 39 (!) intricately detailed homes, each etched with hints of the occupant’s occupation. Florist, baker, village drunk. Led by fanatical Phil, we paraded through “precious” pathways (alliterative Golem reference), trying our luck at hobbit games like stilts, and quenching our thirst with brewed-on-site beverages.

The fairy tale hamlet was buzzing and jovial, but we had to get a move on because that night’s AirBnB was about two hours south.

The drive a stark contrast to Hobbiton as it included almost zero humans. I mean that in two ways: there was both a lack of civilization, and also everyone in the car fell asleep during my turn to drive. Daniel & Jorge were the only ones to keep me company, and they rambled on about small-talk-topics like whether the universe is random or chaotic.

Shockingly, we came across a small town closer to our AirBnB. Thank god because we’d finished all the car ride CookieTimes and I was hungry. There appeared to be only one restaurant in this town, and its name was Rust — not the most appealing description. With few alternatives, we shot our shot and the meal was a massive success. Massive is the key descriptor. These burgers needed a butchers knife to stay upright.

It was necessary sustenance though, as our hike the next day, the Tongariro Crossing, required all the energy we could muster (mustard? Burger pun? ...I’m tired and writing this from a 24 hr plane ride to London).

For a bit of extra energy, we slept-in the next morning and took our time with a tasty fried egg breakfast courtesy of Chef Pete. Unfortunately this slower start created a new risk. See, Tongariro is a 19 km one-way hike: you park at the trail-end, then take a shuttle up to the start. However, because it’s such a long hike, most trekkers start early so the shuttle only runs from 5 AM to 10 AM. We pulled into the lot at 10:08. Ohhhhh, pickles.

Luckily there was a man wearing an orange construction vest. He looked official, like a park ranger, but honestly he could’ve been anyone. We asked him if he knew a way to get back to the trailhead, and because he had a truck, asked if he could give us a ride. I don’t want to give this guy too much credit because I’m sure he’s perfected this with hundreds of sleepy-headed tourists, but the savvy SOB responded “You got cash?” Goodonya mate. This burly Maori man is in the middle of nowhere New Zealand, and he’s created his very own Uber for Idiots Who Slept In. I’m immediately recommending him to EY’s Entrepeneur of the Year program.

“Joe”, as he introduced himself, was actually a really nice guy. He offered to pull over for pictures, asked if we needed any sunscreen, and even told us about his family. He was proud that his eldest daughter had just shot three deer... which means he has guns... which means we weren’t pulling over for any pictures... actually we just want to get out of Joe’s truck asap.

The ride was quite long (30 minutes), so upon safe delivery, we thought we were being generous when we offered 40 AUD to Joerotorua (we were skeptical of his white person name so made up our own). Joe really had us by the balls when he responded “That’s all?” We played dumb, sheepishly smiled, and quickly exited.

Woo. I joke about Joerotorua, but he actually saved us. Our day could’ve been seriously sidetracked if he hadn’t helped-a-Hobbit out. Thanks to his entrepreneurial venture though, we ended up right where we needed to be: the Tongariro Crossing trailhead.

Now, Tongariro was actually a tough fit into our initial itinerary. When planning, we struggled to justify forcing this out-of-the-way hike into an already packed agenda... I mean, we’d already been to Poor Knight’s, Waitomo Glow Worm Caves, and Hobbiton. Was it really worth it? Let’s have a Googl-WE’RE GOING! It took about two Google images to realize this other worldly landscape was a must-do.

And so we set off, taking our first steps into the 19.4 km trek. The payoff was essentially immediate. Within the first few Ks, we were navigating towns of bizarre lava formations, trekking through Martian deltas under LotR’s Mt Doom, and conquering what we would later find out is called The Devil’s Staircase.

We were really lucky with the weather. As I write this, I’m not sure I even appreciate how lucky we were. Spoiled brat. This particular weekend, the traditionally hit or miss North Island was hit by and Aussie Heatwave (and I don’t just mean my sexy mid-length socks *wink*). But seriously, it was hot. 90 degrees. No shelter or shade. Walking on an active volcano. Like a desert mirage, the horizon shimmered into a sweltering haze.

