#now I need to post something from dishonored too lol if this is some kind of tradition to post stuff from other fandoms once in a blue moon

[wniemocy]

In all ongoing vampyr delusion, I’m also in deep love for my Dragon Age. And for my qunari baby boy. Legends say he can smile.

This mage fit belongs to Dorian, they just did bf armour swap

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Third Act: Patience

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

guardian demon!jimin x reader

genre: fluff, angst, supernatural, romance, comedy, slice of life

word count: 5.1k

Related works: see Masterlist under guardian demon!jimin

Continuation of the events following Jamais Vu + Interlude: Second Best

A/N: SOOO this is surprisingly quite shorter than I had planned because i was actually gonna put together two acts in this chapter but then i thought against it by the end because it would ruin my aesthetic of the story LOL PLUS more to read for these trying times. On that note, i hope you guys enjoy this nevertheless and that you’re all doing well, stay healthy and safe!

Tags! @cherryjiminiee @kokobaekkie @breathebangtan @itsadoozie @thatshylatinagirl @chiminieboi @azulamakesmeblank @sectumsemptae @awkwardwookie @aduky @poisonseashell @shortannoyingginger @caramelmac-chiato @sana-b @jiminstinct @beautifulparisiangirl​

The rest of the night was a blur in your memories. You vaguely remember exiting the arena in a daze, robotically moving with the flow of the crowd and ending up outside. The night air doesn’t shock you as much as it should from being in a stuffy place for so long, the reason being never really did leave your mind and it only makes you worry your bottom lip.

Eventually, Rosa finds you after blowing your phone up with all of her messages that weren’t able to get through from the weak signal; first crushing you into a hug and asking if you were okay, apologizing for having lost you when really, it was your fault and once you assured her that you were, proceeded to squeal with unbridled emotions while shaking you, still crushed against her.

It pulls a small smile out of you, wheezing a laugh before she finally puts you down. You’re happy to hear Rosa chat away so excitedly about the concert, the high of it all has yet to subside. You wish you could share the same enthusiasm as her, but you’re feeling more like you skipped straight into the post-concert depression stage, even though you literally just stepped out of the arena. Or at least, you tell Rosa that when she notices how strained your responses were.

It takes some time, but you make it back to your hotel. You remember trying to push yourself to keep up conversations with Rosa, guilty for raining on her parade a little and at times, you think it works as you two look over the footage she managed to get on her phone. However, unsurprisingly, it was short-lived; whenever you catch sight of Jimin despite knowing that it’s not your guardian, your mind automatically drifts to the fight you had in the back alley and your guilt takes on a completely different form — one much more stifling and overwhelming.

It continues to gnaw at you through the night and to the moment you step on the plane, ready to fly back home. It’s made you develop a habit of checking your phone every other minute, a small part of you hoping to see something, anything that might be from him.

By the time you’re back in your room late in the afternoon, you still hear nothing.

You discard your luggage and bags in a corner without much care before sagging onto your bed. Jaehee wasn’t home when you got in, but the note she’s stuck on your bedroom door told you that she was out doing a grocery run and would be back shortly to welcome you home properly with a home-cooked meal. You smile softly at the thought but it doesn’t stay for long as your attention drifts back to the phone clutched in your hand. You click to unlock it, finding no new messages or calls yet again, the sight further eating away at you.

A heavy sigh leaves you, eyes slipping shut and your head slumps down as you bring the phone up to your temple, hitting against it gently.

Why did you have to be so stubborn? Your mind recalls the memory with clarity; a movie scene being replayed before you and you cringe at how you acted, every word and action reminded you of a spoiled child. Looking back now, you knew he was only trying to look out for you, keep your best health in mind but you were too caught up in your emotions at the time, tunnel visioned so hard you didn’t see the bigger picture until you’ve already walked away.

Now you’re reaping what you sowed.

As if the weight on your shoulders became too much, you allow yourself to fall back onto your bed. Your arm automatically reaches out to the giant plush cat, dragging it until you have it flushed against you, the malleable toy bringing a little sense of comfort. You pull your phone up to your face again, unlocking it once more and unsurprisingly, not finding any new messages. You stare a little longer before almost unconsciously your finger taps onto the text thread and then they hover over the call icon — hesitating.

What would you say? Would he even want to hear from you?

The thought makes your chest ache, but what’s worse than that is never hearing from him again at all and this would be your last memories of each other. No, you don’t want that. So you take a fortifying breath, pushing away all of your self-doubting thoughts and finally —

The phone comes alive in your hand, the vibration and the ringtone combined making you jolt for a second with your hands fumbling the device. Once you get a grip, your eyes scan the screen and your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. Without a second thought, you slide to accept the call.

“Hello?” It comes out in a gasp, breathless from how fast you bolt up from your position, ramrod straight and the poor plush cat clutched against you like a lifeline.

“Y/N?”

“Y-Yeah, hey…” Your heart is racing like you’ve ran a marathon, so loud in your ears that you hope by some miracle he doesn’t pick it up through the line because lord knows you’re not doing a good job at hiding how nervous you are.

“…Hey…”

And the sound of his voice is not helping; husky and low, like rich velvet chocolate that has your heart stuttering and melting all at once. He’s so easily emptied your head of all the things you had wanted to say and he’s only said one word.

Wow, you’re really losing it huh?

“Y/N?”

“H-Huh?”

“I asked if you got home okay.”

Your cheeks heat, picking up on the breathy edge of his tone and already imagining the amused quirk of his full lips. “Yeah! I — Yeah, I just got in…. In my room, just… resting for now…”

“That’s good to hear….” You hear him trailing off, trying to keep the conversation light and casual as if there wasn’t a giant pink elephant between you. It does nothing but make you more aware of it, antsy in needing to come forward and own up to your mistake because he, of all people, deserves an apology for how poorly you acted. Swallowing, you take in a breath and just go for it before you can regret it.

“Jimin—“

“Y/N—“

You both pause, an awkward silence filling the space at not anticipating the other speaking the same time. Hurriedly, you try to cover up your social blunder, embarrassed.


“God, sorry you can—“


“Sorry, what were you—“

Again, you speak over each other, which ensues another awkward beat. It’s only broken when you can’t help but let out a short huff of a laugh, completely at a lost. Through the line however, you’re greeted with the pleasant sounds of his own chuckle joining your own and like a spell, you are at ease, the nerves dissipating slowly.

“Now I remember why I can’t do phone calls…” You groan, half-jokingly but also already burying your face halfway into the large toy you have that’s now acting as an emotional support. If only it could swallow you whole…

“It’s okay, I don’t mind — not like I’m doing any better.” He replies and you smile softly, the warmth of his voice so soothing to your ears. Any other time you probably would be satisfied in listening to him talk for hours through the phone, social awkwardness be damn but this is neither here nor there, so you shake yourself before you get too lost into the tempting idea, getting back on the matter at hand.

“How about you go first?”

“No, you go ahead.”

“Seriously, Jimin—“

“I insist, Y/N.” Jimin’s voice is still gentle yet firm, enough for you to sense that there’s no room for argument. “Please.”

So you sigh, giving in. “Okay….” You say that, but it takes you a moment to gather yourself, not knowing where to begin or how to put into words what you feel properly.

But he waits patiently, and the quiet assurance allows for you to take that first step, even if you might stumble.

“I’m sorry,” You blurt out before you catch yourself and think maybe you need a little bit more context. “The concert… When you saved me from passing out by taking me outside, I— I’m really grateful you did that. I think it would’ve been bad if you hadn’t so…. What I said afterwards, and how I acted afterwards, that was really shitty of me…. You were right; I was so careless —“

“Y/N....”

“No! I really wasn’t thinking! And it’s so unfair of me because you helped me and I just—!” You stop abruptly, your voice rising dangerously in pitch with frustration and take in a shaky breath, trying to reign in your emotions. There’s no way you’re going to turn this already mess of an apology into an even bigger mess by actually crying. He might not be able to see you but you still felt the need to walk away with some dignity; composed so that he won’t think you’re some pathetic wreck. After swallowing away the growing lump in your throat, you continue on quietly, “I was just….so mad at myself. Like, after everything I couldn’t even stay for the entire concert — like I completely wasted it all and I took it out on you. So if you’re mad at me, then I get it; just know that I’m really sorry, Jimin.”

You don’t know what to say after that, not sure if there’s anything else left that isn’t ‘I’m sorry’. So you wait with bated breath for him to say something. Forgiveness was a selfish want from you but you would understand if he chooses not to despite the thought of it alone leaves your chest aching. The mere minutes of silence drags on like an eternity for you until finally, you hear him sigh.

“Y/N, I’m not mad at you, I promise.” He says, sincerely. “And I should be the one apologizing; for…freaking out at you like that, it just made things worse. I know….I know how much they mean to you,” There’s a short pause, like there was suddenly something holding him back but he shakes it off just as quickly as it had came, “how much he means to you.”

The statement has you momentarily taken aback, not expecting it at all. For some reason, you didn’t like the way he said that, even when everything about it was true. Before you can think too much on it however, Jimin quickly switches the tone in conversation, redirecting your attention elsewhere. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out but you know your safety is my priority, right?”


“Y-Yeah, I know….” You reply, a little flustered from having your thoughts derailed but pouting at being reminded of your deplorable behaviour, feeling much like a reprimanded child. “I promise I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“That’s my girl.” You grunt in acknowledgement, heated face sinking back into the soft confines of the bean-shaped cat still in your arms. “Listen, I have to go soon, so take care of yourself for me alright? Get something to eat and, please unpack and do your laundry.”

His playful gibe draws out an affronted gasp from you, “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

You only get a peal of laughter in response, making you further pout indignantly.


“I’ll talk to you later okay? Stay safe, cherub.”

“M-Mm, yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later then.”

When you hang up, you’re in a bit of daze. On one hand, you feel relieved that you both managed to resolve the fight that was weighing so heavily on your chest, honestly just glad to hear from your guardian again too but on the other hand, you can’t help also feeling like you’d been bulldozed a little. You want to say you’re simply over analyzing things, but your mind is constantly wandering back to what he said about how much BTS meant to you — more specifically, how much he, BTS’ Jimin, meant to you.

It almost sounded as if….

As if he believed you thought less about him in comparison.

You swear your heart drops to your stomach, frozen in a stunned silence like you can’t process this information, the idea preposterous and so close to outright denying it until you realize that… you never gave any indication otherwise. It really has always been BTS and their Jimin with you but now…

Now there’s Jimin….Your Jimin.

BTS are still important to you but your guardian has become someone irreplaceable to you, and through all the fond memories you can recall, he's there.

He's always been there.

The revelation triggers everything all at once; sweaty palms, palpitating heart, butterflies in the stomach — the whole shebang along with a whole Pandora’s box of emotions: elation, relief, disbelief, giddiness, uncertainty….

And crippling anxiety.

Oh boy, you think as a nervous laugh escapes you, I’m in danger.

-

Fuck.

He curses to himself for the umpteenth time as a particularly harsh wave of pain rolls over him, eyes squeezing shut to try and block it out but he thinks all he’s done successfully is make himself dizzy. It lasts for a second longer before finally it ebbs away and a long exhale escapes past his lips, relieved. The demon remains where he is slouched against the concrete ledge lining the rooftop he’s on a while longer, simply catching his breath and letting the gentle breeze cool his skin. Only once he feels the throbbing against his head die down does he let his eyes slip open again.

He’s greeted with the brilliant sight of the sunset sky, so vibrant it almost seems like he’s looking at a painting. The rich shades of orange bleed like wildfire, lighting the streaks of wispy clouds almost red before blending in to softer pinks and hints of lilacs, the blues deepening into a more indigo shade with the coming of night. The sun sits just a little above the horizon, its glow no more than a haze as it continues to make its descent and he watches on with an almost mocking indifference to the splendour of it all.

Jimin instead, idly thinks he’s gotten a good handle at dealing with the shockwave of pain that comes with completing a deed. He doesn’t feel as winded or sore from the muscle aches it usually leave behind — he wonders if he’ll eventually become numb to it or simply be too tired to care. Dark eyes wander down to his phone still clutched in his hand and the conversation he had not too long ago rushes back.

It went… surprisingly smoother than he had expected, despite the awkward start. When he had decided to call you, Jimin had finally swallowed his pride in that he owes you at least an apology for shouting at you the way he did. It was unnecessary and did more harm than good, evident when he had watched you withdraw in on yourself soon afterwards. He should’ve known better, but in that moment his emotions got in the way; those dark desires he's trying to keep locked away, only for them to become harder and harder to contain the longer time passes. And that’s what Jimin’s afraid of — that despite knowing how much the band and the singer means to you, he’ll disregard it all for petty, selfish reasons. Hell, he couldn’t even acknowledge the fact out loud just now without having to practically force it through his teeth and even then, the bitter aftertaste the words leave behind still lingers.

Like a reminder that all Jimin will ever have with you are fleeting moments, nothing more.

Jimin’s afraid that sooner or later, he’ll end up hurting you because he got too greedy.

A deep sigh leaves him and he runs a hand through his dark tresses out of stress, thoughts racing through his troubled mind until one sticks out above the rest. From the way things are going, Jimin thinks his best course of action would be to distance himself from you a bit more; see you less in person and maybe perhaps get your roommate Jaehee to check in on you every once in a while for him.

It’s not something he wants to do, but with it, it’s killing two birds with one stone — you won’t find out about his weakening condition and he won’t do anything that he’ll regret.

-

Before you know it, the week is nearly over with days passing by with you back on your routine again of going to work and occasionally hanging out with your friends. The world moves on as if nothing were amiss even though for you, it was anything but.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things (i.e. the universe), your problem is pretty minuscule and there’s no doubt that if your friends were clued in on everything, they would probably smack you, call you a dumb-dumb and tell you to quote, ‘get that ass!’ but it just had to be so much more complicated than that.

First and foremost, you were four days old when you found out that you’ve caught feelings for a demon who also happens to be your supernatural entity guardian.

That sentence alone is already chock full of all sorts of sacrilegious implications (not that you really cared but you can only imagine how it would sound like to an outsider).

Secondly, you don’t know if he feels the same way or if he just sees you as something else; a tolerable human being that’s entertaining? A friend you would hope at least. Or…. Simply an obligation.

That last one stung a little.

Worse is you haven’t forgotten that your guardian was only meant to stay temporarily, something that had already been troubling you in the back of your mind and though you had pushed it away continuously, you learn that all it did was grow until it began manifesting itself in ways you hadn’t realized. Both a good and a bad thing because in doing so, some things make much more sense now. But with you being aware of your feelings, the question of how or should you even let them be known becomes the cherry on top of this rapidly melting sundae.

You think you’ve worked through every possible scenario, dissecting them every way you can like a mad scientist, but the results all end up the same either way — things wouldn’t work out and you’ll just end up being heart broken.

An exasperated groan leaves you and your forehead nearly connects with the table below you before you caught yourself midway, thinking better because you don’t know what’s been on it. You don’t get time to continue your brooding however as a radio static voice cuts through the lunchroom.

“Hey Y/N, you back from your break yet?”

Glancing down at your phone, you note the time and inwardly curse, reaching up to press down on the mic reluctantly, “Yeah, I’m on my way out.”

“Okay, cool. Once you’re back up on cash, Stephanie can take her break then.”

You slouch back on your seat, intent on taking your time to get up (not like there was anyone here to clock you on your punctuality). You have two hours left on your shift but already you feel drained, both physically and mentally. Eventually, you muster the strength and willpower to finally get up and begin making your way back to the store floor, despite your mind being far from keeping the queue line clean and customers happy.

You sigh, hoping weakly that by some miracle, the remaining work would be enough to distract you from your troubling thoughts, if only for a short while.

When the two hours were done, it felt like you had been holding your breath the entire time and when you finally clocked out did you let yourself breathe. The weight of your thoughts stayed, but at least now you’re finally free to wallow in it once again without any interruptions. Probably not the greatest thing since it nearly made you miss your stop. You get through the door, catching Jaehee just as she’s making her way to the kitchen, changed in her lounge wear, fresh from a shower with her hair still damp and a towel draped around her shoulders.

“Jaehee, you’re home… kinda early?” You remark, taking a glance down at your phone to confirm that usually she wouldn’t be home for another hour and a half.

“Oh yeah, I asked to clock out early; wasn’t feeling too well.” She answers wryly with a half-hearted shrug. You blink at that, brows pinching a little in worry.

“Coming down with something?”

“Nah, nothing serious. Promise.” Jaehee smiles, assuring. “I’m gonna make lasagna tonight, sounds good?”

You nod, feeling your stomach rumble with anticipation. After washing up, you head out of your room, comfy in your pjs and already smelling the cheesy goodness of the lasagna baking. Peering into the kitchen, you see Jaehee busy with cutting up lettuce, most likely for a salad on the side for you to share.

“So how was your day?” Jaehee asks as you step in to take out some plates and utensils.

You respond with a noise; a straining, drawn out groan that borderlines on a mental breakdown but never quite reaches. It’s a response your roommate is familiar with, so much that any further context isn’t necessary for her to understand that work has been same old, same old; irritating but you do it for the money.

“Any dumb customers?” She laughs.

You pause to think but then answer, “Thankfully, no. Like, God decided to take pity on me for once. What about you? Has your manager been acting up lately, Ethan?”

At the mention, Jaehee lets out her own groan, shoulders dropping for a second as if the very thought’s weight had suddenly pushed down on her. You offer a sympathetic pat before slipping on oven mits to grab the now ready lasagna. Jaehee worked at an office in a junior position as a recruiter of sorts, a job she managed to get a little bit before graduating and thus, quitting her old retail job. What the company does specifically you’re still a little unsure of to this day but from what you’ve been hearing through Jaehee, you think that’s not the biggest issue to worry about.

Most of the stories Jaehee chooses to share with you were more or less what you would call ‘office horror stories’ — two-faced co-workers, that one guy who doesn’t know what personal space is, after work get togethers that, although is a nice idea, were often times far too forced to feel anything remotely ‘team bonding’, some handful shady department practices and of course, the unstable manager. Needless to say, it’s left you feeling concerned over the environment Jaehee has chosen to work in and although she expresses the same opinions as you whenever she vents, she’s always left feeling uncertain on what to do and then just brushes it off.

You don’t push on it further after that, only offering suggestions she could possibly consider but ultimately, leave it for her to decide whether she would actually take them or not. This is Jaehee’s job, not yours and you respect and trust Jaehee as a person who can make the right choices about her life.

And so dinner passes by in that same manner, the subject shifting quickly onto more casual things. Once or twice Jaehee would sneakily ask how things are going on with Jimin (or Julien as she knows him) of which like talks about her workplace, you skitter around on — as if you can explain your dilemma to her when you don’t even know where to begin yourself!

