#nothing wrong with a bisexual character who cheats. it's wrong if it's the only type of bisexual character you can find.

[vonlipvig]

only watched one ep yet, but you know what, i love that napoleon usher is a cheating bisexual. thankfully we've come to a point where a good variety of nice, 'wholesome' bisexual rep is something that has its place in mainstream media, which means it's finally time to BRING BACK THE SLUTS, BABYYY.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Since the very conception of the motion picture, the LGBT community have been represented on-screen in some form. An early example is Algie the Miner (1912), a short silent film which follows the effeminate Algie (Billy Quirk), who enjoys kissing cowboys. In order to marry someone’s daughter, he heads west to prove that he’s a man. While this is quite an outdated stereotype of being gay, the portrayals have varied greatly over time. Only recently is LGBT representation becoming more positive and common. However, when it comes to portraying bisexuality on-screen, it still seems to be a difficult task.

Many narrative tropes have been birthed through filmmakers trying to show sexuality on-screen and most of them contribute directly to the overall erasure of bisexuality in cinema – usually with ambiguous portrayals, negative stereotyping and characters needing to pick a side. Not all instances are problematic, but their prevalence isn’t helping to combat the stigma that bisexual people face. There are three main tropes when it comes to depicting bisexuality, which is infidelity, picking a side, and the horrible husband. They’re usually found together in a common narrative that erases bisexuality, whether intentional or not.

Infidelity

There’s a long-standing stereotype that bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners and are incapable of commitment. This is a trope that is heavily carried in some of the most well-known depictions of bisexuality. Typically, a female protagonist is engaged or married to a man, but she meets a lesbian woman and they become involved sexually and romantically, leaving the protagonist torn between two lovers. This happens in Imagine Me & You (2005) when Rachel (Piper Perabo) falls in love with lesbian flower shop owner Luce (Lena Headey), who provided the flowers for her wedding to Hector (Matthew Goode). It’s a fairly average film that could’ve been amazing had it acknowledged Rachel’s bisexuality, but it’s still one of the better ones considering Perabo and Headey have amazing chemistry.

For some reason, bisexual characters are often in serious relationships when they’re suddenly sexually awakened. This happened to Rachel right after her wedding because she happened to meet the right woman. While this type of experience does happen in real life, it’s always the go-to narrative for films about women realizing they’re not one-hundred-percent straight. In these instances, the same-sex love affair acts as the conflict within the narrative – this can create good drama when done right, but it gets boring and bisexual characters deserve better than constantly being portrayed as cheaters. People are not more promiscuous or likely to cheat on their partners because of their sexuality, but these tropes are constantly telling people otherwise.

We deserve to see bisexual characters whose sexuality isn’t the main narrative focus or who at least explore their sexuality outside of a relationship. Appropriate Behaviour (2014) is a good example of this as Shirin (Desiree Akhavan, who is also the film’s writer and director) is a bisexual Persian American woman who is keeping her sexuality a secret from her judgemental family, while also attempting to rebuild her life after breaking up with her girlfriend. Seeing bisexuality portrayed on-screen is another place where people pick up more stigma or acceptance, and with bisexuality it, unfortunately, seems to be the former. This is why bisexual filmmakers like Akhavan are better suited to portraying the experiences of bisexual men and women than others.

Picking A Side

When the protagonist is in conflict with her sexuality, the people around her usually wonder if she’s a lesbian now – despite them being engaged or married to a man. This can be seen in Below Her Mouth (2010) where Jasmine (Natalie Krill) begins having an affair with Dallas (Erika Linder). When her husband finds out, he tells her “You’re a lesbian” but she tells him that she loves him and nothing has changed between them. It seems impossible to grasp that a person could be attracted to both men and women. Bisexuality is erased.

Some films insinuate that the protagonist isn’t necessarily bisexual or even a lesbian, it’s just that they’re attracted to this one woman only and no others – they’re an exception! This is the kind of impression you get from Below Her Mouth, but also from other films such as Imagine Me & You and Elena Undone (2010), which isn’t particularly helpful for lesbian representation either. In Imagine Me & You, Rachel tells Hector “You are my best friend. That was enough before, and it will be enough again.” This implies that Rachel was never truly attracted to him in a romantic sense, thus implying that she’s a lesbian. While this could be a case of compulsory heteronormativity, it seems problematic as it’s never discussed or explained. Avoiding discussions about sexuality – as most of these films do – are what contribute to this trope massively and result in misinterpretation and erasure.

Films as new as Netflix’s Alex Strangelove (2018) also feed into the idea that bisexuality is a stepping stone to picking a side. Alex (Daniel Doheny) prepares to lose his virginity to his girlfriend but finds his plans derailed when he’s attracted to another boy. He spends most of the film questioning his sexuality and at one point thinks he’s bisexual. The film does highlight biphobia which brings attention to this problem, so it’s disheartening at the end when Alex realizes he is gay and not bisexual after all. The set up for Alex Strangelove was perfect for a bisexual love story and, while it’s still positive LGBT representation, it’s a shame it didn’t stick with that. It’s even rarer to see bisexual men portrayed on-screen, so it would’ve been really rewarding.

It’s important to acknowledge that bisexuality is a comfortable place for some people to be while they’re trying to accept that they are gay – and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, there still seems to be some widespread discomfort when it comes to sexuality being fluid. For bisexual people, there isn’t any side to pick – they’re not torn between polar opposites, nor are they confused. They aren’t on the fence, they’re on both sides of the fence. Nevertheless, films continue to portray bisexuality as a personal conflict that needs resolving, and it does this by putting bisexual characters in a situation where they’re having affairs. This makes their sexuality the narrative conflict, which is wholly problematic in itself.

The Horrible Husband

The protagonist’s fiancé or husband is usually abusive or passive in the relationship, and thus portrayed as the antagonist. She is then drawn to a lesbian woman who treats her so much better and gives her the attention she deserves. Sometimes it’s as though these films are saying that lesbianism is the cure for a dissatisfying heterosexual relationship. This contributes to bisexual erasure by suggesting that bisexual women can only be happy with women and never with a man because they’re horrible or not good enough. It also perpetuates the idea of picking a side – almost telling bisexuals that they should just be lesbians instead.

This trope is found in films like Elena Undone, where Elena (Necar Zadegan) meets Peyton (Traci Dinwiddie) who is a famous lesbian writer. Elena’s husband Barry (Gary Weeks), however, is a homophobic pastor. Elena Undone is actually loosely based on director Nicole Conn’s real-life romance with Marina Rice Bader, but the film itself isn’t great. It’s also shown in The World Unseen (2007) as Miriam (Lisa Ray) quietly follows the customs of 1950s South Africa, alongside dealing with her abusive husband Omar (Parvin Dabas). Miriam becomes empowered to change her circumstances when she meets and falls in love with free-spirited cafe owner Amina (Sheetal Sheth).

A much better film that deals with this trope is Bound (1996). Lesbian ex-con Corky (Gina Gershon) arrives at an apartment building to start work as a painter and plumber. She soon finds herself being seduced by Violet (Jennifer Tilly) who lives next door with her boyfriend Caesar (Joe Pantoliano). Violet explains that they’ve been together for five years and he’s a money launderer for the mafia. She wants to escape and make a new life for herself, so she and Corky plan to steal $2 million of Mafia money and blame it on Caesar. The horrible husband trope actually works well in this film because the women plan to screw Caesar over and it doesn’t use Violet’s infidelity as the main narrative conflict – it’s a lot more original, which isn’t surprising as the first directorial feature film from the Wachowski Sisters. Bound would’ve been much less effective if Caesar was just a regular guy who Violet hated, but she has a better motive with the drama surrounding his violent mafia connections.

These three tropes are collectively the entire plot of Imagine Me & You, Elena Undone, The World Unseen, I Can’t Think Straight (2008), Kiss Me (2011) and more. It’s a shame that there isn’t always a huge focus on the actual relationship between the two women in these films. It’s more about them hiding their relationship and because they officially get together at the end, we never get to see much of what their life is like as a couple. They all feature very similar themes, meaning that when it comes to telling the stories of bisexual characters, the narrative is rarely diverse. Romantic comedies in general always follow the same beats which is fine, but these tropes for bisexual characters either erase their sexuality and/or display it as a problem.

These tropes can still work well (like with Bound) depending on certain aspects of the narrative. Infidelity works well in Carol (2015) due to the 1950s setting. Carol (Cate Blanchett), who is in the process of divorcing her horrible husband, and Therese (Rooney Mara) have to hide their relationship due to homosexuality not being accepted during this time. This adds an extra layer to the narrative, giving actual depth to why things are happening the way that they are. There’s also Disobedience (2017) where it works well due to the Orthodox Jewish culture. Ronit (Rachel Weisz), who is considered bisexual, returns to the community for her father’s funeral to find her childhood friend Esti (Rachel McAdams) married to a man. Esti describes herself as a lesbian woman in a relationship with a man, which is disheartening but works in the film’s world. Disobedience also plays through the infidelity trope very differently to other films, allowing it to be more effective.

The Erasure

In films with bisexual characters, it’s rare that the word “bisexual” actually comes up. It’s mostly ambiguous, implied or erased completely by the protagonist seemingly picking a side. It’s constantly reinforced by narrative tropes that are set up for dramatic entertainment, with no real intention of representing sexuality with genuine care. Erasure also happens due to words like “gay” being used as an umbrella term when referring back to certain films. Brokeback Mountain (2005) and Call Me By Your Name (2017), for example, are often referred to as gay films on social media due to the gay relationships portrayed, However, the characters are portrayed to be sexually fluid/bisexual due to the nature of their relationships with women. It also happens with films like Blue Is the Warmest Colour (2014) which is always painted as a lesbian love story when Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is clearly bisexual. It’s not necessarily bad to use gay and lesbian as umbrella terms, but it, unfortunately, does contribute to bisexual erasure. We should be bringing more attention to bisexuality on-screen and pointing it out specifically when we see it.

One of the biggest erasures is the portrayal of bisexual men. They appear much less frequently than bisexual women. The most recent example that comes to mind is Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in Velvet Buzzsaw (2019), but the word bisexual was never used and he was portrayed as being promiscuous, which fits into the negative stereotype (although the film is satire so perhaps it can be excused). Some better, or at least more interesting, depictions of bisexual men are still out there and can be found in films such as Velvet Goldmine (1998), Kaboom (2010), The Comedian (2012), The Lobster (2015) and Moonlight (2016).

If anything, bisexual characters are usually left out of the bury your gays/dead lesbian syndrome trope. It’s very common both in film and television for gay men and lesbian women to be killed off in some dramatic way, such as in Brokeback Mountain, The Fox (1967), Les Biches (1968), Lost and Delirious (2001) and A Single Man (2009). Bisexual women have been killed off quite a bit in television – like Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton) in The O.C. – but they’re relatively safe in film and hopefully, it’ll stay that way.

Acknowledging Bisexuality

It is disheartening that bisexual representation on-screen isn’t as good or as frequent as gay and lesbian representation. We’re also at a time where it could be massively improved, but now we face the barrier of “queer” as another umbrella term. It’s wholly unhelpful when not everyone identifies with it and when we want bisexual characters to say the word bisexual on-screen. We want to be acknowledged. Bisexual actress Stephanie Beatriz made sure her bisexual character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine got to say it earlier this year, because that word means something to certain people and the impact is great. Hopefully this will start to happen more in film going forward.

There are definitely films out there where the word bisexual is actually said, like in Appropriate Behaviour, Kiss Me, Velvet Goldmine and Margarita with a Straw (2014). It’s rare that we hear it so when we do it’s pretty exciting. In addition to these, other films that feature positive and/or complex portrayals of bisexual characters in general (and not the previously discussed tropes) are: Cabaret (1972), Chasing Amy (1997), Black Swan (2010), Atomic Blonde (2017) and Tully (2018).

There have been many positive and negative depictions of bisexuality, but the majority of them aren’t great or feed into the biphobia and the erasure of the identity. Filmmakers need to do better when it comes to portraying bisexual characters and their stories. It’s always helpful when bisexual people themselves get a voice, whether as writers, directors or actors. For some reason, although there are exceptions, most straight male and lesbian filmmakers have trouble portraying bisexuality both positively and accurately. They essentially give the message that bisexuality doesn’t exist or is an inner conflict that needs to be resolved. We must do better because one day someone will be watching a film where a character says “bisexual” and their life will suddenly fall into place.

[dannyboyzone]

Why these Lookism Bad Guys are liked, a rant by me

Alright, so I have came across a post talking about how Johan is hated on despite being a "bad person", and trashing other characters for absolutely no reason other than guilt tripping people. I personally think the post is immature, but due to my own personality and mental state, it has still got me kind of pressed, because it all sounds ridiculous. This post will be about some people in Lookism that are viewed as a bad people and or are hated on, and why I think they are liked. I won't speak for everybody liking these characters, and it will include some characters that I hate. This post is just to give a general idea for people who are really ignorant about why some characters might receive love. You might have come across that post, and if not, I am talking about this one below. - Well, only a small part of it, that threw me off. -

I didn't include the person's username out of respect and also so they don't feel attacked or anything of the sort.

Before starting this off, there are a few things I would like to say. If I sound petty, I truly don't care. I never saw anybody hating on Johan, at max maybe give criticism, I also don't hate Johan or try to disvalidate anyone's feelings, just get some things straight. Liking someone's looks does not immediately mean you are attracted to them, neither does liking the person's look you are attracted to mean you are toxic. It means you are loving. If you like someone's personality, you will find them beautiful consciously or subconsciously. If someone finds a character handsome, it is not a crime, people have types and preferences, and if they do it's none of your business. Hating good looking people doesn't make you woke, neither hating on people who are attracted to good looking people. What are you, Crystal Choi? And yes, people will be attracted to looks, it's a normal human act. People will notice if they find someone more attractive or unattractive which is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing when they start treating people different because of it. I assure you, most of the lookism fandom that I have came across doesn't do that.

This post will not include Seong Yohan because I never saw him get hated and I don't think nobody knows where he is coming from.

Samuel Seo

Yeah, so what seemed to be a surprise for me is that not a lot of people like Samuel, or at least understand why the people liking him would. Now, I personally feel no romantic attachment towards him. - Which is yes, normal, even if he is fictional. It's called fictophilia and I better see no judgement about it. - However, I do love Samuel a lot, and would love to care for him and grow a strong bond. To me, Samuel is not a monster. At all, believe me, Samuel isn't liked only for his looks. For me, personally, I love him so much because I can relate to him. I absolutely hated him at first, but grew to love him because he is human. He is complex, has a hard life and isn't perfect. That's exactly why I love him, and someone else I really adore does too. Yes sure, as you grow to like someone's personality, you find them handsome and or pretty. It's so much easier to say someone is pretty than to say, 'Hey, I love this person because they helped me go through so much.' Not everyone has the same love language, not everyone is comfortable with blunt affection. Besides, Samuel can and will achieve anything he wants. He has SO much sides to himself, not just 'good looking violent guy with big tits'. That's not Samuel at all. Besides, if PTJ oversexualises him, it's hard to not notice his body.

Yes sure, Samuel hits women, but I personally, don't f%cking care. Your vagina doesn't define if you deserve violence or not, your behaviour and the person's you face personality does. I am personally someone that doesn't mind violence as long as the person deserved it, because some scumbags in this world do. If they happen to be a woman, that's not on me, they shouldn't have done whatever they did. If you are not a violent person, I am not even sorry to tell you this, but you are probably sexist. It's not like all women are fragile and unable to get hit. Besides, if his violence is the problem, why is it fine that he hits men? Because men can handle it? According to statistics women have a higher pain tolerance. By your logic, you should call him out for hitting anyone in his way. Stop acting like hitting women is a necessarily bad thing, start saying that hitting innocent people is a bad thing.

If you must hate on him, maybe use the fact that he killed his abusive and neglective parents. Don't give a hard time to others for liking him though.

Ahn JongGun

Does Gun seem like a bad guy? Absolutely, he has done some horrible things. Then why do we like him? Because he seems to have a smaller character development coming, he has so many things to him and he is an absolutely incredible and complex character. I am very curious of his background and what caused him to be so violent and yet so calm. I like him because he allows himself to be human. From his religion, to his knowledge of material arts, to his adoration towards Vasco's material arts teacher - I forgot his name, so excuse me for that -, to his attention to details, to his fashion sense, it all makes him human. It's nice to see someone be a human, instead of just 'hot guy' or 'villain'. He is a nice character that brings many depth to the story. I could list a hundred of reasons why I love him, and no, none of it is his "weird" fashion sense. I do find him incredibly stylish, I just think some people in this fandom don't understand fashion. - Oops, I guess. - My main reason to liking him is that he is most likely either bisexual or pansexual. That he has a crush on Daniel. I might seem like I have a weird fetish or something, or that I am a crazy "fangirl". That's not the case though. I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and while not huge, I adore the hell out of the representation. It's nice to see such a smart, elegant and powerful guy be the representation. Because he is a character that's not there simply to be gay and full of stereotypes. Like, no hard feelings if you fit into stereotypes, but as a person who doesn't fit into them, it's a refreshing thing to see someone that's allowed to have many sides to himself other than just 'the gay friend'. Of course I am sure there are a lot of people who have many other reasons to love him, like his endless knowledge of material arts. There is so many reasons to be interested in his character, and just because you can't see it that doesn't mean others are blind to it too.

Yeah, he might have slept with countless women, but the main reason you can't count it is because he never stated the amount of women he slept with, neither did anyone else. Sure, he did say that Daniel is better than any women he ever slept with, but for all you know that could have been 3. Even if, it doesn't matter. He could have slept with 3, or 70 women. It doesn't matter, because not everyone's sexual life will reflect your own. And other people's sexual life is none of your business. Sure, you can say it's only fiction, and that I am overreacting, but when it comes to such small or personal details, people tend to put their own personal view into it. It's really not fine to shame others for their sexual life. As long as he uses protection, and didn't make anyone pregnant and doesn't play with the feelings of anyone, who gives a f%ck.

Some people tend to lash out sexually if they experience trauma or stress, and no, I don't mean they go and r%pe people, I mean that they go and have sex with different people who give consent. Even if he doesn't do it because of that, why does it bother you so much? Sex isn't a disgusting act. Some people like it, some people don't. Whatever their decision is, as long as no one is hurt, you should respect their decision.

Kim JoonGoo

Alright, this got me f%cked up. Goo is such a good character, and no way he would ever cheat on his S/O. He has morals and a lot of good sense in himself. Sure, he might have said that Samuel will be his secret friend, which led OP to believing Goo would cheat, but that's... a terrible reason, in my opinion. Gun knows that Samuel works for Goo, and Goo owns up it too. Besides that, nothing, absolutely nothing would lead to the fact that Goo would cheat. Because he wouldn't.

Now, why do I like Goo, and why some other's might like him too. He is such a well put together character, unpredictable yet so simple. He damages people to a point they have to retire, doesn't get scared of murderer, is a money maniac and hates his boss. You would think, he is dirty and fits the "gangster" stereotypes. That's not the case at all. He is more hygienic than most of the characters of lookism, if not the most hygienic one. He hates drinking and smoking, doesn't have tattoos - not that there is anything wrong with that - and is incredibly patient.

He might be a money maniac sure, but his ability to control money so well the way he does just shows how high his IQ is. I find that amusing, since it's something hard to do. What I completely love to the moon and back about Goo is his creativity.

When he gets into fights, he is patient and maybe let's himself get hit a few times. That's a good thing because he has time to learn about what he is facing. I think that's neat, because not a lot of people think about that during fights, and he taught me to do that. Also, the way he harms people is very creative too, no matter how harsh that sounds. He stabs people with chopsticks, kicks people with a glass piece stuck in his shoe and harms people with a katana. It's all so unpredictable yet fits him so well. I really love the way he fights and handles situations because it tells so much about him. Also, he is so fun, who would do karaoke after beating a bunch of guys unconscious? Only your one and only Kim JoonGoo. He is such a fun person to study and to read about.

So, no, I will not put up with the bullsh%t that he would cheat on his s/o, because he is a very respectful and none judgemental person. Just because his fights look violent to you, and his friendship with Gun unstable, that doesn't mean he is a bad person. It just means he is different from you, and yeah, he does f%cked up things, I won't deny that. That's exactly what makes him an interesting character.

Xiaolong

Now, I personally don't like Xiaolong that much, so this will not come from heart, but a place of logic. For a disclaimer, I am not caught up on the latest chapters, because I want to binge read it.

Now, even though I do not like Xiaolung, I can see why other people would.

