#noticing when someone wants something from me that I don't genuinely enjoy providing

[neverendingford]

.

[tinytinyblogs]

Welcome To The Team!

Skz has a new member and they trying to get close to you, too.

Hyung line, Maknae line

💬Thank you for taking the time to read this and provide feedback. It truly makes me happy!

Stray kids masterlist

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

Han

When you first met Han, he didn’t reveal much of himself—just a casual, polite greeting that didn’t give away much about his personality. He seemed quiet, reserved, and someone who doesn’t speak unless he really feels comfortable. It became clear that he’s the kind of person who only really opens up to people he’s close with, which made your initial conversations a bit limited. He didn’t talk much, but even so, there was something about his presence that told you he was trying. You could sense that despite the awkwardness, he genuinely wanted to connect with you, even if words didn’t come easily at first. It was subtle—small efforts, little glances, or brief comments that let you know he was pushing himself to bridge that gap. With time, that initial awkwardness began to fade, and your interactions started to flow more naturally. Slowly but surely, Han’s quiet exterior gave way to a different side of him. He casually asked, "That's pretty cool, where did you get it?" Though his comment seemed unnecessary at first, it somehow sparked a longer conversation.

Before you knew it, the two of you had fallen into a comfortable back-and-forth, and the initial awkwardness disappeared as you got more relaxed. As he grew more comfortable, his personality started to shine through. He became more open, and what once felt like small talk evolved into real conversations. You noticed him becoming more bubbly, playful, and even a little cute around you. It was as though his walls were coming down, and in place of the quiet, reserved Han you first met, was someone who felt at ease with you, allowing his true self to emerge. The transformation was subtle yet undeniable, and it made the connection between you feel even more special. Once the two of you became close, he wasn’t shy about giving you that adorable, warm smile of his. It was something you began to look forward to, as if it was his way of letting you know he felt comfortable around you. He had this ease about him, the way he could talk for hours about anything and everything, just because he genuinely enjoyed being in your company.

He often said that your presence made him feel at peace, like he didn’t have to put up any walls, and in return, he did his best to make you feel just as at ease when he was around. One thing you noticed about him was that he was always considerate in his own playful way. It wasn’t just the words he said but how he said them, with that lighthearted tone that put you at ease. Like that one time when the weather turned chilly, and he noticed you rubbing your arms to keep warm. Without a second thought, he took off his jacket, holding it out to you with that same playful grin you’d come to adore. "Here, wear my jacket—I don't want you freezing to death," he joked, his tone teasing but his actions showing how much he cared. He wasn’t just looking after you; he was trying to make sure you felt as comfortable and safe with him as he did with you, creating this effortless sense of connection that seemed to deepen each time you were together.

Felix

From the very first moment you meet Felix, there's an undeniable warmth in the air, making the encounter feel comfortable and inviting. Felix, with his naturally kind and gentle demeanor, immediately exudes a sweetness that draws you in, making you feel at ease from the start. His friendly smile and genuine interest in getting to know you create a welcoming environment where conversation seems to flow effortlessly. Rather than simply exchanging pleasantries, Felix takes the time to ask thoughtful questions, clearly curious and eager to learn more about you, the new person he's just met. His curiosity is both sincere and endearing, as he engages deeply with every response you give, showing a real interest in what you have to say. There's an ease in the way he interacts, almost as if he's trying to find those little details that will help form a connection. He’s incredibly perceptive, so if he sensed even a hint of discomfort or shyness, he’d make sure to gently guide the interaction to help the new member feel more relaxed. He’d ask them about themselves—not in an overwhelming way, but with genuine curiosity—wanting to know about their interests, what brought them to the group, and how they were adjusting to everything so far.

As you grow closer to Felix, everything about him seems even more endearing. The little things he does that might have gone unnoticed before now feel irresistibly cute. One of the moments that never fails to make your heart flutter is when he spots you from afar. His face lights up the moment he sees you, and without hesitation, he flashes that beautiful, genuine smile of his, the one that seems to light up everything around him. He waves enthusiastically, his happiness at seeing you completely unfiltered, like a burst of joy that radiates from him "How's my favorite person doing today?" he asks playfully as he gently pokes your nose. It’s not just the way he greets you that makes him special, but also the way he opens up as you get to know each other better. Felix becomes more expressive, sharing stories, thoughts, and little details about his life with an infectious energy. It's as if, with you, he feels completely at ease, able to let down any guard and reveal his softer, more vulnerable side.

He talks non-stop, eagerly sharing his passions, dreams, and even his quirks, as if you’ve become someone he can trust implicitly. The way he shares so openly and honestly makes you feel like you’re seeing a side of him that not everyone gets to see—his softer, more delicate side that makes him all the more lovable. His openness is a clear reflection of how special your bond has become, a silent acknowledgment of the trust that’s blossomed between you. With each passing moment spent together, Felix has a way of making you feel not just cherished, but truly valued in a way that feels effortless and sincere. Whether it’s the way his eyes soften when he looks at you, as if you’re the only person in the room, or the way he constantly shares his thoughts, emotions, and stories without hesitation, there's something deeply intimate about his presence. Everything he does seems to radiate with a certain warmth, as though being around you brings out a softer, more open version of himself.

Seungmin

Seungmin might initially come across as a bit reserved when meeting the new member for the first time. He’s the type of person who prefers to observe from a distance, taking his time to assess how someone fits into the group dynamic before fully engaging. His cautious nature doesn’t stem from being cold or uninterested; rather, Seungmin is thoughtful and meticulous, wanting to ensure he understands the new member's personality and how they might gel with everyone else before diving in. He watches interactions closely, paying attention to the subtle ways they navigate conversations and how they handle the newness of the situation. During this initial period, Seungmin wouldn’t be the one to immediately rush over with jokes or questions. Instead, he’d offer a polite greeting, maybe exchange a few casual words, and then step back to observe. It might seem like he’s holding back, but in reality, Seungmin is taking mental notes, figuring out how to approach the new member in a way that feels genuine and natural for both of them.

He’s not one to force interactions or engage in small talk unless he truly feels comfortable, and he gives others the space to adjust at their own pace, just as he does. However, once Seungmin begins to get a better sense of who the new member is, especially if he notices that they have a good sense of humor or a playful side, his more fun-loving personality would start to emerge. Seungmin is known for his dry wit and clever remarks, and he enjoys a good laugh, particularly when someone can match his humor. If the new member shows that they can keep up with his banter, Seungmin would quickly become more open, gradually showing his playful and teasing side. His jokes might start off subtle, but as he gets more comfortable, you’ll notice that he’s got a sharp sense of humor, often slipping in witty comments or playful teasing when you least expect it. If the new member engages with his humor, Seungmin would be more than happy to continue the back-and-forth, forming a bond through this shared sense of playfulness. His jokes might sometimes catch you off guard, delivered with a straight face that makes you question whether he’s being serious or not, but that’s part of the fun with Seungmin.

Seungmin wasn’t exaggerating when he mentioned how carefully he takes notes on everything. His memory is sharp, and he effortlessly recalls even the smallest details, whether about himself or those around him. He has a quiet, observant nature that allows him to notice things others might miss, especially when it comes to you. While he may not always show it outwardly, Seungmin silently watches you with a careful eye, picking up on your habits and quirks, even the ones you aren’t aware of. He knows you tend to misplace things often, so he’s already mentally prepared to help when something goes missing. He’s also aware of the tasks you frequently forget to complete, remembering them without needing reminders. It’s almost like he’s keeping a quiet checklist in the back of his mind, not because he wants to point out your flaws, but because he genuinely cares and wants to support you. "I might need to start attaching your phone to you soon," he says with a playful smile as he hands you the phone you left on the kitchen table.

Jeongin

Jeongin tends to be a little shy when you first meet him, often keeping to himself. He’s not the type to initiate conversation right away, usually offering just a soft "hi" or a quick greeting before retreating into quiet observation. It's not that he’s unfriendly, but rather that he prefers to take his time before engaging with people, feeling out the atmosphere. As he sits back and watches, you might catch his gaze drifting towards you more often than not. His eyes will linger, almost as if he's studying you, scanning you in his mind. It’s subtle, not in an intimidating way, but more because he’s genuinely curious about you. He wants to understand who you are before he opens up fully, and watching from a distance helps him piece together the details. His quiet demeanor, coupled with those frequent glances, makes you wonder what exactly he's thinking, as he takes everything in with quiet interest. Though he may not say much at first, his curiosity is clear, and you get the feeling that once he feels more comfortable, he’ll have a lot more to say.

As time passes, Jeongin's curiosity about you only grows deeper with each passing day. At first, he remains quietly observant, content with listening to the things you talk about, the way you express your thoughts, and the subjects that seem to occupy your mind. He becomes increasingly attuned to the details of your conversations, noting what excites or intrigues you, and the subtle emotions behind your words. It's as if he's slowly piecing together a more complete picture of who you are. Then, at just the right moment, when he feels the timing is perfect, he finally steps in to join the conversation. It’s subtle at first—he’ll start with a small comment, carefully weaving his way into the discussion, showing that he’s been paying close attention all along. As the days go by, his contributions become more frequent and thoughtful, revealing the depth of his growing interest in who you are and what you care about. His once quiet presence turns into something more meaningful, as he becomes increasingly eager to engage with you on a deeper level, no longer content with simply watching from the sidelines.

