#now I’m crashing- in a good way
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Y’all today I had a good birthday, this is the happiest I’ve been since I found out that June followed me and I was really happy when I first found out. Thank you so much to everyone who said happy birthday to me, even if you didn’t know me, I really appreciate it. RAHH I WANNA GIVE ALL Y’ALL THE BIGGEST HUGS!!
#Ms Biscults speaks#Mika speaks#I HAD CHEDDARS FOR DINNER#THE RESTAURANT CHEDDARS#RAHHH THE FOOD WAS SO GOOD#I got so crunk- off of REDBULL#now I’m crashing- in a good way#like I’m tired so imma head to bed now
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Trans Curly headcanons are fascinating to me cause like… Jimmy would resent him more for it.
Masculinity is a weird underlying thing in their dynamic where Jimmy feels inferior to Curly about not only their job positions but roles in life. The idea that Curly is the better man who also made himself such would be such a blow to Jimmy’s already fragile and unstable ego. Like it’s not just that he’s just transphobic, he hates Curly’s ability to craft himself into what he wants to be successfully, it not about Curly being afab but Curly still being the better man.
But then he wouldn’t get the self image issues one can face, feeling like an imposter in a space you wanted to be in or even scared to be there. He’d just think Curly always gets what he desires and thinks nothing of it like he always has.
#also like it would be horrifying post crash cause like the implications and themes in the game I won’t get into rn#but this was inspired but a cute ish fic where Anya gave Curly his T shot cause like that’s just cute#and then it’s sad cause maybe I’m thinking Curly didn’t want to think or accept Jimmy would do such a thing because it means he could’ve#done something like that to him and the underlying fears that trans men and masc can have in male spaces of being found out and punished for#it and it’s an interesting thing to think about if it were canon or not cause like what if yknow? like trusting someone with a fact like#that about yourself only to see them torment and dehumanize someone in a way you easily could’ve been and still could be but this ain’t bout#that like Jimmy would have envy and resentment about Curly no matter if Curly was or wasn’t trans or if he disabled before the crash or#whatever cause he just resented Curly for being what he couldn’t be genuinely#mouthwashing#but back to Anya doing his T shot it’s like sad and cute cause it’s like useless now but it’s also so important to him and she’s such a good#friend and nurse to still do it and he has to think about despite all he didn’t do for her she still is doing this little thing for him and#I’ll see myself out on my sadness
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I think the writing is gentle, often funny, and sustained (overall) but it’s the acting and the chemistry that takes it to the next level.
#crash landing on you#which is often the way I find with my favorite love stories#in movies/tv shows#like reylo. comes down to the acting. especially Adam’s (though Daisy is wonderful too)#because you can actually tell a love story through facial expressions/shift in voices/body language#all of those can and do communicate love and personality. interplay and the necessary balance that makes for a great love story#and man they are soooo good. especially her (I mean especially both of them)#but she sets such a high standard. and the way her face flickers between so many different shades of feeling#and not just feeling but personality#instant layers to who she is. and he responds to them all. and you know WHY he does#you know why he’s completely in her chokehold#he’s completely caught by her personality. and she is caught by the ways in which he takes care of her/expresses his love through action#(which is ultimately his personality too)#but in the way of many of my favorite love stories she just has to exist and he has to—-wants to!—do the work#they’re also silly and cute and in Situations where they can Display Behaviors (positive)#but like. it comes down to the quality of the acting creating 3-dimensional people and real love at the same time#I am now wandering from the point#and rambling. but man!#anyway I’m going to go back to bed now
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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The funniest and saddest thing perhaps is how captivated I have been by Skaði/Njörðr lately…
Yeah. Njörðr from Feh and his… presumably existing wife that isn’t even in Feh in any shape way or form atm.