He is a responsible person, who takes good care of himself even though he has to look after Vivi 24/7. He is not only good in his job, but takes it very seriously too. He isn't afraid to take action to make sure his job is going smoothly, and that everything is on it's place. He would do anything to protect Vivi, which can be appealing to some.

And from what I saw from spoilers, he is very strong. No, admiring his strength does not make the person toxic or fragile. It means they find the place in their heart to appreciate the type of struggle and hard work he puts into it. He has an unique way of fighting, which I could only see a small portion of. However it's clear that he must be impressive. I completely understand if people find that neat.

Also, Xiaolong seems like such a f%cking loyal person. That's so incredibly important. A lot of people can find that appealing, for various reasons. I am aware there are poly people, or anything similar to that, but loyalty is so important for some people and can form a very deep sense of love.

Yeah, he might take care of Vivi when she is drugged and let her get away with drugs but consider this that's his job. He is payed to do that and swore to do his best in it, as it's very important to him.

Outro;

Yeah, I don't care, like who ever you want to and defend them, but if you drag down other characters and guilt trip people because of liking specific characters, you are not going to be "woke" or special. And I will find you, and e a t you. - For legal reasons, that's a joke. -

That is not the only post that I saw shame those characters and people who like them, but is the one that made me messed up.

This fandom absolutely loves shaming people if they love the character design and looks of their favourite character. Let me tell you something though; You are missing the point of the whole manhwa you are reading.

Finding people attractive and beautiful is completely normal. Treating them differently because of that is not. As far as I am concerned, I never saw any lookism fans hate on characters they find less attractive. - Rather on the attractive ones. -

People have a type and that applies to looks and personality. Literally everyone does, even if it's unconsciously.

If you want your favorite character to get more love, don't make other people's comfort characters look bad on purpose, because in their eyes they aren't simply the bad qualities you see in them. And if you highlight them at least make sure they are true or at least reasonable bad qualities.

Well yeah, that was my little rant. And I didn't even mention the psychological aspects of why each character is like, or in other words what people they might attract. Or, the difference kind of personal life experiences people had to go through to appreciate each kind of little detail about the characters.

Yeah, this is the end of my little rant. If this post will get actual mature answers and discussions, I will make a similar one for Vinjin, Logan, Olly and Jiho. Yeah, I hate all of them, but other people might not.

END

[nomoregoldfish]

I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

[distantsuns-archive]

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME.    james alisdair innes. PRONUNCIATION.  his last name is pronounced “in-nuhs” as in “guinness.” it often gets mispronounced and it annoys him. NICKNAME.   lorcan calls him seamus, but that’s the only nickname he tolerates. also gets called “blondie” sometimes, “jamesy” (hates it), “jim” or “jimmy” (hates that even more) and probably worst of all, “peroxide princess.” GENDER.    cis male. HEIGHT.   5′10.” AGE.    twenty-five in main verse. ZODIAC.    sagittarius. SPOKEN LANGUAGES.   english, some gaelic.

  𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR.    naturally dirty blond, often dyed platinum blond. EYE COLOR.    hazel. SKIN TONE.     sickly pale. BODY TYPE.   he is very skinny and physically weak. ACCENT.   he has a glaswegian accent; he isn’t too hard to understand most times, but when he gets angry or drunk, his accent gets thicker. don’t ever get into a drunk argument with the man, you will not understand a word he is saying lol. DOMINANT HAND.   right. POSTURE.   he is a notorious sloucher, whether standing or sitting. when he plays his guitar and gets really into it, he often tenses up his shoulders and he has a lot of back and shoulder pains because of this. also, he has horrible technique when playing the guitar for a long period of time and he ends up getting carpel tunnel in his later years because of it. (never said he was a genius.) SCARS.    lots of small scars from various drunken accidents. cigarette burn scars on his left forearm. there is a healed razor-blade scar running from his elbow to his wrist from one of his ill-fated suicide attempts. it’s not very noticeable but don’t ask about it if you know what’s good for you. TATTOOS.    none. he’s scared of needles. BIRTHMARKS.    none. FEATURE(S).     he’s constantly changing his hair color and style because of his unstable self-image. he’s also noticeably very skinny and is always cold so he’s often bundled up, even in the heat of the summer and the fatigue and the bags under his eyes make him look older than he is. james is obviously frail and sickly and it’s easy to tell he’s heavily abusing drugs by his appearance.

  𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT.   james was very close to his mother, and her death when he was five years old hit him very hard. he still holds himself responsible for her death even though it was a car accident. his dad was never that involved with him or paul and barely saw them after their mother’s death. to say he has parental issues would be a hell of an understatement.

  𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION.   lead singer and guitarist in chocolate cake. CURRENT RESIDENCE.    he splits his time between his house with lorcan in chelsea, central london, and his flat in glasgow, scotland. CLOSE FRIENDS.     he doesn’t really have that many close friends because he’s such a royal pain in the ass. i guess his older brother paul would be his closest friend. RELATIONSHIP STATUS.     married to lorcan harris since 1987. they have a rocky marriage; both of them constantly cheat on each other and they fight and make up a lot. FINANCIAL STATUS.     wealthy. besides the money he makes from touring and album sales, he gets all the songwriter’s royalties so he’s pretty much set for life. DRIVER’S LICENSE.  it, uh, it got suspended after he was found driving under the influence and speeding for like the third time. james drives anyway though. CRIMINAL RECORD.   yeah uh let me get back to you on this one it’s a lot but i keep forgetting what he was actually charged with and what got dropped because he bribed people lol. i do know at one point he ends up on house arrest for a few months and he’s like “i don’t have to go on tour now? this is fucking brilliant!” he’s a mess <3

  𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.     bisexual, prefers men. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant |  switch. LIBIDO.    high. the only way james can feel wanted is through sexual relationships so he’s always seeking out hook-ups to satisfy his need to feel wanted and attractive. TURN ONS.   lmfao it’s too early for this. suffice it to say, he is probably the kinkiest person most people have ever been with. also he’s so fucking loud during sex. RIP. he’s really into being tied up and p*gged but you didn’t hear that from me. TURN OFFS.   not much honestly? except for like, piss and shit, that freaks him out, and all that CBT thing..... not for him, thank you. LOVE LANGUAGE.   gifts. he is pretty materialistic, but i guess it’s understandable for a man who grew up in poverty. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.   in his main verse, james is too far gone to really have a healthy relationship. he’s got too many issues of his own to work out first (read: he will accidentally call you the wrong name during sex and then act like nothing happened the next day.) in his other verses, he’s usually very shy in pursuing people he likes because he’s so inexperienced with relationships and is pretty oblivious. he is a hopeless romantic and loves to be “romanced,” so to speak.

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.    sinner by n/eil f/inn. HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    he’s a very talented artist as well and loves to sketch and draw things in his notebook while on tour. james carries a polaroid camera with him wherever he goes and has boxes full of them. he also has a tape recorder and he’ll geek out about the acoustics of any room and tape the most random shit and it’ll turn up on a recording like seven years later.  ILLNESSES.    he has paranoid schizophrenia and he never takes his antipsychotics so he’s always paranoid of being watched by the government or the media. he also has undiagnosed anorexia. PHOBIAS.   textbook case of abandonment issues. also has a huge phobia of doctors and hospitals and will not go to one, even if his life is in imminent danger. james also has a severe phobia of needles. and strangely enough, for a man who is obsessed with death, he is terrified of it too. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    he acts really cocky and confident (after all, he’s a rockstar) but he has crippling self-doubt and is terrified of being found out as a “fraud.” VULNERABILITIES.    he is scared that no one will ever love him. he knows the image of him that is sold to his fans is a total invention and he is not the man the world thinks he is. james wants someone to love him for who he is. he feels like he’s not good enough for anything and not to mention his trauma from his religious upbringing. james swears he doesn’t believe in any religion now but there’s a part of his mind that he can’t shut up that says - what if they were right and you are going to hell forever? and that scares the shit out of him.

[malefiquinn]

My Cyberpunk 2077 review

I finished the game last night and I have Feelings™ about it, so here goes my review. While the heavy spoilers (ending related) will be hidden under Keep Reading, I might mention some minor ones here and there, so read at your own risk.

Let’s get the Big Thing out of the way first: yes, the game is buggy af. The good news is most of them are visual bugs, so while annoying, they don’t really matter gameplay wise. But I did have to reload an earlier save file two times to get rid of gamebreaking bugs, both messing with main story quests. It was frustrating. And nevermind the times my car got destroyed because the game suddenly realized there were two cars occupying the same space. However I did manage to finish the game and make the choices I wanted, so it wasn’t that bad either.

My biggest complain is the blantant transphobia shown in the character creator. I know Claire exists and she’s awesome and I love her, but the cc options are just not inclusive enough. What’s the point of having them if you can’t use them anyway? Linking V’s pronouns to voice types makes absolutely no sense. And not being able to remove breasts from the female body type (or put them in the male body type) rubs me the wrong way as well, though I understand that it would involve a lot more animation work. Lastly, having body type-dependant hair styles is just plain inexcusable when the devs took the time to design genitals that are just not shown past the character creator (unless V walks around naked, I suppose). So, why bother having all these ✨choices✨ when the player can’t get a good, accurate customization anyway?

And it gets worse if we talk about romances. Real people have specific tastes and that’s completely understandable, but real life has a lot more than 4 choices in total. More importantly, bisexual people are a thing? There should have been at least one female and one male bisexual romance options in game. So to make it al worse, the constraint in gay romance options is... awful. Why have 3 types of gender-related customization if you can’t use them if you want to romance someone? I’m a cishet female who plays as a cishet female first if given the option, but I’m still bothered for the queer community (which I’m still part of btw, since I’m in the ace spectrum). It feels like being trans is more of a fetish in Night City than a real trait.

Speaking of romances, I played River’s and I found it... bit of a lackluster. I don’t find him physically attractive (shaved head and no beard are not my thing) but his voice was pretty nice and I liked his personality despite being a cop. But the main downside was the way the game treats his romance. I knew I wasn’t going to get a BioWare-style romance, but V’s relationship with River was like a sidenote and once he’s romanced, there’s just no way to interact with him again. That perhaps is the same for the other romances but there’s no replayability, in a sense that there’s no way to talk to/kiss him again or replay the sex scene, for instance. It bothered me that the game forces V to say that “she’s too busy” and apologize to her boyfriend all the time, because *I* would’ve made time to visit if there was ingame acknowledgement of it. The worst bit is that I feel like River’s romance is the least polished of them all, because Panam and Judy play important roles in main quests and Kerry is pivotal to Johnny’s sidequests, while River is... just there (also more further on, regarding the ending). So the fact that he’s like the forgotten child in the romance section while being the only cishet female option is heartbreaking.

The silverlining is that, at least, the mistreated community was het females instead of gay females. Although, this is just another example of game devs thinking about male players first.

Now the good part: what I liked

The cars. I’m not a car enthusiast, I don’t enjoy driving in real life and I’m a terrible driver in games, but I fucking loved the cars in CP2077. The Caliburn was like my game baby, I had so much fun driving around and hearing the different engines for each car, and the differences in driving... it was awesome. I got and bought *all* the available cars for the sake of it, just because I liked them so much.

The story. I love games that get me invested and this one was definitely one of those. Falling for Jackie when I knew he was not gonna be around for long was an expected, but still perfectly excecuted punch to the gut. And Johnny’s guidance and company was something I was hyped about, but still played out even better than I though it would. So to my next point, Keanu Reeves. I was thrilled to play a game with Keanu in it and it blew my mind. Those reviews that pinpoint Keanu’s acting as the weak link in the game are fucking wrong, how else you expect to see (and hear) an angry, resentful man permanently stuck in time? Even worse, when he knows the people he hated the most managed to kill him? I wasn’t happy when I learned Johnny was not a romance option but after meeting him, I’m glad that’s the case. He’s the perfect antihero-turned-best-friend for V, if you can stand him.

Stealth and hacking. Most of the time I choose the option to play stealthy and this time it wasn’t just that, it was the option to use futuristic technology at the same time. I LOVED it. Quickhacking enemies instead of shooting them is so much fun. Enemy detection is a bit wonky at times but still, I enjoyed it much better than if it had been a plain shooter. And those guns with homing shots are so cool that I wanted to play them over sniper rifles, my usual go tos.

The characters. I got invested in V’s relationships, even if the romantic aspect wasn’t as great as it could’ve been. Friendship with Kerry and Panam, clousure for Judy and Rogue, mourning Jackie, being part of River’s family, so many the fixers in existance... and Johnny, my bff Johnny. Even Alt, with her somewhat little role, was great. I was promised a compelling story and deep characters, and I did get both.

The soundtrack. Overall it’s pretty great, but my favorite songs are those related to Samurai. And it’s not even because of my love for Johnny, I really do enjoy them for their musical content. Unironically my all time favorite is Johnny’s as well, Never Fade Away. I won’t exit a car or open the menu when that song is playing.

The easter eggs. From GlaDOS and Silence of the Lambs in the Delamain quests to the Matix-esque pills of the main storyline, to Hideo Kojima and the BB in a lab, “Harvest like a Reaper” and the many “You’re breathtaking!” references (Kerry’s take was my favorite), the game presents A LOT of pop culture nods and I’m here for it. Having real life content creators around for several levels of cameos was a nice touch as well.

So without mentioning the heavy spoilers (aka ending), in my opinion, Cyberpunk 2077 deserves a 9/10. Bugs are fixable and the story and characters carry the game on it’s own because they’re just too good. The main story is kinda short and I believe Johnny’s sidequests should be part of the main story, but I get why they are not mandatory if you want to roleplay a full on dislike towards the rockerboy. But still, there are some things related to gender and romance that are complete misfires. I hope that some of those will be fixed via patches (the character creator bits), but the lack of more romance options or at least bisexual NPCs obviously won’t be fixed and that’s what keeps CP2077 away from a perfect score in my book.

Now, regarding the endings:

The one thing that truly bothered me was that the Rogue one had no real goodbyes for V. She goes into a suicide mission in space and everyone’s post-credit messages complain she just disappeared without a trace? I get she’s dying and all, but, for fuck’s sake leave a message explaining it if you cared so much about them. The game *makes* you care about the characters but doesn’t give you an option to honor that love at the end.

Also, again, romances. I played both Rogue and Panam’s endings so I know there’s no way to have a happy ending with River, which is bittersweet and probably for the best that it happens with him since his romance seems to be the least engaging, but again that makes me feel cheated. Not that they parted ways in the Nomad ending (that was sad, but sad endings are not bad), but that there is no happy-ish ending romance wise for a cishet female. People who romanced Panam obviously stay together with her and those who romanced Judy do too from what I’ve read (and no idea about Kerry’s romance), but not getting that option if you choose to be female and go for a het romance takes away from the game. Sadly. Also my last interaction with River in Rogue’s ending was fucking terrible, I liked how poetic that ending was for Rogue and Johnny until I got to the rest of my V’s life.

(But I still headcanon that River eventually joined V with the Aldecaldos in my canon ending, aka the Nomads’, despite what he said. Since his post-credit message implies he might visit her and stuff.)

As for the rest of the ending... CP2077 clearly states that life isn’t happy and that there’re no happy endings for people who live in NC, so I like that no ending is completely happy since you are bound to die anyway, but. But. It’s somewhat disheartening that the overall arc can be resumed to “all that you did served for nothing, you’re still dying so your efforts were absolutely useless.” I really don’t see how to improve it without defaulting to a happy, sunshine-esque ending that fixes everything, so I don’t know. It still wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at the end, so... I liked it but didn’t, at the same time. Ha.

And lastly, I hoped for endgame playability and there is none, you have to revert to an earlier save to keep playing. I get why it wasn’t done, to give a definitive end to V’s story in NC, but anyway. What I really liked about this choice was that no matter the ending, V becomes no one again. They will be forgotten by most people after a while either because they leave with the nomads or because they ‘disappear’, aka die in a blaze of glory in that casino in space. Or well, sell their soul to Arasaka or commit suicide on the rooftop.

So overall, I loved this game and critics are somewhat too harsh. But I agree there are some terrible design choices and a long way of bugfixing to get to the specific masterpiece that we were hoping for.

[positivityforlesbians]

There aren’t “many lesbian characters and relationships in movies and shows” at all... there are actually so few! A lot of characters that are called lesbians are actually canonically bisexual, even if they don’t dare to use the word. And nothing wrong with having bi representation, that’s good too but lesbians and bi women have different experiences so when I’m watching a “lesbian” show/movie and it ends up being bisexual it gets a bit tiring because I can almost never relate to those stories. In almost every wlw love story I’ve ever seen, one or both of the women have relationships with men and I get that’s relatable to many wlw but when it’s the only type of storyline we ever get is... it gets old, idk. I’d love to watch a wlw story with no men involved, no straight sex scenes, no more “married woman cheats on her husband with a girl” or “lesbians break up so one of them goes and has sex with a man to get over the breakup”, no over-sexualization, just 2 women in love with 0 men between them at any point. I’m not saying that having that kind of past is not a common experience for many wlw, I’m just saying it’d be nice to have more exclusively wlw stories and more really lesbian characters. Because in an ideal reality, no lesbian should ever have to be involved with a man, and it’d be nice to see it at least in fiction, for a change. Gentleman Jack was great because Anne Lister was the first lesbian character I ever related to, I wish there were more like her, with no interest or involvement with men in any way ever. I also loved The haunting of bly manor because they handled the story so well and it didn’t feel like the typical “men forced in a wlw story” thing, so it can be done well if only they tried. Anyway I guess what I mean is that we don’t really have many lesbians in fiction, and there are even less wlw stories without men, so I consider we have so little representation and most of it is pretty bad... idk why you all think we have more representation now, we really, sadly don’t. I relate to the other person about not being able to enjoy “lesbian” media because it’s full of straight and unrelatable stuff in between tbh.

Responding to this message daaaaays later but I’m 100% sure I never said that there are many lesbians characters today, rather I said “more”, which is correct considered the fact that when I was a teenager I knew an exact total of one tv show with a lesbian couple, which was Naomi and Emily in Skins second generation (it was also my first lesbian ship, oh how time flies !), while I do agree with you on how there’s too many stories where men are involved and we really need to see more lesbian characters and lesbian relationships were men are nowhere to be seen I don’t think that there are many characters that are called “lesbians but are in fact canonically bisexuals”. For the most part we have characters whose sexual orientation isn’t stated, if there isn’t a clear coming out scene then we have to read between the lines to know what their sexual orientation is. If they have relationships that they enjoy with both men and women then the characters are bi women obviously, though the films/shows will rarely have the word “bisexual” be heard, yes we lack terribly representation of lesbians who call themselves lesbians (and lack just butch representation, that’s the worst of it all) and have zero men attached to their past, you seem to be considering lesbians who did have such a past (that they didn’t enjoy, they didn’t know their sexual orientation right away) as if they are not lesbians at all. I’ll just clear this out again, they aren’t bisexuals. 

There’s a difference between bi women and lesbians who (unconsciously or not) were trying to fit in with society pushing straight relationships on us, I wish this was different but studies show that gay men realize that they’re gay men sooner than lesbians realize that they’re lesbians (if I remember well gay men realize toward 16-17 years old, while lesbians do toward 19-20 years old). That being said yes again we absolutely need more lesbian representation without that past, without men in the vicinity of these characters’ relationships and just us knowing clearly what their sexual orientation are, it would be amazing !! The worst type of shit I saw was that film “The kids are alright”, I never want to see again a married woman cheating her wife with a man “just because”. Gentleman Jack and Bly Manor were indeed both really well written and the representation felt refreshing and Just Right ! 👌 Xx

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

More Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing

A long while back, I typed up some posts ranting about characters and tropes I disliked.  These were Male and Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing, and they’ve become my most popular posts yet.  Recently, I was struck by some topical inspiration, and decided it was time for a sequel!  

One again, these are my personal, subjective opinions!  No one dictates your writing or portrayals but you, and no one can or should decide how you consume fiction.  Also, as you may notice, I actually like most of the ladies below;  I just don’t like certain aspects of their portrayal.

Enjoy, and happy writing everybody! 

1.  The Daenerys (i.e. the spontaneous war criminal)

Image source

Who she is:

The formerly heroic Mother of Dragons, who randomly charbroiled a city full of innocent people.

Why it sucks:

I’m not even talking about this from a feminist standpoint, or how one of the most consistently heroic and powerful female characters took an abrupt and undignified backflip into the Dark Side.  I’m speaking from a writer’s standpoint.  

Regardless of whether you liked Daenerys, she was rivaled only by Jon and Brienne as the show’s most consistently heroic character  From locking away her dragon children to ensure the safety of her subjects, to freeing countless enslaved citizens, she’s spent a decade proving herself to be an altruistic and noble figure.  And then, in the final two episodes of the entire show, the writers dracarys-ed that shit.