Like Frodo and the Fellowship, we fought the dark powers of Mt Doom’s incline before reaching the trail’s saddle. From here, the 360 degree views were unbelievable. I specifically remember looking out at the perfect desolate symmetry of Mt Doom and thinking “This is crazy.” The I turned 180 degrees to see the otherworldly colors of an exploded volcanic crater and thought: “THIS is crazy!” Then I walked 100 yards to find sulfuric steam rising from emerald lakes located between Martian lava fields and I thought: “EVERYTHING is crazy!”

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We stopped for some epic-LotR journey footage on Pete & Megan’s drone (aka Charles Lindbergh), before enjoying potentially the most picturesque picnic of my life. In terms of hard grades, the views were and absolutely unbeatable A+. Our entertainment was also 10/10: a super friendly Kiwi who showed us how to quickly descend the scree via skip (we called it the “graceful little prance”... or was it “graceful little prince”. It works either way). The only F grade: a sulfuric fart smell hanging in the air.

Now, Poor Knight’s, Waitomo, and Hobbiton (+ Dotty’s animal farm) all exceeded expectations. They were dope, but it was this track, the late add to the itinerary, Tongariro Crossing, that I’ll remember most from the North Island.

Mt Doom and our 19km hike through Mordor was truly a full-day activity. Following our eight hours on the trail, we had a two hour drive to our final stop of the trip, Rotorua (yes, of “Joerotorua”). By the time we arrived, the only sensible option was a second round of Maccas. Imagine how badly Frodo and Samwise would’ve wanted a CookieTime McFlurry after their own hike through Mordor.

We passed out *herd* (Chelsay saying “hard” in her hood voice) that night, but were surprising spry the next morning. It was our last day on the North Island, and Rotorua (aka RotoVegas... that’s not a joke) had plenty to offer.

We had three options for the day. First, street luge. Yerp. Second, redwoods. Yerp. Third, geothermal hotspots. Ehhhh. We decided to pass given we’d endured enough fart smells at Tongariro (...I’m also pretty sure Joerotorua let a rage-one rip after we shorted him with 40 AUD). Anyway, we decided to focus on the first two picks.

Stop one was the famous Rotorua Street Luge. This place was another adult playground... I’m surprised Queenstown didn’t have a street luge. Oh wait, they did? Makes sense. But the Rotorua version is bigger and better!

We decided one run wouldn’t be enough, so signed up for three. For the first luge, we went conservative in the intermediate lane. It was good getting a feel for the track, but once we’d raced to the bottom, we were ready for Expert.

It was here that our group became known to the locals. They started calling us the “Bomb Squad”... (They didn’t, but I’m retroactively adding it). Our four-person havoc wreaking, hell raising, Harry Potter magic riff raff group bombed down the track as we passed far more conservative Chinese tourists and liberally braking/highly offended families. They’ll forever remember the Bomb Squad. A couple other notes from the luge:

You actually go quite fast (up to 30 mph), and the Expert track dips to help you power through turns.

My stomach flipped a little as I pulled two wheels off the ground on one particularly hard turn.

I’m not sure Chelsay applied her brakes. Like, not once.

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Like the real Vegas, RotoVegas was toasty, so our next stop was a welcomed reprieve: Rotorua’s redwood forests. After stepping out of the car to the parking lot’s sulfuric smell, we escaped from both the fart scent and the sun into the pine-y shade of the redwoods. It was here that we were able to reflect on what and action-packed four days it had been.

I’ve always said that the sign of a great trip is the ability to point to a memorable activity from each day. Well, damn. One day we went scuba diving in one of the top dive sites in the entire world, spotting horn-tailed sting rays and even hornier-tailed dive instructors. The next day we explored a seemingly fake glow worm cave, followed by a visit to a seemingly real-life Hobbiton. Then we trekked through Tongariro (aka Mordor... aka Mars... aka Joerotorua’s place of business). Finally, we wrapped up with street luge and big ass trees.

This isn’t even to mention the wonderful company Chelsay and I got to share. Sure, the itinerary delivered an amazing four days, but what made this trip truly special was spending it with our mirror couple Manly fam (aka the Bomb Squad).