I mean I’ve taken what can be learnt from Norse mythology and have made her into my own character, basically, but still…
I am working on a fic rn but man. Who is gonna get this except me? It’s crazy. But I am having fun with it soooooo. Hopefully that’ll be enough <3
#idk I just really. really wish to talk about them more but idek where to start#something about them is bringing out my inner romantic I’m all like “I want what they have” even tho. it doesn’t end well ofc so-#idk like they didn’t choose each other. learning to live with one another and slowly fall for each other.#thinking it might actually work out. realizing it won’t and clinging onto the relationship that will inevitably come crashing down#very bittersweet ig? very longing. very… idk words fail me a lil. hopefully my writing will convey the rest#obviously the whole relationship is set in the past. so before book 7#I think Njörðr could have been once uhhhh… not as bad. like I’m still writing him with his flaws there. but yk.#he starts to become worse when Skaði and him part ways for good. now that’s a tasty take#anyways um yeah. I hope you will feel the vibes through the screen or smth#read my fic!! once it’s done and posted ofc! pleaseeeee? or don’t… that’s chill too….. lol#feh#fire emblem#fire emblem heroes#fe heroes#feh book 7#feh njorthr#feh njordr#feh Njörðr#feh skaði#Feh skadi#idk is it ok to tag her like this-
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about to start THE chapter and i’m not happy about it :) seeing ty mistrust zane after all this time makes me crazy :) i hate it here :)
#good news though!#i think this reread will up this book at least a full star#i’m way more with it now 🥰#cut & run#crash & burn
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okay i give up i cant write this pjo fic percy loves sally too much
#which is good! love that he loves his mom i think that’s so realistic#maybe i just need to do a re-read but i dont ever remember him being angry/bitter about it which. i do not understand#like i don’t need to understand it i just need to be able to write it but like. okay.#in those situations there is a lot of manipulation involved from the mothers side esp when the men are introduced to the kids young#so that part was easy like gabe prob smacked percy and sally was like im sorry hon next time just try to be more careful ok#but i have no idea how this didn’t lead into him resenting sally as he got older#esp since i don’t think he knew gabe was hitting her too so it’s not like he was putting up w gabe to physically protect his mom#which would be another issue in itself bc he’s literally 12#anyway this is all being said to reiterate that i still do have so many sally jackson thoughts even though this fic crashed and burned#shoutout to sally jackson your efforts as an accomplice to your child’s abuse will forever be tossed around in my mind#also while i’m here talking about her i need to talk about that scene in the pjo show where she told him off#so many ppl were tryna “um actually 🥸☝️” the entire thing by saying book sally would do the same cos she’s fiery in canon#which is so true sally did stand up to gabe#and i have no doubt she would have told him off in the book to#o#but i also have no doubt that she would have gotten the shit beat out of her for it later#it’s a double edged sword people who get abused aren’t 100 percent meek or 100 percent strong willed all the time#its an ugly little mix of everything and depending on the day some of the traits present more strongly than the others#ok i’m done in a fr way now
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what’s up with me and plane crashing dreams. perhaps my life long obsession with the show air crash investigations is hitting or smth
#this is the second time in a row#I slept like four hours but i still managed to dream something#and I dreamed all of this between this post and my last reblog.#basically it all started that I was reading a post (idk if it was Twitter) of a woman saying that she had to wait for 3 hours on a airplane#for the bathroom to free and she had to stay awake the entire time#and a moment later I was on that plane too. watching her. I was about to return to my seat (I think). also i was in first class. the only#way I’ll ever experience it) but OUT OF THE NOWHERE my last year surpervisor for an expo and her husband (which I saw once a picture) stand#up. and she starts screaming something about “something sweet coming for women”…? I have no idea what that means. but all the women/girls#on the airplane stand up (they were all sleeping before) and start to crowd in front of me and i start to feel like we are going down. DOWN.#and we were in fact. going down. crashing. and I was scared as hell so while everyone was laughing/celebrating (???) I was screaming of#horror. but just before we crash I wake up and I’m in my bed (but I know I’m still dreaming. because it’s like a slow downloading of the#image). I wake up and I decided I’m late for school (which i don’t have) and I get ready quickly and I march in full force to the bus statio#then I realize there is no school and I’m outside at 5am. I found a supermarket cart and idk why but I take it with me and only when I get#home I realize that the supermarket is nowhere close to my house (like irl) and now I have a freacking shipping cart and I decided to park#it in my garage#and then my mom woke me up as my alarm for 7am went off.#I feel like by brain has been fucked. I’m not used anymore to sleeping poorly because I’ve taken a great interest in better sleeping since#last year and I can’t stand this now ugh.#good morning people tho#dream
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i need to bitch about my job for a minute in the tags
#ok so a senior role was made available in my team that i could’ve applied for#and there’s two of us in the team so. yknow pretty certain that one of us would get it#it was sort of replacing someone who left who handled a fucktonne of work across two other teams i work with#and ultimately i decided not to apply for the job because 1. the other guy on my team has been there two years longer than i have#and 2. my health is fucking precarious#mental and physical. i already work slightly reduced hours to try and manage my chronic fatigue but even then i have frequent crashes#and whenever my workload gets too much i just shut down. like the worst stress response ever#so my coworker got the job and a hefty pay rise and im like good for him :)#and then he went on leave for 6 weeks so i got handed 60% of his workload#and when you get handed people’s projects you get a good insight into how they work and how they coordinate shit/write documents etc#and not only are these projects a piece of piss compared to the aid programme stuff i’ve been doing#his actual work is like?? not great#i know i’m a perfectionist and i put way too much effort into my documents and reports but#there’s no way this guy is being paid $30k more for this!!#so now i’m like why didn’t i fucking interview for the senior role!!#i have this terrible impostor syndrome even though i’ve been there a year and get good feedback on my projects#part of it because i’m 22 and i am constantly like how the fuck am i here with an arts degree. i don’t know Anything#but shit man. if this guy’s mediocre work is worth a senior role#i have had a couple of job offers with a decent pay bump which is still wild to me. you want to pay me WHAT#<- well aware this is a great ‘problem’ to have#anyway i think i need a pay rise. we’ve just had a mass exodus from our team. i reckon if i threatened to leave they would lift my salary?#but i don’t know if i want to blackmail my manager lmao
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HOZIER
HOZIER!!!!!