By the time you wash up and crash land onto your bed, you’re back to square one, caught up in your internal whirlwind of emotions with no hopes of trying to sort any of the mess out. Like Dorothy trapped in her little house that’s been sucked into the tornado, except you don’t even have a little dog to be your emotional support. You toss and you turn for a while, kept up by those thoughts until your self-promises of trying to go to sleep early is abandoned in favour of scrolling endlessly through your social media feeds. So much for trying to fix your awful sleep schedule.

You swear you blink once and it’s well past two in the morning already. You put your phone down with a sigh, bringing up a hand to rub your eyes and relieve them momentarily from the harsh glare of the screen. The thought that maybe you should give it a rest and attempt to sleep, even if it means just closing your eyes and hoping you lull off at some point crosses your mind but right when you’re about to part with your phone, a low buzz erupts from it along with a small chime. The vibration sends a shock from your chest before you lift up the device, the screen lit with a new incoming notification. When your eyes adjust to the brightness once more, you freeze.

Speak of the demon.

“Hey cherub,

I know it’s pretty late (though something tells me you’re still awake anyways)

But I just wanted to check up on you and see how you’re doing.”

You inwardly groan to yourself; it’s like the Lord is testing you right now. All the mixed feelings you’ve been having has you seeing things through new lenses. It’s annoying on every aspect — you hate how it has made you second guess yourself on everything that you’ll do or say, like you’re walking on eggshells while being smothered at the same time. But you can’t deny that your caution isn’t without reason. When it comes to matters of the heart, your approach is comparatively much more skeptical than to most people you know. Hence, you suppose, it would explain your sparse and short-lived dating history.

You weren’t a big risk taker or trusting enough to leave your heart in someone else’s hands; you feel like you have so much more to lose than to gain and you’d rather save the heartache for something a little bit more worthwhile. So to even think about shooting your shot with someone when the odds are so against you like this….

You chew on your lip, heart pounding and fingers hovering over the keyboard in limbo, caught between listening to your head or your heart. But Jimin…. Your dear guardian Jimin, always had this inexplicable effect on you. You don’t know whether it’s from his nature as a demon or something else, but it has only grown stronger over the time you’ve spent with him that you think no matter how hard you try to stay away, you’ll find yourself unconsciously searching for him again, like a moth drawn to a flame.

And so you find yourself tentatively typing out your response, backspacing when the doubt creeps in but ultimately, you reason, as long as you don’t give anything away, he can’t see through you… yet.

You hit send before you think too deeply on that.

“I don’t appreciate being called out like that >:(

But if you must know, I’m well (despite, you know, possibly losing out on precious sleep right now due to a certain demon).”

The bated breath you let out could be mistaken for accomplishing something excruciatingly nerve wracking, like skydiving for the first time. It’s comical really, if you weren’t the one going through it. Your head flops to the side momentarily in a defeated manner; why did you have to get smacked in the face with feelings when you can barely get a handle of what you want for dinner the following day? Maybe you shouldn’t have replied, but then you’d feel bad because Jimin hasn’t done anything to get ghosted. Oh god, maybe you should’ve just replied in the morning instead, why did you have to be so — ! A rumble pulls you out of your mental panicking and with jittery hands you bring up your phone again, hastily reading the reply.

“Don’t pout cherub, I’m just messing with you ~

I actually didn’t think you would reply but anyways, I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay at least so you should try to get some of that sleep.

I won’t keep you then.”

But you do pout regardless. In spite of sounding like you wanted to desperately hide away from ever talking to Jimin again in fear of acting like a fool, you can’t help feeling a little disappointed at how short the conversation was. Your fingers move on their own, typing out the first thoughts that comes to mind, only to erase them. It goes on like that until you finally stop on the sixth try, deflating as if all the night’s tumultuous emotions have finally worn you out to a sullen calm. What are you even trying to do? You feel like for the past minutes, you’ve done nothing but be so indecisive with yourself that you fear you don’t know what you want anymore. Perhaps this is your divine intervention that you should sleep on this, at least for tonight.

With a resigned sigh, you send off a short and simple message, not really expecting a reply as you finally place your phone down on your nightstand.

“I’ll go to sleep soon.

I hope you’re doing well too, staying out of trouble and such.

I can’t exactly guarantee you that I’ll be of much help if you do, so….don’t do it!

And thanks… for checking up on me.”

You go to settle down into your sheets when the familiar chime and rumble once again snags your attention and you can’t resist, reaching over. You read over his words, a smile tugging at your lips.

“I’m fine, don’t worry your pretty little head over me.

I won’t do anything that’ll stress you out….too much ;)

(the prick, always gotta keep you on your toes somehow but you suppose that’s why there’s never a dull moment with him)

It’s not a problem darling, so rest easy and …. sweet dreams.”

The smile lingers on your lips long after you drift off to a surprisingly peaceful slumber, mind put more at ease. You’ll figure this out, one way or another.

[el-gilliath]

I Will Survive

Well damn, who would've thought something like this could happen at 4am (Norwegian time). So beware of any spelling errors, please and thank you.

As always, dedicated to my lovely @lsobelevans. I’m sorry it took me so damn long lol

BE AWARE of violence in this chapter. None graphic, but you do see aftermath

Ao3

He hasn’t stopped thinking about the kiss. Of Cowboy’s lips on his. Of his hands on his skin. Of the gorgeous hazel of his eyes. Of the face he can’t remember.

He realized quickly that Influence is probably the reason he can’t remember, it seems like something that is within her abilities. A part of him is glad, he doesn’t want to remember Cowboy’s face until he knows his name, and he does remember the feel of his gorgeous curls between his fingers. It felt good to run his hands through them, it’ll feel good when he gets to do it again.

After getting Cowboy out of the hands of the Russians, the bond, the connection, between them felt more profound. Kissing him made it even more so. Alex can feel it, in a way, the connection underneath his skin.

He also knows how dangerous it is, how many people who would love to use him as bait for Cowboy, should their tentative thing be known. Everyone and their mother has warned him about it, including Liz (who is very publicly dating Detective Max Evans and not Electrobuzz), Maria (who knows all the shit that happens in the vigilante world), and Kyle (that did not go over well). Even Arturo has given him the worried face and soft spanish proverbs, even though he doesn’t need them. None of them understands that being Jesse Manes’ youngest child has put him in the spotlight and kept him there for years.

No matter how much Jesse hates his son, he wouldn’t stand for anyone giving him the dishonor of taking his son. It’s the one thing he can count on more than anything when it comes to his dad, he doesn’t like dishonor. If nothing else, Alex will appreciate that about his dad, no matter how much shit he gets for it. It also means that he knows Jesse will come for him, even if it’s only for the glory of having rescued his son and not because of Alex himself.

Which is why he’s not afraid when he finds himself being dragged into a car as he leaves the Post on a Wednesday afternoon, Rosa screaming “No!” as his eyes meet hers when they take a hold of his arms and kick his legs out from under him so he can’t really resist. He just lets himself be dragged into the van, giving Rosa as much of a reassuring look as he can. He doesn’t want her to be afraid for him, even if he knows she probably will be.

He’s fairly sure he knows exactly where they’re taking him anyway.

The kidnappers throw him into the back of the way, screaming at him in broken english to sit down and shut up. They scream that if he makes any trouble they’ll kill him. Alex knows that they won’t, but he still nods, curling together like he’s frightened, like he’s cowering. He’s not, fear isn’t something he feels lightly anymore but he has to protect his leg. If they take that then he’s gonna have one hell of a harder time with everything. Thankfully the men only scowl at him behind ski-masks as they drive off. He closes his eyes, counting seconds and minutes to try to find out where they’re going, listening out for the murmuring that’s happening in the van with him.

He knows he’s right when the driver starts talking louder in russian, when they slow down after about 20minutes. They’re in the Russian compound. And he’s probably gonna meet Mr. Serkoff again, after getting the diamonds off of his hands. The diamonds he decidedly did not give his father.

He’s about to be in a bigger heap of trouble than he’s been in a while.

He’s roughly pulled from the car a few minutes after they stop, pushed ahead so quickly he barely has time to put his feet under him. His leg pulls in the wrong side of comfortable and he bites the inside of his cheek not to cry out. Instead he straightens himself, stands tall and walks into the lion's den. He ignores the pushing, he ignores the yelling. He’ll face this on his own terms, not on theirs.

He’s taken to a back office in the Diamond Storage and roughly shoved into a chair in front of a huge oak desk, where Serkoff is sitting watching his men’s rough handling with a bored look on his face. Anyone not good at reading faces wouldn’t see the underlying anger, the fury.

Alex Manes grew up with Jesse Manes. He’s seen more anger than he ever wants too.

“Mr. Manes.”

“Mr. Serkoff,” Alex replies. He makes sure his voice is calm, collected. He needs to stay strong. “I don’t think taking me right outside the Post was the smartest idea you ever had.”

“Perhaps not. But I doubt you are surprised to find yourself back here again.” The anger turns obvious, a snarl on the russians face. “You took my diamonds, Mr. Manes. And you did not deliver them to your father. He was not… pleased. And as a result, I am not pleased.”

Alex just looks at him. He hitches a brow slightly as if to say ‘get on with it’. He might not be the good little cop boy his father wants him to be, but that doesn’t mean he’s not capable. And right now he needs to be a Manes.

“He told me he never sent you to get the diamonds. That he would never.” The chilling grin is the first sign. “He told me to do whatever I wanted to you. He would rather find your corpse, than to find you alive.”

It breaks his heart, just a little, to hear that. But he also knows it’s not true.

“If you hadn’t taken me very publicly that would be true. But you did. My father might hate me, Mr. Serkoff, but he won’t stand for slights on his honor.” Alex’s top lip curls upwards in a parody of a smile. “Taking his son like that? His disabled son which the public thinks he loves? You can’t imagine the outrage.”

Something flickers in the burly Russians eyes. Almost like compassion. Almost like understanding. It disappears fast behind the mask of indifference.

“Give me my diamonds.”

“I don’t have them.”

Serkoff visibly bites his tongue, hard, most likely to stop himself from speaking too early. Alex understands him better than he wants to at that moment.

“Exactly how much does my father have on you, Mr. Serkoff,” Alex asks. The snort in response wasn’t what he expected.

“Your father has nothing on me, Mr. Manes. I deal with him because I want to, not because I have to.” Well shit. “And if you do not have my diamonds, I have no need of you.”

The knowledge that he means exactly what he’s saying churns inside Alex’s stomach. He has nothing to stop this, unless he gives up the diamonds. The problem is that he’s not lying, he doesn’t have them. But he does know where they are.

He also knows that giving them up would be the end.

“What if I could make you a deal?” Alex asks. Giving up the diamonds would be the end, but he can give him something different, something that might be worth more.

“And what kind of a deal would that be?”

“In exchange for me walking out of here, I could give you information. Information my dad probably doesn't want you to have.”

“And how would that benefit me?”

“When I take him down, I’ll keep your name out of it.” Alex takes a deep breath. “And in the end you’ll have your diamonds back.”

Serkoff looks at him in a way Alex is intimately familiar with, having grown up in the Manes household, like he’s a bug he wants to squash. But there’s also interest, a curiosity that Alex can’t help but feel hopeful about. If he can convince this burly russian that he can give him valuable information he might have a chance. It also means that his rig at the Pony will be brushing off the dust in a way he promised he wouldn’t do any more.

“Your offer is interesting,” Serkoff replies. “But you stole my diamonds, Mr. Manes. For that I cannot just let you leave.”

It’s the last thing he remembers as he’s hit in the head with a gun.

———

Pain. Harsh spoken russian words. The glint of a knife. Pain.

------

He wakes up, doesn’t know how much later, alone in a room. He’s on a bed, prosthetic still on. His head is pounding, his stomach is on fire, his hands filled with tiny cuts. It hurts, but he knew this was a possibility. It’s not like he hasn’t suffered worse before.

“Mr. Manes.”

He jumps, his heart hammering in his chest. His spatial awareness comes rushing back, recognizing the fact that the door’s been opened and that Serkoff is now in the room with him. He’s thankfully standing by the door, making no moves to come closer. It makes Alex’s heart settle a litte.

“Mr. Serkoff. Done beating me up?”

“Yes,” the russian replies, simple as that. Maybe it is. “Now tell me about the information you can give me.”

Alex swallows. “Will you let me go if I do?”

“I will. I could not let you go without some retaliation. My own people would think me weak if I did, but now I can. If you give me the information. From what my sources tell me, the youngest Manes is a very good hacker.” Serkoff grimaces. “I was also told hacking was how you lost your leg.”

“Yeah. It was. Doesn’t mean I’m not good at it.”

“On the contrary Mr. Manes, for you to have lost your leg you must have been very good, for someone to want to hurt you that much.”

“My dad is the reason I lost my leg, Mr. Serkoff.” Alex sighs, worn and tired. “Maybe now you understand why I want to stop him.”

Serkoff doesn’t say anything, but Alex recognizes the look in his eyes. It’s the look of someone who does understand, it makes the look in his eyes earlier make all the more sense. He knows exactly what Alex is talking about, probably better than Alex thinks he does.

“And you will keep me and my men out of it.”

“I will. I can’t keep the russian mob out of it completely, but I’ll try.”

“And I will get my diamonds?” Serkoff asks, and Alex just nods. His body is starting to shut down, in pain and aching. Talking is starting to become too much. “Good. I will get you a scapegoat, someone who should be taken down with your father. Now rest, your friend will be here soon.”

Alex opens his mouth to ask who said friend is, but he doesn’t have the chance before Serkoff nods sternly and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Alex to his own thoughts. Alone, deep in the diamond storage with the russian mob. A friend coming soon.

He really hopes Cowboy or Influence didn’t get themselves involved.

Still he lays back down and rests. He probably doesn’t have to fight his way out but he still wants to get some strength back. Even if that strength is skin deep, allowing himself to rest so he can walk out on his own is enough. Serkoff and his men are not someone you want to appear weak in front of. Especially if he’s going to have somewhat of a working relationship with them.

He doesn’t know how much time passes as he rests, lost in his own thoughts of where he needs to move his rig (he can’t keep it at the Pony just in case someone traces it back to him), how he’s going to keep Arturo from finding out (he already knows how mad Arturo would be, after how frightened he was the last time) and who’s coming to get him (he’s going to kill whoever it is for walking voluntarily into the compound).

Which is why he startles (spatial awareness, come on) when the door bangs open.

“Hermano, you better be alive on that bed so that I can kill you myself.”

He huffs a laugh, of course it’s Rosa. A spitfire latina would be the only one crazy enough to come get him in the middle of the russian mob and threaten murder.

“I’m fine, Rosa. Just resting,” he answers, smiling in amusement as her glowering only increases. He’s still thankful for the way she stalks over and throws herself down on him, hugging him tightly.

“I was so scared when they took you,” she whispers as he hugs her back, mindful of his aches. “I even called Maria and you know I prefer when she comes to me.”

“I appreciate your sacrifice,” he whispers back. Even though they both know that Rosa’s burgeoning interest in Maria means they’ve called upon each other half a dozen times (if not more) since the night at the Pony. Though he’s pretty sure Rosa actually prefers it when Maria does come to her. And when she doesn’t have to call her to find someone else.

“You better. I’m in Maria’s debt now, I don’t like being in anyone's debt.”

“I know. But you can get a date out of it?”

“Vato, don’t you even-

“Okay! Okay” Alex interrupts her with a laugh that turns into a cough. “Thanks for coming.”

“When the Russian mob calls and tells you to come to their secret base to pick up your best friend, who they just kidnapped you kinda go,” Rosa answers, grumbling into his chest. Alex just holds her tighter, squeezing her in his version of a thanks. Something he knows she understands, none of them are big on talking about their feelings in high strung environments. “Speaking of the Russian mob…”

“Yeah, no, I’m not telling you here. Later, okay?

“Si,” Rosa replies. “But you better tell me.”

“I will. But we need to get going.”

Rosa nods and gets up, pulling Alex with her. Standing is painful, but he can put pressure on the prosthetic without problems, meaning Serkoss left it well enough alone. It helps him move out of his own power. He's grateful for that much at least.

They walk out of the compound easily after that. All the Russian men are gone, vanished from their vicinity. Alex knows, he uses all the tricks in his books to look for them, as they move out to where Rosa’s car is parked. He looks back one more time before he gets in, and catches Serkoff watching them. He nods, a gesture of respect Alex didn’t expect. Still, he nods back and gets into the car.

“Where too?”

He looks over at Rosa. “The Pony. I have some business to take care of.”

He’s never felt more relaxed putting his back to the bad man than he does when they drive out of the parking lot and set course for the Pony.

The car ride is quiet, something Alex is grateful for. It gives him a chance to rest some more, leaning back into the comfy seat of Rosa’s car and closing his eyes. He breathes deeply and evenly as he listens to Rosa’s ever present grumblings about traffic.

He nods off, just a little, waking again as he hears Rosa call Maria and tell them they’re coming. Good, he doesn’t need the hassle of scared Super’s today.

Which proves to be his famous last thought as they walk into the Pony and Cowboy is there. Frantic with worry. Alex watches him with a surprised look as he walks back and forth over the Pony floor, rambling to himself with his mask on, but hat off, not listening to a word Maria says. Maria meets his gaze with an exasperated look on her face, tilting her head slightly to where Influence, Electrobuzz and Kyle are arguing loudly amongst themselves. He watches them with an artificial detachment he wills into being. He can’t afford to care. Especially now that he has a job to do.

“Cowboy.” He speaks the word clearly, a bit louder than he usually would. He needs his attention.

He’s not expecting to get the attention of everyone. Even Liz appears from the back room, cursing up a storm when she sees his bruised face. And Liz cursing starts the rest of them, besides Maria who just watches him and Kyle who walks over to Alex and silently asks permission to check him out. Alex looks at him and Kyle backs away, knowing that it’ll have to wait. Their friendship might not be all good, but their communication still works perfectly.

“Stop!” Maria yells. Miraculously it works. “This is my bar, and this is Alex’s safe space. Let him fucking breathe.”

“DeLuca-”

“No,” Maria interrupts, sending a vicious look Cowboy’s way. Alex can’t help that a tiny particle of him appreciates the way she makes him flinch. “Alex, please let Kyle take you in the back and make sure you’re okay. Please.”

Alex watches her, the way they listen to her speak even as they shoot him glances and he’s so proud. So proud of her and the woman she’s become since her mother died, since she took over the Pony and started protecting the people that might need it the most and the least at the same time. Maria DeLuca is a savior, though he really hopes that one day she will let someone Rosa save her right back. No one deserves it more than her.

He nods at her, shooting Kyle a look as well before he walks towards the backroom. He can feel Cowboy watching him as he moves but he’ll worry about that later. Right now he needs to focus on something else.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” Kyle asks as he closes the door. Alex just shoots him a look. “I mean worse than anywhere else.”