As you and Jeongin grow closer, his thoughtful nature becomes increasingly apparent. He always seems to be looking out for you in subtle but meaningful ways. Whenever he gets something to eat or drink, his eyes naturally land on you first, checking if you’re comfortable "Want some? It's not too spicy, you should eat something. Let's share," he said with a gentle smile.. Without fail, he’ll ask if you want something as well, or sometimes, he’ll even offer you a bite, gently feeding you with a playful smile. His attentiveness feels effortless, as if caring for you has become second nature. What makes these moments even more special is the way he looks at you. His gaze is soft and full of warmth, like you’re the most important person in the room. It’s clear that he’s always aware of you, even in the smallest details. And when you catch his eye and smile back, he smiles too, his expression lighting up as if your happiness brings him joy. Through these little acts of care, it’s clear that Jeongin’s affection for you runs deep, showing just how much you truly mean to him.

[harunayuuka2060]

*Malleus noticed that MC had been smiling more in the past few weeks, but they only displayed that bright smile when they were with Silver or if the topic was about him.*

Malleus: *listening in on MC and Silver's conversation; standing right outside their room*

Silver: I've brought some food prepared by Jamil Viper. He serves as the vice-housewarden of Scarabia, and he's truly a talented cook.

MC: That's quite a generous portion. Wouldn't it be nice to share this with everyone else?

Silver: I see. Unfortunately, Lilia intends to add something to the food according to his palate.

MC: *chuckles* Are you saying Lilia has a weird taste when it comes to food?

Silver: *smiles* Something like that.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *walks away*

Silver: By the way, there's an upcoming event in our school.

MC: Malleus told me.

Silver: I understand it's hard for you to leave Diasomnia. Nonetheless, I'll make sure to remind Malleus to attend the event, so you both can enjoy it together.

MC: Thank you, Silver. I'll be looking forward to it.

Malleus: How are you, my love?

MC: Malleus— *noticed that he's carrying a box*

MC: What is it you're holding?

Malleus: Ah. This is a magical device. It has the ability to display events occurring beyond these walls.

Malleus: It would certainly make things easier for you, as there would be no need to step out of this room.

MC: ...

MC: But Malleus—

Malleus: I'm concerned about your well-being.

MC: ...

MC: There's an event that I would like to attend with you.

MC: I do understand that this method is more convenient.

MC: Nevertheless, I'd really cherish the chance to share this experience alongside you.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Do you genuinely want to accompany me, and not someone else?

MC: *looks slightly confused* *but then nodded*

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *smiles* *sets the box down and sits next to them*

Malleus: ...

Malleus: I'll do everything for you.

MC: ...

MC: *lays their hand upon his* Please don't do it excessively.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *locks the door with his magic*

MC: Huh—

Malleus: I want to hold you in my arms. With no interruptions.

MC: I understand.

Malleus: *snuggles against them*

MC: ...

MC: *starts to gently rub his back*

Malleus: *smiles in satisfaction*

Crowley: We are anticipating the arrival of guests traveling from somewhere far. Mr. Riddle, would you mind explaining further?

Riddle: I don't mind, headmage.

Riddle: These guests have requested this event for a single purpose and that is to commemorate someone from their lineage.

Idia: A commemoration?

Crowley: Yes. They provided me with a glimpse of their narrative. In times past, there existed an individual within their lineage who possessed the ability to journey through dreams, effectively possessing immortality. However, one fateful day, the body that had been safeguarded vanished without a trace.

Riddle: The attendees will primarily oversee the event, requiring only minimal assistance from our end.

Riddle: Our primary responsibility revolves around ensuring the seamless execution of the event.

Leona: *yawns* As long as we don't need to work, I guess I'm fine with that.

Vil: You never fail to show your laziness, Leona.

Azul: It's a chance for me to expand my business.

Kalim: I am excited for this event!

Crowley: Vanrouge? Will Draconia be attending? He's been busy since he got married.

Lilia: Of course. He has his spouse's approval. *chuckles*

Malleus: *smiles while caressing their cheek and gazing at their sleeping face*

Malleus: *speaks softly as to not awaken them*

Malleus: I never imagined that we would one day arrive at this beautiful moment together.

Malleus: *kissing their forehead* *wrapping them in his arms*

Malleus: My love...

Malleus: Now I will never have doubts that you are mine.

[thatfandomslut]

All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before

Gretchen Wieners x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Trigger Warning: just a bunch of fluff

Request:

Hello, there! I don't know if this request will reach you or not, but I would like to request some Gretchen Wieners x reader fluff please, thank you! Inspired by All Of The Girls You've Loved Before by Taylor Swift

Mean Girls requests are open.

"Who wrote that?" Gretchen wondered, flipping through (Y/n)'s yearbook. The pink ink glistened on the page with red hearts floating around the name, (Y/n)'s name. The yearbook in Gretchen's hand was dated back to their freshman year, but the pink, flowing cursive made her feel ill with the recognizable feeling of jealousy.

(Y/n) rolled over from her back, and looked over at the book curiously. A hum escaped her lips as she recognized the handwriting. "This was back in freshman year when I was dating Emily." (Y/n) said casually. It was one of those fourteen-year-old relationships where you think you will be together forever. Of course, in the long run, it wasn't healthy, and it ended in text and approximately two days in bed before they both had developed crushes on someone new.

Gretchen didn't experience this kind of relationship. She had situationships like Jason's. She couldn't think back to when she didn't have feelings for (Y/n). Even though she's liked (Y/n) since middle school, it was their sophomore year that those feelings started to blossom fully. Then during the summer between their sophomore and junior years, (Y/n) and Gretchen became official. Gretchen almost forgot about all of the relationships (Y/n) had before them.

(Y/n) noticed the thoughtful pout on Gretchen's lips and gently took the book from her hands and closed it. "Gretchen," she called for the girl's attention, smiling a bit when Gretchen's coffee-colored eyes met hers. "You know, if we had gotten together earlier, this relationship wouldn't be as healthy as it is. I had to mature before I got to where I am now. I grew from those relationships in order to be the person I am today with you." (Y/n) said softly, cupping the girl's cup before placing a soft kiss on Gretchen's pout. Thankfully, this seemed to satisfy Gretchen as she kissed back.

Gretchen had realized that (Y/n) was right. They had been friends during all of the relationships (Y/n) dabbled in before they became official. She has witnessed this growth and maturity. Gretchen also grew during that time. Thankful for her words of reassurance, Gretchen pulled away, pressing a soft kiss to (Y/n)'s nose. "I grew during that time, too. I was in a toxic situationship with Jason, and he treated me horribly. You are the first and only person who has ever treated me like a person who deserved a good and healthy love." Gretchen confessed with a soft smile.

"I'm glad I can provide that for you, baby. You genuinely deserve the world, and I want to give that to you." (Y/n) moved to sit up, stretching slightly, her muscles tight from the position she was in on the bed. "Do you want to watch a movie and cuddle?"

Gretchen grinned wider at this. (Y/n) knew her well. Gretchen practically launched herself into (Y/n)'s arms causing the two to laugh as (Y/n) held her close. "Can we watch Clueless again?" She questioned, hoping (Y/n) would agree to this. After all, they watched it once every week. Unfortunately for (Y/n), it was a movie that Gretchen never grew tired of. (Y/n) nodded softly, kissing her girlfriend's temple before flipping on the movie for her. The room's previous tensions were now completely settled as the two enjoyed the movie.

(Y/n) could always appreciate how she and Gretchen communicated their feelings. She knew that Gretchen struggled with the idea of her and her past relationships. And, that was something (Y/n) understood. She heard an earful from Regina about how Gretchen had been crushing on her for years and she needed to 'woman up' and ask her out. (Y/n) was nervous to go out with Gretchen. She had only been in unhealthy relationships before her, but this has been the most amazing relationship she has ever been in. She was determined to spend forever with the honey-blonde girl in her arms.

Gretchen looked up at (Y/n) as she noticed the girl lost in thought. Her focus was obviously not on the movie. "What's on your mind?" Gretchen questioned softly, her hand gently moving to take (Y/n)'s. She always liked to know what was on (Y/n)'s mind. She lived for her girlfriend's thoughts and ideas.

(Y/n) bit her lips with a smile as her cheeks heated up. "Would it be too cheesy if I said you? I was thinking about how lucky I am to be with you. I'm just thankful for you, and in a way, Regina for pushing me to finally ask you out." She confessed before leaning her head back to rest on the pillows behind her. She didn't mean to get caught so zoned out, but Gretchen was someone who was incredibly observant.

Gretchen smiled at (Y/n)'s answer, squeezing her hand. "It is a bit cheesy, yes, but… It's also very cute, and it's nice to hear that you feel that way about me and for me." Gretchen responded, meeting eyes with (Y/n). The action would always take her breath away. "I feel the same way towards you. Also, I'm thankful for Regina, too. I love you." She said happily, leaning up to pepper (Y/n)'s face with kisses, causing the girl to laugh happily at the action.

"I love you, too, Gretchen," she said as her heart felt warm, the fluttering feeling in her stomach returning. It always came when she and Gretchen were acting like this. Both had forgotten about the movie playing in the background once Gretchen's lips landed onto (Y/n)'s. Both of their heartbeats accelerated but they were still in sync. The feeling of love and happiness filled the room as the two kept each other close, as they always did. At that moment, they felt lucky and a sheer amount of love that could end a war. It was evident to the both of them how much they wanted and needed each other, and how important it was to grow from all of the relationships they've had in the past.

[vanitas-no-carter-fanfics]

Reader telling Vanitas that they like his affection because they never had someone show affection towards them or had anyone that made them feel loved

Happy to do this! It sound really wholesome so I'd love to write this, it will start are little angsty but it will get better and wholesome.

-J ----------------- -----------------

It was getting hard day by day for (Name) she couldn't stop that cold hold around her that made her feel so lonely. That light she would often fight for it to stay flickering even if that flame was slowly suffocating, but it was becoming too much. She wanted that warmth so desperately but with nights light this as she stood at a railing of her balcony she wanted nothing more than to simply let that flicker of a flame finally suffer out.