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priestfibre23-blog · 6 years ago

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Lukewarm Stove: Brewers Dark Horse on Harper? Realmuto, Segura, Greinke, More

(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Source: https://www.bleachernation.com/2018/11/23/lukewarm-stove-brewers-dark-horse-on-harper-realmuto-segura-greinke-more/

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pnwtrailrunner · 7 years ago

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Sunday April 22, 2018 Skyline 25K

You know something crazy is going on when I consciously make the decision to get up at 4:45 in the morning on a Sunday. It’s my first race of the year and I’m a bit nervous. The Yakima Skyline Rim 25K was my dream race last year but I had to drop out due to a calf injury that continued to nag me for the better part of 2017. Today I’m feeling healthy and super excited to get out there and finally run this thing. There’s no exaggeration when I say that this race looks gorgeous! I have a bunch of time to kill so I get dressed and head over to the Starbucks before the family wakes up.

We arrived in Ellensburg yesterday and had dinner with our niece Christy who attends college here. I was trying my best to stick to my normal diet and the best thing I could find on the menu was a brat and some Cheddar Beer soup. Sticking to my low carb diet was important because I didn't want to throw any of my routines off. During dinner, I stepped away for a few minutes to have a phone chat with my coach. I am kind of new to running, so being able to go over a game plan with a coach is invaluable. I’ve only been with him for a month but I already feel like I know so much more than last year. He reminded me to be consistent with my pacing and use this race as a way to learn for my next several races. After dinner, we drove out to the race site to make sure we knew where we were going. The last thing I needed in the morning was to get lost and be late to the race. We were only a few hours outside of Seattle but the short drive out to the race site was like being in a different state. We saw giant rolling hills, rocky cliffs, a beautiful winding river and almost zero trees. It’s a complete 180 from forests of the side of the mountain we are from. This place looks like it’s right out of an old western movie. I could imagine herds of Buffalo or wild horses running through here at one time. It’s really beautiful.

The sun is coming up and it's time to get ready for the day. Starbucks was great but I’m going to hit up the Red Lion’s breakfast buffet and have few eggs and bacon before leaving for the race. Bib pickup is 7:30-8:50 so I have some time. I check back in with the family after breakfast and they're ready to go. We leave the hotel a little later than I wanted and arrive at the race location around 8:15. I have my 32oz of required water and my photo ID ready to go so that I can pick up my bib. I look at my watch and see that I only have around 20 minutes until the pre-race briefing at 8:50. I hurry back to the car to pack my vest and get dressed. I'm feeling a bit rushed now but I make it to the briefing with a few minutes to spare. James gives us the lowdown of the race with an unsettling warning about rattlesnakes. What?!?! There were snake sightings on Friday but they were gone by the Saturday Race. He let us know that if we do get bit, it is important to not to get your heart rate up. Knowing what I know now about the terrain, there is no way that would have been possible. This is one of the most remote locations I have ever been. If you got bit and were somehow able to get cell service, they would have to airlift you out.

There are close to 200 runners in the small starting area and James starts us off at 9 am on the dot. We run through the parking lot and circle around to the suspension bridge that goes over the river. We cross over in a single file line to keep it from bouncing and swinging, but it doesn't help. The river below was moving pretty fast and it would suck to fall in I thought. I start moving through the winding single track trail trying to avoid rolling an ankle on the rocks. I'm going a bit slower than I had planned but I remind myself not to go out too strong. I want to conserve a much energy as possible. At about a mile in I start to regret wearing a jacket and gloves. So much for overpreparation. Careful not to stop and hold up the group, I take off my extra layers while continuing to climb. I shove them in my pack and keep moving. The trail finally opened up to the several miles of uphill climbing that lay ahead. It looked very difficult and from where I was standing I couldn't even see the worst part.

I keep a pretty steady/slow pace for the first mile. But the course was so open that I could see all the runners a mile ahead of me and it made me want to move faster. I increased my speed a little bit and passed a few people. None of us were going very fast up this thing but It gave me the opportunity to test the calf muscle. It had been giving me problems leading up to the race and this seemed like as good a time as any to test it out. It felt great! I passed when I could and kept moving. As I reached the top of this massive climb I could finally see flat trails.