“No.”

“How about your stomach?”

“No.”

“Your leg?”

“No.”

“Damnit, Alex!” Kyle yells, startling both of them. “Just… Just please answer me properly.”

Alex runs a hand through his hair, sighing deeply as he does. Time to treat Kyle like a doctor, and not an enemy. “My leg is fine, they didn’t touch it. Stomach is sore but seems fine. My head is killing me and my face is probably starting to get a real nice shiner. I’m fine, Kyle.”

“Only you would be kidnapped and beat up and say you’re fine,” Kyle mutters angrily and Alex can’t help but huff out a laugh. He has a point.

“You want me to apologize instead?”

“No. I just want you to stay safe.” Kyles gives him a look. “Within the range of safe at least.”

Alex rolls his eyes but doesn’t answer. Kyle knows him well enough to know that the Manes range of safety isn’t the same as everyone else's. Kyle snorts in derision at the eye roll but doesn’t say anything else either, preferring to finish looking Alex over in silence. Alex finds himself grateful for the familiarity and that they don’t need to talk. He might not have completely forgiven Kyle yet, but Kyle knowing what he needs and when to shut up helps. Maybe more than he thought it would, since it was Kyle opening his mouth that destroyed them the first time.

“Thank, Kyle,” he says, as Kyle moves back with a satisfied nod some minutes later.

“Any time,” Kyle replies as he packs away the nicely stocked first aid kit Maria has in the back room. “Want me to send in Cowboy?”

“No. I need to talk to Maria first.”

Kyle gives him a look of slight surprise, but nods before he goes through the door to the front of the pub. Alex waits until Maria joins him a minute later.

“You okay?” She asks, walking over to him and gently cupping his face in her hands. Her eyes are alight with worry, her frame tense in a way she usually isn’t.

“I’m fine, Maria. That was a necessary meeting.”

“Meeting? Alex, they kidnapped you!”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “But now I have an ally against my father.”

“Is that what this is about, your dad?” Maria asks.

“No. It’s about keeping them safe,” he answers, nodding towards the front of the bar. “Kyle, Liz, Rosa. Cowboy, your siblings. You.”

Maria huffs. “My secret siblings out there can take care of themselves, as can Cowboy, the rest of them and me. I’ve been the unofficial Super bar for years Alex, the police can’t take me down for shit.”

“They can if my rig is here. Especially if it’s in use.”

He sees it happen the second it dawns on her, the second she understands just why he’s calling it a meeting.

“You can’t do that. The last time you hacked you lost your leg,” she says with frightening calm. “If you do and your father finds out again you’ll lose your life!”

“I will. But this time I have the Russian mob at my back.”

She just stares at him, eyes wide and wild with indignation and a fair bit of the classical ‘are you crazy’ look. But there’s no question, she knows that he’s serious. She also knows she can’t talk him out of it, like she couldn’t the last time.

“You better be careful,” she says through clenched teeth when she finally does speak, marching over and laying a hard kiss on his forehead before she walks out without a word. Probably best, so neither of them starts to cry. Matia saw him at his worst after he lost his leg, he knows she has a right to be scared but he’ll be more careful this time. He has to be.

“Alex?” Cowboy asks as he walks through the door. He looks worried, scared even. “Can I come on?”

“Yeah, come in,” Alex replies. Cowboy comes in slowly. His hat and mask is on, but Alex doesn’t mind. He never minds, especially now that he has to do what he does.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replies. “The Russians are pretty pissed, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.

“Is this because-“

“No. It’s got nothing to do with you.”

Cowboy clearly doesn’t believe him, if the way he purses his lips is any indication. “Sure, I get stuck in their compound, you go in and use your name, and not two weeks later you get kidnapped and beaten up!”

“That was because-“

“And now you want to work with them? And hack for them when you lost your leg because of it the first time? How can you be so st-“

“Hey!” Alex interrupts. “You do not get to call me stupid, Cowboy. I got into trouble because of my dad, not because of you. It's my choice, not yours.”

He watches Cowboy bite his tongue, clenching his fists tightly in obvious annoyance. But he doesn’t say anything, breathing deeply for a few minutes before he relaxes his fists, his jaw following. Alex understands how he feels, he does, but Cowboy isn’t his keeper of any kind. He makes his own decisions.

“You don’t get to decide when you run around New York as a vigilante, protecting people left and right with no regards to yourself. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

He doesn’t expect Cowboy to kiss him. He just walks over, takes Alex’s face in his hands and kisses him. It’s sloppy, this side of too hard and feral, just a little bit painful to Alex’s bruised face. It’s perfect.

“Shit, I’m sorry. You’re hurt,” Cowboy says, pulling away.

Alex shakes his head, keeping him in place. “It’s perfect, please don't stop.”

Cowboy seems sceptical, but Alex doesn’t care. He pulls him back in, though he softens the kiss so it won’t hurt. Instead of hard it’s soft, instead of hurried it’s languid, instead of feral it’s tender. Painful turns way to heat, lazily curling up his spine and settling everywhere from his neck to his stomach. He sighs softly into the kiss, pulling Cowboy infinitely closer.

“Alex. As much as I love having your lips on mine, you’re hurt,” Cowboy says as he pulls back again. “And we both know Maria will kill us if we do anything in this backroom.”

Alex groans. “You pick now to be sensible?”

“I pick now to be scared of your best friend. I’m just… breaking. Not saying no.”

Alex sighs, nodding because he knows Cowboy is right. He also does have to remember that he doesn’t actually know who Cowboy is, yet.

“I need help, moving my rig back home. Will you help me?”

Cowboy gives him a long, hard look. It feels soul searching in many ways, but Alex endures it. For him. He’s admittedly surprised when Cowboy nods, but grateful.

———

He find another piece of paper hidden under his keyboard the next day, with the letter A.

[bronanlynch]

weekly-ish media roundup (I’ve really gotta pick a consistent day for these but unfortunately the days of the week have kind of lost meaning for me, the only time passing I’m aware of is when it’s my turn to cook dinner. it’s been that kind of whatever length of time, y’know?)

listening: since sea shanties are apparently the hot new trend, please appreciate my two favorite variations on Drunken Sailor: Drunken Whaler (from the Dishonored soundtrack), which I love for how incredibly creepy it is, both in sound and lyrics, and Drunk Space Pirate by The Mechanisms, which just absolutely fucking slaps, wow I love The Mechs (sidenote: this recording is from their last-ever liveshow, and I am personally very sad I got into them just too late to ever see them live). whenever I have Drunken Sailor stuck in my head it’s usually some awful mashup of all three versions like. what do we do with a drunk space pirate? feed him to the hungry rats for dinner!

reading: Drowned God by R.F. Kuang (short story about one of the characters of the Poppy War series, which is extremely good like. political intrigue military fantasy, except I know when I say that most people probably imagine some grimdark white dude bullshit but no! this is not that! this is really fucking good and everything the genre can and should be!) it’s a very good short story and it did make me very sad, and also gave me lots of feelings about, specifically, one of the best m/f ships I’ve ever been convinced to care about. love a school rivals to reluctant allies to battle couple to enemies to reluctant allies again to maybe lovers to enemies again. it’s very tasty.

also, The City Unbreachable by Yoon Ha Lee (from the f/f anthology Silk and Steel) which has some incredibly intriguing sci-fi worldbuilding about sentient spaceship-cities and the societies on them and the people who are bonded with them

watching: Rowan Ellis, a video essayist I vaguely follow, made a video about Black Sails, specifically comparing the endings of Black Sails and Game of Thrones to explain like. why the Game of Thrones ending didn’t work, which is a niche that appeals to my personal interests, because when the whole self-congratulatory “storytellers are the most important people ever actually please give us awards” speech in the GoT finale started I was like. you’re not Black Sails you didn’t earn this shut the fuck up. so it’s satisfying to see someone else with an actual platform make those same points.

I don’t agree with everything she says, obviously, because I am opinionated and contrary but I like the way she analyzes things and I do think she makes lots of good points and uses lots of good examples. however, I do find it kinda disappointing that literally everyone who talks about Black Sails in any kind of serious journalistic way talks down the first season. she doesn’t do it as much as most people but I think that season 1 is good and everyone is just unfairly comparing it to season 2, the best season of television ever created, so of course anything else isn’t gonna look great by comparison. like, I do dislike the sexual assault plotline but aside from that, it’s really good?? literally the first episode has the “civilization (derogatory) needs gossip because it reinforces shame” speech. the “and they called me a monster” Moment and Flint’s Odysseus monologue are both season 1! the Max/Eleanor relationship and breakup that underscore the main themes of the show is season 1! season 1 is really good!

playing: more Knife of Dunwall, to the surprise of absolutely no one. I think last time I did one of these I was still stuck in the first mission because turns out sabotaging a factory is hard if you don’t pay for the favor that turns off the alarms, which I didn’t because I spent all my money on sleepdarts and elixirs. I changed my mind about doing the sabotage because I kept getting spotted, but when I went back to find the capitalist who owned the factory so that I could uh. torture the information out of him because that’s the low chaos option apparently, the labor organizer who I’d rescued had killed him. thanks Abigale. you’re so valid but you made my life so much harder. my expert strategy for getting through that level is that you knock everyone out before you fuck with any of the valves, so that when the alarms go off there’s hardly anyone left awake to come after you. also, move all the bodies away from the valves so they don’t die in the explosion. if you still care about getting low chaos despite picking the incredibly high chaos option. which I do lol. but it paid off, I barely killed anyone, I’m still at low chaos, everything is fine except that Billie made fun of me for setting off the alarms because Knife of Dunwall is a game about being disrespected by your own daughter.

anyway. I’m partway through the second mission now so. we’ll see how that goes

making: one of my roommates and I made pierogi from scratch last night which Imo is a little too labor-intensive to be worth it considering that you can also just buy pre-made ones and all you have to do is fry them. but it’s a cool thing to have done.

the thing I actually want to talk about is the lasagna we made today, or like. more generally the red sauce I make from scratch whenever we do pasta with red sauce, because I do not care for store-bought marinara on account of chunks of tomato are not a good texture for me. all of the sauce recipes including the lasagna recipe say to add crushed and/or diced tomato, and one of my favorite things about adulthood is that if you don’t like something, you don’t have to cook with it! so I can ignore those parts of the recipes! I do not actually have a recipe for the sauce the way I make it because I strongly believe that herbs and spices and garlic are measured with the heart, but trust me when I say it fucking slaps.

there’s spinach in there so that we, as a household, eat our vegetables, and the meat is ground turkey because I can’t eat beef

writing: mostly, cover letters. also a few fics with deadlines that I can’t talk about much yet because they’re for events, and then I posted a fic for an exchange centered around women in various MXTX works, which is about soft domesticity and I thought turned out pretty well

[wackygoofball]

you once talked about the parallels between sigurd and jaime I have to point out hat sigurd is a dragonslayer who killed fafnir ( who was a dwarf who became a dragon after killing his own father fafnirAsked his father for gold. tyrion Asked his father for his inheritance (Casterly Rock). fafnir Murdered his father upon refusal. Tyrion Murdered his father in light of multiple grievances. tyrion will end up helping dany with her dragons and/or riding one so what if jaime kills tyrion

Hi megashadowdragon and thanks for the question.

I realized I didn’t meta in quite a while, but ohwell, real life calling and all.

First of all, I am impressed that you still rememberor found a way to dig up that comment I made… years ago. Anyway, I had to revisit my own post to check, butreally, the main intention of that post was to point out the many similarities thatcan be drawn between Jaime and Brienne and Sigurd and Brynhild, less so aboutmaking predictions about how those similarities may foretell the outcome of thestory. I hope that this came across and that I didn’t make it seem like I wasfirmly believing in Jaime and Brienne fulfilling the Sigurd/Brynhild saga frombeginning to end.

After all, GRRM uses tropes and themes rather thancopying word-for-word the narrative upshots of the story he takes from. Like,JB builds on the Beauty and the Beast trope in order to subvert it, but thatdoesn’t mean it’s going exactly congruent to the original tale in terms oftrajectory (I can’t seem to recall zombie!Cat to have been amongst the ensembleof Beauty and the Beast, LOL). So Itry to be cautious when it comes to making predictions based on mythologyparallels I can spot in a narrative. After all, GRRM mixed in a lot of mythology, Norse mythology *atlarge* being the first idea that comes to my mind, wherein Jaime fits multiplecharacters. Like, you can easily parallel Jaime with Norse gods like Tyr, amongothers. Or Christian mythology with the Jacob parallels. So… I am very carefulon that territory, which is why I dare not predict future outcomes based onother story’s equivalents. It’s far too tempting to just go down the rabbithole because every story parallel you choose will give you a potentiallydifferent outcome based on the trajectory of the story itself. I am much moresold on the BatB trope and trajectory because a) GRRM has affirmed that hebased JB on that trope, and b) tropes are not the same as following a storyfrom beginning to end along the exact same lines.

However, as you rightly point out, there are greatparallels to be drawn between Tyrion and Fafnir, both taking part in patricideand developing a certain greed (hence the dwarf turning into a serpent as they aresymbols for greed) for gold, which again plays well into the Lannister gold andred theme. And I am thankful that you brought it to my attention because – alsodue to my clear JB focus – did not even think about how Tyrion very well fitsinto the Volsunga Saga in that regard, and it may well be that GRRM drewinspiration from Fafnir when creating Tyrion’s character.

Yet, strictly following that analogy (for the sakeof the argument here), Regin is the brother of Fafnir who orders for hiskilling and enlists someone else to do it (Sigurd). Now of course, we caneither substitute Regin for someone to fill into that role and order Jaime todo it or we cut out the middleman for the sake of maintaining that parallel.  

But anyway, perhaps we ought to see it not so strictin terms of how the characters are related and more in terms of what they doinstead. Again, the trajectory for Tyrion maps neatly on Fafnir, as you assert,even more so in the books wherein he has embarked on a much darker route thanin the show (I won’t dig too deeply into the matter as my knowledge remainslimited on book!Tyrion, not having read those chapters in their entirety justyet).

Though that in itself should be telling, I think, withregards to Tyrion’s outcome in the overall series. I think the general themewill be that most characters will move into a gray area in terms of morality(safe for the clear villains that we have… like, Euron won’t become a graycharacter, Cersei won’t either, I daresay). Characters like Jaime are movingtowards the lighter spots whereas supposed heroes have become/are becomingmorally corrupted or at the very least tested in their morality and balancingit with the need to maybe do acts of dishonor for the sake of the people atlarge. The show did away with the dark tidbits of book!Tyrion’s journey why? We will only know once the finalseason airs, of course, but as others have put forward before me (and far moreeloquently than I do here), it may well be that show!Tyrion will move into moremoral grayness towards the end, whereas book!Tyrion may well get a redemptivemoment of some kind to move him back towards gray.

I tend to think that the show wants to link Tyrion’shaving to make tough choices between his family (Jaime) and the woman of nametitles to the grayness of his character. This has already been party exploredin season 7 wherein Tyrion was kind of hoping for Jaime not to be offed byHighgarden and looking completely devastated when he had to see what the womanwith many titles could do with a flying nuke and a bunch of Dothraki in an openfield. It was surely not without purpose that a) she questioned his loyalties beforeand after that and that b) Tyrion looked so clearly devastated and was made tobear witness of the apparent horror that the woman he chose as the one he meansto support can cause to see the overall goal of her ascending to the IronThrone being achieved. They also could have chosen to have Tyrion stay atDragonstone to await the news, but the fact that he bore witness to both thehavoc a dragon can cause on a battlefield plus the barbecuing of the Tarlys wassurely not without purpose. Which was now a long way of saying that I wouldn’tfind it farfetched if his loyalties were to become ultimately tested in season8, and further, that he will ultimately have to choose between his brother andthe mother of nukes.

While characters are supposedly uniting for thegreater purpose of fighting against the White Walkers now, I am by no meansconvinced that this is smooth transition from war to the Star.garyenRestoration Period towards the end of the series, which is to say that it maywell be that we are headed for conflict among the factions and that maincharacters who offered their support last season may still find their loyaltiesquestioned in their wish to seek power and may or may not ditch the groupeffort at least for a certain amount of time. Now, I don’t want to dig intothat whole matter because that is something people have sent plenty about and Ihonestly can’t be bothered too much about either the fandom-favorite theoriesregarding the restoration period or the hype of the characters mostlyassociated with said theories. I don’t discount their overall importance to thenarrative, I am just saying that I personally have zero shits to give besidethe plot purpose they fulfill for the overall narrative, but I have no personalinvestment in the lady with many names beyond her arc contributing to theoverall series.

But I derailed now again, sorry, I suppose I justwanted to position myself so that I don’t then get questions about a character Iam not invested in and don’t want to be bothered to bash on because, really, Ijust don’t care. The point I was heading for but kind of got away from is thatI am not entirely sure whether Tyrion *will* remain Team Lady of Many Names bythe end of the series. The fact that Tyrion’s and Jaime’s conflict has not beenwholly resolved just yet (while they wereon friendlier terms again, Tyrion did only so much as dodge the big questionsstill standing between the two – namely the consequences of his killing Tywinthat had direct impact on people Tyrion did not intend to harm with that, e.g.Jaime, Tommen, etc., for his own purposes of getting revenge on his father andI think the narrative set it up in such a way that when they met again for thefirst time in the vaults of the Red Keep that it was meant to show that Tyrionwas giving Jaime the same old argument as always instead of owning up to it)has me sold on the idea that something else is still coming with regards to thequestion of where his loyalties will eventually lie.

Now, to come back to the Volsunga Saga and theparallels to GoT/ASoIaF: I would also suggest another thought experiment justto explore the many ways of looking at it: Trade in Fafnir for the woman ofmany names (undeniable, the dragon connection is strong with her… and while sheis certainly no dwarf… she is not exceptionally tall, LOL, but now I digressfor sure). She had Khal Drogo kill Viserys with gold (hence, arguably, substituting Hreidmar, the father of Reginand Fafnir, for it), hence also having the gold aspect on her side and the ideaof greed being potentially subsumed in her ongoing quest for power even aftershe achieved to establish herself as Boss in Essos. Now fast-forward to (forthe show here) season 7 and Spoils of Warand have Sigurd (Jaime) go up against Fafnir (the woman of many names) afterreceiving orders from Regin who wants to see Fafnir gone (Cersei). Yet again,gold also plays a large role, and while Jaime is not successful in killing her,he was definitely going for it right there.

So, you see, I think that you can spin this manydifferent ways (which is the wonderful thing about literary analysis that Ilove so very much) and arrive at similar results. It neatly fits with GRRM’smode of paralleling and mirror characters. So the woman of many names does wellfit Fafnir the same way you can find reasons to see Tyrion being paralleledwith the serpent/dragon.

