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goodluckkatie · 5 years

Text

Arrested Development

Total Time Lapse: Too Damn LONG

Part 1

Once upon a time......

Just kidding, my stories should start out more like…

On a dark stormy night, far out in the middle of nowhere, where no one could hear my cries…..

Because lets be real.. these recaps of my dating life are more like nightmares and this one is no exception.

This guy is a little different from the others. I actually made the mistake of him not once…… but twice!

Now I started talking to this guy originally through an app called Bumble where the women have to make the first move. We talked for a couple of weeks, but I found him to always be SO moody. I could say the littlest thing and he would flip out and throw a huge fit. I could never understand his outburst and after a short time it started getting annoying to say the least.

After a few weeks of talking and me blowing him off a few times on dates (because I was clearly annoyed with his behavior) he sent me a snap late one night.

“Who in the world is hitting me up this late at night? Its almost 3AM!”

Upon opening my phone I see I have a snap from the man himself. I open it and to my surprise I am staring at a selfie of him and a woman! They have their arms draped around each other and are smiling. They appear to be sitting in the back seat of a car and each of them have a beer in their hands. At the bottom of the picture it reads, “I found me a good woman now…..Jealous? HAHAHA”

ME? At this point I had compared his behavior to my 13 year old daughter during the week of her period. So jealousy was the farthest thing from my mind! I was almost relieved that he finally would just be gone!

I sent him back a smiley face and go back to sleep, not missing a beat.

Now, months go by, I am talking… close to a year. I never heard back from him after that night and he hadn’t crossed my mind…not once.

But then…. All of a sudden he was popping back up in my life again.

He found my profile on POF (should have known) and decided he was brave enough to message me!

His message was simple. “Do you remember me?”

Dumbass….

I didn’t feel the need to respond. I wasn’t interested in his childish games and was completely content not speaking to him. Over the next couple of days he continued messaging me though. He was insisting how sorry he was for his behavior and pleading for me to talk to him.

I finally gave in. If anything.. maybe he would get his apology out of the way and just be gone.

After a few days of him apologizing and saying he was just in a bad place at the time I started to feel bad for him. He appeared to be genuinely sorry so against my better judgement, I decided to just forget the past.

A fresh start between us… I mean if all else failed.. I could go back to ignoring him again!

Right?

A few weeks pass, and his behavior had been tip top. No outburst, kept up conversation and no couple selfies.

We were getting somewhere.

Now after talking and catching up he informed me he had moved and taken a new job. He now lived about 45 minutes away. Not necessarily a problem for me. I have dated long distance before. He was working as a maintenance supervisor for a company in the town he currently lived in. Or at least that what I was told. He didn’t give a lot of details.

Something I now know I need to ask for!

One night as we were talking he asked me to go to dinner with him. At first I declined considering all the past issues and the fact we hadn’t been talking long again but he was persistent. After finally agreeing, he apologized and asked if I was willing to come to his town for the date, as he was on call with work 24/7 and was unable to leave the area.

I understood his “situation” and agreed.

HUGE MISTAKE!

The weekend comes and after getting ready I start to head towards his town. At this point we had not discussed any plans on what we were doing. I didn’t find it odd necessarily because that was just the type of person he seemed to be.

Spontaneous.

I called him as soon as I arrived in town and he tells me to meet him in a parking lot not far from the highway. As I pull up and look around I see it is basically a shopping mall with a bunch of stores, a movie theater and a few places to eat. People were everywhere, and it was still day light, so I felt comfortable.

As I sit there waiting for him, I noticed this old blue Chevy truck hauling ass through the FULL parking lot. The truck is bouncing around in the bed as it is hitting bumps and swerving in and out of vehicles.

“This guy is an idiot driving like that.”

Then I notice the guy behind the wheel starts honking. I start looking around confused because I notice this truck is heading straight towards me. I knew this because I was parked in the back of the parking lot and there were several spaces between me and the other cars. This truck was FOR SURE heading straight towards me.