The next few miles were spent on an old rocky dirt road that ran along the top of the hills. It gave us a 360-degree view of the beautiful landscape and a view of Mt Rainier that most people will never see. It was amazing. I had my iPhone out snapping photos for pretty much this entire section. We moved through a couple of small uphill and downhill sections but nothing major. I was starting to get my legs back after the after the long uphill and started to pick up the pace bit. Careful to not roll an ankle on a giant lava rock I pushed on. As I arrived at Doug McKeever's middle of nowhere aid station, I was feeling good. So far I had only gone through half a vile of olive oil and half a bottle of water. I said hi to Doug, used the restroom(the front of his truck) and refilled my water bottle. As I started down the trail Doug said that we were 1.8 steep miles from the full aid station/turnaround. He wasn’t joking! From where I was standing I could see where the aid station would be and had no idea how I was going to make it back up. At this point, all the elite runners were heading back up the single track trail. It became a game of chicken with the other runners coming up the hill. One of the other runners coming up the hill looked like he had fallen and cut his face and neck up on something. I was going to do my best to not have that happen to me.

It was getting a little warmer out now and my body was starting to fatigue. I hadn’t run more than 8 miles in a training run this year and I was just now reaching that point. I was chitchatting with another runner who had run this race before which helped the time pass and take my mind off the pain. He seemed to know every runner that was coming up the hill towards us which was pretty awesome. We were coming to the last downhill before the turnaround and it looked treacherous. I’m guessing it was close to a 65-70% grade. If I were the only runner out here it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But with the people coming up the hill and the people behind me going down the hill at crazy speed, it was a bit scary. Pretty much everyone slowed down to a walking pace or used their hands to make it down this thing safely.

I arrived at the Rosa Creek aid station a few minutes later proud of the fact that I didn’t roll down that last hill. I hung out there for a few minutes admiring how awesome the volunteers were. Their excitement somehow got me pumped up to get back out on the course and take on that uphill climb. I grabbed a pickle, refilled my water bottles and headed back to kick the hill’s butt. After my first step, the aid station excitement was gone and I was moving at like zero miles an hour. Lol! I tried my best to not look up at what was ahead of me. Every person I talked to kept saying one foot in front of the other and keep moving. So that’s what I did. My legs were exhausted but felt strong. The calf pain I was having leading up to the race hadn’t been a problem all day long so I decided to push a little harder. I increased my pace a bit and moved past a few people. I saw Glen again and tried to put on a good face for my photo. I’m pretty sure I looked like death though. I figured I only had another mile until Doug’s aid station but it felt like it might as well have been 20 miles. Why does this 25K feel harder than the 50K I did last year? Just as my mind started to go to dark places I could finally see the aid station. Sure, it was up a hill but at least I could see it. I eventually reached the aid station and refilled my water. I brought my own food so I was quickly on my way. I downed a few pieces of salami and a handful of macadamia nuts as I headed up the next climb. The salami had become a bit to warm so I decided to stick to the nuts and olive oil until the end of the race. I only had around 5 miles to go until I'd be on the line for pizza anyway.

Everyone was pretty spread out now and not as chatty. I ran with a woman for a while but we didn’t say a word to each other. I'm not sure where she found the energy, but at one point she decided to take off and leave me in her dust. I was by myself again. Now would have been a good time for some upbeat music or a good podcast. But because of the Rattlesnake threat, I left my AirPods in the car. I could hardly move at this point. I was happy they weren’t cramping like they did in my last race, but my quads were finished. With no music and quads that were already done with the race and ready for a pizza break, I was ready to sit down and take a break. Then I saw them. Spectators! These people hiked all the way up that hill to cheer us on and it was exactly what I needed. The motivation of shame:) If I sat down in front of spectators I would look like a weirdo. So I kept moving and finished the last few feet of the climb. I was at the final section of the race now. I looked down and saw the almost 2-2.5mile downhill to the finish that lay ahead of me and it looked difficult! I wondered if my legs could even handle it. I stopped, regained my thoughts, snapped a picture and started down the hill.