For some comparison, just imagine how ridiculous it would be if Jon Snow suddenly went batshit and started hacking up citizens because he was feeling stressed.  That’s about as plausible as Dany’s sudden passion for genocide.

And for the record, I’m not opposed to Daenerys becoming Mad Queen.  If it was done properly. This would mean informing the actress far in advance so she could modify her portrayal accordingly (which they didn’t), and building up to it through foreshadowing and established attributes.  Not at the last fucking minute.

Honestly, the only characters who remained narratively consistent to the very end are Drogon and Ghost, who are both precious babies who did nothing wrong.  

How to avoid her:

Decide as early as possible where a character arc is going.  Contrary to what Game of Thrones seems to believe, the character arc is important.  It should have a beginning, challenges that incite development, and a satisfying conclusion that showcases how a character has changed and evolved.  

And if you didn’t decide early?  You still have to come up with a conclusion that makes sense for your character, and not slap on the most unexpected ending possible in the name of Subverting Expectations.

On that note?  Subverting expectations isn’t always a good thing, and a reader predicting your ending isn’t the worst possible outcome.  Focus on telling a good story.  

2.  The Rayon (i.e. the transgender stereotype)

Who she is:

A transgender woman (portrayed by the male, cisgender Jared Leto) dying slowly of AIDS in Dallas Buyer’s Club.  Her role in the narrative is to teach the supposedly heterosexual (more on that later) main character that queer people are human beings.  

Why it sucks:

Rayon is many things in Buyer’s Club, and most are firmly rooted in stereotypes.  She’s a sassy, flirtatious, clothing-obsessed, self-loathing, drug-addicted prostitute.   She’s hypersexual, but never treated as romantically desirable.  She’s tragic, but also one of the few consistently comedic characters in an otherwise bleak film. 

It’s her job to gently goad the main character into treating her with basic respect, but he never quite gets there.  He refers to her with male pronouns throughout the entire film, and never acknowledges her as a woman.  At one point, he aims a gun at her genitals and offers her a “sex change operation.”  Which, is supposed to be comedic.

This isn’t to say that there are no sassy, flirtatious, clothing-obsessed, self-loathing, drug-addicted transgender sex workers, nor is there anything wrong with “stereotypical” trans people.  It isn’t the job of the marginalized to dispel stereotypes.  And if real trans people had created and portrayed Rayon, she could have been a realistic, dynamic, and compelling character.

And I say “created” because Rayon is strictly fictional.  Outside of this film, she didn’t exist.  

“Well, at least they tried to offer representation!”  you protest.  “What else was it supposed to be about?  A straight dude in the AIDS epidemic?”

Well, no.  Though the main character, Ron Woodroof, is presented to us as a violently homophobic, transphobic, womanizing asshole, the real Woodroof was, by all accounts, kind-hearted, open-minded, and bisexual.  

What could have been a powerful story of a queer man defying his diagnosis, living joyfully and meaningfully, and helping to prolong the lives of countless AIDS-sufferers, was instead watered down to a story of a straight, pugnacious asshole and his stereotypical, long-suffering, transgender sidekick who dies to Teach Him Compassion.  

How to avoid her:

Read books by trans people.  Consume media they create or endorse.  

List of youtube channels created by trans people here, and 21 books for trans awareness month here.

Put out a special call for transgender beta readers to point out mistakes, misconceptions, and offer tips on an authentic portrayal.

Garner insight into their perspective and experiences, and give them personalities outside of being trans.  

3.  The Piper Chapman (i.e. the unflavored oatmeal)

GIF source

Who she is:

The “protagonist” of Orange is the New Black, and its least compelling character.  She and Larry are the sort of people who would ask me for a threesome on Tinder.  

Why it sucks:

Piper’s hook is that she’s a privileged, affluent white woman who unjustly finds herself in prison for -- well, for crimes she committed.  But expected to get away with, because, Privilege.

This isn’t to say Piper is boring.  She’s far from likable, but being likable and being boring aren’t the same thing.  In another series, watching a relatively cushioned, naive, bourgeoisie woman string along various significant others, thoughtlessly incite violence, and navigate an unfamiliar prison setting would make for thought-provoking and hilarious satire.  

But when compared to her charismatic supporting cast, with richly developed backstories, motivations, and relationships, she’s painfully bland.  I would much rather watch a series centered around Suzanne, Nikki, Taystee, Poussey, or even Pennsatucky.  They’re just more developed, opulent, enjoyable characters. 

It could be argued that Piper is the viewpoint character, whom the audience is supposed to relate to.  But I can assert that I don’t relate to Piper.  At all.  Her lack of empathy towards others -- such as leaving Alex after the death of her mother, cheating on her fiance, and inadvertently starting a *ahem* white power gang -- alienated me to her.  

Which might not be such a bad thing, but Piper is (supposedly) the protagonist.  We don’t need to like her, but we should probably be able to relate to her.

Or maybe I’m just jealous that hot women aren’t inexplicably fighting over me.

How to avoid her:

Your protagonist doesn’t have to be the most likable character in your story.  They don’t even necessarily have to be the most interesting character in your story.  And certainly not the most morally good, powerful, or knowledgeable.  But the viewpoint character is the character who we spend the most time with, and from whose eyes we perceive the story.  It’s important that we understand and relate to them emotionally.

Look at examples like BoJack Horseman, Holden Caulfield, Tony Soprano, Beatrix from Kill Bill, Mavis from Young Adult, Nadia from Russian Doll.  All are complex characters, with varying degrees of moral ambiguity.  Yet we can empathize with them emotionally and identify with them.  Even if we’ve never been in their situation, we see where they’re coming from.

4.  The Charlie (i.e. the dead lesbian)

Who she is:

One of the few recurring openly queer characters in the incredibly long-running Supernatural.  A lesbian who’s journey was (sort of) brought to an end when she was killed and dumped in a bathtub to incite drama.

Why it sucks:

I love Supernatural  but it can be remarkably tone deaf towards queer people, women, and marginalized groups.  Which, probably merits fixing, considering its following is largely comprised of queer people, women, and marginalized groups.  

I probably shouldn’t have to explain why killing off women and queer people for drama is Bad, but I’ll delve into its history a little:  from what I’ve read, censorship laws of the twentieth century forbade the portrayal of queer people unless they were ultimately killed or “reformed.”  This is why so much LGBTQ+ fiction is essentially gay tragedy porn, and why gays are so frequently buried to aid in the emotional narrative of their straight counterparts.  

That’s not to say queer people can never be killed off.  I might not have an issue with Charlie’s death (especially in a show as violent as Supernatural), if she weren’t the only openly queer character at the time.  

And there’s plenty of room for representation!  If Dean was openly bisexual, if angels were vocally confirmed to be nonbinary, and if there were more recurring, respectfully portrayed female and sapphic characters, Charlie’s death might not feel like such as slap in the face.  But as it is, it feels like a contribution to an ugly pattern.

In fairness, Supernatural has since improved in its portrayal of queer people:  two gay male hunters were introduced and given a happy ending, an alternate universe version of Charlie was introduced to the cast, and God is portrayed as a bisexual man.  

Yes.  All of that happened.  You have to see it to understand.

How to avoid her:

Educate yourself on the history of censorship in the LGBTQ+ community, as well as hate crimes and decreased life expectancy.  Make sure you aren’t contributing to the suffering of queer people.

If you have only one confirmed queer character in the midst of a very large cast, I’m inclined to think you need more.  You could say I’m BI-ased on the matter, though.

Look up “fridging,” and think about how many stories use the death of female characters to incite drama for men.

5.  The Allison (i.e. the reformed feminine)

GIF source

Who she is:

She’s one of the most interesting members of the Breakfast Club, and that’s saying something.  A self-proclaimed compulsive liar who will “do anything sexual” with or without the promise of a million dollars (as well as one of the most quotable characters in the film) she demonstrates the emotional pain and complexity that’s often ignored or shrugged off as teen angst.  

And then she gets a makeover and a hot boyfriend, and suddenly everything’s better.  

Why it sucks:

It would be one thing if Allison’s problem was that she didn’t feel pretty or desirable.  But she never (to my recollection) offers any indication of that, and that’s part of what makes her such a refreshing portrayal of insecurity.  She’s emotionally neglected by her parents, and that is appropriately treated as devastating.  

It’s a complex and beautifully-portrayed problem that deserved far more than such a superficial, slapped-on solution.

Similarly, there’s no reason why Allison is paired up with the jock at the end of the film.  Neither showed any romantic interest in one another until her unnecessary makeover.  

A much better ending to her arc would be her finding acceptance among her newfound friends, and finally garner the recognition and acknowledgement she never got from her parents. 

I was torn between using Allison for this example, or Sandy’s makeover from Grease.  In both, girls are encouraged to alter their appearances to solve plot-related problems.  And both were “fixed” to conform to some standard of femininity or feminine sexuality that they didn’t meet before.

How to avoid her:

If a character feels the need to change their appearance to accommodate others or be respected, that should probably be treated as a negative thing.

Your character’s appearance can be a good tool to represent emotional changes.  If they alter their appearance, there should be a meaningful reason behind it -- outside of fitting into societal norms or garnering the approval of others. 

A girl putting on makeup isn’t a groundbreaking plot point, and girls who don’t perform to standards of femininity aren’t broken or deficient.  They don’t need “correcting.”

[sclczcr]

( jon kortajarena,  cis male, he/him, thirty ) ** ♔ announcing ANDER SALAZAR,  the KNIGHT from SPAIN ! upon closer look, they resemble JON KORTAJARENA. it is a miracle that HE survived the last five years, considering they are CYNICAL, RESILIENT, and INDUSTRIOUS. i hope the plague has not changed them. they are FOR working together with the other kingdoms. 

BASICS

GIVEN NAME: Ander Salazar AGE: 30 DATE OF BIRTH: April 13th PLACE OF BIRTH:  Salazar Valley, Navarre GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: he/him SEXUALITY: bisexual, demiromantic    RELIGION: lapsed Catholic OCCUPATION: knight

PHYSICAL TRAITS:

HEIGHT: 6’5’’ BODY TYPE: lean, built for agility HAIR COLOR: brown EYE COLOR: brown BIRTHMARKS/SCARS: no birthmarks, plenty of scars, none of them particularly serious looking NOTABLE TRAITS: jaw that could cut glass RIGHT HANDED OR LEFT HANDED?:  ambidextrous, originally left-handed

PERSONALITY

FIVE TRAITS: diligent, adaptable, charming, dishonest, impetuous MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil MBTI TYPE: ESTP-A ( the Entrepreneur ) STAR SIGN: Aries PHOBIAS/FEARS: failure, being judged for his birth (or lack thereof) BEST QUALITY:  doesn’t quit, really difficult to offend WORST QUALITY:  liar, occasionally resentful  ELEMENT: Fire

BIOGRAPHY

Ander doesn’t remember much from his childhood, other than being an orphan handed off to the church. One day, a man came riding in on a black stallion and took him away from the monks without so much as a grunt in his direction. His memories of the journey are hazy – he couldn’t have been more than four or five, and he hadn’t understood much at the time, or for a long while after.

He was raised in the duke Sotomayor’s holding, training to become a household guard, which for years only meant he got the most menial and unpleasant jobs, in between bouts of brutal training. Mocking the charity case was a favorite pastime of the younger lordlings and he’d ignored them at first, playing dumb, biding his time until he was strong enough to toss them on their finely clad arses.

He took his time, waited to catch each alone, and it worked for a while, until they teamed up and ambushed him. The beating that followed had been so terrible he was certain he was going to die right then and there – and he’s still convinced he would have, had the lord of the manor not walked in at an opportune moment. To Ander’s surprise, he actually seemed furious with his grandchildren and his punishment lasted for months. He even called a physician for Ander, to make sure the damage would heal right. It was more of a kindness than he’d expected out of the world, and particularly out of the man who’d barely said more than two words to him since he took him from the church orphanage all those years ago, but he hid his surprise, no matter how tinged with skepticism, when expressing his gratitude for the generosity.  He realized the old man was cannier than he’d given him credit for when his only response was a scoff of amusement.

It seemed the lord had a better grasp on Ander’s character, than he did on his. Because while he was nothing but an orphan, abandoned on the steps of a church when he was just a babe, he had his pride, and even some ambitions. There was a reason he worked so hard at being a squire, and why he wouldn’t complain even during the most backbreaking of tasks – he wanted to make sure he had it in his to succeed and make something more of his life. His attempts to ingratiate himself to the lord of the castle had a lot more to do with that, than with any genuine esteem he held for the man – while not ungrateful, Ander harbored no uplifting sentiments for the one who plucked him out of a life of prayer and humility. He only wanted the chance to prove himself.

So he put himself forward, doing his best to make an impression, working even harder to ensure he would be noticed. His efforts were fruitful, at first, the old man seemed to develop a soft spot for the orphan boy, and would include him in hunting parties organized in the area. He became his squire and found himself in the presence of other noble families with increasing frequency.  

He became a favorite in the household, gaining the reputation of being quick-witted and capable, and while he was no longer a child, he was still years away from adulthood, and thus given some lenience, so that he could experience how enjoyable life could be.

He got his first taste of romance during those days – some of the last good days he’d have in a good long while – and while their interactions had been brief and quite innocent, they both became quite evidently besotted with each other, drawing the attention of the household. She was one of the duke’s many grandchildren, but for a brief, shining moment, Ander was convinced they could be together, the old man must surely have gotten soft in his old age, and he’d figure out a way to sway him in their favor, but before he even had the chance to begin his machinations in earnest, the duke coldly informed him he was banished. 

The second home he’d had – the only one he remembered, and he was forced to leave it in short order, barely given enough time to wrap his head around it. He was put on a horse, a satchel and sword thrown at him and was unceremoniously escorted out of the castle, the gates shutting firmly behind him.

The first day he wandered aimlessly, mind wiped of all thought, but when night came and he found himself without shelter, he forced himself out of his daze and struggled to come up with a plan. They’d given him a good steed and decent equipment, and even some coin – just not enough to settle somewhere. He joined the army, figuring that was what his training prepared him for, anyway and then spent years fighting other people’s battles, distinguishing himself as a natural solider, but lacking the name, or the family to help him raise within the ranks, bound to always keep to the fringes of power.

He was making friends with important people, at least, and close to power was still better than out there in the camp, so he took the little he could and held on to it. One of those friends proved quite important indeed, and Ander suddenly found himself orbiting around a member of the royal family. During a skirmish, he succeeded in saving his life and turning the battle around just at its most hopeless, and this time, the rewards were more than empty words and scraps. He was invested as a royal guard, part of the royal retinue and now in between fighting, he found himself in the safest place in the kingdom, patrolling the corridors of the palace. He was still only a solider, but now, finally, a comfortable one. Still on the fringes of power, at least now he’s closest to the greatest one. And when the plague came, and then the fires, at least he found himself on the right side of the wall separating those who have from the have nots.

He might have spent the last five years with his nerves drawn taught as a wire, but at least he was removed from the immediate danger, and living in relative comfort. Nonetheless, he is eager to put the confinement behind him, ready to deal with danger head on, rather than drive himself mad waiting for it every shadow to become an assassin, or hearing the distant shouts, but unable to see his enemies. Anything that would make things return to normal sooner, is at least worth a try, in his eyes.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Basically, this guy is ready to start living again - so partners in mischief and adventure are eagerly awaited: friends, frenemies, rivals (for whatever reason: they think he cheated at cards/dice (he probably did, but good luck proving it), an unfortunate pub brawl, etc.)

someone from the Spanish court he saved in battle. they would have meet on the front before the whole plague thing, struck up a friendship in their downtime and then during a fight gone terribly wrong, Ander stepped in and saved their life. It would have to be a member of the higher echelon nobility, or please, please, please ( !!! ) someone from the royal family.

he’s a bastard from a Spanish noble family - his mother was unwed and she died in childbirth. I imagine that in private this was quite a big scandal and put a lot of pressure on the family, especially when his grandfather (feeling guilty and regretting his attitude towards his daughter since she died) took him back from the monastery they abandoned him at and raised him in his household for a little over a decade. So...any trueborn family members who feel some kind of way about all of this - Ander didn’t realize who his sponsor was until after he’d already left the castle, when he heard the rumors about the family from outsiders. 

these are the only somewhat crystalized ideas I have for him, but if anyone else comes up with anything, please drop me an IM! I’m always, always up for plotting!

[princecupcakee]

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 2,969

Chapter: 5/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3), Chapter 3 (AO3), Chapter 4 (AO3)

Next Chapter: 

Summary: Recently divorced and ‘incapable of love’, Eddie Kaspbrak moves to Los Angeles for work and a small, small hope of a fresh start. Broken up and never dated again, Richie Tozier tries to get back into love with help from his love of music. Quickly meeting eyes and one concert later, they think that maybe love isn’t that bad. So they try it one more time.

Chapter 5: Richie Tozier And Eddie Kaspbrak Get A Turtle, Richie Tozier Plans A Proposal, Richie Tozier Goes Viral

Tags/Warnings: Angst / Unhappy Ending / theres only one sex scene but this is explicit anyway / Bisexual Richie Tozier / Gay Eddie Kaspbrak / Post-Divorce / Implied/Referenced Cheating / Inspired By Remembering Sunday (All Time Low) / Inspired by The Book Ninja by Ali Berg / Implied/Referenced Child Abuse / Implied/Referenced Abuse / Implied/Referenced Manipulation

Tag-list: @richietoaster��, @s-s-georgie​, @mikeuris​​, @gazebobullshit​, @that-weird-girls-blog​, @tozierking​​, @thoughtfullyyoungduck​, @s-onora​, @bellarosewrites​, @lermanslogan​, @ambitiousskychild​, @ghostnebula​, @vanillaredvelvet​, 

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 5

Richie Tozier And Eddie Kaspbrak Get A Turtle

“Look, if you don’t get me the papers before the end of this week, we will lose this client… yes, I know. I have a meeting with them at the end of this week…yes, I need them tomorrow, Karen… yes. Yes, thank you.” Eddie sighed and threw his head back on the couch. His last few days have been absolutely hectic, with one of their biggest clients yet, he’s barely been able to get a break.

“Eds!” Richie called, opening the door, “I’m back! Where are you?”  He had gone out to see Walter and Maddison for a few hours while his parents were busy with his sister. He didn’t ask for more details.

“Yeah! I’m here!” Eddie tiredly calls.

Richie smiled weakened when he saw Eddie tiredly sprawled across the couch, “I got a gift for you.”

“What is it?” Eddie smiles, pulling his head back up.

Richie takes his hands away from behind his back and holds… a turtle. Richie’s eyes wide and bright, “look! I went to this restaurant across the street —don’t ask why— and found this little guy in a cage! It was ridiculous! I told them if I could have it and they just let me.”

“Why… why would you get me a turtle?” Eddie irritatedly asked.

“I thought-“

“Are you stupid? Richie, what are we supposed to do with a turtle? How are we supposed to take care of it?”

“We can go to the pet shop and-“

“Neither of us know how to take care of a turtle. Are you sure its even safe? W-we could get, like, Salmonella or something!”

“Eds.” Richie strictly said, his face showing no sign of anger, “it’ll be fun though. We can take care of it together, we can go to the pet store and get stuff- I’ll wash my hands after touching it every time.”

Eddie looked at the turtle skeptically, “fine,” he finally said. Richie’s smile came back and sat down beside Eddie who slightly moved away after. Ignoring the movement, Richie asks him, “what do we name it? We can name it, like, Pennywise.”

“What? No! That sounds horrible! That sounds like a- a fucking horror movie character or something!”

“That the name of the killer clown that you thought broke into Ben and Bev’s house and tried to kill you?” Richie snickered.

“Fuck you,” Eddie hisses with no real anger.

“Well, what names do you have?”

“Uh, I don’t know… Maturin.”

Richie gave him a look, “Okay, thats no better than mine!”

“Yes, it is!”

“No, no, no, you know what? Hold on,” Richie rambles, taking his phone from his pocket. Quickly typing something, Eddie gets a notification from his phone. Thinking its Karen (finally) giving him the papers early, he sighs and opens his phone. Karen is still definitely late with giving him the paperwork, but now Richie has created a group chat. Eddie was already fearful of what would come.

The Family - Ben Marsh, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough, Stan Uris, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak

Stan: What the fuck is it this time, Richie.

Bev: Stan be nice

Richie: Yeah stan be nice

Richie could hear Eddie snicker beside him.

Richie: but anyway, me and Eddie are dads and we need a name for our child

Bev: how did this motherfucker get a kid

Bev: I thought it would be stan and patty first

Eddie: How did you get Mike and Bill’s numbers?