#i’ve tried to do this twice now cause tumblr keeps fucking crashing and my drafts don’t save and it’s. actually pissing me off#so i dunno how much i’m gonna have to say cause i’ve already tried to say it TWICE already and i am so fucking frustrated#but!!! hozier yippee#answering asks#chair asks#chair!!#okay so. anyway. i love when songs have more than one part god#part one is very pretty ough it’s like. Just his voice and some stuff in the background#OH woag another language;;#wagh i love how the voices like. start joining in at the end#and the like build up of the music#OUHHH ohhh woah part two is so so different than part one#Not what i expected this fuckin bangs#i love the music it like scratches my brain#aughhh#AUGH god the part where like#he’s like i wanna run against a world that’s turning the way he sings that part is so fucking good#ouhhhh;;;;#banger really#if i fade away let me fade away….#I WANNA FADE AWAY WITH YOU…..#yeah augh#this one’s up there on my list i think#i’d move so fast that i’d outpace the dawn!!!!!!!#anyway.#part one’s interesting but god part two dude#oh oh and and i’m hyped too cause unreal unearth is the one i’ve heard like Nothing from cackles
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my love for Maven has evolved into something and no matter how hard i try i cannot put it into words and it’s driving me crazy
#i have a post talking about how his body is decaying from the inside out due to his soul rejecting his mother and that’s the closest i’ve#gotten so far at explaining my feelings for him rn#i’ve also stopped seeing him as this sad pitiful creature and am more so leaning towards he was a rage and resentment fillled creature and#his main ways of showing love went hand in hand with him putting Cal and Mare through the worst pains/horrors imaginable#he also is absolutely batshit like#bro is on the brink of madness the whole time it’s a wonder he never fully falls through#bet u money if he had been successful in killing Mare or Cal he would’ve fully lost it#cause like now what#this whole war and the two ppl he hates/loves the most r dead and it’s his fault#idk what i’m talking about#he got me feeling like#[CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] GOOD LORD! [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] WAAAAH WAAAAH [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO#he still is sad and pitiful but he’s also a rage filled monster who was given too much power without enough guidance#just running on hatred and whatever fucked up version of love he knows of#the closest he got to truly not gaf about literally anyone or anything was his reaction to Elara’s death#did all that running on nothing but anger and hatred almost killed Cal he was so enraged#does this make any sense?#he’s still baby girl sunshine loml 🔛🔝 tuck him into bed and read him bed time stories little angel
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Fugees have one of my top 5 albums of all time and they’ve been broken up since the nineties but they’re reuniting w/ Lauryn Hill to go on tour!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except they’re skipping the entire US south which means I would need to drive 7-9 hours to see them even though this tour is literally a dream come true/once in a lifetime opportunity for me. Actually genuinely considering doing it but christ is that an undertaking…eeek
#like not even a teeny lil Atlanta stop…pleeeeeeease#also I’m so sorry to ppl in regions where most artists don’t tour. my southern US struggle is peanuts compared to yours :-(#also like I have to go to Charlotte or Nasheville to see **** and that’s ugggghgggh#at least Nick Cave comes to my tiny ass town for some reason?#i mean it’s a ‘city’ but it’s a city the way that like an inclined plane is a machine. you know#unpopular opinion among my mutuals but I find the whole process of concerts to be incredibly overwhelming so I don’t go unless they’re like#my favorite artists ever and now that I don’t live in a big city like PGH/Boston the added barrier of traveling to a different city makes#it a really big commitment that’s hard for me lol#it’s bc of the autism………..#and having three come up in Sept/Oct is overwhelming me to a huge degree lol#it’s one reason I’m glad I listen to a lot of really old music lol#I have been to some shows of my friends since moving here but the last like well known artist I saw was Roger Waters like over a year ago#I saw a lot more before that though and a lot were super important artists to me and I’m glad I saw them and my bucket list is dwindling#which is so nice!!#I’ve literally seen Bob Dylan and Parliament Funkadelic like…I’m good I can retire whenever#so so so sad I’ll never see ATCQ though#luckily whichever city I decide to see Fugees in if I do end up going I have friends I can crash with and stuff#Bon Iver is one of the last on my bucket list and I would looooooooove to see Radiohead too
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I wiped out so hard tonight my KNEES