I’ve never felt the fear of losing a toenail until this downhill. My toes were being pushed so far into the front of my shoe that I thought the front of my shoes were going to explode open. I tried running down the hill with my feet landing sideways on the trail but it didn't help. It just made my quads hurt more. At one point I lost my concentration and started moving a bit too fast and almost lost my balance. At the last second, I caught myself before tumbling down and rolling over a bunch of hikers. At this point, I decided it would be safer to walk the rest of the steep section and shoot for running the last mile and a half. If nothing else, I wanted to walk away injury free from this thing. With about a mile left in the course, I was back in the canyon running the narrow and rocky trails. I could feel hotspots forming on the arches of my feet and every step I took felt more painful than the last. I could hear another running coming up behind me so I pulled off to the side and let him pass. It gave me chance to take a breather and adjust my shoes. I was also happy to have another runner to pace myself off of. As we got to the bottom of the canyon we met up with two other runners that were in front of us. We all went under the overpass together and then crossed the suspension bridge. The bridge was even more difficult to cross without all the other runners on it. Maybe it was just my tired legs. It felt like trying to walk across a bouncy castle with a bunch of kids jumping on it after I had just finished doing 200 squats. After crossing over we were back in the parking lot with what was probably less than a half mile to go.

I had almost nothing in my tank. I could smell the pizza but it might as well have been 5 miles away. I looked at my watch and it said 3:41 pm. I figured a finish time of 3:45 sounded like a good number to shoot for. So with what little energy I had left, I started to run. I passed the guy who a few minutes earlier ran by me in the canyon and then moved by other two guys that were ahead of us. I didn’t care what place I ended up in, I was just using these runners as a friendly competition to stay upright and keep moving. I wanted to see my daughter. I wanted to see my wife. I wanted pizza in my mouth! I could see the finish line just up and over a small hill ahead of me. I managed to stay upright, cross the finish line and shake the Race Director’s hand. I did it! It wasn’t the perfect performance but I did what I needed to do. I found my family and gave them some love before getting in line for some pizza.

The Yakima Skyline Rim 25K was a very difficult race but I am so happy I was able to run it this year. It was beautiful and challenging. It's basically everything you want in a trail race. The people that operate Rainshadow Running are very cool and put on amazing events. If you ever decide to run a trail race or have already run a bunch of them, check out Rainshadow. You’ll be happy you did.

Not sure what’s up next. Either the Red Devil 50K in June or The Volcanic 50K in August.

#race #trailrace #Rainshadowrunning #yakimaskylinerim25K

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junker-town · 7 years ago

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The '90s were the NBA's most memorable jersey phase, for better or worse

The 90s were a wild, glorious time for NBA jerseys

It’s NBA Jersey Week at SB Nation and there is no way we can talk about the history of basketball jerseys and skip over the ‘90s. The ‘90s are when NBA teams started get weird and traded in their traditional jersey looks for colorful, almost cartoonish, and sometimes downright ugly jerseys.

From Penny and Shaq in the pinstripes to Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp in a very forest green, I rounded up some of the best and worst of these jerseys. Then I got together when SB Nation’s finest, Zito Madu, Harry Lyles Jr, and Michael Sykes, and we gave our thoughts. Happy Jersey Week to you and yours.

Toronto Raptors: 1995-1999

Whitney: These were the jerseys the Raptors debuted when the franchise started in 1995. They literally debuted themselves to the world with a huge dinosaur on the chest, who is also dribbling a basketball, and has raptor shoes. Yet somehow, people still go nuts over these ... including myself.

Sykes: Those are the Air Dino 6’s, btw. I’m partially kidding, but I do feel like those sneakers should have a name. That’s what appeals to me most about the jersey. The color scheme is cool and it’s one of my favorite throwbacks, but the Raptor on the jersey is absolutely my favorite mascot of all-time. It’s so ridiculous yet so amazing at the same time. Honestly? It might be the best thing Canada has ever given us.