A simple touch on her face, hair being moved behind her ear. It startled her. She was unaware of a certain someone dropping in unannounced. Vanitas was smiling at her in that feline way when he felt mischievous-- (Name) was surprised and once she registered it was Vanitas she forced a smile. The man with the blue eyes noticed the forced smile. It never went past him. He always had eyes for her and so he was so in tuned to notice the subtle shifts in her features. His feline smile soften as he now rested his hand on her cheek. It was then he felt the way she seemed to lean into his touch.

"You seem to surprise me even now" he said softly as he watched her "If I knew any better I would say that you enjoy my touch" He said playfully but he noticed the way she moved from his touch as she turned her attention to the view her balcony offered in the nightfall. "I do enjoy it..." she said softly her arms folded on the railing. Vanitas was quiet as he followed suit as he leaned with his arms folded on the railing. He then felt how (Name) leaned her head on his shoulder her smiling was more genuine but it was a sad smile as she watched the sky. "At first it did surprise me" she said softly "But the more you would would hold me or compliment me I slowly started to accept it... I started to look forward to your words and your touch" Vanitas looked down at her, taking in her features at how she talked about their dynamic. He could have chosen to be playful and tease her for the way she spoke but something told him to take this seriously for once. "For someone so is so warm towards others you make it sound like no one has ever shown you affection" he said softly. (Name) looked up to see his stare on her. She smiled sadly with a small shrug "You're right... I've never had any affection show to me" she said softly before looking back to the view of the night sky. Vanitas noticed a subtle shiver. Taking off his cloak he wrapped it around her as he wrapped an arm around her his hand rubbing her arm to warm her up. "I know you don't like showing vulnerability" she said with a small fond smile to herself by his actions "but I do appreciate what you do for me even if you'd hate to admit it... but you have shown me love and affection that I have never had the experience of having" Vanitas was quiet but he smiled softly. He felt warmth bubble up inside of him as he tried to hide the smile on his face.

(Name) turned to look at him with a fond smile on her face. She was grateful for Vanitas. From how she felt before she was feeling that warmth that only seemed to provide her that made that licker of a flame grow stronger "Thank you for being here Vanitas" she said with fondness. Vanitas secretly liked the fact that he could be someone that people could rely on. He may hate humans and vampires alike but something about (Name) made him think that maybe if he had to accept someone he would with out a doubt accept (Name) in a heart beat "Then you can count on me (Name)" he said looking down at her with a big smile.

[field-of-paper-flowers]

Hey, can I get uuuuhh, general fluffy headcanons for Bain and/or Wolf with a male reader who's also a heister. Thanks in advance !

Insert "Both? Both is good" GIF here.

For some of these, I had to give our heister a little personality or backstory, but I try to keep them generic so everyone can enjoy.

Bain:

Bain is tall. This is important because when he goes to hug his partner, he'll rest his head on his head.

He'll get Bain's soft beard nestled in his hair.

When they're cuddled together, he'll run his fingers through Bain's hair. It's one of Bain's favorite forms of physical, non-sexual, intimacy.

Bain brought him in because he realized that in a group of talented heisters, most of them were...a little rough around the edges. They needed someone who could talk. Someone who could bullshit. Someone who could charm.

This man is a known hustler, a tongue of silver and dashing good looks.

Bain brings him in, but absolutely professional. He realizes he finds the man attractive, but he doesn't make decisions about the gang base on his feelings.

Besides, the fact Bain found him attractive was a good thing, right? That means he was most likely a good choice.

Despite being a con man, the heister is actually a great crew mate with a fantastic sense of humor. He seems to actually care for the other members of the Gang and works seamlessly with most of them.

He and Bain start talking more and more. About the plans for heists. Simple, casual chatter during calm moments during the heists. And Bain starts to realize how much he enjoys his little chats.

Con man heister is the one to make the first move, because, let's be real, our boy Bain would just sit with his feelings forever.

Heister gets great joy out of making Bain tongue-tied with his charm. He thinks there is nothing cuter than watching a man obsessed with control, lose said control over a playful bout of flirting.

As the relationship progresses, it would feel like a battle for control. Both men are talented heisters, each with their own unique skills. Men like that aren't ones to let the other get a leg up.

But it's mostly in good fun, because at the end of the day, Bain is actually a very caring partner. He will give a lot of his time and energy to making sure his partner is safe and happy.

Sometimes too much. Bain is also a man who pushes himself way too hard.

A good way to lure Bain into relaxing is food. The man has to eat. So if our heister makes or obtains a delicious meal, he can lure Bain away from his constant planning and worrying. Even if only for a bit.

Wolf:

As Wolf first starts developing feelings, he is freaked out.

He hasn't even considered the idea of finding a romantic partner because, well, heist life.

But as they go on heists together, he can't help but notice that his eyes keep looking over at this man.

"He is a goddamn grown man, he shouldn't get butterflies in his stomach while sitting next to him in the van," his thoughts would yell at him.

But he does.

Wolf is not subtle.

Like, the second he realizes he has these weird feelings, it becomes super obvious. Our awkward boy dials the awkward up to 11.

Heister finds it really cute. Wolf's awkward words and movements show our heister exactly how nervous Wolf is around him.

Heister would approach Wolf during one of his little awkward times and say something along the lines of, "You know, I don't need fancy words if you want to ask me out on a date. And I'll go ahead and answer the question anyway, 'It sounds great. Something quiet, yeah? How about drinks in my room?'"

While this would absolutely short-circuit Wolf, he would genuinely appreciate how the heister seemed to understand the chaos and panic that was going on in his head.

Over time, Wolf relaxes around him. Heister doesn't magically fix the chaos in Wolf's mind, but he quiets it. Like a weighted blanket.

Which in turn, turns into heister laying on Wolf, or pressing his weight against him when they cuddle or snuggle. His weight providing a sense of security and grounding.

I jotted down an idea I had while super sleep-deprived, while forgetting this was for Bain x Male!Heister and Wolf x Male!Heister and not Bain/Wolf. But I liked it, so bonus headcanon:

Bain would be weirdly defensive if other heisters are mean to Wolf.

(Because let's be real, everyone basically just openly talks about how crazy Wolf is. Whether he is right there or not.)

[invisiblegarters]

"I know I'm like the one person who thinks so but come ON they can BOTH do the job stop giving it to just one." You are not the only one, I thought the exact same thing when I watched the trailer for the first time, like oh, so Khao's character gets an emotional story about grief and family and First gets... a character that can talk to cats, okay.

Listen, I love them together, I truly do, but I am tired, and I can't help but think First would be better off without a fixed CP. But I also don't get it because, as you said, The Eclipse exists! They could very much both have emotionally compelling stories, and I don't understand why First doesn't get them.

Aside for that fact, it irritates me how I barely see any FK fan bringing this up, you are supposed to care about both, do you really not see the pattern? Or you do but don't care ofc, which is what I suspect is happening.

Today was not a great day for me in general, and I actually cried a little from frustration because of this lol, I feel unwelcome in the FK fandom because I don't see anyone caring about this (and if someone says anything, they get shut down and accused of being a Khao anti, like what?) I feel so alone in this, and I end up not enjoying their shows because it's the only I can notice.

I guess the only thing I can do is move on tbh, because nothing is gonna change and the fandom also doesn't seem to want it to change, so…

Aw, non. I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I hope things get better for you soon.

I am not blaming fans. Of course they don't notice or care; why would they? Their bias is getting the good stuff, so there's no reason for them to be upset. We only complain when we're dissatisfied with something, after all, and for most people this is only how it should be. And to be fair, I can't say with any certainty that I would care overmuch if the situation were reversed, although we might be hearing about how unfair it is a lot more. 🤣

I think part of it is that The Eclipse is based on a novel. I haven't read the novel yet but my guess is that Akk and Aye are both fully realized characters in a way that the OG stuff maybe...doesn't really even try to do, lol. We are lucky in that First is great and he can't help but make a flat, one dimensional character feel real and nuanced, but I'mma be frank, I've made the complaint before that his characters have been paper thin since The Eclipse. So because they've been doing OG stuff, we tend to get what the majority wants, and well...the majority wants Khaotung. He's the one who gets the awards, after all. He's the one fandom never stops talking about. It's not like they don't pay attention to what people respond to, you know? Hell, people have said it themselves, this show is exactly what the fandom wants. Khaotung to give the emotional resonance and First there to be pretty and provide emotional support. 🤷

It sucks, but I always seem to fall for the less popular ones, so I'm kinda used to it. Won't stop me getting irritated sometimes, but what can you do. Genuine advice, if you want it: find a like minded mutual or two that you can commiserate with, or even one who doesn't care at all about FK but is willing to let you let off a little steam. It really helps. But also get one that will tell you if the bitterness is getting too out of control, lol.

One other thing I will say is if this is making you that upset, maybe do quit for a while. It's not that serious, non...or at least it shouldn't be to us. The only person that it really impacts is First, and he seems to be one of those delightful people who is able to be happy with what he has even as he works hard to improve and challenge himself and earn those accolades that he hasn't gotten yet. Would that we could all have that mentality, but it's a rare one.

The world's not a fair place at all, but I have every confidence First's time will come.