Richie: Nothing.

Stan: He’s lying, he never uses punctuation.

“Shit,” Richie murmured.

“How are you this bad at hiding things?”

Mike: He asked us what your favourite food was so he would know where to take you out on a date, Eddie.

Richie: nO

Richie waited for Eddie’s reaction, he assumed that Eddie wasn’t uncomfortable, seeing as there was a blush on his face.

Stan: Wait a minute. Mike Hanlon? Like, ‘first-ever-school-day-was-college’ Mike Hanlon?

Mike: Thats how you remember me?

“They know each other?” Richie says from beside Eddie.

“I think they were exes.”

“Really?”

“Thats what I remember” Eddie shrugged looking back down on his phone. He knew it was pretty stupid to be texting in a group chat while they sat together, but they did need that name. (Thats what Eddie tried to tell himself, if the true reason isn't obvious enough.)

Stan: Holy shit. Dude hey how’ve you been?

Mike: Pretty good actually.

Richie: GUYS WE’RE NAMING MY CHILD

Richie: HELLO!! PAY ATTENTION

Mike: I’m staying in LA for a while since they needed more people in this branch.

Mike: Thats also why Eddie and my boyfriend are here too.

Stan: Good for you, man. I’m assuming your boyfriend is Bill Denbrough because thats the only name I’m not familiar with.

Ben: You’re familiar with Eddie’s?

Richie: GUYS

Stan: Richie doesn’t know how to shut up.

Richie: DO YOU NOT CARE THAT I HAVE A CHILD NOW

“Richie, how are you still this annoying over text?”

“You love it.”

“I really don’t,” he laughs and shakes his head. He does.

Bev: Richie, if you did have a child I would know immediately.

Mike: Yeah it is :)

Richie: DAMN HETS LISTEN TO ME

Mike: not hetero

Bill: I’m not straight either

Richie: DAMN PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME

Stan: I’ve generally had enough.

Bev: Alright, Losers (not you Ben and Mike) we’re all getting lunch. Bring your ‘child’, Richie. We’ll name him there.

Richie Tozier changed the chat name to ‘The Losers’ Club’

With Bev sending the address of the restaurant “Our friends confuse me,” Eddie says shutting his phone.

~~~

“Meet my child!” Richie says loudly, earning a few looks from the others in the restaurant. He takes a seat in between Stan and Eddie grinning widely and presenting the currently unnamed turtle.

“Its-its a fucking turtle,” Stan says critically.

“His name is Penny-“

“No its not,” Eddie smiles as he cuts him off.

“What names do you guys have?” Ben asks politely, trying to bring back the lightness of the table before the two had walked in.

“Pennywise.”

“Maturin.”

The table spun with an agreement to Eddie’s name over Richie’s choice as Richie pouts in his seat. A waitress came to check for their orders, a confused look on her face once seeing the turtle perfectly still in Richie’s hands.

“Richie that name sounds like a child’s nightmare,” Bev jokes once the waitress has gone. Richie sticks his tongue out to her childishly.

“Maturin it is then?” Eddie laughs triumphantly.

“Where did you even get that name?” Richie asks bitterly. The rest of the group just laughs.

Eddie loved this. He really did. Everyone talking and enjoying and Eddie finally feeling like he hasn’t done anything wrong. They felt like family. The few people who he could talk to without causing any pain or problem. The few people who would let him be himself without having to feel like he was in a cage. He didn’t want to lose any of this. And from the smile on Richie’s face, he doesn’t think he will.

Richie Tozier Plans A Proposal

Some people would think he was crazy. He thought he was crazy.  They were dating for just slightly more than three months and he was already planning, the date, the time, the place of when he would ask Eddie to marry him. ‘Old habits die hard’ Richie guesses as he sits alone in his bed, writing down the perfect ideas for asking Eddie.

Yeah, he rushed it with Connor, but even he knew that it wouldn’t last. That doesn’t really add up to his actions after the break up. But this was Eddie. Eddie loves him, right? He’s said so; that alone shows he isn’t anything like Connor. He couldn’t be wrong anymore, he didn’t want to have to latch on to Stan as he did before. He was nuisance while living at the Uris’, he admits that he knows he doesn’t have all the reason for it. He basically asked for it when he said, after what was supposed to be a one-night-stand, that he was dating Connor. That was on him.

But Eddie walked out of a concert with him, a stranger at the time, and let him walk him home after remembering that Connor left him at the same concert ground with the same band playing to have another one night stand with a girl. He went to one of his shows after knowing close to nothing about him other than his name when he was late to the first date he would’ve had since his horrible break up.  He went to have breakfast with him at 5 in the morning when he cried about never being loved again the night before. He sat with him in the pouring rain after realising that he was in love. That he was in love, not that he was in love again.

He turns from his back to his stomach, reaching out for his phone. He debates on whether or not to call Bev or Stan, ‘both those bitches are married,’ he thinks. And calls both of them.

“What the fuck do you want I’m trying to make dinner,” Stan says tiredly, his voice sounding distant and the sound of crackling filling the empty parts on his end.

“Whats up, Rich?” Bev says nicely, shuffling.

“I, uh,” he didn’t think it would be that hard to say.

“Spit it out, Tozier, I might fuck up my pesto.”

“Oh shit, you got pesto? Uris Pesto is the best! Can I come over?” Richie says enthusiastically.

“No. Talk, Richie,” Stan says quickly. Beverly laughs in the background.

“I wanna ask Eddie to marry me,” Richie says softly, after a beat of silence.

“Thats it? You interrupted my cooking for this shit?”

“Its serious, man!”

Beverly sighs, “Richie, Eddie loves you. This is all on you though. If you think both of you are ready, then go for it. If you’re just… scared, then, I don’t think you should.”

“I-I’m not scared,” he says to himself more than them.

“You just love him?”

“Yeah.”

“He really isn’t like anyone else, huh?” Bev laughs.

“He really isn’t,” Richie smiles to himself.

“Then do it,” Stan says simply, “if you love him enough to marry him, to ask him to marry you, then that must be something, right?”

“Thanks,” Richie says, fondly, “help me buy the ring soon?"

“Of course, Richie. Now, when, where, and how?” Beverly giggles.

~~~

His notebook opens on the coffee table, leftovers, and a cup of coffee, he attempted to plan. A restaurant didn’t seem interesting to him, a casual proposal in their house wasn’t really fun, their house maybe? The bench. He grinned and jotted down the plan.

Richie Tozier Goes Viral

“Eds, where’s my charger?” Richie asked walking out their room.

“We’ve been dating for, what, four months? How do you still not know where I put our chargers?”

“You clean things too often, I specifically remember leaving it on the floor of  my side of the bed.”

“Your blind ass would’ve stepped on it when you woke up. Your charger is in the drawer,” Eddie said and continued to eat his cereal. Richie kissed his hair and walked back to their room.

Eddie sighed. He loves Richie, he really does, but- “Eds, look at this,” Richie said excitedly almost tripping on his legs as he walked over to Eddie. Richie instinctively wrapped his arm around Eddie and showed his phone screen.

It took Eddie a moment to register what Richie was showing him, but when his thoughts hit him again he grinned, “holy shit, Rich! This is amazing!” Richie’s screen presented a video, Richie’s latest stand-up, posted online; millions of views.

“I know! And that’s not all of it,” Richie said taking his phone back to him and began to tap around, “Look!” Eddie carefully read the text on the screen, asking him to do a professional show, his grin somehow widening.

“Richie!”

“I know! And so many people are asking to be my agent and shit, and- oh fuck, baby, you gotta help me out with all this shit,” he rambles excitedly, hand gestures to try to emphasise whatever point he was trying to get across.

“Of course!” Eddie laughed to slightly lessen his energy as he stood up and kissed Richie. Richie gladly kissed back, lifting Eddie off the ground for a few seconds.

“I love you,” Richie said, forehead against Eddie’s. Richie’s phone rang loudly from his hand and they both looked at the screen and saw ‘Mrs. Molly Ringwald’

“Really?” Eddie asks sarcastically as he pulls the phone from Richie’s hands. He kisses him on the cheek and answers the call on speaker. “Hey, Bev.”

“Oh my god, did you hear about Richie! Is he asleep? I swear the little shit will be late to your own wedding-“

“I’m right here, Bev!” Richie says loudly into the phone.

“Oh. Sorry. But anyway, you heard the news! I’m so proud of you, Rich!”

“Thank you!”

“We heard the news from Bill! He has all these Hollywood connections from his books —honestly don’t know why he won’t just do that instead, no offence Eddie— and he said that you might be getting a… professional show, is it?”

“Yeah! Bill’s a writer?”

“He has some books and actually gets some good money out of it," Eddie muttered the next part,” he might get more if he wrote better endings.”