Zito: I remember these being in NBA Jam, and because everything that was in NBA Jam is inarguably great (not really, but I need a way to defend these), so are these jerseys. It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense that a Raptor is dribbling a basketball, while not evening wearing the jersey of the team but rather, wearing a white one with the letter “R” on it. With his feet claws poking out of the shoes. We don’t talk about that. Just like we don’t talk about other perplexing things like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Street Sharks. The jerseys are great because they were in NBA Jam and because Vince Carter could still dunk without having to ice for hours afterwards.

Harry: These jerseys bring back some of my earliest NBA memories, so whether or not they’re objectively good or bad, I like them. I always thought the color scheme the Raptors had was dope, but this really does work to me. One thing we don’t talk about often enough: the Raptor is palming the ball. But we’ll pretend like that’s not happening here.

Whitney: Dinosaurs play by a little different rules than everyone else.

Milwaukee Bucks: 1995-1999

Whitney: These were the Bucks’ road jerseys for four seasons. The team also missed the playoffs in three of those seasons. It may have been the the era of Ray Allen and Glenn Robinson but they aren’t exactly the glory days. I don’t hate these. I would probably support a Giannis-led Bucks team in them.

Harry: These are one of those things in life that’s kind of awkward and bad, which makes it somehow good? If the Bucks were to pull these out a couple of times a year, I wouldn’t mind it.

Zito: That Buck on the jersey looks like it should have appeared in Shadow’s vision in American Gods. Looks like an old god that visits you in times of distress to remind you that there are great things to come in your future. I believe that the Buck foretold of the coming of Giannis Antetokounmpo, so I will allow it.

Sykes: The only thing appealing about this jersey is the fact that it’s old. First of all, the deer just feels out of place here — it looks like the Bucks just found a stock photo of a deer and photoshopped it to the side of the jersey. Second, purple and green? Nah, fam. That’s hella 90’s, and fashion in the 90’s is way overrated. I’m a snob, yes. But that’s just ugly. Get it out of my sight.

Whitney: Sykes, ya know, I think that buck is actually stock 90s clipart now that you mention it.

Vancouver Grizzlies: 1995-2000

Whitney: These are so wild that they’re probably my favorite. Another jersey that was debuted with an expansion team, the Vancouver Grizzlies. I mean, the shorts had a huge grizzly bear on them. Of all the 90’s jerseys for sale today, think this is the one I would buy. The Vancouver Grizzlies were never that good on the court but these jerseys were.

Harry: I’m with Whitney on these. All of the small design aspects on these are awesome. The Grizzly claw holding the basketball on the top of the shorts is one of my favorite alternate NBA logos, and I’m glad the current Grizzlies team still utilizes that. But if we’re talking overall color scheme and design, give me these.

Zito: These look like something you find in a fake African clothing store in the gentrified neighborhoods of Brooklyn, but I like it.

Sykes: Zito, for the win. There’s nothing more I can follow up here with. These are dope.

Orlando Magic: 1989-1998

Whitney: In an era of expansion teams, it also gave us these Orlando Magic uniforms. They continued wearing them all the way until 1998 after debuting in 1989. They had three pinstripe jerseys total — white, black, and blue. It was so simple yet so good. I had a blue Penny jersey and a pair of his shoes during this time, so I’m biased about how great these are. This picture is perfect too with the NBA on NBC logo in the background. I’ll stop gushing now.

Zito: When I think of the Orlando Magic, which I try not to do often, I see them in these jerseys. They’re so simple and wonderful. I loved the star at the end of the shorts. I can’t really make any jokes about these, they’re nice.

Harry: These are also a favorite of mine. If I had the powers to make it happen, I’d make it so the Magic had to wear these today. The pinstripes, the number, the black, white, and blue just meshes together perfectly. I was also a fan of Penny Hardaway growing up so I’m a little biased, but there’s no denying these were perfect back then, and would work just as well now.

Sykes: Alright, I’ll be that guy. These jerseys stink. Way too many stripes for my taste. I do enjoy the color scheme of black, white and blue, but I just could’ve gone without the white stripes throughout the uniform. It ruins what is otherwise a brilliant design. Simple is good, and these stripes are just extra. Still, shoutout to Penny for the foamposites though — a D.C. fashion staple. So what if we’re wack?