[canon-fcdder]

"I noticed you and your dad have a similar sense of style," Hazel blurts, unable to keep it to herself any longer. She's tried giving Dev space, but it's hard. He's her friend (she hopes) and she misses him. "It's funny 'cause guess what?! My sweater is actually my brother's sweater! We both have hand-me-downs! Or matchies, or whatever. And, well, I know your birthday didn't go how you wanted, so I thought I would get you one last thing. I know it's not a lot, but... matchies, right?" And she pulls out a friendship bracelet, carefully handmade in white and gold. "The colors match your dad and your outfit. But the pattern matches the one on my wrist! Happy birthday, Dev." (From Calvin) - ✧ ˖ ˙ 「 @honeydewmuses 」 ˙ ˖ ✧

「 ☆ 」 Go figure Hazel hasn't talked to him since the birthday fiasco. Not that he WANTS her to. Ever since he was dumb enough to let her work her way into his head— like a precocious worm in an apple —it's been nothing but trouble... Okay, not NOTHING but trouble. There's been some fun too. Some feeling like a person genuinely enjoyed being around him. Maybe even liked him rather than what he could provide, either through his father's money or influence. But all the nice COMBINED can't compared to the crushing weight of the bad.

Of the uncertainty and unfairness and utter betrayal of STEALING his dad's attention— every shred of extra energy the man had ( and there's not much of it to begin with ) , aimed at the other kid instead of... And she didn't even have the decency to admit it! Caught red-handed, having used magic to get close to him just so... so she could play him for a fool, probably. Laugh at him with her two fairies. Ones she apparently deserved before HE did. As if she didn't have enough people who cared about her. Dev didn't even have ONE... So why did it take so long? Why did he have to hurt so much before someone decided to do anything about it?

... Why is he still miserable? FEELS like he has nothing, when he's supposed to have everything? If one were to look at his life on paper, they'd see no reason to complain. But it seems like- that's all he does. No wonder his dad hates him. Maybe not even that. Maybe he doesn't think about him at all. No wonder Hazel left him. ( true, he had told her to leave. but the last time they had an argument, she hadn't sought him out either. SHE had been the one mad at the time, so maybe it was his job to do so? if that's the case... then in THIS instance, she's supposed to come to HIM... right? ) No wonder Peri probably wishes he was assigned to ANY other kid in the world.

Fine. Who needs them?

Startling when Hazel's voice suddenly invades his brooding, Dev scrambles to keep his glasses from falling off from the jostle. Cheeks heating up from the comical gesture, he turns to fully face Hazel with a huff. Glaring from behind his shades, he hopes the furrow of his brow and crossed arms gets the message across, since his eyes are obscured. They HAVE to be, unless he wants Hazel to notice the tears beading at the edges. Frown tightens as he fights the quiver of a bottom lip, fervently reminding himself that big kids DON'T cry. Especially not because of something as silly as being reminded about how little their dads care about them.

❝ Dimmadomes don't wear ❛ hand-me-downs ❜ — ❞ He sharply retorts once Hazel has finished her spiel, unceremoniously snatching the ❛ friendship ❜ bracelet from her. They just wear the clothes assigned to them. From the style to the color scheme, Dev can't recall choosing his own. Honestly, he doesn't know how much he actually LIKES what he wears. Never considered it. White and gold were colors always associated with the Dimmadome name. They look pleasant together. Look right... Whether that's because of familiarity or personal taste, Dev doubts he'll ever know. He doesn't want nor does he need to.

Things like favorite colors are little kid stuff, anyway.

❝ —and they don't wear garbage on their wrists either. ❞ Arm raises as if to throw the gift back at Hazel, but his clenched fist refuses to let go. No matter how much he silently insists he WANTS to. Shaking with frustration, he hastily shoves the bracelet into his jacket pocket instead in the hope his inability will go unnoticed. Or at least ignored. ❝ Why are you even doing this? What- you feel sorry for me or something? Ooh, ❛ poor pathetic Dev had the worst birthday ever so now I'm gonna make him feel even WORSE by treating him like some kicked puppy I found on the street ❜ . Well newsflash, Hooplah— ❞

He spats out the name with venom, taking a step forward and pointing an accusatory finger in the hope it'll make her back away, ❝ I don't NEED you to try and make me feel better! I don't need anyone to! Because I don't feel bad! Not even a little bit! I'm FINE and I know I'm yelling but that's just because I know you won't believe me unless I say it really loudly! ❞ Don't mind the voice crack. Don't mind the quickening of his breath. Don't mind the tears now fogging his gaze, Dev grateful for his glasses but terrified of them slipping free and down his face.

He's fine... and even if he wasn't, he can't admit it to anyone.

Certainly not to someone who could leave him at ANY moment, should she decide to... Best to make the decision for her. 「 ☆ 」

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I am extremely sad and missing all the boys, but I have to say, for the first time in a while, the fandom these past couple days has been very enjoyable to be in, and has provided me the most comfort through my sadness. I love the energy that is happening around OT7 content.

Enjoying being an Army and an OT7 right now, when just a couple months ago I was seriously contemplating if I could call myself that anymore is an interesting feeling. I love all 7 so much, but even still, I was very much sucked in by solo rhetoric for a bit. I have a bad habit of 'wanting to see all sides' of things, and wanting to see what everyone is saying so I can create a less naive, more informed opinion about something, but at some point while doing that I started getting sucked in. I didn't want it to, I'd step away for a day when I'd notice myself getting angry or some of it sort of got shaken loose when they'd hate on another member, but only temporarily, and then I'd find myself back at it looking at solo content again, so instead I just felt kind of guilty occasionally reading somewhat snarky remarks made about people I felt so much affection for (I never was able to deal with the genuinely hateful ones, just the ones that made snide comments now and again).

The thing that finally snapped me out of it was reading a different member's solos claims. They sounded absolutely ridiculous, and were almost verbatim what the solos I'd been reading think pieces from for the last three months were saying. Being able to stand on the outside of those claims, knowing they're nonsense, forced me to acknowledge the similarities and the hooks in my brain finally came loose.

I was never posting negative thoughts, or #ARMYDONTRESPECTX #HYBERESPECTX, and I definitely wasn't joining in on any of the hate toward any of the members (I own and stream every member's solo albums, solos could never make me hate them, it was always way more about how I felt about ARMY's feelings/treatment of the members).

I know that you think people who fall for solo rhetoric are unintelligent, and would have ended up like that anyway. But, as someone who was actually very distressed knowing I was headed down that path but was also unable to pull myself out of that place for a while, I went to blogs like yours and other similar ones hoping to find thoughts that could help me break the bitterness but even if I understood and even agreed with a lot of things you or others said. it never provided me with the answers I'd hoped for. It was only until I was able to hold a mirror up to myself that so many of my questions went away. I understand why ARMY have no desire to give an ounce of space to most solos, and I don't think that's an incorrect thing to do. But I do think that, more than people being stupid and predisposed for hatred/solo stanning, a lot of people have questions or concerns, and unfortunately, find answers in the worst spaces in the fandom.

I don't have a solution to keep this from happening, only that maybe if you post this maybe someone who is also struggling with those feelings might see this and relate and maybe can start work on realizing that ARMY may not have the answers to your questions, but neither do solos. You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.

Anyway, stream No More Dream and Attack on Bangtan, and Standing Next to You and Like Crazy, and Slow Dancing, and Hageum, and The Astronaut and Wildflower, and Arson, or whatever songs are your favorite, go listen and be happy, BTS is great and getting to be a fan of all of them, collectively and separately, is great, listening to their discography or watching original content is probably the best answer to most questions anyone may have.

***

“You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.”

This is what I thought I’d been communicating for the last year, but I suppose it’s one thing to read someone else write it, and another thing to experience for yourself.

I think BTS is the most (and best) documented Korean artist in recent times, whether filmed footage or written interviews, there’s no other k-pop group or idol that’s been as filmed or interviewed as BTS, and they are actually fairly consistent in their views about the group and about themselves. Everything required to understand the kind of group BTS is, is right there. And so when I see people struggle, I just take it as an indication of the limits on their capacity to get it. Some reasons for those limits might be due to language and prior experiences, things that aren’t their fault exactly, but it is what it is.

It’s encouraging to read you were able to pull yourself out of that mind muck. Like some other Anon said, it’s far easier to go from ARMY to solo than the other way around, so I don’t take it for granted that you’ve found your way back. At least for now lol.

Thanks for the write-in. Here’s to hoping more people find their way out.

Enjoy the calm the fandom is experiencing right now. We both know it’s temporary lol (until we get the next major release and then the madness starts all over again). I wish both you and me luck navigating the madness the second go around.

[bunny-hoodlum]

Saw you mention ADHD inattentive? And I had not heard the specific kind of adhd but what you described sounds true to me (also can’t do a diagnosis right now). But I’d consider myself a very creative person. I want to create freely like I did as a child, improve, and excel but I struggle with the motivation. I end up scrolling on my phone or watching tv. How do you manage that or deal with it without being hard on yourself? Thank you for your time!

So I've been looking into ADHD more seriously in the past three years. I've had bouts of anhedonia and the most recent one last for two years and it got to the point where I couldn't even watch or read two-seconds of anything without it feeling utterly painful and I had no idea what the hell that was about. But I at least had the awareness after it happened often enough that my attention span was fucked and I genuinely didn't seen to latch onto or enjoy anything anymore and I thought 'Wow, guess this is adulthood for me, sheesh'.