For a second, I get concerned that maybe this guy is telling me to get out of the way… maybe his breaks aren’t working.

But then, like something straight out of Fast and Furious, this guy slides into the spot beside me all while honking with one hand and waving at me with the other. I’m not even sure what hand he was driving with now that I am thinking back!

Holy shit….. this was my idiot!

So here I am again, questioning all my life choices and wondering how in the world I get in these positions every damn time!

Well... lets gets this over with...

We both exit our cars and next thing I know this 6 foot 3 inch man comes barreling at me like a bear that just found his dinner. He wraps his arms around me and picks me up in the air and spins me around.

Now you can imagine how awkward of a moment this was, he was much taller than me, his energy level was that of my 13 year old daughter who has ADHD who hadn’t taken her meds in a week and the all too obvious fact, I hardly knew him. It all happened so fast that I hadn’t even been able to move my arms, so they were hanging by my waist during this ordeal, so I looked like a limp seal.

After our weird bear and seal moment and some even more awkward introductions, he decides we are going to a little café not far from where we were to grab a bite to eat.

(Might I add, he debated the all to popular question of where to eat all on his own. And by that I mean… he had an entire conversation with himself on what sounded good, what did not sound good, places he liked and places he did not like. I never even got to provide my own input.)

Given his possibility of multiple personalities at this point and the overall concern of his hyper-ness, I insisted we take separate cars and I followed him to the restaurant.

As we sit down at a table I find myself just watching him. I could not get over the energy this man had. Not only did he talk 90 to nothing where I could hardly get a word in, but he would not stop moving. Everything was expressed with his hands and he touched EVERYTHING! And as I looked around the café I realized I was not the only one noticing his behavior because at this point… everyone was watching him.

We order our food and I start asking some questions trying to learn more.

This is when things started going from bad to worse.

I decided to ask about his job. He hadn’t told me much and I wanted to know more. I started off asking what kind of company he did maintenance for. “Well its kind of confusing but it’s basically a rehab facility.” Now that could mean drug rehab, nursing home, PT rehab, I mean there are a few possibilities, so I continued with my questions since there was still a lot of unknown answers.

Not really confusing but okay?

“Are you on call all the time, do you ever get like weekends off that you aren’t on call.” He replies, “Well not exactly.”

Okay maybe it is confusing?

About this time the food arrives. I am still unsure as to exactly what he does for work, but I am momentarily distracted by the huge plate of fries the waitress sits in from of me. It was like a small mountain and on top of that mountain was a burger that looked delicious!

I could not wait to taste it! I was starving.

I still had lots of questions regarding his employer, but I decided to put that conversation on pause and enjoy my food.

I was about half way done with my burger when I sat it down to pick up some fries.

The next thing I know……

This man slides his hand across the table and grabs the side of my plate. I am watching him thinking to myself, what in the world is he doing? Then he slides MY PLATE over to him as I was mid bite of my fry and sits it on top of his empty plate. Confused, I am still watching him like, what just happened? The next thing I know, he picks up MY burger and begins eating it. I sit there in shock thinking to myself, “WTF I wasn’t even done with that.”

In utter and complete confusion, I say “Um what are you doing, I am not done.”

He responded with something but for the life of me I don’t know what! I could not understand him with the muffled sounds coming from his mouth as he shoved the rest of my burger down his throat.

“Well I guess I AM done then!”

I sit and watch as he finishes up my dinner. I mean what else was I supposed to do at that point?

(I know what you are probably thinking… “Why not just leave?” Well that wouldn’t really make for a good story for you guys now would it? And like we have already determined from previous stories…. I am challenged when it comes to dating.)

Despite the lingering food issues, I decide to continue my conversation about his job.

Anything at this point to take my mind off what just happened.

“Do you live close to work?”

“Well…. Technically I live there at the rehab.”

And just when I think this shit show couldn’t go any further south….

#goodluckkatie #rehab #singleandfailingtomingle #notoncebuttwice

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