“Okay anyway, so proud of you, Rich!” Beverly congratulates again after laughing.

~~~

So as they sit in Richie’s small apartment sofa, with his hands on Eddie’s waist and Eddie’s fingers curled around in Richie’s tangled hair, he lets himself enjoy it. Richie’s arms roam under Eddie’s shirt; one hand pressed on his back and the other rubbing circles around his nipple. Eddie lets out little moans, that surge of energy through him that he didn’t even think was possible.  “Are you okay?” Richie asks.

Eddie was confused at first, still needing Richie to touch him. He noticed the pounding in his chest after a few seconds mumbling a breathy ‘I’m fine,’ and goes back to kissing Richie. Of course, a few seconds later he realises why. ‘Push them away, Kaspbrak.’

Richie lightly tugs at the bottom of Eddie shirt, Eddie quickly getting the message and raising his arms up. Richie instantly pushes Eddie’s back onto the sofa after taking his shirt off; his hands tracing every part of Eddie’s bare chest.

Eddie remembers the feeling, of being touched like this, not with Myra. Being touched in a house that wasn’t his and a bed that he wasn’t supposed to be on. But Eddie loved every second of it. Sure there was the guilt, the guilt of having a wife back home thinking he’s out late for work or out with a friend, but the feeling of it was just so good. Eddie thinks he should stop using the word ‘good’ so much but it seemed to be the only way he could describe this odd sensation in words.

Richie was pulling off his pants little by little, struggling to get them off and still keep his mouth around Eddie’s chest. The moment Richie got them off he instantly moved down to Eddie’s legs. Spreading and licking and biting at the inner side of Eddie’s thighs until they left deep marks on Eddie’s skin while his dick would twitch. “Richie take your clothes off,” he mumbled pulling at Richie’s hair in between moans.

“I’m not as pretty as you, baby, but okay,” he laughed, pulling his shirt off and kissing Eddie roughly. Eddie wanted tot protest about Richie’s statement but Eddie pulled Richie by his hair instead. Richie wanted to make a joke about it but was quickly distracted by Eddie grinding against his leg that was in between Eddie’s thighs. Richie bit down on Eddie’s neck, “don’t move, I got it,” he whispered in his ear.

Richie licked at the front of Eddie’s underwear; Eddie bucking his hips up. “I told you, don’t move,” Richie said again, pulling down Eddie’s underwear. Eddie felt cold, but Richie spreading his legs further, and his tongue teased at Eddie’s hole as he whines. Richie giggles slightly pushing his tongue in and gripping at Eddie’s thighs. His thumbs softly rub at the inner side of his thighs, feeling little bumps on the places he had sunk his teeth into only minutes earlier, he pushed his tongue in and out of Eddie’s hole. Richie pushed one finger in first, slowly adding more digits as his tongue kept moving. His tongue and fingers alternated like that for a while, at the same time he was getting hard from the noises Eddie makes.

“Richie!” Eddie shouted. Smirking, Richie aimed for his prostate over and over as Eddie’s moans grew louder and louder. Eddie’s hands had moved down to his dick, moving has a hand at a quick pace. One last strong push from Richie’s tongue or fingers (Eddie was too busy to tell) Eddie shrieked and let out more than he has in a while. Most of it had gotten on Richie’s hair some trailing down his face. “Fuck,” Eddie throws his head back against the sofa as Richie moves up to his chest again. Head resting on Eddie’s chest and kissing his nipple, his hands quickly move down to his own dick and moved. Eddie smiled, holding Richie’s face in his hands and kissing his lips. Richie pulled away and moaned as he came.  “Holy shit,” Richie mumbled forehead resting against Eddie’s as he laughed, “Wow. Been a long fucking time.”

“I know,” Eddie agreed. Despite the anxious feeling bubbling up inside him. Richie didn’t ask.

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, CI! Your application to DIANA FABRAY was accepted. I am really happy to give you your second character! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Diana Maisie Fabray CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 27 & October 12th OCCUPATION: Pilot at LA Airport FACE CLAIM: Teresa Palmer HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Born In Lima Ohio now lives in LA SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Bisexual & Cisgender female RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single POSITIVE TRAITS: Dedicated, Sympathetic, Observant NEGATIVE TRAITS: Cautious, Emotional, Irritable CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: Took my heart and sold it out to a vision that I wrote myself

HEADCANONS

Diana was born to Delphine Fabray on October 12th. Her mother always thought she should’ve been born on the 13th. Due to how Diana was never really like the rest of her family. She was the black-sheep. Maybe she got this from her father, but she never met him and didn’t plan on it. He was never in her life so she never felt like searching for him. Since she didn’t know her father her Uncle Russell took up the father role. He would often show up at her father daughter dances and brunches, just so she felt normal. However one day she found a letter that her Uncle had written to her mother. It was all about the affairs and other children he was having behind Judy’s back. This broke Diana and when she approached her mother they had a huge blowout. After yelling at her mother she went to visit her uncle. She told him how he had disappointed everyone and they would never see each other again after that day.

The letter was found very close to her high school graduation, meaning that she was able to get out right then. A week before graduation she sent in her application for the United States Marine Corps. The day of her graduation bags were already packed in her car to leave her hometown of Lima, Ohio. When arriving there she realized that she wasn’t so much of a black-sheep. It was just the environment that the girl had been placed in. A few weeks into training she met her confidant, Amelia. They could not be together romantically in the military so they stayed close friends. Who would share a kiss when they could in private. After a few months of working together they went on a very dangerous mission. Amelia was killed by a roadside bomb and Diana was there to see it all. With her body filled of shock and sadness, fellow soldiers had to pull her away. That day she was never the same and wore Amelia’s dog tags for the rest of her life.

After the accident, Diana was set for an evaluation. The doctors diagnosed her with PTSD and slight brain trauma. She was honorably discharged from the USMC at the age of 23. When leaving she thought of going back home to Lima, but there was nothing there for her. Quinn had been working in LA on and off so she made her way to California. In her journey to find her family the girl found other vices. Ones that she would’ve never touched before. The nightmares from her PTSD became too intense to deal with on her own. She began to drink and fall into a deep spiral. To this day she still needs to be careful.

After finding Quinn, the journey to recovery began. She started AA and set her sights on becoming a Pilot at LAX. While learning to fly properly there were moments when her PTSD would hit. It took many months for her to finally get into the air without having a panic attack or flashback. Now the air has become her safe place, where her mind is clear for just those moments of flying. The sky is something that she grew to love. It was the thing that Amelia and her would always stare at when they had alone time. The whole journey was hard, but she has helpers like Quinn and the dog tags.

CONNECTIONS

DELPHINE FABRAY (Mother): Diana has a very strained relationship with her mother. Once it was found that her mother knew about Uncle Russell’s affairs, she couldn’t forgive her mom. Diana felt that her mother should’ve told Judy, instead Delphine just hid behind her brother. When she was younger they were somewhat close, but she always loved Callum more. Diana is not sure if she will ever have a normal relationship with her mother. CALLUM FABRAY (Brother): Her brother was the golden child compared to Diana. He was able to be everything their mother wanted in a child. He would notice that his sister was treated differently. This caused them to have an odd type of sibling bond. When Diana was yelled at for something she had done wrong he would be up there to visit in seconds. Letting his sister cry on his shoulder as she tried to pick up pieces. When she came back from war she wasn’t the same. The only people she stayed in touch with was Callum and Quinn. Callum helped her out when she needed a place to stay. RUSSELL, PIPER & CALEB FABRAY (Uncles): Uncle Russell was her stand in dad, until he cheated on Judy. He went to he father daughter dances since she herself never knew her dad. When Diana was young she thought the world of Uncle Russ. Every time he visited he greeted the little girl “as his favorite”. Their relationship has now been very strained and they do not talk. Piper and Caleb she never got the chance to be close with. FRANNIE, QUINN, DANIEL, AVERY & JULIETTE FABRAY (Cousins):Frannie was older than her and they only really met at family functions. They weren’t very close, but she did enjoy her presence. Quinn is the same age as Diana and they are very close. The reason she was upset with Uncle Russ, was due to how heartbroken she knew Quinn would be. There is somewhat of a sister vibe they share, but since the war she has changed. However it seems Quinn was ready to handle that. Diana has not met Daniel, Avery, or Juliette. They are people she is very nervous to meet due to her being different after war. She doesn’t want them to judge her for who she is now.

[hot-tae-with-suga]

This Looks Bad || 1

Summary:  Taehyung and I were just horsing around, but someone took a picture, and now everyone thinks I’m cheating on my boyfriend Namjoon with one of his best friends. Which I’m not, because I don’t (let myself) think of Tae that way. And neither does Namjoon. Right?

Reader (1st person unnamed femme OC)/Namjoon/Taehyung

Idol AU

36.2K total || Rated M || Part 2 | Part 3 (final) | AO3 || Masterlist

Genre: fluff / smut / angst with happy ending || Warnings: Misunderstandings, Failure to Communicate, Bisexual characters, Threesome (in later parts), Smut (in later parts) 

Originally Posted 2019-03-25

Thank you so so so much to my editor S, and my wonderful betas from the JAG discord (L, V, and D)

DOI (Day of Incident)

Balancing my laptop on the arm of a couch with my legs curled up under myself to avoid accidentally flashing someone (because my very sparkly cocktail dress was very short) was not exactly how I’d imagined I’d be writing my thesis for my doctorate. Nevertheless, my boyfriend Namjoon had asked me to accompany him to this event with some music types from Japan, and I was nothing if not a dutiful partner.

I’d been proper arm candy for the first hour, but my Japanese skills barely stretched past nodding and smiling when Namjoon did. He saw that it was starting to wear on me, so he reminded me that my laptop was still in the overnight bag he’d packed if I wanted to go get some work done. I’d kissed him on the cheek and quietly made my escape. The stylists and coordi-noonas had wandered off to the loading dock for a smoke break, or were busy in other parts of the building, so I had the place to myself for at least half an hour before I even heard anyone else.

Voices carried down the hall, but I tuned them out until someone opened the door and strode through. I looked up to see who it was, smiling when I saw Taehyung, Namjoon’s group member I was closest to. He was followed by a pretty young woman who he was speaking to about some style of art, from the few words I caught before he greeted me.

“Hey Charlotte Bronte,” he joked. “Are you hiding from the guests of honour, too?” The woman looked confused, which was rather unsurprising given Taehyung’s habit of calling me by author’s names whenever he caught me writing. Which, at the current stage in my thesis project, was pretty much all the time.

I nodded and stood, quickly bowing to the woman he hadn’t yet introduced. “Yeah, I could only understand about two out of every ten words, so Joon sent me down here.” I quickly saved the work I’d been in the middle of and closed my computer. “If you need the room or anything, I can take off, though.” Maybe not the most subtle approach, but I’d never want to be accused of cockblocking one of my best friends. If Tae was desperate enough to drag this woman to the green room in the middle of an event, I wasn’t going to get in the way of him getting some. It was hard enough to date as an idol, so they tended to take every opportunity they could if they found someone they liked.

Taehyung shook his head. “No, I’m just getting changed a bit early because it will be way too crowded once everyone is back here,” he said, moving to grab his carefully labeled stage wear from the rack in the middle of the room. “Plus, everyone out there was boring, except Park Jiyoo,” he nodded toward his companion. “We were discussing art and photography. She is a curator at a gallery in Ilsan.”

I bowed again in her direction. “Hello Park Jiyoo, I’m-”

She cut me off. “I know who you are,” she said softly. “You’re Kim Namjoon’s girlfriend.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Among other things. I’m hiding out back here to work on my thesis project, feels like it’s all I do these days.”

“Joon-hyung got a smart girl,” Tae commented from behind the folding privacy screen at the back of the room. The hanger clinked against the metal frame as he hooked it over the edge. “Cause he’s a smart boy. They’re a matched set.”

“So are you looking for your match then, Taehyungie?” I teased. Even if he wasn’t bringing Jiyoo back here to hook up right this moment, I’d be a poor friend if I didn’t at least try to play wingman. “So we need to find you a goofball with little-to-no sense of personal space?” Jiyoo giggled at that.

Taehyung stuck his head around the side of the screen, obviously unbuttoning his while dress shirt. “Don’t listen to Ms. Smart Ass, she is cruel and knows nothing.” He ducked back behind the screen again, and I could hear the sound of his belt slithering out of the loops of his pants before it came flying over the top to drape over the screen. I grabbed the belt, sliding it between my hands and then folding it in half.

“Which basically means I know everything,” I told Jiyoo triumphantly. I snapped the belt against itself, the sharp noise making Tae jump and Jiyoo squeak. “But I will admit I can indeed be cruel, to boys who deserve it.”

Tae stepped around the screen, his shirt hanging completely open and off one shoulder, gathering at his elbow, while he held up his unbuttoned pants with one fist. His eyes narrowed at me.

“Give me back the belt, noona,” he warned. I giggled and held the belt behind my back, shaking my head. “The stylists have already warned me about losing costume pieces, I don’t want to get in any more trouble.”

I shook my head again, backing up as he stepped forward. The game of keep away was familiar, reminding me of nights of drinking in the dorm or playing around after a concert as the adrenaline faded. “Nuh-uh, it makes such a fun noise. I think I’d like to use it to scare Namjoon later,” I teased.

Tae took a couple long steps towards me, gaining ground quickly since his legs were to much longer than my own. “I don’t care what kinky shit you and hyung get up to, do it with someone else’s belt!”

I stepped backwards to escape the approaching man, but I’d reached the edge of the room, where a series of tables and mirrors had been set up for makeup and hair, and Tae was in front of me before I could divert course. He reached around me with his free hand, but I twisted and bent to keep the belt out of his reach. Frustrated, he dropped the hand holding his pants up, letting them fall to the floor so he could use both arms to grab for the accessory. I was laughing, switching it from one hand to the other, trying to keep it from him even though I knew that with his superior wing span he’d pin me eventually.

That’s when we saw the flash of light.

Both of us turned to see Park Jiyoo with her phone out, the camera lens pointed at the two of us, with a look of guilty embarrassment on her face. I looked down and saw what she had been taking a picture of: a half-naked Taehyung practically groping me.

“What the hell, Jiyoo-ssi?” Tae asked sharply, and the woman looked panicked. She spun around and ran for the door, both Taehyung and I close behind her.

Tae was slowed down by his loosened pants, which had fallen around his ankles, so I was the one to slide out of the green room in my stockinged feet and shout at security to stop Jiyoo. I watched her try to evade them for a few moments, but it was a narrow hallway and they were big guys, so it wasn’t long before they caught her and took her to the venue security office.

I followed, speaking to the guard in charge. “She was backstage with us, and she took an unauthorized photo, of V,” I used his stage name, trying to impress upon them the seriousness of the matter. I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. I was used to being photographed when I was out with Namjoon, but this had been a private moment between friends, and I knew the situation we were in would look incredibly suggestive, even though it had been mostly innocent.

Namjoon, Taehyung and the other members were such a big part of my life now, they acted so normal, that it was easy to forget how careful they had to be with the people around them. Sometimes that nice young woman they were talking about art with wasn’t able to be trusted with their privacy. It was a wonder they ever let anyone outside their own industry in.

Venue security turned the situation over to Big Hit’s security team, who directed me to wait nearby in case they had any questions. Taehyung found me shortly thereafter, having re-dressed himself and then wandering a bit to find the security office. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into him, soaking up any comfort he could offer. The other members happened to file past on their way to prepare for the performance, Namjoon breaking off to join us when he noticed we weren’t where he expected.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, immediately opening his arms and pulling me close when I extracted myself from Tae and approached him. “What’s wrong, baby? You look worried.”

Taehyung’s large hand rubbed across my back where it wasn’t covered by Joon’s arms. “There was a woman, a fan maybe? I don’t know. Someone I brought back to the green room with me when I was getting changed, she ended up taking a picture of noona and me while we were goofing off. Who knows, maybe more than one,” he explained softly.

“So what?” Namjoon sounded confused. “So she got some backstage pictures? It’s not like our relationship is a secret, so what’s the issue?”

“The pictures will look bad, Joon-ah,” I mumbled into his chest where my face was still pressed. Leaning back, I added, “Tae and I...We were in a kind of compromising position.”

Tae sighed and elaborated, “I was in the middle of getting changed, noona and I were goofing around like usual. We’ll just hope they can delete the photos off the phone and send her on her way.”

Just as he said it, their head of security stepped into the hall and approached us, while one of the venue security lead Jiyoo in the opposite direction, toward the back exit. “I’m afraid I have some bad news,” the security head lead with. “She sent a couple of pictures into a group chat before they grabbed her. One of the ones that got out…” He shrugged and looked sympathetic. “Let’s say its not flattering. I’ll contact head office, they’re going to want to get ahead of the storm that’s coming.”

***

I’d been more than a little worried that the commotion might have thrown off their performance, but all the members had been doing this for too long to let a little incident like that bleed through. I’d heard tales of shows on tour that they had performed hurt, sick, and heartbroken; one little kerfuffle with a rogue fan wasn’t going to shake them.

After the event, Namjoon came back with me to my place, as we’d planned beforehand. We’d been instructed by management not to look on our SNS or any gossip sites, management would get a handle on what was happening and didn’t want us to be unnecessarily stressed. I explained to Namjoon exactly what happened in the room, every single detail at least three times, but I still wouldn’t know how bad it was until I saw the picture.

I could only imagine the worst, though, remembering that Tae was practically shirtless, his pants around his knees, pinning me to the table with his hips and reaching around me with both his arms. My dress was so short it had ridden up high on my thighs, I’d had to pull it down before running after the girl. I’d remembered more details each time I described it to Namjoon, repeating it often enough for him to accuse me of trying to turn him on with it.

I stamped my foot and crossed my arms, pouting at him. “Kim Namjoon, this is serious! I don’t want you to think I’d ever do something like that to you,” I whined. “I just want, like, full disclosure. I don’t want you to be surprised.” He moved in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

“I know baby, I know you’d never cheat, that’s why I’m not worried. I trust you, and not only that, but I trust my members. Sure, Jungkook has issues keeping his hands off his hyung’s things, and I’ve seen the way some of them look at you when they think I won’t notice, but they are my family. Closer than, even, and more loyal,”Namjoon said. He chuckled to himself, adding, “And if it was going to be any of them to try something with my girl, it’d never be Taehyung.” He ran his hands down my arms and pulled me closer.

“Hmm?” I asked. “Why?” The way he’d said that last bit struck me as weird.

He looked down at me, mumbling, “I told you, I trust you.”

“Why are you so sure of Taehyung out of all of them though? Because he’s your roommate? Am I so far out of his type that he’d never be attracted to me?” Something occurred to me, and I gasped. “Is he gay?” I started to backpedal, aware of how that could sound. “I mean, its fine if he is, of course, I’d just never had any idea, and I thought he’d had a girlfriend before-”

“Babe,” Namjoon interrupted my spiral into incoherent rambling. “Tae likes girls, and I’m sure he thinks you’re very cute. Just trust me when I say that Taehyung would never think of doing something like that to me.” He bent to give me a gentle kiss that quickly turned into something hotter.

Namjoon picked me up, not breaking our kiss, and set me on the back of my couch, his arms still around me to keep me stable. “Now,” he started. “All of your talk about this potentially naughty picture kinda got me all worked up. Were you like this?” His hands on my hips slid the dress I still wore up a little further, and he pressed himself between my legs. Evidence of just how ‘worked up’ I’d gotten him tented his pants, and I moaned feeling it against my thigh.

He kissed me again, lips sliding against mine until I pulled back enough to point out, “Yeah, just like this. But Tae was wearing way less clothes.” Namjoon laughed, shrugging off his jacket and helping me with the buttons of his shirt.

1 Day P.I (Post Incident)

The next morning I accompanied Namjoon back to the Big Hit offices, which photographers captured since they were waiting for us outside my apartment building. I wasn’t even sure how they had found out where I lived, but apparently they were motivated enough to do so and caught us by surprise. Namjoon held my hand as we walked as quickly as possible toward the car the company had sent for us, hiding behind sunglasses and masks as best we could. It took at least ten minutes longer than normal to get to the offices due to the circuitous route we had to take. Once we finally arrived and rushed inside, I thought we were safe.

I hadn’t taken the other members into account though, and we were greeted with whistles and applause as we entered the conference room.

“Taehyungie-hyung, your new girlfriend is here!,” Jungkook shouted, despite the face that Tae was just two seats away from him. Taehyung lunged to slap their maknae upside the head, and Jungkook rolled away from him in his chair, rubbing the spot he’d been hit.

“How bad is it?,” I asked the room. “We haven’t looked yet.” Jin whistled, the note falling at the end, and I knew it had to be pretty bad.

“Our managers will be back in a minute,” Taehyung said, and stood to approach us with a tablet in his hand, offering it to us. Namjoon grabbed it from him, frantically scrolling up to see the picture that was the subject of the string of comments on the screen. He hissed when it finally came into view and angled the tablet so I could see.

It was a worst case scenario. The picture was cropped so you couldn’t see that Tae’s pants were technically still on (though who knows why that fact was so important to me), the way the shot was angled made it look like my arm was wrapping around his far side, and worst of all, our faces were only inches apart. I groaned and sank to the floor in a squat, wrapping my arms around my knees.

“Babe, babe, it’s gonna be okay,” Namjoon crouched down next to me, patting me on the back. Tae sank down on my other side, rubbing my arm to comfort me.

“ARMYs are going to hate me, Joon!” I cried into my arms. “I’m going to be a villain in their eyes, like from a drama!” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I managed to keep them from falling. “Tae-ah, you’re going to catch so much hate, too!”

Before he could answer there as a noise at the door as the managers returned, all looking very serious. The three of us stood up, and I ran my hands over my cheeks to make sure they were dry. Namjoon put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him.

“We’ve made a statement on Namjoon’s behalf, that the picture was a private moment that was taken out of context, captured by an over enthusiastic fan who was in an unauthorized area,” Manager Sejin told us, with a sharp look at Taehyung. I had a feeling he’d be getting in trouble for bringing someone “backstage” without clearing it with management. Sejin continued, “It’s a start, but we will need to do more to stay clear of a major scandal.”

I was a little worried about what exactly “more” entailed.

***

Sejin’s “more” turned out to be a complete media blackout, at least on my part. I had to take all of my SNS accounts private, or deactivate them, and I wouldn’t be able to attend any events or even be seen in public with any of the band until this all blew over. The last part would be easy enough, with Namjoon needing to concentrate on finishing their new album and my own thesis due date looming, we weren’t going to be going out together a lot anyway.

Big Hit and the group would also be making an effort to emphasize that everything was fine on their end, lots of content with Namjoon and Taehyung together on their SNS to show there was no tension between them and reassure the fans.

“I hate this,” Namjoon said, his arms wrapped around me as we sat on the couch in his studio. We’d retreated there after the meeting with the managers, to get the last bit of time together we would have for a while.

I nodded. “Me too,” I agreed. “But, we’ll make it through this, right? Its not like we were going to see each other a lot in the next few weeks anyway, with our own obligations we’ll be so busy.” I twisted in his arms to be able to see his face. “We’ll text and call and FaceTime.”

Namjoon smiled. “You gonna tune in to my vlive when I get bored in the middle of the night and can’t just come over to bug you?” he teased. I blushed.

“I always do,” I reminded him. I stretched to kiss his cheek softly. “I’m gonna miss your face.” He pulled me up so that my face was even with his.