I also thought back to myself as kid growing up, some things I knew I did and some things I did that had been told me. Apparently my dad thought I might be autistic when I was 4, but never followed up on that. Nobody cared that I was a good test taker but rarely ever turned in homework. Oh, ooh, she must just not care, wah. My mom told me stories as an infant that align with me being an HSP baby, and I def have Rejection Dysphoria which is kinda getting better but sometimes still results in petty Splitting spirals. 😅

Sorry, none of this has to do with your question but maybe it'll useful to someone else. 😅

So the funny thing is, I am not addicted to social media. 😭 I barely use it. So I don't have anything personal I provide about that, but you could try going minimal on your phone. Just dummy the hell out of it. Remove apps, etc. I know companies be breaking how their shit works on mobile browser, at least for me, the site gets app-blocked basically. "Open in App", "Get our App", ugh. 🙄😮‍💨 But when you make distractions harder to get to, you can readjust your reliance on it. Backtracking slightly, I used this method to cut off my 'addiction' to Reddit. I still rly don't get hooked on socmed otherwise. 🤔 I always bookmark stuff or keep the tabs open, and say I'll get to it later. 😅 I'm always accruing things for myself or some creative endeavor. I kinda relate to Markiplier in that way, that the only time he hangs with his friends or makes friends is if it's during a project. His whole life rotates around the next idea and the next idea. 😅 Forgive me, I'm rambling quite a bit.

Tldr; make distractions more inconvenient, lol.

If you feel like your symptoms are unmanageable, their could be other disorders that you need to take care of. Some ADHD-havers need stimulants and others need anti-depressants.

I'm a stimulant-type. I started taking a $30 B-complex supplement when I noticed that Monster energy made me feel better. I get high caffeine blend plus 2 shots of espresso from my preferred gas station. As a female, I had to pay attention to my PMS symptoms making me sleepier than ever. Some shit got out of balance and I was a goner for the following two weeks.

Your next question about not beating yourself up. My suggestion is trying meditation, maybe getting an ONO roller or something like it, something to make your hands busy when you're trying to devote your attention to something. Just focus on clearing away the background processes of anxiety in your internal task manager and try to visualize how you'll feel when you get that thing done.

Like, I still procrastinate on folding the laundry. It'll literally take me 20 mins or less and I can watch videos while I do it, but I just don't for rly no good reason. 😅 But it's better to feel guilty while doing the thing you've been avoiding, then feeling better after becuz it's done. And then maybe the guilt lessens becuz you've created this routine and positive association, 'Hey, I can do this thing. Hey, this actually takes no time at all.' You know?

I'm no expert and everyone's experience is different. But I recommend looking into it more for yourself. The HowToADHD channel is a pretty good one to start with. They are like the definitive channel for sure. I know that Dr. K put out smthn a couple years ago as well, but all in all, you can only do your best and try to retrain how you do things. There's stuff too like the Pomodoro Effect... 🤔 Just try to find what works for you! Even rn I'm so distracted with writing that I haven't been drawing at all, so I'm just managing myself, pretty much just scraping by. 😅

Oh yeah, I started opening all the cabinets to make putting dishes away easier. Idk if that's useful to you, lol. ADHD requires quirky solutions, haha.

Sorry this turned out so long! I'm wishing you all the luck! 🙏🤗

[novoaa1writes]

hiya!! just wanted to say i am absolutely losing my mind over your writing, genuinely its a masterclass in writing. i aspire to your level of creating a scene and wonder if you have any tips on writing for the things you enjoy / in general? any and all tips are so so appreciated. thank you again for sharing your talents with us. - <3

omg omggg i love it when people ask me things, and yes absolutely, i have some tips that (i hope) are helpful to you

i got a bit long-winded with it, so i'll put it under the cut.

without further ado:

the thesaurus is your friend. any time i'm writing—whether it's an essay for school, or fanfiction, or occasionally even an e-mail to someone i don't know terribly well—you best believe i'm switching from one tab (google docs, e-mail, etc.) to the other (thesaurus.com) like it's a professional sport. it's a quick, easy, and effective way to switch up your writing by avoiding redundancies in word choice.

read, read, read, and then go read some more. ever since i was quite young, i've done quite well at written assignments of all kinds—fiction writing, research papers, etc. i don't say that to brag; i say that to set up the following point: i truly believe that so much of what makes writing come somewhat naturally to me now is a credit to the many hours, days, years i spent with my nose so far into the spine of a book, it's a wonder i ever got it back out again. i look at my writing now, and i'm able to pinpoint a number of patterns that can be traced directly back to the writing styles of authors i admire. reading the work of others—whether it be fanfiction or a published novel—will give you a better sense for what flows and what doesn't, what evokes emotion in readers and what merely provides filler, what you wish to emulate and what you wish to do differently.

be experimental! don't be afraid to switch around word order, or utilize dialogue in lieu of descriptive text, or alter the flow of the narrative from the typical linear plot convention. especially when we speak of fanfiction, there are a lot of exceedingly common "-ism"s (phrases, word choice, etc.) that appear again and again across the board in a large majority of works—which isn't necessarily a bad thing, to be clear. that said, it does sometimes complicate matters if a goal of yours is to make your writing stick out. and honestly, if you try something and it doesn't work, who cares? writing is a continual exercise in learning. but if you try something, and it does work? hoooly shit. it's a great feeling.

proper grammar, spelling, and formatting are not the be-all and end-all. sure, when i'm reading a fic, it doesn't escape my notice if the grammar is wrong, or a word is used incorrectly, or the formatting choices do not match up with what i might've opted for. but guess what? i'm not the author, i'm not their beta reader, and unless they specifically asked for that feedback, it's not my place to give it. what's more: good writing is not synonymous with quote-unquote "proper" writing. (see: prescriptivism.) for me, barring the case in which the prevalence of writing errors renders the work completely unreadable (which has literally never happened), i don't actually give a shit if the author wrote "your" when it should've been "you're." phonetically, it's the same. plus, english is hard, even for native speakers! (this goes for any language, mind you.) if the concept of the story is good, and it's compelling enough to keep me clicking that "next chapter" button, you best believe i'll continue doing exactly that—and enjoy the hell out of it.

proper grammar, spelling, and formatting are not the be-all and end-all—to a point. i know, i know, i just said they weren't- look, i'll explain. and, as a brief caveat: this is highly dependent on how much the breadth of the audience you're trying to reach matters to you. that said, let's get into it. on numerous occasions, i've seen fanfiction readers (particularly on tumblr) post about instances where the formatting of certain fics has actively discouraged them from reading. especially paragraph breaks. and, in the case of the tumblr site itself, including a "read more" for fic posting. although i have and continue to read fics that make minimal use of paragraph breaks, and/or don't include a "read more," there have been occasions where i've seen these formatting choices and have elected to simply not read the fic. if it's on ao3, i'll often mark it for later, but at this point, my "marked for later" list has surpassed a mile wide, and there's no telling when i'll return to it—if i ever do. proper grammar and spelling are less of an issue, it seems, but formatting can prove to be a deciding factor in whether or not people take the time to read what you've written.

write for you, not for anyone else. if you're a fic writer, requests are a great way to engage with your readers. however, you shouldn't write them for the sole purpose of appeasing said readers—especially not at your own expense. i've seen a number of writers who, after starting an intensive schedule to fulfill requests from their followers/readers on a consistent basis (weekly, daily, etc.), eventually burn out, deactivate their account, and go on hiatus—sometimes indefinitely. so, take care of yourself. never forget why you started writing and, if applicable, publishing your works. to this day, i have yet to meet a single writer whose motivations for writing have simply been recognition and renown. sure, that can certainly constitute some part of it, but above all else, we do this shit because we love it. so, take your breaks. pace yourself. write what you want to write. you, and the writing you produce, will be better for it.

alright, those are all the points i could think up for now. again, i did get slightly long-winded with it, as i'm wont to do, but i did my best to not ramble. also, most of the examples i used had to do more with fanfiction than any other type of writing, so i hope that was okay. you're welcome to message me if you wanna chat any more about this (or anything else, really)!

anyway, thank you for this absolutely lovely ask. it made my week <3

[wildernessuntothemselves]

This is gonna be disorganized, so bear with me.

I actually thought your characters were well developed. They all had backgrounds and experiences that were aligned with their motives and mindset. As for consistency, I don’t know?? I don’t think anything the characters did were out of character for the way they were written? Did they do dumb things that not everyone would agree with? Yes, but people do dumb things you don’t want them to do all the time. I find consistency to be a confusing term bc I don’t think real people are all that consistent either. In that sometimes we act out of character depending on the circumstances. Unless a character does something they were completely opposed to (with no reason for them to have a change in their views) then I don’t know what would be termed as inconsistent.

Going off that, OC was such an unstable individual. Instability is like the exact opposite of consistency and even then she mostly held her ground on trying to be morally upright. And when characters (Taehyun) did show change it was shown to be an obvious dilemma for them.

OC was definitely weak, but she had a personality, otherwise people wouldn’t have found her so annoying. She was also stupid, yes, but she literally grew up sheltered. I think people often mistake disliking a character to mean they were written badly. But also this commenter reminds me of that era in time where we hated feminine and kind female characters bc they weren’t strong badasses. It was giving misogyny, especially towards the end of the comment with the nonsense about Jordan Peterson.