Now, to go back to the suggestion that Jaime may killTyrion… within the narrative, I just fail to see how he would pose such a*threat* that would make it necessary for Jaime to kill him. Tyrion… is only asdangerous as is the power he is granted. If Tyrion were to go completely rogue,hotwire a dragon and ride it into battle against his brother et al., then thatwould require some… serious turnaround and it would still make the dragon the more immediate threat to get outof the way.

Now, he could use wildfire to trigger Jaime into goingagainst Tyrion and make an attempt on his life, but I have my doubts regardingthe matter. I think wildfire will be vital to the plot in defeating the WhiteWalkers, and that it won’t be only limited to being at Cersei’s disposal,because let’s be real, it kind of loses effect and is in itself a gun she issitting on, waiting to be fired. And while Jaime will certainly be triggered byit, I think it makes much more sense for him to either then help evacuate thecity or help set up the trap for the White Walkers to walk into, seeing thenecessity. Now, if we spin this into the woman of many names going rogue andwanting to torch the capitol to thus blow shit up in red and green, then Jaimewould still have more incentive to be mad at her than at Tyrion.

If we spin it in such a way that Tyrion commits utterbetrayal towards Jaime a second time and Jaime found himself in a position ofauthority in the post-war times, then this would come close to Jaime having tosentence Tyrion to death, which I don’t really see happening, to be honest. Atleast I can’t come up with scenarios that would map with what we have been setup for in terms of character development over the past few seasons. While Jaimesaid that he would kill him, he evidently did not whenever he had a chance forit (if he was serious, he could have offed Tyrion in that vault with even justone hand and a tourney sword). Because just as evidently, Jaime loves hisbrother still, which made Tyrion’s betrayal burn ever the harder for Jaime, butthe more organic conclusion to such a conflict is that they talk it out or that Tyrion makes good onhis promise of when Jaime freed him from the prison where he said that he owedJaime his life, which makes him indebted to Jaime.

So I can actually see self-sacrifice to a certainextent far more prominently being one possible upshot of Tyrion’s arc than himgoing rogue on a dragon to require Jaime to slay his own brother instead ofhaving Jaime go through the motions of committing an additional act ofkinslaying. Generally speaking, I just don’t see Jaime offing any more of hisfamily members (and yes, that includes Cersei, the whole valonqar thing beingJaime and then going into suicide for *reasons* is nothing I am getting behind,but yet again, I digress and, yet again, I think people have written enoughabout that by now, so I would much rather focus on literally anything else). Because it would be sovery repetitive for Jaime and the Lannister clan at large. Cersei killed Lanceland Kevan and the in-laws Margaery, Loras, Mace… and kind of gave rise toTommen’s fall by making him watch that shit show *ahem*… Tyrion killed Tywin. Jaime(at least for the show… for *reasons*) killed a cousin and in-law Olenna uponCersei’s order. Like, honest to the Seven above, I don’t see the Lannistersdoing any more internal family murder. I think another family can well take aturn now.

So… to somehow tie those loose threads of thought togetherthat I have been spewing out now, anon… I think the parallel of Fafnir andTyrion most definitely fits, and I think there is a lot to be said about thesymbolism and even potential trajectory of the overall story, especially if youlook at book!Tyrion and his dark journey which neatly maps on Fafnir’s fallingfor the gold/greed. However, such analysis only ever takes us so and so farbecause, as I hope to have highlighted, we can recreate similar parallels byexchanging the players and it still matches. Because that just correlates withGRRM’s way of writing, which heavily builds on involving themes andpre-existing tropes, mythology, and narratives. That doesn’t mean we can takeone narrative and go to the end to determine future outcomes for GRRM’scharacters, though. It may well be that it will turn out eventually to be truefor one case, but at this point of time, it is simply too hard to guess whichone he may pick or subvert or abandon.

Though more on a sidenote, I will say that I would notfind it entirely unlikely if Tyrion ended up riding a dragon, as you pointed toin your ask. In fact, I would find that muchbetter than Jesus I mean King in the North riding one because Tyrion has builtup a significant relationship with those scaly nukes and I would much rathersee the dragons being okay with being ridden by a guy they learned to trustthan one that has the right Targ smell to him. But then again, I think dragonsare dicks, so maybe that is why they are more sold on the King in the North orthey just really want their mom to bang her nephew… so, who knows?

Now, speaking more in terms of *just* the show/books,I don’t think Jaime will kill Tyrion because I just don’t see where they would getthe conflict if the show has already hinted at it that there is more things toconnect them than keep them apart. If the woman of many names is supposed to bethe reason why, then Jaime should direct his anger towards *her* rather thanTyrion, and I do think that Jaime canmake that kind of rational decision, even with all those feelings involved. Thenarrative would have to make some true 180° to go back to where we basicallywere in season 5 to have Jaime be again all “I will murder him first chance Isee him.” And all atrocities I can come up that may trigger Jaime would almostalways relate to the woman of many names instead of his brother.

So, in sum: Tyrion and Fafnir parallels are awesome and I am grateful that you brought it to my attention because I missed the connection before. Ithink Jaime and Tyrion will pull themselves back together. I hope that Tyriongets to ride a dragon to prove that you don’t have to smell of Targ in order toearn yourself a ride on a nuke. And I most certainly hope that Jaime’s andBrienne’s narrative will end on an entirely different note than that of Sigurdand Brynhild because I remain sold on the idea that they are, against whatseems to be commonly believed by many people, headed towards a happier endingthan most will have in mind. Naturally, I may be totally proven wrong on thematter, but for now I reserve for myself the luxury of being in the hiatus ofsweet, sweet oblivion, wherein I can imagine all kinds of scenarios where Jaimeand Brienne live happily ever after, to finally get started on the Braime Bunch™,and that if Tyrion is meant to live till the end of the series, will spend his daysin good companionship with his brother.

*flies away*

[queen-of-the-crows]

11 Questions Tag

Okay so I was tagged by like 5 different people and I'm just gonna answer all in one post cause that's the easiest way to do it. Huge thank you to all my loves who tagged me in this @annorarutherford @heraldofwho @sassylavellen @enchantment1385 (twice :P) @elevanetheirin :)

Buckle up cause this is gonna be a long ride!

@annorarutherford questions

1. Biggest fear? Feeling like I've done nothing with my life and that I've been a failure

2. Favorite flower/plant? I'm not a nature person, that's just not my thing but a black rose

3. Are you close to your family? Sorta, some of them anyway, depends on alot honestly

4. Your deepest wish? Not to be rich but to be able to pay all my bills and still have a good amount of money left over to save and buy fun stuff

5. What's something that always calms you? No one thing always works, it depends on why I'm not calm. Video games work often, some times reading, sometimes writing, sometimes drinking

6. Some movies you love? Love this question! Jaws, Jurassic Park series, Alien series, Beauty and the Beast, Dracula, The Crow, and many others

7. Guilty pleasure song? I'm not really ashamed of anything I listen to but alot of people judge me for loving Fall Out Boy so I'll say anything by them, I have an entire playlist

8. Favorite weird smell? Professional hair color, I fucking love it. Also the green soap they use in tattoo shops

9. Game that has changed your life and how? Dragon Age. It introduced me to my love of gaming and are me fall in love with Thedas and the characters

10. Someone(s) on Tumblr you really admire/like? All my usual lovelies of course @annorarutherford @a-shakespearean-in-paris @sassylavellen @enchantment1385 @aban-asaara @heraldofwho also love seeing posts from @jawsandbones @andrastini @fyeahfenrisxfhawke @laraslandlockedblues @nevertrustamage and others

11. Worst personality traits someone can have? Always down on themselves, put down everyone around them, bad hygiene! (Not a personality trait but seriously bathe), being insanely cocky and thinking they can get whoever they want

@heraldofwho questions

1. When you get butterflies in your stomach what color are they? Blues and purples

2. If spiders could talk what would their voices sound like? I think they'd sound alot like Flemeth

3. How do you like your coffee or tea? In the trash lol I hate them both

4. If you could learn any language instantly, which one would you choose? Oh man, there's so many cool ones. Probably Russian, I love the sound of it

5. If they made a DA/ME film or series about YOUR protagonist- which OC would you choose and who should play them? Oh shit, I love them all so much!!! Probably Clea cause I think her and Zevran's story would be the most interesting. I would cast Megan Fox as Clea, she's my face claim for her and she plays a pretty good badass.

6. What change the nature of a person? Anything really depending on the person, death seems to be a big one, break ups, being broken

7. What musical instrument do you play? What instrument would you like to learn? I play piano and I sing. I'd like to have a piano so I can practice more but I wanna learn guitar also

8. Pick any aspect of your life or personality and choose a theme song for it. You Call Me A Bitch Like Its A Bad Thing by Halestorm because I'm very much fuck you and your opinions of me, i don't find being called a bitch insulting

9. Can you cook or bake? What's your speciality? I love baking and I can cook too. Cakes are my favorite thing to make

10. Got any dead crushes? Heath Ledger, Brandon Lee, Paul Walker, and Gary Oldman (I mean him in Dracula is to die for)

11. What is your quirkiest hobby or interest? I don't have many so probably writing fanfic

@sassylavellen questions

1. Do you have a favorite soundtrack from a movie or video game? Oh yes, Queen of the Damned. Best soundtrack ever created

2. What was the first video game you remember playing? Either Super Smash Bros or Mario Kart way back on Game Cube

3. If you could have any kind of food right now what would it be? Chocolate cake or Panda Express, maybe both

4. Are you a good cook? Oh yes

5. Do you have or want any exotic pets? I would love to have an iguana. Snakes are cool too

6. What fictional character would you love to be friends with? Oh so many, strictly friends with no somatic interest: Dorian, Varric, Cassandra, Shale, Charlie from Supernatural, The Doctor, Lisbeth Salandar, and Scout Harding

7. If you could have any superpower what would it be? Telekinesis and mind control

8. What movie could you watch and enjoy every single time? So many. Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, and Big Hero 6 are probably my tops though

9. Favorite color combinations? Black crimson and white, black grey and blue, black and deep purple, basically dark combinations

10. When you play games do you use armor sets that have good stats but looks bad or armor that looks good with bad stats? Definitely looks good with bad stats but I keep the ugly with good stats to change into for particularly challenging encounters. I love the story aspect of games and put so much time into my characters I like them to look good

11. Favorite genre of music? Rock and metal. KoRn and Rob Zombie are my absolute favorites if that helps explain it

@enchantment1385 first set of questions

1. Favorite fandom and why? Dragon Age. Best game series ever, the characters, the play through, the environment, the choices, the romance. And the people I interact with here are amazing

2. What's your Pokemon team? I played Black 2 so my favorite team was Zoroark, Arcanine, Banette, Lapras, Hydreigon, and Virizion

3. Favorite team in Dragon Age or Mass Effect? Depends on my class honestly but my favorite is dual weapon rogue so I'll answer for that. Origins- Alistair, Morrigan, either Shale or Zevran. DA2- Fenris, Aveline, either Varric or Anders or Merrill. Inquisition- Cassandra, Dorian, either Cole or Iron Bull

4. Favorite nonBioware game? Dishonored

5. OTP? Alistair and Cousland, Zevran and Mahariel, Fenris and Hawke, Cullen and Lavellan. None DA OTPs Mulder and Scully, Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner, Emma Swan and Captain Hook, Rose Tyler and the 10th Doctor

6. What is your guilty pleasure? I really don't have one that I know. Reading smutty fan fic maybe?

7. A food you can't get enough of? Cheese pizza, mac and cheese, spaghetti

8. What can you see right now? I'm in class so classroom stuff

9. Something I don't know about you? Alot. I'm coloring my hair white, I have a huge Fenris and femhawke in progress back piece, I'm in cosmetology school, I have a tattoo appointment with Sarah Miller

10. Most loved OC and why? As hard as it to choose between all my loves, I choose Clea. She's the most like me or rather I see the most of myself in her and that was an accident. I love her attitude, her sarcasm, her badassness, her relationship with Zevran, her goals, how she carries herself and how she just is.

11. What song is stuck in your head right now? Hold Me Tight Or Don't by Fall Out Boy

@enchantment1385 second set of questions

1. What does your name mean? Do you think the meaning is anything like you? Like our usernames? Queen of the Crows is a reference to Clea who takes over the Antivan Crows with Zevran and they do some reforming of the guild. She's one of the leaders so she's the queen of the Antivan Crows, hence queen of the Crows. Is that anything like me? Well I mean she's my OC and I'm alot like her so I would hope to be that badass if I was in Thedas.

2. First celebrity crush? Max Thieriot, he's still good looking too

3. If you could live in one fictional world, which one would you choose and why? Come on love, guess :P lol definitely Thedas. Learn archery and dual wield, find one of my favorite romances and fall in love. Oh yes! Second choice would be Westoros provided I could be with Jon Snow of course

4. Why did the chicken cross the road? His life bored him and he needed change

5. You can have one superpower, what do you choose? Answered this already but since this says only 1 I choose telekinesis

6. Biggest pet peeve? When people can't do simple things

7. 1 fictional character you would meet for a day if you could? Hmmmm I wanna meet alot. If I only have a day I think I'd choose Iron Bull, I'd be in for an adventure all day

8. First game you ever completed? Dishonored

9. Which class in game do you enjoy playing the most? Definitely rogue. Idk what it is but I love rogues especially dual weapon although I've recently gotten into playing archery as well

10. Favorite fictional villain and why? I love Maleficient. She turns into a fucking Dragon and is bitter for not being invited to a party. And the movie really goes into depth about how she became how she was and it shows that good people can be broken so badly they become bitter heartless and evil

11. Creepiest experience? I'm not really sure, I try to avoid that sort of thing. I've been hit on by creepy weirdos though

@elevanetheirin questions

1. Coffee or tea? I hate them both. I'm a soda junkie though and love energy drinks

2. What is your favorite book or book series? I have a few. Dracula (this is my all time favorite), A Song of Ice and Fire by George R R Martin (aka GoT series), Millennium series by Stieg Larsson (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and The Meg series by Steve Alten

3. Do you have a hidden talent? Most people don't know I can play piano

4. Who is your favorite author? George R R Martin, Steve Alten, Michael Crichton, Ellen Hopkins, Stieg Larsson

5. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip, I know I'm boring

6. Brotp? Varric and Hawke, Sara Lance and Mick Rory, Meredith Grey and Alex Kerev, Sherlock and Watson, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner

7. Did you have a nickname in school? I've never really had a nickname ever. My love in high school called me his muse cause he's an artist. Lots of classmates called me that weird goth girl cause I was always quiet, very smart, read for fun, and was goth.

8. Do you have resting bitch face? Oh fuck yes I do haha I love it though

9. What makes you smile? Alot. My stupid cats, my boyfriend, my favorite shows and movies, funny gaming videos, video games, reading, SLEEP, FOOD

10. What one thing do you like most about yourself? The fact that I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about me. Looks wise probably my eyes

11. The best part of your day yesterday? Getting paid so I had money for chicken nuggets

Finished them all!!!! My 11 questions

1. If you could switch places with one fictional character who would it be and why? (Besides your OCs)

2. If you could choose one fictional character to be your love interest forever who would it be and why?

3. Least favorite video game you've ever played?

4. How did you get introduced into the Dragon Age fandom?

5. Which of your OCs is the most like you and how?

6. If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life which one would you choose?

7. One tattoo you plan on getting someday?

8. Xbox, PlayStation, or PC?

9. Do you have any exes you would take back if they ever asked?

10. Favorite quest in the Dragon Age series?

11. Favorite ship or OTP?

I'm not tagging anyone cause most you already tagged me but if you wanna answer my questions then go for it!

[stompsite]

Can Violence Be Okay?

As some of you know, I’m basically gonna die real soon unless I can get heart surgery, but that’s expensive. I make money by writing essays about games. If you like my work, please share it around, because personally, I’d like to keep on living. If you wanna support me, I’ve got patreon, ko-fi, and a critically acclaimed game out. I’m also looking for work as a designer or writer, so if you know of anything, let me know, please? I’ve worked on well over a dozen AAA and indie games doing everything from emergency script rewrites to helping devs improve their investment loops. I’ve put a lot of time into the 29 years of my life so far, and I’d like it to pay off, lol. But seriously, my mortality is distressing, so if you know how I can get my heart fixed and put a roof over my head, I want to hear from you! 

Dishonored 2 is one of my favorite games. I’ve written about it at length before. I’ve talked about some of my problems with the game (doing the right thing in D2 feels like an easy choice compared to D1), but I mean, man, I still love it. When it first dropped, though? Man. I had A Problem with it.

Dishonored 2 was so good until I got to the end and got an ending that didn’t match up with my feeling of where I was at when playing the game. There I was, being the best Corvo I could be, running around trying to save my daughter Emily, realizing how bad things had got in Karnaca while I’d been away, and wanting to do my best to keep everyone safe and improve the empire.

At the end, the game told me that Corvo ruled the islands with an iron fist. What had happened? Why was it doing this to me? I didn’t ghost every level, but I certainly approached things non-lethally where I could.

Turns out that the game doesn’t like it when you kill monsters.

I mean, sure, if you kill, like, a rat, the game doesn’t seem to care, but if you kill a witch, the game gets mad. Apparently, the game considers witches to be people. I did not--I felt the game had led me to believe that witches weren’t actually people. So when I made the choice to kill them, the game saw it as Corvo choosing the path of violence… but that’s not the decision I made.

Let’s rewind a bit.

One of my favorite story archetypes is about people without power who, through cleverness, ingenuity, and grit, overcome those with power. It’s not just about being an underdog, it’s about being underestimated, devalued, even downright abused. It’s about the defiance that comes with that, and overcoming the expectations someone has.

I don’t know exactly why, but I’ve always liked these kinds of stories. It frustrated me to watch my wealthier peers pick on the poorer ones. It insulted me when I was essentially told “wow, it’s remarkable that you’re so intelligent for someone so poor” after I won a scholarship. I had to protect two disabled students from one of the richer students in school because he wanted something they had and they didn’t want to give it to him. I have watched people with power hurt and abuse those without. Heck, I’ve been at the mercy of people more powerful than me before. I don’t like that. When I can tell someone’s struggling with the power dynamics of a group, I do my best to help them feel more comfortable in that space.

One thing I liked about the first Dishonored game is that the Empress, Jessamine, is portrayed as a good person who wanted to do right by her people, but she was actively sabotaged, and eventually murdered, by the nobles whose power she threatened. That kind of story is alluring to me; getting justice for Jessamine and delivering Dunwall from the powerful, punching up like that… that’s awesome as heck.

It was kinda weird when Dishonored 2 shows up and indicates that maybe Dunwall didn’t actually improve that much after the nobility was killed off/not killed off (I was mostly nonlethal the first time). D2 never really confronts this head on, at least that I can recall. Instead, it feels like two different stories. There’s the personal story of “someone hurt your family and took your home and you should take it back,” and then there’s the idea of “you’re fighting for justice for people who are downtrodden by the people who took your home.”