“I’m gonna miss your everything,” he said, and returned the kiss, on my lips. “Gonna have to figure out a way to sneak out, like when we were first dating. Or maybe we should sneak you in.”

I smiled against his mouth. “Mmm, every girl’s dream, being snuck in like a dirty secret to fuck in your shared room,” I joked.

Namjoon chuckled and kissed me again. “I’m sure Taehyung won’t mind, since he’s the one who got us in this mess.”

I smacked him playfully. “Don’t blame Tae!” I admonished him. “It’s my fault, too, I was the one who stole his belt. I shouldn’t have been teasing him like we do at the dorm.”

“You didn’t bring some outsider into our space,” he argued. “And Tae will be forgiven much faster than you will be.” His tone was light, but there was a bit of annoyance or even anger behind it.

“Don’t, Joon-ah.” I spoke softly, still curled up against him. “He’s your dongsaeng, don’t go there.” I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his neck. “Let’s not talk about that, it’s the last time we’ll be together for a while. I’m gonna miss this, being with you like this.” His head fell back, giving me room to trail kisses down toward his collarbone, exposed by the tank top he was wearing. I couldn’t help but lick along the ridge of bone, dipping my tongue into the hollow by his throat.

Namjoon groaned and pulled his arms from between us so he could lift me by the hips, turning me and settling me back down so that I was straddling his legs. I rolled my hips against him and celebrated the moan the move drew from him with a nibble on his earlobe. His large hands slid up over my waist and started pushing my shirt up, pulling it over my head. He threw it to the floor, his hands back on me as he claimed my mouth.

Our kisses grew heated, no longer about enjoying the last moments we had together and instead building toward something more. My hands were fisted in Namjoon’s hair, holding his head at the perfect angle for me to dominate our kiss. One of his hands had slid under the waistband of my pants, gripping the skin at my hip, and the other was fumbling with my bra strap when the door opened behind me.

I shrieked and looked frantically for my shirt, but Namjoon had thrown it to the other side of the narrow room. Instead I curled my body in toward my boyfriend, only showing my bare back to our unexpected visitor. Namjoon leaned to one side, keeping an arm around me so I didn’t fall off, and grabbed a zippered hoodie from the back of his chair, wrapping it around me.

“What the hell, Tae?” Namjoon bit out.

Taehyung stood by the door with his hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he was apologizing. “I just came to tell you that security is ready to take noona back to her place.”

I sighed and dropped my forehead to Namjoon;s chest, and he squeezed me close for a moment. “Of course it had to be Taehyung, didn’t it?” he murmured, close enough so that only I could hear. I barked a laugh, earning a look from Taehyung that I didn’t acknowledge.

I stood up, zipping up Namjoon’s hoodie so that I could reach up my back to refasten my bra where he had managed to undo one hook. Joon stood up behind me, grabbing my arms and holding them, making me arch forward awkwardly. “Hey!,” I objected, but he just leaned down and kissed the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, sucking long enough that I knew I’d see a mark there in the morning. I let it happen, forgetting myself in the moment and relaxing back in to him.

Namjoon finally pulled back, and I could hear the smile in his voice as he declared, “There. Mine.” His oddly possessive comment made me turn to look at him, but instead of looking down at me, his head was turned toward Taehyung.

I pulled away from him and grabbed my abandoned shirt off the floor, balling it up and shoving it into one of the oversized pockets of the hoodie. “I’m keeping this, by the way,” I told Namjoon, grabbing my purse as well.

He whined, “But it’s my favourite! I’ll get cold.”

I returned to him and reached up to pat him on the head. “It smells like you, so I like it. You have plenty of other sweaters.”

He hugged me again, and gave me a fond little kiss on the forehead. “You’re lucky I love you,” he warned me.

I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

***

That night we chatted on the phone. We didn’t usually need to talk again when we’d seen each other throughout the day, we weren’t that kind of couple. The events of the day, though, had left us both feeling a little more needy than normal.

“So, how was your day?” Namjoon asked, his usual conversation opener. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop open in front of me, going through my SNS accounts. I couldn’t resist posting one last picture to my twitter feed before making it private, knowing ARMYs would take a screenshot before it disappeared. It was a shot I’d taken a couple a weeks earlier, we were laying in bed after we’d woken up, and he was holding my hand up to his mouth to kiss it. His expressive eyes stared at me through the screen and I felt like I could still feel the love that had overwhelmed me at that moment. I’d captioned it simply, ‘Steadfast’, needing to make my loyalties known when the world was going to make a lot of assumptions about things they didn’t know. Namjoon and I were in it for the long haul, we would remain steady through this storm.

“What, before or after I was told I wasn’t allowed to see my boyfriend or some of my best friends for weeks?” I replied, though I immediately regretted how passive agressive my words sounded. “Any day I get to see you is better than one I don’t, though,” I added to help soften them.

“I know, the whole situation is fucked up,” he agreed. “But I have total faith in us, we can get through this.” We lapsed into silence, neither of us wanting to burden the other with complaints about a situation we were both stuck in.

“Oh,” I remembered something I wanted to ask. “What was with your little possessive act in the studio today, with Tae? I felt like you were marking your territory or something.”

“Ah,” he said, suddenly sounding shy. “I was just realizing that people might assume we’d broken up or something. Got a little over enthusiastic.”

He hadn’t really answered my question about Taehyung, but I let it go. “I’m not a possession, Joon-ah. Even if someone were to think I’m single, I am perfectly capable of telling them I’m not.”

Namjoon sighed. “I’m sorry, babe. This whole thing is messing with me.” I stayed silent for a beat, waiting for him to add something more. “And I won’t do it again.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “I’m not looking forward to wearing turtlenecks for the next week.” Again we fell silent, unsure that there was anything more to say.

“I love you.” Namjoon’s sudden declaration wasn’t rare, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

“I love you, too.”

Silence fell between us. It was a comfortable one, though, borne of having shared everything we needed to and merely enjoying each other’s presence, even on the phone.

“We should probably get to bed, though,” I finally said.

“Uh huh,” he mumbled noncommittally, which meant that instead of going to bed, he was going to stay in his studio for a few more hours at least. Usually I would nag at him about getting enough sleep, but I figured he might need the cathartic release that music brought him.

5 days P.I.

“Joon-ah, what does 《bros be-pore hoes》mean?” I asked, knowing I was likely mispronouncing the English phrase. My English was pretty good when it came to academic subjects, but idioms still escaped me.

“What now?” Namjoon asked. We were on the phone again, our nightly ritual of the last several days, to compliment the steady conversation in texts we exchanged throughout the day. Last night he’d initiated a video call during our talk, apparently hearing my voice had made him really miss me in a certain way, and he wanted to show me the evidence. I’d never really been one for phone sex before, but it had at least taken the edge off. It was something I was going to have to get used to before their next extended world tour, at least.

I scrolled through the replies to the latest picture in the group’s feed, a candid shot of RM and V eating noodles. I had to separate them in my head, the men I knew and their stage personalities that they shared with the world, it was the only way to stop me from going off on the people in comments lusting after my man.

“There’s this hashtag people keep using, I know I’m mispronouncing it,” I clarified. “What does it mean?”

“ 《Bros be-pore-》-” he stopped midway, then said it again with what I could only assume was the correct English pronunciation. “Oh, 《bros before hoes》. It’s a rhyme in English. It’s about choosing your brother over-,” he coughed. “About choosing your brother over a woman.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. “So they think you’ve forgiven Taehyung and chosen him over me.”

“Babe…” I could hear his bed shifting, he was moving around in his helpless frustration. “It was a long shot that they’d believe our statement, you know that. This is the best case scenario right now: they aren’t losing faith in Bangtan and fearing we’re going to break up. We just have to wait until this blows over, or some other scandal takes its place.”

I knew he was right, but it still hurt to hear him say that the best case scenario was having his fans call me an adulteress. I tried to keep quiet, but a hiccuping sob escaped me, making Namjoon curse.

“Babe, I don’t want you to be alone right now. I’m gonna find a disguise or something and come over,” he muttered.

“No, please, I’m fine,” I tried to convince him. “I’ll be okay.” My voice was as shaky as my insides felt.

“I’ll be there in like 20 minutes, tops,” was the last thing he said before hanging up.

6 days P.I.

I’d fallen asleep in Namjoon’s arms after crying my heart out the night before, and barely remembered him tucking me in to bed before sneaking back to the dorm. I’d awoken feeling better, more secure in our relationship and more confident than ever that we were going to be able to see this through to the other side.

Then I checked my phone. It turns out that my boyfriend was super smart, but be could also be a gigantic idiot.

“Joon, how could you?” I hissed into my phone. I was alone in my office at the university, no one to hear me, but I knew he was surrounded by people on his end and didn’t want them to head me screaming at him.

“I didn’t even think! I grabbed a hat and coat that weren’t mine that would fit!” he explained.

“Yeah, but you grabbed Taehyung’s coat, Namjoon. His Gucci coat! And you’re of a similar enough build that it’s easy enough to mistake you in the dark!” I wasn’t even sure when or where the photographers had caught him, only that the news sites were splashed with the image of a tall man with a very distinctive coat at my apartment complex in the middle of the night.

“You didn’t notice either,” Namjoon pointed out.

I ground my teeth. “I was emotionally distressed,” I bit out. “And now people think that Tae snuck over here to see me last night, and that you’re a fool to have forgiven him.

“I’ll fix it,” he promised, hanging up without even a ‘goodbye’. Or an ‘I love you’.

8 days P.I.

“Buying all the members copies of Tae’s coat wasn’t exactly how I imagined you’d fix things, Joon,” I said a couple of days later.

“Now they can’t say for certain who it was,” Namjoon said with pride in his voice.

“Yeah,” I signed. “Now I could be fucking any member of BTS.”

Namjoon scoffed at the idea. “Not any of them, I’m several centimeters taller than most of them.”

“You’re taller than Tae, and they still confused you,” I pointed out.

“I’m sorry.”

11 days P.I.

“Do you think Yoongi would start dating that girl for us?” I asked.

Namjoon mumbled, “Sorry, what?” He was distracted again. He was distracted a lot during our nightly phone calls these days. Working on the album, writing songs, and collaborating with both his members and other producers kept him busy.

“That idol singer he made a song for. If he started dating her, it would at least be something else for people to focus on,” I explained.

He sighed. “I don’t think he’d do it, but you can ask.”

16 days P.I.

It’s the first day we don’t talk.

I told myself we were both busy, I’d forgotten until it was too late to call. But so did he.

It hurt more than I wanted to admit.

20 days P.I.

The managers had decided it was safe enough for me to come visit Namjoon at the dorms. He hadn’t mentioned anything about it when we’d talked, but he texted me that morning to come over in the afternoon and to be cautious.

As the day went on, the data I was supposed to be analyzing was going blurry in front of my eyes. I couldn’t concentrate any longer.

I was leaving straight from the university to minimize the chances of someone seeing or following me, though the crowd camping outside my building had pretty much dispersed. After weeks of no nighttime visitors and my going nowhere except to the school and to run exceedingly boring errands, they’d mostly given up. Still, I had the taxi drop me off several blocks from the dorm, and donned a hat, sunglasses, and a mask before I got out.

Security was waiting for me at the private entrance and I slipped inside, letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I made my way to the boy’s dorm and hesitated before I barged in like I used to. It felt weird being there, probably because things had begun to feel increasingly weird between Namjoon and I.

Seokjin looked surprised when he opened the door after I rang the bell, whether it was due to my bothering to ring or that he was surprised to see me at all, I wasn’t sure. Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were all relaxing in the common area, Jimin on his phone while Tae watched Jungkook play Overwatch on his laptop, but they looked up in sync when I came padding around the corner. Jimin and Jungkook both jumped up to give me a hug, and Tae waved from the couch. I could see the hesitation on his face, and it broke my heart a little that he decided not to come hug me like he usually did, but I understood why.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” Jungkook said. “Rapmonnie has been an asshole!” I laughed.

“So, I’m here for your benefit, not Namjoon’s?” I joked.

“Yes!” Jimin insisted. The boys sat back down, and I leaned on the arm of the couch, not intending to stay and chat for long. “He’s been super grouchy. That’s why Yoongi-hyung asked if you could come visit.”

The happy feeling I’d felt building inside me, that Namjoon had wanted to see me, had asked the managers if there was any way I could come visit, suddenly left in a rush. “Oh,” I said simply. Unsure what to do now, since Namjoon obviously wasn’t eagerly awaiting my visit as I’d assumed, I slid off the arm and into the couch, pulling my purse into my lap. My coat was still on, since I’d planned on heading to the studio to hang out with Namjoon after dropping off my stuff but now...

“Aren’t you going to go see him?” Taehyung asked softly.

I shrugged. “He knows I’m here.” At least, he knew I was planning on coming to visit after our texts this morning. “He told me to come to the dorm. I’m sure he’ll come back when he wants a break.”

Taehyung shrugged and turned back to Jungkook’s screen. I settled in, shrugging off my warm jacket and laying my legs along the couch, not quite reaching Tae at the other end. I watched Jungkook play for a little while, but my mind wasn’t on the game. Part of me kind of wanted to leave, to see if Namjoon would even notice that I hadn’t come over, but I dismissed that as too petty. Not that I wasn’t already being petty by not going to the studio, but I knew he would come back to the dorm at some point.

I felt useless, just starting off into space, so I pulled out my phone and started re-reading through some of the data analysis for my thesis project. I had to switch apps back and forth in order to make some notes, which was getting annoying, so I asked Taehyung if I could borrow the tablet sitting beside him to email myself some points to include in my own analysis.

“What are you doing?” Jimin asked, looking up from his phone.

I scoffed. “Boring math stuff,” I replied, my eyes darting from one screen to the other as I typed a short sentence about a possible bias in the data.

Jungkook took an interest and exited the lobby he was in, getting up and crouching behind me so he could see my screen. “What’s with all the dots?” he asked.

I laughed mirthlessly. “I’ve graphed all the data points from my research. In an ideal world, they are all supposed to fall between here-” I pointed to a spot on the graph, “-and here, in an even spread.”

“But a bunch are all together there at the end,” he commented.

“Yep,” I confirmed. “Which means either my data is incomplete, or there is a bias that we haven’t accounted for.” I let my head fall back so I could look at Jungkook upside down. “Which means I need to find it or find more data to include in the analysis.”

“Aish,” he muttered, bracing his arm on the couch beside my head and leaning his chin on it. “It’s all just dots on the screen to me. You’re so smart, noona.”

Footsteps sounded behind us and we both twisted to see who had come in, since we hadn’t heard the door.

It was Namjoon. Of course the first time I see him in weeks, I’m sprawled out on the couch having an intimate looking conversation with his friend while another had grabbed my feet out of habit and was giving me a massage, a fact I hadn’t even noticed in my concentration.

“Hyung, look who came to visit!” Jungkook said, bouncing to his feet.

“Hey,” Namjoon greeted us all collectively. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his oversized knit cardigan, horn rimmed glasses framing his eyes, and a black ball cap pulled down over his blonde hair. After so many weeks not seeing him, he looked like a wet dream.

“I came back to see if anybody wanted to go grab some food with me,” he continued. Silence hung in the room. I tried to tell myself that he’d just forgotten that I couldn’t go out with them, but their silence proved that everyone else had managed to remember.

Seokjin cleared his throat and stepped up next to Namjoon. “How about the four of us go grab something and bring it back here,” he suggested. “Give you two a moment to yourselves?” I met Jin’s eyes, thanking him silently.

I’d never seen the lot of them scramble so quickly to get out the door.

I had stood up while they were all running around, sticking next to the couch, my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. Once the room cleared and we heard the front door close, I looked up at Namjoon and approached him slowly.

“Hey stranger,” I said, and went to wrap my arms around his waist, but he stepped back. I frowned in confusion. “Joon-ah, what’s wrong?”

He reached down and grabbed something from the floor next to my purse, the hoodie I’d stolen and brought back to return in his hand. “Is this it? Because if you’re here to break up with me, I don’t want to draw this out.”

“What?” My confusion only grew, now that he was speaking nonsense.

“You’re returning my shit, you didn’t come down to the studio or even tell me you were here, you’re- you’re fucking flirting with Jungkook!” he rambled, his voice getting heated. “Just do it, already!”

I couldn’t help the edge in my voice, an automatic response to the aggression in his. “I can’t believe you,” I growled. “I’m here, I snuck over here just to see you, because I thought you wanted me, that you needed to see me. I brought your favourite hoodie because it doesn’t smell much like you anymore because I’ve been wearing it for weeks and I wanted to trade you for another one. But I get here and find out that it wasn’t even you who wanted me here, it was fucking Yoongi who asked, because you’re being as asshole to all of them.” I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing at him. “And I’m not flirting with Kookie! He asked me what my thesis is about! And as far as I know, you are the only man in existence who finds my discussing statistical analysis sexy.”

I watched his face soften as I spoke. “Babe, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’ve just been so busy-”

“I’ve been busy too, Namjoon,” I pointed out, my righteous anger not yet slaked. Now it was my turn to step back and avoid his embrace. “And I didn’t pull away like you did. Don’t try and pretend this is just about today.” Frustrated tears fell down my face, and I was helpless to stop them; pretty much any strong emotion made me cry. “This doesn’t exactly bode well for the future of our relationship, does it? Because after you’re done this album, then it’s weeks of promotions, and then your world tour. And it’ll be even harder if I take the job in Busan!”

I hadn’t meant to tell him like this. The offer from a university near my hometown I’d received a couple days previous had been weighing on me and I’d been looking for a chance to tell him about it.

Namjoon froze, his face contorting again. “Busan? You’re moving back to Busan?”

I let my arms curl around my abdomen, feeling very small and sick to my stomach. “My thesis advisor sent part of my draft to a colleague at the university there, and he offered me a job,” I explained. “I haven’t decided anything, and it wouldn’t be until after graduation, but…”

Namjoon scoffed. “Well, good luck with that. You think Tae- or-or- Jungkook would be any better than I am at long distance?” His stutter when he got angry was something I’d never seen directed at me before. “Good luck with that,” he repeated.

“Why the fuck do you keep thinking that I’d leave you and start dating one of them?” my voice had finally risen enough to be called a shout. “They are my friends. How many times do you need to hear it? I’m not interested in dating any of the other members!”

“Because I know you’re attracted to them!” Namjoon shouted back. “You told me, back before we started dating, before I confessed, that you thought every one of us was attractive.”

“But I’m not in love with them, you idiot, I’m in love with you! You’re impossible sometimes, you know that?” I threw my hands up, grabbing my purse and sweater off the couch. “Talk about a double standard. You work with some of the most attractive women in the world, I have to sit there and watch you actively flirt with them on camera, and you smile and give them that look-” I gripped the strap of my bag and shook it in his face. “But I trust you to know the difference between casual attraction and wanting to pursue a relationship, and to come home to me.” A sob wracked my body, the tears coming all at once and my throat constricting painfully. “I trust you. But if you can’t trust me the same way, then there’s no point to this, I guess it’s over.”

I tried to move around him, heading for the door, but he stopped me by wrapping his arms around me. “Please, don’t go,” he begged softly. I felt his body shake with sobs to match mine, though he was better at keeping them quiet. “Don’t leave me like this, please. I can do better.”

“What more do you want from me, Namjoon?” I asked, not moving as tears fell down my face. I was afraid to move, to look at him, not knowing what I would see on his face.

He spun me around, sinking to his knees in front of me. “I see now how I’ve fucked up,” he admitted, his voice muffled by my shirt where he pressed his face into my soft abdomen. “I guess I just got too far into my own head, and I lashed out at you, and I just miss you so goddamn much it hurts.”

I let my things fall to the floor and wrapped my arms around his head. “I miss you, too. It’s been breaking my heart, feeling like you’re pulling away from me.” I felt him turn his face up toward me and looked down to meet his eyes. “This doesn’t work without that trust, Namjoon. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Please,” he choked out a sob, rubbing his face against me again. “Let me try again, I can make it up to you. I can do better, I swear. We can be better together, just don’t leave me.”

“Can we be better?” I asked, more to myself than to him. “We have no idea when things will get back to our normal, this could go on for months.” My heart was breaking even though I knew I had to say the words. “And even then, I’m still busy, you’re still busy, and you’re going to be travelling for extended periods. And who knows where I’ll end up working.” I swallowed, trying to keep my voice even. “Should we just- just cut our losses now?”

“No no no,” Namjoon chanted. “Don’t give up on us, on me. Please.” He stood up, and I let my arms fall back to my sides. I looked up into his face and saw the pain spilling out of his eyes.

I’d spent the last days wondering if he’d been distant because he didn’t love me anymore, that he’d stopped caring when I wasn’t constantly there to remind him. The tortured expression on his face made those worries seem ridiculous. His love for me, his enduring affection and care, was plain as day.

“I don’t want to,” I whispered. “I don’t want to give up, I mean.” I leaned into him and hugged him around the waist. “I love you too much to give up.”

He returned my embrace, one of his hands reaching up to cup my head, tangling in my hair. We stood there for several minutes, each lost in our own thoughts, but so grateful to simply be in each other’s arms.

I finally pulled back and sniffled, wiping the back of my hand across one cheek. Namjoon’s strong hands cupped my face, this thumbs wiping away the rest of the tears. Once that was done, he leaned down and gave me the sweetest kiss on my mouth, just a soft brush of his lips on mine.

We heard a door close down the hall and turned to see Yoongi walking in from his room. “Thank fuck,” he cursed, seeing us embracing. “I was afraid I’d be coming out to see you alone and crying after the shouting, but looks like you’ve made up. Are you going to stop biting my head off now?” Namjoon laughed softly at his hyung’s question.

“Thank you, Yooni-ssi,” I said, turning to him. “I hear you’re the reason I was allowed to visit.”

Yoongi shrugged. “He was unbearable, and you said you missed him,” he brushed off my thanks.

“You were talking to Yoongi-hyung?” Namjoon sounded surprised. Doubt crept into my mind, wondering if his newly revealed irrational jealousy was going to make for another fight.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I texted him a few days ago to ask if he’d start a scandal to take the spotlight off of us. And he asked how I was doing.”

Namjoon laughed. “I didn’t think you were actually going to ask him!” he admitted.

I bit my lower lip, knowing I needed to be upfront. If Namjoon was going to take issue with me contacting my friends just because they were guys, I needed to know as soon as possible. “A few of the other members texted me, too, asking how I was handling things. I thought they were just being sweet, but now I think they might have been worrying over you.” I met his eyes, looking for any clue as to how he’d react. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Namjoon pulled me close again, placing a kiss on my temple. “It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me about your friends texting you.”

Wanting to make myself clear, I added, “You don’t have a problem with us being friends, do you?”

Namjoon looked me in the face again. “Of course not. What did you think, I was going to ask you to cut them off? Imagine Jimin if you just suddenly stopped being friends with him. It would break his little heart.” He smiled at me. “I’m sorry my stupid jealous freakout has you doubting your own friendships. I just- I guess I’m not all that good at long distance after being able to be with you for so long. That’s on me, though, something I have to work on for myself. Because I do trust you, implicitly. I swear I do.” I felt like that wasn’t the whole story, not the root of the problem anyway, but it was enough for me, for now.