People who think women enjoy abuse are idiots and people who justifying why other think that way are also idiots. People who stay with their abusers, stay with them out of attachment, not because they enjoy getting hurt 🤨 And obviously OC did not enjoy abuse, they were love starved and Gyu provided that, otherwise they wouldn’t have gone back. It’s just such a black and white view of “oh your relationship is abusive, you should leave” Obviously if abuse was the only part of the relationship people would leave smfh

And ofc I don’t think the abuse and rape were romanticized because if it were, these two would’ve ended up together. They wouldn’t have had so many problems and OC would’ve been able to brush aside whatever had happened bc true love conquers all and that bs.

you've summarized my feelings so well.

again, i'll be the first to admit that i'm not a particularly great writer. i see my own mistakes clearly and i've talked about it a lot. i do think Kai's character switch was inconsistent because it was too abrupt and i will own up to that. had i the time and the ability to go back and change what i already published, i would've done it in a much smoother way. but other than him i don't really think my characters were inconsistent. yeah like you said they did things that are stupid or hypocritical but i tried to explain why they did that and had other characters call them out for it (like oc calling tyun out when he tried to get her back). and yeah people in real life are nothing if not inconsistent. i like to think i never made my characters do anything wildly out of character, but if someone has an example i would genuinely love to discuss it because maybe you'll point out something to me that i didn't notice.

yessss i'm so glad you mentioned that because i also got the same vibe from the comment, the "she's not a strong, independent woman? then she has no personality". i used to be like that too but now i appreciate that there are all these different types of characters out there and that being strong doesn't mean that it's a good character (there are currently a multitude of examples of that in media). OC was hated by most readers and yes she was flaky and selfish and always wanted to give up but that is still a character. i know because i channeled myself a lot in her whenever i wanted to give up because my life was shit lmao

i don't think the commenter thinks that women in abusive relationships stay because they enjoy it, i just think that they think none of them would think the way oc is. like maybe they're trapped because of kids or a financial situation rather than being manipulated by their partner. i get it. it's uncomfortable to read about a character that is in love with their abuser but that happens too.

thank you babe

[lavendertowerarchives]

You gotta be shittin me, man, I think I have a savior complex.

I thought it was a one-off deal. I thought it was a random overcommitment. I thought I just got too invested in one person's misery and decided I wanted recognition for my two previous "successes." I was under the impression that it wouldn't happen again.

Naw, dude, I can't browse tumblr any more without fawning over every fucker I see. Because of the people I follow and the posts I like, tumblr has finally realized the kind of blogs I want to interact with. Blogs like mine. Blogs in "need" of "some help." Whether or not they actually want, need, or accept help is irrelevant to me deciding to "help" them. Holy hell do I keep making bad decisions.

I want to make an ironclad clarification: as I've looked at my past interactions, I can 100% say that "wanting to help" and "wanting to be friends" are both very separate things and very compatible. The people I've talked to (on this account and any other channel in my life) are people I seek approval from simply because I value their opinion of me. If I detect distress, I will take it upon myself to lighten their load. Unfortunately, this tendency is not restricted to people I am friends with, it's spread to everyone I want to be friends with, too. TL;DR I'm not your friend because I feel sorry for you, I'm your friend and I feel sorry for literally everyone, especially myself.

The sensation feels similar to being horrendously attracted to so many people. Again, they're completely separate, but at least now I can recognize the rampant desire to engage with someone in a fashion which directly opposes our relationship (complete strangers). I see someone hot, I think "I want to fuck." I see someone struggling, I think "I want to help." The real end goal isn't to fuck or to help, it's to be wanted. I want to be wanted, to be pursued, to be enjoyed, to be talked to, to be grabbed out of nowhere... Those are hard to quantify, so I'll settle for a declaration of "yes. I want your ass" or "yes. I want your advice." Nevertheless, I can try and figure out why some people are alluring and others aren't, but I really have no clue for a lot of it. Some people I just don't think are hot. Some people I just don't feel any empathy towards.

I've kicked around the idea before. I noticed my penchant for interacting with people when they're down, and my desire to be confided to, and my need to be "there for someone" always, but I wrote it off as "being a good friend." It helped that I accepted my own attachment issues at that point, though I wasn't very vocal about them. Oh yeah, and I have attachment issues. 99% of my stress comes from wondering why people don't talk to me, and 98% of that stress is from worrying about what I did wrong or didn't do right or why I wasn't desirable enough to keep talking to. The rest of that shit is out of the scope of this post.

The causes are mundane. The effects are sneaky. The repercussions are fuckin unfun. I've recently scrolled through tumblr's recommended blogs and have feasted upon a buffet of misery, sick from consuming such suffering. Every other blog's header is something like: "MDNI TW 4n@ BPD block, don't report, please // tw sui mention" And I'm just scrolling through their posts, relating too much to the shit they write. I may not deal with everything they do but I still don't want to be fucking alive.

So I head to the anonymous asks. I say my bit and I leave. I try to be inspirational but I do acknowledge that I'm just some guy. I genuinely do my absolute best to provide the best outlook on their lives if possible. It unfortunately sickens me to describe what I say since I don't understand how to objectively describe my intent without presuming success. I want to say, "I do my best" and "I probably suck" and "I try anyways" and "if it doesn't work, they'll just ignore me hopefully" but I can't blend them together.

I know what I am. I can know what they are. As a dude on the inside of things, I'm not as afraid to drop the pretense of "everything's okay." Everything's shit, that's why our lives are forfeit. I just do my best to convince people to focus elsewhere. Dude, I can't stop myself from wanting to die every fucking night, if I tried to tell someone else that life's worth living then I'd be lying out my ass. Despite this, I can try to help them look for something. As long as we're distracted, we can keep living.

Now on to the side effects. I feel responsible for people I have no business feeling responsible for. I know just how much of an impact others have on my life (I think about literally everyone I know at least several times a day), so while I understand that pretty much nobody obsesses over people they've exchanged only a couple messages with, they probably won't think about me zero times. Probably. I know what it's like to be abandoned and I don't want anyone to think I abandoned them. (on the slim chance someone's interested, I made a post a while back about "absence feeling like death")

When something happens to them, I have to resist the urge to rush to their aid. I believe with good reason and ample proof that I am not the one they want consoling them. That doesn't stop me from wanting to console them. It also doesn't give me any inspiration on how to make them feel "better." I fear that if I rush to their "aid" then I will fuck it up and make them feel worse.

I have fucked up before. I have assumed too much about a situation and made someone correct my mistake, simultaneously proving themselves right and feeling worse (in recent memory, I'm still fkn sorry, @ IHNLAOO). I have succeeded before. I have taken the information presented to me and developed a solution that made someone genuinely feel better (in recent memory, I'm glad I could help if only briefly, @ IHNLAOO). The failures make me feel worthless. The successes make me feel unstoppable. I need to manage my ego or else risk doing this shit for me and not for them. I'm not making that asinine mistake again. If I help someone, it needs to be at my expense, otherwise I risk trying to come out positive on resources. The success will always make it worth it.

I've learned the easy lessons, like "don't make it about me" and "don't assume dumb shit." I've learned hard lessons like "it's okay to be pessimistic" and "prove your previous self wrong." I still haven't learned how to be okay with failure. It will always seem like my fault if something happens, even if I wasn't involved, even if someone cut contact. It happened earlier today, man, someone might've succeeded in committing toaster-bath and sent out a "goodbye" post. I don't know if she succeeded. I can't get over the fact that it happened only a week after I first messaged her. In my mind, if it did happen, it happened on "my watch." Yeah, point your fingers and laugh. I finally did it. I made someone else's death about me. Some chick I didn't know. Some person I talked to for barely an hour. Bold of me to assume I had that much of an impact on her life.

I don't know whether to hope if she succeeded, failed, or feinted. If she succeeded, good for her, life is pain; bad for her, she's not fucking here anymore. If she failed, good for her, she can recover; bad for her, I wouldn't wanna keep living either. If she feinted, good for her, she's alive and cutting this part of her life off; bad for her- honestly there's no downside, she wasn't getting the help she wanted or needed.

[rosegunsdaysfic]

No Feelings

Chapter 2

The days stretched on, endless and monotonous. Butler still kept track of dates and days of the week, only speculating about what might be happening beyond the walls of the garrison. He had received no information about the outside world since all his contacts had been completely cut off. While his calls and letters had only been monitored until recently, now he was completely forbidden to call or write, even to his closest relatives. The excuse was a need to devote himself entirely to work, but in reality, Butler had already been stripped of almost all of his duties. For most of the day he sat idle in his office, trying as much as possible to ignore the silent presence of an impassive overseer.

Butler often mused that he might as well be in prison. At least then, he wouldn't feel like a bird in a cage, provided with everything for a relatively comfortable life on the one hand, but denied any freedom on the other. Confined to a small space, he was alone with the same faces, each watching his every move wherever he went.

And, of course, with his master who periodically indulged in his 'possession'. To be more precise, Butler was forced to spend practically every evening in Gabriel's company. Gabriel summoned him to his office either by phone or through his people, and naturally, Butler had no right to refuse, no matter how much he wanted to. Mentally preparing himself in advance, he obediently appeared in this hated place, where Gabriel detained him for at least an hour, forcing him to drink with him and listen to another meaningless pompous speech about his mission on this earth. Fortunately, this torture was often interrupted by someone's phone call or a visit from one of the subordinates—although the workday should have ended by this time, the employees of this department always had some overtime work. Having dealt with such an issue, Gabriel returned to Butler with a displeased face and, apparently, remembering how much he hated his job, began to complain about daily duties. This was a little better than the previous speech, but Butler still got tired quickly. He could not in any way support this conversation, could not express sympathy or otherwise react to it. As he sat across from Gabriel, almost choking on the wine which he detested, he dreamed only of the speedy end of his torment, when he could finally briefly hide from everyone in a room vigilantly guarded by the major's loyal subordinate.

However, sometimes Butler's melancholy gaze lingered on Gabriel, and then he noticed something. This man... was very lonely. He didn't just mock Butler, no—he was actually completely alone, with no one to talk to. ‘No wonder’, Butler thought, ‘who in their right mind would put up with this psychopath? I have nowhere else to go, so he takes advantage of it.’

“Listen,” Gabriel suddenly interrupted his monologue, turning to Butler, “what's wrong with you? I understand that you don't enjoy this, but at least before you'd say something. Now you're just silent all the time. When you’re like that... you’re no fun at all.”

He tried to speak as if it didn't bother him much and he had simply found another reason to complain, but he looked genuinely upset. Butler couldn't help but smirk. “Well, if I'm so boring, maybe you'll let me go?”