These are both great, but after the fact, it did seem kinda strange that Corvo, literally the dad of the Emperor, as upper-class as you can get, is playing the part of the underdog (or Emily herself, who I haven’t played because I wanted to hear Stephen Russell’s voice again). Like, there’s this implication that he and Emily haven’t really fixed anything at all and maybe kinda betrayed Jessamine’s legacy with that? I dunno. It’s really the only criticism I have of Dishonored 2 anymore, and I mean, the game’s still a 10/10 for me. It’s one of the only games that can grab hold of my attention and actually distract me from the pain I’m in.

Arkane has done such an amazing job with their games; I get to be someone else for a while. I can block out the health problems for a while and just fall into another space and experience relief from my awful life. I will never be able to thank everyone there for making such pure and wonderful games.

So Dishonored 2 has this kinda odd relationship with privilege and power and how it contextualizes its protagonists, but then along came Death of the Outsider, which solved this problem by letting you play as Billie Lurk, who, for my money, is the best protagonist in Dishonored history. I love playing as Billie. I love that she’s not an upper class person, just a normal person with cool tools and powers.

Anywho, back to the violence.

So, one thing I love about Arkane games is that they have amazing gamefeel. It’s like saying a drink is smooth, right? Like, it just feels right. I’ve never played an Arkane game that felt bad (maybe Arx Fatalis does, but I’ve never played it!), and I feel like, with every successive release, they only get better at making great gamefeel. Buuuuuuttt… it feels like since Dishonored, every Arkane game is a test. You can’t just do what feels good; you’re taking a test.

When the witches came along, I’m not gonna lie, it felt good to let loose. They’re just as powerful as I am, so it’s not like it’s an uneven playing field.

But… that wasn’t my first reaction. I’d encountered the witches before in The Knife of Dunwall and The Witches of Brigmore, and they’re portrayed in those games as unequivocally bad. Still, for Dishonored 2, I was trying to play stealthy and nonlethally, so I decided to knock them out at first. When I found out I could take their powers in one mission, I decided to try that, and then figured that when Corvo stopped Delilah, he’d probably arrest them or something.

Then, an unfortunate bug occurred (kudos to Arkane for fixing it really quickly! I think they had it solved in a couple days or something amazing like that) where some of the witches were dying when I was trying to render them unconscious. I couldn’t get the nonlethal option to work.

But I wasn’t that concerned, because I felt the witches needed to be killed.

Why?

Because they’re horrible, and I think they seem closer to Vampires--supernatural monsters--than people. 

I mean, listen to their dialogue. Look at what they do to the people they kill. They even backstab each other--one of their idle dialogues is about stealing from another. Another is about brushing her sister’s hair so she can gain trust and then stab her sister in the throat. The witches are hostile too--it’s not possible to approach them peacefully. They react to you like you’ve just invaded their vampiric crypt.

The mechanics don’t really leave room for interacting with them sympathetically; there’s no chance to talk to them, work with them, or anything. You can knock them unconscious, but it feels weird, even unconscionable to do that to people who are talking about stabbing each other in the throat.

I’m okay with knocking someone out when the heart says something like “He wasn't always like this. One of his works still hangs in a museum,” or “If he looks sad, it is because he mourns the child he lost,” but I had to look up a list of the heart’s lines about the witches because I couldn’t think of a time when the heart ever said anything good about a single one of the witches.

So, they have magical powers, want to do nothing but kill us, and they’re even happy to kill each other too. Read some of the notes--it’s indicated that they’re sadists. They take delight in killing anyone and everyone. The environmental storytelling seems to indicate the same thing; nothing good comes of a witch’s presence.

When I first did my quick gut-reaction post about Dishonored 2, I fumbled to articulate why Delilah bugged me. I felt like the game tried to excuse her at every turn. She had a bad life. She was a bastard child and treated poorly. Given my propensity for liking underdogs who were underestimated and mistreated, you might think I’d like her too. But I saw what she did. I saw what she’d chosen to become.

Many of the witches are contextualized in this way. I think the actual target of the museum mission--sorry, I’ve forgotten her name, it was 18 months ago--has this whole long backstory about being a rich lady who was going to get married off to a man she didn’t love who was kind of a shitty person anyways.

In reading all of the lines in the game that the heart has for witches, most of them are about enjoying drinking blood, murdering families, and abusing children. One woman struggles to remember the person she was before, but that reminds me more of a vampire’s thrall than anything else, and the game never does anything with that. No “please, I don’t want to do this,” or anything.

They became witches, and are now visiting a far greater violence upon the Empire. As one of my friends pointed out--and I’m inclined to agree--the Empire kind of deserves it, at least in Dishonored 2. It’s not a good society. I mean, it’s weirdly forward thinking in some ways, right? Like literally all of the romantic fiction I’ve encountered in the universe is LGBT stuff. But then in other ways it’s a mirror of the 19th Century British Empire, abusing people and nature in equal measure. Like I said, Jessamine seemed to be trying to fix those things, but she died, and Dishonored 2 indicates that Emily shirked her responsibilities to be a better Empress.

But.

I mean.

Literally all of the heart dialogue we have for them paints them as bad people. The nicest person we have is one who despairs because it’s easier to hurt people with each passing month.

One of my friends has argued that these were all women who were mistreated or whatever, but the heart doesn’t tell us about that. It isn’t saying “her husband used to beat her, so she relishes the power she has” or anything. None of these lines speak to a culture of misogynistic violence. Instead, we have a woman who “spent a month killing those who had slighted her.”

Slighted.

Not abused, beat, hurt. Slighted.

There is, as far as I’ve seen, precisely one person who was a victim: “Beaten and abused, she was barely sane when she heard the coven's call. Now she does the same to others, wielding her power like a barbed whip.”

I’ve been abused. It’s not something I like to talk about at length, but I was molested by an adult male (thankfully not my parents!) at the age of 11. I was abused by an ex who wanted to destroy me the way her mother had destroyed her, and those actions included gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and a ton of other things I don’t really want to talk about. I’ve been physically and emotionally abused for my genetic shortcomings.

I learned, a very long time ago, that almost all abuse comes from people who were abused. I’ve met people who are very angry, and I’ve heard people say “ah, well, it’s okay for them to lash out, because they were abused, so it’s only natural.” Heck, I’ve been one of the people who lashed out. It was only an emotional outburst, but it remains one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I will never stop regretting it.

I understand wanting justice. I understand wanting someone to hurt for what they did to you. I still have nightmares I don’t talk about. I’ve sat with friends who’ve had it so much worse than me and done everything in my power to give them what comfort I can.

But the witches are different. They chose power. And they chose vengeance. Should we justify that? Would I be justified if I started murdering everyone who looked or seemed like the people who had wronged me? Does anything excuse the murder of a bunch of academics in a Karnacan museum? The witches speak with sadistic dialogue. One of the notes left behind by someone trying to hide in the game’s final level makes it abundantly clear that their behaviors are monstrous.

So. Uh.

Look at Gary Oldman’s Dracula.

Dracula’s whole thing is actually super sad, right? Like, the love of his life died while he was out fighting bad dudes. She was tricked into committing suicide, so he renounces God and gets cursed into becoming a monster. His origins are tragic. It’s unfair what happened to him. But I mean, he still murders people and stuff. Dude’s gotta get stabbed in the heart. Sure, it’s cool that his wife got reincarnated as Mina Harker and all, but his whole kidnapping her and trying to turn her into one of his thralls is still bad.

The reason that killing Dracula is good is because Dracula has power and he is a monster. These witches have power and they are monsters. They hurt people--not just the ones who deserve it, but the ones who don’t. In the Brigmore witches, it sure as heck appears to be that they’re preying on the poor. It’s not like they’re out there fighting a revolutionary war against the nobility, and that their magical powers tip the scale. No, they’re killing everyone, even like… public works dudes. It’s an indiscriminate process. They’re killing people they don’t even know.

What makes them not monsters? They have power, and they use that power with cruelty. Dishonored’s world is not a good one to live in, but there is nothing the heart has for us that says that these women were victims. In many cases, they were perpetrators before they got their powers.

Corvo may be kind of a shitty ruler, by seeing a ton of problems during the time of Dishonored 1 and not addressing them leading up to Dishonored 2, but he’s one of the only people who can actually fight a witch; I think the only people actually capable of fighting them are the creepy religious zealots who enjoy torturing people for fun (why didn’t Corvo shut that down?).

So I was thinking about all of this when I killed the witches. They weren’t human anymore. They were indiscriminately murdering anyone who stopped them. Their leader, Delilah, had been portrayed in two stories already as a monster, and while her backstory was tragic, she took that tragedy and used it to excuse being a murderous monster, who ruined the lives of everyone she met, regardless of who they were.

I would have had a much harder time squaring off against a witch who was using her powers to put a stop to her abuser. Like, I, personally, would probably not hunt down the man who hurt me as a kid and put a sledgehammer through his brains, but I mean, in a game, if a witch went to murder a man who molested her, I definitely would be treating her like a person.

These witches, I felt, after listening to them talk, listening to the heart, and watching them act so casually around the bodies of the people they murdered, weren’t out for justice. They weren’t trying to fight back against an oppressive and cruel society. They were monsters. When a witch is wandering around talking about going for a swim later or wondering how the new girl’s doing, it might seem fine, but to be so casual as she walks past a pile of bodies… that’s monstrous. Murder is not a casual act.

Corvo (or Emily, if you played as her) is the only person who can stop the witches, even if you reject the Outsider’s gifts and play without any powers at all. They outclass everyone else, and they kill for the thrill. Someone has to stop them. It’s urgent.

A friend of mine got really upset with me for killing the witches. He said that these were women who’d been mistreated and society deserved to burn. But I mean… if you’re a random guy in a library, are you gonna be able to stop a squad of guards who throw innocent people in prison, kill people’s dogs for meat to sell, or murder innocent people? What about a groundskeeper? What can he do?

The game does not, as far as I can tell, back up the assertion that the witches were victims given power. There is no justice--they’re psychopaths who tortured children and animals, who murdered families, who relish in the carnage. The few women seen as good are losing those memories. Their existence as witches is a tragic one at best, and they’re so reminiscent of horror characters who lose themselves through possession or vampirism that I don’t know how to justify refusing to stop them.

A cop once told me about how he fought a man on PCP. The man had beaten his partner unconscious and was trying to choke him to death. Apparently this huge guy didn’t even feel their tazers and they weren’t supposed to shoot him. This cop ended up in a knock-down, drag out brawl with a man who wasn’t feeling any pain. He ended up bashing a pyrex bowl over the guy’s head so hard it shattered before backup arrived. He told me “if I could have shot him, I think I would have.”

To me, this brings up the question: is it possible to be violent in a game for a constructive purpose? There’s that old quote, misattributed to Orwell, that says something like “we sleep soundly in our beds at night because there are men who visit violence upon those who would do us harm.”

I must admit, I’d love future Dishonored games that involved dismantling the monarchy and trying to find a better, fairer government. I’d love to visit Pandyssia and dismantle traditional colonialist tropes. I’d like to grapple with questions about the ethics of violence, because that’s a subject that interests me on a personal level.

But I must admit, I was surprised when Dishonored 2 did everything to portray its witches as these inhuman, incredibly powerful beings, and then punished me for trying to protect the weak from their unbridled power. To me, my actions were heroic, because I was fighting a corrupted and almost unstoppable power in order protect the innocent. This is a game that let me save Aramis Stilton, a man who had fought for workers rights and was destroyed by the Duke for it.

(as an aside, I love Stilton; he grew up poor and earned his wealth honestly. He earned everything he had, so of course the nobility didn’t think he deserved it, because rich people think the only honest way to have money is to receive it from one’s parents. He never forgot where he came from and tried to do right by his workers, so the nobility destroyed him for it. Restoring his mind through time shenanigans is one of the most… most right things I have ever done in a game. I felt fortunate to be given that option)

I think, if the witches were human, if they were victims who deserved better, then the game should have supported that through its mechanics and narrative. But the heart--which, last I knew, told the truth--told me that they were monsters, and those that weren’t had lost their humanity and were on their way to becoming monsters.

I would love other ways to solve problems. When the heart tells me that this man beats his son so hard his bruises last a month, I want to put a stop to it. But what can I do? My only verbs are “knock out” or “murder.” Should I knock out a monster that rejoices in slaughter? Or should I put it down so that it won’t kill again?

Dishonored 2 is one of my favorite games of all time, but I felt that the ending only considered whether I had performed violence, not whether that violence needed to be performed. In my own life, I went through hell and chose not to come out of it a monster. I don’t know how to justify these women performing child abuse, animal abuse, and murder. Like vampires, they are monsters. No matter how tragic their origins, they prey on the weak and defenseless. I don’t like violence, but I think maybe there are times when it’s an unfortunate requirement. They might have been powerless at one point, but in the game, their actions showed they did nothing but punch down. Personally, I think we should punch up or not at all.

[shestillhasherquill]

All’s Fair in Love and War (3/?)

At the time of a brewing battle, there are tough decisions to be made, alliances to be forged. The Princess of Misthaven has no choice but to comply with the demands of the Council and wed the Prince of Camelot. But what happens when she falls for his half-brother, Killian? A war like never before.

A Reign-esque twist to an Enchanted Forest AU that no one asked for.

I really really LOVED writing this chapter, simply for Princess EmmaTM slayin’ it. There’s quite a bit of Prince William as well as his ruggedly handsome half-brother.

Thanks @welllpthisishappening​ for being amazing mostly, but for your beta skillz as well. For @accio-ambition​, as always. I hope you enjoy this chapter, baeeb.

(I’m posting it a little early this Saturday because I know for a fact I won’t be awake the rest of the day to post it lol)

AO3/FF.net

Emma has always prided herself to be someone brave enough to fight her own battles; she had never been a damsel in distress, nor does she intend to be one now. But the fact was this: the council is an ancient system that answers to the people and not to the rulers of Mistahaven. She may have been taught many things, learnt a multitude of skills, but none of that could help her face an absolute entity like the Council. The Council came into power many years ago when, even before King Leopold's time, Misthaven was ruled by a greedy and cruel king, one whose tyranny forced the citizens to rebel and make sure that the subsequent rulers were monitored by a council, the members for which are chosen by the people.

At least, that was what it was supposed to be, and for a while, it had been. However, over the years, this had changed, and now only the nobility get to decide who is appointed to be on the council. And the ones who do not favor the way that David and Elizabeth have chosen to rule, tend to support men like Duke Bravian. And even those who wanted to be loyal to the crown couldn't because of their fear of the Duke's men. The fear of the Duke was widespread throughout Misthaven's nobility, making him a dangerous man to anger.

It was not the fear of what the Duke would do to her that made her apprehensive about defying him, but how it would affect her father. She knew if the Duke were to make the people question the authenticity of their King, he would have all the reason he needed to overthrow the authority of the crown. And if that were to happen, it would only be the beginning of the end of peace in the North. A man like Bravian, in possession of so much power, one could only imagine the devastation that would plague the land. She took a deep breath, running her clammy palms down her skirt before knocking on the door that led into the chamber that hosted the members of Misthaven's Council.

"Enter," called out a sharp voice, startling her slightly, but she strengthened her resolve and walked inside with her head held high.

"Your Highness," the gathered men greeted, all except the Duke, of course, who simply stared at her like a bug he wanted to squash.

"You had requested to meet with this humble group of men, Your Highness?"  he asked instead, leaning back in his chair, with a barely concealed sneer on his face.

"Yes, I did request a meeting, Your Grace," she smiled through gritted teeth. But one with just you, and not the whole council, she thought to herself. This man had always been one step ahead with her rulers, and now he would do the same to her if she wasn't careful enough.

"I was hoping that we could re-negotiate the marriage clause," she stated, taking a seat on one end of the table, with the Duke on the other end.

All the men turned to look at her, Lord Estoban even laughed out loud before he was silenced by a stern look from Duke Bravian, before he turned his glare on her, his eyes intense as they took her in. She wanted to shiver under his scrutiny, something in his gaze giving her the feeling that he was staring at her bare bones. She stifled the urge, but her hands gripped the handles of the chair a little tighter.

"Princess Emma, with all due respect, I am going to have to decline your request. There has never been a female heir to take the throne without a husband by her side. We did not make this rule, it existed long before this council was formed. I would not want to dishonor the tradition that has been established by our ancestors, and I would advise you to do the same."

As Emma tried to speak, to reason out with the Duke, Lord Harold spoke up, his tone condescending, "I don't see why it should be so hard. Your father remarried out of his duty, after all, and they seem happy enough."

Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes, choosing to ignore the Lord's comment instead.

"Your Grace,"  she addressed the Duke. "If you could just give me a chance to prove myself as a worthy Queen, I promise that I would not disappoint you."  Every word out of her mouth felt wrong, having to prove her worth, her love for this land, as if she was lower than a man, who would have to do nothing but be himself. She was just as worthy as any prince, if not better. She had learnt sword-fighting from the finest trainer, had been taught the intricate political life by the Queen. She was tutored by the best teacher and learnt to survive in the woods with the help of Aunt Ruby. She knows how to run a country, far better than any poncy prince they wished to marry her off to.

"I did not make the rules, Princess Emma. And I do not have the authority to change them,"  the Duke replied icily. "Now if we are done here, the Council has some work to take care of," he finished in a dismissive tone, making Emma bristle.

She clenched her fist, her cheeks flaring with anger and shame. She took in deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, but seeing the utter lack of respect only served to increase her anger. She stood up from her seat, her hands clenched at her side and her eyes sharp and full of rage. "You listen to me, Lord Bravian. You may be the head of the Council of Mistahaven's Royalty, but you are not the ruler of this land. My father is, and soon enough, I will be too. You can try to stop me from taking my rightful place on the throne, but Misthaven is my land, and I love my people more than you could ever imagine. And I will find a way to break this ancient law. I will not let my fate be decided by anyone but myself. You may have had the upper hand for so long, but rest assured, you will fall. When that day comes, I will be there, rejoicing with the rest of the land.

"We formed the council so many years ago to protect the people of Misthaven from being treated unfairly by people like you, Duke," she spat. " I will not let my family's legacy be taken over by a man so power hungry that he is willing to go to any lengths, no matter how pathetic and despicable it may be. You think forcing me to marry gives you some kind of power over me?" she barked a laugh. "You have absolutely no clue who you are dealing with." With those words, Emma stormed out of the room, leaving all the men but the Duke dumbfounded. Bravian glared at her retreating back, his rage building as the men shot him looks that reeked of judgment. That Princess just bit off more than she could chew, and he was going to make sure she knew that.