#I fell over. so many times. including two of the worst falls I’ve had in a WHILE#god the first one literally like minute and a half on the ice i lose a foot under me and do the splits. crash into the barriers#I am notably Not flexible I cannot do the splits. I don’t know how I kept skating afterwards#the worst fall I have ever had however was right at the end and the thing that made me get off#we were playing a thing and both me and this other guy we’re trying to catch this girl who turned out to be Also going very fast#three way collision all falling forwards on top of each other#we SLID there were BLADES BY MY HEAD im lucky im short im amazed nobody got actually hurt#except like. my knees which are now staging a coup I rlly should ice them but I don’t have ice and I just wanna sleep#but GOD tonight was a mixed bag#i have acquired the instagram and will probably get him on committee if he sends me the thing#also slowly thinking hrm yeah he’s probably straight#anyway good news: i think we’re pretty solidly friends now. bad news: prooobably regrettably heterosexual#idk straight guys shouldn’t be allowed to be cute and funny and good at skating it’s not fair#aaaanyway. it’s my own fault bc I meet most new people through hockey now and this sport is pretty notoriously not queer#it’s a little different here but the people who end up Good are largely not yknow. and I am unfortunately into guys who can skate#also they end up being the people I actually get to talk to with what I do. dumb as hell. they should invent gay hockey players#anyway my assessment is still vibes based there’s time for me to be proven wrong but we will see. it’d be funny if he was queer after this#will think abt texting him on a day that isn’t tomorrow bc tomorrow’s gonna be too much and I would like to have some time to chill sometime#anyway this is my periodic reminder to myself that I’m literally just Allowed to have feelings. fucked up that it’s true#but like it’s just. allowed. and it’s not even that I’m dumb or have bad taste or smth like that and over like what.#almost two years? there have been 5 guys total. mr prick who WAS queer unfortunately. and while the other four did turn out to be straight#that was due to 1. guy literally had rainbow fucking stick tape and Everyone thought he was gay. also I was just kinda fucking around there#2. talked to him like three times before asking him out. agrees to dinner bc he thinks it’s funny. 3. many signals bc bunch of queer friends#still unconfirmed but be does have a girlfriend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 4. okay maybe I should know better by now but he’s cute okay I’m allowed to hope#it’s not even like I’ve DONE anything other than talk to him dude you’re fine you’re allowed to feel things#aaaanyway. bed now. eepy. will talk to him later. he complimented my hair okay I’m done now going to sleep#very sorry to anyone who reads these tags for just going on abt this guy but also no I’m not scroll down#luke.txt
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now that most of the immediate moving in dust has settled I really have to wrap my mind around giving it a fair chance and committing to not going home-home whenever I can because it’s not working fam.
#not to be dramatic on this Sunday night but it’s tearing me apart#like I just. I want to go home and I am just so sad#but also it’s good here and I want to (need to) give it a fair trial#I know that if I really hate it I can move back in#everybody has made that very clear#but it’s just hard and home being so close sometimes makes it harder for me not to just choose to be there#and I need to like. practice some discipline because the way that I’m built I won’t accept change if I keep giving myself an out#so like. I can’t always be torn in two#and lots of days are good. Mostly overall it’s good#But sometimes I just crash and cry. And I just want to go home!#and like. I CAN. But I think not in this stage right now#I’m rambling but my point is I need to give my body and mind a fighting chance to adjust to the new place#that’s it. that’s the thesis#Anyway evenings are hard Sunday nights are hard growing up is hard yes I know I’m 27 but like.#actually thanks for real I hate it here I just wanna go back to being a kid again#(I don’t)#just angsting
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Anyway severely disappointed I wasn’t allowed to toss myself into a window well
#Also one of my friends is now in a poly relationship with her boyfriend of a year and another friend.#Which fine. Good for them. They will work fine#But by Hylia. These fucks have no communication skills.#I wish their relationship the best. But I’m giving it six months top before it crashes and burns#And idk how to even explain this#Because the friend that. I kinda like used to like the one who just joined that relationship and I just aaa#I feel bad for her. Kinda. In some odd way#Anyway I feel bad for even saying this but I can’t tell my friend they’re gonna fail
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ive got two exams this week and ive only been to half the lectures for both of those units and honestly if i pass either exam thats just a testament to how easy this fucking school is
#like everyone down here says it’s a rigorous program or whatever but for fucks sake i don’t even show up#im doing my preliminary review so that im not going into the exams blind and now that im looking at it#i really didn’t miss too much#like for someone who cut class for a whole week#this feels a bit too easy#that being said i am also working pretty much round the clock#eating sleeping breathing academics rn#but that’s also the way i like it#every week i’m either gonna lock in and do nothing but work or crash out and not work at all#and it balances out to a pretty good student with pretty good grades#im not excellent or anything don’t get me wrong#but i’m doing better than at least half the class#and i’m hardly even in the lectures
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