Gabriel looked at him gloomily. “That's not what I meant,” he muttered.

“That's exactly what I mean,” Butler sighed, placing his glass on the table in front of him. “Seriously, why don't you find another conversational partner instead of using my ears? I understand, of course, that few people can stand you, but... maybe you could find someone willing to talk to you if you forget about your revenge plan for a while. You've learned to approach people, so use those abilities to find yourself some friends.”

Gabriel laughed. “The thing is, I don't need just anyone, Phil. I need you specifically.”

“Oh, of course,” Butler grimaced, “I can be mocked, that's much more fun.”

“Only you see it as mockery,” Gabriel looked away. “I'm just being honest with you because I feel like I can. I enjoy spending time with you. It's not so easy to meet someone like you.”

Butler was taken aback by this statement. He paused for a moment, unable to find the right words to answer. “I thought you hated me,” he finally said, his lips curling into a slight smile.

“Well, you have serious flaws,” Gabriel smiled condescendingly, “but I can put up with them. Besides, you're getting better right before my eyes. Now you completely suit me. Well, not quite yet, but only because you don't want to talk to me.”

“How sweet,” Butler remarked sarcastically, “I'm pleasing you now because you control everything I do. It's convenient to mold a person to your requirements, and there's no need for any compromises. By the way, I can't stand you, just so you know.”

“I know,” Gabriel replied, his smile unchanged. “It's a shame, but I doubt I can do anything about it.”

Butler looked down, not knowing what else to say. He felt an odd awkwardness from Gabriel's unexpected confession and couldn't shake it off, although he internally convinced himself that the other was probably just trying to manipulate his emotions for his own amusement. And he was falling for it so easily and thinking all sorts of things.

“Okay, if I'm so annoying to you, that's enough from you for today. You can go.”

Gabriel turned away from him, emphasizing his words, but Butler didn't move at once. He had been waiting for this permission for so long, but at that moment, for some reason, he wasn't at all happy to receive it. Realizing this feeling, he instantly became angry with himself. After all, what did he care about Gabriel's hurt feelings and loneliness? The other was to blame for such an attitude towards him, so let him now reap the rewards of his efforts.

Of course, Gabriel didn't hold a grudge for long, and the very next evening, Butler was invited back to his office. He continued to deliver the same monologues, and Butler was still sick of them, but they both stopped complaining about each other and pretended, as much as possible, that everything was fine. Such was their daily life—suffocating, toxic, and Butler began to think that this would always be the case. He had already almost gotten used to this drastically changed life and had reconciled himself to the situation to some extent, but often couldn't hide his inner state. Even though he didn't say anything about it, everything was readable in his facial expression, his intonations, and even the heavy sighs that sometimes involuntarily escaped his chest. He was tired, tired of this nauseating reality and his own powerlessness. He could change nothing, and no one could help him.

“You look tired,” Gabriel remarked one day. “It's strange, you don't seem to be overloaded with work—so what's the matter?”

And then Butler blurted out what he had been silent about for so long. “I'll tell you what. It's because your guards are driving me insane. I can't stand seeing their faces anymore, they're everywhere – wherever I am. They're only absent from this office,” Butler sneered, “but you're here. As a result, I... I can't be alone anywhere. Do you really think a person can live like this and not go crazy?”

Having spoken, Butler looked into Gabriel's eyes—to his surprise, he looked slightly confused, as if he hadn't expected such complaints at all. A chuckle escaped Butler's chest. “Oh yeah, what was I saying. You don't think about such things at all.”

Snapping out of his initial shock, Gabriel returned to his usual falsely benevolent smile. “Yes, things are difficult for you right now. But there's nothing to be done—it's necessary. It's the only way to control you.”

Anger and agitation were growing inside Butler, threatening to burst out soon, but for now he was desperately trying to control himself. “I'm already locked in this building, I can't escape—isn't that enough? Can you at least, just a little bit, loosen the surveillance?”

Gabriel still smiled, but now there was something like condescending pity in his eyes. “No way. You see, I've already managed to understand what kind of person you are. As soon as I give you a little more freedom than necessary, you'll immediately do something that I won't like at all. No,” Gabriel shook his head, as if emphasizing his refusal, “you must always be kept on a short leash.”

Gabriel’s last words echoed in Butler's ears with an unpleasant ring. He said nothing, although so much he wanted to say in response—but what was the point? If he continued such a conversation, it would only turn into an endless argument, fray his nerves, and never lead to the desired result.

Therefore, Butler's entire reaction boiled down to the fact that he glared at Gabriel with a heavy look, hoping that this alone would fully express his feelings and thoughts. Gabriel averted his gaze, a nervous smirk playing on his lips. “Stop looking at me like that. It's unsettling.”

“Unpleasant, huh?” Butler replied with a wry smile. “Although I thought you were used to it.”

“Wrong. People, of course, looked at me in different ways, but usually I saw envy or admiration in their eyes. Sometimes fear. But as for such an expression,” Gabriel met Butler's gaze for a second, then looked away again, “I see it for the first time.”

Grimacing, Butler bit his lip. “Right, I completely forgot that all these people only see your facade. If they knew the truth, such a look would be the only thing you’d ever know.”

“You see, it's all because you know too much. If you hadn't decided one day to learn more about me than you should have, then you wouldn't be suffering now from the fact that you can't get it out of your head. What's more important,” Gabriel smiled smugly, “you might not have been watched so closely. So... you should partly blame yourself for the current situation.”

Once again, Butler had to swallow the words bursting out, full of righteous indignation and anger. From time to time, Gabriel expressed this way, reminding Butler of his misdeeds, making him feel guilty—as if everything he was getting now was nothing more than just punishment for all his sins. Butler was not going to argue or justify himself; there was no reason for that. Instead, he asked, “Don’t you care how people treat you?”

“They see me as an angel incarnate, remember? So why should I be upset about it?”

“Exactly because it's all just an illusion. Their admiration for you is just as artificial as your image.”

Gabriel's lips twitched, distorting his smile into something uncertain. Emboldened by this reaction, Butler smirked, “You see? No one really knows the real you. You've never let anyone in, have you? So how can someone develop genuine feelings for someone they know nothing about?”

Gabriel laughed. It wasn't a mocking, smug, or insane laugh—none of the kinds Butler was used to. Too forced, devoid of genuine amusement—such a laugh it was. “You think you know everything, don't you, Phil? You'd better watch what you say.”

“But if you were to reveal this truth about yourself to someone,” Butler continued, ignoring Gabriel's warning and increasingly grim expression, “I wonder what that someone would say. Would they suggest you seek some kind of treatment? Or would they simply... be horrified and run as far away from you as possible? What do you think?”

Gabriel didn't respond and now wasn't even looking at Butler. It was a bad sign—a sign that Butler should stop right there and avoid trouble. But he couldn't bring himself to be quiet.

“Speaking as someone who knows ‘too much’ about you,” he said, “I'd run if I could. Because it's unbearable to even be around you, you monster. It's almost like there isn't enough air to breathe.”

A sinister grin twisted Gabriel's face. “‘Not enough air,’ huh?”

The moment Gabriel stood up, Butler instinctively did the same. Yet, his reaction was too slow. Before he could take even a step back, Gabriel was right in front of him.

A sudden, unexpectedly hard punch to the face knocked Butler off balance. He managed to stay on his feet, but as soon as he straightened up, he gasped for air. Because... the other's fingers were mercilessly squeezing his neck.

“I'll show you what it really means when there isn’t enough air,” Gabriel said.

His eyes, filled with cold fury, never left Butler's face, and every word was infused with the same emotion. He tightened his grip, and a horrible, disgusting rasp escaped Butler's throat.

“So, how does it feel?” Gabriel asked.

His malicious grin was practically dripping with venom, and his gaze continued to burn, penetrating beneath Butler's skin. Butler closed his eyes to avoid seeing it. Or perhaps it was simply because he no longer had the strength to keep them open.

“Let go,” he croaked, trying in vain to reach the hand that was strangling him, but each attempt was met with stinging blows to his forearm. “Please.”

“Not enough. Beg.”

The nails dug deeper into his skin, the fingers cutting off his air supply until Butler couldn't draw a breath. At some point, he felt himself being pressed against the table, the grip never loosening—Gabriel was practically pressing his whole body against him, and under different circumstances it would have seemed strange, but now Butler hardly cared. He wanted only one thing—to be allowed to breathe.

“Well, why are you silent now?” Gabriel asked. “Beg properly, plead with me, and then maybe I'll forgive you.”

Butler would have begged willingly, he would even have gotten down on his knees if it had been necessary—and if his body had obeyed him. But things were so bad that even with his eyes slightly open, he could barely see anything in front of him, and only sensations remained—fingers, as if penetrating his throat, and the ragged breath burning his neck skin.

“You're so beautiful right now,” Gabriel whispered, almost touching his ear with his lips.

‘So this is when I die? Pervert.’

Gasping for air, Butler felt his consciousness slipping away, and then the hand squeezing his neck released. His legs gave out immediately, and he collapsed to the floor, taking his first breath in what felt like an eternity—only to be wracked by a fit of coughing as if his lungs were now refusing to accept oxygen. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a shadow looming over him and managed to lift his gaze, still coughing—Gabriel was staring at him, but there was no longer any rage or any other emotion in his eyes. Nothing but an absolute, terrifying emptiness.

Butler turned away and, as soon as the coughing subsided slightly, tried to get up, intending to leave—unsuccessfully, his legs still refused to obey him. The nail marks on his neck suddenly throbbed with pain as soon as he came to his senses, and his hand reached for the wounds, as if it could somehow help. Gabriel went down on one knee beside him.