-/-

Killian stared at the expanse of ocean water below him, the view from the cliff as enthralling as it was deceptive. The ocean had been his first love, memories of serving with his brother still fresh, as if they'd happened just yesterday, and not ten years ago. But the same ocean he loved, was the one that took his brother. Liam, the man he'd looked up to most his life, was now nothing more than just a figment of his memories. Liam had been his shore, his rock to his stormy waters, never letting him down. There hadn't been a day that had gone by, since they'd buried Liam, that he didn't feel the guilt weigh him down. He was supposed to have been on that journey instead of his brother, but his father had needed his assistance, and so Liam had to leave - leave as soon as he'd returned from another tiring journey, leave so Killian didn't have to, leave because that's who he was, a man who was willing to do anything for his land, and his King.

Killian never blamed his father for Liam's passing, for that man, that King, had been just as devastated by the loss of his son as Killian and Regina were at the loss of their brother. But a part of him resented his brother for being so stubborn and undertaking a journey he was too weary to handle, for refusing more than the bare minimum of crew. He resented that he couldn't be there - it all came boiling down to that, though. Even after all these years, having found and lost love, he still could not relinquish the guilt that ate at him. It should have been him, but it wasn't; and now, Liam was dead.

He was startled out of his morose thoughts by a the sound of boots thudding up the steps of the lighthouse he had been standing at. "Killian," William panted, the exertion from running up the steps making it hard for the younger man to talk.

Killian tensed, having an inkling to why William sought him out. His father must have told him about the journey to Misthaven. Killian wasn't naive, he knew that Brennan treated him differently than he did William, he was stricter with his half-brother, but he had good reason to. At the end of the day, Killian was still his bastard son. He was not the one to take over the throne next, he had no need to behave in the way William was expected to. He was not bound by any obligation, not to anyone or anything.

But William did, and for all that he thought he knew, he was still a green lad and had much more to learn. While the two men never saw eye-to-eye, there had never been much in the way of animosity between them, at least not as far as Killian was concerned. William never treated him like he was beneath him, and for Killian, that was good enough. William would be his King one day, and he had to be ready for that. If the only people that Killian cared are his family, William tended to fall under that spectrum more often than not. William may be tiresome, but he was a good man, and he wouldn't hesitate to fall under his command when the time comes.

"William," Killian acknowledged, his eyes still on the horizon. "What can I do you for, your highness?" he asked, only slightly sardonic.

William rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore Killian's attitude. "I need to speak with you. Father wants me to go to Misthaven, and he has very conveniently left out the reason. Care to share the oh-so important issue that needs my presence?"

Killian resisted the urge to groan out loud at the task that his father had saddled him with. He simply had to tell his half-brother that he was to be betrothed to a woman he has never even met. Not very hard, was it?

He knew that his father and William never had a good relationship, father's expectations for William only mounting without the presence of the Queen, who had acted as a buffer between the two royals, and Killian did feel for his brother. Being the sole heir to Camelot was not to be taken lightly, and ever since the attempted coup, King Brennan had been even more harder on William. But as much as the man lamented to Killian about how strained his relationship was with William was, King Brennan hardly did much to change the situation. So, no, Killian couldn't really blame William for his perpetual anger towards their father.

"What exactly did father tell you?" Killian asked, finally turning back to face William.

William scoffed, crossing his arms, “Nothing, which shouldn’t really surprise me.”

Killian ran his hand through his hair, suddenly uncomfortable to tell his brother the real reason. Apart from being the one to tell his brother of his inevitable betrothal, he didn’t know how William would react knowing that their father seemed to trust Killian with this information but not William, especially when it is something that concerned the man in question. “William, I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t want you to think that I- that we-”

“Spit it out, Killian. I can take it,” William interrupted gruffly.

Killian sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Well, with the news of another war, the Northern Kingdoms must unite. And King David, he and His Majesty are very close, and he has a daughter, Princess Emma, I think. And since you are old enough, and she is too, King David wanted to arrange for you to meet her- Emma – so you could get to know each other, and, um…” Killian trailed off, noticing as William’s face grew red with each word.

“He wants me to marry someone I don’t even know?” he demanded, his anger bubbling under the surface. “And what? He was too craven to tell me that himself?” he growled.

“Watch it, William,” Killian snapped. “That is our King you are speaking of.”

“No, brother. That is our father. He has no right to treat me this way,” the other man spat, turning away from Killian and running down the steps of the lighthouse.

“William! Hold on, brother!” Killian shouted after him, but his calls fell on deaf ears, as William raced down the step, with rage powering his every step.

Killian slumped on the steps, knowing that this was one fight he could not get in between. He had never been one to condone his father’s treatment of William, but he did as much harm by not stopping him.

-/-

“You want me to marry Princess Emma?!” William thundered, as he burst into the throne room. King Brennan looked up, surprise clouding his features before he masked it into a stony façade.

“William,” he warned, aware of all the noblemen from his privy council who were witnessing the outburst. But William didn’t heed, instead striding into the room with purpose, his glaring eyes trained on his father.

“You didn’t have the gall to me that yourself, Your Majesty?” he spat, stopping right in front of King Brennan’s throne. The entire room seemed to stop breathing at William’s defiant comment.

King Brennan stood up, his eyes dark with anger as he stared William down. “That’s enough, boy.”

Any other day William would have stood down, his father’s towering frame one he had always feared. While King Brennan could hardly be described as cruel, he was a man who instilled great fear in his enemies, and anyone else who dared to defy him. He was a formidable man, that is for certain, but this was one fight William was not going to back down from.

“I will tell you what’s enough, father. You treating me like I am your puppet, always following your orders. You are my king, and I am yours to command. But you cannot dictate every aspect of my life. I am your son, for God’s sake!” he threw his hands up, his voice raised, echoing in the otherwise silent room.

The King bristled, his own anger now clear by his clenched fists and tense demeanour. “I am your son,” William repeated, his voice breaking at the end. “And you don’t tell me anything. You don’t even treat me like I am worthy of being your heir, father. You think I do the things I do because I want to? I do it to impress you. I sit in on every meeting, I contribute as much as I am capable of, I fight in all your battles, both on the field and off. And all I want in return is for you to look me in the eye and tell me I’m worth something!” William was close to breaking down, but he would not give his father the satisfaction. “I don’t know what I can do for you to treat me like you do Regina and Killian. I would never resent them, I know they did nothing wrong. I just wish you would tell me what was it that I did so wrong,” he finished in a resigned tone.

Brennan’s jaw clenched as he regarded his son, his heart clenching painfully at the hurt he’d caused his son. He was aware that he had been harder on him than he was with Regina or Killian, or had been with Liam; but this was how his father had been and this was how he thought was best to teach his son. But before he could say another word, William stormed out of the room, leaving him behind with the whispers of men and the heavy guilt of a man realising how wrong he was.

Brennan sighed deeply, his eyes closing for a brief moment, a voice that very strongly resembled his late wife’s loud in his head, berating him for his actions. He longed to follow after William, but he was a King first. He would find his boy later, and fix whatever has broken between them over all these years of neglect he had subjected William to.

“Let’s get back to work, gentlemen,” he said finally, taking his seat again, even as his mind was clouded with the guilty pangs of his conscience.

-/-

Emma sulked, watching as her father paced back and forth in front of her, making her feel a little dizzy. “Alright, tell me again, what exactly did you say?” he demanded, arms crossed and brows furrowed.

“Father, I told you everything I said. I am sorry I lost my temper,” she repeated, perhaps for the hundredth time.

“Emma, I thought you were going to convince them to at least postpone your betrothal! Not enrage them into getting it to happen faster. This was not the plan!”

“I know that!”

“Are you sure? Because it doesn’t seem like it. You claim that you are ready to be a Queen, that you are ready to prove yourself, darling. And that outburst was the opposite of queen-like behaviour,” David reprimanded, wincing to himself as the hurt flashed across his daughter’s features.

“You don’t mean that,” Emma whispered, pain lacing her words. “You don’t really believe that I’m not fit to be queen, do you?” she questioned, standing up and approaching her father. “I know what I did was wrong, but I will fix it, I promise.”

“Emma,” David sighed, turning his back to her, his eyes resting on the embers in the fireplace, crackling as the logs shifted. “I- I don’t know what the consequences of that meeting are going to be. Bravian is not a man you should mess with.”

Emma felt her anger emerge, tenfold now. “I am not sorry for the things I said, father, just so we are clear,” she began icily. “While I regret the manner in which I said it, in retrospect, I would do the same thing.”

David’s head snapped up at that, incensed at her callousness towards the council. He whirled around, eyes flashing dangerously, her father showing a face she’d never been exposed to before. She staggered back at her father’s expression, shivering from unbidden fear.

“You are being very reckless, Emma. The council, as much as I am loathe to admit, does have the power to dissolve our rule. That was the way it has been for so many years-”

“But it is such a corrupt system!” Emma argued, cutting him off.

“-and that is the way it shall be! We cannot do anything to change it, and your actions only served to make a bad situation worse. Your outburst was uncalled for.”

“Uncalled for?” Emma laughed mirthlessly. “You have to be joking, father. The way those men treat us, that is what is uncalled for. We are supposed to be the leaders of this land, and yet they show us no respect. This kingdom has been our family’s responsibility for years - no, centuries! And the council is hardly a few decades old,” she huffed.

“But this is our reality, Emma. It’s time you accept it and abide by its rules.”

“The council was given power to stop leaders of a land from abusing their power, not be the ones to wield it,” Emma argued. She moved away from her father, reaching for the door when her father spoke again.

“We cannot afford to step out of line anymore, Emma,” his words of warning stopped her in her tracks, her hands curling into fists and her shoulders tensing.

She turned back to face him, slowly, her throat thick with tears but her eyes were stone cold. “Were you like this when mother was still alive? Or did you lose your courage along with her?” she spat back, before walking out of the door.

David watched, stricken, as she slammed the door. He felt his legs give out as he fell into the chair behind him, his hands clutching the handles in a death grip, his heart shattering. Not only because of what Emma had said, although that did contribute greatly to his heartache. Of course, there was also the matter of her being right. He had become more complacent without Snow; she had been his lifeline, and ever since she passed away, he’d only been going through the motions, hardly caring for much of it. Which was why he’d never fought back the council’s demands – all excepts ones that concerned Emma, until recently. Over the years, a part of him had given up on trying to fight for what was right, what was the moral thing – a part of him that had thrived when Snow had been alive.

He felt the tears build up, his daughter’s cutting words echoing in his head, making it harder for him to breathe. For the first time in a long time, he felt all alone – as if he was stranded in a deserted island with all the things he’d want for and none of the people he needed. When he’d first married Elizabeth, his heart had been in a state of conflict, his eternal love for Snow and his blossoming affection for Elizabeth, and when the guilt of it ate him up, it had been Emma who’d helped him move on, accept the love that he had, while still honouring the one he had – they had ­– lost. Of all the people in Emma’s life, he was the only one who understood how much losing Snow affected her, and when she pulled back, kept pulling back, after a while without even realising it, he let her. He never wanted Emma to have to hide herself from him, but the grave error he’d done was hide the part of him that loved Snow from Emma.

For she knew all of their stories, none of them were from him. She knew of her mother, but not like how he had known her. He wanted to be strong for her, for his little girl, but he lost that battle. Emma is strong, but him? He’d lost his strength when he lost Snow, and all he was left with was a shadow of it, a mere imitation – not something he ought to be proud of.

He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning his head back. It had been too long of this selfish and cowardly behaviour; before he tried to earn his daughter’s forgiveness, he needed to find the man he’d lost ages ago – to death, to oppression, and most of all, to his own inability to move on.

-/-

Emma rushed through the doors of the glasshouse, tears a torrent down her cold, reddened cheeks, stinging sharply. She felt to her knees, a sob wrenching free from her tightly held control, the rough ground scraping her palms as she fell. Emma hissed, pulling her hands away and cradling them to her chest, looking at the wreckage around her, her chest constricting painfully. She’d visited this place – one sacred to her and her mother – twice in a week now, when before she’d hardly visit it once a year, if that.

But now, more than ever, she needed her mother. The problems with the council would only escalate from here, and her argument with her father only served to further sour her mood. She was desperate for a distraction, for something to soothe the ache of loss she felt – so sudden and acute, beyond anything she could bear. And as desperate as she was, there was only one thing she could do. Unleash it.

-/-

If anyone had passed by the worn-down greenhouse, they would have witnessed a bright light emanating from within the glass walls, as powerful magic flooded the place, transforming it back to its original glory.

[nowonderyouhavedemons]

All evens!

WOW I’m getting to this so fucking late I’m sorry I forgot to do this my entire day off so now I’m doing this at like midnight and I’ll post it tomorrow afternoon or something during my break

also thank you Allie once again for letting me ramble about my dumb self~

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3 or so? I think it depends on if I’m familiar with the environment I’m in or not, and if the darkness is something planned. I don’t mind walking around my home in the dark in the middle of the night, but I’d be less okay with the dark if it was due to a blackout at home.

Probably shoots up to 4 or 5 when I’m in unfamiliar places. This includes haunted houses in amusement parks. I’m a huge baby I just try to hide it

4. What is your favorite word?

God, there’s so many good ones. I really like the word “dawn”. “Smorgasboard” is good too. Also “succinct” and “bracket.” Those words just feel fun to say for me!

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“god why does my facial hair grow back so fast?”

it doesn’t really, but I like being clean shaven and I swear it grows to the point of being noticeable within 3 - 4 days and it’s really annoying.

8. What do you label yourself as?

A bunch of stuff, really! Male, straight, raver, diabetic, dropout, all that sort of stuff. Depends on the context we’re talking about too because this question feels super broad.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I think I was in bed getting comfy to go to sleep. I got called into work that day and I was exhausted when I got home. Basically ate some food and watching a single youtube video and went to sleep.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Think it was my friend/coworker actually. Pretty sure she was playfully jabbing at me and roasting me. I agreed with her (because I either completely agree unless I have something wittier to reply with) and I think she was all “Ahhh, you know I love you.”

Having a good relationship with your coworkers is nice~

14. What is your current desktop picture?

Right now, it’s the Dishonored 2 main screen! I actually use Wallpaper Engine from Steam which lets you use videos and animated loops as desktop wallpapers, so I have about 50+ on rotation right now that get switched out every hour.

16. The last song you listened to?

CA$H by Barely Alive!

MAKE THE SPEAKERS *VIIIIIBbBRrAaAaAaTtEe*

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The guy who was with his girlfriend as one of my customers yesterday when I got called in.

Listen asshole, the first thing I told you when you came up other than my “hi” was that we were out of slushies. We couldn’t make slushies. We refilled all the mix. What do you do? Ask me “what about the blue raspberry?”

“No sir, I apologize, but we’re out of slushies.”

“What about the lemonade?”

“Sir, like I just said, we’re out of slushie mix.”

“So you’re completely out of slushies?”

“Yes sir, that’s what I just said.”

and then when I gave you your change, you YANKED the bill out of my hand.

Like listen you fucking ignorant shit, you can’t be mad at me after I tried being polite multiple times and warned you multiple times and then get frustrated with you because you kept asking inane stupid fucking questions holding up my line of 20 OTHER CUSTOMERS

I hope that guy tripped later on that day and ate shit. God that pissed me off.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

Shit. I honestly hate my body in general. I guess my eyes can be pretty nice sometimes, but the light has to be hitting me in the right way. My eys are dark brown so you can’t really see a whole lot. I’ve always wished I had a different eye colour.

That, and I’m pretty tall for a Filipino dude, I think. Taller ones are growing up in Toronto now, but a lot that I see still are like 5′6″ or shorter. Being 5′8″ ain’t too bad.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Not????? really???? I think? Like really anything that I could be remotely good at is already something I share publicly (which would be making music really but I haven’t even been doing that.)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Honestly, it’d just be the cold cut combo sandwich setup from Subway I always get except also with ham and a shit ton of bacon added, really. I get it cheese and toasted with Italians Herbs and Cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onions, cucumbers, mayo, and chipotle sauce.

I’m a simple man. The greatest sandwiches I ever have are from Subway because I never have sandwiches otherwise.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

fucking nowhere I have work dude and I get no shifts during tourist off-season I’m working as much as I can while I can

for the sake of funsies, and I know it’d sound boring, but I’d either pick California/Los Angeles or Florida. I’m not in a rush to go overseas because I feel that’d require a lot more planning and possibly learning phrases in a new language. I have family in California and friends in Florida so I wouldn’t have to worry about being alone, the Canadian dollar is weak as shit compared to the USD so I could buy things on the cheap there, and it wouldn’t be as huge of a culture shock while still being new to me (because I barely explored California with my family the one time I went because we did VERY tourist-y things.)

Also portions. I fucking inhale food, dude. Give me those US portions for meals CHEAPER than here in Canada, holy god.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

like comment subscribe

No littering. Fuck y’all, if I’m creating my own society, I’m not letting SAVAGES in that don’t know how to clean up after themselves and throw things out properly. We’re keeping it clean here.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

It’s gotta be my laptop just because it’s the most expensive thing I own that I deeply care about. I could eventually afford another PS4, I don’t need a glamorous TV or anything, and I only upgraded to the iPhone 6 because my mom got a deal on it for $100. I could use that as an excuse to switch to Android.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

To avoid a cop-out and using California as an answer AGAIN, I think I’d really like a place in the Philippines. Not deep inner city though. Like, further away in the quieter cramped backalley houses like the one one of my aunts has there. I don’t want to be completely out in the country either.

I’d want to be able to get into the inner city relatively easily, and I want to really feel in tune with the background country more!

34. What was your last dream about?

Oh god, what was the last dream I even remember? I get so bad at remembering them now. OH NOW I REMEMBER PART OF ONE. I forgot most of it but I know at some point I ended up in the back of a large sorta hippie van? Like the back seats were removed and the back was all lined up tons of nice rugs and blankets and decorations. There were a few of my college classmates lying there with me and I was cuddling with one of them. That was a nice part of the dream I remember.

I don’t have dramatic or weird dreams. A lot of my dreams are just stuff like this. I’m really fucking romantically lonely I want physical intimacy ugggggggggggggggggh

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Oh yeah, at least three times. I already have to visit a hospital fairly frequently for my diabetes. First time was when I was just diagnosed with T1 Diabetes, and the second and third times were when I was in danger of DKA because I wasn’t taking my insulin. Second time was worse than the third. My nurses weren’t happy both times though.

38. What is the color of your socks?

I’m not wearing socks right now! I don’t wear socks at home unless I find it cold.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets, since I’m not a morning person. Both are pretty though!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Is this that newfangled Sportsball I always hear about? I’m not hip with the times yo, sorry.

No seriously I really don’t care about sports and the only ones I MIGHT care a tiny bit about are my local ones like the Blue Jays and Raptors, and that’s just out of a sense of Canadian/Torontonian pride more than anything.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

lol whoops I dropped out

dream goal is still to be a music producer and DJ. If that doesn’t end up panning out, I’d still like to go into something involving music or audio engineering. Sound mixing for TV/movies maybe? Doing front-of-house mixing for concerts and raves would be cool too.