My boyfriend leaned down to kiss me again, this time a little harder, more like he usually did when he was just saying hi. I let my lips fall open as his tongue swept inside to meet my own. He moaned a little into my mouth, pressing his body closer until we heard someone clearing their throat.

“Ah hmm,” Yoongi coughed very deliberately from where he sat on one of the couches, staring at his phone. “Are you done? Cause the guys want to know if its safe to come in with the food, and I’m hungry.”

***

I leaned back in my chair, resting my hands on my over-full belly and sinking into the comforting feeling of Namjoon’s arm around my shoulders. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel like a relief to be back here, hanging out with all of them again. Namjoon especially, of course, but I missed the camaraderie of the whole group as well.

“Do you want to come back to the studio with me?” Namjoon asked as he pushed his chair back from the takeout container covered table and stood. “I can play you what I’ve got so far.” I nodded and moved to stand up as well, knowing that ‘listening to what he’s got’ was code for some time alone, which we both needed and knew we weren’t likely to get if we stayed at the dorm.

“Hyung, can we hear too?” Jimin asked, rushing to stand with us. Taehyung and Jungkook both jumped up as well, though the maknae was still bent in half, shovelling another bite of noodles into his mouth. “You’ve been such a bear, we’ve kind of been afraid to ask.”

Namjoon leaned into me and groaned, but I could see the dimple in his cheek, so he was smiling at their antics. It warmed my heart, that he was willing to indulge them even though he knew they were using me as a buffer. “Fine,” he sighed for dramatic effect, his smile gone when he straightened to look at them. “It’s still pretty rough, though.”

Even rough, the little snippets he played for us held a lot of promise. The three boys were obviously as into it as I was, asking Namjoon to play some parts over and over and throwing out ideas of their own. He’d been working with other writers and producers, as usual, but I felt like I was starting to recognize the spin he put on each piece of music.

“And Taehyung already laid down vocals for this one,” Namjoon reached around me and clicked to open a new file on his computer, the smooth notes filtering through the speakers. He pulled his arms back around my waist, holding me tight on his lap, a position so easy and familiar it was hard to believe we’d been fighting at all.

Taehyung’s voice filled the room, the deep soulful tone sliding around the melody, and I smiled. “Oh my goodness, Tae!” I gushed. “Your voice is absolutely- It’s like, toe-curling!”

Namjoon chuckled behind me. “Don’t you usually call his voice panty melting?” he asked, loud enough for the others to hear over the music, much to my shame.

I blushed. “I didn’t think that phrase was entirely appropriate, given the circumstances,” I muttered, and they all laughed quickly before quieting down to listen to the rest of the song. Taehyung’s haunting voice was lamenting a love he could not have, purely due to circumstances out of their control. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I leaned back to ask Namjoon, “You wrote this one, didn’t you?”

He nodded, and added, “Taehyung helped with the melody and some of the lyrics. Not sure this one is going on the album, but maybe we’ll release it on soundcloud or something.”

I snuggled further into his lap, pulling his arm around me until he squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe. The combination of the sweet lyrics and Tae’s voice were only making that time alone with Namjoon more urgent. “Do you think I could spend the night?” I asked softly. “Ask Taehyung to pile in with one of the others, just for tonight?”

I felt Namjoon smile, since I couldn’t see him. “I dunno, baby, I think Taehyung might not mind watching,” he said, louder than I had been, deliberately making it so the boys could hear.

Jimin started laughing so hard, he curled into a ball and rolled sideways on the couch, bumping into Taehyung beside him. Tae’s face coloured and he looked pointedly at the floor as Jungkook giggled and slapped his knee.

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, Joon-ah, don’t be such a pervert,” I admonished him. “Come on, isn’t it time you took me to bed?” I knew that would get a reaction, and it did, everyone laughing at my intentional hypocrisy.

“Aish, noona, I never thought you’d be so cold,” Jungkook said. When I shot him a confused look, he continued, “You get turned on by Taehyung, and then you kick him out of his own room to bang Namjoon-hyung.”

I laughed at his analysis. “Or, my lovely boyfriend wrote a song for me, which he got his friend to sing because he knows how much I love his friend’s voice,” I argued. “Really, it’s Joon-ah who is using Tae as foreplay.”

The guys laughed at that and Namjoon grumbled, telling everybody to get out, and we all made our way back to the dorm. No one said anything, but I saw Taehyung duck into Kookie’s room as everyone headed off to bed.

***

Despite how tiring our day had been, both physically and emotionally, neither Namjoon nor I wanted to fall asleep quite yet. We’d fucked as soon as the door to his room closed, all rough hands and hard mouths, then cuddled for a while and made love a second time. Namjoon had ducked out to get a washcloth to clean ourselves up with before we fell asleep, but he hadn’t waited long enough for the water to warm up, so I yelped when the cold cloth first made contact with my cum streaked thigh.

“Sorry, babe,” he said, moving quickly so as to minimize the amount of time I had to deal with it. I sucked in a breath when he swiped over my swollen labia, and he grinned. “A bit sensitive, hmm?”

“Just a bit,” I confirmed, and pushed his hand away when he moved to shock me again. He dropped the cloth to the floor, and I tried to see where it landed so I wouldn’t step on it in the morning, but he flopped on top of me before I could spot it. “You should really hang that up or something,” I pointed out.

“Mmm,” he hummed against my throat where he’d nestled his head. “Missed this.”

“What, squishing me to death?” I asked, slowly shoving him until he rolled onto the other side of me, but he pulled me with him so I was lying half on top of him. “You just missed sex,” I accused, trying to play it off like a joke, but I still worried that’s all he wanted me for.

Namjoon shook his head. “Nope, I’m sure it’s you,” he asserted. He kissed my neck softly, then pulled his head back, voice turning all serious. “Babe, can I tell you something? Promise not to get mad?”

My heart dropped, sure he was going to confess to something awful like cheating on me. We’d been apart for weeks, and I knew the sexual frustration would have been getting to him as much as it did to me, and he had no shortage of opportunities. I swallowed thickly, hoping my voice wouldn’t betray my inner turmoil. “Sure.”

“See…” he started, and my heart rate increased, terrified of what was to come. “For a long time, Taehyung and I have had this kind of friends-with-benefits arrangement-” My brain short circuited, not understanding what I was hearing. I was expecting something, something like an intern he made out with, but he’s suddenly confessing to some past relationship with Taehyung? His roommate and fellow band member, Taehyung, who everyone thought I was cheating on Namjoon with? I didn’t even know he was into guys, like at all. Namjoon was still talking though, so I tried to catch back up. “-So when he offered I kinda freaked out and he didn’t mean anything by it cause he thought it’d be cool, and I swear I didn’t fuck him.”

I turned on my side so I was facing him. “Okay, slow down. You and Tae have...a past?” He nodded. “A romantic one?” He twisted his mouth and brought his hand closer to our faces and tited it back in forth, meaning kind of. “Okay, not quite romantic, but sexual?” Another nod.

This time the feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn’t dread or fear, but something molten I felt to my core. Namjoon smirked when he saw the way my pupils reacted. I tried to push aside the flash of lust that had hit me at the thought of my boyfriend and his group member together in that way. “So, sorry, what happened with Tae?”

“Whenever we’re both between relationships and feeling horny we, you know, help each other out,” Namjoon explained unnecessarily.

I shook my head. “No no, I get that part. What happened the other day that Tae didn’t mean anything by cause he thought it was cool? I kinda lost the thread of what you were saying in the middle there,” I admitted, which made him smile even wider.

“Uh huh,” he leered at me as he said it. “So Taehyung saw that I was...shall we say I was struggling with being away from you for so long, and he thought I might need some relief of a sexual nature. And he offered by, uh, kinda waking me up with his mouth. Like, on my dick.”

I listened to him struggle to give me details, and the images his words brought to mind were some of the most erotic things I’d ever imagined. I glanced around at the bed we were lying on, imagining Joon splayed out across it like he usually was when he had the bed to himself, morning wood tenting the soft grey sweatpants he used as pyjamas. Taehyung, sliding out of the bed on the other side of the room and approaching Namjoon’s bed slowly, pulling down Joon’s pants to free his erection and sliding that wicked looking tongue of his from base to tip. I knew from experience that would be enough to wake Namjoon, but in my little fantasy Tae didn’t stop, crouched over my boyfriend and taking him deep into his throat a few times before Namjoon’s hand fell to the back of his head and Joon arched up into the younger man’s mouth…

“Well now, isn’t that interesting,” real life Namjoon said quietly. I snapped my head up to meet his eyes, falling into his all too perceptive gaze. “You like that, don’t you?” He slipped his firm thigh between my knees and pressed upwards. “Here I thought you’d be pissed, or need me to convince you that I didn’t take him up on his offer, which I didn’t, and that he knew now that it wasn’t something I’d be welcoming since you and I are together, which he does. Instead, I think you want me to tell you more.”

His thigh was high enough to press against my core, and I rocked against it. Namjoon hissed. “Baby, you’re soaking again. I can feel it on my leg. We just got cleaned up for bed, but you’re such a dirty girl, aren’t you?” he said into my ear, his voice low and gravelly, which wasn’t helping my level of arousal. I moaned and twisted my head to kiss him again just as a sliver of light fell across the opposite wall and the door creaked open. Namjoon grabbed a blanket and quickly pulled it over our entwined bodies.

Taehyung walked into the room slowly, glancing around in the dark to detect any possible movement, trying not to disturb us while he thought we were sleeping. After he stumbled over something on the floor, it was too dark to see what, Namjoon took pity on him. “It’s okay, Tae, we aren’t asleep yet.”

“Oh, sorry,” Tae whispered. “I can go back, I was just getting tired and it sounded like you guys had, uh, finished…”

“We were just falling asleep, Taehyung,” I reassured him. “Go to bed if you want.”

“Mmm, are you sure, babe?” Namjoon teased me. “We were just talking about what happened with Tae and I the other morning, and you were getting all hot and bothered.”

Taehyung coughed. “I’m sorry, what? You- you told her?” I wished there had been enough light to see the expression on his face, to see the shock that as so evident in his voice.

“Yeah, don’t worry, she’s kind of really into the idea,” Namjoon laughed until I struck his arm lightly. I didn’t want Tae to know I’d been fantasizing about him fucking my boyfriend and get all awkward with me.

“No, we are just going to go to sleep, you’re safe to stay,” I assured the younger man. Namjoon rocked forward, the thigh still between my own pressing against my centre, so I shoved him back. “And if you don’t stop that, my love, I’ll go find somewhere else to sleep, and you can sleep alone.”

25 days P.I.

“Come on, babe, please?” Namjoon begged. I sighed, knowing I shouldn’t give in but wishing I could.

Things between us had been better since I’d been to visit a few days earlier, back to the nightly phone call and endless string of texts. Now he was asking if he could come by my place for a quick visit, and being whiney about it.

“I have a deadline, Joon-ah,” I reminded him for what felt like the twelfth time in the five minutes we’d been on the phone. “I need to work through the edits from my advisor before I submit my final draft, and after that I need to start preparing for my defense.”

“I promised I won’t stay too long,” he argued. “I’ll even bring some of the guys with me so we have chaperones. We’ll bring dinner and we can all eat together. I know you probably haven’t been taking time to eat properly…” I looked at my messy kitchen, counters piled with bowls of half-eaten ramyeon eaten hastily in front of my computer, knowing he was right. Namjoon’s voice dropped as he added, “I don’t want to go so long without seeing you again. I don’t want us to end up doubting each other again.”

Of course he knew exactly how to pull at my heartstrings. “Fine,” I acquiesced, as he knew I would. “But only for a little bit.”

I really should have known better. Namjoon showed up with Taehyung (“the others were all busy”), dressed so stylishly in their ripped jeans and designer shirts that I wondered if they’d just come off a photo shoot, and filled my coffee table with the boxes of food they’d brought. Once we’d eaten, he’d insisted there’d be no harm in them staying to watch a movie while I continued to work. He just wanted to hold me, he claimed, so I settled in to his lap with my computer and ignored the movie on screen. I was so engrossed in my work that I didn’t even notice when the first movie ended and they started a second, but it was one of my favourites, so eventually I closed my work and settled back into Namjoon.

After a few moments of my leaning across him, Namjoon shifted so that he was sitting sideways on the couch, his legs on either side of me so he could pull me more firmly into his lap. I wiggled back against him and he let out a low groan, slipping his hand up under my shirt to splay across my stomach.

“Uh, Joon-ah, don’t be gross in front of Tae,” I chided him, but wiggled back again, wanting to punish him a little bit for staying longer than he’d promised.

Namjoon swatted at my thigh with his free hand. “Sit still, then!” he returned. “I wouldn’t have been gross if you weren’t being dirty.”

I gasped for dramatic effect and twisted to look him in the face. “How exactly am I being dirty? I’m just getting comfortable.”

Namjoon scoffed. “Yeah, you’re comfortably grinding on my dick.” The hand on my abdomen slid up high enough slip unter the wire of my bra and graze at the underside of my breast, causing me to wiggle yet again. “You’re killing me here, babe!”

I stopped, remembering we weren’t alone, and looked over at Taehyung to make sure he wasn’t about to run away in embarrassment. To my surprise, he met my gaze and smiled. “It’s okay,” he assured me. “Nothing I haven’t heard or seen before.” I blushed, but smiled my thanks and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, throwing it over Namjoon and I for a little more privacy if he decided to pull my shirt up again.

By the end of the second movie, Namjoon was snoring behind me and Tae could barely keep his eyes open. “Okay, guys, you’ve been here longer than you said you would, time to head home,” I said, loud enough to startle them both. Taehyung groaned, and Namjoon hugged me tighter, pulling me back into his lap.

“Babe, it’s too late,” he complained. “Can’t we just crash here?”

I muttered, “How did I not see this coming?” but still freed myself from Namjoon’s arms and went to the closet to grab an extra pillow and some blankets. “Here, Taehyung,” I said, dropping them on the couch. “The couch is comfy enough that I fall asleep on it all the time.” I helped Namjoon to stand and pulled him behind me to my bedroom.

We had settled down, ready to fall back asleep when we heard my couch scrape against the floor as if someone was moving it around. It finally stopped, but we listened to bare feet padding down the short hall to my closed door.

“Noona?” Taehyung asked through the door. He said something else, but it was muffled.

“What?” Namjoon asked. “Open the door, we can’t hear you.” Taehyung did as ordered, but stood in the doorway, not stepping into the room.

“Do you have an air mattress, or some more blankets or something? I’m too tall to fit on the couch,” he said.

I shook my head. “Sorry, I don’t really.” Tae nodded and reached for the door to close it again.

“Just-” Namjoon said with a sigh. “Come join us,” he offered. “We should have enough room.”

My eyes widened in shock, and I turned back to look at Joon’s face. Was he serious? I knew he was used to sharing a bed with Tae, but I certainly wasn’t. Did he really want to spend the night sandwiched between his past and current lovers? I may have found the idea of the two of them together that way...intriguing, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to lay next to them while they snuggled or something. I certainly wasn’t a fan of having the situation sprung on me like this.

I couldn’t exactly deny him after the offer had been made, though, so I scooted back toward the edge of the bed to make room for Taehyung on Namjoon’s other side. Joon grabbed me, though, and started pulling the both of us the other way. “You know I’d overheat if I was between the two of you,” he explained, and I felt the bed sink behind me as Tae climbed in. “You good?” Joon asked once we were all settled in.

“Yeah, sure,” I promised bravely. Tae and I had technically fallen asleep together before, but there was a big difference between falling asleep against each other on the couch at the dorm and sleeping in bed together on purpose.

“You know,” Namjoon began with a smirk. “If you get too hot, you can always take off your pyjamas. Neither of us will mind.”

“Hyung!” This time it was Taehyung scolding him. “This is awkward enough without you making it worse.”

I kicked my way out from underneath the blankets, sitting up to crawl out of the bed. “I’ll just go sleep on the couch, I’ve done it before,” I grumbled, trying not to let emotion creep into my voice. I’d nearly made it to the end of the bed before a strong arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. To my surprise, it was Taehyung who held me to him, not my boyfriend.

“Ignore hyung, he’s being an asshole,” Tae said, his mouth right next to my ear. I hoped he couldn’t feel the shiver that coursed through my body; I really wasn’t exaggerating the effect his voice had on me. “It’s just like passing out on the couch together, no big deal.” He had a point, our relationship had always been heavy on skinship and it had never bothered me before.

As if to further convince me, Taehyung started humming softly, some tuneless notes that turned into the melody of the song I’d heard at the studio, the one he and Namjoon had written for me. My body was still tingling from his voice, so I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing, hoping I’d drift off.

I must have looked convincing, because once the song was over, Tae started whispering at Namjoon. “What the fuck are you trying to pull, hyung?” His voice was harsh despite his attempts to keep quiet.

“Don’t act all innocent, I know you still like her,” Namjoon answered, his voice almost teasing and heavy with sleep. It seems Tae’s lullaby had worked on Joon as well. “Seen the way you watch her when she isn’t looking, use every excuse to touch her and hold her close. That picture, the scandal...I don’t know how she doesn’t see how bad you want her, it’s all over your face.”

“Hyung,” Tae whined. “So you just want to torture me? Force us closer to punish me for wanting her, or is this retaliation for interrupting you the other night?”

Namjoon chuckled. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then what, hyung?”

Namjoon was silent for a few moments, long enough that I was tempted to open my eyes to check if he’d fallen asleep mid conversation. Finally he spoke, but his words gave me no comfort. “Look at her, curled up with you in an instant, when I’m right in front of her. She was looking at you the same way, Taetae, in that picture. She wants you too, I’m pretty sure.”

I felt more than heard Tae’s sharply indrawn breath; he had pulled me right up against him and his arms tightened around me even further in his moment of shock. I had to will myself to remain relaxed, knowing that if I even stiffened they would realize I was awake, and I’d lose out on hearing the rest of this conversation they were having.

“I would never, hyung! Noona wouldn’t- She’s your girl, Joon-hyung,” Taehyung stumbled through the words, clearly at a loss for what to say to Namjoon’s revelation.

I wouldn’t have known what to say, either. My mind was racing, overwhelmed with new information and things to consider. Was he right? Did I really have a crush or something on Tae? He was probably my best friend, and I adored him to pieces, but I had been into Namjoon from the moment we met, head-over-heels in love for a couple of years now. Sure, Taehyung was attractive, but so were all the other members, and no one could fault me for enjoying the view. But I couldn’t deny that my relationship with Taehyung was different from the rest of the guys, we were closer and hung out together more, and were more cuddly, but I figured Tae was just like that with everybody. Unless that touchyness was a manifestation of some kind of feelings for me…

“She is, for now. Doesn’t have to stay that way,” Namjoon said softly, and my racing mind ground to a halt.

Next (Part 2)

[othersworldly]

       hello, hello, its the double pisces you litcherally never asked for. i went into the tags, found this serotonin gyllenhaal and then accidentally named him after the new, popular character he plays on turkish tv after googling male names for 1 hour straight. if that doesn’t just explain who i am as a person i don’t know what else will. i’m twenty-three and legally cannot do math or i will explode. thank you for dealing with me and sorry in advanced but i can’t and won’t be tamed.

ÇAĞLAR ERTUĞRUL, MALE, HE/HIM, HELLHOUND   /   deep in the pacific northwest lives KEREM HAZAR. i heard they’ve been living there for a year and last saw them hanging around mount peak cemetery, i think they might’ve been tending to the forgotten grave markers. at three hundred and eleven years old, rem doesn’t look a day over thirty. everyone around here always associates them with the phantom warmth of a flickering flame, the rich timbre of an old engine roaring to life, and the icy smell of spearmint. hope they enjoy their stay ! ( naomi, pst, she/her, 23 )

B A S I C   I N F O R M A T I O N

LEGAL NAME: Kerem ‘Rem’ Hazar DATE OF BIRTH: December 12th  / sagittarius  GENDER | SPECIES |  Male / Hellhound

LIKE[S]: Winning, the smell of leather, fruit punch DISLIKE[S]: Losing, Lack of effort, Intolerance, Cheating

FEAR[S]: no fears . *taxes* .. one fear. 

PERSONALITY TRAITS: + CONFIDENT, STRONG-WILLED, SELF-DISCIPLINED    – RECKLESS, OVERLY COMPETITIVE.

P H Y S I C A L   I N F O R M A T I O N

HAIR COLOR: Brown EYE COLOR: Blue HEIGHT: 6′2″ BUILD: Athletic, Fit,

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: he always looks well-rested. very sus

STYLE: grey henleys, grey jeans, worn docs, he’s a casual guy with casual style

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS: brand of the hunt on his left peck.

R E L A T I O N S H I P   I N F O R M A T I O N

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: bisexual RELATIONSHIP STAT: legally allowed to leave if no one addresses him directly within 5 minutes of entering a room

pinboard //

more on rem

fire-fighter and certified emt

earth-toned babe who wears mostly greys and browns.

he wears glasses without a prescription because he thinks it makes him more approachable but he often just leaves them around and makes more work for himself by having to go out and hunt for them

lives in a one bedroom apt on the 8th floor of a moderately priced building that has a fire escape - which he uses more often the actual entrance 

pet german shepphard named beef stew,

yes beef is a rescue and yes, sometimes rem can be found shouting beef around the block if the four year old pup gets out while he’s gone.

very easy going - he has few personal rules and a few things he stands his ground on but for the most part he’s agreeable and will go anywhere he’s invited.

loves carbonara 

runs hot and likes winter but hates it at the same time because he has to carry a jacket around for looks. but on the bright side he always has a jacket for anyone who gets chilly

throughout the years he’s become really good at making bread. he proofs them in mason jars and holds them in his hands to cook them to buttery, flaky perfection

+ insert obsessive hobby here +

hellhound

other hellhounds know them as CEMRE a name they first picked up from a turkish mountain woman. she had muttered it softly at first, watching in awe and horror as they emerged unscathed from the flames that both announced their arrival on earth and wiped out an entire villiage in the frigid remnants of winter that is now known as february. 

walks the line of true neutral and chaotic neutral

when actively hunting they are known to do whatever it takes. but when dormant, they are nonplused with the whims of the factions - as long as the supernatural world is properly hidden from the mass populace.

has a preference for ghosts over banshees, but likes both well enough.

thinks witches are good fun because the only one who could demand things of him died a hundred years ago

has no generalized notion about other hellhounds.

understands werewolves in a primal sense but finds them dramatic

not too keen on vampires because the dead should remain dead

actively hunting dragons

connection ideas

bed brewing & beyond - a witch or demon hook up that he can call on for big asks. or he could go out and fetch things for them for $$$ of course. like uber eats but its a nymph skull and he’s covered in blood and its the 90s

casually dating - needless to say, he’s thirty and not even married. so he’s basically on the verge of death or something right? lol . so they casually date and appear at functions together, but its nothing over the top. he has the worst hours but tries to make time for them -- is what im imagining. but we can definitely tweak this to fit ur muse.

TRINITY chasing divinity - i’ve been in love with the idea of angels, of these celestial beings and what it must be like to choke on humanity. so why not just force that on my muse lol. i’d love fo him to just be infatuated ( so no pressure of requited feelings or nothing ) with a creature that exudes purity when he himself was created by the combined power of a demon and a dark witch

dd - besides being, ya know, literal fire, his metabolism burns through everything like it’s nothing. so you can 100% invite him for a night out and he will be your designated driver -- unless he has work of course. then you can call him, wasted af, and he will use his 15 minute break to come get you and tuck you in to bed.

everlasting mario kart - i know mk didn’t exist in the 90s or whatever, but basically they’re both immortals so they can and should fuck each other up ( in a siblings type way ) but the stakes are higher because they can survive most blow backs.

good omens - except we’re not on either side, we don’t care about the kid, and you’ve burnt the popcorn. good going paul

DRU AGOSTI lighthouses in the night -- i’ve been alive for a long time, you’ve been alive a long time. STOP MENTIONING THE TIME I WAS AN ICELANDIC SHEEP FARMER I WAS UNDERCOVER Jfc, yes of course i still know the best way to make sheep milk fuck you. wishing you a crap equinox you smug bitch