Detroit Pistons: 1995-2001

Whitney: The teal era has it has been referred to. It brings back a lot of Grant Hill memories but that may be the only good thing about them. They definitely fit the cartoon theme running through the league at that time but they took it too far.

Harry: These remind me of how great Grant Hill could have been without injuries. Otherwise, yeah, don’t really dig these.

Zito: Grant Hill deserved better.

Whitney: We finally agree on something.

Sykes: Y’all tripping. These are clean. First off, the fact that Grant Hill wore these is always a plus to me. Plus, the Pistons are using an actual demon horse for this, which is totally badass. Automatic points for me. I love the teal here, and it doesn’t really match with the flame orange and black, but it reminds me of an old school Camaro color or something.

Phoenix Suns: 1992-2000

Whitney: The sunburst jerseys. Another jersey that fans wish was the current look. The Suns wore the Dan Majerle, Kevin Johnson, Charles Barkley. Jason Kidd even wore this jersey. The purple is good but I’m a bigger fan of the black alternate. They scream 90s NBA nostalgia to me.

Zito: I know there’s a lot of nostalgia around these jerseys, but no. These aren’t good. Is the basketball a comet? Can’t be, it has to be a sun. Then why are there tails of a comet? I can’t ignore this in the same way that I can ignore a Raptor dribbling a basketball. A man must have his limits.

Whitney: They’re not that bad, Zito.

Harry: The nostalgia certainly is real when I see these jerseys. They might not make sense like Zito mentions but damn it, they remind me of my early NBA fandom and watching Charles Barkley play basketball.

Sykes: I am a man with no limits. These are fire. No one will tell me otherwise.

Seattle Supersonics: 1995-2002

Whitney: The Sonics went darker with their color scheme and by dark I mean an intense forest green. They also added their own cartoon flair with the big Sonics font across the front. It proved to work for nostalgia and hipsters, I guess, as these Sonics went to the 1996 NBA Finals. But these are bad.

Zito: Seattle had a basketball team?

Whitney: That’s a little rude.

Harry: I try to pretend like these never happened but they did. Every franchise typically has one or two bad uniforms in their past so I won’t drag these as much as I might want to. Those teams did leave lasting memories, though.

Sykes: The nostalgia play is definitely a big factor with these, but I’m definitely good with passing on them. That being said, I’d still gladly wear an OG Gary Payton ‘96 Sonics jersey with pride. Shoutout to The Glove.

Charlotte Hornets Pinstripes: 1988-2001

Whitney: When the Hornets joined the NBA in 1988, they came out with these, wearing them all the way into 2001. A true jersey that spanned the entire 90s era. For me, this color scheme screams 90s. It also helps this was the Muggsy Bogues, Alonzo Mourning, Larry Johnson era which is historic on its own.

Zito: It’s like they looked at what Orlando did and thought, “yes, the pinstripes are cool, how do we ruin it? Ah yes, make it look like mold.”

Harry: When I think of NBA basketball in the 90s this is one of the first jerseys that comes to mind, along with those Hornet teams. I’ve always been a fan of these, and while the stripes aren’t as clean or traditional, it fit. In fact, I’m kinda feenin’ to get a Larry Johnson throwback now.

Sykes: I’m good on these. They look like something they’d pass out for a rec league scrimmage. I really hate the different colors of the pinstripes, too. It’s really like they combined the Magic jerseys with the Bucks jerseys and decided it was a great idea.

Indiana Pacers 1990-1997

Whitney: The Flo Jos! These jerseys weren’t exactly popular when they came out. Many didn’t understand why the Pacers had Florence Griffith Joyner design them. But today, they’re definitely one of the most popular throwbacks out there. The Pacers should just switch to these full time.

Zito: It might just be a sign of our tendency to look at things from the past through rose-tinted glasses that people want these back. Because people shouldn’t want these back.

Harry: I think these are another great example of jerseys that are fine to break out once or twice a year. Let’s leave it at that.

Sykes: Big facts.

Whitney: Didn’t expect y’all to trash the FloJos like that. Questioning why I even asked you three to join me in this now.

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