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think so, but I know I slip up a lot sometimes.

48. Do you hold grudges?

To be honest, yeah, I still do. I can be pretty fucking bitter about things from my past.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Not the MOST, but this just happened a couple weeks ago (and it wasn’t really a conversation but whatever)

A woman came up to me while I was on cash wanting to buy something. She was holding a Canadian $20 in her hand. She approaches me, looks at her bill confused, looks up at me again, and asks “Do you guys accept cash?”

Like???????????? nothing has ever taken me that far aback before????? like I don’t????? what??? the fuck like miss??????? miss we are an establishment that provides goods for currency??????????????? damn I HOPE we accept cash at this physical shop because we’d probably come across some issues with our customers

This happened weeks ago and I still bring it up to people. It still bewilders the fuck out of me. What would possess people to think a physical store would not accept cash? What has troubled you in the past that would lead you to think that this cashier and this till you walked up to would ONLY accept debit/credit cards? Holy fuck.

52. How long could you go without talking?

To another person physically? A good while, I think. Probably a week, two weeks tops. I’ve stayed inside my apartment for a week straight before and I swear I barely talked to my mom too.

If talking to myself counts, than maybe a couple hours. Maybe. I talk and make comments to/by myself a lot.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

God no. I’d probably be trash at baking stuff. I’m surprised I can manage some stuff on the stovetop.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter/margarine for the most part. I’m a simple person. I could say peanut butter and jelly too, but it’s actually been over a year or so since I’ve had a PB&J.

58. What would be you dream car?

One that worked, was fairly stable, and had a damn good audio system.

I’m not really a car person, I really wouldn’t give too much of a shit what the car was. Maybe not a pick-up truck or a mini-van though, and that’s really it.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Not in the stereotypical image of “aliens”, but I definitely believe that the universe is too fucking huge and operates on too massive a scale for there to not be any type of intelligent life somewhere else at SOME place.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Either A or M. A’s probably my favourite vowel, and for some reason “LMNOP” is my favourite part of the classic Alphabet song, and M is the letter I like the best out of that section.

64. What do you think about babies?

Babies can be super cute and adorable sometimes! Other times though? Devil spawn. They can be double-edged swords sometimes.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, past time I start this post but I was talking to my friend so at least that's a good reason to delay. Today was good! Did make myself get out of bed when my alarm went off, I mean I had to but I still made it happen so I felt proud of myself because trust me, it's quite the feat these days (sigh). Got ready, hopped on the bus and made it to work. Finally got the caseworker I've been trying to reach on the phone and caught her up on all the craziness from the status hearing last week after she left. Made some more calls, and re-typed my Facebook blurb for the message. My boss had messaged me and said she was going to be out in the morning because she had to take her daughter to the doctor, so I took to reading the motions to reconsider and parental capacity assessment from the case I've been listening to the jail phone calls for, and well they were definitely interesting. It's strange because dad's psychiatrist discharged him saying he had no evidence of psychotic/delusional thoughts but the guy is still under the belief that he's the second Adam, like from the the Bible, which sounds pretty damn delusional to me. But the main concern is that mom is a fucking mess and won't cooperate at all with any services or visits, after she like, assaulted a caseworker, kicked a hole in the wall at the DCFS office, and did other various offenses. So basically the conclusion was there's no chance of them getting the kids back if dad stays with mom, but he maybe has a chance if they separate. And now supposedly they separated, but that's not what the jail phone calls sound like, so it's interesting for sure. They were doing a fundraiser for something around lunch selling snow cones, so I ventured outside the courthouse and bought a watermelon one as well as some chips. They didn't quite get shaved ice though, it was more like crushed ice, so it was more like a cup of syrup and ice chunks? Haha but it was still fairly enjoyable so I'm not complaining. Ate lunch, then drove out to a staffing with my boss, and of course got stuck in horrendous traffic and wound up being super late, and we were gonna like call in but then we couldn't find the number and it was this whole big mess but it was kind of amusing lol. But we made it and it lasted another 10 minutes because the dad had to go to work, but we were able to figure out the info we needed to clear up the apparent discrepancy, and the case should be able to close in August so that's a win. The girl has already been home with dad since September, and the case should've been closed already but has just remained open for some lingering issues, but they'll hopefully be resolved now. Cute girl too. So not long after arriving we headed back out and made much better time, getting back to the office around 3:45. So I finished some phone calls and reading the parenting capacity assessment, then got started on a CIM (critical incident memorandum) about an unfounded packet I wrote up a few weeks ago. I got about halfway through that when it was 5 and I went to go home. I ended up on the 5:14 bus, which true to habit got me home a full half hour later than the bus 10 minutes earlier than it, so I'm really done with doing that, I'm ok with ducking out a few minutes early to make the 5:03, nothing much is getting done at that point anyway. By the time I get home it's like 6:45 (ugh), so I make dinner and decide to keep watching season 1 of legends from where I left off after the pilot, which I'll spare the commentary of because I've already written about my feelings about the show at length, I'll just say these early episodes are highly quotable and Mick's lines were very underappreciated. At 9 I turned on the night shift, which was a fairly interesting episode, up until the end at least, which just left me really PISSSED. The continued plot of the two girls from the roller coaster accident was interesting, I thought it interesting that they went with the story that she had an abortion but was still pregnant, since I know a girl in real life who that happened to. The other girl's plot was a bit peculiar for sure, but I'm glad they ended it with Paul telling off her parents for neglecting her, I just wish we got to see it lol. The nurse turned doctor was intriguing, I found it interesting that a Mexican medical license is valid in America to practice medicine because to practice law in America you have to have an American law degree, though I suppose that makes sense since medicine tends to be more universal while law tends to be country specific. Paul's dad continues to piss me off, but it's clear they're setting him up to be the antagonist, and well he's certainly doing a good job antagonizing. I just wish he wasn't so damn annoying. But then we have the ending, and oh man, I'm so mad at them. So mad. I didn't know what they were gonna do with Topher's character, they threw in a short line about him coming back after not discussing that previously at all so I didn't know what was happening there, but then (major spoiler alert) to kill off a main character off screen and break it to the others through a text message??? Really?? This character deserved so much better than this shit. I don't know what the deal was about if the actor didn't want to return or what else, but this was just a really shitty way to get rid of his character and I'm pissed they treated him like that. Topher was such a quality character, the heart and soul of the ER in many ways, and for him to just vanish in a puff of smoke seems like such a dishonor to his brave and wonderful character. So yeah, I'm quite ticked off about that choice. Sigh. After that I finished the 4th episode of legends I had started and then started getting ready for bed and that's more or less how we got here. Yay for tomorrow being Friday. Sleep now, or soon anyway. Goodnight my babes. Sweet dreams.

[smokesontheroof]

OOooh Okay  So I was tagged by @andrewminyarrr ! Thanks for tagging, Idk if you realized what you were gonna be in for.  Prepare. This is actually going to be good because I can see visually where all my projects are instead of having a billion different lists ok. This could get long. Ahhh I’m not going to tag anyone because this kinda got away from me lol please consider yourself tagged if you want to do it! Do This: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever. 1) A piece! (Actually probably 4- one “big” one and 3-4 little ones) for the Dishonored Big Bang!!!  I’ve been putting this off because I had been working so long on my Give Your Back to Me Zine comic but now I’m fighting a deadline and it’s A LIL stressful but I like what I’ve got so far I just hope it’s ok??? I’ve never done a Big Bang before so I hope I’m on the right track haaahaaha. 

2) A piece for the AFTG Big Bang! Which I still need to get started on so I don’t actually have a physical WiP but I’ve got WiPs on my mind so it counts ok haha.

3) A Check,Please! Related commission (Jackparse (aka Jack Zimmermann/Kent Parson)) which I am SO eager to work on I have to force myself to work on these other things first. Self denial man. I am....not very good at it. Regardless, I’m super excited about it. I have Plans. (Commission info here)

4) Another OmgCP commish (of Ransom <33) Still in thumbnail stage.

5) A non-fandom commish for a long time commissioner for an opening/closing title page for his podcast....this is one of the things I have been putting off to work on number 3 >.> 

6) Another non-fandom commission to fill a sketchbook. I’m working with the commissioner’s rpg characters and the world in which it’s set which is SUPER cool, but also there’s SO MUCH freedom It’s kind of intimidating and it makes me freeze up whenever I think about working on it so THAT S NOT VERY FUN. but I got some good progress done on a page yesterday so there’s hope for this weekend.

Wip images Here and Here

ok ok now we’re on to purely personal projects with no deadlines/obligations (but also things I haven’t worked on in months and might not work on for more months) So I’m gonna put this under a cut cuz this could get long and irrelevant

7)  I sketched out a couple things based on this post >.> by @fabbittle So I kinda hope to finish that this weekend but I mean look at the rest of what I’ve got going on haaaahaha so who knows. 8) Uhhhhhh I’ve got a sketchpage (2 actually??) of some characters that Idk I felt ‘em for a while but now I’m not entirely sure if I liked the trajectory i had so I might want to revisit. but it was like. a Catholic-raised, trans, werewolf photographer (read: complete self insert), a park ranger, and a medical examiner and like they’re good sketches, I like where the character designs were headed but idk shit about story. 9) A LONG TIME AGO I was planning on doing some mock magazine illustrations and layouts about my fam’s (fam = myself, gf, & our partners) homestead kinda thing...like the ideas are still good, I still like them, so once this summer calms down (got the above listed projects, top surgery, a trip out west, etc. lots of things going on) I would like to revisit those. 10) A LONG LONG time ago (idk like a year and half maybe 2 lol) I was working on a tarot deck. I have more sketches than these two but: The Fool The Magician And then there’s the list of things that I kind of count as works in progress because I think about them a lot. This is my “To Draw” list. I already have a pretty extensive one for AFTG typed out -I really want to draw some of the *places* from TRC like Adam’s parents’ trailer, 300 Fox Way,Cabeswater, etc. -I want to do a couple tarot inspired drawings of the Raven Boys (and others) My Check Please To-Draw list - I want to try my hand at doing portraits of Actual Hockey Players in the same vein as these pieces:  Jack Kent Georgia -storyboard of Jack & Kents feelings regarding eachother post-OD inspired by and directly correlating to (in the form of music video storyboards/comic) the song “Hate Me” by Blue October -MORE NHL!BITTY -something with Bad Bob, Uncle Wayne and Uncle Mario -Kent Parson + crop top + desert -MORE PUNK AU -Bitty in the penalty box (based on that gif of Conor Sheary) “PLAY PROUD” magazine covers/spreads (aka my fake gay sports magazine that I have too much fun thinking about) I already have THIS ONE and then I’ve got this one as a thumbnail but I’d like to revisit that, and I’d like to DO MORE using it as a platform for illustration&text about aftg and omgcp. <3 With that in mind I forgot I also want to draw literally all these fictional athletes at the olympics.

[livebiganddie]

Ask meme: all

i was told to do all from both posts so alright here we go with that first one

Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

black

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

ive only ever lived in city places and i cant stand bugs so i guess city bc im a City Boi

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

uh i really wanna know how to skateboard. so id learn skateboarding or how to be able to skateboard bc my feet are really shitty and idk if i can skate with them

Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

i hate coffee and im picky about my hot teas. it has to be pretty sweet so yes sugar

What was your favourite book as a child?

hmm i really loved the magic treehouse series

Do you prefer baths or showers?

showers because baths feel inefficient in a way. idk. should probs treat myself take more baths tho

If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

oooo id probably be a werewolf or Cerberus. since werewolves are generic and Cerberus is like a single entity, leaning more towards werewolf

Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

paper. electronic books fuck with my eyes more

What is your favourite item of clothing?

my binder uh my space jam t-shirt

Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

uh Dennis is an ok name. i dont really like where it came from, but i like when my friends call me Denny and idk its cute and i dont wanna change my name and lose that. im going to legally change my name eventually, but im still figuring out what im going to change it to. Something Dennis Something

Who is a mentor to you?

i dont view anyone as a mentor. at least consciously. idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

like being famous would mean id have money so im soo down for that. but never being left alone, never havign truly private moments, being constantly critiqued, etc would wear down my mental state really fuckin quickly. but yes, for the money. id wanna be famous for something dog or animal related and/or just being a really nice/loving person

Are you a restless sleeper?

uh sometimes. it depends a lot. my sleeping has gotten better but i wouldnt say its the best sleep

Do you consider yourself a romantic?

uh i dont really think so. im still sorting out what shit is stuff i like and what is stuff i think i feel obligated to like. but yeah bein grey aro is v v interesting

Which element best represents you?

i guess water? bc it can be really calm and forgiving but it can also be really fuckin not chill

Who do you want to be closer to?

myself and other people. just in general other people. i close myself off a lot and im still learning to be open and i havent really experienced much closeness, both mentally and physically. like example: i dont wanna freak the fuck out if i accidentally sit too close to my friend and we touch. idk stuff like that

Do you miss someone at the moment?

i dont think so

Tell us about an early childhood memory.

when my grandpa was still alive and able to drive himself, he used to take me to denny’s every week. i got the same thing. a waffle and apple juice. we always talked but i cant remember about what. probably silly kids stuff lol

What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

im sort of a picky eater, so if it sounds strange i probably wont eat it. im pretty sure all the stuff ive eaten is p “normal”

What can you see outside your bedroom window?

i can see my university’s stadium, other apartments, a dumpster, a small tree or two, road, sidewalk

What are you most thankful for?

making it to where i am now. things might have been shitty and they might be shitty now, but i am thankful for the opportunities ive been given to be where i am now with who im with now

Do you like spicy food?

i love spicy food unless it makes my nose burn. its fine if its my mouth, but not my nose

Have you ever met someone famous?

maybe a race car driver or two (bc of my hometown) but other than that, no

Do you keep a diary or journal?

i used to. i need to take it up again. its really nice

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pencil. i make too many mistakes for pens

What is your star sign?

capricorn

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

crunchy. and get tf outta here if you like soggy cereal man (jk you do you)

What would you want your legacy to be?

being a kind and loving person (also being funny but thats less important to me)

Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

i like reading even though i rarely read anymore. the last thing i read was probably the mystery book called like Night or One Night or something. it was p good

How do you show someone you love them?

i try to be there for them if they need me, do small things for them, buy them things when i get the money

Do you like ice in your drinks?

depends on the drink. milk? no. juice? yeee tea? hell yee water? yeah

What are you afraid of?

heights, the unknown, the future, spiders, people i love dying. theres more but i cant think of them rn

What is your favourite scent?

lavender or lilac. fuck me UP

Do you address older people by their first or last name?

growing up, i was told no matter what to not call people older than me by their first name, even if they were okay or told people to call them by their first name. i still kinda do that. im tryin not to tho bc if they wanna be called by their first name, i should respect that

If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

oh SHIT man i would help so many people. i would let people stay at my place if they needed/wanted. i would donate all kinds of shit to all kinds of people. i would give my friends shit. i would save animals from shelters and live in a decent place that the animals would like and my friends could visit

Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

the ocean beat me up so much - pools 

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

spend it on my summer bills

Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

i honestly dont remember if i have or not

What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

dont take people’s bullshit. love is important, but letting people treat you like shit isnt okay

If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

i already have a tattoo, but if i were to get another one id wanna get a tree (maybe pine?) on the back of my calf

What can you hear right now?

my ac (couple min after answering this, i started listening to Dan Bull’s Dishonored rap on repeat)

Where do you feel the safest?

i could be gay and say “with my friends!!” but honestly, all my friends and i are queer, not cis, and one of them isnt white so im worried for their and my safety a lot (when together and separate) my apartment or my friends rooms are the best places i got but even then i dont feel 100% safe and comfortable. and idk i know a lot of people have more reason to feel unsafe so i guess comparatively, im pretty safe

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my (lack of) motivation 

If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?

uh the past was really shitty i dont wanna go back

What is your most used emoji?

the blue heart bc im gay as fuck

What is your favourite season? Why?

winter bc i love snow and i hate being hot and sweaty (and i get hot and sweaty p easily)

How would you spend your ideal day?

id have slept the previous night for 12 hours, id spend time with friends watching steven universe or brooklyn nine-nine, eat some really good pizza with green peppers, watch youtube, and at some point drink some chocolate milk and apple juice

Describe yourself using one word.

silly

What do you regret the most?

regret for me doesnt last long. when i look back, all that ive done has made me who i am. right after something happens ill get high fuckin levels of regret, but eventually they go away. currently my regret is singing loudly while doing the dishes bc my roommate and their dad walked in on me doing that and i didnt realize so idk how long they were there listening/watching me do that

Invent your own word. What does it mean?

uh oh boy im not creative. noop. means to not be a fan of something or to be in a bad mood.

ok second post time

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

i wish i was like 5′8″ at least (currently 5′6″ and a bit)

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

i really want a dog or a cat or both right now. i know i can choose things that arent real, but man i want a doggo or a kitty

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

i like the look skaters have lol i like more edgy clothes i guess? street wear. stuff like that

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

i loved the scooby doo games i had growing up like holy shit. i had night of 100 frights and scooby do unmasked (both for xbox) man i miss those games

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

things: money, food, homeworkpeople: my friends

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

WARNING: Quiet, anxious exterior hiding super gay interior

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

wasnt given a person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

uh idk how accurate this is but i took a quiz and it told me melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

sometimes. depends on who it is, where it is, how im feeling

10: Are you allergic to anything?

normal stuff and cats. cats make my eyes really itchy. still gonna get a cat one day tho

11: What’s your sexuality?

asexual/graysexual

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

assuming its hot tea, cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

i wanna say im a both person, but thatd be lying. i do lean more towards dogs

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

merperson

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

i really like good mythical morning and cryaotic

16: How tall are you?

5′6″ and a bit

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

Something Dennis Something (im still working on it lol)

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

i havent weighed myself in a while so i dont know exactly how much i weigh rn, but lets just say i weigh more than 200 lbs

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

i dont know. thinking about it fucks with my mind 

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

space is scary as fuck, but the ocean is scarier imo. i like space better

21: Are you religious?

no

22: Pet peeves?

when my stuff gets out of the order i put it in is the only one i can think of rn

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

the dippers bc i have freckles that make a dipper :)

25: Favorite star?

dont have one :/

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

sure

27: Any phobias or fears?

heights, unknown, spiders, death of people i love, becoming someone i hate

28: Do you think global warming is real?

yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

idk. i think itd be interesting. 