same face who dis - obvi has to be someone who can die but. he swears he’s seen you before. its just wild that you look so familiar. you remember me right? and he keeps on call ing your muse the wrong name and unlearning the things that he had previously learned. super flexi back story. heck i’ll even take two if people like it. could be exes, enemies, they fought in a war together and were brothers, they sailed across the ocean and it was very gay and also someone had scruvy? so many options! too many to list!

supermassive blackhole -- please invite him to the vampire baseball games. he can keep up i promise!!

or let’s brainstorm?! im bi and a pisces so i will just be happy for the attention honestly.

that’s it. that’s all i could think of during dbd. i will add more as i think of them/as we plot some out. i’m going to shower and eat an ice cream sandwich . peace out my dudes catcha ya on the other side

[ltadoriyuujl]

My BNHA OC

Based on @cho-rates form

(Art by my lovely friend Ari, as I can’t draw to save my life)

Name: Aria Rehn

Hero name: Nami

Age: 16

Birthday: May 20th

Gender: Female

Orientation: Bisexual

Height: 5’11”

Weight: 130 lbs

Hair: Dark brown Afro that’s either tied up or in braids.

Appearance: Has dark skin with deep brown eyes. Her eyesight is horrible so she wears tinted contacts that make her eyes purple. Her casual clothes are a T-shirt and clean sweatpants.

Body: Well-proportioned build with broad shoulders, like a swimmer’s. Long legs and sharp features.

Quirk: Water manipulation. (Think waterbending)

As long as there’s H2O in an object, she can control it to some extent. (She can’t control blood though). She can even pull moisture out of the air if it’s humid enough.

Her quirk is affected by:

The amount of water in the object she’s controlling

How far away the object is

The environment she’s in

For example, her perfect conditions are a cool, rainy night by a lake or other body of water.

Weaknesses:

Dehydrates quicker than most, especially if she uses her quirk a lot.

Her quirk is weaker the less hydrated she is. At max hydration, she could easily control a small lake, but if she’s close to her limit a puddle seems like a daunting task.

Costume: See picture. (She always has at least one canteen or flask full of water on her in the event that her surroundings are devoid of water.)

Personality: She tends to be very optimistic, to the point where she could be perceived as naïve. Her intelligence is nothing to scoff at but 90% of the time only one brain cell is in use. She has a strong moral compass and isn’t easily swayed. She likes to think she’s rational but in reality, is very impulsive and emotional. She’s extremely loyal and absolutely won’t hesitate to stand up for others and what she believes in. This said she can also be very confrontational. If she’s truly desperate she goes from lawful neutral to chaotic good real fast.

Do they work well with others: She’s pretty independent but won’t object to working in a group. Her willingness really depends on who she’s working with.

Family: Mikita Rehn (Mother), Saito Rehn (Older Brother)

Family extras: She comes from a family of elementals. Her mom has a fire quirk, her brother has an earth quirk, and her father had an air quirk.

Her father adopted her mother’s last name when they were married.

Her brother works in construction.

Friends: Her friend group consists of the Dekusquad mostly, but she also gets along well with Kirishima and Denki is her partner in memes.

Enemies: She considers the League of Villains her sworn enemies but otherwise none to speak of. 

Romantic interests: Shoto Todoroki. At first, it was more of a social experiment to see if she could worm her way through his aloof exterior, but then they became genuine friends and she found that she’d caught a full-body case of feelings.

What do they think about heroes?: She’s idolized heroes her entire life and being a pro has been her dream since she was little. She believes that they’re genuinely doing the best form of public service possible. Her naivety shines through a bit here because she often refuses to acknowledge when a hero has done something wrong.

What do they think about villains?: Her views are a little less black and white here. For the most part, she detests them but her judgment differs from villain to villain. She despises the LOV though.

Is their first reaction to danger: flight or fight?: Her above-mentioned impulsiveness makes it difficult for her not to jump into a fight.

If they had to be stuck on an island with one BNHA character, who would it be and why?: Probably Todoroki. He’d most likely be really calm in that situation and they could quickly brainstorm a solution together. And if all else fails they could attempt to freeze the water and make a bridge back to the mainland.

Favorite holiday and why: She adores Christmas, especially if there’s snow. She likes having all her family in one place and her mom makes the best apple pie.

Do they have a certain way of dressing/style?: She is absolutely clueless when it comes to fashion and wouldn’t know a trend if it smacked her upside the head. Throws on whatever’s comfortable.

Pet peeves: She cannot stand lip-smacking while you eat. Leaving gum under desks and littering irk her too.

Favorite food: Mac and Cheese. Her dad always made it for her, so it holds a fond place in her heart.

Favorite drink: Any fruit smoothie is good in her book.

Favorite season/weather: She loves fall. She may be a cool toned person, but she really likes the warm colors that come with the season. She loves overcast days because it’s usually not too hot which means less dehydration for her.

What’s their sleep schedule like?: Lmaooo, what’s a sleep schedule? Sometimes she goes to bed at 8:30 pm sharp, sometimes she’s still up at 2 am. Depends on a lot of things.

 Introvert, Extrovert or Ambivert?: She’s an ambivert that won’t object to a fun outing but will curl up with a book and be dead to the world for hours after.

Quickest way to upset them?: Genuinely insult anyone close to her and she’ll be on you in 0.5 seconds.

What type of student are they?: Straight A. Got an 89 once and cried. Willing to share their notes and tutor but does not tolerate cheating.

Superlative that fits them best: Teacher’s Pet fits really well

A song you associate with them: My Blood by Twenty One Pilots

What’s their diet like?: Actually eats relatively healthy!

Last thing they ate: Vegetable stir fry

Hobbies: She considers herself an amateur author and her (many) notebooks are filled with story ideas and poems (half of them are about Todoroki but don’t tell him that). She also really likes to swim!

Guilty Pleasures: Chocolate cake and curry. The curry is more of a loss than a win because of the insane levels of chugging she has to do afterward, but she loves it all the same.

When and what was the last thing that made them cry: Her favorite character got killed off in a book she was really invested in.

General extras: 

She’s an American transfer student.

Her favorite color is red.

Her brother calls her “Blizzaria” because once she got mad at him and iced the floor of his room.

Curses like a sailor for even the smallest annoyances

Has won 3 separate spelling bees.

Always has at least 3 hair ties on her in case the one she’s using gives out or someone needs one.

Has 4 piercings, 2 on each ear, but only ever wears one set of earrings at a time. 

Do you plan on filling out a roleplay form: No

Creator name: Daisy

Blog name: @chiefqueenenthusiast

Did I have fun?: This was really fun to fill out!

[ofelodies]

( lana condor, cis female, she/her ) it’s everyone’s fav, ELODIE NGUYEN! they are TWENTY and major in RELIGION, and the group knows they’re EMPATHETIC and ASTUTE, but also RELUCTANT and STRAIT-LACED. they’ve got a big personality for the mix, so watch out in the close quarters this summer! 

what’s up gang ? i’m meredith, i’m 18 use they / them pronouns and reside in the bEST timezone. ha, im a real comedian. i wanna say what’s up and remind you that i love you and all your characters already, elodie wants to remind you that the lord jesus saves. if anyone wants to plot after reading this ( or before, i can give you a tl;dr, you can find me at meredith#3445 or here in the ims )

BASIC INFO: 

name: elodie joy nguyen age: twenty date of birth: come for me later lads, i don’t feel like calculating it but she’s a virgo sun and a pisces moon.  sexuality: bisexual, but she’ll tell you she’s a heterosexual. she was a member of the chastity club in high school. major: religion hometown: itsy bitsy tiny might as well be nameless town in texas.  negative traits: worrisome, strict/a stick in the mud, shy, stubborn

HISTORY ( literally just my app ):

you know how it says in the app that she’s got a big personality? that’s a lie actually. she’s as quiet as a church mouse. which is fitting, considering she spends a lot of time at church. her parents only let her attend a non-religious school on the basis that a) it was close to home and b) that her studies somehow focused on religion. she, the ever dutiful daughter, followed through on her parents commands.

however … things aren’t all cupcakes and sunshine and kumbaya for miss nguyen. don’t let her presence in the church choir and her ever present cross necklace fool you, she’s been struggling with her ties to her faith — especially when, her first and only time getting drunk at a party, she ended up making out with a girl and liking it. now, with the taste of rebellion fresh on her lips, she managed to convince her parents she was headed out on a missions trip instead of a road trip. it’s the first time she’s ever told anything but a white lie, and least of all to her parents.

ADDITIONAL FACTS: 

she wants nothing more than to be a veterinarian. she has a soft spot for animals, and is basically a genius when it comes to biology … but her parents aren’t big on the whole ‘science’ thing, let alone the whole ‘women in stem’ thing, so she’s resigned to let her dream die

she’s not as big of a priss as everyone seems to think she is … i kinda envisioned she’s not that popular, and is only on the trip because of a connection to one person. a boyfriend, a classmate who felt bad for her, a best friend, whoever. BUT, the point is she’s shy and she’s very stuck in her ways, which … can make her seem a little full of herself. but if she can finally learn to kick back and have fun, she’s more than her awkward shell would leave you to believe.

elodie was EXTREMELY popular in her teeny-tiny small town high school, where she was head cheerleader, prom queen, and the leader of her local bible study — which might as well have been a school event, since almost everyone attended. being thrust into university life where she’s basically a nobody … and not as inclined to fit in is definitely a struggle for her.

drug use tw // because elodie is so type a, she’s turned to prescription medication that … isn’t exactly prescribed to her. she keeps her drug abuse on the downlow, though she can get very testy and unfocused if she goes without it for too long. most of her meds are kept in an altoids tin as to avoid suspicion, which surprisingly has worked for this long.

PLOT IDEAS: 

the best friend  ( any gender ) OR boyfriend she’s on the rocks and wants to break up with because she lowkey cheated on him at a party but can’t confess because it was with a girl and he probably already wants to break up with her anyway too cos she’s lame  — whoever dragged her along on this mess. depending on who it is, we can plot dynamics. 

the hookup – not really actually a hookup, this has to be a girlie, but she made out with this person at the only party she’s ever been to and now the kill bill sirens are going off in her head that holy shit, she’s on this trip too. 

drug tw / the plug — someone that would be realistically prescribed adderall or ritalin or something similar,  or someone that would know how to get it that gives it to her. the only person that would know about her addiction. 

an enemy – not that elodie has any, that’s unchristian–like, but someone that looks at the cutesy, preppy nice girl and thought, man, fuck this bitch. they can be outright antagonistic, or just get rubbed the wrong way by her, but any negative connection is a1

AND THATS WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE

[magickmoons]

famous!Dean part 2

continuation of this fic -- this is what’s going on with Cas that evening.

Cas entered the lecture hall with his eyes glued to the journal article opened precariously on top of his stack of class materials. He wore the title of absent-minded professor proudly, and students and faculty who frequented the building generally knew to give him a wide berth. He was a few steps into the room before he realized that something felt different. Placing his papers carefully on the desk, he looked up to find nearly every seat filled. Not that he didn't find his subject fascinating, but even if everyone registered for this section showed up, they still wouldn't fill more than half the hall.

He blinked at the expectant faces and thought about asking what was going on, but then decided it was probably some bizarre campus game he wouldn't understand -- like that zombie war last spring.

So instead, he launched immediately into his lecture. He paced as he spoke, watching his audience. It was easy enough to differentiate who was there for the material vs. those who had just shown up, although a fair amount of his students seemed unusually distracted as well.

As he came to the end of his planned remarks, he leaned against the edge of his desk.

"Any questions?"

Dozens of hands shot up eagerly. Okay, something really weird is going on today.

"Do you really know Dean Winchester?"

Castiel tried to ignore the crushing feeling in his chest that still appeared when someone mentioned that name -- even after all these years.

"I ... yes, I did; but I meant questions about the material."

All the hands went down.

What the hell? Why is this coming up now? Has something happened to Dean?  

"What's he like?" someone called out from the rear of the hall, when no one asked on topic.

"It was a long time ago," he said stiffly. Too long, or not long enough, Cas was never sure. "I'm sure anything I could tell you would no longer be relevant."

"You've changed, Dean."

"You bet your ass I changed. I'm finally free. And you're the same small town kid with a stick up your ass."

Cas swallowed roughly. "Perhaps it's best to end here today."

A chorus of groans met his pronouncement.

"For those of you actually in this class, please read the next two chapters in your text by our next meeting. Office hours as normal this week -- only for course-related discussions." He kept his eyes fixed on his hands as he stacked up his notes and fled the room chased by the memory of sparkling green eyes and a beautiful smile turned cold and mocking.

Back in the quiet, controlled chaos that was his office, he ran through some breathing exercises to calm himself. No meditation he'd ever tried had managed to completely erase the memories of Dean -- the good or the bad -- but he'd found that it was helpful when he felt overwhelmed.

Somewhat calmer, he decided to be responsible and check his email before allowing himself to do an internet search on Dean. It had taken a long time before he'd finally managed to stop googling Dean's name every day; he wasn't going to change that now. Even if something had happened, it couldn't have any possible impact on him. Their lives had been separate for nearly 15 years.

As he read email, the phone rang. He answered absently.

"This is Bela Talbot with the Enquirer. I have some questions for Dr. Castiel Novak."

With half his attention still on his email, he suddenly realized that he'd only caught about a couple words of what his caller had said.

"I'm sorry. What is your inquiry?"

A suggestively feminine laugh answered him. "About Dean Winchester, Dr. Novak. I understand you two were involved."

Dean again. "I'm afraid I can't give you any useful information. I haven't spoken with Dean for years."

"Oh, that's fine. This is background for a story. For instance, was Dean faithful to you?"

Cas froze. How did she know? "What? I ... " What did she know? Abandoning his email, he quickly pulled up a browser window and typed Dean's name into the search bar.

"I mean," she continued as if musing to herself, "an affair with a married man doesn't look very good. I'm trying to get a feel for Dean's character."

"Dean wouldn't ... I mean, that is... " Cas trailed off, unable to finish his thought. Certainly the Dean had gone to high school with, fallen in love with would never have engaged in an adulterous relationship -- especially not after seeing how his father's affair had impacted two families -- but then he'd moved to California to pursue his acting dream. Cas had limited experience with CaliforniaDean, and what little he did have did nothing to suggest that Dean put the same emphasis on fidelity that he once had.

"Hmmm," Bela purred. "Sounds like you might have some useful information after all. I can fly out there tonight and meet with you first thing tomorrow morning."

"What? No, I --" He stared at the search results on the screen. Most were articles about Dean's apparently recent public admission of his bisexuality, but several implied, or outright stated, that Dean was having an affair with Benny Lafitte.

"It's no problem, Dr. Novak. Of course, you would be compensated for your time. And then you can tell me all about what Dean did to you that has you so spun about."

Fuck. Oh fuck. She said she was a reporter, didn't she?

"I would like this to be off the record." That was something he didn't think he'd ever say in his life.

"Certainly, Dr. Novak. Everything from this point on is off the record."

His heart sank. "No, I ... "

"Thank you for your time."

He put the phone down and clicked into one of the articles alleging that Benny Lafitte was cheating on his wife. He scanned it quickly. There was lots of crap about how everyone knew that the happily married image Benny presented was faked, how he'd been too wild in his youth to have truly settled down. A couple of screens down was a photo of Dean and Benny at a pool: Dean was leaning back against Benny's chest as they lounged on a small couch, and he had tilted his head back to meet Benny's lips in a gentle kiss.

Cas chuckled sadly when he realized that the timing of the photo was all wrong for the article's premise. One look at Dean's face told him that it had been taken only a year or two after that night -- well before the article indicated that Benny had met his wife. He stared at the photo; Dean looked so calm and content and healthy, so different from the last time they had met. Obviously, he had cleaned up his act by the time this photo had been taken. Cas had always suspected that Dean hadn't continued down that path of self-destruction -- he'd never heard any reports of arrests or other troubles -- but it was good to see that he had found some measure of peace, even if it made Cas's heart ache that he had not been the one to provide it.

"So, is this just another crazy campus rumor, or did you really date the Dean Winchester and just never saw fit to mention it to your bestest bud."

Cas jumped when Gabriel's voice cut through his musings. He looked up to see his friend leaning against the door jamb, eyebrows raised.

"It was a long time ago." Cas started shutting down his computer. "And it ended ... badly. I prefer not to think about it."

The phone rang, and Castiel stared at it apprehensively. It rang again.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"I'm afraid it will be that Bela woman again." He pushed the button to send his calls to voicemail and the ringing stopped. With a frown, he sorted through his notebooks, trying to remember what he had wanted to take home for the night.

"Bela who?"

"Um ... Talbot, I think she said. A reporter of some sort."

Gabriel slid off the wall to stand up straight. "Wait a minute. Bela Talbot called you? About the Winchester thing?" Gabriel shook his head, chuckling. "And you have no idea who she is, do you?"

Cas zipped up his bag. "No, I don't. Just that she wanted to talk about Dean. And Me. Dean and me."

"I bet. She is the queen of salacious gossip columns. She will dig up and air anyone's dirty laundry provided the money's right. And you talked to her?"

"I did, but I can't remember if I said anything ... 'salacious.'" An unsettled feeling came over him as he listened to Gabriel's description of the reporter.

"Well, we'll find out soon enough." Gabriel pulled out phone, quickly pulling up an article. He scrolled through and sighed.

"Yep. Updated just a few minutes ago." He mumbled through the first couple of paragraphs -- just clear enough that Cas knew she was taking the approach that Benny was cheating on his wife with Dean -- before speaking clearly.

“Castiel Novak was particularly cagey when speaking of his ill-fated relationship with the movie star. This reporter wonders whether the Winchester camp has paid him off to stay quiet.”

"See there, Cassie?" Gabriel easily fell into stride with Cas as he walked through the building. "Doesn't matter if you said anything or not."

"But that's ... " Cas sputtered. "How can she write that?"

"Well, if you'd occasionally read something other than musty old bibles, you'd realize this is how the world works now."

As they exited the building, several reporters approached, much to Castiel's surprise and Gabriel's quickly fading amusement.

"Just keep your mouth shut for now," he whispered to Cas before snapping "No comment," to the steady stream of questions as they walked toward the parking lot, until:

"Do you think Dean made a mistake getting involved with Benny Lafitte?"

Gabriel huffed and stopped walking. "Hang on a sec, Cas. This is too good to pass up." He turned to face the reporters. Holding his hands up to get their attention off Cas, he said loudly, "You guys want to know the biggest mistake Dean Winchester ever made?"

Everyone fell silent, waiting. Cas watched him curiously, the glint in Gabe's eyes all too familiar.

"That damn octo-cobra movie. I mean, a paycheck's a paycheck, and I'm sure we all enjoyed the numerous shirtless scenes, but seriously, what was he thinking?" With a grin and a wave, he hustled Cas into his car, while the reporters stood still, looking at each other in stunned consternation.

His cell phone rang periodically as Cas drove home, a jarring punctuation to the dismal memories that he couldn't shake. It was ringing again when he let himself through his front door. He tiredly dropped his bag in the foyer and dug the phone out of the pocket, accidentally answering it when his thumb brushed the screen. He stared at it for a few seconds before ingrained courtesy had him reluctantly holding it to his ear. "Hello?"

"OMG! It's you! Thank god, I thought you'd never answer, please don't hang up, I'm Charlie Bradbury, I'm a friend of Dean's," came the response in one long breath.

Cas hesitated, unsure whether she was being truthful or not.

"Plus I'm his Social Media Manager as well. And kind of PR and sometimes just general moral support and cheerleading."

"I see," Cas said flatly. "And you're calling to ask me not to say anything?"

"No." That was surprising enough to stop Cas from disconnecting the call. "I mean, I guess I really should, given my job description, but Dean said to let you talk if you wanted to, that you deserved to say whatever you wanted, and he's kinda right, or at least not totally wrong, considering what he did --"

"You know what happened?" Cas interrupted. He felt the hot burn of humiliation across his cheeks when he thought about Dean sharing the story, strangers laughing at his naivete.

For the first time in the conversation she stayed silent for more than a breath, and when she spoke, she sounded subdued and a little apologetic. "Kinda. He's only ever talked to me about you once, and only after a truly staggering amount of alcohol, but yeah, I do."

He wandered into his living room, unable to form words, and sank into an armchair.

"For what it's worth, Dean's not that guy anymore," she offered.

"What, did the orgies lose their appeal?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry." Cas rubbed his temples. "I wasn't expecting to have to deal with any of this today. Maybe I'm not as over it as I thought I was."

"No, I'm sorry. And you have every right to be angry -- both about what happened back then and what's happening now. And I really wish I didn't have to ask, but are you planning to talk to anyone? I'm not asking you not to, but it would be helpful if we at least knew what was coming."

"What are my options?" he asked tiredly.

"Oh. Well, you could probably make some good money for an exclusive tell-all ... although I guess I shouldn't have told you that."

Cas chuckled. "Oddly, that doesn't sound all that appealing."

"Okay, good. Great." Charlie let out a relieved sigh. "So then your options are either total silence -- which doesn't really deter them all that much. They'll probably just make up their own stuff."

"I think I found that out already. I was called by a Bela Talbot earlier."

Charlie sucked in a breath, and the soft tap of computer keys came through the phone. "Hmmm... cagey huh? Eh. That's not too bad.

"Oh!"

"What?"

"You're kinda dreamy, Cas."

"What are you --"

"I just googled you."

"You can google me?"

"Yep. Right here. Dr. Castiel Novak, published in numerous academic journals -- impressive -- written two books, tenure-track at a prestigious university. And definitely super dreamy. Ever had any of your students write 'Love You' on their eyelids?"

"What? Why would someone --"

"Or you could issue a limited statement." She switched topics without even a breath. "Something like 'Yes, Dean and I dated. Our relationship ended when he moved to pursue his acting career.' Short, sweet, not a lie, but not too specific either. We can issue a similar statement from our camp. It's a little harder for them to run wild if there's actual words on record. And it might blow over faster."

"That sounds good. Better, anyway."

"Well, okay, then."

"Miss Bradbury?"

She squeaked. "Charlie, please! Miss Bradbury belongs in a Jane Austen novel."

"Okay, Charlie, then. Can I ask a favor?"

"Abso-tively."

"Could you .. would you write the statement? Something along the lines of what you said already. I can pay you. I just ... I wouldn't want to say anything to make this more difficult for Dean."

"Oh." She hesitated. "Sure, I can do that. And we should probably coordinate with your university public relations office. At least give them a heads up. I can do that as well. And I'll see who in the area can get the message out the best."

"That's ... that would be tremendously helpful, Charlie. Thank you." He felt a slight lessening of tension along his shoulders.

"It's no problem, Castiel."

"Is there going to be any trouble for Benny Lafitte or his wife?"

"Nah, Andrea's a sweetie -- and she already knows all about Benny's past with Dean. It's actually the press that needs to watch out there. The first one who implies to her face that Benny cheated is not going to leave that encounter unscathed."

Cas chewed at his lip before asking, "And Dean, is he doing okay?"

"Well, he's currently locked in his room with numerous mini bottles of alcohol. Don't worry, Sam's on top of things. He'll get him back on track."

"Well, that's good. I guess I should let you go." He felt strangely reluctant to hang up.

"Cas?" Charlie's voice softened. "Do you want me to tell Dean you were asking about him?"

Cas stared at the carpet beneath his feet. Dean had betrayed him, broken his heart, shaken his ability to trust anyone, including himself. Saying yes, reaching out to Dean, would mean opening himself up to all of that again. He should say no, wait out the temporary whirlwind of semi-notoriety, and then back to his regular life -- his safe, protected, predictable life.

"Cas?"

It was enough to know that Dean had people looking out for him. He didn't need Cas to get through this.

Cas sighed, resigned.

"Yes, please."

ETA: now continued here