“You should be more careful with me,” he said softly, and Butler flinched at the sound of his voice so close. “I... almost killed you just now. You have no idea how hard I had to restrain myself.”

“You're insane,” was all Butler could manage, without looking at Gabriel. After a few seconds of silence, he managed to curl his lips into a weak smile, but then another fit of coughing racked his body.

“And what exactly made you so angry?” he asked, catching his breath. “Could it be that I hurt your nonexistent feelings?”

Gabriel remained silent, and once more, Butler desperately wanted to leave this room. He finally managed to get to his feet, but couldn't take a step—his knees buckled again, pinning him to the same spot on the floor.

“Don't move for now,” the same hand that had just been strangling Butler now ran lightly through his hair. And before he could be surprised, his head was pressed against the other man's shoulder.

“Easy now, don't struggle,” Gabriel smirked down at the top of Butler's head, holding him tightly and ignoring all his attempts to break free. “I won't hurt you anymore.”

Gradually realizing the situation, Butler felt a shiver of horror run through his body for the first time in many years. The last thing he expected from someone who had almost killed him, all the while maintaining an indifferent expression, was soothing words and an embrace. Such drastic shifts were confusing and muddled his thoughts, leaving him unable to understand what was happening or how he should react.

It was all incredibly strange, but instead of continuing to struggle against Gabriel, Butler buried his face in his shoulder, allowing himself to be stroked on the back and repeatedly whispered to with the same words: 'Calm down.' The voice and touch were almost hypnotic, forcing him to stop resisting and simply give in, to draw closer and receive the much-needed comfort—but who better than he knew how deceptive it could be? Nevertheless, Butler found no strength within himself to pull away.

Remaining in this position, unable to see Gabriel's expression and trying not to remember the recent empty gaze of his cold eyes, he could even imagine that the other man was still capable of feeling something.

[furby-illusia]

okay this is a long one

A part of my unmasking process has been appreciating some things I enjoyed younger but that were shamed out of me and out of my reach. Yes, this is about cringe culture. To me the problem never really was the public and easy to notice "haha lol deviantart kids are cringe" type of stuff, because it's always been quite easy for me to brush these things off and keep going. I liked Pokemon when I was "too old for it" and stopped caring about the nasty remarks people made out loud. I thought they were just meanies who were stuck on artificial social boundaries and didn't understand how people can just enjoy things.

But the subtle attitudes my friends (or social media around me) had hurt me. The people I loved and cared about. I was so sure they'd hate me for liking this I genuinely liked.

Like for years I avoided saying I genuinely liked movies like Balto just so that no one could shame me for it. Nobody cared about Pokemon that much for years, so I could easily avoid saying that Umbreon has been my favourite Pokemon for like... 25 years. I thought that somehow the only acceptable favourite Pokemon for adult (nerds) were Psyduck, Snom and the like. You know, funny silly creatures. Because it's cringe to think a semi-dog-looking-ass Umbreon that's meant to be a "cool" character, I guess. Like that's something you shouldn't take seriously.

And if I ever doodled a dog ANYWHERE where anyone could see it, god forbid I drew one that looked like it belongs to a Disney movie. I have a plethora of different art styles installed in me, but that's my comfort style. Why can't I at least have comfort?

Like yeah my parents actually did raise me on fucking Lady and the Tramp 2, what about it? I've seen it probably a hundred times in my life (if that's even enough). Once I watched it 6-7 times in one day. I had the McDonald's plushies and build an elaborate junkyard on my desk and I was at least 11 at that time. It's not a great movie in the grand scheme of movies, but it's one of those that provided me with so much comforting escapisms and it had dogs in in dammit. Derailed myself here, apologies.

I fucking kind of avoided collecting realistic animal plushies, especially foxes, partially because of this for years. I had other reasons as well. But I actually, seriously on an emotional level thought I'd be worth nothing and left out of everything if I'd collect them.

These are small things and individual examples, but these came to mind first. And these might seem pretty minor, but stuff like this builds up over the years. It's not that I had to actively lie to anyone, I just left things out. It's so hard to object stuff you don't realise is there in the first place. As a young adult I just didn't want to be an outcast because I had been left out time and time again throughout my whole life up until that point and I wanted to avoid the constant loneliness I carried with me.

I'm surrounded by love right now. Especially my wife is so supportive and makes me feel safe. I bought a smilodon plushie in October an once I got her out of the bag and showed her to my wife, she wanted to take a closer look and immediately just hugged the plush. Like I don't expect that she'd be judgmental asshole but moments like these fill me with so much joy. THIS IS NORMAL AND WHAT YOUR LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE.

Also, thanks to everyone who has been shoving the idea of cringe culture to its grave. <3 I'm shoveling a pile of dirt and mean words on it everyday.

PS.

Sometimes I run into the idea that one shouldn't be a raging fan of a musician etc. as they reach adulthood. Those people haven't probably had the joy, excitement and happiness running into their bones when you queue for a gig or dance and sing your heart out in the front row living your best life so deeply in that moment and nowhere else. And you don't have, not everyone likes that and that's fine. But if someone was to take that experience away from me, I'd loose an emotional rollercoaster, happiness, a bunch of like-minded people and a community I otherwise wouldn't have. Like fuck you for thinking I'm immature and cringe, have you ever seen Go_A play live up close? What are you even doing. :D

PPS.

Go and get a silly little treat if you read this far. Or if you see this sentence and this sentence only.

[unavernales]

"you think i need your money?" serghei asks with a good natured smile. it was a sweet sentiment, and serghei can appreciate someone who knows when they're indebted. nonetheless, the dhampir wasn't interested in his winnings. the point of ensuring his victory wasn't to split the spoils, but to provide an excuse to celebrate the spoils.

at the other's insistence that he certainly wasn't a hook- er, an escort or sugar baby of some sort, serghei can't help but snicker. it would have been quite convenient if he was, but the dhampir had bedded enough to tell them by scent alone. this man did not smell like overwhelming skin and damp velvet.

no, he smelled delectable. hollowed out bone and burnt willow. the smell of death is something that serghei cannot help but find mouthwatering. in addition to that incredible ass? serghei's in total pursuit.

"you don't need to be any of those things." he takes a puff of his cigar. "i get it. you don't know me. but this," serghei gestures vaguely to the casino they're currently in. "isn't the best place to get to know someone in." usually it would be more than okay. serghei regularly fucked strangers from clubs and raves. however, he was inclined to swoon someone who seemed to be cut from the same cloth.

"i'll be at that restaurant at 7. show up if you want. when you get to the front, tell gisele you're having dinner with serghei." he shrugs. "or don't. it's all up to you." serghei locks eyes with him. notices how pretty the shape of his are. his features remind serghei of the woodlands that surrounded his father's home. dark and sweet and inviting in the midnight hour. "i'm not at this casino often, so don't feel bad about not showing up and seeing me in here." he smiles genuinely then, dimple pressing into his right cheek. "enjoy your winnings." with that, serghei is off. he has a meeting with a resort manager in thirty ish minutes and he needs at least three lines of coke to deal with that.

he will, of course, keep his promise. serghei will be there at 7 pm, dressed in one of his tailored suits and steel toed boots sipping at the most expensive whiskey on the menu.

Jun-ha's brows raise and knit almost immediately as he hears the comment about his looks. It's probably given without a single thought to it and no real meaning behind it. Plenty of people told him he was "pretty" or "handsome" in his line of work, but it was mostly lip service. It was his job to look a certain way after all the make up and styling, after all. And with compliments came expectations. Somebody always wanted something, be it his attention or otherwise. He takes them with a grain of salt even though, initially, they sometimes feel nice to hear. He doesn't exactly feel dressed to the nines either in his lightwashed denim jeans, white v-neck t-shirt and black blazer and a face with zero make up. If anything, he's a bit self-conscious. But none of that really matters. He's about to be the best-dressed bum on the street in a minute.

"Ah, man.." He laughs softly and nods in thanks anyway, and once more at the borrowing of luck. He chews his lip as he focuses totally on the wheel, both hands absently raising to pull his hair back without realizing that he'd forgotten to bring a hair tie. His foot taps in anticipation as the wheel spins and spins and spins and he wishes it would stop before he dies of a heart attack. He'd prefer to not die here. Tabloids and such.

He unconsciously leans in closer as the wheel slows, eyes widening. Heart pounding. ...And his heart drops into his stomach when the ball stops on five. He wasn't aware that he was being watched or that there was anyone else in the casino by this point.

"W-...what the fuck!? No way!! Seriously!!?" He's out of his chair and on his feet with an added hop of excitement, all smiles and mouth open in shock behind his mask. He looks to the other in utter disbelief. "Is this even real right now?!" he laughs, ecstatic. "Holy shit!"

Jun should really watch his filthy mouth but he can't help himself. He certainly doesn't need to be told to cash out twice, either. He knows to cut his losses right now. As this strange man with the strange accent catches his eye, he blinks and follows the gesture to the poster. The whole time he's been sitting in this casino, he hadn't once even bothered to look at the advertisements.

"Hm? ..No," he admits with a shake of his head and a sweep of his bangs from his eyes. "I heard about the wagyu hype but I haven't eaten any myself. It's hella-expensive. I mean at this point, I kinda owe you a little cut of the winnings because you did make the call on where to place my bet, so... But is this even enough to get into that kind of place?" He's wondering aloud to himself now until something kicks some sense into his head. Stopping abruptly, he takes a look at what he's wearing and compares it to how Serghei is dressed. He doesn't even know this man's name and has already been invited to dinner. This is how people get murdered.

"Wait, hold on. Sorry, I'm- I'm not a hook- I mean, an escort or a sugar baby. I just came here to play. I wasn't looking to put my hand in anyone's wallet."