30: Favorite movie?

a big’s life and the fox and the hound are the only movies i can think of rn

31: Do you get scared easily?

i startle extremely easily. i also get scared/creeped out fairly easily. i still watch horror shit tho lol

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

just two. my siberian huskies Wolfie and Dakota

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

youre on anon ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

34: What is a color that calms you?

blues calm me bc theyre so pretty, theyre my fav, and psych shit lol

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

uh im not sure where i wanna travel, just that i wanna go somewhere else. i wanna live in a place that doesnt get too hot, but does have sunshine regularly so i dont get stuck in Depression Zone

36: Where were you born?

indianapolis, indiana

37: What is your eye color?

blue

38: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

idk if i believe, but i think theyre fun and i like reading horoscopes and reading zodiac shit

40: Hugs or kisses?

uh never been kissed so hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

im p good rn. my friend recently left my place. alone time is chill

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

my friends

43: Any piercings you want?

i want an industrial on my left ear

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

fuck yeah i do 

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

no and no

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

no crush lol

47: What is a sound you really hate?

the chair i have that is a rocking chair, when it balances on the back and i dont sit down slowly, itll slam against the ground. i hate that

48: A sound you really love?

baby animals. just in general. so cute

49: Can you do a backflip?

no

50: Can you do the splits?

no

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

dont have one

52: Favorite movie?

this was #30

53: How are you feeling right now?

anxious as shit 

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

blue or blond

55: When did you feel happiest?

with my friends, watching playthroughs on youtube, listening to my fav music

56: Something that calms you down?

lavender/lilac

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

the usual depression & anxiety, trichotillomania, and since trich is seen as some form of OCD, maybe i have some OCD too? who knows, i dont

58: What does your URL mean?

my friend tagged me in a post and was like “new life motto” i was like “agree” and made the phrase from the post my url

59: What three words describe you the most?

silly, gay, reserved

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

aphobia, antisemitism, shit like that

62: What makes you follow a blog?

dogs, relatable content, i think the person is cute, pretty content. extra follow if they have multiple of these

63: Favorite kind of person:

kind but takes no shit. is not shitty

64: Favorite animal(s):

dOgS, cats, sloths, seals, manatees, snakes, uhh and the rest of the animal kingdom

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

handsomedogs, all the ace/aro positivity blogs, all the nonbinary positivity blogs

66: Favorite emoticon:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

67: Favorite meme:

fUCK this is hard…. i guess the new positivity memes. where it took something super negative and made it cute and :)

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

INFP-T

69: What is your star sign?

capricorn

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

no

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

black jeans, grey vans, black socks, space jam shirt (or my black & white vans shirt), my (black and white) staff hat, and my black and white bracelet

72: Post a selfie or two?

73: Do you have platform shoes?

no

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

im simultaneously really fucking loud and also super fucking reserved and shy

75: Can you do a front flip?

no

76: Do you like birds?

yes

77: Do you like to swim?

uh yes and no. i always hated swimming in swim suits and i dont have trunks that fit me and you cant wear shirts in pools and i cant be shirtless (i totally would tho to spite someone. like “um take off ur shirt u cant wear it in the pool” “yeah ok” *takes off binder* “motherfucKER” idk) but i like being in the water and chilling and i love lazy rivers and stuff

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

swimming. ice skating is so scary

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

shitty people or just people

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

my bank account overflowing in money

81: Piercings you have?

both of my earlobes are double pierced

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

i wasnt good at it, but i really enjoyed playing tennis with my old friend. i had a good time every time

83: Favorite person to talk to:

my friends

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

i dont remember much. i joined octoberish in 2012

85: How many followers do you have?

only 364. not much

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

uh i havent tried in a long time but im gonna go ahead and guess no

87: Do your socks always match?

nope. if i can, i usually mismatch them on purpose. they have to have the same texture/thickness though

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

no

89: What are your birthstones?

garnet

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

dog or sloth

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

idk. i like hydrangeas. so them

92: A store you hate?

i cant choose just one, but the type of stores i hate are problematic ones that appropriate shit or are racist and shit

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

00000000 i hate coffee

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

fly. reading minds would stress me the fuck out

95: Do you like to wear camo?

yes and no. see, i hate camo. i think its ugly as fuck. but i do have a shirt i got free from school thats camo. its a little big on me and its comfy to wear to bed or i wore it when i went swimming in the ocean

96: Winter or summer?

my mental health is saying summer but my body temp is saying winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

around 49.26 seconds

98: Least favorite person?

too many to choose from

99: Someone you look up to:

jeffrey marsh

100: A store you love?

tillys, vans, zumies. (im like 13 lol i know)

101: Favorite type of shoes

i like mid rise shoes. like converse street mids, vans half cabs, vans bedfords. i also like old skools. i like new balance 710, 576, 574, 565. i like saucony too. not their athletic shit, but their causal wear shoes. NICE. idk i just love sneakers 

102: Where do you live?

indiana

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

no

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Dioptase is really pretty

105: Do you drink milk?

yes

106: Do you like bugs?

i like them when theyre not near me

107: Do you like spiders?

spiders creep me out so fuckin much

108: Something you get paranoid about?

mostly how people feel about me 

109: Can you draw:

no

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

uh i think it was something about turn ons or whatever

111: A question you hate being asked?

“What do you want to do after college?”

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

think so

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yeah

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

suns out, but there are clouds in the sky

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

uh

116: Favorite cloud type:

Stratocumulus

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

i like it blue

118: Do you have freckles?

yes

119: Favorite thing about a person:

uh their laugh or smiles. i like seeing people happy and everyones laugh and smiles are different and cute and unique and wonderful

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

sleep or eat

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

sky

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet. sour shit makes my jaw hurt

124: Bright or dim lights?

ideally, neither bright nor dim, just the right amount. but dim if not bc bright lights for too long give me headaches

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

idk

126: Something you hate about Tumblr

all the fuckin nazis and racists and aphobes and shit

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

people punching nazis, ace/aro people coming together to have a good time, the positivity posts

128: What do you think about the least?

im not sure

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

my real name, even if it hadnt been legally changed yet

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

a racist

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

im not entirely sure. like there are things i hate and things i love but idk something thats both

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

yeee i do

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

god no

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

i think i get motion sickness. idk about seasickness

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

i think lobed

137: Do you believe in karma?

idk

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

a solid 3.1

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

some friends call me Denny :)

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

i dont think so? i cant remember

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

ive been both, but i hope more good than bad

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

i love giving other people things and helping others

144: What makes you angry

being disrespected, hypocrisy, racism, aphobia, most cis people, homophobia, transphobia, nazis, etc etc

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

only 1 fluently

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

this question makes me laugh. all of my friends arent cis. idk its easier to be around fellow trans/nb people than cis people

147: Are you androgynous?

no

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

eyes

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

im a pretty kind person

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

i dont wanna talk to anyone im p good rn

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

answered this

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

yes and no

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

im a single pringle

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

i havent really done it much but i think i like it? im not entirely sure

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

yes i do

156: What embarrasses you?

me singing, my music tastes

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

fuckin everything

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

“yeah im a straight girl”

159: How many people are you following?

319

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

80,086

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

0162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

13,576

163: Last time you cried and why:

uh i think it was bc i was really overwhelmed with school and i had realized i was being taken adtantage of (again) and my eyes were ready to GO

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short hair

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

its been down to my ass before

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

people use it as an excuse to be shitty

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

its interesting to me

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

ive only worn it twice but idk i guess its okay?

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

no

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

jesus christ this is long. ok. thank you anon

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Can you please tell us more about Xander and Bastian (I know that's not how his name is spelled but I'm on mobile so it would be hard for me to find the post again) THEY SOUND SO INTERESTING, also what do they look like?

Oh, wow! I’d be happy to! ((and it’s just Bastien is an ‘e’ lol otherwise right on!))

So, Xander Thomas grew up in the outer rings, the son of a street sweeper ((father)) and a factory worker ((mother)) so he’s basically a street rat. During his youth, he joined kinda a gang and mastered the art of pickpocketing and thieving. His father died when he was 12 so it was just he and his mother and he did whatever he could to help her out, forgoing the bit of education he could’ve had and working odd jobs while continuing his criminal life. 

He can read and write a little, so he’s not completely uneducated, and he’s actually quite smart when he’s given the chance to learn. Xander lives by a very strict moral code though and while he’s quick to steal, he’s also something of an Aladdin or Robin Hood. If he has food for himself but sees someone who needs it more, he’ll gladly give it to them. Bc someone’s word is worth so much on the streets if he makes a promise he intends to keep it no matter what. 

So because Xander’s this petty thief, he has been caught by the law before and spent a few nights in jail, but always chooses corporal punishment in lieu of any extended time in prison so he has scars across his back from public lashings. He’s about 5′10 with a pretty muscular build considering he’s from the outer ring ((this is from working in factories and on farms)). He’s got pale enough skin that when he’s out in the sun he needs to keep covered cause he mostly just burns and rarely tans. His hair is very light brown and just long enough that he can tie it back ((think bucky in Civil War)) and his eyes are a chestnut brown. 

He’s 20 when his mother suddenly gets very ill. It’s not surprising since factories ((even in this future world)) have terrible conditions and lots of people get sick, but his mother is like his beacon, he’ll do anything for her, so Xander enlists in the army. He contracts himself for 4 years, after which he’ll receive compensation ((possibly enough to move into the middle ring)) and during his contracted time there his mother will be taken care of by the military doctors. But things go wrong and a year later he’s dishonorably discharged which is why, at 23, after two years of running out of options, Xander signs up to be a bondservant and meets Bastien. 

Then Bastien Edwards… who’s a little harder to get into describing since the story is in Xander’s pov, but I’ll give a little backstory without giving too much away and I hope you like!

The only child of Johnathan and Naomi Edwards, Bastien Edwards grew up in the Inner Ring where he had everything he could ever want. His father is a member of the Syndicate, the group that runs the country. Bastien had all the finest tutors, a well-rounded education and has traveled around the world. When he was younger he was always considered a rising star among his peers and within the Inner Ring, expected to do great things when he was older ((his parents were grooming him to follow in his father’s footsteps)).

Now, at 21, Bastien everything Xander despises. He’s a rich, stuck up, spoiled son of a politician. He’s a horror. He parties and drinks and sometimes does drugs, hopping in and out of bed with anyone who catches his interest. He treats people with very little regard and is always getting in trouble. He’s done nothing with his education, doesn’t have a job and barely upholds what little responsibilities he does have. Bastien contracts Xander just bc he wants to piss his parents off.

If he gets caught doing something illegal, it’s brushed under the rug and covered up to avoid the family any embarrassment. Most of the times, law enforcement simply lets him get away with it anyway since it’s actually more of a threat to their jobs ((this does not include things like non-con or murder, but things like drugs or fighting or disorderly conduct))

When Xander first sees Bastien, he describes him as:

He walks in with an upstart’s strut, his eyes already roaming over those displayed in the room for him. They’re bright, his eyes. Very bright. Offsetting his olive-toned skin and shaved, black hair like a pair of blue stars. The Handler is already fussing over him – asking if he’s had all his needs taken care of, asking if he needs anything else. Xander wonders just how important this man is. Young man, really. He can’t be any older than Xander himself if he’s even that old yet. 

He’s well fed, but that’s to be expected from someone in the Inner Ring. What’s a little less expected is the lean muscle upon him. As though maybe he puts his body to athletic use. Perhaps he engages in a sport of some kind and, given the way the Handler is falling all over himself to appease him, is allowed the courtesy of a win. 

Xander might even find this person attractive if not for the arrogant pose to his body. The lift to his chin as those stunning eyes fall upon Xander, linger for a second longer on him than any of the others, and then move back to find the Hanlder. 

But just so I don’t leave you wondering why the hell would anyone like this guy, I’ll give you this, too: 

The knock on the door doesn’t even have Bastien lifting his head out of the book he’s reading. He plucks another grape off the vine from the platter next to him and flicks his fingers – a sign Xander’s familiar with now. 

Xander holds back the sigh and desire to remind Bastien that whoever it is is there for him and that he could just as well get the door himself. But then, pointing such an obvious fact out will get him nothing but trouble, and Xander is Bastien’s bondservant. He stands and goes to open the door. 

He expects staff with a message or request, or maybe another one of Bastien’s many random friends there to knock back a bottle, as they so put it, and pull him away from the quiet of his suite and into the frenzied world of underground parties and sex and drugs. At least here, Xander can have a few moments of peace. 

Only the knock at the door hasn’t come from neither staff nor random friend. Instead, Xander finds a young woman there. Dark brown skin and chestnut eyes, she’s at least a head smaller than him but smiles up like it makes no difference.

“Um…” Xander shakes his head. Swallows down the urge to ask who the hell are you and says, “Hello.”

“Hi, there,” she greets. “You must be Xander. Is he in there?” 

Assuming that means Bastien, Xander steps to the side. Still grinning, the young woman steps into the suite and clears her throat as Xander closes the door again. The small sound she makes gets Bastien’s attention. He glances over his shoulder. A lazy, uninterested glimpse until his eyes fall upon his guest and then grow wide with surprise.

“Cas?” he murmurs. “Cassandra?”

“Hello, Bastien,” she says sweetly, raising her fingers in a little wave. 

Much to Xander’s surprise, Bastien is suddenly leaping off the settee and bounding over. 

“Cas!” he exclaims. Wraps her in such a tight, affectionate hug that Xander wonders if he might actually be dreaming. “I can’t believe you’re here! You are here, right?”

Cas chuckles and nods. “Yes, Bastien, I’m here.” 

A huge, delighted smile lights up Bastien’s face, and Xander realizes that in the weeks he’s been with him, he’s never actually seen Bastien smile. Smug curved up turns of his lips and arrogant pulls at the corners of his mouth, but never a smile. Never anything like this. 

“Oh, Cas! I’ve missed you!” Bastien goes on to say. “You have no idea how–”

As if suddenly remembering they’re not alone – and just who the company happens to be – Bastien’s eyes duck down before sliding over to Xander. He stumbles over a few words – another first, Xander’s sure, and something Bastien’s not very fond of – and then straightens with his normal, less friendly disposition upon his face. 

“Go away,” he grumbles to Xander.

Pleased with the momentary fluster in his master, Xander can’t help himself. A smirk appears. 

“Where would you like me to go?”

Bastien’s jaw tightens. “Fucked if I care. Go… roll around with a pig.” 

“I could try that,” Xander replies. “But perhaps it’d be more hygienic if just went for a swim instead. If you wouldn’t mind.” 

“Fine,” he agrees, clearly intent on getting him out of there so he can be alone with this Cas person. “Just… go. Please.”

And… that’s Xander and Bastien for now. I do hope you’re still interested :)

[bronanlynch]

bi-weekly life update time

have these past two weeks been good? not really! did I consume any media worth talking about in them? some!

listening: in honor of the Partizan post-mortem, I’ve been listening to the Partizan soundtrack so let’s talk about what an absolute fucking banger RADIOSTATIC. HIATUS. REDSKY. is. like the whole soundtrack is amazing but this one’s iconic. ominous and eerie and evil, just like the character who shows up while it’s playing

reading: mostly fanfiction tbh. I bounced off of The Longest Night by E.E. Ottoman (historical romance) despite being really excited to read it (how many t4t m/m romance novels exist? not many) because, and I mean this as respectfully as possible, it was very clear to me that it needed just one more read-through by an editor before it was published and the typos were too distracting for me to just keep reading. I’ll probably finish it eventually but not right now

favorite things I’ve read recently are my friend's extremely fun Dishonored fic about Billie and the Outsider being roommates and this incredibly cool epistolary/archival materials fic about the legacy of Sokrates from Counter/Weight written by one of my twitter mutuals for the Secret Samol exchange event

watching: more Supernatural. look, I’m unemployed and depressed, do you expect me to watch good television?

however, season 12 is uh. really bad. it’s close to being interesting sometimes, with the Mary coming back to life stuff, and damn they really turned up the queerbaiting in any episode that Cas is in (this is the season with “I love you” [shot of Dean’s face] “I love all of you”) but the British Men of Letters storyline is. well. they want to teach American hunters how to do a more efficient genocide, and yeah, they are the villains but not because of that, somehow. Sam & Dean dislike them because they have gadgets and bureaucracy and that offends their sense of American individualistic masculinity, and because one of them went rogue and tortured Sam at the beginning of the season, not because it’s absolutely horrific and evil to propose murdering every single ““monster”“ in the entire country after it’s been shown again and again that ““monsters”“ are people. also, even more fucked up considering that sometimes the beings referred to as monsters are sacred to indigenous cultures. if the BMoL were the villains because the narrative framed their goals and actions as abhorrent, that would be one thing but that’s super not how it’s framed. some guy gives a powerpoint presentation about how they’ve systematically murdered every vampire in the entire northern midwest/plains region and no one ever stops to be like “wow are we sure this is a morally ok thing to do” and at the end of that episode Sam decides that he wants to join them after all. you really do hate to see it. shout out to my roommate for very patiently letting me message them about all of the horrible nonsense that happens in this hot mess of a show.

playing: Knife of Dunwall, still. got into the Legal District finally and then had a very difficult time trying to get through Timsch’s house because he has So Many guards and servants holy shit. favorite glitch is when I shot the maid in the basement with a sleep dart and she said “oh no” and froze but didn’t fall over unconscious like she’s, y’know, supposed to when you get hit in the head with a sleep dart and you don’t know anyone is around. so I assumed she was unconscious but just didn’t fall because the game glitched but no! when I got closer she started yelling at me and I had to reload and go back and try again

making: finally doing more work on that cosplay project that I’ve been vaguely noodling away at since like June or whatever. (listen it’s very hard for me to motivate myself without a deadline and who knows when cons will come back. and it’s not even like this is an outfit I can wear around the house, it’s entirely white and we have a black cat who sheds a lot) I finally have all of the jacket mock-up pieces cut down to the right size (hopefully) except the sleeves, which means I can start sewing the mock-up 2.0 together. and worry about the sleeves later, because fuck the sleeves. I have accepted that they’re gonna be kinda messy when I sew them on, even on the real jacket, but luckily epaulettes can be used to cover many fabric crimes (EDIT: forgot that I didn’t even seam rip the bottom half of the jacket so I’ll need to do that and then I’ll need to do math so that I take away the same amount from the bottom half as I did from the top half. so I’m less far along than I thought I was. oops)

no pictures because there’s nothing to look at yet, so instead here’s Lilac, sitting on the blanket-cloak my roommate made me as an early birthday present. they thought they were making something to keep me warm, but turns out Lilac likes sitting on it more than she likes sitting behind me in my chair, so actually my roommate got me the gift of back support

writing: posted two things that had deadlines last week that I’m pretty proud of: my gift for Secret Samol about Milli & Broun becoming friends, and the fic I’ve been working on since the summer for a Persona 5 big bang which is like, part fix-it fic and part opportunity for me to be self-indulgent and pretentious. no idea what my next project is gonna be, which is kinda nice actually, to not have any deadlines looming other than uh. the important paperwork kind of deadlines lol